#part of me is like. its hopeless. and the other part of me is like. its not worth thinking about just chill
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making a new post bc the other one is pretty bulky, im about to be severely overdrafted when i pay my rent in a few days and i really really really cant let that happen :( pls if you have anything to spare i'd appreciate it, im in the process of finding a new job because my current one refuses to give me hours. im transmasc and i dont have a car so finding a job has been difficult but im doing everything i can to make ends meet. even just spreading this around helps
pp: paypal.me/bewearrr
vnm: tobias_leviathan
thank you 🥺💕
90/450
#ive been rejected from multiple jobs simply because I don't have a car. even the ones i dont need to travel for#i have drivers license and a bus route but thats not good enough#its not like i even tell them i dont have a car either like they Find Out or theres some situation where i have to disclose that info#which feels illegal but whatever#anyways i am so fucking hopeless for the future im so terrified idk how im gonna pay my bills next month#ive tried asking for more hours at my current job but they dont care!!!! they dont fucking care!!!!!#idk how i went from having full time hours to working one day a week so suddenly but i hate it#and the worst part is theyre really guilt trippy about it and the managers are constantly talking abt it in the group chat#like they have all these extreme standards they only give you hours if you go way above and beyond in every aspect#even my good coworkers have been getting their hours cut#like even the IMPORTANT people arent getting hours#its fucked up!!!! never ever ever work for sheetz its a fucking nightmare#ive signed up for multiple temp agencies and none of them have given me any leads#im working on comms every day but it takes me so long to work on one piece that the process has been slow#im about to apply to work at fucking mcdonalds or something like its THAT bad rn i really dont want to but what other choice do i have
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i have another request :33333333333333333
How would Dabi or Hawks react to coming to their artist s/o room and seeing her face, hands and clothes covered in paint? :33
omg I love ur requestssss these are so cute 🙌
Hawks
Keigo wandered into your apartment as usual, some snacks in a crinkly plastic bag as he sauntered through the balcony door. He always entered like this- unannounced, with snacks, from the windows or the balcony, like a bird into its nest, because that’s what your place was to him. “hey babe I’m-“ he peeked into your bedroom, where you sat, cross legged on a big flat piece of cardboard, absolutely covered in paint. Hair, face, clothes, even the backs of your legs were smeared in colors where you’d lazily wiped it away. “Oh hey Keigo!” You grinned, waving a painted hand at him. He let out a snort, walking in and crossing his arms, a wide grin on his face. “You sure made a mess” he chuckled, sitting on the corner of your bed. You pouted a bit, hiding a small smile “I mean I put down cardboard,” you shrugged, gesturing to the large flat piece of cardboard beneath you.
It too was a total mess of blues, yellows, pinks, an array of colors that mixed and contrasted against the sad beige. He glanced down at the canvas in front of you. It was large, and it looked like you were making a landscape. It was pretty. Really pretty. Meow all the colors made sense, the way they blended and shaped the painting, providing their own shades and highlights to advance the setting you’d so meticulously crafted. he grinned, running a hand through your hair, little specks of paint dappling the ends of it. “It looks lovely. Have you eaten?” “Uhhhhh-“ “don’t tell me you skipped lunch too” he sighed at your silence as you closed your mouth, not wanting to dig yourself a bigger hole. He rolled his eyes, placing a kiss on your head. “Don’t worry, I brought snacks, and I can heat up some leftover pizza…you’d be so hopeless without me” he said the last part ever so dramatically, leading you to giggle and shake your head, flustered by how much you didn’t want to admit he might be right. He stood, walking back towards the door, still glancing back a few times to see the array of colors surrounding you, admiring how- of course you looked beautiful like this. He grinned, leaning back on the door frame “oh and babe?” He chirped, watching your bright eyes glance back at him. “It really does look nice… not as nice as its artist though” he winked dramatically once more before sweeping out, leaving you to shake your head and smile at his antics.
Dabi
It was an average day for Touya, doing his usual rounds with the league, looking for new recruits, burning said recruits alive because they annoyed him, and then walking home, and by home, he means to your place. He kicked off his boots once he was inside, knowing you wouldn’t be too appreciative of him tracking dirt in. “Hey doll where’re ya at” he said with a stretch, finally relaxing within the confines of your flat. “I’m in the living room!” He sighed, smiling to himself as he heard your soft voice from the other room. He turned the corner, and-
“Did you get jumped by crayons or somethin”
you snorted at his comment, turning to look at him. His brow was furrowed, and he scoffed at the sight of your face. Mainly because nearly every inch of you was smeared in paint. “No, I’m painting” you replied, turning back to your project. he scoffed once more, coming closer to peer over your shoulder. The painting was focused on a cherry blossom tree, the bright pinks and faint reds shading them contrasting the light blue of the pond behind it. “Nice.” He said gruffly, plopping down comfortably next to you. “Don’t know why it required you to be so…messy, though” he eyed you up and down, smirking, his amused expression outweighing his snarky remarks- it was clear he found this to be absolutely adorable.
