#people who ''reclaim'' these words have nothing to reclaim. you didn't have a claim in the first place if it wouldn't be directed at you

[tetranitrate]

people here are way too comfortable saying and calling themselves slurs when they've never been called any of them derogatorily

[opinated-user]

as always, let me make one of my lists to respond to each part i marked in red. 1. "a groomer". i have proof of LO grooming someone. here and here in all of these flirty interactions ginger was a minor, 17 at her oldest and 15 at her youngest, while LO was a fully grown adult past her 20 who did absolutely nothing to put any kind of boundary. i don't care that ginger wouldn't call this grooming. i don't care what kind of relationship ginger has with LO now. letting a child to flirt with you, ask you that kind of suggestive question, to be aware about your sexual preferences and still interact openly with them, no caring about them being a minor, is grooming. there's not nuance to be had here. LO was the adult. it was her responsability to stop all of this and she didn't. that's why she's a groomer.

2. "a racefaker". i have proof of that too. LO's own words. the fact that she was never in close relationship with her grandpa nor ever bothered to reach out to her aunt, who is a respected and very still alive member of the Nation, an activist for indigenous issues. the fact that she'd disrespect her "heritage" as to claim that a cheap trinket literally created by a white colonizer was a "family heirloom" left by that grandpa, and still decided to use that while stripping for youtube, quite literally sexualizing this supposed "heritage" of her. i still have the screenshot of that one, LO. do you want me to share it again? the fact that she'll openly admit she never contacted anyone from that Nation and has no intention whatsoever to actually participate of that culture, no intentions of even being part of that community, making any claim of "wanting to reclaim my heritage" utterly meaningless. 3. LO is calling "murder" when Courtney defended herself from a pregnant woman that attacked her in a shelter and later misscarried, although neither LO or Courtney know for sure if the assault caused the misscarriage. Courtney was mentally unstable and was attacked. he defended himself. LO has said before that the only way to deal with bullies was to grab the heaviest object you could find and beat them with it. when you beat people with heavy stuff, they tend to get hurt. but now it's a bad thing to do just that, when she can use it against the sibling that is accusing her of molesting them for almost a decade since they were children.

oh, and i guess we're meant to also forget that LO also threatened a pregnant woman with a knife made by her. twice. on the same day. "but those are all Courtney's word". exactly. the defending themselves from that woman is also Courtney's words. nobody would know about it if Courtney didn't say it. so... what? are we meant to take Courtney's word seriously only when it comes to bad things that they did years ago, that nobody can confirm, but conveniently put all of the doubt of the world whenever it comes to talk to the things LO did? no, you don't get to do that. you don't get to play that card. either we believe Courtney's words or we don't. you don't get to pick and choose which parts were totally real and totally happened and which are lies just to get attention, especially when those "lies" just so happened to be the most convenient for you. so let's imagine that Courtney did lie about you in order to get attention. why are you suddenly believing her about this? for all you know, she's lying about that too to get attention again.

4. "molestation". oh. oh. so now it's bad when a child touches another? so now that's evil? now that's molestation? when it was about LO touching Courtney it was all about "i was 7, no, 6, i mean 5, therefore you can't hold me accountable for that, you can't hold that against me as an adult, i was horrifically abused" and "even if i did that, i was a kid, even if i did, it was only because i was abused, even if..." when LO is the one touching Courtney as a child, we can't hold that against her because they were kids and "even if i did that", she was abused. we conveniently leave out the part in which LO continued to do that for years, almost an entire decade, everytime this comes up. you can't hold kid LO accountable for molesting and coercing her younger sibling because they were kids, because "even if i did that" LO was abused anyway. but Courtney touching a child when they were a child and stopping out of their own volition is molestation, something you do have to hold against the 30 year old person of today. even though Courtney also claims to have been horrifically abused by people who weren't even LO. no, coming from them, that's evil. when Courtney is the one doing it. just like you can't blame a 6 year old kid for anything wrong ever, but you absolutely can blame 6 year old Courtney for not stopping an adult predator from abusing kid LO, even though back them they didn't had the words, the power or the knowledge to do anything about what was happening to them. again, you can't pick and choose which parts of Courtney's stories are true and which are lies when those "lies" conveniently are the parts that paint you in a bad light. for the record, again, in case anyone was wondering. no, i'm not going to actually blame a 30+ year old adult for something they did as a kid barely older than a toddler. if you want me to do that, i don't know what to tell you. your age doesn't even have two digits, some kids didn't even learned to speak at that age, so many can't go to the bathroom alone. if LO had only touched Courtney when they were that small and then stopped out of their own volition, my tone would be a lot different when speaking about this. kids do stupid things, they hurt each other all the time because they don't know what they're doing, and that's talking about children without any history of CSA. when you do add CSA, it gets even more complicated. but LO didn't stop. LO continued on until she was physically unabled to keep going. she continued on fully knowing what she was doing and tried to groom Courtney into "consenting" to it. not happy enough with that, LO then continued to keep fantasizing about a kid version of her sister who would have consented. she continued on to romanticize incest, going so far as to actually defend it as a whole in videos. she continued on to groom a minor to later date her. she continued on to normalize sexualizing herself for her audience that she fully knows has minors. she continued on to put the minors on her audience at risk by not dennouncing predators who're quite literally targetting minors. i bet you thought i forgot about that one, LO. i bet you thought that we'd all forgot about that time we spend days begging you to dennounce sparky and you did nothing, simply because sparky was feeding you the narrative that you wanted the most at the time. this happened this year alone, LO. this year, with you as a fully grown 31 year old woman. that's where you can't blame abuse anymore. all of that was a choice that LO took and one she deserves to be called out for. also... how interesting that when LO is the one being accused of molestation, that's only more evidence that she was abused so she's blameless in the whole situation. but when Courtney is the one doing it, that's no sign of any abuse she went through. that's not more reason to believe him when it comes to what Cameron did to it. no, it was evil. simply because. because Courtney "never suffered anything", right?

are people seriously not seeing how blatantly convenient this narrative is? do i really need to come out and point out the obvious double standard?

5. LO suddenly caring about hypocrisy, ngl, is just hilarious. the same woman who spent years telling people that she doesn't care if she's an hypocrite, as long she's right. the same woman who has insisted over and over again that accusations of being "hypocrites" mean nothing because that doesn't contradict what they actually said.

but now it does, when the "hypocrites" are accusing her of knowingly hurting and abusing people as a fully conscious older person. futhermore, what hypocrisy even? none of us truly accused kid LO of being a monster of pure evil who was acting out of pure malice. that was never a thing. we accused the adult LO and teen LO of doing things that she knew were wrong and harmful to other people. we accused the adult LO of grooming, of lying, of abusing, of being a horrible person when by all means she should know better by now. i have lost count of how many times me and other people in this blog have said that LO didn't deserve to suffer the abuse she went through as a child, that we do feel for that kid that could have end up a lot better if only they were placed in a better home, if they received actual help. we always felt for that little kid who was broken and hurt before they could even understand what was happening to them. both Courtney and LO. this is not saying that we're beyond fault or "virtuous" in any kind of way, because that's just basic normal human compassion. anyone should feel bad when hearing about children being abused because no children ever deserves that. not condemming an abused child for acting in the same way many abused children do, when they don't have an actual idea of what they're doing, is not hypocresy. it's just sad and painful.

6. "there has never been an accusation against me that wasn't anything but hearsay". but when it's an archived video of you saying the things we accuse you of saying, it's AI. when it's an archives, it's still lies. when Patch literally has a bunch of receipts about you paying him for zoophilic artwork and his screenshots clearly show your discord username, that's still lies. when i can show screenshot of you stripping with that "family heirloom" for youtube and anyone can clearly see it's your face, that's still lies. when we have video evidence of you doing the thing we accuse you during streams (like emotionally abusing your wife), that doesn't matter. the evidence is out there. our blogs are filled to the brim with it. end of story.

7. "i have never done a damn thing wrong my entire life"

there she goes again, overcompensating in her attempt to present herself better than she is. it is overcompensating because everyone has done things wrong in their life. everyone. you're not a bad person for doing a thing wrong in your life, you're just a person learning to live in this world. but LO can't have that, she has to be the biggest victim in the room, the goodest one possible, and everyone can only be irredeemable monsters that only deserve death. this is so nakedly telling, it's just funny.

[emi-writings]

sliding in your inbox to tell you i'm impressed by how much you write!! like wowie!! that's a lot of words!! :O

also also!! thank you dearly for the lovely fics you're sharing and i hope you're having a wonderful time writing them!!! ^-^ <3

Thank you so much!!!

I wrote these fics as a quick little thing for a close friend of mine. Obviously, while life shit happened right at the beginning of the Niki Nihachu Summer, that became something I really wanted to focus on. I wanted to create more content for Niki fans like myself who are kinda sick and tired of not being able to find any content for her because he tag is spammed with fics that have nothing to do with her.

Seriously, can people stop tagging things as Niki-centric when they're not Niki-centric?

But obviously that has put my tntduo content on the backburner, which probably wasn't great timing.

After everything that came out from the POS William Gold, a lot of people are obviously dealing with that news in different ways. For me, I nearly gave up writing entirely, and the fandom. That didn't happen, and I've reclaimed the character with a very fun redesign, alongside with headcanons that would piss William Gold off, but are canon compliant so that bastard can suck it. Wilbur was a really important vent character for me - while I'll probably never really write something the explores the abuse I've gone through, Wilbur is still an important character for exploring other things in my life. And I'm kinda sick and tired of abusive white men destroying things that are important to me.

So I figured that not only was my friend in desperate need of some tntduo content, but the tntduo fandom also probably was, so why not just blast out as many tntduo fanfics as I could? Obviously not everyone is gonna love my writing, but at least some fans will have a decent time and get some enjoyment.

I don't want the tntduo or c!Wilbur tags to be claimed by abuse apologists and misogynistic assholes. I'm not gonna let that happen. I want to keep doing what I've been doing. So you can all expect more tntduo content from me in the future!

That being said, I am still writing for the Niki Nihachu Summer event because damn, we need to get at least one of the female dsmp characters into being in the top ten characters in the dsmp tag, and it'll only take 4000 works, so I'm gonna be busy!

[littledragonkana]

Ok I have reached chapter 17 and I dont know what to do. All three ways are horrible.

Not as in stupid or wrong. I just couldnt fully support any of them. Especially Roland

I get where Roland is coming from. He wants his people or rather everyone in Norzelia to be happy and thus wants to surrender Glenbrock to Heissand so there won't be another war if one country has all the salt. On the expanse of the Rosaile. Which I also understand because there is no other way in his plan to ensure peace for the masses.

