#people like that exist irl and i don't find them sexually attractive

[moximum]

watching someone on the unfuckable tony soprano post retract an @ to me because they realized violence toward women you were formerly sleeping with when you're in the power isn't sexy even if you had Patsy threaten them instead. A real smashable person breaks up with me to my face and doesn't use threats violence to go no contact with me.

[umeji-writes]

I would like to talk about the Music Festival arc - aka my favorite Mairuma arc until now. I love them all tbh, this is just very close to my heart for several reasons. [cw: non-suggestive discussion of s*x; if you are a s*x-repulsed asexual person you are very much welcome to interact, but this may not be the post for you, take care and proceed with caution ♡ edit: I'm uncensoring the words from here onwards thanks to a kind anon's suggestion] To make it short, I love that the main theme of this arc is pleasure, and the desire for it. Honestly, it's very horny - but not in a slimy or creepy way, which is sadly quite rare in my experience. The appreciation for pleasure coming from love (also platonic love) is there in several layers. First, the plot itself, as Lilith cries out her desire to find "a love that burns like fire". She is not satisfied by most pretenders, and especially this frame spoke to me:

Because... Well... It's so true. I am an adult, and I had my share of sexual partners. The expressions people make irl are not always aesthetically pleasing, but who cares! We are told to strive to be always attractive, but in those moments of intimacy it's really not important, not as much as being fully present and enjoying the moment! Then, can we talk about Kalego please?

I mean, Nishi here went all out and didn't even try to hide her fascination for ...discipline:

(and to be fully clear: I am NOT implying there is sexual tension between Kalego and his students, I am only referring to him!!!) When I saw the whip I couldn't believe my eyes. Of course in that context it's not used that way, but it's very much recognizable as an adult tool... But more on this later. Finally, I really like that the Misfits are growing up and finding out new things about themselves. They are characterized as high school students (even if we don't know how old they actually are), which is when humans tend to have their first experiences and explore their sexualities. They are building together this beautiful show full of emotions and desire, and honestly performing with other people is really an amazing feeling (I am a former musician and theater actor - let me tell you, every performance was fire). Look at their faces: from here...

...to here.

They are shocked, but happy! And definitely feeling ...feelings. And here is my main takeaway: I am really, really sad that sex is a taboo topic in our society, and when there's something about sex, it's mostly treated in a very bad way. This includes sex scenes in generic-audience movies, which I tend to dislike... I hate that sex is handled like a dirty and secret thing. I hate that sex is mostly treated as something that has to do with power imbalance and taking advantage of someone else, usually men that "want to do stuff TO" women (nonbinary individuals like myself not found) - and too often not in a hot and consensual way. I hate that social media are becoming more and more sex-hostile, because investors fear these topics, and use children as a shield to justify limiting contents for adults as well. I hate that sexual education is mainly reserved for talking about pregnancies and, if the students are lucky, prevention of STDs. Solo or reciprocal pleasure? Consent? Treating it as a normal part of life for many people (and not ALL, again, asexual people exist)??? Naaaah, why do that, when you can make people feel shame and embarassment and perpetuate trauma. Again, I am a grown-up now, and while this is legal and everything, I was conditioned to feel some level of shame nonetheless when talking about it irl (which I am working on). The whip I was writing about before (and the kneeling scene afterward)? It was a revolution in my brain. "So... That's a thing we can do...?"

(like that) I plan on doing some adult drawings in the future, but there's a part of me that resists the idea, because adult entertainment usually involves some level of dehumanization... But you know what? I want to take it back and make it about pleasure and enjoyment as it should be. Tbh, I could write a whole essay on the causes for all of the above and how they interact (patriarchy, capitalism, religions as power institutions, etc.), but this is not the place. So I'll just say that I am really, really grateful to Nishi for including this arc in a manga for a young audience, as those are important years to build a healthy relationship with pleasure and one's own body. And as Sullivan said...

I'm very much convinced that Nishi is doing a great job at sending messages for inclusion and social equality in M!IK, taking the role of educator herself. (Other reasons why I love the Music Festival arc are: Soi's story, Clara and Azz becoming closer, Iruma learning the piano, the appreciation of music itself, the immaculate art and more, but that's for another post!!!)

[our-aroace-experience]

I am perhaps the most confusing aroace to exist, 1st because I've become high libido since I started transitioning, but I am still extremely averse to others' approaches, romantically or sexually. Also, I am aego, and don't mind enjoying erotica of all sorts on my own, but I absolutely loathe being caught up on others' conversations about sexual topics, and feel very uncomfortable when people push me or fool me into talking about sexual topics with them (like with double entendres, which I am very slow to pick up on). Also, I am very averse to romantic things, finding it annoying and sickening how much romance is a common thing around me, getting irritated at PDA from others, and absolutely loathing when people try to drag me into convos about love or whatnot, both because I don't care and I don't want to care about it. But I still get attached, in some way or another, to others in a way that is similar to romantic but I still don't want any of that icky lovey-dovey stuff. Also I have actually experienced actual sexual attraction very few times in my life, to people I've never met IRL, and I'd never even approach anyways because I respect strangers' privacy (different from the sorts that come onto me). When I try to explain this to people just gets them raising all eyebrows and even wondering if I've got something wrong in my head, and even I think at times I've got something wrong, because like, a paragraph to explain my experience feels excessive and complicated and dumb, like I'm overcomplicating things or whatnot, and I've gotten called all sorts of things, from cold and uncaring, to supposedly "obviously just deeply depressed", to judgemental and even "religiously repressed" (I am not religious and couldn't care less about Christianism or the existence of God). It's annoying, and I tend to just not talk about it and try to avoid it all together, and ditch people who push me on those topics, because I hate having to explain myself this much.

i’m sorry you have to explain so much, you’re still valid!

[dukeofankh]

The idea that men having unrealistic beauty standards for women comes from them watching pornography has always struck me as like, laughably and obviously wrong. That's...where I honestly saw the most representation and celebration of "unconventional" beauty? And not in a "everyone is beautiful" positivity post way, with raw, unfiltered, honest hunger for things men are assumed to find repulsive. When I met women with saggy breasts irl I wasn't like "oh no! What's wrong with them? They're not supposed to be affected by gravity..." I was like, "Oh dope, these are some of my favourite kinds of tits".

Some people can get into bubbles, sure. But it's not a porn issue. You honestly don't have to look that far. There is a media industry built entirely off of dangerously dishonest representations of women's bodies... it's just the regular fucking film industry.

