#penelope is just selfish as hell

[icanseethefuture333]

If anyone actually likes Penelope from Bridgerton they are a walking red flag to me

[cowboys-tshot]

Circe and Odysseus in Epic: The Musical

EDIT: DO NOT TAKE MY WORD AS THE 100% TRUTH!!

I took some classes and wrote a paper about ancient Greek culture, but I am in NO WAY an expert. Please read through the reblogs to see some good criticisms and discussion about this topic further. My point overall stands that you can't apply modern rules and standards to ancient stories, but my evidence is undoubtedly flawed! This post has been edited to try and better reflect this.

I'm seeing everyone pointing out the possible issues with Epic the Musical's deviation from the original story of Circe and Odysseus, and as someone who's studied Ancient Greece/ancient Greek myths a bit, I wanted to say some stuff about it. This will be a bit of a long one, so apologies for my rambling!

Note that I'm not trying to shit on SA survivor's perspectives and (completely valid) arguments. I'm just trying to offer some context surrounding the original myth and how it fits (or rather, doesn't fit) with a modern audience. If I'm wrong with any of this, feel free to call me out! Criticize the shit out of me! I like learning about Greek culture and myths and would 100% love to hear other perspectives on this.

So, a few points about Ancient Greek myths to kind of explain the context around Circe and Odysseus:

Greek myths often did not have good views/depictions of women. Women were very often depicted as conniving, selfish, sexually insatiable creatures. There are a few deviations from this trope, the most prominent of which being Penelope herself—she's basically the ideal Greek wife, staying loyal to her husband for 20 years and all that.

Adultery often only applied to women. Husbands cheating on their wives wasn't merely tolerated, but kind of expected. Men often cheated on their wives with various kinds of prostitutes, concubines, mistresses, etc. Although, sleeping with unmarried women (that weren't specifically prostitutes) or married women was still looked down upon. Women didn't have this same standard. They could only sleep with their husbands—hell, their husbands (and family) were pretty much the only men they could even interact with once some really sexist Asiatic practices were brought to Athens.

The original myth has Hermes very plainly lay out how Odysseus' confrontation with Circe will go: Odysseus will eat the moly, draw his sword at her, she'll proposition him, and Hermes directly tells Odysseus to accept. Basically a "sleep with her if you want your men to live" situation. (See this post for more specifics on this).

So, let's apply this to Epic: The Musical. Here's some reasons I think may explain the Circe myth being changed:

The Greek "women being evil" stereotype is... problematic. While I 100% understand that it's important to acknowledge male victims of SA, I don't think the original myth was focusing on Odysseus being a victim—I saw it more of an emphasis on Circe being a sexually selfish woman, as women were often believed to be. Changing Circe to be less conniving and evil deviates from the concerning Greek stereotype.

The SA in the myth is not actually very clearly SA. Yes, with a modern perspective, it absolutely is sexual coercion, but for ancient Greeks, not so much. It made sense to them that sex could be transactional, especially when gods were involved. It's already been established that Epic, while still generally accurate to the original myth, does change things relating to morality/themes in order to better align with modern Western ideas (i.e. OG Odysseus not being as remorseful and merciful, as that was expected of a Greek hero, but Epic Odysseus having more empathy because that's more modernly heroic). If something from the original myth doesn't translate well into modern culture, then it's understandable to want to change or omit it.

In the case that the original Circe myth wasn't SA (I'm not saying one is more right than the other, I'm just covering all the bases), then it wouldn't even constitute as cheating. Like I described earlier, men often slept with women that weren't their wives. Plus, being a goddess, she's already kinda exempt from being blamed if Odysseus slept with her—only women are ever really blamed for sleeping with (or being SAed by) gods, and even then, their husbands sometimes don't even give a shit. But modernly, we would not see it that way. To us, it's not societally acceptable for a married man to sleep with another woman (without his wife's consent, at least). While Ancient Greeks viewed Odysseus as a good (or at least okay) husband, a modern audience wouldn't. Making Odysseus loyal to Penelope and not sleeping with other women (assuming this wasn't SA, but again that's one interpretation) makes him the good, loyal, empathic, modernly heroic man that Epic is clearly aiming for. Repeating my last point: If something from the original myth doesn't translate well into modern culture, then it's understandable to want to change or omit it.

Applying modern perspectives on Ancient Greek society and mythology isn't worth it. Like, we all joke about Greek mythology/Ancient Greece being super gay, but it was often just what we consider pedophilia (it's called pederasty if you'd like to know more). Y'know the Hades and Persephone story? Like, the original one with the kidnapping? Yeah, that was kinda normal in some areas. The myth of Demeter and Persephone is tragic, yes, but it was so normal that a lot of wedding ceremonies included references/recreations of it! Girls got married off ASAP after their first menstruation to men of at least 30 years old. We don't tolerate that shit today (for the most part, at least)! But it was normal in Ancient Greece. Applying modern rules and standards to ancient culture just does not work.

Anyways, I'll shut up now! I'm gonna go keep listening to The Circe Saga lmao

[dalamjisung]

A muted shade of green ✧ Chapter 3: X marks the spot

genre: finally some fluff! still some angst, but some fluff too!

word count: 5804

pairing: reader x spencer reid

description: you need spencer back home. so spencer comes back home. simple as that.

a muted shade of green masterlist

previous chapter // next chapter

author's note: you folks are amazing! thank you so much for the support and I know this chapter is a bit duller (aka famous filler chapter) but y/n needs a break from pain and suffering all the time lol <3 if you want to join the taglist for this series, please let me know in the comments!

“She knows who I am.” 

That is the sentence that sets off Plan B. 

Spencer’s instructions are clear: call Penelope and go to the BAU. Office Kaper is to stay with you at all times until you enter the FBI and even then, he will personally deliver you to her caring hands, and for once, you don’t argue. In what has been a very dark past few days, you think that Penelope’s bright colours might do you well. “I have to close the shop,” You tell him on the phone, already changing from your sleeping shorts into some jeans, but keeping his hoodie. Right now, you’re not focused on appearances; you’re focused on getting the hell out of there. 

“That’s fine, but keep Officer Kaper with you. Was the envelope delivered to my place?”

“No,” You breathe out, backpack on and ready to go. Nodding to man that has become your loyal companion, the two of you walk out of the building like any civilian couple. It’s unsettling, watching a man that is not Spencer wear his clothes, but he had to blend in so you two didn’t stand out. 

“And he’s wearing my clothes?” 

You turn to look at Officer Kaper and you snort despite the situation. “As best as he can, though he is considerably shorter than you, Spence.”

“You’re calling me Spence,” He says, and even his voice sounds a bit more at ease. Somehow, in the midst of this craziness, you two find time to ease back into what once was and you manage a small smile despite the anxiety rushing through you. “I missed that.”

“I miss you,” Is what you say back, and you blame it on the adrenaline of being outside, so open and vulnerable to prying eyes. “I… I feel safer when you’re here.”

“I know,” You swear you hear something skin to a smile on his voice. “I’m on my way back.” 

“Yeah, in like three days,” Talking on the phone and closing your shop is no easy feat. You’re no genius and having to split your focus onto two different tasks is quite hard, but you manage. You don’t want to let him go yet, scared that one you can’t hear his voice, he’ll be as good as gone. 

“No, I’m on the jet right now, I should be landing in an hour.”

You shouldn’t feel this happy about having Spencer come back this soon and probably in the middle of an active case, but when a psychotic killer starts sending you handwritten letters, you feel entitled to being a little selfish, even if guilt and anxiety are mixed it like the perfect emotional cocktail. “You didn’t have to,” You say, biting your nails when you finally grab everything you need and lock the door behind you. “Spence, I– thank you.” 

“You need me home,” Is all he says before announcing he has to go.

The silence doesn’t make things easier. Now that you don’t have to split your mind in two to multitask, you can fixated on the fact that this is serious. This is quite serious– Cat Adams has just confirmed she knows you. She has also, however, confirmed she does not know where you are, and just like you told yourself before, you have to believe that there is something better than this out there. There is a moment in time, reserved and crafted by the sisters of fate, in which Cat Adams gets bored with you. You are no longer a struggling rat under the weight of her paws, and she is no longer entranced by how you try to wriggle out of maniacal grasp. In another moment, another sliver of an alternate reality, Cat never even finds out who you are. You like that reality a bit better, because then you also don’t know who she is, and the knowledge of her presence and her impact on Spencer’s life is as weightless as a feather. 

While the city passes by you, the taxi ride to the FBI not as quick as you’d like with the early morning traffic, you allow yourself one more scenario. One more reality. 

In this one, you live in an apartment with muted green walls. Your furniture is that fancy, dark shade of oak and you don’t have to keep your books on the store; instead, you have space to add them to your decoration. You have shelves and shelves of books lining your walls and you think you’ve never seen anything more beautiful than that place. The windows, large and usually covered by cream blinds, are open to allow some sunshine inside. In this reality, you’ve told Spencer all about the benefits of sunlight to your books– none of them true, of course, but he still pretends to believe you, and he still opens the windows before leaving for work. This time around, you dream big– in this alternate life, Spencer never even met Cat Adams. He never even applied to the FBI, in this odd, hallmark version of your story. It doesn’t really matter what he does, but all that matters is that you get to be with him. You get to wake up next to him, to talk to him, to call him… hell, you even get to kiss him! 

This reality, as utopian as it seems, it’s fragile, though. Unrealistic. Spencer loves his job, you know that now. A world where you keep him from it can’t truly be a perfect world, not when he’d be so, so unhappy without his team standing next to him. “Ma’am,” Officer Kaper calls. “We’re here.” 

“Oh!” Grabbing your backpack, you follow him inside, feeling a bit awkward at the way people started at your with puzzled looks on their faces. “Wait! Before you leave, this is for you! You mentioned your daughter likes stories and that she’s about five or so, so these should be fun!” Children’s book is one of your secret passions, and you’re happy to see him smiling as he looks through the titles. 

“You really didn’t have to, Miss Y/L/N.”

“I really wanted to, though,” You smile. You need some light in your life as you walk those beige hallways. “Let me know if she wants more– her dad is a hero, so we have a special deal at the store for you.” 

“I’ll tell little Jane that a very nice lady from work gave her new books then,” He says, nodding as Penelope rushes to your side. “Call me if you need anything else, Miss Y/L/N, I’m happy to help. If it makes you feel better, you’ve been dealing with this exceptionally well. It can’t be easy.”