But I feel like this goes against what he stood for for most of the story? He wanted to rebuild Glenbrock as its king. He was quick to take the title of ruler from Cordelia when Glenbrock Castle was retaken. And now he just wants to give all of this up?

I really didn't expect Roland to give up so easily. Well easily isn't the right word. So many things happened that were both painful for him and his people and he was disillusioned by it. But I kinda feel like he owes his people to stand strong now and keep going. He did so much to reclaim Glenbrock FOR his people. To free them from Aesfrost and build a better future. He can't just give up now. And surely this plan he makes won't play out the way thinks. Aesfrost still wants the salt and since they have this bomb (idk the English name) Heissand is an easy target for them. If they take Heissand's capital then what was once Glenbrock would also fall into Aesfrost's hands again. So everything Roland fought for was for nothing.

Also I can't agree to this plan on my own morals because we promised the Rosaile to do everything we can to free them when we convinced them to go back to Heissand where they essentially live as Slaves. I just cant do that. We betray them. And Frederica too. The Rosaile trusted us which was the only reason they agreed to this. Its just wrong.

You know a story is well written when it really makes you think deeply about what to do next. I wanted to go for Roland's route but now Idk what to do because I really disagree with him.

And Benedict's plan isn't much better either. After everything that's happened I don't want to cooperate with Aesfrost. We have no reason to trust them. They don't have any reason to trust us. Sure we basically have the same goal here but imo the end doesn't justify the means here. No way in hell am I going to stand on the side of the people who started this whole war. I can't stand the guts of any of the royals. Maybe Svarog isn't half as bad as the others but still. They are all terrible people. We don't know what they will do once we won against Heissand. What is keeping them from betraying us the moment the battle is over? Glenbrock is still weak. They can take over the mine again and then we didnt really win anything either. They want to be the strongest country in Norzelia and they are not afraid to kill to achieve that goal.

Also Benedict saying that Serenoa would be a better king than Roland? Idk. Probably. But I don't want to betray Roland after EVERYTHING we did. Sure Serenoa has the right to claim the throne but that is just a terrible thing to do. We fought so Roland could retake Glenbrock's throne and now we just say: 'Nope. Times up to play King. This is my country now. Bby buddy!' That's just wrong.

Honestly with Frederica's plan there isn't so much that bothers me but the fact that we are essentially running away from the whole geopolitical problems we have take responsibility for. She wants to free the Rosaile and lead them to Centralia where they came from in the beginning. Which is really good. We are keeping our promise to save them from slavery and bring them freedom. But we are pretty much abandoning all our responsibilities as a leader. We caused a lot of the problems. I mean Frederica didn't. I barely ever went with her plans. But she was involved in our doing either way. And Serenoa can't just leave. He is the head of house Wolffort. He is a prefect of Heissand. He is basically the right hand man of Roland. He can't just leave all of this behind and go somewhere else.

This feels like we're giving up on there ever being peace in Norzelia. It feels like we're betraying the trust of pretty much everyone who ever trusted us. Also Serenoa was raised to lead house Wolffort who are pretty much all of the military strength of Glenbrock. No matter what Roland or Glenbrock as a whole would do once we leave he would have no chance in a war.

These options are all horrible. I don't know what to do. I want to play the golden route whatever that may be. It can't be worse than this 🫠

[icharchivist]

There was a post somewhere on tumblr about how faschism cannot create anything original, so they have to claim other things for themselves. Ignoring all evidence to the contrary

And when those things turn against them, why, whoever could have seen that coming, woe is them

Also, every time I hear the word "woke" in that specific tone these people use my eyes roll so far back I could be giving myself a tracheoscopy

Sorry for getting political

you're good, i did invite the convo by going on a rant ahah

but yeah definitely true. Fascism has always done so, it's why they're all about reclaiming the "good old times", a past they idealized, and why for example the aesthetic of some historical period is so prevalent to fascism ideology (regardless of the context of said aesthetics.)

it's always all about recuperation and it's exhausting.

And they really can't imagine that they're the baddies. they're the heroes, always! and it always seem to shock them.

And the more diversified our media landscape is, the less welcomed they feel, the more they come back to "old things they felt welcomed by" ... which already were rejecting them!! like how conservatives think Star Wars "went woke" as if Lucas didn't say the Rebels in the original Trilogy are the Vietcong and the Empire is the US. They just want sooooo bad to be the underdog, the one fighting for a change -- but they don't actually want change, so they fight against change. And since they have nothing original to bring to the table because it would be a change, they have to interpret what already exists as serving their own interest.

and yeah i feel you about the "woke" thing (i should have put "" around it in my tags bc i hate this term and mostly was parroting them). It was a powerful AAVE word that was important at the time to discuss issues and it's been completely bastardized by those fuckers (again, who can't do anything original so they have to twist something in their favor while also tainting any past association to the word) that it's just irking to hear.

Poor fucking world we live in, huh.

But yeah i feel you it's just. frustrating as fuck.

[theladygazingatemptiness]

it's 100000% ok to be uncomfortable with things and to voice discomfort and set boundaries and etc but at the end of the day people don't (and shouldn't) need your "consent" to do things that have literally nothing at all to do with you. nonconsent is actively being forced to partake in or witness something against your will, it's not being at the wrong place at the wrong time and accidentally stumbling across something you didn't want to see as a result.

ie: when you explicitly tell people that you're not comfortable with being called reclaimed slurs or with people using them at you but they keep calling you them/using them at you anyway, That is a nonconsensual situation. but when a complete stranger online makes a post with the word queer somewhere in it on their own personal blogs to refer to themselves and their fellow lgbt friends who also reclaim it and you just happen to read it, you're fully within your right to be uncomfortable, but you cannot claim that you're in a nonconsensual situation or are having anything "forced" on you because the post is not about you or for you. the OP doesn't even know you exist. so, the solution? stop, turn around, and walk the other way.

[whcrror]

TOPIC : DEBUNKING CHARACTER SIMILARITIES / COPYING CLAIMS AGAINST NOVA

(please note: we have spoken to nova, and some text included will be direct dm quotes / screenshots provided by her, as far as her explanation of the events. however some screenshots have been obtained by us. she was very happy to speak with us and provide her side of the story. which as of now, we've been told has never been asked from her in the few years of this issue being public. we tried to reach out to djaq for comment but instead were met with a block, and ignoring of our inquiries).

this debate has been going on for years with callout after callout made about NOVA by someone who claims that they do not like drama or calling people out. djaq is someone who is trying to ostracize nova, and drag someone's name through the mud with zero retaliation to any of this. for years. enough is enough. i would not be making this post if a defense was not in order, as this is petty high-school drama that has been blown to a proportion that is entering the territory of purposeful sabotage and harassment as well as stalking and obsessive behaviors. i believe an explanation is required on nova's behalf with her permission.

we do not have all of the screenshots of all the call-out post, as Djaq has deleted the blog where the first callout was made. (on laetuus, or previously chryscs when the callout was posted). the earliest screenshots of mention on record is:

-

(^ found on glysimachia-blog, and here is a link to the first screenshot here). Djaq states here, that Nova blocked her (Djaq) over the similarities of their two characters. (Temperance, being Nova's OC and Gaea being Djaq's). Nova does admit that she said those words, and that she told Djaq that their characters were too similar. she's never denied that, either. however the circumstances at the time were stressful. nova admits that she said that, due to other things going on in her life. as well as a falling out with a close friend. ( i will post Nova's comments below about this in particular, as well as relevant dm's). however as someone who writes with her, Djaq must have been familiar with temperance and her old bios. i find it hard to believe that she did not know that the characters were not actually similar. however, i also have screencaps of Djaq saying that she believes that temperance and gaea are too similar. see below. so clearly, this is not just an issue that only Nova had spoken of before. that fact i thought was important, due to the claims of Nova 'blocking her (Djaq)' over that specific reason. claims which are not true. Djaq actually endorsed the choice and chose to completely cut ties. Djaq also supported Temp, and wished her luck moving forward. you might expect at the time she would have been worried about copying, whether the face-claims were similar or not.

quote from nova about the severing of ties: "so she ended up cutting ties with me. that's fine. and we did talk a little bit after i made my change. but i feel like at the time, i couldn't properly explain why i changed my faceclaim. i want to emphasize that i did not intentionally change my faceclaim to hers. yes i had known that she used beyonce, but i didn't, go out of my way to change from jenna to beyonce. but like what's more important is why i did it in the first place. by this point i've had temperance for about 6-7 years i think and her faceclaim had become synonymous with her. but i was in an unhealthy friendship, partially maybe cause of me, but overall it was unhealthy and i made temperance revolve around this friend. made everything about her weave itself into this friend's original character. but much like djaq had cut ties, this friend did after, which is fine. but it left me floundering, looking to grasp the character i once knew. with me having weaved everything that she was into this other character that i now had nothing with, i felt like i needed to reclaim her in some way, and because i didn't want to just drop her, i changed her faceclaim and worked the new au that i had been working on into her backstory and basically revamped her that way."

relevant dm's below

that fact aside, i have screenshots of a dm between Nova, and a mutual friend of she and Djaq. this implies that Djaq has indicated that there were prior issues in her and Nova's relationship. Nova had been under the impression that everything was okay. also, the screenshot above proves that as well. Nova had been blindsided, but she was respectful - and they seemed to part ways peacefully. "similarities" aside. don't worry, i will be posting side-by-side bios of temp's before and after the fc change, along with gaea's bio. i will be doing this in a separate post. this could be multiple parts. below you'll find the screen caps of the dm's with the mutual friend, which Nova referenced above.