Let's say I wanna see a legit, actual fat woman being the centre of attention, and being portrayed as devastatingly attractive. Please, by all means, what Hollywood films should I watch? You might come up with a few examples, maybe. But I listen when my fat friends talk, I know how shit rep is for fat women. Can I go to the theatre and be more confident than a coin flip's chance that the movie I see will even acknowledge or portray the existence of fat women? Because I can find thousands of examples of that in porn in seconds. It's an entire fucking genre. The dudes that you presume have a monolithic and universal hatred of rolls of fat have a pretty sizeable wing that will honestly get fucking apoplectic in the comments if someone is described as fat who's merely chubby.

Can you honestly, with a straight fucking face, tell me that I can go to the theatre right now, pick a random movie, and be at all likely to see a movie with a woman with even one (1) hair on her body below her eyebrows? There is plenty of porn with totally hairless women, some of which is super fuckin gross about it, sure. But like, doesn't matter how "gritty and realistic" a movie is, I'm more likely to see a corpse than an armpit hair in a movie theatre. By comparison, there are legit mainstream porn performers who do regular, mainstream scenes with a bush, hairy armpits, all of it. It's not uncommon. It's not hard to find. And it's...the point? It's hot? It's not just fine, it's not there to demonstrate how artistic the movie is being, it's hot.

There is definitely tons of porn built around showing the most conventionally attractive women possible, but proportionally, compared to mainstream films, porn has way more varied body representation. You take two guys, lock them in a room, and show one nothing but Hollywood movies and the other nothing but porn, one of those guys would react with surprise/horror when presented with an average naked woman, and it's not the one who's been watching porn. Like, porn is about wanting to fuck people. Wanting to fuck all sorts of people. In order to do that, you kinda have to...show all sorts of people? If you want to make porn about, "Hey, what if you could have sex with that fat mom" or "what if your sisters chubby goth friend wanted to sit her totally untrimmed bush right on your face," a porn studio is just gonna...get someone who fits that body type. They're not gonna rewrite her as someone thin or put her in a fatsuit. And there's sizeable genres built entirely around body types that are basically banned from existing as anything more than a joke or a tragedy in mainstream film.

Where does that leave us? Do you have to love porn now? Include it in your next moodboard about positive representation? No. I understand why that level of sexualization and fetishization isn't actually comfortable for plenty of people. I'm not trying to convince you that it's good.

I'm trying to tell you that even if you have really negative feelings about gross dudes or the porn industry in general, our fucked up beauty standards for women have so much more to do with mainstream cinema than they ever have, or ever will have, to do with porn.

[ofironandivory]

Rent lowering shots since my anon asks are off and I've been getting new followers:

I'm a selfshipper, I self insert into the shows and kiss those fictional characters, that's like 95% of my sexuality and romantic attraction.

I'm non-sharing with some of those characters, nothing against you as a person but it fucks with my attachment because of BPD and RSD, as well as OLD, which isn't an official diagnosis but applies to my romantic feelings both irl and towards fictional characters

I'm 100% proship and profiction, everything has a right to exist within the realm of fiction, so long as it's not harming real people (i.e.: CSAM of actors/actresses)

I'm a loli/sho/kodocon! Some of the characters I selfship with are underage or have appearances that you may find "childish". Their age doesn't matter to me, I see and treat them exactly the same as my adult F/Os, including having them have way more power over me than the other way around

I am happily taken and I love my wife more than myself and everything in the world, she's the only real human being I've ever been genuinely attracted to and I don't plan on separating from her anytime soon. Do not flirt with me. I don't care if it's just a joke, it makes me uncomfortable and genuinely disgusted.

Don't involve me in discourse that doesn't affect me. I'm a singlet so I have no business dictating which plural experiences are or aren't valid and I refuse to touch the radqueer/PRAT discourse with a mile long pole

I am a CSA, COCSA, CSAM and incest survivor and because of that I am not comfortable with MAPs/pedophiles interacting with me in any way shape or form. I don't care which stance on contact or consent you have, this blog is not a space for you and I WILL speak ill of the kind that hurt and traumatized me as I wish

[tithe2hell]

thoughts (aroace fujoshism, sexuality of "play" vs "real" idk idk)

Fujoism is a really funny experience...I don't sexually get off to men and I don't find it attractive in the arousal sense and yet I find gay sex really aesthetically calming and fun... I feel like the way I articulate my fujoisms feels often like the way very chill straight men talk about their no homo aesthetic appreciation of guys and homoeroticism, as like an intriguing concept, perhaps on some level "locked out" of experiencing it in the "real" internal inherent appreciative way but still feeling impressed somehow.

I don't really feel a mournfulness or fomo-leading-to-self-actualization the way say, some of the usual timeline of like the fujos who turn out to be gay transmasc are, since I don't rly care to be a participant. And ig i feel different than the lesbian fujos since I don't feel the men are stand-ins for women or a general queer attraction necessarily. I think for me a lot of it is the pleasure of feeling "Outside" or other (the fujo cuck chair, as one expresses). Idk I think sex is fun and interesting as a subject and expression of characters and their desires, not *despite* not wanting it but maybe specifically *because* of not understanding or connecting to it.

Thinking about this because of a minor personal conflict earlier with a former friend which was sad and frustrating to me bc it was like they could not believe or understand that I, or other aroaces for that matter, could have interest in making art or consuming art about sexual subjects and being invested in such works emotionally without it being idk a symptom of being in a state of unhealthy sexual repression.

I think this made me really self conscious for a long while and also sad. Because of acephobia lol but also in a more vain sense, about my skills. Either one can be good at making sexually themed art, and that means you must be secretly Really Full of 'real' desires you're using art as a cheap substitute to idk avoid Living Your True Life. Or I'm just idk a freak who doesn't understand will never understand and any attempts at making art about this subject for which I am an outsider will look ridiculous, shallow, and insulting to the Real Sexuality Experiencers. And why should I even bother, huh!

