#people need to be more normal about female characters just in general ofc

[vaporgrove]

people should be more normal about female characters who are weird and happen to be not so niceys all the time . i think.

[istherewifiinhell]

IS FLYING GENDERED?

On the masculine default, typifying gender in genre, and women as the other in the transformers cartoons.

question for the ages

once again i said back in the halcyon days of watching g1 (aka 5 months ago) i was like. Nooooo, decepticon is NOT a gender that's Silly. It's funny, but as a Read Of The Text, I thought it largely unneeded. (The concept came about, as a joke, involving dismissing the bad guys using the same language you would abt women (sexistly) that they're emotional [heh, flighty], vain, and shrill) after all. If in the 80s era there are 5 whole named/speaking woman tfs, its only ever gonna get better from here right? (<- booboo the fool)

anyway

Let's consider the axiom that the assumed default gender is male, that maleness is often seen as LACK of gender, and femaleness and gender variance are the PRESENCE of gender. In certain reasoning and worldviews, of course (See Androcentrism). Then add that, for transformers, the assumed default thing a transformer turns into, is car. (Autocentrism, if you will)

(The most general term for what a tf turns into is "Alt mode" as some of them are not vehicles at all. The other mode is "Robot Mode", whether its humanoid or not)

So I will be laying out why I believe the cartoon iterations support: non standard alt modes = non standard genders. This is in spite of the fact that FIRST lady tfs were all cars. Sleek cyber cars, but still. For whatever reason, (possibly, the reason for everything in tf, toys) they might as well not exist for how woman tf characters presence in the cartoons progressed over time.

And, to be clear, this is a reading of how these works of fiction are created, not a new unified bioessentialism but for robots aliens I'm proposing for like. In universe lore reasons. I hate that idea.

That said, alt modes in order of most to least gender: Spider, motorcycle, flying (in general, with rotors, jets), tank, and then FINALLY, car. (water and space crafts are already too marginal to rank, but they too can be assumed in relation to default maleness, AND that in making one a woman, would still qualify as othering her).

The NUMBER one reason for this is the bizarre need to have an ESTABLISHED woman tf character before making new ones. AS YOU MIGHT IMAGINE. With a g1 gender ratio something like.... (counting even the most marginal cases for the ladies) 9:120? (That's a rough count from a quick scanning of the tf wiki g1 char list) Shits dire out here.

The second is, ofc, character design based. cis people [stand in phrase for the hegemonic world view] are not okay, and their opinions about how tf gender must need be depicted visually is. uh? Im not a fan. Size and shape dimorphism in general is a given, and specifically having women tfs as far more humanoid and curvy in specific. Also general cartoon lady face syndrome but, whatever. I think there's exactly one character here who doesn't have "lips" or "lipstick" as a distinguishing factor. I'm so tired.

Third is generally, the idea of The Girl Of the Team. When there's The Girl, she often isn't JUST a normal character, who happens to be a girl. See, of course, the Smurtfette Principle. But in my view there's also a trend to give The Girl "special traits" on top of "Girl", maybe even to directly combat the idea that the Girl Character has no other traits? To stop this from being a General Primer on Woman in Media, my explanatory focus is things specific to the tf franchise.

(A phrase I use for thinking about normative modes [in general, not just the Alt ones] in within the tf universe is "unique transformerdom" or, even more clunkily, "A transformer of unique transformerdom". The excessive verbosity is amusing to me personally. All I mean by it is to have an umbrella term for any of the ways tfs can be made unique from their peers in the non allegorical realities of the fiction).

I could, and do, and greatly want to, speak about this AT LENGTH. But it keeps spiraling away from me. So I'll say for now were looking at ways a character is being depicted different from her peers, not because she is the only woman (which she likely is), but cause she's a different kind of transformer, AND if she's othered for it.

(IN SOME forms of the lore. Being a transformer woman, IS A UNIQUE KIND of transformer unto itself. Let's just say I hate it and move on)

Fourth, is the gender of villainy. There is much to be said about gender presentation of villains, the ways they are allowed to be aberrant. We will get to it. There is also all the tropes specific TO evil women, and the modes of villainy open TO female characters. But a general thing I think impacting the gender ratios of the factions is the how "Good" and "Evil" female characters are written. I'll generalize and call this the "Damsel vs Temptress" dichotomy. (See concepts like the Madonna-whore complex). Transformers, is by and large, an action franchise. Unless special reasons are made, characters who can impact the action– have more screen time, and likely more memorable, and iconic presences. A villainous woman can be unchaste, violent, aggressive. While a heroic woman, even if not a literal damsel are more likely to be in a support role. The secretaries of the action genre: medics and techs.

(Another factor is that tfs are giant robots, and the good guys are often friends with tiny squishy little humans. These make very good damsel fodder, and can be taking up the spots on the roster that might, in a different franchise, go to women. Additionally, while woman characters in transformers overall is an interesting topic. When I say tf women, I'm referring to ones that are in fictionally, transformers.)

SO, now understanding our points of attack/obstacles for getting woman into transformers. (Getting established, gendering the designed, uniqueness of existence, and general villainy). Lets go over those alt modes, and the characters that have em, in more detail.

Spiders

The "Beast Era" (1996) intro-ed the spider ofc. And what don't we have with this one. She's a villain, but shes also misunderstood, the era and design style let to these more organic shapes. And they used them to make sure she was very sexy. She's genre aware, she's quippy, she's an absolute icon. So naturally. She gets ported to other later shows. Which means we just have sexy spider ladies running around when everyone else is a fucking truck and shit.

Her own origin is, well think of her as a "Bride of Frankenstein" to the resident evil scientist, also a spider. She was designed for, and manipulated by him in multiple ways. Her protoform (A blank robot base), was supposed to be one of the good guys (a Maximal), but was reprogrammed into a bad guy (Predacon). Even then, she eventually joins them, for her own reasons. She's not even the first predacon to do so, the difference? Well the characters are a lot more NORMAL about his autonomy. Both of these characters stress that being a predacon is an identity they still see as important. But only the woman is told that really, she is was was always MEANT to be a maximal. And while that's true in a sense. There's also a plot were she's forced (by plot contrivance, not the other maximals) to get corrective robot surgery for it. And when they think she died from, everyone's more sad for her boyfriend than for her. Ouch.

The second spider, in the 2007 show, is now one in a world where she is the only "techno-organic" transformer, hence, she is spider, everyone else is a vehicle. Similar to the first, her narrative is very gendered, but less in the way were, like, I do literally think the first was was experiencing in universe sexism from other characters. Here, they really focus on the "techno vs organic" narrative, and the tragic circumstances on how that happened. In this case its just real world sexist writing.

THIRD SPIDER, (2010), instead of misunderstood and tragic evil, this ones just super mega likes to cause pain evil. She also occupies a strange place between the typic vehicular tfs, and the insecticons. This is because she has a helicopter alt mode, and her robot mode is just, a lady with spider characteristics. And, more than just a passing bug like similarity, she has the power to control the insecticons (you know, cause evil woman mind control). However, she doesn't fit in with them either, as the insecticons are at the most insect like they've ever been, in look, living in hives and that most don't even speak.

They may vary in exact character, relationship to the story's moral conflict, and design. But they stay comfortably established, dimorphised, flirty and flirting with villainy. And bonus points, always, for black widow spider trope.

SO. SPIDERS. Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: ✅️ (Extremely!) Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ Villainy: ✅️

Motorcycles

Tooooo my knowledge the first bike lady was in 2004, and fairly minor, in the actual plot, but rest assured, they did go the previously established woman route, by being pink, though, which one shes named after varies by language. But neither were previously motorcycles. (And yes, there is also this problem of mixing together or swapping out one woman tf for another. As if we have the ladies to spare). Even though motorcycle men also exist, this one just stuck for a bit. Maybe something to do with Those Movies. I think the Gendered Existence of a motorcycle is pretty evident though, general sex appeal, being smaller, the mode of riding a motorcycle is different, more physical and intimate. Mainly this ranks so high for the level of grossness they can pack in. Just how objectifying it can be, particularly with two instances where the human rider is an annoying teen boy. Naturally, I've also never seen a male and female motorcycle in the same room, but the approach to design tends to be different. And yeah most of em are Arcee, who's first alt mode was cyber car, but it's not just her.

Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: ✅️ Unique: ✅️ Othered: Depends on iteration, I do NOT like the way one gets called "tough, for a two wheeler". Villainy: ❌(they wouldn't need to be motorcycles if they weren't making them the Special Girl Autobot, after all)

Flying

General: It just tends to stick out when your one girl is only flyer in the group, even she's otherwise tactfully done. Only flyer of the Maximals, a falcon, only flyer of the dinobots, a Pteranodon.

Rotors

I can barely even figure this one. Maybe it's just a general, aesthetics and use case of the actually vehicles, the associations? None of these ladies (and special case) are very connected otherwise. As previously mentioned, the spider helicopter. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

A big one for this is the preschool demo shows, which are rescue team focused. In the first one the only woman on the human response worker team pairs with the helicopter, they mention she does medical at times. The helicopter is male, like the other tfs. But also he's afraid of flying, and while not the first case of a flyer with a fear of heights, their personalities are, pretty different. As he's both fearful AND effeminate, fine as character traits go but, with the tone of humour used, marks him as Other.

In the second, Whirl (pointing to icon) becomes a girl for the first time, now with standard humanized face. I assume as move to keep with the previous show of having a girl one, as there's no human team mates. She's also the only one who really likes rescue school. Aaaand that's all know of her. What more do you want from me.

Helicopters: Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ (milder than some)

But why'd I call this section rotors instead of helicopters? That would be because one of the latest Sole Female TF we just put in everything™ is a VTOL jet with rotors. She'll tend to be the only jet of her type, which is also smaller than the type of jet used for the villains.

And, of course, aside from alt mode, the thing that makes her stand out most in the cartoons? That she's very clearly a comics character. (I find the emphasize that she's "fan created" over done, as it only controlled minor aspects, and irrelevant cause tfs get completely overhauled in new versions all the time). From her design, which is a bit busier than most characters she stars with. And also uses Japanese aesthetic signifiers in ways that I think are a bit misappropriated and untactful. (VERY USamerican comics). Also, when she stars next to a guy, also from comics employing Japanese aesthetic, you can tell its not deployed in the same manner. (E.I she has hair and makeup, he has armor). Either way, her depictions have her either as badass sword lady on mission from god who's constantly getting hit on by an annoying guy. Or have her be from a different planet and has special telepathy.

Do we see how both her gender AND the cultural signifiers are having affects here? That the main woman tf in a series can be a literal alien even among our alien robots, with cultural signifiers they don't have?

Ratings Established: ✅️ (made the comics to cartoon jump) Gendered designs: ✅️ Unique: ✅️ Othered: ✅️ (SO SO EXTREMELY, using methods in fiction and real life)

Jets

I think my association of jets with tf gender is stronger, than some of the above examples, even if there's less reason to it. And why is that? Well, lets get socratic. Here's another question.

Is This All Starscream's Fault?

No. He's not real, he can't do things. But. His legacy as THE main stay transformers character that gets to subvert gender? Yeah. (Sure, the G1 autobots have their own effete, but he's not in every single cartoon they ever made now is he? Plus now that I think about it, he is a FLYING car...)

From the get, he's not a Man's man. He's shrill, he's manipulative and duplicitous, petty and emotional, cowardly and wheedling. He is, of course, the Perfect character. Now naturally, the 80s cartoon was not concerned with your paltry logics. Starscream and his ilk are the jets, but every decepticon can fly. The gun, the cassette player, the camera, the cassettes.

And each to a last, more masculine than he is. Vocally or behaviorally, physically. Every one of them fit the gender expectations more than he does. Even being a small time grunt, is a masculine trait, after all, more so than unchecked ambition. So its not femininity from flying, from jets. But direct relationship, reference, and descendancy from Starscream that makes it. I've yet to see female versions of Jet fire and or the aerialbots, for example.

So what to do when an effeminate male villain was less maltese falcon and more that man has effeminate hips? Well. We had to start getting his ass for being effeminate, explicitly. They made the female clone of him, which yeah, is an offensive joke stemming from the various The Gender Anxieties. (Transmisogyny, homophobia and sexism. General relation toxic masculinity. A heady mix of all and more).

But I mean. It's free girl tf... Once given a name in extra canon materials, she start's showing up in other things. Once you're in books, video games, comics, and most importantly, toys, you're real. And then eventually, her first non clone appearance in a cartoon, and how her presence shaped it.

That being, Cyberverse. Which is a cgi show, you need to know this for reasons of production. Making new models is expensive. This has always been the reason you just make recolours of Starscream and name them different things. Chicken or egg on this one, I don't know, But because CV has Slipstream, and the only difference between her and the generic "male" decepticon jet, is a more feminine face; Suddenly, any random decepticon goon can be a woman.

An absolutely revolutionary take for striving to populate a fictional world with gender parity. By at large it also means they're way more lady villains, and specifically flying model of villain. The show has other woman, but none who get the same androgynous body mold treatment.

Established: ✅️ Gendered designs: Mildly to NO. Unique: By design, no. Othered: Yes for the clone, and Screamer himself, I suppose. No, otherwise. Villainy: ✅️(That's, the whole idea)

Tanks

It needs to be said. Sometimes, when doing things that transgress a norm, anteing up is less subversive. This is another reason why gender variance, female agency and overt sexuality are more common traits of villains. When already defying strictures of society. What's one more.

That's Right. TANKS ARE THE BUTCH WOMAN OF TRANSFORMERS.

Alright. Let me back up. Strika is the stone cold knock out undefeated champ of lady tf designs that, actually has a reoccurring cartoon presence. She is, admittedly, only a reoccurring to minor character.

Her introduction is in another show with techno-organics, this one involved in the struggle between well, the techno and the organic. Strika as we see her, and as the design that will go on to be iterated, is not in her normal transformer body. She has been transferred into a 'vehicon' body. Without a preexisting essence contained in one, vehicons are not considered alive, in the way a transformer is. Visually, they lack the more human body plan, a standard face, feet and hand like appendages.

To further contrast Strika against the two techno-organic woman. Both of them are tall, and slender. Their softer organic shapes designed towards elegance or beauty, whatever your subjective opinion of that result might be. They both have romance subplots too. By the way. Or honestly one subplot and one main plot. Strika. In contrast. Is built like a brick shit house. Her face is. Minimal. And her goal: protecting her planet... by terminating the heroes.

Now, existing as a character that can be referenced for other media, and given the detail that she was a "Famous general", it's off to the races. She makes a wonderful big tank menace that can fill out a background shot, too.

Without her I hardly think we could have Clobber, also from CV. Who is. The true goat. The finest thing, the achievements of all we could ever hope for. A big fuck off woman, gender swapped from a previous male design with minimal faff, with now even more personality and show presence. Friends, wants, desires. Emotions. Thank God for Clobber, Thank Clobber for Clobber. Thank Randolph Heard and Mae Catt for Clobber.

Established: Depends if you want to count that Strika had so much swag they kept drawing/modeling her Gendered designs: FUCK NO Unique: ✅️ Othered: only originally Villainy: ✅️

Cars

So now you have the final piece of the puzzle. In transformers, Autobots are Cars. Yes, there are plenty of autobots that are NOT cars, and there are cars that are not Autobots. But they're exceptions, they're aberrances. They're unique. And Autobots are the norm. They oppose the Decepticons. Decepticons are Villains. And Decepticons can fly. Modal simplified binaries and false dichotomy abound!

And the thing about those original Autobot woman, the one's who largely did not influence all of this? They were cars, it's true, but not like how the men where cars. They've not been designed from transforming car toys, with a shellac of humanoid gender over top. Their designed in the way of human gender. With the car on top.

When the preexisting clause leads to the original designs to be revisited, which, has largely only happened in more recent years. They aren't car woman robots. The cars are literally not part of their bodies, they are additional. Instead of a unifying identity of a robot who is a car, its Arcee and her backpack. Parts of cars get grafted onto their petite lady bodies, and placed anywhere out of the way.

In order to make a transformer a woman, they have to give her a gender, not understanding that that's always been the case. And to give her a woman's gender, she's got to LOOK like a woman, not a transformer. And to look like a woman, she's got to act like a woman. She must be heroic but reactive instead of active, or else, villainous, conniving and or self centered. To be a woman, we must have some other previous woman to explain her presence, or else explain it anew with her unique, strange, or exotic origin. How could she ever be a woman if she simply, existed, looked average, talked average. How could she be a woman if her body is hunks of ungendered car. How can she be a woman if she's everything we expect a transformer to be.

A woman is transgressive, a woman is not normal. Autobots are normal. Autobots are heros. Autobots are men. And Autobots do not fly.

[11queensupreme11]

Just wanted to ask (not sure if this got sent properly) but how could a loser!girlflop!MC NOT set back feminism?

