#people named it in the rbs and comment so here goes

[rayfishandchips]

ra9 please take this as my tribute for entering the fandom *throw a chunk of my dbh wip into the wild*

edit: for the physical version of the tsum tsum Connor, check this

[mavcancees]

how to adapt into dtblr culture for twitter refugees

so you've decided to move here from twitter. welcome and congratulations. this post is basically a big warning that goes THIS ISN'T TWITTER, DON'T BEHAVE LIKE IT IS, LEAVE THAT AT THE DOOR

i'll be teaching you two things, how the site works, and how to adapt your behavior to tumblr ( and really, normal human being ) culture. believe me, it's not that hard and it will actually feel very productive

let's start with the basics and frequent questions

your username can be anything, don't stress about it

your picture can be anything. a lot of us don't even have dteam related stuff up on our profile

your display name doesn't have to be your name. nobody is going to see it when you post, only usernames are visible

check your settings. do it. get familiar with them. turning on and off asks, turning anon off, turning submissions off. click on your blog, go to blog settings, check things there, go to account, your muted things will be there, go to dashboard and customize that. use your settings !!!

yes, pinned posts are fairly important and they tend to be pretty extensive. name age what you post about ( a lot of people here are multifandom !), just don't overshare ( no locations no trigger lists i beg you ). they also usually have a breakdown of your tags at the end

tags

it's a whole thing. some are actually useful. some are just passive commentary

the tags you put on posts ( both when you made the post and when you're reblogging something ) are both global and hosted on your profile. it's why you'll see things like "nameofperson art" rather than just "art". using just "art" will put you in the promoted tag, in this case

you can use spaces on your tags

usually you will tag what type of post you're making ( art, text post, ask post ), and then the contents keep in mind this is how people often mute things, some people tag the current situation, people use and mute ship tags. but this is also how people find things, like the specific asks from one person to another, so "username ask" is commonly used, "irl person ( dream, dnf, etc )" is also seen a lot just watch how others tag things and copy them. nobody will get offended you took their tag formatting, most of us will appreciate properly tagged posts

you do tag when you reblog people. you use tags to comment on things. don't really use replies unless you're, saying thank you to someone or pointing out a spell mistake or asking to add an option to a poll, etc. we don't do replies, just rb your reply

quick reblog and like deets

post popularity is measured in "notes" which is the sum of replies, reblogs and likes. we don't really care much about numbers here and if you start getting crazy about it people will not like it. this is more of a talking and showing site

you can reblog without tags, feel free to

you can hide your likes. you can and should like as many things as you want. they don't alter any algorithm, since there's none. a like is a "i saw this post" notification to the poster

actually posting

people talk a lot. a fucking lot, and it's something you will have to get used to, because it's very different from twitter

there are no qrts. callouts are looked down upon. breathe. if you don't like something MUTE IT DON'T POST ABOUT IT, because no one is going to listen to any callouts. you will have to learn to live with the fact people like things you don't. this will, with time, make you feel very free

the bulk of posting here is asks, as you might notice soon. asks are fun and encouraged. just don't name drop if you're talking about drama please ?

don't be scared to send asks off anon, this is how people will find you and get to know you really. people are also more likely to reply to you

block bait anons. yes you can block anons. yes it will block every blog they make

culture time

i've said this. tumblr is unserious. drama here is approached very differently and with several less layers of panic. you will see death threats. you will see slurs ( said in non derogatory ways ). you will see jokes about serious topics. you will see people say "i didn't like this" and nobody will care

tumblr is a community of individualism. you will like your own things within the thing we share we like. you might not like dream's music, you might not find irl streams entertaining, as long as you're fucking normal about it ? nobody will care and you're free to express your opinions. people will even come ask you about it and just have a chat. we're here for the same content to some degree

tumblr is also a bunch of people who understand they like another bunch of people. that none of the streamers have stopped being human. so you might see people defend things that, maybe, you'd not have thought to defend before. maybe you're even uncomfortable seeing them defending it. this is something you will experience a lot, and you'll learn to properly deal with it as time passes

because again. no one does callouts here unless it is extremely bad. no one cares if you don't really like them. and they also accept people might and will not like them. and that is fine. and that doesn't make either person horrible. you're just different people. and you don't even have to interact

you want to make friends ? ask people things, compliment people's work, genuinely attempt to make conversation. this is not an impersonal website the way twitter is. people don't care about your opinions because they care about you, and you are more than what you don't like

the more positive and jokey and interactive you are the more people will talk to you. there's no "hitting the algorithm", there's no "engagement", it's just people talking to people. so don't be a neg posting bot, and be a person

you will learn to be less miserable. you learn to stop giving a shit and just do what makes you happy. they cannot get you here. there's no qrts. the few antis you'll find can be blocked and you'll never have to directly interact with one. don't be mean to the people in your own community, even if you disagree

again, you are more than what you don't like. learn to be what you like instead. and leave the dooming at the door

[bluwavez]

“Even death has a heart.” ― Markus Zusak, The Book Thief.

IN WHICH ... Did Noah ever really get to be a boy? Or has he been deemed a man from the beginning?

FEATURING ... NOAH SON + SON JINHWA

WORD COUNT ��� 3K

NOTES AND WARNINGS ... Hospitals. Comas. Talks of death. Medical talk. Jinhwa. Abusive parents all around the board minus Naomi, love you legend. Noah is sixteen here. Crying. Grief. Barely proofread. rbs, comments, and asks are always appreciated ♡

“He’s her next of kin.”

“He’s a child.”

“He’s listed as her emergency-”

“He is sixteen,” The doctor sharply whispers to the nurse. Noah can hear them despite them stepping outside the room, so he doesn’t. He bites the inside of his cheek, blinking at his mom as she lies still in her hospital bed. There’s a loud series of beeps from the machine beside her bed. Noah believes that’s the ventilator, and it only makes that noise when she breathes against it. Her eyes flutter sometimes, and her hands move, but she hasn’t spoken a word since yesterday morning. She’s so still.

Noah held tightly onto her hand, finally feeling her skin against his despite having been holding her hand for what had to be hours at this point. She’s cold. She’s really cold. He blinked, a tight feeling in his chest as he rose from the chair he drug over to sit next to her. He lifts her hand to his lips before placing it softly back on her stomach, only taking a few steps to be in the doorframe of her small room.

Rooms are so small in the ICU.

“She’s cold,” Noah’s deep voice announces to the whispering pair outside the room, making their whispers hush and heads turn towards him. “Can I get another blanket for her, please?” His dark eyes bounce between the woman in purple scrubs and the man in the white coat. He has greying hair and skin wrinkles when he forces a smile at Noah, nodding.

“Of course. She’ll get her one right away,” The man in the white coat says, nodding his head to the left, sending the nurse away. Noah watches her before stepping back into the room, the man trailing behind him. He told him his name but Noah can’t remember. He thinks it’s Dr.Han, but he could be Dr.Lee. He’s not too sure, and he can’t bring himself to care. All he can think of is his mother’s name. Naomi. Naomi Tsui. She’s 35 years old, and she likes to make things. She loves to cross stitch, crochet, and paint even though she doesn’t think she’s good at painting. She loves deer and the summertime. She loves Noah more than Noah thinks she should. It’s all Noah can think about now as he sits next to her bed again, knees cracking when he does.

He takes her hand into one of his while his other hand goes to his mouth, chewing on his bitten-down nailbeds. The doctor stands a few feet away from Noah, but Noah doesn’t look up at him. He can’t look away from his mother. His throat gets tighter the longer he looks at her.

“There’s no easy way to say this.” Noah thinks that’s an awful approach but he figures that’s the only way you can approach a situation like this. The doctor takes a deep breath. Noah clears his throat. The machine obnoxiously beeps again, causing Noah to shut his eyes. He hears the doctor shuffle over to mute it for a minute. It’s a process he’s seen various people in scrubs do over a million times now.

Noah opens his eyes when the room is quiet.

“But your mom is not breathing on her own.”

“The machine beeps when she breathes against it.” Noah looks up at the man, who nods sadly. “She has to breathe on her own.”

“Well, yes, but if we take her off the machine…She won’t breathe well enough on her own to fight off the infection. She’ll-”

“She’ll die. She’s already dying. I’m not blind.” Noah doesn’t mean to sound so disrespectful, but he’s not stupid. The doctor clears his throat, nodding and letting a tense silence fall over the room. Noah blinks at his mom, wishing she could tell him what to do right now. There’s a tightening in his throat that turns into heat behind his eyes, making him hold tighter onto her limp hand.

“Son…I wish I could give you good news, but her blood pressure is dropping. When her blood pressure drops, she’ll crash, and her organs will begin to fail. On her paperwork, she’s listed as an organ donor. I’m not saying we-”

“There’s no we,” Noah interrupts, pitifully this time, covering his eyes with the hand not holding his mother’s as his bottom lip quivers and tears begin to spill out. This has happened all day. On and off, he just starts crying because the reality hits him harder than he expects. He can only swallow down his circumstance before it all just comes up in soft sobs and hot tears. The doctor clears his throat.

“I’m sorry, son. I truly am.”

Noah sniffles loudly, uncovering his eyes to rest his elbows on his mother’s bed, holding her hand to his lips. He pitifully looks at her face, making another sob fall from his lips. She doesn’t look like herself. There’s a tube in her throat and in her nose, leaving her mouth slightly ajar. He hates seeing her like this, and he knows she would hate being seen like this. His mom hated leaving the house without some kind of makeup on. She likes to dress up, be pretty, be presentable, as she would say. She would hate this so much.

“What do you want?” Noah asks, not talking to the doctor, but he knows it looks like he is, and he lets him believe it.

“We need to know if you want to sign a DNR for her.” 

Noah’s dark brows knit at the words. Doctors have come in and out of here all day saying words he doesn't know, nor do they explain them to him, so he either nods or asks them to dumb it down for him.

“What’s a DNR?”

The doctor gives Noah a look of pity. Noah’s stomach drops. It can’t be good.

“It stands for “Do Not Resuscitate” which means if her heart were to stop beating-”

“She would die.”

“We would not attempt to resuscitate her.” The doctor finishes with a sad nod. Noah sniffles, looking out the glass window of his mom’s room as he squeezes her hand again. Silently, he pleads to whatever God may exist to put a hand on his shoulder and tell him what to do. He doesn’t even believe in God, but now he wishes he did. 

Footsteps fill the otherwise deathly quiet room. Noah sees a man in a suit rushing down the hall outside the window. Noah stands from his seat, gently placing his mother’s hand on her bed again, rushing past the doctor to the door.

“Dad!” Noah calls, voice shaking when he calls out to him. Jinhwa’s head lifts towards Noah’s direction, a wave of relief crashing over his face as he rushes towards his son, arms open.

“Hanbin,” Jinhwa sighs, taking Noah into his arms when he reaches the threshold of Naomi’s room. His hand rests on the back of Noah’s head, cradling him as he presses his face into his father’s shoulder, sobbing loudly into the fabric of Jinhwa’s fine-pressed suit. Jinhwa rests his cheek on his son’s head, his other head rubbing his back as he soothingly shushes him as if Noah were an infant. Noah holds onto his father’s torso tightly, whimpering and sobbing into his chest, releasing every pent-up cry he’s bit back throughout the entire day. Jinhwa rubs the back of his neck to calm him down, reminding Noah of when he was a child, and he would come in to put him to sleep.

“What happened? I thought she was doing better,” Jinhwa asks Noah quietly before his gaze settles on the doctor. “What’s happening? Why are you talking to my son about this? He’s sixteen, for Christ's sake.” Jinhwa pushes Noah back slightly to look at him, making Noah choke back his sobs and hold his tears back to look stronger when face to face with his father. Still, his jaw clenches, and his bottom lip wobbles. Jinhwa’s hand rests on Noah’s wet cheek, wiping away the remainder of his tears with his thumb. 

“What did they tell you? I told you to call me if they started using words you didn’t understand,” Jinhwa reminds Noah, his voice soft and consoling but tears still run down Noah’s cheeks as he balls his father’s shirt in his trembling hands.

“You didn’t pick up,” Noah whispers, his voice pitching slightly. He sees regret flash in his father’s eyes as he tilts his head slightly at his son. “They used words I didn’t understand all day. I-I didn’t want to bother you after the fourth time, and then you didn’t pick up, and I-”

Jinhwa shushes Noah again, pulling his head to his chest again, holding him like a child. Despite being only sixteen, Noah is massive. He’s already six feet two with wide shoulders. His mother says he got that from her father, but he’s never met him and probably never will. 

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry, Binnie. I’m here now,” Jinhwa whispers, kissing the side of Noah’s head before pushing him back again to make eye contact, nodding when their eyes meet, his hand still on the back of Noah’s neck. Noah nods, a tight sob leaving his throat despite his fight to keep it bottled in. “And we’ll figure this out together, okay?”

Noah nods, sobbing again.

“Okay.”

Noah is alone with his mother again. His hand holding hers again. Now, she has a pink blanket draped over her unmoving body. The machines are beeping annoyingly again. The sun has gone down. His father is still talking with the doctor.

Noah doesn’t understand the legalities of the DNR. He doesn’t care to. All he’s grasping is that his father isn’t married to his mother and isn’t mentioned in her will, leaving Noah as her only kin. When asked about her parents, the doctors told them that they refused to speak to them, claiming they didn’t have a daughter named Naomi anymore. Noah heard whispers of her parents disowning her for his birth, but he didn’t know it was so deeply rooted they would refuse to acknowledge her dying. It leaves Noah with a rock in his stomach. His mother was nothing but kind. She was a good mom and took care of everyone. She was supposed to be a nurse before Noah was born. Noah bit the inside of his cheek, looking down at the aluminum tiles on the ground as the nurse in the purple scrubs came in to fix her breathing tube.

While looking at the ground, he sees a bag of yellow liquid attached to her bed with a tube going up and under her blankets. Noah blinks at the bag, unsure of what it is.

“What is that?” Noah asks the nurse calmly. The nurse looks behind her shoulder to where Noah is pointing.

“That’s her urinary catheter,” She answers, causing Noah’s brows to knit, blinking at the bag a few times before finally looking up at the nurse.

“So, that’s her piss?” The nurse blinked at him, unable to read how he felt as his face read of nothing, but his tone was hard. She nods.

“Basically. She can’t control her bladder right now, so the tube drains it into that bag.” It’s the most straightforward anyone has been with him all day. He nods, forcing a small and short smile before looking at his mother’s face again.

She would hate that. She would hate this. Having a bag of piss attached to her bed–God, just the thought of the face she would make has Noah sitting up straighter and biting the inside of his cheek. He looks outside the window, watching his father talk to the doctor with a look of agitation on his face. Noah blinks, looking back at his mom, nodding as he leans in closer to her face.

“Mama,” Noah whispers in English. She never spoke Korean to him. She didn’t think she was good at it. Her hand twitches, and he can feel his eyes get wet. “I love you. I-I really love you so much. I should’ve told you that more, but you’re my favorite person in the whole world. I love you so much. You…You’ve taken such good care of me-” Noah stops when his throat closes on him, making his eyes shut tightly and tears slip down onto his sheets. A droplet lands on the back of her hand, making Noah bring her knuckles to his lips again. He kisses her cold skin once more.

