#paraphrased technically but still lol

[jamieaiken919]

*Tank, Takeo, and Nikolai come across some of Edward’s writings scattered across his desk*

Nikolai: He dedicates this to his girlfriend?

Tank: He must fuckin’ hate her.

[percabethluv]

am i the only one who thinks the percabeth cheek kiss is SO cute in the book but will not really work on screen…? (before you cancel me hear me out okkk)

book percabeth and show percabeth are different (not in a bad way, just something that factors into this conversation), and based on how it went in season 1, i don’t think the momentum will ultimately lead to this.

but first lets do a light retrospective on season 1 percabeth:

i don’t personally believe the show percabeth slow burn is speeding up, paraphrasing Liam Crowley on the Seaweed Brain podcast who said that in season 1 they were forced to be put in high stakes situations that caused their emotions and feelings towards each other to be dialed up to 10, (aka the tunnel of love scene iykyk) and they always have to deal with the aftermath and their relationship in between those moments almost like it never happened (ie the weirdness after she hugged him in ep 5 even though he just sacrificed himself for her)

so based on this new but still-complimentary-to-book-percabeth percabeth dynamic in the show, i just don’t think a cheek kiss makes sense. for one it’s kinda cheesy (DOESNT MEAN ITS NOT CUTE) and the show has in my opinion strayed away from that kind of campiness, but also they are still young and awkward but in my mind they’re relationship is slightly past that stage (i feel like the cheek kiss is equivalent to the cute little hug in ep 8)

and not only that, unlike the book leah is shorter than walker, and i think visually it just might not work or even fit into the scene of the chariot races. we obviously don’t know how the chariot race scene will play out (or anything really this is all speculation cause i’m delusional lol) but based on how s1 went and their style i have a feeling the chariot race will have more bearing on the plot and therefore be a little more suspenseful and heavy, and a cute little cheek kiss will feel out of place.

i believe the cast and crew could 100% eat it up and if they knew it could work they would do it, but i was just thinking of this recently while reflecting on why i am not as excited to see the cheek kiss on screen as i am to see, say, the siren scene or circes island scene, which are technically more emotional and seems like will be a bigger moment in the show based on what the crew placed importance on in season 1.

thank you very much for coming to my tedtalk on show percabeth’s dynamic and the cheek kiss have a wonderful day :)

[slayerkitty]

Only Friends: "Hot Take - Do Not Fuck Your Boss"

Credit to @chalkrevelations for the title, that part of your post made me giggle and pointed out an undercurrent of a theme that's running far in the background of the show.

Hot Take: DO NOT FUCK YOUR BOSS

We actually see this concept in four pairings on the show (sort of).

Starting with Sand and Ray (yeah, they did start as an employee/employer relationship). Ray was paying Sand to hang out with him. He paid Sand to drive him home that one time. Now, since episode two, when they slept together, based on Sand's "If I like you, I'll do it for free" line (paraphrasing), we can assume that Ray is no longer/hasn't paid him since. Essentially though, Sand fucked his boss and now look where he is. Ray still thinks he owns him, that Sand is a possession.

They've explored this with Top and Mew, too. Technically, the Fab Four are/were Top's bosses. They employed him (and are/were presumably paying him) to redesign the hostel for them. Top ends up sleeping with two of his bosses (Mew and Boston). He's actually manipulated into sex by his boss (Boston) and when the news gets out, Mew and Ray essentially fire Top. Boston, as one of the bosses, is loosely exiled from the group but not the project. Top is out of a job and a boyfriend (on the flip of this here, we know this is not Top's only job, he works with his dad at the hotel, but still).

We're also getting ready to see this with Daddy Dan (never calling him anything else, I don't make the rules) and Nick. Nick's been hired on for this project; Daddy Dan is super shifty that whole scene, blatantly coming on to Nick the whole time (whether that translation was supposed to be "Lick my ass" or "Kiss my ass" really doesn't matter, both amount to the same meaning here, lol). We all know this isn't going to end well for Nick. How we get there remains to be seen. Is this going to ruin Nick's chance for a career he wants? Will this fuck up his graduation chances? Will he end up with a sex tape on the internet (ngl, legit worried about this last one)?

The fourth couple this applies to is Yo and Plug. Yeah. So, their relationship has been subtle, playing out in the background and aside from their very pointed break up today, we haven't gotten much detail on them... or have we? In episode three, Plug and Yo talk about Plug being at the bar so much because he's a bartender. In episode 8, Plug says that Yo flirted with him for like a month before they got together. What that says to me is, Yo hired this guy has a bartender, thought he was cute and proceeded to PERSUE HER EMPLOYEE. Now, they're broken up. Does that mean Plug no longer has a job? Is Yo out an employee as well as a boyfriend?

It's an interesting exploration of power dynamics that a lot of shows, even ones that are office/work based BLs, don't quite seem to focus on the bad outcomes of. It's literally saying this is a bad thing, it can mess up your life.

So yes, hot take: do not fuck your boss.

Tagging the Ephemerality Squad: @lurkingshan, @waitmyturtles, @wen-kexing-apologist, @chickenstrangers, @ranchthoughts, @twig-tea, @clara-maybe-ontheroad, @distant-screaming

Apologies to anyone I forgot!

