#peanut butter barney

[jackbugz]

You guys I have a theory!

[konzenkoryuu]

To this day, I, an adult who grew up in the 90s, cannot make a pbj without singing to myself, even though I do not actually make it from scratch.

“First you take the peanuts and you crush them, you crush them! ‘Cause it’s peanut…peanut butter, and jelly!”

[scavengerssuccotash]

Who’s the better cook/does the cooking?

Who doesn’t love talking about food?

As for who’s the better cook my bet is on Clint. He’s a master of the home cooked hearty meal. Having been raised in the circus, and then dropped into foster care with his brother Barney (my own headcanon) he has had learn how to cook and fend for himself at a very early age. The first meal he ever cooked on the stove was an expired box of kraft macaroni and cheese which he “dressed” up with whatever spices he could find and bits of freezer burnt hot dogs. It wasn’t the tastiest meal but it kept him and Barney’s belly full for the night and that was good enough for him. After that Clint picked up a knack for unconventional comfort foods: peanut butter and pickles, canned sardines with mayo, and of course bagged popcorn. (It also doesn’t help that their foster father drank the money he received from the state away. Clint learned some really valuable lessons on being early for the Sunday morning food drive at the local churches. Early birds get the worm or in this case fresh produce.)

After leaving the army and joining SHIELD his culinary skills drastically improved and from then on he kept tinkering around in the kitchen. He enjoys cooking when he has the time. The first meal he cooked Natasha was chili, with sour cream, cheese and a dash of cinnamon to temper the heat of the peppers. (Natasha scarfed down two bowls, and passed out on his couch while he cleaned up.)

Natasha is a better baker than she is a cook. There’s something about the precise measurements and temperature that comes naturally to her. So, when they have the rare day off she’ll back cookies or cupcakes to much on throughout the day while Clint figures out what to do for dinner.

The first meal they cooked together, however, was a straight disaster.

“How did we fuck up mac and cheese, Nat.”

“I didn’t fuck up shit, Clint you’re the one who grabbed oatmilk and not regular milk.”

“You grabbed goat cheese! The fanciest you get for Mac and cheese is Gouda or Havarti everyone knows that!”

A shared giggle.

“You wanna order Chinese?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

[tigresslanzhu]

New Moon Pit Stops

Hobbes: We’re coming across a city. Everyone tell me what you want to eat for dinner and I’ll stop there.

Artica: Cheddar garlic biscuits!

Johnny: Onion blossoms!

Nooshy: Yakisoba!

Meena: I dont mind eating some soup.

Gunter: Pizza!

Buster: Peanut butter and jelly.

Nana: PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY?!? MR. MOON, THAT’S THE ONLY THING YOU’VE LET US EAT SINCE WE LEFT THE THEATER! I HATE JELLY AND I HATE BREAD AND I HATE PEANUT BUTTER! I AM SO SICK OF PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICHES EVERY SINGLE DAY! WE’RE EATING SOME REAL FOOD FOR ONCE! I’M TELLING HOBBES TO PULL UP AT THIS ITALIAN AND SEAFOOD JOINT!

Buster: 🎶 OOOOOOOOOOOOH, THIS IS THE SONG THAT DOESN’T EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEND! 🎵

Hobbes: All right, Master Moon! Here’s another Baby Barney’s Peanut Butter Sandwich Emporium! ARE YOU HAPPY NOW?!?

[roosterm3attrash]

Do you think barney loves peanut butter ?

Do you need to talk or? Like is everything ok?

