#people talk about and handle disability and how disabled people are treated. and never ‘we should ‘fix’ disability’!

[another-dra-anew]

:angy: the fact i can’t talk about [redacted], a character who’s such a interesting culmination of how hopes peak and their system fails and neglects people, and also of how having a school like this has given people the opportunities to do great things which change lives, all because they’re a spoiler for something THAT IS LITERALLY [redacted] fucking GETS ME sometimes.

[1-ker0sene-1]

i’m the era of disabled!reader, would you write something for reader who has epilepsy? 🥺 can’t find any fics in my chosen fandom with epileptic reader (or oc) and it makes me sad 🥺

{I hope you don't mind me pairing with Simon on this one ♥️ I hope you enjoy! And please if I get anything wrong lemme know! I'm more than willing to come back and edit!}

CW: improper seizure safety (not by you or Simon), epilepsy seizure description

In full honesty, Simon didn't know if he could do it in the beginning of your relationship. He didn't think he could handle your seizures.. Of course now- having been properly educated about it. He would absolutely scold himself for thinking that, you just need a little bit of help sometimes. You aren't a damn charity case and he hates when people treat you like it. You deserve to be comfortable and safe, not pitied and prodded at. Not only is he your partner and best friend, Simon has become your biggest advocate. Of support for your condition, but also your independence.

One of the first things you both sat down and talked about when getting serious, was seizure safety. Simon needed to know how to help, at least as much as he possibly could without hurting you. He also learned throughout this, that not all seizures are the same. Sometimes you're just.. Absent, with a flutter of your eyes or a quiet mumble as your gaze flickers to nowhere. You just seem lost for a couple minutes. Other times it's the seizures everyone thinks of, where you stiffen, twitch and seize, sometimes even falling to the floor. How can he help? He's a little stressed when learning that there's not much he can do but carefully maneuver you into a recovery position, put something under your head, and just be there for you.

Simon won't ever forget your scariest seizure, you two were just shopping. Simple. He left your side for forty-eight seconds. Exactly forty-eight, he remembers. He just went to grab something you forgot in a different aisle. Picking up a box of chicken stock for dinner, he hears the slam of your body hitting the floor. He remembers the feeling of his stomach twisting into knots, dropping the container and making a run back to your aisle when he hears someone call out.

It's not you calling, you're far into the seizing, a citizen found you before Simon did. Now it's not the bastards fault, this stranger didn't know how to help you, so in the panic the man was holding your shoulders down trying to still you. Simons hackles raise, words ripped from the masked mans throat instantly.

"Off her- NOW."

Simon didn't think, he just moved, his big meaty hand grabbed the man by the back of the neck and threw him away from you. He's honestly been nicer to enemy soldiers. He didn't even spare the stranger another glance, falling hard to his knees next to you.

" 'm right here baby.. Right here.."

He rips the balaclava off his head, definitely taking a tuff of hair from his scalp. Not that he would notice right now. Simon carefully lifted your head just to slip it under, the softer fabric better than the hard floor. Stroking your hair away from your face, he doesn't hold you down- but his hands are close to you, resting featherlight on your cheek.

"You're safe doll.. I'm right here.. it'll pass."

He murmurs to you, unsure if you're hearing, but either way he keeps talking you through. Now, his arms gently hook under your leg, being as gentle as he can- his hands position you to your recovery position and on your side. Fishing out his phone quickly, he's already got the timer going. Less than five minutes. Please be less than five minutes.

"I have you sweetheart.."

Simon is right by you, watching your every movement closely. He's shoved away any items, just you and him on the floor.

"Should we call an ambulance?"

A stranger asks, Simon shakes his head. Never taking his eyes off you. You just had to go through it. If it's not a long one you should recover alright.

"I have her. Just stay back and move on-"

He snaps, he's stressed, he knows they're just concerned but he doesn't want anyone fucking with you right now. Simons eyes light up as the seizing calms, under two minutes, you're coming back to him. He finally lets out the massive breath he's been holding in. His thumb caresses your cheek.

"You're alright.. there you are.. you're okay."

Simon curls himself closer to you, stroking your cheek as your eyes slowly start adjusting back. You're foggy, confused, he's holding you a little closer and whispering softly.

"it's Simon, love.. Your Simons right here. You're right here.. we're in the store baby."

Now that you were coming back from it, Simon slips himself behind you as he moves you to lay against his chest. It's a while before you're able to be moved, waiting until you're fully alert again, he's taking it slow carrying you back to the car and getting you home. The rest of the week is spent easing you through the recovery. Low lights, he knows your head is aching. Lots. Absolutely lots of sweet talking. His strong girl.. he calls you. Making sure you take your meds on time and get plenty of rest.

"I'm sorry Si.. I didn't mean to scare you.."

You mumble, in bed together. Simon is sat up against the headboard, holding you close on his lap. His hand strokes locks of your hair, shaking his head sternly.

"Don't be apologizin' for anything. Didn't do a damn thing wrong-"

His hand slips to hold your chin, making you lock eyes with him.

"Hear me? Nothin'. I got you.. I'll always have my girl."

[mxtxfanatic]

i think you'd articulate it much better than i could but i'd love to know your thoughts about disability in mxtx's work!

i love the way she has all her mcs deal with spiritual (?) disabilities (corelessness, without a cure, the shackles). i'd say it's like half a step removed from actual rep, but she handles it really thoughtfully imo!

( maybe including other stuff/characters like the bm trauma etc)

Idk, I’ve never thought of stuff like the golden core removals or Without-a-cure as disabilities, because they only affect cultivation, which is not innate to the human body. It’s like claiming that an able-bodied person has a mobility disability because they no longer have a car. Yeah it takes longer to get places because you have to walk, now, but that doesn’t make you disabled. I am much more willing to talk about disability in mxtx novels through the lens of mental illness.

I like how mental illnesses like trauma and ptsd are handled through community care and not random vent sessions as stand-ins for modern therapy. I feel like this takes a more realistic approach on what it could look like when you take trauma seriously instead of relegating all healing to individualistic habit changes. For instance: the onset of Xie Lian’s spiral into his panic attacks and depression was being abandoned by his closest friends and then the suicide of his parents. Before that, he was able to continue on after the fall of Xianle based on their support of him, but after everyone leaves and he’s alone, he sinks heavily into despair. It is only after experiencing the unconditional support of Wuming that he is able to pull himself out of the pit, and meeting Hua Cheng later is what gives him to confidence to actually open himself back up again instead of taking on issues alone because he had no one to rely on anymore.

In mdzs, Wei Wuxian during the war and immediately post-war aftermath is a very tense person, still polite and charming but very distant from his peers. Part of that is the cultivation world beginning to treat him differently as they covet his power, but another part is that he had to remain on guard to protect himself, even from the people who he was formerly closest with. There was no one that he could depend on until he liberated the Qionqi Path labor camp. Afterwards, we see how Wei Wuxian is returned to his silly, playful self after spending time with the Wen remnants in the Burial Mounds, even though logically, this was the most dangerous time of his life outside of literal war in his first lifetime. The difference, however, is that he actually has people that he doesn’t have to guard against and who he can be honest and free with despite all the messy lines of debt and repayment that initially bound them together.

