#paranoid store
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This fuckin' nonsense...
#daniel johnston#brian wilson#syd barrett#elliot smith#nick drake#kurt cobain#paranoid store#paranoid#the joker#everyone knew me#poetry is not dead#poetry is alive#poetry is life#poetry is my therapy#poetry ish#poetry on tumblr#poetry of tumblr#poetry#poetry on life#poetry of the day#captainpirateface#bipolardepression#chemicalimbalance#wtf#captainpiratefacelovesyou#sighthsandsoundsofinstagram#sights and sounds of tumblr#poem#original poets on tumblr#poets corner
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OOH YEAH BABY ITS THE SURGERY EPISODE BABY!!! ME AND THE HOMIES NEED SOME NEW FACES FOR OUR NEW PLAN, AND WHO BETTER TO GET THE JOB DONE THAN THE TWO MOST EVIL PEOPLE WE'VE EVER HAD THE MISFORTUNE OF HAVING OUR LIVES VIOLATED BY? I MEAN IT WOULD BE FUNNY. IT WOULD BE FUNNY.
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#cw blood#cw gore#jrwi suckening#jrwi suckening spoilers#vex waylin#viv waylin#MY FAVORIT EP!! HAVNT SEEN IT IN FOREVER THO BC WELL. IM BUSY. SO BEAR W ME IM RUNNIN OFF ALOTTA MEMORY FUMES#ALSO EDIT BC FUUUCK I HADMORE TAGS BUT TUMBLR FUCKEN ATE EM. OH WELL. MY DMS R OPEN IF U WANNA UNLOCK RAMBLES.#I LOVE THE WAYLIN TWINS SSSOO FUCKING MUCH IM SO!!! CURIOUS ABOUT THEM!!! WHO WERE THEY WHEN THEY WERE HUMAN? HOW LONGVE THEY BEEN ARND?#I LOVE IT WHEN PPL SAY ITS LIKE THESE TWO WERE MADE FOR MMEE BC YES!! YES!! ITS EVERYTHING I COULD EVER WANT FROMA CHARACTER!!!#I LOVE THEIR RED WHITE N BLACK COLOR SCHEME. I LOVE HOW THEYRE BOTH SO INTELLIGENT AND GENIUS N YET THEYRE DUMB AS FUUUUCK#COOOMICAL SUPER VILLAINS. OOH ILL GET YOU NEXT TIME SHAMIA SHAMAI!!! HOW DARE YOU FOIL MY PLAN!! MY PLANS OF MUTILATING AWAKE N ALIVE PPL#COMICAL AND YET. GENUINELY HORRIFYING. VIV CAN MAKE UR BONES EXPLODE JUST BY THINKING ABOUT IT. VEX CAN BECOME SOUP#WHY DONT WE TALK ABOUT THAT MORE? THE TURNING INTO RED MEAT SLIME?? METAL AS FUUUCK. I ALSO LOVE HOW SCARED THEY GOT SO QUICKLY#THIS LIL FUCKEN RRRRRAT COMES IN. AND WELL. HES JUST LIKE ALL THE OTHERS. WE FUCK HIM UP N TOSS HIM INTO THE SUN N LET HIM BURN#SURE HE HAD ONE MORE TRICK OF REBELLION UP HIS SLEEVE BUT THE SUN HAS TAKEN HIM NOW. ITS FINE. WE'RE FINE. HEY IS THERE SMTH IN THE CEILING#OHHH WE KILLED HIM ONCE N HE CAME BACK. WE KILLED HIM AGAIN N TOOK HIM APART BUT THEN HES BACK?? HE GETS AWAY AND THEN. COMES BACK. AGAIN.#WE CANT GET RID OF HIM. THAT FOUL SHAMIA SHAMAI. A MOUSE IN OUR KITCHEN. FUUUUCK HES GONNA SPREAD DISEASE! KILL IT! KILL IT!! AAAUUGH FUCK!#I LOVE THAT THE WAYLIN TWINS AGREED TO HELP THE BLONDE TWINS MOSTLY ON THE BASIS OF 'IT WOULD BE FUNNY' BUT ALSO#OOHHH WE ARE SO CLOSE TO REACHING SOMETHING TO MAKE HIM NNEEVER FUCK WITH US AGAIN. HIS ILLUSIONS WILL HAUNT US NO LONGER#THEY WERE SSSOOO PARANOID W ALL THE CAMERAS AND BOMBING THEIR OWN LAB AND RUNNING AND RUNNING AND GETTING AWWAY FROM THIS FUCKEN! MOUSE!!!!#OHHHH I THINK IM RUNNIN OUTA ROOM so ill talk about da art real quick.BEEN WORKIN ON THIS FOR A WHIIILE.ALOTTA THESE were started when the#ep came out.so OLD!! BUT DONE!!and im very very happy w my colors n gore n EXPRESSIONS!! the top right corner comic keeps making me chuckle#I ALSO rly love the lil convo between arthur n viv.theyre SO CUTE TOGETHERR they should go ona museum date together or somethin#they need more time to just talk abt da World together.ALSO CAN I BE PETTY.I MADE ARTHUR UGLY CORRECT-STYLE#THESE BOYS KNOW NOTHING OF UGLY.I MADE THE VAMPIRIC FLESH EVOLVE N ROT N BLOSSOM AND THERE IS SQUIRMING WITHIN THE TENEBRAE#UHHH IEAH THIS GUY W A ROTTED N DISTORTED FACE WALKS INTO MY BIKE STORE IEAH IM SCREAAAMIN LIKE WADDA HELL!! MONSTOR!!!