[little-delicacy]

5 calorie chocolate almond butter drops

hello lovelies ! coming at you today with one of my favoritest things ever. a lot of sweets i've made taste like an4, but these are actually so delicious and they taste so smooth and creamy, you can't even tell they're only five calories.

ingredients:

2 tbsp unsweetened powdered almond butter - 90 (i use barney butter's, you can use powdered peanut butter like pb2 if you want, i just don't like the taste)

1 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder - 10

2 packets stevia - 0

1-2 tbsp water - 0

mix all the ingredients together in a bowl and spoon into 20 drops, and then freeze (you can make these bigger or smaller depending on what you like, but it would change the calories per drop). the entire recipe is only 100 calories so you could totally eat the whole thing, but because these are made with almond butter they're super satisfying so i usually only eat 2-4, which means i can have my sweets without throwing off my goals !

[hybridmindthoughtsreloaded]

Potentially cancer-causing chemical may be in your peanut butter

A nonprofit organization called Clean Label Project conducted tests on popular peanut butter brands to check for acrylamide, a potentially cancer-causing chemical. Acrylamide forms naturally when nuts are roasted quickly, which is a concern for children who often consume peanut butter as a snack. The organization partnered with independent lab Ellipse Analytics to test 125 of the top-selling brands in America. The study found that almond butters from Justin's Classic, Barney Butter, and Maranatha had higher levels of acrylamide compared to peanut butter. On the other hand, brands like Jiff, Earth Balance, and Market Pantry were found to have the cleanest peanut butters. Notably, the FDA does not regulate acrylamide levels in food, except for California, which has set an acceptable level of 0.2 micrograms per day. Clean Label Project aims to help consumers make more informed choices by testing products behind the label.

[schmergo]

I think the incident that made me first realize that you can’t trust adults was the “Peanut Butter and Jelly” song from Barney. If you didn’t grow up with Barney or don’t remember what I’m talking about, the lyrics describe how to make peanut butter and jelly... highly inaccurately. They chant things like, “First you take the peanuts and you crush ‘em, you crush ‘em. Then you take the grapes and you squish ‘em, you squish ‘em.”

WELL, NEWS FLASH, YOU PURPLE MONSTROSITY. I TRIED THAT AND ENDED UP WITH PEANUT DUST AND GRAPE GOO. WHAT ELSE ARE YOU LYING ABOUT, BARNEY? THAT WE’RE NOT REALLY A HAPPY FAMILY? THAT YOU NEVER LOVED ME?

[jackbugz]

ugh. distgustingm,

[justkleinerthoughts]

Barney Calhoun's favorite foods: 1.Banana 2.Applesauce 3.Cheese 4.Peanut Butter 5.Banana 6.Cheese 7.Peanut Butter 8.Banana 9.Applesauce 10.Banana 11.Peanut Butter 12.Banana 13.Pickles 14.Pickles 15.Spam 9.Banana 10.Spam 11.Peanut Butter 12.Cheese 13.Applesauce 14.Beef Stroganoff 15.Spam

[trickshxt]

barney, king of “oh my god you do NOT live like this so help me I will kick your ass myself then stock your god damn fridge and make you food”, while also spiraling and living off of peanut butter sandiwches and tortilla chips when his ptsd is kicking his ass

he’s taking no criticisms on this point at this time

[thatonekidsshowlover]