In svsss, though I don’t think Shen Qingqiu had any mental health issues, the thing that differentiates him from Shen Jiu is that Shen Qingqiu built up relationships with his martial siblings in the few years he had transmigrated, while the original goods kept himself intentionally isolated in his own sea of bitterness and jealousy. When the world turns against Shen Jiu, it is of his own making, but when the same happens to Shen Qingqiu, he has a whole mountain at his back ready to defend him—or even just his body! And in the post-canon when something happens on bingqiu’s time away, his first thought is “let’s go back to the sect for protection.” He never has a chance to fall into that same despair because he knows he has a community of support in case anything goes wrong. On the opposite end of things, the lack of love, community, and inclusion is what eventually sets Luo Binghe on his descent into madness, and it is the assurance that Shen Qingqiu both loves him and will never abandon him that pulls him back from the brink.

I’ve seen quite a few people make snide comments about how “of course” mxtx characters react badly to trauma because they exist in a setting without therapy, but I think this both ignores the autonomy of the characters (wwx, xl, or even yqy do not react to being traumatized in the same way that, say, sj or mq do) and also the fact that the solution to a lot of mental health issues that arise from trauma is a change in circumstances and having community. So even though therapy doesn’t exist in mxtx novels, the solutions to a lot of these problems still feels realistic and intentional rather than falling into “everyone traumatized will turn evil” or “love cures all, don’t look too deeply into it,” while also putting onus on the individual to choose healing rather than it being something that just passively happens to them.

[julieverne]

Okay so

Maura Isles would never have gotten rid of Bass.

In season 1 we see him in the first and last episodes. She's so worried about him that she takes his heavy ass to work instead of leaving him with his usual sitter. She shields his body with hers (from memory) and he saves her life (she'd have been found if she wasn't crouching to check on her tortoise).

She calls him buddy. She calls him sweetie.

He's her only friend prior to season 1, where Jane and Maura start tentatively friending. He's a misunderstood stand in for her own psyche, for her own maladjusted attempts to fit into society.

She's had him since he was a baby. They grew up together; they both appear to be in their thirties. She's had him for life.

An aside here; I have a bird nearly my own age that I've had for fifteen years. I am disabled and considering giving her up for her sake but finding her a home is difficult because she hates other birds, and fostering her out is hard because people keep carnivores and she also hates men. Recently she started self-canabalising due to my heath condition reducing the amount of time I could spend with her. But I know how much work she is, and how hard it is to find someone who gives parrots the amount of attention they crave. I love her, and if I could give her to a good home I would consider it for her sake. But for mine? Her sweet fluffy face floofing out in scratch anticipation, her little chicken chuckles and honks and sneezes, her little beak taps on my arm before she clambours up it - these fill my days and I would be bereft without her. I suffer, when I travel, because I keep my heart in that bird.

So the insinuation in Jan Nash's season 5 of Rizzoli and Isles that Maura has sufficient human contact and no longer needs her lifetime companion is just rude, on behalf of both Maura and fans of the show.

The assumption that Bass, a house tortoise, with one/two caretakers (the sitter and Angela would also be familiar to him) would adjust to being in a zoo - okay, fine, Maura's working hours are terrible and she's never home, and she's not the most affectionate person with anyone but Jane and sometimes Jo, but to insinuate that simply because he's not a mammal that he has no feelings or routine - that shoving a tortoise into a muddy puddle and not talking to him - is an appropriate way to treat an animal that has been a family member for three decades - is disingenuous.

As for Maura allowing it to happen? She's settled in Boston, she has a permanent house guest that is familiar with him, and she's not the kind of cruel person to abandon something she loves on a whim. The only reason she'd have given him up - and this should have been mentioned in canon - was that he was having behavioural issues, from hormonal to boredom, that he was too large for Maura to safely handle - he's a hecking chonk even at the start - or that something about her home was found to be damaging to tortoise habitation (backed by several sources and cited in professional scientific articles).

Maura loves fiercely and often. She feels abandoned - by her birth and adoptive parents, and Bass was there to see her through, on the nights Jane wasn't there.

Considering Bass was only seen in three episodes of the show (Pilot, When the Gun Goes Bang Bang Bang, Killer in High Heels), the production cost would have been nil if they'd never had him onscreen again. Jo was also only in a handful of episodes, and dog actors are expensive, but dogs don't live as long, so they could have written her out any way other than 'we found her owners after Jane spent five long years bachelor bonding with her dog', but Jane's the kind to give up on people and things, so it's not as hurtful.

Maura has internalised her octracisation by society and harboured it in a tortoise. People don't understand tortoises. She too is misunderstood, so she vibes with Bass on a surface level, but after so many years, he deserved better than 'the zoo'.

Anyway that's my mini Bass thesis I'm tired.

And I added some pictures because he's actually very cute.

There's a thing about people who aren't neurotypical; we bond with things the average person considers ugly, emotionless or cumbersome, because we're often considered those things. Maura sees herself, the outcast Queen of the Dead, in Bass. And being abandoned herself, she would never abandon him.

[spop-romanticizes-abuse]

How to Write Disability: SPOP vs ATLA

(TW: ableism)

(before i start talking about this, i have to tell you that i am not physically disabled so my observations may not be a 100% correct. i'm only writing this post in relation to my experience with autism. if you feel like something i've said is inaccurate or insensitive, please feel free to let me know!)

so the two characters i wanted to talk about, in reference to writing disabled/neurodivergent characters, is Entrapta from SPOP and Toph from ATLA.

Entrapta is an autistic woman who grew up in solitude, only surrounded by robots. as a result, she is desperate for human etherian connection while at the same time, struggling with social interactions because of her autism.

she was pretty heavily autistic-coded, even before the writers confirmed that she was canonically autistic; she has a hyperfixation on tech and machinery, she is shown to stim a lot, she has a preference for tiny food (likely a sensory issue) and she is not good at reading social cues or communicating in a way that neurotypical people would understand. she is also an extremely intelligent and intuitive person who is not only good at handling tech but also shows love and affection towards people in her own way.

Toph is a character from ATLA, who was born blind. not completely unlike Entrapta, Toph was also raised in solitude, although she had her parents and servants to look after her.

her parents were convinced that Toph was incapable of being independent, because of her blindness, and were unwilling to look past her disability and treat her as a person. as a result, Toph is extremely rebellious and stubborn. she is an incredibly capable individual who learned how to navigate her way through earthbending. however, she still faces difficulties due to her disability and has to rely on her friends every once in a while.

the trope that these two shows share in relation to their disabled characters is the humor. there are jokes made about Entrapta's and Toph's disability in both shows. however, the key element that differentiates these jokes is the target.

Toph was never the butt of a joke in ATLA. in fact, she was the one making jokes about her disability 90% of the time. Toph was comfortable enough with her blindness that she didn't mind joking about it or even pranking the others sometimes.

in fact, one of the running gags in the series is that the other characters forget that Toph is blind because of how insanely capable she is.