The validation has you pursing your lips, trying to hold back the need to hug him. In no way, shape, or form are you two close– to be honest, this is the most you’ve spoken with Officer Kaper during the forty-eight hours you spent together; and yet, his opinion seems to mean something to you. Your hands hide behind your back and you exhale sharply, nodding at him, eyes glassing over with emotion. “Thank you,” You whisper, head whipping at the familiar sound of heels waddling down the hall. “I’ll uh, I’ll go… but thank you. For everything.” 

He just nods, leaving with a wave and a smile. 

“Either you joined the FBI since we last saw each other or this sweatshirt belongs to a certain genius man,” Penelope says, looking at you with the ghost of a smile. If you didn’t know any better, 

“What? Oh. Yeah, I borrowed it from Spence,” You mumble, hands nervously fidgeting with your backpack. There isn’t much of anything inside, and you think you got flustered when you had Spencer on the phone telling you to get ready to go. All you remember is packing your toothbrush, a couple of books, and some underwear. “Oh, sweet girl,” Penelope sighs, her arm light on your shoulders, guiding you through those horrid halls. You think you hate the FBI headquarters more than you hate Cat Adams, and that is saying something. “Everything will be okay. Boy genius is on it, and he’ll figure this out in no time.”

“Seven days is quite a lot of time,” It’s not fair, how your words make her frown, but you have no one else. The words tumble out of your mouth before you can control them because this is what you’ve been dying to do since you first left that goddamned office, seven fucking days ago. And that is your regret– not talking to Spencer when you had the chance, not letting him talk to you, not… not letting him be therefor you. “God, seven days is a lot– it’s a whole week! I don’t know what you believe in, but if you’re Catholic, God created the Earth in seven days and– well, six days and Sunday he rested, but honestly, semantics. And it’s a whole week, one-fourth of a month. Seven days, and– and–“

“I am not judging you, because I am the biggest yapper of this team,” Penelope cuts right in, hand up in the air between you two. “But you need to breathe. I know seven days is a lot. And I hate that you’re in a position that you feel like you need to count the days. But there are no better people to have on your corner than this team. I promise you, Y/N, and– look!” She shakes her phone in front of your face. “Lover boy just landed! He’ll be here soon, so for now, please sit down and drink some tea?”

The door in the end of many, many hallways later is her office. You don’t really understand the juxtaposition of Penelope Garcia, and that’s okay– you might not understand her, but at least, with her, it feels like what you see is what you get. She wears her authenticity on her sleeve and you actually feel at ease around her because of it. There is not an ounce of ambiguity, not a shred of secrecy coming from her. She looks at you– really looks at you– and in her eyes you know how she feels. Penelope, unlike the rest of the team, is not a trained profiler, and even though you are quite limited in your knowledge of what exactly a profiler like Morgan and JJ does, the internet provided you with enough general background that you know just how… proficient… they are in hiding their own selves from the world. Apparently it’s a part of the job, but at one point, you have to wonder just how intrinsic is the job and their overall selves, and if when Spencer comes back home, does he leaves the job behind or is he always on the clock?

“Here, it chamomile,” The mug is bright pink and purple, and despite the room being dark and cold, you see how she has made it her own. The figurines and stickers on the screens around you make you smile weakly, sipping on the tea while sitting down next to her. Her screens are locked, and you are thankful for that– it makes you feel like at least someone is trying to separate you and the world you never wanted to know existed. “How are you feeling?”

You shrug a little, finger running around the rim of the cup. “I… I’m scared. And this feels really stupid, you know? It’s not even about me, but I’m the one kicking a fuss about everything,” Shaking your head, you let out a big exhale, like you have been holding it in for the longest time. “All because of a silly crush, oh my god…” 

“Wait… Wha– What…?” 

“I know,” You laugh at yourself, that type of chuckle that is so dry and void that even you worry. Underneath it all, underneath all the anger and the confusion and the disbelief, you think you just feel… dumb. You feel stupid. Like you’ve played yourself, and poor Spencer doesn’t even know. “How stupid am I? Getting a serial killer on my back, all because I liked a boy? And it’s not even like he likes me back, so this is all just… so fucked up. I wish I could go visit her and tell her that I don’t have Spencer, not like how she thinks I do.” 

“You like Reid?” Her smile is so big that her voice comes out all weird and squeaky. “You actually have a crush on little boy genius?”

“I–“ The hesitation in your voice is obvious. “I did. Spence is just so kind. And gentle, and loving, and he has this huge heart, you know? He used to bring me coffee every day he visited, and he would tell me all these really cool facts about the most random things, and I swear, I loved listening to him talk.” Without even realising, you’re smiling, wide and true, for what it felt like the first time in forever. You bring your legs up on the chair, hugging your knees close just to feel that sense of security it brings you, grounding you in the moment. The memories of your time with him, your favourite customer, are precious to you; and much like old time treasure, you hide it in the depths of your mind, away and untouched by prying hands of people around you. 

Except, Cat Adams found your map. 

And X marks the spot. 

It’s just a matter of time until she finds the golden chest and picks at the lock. 

Slowly, your smile slips away. “But now… now things changed, you know?” You gulp, not having the capacity to face the pitiful look she gives you without crying. And you’re tired of crying. 

“You didn’t change. Reid didn’t change, he’s still the same kind and gentle and loving man…!” You’re almost swayed by the desperation behind her voice. Penelope is a great friend and you can’t believe you were once jealous of her, but even then, you grimace. It’s not like you don’t want to let yourself be guided by these feelings– you want to let the butterflies loose, you want to allow yourself the giddiness of being with him, you want to have this quintessential girlhood experience, but the threat looming over your head pushes you down and away. You’re scared and you have all the reason to be. 

“Haven’t I?” You ask, cocking your head to the side. “Anyways, at the risk of sounding like a middle schooler, it’s not like he likes me either.”

“Y/N, he– he’s different,” Penelope whispers, reaching for your hand. “He’s afraid of germs and rambles a lot and he’s been hurt before, but please, if you just give him a shot, I think you could be really good for him.” 

“How would you know?” You’re not trying to be rude, you even smile a little, but the question stood– how would she know? You two had very limited interactions. 

“Because he talks a lot about you, and… well,” She confesses, chuckling like she had just done something naughty. When she points at the screens though, you gasp. “I know more about you thank you think.”

That makes your blood run cold. “You– what– what did you find out?” 

“Not as much as I could’ve!” She quickly promises, turning to the screen and quickly pulling up a file. The first thing you see is your driver’s license, and you wince at the picture. “This is all I managed to get before Reid put a ban on me!”

“He put a ban on you looking me up?” 

“Yes, he said he didn’t want to cheat and that he wanted to wait for you to tell him whatever you wanted to tell him,” Her words come out so fast you barely understand them, but it still tugs at your heart. “He said you didn’t know who he was because you didn’t know he worked for the FBI, and I tried telling him that’s not all he is! I did, but Reid is a stubborn, stubborn genius and wouldn’t listen to me! But he is, Y/N, he is much more than this job and–“

“I know that,” You whisper, eyes running through the documents on the screen. Degrees, past addresses, old jobs, family… and past relationships. Your body tenses up at the small list of names, one in particular making you gulp, glancing quickly at Penelope. “This is all, right? You… you didn’t dig more, right?” 

“Yes, this is all! I promise! To be very honest, I could find anything I wanted, but as I mentioned, I’ve been banished and threatened with a long, long lecture on privacy laws.” 

Her words echo in your mind for a moment, eyes unmoving from the bright screens. “Anything?” 

Penelope looks at your with hesitation. “Anything that has been online, yeah. Why?”

Sitting back down, you take a deep breath and nod. “Show me Cat Adams.”

“Oh… Oh, Y/N, no, no no no, I can’t–“

“Yes, you can! You just said you can find anything and, honestly how hard would it be for me to pick up my phone and Google her? If the FBI made the arrest, I’m sure media has picked it up!” Before you can even reach for the device, Penelope is grabbing it, hiding it behind her. “Penelope, please! This woman wants to kill me, I deserve to know what she looks like!”

Your voice is hushed, the undertone of desperation seeping through every word. “What if she gets out?” 

“Y/N, she has a life sentence, she’ll never get out.”

“You don’t know that!” This is what scares Penelope, the way you screech in panic, hands flying to the neck of the hoodie and tugging it away from you like you need it to breathe. “You don’t know that and I need to know what she looks like! Please, Penelope, I’m begging you!”

The tension in the room is palpable, but you know you got through her when she sighed. “I’m doing this for your protection,” It’s more like she’s talking to herself, so all you do is nod quietly, getting up and walking to the back of her chair. “Are you ready?” 

“Yes,” You are holding your breath while you squeeze the back of her chair, trying to keep yourself upright for a moment that could easily throw off your balance. 

In all honesty, you are not sure what you’re expecting. The little you know about black widow killers comes from a fictional world of made up characters, a place where the fantastical magic of made up stories meets the trauma ridden lives of turbulent characters. In them, these killers are beautiful. In fact, their beauty is their weapon, right before their grace and intelligence. It’s almost sick, how you remember liking those stories so much you once called it ‘a form of female empowerment’, and just thinking about it has your stomach tied in a bunch of knots, each one pulling and tugging at you in a rhythm that is too chaotic to not have you hunched over, panting next to Penelope like the photo she pulls up on her computer has just punched you in the gut. 

Because despite all your silent prayers, Cat Adams, in her orange jumpsuit and messy prison hair, is gorgeous. It’s something about her eyes, so cold and distant, yet holding an invitation that even you might not be able to resist. Is this how she draws men in? Is this how she drew Spencer? “I–“

“Garcia, what are you doing?!” 

Both of your turn around at the same time, both of you shocked at the sight of Spencer, in all his sweater vest glory and red face anger, marching towards you both. “Take it down.” 

You have never heard him sound so cold. “Spence, I asked her to pull it up. I was curious.”

“She should’ve known better, she’s an FBI agent!” Now he is screaming, and you can’t help but feel overcome with a familiar type of shame. Part of you, a specific part you left back in New York, expects him to to keep screaming. It’s the part of you that unconsciously pushes the tea mug away. It’s the part of you that looks at the door and feels relieved to see it unlocked. It’s the part of you you’ve been hiding from him and everyone else you met since you’ve moved. 

It’s the part of you Spencer just noticed. 

“I’m sorry,” He says, squinting his eyes at your so quickly it’s almost imperceptible. Almost. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have screamed, I’m just–“

“On edge,” You whisper, nodding in agreement. “We all are, Spence. Don’t scream at her, please.”

