#patrick i will defend you to the ends of the earth

[sparrowseagles]

all these fics with Patrick confessing to being in love with Art first... like yeah.. yes of course. but also......... mayhaps... it should be the other way around? Like. Patrick's main deal is he gets sex pretty much whenever he wants. Hell, he even gets tashi multiple times. But he never gets a ring. he never gets commitment. he never gets someone that stays in his life long enough to become something.

He never gets love. ever like real love love feelings, emotions, the whole bloody affair.

[lovelettersforthedamned]

The Tennis Players and The Girl They’re Always With

✰ art donaldson x f!reader & slight patrick zwieg x f!reader

✰ word count: 1.4k

✰ summary: friends to lovers with your favorite tennis stars.

✰ warnings: language, a heated kiss that turns into more, allusions to smut, minors dni, 18+, art is a simp and has the energy of a kicked puppy while patrick is the cockiest mf on earth.

the people have spoken, and so has my puss...

maybe a part 2???

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───

main m.list ⋆ art donaldson m.list

✰ not my gif, credits to owner.

The concrete under your legs was still warm from the summer sun, even though you were sitting in the shade. Tuesday’s were always practice days for Art and Patrick. And though you were friends with your tennis stars, you never indulged in the sport itself. 

Rhythmic beats of the tennis ball ricocheting off the rackets flooded your ears as you’re face down in your notes. Stanford was a dream come true, especially with one of your best friends attending with you, but when Patrick came into town, so did his reckless behavior. 

⋆⋆⋆⋆

You’ve known the boys since high school, their boarding school just down the street. It wasn’t hard to find them around town, they always seemed to be everywhere you were at the same time as you. When the talk of a house party made its way through town, the three of you ended up talking for hours. 

Once you established your friendship, you made sure to be at both their tennis matches, your enthusiasm for your friends was unmatched. 

⋆⋆⋆⋆

Occasionally, you would look up towards the duo, their ability to perfectly match each other amazes you, even now. It wasn’t long before they began to pack it up for the day, approaching you with sweat on their skin, Patrick wipes his forehead with the bottom of his shirt, “Wanna go grab a bite? I’m starving, fuck.” You quickly shove your notebook in your bag before reaching your hands up, Art and Patrick each grabbing a hand to pull you up. 

“Sure,” you dust off your clothes, “but you guys need to shower or something. You both smell awful.” You begin to walk towards the fence door when you feel warmth and moisture wrap around you. Art and Patrick have entrapped you in a hug, their stink overwhelming your senses. A laugh erupts from your chest while you try to push them off, “Let go!” They finally peel off of you with a laugh, “You guys suck. Maybe I don’t want to go get dinner with you.”

“It was Patrick’s idea,” Art defends himself, and you can’t help but laugh at how easy it was for Art to confess. He’s always been so quick to make sure you’re happy, even if you’re joking. Whether it be making sure you were feeling okay or holding the door open for you, Art was always on top of it. 

Patrick shoves Art in response before you three head over to Art’s dorm. Whenever Patrick was in town, he always stayed at Art’s because his roommate decided to drop out of school with no warning; and honestly, it made life easier. You could stay over whenever you wanted, and Patrick could have his own bed whenever he wanted to visit. 

Art pushes open the door, a wave of cool air hits your cheeks, and you let out a sigh of relief. You make a b-line towards the bed and lay down before you yell out to the pair, “Hurry up, I’m starving.” Shutting your eyes as you bask in the feeling of the mattress. 

The blond is the first to head into the bathroom and freshen up, the sound of water hitting the shower floor is heard throughout the small room. You can feel Patrick grab both of your ankles before lifting them and placing them on his lap as he sits down next to you. He leans his back against the wall before he looks down at you, “You know Art is in love with you, right?”

Your eyes snap open, Patrick’s question catching you off guard. You let out a small giggle, “What?” There’s no way he’s serious. 

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be dumb,” his hand still resting on your ankle, “it’s painful how hard he sucks up to you. And that look in his eyes? That’s something more than a friendship.” 

This makes you think about all the times you’ve had a conversation with Art, you’re trying to understand where Patrick is coming from. But all you do is draw a blank. “First of all, I have no idea what you’re talking about, you’re delusional. And two, Art just cares, like any friend should. There’s nothing wrong with that.” 

The brunette throws his head back in disbelief, “I bet that if you asked, he would tell you everything. He’d do anything for you.” 

You sit up and laugh, “No fucking way–.” You’re cut off by Art opening the door, his towel hanging low on his torso, water beads still falling down his chest. The silence is deafening as you and Patrick stare at him. 

Art can’t help but feel a pang of jealousy as his eyes lay on the sight of you sitting so close to Patrick, that you feel resting on his lap. His cheeks begin to warm, “What?” 

The only thing that’s on your mind is the conversation you had with Patrick before Art’s interruption. Your brain can’t form words, but Patrick is quick on his feet like he always is. “Nothing,” he responds, short and sweet, before he hops off the bed and swiftly enters the bathroom, leaving the two of you in an awkward silence. 

You awkwardly find some stray piece of thread to play with as Art reaches for the clothes in his dresser. Once his back faces you, you look up at him, the muscles in his shoulders accentuating with each slight movement. 

An unexplainable wave of adrenaline appears in your mind, you need to know if Patrick was right. 

Pushing yourself off the twin mattress, you walk over to Art as soon as he turns around. “You’ll tell me if I’m reading this wrong, right?” The air around you is warmer than you remembered. He says nothing but nods his head. The sudden seriousness in your voice catches his attention, his whole being focused on you. “How long have you been in love with me?” 

Art’s eyes widen at your question, his heart is pounding and he can’t find the words to answer. His lack of response was enough to shut you down completely. Your eyes shut in frustration, “I’m so sorry, that was a stupid question.” 

And as usual, Art is quick to ease your worries. “Hey,” he holds you by your waist, “don’t be sorry.” 

All you feel is embarrassment in this moment, “Fuck, I just ruined this, didn’t I?” 

He huffs out a small laugh before pulling you in to capture you in a kiss. His skin is still warm from his shower, and suddenly, you melt into it. Your hands reach up to hold the sides of his face, keeping him in place as his touch entrances you. 

Without you realizing it, you begin to move as Art is leading you towards the wall, pushing you against it. The kiss quickly begins to carry a wave of lust behind it, and you can’t help but moan into his mouth at the eagerness. 

A hand leaves his face, to reach behind him and pull him in impossibly closer as Art’s arms trap you in. When his mouth leaves yours, you whine, but as soon as he ducks his head into your neck and begins to suck on the supple skin there, you don’t complain. 

His damp hair is tickling your cheeks, as a louder moan leaves your lips. He feels too good, and if you don’t feel more of him soon, you think you’ll die. 

Pushing Art off of you, his face flashes a look of sadness before you push him onto the bed. You stand in front of him, his towel falling further down his torso as he spreads his legs, a cocky smirk on his face. You’re just about to climb on top of him when the sound of the bathroom door opens, and suddenly fear attacks your senses. 

There Patrick stood, his mouth slightly agape as his eyes fell on you two. Looking back at Art, he’s in the same boat as you. You can tell he’s embarrassed, and it kills you. You’ve never liked seeing Art upset, it always struck a chord in you to help him. So now, you think fast, and the words that come out of your mouth are unexplainable. 

“Are you just going to stand there? Or are you going to join?”

✰ author's note: holy cow i need the both of them so bad it's criminal. the results of my poll are so funny, EVERYONE LOVES ART DONALDSON. don't forget to like, comment, and reblog!! ok, byeeee!!!

[filthyslashertoad]

I've been wanting to see headcanons with Hannibal Lecter, Poly! Ghostface and Patrick Bateman with a sensitive reader , i don't know why. Can you do it please?

Ok, I may or may not have forgotten that I can get requests and now there's a pile of them...(Btw I will be changing my pfp and my username, filthyslashertoad.)

Slashers with a Sensitive Reader

Hannibal Lecter

Is probably the best slasher to have as a man.

He isn't one to make jokes or rude comments(kind of...) towards people.

Notices whenever people say things that get to you. (He becomes a bit of a mean girl when people insult you)

Defends you to the end of the earth and makes sure that you're ok afterward.

Poly!Ghostface

Billy and Stu try really hard to not offend you but they both end up making you cry a good bit.

They try to make it up to you but a lot of the time when they do they accidentally either make it worse or do it again later on.

Stu tries to remind Billy since he's a bit forgetful and uses insults to joke with people.

Patrick Bateman

Oh lord.

Uses it to his advantage and manipulates you.

But also at the same time, if anyone tries to manipulate you or insult you, he won't let that slide. ever.

He gets annoyed with you sometimes because of it, but it also helps him to be more self-aware about things that he does. (Not that he really cares but yk)

[presentingavamaria]

Helpful Prayers <3

***REMEMBER TO SIGN OF THE CROSS*** IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, OF THE SON & OF THE HOLY SPIRIT. AMEN. ****touch forehead (FATHER), center of chest (SON), left side of chest, then right side of chest (HOLY SPIRIT).

To cast out demons: (3) Recite "I command every evil spirit in my presence, to leave & enter into perdition at once, in JESUS' NAME. Amen." (Espionage, Hated, jezebel, mystery, devils …are common demonic entities, which you can decide to name.) (3) Prayers to St. Joseph, Terror of Demons. "Saint Joseph, Terror of Demons, cast your solemn gaze upon the devil and all his minions, and protect us with your mighty staff. You fled through the night to avoid the devil’s wicked designs; now with the power of God, smite the demons as they flee from you! Grant special protection, we pray, for children, fathers, families, and the dying. By God’s grace, no demon dares approach while you are near, so we beg of you, always be near to us! [In JESUS' NAME,] Amen." (3) OUR FATHER "Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, On earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen." (3) HAIL MARYS "Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen." (3) GLORY BE (optional)"Glory be to the Father, and to the Son, and to the Holy Spirit. As it was in the beginning, is now, and ever shall be, world without end. Amen." (3) ANGEL OF GOD (optional) "Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here, ever this day be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen." (3) ST. MICHAEL THE ARCHANGEL "St. Michael the Archangel, defend us in battle, be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil. May God rebuke him we humbly pray; and do thou, O Prince of the Heavenly host, by the power of God, cast into hell Satan and all the evil spirits who prowl about the world seeking the ruin of souls. Amen."