Toph is never the butt of the joke, she's the one making fun of the others for forgetting about her disability. and it's all done in good faith.

and whenever someone is being ableist towards Toph, it's taken seriously. it's not played off as a joke and the narrative doesn't act like people mistreating Toph is this funny gag that everyone should laugh at.

now let's come to Entrapta. there are “jokes” in the show made about her disability as well, except these jokes are often made at her expense.

one of the most problematic parts of the show concerning Entrapta is the way Perfuma leashes her TWICE, because she was worried that Entrapta would get distracted and leave the group. so instead of holding Entrapta's hand or something like a normal person would, Perfuma decides that the best way to tackle this situation is to treat Entrapta like an animal and put her on a leash.

this is shown as a joke and is never addressed seriously. the show writers think that Entrapta being dehumanized and infantilized is supposed to be funny and quirky. Entrapta never gets to confront Perfuma about this or gets any kind of closure.

this was the main example of ableism in the show but there are also other minor scenes where we see characters treat her in a way that other characters aren't treated.

examples being Catra using Entrapta's trauma and loneliness to manipulate her, and Mermista literally yanking on Entrapta's hair and yelling at her, because she couldn't understand social cues.

there are also multiple examples of what i'd like to call the “translate nerd language” trope, where one of the other characters get irritated at Entrapta for using technical terms while speaking, and she has to dumb it down for them.

there's a way to write disabled characters and while Entrapta was a very relatable and sympathetic character, the ableism towards her is never addressed. the princesses are never called out on their actions, while Catra gets off scot-free after a vague apology.

when ableism was portrayed in ATLA, it was always taken seriously. Toph was allowed to leave her toxic parents and find people who accepted her for who she is, she was allowed to prove people wrong and be a powerful character in her own right. meanwhile, Entrapta was forced to be friends with the people who mistreated her and she was only kept around because she was useful.

[cheeseanonioncrisps]

Boiling hot take, but we're never going to be able to tackle the problem of bullying, especially in schools but also in general, unless we address the fact that some people, especially some kids, are just… not that great to be around.

And that's not always their fault.

Like, as an autistic adult, when I look back on the ways I was treated as a kid, on the one hand I think "fuck that was shitty to live through", but on the other hand, I kinda get it?

I was loud and regularly called out in class or interrupted people when they were talking.

I had a narrow range of interests that I was very interested in, and wasn't great at recognising when the person I was discussing them with wanted to talk about something else.

I couldn't judge my tone of voice and so things I said often came across as insulting when I didn't mean them to.

I was highly opinionated and argumentative.

I would sometimes lash out at people physically (when provoked).

I growled and hissed at people like a cat when I wanted them to go away, because I didn't know how to communicate that in human terms.

I used to hit and bite myself when I felt frustrated, and a couple of times threatened to hurt myself during stressful social interactions.

I had a loose grasp of personal hygiene.

Was any of this a justifiable excuse for bullying me? No. I was a kid, struggling with a brain that was structured very differently to everyone else's. I didn't even know what I was doing wrong a lot of the time. I had a disability.

But was this a justifiable excuse for not wanting to hang out with me? Fuck yeah.

Like, I would have liked it better if I'd been able to have close friends in primary school (without the teachers having to literally set up a structured group of people who were willing to befriend me, complete with weekly meetings where we discussed our social issues with an adult mediator present)? Yeah. That would have been great.

But I was also weird and unpredictable and gross and inconsiderate, and I wouldn't have wanted to hang out with me either. The other kids didn't owe me their friendship. (Even though, again, none of those things were my fault.) But that doesn't mean I deserved mistreatment.

Basically, I think there would be less bullying if we had more preschool books and Very Special Episodes about how to handle interacting with people who are essentially harmless, but who you don't really want to be friends with all the same.

Get rid of the dichotomy in kids media where everyone is either deliberately and purposefully being unpleasant because they can, OR Just Like You with no annoying or unpleasant traits whatsoever.

Sometimes people just are Annoying. It sucks. But part of living in a society is learning to walk away from those people and leave them be, rather than treating their existence as a personal attack.

[mattdevil]

Saw this discussion in the jayvik tag and wanted to wade in:

I think the larger problem with the "Viktor is ace!" "Ace people can still like sex/romance!" discourse is that the Viktor-being-ace bit hit a lot of people, myself included, as a kneejerk reaction from CL to try and kibosh any and all mention of there being ~something more~ between the two. It was treated as a "gotcha" in a way that implies CL doesn't have a good understanding of aspec identities, and I think a lot of people had very strong reactions to that; so in an attempt to counter what feels like bad faith stereotyping, the pendulum gets swung too far back the other direction with the unfortunate side effect of making it seem like everyone participating believes that ALL aspec folks can, or even should, also participate in sexual or romantic relationships. I think if he'd said "hey it's cool you see it that way, our intent was to have V be aroace with no interest in sexual or romantic relationships because that is criminally underrepresented in media" (which is true), there would have been a very different reaction. There were two missing elements: an expression or acknowledgement of deeper understanding of aspec identities, and a willingness to accept that creative intent doesn't somehow trump or disenfranchise how your audience receives it. He missed on both, so now we are here.

Yeah you're totally right.

I agree with the valid criticisms of what Linke did. I don't think he actually knows the difference between asexual and aromantic. Based on what he said, he just asked around about which orientation was underrepresented anyways and he seem to have gone into this with minimal research, which made this maybe well intentioned attempt at ace representation turn into a shitshow. Because I agree with him in viewing Jayvik as a platonic ship gives the dynamic a fresh spin. I believe he actually intended to make Viktor aroace, but it was kind of a shitty move to reveal this as a way of bashing all the other interpretations, which made a lot of people perceive it as homophobic as this was done in response to shippers.

People are also upset with the stereotypical implications Viktor being ace implies, such as making disabled characters ace which makes them seem devoid of sexuality.

That being said, I think a lot of people have lost the plot too because Linke is now being accused with being ableist, homophobic and aphobic a lot more than what's proportional. I've seen people say he only made Viktor asexual because he is disabled and "robotic", because he saw Viktor as undesirable and quite inhuman. These are bullshit takes and people are pulling them out of nowhere imo. I have never seen anything suggesting Linke viewing Viktor's disability as something negative. Calling him a robot is outright wrong too because he got merged with the arcane, he didn't robotise himself like in the games. So none of these really contribute to Viktor's "negative" representation. Also, Linke could very well be homophobic but it kinda doesn't seem quite anormal for creators to talk about the intended details in the show after the show is over, so I don't think he did that reveal at a very odd point. Which now got me wondering aside from giving the homophobic fans the excuse to bash Jayvik shippers, whether we jumped the gun on calling him homophobic too.

I also agree with how the reactions would be a lot better if Linke handled the creative intent speech a lot better, but I'm not sure if it still would've made stop everyone from saying "hey even if he is asexual he can still have sex with Jayce" because this is just what shipping culture is like. As I've talked about it on the previous ask, people LOVE shipping, and they make aspec characters a part of this phenomenon regardless of how their sexual or romantic desires are presented in the source material.

Overall I agree with what you're saying though. Thank you for your insight.

[weirdestcornelius]

Considering recent events and posts I'd like to point out that this is supposed to be constructive criticism. Not bullying. Not anything else.