“I know, I know, I’m really sorry,” This is more like him– shy eyes casted down between glances here and there. “I just don’t want you wasting your time on someone like her. She doesn’t deserve it.” 

No one says anything for a while. Until you notice it. 

“Spence,” You mumble, smiling a little in an attempt to ease the high emotions in the room. “You cut your hair.” It’s shorter now. His shaggy curls still peek out, but it looks more… grown, even if it enhances his boyish charm. 

“I did,” He mumbles, blushing a little. For a second, he looks at Penelope, like he’s asking her what to say and what to do. “It was getting too long.”

“It looks really good.” 

“Thank you, Y/N,” God, you love when his voice gets low and airy like that. Garcia is looking between you two with a certain kind of spark in her eyes and it makes you shift on your feet. “Uh, shall we go home?” 

“You’re going back to your apartment?”

“Yeah, Officer Kaper said that the letter came with the batch of mail they got from Y/N’s apartment, so it’s safe to assume she has no knowledge of her current whereabouts,” Spencer picks up your backpack without even asking, smiling at you innocently. “I reviewed the security footage you sent of my apartment entrance and there is no suspicious activity happening during the days I was gone. And, well, you know, I’m here now. She’s safe.” 

No one will ever understand the amount of relief you feel in that exact moment. “Thank you for coming back.”

“You need me home,” Is all he says before guiding you away. When you turn to say bye to Penelope, she is smirking, giving you two thumbs up and a giggle. In the midst of all this mess, you actually feel happy to have someone allowing you to enjoy a moment of silliness. “Are you okay? Do you feel a bit better?”

“Now that you’re back, yeah,” You sigh, sticking close to him as you pass by a group of agents. “Officer Kaper is really sweet, but he’s not you, he’s not–“

“Familiar,” Spencer says, but you shake your head. 

“He’s not my friend.” 

“And I am?” The hope in his eyes crushes your heart. You never meant to make him feel like you had left him behind, but you know you have pushed him away when he tried to stand by you. 

No more. 

“You are, Spence,” You breathe out, hand gently falling on his arm and squeezing it adoringly. “You’re my favourite customer and I guess now you’re my living room-mate. But you should really sleep in your bed tonight, okay?” The joke is just an attempt to make him smile, and you’re happy to see it works.

“Will you sleep next to me?” 

His question is not that unexpected, really, but it still makes you freeze in place. “Uh… What… What do you mean?” 

“Sleep next to me,” His bluntness doesn’t help with the way your cheeks fire up. “I know you’re scared, so if you’re next to me, I’ll be watching over you at all times. I’m a light sleeper, so even if something happens, I’ll wake up. We can put pillows between us, if the thought of me that close to you makes you uncomfortable and–“

“It doesn’t,” You say before you can give up on it. “I just… I know you’re a germaphobe and I don’t know how many germs can be shared when you sleep next to someone and I wouldn’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Actually, when you sleep next to someone, there is an exchange of bacteria and skin microbes when we turn and move around, but your brain compensates by releasing the ‘happy’ hormones because you’re sleeping next to someone you care about, so I wouldn’t mind the former much considering we would wake up pretty content.” 

Someone you care about. You hold your tongue back from asking him if he cares about you– at this point, you should know he does. You shouldn’t need the reassurance, as nice as it would feel to have it, but you really, really want it. In a time where everything is uncertain, you pray so that Spencer can be your constant. “Okay,” You nod, hand slowly slipping down his arm, brushing yours fingers through his, before letting it go altogether. Looking down to the ground, embarrassed with your own courage, you follow him out of the building. “The subway is that way.”

“We’re getting a taxi,” He mumbles, signalling one down as he spoke. “I don’t think public spaces with that much visibility are a good idea for now. I don’t want you paranoid, Y/N, but I need you to be careful, okay? Subways, buses, all of these get crowded and they have a large amount of surveillance. We still can’t figure out how Cat found out where you live or who is her connection that got your name through the UPS delivery, but we’re not stopping until we do, I promise you that. For now, we just ask that you be careful around people.”

“I work with people. I have to talk to them to sell them stuff… I can’t lose my store, it’s all I have!” The two of you turn to face each other on the back of the car. He is shaking his head before you can even continue, and when you feel it, the warmth of his hands covering yours, so much bigger and steadier to the point that is like he’s holding your fists in his palms, you hold your breath. 

“You won’t,” He whispers, shaking his head so gently that wisps of hair fall over his forehead and you have to fight the urge to push it back. “Y/N, you won’t. We’ll figure something out, okay?”

“Okay,” The trust you have in Spencer is enough to have you nodding along. Until the car stops in front of his apartment, he doesn’t let go of your hand, and you make no effort in letting go of his. 

It’s only when it’s time to pay for the ride that you pull away, faster than him in getting the money to the driver. “Hey!” 

“Be faster next time, boy genius,” You say, smiling tiredly while walking next to him through the hallways of his building until you reach Apartment 23. Using your key in front of him, the one he gave you when he went away, feels weird and oddly intimate. “Do you want this back?”

“Keep it,” Spencer says, giving you his trademark tight-lipped smile. The way his shoulders sag a little as soon as he is inside the familiar apartment has you frowning. He is exhausted, tired from flying and rushing through the city, but he still made the effort to come get you at the BAU. “What do you want for dinner? We can get some pizza.” 

“I have leftovers in the fridge,” You mumble, suddenly too out of place in the apartment you know at the palm of your hand. Standing in the entrance, you just look at him, watching him walk around the apartment so carelessly and you wonder if Spencer knows just how meaningful it is for you to have him back home. “I bought groceries, don’t worry, I didn’t use any of your food or anything like that.”

“I wasn’t worried, but now I am. I told you to be comfortable Y/N.” 

“I am…” You mumble, moving to sit down on the armchair. 

Under his watchful gaze, you’re not sure how much Spencer can get out of your behaviour right now. It’s a bit sad that you’re even thinking about this so consciously, observing him as he observes you right back. You know you will never win a battle of wits against the genius across the room, but no ones knows you better than yourself and that is currently your only leverage in this entire situation. But… why do you even need leverage? What is this war you have started with yourself and pulled poor Spencer in without even letting him know? The blanket you adore so much is right by your feet and you pull it up to cover your whole body, all the way up to your face. At this point, you don’t want him reading you because you’re afraid of what he will find. Specially because you don’t know what he will find. 

“What are you doing, Y/N?” When he sits on the corner of the chair, your body dips to the side, rolling closer to him. “Are you hiding?” 

“Yeah.” 

“And why are you hiding?” 

“Because you’re an avid reader,” Even you want to cringe at your own words. “And I’m not really sure what story I’m telling, right now.” 

His laughter takes you by surprise– this has to be the loudest you’ve heard Spencer be. “Y/N, what are you talking about? I’m not going to read you!”

“Spencer, you can’t help it! It’s what you do– I see the way you look at me, okay? I know what you’re doing, and I have to say I am not a fan!”

With one tug on the blanket, your face is exposed again with hair all over it. But then you see his smile, and it looks so honest and happy, like a version of him you thought you had left behind days ago. “You think I’m reading you?”

“Are you not?” You ask, sitting up to try and look at him with a serious expression. 

“No, Y/N, I’m not looking at you because I’m reading you.” 

There are moments in your life, unique and specific in their own credits, that you are sure you will never forget. The day you decided to leave New York is one of them– you bought tickets last minute and left with only a rucksack you found in the back of your closet. On the way to the airport, you called your parents, waking them up at three in the morning to tell them they were going to need to ship your stuff to a PO box address. Y/N, where are you going?, your mom cried out. What is going on? To which all you said was I’ll tell you when I can, before hanging up and throwing your SIM card out of the window. 

Opening your store was high in the list too. Not the day that you conceptualised it or rented the place– the day you truly opened it. The day your first customer, your favourite customer, walked in, that’s the day you truly opened the place. The day he bought a book and promised to come back again. 

Of course there are other dates, too; simpler dates. Birthdays, christmases, random family dinners. The small things that build-up to be big memories. But then there are the big things that are even bigger memories, and you’re intimidated, with the size of it all. It’s too big, too tall, and when you fall, it might just be high enough to break all your bones, but not kill you completely. No… that would be too merciful. 

This– Cat Adams, Spencer, the box– this is not just big. 

This is huge. 

In comparison, tonight is not all that big. In fact, his living room feels quite small now that both of you are back inside. The green walls descend and it’s just you and him, squeezed close in an arm chair you both love, surrounded by books you both love, and you still can’t help but feel afraid. This is as small as it gets, as monotonous as it gets, and yet, this is the most scared you’ve ever felt, because no matter what you do, it’s like you can’t stop climbing– you go higher, higher, higher. His words, replaying in your mind, keep pushing you up, without any regard of how you’ll ever come down. 

Truthfully, you don’t want to come down, even if he brings you down gently. 

“Then… why do you stare at me, Spence?”

He doesn’t answer you, shaking his head slightly before looking away and clearing his throat. Uncomfortableness doesn’t look good on him, and that is saying something, coming from the one person who thinks everything looks good on him. “I uh, I’ll heat up some of those leftovers. Shall I get you some, too?” 

Spencer might the profiler, but you are still able to read the blooming colour in his cheeks. “Yeah,” You say softly, I would love some, Spence.”

Dinner with him is peaceful. You’re learning how to live this new life with a plus one. You learn his habits and his quirks– you learn that he likes to put ketchup on his pizza and that he drowns his coffee in sugar. That despite his immense IQ, he still can’t quite cook for himself– or prefers not doing so. That he made sure his cleaning lady came during the times he was away to avoid small talk and human contact. You learn, through a lot of trials and a lot of success, that you are his one exception. 

For you, Spencer is malleable, and he has no qualms in moulding himself to your needs, except… except you don’t want him to do that. You don’t want him to be someone he’s not and you don’t want the Spencer you know and adore to be someone curated just for you. 

“I’ll go take a shower and change into some comfortable clothes,” He says after he finishes eating. “Thank you for the food.” 

“No problem.” 

“And Y/N?”

“Yeah?”

“You can keep that hoodie. You look good in it.” 

Just like that, you chuckle, shaking your head when he disappears behind the bedroom door. If Cat Adams has the map to your past memories, Spencer Reid has the map to your future ones. 

X marks the spot. 

And for him there is no lock to pick– the door is wide open. 