The thing is I think for a lot of my experiences, both irl and artistic, I think a lot of it feels kind of...if not fake, like some sort of external performance more than internal since I don't have that internal desire drive I guess. I draw gay sex, I don't experience it, but I enjoy the concept about it. I kissed my lesbian friends and shared beds and space and showers w them and felt nothing inherently desirous about it in my body but I value the experience and intimate trust as something meaningful and fun. I've never had sex and don't particularly want to but I feel that if I ever did it would be a similar feeling of outsider-play, an appreciation from the outside of experience but nothing inherently bodily meaningful the way it is for other people. I guess this is where kink comes in for some but I don't think about it in terms of kink necessarily.

anyways just some thoughts. I feel my relationship to sexuality TLDR is just that to me it all feels fake and unreal but in a playful way, I don't mean to deny other ppl the way it is Real and Weighty and Impactful to their lives. I think this may be part of the reason why some dudes get pissed off at Fujos for the "fetishization" it's bc they're maybe doing the weight vs lightness thing....a sexual orientation and life identity is Serious Business vs the triviality of yaoi. Which I can respect, but also I think it ignores how the "triviality" of works is also not in itself identity, but Artistic Exploration, which by nature must have stylized playfulness to it that is not necessarily always attached to reality (although knowledge of reality always adds to art.) different goals exist then, to live vs. to create for its own sake. For many it overlaps but I do think they are different goals. And the frustration happens when ppl mix up the play-fake with the real, and that aspect I think goes both ways (the infamous anecdotes of the fujos harassing gay ppl like characters, but also of random dudes getting mad at someone posting an obviously fictional story or explicit sexual fantasy and being like "how could u fetishize MEEEEE" the boundaries being broken down in those instances)

[olderthannetfic]

https://www.tumblr.com/olderthannetfic/732112938662494209/its-always-been-kind-of-weird-to-me-that-incest

100% agree. I think the appeal of incest as a taboo in fiction is pretty obvious: people are attracted to the boundary-pushing, taboo nature of it, but they don't ACTUALLY want to fuck their relatives, they're still grossed out by that. but it's fun to watch someone else, someone fictional who is not their relative, transgress that particular taboo with someone else who is also not the reader's/viewer's relative (but is the character's relative). and by definition, there is an existing and likely complicated relationship between these characters that they can build on to create an interesting sexual/romantic relationship. the family relationship means the other person often knows and understands them intimately. there's often some degree of power imbalance. it just trips a lot of wires of things that people find exciting in romantic and smutty fiction.

it's also a particularly ridiculous thing to fixate on in terms of the supposed "real world" effects of reading idealized fiction about it. like, let's put aside the fact that we all know here that antis are wrong about what you get off to in fiction being what you're into irl, and the way they distort "representation matters" to mean that fiction always has a perfect 1:1 effect on how it influences people who consume it. for starters, incest is literally not something that an unrelated stranger can "groom you into," lol. because if they're not related to you it's not incest. and if they don't know anyone in your irl family... how would they be able to groom you that way? second, even if there were some potential that reading that would make you more interested in incestuous relationships more generally, that's only going to be a danger if there's someone else in your family who is already interested in and looking for opportunities to abuse that way.

(which, as a previous ask pointed out, is the only real "danger" of problematic fiction. yes, an abusive adult who wants to convince a teen that it's totally normal for them to have sex with that teen can probably use some fictional adult/teen romance they both like to make that seem more okay, but if they didn't have that they'd use something else. if they didn't have an adult/teen relationship, they'd use an age gap between adults - i've seen people use "well my parents were 10 years apart when they got married [as adults]" to excuse those kinds of relationships between adults and teenagers even though they're obviously different - and if they didn't have that, they'd find some other relationship that involved the characters having something in common with them. "age-gap relationships" are not inherently dangerous. abusers are dangerous, and abusers are opportunistic. shipping a certain dynamic does not make you an abuser. and honestly, probably the best people to put a stop to that are other people in that shipping community who can explain why enjoying this dynamic in fiction doesn't make it ok irl and how their feelings about the fictional vs. irl versions differ. but i digress)

honestly, i suspect that a lot of antis don't really understand what is the real "problem" with incest. they get overly fixated on blood quantum stuff, act like it's purely about the potential for birth defects and then project that same stuff on to couples where that isn't an issue (like same-sex couples, or distant cousins where the potential is significantly reduced). but the real issue is the potential for abuse. and most fictional incest either is an idealized version where that potential for abuse is not there OR if it's fucked-up, that is the POINT. no one was into shipping cersei/jaime in game of thrones because they were under the impression that the twins were NOT dangerously codependent. that was the appeal! it's the taboo of it all! it's that sometimes it's fun to watch people do things that they know are bad for them! it scratches the itch that makes you want to make bad choices yourself!

--

[theoldlesbianwithcats]

You are all forgetting one very important reason why some bi women call themselves lesbian: It's encouraged by a lot of influencers, organisations and publications to just call yourself whatever "feels right", even if it's factually wrong. And people irl hear these things and parrot them as well. As a teenager I read a lesbian magazine and looked it up again a decade later. They actively encourage "you can change your sexuality anytime, don't worry. Just do what feels good <3" shit now. A lot of "LGBTetc" influencers are on that train of thought as well. I had people irl tell me that I should just call myself a lesbian, since I never dated or want to date a man anyways and because I find the thought of sex with men disgusting. When I say that I am bi because I can be attracted to men and my dating preference/behaviour doesn't change that I get reactions ranging from "you know people can change" to "you are confused" over "don't take sexuality so seriously, it's just fun". And I am convinced the people who spew that shit irl heard it somewhere on the internet. I think it's mainly bi women spreading it but it's honestly become such a "common sense duh" thing in some spaces that it's spread by so many others as well. This is in no way meant to excuse that behaviour from bi girls and women who call themselves lesbian. In fact I think it's a special kind of stupid to not think for yourself in that regard and figure out who this is benefitting and who this is hurting. But it's such a simple reason that it often times gets thrown under the bus. But it has a lot of influence so yea

(Anon is reacting to this post)

You're right anon, thanks for the addition! "Sexuality is fluid so just say what you want" comes back so often in fakebians' justification to call themselves lesbians and encourages young/confused women to do that as well. I've seen women in my country publish books and podcasts on lesbianism and straight up say "I used to like men, now being a lesbian feels right, maybe I won't be a lesbian anymore tomorrow, I'M JUST AS VALID AS OTHER LESBIANS!!!", that's ridiculous!

That's yet another proof that those lesbophobic bi women think that actual female homosexuality doesn't exist, it can only be a phase that you try on for fun, to be rebellious, or to get over trauma.

