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incredibly-delirious-biznasty · 7 months ago

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So now that I have an opportunity to scream about Kendrick Lamar’s Genius on Tumblr

Help yourself to this analytical essay I wrote in 2016 examining “To Pimp a Butterfly” and dissecting the stance that Kendrick is, by definition, a conscious rapper.

Shoutout to Drew Lindsay, the professor whose class I wrote this for. Also, please engage in lyrical analysis and music theory with me 🥺

Throughout his album To Pimp a Butterfly (TPaB), Kendrick Lamar is grappling with big issues of race and resentment. There are many layers to each song on the album and like any modern masterpiece, the true meaning lies below the surface and must be teased out. Many songs on TPaB come across as strictly fighting racism and helping along a powerful message in support of his roots. When digging deeper, we find that even the most overt black support anthems on the album have an argumentative element which questions Lamar’s roots and his thoughts on perceived racism. The conflict evident throughout the album is the incarnation of Kendrick’s personal struggle and reflects the conflict within the black community. TPaB’s message is not overtly positive or uplifting and is highly conflicted and therefore can not be classified as realist or conscious. At it’s core, To Pimp a Butterfly is not a conscious manifesto, telling the viewer exactly what to think, but a conversation about current racial issues that is not firmly positive or negative.

! “King Kunta” is the only track on the album that has a seemingly triumphant message all the way through; however this message takes on a sad note when put in the context of the rest of the album. When taken out of context, “King Kunta” comes across as a celebratory anthem, not only for Kendrick himself but for his homies and his people as well. The Lyrics, “Black man taking no losses” extends from his personal success to the triumph of a black art becoming the most popular music form in the mainstream. Even the title references the prolific slave “Kunta Kintae” who’s leg was

hacked for his “slights” against his white captors. Like a conscious track, it seems to have a clear surface meaning. However, as it happens over and over across the album, the traditional wholesome respectful themes of conscious rap are largely disregarded. The beat and production on this track are some of the most radio friendly and “trendy” on the album and the the first track to carry a piece of Kendrick’s Poem at the end. This seems to give “King Kunta” the high note before the gut punch of meaning. The message of “King Kunta” is predominantly “We made it guys,” but as the album progresses, we are made to beg the question “Made it where?”. As the next track on the record starts to deal with Kendrick’s old neighborhood and the clear negative points of contention start to reveal themselves, “King Kunta” becomes bleaker and more hollow in hindsight as the record progresses.

! “Institutionalized” compares Kendrick’s Compton neighborhood to a prison and starts to unpack conflicting feelings about the draw to his personal roots, and all the negatives that come with. As the preceding snippet of The Poem states “At fist you was conflicted,” it only makes sense that this theme rings throughout this song in many ways. There are many layers of conflict as well as many layers of persona in this track that should all be taken into account. Kendrick himself is “trapped in the ghetto” in more ways than one as he struggles to make a name for himself in the industry. Kendrick misses his home, but feels he can no longer relate to his old station after finding success; and yet he can never shake his ghetto roots and the baggage that comes with. There seem to be no positives left about Kendrick’s home and this displacement is furthered after he takes his homies to an award show and their first instinct is to steal from the celebrities around them. He so desperately wants to have a safe place in his

home when faced with the chaos and pressure of the music industry, but finds his home is now just as confining as the industry. As with most of the tracks on this record, Kendrick also acts as a surrogate for members of the black community to reflect common issues. The BET situation can easily be applied to any black kid who comes out of the ghetto and attempts to make something of themselves. The neighborhood and the attached stigmas follow any possible success and no matter how successful any one of these people gets, the inherent shame and conflict of their less successful or motivated peers and life station will always weigh on their minds. Throughout a predominantly conflicted and negative track, the chorus gives a single ray of hope through the mantra of “Shit don’t change unless you get up and wash your ass”.

! “Alright” uses a black stereotype to grapple with his personal struggle through life and compares it to the struggle of the black community as a whole. When we reach this track, the Poetic additions have reached “the evils of Lucy was all around me” and on the preceding track of “U” Kendrick and the album had hit their lowest point. As the track starts, a slew of new conflicts hits the table. Kendrick is facing his vices and the path he is headed down due to his fame and the influence of the music industry; comparing the game to “Lucy,” an incarnation of the devil in the form of a crafty woman. Again, he doubles as surrogate for the black community and the communal struggle, but fans out this connection to God. The “lawd lovin darkie” is a stereotype that Kendrick is playing on as a positive and embracing despite the pull against such topics in the mainstream rap industry. The voice of the track feels vastly positive; the bounce after the rock- bottom of “U”. However, “Alright” is nothing if not weighed down with struggle and sadness. The conflict of depression and hope clashes with every run of the chorus.

Lucy’s echo of Uncle Sam on “Wesley’s Theory” is a direct comparison of The Music Industry to Satan, a notion that Craig points out has been “a prominent, reoccurring theme [in music] for the past 30 years.”(Vigilant Citizen, 4). The bars have the same rhythm, but manage to hold their identity despite the change from 112 beats per minute(bpm) on “Wesley’s Theory” to the 56bpm of “Alright”. For a composition standpoint this is so impressive and Connor’s description of “...genius level record management in the tradition of Dr Dre”(Connor, 2) is not an exaggeration. The bpm change reflects Kendrick’s state in each song. “Wesley’s Theory” begins the album with a whirlwind ride to money and success with a fast beat and and a blasé attitude. By the echo, Kendrick has hit bottom and his life is crawling through the mud at a snails pace, prolonging his inner conflict and misery. “Alright” has the blurriest line between Kendrick as himself and Kendrick as the silhouette stand in for his people. Although the hook is positive and uplifting, the lyrics have weight and imply that Kendrick’s problems are also the problems of black individuals and the black community as a whole. The hook tells us that “We gon‘ be alright,” yet he describes his hope and his faith failing in times of deepest struggle, leaving the listener feeling (what a shock) conflicted.

! “The Blacker the Berry” is the summation of Kendrick’s struggle throughout the rest of the record; pitting racism against the existing problems perpetuated in the black community, resulting in an inconclusive conversation. This track is easily the most mind- bending and certainly the hard-hitting thesis of the record. Kendrick begins by claiming to be the “biggest hypocrite of 2015” in a mantra that gains weight as the song progresses. With the first verse confronting the white population and police brutality shattering the black community, the weight of the line “You made me a killer,” seems

obvious and, although striking, not extremely unique. As the track progresses, Kendrick accuses The Music Industry of making him a killer. Finally, Kendrick aims his accusations at his black brothers; gangbangers and thieves. If that wasn’t enough, the tracks introduction states “sometimes I get off watchin' you die in vain,” referring to his people. Although this could be the product of internalized racism, or Kendrick’s roots in the Blood/Crip war, nonetheless, it’s taking a stance that is not seen in conscious rap. Kendrick is facing that there is not one reason for violence or racism and therefore the problem can’t be fixed in any simple manner; certainly not one he holds the answer to. So who really made Kendrick a killer? Who made killers of any black man? As a representation, summation, and thesis of the rest of the album, Kendrick is having a conversation about where violence starts and presenting many possible options. They all repeat the same mantras, making them all equal and not singling any one out as more or less valid. In the end there is no clear resolution; just the statement of a problem and an intellectual presentation of thought. “The Blacker the Berry” states that many people and many groups are responsible for the perpetuation of racism, violence, and stereotypes, without attempting to “fix” the situation or even place blame as conscious rap is wont to do. When all of these things are called out, it is no longer about pointing a finger and starting a lynch mob. It becomes a critical reflection and the seed of a conversation. The running theme of the album persists as Kendrick becomes the echo of the black community and his inner conflicts become the conflicts within his community.

! As the album closes, Kendrick’s personal struggle is completely conveyed in a masterful comparison of himself to Tupac Shakur. His journey is not tied up in a neat

bow and the entirety of the album is left open-ended. We are not told explicitly “Kendrick will/will not meet the same end as Tupac,” but left to ponder and discuss. In the same way, we follow Kendrick’s reflection of the black community to its close without resolution. Many believe that “Underneath the tragedy and adversity, To Pimp a Butterfly is a celebration of the audacity to wake up each morning to try to be better, knowing it could all end in a second, for no reason at all,”(Jenkins, 3) and although that is a fair assessment of the album; trying to wrap up a record as complex and nuanced as To Pimp a Butterfly in a neat bow of optimism like that doesn’t do it any justice. TPaB would be nothing without its unending conflict and roller coaster of ups and downs. This blend of conflict and pain is our heart line direct to Kendrick’s soul as his confessional develops and our uniting point as a community under the problems he presents. As The World’s Busiest Music Nerd stated, “[Kendrick’s] not telling us what to think... [he’s] contradicting himself”(Fantano, 11:08). This inability to take a stand (among other explicit sexual and violent gangster themes) is ultimately what disqualifies To Pimp a Butterfly from the conscious spectrum. If the album was anything but what it is, we as the listener would not be able to discuss how we address the problems presented. The album would lose all intrigue and conversation if we were left with a solid resolution. To Pimp a Butterfly is a 78 minute conversation, to create a century’s conversation.

Sources Sited

Theneedledrop, and Anthony Fantano. "Kendrick Lamar - To Pimp A Butterfly ALBUM REVIEW." YouTube. YouTube, 18 Mar. 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.

An in-depth analysis of the formal elements of “To Pimp a Butterfly”. A moment I found really compelling was just around 11:18 when Fantano talks about the conflicted nature of the album. Alludes to Kendrick making a conscious album, but pays very close attention to the music beneath the flows and how it compels the message. The rare 10/10.

Connor, Martin. "Kendrick Lamar: Rap Music Analysis." The Composer's Corner. Blogspot, 24 July 2015. Web. 14 Apr. 2016.

Connor analyzes Lamar’s production unity despite multiple producers. He hails this foresight into record management as genius level: on par with Dr Dre’s production insight and Jay-Z’s ear for album unity. Connor goes on to compare the seeding of musical ideas across tracks to classical compositions. He uses the example of an echoing verse with identical musical rhythms; despite the bpm change across tracks (56bpm on “Alright” and 112bpm on “Wesley’s Theory”

Jenkins, Craig. "To Pimp a Butterfly." Kendrick Lamar: Album Review. Pitchfork Publications, 19 Mar. 2015. Web. 21 Apr. 2016.

“Underneath the tragedy and adversity, To Pimp a Butterfly is a celebration of the audacity to wake up each morning to try to be better, knowing it could all end in a second, for no reason at all.”

Business, Music. "Kendrick's Deeper Story." Vigilant Citizen. The Vigilant Citizen, 27 Nov. 2015. Web

#kendrick lamar #k dot #to pimp a butterfly #tpab #tupac shakur #rap #musical analysis #conscious rap #gangsta rap #lyrical analysis #academic writing #long post #*shoves my hyperfixation down your throat*

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bestworstcase · 7 months ago

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Hi, just joined Tumblr earlier today as part of an unrelated thing, thought I'd check your page out on a friend's rec, and... wow. Just, wow. This is practically the nine-dimensional chess of media literacy. I would have so many question, but everything you discuss is promptly explained in such great detail that I can't even say that. One question remains, though: *how?* Where do you get the absurd amount information and brainpower required to connect the show's many, many dots at this high of a level? It's something I struggle with myself (though that may be due to there being over a year between watching V1-V8 and seriously starting to reflect on the show beyond "well, that was a fun sequence of events"—thank you, newish fanfic writing brain—but that's besides the point), and I was wondering if you had any tips for expanding one's thinking in this direction, as the show still means a *lot* to me—there's a reason, however unexplainable, that I stuck with it so long before the reflections started—and I'd love it if the deepest parts of my brain could reflect it as such.

...Unless that's too much to ask, in which case, whoops! Either way, thank you.

really fundamentally the most effective thing you can do to practice is make a deliberate effort to cultivate a sense of curiosity toward the text. and what i mean by that is, get in the habit of asking yourself questions as if you’re in a high school english lit class: what happened in this scene? why did this character say or do that? does this conversation remind you of anything that happened in an earlier scene, and if so, what’s similar? what’s different? what did you learn about the characters from this scene? what did you learn about the world they live in? why do you think this scene was important enough to be in the story? what changed in this scene (something will always have changed)?

it may feel a bit patronizing at first BUT over time if you’re consistent about it, doing this will train you to approach reading or watching as an active participant. analytical interpretation is a skill and like any skill it takes sustained effort and practice.

after that it’s sort of just pattern recognition. this is true of all stories but it’s especially true of theme-driven stories like rwby because they tend to be very deliberate about repeating and refracting their ideas and often develop rich symbolic vocabularies. so you identify a pattern and then examine the text until you can develop a compelling argument for what it means.

one thing to keep in mind if you’re generally familiar with fandom is that fandom encourages a lot of practices that are cool and fun in fannish contexts but will poison analysis because they are (by nature of being transformative) untethered from the text. headcanon, for example, is things held to be true irrespective of the text—one could have as a headcanon that ruby is allergic to bee stings or that qrow is her father or whatever and it doesn’t matter that there’s no textual evidence or that the text says otherwise because the text is not relevant—but analytically, you must be able to back every part of your argument with textual evidence. so it is useful to practice compartmentalizing to keep headcanon strictly separated from the text in your mind.