“I’m going to take care of you now, okay? I’m gonna–I’m gonna take care of this, okay? You don’t have to fight anymore unless you want to,” Noah tells her with a deep breath, reaching up to brush her long black hair behind her ear. “You can rest now. It’s okay.”

Noah leans forward, pressing his lips to her forehead. She’s cold even with the blankets.

Noah sniffles, looking at the nurse who stands by the ventilator with a sorrowful look in her eyes. Noah clears his throat, motioning towards his mom when he stands from his chair.

“Can you stay in here with her? Please?” For a moment,, it looked like she might refuse, but when she saw Noah still holding her hand like a lost child, she nodded and offered Noah a superficial smile.

Noah gently lays his mother’s hand down on the bed to leave the room, walking over to where his father and the doctor were. He can hear them talking about options and procedures that could be done to give his mother more time but they fall silent when Noah approaches. Jinhwa puts his hand on Noah’s shoulder but Noah doesn’t look at him.

“I want to sign the DNR.”

“Hanbin,” Jinhwa says sharply. Noah’s eyes divert to the floor at the sound of his father’s voice. “This isn’t your choice. You’re far too young, and there are options–”

“Are there actually options, Dad? Or is this prolonging the inevitable?” Noah asks, looking up at him to be met with a cold gaze. Jinhwa’s hand tightens on Noah’s shoulder, making Noah grit his teeth slightly at the dull pain that shoots through his body. Noah’s gaze turns towards the doctor with a raise of his brows.

“Give me the DNR.”

“Noah.” Jinhwa’s voice echoes through the halls, causing nurses to look up from their paperwork. Noah turns his attention to his dad, pointing towards his mother’s room.

“She has a bag of piss hanging off her bed. You know her, Dad. She would hate this. This would be humiliating for her,” Noah explains to him, but Jinhwa looks unwavering, causing Noah to shake his head. “This isn’t what she wants, and you know it.”

Jinhwa exhales a breath he doesn’t know he’s holding, clearing his throat as he rubs the lower half of his face. He shakes his head, letting go of Noah’s shoulder.

“You’re letting her die.”

“That’s not fair, Dad.”

“You’re just giving up on her,” Jinhwa persists, motioning towards Naomi’s room. “He’s giving us options–”

“The options are shit, Dad! We either keep letting them pump her full of drugs, ruin her organs, and then she dies anyway! We get what? Two? Three more days of her unconscious in a bed? You know she would hate that! She would hate this!” Jinhwa gives Noah a warning look when he raises his voice at him, letting go of his shoulder to turn away from him with a loud sigh. Noah knows he’s calming himself down. He’s heard that sigh plenty of times throughout his life. 

The doctor looks between the two of them.

“Ultimately, it’s up to Noah–”

“Shut the fuck up,” Jinhwa groans when the doctor starts to speak again, turning away from home with a frustrated groan. The man nods with curled lips. Noah stares at his father, who avoids his gaze. 

“I’m doing what she wants. Do you think she wants to be a vegetable? You know her,” Noah says. He doesn’t know why he’s trying to reason with his father about this. When his dad is pissed, all he cares about is being right or getting his way. Reason and logic don’t matter whenever he’s angry. Still, Jinhwa meets Noah’s gaze, jaw tight and eyes dark.

“You’re being selfish.” Noah feels the sting of his words in his chest, but he tightens his posture and grits his teeth to prevent his bottom lip from wobbling.

“I’m doing what she wants. I’m sorry you don’t like it,” Noah says with the strongest voice he can muster. He looks back at the doctor, who stands with his hands locked in front of him, only looking up over his thin-rimmed glasses when Noah looks at him. Noah nods, releasing a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“What’s next?”

Noah soon learns that there’s a lot of paperwork revolving around dying. He’s scribbled his signature what feels like two thousand times before it’s finally done, and he’s back in his mother’s room. He’s sitting on her left side, and his father is sitting on her right. They both hold one of her hands. Jinhwa hasn’t stopped looking at her face since he got in here. Noah just stares at her hand. She stopped twitching hours ago. Any sign of life seems to be made by the machines she’s attached to.

The room has been silent for a solid hour. Noah wishes his dad would say something to break the silence but he doesn’t. He holds onto it to punish his son like he always did. Noah looks up at his mom’s face, sighing softly.

“She wouldn’t want you to see her like this,” Noah whispers. Jinhwa doesn’t say anything. “She told me she didn’t even let you in the delivery room because she didn’t want you to see her sweaty and crying.”

Jinhwa shuts his eyes, chuckling softly. He nods.

“I tried to go in, and she told me to get the fuck out,” He reminisces quietly. Noah laughs through his nose, smiling genuinely for the first time in what feels like years. Jinhwa looks up at Naomi’s face, stroking her cheek silently with the back of his hand. “She never knew how beautiful she was…I never understood it.”

Then, there was silence again. Noah rubs his lips together, biting the inside of his cheeks when he looks at his mother’s face, realizing he’ll never see her eyes fully open again. His lips curl in as hot tears flash in his eyes, making him hold tighter onto her hand.

“I don’t understand why this happened to her,” Noah admits softly, not expecting a response from his father. He doesn’t get one. Jinhwa doesn’t even look at him. “None of this makes sense. I don’t know why her. She’s such a good person. This shouldn’t have–”

“Hanbin,” Jinhwa interrupts sharply, causing Noah’s teary eyes to look up at his father. Jinhwa’s gaze is filled with disappointment and contempt, making Noah feel like he’s two feet tall. “Stop crying. You made this choice. Deal with it like a man, and stop fucking crying.”

Noah’s watery eyes stare at Jinhwa for a sign of remorse or even some comfort, but he’s granted none. All he’s given is a coldness a judge would give a murderer. Noah feels sick, but he doesn’t move from his chair. He blinks at Jinhwa a few more times before turning his gaze back to his mother.

Noah doesn’t say another word for the rest of the night.

[gunmetal-ring]

anon again. i'm sorry that i keep coming to you with this depressing messages but you seem like one of the few sane ppl in this fandom and i appreciate your honesty.

truth is im feeling really disillusioned with hellcheer lately. we don't have a lot of "canon" content so after a while, it gets tiring going thru the same 2 scenes over and over again (especially when one of them involves chrissy's death). ive been relying on fandom but it seems like it's slowed down. fics arent updated as frequently, not a lot of new artwork.

heck, even joe and grace have moved on. joe's career is taking off. grace is leaving acting. it just feels like everything that happened last summer has come to an end :(

Aw anon thats okay. Ty for thinking of my feelings though 💓 (and also im flattered that you think im sane lmao)

Unfortunately its the way things go, especially with small ships, especially especially in a fandom as hostile as this one is. People come together and build community and share their love for characters and then g(r)o(w) their separate ways again.

But not everybody does! You and me, for example. And ive got plenty of hellcheer mutuals that seem perfectly content to draw, write, and rb their little hearts out.

I for one am absolutely astounded that theres even a fandom for hellcheer, let alone one with such talent and breadth and depth of love! Our characters had 2 scenes. Our girl was killed just as it all began. Our boy died with her name on his lips. In all likelihood we will never see them together on our screens again.

But somehow. Those ~10 minutes managed to foster an entire community of people and keep us engaged and in love w the characters for almost a year at this point! With no dangling promises or false hope or anything! Like we all know the score and we still go hard for hellcheer. Incredible.

Idk maybe it's just bc ive only had brainworms like this for 2 other ships and 1 of them is even smaller and the other one is a clusterfuck of unimaginable proportions, so im a little biased in terms of community/fandom, but im just like... idk. I think its really incredible thats all. And a testament to the very real power and truth of hellcheer 🥰

All i can say anon is that the best way to keep a fandom/ship going is engagement. Likes on tumblr and kudos on ao3 are great. But whats even better and more motivating (and i say this as a fic writer/meme shitposter so im speaking the total truth lol) is reblogs and comments. Tell people how much you love their work and how much it means to you, it goes a very long way. And on the flip side of that - stay out of the infighting. All it does is sap your mental energy and the fandom infighting bullshit is a major contributor to why people leave. The negativity and bitterness warp your perspective and make it really hard to remember what we're here for - it's not anti-st*ddie or anti-qu*nn stans or anti-anti-hellcheer or what the fuck ever. We're here for hellcheer!

Sorry my $0.02 is now $2.00 bc i ramble lol its a fatal flaw of mine. Anyway im sorry if this is annoyingly positive or dismissive but im in a strangely upbeat mood rn so there you have it

[littlebearnation]

Honestly when I heard Franco was replacing Logan I had flashbacks to Canapino's fans in Indycar (they verbally abused and threatened Theo Pourchaire and Callum Ilott) and I was worried there would be a lot of overlap and I feel like there was some, I've met some nice Franco fans but some are really rude especially when you prefer Jack or Logan

I completely agree with the list of nice fans, Lance, Mick and Esteban fans are some of the nicest people I've met on here, I feel like the Bottas/Hulkenberg/Magnussen fans are pretty chill too

Also I respect Yuki fans so much mate, they point out the racist bullshit at Red Bull (which there is plenty of) without attacking Liam, Max, Checo or Daniel or wishing failure on them for just driving, makes me cheer so hard for Yuki 💙

I'm a Charles fan (not my favorite, that's Oscar) so I think he's quite good, some of us are a bit insane though, I freely admit that 😅

-💙

i tried to like franco when it was announced he was replacing logan because it wasn't his fault, yknow? but then... all i ever heard was how much better he was. even my dad, who is hard of hearing, got sick and tired of hearing his name from the sky sports commentators. every race weekend, the phrase "circlejerk over franco" could be heard from mine or my dad's mouth lol (i also dont like franco after seeing that he liked a post that attacked logan/mick but i digress)

lance 🤝 mick 🤝 esteban 🤝 having the best, chillest yet most defensive fans ever. seriously, i love the three of them so much and ive never met a single shitty fan of the three of em like? also yes! never met a bottas/hulkenberg/magnussen fan who made me wanna tear my hair out. in fact, it was hulk/mag's fans that made me love them as much as i did! i am teams mick & kevin in WEC this year for a reason!!

as a yuki fan who comes from a racist family, i was very nervous about how they'd react to him being my fave but a) i guess im very fkn predictable bcuz no one cared but also b) i turned my dad into a fucking yuki fan and all of my family agrees that yuki should've gotten the red bull seat. its AHHHHHHHH the racism is SO BAD. i don't like max but i'd never attack him because like.. im not stupid. i actually rlly love liam and it broke my heart when i realised it was him vs. yuki for the rb seat :(. my sister's fave driver ever is dannyric so i legally cannot hate him and GAH checo. deserved. BETTER.

i think charles is a fantastic driver - certainly deserving of that praise - but like. outside of that? yall.. i do not care. im SORRY aha. also, as an oscar fan myself, i lowkey hate oscar fans. leave us lando fans alone PLS. (then again, same goes for vice versa. papaya fans stop fighting!)

[pestkit]

PINNED POST ???? awezum ! Yeah I'm just copy pasting from our pinned post on Twitter. I can't be bothered to remake it

★ This is a blog dedicated to Pest (Regretevator) x Medkit (Phighting!), a silly crackship that we got too attached to. Please h ☆ We post/rb art, memes, or just... whatever. It's all Pestkit. Go crazy ★ May have lore. Not saying what tho ☆ I can't be bothered to double check which drawings were already posted to this hellsite, so if you see duplicates from when Kas posted some of his, that's why.

★ Twitter (archived) // Strawpage // Bluesky

Below the break is more info, including a trigger list, DNI, and misc info. Everything here was last updated 10/20/24.

TAGS - ☆ These are for our posts specifically, submitted and reblogged posts will not have these.

🍂 - Anonymous / whoever in the system wants to make art but isn't too into it (or Damien) 🕸 - Pest 👾 - Kasper 💼 - Medkit 💙 - Vix

DNI LIST - ★

☆ Basic DNI applies; we don't tolerate you here if you fit the list ❤

TRIGGERS - ☆

★ Lots of YAOI ⚠ (or yuri from Vix), if that isn't your thing, LEAVE! (JOKE) ☆ (Serious) There may be mentions of drugs/alcohol, blood/death, and nsx nudity. We'll try our best to label each post that applies to these. ★ All art will be SFW regardless :3

TAGS - ��

#pestkit - Main tag #submission - Submitted posts by other people #strawpage - Strawpage asks / art, may be tagged along with #submission

MISC - ☆

☆ We sprinkle our own headcanons and designs onto these two, so if the art looks a little different each time, that's why! Lore-wise we're trying to stay in-character, but no guarantees it'll be 1-1. (Our Pest and Medkit like to project onto this ship, so!) ★ Please refrain from replying with any NSFW comments (silly suggestive MAY BE ok), we will throw you into the disco meat grinder ty <3 ☆ Ask box here and on our strawpage are open for any suggestions / ideas, no guarantees we'll do them, but it doesn't hurt to try! :3 ★ We do have a Phightevator server, IT IS NOT PESTKIT ORIENTED but rather a place for people that like the concept of Phighting + Regretevator (and just a cool hangout server) (join) [ https://discord.gg/Vp3y8vny3H ] ☆ Post submissions are always open, PLEASE follow the guidelines, otherwise we'll just ignore you. Same goes for asks on here and our strawpage, please have common courtesy. If you send hate, feel free to bite my shiny metal a ★ This blog is ran by @heyitsdamiien (acc/main blog) / @ambereign (art blog). ☆ Stagbeetle is an alternate name for the ship, we just don't use it often so people don't get confused for the bug itself.

[iviarellereads]

Full TLT series to date thoughts on rereading Harrow the Ninth paperback supplementary materials through Nona the Ninth chapter 5

A probably semi-regular weekly bonus to my reread blog, since sometimes you realize things on reread that just make you need to yell in a full spoiler space.

I guess I missed that the RBs were numbered in order of discovery, I never really looked at this glossary closely before. I still wonder if they're directly related to the House numbers or not though.

It gives me a little frisson that Judith was in the "Dve Territorials". Too bad she wasn't like… conscious enough to really meet Pyrrha during Nona. That could've been neat. I don't foresee it taking up page space in Alecto, though.

"Accepting a body that no longer works is akin to what I imagine amnesia is like." This is just rude knowing what Nona's book goes into. ;~;

The opening poem in Nona is one of the big sources of my theory that John Resurrected multiple times. First-draft dreams, and "This time will be the time we get it right". Let's say it again together: I need Alecto SO BAD, RIGHT NOW, PLEASE.

I also need Alecto to come and confirm/deny how much of each story of the Resurrection is true. The way Mercy and August talked, it kinda felt like they weren't with John before the Resurrection, but obviously John's Nona-Harrow dreams say rather explicitly that they were, or their dead selves were. The order of the Saints seems basically correct, the order of their cavs is less clear on both ends.