[calypsotastic]

Some of my favourites and least favourite relationship tropes

Enemies To Lovers:

Even though I'll admit it's kinda overrated, It's one of my favorites. The (often sexual) tension between the two characters and how their detestation for each other develops into sweet caresses and cuddles always catch me off guard. This trope also can apply to many different type of media's and fiction which is why I love it so much.

Star-crossed Lover:

Probably the most underrated trope in my opinions. Even though most people indulge in romance for the fluff rather than the tragedy, The Star-crossed really indulges me by how it captivates the determination to defy logic and fate even if it inevitably fails and it leads to an interesting read

Right Person, Wrong Time:

Same at the previous one, but instead, they were always meant for each other yet couldn't due to special circumstances. I quite enjoy imagining how they could've been if that had more time and met eachother earlier or later throughout the story. Again, tragedy is too underrated and needs more appreciation.

Witch x Witch Hunter:

It's such a niche trope, yet I believe we need more of it and have some gay and saphics ones for once. Usually this trope follows an Enemies To Lovers storyline which I already consume once every 5 hours and add magic and tension between the two and you one fucking masterpiece, why is this trope so niche.

Supernatural Being X Supernatural Being:

One pet peeve I have with fantasy is that whenever there is a relationship there is always atleast one who is a basic ol human being. It frustrates me that it's never something like Elf x Tiefling or Dwarf x Changling or Kobold x Dragonborn or a fucking Lovecraftian squid and a biblically accurate angel , on of the individuals is always a human being.Humans are already fucking narcissist. I want to indulge in unconventional romance, romance which delves you in a fantasy vast away from our plane of our existence. I want to see beings who most perceive as vile and vicious being loving with eachother. For me the less humanoid it is, the more intriguing it is for me.

Last Minute Love Interest:

Don't you detest when you're reading about the intimate relationship between two characters, their woes, hopes and vulnerabilities revealed to eachother, the distance between them tightens closer and closer. THEN FOR FUCKING REASON ANOTHER CHARACTER WHO SUDDENLY BECOMES REVELANT SNATCHES ONE OF THE CHARACTERS AND YOU'RE LEFT FUCKING UNSATISFIED. I'm sorry but this is quite possibly the worst trope of all of literature and just a cheap gag that ruins the point of what I'm reading. If you want me to become invested in a relationship between two characters, you need to develop some time, and give each of them revelancy, NOT JUST SOME LAST MINUTE PLOT TWIST THAT DIMINISHES THE 300 PAGES AND HOURS OF MY MISERABLE LIFE. Half of the time the guy who shows up last second doesn't even look conventionally attractive at all.

Arranged Marriage:

Irl Arranged Marriages are one of the sickening things an individual meant to care for you can commit. I hate that this ship glorifies arranged marriages as 99% you're going to end up with some creepy ass middle man and you're viewed as an doll, incapable of autonomy and useful for economic or political gain rather than an individual who should get to love who they actually love.

The Brother's Bestfriend:

In actuality it's not that bad but I personally find it putrid, if you know anything about siblings, it's that them and their friends are viles and disgusting cretins, scruffling around the house like cockroaches, riddled with cheeto dust. There's also usually the weird age gap and don't you think it's awkward to date someone whose also simultaneously your sibling best friend and worse if they become your ex.

Possessive Boyfriends:

Now I'm not talking about the jealous boyfriend archetype or even the protective one but rather the ones who treat their signicant others as possession rather than individuals. I fucking hate the line "I own you" or "You're mine" because it signifies authority and superiority something I believe shouldn't be prevalent in a relationship. It's worse when the individual won't allow their SO to go out with friends or do their own things cause inevitably at the day its say it with me A B U S E.

[ozimagines]

feel free to ignore this if it makes you uncomfortable (completely understandable, cus tbh i'd feel uncomfortable if someone sent me this request) but...:

sch*ll*ng*r. i fucking hate that inbred degenerate nazi scumbag with every fiber of my being... but i have a terrible crush on jk simmons. and i just have a thing for asshole men who'd call me a slur in general.

so with that in mind... please. schillinger/reader content. pretty please. sfw or nsfw, i don't even care. i'm literally insane and i cannot keep this deplorable fantasy to myself any longer. help me

Okay, so there’s really not a short way for me to answer this. I want to say this before I say ANYTHING else; I am 100% not judging you. Like not at all. J.K. Simmons is hot as hell- I’m more of a Terrance Fletcher gal myself (and a little J. Jonah Jameson… I’d get him pictures of Spider-Man…😉)- but yeah I get it. Also I’ve been totally open on this page that I find James Robson to be attractive, despite him being one of the more (if not the most) vile characters on the show. R. E. Rodger’s makes me feel some type of way, I said it. And I don’t want to ignore it, because I think it’s important you know why I came to the conclusion that I did.

All that said, while I sympathize with finding vile characters attractive (Niragi, Lecter, Lestrange, DeLarge, Macbeth, the other Lecter, etc.) I also understand MY limitations as a writer. I’m white. I’m Italian American so I feel comfortable using those slurs, as I’ve had them thrown at me from time to time. I’m a feminist woman and use the word cunt every ten seconds because I like reclaiming that word… and binging lewd British comedies. I’m a severe bipolar schizoaffective so I use anti-mental health words that have been used at me, some by professionals. I’m gay (pan-sapphic) and I use faggot irl because I think it’s important to reclaim that word… but I’m a part of the community that’s reclaiming it. Other slurs I’ve used on this site to do Nazi characters, I’ve bleeped out mostly. I want to keep the realism, because this show depicts real, awful, abject life. But I’m white American, middle class raised even though I’m a poor young thing now. I’ve had advantages and privileges, I’m sure everyone here knows that. It’s not to say I haven’t had my struggles or that my life hasn’t gone down the shitter with all my severe mental health troubles but they don’t exist on a one to one ratio like that. I’m not sure I’M the right writer for this piece, because these aren’t my words to reclaim.

Also totally not kink shaming you. I like things in the bedroom that are a little alarming on paper, and have been fairly honest about that. I think as long as everyone is able to consent and does so, and people are respectful, it’s fun to experiment with taboo things, even consensual pseudo-consent play. There’s a great quote by Jhonen Vasquez, who wrote the comic Johnny the Homicidal Maniac. He said, “I avoid from going over the edge by writing a character that has taken a flying leap off it”. I feel the same. I don’t always write what should happen. I write what does. But there’s another quote I want to submit as evidence, and it’s from Neil Simon’s Biloxi Blues. He said “you have to be careful what you write down, because then people assume it to be true”. I’m hesitant to write these words down and romanticize/sexualize them. What I would hate more than anything is for a follower (or random internet user) who is a person of color to be reading this and understandably feel hurt or devalued or betrayed if they like my work. It’s not my intent to hurt anyone. Anyone. And I’ve written a lot of fanfics that dance on or go over the line. But I can’t romanticize or sexualize Schillinger, anymore than I post any of my self written Robson fics on my site. I know the damage they could do if people assume them to be true or my feelings about life.

