#people grow and change and forget and maybe even forgive

[analviel]

Damian on an interview that irrevocably won the hearts of the entire world his reputation wil never, ever, ever recover:

So he's on a quick interview just a light one that's probably gonna be edited to 5 mins that involved sitting and talking, and -most importantly the reason he'd suffered through it- petting dogs. And they get on to his dreams and expectations of the future, and of course he says something about having established veterinary clinics and caring homes for animals, and then he's asked, personally what did he think he'd look like, what feature of your parents will you get and.

Damian answers height, definitely height, both his father and mother are tall people (he is going to loom over lesser plebeians he will not allow otherwise) and even Jason has proven it so there's an example and even Dick himself is tall, Duke is growing uo to be tall too, so the precursor is giving him a solid support to his theory, even if he might be of the slighter physique like Cass amd Tim they're still not what you'd call short just like mother and Selina, (here, the interviewer blinks as Damian so very seriously mulls on that, going on a rant of probabilities and likelihood and genetics), internally Damian feels very assured of himself because his mother also created him in a test tube and surely she'd give him only the best feature, he's not like his siblings who depended on luck and genetic lottery because it'd been rigged for him since the start Talia certainly did not and could not go that far okay so it's practically guaranteed that he's going to be tall and he's been bombarded by social media of exactly how beautiful his family was so there's no question about that.

Yes, Damian gets so heated and passionate about this..... That he clearly forgot one crucial thing about his supporting points here and that the interviewer refuse to bring up. His conclusion is surely sound and solid.

The facts he'd brought up to support that though.

Perhaps we have live reaction of his dawning realization and mortification.

Maybe, distracted by the doggos, he doesn't register this until much, much later.

Dick, Cass, Jason, Tim, Duke, and Steph (who'd maybe been included too in an aside regarding her lighter hair that had darkened so perhaps Damian should expect his dark brown hair, from Talia, to settle into something darker approaching his father, Tim, and Cass'), share the clip with a heartfelt if also teasing and half joking comments.

Dick: AWWWW😭😭😭😭💗💗💗💗 We're a true family little D

Cass:, 💘❤️☺️

Jason: Yeah, absolutely solid argument here, I agree. Take the height Tim and Cass didn't.

Tim: I'll never forgive you if you grow taller than me, but I'll forgive you even less if, on top of that, you also don't grow taller than Jason.

Duke: This is so sweet dude 🥺🐶

Steph: Anticipating you in the hair color changing club (current members: my platinum-dark blonde, Jason's red-black)

Bruce: You make me proud

I love the trope of forgetting that you're not related.

[impulseheaven]

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ Hatred - Katsuki Bakugo

cw: fem!reader , midoriya!reader , reader is a year below bakugo , cursing , suggestiveness , reader has boobs wc: 4.1k synopsis: Growing up you never liked Bakugo, atleast not until he started helping you train.

Bakugo will never forget the first time you stood up to him, it was his second year of middle school and your first. He had just smacked Deku’s books out of his hands, sending them sliding across the tiled floors. He wasn’t with his usual friends so his back wasn't guarded, he saw how Deku’s eyes looked over his shoulder but he paid it no mind.

Until he felt a hand on his shoulder, forcefully spinning him around. Before he could even grasp what was happening a fist landed on his jaw.

Which is how he landed himself in the emergency room, with his mom scolding him for being a ‘bully’ in her words.

From then on anytime he would pick on Deku you would quickly be there, arguing with the blonde until he left.

Now it was his second year of UA, he and Izuku had grown closer than before. They were friends again, and now you are in UA. You landed in 1-a, but that was a given. You had a good quirk and deserved the spot, but Bakugo would never tell you that.

You and him still didn’t get along, and you made it clear to everyone that you would never forgive him for everything he put your brother through. Although your brother tried to have you forgive him, you never gave in.

It wasn't only for what he did to your brother but also the fact you just didn’t like him, he was too cocky even now after all his ‘development’ as your brother called it.

Although you had friends in your class, you preferred hanging out with your brother and the people in his class. Today classes had just wrapped up, and you were back in your dorm. You had finished up the small amount of homework you had before changing out of uniform, putting on a pair of black sweatpants, your favorite pair of slippers, and a hoodie.

You headed over to the 2-A dorm building, thankfully Kirishima was also heading in so he let you in. You smiled at him, before you could thank him you heard the all too familiar voice. “What’re you doing here?”

Your smile quickly slid off your face and a scowl replaced it, “I'm here to see my brother idiot.” Bakugo scoffed, and Kirishima stirred him away.

You huffed before walking towards the common room where you found your brother, along with Shoto and Ochako. No doubt that Iida was still up in his dorm doing homework.

As you made eye contact with your brother your scowl disappeared and a smile was back on your face, you sat down next to Ochako who was sitting on the ground with her back against the couch.

“Hey guys,” You spoke aloud. You felt the familiar hand of your brother pat your head, “Hey feisty.” You huffed at the nickname that's stuck ever since middle school. You smacked your brother's hand away before he messed up your hair.

“Ochako do you think you could help me practice my quirk this weekend?” She turned her head to you with a smile, “Yea of course, it's always so fun to train with you!” You hummed in agreement as you smiled.

You spent the next couple of hours in their common room until eventually it was just you and your brother, you had moved up to the couch next to him after Shoto left.

You two were both on your own phones but enjoyed just hanging out with each other, eventually he turned off his phone and turned towards you prompting you to do the same.

Your phone was resting in your lap and your arm was propped on the back of the couch, “I heard you and Kacchan arguing whenever you came in.” You huffed already knowing the conversation that was about to begin. “He started it, I mean who else do I come here for?” Izuku frowned a bit. “Cmon yn, would it really be so hard for you to get along with him? You’ve known eachother since you were practically a baby.” You glared at him, “Well maybe if he wasn't such a..” you swung your hands around for a second to find the right word “snob!”

Izuku couldn’t help but sigh, and smile a bit as you struggled to find the right word. “Yes I know but I have forgiven him, can’t you do the same?” You shook your head “Nuh uh, not until he apologizes to me. He just doesn’t like me cause I stood up to him when you couldn’t do it for yourself.” Izuku didn’t argue back because he knew you had a point.

You grabbed your phone and checked the time before standing, “I gotta get back to my dorm, goodnight.” You heard your brother say a soft ‘goodnight’ back as you left the common room.

You had a scowl on your face until the moment you went to sleep.

It was now Saturday, you and Ochako were in one of the training gym’s. Of course Izuku took this opportunity to train with Bakugo on the other side of the gym much to your displeasure.

You could never fully focus on training whenever he could be watching, it made you feel weird and unfocused. Ochako and you were taking a small water break, splitting her chocolate granola bar with you as you both watched your brother and Bakugo fight. It was obvious to everyone that Izuku’s quirk was fading from his body, every time you watched your brother train you felt so bad.

You always felt so bad that you were the one with a quirk. He was always the stronger one at least physically, so you always felt like he deserved a quirk more than you.

Eventually the two boys took a break, “Alright c'mon let's get back to it” Ochako stood up and offered her hand to lift you up. You got up with a sigh, the both of you walking to the center of the gym since the two boys were taking a break now you had the whole space.

You clenched your hands into fists and spread them back out a couple times, feeling the strain in your fingers from overdoing it earlier. This round you realized you would have to rely more on actual fighting and not just your quirk which was a bit annoying but it would be fine.

You got into position, waiting for the go from Ochako. You noticed that Ochako always liked to get the first hit in fights which gave you an advantage.

Bakugo sat on the bench with his water bottle forgotten in his hand as he watched you fight, he couldn't help but focus on the way your chest was rising so rapidly, or the way your face was flushed and has sweat beads falling from your eyebrow and down to the corner of your mouth.

Unbeknownst to him Izuku watched as Bakugo stared at you with a smile, Izuku always grumbled at the idea of you getting with someone. That was his role as your older brother, but then and there is when he realized that if you liked Kacchan it would be fine.

Ochako ended up winning, and you couldn’t help but be angry with yourself. It was so annoying to have to rely on your quirk so much, but also be so weak when it came to hand to hand combat.

You and her walked over to where the boys were, Ochako and Izuku were having a conversation as you chugged a water. Seemingly so you didn’t have to go talk, and you ignored Bakugo’s presence knowing he’d probably jab insults at you for losing.

Once Bakugo was sure the other two were wrapped up in a conversation he nudged your shoe with his, looking up at you from where he was sitting. You looked over at him, taking the bottle away from your lips with a sigh. His eyes flickered down to your lips as you licked them before looking back up at your eyes, “What?”

His eyebrows pinched together at your tone, but he straightened his posture to calm himself down before speaking. “I can help you with hand to hand combat.. if you want or whatever.” He rushed out the last part as he looked away.

You were taken aback for a moment, but you couldn't deny that he was good. You huffed, closing your water bottle. “Yea sure… not like I need your help or anything.” He huffed as a smirk formed on his face, standing up and picking up his bag. “Yea right, keep telling yourself that.” He waved to Izuku and Ochako, but you glared at him once his eyes landed on you. His smirk only widened before he exited the gym.

You walked over to your bag and grabbed the small towel you always bring. Ochako excused herself to go the bathroom and you spoke up, “‘zuku can you help me with my quirk, whenever I use it too much it makes my fuckin’ hands strain and it’s starting to get on my nerves.” He hummed and you could tell his brain was racking for solutions, “Yea sure i’ll try to figure something out, but what were you and Kacchan talking about?”

You scoffed at the mere mention of him as you slid your gym bag onto your shoulder, “Doesn’t matter.” He could only smile at your words, he knew what you two were talking about. It’s easy for him to eavesdrop, from whenever he’d grow bored in middle school and listen in on other conversations.

“If you say so, well me and Ochako are gonna stay behind. You can go ahead and go if you want.” You hummed, “Alright i’ll see you later.”

He watched as you left, sitting in silence with a smile on his face until Ochako came back.

She walked up to him and rested her hands on her hips, “They totally like each other y'know.” He looked up at her with a smile, “Yea, I just don’t think they actually know it themselves.” The two laughed briefly about it before training with each other.

It’s been a week since then, but you still haven’t had the chance to see Bakugo to actually train with him. You have been staring at his contact in your phone for at least five minutes, not wanting to text him first but knowing the training will never happen if you don't.

Eventually you send him a short text ‘when can we train.’ After you press send you toss your phone onto your bed and groan. Turning back to the English homework you’ve been trying to do for the past two hours.

A ding filled the silent room and you looked over at your phone, standing up and walking to your bed. You grabbed your phone and read the text, ‘right now.’ You huffed and looked over at your homework before going back on your phone. ‘can’t, doing homework.’ almost immediately he texts back ‘what for?’ You can’t help but raise your eyebrows as he actually makes conversation with you, you hum before typing back ‘english, it makes no fucking sense.’

You bring your phone with you as you sit back at your desk, watching as the typing bubble appears and reappears a couple times causing you to pinch your brows together. Eventually he texts back, ‘come over and i’ll help.’ At this you eyes widen a bit, a first you thought about telling him to fuck off but then you remembered how high his grades always were. You huffed and stared back at the packet in front of you. Quickly accepting the fact you did need help anyways you texted back a quirk ‘omw.’

You packed up your stuff back in your backpack, you were already in a lounge set so you’d just wear that.

You walked over to the 2-a dorms with your backpack hanging off one shoulder and your phone in your pocket. As you walked past the common room you waved to Shoto who was eating some soba, which he seemed to do a lot more than he used to.

You went up to Bakugo’s door and knocked, and once it opened you were met with the sight of him in gray sweatpants and a black tank top. He huffed once he saw it was you, walking back into his room and leaving the door open for you.

You trailed in behind him, closing the door softly behind you. You stood awkwardly for a moment before moving to sit at his desk, only stopping once he grunted. “Sit on my bed, it's easier for me to help.” You hummed as you went over to the bed, it was all black and had two pillows. As you sat down you could smell his bed, it smelt like him.

You pulled out the homework packet you were given, flopping it down on the bed with your pencil. He was sitting with his back against the headboard, while you sat against the wall with your legs in a criss cross.

You sat silently as he picked up the packet, flipping through it before scoffing. You looked up at him to see a smug expression on his face, “this shit was easy last year.” You rolled your eyes, taking the packet out of his hands. “You said you would help, so either help me or I'll ask Shoto.” You knew you couldn't ask your brother because he lacked in English last year.

He rolled his eyes and eventually he began explaining it to you, helping you work through the packet and almost three hours later it was done.

You huffed and rolled your wrist around a couple times, you noticed as time went on that somewhere during the time of him helping you he moved to sit beside you. He was still a couple inches away but his leg kept brushing against yours.

You leaned against the wall, your back protesting against the way you’ve been hunched over for the past three hours. As you leaned back your shoulder knocked against his, causing him to jab your ribs with his elbow. You winced and looked over at him, “quit it asshole.” He only smirked and did it again.

Your brows furrowed and you elbowed him back, a bit harder than he did to you. He huffed, his face now had an expression much like your own. “Cut it out.” He lifted his hand and pushed you. You scoffed, pushing him back “you started it!” He continued on and pushed you again, and as you lifted your hand and went to push him his hand grabbed your wrist.

He pulled you closer, “Doesn’t matter who started it, I'm ending it.” You huffed, trying to free your hand from his grip. You noticed you could feel his breath against your lips, causing your eyes to flicker down.

Once he saw your eyes on his lips he couldn't help but stick his tongue out and lick over his bottom lip. Your eyes looked back up at him while the room grew quiet. His eyes flickered down to your lips before he let go of your wrist.

You stayed close to him for a moment before snapping out of that weird trance, packing up your stuff back into your bag. You stood off his bed and slung your backpack onto your shoulder, muttering a small “thanks.” Before quickly exiting his room.