It's very interesting how the icons change so entirely for Nona's book. The Locked Tomb signifying Nona-centric chapters is such an intense hint as to who she is that I completely missed. The fruit tree as the Blood of Eden is a masterpiece, given how chapter 3 starts. The castle/tower for the Tower Princes later. Fantastic. Though, VERY curious how the Tower Princes name ties back into the River's Tower…

"All four pairs of their eyes belonged to other people." Oh gosh. It's funny to find these little lines on reread, because it's still true for Nona, her eyes are John's, not Gideon's. And of course, Pyrrha heard the arguments, knows who Gideon is, but wouldn't have context to suggest that Nona's eyes belong to Alecto instead of Gideon because she doesn't know Harrow touched the Tomb.

Pyrrha's reference to "the Bureau" making me think of how she remembers G1deon's old name (deadname? I still feel weird about what to call the original names since we still don't know how many were taken willingly) and now I wonder if that's what era this refers to, or if she was in some bureau post-Res.

This isn't really just an all-spoiler comment but I love thinking about which names Nona is hearing as names and which she's hearing as words with her language translation.

Nona feeling a tantrum coming with the kids… ohhhh boy that is so much more ominous after seeing the third tantrum. She could be exaggerating her feelings, because that's also a thing kids do when they don't have enough emotional regulation to understand where they are relatively, but still.

It makes Nona sad that Pal can do necromancy, why? Because it makes Alecto sad? Has this been addressed in an essay post? I feel like there's a lot going on here, and I wonder if it's more "Alecto is sad at the reminder of who John was-is to her" or "Alecto gave the power to John before she was Alecto, and it makes her sad that he shared it and bred it out without her permission", or if Nona's sad because it's a reminder of being Alecto. My best guess is 1 and 3 of those, less 2 or I think it would've come up before she was locked away.

[markets]

so twitter is here now huh

welcome! twitter is hell so glad to have you guys. im doing the same thiing everyone else is doing, tumblr advice for new people under the cut, if you dont feel like reading it all the most important things are in bold (click keep reading):

- since its relevant, if a post is very long use one of those things ^ so that its more comfortable for people scrolling! its the one on the right below. theres no character limit on here so please use this when necessary lol

- reblogging stuff you like is important, especially art and writing! thats really the only way to push content on here and the like to rb ratio on mcytblr tends to be terrible so its very appreciated. if you REALLY like it you can leave nice comments in the reply section or in the tags as well! people appreciate them a lot :] if you want to rb something but dont want it appearing on your blog right now, theres a little arrow next to the post button and if you click on it, you’ll get the option to queue the post, meaning it appears on your blog later (you can adjust exactly when in the queue settings, found under the little profile icon)

- you can choose how private you want to be. ive seen so many people be like “dont say your name. dont say your age. dont make an intro post.” or “put your entire medical history in your carrd” but i feel like you can choose how you want to present yourself on here! you dont have to say anything about yourself if you want, or you can make a fun intro post/carrd with the things you like, or you can just say your name (or moniker), whether youre a minor or not, and pronouns, or anything else! its up to you, and here you dont really have to worry about getting doxxed so. obviously dont give out your address or anything but yeah :]

- ^kind of going off what i just said, if you want friends on here, you can make an intro/looking for mutuals post and put your interests in the tag section! thats how i found lots of my mutuals. honestly just use the tags in general, because its the only way to get your posts out there other than rbs and its much better than speaking into the void. dont put tags unrelated to the post itself though, people dont really like it. tumblr prioritizes the first 5 tags on a post ive heard, so be mindful of that, especially if youre an artist or writer!

- on the subject of tags, if youre going to critique a dsmp character, feel free to do so, just tag it appropriately! for example, if youre making a post that criticizes c!philza, tag it as #c!philza critical. also, please dont tag dsmp/mcyt posts as mine//craft or mine//blr (censoring it so it doesnt appear in the search), people who just want to hear about the game dont appreciate it. also, please dont tag or1gin smp (censoring again) for posts about the hybrid smp with tommy, ranboo, tubbo, etc because an active fandom already uses that tag, use osmp instead :]

- discourse isnt really common on here, but if youre going to talk about it, tag it as #discourse so that people can blacklist it. oh yeah i forgot to talk about that, you can blacklist tags in settings, which is great for triggers or anything you just dont want to see. id suggest blacklisting all forms of whatever the tag is (for example, dont just blacklist #tw gore, blacklist #gore tw, #gore cw, #cw gore, and #gore as well). lots of blogs (like mine) operate on an ask to tag basis, meaning that if you send them an ask asking to tag a specific thing, they will!

- speaking of asks, people love them! ive never met someone who doesnt like getting an ask, regardless of how random it is. if you like someones content or want to be their friend, feel free to send an ask, anonymous or not! i think this goes without saying but just in case, sending anon hate is heavily frowned upon, its kind of a pussy move as well tbh so dont do it

- other than the occasional weirdo mcytblr/dsmpblr is pretty chill, so try not to start fights in main tags for no reason lol please i dont want to have to migrate to linkedin or some shit. if you see something you dont like, the best move is to just block them and move on. literally just block anyone you dont like itll make everything so much more pleasant i promise. however if you do want to start a fight my asks are always open <3333

overall, just dont be an asshole and have fun!! here are some blogs id recommend following: 

mine lol pls give me clout, @relaxxationattack, @cyani07, @night-and-dae, @otteritos, @esclapo, @periwinklemoonlight, @minecraftsz, @timedeo, @poorlydrawndsmp, @tittybitch, @lnniter​​, @girlbossinnit,​ @trickszie​ (if youre on here we’re mutuals and/or i think you’re really cool so hiiii)

[wonderlustlucas]

jack pot ; part 1 - hwang hyunjin

⇢ prompt You know it’s bad when you’re high as a kite and he’s still on your mind. ⇢ pairing hwang hyunjin x female reader, seo changbin x female reader for like 2 minutes ⇢ word count 7.5k ⇢ genre fluff, angst (not heavy, just in a slow burn kind of way), slight smut ⇢ warnings drug use!!! & lots of it (marijuana), grinding, implied smut ⇢ summary College is a matter of working hard and playing hard. It’s an opportunity to start fresh, to grow as an individual and to blossom with those you befriend. People come and people go, leaving their mark on your life and showing you all the parts of becoming an adult. Some, however, do more than leave their mark. Some take just as much as they give. Things become complicated once they take the entirety of your love because you outright offered it to them.—college!au ; stoner!au ; friends to lovers!au ⇢ a/n yo!!! disclaimer: this initially was going to just be a long one shot but i decided to split it up into 3 parts, so just to let u all know part 1 & 2 does not have a ton of hyunjin interaction, they’re more character/plot building. part 3 is when things will get spicy ♥︎ i hope u enjoy! if u rb make sure to let me know what u thought in the tags mwah also i finally switched from ___ to yn are u guys proud of me :)

prelude.

Sometimes you really, truly, honestly think you could go right ahead and kill Han Jisung.

You say it all the time. Sometimes it’s a simple, “I will literally kill you,” or when you are feeling extra spicy, “Sleep with one eye open tonight.” He, of course, laughs it off like you aren’t vibrating with the urge to kick his kneecaps in. You seriously have lost count of all the times he has brought you to the brink of insanity.

And honestly, you have watched enough murder documentaries on Netflix that you probably could do it, but, you know, spending the rest of your life in prison does not sound that appealing. Plus, there’s the ever-troubling detail that Han Jisung is the closest thing you have to a best friend. So, it sort of goes against your basic human morals to backstab—literally—the most important human in your life.

But he really makes you crazy. Why you agreed to share an apartment with him in the first place is a mystery, but the fact that you leased it again for junior year is what really makes you lose sleep at night. Because, while he may be your best friend, Jisung is the epitome of a little shit. If such a compound word was in the dictionary, it simply would say ‘Han Jisung.’ Somehow, though, it makes you love him even more. Maybe it’s true that ‘opposites attract,’ or, perhaps, maybe it’s because no matter how much embarrassment and general self-loathing he may have caused you in the past, it has benefitted you in the end.

For example, his constant teasing about your lack of friends eventually led to you befriending a group of girls you always admired from afar. His snarky comments concerning your nonexistent social life finally got to you and now you can proudly wear the title of one of the best beer pong players in your class. His presence in general has taught you to stand up for yourself and what you believe in, whether it’s against him, your parents, a toxic friend, hell, even a professor. Proving people wrong, especially Jisung, is your favorite pastime.

Sometimes, though, it’s not that easy.

There’s one area in your life where you have accepted defeat. One area in your life where Jisung has his most fun. One area, or, perhaps one person, where you simply cannot step beyond your comfort zone.

Hwang Hyunjin is your Achilles tendon and Jisung is the arrow. There are times, along with all the times you’ve considered strangling Jisung in his sleep, where you have sat and actually prayed to the gods to send someone else. Someone not nearly as perfect as Hyunjin and someone not nearly as unattainable. Alas, these prayers, hook-ups, Tinder dates, anything to get him off your mind has proved futile; because here you are three years later, stuck with this stupid, absolutely infuriating crush on the only boy who has ever owned your heart because you outright gave it to him.

one.

You are beginning to think the two bubbly junior girls who led the campus tour you attended last year lied about the dining hall.

Correction: they one hundred percent lied.

Because even though the newly renovated food court looks nice—unscratched linoleum floors, shiny marble countertops and all sorts of seating to choose from—there must be something fishy going on with the cooks. Literally. Just last week, an upperclassman had a breakdown when she forked into her tuna (why anyone would want college seafood is another story) to find a worm right there in the middle of it. You have found little shards of glass in the yogurt and bugs even at You-Cook, but that’s all a part of the college experience, right?

“Are you sure there’s no spiders or anything? Did you check?” Beside you, Maddie watches with furrowed brows as you spoon a hefty serving of scrambled eggs onto your plate. Chuckling, you move down to grab a few sausages and a chocolate chip muffin before they are gone for the rest of the day; Lord knows, you are only a month in and carbohydrates have quickly become your emotional support, just like everyone else. “Yes, I checked,” you assure her, hiding a laugh with your hand as she leans over to further scrutinize the eggs, “I didn’t see any arachnids.”

“Good,” she hums, satisfied with your answer, “can you grab a banana muffin for me? They’re usually at the bottom.”

Nodding, you turn back to the blessed muffin basket, pushing away blueberry, corn, double chocolate, all because Maddie has to be different and go for the macadamia nut banana.

“Are those the dinosaur socks they were selling on move-in day?” In front of you, someone asks, and your first instinct is to look down at your feet just to confirm. 8:30 calculus simply turns your brain to mush and remembering how you dressed for the day is near impossible. “Yes!” Laughing, you lift your leg to get a closer look at the cute green t-rexes on skates. “I was sold once I heard they were a dollar.”

Tearing your gaze away from said socks, you look up and suddenly feel as if you have bumped into an angel. Maybe there were spiders in the eggs, deadly poisonous spiders that crawled up the spoon while you weren’t paying attention and bit your hand and now you are dead and this is the angel leading you to the heavens. That, or this simply is the most beautiful human you have ever seen up close and your brain does not know how to process it. Well, maybe that’s a little extreme, but you definitely have never been so starstruck in your life.

The boy in front of you says something but you don’t hear it, senses and thoughts momentarily Off™ as you gawk at him. Aside from the deep undereye bags you all have claimed the past few weeks, this stranger is as close to perfect as you can get. Sure, Seungmin and his roommates are pretty cute—but what the fuck?

Something tells you that you have been silently staring at him, wide-eyed and mouth hanging open for far too long when his brows raise in a mix of confusion and expectation. Shit. What did he say? Synapses suddenly shooting like fireworks in your brain, you desperately try to remember his reply but instead, all you had focused on was the plumpness of his lips as he spoke and not the words themselves.

Clearing your throat, you blink once, twice, hoping you were hallucinating the whole time and the boy in front of you is not Hercules incarnate.

Lucky for you or him, you can’t tell, but he is still as attractive as he was two seconds ago. “Sorry, what?” You blurt, loud, too loud, flinching at the sound of your own voice. Instead of recognizing that you are totally off your rocker, he smiles, a soft, toothy smile that has your muscles turning to goo.

“I said I bought them, too,” cutest-boy-in-the-universe repeats, looking down and you follow his gaze, “my roommates were making fun of me, so I’m glad I finally found someone who bought them.” Alas, as he tugs at the fabric of his jeans to slightly lift the cuff you see that he, too, wears the same socks. You think you’re in love.

“Well, your roommates clearly have no taste,” you deadpan, shakily meeting his eyes once he looks back up. He laughs softly, eyes scrunching at the action and you positively swoon until silence settles over you and he takes the opportunity to regard you, gaze sweeping down your frame and up again. You hold your breath because, 1) holy shit, you would get on your knees for him right now and 2) you suddenly wish you were wearing more than the ‘just-woke-up-to-get-pegged-by-calc’ fit.

“I’m Hyunjin,” he finally says and you release all the air trapped in your lungs. “YN,” you return, grasping his outreached hand and thanking the heavens it is as sweaty as yours. “Well, it was nice to meet you, YN,” Hyunjin proceeds, releasing your hand and offering a gentle smile.

“You too, Mr. Sock Man,” you grin, rocking on your heels and realizing with a pang of disappointment that your breakfast has probably gone cold. Well, that’s okay, because right now you are totally content standing here in the middle of the dining hall, silently staring at this Hyunjin with a stupid smile plastered on your face. And the best part? He apparently is just fine doing that, too.

“YN!” Somewhere behind you, Maddie calls your name and it thrusts you head-first back into reality. “Did you find a banana muffin? I can’t find— oh. Who’s this?” Appearing beside you, visibly shocked having found you in a staring contest with a very tall, very cute boy. “Oh, uh,” you huff out a laugh, scrambling to get yourself together, “Hyunjin, this is Maddie, my roommate. Maddie, this is Hyunjin. We have the same socks.”

Brows shooting up at the puzzling introduction, Maddie bites back a laugh and looks back and forth between you and Hyunjin. “Well, you don’t hear that every day,” smiling to hide her confusion, she offers him a small wave with her hand full of muffin packs, “nice to meet you.”

Hyunjin smiles in return, gaze quickly returning to you. “I’ll be off, then. Gotta get the waffles while they’re still warm. I’ll see you around.”

And before you know it, he’s off toward the other end of the breakfast counter.

“Um, what the fuck?” Maddie whispers excitedly as you make your way toward your usual table, elbow repeatedly jabbing into your side. “I have no idea what just happened. I think I’m dreaming,” you sigh blissfully, relieved to find that Jisung and Seungmin were able to claim your favorite booth. “No, definitely not dreaming. He’s totally into you. You have to hang out.”

“What?” You sputter, nearly tripping over your own two feet. Then, lowering your voice as you near the two boys, “I – no, he isn’t. How can you tell? That was like, the cutest guy I’ve ever talked to, and you think he’s into me?”

“Who’s the cutest guy ever?” Jisung pipes up, eyes lighting up and you curse him and his fucking bat hearing.

“No one,” you grumble, smiling softly at Seungmin when he gets up so you don’t have to sit on the end, leaving Maddie to sit next to the other one. “Is it me?” Jisung grins with a flutter of his eyelashes. He’s convinced the only reason you dislike him is because you’ve actually fallen in love with him, but that’s far from the truth. You don’t even dislike him—he’s just one of the first guys you’ve met who meets your sarcasm with as much ferocity, and that is a hard pill to swallow.