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they should let me write Aquaman 3: White House Visit where Joe Biden is forced by virtue of international diplomacy to shake Aquaman's hand
#the subplot of this movie is temuera morrison bailing orm out of jail#after he gets the cops called on him for paying for his meal in dubloons and not real money#and taking him on a cross country road trip from LA to DC to try to socialize him#key moments:#orm walks into a grocery store and has a panic attack from the overstimulation#temuera uses orm for pest control in a motel room and lets him skitter around on all fours eating bugs#temuera and orm smoke a bowl together and orm gets paranoid and thinks temuera is calling his mom#so he runs away and breaks into the tampa aquarium to try to live there in the gator exhibit#aquaman
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my fear about them not using the keep for datv (along with the fact that it allows for less variance in worldstate, but i do buy the excuse that a lot of that stuff won’t be relevant in a wider story set years later) is that the keep is going to be abandoned and/or deactivated, making it impossible to play any type of custom world state in inquisition
#mine#dragon age#i’m sure if they’re worried about server space it could be streamlined#like respectfully. no one cares about cammen and gheyna or slim couldry#some of that stuff is to be a user journal and if they really don’t want to maintain it. some of it could be eliminated ig#but there are still things that need to be there for inquisition. and i also don’t know if they could touch ANY of it without breaking it#i’m just a little paranoid because they just discontinued support for the xbox 360 store (where i first played inq) last month#and like i know that was at the end of that console’s run but still#the keep goes down often enough. i get a little worried#BUT ALSO I WANT TO SEE FEYNRIEL AND THAT FEELS LIKE SUCH A SPECIFIC PULL THAT IT WOULDNT BE ON THE LIST FOR DATV’S CARD SYSTEM
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Had good luck with finding albums today
#top row I got from the second hand physical media shop in the mall by my house#bottom 2 I found at the thrift#that was my favourite weezer album as I kid I had to get it plus it was 2 dollars#my favourite weakerthans album#I was talking to the guy who runs the store about how one time I found paranoid at the thrift but someone had stolen#the cd and I was disappointed and then he gave me a discount on the Rolling Stones one :)#m#my post#I’m really regretting getting rid of my cd player last year
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good morning cowboys
#paranoid gardens 2 today omg…#agenda for the day:#shower#go to comic book store#go to greggs#go home read my comic book#Yay
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starting to think maybe waking up with an anxiety stomachache every single morning and then needing to spend the entire day trying to get rid of said anxiety just to maybe have a few minutes in the evening of feeling relaxed before going to bed is perhaps not normal
#the first thing i do when i become conscious is check my phone to make sure nothing terrible happened to anyone i love while i slept#i never ever ever have plans and if anyone Else has plans i feel sick with anxiety until they’re back from them#if i have smth planned that week i feel completely tense and on edge until it happens#i didn’t used to be like this i hate hate hate it#i used to feel safe in my little house in the forest where i knew everyone in town and knew my way around with my eyes shut#it’s still the only place in the world i feel safe. that’s so unfair#my separation anxiety is ridiculous. if my mom goes to the store and doesn’t answer a text right away i start panicking#if my sister goes to a class or smth idk what to do with myself until she gets back#if i’m in the shower or have the fan on or headphones in suddenly i’ll think i hear someone shouting and i’ll have to quickly turn it off#ever since i moved here it’s been getting worse. i don’t feel safe here to begin with i feel so out of place it’s unreal#but then covid and trauma with my mother’s health and my uncle dying and multiple relatives getting sick