“I didn’t mean to… it kinda just happens, you know?” You shrugged, giggling softly as you glanced back at your artwork. He eyed you for a moment, his smirk widening into a smile. “So this happens often then?” He teased, gently nudging your shoulder. “You mean if I get here early enough I’ll get to catch you being messy? i mean, I have to leave my boots at the door, but you can practically eat paint and it’s fine?” He laughed, kissing your painted cheek with a Cheshire Cat grin. You rolled your eyes, gesturing towards the cardboard beneath you. “I laid down cardboard” you offered, and he scoffed once more, grinning impossibly wider. “Doesn’t seem like it helped. You’re really something, you know that? Don’t worry, it‘s why I love ya so much… I’ll go make some tea, cos it looks like you won’t be done for a while” he dragged out his last word, ruffling your already messy hair as he stood, looking down at you and your little project. He couldn’t help but find your current circumstances to be adorable, but he’d much rather tease you than admit that to your face. Much more fun that way.
Onggg @yippe3allthedamnnamesrtaken you have the best requests EVER 🙏😭🫶
also I’m fully aware that at some point now autocorrected to meow, but I honestly found it to fun to fix it hehe
#bnha dabi#mha dabi#bnha touya#mha touya#touya x reader#touya todoroki#dabi x reader#mha hawks#bnha hawks#bnha keigo#mha takami keigo#keigo x reader#hawks x reader#hawks bnha#hawks mha#hawks
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The Pirate King of the North: Part 3
Main Themes: Villain Sanji, Alternate Universe, Zosan Ship
Warning: Long post ahead with One Piece spoilers. Contains strong language, drug use and explicit content.
Part 1 | 2 | 3
Law
Zoro-ya…
Zoro
DON'T.
Law
We've passed by the same block thrice.
Zoro growls. His fists clench as he continues to stubbornly walk ahead of the other man.
Law
Are you seriously this hopeless at directions?
Zoro
Shut up!! We're here.
Law cautiously looks around. His assumption was correct–the green-head is an idiot.
Law
We're in a damp back alley that smells like piss, in the middle of the night, behind some–
Just as Law is about to take another step, a couple of drunken men get roughly thrown out from a tavern and onto the stone footpath in front of him. The bouncer yells unruly curses their way and slams the door behind him. Law sighs, exasperated, and proceeds to follow Zoro, stepping over the writhing drunkards without a care.
Law
Lovely. Look, just tell me where you want to go and I'll take us there. We've wasted enough time already. Are you even sure that we’re on the right island?
Zoro
Shut up. This is the right place. I’m sure of it…this time.
Oh good, they haven't cleared it out yet.
Zoro confidently walks towards a large metal rubbish bin near yet another shoddy tavern. He readjusts the swords around his waist, and jumps up onto the container. The top half of his body hangs over the opening and the bottom half flails his legs to offset his balance to make sure he doesn't fall all the way in.
Disgusted, Law covers his face with his arm, glaring at Zoro's behind.
Law
You said you can get us in touch with the Pirate King.
Zoro ignores the man and proceeds to dig through the trash, arms deep. Some of the contents spill over the edge, and some he chucks in random directions by hand.
Law
Ugh… Is digging through the trash really how we get to him? It took us two whole days to travel just to get here for this?
Zoro
FOUND YOU!
With a couple of kicks in the air, Zoro's feet fall on the ground. He has his hands cupped together close to his chest. He quickly shuffles past Law, avoiding eye contact, and begins to whisper into his hands as he finds a quiet dark corner while his back is turned towards the other man.
Zoro
I need you working for me now. Come on.
…
I'm sorry I threw you away. I was afraid that you were tapped. Or that you'll explode.
…
C'mon. Just…I'll feed you extra or something. What do you guys like again?
Law's patience is wearing very thin. He approaches Zoro, tapping him on the shoulder with the handle of his own sword.
Law
Zoro-ya, what's going on?
Zoro jolts. He turns his head to look at Law over his shoulder. His ears have turned red. In the palm of his hand, two tiny curious orbs peek over at the doctor.
Law blinks in surprise, looking at the transponder snail with two curly brows above its eyes.
—
At the other end of the line, a den-den mushi with one eye awakens from its peaceful nap.
Den-den Mushi
Purupurupurupuru
A delicate hand answers the call. He lifts the snail’s handset close to his face.
Sanji
Hello?
My beloved! What can I do for you?
Mhmm… Uh-huh. Huh.
That sounds like fun. Sure, I'll help you.
I'll see you soon, my love.