(that’s also a practice i recommend in general because being able to say “i like this idea and i have it in mind when i create fanworks, but it isn’t canonical” is healthy)

a good habit to get into is arguing against yourself and holding yourself to a high standard of proof. the reason my argumentation tends to be so thorough is that i try to be as skeptical of my own theories as i am of other people’s. if i have an idea that seems right but doesn’t withstand textual scrutiny, i discard it. (or i might toss it into the headcanon/au idea pile, if i’m very fond of it.) i will often develop more than one argument about a given subject and then lay them all against the text before i commit to one. being skeptical will push you to pay closer attention.

cultivate curiosity about your own emotional reactions, too. what did this scene make you feel? why? how do you feel about this or that character? what draws you to your favorite characters? what distances you from the characters you don’t like? what ideas come to mind when you think about the story and what it means to you? if you have a strong reaction to something—good or bad—try to trace that feeling to its root. what sparked it and why?

once you start digging into that you’ll find that your intuitive reactions to the story are non-arbitrary—you’re subconsciously picking up on certain patterns or themes that resonate with you. so paying attention to what the story makes you feel and asking how and why it incites those feelings will guide you to conscious discovery of things you’ve already noticed without noticing.

and another good point of entry is to look for recurring symbols / imagery—for example, silver-eyes get associated with death and reincarnation through a combination of harvest/reaper imagery (scythe, sickle, ‘the grimm reaper’) and butterflies (ruby’s first glare resembles wings, butterflies everywhere when she and maria discuss her eyes, butterflies symbolizing ascension in the ever after). adding this pattern together with the white light in the liminal void between realms (the threshold of life and death!), the implication that silver-eyes came from ozma (who dies and reincarnates cyclically), the stated purpose of the glare (to preserve and protect life), ruby hearing pyrrha’s final words in her dreams (which she didn’t hear in reality), and the glare having destroyed the hand cinder used to kill pyrrha, is how i got to “silver-eyes are psychopomps,” because both the symbolism and the narrative facts about the power line up in that direction.

the one thing to be careful with in relation to symbolism is not to treat it like a secret code! symbolic meaning isn’t universal so you should always consider symbolism in context with the narrative. the first question should always be “what idea does this image appear in connection to, when it appears?” i.e. the burning rose in rwby symbolizes mourning. think of symbols as more like trail markers that the narrative has placed to help you understand the story by connecting dots. we see the burning rose on summer’s grave and then we see it on ruby; she carries her mother’s absence with her. she gives the brooch away in the ever after right after the blacksmith shows her a glimpse of summer, and then in the storm her reflection is summer but ruby doesn’t look, doesn’t see: she’s avoiding her grief, trying to pretend it isn’t there. and then the brooch returns to her once she faces what the blacksmith wanted to show her about her mom: now it’s a symbol for acceptance of loss.

and with a story like rwby that uses allusion to develop its thematic narrative it’s really helpful to read the texts it alludes to! the core narrative allusions are the marvelous land of oz, maiden in tower fairytales (petrosinella, persinette, rapunzel), cinderella, and the little prince, plus alice’s adventures in wonderland & through the looking glass for the ever after. and then every major character has a specific character allusion. both kinds of allusion are symbolic/thematic (you can’t use allusions to predict specific plot events but they help tie together emotional arcs and character relationships cohesively, and the narrative allusions are pretty good weather vanes for very broad-strokes things like ozma’s symbolic blindness being ‘healed’ in the end).

rewatching the show a couple of times will also help, especially if you take notes. i’m not sure how many times i’ve rewatched v1-8 but it’s a lot and i’ve watched v9 in full twice, plus rewatching a lot of specific episodes or scenes for reference. rewatching will help you spot patterns that you missed before and increase your familiarity with the text in general, both of which help tremendously.

#the adhd helps. also

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centrally-unplanned · 10 months ago

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Something I struggle a bit with a sort of disconnect with the current leaders of "professional-quality anime discourse". We live in the sakuga era, where groups like Sakugabooru & Full Frontal Moe are doing really stellar work on peering behind the curtain at the realities of anime productions. They aim to give you the "animators look" at how it all happens, what people are thinking, what studio conditions are, the works. They command the heights from a respect standpoint in my opinion right now, and sort of "drive" analytical discourse.

But they aren't really what I find interesting. I love and need a ton of their work, but in the end the sakuga era is the animator's era; it centers anime-as-art, the people who create, their techniques, etc. That isn't actually my thing! I care about cultural history & casual history, "otaku studies", and consumers of media always outnumber producers of media a hundred to one. They of course exist symbiotically with each other, but the creators side is only ever going to be a part of that. And its not the load-bearing part of questions around why this or that media product succeeded, what it meant to audiences, how it reflects people's relationship with individual media & wider identity norms, etc.

And ironically I think the "peak" of this discourse in western spaces is coinciding with its decline in relevance in Japanese spaces. This is a whole other topic but in earlier eras the telos of technological progress, its intensity and directionality, created a parallel momentum in cultural identity - "new, better anime" seemed always around the corner and people responded to that via identity formation around the momentum. But now, even though technical improvements occur, from an audience perspective the telos is gone. Audiences would actually get a bit wrapped up in things like the digital revolution back then - now its more like trivia, it doesn't shape as much.

There is of course people out there who touch on the cultural & historical topics, I'm no island or anything. But its very diffuse, and other sections of the discourse space are struggling. Great YouTubers exist but imo overall this is not a great time for AniTube, the intensification & legibility of financial success has not inspired that kind of work. Obviously the blogosphere is bleeding heavily. Academic works have gems in there but media studies as a discipline is shackled with awful theoretical concepts and compositional norms, its like pulling teeth with their output every time. And also are generally interested in western fandoms as befitting western academics (and while I do use Japanese academic papers sometimes, the legibility barrier is...its tough).

Beyond just "feeling alone" its an issue because right now I am quite demotivated on this area; I feel in-between ideas, with any potential project seeming dim in its payoff. The default source of inspiration normally is the works of others! Every time I get politics-burned at some point someone else puts out a really good analysis, or even just a good question. Proposing good questions is underrated, its the fuel that powers research. Not to mention "shit keeps happening", you know? Fukuyama may hold an iron grip on the ruleset still but within his bounds the game keeps on playing, which results in flurries of activity that are inspiring. I really lack that for media discourse stuff right now. I can't remember the last time I read a work that I loved. Liked, yes, sure. But you don't get out of ruts with a like.

80% of this is explained by "I am going through a depression episode" lol don't worry I'm not an idiot. But hey, what is Tumblr for if not to rant...

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castlebyersafterdark · 6 months ago

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I’m curious to what your thoughts are on your experience as a male in the fandom?

(i am also a guy in the fandom and I feel like there’s no one here. insert that one [there are dozens of us] meme)

not that there’s anything wrong with that lol. I love the ladies! but when I first came on here I just assumed there would be more guys just cause of that direct connection/relatability to byler. obviously not straight guys, but queer guys. and yet… I was wrong lmao. and what I’ve learned since then is that fandom, especially tumblr, is heavily female-dominated. Which is so interesting cause ST is obviously a show for everyone and that’s not what I expected.

fun fact: I never specified my pronouns or gender in my account and now everyone assumes I’m also a girl, and it’s been so long that I think it’s prolly too late to clarify 😭

I’ve noticed that this lopsidedness affects both the sfw byler and the spicy byler side of things in subtle ways. not all of it is positive or negative. some of it is just… interesting.

what are your thoughts?

It hasn't really cropped up as anything too glaring, I've always been able to find a mixed bag of people online through different fandoms, but definitely it seems like demographics skew a certain way on this site. I've found over the years that even if that's the case, the big three (twitter, reddit, tumblr) are easy to just have a neutral identity if so desired, play with anonymity outside of a few people you decide to open up and chat one on one with. Even if true demographics do reflect certain numbers on sites, its not something I really feel bothered by?? I know just by true stats, more fanfic writers/readers tend to be women? I don't really know what that means, haven't thought about it too much. I've just always found comfort in escaping into media and am a big child of the internet.

I guess the one thing I find in the creative circles (not exclusive to stranger things) is maybe just different perspectives when people discuss or write a relationship or talk about sex or a type of experience that might not be theirs. Sometimes something jumps out that I just side eye and breeze past, but you really can't always tell. I just have a laugh (this is no shade!!! And there's a lot of talented writers but its like, oh boy, sometimes you encounter something and it's clear the sex scene was written by someone who knows very little practical applications about men but that's OK, its fanfic hahaha) BUT ALSO I've read published smut written by gay men too where I'm like... boy, what is this??? So I'll take odd choices in fandom writing with good characterizations of characters I already adore with maybe a few inaccuracies over the terribly written trash you sometimes suffer through off the shelf. I like to read!! That's the big thing that's always drawn me to fandom. An overactive imagination and fanfic really scratches that want for more. But truthfully, gender and identity of the blogger or writer isn't my first priority when I'm in fandom to be honest.

I guess maybe what you're getting at is something along the lines of looking for shared "community" in fandom spaces which is definitely nice but I've always just looked for connections about the media itself in nerd culture, since I get the social/community aspect in my personal life. I just like having a place to be a fan and be a little extra as hell 🤷 my friends/bf have similar interests, but not as excitable or analytical or creative about the media we all might watch so I don't really care who I encounter online as long as we click the same way. And we all have watched the show, but it's not like I spend tons of time talking about my extensive plot theories or ideas for smut fic with the irls. That's what the blogs are for haha. And I haven't noticed a big difference in stranger things compared to other fandoms I've been in (I'll say marvel for example). All the same for both problems and enjoyment, just with how huuuuge they are.

I'd love to hear what you mean by those lopsidedness observations you have about this fandom in general if you care to elaborate. No worries either way.

#noah voice 'girls... gays... all the same'#Jk 😘

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twistedtummies2 · 2 years ago

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if you run a kink/fetish blog you really shouldnt be putting stuff in the main tags. the main tags are not an 18+ space, theyre for minors and adults alike, and kink stuff doesnt belong there. i havent reported you yet because i want to give you a chance to reflect and change your behavior, but if i keep seeing you in the main/character tags, i will flag the posts and your blog as sensetive content. as someone who was affected by seeing a lot of fetish stuff at a young age bc of irresponsible fandoms, im very passionate about this topic. i dont care if you publish this or not.

I was never aware that the tags apparently are "age managed." Plenty of people do things of this nature without having to worry about stuff like this. I also was not (and am not) aware of what "main tags" are. So I sincerely do not know what you are referring to, specifically. And if you wish to call me out and claim I'm playing dumb...no, I'm not playing, I sincerely have no clue. I honestly have never seen any reason or known of any reason to monitor my tags, so I have not done so for that reason above all else. IF, from the way you're speaking, this is some sort of unspoken rule on Tumblr, or if I perhaps missed something way, way back when I joined the site, then I apologize and I am perfectly willing to "change my behavior," as you put it, because the last thing I want is to scar young innocent people for life, the way you claim happened to you. However, having said that, I would like to say two more things. One, there is no reason to threaten me with reporting like this. One other person came to me some time ago to tell me that, evidently, the "g/t" tag is one that is meant for all ages, so I shouldn't use it. I thanked them, apologized, and I no longer use that tag. They, in turn, thanked me, apologized in case they seemed rude, and then moved on with their life. Like I said, I am totally willing to change my practices if that is something that HAS to happen; I do not like breaking the rules. But your rudeness is not appreciated, by seemingly assuming that I am doing this maliciously. A simple "you shouldn't use these specific tags" would have been well and good, then I'd know to either change how I manage that matter, or stop wielding them altogether. Two, and most importantly...if this stuff offends you and bothers you so much, then you have no reason to look at my page. And I do not believe my little kink blog is some blight upon whatever taglines you're referring to; if by "main tags" you're referring to things like my more analytical pieces that have nothing to do with kinks, there's not much I can do there, especially since those AREN'T kink-based. As far as I can perceive, those are doing no harm. If by "main tags" you're referring to character names or whatever...I can search a character name and find tons upon tons of stuff that has nothing to do with kinks long before I run into anything related to my interests. I know, I've tried. My work and others doesn't really pop up too often, UNLESS I'm specifically looking for the kink in conjunction. Also, I should think that anyone reading it will realize it's not for them and turn away.