I don't try to "criticize" things Kc cannot control, such as the fandom. That whole Party discourse thing? That was me criticizing the fandom. Kittycorn squeakself has never made or alluded to any toxic ships. It was moreso me just being angry at the fandom for shipping a therapist with their clients AND ignoring Party's sexuality considering he's gay/achillean from what I've been informed. It was not an attack towards the ZCP or Kittycorn because they genuinely couldn't control these things if they TRIED. If anything, it's the fandoms fault for it.

I know that this comic is meant to be comforting for kit. The only things I've given constructive criticism for is is the way that disabilities are handled. And there's no way you can tell me I am "bullying" when I say that because I am literally a visually impaired person giving constructive criticism on how a disability that relates to MINE could be better handled in the comic. I love Sparklecare as someone who has experienced ableism from almost everyone around me. I think it's a great way to symbolize ableism and the way the healthcare system is inherently toxic and a breeding ground for trauma and assault.

I only made this a separate blog from my main because I figured people wouldn't want to see constructive criticism on my main. Not to mention that some people in the fandom (not blaming Kc or the ZCP for this) can really be white knights and decide that anything less than positivity for the comic is an attack against Kc. You can tell me this isn't true but I've seen people be called all flavors of slurs and even been told to harm themselves over this. And I'm talking about literal children having to put up with being sent these things. Regardless of the blog or not, I should NOT be scared of saying anything against the comic in fear of getting death threats. The fandom is getting bad behind the scenes and I do not blame Kc for that. Kit did nothing to deserve this. Especially all of those "criticism" blogs that aren't actually criticism, but just bullying the comic and tearing it apart. When I agree that SCH has its problems, all media does and we should simply acknowledge these without saying the entire comic is garbage because. It's not. It has gotten so many people, me included out of dark places and when I criticize it I always try to make it as constructive as possible because I genuinely love this comic and its message. It hits super close to home for me and I love to see the story and characters grow and change. This includes me feeling comfortable enough to give constructive advice on how disabilities similar to mine could be more comfortably portrayed. I have never and never will say that the comic or Kc are bad because honestly? The comic already treats (most) disability or disorders a LOT better than other media does. And that's something I praise it for. I could go on and on about the things I like about this comic and characters, like Creams AFRID being treated in a humanizing and positive way. As someone with food sensitivity, I am so happy to see it be painted in a normal, healthy way and not the characters making fun of it, as a lot of media does.

But loving something means you need to acknowledge its flaws. And Sparklecare has flaws, as all media does. That does NOT mean that you should make Kc feel bad about her own fucking trauma. You are not entitled to know kits trauma. You are not entitled to the characters identities. You can say something Upsets you, but that doesn't mean that it's inherently bad. Some things on this blog are just things that upset me. It's okay to be upset by things. But it doesn't mean that whatever upsets you should immediately be changed unless it is an actual problem and not just something that YOU personally do not like.

This turned out way longer than I thought it would, but I uh. Just wanted to get that out there.

[duskcourse]

Duskcourse Controversial Take 3

I know I'm going to get a lot of flack for this but at this point this is a genuine concern of safety in my honest opinion. There is genuinely no way to create a safe DID exclusive community online without therapists involved and it being a therapeutic group.

There should be no DID exclusive spaces online without third party moderation.

Now some people are going to react aggressively to this sentiment, they're going to get incredibly upset with me and see this as me wanting to take things away from them. The truth couldn't be further from that. I do think that it's important for people with DID such as myself to be able to find others and talk to them, I think our experiences feel more validated through having met others with the disorder. However the sheer amount of harm that we've experienced from the environments of DID exclusive spaces and some of the behavior of other systems especially those who I specifically became close with due to having a similar disorder has made it clear to me it's simply not safe.

You know what being someone with DID tells the bad people in these small enclosed communities? That you're vulnerable to abuse, manipulation, and may forget how bad their abuse is. There's this underlying idea that people have that others with DID are safe. In my case I was treated horrifically for having grown up in a cult and daring to mention it offhandedly. To this first server I was seen as literally the same as my abusers because clearly me mentioning my trauma would cause people to die for whatever reason. The second server wasn't actually an exclusive space, but the mentality from these exclusive spaces stuck with me. Others with DID obviously were safer to be around and understood me better and are naturally safe... she even had a plural section in her server. My ideas taken from the way people seemed to put those who have the same disorders on a pedestal of further safety than any others are what lead to me getting groomed and abused for two years by my mentor and her partner who was another mentor for me. This lead to them introducing me to their friend, my ex-friend and third groomer.

Of course now I am aware my past mentor was lying about having DID then claimed OSDD but from my current awareness is actually an endogenic system. This however doesn't erase the fact I found her due to claims of having DID and trusted her more intensely than others. I relied on her in a deeply unhealthy way the same amount and then more over and over again as I had in DID exclusive spaces.

DID is a deeply stressful and debilitating disability. Regardless of how hard you try to make a safe online community (specifically discord) you will not be able to. People with these very extreme conditions who aren't far enough into therapy and recovery should not be making communities when they're incredibly unstable themselves. People with severely unstable conditions should not be throwing themselves into places where people often claim to be a provider, psuedo-parent, a place of safety and knowing how to make them do better while nobody is a professional or a therapist. The amount of harm done to people from being convinced of things that hurts them and their recovery as well is horrific.

Most people with DID also have a lot of comorbidities. Putting a bunch of severely mentally ill and deeply traumatized people is a recipe for disaster. The amount of times people trigger each other into spiraling or blow up at one another due to comorbid disorders leads to the entire experience being between walking on eggshell and hot coals. These spaces are not safe as they're never equipped to handle the sheer amount of issues that all of us bring.

For example we ourselves have massive comorbidities. I have ADHD, Autism, Bipolar 1, Depression, Anxiety, OCD, PTSD, and C-PTSD. I know I'm not stable enough to be able to moderate communities that include others with things like that too as I'm a 20 year old with no professional experience and a degree in something else. I've known people with longer lists of disorders than mine who moderate DID exclusive spaces and they get fucked over for it because of the sheer amount of horrific topics they have to shift through in that moderation.

I think there can be stuff like the Tumblr community where it's less centrally organized and has moderation done by the affirm already. But specific servers and exclusive communities without third parties are dangerous.

[minu-moni]

What I think is interesting to analyze when looking into a character portrayal is to notice how the author influences in the character’s actions.

Let’s compare Gamzee to Jevil, from Deltarune.

Both characters are essentially “character who came in contact with someone that gave them more knowledge than they could handle and they went insane because of it” but how Hussie and Toby run with this idea is majorly different.

While Hussie writes Gamzee to be an irredeemable monster, an abuser and overall a shitty person, Toby goes the other way with Jevil.

Throughout Deltarune’s chapter one if you’re going to do the hidden boss, you get some information from Seam about Jevil. He speaks about Jevil mostly with caution, but he never villainizes him. And while Jevil is implied to have hurt people, so much so that he had to be locked up, Seam never treats him as a villain. He treats him as an old friend and even speaks fondly of him after you beat his fight. There is no instance where Toby writes Jevil to be inherently evil, abusive or a shitty person overall, and the fandom mostly sees him on a positive light.