“In your dreams, Han,” you sneer, gracing him with a dramatic eye roll before tearing open the bag of your muffin. Comfortable conversation quickly falls into place as you eat, complaints about your classes, Seungmin trying to convince you to join them at the first party they will be attending while Jisung mocks you for wanting to stay home, Maddie asking where Felix is and Seungmin explaining that he got so high last night he ended up staying up past four playing Overwatch and is currently sleeping past all his classes.

Then, in the midst of guzzling your apple juice, Jisung leans out of his seat to call down the aisle. “Hwang! Come pull a chair over!”

Curiosity peaked, you wipe your mouth with the back of your hand and crane your neck to see over Seungmin’s fat head for who this ‘Hwang’ could be until, like the universe is really trying to kill you, the Hyunjin you met not even ten minutes ago has reached your table. “Hey,” he grins brightly, dabbing up the two boys before he glances to you, mouth promptly falling open. Certain you mirror the same expression, you struggle to find your words as Jisung and Seungmin look between you in shared confusion. “First we share socks, now it’s these dumpheads?”

Ignoring the way they scowl, Hyunjin giggles shamelessly and grabs a chair from an adjacent table to sit at the head of your booth. “It would seem that way.”

“Woah, woah, woah. Slow down. You guys know each other?” Jisung scoffs in disbelief, pointedly looking at you as if you’ve gone and disproved everything he pegged of you. “We just met,” Hyunjin replies with a shy smile, sparing you a quick glance before cutting into his waffle. Jisung looks to you and you offer an affirmative nod.

“And how are you guys friends?” Maddie asks, sensing your panic. “He’s Changbin and Minho’s roommate,” Seungmin answers.

You choke on a mouthful of juice.

“Christ, you good?” Seungmin snickers, offering a few slaps to your back. With a muffled yes, you look to Hyunjin with pleading eyes. “Please don’t tell them I said they have no taste.”

He laughs, arching a brow at you. “No way. They’ll get a kick out of that.”

“Oh, Christ,” faking a cry, you bury your face into your palms, “so much for making friends.”

“It’s okay, YN,” Jisung soothes with faux sympathy, “no one wants to be your friend anyway.”

Scoffing, the table quickly falls silent when you look up with rage in your eyes. “I bet when someone asks your parents about you, they change the subject,” you spit, shooting daggers at him before stabbing your fork into an innocent chunk of egg. To your utmost surprise but total delight, the other three burst into a fit of laughter, leaving you smirking smugly and Jisung sulking.

“Anyway,” Maddie promptly changes the subject back to her chemistry professor who has started every class playing Britney Spears. Tucked away in your corner finishing the last of your sausage and stifling the urge to get up for more, it isn’t until Hyunjin begins to speak do you realize that you have been quietly watching him the entire time. You would blame the soft morning sunshine shining through the windows and illuminating the right side of his face for making him look so ethereal, but you know that isn’t the case; from short, messy black hair, silver hoop earrings, thick, defined brows, the soft curves of his nose and the pouty fullness of his lips, you are totally, completely mesmerized.

And then, the sole of a sneaker is slammed right into your shin. “OW!” You yelp, loud, and for a moment you forget the pain in favor of the embarrassment that comes with the number of heads that turn to look at you. “Sorry. Bit my tongue,” you lie, earning an unconvinced look from Maddie. “Go on,” you nod toward Hyunjin to continue whatever he was saying before directing a furious glare to Jisung, who fails to hide his triumphant smirk as he enthusiastically types on his phone.

Just as you have bent down to rub at your throbbing leg, your phone vibrates twice against the table.

han jisung [now] stop staring, ur lucky hwang is as dense as a rock or he would have left a long time ago bc of you

han jisung [now] so THAT’S the ‘cutest guy ever’ huh? so ur straight after all

Squeezing your hands into fists, you prepare to fire back a reply that will have him crying. But he has different plans.

“Oh, Hyunjin, did YN tell you she’s a dancer, too?” He exaggerates your previous mention of dancing and has the audacity to wink at you. Thanks, Mr. Match Maker.

“Really?” Hyunjin gasps excitedly, eyes lighting up and totally missing the flabbergasted what? that sputters from your lips.

“I – well, no,” you hiss, scowling at Jisung, “I used to do ballet when I was younger but that’s it. Why, though? Do you dance?”

“He’s here on a scholarship,” Seungmin explains, “and minors in creative writing.”

“Oh,” you squeak, glancing to Hyunjin who is all but smiling like a cherub, completely oblivious, “that’s amazing. You must have a crazy schedule.” Chewing the last of his waffle, he hums in agreement. “Yeah, it gets really stressful at times. But it’s worth it,” Hyunjin chuckles. Then fucking winks.

Unable to hold his gaze, you whip your head back around in a panic and reach for the mere sip left of your juice. “Speaking of crazy schedules,” he hums, slapping both Jisung and Seungmin on the shoulders, “I must head out. This was fun. I may start crashing the party more now.” Rising from his seat, Hyunjin swings his bag over a shoulder and grins brightly. Realizing it would be rude to not say goodbye, you force yourself to look back to him and offer a feeble wave.

“And YN, don’t bite your tongue when you eat, yeah?”

You’re going to pass out.

two.

Felix likes to think of you as his corrupted child when it comes to smoking weed.

A few weeks before you would all be returning home for winter break, he came knocking on your door with a proposition. “No one wants to smoke with me. Do you want to?”

This, for sure, was not what you were expecting on a cold Tuesday night in December. Despite the general curiosity and always wanting to ‘try it’ simply to feel like a teenager breaking the rules, you told him you never smoked before. “I know,” he said with a smile, “that’s why I’m asking.”

So, you agreed. Reaching for your hand, Felix snuck you out the window and led you halfway across campus to the junior parking lot, giving you ample opportunities to back out when he felt how badly you were shaking. “Whose car is this?” You laughed in disbelief when he unlocked a beaten-up Nissan near the outskirts of the lot.

“Kim Woojin. The junior?” He replied once you settled in the passenger seat next to him. “Oh.” You blinked, confused. “He lets you smoke in his car?”

“He gets me weed, too,” Felix giggled, reaching into the pockets of his sweatshirt and coming out with two tightly wrapped blunts, each about two inches long, “I’ll turn the heat on a little so we don’t freeze but we have to keep the windows open. I’m not going to have you hotbox for your first time.” You had no idea what that meant, but you agreed nonetheless.

With a brief lesson on what to do that truly made no sense until you tried it for yourself, Felix lit the blunt, took a few small hits to get it started, and then passed it to you. Holding it gingerly between your thumb and index finger, you brought the unlit end to your lips and sucked as he instructed ‘like a straw,’ breathing it into your lungs and ignoring the faint taste of smoke. Unsure of when to stop, it wasn’t until your throat felt as if it was on fire did you realize just how much you had inhaled.

“Shit,” you wheezed, coughing and choking and watching with wide eyes at the amount of cloudy white smoke that left your mouth and nostrils. Passing it back to Felix, you scrambled for the cold water bottle he brought along, downing half of it in one go to soothe the burn. “Good?” He asked, blowing out the window and turning back to you with eyes full of concern.

“Yeah,” you huffed, “give me a few, though.”

Humming in agreement, Felix connected his phone to the car’s Bluetooth and began playing what he calls his ‘getting high playlist,’ and before long, you fell in love with the feeling.

When break was over, you were dying to try it again. Felix was more than happy to be of service.

For all of March, it turned into a daily thing.

Now, you try to smoke only once a week for the sake of not dying, or something.

australian felix kjellberg❤️ [now] come hang at 201?

When the text notification pops up in the corner of your laptop screen amid your YouTube binge, your bones jitter with a mix of dread and excitement.

Dread, because that’s Hyunjin’s room. Excitement, because that’s Hyunjin’s room.

Maddie must hear your sigh. “What’s wrong?” She asks from her cozied position in bed, hand deep in a bag of popcorn.

“It’s Felix,” you start, “but he said to go to Hyunjin’s room.”

She blinks, unfazed. “And? I don’t see the problem here.”

“Well, I don’t know,” you count on your fingers, “first, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin sober. Second, I don’t know how to act around Hyunjin high. Third, I am very touchy when high. Fourth, Hyunjin is always touchy.”

Maddie scoffs. “That’s a pretty lame argument, YN,” she laughs, “isn’t that what you want to happen?”

“Well,” she’s got a point, “yes, but it still makes me nervous. He makes me nervous.” Closing your laptop, you shimmy out of bed and debate changing out of your cotton shorts and tee shirt. Nah. You’ll probably end up going back to Felix’s and sleeping there. You put a sports bra and deodorant on and call it a day.

Maddie finds this hilarious. “You know what should make you nervous? The fact that you’re usually the only girl getting high with, what? Six guys? You know they all want to fuck you.”

“I try not to think about that, actually,” cringing, you try to erase Felix’s voice when he’s high as a kite or Changbin’s arms from your mind, “and you don’t know that. Sometimes Ryujin and Lia are there. Or, you know, you could always come. You don’t have to smoke, just come hang out. I know you want to give Minho a fat smooch.”

Her nose wrinkles in disgust. “I love you, and I appreciate the invite, but I don’t feel like babysitting a bunch of stoners, even if Minho is there.”

Laughing, all you can offer her is a shrug. “I don’t blame you,” grabbing your phone, wallet, and charger, you make your way over to her and bend over to press a goodnight kiss to her forehead, “if you need me, don’t. I’ll probably be dead.”

“Oh Lord,” Maddie cackles, watching you struggle to open the window, “don’t die. I don’t know what I’ll do.”

“I’ll try,” you grin, military saluting once you’ve managed to flop over the ledge. With one last wave, you close the window behind you and thank admissions for giving you a room on the first floor.

[9:34 PM] YN: omw now, gather your forces to help me in :)

Nights in 201 are always interesting. First, their room is on the second floor, so climbing through the window is an experience. Things would be a hell of a lot easier if you could just walk in and out of residence halls as you please, but with the officer at the front desk documenting who comes in and who goes out, there would be a knock at the door at midnight asking you to leave. Second: as Maddie said, 201 means the whole squad is showing up. And when the whole squad shows up, you’re bound to feel a mix of anxiety and desire deep within your bones no matter how hard set you are on Mr. Hwang. And third: you know you’re in for one fucked up night.

[9:42 PM] YN: hereee

Standing awkwardly behind their building, you try and calm the nerves that always come when you know you will be with Hyunjin. Considering how close the two of you have become over the past few months, one would think you would have gotten a grip on those pesky feelings.

Yet again, it’s kind of hard to do that when he looks and acts like that all the time.

When the window slides open, you are expecting Changbin to hang halfway out for you to grab on to with the rest of them holding onto his legs. Instead, a tall, metal ladder of sorts is pushed out until it lands with a thud! at your feet, granting you a perfect staircase into the room.

Well, you certainly don’t see that every day.

Blinking in confusion, you do not know whether to focus on the crowd of boys waving at you from above or this abomination of a stepstool that was practically thrown out a window for you. Accepting the chain of events as just another fever dream of an experience in 201, you shake your head and begin to ascend on shaky legs, graciously taking Jisung’s hand and clinging to both him and Seungmin as they help you into the room. “Thanks,” you huff, giving them both a hug in return to their chivalry. And they dare say it’s dead!

Behind you, Changbin and Hyunjin lift the ladder-stepstool mutation back into the room and it isn’t until they have folded it into a more compact piece and set it against the wall do you speak up.

“Did you… buy a ladder?”

“Yes!” Minho bellows, thrilled by your successful entrance. “Isn’t it great?” After pulling back from a hug, he keeps his hands on your shoulders just to shake you like a bobble-head.

“Yes,” you grunt once he’s released you, head swimming, “a lot easier than hauling both me and Changbin through the window, right?” Looking to said boy, you can’t help but melt into his side when he pulls you close. “No worries,” Changbin beams, rubbing your arm, “at least we have some funny memories now.” When he moves to flop onto his bed, you realize with a shudder that you are alone with Hyunjin.

Well, technically not alone since they are all right there, but alone in the sense that they are not paying attention to you nor him.

“Hey, YN. I missed you,” he singsongs, engulfing you in one of his monster bear hugs. Disregarding the heart palpitations they may cause, Hyunjin’s hugs are truly the best and you wish you would initiate them more if it didn’t seem like such a big deal in that smooth brain of yours. “I missed you, too,” you mutter into his chest, squeezing your arms around him as if to engrave this feeling into your mind forever. “We saw each other, like, five hours ago,” he reminds you, finally pulling back and taking your will to live with him. God, he has no idea.

“And? You’re the only one here who doesn’t make me suicidal,” you lie because, in reality, he actually does. Just in a different way. “Aw,” he coos, large hand squeezing your side and you think you could orgasm on command, “good thing we have tonight, then, yeah?”

“Yeah,” you squeak, finally remembering to breathe when he steps away to sit beside Seungmin on his bed. Suddenly, you are feeling incredibly grateful no one is next to Changbin because, well, 1) he is closer to Felix and 2), you need a distraction.

“Hello, Felix,” you greet the boy sunk deep in a bean bag chair, busy grinding leaves and packing them into the bowl of a bong. “How are you this fine evening, YN?” He asks once you have settled beside Changbin, brows knitting together when the older boy drapes his arm around your waist.

“Good. Tired, though. How ‘bout you?”

“You didn’t have to come if you’re tired! We all know you work your ass off, no one’s gonna judge if you chose to stay home and sleep,” Felix expresses, giving you a look that screams ‘mom.’

“No! I’m not that tired,” you assure him, reaching for his hand and squeezing for extra effect, “you know I wouldn’t miss this. You’ve made me a pothead.”

With a proud smile, he returns to his designated job and begins working on the second, smaller bong. “So,” stretching to set your things on the desk beside Changbin’s bed, you turn to him with a knowing smile, “how’s the album coming?”

“Great!” He beams, eyes lighting up at the topic. “Jisung is a great addition. Did I tell you we started meeting with someone else, too?”

“No, who?”

“He’s a sophomore, Bang Chan?” Somewhere behind you, Felix passes a bong to Jisung for the first hit. “Bang Chan? Holy shit, Binnie,” repeatedly punching his arm to express your excitement, “that’s amazing! I didn’t know he was into music production. Not that I’ve ever talked to him, but.”

“No, I get you,” he hums, giving your side a firm squeeze, “he’s really awesome making beats. I hope we’re successful.” Then, reaching past you, he takes the second bong and a lighter from Felix. When he resituates himself, he’s considerably closer than before. You don’t mind.

“Ladies first?” Changbin offers with a crooked grin, handing them to you. Then, on second thought, he holds onto the lighter to do the honors. “Sure. Thanks,” you laugh, glancing across the room to find everyone arguing over which color to set the lights to as they wait for their high. Bringing the tube to your lips, you offer a miniscule nod to him and then he is setting flame to the bowl. Sucking strong enough to generate bubbles, you unplug the bowl once he stops and breathe in as much as your lungs can handle in one go. Then, once you have exhaled, you quickly finish what’s left in the tube before passing it to Changbin with a pleased smile.