I appreciate your concern, and I understand it...but do not dictate things like this to me as if you run the website, or have the right to decide what people will or will not post. If you would care to discuss this in a civil and polite manner, please feel free to contact me via PM, so we can engage in such discourse. Until then, I will continue to tag things the way I always have, not because I am trying to hurt anyone, but because it simply the most obvious way I know how. If that bothers you so much, then tell me how to fix it, don't simply say "stop it or I'll report you" when I'm not even really sure what I'm doing wrong. There are many others like me. We are not animals. We are not monsters. And we are not out to hurt anyone. We just want to write our silly, kinky nonsense and keep to ourselves. Do not engage in witch hunts as if we are some hideous plague upon the universe. Most of us are just lonely geeks who want a place to express our darker side. Thank you.

#ask #answer #q&a #response #serious time

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softinkshadows · 4 years ago

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Shingeki no Kyojin Astrology: sun-moon-rising combinations

I was looking around tumblr for detailed astrology speculations of my fave anime characters, but there aren't that many! Being q well-versed in astro myself, i thought why not do my own version (very spoiler-free, don’t worry)! I followed the birth dates given by isayama:

Eren Jaeger - Aries sun, Scorpio moon, Cancer rising Aside from the fact that he can be hotheaded and impulsive, Eren's feelings of vengeance run deep and explosive. Remember that time he was chained to the bed after the attack on trost, and his eyes were wild with the need to violently eradicate all titans? He's so tenacious and emotionally stubborn too (a Scorp moon trait) to the point of being closed off from everyone else, especially towards the end where he seems to take the weight of the world's burden on his own shoulders. And all for the sake of protecting his community and ensuring the safety of his friends for the rest of their lives. His comrades and family are his motivation. This is his Cancer rising steering his life.

Mikasa Ackerman - Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Aries rising "Look that moody brat is running off on her own again." Mikasa is similar to Eren in her impulsiveness and determination, but different in two ways- what they aim to protect and their extent of fearlessness. Eren is aware of his own weaknesses and helplessness, but Mikasa's amazing physical prowess makes her act without any hesitation at all. She's hella fierce and driven to keep herself in shape too, doing all those sit-ups and chopping firewood post-injury. I think she deserves a double Aries! An Aries rising means a Libra descendant too, which is reflected her whole-hearted devotion in her close partnerships (Eren and Armin). Her aquarius moon really shines thru with her stoic independence, focus and perseverance.

Armin Arlet - Scorpio sun, Virgo moon, Pisces rising He's the brain of the 104th cadet corps, and is second to Erwin in terms of strategy! An intelligent planner with low self-esteem often found second guessing his own analytical abilities, Armin is a true blue Virgo moon. His emotional self stands out the most from the main three protagonists - Eren & Mikasa mostly express anger and desperation, whereas Armin is usually shrouded in fear and worry. He's a very soft bb, hence the Pisces rising, not to mention he gets so dreamy imagining the sea, the vast plains, and the magical world beyond the walled universe he knows. A spiritually-attuned and curious explorer :")

Levi Ackerman - Capricorn sun, Scorpio moon, Virgo rising Levi is such a complex person, thanks to Isayama's brilliance. Like many Cap suns, Levi is authoritative, cold and incredibly savage. That's not to say he doesn't feel anything either. Levi is an evolved Scorp moon (maybe even moon in 11th house) because his feelings are never for himself, but he hurts so much for others - you can tell every death hits him so hard, but he doesn't show this to anyone else. He also exudes this quietly intimidating aura of natural competence, a common characteristic of this sun-moon combo. He can take things personally as well (re: height issues) but it never snowballs into more than passing irritation. The turbulence of his emotions and habit for violence is balanced out by his earthy Virgo rising, which is emotionally subdued, quite thin and delicate in physique, and super neurotic and nitpicky when it comes to cleanliness and health. Cap, Virgo and Scorp are some of the most guarded signs, and a combi of all 3 are hellish. You can tell this poor beautiful man is always caught between feeling and thinking, between maintaining his humanity and forsaking it.

Erwin Smith - Libra sun, Capricorn moon, Leo rising In another life, Erwin Smith would be the damn CEO of a global conglomerate because he oozes so much charisma. Hell if charisma were energy Erwin Smith would be its prime, eternally renewable source. His stature alone is so commanding, and I find some strong Leonine traits in his thickset physique, strong eyebrows, beautiful hair, and that way he shouted in full glory atop wall Rose in that one episode to the cheering masses below. He might be a Libra sun, diplomatic in political affairs, but his Capricorn moon is what drives his decisions. Cap moon has a rep for being cold and unemotional, but i believe they are way more than that! Cap moons rarely boast about their long list of achievements, instead looking forward to the next goal. They struggle with emotional expression, and are super driven and disciplined. Erwin is capable of making the hardest decisions, putting aside emotions to strive for an abstract ideal, and this is to be expected of the commander who takes on the role of the devil.

Hange Zoe - Virgo sun, Sagittarius moon, Gemini rising All hail our favourite mad scientist!! Hange is such a breath of fresh air in the Survey Corps, balancing out the heaviness of missions with their wacky tales of titan research and experimentation. Their penchant for study and higher knowledge is typical of a Sagittarius moon, who is drawn to advanced academic study and spiritual truths. It's also a lighthearted and optimistic sign, true to Hange's upbeat personality. The Virgo in them contributes to their sheer intelligence and obsessiveness with research subjects. We also know they LOVE to talk, and once Eren asks Hange about experiments, they cannot stop (Gemini governs communication). Virgo, Sag and Gemini are the most intellectual signs, and because they are mutuable Hange tends to follow orders rather than give them, making it difficult to adapt to their new role towards the end of the series. Mutable signs also means rapidly-changing emotional states, and a whole lot of chaos, which suits our beloved squad leader.

Jean Kirstein - Aries sun, Virgo moon, Taurus rising Our third Aries on the list ohmygod. The snk universe is full of feisty hotheads. Jean is always seen clashing with Eren, fuelled by Eren's closeness with Mikasa and his own adorable jealousy. I mean, they had a full on fist fight right after dinner in the mess hall, although everything went downhill after the first few punches. Our first impression of Jean during his cadet days is coloured by his desire to work in the interior, and this favour for material safety and wealth is perhaps common to a Taurus rising. Also, Taurus is ruled by Venus, planet of beauty and harmony, and thus often figures in the charts of artists. If you've seen Jean's drawing skills in that special episode, you'll know that his artistic abilities are the finest we have seen, exceeding even that of isayama himself. Jean's strong principles such as being averse to killing people and oftentimes cynical nature, is also characteristic of the moral and cautious Virgo moon.

Sasha Braus - Leo sun, Gemini moon, Taurus rising Not all Leos are showmans. Sasha is the type of Leo who displays more of the quirky, unabrashed personality suited to her opposite sister sign Aquarius. Authority doesn't exist when food comes into play, as we see when she breaks potato with Shadis and later steals a slab of meat from the officer's warehouse. Unlike the visual artistry that Jean possesses with his Taurus rising, Sasha's Taurus centers around her love for food, and hell she can have fiery determination for it (rmb the wild night she mistook Jean's hand for meat?). I love that both of them were pitted with each other in that cooking special episode. I considered placing her as a Taurus moon, but Taurus moons are usually steadier and classier in emotion, whereas Sasha is often breezy, gets nervous and chaotic, with stellar intuition, making her likely a Gemini moon.

Connie Springer - Taurus sun, Cancer moon, Gemini rising Although not much attention is paid to Connie's growth, his character development reminds me a lot of Aang from ATLA. Cheery and happy-go-lucky at first, before the incident with his mother made him more prone to feelings of anger and vengeance, especially near the later chapters. His strong protective bond with his mother is what compels me to say he is a Cancer moon, which is a moon sign that is very homebody and drawn to family and traditions. His goofy self and him referring to Sasha as "his twin" puts him as the spunky Gemini rising, another sign he shares with her.

Reiner Braun - Leo sun, Pisces moon, Capricorn rising Aside from his natural leader personality (Leonine), Reiner likes to take on the persona of the big brother of the group. His outward stoicism, decisiveness and task-oriented nature is typical of a Cap rising, who is often serious and solemn in appearance. He reminds me of that Cap rising workaholic who does his best in a corporate organization, working 9 to 5 plus overtime as it fulfills his sense of purpose. Beyond his stoic facade reveals a more troubled personality. Like a Pisces moon, Reiner is impressionable, and it's difficult to tell if his emotions and personalities are his own, wavering and absorbing traits from those around him. His internal war with his identity and the ensuing fatigue characterises him during the second half of the series.

Annie Leonhart - Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Virgo rising Annie is the kind of Aries that is so motivated to achieve her goals that everything else is sidelined, including her own emotions. She's quite ruthless in chasing her objectives, and her composure, focus and endurance is highlighted with an Aquarius moon. I'm guessing she has a 4th house influence somewhere because of her motivations to go home to her father and lead a normal life. I find the daintiness and delicateness of her features similar to Levi, who is also a Virgo rising. The Virgo effect also registers as a brutal, unfiltered honesty (also seen in Levi), and Annie doesn't hesitate to speak the truth about her own or her opponent's capabilities.

Other characters which I won't go into much detail about:

Bertholdt Hoover - Capricorn sun, Virgo moon, Pisces rising Bertholdt is quiet with an unobtrusive personality. His lack of supposed iniative and aggression can perhaps be attributed to the mutuability of Virgo and Pisces, which goes with the flow instead of charging forward. He keeps his feelings to himself, but reacts when the people he wants to protect are threatened.

Historia Reiss - Capricorn sun, Libra moon, Cancer rising Historia initially lives for the sake of others (esp Ymir), and is more co-dependent than many of her other squadmates. She also tends to put up a front of pleasantness, afraid of disappointing or offending people. She has a strong tie to family, and a profound sense of duty.

Ymir - Aquarius sun, Pisces moon, Aries rising Ymir is extremely astute when it comes to evaluating human behaviour. The religiosity of her background is also usually found in this sun-moon combination, which tends to attract paths of strong spirituality. She also has a bold and noble sacrificial streak for the sake of her companions.

Zeke Jaeger - Leo sun, Capricorn moon, Scorpio rising A headstrong, intelligent and radical character. In a way similar to Erwin in his ruthlessness, but emotionally darker and much more sinisterly private.

Kenny Ackerman - Aquarius sun, Sagittarius moon

Rod Reiss - Virgo sun, Libra moon

Dot Pixis - Virgo sun, Sagittarius moon

Hannes - Capricorn sun, Taurus moon

#snk astrology #snk #aot astrology #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #anime astrology #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #armin arlet #levi ackerman #erwin smith #hange zoe #jean kirstein #sasha braus #connie springer #reiner braun #annie leonhart #bertholdt hoover #historia reiss

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pawmesan · 4 years ago

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Due to the interest in the ship having grown thanks to the Pandemic Special and it always having it's comfy little place in my heart (which I should express more through art maybe lolol), let me compile a few important Stanman/Cartan scenes, which might serve as an explanation for that specific scene in the special too. Since I've noticed quite a few people questioned Cartman's action being in character, to which I say: Yes, it was. And that not only due to his relation to Stan, but I will focus on that part only in my unneccesarily long post. :'D (Honestly I personally love long over-analytical tumblr posts for South Park ships though lmao.)

Season 2, Episode 7: "City on the Edge of Forever"

This one isn't really deep or anything lol. The point is just that Stan had a wacky dream that Cartman dreamed about wacky stuff and ice cream and that was kinda cute.

Season 6, Episode 4: "Fun with Veal"

Now this episode is the biggest and earliest example of Cartman ditching his personal believes for Stan's well-being. Cartman couldn't care less about saving the baby cows and getting the support from the hippies later on, as well as initially not getting any food during the strike, just pissed him off more. Talking with the negotiator really just was for his personal fun, but the thing is he was successful with Stan's initial plan and quit the negotiation process early because he noticed Stan's health worsening. When they get to the hospital at the end and learned that Stan could have died from his totally realistic illness, you clearly see Cartman worried, as shown in the picture above. It might seem out of character on the surface, but consider that Cartman did get his personal fun with the negotiation. Additionally, the season before with the buttface people, we learned that Cartman does care about some people, but when he genuinely does so, he won't openly admit it.

