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pedgito · 5 months ago

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𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐓 𝐀𝐁𝐎𝐕𝐄 | Tommy Miller x reader

summary | tommy's on a path for revenge and you're his unfortunate baggage.

author's note | this is a small blurb for a future series for tommy. for context: joel revenge tour, forced proximity, reader is baggage to tommy, and also mean!tommy. him and maria have already separated before he leaves to go after abby & the group. so if it’s easier to consider this au, please do. this is unbeta'd and based off this post.

content warning | 18+ smut, eluding to past hookups, undefined age gap, tommy is a broken shell of himself, manhandling, a moment of softness from tommy but mostly selfishness, unprotected p in v, mentions of not pulling out. the tommy brainrot is in full effect y'all.

word count —1.4k

He doesn’t touch you like this unless he wants something.

A hand up your back, under your shirt as you bend down to throw more kindling into the fire, taking the broken twigs from his hand.

You feel it, tense slightly as you toss the sticks into the pool of flames and rise, turning your head over your shoulder.

He’s got that distant smile that doesn’t ever reach his eyes, not anymore. The thing with Tommy is that when he smiled, or used to anyways, it was a full body reaction.

His eyes light up, the lines around his mouth creasing as he grinned and the subtle twitch or flex of his hands as he tried to contain himself. As dark as you’ve seen him lately, you knew that Tommy was still buried underneath. Deep, deep down.

“It was once,” you remind him, eyes flicking down at his now empty hands pressing against your hip, slowly caressing its way over your stomach and slipping underneath the fabric there, sandwiched in by both of his hands as he nudged you to turn and face him, “—we agreed, Tommy.”

“You can keep tellin’ yourself that,” Tommy argues, “s’far as I remember you did a whole lotta talkin’ and you still haven’t told me stop,” his hands settling against your waist, squeezing the flesh under his fingertips, “you want me to stop?”

Your eyes follow the path of his fingertips as they clutch the end of your shirts and push up, dragging it up until your skin is bared to him, knuckles dragging over the surface. It was heat, pure heat. Different from the sweltering flames at your sides. It was hunger.

So strong, unbridled. If he wasn’t thinking about this, he was thinking about them. Or him. He has nightmares every night, ones you’ve learned to let him ride out. The one attempt to pull him out ended with you on your ass and a knife to your throat, skin nicked from the sharp blade pressing into your chin.

You shake your head so slightly you aren’t expecting him to catch it, but he does. “That’s right,” he nods, his hand raising to brush against the underside of your chin, thumb dragging over your cheek, “look at me.”

Hesitantly, you do. Heart hammering in your chest you dare, staring back at his unrestrained gaze. There wasn’t admiration or fondness, nothing like that. But, there was understanding.

You help me, I help you.

Mutually assured destruction.

The force of your kiss as you rush into him sends him stumbling, feet hitting the edge of a table before he’s collapsing in an old chair, creaking under the weight of you both.

His head presses against the back of the chair, kissing you back soundly, sloppily as he tongue dives—digs into your mouth and licks away the built up frustration you’ve carried for the past week.

It tastes like resentment and anger, things you couldn’t say to him—things he wouldn’t say himself. It was a dangerous dance that has begun to play out for you both.

He reaches blindly for your jeans, popping the metal button and attempting to squeeze his hand between the snug material and your underwear, struggling with the angle and how desperately your pressing yourself into him as you pull at his hair, dark locks tangled around your fingers and he grunts, heaving out a heavy sigh.

“Get ‘em off,” he orders casually, rubbing his hands against the denim as he pushes you away, mirror your movements as he strips himself of a few more layers; coat, flannel, shoving his pants just far enough down his knees that by the time yours are off he’s ready for your hurried approach.

You climb back over his lap, a salacious grin on his face as you mount him, “alright, atta girl,” followed by a soft catch of his breath as you wrap your palm around his shaft, tugging leisurely as his cock hardens from your touch, brow pinched as he watches, “—careful, honey.”

He joins your hand, using the force of his thumb on his opposite hand as it wraps around yours to press the head of his cock between your cunt, slipping between your folds and notching himself against your clit.

Before you can even think to speak, his hand is wrapping around the back of your neck, pulling it taut in his grip as he forces you still, gaze locked on his own as he pushes inside of you.

He’s already worked up, functioning on pure adrenaline and rage the past few days, knowing that he would soon hit a wall, but not before he allowed himself this. A gentle whine squeezing from your throat as he bucks his hips into you slowly, watching the desperate clench of your jaw as you swallow, eyes falling closed.

If it weren’t for the fireplace, he’d be acting off feel alone—like the last time. A back alley in the decrepit city of Seattle and the low hum of infected in the nearby area. Hand over your mouth, fingers circling of your clit as he fucked you against the moss-covered brick wall.

There was no preamble. Only a look, a deep growl of anger as he snapped and you allowed him to take his emotions out on you—given you were a big reason why his trip wasn’t going off without a hitch like he’d expected.

You were ruining it, dragging him down, but he couldn't just let you go—you were too far from Jackson, too far from home.

“Not gonna be the last time,” you inquire, a breathlessness to your voice as you worked your hips back against him, fingers digging into the material of his shirt and feeling the flex of his abdomen underneath, the sharp snap of his hips as pistons himself into you, “is it?”

Tommy leans forward suddenly, hand pressing against your back for support as you yelp softly, fingers pulling in his hair in a reactionary manner but it makes him curse. Your body goes fuzzy at the aggression in his tone, clenching around him out of instinct.

“You tell me,” Tommy counters, “you sneak outta Jackson, you follow me here, you fuck up my plans—and you just think—“

“Think what?”

“I ain’t that dense, honey,” He snarks, “you’ve been eyein’ me for weeks. He said you were good, mindful—but you are just nothin’ but goddamn trouble.”

He didn't need to say his name, you knew.

You smirk at his assumption of you, a small laugh bubbling from your chest as you fight for the upper hand, pressing him back into the chair against his hardened grip, almost avoiding the nudge of his mouth as he leans in for a hungry kiss, his palms squeezing at your ass cheeks so tight that it pulls you forward too, your foreheads colliding quick and sharp, a collective groan of pain erupting from you both.

It’s in the quiet lull of a look, as Tommy rubs at the sore spot on his forehead that you find yourself laughing—soft and wistful as you rock back, his cock still buried inside of you.

In an instant his hands are at your hips, gripping tight as his lips pull in a thin line, whatever semblance of a smile he did have was quickly gone and focused on you—or more so, the point where your cunt was sucking him in and squeezing, so tight he feels like he might come just like that

“Ease up,” he chokes out, the sweat on his brow glistening with the glow of the fireplace, “keep squeezin’ my cock like that and I’ll come right now.”

You grin, a soft snicker slipping past your lips.

“Is that a threat?”

“No,” Tommy offers in a softer tone, “but I ain’t finished with you yet—so ease up.” It ignites the coil of pleasure deep inside of you, the snarl of his teeth contrasting with his gentle tone.

You knew there was no piecing Tommy back together after everything that's happened—whatever was left of Tommy’s peace had departed the moment his brother had too.

dividers creds: @/saradika-graphics

#tommy miller #tommy miller x reader #tommy miller x y/n #tommy miller x you #the last of us #tlou #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #tlou fanfic #the last of us fanfic #tommy miller smut #my writing

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dancingtotuyo · 6 months ago

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epilogue. the ghosts that we knew

Woman | Joel Miller X Female Reader

Rating: Mature/Explicit

Tags: Joel Miller X Female Reader. Age Gap (13/14 years). HBO Characters. Mostly cannon compliant for show & game. Timeline is changed.

Chapter Warnings: angst, hurt and comfort, cancer, TLOU II SPOILERS, death, grief, Major Character Death, afterlife?

Notes: So we come to the end of this beautiful journey. Thank you EVERYONE for all your lovely comments and words over these past several month. I hope you don't hate me too much.

Words: 3942

Series Masterlist | Author Masterlist | Playlist

You walk the trail every night. Sometimes, Ellie joins you or Maria, but never Tommy. Sometimes you walk alone. You talk to Gabe still. You tell him about Carter. You tell him that you’re okay. But most often, you talk to Joel. It’s not that you loved him more, but it is different. Where Gabe drifted further away in death, you still feel Joel nearby like he’s watching over you. You wonder if Gabe saw Joel coming. Maybe he stepped back so you could have someone next to you.

You tell Joel about your day and how the kids are growing. You pull his smile, the feel of his hand in yours, out of the recesses of your mind, so close to the surface, it's almost tangible. You tell him that you miss him. It takes years, but eventually, you tell him that you’re okay.

Ellie spends more time with you at the house. She walks with you to take Carter and Willa to school. She comes over for dinner most nights. Together, you tell your favorite Joel stories over dinner. Carter chimes in from time to time. Willa listens for every drop she can glean of the fading figure in her young mind.

The kids are asleep when Ellie has her first panic attack. The clattering of pots falling to the floor does it. You hold her through it. Your hands aren’t able to fix this one. She sleeps next to you on Joel’s side of the bed that night. It still smells like him.

It’s a month after Joel’s burial when Tommy comes fumbling in late to your weekly family dinners. He has a lead on the girl who did it. Tension seeps through your bones. You don’t have the same taste for revenge. The idea is bitter in your mouth.

There’s a lot of shouting. Maria tells Tommy no. That part is clear, but you see the guilt seep through him. He knows he’s not responsible for Joel’s death, but he can’t let it go. It’s no surprise when Maria knocks on your door the next morning that Tommy is gone. Ellie and Dina ride out that morning. Jesse follows suit soon after.

The familiar fog of grief creeps at the corners of your mind. You can’t let it overtake you this time. You have the kids. Tommy and Ellie’s absence makes it harder, but you push through. You want to do more than just survive. You can almost hear Joel cheering you on.

You throw yourself into motherhood and training your apprentices. At night, you cry yourself to sleep. Maria and Elias spend more time at your house than theirs. You never say it out loud, but both of you start to wonder if your family unit which was once 8 has dwindled to 5.

A weight lifts off your chest when Ellie bursts into the clinic. You pull her into a suffocating hug and then inspect her for injuries. There are many, but she’s going to be okay. Tommy’s leg is another story. It’s been too long since he sustained the injury. He’ll walk with a limp for the rest of his life. Dina’s shoulder injury is miraculously not infected, but it’s the subtle swell of her abdomen that makes you lose your breath.

You’re able to find a strong heartbeat with the doppler. Dina and Ellie share a relieved look. You want to ask but restrain yourself. Ellie will tell you when you need to know.

You don’t ask where Jesse is.

Your family dinners resume. Your family table is back to 8 since Dina joined with the ever-growing promise of 9. You know Tommy is still searching for leads on Abby. You pray he never finds them. Things between him and Maria aren’t good. Ellie says she’s done seeking her out.

Ellie spends a lot of her free time riding outside the wall. You don’t ask questions. Joel liked to wander too. Sometimes she shares about the things she saw, but oftentimes she just shares a knowing grin with Dina. There’s a twinge in your heart. You used to do the same with Joel.

Autumn is in the air when you finally open Joel’s drawers. Maria hasn’t said anything about Joel’s clothes, but you know you need to go through them, distribute what’s wearable to people who need it. It still smells like him. Tears spring in your eyes. It’s been so long that you have started to forget it. Closing your eyes, you can feel him next to you, behind you, in front. He’s all around. His soft voice echoes deep within your brain almost like he’s whispering in your ear. The tears fall in steady streams.

You save 2 shirts, one for Carter and one for Willa. Ellie has his watch, and you have the kids. The rest of his shirts and jeans go into the box. Then you clean out his sock drawer, checking each for holes, which most of them have. A small smirk crosses your face. You and Sarah used to do the laundry. His socks always had holes then too. Some things never change. You pull two socks apart, and something flashes in the light before hitting the floor with a soft ping. You toss the socks into the box, feeling around for the item. You find it just under the dresser.

You hold the thin, gold band in your palm. It feels so delicate in your hands. Diamond chips encrust half of the band, shimmering in the light. Your eyes water again. It slips on with just enough resistance that it won’t slip off: a perfect fit. How long did he have this? Was he going to give it to you?

Yes. It whispers in your bones.

Not as a proposal, you know that, but a sign of his commitment. You slip it back off. Something doesn’t sit right about wearing it on your finger for the whole world to see. You want to keep this between you and Joel for a little while.

You open up the box on your dresser. It contains your wedding band, untouched since you placed it there years ago, a few pairs of earrings, and the gold chain your dad gave you the day you graduated nursing school. You slide the ring onto the chain. It rests underneath your shirt, near your heart.

You give Maria the box to distribute. You don’t tell her about the ring. It stays tucked under your shirt.

The night of Joel’s birthday, you reach for the last of the coffee beans pushed in the back of the cupboard. There’s something therapeutic about the movements- grinding the beans and boiling the water.

When you open the cupboard, the owl mug sits at the forefront. You freeze. You don’t know how it got there. It’s stayed pushed to the back since his death, but it makes you hold your breath. You despised that thing so much, but now you reach for it, filing it with coffee.

“Make enough for two?” Ellie says.

You spin around to find her sitting at the kitchen table. You smile weakly. “I can make it stretch.”

You know her disdain for it but say nothing, filling a second mug for her. The two of you sit in silence, steaming cups of coffee in front of you until Ellie gives up trying to choke it down. She pours the remainder of her mug into yours. You chuff, smile tipping your lips.

“I don’t know how that old man drank this shit.”

“Yeah, this isn’t great, but you know Joel.”

“Never saw him turn down a cup of coffee.”

“No, I don’t think he ever did.” You take another sip of coffee, eyes watering with unshed tears.

Ellie invites you to join her on a ride one day. You take her up on the offer. You ride side by side for most of the trek. It’s apparent she’s taking you somewhere.

“Ever been out this way?”

“Joel used to pull me out of Jackson from time to time. We spent time in the wildflower fields. Bugged the hell out of the council.” You laugh.

Ellie smiles. “And before?”

“I never got so far past this side of Jackson.”

“Something new to see,” Ellie says, excitedly then hesitates slightly. “Joel took me to a museum once for my birthday. They had a dinosaur and a space exhibit. He tracked down an old tape from one of the rocket launches. It was one of the best days of my life.”

“I remember when he found the museum. He couldn’t stop talking about how excited he was to show you.” you smile at the memory. “He talked about that day a lot. It was one of his favorites.”

Ellie pulls her horse to a stop and you follow suit. “He was really good at that, making sure there were good days.”

“He was.”

“I’m not sure how many good days are left for me in Jackson.”

Your heart skips a beat as you push down the panic rising in your chest. You can’t lose another person. “Oh?”

“Dina and I… we’ve been talking about what we want after the baby is born.”

You try to focus on her words, not the ringing in your ears. “Is that why you brought me out here?”

“I wanted to show you.” Ellie grins, kicking her horse forward.

You furrow your brow following after her. Your questions are answered as you burst into a clearing. An old farmhouse comes into view. It appears to be in relatively good condition. A partial fence circles widely around the property. It’s new.

You look over at Ellie who wears a look of pride and ownership over the small estate. “You did this?”