[freeuselandonorris]

Honestly F1 Twitter gives me psychic damage. I don’t even follow any related accounts but because I look at the actual F1 account, the algorithm pushes fan accounts and after race weekends it’s all I see. I’ve noticed it impacts how I feel about drivers/teams. Not in the sense that the actual content changes my option but more the way stan twitter talks about them can be so annoying that it spills over to the driver?? Esp re RedBull lol

(in reference to this post)

honestly i have a begrudging respect for anyone who’s still managing to deal with twitter at all bc it looks like a fucking cesspool to me lmao. i used to use it loads but i deleted it in like 2016 and my mental health like immediately and measurably improved. and that was pre-elon!

anyway. yeah. the toxic fan culture around pretty much all drivers has negatively impacted how i feel about them at times, including some favourites/former favourites. that’s partly why i keep my following list on here so tight, because i’ve been stung in the past by ending up hating or feeling stressed by the pointlessly negative or antagonistic or just plain fuckin nuts way some people choose to engage with what’s meant to be a fun (or at least like, entertaining) hobby. idk maybe some people love the drama but i certainly don’t 🤷

the officials thing is so interesting bc yeah - ofc you want the officials overseeing things to be independent and unbiased as far as they can (and god knows the FIA have failed miserably on this count many, many, many times) but where exactly are they meant to get these independent and unbiased experts in an incredibly technical and niche area from if not…the area itself? i do think brundle (i think? maybe it was crofty) made an interesting point yesterday that F1 is one of vanishingly few professional sports where there isn’t a professional referee/umpire figure who belongs to a governing body (i’m heavily paraphrasing from memory here so apologies for any inaccuracy about how FIA stewards are certified lmao). obviously the whole area of stewarding and the rule book with something as technical as F1 is a fucking bottomless can of worms anyway and i’m def not one of these “bin the rule book and let them fight it out like REAL MEN USED TO” purists but yeah. the problem seems largely intractable bc like you say, you’re never gonna please everyone and the pundits have to find something to chat about! i just wish people online wouldn’t get so fucking aggro about it 🫠

[a-vibing-potato]

Nevermind, I'm not done ranting about HFTH tonight

I just finished episode 81 and I'm crying a little bit and am ready to cry a lot more.

First of all, I've been desperately trying to find this post lately but I can't but it was someone who said something about episode 82 or 83 I think? made them cry more than MAG 200. And... I just can't. I'm so afraid it's not even funny, but here I am and I'm like, "Are you sure 81 isn't supposed to be the sad one?!?!"

Nikignik's Outro:

I was so ready for just a chill little outro but then they pause suddenly in the middle of a sentence for like a minute straight and then just say, "This is not easy."

Like oh my gosh, Nikignik, my heart can't take this today, but then they sound like they're so close to crying (which they do a decent bit, honestly, but same, and it still gets me every time).

And when they said, "It should be easy, none of these people actually effect me and I shouldn't care about them. I've seen so many species end but it still hurts." (paraphrased but still MY HEART BROKE)

One, I still stand by my statement that Nikignik is a depression reference/symbol. Two, I see myself in Nikignik.

I care too much about these people in the Hallowoods, and I've listened to audio dramas before and it never gets easier (cue my dramatic being depressed over Hector's death earlier) and technically they're not even real but I love them all so much and I just can't????? Oh my gosh I didn't want an existential crisis tonight but maybe it's what I needed????

The very end of the outro reminds me of my day to day struggles and how even though everything seems like it's just going downhill, we have to keep moving on, and pick ourselves back up and put ourselves back together.

"Nevertheless, I will continue, in the hope that it will get better, somehow. That these vestiges of darkness will melt in the light of some new sun. That there is still a reason to fight." - Nikignik (Oh my GOSH this is so beautiful but also I'm crying but also I feel this in my SOUL)

Then they use trepidatiously as their fancy -ly adverb in the last sentence and I always love a good use of the word trepidation. :)

But then I looked ahead to the next episode, 82: Polly, Clara, and Moth. Two of my favorites (and I love you, too, Clara and the rest of Downing Hill) and the theme is Failures.

I'm really scared and really sad but also really comforted for some reason??? I didn't realize I needed someone to tell me about grief and depression and always moving forward in the hopes that things will get better but I guess I did???

Anyway, hopefully things get happier lol. You can't have light without the dark.

[salvadorbonaparte]

Hey! I recently found your blog and was wondering if you have any knowledge about the translation career? I'm in my third year of an English literature bachelor and am strongly considering becoming a translator or doing something with (literary) translation because I really love languages! Do you have any knowledge or tips about the field of work? If not, that's fine! I figured I'd ask just in case <3

Hey! Thank you for reaching out :)

I just finished the taught portion of my MA in Translation Studies and I'm preparing for my PhD so I'm not technically a professional translator yet (I'm not being paid lol).

If you love translation and can imagine yourself translating as your day job I really recommend looking into a translation master's or diploma (depending on where you are). Some countries don't really have any regulations and just let anyone become a translator but I'm very critical of that. If you're in Europe or consider studying there, consider a European Master's in Translation.

When it comes to literary translation it's really difficult to get into but it isn't impossible. I met a literary translator recently actually. There's the Emerging Translators Network and specialised degrees. I'd still recommend to look into other fields to have a backup plan (examples include video game localisation, commercial translation, medical translation, legal translation, translation technology, terminology management, project management, audio description, subtitling, surtitling, dubbing).

Some more general advice:

Learn about translation technologies. Seriously. There's a lot of fear mongering about AI but to paraphrase a translator I talked to recently: computers won't take your job but someone who can use a computer better than you might.

Be aware of the ethics of translation. I'm not only talking about the texts your translating but the way you interact with the industry. Capitalism is... Bad and if you're beginner with little experience and no degree companies might try to hire you just so they can pay you less. At the same time, professional translators won't be able to get jobs and have to lower their rates to compete. That's one of the reasons we've been pushing for better associations and why I often try to convince people to get professional training before becoming a translator.

If you want to get some ethical practice to build up your portfolio consider volunteering to subtitle/translate TED talks or join Translators Without Borders. You can also translate fan works and things like that.

If you want to get some taster sessions in what a degree in translation would look like, I have a lot of resources on translation studies in a folder in my pinned post. There is a lot of information on basic theory, strategies, technologies, audio-visual translation (which is my speciality).