“That was a lot,” he points out once you have handed the bong back to him. “Hey, you’re the one who kept lighting it for thirty seconds. Mother would be proud,” you joke, reciprocating the same service and lighting the bowl until he glares at you beneath his bangs.

The best part about being high is the fact that you are constantly laughing. Things won’t even be that funny, but once someone starts laughing—you’re done for. You laugh so hard it hurts, and then once it’s all over, you realize it wasn’t funny at all. “Has anyone ever told you that you look like a squirrel?” Minho asks Jisung at some point. You absolutely loose it. It quite possibly is the funniest thing you have ever heard.

Pouting, Squirrel Boy leaves Minho alone on his bed to come crash beside you. “How are you, my tender oozing blossom?”

Squinting at him past the way your eyes burn, you make grabby hands and pull him close to wrap your arms around his teeny waist. Changbin grumbles in protest, but he’s too transfixed on the light’s soft in and out fade of different colors to say anything else. “Please, don’t ever call me that again,” you mumble into Jisung’s mop of brown hair.

“What?” He gasps, tilting to look up at you with puppy eyes. “You didn’t like it?”

“Nope,” smiling lazily, you rest your head atop his, “I love you, but I’m not ready for pet names yet.” His face morphs from a frown to one lit with excitement. “Holy shit, did you just say you love me? Do my eyes deceive me?”

“That would be your ‘ears,’ but yes,” you hum, brain simply not capable of denying it the way your sober self would. “More than Changbin?” Jisung whispers.

“Yes, but don’t tell him,” you return quietly, biting back a laugh.

“More than Hyunjin?” He counters. At this, you look up to find said boy sat with his legs to his chest across the room. Next to Seungmin, he looks like a giant; but a happy, pouty giant that keeps talking about how much he could go for a winter melon tea right now.

“Never.”

One and a half (half because it was just the rest of Minho’s terribly big hit that left tears streaming down his cheeks) and an unfinished game of Cards Against Humanity later, you find yourself in a blissful headspace. The song playing quietly through Felix’s speaker makes it feel like you are bouncing down stairs and then going up again, and the lights are oh so pretty, pink fading to red, yellow to green, blue to purple and so on. Things are fuzzy but crystal clear at the same time, the popcorn you’ve been shoveling into your mouth tastes heavenly, and your body feels like it is engulfed in a warm, comforting hug.

Or, that could just be Changbin.

Somewhere in between trying to get more comfortable and him yanking you to stay next to him when you attempted to get up and hug Seungmin for something sweet he said, you now find yourself on your back with a clinging Changbin on your side. You are so comfortable, but also insanely hot, and as you begin to slowly come down from your high as the hours tick by, you begin to realize it’s for another reason.

What started as an innocent hand on your side turned into his thumb rubbing meaningless patterns against your shirt, which then turned into his hand slipping beneath to splay against the warmth of your skin. Growing increasingly needy as the minutes go by, you turn to look at everyone around you. Jisung, who found himself returning to Minho, appears to be passed out with him on the far end of the room. Seungmin, curled up on the floor with a pillow and a heap of blankets. Felix, who finished off the rest of his weed, scrolls aimlessly on his phone still at the peak of his high.

And Hyunjin, who you assume has been fast asleep on his bed for a while now if the arm flung over his face tells you anything. For a moment, you feel sick with sadness. So close, but so far he lies, always a step out of reach. But you can’t deny how Changbin makes you feel—for right now, at least. And it would be a shame to miss out on an opportunity with someone else because the one you want is unattainable.

Right?

Changbin must sense the way your breathing increases, must feel the way your body reacts to the slightest of touches, yet he takes his time. He is soft in the way his hand travels up your arm, rough fingertips grazing over your collarbones before smoothing down over your chest and abdomen. It isn’t until you are about to burst at the seams does he give your ass a strong squeeze and urge your leg over his hips.

“Changbin,” you sigh, biting your lip to keep from whimpering when he begins pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses down the length of your throat. “Please touch me.”

He only makes a sound of agreement, savoring the way you squirm and grip onto his arm for dear life. When he offers an experimental roll of his hips to grind against you, you practically go feral. The last time you were touched in such a way was at a party in the beginning of the semester Jisung and co. physically forced you to go to, and Changbin has barely even touched you and it’s already better than the rushed sex you had that night.

“Wait,” he huffs, pausing his ministrations no matter how difficult it is to do so, “we can’t.”

“What?” You hiss, trying to keep your voice quiet, “why?”

“Because you’re high, and I’m high, and I’m not going to do anything unless you really want me to,” Changbin explains, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips when you frown in response. “But I do want you to,” you huff, chasing his mouth for another, “I trust you one hundred percent.”

“Are you sure, YN?” What about Hyunjin? is what he really means and you know he’s right. You should have never told Felix.

Trying to ignore the wetness of your underwear, you turn to lie on your back. “Whatever. Never mind,” you mumble, and when you glance back to him, you can’t help the way your heart soars with him still pressed closely to your side, blinking tiredly at you. But like he said, it’s not Hyunjin. “Just get some sleep, Binnie. Forget it happened,” smiling past the tears that threaten to spill, you ruffle his hair and press a softer kiss to his forehead.

“I’m sorry,” Changbin whispers, returning the affection with a kiss to your shoulder. In minutes, he is snoring softly beside you.

You can’t fall asleep to save your life.

Reaching for your phone to check the time, you grit your teeth once you realize it’s almost four and you definitely have been staring at the ceiling for more than an hour. For starters, you are freezing now; unlike these passed out hooligans, you are showing a lot more skin and not being under the blankets is not doing you well. And secondly, it’s hard to fall asleep when your thoughts are flying miles a minute.

Is this how it’s going to be, then? Whenever you see someone, will the little guy on your shoulder whisper in your ear that it’s not Hyunjin? Or will people deem you off limits because they know of your infatuation? People who know, at least—Changbin is the first, apparently.

Just need to get comfy, you decide, trying to ignore such thoughts and turning to lie on your stomach. Bless Felix for leaving the lights on, too—you may be coming down from your high, but the vibe is simply immaculate. Tucking a hand under your cheek and following the ropes of light on the ceiling and up the walls, you find this to be enough to calm your nerves. Enough to make your eyelids heavy. Finally.

Someone lets out a monster train snore. Seungmin, you think, biting your lip to keep from laughing. Or, it could be Hyunjin. The thought is so amusing you can’t help but squint at the boy across from you to better see his outline, hoping he will do it again just to confirm.

No, not Hyunjin.

Because he’s facing you, eyes open, a soft smile plastered on his face. Well, fuck.

No reason to panic, you console yourself, returning a gentle smile in the assumption he can even see you. And you stay like that for a while, simply watching one another for an infinite amount of time. It’s not much, but it means something, you think, lost in the way the contours and highlights of his face change with each color the lights fade to. Just as you remember the whole point of getting on your stomach was to fall asleep, Hyunjin moves. Reaching for his phone, you watch in confusion as he brings it close to his face and starts typing.

hwang hyunjin👁👄👁 [now] Come sleep w me?

You almost throw up in your mouth. You must be dreaming. Surely.

Blinking against the harsh light of your phone, you cannot help your smile as you reread the text.

[4:02 am] YN: wont that b a little sus for bin

[4:02 am] hwang hyunjin👁👄👁: If anyone asks just say he kept kicking u or something

You don’t need to be told twice. Now that he has turned onto his side facing the other direction, Changbin does not stir once you slowly move to sit up and stand, nor when you reach for the quilt crumbled at the foot of the bed to pull over him. It’s not much, but hopefully it will keep him from waking in a few hours freezing to death. Then, as you tiptoe your way over to Hyunjin’s bed, avoiding Felix now that he’s sprawled half way off the bean bag, you cannot tell if you are still shivering from the cold or if the fact you are going to be sleepingwith Hyunjin in one, tiny single bed is finally clicking in your brain. Like Maddie said, this is something you want, right?

As you draw closer, Hyunjin shifts to make room and lifts the covers for you to quietly slip beneath. “Thank you,” you whisper, pulling the blanket up to your chin and trying to ignore the feeling of being so close to him. “Of course. You looked real cold over there,” he smiles tiredly. Then, his arm cautiously curls around you to rest by your head, fingers swiping stray hairs away from your face.

“I was,” you admit. Eyes level to his lips, you strain to look him in the eyes to resist the temptation now that he’s pulled you so close. “Changbin fell asleep and I felt bad waking him.”

Hyunjin doesn’t reply. He seems momentarily lost in thought, brows slightly furrowed as he chews on the inside of his lip.

“Do you like him?” He finally asks, voice shaky with hesitation.

“What?” You sputter, shocked at such a presumption. Yet again…

“No, no I don’t. I mean—as a friend, yes, but, you know,” you trail off, squeezing your eyes shut. You desperately wish you were not having this conversation right now. “He was touching you, though. And it looked like you liked it,” Hyunjin whispers, thumb swiping against your cheekbone.

“I mean, well yeah, I did. But I’m not close enough to like him like that. It’s just a physical attraction,” realizing you are discussing what went down with Changbin to Hyunjin, you suddenly pull back and lean up on an elbow to get a better look at him, heat now spreading up your limbs like fire. “Were you watching us, Hwang?”

“Yes,” he admits, “it’s kind of hard not to.” Your heart stops beating.

“I – what?” You manage once you have remembered how to breathe. “I didn’t know you were awake, we wouldn’t have… what do you mean, ‘it’s kind of hard not to?’”

“You know what I mean, YN,” Hyunjin mutters, arm slipping around your waist and pulling you to lie down with him again, this time, your chest pressed to his. “I like looking at you. You’re very pretty.”

You definitely must still be high, because you are seriously having a hard time wrapping your mind around Hyunjin calling you pretty, as well as being so close, and somewhere deep in your mind wonders if he knows. If he knows how your heart is on the line here. Knows that with him moving closer, you are taking a huge risk.

When Hyunjin kisses you, you forget that this could be the worst mistake you’ve made in a long time. Wrapped around his fingers, you pray this is his way of saying he feels the same.

“YN!” You wake to Seungmin gently shaking your shoulder. “YN, wake up. Your phone has been vibrating for twenty minutes now. It’s Maddie.”

The wave of panic washing over you dispels the grogginess you feel from suddenly being yanked from sleep, as well as the recognition of where you are and who you’re with. Frantic, you sit up and nod in thanks to him before taking the call. “Hello?”

“Oh, thank God you answered,” Maddie cries, voice choked, “I’m sorry, I know you’re still out, but I just threw up and I feel so terrible and when I get up I feel so nauseous. Can you come home?”

“Shit, Maddie, don’t apologize,” you whisper, rushing to grab your things as Seungmin unfolds The Ladder as quietly as possible, “I’m leaving now. Don’t move, you don’t want it to get worse. I’ll be there as fast as I can, okay?”

“Okay,” she whimpers before hanging up.

“Thank you, Minnie,” pressing a kiss to his cheek, you begin to climb down. “Is everything okay?” He asks, watching as you go with a worried frown. “Yes, it’s fine. Just a little emergency, don’t worry,” praying no one is out and about watching as you climb from the back of their building, you rush back to help Maddie as fast as you can.

You stay back in your dorm with Maddie for the rest of the weekend, fetching her water and ginger ale and food she can handle, helping her to the restroom, and binging all sorts of shows and movies with her. Seungmin, Jisung, and Minho visit Sunday evening, joining you for a few hours to watch Pokémon. You think it’s just because Minho knew it would be a good opportunity to snuggle with Maddie.

You can’t help but feel disappointed when Hyunjin isn’t with them. You refrained from telling Maddie what happened in 201, too caught up wanting to make sure she was alright, and by now you are starting to feel as if it wasn’t even real. Maybe you made the whole night up in your marijuana-infused brain. And snuggled up with Jisung, you can’t help but wish it was this annoying shit you were falling in love with.

On Monday morning, Hyunjin doesn’t show up for breakfast. On Tuesday, you find out he has been hanging out with a girl he met at his favorite boba joint and apparently won’t shut up about. First, you run back to your dorm to cry to Maddie, having to explain all of Friday night to her. When she leaves for her lab, you call Felix for an emergency smoke session. When Maddie texts that she is going to be out late working on a project, you call Changbin to tell him that you really do want him to.

Like you said, it’s just a physical attraction, right?

⇢ part 2

[justjstuff]

Shizune’s Character Study...ish

This is an answer to this comment <3 I always love a good character study

First of all, I found your observation about Shizune not being in love very clever and astute. This was exactly what I intended to show through my writing without spelling it out. Shizune left the village for what? Close to two decades? She spent more time away then in Konoha and she came back to a mountain of responsibility. Sure, she loved Genma when she was a child and some of it lingers, especially since Genma is, well, Genma. He’s a lovable hottie and a total flirt. But I don’t think she really let herself fall back in love with him. 

Now, this is a specific answer to your rb but also to a lot of reviews I got for the last chapter, so bear with me while I take this and go on a tangent xD

DoF is Sakura’s story. While we get a few sneak peaks into other characters’ PoVs, this is ultimately a story told by what she sees and understands. For over four years Sakura kinda shut down this part of her life that was “holding her back” before she became a proper ninja. She focused on her career and her training and just now she’s realising the repercussions of that. Namely, not being aware that people in her own team were together, the Genma and Shizune situation and in a way the impact she has around Konoha. So Sakura doesn’t know the whole story here and Genma x Shizune isn’t the focus of this story so while I explore some of it, it will mainly be the part of it that affects Sakura directly. People are allowed their privacy and even though Team Ro is close, that doesn’t mean that they have to know every single thing that goes on with each other.

So yeah, back to Shizune. When you said she was just waiting for him to fuck up and not telling everyone was a way for her to have a clean way out, you were absolutely right. This is the video that inspired me to write Shizune telling Kurenai about their relationship. In my head, she wanted to vent for a while but was scared of other’s reaction and then it slipped when she was drunk talking to her friend. Shizune is allowed to be cautious with her heart. Just like Sakura is. 

I think there’s a trend in media that we need to break when it comes to how we see women. A man can be a jerk and then be called deep because he was just protecting his feelings while a woman is a bitch when she’s looking out for herself. This comes from a place where we hold women in a position to always be nurturing and kind, to put others before her. Women can’t be mean, women can’t be angry, women can’t be assertive without being immediately judged by us as bitches (*cough* specially asian women, tiger women? yeah i see u *cough*). So yeah, Shizune is a bitch for not trusting Genma when he’s shown to be deeply afraid of commitment, a frankly unreliable partner with his long days away on extremely dangerous missions. 

Now, all of this I will briefly touch upon in later chapters (I think about three chapters from now? It’s already written) but you have to keep in mind the type of person Shizune is. She’s the Hospital Director and she’s aware there’s a very serious war brewing in the shadows. She works a lot and she’s always in the village dealing with all of this bullshit while Genma is a part of the most dangerous team in ANBU. She’s scared and frankly she’s tired. She wants stability and she wants something that she might not find in Genma. Y’all know I love Genma but in my eyes there’s no way Shizune can be condemned by the way she’s acting. She should be mindful that she’s hurting Genma (and she is, you just don’t get to see it bc again, not their story) but she can’t hurt herself in the process of making things comfortable for him. 