Ellie nods. “Dina and I are gonna move after the baby is born. I’ve been working to get the fence finished and the inside livable”

Tears prickle at the back of your eyes. There aren’t words for how you feel. You’re sad that Ellie won’t be across the street anymore, but you’re proud of her for carving out her own space in this world. She’s not far, you remind yourself. There’s something else about it tugging in your soul. Joel would love this place.

“You and Carter and Willa can come visit us anytime,” Elie says as if she can read your thoughts.

“Ellie, it’s amazing.”

She looks relieved. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You nod. “Now show me inside.”

The sun is setting as the settlement walls fade into view. You two spent too long at The Farm, you know it, but you hadn’t seen Ellie’s eyes light up like that in a long time. She is bouncing off the walls. It’s good to be out from behind the city walls.

“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

“Of course.”

“It’s just... ” Ellie bristles. “You’ve been quiet since we left.”

“Sorry, I’ve just been thinking.”

“Oh.”

You let it settle over the two of you for a while. “Joel always talked about finding a farm nearby. Getting out of the walls.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I did a shitty job of training other people to do my job. I didn’t feel like I could leave.”

Ellie nods.

“I asked him what kind of farm he wanted.” You smile at the memory. “He always said-”

“Sheep.” Ellie finishes. “Because they’re quiet and do what they’re told.”

You laugh. “Exactly.”

You’re back within the walls of Jackson as the sun dips behind the mountains. You walk down the streets side by side in silence. Ellie turns for her house.

“Ellie, I’m proud of you.” She stops in her tracks and turns around. Lights from the house sparkle off her eyes. “I don’t know if that means a lot coming from me-”

You’re cut off when she collides into your chest, arms squeezing you tight. You squeeze back. “Thank you.” It’s soft on her voice.

JJ is a few months old when Ellie and Dina move out to The Farm. You go out to visit them occasionally, sometimes with the kids and sometimes not. The first time you go alone, the wildflowers are in bloom. You take a 15-minute pitstop to collect yourself when you first spot them. You leave The Farm early to walk through the same wildflowers Joel used to take you to.

The breeze plays in your loose hair. You slip off your boots and let your toes curl into the unkempt ground. You see Joel’s smile in the Prairie Fire, hear his laugh in the Columbine.

Here, the familiar whisper behind your ear says.

You still wear the ring on your chain. It feels warm under your shirt. Unclasping it, you let the gold band fall into your palm. You slip the ring on your finger for the first time since you found it, and it stays there.

You pick a bouquet of wildflowers. They sit on your kitchen table for a week, and it feels like Joel hand-delivered them. Willa stares at them with her head cocked to the side, chin resting on the table. The tilt of her head reminds you of Joel. She has his soft curls that gather right at the bottom of her neck. The wonderment in her eyes reminds you of Sarah. You can’t help but kiss her head, let your fingers trail through her hair. His rings sparkles on your finger under the sun streaming through the window. You wonder if she feels the same draw toward the flowers that her dad did.

Willa smiles up at you. “Feels nice, mommy.” His Little Wildflower. She’s growing like a weed.

Carter struggles. He doesn’t talk. He spends most of his days in his bedroom. Joel always found a way to get him to talk, to smile. He may be the spitting image of his father- but it’s clear he got your temperament- your way of handling his feelings.

You take him to The Farm, just the two of you. He helps in the barn, rolls around with the sheep, and walks the fence line with Ellie for hours. You hear him laugh while you hold JJ on the front porch. Even though they don’t share blood with him, you see bits of Joel in both their mannerisms. They learned how to interact with the world from him.

Carter is excited when they get back. Ellie is going to teach him how to shoot next time you visit. You swallow back tears. Joel promised to teach him once he turned 10. Carter talks your ear off the whole way home.

Tommy still looks for leads on Abby. You pray he never finds one. Things between him and Maria are tense. Elias spends a lot of time at your house. Your worst fears are realized when Maria bangs on your front door at 6 am one morning. Tommy’s found a lead. He’s going to talk to Ellie.

You tear into Tommy in the middle of the street when he gets back that evening. “What the fuck are you thinking!?”

He brushes you off. “I’m not discussing this with you.”

“Like hell you are! How dare you bring Ellie back into this!” You’re a mama bear, fiercely protecting her cub. “You fucking asshole! Do you know how hard she’s worked to be okay?”

“She wants justice just as bad as I do!” You’re sure the whole town is watching from their windows, but you don’t care.

“This isn’t justice! It’s revenge!” You can’t push back the tears that come. Your family table can’t grow smaller. You can’t lose Tommy too. “Where does it fucking end? With us all in the ground? He wouldn’t have wanted this!”

“How can you say that?” Tommy gets in your face. It’s a scare tactic you’ve seen him use before. You don’t flinch. “That bitch took him from us! She made us slide that knife into his heart. She deserves it- and worse!”

“You will not drag my children into this, Tommy!”

“Did you really love him? Or was it all just-”

Your hand collides with his cheek before he can finish. “How dare you!” You’re shaking with rage. Tommy holds his cheek in his hand. “Joel would’ve wanted you here with your wife and son! He would’ve wanted us to keep having family dinners, and holidays together! He would’ve wanted us to live! Not just survive! I’m trying to live, Tommy! Because going back into survival would kill me! And it’ll do the same to Ellie!”

“If she doesn’t go, I go.” Tommy walks away.

You ride out to The Farm the next morning. Dina looks relieved when you climb the front porch stairs. Ellie is in her drawing room. She’s added more portraits since you were here last. They’re mostly Dina and JJ, but there’s one of Carter from his last visit, Willa from behind, Joel with his guitar on the porch, playing catch with Carter, dancing with Willa. All as clear as pictures. It hits you how much she observed, took in even when she looked in from a distance. The last one steals your breath for a minute. Two silhouettes dance on a front porch.

You have to swallow back the emotions before you speak. “I know Tommy was here yesterday.”

And then she cries in your arms. You brush her hair away from her face as she does. You make out limited information. The panic attacks keep coming. She can’t make them stop. She thinks this will make them stop. Your hands, so used to healing, feel useless.

With her head in your lap, she looks like that 14 year old girl you met years ago. “It’s not your fault, Ellie.”

She looks up at you through bloodshot eyes. “He would’ve never killed that doctor if it wasn’t for me.”

I would do it all again. It comes through so tangible. You repeat it to her. You tell her it’s not her fault. You tell her that Joel learned to live again because of her. You want the same thing for her. Don’t let vengeance overtake her. You want her to live life how it’s meant to be lived, not the violent cycle it’s turned into. Joel wants her to live.

Ellie stays on the farm with Dina and their son. She comes to see you in Jackson more often. All three of them do. The two of you talk about the day Joel died and what she saw. She finds out what helps her get through the panic attacks. It’s not easy, but they start to come less frequently.

Tommy goes after Abby. You feel like you lose another piece of Joel as his figure disappears into the tree line. You hold Maria as she cries. No one sees her cry but you. The roles are reversed, but you know how to give her support and comfort. You learned from the best.

I’m still here, Darlin. You have all of me.

You hear nothing from or of Tommy for months. It turns into years. Maria blames herself. She told him to not come back. Elias is getting into trouble at school. You’re all shocked when Tommy returns two years later. He moves into Joel’s house across the street. He never found her.

Maria and Tommy coexist. They both join family dinners. They co-parent Elias well, but they don’t reunite.

Life isn’t always easy, but you make it through, all of you. Most importantly, you experience life. The ups and downs, the twists and the turns, and you do it together because you’re family.

It’s the morning of Willa’s 16th birthday when you find it. A lump in your breast. Just 1 from what you can tell. You comb your mind for any other signs. None that you can recall. Maybe it’s benign. You push back the memories of your grandmother’s battle with breast cancer, but the tears still emerge.

I’ve got you. You swear you can almost feel Joel’s arms around you.

You don’t tell anyone. You spend more time outside the walls. You’ve trained up several people to provide medical care. Morgan can suture better than you. Sharon has steadier hands. Willa is already an expert herbalist, growing and cultivating medicinal herbs and plants. If something happens to you, Jackson will still have good medical care.

Joel seems closer than ever these days, like the veil between worlds is thinning. Sometimes you swear you see a flicker of him like a mirage in the wildflowers, or in the corner when the whole family is together. You were never sure what you thought about higher powers and the afterlife, but you’re sure there’s something there.

You find another lump two years later. A third shows up soon after. You start to notice other changes in your body. You’re tiring easier.

You’re more intentional about the time you spend with the kids. You make sure they know the stories they can’t remember. Carter teaches you how to shoot a bow. Willa teaches you about all the herbs in her greenhouse. You spend whole weeks at The Farm. It’s the end of summer when you know you have to start telling people. You tell Ellie while the two of you watch the sunset from the porch swing. She hugs you. There are tears, but there's peace to them.

You faint while on a walk with Maria at the start of September. You tell her, and then you tell the kids. It’s one of the hardest things you have to do. Even at 21 year old, Carter goes to stone as Willa cries in your arms.

You’re confined to your bed by Christmas. You sleep most of the day. Everyone comes for Christmas. Carter carries your shrinking frame to the couch. There’s laughter and jokes. You notice Maria’s hand in Tommy’s, but you don’t ask.

Joel catches your eye from the corner. He looks younger. In his early 40s or so, you think. He smiles at you. He’s never been so clear. He’s waiting for you.

You stop eating after Christmas. Your thoughts start to feel disjointed, words scratch at your throat and you can’t push them out. Breathing takes all your energy. Willa has extracted opium from poppies. It helps. You hear their voices filter in. Willa, Carter, Ellie, Dina, Maria, JJ, and finally Tommy. They talk to you, but you can’t respond. They reminisce. It brings comfort to you as you feel their voices slipping away until you can’t hear them anymore. It’s dark and silent.

When you open your eyes, you’re greeted by bright clear skies. The wind rustles through the wildflowers around you. A bird chirps in the distance. You stretch out your legs with the delectable sensation only available after a sun soaked nap.

You close your eyes again, you can see Jackson. Willa and Carter are bickering about something. They walk your evening path. Willa is giving Carter a hard time about his latest romantic encounter. You can see The Farm. Dina and Ellie sit on the front porch. JJ is doing his chores. It all feels so close, but you feel separate. You can see it all happening, walk through it with just a thought, but you can’t interact with the world.

There’s a deep chuckle in your ear. You turn your head. Joel lays next to you, a smile on his face. His hair is less gray than last time you saw him. The creases around his eyes aren’t as deep.

His hand touches yours. It’s warm. You’ve passed to the other side of the veil. Your heart leaps.

“Hey Sweetheart, I’ve been waiting for you.”

Tag List: @pedrotonin@amyispxnk@joeldjarin@ilovepedro@justagalwhowrites

@missladym1981@jessthebaker@annieispunk@ashleyfilm@moel-jiller

@eloquentdreamer@lizzie-cakes@hiroikegawa

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #the last of us #tlou #woman (joel miller)#joel miller x you #joel miller fanfiction #the last of us fanfiction #tlou fanfiction #tlou hbo #ppcu fanfiction #pedro pascal #pedro stories #pedrostories

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josephquinnswhore · 11 months ago

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it ain’t weakness, baby - joel miller x female reader

Summary: Joel survived Abby’s brutal encounter, but has left him with major mental and physical disabilities.

Word Count: 2k

Content Warning: mentions of reader having ptsd, blood, amputation, scars, disabilities, murder. blowjob, Joel whining and begging????? cumming in mouth. female masterbation/orgasm. Joel praising reader. insecurity. Joel treating reader like shit. implied age gap.

Note: yeah.. I kinda ruined my own heart with this one.. anyway, enjoy!

Things weren’t the same. They’ll never be the same. That’s what Joel said, over and over. Saying anything he could in order to push you away, to try and build back the wall between you that you’d seamlessly picked away at.. brick by brick all them years ago.

His old age wasn’t his hinderance. His physical disability wasn’t his hindrance. Though, these were his painful claims, that he couldn’t bare to see your youth wasted on someone like him. A no good—worthless old cripple. That’s what he called himself..

“You’re wasting the best years of your life on me! There are plenty of healthy and capable men that could take care of you here! Just.. just go and find someone else!” He’d spat through gritted teeth, his insecurity gnawing at his insides after he saw a younger man offering your hand at the Christmas dance.

Joel Miller had sunken into the dark and ever falling abyss of self destruction and isolation, daring to say cruel things to you, to push you away.

He’ll never admit it’s the last thing he truly wanted, in fact he was terrified of the thought of you leaving.

One day he found out what you did.

“Tell me you’re not that stupid.” He insults, glaring at you from the recliner he’d come so attached to.

“I did. Tommy and Ellie and I, we fucking did it Joel. They’re dead, all of them, we made them suffer. I made her suffer before I buried her sorry ass for ever touching you!” The argument was bound to get heated, after all, they were talking about the girl that mutilated Joel and left him disabled.

“Do you realise what she could’ve done to you? Look at what she did to me!” He snarled. “Goddamn fools the lot of you!”

He didn’t want you to leave, to stop fighting for him. But he convinced himself he was worthless. He saw it; the looks people gave him, sympathy strewn on their faces. Sympathy he didn’t need. He was fine.

It was the irony of it all. He told himself he was fine, he didn’t need help, he could somehow maintain some semblance of control and independence. No matter the wheelchair, or the crutches. Yet, he would snarl and snap at you, unwilling to keep you close. He would angrily claim he was worthless, useless.

“I can do it!” He growls, shrugging off your hand from the metal crutches, his first time using them as a result of his amputated leg. Refusing any help, as he had done every single day for the past few months.

Perhaps at one point, you did grow tired of it. Of his inability to try. After months of trying and limited resources, you’d tried to teach Joel how to write again, how to play guitar, how to sculpt, how to fix.

“Baby come on, please! Just try again for me. Five more minutes then I promise we can stop.” You pleaded, and were met with a dismissive snarl.

“I ain’t no damn kid so stop treating me like one. I’m done with this!” The pen was sent flying, ink splattering all over his favourite journal, which you’d spent a few hours delicately cleaning to save the important book.

You were trying to get him to live. To have the independence he so desperately craved, but he was stubborn, always had been. He was his own worst enemy.

You were even kind enough to take the only spare time you had, to build him a wheelchair accessible ramp, it was weeks worth of labour, and trading a tonne of sentimental personal items to trade for the wood and nails. Yet, it remains unused, even now, as it rains and the snow coats the wood, they begin to rot and wither. All your hard work and dedication to your husband had gone completely unnoticed.

Yet, for some reason, you never quit on him.

“Stop scowlin at me like that and just try, would you?”

He grunted, his hand trembled, the majority of his soup fell off the spoon. With whatever strength he had, he tossed the spoon onto the floor, as it clattered along the wood, it sends soup flying all up the wall. The bowl soon clatters to the ground before you can catch it.

The bowl was heavy, and the sound of it on the hardwood floors sent your movements to a halt—frozen. Your ears ringing as if it were that forsaken shotgun again, tearing a hole through Joel’s leg, flesh and blood splattering against the carpet rug and the floor. Stumbling, you take a moment to yourself, rushing out of the living room and into the kitchen.