Den-den Mushi
Click
The call put Sanji in a pleasant mood. He is on his bed, reading a book on his stomach while smoking a joint. The one-eyed transponder snail readjusts its shell happily before hiding inside itself comfortably for another long snooze. Sanji thinks that's a great idea, and snuggles himself further in the overly large pink feather coat that draped over him like a blanket, bumping the wavy red sunglasses that sat on his forehead.
Doflamingo shifts in reaction. He is splayed naked next to him with his hands behind his head, resting comfortably against an especially large pillow that looks proportional to his massive figure.
Doflamingo
“My beloved,” hmm? Who was it?
Sanji
None of your god damn business, you ugly fuck.
Doflamingo lets out a deep sinister chuckle.
Doflamingo
This your new toy?
Sanji
He used to be.
Doflamingo
The swordsman, eh? I'm glad to hear that you're making progress.
Sanji
Thanks, cunt.
Doflamingo turns his head slightly, nodding at Sanji's hand with the stick.
Doflamingo
Pass it here.
Sanji stretches his hand and gently places the joint between Doflamingo's lips, giving him a chance to take a long deep drag.
As thanks, Doflamingo holds the air in his lungs, leans over and captures Sanji's lips onto his to breathe the smoke directly into his mouth, making the other man moan deliciously. He takes the hint and pushes further in, shoving his long pointed tongue further down his throat.
Sanji lets him flip him onto his back, welcoming his full weight by spreading his legs wide so the large man can fit between his figure. He opens his mouth, giving him further access.
After a few moments of exchanging deep penetrating kisses, Sanji exhales the smoke out through his nose. He pulls back slightly to look Doflamingo in the eyes.
Sanji
Don't touch him, okay?
Doflamingo
You're no fun.
Sanji
I'm serious.
At this point, Doflamingo knows when he can push his luck and when he can't, especially with that tone in his voice. He raises a hand, telling the other man that he won't bother him further about it. Shifting back onto his pillow, he returns his gaze to the blue and the green-haired commanders standing guard by the doorway. They'd been assigned to make sure that he behaves himself which is the usual routine, but nevertheless he finds it entertaining that they always refuse to watch the show directly in front of them or make any eye contact at all.
Doflamingo
Think the blue one will actually let me have a go at him this time?
Sanji
Only if you want your dick bitten off, darling.
----------
A little drink to quench the thirst. Doffy is a big boy.
#pirate king of the north#villain sanji#old sanji#zosan fanfic#opfanart#op fanfic#one piece#vinsmoke sanji#sanji#roronoa zoro#sanji x zoro#sanji x doflamingo#alternate universe#villain au#sketch#one piece zosan#poor niji
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literally atp my main desire for iwtv going forward is that they dont tone down the fact that everyone is obsessed with eachother. Yes, because thats how 70 percent of the plot happens in the first place but also because im so petty and the "who is in love with who" arguing makes me want to shoot this place up
#interview with the vampire#iwtv#char.txt#had someone send me an ask 2 weeks ago being like ''lesmand cant happen cuz they were never together''#and i was so kind and didnt give them an itemized list of lesmand being so weird about eachother in just TVA alone#and knowing that amc is going to give louis a much bigger part- we have got to accept#that everyone is fucking everyone and people confess undying love for another character like every other chapter#but some of yall couldn't even believe that armand was sleeping around with the coven so ykw maybe its hopeless LMAOOO
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joining you in the pla ruined my life club. also the idea that people confessing to volo about how much they liked him and they wish he wouldn’t have turned all evil on him would actually make him feel worse bc they just liked a facade? man. trying to hurt me huh. it’s like he’s allergic to genuine connection and is obsessed with making people hate him for no reason
YEAHHH ITS LIKE. what i like abt pokemas's volo is that we're getting a better look at exactly how he thinks and feels and what it is is that he literally. cannot identify when people are being positive to him anymore. he is Always on the defensive as a survival tactic so Everything must be treated as some kind of slight against him or a manipulation. because clearly something happened in the past to make him that distrustful! he literally cannot afford to trust again or whatever made him be this way could happen to him again!
what volo needs is a friend. but he wouldnt know one even if they fell from the sky, collected the plates and then beat his ass at spear pillar.