Now, there’s something that worries me about some of the comments I’m receiving. I get that a lot of people love Shizune and heavily ship Genma x Shizune but you have to take a step back and actually read the characters I’m writing. See them for what they are in this fic and kind of let go of your preconceived notions about them. Either that or stop reading the fic, lol. Anyways, some people were worried that this would drive a wedge between Sakura and Shizune and were sad because they feel like Sakura needs more female relationships and that they wished to see their closeness in a way they didn’t get to see in canon...

I get that. Y’all know that DoF was created with this heavily in my mind and it’s something very important to me, to give these characters that were done wrong some form of justice. That does not mean I’ll simply put every single female as super close friends and call it a day and yay female power. This is also a current trend I see where authors (and I mean screenwriters and the such, mostly) are heavily leaning into this woke version of feminism that just feels demeaning to me and while it’s leagues better than blatant misogyny it’s not exempt from criticism. 

My female characters have depth and they have their own personality which does mean that they’ll clash sometimes, there will be girls who don’t really get along with other girls, there will be petty grievances, there will be angry women, and sad women, and fucking deranged women. Because that’s what I want to see in mainstream media. I don’t want a simplistic version of what it means to be a women broadcasted to everyone and I will never write that even though I don’t have all of that reach. 

Oof, all of that to tie back to Shizune’s and Sakura’s relationship. In canon, I did miss seeing a strong bond between them but not in the way that some people want to see in this fic. I wanted them to be family. And you don’t always have to have a lot in common with family, or even like them, to deeply care for them and love them. DoF!Sakura left the hospital work after six months. She trained her ass to the ground and she was most often away on missions. She moved into the Senju Estate but Shizune always had her own place. DoF!Shizune is buried in hospital work, she has responsibility and most importantly, she has distance from Tsunade. She’s still seen as her former apprentice and she’s still her pseudo niece but she’s making her name outside of Tsunade’s shadow here. She’s not an assistant and she’s not always glued to Tsunade’s side, she’s the fucking Hospital Director. Sakura and Shizune drifted apart and no amount of woke let’s-scream-feminism-at-the-top-of-our-lungs can change that when they simply do not have that much in common. They grew apart and that’s okay. They still love each other. 

@hatake-sakura88 , I won’t answer everything in your comment because some things will be addressed later on and I don’t wanna spoil anything yet. Thank you for caring enough about my fic to engage and for being super polite and a sweetheart in general <3 

This post will probably be reblogged later with a more in depth character study of Shizune (both in canon and in Daughter of Fire)

[moldy-mold]

small improvements little by little

I changed my tune this year by going into it and accepting what happens without stressing too much. And strangely enough, things got better.

I think 2021 will be the year of recovery because I’ve already had a couple of interviews in the last two weeks! Hopefully I’ll land something soon! Same goes for a couple of other friends. The time is ripe for applications...

Small changes go a long way these days so I’m just gonna list out some things that helped me so far.

Rearranging my room and decorating. It’s nothing special but I’ve been quite happy with my new setup! Yes, I also rotated the desk 100 times like in Animal Crossing before I was happy.

New smells. I used to be lukewarm about candles but now I’m obsessed. I spend a lot of time in my room so having it smell good when I walk in helped quite a bit with my mood and productivity. Plus if I’m just reading/drawing in bed, lighting a candle is so relaxing...

Stretching. My morning routine has changed so drastically. Since I can afford to take my time now, I do so. 5 minutes of stretching after getting up helped me with my tired achiness. My grandma bones are happy.

Skincare. It’s my new hobby of 2021?? I actually get so excited in the morning and at night bc I can use my skincare products. I feel super accomplished when my complexion cleared up. Listen, life is about the small accomplishments that keep you going.

Commissions. I rarely ever advertise commissions because I did not have the discipline to do them. But I have recently taken them in secret and they have actually grounded me. It gives me a clearer goal with a monetary reward besides getting more notes/likes/rts/rbs. Also, I have made people happy and I am appreciated in turn. It also gives me something productive to do on my off days when I cannot think of what to do.

Vlogs. They are my new source of entertainment besides scrolling through social media. I’ve actually learned so much about how to improve my life because of the people I watch. This account is especially good on productivity, skincare and ways to relax.

Reducing Social Media. Remember how I used to get so stressed when I didn’t know how to manage my accounts? Like, am I a Tales account or am I a Gundy account? Will everyone I ever know and love abandon me for liking something else? These problems don’t matter anymore and I’m happy about it. In a way, Tumblr became my haven. I feel I can honestly express myself here and not be stressed. It’s not an art blog, tales blog, gundy or anything like that. It’s just everything I’m interested in because I’m not made up of one thing.

I actually saw some pretty unfortunate things during my 5-minute periods on Twitter. Somone made a careless comment and their friend blocked them and started trash-talking them got their followers started to do the same. It disappointed me because I thought they were all friends for a while now. Couldn’t they talk it out instead of cutting their friendship off so easily? It just makes you Realize things, you know? Is this is what happens when you get a large following? I don’t think I want that.

Part-timing. I really didn’t want to sit around waiting for my office job to happen. So I picked up a part time job at a Korean cafe. I get to talk about pastries, cakes and make the occasional drink. It’s my first retail job ever so it kind of opened my eyes to how physically taxing it is for such a small pay. Let’s just say I ended up sleeping a lot after my shifts... But it’s what you make it out to be. It’s not so bad once you get used to it! I enjoy chatting with the owner who is a nice little Korean lady who speaks Korean to me as if I understand a word she’s saying. I can figure out what she’s saying by her hand motions tho lol! I only work some days, the other days I’m doing commissions. A good balance that I’m happy with.

Baths. I’ve never chilled in a bathtub in my life. What was I thinking?! I bought some bath stuff that smells so good and I just chill in the tub for about an hour every week. It. Is. Awesome. It gets the ideas flowing, and it effectively slows down my life if I’m doing too much. Highly recommend. There is a magical feeling to be engulfed in aromatic bubbles. My aching muscles just melt away and I get to experience what a cooked noodle feels like. (it’s great.)

I’ve decided I’m going to buy more plants for the apartment as well to spruce up the place. Just got a red tulip yesterday. As it is a tradition to name all my plants, I named the new addition Quattro.

Thanks for reading - until next time!

[hui-ing]

Can you explain how your tagging system works? It's very detailed.

Sure thing! Here's how it goes:

First I tag the name of the group, plus any common variations on it (e.g "ptg" for pentagon, "svt" and "17" for seventeen, etc)

Next I put the given names of the people who feature in the post, then full names, then stage names. If there are too many people to include all of these because of the 30-tag limit on tumblr, I leave out the full names (and sometimes the variations on the group name if I need to).

In some cases, I'll put the fandom names of the groups next - I usually only do it for groups I'm really invested in, though. I don't remember exactly why I started tagging the fandoms (I think it was back when I had like 3 followers and was hoping to draw in anyone who might be going through the fandom tags? or maybe to signal to new followers which groups they could expect to see more of and which were going to be fairly infrequent) and I've been considering just leaving them out but it's hard to decide when to start doing that because I'm used to it now lmao

After that I put my special tags for people, then if it's a gif or an edit I tag that so that if I ever want to find something I put up and it's a specific type of post I can just search my blog for "gifs" or "graphics" or "fanart rb" (or just "fanart" if it's something I drew)

Then if there's room after that, I'll put in any comments I have. I also have a tag for birthday content (it's "happy birthday <3") because I tend to spam stuff of certain idols on their birthdays and if people don't want to have their dash filled with one person the entire day I want it to be easy to block if they feel like it.

I know it's kind of overcomplicated, but I like to be able to find things later and it's really satisfying to have everything nice and neat, so I make an effort to keep my tags consistent. It's definitely not a system for everyone though lmao 😂 a lot of people don't want to go through all that or it's not important to them, which is very understandable... after all, it's just tumblr, we're here to have fun and look at cool stuff and talk to each other and nothing else really matters in the end ❤️

[yibuo]

love your hot takes! was wondering if you could give your two cents on shipping/rpf in relation to idol culture, how more often than not these pairings are subtly if not overtly used as a marketing tool etc. I’m all for freedom of expression / fandom consumption as long as the fourth wall is respected but given recent developments in c-ent I feel like we’re treading on thinner and thinner ice....

EDIT you asked for my two cents and i gave u my entire bank account. nice

ok i wasn’t sure how to answer this tbh without possibly getting attacked but i have a pretty strong opinion of rpf/shipping and how people take it to the extremes and i talked to oomf who validated me so here i go

tldr i mean people can take part in shipping/rpf if they want to and if they keep it lowkey but there’s a boundary as to how far shipping/rpf can go and there are too many instances of where people insert rpf/shipping in places that are unacceptable and this goes for all real ppl pairings 

i’m not meaning to offend anyone, and in no way are my opinions discriminatory, but also, if you’re someone who’s gonna make HUGE stretches regarding to celebrities and push your favorite ships in totally unrelated things, maybe you should step back and think about how your actions can affect your favorite people

and i’m totally stealing this from oomf, but here’s a thought:  if you ask yourself  'if i met this person irl, would i feel embarassed if they looked me in the eyes and i read this out loud to them' and if the answer is 'i would look like a pervert stalker' then like........maybe don't do what you’re doing?  

pls respect ur faves is all n don’t make them uncomfortable ! ! and also pls don’t fetishize same sex relationships !

anyway

ok so let me start by saying i’m a seventeen stan and when i was 15-16 y/o i shipped svt members, read rpf, etc, but never really was into overanalyzing every touch or gaze. i obviously enjoyed my favorite pairings interact and i read romantic fics about them. i wasn’t really into reading smut because for me, personally, fics using the members’ names and personalities even in au kinda made smut feel like visualizing the members in a sexual context and i felt like i was crossing a fan boundary, like, would my idol be comfortable with me seeing them in a sexual context with another member they tell us they consider as friends/brothers/sisters? or just in general, would they be comfortable with me thinking of them sexually? but hey, if it was a good fic i would just skip over the smut because good fics are good fics. now idk if it’s because i’m older, or other changes? i don’t really do romantic shipping or read rpf, i stick to reading fics about fictional characters because that’s what makes me comfortable (like if i ever rb two members’ interactions on my main, i stick to just tagging the members instead of their ship name, same goes on here for real people) and i still very much am uncomfortable w/ real people smut literature and art, but that’s just me

ok you see shipping a lot in idol culture because idols are in groups and members spend a good 90% of their time together, so whatever cute interactions you see  kinda lead to people shipping two (or more ig) members. i never really thought about idol shipping culture from a marketing perspective, so i asked some of my friends, and one of them made a really good point about how some ships are more popular than others, and these interactions on shows and stuff might be a strategic/marketing tactic to lure in new fans because of the “ships” being cute. i don’t know how true this actually is, but it kinda made sense. for example, in svt, mingyu x wonwoo is a super popular ship, compared to ships like the8 x vernon which no one ever talks about, even though we know that all the members love each other equally and wholeheartedly. so yeah, there probably is a subtle pushing of certain ships in order to gain momentum in attracting more fans to the group

also i’m gonna be using wonwoo and mingyu as examples but i’m not targetting anyone or anything, just hypothetical situations w/ an idol ship that i noticed to affect the members because how out-of-control SOME stans are

so as i said in my tldr, i don’t really mind romantic shipping, as long as it’s 1) lowkey 2) not pushed in places that it doesn’t belong and 3) not mentioned among the members

keeping it lowkey- pushing ships in everyone’s faces gets annoying. sometimes fans just want to enjoy idols’ content as they give it to us and frankly, it’s a little offputting when you’re trying to watch something or enjoy something and hoards of fans are fangirling over a gaze or a touch between 2 members. keep it on your private acct, or in a group chat, not in the youtube comment section of the video. but still, men and women are allowed to touch each other and show affection without it being romantic, and i feel like shipping culture kinda invalidates the platonic relationship. like unless a pairing is confirmed to be dating, why even bother with overanalyzing these gazes or touches. and no, it’s not homophobic for non-rpf fans to be annoyed, because sometimes fans just want to see the members as they portray themselves to be rather than finding a deeper (and unconfirmed) meaning behind every small thing. fans being like “bro it’s just the touch of two hands it’s not that deep” is not the same thing as fans going “ewww i’m’ not supporting them if they’re not straight” . and sometimes i feel like people try to twist non-rpfers words and call them homophobic if they’re not for shipping when sometimes people don’t wanna romantically visualize 2 people if they’re an unconfirmed couple. how can you use lgbt struggles, which is an issue in society, to fight against people who simply don’t do rpf?? how are you use that as a weapon and for what ??? (also a good amount of people who do this are lgbt fetishizers who aren’t lgbt themselves bye i said it) why can’t we all jus be friends dudes

ok but if you’re against your idols dating someone of the same gender, that’s homophobic and you needa get that checked

but that’s different from treating two members as friends rather than bfs

but this being lowkey concept applies to any pairing, straight or gay, just keep it lowkey dudes. (like for ex we see yibo and meng meiqi shippers, which also doesn’t make sense to me because it’s based off of literal crumbs but ok) it’s ok to be rpfer or non-rpfer as long as you’re respecting the idols and keeping their best interests in mind

respect ur faves pls

not pushed in places that it doesn’t belong- people need to stop bringing up ships and pairings in randomass places. for example, if wonwoo is doing a interview, with mingyu being nowhere in sight, and he’s talking about his hobbies and interests without ever mentioning mingyu, what’s the need to bring up mingyu?? people do it and it’s so... weird? like wonwoo can do things without being constantly associated mingyu? one of my BIGGEST pet peeves is when shippers make these ships such a HUGE part of a members’ identitiy, when the members are doing so much w/ their lives? like no, not every move wonwoo makes, and every breath he takes is related to mingyu, but people still wanna have the audacity to mention mingyu in something completely unrelated? what’s your point?