Against Attacks on Breathing & other vexations: (10) OUR FATHER, (then mention intention). "Our Father, Who art in heaven, Hallowed be Thy Name. Thy Kingdom come, Thy Will be done, On earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. Amen."

For the Unsaved People: (10) Fatima's Prayers (per person, daily, then mention intention). "O My Jesus, forgive us our sins, save us from the fires of hell, lead all souls to Heaven, especially those in most need of Thy mercy. Amen."

Armor of GOD, for preparedness in spiritual warfare: (1)Recite: "I offer this prayer to equip us with The Armor of GOD. That we may stand fast with The Truth girded about our loins, That we are equipped with the Breastplate of righteousness, That our feet be shod in readiness for THE GOSPEL OF PEACE, That we bear our Shield of Faith, to quench the flaming arrows of the devil, That we take The Helmet of Salvation, & wield THE SWORD OF THE SPIRIT, that is, THE WORD OF GOD.

So we may all, with prayer & supplication, pray at every opportunity in THE SPIRIT, & be watchful for The Holy Ones, as taught unto us by St. Paul. IN JESUS' NAME, Amen."

(1) ST. PATRICK'S BREASTPLATE (optional) "I bind unto myself today The strong name of the Trinity: By invocation of the same, The Three in One and One in Three. I bind this day to me for ever By power of faith, Christ's incarnation: His baptism in the Jordan river, His death on the Cross for my salvation; His bursting from the spiced tomb, His riding up the heavenly way, His coming at the day of doom I bind unto myself today! I bind unto myself today The power of God to hold and lead: His eye to watch, his might to stay, His ear to hearken to my need; The wisdom of my God to teach, His hand to guide, his shield to ward; The Word of God to give me speech, His heavenly host to be my guard! I bind unto myself today The power of the great cherubim, The sweet "well done" in judgment hour, The service of the seraphim; Confessors' faith, apostles' word, Patriarchs' prayers, the prophets' scrolls; All good deeds done unto the Lord, And purity of virgin souls. I bind unto myself today The virtues of the starlit heaven, The glorious sun's life-giving ray; The whiteness of the moon at even, The flashing of the lightning free, The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks, The stable earth, the deep salt sea around the old eternal rocks. Christ be with me, Christ within me, Christ behind me, Christ before me, Christ beside me, Christ to win me, Christ to comfort and restore me, Christ beneath me, Christ above me, Christ in quiet, Christ in danger, Christ in hearts of all that love me, Christ in mouth of friend and stranger. I bind unto myself today, The strong name of the Trinity: By invocation of the same, The Three in One and One in Three, Of Whom all nature hath creation, Eternal Father, Spirit, Word: Praise to the Lord of my salvation -- Salvation is of Christ the Lord! [In JESUS NAME,] Amen. (1) LITANY OF HUMILITY (optional) O Jesus, meek and humble of heart, Hear me.

From the desire of being esteemed, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being loved, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being extolled, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being honored, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being praised, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being preferred to others, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being consulted, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the desire of being approved, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being humiliated, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being despised, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of suffering rebukes, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being calumniated, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being forgotten, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being ridiculed, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being wronged, Deliver me, O Jesus.

From the fear of being suspected, Deliver me, O Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be esteemed more than I, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That, in the opinion of the world, others may increase and I may decrease, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be chosen and I set aside, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be praised and I go unnoticed, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may be preferred to me in everything, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it. That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should, Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

For Emergencies: (10) Memorare Prayers (then mention intention) "Remember, O most gracious Virgin Mary, that never was it known  that anyone who fled to thy protection,  implored thy help,  or sought thy intercession,  was left unaided.  Inspired by this confidence  I fly unto thee,  O Virgin of virgins, my Mother.  To thee do I come,  before thee I stand,  sinful and sorrowful.  O Mother of the Word Incarnate, despise not my petitions,  but in thy mercy hear and answer me.  Amen."

OR (10) ANGEL OF GOD Prayers (then mention intention). "Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here, ever this day be at my side, to light and guard, to rule and guide. Amen."

Novena to OUR LADY OF PERPETUAL HELP: Oh Mother of Perpetual Help, grant that I may ever invoke your powerful name, the protection of the living and the salvation of the dying. Purest Mary, let your name henceforth be ever on my lips. Delay not, Blessed Lady, to rescue me whenever I call on you. In my temptations, in my needs, I will never cease to call on you, ever repeating your sacred name, Mary, Mary. What a consolation, what sweetness, what confidence fills my soul when I utter your sacred name or even only think of you! I thank the Lord for having given you so sweet, so powerful, so lovely a name. But I will not be content with merely uttering your name. Let my love for you prompt me ever to hail you Mother of Perpetual Help. Mother of Perpetual Help, pray for me and grant me the favor I confidently ask of you. (mention intention). (3) HAIL MARY "Hail, Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen."

Against distractions & loss of focus: Read two chapters of THE BIBLE everyday! :) Look to the things of HEAVEN.

Hope it helps! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

[colleenmurphy]

"I've gotta make Charlie a saint!"

Stephen James Patrick McGuire had seen some shit in his years on earth. But seeing his cousin, Mac, as he had always been one to call her was understandably losing her fucking mind. The one man she'd pledged her very soul to had died nearly two miles from home, alone on a desolate stretch of road. The happy home they had crammed with memories was now in shambles as Mac howled about saints and an unfair god and how fucked the world was. Her Jim Croce albums were smashed to bits, the clocks were stopped all at 6:45 along with the mirrors being covered. There used to be mass amounts of photos scattered around the place, they were packed away living in a box somewhere in the attic. Stevie was wracking his brain as to what would have made Mac lose her grip on sanity at the moment. He'd been very careful to orchestrate a mini getaway for his cousin with his Aunt's help. The circle of family and chosen family as his cousin had always referred to those she held dear were understandably worried for her as she tried to forge ahead with life without her husband. His cousin was the one that always beat up the neighborhood bullies for him before his growth spurt when they were kids. She was Stevie's first defender and biggest cheerleader. He'd had a stutter when they were kids and she'd sucker punched Jimmy Dugan and Frank Flannery for making fun of him. The stutter made it impossible for him to pronounce her name even though he had practiced it endlessly but when he held her, or rather Aunt Min helped, he proudly dubbed her 'His Mac.'

'You're like the brother I never got to have. Doesn't matter who was born first.'

"Mac...Here..C'mere and sit down please."

Gently he grabbed a blanket form the couch and wrapped it around her slender, almost boney arms and pulled her in for a hug before leading her to sit down with him on the overstuffed couch in the new cavernous living room.

"I wanna make him a saint..Stevie...how can I do that?"

Her grip tightened on his shirt as she clung to him with every ounce of strength she had left. Hot tears soaked through as he tried his best to hold himself together. Somewhere in his jumble of an office he had a scrapbook of photos from snapshots he had taken on his adventures when she had given him a start in the Jam band. Thanks to her and Charlie, who he could still remember popping up for Thanksgiving one year and just never leaving, he had been the completion of Mac's other half entirely. Stevie often wondered if there was a woman out there like that for him but he didn't kid himself. What Mac and Charlie had was pure magic to watch.

"I'm pretty sure we'd have to call Rome and get in touch with the Pope."

'I gotta work a damn miracle, Stevie. I took the Lord's name in vain too many times to count, I was anything but pure. You remember, Reno.'

To his left he could have sworn he'd heard Charlie.

'You damn well did, man.'

A wiggle of long nimble fingers caught Stevie's attention as his eyes bugged. Charlie was just sitting in his easy chair proud as he pleased giving him that dopey grin and all.

'I never hit her once or talked mean to her. No, there was a dalliance or two on my part and boy did I catch hell and then some from her but she loved me entirely. Forgave me and we worked through our shit together. I love her, man. Entirely, too...'

Mac was still sobbing to herself hiccuping at this point, now that he noticed she smelled of weed and whisky, not her usual glass of wine at home. He had never known his cousin to be a heavy drinker, that particular trait fell to their Aunt Prudence, to see her this way broke his heart.

'We worked our shit out and now I'm gone. We were hoping to start a family of our own come the spring and here we are...or should I say aren't? Take care of her for me, Stevie. Just help her be happy...I'll just keep my end of things up and keep an eye on you two crazy clover lovers.'

"It's a shamrock actually."

Was Stevie's mumbled reply as he nodded to whatever was sitting in that L-z-Boy. In a blink Charlie was gone and Mac was now snoring softly on his shoulder almost ready to slump into a position she'd be sorry for in the morning. Moving her gently he tucked the blankets around her and ensured that she was safe before setting a glass of water and a note out. He was staying in the cabin down the lane, had been off and on for about two years after his divorce from Tanya. Charlie and Mac had given him the only sense of stability he'd ever known in his adult years.

'I just want her to be happy, Stevie. Tell her.'

"I'm trying man but...Charlie she's shattered. I dunno if she'll be ok. You were her world."

Out on the back deck overlooking a rolling hill leading to the babbling brook below the sound of water calmed Stevie for a moment. He'd been on autopilot on the walk back and had somehow made himself an Irish coffee. Peering down into the ashtray he spotted a hand roll left from Colleen's last visit. Their talks were spur of the moment and often lengthy and Mac always came prepared.

'She'll be just fine, Stevie. Please tell her to be happy..'

Flicking his lighter Stevie Mcguire did something he hadn't done in nearly a decade. Got into his cousin's stash.

"I'll do my best."

Taking a deep drag, his first mistake was thinking he was smoking a cigarette, and promptly coughed so hard he nearly felt like he was going to vomit.

'Ya always were a lightweight when it came to that stuff, Stevie. Little hits.'

"How the hell she do this every day?"

A deep chuckle from inside his head made him momentarily smile thinking of his brother in law sitting in one of the Adarondack chairs.

'She's had more practice at it than you have. While you were gettin' drunk she was gettin' stoned.'

Another deep drag, his second mistake of the night with the damned joint. Another fit of heaving coughs. Eyes watering Stevie felt the need to simply sit down for a moment criss cross apple sauce on the deck as he stared up at the stars sipping on his coffee.

"Third fuckin' mistake. How much did I put in there?"

'Calm down it's only a little glug. Take another toke you'll be ok.'

Somewhere inside the cabin the stereo came on, flicked the dial on it's own and Charlie was gone in a wave of radio static.

'So listen honey wherever you are tonight I wish you the best of everything in the world and honey I hope you found whatever you were lookin' for. Yeah it's over before you know it it all goes by so fast.'