Especially in the premise of your fic, where, if the tags are anything to go by, the female girlflop mc will lose everything she holds dear including her mental stability and bodily autonomy to five or more overpowered MEN (granted they are gods, but still men.)

The main difference between her and OG!Percy, who got both the love of his life Annabeth and a pretty set future at New Rome College? Their gender.

Just to explain, I for one fully, or at least mostly understood what I was getting into when I began reading Arsenic Blues. I saw the Dead Dove tag, and know how to differentiate reality from fiction.

However, there’s a possibility that some loud mouthed single braincelled men out there (or women with internalized misogyny) that considers a fem!Percy with practically the same strength, abilities, and personality, too pretentious or something, began reading your fic after seeing the tags to get off on fem!Percy being non con fucked out of her mind, traumatized, and knocked down a peg or billion, reduced to a mere common victim of the gods, because they don’t like the concept of a strong fem!Percy. Cuz surely a loser coded girl saving Olympus is just a fluke and she needs to be put in her place by capable men😒

(This possibility is of course not your problem nor responsibility of course, but it still does not negate the fact that it sets back feminism, as some may use it as “proof” that women are inferior idiots that can’t be trusted with power.

“Look at OG!Male!Percy! He saved Olympus and the world twice with little to no major losses, got the girl, and has a bright future! Look at fem!Percy. This idiot managed to destroy her world in her stupid attempt to do what only a male version of her could! I knew that first time was a fluke!)

An example of this would be Zenitsu from Demon Slayer, ( a loser coded cringey but cute badass, first character that came to mind), who has a pretty large fan base despite his loser personality. Make Zenitsu a girl, and all of a sudden everyone is bashing her for being the weak link, dead weight, pick me bitch.

Or using TBOSAS, some people truly blame Lucy Gray for leaving a clearly psychotic person and says that the Hunger Games were her fault for leaving. It’s her fault that Snow turned evil, blaming the woman for the man’s actions.

(you sent this twice, but the only difference is the last paragraph, so im just gonna answer to this one instead of repeating both, hope you don't mind!)

i truly don't believe my fanfic is gonna set feminism back because, as you said, it's not my responsibility if some incel or girl with internalized misogyny sees it and uses it as a "gotcha" that "hahaha girls are weak cuz look what happened to fem!percy".

no normal person is gonna read my fic (or any book like this in general tbh) and suddenly think "omg.... girls are inferior to men! this book told me so and i'm gonna take it as fact!". if someone does think that, then they already had issues to begin with way before they started reading. my fic did not give them those issues.

normal ppl don't let themselves get influenced by a book in such a way because they've already gotten a solidified sense of right or wrong and they should already know "yeah the stuff happening to this MC is bad and not at all their fault. anyway! time to enjoy more of their suffering 🤪".

UNLESS ofc, they don't have a fully solidified sense of right or wrong, meaning they're just way too young to be reading my fic (or books like it). even then, not really my fault because i already gave out the warnings and even ao3 gives an additional "are you sure you wanna read this?" page. people can't control who reads the fics/books, they can just give out warnings

also, about the og male!percy vs my fem!percy thing, i can easily just write fanfic about og!percy going through the same thing. then what are they gonna say? in fact, there already ARE some juicy dark fics about poor og percy, savior of olympus, being reduced to just another victim of the gods (there's actually a lot more dark fics of og!percy going through traumatizing shit then there are fem!percy ones hehe 😍)

[apelcini]

Hello! In the cowboy-samurai post you mentioned Jewish-presenting autism and I’m just wondering what you mean by that? Asking as a Jewish person trying to figure out if I’m autistic (and fully knowing that this was a comedic thing and not meant to be taken as a “diagnostic” tool - just curious about thoughts about Jewishness and autism)

yeah ofc, i do a lot of talking about how being jewish in general and especially being raised jewish can influence a person’s viewpoint and values on stuff like knowledge, communication style, and gender roles. it’s also worth noting that i was a little girl with textbook Weird Autistic White Little Boy Trope autism, which went misdiagnosed for years as just being fussy and scatterbrained because of misconceptions about there being innate differences in Male and Female autism as opposed to just socialization, so now i just use “[identity]-presenting autism” to describe noncausal relationships between autism and different facets of identity. i described my female character as having jewish-presenting autism because she’s an 1800s candidate for jeopardy contestant, highly skilled liar, charismatic but tonally clueless social outcast, girl who can’t shut up, and bossy know-it-all who can’t follow directions. everything i’m about to say is anecdotal evidence of course, but in particular i’ve noticed a trend with autistic jewish kids where they’re more likely to have symptoms such as:

obsession with information and sharing information. this can look like a need to correct incorrect things even when it’s better to stay quiet, compulsively picking fights when a political view they disagree with comes up even if hashing it out has no possible benefits, infodumping about every subject that comes up, bringing up their interests incessantly in conversation

habitual defiance, lifelong problems with authority. this can range from a compulsive refusal to follow rules or directions, to doing what you’re told but loudly bitching and moaning about it the entire time behind the authority figure’s back (or even to their face). some kids might start to show this even at ages where kids haven’t usually become disillusioned with authority yet

problems knowing when Not to say something even though it’s true, as well as other problems with situational appropriacy like knowing if it’s appropriate to make a joke or mention a heavy subject

not understanding why people take disagreement so personally OR taking even small disagreements (like where to get dinner) as highly personal debates. treating every disagreement or discussion as a debate tournament

poor communication management in the opposite direction of the Stereotypical robo-autistic, such as yelling or talking way too loud and not noticing it, too many too large hand gestures, almost comically expressive face and/or voice, rambling and fast speech, an inability to mask emotions even when it’s healthy (i.e. pasting on a smile for dinner with your politically repressive grandma), and an inability to get to the point

explaining things in ways that don’t actually make sense to anyone other than themself, using turns of speech that are comprehensible but aren’t common to their native dialect or any dialect at all

anger management issues

skill at fabrications, compulsive lying

in girls, an absolute inability/outright refusal to take up less space, even when she’s aware of the societal expectation for girls to take up less space. even shy autistic jewish girls that i’ve known have taken up spaces that girls aren’t supposed to take when they feel emboldened enough.

constant, almost compulsive joke cracking, i mean even in situations like a dentist lobby or principal’s office after school

extreme impulse control or extreme worrying, i have seen very few autistic jewish people who have normal amounts of impulse control

however keep in mind that this is anecdotal evidence and all of the people in my sample come from a specific social sphere in a specific part of the united states, and also six of these people are my dad, his two children, his identical twin, and the identical twin’s two children who are genetically my half siblings. so some traits might show up more in us that aren’t actually common for most autistic jewish people

[coribennett]

// heyy so I thought to take this moment to jump on the band wagon and talk abt my own years of experience in this rp as a mod who is a woman because why not kagsvsbsj.

let's also not forget that mods were not above this bias nature either. I won't point out names or any specific characters, because hell it was years ago and I don't remember everything, and well we all did really wild things back then,, I don't think anyone was truly fully aware like that but it was something that always bothered me. the way?? sexist characters were so casual or even characters written under this kinda sexist guide??? don't get me wrong, I am soo happy and thrilled to see the improvement the rp has faced in recent times in terms of diversity both sex, race, ethnicity, or even queerness wise. the people here are truly so talented in writing and researching to represent other cultures from all around the world! but it was not always like this. almost all female characters from back in 2022/23 were unrecognizable from each other because it felt like the same copy and pasted tropes over. and over again. I can't help but ask why mods would dedicate all their interesting newfound ideas to their male characters, but the moment they brought in a woman she was either overly feminine flower cottage core girl or somebody attempting to sleep all around town?? as Cicero's mod said, these are fine traits that women can have! and they can be done well!! I am totally not against women who have freedom with their sexuality (even being a little morally ambiguous about it) or girls who are just girly girls. all great stuff. but why was this... literally the only kinda characters you'd see? (generalizing a bit here, there were def some great gal characters but it's the fact this was the majority) really made me stop and think about why such a large majority in the community would almost ALWAYS view their girl characters this way. and that's not even to mention the casual sexism that was roleplayed. it used to be so common for characters to just come up and be absolute assholes to the female characters. and ofc I don't think anyone personally supported it. but it's the fact that it was so normalized with no issue whatsoever. because hey, I had a pretty big issues with it after hearing for the 50th time that Cordelia couldn't accomplish anything or Odette was only a good whore 😭

like, I'm sorry?? but there is a line where it is overdone and gets plain annoying. to the point I think this may have even started dissuading people from making their girl characters have more important roles. ofc, most of these characters were intended to be awful people anyway, so again I don't believe anyone ooc was defending them. but I think it's important to note that ic actions can have ooc consequences. you really need to stop and consider what this will do and how this will make other people feel beyond the screen. especially because this is a community based heavily on socializing and collaboration. if you are talking firsthand to people, even through a character, you really have to consider what your actions will do.

Celia is a good headstrong character!

// AS WELL AS ALICE AND NAHLA, HOWEVER historically shit in this RP has been very different for girl and boy characters. every time i attempted to bring in a girl she was either ignored by anons or judged for stuff the men haven't or for the things they were praised for (Alice rn has NOT experienced this which i am SO thankful for). most notably off of the top of my head i can compare Marija and Jadro, they acted the exact same, their backstories are dead similar, and Jadro is basically a genderbent of Marija, yet i cannot count how much hate Marija got in the inbox when Jadro i would say has been one of my most beloved characters here. the only difference that i can count between the two is the fact she is a woman and the fact she looked more ethnic. other mods noticed this change in behavior towards women and men when it comes to anons as well, it isn't an isolated incident by far. again, i've noticed this got way better recently in MY perspective at least, but it was NOT like this for a while, and it was why i was hesitating bringing in Alice for so long.

[ohraicodoll]

Possession | Chapter 1

Chapters:  1/5 Fandom:  The Sandman (Comics & TV 2022) Rating:  Mature Relationships:  Dream of the Endless | Morpheus/Original Female Character, Dream/Reader Characters:  Dream of the Endless | Morpheus, Original Female Character, Matthew the Raven, Lucienne, Calliope, Mervyn Pumpkinhead Warnings: 18+ Minors DNI, Explicit Sexual Content, Past Abuse, Abusive Relationships, Possessive Behavior, Domestic Violence, Jealousy, Trauma Responses Tags: Complicated Relationships, General complicated feelings, Dream is an IDIOT, they both have baggage, Past Relationships, Angst, OFC: Dahlia,1st POV Summary: In which Morpheus has a temper, jealousy is a problem, and past relationships never stay in the past. 3rd in the Fragments Series  | Read on AO3 Writing Masterlist Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5  Previous in Series: Touch Starved Next in Series: Interwoven

CHAPTER 1:  Being Clever Never Got Me Very Far

( General warnings for this chapter: sexual content, toxic relationships, mentions of abuse)