#asks#clai speaks#''why do i feel so alone. must because no one likes me and not because i dont give them a chance to get close.''#its part of why pla is such a unique and brilliant pokemon experience because volo Never gets any sort of closure#his ending is unsatisfying. you beat him he gets mad at you and then fucks off to god knows where while not changing in the slightest#other villains in the series either get definitively beaten and wont cause trouble anymore or even turn a new leaf#but volo is just. so far gone. he hates everything and everyone and i dont know what it's going to take to actually stop him#he is this uniquely hopeless case in a series all about hope it is So fascinating. i'm going to shake volo like a maraca
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3l!grian is frequently depicted as a tragic figure and sometimes i wonder if we even watched the same series
#like yes he is tragic. every character in the series is tragic but i think hes easily the least tragic of the winners#(except maybe cleo. i have my own thoughts about how cleos victory plays into her core themes and why its not as joyous or triumphant as#cleo the players and the fandom at large make it seem that i will have to make a real post about at some point)#grian dies Laughing. he smiles and calls it a dual victory before the final fight. his last words are “its been amazing.”#to me Grians arc is about how he came in with this sense of mirth. had it ripled away by the reality when his joke gets Scar killed.#and then rediscovers it as he learns that the horror of their circumstances doesn't need to keep him from delight#plus also ive never seen a man more delighted to explode three of his friends#ill also bring up that Martyns lore has Grian involved in the games explicitly to COMBAT the angst#that Grians inherent silliness and joy makes the players less hopeless as they meet their endings#and theres obviously parts of martyns lore i can take or leave but this is one area where Eyes and Ears lines up very well with what actions#the characters take and so im happy to bring it up#unlike other parts such as “limlife pearl and cleo retained more trauma between seasons than any player has before”#which i do directly refute as it doesn't seem to line up with the way the characters act and the story plays out#thats for another post though#my point here is 3l grian was having the time of his life and i think there are some fanon interpretationd that disregard that#which theyre free to do im definitely someone who has ignored canon plenty of times in the past (glances at worm)#but i think this is the sort of thing that makes the canon more interesting and compelling#anyway. um. rambled longer than i meant to there#grian#trafficblr#3rd life#3rd life smp#3lsmp
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Idk why i never feel like im allowed to think about my future. Probs a little depression thing but idk.
#part of me is like. its hopeless. and the other part of me is like. its not worth thinking about just chill#so im just kinda. idk. unmotivated#i have no goals#i dont want to be a successful artist i dont think i can travel with renfest without losing my cats and jonny#theyre my whole world. being away from them for two months is the most terrifying part of all that#i just feel like. idk. i know i'll figure out the point of it all eventually. i have faith things will fall into place#but i also know i have to work towards . something. anything#i dont want anything but people to devote myself to. its odd. why am i like this#how come when my thoughts stray and i think about my future all i ever want is someone to be there#i dont want a career or a big nice house or any of that i just want someone around#okay maybeeee i also want a nice house#maybe its animal brain. maybe the only dream i need is a pretty decorated cozy house and my arms around someones shoulders#not in a trad wife way .#i dont fucking want kids .#cats are okay#i wish i didnt live in capitalism
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very very very sad drunk
#alcohol#side note: by hte way i havent been drinking like period. i did three days ago and i did today but other than that i swear to go i havent#like two weeks plus i swear to god i havent drank i swear#just wanted to let you know so you dont think im totallay hopeless#anyways.#i just really miss my friends#and i just today realized that its possible for friendships to last forever. amd for them to mean everything.#eben if they have otehr stuff going on even if theu have significant others#even if everything and anything.#i just want friends and i want people to trust me and think about me and just. i want them to be a part of me.#its one of those things ghats completely on me so like#its up to me to make people like me. its up to me for my friends to stqy my friends. its up to me for them to trust me and turn to me#etcetera#god just. whatever. i dont even know#i just want to show people that i care. i really do. i promise. even if i dont show it. i promsei i care. i swear. i swear . i swear.
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the longer i sit with it the more it really gets me how nobody ever really mentions obito and rin before obito's reveal in shippuden. kakashi vaguely mentions his old friends and i think other characters allude to the tragedy of kakashi's past but rin and obito themselves are lost to time. something about that is so fucking haunting and so gutting. you would think it would be a pretty big deal that two kids from the same class died within a year of each other, but the nine tails attack probably wiped so much clean that nobody could really carry the grief... still, when we see their class in flashbacks, we recognise almost everyone else, so... there's something really sad and hopeless about their absence...