Gamzee however, is the opposite. His encounter with Lil Cal turns him into a villain with no redeeming qualities and strips him of any personality and nuance to the point he doesn’t even speak. He is also retconned to always have been an asshole and then Hussie goes out of his way to villainize him and treat his situation as something that turned him into a villain, instead of a character with flaws who was manipulated and used in some way.

And how does the fandom treat Gamzee? They absolutely despise him. There’s a pretty vocal bunch in the Homestuck fandom that thinks Gamzee is just a shitty person who chose to serve Lord English and kill all his friends, and part of this is because of how he’s portrayed in the comic.

Let’s not also forget about how Gamzee is written as neurodivergent and black-coded, while those characteristics are missing in Jevil’s character (at least in any major way). And while maybe not intentional, I absolutely believe that this influenced Hussie’s way of writing Gamzee. There’s too many influences of this to not be so.

People, specifically people of color and disabled people, have said this for a long time now, but this discussion goes unaddressed and recognized by the part of the fandom that hates Gamzee, which downplays these concerns, and Hussie, who doesn’t address them at all and even makes fun of people for thinking of Gamzee with more nuance on the epilogues.

Comparing those two characters and the way they’re written, we can see that it’s clearly an author problem. Hussie writes Gamzee so poorly that people have actually found instances of possible racism and ableism in him, meanwhile there’s way less of an issue with Jevil, who is written as nuanced and the fandom absolutely loves him for it.

Y’all need to stop talking about characters like they actually chose what they did. They’re not real. Someone wrote them to act the way they do. They’re not independent, they’re not conscientious, they don’t choose anything. It’s the author that chooses what they will do, and their biases absolutely influences the writing of such.

[edwardallenpoe]

Happy disability pride month to disabled black people who had to fight tooth and nail to be listened to,

To be believed,

To be treated correctly.

Happy disability pride month to black people who were mistreated because the doctors still believe that black people don't feel as much pain as white people,

or that you're lying so you can get narcotics,

Or that you were "crazy",

who died because of neglect or violence against you for your disability.

Happy disability pride month to mentally disabled black people who were misdiagnosed with ODD,

Who were treated horridly compared to your mentally disabled white counterparts, because you're a "crazy violent black person",

Who is almost never included when people talk about disability activism.

Who died because of violence against you for your disability.

Happy disability pride month to disabled people who fear demanding accessibility and inclusion and accommodations because you'll be "feeding into stereotypes",

Who cannot communicate because no one understands or will listen anyways,

Who cannot leave your house, because of how difficult and/or impossible it is to exist outside, because even though the ugly laws have been removed, they're still working in this society, and the fact people don't mask and places like New York are banning masks, making it life or death for you to go outside,

Who are homeless, and/or have been beaten and killed by police because they can't handle people in crisis, let alone "scary" black people,

Who needs caregivers or service animals, but because doctors think you're "stronger than you seem", you're not able to get any,

Who's caregivers are abusing you, but no one believes you,

Happy disability pride month to black people with invisible disabilities,

who had no idea they were disabled until later on in life,

or where misdiagnosed at an early age and were further disabled because of it,

Or were forced to suck it up and hide it when you told anyone you needed help.

Happy disability pride month to black people with "gross" and "ugly" and "scary" and "violent" disabilities,

To the narcissists who are constantly viewed as violent, and the added weight of being perceived as a violent black person,

To the paraphiles who are in recovery but people treat you like dirt and try to harm you because of course you're one of those,

To the addicts who can't get help for their addiction because of stereotypes and are put in dangerous situations by cops because of relapses or overdoses and the cops not being able to properly handle your situation,

To the suicidal black people who can't call crisis hotlines or the cops, who can't go to the ER because they make your situation worse,

To all the black disabled people in the world: I wish you the happiest disability pride month. We deserve it.

[gabriel-xander]

Don't Forget

[Sans x Female!Reader]

4: Reading the Instructions on the Back of My Ramen Noodles Package: "Oh, Lore?"

♪───✿⁠(⁠✧◕⁠ᴗ⁠◕✧⁠)✿⁠────♪

You and Toriel came to an immediate and silent agreement: do not leave the house alone.

She isn’t trying to keep you imprisoned, nor are you such a pussy that you’re too scared to be alone. You’re actually pretty strong since one, you thought it would be funny. Two, you used to have to carry someone your age a lot when you were seventeen, so you (had to) build some muscles to be able to do it regularly. After that, you thought it’d be good to maintain that strength.

[Your build is actually deceiving to your physical strength, though. / Most people can probably guess you’re strong from your stature.] Either way, you don’t use that strength for malice since you don’t enjoy hurting others, and one day you’ll be officially taking the Hippocratic Oath. You might as well start living by it now to the best of your abilities.

It’s already the next day since you’ve arrived in the Underground, and there have been no signs of Flowey. You’re sure Toriel must be able to at least sense him, but not even she can say if he’s watching from afar or not.

Toriel is taking it upon herself to show you around the Ruins, taking you back to the beginning.

You picked up the toy knife before getting busy. You explained to Toriel that you won't use it, but you just liked to collect things. It's not really a lie, so you didn't feel bad about hiding your true intentions.

Anyway, Toriel watches you do the puzzles on your own, surprised to see how easily you’re able to do them fairly quickly.

“Not to give myself a congratulatory slap on the a–ahh–on the back,” You quickly correct yourself since there are monsters in the room, “But I was in high honors and AP classes at University. I got a big brain in this noggin’ of mine.”

You only corrected your language to keep up the appearance that you’re a kid. It’s not ideal, but you’re not trying to blow your cover.

──

“I would… advise that you continue to wear this out should we leave the house,” Toriel had told you as she gave back your washed, striped dress, “I don’t want to tell you how you should act or talk, but it might be a little safer this way. If somehow, you encounter a fight, monsters may not attack you as hard if they believe you to be a child. You understand, do you not?”

You pouted, taking the dress, “Yeah… Yeah, you’re right. Uh, I would like to apologize in advance if I swear on accident, though. I can’t help it.”

“Oh, please. It’s not as if though children don’t have a potty mouth as well.”

──

Yeah, certainly not ideal. But you know she’s right so there’s no use in arguing with it. You and the goat mom leave the rotating rooms that aren’t actually rotating. The next room you enter is the one with the six patches on the floor, with the right switch in one of them. However, since the spikes on the ground have already been disabled, you don’t have to worry about these puzzles.

“Speaking of,” Toriel continues, walking by your side, “What was your life on the surface, my child?”

Oh, boy.

“Uh, it’s not very interesting. I’m in University to become a doctor–more accurately, I wanna get into med school to become a surgeon.”

“A surgeon? You mean those doctors that cut into bodies?”

You laugh, “Well, that’s one way of putting it for sure. More accurately, we treat injuries, diseases, and irregularities by physical removal, repair, or readjustment of organs and tissues, and that often means cutting into the body.”

“Oh, I understand more now. Is that not extremely dangerous?”

“It’s risky, for sure. I mean, unlike monsters, our bodies can handle that kind of stress of being cut open and healing after a while. But we’re still cutting into people, no matter what, there’s always some kind of percentage that something might go unplanned.”

