#para. › … note on the polaroid .

[wolfbaenes]

note on the polaroid | allison, derek, & jude

adjusting the box of cupcakes in her arms,  jude peered up at the building in front of her with awe in her eyes. violet had told her she lived in a big apartment complex, but it was bigger than jude had imagined. she felt something tremble in her stomach—nerves or excitement, she couldn’t tell. she wouldn’t deny that she was excited to see violet again; she’d always found the writer to be cool, and being able to hang out with her outside of school was a privilege that jude didn’t take lightly.

then again, according to her mom, jude took everything either far too lightly or far too seriously. she’d never been good with moderation.

adjusting the box again, jude squinted at the door to the apartment complex. it was locked with a code to get in. violet hadn’t given her the code, and jude hadn’t thought far enough to ask for it before coming. jude ran her tongue over her lips as she debated her options here. she could always text violet to come let her in, but the box of cupcakes was rather large and jude didn’t trust her clumsy self not to drop it if she tried to hold it with one hand. this was, in a word, a pickle.

“can i help you?”

jude looked behind her, seeing an unfamiliar man standing on the sidewalk with a grocery bag in hand. she was blocking the doorway. she scooted over to the side and threw him a grin. “hi! i’m here meeting a friend. her name is violet greene? we’re supposed to be studying, but i don’t know how to get in and i can’t ask because id on’t have hands, and i’m...” what was a word for this? “vexated.”

the man furrowed his brows at her. “that’s... that’s not a word.”

damn. she thought she had that one.

he stepped past her and keyed in the code for the door. it let out a buzzer noise and clicked. he pulled the door open and nodded her forward ahead of him. with a large grin and a word of thanks, jude went past him inside. “i’m jude,” she introduced. “do you want a cupcake? i brought cupcakes! i thought violet might want some, you know, as compensation for dealing with me and helping me study. i made, like, four different kinds. and they’re labeled,” she added, wiggling her brows.

the man snorted. “i’m derek. and that’s alright. violet lives below me, but i can tell her to come swing by and get you from my place.”

“okay!” jude agreed readily.

derek gave her a dry look as they stepped into the elevator, ascending to the top floor. “if a strange man tells you to come into his apartment, don’t agree.”

jude tipped her head curiously, giving him a confused look. “but you’re not a strange man. you just said you’re derek. and i offered you cupcakes! we’re practically best friends already. we’re... indoctrinated.”

“yeah, that’s not what that word means.”

jude laughed, the sound bouncing off of the walls of the elevator. derek couldn’t help but smile at the sound. she was young and a little silly, but her heart was clearly pure. the only reason he hadn’t pointed her directly to violet’s apartment was out of protectiveness. he didn’t know jude, and even though the first impression was good, he didn’t trust her. they’d been burned before, by high schoolers and college students and adults alike. perhaps it was silly of derek not to trust anyone, but he wouldn’t.

when it came to violet’s life — to anyone in the pack — he would stick to his obsessively overprotective guns before letting anything happen to her.

the door to the loft opened and derek stepped inside, jude trailing behind him. there was only one other heartbeat in the apartment, and derek easily attached the scent to allison. he wasn’t surprised that his sisters and the knights were gone. they always found ways to entertain themselves, especially with the rest of the pack living in the floors beneath them.

“whoa,” jude exhaled, spinning around to look at the loft. “this place is bigger than my entire house.”

“small house.”

“huge apartment!”

derek looked up in time to meet allison’s eyes. “hi,” he said, giving her a small smile. he knew she would read the tension behind it, even if jude couldn’t. “this is jude—-violet’s friend from school.” and he knew she would understand that, too. if there was anyone in this entire world who would understand the way derek’s mind worked — the way he shot first and trusted both last and least — it was allison.

[ogdencollegerp]

MAY 7TH, 2023

It had been a couple hours since they had all received the address, and the students of Ogden College seemed mostly interested in taking advantage of the party that they had been invited to. Much to the disappointment of their tormentor, who was waiting for someone to come looking for them...and since no one had, it meant it was time for another text.

Because G was waiting.

g: sorry....did you miss the text where i said see you soon ??g: or are you just not interested in finding me ??g: [photo attached]

The photo G sent them was a picture of a polaroid. And while it's not immediately clear where the polaroid had been taken....it was the very underground rave they were at. If someone could find where it had been taken....would they find G there too ??

IC DATE: early morning hours of Sunday, May 7th

OOC DATE: Wednesday, October 4th - Friday, October 6th

PLEASE NOTE: Feel free to incorporate this text blast into a THREAD or SELF-PARA if you want, but take care not to pass it in the timeline !!! If you DO choose to have your muse react to this plot drop, please submit the link of the post where they react to the main by THIS SUNDAY at 6 PM (just the initial reaction needs to be done by then & sent). And as always, DM the main with any questions or concerns !!!