If you have more questions feel free to ask them :)

[fluentmoviequoter]

And here are some stuff that reminded me of Victor (I collect these like pokemon cards now)

Me describing Victor to my bestie that didn't read the book:

Victor about himself:

Me @ you:

This is like, Victor @ Sydney trying to be a good dad teaching her important life lessons

That's it for now sorry for being insane

These are better than any Pokémon cards could even dream of being!! Thank you for sharing; I love them so much! (My thoughts are below the cut bc I got excited and they got long lol)

The first one needs a few more resurrections (which still pains me), but it’s a very accurate description! It’s could actually be a direct quote from Mitch though; Schwab let him be the one to say “the man may be a murderer who keeps dying himself, but he dresses phenomenally.”

You could have told me that the 3 about Victor were paraphrases from the books and I would have believed you. “I wouldn’t call myself quirky but there is definitely something wrong with me” is pretty much what he says after he and Eli start experimenting with becoming EOs! The one about being nonchalant reminds me of Young Justice when Robin goes “Be as chalant as you like”; Vic is very chalant.

I kinda love torturing him a little bit, so I appreciate it. Especially the sick fic, that one was fun.🤣 He deserves love sometimes but there’s also room to make everything so much worse for him.

I can ABSOLUTELY see him saying that to Sydney!! He’s still getting the hang of being a dad to his technically kidnapped kid.

[foxymoxynoona]

"I love talking about writing but can you clarify for me, do you mean how to write in the different points of view? Or how to move between them (like with internal thoughts)? Or am I misunderstanding something else? ☺️"

it's exactly those two things foxy, sorry for not making it clear I think it was my translator

-anon

Oh geez there's soooo much to say so I'll just focus on a couple specifics and if you have more questions, I'm around for more :)

I think no matter what, it's important to remember that your narrator is a character, even if they aren't a named character in the story. The choices you make about what the narrator knows and tells the reader, and how, should remain consisten. If you want a narrator that is more like a character (or even first person the character!) then there should be more personality and bias, whereas the further in third person you get, there should be more objectiity. i see people struggle with this sometimes, where they write a close first person narrator but then have them omnisciently know things the other character is thinking or feeling. They can observe and guess but they can't actually read minds!

I personally like writing close third person best because you get to be a little objective in the narration but still point things out to the reader about what the main character is experiencing, and use those observations (whether right or wrong) to develop the character. When i write in that POV, I try to remain true to what that character would notice --so for example JK may not notice much about his girl's outfit but he may notice that it's low cut or tight lol, he notices smells a lot but not very normal mundane Korean things in a scene that someone like Sasha would because they are different/interesting to her. I lean into a lot of internal monologue very fluidly when I write this, and I tend to use italics to let readers know when something is a direct thought of the character rather than a narrated or paraphrased thought, and done in a close way that lets the reader understand they are sliding back and forth between a very close third person narrator who, for that section, also has limited (but not totally blocked) view into the other characters.

Second person is big in fandom and it's a funny one. Technically second person doesn't have to be actual read insert, it just means you are forcing the reader to embody the main character in a more overt way than in first person (where you are riding shotgun, but now you are sitting behind the wheel though not necessarily driving.) I think there's something powerful, done well, about using that tool to make the readers do or confront things that push their world view or understanding of themself and what they would really do, or allow them to escape the confines of their true self for a bit... but what I think is important in fandom to realize is that if something is a self-insert second person, you have to be more mindful about how you "code" this character. There's an expectation that you are writing more of a blank slate that the reader can insert their real true self in, and every thing you write whether it's action, thought, or physical description, is likely to alient some subset of your readers. Things you don't even realize wil be coded for height, weight, hair type, social interactions, etc etc. But a truly blank slate character will have no thoughts or actions they could take because nothing is actually universal! So it's a really tricky writing challenge for anything loner than just a scene or drabble.

As for internal monologue, the method should depend on what pov you're writing. If you're in first person, the distinction tends to be that an internal thought is what the narrator was thinking at the time they are telling you about, because otherwise the whole story is internal thought! For third, like I said I like to use italics. I think it gets tedious if every line is he thought, she though, he mused, he wondered. It also allows you to do some nice comedic set ups in third person where the narrator points out something very objectively clear to the reader and then the narrated character has a really idiotic and wrong internal thought 😂 I try to only use he thought as a qualifier when there hasn't been any internal monologue for a while so you're reminding the reader, or also as a subtle nudge to the reader of hey he is thinking this but it's just a thought, not my objective narration, and it may not actually be true.

Ok that's a lot :) I hope any of that was useful or interesting and happy to chat about anything else, it's fun to talk about!

[reflections-in-a-critical-eye]

Your last Anon was really interesting. I won’t pretend to be smart enough to pick up all of their points, but they did get me thinking. Even if JImin had no intention of creating an image that had the double drag style that some of us see, does that technically matter? Art finds meaning in the act of being reviewed, considered and interpreted. Jimin’s intentions become secondary or potential unimportant in the act of interpretation and creation of meaning.

The other thing I considered is re the comments around Jimin’s inherent looks, that no matter what Jimin’s look is, it would involve some femininity because of his features. I mean, I may have misinterpreted that and I don’t necessarily see that as true for Jimin. I don’t see his features this way. But assuming this, or taking say, Taemin in his gender neutral looks where he’s often mistaken as female-presenting, can we really erase how we interpret what we see? Just because it’s understood as existing already/impossible to cover up, doesn’t mean it’s unintentional (in Taemin’s case it’s often 100% intentional by him or creative directors) or that we should disregard it in interpretation because it’s some sort of thing that can’t be helped. Minho once said ‘Taemin is pretty as it is/it can’t be helped’ (paraphrase) but also that he’s prettier than all girl idols. And that’s not me wedging in a ship comment, lol. Just because something can’t be helped (arguable considering his attempt at masculine phase pre solo) doesn’t mean it can’t be considered within the continuum it it points to. So, if Jimin has feminine features, we can still interpret how they’re styled and emphasised instead of hidden.

I completely agree with the first part of your ask re interpretation of art. That has always been my position and will be when it comes to artistic acts. Meaning is always created through interpretation because we are not passive receivers. And as to those who create and who are in the position of putting something out there, even or especially in cases which have to do with their self expression, I believe they are aware or must at some point accept that once it's out into the world, they have no longer total control over it. I also find that a work that opens the door to multiple interpretations proves its value.