You say “we” and “us”, but you’ve never cut anyone open. You legally can’t anyway until you get into the proper practices and have a superior watching you. You don’t know the first thing about cutting into someone either. You understand how to on paper, but that’s vastly different than actually doing it. If you so much as tried with your current knowledge, you might seriously hurt someone.

You shrug your shoulders with a smile, “It’s scary, you know, but it gives us a fighting chance rather than just not doing anything at all.”

“That’s quite admirable, [Y/n]. You should be proud of yourself!” Toriel beams, “What else was your life like?”

You wave at the three Froggits in the room you two pass through, pleased that they’re waving back. It might be from fear since they’re intimidated by Toriel, but you’d like to think it’s because they like the cut of your jib.

“I think in comparison to most people, it was pretty… wacky. My family is okay, I’m not close to my mom, but my dad is one of my best friends. I have two younger siblings, too.”

“What are your siblings names?”

“Noah is seventeen, and he tries to be a protective brother over me. But uh, he’s kind of a weenie. He means well, his heart is just really gentle. As for Alejandro, he’s fifteen. He’s really quiet and shy, but he’s got a stronger resolve than Noah. They make a pretty good team whenever I bring a date over when I used to live with them,” You roll your eyes, though you have a contradicting smile on your face, “I love them to bits.”

You don’t bring up the fact that you’re all adopted children, since that information is unnecessary. Not only that but your mom and dad would always scream “LA-LA-LA-LA-LA” whenever you or your siblings call each other adopted. You think it’s sweet they always reprime you and your brothers about it.

“You must miss them…” Toriel hums softly, a sad smile on her face.

You pass the Spider Bake Sale sign and start to go down the hall where Napstablook should be pretending to sleep.

“I do, but I miss them every day. I haven’t seen them in almost half a year because of school. I call them regularly, but we kind of have this understanding that I need to live my own life”

“Ah, I understand,” The boss monster nods, “Did you have any signi-”

“-Hey, wait a second.”

You put your arm in front of Toriel, stopping her from walking forward. She gives you a questioning look, looking over to the direction you’re pointing. It’s a ghost lying down on a pile of red leaves, effectively “blocking” the way. You could probably just walk through it and continue your day, but…

“Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z…”

“Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z…”

“Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z-Z…”

The ghost, Napstablook, is pretending to sleep so well. He’s almost convinced you that he was napping if it weren’t for the fact that he is repeating the letter “Z” out loud repeatedly. Toriel doesn’t look impressed in the slightest, but you were greatly amused.

“This ghost is sleeping so peacefully,” You tell her in a hushed voice, “Let’s try walking around him.”

“…” She gives you the funniest side eye, “He’s clearly pretending to be asleep, [Y/n].”

“You don’t know that.”

“He’s saying “Z” out loud repeatedly.”

“It could be a ghost thing.”

You’re trying hard not to laugh at her expression. It’s like she knows you’re joking, but there’s that slight hesitation just in case you genuinely believe Napstablook is taking a siesta. Fortunately for you both, you don’t have to worry so much because Napstablook conveniently wakes up from his nap.

“i usually come to the ruins because there’s nobody around…” Napstablook opens his eyes, looking at you with a sheepishly little smile, “i’ll never forget that you had so much encouragement in my fake sleep…”

“Oh, I’m glad, then!” You smile patiently, offering him a thumbs up.

The shy ghost’s eyes flicker to Toriel, tensing up at her motherly glare.

“oh, i’m rambling again. i’ll get out of your way…”

“Wait, you–”

Napstablook doesn’t wait for you to finish. His body becomes more transparent than before until he’s gone. Oh… Well, that was disappointing. You sigh and gesture for Toriel to pass through first since the walkway is a little too narrow.

“It doesn’t seem like all the monsters are so bad,” You say offhand, “Maybe the ghost and I can be friends one day.”

“Mm… Perhaps, but…”

“I get it, I do. I’m still nervous around anyone who isn’t you right now. But you know, if we let our fear control our lives, we might miss out on a lot of great opportunities.”

Toriel laughs gently, “You are quite insightful, my child.”

“I might only be twenty-three, but I have my fair share of life experience,” You shrug, “Anyway, what were we talking about before we got interrupted?”

“Oh, yes. Did you have any significant others? Or do you currently have one?”

“HA!! As if anyone could handle my punk-ass. I’ve had a few partners before, but none that lasted for too long. I did have a first love, though.”

“Oh, dear. Did it not work out well?”

You reach the room with the mouse and the cheese. You smile softly as you two pass by the table. You hope the mouse can get the cheese one day.

“No, nothing like that. He had a skin condition that made him sensitive to the sunlight, and it made his immune system extremely fragile. He also had a brain tumor that was developing way too quickly to top it all off. We couldn’t afford his surgery no matter what we did, and he eventually passed away when we were seventeen.”

“Oh… [Y/n],” Toriel looks heartbroken on your behalf, “I am so sorry for your loss.”

Briefly, she wonders if that’s why you want to become a doctor. If he had inspired you to pursue this career for yourself… What was your original dream before that?

You shake your head, “No, it’s not–He’s not a painful memory, and I never feel bad talking about him. But… He is my first love, you know? There is some grief and that’s a type of love you never truly forget or get over, but it’s more like I’m missing an old friend. I’ve grown to be more grateful about him than bitter.”

“If you don’t mind, what was his name?”

You smile brightly, happy to be able to share him with another, “His name was Kōrenki.”

────

On the way, you DID remember to pick up the Faded Ribbon and pocket it. Toriel was worried when you purposely fell in each hole (to look for it), but you couldn't leave it behind in good conscience.

You love talking with Toriel, and you get the feeling she loves talking to you, too! You’ve mostly been talking about yourself since she is so insistent on knowing about you. You tried returning the gesture multiple times, but as soon as she answered, she would follow up with another question about yourself.

You kept out a lot of gruesome things, though. Like how you’ve been stabbed, like, eight times in the past. How you were a law-breaking kid before a Kōrenki had put you on a better path. You did NOT mention that you thought you could totally be a singer but gave up immediately because singing in front of people is too embarrassing.

Every time you tell people that, they tend to pressure you into singing so they can judge for themselves. Just as if you tell someone if you’re ticklish, they’ll try tickling you. Even if you say you aren’t ticklish, they’ll think you’re lying and tickle you anyway-

Short story long, you learned not to bring that up about yourself.

“Wow, we’ve been walking down this hallway forever,” You chuckle as you barely reach the end of it.

“This is the Hallway of Independence.”

“How ominous.”

“Fortunately, since you are older and I am also with you, there is no need to test your independence.” Toriel furrows her brows as you two near the end of the hall, “Now… as for this part…”

Ah, the spiked floor. Unlike in Undertale, you didn’t have to wait for the rooms to load to see what’s up ahead. Reaching the end of the hall, you’ve encountered the wooden platform that leads into the metal, spiked floor. You wish you could remember the pattern of the other room to do it alone, but the memory escapes you.

“This puzzle is… Hm,” Toriel holds her hand to you, “Here, take my hand for a moment. Stay behind me, won’t you?”

You take her soft hand, giving it a light squeeze, “Got it, teach.”