Season 8, Episode 14: "Woodland Critter Christmas"

On the assumption that Cartman's depiction of his friends in this very.. special fanfic of his reflects his views on them, it is notable how Stan is not only pretty much in character, but also depicted very positively and is the hero of the story. Also he gets a really nice Christmas celebration at the end of it and actual Stan, alongside nearly all classmates, are very hooked with the story.

Season 9, Episode 8: "Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow"

Whether he is mainly picking on Kyle or not, Cartman clearly seems to enjoy his lone-time with Stan. And given Stan's reaction to the boat and all, that appears pretty much mutual. Moreover, Cartman making extra sure that Stan won't tell Kyle is probably both jealousy over Stan's trust towards Kyle as well as Cartman of course just not wanting Kyle to know of all people. I don't think it's exaggerating to say that overall, Cartman would really like to get closer to Stan and have Stan trust him more. As untrustworthy as Cartman unfortunately is though lol.

Season 13, Episode 14: "Pee"

It's really only the little moment seen above where at their reunion, Cartman ignores the others and runs over to Stan to hug him (who seems pretty unphased by that). And I thought that was kinda cute lol.

Season 18, Episode 6: "Freemium isn't Free"

Kyle, Kenny and Cartman are all pretty pissed off at Jimmy upon finding out that he spread the Terrance and Phillip freemium game despite knowing how addictive it can be. However it's just notable how pissed off Cartman is and how he specifically mentions Stan. So aside from just thinking freemium games are lame, he's also particularly pissed that Jimmy took advantage of Stan's addictive personality.

Season 21, Episode 5: "Hummels & Heroin"

Another very beloved moment by the 3.5 Stanman shippers (me included) out there. Stan is worried about the drug dealing business at the retirement home - and previous episodes have shown clearly that he cares about his grandpa quite a lot - and asks his friends for help to deal with that issue. They all are very much against getting involved, including Cartman initially, but he does come up with an idea. And upon Stan stating that he needs him, he decides to help (dragging the others with them). Whether it's just Cartman's enjoyment of getting involved in wacky stuff, him enjoying to be needed in general or it being an extra sweet flavour for him because it's Stan asking, it's just nice to know that he reaches out to help after all. And yes, that's very much unlike the whale wars episode and I'd say that's because the former had the hippie involvement, yet no Stan in immediate visible danger like in the veal episode.

With all of that summed up - and I probably left out several smaller moments -, the reason I wrote all this is literally just because I like this ship, know not many do so, but quite a few people have picked up interest due to the Pandemic Special and probably just as many (I'm assuming people not as overly invested in the show as I am LOL) saw Cartman's reaction as really out of character. Although I would argue that Kyle comforting Stan right there would have been much more out of character, but that's another topic entirely and I don't wanna ruin anyone's fun on shipping Style.

But yeah. Thing is, Cartman has shown empathy for people before. Cartman has specifically shown empathy for Stan before. He won't speak it out loud when he genuinely cares about someone, so he didn't here either. Kyle of course is baffled by Cartman's reaction, given their relationship. And lastly Cartman deep down would like normality back just like Stan, so he can rip on Kyle and have fun going out like usual and all. But it's Eric Cartman, of course he'll deny that.

Stupid funfact on the side: In S20 I think, when they're regretting having destroyed Cartman's devices, Stan looks at Snapchat pictures of Cartman's butt lol and I think that's just beautiful.

Dude have I really written a whole essay about why I like shipping these paper eggs lmao

#south park #stanman #sp stanman #south park pandemic special #pandemic special #stan marsh #eric cartman

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ouyangzizhensdad · 4 years ago

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Please please do write the post about wwx not being dumb/oblivious. Those posts were just funny at first but somehow it's now become accepted fact. Meanwhile whether cql or mdzs wwx is a very competent, savvy protagonist who's actually pretty observant! It's getting pretty tiring to see him reduced to genki oblivous magical girl (not that I don't like those, it's just wwx is not one).

Hey anon!

I do plan on writing a more elaborate meta post exploring what arguments there are in the novel to support my wwx is not dumb/oblivious agenda.

But for now I just want to address one factor I think plays a big part in shaping the fandom’s perception of wwx as oblivious/dumb, regardless of how wwx was actually written in the novel. That is, the creative liberties taken by (or forced onto) the cql production team, which have had in my opinion two consequences: 1) cql does not manage to establish how quick-witted and savvy wwx is, which is compounded by the fact that it chose to play the troublemaker persona straight 2) the fact that wwx and lwj’s relationship is entirely subtext actually ends up making wwx look oblivious (at least to people applying a queer reading/bl-danmei reading to their interactions--people who are obvious to or choose to ignore the subtext certainly wouldn’t come to the same conclusions).

So, the first issue. In the novel, wwx’s intelligence is more of a focal point in the narrative because it is a crucial part of the dramatic irony/tragedy of his death: as a result it cannot help being more important to the themes of the novel. After all, he is ultimately hunted down because of and killed by his inventions. The man created an entirely new field of cultivation! In cql, this is somewhat lost due to the fact that he does not invent modao nor does he create the yin hufu, and his death is more of a suicide than a sacrifice (i am still not over the fact that he throws the yin hufu at the crowd to let them wage war over it? that’s the complete thematic opposite of his death in the novel...).

The novel, as well, is better at establishing that wwx’s antics are generally not because he’s just being a troublemaker, but that they are a way in which he garners information, gets people to act the way he needs them to or misdirect them. For instance, in cql, when lwj destroys wwx’s (well, nhs’s) spring book in the library, wwx looks genuinely pained and affronted--in the novel, it is clearly shown that, when wwx realized lwj intended to bring the spring book to lqr, he intentionally made him angry so that he would destroy the evidence himself. the point of the prank was also to not only get a reaction out of lwj, but also (reading btw the lines) wwx’s way of trying to leave a lasting impression on lwj now that his punishment was over. Differently put, while wwx can do directionless pranks, more often than not, they have an underlying meaning/goal instead of just being for Attention(TM) in general. In contrast, the web series is full of missed opportunities in terms of characterisation, and is so from the very beginning (I find extremely disappointing how they decided to adapt the mo mansion and dafan mountain arcs because of how important they are to establishing wwx’s character for the readers/viewers. Through these arcs, we get acquainted with the way he thinks and deduces information, and how he uses people’s perceptions of him and others to his advantage. If you can only read English, @pumpkinpaix‘s translation of the first few chapters might help get a better sense of the nuances).

I’m not saying that wwx is portrayed as dumb in cql: but that his characterization is a lot more fuzzy and inconsistent, and that his intelligence is utilized mostly when wwx goes into his detective mode. As a result, I do feel like it undermines how analytical wwx is in all aspects of his life, making it easy to see him as, you know, someone who’s, like, half-smart, half-super-dumb.

As for issue #2, part of it boils down to the fact that most of the obstacles to wangxian’s relationship had to be erased due to censorship. There no longer is homophobia/internalized homophobia to motivate moments of denial or internal conflict; there is no longer the phoenix mountain kiss to explain lwj’s reluctance to respond to wwx’s flirting after his rebirth (as I explored in one of my other meta post); there is no longer lwj’s failed confession and lwj’s mistaken belief that wwx knows of his feelings, etc. These vectors of tension help contextualise and explain why it takes so long for wwx to realize lwj’s feelings towards him (but let’s not forget that he does: after jinlintai, he starts to realize that lwj treats him especially well, which becomes a certainty after the second siege). the cql production team had no choice but to take these elements away.

that being said, by adding new or by changing moments to support the subtext and to please (bl-danmei) fans, the show actually takes away even more vectors of tension/misunderstanding between wwx and lwj, and makes wwx’s crush seem even more obvious and straight-forward. Take for instance the mo mansion arc. In the novel, wwx sees the Lan disciples’ white robes and has this moment of reflection that he recognizes the robes, and sees danger in the fact that the Lan sect is involved, thinking he should leave but knowing he can’t until he resolves the curse. in cql, we get a slow-pan flash-back of wwx’s first encounter with lwj, leaving him clearly emotional. The novel sets up the association as: white robes -> Lan Sect (subtext, Lan Zhan) -> orthodox/sticklers to rules/people i’ve met in my previous life who disapproved of modao -> danger! In cql, we have instead: whites robes -> Lan Zhan -> emotional reaction/I miss him. That fact is further driven home when wwx starts playing wuji on a blade of grass, ending with a soulfully whispered “lan zhan”. In terms of subtext, it sure lays it on thick: wwx does look like he has a big crush on lwj! But that destroys a big source of tension between them at the beginning: when wwx is summoned into mxy’s body, he thinks lwj hates him and disapproves of his methods and wants to bring him to gusu to punish him. That’s why he wants to run away at first, why he doesn’t disclose his identity to him and why it takes him a moment to understand lwj’s intentions. cql does not do a great job of setting that up. And the changes they make to the events of wwx’s first life, including changes to the timeline through which we are introduced to what happened in the past, makes it even more difficult to see how wwx could have misunderstood lwj’s intentions or his own feelings (again, in a queer or danmei-bl reading of the subtext). They go on a mission together! Spend a lot of time working together toward a similar goal!Lwj calls him his zhiji (”soulmate” as is often translated)! Lwj literally tries to save him from dying! The last thing wwx would remember when he wakes up in mxy’s body would be lwj holding onto his hand and screaming his name when he let go! Again, it does great for the subtext--but it makes it really difficult to understand why wwx would misunderstand lwj’s intentions and feelings, and it makes his own feelings toward lwj seem quite obvious.

Overall, the changes in the themes, genre, events, narrative timeline, characterisation and much more in adapting mdzs into cql have been an important influence explaining why the fandom has this vision of wwx as dumb/oblivious. It reminds me of the way some people on tumblr like to talk about Mr. Darcy as “shy” and “awkward” based on the movie pride and prejudice 2005, which totally misses the point of Mr Darcy and his character as portrayed by Jane Austen--but, if people have only or mainly engaged with this specific adaptation, it is not necessarily surprising that they hold this frankly misguided interpretation due to the choices made by the film production team.

In contrast, in the novel, we are shown a lot to help us understand why wwx comes to the wrong conclusions or might not understand his own feelings and reactions. But that’s for all for another post!

#Anonymous #mdzs meta #or mdzs rant? it's not very coherent for meta #my agenda: wwx is not dumb #cql #excuse my english i don't feel like editing this post yet #okay some minor edits done to make it more readable but more edits might follow

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takethetrain · 3 years ago

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I saw your post about what characters you would rewrite and was curious how you would rewrite Thomas?

(Anna for me is a lot more obvious since I really loved her before the series came out and then she turned out to be so toxic)

(I'm asking this out of curiosity, not because I think it's the wrong answer or anything)

Omg yeah, thank u for asking so nicely! Basically there’s a couple of things. And this is going to get very very long so bear with me.

First, Thomas was my favorite favorite favorite in chog and then I was disappointed by how he was written in choi. Not so much the Alastair stuff actually, I’m not gonna be like “oh that was just bad writing and precious Thomas would never treat Alastair like that!!” because I think that’s just an easy way out of admitting ur fave can be problematic. The problem I actually had, writing-wise, was inconsistencies with his character from his own perspective. His POV in the Paris chapter is incredibly thoughtful, mature, introspective and considerate — all things we’ve been told, repeatedly, that Thomas is. This is actually how I came to the conclusion, which I think we’ve discussed before, that Thomas did not know he had feelings for Alastair when they were in Paris together. He knew he was experiencing some complex feelings, but his interior monologue is so consistently honest and thoroughly analytical that it seems like a massive oversight that we were not told, explicitly, that he is aware of his feelings in Paris and in chog in general. We learn in choi that he’s been aware of them (as exactly what they are!! “You were always my secret”!!) since the Academy, and actually had admitted it to himself already if he was actively keeping it from his friends (which he says he was!) and that just totally blindsided me because it was not set up at all?? Nowhere in chog does he acknowledge explicitly that he’s aware of his attraction to men or to Alastair?? And I know it’s heavily implied, like heavily, but I think it speaks for itself that the whole Thomas-confessing-to-Alastair thing reads as kind of a “gotcha!” moment, intentionally written as surprising. I know a lot of people tumblr were like “omg he’s known all along and we were reading him as oblivious, Thomas you really pulled one over on us!” This may seem like a small bone to pick but it’s just not awesome writing and it makes me sad because it feels like he’s just been kind of sidelined in the writing process.

