#people my mom has known a while and maybe have known me? but i fully don’t remember them at all so that’s a dynamic i Hate

[brittlebutch]

nothing like a full-blown pathetic meltdown on the floor to make it a real holiday <3

[wheelerpilled]

'forced conformity is killing the kids'

Mike Wheeler ST5 Theory/analysis

So we've all seen the new BTS of Finn Wolfhard on the set of Stranger Things dropped and OH MY GOD. THE DUALITY FROM LAST SEASON.

I have to TRY write about it ATLEAST...because wow I have a lot of potential thoughts, sorry it's once again unstructured, messy, and repetitive but stay with me please!!!!!!!!!!

I've seen ALOT of people happy we're getting s1-2 Mike hair back but guys .....it's not a good thing!!!!!!!!!! Mike is going THROUGH IT.

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In Season 4 it's acknowledged that Mike is finally coming into his own a bit, Eddie says he was wearing 'whatever his mom bought him' when he first came to highschool, but in episode 1 when we see him for the first time in S4, he's clearly been influenced by Eddie and has figured out what style he likes and what he's interested in, he's in a DND club, he's comfortable being known as an uncool nerd, he's growing his hair out (yes I DO believe it's because he idolised Eddie, I have more to say about that in a second)

basically: his hair and his outfits, aswell as pretty much the way he acts in Hawkins (NOT California- he goes back to pretending to be something else) in S4 represents the ideology non-conformity and his sense freedom in this new persona

he doesn't feel lost in highschool anymore, he's doing what he likes with his friends (DnD) and he's proudly wearing his hellfire shirt around school/Hawkins, basically, he's accepting that it's okay to enjoy 'different' things that aren't considered the norm, and it makes him happy, he feels comfortable!

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But now in Season 5, from the pictures we've seen, it looks like he's fully reverted back into his shell, I guess I understand why tbh I don't blame him:

he comes back to Hawkins after everything and everyone believes he's in a satanic cult- townspeople probably treat him badly and Jason's team mates probably blame Eddie and the rest of hellfire for Jason's 'disappearance' (death). They directly connect him with all the horrible things that have happened to Hawkins as of late

...which is probably what the BTS of them walking towards Mike are about, they probably keep harassing him no matter how he acts and Mike just wants them to leave him alone, let's face it:

High school has probably gone full circle back to middle school for Mike and he's getting bullied/mistreated again. So he feels his only option is to remove himself from Hellfire and become 'normal'.

Hellfire might maybe even be blamed for the gates being opened. Last we heard, the townspeople were hunting down Eddie and the rest of hellfire, and the graffiti on Eddie's grave in the S5 pics shows that he's still very much hated.

Mike probably got harassed by multiple people who don't believe Eddie's dead, or believe Mike was in on it and are out looking for him, or think Hellfire contributed to some satanic ritual causing the 'earthquake' and thus Mike is also a target and it's dangerous for him.

So I think part of the style change and haircut is due to THAT, he doesn't wear his hellfire shirt anymore because he doesn't want any affiliation with the club.

As Finn Wolfhard has said in previous interviews 'mikes just trying to act as normal as possible' so by seperating himself from Eddie/Hellfire and becoming more conventionally 'normal' he won't be treated like an outcast.

He won't be assaulted, bullied, blamed, or worse if he conforms. He has a greater chance of everything becoming better/easier while living in Hawkins if he does this, he might have even given up DnD aswell- so yeah he's gonna be pretty MISERABLE in season 5

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Alot of people wanted to see his reaction to Eddie's death, I think we'll definitely be seeing the lingering after effects of it, and alot of Mike's arc will kick off because of the aftermath of the vilification of Hellfire.

Only few people know that Eddie died to try protect Hawkins, Eddie was a role model for Dustin and Mike, but they're grieving him in COMPLETELY different ways

Dustin decides to honour him by taking up a similar style and proudly wearing his hellfire shirt, and is also probably trying to sway the town's opinion on Eddie and prove him innocent.

....But Mike seemingly decides that he DOESNT want to end up like Eddie anymore: dead and hated, known as a satanic freak.

Someone he idolised is now deceased, he doesn't know how to properly handle that fact, it's intimidating that someone he looked up to do much could be so hated, and in turn has caused the reaction from Mike that is basically 'if my idol is treated as such a horrible outcast, and I wanted to follow in his footsteps, where would that leave me?' he's feeling lost and hopeless, especially with the state Hawkins is in, so he probably decides the best thing to do is just blend in. Be normal.

It probably scares him that even merely his interest in DnD and all these other factors immediately make him a target, as far as townspeople believe- Mike is one of the kids who was close with a brutal serial killer, they probably think he's just as 'messed up as Eddie the freak was' for staying friends with someone who'd do such horrible things

I think Mike just wants to hide as much as he can right now, he has ALOT on his plate and doesn't need the rest of the town out to get him.

so if anyone asks: he'll probably say things like 'I didn't really know Eddie! I would never join a cult like that, I didn't know!' or something to try seperate his name from the hellfire club.

Mike will end up picking protecting himself and hiding his true identity and values/traits rather then living exposed and vulnerable; yet true to what he actually believes is right....And that is the opposite of what Dustin is doing,

Dustin is a proud hellfire member and friend of Eddie, he's picking what he thinks is right over self-preservation from the town, he's still wearing his battered shirt, now HE'S the one growing his hair out, he still adores Eddie and misses him (so does Mike probably, but he feels he CANT outwardly publicly show support or stand up for him)

I do wonder if this will cause some sort of tension between Dustin and Mike, because Dustin is doing the opposite and becoming more like Eddie instead of distancing himself from the hellfire name, he might feel betrayed that Mike 'gave up' on Hellfire, and maybe accuse him of not even caring about Eddie or his death?? Idk!!!!!!!!!! I feel like Dustin will also be going through it this season 😭😭😭

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I do also think Mike will try to be clinging alot to El this season (I mean, before they inevitably break up which I believe will probably happen kinda early on if it actually happens at all)

this is also because just the idea of having a girlfriend corresponds to his idea of conformity and being 'normal'. He just wants to be a normal guy, his life is nothing out for the ordinary, he's not interested in satanic things like dnd and hellfire, he's just a normal person. A normal person who is PROBABLY a target of Vecna in season 5 😓

I believe his arc for this season will be trying to breakout of these notions of conformity in exchange for things he actually likes and is interested in, we saw him sort of branching out in season 4, but I think THIS time it's happening for real, and he'll end up fully embracing his own views and interests after some sort of emotional arc-which will also probably be part of the M*lev*n break up (not censored because I'm against them/hate them I just don't wanna clog the tag for others 😭😭) OR set off by the breakup

Throughout season 1 he was told he liked El, or others assumed it, so I think he assumed it aswell, they just never broke up because El ALSO thinks having a boyfriend is normal and expected, and because Mike was the boy she was closest to she assumed it was romantic feelings (and he kissed her in S1 which probably contributed to her assuming they were romantic feelings)

Alot of the people around her are also in relationships, and she watched alot of TV with happy romantic couples so she thinks it's more normal to HAVE a boyfriend then to NOT have one, I think Mike and El kinda stayed together because they think they're SUPPOSED to by these social standards,

They obviously care about each other alot, and mistook it as reasons to just stay together, she wants to be a normal girl because only being a superhero isnt good for her, she needs to be 'Jane Hopper' and not '011'. I do think she definitely needs to be single for awhile and find herself, even if her and Mike are to be endgame, she NEEDS at least some time to gain some experiences outside of living her life as a superhero, (Mike also needs character development outside of being 'Els Boyfriend's)

Which is why it was vital that her time with max in S3 existed, so El could realise her value and that there is a life outside having a boyfriend- I think Mike needs a similar moment aswell, a wake-up call of sorts where he can take a step back and consider maybe rather than letting society dictate his actions, he makes decisions for what he wants for himself ('we make our own rules')

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If m*lev*n is endgame then sure that's great for them, but I genuinely don't know what big character arc could be in store for Mike that doesn't involve a breakup and themes of non-conforming, it doesn't even have to involve Byler endgame at all (although I AM a byler truther)

I think Mike learning that it's okay to let go of that romantic relationship if he doesn't feel that way anymore is a big step for his character, or atleast taking a break so he can work on himself, anything along those lines of actual development on himself rather then on his relationship- El and Mike have been romantically paired from the start, he needs to learn that it's OKAY to breakup with someone if thats what he feels is right, (side note: I DO believe El would/will be the one to breakup with him 😭)