The noise over and over replaying in your mind, the golf club coming down on Joel’s head, sure you would witness the love of her life being brutally murdered in front of your eyes. What Joel didn’t know, as far as he assumed, that you had these triggers as a result of ptsd.

The ticking of the clock in the kitchen becomes unbearable and you find yourself back in the living room.

Waiting for you, is another mess of his you’d have to clean.

“It feels like you’re not even trying anymore Joel. It’s been months—why can’t you see I’m trying to help you!” You insist.

“I don’t need your help!” He growled bitterly.

“So you’re just going to sit in that stupid fucking chair till you die huh? Is that it?” Finally reaching the breaking point after your recent trigger, tears cascade down your red cheeks.

His scowl softened, into a look she hadn’t seen since the incident happened. He battles his ego and his stubbornness to finally reach a hand out to you, his shaking fingers just graze your own.

“Baby—you know I don’t mean it.” He murmurs hopelessly. “I’m—I’m sorry. I appreciate you tryin’.”

The atmosphere changes in the air, the winter suddenly doesn’t feel so harsh, and the breeze that slides through the crack in the window frame can’t be felt over the warmth of the heater that Joel nests by.

You kneels down onto the floor, taking his trembling hand. “I’m not giving up on you. When we took our marriage vows I fucking meant them. Just let me be here for you. It’s killing me that you’re trying to push us apart. Please.”

For some reason, your plea pierced his old heart with such reverence that he doesn’t argue, he relaxes his tense shoulders and murmurs, “okay.”

Finally, acceptance, peace. The white flag was being waved. Seventy two days of fighting was finally over.

“Shouldn’t be.. on your knees like that baby. You—you’ll get sick.” The worry in his voice had another kind of anxiety behind it.

One that you soon found the reasoning of.. his cock.. stiffer in his pants than you’d seen it in months. “Don’t tell me you’ve been suffering all this time.” You gasp in disbelief.

His aimless gaze and silence was enough to confirm the accusation. He’d been so sexually frustrated.. that he hadn’t been able to cum.

“This is why you’ve been so upset.” You murmurs. “Isn’t it?”

He answers with a simple and shameful nod, you press a kiss to his hand, ready to offer him a solution. “Can.. Can I help you?”

The question takes him off guard, his thick and greying eyebrows meet together in a low frown.

“Why would you want to touch me? I’m .. I’m a goddamn freak—“

“You shut up and let me decide what I see you as Joel Miller.” You scold. “I see someone strong, brave, handsome.”

He scoffs, but it doesn’t deter you. Instead it only motivates you more. Leaning up against the recliner, your chest on the left side meets the fabric, where his leg had to be amputated from the thigh downward, due to the inflicted shotgun wound.

“I see a man so incredibly capable, of living, thriving. Needing help doesn’t make you weak, baby. Let me take care of you.”

His trembling hands struggle to unclasp the stubborn button on his jeans. “Hey, just let me look after you baby. Relax.” You insist softly.

Making quick work of his button and zipper, your cool and small hands make his cock look enormous as it springs out of his jeans, rock hard. Has it always been this big? Perhaps the illusion of deprivation has her mind as desperate as her dripping cunt. Even your mouth begins to salivate, gulping as you come eye level with the small clear bead of precum.

Without warning, you lurch forward, pressing a small kiss to the red and aching tip, before swirling your tongue around the bulbous head.

“Ah, ah fuck baby,” he whines, sharply inhaling a breath, his good hand moves to grip the back of your head, begging for you to swallow him.

His desperate pleas only serve the purpose of rilling you up, with the gentle touch of his fingertips in your hair, desperately clutching at a fistful of your hair..

Opening your mouth wider to fit his enormous girth, halfway down and you’re already gagging. He whimpers, sounding the most vulnerable she’s heard since their last intimate encounter. Sneakily, you slide a hand down to your entrance, sliding your fingers inside to collect some of the slick before, sliding them upwards towards your enlarged and throbbing clit. whine is muffled by his cock.

You push on, feeling the mushroom tip sliding down your throat as you gag, covering his cock in your warm and sticky saliva. His untamed coarse public hairs tickle your nose.

The noises were absolutely despicable and lewd, the way you took the whole length of him, gagging at every descend, it was a sensation that had him trembling underneath you. His trembling hand attempts to clutch the arm of the recliner.

“Baby, baby stop.” He begged. “Not.. I’m not gonna last.” His breath quickens and as he tensed up, you take his length out of your mouth, but he quickly thrusts back into it, craving the warmth and the pleasure of the hole.

“Don’t stop, hmph please don’t stop.” He pleaded in a whine, Joel Miller, begging you.

You felt your stomach tightening, the pleasure of your fingers on your soaking clit, swirling at the perfect pace and Joel’s soft voice begging. You moan around his cock as your legs tremble underneath you.

Joel finally catches on and it’s the last straw for him before he throws his head back onto the recliner and grunts, the growl that leaves his lips is primal and comes from his throat. “Fuck—such a good girl.” He stutters and thrusts his hips upward, filling your mouth and throat with him, sending his ropes of warm cum straight down your throat, you drink, like it’s the last source of energy you’ll ever receive.

His hand unclenches from your hair as he feels himself shrinking inside of your mouth, encouraging you to look up at him, and you do. You’re met with Joel, looking at you with all the love and adoration and affection you deserve.

“Come here baby.” He murmurs, his thumb caresses your cheek as you look up at him. Climbing up onto his lap, you rest your head on his shoulder.

“Could.. could you please pull the recliner back?” His voice escapes timidly. Here he was, asking for your help; finally.

With a swift movement, you pull on the latch on the side of the recliner and the bottom end swings upward, now you’re both laying, your hand reaches for a warm blanket on the nearby couch, and toss it over the two of you.

“Thanks for not giving up on me.” The world circle in her ears, and she runs her thumb over the large scar on his forehead that spans to his temple and eyebrow. “I wouldn’t ever dream of it.”

“I love you, Mrs Miller.” Is the last thing your happy heart hears before your eyes flutter, peace and pleasure lulling you into a dream.

#joel miller angst #joel miller hurt/comfort #joel miller smut #Joel miller fix #joel miller tlou #husband joel miller #joel goes golfing

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hunnylagoon · 10 months ago

Text

The Killing Moon

PT1: Camp Spirit

Ellie Williams x Reader

Of all the paths you take in life, make sure a few of them are dirt.

Premise: You are a camp counsellor who comes back year after year to be at peace in the one place you love the most. Though there is something different in the air, could it be love or maybe an ancient evil you’ve mistakenly awakened?

Warnings: slight mentions of violence / mentions of monsters and cryptids / raunchy humour / spooky?

The Killing Moon Playlist

PART TWO: The Colour Wars

Week One of Summer Camp

Camp Honey Hills is what you could call 'off the radar'. It sat way up past the hills and forests of Oregon, relatively untouched by the urban nightmare of the city. It stayed peaceful and undisturbed as leaves shed from trees and snow covered every inch of ground, but the camp was alive for one season of the year. Even in the quietness of preparing for the campers to arrive you could still hear counsellors laughing with one another and that's how you could tell the camp was waking up from its ten-month slumber.

"Anyone in the White Tail Deer Cabin, over here!" I held my hand up and waved to the kids piling out of the buses, carrying duffle bags bigger than themselves. The first day of camp was always the most stressful, the only thing to get you through was the idea that it would be over soon and we could get to the fun part of summer.

I already had a handful of girls crowding around me, all of them were either ten or eleven; depending on how you look at it, I either got blessed or cursed that I was assigned to a cabin of older girls. While the younger ones were wild and untamable, the older ones tended to be snarky and standoffish, these girls we’re leaning toward wild.

"Hi," I look up from my clipboard to see a scrawny girl, she has long black hair in two French braids, a summer camp staple. "My thing says that Ellie is my counsellor and I don't know who that is."

"All good," I bend down to her height, "It's that pretty girl over there," I point at Ellie, she's talking to one of the girls in her cabin, and her dark eyebrows are furrowed at what I can only assume to be an absurd question. "You're in the Grizzly Cabin, looks like I'll be seeing a lot of you."

The girl doesn't answer me with words, from the way she's looking at me you'd think I just told her that I sat on her hamster. She gives me one last side glance before she struts off and lugs her duffle bag behind her. "That weird girl said I was in your cabin," I hear ever so faintly in the distance, Ellie bites back a laugh.

I shake off the not-so-subtle cruelty of a pre-teen and go back to yelling for all of the girls in my cabin. So far I had seven of the eight campers I was supposed to have, I was in the lead and if I collected all of the girls in my cabin first, that would be more points towards the camp cup. You should know that I take the camp cup very seriously, it really isn't anything more than a trophy that Tommy and Joel give to a cabin but I haven't lost it in the past five years that I've worked here.

"Is your name Tamar?" I point at a stubby ginger girl, "You look like your name is Tamar," I was on the hunt for the eighth girl in my cabin so I could win the arrival day points.

"Uh, no," She said, looking as muddled as scrambled eggs "My name is Marcy."

"Then get out of here, Marcy," I look past her and nod at a girl with skin the colour of ebony wood "Are you Tamar?" This girl looks around to double-check that I'm talking to her before she shakes her head no.

"Who's my counsellor then?" Marcy who stands at a maximum of what looks to be a mighty 4'3 is peering into my soul with her icy blue eyes and I almost shudder, all I could think is that someone needed to get this four-foot-nothing girl some contact lenses.

"Your counsellor and cabin should be on the slip of paper that administration gave you."

"I lost my paper."

"Um," I glance around at the other counsellors, collecting their campers. My eyes settle on Abby, she's wearing a Camp Honey Hills T-shirt. She looks like she's got everything more put together and organized than any other counsellor so I decided to dump this kid on her. "It's that blonde girl with the big muscles, you better hurry because she'll crush you if you aren't there in time."

Marcy looks at Abby and then back to me with wide eyes at my words before she scurries away. As I watch her roll up to Abby's group, I quickly realize that there is no way she is in that cabin. Abby got the oldest group, consisting of fourteen and fifteen-year-olds and I was sure that Marcy, with all of her missing teeth, was no older than nine. I avert my eyes to avoid any wrath.

I spot Jesse who is trying to wrangle up his boys who are already rough housing and throwing each other in the dirt. Somehow he always ends up with the returning campers or the savage ones who would surely put my head on a stick before taking a shower.

"Is this the White Tail Deer Cabin?" A girl with pale skin and brown hair stares me down, she's tall for her age and lanky.

"Are you Tamar?"

"Yeah," She says it like she's annoyed.

"Perfect," I smile, turning to my group "Alright girls, that's everyone," I turn to look in Tommy's direction "I said that's everyone," I enunciate louder to be sure he can hear me, each of my campers gives one another a snide glance.

Tommy presses his lips together in a thin line and answers me with a thumbs-up. He already knew I would be the first to get my group together, I always was. He and Joel are the camp directors, they were talking about something before I called their attention.

Marcy points at me and Abby looks in my direction, her eyebrows knit together. Great, now I was being snitched on my nine-year-old. Abby calls out my name but I'm already ushering my girls towards the cabins "Who wants to see the cabin?"

In just moments, I'm long gone and walking the trail to the girl's cabins. Breathing one last moment of peace, the earthy bitterness in the air, droplets of last night's rain slipping off leaves. It made me want to savour every moment in the forest I had before summer ended and I had to go back to stuffy dorms and lectures along with people as boring as the city itself. I've never been able to fathom why anyone would dream of the city, of the drug users and creepy men roaming the streets. Concrete everything and headaches from blue light, every day that I was away at college I dreamed of coming back here, I counted down the days I could turn my phone off and disappear from the world for a while.

The boys may have had a shorter walk to their bunkhouse but the girls definitely got the better view. It also didn't hurt that the circle of cabins was right beside the pasture so we woke up to watch horse grazing, unless you don't like horses, then you can just ignore them I guess.

"Okay, ladies," I open the door to our cabin, a little carving of a doe above the doorframe. "This is our cabin, go ahead and claim your bunks, I don't care who goes where, just don't fight about it and no one set up on my bed."

"How do we know which one is yours?" One of the girls, Leslie, asks.

"Because it's the only one that's set up," I say, bluntly and I see the realization hit her like it was a math equation that finally clicked in her head "You guys can unpack and I'll go over the cabin constitution in a minute."

As my campers piled into the cabin, ravenously fighting over who got which bed, I saw Ellie walking up with her girls. Our cabins were right next to each other, we shared a little porch that Maria decorates with plants while Ellie and I neglect them until they're wilted and we try to save them so we don't get yelled at. Alternatively, dump the responsibility of nurturing plants on one of your campers, kids love to water stuff and feel important.

Ellie's campers begin to walk up the porch and into the cabin, one of her girls runs up to me "I wanna be in your cabin again," Lana pouts, I had her last year and I can't say that I have a least favourite camper but if I could, it would definitely be Lana. "Ellen is so mean."

"Well, maybe she would be nicer if you said her name right." I look up to see Ellie who mouths a 'Thank you' "Call her Ellie and maybe you two can be nice to each other."

Lana looks between the two of us before wordlessly walking into the cabin in trail of the other girls. "It's shaping up to be an interesting summer."

"We've survived worse," I cross my arms "Do you remember Tucker? That kid Jesse had who managed to tie a piece of dental floss around a wasp and carry it around with him all day like a balloon."

"He was a little weird but he was chill," Ellie jokes, like every other counsellor, she's wearing the Honey Hills T-Shirt and Demin shorts, her auburn hair pulled back into a half up half down style "How about that girl in Dina's cabin who wrote Reid letters pretending to be Priya?"

I laugh "I can't believe it went on so long."

"I can, Reid's a fucking idiot." She says "He pronounces chutney like chut-uh-ney."

"Oh my god, I hate that so much," I was obviously dragging on this conversation, hunting for reasons to talk to her "And the way he says Ibiza and Cuba and like everything."

"Do you remember when he joined the women supporting women club in high school?"

"Please don't remind me, that was awful," I chuckle "The worst part is that he ran that shit like the navy."

"Are you coming inside?" Chloe pokes her head out the door.

"I guess so," I answer "Uh, I'll see you at the campfire," I tell Ellie before stepping into my cabin and seeing pure chaos. The four bunkbeds that were pristinely set up just hours ago were now clad in each girl's personal bedding, ranging from Chloe's neat colour scheme of light blue and white to Kim's mismatched quilts, fuzzy pillows, and bright orange sleeping bag. They were still working on getting everything set up, specifically getting the fitted sheets onto the twin-sized waterproof mattress. Some of the girls were even beginning to tape up photos of their friends and family from back home. "Wow, looks great girls."

"Can we go to dinner yet?" Leslie asked, her twin braids hanging over her pink hoodie.