You shuffled to the elevator, deciding to go hang out with your brother before heading back to your dorm. As the elevator went up images of Bakugo’s lips flashed in your mind again, causing your face to flush. What the hell was wrong with you?

You ignored it as the elevator opened, walking over to your brother’s door and knocking. As soon as he opened the door you didn't give him time to speak before you went in. You tossed your bag down on the ground before crawling onto his bed with a groan, flopping down.

You heard him close the door and walk over to the bed, laughing at your state “what happened now?” At this you sat up and faced him, “Stupid Bakugo that's what, I went over to his dorm for help on my english homework. He helped I guess..” You looked off to the side with a sigh before getting aggravated again. “Then after he had the audacity to jab me in my ribs, and whenever I did it back it suddenly became a problem!”

As you ranted on, Izuku sat down at his desk. Swinging his desk chair so he was facing you, “what’d he do that made you so pissed off?” You huffed, your face heating up again. Izuku picked up on this, sitting up with raised eyebrows. You muttered quickly “doesn’t matter” before moving topics.

A few days later it was time for Bakugo to help you with hand to hand combat, you were currently walking to the training gym he rented out for the day for you two to use. You had your gym bag and a water bottle in your hand, as you pushed open the gym door you saw him using a punching bag in the corner.

Your eyes shifted to his biceps that were bigger than you last remembered. Your eyes flickered back up to his face whenever you caught sight of him licking a bead of sweat above his lip. You huffed and walked over to the bench, setting your bag down next to his. You put your phone in the side pocket of your bag, taking a sip of water as you heard him walking over to you.

He was already huffing, taking a sip of his own water. You turned to face him with your hands on your hips, “what’re we doing today?” He shrugged and put his water down, “since you fucking suck lets just fight first, so I know what you need help with.” You grunted at his words, ignoring him as you walked to the center of the gym.

He followed after you as you both got into position, “ready?” You nodded once, trying to ignore how his muscles flexed.

Soon you two started, from the start it was clear he was a lot more experienced than you were. At one point he completely swiped your feet out from under you, which you’ll never live down.

As the fight went on, you side stepped to the left and went to kick him in the ribs, but he caught you off guard and grabbed your ankle. Pulling you as you both fell to the ground, him pinning you down.

His hand had your wrists in a grip above you, while he sat just above your lower abdomen not wanting to put all his weight on you. You tried the free yourself, tugging at your hands. He smirked as you struggled, only tightening his grip on you. You huffed and looked up at him.

His eyes drifted down to your chest as you heaved, noticing how much your breasts were on display in the tight gym tank top you were wearing. You watched as his eyes looked down to your breasts, feeling your face heating up. He let out a puff of air as one of his hands moved from your wrists to put a strand of hair that's fallen in your face behind your ear.

It seems after he did that he snapped out of it, immediately retracting his hands and getting off of you. Without a word he walked back over to his gym bag and drank some water, “We can continue tomorrow.” You propped yourself up on your elbows, “We barely even did anything today!” He rolled his eyes and put his bag on his shoulder. “Not my problem.”

As you went to protest he quickly exited the gym, you groaned and layed back down on the floor. You bit your lip as you reminisced about the moment you two had earlier, your eyes widened and you sat up. Holy fucking shit, you like Bakugo.

You huffed out a breath as you looked back at the door where he just exited. Placing your head in your hands, feeling how warm your face was. You hurriedly packed up your bag, walking to your dorm room.

Once you were inside you sat on your bed, staring down at you phone that was in your hands. You were staring at you and Bakugo’s messages, you retyped your message about a hundred times before groaning and tossing your phone away.

Bakugo was pacing in his room, phone in his hand as he watched the bubble pop up on your end. He waited for your text, watching as the bubble appeared and disappeared again and again. Once it didn't come back after a couple seconds he tossed his phone away, not caring where it went.

He huffed as he grabbed his shower caddy with all his bathroom essentials, a towel, and a change of clothes before stomping out his dorm and going to the showers. He made sure no one was coming as he stripped out of his sweaty clothes from earlier and stepped into the shower, yanking the curtain closed behind him.

He let the warm water run down his body and ran his hands through his hair. He opened his eyes and let the water run down his body. “What the hell is wrong with me?” He said aloud to no one in particular.

He raised his hand and placed it on his heart, feeling how fast it was beating. Jesus fucking christ, did he like..you?

Weeks have passed since then, you and him have been training three times a week. You’ve noticed how physically distant he’s been, as soon as one of you wins he's quick to back away. You tried to ignore it but today it bothered you more than usual.

You had him pinned after winning and you could tell he was itching to stand up and move away from you but you didn’t allow it. You tightened your hold on his wrists and looked at him, “why are you being so weird?” He huffed, trying and failing to tug his wrists away. “‘m not being weird.”

You raised your brows, both of you knew he was fibbing. “Yes you are, quit being a liar.” He rolled his eyes, catching his breath as he laid down. “Spit it out,” he glared at you. Your eyes drifted down to his lips, just like that one time. Watching as his tongue stuck out and coated his lips with saliva, and he watched as you stared at him.

A smug smirk etched on his face as your eyes flickered back up to his, you scowling at him. “What?” He stayed silent which only pissed you off more, tightening your grip on his wrists. “You sure do like to stare huh?” You blew some air out of your mouth, “yea only cause you're so ugly.”

It was a weak insult, you both knew it. You were just so caught off guard by being caught, but you quickly snapped back. “You’d only know I was staring if you were too.” You smirked as his disappeared, knowing you had caught him too. He stayed silent, eyes flickering down to your chest as your breathing was still harsh from the practice earlier.

Your face flushed as his eyes drifted to your chest, “perv.” You climbed off of him and walked over to the bench, sitting down as you opened your water bottle. Bakugo stayed laid out on the matt, “the hell did you just call me?”

You shrugged, watching as he sat up from the floor and slowly got up. Your eyes drifted to his arms as his muscles flexed as he stretched, coated in sweat. “Yea and I’m the pervert.”

You rolled your eyes, and looked away. He walked over to the bench and stood way too close as he drank from his water bottle. You had your head down as you caught your breath, only looking up once Bakugo knocked his foot against your leg.

You looked up at him as you kicked him back, “quit.” He rolled his eyes and stuffed his other hand in his pocket, “go out with me.” Your eyes widened a bit, “huh?”

After Bakugo realized he liked you the other week he immediately began planning dates, sure you both didn’t get along great. But he wasn’t a pussy, he wasn’t going to just wait around until you said something. Plus he wanted to beat you at saying anything romantic knowing it’d piss you off.

“Go out on a date with me, fuckin’ idiot.” You furrowed your brows despite the blush that was appearing on your already flushed cheeks. “Fine.” You rolled your eyes as you looked back down, biting your lip to suppress a giddy smile.

Bakugo smirked, scoffing as he took another sip of his water. “Alright let’s run it again.”

navigation

[thesquid06]

After the war, I want the kids to rot.

I want them to fail living up to their purpose. I want elven society to look upon them with awe and disappointment.

I want them to feel the weight of heroism and ignore it. They may never recover their childhood but, maybe, they can enjoy the beginning of adulthood.

It would start with Sophie. She saved them, saved the entire elven society. So, they’ll ask er to join the council. The question will tear her apart until her family and friends convince her to say no.

She won’t know what to do with herself, how to be something other than the Moonlark. She can wonder her house, helping with the animals and finding who she is without her life in danger. Maybe she’ll pick up a book, find something interesting to research. Eventually she may rejoin the world of politics, with her own policies. She’ll find ways to incorporate even species, even humans.

Dex will go back to Slurps and Burps. Giggle with his dad as they make new medicines and watch his siblings become adults. He can make little technologies that improve their business. Eventually he’ll have an invention that is used in every household.

Biana will design the latest fashion. She never wanted to fight, this has been her dream her entire life.

Keefe will heal. Actually spend time to understand his abilities and utilize them in a way that does not destroy his soul. Maybe he’ll share his way with the younger generation, be the teacher children look up to. (Maybe become principle of Foxfire).

Tam and Linh will look upon their childhood experiences in sorrow. As adults they will learn forgiveness but will never forget what they have gone through. Tam will make sure no child grows up in a household like his own. He’ll teach them how to handle their emotions, work on finding safe homes for everyone. Linh will teach at Exillium. She’ll make it an education to be proud of.

They will all change the world in their own ways. It’s quieter, compared to what was expected, but full of honor. They will not be puppets to the council but learn how to separate from the past and become themselves.

(On a side note, I cannot picture Fitz being anything other than a councilor. I don’t know if he can move on from being the golden boy. But he will be so proud of what his friends and family have become. And he will be a councilor for the people, refusing to continue any ignorant ways)

[2demondogs]

I read your newest post and could you create a different version where they forgive each other and get together 😭 the ending was so painful to read

HAHA IM SORRYYYYYY NONNIE I always deliver on the angst what can I say /lh

Here is a self-indulgent version but he's still pathetic reader just matches his freak. Also the original for anyone uninitiated, took it up from where it turned sour.

Javier hears your voice for the first time in over a decade ordering at a saloon and he cannot move. Do you like Mexico? Where have you been? You're here, if he's not mistaken by that fake name (though you're a fool to reuse them) and the face (though you've aged) and the way you walk (though it's more confident). You're here, and Javier is suddenly very upset with himself because, even though he knows in his heart that none of it ever was about Dutch, he can't find the word traitor in his mouth.

It's been so long, you can't find it either. There's still hurt in you and maybe it has soured you just enough that you find yourself as weak to it as Javier. He looks every day of his age and then many more, and it pulls at something in you. You had hoped to grow old together. Here he is, and he has grown old without you.

Javier's still hopeless first and a romantic second. Being near you lets loose a decade of swallowed desperation that makes the right thing to do — turning on his heel, leaving — once again very difficult. He was given a second chance at life when Dutch found him those years ago, and here he is given a second chance at love. He'd be a fool not to take it.

So once again, he does not do the sensible thing. Instead, he buys you a shot and when you say his real name, he doesn't lie. You put your hand on your gun belt apprehensively, assuming he would want you dead, but that fear dwindles when he plucks your wrist away without so much as looking down. Javier still knows you like the back of his hand.

He hasn't changed, but this second chance might do it. He's different now, but there's too much familiarity in its ugliness. Javier used to be Javier, not just the things that he was made of. You have to admit that it softens you to see him broken and lost. You hadn't realized how lost you were yourself.

Still, you're both older, more hardened now. Javier curses himself for leaving when you part at the end of the night, so he doesn't let go when you run into each other the next week a town over. It proves to him that things are meant to be. It begins with keeping tabs on you — he's got the connections, now, plays the risky game of telling people he's concerned about your intentions — and ends with him trying and failing to convince you to work for the government alongside him.

You accuse of him of betraying his morals, and he agrees. Javier's working hard to keep some cognitive dissonance up, but at the end of the day, he goes where he has the best chance of survival. Eventually, his own desires will go numb enough to be at peace with it. You flare them up again. Javier wants like he hasn't wanted in years, and— well, he had never truly felt at home anywhere but with you. He still feels homesick. Maybe he can forget himself, for a while, if he goes where the wind takes you.

[veal-exe]

How easy it is to believe the current political landscape is permanent. That it’s only going to get worse. That maybe it’s already too late. I understand why that fear settles so deep into the bones. It’s not irrational. But it’s also not inevitable.

This moment we’re in feels endless because it’s loud and cruel and happening every single day, in small and large ways, on every level of society. But I don’t believe there is a single law or policy that cannot be undone. I don’t believe any of this is fixed in place. Not if we refuse to let it be. Laws can be overturned through democratic process or through violence. Systems can be changed through process or violence. Culture can be reshaped.

History has shown us this again and again.

We are not past the point of no return. But we are in a dangerous place. The next 4 to 8 years will be pivotal, and I genuinely believe we’ll see that reflected not just in voting trends, but in the tension rising between two very different visions of America. It probably won’t break along state lines. More likely, it’ll be a growing fracture between rural and urban, between institutional power and public resistance, between different factions of the military and intelligence communities. That’s not a call to paranoia. It’s just a reality we have to be honest about.

And in that reality, we can’t afford to tear each other apart. I know it’s tempting to lash out. I know how satisfying cruelty directed at a singular other person can feel when it’s aimed at someone finally realizing the truth you’ve known for years. But cruelty doesn’t build movements. It isolates. Even the people who are only just now turning away from fascism may be essential in the days to come. I’m not asking you to forget the harm some of them helped enable. I’m asking you to be strategic. Let people change. Let people come back.

You don’t have to forgive them, I never will, I will admittedly always deep in my heart know I want them dead. But I certainly don't have to say that to any one person face to face so to speak.

So, encourage the break when it happens. Encourage it without making it so humiliating that they retreat back into hate out of spite.

I think we will see change. I do. It won’t be easy or pretty. It will get worse before it gets better. But if we keep choosing each other, if we keep choosing action over apathy, I think something will give. Something always gives.

Vote in the midterms. Please. No matter what happens, vote. Vote like your life depends on it, because it probably does, and so does someone else’s. Especially if you're someone with privilege, vote like someone else's life depends on it, because it absolutely does. I don’t care what anyone says about voting not mattering or elections being futile. That kind of nihilism is exactly what got us here. That kind of nihilism helps the people who want you dead.

We can’t afford to throw up our hands. We can’t afford to disengage. Not now. Not when everything is still shifting and the damage, while vast, is still reversible.

It will take time. Maybe more time than some of us have. I’m terminally ill. I know what it means to accept that I may not see the future I’m fighting for. But that doesn’t mean I stop fighting. It means I trust others to carry it forward, I have hope that you will carry it forward.