I don't think he realises that he'll be able to stay friends with El, it's not 'shes my girlfriend or else she'll hate me for breaking up with her. No other options'

he doesn't want to lose her because he cares about her but he can't find a way to balance that romantic relationship alongside his other friendships. So I think for his character to develop they have to breakup, even temporarily, but obviously that's only my opinion if M*lev*n is endgame then oh well, it's endgame, but I think they would be a really awesome platonic duo and I'd like their relationship alot more if it was that way

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I think later in the season he'll realise that living this way not actually what he wants, and he doesn't want to give up who he is, or pretend to be something he's not- because he IS a nerd who likes DnD, and he does support Eddie, he cared alot about him because he idolised him, and i think season 5 is about him learning that that's okay and he doesn't have to feel so much pressure to conform by societal standards, bro needs a better grief process, forced conformity GOT HIS ASS 😭😭😭

What I'm trying to say is: all of this, and his new look is a safety net of sorts, he's still pretending to be something he's not because he feels he HAS to, otherwise it's dangerous for him in Hawkins because of hellfires reputation, but he's also acting this way because of other factors that I haven't really thought through yet LMAO

I believe season 5 will probably be him accepting those things about himself and embracing it, maybe also undoing his emotional repression along the way, I guess I would describe it as coming of age and I think if it's handled well it could be really beautiful in a way

OH MY GOD I RAMBLED SO MUCH AND IT ISNT EVEN A SOLID THEORY JUST A COLLECTION OF THOUGHTS😭

Sorry that was long and repetitive but uhhhhhhhhhhhh yeah..........anyways Mike Wheeler ily keep ur head up king please don't die in S5‼️‼️ stay safe‼️‼️

[hunter-sylvester]

Skullflower is Autistic: A Breakdown.

Buckle the fuck up.

Disclaimer: Don't take any of this too seriously.

Also all of this was written over a year ago with only minor edits. I'm just posting it now cause it's been rotting in my drafts and, like, fuck it.

I've wanted to try and make a comprehensive breakdown like this for a while just because I love these characters and very heavily interpret them all as autistic (with ADHD as well.) But this is just the perspective of one guy. And I probably overstate it but the fact that we can all have our own very personal interpretations about media is what's great about analysis & fandom.

Hunter Sylvester.

Yes I'm doing Hunter first, what do you think I am? Unbiased? Please.

Autistic Perfectionism. Hunter's autistic perfectionism is something I've mentioned before and somewhat struggle to describe satisfactorily. But to me the most obvious example is his inability to deal with the idea of Emily joining Skullfucker as a cellist. Obviously, there's the queer angle to this but I think two reasons can play a role at once. He's in love with Kevin so he doesn't want a girl that Kevin picked to be a part of their band. Additionally, I'd argue that he can't deal with the idea of having a girl cellist as their bass player because it in NO WAY fits the mental image that Hunter has in his mind of what he wanted Skullfucker to be. It doesn't match the perfect idea that he's dreamed of, that he holds onto for dear life, so he can't deal with it.

Hyperfixations. "Hunter's been into a lot of things since I've known him but he's stuck with metal longer than any of them." - Kevin. Need I say more? Well, I will anyway. The guy hyperfixates. I think the closest thing we have to a canon confirmed hyperfixation is Dungeons & Dragons. Because of what in my mind is a combination of Autism and ADHD in Hunter, they don't fully leave him. He still likes and plays D&D, but he's not as obsessed with it as he used to be when he made his dad buy him the most ridiculous game terrain that fucking lights up.

Special Interests. I think one of the easiest claims to make is that metal is a special interest for Hunter. He entrenches his entire life in it and reaches for it when a stressful situation happens to try and make himself feel more okay. (getting his hair cut off by Skip and relating his new look to Jason Newsted) It's clearly something that comforts him, having been obsessed with it ever since his mom left. Which, regardless of the specific circumstances, is a horridly stressful situation for any 12-13 year old.

Struggles with social interaction. He doesn't seem to have a lot of friends. He gets along with Robbie, Kevin (obviously) and the people he plays D&D with but that seems to be it. Especially whenever the situation gets very stressful, Hunter's mind immediately reaches for his comfort interest to try and make it through (or to lash out). He can't easily just be comfortable in a strange social situation. Or a strange situation in general.

Stims. Hunter stims by playing guitar. That's it, that's the whole point. And there's this little move:

Kevin Schlieb.

Neutrality. The way Kevin just takes Hunter and Emily as they are feels autistic to me.

Struggles with social interaction. And he clearly wants it to be easier for him. He wants to connect to people but he doesn't know how. It's not like he doesn't understand people. He does. He understands Hunter better than Hunter understands himself. "sometimes he's not so nice to people when he's uncomfortable" "You are afraid of everybody" "you treat everybody like shit and you make them hate you" But that understanding of how people think and work doesn't translate to his direct interactions with most of his peers. Maybe because he understands other neurodivergent people but not neurotypicals. The fact he does have a decent read on, at the very least, his best friend could also be indicative of the extra work Kevin has had to put in over the course of his life to try and understand people to begin with.

Directness. A lot of Kevin does feel direct to me. I suppose in a 'what you see is what you get' sort of way. He obviously has the whole protagonist thing going on which tends to end you up with pretty neutral, earnest and open characters.

Stims:

Emily Spector.

Gets overstimulated. Emily's outbursts could be attributed more to a struggle regulating her emotions. It's not a huge stretch to assume her mystery medication is a mood stabilizer. However, the idea of it being a combination of being overstimulated and then no longer being able to deal with her anger on top of the distress she's already feeling feels apt to me. This is a stretch, but, we only ever see her have outbursts at school. A nightmare environment for the stimuli sensitive. Emily is by far the character out of the main three we spend the least time with, which could easily explain my previous point away. We hardly see her out of school to begin with. But I think there can be merit in taking it as a part of the story, rather than an incidental effect of her being left by the wayside.

Black and white thinking. "So first you tell me that I should hate him, and now you want me to help him?" - Emily. No, he didn't say you should hate him, Emily. "You have every right to be mad- especially at Hunter!" - Kevin.

Directness. I mean she literally calls up Kevin to ask him if he wants to go fuck in a parking lot and more power to her. But it is very direct.

Struggles with social interaction. And apart from Skip & Co. having a particular hate-boner for Hunter, Emily might actually be the most widely ostracized for her lack of social finesse. Which would check out because society is brutally cruel to girls. Kevin is shown to have some positive interaction outside of the other two main characters, so is Hunter. And, yes, so is Emily. But it's only with the janitor of the school, who she is implied to have had previous interactions with. Having your only friend at school be the fucking janitor is not a neurotypical experience. I know I certainly got along easier with a handful of teachers than I did with my peers back when I was at school.

Whatever this is. Fam, I've BEEN there...but it's not neurotypical:

A 'little' note to end on: I want to state that I love all three of these character very dearly. I don't pretend that I don't have a favorite, but they are all amazing. There's various reasons why Metal Lords is such a comforting movie, but a big one, is that the characters act in a way that feels incredibly familiar. They act like me. They act like my autistic friends. We make weird facial expressions, we understand the world and each other through our interests. The way all of them talk feels so close to home. (The swearing is actually part of that. A lot of real people swear and over-censoring of that tends to bug me but that's kinda beside the point lmao)

[papermonkeyism]

This post can be found in my devArt, (link), please use that for linking if you need the reference, thank you!

Wingbeans

The funny little griffin-y things colloquially known as wingbeans are flightless, roughly cat-sized, seemingly mammalian creatures with curious nature.

They resemble bipedal cats with chicken feet, but not quite. They are usually covered in soft, floofy fur, except for their hind legs and pawpads. They have soft snoot covering their mouths, which they will boop into things and people they like. Snoot bumps are their way of saying hello.

They have big, bright eyes with vertical slit pupils, and their nostrils are hidden beneath the floof of the snoot. They trust their sight and hearing more than their sense of smell.

They have short arms with three fingers, that are usually held tucked against their chest. The fingers usually have hidden cat claws.

Their wings are small and covered in soft, fluffy feathers, that are used mostly as display and as an additional pair of arms when climbing. The wings have five fingers in a fluff mitten, each having a paw pad, which is where the name wingbean comes from. In a wild type 'bean only the thumb of the wing has a retractable claw, like a cat, to use as climbing grip and for defence.

Their legs are usually hairless from ankle down, and have four toes, three pointing forwards and a small dewclaw pointing backwards. The foot claws are dull, and non-retractable.

They usually have long floofy tails, though there are short tailed and even bobtailed variations. It is also possible to have a tuft tipped tail.

Wingbeans are omnivorous, and as a species aren't picky about what they eat, though personal preferences vary wildly.

Wingbeans can have anywhere between 1 and 4 kittens (also called beanies or beanlings) at a time, most often 2. The kittens are born within a soft leathery egg shell, and they hatch usually within few hours after birth. They nurse their young like mammals.