Balancing the waking world and the Dreaming remained a challenge and one that Lord Morpheus wasn’t making any easier. Despite his admonishments about the negative impacts of Dream Walking on my everyday life, he had effectively shoved that under the rug now that he had me to himself every night. It was hard to focus on keeping up mundane things like a job and bills and friendships when at night you could travel anywhere and see anything plus had an immortal being driving you nuts in the best possible way. The vibrant colors of the waking world, revitalized by meeting Dream, had started to gray again and I was having to force myself to keep to normal sleeping hours and not waste the day away. The laundry was piling up, dishes needed to be done, and I needed to do something with myself. As much as I wished he would, I rarely saw Morpheus outside of dreams as he was still working on rebuilding his realm and attending to his duties. Occasionally, he would meet me at the café he’d surprised me at so long ago, both when I thought he was going to kill me and after our first time together. I had to get over my awkwardness at being the only one to eat, but he drank coffee and would tell me about the lives of the people that walked passed. He knew their dreams just by looking at them and in turn, knew their lives. My mind wandered to Lucienne’s library, to my small book kept there and its blank pages. Maybe that was part of his fascination with me, that he didn’t know my life. Everything was nice. It wasn’t healthy to be around each other 24/7 afterall and he had a job to do, same as me. Just on vastly different scales. Besides, he had no obligation to see me. We were casual lovers, or fuck buddies as I had deemed us crudely once, something he took offense to but didn’t necessarily argue against. He craved affection even if he didn’t say so with words. My need to be around him was just the newness of it, that constant pull to be next to him and touch him. It was a mutually beneficial relationship that lacked any sort of commitment. Dream of the Endless had seen all there was, had existed longer than most of the stars. It was hard not to be enraptured by that. So I forced myself to be good with what I got. It would fade and I would be able to be more productive, balance things better. I had begun to write again or attempt to, with Lucienne’s encouragement that my work was good. I had a lot of mental and emotional blocks when it came to writing, ones I didn’t want to get into yet, and I was grateful to have support both in the waking world and the Dreaming. More effort was put into my job at the book publisher, taking on more responsibilities in the hope that when I did have something decent I could show them. I even let Anissa, my coworker, take me to after work drinks though I suspect it was mostly an attempt to get me to spill the details on Morpheus or to get me to date one of our coworkers. She had been the one to encourage having some “fun” after my breakup and I was very bad at hiding that I had, in fact, followed that advice. Just not in the way she suspected. Things were okay. They were fine. But it was only a matter of time before our own hang ups would begin to surface. My life, my history, was unknown to him and I was a bit grateful. I’m not sure how I would feel if he knew everything about me and I knew hardly anything from him. It also meant he couldn’t see all the baggage there. We both had it. He had said he had had past relationships, obviously from being eons old, had told me about Killala that first talk while comparing cheating exes. Had bonded over mutual pain and disrespect. But beyond that, the details of our lives remained blank to each other. Stories and nothing more. I should have noticed when I saw maintenance go in and out of my neighbor Janine’s apartment that she had moved out. She had downright started avoiding me at all costs after I caught her in my bed with my then boyfriend, Thomas. The same boyfriend whose dream I then went into and broke one of the rules, smashing everything to bits and causing Morpheus to find me for the first time. I guess I should have thanked her for the introduction if she wasn’t a miserable hag. I’d seen her dreams, seen the countless escapades she had all the while knowing they were attached and she didn’t care. If she had wanted Thomas, she could have him. But now, I was mostly relieved that she was finally gone and I could walk through the hallway of my complex with ease. Coming home after work, my neck ached from stress and I towed off my shoes at the door, dropping my bag to the ground in a heap. Taking on more responsibilities at work meant my brain was mush by the time I made the walk home and it was a lesson in focus to not just daydream the day away. I had the whole weekend ahead though which meant I didn’t have to set an alarm and could stay in the Dreaming however long I wanted. It sounded divine after the stressful week I had. I was finally getting the hang of Dream Walking after a few more actual lessons from Morpheus, though he still loved to distract me. I was even getting better at doing it without using doors, even if my aim wasn’t always accurate and I had to bounce around a few times. If the dreamlord wasn’t with me, I still liked to imagine them because it was easier on my brain. Tonight I was going to explore more of the Dreaming beyond just Morpheus’ chambers and he could come along or mope on his own. A knock sounded at the door just as I was about to change out of my work dress, causing me to pause. No one ever came to visit. The number of friends I had could be counted on one hand, I had no family, and no one I knew made unexpected social calls. Frowning, I padded quietly over to the door and stood on my toes to look through the peephole at whoever was knocking. Maybe maintenance got the wrong door or something. You gotta be fucking kidding me. Thomas stood there, brown hair disheveled and button up shirt wrinkled. Even through the tiny window, he looked pathetic and I was almost certain it was on purpose. He liked to be prim and proper, even outside of work, unless he wanted something. The man had hardly ever had anything bad happen to him so he liked to play at being a victim whenever he could. It was mind boggling now, two months later, that I had stayed with him for over a year. “Then why did you stay with him?” Morpheus’ words bounced back in my head. Because he wasn’t the worst. Because he was interested in me. Because I was dumb and lonely and he made the world colorful at least for a bit. But even looking back now, that color paled in comparison to anything I felt now. I had blocked him from everything after waking up from his dream, the image of the King of Dreams sitting in the corner of an imagined bar after I had smashed everything to bits still fresh. Thomas had tried to reach out, though not very hard, but I ignored him and even when he showed up to my workplace, reception had shooed him away. It wouldn’t have surprised me if his attention had then turned to Janine and now that she was gone, most likely kicking him to the curb, here he was. I chewed on my lip, debating what I should do. Knocks reverberated through the door again, louder this time and I winced. “Dahlia, please, I know you’re in there,” his muffled voice shouted through the wood. I groaned inwardly. Fuck, if Matthew had been keeping an eye on him or me still then he at least could had warned me Thomas was coming. He knocked again and I knew my neighbors were going to get curious if he kept it up. “Dahl, please. Just hear me out!” Thomas shouted, a pathetic edge to his voice. I wanted to slam my head into the door, bemoaning my luck. Bracing myself, I sighed and unlocked the door, opening it only partly and blocking the view into the apartment. “What?” I bit out with pressed lips and annoyance painting my face. The guy looked worse closer up, shirt a mess and eyes a little bloodshot. He also reeked of booze which sent my body on high alert instantly. Anxiety and fear, old and familiar, sank into my bones. “Please,” he repeated, taking a step towards the door, “Can I come inside so we can talk?” “No,” I crossed my arms and leaned against the door jam, teeth clenched. My patience with him was thin and after time apart, my backbone had strengthened again. I had put up with a lot, hadn’t screamed or raged in his face when I had caught him naked in my bed. He was lucky that all I did was smash his dream, which I’m sure he had no recollection of. “Dahl-” “I’m sorry, you don’t get to ask for anything from me,” the growl that left my throat cut him off, eyes slightly wide at the tone, “You can say what you want to say here or I can shut the door in your face and you can leave.” His throat bobbed as he swallowed. He had never dealt with this side of me. Most arguments between us I had let slide, not feeling up to putting in the effort and letting him get his way. It was always easier than to fight, a lesson I had learned a long time ago. But it had fueled his ego and he thought me to be small and docile. That part I was willing to claim was my fault, but now- now I had teeth and I wasn’t afraid to bare them. “I’m sorry,” Thomas started, “What I did was selfish and awful and I am an asshole.” “A few months late, but so far not arguing against that,” I commented, glaring. “I miss you, Dahl,” he pressed on and stepped even closer, only a foot away now, “Please, I want us to work-” “No you don’t,” I cut him off. The indignation was plain on my face as I sneered at him, “You made your choice, Thomas. There is no working it out. You fucked another person in my home and are barely putting in the effort to apologize now? You’re not sorry, you just want me to be your safety net because you thought I was a pushover.” That barely concealed anger was in his eyes and he shoved a hand through his shaggy hair, “That’s not true. I love you-” “Oh get the fuck out of here with that bullshit,” I scoffed, finally fed up with wasting my time and hearing the crap pouring out of his mouth, I moved to shut the door. But his foot shot out, blocking the way, and before I could process it he had pushed into the apartment and shut the door behind him. The movement had been fast, calculated, and I cursed myself for even opening the door and not just calling security to kick him out. Even though he smelled of alcohol, his motor functions were still sharp and I should have made sure my guard stayed up. I knew better. Now my heart was hammering and I stepped back, putting space between us as he blocked the door. My mind tried to run through a dozen different scenarios, strategies, paths to either get him out or get away. There was pepper spray in my bag, I could run for it or the bedroom and lock myself in, under the couch was a baseball bat I kept just in case. He was drunk and could never take no for an answer and I should have been more aware. Thomas raised his hands like he was calming a riled horse, placating but voice desperate, “I only want to talk, you won’t let me talk! Please, you need to hear me out.” “I don’t have to do anything, Thomas,” my voice was steady but firm, one foot sliding behind me so I could pivot for the bedroom if I needed to, “You are going to get the fuck out of my apartment. Now.” “Stop, Dahlia, I want you back!” Though he was pleading, his hands clenched and unclenched and annoyance vibrated through him at my continual refusal, “I’m not leaving until you listen.” His eyes were wild and I knew he was on that edge of being reasonable or doing something we both may regret. Men like him didn’t consider consequences because they had never experienced them and that made him dangerous. I felt the slight breeze first before the ripple of power swelled over my skin, blanketing it and wrapping me in its first embrace while blazing through the room in hot fury. I didn’t have to turn to look behind me to know Morpheus was standing there, anger coming off him in waves and presence darkening the doorway. My breath caught in my throat. I had only ever felt his actual anger once, in the nightmare where we finally confronted each other. It had been all encompassing, those black eyes piercing right into my soul and stars bright enough it could burn me away. I watched hesitantly as a bit of fear entered Thomas’ eyes at last and though I knew I shouldn’t, I felt satisfaction at seeing it there. The Dream King entered the room from the bedroom where he definitely had not been a few minutes ago and stepped quietly next to me, hand brushing mine and long black coat grazing my legs from his proximity. Too close to be casual, definitely not after leaving my bedroom, and a clear outward sign of who he was to me. Thomas tried to hold his ground and kept his chin raised but I could see the tension there as he looked back and forth between us and took him in. The brown haired man didn’t stack up, could never compare. Morpheus was a storm at my side, voice quiet but powerful, “You will leave, Thomas McNara. Now.” I resisted the urge to look up at him, could easily feel the building anger he was holding back the longer my ex didn’t do as he commanded. He was dangerous, a volcano ready to devastate, and it was all targeted at one person. But Thomas was never the smartest and was too dumb to know when to back down. Brown eyes swiveling back to me, he scoffed and scrunched up his face incredulously, “Are you serious, Dahl? This is who you got with-” The one step forward the dreamlord took was enough to cut him off, the air growing thin in the room as Dream advanced and snarled, “Keep silent. You have ignored every word she has spoken, disrespected her, and entered her home uninvited. You are pitiful.” Morpheus glared down at him, blue eyes dark as he looked down his nose at the human whose bravado was crumpling by the second. Energy crackled and in that moment, even in the waking world, he looked every bit the ancient, powerful being that he was. Thomas could see it then, that he had drawn the attention of something that was far greater than he could ever imagine and had its ire. “I have seen your dreams, Thomas McNara,” the Lord of Dreams hissed and took another step towards him, “You treat women as toys and want what you cannot have. I assure you, she is not yours to possess and never will be again. Leave now and count yourself lucky I am being merciful for her sake for I could do far, far worse . ” Thomas’ brown eyes almost flicked to mine but he kept himself from looking at me, face pale with fear and sweat sliding down his temple. One step, then two, and he backed away to the apartment door and left, fumbling along the way and tripping out the door into the hallway. The door shut with a loud bang that echoed through the space. The tension didn’t immediately leave now that we were alone. Dream was a bow string pulled too tight, threatening to unleash at any moment. I swallowed hard and reminded my brain that the rage was in my defense and not directed at me. I didn’t have anything to fear from him, but I had never dealt with this kind of anger easily. I blinked and it was someone else standing in his stead, fists clenched tight and eyes drilling holes into my skin as if he could skin me alive with just a look. I blinked again and the image melted away, leaving just the King of Dreams standing with his back to me with his coat so black it looked like the abyss. Taking a few deep breaths, I grounded myself and focused on what was happening now, trying to forget the brief flash of memory. With a few steps, Dream’s coat was within reach and I gently trailed my fingers down his shoulder and arm until cool skin met mine. He didn’t react at first, hands hanging at his side, but I slowly intertwined one hand with his and gave it a squeeze as I rested my cheek against his shoulder blades. In a breath, the tension slowly seeped from him and I hugged him fully from behind, able to breathe easier as his power pulled back into him and the air cleared. “Are you okay?” I asked into his coat, hand in his and the other wrapped tightly around his waist from behind. He was so thin, but lean muscles tensed along his back and under my cheek. He was always the one to wrap himself around me, so the change in stance was new and one I enjoyed. A dark chuckle left him and I could feel the reverberations through his back, “Am I not supposed to ask you that instead?” I hugged him tighter and felt comforted when his free hand caressed my arm gently and he sank into the touch, “I’m okay, I’m safe, nothing happened. I haven’t ever seen him that…crazed, but he was just drunk. Even if you didn’t show up, I could have gotten him out. But thank you for coming to defend my honor, your highness.” I made my tone as light as possible, joking in the hopes he would come down from his anger if he saw that I wasn’t freaking out. I could practically hear the thoughts churning in his mind, replaying the situation over and over again, but at last, he relaxed. Keeping my hand in his, he turned to face me and pressed a kiss to the back of my hand. I could see it now, the remnants of whatever Thomas had seen and feared. Though his eyes were still blue, the endless night sky peaked there, fathomless and encompassing and terrifying. His skin had paled to that marble tone he had in the Dreaming, lips pressed in a thin line. He looked like a god, glorious and terrible. My heart raced as I took him in and I found it hard to swallow, knowing that this otherworldly creature held interest in me, had come to make sure I was safe. “She is not yours to possess.” The words echoed through me as I stared at him, a complicated feeling bouncing around. He noticed brow furrowing and a hand coming to rest on my cheek, elegant pianist fingers brushing my bangs from my eyes, “I can recognize when something is troubling you. What is it?” I chewed on my bottom lip, trying to think. Our relationship was…strange. Seeing an anthropomorphic personification came with zero rules unlike every other relationship I’d been in. There was no talking about what we were, boundaries, commitments. Exclusivity. We’d simply gone along with it, letting attraction and desire lead us, but feelings were avoided. Feelings were going to remain avoided, but him coming and stepping in. That had been something. I realized it then that it wasn’t fully rage he had been feeling or that had caused him to bare his teeth at Thomas. It was possessiveness. “You said-” I swallowed, trying not to choke on the words, “you said I wasn’t his to have.” Those blue eyes of his had settled, becoming more human-like, but I could see the flash of want and apprehension there, “Was I wrong?” Despite my trepidation, heat pooled low in my belly at the tone, “I don’t know, you tell me.” He stepped closer, chest pressed against mine and hand trailing down from my cheek to lightly wrap around my neck. My heart beat loudly in my ears and my body was tingling, sensitive to each touch of his skin on mine and shooting lightning down my nerve endings. Possessiveness had always been a double edged sword for me. Too much was toxic, restricting, frightening. Had destroyed me one suspicious look at a time and caused so much pain. But on the other hand, I wanted to be Dream’s. Wanted to know that I had been deemed worthy enough of the Lord of Dreams’ attention and not only that, that he wanted me all to himself. His head lowered, nose skimming along mine and breath mingling there, “While you are your own person, little dreamer, and are free to do as you wish, I will warn you- I do not share.” The words were low and dark and trailed along my skin like the edge of a feather, making me swallow a moan. “I give you this choice now, Dahlia Morrowland, ” Morpheus continued, my name whispered along my lips as he tilted my chin up to meet his eyes under lowered lids, baring the long expanse of my neck, “If you wish to have other lovers, we can end this game now. You are welcome in the Dreaming, in my palace, and I will not fault you. I will not deny you my presence… but if you wish for us to continue, I am afraid I will not be able to help myself. You will be mine and mine alone.” I shivered at the dark promise, breath catching in a way I’m sure he knew. My skin felt tight and hot and all I could focus on was the simple loose wrap of his fingers on my neck like he was branding me. His words rattled through me, setting flame the parts of me I wished for him to touch. I managed to swallow and meet his gaze, the heady want there reflected in my own, “I’m not ending this. And just so you know, I don’t share either. You are mine, dreamlord, if you wish to be.” He smirked, the slightest tilt of his lips, at the declaration before tightening his grip on my neck and pulling me to him, lips crushing. It was his own answer, his own agreement. Yes, yes, he did wish for that. My hand left his and wrapped around his neck as I stood on my toes to reach him, tongue delving into his mouth and moaning into him. His own caressed mine, sucking and teasing while completely devouring me. Dream in the waking world was different than in the Dreaming. He was tangible, real, made of true flesh, tasting of honey and mint, and smelling of early morning rain. And for the first time, he was in my apartment. He was mine. Mine. And I was his and it felt like too much and not enough all at once. The Dream King trailed his hands to my thighs and in a quick move, lifted me, my legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as he carried my weight easily. The hard press of his arousal was against me and I gasped into his mouth as he pushed me against the wall, back jolting at the contact. He deepened the kiss, ravenous and impatient. It was a frenzy of teeth and lips, his mouth leaving mine to kiss his way down my neck as his lips sucked at the pulse there. His teeth bit gently and I moaned, heat shooting through me sharp and sudden. The skin would be dark and apparent tomorrow, I knew that, but something deep and primal was pleased at the mark. Let them see. My fingers ran through his hair, dark and soft, and lightly grazed my long nails along his scalp until he moaned against me to my satisfaction. I had learned that he loved the feel of nails scratching, the sharpness against his skin, and his head was extra sensitive. He rocked against me and I hissed at the feel of him against me, separated my layers of clothing. I unwrapped my legs from his waist and braced myself, hands going to his jeans to get them unbuttoned and off of him. His own hands went to the hem of my dress, squeezing my exposed thighs and finding my drenched underwear. I moaned loudly as he cupped my sex, savoring the arousal wetting the fabric there. Running fingers up and down the thin covering, I gasped and twitched at how sensitive I was already. I was trembling, fingers shaking as I finally got his pants free and pulled the zipper down. We were getting impatient, the real world limitations meaning he couldn’t just magic our clothes away. With a quick jerk, he ripped the panties off easily, dropping the scrap of fabric to the floor as I lowered his jeans and freed his pulsing erection from them. “Excuse you. I liked those,” I growled at him. My hand wrapped around his cock, pleased with the way he jerked into my hand and hissed out a moan under his breath. His skin was the texture of velvet, soft to the touch but hard in my hand, and I savored each delicious stroke and ragged breath that left Morpheus’ mouth. My mind could only focus on the feeling of him and the words mine, mine mine over again. “You can easily acquire more later, though wearing none around me would be preferred,” the dreamlord gritted out, fingers in my hair and clenching my thigh tightly as I moved my hand over him steadily. I smirked, watching his eyes close against my ministrations, thumb rubbing the tip of his erection and sliding the precum there over him, “You going to buy me some with your fake money?” My palm squeezed him and a moan slid from his mouth, raw and wanting. He turned his head and his lips met mine in a frantic rush, tongue warring and fighting for dominance. Impatient, Dream pulled my hand off of him and gripped my thigh, lifting it around his waist and sheathing into me in one fast thrust. There was no foreplay, no slow build. The move was quick and hard, an edge of pain tingeing it at the feeling of him, large and buried to his base suddenly filling me. I was tight around him, each glorious inch filling me completely. The pain faded quickly though it only served to amplify the pleasure, as he pressed me firmly against the wall and fucked me hard. The angle was delectable, hitting the perfect spot inside me every time, and I couldn’t  stop the cries that poured from my lips as he pulled out almost fully then rammed back in. I could only hang on. He still wore his coat and shirt, both of us not even fully unclothed, and my nails dug into the fabric. Feeling the friction of his clothes against my sensitive skin heightened the pleasure while my own skirt was pushed up around my waist. He grunted with each desperate thrust, lips against my throat as he bit and sucked and tasted my skin. The brink of my orgasm was coming fast as I drowned in the rapture and ecstasy, body pulsing and clenching around him. He went harder, faster, pouring all his want and possessiveness into me. Each hard thrust branded my skin with the word mine , each kiss claiming, and each mark on my body a sign that I was with the King of Dreams and would be his alone. It should have scared me, having this type of attention from someone like him. It had scared me with lesser men. I had bucked and thrashed against the possessiveness before, had feared it, but with him I drank it down. Because even as he claimed me, he willingly let me claim him as well, offered himself up to me as equals. And so I wrapped my arms tight around him, rode the waves of my orgasm as it crashed into me and ripped his name from my mouth. Stars exploded behind my eyes, nebulas swarming, and I felt like I was floating in a storm I had no control of. He followed soon, giving a final hard thrust before releasing into me with a groan. His lips still lingered on my skin and sweat clung to both of us, the straps of my dress askew and his collar half upturned from my grabbing. We both looked completely and thoroughly fucked and at that thought, I couldn’t help but laugh. The reaction caused my body to clench around him and he grunted into my skin. Dream’s fingers soothed the skin of my thigh before helping me to lower it from his waist, both of us unable to keep from letting out a small groan as the movement shifted our sensitive bodies. It pleased me that I wasn’t the only one with a worn out body. His gaze met mine with a raised brow, skin now a warmer shade and eyes settled. I just grinned at him, wide and unrestrained, tongue between my teeth, “Hi.” With a quirk of his lips light-heartedly and something like affection gentling his face, he replied softly, “Hello.” I gave him a tender kiss, lips dragging against his and savoring their taste, before pulling back, “I guess we can cross off having sex for the first time in the waking world off the list. Along with wall sex. Very efficient work, your highness, good job.” Caught between amusement and confusion, furrowed his brow quizzically, “A list, little dreamer?” Giving a half-hearted shrug, I smiled up at him, “Less a list, more like ideas.” Morpheus’ eyes darkened and I could almost feel him hardening inside me. I knew then that I was doomed. Because there was nothing the Lord of Dreams liked more than a challenge and he was more than willing to make sure we thoroughly explored all those ideas of mine along with a few of his. The evening was spent in my apartment as he claimed me over and over again, worshiping every part of me and leaving no part of me unmarked. And I did the same in turn. I didn’t know what it meant fully as we didn’t discuss feelings or what being with each other meant, but I was okay with what I did know and what I was given. That would be something to think about later.

[rae-blogging]

Okay Indian serials what the actual fuck (Tw mentions of assault, violence, cursing maybe?)