The last song on the last album Charlie released came on and then sputtered out. The roadside map was open and the page settled onto New England. Col and Stevie's home state.

"Looks like Mac had better pack a bag or two. We're headed back east for a while."

[fierceawakening]

“Because in Tolkien's mythology, technology represents evil and materialism in contrast to the goodness of nature and spirituality.

The One Ring didn't simply exist through magic; it was forged through craftsmanship, which is the most basic form of technology. Obviously, craftsmanship itself is not evil, but it is easily corrupted; it isn't itself evil, but too prone to evil to be considered neutral.

I don't know if you have read the Silmarillion, but this is why the Noldor, the most skilled among Elves, are the ones who suffer most from Melkor's deceit. It is why Dwarves and Men are more easily corrupted than Elves, Tolkien's ideal race. Khazad-dum unleashed the Balrog because the Dwarves delved too deep in their search for more metals and gems, substances of little worth without technology to shape them. Númenór fell when Men's technology advanced enough for them to wage war against Valinor, and they were defeated by the Valar--that is, powers of nature.

What marks Saruman's descent into wickedness? That he destroys Fangorn to fuel his machinery, and he uses his technology to breed the Uruk-hai. The Spoiling of the Shire is its industrialization. Even the palantiri work some evil.

So the reason that technology didn't advance between the end of the Second Age and the end of the Third is that Middle-Earth is naturally good. There was no evil force powerful enough to drive innovation, so it remained as it was. If the Fellowship had failed, technology would have advanced under Sauron's rule.

EDIT: For anyone interested, my response draws heavily from Patrick Curry's Defending Middle-Earth: Tolkien, Myth, and Modernity.”

See such comments as “he has a mind of metal and wheels” about Saruman:

“I think that I now understand what he is up to. He is plotting to become a Power. He has a mind of metal and wheels; and he does not care for growing things, except as far as they serve him for the moment. And now it is clear that he is a black traitor.”

Also remember that Sauron taught the Elves how to forge the Rings.

You know, it's kinda funny how much of high fantasy centers around kings and nobility and courtly intrigue considering that the archetypal high fantasy, Lord of the Rings, had the rather explicit moral of "saving the world is up to this backwater hick and his gardener because no politician, least of all inherited nobility, would have the ability to see past their own ambition and throw away a weapon". Oh sure, Aragorn is a great king and all, but there's a reason he's over there running a distraction ring while the hobbits do the real work. Sauron loses because he gets distracted by kings and armies and great battles (i.e. typical high fantasy stuff) letting Frodo and Sam sneak through his back door and blow it all to hell.

Just saying, maybe old Jirt knew what he was saying when he said that the small folk doing their best and holding to each other was more powerful than a dozen alliances and superweapons and we should respect him for it.

[achristopaganbreviary]

Morning Prayer

God of love, as dawn breaks, we praise you; you are one, called by many names. Cleanse us of selfishness as we start this day anew. May our hands be your hands, doing good upon the earth. 

Opening Salutation: 1. From Spring equinox to autumn equinox The sun is bright and the days are long. Blessed are you, Regina Caeli, triumphant Mother of Life and Growth! Hail to Persephone, Mystical Rose, Maiden of Flowers, Ave! 

2. from autumn equinox to spring equinox The moon is bright and the nights are long. Blessed are you, Mater Dolorosa, Dark Mother of Death and Rebirth. Hail to Persephone, Queen of the Underworld, Lady of Skulls, Ave! 

Prayer of Protection (from the Lorica of St Patrick) I bind unto myself today the virtues of the starlit Heaven, The glorious sun's life-giving ray, The whiteness of the moon at even, The flashing of the lightning free, The whirling wind's tempestuous shocks, The stable earth, the deep salt sea, Around the old eternal rocks.

Day of the Week Prayer

link to day of the week prayers

Litany: Virgo Rosarum, Oh Maiden of Roses, upon this new day we offer this garland of litanies to you. Virgo Sanctissima, Oh Maiden Most Holy, bless us. Virgo Immaculata, Oh Maiden Immaculate, cleanse us. Virgo Veneranda. Oh Maiden Most Venerable, guide us. Virgo Fortissima, Oh Maiden Most Strong, defend us. Virgo Splendidissima, Oh Maiden Most Shining, inspire us. Virgo Ferocissima, Oh Maiden Most Wild, invigorate us. 

Prayer to God the Father:  (from the Book of Common Prayer) Eternal God, in whose perfect kingdom no sword is drawn but the sword of righteousness, no strength known but the strength of love: So mightily spread abroad your Spirit, that all peoples may be gathered under the banner of Peace, as children of one Mother. Amen.

Closing

Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come, thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us as we forgive others. Lead us not into separation but deliver us into love.

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Blessed are thou among women, and blessed is the fruit of thy womb. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us now and at the hour of our death.

Glory be to the Father, and to the Child, and to the Holy Mother. As it was in the beginning, is now and ever shall be, world without end, Amen.

[mortalfateishard]

I will defend dylan strome and nolan patrick to the ends of the earth purely because I get so angry over people heaping shit on players because they haven't lived up to some arbitrary expectations based on who they were at 17

And average third/fourth liner is just as vital to a team as their biggest star. Because hockey is a team sport

The stuff grown adults write about these players. You think they don't know they may have peaked when they were drafted? You don't think they've spent their whole careers so far trying to prove themselves against scouting reports from when they were a teenager? They still have more skill in their pinkie finger than any fan sat on their arse watching the game typing shit about them on twitter

[aceofwhump]

Another post about my feelings over The Mentalist!!! This time it’s focused on: my CBI Team Feels

Again spoilers for the Mentalist are under the cut. If you haven’t watched, plan to watch, are watching for the first time, best to not click the thing until at least mid season 6!Another post about my feelings over The Mentalist!!!

This time it’s focused on: my CBI Team Feels

I need to ramble about Patrick Jane and the CBI team (Lisbon, Cho, Rigsby, and Van Pelt) for a while here cause I have got so many feelings about them all. 

First of all, I love that the CBI team cares about Jane and is always there for him. All 4 of them are always right there when he's in danger, ready to save him. The team has on multiple accounts placed themselves between Jane and the suspect and have even physically restrained people from trying to hurt Jane. When Jane's missing they do everything to find him. EVERYTHING. Literally nothing stops them from doing what's necessary to bring him home safe including threatening suspects and breaking the law. They're get afraid thinking he's dead or hurt. They worry he might be cracking up and wonder how to help him. When he's in trouble with the brass they defend him. When anything Red John comes up they are 100% ready to help him with his investigation and are willing to do anything to help him. Even breaking the law on multiple occasions which lead to them losing their jobs or being put on suspension.

And vice versa, I love that Jane would also do anything for them. In fact let me talk about this for a moment. Jane pretends to not care about anyone including himself. Yes, he's selfish and egotistical and runs around like people mean nothing to him and since the death of his wife and daughter that’s even true a bit. Then he joins the CBI and before he knows it he’s come to care about these 4 people. We see him helping them with their problems like when he gets Van Pelt the money and approval for her tech classes or when he joins Cho when he’s investigating the death of his friend or when he helps Rigsby get out of being hypnotized by bringing him somewhere he'll feel safe. He buys them gifts all the time (the souvenirs from the Natural History Museum are my favorite. He was so freaking excited to give them to him). When his actions cause consequences for them he makes sure to fix it. My favorite example of this is when the team is suspended for all the shit that went down in the end of season 3 and Jane killing a man and going to jail. As soon as Jane was freed and back at CBI he immediately went to work to get the team back where they belong.

He cares for the team a lot and you can tell that it scares him. He's even said to Lisbon that people who are close to him get killed and he's trying very hard to not alert Red John that there are people whom he cares for because then they'd be in danger. So he hides it and acts dismissive and cavalier at times but he cares about them a lot. Whenever he does something stupid or reckless he either makes sure that the team isn't involved and therefore not liable or he gets them out of trouble as fast as possible and he gets scared when they are in danger or get hurt. He'll move heaven and earth to save them but he also feel guilty about it the whole time because he blames himself for anything bad happening to this team.

There are several times where all of this is showcased.

First, the Carter/Red John situation. He goes to the team for help, they readily help him with it and lose their jobs because of it but when Jane is on trial for murder they all immediately help him. Then once he's free Jane starts right away on a plan to get them all back on the team and in the good with the CBI. And in a sidenote, when Lisbon was shot and Jane was on the phone with her, his face was so telling. He looked guilty and terrified and you can tell he was thinking that this is it, he's gotten her killed, another person he cares for deeply.

Then there’s the Lorelei operation in 4x23/4x24. The team faked their deaths and messed with the FBI to help him get to Red John even after he left them with no word for 6 months. No explanations. He came for help, they dropped everything and helped. It cost Rigsby his relationship. It led to a whole season of tension with the FBI. Still, they didn’t hesitate to help him. 

Then, finally, the end of the Red John arc. 6x08 especially. The part where the entire team stands up against a whole team of armed FBI agents to free Jane and allow him to go after Red John makes me SOB! The CBI was killed, they lost their jobs, they had no badges and are under intense scrutiny that could lead to them going to prison but they do not care. Grace, Rigsby, and Cho immediately ask Lisbon where Jane is and how they can help him. Then Jane is under arrest and kneeling on the ground and they come running up, guns drawn and THREATEN to shoot FBI agents just to get Jane the revenge they all know he’s going to take. I’m sorry I just…they stand up for him and free him and he runs to Lisbon’s car and he shouts “Thanks, guys!” before driving away. 

I know that sounds stupid and not enough for what they all just sacrificed and maybe it isn’t but I have FEELINGS OVER IT! Jane has spent the last 10 years solely focused on catching Red John and accidentally caught feelings for his team but tried to hide it or deny it but every step along the way they were there for him and here they are at the end of the road sacrificing themselves for him once more and in his haste and desperation he takes this moment to shout a quick thank you. He doesn’t have a lot of time but you can see on his face and hear it in his voice that this means absolutely EVERYTHING to him and.

They knew. Time and time again, they knew what they were getting into by helping Jane and every single time they didn't hesitate to help him. They knew it would probably cost them their jobs, that they could end up in prison for what they do. They all knew what Jane planned to do once they caught Red John. They knew he wanted to kill him. Even if they wouldn't admit it to themselves, they all knew it. They don’t regret what they did for one second and continue to help!