Mom takes care of the kittens untill they're big enough to fend for themselves, though the offspring often stays nearby even as adults. The 'beans are social creatures who enjoy hanging out with friends, so big family groups (be they actually related or adopted) aren't unusual.

Wingbeans are considered fully grown at one year old, and in the wild their life span tends to be around 20 years, though domesticated 'beans can get a lot older.

Wild wingbeans come in a wide variety of markings and their colors cover all shades of browns and grays, but some have been bred to display brighter colors and strange markings, including unnatural ones. All coat types and lengths are possible; short haired, long haired, curly coated, maned, etc.

They have no apparent sexual dimorphism, and gender appears to be an optional feature to them.

Wingbeans are meant to be fun creatures, and to bring joy and fun.

Wingbeans are not meant for making money. They can be created freely, and they may be gifted, but they shall not be sold.

If you want to get rich by making weird little griffin-y things, make your own species.

Can I make my own wingbean?

Yes you can!

Can I make wingbean adoptables?

As long as you don't sell the designs for real life money. Giving them away for free, or trading them for virtual stuff such as virtual petsites' in-game currency, or things like art or poetry is fine.

Can I make wingbean NFTs/sell them for crypto stuff?

No.

Can I commission people to draw my wingbean?

Yes! Also, while wingbeans themselves aren't meant to be bought with money, do pay artists for the work they do. Artists need to eat too.

Can I commission an artist to design me a wingbean?

I'd say that still counts under the commission clause, so yes.

Can I use them in my D&D/TTRPG campaign?

Sounds fun, sure!

What if I want my wingbean to have rainbow colors?

Sure. Maybe your 'bean was bred by a wizard or something. Have fun!

Can my wingbean have raptor claws?

Sounds awesome. Go for it!

Can my wingbean have horns or other fancy details?

Did your 'bean wander in the way just as you were about to cast polymorph, didn't it?

You said they are flightless, but what if I want my wingbean to be able to fly?

Sounds like it was either born with bigger wings, or it can levitate. Either way sounds cool.

Can I make a wingbean of a big cat species?

That might stretch the definition of a wingbean, but if you feel like it's still wingbeany enough, then sure, go for it!

Do they have whiskers?

They can, if you want.

Are wingbean legs scaly like bird feet, or leathery?

Whichever you want. Both are good.

Are there any rare or limited features or markings?

The rarity of those depend entirely on what kinds of 'beans people create. If half the people making wingbeans decide to make theirs blue, then I guess blue isn't a rare color at that point, now is it?

But how will I know if my wingbean is special?

It's special because it's yours. No wingbean belongs behind paywalls.

What would a hairless wingbean look like?

Considerably less fluffy.

[hyperfixatedcatlover]

The Beauty's Rebirth Chapter 1 - Casting Call

Alright here's chapter 1! Please don't hesitate on giving constructive criticism. Once again, I have no idea wth I am doing nor do I know where I am going with the story.

TW: Starvation, implied child abuse, implied claustrophobia, implied yandere behaviors.

MDNI

Prologue - Chapter 1 (You are here) - Chapter 2

"So tell us, how long was becoming a model your dream?"

You blink, and smile sheepishly, before answering,

"Well, it never was that much of a dream for me to be honest. It was just a job to get a roof over my head."

"Really?" The host asks looking shocked, "The most famous model in all the galaxy never even dreamed of it? How does that happen? Did you fall on hard times?"

You pause, having thought of a fake backstory before hand, one that hides the truth while revealing little tidbits. You aren't [Y/N] Ivy anymore, she died when your parents dropped her fake body in their living room for the servants to discover.

"You see, my parents one day told me that I'd be going to a stay with a relative on another planet. They gave me a duffel and shipped me off. It wasn't till I got there did I discover the letter in my bag, telling me that they never wanted me in the first place and I was officially disowned. So I was only 15, lost on another planet, no money or anything. I found my Mother Agency and walked in, as it had started raining. There, they gave me a position to model for them, saying they'd provide a roof to stay under, and the rest is history!"

If only that were the truth. That would be easier to bear. Then you wouldn't feel guilty for eating three meals a day. Then you wouldn't be afraid of dark enclosed spaces. Then you wouldn't feel like you can't be anything less than perfect. If only.

"Oh, what a truly heartbreaking tale. Do you know why your parents would do such a thing?"

I can tell the truth here somewhat more at least.

"My mom was jealous of me. I guess my beauty was always there, even when I was a mere child."

"And your father?"  

"He never saw me as a human, more of some ornament for him to show off."

"Some people just don't deserve to be parents." The host says as he makes a sympathetic face and puts his hand over his heart. 'At least he seems genuine for this.' You think to yourself.

The interview continues, going in a more positive direction, maybe you are not as good at hiding your emotions as you thought. Doesn't matter though, you don't like reliving the past. It hurts too much. It sometimes feels like you traded the stone cage from your parents for the gilded cage of fame. But what else can you do, you never received enough education to get into any academy, just enough to read and write well

"Good wives must have the skills to be their husband's secretary! How will you ever do something with your appalling grammar?"

"Mother, I just forgot a comma! I'm sorry!"

"Are you talking back to me girl? I should've known I was being too soft on you. Bring me my belt servant!"

As the maid disappears from the room, you begin to tear up, knowing what was coming.

You blink out of the memory, as the host begins his last question.

"Now, for anyone out there who want s to be a model, what do you have to say?"

"The standards for beauty are high, but don't let them stop you. Don't stop eating trying to get skinnier, don't spend thousands of credits trying to get clearer skin. True beauty comes within, it's a shame that not many people believe that in this industry."

The crowd applauds you as the host grabs your hand to help you stand up and take a bow, smiling for the camera one last time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a shiny office with a model city's lights twinkling, a halovian watches the TV with a raised eyebrow. He calls his hounds to go dig up the grave of a friend he had never fully believed that she was long dead. He has an investigation to do, after all, no rotten branches can be in his family and the family's lost sheep must be guided home.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a ship somewhere in the galaxy, the only sound other than the video game sound effects coming from the girl beside him is the television. What it is about you that captivates the beast is unsure, maybe he wants to corrupt you, maybe he wants you to fix him, but something carnal inside of him craves you.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a lecture hall where the chalk board is teeming with mathematic equations, the doctor looks at the interview one of his students was watching in class. After confiscating the screen, he notices your face and gets the inescapable urge to sculpt it. It won't be anything like the real thing, but he desires it more than anything right now.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a gambling hall where the stakes are high and the tension is palpable, a gambler looks at the interview over the shoulder of his arm candy for the night. Seeing such a beautiful gem on screen makes him feel the desire to win her, no matter how high the stakes are.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a living room with a few scattered swords his adopted son has yet to put up, the dozing general finds the interview on TV and decides to watch it. Her eyes stir something in him, a desire to hunt her and save her from the abundance, after all, she seems like the kind THEY'D try to steal from him.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A trickster on a planet of ice and snow watches the broadcast with an honorable captain. Both seem enthralled in someway, but one is blushing brightly and another seems curious about how she'd look with tears in her eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In a dingy bar, a cyborg watches the static-filled screen show her beautiful face, still lovely despite the static. He gets that tingle in his metal bones that he got ever since he lost her, the one that said his wife was in danger. He doesn't know why he feels the need to protect you, but it won't leave him alone, and who is he to deny his emotions?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a planet where a knight has stopped to refuel his ship, he falls to his knees seeing the interview on a screen. In his very soul, he knows that the woman showed is his lost Aeon of Beauty, and knows that he will stop at nothing to bring her to the Knights to be properly worshipped.

[yesterdays-xkcd]

This digital music thing will probably reach its endgame sometime in the next decade or so. These are very exciting times.

1337: Part 5 [Explained]

Transcript

[The two men in black bowler hats (RIAA and MPAA agents as known from the previous comic) with their katanas are attacked by Elaine Roberts with her folding knife and Richard Stallman with his own two katanas. Elaine kicks the RIAA man to the left in the back of his leg, while Stallman jumps over the MPAA man to the right, flying high over him from right to left in a flying maneuver hitting his sword while hanging parallel to the ground above the man.] Elaine: Thanks, Stallman! Richard Stallman: 'Tis my pleasure.