---------------------------------------

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[lovelyo]

Colin Not That Much Better Fr

Colin is the lesser evil in this Poolin relationship imo, but he’s still pretty bad. Everyone says he’s this kind sweet cinnamon roll when he has barely showed any of that shit, do we all live in a different timeline? Colin barely has a personality when he had 2 seasons to establish at least a foundation. Season 1 he’s just eating and getting suckered by Marina(granted she had hella good reasons to do so). He was just there in the background with no personality. Even Gregory and Hyacinth showed more of a personality. Same with season 2. That Featherington plotline with the fraud cousin was ridiculous and he did it more out of pity than actually wanting to help.

All they do is tell us about Colin’s character. Mama Bridgerton, what shit are you chatting, how the hell is Colin caring?

If anything, we’ve seen this douche be selfish. Why the fuck did he go to Marina’s house unannounced? To get his own closure.

How is he running off to travel? By using Anthony’s dime to go and fuck around and buy gifts on that same dime.

Why is he barely close with his siblings? Cause he’s traveling without thinking of anyone else. No wonder when he occasionally writes letters to them they barely respond cause they even know their brother is full of hot shit.

What does he do when he sees the clear beef between Eloise and Penelope? Makes it about himself and invites Penelope to their house despite knowing Eloise wants nothing to do with the wench.

Why does he do a complete 180 and pine after Penelope Hilton? Don’t worry, the showrunners don’t even know. We can only deduce from his behavior that he started wanting Penelope after her “glow up”. What does that say about him?

Why doesn’t he want Penelope to be with Lord Debling? Well, it makes him feel sad and jealous. He seemingly doesn’t care that Penelope might have found a genuine man. It makes him feel like absolute shit so hence why they shouldn’t be together.

How caring 🙃

Colin is legit a selfish prick and the show is trying to put glitter all over his bullshit to make it look like gold. But hey, they do the same with Penelope. Such a befitting couple

[smilerri]

many thoughts about epic: the musical...

i am once again in the middle of essay writing but plautus is boring and my friend introduced me to this album so u already know I binged the entire thing

(quick warning for spoilers of homer's odyssey? if that's necessary?? man idk whatever)

first thoughts naturally concerned odysseus. i have hated this man with a burning passion ever since I started studying classics - i think he is irredeemably selfish, a liar masquerading as a 'resourceful hero,' and basically just a twat all around. that being said, i respect that epic is not an exact replica. in fact, i like that about it!

readings of odysseus as a loving husband and father, and a man who cares deeply for his crew and fellow warriors is one i would love to see reflected in the source text (though i admit i have only read two different translations so far, so this is subject to change depending on translators choice!), if only because it would be so so refreshing. and epic does that extremely well! i find epic's odysseus to be far more likeable, insofar as he is fueled not by greed for glory (kleos for the nerds out there) but rather the desire to return to his wife and son. (I personally would argue that, while homer's odysseus is indeed fueled by a desire for homecoming (nostos), it is not for the sake of penelope and telemachus, but rather concern over the security of his status and position within the household (oikos))

i also very much enjoy that the love he holds for his family is not an inherently positive trait. in the aeneid, and often in myth, it is achilles' son, neoptolemus/pyrrhus who kills the son of hector and andromache, astyanax by throwing him from the walls of troy - less common, it is odysseus (which i did not know until i googled it just now oops). homer's odysseus does not reject the gods. he is beloved by some, hated by others - he receives their boons and curses as they come. he revels in the attention of the divine, no matter positive or negative, for it is proof of his kleos. epic's odysseus is so much more... human. he doesn't vie for glory that reaches the skies. if anything, he rues it. in the horse and the infant he supplicates himself to (who i assume is) zeus - which is such a loaded act i am genuinely struggling to think of how to articulate it, but boy am I gonna try my darndest.

the act of supplication and guest-friendship (xenia) is a very key theme within the odyssey, and to a point in the iliad also - essentially, if a traveller were to arrive at your doorstep, you were obliged to let them in and provide food, drink, and lodgings to that traveller, no questions asked. in return (because reciprocity is VERY important in homer especially), the guest would provide entertainment, tales of their travels, etc, and would be respectful of their host. the patron of these travellers was zeus. any violation of these terms, on part of the guest or host, would be met with divine scorn. for odysseus to supplicate himself to zeus is therefore meta as hell, but I would instead bring attention to the echoing lyric "hes bringing you down to your knees." 'he,' assumedly, is astyanax. his father, hector, is dead; as is his grandfather, priam, and all of priam's other sons. at this point, one could assume that it is astyanax who is ruling troy, who is now the host of the city that odysseus, a traveller from another land, has entered and ransacked. zeus' 'prophecy' of astyanax growing old and seeking revenge (reciprocity! homeric greece had a 'revenge culture' - essentially 'an eye for an eye' as well as 'you scratch my back, I'll scratch yours,' though not always so clear-cut), therefore, would be odysseus' punishment for violating the terms of xenia.

supplication, however, is not limited to guest-friendship alone. for example, in odyssey 22, when odysseus slaughters the suitors occupying his home (is that spoilers?), their priest leodes supplicates himself at odysseus' feet, begging to be spared. odysseus takes his head from his neck in an instant. odysseus' kneeling before astyanax, therefore, is no simple act between a guest and his host - perhaps he is begging the infant for mercy, for forgiveness, or perhaps he is positioning himself for punishment; in killing astyanax, odysseus accepts his own death. perhaps this means his fate (which, in case of homeric epic, refers to the time and manner of one's death), or perhaps it is a part of him that has died. in just a man, odysseus asks "when does a man become a monster?" his killing astyanax prevents the boy from ever becoming a man, and spares him from a life fueled only by revenge and the need to regain his glorious birthright, and it turns him into a monster. just as he says he would, he trades in the world where he is 'just a man' for a world where he is a cruel beast, all for sake of his family.

(quick detour but i really like how odysseus' focus is primarily on penelope rather than telemachus. [insert deadbeat dad joke here], but in reality, he doesn't even know the boy. penelope he chose to marry and fall in love with - it's no question that he loves telemachus, but after ten years, it is only natural that he would miss his beautiful, tricky wife with more fervour than the child he never had the chance to love. it shows he is imperfect, even illogical - the son is the father's entire legacy. just as odysseus is 'son of laertes', so will telemachus be 'son of odysseus', the protector of his immortal heroic legacy. yet it is penelope whom odysseus yearns for.)

(another detour but "i'm just a man" is such a juicy lyric, because the entire message of homer's odyssey is that odysseus is not any man - he is a man that the muses deem worthy to inspire great poets to compose epic poems that persist through thousands of years and a million different voices - a hero. but epic's odysseus is not that hero. he is a man, trying to go home, craving comfort and the warmth of the hearth. these 'flaws' humanise him more than homer's odysseus could ever imagine.)

skipping over to polyphemus, odysseus violates xenia once again by killing polyphemus' sheep, albeit unwittingly. homer makes this violation very obvious - odysseus and crew eat polyphemus' cheese and wine while polyphemus tends to his sheep, knowing that the cave is obviously inhabited, and they even wait for polyphemus to return to ask for more. it is worth noting as well that, at this point, odysseus and crew are still jubilant about their victory, and unlike in epic, these 'detours' are purposeful, specifically so that odysseus can scope out the islands for anything of interest he can snatch and add to his spoils of war, adding to his kleos by means of physical wealth (timē) - which makes odysseus' offer of treasure to appease polyphemus all the more baffling in epic. this odysseus is a leader who prioritises the lives of his men over his own kleos, which makes the final lines - "you shall be the final man to die" // "what?" // "watch out!" - all the more heartbreaking. he wants to protect his men, so that they too may return to their families back on ithaca; the prospect of watching them die before his eyes after he already witnessed so many lose their lives in battle must be so utterly terrifying.

polyphemus is so excellently creepy as well! i loved him in the odyssey - this was where I really started to dislike odysseus, actually. he's a cyclops, obviously inhuman, yet he rears sheep and makes cheese and wine and weaves wicker baskets to keep them in, trying to play at humanity. i really did sympathise with him from the first time I read it. epic's polyphemus is similar, so very calm in his anger yet ruthless all the same, and demonstrates great restraint in comparison to his counterpart in the odyssey, who gets filthy drunk after mashing six men dead and allows odysseus+co. to fashion a stake with which to blind him. much of the violence against polyphemus, as well as the violation of xenia in homer's odyssey is 'excused' by the fact that polyphemus is a 'barbarian', to whom concepts of civilised people do not belong.

(very quick detour but polyphemus' first admonishment of odysseus - "you killed my sheep" up to "take from you like you took from me" - makes such heartbreaking parallels to astyanax's murder and the sack of troy. it almost provides a visualisation of the guilt that odysseus must still be battling. i would have loved to have been in his brain when he heard polyphemus say that.)

the mercy odysseus shows polyphemus is particularly interesting - homer's odysseus leaves him alive and tells him his name purely so that his name will spread and his kleos will grow. but epic's odysseus, despite his conviction to kill in survive and to avenge is fallen comrades in remember them, spares him. in part, this is to assure them an escape, so that the cyclops' giant body does not block their exit - but athena's interruption makes clear that this is not all. she criticises him, remarks "he is still a threat until he's dead." no doubt this calls back to zeus' warnings about astyanax, hence his refusal (or inability?) to commit to slaughter. for a homeric greek hero to allow a foe to live on after his allies had been slaughtered is a grave failure of reciprocity, casting shame on both the hero and their enemy. homer's odysseus escapes this with his reputation intact, since as a result polyphemus curses him to face poseidon's wrath - as I mentioned, for a hero, even negative attention from the gods is a good thing as it proves that their reputation/glory is known all over, even in olympus. but, as we have established, epic's odysseus cares not for kleos. the decision to tell polyphemus his name is entirely impulsive and irrational, grieving his comrades, hence athena's outrage.

the relationship between athena and odysseus is founded entirely on the principles they share, described in warrior of the mind (if anyone can lmk whereabouts this song fits in the timeline I will be so grateful, I'm stupid unfortunately :/). they value wisdom, reason, and rationality over brute strength and bloodlust. epic's athena becomes odysseus' patron goddess with the goal to "make a greater tomorrow" and "change the world" - aspirations that are entirely foreign to any homeric god. gods in homer do not care about the wellbeing of humans unless they are directly related to them, and they certainly don't care about the wellness of humanity as a whole. humans are toys and tools of the gods. the amount that athena cares for odysseus, even in the odyssey, is unusual, demonstrative of how much she cares for him, yet epic makes their comradery more obvious, even going as far as to (tentatively) call them friends. my goodbye frames athena's anger as disappointment at an experiment failed - calling back to warrior of the mind, where she claims to have "designed" him - but odysseus' replies to her makes clear that it is far more personal. perhaps, to her, odysseus acting so irrationally is even a betrayal; odysseus is abandoning the principles of reason they both once held and thus is forsaking all that they once shared and that she, as the goddess of wisdom, stands for.