As to your second point, I think you explained a bit better what I was trying to point out for the previous anon, by using the different photoshoots. It's about intentionality, as you also exemplified with Taemin's case. I think with Jimin's portfolio and other instances, he's aware of his features, of his body, of how he dresses that body, in order to create a self for a particular situation/purpose. And with Jimin, we're not seeing this only in situations that point out to a more female-presenting look, but also when he was trying to create a hyper-masculinity (thanks for reminding me of that, btw). He uses his face and his body as a canvas, in which he can look more typically masculine or moving towards a more feminine look, regardless of what is already preexisting. I might actually dare to say that in performances/photoshoots he gets the space in which he is able to accentuate the part of himself that he wants and there's an entire spectrum of gender performances that take place and not just moving between masculinity and femininity. And this can open up the questions of how/why/when he chooses to emphasize a part within himself. To what purpose in that particular instance? I think Jimin is aware of this sort of chameleon-like nature he has and he's using it all the time. We're just left to try and understand or at least examine what ends up as the result of that.

[criticalperi0d]

About love and life, feeling wistful.

Rainy Sunday afternoon, thinking, thinking, thinking. How did I let myself get here? Why am I punishing myself for being human? Also, I think I learnt a lot about myself, I wouldn´t have if I hadn´t gotten here in the first place. I’m listening to this video essay about casual relationships, so whatever I say next is me paraphrasing what I´m learning from it until I clarify otherwise. The author Bell Hooks tells us that love nowadays is kinda doomed (and has always been) by patriarchy, it is all about control, she says that the lie that patriarchy tells us is that there needs to be a one for one sort of thing, there is a dominator and a dominated, she talks a lot about power and dominance, and how people that are interested in those kind of relationships are willing to forego love to be in control. Bell Hooks says “Ultimately the woman will become weary of being tested, and end the relationship, thus, reenacting the abandonment, this drama confirms for many men that they cannot put their love and trust, they decide that it is better to put their faith in being powerful and being dominant, in Man Enough Frank Pitman says of men that ‘while most of us want to be loved, controllers are willing to forego love if that is what it takes to be the boss, being the boss does not require any men to be emotionally healthy, able to give and receive love’.”.

Why does power and control keep getting brought up? Because it all comes down to one thing: ego. It is a personality trait, consistent within systems of repressions, like patriarchal capitalist hegemonic imperialism, good God. The nerve of going somewhere and being like this is not the right way of doing things because it´s not the way I do them. I just got here and somebody has to be in control and I am going to be in control. There is no humility, no empathy, no vulnerability no deference, and when none of that is there, how do you actually create meaningful relationships with other people? About to get hippie here, how do you create real long-lasting meaningful connections with others, if your idea of “connection” isn´t connection but is control? That near enemy concept, the near enemy of connection is control, you are trying to connect with others, but instead you are trying to control the situation, you want to be on charge, want to be on top, you want to make sure that no matter what, you are safeguarded, and that correlates to fear response, fear. Let´s pretend it has nothing to do with fear but it´s all about ego, this is how things are and this is how I protect myself, and how I safeguard my beliefs and my values, it literally goes back to fear lol.

Now, going back to what I was saying before paraphrasing what I got from that analysis by Khadija Mbowe, me, Jan, I think that in general any kind of romance-involved-so-called-situationships as we call them nowadays, are rooted in fear, fear of getting hurt, but this fear literally goes back to the patriarchy, I´m thankful for being a woman, if shit is complicated for us, keeping in mind we can see through this hectic system I can´t imagine being a man that is trapped in it and can´t see the reality of things. The only thing we can do is be aware of this and hope for the best sadly, finding a man that is decent and has not been affected by it. Or a smart emotionally intelligent one that has decided to step away from it, but honestly I see that with the many possibilities of a situation in the second conditional, technically it is not impossible, but might as well be. But still possible though, in the meantime let´s continue focusing on ourselves, feeding our souls m our brains, we still have love to give and receive, doesn´t have to be romantic, if one is surrounded by love why focus on the one type we don´t have? It is literally ridiculous. I really appreciate the love I have in my life, I love my family and my friends so much, I love learning, I love my teachers for teaching me amazing things, I love my students even though they drive me crazy, I love myself even though I can be weird sometimes it is what makes me be me. I love laughing with my friends, I love giving them small details to remind them of my love for them. I love my life even though I can be in situations that make me feel sad sometimes because I learn a lot about myself, about life from them, I enjoy being kind, I love seeing acts of kindness from others because it keeps m faith in humanity, I believe in good. I love taking care of myself, once I remind myself all of that, how can I keep focusing on the bad? Yes I may be feeling a little wistful right now, but I now know that I need to let myself feel that, everything in life is temporary, everything. The key is to feel, feel, feel. Really take everything in, take everything in our lives into account, and life will feel different, better, complex but good. Thanks for reading this, hope it made sense.

[seijatachiis]

just another queer journey for pride month

so i figured since its pride month and its been basically a decade since i started my queer journey id just talk about it. especially bc theres been recent changes too!

my name is al and im nonbinary, they/them! mm well im asexual so i guess im technically panromantic? maybe demiromantic? ngl im still not sure but ill get to that. its also been about a year since i met my bf whos a transman and we often talk a lot about gender and sexuality.

like most people my journey started in high school. i had been reading BL fanfics for bands i liked around the end of elementary school and i think i was aware of transmen and transwomen. i really didnt know more than the basics, lesbian/gay/bi/transman/transwomen. someone i met in hs, an old friend, is the one who opened the door. at first obviously he didnt know me so he just told me to call him a very gender neutral sounding name and they/them. and that was the first time i had heard about someone using they/them pronouns. eventually he came out and said no im a trans so he/him? then he was basically like are YOU actually a woman?