there's a lot a LOT to say about it from a lot of different angles and i don't really feel like going into meta posting territory i just have big feelings about it you know? and to me i guess obito encapsulates a lot of the anger. for the people who get left behind and forgotten. and that can mean a lot of things
#two of my classmates died on separate occassions in short span of time in high school and i wont claim that grief because#i didnt know either of them well but i did feel a lot of anger and overwhelming hopelessness. that life keeps relentlessly going on#even when people get left behind#it feels so unfair and so painful... there are so many more aspects to it though as well#like people who are left behind in other ways due to circumstance or class or race or etc etc- often a combination of those factors#and obito as a kid reminds me a lot of a good friend i had when i was little who was late to class every day#because of those outside circumstances#and again someone in high school who i was late WITH every day. because ya#and i feel very big about that. and about rins death as something so fucking preventable#the tragedy also of baby teacher minato who was so so not ready to be in charge of anyone. but. that's something else#anyway i guess i just really feel a connection with that anger and despair#sorru was watching niji and felt fucking insane about it#obito and rin are like two sides of one thing. maybe of one person. of one concept#part of why i'm so so crazy about obito being trans is because i see him as also using rin's memory as a conduit for#his anger and grief about his own lost younger self. hence: baby obito is also a little girl#i think they are best friends. its so important. idk none of this is wider narrative meta#its just my feelings about them in particular#haunting dead girl and the ghost who has to carry on and can't rest
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aroace joy vs aroace loneliness fight
#im saying that as someone who IS aroace if this ends up in discourse territory somehow#sometimes i think it's some form of internalized arophobia and it probably is a little at least#but i just feel so wrong and lonely thinking about the future#because i love the idea of being in love (as one can tell) but i just don't love people like that#and aside from any other self worth and confidence issues involved in obtaining a partner it just seems unfair to them you know#that id never be able to love them in that way#before anyone says qpr i am WELL AWARE!!! but then we go back to the Other Issues#besides its so easy to find other aros online but irl nobody really understands#so its kinda hopeless#ive always wanted to get married and have kids of my own !!! like genuinely i love the idea of it#but i doubt id ever find someone who would like#want to be a secret 3rd thing with me and get platonically married and raise kids or smth#and then theres the whole thing about me probably not being a good parent or being able to even afford to have kids so like. GRGRRARARSRR#cant win#ive accepted the fact im gonna be alone but it doesn't make it any happier. it feels like theres something wrong with me you know#but on the other hand i love being aroace its such an integral part me??#and it makes me so happy to be apart of the community and to know its okay#that there are people who understand the Lack#and even in the specific ways i do!!!#so its like so. aughhghhghh#saying this feels like a betrayal because i know theres nothing wrong with not#finding love. i heavily criticize the idea that people need love in their life to be fulfilled.#i feel like im wrong on both ends. to want it AND not feel it#personal posts and stuff idk#cw vent#aethers rants#sorry to be a party pooper i think its getting a bit cloudy and its getting to me
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.
#thinking about those posts earlier#about kindness and boundaries#i hope i can the proper balance between helping others and helping myself#cause i KNOW you cant pour from an empty cup#and you should always put your own oxygen mask on first before helping others#but gdi it's hard to not want to help#idk if its because of how i was brought up or if thats just who i am. or both.#but it hurts when i can't offer the needed supports#i hate seeing people hurting. friends. family. strangers.#doesn't matter.#but i need to find a way to step back and acknowledge that i can't fix everything for everyone else#its hard to do when you live in a house with a family dynamic like mine#because not helping makes me feel guilty but attempting to help only leaves me tired and frustrated#and with less time and energy to take care of my own needs#idk idk#its 4am#im tired but my brain is wired#as usual#i feel helpless and unhelpful#part of me wants to say i feel hopeless too but i refuse to let myself fall into the particular pit of despair#uggghhhh ok enough tag rambling its time for bed whether my head wants it or not#☉#tbd#fox rambles
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if lasting integrity has one hater it is me etc etc
#okay maya too.#outgoing transmission#im uncomfortable and cant sleep and am plagued by memories that are mostly vague#just... being awake too much and then when i eas finally able to fall asleep#i could Not stay asleep bc everything was too stressful and maya wasnt around and I was worried#about her and other things. half sure id be stuck there#thought a bit too much abt kal i didnt Quite know how much i liked. or loved yk. him then but#i was like ah itd really suck if i couldnt see him again i wonder if he'd find a way or if ill die here#there was a lot more to think about but Often when i felt hopeless i figured at least he was doing better#(he was not /: but he's alive)#i don't think i was the one for LI#i mean I was i guess I just am In There Now#like logically yeah maya was able to talk because of me sort of. because of us. saying me feels wrong.#but without her i would have been fucked#and its a moot point bc it was all fine and yk.. idk. i was Good enough to love my spren to life so i was the guy for the job#but ohhh the. horrors of feeling inadequate in the moment#this is Peak middle of it all. the most stressful part.#im so so tired.#adolin post
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Honey!! Wake Up!!! It's time for BUGZ to go through the 'emotional detachment is killing me' phase again!