They protect him from danger and from the higher ups, they help him with his plans and schemes, they stand up for him when people bad talk him or threaten him, they keep him safe from himself and from those who try to hurt him, they sacrifice themselves for him. On numerous occasions both big and small. 

In 6x08, the epic conclusion to the Red John arc, the CBI has been shut down, the whole team is under suspicion and out of a job and under threat of prison and still Van Pelt, Cho, and Rigsby immediately ask Lisbon where Jane is and what they can do to help. All 4 of them stand up to Abbot and a large group of FBI agents who have Jane under arrest. All 4 of them raise their guns and threaten to shoot if they don't release Jane. They do this knowing that Jane is going to meet the man they believe to be Red John and kill him. Lisbon especially knows this because he has her gun. They risked their careers, their reputations and their lives for Jane. 

And I cried. 

I cried because I watch a lot of found family shows. I watch a lot of cop shows. But none of them have ever made me feel like this. I've never seen a group of people be so fucking attached to and care about a single member. A member who is, in all intents and purposes, a selfish asshole. Jane didn't walk into the CBI looking for a home or a family or a place of safety but he found one anyway. Kimball Cho, Wayne Rigsby, Grace Van Pelt, Teresa Lisbon. They love him. They worry about him. They protect him. They sacrifice for him. And I get so damn choked up thinking about. I cannot believe the lengths the CBI will go for him. I adore how quickly they all are to stand up for him and to help him on his quest to find Red John. They know what it means to him and the fact that Jane has these people on his side no matter what makes my heart burst. 

And there's all the tiny moments that make me smile so much! All the times they have dinner or case closed pizza together. All the times Jane entertains them with one of his tricks. The fact that for the first season or so they rode in a can together that was basically a road trip AU. Every time Jane willingly and happily gives them all a hug. The cute moments Jane has each of them. Him asking Grace for help with tech stuff. Him, Cho, and Rigsby bonding over card tricks or reading or betting or whatever.

His relationship with Lisbon goes even deeper than that which honestly requires it's own post but Lisbon is his one true confidant. No one understands him better than her. No one can get him to sit down, listen, and cooperate better than her. He trusts her implicitly. They care about each so much.

This is my very long way of saying that I adore the relationship between Jane and the CBI team so much. Like Lisbon has said on multiple occasions, they're a family. They are his family. And I love this family so much.

[bones-sprouts]

@jrwiyuri you asked for this

OKAY SO.

1960s spiderman: really low budget show that has ended up being generally memed upon. it's charming for what it is, but you can't really say it's held up. obsessed with pete sounding like a radio announcer or smth though

1981 spiderman - basically just the 60s show again but with a slightly higher budget. i watched it a little but i cared about it less than:

spiderman and his amazing friends - this one was an extension of the 81 series, it paired up pete with ice man of the x men and original character firestar !! it's not a fan favorite it was definitely made to sell toys but it was my jam as a small child. it was very weird firestar got mind controlled by dracula in 1 episode but it was fun and there was a little dog who was the best ever

spiderman 1994: i think it and another series we'll mention soon are battling for the prize of The Spiderman Cartoon. this one is the most iconic for sure i never watched all that much of it (i was mainly exposed to 80s and 00s shows as a kid but not much 90s) but it was pretty solid👍

spiderman unlimited: this show was fucking CRAZY it was a followup to the 94 series but there were rights issues and it was trying to copy batman beyond so it was a bit of a mess. to sum it up spiderman venom carnage john jameson and a couple other characters are stuck on a parallel earth inhabited mainly by furries. humans are discriminated against and they fight a rebellion and also some earth 2 variants of classic spidey villians. it also ended on a cliffhanger. shit was crazy

mtv spiderman: was made to be a continuation of the first tobey maguire movie before the second one came out, follows pete (who is played by neil patrick harris???) mj and harry thru their college years!! the animation is really rough bc it was a cg cartoon in 2003 but honestly i really like the style they were trying to go for. also it could get really weirdly dark a lot of the time? it rules

spectacular spiderman: THE BEST SPIDEY SHOW OF ALL TIME. HANDS DOWN. MAYBE THE BEST SPIDEY PERIOD I WILL STAND BY THIS. it's so so great it has a bunch of really interesting spins on villians (i think about the twist with the goblins constantly it was so good) and their writing is just so great. THEIR PETER IS SO GREAT. THE BLACK SUIT STORY IS THE BEST ITS EVER BEEN. there's a lot of Teen Drama so it may not be for everyone but i swear to christ it's so great. everyone reading this look up the theme song and you'll understand. warning though it does end on a cliffhanger because of:

ultimate spiderman: okay this show was Controversial. when disney bought marvel they left spectacular on a cliffhanger so they could start it. spidey is put on a shield team with nova, iron fist, white tiger, and luke cage (who is almost exclusively referred to as power man). it relies super heavily on the comedy and meta jokes, which can get Tiring. it had a crossover episode with Jessie (the children's sitcom). they did i believe is the first spiderverse adaptation and the later seasons replace most of the cast with more spider people. they call miles kid arachnid.

marvels spider man: this show has been ripped to shreds so many times and honestly i can't really defend it. they turn every character into a supergenius and then turn every character into spiderman. i think my hot take is im sick of having like thirty spidermen like if you aren't doing spiderverse one is fine man. anyways the only thing i liked is they adapt superior spiderman (the comic where doc ock and spidey switch bodies) and it was really great honestly i really like their otto. he dies though so then i stopped watching

spidey and his amazing friends: its just pj masks with spiderman. next

spiderman freshman year: this show isn't out yet but i love it so much. there's speculation it may get cancelled and i swear i will die if that happens all of the concept art looks GORGEOUS im so excited about it

someone ask me to list and explain all the spiderman cartoons in chronological order

[tommyspeakycap]

Can you do a jealous John stones please 🥺🥺🖤

jealous stonesy coming right up! feel like john is the quick to get jealous type :) this gif does things to me

Black Tie Turbulence

John’s hand is both a constant and comforting presence on your lower back from the moment you both stepped out the car. He’s careful with his feet to not step on the bottom of your beautiful long dress that was matched in colour to that of his delicately placed pocket square.

“Aren’t you two a sight?”

John leads the turn so you can both face Kyle and Annie, also both dressed to the nines and offering each of you a glass of sparkling champagne. “The heels are already a killer,” you joke, making Annie giggle immediately. Heels were a must for almost all black ties, but more so when your boyfriend is an absolute giant.

It was a charity ball that a good few England and their players had been invited to, mostly in order to try and sweet talk the donors into giving more of their money than they originally would. You had gotten used to these events and liked to think you had actually gotten very good at sweetly chatting the vendors into emptying the metaphorical pockets. John wasn’t the world biggest fan of these events, but he knew they had to come hand in hand with the joy of doing what he loves each and every day. Plus, he gets to see you all dressed up. That’s good enough for him.

“I’m gonna go see if I can grab another drink.” You tell John, leaning up to press a chaste kiss into his jaw. He nods, eyes following you intently as you walk off with your heels clinking and dress swaying. “Earth to Stones.” Harry Kane waves, clicking his fingers to get the defenders attention. John shakes his head with a soft chuckle. “He’s fucking whipped, mate.” Kyle laughs heartily, eliciting similar laughter from Kane and his wife.

You stood up at the bar as the tuxedo glad bartender went off to collect your order for you when an older man appeared next to you. He too was looking to order a drink. “I hear the sambuca shots are exquisite this year.” You suggest with a teasing grin and a sparkle in your eyes, very successfully gathering the full attention of the silver fox who you had turned to face. He chuckles, eyes meeting yours as his tongue hits out to lick his lips. He was probably in his mid fifties, so you didn’t feel gross for a little bit of flirting to get some cash for a children’s charity.

“I’m just joking,” you note softly, “But the whiskey is fantastic.”

He nods, a smile overtaking his pink lips and stretching his face to fill a happy 60 years worth of laughter lines. He seemed truly sweet, not that you were at all interested. But he wasn’t sleezy, didn’t have a wedding ring in and looked a little younger than you knew he was. A little bit like Patrick Dempsey, actually. “A woman after my own heart.” He responds, flagging down the waiter for two whiskey’s.

As you got to talking, you learned he was a CEO. You had always been in awe of the kind of money that John had immediate access to in his bank account, what with you still paying off student loans and such until John took went behind your back and payed them off with an insistence that “his girl shouldn’t be worrying about anything ever.” But this man had even more money than that, you suspected. He just screamed out overpriced whiskey, fancy holidays, houses on every continent and boatloads of cars that you hadn’t even heard of. Yet, he seemed very sweet. You told him about some of the work you had gotten up to on a year abroad doing aid work during your second year of uni and he had been extremely curious about it, genuinely listening which shocked you significantly.

John would have said it was because the way that you spoke, completely captivatingly as you got lost in your own stories. You made people feel as though they were part of the adventure, drawing them in and leaving them hanging on every word. Most would claim that you were the only reason John still got invited to these black tie charity events because he certainly wasn’t so good at wooing older men out of their money.

“You’re definitely a whiskey lady, then.” You nod your head at the statement from the older man, a small laugh as you remove your hand from his arm that you had reached for when he made you ‘laugh’ with his last joke. “Mhm…well travelled, beautiful, very elegant and clearly incredibly loved.” You furrow your brows slightly his words, eyeing him carefully in search of their meaning. He leans in slightly, his eyes soft with a kind smile of his face. He nods his head behind you, “He’s been watching you since the moment I stepped up next to you.”

Your eyes land on John when you turn around, trying to look as though he wasn’t watching the interaction intently with those fiery blue eyes. You giggle to yourself with a soft sigh. “You made an old man feel incredibly young again,” he begins with genuine joy in his eyes. “You could change the world with that heart. It’s that reason and that reason only that I’ll be making such a hefty donation. None of this wining and dining, fancy ballroom party they’ve thrown. Passion,” he pauses, “Your kind of passion for better is what this is all about. But I reckon you best get back to the man who looks like he’s going to eat me alive.”

His words were touching and incredibly sweet, but the end was also true. You could hear your boyfriend’s footsteps approaching at a pace that might make you question his fifa rating from last year. You turn yourself back around to offer a thank you for the donation in your name, but all you see is that head of salt and pepper hair disappearing off into the crowd. John has suddenly remembered why he hates these things so much. You’re very clever at getting exactly what was needed from these men and you had no shame at all for flirting with them. If you had it, why not use it? You always said.