First, the basic storyline of every fucking indian serial ever: A misogynistic man (he is forever droning on about how women are not trustworthy, fickle, horrid things like...get help?! All characters around him are concerned and will once in a while say deep stuff like: That's not true 🥺😢 and immediately give up when he goes on a tragical journey to the past and generalises all women because his mother/ex/best friend fucked him/his father over) and a woman who makes him believe all women are bitches except her. The dude can be a horrible person in general, but he'll usually be unrealistically rich for someone who goes to work four times during 400 episode run of the show, he is a wrist grabbing, hand tugging, forever irritable, childish, immediately jumping to conclusions jerk whose only 'redeeming quality' is that he doesn't assault women, sure he'll come close a few times and it's supposed to make the audience empathise with the plight of the otherwise perfect female lead I suppose (I say otherwise perfect because, she has not one flaw except being too selfless which is not even a flaw, she cooks like a MasterChef, she may or may not be well educated but she's woke and kind and attentive and intelligent, so much gone to waste because of her I can fix him phase she'll forever be stuck in) but it only makes the viewers irritated (when I say viewers I'm simply projecting my views on anyone who'll listen). Anyway, you sit through the show because the leads are good looking and have great chemistry to the extent that it makes you feel iffy just watching the serial with your mother even though the closest they came to boning was the male lead zipping the female lead's sari's blouse (people have done that for me and I'm sorry but the most excitable thing that happened was my skin getting scratched). Anyway you watch the show, it's horrid and has gone completely off tracks, you wonder if the writer's are mixing it up with another show (s), the characters are inconsistent and mean (except the female lead and yet she frustrates me the most, like girl be a bitch to people who deserve it please), tracks have gone haywire and you've had your fill of the show when the news comes: a 20 year leap. You are horrified. Never again will you put yourself through this. Two days later you're invested in the story of new characters with the same names and perhaps the same faces and the same storyline. You're trapped in the Indian serial maze.

But for real though, when the male lead keeps talking about how much women suck or whatever, does no one ever question if he's gay like...? Maybe he's giving subtle hints by being an ass! It seems probable, also talks of rape ahead so - I just think it's strange that when women are assaulted by men in these shows, they're told to lean on other men (father, brother, boyfriend, best friend whatnot) for comfort, their uneasiness is not taken into account because women can't survive alone, they need men to rely upon wtf?! For men who underwent a trauma, it takes entire ass series for them to be made to understand the same, other than the forced marriage storyline which definitely always hurts the fem lead more, he's not once put into a corner and made to confront his fears forcibly. I'm not trying to pit two traumas or anything against each other, it's just so entrenched in our society to disregard women, because they barely have any chance to recover from their pain, sure maybe the guy puts his jacket around her and fights for her but that doesn't mean the pain goes away, yet she's back to normal just two episodes later because no show has the time to explore and explain justifiable fear in women especially androphobia, because it's a romantic show ofc, bit men they get a 200 episode show to have it dawn upon them that while their trauma is valid, it's not okay to actively hurt women (especially fem lead lol) and we as spectators call that a redemption arc, idk I just find it wrong, the utter dichotomy with the way we deal with these two things.

I know most shows are shitty copies of that one show that has parallels with Pride and Prejudice (*cough* ipkknd *cough*) but it sucks that we don't allow characters to flesh out, it's often the fan demands that ruin shows here tbh, like that weird kidnap sr scene in ipkknd or stretching Bepanaah beyond the finite episodes it was supposed to air for. I wish we could have a fixed plotline and number of episodes for once, unaffected by what viewers wanted so charcters could be consistent, it really gets on my nerves when characters do a full 180 for no reason, going completely against what their character was, I hate the way they handle trauma and how violence is almost always a normal thing between couples and it's okay as long he guiltily looks at the bruises on her arm/wrist later and apologises when she's asleep (Yes, I'm talking about you Beintehaa), as long as the guy is good looking and doesn't really rape the woman, he can be the anti hero but he's the protagonist and everyone around him cannot hold him accountable to his actions no matter who they are (Looking at all dadis and nanis who forcibly get their kids to marry and then pout when they see their grandson being a dick), I get that shaadis are pavitra and stuff but not when that bs gets this sadistic (every FL who sticks around in the forced marriage because of their family members, literally sit down and at least tell them you made a sacrifice for them?!)

Ugh there's so much to say. And I know I'll still watch this shit because as stupid as it sounds, I can't sit through kdramas and Cdramas because they often make me insecure about how I look, and I can't sit through an hour long episodes each where I can't actually skip scenes because that'd mean losing out on the story (ya hear that Indian serials? I can skip 6 episodes and we'd still be on the same track).

Anyway, that was it from this exhausted Indian serial viewer ig.

[scriptlgbt]

I'm wondering about bad tropes/stereotypes when writing an LGBTQ+ character being married to a non LGBTQ+ character?

Helpful term: Lavender Marriage

A lavender marriage is a [usually] male–female mixed-orientation marriage, undertaken as a marriage of convenience to conceal the socially stigmatized sexual orientation of one or both partners.

(Definition edited from Wikipedia)

Do you mean like a beard relationship (eg. a lesbian marrying a straight man for social appearances) or something else (like a bi woman marrying a straight man for love, or a trans person marrying a cis hetero person)?

Those aren't the only options either, this could be a peach fuzz relationship (where a QPR is referred to as a romantic relationship for social appearances).

Each of these things kind of come with slightly different implications. If you send an ask about more specifics, we can hone in on that better.

If I'm making a list of my Biggest Beefs with rep for this stuff in general, here's some no-nos:

allocishet characters using a partner's identity as a bargaining chip for something/otherwise weaponizing it against them. This can ofc be done if you want to make an easy villain, but it's wildly over-represented in media. I even see it depicted in relationships between two LGBTQ+ characters way too often. "Are you ashamed of me or something? People should know" is just so... Done. It's toxic. And usually closeted folks in relationships find ways to live as their true selves separately from people they want to be closeted to, at least if they have any privacy from those folks. This may be my own biases as someone whose parents aren't a part of my life anyway, but it doesn't actually seem like, at least in my experience, we deal with the same "meeting the parents" social obligation, at least overall. It might be important to a given individual and that's totally fine and normal and valid, but domestic tenderness and family is different for me.

referring to bi women in relationships with men as having "straight passing privilege" I know this is controversial for a lot of people: but this is just biphobia. (This is not up for debate here.) Hypervisibility and erasure are both shitty things with a lot of drawbacks. Even if there are situations where one acts as a variable in a good way, it's not the same as real privilege, because that variable will snap back into oppression in a different circumstance. For example, domestic violence rates against bi women are astronomically higher than both lesbians and straight women. I'm not saying this in order to say that there's any kind of WLW that has privilege over a different kind of WLW. I'm just saying that it's ignorant to call one group privileged over another just because of their relationships. We are oppressed for who we are on a fundamental level, for our desires, wants, needs, for our identities. A lesbian who never dates is still a lesbian. We don't gain privilege when we become single. It just doesn't work that way.

chasers and other fetishizers of LGBTQ+ people being treated as a good thing, or in any way condusive to a healthy relationship. [a chaser is a term for someone who fetishizes trans people. The term is sometimes heard as "tr*nny chaser" -- but I rec avoiding that version of the term unless you're reclaiming the t-slur for yourself and are qualified to do so.] It's okay to be attracted to trans people, but fetishization is subhumanizing. I wrote this article in 2016 a few years after a relationship with a chaser, covering red flags that indicate when a partner is fetishizing you. I haven't read the article over in a few years, so take it with a grain of salt, but I remember it as having some good examples of that. If you want to depict this kind of relationship as a problem, there are ways to write it responsibly. But I would strongly rec a sensitivity reader who has experienced this kind of thing, since it's easy to fuck up.

There's also just a Lot of complicated stuff around trans people in relationships with allocishet people. For even the most well-meaning, there's stuff to learn.

There's also just something different about the ways that being connected to queer culture impacts the way our relationships are carried out. I've heard a lot of bi cis + binary people talk about how their relationships with other bi people feel different on a fundamental level to relationships with straight cis binary people. (I've never dated a straight person so I can't speak to comparison, but if anybody wants to add on their own experiences, please feel encouraged to do so!)

- mod nat

[thetypedwriter]

All the Young Dudes Fanfiction Review

All the Young Dudes Fanfiction Review by MsKingBean89

So. 

This is a first. 

If you’ve been following this blog for some time, then you know I generally read young adult books and write far too lengthy reviews on them with the occasional outlier of adult fiction, mystery, sci-fi, etc. 

At any given time, I usually have both a physical book that I’ve bought from somewhere that I’m working on (right now it’s Firekeeper's Daughter by Angeline Boulley) as well as a fanfiction that I reserve until before I go to bed (my treat for a day well lived). 

Fanfiction is something that I’ve mentioned copious amounts of times on this blog in varying degrees, but this is the first time I’ll be writing an actual review for one of them on this platform. 

The reason for this is myriad. 

One, this fanfiction called All the Young Dudes is a far-cry from your normal standardized fanfiction of 5-50,000 words-something I can easily consume in a few minutes to a few hours. 

Nope, this behemoth ends on a staggering 526,969 words and 188 chapters, not including bonus chapters and extra in-universe canonical content the author has also written and published. Roughly speaking, if this was actually published onto paper it would be well over 2,000 pages. 

2,000 pages. 

Yeah. And I enjoyed every single moment of it. 

Two, while I read a lot of fanfiction I generally don’t put any of it on this blog because while I’ve dedicated it to published novels, I also usually have very simple feelings about fanfiction. My thoughts run the gambit of: It was good, it was fluffy, it was a train-wreck, so on and so forth. 

Normally my reviews are so long and wordy because I have too many thoughts about the published books that I read and I need an outlet to let them loose. 

Whether because of its longevity or because of its content, All the Young Dudes is a story I find myself having a profusion of thoughts for. Hence, the birth of this review. 

If fanfiction isn’t your thing, feel free to skip this particular review of mine (although fanfiction is a gift to this world and you should really rethink your stance on it if you don’t like it, just saying). 

Third, All the Young Dudes is well written and rivals any actual published content. 

Fourth, because of how extensive this fanfiction is, it took me over a month to read it-time I generally would have been reading something else. Instead of leaving you all hanging for a few more weeks until I finish Firekeeper's Daughter (don’t hold your breath-the book is sort of a slog for me personally right now), I decided to just take the jump and write my first-ever typedwriter review for a fanfiction. 

Fanfiction has been a part of my life for the better part of almost two decades now. It was truly something I found by accident and in retrospect, it’s insane to me that it’s still something that brings me continuous joy and happiness. 

I discovered fanfiction when I was 11-years-old and deeply obsessed with the Harry Potter fandom. 

Now, as an overall disclaimer I completely disagree with J.K. Rowling’s stances of gender and biology and differ wholeheartedly with her views of trans and non-binary individuals. With that said, I still love Harry Potter as a story and while I no longer buy anything that profits J.K. Rowling directly, I still love the fandom and the people in it, including fanworks like All the Young Dudes. 

When I was 11, the seventh Harry Potter book had yet to come out and like many other people in this time period of agony while waiting for 2007 to roll around so that I could find out what happened, I discovered fanfiction as a way to fill in that ache I was so keenly feeling. 

I found myself suddenly immersed in this world of online fiction-both good and bad-but completely entrancing all the same. 

I never left. 

That is to say, I did eventually move onto other fandoms with their own fanfiction cultures, but Harry Potter was still my first in terms of fanfiction and introducing me to the concept as a whole. 

Specifically and maybe oddly, I never found myself curious for actual fanfiction about Harry or Hermione or Ron. In my mind, I already knew what had happened to them and reading about them in fanfiction was redundant. 

In addition, the first fanfiction I just happened to come across was a Lily/James marauder era fanfiction on mugglenet.com

This idea immediately intrigued me as fans as a whole knew next to nothing about the infamous Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot and Prongs and while I knew everything I needed to about Harry Potter it was intoxicating to think that I could learn about a time before the series had existed and about characters who were important, but off screen. 

I was hooked and devoured as much as I could for most of middle school about the marauders and Lily and James’ romance in particular (I even wrote and published some of my own that will go unmentioned as they are truly really terrible). 

That being said, I haven’t read a Harry Potter fanfiction in years. I grew up and out of the fandom eventually thanks to Twilight and from there I’ve bounced from fandom to fandom as I’ve aged and consumed different things and fallen in love with different characters and different worlds. 

That isn’t to say I’ve forgotten though. 

I still remember my favorite marauder stories, my favorite Sirius Black/OFC (original female character), and my favorite baby Harry drabbles. They made such a huge impression on me and even though it’s been sixteen years, I still recall those stories with fond nostalgia and jubilation. 

Which is why it’s almost ironic that I would return to this particular time period of the marauders with All the Young Dudes. 

In a fashion that’s almost scarily full circle, I happened to be on Youtube one day and saw a recommendation video about this girl reviewing a fanfiction called All the Young Dudes. Now, youtube book reviews aren’t uncommon, but a thirty minute video for a fanfiction? Not your typical sighting. 

So out of pure curiosity, I searched All the Young Dudes fanfiction on Google and low and behold the overwhelming and top results were all for a marauder-era fanfiction by MsKingBean89. Piqued, I clicked on the link in ao3 and thought why not? 

While I’ve mainly been reading in other fandoms recently (BTS, some anime and manga, All for the Game) I had been in a little bit of a slump for finding a really good, really alluring story for some time and really didn’t think I had anything to lose by reading All the Young Dudes, especially as the more research I did, the more I found how popular it was-a plethora of videos on youtube, tiktok compilations, and dozens of fanart posts. 

Plus, it had been so long since I had read anything from my progenitor fandom and the thought of going back was strangely comforting.

Hence the journey of reading All the Young Dudes began and oh what a journey it was. 

Now, that this review is already five pages in, I should probably tell you what on earth All the Young Dudes is actually about. 

The whole story is a marauder-era fanfiction told from Remus Lupin’s POV from the summer of 1971 when Remus is 11-years-old to the summer of 1995 when he is 35-five-years-old. It is an in-depth portrayal of Remus’ time at Hogwarts from year one to year seven and then going all the way up to the start of the second wizarding world, ending around the time Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix begins. 

While already the scope makes this a massive undertaking, the author also includes all canonical content from the original series involving Remus, the Marauders, and the time period and incorporates it into her fanfiction-making it canon compliant from start to finish. 

While a very large portion of this story is not romantic, there is eventual WolfStar (Remus Lupin/Sirius Black) and if you have read the original Harry Potter series...well. You know things don't end up super dandy for these two characters in particular so you know how the story will end before it begins. 

This fanfiction left me speechless for so many reasons. 

The scope and length is frankly unbelievable. This fanfiction was published on March 2, 2017 and it was completed on November 12, 2018.

….how?

How did she manage that? I frankly have no idea, but I am in complete and utter awe at her ability to write content with such a magnitude and actually complete it. She gets an award just for that honestly. 

Not only that, but the fanfiction is actually superbly well-written. I won’t lie and say it’s the most poignant and beautiful piece of literature I’ve ever consumed, but it was consistent in its pacing, characterization, themes, motifs, and structure, which, for 2,000 pages, is an incredible achievement when you think about it. 

Speaking of characterization, everyone was So. Well. Done. 

Remus was such an interesting POV to read from and while he was compliant in every sense of the word-werewolf, prefect, bookish-MsKingBean89 added so much more to his character and fleshed him out so incredibly that it’s truly tragic that he’s not a real person. 

And to that extent, she does this with all of the characters. You see James’ optimism and leadership, Sirius’ arrogance and loyalty, Peter’s jealousy and chess skills. 

Every character was so well-rounded and real. She did an incredible job of taking the bits and pieces from the canon series and using that to build up her own flesh and blood people with motivations, likes, dislikes, dreams, and desires. 

That being said, she also had 2,000 pages to do it sooooooo it would be bad if the characters weren’t fleshed out by the end honestly. 

In addition, I really appreciated that she didn’t just focus on Remus, Sirius, James and Peter. Lily Evans played a critical role in Remus’ school life and after and so did the other Gryffindor girls like Marlene and Mary. 

Too often, the focus is on the boys and their close friendship and while that was a huge focus, we also get to see Remus develop friendships with the girls in his own right and other friends as well that were often OC’s of the author’s. 

Now. OC’s are generally something I dislike. I’m reading fanfiction to read about particular characters that I’ve sought after, not to read about some imaginary cast. However, just like any of the canon characters, all of the OC characters were well-developed and played crucial roles in Remus’ development-while either at Hogwarts or after-and I found myself not minding them in the least. In a few cases (Grant) I actually really loved them. 

The biggest draw for this fanfiction for me was Remus’ time at Hogwarts. It was so well-written and incredibly descriptive and I found myself thrust back into the world of magic so suddenly and seamlessly that it was like I never left. 

