#part of me wants to
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I love being nonbinary
I love being a boydyke
I love being transmasc
#I feel so much more free in my identity this year#it’s an incredibly liberating feeling#I’ve been thinking about whether I want to start low dose t#and experiment with that#part of me wants to#part of me is scared#and part of me thinks it’s not the right time#I just don’t know#✨h rambles ✨
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Hello! I want to know more about Iris' post game with Shadowheart and Halsin! Do they settle? Do they travel together?
Bit of both!
I... am still picking my way through the end of the game so that I finish this fic I'm writing instead of leaving it in the WIP drawer forever and ever, BUT.
Iris did not, despite being easily able to do it, try to talk Shadowheart into saving her parents. When you have the ability to talk anyone into pretty much anything (and have used that ability to kill several people), you do start keeping your mouth shut around people you like making difficult decisions. So in the aftermath, the two of them go adventuring and exploring and, when they get tired, they go to Reithwin.
Rebuilding is going to take a lot of time and a lot of effort. Sure, there are buildings still mostly there, and with a real community effort, 6 months could do a lot, especially with magic (there's a druid spell called Move Earth that could be very helpful for digging foundations). So Halsin mostly stays, although they would tempt him away for shorter excursions. And, I imagine, they occasionally bring people in need of safe places to the town.
Between adventures, they rest. Resting does include Shadowheart helping the healers (...turning the House of Healing into something OTHER than a horror show full of Sharran iconography would be rough, but it does have a good base to be functional again) and Iris stepping in mostly to help with whatever school is set up.
Maybe they stay for a week, at first. Iris brings out her violin at the Last Light and gets people dancing. Shadowheart takes them both down to the beach for a swim. Iris and Halsin find out Shadowheart has no memory of ever trying to roll down a hill, which has to be addressed. They set off on another adventure. They come back. They stay a little longer. Iris starts collecting beginner music books. Shadowheart finds a wolf pup. Halsin sets a small house aside for them. Winter arrives, and they settle in by the fire. They retrieve Halsin from the room at the Last Light where he set up and find out they're going to need to build a bigger bed. Iris smacks herself in the thumb with a hammer, which is mostly just annoying since she has two healers in the room with her.
And, eventually, they stop leaving. Not entirely— they still go out looking for people who need to find somewhere to land, and Iris goes to get more books or more music, or they go visit their friends. Someone sets eyes on Waterdeep, and they have to blast them out of the sky. But the house gets a garden and chickens and cats and a cow, and Iris starts teaching music lessons (much to everyone else's horror. Early days of violin. Small children with drums.) and people stop teasing Halsin about when he's going to build a house for himself.
I also like to think that Shadowheart picks up maybe two levels of druid at some point. She'd share Circle of the Moon with Halsin, and yes she would be able to turn into a wolf, but mostly she rides around on people's shoulders as a little white cat. Occasionally, Iris will use the charge from the Corvid Amulet to join them. It becomes a fairly common experience to watch a bear trundle by with a cat on his back and a raven perched between his ears.
#come and chat#Iris#Shadowheart#Halsin#Shadowheart x Tav#halsin x tav#Shadowheart x Tav x Halsin#this would be.... so long if i tried to write it as a fic#part of me wants to#i'd never finish it#also thank yoooooou#to be clear this is a Different fic than the fic i'm actually writing
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Hm. The urge to show a photo of my cosplay Vs the terrifying ordeal of posting photos of myself (even with my head chopped off) on the internet.
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My younger sister has been obsessed with this franchise lately, so I just need my thoughts out there...
Is Descendants just like... the ultimate Disney fanfic, that's also by Disney?