[chock-full-of-idiots]

🔮Leo Daniels Tag Dump🔮

[recentanimenews]

86 – 11 (Fin) – All Over but the Crying

We arrive at October 30th, the day the five remaining members of Spearhead get into a scrap with the Legion and lose Fido as well as all but Shin’s Juggernaut. Things are getting desperate and they’re running low on ammo, fuel, and food, which means soon their recon mission will be at an end. All of them know what that means, but rather than dwell on that, they simply keep living their lives until the time fate decides to take them.

This means taking shifts piloting the ‘naut while the others rest or watch the rear from the remaining cargo bot. Thanks to Shin’s instincts and a rainstorm they manage to evade another Legion patrol, but the Legion become more legion by the day. The group finds an abandoned town and decide to take shelter in a school—the first school Kurena’s ever been to. They take a final roll call, and “graduate” the next day.

When they hit a literal wall of sheer rock, Shin suddenly asks to switch with Anju, who is piloting, claiming he’s bored. Once they switch, he cuts the tether to split off from the others and uses his grappler to bring down some rocks so they won’t follow. He sensed more Legion were coming; Legion they wouldn’t escape unless he lured them away. The others aren’t okay with this. Raiden, Anju, Kurena and Theo all agree to go after him.

With no Juggernauts, they have to go on foot, and arrive just as Shin’s ride is trashed and a Legion prepares to crack it open like a tin of sardines and claim his head. Only the weakest of the charging Legion are susceptible to their small arms, and even then only headshots, and there are too many of them. First Theo, then everyone else goes down fighting. The light of the Legion prepares to take Shin’s head—but he has his sidearm. Does it succeed?

We finally check in on Lena, who is under house arrest for her little stunt with the mortars. Even so, she pays a visit to the front lines, and to Spearhead’s HQ. A new group of 86 are being processed. The cycle continues.

Lena is greeted by Lt. Albrecht, who reveals he’s an Alba like her whose wife and daughter were 86 and died in battle. Thanks to Shin, he was given a measure of solace in knowing they didn’t become Legion, as Shin never heard them call Albrecht’s name.

Lena then walks through the now abandoned living space like a ghost looking so out of place after having been in essentially another world the whole time. It’s just so heartbreaking that by the time she was finally able to make it here, everyone she spoke to over the Para-RAID was already gone.

While the cycle of using 86 as cannon fodder continues, there was at least a crucial change. Lena and Shin forged a genuine connection, and it rubbed off on the others too, as they left her a memento: Theo’s drawing of her with handwritten notes from him, Shin, Raiden, Kurena, and Anju. More importantly, they left a Polaroid of the whole group, helpfully labelled by Theo “so she wouldn’t cry” about not being able to tell who was who.

In the end, as a practical matter, all Lena was able to do by breaking protocol and getting in trouble was extend the five’s lives by a few more days. Instead of dying on one battlefield, they died on another. But with Fido gone and his records destroyed, Lena now holds some of the last remaining artifacts of their existence—other than the wrecks and bodies they left behind somewhere out there, after reaching their final destinations.

Lena will surely treasure these things, as well as the cat left in her care, but they’re also primed to fuel her continued rebellion against the broken evil system she’s blindly served for too long. She couldn’t end the injustice for Shin and the others, but perhaps with enough allies and some luck, she can end it for others. Or maybe not. But like them, she’ll fight until fate comes for her.

Maybe then they’ll all get to finally reunite…for the first time.

So ends the first cour of 86. What a powerful show. We’ve known since the start there would definitely be a second one, but now we know there will be a “Special Episode” in between the two. What I’m a little fuzzy on is what exactly became of Shin.

I’d like to hope he managed to shoot himself in the head, and that seems to be supported by the fact he reunites with his brother, whom we know he freed from the Legion. We also see Shin’s headless body. But nothing is certain, which is why I’ll just have to keep watching to find out.

By: braverade

[craftylittlea]

Halloween Hijinks | Closed

victim: @ginaxparker

Note; The end of this para will also reveal (ooc) the identity of the current -A! If you’re someone who doesn’t want to know who they are just yet you can choose not to click the read more!

Halloween had gone down without a hitch, really. During the party, -A had managed to snap a few photographs of people who wouldn’t really want the pictures to get out. They’d taken Lucas Pike and his little friend Ana Maxwell out for a little “walk” just to give Dakota and her new apparent girlfriend a good scare. On the walk out, they’d even had some time at the end to be able to send some texts to Emma Williamson since she was dodging the whole holiday in general.

The haunted house was a little quieter to start off with. Metaphorically anyway, there was screaming coming from all the idiots wandering the maze. For -A, it was mostly a spying mission. Reconnaissance. They moved with ease to different areas of the house, watching, waiting, snapping pictures. It was such a good way to spend Halloween. They could only imagine how stir crazy Jamie was getting sitting in his cell right now, thinking of all the things he could be doing, all the ways he could have protected his sister.