and things happening to my friends#i know i have ptsd from very specific things that happened and i live on a hospital path so every day i hear sirens#and every time i do it fully triggers an anxiety attack in me for at least an hour. and my mom too#since being here my hometown burned and friends i thought would never grow apart did and my brother moved out#i know a lot of that is just Being In Your Low Twenties but also some of my worst trauma has happened in the last handful of years and now#now i’m just always scared. always uneasy. always worried. never fully relaxed. never feel fully safe. & idk how to be myself through that#i’m always paranoid and i never trust people irl anymore. ppl my mom or sister meet. i am so suspicious of them constantly.#if anything small changes at all i can’t handle it. my ability to deal with change has gone so downhill#in the last 5 years of being here i realised i was autistic which led to me unmasking a bit and that. comes with pros & cons doesn’t it#my own health has declined. my body changed a lot in ways i wasn’t prepared for and i had to get rid of most of my comfort clothes#sometimes i just wanna sit on the ground and cry about it and not have to also be the one that picks myself back up. y’know???#but at the very least i’d love to just wake up One Day w/o feeling sick with anxiety already. just one day i want to wake up feeling rested#i want to be myself again but can i start with not being scared? not being tired? i don’t know what to do anymore#i just watch my comfort videos and read my comfort fics and stay in my daydream world
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went to tRU yesterday and saw one core refresh Draculaura. Her paint was a bit wonky so I didn't grab her, but I wanted to show her to my partner and by the time I walked back she was gone
#I'm glad I didn't want her because that sort of stuff makes me paranoid xD#Whenever I want the last of anything in a store I hold on to it like my life depends on it
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Me realizing live time that Jschlatt may genuinely live in my area but I never realized BECAUSE HE LOOKS LIKE EVERY MF THAT IS A WHITE BOY COLLEGE NERD OVER HERE!!
THESE MF RAMPENTTTT
I genuinely think, looking back on it, I may have saw him at a local super smash bros tournament
#or in the gaming center or comic book store (fuck)#BUT IDK WHERE OR IF IT ACTUALLY HAPPENED BC HE LOOKS LIKE EVERY MF WHITE BOY NERD HERE??#I WISH I WAS EXAGGERATING#cat rambles#if I did see him he had that plastic hair band on and was a little awkward#n I think I saw him before I knew he was prevalent on the internet#I kinda hoping this is just a paranoid psychotic episode but ik that’s probably not the case HERE at least#I am not okay with this shit#why do so many famous people live near me?#and why do I always met them before ik who they are????#that first meeting is always so awkward 💀🙏#yes I’m talking about more than one scenario
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i feel incredibly unwell and unable to eat most foods so my parents in an act of kindness are going to get me food
#i just know they'll hold it over my head#but i physically cannot make it to the sunday open store. i can barely make it the few steps from my bed to the bathroom#i need to get out of this house it's killing me and i'm walking on egg shells#i'm so paranoid all the time what if my dad found my tumblr from checking the search history on the wifi and sees me 'spreading misinfo'#about everything because obviously when i cry out for help against the emotional neglect and trauma i do it for pity and attention
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MMMMM MADE HWACHAE FOR THE FIRST TIME SOOOO GOOD
#i accidentally got so high and paranoid this morning but when i calmed down i went to tje store (bad idea bc day before thansgiving) and#got stuff to make hwachae and i just KNOW if i was high this would be the best snack ever#mmm fruit and milk and citrus#cro talks
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korok sticker packs are finally done! just in time for the final totk trailer hehe
there's a bonus hidden design in there too, just because i thought it would be fun to do :3
you can get em on my bigcartel !