obviously im paraphrasing bc honestly i dont remember much from how it started exactly or the exact conversation but i rememer looking into it a little and the next day i said i dont think im really a woman. i started using they/them pronouns and decided i was demigirl. i was kinda a tomboy when i was younger but it was more i just liked pokemon and the boys always had more interesting things but i liked "girly" things a little bit. i never really felt like i wanted or wished i was a man.

it might be because ive been using they/them for so long now but i got used to them quickly and they just felt so right. i didnt really focus too hard on what i identified as tho i was demigirl until uni. i remember this because i met a person who at the time was also demigirl. hes a transman now, which is great. im not sure but at some point in 2019 i think i realized i was nonbinary. i think it mightve happened when- im not out in real life. fear mostly but also bc i dont really care about other people, as long as those i care about know im nonbinary and use they/them i dotn care too much. anyways i remember being on break at work, my boss came in and was talking to my supervisor, just a "hey whats happening today" and was like "is she ready for her aquafit" and im like listening and im like oh whos doing aquafit.

it was me lol. he was talking about me. was so confused bc i dont usually hear people talking about me so i dont hear myself being referred to as she anymore. anyways its really not much to it. i did briefly try he/him in high school and the first time my friend used it i was like nope thats wrong nope.

i dont...think i really experienced gender dysphoria. or body dysphoria. i have issues with my body and an extreme disconnect to it but thats tied more to the general societal standards of beauty and less about my gender?

gender was never really the problem. my sexuality - more specifically if i was aromantic or not, has been the thing ive been struggling with and ive realized i never . solved it yet.

im p sure im panromantic/pansexual whatever, gender doesnt much matter to me bc ive always been more about if we get along. we gotta vibe yknow? the bf and i, our first date... the vibes were there. well i didnt feel the romantic vibes it was more just we definitely get along. im getting sidetracked and this is already super super long.

that same friend asked me if i was aroace. i didnt know what that meant, he explained it and i was like huh. maybe i am? i dont really recall ever having a crush on anyone or liking anyone. ive definitely not had sexual desire for anyone. but i just figured thats bc i havent liked anyone. so yeah i was aroace. a few years later i would rethink that.

because i forgot how insecure i am. and im thinking...there might have been two guys i had a crush on when i was younger but because i knew they'd never like me like that, i pushed the feelings so far down so maybe . maybe im not aro.

ill be honest, its been way too long now - i still dont know if i had a crush on them. but this is because i dont understand what that means. blah blah parental trauma but i had some stunted emotional growth and so im not great at emotions. i would flip flop between am i aro or have i just not met anyone i like yet? because i do have high walls. i dont let people in easily.

but i would daydream about having a partner. but it was never really about me liking them i just wanted them to like ME. i want people to like me. bc it was never the same person, generally whoever showed me a little extra attention that week but then id easily forget them. and i never. really wanted to date them. bc honestly i only ever pictured love confessions, never what itd be like after.

i met my bf on hinge. i fuck around on dating apps mostly bc im bored and wanna bother people, i rarely meet up with them i just spout some new random facts and im intentionally being weird. so i swiped on him first bc he had some nonsense in his profile i wanted to debate about. he said hey we're kinda hitting it off do you wanna go on a date? i said sure lets go to the thrift shop bc i was looking for a gift for my friend when i went to visit her in europe in a few weeks lol. i was really just using him for a ride to the thrift shop bc i dont own a car.

my god we hit it off and i remember thinking "id love to be friends with him hes so cool and fun to be around". i think it had to be a dating app. i dont think id ever have gotten a partner otherwise, because you kinda go into dating apps with the intention to find romance (unless you're me). he knows this but i didnt actually start to like him romantically till AFTER we started dating. i had to think very hard about it, im not entirely sure if this is what romantic feelings are supposed to feel like - i have to assume they are.

but we're happy and i had to do a lot of thinking to determine if i love him but i can say now for sure i love him. but idk if i can call that timeline long enough to really say im demi-romantic? idk if theres a specific time limit, maybe i am. it definitely took hm since we first met uh two months before i really started to like him romantically which honestly sounds normal to me.

so yeah thats not quite resolved but i dont care to find anyone else. but then. then comes the asexuality part. i originally way back in hs was like yeah im ace. whilst debating my aro problems i kinda always figured once i liked someone id probably be sexually attracted to them too. i get horny, surely that means im not ace.

yeah. i learned thats not the case. since sexuality is about being sexually attracted to a person, you can get Horny but not be sexually attracted to anyone. i put so much research into asexuality. a lot. it caused me more stress than anything i think bc now i had to tell him. that was . very anxiety inducing bc the first time i tried to tell him i nearly got a panic attack. this is knowing he'd be totally fine with it too, that he'd be accepting.

im just. not that interested in sex. i get horny but i dont really do much about it. i read smut bc its fun and bc its easier to deal with angsty fics when theres smth to distract you lol. CANT HURT ME IF THERES DICK TO FOCUS ON!!

i wont rule out that i might be demisexual. i might change my mind, i might not. i know my bf accepts me either way. but yeah thats my queer journey. its mostly me thinking. because i dont really have any experience with anything, im not a social person lol. but i also dont understand emotions and feelings all too well, so thinking only really got me so far. i always learned better by doing.

if you made it this far, thank you for reading! im always open to making new friends so i think my dms are open or whatever it is, but yeah :3

[aerelin]

Questioning Tumblr Ethics just before I sleep. Basically: there's an option to opt-out of being included in AI Scraping (which I have learned is actually illegal in European Countries but I guess the EU hasn't slapped Tumblr on the wrist for this), but TOS still states that Tumblr has the right to do absolutely whatever the fuck they want with anything you post.