Despite knowing it meant nothing, it still sent John absolutely crazy and though you’d never admit it, that was one of the biggest reasons you did it. He used to bring you these things as his friend before you had started dating, which was very coincidentally where he burst and told you he loved you when you had asked what had irritated him so much afterwards.

His jealousy wasn’t something you exactly regarded as a demon, a little bit more of a treat.

Seeing him hot and bothered, angry flush to his cheeks with his jaw set firm and his muscles tense in irritation. It was beautifully hot.

“Flirting with older men again, eh?” He says sharply, his eyes burning a hole in you with the fire of their irritation. You shrug nonchalantly and take a sip of your drink. “Not a big deal,” you hum softly in response, watching carefully as anger flickers through his eyes. He turns his back to you with a scoff and a shake of his head, grumbling something under his breath.

“We’re going.” He states. You roll your eyes. “Oh don’t be like that, John.”

“Like what, eh?” He presses, still not turning to look at you.

“All angry and shit, it’s not a big dea-“

John isn’t having it. He whips around quickly, using his large body to press you back into the bar and takes the drink from your hand with ease when you still, enjoying a sip of it before he places it down on the bar, out of the way easily with those long arms. His hands come down to hold onto the dark mahogany surface of the bar top, trapping you with your back against it between his arms and your front against his chest. “Not a big deal?” He challenges, being careful to wedge his thigh in between your legs, he presses it up against you.

“It’s all for charity, John.”

Your face remains unchanged as you look into his eyes, darkened by lust with his pupils swallowing the blue of his iris.

“I don’t care,” he rumbles, his voice low, reverberating through your ear where he had loved his mouth to, his lips and hot breath tickling your neck with each word he speaks. You open your mouth to response, but John sees this and ceases the opportunity he has primed himself for so you can’t speak before he does. The words are lost on your tongue, dying before they ever have the chance to exist when he flexes the muscles of the thigh between your legs, tightening and pushing it up against you. He swallows your squeaky whimper with his mouth over yours.

“You’re mine.” He growls against your lips, continuing to make his presence between your legs known, very very known. He does pull back k slightly though, his darkened smirk flattering to a soft smile as he tilts his head to take in your rosy cheeks. “My sweet, kind girl.” He coos, lifting both his hands to cup your cheeks, thumbs smoothing over the soft surface. You giggle at his words, blush deepening. “Seriously though, love,” he hums, “Hate the action, love the cause.”

That prompts another giggle, your head falling to rest on his chest gently. His hands strokes over your hair softly as his lips press down on the top of your head.

“Not mad?” You query, listening in to the soft and slow thud of his heart against your cheek. John has moved you effortlessly to the ballroom dance floor from the bar with only a few backwards steps, letting you lean in against his chest again. “Little bit, of course.” He replies.

John has his arms wrapped tightly around your body to keep you flush against him in every way, swaying back and forth in time with the music.

To any onlookers, it would appear as normal, mundane and incredibly sweet to see the relatively young couple enjoying each other so close on one of his few nights off. Truly, it was adorable when you factored out the reason for the proximity John keeps to your body.

“John?” You lilt, your voice a daring misfire between sweet and sultry. “Mhm?” He rumbles in response, keeping his cheek rested on the top of your head. “Your hard-on is pressing into my stomach.” He chuckles to himself, your words too quiet for anyone else anywhere near to eavesdrop on but enough to flush his cheeks ever so slightly.

“And I would much rather it was in some far more pleasurable places.”

John does not need those words explained to him, nor does he waste even a moment leading you hastily off towards the exit of the ballroom, sure that he could find somewhere in this venue suitable enough to let everybody hear just who you belong to.

[polishksiezniczka]

Camerlengo Patrick McKenna Fluff ABCs | Camerlengo x Female Reader

Il camerlengo deserves more love ❤

Notes: These take place in an AU where the Cardinal Strauss and Commander Richter are guilty of the attacks on the Vatican. 2K words.

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

There are so many things about you Patrick adores: your beautiful, soft smile; the curiosity and warmth your eyes convey; the feminine lilt of your voice. But most of all, he loves you for your heart. The kindness you show towards others makes you an angel in his eyes.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why or why not?)

Despite his vocation to the priesthood, Patrick would love nothing more than to start a family with you. He views the love you share as a gift from God, not something that should be disgraced or vilified. The arbitrary man-made rules of the Church which prevent him from realizing this longing—your own little family—frustrate him to no end.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

With the utmost care and gentleness. He holds you against him, reverently stroking your hair, face, and body with his warm fingers. He especially loves to admire the suppleness of you, softly kissing each and every glorious inch he can reach. While these moments are few, they are precious to him.  

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Because your relationship with Patrick is technically “forbidden,” you can’t go on dates in the normal sense. When he can, Patrick will use the secret passage between the Vatican and Castel Sant’ Angelo to discretely travel to the outside world in order to visit you. Because you really can’t be seen alone with him, you instead spend time with Patrick in your apartment, often cooking dinner, talking, and just enjoying each other’s company. Even if you can’t confess your love to the world yet, all he desires is to spend every moment he can with you.

E = Everything [“You are my ____________.” (e.g. my life, my world)]

“You are my heart.”

“You are my treasure.”

“You are my life’s greatest blessing. You are a gift from God.”

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

When he imagined his life without you. The pain he felt even entertaining the notion was too much for him to bear. He knew he needed to tell you before it was too late.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

This is one of the main reasons you fell in love with Patrick—he is truly the gentlest soul you have ever met. He treats you as if you were a priceless relic, practically worshipping the ground you walk on and swearing to defend you from any harm. Not that he won’t stand up for what he believes—he is a fierce defender of his faith and possesses the ability to inspire millions with his commanding oratory. But the look of love in his eyes when you catch him watching you makes your heart flutter rapidly in your chest like a schoolgirl’s.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Secretly and with all the affection he can possibly give. He especially loves to brush his thumb across the back of your hand, squeeze them lightly, or bring them to his lips when they are intertwined. When you are alone together, he always wants to maintain this type of intimate contact.  

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

When you first met Patrick, the always-charming young priest was left speechless. Not only was he enamored of your beauty, he was mesmerized by your intellect and eloquence. At first, he chided himself for such foolish and boy-like thoughts—he was a priest, after all! But after slowly getting to know you, he realized how much you embodied perfection to him: your poise, the uncommon kindness you showed to all those you met, your deep devotion to your Catholic faith. And you couldn’t help but feel the same strong attraction to him.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous much?)

Patrick is not the jealous type—he would never have any reason to be. Your love is built on trust and truthfulness, and he alone holds the key to your heart.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

You were the first to kiss Patrick. You had gone to him for guidance after suffering a deeply personal anguish. His words were so gentle and reassuring, you couldn’t help but softly kiss his cheek in gratitude as tears slipped silently from your eyes. You were too numb to even feel ashamed, let alone prepare for Patrick’s response: taking your hand and kissing it lovingly, a gesture meant to assure you your feelings were reciprocated.

Because of Patrick’s profession and his constant presence in the public eye, you can’t be together as often as you’d like. But when you are, you nearly die and go to heaven from his mouth’s attentions alone. Patrick’s kisses are gentle, reverent, and full of love. He is never aggressive or rough; instead, he worships you with his lips, laying them everywhere like a starving man put before a feast.

L = Love (Who says I love you first?)

Patrick did. He was running to the helicopter to dispose of the antimatter chamber, willing to sacrifice his life for the safety of the faithful gathered in the Square and his beloved St. Peter’s. As he prepared to take off, he saw you standing on the steps at the entrance to the basilica, tears in your eyes. He silently mouthed to you, “I love you. Pray for me.” You were distraught but could do nothing but nod as tears clouded your vision and watch as he ascended from the plaza into the night sky.    

M = Memory (What’s their favorite memory together?)

One night you begged Patrick to go for a walk around the city together, like a normal couple would. You couldn’t brush away the romantic childhood notions of strolling through Rome with your beloved. He finally acquiesced to your pleas (your doe eyes and breathy implorations being of great assistance to you) and the two of you slipped quietly out into the dusky night. You frolicked at the Trevi Fountain, gazed at the enormity of the Pantheon, and shared a sweet treat from the gelateria while nestled on a bridge overlooking the Tiber River. Although the ancient city was beautiful, the sight beside him was what truly took his breath away.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Priests are sworn to a life of poverty, so Patrick does not shower you with expensive presents (nor can he afford to). But none of that matters to you because all you care about is Patrick and your love for him. Of his few earthly possessions, Patrick gifted you his late mother’s golden crucifix necklace inlaid with emerald, despite your attempts to dissuade him. He gave you the look of utmost adoration and smiled. “Angelo mio, you are the only one worthy of wearing it.” You wear the necklace every day as a secret declaration of your love for Patrick.  

O = Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?)

There are two: light pink (it is your favorite color and the color of your favorite flower, the gardenia) and white. White symbolizes purity and peace, as it is the color of the angels, and to Patrick, you are his angel on Earth.  

P = Pet Names (What pet names do they use?)

Angelo mio (“my angel”); cuore mio (“my heart”); mi amore (my love); “beloved”; “dearest”; “my treasure” ; “sweetheart.”

Q = Quaint (What is their favorite non-modern thing?)

His rosary, made of olive wood grown on the shores of the Sea of Galilee. It was a gift from His Holiness.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Ideally, he would spend the day curled up together on the sofa with you, reading, talking, or just basking in the other’s presence. Two mugs of tea and a plate of delectable pastries you had baked for him would sit on the table but would remain uneaten because of the sustenance you provide to each other. When he cannot be with you, he enjoys spending time in his study, doing research, reading Scripture, or writing his weekly homily.  

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Prayer—he always turns to God and the Saints for guidance.

Naturally, being by your side and in close physical contact immediately quells even his deepest fears. He relishes listening to your soft, sweet voice, lulling him into a sense of profound comfort and eventually, sleep.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

Patrick is an intellectual at heart and loved the time he spent in seminary. He is incredibly well-versed in a variety of topics, including literature, history, science, music, art, philosophy, and theology. You could listen to him for hours and never lose interest.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

You. Patrick can be himself around you, let his guard down. He knows that he can tell you anything. Sometimes when he has a lot on his mind (responsibilities, the welfare of his Church, your future together), he simply gazes at you lovingly and observes the subtle movements you make when you’re engrossed in a task like cooking, reading, or playing the piano.