Shit, maybe I should make a fanfic about the offspring of all my crossover ships, too
Maybe that can be a thing everyone does
Maybe we'll call them Descendants-type AUs where we just make lots of fanchildren for our favourite crackships and ship them with each other to make the ultimate crackships
#I'm sorry my brain ain't working#I'm /hj here#Part of me wants to#Also no hate to people who like Descendants!!#I find the concept interesting and I can see the appeal#HELP IDK WHAT I'M YAPPING ABOUT ANYMORE#boni blabbers
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Me fighting with myself to see if I want to call off of work for my birthday tomorrow 😩
#part of me wants to#take like a self care day#but I also crave attention lmao#and i dont want to get in trouble#ahh life is hard 🤣🤣
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(also feel free in the tags to clarify Why you made the choice you made!! :0c)
#polls#tumblr polls#For me I think the top ones would be the House. The Money. or the Friend Group. But I ultimately might would go for the house#JUST becuase it would be my Dream House which means it would already meet mostly all of my specifications#and what I might be looking for. which would save a lot of time searching or customizing/rennovating.#Also because I could use that as a way to leave the US lol.. like .. if I get to choose my dream location.. couldnt I just choose some othe#country?? But I wonder how that works. Can you legally 100% have full ownership of a property in a country yet not be a citizen of that#country?? Would you show up and be like 'erm.. i own this house.. so i shall now live in it' and theyd be like 'uh no. you cant live here#despite owning the house. leave.' ??#So I think the initial process of 1. scraping together funds to actually MOVE myself and my most valuable belongings physically#TO another country. and 2. figuring out how to STAY in that country . might end up being difficult.. BUT. if I could just work that#part of things out then.. dream house?? security for once in my life?? stability?? :0#Though the $1mil is enticing it's also like.. I feel .. with the way housing prices are now... that's not much???#it's a lot I guess if you plan on like.. investing half the money and staying in an apartment for 5 years while you grow your wealth#or something. but if you're a 'I Need Stability NOW' ready to settle down person who would be most interested in owning a property rather#than nice clothes or a car or whatever other investments you could make then.. eh..?? It seems like unless you're okay with living in#a small town or kind of far away from the city - even some SMALL houses in majorly populated areas in the US will be like#$600.000 - $900.000 or something. like that would be MOST of my money. Which I know you could just pay partially and make#payments on it but idk.. in the option of just outright owning the house it seems like it'd end up being cheaper.#Plus I would want to own it fully asap because I'd be afraid of losing it somehow otherwise. like it being taken for medical bills or#something. which I thought was supposed to be - not IMPOSSIBLE - slightly more complicated legally if you actually have#paid off the house in full. I guess the issue then would be utilities and property tax and such. But I feel like thats overcome-able??#Like I could just stipulate that my Dream House has a little furnished addition or something and then find someone#with money and be like 'Look you can live in this extremely nice area with amazing ameneties and updated everything and ALL you have#to do is give me money to cover the utilities and property tax.'' or something like that. Like the little furnished addition is nicer#than the actual house. they have their own pool and spa and movie room or something and Ill also cook all their meals for them#or whatever (how luxurious it would be depeneds on how high the property tax actually is/how much I would need to entice them into#why it's a good deal for them to pay it for me lol). idk... something like that.. ANYWAY#I asked a few people I know though and one of them answered they'd rather have a romantic partner. the other one said they'd like#to be able to choose someone to die lol.. So I'm curious what people value the most
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You're just not toxic enough.
#the apothecary diaries#maomao#jinshi#When she loves poison as much as she does...this really isn't as big of an insult as it may seem.#'I'd rather poison myself' from a girl who genuinely wants to eat the poison? Not bad!#This was a thank you gift for a friend who helped me out of a tough situation. I hope you enjoy this!#I am so sorry I still haven't finished season one yet. I promise I'll get to it eventually.#Maomao is a really fun protagonist and as a mystery lover - the detective plots she finds herself in are very enjoyable.#Even if she doesn't want to be part of them. Girl who just wants to mind her own business but keeps getting hired to snoop around.#Jinshi is a great character in his own right. He is also a wet little clown that I want to wring out and leave in the sun to dry.#Man...now I want to finish season one...I miss them...
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#poll#glasses#i wont judge anyone#its just..my sis wants me to get surgery but i find glasses as a part of myself now LOL#i cant imagine Not having them bc they reflect me
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#i’ve been thinking abt that cringe post#i think the latent feelings behind ‘cringe’ are shame and sometimes envy/bitterness#same vibes as when six year olds say ‘those toys are for babies’ if they’ve been shamed for their age by older kids#anyway. i think part of the healing process is realizing that shame puts you at war with yourself bc part of yourself is a social being!#and that part of you wants community and acceptance (maybe love). shame is the absence of acceptance#unlearning shame means learning self-love and gaining the confidence to find your people#jerma#cw jerma#(someone asked me to tag lol)
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because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.
you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.
you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.
don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.
if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.
you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:
how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!
aren't you happy yet?
#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail''#ah tumblr...#writeblr#warm up#idk . having trouble writing rn#ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum#i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for#i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" .....#no.... not really.....#idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography#like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days#furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing...#this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey.#idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me.#i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will#actually ever happen#ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum
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“I look forward to hearing what you have to say in another four months.”