Compare this to the scare a few years back with DeviantArt's TOS:

Paraphrasing, DeviantArts TOS stated in what may have been a poorly worded section that "we can't be held responsible if your content is stolen by third parties outside of DeviantArt's reach", and this was misinterpreted to being something like "we have all the rights to use your content without permission" of course, paraphrasing, but when reading the TOS yourself it was clear (despite being poorly worded) that they were indeed denouncing(?) Responsibility certain uses of hosted art, the unclear part was who was using the art in the art theft basically. I dunno this was a good few years back, I haven't seen the post since maybe like 2018.

But the scary thing is that Tumblr is NOT being vague or poorly worded in their TOS and how they can just do whatever the fuck they want with your content. If you make a viral hit post like the fuckin shoelaces from the Prez meme, they can make money off it without your permission and without monetary compensation for creating the meme for them basically. And I recall them not only selling the shoelaces meme idea as actual shoelaces, but several people were stating that they not only did not ask permission but didn't even monetarily compensate the original creators behind that post.

And that's okay in accordance to the Tumblr TOS.

From my understanding of the following screenshot of the section I'm referring to in the TOS:

That's allowed because it helps promote the services and, through them acquiring money and payments, helps improve the service (or so we'd wish they would lol).

That is to say that even if we opt out of AI scraping (which is extremely evil of Staff to make it Opt-Out and not Opt-In. They know they're catching the hundreds of fanart blogs that haven't logged in in years. They know they're catching literally thousands of deactivated blogs that technically no longer exist as profiles but their POSTS all still exist and by default they have access to scraping their posts because those posts *still* exist and the original Poster doesn't exist in order to Opt that content OUT of being scraped (could be misunderstanding this technicality of deactivated blogs but this does make more sense to me than staff being nice and like "oh we won't include deactivated blogs uwuuu" leave)), with Tumblr having some shitty AI service deal, they could really just argue that they can STILL! Scrape our content if the AI is used on Tumblr itself or somehow Benefits Tumblr in any manner. Because that's considered appropriate use of our content in the TOS regardless of AI involvement.

I may be overreacting, but either way I think this AI partnership bullshit is just that. It's actual fucking Bullshit. Those blogs I no longer remember the password for are all fair game for AI scraping and even if I remember the password I know I'm still at risk for my content being used however the fuck Tumblr wants to.

AND THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN like, a third party stealing content and Tumblr doing all this is that, third parties can be DMCAd. Tumblr has your permission to use anything you post for monetary gain simply by you signing up and using their services. And sure, they state this in the TOS. we agree to it. Technically they saved their ass here because we AGREE to this by using their platform. But just because they put this in TOS and therefore "we are not the bad guys, we told you clearly", does not mean this is all scummy and shady and simply a jerkass move.

[tacostrufflestragedies]

I feel like I've written this so many times today lol. But yes she did reply. She wrote a pretty long response but I'll paraphrase. She really values my friendship and thinks I'm a genuine and wonderful person. She has a lot going on right now and needs time to make something of her life. For some other reasons which I'll keep private, she's not looking for any relationship right now or possibly ever. But her sorta official answer at the end of her response was "not today but I'm not opposed to the idea". She wants me to continue dating and added a little note about planning to move to Scotland with her friend in a couple years, it seems like she's holding on to that as the big adventure, the big change, that will help her advance in her life and feel fulfilled.

Technically it is a no. I understand and I'm still her friend first and foremost so I'll continue to support her however I can. I'm definitely sad she didn't want something more with me but I think I'm more sad to see her struggling and that I can't do more to help. But someone close to me said that just being her friend is likely helping, so I will hold on to that.

I'm gonna continue being her friend of course, I just need to figure out the best way to go about this. My feelings for her are unlikely to fade quickly but I think being her friend for so long will make it somewhat easier to pivot back to that and reframe things in my head. I think limiting the time I spend with her is a good idea. I'll probably keep our Saturday WoW time but during the week maybe two days a week, and I just only talk to her then. I'll figure out. I want this to work. She's a good friend and a great person and I'd hate to lose her from my life.

[maespri]

thank you for adding on! good to know the percentages at least make sense in the sense of adding up to 100. my response got kind of long so i'm adding another cut, lol, but here are my thoughts:

i like your view on this. personally, if i had to pick a theory, i would say the percents are totally just there to screw with the death game players. i don't think they hold any weight at all. like you said, some of them just don't even make sense, like kurumada's being high but him dying instantly, or shin's being zero but him surviving for so long. but it also definitely could make sense like you said, considering some of the stronger characters have the higher percentages. either way, whenever you do formulate your thoughts on that, i'd love to hear about it!

back to sara's percent: her minisode and seeing how intense she can become definitely made me understand with her high percentage, and joe being the one who pulls her out of it then also makes it make sense- but i actually don't think 15.5% is her handicapped percentage.

like i said in the post, joe and nao don't have AI's in the main room with all the other AI's in chapter two, which makes me think they weren't part of the AI runs, and which would therefore make sara's 15.5% on the sheet insignificant, because it doesn't account for joe as a handicap. this simple thing makes every person's percentage unreliable (my "throw a banana in a vegetable smoothie" analogy), in fact. and i know joe does have an AI in the rubble room at the end of chapter 2- but we technically don't have any proof that that AI was created by asunaro, nor that it was part of the AI runs, nor that it was even created prior to the games. joe's AI brings up a lot of questions for me, actually, but that's a whole other can of worms.

my working theory and speculation is actually that joe and nao were never supposed to be part of the death game.

we hear about sara needing a handicap because she would otherwise become too powerful, but part of me thinks that asunaro actually just pulled that out of their ass, and it makes sense to me for two reasons.

the first being that joe was at sara's house when she was kidnapped for the death game. i think she was the primary target, and when they realized joe was in the house, they were like, oh fuck, now we have to deal with this guy, and they just took him as well and put him in there because leaving him free would be too dangerous. obviously they may have planned for her to have another partner- but i don't think that partner was supposed to be joe. it may have even been ryoko. but that's all speculation- moving on.

the second reason being that sara is incredibly driven and powerful, yes- but i think she was only told she became (paraphrasing, but from what i remember) "violent" and "killed everyone" and "unstoppable" in the AI runs in order to fuck with her head. sara is strong, yes, but she clearly doesn't want to hurt anyone in the death game.