MOVING ON FOR NOW: Djaq has recently claimed that Nova has been obsessive, and is only 'checking in on her blog in order to keep herself safe from obsessive behavior' (i will post the screen-cap of this below. for the sake of transparency, to this day i do not know who had sent Djaq this ask). however it was somewhat after the more recent callout, five months ago, which i will also include below. Djaq's response to prove the obsessive behavior on nova's part (and i will provide all of Nova's former url's that still exist. this being if you wish to check/comb through them for any posts even so much as MENTIONING Djaq or the drama), Djaq only has cited some coincidental 'isms' posting (which i'll get to later in depth), and the failsafe of their characters being 'too similar'.

you can find the post above, still up on Djaq's blog. It's even linked in her CARRD. the accusations about public templates aside, it's interesting that Djaq has been so adamant about the copying of aesthetics. especially when shortly AFTER Nova changed her aesthetic and url to chrchgrl, and started (understandably) using church aesthetics (timestamps on screenshots below) -- Djaq also began to use church aesthetics. and it is clear at this time she was checking Nova's blog regularly and knew this. (also i know how petty it is to mention this, however, if this is Djaq's main argument at this point, i am simply attempting to point out the inherent hypocrisy here. normally, we as people would not care, nor consider this copying. however since Djaq apparently does consider it copying, it is relevant here. especially since said aesthetics include Gaea and the church girl aesthetic was Temperance's aesthetic)

alright, so with those comparisons made, we'd like to direct everyone to the part of the asks i included above:

since this post, there has been no more evidence posted regarding the subject on Djaq's part. however, we did give Djaq the opportunity to provide it to no avail. also, as far as reblogging the same things (face claim related), below are some screenshots for your consideration as well.

next, i'd like to call attention to the fact that TEMPERANCE SHAW IS ROUGHLY FIVE YEARS OLDER AS A MUSE THAN GAEA IS. Temp's bio has changed in certain ways over the years, as all oc's adapt and change. however i'll have Nova's statement regarding the major character changes as well. below you'll find a dated screenshot on the oldest post archived for TEMPERANCE'S first blog, dated 2013:

next, below you have the fauna shine url, and you'll find a dated screenshot on the oldest post archived for GAEA'S first blog:

we in collaboration here, would be happy to receive comment from Djaq regarding any character changes Gaea has been through since 2018. However this proves that Temperance has been around for quite some time, and much longer than Gaea. quote from Nova, herself : "honestly the biggest change that came with temperance from all of this was the fact that i felt like with the revamp, i couldn't just have her be a doctor anymore to be honest. before i was cut off by both djaq and that friend ( who really doesn't need to be involved so i don't want to mention ) it just felt wrong to keep going as though nothing had happened. before the cut, i fell in love with the idea of an au of temperance never having been a doctor at all and instead owning a bakery. so what i did was take that au and find out just how seamlessly i could put it in her story. so instead of her successfully finishing medical school, i changed it so she dropped out within the first year and instead ran off to open sweet temptations, her bakery. and that's where i've been writing her ever since."

to bring up the point below about 'dodging asks' or trying to cover things up:

i do understand not wishing to let things slide under the rug. which we believe Djaq is now doing - but again, this will be referenced later in part ii. however, there have been private conversations since the accusations, of which nova has been more than cordial. there's also an apology djaq has sent her, all of which are included below for you to see. after this apology however she continues to be aggressive in public, as is clear by now.

also, regarding the above claims regarding the commissions, i have the caps of the conversations between nova and jayne to prove this was not a lie.

NOVA'S PAST URL'S FEATURING TEMP AS PROMISED.

ferocitersubtilis-archive, ferocitersubtilis, opportuniists-blog, falsiifiedmemoriesarchive-blog, falsiifiedmemories-v2, falsiifiedmemories-blog, doctcraa, doctcra-a-blog, mysericordia-a, mysericordia-arc, conmiseracionn, myseracion, chrchgrl-arc, chrchgrl, khalaesi, coilicah, coilicaha, defiantdelicacy

stay tuned for part ii. @whorrcr

[sumeru-academy]

To be worthy.

synopsis: she does not feel like she deserves your love, and that will create a rift you must mend.

character(s): ei

warning(s): depictions of violence/abuse (not inflicted by ei.)

note(s): second person, female reader, uses of y/n.

⎯⎯mod lie 🪜

For much of your life, you have not seen yourself as wanted.

However, you have felt needed. You were good at your work, after all, a hardworking and dutiful household servant. But to be wanted for something other than the services you could offer to others? You had never felt such a way.

Not until you met her.

She was all etherealness and elegance—inhuman beauty paired with refined mannerisms. She was a god to her people and a staunch ruler of her country, and for many a year you had done nothing but admire her from afar. So was the fate of most humans who watched their very own Raiden Shogun.

Many despised her. The vision hunt decree ruined and took many lives—and the resistance, those who opposed the Shogun, fought to reclaim the rights of Inazuma and its people. 

The Raiden Shogun quickly became a symbol of decay instead of her beloved eternity.

But now the vision hunt decree was no more, thanks to a traveler from another land, and the Electro Archon had taken up the position of being a more understanding ruler to her people. It was truly a momentous change for the impoverished Inazuma.

However, you never thought that you would be able to meet this kinder version of the Shogun.

A position among the Tenshukaku-based division of the Tenryou Commission was never a place you could even imagine yourself being. You remember when you were approached about the position—how Kujou Kamaji himself had sought you out at your current place of work.

He claimed that due to your outstanding performance at your current job and recommendations from your place of work—you were more than qualified to work within the ranks of the servants among Tenshukaku. What is strange about that however, is how undoubtedly unexpected the invitation was.

Especially since you were absolutely sure none of your associates would recommend you for the position.

And also, the employer which you had worked under for most of your years was dead. Murdered, actually, just a few short months ago. And you are absolutely sure the new, busy head of the estate knew nothing of you; a lowly servant.

But besides the strangeness of the request, you still accepted the offer. The lavishness of Tenshukaku was not to be underestimated, and you thought this was a once in a lifetime opportunity; an opportunity you would be stupid not to accept.

You expected... well, you aren't exactly sure what you expected—considering you were off to join the ranks of Tenshukaku only a day after your acceptance—but that night you were kept awake thinking of what this could mean for you. To live and work in the same building as the Raiden Shogun herself, the Archon of Electro... it was almost inconceivable to a woman of such poor social standing as yourself. You expected to be happy in your new position. A fair expectation, no?

A fair expectation which would be realized in full.

Your time within Tenshukaku was unlike anything you had ever experienced before. Warm baths and soft beds always awaited you within the servant quarters, as well as kind associates who didn't ridicule you like the small-time co-workers you had interacted with previously. You loved it there, you truly did.

After only a week of your new, better life; you faced your first roadblock.

It was an obstacle in the form of a goddess with flashing violet eyes and immaculately plaited hair.

The Raiden Shogun was as beautiful—if not more—as the descriptions you had heard of her appearance. She was... impossible to describe in words without them diminishing her beauty. You almost felt like you were struck the first time you had lain eyes on her—and it only worsened when those eyes trailed to meet your own.

You felt like you were shocked, painfully present energy flooding through your frozen body as her gaze roamed over you. The world seemed to stop spinning on its axis—and your grip loosened dangerously on the basket of clothing you held in your shaking hands.

You were face to face with a god... an Archon. Her gaze eventually locked with your own once again; and your attention immediately shifted to her opening mouth. She was going to speak to you?

"I trust you have been being taken care of nicely," Her even, melodic voice cut through your thoughts sharply, distractingly. You nodded, eyes shutting as you did so in order to spare yourself from her intense gaze. "Even so, it seems that you have forgotten that whilst in my presence, it is customary to bow."

Your body fell into a bow at her words; not wishing to anger the Archon before you any more than you likely already have. Your bow was as low as it could be—your forehead almost squashed against the tops of your hands. You spoke up with a shaky, almost unintelligible voice.

"M-my apologies, your excellency."

Silence reigned in the hallways of Tenshukaku's lower floors; and you dared not breathe as you awaited her response. You have heard the stories—the recollections of others who have seen the Raiden Shogun enact divine punishment on those who angered her. The very thought of it had you shivering in terror; and you silently wished to yourself that she would have mercy.

Your breathing hitched as you felt a hand reaching to caress your bowed head, and you immediately shot back upwards. You had to bite down a gasp when you realized who was touching you with such... softness. The Shogun herself was bent over in order to reach you; and her face was—she was smiling.

And oh, you're sure the look on your face betrayed your astonishment. Your heart was a steady pounding within the confines of your ribs, and you're almost sure the godly woman can hear it with how close she is to you.

The slight quirk of her lips is subtle, yet your mind manages to zero-in onto the action. Her hand does not leave the crown of your head. In fact, the hand trails down to your temple; brushing away the hair that had been stuck to the side of your face.

Utter confusion fills your conscience. Why is she... why is the Raiden Shogun holding you with such adoration?

"There is no need to be afraid of me, y/n." She says with almost palpable affection, and yet her words cause a bone chilling shiver to roam up your spine. "You should know that you are safe here."

"...why do you know my name?" You say before you can stop yourself, flinching out of her grasp. "And why... why are you doing this?"

"You truly do not remember me, do you? I was certain that you would have realized by now..." She says, face falling into visible sadness. You immediately regret your words—wishing with all your might that you had not caused such a grief stricken expression to cross the Archon's features. And that causes you to do a double take. It was normal to feel fear, but to feel empathy towards this woman whom you did not know was... not the normal reaction.

"I—"

Your voice catches in your throat. You do not remember the Shogun; as you have never met her before in your life. You had never heard her voice, or seen her smile, or held her gaze—

Oh. Her gaze.

You are reminded of purple (unnatural, inhuman) eyes gleaming in the soft lamplight of your old employer's home. An exchange between a strangely beautiful woman and your employer that ended in heated words and a raised hand. You rushing to the defense of the woman who you did not know—standing before your employer as you took a hit meant for the ethereal lady with purple eyes.

The woman had tended to you afterwards; after your employer had been coaxed away from the meeting with promises of more alcohol. Her hands had been soft, and her movements practiced as she held a cold compress to your bruising cheek.

Her first words to you were hushed and yet still firm. "Does he harm you and your colleagues often?"

"...yes." You did not have the energy to lie.

"I see." Her calm words are a great contrast to the sharpness of her expression. "You were very brave. Putting yourself in the way of harm for a stranger like me. Why did you do it?"

Your eyes, regrettably, filled up with tears. You felt tired, oh so tired, and all you wanted to do was bare your feelings to this stranger. You didn't know her, and yet it felt right.

"I could not allow myself to sit back and watch anymore." You say simply, voice wavering.

The woman paused in her movements, her hand stilling where it was held at your cheek. You didn't notice yourself basking in the rare attention—the comfort that physical contact could bring.

She had smiled then, a small yet radiant thing, and you felt as if it was all worth it; just to see her smile. A dangerous thought.

"What is your name?" She had asked.

"y/n. I... do not have a family name."

"Then I am in your debt, y/n." The woman said, words all the more meaningful to you now that you understand who actually spoke them.

After that night, a night which you had looked back on with fondness for the better half of a year—the woman had come to meet you often. Excuses to see you often fled her perfectly bowed lips; but they were just that. Excuses. It wasn't a hard thing to see.

As weeks and eventually months passed, your employer grew annoyed, and your coworkers became jealous. Jealous of your friendship with this beautiful, rich, unattainable woman. You wanted to hate them as they hated you... but it was obviously meaningless. You decided against perpetuating it.

Each conversation with the strange woman ended in the same way—with you asking for her name. It turned into a special goodbye of sorts. You often wondered why she never told you her name. This woman offered you kindness and friendship like you never had before, and yet she would not offer you something as simple as a name. It was... curious.

But there was one night unlike the others. One unforgettable night which you are sure you will carry with you in your happiest of thoughts.