RESPECT UR FAVES

not mentioned among the members in an uncomfy manner- like if you’re interacting with a real person, why are you gonna bring up a ship they’re included in when you have so many other things to talk about?? like ok it’s one thing to ask someone on a livestream “hey this event you guys did on xxxx show was funny, what’s the tea behind that” but it’s not okay to just mention a ship with no relation and no context to the situation. again, this counts as rpf-ers and shippers attributing a single ship to an idol’s identity much more than what it actually counts as. no, wonwoo is not 70% made of mingyu lover and vice versa. we actually saw this between mingyu and wonwoo as people kept pushing meanie (the ship) to their faces, and we saw (and  still see) a much more decreased amount of interaction between them compared to them predebut, because shippers couldn’t stay in their lane. so yes, out-of-control shipping DOES affect idols and can be harmful to their relationships if you don’t control it

^ so y’all see why i feel so strongly about this, because it literally can affect these idols’ relationships on screen

JUST RESPECT UR FAVES

again, this applies for any pairing of any sexuality, i’m just using wonwoo x mingyu as an example because it’s something i saw when i was into rpf. i love both mingyu and wonwoo and they are wholesome together. i have friends who ship them and i’m completely ok with that because they do it without posing any harm to the members, but some people just need to take a chill pill and a seat and calm down ????

so i completely understand that shipping/rpf serves as a creative outlet for lgbt+ folks and that’s completely fine, inspiration, love, cool cool cool. just don’t be so pushy about small interactions especially directly to idols. and as for rpf-ers, don’t let rpf give you a reason to start fetishizing same-sex relationships, that shits weird and problematic...pls

again, if you ask yourself  'if i met this person irl, would i feel embarassed if they looked me in the eyes and i read this out loud to them' and if the answer is 'i would look like a pervert stalker' then like........maybe don't do what you’re doing?  

lol so this is why i’m much more comfortable w/ fictional shipping, because these people don’t exist in the real world and don’t have actual lives and relationships to protect 

just respect ur faves omg and we’ll be fine

“given recent developments in c-ent” and me being a yibo stan and you sending me this strongly leads me to believe you’re referring to out of control bjyx cpf (yizhan shippers)  LOL

i don’t follow much c-ent besides xnine, uniq, r1se, and sometimes unine and the nine percent members, and honestly im not too into the fan culture so i dont follow ships there? so i’ll focus on. this ship

to be completely honest, shipping for idol groups makes some sense to me because idol group members are with each other most of the time, that’s literally their job

shipping actors who haven’t confirmed that they’re dating/no proof doesn’t really make sense to me at all--they work on one project together, and they’re off to their next., with or without each other . we don’t know if they keep in contact every day, much less if they’re into each other, but each to their own! my opinions and takes aren’t perfect and as long as you’re respecting your faves, it is ok~

ok so i’ll start of with saying: obviously, i love yibo. i love xiao zhan. they’re cute nd wholesome and evidently had good times together and learned a lot from each other regarding acting and being in the industry and just developing as people together. good for them, we love character development. amazing

is pushing bjyx a marketing tactic? most definitely yeah by tencent thanks tencent. i think you can see this through the amount of bts videos there are with just bjyx in comparison to other bts videos/interviews, even though there are many more important characters apart from wwx and lwj in cql, we don’t see as much side cast interactions as bjyx, and if we do, there aren’t that many w/ other cast members and yibo and xiao zhan?? relatively speaking

so yeah i think pushing this yibo x xiao zhan thing definitely was a tactic to further the momentum that wangxian was already having to attract stans, and it worked. like i LOVE watching yibo and xiao zhan bts videos because they are two goofs. love them. love my boys. love their camaraderie. and if people wanna ship, then go ship. cool! just be casual pls

i think where this becomes a problem is when people start projecting wangxian’s relationship onto yibo and xiao zhan because...the latter are real people. yibo and xiao zhan =/= wangxian !!!!!! (ok first of all yibo is a gremlin how can he be the wang in wangxian in real life)  what wyb and xz show us in videos is nowhere near what wangxian is hJKNDJNWD and i see so many people just equate the two pairings...nooo... and combining everything mxtx writes about wangxian in the novel and projecting that onto wyb and xz...i don’t think that’s the move dudes they have their own lives they’re not wangxian

my BIGGEST pet peeve is when people wholly credit wyb’s development as an actor and as a person to xz and vice versa. i cannot tell you how many times i see posts saying “wyb brought xz out of his shell” and vice versa and things like “xz looks like he’s having much more fun than he is when he’s with xnine, they’re soulmates” and etc

both wyb and xz have had years of industry experience before getting to know each other. they’ve gone through some of the lowest points of their careers before even getting to know each other well, and they’ve both found Their People in the industry before finding each other. to say that wyb brought xz out of his shell in a summer’s worth of filming based on some bts videos is just so unfair to the bonds xz has made with his other colleagues and xnine  members and the accomplishments he’s had before cql. same with wyb and his career prior to cql. and his uniq members, his ttxs bros, and all his other colleagues. these 2 have gone through some shit with their idol groups and it’s just not fair for cpfs to erase the significance of their career prior to cql to support and find a leverage for their shipping. i’m not saying all cpfs do this, but there is  a Good Amount That Do and it pisses fans like me off

they are not each others saviours bye

also  “xz looks like he’s having much more fun than he is when he’s with xnine, they’re soulmates”, if you guys ever watch xnine videos, you’ll know that xnine is Loud. with members like wu jiacheng and peng chuyue being so loud and extroverted, it kinda makes xiao zhan relatively quieter. but he’s still a gremlin and troublemaker and it’s not like he isn’t having fun. he’s just louder w/ yibo because yibo is more introverted than xz. relationship dynamics are relative to the relationship cmon people !!!! this is basic knowledge !!!! anyway that was a side tangent but ya

but ya my point is, wyb and xz have their own careers and they’re doing their own things now, and it’s unnecessary to bring up xz in an unrelated wyb post/article and vice versa, and it’s just so so unnecessary to link them in everything??? like i heard that cpfs prevented xz from keeping his nomination for an award because yibo wasn’t nominated so xz lost the nomination ./rolls eyes

anyway my point being, if you wanna ship them then go ahead! just do it normally and don’t bring up the ship in unrelated places (like other dramas, tv shows, etc where they’re not together), don’t spam them with bjyx related things, don’t make weird stretches/connections?? the other day on twt i saw a twt about uniq wenhan’s drama, where he was being referred to as xiao zhan (little zhan) in the drama (different  “xiao” and “zhan” characters than actor xz’s name) and i saw cpfs go “omg theYRE CALLING HIM XIAO ZHAN??? IS THIS FATE OR” like no it isnt maam it’s just a name stop reaching

ANYWAY UNNECESSARY SIDE RANTS BUT MY MAIN POINT is that people are allowed to be shippers and take part in rpf, but don’t make their identities “____’s lover”, don’t look past their current and past achievements for the sake of your ship, don’t erase their relationships with other people for the sake of your ship, stop bringing your ship into things that are only related to one person/aren’t related to your ship, stop saying creepy things about your ship (if you think the ship people would be uncomfrotable with what you say about them you probably shouldn’t be saying it)

just. respect ur faves pls no matter who they’re with ...just respect them ty

stan yibo stan xiao zhan stan uniq stan xnine

comment ur fav yibo and xiao zhan moment below

like comment subscibe

ok bye mic drop 

[justlightthefirstspark]

Utd vs Reading 02/02/2020

Or, as @danieljamesmufc so eloquently put it, ‘The Battle of The Baes’ (Baes in question obviously being Amy Turner and Angharad James)

Anywho, there isn’t much of a ~detailed~ analysis like other pieces have had. A lot of the plays (and therefore, issues) are the same every game, and I don’t wanna keep repeating myself by making the same points week in and week out. Also, this game was kinda scrappy and not much really happened - until the end but we will get there in due time. I have a LOT of thoughts about the end of this game.

Few small changes in the XI - due to McManus picking up an injury vs Chelsea, Amy came back in at CB which was just

And then I saw Harris at RB 😐 I think I’ve made my feelings about that very clear, and I don’t wanna start hating on Martha for the sake of it, but Smith is the better of the two imo. And I just can’t see why Casey keeps insisting on playing TWO natural RB’s when she has a natural LB sitting on the bench ALL THE TIME, collecting splinters in her arsecheeks. It’s annoying, and I’m kinda sick of it.

Lizzie Arnot dropped out of the XI, in favour of Jane Ross for this one, and everything else was pretty much the same as Wednesday night.

Also, and I would really appreciate some help/info/whatever you’ve all got for this, but I was under the impression that Amy couldn’t (or at least, wasn’t really supposed to) play 3 games in one week? I’m like 90% sure that Casey benched her a few times in the second half of last season for this exact reason? Apparently that’s down to the knee injury she had a few years ago, but I would appreciate some clarification on this if anyone has anything 🧐

Also (I’m being annoying now, sorry) but this commentator was... bad. Mispronuncing players names (who is Jackie Groinen?), not even bothering to try and pronounce others (here’s looking at you, Angharad James), misidentifying players, just not really knowing what was happening a solid 83% of the time... idk who she is but she needs to not commentate on a United game again, I can’t listen to her. Girl had some, interesting, opinions too, and I’m quoting her directly now, “United will think that they’re due a defeat” 🧐 I’m not entirely sure how, or why, that would be the case, but apparently both United and Reading have alternating W/L runs in the league and today was Reading’s turn to win? I was confused. I still kinda am. And I didn’t like it.

First half:

The first 10 mins of this were pretty boring tbh. There was an awful lot of back and forth, misplaced passes, interceptions and the like. I think United were just on top in the opening few minutes, judging by the amount of time they spent in Reading’s half, and their possession.

‘8 - Corner and a free kick for United in quick succession. Nothing came from either (surprise surprise), but there was a lovely bit of ball control in the box from Ross after the FK. Just couldn’t get it to Sigsworth (who probably would have scored but we don’t need to talk about it)

‘13 - Another potential Ross/Sigsworth link up in the box but Ross just swept it straight into the legs of a Reading player, instead of passing to Jess on her left 🤷🏽‍♀️ I thought she was okay today, so I won’t give her too much grief for that mistake

‘16 - decent chance for Sigsworth, ended up launching it straight at *insert Reading player here.* Foreal, I have no idea who it was. Sorry. Groenen and Zelem both had decent opportunities following this, but nothing came of either of those

‘17 - Another corner for Utd, wasn’t a great delivery to be honest. Was played out and worked back in, LJ managed to get a shot off but sent it behind with a deflection so yet more corners followed. With nothing coming from any of them - this is starting to be a problem. We never challenge from set pieces, and I’m genuinely starting to wonder why that is? Does someone else need to take them? Or what?

There was *a lot* of midfield action around this time, more back and forth, a few fouls, and free kicks. None of this was noteworthy, hence the lack of notes.

‘21 - Amy stop backpassing challenge. I gave Abbie SO much shit for this vs City and Chelsea (as well as vs Spurs, oops), so I guess it’s Amy’s turn now. Sidenote: I think ‘Turner & Turner’ is my fave chant, the original at least. No disrespect to Abbie but seeing Turner x2 at CB on the teamsheet has me like

‘28 - Earps’ clearnances need work. Like, a lot of work. I think I’ve mentioned this before, but I’m never fully convinced by the ball that leaves her feet, and I don’t think she is either which is an issue 😬

‘29 - GOAL - United. I was literally just making a note on how boring I was finding this game - my highlight by the 28 minute mark was Amy lashing her boot into Tash Harding’s face. Lol. - when Lauren James appears literally out of nowhere and lashes one home. A gorgeous strike, cutting in from the left. This kid is lethal.

‘38 - Today I learned that we really only have one fast defender - Millie. Martha somehow outpaced Amy back with Reading on the break and I think my jaw hit the floor.

‘41 - United have the ball in the back of the net again. Amy got under a well struck free from Zelem and fired it home, but somehow was ruled offside. Clearly this ref and I have very, very different opinions about what the offisde rule actually constitutes, cause she was very much clearly onside.

Idk if you can see properly in those pics, but no one is offside in any of them. You can see in this video too, that Amy is in fact, NOT offside. I’m not having that one, it should have stood. https://twitter.com/48hours8/status/1223984745413038081?s=21

I just. I’m highkey so annoyed. And I’m definitely dragging this out but like

Moving on. That concluded a pretty uneventful half, aside from the goal and the offside that wasn’t actually offside.

Halftime:

Reading made a pretty interesting change at the half, subbing Haz off for LMKU. Maybe LMKU offers more of a threat going forward, but I thought Haz was pretty solid in the first half? She was certainly a lot better today than she was in the reverse fixture - she was shredded by Galton on every single run but I didn’t see her do anything like that this time? Anyway. (Also I’m lowkey sad Amy never got to slide tackle her into the middle of next week)

Second half:

‘47 - Quality build up work down the left and a gorgeous ball into the box from LJ, I fortune my it just brushed past Sigsworth and Ross in the 6 yard box/penalty area. So close to a second for United.

‘51 - a pretty poor free kick from Zelem, and a pretty poor decision and back pass from James. Sometimes I wonder if people on this team think about what they’re doing before they do it 🤗

‘53 - decent chance for Reading, which ultimately comes off the back post. United very lucky to get away with that one.

‘59 - Harris was very far forward there for a time. Like in the opposition box forward. Hello, anxiety. Also Amy nearly body checked someone around the same time and I was truly living my best life.

‘61 - Zel with a decent free kick, just couldn’t get the dip it needed to hit the back of the net

‘62 - another good strike from LJ, unfortunately just straight at the keeper.

‘63 - Penalty - Reading. Yellow for Amy for pushing Utland (I didn’t catch who it actually was, but according to Reading’s twitter it was LMKU) and conceding the pen.

‘64 - MARY EARPS SAFE HANDS LET’S GOOOO 🗣👏🏽🔥 What a save, my god. I was sure that was going in, but I’ve never been happier to be proven wrong in my life.

‘75 - another great chance for LJ - a lovely strike, think it could have done with a little bit of a chip, and then surely it was going in. Good work from Jess and Jackie in the build up too

‘76 - ‘82. This is where shit got crazy. And I really have no words for what I saw during this 6 minutes. Well, I do have words - I have a lot of them - but most of them aren’t suitable for this platform so I’ll just keep those ones to myself. Never in all my life have I seen such incompetent refereeing. A free kick awarded to Reading on the edge of the box, due to a ‘handball�� (that didn’t happen) by Lauren James, is cleared and HEADED away by Katie Zelem. The ref then proceeds to book Zelem for handball which, unless she suddenly has a third arm growing out of her FACE (I can confirm - she does not), makes absolutely zero sense, and awards Reading another penalty.

Jess also managed to get herself booked for questioning the ref’s decision and defending Katie sjsjsj, and not a single Reading player made a claim for that penalty. Surely, if she had handled the ball, every Reading player in the box would have appealed for it? You can clearly see the ball hit her head in the video linked below, but apparently the arm bone is now connected to the face bone, at least according to this ref anyway. 🙄

https://twitter.com/48hours8/status/1223996019022626821?s=21

I have no more thoughts on whatever happened after that because I had to turn it off before they scored that penalty, otherwise I would have drop kicked my laptop out my window. For what it’s worth, I did think Martha had a decent game today. I still want Smith at RB and Lotta at LB while Amy’s at CB though. You can’t make me change my mind 🤗

This is the third time this week alone that United have been robbed by poor referees, and apparently the ref of the City/Arsenal game today wasn’t much better. I didn’t see that game so I can’t really comment, but I don’t doubt those claims. The standard and quality of refereeing I’ve seen over the past 2 seasons since my introduction to women’s football has been appalling. And it’s not fair, I think this tweet pretty much sums it up.

The FA has pretty much demanded that every team/club in the WSL be full time, it’s about time that they demand the same qualifications and high quality from their officials, because this just isn’t good enough. And not just from the standpoint of a United fan, and in the context of today’s result, but league wide. It’s just not good enough. I’m completley here for literally everybody calling this shambles out for what it is, and the United girls being salty af on the tl.

Sorry that is this kinda long and ranty, but I’m in my feelings about this ref. ✌🏽

[extasiswings]

Author Ask Game

Tagged by @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels. *blows kiss*

Author Name: extasiswings on Ao3 and here on tumblr (obviously).