Toriel takes you closer to the platform, and with little to no hesitation, she takes a step forward onto the spikes on the outermost right side. Before the bottom of her foot comes in contact with the metal, it retracts into the floor immediately. You pay attention to where she’s stepping as you follow behind her; it feels really familiar to you, and you can predict where she might step next.

Huh.

Guess you subconsciously remembered more than you originally thought.

You and the monster sigh simultaneously once you’ve reached the other side, safely off the hazardous puzzle.

“Some puzzles might seem too dangerous for now,” Toriel frowns.

You release her hand and walk up to the sign that hung on the wall. The text is a little faded, but you can still read it without much trouble.

“The western room is the eastern room’s blueprints.” You hurry to the east room, grinning and weakly pointing at the carpet, “Ahh, that’s clever. How long did it take for you to memorize that?”

The Goat Mother of the Year™ simply huffs a small laugh, “Not too long. I happen to have a very good memory, especially for things that I know are very important.”

“Now, isn’t that convenient? If I had a great memory like that I wouldn’t have needed to study so much for my mid-terms.”

Now you two enter one of the mine rooms, the one with the Dummy. The Dummy looks like he’s seen better days, but is still they’re still up and kicking it. Good for them. Good for them. (Damn, these bitches gay. Good for them. Good for them.)

Toriel stops at the doorway, though. She must want you to practice FIGHTing and ACTing on the Dummy.

Here’s the thing though: You don’t fucking know how. Unlike the game, the FIGHT, ACT, ITEM, and MERCY buttons weren’t in front of you so conveniently. Sure, you can compliment a son of a bitch, but do you just… do you just say: “Alright, you’re Spared. Now give me three gold.”?? You’re not sure if that’s allowed.

Did calling Flowey a Beta Cuck count as an Action? Did telling him he was stupid count, too?

“As a human living in the Underground, monsters may attack you. As we are both aware of when it came to that strange flower monster.” Ruh roh, Toriel is giving her speech. Perhaps she did expect you to practice on the Dummy. “You need to be more prepared for this. However, the process is simple.”

You step up to the Dummy, “Really now?”

“While you are in a fight, strike up a friendly conversation! Stall for time, and I will come to resolve the conflict.”

You grimace, “And… what if you’re not where you can hear me? Or if I’m too far away?”

The other woman didn’t seem to like this possibility. Her face scrunches up as she looks away, “Well… I suppose… We should be careful should you ever want to step out of the house.”

“I’m not in a hurry to leave the Ruins, I actually like it here. But… You can’t come with me everywhere, Toriel.” You tell her, aware this might not be something she wants to hear. “This is where making friends with the other monsters would be good for me. Maybe they’d be less likely to fight me, or even want to help keep me safe.”

You continue with a smile, “Like that ghost fella we ran into. He didn’t seem like he was feeling up for a fight. Who knows? We might get along if we got to know each other.”

She looks away for a moment, “I… I suppose we will have to consider it. Especially since you don’t plan to leave the Ruins…”

“Oh… Does me… Should I leave the Ruins eventu-”

“-NO!” Toriel blushes (magically, you assume) and looks away to the far wall, “Ahem. No. I am–very grateful that you desire to stay, my child. More than you know.”

Oh, you know very well. And maybe it’s that reason that helps you accept that you can never leave this place.

“Still,” The goat mom, now in higher spirits at you confirming that you want to stay with her for a long time, walks to stand by with you, “I would like it if you would practice against the Dummy. Perhaps I can even teach you a few self-defense techniques. Ah–Not to seriously harm anyone, but perhaps something that can keep you safe enough.”

“Yeah, I’d love that, Toriel.”

[imagine-silk]

companions with an absolute 1 int nate... low intelligence specimen like 1 int courier

》Sorry I've been distracted. Veilguard got me in a choke hold.

》I also ripped into Nate and I kind of feel bad but I got it done ദ്ദി(˚ ˃̣̣̥⌓˂̣̣̥ )

【Cait】 "That's the dumbest fuckin' thing I've ever heard."

The first time they ever met he asked her what planet she was from. She always thought Nate was trying to pick a fight. Eventually she just started treating him like he's stupid but it takes a while before she actually thinks he's not doing it on purpose. After that she's just done with Nate half of the time. But the second someone calls him dumb she brings down hell. How fucking dare they?! Only she can say that.

【Curie】 "Fascinating! You seem to have no lack of brain functions."

She is so enamored with him. She studied Nate in hopes of figuring out how to combat brain damage but found there was nothing wrong with his brain chemically or biologically. And she finds that absolutely interesting. It must be a psychological issue then. She's not equip to handle that so it will be a learning experience for everyone involved.

【Codsworth】 "That's right, sir!"

He figured Nate had some sort of learning disability before the bombs so he was refashioned with a program that would let him better serve, not a teacher but not offensive. When Nate fails to understand the most basic thing Codsworth will explain in small words what it is. On the off chance Nate figures out something he hasn't encountered before he'll be very enthusiastic about it and show his pride.

【Danse】 "I'm not sure how you came to that conclusion, soldier."

At first Danse thinks Nate is wasting his time on purpose by in essence poking fun at everything to the absurd. I mean, Nate literally asked why he wasn't shooting lasers out of his eyes. Then when he realizes he was just dumb he kind of hated that they needed him. With all the resources the Brotherhood had they needed a dumbass like this to help them. After BB though Danse has a huge change of heart because this dumbass successfully convinced him killing himself was stupid. So even if Nate wasn't smart Danse vowed to stay with him so Nate wouldn't have any trouble.

【Deacon】 "That's absolutely genius."

He knows immediately this isn't a prank or an act. Still he plays along to not only keep the air light but to also keep moving. Sometimes he'll say things on purpose to make Nate say something dumb but most times he doesn't need to. Whenever they go to a new place and the person they're talking to look to him for help he just smiles.

【Hancock】 "You tell it how it is, brother."

He likes how free Nate is, not restrained even if it is the weirdest shit he's ever heard come out of someone's mouth. Nate asked him where his nose went and Hancock said he didn't know either. He likes the lack of shame even if he knows it's because Nate doesn't know better. When people try to give him shit Hancock will spin it so the whole conversation is absurd to the point they also say stupid things.

【MacCready】 "Ha, that's funny."

He thinks Nate is joking and finds it funny in a very juvenile way. To him the crudeness and ironic things felt familiar so it was very welcomed. It takes a very very very long time until he realizes Nate is actually just astoundingly dumb. At first it makes him uncomfortable because he was laughing but he realized he was always laughing at the thing not at Nate so he figured it was fine.

【Nick】 "I know we didn't meet before. Would've remembered someone like you."

When Nate found out Nick was technically from the past he incessantly asked about it. Why did they never see each other? Was he always a robot? How did he know? A lot of questions that should have been answered in a first glance. Somehow Nick ended up a babysitter to a goblin man more than a detective. If he had the capacity he knew he'd be so fucking tired all the time.

【Preston】 "..."

He's actually not sure if he's gone crazy. He doesn't think so but Nate makes absolutely no sense and that's on top of being from a different time. Preston half thinks he came from the stone age because there is no way people from before the war were that stupid. Then again they caused an apocalypse so what did he know?