#BEHOLD.... THE LITTLE GUYS#totk#loz totk#tears of the kingdom#breath of the wild#loz botw#botw#legend of zelda#loz#korok#sticker shop#stickers#my art#artists on tumblr#sorry for the ugly watermarks btw im like. super paranoid abt some aliexpress store or w/e stealing my designs one day :v
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anyways sry its not srs eventually ill get it together . and be a person again. one day
#its just like atm everything that i need is like . not possible. which is oartially my brain being like We have to do this before we this#which sometimes isnt true but sometimes is#like i cant get medicated again or back seeing a psych or back on t until i get a job again#but i cant get a job again utnil i get my ged <- partially untrue but ged would make it a lot easier#but i cant get my ged until i have a job bc it costs money <- if i asked my parents they would probably help me If they had money 2 spare#since like. yk. they want ne to be able to work again so i have money again and ill be another source of income and they care abt me also .#affirmations . ppl donot just see me as a piggy bank they do see me as a person im not judt someone to squeeze money out of thats not how#ppl view me and its fine its fine its fine its fine . it feels so stupid being scared abt that i feel like a rich person whos like She only#likes me for my money 😭 like stfuuu annoying ass. i just ummmm. have a massive fear of debt and like. ppl demanding money from me#unexpectedly or expecting i am going to give them money. not in like a Ohhh fucking ppl want me to donate not it at all im happy to donate#but in like. god this is dumb. eveeytime i got birthday or christmas money as a kid i had to give it to my parents so they could buy food or#gas or whatever. and it never got paid bsck and it felt like shit. but i couldnt ever say no bc then itd be My fault we didnt have food that#week . yk. my first paycheck i had to give it all to my mom for groceries and we got in a fight in the store bc she was like Ok im gonna go#buy pop and my dumbass got upset abt it bc like. my mom told me itd be Necessities nd like. yk. wtvr. it was fucking stupid my entire family#r caffeine addicts so pop is a necessity i was just. rly upset and it felt like my parents saw my money as just. theirs but they had to ask#abt it so i wouldnt get pissy. yk. and they ask me for money a lot usually for food and i dont mind but it like. idk im rly paranoid abt#being a provider and ive got a Lot of guilt abt like. anytime we dont have enough food it feels like my fault bc it was my fault when i wasa#kid if i didnt give up my christmas money for pizza. or whatever. idk its so dramatic like i didnt need the money i was 8 it was selfish of#me to wanna buy fucking. toys or whatever that wasnt more important than My parents being able to get to work or my siblings being able to#fucking. literally eat. or paying bills. like its selfish that im like wahhh wahhh but i wanted to buy vibeo game wif my bday money i#shouldve judt been fucking grateful i was able to help my family. wtvr. I hate connor. wtvr#n then the shit with ugh last year like. yk. and stuff. and then the them stealing 1000 from me not getting into it b4 i get mad. idk.#and im just lazy now i need to get a job again but all the shit like. as i was saying earlier b4 i started whining. idk. i should be happy#that i get to help w bills and stuff that was my dream as a kid#like ever since i was 5 when i was fantasizing abt my future i was like Im gonna marry a prince and then ill be able to afford to pay all of#my families bills and my parents and siblings will be able to go to college and be happy and maybe never have to work bc ill be able to#handle it and ive always like. yk. when i was a dumbass kid i was like Ill go to college so i can get a good job and be useful. of course i#cant ever go to college bc im fucking. useless. and itd just be another burden on my family if i was in debt bc i couldnt help them as much#if i had debt and itd be selfish. and it doesnt matter bc im too stupid to go to college anyway. idk. i wish i could just fix everything#it just feels awful rn im literally just a drain and my family doesnt say it to me yk like. ik theyre happy imback i think they are
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Bella, a fully realized soul
(Bella's game has its final session tonight! She's grown so much, I think her character arc is one of my favorites I've played to date ^^)
#ttrpg#d&d 5e#bella valentius morita#love is stored in the bella#went from scared and paranoid to confidently herself with a sense of safety#had a rogue to monk arc#got so many loved ones#she's also from essex's setting which was sooo fun to go back to!
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its probably bc i didnt eat today and the fact i got like 3 hours of sleep but. oh my god the vibes are so bad id rather explode myself honestly
#i had to do all kinds of cleaning and chores#including dividing up and storing the meat we got at the grocery store since mom didnt want to it herself#and im so fucking weirded out about touching raw food and im constantly paranoid preparing food wrong or it being rotten#so i had to deal with that and then i have to actually cook in about half an hour but im still fucking paranoid#bc the sell by date for the pork was yesterday and im freaked out thinking its bad when i know its not bad#id rather just not exist anymore thank you
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It's so fucking wild that I am like conscious of food safety and my mom gets so fucking mad if I say something about it like jesus christ sorry if I notice something looks raw or like it's been sitting out too long!!!???
#i think she takes it as me judging her cooking or some shit#like it has nothing to fucking do with that!!!#and its not even like cooked stuff#its the way my family leaves food out for longer than it should be or they eat food thats been stored for way too long#thats not non perishable#and yet everyone makes me out as some paranoid annoying person
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