ive always considered athena to be a very interesting goddess. she is a patron of both war, which in homer is only carried out by men, and weaving, the traditional work of women within the household - her very nature is a contradiction of masculine and feminine. although it is ares who is considered the 'black sheep' of the olympians for his brutality in war, epic's portrayal of athena through odysseus' lens paints her as lonely and ostracised - "since you claim you're so much wiser // why's your life spent all alone? // you're alone." It is clear that odysseus here does not view her as his patron at all, rather as a friend - and to that she takes offence, because she is a goddess, eternal and all-powerful. she does not need friendship or comradery; those are mortal concerns alone. personally, I see epic's athena as incredibly insecure. she cuts odysseus off because she cannot bare that a mortal has been able to read her so clearly, to see all the ugly parts of herself that she keeps hidden to retain the facade of the perfect goddess. she knows the paradox within herself - warrior and woman, immortal and alone - and rues that odysseus was able to see it as well. the cruellest part, the most ironic, is that his being able to figure out the true, imperfect nature of a god shows that he has not abandoned the path of the warrior of the mind. in fact, his wisdom extends beyond mortality into the realm of the divine. but athena is blinded by her anger and insecurity, and she says her goodbyes. she disappears from there, only to appear again to try to warn odysseus of his crew opening the bag of winds given to him by aeolus in keep your friends close, once again demonstrating her care for him, despite her anger.

the amount that odysseus cares for his crew is demonstrated time and again throughout the album, yet in the end, he still slowly loses their trust. aeolus' winds are the first sign. his crew betrays his orders upon the first whisper on the wind that he might be keeping treasure from them. the next sign, in puppeteer, is eurylochus' confession upon arrival to aeaea (circe's island), which odysseus brushes off, much as he brushed off eurylochus' concerns in luck runs out. then, in a matter of moments, 600 men are reduced to forty by the wrath of poseidon - which in itself is a significant change. while odysseus in epic is explicitly blamed for failing to kill polyphemus, homer's odysseus takes no responsibility for the deaths of hundreds of his men. it happens when they arrive at telepylos, which, unbeknownst to them, is home to the laestrygonians, a race of cannibalistic giants. odysseus, apparently sensing something off (who tf does he think he is, spiderman?), allows his entire fleet to enter the bay of telepylos while his ship alone remains outside - and when those ships are attacked and trapped, he alone takes his single ship and escapes, allowing twelve ships of men to be ripped apart and eaten by cannibals. an act which he shows no remorse for.

in my interpretation of homer's odyssey, it is this slowly slipping trust that eventually leads to his men ignoring his warnings and feasting on the cows of helios which leads to the deaths of all his remaining crew, including eurylochus and polites (spoilers? idk). so, once epic: the musical catches up to book 12 of the odyssey you WILL be seeing me again I hope ur excited.

there is definitely more i could say here, especially about the circe saga bcs ohhh my god I love circe and I love this circe especially (a female character with actual motive other than being a victim? homer could never) but unfortunately I'm running out of steam and I do in fact have 3 essays due this month (help) so I will probably return to this later !! hopefully its readable bcs I'm not going back to edit any of this ;)

[rookieoneil]

Crying for Cressida wasn’t on my 2024 bingo list. Like wtf 😭

⬇️SPOILERS⬇️

I’m only on the second episode of the second half of the season.

Eloise makes me so angry. She’s being a horrible friend to Cressida. I know Cressida isn’t the nicest but she really is trying with Eloise and El won’t give her the time of day. Eloise is a horrible friend, with pen and Cressida because most of the time she wants it to be about herself. I think el needs a reality check, because she needs to get it together I beg of her. I need Cressida and Eloise friendship back. I’d rather have them over her and pen everyday. Butttttt she’s turned on Cressida SO FUCKING QUICKLY. Like stfu. Eloise is getting on my last fucking nerve. She KNOWS why Cressida is doing this and yet she wants to take it away when both her and pen were okay with her doing it, suddenly when she gets a tad bit smarter by recruiting her mother do they find the need to take it away. Cause suddenly it’s a monster when Cressida does it? But Penelope is justified?

I’d like to add If I see Cressidas father, ITS ON SIGHT.

Also-

I hate Penelope so much. Like this girl is so blind to her own actions. She justifies for work as lady Whistledown because the town was cruel to her. Hell she wrote about Colin because he said some shit to his friends. (Was it shitty? Yes but to get so bitter about it that you want to attack his reputation? Crazy.) I don’t like hurt people who hurt people. I admit that it’s good entertainment watching her stick it to her family, but I don’t agree with a majority of her actions. Like she’s lying to Colin. And she is constantly adding to more shit to Cressida for being “lady whistledown” when she knows. Its just??? Idk she’s literally selfish, Colin deserves the truth.

Speaking of Colin. Idiot. Asshole. Why he’s always getting upset with Eloise for not being friends with Pen when he know a nothing about what happens infuriates me to the core. 😭 like boy just stfu. He’s my least favorite bridgerton boy.

Onto the positives

Lady Danbury trying to keep her brother away from Violet has been gagged🤣 she really said my bestie. Her in literally tears when he asked him to stay away from “her friend”😭😫

The Queen 🤣 she’s so sassy i absolutely adore her sm.

KATE AND ANTHONY OH MY GOSH A BABY?!?

And I’m so excited for Francesca but I know book story so I’m kinda scared. My heart hurts for her because she truly cares about him, and I think that right now, he’s exactly what she needs. She’s come out of her shell so much more since seeing him.

[lady-margaret]

bridgerton season 3 part 1 opinion (as someone who has read all the books + is kathony biased so be warned)

after sitting and stewing on what i just watched for a few hours

i’d like to start this off by saying that due to my disappointment of the writing from the last season, i was way more gracious with this one. kate and anthony were great because of simone and jonathan; i’m not sure the writers had much to do with that.

anyway, what i’m saying is that i already knew not to expect the writers to be faithful to the source material (romancing mr. bridgerton), so i was able to enjoy myself more. additionally, polin’s book isn’t exactly a favorite of mine anyway, so there wasn’t a lot to be too disappointed with in my case.

what i liked:

penelope’s wardrobe; they hyped up the “transformation” so much and i’m glad it did not disappoint.

colin’s hot 😌

eloise’ wardrobe; someone pointed out that it had a lot of philip references, so yay 😀 (it has me worried that it’ll be her story next though, we need ben first)

eloise interacting with the other ladies of the ton was really cute and refreshing; she’s learning that despite them having different interests than her, they are still people of great value. the difference is eloise was raised in a loving and supportive family, unlike most of the others.

sibling’s g&h’s personalities coming through more (they are anthony’s children, truly).

featherington sisters as comic relief.

MARRIED KATHONY CRUMBS 💕💕💕 they carried episode 1 for me.

FRANCESCA 💕💕💕 gorgeous introvert representation.

FRANNY AND JOHN 💕💕💕 (i am both ready and NOT ready to get hurt 🥹)

book references (yay! the bare minimum!)

lord debling’s dope.

i actually do like that they gave cressida a legitimate reason to want to win the competition money to unmask LW in the second part.

the music choices haven’t disappointed yet!!!!!

colin’s line for the season is def the “well are you gonna marry me or not?” line HEHEHEHEHE i ALMOST screamed as loud as i did when john entered when he said that line to pen.

as an army, plus points for dynamite 🤭 i didn’t expect to like the orchestral version and didn’t see the vision of where they would even insert it, but i actually liveddd for it.

what i don’t really have strong feelings about:

mondrich plot; alice is beautiful but the addition of their family storyline didn’t make much of a lasting impact.

the queen; she was very meh so far.

the featherington storyline: the sisters are funny, but their whole situation mixed with the humor leads me not to take it very seriously.

violet x lady danbury’s brother: 🤷‍♀️ i don’t see it.

the “lady danbury’s brother” storyline in general is very forgettable.

what i disliked:

i think nicola and luke could use more chemistry; they fall short compared to daphne&simon and kathony (HEAVY ON KATHONY THIS IS WHY THEY REMOVED THEM FROM THE REST OF THE EPISODES SIGH)

they kinda mischaracterized colin (he spent the last two seasons being selfish and putting himself above everyone else violet, what the hell are you talking about “you never place yourself over others” 🤨)

the lack of ben time?? did he go back to the academy after taking over for anthony briefly??? what did he do besides dodging debutantes all season????

they glossed over benedict running the estate so quickly; this could have been an opportunity to draw out his storyline, especially since he mentioned that he liked having a purpose: WRITERS???? DO SOMETHING WITH THAT!

i also didn’t really care for the ben x tilly arnold plot; unless sophie’s actually a maid of her’s or something, i don’t see her point in the show besides just be another one of ben’s ever changing girl of the season.

im sorry but eloise would never SHOULD NEVER have befriended her (ex?) best friend’s bully, no matter what the circumstances. that is NOT eloise.

honestly, them revealing whistledown in the first season is really screwing with the writing; in this regard, i wish they stayed more faithful to the book and how colin finds out about LW. it all just seems so messy at this point.

so s3 starts when kathony end their honeymoon… how long was this honeymoon? math isn’t mathing cuz it couldn’t have been more than a week given that kate isn’t obviously pregnant yet in the first ep.

i know that colin and pen are longtime friends, but from how they’ve interacted with each other in the past seasons, it’s a bit harder to believe that they were close CLOSE friends; close friends to the extent of helping the other find a spouse through “lessons”? i don’t see it. that’s why i was a bit ??? when i first found out about the plot they were going with for the season (in the book, colin really just starts following her around cuz she was being sus)

i hate that they had to come up with an excuse to get rid of kathony for the rest of the episodes; i get that they’ve been running their separate households alone for most of their lives and want a break but… i don’t think they would abandon their responsibilities for an “extended honeymoon”. knowing them, running the estate isn’t gonna stop them from being wh0res!! they help each other out with the estate and are still sickeningly in love and have time for each other (in the books). i was also really hoping to see kate taking over the viscountess role. i swore they would have done something like that after that cute/awkward moment when they both respond to “lady bridgerton” in episode 1.