#vent posting#I can't get connected to anyone and ITS STARTING TO MAKE ME GENUINELY UPSET.#Like haha maladaptive coping mechanism go brr BUT GIVE ME THE ABILITY TO GET CONNECTED TO OTHERS BACK!!!!#I'm such a hopeless romantic and always yearning for a QPR but GODDAMNIT#I CAN BARELY FEEL CONNECTED TO MY FRIENDS#It's like the whole 'revolving door of friends' trauma made me just... UNABLE TO FEEL AND BECOME CONNECTED TO OTHER PEOPLE.#Like I long to be close to someone. our souls intertwined just as our hands are. but I'm starting to feel like this is impossible#I just want to love someone. I just want to fucking love someone goddamnit#But if you can't connect to other people. how are you supposed to have relationships? The connection is. like. THE WHOLE THING????#I want to fucking punch a hole in the wall. JUST LIKE FUCKING GO GNARLEY. but that's obvs not the move#It would feel so disingenous to be in a relationship and knowing you wont ever give them what they truly want because you cant connect#I know I say 'connect' but it means a lot of things tbh.#I'm just so far removed from everyone around me. and no one can reach me truly. I want someone to reach me. PLEASE gods. let me be reached.#but it's starting to feel like I'm broken. that it's impossible for me to connect anymore#And a part of me really wants to fucking mourn the fact was a revolving door#And bc of that. I turned into this creature incapable of reciprocating the love I so desperately crave#vent#the bugz speak
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I don't typically add things in reblogs like this but beware, my rambling in the tags is long-winded. Nausicaa of the Valley of the Wind just brings that out of me sometimes
Moment of truth...
Keep in mind: I ONLY included the films in which (according to Wikipedia), Miyazaki was the SOLE director. The only one I couldn't squeeze on here was his latest work post-retirement (How Do You Live?). Also, alas, none of the other Ghibli films count, so don't ask for Arietty, or Grave of the Fireflies, etc.
Godspeed and happy voting! ❤
#nausicaa obviously#i was too young to remember when i first watched it - and i have no idea what order i watched the movies in#so i technically have no 'first' ghibli movie#and i've watched them all quite literally thousands of times by now#but over the past month ive watched nausicaa about five times (laputa being three)#so that can give you an idea of how big a part these movies have in my life#the message of nausicaa just resonates with me the most#a lot of the movies have similar messages but its kinda ridiculously obvious that nausicaa is what shaped me as a person#when you ask me about my feelings on topics like the ones in that movie its like the 'theyre the same picture' meme#thats how much it shaped me#i love everything about the movie#the giant warrior terrified me for a long time - in relation to how many years ive been on earth i basically JUST got over that fear#it was the eyes#and you know the weird thing about it? that fear fascinated me#so every time i watched the movie i focused on the eyes specifically to feel that fear#and then fucking- i exposure therapied myself into not being scared anymore and im still pissed about it#it was the kind of fear that made you see something bigger than just the thing youre scared of - it fascinated me so much#i loved it#but even with that fear being gone theres so many things that stand out to me about the movie#i have a lot of feelings about the ohm and the way the world is invisibly healing under the toxic jungle#and the toxic jungle in general#its something that thrives so well - the only thing left thats thriving on its own#all other plant life relies on human care - and the humans are killing each other off#but the jungle is thriving - living off the pollution the humans created#and just like how the pollution killed off everything - the jungle is killing off the pollution#and its seen as evil for doing it because it threatens humanity - because humanity largely on the same side as the pollution#the world does what it needs to to heal in a situation where it looks so incredibly hopeless#its just#yeah - lotta feelings
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By far the most effective psyop that the 4chan/adjacent websites' misery stew inflicts on its users is the idea that they're just hated for having problems, rather than the reality which is that they are having those problems exploited to radicalize them into insular hate communities that want them to alienate anyone not in the community, and that they are being manipulated into alienating everyone who could support them.
So much of the criticism I've gotten for the orangecel desaturatoid comic on twitter boils down to "you simply do not understand that my way of coping with dysphoria by going to the dysphoria worsening website and stewing in misery is necessary, because your dysphoria is simply lesser. Stop invalidating my dysphoria, which is more real than yours, and demands that I do this."
This illustrates a fundamental part of how these communities operate: Anyone who criticizes the way they operate must simply be the Other that they build up in their minds. It's all reflexive ways to dismiss outsiders. Chad/passoids/normies simply do not understand. Nobody in the out-group has any familiarity with how it feels, nobody has ever gotten out, nobody is telling you that this is bad for you from experience.
It's absolutely baffling watching these barely even adults say that I, someone who transitioned in my mid-20s, can't possibly understand what dysphoria is like. I was so uncomfortable being perceived at all as a teenager that I simply did not go outside. I lived in MMOs. Until I learned that voice training was possible I was so hopeless about even trying transition that I didn't dare to consider the option.
I would stay up hours past midnight in meaningless fucking arguments on 4chan that served no other purpose than to make me miserable. I fucking know how you feel because I was you, and I am telling you, get the fuck out of there.