[Elaine stands to the left with her knife in one hand having folded it down again. Richard Stallman stands between the two men with bowler hats who are now lying on the floor on either side of him, each with one of Stallman's swords pointing at their throat. Stallman has both arms fully stretched towards them as he looks straight out of the panel. The left (RIAA) man lies flat on his back, his hat and katana lying behind him. The right (MPAA) man is sitting on his knee leaning as far back as he can, since the sword is almost touching the skin on his throat. He wears his hat, but the sword lies behind him, out of reach, even though he is leaning back on one hand close to it. To the far right, a rope comes down from the top of the panel, falling down on the ground so a section of it stretches even farther right in the picture. Down this rope comes a man with googles and a red cape, which is black on the inside. This is Cory Doctorow. He holds onto the rope with two hands, one over one just under his head.] Elaine: So, wait - how did you know we were in trouble? Richard Stallman: My friend here was tracking these thugs from his balloon. Richard Stallman: He called me and I thought I'd stop by. Cory Doctorow: -Hi! Cory Doctorow: Cory Doctorow - It's a pleasure to meet you.

[Elaine has shifted the knife to the other hand. Richard Stallman has moved to the left of the RIAA man, so both bowler hat men are between him and Cory Doctorow. Stallman still points his sword in their direction, but they are lowered. The RIAA man closest to him has picked up his hat in one hand and reaches for his sword with the other hand. The MPAA man now lies on his back, one arm up, leaning on the other. His sword is gone. It does not seem like Doctorow could have taken it. Behind him, Doctorow has reached the ground, the rope hanging behind him. He points left.] Elaine: Balloon? Richard Stallman: Aye. They're up there constructing something called a "Blogosphere." Cory Doctorow: Yup! It's twenty kilometers up, just above the tag clouds.

[The scene is contracted, so to the left, Mrs. Roberts at her desk with her chair and laptop becomes visible (from the previous comic). This without the other people has moved closer. She still types as her son Little Bobby Tables enters and lifts a hand in his mother's direction. He is drawn as a child version of Cueball. Elaine has put the knife away and looks at Richard Stallman, who now stands straight looking at her with the swords crossed in front of his legs. Behind him, just right of the rope hanging down, Cory Doctorow lifts one of the agents up by the throat while looking right and talking to him. The other agent has left the panel. The one he holds has his hat but no sword.] Little Bobby Tables: Mom, I'm hungry. Mrs. Roberts: Hush, I'm coding. You ate yesterday. Richard Stallman: You know, Roberts, GNU could use a good coder like you. Ever thought of joining us? Elaine: Maybe someday. Right now I've got an industry to take down. Elaine: Music doesn't need these assholes. Cory Doctorow: Begone, And never darken our comment threads again!

[Zoom in on Elaine, Richard Stallman, and Cory Doctorow. She stand straight looking at Stallman, who faces towards her swords now on his back crossed. Doctorow is also facing her and holds out both arms towards her. The rope is now outside the panel, as are both bowler hat men.] Richard Stallman: Well, you won't fix the industry with random exploits. You need to encourage sharing in the public mind. Doctorow: Hey; With your music and coding backgrounds, you should get into building better P2P systems.

[The final panel is only a third of the length of the previous panel. The three are still in the panel, but they have moved and are also drawn somewhat smaller. Elaine still faces them right, but now Cory Doctorow is in front of Richard Stallman's swords as before. All have their arms down.] Elaine: What? Straight-up piracy? Cory Doctorow: Sure - have you ever considered it? You'd make a wonderful dread pirate, Roberts.

[To the right of the final panel is a two-column epilogue narrated by Cueball as seen in part 2. It is split into three paragraphs and a "signature." The caption above is centered over the two columns.] Epilogue Cueball (narrating): Elaine shared her ideas with Bram Cohen, who went on to develop BitTorrent. Mrs. Roberts spends her time developing for Ubuntu, and defacing the websites of people who make "your mom" jokes to her daughter. Elaine still stalks the net. She joins communities, contributes code or comments, and moves on. And if, late at night, you point a streaming audio player at the right IP at the right time - you can hear her rock out. ~Happy Hacking.~

[hawkinasock]

I’m hoping you’ll go more in depth about the mom lumine AU for me

I’ll take whatever details you can give me but I do have one specific question: would Yanqing be with Lumine (and maybe Childe) like some crime-committing Batman and Robin, or would he still be with Jing Yuan? I can’t see Lumine abandoning her kid but Jing Yuan without Yanqing just wouldn’t be the same lol

Unfortunately for you, anon, in most versions of this au, she does, in fact, abandon him </3 There is a reason for it, but I'll leave that for another time. Just know that this au is largely canon-compliant.

To keep everything concise and easy to swallow, I'll compile all the lore for the primary (my favorite) version into a bullet point list.

(Putting a cut here in-post because I yapped. So much. I'm sorry, anon)

Lumine and Childe are heavily based on Bonnie and Clyde, and they follow the same general idea and dynamic.

For Childe, his crimes involve mainly petty things, with a good amount of theft, battery, grand theft auto, etc, while Lumine is best known for one thing: the murder of a high-ranking political figure many decades ago.

It should be noted that the two of them aren't hsr versions/expies of their canon selves, they're the same people (technically) and have the same backstories (with some tweaks on Childe's part)

I'll focus on Childe mainly. The main divergence in his story is the fact that once he entered the Abyss at 14, he never left. He remained under Skirk's tutelage for some time, but soon began traveling on his own in search of a blonde girl he's been seeing in his dreams (memories) since childhood.

Two things about the Abyss: 1, I'm following the theories/implications that the Abyss and the sea of quantum are the same and therefore connect to different worlds. 2, and a personal headcanon(?), is that the Abyss saps away at ones sanity, and by association, their memories.

Having spent the better part of a decade in the Abyss, Childe is slightly more unhinged than canon, and despite entering the Abyss to one day return with Lumine, over time, he's all but forgotten most of the life he had before, including his and his family's names. In fact, most of his memories are completely muddied, only clearly remembering his search for one very important person.

It's by seeing Lumine's wanted posters all over the place that eventually leads him to her. Along the way, he becomes a wanted man in his own right for said theft, battery and grand theft auto.

While Lumine denies knowing Childe, she entertains his antics and accepts his (many) requests to join her on her journey, despite not being privy to all of her motivations. His main goal in this partnership is to act as her, well, partner in crime, and hope that maybe one day she'll remember him.

Aside from Lumine, Childe's main goal is to find stronger opponents across the cosmos to challenge himself, and it's through following (and "protecting") her that he can meet different worthy opponents.

It's estimated that they've been in this partnership for 2-3 years prior to hsr's prologue (Childe is roughly 25). So far, no one has been able to catch them or fully understand their motivations.

Bonus: the idea of Yanqing being a sort of "robin" to chilumi's batman (technically its more joker and harley quinn, but still) is an idea I've rotated in my head a bit. I feel that, for the most part, none of the party members would actually know that they're family. Childe and Yanqing would play off each other brilliantly, though. I just know it. Even without knowing he's a dad, he fits into his role with ease.

[stillsolo]

although i normally like to separate my headcanons by verses (modern/sw), i’ll be going with sw only for consistency this time.

NAME: han solo / han ‘jonash e.’ solo NICKNAME(s): captain, general, scruffy-looking, nerfherder.  han has a particular fondness for nicknames, especially when they come from strangers or casual acquaintances.  it isn’t out of any desire for familiarity or a closer connection—far from it.  the truth is, the fewer people who know, hear about, and remember his real name, the better.  it’s a layer of anonymity that keeps him comfortably one step ahead. RELATIONSHIP STATUS: timeline dependent. single. GENDER: cis male. ROMANTIC ORIENTATION:   pansexual.   giving him a label only because i have to.   han is unabashed in what he likes, and he’s open to pretty much anything, be it men, women, enbies, aliens etc. PREFERRED PET NAMES: n/a.     the occasional endearment or pet name is fine, maybe even welcomed if it’s the right person.  however, if that nickname / pet name ever starts to fully replace his real name, it’s a different matter entirely lol  han will quickly grow to resent it, preferring instead to hear his name or, better yet, no nickname at all!