All that said, I’m not ever gonna turn a request down flat. You took the time to ask. I’ll take the time to write. Only I’ll do it by my rules of comfortability. I do a lot of datings would include… except I made an exception for Cyril O’Reily. I did being friends with would include. I can’t see why I can’t make another exception for Schillinger with a being enemies with would include. Some Schillinger and reader content but not romanticized or sexualized where he’s still obviously the villain and I write in his voice so you can do what you want to with that… I can’t stop ya. Deal? (Sorry if you totally hate this I just wanted a compromise. There might be accounts by POC who would be willing to write it sexualized, but I don’t think that’s my place if that makes sense.)

Also deeply sorry it’s taken me this long to respond. I’ve been candid about my mental health stuff and my diagnoses and meds have been flip flopping back and forth so my body always feels like it’s just run a marathon. I’m still writing for this account I just have so much to deal with irl that I’ve fallen behind.

Being Enemies with Vern Schillinger Would Include…

He had only gotten one sentence out and you’d already gotten the ick

“Saw that n*gger was fucking with you, if you move into my pod-“

“Imma stop you right there.”

You’re not world hardened by any means, but you had the sense of a bird near a cobra’s nest… something was wrong

“Not that you don’t seem great, in a skinhead, boomer, 80s rapey kinda way… but hard pass on the odd couple roommate situation, mkay?”

You’re gonna be very sassy in this fic it’s been decided

He’s taken aback. It’s not like anyone’s not gotten mouthy before with him, it’s just he usually makes them pay

But you kinda went down the mountain lion make-yourself-big-and-loud road and he was a little stunned by it

His grimace appears and his eyes go hard

“Watch your mouth, Prag.”

“You’ve wildly underestimated which one of us is the bottom bitch here.” You shoot back, turning your back to him and walking away as if he wasn’t worth your time.

From that moment, Schillinger decides that you’re his enemy.

Like one does, you sort of team up with his enemies like Keller, Beecher, Said, and O’Reily. You do it less because you like them, and more just to fuck with Schillinger.

He’s seething after seeing you all together with his son in the Gym, eyes narrowing and scowl forming.

“Good to see ya, Vernie.” You taunt through the chain linked fence.

“Lotta balls hitting a man below the belt like that.” He answered, his voice dripping with venom.

“Balls of steel that ring when I walk.” You sing song.

“So it’s a dick measuring contest you want? Okay, tinkerbell, you’re on.”

You just smile. You love getting a rise out of him considering how much he’d got a rise out of everyone else

You sort of have a few “and everyone clapped” moments with the other prisoners cheering you on when they hear you breaking his balls.

You’re not scared of him, or if you were, you never let it show.

There was a sort of promenade, having an enemy. A dance in your every day life between you and him.

He takes shots at you whenever possible, consigning a jealous Robson

James has always hated you; you took up too much of his father figure’s time and mind for his liking.

Robson almost messed with you more than Schillinger because of this, always sort of yapping like a puppy looking for approval of the big dog.

You bitch slap him in front of Vern as much as possible.

“Hey Y/N” he calls, mouth already curling into a smirk. “Was wondering if you think Said and Bitcher would visit you in the hospital… y’know, after we have a little fun with you.”

You start making a bunch of swallowing and gagging noises. He sort of furrows his brow at you.

“Sorry,” you clarify “that was my imitation of you polishing Schillinger’s balls like the pathetic, approval seeking bitch that you are.”

He immediately tries to shank you and gets thrown into the hole, as Schillinger’s angry face glares at you in the background.

He didn’t think it was possible, but he hated you even more than Beecher.

Lots of the Aryan’s take shots at you for Schillinger, and all of them have to return with their tail between their legs like kicked dogs when they failed whether due to you or your friends intervention.

Said and Beecher consistently warn you about underestimating him, citing all of his cruelty in example after example.

Your response is always the same;

“I don’t bow to tyrants.”

One day, he’s walking through the hallways with the mail cart, and spots you talking with Cyril in the hallway somewhere. There are COs with both of you, but that doesn’t mean Vern can’t have a little fun.

“Well, hello, Cyril.” He reached out and slid his hand down Cyril’s back. “Looking for a good time, Y/N?”

You sort of piece together what he’s inferring you did with Cyril, and you actually do get angry this time. You always hated that they picked on Cyril. Talk about hitting below the belt.

“No, Vern, I’m not a kiddie raper like you.”

His face goes red. That was the one place where he drew the line. He sort of made a move that the CO anticipated.

“The fuck are you-“

“He’s got the mind of a kindergartner, Vern, what would you call it?” You snap back, making a move that the CO closest to you anticipated, both COs holding you both back. “Pervert, lowlife, bitch tit.” You called out to him as you were lead away.

“You’re dead, Y/N.”

He consigns Robson into making the move, trying to shank you in the showers. Nothing could have prepared him for when you exited and Robson was carried out by four CO’s, still fighting them as blood poured from his broken nose.

“Nice job subcontracting. Next time, come at me yourself, chicken shit.”

And come at you he did. He waited until you were alone, paying the Hack to lead you to a closet and leave.

You turn to see him standing there with a blunt shank in his hands.

“You ready, Y/N. No more talk. This is make or break time.”

“I talk a big game because I play a big game. Bring it on, boomer.”

He lunges at you, and you grab his wrist and try to knock him off balance. He slashes the air around you, trying to catch any part of you with his blade.

You slam his wrist against the wall once twice thrice until he drops the shank into your waiting hand. He pushes your hand so that you catch your side a little with the blade, but. Nothing could have prepared him for what you did next;

Dragging the blade back across your skin, you hit his wrist enough to press the shank into his side, digging in as hard as you could.

“Fuck… you fucking piece of shit fag bitch ass whore…” he presses your hand back and pushes you away, a large red patch forming on both of your right sides; now twins in your scars.