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₊⊹ "𝐧𝐨𝐨𝐨, 𝐢 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐚 𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝…" | xiao, childe, alhaitham x gn!reader
�� "𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐮𝐬𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐬 𝐰𝐚𝐚𝐚𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐝𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮!!"」
— in which you've gotten drunk... drunk enough to fail to recognize your own lover.
— silly fluff. soft xiao, had this one in the drafts for far too long and its about time i choke it out... happy white day !!
the moment your slurred words reached his ears, XIAO knew that he never should've let you get your hands on that cursed rice wine.
in a way, he supposed it could be his fault. the one time he had decided to indulge in trivial mortal matters like alcohol due to your constant insistence... well, just look at you.
red-faced, the tips of your ears and cheeks stuck in a helplessly drunken flush, you babbled incoherently with half of your face smushed against the table. xiao could only stare in contempt as you feebly reached towards the already-emptied bottle,
( xiao had taken one sip and refused any more indulgence, claiming it was bitter, when in fact, you had gone out of your way to find a sweeter drink ),
and sigh, massaging the bridge of his nose with a certain disillusionment.
"come on, you're getting to bed." the man was just about done with your hopeless actions. he grabbed your wrist and tugged, only to be met with resistance. you're pouting like a child, brows furrowed lazily as you stare upwards at him.
"nnno. m'not going with you."
"...excuse me?" what in the archons was the problem now? he tugged again, this time with a small margin of force, and was met with an even larger pull back, this time paired with a low whine. "hey, it's late, and all the wine is gone, so just comply with me won't you?"
"i already told you... i have a husband..."
your complaint met the cool night air and the adeptus' silence. his lips were slightly parted as his round eyes blinked once, then twice, in a sort of stunned stupor. "...love, i am that husband."
archons, how had he found himself such a foolish mortal to love?
"don't lie to me!" you shook your head profusely, wiggling around in his grasp relentlessly until the adeptus had no choice but to let go. "i know my husband when i see him... and he's way handsomer than you, stupid..." you stared him up and down with squinting eyes, eyeing the way his ears were beginning to turn pink, and sat heavily in thought as you pondered the man before you.
definitely not your husband.
idiot. with a huff, he easily hauled your body over his shoulder as if carrying something as trivial as a sack of potatoes. you hung loosely over, landing a couple weak punches on his back as you proceeded to prattle on, your defiance seemingly having little effect.
then, you were silent, and xiao had to look back to make sure you hadn't gotten hurt. sure, he had considered once or twice leaving you out there all passed out on the balcony, but not without reason, yet he'd decided against it. you seemed fine, mouth hung slightly ajar as you snoozed peacefully, your eyes shut and cheeks still warm from what you'd downed. the audacity to fall asleep... xiao couldn't deny that his sigh was one of fondness.
"night, this husband of yours loves you."
strange, wasn't the wine from liyue supposedly far less intense compared to the vodka CHILDE had tried back home?
that, or the people here simply were more susceptible when it came to the topic of intoxication. you were no exception — he'd taken you out drinking, his mistake, thinking it'd be an easy, splendid time.
and don't get him wrong, it was! not just, well... conversation was rather hard to make when the other person was practically unconscious. you're practically splayed across the mahogany table, eyes nearly drooped close and fire across your cheeks.
you giggled. it's a muddled sound, when you're mostly mumbling into the table. "hhhey, pour me another glass~"
childe scans your less-than-ideal state and procures an answer in a little under a second. "love, you've had too many."
you seem shocked at his words, leaning forwards a little with narrowed eyes. your figure sways as you shake your head lazily, from side to side. "wwhhhat? nnno, that can't be right..."
the man holds back an amused chuckle. it's entertaining. "and how many fingers am i holding up?" he holds up just one hand, displaying a reasonable amount of three.
there's a beat of silence. "...nineteen?" you blink a couple times, as if to shake you out of your stupor. "...nineteen," this time, with confidence.
childe claps his hands together, a sudden sound that makes you startled, and he moves to apologize immediately. "we're getting you to bed, love. clearly you've had more alcohol than you can handle."
"what, was i wrong??" there's tears forming in your eyes, and your lips tug downwards in a frown. "u-uhm, fifteen? nno, four...?"
"still incorrect, love. i'm afraid it's time for you to go to sleep. you'll wake up with a hell of a hangover tomorrow morning, but..." he sighed, thinking back to his time in shneznaya, then made a mental note to prepare you a hangover drink in the morning. his hand found its familiar place in your hand, unnaturally warm with your skin rosy from the alcohol. he smiled, turning to glance at you, but ceased when he saw you on the ground, tears now falling from your eyes, quietly sobbing as you shook your head back and forth.
panic immediately sets in. what has he done wrong?? "love, what-"
"nnnno, don't call me that..." you squinted upwards at him, looking quite displeased. "no 'love', 'kaaay? i'm not your love, mister."
he paused. wait, you didn't possibly think that... "love-" oh, old habits died hard, and the word had already left his lips before he could process what you'd said.