Fandoms You Write For: Currently Timeless, but I wrote several oneshots for Red, White & Royal Blue over the summer when I fell down that rabbit hole of feels, have a WiP for the Peter Wimsey Mysteries, and I’ve also written in the past for Black Sails, X-Files, and Daredevil/the MCU.  

Where You Post: On Ao3, although I also answer prompts here on tumblr.

Most Popular Oneshot: In the Timeless fandom, I would have to say either Woe & Wisdom or The Whistle Echoes (technically a two-shot but only because everyone asked for more after I originally posted it as a oneshot) based on response. 

By hits, however, it’s my first posted MCU fic on Ao3, the monument of a memory (tear it down), which is the first in a series that deals with fem!Tony Stark + the idea of Steve being found and unfrozen during the first Iron Man movie and goes from there. 

By kudos, it’s (baby) don’t make me spell it out, or I stayed up all night reading Red, White & Royal Blue and then read it again and @letmetellyouaboutmyfeels said I needed to write an engagement fic and well...disaster boys in love are messy and inspiring. 

By comments, also (baby) don’t make me spell it out because the RW&RB fandom is an absolute DELIGHT and very free with affection.  

Most Popular Multi-Chapter Story: Technically, it’s whispers like poetry, but for multi-chapters I wrote myself, it’s Enemies Foreign and Domestic, the Captain Hill segment of my MCU West Wing series In This White House.  

Favorite Story You Wrote: Too difficult; next question. Okay, actually that’s not true. I love almost everything I’ve written for greatly varying reasons, but I have a soft spot for writing rarepairs, so on that note, my two Asher Flynn/Maria Tompkins fics, we couldn’t bring the columns down (background for them in the epic All Souls AU by @qqueenofhades who was kind enough to let me play in her sandbox during the horrors of bar prep. I love it even though only like three people and a cat actually read it), and the lost myth of true love which is my take on background for them in canon. Also my Garcia Flynn/Lorena Flynn backstory series all the ashes in my wake.    

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[my-love-peterp]

Mistaken Chapter Six

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please like and rb/comment <3

Word Count: 2721 (this actually comprises chapters 7 and 8 on Ao3)

THERE ARE NO ENDGAME SPOILERS, THIS IS A DELAYED UPLOAD FROM AO3

Fic Summary: Peter Parker has been given the responsibility of bringing in a new recruit. Now, as an adult, he realizes that none of the trashy YA novels he read in high school could have prepared him for this. There was a storm on the horizon, and all they could do from the Tower is watch.

Chapter Summary: it... it is a thing. Good luck friends lol

Warnings: smut and language and that’s probably it. mentions of death and gun violence probably, it’s been a while since I wrote this

Chapter One   Chapter Two   Chapter Three   Chapter Four   Chapter Five

We sat, assessing one another and picking at our plates of food, more for something to do with our hands, as opposed to nothing at all. In those moments I could just read in his body language the fact that he had put two and two together and remembered why I looked so familiar. He had been responsible for training my sister when she failed on missions, whereas I had never had to face the wrath of the Winter Soldier and his handlers. For a year or so after we escaped, my sister and I saw his face in every passing stranger, terrified Hydra was coming back to reclaim us.

Because to Hydra, we weren’t members of a team, as they had initially led my sister and I to believe. We were their property, attack dogs trained to be set loose every once in a while. Caged, every other time. I let my fork clatter to the table before folding my fingers underneath my chin to support my head as I stared at the man across from me.

Barnes followed suit, pushing his plate away and leaning back in his chair. His ice blue eyes flashed to mine before he took a sharp breath in and out and then spoke for the first time since he’d walked through my door just under an hour ago.

“So, were you sent here to bring me in? Wanda doesn’t seem to think so but I’ve known Hydra for a few more decades than she has, so I’m warier.” Simple and to the point. Disciplined even, to any onlookers there might have been. But, as a fellow survivor of Hydra saw all his tells, the brightness of his eyes, the clenched teeth and slightly hunched shoulders. I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he wasn’t fully seated either, prepared to spring up at any moment, despite his look of nonchalance.

“You should trust Wanda more. No, soldat, I didn’t come to bring you in. You know,” I said, chuckling drily, “I thought this conversation was going to happen years ago but in reverse. Did no one from Hydra come looking for us? Before they went under? Or were Nadia and I just new playthings for you and yours?” I asked, ice coating my harsh tone.

Bucky flinched at my use of Russian and again at the name of my sister. So he did remember us. Somehow, that didn’t make me feel any better about his presence here.

“Our superiors were… rather distracted by certain developments and felt that you all would return to your homes. I guess their arrogance finally got the better of them in that regard. And then, with the new threat of Thor, Steve and Tony and the convergence of the Avengers on the world scale, they more than likely shoved your files deep down. Though I’d imagine your recent resurfacing has been noted by rogue Hydra factions that are still operating around the globe.”

A solid enough explanation for why no one had come for Nadia and I. Another thing I had to thank the Avengers for, I supposed. “So, what happens now? Wanda has seen all she needed to see to support me. Where will the others fall in line?”

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, leaning forward so his elbows rested on the table. “Steve believes Wanda and is willing to work with you. Same goes for Natasha and Clint and the Maximoffs. Tony… well, he may get over this sooner than he did before but I wouldn’t count on it. We still haven’t figured our shit out, though I was the one who killed his parents in person. But I didn’t do it in my right mind. That’s the difference between the two of us I suppose.”

I laughed, darkly at first before it rapidly became hysterical, but I managed to keep a handle on the powers inside of me. “You really think I was in my right mind Barnes? After years of the torture and abuse I suffered at the hands of my parents to then be rescued and groomed by an evil organization when I was barely twelve? Not even close. But by the time I realized what Hydra really was, it was too late. They weren’t letting us go, not without exacting a terrible price.”

Barnes sighed and looked back at me, eyes softening almost imperceptibly. “You did come here willingly. And you show no ill intent, despite your obvious penchant for self-destructive tendencies.” I couldn’t exactly disagree. “I think you’ll find that you’ll fit right in with this merry little band of superpowered misfits. We’re all a little broken here.”

Nodding, I pushed back my chair and stood up, grabbing my plate to dump its contents into the trash can when Barnes spoke again. “You’re not on lockdown anymore. I would advise against leaving the Tower, but this is your home now. Not a prison. And we’d like for you to treat it that way. Just… maybe avoid tony for a little while.”

Yeah, easy enough when you live a few doors away from the guy. But, Barnes did have a point. He stood and moved to the door and wished me goodnight before slipping through the door without a backward glance.

I tossed and turned that night, but not due to overwhelming nightmares, which was a welcome change of pace. No, my skin itched and my brain raced, looking for something to hold on to, looking for any sort of distraction. My body begged me to take action, to do something. After days of being laid up, even just a simple jog sounded like it would hit the spot for my restless limbs.

I gave in at around two in the morning, throwing on my leggings, slick work out short and tennis shoes before pulling my hair back. Then I was out the door and down to the rec level of the Tower, which was like a carnival for enhanced people.

For the first hour, I thought I was alone as I ran a few miles, lifted so small-ish weights and completed over a hundred sit-ups, which isn’t a lot, but it wasn’t half bad for a warm up. It wasn’t until I was shadow boxing that I realized I wasn’t alone. I felt a rapturous presence behind me and to the left. So I spun quickly and jabbed at the face of the intruder, only to punch… two feet?

“Hey, don’t you know it’s rude to touch someone else’s feet without consent. Could sue you for harassing me, you know.”

Parker. Spidey, it seemed, had decided to literally hang out behind me, upside down, suspended from the ceiling. “What do you want Buggy?” I asked as if nothing had transpired between us over the past few, very eventful dates.

“Sometimes I just hang around here at night. Calms me down, plus the ceilings are high enough that I can practice some more… out of the box acrobatics without embarrassing myself and ending up on the front page of the Daily Bugle again. You know how they are.” I did actually. Their constant tirade against Spider-Man was one of the few things that actually made me laugh out loud.

But I totally understood the need for peace and quiet and to kind of get rid of the riff-raff. So I smiled brightly and asked Buggy if he could show me how exactly he managed to get that tensile strength in the material he used for his webs.

To say Peter was like a toddler around science would be an understatement. But it made us both happy. So we went, the past firmly behind us.

Peter and I spent the rest of the night in the labs. Mostly, it was just Peter demonstrating how each of his projects worked, like the changes he was making to his web formula and improvements he was making to his suit to change the way he could interface with his A.I. Karen.

Sometime later, as the sun was sluggishly rising, FRIDAY gently (for an AI) reminded Peter and me that now would be the only time to shower, eat and dress before training commenced for the day. At the reminder, Peter simply grimaced, and I returned the expression. What was waiting for me down on the common floor couldn’t possibly be good. Peter pushed down the sleeves of his sweatshirt nervously and gestured for me to follow him as he stepped into the elevator.

Down on the common floor, everyone was nursing their own cup of coffee, steam billowing into their faces. Well, everyone except Thor. He had a beer stein full of chocolate milk that he nearly chugged as he giddily bounced up and down in his seat, the godly equivalent of a toddler and golden retriever wrapped in one muscly package of happiness and positivity.

Without a word, Pietro handed Peter and I both our own coffees. Mine was an iced cold brew. Some deep, nearly dead part of me was touched that he remembered my disdain for hot, weak drinks. He winked at me as he turned back to return to his spot next to the fridge, but not before swiping another donut from the breakfast bar. Something must have happened before Peter and I arrived because Clint and Sam both glared daggers at Pietro.

“So...” I began, “we going to talk about the elephant in the room or ignite it until we hit the training rooms and punch it out?”

Steve and Wanda looked up sharply from the food in front of them, taking not so sneaky glances at the others. Tony was gripping his coffee mug so hard, if he’d been anyone else in the room, it would have shattered. Sam just looked weary and Bucky... he was leaning up against the sink, arms crossed over his chest. He almost looked disappointed.

“Punching it out seems to be the winner. If you have a problem with me or need questions answered, you know how to get them. Beyond that, I’m not leaving so don’t even try.” I began choking up out of nowhere. “I’m not letting those bastards take another home from me. You all have always been nothing but kind and I treated that kindness with deception and indifference. But I’m going to blame that on the whole, kindness being a completely new experience for me. Obviously, I mean everyone here no harm...” I petered off, not knowing what to say to get my feelings across. I looked around, lost, capturing the gazes of Pietro and Bucky, who both just nodded back at me.

Bucky pushed off of the counter and approached me, laying a hand on my shoulder. “Kaida is no more Hydra than I am. If you trust in me, be open to trusting her. We’ve all... made mistakes.”

Yeah, that’s one way to put it.

Even Thor looked uncomfortable at this point and Tony was just straight up heading for the elevator without a backward glance. Bruce trailed after him, shrugging apologetically. Seconds that felt like hours passed and finally, the elevator began to descend to the lab floors.

“Alright team, move out. We have work to do,” Steve said in his most Captain-y voice. And damn if it wasn’t kind of hot. I wasn’t the only one who thought so. I could tell just from the shift from light blue to icy gray in Bucky’s eyes that he was going to be pulling Rogers into his room later. Or sooner, depending on how tight his shirt was today

Hours and buckets of sweat later and the whole team broke for lunch. As expected, no one took me up on my offer but we still weren’t pre-incident buddies anymore. Bucky and Pietro seemed most inclined to stick by my side while Wanda was off with Vision. Peter gave me these weird agonizing glances from across the main training floor the whole time. The kid was weird. Who knows what he got up to in his own brain.

Anyways, I knew what I had to do as soon as I stepped on to the elevator, moments after everyone else left to the cafeteria area. There was a confrontation that was way overdue.

As soon as I stepped out on to the slightly grimy linoleum floor of the lab, Bruce looked up and blanched before quickly shoving his papers and laptop into a satchel and bounding for the elevator before it closed behind me.

“Good luck,” he muttered shakily. I nodded in thanks and a moment later he was gone. A quick look around told me that Tony must be in a back room somewhere, probably grabbing parts. In the background, Black Sabbath tinkled through the inlaid speaker system.

“Brucey, darling, do you want to go with blue or green for the new nanotech in Veronica?? Or maybe purple, unless that would be too on the no-.” He quickly cut himself off as he came waltzing around the corner of desks and displays to see me perched on his stool.

“Get out,” he growled, standing stock still, shoulders tense. When I didn’t move, he did, reaching for the minibar he had installed on the wall opposite me, pulling out a bottle of scotch and taking a swig.

“Well if it’s going to be that kind of party...” I drawled darkly before reaching down into my gym bag and pulling out my flask of bourbon and followed suit. Tony didn’t exactly roll out the welcome wagon after that but he did seem to relax a bit. At the very least, he didn’t summon what was left of the Iron Legion protocol to physically remove me from his presence.

“Why are you here Kaida?” Tony finally asked, ice coating his words as they pierced into me in ways I wasn’t expecting.

“Is it so odd for a former assassin to check up on her friends? I mean, it would be a shame to just throw everything away for a simple misunderstanding right? At the very least we have to work and live together. Unless you intend to kick me out?” I stared Tony down, waiting for that explosive anger that I knew he was trying to shove deep down.

“Oh Kaida, we were never friends. We fucked. But I’d fuck anything with two legs and a rack. I think you know that as well as I do. The only reason I ever gave up that life was Pepper and, well, you know exactly how that turned out.”

“Again, not my doing. I was long gone by the time someone executed the hit they had on her.”

“But you knew and you did nothing. Warned no one. You know, it’s not like I’m hard to find. A literal skyscraper that used to have my name on it not stand out to you?”

“I-,” I began, searching for any explanation for my inaction. As terrible as it was to admit, I’d simply never considered interfering with Hydras plans. I was much more concerned with keeping my sister and myself alive at the time.

“You know,” Tony said, interrupting my frantic, guilty train of thought, “some kid once told me that when you have the powers and abilities that we do and do nothing, then the bad things that happen, they happen because of you. Maybe you should chew on that for a little while Kaida. I won’t kick you out but I don’t want to see your face around my space for a long while.”

And then, like a switch flipped in my body, hot rage filled me. What did this entitled, rich snob know about being a kid my age and seeing the shit I’d seen? When he was my age he was partying every night and wrecking Bentley’s and Aston Martin’s like it was nothing, like nothing mattered to him at all.

“Maybe you should grow a pair then Stark. You’re really angry, huh? Prove it. Fight me. Kick me out. We both know I can take it. You saw the bruises when I first moved in. Couldn’t be missed with that lack of clothing when we first got acquainted. Do your worst.”

Suddenly he was in my face again, hatred and something else raged in his eyes. Maybe not hatred at me, but at the reaction, I could always weasel out of him. Had been doing for my past few weeks at the Tower.

Stark slammed his bottle down on the desk right beside me before wrapping his hand through the hair at the back of my hair hard, twisting and pulling me forward before viciously kissing and biting my neck. It was painful but not in a way that made me inclined to push him away.

“God I hate you so much,” he said and he ripped my shirt up and over my head before taking a step back.

“Wanna be useful? Turn around and bend over the desk, hands behind your back. And don’t move a muscle.”

I did as he said, breath coming out in gasps.

Oh, this was bad.

Really bad.

Or maybe really good.

TAGLIST: @peeterparkr @laurfangirl424 @private-bucky-barnes