It means I believe in the possibility of healing, even if I don’t get to feel it myself. That’s what hope looks like for me: a world that survives after I’m gone, with more humanity in it than the one I was born into and lived in.

I’m afraid. I’m not ashamed to say that. The next few years are going to be terrifying in ways we can’t yet predict. But fear doesn’t mean you stop. Fear means you learn how to hold the hand of someone beside you and keep walking anyway. Fear means you don’t let the path define your destination.

So no, this isn’t forever. Not unless we let it be.

And I for one do not plan on letting it be.

[sundriedworm]

‘A cliche story about the end of the world.’

Demo TBA

[Content warning]: This IF is intended for 18+ readers due to themes of depression, self-harm, violence, death, and potentially more as the story developes. Please read with care and take care of yourself above all!

It started with a wish…

Up above the rocky hills, the roaring oceans, deafening cities and isolated hills, a star shining in a brilliant white glow.

Growing up in the small town of Glass, you realized early on that the world tends to loop. Days blurring together, the same acts after the same acts that’d leave the years melting into one big glass of boredom. Add a dash of sugar and you get the small town experience.

Glasses of lemonade on hot days in the field, rough hands and scraped knees…

You play as a 22 year old, just released from a psych ward. Brittle and recovering just in time to go home to a father who you have a love/hate relationship with-you had hoped for a story of healing and reconnection.

That’s not the one you’re given…

You come home, leaving the safety of white walls and set schedules, leaving to face the chaos of the world-politics and disasters, and a newly discovered star that people claim is heading towards earth…a star that people claim is the first sign of the end of the world.

And for once in your long and hazy existence, do you see…feel…the evidence that times are indeed changing.

Stagnancy coming to an end…

With a bright bursting light and a taste of impossibility.

• Decide who you are; appearance, sexuality, hobbies, favorite color, star sign, and the chosen you made, that led to who you now are…

• Fall in love-or don’t, the choice is yours. Five romancable or befriendable characters.

• Create bonds that last (for whatever amount of time is left) whether that means friendships or animal friends, or yourself-that’s up to you…

•Deal with your grief in a multitude of ways; Bad humor, anger, or maybe just shrivel up into a ball and stay there.

• Learn to live again, and learn to love it

• Watch the world change

• Watch it crash…

• Watch it burn…

• And watch it end.

Sydney Moore; The Bleeding Heart.

Sydney was never one to make big plans, most of her life she hopped along, dragging all hopes and dreams with her. So it was no surprise that when her grandad called, she dropped everything in the city to move back to Glass. Caught up in the middle of the end, watching buildings crumble and humans turn to despair, Sydney grips the edges and holds them together, even if it threatens to be her undoing.

Diego Montoya; The Sunflower.

Diego hates Glass, in fact it’s the last place on earth he’d like to be. Not that he’d ever tell his father that, his dad’s pride is his own, and he is well aware that the farm he grew up on is like his father’s second child. Diego dreams of escape, but his roots keep him held down, and Diego is more than ready to face the burn of the sun-if it means keeping his dad happy. The event of the star bursting sends hope radiating through him, for once in his life he stares at the sun, his eyes shining just as bright…

Isaiah Locke: The Camellia

Isaiah bows his head every night, clenching fingers together, praying for forgiveness. For what? Perhaps just for being alive…because despite the polite exterior, the purity of clean clothes and a pearly white smile, Isaiah carries a darkness that the lord can’t merely ‘fix’. As his parents pride and joy, a miracle created by God’s hands himself, Isaiah has a certain standard, and he’s yet to see himself or any other meet it…When things grow messy, despair runs rampant, Isaiah feels himself being torn between reveling in it and searching for his savior..

Abigail Fox: The Forget-Me-Not.

Abigail never mastered the gesture of false smiles, her own always too sharp, too fake-even with pretty red lips. The drawl of sweet honey sounding more trapping than kind and hands that always were a bit too sharp. Being the image of perfection is no simple thing, and morality isn’t either-if given the chance, Abbey would let the world burn if it meant tasting the brief taste of freedom and recognization. Lost in a world no longer centered around her, she’s stumbling with the weight of responsibility, not even her bright eyes can guide her now…

???: The Ghost Pipe

To be at home, is the greatest wish…

I am not a professional writer! I’m often stumped on punctuation, I try to hard to be poetical (didn’t do too well in English class either). I’m writing this purely because I have far too many thoughts and far too much time on my hands.

(Also…I struggle with coding-so getting the demo out will not be easy 💀.)

I hope at least some of you are interested in what you see. If you could offer any (gentle) critique, I’d welcome it with open arms.

Thank you in advance <3

[mayasaurusss]

Transfem Jackie in the wilderness??

The feeling of you.

Contents: female reader, transfeminine Jackie, angst and comfort, internalized guilt, detailed descriptions of feelings, exploring themes of transexuality, 3rd point of view from Jackie's prespective, vanilla smut, gentlia described vaguely. Not really thought plot.

Words count: 7k/ about 12 pages

Author's note: As you read, this is a transfeminine Jackie oneshot. I wanted to explore themes of self hatred in many ways. Since I am not transexual, I based myself on the expereince someone in my life had to describe various moments in this oneshot. If this might be offensive to anyone, please dm me so I can edit this work. This is the first time in an oneshot where I write full on smut. This might not be very 'sexy' then, so forgive me for that. This oneshot contains vanilla-ish sex, so it might not be everyone's cup of tea. Anon, I'm sorry for the several months long wait, but I wanted to be sure to write something in character for Jackie.

To make reading easier: the italics are charcaters thoughts. First half is from Jackie's 3rd pow and second half (from smut onwards) reader's 3rd pov.

Enjoy everyone!

When you joined the Yellowjackets soccer team, you didn't expect to fall heads over heels with its capitan, Jackie Taylor.

It was a rainy November afternoon when you joined. You had seen Jackie walk around school from time to time, but have never interacted with her this close, for all it was worth, you didn't even know she was the soccer team captain. You joined the team some months after your best friend Vanessa did; she had insisted that it was fun and it would build up your confidence. So, you have joined.

Vanessa had talked about your frail character with Jackie before you joined, telling her that you were insecure in your abilities, so, after the coach had tested you, Jackie choosed to assign you the substitute position of right winger. So, you wouldn't have had to play all the time.

Right before you got introduced to the team, Jackie had talked with you. A look of worry was visible in your eyes and Jackie, even if she didn't know you all that well yet, was slightly worried. For you maybe, yes, but also that you could potentially be more of a burden to the team, if you didn't do well enough. After all, Jackie needs to have as many competent people in her team as she can. You need to grow more confident.

So, she had taken you by the arm and led you to a secluded place right outside of the field's entrance. Jackie had looked up at you and smiled kindly, "Well, are you ready to go?". You had felt incredibly scared and apprehensive that day but when you felt Jackie's hand lightly touch yours, trying to get you out of your head, you felt safe, seen.

That was the first instance of your feelings blooming for Jackie. At every game, she did not ever forget to encourage and praise you for your actions. Even when you didn't perform well, you knew Jackie would always be there to make you feel better.

To her surprise, a year after having joined the team, you were almost a completely different person. Confident, strong and willing to stand up for herself and others. Jackie did have to admit that your change was more than welcome. She could never say it out loud, but whenever she saw you in the changing room, her heart skipped a beat. Of course, Jackie had to maintain her reputation at school.

No one, besides her parents and Shauna, knew that Jackie wasn't who others thought she was. Since she was a child, she had felt like she was missing a core part of herself. It was when she met Shauna that everything changed: with her, Jackie had confessed her worries and secrets and in exchange, got the help to finally become her true self. Her parents weren't as supportive as she thought they were going to be. Sometimes, she saw her mothers sending glances in her direction, which she couldn't decipher as worry or disdain; but she didn't care.

In an attempt to finally convey that image she built of herself, upon entering her new school alongside Shauna, she had seduced Jeff, one of the guys she found less ugly. She wasn't able to fully explore herself before jumping hand in hand with him in the relationship.

The first time and only time she and Jeff have had sex, she didn't dare to make him look. Somewhat, she managed to create an excuse to not strip and only get him off. It was a rather boring and disappointing night. But she hadn't left him, in a way Jackie still felt some kind of odd feeling when she was with him. She couldn't tell if it was love.

This is why she couldn't show herself shy when she was near you. She couldn't risk her image, people would talk if they saw her behaving in a flirtatious way towards you, and Jeff would leave. She knew he was probably cheating on her, but as of right now, she couldn't worry less.

Jackie feels her mind slipping out of consciousness time and time again. She can vaguely feel what is happening near her, bodies bumping on her shoulder and light dimming lower and lower until, behind her eyelids, she can only stare back at the darkness.

Shauna wakes her up, and she's not sure she's completely herself at this point. Her body moves before her mind can process what's happening and just mere seconds later, she falls hard to the forest floor. Just as her cheek comes into hard contact with the naked soil, her mind registers what's happening. Jackie looks behind herself to see something that shakes her to the core and will for the years to come. People, her teammates flooding away from the main entrance of the plane, all gushing out like droplets of the leftover alcohol of the red cup she had drank from last night, at their last party.

Jackie struggles to get back to her feet, her legs giving just as she gets up. Shauna is there, she holds her and runs her fingers on her face, tracing over the bruise that has begun to form. She searches for your face among the others and finds you clutching at your left leg, a scar running down your hips.

Jackie's eyes follow as Shauna gets back into the plane and a feeling of dread fills her heart. She knows that if she doesn't help Shauna, her best friend will die. When she enters into the crashed death trap smoke fills her lungs and her vision. She searches for Shauna, finding her fiddling with something behind her shoulders. For a second she considers slapping Shauna, telling her that she's an idiot and taking her back, but when she hears Vanessa's desperate sobs her brain is filled with fear and horror and something akin to bravery. Her hands brace on either side of the seats and summoning a bravery she didn't know she had, along with Shauna, Jackie manages to open a window of opportunity for Van to slip out. Once the fresh air fills her lungs again and her brain is awake, Jackie searches for you.

Misty had hastily put together various bandages that ran down the entirety of your leg, blood already seeping out and darkening the cloth. Jackie can't even register that she has you in a death grip until she feels your chest moving on hers in an attempt to get more air in your lungs.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to- '' her words get cut off as you push into her, already wettering the neck of the blue and yellow jacket she wore. Your throat bobs and tears fall from your eyes ``I, I'm scared". Jackie holds you to her chest, sobs threatening to leave her body, "Me too".

The smell of fire and pine needles filled the air around you, the tall trees shielding your view of the night sky. Hours after the disaster, you were surprised to find yourself enjoying your teammates' jokes near the campfire. You would have expected to feel this happy in another situation, but there you were: laughing in the dark night with the corpses of your old friends already starting to decompose back into the deathtrap. Jackie had insisted on sitting near you along Shauna. She kept to herself, having to maintain that image of her authority. Maybe she could be the one aiding the team to take a stand against nature. But in the aftermath of saving Van she had let her selfishness surge again and had protested against her cleanser being used as a sanitizer. She didn't mean to, the words left her mouth before she could understand the gravity of the situation. This wasn't what she was prepared for, her mind wasn't prepared enough to survive, to see the lifeless bodies of her own friends burn and decompose under her eyes.

Jackie had gotten silent for some time and her mouth had tasted the tears that were threatening to fall, but when she had felt your touch linger on her hand, a feeling of calm panic had washed over her. Your eyes stared into hers, understanding, saying 'I feel you, I understand you' and her heart ached. The fear was still clawing at her heart but she tried to subdue it in favor of quietly looking at you, trying to breathe through the hurt. Unbeknownst to her, Shauna's envious eyes had watched the whole interaction with anger boiling over the surface.

That night, Jackie dreams. She dreams of the last game, the leather of the ball comes into hard contact with the white metal of the goal and bounces back away from her and the other team wins. She dreams of a world where she and Shauna are now in her room, sad and bitter, but not here. Not on a cold night. She dreams of a world where she comes back to Jeff, he comforts her by kissing her cheek and whispering sweet, fake nothings to her. She dreams of him finally admitting he cheated, of a world where after months of sadness and thought, she manages to confess the strange feelings she has whenever you're around. She dreams of your lips touching hers.

If only... if only she didn't score, maybe...maybe...

The morning had come by fast, a pale light shone down from the trees and greeted their painful awakening. Jakcie had fallen asleep the night prior cuddled between you and Shauna. All the team had cuddled closer during the night in an effort to maintain as much heat as possible. The soil was scattered with clothes, remaining junk food leftovers, branches and the mechanical remains of the plane. And when she woke up, Jackie had panicked. As quietly as possible she had begun to hyperventilate, the reality of the situation finally kicking in. In an effort to keep calm, to get comforted, Jackie hides her face into your chest and lets her tears fall freely. In your sleep, you cling onto her and for a split moment, her heart bursts out of her chest. It feels like her rib cage has suddenly tightened on her organs and her body has been set aflame. She couldn't feel like this. She shouldn't. And why with you of all people? Why you, and not Jeff? Why you, and not Shauna? What is in you that makes her poor heartache, even in the most desperates of situations? Nevertheless, Jackie allows herself to feel and falls right back asleep. Reality can wait for some time.

When the bodies had been buried and were beginning to dissolve into the earth, a heavy silence had weighted on the team shoulders. At least they could rest in peace, for the rest though only chaos was waiting. Jackie had never been so scared in her life. So, when Taissa shouted that she had seen a lake nearby, Jacki couldn't believe it. Or, more accurately, she was scared of leaving. What if the rescue team came just as they left? And what if they didn't find them? She couldn't afford to lead her team into another hazard. so, when almost all of the team agrees to go, Jackie feels betrayed. It's stupid and selfish but she does, especially when Shauna raises her hand in favor of leaving. Without too much thrust, Jackie follows. She steps away from Shauna and walks with you, helping you move your leg on the uneven forest floor.