Similarly, I hate the line in the sanctuary scene that’s like, “Unfortunately, he reminded himself, he didn’t much like Alastair.” because first of all, what??? If he’s considered Alastair his “secret” for years, there is absolutely no way he would boil down his feelings, even his pretend feelings, to something as simple as that. A thorough characterization of him at this point would present how conflicted he actually is, internally — furious and sad but still experiencing doubt about the validity of disliking Alastair. The whole “hate me on your own behalf” followed by Thomas’s “No” is another “gotcha” moment that should not be a gotcha moment, we’ve been in his head the whole scene and if he was thinking about Paris and how much he likes certain aspects of Alastair we should’ve been hearing about that the whole book, whenever we were in his POV. Dozens of fanfics do an incredible job exploring what his internal state would be like post-chog, and meanwhile the closest we get to any kind of nuanced internal conflict in canon is when he’s patrolling and reflecting on being drawn to "sorrowful eyes and a vicious tongue” which is one of the few crumbs of chog-level introspective Thomas I cling to in choi.

Anyway, in trying to make the sanctuary scene land in a surprising way, CC conceals all these things about what’s going on in Thomas’s head, and that results in his POV coming across as inconsistent, less intelligent, and immature — because it just removes depth and simplifies incredibly complex feelings into “I like his hair but I don’t like him lol whoops”. That was my dominant impression. And from a writing perspective she doesn’t actually have an excuse to do this, because we then learn that Thomas is fully aware of all of these feelings.

Oohhhhhkayyyy, so that was way longer than I meant it to be, but guess what? I have more! Yay!

This is less critical and more positively-minded, I think, but I just relate to Thomas a lot so would enjoy writing him and really drawing out specific aspects of his personality and trauma! Honestly one of the main reasons I started writing sfts was because I was really interested in giving Thomas a more thorough exploration.

Beyond the queerness, which I actually think is already explored in a couple of really compelling (if under-developed) ways, I also grew up really sick, very burdensome to my loved ones both financially and emotionally, and have similar feelings of aversion to burdening people/taking up space that I would really like to bring through more clearly if I got to write him. Also this is like a pipe dream thing to say, but I think there was so much potential to make Thomas chronically ill and, as a chronically ill person, I lowkey wish that had happened as much as I don’t want him to suffer — in general, there should be more disability in TSC not only for rep purposes but because there’s so much character and story potential in a society that so aggressively values physical fitness. Give me a Thomas who still struggles with his health while also identifying as a warrior, show me how he learns to allow others to see his low moments after hiding them to avoid burdening anyone for so long. He and Jesse both had to deal with being sick Shadowhunters for half a second, but both of them are ostensibly fine now. (Remains to be seen with Jesse, but I would guess he hasn’t carried his illness into resurrection). This isn’t so much a critique as it is a wish I’ll never see fulfilled, but this is all just a long-winded way of saying I have a lot of ideas for how I’d rewrite Thomas :)) and thank u for listening to them

#ah this might be my longest post ever pls forgive me #thomas lightwood

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moon-goddess-posts · 4 years ago

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Hello everyone! This is my first fanfiction and I decided to write kaeya first because I just love him sm 😭😭😭😭 anyway hope you guys enjoy! Zhongli is up next. I'm also new to Tumblr so idk how this works LMFAO

Kaeya x Gn reader

Fluff, kaeya is weird but its ok cause he warms up to you, didn't proof read this cause it was 1am

You were walking around the streets of mondstadt, you always loved the night and decided to come out for some fresh air. Lost in thought, you were reflecting on your first moments here and how the handsome calvary captain gave you a tour of the city. You were an adventurer from Fontaine seeking to do research on all the 7 regions. Mondstadt was the first region on your list. You've heard most of it from stories on barbatos and how he saved mondstadt, but you'd love to meet the people and all the certain flowers that were around. You finally arrived at the front gate and the guards gave you a warm welcome. The city air was fresh and everything had a carefree warm feel to it. "This truly is the city of freedom" you thought to yourself and smiled. Having everything written down on your notebook, you decided to try out the foods that were common here. "What can I get for you today?" The women spoke as you came up to the counter. You took out your notebook and chose a dish. "I'll take one chicken mushroom skewer please, ah would I also ask for your name if you don't mind?" You gave a friendly smile. "My name is Sara, worker at Good Hunter! Your food will be right up. I see you arent around here." "Nice to meet you Sara, im actually traveling the 7 regions for my art pieces and mondstadt just happened to be my first one. I would love to know some tourist attractions around here, would you happen to know a guide?" It was nice to see a conversation going well especially since you were never really the best at conversations. But you wanted to hurry up because your social battery was draining fast. "Id love to be your guide" and unfamiliar voice came to the right and you shot your head to that direction. His appearance was definitely different from the rest of the citizens but looked really attractive either way. He was leaning against the booth almost giving off an intimidating nature underneath the layers of charming. "Really? That would be great, thank you so much! And uhm your name is...?" Depsite the oddness you got from him, you did your best to continue the conversation as normally as possible. "Kaeya, Knights of Favionus, happy to be your guide dear" his sudden pet name made you flitch but you pushed it off "So where are we going first dear calvary captain" you gave him a teasing remark as you smirked. He chuckled "well obviously I wouldn't be a good tour guide if I didn't show you the Barbatos statute first." "Ah of course haha" you gave him a nervous chuckle. "Is there any other reason you decided to come here other than to just "explore"" You thought he ease dropped on your conversation, and even so he still didn't find you that trust worthy. "Well I'm a pretty well known artist where I'm from, but besides just coming here to make art I also decided to write a few poems for each region. If you'd want I can show you my works" you smiled happily and his cold attitude started to fade just a bit. "You can show me once we get to the next place, feel free to draw me then too ♡" it wasn't the best first impression but at least he didn't feel as hostile anymore. You and Kaeya finally made it to the statue and it was more beautiful in person than your thoughts could ever imagine. Ideas started to flow through your brain on how to paint it. "Wow its so...." you were at a lost for words. "Breathtaking isn't it?" Kaeya finished your sentence and you flahsed him a small smile and nod. "Yeah it is, ill be sure to mark it down as the first place to paint. Maybe if you'd like, you can give it to the Acting Grandmaster as a token of my thanks for having me here" "Such a kind hearted soul arent you? I'll be sure to inform her." Kaeya patted your head and walked off, assuming he was leading you to the second destination, you started to follow him. "You should stop by the tavern Cats Tail sometime tonight, I can tell you more about this place and if you'd like, more about me," You saw this as an opportunity for more research on the area, and maybe get to know Kaeya a bit more, he truly was an interesting person, so you

accepted. "I'll be sure to make it around 18:00 or 19:00!" The next destination included a beautiful tree, lake, and another small statue of barbatos. You thought it was truly magnificent, especially how the sun hit the leaves all so perfectly giving it a warm glow. "This place is Windrise. Its often associated with love and is one of the most well know spot for dates." He winked at you and you looked away, not really sure what to do. "Is that so? I can see why. Its very beautiful." You did your best not to stutter from how flirty he was being. "This statue here is for offerings. You find anemoculous and you offer them to the statues. In return, you get a gift from the God." "Oh! We have on of those where I'm from as well, but its a different person." You weren't really sure why you wouldn't tell him where you were from, maybe it was because he was super analytical, or the whole predator with its prey vibe he got going on. "There are 7 types of statues that represent the 7 archons, would it be ok if you'd tell me where you're from? I'm just so interested in you." He gave a flirty smirk and you couldn't help but blush a little bit. "Uhm I'm from Fontaine, if you couldn't tell by the clothes. Its quite similar to Mondstadt, but I find it here to be more peaceful and calming than there." "Fontaine huh? I've heard people live the luxury over there. Very formal." He laughed a bit, part of him was right but it wasn't all that good as he was making it sound. "Hmm I guess you could say that, my parents were pretty well off but I can't say much about the rest." Your gaze drifted off to the forming sunset and you wondered if you should head back soon. "Ill head back, ill tell you more about the attractions tomorrow. Don't forget our date tonight deary..." He waved goodbye and walked off. "Deary.." you said to yourself, he flattered you very much but all of it seemed off in a way. You didn't think to much about it and decided to head back too. Your memories of your first interaction with Kaeya was over once you heard someone call your name. A familiar voice that was. "Y/n!" Kaeya called out. Automatically knowing who it was, you turned around to be greeted by a fine tall man dressed in blue tones "Hi Kaeya!" "I dont think its a good idea for a pretty lady like you to be walking out so late at night." He sounded amused but you were over it. "Oh cut it out captain, I know you were just swooning some girls a couple minutes ago." "Haha so what, you jealous?" "Dont flatter yourself, why would I be jealous anyway? Feelings like those are just a waste of time" you hated to admit that you were just a tiny bit jealous. You weren't sure how your crush on the calvary captain formed but it did and it didn't seem to be going away any time soon. Part of you thought maybe he already knew and he was just toying with you. Or maybe he was oblivious to it, thinking no one could love such a person like him. Either way, you still kept these feelings inside. "There's no shame in bearing emotion, love, its just our nature. And for a while I think you've been feeling pretty intense emotions about a certain someone..." His hand tilted your chin so you could face up to him. Shoot did he know? How was that possible? Was I that obvious? You thought to yourself, you weren't sure how you were going to get out of this situation. "I...I-its nothing that concerns of you" you broke eye contact but you knew kaeya wasn't letting up. "A lie to a lier is no stranger, but if you wish to keep your secrets then who am I to cross such a boundary." He back off from you and you started to breathe again. You wanted to tell him so bad. How much you loved and cared for him, how much you so desperately wanted to be there for him no matter what situation. You were willing to take risks for him if it meant that one day you would forever be together. But maybe you thought the image you had of him was wrong. You knew well enough his flirty nature was never sincere, and how he was hiding something much darker then you ever wanted to imagine. Even so, you still wanted your

thoughts of him to become right. So before he walked off again you mustered up the courage. "Kaeya wait! I, I do actually want to tell you something." He looked surprised now but intrigued. "Ever since we met, there was always something different about you. It always left me wanting to know more and over the years I did learn more about you. But then I started feeling these weird emotions and having thse weird thoughts like thinking maybe one day we could be together...or knowing the real you even. I know you say less than you lead on but I felt like I'd be willing to take extreme risks to know who you actually are. I feel so safe around you and I always smile at those good memories we have. I dont know if this is called love, I dont know fully what love is but you're special enough for me to be having these feelings." Thats it, you let everything out. Awaiting for rejection, you began to panic when the silence held for what seemed like an eternity, until you heard him walking toward you. He held your chin again and gave you a look you've never seen before. A mix of admiration, and happiness. He swiped his thumb over your bottom lip and you tensed up. "Kaeya...." Before you could say anything else, he pulled you into a kiss. A new feeling started to arise and your whole body began to feel hot. Euphoria was coursing through your veins and you felt like you were going to fall without Kaeyas support. He was so warm, so intoxicating. You couldn't even feel where you were or he was, it all just became a bundle of sensations and happiness. You couldn't tell how long you both had kissed for but you were the first one to pull away as your breath began to shorten. "As much as a flirt as I am, I dont do well communicating my actual emotions. So id prefer to show them through my actions. I cant say it right now, but I hope that helped you realize what my answer is." He pulled you into a hug and you buried his face into his fur jacket. Already knowing his answer, you breathed a sigh of relief

#genshin impact kaeya #kaeya x reader #kaeya fluff #i love kaeya #kaeya x gn reader #kaeya genshin impact #kaey

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alch3mic · 4 years ago

Text

in between. (drabble series)

chapter four (stitches.)

captain!sans x gender neutral reader. 3k+ word count.

please be advised for themes of anxiety, ideas of loss, depression, and self esteem.

* finally at the fourth chapter with our dear fellswap sans, captain! he also has no official fic yet but has his own tag here on my tumblr if you’d like to know more about him! thank you and i hope you enjoy!

A project.

That's all this was meant to be.

Something to keep him preoccupied in his free time, now that he seemed to have more time on his hands than he knew what to do with.

Somewhere to put his focus, instead of thinking about things.

Instead of stressing about things.

Instead of.. worrying about.. 'things'.

Like this.. 'thing'.. attached to him.

...

"ya can't just keep pacin' around bro."

Sure he could.

He could pace around as much as he wanted. It was his boat dammit, and he'd walk around it as he pleased, from the bow to the stern, topside and back.

"Shouldn't you be resting?"