MsKingBean89 includes so many intricate details and builds up the world so beautifully that I’d recommend any Harry Potter fan to consume it, just to get some good Hogwarts material out of it. 

Another thing I greatly appreciate about this fanfiction was the slow burn. I’ve read slow burn before (All for the Game trilogy anybody?), but this truly took the cake. Sirius and Remus don’t properly get together until the end of year six going into year seven. That’s over 100 chapters in. 

100 chapters out of 188. 

Meaning that over half of this beast doesn’t have the main pairing even together. For some people, this could be a drawback. You might think to yourself: It takes how long for them to confess their feelings and stop being prats?

A very, very long time. 

However...it didn’t bug me. I like slow burn to begin with, but being along for the ride as Remus goes from being a child to an adolescent with unrequited feelings to being in a relationship with someone he loves is so rewarding and fulfilling that the 100 previous chapters are completely and utterly worth it. 

MsKingBean89 develops them so well and so carefully that the payoff is so sweet and satisfactory that it's enough to bring the tears right then and there. 

The last huge feat of this fanfiction for me was the author’s dedication to canon not just confined to Hogwarts and the Harry Potter books, but also to the time period. Either she lived through the 70’s and 80’s herself or she had done her due diligence when it comes to research because anything from London anti-gay laws to British slang was commonplace in her fic. 

I found it completely amazing how she was able to tie in real-time historical and cultural moments like famous singers and movies playing at the time alongside convoluted muggle politics warring with the wizarding ones. 

I was so blown away by the accuracy and genuine love behind this fic that it often brought me out of my own mind to simply ponder once again how much work this was and how well she was delivering it. 

Even unpleasant things, like homophobia and bigotry, are dealt with in a very carefully constructed way that is aligned with the time period in which the story takes place. 

Unfortunately, everything beautiful is not without flaws and All the Young Dudes is not the exception, although it’s flaws are nary compared to its achievements. 

The few complaints I have with this fic are honestly quite negligible. 

First, there are a few grammatical and punctuation errors. Very few, but I did notice some. 

Next, and again, this complaint is really just me whining, but...the end of the fic was really fucking sad. The end of this whole story took me so much time to complete simply because I didn’t want to read it. 

I know what happened during the first wizarding war and I also know what ended it (James and Lily Potter dying, Harry being shipped off to the Dursley’s, Sirius imprisoned for a murder he didn’t commit, Peter presumed dead) and in one fell swoop Remus lost everything and everyone he ever loved. 

After spending over 1,500 pages of Remus growing to love these people it is absolutely devastating and heart-breaking to see him lose it all. 

The last handful of chapters are just really, really sad and it makes me wonder why MsKingBean89 decided to write it in the first place. Frankly, I don't know why she didn't write about Remus’ time at Hogwarts and stop after graduation because we all know what happens after that and none of it is good. 

Looking back, I wish I could time travel and tell myself to stop at chapter 150. I truly didn’t need to read about the tragedies that happened after that and the hell that all of the characters go through. 

And while it does end on a….sort of kind of maybe positive (?) note with Sirius and Remus reuniting briefly once the events of Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban take place, it was really tainted and bittersweet for me knowing that in a year Sirius would die and Remus would marry his fucking cousin and have a child. 

Urgh. 

I just can’t. 

That being said, I understand it’s not the author’s fault and I’m not saying it is. She wrote a canon compliant fic to the end and it was my choice to continue reading. That being said, she said she ended it before the events of Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix because Sirius and Remus are happy and back together and she didn’t want to write what was coming next if she continued. 

I truly, truly get that. 

But in the same vein, why even write the events of the first wizarding world to begin with then? I’m confused with that response as it doesn’t make much sense to me. I felt like ending it right then and there was not a happy ending. They’re together, yes, but at this point they are both shells of who they used to be. Both have severe trauma and PTSD and frankly I don’t even know if I agree with them being together just because they’ve put each other through so much. 

It’s just an interesting choice at the end of the day in terms of the author. 

Once again, however, I truly understand that she can do whatever she wants and that she doesn’t owe anyone anything, especially as she’s writing this for free and just because. So please keep in mind that although I’m complaining, I truly understand how fortunate we are to even have this fic in the first place. 

Okay. 

Secondly, my only other huge complaint is that MsKingBean89 made Remus gay. Not bi, not pan. Gay. 

You could argue that Remus just calls himself gay in the fanficiton as he didn’t know about other kinds of sexuality. You could argue that Remus’ sexuality changes and develops as he ages and experiences trials and tribulations. You could argue that it was a sign of times like so much else in this fic. 

I frankly just found it to be a frustrating choice as the fic is canon compliant and even though it ends before the events of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows we know that Remus eventually marries Tonks and has a baby son named Teddy Lupin. 

How does that make sense?

I tried very, very hard to come up with some sort of feasible explanation for how a gay man would have ended up with the love of his life’s female cousin and truly could not think of one that was not fucked up to some degree. 

Again. I know I’m being nit-picky, but it irked me that she made this choice regarding Remus’ sexuality and essentially ended her fic with Remus stuck in a corner regarding how the series actually ends. 

At the end of the day, all of the negatives are truly, truly not important. I’m just whinging to whine and to express my thoughts, but I do once again understand that MsKingBean89 isn’t profiting from this fic and that she can do what she wants as is her prerogative. 

I hope I was able to express that while I understand that, I can still be frustrated with some of the choices she made. 

To wrap this all up, All the Young Dudes is a masterpiece and is a must-read for anyone who loves Harry Potter, the Marauders, or Wolfstar. I was blown away by the sheer magnitude, the love and care she put into her craft, the slow and deliberate development of all the characters, the beautifully constructed love between Sirius and Remus, and the intricate world-both muggle and magic-that surrounded the story like a cocoon. 

I am so happy I found this fic and I truthfully am floundering at what to do with myself next. If you have any more current Marauder era fics that I’ve missed out in the past eleven years, please don’t hesitate to let me know. 

Recommendation: Go read All the Young Dudes. For weeks, you will cry, you will laugh, you will despair, and you will smile. This fanfiction will make you wish this was canon and in my mind, it now is. 

Score: 8/10

Links:

1. All the Young Dudes on ao3 

2. The Youtube Video about All the Young Dudes that made me aware of its existence 

[mevekagvain]

Chapter 93 - Fancy chair, love it.

- So my theory is that Raizel just never learnt how to write in Lukedonian either.

- Tbh the janitor is suspicious. Like how hard was he googling M-21?

Chapter 94 - SUYIIIIIIIIIIII

- Ah geez the first of the racistly depicted characters.

Chapter 96 - Suyi getting mad at the kids for complaining about Hansu is so funny like when she first appears you think she's perhaps a stuck up celebrity or a pushover but it turns out she's just a really sweet friend.

- Suyi being stunned by Rai's looks but not falling for him (same with Yuna) is one of the things I always liked about Noblesse. Like sure in the first meeting they get blushy but I'll just jot that down to the inherent beauty of nobles since I can't relate to it at all.

Chapter 97 - Frankenstein's house always being stocked with so much food because the kids just started coming over daily is hilarious. Even funnier since Frankenstein obviously thinks it's overkill but is the one stocking up anyway.

Chapter 98 - Regis and Seira 🥺 Seira's og outfit was the best one she had like it only goes downhill from here folks.

Chapter 99 - It would have been so funny if Frankenstein went "they must be cosplayers" instead of realising the two were nobles.

- Regis taking all the initiative shows how it's his roadtrip coming of age journey which is pretty clever. Also Seira's just like that but still.

- Shinwoo stop exercising in class bro. Do not flex on the rest of us this is so rude 😭😭😭

- Regis confidently saying he's a noble in class to humans he doesn't plan on mind controlling... Baby boy why are you so dumb? How is this hiding your identity??? And Seira just lets him,,, good for her.

Chapter 100 - Ah yes their elegance boner at seeing Raizel... nobles are so fucking weird.

- M-21 thinking he won't get any information because of his time at the Union and thus being surprised at how open Frankenstein is is actually really sweet. Like yeah I still think Frankenstein is an unethical and questionable person but he is kind to most humans (werewolves and nobles can go fuck themselves I guess lmao).

Chapter 101 - The second hand embarrassment I felt when M-21 called the two noblesse... how do I even consume content?

- Yeah 100% most union members don't know the difference between nobles and vampires. I bet they'd classify jiangshi as either mutants or werewolves. Or to be more specific, that would be the classification given to low leveled members. On one hand I think it's dumb that the Union gives members twisted information because how would they even use it? But on the other hand it makes sense since it prevents said members from seeking nobles for help. After all, if they believe even the 'noblesse' are vampires that drink blood, than obviously they won't see them as possible escape routes.

- 'Noblesse only applies to one person'. Yeah because Rai's brother is fucking dead. And so is whoever was his predecessor/parent.

Chapter 102 - Those bullies got backup so fucking fast like Shinwoo literally just asked Regis and Seira if they were okay then boom! They're back.

Chapter 103- Regis going ??? essentially when Shinwoo tells him to take care of Seira is so funny like yes ofc he's confused she's literally a clan leader + noble females aren't physically weaker + noble women work out just like the men.

- Rude, Regis. You can't just ask someone why they're mingling among humans. You're doing that too. Who doesn't mingle among humans smh. Even cats and pigeons mingle with us.

Chapter 105 - Love how everyone else in the household is so sick of ramyeon like Raizel stop please you're being selfish.

Chapter 106 - Frankenstein is the definition of the 'right in front of my salad?' meme at Regis and M-21 arguing at the dinner table. Then there's Seira and Raizel just waiting for the noodles to get soggy so he can't even eat. Wish Urokai could see him getting tortured like this.

- The soldier rejecting backup because he knows the enemy is the Union hurts my heart. Wanting to prevent casualties... iwi

Chapter 107 - Shark how tf do you not know about South Korea? That's one of the asian countries people actually know about. I guess maybe it's because this is from around a decade back? K-pop is more recent and made the country more visible I guess.

- Ah yes Takeo. Forever known as "the first time I read Noblesse and he appeared I thought he was Marie's sister since they had the same hairstyle". Like I thought that before even learning about the Aris Taivra fiasco. My power 😔

- Oh don't worry M-21, Frankenstein stopped experimenting on people 830 years ago. You know, as one does.

Chapter 108 - Shark has like no general knowledge. Geography? History? Tf is that I guess.

- Tao saying they're the worst possible people for the job is so funny like yeah he's right. "All we do is massacre people in warzones why are we in Seoul?"

- The rest of the squad complain or are confused about the peace meanwhile Takeo is vibing. He's the normal guy TM of the group.

- Ah yes noble lore. If you take canon at face value than the fact that nobles were around when humans first emerged and there being about 2-3 clan leaders before the current generation means you can estimate their lifespan. Ofc it differs wildly depending on how you interpret the 'first humans' part. I'll assume there were 3 generations before the current generation (mvp lord being the third generation) and won't be adding the current generation since a 0.5-2k years is kinda meaningless. I'll also be assuming that mvp lord entered eternal sleep at around the same age as his predecessors and that he would have died soon from old age anyway (since canonically they do have limited lifespans). If we assume it's just the first human ancestors (7 million years ago) than the average pureblood lifespan is 2.33 million years. If we assume it's when homo sapiens started to emerge (300k years ago) than it's 100k years. If it's about modern humans (130k years ago) than it's 43.3k years. Regardless I'll ignore it since my hcs are that nobles are effectively immortal unless killed and that the 2-3 clan leaders is a misconception due to a mix of Gechutel just straight up lying, because there are clans that have had fewer clan leaders, because I have nobles settling on Lukedonia only 30k years ago, and because Gechutel is factoring in his own age of 10.2k so it's more like 'There have been 2-3 Ru clan leaders before the Ru clan leader 10k years ago since after we settled in Lukedonia'. There's also the possibility that nobles didn't have lords or clan leaders until a few thousand years ago in canon but the species has existed for much longer.

- 'Nobles are individualistic... They don't despise humans but don't love them either.' Humans w/ ants. Now if the ants were capable of speaking with us it'd be exactly the same situation.

Chapter 109 - "What were they researching here?" Since when does the Union research anything aside from human modifications Kranz? Why do you even need to ask? More seriously this means that the Union doesn't actually only do human experimentation and weapons lmao. The other shit just isn't relevant I guess. It's a shame, I'd have loved to see how a lab focused on like, fixing up polluted waters, would be fit into the story.

- The fact that Tao beat Jake up is never mentioned enough. Also confirms that Jake was lying out of his ass about being the strongest.

- Marie being the weakest assassination squad member is interesting like I know why Crombel doesn't need bodyguards as the reader but you'd think the Union would be suspicious of him not having a stronger bodyguard. Also I still can't believe the Union doesn't bother learning who the members are aside from the ones Crombel tells them about like. Bro???

- Shark calling Takeo uptight is hilarious because the guy literally just shot the falling ceiling light which is the opposite of uptight. Either he was preventing them from getting hurt/being caught or he wanted that to happen considering the fact that he shot it and it shattered. And then he just goes back to leaning against the wall. Takeo please 🤣

Chapter 110 - And Shinwoo's still staying over at Ikhans place. Wonder when he's gonna move back. I really love their dynamic like yeah I beg my sister to get me food all the time too. Also love the apron and skeleton hoodie.

- Shinwoo went through the five stages of grief pretty quick huh? Like yeah it's his own misunderstanding that Ikhan is dating someone but still. Homophobia is annoying as always though.

Chapter 111 - Suyi paying for their food is so sweet of her and also I relate so much like yeah mood that's me and no I don't want to be paid back.

- Takeo,,, the fact that he just hands his wallet over because he doesn't like violence and doesn't want to beat them up,,, my heart. Otoh... how did he even get cornered in an dark shady alleyway lmao.

- Aris managing to make herself look like a teenager as Taivra is interesting since Takeo says he wants her to be able to go to school like Yuna and Shinwoo when he's treating them. I guess she looks younger without makeup.

- Takeo just straight up pointing his gun at Shark in public because he mentioned Taivra... anger issues much? I understand why but taking your gun out is an overreaction.

[thekillingjoke-haha]

These Lips Are Sealed

Marvel & Supernatural Bingo and SPN Quote Bingo

Cursed Square

Sam Winchester x Fem!reader

Characters Mentioned: Castiel,OFCS

Tags: @thisismysecrethappyplace & @spnquotebingo

Y/n doesn't remember when she got this velvet ribbon tied around her neck and she doesn't know if she'll ever be able to take it off. She only wished to find a skilled enough witch to break her curse or hell the one who started it all.

Three hundred and twenty years walking the earth no bonded by iron shackles or chains,but one dainty feather light object that adored her neck that weighed so much yet so little. She was a doomed soul and was plagued to carry the burden of another til she decided enough is enough and undid the tight ribbon like many did before her which would only pass it to another.

Y/n has seen wars that tore families apart and illnesses that wiped out whole population and here she was at a bar with a single pool table and only a few booths. The place was far from packed looked more deserted than anything. Sipping her beer she looked down at the bar top. About a hundred years into her immoral prison she started hunting which became her job hunting the monsters that she related too.

Many have wondered why she wore the soiling red ribbon around her neck and they have asked millions of questions,but her answer stayed the same. "These lips are sealed." She's never stayed around hunters long they tend to sniff out something supernatural. The sound of the bar doors opening caused her to shift he gaze from the bar napkin with water mark ring to the entrance. Three men walked in two of them in plaid while the shortest of the trio wore a trench coat.

The moment her [E/c] eyes landed on them she knew exactly who they were. She knew a Winchester when she saw one she hunted along side many Winchester's before them. They walked over to a booth and were quickly served drinks as they chatted most likely about the witch in town.

Y/n couldn't look away from the tall brunette. He was quite handsome,but that thought left her mind as soon as it came. She threw back what was left in her bottle and got up calmly walked to their table. "Can I help you,sweetheart?" The blonde said giving her a smirk. "I came here to just say. Your not needed in town I can handle the witchy bitch causing trouble." She said which left the brothers slack jawed in awe. A sweet smile spread on her face the angel shook the oldest out of his shock and she reached over towards the youngest pushing his jaw up. "Wouldn't want you to catch flies,darlin'." She said giggling as she stood up straight ready to leave. "Enjoy your drinks,boys." She waved as she left them their.

Sam turned to Cas who just sat there looking at them. "Do you know who that is?" He asked. He couldn't get her out of his mind. She wore a black leather jacket with a black undershirt and dark blue Jean's. The one thing that stood out about her was the ruby red ribbon wrapped around her neck. "Sammy's got a crush!~" Dean said in a sing song voice teasing his brother.The angel had his brows frowned. "I don't know who she was,but she didn't seem completely human." He said causing the brothers to tense up. What was she? "She's nothing supernatural as far as I could tell,but she does have a cursed object on her." This relaxed his nerves a bit.