When she spots the shore, a sense of wonder and happiness fills her for the first time in hours. With her help, you manage to speed up to the lake. There, a realization dawns on her. She hadn't told the others that she was 'different'. No one here except Shauna knew. What would they have thought of her? "Aren't you going in?" she heard your voice ask her. "Uh, I- I don't know..." she stammers out. Her eyes widen when she sees you changing out of your dirty clothes "Well, I'm going. Misty had said that the water might cleanse my wound, but she never talked about lake water" Jackie vaguely registered your response while her eyes were still trained on your figure. "I hope there aren't any germs there" you lose the branch that supported your uneven walk in favor of trying to get out of your pants.

"Hey Jackie... I know this is weird to ask, but can you help me out? I can't crouch low enough to pull them off" her heart skips a beat and almost automatically, she starts to undress you out of your pants. She's sure her cheeks are a bit more red than usual. "Ah, thank you. Are you sure you're not coming in?" she doesn't know, she isn't sure. But she so, so wants to be there with you. "Uh yeah just, just let me change and I'll be there".

Jackie's eyes follow as you dip into the water. Vaguely, she can feel her blood flow in her body faster than normal, but she dismisses it. When she nears on the shore, as quickly and as carefully as possible, Jackie strips out of her clothes and watches for any unwanted gaze. When the cold water crashes on her skin, her body begins to cool off and that thirst she felt has been quelled. Now she reaches you and guides you to deeper waters, careful to listen to any signs of discomfort from you.

That's how you spend the rest of the afternoon: splashing each other with water, resting on the rocky shores of the lake and gossipping. The everpresent eye of Shauna watching your every move. When Lottie had spotted something in the distance, everyone had been on the move, hoping to find a new shelter for the night. And they did. The cabin was decrepit. Its roof was slightly slanted, vines and vegetation covered the wooden walls; but it worked. It could work. When she entered, a smell of mold and old plants had hit her nose. She found a can of green beans and when attempting to open it, her hunger preceding the thought that maybe she could have preserved it, she was greeted with the sight of many greenish beans swimming in a gray pool of liquid.

On the other side of the room, some of the girls are checking out one of those old sex magazines. Natalie calls out to you "Hey look, this girl kinda looks like you" and right then and there, Jackie crumbles. "Nah, she doesn't look like me! You have a shitty sight Scatorccio '' the team's eyes all gather to one point in the page, some let out whistles while others comment on it. "So, are you like this gentlelady under your clothes?" Van jokingly teases you "Guess you'll have to discover it yourself". Despite thinking she's above this, Jackie steals a glance as she walks out. And it's true, that woman did look like you, despite some differences. And now, Jackie has to deal with yet another problem.

She feels her body shift without her wanting to and heat spreads through her lower abdomen, begging to be put out. She walks out of the door fast and follows a trail behind the cabin. There, she tries to calm down but to no avail, images of you fill her mind and she feels her shorts tighten. Jackie lets out a grunt of discomfort: the situation wasn't exactly the most comfortable one to 'rub one out'. She looks back at the cabin, it's far but still in view: maybe here she can take care of herself with no prying eyes watching.

Jackie slips out of her shorts and starts to palm at her length. She tries to think about Jeff, about Shauna, even about her celebrity crushes, but nothing works. Everything morphs into you. So, when she finally gives up and allows herself to fall into your image, she finds that her body is already at the brink of release. She feels your hands stroking her skin, the tension releases out of her shoulders and your voice whispers reassurances in her ear. "Let it go" and she falls from her high, her legs give out and the skin meets the hard ground. Her gaze falls to her hand. Oh god, what have I done?

The afternoon lights had started to shine through the trees. After taking care of her little problem, Jackie had come back and sat on the wooden porch at the side of the cabin. This can't be real. It can't, right? Her heart aches far more than she realized. She doesn't belong here. She is angry, sad and terrified. This isn't real.

Regret, both for the plane crash and for what she had just done. Did she really jerk off to a friend in the middle of the forest, right after what happened? God, how could she be so disgusting? So careless? People died and all she could think about was fulfilling her own needs. Like always Jackie, you always have to be the center of attention. You couldn't even let your teammates have a peaceful rest, you just had to think about yourself huh? Can you even feel something, anything for others? Do you have anyone else in your mind except yourself?This just shows the utter scum of a person you really are. You waste.

Back at home, everyone always counted on her. She was the voice of reason, the one person who could bring different people together under one team. She had been the one to create the Yellowjackets, to care for them, to nourish them. She knew she was selfish, selfish and stupid, but she really tried. Jackie didn't mean to be this much of a fucking liability, but she couldn't help it. This place, these people, did they even think of her as an equal? Or did most of them fake their appreciation for her? She didn't mean to be a bother, trying to fix the old music player instead of doing the chores, but she needed desperately to not think. Please, for the love of God, get me out of here.

Days, months have passed and winter starts to tighten its cold hands on the Yellowjackets. All of them know. When winter comes, they might die. Every night, the last breeze of autumn comes knocking on the door in the form of the Grim Reaper, begging to be let in. To join the fun. For how much their determination is worth, nature has a sick way of playing with its prey.

They don't have to think.

That's why Jackie had hosted a seance in summer, to distract them. And that's why she decides to host a Doom Coming. Death is already at the door, so why not having fun in the last few weeks of their lives? And her life is just a mess. Jackie feels as if all of the world's faults weigh down on her shoulders. She's sad, bitter and angry: sad for Laura Lee and her unfair death, bitter at Shauna and Jeff, and angry at the world.

Finally, night has fallen. The sun is lowering down the horizon, the cold air nipping at the skin, but she tried to ignore it. The camp smells of leaves, fire and earth. It's almost calming. Laughs and wind and fire crackling fill her ears. Jackie sits on a log which acts as a stool and closes her eyes.

Right now, when everyone is partying, she allows herself to be vulnerable. In the months following the summer, Jackie had come to care less and less about what others might have thought about her if her secret came to be known. So her facade had finally started to crumble.

Jackie sat on the log, her legs spreading far apart, her back hunched and with her face in her hands. She knew the others would look at her and make fun or feel sorry for her, but right now she didn't care too much. A quiet whine left her body and trickles of tears staining her cheeks. Something moves at her right side and she jumps up to see you holding two makeshift wooden bowls. "Hey, thought of giving you this. You haven't eaten at all".

Maybe she doesn't want to. Maybe Jackie would rather die, her body to be eaten by the people she loved most and then dissolve into the earth, broken apart by nature and scattered like a constellation. "I... I am fine" she mutters into her hands, trying to mask her sobs.

"But you're not Jackie. You're so not fine; don't you think I can see that?" she's taken aback by your teary eyes burning a hole through her heart. You push the tears back in and hand her the warm bowl of soup. "I am scared too, Jackie. We all are. But at least, just before the end...won't you try to be happy?" and you know that asking her this is stupid and pathetic, but you too need to push reality away. And Jackie doesn't have enough strength to deny you. "...You're right", she takes the makeshift wooden spoon and dips it into the brownish soup. She lets the earthy flavors fill her mouth. "This isn't half as bad as I thought it would be'' Jackie smiles as she sets the bowl down. A giggle leaves your lips as you stand up, your legs feel wobbly and your skin starts to feel uncomfortably hot. "Say... you wouldn't want to have... a dance with me, would you?" words slurred, you try to pry Jackie out of her log and she happily complies.

Jackie feels strange. She isn't in total control of her body, her mind is foggy, her body moves slowly and lazily. She looks at you with lovey dovey eyes, as if you are a goddess on earth who came to relieve her of her pain. She doesn't even care that Mari's and Alikah's eyes are on both of you; as of right now Jackie only sees you. But now her mind is playing tricks on her: she sees you on her bed, naked.

"W-what?" and now that discomfort is back again, twirling inside of her stomach. "What is it?" Jackie can only feel her body stiffen once again, swaying 'Uhhh shit'. "I- I, don't worry!" but you insist with that look on your face that she can't resist. "What? What is it? Are you feeling ill?".

Shit!. "N-no I-" it's almost like her brain can't form any coherent thought anymore. Why? Why now?!, you get closer to her, an inch from her ear "Do you need something?" God damn it. "I need to- I need-" Jackie stops dead in her tracks as she feels your leg accidentally pressing on her groin. Shit! No! No, no, no! Why?! What is wrong with you?

You look down to see something puffing under her dress. What the heck was she hiding there?. It takes you a moment to understand what it really is, and when you do, you let out a small 'ohh' of understanding.

"Do you have something to tell me?" and Jackie feels embarrassed: embarrassed, guilty and disgusting. How could she have those kinds of thoughts for a friend? She's no better than Jeff, she's no better than them. "I am so, so, so sorry please, please I' didn't mean to-' ' you cut off Jackie with a shush, take her hand into yours and guide her in the forest.

You lead Jackie through low tree branches and vines, through bushes and dirt until you stumble in a beautiful clearing. Hidden between the thick branches of the pine trees, away from the cabin, the uneven forest floor becomes flat, the trees give away to green grass and moss and flowers. On the way, Jackie had noticed strange scrapes on the trees, like a knife had cut through the bark.

"This is where I come when I'm overwhelmed. I found it while having lost myself after going to get the water. You remember that day I didn't come to the cabin after dark?" Jackie nods, waiting for your voice again "I actually had been walking on circles, some feets away from the cabin I took the wrong turn and ended up in the wrong place, here." From your pocket, you fish out a small cutting knife, an old candle and a couple of matches you had stolen from Dead Guy's stash. "Luckily, I had this with me" you gesture to the knife, "If I hadn't, I'm not sure I could have come back". You let your things fall to the base of a tree, forgotten. "So," you say as you sit down and pat the ground next to you "mind explaining what that was?".

Jackie feels as if her blood had become ice cold; she's terrified, so much so that she's stiff and can't bring herself to sit near you. "Come here" she awkwardly lets herself lay on the ground with her legs tucked under her body and away from you.

"I- I am..." throat closing in on her words, she takes a breath and gathers all the courage she has left in her heart "I wasn't happy once. Before. I didn't realized it once, Shauna helped me understand. Sometimes I faked begin happy just to see the people near me happy. To see my parents happy. But once I started to put my own happiness before, I understood". Jackie feels as if a block of ice got stuck in her throat and it's preventing her from speaking clearly.

"For the time we have left, I will continue begin myself. I- I don't care what others think of me" and maybe that last part was a lie, maybe she does care. Every human need reassurance. But when she says that, she's looking directly into your eyes, with determination. A smile graces your lips and Jackie feels as if she has died for a moment and her soul reached heaven "I understand you" which is far better than any 'okays or 'alright's she has gotten so far. "Y-you do? I thought, I thought you would be... grossed out", silence fills the air and Jackie's breath hitches, waiting for the final blow at her heart. "You could never 'gross me out' Jackie, why did you even thought about that?"

"I really thought that you might-" Jackie's words die engulfed in your arm, her head cradled on you, "You are safe with me". Something in her, a cage, breaks into million shining pieces and lets her heart beat red blood into her flesh. Jackie feels as if the old cruel world broke and left space for a new, shining future, one she shares with you. She weeps into your shoulder, finally understood, happy, euphoric, free from her own self and from the world's expectations.

You let her weep into you for some time, the sky's color changes from the purple and orange evening glow to a light cobalt, the stars already starting to show.

"Now, I want to ask you something else..." your cheeks feel suddenly hotter, thighs closing in on themselves. Jackie listens to you, and you're suddenly very interested on your hands. "That... thing that happened back there... why? Why did it happen while we were dancing?". Ohh shiiit.

Jackie feels sick. A ball of nausea forms in the deepest parts of her stomach and reaches out to her mouth. For a second, she feels like she will throw up. "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry I forgot, I-" and now, emotions and feelings of the past months come crashing down on her heart. And when she parts her lips, it is too late to stop.

"I... like you. I do. I've felt like this for a while now. Back there I don't- I don't know why I felt like that and why it happened, but t-that's not like me at all! I- I am-" but the silence that follows is enough for Jackie to stop. Right then and there, she knows she has lost you. "I should probably go..." she says to you; Jackie's muscles move to follow her torso but your arms hug her shoulders before she can escape you. For a moment she's confused and almost thinks an animal might have tackled her to the ground, but when she feels your touch on her cheeks, peace fills her heart. You lightly trace her small skin marks under her eyes and lean down to kiss her. In her eyes billions of stars shine and in her heart, billions of stars explode. Her body is lighter, almost made of condensed air. It almost feels like a sin when she touches your hand: like if her fingertips could dirty the beautiful soul in front of her. "I want you too" you say to her, a whisper. Now she truly is gone.

Jackie kisses you back with a passion you didn't know she had in her. Everything is forgotten: the dirt of the soil, the rotten cabin, the looks of the others, the touches of Jeff, the desire for Shauna, the desire to run from the world. Here and now, Jackie is at peace. Finally at peace, after months of hardship. Her heart beats and her blood runs, and she's happy. So, so very happy.

When you leave the kiss, Jackie feels lightheaded. A dark feeling inside of her screams to stay, to take, to devour. She takes you right back into her arms, clinging to you so hard that you're sure your bones will snap. The kiss becomes raw, hungry and dangerous; all lips and tongue and teeth. Her hand cradles the back of your head and with the free hand, she claws at your shirt. There is a feeling blooming inside her groin and stomach; she wants to devour and be devoured. You get rid of your clothes and discard them aside. Now Jackie can see you in all your beauty, skin shaded by the blue evening night.

It's getting dark.