"...It is time for me to leave, y/n." Her eyes had been ever so downcast as she rose from one of the benches within your employer's estate garden. You immediately scrambled to get up alongside her—face reddened from your own embarrassingly quick movements.

"I-I will walk you out!" You had said, smoothing the fabric of your own kimono.

The two of you walked in silence to the estate entrance—and when you both arrived, you felt awful. You didn't want her to leave, not yet. The night was still young! You could talk to her until the light of morning and not get bored...

You often wondered if she felt the same way about you.

"Goodbye," The woman had said softly, and her expression made you freeze like there was ice in your veins. "Sleep well, y/n."

"You—!" You spoke without bothering to restrain your voice, the emotions leaking out of you like you were a broken faucet. "You won't be coming back, will you? That's why you won't look me in my eyes."

The woman visibly winces at your accusation, like she herself had no ordinance over this—over her leaving you. You stand your ground, blocking the woman's only escape so she could give an answer. You needed her to say why; because you are almost sure you wouldn't be able to handle it if she did not.

"...I," She took a deep breath in, steadying herself. This was the least composed you have ever seen her. "cannot keep visiting you. It would be best for me to leave now, before I can allow myself to attach to you more than I already have."

You reach to take her hand in your own, eyes glossing over with tears as you watch the woman's face melt into pure regret. "But isn't that good? Do you not wish to be close to another? Are you... afraid?"

"Stop. You cannot possibly want this from me—" She pulls her hand away from you, as if physically burned. "—you don't even know who I am. Even my name is a mystery to you."

Something... desperate crashes into you like a tidal wave. You try to stop yourself from saying something you know you will regret; but the long withheld words are falling from your mouth before you can stop them.

"But I do know you! I know the woman who befriended me all those months ago. The woman who held my hand as I cried to her about my past, the woman who enjoys my chocolate and cakes, the woman who I have fallen in love with! That's you." You're out of breath by the time you stop, and the woman only stares, purple eyes gleaming under the light from the full moon. It's... extraordinary.

The silence feels like it stretches on for eons, yet the one ringing question in your head seems so loud. Is this it?

"My name is Ei." She eventually speaks, and your eyes flash to meet hers. "I must leave now, but I promise you," She takes your hand, holding it with a softness which now feels so familiar. "When I become a person deserving of your love, I will see you again."

You remember how you had stood there, dumbstruck, as the love of your life walked away from you. You didn't leave that spot for a long time.

It felt so far away, now.

Ei had felt so far away.

For so long you pondered over her last words to you. You thought of her eyes, and how lovely they looked up close as her hand held onto yours. It was like you were falling deeper and deeper in love with a memory.

But it wasn't just a memory. Not while the Raiden Shogun was right here before you and... and she was that memory. Your first friend. Your first love. It was all her.

You sat on the floor in a daze, trying to puzzle together the facts with your addled mind. It all felt too fake—too sudden. Like a fantasy romance novel come to life, except it was real.

She was here.

"y/n...? I never meant to startle you," The Raiden Shogun... no, Ei says. "Please. Please just... say something."

"You idiot!" You yell, colliding with Ei in what you know is a bruising hug. "Stupid, stupid moron. I can't believe you left me alone because you felt like you didn't deserve me, how stupid can you be?!"

You feel Ei's soft, easy laugh more than see it. Her hand rests on your head once again, just how it did moments ago. "I did not deserve you, not really. I was a terrible excuse for an Archon, never mind a person. I had to change."

"...then you should have done it quicker," You mumble, sniffling as you try not to get tears all over Ei's kimono. "I missed you so much. We need to make up for lost time, you know."

"Well, we have all the time in the world," Ei says, and you find yourself thinking that you couldn't agree more.

For much of your life, you have not seen yourself as special.

But that was the past. The present has given you Ei, a person who looks at you like you hung the stars in the sky. She makes you feel like the most special, amazing person in the world.

And you're sure that will only continue. For the rest of your eternity.

[mbti-notes]

I was recently abandoned by five friends. I did nothing wrong, but they found me burdening because I was going through a miscarriage and labelled me as a 'slut'. I felt overwhelmingly betrayed and was cynical and depressed for a long time. What would you recommend for me to reconcile and come to terms with the situation. What should I do to restore trust and develop Fe again?

[con't: I am an INFJ. I think my Fe is very unhealthy because of what I have experienced. I am cynical, cold and more manipulative. Moreover, one of my friend's is a ISTP who ghosted me and just told me they don't want to care because they found feelings to be almost physically uncomfortable. I understand that I should move on, but I learn a lot from that friend and I want to know what I can do to reach out to this particular friend again.]

You seem to be describing resentment. Resentment is meant to inform you of when you've been treated unfairly, so it's normal to feel resentful when you've been betrayed by someone close to you. It's quite understandable to have difficulty coming to terms with cruel treatment. However, getting stuck in resentment means that something deeper is going on.

Emotions should die down naturally as you get more distance from negative events. Life goes on, and you reach a point where you have to make a choice to move on or keep the resentment going. Many people choose to keep indignation alive and burning, fueling bitter resentment, and perhaps stoking it into full blown anger. Why make this choice? Ego protection. Perhaps the bitterness allows you to stay distant and safe from others. Perhaps obsessing about victimization allows you to claim the moral high ground to judge and condemn the perpetrators. Perhaps the anger affords you the illusion of power to avenge the wrong. Perhaps ruminating on hurt feelings reinforces your belief in a "just world" and how you didn't "deserve" to be hurt. Regardless of how exactly you go about protecting the ego, none of these strategies will lead to real closure, because you are actively keeping the wound open, bleeding, and throbbing.

Betrayal is unexpected, so it certainly stings when it occurs. That sting becomes hurt and continues on when you refuse to accept the reality of what happened. Ego protection is all about hiding from the hurt so that you don't have to face the truth of why you feel hurt. For FJs, being betrayed feels like rejection, which is a very deep issue related to Fe development. It is common for Fe-Ti to interpret rejection as proof that one is inadequate, inferior, unacceptable, or unworthy of love. No one likes to feel worthless, so questioning your worth is a painful experience. It is far more palatable (to the ego) to focus instead on blaming people for putting you in this painful position, for "causing" your pain. Trying to disown your pain means that you relinquish the power to end it, since you have placed the responsibility on others to end it (i.e. waiting for an apology). You haven't yet understood the truth that your pain belongs to you because the hurt arises from your own struggles with self-worth.

Fe development problems are closely tied to lack of proper boundaries between self and world. When "me" is defined as "we", it is a sign that Fe is immature and subconsciously self-sacrificing, which creates unequal relationships. Resentment is a common FJ defense mechanism because it is a quick and easy way to reclaim power in an unequal relationship through shifting blame. It feels comforting to protect the ego, whereas it feels very difficult to confront the deeper underlying problem of overvaluing others, undervaluing oneself, or worse, completely losing the "me" to the "we".

Mature Fe recognizes each individual's value (including one's own) and what they contribute to the "we". In other words, every "me" needs to be properly attended to for the sake of creating a better "we". A person's value comes from how they make decisions, whether they do what's right, and how they develop their potential for contributing something positive -> your self-worth is entirely in your own hands. When you are able to stand confidently in the truth of your own value, in the truth that you have done nothing wrong, what can anyone say or do to hurt you so deeply that you feel destroyed? That kind of hurt only comes when you are unsure of your own value and worth, and the judgment of others shines a light on the true extent of your insecurity. Is it really others' fault for simply revealing what is already there? Resenting others shoves your insecurity back into the dark for a short time, at least until the next betrayal. But hiding from your insecurity means that you hand over the means to control you. The more you fear being hurt, invalidated, or rejected, the more your every action is merely a reaction, until you no longer understand the concept of free will. How can you live your life well when you're no longer in control of your decisions, when all you know to do is bark at everything that dares come near you?

A healthy relationship cannot be one-sided, plagued by mistrust, and full of harmful behavior. If someone chooses to harm you, what does it mean? It means that there is something wrong with their morality. But is their morality your responsibility or any kind of statement about you? Well, when you can't tell the difference between "me" and "we", then boundaries get crisscrossed and you start to blame people for not living up to your expectations (as though it's their job) and/or blame yourself for being naive or stupid, etc etc. This kind of critical judgmentalness is what feeds Ti loop. We are all capable of bad moral judgment, right? "To err is human", but people often forget the second half, "to forgive, divine". Blame isn't about understanding what people need to make better moral judgments, which might actually make some difference. Blame is only about making yourself feel better at someone else's expense. How can you stand proudly in who you are when you can't help but get triggered to strike back and cause more hurt?

Remember that the purpose of Ti loop is to convince you that you don't need to look at YOUR problem of fuzzy, violated boundaries between self and world. Ti loop keeps you stuck in your insecurity by putting it on something else. Being stuck, what other option do you have but to passively sit there and resent everyone around you, which never resolves anything and only causes more relationship problems? It is an ineffectual attempt to reclaim self-worth because it is ultimately based in deception. You will never find true strength by hiding from your weakness. Strength is found in confronting weakness. Ti should be helping you critically assess the situation to see what needs to be done about it, what needs to be learned from it, or what needs to change in your approach - no matter how hard it may be. But you won't be able to use Ti properly when all you really want is to hide from the truth.

Mature Fe knows the right criteria to use for choosing friends. It is generous and fair in its judgment. There is no ego involved and no forcing of anything. When there is a real possibility of salvaging a relationship, you humble yourself, open your heart, reach out, and fully commit to repairing what was broken, making up for mistakes, and atoning for harm inflicted. But when two people are proven to be incompatible, it is better for everyone, especially you, to leave the relationship through empathy, compassion, and forgiveness. Carrying the burden of hurt, bitterness, resentment, anger, and/or hatred with you throughout life is only going to slowly destroy you. A person who knows their true worth would never hurt themselves in that way.

[thegardenandthegrave]

There is something so fucking special about growing up and claiming or reclaiming the parts of yourself that you shoved down because society expected you to.

I grew up in a strict religious setting, desperate to keep my parents happy and prove I was just as gifted as they said I was.

And I know a lot of people have grown up that way. And there are still people being raised that way.

I remember watching Avatar The Last Airbender the summer I turned 18 because it had been forbidden for religious reasons. That damned show had nothing evil in it but it felt so rebellious to watch that I had to wait until I was an adult before I did it. I felt so ashamed hiding behind my laptop with my headphones in, jumping at every creak in the house.

And I've been on the outskirts of DnD groups since I was 13 but I only started playing last summer at 29. That's 16 years of communal storytelling and community and joy I missed out on.

Not because I thought it was wrong, or evil, or something I wouldn't enjoy. Because I had held on so damn hard to the identity that I had formed in my formative years that I just assumed it 'wasnt for me' and completely ignoring how envious I was of those who did play.