"Maybe that's why she's here. Probably tracked down the witch that cursed her." Dean said sipping his beer as we sat there. "Should we help her?" Sam asked as he plays with the bottle in his hand. He wanted to help,but he didn't know how normally killing the witch or salt and burning the object can reverse the spell,but he had no idea what was the root of it. "I believe that would be the right thing." Cas said from his spot next to Dean.

~Time Skip~

It was a trap. The moment they thought they cornered the witch she reversed the roles. Cas was pushed out of the house with angel banishing symbol she made with her blood on the walls,Dean was pinned to the ground by a shelf that toppled over trying to reach ruby’s blade, and Sam was being pushed back. His insides felt like the were set on fire as the witch got closer that he had to scream in agony. “Can’t believe I’ll be the one to kill a Winchester this time for good.” She said with a giggle that seemed to deafen Sam’s hearing before the grin on her face fell. “Well sorry to tell ya this,but not all dreams come true.” A voice said behind the supernatural being as her hold on him weakened when she fell to the floor ruby's knife in her back. “So they weren’t kidding when they said this thing could kill anything.” Y/n hummed as she took the knife out of the witches back wiping it off on the corpse clothes.

A loud thud was heard as her head snapped to the side as her eyes roll in the back of her skull. She fell unconscious backwards into Deans arms after he dropped the large book that most likely knocked her out. “What the hell!?!?!” Sam shouted as he stood up from his position on the ground. “What we don’t know what cursed her and what it is.” He defended himself. “I agree with Dean. I couldn’t tell if she was what she is completely just that there is some human in her just not enough for her to not be a threat.” Sam understood. He didn’t like it, but he understood what they were getting at. He had no idea why he cared so much about her,but there was something that wanted him to look after her,to protect her, to love her.

Y/n’s eyes fluttered open she was in a concert walled room in the center of a demon trap surrounded by salt. She lifted her gaze and saw the Winchesters and their angel stood in front of her looking right back. “Well hello again boys.” She said to them,but she kept her eyes on Sam and smiled. “Didn’t know saving you would get me here...no foreplay just straight to the nitty gritty. I’m intrigued.” Laughter rung throughout the room at the tall mans flushed face. “Woah,Sammy you found yourself a keeper.” Dean snorted.

She shifted in the chair. “So,why am I here?” She asked. Y/n obviously was stripped of her weapons along with her leather jacket,but thankfully they left her ribbon alone. “You’re cursed with something.” Castial said and this made the woman tied in the chair giggle. “I know I’m cursed known ever since I was around eighteen.” She said simply. Sam was shocked. “Y-you knew. Why didn’t do anything about it?” He said as he stepped closer. “I couldn’t had no idea what to do and if I asked for help I would have been killed.” Y/n said with a sigh.

“What’s the cursed object you have?” Dean asked for his position leaning against the wall. “These lips are sealed.” She said with a blank expression before her calming smile reappeared.”Can’t ask direct questions. This thing won’t allow it.” Y/n said as she shifted her bruised wrist. “Alright then. Is something currently on you cursed?” She nodded her head. “Would we be able to get rid of it?” She shrugged generally having no idea if the burden can be lifted. “Do you know what spirit is connected to you” She nodded again.”What about my attire stands out?” She hinted at feeling the ribbon tingle a bit in warning.Dean looked her up and down,but nothing caught his eye. Sam noticed immediately the only color on her besides her lipstick was the blood red ribbon wrapped tightly around her neck. “The ribbon. Do you know the lore behind it?” Sam asked. Y/n nodded and cleared her throat. 

“'In 1500′s two sisters both witches,Elizabeth and Clementine, were the the most beautiful in their village the oldest, Elizabeth, was the more flirtatious of them and held eyes for the handsomest man in town, but he didn’t like her. He liked her sister though. He confessed his love for Clem and a wedding day was set this put her sister in a jealous rage. She went to the towns people and said Clem was a witch that would turn against them all after she was wed.' Jealousy turned to hatred and hatred leads to mistakes. " She paused in telling the story to say the last bit.

Y/n uncomfortably stretched her neck hissing silently. She's never spoke about her curse so openly and the object wasn't sure if it was a direct answer so it was giving her a warning,but she kept on. "'They barged into the family’s home and took her out of her bed that she shared with her fiance to the center of the town to be exacted. As she was placed in the geateen she screamed cursing that everyone and their children til the end of their filthy bloodlines that they would face the same fate she will. Clem looked her sister in the eye smiled and said 'Your first.' as the blade came down a silk ribbon appeared on all the females in the town just like her own. Many were confused and pulled them killing the person who had the ribbon.” Y/n shifted a bit. “That’s the story...I should know I’ve seen it happen to my mom and grandmother first hand. I’m third generation of the curse the last living person with it.” 

Sam looked at her in shock she’s been on this earth staying alive just so the curse didn't move on to anyone that shared her blood even distinctly. "So can I be untied?" She asked. Sam went over to her and undid the ropes as she stood up to full height. "Is there anyway we could help?" He asked her wanting to help her get rid of this burden. "There is one way."

The four of them left the dungeon and went to the library. "We need to find the original. Her ribbon is the base of the curse so with it gone a ripple effect will get rid of the others." Y/n explained as she opened up books. "The trick is her remains were never burnt and theirs no burial plot for a convicted witch." She said with a sigh as she rubbed her forehead.

"So we go to Salem, Organ and if Cas can since the power of your ribbon it should be strong enough for him to pinpoint a grave to dig." Sam explained looking up at her with a small smile which she returned. "Let's get to it." She clapped her hands together.

Time Skip~

The group of four walked into the clearing in the forest where the which was supposedly buried. Y/n scratched her neck for what felt like the millionth time since the stepped foot in Salem. "This must be it." She said as blood started to drip below the cut of the ribbon. The brothers eyes widen in shock as they started digging around since it seemed they were running out of time. As they dug Cas kept healing her neck,but the blood kept flowing despite his attempts to stop it. Y/n leaned against a tree dizzy as she tried to keep consciousness.

Bones were dug up and that's when the youngest Winchester used his hands to uncover them and there he saw it the perfectly in condition silk ribbon around a headless skeletons neck. Dean started the salting,but before he could do the burning Sam delicately pulled the ribbon undoing it before crawling out of the grave to let it burn.

They set it aflame and watched as the flames became a mesmerizing purple before it was put out completely. Sam turned around and ran over to the women he grew found of within moments after meeting her. She was blinking slowly trying to stay awake her head lulled to the side. "Pull...the...ribbon." Her distant voice said. He reached up and shakily undid it and just like that the bleeding stopped. The seemingly fresh cut sailed itself making it seem there was never one there.

"Thank you." She said as she lost consciousness. Sam shouted as the three men scrabbled to gather things as he carried her bridle style as Cas teleported them to the bunker. He walked to his bedroom and gently layed her on the bed as he left to get a wash cloth to clean the blood. The warm cloth wiped away the dried blood away as he sat next to he was so captivated by her beautiful features he didn't notice her waking up.

Y/n felt pressure on her neck as she opened her eyes. She was looking up at him as he looked down at her lost in a daze. "So...You're not gonna and kill me,are you?" She asked shacking him from his thoughts. Sam's eyes widened in shock. "No." He said as he removed his hand from her neck placing the wash cloth on the dresser. "Cause that would be awkward. Especially after this." She said with a smile causing him to frown. "After wha–" He was cut off by her pushing herself up to met his lips. Pulling away both of them grinning as they looked at each other. "We can't tell Dean. I won't be able to handle the teasing." Sam said as he ran his thumb over her bottom lip. "These lips are sealed."

××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××××

A/n: Second story posted to day. Woah look at me being productive and shit! Again as I said before. Happy Pride!!!🏳️‍🌈 And stay safe out there. 😷 🤢😷 & ✊🏼B✊🏽L✊🏾M✊🏿

[softlass27]

Okay okay you don't have to do this now, but i was also wondering about your Eve fic: I've always been a daughter, because MY GOD I LOVED IT SO MUCH. Like your entire thought process behind Eve's character, how her relationship with Paddy and Chas came to be, just kdlsf everything. Sorry okay xx luv you!

So this is probably the most random, spontaneous thing I’ve ever written. It was borne out of two Chaddy-related irritations.

The first was them having another baby barely one year after the traumatic loss of the first one. It was so strange to me that everyone reacted so happily when they announced Chas was pregnant again, literally months after being devastated by Grace. It seemed way too soon, like Eve was essentially just there to replace what they’d lost and help them move on from it. And their obsessive paranoia over making sure Eve was okay all the time drove me mad, and just made me think it was bound to mess her up. To quote my mother, “The kid doesn’t stand a chance with those two.”

The second irritation was the way Chas kept trying to push Aaron to engage and spend time with Eve just after he’d lost Robert and Seb – and the chance of having another child of his own. It was so insensitive and cruel of her to use Eve to guilt Aaron into moving on by saying that she “needs her big brother”. She (plus Paddy and Liv) didn’t give a shit that Aaron had lost Robert, didn’t let him mourn everything he’d lost, they just wanted him to bounce back and forget all about him.

Somewhere along the line I started thinking, wouldn’t it be great if Chaddy’s constant pushing backfired and Eve became the biggest Robert stan of them all?

So that’s basically where it came from – anti-Chaddy spite.

Eve’s character

Oh God, I was SO nervous about writing her. I had a really clear picture of her in my head – that she’d be pretty well-behaved kid, very girly, quietly confident, and generally quite a chilled-out kid. But getting all that across in a way that made her likeable stressed me out so much, I was terrified that people either wouldn’t like her or just wouldn’t care about her.

It’s also the only fic I’ve written where the focus isn’t on Robron (although ofc there’s LOTS of them in there), so I was concerned people would be annoyed by that.

Relationship with Chaddy

Ahaha where to begin?

So obviously Eve’s relationship with her parents was a big part of the story. I wanted to make it clear that their trauma from losing Grace was never dealt with because they had Eve so quickly, and unfortunately that means Eve is the one to suffer because of it. Their grief becomes unhealthy, and it causes flaws that they already had – control issues, overbearing natures, a belief that they’re always in the right – to spiral out of control into something more extreme and sinister.

In the first half of the story, when Eve’s still a kid, their controlling and overprotective behaviour is something that she’s aware of but accepts easily enough, because she doesn’t know any different. Then when she becomes a teenager, there’s a shift in how it manifests. Once she starts to understand that something’s wrong and pull away, this is when the real breakdown of their relationship happens. They basically go between two extremes – either smothering her completely by inventing illnesses/stop her from becoming independent, or pushing her away and giving her the cold shoulder whenever she tries to resist said smothering.

There’s a form of mental illness/abuse that I find absolutely fascinating, which is called Munchausen’s syndrome by proxy (NHS link here). Not that much is known about it, but it basically involves an abuser (usually a parent or caregiver) faking illnesses in their child. It can be for a variety of reasons – power, attention, control, financial gain. I wasn’t comfortable actually labelling Chaddy’s treatment of Eve as this specific form of abuse, since I’m not a mental health professional (not yet anyway, I’m training to become one!), but it’s definitely something I had in the back of my mind when I was writing this. I doubt it’s a story the show would ever do, since it would mean turning Chaddy into actual villains, but I think the potential is definitely there with Eve!

I suppose the other thing to mention is Grace. Oh, Eve’s feelings about her sister are so complicated, probably more complicated than I was able to convey, though I loved giving it a good go. When she’s still a child, Eve’s main feeling in regards to Grace is confusion. Confusion over what happened to her, why she makes her parents so sad, why her not being here means Eve doesn’t get to do normal things like other kids.

Then when she gets older and understands, her feelings get a lot more messy. There’s anger, sadness, resentment... and a strange sort of disconnect between what her parents tell her to feel and what she actually feels. Not to mention the cold reality she tries not to dwell on too much – the only reason she was born is because Grace had died. 

Relationship with Aaron

Obviously I wanted Eve to be close to Aaron, and for him to sort of be her lifeline, her only real shot at growing up “normally”. Chaddy foisting her on him so much as a child means he sort of naturally becomes a third parent as well as a big brother. He’s the one who provides the things that a good parent is supposed to – support, encouragement, pushing her to be the best/as happy as she can be.

So yeah, Chaddy’s plan to use Eve to make Aaron act in the way they wanted backfires MASSIVELY. She becomes the only one who helps him get through losing Robert, and who (admittedly unknowingly) helps them get back together. And in turn, Eve spending so much time with Aaron makes her grow up strong and resilient – just like he is – and Chaddy can’t stand that. Ah, sweet irony.

Another thing I like about Eve and Aaron is that – on the surface – they have nothing in common. Unlike Liv, who was basically brought in as a “mini female Aaron”, Eve is very much her own person and very different to her big brother. But there are a few subtle similarities in their personalities that I did try to show – they’re both quite blunt when they want to be, they’re both quite easily-pleased and find simple pleasure in things, and neither of them suffer fools for long. And they both adore Robert. Speaking of whom…

Relationship with Robert

Literally one of the first thoughts I had about this story was: Eve will fall in love with Robert instantly. What little girl wouldn’t? The sweet relationship between them was one of my favourite things to write, their conversations always seemed to flow so naturally. It was also a soothing balm to my irritation over Liv hating Robert for literally no reason (other than she wanted Aaron all to herself). It never made any sense to me, so I wanted Eve to be the exact opposite. Writing Chaddy’s reaction to this was also very fun lol.

One thing that’s really lovely about them is how Robert becomes the only person who really understands what it’s like to not get along with your parents (and to be constantly compared to another sibling). To feel suffocated/desperate to get away, yet also upset when they reject you and guilty because you aren’t falling into line with their plans for you. Of course Aaron understands to an extent, because he obviously knows what Chas and Paddy can be like, but it wasn’t something he personally grew up with.

Ballet 

So Eve’s dance career wasn’t planned, not at all. It was initially just a hobby I used to show that she’s a proper girly girl. It wasn’t until I reached her teenage years that I realised I needed some sort of big conflict to cause the final showdown. I knew whatever it was had to lead to her moving into the Mill, before leaving the village and getting away from Chaddy for good.

I know from personal experience that if you grow up in the north and decide you want to pursue a career in the arts, you’re probably going to have to leave home and move to where the opportunities are. So the idea came to me that turning Eve’s passion for ballet into a career choice would mean she HAD to leave home, and it would serve as the ideal catalyst for this final fight.

I do have a head canon in my head about how Eve’s twenties and her early dance career will go. Who knows if I’ll ever write it, though!

[thatwasthenightthingschanged]

Sarah’s lgbt faves

my post about me posting my list got like two notes so :D this goes out to the two ppl who wanted to see my lgbt media faves, yay! also, there’s a version of this list including German ppl so if anyone wants those too, lmk!

YouTuber

- Dutchy

→ one of my fav lgbt youtubers, she’s bi and she’s one of my no1 sources for gay content and memes

-Stevie

→ a classic amongst wlws

-Sufi & Anjali

→ an inter-religious wlw couple and they are SO adorable, honestly I mainly watch them to yearn ahskasdh

fav coming outs (bc I had to :D)

-Daniel Howell

-Eugene Lee Yang

series

-LOVE, VICTOR!! (hulu)

→ okay I have been talking abt this series for like two weeks straight now but I’m gonna keep annoying everyone on here until everyone has seen it because it is THAT GOOD

-Everything Sucks (netflix)

→ this was I think the first wlw series I’ve ever watched and honestly the overall plot was a mess and kinda meh but I loved the wlw love story so yeah ajsdhakjhd

-The Bold Type (amazon prime)

→ one of my all time fav series, I love the characters so much & the series is all about female empowerment. Also the wlw couple is insanely cute so there’s that

-Dear White People (netflix)

→ okay okay I know the characters with the gay storyline are kinda side characters but I loved it nevertheless, also I feel it’s really good to educate oneself :)

-One Day At A Time (netflix & pop tv)

→ also one of my fav series, the entire family has my heart tbh. also a great execution of the gay storyline in my opinion

-Hollywood (netflix)

→ it’s just so good!! that’s all I’m gonna say

-Queer Eye (netflix)

→ I don’t need to say more I think askhakhd

-Merry Happy Whatever (netflix)

→ okay YES I AM AWARE that this is a Christmas series but still, it was soo good

-High School Musical The Musical The Series (Disney+)

→ gay side characters I guess but still GOD TIER I love it so much (probably because I’m a sucker for musical series/movies oops)

-I Am Not Okay With This (netflix)

→ mystery, wlw content, what more can you ask for! also it’s freaking hilarious omg

movies & documentaries

YouTube:

-State Of Pride

→ watched this last year & I rlly rlly liked it!

-Stonewall Forever

- In A Heartbeat (although everyone has probably already watched this short movie aashdka)

Netflix:

-Disclosure

→ really insightful!