When he’s anxious and you are not around, prayer provides him a deep sense of comfort. He also relishes in your sweet scent—a small vial of your perfume you gifted him.  

V = Vaunt (How do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Vanity is a sin! 😉

But in secret, he loves showing off his Latin skills to you! You find it incredibly sensual when he speaks to you in that ancient tongue.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

On a dreamy spring night, Patrick led you up to a secret balcony near the base of St. Peter’s massive  dome—a hidden observatory shown to him by His Holiness when he was a young boy. The view is breathtaking; you can see the whole city bathed in golden light, the inky blue darkness above cut by the silver caresses of the moon. You turn to Patrick in complete awe and could hardly articulate how beautiful the view was. He pulls you close to him and whispers that he would be happy if he could never see this view again if it meant he could spend the rest of his life with you. You turned to him, overwhelmed with love, your breath hitching at the significance of his words. He then knelt down before you, taking your hands in his.

“Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N, of all the blessings God has bestowed upon me, none is more precious than you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew that we were meant to be together, in this place and time.” His eyes were sincere and insistent, his tone earnest as he held your hands tighter and continued: “My mind told me that we could not be together, that my vows of celibacy and chastity forbid this. But my heart tells me that if a love so pure as ours exists, is it not a gift from God, meant to be treasured? And though I may not deserve to understand, all I wish to know and feel is my love for you.” His eyes shone softly with tears.  

“Y/N, my love, will you make me the happiest man on Earth and spend the rest of your life with me? Will you be my wife?”

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Patrick loves the ancient hymns from the early days of the Church, their melodies hauntingly beautiful yet powerful. “Ave Maria” also has a special place in his heart after he heard you singing it softly to yourself one evening while preparing dinner.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Every day! Patrick is so torn between the duties of his priesthood and his intense longing to spend the rest of his life as your husband. He prays to God often about this personal conflict, but finally decides to propose to you before Him alone, indifferent to anyone else’s judgement.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Because Patrick is so easygoing and affectionate, he would do really well with dogs.

Tag: @lemairepstuff @seraferna

[atarahderek]

Lord Protector Oliver Cromwell - a Wolfwalkers analysis

To follow up on my review of Wolfwalkers, I would like to discuss the villain in depth. This analysis will contain spoilers, so if you haven’t seen the movie and don’t want to be spoiled, click or scroll away now. You have been warned.

The first thing one needs to understand about Oliver Cromwell is that he is a historical domain character. Cromwell was an English statesman, born in 1599, who held the official title of Lord Protector of the Commonwealth of England, Scotland and Ireland from 1653 until his death in 1658. Some creative license is taken in Wolfwalkers, as while Cromwell did take over much of Ireland, including Kilkenny, by force of arms in 1650, when the film is set, it would be another three years before he attained the title and duties of Lord Protector. Cromwell was Anglican, and had been raised to hate Catholics (a bitter grudge held over from when Protestants were severely persecuted under the Catholic queen Bloody Mary). This led him to act with extreme brutality toward the mostly Catholic Irish, and to this day, the Irish see Cromwell as nothing but a monster. The remaining countries in Britain give him mixed reviews, though he’s generally perceived as a pretty good guy in England.

Cromwell being so hated in Ireland led to his character being given something of a historical villain upgrade in Wolfwalkers--depending on who you ask, of course. Undoubtedly, some Irish would say he wasn’t portrayed as evil enough. His character design is fairly true to life, though it does evoke images of Pocahontas’ main villain John Ratcliffe. His personality is reminiscent of Judge Claude Frollo from Disney’s adaptation of the Hunchback of Notre Dame. He sees his path as the only righteous one. It’s been done before, but with Cromwell, it’s taken to a new extreme. Cromwell deifies himself. It’s kind of brilliant, actually.

In the film, Cromwell’s name is never given. He goes strictly by Lord Protector. His insistence on being addressed only by his title reflects his real life actions, where he began to insist on being addressed as “his highness,” and signed his letters “Oliver P,” in the fashion of kings who would sign their names as “George R,” or the like, with ‘P’ standing for ‘Protector’ the way ‘R’ stood for ‘Rex.’ Cromwell habitually ends his orders and decrees with, “That is the Lord’s will.” Between this habit and his exclusive title, he begins to seem a bit blasphemous. And that appears to be the intention. When he proclaims “the Lord’s will,” he’s not talking about the will of the Lord God, Creator of heaven and earth. He’s talking about the will of the Lord Protector; himself. He equates Lord Protector of the Commonwealths with Lord God, Almighty Protector, and elevates himself to that status. This results in a very cold, cruel, distant man who is baffled by the idea that a man would rather mourn for his seemingly dead daughter than follow his orders to the letter. Which is, honestly, very standard behavior for any man who thinks himself a god.

So does Cromwell give any indication of acknowledging a God higher than himself? Yes; all of twice in the movie. He’s seen praying once, but this too could be interpreted as talking to himself, as he again says only “Lord” and not “Lord God,” and he ends his prayer insisting that what he wants to do must be “the Lord’s will.” His prayer was likely to assure himself that he was still a humble man, so he could go out and continue to deify himself without guilt. At the climax of the movie, when Bill, who was bitten by Moll while she was trying to defend Mebh, takes on his new wolf form for the first time, Cromwell becomes genuinely terrified by the enormous wolf in front of him and cries out for the Lord God Almighty to protect him. It is the only time in the entire movie when Cromwell actually turns to a higher power than himself for help--and after everything else he’s done up to this point, it’s too late to curry any favor with God.

The climax ends with Cromwell’s death, as he allows himself to fall off a cliff rather than be turned into a Wolfwalker by Bill’s bite. The false god plunges to his demise, purportedly surrendering his soul to the God of heaven. This is more historical license, as the real Cromwell died of natural causes eight years after the movie is set.

Some viewers of the film have interpreted Cromwell vs. the Wolfwalkers as Christianity vs. paganism, conveniently forgetting that the Goodfellowes are Christians and gave no indication of converting at the end of the film. A look into Wolfwalker lore reveals the legend behind them; they were either blessed or cursed by St. Patrick (and one’s opinion on which it was depends on one’s opinion of wolves in general), who made a bargain with them. He did not want to force their conversion (this is true to the character of the real St. Patrick, who believed faith in God must be a personal choice and not coerced), but allowed them to roam free, albeit as wolves while they slept. Since Wolfwalkers are created not by choice, but by the bite of another Wolfwalker, it is well established that Wolfwalkers can be any religion. In the case of this film, exactly half of the Wolfwalkers are Protestants living in Catholic Ireland, with no indication that they’re going to change faiths, because they see no conflict between their faith and turning into wolves whenever they sleep. The presumably Catholic side character Sean Og even says that St. Patrick made peace with the pagans who became the original Wolfwalkers, and himself sees no problem with a Christian living as a wolf at night. He encourages Robyn’s friendship with Mebh, and cheers her on when she helps Moll escape. Cromwell alone sees conflict in the idea of a Christian Wolfwalker because he hates wolves and he hates anything that doesn’t basically worship him. Cromwell is the god of his realm, and if he says there will be no wolves or Wolfwalkers, then so be it. He will destroy every one of them, down to the last child. This is a story of a man who has deified himself going up against people who understand the difference between true faith and forced compliance. I think it’s safe to say St. Patrick would probably be on the Wolfwalkers’ side.

[idjitlili]

Ditto

kili x reader

summary:Imagine kili forcing his way into your room ,when you and the company stay in an inn,as he thinks you had slept with someone and frankly you're bloody virgin.

word count:1784

warnings:bad language,uh shorts.

You had been apart of the company for a couple of months,Gandalf had requested you to come as you had been living with Gandalf for the last year of life,as you wanted an adventure. In which you had known him your whole life ,you were planning when you had turned 17 to travel with him while he made the arrangements of this adventure. When you had went to the prancing pony to meet this dwarven king with Gandalf ,you were very excited to see a dwarf. Though he wasn't what you expected ,he didn't like you at all.

Thorin had looked you up and down like you were a worm,before demanding to know why you were there. Gandalf had told him to hold his tongue behind his teeth,and that the reason you were coming was because you was an introvert , needed to get out into the world,and you knew how to defend yourself. In which the king scoffed at this but left it because he needed all the help he could get.

Sounds stupid to why you were coming but you really felt like you needed to do something with your life ,being stuck at home with your parents ,and you were at courting age you wanted to meet some new people. However mostly you just wanted to see the different parts of middle earth,oh how you longed to meet some elves ,damn you just bloody wanted to take some lembas bread.

Anyways that leads to you Bilbos house,once you had arrived you had attached yourself to the hobbit ,feeling intimidated by the muscular dwarves. Bilbo had seen this and decided not question it ,figuring out you were clearly shy ,when you could barely tell Bofur your own name.  You had clicked with Bilbo becoming friends fast due to your like of his sarcsm, and his attitude ,you werent shy when you had began to trust people befriending them ,then you would just let loose. It just took you a while to become comfortable around new people.

When you had met Kili you had sputtered and turned into a beet,but he had just found it amusing,you had been scrubbing the mud of bilbo's mothers glory box. You had felt incredibly gulity of the state of the hobbits home had been transformed into you had decided help out. All too busy to see that there was a dwarven prince standing behind you ,until they had cleared their throat making you turn your head to face them,to see a brunette dwarf looked own at you ,in which you had stared back at him not knowing what to say. He had gathered you werent going to speak ,taking that chance for him to do so instead.

"Kili,at your sevice." he had bowed his head slightly ,grinning widely,his voice charming ,damn you knew his game,ladies man. "uh...y/n..."your voice was quiet he almost didnt hear you,after that you turned back to cleaning but he did not leave. "whatcha doinggggg?"he had dragged out,you huffed in annoyance he was handsome but you knew already he immature,you had gestured to the mud and the cloth and soapy water. He had hummed in response. "what kind of idiot wipes his boots on a glory box pfft."he had tried to act surprised ,"a lady showed not be on the floor,she should be on a bed ,while a man is on the floor." he had puffed out his chest ,in the super hero pose,you had sent him a small smirk ,standing up with the bowl finished .

"uh.." you had let out before bringing two fingers on your left hand  to your forehead before sending them outwards ,like Captain Jack sparrow ,walking away before you could even see Kili's reaction. Yeah thats pretty much what happened,nothing special.