And I almost dated my (female) best friend the year after graduation, but we were renting a room out if my mom's place in a new city neither of us knew enough about to really be independent. And my mom caught us holding hands one afternoon, actually the very first time we were holding hands and blushing at each other and working up the courage to talk about it. . We didn't get the chance before my mom found an excuse to get me alone and then furiouslydemanded to know what was going on and saying the kind of words that aren't commonly spoken unless they're being used in a reclaiming way these days.

I spent the rest of the summer basically overdosing on melatonin from the near constant panic attack, wishing I knew how to get something stronger to numb myself out, and pushing this kind and gorgeous girl away so much she moved back to our hometown and we haven't talked since.

And when I was fifteen I looked up to my uncle so much and wanted to hang out with him all the time because he's be playing video games and listening to black sabbath and metallica. But I knew that was a boy thing, that girls weren't supposed to be into that. Especially not well mannered, straight A, college bound kids like me. I remember hearing adults talk about how his music was garbage and he needed to grow out of it and I spent that summer reading books in my room and pretending I wasn't also listening to the music through the walls.

But today, a month out from turning 30, I started playing a black sabbath song I thought I remembered from back then and I started bawling my eyes out because I liked it SO MUCH and it was so different from everything else.

And I reminded me of the all the times I passed on hanging out with friends at a local concert or begged off early from a hangout because the music wasn't appropriate. Wasn't something I out to like and so of course I hated it.

And at the end here you might be thinking this post is about regret and nonconformity and the 'cult shelterd gifted kid' to 'twenty-something burnout' pipeline.

And maybe it is all about that. But it's also about how today I'm editing a paranormal lesbian romcom series, plotting a very queer centric high fantasy, and incredibly open to everyone in my life about my bisexuality.

It's about how fucking excited I am to be turning 30 and finally getting to jam out to these songs, share that love of music with my uncle.

How I can watch whatever I want and decide for myself if it's good for me or not.

How I can discover how boring I find playing a sorcerer and just multiclass into a rogue and my DM will just roll with it because it turns out I'm not entirely a sorcerer and I'm not entirely a rogue.

I'm a little bit of both, and I've finally got the confidence to explore those parts of myself without shame, without listening through a thin wall or watching a show in secret, or pushing anything away that brings me joy.

Turns out growing up isn't the worst thing in the world and maybe it's actually a little fun.

[mammonprotectionsquad]

Hey, can I have “You’re my favorite.” with Yoosung please? Thx!

I am a sucker for any scenario that includes comforting the babes in any way, shape or form 😌

I'm sorry it took me a bit to get to this, but I hope you like what I came up with for the sweet boy, dear anon! 💖

"You're my favorite."

Yoosung x Reader

Sometimes time spent with Yoosung meant you two would simply be at the same place, while each of you did your own thing. That didn't make those moments less enjoyable, though. Whenever you caught the other one's gaze, you smiled. Sometimes you reached out to hold his hand or when you got up and walked past him, you always made sure to steal a kiss. Unable to keep yourself from smiling at how flustered the surprise affection always left him. 

Currently you were at his place. The blond actually did some work for college, claiming that he could concentrate better with you there as encouragement. Maybe it was partially because you always came up with new ways to reward him for studying. 

Meanwhile you were working your way through the mass of emails from potential guests for the next RFA party. So all in all, you two were pretty busy.

Still, you didn't miss the way he constantly glanced over at you. More than he normally did, when you were there. And when you looked back at him, he was quick to turn towards his books again. The thing that was off about it all was how he seemed a little... unsure? Sad? You weren't even sure if you had seen him smile at you at all, the past hour or so. Something that was confusing, to say the least. 

When the entire thing happened once again, you let out a long sigh, dropping your phone on the couch next to you. Then you got up and walked over to your boyfriend, arms wrapping around him from behind. 

"What's going on in that pretty little head of yours, hm?", you asked quietly, lips pressed against his cheek.

"A-ah, nothing? What should be going on?", he stammered his reply. 

"Yoosung... You refused to look me right in the eyes for quite some time now. It doesn't take a genius to know something is up. If you don't want to talk about it, that's totally fine. Just know I'll always happily listen, okay?" 

You dropped another kiss to his temple and just as you were about to head back to reclaim your spot on the couch, he reached out to take one of your hands. Immediately making you stop dead in your tracks. 

"I just...", he stopped, face in a frown. With you waiting patiently for him to organize his thoughts. Giving his hand a light squeeze to remind him that you were there and wouldn't be going anywhere. 

Eventually he let out a long breath, though he still refused to look at you. 

"I keep on wondering why you're with me. You know... You're so amazing and strong. So out of all the people, including the RFA. Why me?" 

Your heart broke a little at his words. Making you worry that you could've said, at some point, something that made him think he wasn't good enough, for whatever reason. 

"It's simple, really. You're my favorite." 

That finally made him look at you and with a smile, you planted yourself right into his lap. Your hands cupping his face, thumbs stroking over his cheeks. 

"But the others-"

"I'm gonna stop you right there", you cut him off. "I love you, silly. I don't care what the others have or don't have. You are my favorite out of all the people on the planet. With your quirks and habits, because they make you into who you are. And you're also strong and caring. I adore the way you start rambling about the things you love and the gleam you always get in your eyes. You make me laugh all the time and don't even get me started on what a big heart you have. To only name a few of the reasons why it's always gonna be you." 

For a moment he kept quiet, his entire face flushed as he let your words sink in. 

Though in a matter of seconds he suddenly leaned in for a kiss, one that would've made you weak in the knees, if you hadn't already sat down. Making your cheeks turn just as red as his were. 

"I really don't deserve you." 

"You deserve someone better, honestly", you countered with a chuckle.

"No...", Yoosung shook his head vehemently, arms wrapping around your waist to pull you into a tight hug. "There is no one better. To me, you're absolutely perfect." 

His words made you melt and you just couldn't stop yourself from showering his face in kisses, the quiet laugh it tickled out of him making you feel a bit lighter, your heart fluttering. 

"See? And it's the same for me as well... Are you feeling a bit better now?" 

He nodded, reaching up to card his fingers through your hair. 

"Yes, thank you. And I'm sorry for being like that..." 

"Hey, none of that. That's what you got me here for, hm? And I'll never tire of telling you just how much I love you~"

Masterlist

If you'd like to get added to the tag list, please let me know 💕

@ayamewhump @the-purpleblushh @ultrasupernini @just-a-key @bootiful-face @otomaticallyobsessed @delfffi-lc

[sk-lumen]

Need serious advice about setting boundaries or communicating when dealing with a person who:

Is a parent

Has unhealthy communication methods -- it takes very little for them to start full-blown screaming, shouting out all your 'negative' things/mistakes/past, can continue to scream-criticise you even after you've gone silent, for WHOLE MINUTES even if you've shut up, will not accept anything that even hints at them making a mistake

You can't trust since childhood coz u made the mistake of confiding in them with a serious issue as a young teen --- mental related --- and they belittled and invalidated you, and since then pretended you never confided in them and have NO IDEA how you've been coping without them or ANYone else for years... Yeah thanks, parent, what u said back then made me think I was the one at fault and so I stopped trusting even friends coz yeah, when ur own parent doesn't give a damn, why would anyone else?

Is a master at silent treatments without explaining what EXACTLY they're punishing you for, then when theyre in the mood, will start talking to you as if they hadn't ignored you for days. Lol I'd rather be water boarded I think. Especially for all the damage this caused when I was a child

Won't openly talk about what they want, yet expects ALL FHE TIME others (in the family) to know what they want, then will complain/scream/angry for AGES about how no one cares, no one gives a damn... And when someone asks them what they want, they either say: nothing, or "you should know! Can't u see?"

Upon asking them to please talk normally, will blow a fuse, and lose it --- happened multiple times today

Literally will use me as a scape goat to unleash their frustrations upon. Even when I leave the room, I can hear them b*tch about how much of a failure I am etc. The trigger being anything that bothers them, from a phone call to something other siblings did, bla bla. I limit my time with them... But it's like, it feels impossible to have them treat me normally, without ridiculing or criticising me. I'm already a very low self esteem person... This doesn't help AT ALL

In short, refuse to tell/ask/discuss important stuff, and getting mad randomly that no one read their mind, bcoz everyone's 'old enough to have enough sense' to know what they 'should' do... Eg will not pikc up the phone when we call them from the store to ask when what the needed isn't available, so what other alternative can we get... And then when we get home, will instead blame us for being fussy and not getting the alternative, completelt skirting around the issue they didn't deign to pick up the phone... I mean, I don't get it. In the past I HAVE in fact asked them to just openly tell me what they want/expect from me to make them happy... Got passive aggressive answers like "don't you know? Are you dumb?" Bla bla

Passive aggressive to the max when they've lost it

Expect me to drop anything I'm doing and immediately cater to them, and expect me to help them in their hobbies (while simultaneously, as I learned many years ago to much heartache, not being interested or even pretending to be interested in my hobbies. The disinterest taught me very quickly how much what I wanted meant, leading to years of self-invalidation. Luckily I've learned it really is them, not me. My hobbies are valid)

Will not talk about why they're feeling angry, what causes it. Instead will blame me, who's like the golden scapegoat in our amazing family, by saying :YOU made me negative. They've said it many times now... It hurts a lot, when I'm also struggling with my own issues which I ofc can't confide in them about :)

Today I manned up -- the outburst of hatred happened again! Over a simple thing. It was NIGHTMARE and made me angry/sad/frustrated/triggered---, and so I told them to stop talking like that... Boy was that the wrong thing to say... I don't think I can accurately tell u what happened afterwards...

Usually children learn communication skills from the parents... I at least learned to recognize the unhealthy ones, and what NOT to communicate like lol. Like, other parent is even worse, believe it or not. But that's another complex situation

I'm not bashing on the parent. Lord knows I even have that much of a right huh? I hate myself eveb more when they invalidate me if I try to show how MUCH THEY HURT me after a 'communication session'. As in, heaven forbid me if I BE SILENT afterwards and DON'T wanna listen to their retardation. Nope. Even then they provoke me, rage at me, you know how sometimes enraged people hiss vitriol thru gritted teeth? Yeah, that's what they did today after I stayed silent and tried to ignore them an hour later after the 'session' when they wabted something. It's like they don't even need me to say a word and will carry on and on for minutes 🤢

I feel alone, helpless and at a loss what to do

I want to move out. Due to severe mental issues I can't even move out rn coz it scares me even more. But this has to stop. Things are only okay if I'm absolutely passive, say yes to whatever they want, kill my wants and needs, and become a perfect robot bred to cater to them (parent)

I hope you can help me out, dear

Hi darling,

It sounds like you’re in a considerably toxic environment. I'm sorry you're going through this. Know that this is not normal, nor is it how a parent/child relationship should be. In case there's any doubt, let me start by saying you deserve to be supported, respected, listened to, to have your needs met. You deserve to live in an environment that offers you all of these things.