“Love the nicknames you come up with for me.”

“You’re fuckin’ annoying as shit.” He closed his eyes, hissing at the pain in his side.

“And you fucking ate Beecher’s shit. I know I’d rather be annoying than an actual shit eater.”

“One day, Y/N. One fucking day…” he limps out of the room, trying to flag down a hack and get medical attention.

As soon as he leaves you almost collapse

Fuck, that shit hurt

You both had scars in the same place now.

When he sees you next to Said, he always has a comment.

If you’re a POC, he’ll remark something about ��birds of a feather”, and if you’re white, he’ll regard you as some sort of race traitor.

It’s almost like he’ll hate you no matter what and it’s not about self preservation

It’s almost like that, because it is like that

You do interactions together, at Sister Pete’s request

It’s largely you two insulting the other

Even Sister Pete is tired

“Fuckin’ shanked me…”

“I’m sorry, after who came at me with said shank…?”

It’s not super productive

One day, you learn he’s planning something against Holly Beecher, that’s where you draw the line.

You come up with a plan with Keller

You go to Schillinger one day

“I’ve got a proposal…”

“Yeah, does it involve you sucking my cock?”

“Actually, yes.”

He’s stunned. You lay it out for him.

“Holly Beecher. Don’t touch her, ever.”

And what are you offering?”

“Complete sexual obedience.”

It’s a tempting offer. He considers.

“In secret, of course. Your aryans wouldn’t approve and Beecher and Said would just try to talk me out of it.”

“You got a deal, sweet cheeks.”

You pleasure him regularly, committing to your long con as much as possible, putting on a show when you could to make him feel like it was worth his while.

When he starts to trust you, you make your move.

You give him, what had been affectionately named in Oz; “the Beecher Special”

His screams could be heard throughout Oz as the tip of his dick came off cleanly in your mouth, his off balance movements being the perfect time for you to shank him.

Between the blood loss from his crotch and his chest, Schillinger is no more.

The rest of the aryans are easy

The jizz you get is unmatched

And it all started with Schillinger treating you like his bitch.

[bitchesgate3]

I honestly think it was Larian's intent and goes with Larian's design principles that you are open to headcanon the companions as bi/pan, gay, or straight. And it's not invalidating to their characters at all.

On the one hand, I think Larian is becoming nicely inclusive, but the company isn't well versed in newer terminology. "Poly" in game amounts to noncomittal hookups, which to me is false advertising and demonstrates a lack of understanding of concepts like non-hierarchical poly. Which was the type of poly I was hoping for.

Likewise, I do think they equated pansexuality as a "doesn't matter what gender you are" sexuality. Which fits neatly into the ability for the player to romance all companions without having them talk specifically about their attractions in a way that could invalidate other potential headcanons. (However, Gale, Wyll, and Shadowheart all talked about heterosexual relationships in EA and 0 gay/lesbian relationships. So in a way, this "pansexuality" interpretation also allowed them not to mention the characters' openness to homosexuality, which is a cop out.)

Pansexuality is not represented as the lack of straight or gay attraction. Pansexuality is an attraction to many things about people in combinations that exist outside the conventional binary. An attraction to any number of physical and social traits across any and all genders.

Portraying it as "I'm into you," without specifics, is not intentional representation. The closest thing we get is Lae'zel's come on that is reasonably applicable to all Tavs in game (whose come on worked for me as a bi/pan person). The other companions just suddenly find themselves in love with Tav after being good enough friends. What do they actually like about Tav? That they are nice?

Because of this superficial understanding of pansexuality, they call the characters pan, but what they meant and intended was simply the fact that the companions are romanceable no matter what character you play.

There is an unfortunate element irl in how people interpret bisexuality. That once a bi person gets with someone, their partner determines their interpreted sexuality. Hence what I believe Larian was going for with "pan" characters who you could still headcanon as gay or straight. Which is not what pansexuality is at all.

I say all that to mean: don't let anyone tell you that you can't headcanon the characters as a specific sexuality or identity. Substantiate it with moments in game and how you've played your Tav. Enjoy the story you craft. It's likely how Larian intended for you to play.

[aeimygdala]

I understand it can be at least a little annoying sometimes for people to constantly to go "I'm ace, but-" regarding every time they want to say something about someone attractive or something sexual, so I personally shy away from doing that, but it is also SO obnoxious to have ppl go "aren't you ace-" whenever you express An Opinion. it's like people simply Can't Conceptualize that anyone could care about bodies or something without being physically attracted to them.

and half of why I don't do it much anymore is bc I dislike the idea that I need to justify myself or what I say in a way that forces me to spoonfeed someone constantly about how "attraction" works and how i define it (spoiler: I don't because I don't know and don't Care) bc its stupid. I'm not going to waste time telling anyone the intimate details of Attraction. (Also, no hate, but I find the IDEA of rly niche aspec attraction microlabels somewhat uncomfortable as something to use in casual conversation, but lbr: I don't see anyone ACTUALLY doing that irl so I'm not gonna make up a guy and say they do that lol)

can't be gay and go "fat and hairy women are hot btw" without someone eying you, and it's even worse for lesbians saying Literally Anything about men. (I feel it often happens in a more predatory than annoying sense in those cases, too) like people can just express things that deserve to be said without it having attraction or intent behind it lmao at what point does "I think this is attractive" mean "I am actively attracted to this." one is an opinion or statement, another is an action or feeling

what if we all just sat down and said hairy and fat people are hot and should be appreciated. what if it just personally matters to you to say certain people are hot bc of how often theyre told theyre not. maybe uplifting others and expressing appreciation for the spectrum of human existence rules and can and should go past physical attraction

Not that people should be reduced to those traits or have their value based on attractiveness, but isn't it also simply just Fun and Feels Good to talk positively about others?

anyways from now on, im personally hitting reblog on any we love fat bitches and anti-shaving posts

[lesbianp1lled]