"No, it is three o'clock but we will go over the cabin constitution." A couple of the girls let out groans of disapproval "First you always listen to me, do as I say not as I do. Respect others and their belongings, please don't hurt anyone or yourself. Maintain personal hygiene and do not go anywhere without telling someone where. Also, we have shower schedules, showers are absolutely mandatory, and no one will talk their way out of it. On Friday's we have tuck shop, and everyone gets a twenty dollar allowance for that, no you do not actually touch the money it's part of the camp package, I take your orders and come back with candy. We have campfires every night, breakfast, lunch, and dinner are mandatory to attend even if you don't eat which I strongly encourage you do."

"Do we have to go if we're sick?" Tamar asked me.

"No."

"But you just said it was mandatory."

"It's mandatory if you aren't sick."

"But you said-

"Stop," I clasp my hands together "I know I'm older than you guys but I promise you can tell me and ask me anything." I smile, looking around "Any other questions?"

"Can we swear?" Valentina asks, she's kicking her feet off her bed on the top bunk. Her skin is the colour of copper and she has a little dusting of freckles over her button nose.

"I don't really care just don't do it around other adults and don't tell them that I told you that."

"What's the wifi?" Morgan was typing something on her phone which was by far more expensive than the model I owned. Dina had Morgan in previous years and I wasn't too thrilled to be in charge of the (as she claimed) disrespectful blonde monster sent from hell to ruin her life.

"We don't have wifi, we hardly have service," I tell her "And you aren't even supposed to have your phone here but you can't do anything on it anyways so it doesn't matter."

"Do you have a boyfriend?" Leah chimes in, she's sitting on the ground with Oliver and slowly but surely braiding her friend's hair.

"Not at the moment, no."

"So are you a lesbian?" Olive follows up for her friend.

"Um," I press my lips together, my mind failing me, "I think we're good on questions, who wants a camp tour?" No one says or does anything, they just kind of look around awkwardly "That's too bad, you're getting one."

Everyone gathered around the crackling fire pit on splintered wooden benches. The warm glow of the campfire flickered in the midst of a cool summer night, casting dancing shadows on the faces of worn-out campers who were ready for bed.

Tommy had given his speech to sike up the kids for the rest of the summer, he made sleeping in the woods sound like a lot of fun. "We're giving you tonight to settle in but I promise that starting tomorrow we are hitting the ground running, activities from morning until dark, this will be a summer to remember," He smiles brightly "I don't wanna babble too long so I'm gonna give the attention to Miles who is going to kick off our campfire by playing the guitar for us."

Miles sat directly across from me in the first row of benches so I could only see him through the orange flames of the fire. "This is an original song I wrote, so far it's untitled but I'm open to ideas," He made himself comfortable with the guitar, readjusting it to sit in his lap properly.

"What do you wanna bet it's about?" Ellie whispers into my ear from beside me. Since the day cooled into the night, she's thrown on a gray hoodie to keep herself warm. You would be an idiot to ignore how pretty she looks illuminated by nothing more than stray stars in the sky and a campfire.

"I'll put five bucks on sex,"

"Sex?" She raises her eyebrows "I don't think he's stupid enough to sing a song about sex in front of kids, I'm gonna say it's about being a tortured artist."

"It could easily be both," I look down and see Ellie's muddied converse "We break even if he does both." The fire roared before us like our own miniature hell.

Miles clears his throat and lets his curly blonde locks fall over his forehead. Beginning to strum, he made that weird face he makes every time he plays guitar, where he scrunched his eyebrows together "Baby, maybe, I just wanna do you, do you, do you wanna do me? do me underneath the moonlight," He's too lost in his song to see the horror on every counsellor's face "Baby, baby, maybe I will steal you, steal you, just so I can feel you, feel you, maybe that would heal you."

I cover my mouth with my hand to stop me from cackling. The older kids were on the verge of laughing themselves while the younger kids seemed utterly confused. "Holy shit," I mutter so quietly that my words got blown away with the wind.

Ellie didn't try to stop her laughter, just hide it, she buried her head into the crook of my neck so no one could see how red her face was. She was far better off than Dina who was laughing so hard that she was clutching her stomach and nearly falling over, Miles seemed to be oblivious to all of this. In Dina’s defence, it was difficult not to laugh at a song so wildly inappropriate and bad in general.

Miles had far from the best voice, he just sounded like every other white guy who sang Wonderwall at a girl, not to her but at her "Sticky thighs are you wild now or just a memory? I heard your broken cries and looked into your eyes under the moonlight, so do you wanna do me, do me, so I can heal you, heal you, from the inside-

He stops abruptly when Joel takes the guitar away from him "How about Sawyer tells us the camp legend instead."

Those who knew who Sawyer was looked towards him, Miles was trying helplessly to get his guitar back from Joel who was holding it just slightly out of reach. "It's been a while since I've told this so forgive me if-

"No one cares, just tell it," Ashlynn said. She was one of the counsellors who clearly didn't want to be there, which meant all of the campers thought her to be the coolest; in all fairness, she was cool. Ashlynn had bleach blonde shaggy hair, so light that it almost looked white. Her eyeliner was always a little smudged and she was only there to keep the kids alive, she tended to be the first to opt out of group activities and go to bed early.

"Okay well, it starts way back in the sixteen-hundreds, on these very grounds there was a small village," Sawyer put on his best storytelling voice which was just him lowering his voice an octave. "They lived in peace for decades, and throughout all of those decades there was a woman named Abigail who never seemed to age, while all of her friends and family developed wrinkles, their hair turned gray, and their bodies sagged, Abigail still looked nineteen even at her alleged age of sixty-seven."

The new campers seemed enraptured but returning kids and counsellors seemed bored out of their minds, I even spotted one boy who's been attending this camp longer than I have, mouthing the words of Sawyers tale.

"They accused her of witchcraft and she was shortly exiled far up the hill into what we now call the Honey House. They left her with nothing more than a hunting knife, a canteen of water, the clothes on her back, and a small portion of seeds. The villages burned down her home in town along with everything inside it. If you think that is the end-

"Think again!" Dina cut in, getting up from her spot and squeezing herself beside Sawyer. "With Abigail gone the villagers thought they would be safe but just days after Abigail was exiled, anomalies began to appear-

Sawyer chimed back in "At first they were harmless, pixies, gnomes, jackalopes, nyiads by the rivers and dryads in the trees. The creatures appearing slowly began to appear more and more dangerous and at last, the snatchers arrived-

"Like a muscular and tall emaciated human. The most terrifying creatures to ever be seen, they roamed just outside of the village and lured children in, they slurped the flesh right off of the children's bodies like prey and wore the clothes of their last victim. They have no lips just a bloody gash and when they don't eat, the gash begins to reseal, leaving nothing on their gray faces but large and pale sunken eyes the size of my fist!" Dina clenched her hand into a fist and held it up for everyone to see.

"Their fingers are long and rotted, long curls of claws on each of their ten spindly fingers. The males are devoid of all hair and the females hardly have hair at all, just small plugs of greasy and matted strands. Their teeth are sharper than fangs and are rotten black and yellow, a foul odour escaping each time they open their disgusting gashes of a mouth. Though the snatchers were the most feared among villagers, they were also being terrorized by other creatures, such as pine devils who slithered from the forests at night and attacked families. There was ghouls who would take on the form of the last corpse they devoured and of course, the wampus which was half-man and half-cat, would stalk villagers.”

"Like a furry?" One of the boys from Jesse's cabin peeped.

"No," Sawyer exasperated "Like a scary and intimidating cat-man."

"So does it look more like the Cat in the Hat or like Cats the Musical?"

"It doesn't look like either, it's a terrifying man that is covered in fur and looks like a cat but is also a man."

"So Cats the Musical?"

Dina ignored the comment and continued with the story "After a year the village population had been cut in half and everyone thought it to be the witch, they figured that Abigail had cursed them for exiling her so they lit up their torches at sunset and marched up the hill to the Honey House. Abigail pleaded with them and explained that she hadn't cursed them but during her residency in the village she had warded off each evil spirit and creature with her witchcraft but she no longer could protect the village after they burned her home down and all her supplies inside of it."

After muttering to Jesse to get his cabin in order, Sawyer picked up when Dina left off "The villagers begged for her forgiveness and apologised for their cruel acts in the hope that Abigail would rid them of the monsters, Abigail said she would but in return they grant her return to the village, so the townfolk agree-

"With all her supplies to ward off the creatures gone, Abigail resorts to a blood ritual. She tells the townfolk that they must complete the ritual before sundown. She creates five pentagrams made of sticks and twine. Abigail races around the village to place the pentagrams and avoid the creatures while she does so, the villagers ward the monsters away from her with their torches. At each pentagram, Abigail slices her palm open and squeezes her fist to drip blood onto each one, then she ignites the pentagram with a torch and utters an incantation. She slashes her thighs and calves to get enough blood and in a last-ditch effort, she cuts her wrists open to finalize the ritual," Only the younger kids had been paying any attention to the story, they seemed downright terrified, clinging to one another but trying to play it cool.

"I fail to see how this is any less inappropriate than Miles's song," Cat mutters with one girl huddled into her, her arm slung over the little girl and rubbing her back to soothe her.

"Once she had completed the ritual, Abigail said that no creatures should return to the village. She is bleeding out in the middle of the town square but the town doctor only watches her, and refuses to help so she begs the appointed mayor to bury her beside her mother, he answers by saying 'The graveyard is sacred and we will not let it be tainted by filthy witch blood' in her final breath she plunged for the mayor and drags her bloody palms down his face, cursing him. Once she is no longer breathing her body begins to rapidly age into the appearance of the sixty-eight-year-old woman she was supposed to be. The townsfolk cut Abigail's body into five parts, two legs, two arms, and the torso with the head still attached and buried her on the border of the village."

Everyone sat in silence "Is that the end?" someone asked, though they were in the back row of benches and I couldn't see who it was.

"Yup," I answer "Abigail gets renamed as 'the girl that time forgot' in folklore and she never gets revenge on the townsfolk for betraying her after she laid down her life for them." I had never liked the legend. Young boys thought it was cool and gory and fifteen-year-old girls thought it was poetic and tragic but I hated it to death. Other camps have fun light-hearted legends about playful forest spirits or secret villages of fairies deep in the woods but we got an edgy story about a woman who just wanted to be loved.

"I wish she let the snatchers eat them all," Ellie said the same thing that she says every year, she wasn't wrong, that's how I wished it ended too.

"Just wait until one eats you," I joke.

"Nah, I'd kick it's ass."

"I'm sure you would but right now you owe be five bucks.”

"No, we didn't pick this legend, it's true," I heard Jesse's voice cutting through the conversations of the crowd.

"Bullshit," Mordecai said, he was one of those kids who thought it was cool and edgy to be an asshole and act older than he was. He despised summer camp but every summer his parents forced him back much to our dismay.

"It's not," Bowie jumped in "The snatchers come back to visit us sometimes."

"Yeah? I thought Abigail banished them with blood magic."

"The spell is growing weaker with time, it's slowly wearing out and there hasn't been a witch to revive it," Jesse was a good storyteller, he should've been the one to deliver the camp legend. He found a way to enrapture people with his words.

That's when I decided to call it a night for my girls, the longer you stayed at the campfire, the more outlandish stories the guys would tell and I learned my lesson last year that it is very easy to give ten-year-olds nightmares. "Whitetail deer, we're heading out," I stand up.

A few of the girls had groans and complaints while others seemed happy to leave. Ellie looked up at me from where I stood and did the same "Grizzlies, we're leaving too,"

"You're just saying that because you wanna hit it, Williams," Dean said between obviously fake coughs into his fist, causing Ashlynn to bite back a smile and Miles to playfully punch him on the arm.

"Dean," Tommy gave him a stern look and said nothing else, Dean took the hint and ceased his laughter.

"Headcount," I say looking at the girls in front of me "Chloe, Leslie, Kim, Leah, Tamar, Morgan, Valentina, and Olive." Each of them stands in a close-huddled bundle "Alright, don't go off trail."

The walk back from the campfire was gorgeous during the day and borderline mortifying at night. Since the foliage was so thick you could hardly see the sky if you looked up and at night the little piece of clearing that was the trail was pitch black, we were guided by nothing more than mine and Ellie's flashlights.

The two of us had been trailing behind the girls in silence to keep an eye on everyone until Ellie felt the urge to speak up "Uh, by the way, that thing that Dean said about-

"I don't care."

"You don't?"

"Yeah he's a dick and his cabin looks like a wooden prison cell."

"It does," She furrows her eyebrows in thought "It’s like he's conditioning his campers for war."

I didn't notice when I did this, it must've been a subconscious thing but I mindlessly reached for Ellie's hand to hold. I used my free hand to keep the flashlight focused on the trail and campers ahead of us. "Sawyer has to walk back to the bunkhouses across the camp with those little monsters."

"Payback for all of the pranks he's pulled with Bowie," Ellie mutters. Sawyer took pride in initiating the prank wars every single summer the same way I strove to win the camp cup. His pranks weren't also lighthearted and fun, he and Bowie organized this prank where Sawyer put a bag over Tyson's head and dragged him to the administration office in the middle of the night and then pretended to shoot Bowie dead in front of him. Tyson quit the next morning and Sawyer got a hefty write-up.

"So are you still talking to Cat?" I ask.

"Nah, that was never gonna work out."

"Because she's too hot for you?” I joke.

"What? No," She whipped her head to look at me "Why? You wanna get with her or something, you have my blessing."

"I'm good, I'm a little preoccupied at the moment."

"Who with?" Her voice dripped with accusation. Ellie's hand clenching just the slightest bit tighter on mine.

"Work? You should know that I don't date at camp, to think that I thought you knew me," I tease her.

"What about that summer with Chandler?"

"That doesn't count," My smile drops and I fight the urge to shiver at the memories. Before I was a counsellor at Honey Hills, I was a camper and I happened to have my first kiss at age thirteen with a boy named Chandler, our braces got stuck together.

"Everyone saw, so it counts," I can't quite make out Ellie's face in the dark but I can hear the smile in her voice "Remember how Joel had to pull out the pliers."

"You need to stop before I sacrifice you to the Honey Hills Snatchers," I look ahead on the trail and I could've sworn my heart stopped "Stop!" I yell and all of the girls look back at me, I drop Ellie's hand "Where is Olive?"

All of the campers look at each other for answers, and then Leah opens her mouth "She saw a rock that was shaped like a heart and when off trail to get it."

"Well I'm not seeing a heart-shaped rock or Olive but it's super safe in these woods so no need to panic."

"No one's panicking," One of the girls in Ellie's cabin says, she was the same one who called me weird during arrival.

I run one hand down my face in exasperation, using the other to keep the flashlight trained on the girls "Everyone, stay here with Ellie, I'm going to be right back," I look at Leah "How far back did she go off trail?"

She shrugs "How am I supposed to know? I don't have a tape measure."

"Sweet," I answer before marching straight into the pitch-black woods. It was almost scarier to be in the dark with a flashlight instead of no light source, it felt like I had been in a video game or horror movie and I was about to get my throat slashed by a maniac in a mask.

Every rustle of leaves or snap of twigs made me feel uneasy. I knew the woods were safe like I had told the girls but that didn't stop irrational fear from bringing up stories of cryptids and cuts from murder podcasts. If you ever played that shitty Slenderman game, you'd know exactly what I'm looking at; not Slenderman himself, just an eery forest.