With that being said, from the many scenarios you’ve mentioned you’ve already tried reasoning and setting boundaries, to no avail. There is only so much you can do on your own, if the other person in the equation is not meeting halfway or at all. After all, a healthy conversation involves two people, not just one.

Here's my advice, in this order:

Calmly and maturely asking the respective parent to have a serious discussion with you and to listen to what you have to say. Share how their actions and behaviour is making you feel, let them know you care, and make sure to mention several solutions for the issue as well. If this doesn’t work…

Bring up the subject of needing help from outside, such as the assistance of a specialist/therapist. Family counselling can shed a lot of light on toxic behaviours that are ingrained from childhood (both in their case and yours), on fears your parent may have, stress from their work, whatever is causing their outbursts and anger - because there is always a reason. Behind anger is sadness, and behind sadness is some need not being met, or an underlying fear, trauma, etc. This is not a justification for their behaviour, they are responsible for it; this is simply the fact of how energy dynamics work. People bottle up their frustrations, fears, etc, and let them out on those closest to them, to whom they feel superior. It’s not fair, and it’s not healthy, but it is frequently how this pattern works. If this solution doesn’t work either…

Then unfortunately, all you can do is focus on yourself. If they refuse to meet you anywhere along the road, you have to pack up your things and go your own way. Literally or metaphorically. They may be your parent and you may love them even in spite of their behaviour, but you cannot hold yourself responsible for anything they say or do; that is on them. In those cases, you have to prioritize your own mental health and wellbeing, and focus on moving out. If your (home) environment is toxic, you have to focus on first changing it. That’s vital. Only afterwards can you start healing, refinding yourself, reclaiming your self-esteem and confidence, your sense of worth. As long as you stay stuck in a toxic environment, you cannot really heal; if there is abuse of any kind (physical, mental, emotional), the causes are still there, leading to re-traumatizing.

If for whatever reason moving out is not (yet) an option, I would emphasize seeking some sort of counselling for yourself, if nothing else. You need an anchor, some sort of support that will help you along your path until you do get out.

Now, I don’t know how old you are. I am going to assume you are over 18 and of age, so only mind my advice if that is the case. (As disclaimer, I don't provide advice to minors as it's not the scope of my blog nor am I specialized/focused on that area.)

I understand moving out seems scary because it is unknown, but with that line of thought you may wait another 10 years in the same situation. Wouldn’t you wake up 10 years later already having done the hard work on moving out, finding your independence, claiming your sense of individuality and moving on from this sort of environment, this phase in your life?

Sooner is better than later, but do so with mindfulness and care over your mental health, of course. I know it’s scary. But being an adult requires some difficult decisions at times, and setting boundaries begins with choosing your wellbeing and doing what needs to be done, even if it is something uncomfortable short-term, but highly rewarding and beneficial long-term.

Hope this helps... and wishing you much luck, clarity, gentle guidance and comfort.✨

PS: Lately I've been receiving longer and longer letters in my inbox. As solution, I was thinking of having longer asks/letters redirected to my blog where there isn't any length limit, and readers can more comfortably browse both my tumblr and blog - and those requesting advice can share and receive a more in-depth response.

-Lumen

[andorerso]

18 and 20 for meta ask? (I hope you didn't answer those already!)

Nope, you actually picked two questions that no one asked yet!

18. Do any of your stories have alternative versions? (plotlines that you abandoned, AUs of your own work, different characterisations?) Tell us about them.

I don’t think this happens a lot, since I write shorter stories, there’s not a lot of room for drastic changes. At most, I will have to delete a few scenes, or tweak certain stuff. 

But shadow preachers did have sort of a... beta version? I had the supernatural hunters idea for a long ass time, and in my original ideas, they were partners from the start, trying to hunt Krennic while killing other monsters across the states as they come across them. Cassian was still going to die, but he was going to stay dead for a few months, and the person who eventually brings him back is a demi-god who they saved once and owed them a favor. But as soon as I decided to do the supernatural hunters for my Secret Santa, all of this was scrapped, and the version I posted was born. The prompt called for enemies to lovers so they couldn’t be partners from the start (and honestly, I’m glad, this worked better) and Cassian being dead for two months was just too dramatic for the overall tone of the story. Krennic got less focus because the story already felt too crowded - but the two of them being partners and hunting Krennic while killing other monsters is practically the plot of the sequel if I ever write it. Except now they’re romantic partners too.

It also had some scenes that didn’t work, but nothing major, and honestly, I delete my outline documents after the fic is done, so I don’t remember them anymore.

20. Tell us the meta about your writing that you really want to ramble to people about (symbolism you’ve included, character or relationship development that you love, hidden references, callbacks or clues for future scenes?)

I mentioned this in the author’s notes but never really talked about it in specifics - how I was inspired by Salmon Rushdie’s Imaginary Homelands for my fic (hence the very obvious title-theft) which was part of my literary course at the time I was outlining this fic. If anyone’s interested, you can find this essay here, but the the thing that really inspired me was the second to fourth paragraph on the very first page, and particularly this part:

“we will not be capable of reclaiming precisely the thing that was lost: that will in short, create fictions, not actual cities or villages but invisible ones, imaginary homeland, Indias of the mind.”

And that really resonated with me. Obviously, I’m not from India, our situation is not even close to being the same so I don’t claim to know what that’s like. But where I live now, it’s not the country where I was born, the country where I spent the first four years of my life. I was really small when we left but I have a lot of my fondest memories from that time. I felt like I could relate to that place you left behind not being the same anymore, that place that you remember so fondly not existing anywhere except in your memories.

So I kind of channeled all of this into Cassian and his feelings about Fest, and why he couldn’t (in my opinion) ever settle down there for good:

“I wanted to belong again. To the cold. But I don’t. I don’t think I can stay here.” He pauses, and she can tell he’s struggling to put his thoughts into words. From experience, she knows that means he really wants her to understand. He wants to be known. “The Fest I knew... doesn’t exist anymore except in my memories.”

Jyn gives a slow nod, mulling that over. She thinks she knows what he means. For her, home had always been people. Her parents, Saw, the crew of Rogue One. But Cassian had clung to the memory of Fest for years and now he’s realizing it’s not the same place he left behind. It’s just that; a memory.

“I think I get it,” she tells him. “You can’t regain what you lost. Not the same way.”

“No,” he agrees, his voice calm. Still, she can tell it hurts him to admit it. “I can’t claim Fest as my home. This isn’t my home. It’s not the same place I left. And you’re not the same woman who left me.”

People change, but places change too. And it’s such an interesting concept that I don’t see explored a lot: how home might not be home anymore.

[secret-engima]

Daywan has spent her whole life knowing she was going to be a Second. It was rare, but they happened sometimes, a Second soulmate after the first died, or if something fundamental changed about a person. (The Glaive had a lot of Second Words.) What else could her Words indicate? "Thank you for taking care of my son, but why didn't you say he was here?" She'd fought against those Words for years, they'd been the center of her teen angst. Daywan had avoided children and childcare like the plague.1

Anonymous said: 2 And then came the Nifs came. They'd been in a little town, straddling the border of Lucis and Tenebrae, neutral for centuries, but the Empire hadn't cared. She'd snatched a baby out of a dying woman's arms and never looked back. As she'd begun the terrifying march that would ultimately take her to Insomnia, she'd collected children and dragged them with her. She'd bitterly regretted her adamant ignorance of childcare, but she could no more leave them to die than she could stop walking.

Anonymous said: 3 "Thank you" was waiting for her. Somehow, arguing with the guards at the gates of Insomnia with her gaggle of children clinging to her legs, climbing her back to tug on her hair, (trying to put braids in with stubborn tenacity) it didn't seem so bad now, to be Second. Not after what she'd seen. She had someone who was waiting for her, maybe he'd be the father of one of her kids. It just made sense when she found a job as a childcare worker, a little less when it turned out to be in the Citadel

Anonymous said: 4 And then there was the sweetest little boy in the daycare, probably a smuggled in relative. She got more then most, given her willingness to look the other way. And then the King came into her room, as the last straggler of the day, the new boy helping her wipe the table down as she talked about some fun foods she'd eaten (trekking cross country with demons and Nifs hunting you cut down on your food prejudices) and then, "Thank you for looking after my son, but what is he doing here?”

Anonymous said: 5 Daywan isn't even sure what she stutters in response. The warmth in her Words let her know exactly who the King was to her. Hopefully something suitably innocuous, she needed to get home and have a breakdown as she dealt with this revelation.

Anonymous said: Actually, let me change my suggested name for the daycare worker to Daywren. It flows better I think, Daywren Silverblade.

Me: This is SO stupidly adorable I love it. Gonna expand on this backstory but I really like this idea (especially of her being non-Galahdian but totally adopted because of all the kiddos she kept rescuing). Ummmm, don’t think that name will work? FFXV has it’s Naming Theme and all. Think I’m gonna call her .... Lucina. The kiddos just call her Nina because it’s easier to say.

And just-

Lucina has always been an odd child, avoiding childcare and kids like the plague after learning what the swooping scrawl on her forearm MEANT, always more willing to learn to fight and hunt and fish than most little girls her age. Always more stealthy than she should be, always more precise in action than she needed to be. The other townsfolk nod sagely to themselves and say that she’ll be sent off to the city academy once she’s old enough, become a career woman for sure. Possibly even a military woman. Lucina doesn’t mind the thought of it. Can’t get much farther from childcare than being a soldier.

But then Niflheim comes. Niflheim comes and there is a child screaming in the arms of the woman who just got shot at least a dozen times and there is no saving the woman, but she holds out her child with crazed eyes as Lucina runs by and she takes without thinking. And then she is alone in the wilderness. With a baby.

Oh no.

She picks up more of them as she goes on, other children of various ages, some small, some less small, all of them lost and scared and in need of someone to care. She steals or trades for milk to feed the littlest ones, thanks the one bit of forethought she had in taking her bow and arrows with her when she ran as she hunts down food for the ones that are too old for milk.

She isn’t quite sure HOW she makes it to Lucis without losing any of the five children she picked up, just that she did.

And then she learns of Galahd’s sudden, dramatic fall. Finds out when she stumbles on a tight-knit trio of children with ratty braids in their hair and wild eyes and she can’t help but take them too.

She picks up a Galahdian pre-teen somewhere in between the toddlers and adolescents she keeps stumbling on and she could cry from relief in having help minding, caring, and feeding.