Ok, I wanted to talk about my dreams when I was sleeping. So I was sleeping, and then my parents came in to show me a surprise, so I woke up, ate, dressed, and I was holding my barney talking doll. So when my parents were driving, then they arrived me to a place I have never seen in real life. (Only on Television) A Big, Amazing, Colourful, World of.. THE BARNEY AND FRIENDS STUDIO!!! I was so excited to see it for the first time in real life! I was so hyped, that I get to meet Barney and his friends! We did pictures, play games, and had a lots of fun. And then it was time to go, after I said bye to Barney, I showed him my talking Barney doll. He was so pleased to see i have a toy version of him. So and then, we went home. Until is was my birthday, Barney the Dinosaur came in to my birthday! I was so super dee duper happy! We ate cake and played games, and most of all, I gave Barney a Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich! (His favourite) So then, it was time for Barney to go, but after when he was going, he decided to sing me the "I love you you love me" song. It was so calming. 😌 And then Barney went out from my house, saying goodbye, my birthday party was over. And we relaxed and stayed home. That's my first dream. And let's move on to my next dream. The same thing happend to my Barney dream, but it was different. My parents took me to... THE TELETUBBIES STUDIO!! I WAS VERY VERY EXCITED!! So, I got to meet the Teletubbies and we took pictures and stuff. I discovered the place from Teletubbyland, it was like I'm in heaven. 😍 the Teletubbies was behind me, walking with me, and they were holding hands. I felt like I was special. So the Teletubbies showed me their beds, their favourite things, and they even let me play with them! Tinky Winky let me play his handbag, Dipsy let me play with his hat, Laa-Laa let me play with her ball, and Po let me to play her scooter. It was so Tubbytastic! I had so much fun! 😁 I even went to the top of Teletubbyland! And went down from the slide! It was so much fun. But we had to go, so after we were going, I decided to give the Teletubbies a big hug, They were so fluffy and fuzzy! It's like a pillow! So we went to home and we stayed there. That's all I have for today. Hope you guys understand and I will see you next time!

[barneyverse]

Chapter 1 - Loen drinks Barney Milk and fucking dies

Cast:

- Loen

- Rosa

- Bunny

- Loen Barney

- Barney

- Nya

- Klair

- Keiji

Date: 15/1/2022

This is the first chapter of the barney world story. The beginning of everything. This story is pretty cursed and fucked so proceed at your own risk

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

[ At Rosa's Bar ]

Rosa: I GOT ALMOST FIRED FOR DOING MY JOB, CAME HERE, SOBBED, GOT DRUNK AND NOW I OWN THE PLACE

Barney: You were the chosen one

Rosa: I want to go hooome *sob*

Bunny: DON'T LEAVE

Rosa: If I get fired from AFB, watch how bad business gets. And it'll be your fault, Klair

Klair: *wheezing*

Loen: Bartender, don't leave. I need my alcohol.

Rosa: *incomprehensible yelling*

Zoey: Did someone say alcohol?

Rosa: *more yelling*

Loen: Hit me with your strongest drink

Rosa: Barney milk?

Loen: WTF ..sure whatever

Zoey: You're already drunk, aren't you Loen?

Loen: Maybe

Rosa: Here's your Barney milk. It's free

Loen: Perfect, cause I'm broke *sips his milk*

Klair: *more wheezing*

Loen: It tastes like peanut butter and jelly?

Rosa: whAT-

Klair: Loen I-

Zoey: You are disgusting, Loen

Loen: Wanna drink with me?

Rosa: ..Loen please get out of my bar *pulls out a gun*

Loen: No

Rosa: Loen. Leave. Before I call Barney

Zoey: Do you serve any normal drinks here?

Rosa: Yes, we do. Here's the menu *gives Zoey menu*

Loen: WHAT DID I DO??

Rosa: You're making my customers uncomfortable *vaguely gestures at the empty seats*

Loen: I'm literally your only customer

Zoey: Ahem.

Rosa: I'm still importing more drinks since this bar is fairly new

Zoey: That's alright. Whiskey and vodka. *waits for her drink*

Loen: *is drunk af*

Rosa: Here are your drinks! That's £16.75 in total.

Zoey: Wonderful. This is so crisp.

Loen: I don't feel well...

Zoey: Loen, you should go to the hopsital.

[ At hopsital ]

Loen: I don't feel so good..... *pukes rainbows*

Bunny: Shame. Did you eat or drink anything bad?

Klair: *sigh* I saw him at Rosa's bar

Bunny: Go on...

Klair: And he-

Loen: I had Barney milk

Klair: Yeah-

Bunny: Anything else?

Rosa: DOCTOR ROSA ARRIVED! I'M NOT LATE

Klair: I-

Rosa: DOCTOR BUNNY, WE NEED TO PERFORM EMERGENCY SURGERY ON LOEN!