now, tell this girl who is already insecure about how intense she can become- shown by how she acts in her minisode- that she became a killing machine in the AI runs? that's going to make her feel awful. it's going to exacerbate her guilt about joe dying; they basically told her joe is only in this game because of her, which therefore makes it her fault. her high percentage is also going to instill distrust in all her allies.

it's a win-win for asunaro and midori, who are looking to cause chaos and violence, and a lose-lose for sara and co., who are desperately holding on to what little trust and humanity they have left.

still branching off of this, i don't believe asunaro was telling the whole truth, because while sara is capable of this strength and has a strong desire to win, she can actually pull herself out of it. in her flashback during kendo with ryoko, she eventually realizes what she's done. alongside this, she feels terrible about it. even in the present in her minisode, she still hasn't forgiven herself for this small event.

i think she's capable of violence and capable of doing terrible things to win- but that's just the thing. everyone is capable of this.

every human is capable of unspeakable things in desperate situations. sara is no exception, but she has something some people don't, which is the ability to reflect and realize that she's hurting someone, that she's being too intense, that she needs to stop.

while i certainly believe sara won in some of asunaro's AI test runs, i don't think she was one of the top contenders like the percentage sheet says. she's capable of great empathy, compassion, and connection, even in kendo, even in the death game, even after joe dies.

another thing i want to note- joe stops sara in the minisode, but i actually... can't really think of a time he stops her during the first chapter? i mean, please do correct me if i'm wrong, because i very well could be. but i don't think there are any clear moments where sara is doing something bad to someone and joe has to stop her. in fact, i think it's almost vice-versa; at the beginning of chapter 1, when joe is being super distrustful of everyone, isn't sara the one who tells him to be less distrustful?

so, to summarize all that? i really, truly, think asunaro just wanted to fuck with her head and cause chaos. and i think they succeeded.

this also all ties in to what you said at the end there, though, and something i completely agree with: it isn't really joe that stops her, it's love. not even just for him, though i do agree with that. but love for everyone. it's like i said before, a big theme in this game: humans are inherently good. humans want to trust people. we want to get along with them. we want to love others. "but love is a double-edged sword" is perhaps one of the best things i've read in relation to this game.

all in all, it just comes down to the percents definitely being rigged in some way.

anyway, thank you for sharing your thoughts, and if i'm wrong about anything or if there's anything else anyone has to add, please feel free to!!!

i keep thinking about how strange the percentage sheets are in your turn to die. so. here’s my thought dump. everything under the cut.

spoiler warning for the whole game, just in case…

so. from my understanding, they’re based off of the AI test runs of the death game, or off of the characters personalities prior to being put in the death game. but how exactly would either of those things work?

for starters, if they’re based off the AI runs, then the percentages instantly become unreliable the moment any uncontrolled variable enters the death game. in this case, that would be joe and (if im remembering correctly) nao. joe and nao presumably were not part of the test runs, considering the fact that neither character had an AI made for them in chapter 2 (besides joe, technically, but he wasn’t part of the main panel, so… he’s up in the air). therefore, the fact that they are in the death game instantly makes the percentages null. it’s like throwing a slice of banana into a smoothie full of vegetables- it may seem small, but now the entire composition of the smoothie is totally different.

literally every characters percentage could be different based on the sole fact that joe and nao are in the death game. you might assume it would only really affect sara or mishima, but this isn’t true at all- from big questions, such as who would’ve picked up the sacrifice cards in chapter 1 and 2?- to small questions, like… in chapter 1, would sara have ever even opened that door under the bar that shin couldn’t get open if joe hadn’t done it?

we’ve heard that sara’s percentage was only so high because in every run, she would do terrible things to win, becoming increasingly violent with sole interest in self preservation. so joe was put in to be a handicap for her. but, once again, this makes her percentage- you guessed it- inaccurate! it would presumably be considerably lower with joe there.

if the percentages are based on the characters personalities prior to the death game test runs, based on what asunaro has gathered from watching these people for forever, i think that actually only makes them even more inaccurate. that means the percentages are entirely based on assumption. just because sara can be an intense person, does not mean she would have the highest chance of winning. similarly, just because shin is weaker than a newborn baby, doesn’t necessarily mean he would have a 0% chance of winning.

so, here’s my thing with the percentages. i think either way, it fails to consider one of the games overarching themes, and a topic i could go into extreme detail on in another post: humans are inherently good. and inherently very unpredictable. and AI can never replicate that, no matter how accurate asunaro’s data may be on these people. they can run the AI death game a million times, but the robot versions of each person cannot perfectly simulate how a real human would genuinely act in such a situation. this is also because AI can imitate fear and desperation, but it cannot actually feel it, and i’d argue feeling is the driving force behind every decision characters make in this game.

another thing i want to note is the concept of zero probability and impossibility, which basically just means the chance of something happening can never be 0%. anything can happen. and that means that in at least one simulation of the AI death games, each character won, even if it was only 1 time out of 1 billion runs. which means that shin’s percentage absolutely could not be 0%.

it does the beg the question of why asunaro made the AI’s at all, because if they put that much effort into them, i don’t think they would A) make their data totally unreliable by throwing in unknown variables during the real thing, or B) run all those death games tests and collect the data. i honestly think the AI’s were solely to impede the characters.

this isn’t to fault the game at all, however- in fact, i think the percentage sheet is incredibly genius if only for the amount of chaos it causes. it’s a completely unreliable piece of information, and yet shin sees it and thinks, “15% versus my 0%… ok, this seventeen year old girl is my WORST enemy now…”

another thing that i’m too lazy to figure out for myself rn but is a question i had- do the percentages even add up to 100? because i don’t think they do. which begs the question of what they’re actually out of. sara has a 15% chance of winning, out of… 100? out of 20? out of 50? out of 1000? i know percentages don’t have to add up to 100, but it just adds to the unreliableness. technically, we don’t know what these percentages are measured out of.

i guess my overarching point here is just that the percentages sheet is really interesting, and simultaneously really useless and unreliable. but that’s what makes it so interesting. i think it instills a feeling of dread and uncertainty in the player seeing how low certain percentages for other characters are, or maybe it instills confidence and superiority seeing how high sara’s is. either way, it definitely helps you understand why shin acts the way he does once you figure out he’s known about the sheet from the beginning.

anyway. that’s it. i’m sure someone else has talked about this or everyone knew about it blah blah blah but. whatever i had fun writing it out. Peace and love

[vargaslovinghours]

Desires? You should know better than that

[smiledog15578]

OK BUT CAN WE TALK ABOUT LIKE... who the real villain is in wkm?