By the time she makes it to the gates of Insomnia at age 25, exhausted and underweight and triumphant, she has fifty whole kids and three pre-teens straggling along behind her. She is NOT in the mood for the gate guard’s pomp and circumstance, and the gate guard is not prepared for Lucina’s near feral protective instincts of the kids clinging to her legs and crawling on her back adding braids to her hair (she has so many Clan braids without knowing what they are it isn’t even funny). She gets let in and Little Galahd hears about her somehow so by the time she’s finally in the gates, there’s a hoard of excited, tearful Galahdians ready to reclaim their kiddos and then claim the new kiddos AND their keeper because this woman just returned like- 40+ of their missing kids. There are literal brawls (later and in private) to determine who gets to formally adopt her into their Clan.

Lucina is too tired for the first two weeks to care. Barely bats an eye when a man approaches and introduces himself as Sonitus and asks if he can take out all but one of the braids in her hair. She tells him that if he’s willing to face the screaming hoard of kiddos that will descend upon his soul, then by all means.

It’s only later someone thinks to sit her down and explain Galahdian adoption, but she has no family now so ... being the adopted sister of a Bellum is alright she guesses. Better than being alone and homeless.

Lucina ends up getting a job in childcare. Despite never having wanted to do things with children before and not having any professional schooling in the caring of kids, apparently everyone has heard of her fifty kid entourage and assumed she was some kind of childcare person who lost her papers. Since nothing is as terrifying as keeping fifty kids (several of whom are infants) alive in the wilderness, when she is offered a daycare job by one of the Galahdians who Knows Somebody With An Opening, she takes it.

She did not expect the Knows Somebody would actually be “the guy who hires Citadel people owes me a major favor” and the Opening to be the CITADEL DAYCARE.

Okay fine whatever. Better than being jobless and at least the kids in there are healthy, well fed little scamps and food is just a microwave or oven away rather than a mile into the wilderness and ready to run if it catches her scent.

For all Lucina claims to not have a way with kids, she is Good With Kids. She had no idea why kids seem magnetically attracted to her but they are and the other workers quickly learn to yeet the problem children her way.

Which is why when she finds a newcomer smuggled in on the day she is alone in her shift (the other worker meant to work the shift with her called in sick) she doesn’t bat an eyelash and is just grateful he’s such a sweetheart. He calls her Nina without hesitation (the nickname the other daycare kiddos gave her, apparently Lucina is hard to pronounce for tiny tongues) and trundles after her in all his five year old glory, trying dutifully to help her with things so she doesn’t force him to go interact with the other kids (she does not force him, what’s the point of forcing a shy child into a situation where they don’t feel safe? It will only end in tears, let him get used to watching the others before encouraging interaction).

She doesn’t notice the Citadel’s slow descent into madness or the way two of the five Crownsguard that lurk on the outskirts of the daycare are repurposed for some other task. Well. She does notice. It’s just that she doesn’t care. As long as nothing tries to enter the daycare unauthorized it’s not her problem (and if something DOES, well, she’s got about five freshly sharpened knives hidden on her person where kiddos can’t reach and adults can’t see and the long looped cord holding back her ponytail has a steel center just GREAT for strangling someone who tries something. These kids are in her care, she’s not going to just leave it up to Crownsguard to protect them if someone so much as lays a finger on them with ill intent).

The servants and the spouses of the Crownsguard, who are apparently all working overtime today for some reason, come to pick up their kids and Lucina herds everyone into neat lines for retrieval while keeping an eye out for imposter adults or strangers (it’s happened before, she ruined her favorite top putting a stop to it before a Crownsguard managed to take care of the issue). One of the maids who works on the royal levels spots Lucina’s tiny shadow (he calls himself Noct, it’s clearly short for something but Lucina thinks it’s cute) and her eyes grow to the size of plates, “That’s-!”

Lucina blinks and idly pets the boy’s hair when he hides behind her leg, “Oh, you know him? He says his dad works upstairs. I know something is going on today but can you call his dad down here? The daycare is closing in an hour.”

The woman nods dumbly, looking shocked for reasons Lucina doesn’t get and wanders off with her own child, who is the last one other than Noct to be picked up. Lucina and Noct hang out for the next ten minutes or so as the father steadily does not come by, and Lucina is hiding her worry well over what to do with Noct as the boy busily helps her clean off the table and put away the last of the toys when the doors to the daycare slam open.

Lucina puts herself in front of Noct on instinct, hands dropping to the knife sheathed in the small of her back and ready to fight before she registers.

The Shield of the King is standing in the daycare.

The King of Lucis is standing in the daycare.

“Dad!” Chirps Noct as he buzzes past her and flings himself into the arms of the monarchy who has that distinctly crazed, frazzled look that only comes from being worried sick over one’s child.

Oh.

Oh dear.

Noct’s dad “works upstairs”.

Noct. Noctis

Oh dear.

Lucina tries to discreetly lower her hands away from the (still sheathed thank goodness) knife but is pretty sure the Shield knows exactly what she was doing. The king is still busy fussing over his son, half-lecturing until Noct starts going on about “Nina” and how much fun he had with her down here.

The King looks up, “Thank you,” he rumbles, “for looking after my son. But why did you not tell anyone he was here?”

The words on her forearm, hidden under a soulmate sleeve, burn like liquid fire and her heart stops.

She thinks- she thinks she says something in return, but her mind is screaming because-

This is her soulmate.

28 years old and she has finally met her soulmate.

And it’s REGIS LUCIS CAELUM. KING OF LUCIS.

From the shocked expression on the king’s face and the way one hand suddenly clamps on his right ribcage, she’s pretty sure he just realized it too.

[ephriza-dawnblade]

This is a long post pertaining many elements related to Ephriza's history. I appreciate you taking the time to read through it. Please enjoy.

“The Lady Dawnblade has taken ill. You are her only remaining heir so it is only fitting that you are there at her side in her final hours.”

The words played through her mind as she wrote a letter of her own. A scribbled message written with a shaky hand that belied her training.

Apologies, Captain, I have received urgent news regarding my family. I would not leave unless it was absolutely necessary and I fear that is the case. I will negotiate proper punishment when I return.

Sincerely,

Corporal Ephriza Dawnblade

She folded up the letter and cursed as she cut herself in her haste. The envelope sat upon the Captain's desk, awaiting retrieval as the void elf slipped out of the building.

---

The Dawnblade estate was a respectable compound in comparison to many but it hardly boasted the fervor and livelihood of other noble homes. The symbolism was not lost on Ephriza as she made her way up the main road to her old home.

A dying home for a dying family.

She thought, her eyes wandering the vacant fields. That wasn't to say the land was bereft of beauty, quite the opposite actually, the lack of attendants and workers left nature to reclaim much of the estate. The trees gave credence to the rumors of Eversong Woods, nearly shimmering in the sunlight. Hues of gold, orange, and red dotted the fields and a light autumn breeze kicked up the fallen leaves that had collected on the fine stone path.

It was a road she walked hundreds of times but one she had avoided for the past decade. The aged Dawnblade Manor say at the end of the path, an elaborate building with gorgeous architecture. The stone path circled around a fountain of brilliant marble, made to match the immaculate manor in its prime, now home to more if the same leaves that had swept across the land.

In the old days, when Ephriza was still a student, she would wander about the grounds, finding various secluded areas to complete her studies. She revisited the bench beneath the large tree that she read most of her books and then the pond in which she would skip rocks when she was bored. The memories flooded back to her; chasing her brother around the yard only to get scolded for doing so in her nice day dress. When she saw the old swing out by the pond it reminded her of her first kiss, her first love, and ultimately her first heartbreak.

There were many more as she passed by the stables on the side of the house but her reminiscing was interrupted by the sound of a throat clearing.

Ignatius. The family butler for as long as Ephriza had been alive. He was a serious, strict individual that didn't seem to like her.

“Madam Dawnblade. I am pleased to see you have arrived safely. The Lady is in the master suite, if you would be so kind.” He motioned for her to follow him into the house. He stared at her for a long moment and she felt his eyes wandering over her changed self.

“Hello, Ignatius. It has been a long time.”

“Do not worry, ma'am. I have taken the liberty of warning the Lady of your… condition.” He said in a matter of fact tone. “It is best that she does not experience too much of a shock in her current state.”

Ephriza was a bit taken back by his words, they cut her deeper than she had expected but she did her best to keep it to herself. The trip through the manor continued to bring back memories, everything from running through the halls as a child to leaving out the front door with her pack and embracing her brother for the last time. He was only a few years younger than her but she had always treated him like her own child, taking care of him even when he didn’t want it and ordering him around always when he didn’t want it. They had both become rangers but he had perished in the Third War during the defense of Quel'thalas. It had been their last visit home before being sent off to the front lines, they were in separate companies, and their final interaction had taken place as Ephriza left home. An older sister telling her brother to be careful and the brother reassuring her that everything would be fine was a common scenario that often played out fine but this was the time when he hadn’t returned. The news had hurt her more than any of the others; more than her father passing and even now with her mother on her deathbed she could still only think of the pain of losing her brother.

Her focus shifted back to the house as they moved through it. A grand staircase greeted any who entered, curving off in two directions while a large balcony lined the walls. The sound of her boots resonated throughout the spacious foyer until they hit the lush red carpet that lay over the wood. Paintings and decorations littered the walls and her eyes took time to look at each of them, just as she remembered them, as her hand held the railing leading upward. Hanging on the wall above the landing was a massive portrait of the family with a small plaque: Dawnblade Family - Benicio, Aurora, Ephriza, and Rylen. The four of them were posed for the painting; her father in the back flanked by her mother with the children seated in chairs in front of them. The portrait had been done over a hundred years ago, Ephriza guessed she was probably around fourteen, and her father’s dark hair had not even started to grey yet. He stood proudly beside his family, chin up and a serious expression on his face. None of them were smiling though she had imagined that the painter had to be imaginative with Rylen whom was nearly always laughing it seemed. Ephriza nearly identical to her mother, being around the same age as her mother in the painting. The resemblance was striking and that is what pained her the most because it reminded her of the time before her change - before the exile. She looked down at her hands, the dark purple skin that now covered her was a stark contrast of what she had once been.

There was another throat clearing from Ignatius and she nodded to him, following closely behind. They made their way through the halls to the Master Suite, her parents private quarters. It was one she had not been in often but it was just as she had remembered it from her past. Old hunting trophies on display, fine curtains drawn out to display a large balconied window with one of the best views in the house, and her parents’ massive bed. The bed was occupied by her mother, or the sickly shell of what remained of her. It was a sight that Ephriza was not prepared for, one that rocked her where she stood. Her mother had always been a strong, albeit overbearing, figure. It was not like her to show weakness nor to allow others to but in this state, with handmaidens nearby, she was the most vulnerable Ephriza had ever seen her. She stepped further into the room and Ignatius introduced her.