Klair: WHAT ABOUT ME??

Rosa: Nurse Klair, Nya and Keiji, we require assistance

Keiji: Why am I a nurse??

Bunny: DOCTOR ROSA, WHAT DO WE DO? THIS IS AN EMERGENCY

Nya: I'M HERE! WITH A GUN!

Bunny: LOEN ARE YOU OK?

Rosa: LOEN HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

Loen: NOOOOO *cries in Barney*

Nya: How was the milk?

Loen: It was ok when I drank it. Now it's terrible.

Nya: Oh god you enjoyed it for a second

Keiji: Wait, why are we talking about milk?

Rosa: Loen drank Barney milk

Nya: Here's what google says *shows phone*

Bunny: *wipes Loen's mouth with sanitiser*

Loen: THE SANITISER IS SO YUMMY

Rosa: *cries*

Nya: *sobs*

Bunny: Wipe your tears! NOW WE SHALL RUN LOEN IN VICKS

Nya: I'm not paid enough for this shit

Bunny: WE'RE ALL UNDERPAID! I'M LITERALLY A DOCTOR, FARMER AND WAITRESS

Klair: *sigh* Loen is possessed. You guys need a priest

Rosa: I WAS ALMOST FIRED FROM A MINIMUM WAGE JOB BECAUSE OF YOU WHAT DO YOU MEAN

Nya: You had a reason to be fired

Rosa: I WAS DOING MY JOB! I'M TAKING THIS TO THE SUPREME COURT

Bunny: ORDER! ORDER! LOEN IS DYING

Loen: *sobs in vicks*

Rosa: I'll dig your grave for you, Loen, don't worry. It'll be a nice grave

Keiji: ..I can't believe I'm involving myself but...cranberry juice is an effective remedy

Rosa: YOU ARE GOD! LOEN DRINK THE CRANBERRY JUICE

Loen: UMM HELP

Rosa: He didn't drink the cranberry juice in time *sob*

Loen Barney: Roar *drinks the juice*

Rosa: WAIT NO SPIT IT OUT *chokes the Barney*

Loen Barney: *spits* OUCH

Rosa: Ok thank you-

Nya: Did you drink your own milk

Bunny: *wheeze*

Rosa: I'm sorry Loen Barney, but you can't drink it yet. It'll turn you back to normal, and we need to clone you first

Loen Barney: EXCUSE ME

Rosa: Please step inside the machine-

Loen Barney: GIVE BACK THE JUICE

Nya: Milk juice I see

Bunny: ARE YOU SURE ABOUT THIS DOCTOR ROSA?

Rosa: YES *turns on machine*

。 。 。

Rosa: SUCCESS! WE HAVE CLONED LOEN BARNEY!! Ok which one is the original

Nya: Who drank the milk juice first

Loen Barney: I drank Barney milk and now look at me

Loen Barney: I drank the milk what do you mean

Rosa: *wheeze*

Bunny: ROSAAAAA

Loen Barney: YOU FAKE! Wanna fight, huh?

Loen Barney: I'm not fighting you

Loen Barney: Lame

Rosa: WHO'S THE ORIGINAL I WONDER

Loen Barney: Me

Loen Barney: Me

Loen Barney: Eat my ass

Rosa: We need to give the original Loen the cranberry juice. Only original Loen will transform back

Loen Barney: GIVE ME IT

Loen Barney: FOR THE LOVE OF GOD

Loen Barney: I'M THE ORIGINAL ONE

Loen Barney: MEEE

Rosa: *wheeze*

Bunny: *wheeze*

Loen Barney: YOU FAKE SHIT

Loen Barney: YOU'RE THE FAKE ONE

Loen Barney: NAH UH

Loen Barney: YES YOU ARE

Loen Barney: *sob* LET ME BE MYSELF AGAIN *snatches cranberry juice*

Loen Barney: GIVE ME THAT *takes cranberry juice*

Loen Barney: *Aggressively takes it back and licks juice*

Loen: !! Now that was the wildest drink I have ever had

Loen Barney: NOOOO

Rosa: It worked!