No.

How could he? There was work to be done.

All his life he had filled himself with his work. It was all he knew.

Work.

Work

Work.

Work

From his time as a child, working to take care of his younger brother to ensure he was brought up properly to his time in the royal guard working hard every day to support them and make sure they both survived that horrid Underground. Even on the surface he worked and worked and worked, to regain his position as a monster worthy of fear and respect after the humans had stripped them of everything and leaving them to rot like strays on the street.

Every minute of every day he worked.

Most days he even dreamed of it.

Which is exactly why it was so difficult to sit still, even at your request.

"You really should just take it easy, Sans. Didn't Undyne say to not stress yourself out?"

She did, but it didn't matter.

He was in a constant state of being stressed.

Stressed was how he operated.

Stressed was all he knew.

His body could never give him the pleasure of just 'taking it easy', constantly buzzing, constantly wanting to be in motion. At times he envied his brother for being able to let things go and just kick back, but... that was exactly why he worked so hard wasn't it?

So that his brother could relax without a worry in that thick skull of his..?

Of course.. he knew Papyrus went through his own troubles.. it's just...

Gah.

This free time was now filling his head with unnecessary thoughts, even as he tried his best to busy himself by patrolling his own boat.

..Which was only adding to his stress...

"Lets try a hobby. What do you normally do for fun?"

Think of you.

Well..

He didn't have to now that you were here with him.

He could just spend time with you instead of daydreaming about it.

And he did.

You humored him by relaxing together topside with him and Papyrus, enjoying the salty breezes of the ocean and the warm summer rays. The two of you would chat in his bed for hours, laughing and telling stories of the past as you laid close. You'd help him, by offering an arm when he wore himself out or when he needed help doing something that required two hands. Everything from opening jars to preparing dinner or even tying his shoes.

It was..

Ah, dammit it was so humiliating.

..And also made him strangely happy?

He was.. happily humiliated?

..Humbled?

..Stars.

He never had anyone taken care of him before, so his pride was taking a major blow every time you offered to help. A part of him was glad you'd always ask first so he'd at least get to attempt at doing it by himself but.. it was also humiliating to give in. He was too stubborn for his own good, never having anyone extend a hand for him neither below ground or on the Surface.

Still you never seemed bothered.

You never batted an eye when he'd turn to you. Sometimes all it took was a look from him and you just knew, without having any words be spoke. Having that kind of connection was..

Incredible.

It had been something the both of you had obviously over the years, but only now it was showing itself in the mundane parts of your lives now that you were with him. Normally it had been when you locked eyes in a fight in the streets of Ebott, and he could see the whole encounter play out in his mind. How you'd swing, how he'd shoot. How you both would nearly hit each other both on purpose and on accident.

Like a dance with death only the two of you could perform.

And how beautifully you danced for him..

Now.. having that connection manifest positively, in quiet agreements and silent conversations that took only seconds to have, really drove home the fact that times have changed.

That he was no longer the skeleton he was before.

He had you now, which was different.

You were his.

And he was yours.

Though.. in truth you always had a part of soul with you even if you never realized it.

And he always had Papyrus by his side.

That could never change.

But now.. he also had..

That.

The 'thing'.

An arm.

That.. didn't belong to him.

It was attached, sure, but..

It was foreign.

Heavy.

A burden.

It was consequences of his actions taken form of something that use to be, but no longer was. Like a cruel symbol of mockery, forever attached to his own broken body. There was nothing but the tickling of a sensation of pain, like a phantom dancing across his bones, from a limb that was no longer there. The magic in his scapula hummed louder than the rest of his body, always catching his attention as it had been enhanced to support the weight of his new arm. It was irritating and constant, like a buzz he couldn't be rid of no matter how loud his thoughts were or tried to be.

Always there.

Always ringing in his skull.

It was driving him crazy, adding to the mounting stress.

"FOR FUN? EASY. TRAP MAKING. ANALYTICS. READING THE STOCKS AND NEWS."

"Well that's depressing."

"STAYING INFORMED IS IMPORTANT, DARLING."

"And so is your mental health, Sans. Ignoring this won't make it go away you know."

The metallic hand closed on a reflex when he felt your gaze upon it.

He didn't like it, despite how incredible Undyne's work was. She had studied him for weeks while he recovered in her intensive care, all so she could make an exact replica of his now missing arm. It looked just like the real thing only casted in asatollite, a type of metal found in the Underground that could conduct magic. No wires. No heavy plating. Just an arm, moved by his own magic.

An impressive feat really, but he felt no pride in this.

..Only shame.

As someone who had lived their life known for cutting it close time and time again, this was now all the proof someone needed that they could actually lay their hands on him. There was a chance that someone could hit and do some serious damage.

For some, that would be enough to push their determination over the edge.

The proof that he couldn't dodge forever.

And here it was, glinting under the soft afternoon sunlight that filtered into his quarters.

This... was his decline wasn't it?

..He could feel it in his bones.

Here marked the end of his reign of terror as Captain, the scarred skeleton who ruled the docks of Ebott City with an iron fist. Now that once unrelenting grip which strangled the life of rats out of the marine failed to even grasp a pen properly.

It stung in such a strange way that he almost didn't know how to describe it.

It was a unsightly fall from grace, paired with happiness and misery.

He was muddled with complicated feelings that really didn't have proper words, and so instead of spending his days thinking about it while lying in bed, he paced around his ship.

"Is there anything you've ever wanted to learn?"

He only learned what was necessary.

Languages to properly communicate with associates, skills like learning to shoot with a gun so that he could avoid having his magic traced back to him, and cooking so he could make sustainable meals when he and Papyrus had nothing..

They weren't things he did for fun, they were necessary.

What else could he learn that was necessary?

"HOW ABOUT TEACHING ME TO CUT A BULLET LIKE YOU DID BACK IN THE 'SISCO EXCHANGE."

"I'm not teaching you that."

"AND WHY'S THAT?"

"I don't need to make you any more dangerous than you already are you bonehead. I meant something fun! Like.. maybe a sport?"

"I THROW DARTS. I ALSO SHOOT."

"I.. Okay I guess that counts," you said, glancing to the wall of his quarters where the board was set up.

It's true it was a dart board hanging on the wall, but it was littered with photos of thugs and politicians, a dart neatly nailed through their head. It honestly looked like more of an omen of things to come rather than a hobby.

"Anything else?"

...

"I PLAYED THE VIOLIN FOR A SHORT WHILE."

"You did?"

"YES. BACK IN THE UNDERGROUND. I FOUND ONE IN THE DUMP AND TAUGHT MYSELF TO PLAY WHEN I DISCOVERED PAPYRUS LIKED THE WAY IT SOUNDED. IT WOULD HELP PUT HIM TO SLEEP ON SOME OF THE ROUGHER NIGHTS."

"Aww. Maybe you could think about picking it back up. I'd love to hear you play!"

He would, eventually.

For right now.. the task seemed so daunting now that he had..

...That.

"..But maybe not yet."

Another silent conversation, passed by only the glint in his eyesocket. Once again he was glad he didn't have to openly admit he might struggle with learning something like that again but.. a small pass of shame also washed over him. He'd love to play for you, to maybe even create his own music to reflect the feelings you gave him in his soul, but to move this metallic.. 'thing'.. to play would be..

He'd become frustrated, just like with everything else.

"AND WHAT DO YOU DO TO RELAX MY DEAR?"

"Me? I usually sew or knit."

Right. Costumes. That’s why you asked to have your own space in that free room on the ship. You had mentioned it once before, how you use to do costuming back in the day for plays and helped your father who worked as a tailor until...

Hm.

"YOU SELL YOUR PIECES DON'T YOU?"

"Just to a few people. I make dresses for Mr. Rose's granddaughter and Rumpelstiltskin still orders some pieces for his wife. I also send some more elaborate stuff the Prince's way every once in awhile and I even still get requests from Mama Bear even after they disappeared off into the forest. I think they might finally have a Baby Bear on the way because they asked about knitting a little blanket a few days ago."

...

He.. tried to not humor the thought of just sailing away from this city with you, like that lucky bastard did with his spouse when he took off into the woods. Of course he couldn't, he knew Papyrus would stay here with Happy and he'd never want to be far from his brother.

Still...

It was a tempting idea.

"I could always teach you. It's a pretty good skill to just learn how to hand stitch to mend clothing and it really isn't too complicated."

He relented ...of course.

Because he always did to you, with that smile on your face and the hum in your tone.

.....

Learning from you had been everything he hoped for, with you sitting close to him as you taught him how to thread a needle. You were patient with him as he struggled, his hand shaking as he did his best to will his magic to move. You were gentle as you taught him to stitch carefully and slowly, following along side as you guided him every step of the way.

...He'll never forget the way you laughed at his first pass though.

He had been so damn.. angry!

Really, you had the nerve to laugh even when he did his best!

You were the worst, which is why exactly he had to pin you down and tickle you until you couldn't breathe. At least he could use that wretched metal arm to press your hands above your head as you desperately tried to wrestle out of his hold until you were flushed and gasping for breath.

His next attempt was alone late at night, when even the stars on the deck above couldn't quell his thoughts. They ran wild in his head, stampeding and thrashing about.

At his failures.

At his mistakes.

At the humming in his shoulder and the arm that ached despite not being there. So he tried to not think about it as he quietly threaded the needle under the dim yellow lights in his quarters. The quiet creak and groan of the boat was his only accompaniment along your soft breathing from the bed as you peacefully slumbered away.

In and out.

He timed his stitches with your breaths, pushing the needle through the felt and then back again as he sewed the two pieces of scrap fabric together. It was strange how difficult this was, willing his fingers to move while simply pushing and pulling a needle. His jaw would tense as his hand shook at times and failed to grasp the needle, and then he'd hear you let out a sigh and he'd relax again.

In and out.

Until the stitch was done.

Until he hushed the wild thoughts in his head and put his stress to bed.

Until he could no longer deny himself your company and he'd fall back to your side, finally delving into the depths of sleep.

He spent many days and nights like this, a fire ignited in his soul to hear your praise the first time.

"Seems like your stitched are getting tighter. Nice work there, Cap."

That was all he needed.

Your words. Your smile. The exigent that reflected in your beautiful eyes. You were proud of him, and it made him work all the harder as he sat with you in the room you had taken for your sewing. This place had been your sanctuary, something he once avoided entering to at least give you a little room for yourself on the ship, but now he found reassurance in it as well.

The whir of your sewing machine had become a comfort, able to drown out the buzz in his head as he worked beside you. Soft colorful fabrics lined the shelves in the wall and a half finished dress would decorate a mannequin or two. The both of you would drink coffee and chit chat as he tried to get lost in the motions of hand stitching pieces of scrap fabric together.

He didn't want to constantly strain himself to move his arm.

He wanted it to be natural.

He wanted to use his hand without a second thought.

He wanted it to be like..

How it use to be.

But it could.. never really be like it use to be.

And he struggled and struggled and struggled.

In the weeks that had dragged by, both you and Papyrus had picked up small gigs to help patch the hole his injury was leaving.

Sans was... or had been.. the bread maker.

He always prided himself on providing by running the docks, able to keep his rather lavish lifestyle alive by delivering cargo from overseas to sellers like the Fell brothers and the other croons of this city, but the two of you had insisted on him resting, so his businesses and trades had all but halted.

You were still far off from ever putting a dent in his savings, but the two of you worked regardless to ease his stress.

..Because somehow, even having the back up funds prepared for events like this, didn't stop Sans from stressing.

The only part that annoyed him about it was that you had less time to teach him. You focused more on your commissions, so Sans would leave you in peace to your quiet room and stitch in his quarters.

He hadn't really decided what he wanted to work towards from stitching. It had simply become a tool to help train his fingers, so now that he could sew what was he suppose to do with the skill?

...

....

.....

It was a quiet afternoon in his quarters, the low hum of a forgotten radio on his desk as a deep voice rattled off the daily news mixed with a garble of static. Being so far out into the marine meant the reception wasn't good, but he could pick up key terms as the voice drawled on. Another murder on the west side, some more fights in the south and some re-election news. Not like it mattered who was in charge these days. The faces changed but at the end of the day these suits always lined their pockets with bloodied dollar bills. This city was rotted to it's core, just like it's people, and it'd stay that way until it was burned to the ground.

Sans' eyelights drifted down to the book in front of him.

'Stuffed Plushies For Beginners!'

The title almost felt condescending, just like the colorful pictures and simple wording that decorated each page. He still couldn't help but twist his frown deeper at the fact that you bought him a children's book of all things, paired with that sharp little grin of yours and that infectious laugher. It had been too much.. Which is why he snatched the damn thing out of your hands when you gave it to him.