“It is worse than I feared.” Her mother began shortly. “Come closer, Ephriza. I need to look upon you more clearly.” A shaky hand reached for some glasses, one of the handmaidens quickly helped her, and she looked back to her daughter.

She approached and the others crowding the bed shuffled back, their mouths agape as they looked upon her. Her mother gave her a scrutinizing look and shook her head. “Foolish girl. You tampered with things you had no business tampering with. Just like you. This is why you could never get anywhere in your studies or with any of the callers. You never listened wh-”

Ephriza interrupted her. “With all due respect, Mother, you have no say in what I do nor do you understand what happened. The Void is an enigmatic power that needs to be studied. We cannot simply accept its existence, to - to ignore the dangers it can pose. How are we supposed to protect ourselves from it if we know nothing about it?” She tried her best not to get flustered but her mother had a way with her.

“I do not care about your studies. I know what you do, what you’ve done. You lie, you cheat, you steal, you kill. You were exiled and now you come back to me looking like one of those Highborne that forced us into this life. What have you done for our family? What have you done for the Dawnblade name?”

“I have fought for our people in every war. I stuck it out through our turmoil with the Humans, when they kicked us out. I was there when our people started calling themselves ‘Blood’ Elves. I experienced the pain firsthand while you sat in your manor doubting me. Your husband is dead. Your son is dead. What have YOU done for the Dawnblade name?”

Her mother wore an expression of pure hatred as she talked, shaking her head at the girl. An accusatory finger, aged and withered, pointed at Ephriza. “Do not speak of your father. You were not there when he died nor did you come to the funeral. The same for your brother! Where have you been all this time, Ephriza? Why do you come back now? Just to claim your inheritance? You wish to have the manor for all the whores and con artists you made friends with along the way?”

“Perhaps the reason I haven’t returned is because of you, Mother! Did that ever cross your mind? You are never satisfied! Why can I not live my own life? Why must I live the life you picked out for me? I am not you! I do not wish to be paraded around and given everything on a silver platter! Take your money to your grave for all I care!” The heated argument left Ephriza clenching the bed frame, digging her nails into the fine wood.

Another shake of her mother’s head indicated that she wasn’t finished. “You were never going to live my life. You weren’t cut out for it. You couldn’t do it. I was a fool to think you could live up to the task. Every opportunity was given to you, Ephriza, and you threw it away. It is for the best that the Dawnblade name dies with you. You have shamed it.” Her words struck a chord in Ephriza and she lost her temper. A violent scream rang out as she stormed from the room, followed hurriedly by Ignatius.

“Ma’am, I do not wish to overstep my bounds but it is necessary that you stay. In case you were planning on leaving, for the matter of inheritance is true.” He said behind her, causing her to stop halfway down the stairs. She turned and looked at him, expecting more. “Yes, well, you see. Your father, in his will, left you all of the estate and its holdings. His wishes were that despite whatever disagreements were shared between you and your mother, you would still be the sole inheritor.”

She started to head back up the stairs, to the landing where he stood. “You’re telling me that no matter what she says, I still get everything?” He gave her a nod and she shook her head. “It means nothing to me. I’d much rather give it all away.”

He gave another nod. “That being said, what you do with it is up to you, but for the time being I would ask that you stay so that we can take care of things the proper way.” He gave an insincere smile and motioned towards the opposite staircase. “Now, if you’ll follow me to your quarters.”

(relevant: @blackbay-wra @quai-mason @brian-wellson @mycoronervinny @killerkyara @juniper-rose-blower @malodarstarstrike )

[bitchfitch]

Prince Art Fight resource

currently Prince mostly exists as concept art and half finished 3d models >> so this is all i really have for him. on the images front

the following is an excerpt from a no longer canon/ old draft that gets his vibes across fairly well:

Lowell rounded the corner, and saw nothing in the dark alley way beyond.

No masked man, no trash cans, or crates, just a bare alley. That in of itself was suspicious. Why would the alley have been cleared out like this? Lowell's hand strayed to grip of his pistol, his blood was thundering in his ears as the sounds of the nearly empty street behind him melded with the soft grited sound of his footsteps.

A shape stepped from the darkness as a light turned on, back lighting them and blinding Lowell. The prince giggled as he stepped forward, but the sound was wrong, the footsteps were coming from behind him, not in front of him.

He turned, drawing his gun in the instant it took him to react.

Lowell sucked in a breath as he saw the barrel of his weapon land less than an inch from the smooth plastic of The Prince's mask. Lowell's hand shook, as the prince bowed his head to lightly tap the front of his mask against the barrel.

The light bonk of metal on plastic would have been comedic if not for the dread running through Lowell's veins.

"Hello, Cailean Lowell," his voice was softer than Lowell had expected it to be, and he pronounced Lowell's name correctly without having to be coached, "It's nice to meet you finally, I heard you've been looking for me?"

Lowell lowers his gun. His finger had been on the trigger, one twitch and he would have been no better than his coworkers.

He speaks without thinking, "Are you The Prince, or is your name just Prince?" he momentarily considers turning the gun on himself.

The masked man cocks his head, the huff that rattles through the modulator sounds just slightly amused, "It's just Prince, i don't know where the 'The' came from, but it felt to late to start correcting people,"

Lowell nodded lamely. He had a few scripts he used when speaking to new people. Rules of engagement and guides to keep him from looking as socially incompetent as he often was. He had absolutely no idea to which to use with Prince.

"Hm, does the cat have your tongue Hound Dog? If its if your earlier remark was not what you wanted it to be. just know that it's going to be nice to work with someone who actually knows my name," he put his hands in the pokets of his jacket and rocked back on the edge of his heels, looking as at peace and confident as could be,

"Sorry, I'm just not exactly sure what to do in this sort of situation," he finally thought to reholster his weapon, and did so hurriedly and awkwardly.

"Well then just let me be your guide. Let's start over, ok?" he stuck out his hand "It's nice to meet you Detective, I'm Prince,"

Cailean smiled nervously as he took the smaller hand in his, shaking it as he said "Hello, I'm Cailean Lowell, its… This has been a long time coming hasn't it?"

Prince huffs again as he takes his hand back, Lowell can tell it's almost an laugh. He wonders why Prince doesn't laugh fully.

"It has been, Now come inside we have a lot to talk about,"

---

La Lunch was usually a very hipster establishment, with reclaimed wood nailed artfully to the wallsvand those uncomfortable metal chairs, edison bulbs on low hanging cords, Lowell actually appreciated those, on cold winter mornings the heat they emitted was a godsend.

But, that's not what La Lunch was today.

All but one table had been pushed along the walls with their chairs stacked neatly on top of them. Rich red and gold fabric was draped artfully over the legs of the chairs, making them look something between a palace decoration and a circus tent.

the sole table with two chairs in the center had small battery operated tea lights scattered across the center with two place settings.

Lowell marveled for a moment at the set up, and everything else about this encounter so far, it was all so… Funny. Like a joke or a harmless prank was playing out around him, and not like he was sitting down with a man wanted in connection to multiple murders, disappearances, and robberies. His nerves were prickling at the back of his mind but he was still comfortable in this situation.

He took his seat as Prince disappeared into the kitchen for a moment. When he returned a moment later he was carrying a plate with a slightly burnt steak and some undercooked veggies.

"I have never once claimed cooking as a strong suit, but i hope this will do," he chirps as he sets it down in front of Lowell,

Lowell bit his tongue before he could offer to tutor him, "Why are you doing this?" He reminded himself to be suspicious, Prince worked on misdirection and and subtle tricks, Lowell absolutely should not trust any food he made

"You know what they say," Prince sighed as he took his seat across from Lowell, "The fastest way to a mans heart is between the fourth and fifth rib, but a close second is through the stomach," he gestured with one hand as he leaned his chin on the palm of the other.

"Ah," Lowell regarded him cautiously, he had to pick his next words carefully, "Should i take that to mean you wont be letting me leave alive?"

Prince froze, "Yeah, i worded that badly. You can leave at any point, and i promise the food isn't intentionally poisoned. I don't intend to hurt you,"

"Intentionally poisoned?"

"Like i said, I'm not a good cook," he huffed that non laugh.

Lowell couldnt help but smile a little. Maybe it was Prince's small size that just made him cute? Or was it the way he over emphasized all his motions to make his body language reflect what a facial expression normally would? The soft voice and easy charm probably played a part in it.

"Prince, why did you ask me hear? You know im looking to arrest you, right?" He hesitated for a second before pulling his handcuffs from his pocket and setting them on the table,

Prince froze as soon as the cuffs came into view, he turned stiff and his tone carried barely contained nerves, a near 180 from a moment ago. "Yes, but you haven't yet. And i know i intrigue you," he took a moment to force himself to take a breath, Lowell hadnt been prone to panic attacks in many years but he still recognized the symptoms, "I can help you, and I think we could work well together,"

Lowell had never heard of Prince having such dramatic reactions, or even having any fears. he briefly considered putting the cuffs away, but he needed to know more, and it seemed they gave him a modicum of power in this situation, "What could you need from me?" he tried to pretend he didn't notice the change

"Smart muscle," he replied his voice back to being that cool neutral but his posture still tense and nervous, "You were very close to finding me on your own, not many could say that detective. I would like that sort of analytic mind on my side." he crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair, still trying to present calm confidence, "And you're big."

"Should I take offense to that?" Lowell cracks a smile, guilt is starting to eat at him, Prince hadn't flinched at a gun in his face but a pair of handcuffs has him this scared. What was going on in his head? Why was it the cuffs that got him?

"No, Its actually a very nice trait. A few of my… roudier clients have started to key into the fact that I'm not very big, and i make a point of being unarmed." he cocks his head "I don't particularly like it when people try to push me around. Having a fellow your size at my back would probably get them to settle down,"

Lowell nods, he isn't really considering it is he? Is it the guilt? "I… will consider it." Prince perks up a little, "But, I want answers first."

Prince slowly taps one of his claws against his mask's chin, Lowell had wondered what they were made of but the sharp metallic sound answered his question, "how about this? you can ask me as many questions as you like, and while I may not answer all of them, i will always tell you the truth when i do. Does that work?"

"Only if you give me a reason for not answering."

"Fine, i will not be specific if i dont want to," he holds out his hand, "Deal?"

Lowell shakes it with a nod. "Why are you scared of handcuffs?" its a quick and easy question to start off with.

"You'll most likely be finding out latter tonight whether i want you to or not, until then I'm passing on this one, i dont want to get into it right now," he settles back into his seat, "But, now that youve told me you know i dont like them. Put them away." his tone turned sharp enough to nick Lowell's confidence.

"Of course, sorry," he quickly shooves them back in his pocket, "Sorry, What do you mean ill be finding out later tonight?"

"This is an interview, and before anything becomes official id like to take you on a little practical test."