I called out for Olive, my imagination running wild with thoughts of unseen dangers lurking in the shadows. The forest seemed to come alive around me, its inhabitants whispering secrets that only the night could hear.

"Olive?" My voice echoes into the night, I did what I could to ignore whatever fear I was feeling. I had walked through these woods a million times, I knew every pathway better than I knew the city. This forest was like home to me, it didn't feel right to be so on edge.

I couldn't help but jump when something loud snapped beneath my sneaker, instinctively I brought my flashlight down to look at it, moving my foot out of the way. It had been a pentagram made out of sticks, wow really funny, it might've scared me if Ashlynn and Bowie hadn't made dozens of them and laid them around camp last summer to scare the shit out of kids. It had broken in half beneath my weight.

There was a possibility that I was going crazy in the five minutes I was alone in the woods because I thought I heard a rustle but the beam of my flashlight revealed nothing but the dense thicket of trees and the inky blackness beyond.

Something charged behind me, wrapping its skinny arms around my torse and I couldn't help but flinch. "Olive," I turned my head and brought the flashlight to shine down on her "Don't run off in the dark ever again, you scared the shit out of me."

"I'm really sorry, I won't do it again," She said. I tried to pry her off me but she was hanging on like a Koala, eventually, I got her to settle for just holding my hand. "It was stupid."

"Don't beat yourself up too much, you're ginger and that's punishment enough," I was hastily yanking her along so we could get back on the trail and shortly back into the comfort of the cabin "Did you get your rock at least?"

"Yeah," She held her palm out, the rock was an oval with the littlest indent in the middle, but I let her act like it was shaped like a heart.

"How'd you get so far out?"

"I grabbed the rock and then I saw a cat and I followed it."

Cat? "You must've seen Buckley, he's friendly," I tell her. Buckley was the resident dog at camp, he was probably older than me and wandered around before settling at Tommy and Maria's cabin for the night.

A moment after I dragged the little girl along we broke past the tree line and into the clearing of the trail. I looked around and spotted Ellie and the girls a good 40 yards or so behind. Clutching Olive's tiny hand in mine I walked towards them, flicking my flashlight on and off to catch their attention.

"Finally wrangled her," I let out an almost nervous laugh.

"You said not to go off trail," Tamar wrinkled her nose.

"Yes, Tamar, I know."

I don't know how late into the night it was when I was awoken by every girl in my cabin squabbling with one another. I got up and turned on the flashlight that I kept on my dingy bedside table "What's going on girls?"

"The snatcher is coming to get us!" Leslie cried, and I mean cried. Her face was red and puffy, her eyes were so glassy that they reflected any and all light, hot tears streaming down her round face.

That's when my annoyance turned to concern. Oh god, I was going to kick Sawyer and Dina's asses tomorrow morning and Joel for even suggesting the camp legend even though it made my campers too afraid to sleep year after year. "No, snatchers aren't real, they were made up in the sixteen hundreds to keep kids away from the forest."

"We heard it!" Morgan chimed in.

"Guys it's just the placebo effect, you've convinced yourself that it's real-

I froze when I heard a long scratch down the door and a wet guttural growl. It was low and deep, shaking me to my very core. Whoever was on the other side began to scratch harshly on the door, jiggling the locked door handle. When the handle didn't budge it began to slam itself on the door, each thump louder than the last. It was still groaning and grumbling in a harsh, awful voice.

The girls screamed, Olive and Leah, were hugging each other tightly, clenching their eyes shut. Valentina had a bottom bunk and slipped beneath the bed, covering her eyes with her hands. Leslie (like I had mentioned) was a blubbering mess, crying and hyperventilating too hard to get any words out. It looked like Morgan was trying to call someone on her phone and Tamar had her knees tucked to her chest, hugging herself. Both Kim and Chloe threw their blankets over top of them, pretending to disappear.

The voice sounded again except this time I realized it wasn't just a growl, it was a word "Girrrrllllls." Then it began to scratch the door all over again. When I tell you this voice was the most unsettling thing I've ever heard, I mean it. It was wet and phlegmy whilst being course and grumbly. From the very beginning, I had known it was a prank.

I marched towards the door flicking on the light in the cabin on and dropping my flashlight, before hammering my fists on the door "Fuck off!" I kicked the door, the sound stopped for just a moment before it slammed itself against the door.

Each thud against the sturdy wooden door reverberated through the night like a thunderclap. Whoever was sent to scare us was sure doing a good job. Their breathing was low and heavy almost as loud as the banging of the door itself. "Don't open the door," Leslie heaved out between sobs.

The girls huddled together in terror, their breaths hitching in fear as they strained to discern the source of the horrifying sounds "Girrllllllssss," It grumbled again "GIRRRLLSSSSCOMMOUT," I could see the door moving with the force of whoever was deeply committed to this role. The growling slowly morphed into a screech or maybe it was something more like a hiss.

I was almost at my breaking point, the first day of camp and I already had to deal with these bullshit pranks. I decided to slam my body against the door, matching whoever was on the other side "Go back to your cabin, you piece of shit!" I kept banging my fist and slamming my palms against the door until I heard them scuttle away.

Reaching for a baseball out of Valentina's open duffle bag, I swung the door open and saw the slender figure of what I assumed to be a teenage boy running to the pasture "Tell Sawyer to eat shit!" I yelled before throwing the ball at the figure, it hit them but it didn't do much, they just stumbled for a split second before disappearing into darkness.

"What the fuck is that noise?" Dina shouted from her cabin, I could tell I had woken her up from a nice sleep from the way her puffy eyes were squinting in my direction. A few girls poked their heads outside from the doorframe behind Dina.

"What happened?" Now Priya was walking towards my porch. Her long black hair was braided perfectly and she had her silk sleepmask pulled onto her forehead. She still looked put together in a hoodie and bunny pyjama pants.

"Can you guys shut the fuck up?" Ellie opened her door and looked me up and down.

"Be quiet!" Abby shouted from an open window in her cabin. By this point, I was sure everyone in the girl's bunk houses was wide awake and I would be getting a stern talking to by either, Tommy, Joel, or Maria, honestly, I didn't know which was worse.

Confusion quickly grew on Ellie's face, she lowered her voice "What's going on?"

All eyes were on me for answers but I didn't have any. Despite convincing myself it was a prank, that didn't stop my hands from shaking. "It was one of the boys playing a prank, don't worry about it, he's long gone by now."

"Fucking Sawyer," Dina murmured walking back into her cabin and slamming the door behind her.

"Are you girls okay in there?" Priya asked, looking at the mortified girls in my cabin, concern etched across her bronze face. "It was a dumb joke, you're all okay now."

Priya had invited herself into my cabin to offer her solace to the probably traumatized little girls, while she was doing so, I pressed myself flat against the front of the cabin, between mine and Ellie's doors, trying to process how I was going to find a way to make these girls unafraid.

"They do that prank every year and it's almost crazy how it's literally never been funny," I tell Ellie while I stare straight ahead at the pasture they faded away into.

"I wouldn't worry about it," Ellie stands next to me, leaning against the wall "We'll get them back tenfold."

"Those girls are all gonna wanna call their parents and I'm so fucked," I drag my hands down my face. I didn't want to see the look on Joel's face when I tell him about this. There's gonna be sixteen parents who will spam call the camp and verbally harass me over the phone, this wasn't my first rodeo. Sure the prank was shitty but I guarantee no one is leaving this summer with newfound trauma to tell their therapist in a decade.

"Relax, he's just gonna chew out the boys for pulling this shit again."

I looked at her for a moment, the silence hung between us like birds on a wire before I lunged in for a hug. She was a little taken aback but didn't seem to mind "I just need a hug, don't make it weird."

"Okay, wasn't planning on it," She teased. I took a deep breath in and caught the scent of firewood, petrichor, and axe body spray, an Ellie classic.

“I'm really glad I have you as a friend," I mutter into her shoulder, so quietly that I wasn't even sure she heard me. I let us stay like that for longer than I probably should've before breaking away "Okay, I gotta be a grown-up and deal with this instead of letting Priya do recon."

She nodded pressing her lips together in the same awkward way the socially inept guys from high school did "See you for breakfast?"

"For sure," I smile and walk back into my cabin to see Priya sitting next to Chloe with one soothing hand rubbing her back. "Thanks, Priya, I'll take it from here, you outta get back to your girls."

Priya had this maternal way about her, I wasn't sure what it was but she sure had the ability to nurture. She started at camp last year and I was happy to see her return. She gave her farewells to all of the girls who had only met her minutes ago and were already attached.

"Can I be in her cabin?" Kim asked, she had finally calmed down.

"No, you're in my cabin where we have fun like this every night!" I forced a smile on my face trying to get the girls back into a good mood.

"This isn't fun at all," Tamar, said, bluntly may I add.

"Yeah, this sucks," Morgan added on.

"Guys, listen," I began "I'm super sorry this happened, I need all of you to know that it's just a really bad prank, it happens every year to different cabins. Boy being boys- sorry I shouldn't say that because you guys are young and I know their gender shouldn't excuse their bad behaviour but what I'm trying to say is guys are assholes."

"Yeah, they're assholes!" Olive repeated.

"Maybe don't shout that," I pointed at her "But they are and if you want I will storm down to their cabins right now and yell at them until they cry."

The cabin began to erupt in shouts of no, little girls with wide eyes, frantically shaking their heads. "Please don't leave us alone," Leah pleaded.

"Okay, I won't, I'll yell at them in the morning. Do you guys want me to leave the lights on?" Everyone answered with a 'yes' to my question.

"Where are you going?" Valentina asked me, peeking out from beneath her thick layers of blankets.

"To my bed?”

"That's too far away from us."

I let out a deep breath "Alright, I'll just bring my sleeping bag onto the floor and I will sleep in the middle, okay?" Nothing better than sleeping on the hardwood floor in the middle of four bunkbeds and eight ten-year-old girls.

Surrounded by the shallow breathing of girls far too startled to sleep, I decided that tomorrow I would wake up dressed in adventure, straddling a star. Every day that follows I will guide these girls to the moon and back.

A/N: Hi y’all, I’ve been gone a hot minute because of medical issues and whenever I have time to write, I’m too tired to. Anyways, we’re back and better. I know I should probably finish my other series but I’ve had this one drafted for a while and since I’m super sick and basically confined to my house for the next week I’m hoping to get this series done. Thanks for reading!

@readbydayana

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setmeatopthepyre · 1 month ago

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Hey so I'm either delusional or onto something or both but the three calls in 08x06 kind of work perfectly as references to bucktommy's storyline as a past/present/future.

Past: Misdirects (07x04 throwback) Call 1: The mom in the urn. This scene was actually originally shot for 07x04 from what I can gather, and it fits perfectly in that episode's theme of misdirection. First, the audience (and the first responders) assume the actual live mother of the caller is being kidnapped. Misdirect: it's the dead mom's ashes in an urn. We then assume the husband is worried about losing his mom's ashes. Misdirect: it's actually the urn that's worth a ton of money.

This call fits right in with the other storylines that episode, most importantly the one that leads to Buck's bi awakening and Bucktommy's first kiss: Buck & the audience think Buck is jealous of Eddie spending more time with someone else, but it turns out to be Tommy's attention he's actually after. This is how they meet, this is their past.

Present: Spilling guts and breaking up (08x06) Call 2: The messy messy divorce. A married couple are fighting out a divorce in a lawyer's office. The husband keeps sneezing whenever he lies, causing him to pop his stitches and literally and figuratively spill his guts. The messy truth comes out, and despite this there's a touching moment where he lies that he never loved her. The wife and Buck have a one-on-one talk in which she tells Buck "He lied, he really did love me." and Buck says "I'm sure he did. Does." To which she replies, "Saying he didn't love me is the most beautiful lie he's ever told." It still ends in a messy split with hurt feelings.

Here we have a pretty clear reference to what's happening and is about to happen in this very episode between Buck and Tommy. The messy guts of both of their pasts pertaining to Abby have or will be spilled. The breakup takes both of them by surprise. To quote the lawyer(?) the husband in this scene was having an affair with: "One minute he was fine and the next was like a bomb went off." The audience goes through quite a similar journey. Where the scene opens with one lawyer saying that the process "doesn't have to be painful", we leave feeling absolutely eviscerated.

Future: Pushing away & lifting up (??x??) Call 3: The boy in the pipe. We have an older brother being annoyed by the fact that his younger brother constantly wants him to read to him. When the younger brother asks again, the older brother lashes out and tells him to go away. When he realizes his mistake, the younger brother has wedged himself into an exposed pipe in the yard, underground and in the muck where no one can reach him. When the 118 show up, it's determined that the only one who can pull the younger brother out, is the one who pushed him away and inadvertently caused him to be down there in the first place: the older brother.

So yes, this call is clearly set up to make Chimney realize how having another kid would mean Jee-yun has another person looking out for her and vice versa. However, the specific backstory/build-up of the older brother pushing the younger one away doesn't relate to Chim's situation at all. It does sound a lot like Buck & Tommy's break up, where both parties clearly love and care for each other (though in a different way than familial, clearly) but one still ended up pushing the other away - and, I assume, regretting it. This could be foreshadowing a future in which Buck is down in a dark place (heartbreak), with only one person who is exactly the right fit to save him: the very guy who put him there in the first place.

#help I cranked this out in one sitting and I need to sleep #anyway just wanted to get these thoughts out there now that I finally rewatched the episode #911 spec #911 speculation #bucktommy #911 spoilers #911 #911 s8

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johanna-swann · 29 days ago

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Sorry if this feels vent-y but I am kinda done with the ppl that keep blaming Buck for the break up and absolving Tommy completely. I get so many saw him breaking up with Buck to be OOC but to go as far as to claim that it's Buck's fault for moving too fast when it's clearly about Tommy's insecurity is a bit fucked up. I have yet to see a person talking about how it was Tommy who fucked things up, if it was someone else acting out based on insecurity they would have been eviscerated and rightfully blamed but not Tommy ig he's a perfect angel who even if he hurt others it's not his fault for being fragile and insecure.

Well, personally I blame the writers for the break-up, but maybe that's just me.

Jokes aside, the simple answer is that everyone probably has their own personal opinion on this. Depending on your personal point of view, your own experiences with past relationships and so on, you will sympathise with one character more than the other or maybe with both of them equally. It's not a "Team Buck or Team Tommy" situation, we have two men here who both care about each other very much, but who also both bring issues to the table which the other one doesn't know about. It's not a cut and dried case, there's plenty of blame to go around. I have a lot more thoughts about this and I will take this as an excuse to rant, so settle in and buckle up.

The thing about Buck is that we see his thought process. We know which steps he went through, we know his train of thought, we know he's serious about Tommy. So it's easy for us to empathise and understand his journey up to the actual break-up. It's also easy for us to pick up familiar patterns though. Like Buck jumping all in all at once and putting his foot in his mouth a little in the process.