"Maybe, maybe we shouldn't..." Jackie whispers in your mouth but makes no effort to stop. Your hands find her soft skin, you cradle her head upwards facing you, "Let morning come". Your hands find Jackie's skin underneath her dress and her breath stops, she tries to gulp down air in her lungs but they feel tight. Your hands are just so soft and she feels so good, so right here with you. For the first time in a while, she doesn't have to be in charge of anything. For the first time, she can be her whole, broken self without needing to be something she's not. With a trembling voice, Jackie asks you to help her out of her dress. The cold air hits Jackie all at once, making her shiver but she is too caught up in you to care. As soon as the dress is off her hands are already on your skin, touching wherever they could. "I- I want to..." but she couldn't find in herself the strength to say what she wanted, needed to do. Instead, Jackie decided to crash her lips into yours again and rest her hand on your back, atop the clasps of your bra, a silent request. The dizziness of before had almost worn off by the time you were bare before her. A breathy sigh left Jackie's lips "Wowza...", you couldn't help but let out a giggle "Really? 'Wowza'?".

"What?! I couldn't help it..." her words trail off when her gaze falls to your chest. Fingers come down on you, caressing and touching and groping at every inch of skin she finds. She props you up on her lap, trying to relive the pain of her hardness starting to show. It's almost embarrassing how desperate she is, her cheeks are flushed red, her eyes unfocused and watery. Jackie's lips circle your nipple, biting and licking and sucking and tugging at your skin. Jackie's length gets harder and hard by the minute, for every time her name falls off your lips. All the uncomfortable and guilt has gone, leaving behind something dark and primal. She starts to hump on your ass while continuing to suck on you. "Oh, I see someone is eager" and all that confidence she had goes right out of the window, her sober self comes out more embarrassed than before "Oh- gosh I'm-I am sor-" but she is shut down by your grinding down on her. "Who said you could lead tonight?".

Oh shit I'm so into this.

"N-no one..." her voice came out shaking with excitement, the prospect of the night and all the scenarios playing out in her head.

"That's right, you deserve a break" not as sexy as she would have wanted, but this is fine too. More than fine. She was tired of feigning leadership. Your hands fiddle with the waistband of her underwear, feeling around the skin of her waist. This feels like a torture to Jackie. "Please, I-..." she meets your hands and tries to grind into you. As teasing as ever, your touch skims right on her thighs, squeezing and stroking her skin. "Tsk, I thought you wanted to be taken care of. Maybe I should stop?".

"N-no! No, please I will be good I promise". Jackie settles back against the earth, her puppy eyes looking up at you with the fear that you won't touch her anymore. "That's what I wanted to hear". Finally your fingers dip under her waistband and pull, freeing her after what felt like an eternity. Now, the both of you are bare against each other. "What do you want me to do, Jackie?" after some thought, Jackie says, "I... I want to taste you... Please....".

Now you take her place, laying down on the earth. Jackie watches you with adoration while her fingers start to travel downwards. Her fingers part your legs and she kisses the skin of your thighs, just mere inches away from where you need her the most. You whisper her name, wanting her to get on with it, to please you. At that, Jackie dips into you. After months of desire, it feels like heaven on earth. Her fingers tease your clit, circling it multiple times before moving down. But you're not prepared enough for the intrusion. So, Jackie starts to suck on you. She's so attentive and shy it makes you want to cry. You ground on her face and hear her letting out a whimper, she's getting pleasure from this too. When you are wet enough, Jackie's ring finger teases your opening and enters. You have already done this before, but it pales in comparison on how Jackie is making you feel. Almost like a shock running through your body and a wildfire spreading in your limbs. And you are sure that if Jackie continues, you will combust on the spot. Finger flicking your nipples, tongue occasionally joins her fingers to lick up your slit, eyes always fixated on your face twisted in pleasure. You look under her to see her free hand stroking her length quickly, white wetness dripping from it. "I- I am about to..." but your words die in your throat. When Jackie comes up again, the lower part of her face is covered in your release, she's still stroking herself. "Please, please I need it, I need it" she continued as she came closer to you. "What do you need Jackie?" she whimpers, desperately humping into her hand "y-you please. Your... mouth".

You smile at her, reaching to tease her length but just a few movements of your hand are enough to send her over the edge. Jackie gasps when she comes undone, her hands tightening over your shoulder. "O-Oh God I, I usually last way more than this..." you snort at her, "Hm? Way more?". Her brows are furrowed, cheeks red with embarrassment "...ok, a bit more". You decide to stop teasing her and reach down, sucking the last drops of her release. Her moans encourage you to get on top of her, legs straddling her hips on both sides. Slowly, you began grinding down on her.

"Oh... I like this'' Jackie moans in your mouth, hands exploring every inch of your skin. After what feels like an eternity, you line up Jackie's lengt with your slit, sliding it from under you on purpose and meeting her hips. "Please... stop teasing..." she lets out a grunt, her hands rest steady on your hips and she begins to drag you down on her. You like this double sided version of Jackie. All her dominance goes straight out of the window when she enters you. It takes an unholy amount of strength for Jackie to not start pounding in you, and to keep herself from coming too fast. She pants as if she's shoulder deep inside a pool of cold water, shaky. It's the first time she has reacted this way to having sex. Usually, she could keep a cool, passionate demeanor but she's so excited to do this with you. It feels different from any other casual sex encounters she had.

You still above her. She has reached the deepest point she could, cuddled between dark and hot and wet. It feels too much to you and you rest your head on her shoulders, trying to catch your breath. She is so delicate with you, whispering sweet encouragements on how -"you take me so well", "You can do it" and "I like you so, so much"-. You're the one that starts to move, surprising Jackie who was still in the middle of her praise. Her breath hitches when she feels you move on her, slowly and methodically taking her to the tip and all the way back. This is perfect.

You rest your hands on her shoulder and hers rest on your hips, guiding you back and forth on her. The grip is tight enough that you can feel your skin bruise under her touch. "Fas-faster please..." you try to comply, bouncing on her faster than before, but your legs feel wobbly and uncertain. When she sees that you can't go any faster, Jackie trusts up into you and meets your hips with force, bouncing you up and down. "I-I'm sorry I' can't go slower..." it feels so good you can't really complain about it. Now you have regained enough strength to meet Jackie halfway, both of you lost in a frenzy of pleasure. She's loud, almost yelling and in the back of your mind, you are terrified someone might come and take a look, but another part of you is thrilled at the prospect of begin found out. You are a bit shocked when Jackie's hand comes down on your ass, but you don't complain. If someone walked past you, they would immediately understand what was happening.

The only sounds that can be heard in the forest are your whimpers, moans, the slapping of skin, wind and chirping and, a little farther, yelling and rabid howls of creatures that resemble humans. But that is not important right now. Your minds are too lost in pleasure to think that, in the dark corners of the night, something could wait for the chance to pounce on you.

Jackie starts to move faster than you can keep up. She moves so you lay your back against the dirt and face her. She brings your leg up and opens the space between your thighs more, allowing herself easier access. She begins to pound into you, faster and harder and sloppier than before. She has no rhythm left, no care, only pleasure and the need to relieve both herself and you in her mind. She grabs your leg hard, not letting go in fear that if she does, you might vanish into thin air. "I am close, I am gonna-" she doesn't want to cum, not right now: this moment should last forever. But she can't hold herself back anymore.

From the dark, a pair of brown eyes had spied on the both of you. Shauna was hungry and her hunger was so grand that it made her vision, her brain and the world around her blurry. She was chasing Travis, along the others but had been left behind when she heard sounds coming from behind some bushes. Her mouth had watered thinking it could be an animal but she got let down when she realized the sounds were coming from you. Her initial shock had been replaced by annoyance. She had so hoped to get something beneath her teeth, but to no avail. Then, hate had bubbled its way through her veins and into her heart. She hated you at that moment. The both of you. Shauna couldn't understand if she wanted to be with Jackie or in between you two. Sure, she thought of Jackie before, during the night hours but she hadn't dared to make the first move. And then, when Jackie had gotten with Jeff, she was hellbent on having all of her. She did realize that there was something sparking between the two of you after the first few games, but she kept quiet. She imagined herself, between bodies. Skin and sweat and kisses. She thought of taking Jackie's while kissing you, of guiding your head down, of bending Jackie over and-. Her stomach growled. It was loud enough she could clearly hear it, but not enough for you two to get suspicious of anything. That fantasy of hers would never happen. She retreated back into the dark.

Jackie is moving fast against you, hips slapping repeatedly up on yours and hands reaching every little bit of skin she can. From deep inside her groin, she feels something snap. She's not gentle with you anymore. Something raw and angry has taken control over her brain. Jackie slipped out of you and snuck behind, her arm lifting up your leg before entering once again. In this position she can reach deeper and move faster. She's being too hard on you. A scowl appears on her face when you try to slow her down by slipping from her grasp, "You- you will, you will stay here a-and take-" growling, her fingers grip at your flesh again, harder this time.

A knot snaps inside your guts and without managing to yell a warning, you release on Jackie's. She feels you dripping down on her. Your coming prompts her to do the same: Jackie gives a final long and hard thrust and leaves you empty, releasing on the soil.

She falls on top of you, spent "O-oh wowza. That... that felt amazing". You laugh at her "Again, 'wowza'?! It's not sexy Jackie" she mumbled something back at you and then hid her face in the crook of your neck. You're silent, now left with the remnants of your lovemaking and the constant presence of death looming over you. A faint trace of cold is coming out of the earth and down on you. "What do we do now?" she asks, embracing and shivering against you "Did- did we do something bad? What's gonna happen now? We will all still die-" her voice hitches. She's crying: tears fall down your skin as she nuzzles on it. You take her hand, tracing patterns on it, "We will manage".

Days later, when Jackie finally confronts Shauna, secrets get spilled. Of affairs, of grudges that lasted years, even of your lovemaking with Jackie. She had stormed out of the cabin: just like she feared, everyone had turned on her. Jackie watches the fire, cold seeping in her bones and her mind getting groggy. Shauna walks to Jackie, hand embracing her best friend's back. "Come inside" you say, your features and voice replacing Shauna's. In the back of her mind Jackie wants to preserve her dignity: walking back into the house would mean to admit that she had lost the argument; but staying out here could kill her. Jackie follows you, gripping at your arm tightly. Everyone is asleep; you lead her to rest on one open spot near the fire, finally hugging her cold body to yours. "Rest easy" and she doesn't need to be told twice, falling asleep right away in your arms. Next morning, it was snowing.

[nights-at-crystarium]

While I'm ancient-trio-posting, wanna hear a bit about their dynamic?

Hythlodaeus and Hades are old friends, roommates, even. A genuinely mature, established couple. I haven't really thought too far back in time yet, so maybe childhood friends to lovers because no one else in my story has this trope yet. I leave it open-ended for now. What matters is that they're very chill and stable together.

Azem, not-yet-Azem but a mere apprentice of Venat, has a certain secret, harmless to the world, but potentially ranging from laughable, cringy, personally embarrassing to legally punishable, should it be brought in front of the Convocation, like all lies it's doomed to be revealed in time, he already hangs out with one of the Big People and there are talks about Venat's retirement, our little not-yet-Azem feels like he might get recommended, and must find help with his silly secret before that.

Hythlodaeus, Chief of the Bureau of the Architect, has ever been kind and patient with not-yet-Azem's concept submissions, and generally seems like a reliable and open-minded person, so our guy asks for his advice on the matter. Of course he isn't let down, the nitty gritty of it I'll leave for later. The important part: he and Hyth grow closer, and Hades, already being joined at the hip with Hyth, is in on the secret as well. It's just a vulnerability that I use as a means to win over Hades's heart. Be genuine, beg for his help, rely on him, and he's yours.

Venat retires, the new Azem takes the seat, his secret's safe/resolved (forget about it, it's played its role of the glue for our trio), things are chill for a while, the trio grows into a proper throuple, Hades is recommended for the seat of Emet-Selch by both his lovers, but by Azem most ardently (and selfishly: he feels like a white crow among the Convocation and wants another freak on the team. Hades finds it sweet though).

The status quo moves to the known canon where Azem travels a lot, sometimes summons his buddies to his side, he tends to disappear from Amaurot for weeks and months on end, Hyth and Hades are left to themselves, seemingly things are the same as they've always been, but the joy of reuniting with their wayward lover, and the pining when he's gone, is bigger in Hades than Hyth. Of course they, the two mature people holding hands from the beginning of times, don't discuss this.

Azem may not even realize what he's doing- well, ain't that most azems in a nutshell. He just exists, loves his partners, shines for them with equal warmth like sun. It's not that Hyth doesn't like being sunkissed, no, it's Hades who gets a bit too excited, tries to mask that however he can, perhaps HythHades pretend that nothing's changed, but, yknow, subtle cracks. Hades's heart grows more fond due to the time and distance that separate them so often. Of course he's terrified and he sees what this does to the balance of their poly, it's not welcome, but it won't go away.

Enter Hyth's self-esteem issues, and how neatly that weaves into his following sacrifice to bring forth Zodiark. Even though Azem's nowhere to be seen, it's fine, he'll return, it's just a tantrum, the Convocation will forgive him, Hades will be left in good hands, he and Azem seem to be happier without Hyth anyway. (no, no, no, no-) Of course, the latter's left unsaid, only a smile on display and vague words of affirmation for the shellshocked Hades.

Through the sacrifice Hyth drives up his value. He's forever important to Hades now, forever on his mind, his guiding star. I view Hyth's selfless act as selfish too (just as Raha's but he isn't relevant here), a desperate act of a soul not only loving, but desperate for love. Hyth gets what he wanted. In a fucked up way, he's happier as a part of the moon. He never has to contend with the sun again.

[archivalofsins]

I do have thoughts on how the situation between Mu and Haruka is being discussed.