You did end up talking to kili some times during the journey,only if he spoke first or someone asked you to ask him something,other than that you stuck to Bilbo and Gandalf for conversation.

You hadn't noticed the glances that the youngest dwarven prince would send your way ;nor the teasing that the company you put him through. Kili didnt see the teasing that Bilbo would whisper to you ,after kili would come over to you to let you know there was stream near if you wanted to freshen up or to bring you your food,leaving you blushed faced afterwards. However he would notice your blushing face when he spoke to you ,in which he would smirk to himself. He did enjoy making you blush so easily ,or tease you ,causing you to not even talk without stuttering or a least being like uhh.

Anyways a couple months into your journey Thorin had stopped the company at an inn,oh everyone was so glad ,finally being able to sleep in a bed with pillows. You had all dropped your stuff in your rooms before heading back down stairs in the pub for dinner.  Kili had noticed you talking to a man at the bar before you sat down,he kept an eye on the guy for the rest of the night,as the guy kept walking you the whole night.But in reality it was just your brother who had been travelling with deliveries for his work and it just happened he was staying at the same inn tonight. You had planned on eating your dinner and going to bed.

"goodnight." you had spoken quietly leaving some coins on the table ,the dwarves had wished you goodnight back as they all watched you head over to the stranger man. They watched in disbelief as you hugged the guy ,and press a kiss on his cheek ,and him press on to your forehead, Kili had balled his fists in anger. Your brother had placed his hand on your mid back gentle walking you to your room.

Kili hadturned swiftly to Bilbo ,faced scrunched up in anger. "Is y/n courting that man?" he had rushed out ,his brother had smirked at him knowing that he was indeed jealous. "no she isn't." master baggins had stated grinning slightly too ,it was obvious the prince liked the human and she liked him. "It doesn't right for the lass,to sleep around ,ye?"bofur piped up ,causing some of the dwarves to nod in agreement. "maybe someone shpuld go check on her ,make sure she's okay hm?" fili had suggested raising his eyebrows at his younger brother ,moving his head in the direction you had went ,to encourage his brother to go after you.

"I'll go." kili spoken quickly not allowing anyone else to go ,fili and bilbo had smirked at eachother ,okay so maybe they had teamed up to get the two of you together. Thorin had just shook his head disapprovingly.  Of course Bilbo knew that ou had brother and it was clear to him that was your brother ,you wouldn't be that friendly to some stranger.

As kili was heading up to your room ,you had already wished your brother goodbye ,as he told you to stay safe.After that you had stripped down to your tunic that reached your mid thighs ,little shorts underneath which werent visable ,as you sat above the covers reading your book. The fireplace lit sending a warm a light across,as your eyes began to feel heavy. They began fluttering shut but were rudely interrupted by a knock at the door,your eyes  shot jumping to your feet. You had assumed that it was just bilbo coming to check on you,so you didnt bother to put on your pants when you was just going to get back into bed after. Your bare feet patted against the cold stone floor.

You twisted the door handle ,pulling the heavy door open revealing Kili ,you had stared at the dwarf not knowing what to say while his face turned in anger. "where is he?wheres the that man that took your innocence?!" he had whispered shouted ,pushing passed you gently ,to search your room ,only to see your book on your bed ,bed unmessed. "..kili.." you had spoke sternly,only to be ignored. "I don't understand ,oh you went to his room,oh wow ,just hookup with a random human soon as we-""KILI, that was my bloody brother you idiot! Not that it was any of your  business,my innocence is still fully intact." you never spoke to him in such a tone ,nor without stuttering.

Kili had turned to you ,his eyes now softening ,he walked towards you pulling you into a bear hug,which you hugged back quickly. "I'm sorry for over reacting ,I just saw you dressed like that and frankly when I saw you with your brother ,I got jealous."he had spoken into your ear ,rubbing your back gently. "w-why would you be..jealous?" you had pulled out of his grip to look at him.

He had scoffed ,"I thought it was clear,that I like you,y/n" your face blushing ,"ditto" you whsipered to him ,only for him to look more confused than earlier. "it means I feel the same,kili." some how you had gained the confidences ,pressing your lips to his quickly,only for him to wrap his arms around your waist ,press his to yours likewise. Resting his head against yours "yoou know what I think dildo gaggins set this up,anways you should be getting to sleep." kili had let go of you ,walking towards the door,only for you to grab his arm stopping him. "can't you stay in here?" you had looked at your toes wiggling them nervously.

He had lifted your chin up with his hand gently as he sent you one of his charming smiles as he nodded,you had let go of his forearm ,soon as you did he had pulled down his trousers ,boots ,leaving him in his shorts and tunic like you . You had blushed to the colour of a piece of raw steak,maybe you could see something through his shorts,he had wiggled his eyebrows at you. You had just pretended that you didn't look at his sausage for a good minute,getting into bed ,as did kili pulling you into him ,you were almost laying on top of him.

He was your patrick swayze.

[ao3feed-lokiangst]

Oh my Fuck

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/31ArIto

by pathologic_trash

This is sooo freaky lol!! You gotta read it to believe it!!!! Comment like subscribe there’s more to come my little fandom freaks!!!!!!

Words: 43, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Мор. Утопия | Pathologic, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Star Wars - All Media Types, Sanders Sides (Web Series), Voltron: Legendary Defender

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M, Multi, Other

Characters: Artemiy Burakh | Artemy Burakh, Stanislav Rubin, Daniel Dankovskiy | Daniil Dankovsky, Loki (Marvel), Loki, Self-Sides (Sanders Sides), Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders, Thomas Sanders (Video Blogging RPF), Tony Stark, Vlad "The Younger" Olgimskiy | Vlad "The Younger" Olgimsky, Hunk (Voltron), Lance (Voltron), Lance's Family (Voltron), Keith (Voltron), Keith's Wolf (Voltron), Keith's Father (Voltron), Pidge | Katie Holt, Shiro (Voltron), Allura (Voltron)

Relationships: Artemiy Burakh | Artemy Burakh/Daniel Dankovskiy | Daniil Dankovsky, Artemiy Burakh | Artemy Burakh & Daniel Dankovskiy | Daniil Dankovsky, Artemiy Burakh | Artemy Burakh/Daniel Dankovskiy | Daniil Dankovsky/Stanislav Rubin, Artemiy Burakh | Artemy Burakh/Stanislav Rubin, James "Bucky" Barnes/Thomas Sanders, Dogma (Star Wars)/Hunk (Voltron)/CT-5385 | Tup

Additional Tags: Smut, Fluff and Smut, Eventual Smut, Shameless Smut, No Smut, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Anal Sex, Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Sex, Vaginal Sex, Sex Toys, Semi-Public Sex, Public Sex, Gay Sex, Original Character(s), Past Relationship(s), Original Character Death(s), Relationship(s), Minor Original Character(s), Original Female Character(s) - Freeform, Interspecies Relationship(s), Major Original Character(s), Loss of Parent(s), Long-Term Relationship(s), Assassination Attempt(s), Dead People, Presumed Dead, Talking To Dead People, Nobody is Dead, Everyone is Dead, Inspired by The Walking Dead, Jason Todd Needs A Hug, Jason Todd is Robin, Omega Jason Todd, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Omega Verse, Non-Traditional Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Jeanne d'Arc | Joan of Arc References, Waterbending & Waterbenders, Water, Water Sex, Waterboarding, Watercolors, Water Balloon Fights, Angst with a Happy Ending, Sharing a Bed, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Needs a Hug, Bakugou Katsuki Swears A Lot, Based on a Tumblr Post, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, NSFW Art, Art, Digital Art, Inspired by Art, Podfic Cover Art, Gift Art, Alternate Universe - Art School, Alt Modes, Alternate Universe - Alternian Invasion, Alternate Universe - Altered Carbon Fusion, Episode: e044 Crisis of Leadership and Oatmeal, St. Patrick's Day, St Mungo's Hospital, St Bartholomew's Hospital, Bottom Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Top Jung Hoseok | J-Hope, Hurts So Good, Reunited and It Feels So Good, Sobbing, So Married, Hunk (Voltron) is so Pure, Bisexual Lance (Voltron), Gay Keith (Voltron), Galra Keith (Voltron), Pining Keith (Voltron), Cuban Lance (Voltron), Bottom Keith (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Top Jeon Jungkook, Top Toni Topaz, Top Harry, Top Kim Taehyung | V, Don't Examine This Too Closely, To Read, Friends to Lovers, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, To Download, To Rec, To Comment, Love, Falling In Love, Love Confessions, Unrequited Love, Friendship/Love, Idiots in Love, Boys In Love, True Love, Dorks in Love, Love/Hate, Late Night Conversations, Late at Night, Ten Years Later, Years Later, Latex, Late Night Writing, Tags May Change, How Do I Tag, Tags Are Hard, Other Ships Not Mentioned in Tags, Tags Contain Spoilers, Tags Are Fun, Dog Tags, Other Fandoms Not Mentioned in Tags, AO3 Tags - Freeform, DONTNOD Entertainment, Saarebas, Sabaody Archipelago, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, WWE NXT, Where We Are Tour, We Just Love Each Other, Strong Woman/Weak Man, Wow, Reverse Ed Edd n Eddy, Harry Potter Epilogue What Epilogue | EWE, Episode: s09e01 I Think I'm Gonna Like It Here, Threesome - F/M/M, Episode: s01e13 Le Morte D'Arthur, E-mail, Episode: e002 Living Pictures, Episode: e001 The Coldest Cut of All, Episode: e003 River of Night, Post-Ending E (NieR: Automata), Episode: s07e01 Makaukau 'oe e Pa'ani? (Ready to Play?), Chuck E. Cheese's, Moaning, Mob Boss Steve Rogers, Alternate Universe - Mobfell (Undertale), Park Minkyun | MK-centric, SPN A/B/O Bingo, Human E. Aster Bunnymund, Good W. D. Gaster, Scientist W. D. Gaster, Inspired by Kimi no Na wa. | Your Name., Parent W. D. Gaster, Pre-Accident W. D. Gaster, W. D. Gaster Being An Asshole, Underfell W. D. Gaster, Goopy W. D. Gaster, Face-Fucking, Fuck Or Die, Fucking, Breast Fucking, Fuckbuddies, Phrack Fucking Friday, Threesome - F/F/M, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M, Threesome - F/F/F, Pre-Timeskip | Academy Phase (Fire Emblem: Three Houses), Firebending & Firebenders, Earthbending & Earthbenders, Earth, Middle Earth, Earth C (Homestuck), Homelessness, Home, Homecoming, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Period-Typical Homophobia, Male Homosexuality, Homosexuality, Alex Mercer's Parents Are Homophobic (Julie and The Phantoms), Wraith, Wraith (Stargate), Don We Now Our Gay Apparel, Modern Assassins (Assassin's Creed), Leonardo da Vinci is an Assassin (Assassin's Creed), Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, Assassins & Hitmen, Attempted Sexual Assault, Quintessential Works for Everyday Reasons To Yield (QWERTY), Villain Ojiro Mashirao, Song: Bitch Lasagna (Dylan Locke ft. Felix Kjellberg & Party In Backyard), Community: hh_sugarquill, community: xmen-on-lj, Episode: s09e10 Pio Ke Kukui Po'ele Ka Hale (When the Light Goes Out the House is Dark), H/D Food Fair 2018, H/D Erised 2018, H/D Fan Fair 2019, H/D Career Fair 2017, Episode: s05e02 Good God Y'all!, Pokemon X & Y Spoilers, Episode: s02e05 Smell Ya Later, Ya Dead Ya Dead (Achievement Hunter), Hydra (Marvel), Post-Civil War (Marvel), Arachnophobia, Alternate Universe - Arabian Nights Fusion, Arab Character, عربي | Arabic, Racism, Rabbits, Race, Alternate Universe - Race Changes, RuPaul's Drag Race References, Lesbian Catra (She-Ra), Episode: e045 The Great Race, Racist Language, Anti-Faunus Racism (RWBY), Racing, Fairy Tail: When We Take Different Paths, Renaissance Faires, Fabletown (Fables - Willingham), Ryuu ga Gotoku | Yakuza 0 (Video Game), Mentioned Demon Brothers (Shall We Date?: Obey Me!), Murphamy Week Winter Weekend, Cute Ed (Ed Edd N Eddy), JJ Style Week, Studio Ghibli, Butt Plugs, Butt Slapping, Butterflies, Butterfly Effect, Peanut Butter, Butt Dialing, Butterfly Miraculous, Wade Wilson Likes Peter Parker's Butt, Butterbeer (Harry Potter), Steve Rogers's Butt, Protective Star Butterfly, Butterfly Marinette Dupain-Cheng, Dick Grayson Has a Nice Butt, Ass Play, Assassination, Ass to Mouth, Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Assassin's Creed III, Video, Embedded Video, Video & Computer Games, Webcam/Video Chat Sex, Video Format: Streaming, Video Game Mechanics, Porn Video, Were-Creatures, WWE Draft, WWE SummerSlam, WWE Royal Rumble, WWE Extreme Rules, WWE Money In The Bank 2016