OPINION ON TRUE LOVE: han doesn’t believe in “true love” and there is no way to convince him otherwise.  you’re either gullible or stupidly naïve if you believe in it.  his deep-seated mistrust of anything intangible, anything he can’t see or feel for himself, defines much of his character and disposition, so until he experiences “true love” firsthand—a prospect he’d probably instinctively fight against—he’ll remain unconvinced. OPINION ON LOVE AT FIRST SIGHT:  again, han’s beliefs are grounded in experience.  he’s never known what it’s like to fall in love at first sight and his tendency to keep people at a distance—whether intentional or not—places love and romance at the very bottom of his priorities.  this isn’t exactly a very welcoming mindset, y’know?  however, i will say he might concede to the magic of second glances.  in other words, although the notion of “love at first sight” ultimately remains dumb and bewildering to him, he might find himself seeing someone in a new light after some time has passed, which is about as close as han will ever get to the notion of “love at first sight”. HOW ‘ROMANTIC’ ARE THEY?: this isn’t the first time i’ve grappled with this question, though it has been a few years since i last attempted to answer it.  my core beliefs remain unchanged, but i’ll admit that my perspective has broadened over time.  while han solo might not initially strike one as the most romantic guy out there, i’ve come to view him as one of the more romantic characters in the franchise—albeit from a certain point of view. consider his actions, from daring rescue attempts to insanely self-sacrificing stunts: 1) facing the empire to rescue a captured princess, 2) at the end of anh, when he pivots the falcon, he endangers himself, his ship, and his best friend, all to save some wet-behind-the-ears farmboy 3) riding out ALONE into a dangerous blizzard, armed only with his tauntaun, minimal gear, and with night falling fast, to search for luke, his totally platonic ‘guy friend’. han’s behavior in the first two films alone speaks volumes about the man he truly is and the lengths he’ll go to for the people he cares about.   this, despite his best efforts to convince everyone and their frickin’ moms—and maybe even himself—that he’s only in it for the money / himself / XYZ-excuse.   the stark contrast between his words and his actions is honestly confusing as hell but kinda super endearing if you ask me.  i really want to say more, but i might just make a separate post about this topic if anyone’s interested in reading it lol

IDEAL PHYSICAL TRAITS: this is a tough question to pin down when han isn’t looking for that. he isn’t even the type to actively seek out a partner unless it’s for a one-night stand, and those are rare—so rare, in fact, that he could count those encounters on one hand.  trust issues run deep with han, and given his line of work, physical attraction alone isn’t worth the risk of putting himself in a vulnerable position—and i mean that quite literally              okay, okay, sorry, back to the point: physical appearances don’t matter much to him.  the most i can say is that (alien) humanoids are the best case scenario, but even that isn’t a hard and fast rule.  what he does appreciate is a pretty face, regardless of whether it belongs to a man or a woman.

IDEAL PERSONALITY TRAITS: honesty and loyalty are non-negotiable.  they’re the bedrock of any relationship, romantic or otherwise.  if a person can’t offer him these two basic essentials, then as far as he’s concerned, they’re not worth his time.  everything else is just icing on the cake.  han values people who are adaptable, independent, open-minded, genuine, spirited, decisive, and expressive. UNATTRACTIVE PHYSICAL TRAITS: when it comes to body type, han isn’t looking for an armful of skin and bones, but he’s also not interested in getting crushed by someone with jabba’s physique...  height isn’t much of a factor, either.  look, if they can handle themselves and keep up with him in a tight spot, then they’ve got his attention, okay? UNATTRACTIVE PERSONALITY TRAITS: han isn’t much different from the next guy.  traits like cruelty, pretentiousness, and manipulation are instant red flags.  but if there’s one thing han absolutely cannot and will not tolerate, it’s someone trying to control him or dictate how he should think and feel.  given his upbringing and the years he spent under the oppressive thumb of an emotionally + physically abusive parental figure, it’s understandable—though deeply rooted in past trauma—that he bolts at the first sign of someone trying to exert control over him. lastly, narrow-mindedness / close-mindedness is notably unappealing to him as well.  corellians have a reputation for being worldly and open to new experiences for a good reason, as their adventurous spirit and hunger for the stars led to the invention of the modern hyperdrive.  to han, narrow-minded / close-minded views aren’t just unattractive, they’re a glaring mismatch with the very core of who he is.

IDEAL DATE: ‘dates’ are so far removed from canon!han that i just kinda sat around thinking about this for way too long lol first off, this is super timeline dependent. overall, han doesn’t do dates—not in the traditional sense. with him, dates are so casual they barely qualify as dates at all. unless he’s genuinely falling for someone, you’d be hard-pressed to get him to agree to a one-on-one outing that feels like anything more than a casual hangout. admittedly, he might not even realize what he’s doing. the truth is, han avoids anything that could lead to the kind of solidified promise a real relationship demands—and no, commitment isn’t the issue, it’s everything that comes with it. the idea of meeting their friends, their parents, moving in together, planning for their shared future… it all feels like a slow march toward an inevitable crossroads: either break up or get married. neither of those outcomes sit well with him. ofc, this is until someone lovely comes by to make him want a future with them p: DO THEY HAVE A TYPE?: han is the sort of man who likes learning to love the unique aspects of his partner, the little things that set them apart from a sea of faces.  but if i had to pin down his ideal type, it would be someone who can match him in every sense—quick-witted in conversation and just as sharp in a fight ( an “ordinary citizen” would either bore him or scare him ).  he’s captivated by those who bring excitement and spirit to the table, someone who thrives on adventure and isn’t afraid of the unpredictable turns life tends to take. independence is key.   han values someone who can stand on their own two feet, who doesn’t rely on him for every little thing.  if they lean on him too much, or expect him to be their rock at every turn, that’s one surefire way to push him away.   in short, even if he cares for them, if they can’t adapt to his lifestyle—let’s be real, settling down isn’t exactly on his to-do list—he’ll cut ties, believing it’s best for both of them.   han is always on the move, and anyone who can’t keep up is bound to get left behind.

AVERAGE RELATIONSHIP LENGTH: good luck getting him to even consider using a label, let alone willingly. PREFERRED NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY: the list is extensive: cuddling, napping, hugging, cooking together, eating together, basically spending quality time together doing XYZ!!!   but it’s important to note that unless he has very strong feelings for them or is in love, these gestures won’t come naturally to him, and he might even try to wriggle out of offers/requests with a well-timed change of subject or even abruptly remember he has something to do before frantically running away lol COMMITMENT LEVEL: i’ve talked about this several times over the years but i’ll happily say it again bc this conflation makes me go absolutely feral: han’s reputation has always been besmirched by fans who struggle to mark the difference between fiction and reality.  i adore harrison, but his playboy ways back in the 80′s, bled into han’s image as a character.   once han falls for someone, he becomes exceptionally loyal and deeply committed. OPINION OF PUBLIC AFFECTION: despite what many might assume, han is a fairly reserved man.  in his younger days, this reservation stemmed from a entrenched reluctance to be openly vulnerable, coupled with the awareness of how dangerous it could be to flaunt a romantic interest in a world where potential threats lurked at every corner.  when he’s older, particularly after the events of ROTJ and beyond, this wariness evolves into a personal preference for privacy.  at this stage in his life, he’s general han solo, the dude who helped bring down an empire.  the spotlight is something han never quite grows accustomed to, and it grates on him more than he cares to admit.  public displays of affection are minimal, limited to holding hands or, at most, a quick kiss on the cheek. PAST RELATIONSHIPS?: well, uh, y’see,..,

tagged by : @debelltio thank you for thinking of me alistair!! i rarely get tag memes anymore and i very clearly enjoy doing them lol tagging: @techniiciian @tapalslegacy @sgterso @chosesun @forcenexus @alootus @lightfaithed @duelfated & whoever else wants to do this!!

[mulderscully]

thank you so much everyone who helped me i'm so grateful. this whole week after my diagnosis has felt so hopeless and scary but i'm so humbled by all the support that has come my way. i am trying my hardest to get healthy again because i don't want to die the way my mom did.

under the cut i am gonna put more about what i have been going through with my type 2 diabetes and fatty liver disease. i am going to be talking about food and eating patterns and somewhat disordered eating so tw for that in case you are curious.

i hope this can help some people though.

i have been very scared since my doctor told me i have fatty liver because i watched my mom die from cirrhosis of the liver - which is a real possibility for me now if i don't make changes.

i saw how awful the progression of that disease is.

when my mom was diagnosed she was already jaundiced and had full blown cirrhosis, which i did not understand at the time meant that it was irreversible and that she was absolutely going to die unless she recieved a live transplant. cirrhosis occurs when your liver has received so much damage that it has become scar tissue and cannot function any longer. your liver is an organ you cannot live without. if it is caught very early you have the option of a transplant, but since her disease had progressed so far her heart was not functioning properly and she had a 75% chance of dying on the operating table.

simple fatty liver usually does not cause symptoms and if it does, as with me, they are mild and can be ignored. this is why usually people do not know until it's too late and larger symptoms such as jaundice (yellow skin and eyes), red palms, swelling in the legs and stomach, confusion and hallucinations are present.

