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Starry Nights and Northern Lights

seffis

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the thing about disability is it really does sometimes boil down to "wow i wish i could do that" and then you can't. and it sucks.

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If you're a teenage boy and you're trying to learn how to interact with girls the right way, one of the most important rules is that you can't treat your interactions with the women you meet in the same way that you treat your interactions with your mother.

If you were raised by authoritarian parents, it's very likely that you walked on eggshells to prevent setting them off. One wrong move and they became violent. You may expect that your interactions with your mother will model your interactions with other women.

But around other women, the roles are pretty much reversed. When you're around your authoritarian mother, you have to watch how you act around her in order to prevent setting her off and making her violent, while the worst she has to deal with is not getting her way. But when you interact with women who are your peers, they're the ones who are watching how they act in order to prevent setting you off and making you violent, and you're the one whose worst case scenario is failing to get your way.

When a woman is uncomfortable around you and feels like you're disrespecting her, she's not going to unleash her anger on you in the same way your mother does. She's going to be afraid of you. If a woman says that something you're doing is bothering her but she "doesn't sound serious", it's because she doesn't have the luxury of being able to safely sound serious in the same way your mother does. When your mother is serious, she can strike fear into you by just giving you a threatening look. But you could easily go your entire life without any other woman ever being able to strike fear into you the same way. It's important for you to learn how to take someone seriously without them being able to make you afraid of them.

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i cannot hate myself into a version of me i will love.

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Y'all

Im not on tiktok and never have been, but I downloaded RedNote just to see what is up, and I am witnessing something truly amazing

The Chinese user community is giving the American tiktok refugees an overwhelmingly warm welcome, meanwhile the American users seem to have collectively agreed that not only will they not let the app be taken over with English and they will provide Mandarin subtitles for everything, they are LEARNING MANDARIN. Ive scrolled through so many videos of Americans offering greetings in Mandarin to try to acclimate to the new environment and be respectful, and speakers of both languages are posting lots of tutorials on language basics and internet slang in Mandarin

My God, there is an AMAZING outpouring of curiosity and delight among everyone to learn about each others cultures and daily lives. People are posting videos of landscapes, cities, towns, and natural areas in USA and China, posting recipes and traditional foods, vlogs of everyday life, and reaching out to find people with similar hobbies.

And it's not just young people! There are loads of videos from middle-aged American guys who have come to post about fishing or motorcycles and are now happily chatting with Chinese users sharing the same interests using Google translate

One American guy who was like. in his 60's had a comment on one of his videos that was like "Red Neck?" and he replied "Yes!" and I just about fucking lost it

Also the Chinese users love, and I mean LOVE, Luigi Mangione. He is apparently broadly adored in China. There is SO much fanart and SO many edits.

There are many threads initiating Chinese users to ask questions of American users about the USA, and vice versa, and everyone on both sides is clearing up a lot of misconceptions. Some of the questions I saw a lot from Chinese users were: "Is it true that American parents kick you out of the house as soon as you turn 18" (not often, but sometimes) "Do you all really wear shoes in bed" (NO!!! Apparently a lot of characters in American sitcoms are shown lying in bed with shoes on which I never noticed before!) and "are there really guns everywhere" (yes).

For the most part Chinese content creators seem just overwhelmed by the sudden influx of hundreds of followers that are super enthusiastic about what they're doing. A lot of them have made posts about how initially they thought the uptick in follower count was some kind of error, or that there was some kind of joke or prank, but then they realized the interest and enthusiasm was genuine and now they're welcoming all the newcomers.

I found several posts by Chinese users saying that this felt like a really profound historical moment, where these previously separated worlds are suddenly smashing together and suddenly there is freedom to learn about each other's cultures and connect. One of them said something along the lines of "This is a 21st century Tower of Babel and even though I'm an atheist I hope God lets this tower stand." OUGH MY HEART.

The app itself works a little bit like a video-based version of Pinterest. It's not really my thing so I probably won't be on there long term but it's been amazing to see what's happening.

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I talked about my recent ptsd episode in therapy today and it was actually kinda freeing. Who would’ve thunk.

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What does the arab in your carrd mean? Is it like afab and amab?

.. i’m palestinian

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I haven’t been dealing with many trauma symptoms in years, and kind of thought I was sort of “over it”, but I guess I was really just kidding myself. I have a lot of repressed memories, I barely remember my life up until adulthood at all, but even more so the time I went through several significant traumatic events. 99% of the entire four years are gone/non-retrievable for me (while for the rest of my life it’s more like 95%) and honestly I like it that way. It’s like my brain has made the executive decision to keep all that stored away somewhere I don’t have access to, because the memories are too hard to deal with. This worked fine for the last five years and I haven’t had significant symptoms during that time period, only one off flashbacks that I could handle okay every once in a while. But now, ever since I went off my antidepressants, I’ve been having memories return to my conscious mind now and then. I had the worst ptsd episode I’ve had in a long, long time last night because a single word I read somewhere triggered some memories. I wasn’t sure first whether they were true but I pieced some things together and I now realise they are. I spent about an hour almost entirely non-responsive, just having my brain stuck in a loop replaying that memory I had just remembered over and over. I was able to interrupt it at some point, but the whole thing was just really distressing. Is now the time I need to start actually working on my ptsd? Maybe. I did it a little bit while inpatient a couple months after the last traumatic event but that was really just me sitting under the table having flashbacks and hyperventilating in my then-therapist’s office. Honestly, I don’t want to work on it. I’m too scared that inevitably more memories will return when I engage with my trauma and I don’t really want that to happen.

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Things you can stay instead of "k1lled", "murked" or "unalived":

involuntarily converted to room temperature

cancelled on a corporeal level

successfully transitioned into fertiliser

rendered permanently horizontal

sent to investigate the potential existence of an afterlife

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I accidentally follow people so much on this site that i dont know who half the people on my dash are

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Older Black gay men in long term relationships are rarely covered or seen by main stream media.

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Remember calming cat? Remember when tumblr was this color? If you don’t that’s fine. I just feel old and alone.

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Ill never stop blogging. I could become prime minister and youd still see me on here posting

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mood