(read left -> right) it's here!! the chapter 5 comic is done (for now, i might want to come back and do proper lines and colors at some point). i just couldn't choose one part of the Big Moment to illustrate so i did.......all of it (ᵕ・ᴗ・)
scene from differential burdens in displacement
#jayvik#fic: differential burdens in displacement#SHE'S DONE HELL YEAH#chapter 5 is probably my favorite#i had sooooo much fun with the teasing leading up to their little argument#jayce having his gomez adams moment and viktor STILL not getting it like rip to that guy#will i do a cleaned up version of this someday? who's to say. certainly not me lol#i DO want to draw the actual kiss from this chapter so yeah ch5 gets to be special and have a third part#or tenth#depending on how you're counting (ᵕ—ᴗ—)#yallstart#arcane#special shoutout to fox bro for keeping me company through this one#we went on a journey......#oh it's almost 4:20 nice
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Knuckles "The Fun Uncle" the Echidna, everyone
#sth#sth fanart#silver the hedgehog#knuckles the echidna#mighty the armadillo#roonies comics#roonies doodles#dadow au#yall i have a very devastating story to tell. just after i'd finished this and was heading to bed#i decided i should try reading the classic idw comics because i wanted more mighty content. because i love mighty armadillo#take a wild guess what the literal FIRST THING i saw him do. thats right. throwing boulders at ray as a game. sigh#my fix for this major flop on my part is that hes grown up now and sees how it can be dangerous especially to a very small child#anyway. theyre sooooo babies to me <3
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I hate being a person who loves bugs, I can't say anything without the person I'm talking to reacting with disgust. Today I had to literally beg a coworker for the life of a spider, and then after I put it in a nook outside she thought it'd be funny to show me a video she took of her killing one. Like idk man. Birds scare the shit out of me but I still get why people love them. They come in pretty colors and they sound nice and they're interesting to observe. I don't understand why people don't feel the same about bugs. The rich amber color of a cockroach, the iridescent glow of a fly, the intricate hydraulics that power their little legs, the chirp of a beetle, the art of the spider's web... It's all so beautiful. Why is it the habit of so many to destroy?
#insects#entomology#to be clear i think its perfectly understandable that people have phobias#i would never force someone to look at or touch a bug if they didnt want to#but it almost seems like some enjoy killing tiny creatures#like hell. even if they play no part in transferring the bug they still want it dead#it just makes me sad. theyre such lovely little beasts its like watching someone kill a puppy to me
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The Kings men, chapter four









Okay i'm literally shaking posting this, i've been working on it for days i lost all objectivity about it.
Someone requested this scene when I asked for recommendations on an older post, so this is tkm chapter four:
"Andrew sprawled on the couch in the lounge while Kevin went ahead to change out. Neil hesitated, changed his mind and started after Kevin, and changed his mind again. He stood behind the couch, folding his arms across the back of it, and peered down at Andrew. Andrew had one arm folded under his head and the other draped over his eyes to block the light. 'One of these days you might as well practice with us,' Neil said."
This scene is so long I had to cut some parts (including the incredible "You let us run ourselves into the ground and clean up behind us. You play the game like you play life. That's why you're so good at it.").
Not to mention Andrew's height fear, one of my all-time favorite aftg quotes ("When you said you were afraid of heights, you were joking, right?" "Andrew, you can't be. What were you doing on the roof?" "Feeling." -tkm ch.5).
Update: I cut the (too long) comic into smaller images so that you can open it and have a better quality, hope it works!
#aftg#all for the game#the kings men#you're more a racoon than a fox#neil josten#andrew minyard#andreil#kevin day#aftg comics?#shit is so long imma just start a webtoon at this point#no but can we go back on the 'nothing' parts#all the wording with andrew wanting nothing while neil's nothing#it never ceases to choke me dead#do i get a prize for shutting you up#a quick death#MUSE PROPAGANDA (this is an art tag)
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He likes the drama
#sonic movie universe#sonic movie 3#doctor ivo robotnik#agent stone#when you're watching novelas mexicanas someone will invariably get slapped#and also the trope of an older relative trying to break the main couple is fairly common#congrats grandpa on playing a part in the soap opera that is ivo's life#this started with me wanting to have stone saying 'left yourself open'#but of course i had to go and make it silly#might be the most ooc thing I've drawn yet#but also maybe they're stupid enough#stobotnik
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Soap Being Soap
#john soap mactavish#john mactavish#soap mactavish#call of duty#call of duty modern warfare#call of duty modern warfare ii#modern warfare ii#cod modern warfare#cod modern warfare ii#this didn't quite turn out the way I wanted#so there may be a part 2 to soap being soap#if you guys want#you can let me know ✌️
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