this has all scared me so much because i have ptsd from her illness and death, not only did i see all this happen to my mother very quickly- she was diagnosed in 2008 and died in 2010- but now i see it very differently. i understand now that she did not take her diabetes seriously enough, and taking her off the pedestal i have put her on has been hard. i remember how unhealthy she ate while diabetic, i remember how high her blood sugar was. i remember hiding bread and oreos from her. and now i understand that she must have had fatty liver and not known it, and because she already had hepatitis in the past AND was on a medication for depression known as cymbalta, her disease skyrocketed. she was not dieting, she was not exercising and she died without understanding how she got there so fast because non alcoholic fatty liver is SILENT until it's too late and it's not something doctors generally look for.

i do not blame my mother. she had a lot of mental and physical issues that i do not, and everyday i am so grateful that she raised me. but i now know that if they had tested her liver enzymes in say, 2005 or 2006, and told her what i know now, she may still be alive if she had changed her way of living. and that is hard.

when i was laying down for the gallbladder ultrasound there was something telling me it was my liver, and i imagined how scared she must have been in that situation but having no way to get better the way i still do. my mother loved me more than anything, and knowing she was going to die and leave me (her words) was something i know she felt guilty about until the final weeks of her life. i fully believe if she knew what i know, she would have changed.

i am not jaundice, i do not have serious symptoms except occasional discomfort in my abdomen. the craziest part is that this all happened on the anniversary of my mother's death, june 24th.

if she is still somewhere in existance, maybe she was warning me to change before it was too late.

the truth is until now i did not understand the connection between what you eat and your liver, especially if you are diabetic or prediabetic. i am trying really hard not to blame myself, but the truth is my diet for the last few years have been absolutely atrocious. i would wake up and have a sugary iced coffee and a chocolate croissant every day. for lunch i would have pizza or something fast and easy like that and when i got home i would have pasta almost every day. then i would have snacks like chocolate covered pretzels or a pint of ice cream like it was nothing.

if i had been more careful, maybe i wouldn't be where i am now. but the past is the past and truth be told i have an addiction to sugar. the first two weeks after my diabetes diagnosis i felt insane. i cried in the grocery store because i wanted to get candy and soda so bad. it was physically painful not to. but... now a month later those cravings are gone. i do not even WANT a ben & jerrys - as if something in my body switched. and that step was hard, but it has been worth it.

the hardest part has been finding food in the us that is actually healthy and not MARKETED to be healthy. these are different things and i learned that recently too.

i want to make it clear that i am not shaming how anyone eats. i am not trying to lose weight because i don't like looking fat. i actually realized i am going to miss my fat body as i start to slim down. but i have to do this to live- this is not the case for everyone but it is for me.

now, if you made it this far i want to tell you some warning signs that i was seriously ill that i ignored for months.

1. i noticed random parts of the skin my body getting darker, specifically beneath and between my breasts and behind my neck. this is a sign of diabetes. i also noticed my skin would tear very easily, specifically my hands.

2. i had to pee all the time. like. literally every 15-20 minutes. at one point i was getting up to pee about 7 times a night. and when i did it smelled like liquid cane sugar. this was my first "oh shit" moment.

3. this is taboo to talk about but i suspected i was diabetic when i suddenly got a really severe yeast infection.

4. my skin was breaking out like it never had. i also had light colored stools.

5. oddly dizzy and feeling weird. down the list bc everyone knows this one.

6. lastly. pain in my upper right stomach, under the ribs. if you feel pain here and are either diabetic or prediabetic, ask your doctor to check your liver enzymes and if you cannot see a doctor consider making changes to your life style within your personal capacity.

anyway, thank you for helping me and if you read this thank youuu for that as well and i hope it's somewhat helpful to someone out there 🫶🏻

[ellecdc]

every single remus version you have written so far is about to catch these hands cause wtf.

I MEAN COME ON JUST FUCKING BE HAPPY ITS NOT THAT HARD??

anyways loved the new chap and i love rem being a stupid fucken doofus AND SIRIUS PUTTING HIM IN HIS PLACE YES BABY

also i feel as though amelia is gonna be a big fucking problem for my whim baby. i swear if she hurts her im going to riot. pitch forks and torches.

i want more sirius putting people in their places (shit is hot 🤭🤭) hoping it’s amelia next🫣

(i do feel a little bad though, it’s either she’s going to be a problem or she’s going to be extremely hurt AND I DONT LIKE SEEING GIRLS HURT NO NO)

anyways i think the reason why your stories work so well is because you mesh ALL the characters into the story, it’s never just r and said character ITS A WHOLE PRODUCTION AND A HALF👏👏

ohhh i can’t wait for the angst between james, sirius, and rem and then heart wrenching angst between rem and my whimsical baby😮‍💨😮‍💨

(also a little note i saw u post abt the drink snob: if you are willing to finish the story (which is fully up to you, no one can force you to do anything) i think you can start it off with r finally starting work in the restaurant! i think the interview process with rem’s parents would be so cute, while she learns stuff abt him cuz his mom is adorable and won’t stop talking abt her kids (all of them) maybe she gets a little peak -fully accidental- abt what it is rem and the little gang is actually doing. just a few ideas for you lovely, it’s all up to you and what you feel comfortable in doing! 🫶💗)

YES YES YES THERE YOU ARE - everytime I post a new chapter/piece I literally sit at the computer like:

….waiting to see what frostooo has to say 💃🏻

I know rem is such a dumb dumb it was getting hard to write cuz he was pissing me off so much (even tho it’s my own damn fault??)

I was like, okay, someone’s gotta humble this man, and who better than my fellow November Scorpio??????

I think someone needs to look at Amelia and be like “………babes…..why u letting this mans treat you like this????………….be better” like which friends of hers are letting her hopelessly pine over this dumpster fire of a man rn???? Bad friends, she needs new friends.

Also, I’m the kind of person who like, the thing I’m most proud of/what I brag about to people is my relationships. Like my relationship with my friends I’ve known since I was 4, being an aunt & godmama like these things are the coolest thing about me so I wouldn’t be who I am without my friends AND THATS HOW OUR BABIES ARE?!?!? Sirius is who he is cuz of his friends, and James, and Remus etc etc - they are integral to the story because they’re integral to the characters!!!

I’m going to mood board about drink snob - usually I have an idea of how I want a story to end before I write it (I knew the ending of CBBH and of AMWAP before I knew what happened in the middle), so it feels weird to write without a plan. (Omg, a plan, I sound like Remus)

Okay bye love you drink lots of water today 🫶

[saraannsworld]

For my whole life I have moved furniture. Every time something felt off I would re-arrange my room, my apartment and then my house. Sometimes it would be once a month, sometime multiple times in a week. People would joke with me about it. say things like “ oh no Sara is moving it around again” in a joking tone. I hated it. I knew why I did it. I did it because something felt wrong. I hoped that moving everything around would make my space feel better, but that never worked.

I have been doing this my whole life and for the first time. Being 40 in a few months. I finally see there is no pint in moving around my furniture. I am finally tired. I am ready to rest, to heal. To move into the person I am, not the person I wished I would be. I have been trying to be this image of what I think people want me to be, and not what I am. Stepping into those shoes came into my life in a really hard way, but I think the only way it would have happened.

We had been sitting on my neighbors front porch as we did so often. About the time the alcohol took over our body’s is when we started talking about me, jobs and possibilities. All I know is that I had had enough of trying to be. What I thought my family expected of me, tired of holding feelings in that it all came out. The last thing I remember being said was me yelling at my Mom that she never supported me and her yelling back how had she not supported me. It all ended with my son coming out and yelling “Stop, just stop”

I have not drank anything since then, I know I have to deal with my emotions and, experiences before I can drink again. Or maybe I never will again. What I do know is that one word can change everything. One word can have a different meaning to everyone in the same room. In this moment to my son “support” was me and his grandmother not fighting. To me it was feeling “supported” emotionally and, not feeling ecnored in my experience and what I wanted to do next. To my Mom it was that she had supported me with money and a place to live. She had been there for me as much as she could. Listened and supported.

In this moment I could see that I was really yelling at myself. I needed to support myself. Acknowledge my feelings and my experience. Step into my experience. Give it the room to breathe, and grow as much as possible. I needed to live my truth, walk away from these images I have created. My Mom had just been doing what she felt was the way she could be there for me. My son just wanted everyone to get along. Not argue and the trauma of this moment stop. The reality I excepted in this moment, is that the only way for anyone in my family to understand what I had been through was for them to have the same horrible things happen to them. I would never wish that on anyone. So I excepted that I will never be fully understood by my family. Since then I have done a lot of morning for my past self and past believes.

The truth that I had known for years, had been trying so hard to accept. That I was not becoming that person I was going to become that freshman year in high school. My high school years did things to me that no one understood. No one knew about, if they did they were brought into my lie of nothing happening. I stayed in that body, that place until I finally could not hold onto it any longer. I was able to heal some of my trauma while being in that space. I had never truly let go of it until now.