I believe it's a bit disingenuous to behave as though Mu didn't know Haruka was getting worse and I just want to lay out why it is I feel that way. To be frank it simply doesn't align with anything we heard from Mu in her second voice drama or the things she was displayed as saying and doing within the Portal Timeline. As I am a petty individual I would say it's a stretch of canon to say she did anything other than what she said she'd do.

Which was nothing but support Haruka in his choice as his friend,

Mu Queen B 13:16

"Isn't it exactly because he's my friend? isn't friendship about letting your friends do the stuff they want?"

Though let's go a bit further back for a second how do we know that Mu was aware Haruka was planning to do something that would end his life? Well because she told us and she told us a good while ago in fact,

Mu Queen B 12:36s,

"Ah, but if you don't forgive me Haruka-kun will die. So, I think it'd be best not to do that." ...! [bell tolls] So you've heard about that nonsense too? "Mhm. Haruka-kun told me."

Literally her saying that last thing should be the nail in the coffin for presenting this situation as something Mu wasn't aware of. Because she was told by Haruka himself that if she was voted Guilty he would do lethal harm to himself. This is the first reason why I believe anyone behaving as though there is any chance Mu did not know Haruka planned to do this is either acting dishonestly or simply has not been paying attention.

Well, Gunsli maybe she knew he planned to harm himself but she didn't know how he was going to do it. Haruka didn't even know himself yet he was still trying to figure it out. That's fair. However, Mu still could have told the other prisoners that Haruka planned to do harm to himself just to be safe if she didn't want him to do that or just told him she didn't want him to do that. I guess that's neither here or there though.

Let's just keep walking down this-

Wow; I literally can't even say this is a road, bridge or anything someone is meant to walk on... What the fuck is this? Alright. This imaginary pathway certain people insist on telling those around them really exists despite it not aligning with anything that has occurred thus far. Yeah, I'll believe for a second this is the case and Mu just didn't know even though Haruka told her he would end his life if she was guilty and she would be the first to know if she was guilty.

Not even touching on the landmine of how Haruka would find out she was guilty to begin with. It was possibly when they were restrained after the verdicts but he implies he knew earlier than that when they're talking in the timeline on his birthday in 2023.

Still forgetting all of that maybe Mu didn't know how Haruka would do it.

She still knew he had the intent to harm himself and what her verdict was to her own admission. Then did nothing to even try to dissuade him from harming himself over the course of the portal timeline,

Trial Three Website Voice Lines

2: "You said you’d forgive me. You told me that you would forgive me! Just changing what you think on a whim, you really are the worst." 4: "What are you going to do about this? Haruka-kun died. Hey, guard. You knew this would happen, right?""

"Ah, but if you don't forgive me Haruka-kun will die. So, I think it'd be best not to do that."

The first time she brought him food she even stated that he had to eat it properly meaning she recognized he was not eating and persisted in telling people she had it handled anyway and that he was fine,

23/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: Haruka-kun, I brought your food. Are you still alive? Has any mould started growing? Haruka: ……ah, thank you very much. Mu-san. Sorry, um…… I…… Mu: You shouldn’t just lock yourself in your room all day. You have to eat your food properly. Hm, well…… I do understand why you’re feeling down. It feels bad. The atmosphere recently Haruka: Um, I’m totally fine…… Just a bit, I’m thinking, about how to do it. What to do, what to do, to…… fulfil my promise. For Mu-san’s sake……

So, even the fact that he was not eating properly was something she knew long before any of the other prisoners or even us as the audience knew.

Hell, in this timeline Haruka brings up that he's thinking about how to do it. How to end his own life to keep his promise to her and she says nothing to dissuade him from it. While knowing full and well what he's talking about because again she told us he told her.

"Mhm. Haruka-kun told me."

These are the facts from her own mouth.

This is the sequence of events. I do not believe this is a difficult set of circumstances to follow or look into but they are easy things for people to purposely misconstrue. In a way that I can only consider to be an attempt to make Mu sound more considerate than her actions and own words display her as being.

Hell I know for certain that some overzealous individual is going to get in their feelings and go,

"Well Jackalope said in the trial three commencement notice that Mu has trouble putting her emotions into words. He said 'She doesn’t know where or what her feelings are. She just lacks the skills to put them into words, but a human such as she, is quite complicated.'. Maybe this means Mu really did care about Haruka and just didn't know the proper way to express that or how to handle the situation."

One I'm not arguing against that.

I am however arguing what does that have to do with Haruka dying and the words she did say throughout the entire time he was slowly wasting away in his cell from starvation? Like I don't care about how she's feeling about it now when all is said and done. Because while Haruka was starving himself she was having people praise her for bringing him food she knew he wasn't eating?

Because again the first time she brought the food to him she verbally noted he was not eating properly. So the timeline and again Mu's own statements portray that she was aware Haruka was not eating from the onset.

Yet, continued to tell people things such as,

"I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me?" - [Milgram Portal Timeline-23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)] "I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me?" - [Milgram Portal Timeline- 24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)]

However a lot of people want to spin it as though Mu went through something just as tragic as what Yuno went through.

That she spent months trying to do right by someone and help them get better just to have them die.

It's a pretty easy story to want to spin for Mu's character. Especially when the parties telling it have a vested interest in ignoring certain information. Simply because they want to see the best in someone to validate themselves regardless of how that someone has consistently behaved.

Even her saying you have to eat has been twisted around to say she was telling him to eat so she was really trying to help him and tell him not to do this through saying that. This was her showing concern for Haruka. When what it is- Is definitive proof that while no one else knew Haruka wasn't eating until they found him starved to death or near starved to death Mu did know.

How could she not have known.

She was bringing him food everyday. She saw him every day. Starvation isn't something that can go unnoticed. People will literally lose weight. They will get thinner. There's no way to starve gracefully. Heck it's not even that difficult to tell when someone isn't eating their food.

Definitely not in Mu's case because again it is something she noted he was not doing on June 22, 2023,

"You have to eat your food properly."

Mu Kusunoki to Haruka Sakurai on June 22, 2023 far long before he starved to death.

Now logistically what could she have done? It's not like she could have forced him to eat. What could she have done outside of saying hey you should eat properly?

Well you see there's this thing called an intervention. There's this thing called telling people there's a problem. There's this thing called when multiple people give someone the opportunity to tell them that something is going wrong and another person needs help far beyond what they can provide doing that.

Something Mu was given chances to do but decided to instead assure people that Haruka was fine and she was taking him his food every day. Stating and implying to them that he's being taken care of and eating properly through her statements. Because she's showing them the food, the plates, and saying this is what she's doing.

Why would they not believe her?

Now there's discussions around the fact that anyone within Milgram could have taken some time to go into Haruka's cell and check on them their selves. However, that takes us back to Mu as well because Futa and Shidou asked Mu if Haruka was alright because she was going there every day and they may not have wanted to barge into Haruka's space. This is just a polite thing to do. Since Mu assured them that he was in fact fine and look he's eating see I just took him this then possibly showed them an eaten plate of food-

What the fuck were they supposed to do? Go,

"LIAR- He's starving himself in there isn't he?!"

Shove Mu to the ground barge into Haruka's room and go,

"Haruka we're here to save you this is an intervention. You will have three meals a day like the rest of us and water. Then we will walk daily and start you on communications counseling because this isn't healthy physically or mentally. Kajiyama grab his legs we're taking him to the dining hall."

And force fed him like Curly is Mouthwashing. No, that would be wild. Just believe her. The fuck why would they not believe her? Fuck I would have believed her too. Like okay I believe you that's your friend. The fuck you gotta lie for. If you say you're taking him food then I believe you and I have other things to do but if this continues I'll go in there to check myself eventually.

At the end of the day she knew Haruka wasn't eating she noted that. All to then not get anyone to intervene or help in any way. In fact she assured people time and time again even after Haruka was probably dead that he was fine.

23/07/05 (Mu’s Birthday)

Futa: Oi, you. Is he ok? He’s not even left his room lately. Mu: You mean Haruka-kun? Hmm. Yeah, probably. I’ve been bringing all his meals to him so he should be fine. Isn’t that great of me? Futa: Hah? Who the hell says that sort of thing about themself. ……ah, no, well, right now I understand a bit. When you’re feeling down, it’s nice to have someone who relies on you and accepts you. The rest of us can’t really understand you from where we’re standing. But well, if you’re Haruka’s “salvation” then I guess it really is great. Mu: Salvation……? I don’t know what you mean. Futa-kun, you don’t sound like yourself. Did you hit your head or something? Oh, wait, you actually did, didn’t you. Ahaha. Ah, putting that aside though, did you know it’s my birthday today?

24/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Shidou: ……I’m worried about Sakurai-kun. I haven’t seen him around in a while. You’ve been talking with him, right? Mu: He’s fine. Here, look. I’ve been taking his food to him like this every day. Isn’t that great of me? Shidou: Yes, very. I’m sorry I’ve been leaving it to you to look after him. Usually, that would be the job of us adults, and yet we’re leaving you with the burden. Mu: Don’t worry about it. After all, me and Haruka-kun are friends.

Something that goes straight back to what Mu said she would do in regards to Haruka threatening his own life. Again it's not Mu's fault he's dead I don't consider suicide murder and neither does Milgram. Haruka choose to take himself out and that's a choice I've gotta respect. Nobody forced him to make that threat or follow through on it.

Yet no one stopped him either. Milgram, Es, the audience or Mu. None of those things stopped him from doing that or even attempted to.

Mu's defenders can't have their cake and eat it too. They can't say it's the audience fault for not voting Mu innocent and stopping Haruka because Mu didn't stop Haruka either.

Like Mu said,

Mu Queen B 13:05s

You know about it and you're not trying to stop him? Haruka, that is?

"Why would I?"

"Haruka-kun says that's what he wants, so there's nothing I can do, right?" But you're calling him your friend.

Yeah Mu, you're right. That's what Haruka wanted to attach his life to and die for. Nothing we could've done about it. Es didn't make him threaten himself. The audience didn't either. We should just respect the choices he made to get himself to that conclusion.

Heck at least he got to choose how he went out. That's more than Shidou and Mahiru got.

The last timeline we see with him even supports this,

24/04/19 (Futa’s Birthday)

Futa: ––Hey, are you really ok with this? If you come with me, there’s a chance you can be saved too…… Haruka. Haruka: Yeah…… I’ve made my mind up. I have, something, that I have to do. Futa: Ah, is that right…… Haruka, you know, you’re an idiot. There’s no way…… that will save you…… Haruka: Yeah, thank you. I’m glad you came to talk to me, Futa. Um, thank you, for being so kind. Really. But, I’m sorry. This is all I’m able to do……

All those times she brought food and she never offered him a way out of that promise. She never said this is how you can get out of this. This is how you can move forward with me too. You're life doesn't have to end here. No the person who did that? Who was it again?

Was it the person that brought meals there everyday. That people are trying to jump through hoops to say couldn't notice someone starving right in front of them. Even though that someone was a person she'd been attached to at the hip prior. She could notice when he wasn't making eye contact or distracted by something,

22/06/22 (Haruka’s Birthday)

Mu: What’s wrong, Haruka-kun? Did something happen? You shouldn’t look away like that when you’re together with me. Haruka: Ah, s-sorry, Mu-san. Um…… No, it’s nothing. I just, suddenly got a feeling. That something is about to happen. Mu: Isn’t that because it’s your birthday? Or perhaps it’s a sign the guard is about to wake up again soon? Fufufu, I bet they’ll be really surprised at a lot of things. Haruka: That, might be true. But, I want the the guard to see. ……the new, me…….

But not a change in his weight. She's not observant enough to recognize the signs of starvation. Even though she went there every day with food. Alright, sure I believe you.

You know I'm not even mad at Mu because Haruka is dead. I'm mad at Mu because Haruka died for someone who no matter how much I comb through the facts did not give one fuck about him. To the point that the last notable thing Haruka did was not thank Mu for being kind to him didn't even thank her for that once if we're being honest but someone else.

Who even while going through the shit he did and saying he didn't have the luxury to bother being concerned about him. Was the first to ask if he was okay. Was the first to check in with the person he saw as being closest to Haruka to just check if he was alright. Then when the situation persisted went in there himself to check on his own birthday.

Just to be meet with what exactly. I was curious about what Futa saw that made him seem so panicked. Curious about how Haruka had done it. But now we know he went in there and saw a shell of person thin, starved, on the brink of death. Probably not too different from how Mikoto's trial three art looks at this point.

And he pleaded with Haruka to just leave be saved some other way. Like damn sure Amane's religion makes him vegan but at least he's eating. It's something I really can't let go it's not murder of course. Mu didn't kill Haruka with her barehands she didn't even kill him at all. But it's just the idea of going to same place every day with the thing that could save someone's life and knowing they're not taking it. All while again and again assuring people it's fine I'm taking him the thing.

"Isn’t that great of me?"

[the-most-humble-blog]

Cancel Culture Starter Pack: How to Get Outraged Online

Welcome to the Art of Outrage

Congratulations! You’ve decided to become a fully-fledged member of the Cancel Culture Club—where moral high ground meets internet fury, and everyone’s an expert on everyone else’s mistakes. Cancel culture isn’t about fixing systemic issues or fostering productive dialogue. No, no. It’s about quick outrage, performative hashtags, and demanding accountability from people you didn’t even follow until yesterday.

In this satirical starter pack, we’ll walk you through the steps to master the fine art of canceling someone online. Warning: Side effects may include echo chambers, bad faith arguments, and the sudden realization that maybe, just maybe, you’re part of the problem.

1. Choose Your Target Carefully (Or Don’t)

The first rule of cancel culture? You need someone to cancel. But who should it be? Here’s a handy guide:

Option 1: A celebrity who said something problematic 10 years ago. (Because clearly, no one grows or evolves.)