Bunny: Thank god

Rosa: Bunny, would you mind keeping Loen Barney in the farm?

Bunny: Of course

Loen: I will be writing a review

Rosa: YOU WANTED MY STRONGEST DRINK

Loen: I WAS NOT AWARE OF THE SIDE EFFECTS

Rosa: IT'S FREE FOR A REASON! AND THE SIDE EFFECTS ARE LISTED ON THE BOTTLE, DID YOU NOT READ IT??

Loen: NO, WHY WOULD I BE RESPONSIBLE

Rosa: WHY WERE YOU NOT RESPONSIBLE

Loen: I WAS DRUNK

Rosa: I-

My review on Hopsital

This was the worst care I have ever had. They did not give me the treatment I needed quick enough, resulting in my death and transformation into a dinosaur. The doctors then cloned me without my consent and then they refused to give me the cranberry juice.

Never ever come here

- Loen

Bunny: I will now inject Loen Barney with cranberry juice to see the side effects. *injects juice* How do you feel, Loen Barney?

Loen Barney: I'm still barney *sob*

Rosa: Seems cranberry juice won't work on Loen Barney...OH, LOEN BARNEY COULD YOU WRITE A REVIEW

My review on Hopsital

⭐ ⭐ ⭐ ⭐

Amazing care. I was birthed here, and they looked after me well. My only concern is that they didn't give me cranberry juice and dropped the fact that I was a clone during my early stages, but perhaps it's better for me to know.

I will definitely come back again

- Loen Barney

[quietlyimplode]

hiii u write really well. could I maybe get a clintasha w + ! ✔ from the symbol prompts list? thank youuuuu

Hey Anon! Thanks so much. It seems these ones are pretty popular!! (To the last Anon from Spain - do you have any ship you’d like me to do? I assume Clint/Nat but let me know if you have different ideas)

.. just so you know, this is completely out of my head and onto paper so apologies in advance for the inevitable mistakes! (Warnings for referenced child abuse beyond the cut)

...

+ : being led back to bed with patient whispers

! : that classic collapse into someone’s waiting arms

✓: waking up either adorably confused or painfully scared

Three times Clint woke up confused and the one time he didn’t.

1/

He’s in a hospital in the outskirts of London, broken arm and some kind of infection that’d wrecked havoc with his innards, making him see stars. Someone had found him collapsed in the shopping centre when he’d convinced himself he was fine and food shopping was a good idea.

They'd called the ambulance and now he was here, half out of it but feeing the needle in his hand. They’d decided to just put him on a drip, cast his arm properly and keep him for observation overnight. It was not what he wanted.

Having completed the kill mission, he was a wanted man. Clint knew he couldn’t stay here but it was warm and he was actually feeling better.

Sighing. He stands on shaky legs.

The drip.. The drip, he thinks. Does he pull it out or make it come with him. Taking a deep breath in, he inches the needle out, holding his hand and blood comes with it. Shit. There’s alarms going, an incessant beeping.

Ok so he’s started it now; may as well follow through with his escape plan.

To the bathroom.

Get changed.

Get out.

Back to the safe house. He tells himself.

Repeats it so it sinks in.

To the bathroom.

He takes a single step, and then another and makes it the short distance to the bathroom.

Resting on the toilet seat, he tries to focus on getting changed. If he was better at his job he wouldn’t be in this mess, he chastises himself. Natasha wouldn’t have eaten the mystery pub food, as he did the night before. Wouldn’t have got into an unnecessary bar fight.

It’s just, they were harassing the wait staff, and he couldn’t let them do it. And now, he knows, and his biggest regret is that he’s going to have to do all the paperwork and write out why he’s sustained a broken wrist.