i get that it’s established that penelope’s one goal for the season is to get a husband, but as i know her character, she would NEVER get into races (?) or run just so she can talk to a suitor before anyone else does 😭 okay but it was funny.

i am kinda sad that they couldn’t have just let a mean character or a villain character be the villain character; yea sure, i did say that i liked that cressida had a legitimate and well thought out motive for wanting the LW reward money but, idk i could’ve lived without her storyline.

one of the BIGGEST THINGS for me is that i do not think they should have released so many clips/snippets of the show days or weeks before it came out. i understand like 1 clip, but i skipped SO MANY SCENES because i have watched them at least 5 times already on tiktok or twitter.

the two part season idea is dumb.

i’m scared for how messy part 2 will be (in terms of both writing and just how stressed i will be with the revealing of LW plot HUHU poor pen) but i’m still looking forward to it 😇😇😇 and despite all the things i didn’t like, i did still enjoy it. if i do rewatch it or not is still to be decided; s1 & s2 have such high rewatch value.

franny and john were TRULY a standout though. i cannot even begin to describe how loud i screamed when he finally said his name out loud 😭💕

verdict: the writing is getting messier, get jonathan bailey in that writer’s room ASAP

[dootznbootz]

I think “confused woman” refers to the meme where that woman looks very confused while running the numbers in her head.

oooooh THE MEME

this thang? :D

okay yeah, that makes more sense :P I genuinely thought it was like "Odysseus is confused and thinking about Women." which yeah, I think about Penelope a lot too sklfj dslkjf

Okay with that in mind-

ngl, I love how Odysseus tries so fucking hard to either escape fate and/or change it. The cattle, @backpackingspace said some good shit on Scylla:

Yes, Odysseus is a lil shit. There are times when he's rude, cruel, selfish, etc. (I mean Book 8 of the Iliad where he leaves Diomedes to die? 👀) But when it gets down to it. He really DOES care. and he especially cares about his men. He tries SO hard to keep them all alive (Elpenor was an odd case. Odysseus wanted OUT of Aeaea.) But Fate already had plans...

Sometimes I think about how fucked up it is that Odysseus spent most of the Odyssey being a fucking sex slave for Calypso. ;~; Not only that, but do you think that Odysseus thought that maybe this was just another "bump" in the journey? That, surely, even if he is away from home for 20 years, the rest of the journey won't be spent HERE, right? That, maybe, he won't be in this hell for 7 years. Only for time to drag on...

[dollypopup]

a (not)short list of unpopular polin opinions

+Colin saying that he 'found/met himself' on his travels is GOOD, actually, and Penelope should be overjoyed that her friend put that kind of work into himself. she should be happy the letters between them were genuine connection instead of him using her as 'free therapy' as some people like to state

+Colin is not using Penelope as free therapy, ffs

+Colin's line about not courting Penelope couldn't have possibly 'ruined her prospects' because she already had 0 prospects

+Colin caring about Marina even after everything went down is proof he has a good heart and nature and would make an excellent partner. (do i think he should have visited her still? no, i think she deserves her privacy, but Colin didn't do anything wrong in the S1 situation and him coming to check on her, being nice to her husband and her children, and feeling concern about her happiness is HEAPS better than how other men in this series have treated their previous romantic partners)

+Penelope being upset he isn't interested in her is 100000% valid. Cutting him out of her life for it however is toxic as hell (and celebrating her 'ghosting' him is very telling)

+Penelope was SUPER out of line multiple times w/ Colin, in particular when he's clearly heartbroken. Nearly confessing her crush on him in S1 was bad and selfish (his engagement JUST blew up very publicly by her hand) and when he comes back from traveling (aka: trying to heal after said blow up) asking about women he met is very tone deaf. reminding him she herself is a woman is ALSO very tone deaf

+Penelope has been and continues to be a bad friend to him, partly by her own admission when he complimented her on being a loyal person and she said she didn't deserve that (good news: this means she can have a character arc becoming a better one!)

+Calling Colin 'stupid' or an 'idiot' simply because he doesn't realize Penelope has a crush on him or for verbalizing things poorly is ableist and it needs to stop being so normalized in this fandom

[specialagentartemis]

ask meme since Pin-Lee was taken: the literal goddess Athena. throwing the apple of discord at you

Kat are you trying to get me smited :P

First impression

Age 10 or so: wow! Cool smart warrior lady! Also I love that she decides to stay unmarried forever for reasons I don’t know how to express!

Impression now

Age now: wow! Cool smart warrior lady! Also I love that she decides to stay unmarried forever for reasons I know Exactly how to express!

… although tempered a lot with more knowledge about Ancient Greece and different variants on the gods’ stories, the social context of when the different ones were written, and why. I’m actually more fascinated now with Athena’s portrayal as the goddess of merciful justice, as she is in the Oresteia; neither Apollo’s smug righteousness, nor the Furies’ screaming for vengeance and blood. However, a lot of these portrayals of wise, just, balanced, merciful Athena come from Athenian playwrights who were obviously biased towards their city’s patron, and against Apollo (who was associated with Sparta, the city Athens was at war with at the time). She could certainly be selfish in the way of the Bronze Age gods in the Bronze Age stories.

I’m also interested in her association with crafts, specifically women’s crafts. Crafts being recognized as taking the same kind of logic, planning, intelligence, and importance as war tactics. Athena spanning this masculine space of war and feminine space of craftworking.

And the ambivalence of her eternal virginity—Athena only able to have that position of power and respect she does because no man is allowed to dominate, master, and functionally own her, the way classical Greek views on gender hierarchy and sexism assumed was the natural way of men and women. Athena has to take on masculine characteristics to be powerful in this manner. As much as I wanna go hell yeah genderqueer aroace icon there’s also the fact that it’s heavily rooted in sexism. She’s a fascinating, complex, ambivalent figure.

Favorite moment

I’m very fond of the story where Athena was raised alongside Triton’s daughter Pallas, as sisters and friends. They both practiced the arts of war and would practice and spar together. Then, once, either they had a falling-out and the fighting became real; or they were sparring and ply-fighting, but either way, Zeus, afraid for his daughter and Meddling, distracted Pallas, and Athena accidentally killed her. Athena, heartbroken at the death of her friend, which she genuinely wasn’t trying to do!, built a statue in her honor and adopted her name “Pallas” in honor and memory.

Idea for a story

She’s Odysseus’s patron, and Telemachus’s mentor (ha), but as the goddess of weaving and tactics and cleverness… I would LOVE to see her interacting with Penelope more. The woman known for her cleverness, and her weaving skill, and for using weaving as a tactic in her cold war against her suitors. I would DESPERATELY love to see Athena and Penelope during the time period when Telemachus was growing up, or while he was off in Sparta and Pylos, and Penelope was holding down her palace and kingdom alone.

Unpopular opinion

Ovid’s renditions of the myths are fine. Yes even the one where Athena turned Arachne into a spider out of spite, and the one where Athena made Medusa a monster. They’re not the only versions or the version that your own mythic/literary tradition needs to draw on, but they’re compelling and interesting. They were written from a very specific cultural and political perspective, but that perspective is fascinating in its own right. It’s not Ovid’s fault that most of our knowledge of Greek literature comes from Athenians who are biased towards Athena and portray her as great.

Favorite relationship

I’m a simple normie, I like Athena lavishing attention on Odysseus as her champion during the war, a warrior after her own heart, and the way even when he pisses her off after the war and she withholds her help anymore she starts to feel kiiiiinda bad about it. And she strikes up a friendship/mentorship with Telemachus and starts advocating for him to the other gods again. Odysseus and his son as Athena’s… projects, supplicants, maybe even in the strange way of gods and men, friends.

Favorite headcanon

I think she is SO pleased that even though she lost the judgement of Paris, she won the war (not even the Trojan War, the war for the hearts and minds of the people. She is Everyone’s Favorite Greek Goddess now)

[ackermansimper]

I ended up LOVING this one and wrote a lot more than I normally do for these song inspired write offs. I may or may not do a part two, depends if anyone wants it and if I have time later down the road

Feel better

Word count: 1.8k (Levi x reader)

Feel better - Penelope Scott

-Summary: Levi doesn't wanna feel better after the way he rejected you. He can't bring himself to let himself be after the tears that were shed from your eyes because of him

Levi leaned in his chair and looked up towards the ceiling with blank eyes. The way he rejected you.. He always knew you had feelings for him and truth be told, he felt the same way. He couldn't bring himself to allow a relationship within his life though. Not with everything going on. Having to be vulnerable and show that side of himself wouldn't exactly be easy for him either.

So despite you both being best friends and practically already lovers, he shot you down. He knew you both were close and had mutual feelings but he was willing to ruin your friendship if it meant not having such a weakness be displayed on him. He just couldn't have a relationship. For many reasons.

He had rejected you badly. He didn't let you down slowly in the slightest and he knew that. He didn't intend for it to be so bad that he'd see you cry for the first time but that's what ended up happening.

"Sorry if it's a bit late Levi" you had said with a small smile on your face. "It's fine. You know I wasn't planning on sleeping anyway" Levi responded rubbing his eye a bit. "Walk with me"

He did as instructed and after a bit you spoke again. "Levi. This might sound a bit abrupt but I'm not gonna beat around the bush." you began, slowing down before coming to a complete stop. "I like you. More than a friend. And if you feel the same way, I was thinking we could-" he suddenly interrupted you for one of the few times ever.

"No." was all he said. "No?" you repeated with a confused face before it turned into a pain-struck face. "Oh.. I see" you said with as much composure as you could. You were about to walk away before he spoke again.

"You're pitiful" he said. You didn't know what he was playing at and decided against finding out. You didn't turn to face him and debated whether just walking away now or not. "The most you'd ever be is a friend. And even that is a bit of a stretch." A bit of a stretch? So we aren't friends now?

"You're also a bit too much for me anyway and can act annoying. A relationship with you would be literal hell. There's no way in fuck that i'd date you and you know that. The fact you came and said all that is-"

"Levi. Shut the fuck up." You said before turning to face him. He was obviously taken aback by the tears wetting your cheeks, revealing why you had been so quiet before. The glare you were giving wasn't helping his surprise either

"Now that I think about it, there's no way in fuck that I'd date you! You're ignorant, cold, and don't even think about how the shit you say and do affect other people! You're just a big selfish asshole and this is why you'll always be lost in life!" you yelled out before turning away and speed walking somewhere. Anywhere. It didn't matter where. Just a place that Levi wasn't in and it'd be fine.