"i have a husband, you!!" in some sort of fit, or perhaps better worded as a tantrum, you stood, wrenching yourself from his grip and then hitting him repeatedly in the shoulders, chest, anywhere your fists could reach, really. the alcohol had surely affected your capabilities of combat — you missed half the time, and what punches did land caused no pain at all.
as your anger subsided, your step faltered, body swaying in the open air before childe reached over to catch you in his arms. he was concerned, naturally. "lov- are you alright?" his worry only grew when he heard no response, but it ebbed with a chuckle when he saw you were already fast asleep in his arms, snoozing without a care in the world.
"a husband, hm? whoever it is, he must quite be the gentleman..."
ALHAITHAM knew his night was fated to end in idiocy the moment you knocked on his door.
it didn't even strike him that you were holding wine, of all things, when you waltzed into his house like it was your own. sure, it wasn't as if these occasions weren't frequent, but really anyone would be surprised to glance up from a quiet reading session only to see their (annoying) lover pressed against the door, repeatedly calling out his name in a sing-song, satire-like voice.
like... calling a cat. it was a realization he made with not too much contentment. silently, he thanked the archons that kaveh was not home — they knew that he could not handle the both of you.
it was only when you sat down at his table, where he'd been reading up to the point when you barged in, that he noticed. green-tinted glass, a little wind motif on the front... dandelion wine from mondstadt. now, just how did you get your hands on that?
"connections," you had stated. with a note of pride, he might add. what, was he supposed to congratulate you on being able to talk to other people? even he, a person who generally hated people, could do that.
ah, but he didn't hate it. your voice, that is, when you rambled on for hours on end. he didn't have the heart to interrupt you, especially when you were so heated on a topic — be it work troubles, an especially annoying sailor, or you accidentally dropping your pita pocket into the water when walking along the port, he didn't mind.
"...mmbottle. haaithammm, the bottle..." your drunk complaints reach his ears, and he his irritation is more so disrupted with inward amusement as he watches you in the predicament you've landed yourself in.
"the bottle?" he questions, raising an eyebrow. his hands are crossed over his chest; he's clearly getting a ruse out of this. "just what would you need the bottle for, love?"
your eyebrows scrunch together. he can tell your brain is working at its max capacity. "...im. thirsty?"
"you've already drunk two thirds of this bottle." he holds said bottle high above your head, hopelessly far from your reach. "if you're so thirsty, drink water."
"i don wanna."
"..."
"just... one drop?"
"hah..." he pinches the bridge of his nose, sighing deeply, and places a hand on your shoulder. you barely react, and don't even glance at the sudden weight. "love, you're staying over. you're going to bed."
"bed...?" horror crosses your face, paired with evident irritation. "y...you, who do you think you are, to suggest such things!?" your face is bright red, and you're hugging yourself with one arm and pointing an accusing finger towards the male with the other. "i have a husband!!"
ah. "...what's his name?"
"and why do youuuu want to know?" you narrow your eyes suspiciously at him, but seem to come up with an answer to your own question, for you answer him anyhow. "haitham."
"do you love this 'haitham'?" alhaitham's enjoying himself. when he teases the sober you, all you do is retort back, but now... he can see your flustered expression on full display as you stammer out an answer.
"o-of course! a-and, if you wanted to know, he's waaaaay handsomer.. than ... you..."
just like that, you topple over and sink into the couch, knocked unconscious. a trace of a smile crosses alhaitham's lips as he looks at your sleeping form.
"fortunately for you, this 'haitham' you speak of loves you too."
(a/n) bye i was gonna add kaveh to this one too but i realized oh fuck its white day i said id post a month ago what the fuck am i doing so i just like regurgitated this out and spat it onto your dashboard. ahodfjlds
tags (id paste the aesthetic thing but i cant find it so we're just gonna roll w this):
@manager-of-the-pudding-bank, @iamdedinside, @ilyuu, @ @falors, @swivy123, @scara-is-my-wife, @lupicalbestwolf, @justyoureader,@fiannee, @aether-darling, @ceneid, @avensuersa, @solxima
#★ ˎˊ˗ mondaymelon#astronetwrk#x reader#genshin impact#genshin impact x reader#genshin fanfic#genshin imagines#genshin x you#genshin x reader#childe#alhaitham x reader#childe x reader#tartaglia x reader#al haitham x reader#genshin impact fluff#alhaitham#xiao#xiao x reader#genshin xiao#haitham x reader#x gn reader#genshin oneshots#genshin impact x you#genshin fanfiction#genshin impact imagines#genshin headcanons#fanfiction#fanfic#reader insert#help its been so long how do i tag this again
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