"To help decide what you want to do with your new skill! Maybe you can finally make something instead of just stitching scraps together you dork."

He would never turn down a challenge, especially from you, and he was eager to have your approval again.

"AND WHAT EXATLY SHOULD I SEW?"

"Just pick something you're interested in and sew it. They have a lot of animals in there! You do at least like one kind of animal, don't you?"

Dogs, because they were loyal.

Cats, because they could fend for themselves.

Birds, because of their freedom.

But making something based of them didn't quite appeal to Sans.

'Basic Plushie Pattern.'

...

"hey bro, i wanted to ask- oh my stars."

"AH-!" Sans inhaled, squeezing the doll in his grasp and nearly tearing at it with his claws. "YOU-! WOULD YOU KNOCK!?"

"you actually made a plushie of them. wow," his brother hummed, "and here i thought your obsession couldn't get any wo-"

WHOOMPH.

The pillow made direct contact with Papyrus' face, earning a laugh from the taller skeleton. Sans barked out a few more insults as his brother continued to giggle, admiring what he had finished so far.

It.. looked like crap.

Some of the stitches were lopsided and others weren't uniform, but he wanted to see this through before his frustrations got the better of him. So with some encouragement from Papyrus he kept at it, finishing the body and then attaching the head.

"Pahahaha! Captain!"

"WHAT!?"

"You! Ehehe! You-! Of.. of me!"

"LOOK, JUST TELL ME IT'S TERRIBLE SO I CAN BE RID OF THE ACURSED THING ALRIGHT?"

"No! No. Absolutely not! I'm keeping this forever and you can never take it away from me!"

He gritted his teeth and attempted to wrestle the doll from your grasp but to no avail. You hugged it close and refused to relent, calling it precious and a testament to his efforts.

All of his hard work..

To a doll..

That looked like you.

"Are you going to make one of you?" you asked, letting out a few breaths as he finally gave up trying to grab the doll from your grasp.

"AND WHY WOULD I DO THAT?"

"Well I don't want them to be lonely."

...

How could he... ever argue with that.

So begrudgingly he sewed again, this time now more aware than ever of that 'thing' as it worked meticulously to create a replicate of itself. The doll's left arm, sewn together with a deep gray metallic fabric, now shared the same shame he did.

...

Strangely enough, it suited him.

...

"They look cute together."

"ONE ON THE RIGHT HAS SEEN BETTER DAYS."

"I still think he's pretty cute. He's trying his best, after all."

Well.. he certainly couldn't argue with that either.

#look at that!#we made it!#cap's is a lil' more fluffier than the others so i hope you guys enjoy it!#captain!sans #sans #undertale #fellswap #fellswap sans #undertale fic #yandere sans #long post #fic #fanfiction #drabble #anxiety tw #depression tw #alch!writes #inbetween!fic

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reflections-in-a-critical-eye · 3 years ago

Note

Hi! So, why BTS? And why now? I want to follow your blog, but may I speak openly?

Writing about BTS through the lens of various critical theory is amazing. You are so smart. I am going to be honest about my own biases here, so feel free to trash me for it. I am anonymous after all so trash away as is your right. I understand.

There is often a supposition from critics, both professional and amateur, that the fandom- frequently presented as an immature, undifferentiated mob of cultists- is unable to think critically and must have basic things explained to us so that we don't throw stones at the free speech warriors of truth and standards (not saying that this is your attitude). I find that a little alienating. This fandom has existed for eight years. We have seen blogs and empires rise and fall.

I also don't think that it is an accident that the desire to project these more critical ideas into the public sphere usually comes after a year of being a full on ARMY (judging from my friends experiences). I have read peices about BTS's work referencing Lacan, neo-marxism, post-structuralism and other such stuffs. (My friend used to have an analytic blog that she chose to shut down a few years ago). I am going to be a bit blunt again, so trash if you must, but I think what was being exposed in those pieces was not only "critical thinking" but an excess of emotional investment in BTS, and the desire to intellectualize or justify it.

BTS got a lot of people through 2020. Those long content dives kept people sane. But now, based on a lot of the dissapointed PTD criticism, it feels like some people are waking up hung over and kind of bitter. Emphasizing the three English singles and ignoring BE, an album they worked on for months, seems like a symptom of this. Removing BE from the narrative seems to advance theories of BTS's 'Americanization', lack of creative agency and homogenization into some inferior or less Korean form of pop. BE should not be dismissed as irrelevant to this discourse. Many western artists take an average of 2 years between albums. BTS put out a lot of work. Maybe some of the distrust of criticism that we plebes have comes from the suspicion that critics may use art and events to construct a story. As a person of Asian heritage, LGO going #1 on Billboard meant a lot, emotionally.

I hope none of this caused offense. If it did please just ignore. Thanks for your great thoughts. Wishing you success in your goals.

Hi! Your ask did not cause offense, I'm more than fine to talk about this.

There's a lot to unpack here, so I'm taking it one by one.

Why BTS and why now? I chose to write about BTS because it's been an interest of mine for quite long. I mean, I didn't expect more than a year later to be here. My past obsessions usually lasted between 2 to 3 months, max, and everything felt so intense, but then it faded for a few years. (The last band I really focused on was Pearl Jam back in my first year of college while I was going through a bit of a difficult period in my life).

Yes, I have become a fan during the pandemic. It was sort of inevitable for it to become such a huge focus (escapism from the world outside and from writing a thesis). If I had started this blog a year ago, then you're right in one way: it would have been emotional investment and my desire to intellectualize and justify it. Basically that's what I did in the first few months (when I was on my own, in no community whatsoever). In order to explain myself and others why I'm spending time on this, I used to read research articles. But that's not the full truth and that's because to me such practice comes naturally, just as when I was 16 I couldn't just watch and enjoy movies, I had to read about them every day, or how I'm surrounded by pop culture just as everyone else, but I want to read books about it so I'm willing to do that for months. It's how I'm wired, so in a way, of course it had to happen with BTS as well.

The reason why I decided to make a blog now it's not necessarily because I ''woke up'' or that suddenly I see ''the truth''. Perhaps you may have had that impression because of my first post where I talked about PTD and the recent talks about ''Americanization''. I touched on that subject because I was closely following it, but that is not to say it was my only purpose on making a blog. I feel that, a year later, I'm more secure with my general knowledge and that of BTS. I couldn't have done it before that. I also plan to talk about other topics as well, not just what's ''hot'' at the moment. If I didn't have any other ideas, I wouldn't have made a blog.

And I'm certainly not here to teach anyone or ''plebes'' as you said, anything. And I also know that I'm not going to be the last to have a blog, write a think piece or publish something about BTS. People are allowed to engage in all types of discourse, depending on what they like and what they feel comfortable with. There are countless blogs with countless topics and perspectives. Some last, some don't, that's just how it is. I don't have huge important plans to teach the fandom, my ego is not that big and this is just a hobby for me. It's also not the first time I'm publishing something, but it is the first time on my own blog, despite being on tumblr for 10 years now.

But you are right when you talk about people forgetting about BE and I may add, Film Out which is more recent. I too thought that LGO going #1 on Billboard was incredible. It was a song in Korean that really reflected how people felt during the pandemic. Not just LGO, but the entire album is a true reflection of current times on top of being just simply good music. The album was promoted as well, different versions of the MV, the logs that preceded it focusing on production, it really made me look forward to it and it did not disappoint. The last few months of 2020 have been really good for what BTS has delivered. To go back to your argument, I don't think it's about constructing a story. Yes, in a way people could be accused of ignoring BE, but what's the problem with focusing on what's been going on at present? We shouldn't be surprised about that, PTD was released not too long after Butter. It was full of promotional material ever since May.

I stated in my blog introduction that I'm in film studies, so I will end up making a lot of references because I can naturally make my point across. Let's say I'm a fan of Xavier Dolan. I've watched his first films, fell in love with his aesthetics and his stories. Then he releases something that I don't really like, doesn't work for me. Then another. And then another. I'm thinking, ok, this is the direction he's going with, it's not as daring as what he used to do before, but so what? He gets the awards at Cannes, but I'm still writing a negative review of his film Mommy. Doesn't mean I'm wrong, doesn't mean the Jury at Cannes is wrong, it certainly doesn't mean that I don't like Xavier Dolan anymore. We're just looking for different things.

We write about things that are happening at the moment and how see them now. We make judgments of value based on our current knowledge. Who's to say that in 10 years people won't look back and think: those critics had no idea what they were saying about BTS (Antonioni's L'Avventura was booed at Cannes when it was released in 1960 and now it's considered a masterpiece and even taught in schools). But that's just a possibility right now and if in 10 years I'll remember that I used to write about this, perhaps my opinions could/would change. Maybe less than10 years :)

#asks

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annisnothere · 4 years ago

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BINJIN’s Synastry

Posting it here on tumblr for a more comprehensive take on their synastry, because 280 characters on twitter and twenty tweets isn’t enough <3 these are only aspects since we have no idea what their birth time is!

Hyun Bin’s Sun (Libra) trines Son Ye Jin’s Venus (Aquarius), Son Ye Jin’s Sun (Capricorn) trines Hyun Bin’s Venus (Virgo)

This aspect is basically having mutual support in each other. They share the same, if not similar, perception and common ground that helps them get along. Both of them may have felt an instant connection. His identity, which thrives on social settings, compliments her friendly and eccentric outlook on love, while her capable and persevering identity attracted his analytical take on romance.

Hyun Bin’s Sun (Libra) trines Son Ye Jin’s Mercury (Aquarius), Son Ye Jin’s Sun (Capricorn) squares Hyun Bin’s Mercury (Libra)

The both of them mentally stimulate each other. He admires how rational and objective she can be, yet she might find him superficial because his thoughts and opinions are too diplomatic for her. She might want to challenge him with being much more assertive.

Hyun Bin’s Sun (Libra) conjuncts Son Ye Jin’s Mars (Libra), Son Ye Jin’s Sun (Capricorn) semi squares Hyun Bin’s Mars (Sagittarius)

Both of them are highly sexually attracted to each other. Her sexual expression that mainly revolves through negotiation and foreplay fits his identity, and she may see him as an ideal partner. She might deem him a bit adventurous for her taste but the sex will be intense nonetheless (*ast and *steam i hope you don’t know tumblr).

Hyun Bin’s Sun (Libra) sextiles Son Ye Jin’s Uranus (Sagittarius)

Here they do not have the pressure of being reduced to the shadow of the other, and can stand alone just fine. He finds her very exciting and stimulating as a person, and she’ll do things that will spice up their relationship. There’s going to be constant changes happening.

Hyun Bin’s Sun (Libra) squares Son Ye Jin’s Neptune (Sagittarius)

She might promise more than what she could give to him. This is an aspect where both of them had felt like they have found the one, especially on his part, but his thoughts are very hazy. He might feel a bit of mistrust because she can be a bit evasive because she doesn’t want to hurt him. His savior complex might come in when she has a problem.

Hyun Bin’s Moon (Capricorn) squares Son Ye Jin’s Mars (Libra), Son Ye Jin’s Moon (Leo) trines Hyun Bin’s Mars (Sagittarius)

Let me get this out of my chest. This is a baby making aspect because this aspect increases fertility and that they might talk about having babies together. At first she might have been feisty towards him as a way of teasing because of his rigidness, which made him go back a few steps, but as soon as he becomes comfortable towards her he banters back. Then, the sparks fly (Lots of sex too pls calm down). He’s very protective of her kind of like in a Twilight-esque way, and she gives him the emotional connection that she wants.

Hyun Bin’s Moon (Capricorn) conjuncts Son Ye Jin’s Neptune (Sagittarius)

Wow they might have that psychic connection with each other or something because this aspect basically says that both of them are in tune with each other’s emotions. Because of this, it gives off a feeling of attachment to each other even if they are apart.

Hyun Bin’s Moon (Capricorn) sextiles Son Ye Jin’s Pluto (Libra)

This makes them confide in each other and have these intense feelings that are greatly welcomed by the two of them. Its a really passionate relationship. As he tends to keep emotions to himself, he confides in her, and she soothes his inner emotional problems. Man she hates it when he’s sad. He understands her inner turmoil. (Aspect goals honestly)

Hyun Bin’s Mercury (Libra) trines Son Ye Jin’s Venus (Aquarius)

She probably loves his voice so much lol I mean, Mercury Libras are very flirty with words. I think because of this aspect, both of them might become a bit more understanding on their difference when it comes to expressing love.