Levi couldn't get away from himself though. He was stuck with himself and that to him was the real hell. A relationship with you wouldn't even come close to it but he knew a relationship would him would just about be hell itself.

So whether he regrets it or not, he'll convince himself he doesn't. Because you deserve better and the world just isn't fit for that. He isn't fit for that. Everyone who loves him dies and he's already accepted that curse.

Later that day, when Levi's paperwork and reports were finally finished and he had no more work to do, he finally laid down on his bed in the shared room of his and Erwin's. He rarely visited it nor laid in the bed. It wasn't a common occurrence for him to be able to do this. As he relaxed his muscles into the soft fabric though, you entered his mind. An image of your normally courageous face with tears, and mad. And at no one but him.

He began to question the things you had yelled out at him in a fit of rage. You both hadn't talked since the incident and he didn't blame you but he never bothered to take into account what you had said. Maybe a bit of it was because he was occupied with work but most of it was just that he didn't wanna accept or think of what you had said.

He was ignorant? Cold? Selfish? Lost? You don't think you wanna be with him either? He doesn't think about how he hurts people? He doesn't. Maybe that's what makes him ignorant. Maybe that's what makes him cold. And selfish. And lost.

He furrowed his eyebrows at the feeling of his eyes watering. It wasn't everyday he cried. Nor was it often. But the more he thought about it, the more he regretted it. Someone loved him. Someone fucking loved him and he knows damn well he loved them too. Yet he rejected and broke her in the process. He was the reason behind her tears.

He was worth something to her yet threw it back in her face with a bunch of insults just to salt the wound. He had his chance but he blew it. He blew it so fucking bad that he can't even think of trying to fix it. Not that he really can though.

At this point he doesn't wanna feel better. The most he could do was think about all the things you'd do together. The times you both would sit shoulder to shoulder while sipping on tea, the times you both would have picnics on your rare free days, the times you both would talk in between training the cadets, the times you both always had a habit of buying something for each other while out. There was so much moments he could think about and he hated it. He hated thinking about the random nights he'd knock at your door after leaving his office and just sleep in your room with the excuse of "Mine and Erwin's room is too far, I'm shit tired." which he knew wasn't true. The way you both would cuddle together under the same sheets and he could wake up from a decent night of sleep.

He led you on. That's probably what you thought. That wasn't his intention though. He enjoyed the lover similar affection he got from you without the official title. Without it meant he didn't have to accept that he's becoming vulnerable. Without it meant that it wouldn't hurt if you died in the hands of a Titan. Or at least that's what he wanted to believe. He knew it didn't matter whether the title was on you both or not, if you died it'd hurt like hell. He loved you and he knew that. But now he's lost you and he knows that.

When he was around you he felt like he was worth something. He felt like he actually earned something. He felt like he had rights to everything when he was with you. Death, life, choice, and even love. He can be stubborn and stuck up though. So instead of listening to his heart, he listened to the distant part of his brain telling him not to do it. To end it before it got too far. He wanted to but he couldn't. And when you confessed that was the breaking point. The point where he had no choice and had to end things.

He can't imagine a love like this again. He doesn't want to. No one's gonna love him like you did. No one's gonna understand or even try to as hard as you did. No one can be like you or devote themselves to him the way you did. And for him to treat you that way...

He wants to rip himself apart. He wants to rip himself to shreds. He wants to hurt himself a million times over the way he hurt you. He wants to take revenge on himself as his final devotion to you. He wants to prove something, anything. But he can't.

It hurts worse than hell. The way he hurt you. The look on your face. The hatred in your voice. He hated the way it hurt. He hated the throbbing pain in his heart when he revisited the memories of the rejection. He hated that he had a heart, he wanted to tear it out his chest and throw it in a bush or something. He wanted to get rid of it and never have these feelings again.

It scared him how much he was afraid of losing you although he already had. He hated how he was such a train wreck and you were probably getting over it already. He didn't wanna get over it.

Cause someone loved him. You loved him. The girl he had gotten the closest to since he joined the survey corps and the girl who had always been there for him since the start. The girl who helped him through his friend's deaths and the girl who never down talked him because of where he came from. The girl he had gotten so comfortable with that he could simply fall asleep in her arms. The girl he knew for years yet could hurt in an instant. You were the girl. The girl who fucking loved him and had that love stomped on and destroyed.

In all his filthy life he never thought he'd find love like this. Yet here you were. And he turned it away. Not only that but he turned it away so harshly that he could never take it back. He fell for a girl he barely knew. And soon that girl he barely knew became the person he knew best and the person who knew him best.

He loved you. He loved you so much it hurt. There was no question about it. No I guess, no maybe, no perhaps. He knew. He always did.

But it didn't matter anymore. Because now you're a far distance from him. You're over there while he's over here. Left to sulk in his regrets and stubbornness.

He doesn't wanna feel better. He can't feel better. No one will ever love him like you did. No one will ever love him again. He doesn't wanna get over you, he can't. All he wants to do is go back to cuddling you in bed. He wants to feel better. But that better is only if you're there.

♥ Thank you for reading ♥

[moonlady101]

I’ve just finished reading both Letters from the heroines and The art of loving, and I’m amazed at how this man can be so sexist and obnoxious and then suddenly write things like the letter from Ariadne to Thesseus or like the letter from Enone to Paris. How the hell is he so good at portraying different types of women? Like Medea is so angry and frustrated, while Penelope is so tired and sad, he managed to portray not only the lament of young girls in love and desperate, but a whole display of female characters who have been affected by the hero, who in the main story were nothing but a pretext. 

Ovid, a man who wrote an entire book on how to trick and seduce women, on how women were made to be seduced, who literally said that even when she says no, go for it, she will enjoy it; gave voice to the women of greek myths who (with the exceptions of some of them like Medea or Dido) had been completely silenced. And he did so pointing the cowardice of men like Pyrrus (Achille’s son) or Thesseus, he shows Paris’ arrogance, Aeneas’ selfishness... He does not justify their actions, he shows them for what they are.

Ovid cared about love above all things, and even if he was self absorbed and even if his thoughts were completely affected by the mentality of a time where women were merely another thing for a man to own, he put himself for a moment on the other side and gave us a picture of it, a tale about the real victims of all those wars, the ones who stayed home, or who were forced to leave their homes, left on their own afterwards to pick up the mess made by those who left.

[mochieisawitch]

songs I painfully relate to but I don’t explain why

this one’s a bit of a long one, I just never get to share the parts that I picked the songs on this playlist for with anyone, so now I guess I’m sharing it with everyone.

Pure as a Lamb - Baby Bugs

Now I feel dirty

look what you did

I want an object

I was a kid

and I’m scarred and mangled

I am used

and all of this because of you.

Goddess - Laufey

You took me for a fool

you stole my youth

you wanted this so much

First Love/Late Spring - Mitski

And I was so young when I behaved 25

and now I find I’ve grown into a tall child

so please hurry leave me

I can’t breath

please don’t say you love me

Poison - Blake Roman

What’s the worst part of this hell?

I can only blame myself.

-

Poison, I'm drownin' in poison

I'm fillin' up my glass but it's always hollow

Full of poison, I'm sick of the poison

Wish I had somethin' to live for tomorrow

Main Character - Will Wood

But I ain’t done a fucking thing to you

So god forbid I’m seen just as an average human scene

Art is Dead - Bo Burnham

Entertainers like to seem complicated

But we're not complicated

I can explain it pretty easily

Have you ever been to a birthday party for children?

And one of the children

Won't stop screaming

Cause he's just a little attention attractor

When he grows up

To be a comic or actor

He'll be rewarded

For never maturing

For never understanding or learning

That every day

Can't be about him

There's other people

You selfish asshole

Mirror Man - Jack Stauber

They turned me down now I live my nightmare

Gotta be seen by someone out tjere

now I sit here in reflection chamber

Fixing myself so that all can savor

Francis Forever - Mitski

And autumn comes when your not yet done

with the summer passing by

but I don’t think I can stand to be

where you don’t see me

Evil - Melanie Martinez

See the horns on my head their from goddesses, goddesses

on god.

no I never knew what it meant

what it meant to be content with you

everything I expressed

I professed it never quite made it through

said it’s all in my head

all in my head whenever I spoke my truth

no I won’t defend you to all my friwnds

this time I refuse

if you hit my hand again

I will never feed you

you can call me evil.

overgrown garden - beetlebug

I wonder when you left me behind that day

Asleep beneath the willow withering away

If you were okay

Because I would do anything for you

Two Time - Jack Stauber

*This one I actually don’t have a specific lyric for. It’s mainly the vibe of being in love and being afraid to express it.*

Someday Soon - Baby Bugs

Cause someday soon you'll feel fine And your problem's not as bad as mine

You're still so young It's dumb to whine

Are you medicated?

Stop getting so frustrated All these symptoms you just created

Crying by myself again Begging for some kind of end

You say I'll heal, I'm wonderin' when I'll stay isolated

I'll stay unmotivated if you think my words are exaggerated Well, I'll still feel violated

Just Take My Wallet - Jack Stauber

what’s the softest way to say

you took away my friend, my buddy?

what’s the softest way to say

you took away my friend?

Blow My Brains Out - Tikkle Me

Lucky is she who lives unaware

who doesn’t get bothered by those who don’t care

unlucky me who knows way too much

who fights to make changes and music and such

unlucky me aware of the pain

all cause I happen to have some brain

Feel Better - Penelope Scott

*this one is also just vibes, of missing someone and knowing they’re never coming back, so you refuse to cope.*

Animal - Sir Chloe

I’m asking nicely

give me what I want

I’ll ask politely

give me what I want

Art is Dead - Bo Burnham

I am an artist

please god forgive me

I am an artist

please don’t revere me

I am an artist

please don’t respect me

I am an artist

feel free to correct me

-

but I’m just a kid

I’m just a kid, kid

and maybe I’ll grow out of it.

Love Me, Normally - Will Wood

And I’d rather be normal

yes so normal

I suggest that we keep this informal

cause a normal

human being wouldn’t need

no

to pretend to be normal

to be normal

well I guess that’s the least that owe ya

Letter to my 13 year old self - Laufey

*also just vibes, given that I am 13. Everything that she mentions fits into what I’m experiencing right now at school.*

Joy - Emhahee

*vibes again, it’s a very good description of what autism, anxiety, and adhd can be like*

Misery Meat - Sodikken

*vibes of being used for one thing and thrown away when that use is done. Also doing so without complaint.*

Rät - Penelope Scott

and the worst part is I loved you

I loved you

I loved you

it’s true

and sometimes I feel like I still fucking do

I Can’t Decide - Scissor Sisters

I can’t decide

whether you should live or die

oh your probably going to heaven

please don’t hang your head and cry.