Because Buck definitely shouldn't have dropped "I want you to move in with me" on Tommy like that. As far as we know they've never talked about this topic before, they haven't exchanged "I love you"s yet, Buck doesn't even know if he loves Tommy. In my opinion he should've approached the subject very differently. He could've said: "I've been thinking about the future and I think we should talk about maybe living together in the not so far future." Have an open conversation about it instead of presenting Tommy with a fait accompli. At the very least he should've phrased it as a question, not as an "I want you to do x" statement. Not at this point in the relationship.

But all in all Buck's words and actions are somewhat relatable or at least comprehensible and show that he wants a future with Tommy.

On the other side of the break-up we have Tommy. The only piece of information about his dating history we have is Abby - a relationship that was never quite real, that he probably still feels ashamed about a little and that happened, what, 9 years earlier? At least 9 years. (The timeline is not lining the time as it should, somebody please check if Tim Minear knows how a calendar works.)

My point is: We don't know what Tommy is looking for in a relationship. We don't know if he's been hurt by a serious romantic relationship before. We don't know what he wants for his future in the long run. All the things that made us root for Buck and for this relationship to succeed - we know none of that about Tommy. But we do know that he thinks Buck has the power to break his heart. We know he already likes (loves?) Buck so much that he's terrified what this will do to him if he lets it continue. He'd rather turn tail and run than risk getting hurt by Buck. At least this way he's in control of the situation.

[This is very much the reason they broke up. Buck's mistake was a stupid mistake, but fixable. Tommy ended the relationship and ran. You can't fix something that's already over with someone who's no longer there. But I digress.]

A lot of what we get from their canon dialogue and overall relationship still doesn't add up. If Tommy thought he was just Buck's starter boyfriend, then why did he give Buck a second chance in the first place? If he thought this was never going to get serious, why did he agree to go to his sister's wedding with Buck after only one failed date? If he was afraid of liking Buck too much and getting his heart broken, why did he stick around for 6 months? 6 months is a very long time for a relationship you think will never go anywhere anyway.

It doesn't make sense and even throughout the scene where Tommy very abruptly dumps Buck they framed Tommy as a considerate guy with a big heart who truly cares about Buck. So we assume that there must be a reason. That something must've happened to Tommy at some point which makes him believe that this sort of relationship is not something he can have and that he can't trust this happiness.

If Tommy had a healthy sense of self-worth to go with his genuine feelings for Buck, he probably would've said something like: "Slow down, let's talk this through before we make any decisions." He wouldn't have run. And that absolutely was Tommy's mistake. Yes, Buck was a little over-eager upon discovering that he really can see a future with Tommy, but it was Tommy's responsibility to communicate his thoughts, feelings, needs and doubts. Instead he came up with some half-baked excuse and bailed.

TL;DR: They both made a mistake here. While Buck's mistake was relatively harmless in nature and not the one that put the final nail in the coffin, his mistake was definitely the more stupid one though. Buck fell back into an old pattern and thoughtlessly made a huge jump while just assuming Tommy would jump with him. His mistake was fixable and they could've probably talked this out, but Buck was a little reckless here and didn't really consider Tommy's side. He was too caught up in his own enthusiasm which, again, understandable. But still a little inconsiderate tbh.

Tommy's mistake came from a place of deep seated hurt. Yes, his mistake had the bigger impact, but it's the kind of mistake you empathise with instead of roll your eyes at. He was a coward, but he was a hurt coward.

We've all been there at some point, probably. Maybe not in the context of a relationship, but I've been a hurt coward almost every day of my life, self-sabotage is my second middle name. I feel for Tommy here. And I also feel for Buck of course, he barely even registered what was happening and then Tommy was already out the door. But when we break it down to the mistakes they made Buck's mistake gave me "not again you idiot" vibes and Tommy's mistake gave me "I'm so sorry, who hurt you?" vibes.

#911 abc #911 spoilers #bucktommy #bucktommy breakup #anon ask #evan buckley #tommy kinard

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rockermybuddie · 1 month ago

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I’ll Never Leave You

Eddie x Buck

Summary: Eddie and Buck have a deep conversation on Eddies couch after Buck came over after his break up with Tommy.

Warnings: not proof read, unsure of what im even writing.

A/n: Im still not over Bucktommy break up. Blah blah blah yeah yeah yeah they only brought Tommy back for one reason.

Im still sad ok.

In my head this is what i need to see in the next episode. What i imagine is happening.

In no way am i trying to make Tommy the bad guy in this. If you have seen any of my other posts since Epi 6, you know i love Tommy and im a multi shipper.

——————

“Tommy broke up with me.” Buck muttered. Its the first thing either of them said since they sat in the couch, the case of beer almost empty.

Eddie paused and made his known face he makes when Buck tells him he broke up with is current partner.

He turns his head and sees how hurt Buck is. Of course breaking up with someone is hard but Tommy was good for Buck so even Eddie is feeling sad for Buck.

“I’m sorry Buck.” Eddie rubs Bucks shoulder reassuringly as he finishes off his beer.

The two sat there in silence again as Eddie doesn’t want to push Buck to talk and Buck is wondering why no one stays in his life.

“We both dated Abby.”

“Really?” Eddie furrows his brows as he proceeds to think of what Buck just said.

“Yep. Tommy and Abby were engaged. And after that i was the himbo.”

“Himbo?” Eddie snorted but quickly cleared his throat when he saw the look Buck was giving him.

“Sorry.”

Eddie got up and grabbed another six pack from the fridge bringing it into the living room handle Buck another beer.

“I asked him to move in with me.”

“You did?” Eddie thinks of how long him and Tommy have been together but then again he cant say anything. He asked Marisol to move in with him.

“Then he said that ‘I’ would end up breaking his heart because he knows how this ends.”

Buck leaned his head back against the couch as he finished off another beer.

“I thought he was the one. He said that he was my first not my last. But they can be they same thing, thats what i told him. He didnt believe me. Do you believe me?” Buck looks over at Eddie who is fingering his beer bottle.

“Y-yeah, sure….they can be the same thing.” Eddie mumbles out. The beer is starting to get to him.

Buck puffs out his cheeks as he looks down at the floor. He notices Eddie is still just in his underwear and a button down with the collar flipped up. But he doesn’t say anything about it.

“Everyone always leaves me.” Buck says after minutes of silence. A tear falls down his cheek but he wipes it away.

“Maddie has left me multiple times, my parents clearly didnt want me in the first place. Bobby left. The damn lawsuit. And everytime i ask someone to move in with me, they leave.” Buck named off everyone whos ever left him making him realize that maybe hes the problem.

“Buck we are all way past the lawsuit.” Eddie reminds him. “Bobby came back to the 118. Maddie and Chimney are here and Hen is here.”

“I know. I just wish people who claim they love me would stay.” Buck says

“We all love you Buck.”

“Not like that.”

Eddie turns his head and looks at Buck, the conversation at the coffee shop with Father Brian.

“You’ll always have me Buck.” Eddie tells him, he feels his heart beat start to race and he starts to feel sweat droplets around his forehead.

Buck turned his head looking at Eddie and repeated what Eddie had just said in his head trying to put it in place with the conversation.

“What do you mean by that?” Buck asks

“I- i um… I’m your best friend.”

“Yeah?” Buck can clearly tell something is going on with Eddie, and its not how drunk he is something was going on before he got there.

“I lied to you.” Eddie says, he sees the hurt fill Bucks face even more and it makes him feel even worse.

“About what?” Buck asks him. “Being my best friend?”

“No. About me. Who i am.” He sees the pain he caused turn into confusion on Bucks face.

“I went and talked to Father Brian and he said that I’m punishing myself of ‘joy’ told me to find a way to express myself.” Eddie explains

“Is that why you shaved?” Buck asks

“Part of it.”

“The other part is because i was hiding from myself.” Eddie confessed. He found it easy to talk to Buck, he didnt feel pressure or judged.

“Are you done hiding from yourself?” Buck asks. He knows Eddie feels like a failed parent since Chris is in Texas with his parents.

He knows Eddie hasnt been himself since and he hasn’t wanted to push him about it.

“Im not sure.” Eddie says “theres something else.”

Buck reaches for another beer, as he leans back onto the couch hes a bit closer to Eddie. Their arms brush against each other as Buck takes a swig of the beer. Waiting for someone to say another word.

“Find joy” Eddie mumbles

“Hmm?” Buck looks over at Eddie.

“Joy.” Eddie places a hand on Bucks cheek as he looks into Bucks blue eyes.

“Eddie.” Buck says, the hand on his cheek feeling like a hot mold leaving a scar on his face.

This had to be the beer because why is Eddie staring into his sould wetting his lips with his tongue.

“Kiss me.” Eddie whispers

“W-what?”

“Kiss me.” He repeats

At first Buck thought he was joking there was no way Eddie wanted him to kiss him. Eddie was straight to his knowledge.

“A-are you sure?” Buck asks as he notices the tent in Eddies underwear. Its pretty easy to see since hes not wearing any pants.

“Yes.”

Eddie asking Buck to kiss him sobered him up but as soon as Buck leaned down and placed his lips on Eddies he was drunk again.

Eddies lips were warm and soft against his.

Eddie adjusted himself on the couch so Buck was above him between his legs.

Bucks tongue worked its way ino Eddies mouth as Eddies fingers slipped under his shirt.

The two were shirtless chest to chest as they made out.

“Is this what joy feels like?” Eddie asks

“Yes.” Buck quickly answered.

As Buck laid on Eddies bare chest listening to his heart beat all these thought were rushing through his mind.

His boyfriend just broke up with him, he came to his best friend’s house to drink a beer and to not be a lone only to have ended up making out with his best friend.

That was a very Buck 1.0 move.

He just made out with his best friend who hasnt came out to himself.

What if it was all the beer?

What if this isnt what Eddie really wants?

Buck cant go back like nothing happened.

———-

A/n: I’ll probably write another story once we know what happens next episode.

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sweetcici11 · 4 months ago

Text

smoke signals

the future’s unwritten, the past is a corridor

i’m at the exit, looking back through the hall

you are anonymous, i am a concrete wall

part 2

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

ellie williams x abby anderson

small trigger warnings- talks of slightly disordered eating (i think that’s it- let me know if i missed any)

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

ellie was disoriented when she woke up. she hadn’t properly been in a hospital bed since she was fourteen, so the bright lights and feeling of paper took her a bit by surprise. all she could think about was how uncomfortable she was and how bad she wanted to see joel. where was he? why wasn’t he helping her? she weakly called for him, the taste of his name bitter on her tongue.

her body ached and she couldn’t understand why she couldn’t move. what was wrong with her? was she dying? she started to panic, the unfamiliar room, the inability to move and not knowing where joel is was making her heart race.

however, hands held her down which only made her fight harder. she yelled and thrashed around, trying to escape the hands that restrained her movement. however, this only caused her further pain. her stomach burned and her arms were sore. but this didn’t stop her, if anything it made her fight harder. she looked around the room desperately, for anything that could help her fight back, but all she saw was joel sitting in a chair in the corner, watching her. she opened her mouth to cry his name, but she was interrupted by a prick in her neck, and darkness swallowed her whole.

⭒

the week that abby spent in the small hospital was tiring for more reasons than one. thankfully, her injuries weren’t as severe as abby thought they were. the only ones that still really felt awful was the sunburn and stab wounds in her chest and shoulder. the rest were healing just fine.

“how’s lev?” she asked jasmine, the young nurse that was taking care of them, the moment she stepped into the girl’s room. the young woman smiled gently at her.

“he’s healing nicely,” she told abby, looking down at her clipboard. “he’s keeping down food now. he’s going to be okay. both of you will.”

abby nodded and took a small breath of relief. she hadn’t been able to see lev at all yet, but she was kept in the know about everything. there was a question at the tip of her tongue, but she didn’t know what she was allowed to ask.

abby’s feelings always seemed to be complicated now. she never really knew how to place her thoughts with her feelings which was a new experience for her. she always found that stuff came naturally for her, and she felt uneasy at the sudden change. she took another deep breath.

“is-… how is she?” abby asked the nurse, picking at her already bitten fingernails.

jasmine hesitated, seemingly trying to find the right words.

“she’s… she’s having a rough time,” the nurse explained softly, placing her clipboard on the desk. she sighed. “her healing process has been ugly. she wont eat or drink anything.”

abby can feel her stomach drop. she should’ve known. why did she even bring her with her? a waste of energy.

“her wound was severely infected when you got her here; it’s a miracle she’s even alive,” jasmine continued.

abby scoffed. a miracle was an understatement. ellie shouldn’t still be alive, and everyone knew it. tess knew it when she saw the bite that shoulve killed her. joel knew it when he stole her back from the hospital. cat knew it when ellie came back from every dangerous patrol that should’ve finished her off. tommy knew it when ellie got back from that godforsaken cabin with only a split lip and a concussion. dina knew it when ellie never let a single clicker or gun take her down dispite being severely outnumbered every single time. nora knew it when she saw ellie breathe spores that could take any man down. and abby learnt it too many times when ellie just refused to die.

it didn’t make any logical sense to how ellie has survived everything. abby didn’t know, but it had to be some god or something keeping her here. wether it be fate or anything, but abby was smart enough to know it wasn’t chance. and it couldn’t be purely skill. ellie was far too reckless and impulsive for that.

abby took a shaky breath and tried to keep calm. she dug her nails into her palm three times before looking back up at the dark skinned nurse.

“but she’s going to survive?” abby asked, trying to keep all hope out of her voice and out of her mind.

“we think so,” jasmine replied with a nod. she offered abby a soft smile. “she’s fought this long. it wouldn’t make sense for her to give up now.”

abby sighed and slouched back into the matress, resting her head on the wall behind her.

“yeah,” she mumbled, counting the stains on the ceiling. “it wouldn’t.”

⭒

ellie was tired all the time too, but for different reasons. she couldn’t find the strength in her to do anything. not to eat, not to sit up, not to speak. not to cry. she spent everyday lying in that uncomfortable hospital bed in the room that was too bright, fighting a nauseating headache after nauseating headache. talking hurt, and so she simply decided she wouldn’t. it didn’t matter much, she had grown to feel disgusted by the sound it her voice.

she heard the door open, but she didn’t even glance over at it. she just lied on her side and stared at the wall in front of her.

jasmine sighed, lightly tapping on the slim girl’s shoulder. “you can’t rest on your side. you know this.”

ellie didn’t reply nor did she move. her nurse sighed again, her patience running thin. “come on, you know the drill. sit up. we need to change your bandages.”

ellie just stared at the wall in front of her, hoping she would just go away and leave her alone.

“come on,” jasmine said more forcefully. “sit up. do you want to die of infection? because that’s what’s gonna happen if you don’t let me change your goddamn bandages. it’ll take me five minutes.”

but ellie has always been stubborn, and that’s something about her that won’t ever change. so she doesn’t say a single thing as she closes her eyes, not daring to speak.

she hears jasmine sighing as she sits down on a squeaky chair. the young nurse stays silent, which while ellie is thankful for, still rubs her the wrong way.