I have never told this to anyone but that anon about febfems is right.. in a sense and it has bugged me for some time. I am an older-ish bi woman who has never dated a man/never had sex with a man, mainly bc I just really like women and never felt that way about men. Just a really strong natural preference for women (I always say.. if there are bihets then there also exists the opposite side of the bi spectrum for women who never seriously fall for men/want sex with men and thats me lol). I love my lesbian friends but I thought the febfem thing would finally be my opportunity to meet women who are exactly like me (in terms of sexuality). Because the only bi women I know irl are bihets and when I tried to date other bi women, it never really worked out so most of my partners were lesbians. But the febfem communities I got into somehow don't vibe with me. Don't get me wrong, there are cool women there and I really think the majority of them will not date men again. But they talk a lot about men, about how to keep staying away from men, about fictional blorbos and such. I never had to tell myself to stay away from men, I felt extremely drawn to women all my life and that's why I landed in relationships with them. I don't like male blorbos. I don't feel like I am making a sacrifice, this isn't hard in any way. I've just been living like this for decades and never felt like I am missing out or denying myself something. And I feel like saying that in those spaces would come off as arrogant because a lot of women there are struggeling with the "not dating men" thing or are at least still attached to het fantasies. I know that women like me do exist but I've mostly met older women in LGBT spaces who don't call themselves bi or lesbian but are obviously bi with a heavy preference for women. Other people might call them lesbians usually but yea. I have yet to meet a woman under 50 who is bi like me. I think the febfem trend is cool and it should grow so more bi women call themselves that instead of "lesbian" but I don't think it's for me/about me and I'll keep searching I guess

Yeah some febfems still seem really fixated on men and find it hard ‘giving up’ men, must be alienating for you that prefers women and doesn’t have that much attraction to men, I think that’s quite rare

[aikoiya]

LoZ: Wild - An Examination of Gerudo Societal Pressures

You know what I don't understand? Why I haven't seen a lot of fans exploring the amount of societal pressure that the Gerudo Culture would absolutely visit upon its vai to find voe to settle down with.

Like, think about it. The continued existence of their race relies on as many of their vai as possible leaving town to go out & find voe to marry & have as many daughters as they can with.

Like, if as many of them as possible don't do this, their race could feasibly die out. Now, in the IRL modern era, there's a lot of focus on gender equality, 'women need to be in more positions of power,' acceptance & even celebration of others' sexualities, of child-free lifestyles, of 'transwomen & transmen are the same as women & men & if you're not attracted to them then you're a bigot,' & 'strong, independent woman don't need no man.'

But here's a race where positions of power are ALL occupied by women because their race only gets 1 man per century. And there's a very real & present consequence to this being the case.

Such as having to leave their homes & desperately search out men from other races in order to keep their people & culture alive. Also, the very obvious sexual, even misandristic, segregation present in their culture & the fact that daughters are purposefully separated from their fathers, & sometimes even mothers as showcased by Rhondson & Maddison, as early as age 5 & are not allowed to see each other until the vai are old enough to go out & find voe of their own & I just don't think that that's very healthy for them. Studies show that children who grow up without a father figure of some sort tend to have far more problems psychologically later down the line. So, unless the Gerudo's brains develop in a wholy different way to how humans do, this tradition of their's could just be creating generation after generation of possibly developmentally stunted individuals. Which shows that just because their culture is run by women rather than men, that doesn't automatically make everything rosy & perfect.

Which is actually a very realistic outlook in this situation. In this way, you could say that men are both coveted & in some ways paradoxically looked down upon in a similar way to how women used to be IRL, at least in Gerudo society. I've even seen a comment about how Gerudo are made to be so entirely divorced from men that said men are in a lot of ways viewed as an entirely different species from themselves. Which makes a certain degree of sense.

And I saw someone complain about how the Gerudo are a race of warrior women, yet they are forced to abandon their homes in order to find husbands & pop out babies & that all the Gerudo they meet outside of the desert all seem to only talk about romance (& there was some obvious indications of the individual having a very feminist perspective). Of course, they were wrong; not all of the Gerudo outside of the desert only talk about romance & finding voe, but admittedly, most of them do. Though, the thing is, this is actually extremely realistic given their biological situation.

The amount of social pressure in the Gerudo Culture, just from their biological circumstances, to be straight, leave home, find a man, get married to him, & have as many kids as possible must be absolutely insane.

Like, let's be real here. In a predicament where you either reproduce or you could be contributing to your race's extinction, you fucking reproduce! Keep in mind, the Gerudo are never really shown to be very prolific, so that might also contribute. Logically speaking, if more Gerudo had a larger number of offspring, then perhaps there wouldn't be such a subliminal need for each & every one to go out & seek men. Which alone would take some pressure off & might allow for more Gerudo to feel free to pursue other interests.

I mean, you really only see a handful of young vai in town & only really Maddison outside of it. Which, for me, would raise some alarms. Like, this is such a huge cultural thing, yet you only see 1 family with a Gerudo daughter outside of town?? Why aren't there more?? Like, not all of them need to have side quests! Just have a couple random Gerudo women living in Hyrule with a husband, a few with young daughters & even some with baby vai in bassinets! Maybe have a couple Gerudo obviously pregnant.

Which, BTW! There are no pregnant women in BotW or TotK! And that is extremely alarming!

Like, as modern women, we can say that we're independent & don't need men & we don't need children because our population is very high right now. Therefore it isn't as outrageously important for us to pop out kids. The Gerudo, however, don't have that option.

All things considered, there really aren't that many of them as they almost exclusively live in the Gerudo Desert unless they're out around Hyrule looking for men or married to one & living there, at least as far as we know & that really isn't a very large place compared to the rest of Hyrule. Then again, the desert does just cut off there, so I wouldn't be surprised if there are actually more Gerudo settlements that aren't as close to Hyrule & thus aren't really considered thematically important to the plots of the games.

I admit that I do also wish that they talked more about other things, but it just shows how important this is.

Honestly, let's be real here. Gerudo Culture most likely wouldn't be very kind to homosexuals or transpeople. Even spinsters are likely looked down upon as failures to a degree. I'm just being realistic here.

If a Gerudo were to discover she was gay, I guarantee that it'd be a death sentence if anyone found out.

And transman foreigners that try to talk up Gerudo? Probably considered deceivers & wicked liars. Especially if the Gerudo had to find this out on their own rather than being told. Like, not only is something like that horribly manipulative IRL, for a Gerudo who thought she'd found her true love who she could live happily ever after with & have daughters with to make her ancestors proud. This would be like a slap in the face.

Like, obviously most of these people would likely just be trying to live their lives as who they believe themselves to be or something, but from the perspective of a Gerudo, it would feel very targeted. It would just make sense that the Gerudo's culture would subconsciously teach them to react in such a way.