Now I am living with me. A woman who has been through trauma after trauma. A person who has not just survived but who is now flourishing. A woman who is raising a son on her own, that knows it is ok to except family support. A woman who understands life, emotions and healing in more ways then ever imagined. I woman who is going to change peoples life by helping them be seen through her art, her writing, her talking of the trauma experience. A person who will show them you can acknowledge the good, the bad, the ugly to see the strength and beauty in your life, your experience.

For so long I have this feeling of there is so much more for me out there. I am suppose to be doing so much more, reaching out into the world so much more. So that is starting here. Here at my desk, in my blogs, in my art, in my breath, in every step I take into my true self.

I now can feel the true me coming out. My furniture has not moved for months. My heart is finally finding feeling at home.

[rolloollor]

Thoughts about Dyed Dark as Night

Spoilers for the last chapter of the fic, naturally.

First thing I'm sure most people are wondering about is, you know, where do Malleus and Rollo go? There are a few possibilities I like. Something about them going to some middle of nowhere wilderness, maybe in the Sunset Savannah since Sebek's grandpa lived there, and using only their dragon forms appeals to me... but I also think Rollo would probably reject that idea unless there was no other choice

Kinda my favorite option, though it might not make a ton of sense, is them returning to the bell tower and living there, almost... haunting it. NBC would no longer be an arcane academy, but if society doesn't collapse I don't see why it couldn't become a normal school. Or maybe a monastery? Then the students could spread rumors about the "demons" or (to Malleus' potential delight) the ~gargoyles~ that they sometimes catch gazing down at them from the tower.

Or... maybe NBC is abandoned. Then they live there undisturbed while taking care of the bell.

In the end, though, at minimum they have to find a place that isn't populated and eke out a living somehow. I'm sure Rollo could grow food and with practice maybe they both could hunt if necessary. If they lived in Noble Bell, I think they might feed off the kitchens. With their magic gone, they can't use glimmers, but I don't think Rollo would be above cutting his horns off and wearing sunglasses to walk among humans.

Though there's the question of what happens to dragon fae without magic. Do they stay in people form? Do they revert to their dragon form, which might be the more 'natural' way? If they're stuck as dragons, then Fleur City is out.

Next thing is: who won the most? It's definitely Malleus, he got centuries of living the good life with his draconic fae Rollo wife. Rollo did get rid of magic though, so Jehan (hundreds of years dead) can finally rest in peace... right?

I think by the end, Malleus is so intensely dependent on Rollo that he can do anything and Malleus would still rationalize it away. He went insanely far for him when, really, he hadn't known Rollo that long, so naturally the scale would only get more severe over time. The thought of Rollo not being with him is somehow worse than magic leaving the world. Sure, Rollo brought Briar Valley to its knees and possibly ended up killing thousands of fae (or more) who had no idea how to fend for themselves without magic, but... well, there's nothing to do about it now. What point could there be in living in a ruined world without Rollo?

If even Rollo is like, "Wait a second, what am I gonna do without Malleus?" then for Malleus it's gotta be 100x worse.

I strongly considered having those draconic instincts fully seep into Rollo and change his personality. Like one day he'd be in the greenhouse and go, "What am I doing?" Then he'd destroy all of his efforts and act as a dutiful mate to Malleus. I think this is the scariest outcome for Rollo, since Malleus would have reshaped him body, mind, and maybe even soul. Ugh! Horrifying. It was very tempting... but I felt like Malleus would've won too hard. Unacceptable. So, now Malleus is responsible for not only the end of the Draconia dynasty, but the end of his country and magic itself. Nice! I'm sure mom and grandma would be very proud.

Another question people might be wondering about. Will they have kids? I'm guessing probably not. Seems cruel to have a child and thrust them into their situation. Imagine if word got out that the child of the man who eradicated magic was wandering around...

That's all I can come up with for now. If anyone has any questions, I'd be happy to answer them.

[fallingsunflower]

Thanks love ♡ :) Would you mind just clarifying the question? Are you asking my thoughts on Harry and how his team molds him? Or something different? Just want to make sure I answer correctly! /// Yeah! asking about what do you think his team's weaknesses are and what do you think would be better thing for you to see come out of Harry and the way he is looked at by the media? I just want your thoughts on Harry and his team and maybe other people could answer too? Thank you again!

no problem, happy to answer :)

I suspect Jeff’s had his eye on Harry for a loooong time since the 1D days, which seems plausible because they’ve been friends for a while. I suspect Jeff whispered in his ear how great a solo career would be, hence a slight shift I picked up on during 1D. I blame Harry entirely for why 1D split up (I’m not angry about it - just my opinion). I think at the time he was young and impressionable and placed all his trust in other people beside himself, which is something I think he struggles with till this day. He reminds me as someone who knows what he wants and is confident up until a point before feeling the need to ask for permission (generally speaking). I think he deals with some attachment issues, plus a sprinkle of anxiety and depression. I worry it might worsen if he doesn’t slow down because he doesn’t seem to have many friends, or rather close friends, that he doesn’t work with and the people he DOES work with seem somewhat fame hungry. I think they care about Harry but not in the way he needs, but of course I could be wrong. Like for example Jeff strikes me at the type to run over right away if Harry falls down to make sure he’s okay, but then say “don’t you want to get back up?” which passive aggressively inserts his own opinion into Harry’s and kind of twists him into believing Jeff’s wants are his own. Does that make sense? It’s just a vibe I get based off of a couple interactions I’ve seen. I think Harry’s team is pushy and manipulative but they don’t realize it fully, and Harry is easily moldeable and also doesn’t entirely realize he might be taken advantage of (although I could also suspect he realizes something is wrong but doesn’t know exactly what). All he’s known is Simon Cowell and Jeffrey Azoff. Jeff prob seemed like God above coming to save him from 1D and now he can’t leave him - aka the attachment issues I mentioned earlier (again my opinion) and Jeff knows it. And I think the other members of Harry’s team are piggybacking and riding the fame train. Harry Styles has become a brand but personally, I’d rather know Harry the person.

In my dream world, and this is going to be controversial, I would love to see Harry open up a little more. Maybe make his Instagram more personal. Post for his mom’s birthday. Talk about how grateful he is for his fans. Share what he’s doing every once in a while. Share some of his feelings about love and places he likes, maybe his favorite recipe or book. I’d also want to see him openly support other artists/people just because and not when it’s convenient for him. I also think he should better communicate with his fans. I think the relationship between him and his fans has turned into a relationship between God and her followers, which it shouldn’t be. It seems unhealthy and I fully believe if he set boundaries and talked about it, we would see a major shift in a positive way. I would also like to see him promote his OWN things, such as Pleasing, Gucci HaHaHa, his own songs or movies. It all comes across as such an impersonal money thing sometimes and it’s such a turn off for me personally.

I think that ^^ it partially Harry’s decision from not wanting to be on social media that often which is fair, but I also think his team is egging it on. Keeps him “mysterious” and a blank canvas so his fans can idolize him and he can appeal to a larger percentage of people. Pick a category and you can almost always put him in that box if you look at it from that perspective.

Idk if this fully answers the question. Harry’s teams weaknesses, imo, are sprinkled into my response. I just think they want to be big and famous and everything else isn’t as important.

Happy to talk more about it :)

Also just to stress again, this is just my opinion. I can already sense the angry asks lmao

[libbee]

Thank you again for taking the time out to respond to my question about Maladaptive Daydreaming! I’ve been doing it since I was around 6, I can remember being in the car with my mom and looking out the window daydreaming. Or even when I started school, I would daydream on the school bus while listening to music. Making up all sorts of scenarios to entertain myself with. I feel like I use it to escape my present surroundings or to pass the time by? I always find myself doing it when I’m bored or unstimulated.

Part of me also thinks it could have something to do with the fact that I’m the only girl, I have two older brothers and as a kid I felt lonely a lot like I didn’t have anyone to play with so I would daydream. It felt good. Drifting off mentally to another place where I get to choose the outcome, the narrative.

I mostly daydream about being the main character. Like I’m always at the center of attention and I’m daydreaming about ppl showering me with attention or compliments. I worry too much about what ppl think of me. It causes anxiety a lot of times. I’m trying to teach myself to stop wondering about what ppl think but it’s so hard. I grew up a people pleaser as I’m sure you can relate us 7h suns! And then other times I’m daydreaming about my fantasies like being married and having kids, my career, going out with friends, fun events. Things I really want to happen.

I have a 8h Pisces mars (I do consider myself intuitive and I feel like God sends me premonitions through my dreams! I’ll dream of something and a few days later it’ll happen in real life!) but other than that I don’t have much water in my chart. I’m a 6h Capricorn moon and a Leo rising! I don’t have any planets in my 12h but there’s Cancer there and then my Leo north node not sure if that matters.