“your friend’s been asking about you,” she tells ellie, her voice softer than before. ellie’s back is to jasmine, so she can’t see the way her eyebrows furrow. “she’s worried. she doesn’t say it, but i can see it in her eyes.”

ellie almost laughs out loud. abby’s not worried about her. that’s fucking ridiculous. abby hates

her all the same that ellie hates her.

“and the boy is okay,” jasmine confirms. ellie can feel the pit in her stomach grow. shame. “he’s keeping food down very nicely. i think he’ll be able to visit soon, if you would like.”

ellie wonders for a moment what would happen if the young boy tried talking to her. as far as she was concerned, he didn’t know much about her, other than the fact she wanted abby dead. he was the archer that shot dina. but also the savoir that saved them all. but did he know that ellie didnt hesitate to threaten his young life? that she had put a blade to his throat?

she shivered at the thought.

“you dont have anything to worry about,” jasmine said. “abby’s healing very nicely too. you three must’ve been through so much together. i think it’s truly amazing that abby pushed so hard to save you all. she must care about you and the boy so, so much.”

this time, ellie scoffs. she cared about lev, not her. she still doesn’t understand why abby didn’t leave her to bleed out. was it a peace offering? was it abby trying to save her own mind?

whatever it was, ellie resented her for it.

⭒

a soft knock sounded through abby’s room, waking her up from a light sleep.

“yeah, come in,” she calls, sitting up, ready to see the kind face of jasmine again, but when the door opens, she’s met with a familiar face. “lev!”

he comes hurrying towards her, and she wraps her arms around him tightly.

“thank god you’re okay,” she breathes out, pulling away to check for any injuries. “what hurts?”

lev let out a small laugh, a sound abby hadn’t heard for months. she could cry right now.

“im okay,” he assures her, meeting her light eyes. and he looks like it too. there’s colour in his face again and he’s all cleaned up.

“i should be out soon,” abby tells him, scanning his face. “just gotta get my energy up a bit. but, on the bright side, there’s a house waiting for us.”

lev’s eyes brighten.

“a house?!” he exclaims, making abby smile. she nods.

“a house,” she repeats.

abby had never realized how much older lev looks now. it’s been over a year since they met, but she never really took it in. his hair was longer now, shaggier. no doubt he’d want it cut again soon. he’s taller. his face has changed too- his eyes hold more knowledge.

“how is-.. she doing?” lev asks, his voice careful. abby pauses, thinking hard about her answer.

“shes alive,” she tells the young boy. “i dont think she’s holding up as well as us.”

lev nods. he’d always been so full of empathy, abby wondered how it could fit inside of him.

“will she be okay?” he asks, a twinge of hope laced in his words. abby frowns, unsure of the answer.

“i dont know, bud,” she admits softly. “it’s hard to say.”

⭒

“maybe you should talk to her?” jasmine suggests to abby a week later. ellie’s good as dead at this point. she’s living off an iv, and they’re running out.

abby sighs and shakes her head, taking a bite of her eggs. the cafeteria is quiet, not many people eating so early in the morning. abby was hoping to work out now that she was allowed.

“it’s complicated,” abby says slowly, looking up at the girl. she had her dark hair up in a messy ponytail. she looks too much like nora. abby has to look down. at least her voice is different.

“i had assumed you two were friends when you came in, but now i’m not so sure,” jasmine observes. her voice is careful, as if worried she’ll set off an invisible mine.

abby looks down at her plate, now empty. she wonders briefly about lev; how ellie out a knife to his neck despite knowing he was innocent. abby wouldn’t forgive her for that. she chuckles dryly.

“definitely not friends,” abby says simply, shaking her head. “dont even know her name.” she stands up clear her plate; and jasmine follows. abby can hear jasmine sigh.

there’s a part of her that’s angry. she saved ellie’s life, and the girl just doesn’t care? she’s throwing away her life? but what is she even supposed to say to her? “please dont kill yourself”?

“she’ll be dead by the end of the week if this continues,” jasmine breathes out, furrowing her eyebrows.

abby sighs, shaking her head. it was natural that knowing what ellie held, her immunity, to wonder if the fireflies could do anything with it. if ellie was dead, the chance wasn’t even there.

“i’ll… i’ll try talking to her,” abby says, silently kicking herself. she doesn’t look at jasmine as the girl smiles at her, nodding.

the walk to ellie’s room felt like it took forever, but maybe that was just god’s way of telling abby it was about damn time. abby rolls her eyes at the thought.

abby’s father had been religious. nothing super serious, but he prayed from time to time and had a copy of the bible. abby believed for a decent while when he was alive, but the faith burned out over time. guilt ate her alive for years; her father had been passionate, and abby just threw it away. she felt sick every time she saw a bible.

but her mind just couldn’t fathom a higher power. and if there was one, she certainly didn’t want to worship it, for how could they let the world fall to pieces like this? she knew lev struggled a lot with his faith, and while she wanted to help, she didn’t know how. the guilt already ate her alive every day, how was she supposed to help a child cope too?

as she approached ellie’s room, she felt her heart fall to her stomach. she gently knocked on the door, half hoping ellie to yell at her to go away. when she didn’t, abby pushed the door open.

ellie was… sitting up? her feet dangled off the bed, and her shoulders were hunched. she looked over towards the door through her greasy auburn hair.

she immediately went into fight or flight, and scrambled to the far side of the bed.

abby’s eyes widened; and she quickly put her arms out in front of her to show her that she meant no harm.

“easy…” abby said slowly, not moving towards her. ellie watched her with wide, wild eyes. she looked around the room for some sort of weapon, but she couldn’t find one.

she reminds abby of the zebra, the day her father died. it’s a bittersweet memory, but she can’t ignore the similarities between the two. how scared they both are, despite abby trying to help, and they way they only make it worse for themselves.

ellie calms after a moment, but her eyes are still wild, and she’s as far from abby as she can be. abby decides to stay where she is.

“i just want to talk,” abby says, her voice careful. she doesn’t want to set ellie off again.

ellie only watches her.

“i-… still don’t know your name,” abby starts off, trying to start light. ellie furrows her eyebrows. the last thing she wants is for abby to know her name. her name is hers. the one thing that will always be.

“veronica,” she mumbles, her voice raspy from the lack of use. abby wonders for a moment if she’s being truthful. she doesn’t look like a veronica. she brushes it off. it’s just a name.

they both take each other in. ellie takes a million notes on abby’s form; how she could use her strength against her. she’s still thinner than ellie ever knew her to be, which rubbed her the wrong way. it felt weird. her hair was still short, her braid long gone. it looked darker, not quite as blonde as it once was. despite being much thinner, there’s still a good amount of muscles on her arms. it sets warning bells off in ellie’s head.

ellie, however, looks weak and helpless. abby’s used to see her small, but never weak. never helpless. she’s thin. very, very thin. her eyes have dark circles under them, a big contrast between that and the light of her eyes.

ellie looks away, hating abby’s eyes and the way they burn into her, like the sun far too close.

“why are you being so difficult?” abby asks ellie, and while the question sounds mean, abby keeps her voice soft. “the people here are trying to help, veronica. you need it.”

“dont do that,” ellie says, shivering and shaking her head. “dont even pretend to care. it’s fucking disgusting. you’re disgusting. i dont want to talk to you. ever. leave.”

abby frowns, not leaving.

“come on,” abby says softly. “none of this is logical. do you have a death wish?”

ellie doesn’t answer, refusing to look in the other girl’s direction. abby sighs, understanding she’s taken the wrong approach.

“how can we make this easier for you?” abby tries. it doesn’t work; the smaller girl stays silent. abby frowns, losing her temper. “fine. you wanna play this? i dont give a single shit about you.”

ellie tenses, and abby smiles at the reaction.

“i dont care if you live or die, you get that?” abby seethes. now that she’s started, she can’t stop. “i dont know why youre so fucking obsessed with me, but i dont really care. what i do care about, is your immunity. you get that? you get what you are? i dont care at all if you want to die. in fact, normally i’d hand you the knife. but unfortunately for the both of us, your life means something, and you’re screwing us all over by killing yourself.”

ellie frowns, snapping her head in abby’s direction. she needs this, to be yelled at by her. it feels natural, almost. comfortable despite wanting to run away.

“you told them about me?” ellie demands, hushing her voice. however, this takes her by surprise. ellie panics; people aren’t supposed to know about this. if it gets to the wrong people, shit could go down. joel warned her about this stuff; people won’t want to just kill her, they’ll want to experiment. “are you serious? oh my god, what the fuck is wrong with you?! that’s not your fucking secret to tell! holy shit-“

“i didn’t tell them shit,” abby snaps at the smaller girl. ellie takes a breath, trying to calm her racing heart. “im not gonna tell them, not yet. but know that if you don’t, i will. maybe it’ll push them to try harder with you. i swear to god, veronica if you dont start taking care of yourself, im gonna shove food down your throat myself. unlike you, i care about the future of this world. just because your a selfish, narcissistic bitch doesn’t mean you can doom us all. you got that?”

“fuck you,” ellie says, looking away, pulling her knees to her chest. “i didnt ask for you to save me.”

abby rolls her eyes. “too fuckin’ late for that now, huh?”

“you should’ve left me to bleed out.”

“wish i couldve,” abby says, fighting the urge to roll her eyes again. god this girl is insufferable. she takes a deep breath to calm herself. “look, i’m not trying to be an ass here. but you need to realize the world is bigger than just you. do you understand that?”

ellie stays silent, frowning and hugging her knees harder.

“fucking answer me.”

“yes,” ellie forced herself to say. god, she hates the sound of her own voice. “i-.. fuck. i get that. i’m not fucking stupid.”

abby laughs out loud, shaking her head. “yeah right.”

ellie doesn’t reply.

“you need to start eating and shit,” abby says sternly.

ellie hates the power trip here. how abby thinks she’s in charge. it makes ellie feel sick. she feels like she’s being held captive. she doesn’t want to be here. she doesn’t want to be anywhere- she needs to leave. she can’t stay here, she can’t-

“hey,” abby says, snapping her out of her thoughts. “you dont have to like it. i dont fucking care if you want to live or not. but you need to try, got it? just eat a bit at a time. don’t put up a fight every time they try and help you. let them help. you’ll start to feel better eventually.”

ellie scoffs. no she won’t.

“you understand me?” abby says, raising an eyebrow at her. “if i hear you aren’t eating and that you’re on your death bed, i’ll shove food down your throat myself. i don’t fucking care.”

ellie bites down on her bottom lip, hard. she hates this. she feels like a child being scolded. still, she hates abby and doesn’t want to be in her presence any longer. she forces a nod.

“good,” abby says with a nod. “jasmine is going to get you something to eat. do you need anything else?”

ellie forced herself to stay quiet as she thinks, trying not to snark back with a response. she doesn’t want abby to get violent, not when she knows she too weak to fight. abby’s already snappy. she doesn’t want to further that. not right now.

“a… sweater,” ellie mumbles. she can’t fight how cold she is anymore.

abby can feel her face soften a bit, so she turns around so ellie cant see.

“i’ll see what i can do,” abby says before stepping out of the room, not looking back at the small, broken girl.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

hey guys!

updates are gonna keep being slow. i love writing, and i dont want to rush this!

please ignore typos 😞

<33

#abby anderson #the last of us #tlou #tlou2 #ellie williams #ellabs #the last of us hbo #the last of us 2 #ellie x abby #ellie tlou #abby tlou #lev tlou

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j0elmill3r · 2 years ago

Text

That Girl Is a Monster

Pairing - None really, there's some Tommy Miller x Niece!Reader at the end

CW - Violence, Murder, it's implied heavily that the reader could be mentally ill, gore (please let me know if i missed any!)

Summary - Baby girl gets her promised revenge on behalf of her father, and god does she make it bloody.

Word Count - 1.4k

A/N - This is a pretty dark one, baby girl is simply ✨unhinged✨ in this. As always, feedback, likes, and reblogs are always appreciated!

Joel Miller Masterlist

Your newfound obsession with getting revenge for your father's death was at this point concerning. You were hellbent on it, and would kill anyone who stood in the way of your long-term goal - Your uncle, Tommy, had noticed your recent bout of mood instability, and he knew it wasn't just grieving, as you had made it out to be. You never believed yourself to be a violent person. You had seen the animalistic and almost feral way your father could be when he wanted to be, you never thought you could ever feel as much anger as he did to make him act that way.

That was, until, you stumbled across the woman who had murdered your father in cold blood.

You limped your way through the facility, injured in your fight against who remained of the Washington Liberation Front - Consisting of those who you hadn't crossed paths with in your bloody quest for revenge; Even if it meant the deaths of Abby's ex-boyfriend Owen and his heavily pregnant girlfriend Mel and their unborn baby. You couldn't take any prisoners, what kind of example would you be setting if you did? You had everything taken from you - Your family, your childhood, your chance of a normal, happy life - What had you done in a past life to deserve this? To lose everything you'd ever known, only to be left with your uncle Tommy. You staggered up the metal stairs up to a platform, in which its beyond was the location of the very woman you had been hunting - As if she were your prey.

You had never experienced such anger as you did the moment you met eyes with Abby Anderson, if you didn't know any better, you would have sworn you saw a slither of remorse in the girl's eyes. She did, however, almost seem terrified by your heaving chest, an almost animalistic look of fury on your face. She picked up the knife which sat on the table beside her, arming herself as you charged towards her with a yell.

"I told you! I told you I'll fucking kill you!" You cried, tackling the girl to the floor with a thud, your chest continuing its heaving motion as you straddled the girl. Abby swiped her knife at you, and you cried out in pain as she cut along your arm, pushing you off of her as you yelped in pain. She groaned as she pushed herself up onto her feet, stalking over to you as you too got up onto your feet. "You're fucking dead, Anderson." You threatened her.

"Oh yeah?" She humoured you, chuckling as she shook her head at you. "You know what? You look like your dad, but I'm sure you'll look even more like him with a fucking crack in your skull." Abby charged at you, bending you backwards over the table behind you, her knife held at your face, stopped only by your struggling hands, holding the knife away from your face. You whimpered as you struggled, face to face with the girl who had so brutally killed your father. As Abby pressed further onto you, you grunted out as you pushed her away from you and onto the floor once more. Coughing from being winded as a result of being forcefully backed into the table, you held your wounded side, taking a running kick at Abby as she lay on the floor.

She cried out as your heavy boots collided with her face, once, and then twice - As you went in for the third kick, she shoved her knife into your calf, dragging it down as you screamed out in pain. You fell to the ground beside her, face to face once more. This was when you knew only one of you were getting out of this fight, and you would be damned if it wasn't you - You refused to have come all this way to avenge your father and lose.

"Why?" You asked her. You didn't know what had driven you to ask the question, but you wanted to know. Why did she take your dad away from you.

"Because. He killed my dad," Abby told you. Further anger boiled within you, fuelling your desire to inflict pain on the girl who lay beside you. Forgetting about your injuries and fuelled by pure adrenaline, you kicked Abby's knife away from her, stomping on her hand below you. Your chest continued to heave with your heavy breaths, your face void of emotion as you considered the most efficient way to hurt Abby - Your inner self knew that this wasn't you, that there was something dangerously wrong with you for wanting to inflict so much pain on one person; You knew that if little you saw what you were doing, she would be terrified, you now the kind of person that you needed your dad to protect you from.