Like, keep in mind the cultures that the Gerudo are based off of: Egypt/Middle Eastern cultures. Such cultures are mostly Muslim in religion & they generally don't treat homosexuality very well either. In fact, if 2 men have sex, it is very possible for them to be sentenced to death. Even in situations where a man is raped by another man, the victim is still liable to be executed unless he lies & says he's trans.

But even that is simply from a religious perspective. The Gerudo are forced to look at it through a "my entire race is relying on me to have babies or we could go extinct" perspective. Which should arguably make them even more biased against such things.

Keep in mind that Nintendo doesn't seem to be afraid of making the Gerudo go extinct as exactly this seemed to take place in Wind Waker.

Which, BTW, I'm still trying to nail down how the Gerudo came back from if the Wild Series really is a convergence of all 3 timelines. I mean, I always suspected that Telma was at least part Gerudo, but who knows, maybe I was right?? Perhaps the ancestors of the Gerudo returned to the desert for whatever reason & something about that caused something to happen?? I dunno... I do theorize that the whole only women thing might've been a result of some sort of curse, so maybe another aspect of that is that returning to the Gerudo Region allows their Gerudo blood to resurface??

Though... now that I think about it. Maybe they wouldn't be so outright opposed to Vai being genderfluid. They'd likely see it as strange & childish, but ultimately harmless.

Voe, though? No.

This isn't meant to be hateful, just a realistic look at the Gerudo culture based on logic & evidence. An examination of how a society like this would actually work given their situation.

LoZ Cultural Masterlist

[shrimpmandan]

don’t answer if ur not comfortable but how do u differentiate truly having a harmful paraphilia from intrusive thoughts abt it? im someone who has intrusive thoughts abt 2 out of the big 3 as well as other sexual things that can’t be done morally and i often stress that that means i am a paraphile (ik that’s a broad term but i don’t like specifying which ones yknow).

to my understanding, non offending big 3 paraphiles experience with their attraction seems similar to intrusive thoughts because they cause distress and such, so i guess im wondering abt where the distinction lies? i also find the psychological aspects of sex and sexuality interesting in their own right so beyond my own concern i’d be interested to learn cuz it’s just really fascinating

thanks dude!! :)

No worries at all anon! This is a HUGE SpIn of mine and I'm always happy to provide any perspective, even if I'm not a professional and all that.

The biggest distinguishing factor between an intrusive thought and a regular thought is if it's voluntary, and if the thought is welcomed or wanted. Intrusive thoughts are out of your control and often incite feelings of revulsion, disgust, discomfort, fear, anxiety, or rejection. They are thoughts that you want OUT of your brain as soon as possible. When you talk about paraphilias, the waters can muddy a little.

Paraphilias do not necessitate that the thoughts are unwanted. This may be true of paraphilic disorders, wherein the patient experiences clinically significant distress over their paraphilia (this doesn't necessarily refer to one of the big three!), but it's not inherent. A lot of paraphilic fantasy rejection can come from internalized shame due to outside social stigma and personal morality... but so can intrusive thoughts. There's no clear cut distinction between the two due to how much influence society has over our thoughts and how we respond to them, HOWEVER, you may want to consider looking into something like POCD.

POCD, while not an officially recognized diagnosis, is a subset of OCD that specifically centers around pedophilia. There exists also ZOCD (zoophilia OCD) and NOCD (necrophilia OCD), however POCD is by far the most well-researched out of these. POCD involves obsessive and/or compulsive behaviors regarding proving or disproving if one is a pedophile, such as through intentionally exposing themselves to distressing imagery on purpose or engaging with intrusive thoughts related to children. More often than not, people with POCD don't end up having any paraphilic attractions at all-- they are worried about the concept of being a pedophile and if they'll enact tangible harm, not grappling with actual attraction.

I've struggled with POCD for some time now, but I'm fairly confident in that I don't have any attraction to IRL children. The extent to which I'll engage with my thoughts is in fiction, and even then, it's more of a curiosity as opposed to something that's a consistent turn-on-- which is in direct contrast to my other paraphilias which are much stronger and carry with them less internalized shame, and more externalized fear over being harassed, abandoned, and/or doxxed. I don't experience fear over IF I'll offend, because I'm confident that I won't under my own circumstances. But this is something that can vary from person to person.

Some potentially helpful further reading:

r/OCD also may be potentially helpful! Plenty of people on there have talked about experiencing zoophilic, necrophilic, or pedophilic OCD. Just type one of those words into the search bar and you'll probably find someone who's going through the same thing.

[mywitchcultblr]

"I dont support it in real life!"

Then why write about it? If for coping purposes, why post it online for others (especially actual predators) to see and consume? Then why portray those things in a positive light instead of condemning them?And you're seriously going to tell me that just because as an adult you want to see a fictional minor (that mind you, is usually designed to resemble an actual child) depicted in sexual situations doesn't mean you don't share that same view concerning children in real life? You find fictional minors attractive but not real ones? Why does the line between finding someone who is (and usually also looks like) a child sexually attractive get drawn at whether the child is real or not? I'm not calling anyone pedophiles, but if the shoe fits... And also no, I am not talking about 18 y/os finding 17 y/os attractive. Use your brain. Creating content of underaged characters is still questionable regardless of age, however.

My man I haven't even been active for a while and doesn't post anything or reblog other than shit post. Also you inserted points about loli content it seems. I never talk about loli and shota. I don't see the appeal myself but I would rather scroll down and filter the content for my own comfort than picking a pointless waste of time fight with people...

The ONLY thing lately that I post that got to do with survivors using fandom to cope is my support for abuse survivors who likes ascended Astarion. Are you using the straw man argument of "what about children" to shit on them???

"why write about it." If a survivor wanted to write something for coping it is VALID. "Why post it where people can see?" Tags exist my man, you filter your own homepage content.

Also when did I talk about minors in media?

Yeah people like you would just go immediately saying "you like minors are you? You are a pedophile" to someone who doesn't have any interest to harass people and accuse them of doing IRL harm with no proof because using "what about children?" Argument is an effective way to get people behind your outrage. Because if people doesn't immediately jump into the ban wagon they are afraid that they'll be falsely accused as a pedo as well...

If this ask is over ascendant astarion, you are stupid for keep picking a fight with the fans and accuse them of supporting abuse. If this pro ship vs anti ship thing please go outside, losing your mind over shipping is DUMB as well

Sorry I'm not a loser who spend my time online on Twitter or Tumblr or TikTok policing people over anime girls tits or whatever. I have a life