Perfume - Lovejoy

seems like all her friends

abruptly fell in loce

and she was in the dust

darling, life was streaming past

So she learnt to lie

she learnt how to pretend

a drama in the futile

a means to an end

2econd 2ight 2eer - Will Wood

I’m just a psycho babe

come and go out my mind

I didn’t lose it babe

there wasn’t much to find

Autotheist - Baby Bugs

You are not my god you sent all of these people after me

you are not my god you kept me from feeling anything

and who says your a god at all?

god is only me!

and when I become god

I promise you’ll believe in me

Disobedient - Rebecca Sugar/Kate Micucci

I think about all the waisted time I spent

I wanna be disobedient

I shoot awake wondering where my summers went

I wanna be

disobedient

disobedient

disobedient

Leeches - Melanie Martinez

*just the vibe of this song, like just this song rlly hit hard for me*

The Contortionist - Melanie Martinez

*also just this song hits so hard.*

He Loves Me (He Loves Me Not) - Baby Bugs *again. Just this song, all the lyrics, hit too hard.*

Against the Kitchen Floor - Will Wood

*ALL OF IT. ITS THE WHOLE SONG.*

Things to Do - Alex G

Hold on tight to this time this place

cause everything you know will be erased

you were born inside your head

and that is where you’ll be when you are dead

you’re just a boy you are no man and

nobody you know will understand

Goodbye - Bo Burnham

am I going crazy

would I even know?

am I right back where I started fourteen years ago

wanna guess the ending if it ever does

I swear to god that all I ever wanted was

a little bit of everything all of the time

-

well well look who’s inside again

went out to look for a reason to hide again

well well buddy you found it

now come out with your hands up they got you surrounded

Let You Break My Heart Again - Laufey

*all of the words in this song hit diff*

Talk to Me - Cavetown

It’s so dark outside tonight

build a fire warm and bright

and the wind it howls and bites

fight it back with all your might

anxiety

tossing turning in your sleep

Blue Hair - TV Girl

There’s really no way of winning

if in their eyes

you’ll always be a dumb blonde

and she cried

over nothing

Step on Me - the Cardigans

Oh

I think your holding the heart of mine

squeeze it apart that’s fine

Kaleidoscope - Chappell Roan

if you want to leave

I’ll never make you stay

Sing My Song - Big City Greens

so if you feel your wrong

and don’t belong

just do your own thing

and say so long

yeah that’s what I’m doing as I make up this song

yeah it feels so good to sing my song

Ballad of a Homeschool Girl - Olivia Rodrigo

I broke the glass

I tripped and fell

I told secrets I shouldn’t tell

I stumbled over all my words

I made it weird

I made it worse

each time I step outside

its social-suicide

Candleburn - Rabbitology

they put an apple in your hand but don’t you dare bite it

a match and a wick but don’t you dare light it

temptation be a sin don’t look anymore behind it

that’s just how it is

don’t you dare fight it

Wasted Summers - juju<3

I wasted like half of my summer tryna hold on your hand

your the leech I’m the man

I guess you don’t understand

Nobody’s a nobody - The amazing world of Gumball

*I guess this one is just the vibe for me*

Raincloud - Baby Bugs

before the storm even started

I knew it would be this way

I fought for so long

against everything wrong

but I’m the reason that I’m not okay

She Used to be Mine - Sara Bareilles

*all of the lyrics hit diff with this one*

You Can’t Hide - Baby Bugs

*all of the lyrics, again.*

Skinny - Billie Eilish

But the old me is still me

and maybe the real me

and I think she’s pretty

just a girl - no doubt

I’m just a girl

I’m just a girl in the world

that’s all that you’ll let me be.

Burn My Mirror - Baby Bugs

Theres something wrong with this vessel of mine

I think its in my bones

I think it’s in my mind

there’s something so haunting about being alive

knowing that any second

I could run out of time

Nurses Offices - Melanie

*I actually hide in the nurses office when the bullying gets too much, and if I fake a fever or a period cramp I can get out of school.*

Pity Party - Melanie Martinez

It’s my party and I’ll cry if I want to

cry if I want to

cry cry cru

I’ll cry until the candles burn down this place

I’ll cry until my pity party’s in flames

[anonymouslylovesyou]

Season 2 episode 6 @whoblewboobear

Episode is named The Choice which mildly foreboding

No wonder Jack was into Cressida he enjoys "a woman who seizes control"

Colin has a hangover lol

Noo not Violet and Lady Danbury fighting

Benedict is giving little brother

Do not call Daphne selfish I'll kill you

I know for a fact this wedding doesn't go through so I'm nervous as hell

Oh my god I can fucking see Kate walking down the aisle even as a bridesmaid is actively changing this man's brain chemistry

Also can I say big F to Colin bc Benedict is the best man, he's not quite in with any of his siblings

BRO STOP LOOKONG AT KATE DURING YOUR WEDDING TO HER SISTER OR AT LEAST BE SUBTLE

This scks so bad they are embarrassing me are you serious

Oh no Edwinda is realizing

WE'VE GOT A RUNNER

Folks the door is open

God I was right to be nervous it went down extremely badly

Benedict pulling through on best man duties right now and Daphne is snitching to their mom

Anthony is bungling this conversation SHE CALLED HER SISTER A THRON AND REFUSES TO SAY HE LOVES HER(that part is good as saying otherwise would be a lie) bruh your ass is now coming out of this married

Jack is trying to pull the moves on Penelope's mom like a lot. Sir she's not slamming you down big style

Oh my god a wedding renewal for the royals??? This is how they save it

Edwinda came in clutch to talk down the king

The Penelope/Colin moments are starting to drop folks!

Fucked up for gloves to be on everybody all the time, my ass would be so touch starved

Bamboozled by Edwinda into meeting in the chapel!

Eloise do you have a crush on Theo be so real

Is it just the outfits or does almost nobody in this show have boobs, I'm not intending to look disrespectful but also

"Goodbye my lord" *makes out with him in the church we're anyone could see*

AND THE EPISODE ENDS THERES???

[sharpsuite]

heh. idk if anyone here is a fan of Epic the Musical (if you're not you should listen esp if you like mythology) but Ann is very Penelope-coded while Chishiya is very Athena in the beginning & Poseidon themed.

And what's gorgeous about that?? Chishiya has the god-like apathy, selfishness, and pride. He goes off logic no matter what ; as Athena says "Put your emotions aside" and when Poseidon says Odysseus should have killed the Cyclops to avoid everything that happened, which Chishiya would ALSO have recommended. Sure. Poseidon doesn't want the cyclops killed but if Odysseus HAD done it, then Poseidon wouldn't be after him "You totally could have avoided this had you just killed my son. But nooo. " & "You are far too nice, mercy has a price. " Chishiya showcases this in the first game we see him in ; he doesn't think anyone in the tag game will help each other until Usagi actually answers Arisu & Karube. He still keeps an 'out for himself first and foremost' mindset though.

Whereas Ann has the very HUMAN caring, trust in others, resilience in the face of trials and threats that Penelope has ( if you've heard the leaked snippet of The Challenge. ) She's aware she can't hold out forever, just like Ann knows she can't directly go against the militants after Hatter's death. But she still perseveres, choosing peace to check the knife for fingerprints rather than violence. And she can admit when she needs help from the people around her. Hell, in the King of Spades game, she literally is buying time for Arisu like Penelope buying time for Odysseus to FINALLY get home to Ithaca.

[petalsmooth]

I mean I get the Theo thing in typical high school prickly meet cute type of way; where clash at first meet but sparks interest because exceeded their expectations and instant sexual awakening you see in any number of teen movies. It's just done regency style here. I don't even mind it, or I didn't until the actor revealed his idea of enhancing the character was to have him strip down even though playing opposite a 18 or 19 year never been kissed regency virgin who's not even supposed to be alone with you let alone see you without a shirt buttoned up to your neck. But I digress....

But as a husband? Hell no...I agree with above if really wanted him would have been willing to give up everything for him. It's what Bridgerton's do. Even Anthony offered Siena possibility of running off together, albeit only if under threat of arrest for dueling. Eloise is no different than her siblings in this regard.

But more than that Eloise has a number of flaws. People like to focus on her beign amazing but honestly on Bridgerton you need to look at their worst characteristics too, because they need a partner for whom those traits can become either a compliment to their partner or at least not viewed as a source of irritation. With Eloise she is always going to have a selfish bent imo even if matures a bit her season and always be talkative. She needs someone who genuinely adores listening to her and appreciates her even if doesn't always agree with her. That's why she and Pen are better friends btw than with Cressida. I mean I think Penelope needs to develop a bit more of a backbone with Eloise so she doesn't erupt in frustration at times because Eloise isn't listening, or bury her true thoughts because thinks Eloise can't accept them. But for the most part she enjoys listening to her company even if they are different.

I think Eloise's partner has to genuinely enjoy and appreciate her in the same Way BUT additionally be willing to challenge some of her ideas or present their ideas and in so doing giving Eloise a platform to mature and listen to other viewpoints and have respectable discourse. Not with the aim of changing who she is, but trusting she has the capacity for empathy or expanding her understanding if not coddled.

Also definitely think her partner needs to have an excess of patience and passion of his own. I definitely think she's be bored of anyone who needed her undivided attention 24/7. Even if the passion isn't one she shares, it's important that partner understands that obsessive passion she possesses so they can relate.

They will need to be more modern in thought as well. Not in sense have to attend political rallies but even if Eloise has children, she'd never desire to be like Daphne and make being a "wife and mother" her main job. No shame in that job, it's just not what she wants.

For same reasons I rebel at idea of Colin being a "male wife" because it's not what HE wants despite Shondaland talking of him like that I'd rebel at HER identity being "wife" because it's not what SHE wants. I don't think she's figured out how to channel her passions into a professional direction yet, but she's going to want more than setting that day's menu. She can certainly have that as PART of her identity, just as she can be a wife and one day maybe mother (which I don't think she wants right now but may when older) but she definitely wants some sort of way to contribute to society besides being a rich Bridgerton in way Colin and Pen did.