But now your dad was no longer here, you realised that this, this is what you had to do to survive.

You staggered over to where you had kicked Abby's knife, picking it up and inspecting it carefully as you held the weapon in your hands. You stopped in your tracks as you looked down to realise Abby was no longer where she had been laying, but she left you no time to consider her whereabouts before jumping onto your back. You cried out as she held a wire to your throat, pulling on it tightly to cut off your airways. You struggled as you clawed at your neck to try and release the wire, but it done no good and you continued to struggle and gasp for air until you remembered the knife in your hand, quickly stabbing it into Abby's thigh and running backwards into a wall as she let go of the wire which she had held against your neck tightly. She fell to the floor with a grunt, and you turned quickly, kicking her in the face once again.

"I warned you, even before you killed my dad, that I would kill you," You knelt down beside Abby, who grabbed at her bleeding thigh. "And you still didn't listen, even with a pre-warning." You gave her no time to react before you stabbed her in the chest with her own knife, listening as she groaned and then gasped, you took the knife out. Stabbed her.

Take the knife out.

Stab.

Knife out.

Stab.

Knife. Out.

Stab.

It became a steady pattern, even as Abby bled out, already dead. You repeatedly stabbed the girl, taking out all of your pent up anger and sadness on her, her blood coating your hands and clothes. You didn't notice your uncle enter the room, him stopping as he took in the sight in front of him - You were covered in blood, both laughing and crying hysterically.

"Y/N," He couldn't lie, he was terrified of you and what you could do to him as he watched you continually stab the body under you. "Y/N!" He pulled you off of Abby's lifeless body, grabbing the offending weapon from your tight grasp and throwing it across the room away from you.

"I told her! I fucking told her Tommy!" You screamed, struggling in your uncle’s tight hold. "I warned her! Now she knows! I killed her and I showed her!" You were hysterical as you yelled, leaving Tommy with the only option of knocking you out so he could get you out of the building and somewhere safe where he could tend to your injuries. He couldn't help but think about how Joel would react to how you had acted - Violent and almost animalistic in your attacks towards the girl who had taken him from you.

He also thought of the promise he'd made with Joel - If anything happened to him, Tommy would look after you, no matter how old you were, you would always need someone. And Tommy intended to keep his promise to his brother.

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#joel miller x daughter!reader #joel miller hbo #joel miller x reader #joel miller #joel the last of us #joel tlou #tommy miller #tommy miller x niece!reader #hbo the last of us #the last of us #the last of us fanfiction #angst #x daughter #x daughter reader #x daughter!reader

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harlswrites · 6 months ago

Text

Vengeance

Pairing: Joel Miller X GN!Reader

Summary: Tommy comes to you and Joel's house to tell you that Joel is dead after being tortured by Abby, you come to the realization you want vengeance.

Warnings: Angst, death, talk about killing people.

A/N: I felt like writing about Joel's death and how that could impact the reader because I don't see too many fics about it. I might write more about it and expand since this is pretty short. Good luck!

You stood at your doorway as a bruised Tommy spoke to you, the words fell on deaf ears as you processed everything that was happening. The man you love is dead. It all felt like a sick sick joke but you knew Tommy wouldn't do something like that, your world felt like it was collapsing and there was nothing you could do about it. Joel was dead.

“Ok.” Is the only thing you could manage to say, your heart on the other hand wanted you to scream and yell but that wouldn't bring Joel back. You knew Joel had a bad past, he opened up to you about those things when it was just the two of you but you never thought someone would go out of the way to kill him.

An unfamiliar feeling started to heat up inside of you and make its way through every inch of you, Vengeance, you've never felt this before but you knew you couldn't just let the people who killed the love of your life get away with this horrid act.

You were going to kill every last one of them.

#joel miller #joel miller x reader #the last of us #tlou #angst #angst with no comfort

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sugdenlovesdingle · 1 month ago

Note

I'm feeling very zen this morning about bucktommy.

Maybe it's because it's been over a week since the shoddy ending to 8x06 and it feels less raw.

Maybe it's because even if Tommy never comes back at least 8x07 gave more proof/weight (can't find the right word) about how much the relationship meant to Buck by showing how much he's struggling, something he never got with any other LI except Abby.

Maybe it's because knowing how much balderdash the interviews are with dropped plots and things that never happen mean I have no more anxiety about them.

Maybe it's because from Ryan saying that Tim changes things last minute, and Tim gaslighting fans about creating plots he himself hinted at (madney/henren tension wtf?) means again ignoring what he says in interviews and that the door is wide open for a Tommy return.

Maybe it's because angst with a happy ending it's my favourite trope and the fic I've read this week has been so so achingly good it'll keep me fed throughout winter like a squirrel hoarding nuts.

Maybe it's just because it's sunny where I am today and it's put me in a good mood.

Also, I love your blog as a bucktommy (and tarlos) fan and also an old robron fan who hasn't watched since robert left but I can still get updates here 😄.

Anyway, I'm sorry for waffling in your inbox, I hope you have a great day!

Feel free to always come waffle in my inbox anon! i didn't think there was anyone out there with the same weird mix of hyper fixations as me! bucktommy x tarlos x robron ftw! 😂

But yeah I think the door is definitely open for Tommy to return in 8B. But knowing the show won't be back until March 6th after next week, I doubt Tim will even finish the scripts before March 1st!

The episode shows Buck being sad and miserable (and LONELY!! how much time were he and Tommy spending together these past 6 months??) and wanting to reach out, Tommy wanting to contact him too, Tommy constantly being on Buck's mind and if you just take everything you see at face value, that tells you those two aren't done with each other. And then tim comes and babbles in interviews almost saying the exact opposite of what's happening on screen.

Also - I only got into the fandom after the first bucktommy kiss but it seems like these post ep interviews are becoming more frequent? I don't remember seeing Tim quotes on my dash after EVERY ep - only for the big ones like season premier/season finale.

I read that it's the journalists (and I use that term loosely) that ask for these interviews and not necessarily the show sending Tim (or Oliver or Ryan or Lou or anyone) to do them and I'm just like... what is the point? Why do we need the 'boss' to run us through every episode and tell us what to think or feel? I mean the pit of despair we all plunged into after last week's ep was mostly because of the interviews. And even then, when you pull just the quotes from them (like someone has done - i forget who) it makes it so much easier to see what exactly Lou especially was saying.

Maybe we should just decide to ignore these post ep interviews as a fandom, enjoy our fics and gifs and meta - and apparently a newfound love for mpreg (lol i don't know where this came from but you do you, guys!) this winter, and see where it's at in March.

(also, please send me some of that sunshine! it's foggy and miserable and cold here!)

#Anonymous #bucktommy

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elliespassagerprincess · 1 year ago

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Idk if ur taking requests anymore, but I rly love ur stories! Could you do an Ellie x reader story based on the song together by beabadoobee? THANK UUU!!

Together (ellie williams x reader)

hi anon! thank you sm for the request, and for the compliment, i started giggling... i hope you enjoy this pookie <3

This story is based off the song Together by Beabadoobee, if you can please listen to the song as you're reading:)

youtube

Pairing: ellie x fem!reader

Requests are always open feel free to leave one! You can send me a song and I'll take it from there!

Warnings: toxic relationships, death, suicide and self harm and a little blasphemy

Summary: Your relationship was toxic, you both knew this... but yet both of you couldn't stay away from each other

wc: 1.7k

(If you want to be added to my tag list, just leave a comment so i can tag you in future work!)

Crash the car again

The same mistakes again

Don't wanna hurt you like I did

Screaming, crying, dishonesty. These were some of the words you used to describe you and Ellie’s relationship. It was unhealthy. It was toxic. Religious people would always quote that one bible verse where it says a dog would vomit and then it would go back to eat its vomit. The same way sinners would go back to sin. The same way you would go back to Ellie.

You and Ellie’s relationship hadn’t always been toxic, there were happy times too. The times she would come over and the two of you would watch a movie together, that one time Ellie snuck you out of Jackson to show you a dinosaur museum. You were happy. Very happy.

Until Joel died.

When Joel died Ellie changed. She became cold, distant.

But you understood why. She was grieving.

And you truly did assume that eventually she’ll go back to normal. But then her obsession with finding Abby started. She left Jackson. You were broken.

Life without Ellie felt like a life without sunlight. There was no light. No joy. It was cold. You remembered the countless nights of you crying yourself to sleep. The nights you would reach over and touch the side of the bed Ellie lay on. It was always cold. The cold side of the bed was a painful reminder that she chose revenge over you.

But Ellie came back to Jackson.

You were happier than ever. Because you waited for Ellie. You put your life on hold for her, because you couldn’t imagine a life without her.

Ellie changed. She became more aggressive. One second she would be ok the next moment she’d explode with anger. Hurtful words leaving her mouth. And that was when you decided to breakup with her, for the first time.

The breakup lasted 2 weeks. And you went back to her again. The arguments and lies got worse, and you left. For a second time. But not long after you came back. You would always come back.

That’s probably why you were standing outside Ellie’s house. The two of you had an argument 3 weeks ago. Ellie had lied to you about where she slept the previous night saying “don’t worry baby I’m going to Maria and Tommy” but you soon found out she went to her ex-girlfriend’s house.

She lied. You were hurt. You felt Betrayed. And you broke up with her again.

But you came back. You had to talk to Ellie.

But for the first time ever, you weren’t here to take Ellie back, you weren’t here to listen to her bullshit promises, you were here to say goodbye. You were her to end it all, so that you could be free from Ellie’s harsh words. You were doing this for yourself. And for the sake of your mental health.

You shakily reached for the door, your left had curling into a fist, you felt the wood on your knuckles as you lightly knocked.

The door flew open, revealing Ellie in all her glory. Her autumn brown hair is longer, reaching past her shoulders, dark circles covered the bottom of her beautiful eyes.

“Baby?” she asked softly eyes wide.

'Cause I'm not waiting for you

But I don't want to hurt you

Ellie knew Joel’s death affected her in more ways than one. She knew her mental health suffered because of his death. Out of everyone she hurt and killed the last person she wanted to cause any harm to was you. But it was as if she couldn’t stop herself from hurting you.

She couldn’t kill Abby because she knew it wouldn’t bring Joel back. She was filled with anger. Pain. Hatred and she didn’t know how to get it out. And there you were. Her soft and sweet girl, that waited for her.

In a way Ellie was jealous of you. How innocent you were. All the people she killed, everything she did to try and get Joel some justice, just made her dirty. And there you were. Ellie sometimes wondered why you wouldn’t just leave her. All she did was hurt you.

She wanted to make you feel what she felt all these months as she went after Abby. But yet you stayed. And that’s why she was so surprised to see you standing in front of her house with a small smile on your face.

“Hi els” you spoke softly; your eyes briefly fell to the floor as if you were preparing to tell her something. Something big. Something Important.

After a few seconds your eyes met again, and you spoke once more; “we need to talk”

All alone again

It hurts my heart again

I think my blood is running thin

I'm away again

It hurts my head again

Don't wanna be away from your skin

As toxic as your relationship was, you both couldn’t stay away from each other. The countless times you and Ellie broke up, the two of you would sneak out to meet each other. Just to be in each other’s presence.

Neither you or Ellie would never admit it: but you can’t live without each other. The two of you had built such a bond that you were both so incredibly dependent on the other for comfort. All the nights Ellie cried when you left her, all the days Ellie would plead and beg you to come back because she would change and she would be a better person. She really tried. But she couldn’t. Her past was haunting her. It traumatized her. Broke her beyond repair. When she looks at you the only thing she could imagine was all the people she had to kill. But at the same time she felt comforted by your smile.

Ellie was planning on changing but she doesn’t know how.

How does one go back to the way they were before they watched their father figure get brutally murdered?

But you had other plans. There isn’t going to be a next time. You weren’t going to let Ellie say another word that will put you into another depressive episode. You had to end it all.

You sat across her, and Ellie felt like her heart was being ripped into a million pieces. It felt like her heart was shattered, and you were watching her bleed pout.

She had been shot, stabbed, but the pain of the words you muttered, hurts even more.

“Earth to Ellie” you said because she went silent. She zoned out thinking of all the ways she could try to get back together with you.

��“No” Ellie spoke “you can’t do this”

“I can” you said softly the room fell silent, the tension rising.

“Ellie” you spoke again “we can never be together again” you started “you hurt me too much” and Ellie felt shame wash over her.

“I’m sorry” she said with a pleading look in her eyes “I’ll change” and Ellie watched you shake your head.

“You never fucking changed, what makes me think you’ll do it now?” you spoke harshly.

You got up and started walking towards the door. Ellie felt the tears running down her cheeks. She watched your figure walk towards the door. You didn’t even look back at her.

“Goodbye Ellie”

Hurt myself again

I thought you'd notice it

Don't wanna fix it like you did

Your body was found on a Saturday morning. You were hanging from the roof. You had hung yourself. You didn’t leave a note. No one knows why you killed yourself. Your secrets died with you, the reason and the problems you faced, went to the grave with you. And this puzzled Ellie.

Why didn’t you tell her?

Yes, your relationship was bad, but you could’ve told her. She would’ve helped you. She would’ve hurt those who harmed you.

Two days after your body was found your words ran in Ellie’s mind.

You keep hurting me….

It was her. Ellie was the problem. Ellie was the reason you felt so depressed that you ended your life.

It was all her fault

She felt bad, guilty. She murdered you. She had your blood on her hands. Ellie didn’t deserve to be alive. The day of your funeral she watched as your body was lowered into the ground, Ellie’s loud sobs echoing across all of Jackson. Ellie wished that was her. She wished she was the one being buried because you didn’t deserve that. Ellie start hurting herself. She’d watch her blood drip onto her bed as she cut herself. She wishes she could give some of her blood to you. She wishes she could give life back to you. Her blood in exchange for your life. The way Jesus died on the cross to give us eternal life the same way she wanted to die. For you. To give you the life you deserved.

I think I'm okay by myself, I'm doing great

But we'd be better together, better together

Together though, together though, together again

Ellie thought your death would be good for her. Maybe if you weren’t there she’d be ok. But your death made everything worse for Ellie. She thought she could live in a world without you. She realized she couldn’t and as Ellie took her final breath as she lay on her bed bleeding out, she hoped that she would be reunited with you in the afterlife, that the two of you would finally be together.

They say death separates people. Death rips families and relationships apart. And that’s what Joel’s death did to you and Ellie’s relationship. His death ruined the only good thing both of you had left. But now that both you and Ellie have passed away, she hoped that her death might bring you back together. For your souls to be intertwined.

Ellie hoped that if God was real that he would take pity on her and forgive her sins. That He let the two of you be together in the afterlife. That death would bring you closer. And that you’d be together forever.

Authors note: Sorry for going MIA again, life has been kinda messy rn, but I promise I’ll try and get more stories out soon, to all the requests in my inbox, I swear I’ll write your stories soon. Remember you are loved and my requests are always open!!

Yours truly

Zia <3

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