Hyun Bin’s Venus (Virgo) squares Son Ye Jin’s Neptune (Sagittarius)

This is a good aspect for them, but to the eyes of others, it can be unstable. Both of them may have delusional thoughts (especially him). I guess knowing how and where to draw the line between them needs to happen because they might sabotage each other in the end.

Hyun Bin’s Venus (Virgo) sextiles Son Ye Jin’s North Node (Cancer)

Instant attraction. They might have been fated to meet. Everything seemed to fall into place perfectly and they really get along. This relationship has them learning a lot of lessons.

Hyun Bin’s Venus (Virgo) trines Son Ye Jin’s Chiron (Taurus)

TBH, the 3-degree orb (difference in degrees between planets) of this might have lessened the effects of this aspect, but I’m still putting this out of hope. Healing within each other will be the major theme that revolves around this aspect, and can be a common aspect in marriage.

Hyun Bin’s Mars (Sagittarius) sextiles Son Ye Jin’s Venus (Aquarius)

There’s that playful banter we see and both of them satisfy each other well romantically and sexually. She is very attracted towards him, and he makes her feel like a woman. They might be compelled to touch each other frequently.

Hyun Bin’s Mars (Sagittarius) conjunct Son Ye Jin’s Uranus (Sagittarius)

LOL I’m convinced they were probably interested in each other early on because this is fairly intense in a way that its out of the norm. They’re experimental when it comes to sex, and she finds him very hot.

Hyun Bin’s Jupiter (Scorpio) square Son Ye Jin’s Moon (Leo)

Honestly this aspect is nice because they both hype each other up but then they might not see the relationship if it ever goes down to a negative state. They feel their feelings in a much more heightened state. Its like when one offends the other, the offended can feel hurt more that what they have expected.

Hyun Bin’s Jupiter (Scorpio) Square Son Ye Jin’s Venus (Aquarius)

He might spoil her, and the feelings they share is a bit too on the nose for people (look at how the media already guessed in their movie tours). They laugh together a lot and would probably laugh during sex. I think it’s nice if they don’t over indulge but they’re rich so i guess its fine.

Hyun Bin’s Saturn (Libra) squares Son Ye Jin’s Sun (Capricorn)

If I’ll be honest, this is a very difficult aspect, as he might nag and be critical of her and she might feel discouraged about it. It’s that feeling when you have someone you impress, but the other person isn’t. There’s this teacher student relationship being reflected. On a positive note, this aspect is common in married couples. Squares are meant to be friction and challenge that a couple must go through and with maturity and all the other good aspects they have, then they’ll last long.

Hyun Bin’s Saturn (Libra) square Son Ye Jin’s North Node (Cancer)

This is like, a tie between them, because north node is ultimately your purpose, yet it squares the planet that serves as glue in the relationship. Its like they will still cross each other’s paths even if they break up. This is a long term relationship aspect, and usually from what I’ve read people with this aspect go through on-off situations but they ultimately go back together.

Hyun Bin’s Uranus (Sagittarius) trines Son Ye Jin’s Moon (Leo)

This is the best friends and lovers aspect, because they get each other well. There’s this feeling of comfort coming from her towards him and it makes him easier to open up with her because of how “fun” the leo moon is.

Hyun Bin’s Pluto squares Son Ye Jin’s Sun (Capricorn)

It’s intense and attractive, but it may cause power trips from the both of them if they don’t know how to yield for each other. Then again, they have certain lighter aspects which makes it better for them to slow down and compromise.

Hyun Bin’s North Node (Cancer) square Son Ye Jin’s Mars (Libra)

In this one his purpose had squared with her ability to take action, which can lead to conflict. However, they are compelled to work on this action and he will guide her to harness that action to her own purpose as well as what both wanted.

In general Binjin is that couple who clearly couldn’t get enough of each other, and it can either be their asset or their downfall. Keeping a realistic outlook on the dynamics of their relationship will gladly help the longevity of their relationship. He is the forgiving one, she’s the understanding one. When their birth times fall into an easy place then it can be easier to solve problems like these. 💖

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12housescorpio · 5 years ago

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The signs stereotype vs how they actually are

Aries stereotype: violent, angry, loud, harsh, brass, immature

How Aries really are: to a point, their stereotype isn’t completely wrong. They come off as violent because they aren’t afraid to express their brutality as loudly and passionately as they see fit. But Aries also have a very noble, surprisingly wise and patient side to them. They don’t recognize when they’re being “too-much” or if other people are uncomfortable in anyway so they may seem rude but really they’re just in their own Aries bubble.

Taurus stereotype: obsessed with food, cozy, home bodies, aesthetic lovers, warm, soft patient, stubborn.

How Taurus really are: Taurus love money. Power. They are practical for sure and extremely good with money and adult related things, but they are extremely impatient when other people are not. Taurus are venusians so they love aesthetics the same way that libras do but the difference is that they want people to be the aesthetic, which can make them extremely superficial. They want themselves and the people around them to be beautiful and are often not comfortable unless those around them are attractive or at least dress nicely. They are very stubborn, but at the same time they are extremely open philosophically, they love hearing other people’s opinions and learning new things. They can be homebodies but mostly they just don’t wanna go anywhere out of their comfort zone. If they try something new it’s only after doing research that it will be fun for sure, due to their practicality.

Gemini stereotype: evil, two faced. (I haven’t really seen any other Gemini stereotypes aha)

How Gemini really are: Gemini’s are jumbled messes, they are notorious for being anxious, hyper, jittery, all over the place especially mentally, they have a high standard for the people they hang out with, they really want to surround themselves with interesting, funny and entertaining people. I by no means think that Gemini’s are evil anymore than I think any other sign are evil. I honestly don’t even know where that came from. As for two faced I don’t really see that either, they definitely won’t tell you what they’re thinking but that’s mostly because they don’t see a point in doing that, they’d rather just move on and hang out with other people if you upset them, but they’ll still be nice to you. They always have a lot of friend—they like to collect people.

Cancer stereotype: cuddly, emotional, motherly, kind.

How Cancer really are: very true they are easily the most emotional signs and they can definitely be cuddly and motherly, they can also have issues with being pathological liars, and having a victim mentality. While they have the potential to be the kindest, most thoughtful and understanding people you’ve ever met, they can also be vindictive, vengeful, secretive and manipulative. They can have issues with dependency on other’s for validation or just being near other people. Sometimes they can be guilt trippers, especially when it comes to being taken care of. They want to take care of other people, but if they don’t deal with their issues with needing other people, they can take care of other people with the intention of being taken care of in other ways or will kill themselves to take care of someone who doesn’t do anything for them or willingly stays in toxic situations because they don’t want to be alone. Can be suspicious, jealous and clingy.

Leo stereotype: courageous, brave, attention seekers, loud, all-about-me, spot light stealers.

How Leo really are: Leo’s are just less flashy, people pleasing Aries lmao. Leo’s are doers, they live for moments, and happiness. They love to make people laugh, they want everything to be perfect and because of this can be perfectionists. Extremely people pleasing, hates negativity and will actively ignore it which can lead to not dealing with problems that need to be dealt with. Can for sure be spot light stealers, but usually they don’t notice this and also love to make sure other people have the spotlight as well. They love moments, and are very sentimental at times. Can be selfish and self absorbed but can also be extremely kind and healing towards others. They inspire, uplift, support and direct others who need it.

Virgo stereotype: workaholics, snobby, loves homework and chores

How Virgo really are: the truth about Virgos is that they are fixers. They are constantly trying to improve things, fix things and do things in general. Depending on what placement the Virgo sign is in, the Virgo will be critical, and perfectionistic of that thing. So for example, Virgo risings will be critical and perfectionistic of how they are viewed and may be critical of how others appear as well. This deeply affects the Virgo if there are things they cannot make perfect within themselves or within their lives, they are constantly troubled by not being able to control the things around them which could be why they are stressed or nitpicky a lot. But this is not all they are. They also want to help, support and fix their friends problems, which is why they offer so much love and assistance. Sometimes this is unwanted, but it is truly how the Virgo expresses love.

Libra stereotype: airhead, indecisive, superficial, shopaholics

How Libra really are: I’ve spoken on why I think libras being airheads is just plain stupid, because they are literally the sign of law, government, analysis of decisions and all things equality. They are balance scales because they weigh the options. They want things to be fair, so they often play devils advocate. They see both sides. They are people pleasers, they want to do what’s best for everyone. They are excellent communicators and debators. They often have level headed opinions that are unique and unlike any other. Not to mention, there’s a reason that libras are part of the Air - triad. The air element represents analytic ability, communication and going with the flow. It’s true that libras love to surround themselves with aesthetics but in no way shape or form does that have anything to do with superficiality, they love all walks of life. It’s true they can absolutely be indesisive, but would you rather them rush into a decision that they end up not wanting to make? Exactly. Let them take their time.

Scorpio stereotype: evil, manipulative, vengeful, dark, brooding

How Scorpio really are: I could really go on and on with this subject. I’ve said a million times how much I hate the Scorpio stereotype, luckily it’s died down the past few years since I first started tumblr. Scorpios are by no means evil. Scorpios are understanding, loving, empathetic and misunderstood creatures. Just like EVERY water sign, Scorpios can get in their head and lash out. So can every other person on the planet. Scorpios are the rulers of over thinking, self reflecting, looking back on the past, putting patterns together and all that tends to apply to relationships especially since Scorpios tend to have rough childhoods and difficult past relationship—they develop trust issues. Either a Scorpio will enter a relationship with you and constantly pay too close attention to your body language (seeing if you’re going to pull some fuck shit) and they also tend to be destructive because Scorpios again, are the rulers of death and transformation (Pluto)

Sagittarius stereotype: adventurous, philosophical, bubbly, travelers, honest, cheaters, commitment phobs

How Sagittarius really are: honestly those stereotypes are pretty true lol the only thing I want to mention is that the honesty Sagittarius have isn’t necessarily your typical honesty. They choose what information to hide and which to choose. If you ask them out right they won’t lie to you, they might sugar coat it but usually they’ll tell you the blunt truth with a smile on their face. But they aren’t idiots, they know what’s going to upset people and what isnt, and they also know what information to get out of you and how to do it. All innocently, usually. Usually Sagittarius just wanna know the gossip. Although there are always bad eggs. Also, they aren’t commitment phobes, they just love to experience and have fun and go out and not be tied down, usually people don’t understand that so they choose not to date until they find someone who gets it.

Capricorn stereotype: workaholics, the sad version of the Virgo stereotype, sex obsessed, evil

How Capricorn really are: yeah I mean Capricorn’s are definitely ambitious and career focused, they don’t fuck w the bullshit of romance and tend to have an apathetic outlook. But no one ever talks about how moral and sarcastic Capricorn’s are. They’re so much more than just work-work-work I mean come on guys Capricorn is such a complex sign. Capricorn’s are sarcastic, extremely critical of others and themselves, they have high standards and feel that everyone should meet those standards especially themselves. They’re also SO fucking funny. They’re moral, always say exactly what’s on their mind (lowkey more honest than Sagittarius but you didn’t hear it from me) but tend to be pessimistic and sometimes down right cruel. They’re calculated, and logical.

Aquarius stereotype: cold, detached, obsessed with the occult. aLiEnS

How Aquarius really are: I really don’t think y’all have ever met an Aquarius. Aquarius are fun, full of life, and yes they adore the unknown and tend to be the most intuitive sign (next to Pisces) and they don’t fuck with close minded people. They love all things weird, eccentric, unique. They LOVE people. They are just intuitive enough to know who not to fuck with, even if they don’t know it’s their intuition. They can be detached only when they know they can’t trust someone, when they feel as though they can trust them, they let down all their walls are are the kindest, best friends you could possibly have. Aquarius are smart, funny and just plain the best. Enough said. Like there’s no other way to explain Aquarius other than better than you lmao

Pisces stereotype: innocent, weak, soft, emotional, pReCiOuS lItTlE bEaNs, psychic

How Pisces really are: completely capable of handling anything that comes their way, beautifully creative, intuitive, truly intuitive but it’s only because they’re stuck in the 5D and unable to see the 3D so they’re looking at people thru a distorted fishbowl, unable to see things how they really are. May see people as x when they’re really y. This is why they tend to see good people as bad or bad people as good. Or more commonly, innocent actions as malicious.

#aries #taurus #gemini #cancer #virgo #leo #libra #scorpio #sagittarius #capricorn #pisces #aquarius #astrology #textpost #zodiacs

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