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/31ArIto

[mst3kproject]

The Atomic Submarine

I’ve had this one sitting around for a while. It’s a pretty dull 1950’s White Men vs the Saucer People movie, which attempts to differentiate itself from the crowd by taking place underwater instead of in outer space.  It features Brett Halsey from The Girl in Lover’s Lane and a few moments of Jean Moorhead from The Violent Years, and has parts for Jack Mulhall and Paul Dubov from The She-Creature.

It is… the future.  The US and the USSR are friends now, and passenger submarines regularly run between the two under the polar ice!  But all is not well – the USS Sturgeon, largest of this arctic fleet, suffers a reactor meltdown somewhere just shy of the North Pole, resulting in the loss of all hands.  The Pentagon convenes some guys in suits, and decides to send another submarine, the Tiger Shark, to figure out what happened.  When the Tiger Shark encounters a mysterious electrical phenomenon, their scientists conclude that the only possible answer is creatures from outer space!

I seem to be making a tradition out of starting with the shitty science, so here’s a good one: the Flying Saucer’s source of power is stated to be magnetic – that’s why it has to return to the North Pole every time it sinks a ship, to recharge.  Except… that’s not how the magnetic field works.  In the late fifties and early sixties, the north magnetic pole was somewhere near the southern end of Bathurst Island in Nunavut (as of 2020, it’s on its way into Siberia and is actually closer to geographic north than it’s been in centuries).  Sailors would definitely know that, making this plot point kind of hilarious to anybody actually in the navy.

I mentioned Moorhead… she and Joi Lansing (who was once in a movie called Queen of Outer Space) are the only women in the entire movie.  They occur in the same scene, which seems to serve only to remind us that women exist, and have no effect on the plot whatsoever.  Once we’ve entered the submarine where most of the film is set, the cast is entirely similar-looking guys in uniforms, and there are no romantic reunions at the end.  The Atomic Submarine couldn’t even give us the requisite 50’s movie Cute Girl Scientist.  I guess they were going for realism in their story about trans-arctic Soviet passenger subs and one-eyed semi-aquatic aliens.

On to the actual movie.  The first ‘character’ we hear from is the deep-voiced 50’s narrator, who sounds exactly like the guy rhapsodizing about radar at the beginning of The Deadly Mantis, but I looked him up and Patrick Michaels has never narrated any other movie.  I guess there’s just a category of men that have 50’s Movie Narrator Voice. His job is to sound portentous as he talks about things that are either irrelevant or else stuff the movie could have showed us but chose to tell instead.  He falls silent for long stretches of movie and then pops up again, interrupting the flow of the story every time.

The special effects in The Atomic Submarine are okay – they’re nothing ground-breaking, but considerable effort seems to have gone into them.  The saucer and the submarines are obviously small models but they’re nice and the underwater photography is quite atmospheric.  I especially like the little submersible the Tiger Shark carries, the Lungfish, which was clearly designed based on ideas for such machines that were in the works at the time.  There’s a shot of the saucer breaking through the ice cap and rising into the air which looks really good until the saucer itself actually emerges, wobbling on top of a rod.  The one-eyed alien inside the saucer is nice and gooey and parts of it look like they’re made out of living sea creatures.

Like many movies on MST3K, The Atomic Submarine has some germs of good ideas in it, and like the rest of them, fails to do anything much with it.  The flying saucer – maybe we should call it a swimming saucer – is described as a living organism, possibly the same organism as its pilot.  The aliens themselves are biological engineers who will use humans as a template for altering themselves to live on Earth.  That’s pretty cool, but is ultimately not important to the plot. Besides the pilot, who seems to have been assembled by a variety of marine organisms, the inside of the saucer doesn’t look particularly organic.  If nothing else they had an opportunity for some really neat visuals here, but let it slip through their fingers.

The alien intelligence remains unseen and inscrutable for much of the movie.  This theoretically builds suspense but there’s honestly not a lot of suspense here. A plot summary makes The Atomic Submarine sound like an exciting adventure, but the impression one gets from actually watching the film is that it’s kind of a day at the office.  In a way, that’s fairly realistic – the crew of the Tiger Shark aren’t a ragtag group of misfits, they’re professionals doing their jobs which just so happen on this particular day to include saving the world.  Unfortunately, this doesn’t make for a very exciting movie.  An awful lot of scenes are just suspenseful music over footage of men in uniforms frowning at things.  Rather than feeling any excitement, the audience just wants to get to the damn aliens already.

The movie’s only about half over by the time we do enter the swimming saucer to meet the one-eyed, tentacled beast within, but it feels like we’ve been here for hours.  Once the boarding party enters the craft, some things do happen but they’re still not exciting.  Three of the four men die, one by being cut in half by a sliding door and two getting melted by intense radiation – these deaths are surprisingly explicit and gruesome for a 50’s movie, but they’re drawn out far too long and don’t serve a plot purpose.  If the alien killed the men to stop them cutting the Tiger Shark free of where it rammed the vessel’s hull, that would be one thing, but it appears to do it just because.

The main characters all sort of look the same, as lumpy-faced white guys in old movies tend to do.  The only one who really stands out from the crowd is Dr. Nielson, the son of the scientist who invented the Lungfish and an avowed pacifist who’s only on this mission because he knows his father wanted to see the sub used.  He has a running beef with an old friend of his father’s who thinks he’s a coward, all talk and no action.  This is supposed to be the movie’s main arc and yet it fails to go anywhere on just about every level.

Neilson spends much of the movie insisting that he isn’t a coward, which one would assume is a lead-up to him doing something heroic.  It’s not. He’s just here to drive the Lungfish and that’s literally the only thing he does – he takes the boarding party to the saucer, and then sits there and waits for the sole survivor to return.  There’s a bit where the captain of the Tiger Shark decides to ram the saucer with the sub in order to get through its defenses, and Neilson speaks up, pointing out that this is a suicide mission.  Nothing ever comes of this, and it might be evidence of his ‘cowardice’ but I’m not sure… the movie is not nearly as interested in his character as it ought to be.  At the end he seems to have decided that war is cool after all… or maybe the guy he was arguing about has agreed that we need to set aside war with other humans in order to focus on war with aliens.  It’s very unclear.

If there’s a regular passenger service between Alaska and Siberia, doesn’t that suggest that in this future we’ve already set aside war with other humans?  I’m not sure this movie thought very hard about its worldbuilding.

In fact, watching the ending I don’t even know if the guy Neilson talks to at the end was the same man he was arguing with earlier, because, as I mentioned, the actors all look similar. Until that final conversation I thought the other dude had died aboard the saucer and honestly I’m still not convinced he didn’t.  What mainly makes me doubt the idea is that it would mean there’s no closure to the feud at all, which would be the height of poor writing.  I’ve seen movies where I would buy that they were just that careless, but other aspects of The Atomic Submarine are competent enough that I want to give them the benefit of the doubt.

So what does this movie want us to think about war and the military?  It certainly suggests that they’re necessary, since after all we have aliens to defend ourselves from.  One of the scientists on board is British and another has what I think is supposed to be a Russian accent, so perhaps its extolling the virtues of international cooperation.  This would fit with Neilson’s statements about how we need to leave war behind, but if that’s the movie’s point it hobbles itself by never talking about it in that light.

This is all made that much more annoying because, as I said, the effects are decent, the cinematography is pretty good, and while none of the actors are stellar they all do their best.  There’s no real reason why The Atomic Submarine had to be so dull and messy, unless they were just saddled with a half-assed script. Even then, they made a pretty good effort to get some gold out of the dross.  You might find The Atomic Submarine worth watching even if only to think about what might have been.