-The Death & Life of Martha P. Johnson

→ also very insightful (though I walked away from it kinda anxious so if you’re easily triggered you might have to keep that in mind)

-Alex Strangelove

→ okay this movie was also hella weird and some of it is probably problematic? but I liked the love story so

-The Half Of It!!!!

→ I love LOVE this movie. It’s more of a coming of age movie than a wlw love story movie but I still think it’s great!

others:

-The Perks of being a Wallflower

→ you guys know how I feel about this akhsdkh

-Love Simon

→ and this one too, because I legitimately don’t know how to shut up abt it oops

books

wlw books

-Wenn Worte meine Waffe wären/For enden af din pegefinger by Kristina Aamand

→unfortunately, there’s no English translation of this yet but I still had to put it on this list because it’s a wlw book with a Muslim protagonist which is really cool!

-Leah On The Offbeat by Becky Albertalli (ofc)

→ read for a badass bi protagonist and oh my God, so much yearning

-We Are Okay by Nina Lacour

→ okay I didn’t really like this book that much?? but a lot of people adore it so I’ve included it here

-The Truth About Keeping Secrets by Savannah Brown

→ mystery! bi wlws! what more can you ask for! (also I absolutely adore the author so)

(books that I still wanna read bc they sound amazing:

-The Falling In Love Montage by Ciara Smyth

→ two girls who plan on spending one incredible summer together & then break up; basically a plot that has been used in straight books/romcoms a lot but I’m really excited to read a wlw version of it!

-You Should See Me In A Crown by Leah Johnson

→ abt a black girl who wants to become a doctor but she needs the school’s scholarship to attend college. The school’s requirements are that u need to win prom queen to get it - so she has to win against another girl! (& u can imagine what happens)

-The Henna Wars by Adiba Jaigirdar

→ the protagonist needs to create a business for school, and hers is being an henna artist. Only problem, her crush is also doing just that so they are kinda competing

-Tell Me How You Really Feel v. Aminah Mae Safi

→ wlw enemies to lovers!! we stan!!

mlm books:

-Carry On (&Wayward Son) by Rainbow Rowell

→ fantasy mlm & I love both of them so so much, I would literally die for them

-Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz

→ so freaking adorable, seriously

-Simon vs the homo sapiens agenda by Becky Albertalli

→ for obvious reasons. Also, y’all how have only watched the movie seriously miss out on some adorable Bram x Simon fluff

-The Perks of being a wallflower by Stephen Chbosky

→ for obvious reasons, also it’s generally the best book I have ever read

-What If It's Us by Becky Albertalli & Adam Silvera

→ ADORABLE! but without a real happy ending

-Autoboyography by Christina Lauren

→ about a guy falling for a Mormon boy. A little bit more heavy

trans books:

-The Art Of Being Normal by Lisa Williamson

→ again, thought it was really insightful. But of course I’m not a trans person so I might not be the best person to ask for recommendations in that department

music

queer women:

-King Princess

-Hayley Kiyoko

-girl in red

-MATILDA

-Halsey

-dodie

-Clairo

queer men:

-Troye Sivan

-Vincint

-Conan Gray

[fanfic-scribbles]

Lunch Buddy: Chapter Twenty

Masterlist

<<Previous Chapter

Overall Story Facts:

Fandom: MCU Captain America/Avengers

Story Summary: Steve Rogers makes a friend. A prickly, generally people-averse friend, but they’ll both take what they can get.

Quick Facts: Romance – Steve Rogers/Reader – Female Reader

Story Warnings: Reader-insert that verges on OFC, written in 1st person past tense

Chapter 20: After Hours

Chapter Summary: Two intrepid idiots clear up a misunderstanding and get to the good bits.

Chapter Word Count: 3337

A/N: This chapter went places I did not expect, but the important part is that these dumb dorks are still pretty cute <3 So the next part of this story will be called “Dinner Date” and posting will happen…when it happens. Sorry. I’m in the mood to do some holiday-themed one-shots right now for some different characters, but time will tell whether any of those get finished before the first chapter (which I have already started). I do think I’m going to keep it on the same masterlist as the other LB stuff; it’ll just have its own header. Anyways. For now…please enjoy.

   ~

 The ride home was…awkward.

Steve and I both sat in the back of a nicer-than-average town car and the cab was quiet enough, and the drive slow enough, that sounds of scattered celebration occasionally filtered in, easy to hear in the utter silence with my head so close to my window while Steve was very much pressed against his own. I didn’t know how to feel about it. While I didn’t exactly want to crawl into his lap while some poor schmuck drove us to my apartment…Steve looked out the window more often than he looked at me.

I put my hand on the seat and inched it towards him, keeping it close enough to me that if I needed to get into some quick denial I could, but Steve was sharp when he wanted to be and I was still wondering if that kiss was just convenience or maybe (maybe) something more. But the driver asked something, Steve snapped his attention to answer, and I shoved my fingers under my leg like I was protecting them from the cold. In a car that could probably control the climate down to the fifth decimal. And Steve went back to staring out the window.

He looked so focused. Was he prepping an apology– a gentle let-down? An “I’m sorry it’s not you it’s me?” An “I’m sorry but I was just excited and that went way too far?” An “I’m sorry but I thought I was into it before we kissed and now I’m very much not?” Was I a crap kisser? I cupped my hand around my mouth and nose and breathed, but I couldn’t get a good read on it. Still, after all that food and drinking I probably tasted terri–

Steve said my name and my neck cracked with how fast I looked at him. I then tried to crack the other side to make it seem like it was just terrible timing. Very smooth.

“You uh…” I fiddled with my hands and made no move to get out of the car. Steve didn’t move either, but I still didn’t know if that was good or not. I knew what I had to say, but spitting the words out was harder than it should have been. Eventually, though, I got there.

“Would you come up?”

“Can we talk?”

The sentences came at the same exact time and it took me a moment to realize what Steve had said. And that his words seemed…so much more not-fun than mine. But, to avoid any more stilted conversation in the company of a complete stranger, I nodded as fast as I could and said, “Yes,” far too desperately. Granted, the guy was a driver employed by Tony Stark and had probably seen worse, but I didn’t need all my nonsense spilling out over the same seat where someone else had probably…

My eyes trailed too long over Steve’s thighs and I scrambled to get out of the car. I stretched as soon as I was out in the cold air. Noise filtered down the street in spurts as parties continued on, and I hugged myself. My one nice jacket was not meant for me to be out in long, not in the middle of the night in January at least.

“Here.”

I saw my purse before I saw Steve holding it. I smacked my hand to my face. “Fucking idi– jeeze; thanks Steve,” I said and took it.

“Don’t worry about it,” he said and gripped my shoulder. His hand felt like a weight at first but then he squeezed and…lingered. For several seconds. And it felt like he was reluctant to let go, even though he literally only stepped a foot away to lean in the car window and tell the driver something. Was I projecting or was this going to go better than I feared? I still couldn’t risk looking him right in the eyes so I stole a peek while he was distracted. He looked…normal. I couldn’t tell anything but, well, he was talking to another person and I could only see half of his face, in the dark, so what did I expect?

When he started to stand again I faced the building and waited while the car drove off. I was starting to feel sick in a way I couldn’t blame on the alcohol, but at least the potential humiliation was relatively low as far as witnesses went. It was just me. And Steve.

“Come on,” he said and nudged me gently. “Let’s get you inside before you freeze.”

“Okay,” I said and led the way. Again, we were both completely silent. Of course, it was a two-way road, but I didn’t know what to say. “Hey, how about that kiss? Pretty great, right?” Except I didn’t know if he would agree. I liked the kiss, but we hadn’t talked or really done anything after it. What if it really was him just getting caught up in the moment? And I had followed along. Because I had desperately wanted it. And maybe he could tell and that was why it was awkward.

“Do you want some coffee?” I asked as soon as we got in, and after I hit the lights I went to the kitchen to make a pot whether or not he wanted to share.

“That sounds nice, thanks,” he said and headed over to the couch.

I stayed at the coffee pot and listened to it gurgle and bubble, taking in some comfort from the smell that arose as it started to drip into the pot. I wondered if I could get away with taking a moment to change into my pajamas or something more comfortable for the coming conversation, but that didn’t seem quite fair. If Steve had to be stuck in his formalwear, I could sit and suffer in mine too. Depending on how this conversation went, I would be spending a lot of time in my pajamas, eating too much and eschewing all human contact forever and always. I didn’t get to be dramatic very often, but I had burned myself enough times that it could still be considered a time-honored tradition.

“I’m sorry.”

I dropped the cup to the counter. It didn’t have far to go but that didn’t matter because– “Sorry for what?” I asked, hoping I was misunderstanding something.

“I’m sorry for kissing you like that.”

Oh. I squeezed my eyes shut tight. So he did mean…okay. Okay. Ouch, but okay. I got it. He said my name but I didn’t trust myself to respond; tears balled up in my throat and choked the little ‘but I’m not’ that was pointless to say.

He said my name again, right behind me this time. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

I let out a laugh that was more like a whimper but I still tried as hard as I could to hold it together. “Okay. I– I get it; you were just…excited, I guess?” God that sounded so fucking stupid I was so fucking stupid. “I don’t know. I’m sorry, I’m sorry I went with it, I’m sorry I wanted– maybe we could forget–”

“Oh– no! No; not– no, no, no,” he said and turned me around. I tried to hide my face but I couldn’t steal away completely from his concern. He gripped my arms. “That’s not what I meant; I’m not sorry I kissed you– I mean–” He let out a sigh like he was exasperated. “I’m saying this wrong. I don’t regret kissing you. What I’m sorry for is how it happened.”

I blinked back tears. I took a minute to think over what he said. I stared at him.

Then I shoved back from him. “You are such a dick sometimes!”

He looked bewildered. “What…”

“You scared the crap out of me!” I said. “You kissed me like that and then you barely touched me, even when you offered to ‘take me home,’ and you were silent for the whole ride. I thought you regretted it!”

“No. However,” he said and narrowed his eyes so slightly it was almost more of a squint. “You did the same thing. You barely touched me, didn’t say a word– I thought you were mad at me. I kissed you and I thought you kissed back, but afterwards you– and I thought you were mad that I sprung it on you. That I surprised you too badly and you didn’t know if you really wanted it.”

I took a second. Several seconds, actually, until I calmed down. “Fair,” I conceded. I had thought I was reacting to him but… “So I’m a dick too.”

“What a pair we are,” he said. He licked his lips and I had to avert my eyes. Unfortunately I averted them up into making eye contact. Shit. “So…you did kiss back.”

“Must not have done it too well if you sound so unsure about it,” I said, maybe a bit sourly, because I thought I had done pretty well. I hadn’t ever had a first kiss with someone turn into such a nice (if too quick) make-out. He said my name in warning and I sighed. “Yeah, I did.”

“So you…” He stopped, frowned, and was silent.

When he crinkled his nose I had to ask, “What?”

“There’s no way I can think to put this that doesn’t make me feel like I’m ten years old,” he said and rubbed the back of his head. “So you…like me too?”

I snorted. It was kind of funny. “You could even say I like like you too.”

He rolled his eyes and said my name again. I definitely like that. It felt like being back on steady ground after being knocked around in an earthquake. “I said what I meant and meant what I said,” I told him. “Now you.”

“I’d like to sit behind the playground with you too,” he said dryly.

I covered my mouth in mocking scandal. “Hold up there Steve, we just kissed once; how far do you expect to get in one night?”

He turned red. “What the hell are people doing on– oh.”

I, of course, laughed. But then he smiled and I felt off-kilter again. I swallowed another lump as it began to form. “So you…meant it?”

“Obviously,” he said like he was joking. He sounded so suddenly unsure though when he asked, “Right?” that I almost wanted to hug him.

“It just– it came out of nowhere and–” I took a deep breath and tried to steady myself in this whirlwind. “But I was so focused on myself; I was trying so hard not to show what…that I wanted. You. Like that.” I froze up, but I had said it; I’d said it. Out loud. To him.

I turned around, dumped some coffee in a cup, and immediately downed half of it. I’d been well sober for a while but maybe this would stave off the headache I could feel creeping in. After a moment I took out another cup, poured more coffee, and slid it over to him.

“Thanks,” he said and put his hand around the bug but didn’t bring it up to his mouth. “Was I out of line? It’s okay to tell me; I don’t want– …Whatever it is that you might want, I don’t want to lose you as a friend, so please. Talk to me.”

I looked up at the ceiling and then I looked at him. “I want you,” I said. “Exactly like you think. Or maybe you don’t think. But I want you, as more than a friend. I have wanted you but I couldn’t imagine you wanting me as anything else and whatever happened I could handle not having you as a–” I couldn’t even say ‘boyfriend’ I was that pathetic, “–romantically, but I didn’t want to lose you completely. I never– I never thought I would get to this point; I thought at worst I would have to say ‘hey I have a crush on you’ and at best you would let me down– gently, I hoped– and we would move on and I…I just, I never thought I would get to this point and I don’t know what to do! You want the same thing and now I’m so terrified of having the chance to fuck this up.”

“You won’t. We won’t,” Steve said and stepped forward, almost pressing up against me. “We’re two adults who can work through this. Together.”

That was more optimism than I was allowed in one night. “Have you met us?” I had to ask.

“Yeah,” he said, looking stupidly earnest. “I know we can because we wouldn’t be working on it on our own, and we already work through a lot together. My issues with being Captain America, your issues with people; my problems with being myself in a completely different time, your issues with opening up…your problems with admitting you’re wrong about really good, unusual snacks…”

“Oh my god, if this is about the crickets again then you are still so wrong.”

“They have chocolate on them; they can’t be bad.”

“I could probably coat a dirty penny in chocolate and you’d eat it,” I muttered. I couldn’t believe I had actually kissed that man. Yuck. (Except unfortunately not.)

Steve shrugged (because I was right and we both knew it) but he smiled at me. “You get the point though. Wasn’t it a risk just being friends in the first place?”

It wasn’t like romance had a monopoly on breaking hearts, true. However. “This is more, and bigger, for both of us,” I said. His smile went away. “I’m not– I know we both have issues. That’s a separate thing. I just…” I looked down at my hand on the counter. “Right now I wonder.”

“Wonder what?” Steve asked softly and put his arms around me.

“How could you want me, Steve?” But I returned the hug, pressed myself against him, and squeezed. “Sometimes I don’t even want me.”

“I could say the same thing,” Steve said and held me just as tight. Despite my misgivings, I never wanted to leave this. “For what it’s worth…I think we make a good team.”

I let out a little laugh. Just a little one, but damn him, I was starting to come up from my spiral. “I guess the couple who snarks about self-important businessmen together stays together,” I said. But I liked that. Couple. It made me feel warm. Or maybe that was Steve, ever-present and holding onto me like he truly didn’t want to let go. “If we’re going to be doing this, I’m going to really nag at you about jumping off buildings without parachutes.”

“It was a plane and it was one time.” He rubbed his hand across my back. “And you already yell at me for it.”

“Mm hm.” I was content to stay as I was, but when I dropped my head to rest it against him I found a whole other reason to be uneasy. Dirty countertops, dishes piled in the sink, and I knew the living room and my bedroom was a mass of clothes and jewelry and hastily-bought makeup. My place was an actual garbage pile and I had completely forgotten. No wonder he had ditched the couch right away– he couldn’t sit on it. I groaned and shoved my face into his chest.

“What’s wrong?”

“Well now that I’m mostly done freaking out about that, I’m about to start freaking out about my apartment looking like a disaster zone.”

Steve chuckled. “I hadn’t really noticed. I can close my eyes if it makes you feel better?”

I opened my mouth and then shut it while I considered that. I smiled. “Yeah, actually,” I said. “Shut your eyes.”

He blinked, but then he obeyed. I savored the moment because that was not a thing Steve Rogers did often, but I didn’t wait long. I moved in and up, and pressed my lips to his. And that was where I did linger. “Mm,” Steve ‘said’ and put his hand behind my head to keep me there. The joke was on him– I never wanted to leave. Slowly his mouth opened and so did mine, and as he slipped his tongue in, I pressed my body even closer to his, even though any more contact outside of metaphysical merging was impossible at that point. His hands moved, gripping at my back in different spots, but I felt a thrill when they moved to my sides.

I couldn’t believe I got to do this with Steve. I went from hopelessly infatuated to actually having him in the space of one night and it was real; the way his arm curved around my waist was real, the way his lips and tongue teased at mine was real, the…counter I sat on and that he pressed against to get to me was real, but I couldn’t remember how I got up there.

I let that go, and kissed him until I really had to pull back for air. I had a headache crashing in but I couldn’t remember ever feeling so good. Until Steve’s phone buzzed right next to me, making me jump from the slight vibrations carried through the counter. He spared a glance at it but it fell silent, so he came back to me. The phone buzzed again but he ignored it. Except that it kept… buzzing. And it was incredibly irritating– to the point where I was tempted to throw it into the living room– but that didn’t seem like a good idea considering the reasons Steve might be called.