Fantasies are creativity

Somethings stand out to me because I have done them too and a lot of people with similar placements can relate to these feelings. Being important, center of attention, somehow knowing the inner thoughts of people about me, only wanting to be known for good things and accomplishments, having fantasies of grandiose success/perfect partner who loves me a lot/wanting to be everything to everyone and befriend everyone in the world. On the surface, these may look like narcissistic tendencies, but on deeper exploration, we find that it is our psyche that has not adapted to society yet. Yes you do live in the physical world but also not? Because you are living a life which is both physical and imaginary. Dr. Carl Jung has talked about the importance of fantasy as the source of human creativity. Do you see how the kind of fantasies we have are also the same as portrayed by Hollywood movies, aren't they similar? But we are not movie directors and daydreaming is distracting us from living a life.

How is your ego?

At the same time, in real life, you may be someone who is easily hurt by words and criticism, perhaps you are also sensitive to emotions of people and can intuitively tell their intentions by way of feelings (8h Mars). Are you also envious of those who have it better than you? Somewhere in some place, perhaps because of sun 7h or otherwise, the ego is not fully formed. It identifies with the main character in fantasies, maybe you also identify with people in TV show and movies. If my guess is right, MDD is rooted in having low confidence, weak identity and undeveloped ego. Maybe lacking a certain self knowledge too. By MDD, do you mean that you also walk in spaces, along with physical movements and expressions, really engrossed in the daydream like it is an alternate reality which feels very real to you - and you are confused why real people do not behave like they do in your daydreams? Certainly, people in MDD are much more nicer, calmer, loving and kind than in real life.

Long term solution

In short term, there are things that people suggest like mindfulness, being grounded, writing it out that helps them. But it did not help me. I really psychoanalyzed myself and each emotion, it felt like opening a portal to the psyche that changed the way I look at life. This was my path; if it feels like something you can connect with then perhaps reading about deep psychology, metaphysics, how reality is structured will transform your life. Though I have also read in these communities that some people learn to live with their MDD because it adds value to their life, some use it for creative writing, some stop daydreaming suddenly for no reason, while some keep struggling forever.

[i-swear-my-name-isnt-raz]

I am so fucking tired of being mistreated and walked over. In order to be walked upon, you must be lying down. and I'm done lying down.

I am only starting to speak up about these kinds of grievances of mine in recent years because they have brought so much pain for the last 15 years. I have had former classmates tell me I didn't face racism growing up, or that I dealt with bullying. I have had others tell me I have nothing to fear on campus. A tall, white, straight man telling me, a queer jewish asian, that I shouldn't be at the very least worried is rich. I have traveled to more than 25 countries and to all four hemispheres, I think I can talk about where and where I don't feel safe. And right now I have felt safer walking through Istanbul at night than walking around my own city. And this is fully due to the rise in antisemitism. and the lack of support from goyim I have seen for the women who were raped and assaulted on 10/7.

I don't talk about being sexually assaulted and harassed for 6 years by one of my classmates because I have a friend who tells me people should have been nicer to my assaulter. This person also follows my main account, which is part of the reason I created this side blog. I don't want people who know me to see these posts. It's easier talking about deep trauma in front of strangers than people I have known for 16 years.

I am terrified that I will run into him one day. I cry about it at night. I hope that 10 plus years has changed my physical appearance enough to go unnoticed. I think one of the scariest realizations was that he still remembered me in high school, because one of his classmates went to my dojo. And she told me I was still on his list. It terrifies me that I could still be on his mind. I have blocked his family members on social media, because his grandmother and my mom are Facebook friends. Which means he could know what I look like now.

I never express this fear out loud because people around me see me as a strong person, which then makes it hard for me to break down around them. I am the strong person my friends go to for support, but I feel like I would crush them under the weigh of my problems. I mention it in passing sometimes, but I never get into the details. because it scares me to vocalize it.

I have trained in karate and Brazilian Jiu jitsu for 10 years. It took me two years before I was comfortable rolling (bjj version of sparring and training) with male students in full uniform. It took until my 7th year training to be comfortable wearing leggings and rash guard to class. I would wear gi pants and a rash guard, because the thought of men touching my legs with their hands makes my skin crawl. But once the pandemic came around, it was no longer practical to wear gi pants and cheaper to wear leggings. And even though I am one of the highest ranked women at my dojo, I still don't feel comfortable in male dominated classes, especially when I am wearing just leggings and a rash guard. In karate, it took me a few years before I was comfortable wearing just my bra under my gi. because I was worried how it appeared to men on the floor.

I have never been super comfortable wearing revealing clothing, but I have been slowly reclaiming those clothes. And I am slowly trying to overcome this trauma. I spent a good amount of time this summer not wearing a shirt because it was so fucking hot in Portugal (and I only brought seven shirts with me: 3 work shirts, 3 day trip shirts, 1 sleeping shirt). And for the first two weeks, I was living with three men and two women. It scared me at first, but I decided that if I am used to changing around women, and wearing skin tight clothing while grappling, I could wear my bra and biking shorts in my own living space. So I did. and it felt great.

I will keep talking about these events, partially because it makes me less afraid and partially because every time I tell a story, the easier it gets. Maybe one day I will be able to say some of the things in this post out loud. for now I will keep taking small steps

[andonutty]

ok get ready for SPAM for the character meme thing : first one up? the beloved, the amazing, the most blorbo to ever blorbo ... randy sealman 🥺

send me a character and i'll list...

i'm going to be slowly working through all of these so @ anyone who wants feel free to send more of them! i'm never not accepting these. though if like 5 years down the line you send me the name of a character i'll probably be confused i'm not going to lie

favorite thing about them

EVERYHTINGGNGNG!??!?!?! though i think maybe my FAVOURITE thing about him is how sensitive and sad he is. like yeah sure he's got his "don't even fuckin' start" and "take that shit off" lines but his longest scene has him being so sad and emotional and sensitive?? and then we get the moment where he's like FULLY ass out for this girl he does NOT know?? UGH randy sealman you are the most mentally ill man to ever exist

least favorite thing about them

the fact that he has inconsistent crazy lore and also that he dies and that 0 people care

favorite line

"borden's dead. someone executed him." it is just SUCH a pookie line and he is SOOOOO?!?!?!???!?! so cute for this. obviously i love all his lines but this one is so PARTICULARLY pookie.

brOTP

randy and the bordens for sure. i think their dynamic is so tragically unexplored. like putting aside the fact that i ship randy and william HARD like ... they just seem like such a fun trio? i just think they are so cute and tragic. it's about randy really thinking these two are his BEST friends, meanwhile they both resent him so much after a while. it's just sad!!

OTP

OBVIOUSLY randy/tyler DUHHH. they are so cute and perfect for each other and they fuel me daily. there's something about hole from a man who is so impossibly sad. also im completely enamoured with our lore for them. but inside the actual source material, i would absolutely say randy/william. it's about william's little spat "you're an emPLOYee!" like oh girl you are projecting. you're having a little gayboy moment. honestly josh and daniel killed this movie they put their entire pussy into it and they're the best parts of it so even if their dynamic weren't so compelling i'd absolutely adore them as a couple simply because their characters are so good

nOTP

randy x duolingo girl. also randy x like hugo?? whatever the fuck his name is? creepy ass dude??? basically randy x any rancid character

random headcanon

i think randy really loves the water. this is sort of pulled from josh taylor and stuff about his roles and his insta and stuff, but i think it really fits for randy for him to love the water and swimming and stuff. it also adds a lot to his and maryanne's relationship

unpopular opinion

i love randy sealman and he deserves to live

song i associate with them

obviously deep in the night jay frog remix but i also want to personally shout out not allowed by tv girl and also nocturne by sufferer. i can't listen to deep in the night while writing him so i often listen to a feeling of power from the heavy rain soundtrack instead. i think when i write him i'm usually listening to nocturne though because tv girl, while a bop and super fun to jam to, it's harder to write to imo

favorite picture of them

i think my ultimate favourite picture has to be pool sex but i am also sharing when randy is like REHAB?? and also when he hugs his mommy in the saddest scene known to cinema. imagine your mom holds your face and is like you need help randy and you look so incredibly sad and then you hug her and start crying and say "i'm sorry" like EUGHFHGD. also his ass out picture is a huge fav and it's under the cut

this man was really waiting for this girl to come back from the bathroom and peg him. INSANE.

also not them being SO disrespectful on his cringe fail suspect board and having so many picture of his naked bloodied self. like GIVE HIM SOME DIGNITY