Option 2: A random TikTok user who got too popular for their own good.

Option 3: Literally anyone who disagrees with you on the internet.

Pro Tip:

The less context you have about the situation, the better! Outrage thrives on partial screenshots and out-of-context quotes.

2. Gather Your Receipts

You’ll need “receipts” (a.k.a. evidence) to fuel your takedown. These can include:

Old Tweets: The more embarrassing, the better. Bonus points if they’re from an account that’s been inactive for years.

Video Clips: Preferably ones edited down to 5 seconds to remove any nuance.

Hearsay: If someone says they did it, that’s basically proof, right?

Warning:

Fact-checking ruins the fun. Stick to emotional reactions over logical conclusions.

3. Post Your Hot Take ASAP

Speed is key in cancel culture. The faster you join the pile-on, the more engagement you’ll get. Craft a tweet or Tumblr post that’s equal parts outrage and self-righteousness. Examples:

“This is disgusting. How did we let this person have a platform?”

“I’m sick of people excusing this behavior. Cancel them immediately!”

Pro Tip:

End your post with “Do better.” It’s the cancel culture equivalent of dropping the mic.

4. Rally the Mob

No cancel campaign is complete without a crowd. Encourage others to share your outrage. Use phrases like:

“Let’s make sure they never work again!”

“We need to hold them accountable!”

Pro Tip:

Create a hashtag for the cause, like #Cancel[InsertName]. Even if it doesn’t trend, it makes your outrage feel official.

5. Demand an Apology (And Then Reject It Anyway)

When the target inevitably apologizes, it’s your time to shine. Here’s how to respond:

“This apology isn’t sincere enough.”

“Why didn’t they apologize sooner?”

“This isn’t an apology; it’s damage control!”

The Goal:

No matter how heartfelt the apology, never let them off the hook. Remember: forgiveness is for the weak.

6. Expand the Fallout

Don’t stop at canceling the individual—drag their family, friends, and coworkers into the mess.

Did their cousin like a questionable post? Call them out.

Does their employer still work with them? Boycott the company.

Pro Tip:

The wider the net, the more chaos you create. And chaos equals engagement.

7. Move On to the Next Scandal

Once the outrage dies down, it’s time to pack up your pitchfork and move on. After all, there’s always someone else to cancel. Don’t forget to leave a vague post like:

“Glad we held them accountable. Who’s next?”

The Dark Side of Cancel Culture

Now that you’ve mastered the basics, let’s get real for a moment. Cancel culture often misses the mark. Instead of fostering accountability and growth, it creates fear and division. Here’s what you should consider:

Nuance Matters: Not every mistake is equal. We’ve lost the ability to differentiate between harmful behavior and simple human error.

Room for Growth: If we don’t allow people to learn and change, we’re setting an impossible standard for everyone.

Performative vs. Productive: Are you truly seeking change, or just chasing likes and retweets?

The Humble Alternative

Instead of canceling, consider calling in. What if, instead of public shaming, we approached people with empathy and the intent to educate? Sure, it’s not as flashy or fun, but it might actually make the world a better place.

Cancel culture is easy. Growth is hard. Choose wisely.

[calliesmemes]

A HOME FOR THE HEART

ASSORTED QUOTES PULLED FROM TUMBLR POSTS, PINTEREST POSTS, AND SONGS.

CHANGE gendered words and in-universe phrases as needed.

SPECIFY muse for multimuses.

“   Half of seeming clever is learning when to keep your mouth shut. ”

“   I don’t understand … what exactly are you doing? ”

“   Fun isn’t something I’m particularly familiar with. ”

“   I will be gentle with your heart — I promise. ”

“   You are the finest, loveliest, tenderest, and most beautiful person I have ever known. ”

“   If we beat ourselves up after a mistake, we add shame onto the guilt and frustration that we already feel about our mistake. ”

“   Your pain is safe with me and I will stay with you longer than your sorrows if you let me. ”

“   I am broken, and full of contradictions. ”

“   We cannot afford avoiding the fight for growth and understanding, even when that fight is as painful as it’s bound to be. ”

“   At the moment, I am quite busy tearing down who I once was. ”

“   You have to challenge yourself, and keep learning new things. ”

“   I implore you — it’s time to come back from the dark. ”

“   You’re dangerous, but you lack ambition. ”

“   I became good at pretending. I became so good that after a while the lines blurred between my truth and fiction. I even fooled myself. ”

“   You will miss so much by being guarded. ”

“   What is destructive is impatience, haste, expecting too much too fast. ”

“   I know what it feels like to lose someone you love. ”

“   By all means break the rules, and break them beautifully and deliberately and well. ”

“   We can't do whatever we want. There are ways we have to act. There are things we have to say. But we can think whatever we want. ”

“   I think I love nearly everyone I have ever met. ”

“   It is the destiny of stars to collapse. ”

“   I belong to you. ”

“   What I was before wasn’t good for me. ”

“   Leave me to my own absurdity. ”

“   I have such trust in you, my heart. My dear, dear heart. ”

“   I’m restless and harsh and despairing. ”

“   You can be better than this. ”

“   I am not arrogant; I simply know my place. It’s quite far above yours. ”

“   Should I regret what I became, or should I regret what I didn’t become? ”

“   You are too nostalgic; you want memory to secure you, console you. ”

“   I am afraid to experience what I don’t understand — I always want the guarantee of at least thinking that I understand. ”

“   My heart is too good to be silent. ”

“   The quiet of the night is astonishingly beautiful. ”

“   When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t. ”

“   I knew who I was this morning, but I’ve changed a few times since then. ”

“   It’s frightening that there’s no guarantee you’ll be loved. ”

“   I think too deeply about everything. I still don’t know if that allows me to see more of the world, or less of it. ”

“   The truth is messy. It's raw and uncomfortable. You can't blame people for preferring lies. ”

“   See, forgiveness doesn't happen all at once. It's not an event―it's a process. ”

“   You must walk alone to find your soul. ”

“   I like flaws. I think they make things interesting. ”

“   People can easily forget that others are human. ”

“   By one act, I have ruined everything. ”

“   My bloodline is irrelevant to my value. ”

“   Everyone says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something that they need to forgive. ”

“   Who are you to judge me? ”

“   Poets — they can be soldiers, too. ”

“   I’m afraid to let go. ”

“   People can’t feel truly loved if they don’t feel seen for who they truly are. ”

“   Grief always grows back. ”

“   Maybe lying is itself a kind of art. ”

“   What thing worthy of love can be found in me? ”

“   I don't know anything anymore. Is that normal? Is it normal for someone to just go blank? ”

“   This was always going to happen. ”

“   I found with you a life force that I thought I’d lost. ”

“   I fear I will be ripped open and found unsightly. ”

“   We cannot simply sit and stare at our wounds forever. ”

“   If a poem hasn’t ripped apart your soul, you haven’t experienced poetry. ”

“   My life has changed, and I’m changing with it. ”

“   Things are sweeter when they’re lost. ”

“   How foolish we are to believe that we are more powerful than the sea or the sky. ”

“   Grief is really just love. It’s all the love that you want to give, but cannot. ”

“   They think that I’m purely decorative, and they’re fools for not knowing better. ”

“   Isolation is a way to know ourselves. ”

“   How many people am I? Who am I? ”

“   I learned a lot about being a friend when I was alone. ”

“   Stories make us more alive, more human, more courageous, more loving. ”

“   I love you, but I cannot survive you. ”

“   Shame keeps us stuck. It’s a paralyzing emotion. ”

“   I am, at present, wrestling with my own private angels. ”

“   You’re looking for this wonderful thing that you may never get. ”

“   If nothing saves us from death, at least love should save us from life. ”

“   Come on; dance with me. ”

“   If it’s darkness we’re having, let it be extravagant. ”

“   You don't always need to be getting stuff done. Sometimes it's perfectly okay, and absolutely necessary, to shut down and do nothing. ”

“   What would you ask for, if you knew that the answer would be yes? ”

“   Love is also a violence, and it cannot be undone. ”

“   Some things are more precious because they don’t last long. ”

“   You are afraid to die, and you are afraid to live. ”

“   I do understand — and it is terrible. ”

“   How do you become so empty? Who takes everything out of you? ”

“   I can’t abandon the person that I used to be. ”

“   Strength is what I want. Strength not to endure, I have that and it has made me weak — but strength to act. ”

“   I want everything back the way it was. But there is no point, this wanting. ”

“   My guilt will not purify me. ”

“   I guess I thought that by now, I’d be done with shame. ”

“   My father and I are more alike than I’d care to admit. ”

“   I am not asking. I’m begging — please. ”

“   It was a long time ago. It doesn’t matter anymore. ”

“   You people do not understand me, and I am afraid that you never will. ”

“   Endure what you deserve. ”

“   I pity the dark life that you live. ”

“   Don’t be the sort of person who needs to be held. ”

“   I am beginning to despair and can only see two choices: go mad, or go holy. ”

“   We are enemies linked together. ”

“   What lived and died between us haunts me still. ”

“   Betrayal already points to love. You can’t betray an acquaintance. ”

“   The dead only return for love or for revenge. Which did you come back for? ”

“   Every version of the story ends with you being slaughtered. ”

“   How can I ask anyone to love me, when all I can do is beg to be left alone? ”

“   If I didn’t think, I’d be much happier. ”

“   We are nothing more or less than what we choose to reveal. ”

“   How dangerous to finally have something worth losing. ”

“   Peace was never an option. ”

“   I will not water myself down to make my suffering more digestible for you! ”

“   Talent is insignificant. I know a lot of talented ruins. ”

“   Beyond a certain point, there is no return. ”

“   Anger is hard to ignore. ”

“   It is a fire that consumes me, but I am the fire. ”

“   Broken girls blossom into warriors. ”

“   I don’t know if I believe in rage as something always acting in opposition to tenderness. I believe, more often, in the two as braided together. ”

“   But it was too much. All of it was too much. ”

“   Time just gets away from us. ”

“   I’d rather live with a tender heart, because that is the key to feeling the beat of all the other hearts. ”

“   I’m afraid he’s going to hurt me. ”

“   The core of me is untouched. ”

“   I must have been very hard for him to love. ”

“   I understand now that I'm not a mess, but a deeply feeling person in a messy world. ”

“   Why couldn't people's insides match their outsides? The world would be such a wonderful place if the nicer someone was, the more beautiful they became. ”

[velvetmanuscripts]

The World Isn’t Black or White.

It’s Bruised.

No One’s Right- Just Loud

This world didn’t come with a rulebook, just 8 billion spinning minds trying to make sense of the mess. Some call it life. Some call it war. Most are just improvising. Billions of hearts beating different stories. None of them identical.

There’s a woman who’s been on her knees for years—praying, pleading, bargaining with a God she’s never seen but has felt in every breath. Just down the block, there’s a man who never believed, because he asked for a sign once and got silence. Some people write love letters to the stars, sure their dead ones are stitched into a constellation. Others look up and see a sky that couldn’t care less, galaxies too far gone to remember what love even meant. A child is taught that obedience is love. Another child is taught that rebellion is freedom. One grows up fearing sin. One doesn’t believe in sin at all.

There’s a woman ready to burn the world down to keep her child alive—and in another corner of this same earth, there’s a mother spider who eats her young because her hunger screams louder than her instinct. Is one more monstrous than the other—or just more understood? A man walks with light pouring out of him like he was stitched from sunrise. A few doors down, someone with Cotard’s syndrome lies in bed certain they’re already dead, rotting beneath skin. A soldier pulls the trigger to protect his land. A pacifist watches and weeps for the same soil. A doctor fights to keep a heart beating. A terminally ill patient prays for release. One child dreams of going to school. Another dreams of burning it down. Both were just shaped by their corners of the map.

One sees justice in revenge. Another sees justice in forgiveness. Some forgive horrors. Some can't forget a single cruel word. Someone says life is sacred. Someone else ends it, just to feel a moment of control. Nihilists and existentialists pass each other in cafés, both sure they’ve got the truth in their pockets. One says nothing matters. The other says nothing matters unless you give it meaning. They drink the same coffee. They might even be friends. The same storm floods one man’s home and ends another man’s drought. Truth isn’t a lens or something you look through. It’s the story you were raised on.

We live in a world where extremes sit side by side—eating at the same table, pointing at each other arguing about which one is real. Pointing fingers is easy—until you finally point at a mirror and it points back. What if morality is less a rulebook and more a kaleidoscope, changing patterns with every tilt of perspective? What’s right? What’s wrong? Maybe those aren’t fixed points. Maybe they shift with time, with culture, with childhood, with trauma, with heartbreak, with propaganda, with politics disguised as morals, with morals shaped by fear, with love that was never returned, with forgiveness that was weaponized. Maybe they warp with the names we’re called, the gods we pray to, the borders we’re born behind, or the stories we were fed before we knew how to say no.

So who decides? No one. Everyone. It depends on where you’re standing when the lightning hits. And maybe the question was never who’s right.

Maybe it’s—can you sit across from someone who sees the world upside down from you and still see them as human?

MyrecsinZ, unpublished manuscript (via velvetmanuscripts)

[luneandbarbecue]

What do you think AGS’ favorite flowers would be?

Genesis:

He slightly admonishes himself for being so typical, but the rose is a beautiful flower and Genesis does find himself partial towards them. Though a common thought and option amongst people, it is still a brilliant and stunning when one appreciates them deeply, it's a classic for a reason. However, it is not the only flower he is fond of. There are rhododendrons, gladiolus, foxgloves, cornflowers, tulips, hibiscus, etc. The apple blossoms of the Banora White sport a pure-white skirt, hence the name, and he recalls feelings of accomplishment and appreciation as he witnesses its fickle cycle. Even if the memories of his hometown were at times marred with baggage, there were a few things which lightened the load. His family home would sprall and climb with bright bougainvillea and he would often read and memorise passages of LOVELESS under them. They were one of the good things he'd associate with Banora. Under the bougainvillea, he dreamed, fancying himself a warrior like his stories and picturing the future, under the bougainvillea, he met his first true friend one cicada-serenaded day.