I’m fine. He tells himself standing. His stomach gurgling loudly. Maybe he should have stayed in his hotel room, wallowed there instead of gone searching for food.

“Keep saying that and maybe you will be,” comes a familiar voice.

He looks up.

“You shouldn’t be here.” He replies, “you should be in Sweden, romancing.. Someone?”

She smiles.

“Come on,” Natasha squats next to him, kisses his cheek. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

Clint pulls back. “We gotta leave, we gotta go,” he eyes the door, expecting trouble to find him.

“Hey,” Natasha pushes his head back to look at hers, helping him to stand, “you think I haven’t cleared it and made it safe?” She leads him gently back to the single bed with the whitest sheets known to mankind.

“Safe?” He clarifies.

“As houses.” She replies, “we’ll go tomorrow.”

.

2/

The shouts are louder now. The whole house echos and Barney tries to keep the game going, tries to drown out the sound of a slap with the movement of chess pieces on the board.

“Your turn Clint.” He says. Clint can’t focus on the chess board, the pieces moving as he looks down from above. Chess pieces. He can do this.

The door bangs open, and both boys stand. Instinctively Barney is in front of Clint’s small frame, and the shouting gets louder. Clint scrambles backwards as Barney backs up. When they hit the wall they don’t have anywhere to go, the chess pieces go flying.

It’s ok, he wants to tell Barney, I have it memorised, we can keep playing. But the thought is quickly forgotten. His name is called. He thinks it’s his mum.

It’s repeated over and over.

He feels her hand on his shoulder

But that’s not right.

It’s not his mum.

It’s more desperate now.

“Clint.” He hears.

He’s scared. He wants it to be his mum. But.

She’s dead. If he opens his eyes and it’s not her…

“Clint.”

He takes the plunge, pulls back a sob when he realises it’s Natasha. Red hair, not brown, surrounds her face and he can’t help but be disappointed.

“I’m awake.” He mumbles.

Natasha pulls back, taking him in.

“You ok?” She asks.

Clint grunts non-commitally and rolls over, unable to stop his heart beating painfully in his chest. Grief bubbling.

Natasha doesn’t know what to do. Clint always knows what to do when waking her up from nightmares.

“I’m sorry ,” she whispers. And rubs his back, in what she hopes is a comforting gesture.

.

3/

Fury ok’d the exchange. Clint for a faceless Hydra agent. Perhaps he’s high up but Natasha doesn’t know or care. She would pull apart the world for him, so it was likely the better of the two options.

The exchange happens on a bridge, three on each side. Natasha stands tall, waiting to see him as the car pulls up, Fury is one side of her, Maria on the other. If they were to blow up this bridge, they would have a huge advantage over Shield but it goes to show how much they want Clint back. How important he is, to her. To them.

They watch as Hydra pushes Clint towards them. They do the same to the blindfolded man. Tell him to walk straight.

Clint makes it a falter in his last step, as Natasha catches him as he falls.

“I’ve got you.” She whispers in his ear. “I’ve got you.” Maria helps her get him into the car, Fury covering both their backs and they drive away. Rescue complete.

Natasha watches Clint like a hawk, waking him, soothing him, giving him all the antibiotics at their allocated time. His nightmares aren’t as volatile as hers but still require the same reassurance and comfort. He wakes up frequently, confusion covering his face, she tells his where he is and what’s happening. She’s happy to do it, relief at his safety and having him home.

He’s more with it the next day, eating peanut butter on toast and complaining about Hydras lack of hospitality.

“Thanks.” He says ruefully. Natasha smiles at him.

“You’d do the same for me.”

Clint laughs, “damn straight.”

.

+1

Clint is used to waking up in weird situations but none is so weird as Natasha laying on his chest, breathing softly, in a deep sleep.

He huffs a smile and kisses the crown of her head.

.

From this list (feel free to send one in) or tag me any other prompt lists that look fun!