I think we all know who it is it’s pretty obvious it’s the house but I honestly think we don’t talk about it often? Literally that’s the mf who’s the real bastard here. ITS THEORY TIME 😼

While actor Mark is an asshole and technically a villain he wasn’t like like that before. Hell he was a generous man helping his friends and was a loved man. When Celine left his ass he was venerable af and the entity was like “TIME TO MANIPULATE THIS MAN FOR MY OWN GAIN” and made him the asshole the way that he is now. I think actor Mark thinks that he’s in control oh shit because he might of been told that but really the house is pulling the strings and making him believe that. He’s literally just about chess piece to use for this evil game of chess (lol analogy)

I’d also like to point out that Celine might of left actor because the house told her to. At the time actor wasn’t vulnerable especially with having a good life with his wife and having an outstanding career and the house probably didn’t like that. So in order to make him weak it took the only thing that he lived at the time, Celine. Another reason she left was because of bad vibes. That house is just infested with bad juju and Celine being a seer noticed that over time but back then since it was kinda discouraged to divorce especially for a women to do it luckily William knew and took her in. William has lived in the same house actor lived so I’m guessing he’s aware of the evil it contains since when he gets turned into Wilford hell even during wkm he isn’t weirded out by the things happening to the house and other weird shit. He was trying to protect Celine. Now again I just wanna say the adultery doesn’t excuse it still a shitty thing to do and William is still a stubborn a hole just as much as actor.

HOWEVER this situation is like novel: The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald (1925). (Btw if you don’t want spoilers skip this) in the book, daisy cheats with Gatsby behind Tom’s (daisy’s husband) back because like I said either during those times it was shunned for women to divorce their husbands and during those days women weren’t really independent back then. They were VERY pressured to get married and have children etc etc. Tom was an asshole to daisy and was even cheating on her but of course men and women back then had double standards where women couldn’t or should do this and same went for men. and I’m not saying that Celine didn’t love actor cause I’m sure they did love each other so much but it kinda explains why she left him other than just because. I also don’t think Celine was necessarily abusive nor do I think actor was at the time. Things got heated and the only scapegoat was to leave him and never return to that house again.

Another thing on my tiny pea sized brain is about the houses world. I have a theory that the house has created a universe inside it while Everything out side it is the original universe (or just our reality idk). This is why George (the groundskeeper) doesn’t appear in any of the new videos is because he wasn’t in the house during all this mess (in the character world idk if the actor for George just didn’t wanna be in the series but then you have to wonder why his portrait isn’t up in the hallway dark made in AHWM). You can think of the house as if it’s a movie set or a green screen. To us and the actors we see these worlds and weird shit when in reality there’s nothing there. Nobody actually dies in this universe because like movies no one actually dies they’re just not on the set. Even the side characters don’t really die cause us as the viewers revive them be just rewatching the video. Wilford knows people won’t die because 1. He’s seen his friend get up and walk around after being dead and 2. He knows that when people “die” they just come back by the help of your Or the entity. He acknowledges that in AHWM where he states that we can PAUSE the video. Almost none of the characters except Wilford has acknowledged that which makes me think he’s a lot smarter the we think or just has more common sense. Wilford is forgetful sure but that doesn’t mean he’s stupid he was a colonel for crying out loud one of the highest ranks in the US army lol. I’d like to also point out that Wilford uses this set ordeal to his advantage most importantly. In WKM we see William do it too by appearing one place then teleporting to another place. Kinda think of the house as the 3rd dimension. Wilford “escapes” that dimension to a new plane and can come back when in reality he’s just leaving what the house is previewing to everyone in the house. Everyone else In this universe except maybe actor, Wilford, and dark know that you don’t have to play along. These people in the houses universe are programmed to believe that they can’t escape have HAVE to play a character.

(Spoilers for wandavision) when I watched wandavision not that long ago it made me think about the MCU (not marvel cinematic universe😏✨ MARKIPLIER cinematic universe) and how it’s kinda like that. Wanda in the show creates this force field out of grief where everything inhabits it is turned into her liking of what fits the narrative. People are being held hostage to just play a part in Wandas sick tv show SHES made for her and her husband. People outside the forcefield are just normal people but once they put a person, object, etc it gets turned into what WANDA wants. I think that fits into the mcu because the house is EXACTLY like that. These mfs haven’t aged at all because time isn’t existing for their universe. Abe thinks that he’s been tracing down William for years but Mark said that “he thinks that but really wmlw is right after wkm” (that’s paraphrasing go watch the wmlw to get a better explanation LMAO) but like I said the house makes you feel like it’s been only years or days but it’s not even close to that.

With that all being said I don’t think anyone here is the real villain here or the hero. Like Mark said They’re all human which they have bad and good traits the only thing that’s the real asshole is the house. It’s like it’s a living breathing purgatory that creates chaos

BUT THATS JUST A THEORY

A GAME- or a youtube .. YouTube theory? YEA A YOUTUBE THEORY!

now mind you I’m not the best at writing so I’m sorry that none of this made sense feel free to correct me or chime in with your theories but I just wanted to share my theories and ideas :) and if you made it those far I’m sorry I wasted ur time HSJSJDJJSJD