Angeal:

As a person who grew to love plants, he can list a couple of flowers he enjoys; asters (daisies, chamomile, etc), hydrangeas ("did you know they change colours based on their pH levels?"), dandelions ("they are not weeds, they fed me"), forget-me-nots, dahlias, etc. Angeal is also fond of bougainvillea as they were almost everywhere in Banora. He had held hands with his parents along with them and he had met Genesis while the boy was running amok, pretending to be a hero. His mother was fond of gardenia's and he and because they weren't easy to grow and maintain, he and his dad worked hard to grow them for her, the smile on her face was worth it. Lavenders are truly a joy to work with. They are hardy to a majority to climates, a pretty colour to look at - Genesis said that they go well with his eyes, a compliment which stuck with him-, smell great, and they are practical to the boot. You can mix them with vinegar to make a cleaner, use them to flavor baked goods, tea and meat, use them to calm yourself, what more can you ask for! He will always love this humble flower.

Sephiroth:

It was rare for Sephiroth to see a flower in the wild. At the beginning, he'd only see them in the pictures of books, in a gilded vase belonging in the company. Flowers were one of the things that would give him a semblance of 'life' outside of his sterile, harsh cage and he found himself appreciating them, from those which are arrayed in shops to those which grow wildly in tree and meadow. In general, he finds himself partial towards white liliums for their elegance, cherry blossoms (and similar), peonies, morning glory's and small blooms such as baby's breath and sweet alyssum's for their humble, yet pretty presence. He wondered what kind of flowers would his mother like. Maybe a pale yellow one, like the ribbon she wore on her ponytail. In an encyclopedia, he saw a yellow flower called a 'daylily' and immediately thought of his mother's ribbon. A sentence said that they symbolised 'reunion', and he closed his eyes, pressing his hand to his heart. The pink carnation is also held close to his heart, for people say is symbolised a mother's love.

Bonus: He also likes sunflowers cause BIG.

(I tried to balance the amount but I ended up giving Seph an extra sunflower, forgive me hehe)

[microknifeyuri]

people not getting nickel at all is so funny to me.

dude. what part of "he was acting out of fear because he didn't want to get manipulated by balloon since he did have story with him back then in s1, and wanted to protect his friends/alliance, and EVEN IF HE MESSED UP A LOT WITH SUITCASE AND BALLOON, it wasn't out of malice, but out of misguided fear and lack of proper communication that turned into something worse due to Nickel's nature." you don't get. it's not about forgetting what he did or treating him as likeable or anything. he very much didn't forgive himself over what happened and let BALLOON HIMSELF KNOW that he DIDN'T have to forgive him. he is OKAY with accepting his faults and with balloon not wanting to be part of that change because HE RECOGNIZES THAT HE WAS AN ASSHOLE TO SUITCASE AND TO HIM. CLOVER'S THERAPY SESSION DID SOMETHING TO HIM. HE'S TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY FOR HIS ACTIONS.

of course i can totally get not liking him on s2, he wasn't really one of my faves but hey! he grew and recognized that what he did was wrong! adam himself said that he did care about suitcase and bb, but his lack of EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE doomed their alliance. nickel isn't justifying himself with "oh but i was scared of balloon", he is accepting that his fear towards him changed into something else that he couldn't control.

also btw have you considered that they didn't know what to do with nickel on s2. if you deeply analyze him it makes sense as to why he changed so much on s3. "ohhhhh but he was a dick to Suitcase since the start" again. have you considered that nickel's writing has changed a lot over time. he's pure snark there but even then still cared mid-late s2. i could do a whole separate post analyzing his relationship with Suitcase from both of their perspectives but that's not the point. if that was the point of his thing with suitcase it wouldn't made sense for nickel to say "i just wanted to keep what we had".

AS WELL I WANT TO NOTE SOMETHING. His relationship with Balloon getting better WASN'T out of nowhere. On the comics, Balloon sent Nickel a letter when he wanted to fix things with others, and maybe that was also a factor that played for Nickel too. Remember that Nickel is a guy that acts first and thinks later. As well, Balloon references that Nickel and him used to trick Yinyang back at the Hotel. Nickel changed a lot in s3 and didn't have Baseball who was excusing his unhealthy behaviour either. Box helped these two to grow for the better.

tl;dr: nickel has one of those arcs that i need to study like a bug and everyone still treating him like a villain despite wanting to grow and understanding that his actions were terribly wrong is so funny to me. also balloon very much did end up liking the guy genuinely when they were friends as well. people can grow and change. people who had terrible relationships can heal and can get better.

[raes-writing-space]

My Comfort Characters + Comfort Prompts!

Alright! Since it's Spring Break I'm going to try and get some writing done with some of my comfort characters. They might be short prompts (unless I get really into them) but I'll try and post at least one story a day, maybe even two if I have the time!

SOME OF THESE WILL HAVE MATURE THEMES AND MENTIONS OF TRAUMA. TW: SA Mention in one of Matthew's Prompts.

Here is the characters with the prompts that I'll be going for (some based off of my own experiences but put in a way that others can relate to.):

Dick Grayson/Nightwing - Being Touch Starved/Wanting A Hug (General Comfort) Sometimes being a hero is taxing, and when your body is trained to handle blow after blow... sometimes a hug is enough to make you release a lot of feelings you didn't know you were even holding in. Dick Grayson notices your change in demeanor, and just does a simple act of giving you a long hug and telling you it's going to be okay.

Tadashi Hamada - Academic Burnout Comfort After doing your best in your academics, you still feel like you're falling behind or just on the wrong academic path in general. Tadashi helps comfort reader that if they want to take a break and rethink things, it's totally okay.

Matthew Anderson - Having To Grow Up Too Fast/Lack of Childhood Comfort After having to take care and deal with so many traumatic things at a young age, it's made you feel like an adult, even when you weren't. Now that you are an adult, looking back and realizing you couldn't just be a kid and have a normal childhood really upsets you. Matthew comforts the character and shows them that while it might not be the same, it's still possible to just act like a kid and heal your inner child.

AND (TW: SA Mention) Matthew Anderson - Respecting Boundaries Comfort You and Matthew have been dating for awhile. However, you're finding a hard time telling him about your past experience with being sexually assaulted. When Matthew starts noticing that you're starting to distance yourself from him before things start to heat up, he asks if you're okay and comfortable with him. When you tell him the truth, he comforts you and tells you that he will always love you regardless if you want to have sex or not.

Yuji Itadori - Perfectionist Tendencies Leading To Self-Esteem Issues Comfort You've been wanting to become an jujutsu sorcerer and help people your whole life, but you hold yourself to a different standard. After making a tiny mistake (which does not feel tiny to you at all) you start to doubt that you'll ever be good enough. Yuji comforts the reader and tells them that we can't all be perfect all the time, that we need to forgive ourselves from time to time, and we can only strive to do our best.

Obey Me! Satan - Learning Disability/Gifted Child Burnout Comfort You used to be great with academics when you were younger, and maybe in some subjects you still are just as good. But now that you're older and in a completely new academic environment, no one but Satan sees how you struggle to study, and stress yourself out to the point of crying when the words on the page seem to get jumbled up and not make sense to you. Satan helps you take a break, then helps make the studying process a little bit easier.

Ruggie Bucchi - Not Knowing When To Take A Break Comfort You're the type of person who is so used to being tasked with everything. Cleaning, cooking, studying, and caring for others, but that means you tend to forget to take care of yourself a lot. After feeling overwhelmed by the tasks you have to do, you make yourself on the verge of being sick because you can't seem to just pause anything. Ruggie helps the reader by forcing them to sit down before they collpase, and helps share the load with the reader and shows that it's possible to let other people take care of them too.

Cove Holden - Struggling With Things Changing Comfort Takes place around Step 3, when all of your friends and family are taking about their plans for the future, you start to realize what that exactly means. The feelings hit you all at once that things aren't going to be the same anymore, and while you're happy for your friends and family, the change still scares you. Cove reminds you that no matter what happens, he will always be there for you through everything, and that while things are changing, some things will always stay the same.

[scrubbinn]

Slime HRT 4 Months: Sunset & Sunrise

Content warning: Dark tone, Family trauma

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 I'm writing this a bit sooner than I thought. I don't actually want to write this out, but everyone keeps telling me I'll feel better if I express my feelings. To be honest to myself, I really hope that's the case, I could really use a pick-me-up. 

So I ended up talking with my family. Telling them everything. Not like I could hide it anymore, now that my hair is made of goo. I guess I can write about that first. Might be nice for a bit to just think about myself. I woke up last Sunday to find my hair a lot heavier than normal, it was already pretty gooey, with strands of hair sticking together or just kinda always being wet. It also felt a lot more rough than before, I could find split ends everywhere, everyday. That night though, the change in my body sped into overdrive. I woke up to find some of my hair giving way and sticking to my pillow. It's really weird, like those sandy soaps made of a bunch of spheres. It made it feel like I was wearing a pile of clay on my head. It also suds up super fast. Just a bit of water and my hair turns into a perm of soap bubbles. It doesn't have a smell but it gave me an idea. Plucking some lavender I was growing outside, I stuck some in my hair, after a couple hours my house flooded with the scent of that purple plant. I definitely put too much in, way too overpowering. Still, it's super cool to be able to change my scent. so now I've been looking into soap making recipes, after all, might as well take advantage of it.

But with every upside, there's a bunch of downsides too. Nothing physical of course, well besides the fact there's no way I could pass off sandy sky-blue sludge as normal hair no matter how many hats I put on, and Sundays just happen to be the day that my family likes to get together for brunch. I still haven't told them, I just couldn't. They wouldn't get it. I knew they wouldn't get it. So I made the decision to call my mother, to let her know I was feeling sick and I couldn’t make it. That's all it was supposed to be, just that. But when that phone call was about to end, when she told me she loved me I…

Everything spilled out at that point. It felt like it wasn't even me talking, I just had to sit there trapped in this wrong, wrong, wrong body as words and emotions poured out of my mouth that I didn't have a faucet to turn off. I don’t really even remember what I said, but I know what I told her, what I was doing, the pain I was going through, and the plea for forgiveness. She didn’t speak, not for a while at least. Then I heard it. The three words I didn’t want to hear, before she even spoke I could feel myself mentally barricading myself away from the inevitable blast my psyche was about to receive. “Are you sure?” 

Are you sure?? ARE YOU SURE?! What did that even mean??? Am I sure of what I’m doing? Am I sure everything will go alright? Am I sure I want to smash every mirror that gets near me? No. I knew what she was asking. It was all of them. It was every question. Are you sure it’s safe? Are you sure you can handle the harassment? Are you sure you want to hurt me and the people around you because of this? Maybe that last one isn’t fair to her. I don’t know. It felt like she said it.

I remember that night, when I told my mother I was trans. I was still living with her at that time. She asked the same question, and I told her yes. We talked for a while after that as I explained more of it to her, but when I climbed up to my bedroom, and when I looked back, her face was in her hands, and she had started to cry. She later admitted to me that she was terrified of possible persecution and the hate I’d get by simply existing. But that image was still stuck in my head, I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. I don’t expect to ever forgive it, and I could tell as I sat in my bed, holding my medication close, she had her head in her hands, holding back tears as she told me she loved me. I just apologized, I don’t know what for. I just felt like I had to. I said that I loved her, she said it again, and I hung up.

I spent the next few hours dissociating in my bed. Simply trying to stop thinking about how badly that all went. Bottling up every emotion I could get my hands on while the others I couldn’t reach in time became tears. It also turns out that goo for hair is really hard to maintain when under a lot of stress. When I came to, most of my hair had fallen onto my bed sheets. Spent way too much time scrubbing it out the scent of lavender. I don’t think I can stand that scent anymore. At least my new hair regrew quickly during my tea break. I don’t really know if writing all this helped. Maybe I’ll just have to sleep on it.

After I cleaned myself up, I spent the rest of the day ignoring my mental health. I just sat on my computer staring at a bunch of games I didn't want to play, and a bunch of videos I didn't want to watch. I sorta just stared at my monitor until I realized I had gotten around ten notifications from friends asking if I was doing alright. My girlfriend had messaged me before the phone call with my mother, and after not receiving a message for six hours, she started to get worried. She practically forced me into a voice call and wanted to make sure I was doing alright, I lied and said I was, she didn't believe me and didn't pry further. We talked for a while until I brought up the phone call on my own. Then she told me she loved me, and said she'd be there for me always. She stayed with me the entire time, as I started crying again, and she let me cry, waited patiently, and then asked if I wanted to watch some silly videos. I really did. Sometimes it's really hard to remember there's still people that do care about you. I'm sure my mother cares in her own way, even if she's not aware how much it messed me up. I don't know how things will go in the future, if there's going to be even more pain. But I think I'll be ok, at the very least there are people who can pick me up when I can't keep running, people who will slow down and walk with me. I'll be ok, I'm gonna run to see what the future holds.

Update: So, I'm not really sure how to say this. Writing about yesterday really helped me out so maybe today will help as well. I was working my shift today, construction work, and my legs suddenly gave out under me while I was carrying a heavy frame. It was like my bones just bent, and I couldn't stand up right. I basically got flattened but there weren't any serious injuries Or anything. My bones weren't broken, no bad cuts, just what's definitely going to be a lot of bruising. I got forced to take some extended medical leave. Paid of course, but I guess this means the next few months are just going to be focused on my changes while I wait around in bed. Which is good, I could use a change of pace.

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