I broke for air. Since I needed a little time to catch my breath I asked him, “Should you check that?” even while I fervently hoped the answer was “fuck no.”

He huffed but he reached over to grab for the phone without leaving me (good, since I had my legs loosely locked behind him) and I caught his muttered “I swear to God if the world is ending today I’m…” but the rest was unintelligible. That was fine. I had plenty of my own threats to substitute and they were probably better than his.

But Steve stared at the phone and turned red. Not angry red. Definitely not angry red. Red like ‘Lucy got caught behind the social studies room by the proctor’ red. And for a moment I was so delighted by the proposition I forgot I was maybe part of the reason he was so embarrassed. Even remembering that didn’t make his face any less enjoyable though. “What is it?”

He lifted his eyes to the ceiling like the long-suffering man he was and shut them in silent prayer. I snuck a peak at his phone while he did so and only saw the end of a very busy group message.

Sam: Yeah Steve, take the lady to dinner first

I burst out laughing and Steve chucked his phone behind him into the living room. It didn’t sound like it smashed into a thousand pieces, so hopefully it crash-landed into one of the piles of clothes. “My friends are assholes,” Steve muttered and moved back to me, setting his hands on my hips.

“You know, Sam has a point,” I said as Steve’s nose slid alongside mine.

“Oh yeah?” I could feel his smile against my lips just before he began to kiss and nip at them gently. “You want me to take you to dinner, sweetheart?”

It wasn’t quite serious, wasn’t quite a joke, and it made something in my chest swell wide and bright. “Not yet,” I said and pressed my forehead to his, unable to kiss him through the uncontrollable smile on my face. I was willing to try, though. I was willing to try lots of things. “But I’ll let you treat me to lunch.”

<<Previous Chapter

[karolinevonw]

&&. announcing her royal highness, ( karoline von württemberg ), the ( 22 ) year old ( princess ) of ( germany ). she is often confused with ( elle fanning ). some say that she is ( naive and rebellious ), but she is actually ( opinionated and curious ). 

hiii! my name is ella, she/her pronouns. i'm from a small country named uruguay but timezones do not matter when you don't have a normal sleeping schedule soo... anyway, i was going to write this intro yesterday but i fell asleep (and that's an excuse you'll hear very often. i just like napping okay?) i could tell y'all more about me but lbh i'm not that interesting so let's focus on karoline 

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basic information.

NAME: karoline annaliese von württenburg

NICKNAME: karo, line

GENDER: cis female

PLACE OF BIRTH: berlin, germany

BIRTHDAY: april 19th, 

AGE: twenty-two

SEXUALITY: bisexual

background.

okay so i'm still figuring her out but i have a general idea of who she is

karoline had a happy childhood. her parents didn't pay as much attention to her as her older brother, hans. to compensate for the lack of attention she received from her parents, karoline was given anything she wanted. she is spoiled af

she was so spoiled that in a way she lived in her own world and her parents, especially her father preferred it that way. so for most of her life, she grew up to be a young girl with great charm but was considered rather frivolous and superficial.

she seldom showed any interest in politics and her education was mainly focused on the arts, languages, and history. from a young age, she became fascinated with painting and dancing,  talents which her she gladly cultivated.

her relationship with her father was amicable. he didn't show much interest in her and she didn't mind not having his attention. as a child, she was very close to her mother but as she grew up, karoline became closer to her brother. in a way, she idolizes him and she would do anything for him.

when she turned twelve she was sent to a boarding school to continue her education. it was the first time she was away from her family. free from the restrictions and embedded etiquette of german royalty, she felt free, relaxed, and happy at school. 

around this time she befriended another german girl who opened her eyes to the problems of the world. this sparked something within her and she started to become very vocal about the things she found unfair. her father didn't like this since most of her life she had agreed with him but she couldn't stay quiet any longer.

she got into several arguments with her father and let me tell you he really hated her guts! however, the man would always shut her up by exposing how naive and ignorant she was in terms of politics. 

in her head, she believed that if she readied herself in politics her father would take her arguments seriously (lol never) so when the time came to go to college she told her father that she would stay in germany and study political sciences. 

her father mocked her and belittled her to the point that he convinced her to go to oxford and study art history. while she did study art history, she also took some courses in politics and international law unbeknownst to her father. 

she has yet to earn her degree but right now that's on hold since she is here in thailand.

personality.

while as a child she was deemed as a cold and aloof as she grew up people started to like her more. some people call it an act but throughout her life karoline has shown her ability to get on with people in all ranks of life. her staff members adore her and she's well-received by the german people.

karoline is a woman of an optimistic and cheerful temperament. she's always in a good mood and loves talking to people but beware because she can talk for hours so please tell her to shut up otherwise she'll never stop talking.

she is not as naive as before but she still has so much to learn about politics. she hates to admit it but she is still very ignorant about many matters, ofc that doesn't stop her from talking about it. however, she takes criticism well and learns from it. so feel free to educate her.

her self-esteem is very fragile and it's very easy to make her feel bad or that she is not good enough.

wanted connections.

best friend/confidant: listen i love friendships! so i’ve been thinking about this one for a while, and i’d love if her best friend is someone that has been with her since the start so a staff member would be ideal! 

royal best friend: they’ve known since they were babies and they have grown up together in this crazy royal world, so they understand each other

first love: she’s a hopeless romantic and i think she falls in love too easily but this person was truly something else. she still cares for them even if they aren’t together anymore (open to any m or f )

frenemies: they are good friends one minute and the next one they are throwing each other snarky remarks.

unrequired crush: this could be either karoline has a crush on your character or the other way around.

mentor: karoline really wants to learn more about politics and she wants to understand the conflict happening right now, so she needs someone that helps her with that

that’s all i can think about it but please plot with us!! 

[janiedean]

Hey, lately I've seen a lot of people hate on book!Tyrion and talk about what a terrible person he is and wanted to hear your take on that, because I don't really get it. I think that he is a really interesting character in the books, more so than in the second half of the show, if you ask me.

(sorry for replying this late I needed time to get to it and stuff happened haha)

soooo... tldr: I think *tumblr* has a shitload of issues with tyrion that are 90% rooted in the fact that this website thinks hating men is cool/that men are the worst always *and* also only cries ableism when it’s convenient or to call ableist things that are not in fact such (ie ‘omg if you use stupid is ableist’ which... automatically implies that anyone with a disability is *stupid* and the likes), and in tyrion’s case there’s.... an overlap of those specific issues added to the fact that since he’s a general fan favorite regardless of any fault of his then it’s fine to trash on him. going in depth on it:

now, there’s admittedly a difference in between book and show tyrion in the sense that the show version is a lot less gray and has cut on a lot of material in that sense, but like...... it’s d&d who after they decided to chunk the book storyline couldn’t write him properly so I’m not touching that topic because it’s not *his* issue, it’s theirs, and as you said... well obv. he’s more interesting in the books, because he has a lot more layers and he actually does something post-asos instead of rehashing the same three jokes that aren’t even on par with *his* book humor because he’s too smart for d&d to pull off correctly (I mean from S6 to S8 they managed to give him good lines in... the finale? PROBABLY? but they can’t write him, it’s their problem);

when it comes to book!tyrion, he obviously has faults same as 99,9% of the characters in these books, but all of those faults are... absolutely understandable given his background? I mean, so he hates his father and his sister, has fairly unhealthy coping methods and that got worse after asos, but... he comes from a lifetime of parental/familial abuse that crowned with tywin forcing him to rape his then-wife who actually did love him and convincing him he was unlovable, cersei was molesting him in the cradle and the only person who cared about him outside the uncles brigade which wasn’t around all the time was jaime who went off to get traumatized for himself at thirteen, and that just because of how he looks and for his disability, do we ask him to be a perfectly adjusted person? not really, and actually the fact that he tries to be better than 99% of his family all the time and that he actually has a lot of empathy for disadvantaged people and empathy in general says a lot about how he’s a pretty damn decent person, not a terrible one;

now, I think that this fandom on tumblr has ten problems with him because in order, the fact that he’s a man already puts him on a disadvantaged level but that’s common to most guys in this fandom like on tumblr in this fandom if a female character fucks up and a male character fucks up, the latter will be called out upon it way more than than the female character. also, abused male characters don’t get recognition for that 99% of the time. but that also means that his disability gets brushed off/ignored because since **according to tumblr standards** it’s not stopping him from doing most of what he’d like and no one takes it into account, his abuse gets brushed off/ignored because WELL HE’S NOT THE ONLY ONE, the fact that he’s a man means he has male privilege and whatever the fuck else and since he’s technically (in the book at least) Not Standard Attractive then he doesn’t even get the shitload of excuses hot people get in virtue of being hot;

also, there’s a certain attitude I really don’t like at all whatsoever to describe the fact that in his POVs he always goes about how much he hates his father/cersei or WHERE DO THE WHORES GO in adwd as whining/being unable to get over it/dying of self-pity but like.......... that’s..... how he copes with knowing he’s been treated like shit? like, thing is: in a literary genius foil with his brother who has no idea of the crap he was unjustly subjected to if not very subconsciously and whose coping method is *going away* and/or forgetting about things and/or not thinking about them, tyrion’s coping method is never letting himself forget it and honestly.... so he thinks shit about his father and sister all the time? tough luck, they’re his abusers, ofc he does. he can’t get over thinking no one will love him because of his looks? tough luck, he was told that all his life and when he found someone he thought did tywin organized that rouse so he’d think she was with him for money and he forced him to rape her which is also called rape by proxy so he’s also a rape victim and he was thirteen? wow, if I were him ie someone whose first advice to a main character in these books was ‘never forget about your weaknesses and make them your armor so people can’t hurt you with them’ then I also would be thinking about that all the time. he’s an abuse victim and he’s not away from his abusers until the end of asos, what are we expecting, that he’d get over it? actually it’s a way healthier method than jaime’s because at least he knows he’s been wronged all along and he can see both c. and his father for the assholes they are but at least he knows that and he harbors no illusions about them even if he still kind of wants them to love him same as most people would, but like... that’s not whining? that’s stuff that it’s absolutely normal he should be thinking? also, the where do the whores go thing in adwd is....... basically he just learned that his biggest trauma was not what he believed it was and he has to reconcile himself with the fact that a) tysha never not loved him, b) jaime was in on it even if he subconsciously knows that he also was a victim in that ploy (when he dreams about killing him in adwd he’s crying, sooooo) and he has to know because jaime told him out of *guilt* and he damn well knows it, like he’s re-elaborating the entire thing, obviously he’s fixated on it??? I mean the moment I figured out a specific thing that I hadn’t realized about an unhealthy relationship I had with someone I spent a month thinking about it every other moment for a month and it was nowhere near that same level of terrible, and I’m surprised that he thinks about that for all of adwd? like, I find those justifications very iffy and incredibly dismissive of a) his trauma b) his abuse victim status;

also there’s the whole HE KILLED TYWIN thing but..... I honestly am baffled it’s even a thing fandom thinks he should pay for or anything. like, the problem is that he killed *shae* in that context, and that was also out of feeling betrayed after just learning of how it really went with tysha, and that’s why he’s on the downward spiral/his lowest point in adwd, but.... tywin? really? like tywin is an asshole period, he abused him all his life, he traumatized the shit out of him for his entire life and made him grow up thinking he was unlovable and outright told him he wanted to drown him, and not even counting what tywin did to *him*, we’re talking about someone who went and calmly planned the red wedding the moment he realized there was no way he could take out robb without treachery and didn’t feel particularly bothered by it on a moral level, and we’re sad that he died or think that tyrion has to pay for it because he killed his abuser who also never really was a father to him in any sense of the word? like what the fuck does tyrion owe tywin? literally nothing and tbqh it’s tywin narratively reaping the seeds of what he’s sown if tyrion goes and offs him. like, a lot of people re fixed on this thing about OH HE KILLED HIS FATHER HE DOESN’T DESERVE REDEMPTION but the narrative doesn’t ask it of him. he has to make peace and find his own redemption for killing shae at that point, not tywin. tywin had it coming since the moment he showed up. like, saying he’s a horrible person for offing someone who only ever abused the shit out of him doesn’t really fly as far as I’m concerned;

at this point we get to ‘okay but in adwd he does a lot of questionable things’, but..... a) he’s supposed to be at his lowest narrative point and a lot of people have done a lot of questionable things at their lowest narrative point in these books, I mean if I think theon can have a nice life and get better after his WF stint I can think that tyrion can have a nice life and get better after his adwd stint, b) it’s nothing he’ll be proud of when he pulls his shit together (and he already had started by the end of adwd) but I mean... it’s nothing worse than most people who have to pull their shit together in these books have done lately, like honestly writing him off as a horrible person because of his adwd stint reaaaaally reeks to me of double standard which is based on the fact that no one around here wants to recognize that he’s an abuse victim and his reactions are valid and that yes his disability singles him out and is the reason people target him and not his merits or demerits. I mean he even spells it out, he’s been on trial for being a dwarf all his life/everyone already judged him for that regardless of his actual faults, and that’s not him being delusional, it’s the truth. he’s a person who certainly has faults same as anyone else but guess what a lot of people around fandom do what tywin does and exacerbate them if you ask my opinion;

(that also can be seen when it comes to what people think of the guy being shipped around because believe me I wish I hadn’t seen people saying he couldn’t be a good option for sansa because he’s not the beautiful gallant stainless dude she deserves, and I’m saying it as a sansan shipper first but come the fuck on) (other than that tyrion/bronn is ofc the superior ship but nvm me)

also there’s the whole thing where people decided that since tyrion is a general fandom fave in between the w.org/reddit crowd/general audience then obviously if the dudebros (ugh i can’t with that generalization anymore sure af freefolk is less puritan than tumblr from what I see) like him then he has to also incarnate the Worst Type Of Male Fan Of Asoiaf In Existence and like........ now, I don’t doubt that when it comes to the *general audience* there’s a lot of misconceptions going around plus a lot of his character faults get ignored (I mean when I went on w.org the first time the first thread I ran into was like ‘wow sansa is a bitch for not kneeling at once when they married and making him feel like shit’ I mean that’s a situation where you should feel bad for both but calling her a bitch for not wanting to kneel while marrying a guy she was forced to who also belonged to the family that killed her brother and mother and her father too is like......... come on seriously?) but that’s the same with most fandom faves in any fandom, it doesn’t mean that if some of his fans see him with rose-tinted glasses then on this side of the pond we have to decide he sucks when he doesn’t, and as I said time and time again..... do we remember the last time that in any fandom the general audience favorite character who sells the merchandise more than anyone else is a disabled abuse victim who doesn’t shut up about it and tries to be better than anyone else thinks them able to? because I don’t and while tyrion is not top five asoiaf for me I’m very glad that *he* is the general audience favorite. so they don’t get the point or see him with rose-tinted glasses? happens to fandom faves in general, but it doesn’t mean that he’s a terrible person in the text just because the dudebro crowd (if we wanna call it like that but meh) likes him. so what, he is the audience fave? good, I’m beyond fine with him being the audience fave. I honestly don’t think it’s an argument that should even be brought up because ‘that character’s fans are shit so the character is automatically shit because we judged the fans on their supposed gender’ is not an argument. *shrug*

tldr: I think people on here exaggerate his flaws (that everyone has) and are bitchy about the fact that he is the general audience favorite because how dare a guy who’s as far as we know cishet (which is already bad for tumblr standards), not standard hot (crime!!), has a disability (which gets ignored 90% of the time when discussing his privilege or lack thereof), is an abuse victim who won’t let you forget it and you can’t deny/headcanon differently (which is a thing tumblr can’t accept - I mean, men being abuse victims, and with hc differently I mean that people outright deny that idk jaime was one because he doesn’t realize he was so you have to actually read into the text to realize it, but they can decide he’s not because it requires effort to put it together - or deny sandor was one because we don’t have his pov and we only see his destructive coping methods and so on - with tyrion they can’t because he never lets you forget he was and admitting it is apparently hard, also one of his abusers is a woman and We Do Not Admit That Women Can Be Abusers On Tumblr Dot Com) and who has fucked up but not worse than most people in these books be the audience favorite? WE JUST DON’T KNOW. personally I think he’s pretty damn great and an amazingly conceived/written character (I mean in a series where all the characters weren’t so well-rounded and I didn’t have other people I latched on before that he’d have totally been top three material for me he just got unlucky to be in the one series where everyone is well-rounded and there’s people that I resonate personally more with but really he’s an amazing character all around) and I can’t wait for him to pull his shit together in the next book and possibly get the nice ending he deserves along with better dialogue than d&d gave him, but from there to say he’s a horrible person.... geez. my list of horrible persons in these books runs very long and he’s nowhere near it. ofc he has faults but no character in these books is faultless except maybe gilly, and not even people under the age of twelve are faultless in these books come on.