#It would feel so disingenous to be in a relationship and knowing you wont ever give them what they truly want because you cant connect
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Honey!! Wake Up!!! It's time for BUGZ to go through the 'emotional detachment is killing me' phase again!
#vent posting#I can't get connected to anyone and ITS STARTING TO MAKE ME GENUINELY UPSET.#Like haha maladaptive coping mechanism go brr BUT GIVE ME THE ABILITY TO GET CONNECTED TO OTHERS BACK!!!!#I'm such a hopeless romantic and always yearning for a QPR but GODDAMNIT#I CAN BARELY FEEL CONNECTED TO MY FRIENDS#It's like the whole 'revolving door of friends' trauma made me just... UNABLE TO FEEL AND BECOME CONNECTED TO OTHER PEOPLE.#Like I long to be close to someone. our souls intertwined just as our hands are. but I'm starting to feel like this is impossible#I just want to love someone. I just want to fucking love someone goddamnit#But if you can't connect to other people. how are you supposed to have relationships? The connection is. like. THE WHOLE THING????#I want to fucking punch a hole in the wall. JUST LIKE FUCKING GO GNARLEY. but that's obvs not the move#It would feel so disingenous to be in a relationship and knowing you wont ever give them what they truly want because you cant connect#I know I say 'connect' but it means a lot of things tbh.#I'm just so far removed from everyone around me. and no one can reach me truly. I want someone to reach me. PLEASE gods. let me be reached.#but it's starting to feel like I'm broken. that it's impossible for me to connect anymore#And a part of me really wants to fucking mourn the fact was a revolving door#And bc of that. I turned into this creature incapable of reciprocating the love I so desperately crave#vent#the bug speaks
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