【X6-88】 "How you have survived is a wonder to science."

His expectations of Nate were much higher considering how intelligent Shaun is. So when this fully grown adult asks him why he looks real he knows he's not quite right. He doesn't say it out loud but he so desperately want Nate to get shot in the head so he'll get reassigned. However after the Institute is gone and he's stuck on the surface he figures he might as well listen to the dumbest things alive instead of waiting around.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

Oh You NEVER Introduce Yourself to Fae...

Miss Euphemia Reeves begins her fairy tale by making a cardinal mistake: she offers her full name to Juniper Jubilee, the Lord Blackthorn. And then Lord Blackthorn promptly appoints himself Effie's fairy godfather and is so damn enthusiastic and desperate to help that he becomes the single biggest obstacle to Effie fulfilling her fairy bargain. Let's talk Ten Thousand Stitches.

There are two major things I love about this book. First, I love that it does not frame anger as an inherently negative thing that needs to be gotten rid of or overcome; in point of fact, anger is what saves the day in this fairy tale. That actually gives Effie a real Sam Vimes vibe, truth be told, but we'll come back to that. Second, I actually loved how much of the book I spent yelling "HE LOVES YOU, OPEN YOUR EYES AND SEE IT" at Effie. Our girl is here for class solidarity and equitable treatment of servants, but wow can she not see true love when it's standing in front of her with puppy dog eyes.

Effie's two main plotlines are full on coming for the family she works for because they are abusing and exploiting their servants, and trying to get Benedict to fall in love with her. One of these goes significantly better than the other, because Effie turns out to be a magician whose magic works through embroidery. And this is where I want to really dig into how anger is handled in this novel.

As someone who was femme socialized in the 90s and early 00s, I definitely got the "anger and noise are not feminine, don't do that" and "anger is an inherently bad emotion." (To clarify: I did not get this from my parents, they were great. I got this from the REST of society.) Now as a grown-ass adult woman with some serious social justice and disability justice axes to grind, I have exactly zero time for moralizing about emotions. They exist, its on us to deal. And Effie's anger is characterized in terms like "bright" and "sharp" and "shining," which is a really lovely change from the deep black cesspool characterization that we usually see.

Atwater understands that anger can be motivating, can be the part of you that KNOWS you have more value than you are being treated with, and that cares deeply for you and the people around you. And Effie can imbue her embroidery with anger that motivates people to keep going, to change things for the better. This is anger that inspires. It's a complex, nuanced, adult living in a capitalist hellscape exploration of anger and its place. And y'all...I am here for it. I love how this is handled in the book.

If I'm being honest, the romance was my least favorite part of this book, because Effie inspiring the servants to basically informally unionize and fight for better lives for all of them is just so, so good, and feels so topical and relevant. And also, Effie just GETS this process, especially once its pointed out to her that she can work her anger magic intentionally. She is nowhere near this good at matters of the heart.

Overall, this was a very fun read, and honestly as a regency fairy tale, I think it hits strong.

[scummy-writes]

I'm sharing some thoughts that may be skewed by misremembering some things.

It's been a while since I played Elbert's route, so anticipate some details I may mess up, but it's sad to me that his route was ... I don't know, a bit bland?

For Ikevil, I have only played 3 out of the 4 available routes, and while William's felt like an outlier, the darkest thing is the trauma. The love explored is pretty...Normal.. Which isn't bad, honestly, I think I just inadvertently keep having my expectations a bit high for a game labeled 'villains' when a majority of these guys are just traumatized and 'villains' because of things out of their control (curses, job situation) and needing more of a support network. (does this make sense? no, i dont think it does, i think I sound insane) It's highly possible Harrison's plays out more like I would want and i just haven't read it yet.

Elbert's trauma was handled decently, I think. There were many times during his route that I was emotional, I was sad! I felt bad for him! The reveal of his childhood was not unexpected due to how others treated him as an adult and some other issues he showed in previous events and similar, but the reveal of how his curse affected his parents was a surprise. And it was dark ! The love was a bit abnormal.... but everything still managed to be a bit bland at the end. We get a random plot with his butler or whatever just shoved in, similar to how Hooke was in Isaac's. And while I think this trauma was very important to explore due to how much that type of trauma would effect someone in many, many, many, many ways, somehow the story just felt ....bland....outside of the trauma. I think the butler would be violent, would be upset, and would be underhanded because elbert is being 'taken away', but it felt a bit cartoonishly handled in that aspect. While I have no doubt he would do that, the writing for those things happening just felt poorly and a bit shoved in.

Maybe that is why I disliked it, things were fine, we needed an explanation for a lot of things, but then we get writing thats like "oh uh we can't focus on these two plots so much, throw in the butler/servants going batshit really hastily" even though it was seemingly never an issue the whole time elbert was at crown? they didn't get their elbert fix that often after crown stuff but after Kate comes in *then* they try and kill the new person immediately? Maybe Elbert came home more often? It's just. I don't know, I can see all these things happening with the servants and butler, but it's also just tipping into a bit too ridiculous to me with how they build it up and then it's handled so briefly at the end. I don't even remember if Elbert reacted much after killing him, which is something that should have been explored if they were going to introduce him. am I just misremembering that? That would be such a major confliction for elbert, like Hooke was for Isaac for a bit (but with elbert it would be 10x more amplified), because...dude there was his abuser! one of them! now they're dead and he's just going to walk it off? No!!! Ugh. I think I inadvertently figured out why i ended up being disappointed by his route through typing this. I thought it was due to being an early route but...

I'm disabling reblogs because while I don't mind a discussion on this, I haven't talked about ikevil much and i am vaguely worried my misremembering will be commented on harshly rather than calmly (paranoia of some other people I've seen/ran into in other fandoms). Feel free to comment.

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Spring is here and so are the meltdowns. My nervous system can’t handle warmer temperatures and it just means my tolerance for sensory stimuli goes down even further. I’ve had two meltdowns yesterday, the second leaving me sobbing myself to sleep and today I’m pretty much exhausted. I went for a 20 minute walk just now because I needed cigarettes and I feel like I could sleep for a week. My ability to mask has been declining for a couple of years, and I’m finding it very difficult not to seem visibly disabled to other people now, which is something I used to be quite good at. But I notice people treating me differently. Even my mama is behaving differently towards me, and stopped telling me things that might upset me. My partner and I were even stopped by the police at an event a couple weeks back because I was “behaving suspiciously”. On the one hand I want to be more myself but on the other hand things seemed so much simpler when I wasn’t and was heavily masking. I’m still coming to terms with being disabled due to being autistic, and working through internalised ableism, and it’s just been rough. At the same time I still have to learn to identify my sensory needs and communicate them and it just all feels so incredibly overwhelming. The seemingly tiniest things set me off and I even started a fight with my partner yesterday which never happens (we talked about it, and worked it out), and I’m finding it very hard to human currently. I managed to take a shower today for the first time in like a week, and I have about a month worth of laundry to do. With so much energy going towards regulating myself there just isn’t a lot left for other things I need to do. I cannot imagine how it would be if I had to provide for myself financially on top of all that and I’m just really glad that my parents still support me and take care of all my bills.