There was a little hidden room, the door of which was concealed by decorations, and that’s where -A had ended up right now. They had a knife in their pocket and it wasn’t long until they had their eyes on the perfect victim for Halloween. It had just sort of slid into place without any planning at all on their part. They had Alexandra Willis in the perfect position to get her out of the picture and create some real chaos and grief. The knife came out and -A was preparing, hiding behind some decorations when suddenly someone else stumbled upon the little hidden room, crashing right into -A and laughing a little drunkenly. -A turned and realised that it was Gina Parker and she realised the laughing had stopped and Gina had noticed the knife, and the stack of Polaroids that had fallen to the floor when the two had collided. Gina was putting it together, too clever for her own good really, and that was when -A knew the victims had to be switched.

It was quite quick. More of an impulsive act out of sheer necessity. Pure survival. -A wouldn’t let themselves be caught, not now, not by anyone.

Truthfully, as it turned out, this wasn’t one that they actually found themselves fully wanting to do. Not tonight at least.

Because -A was Ella Burke and Ella Burke had actually started to feel something for this stupid woman... and now she’d had to kill her. What a pity.

She turned and slipped from the room after a moment, deciding as the blood pooled from Gina’s lifeless body, that it was about time to call it a night.

[famedbasearchive]

SECRET SIBLING: EPISODES 1 & 2

Timeline: August 2020

On-Set Filming Dates: Varies by pair.

Deadline: September 10, 11:59PM KST (note: the audition deadline was in EDT by error—deadlines for Secret Sibling, as with all base schedules and monthly schedules, going forth will be in KST)

Those involved in Secret Sibling this month may earn up to 8 points total for writing, by the end of September 10 KST:

Completions of the two interviews included in the in-character prompt. (1 point each, up to 2 points total)

One solo para of 400+ words based on filming for episodes 1 & 2. (2 points).

EITHER two threads of six posts (three per participant, including the starter) OR one thread of ten posts (five per participant, including the starter) with their assigned Secret Sibling taking place during their first filming. (2 each, for up to 4 points total OR 4 points)

These do not count toward monthly limits or toward normal schedule points. All posts for this task block should be tagged with #fmdsecret1. 

There are not tasks available for muses outside of the main cast for this task block.

IN-’VERSE INFO

The following idols are informed they’ve been chosen in early August and will be sent a contract to sign: @fmdhyoyeon, @fmdartemisia, @fmdxsuwei, @fmdhyuk, @alicefmd, @fmdminhee, @fmdtaejin, @durifmd, @fmdheesung, @miyeonfmd, @fmdwoochan, @fmdrina, @fmdjaeyeol, @fmdting, @fmdsan, @fmdminah, @fmdsooah, @fmdminjung, @fmdsophie, @fmdjynx They will be told not to share the news of their casting with anyone yet and sharing the news with anyone outside of their management before they’ve been officially announced will result in them being removed from the cast and replaced.

The cast members will be paired up as follows, with the designated filming date (for a twenty-four hour span from the afternoon/evening of day one to the afternoon/evening of day two):

Lipstick’s Artemisia & Fuse’s Sooah - August 7 - August 8

Lipstick’s Ruby & Lucid’s Hyoyeon - August 8 - August 9

Lipstick’s Minnie & Lucid’s Suwei - August 9 - August 10

Fuse’s Minjung & Lucid’s Alice - August 14 - August 15

Fuse’s Miyeon & WISH’s Rina - August 15 - August 16

Knight’s Hyuk & Unity’s Ting - August 16 - August 17

Knight’s Duri & Unity’s Jaeyeol - August 16 - August 17

Decipher’s Taejin & Knight’s Heesung - August 21 - August 22

Knight’s Woo & Alien’s San - August 22 - August 23

Aria’s Jynx & WISH’s Sophie - August 29 - August 30

(admin note: The date of the first day of filming should have been checked to work around all muses’ schedules with the consideration idols do not attend music shows on Mondays and some schedules may happen on the morning of the day they meet, but if you notice any problems, please send in a message and the date will be fixed!)

Before the first meeting, each pair member will be driven to the filming location by a manager and told whether they are the younger or older “sibling” of their pair, but not the identity of their partner. They will then be asked the following interview questions by their manager and are expected to answer them as if having a casual conversation with their manager. There will be three cameras stationed in the car for different angles of the interview “conversation”.

What are the traits you think you should show as a good younger/older sibling?

What kind of personality would you like your older/younger sibling to have and why?

What might surprise your sibling about you if they only know you as a celebrity?

The idol member will then have their partner’s identity revealed by their manager by playing the message from their audition as linked above (if their partner didn’t say their name, their manager will tell them who it is).

What do you think about your partner now that their identity has been revealed? From what you know of them, what are they like / what do you think they are like?

Following the conclusion of the in-car interview, they will be taken to the location of their first meeting: an apartment rented out by production and set up with mounted cameras where they’ll be spending twenty-four hours together to get to know each other. They’ll be aware that this is the setting and concept for the first day of filming beforehand.

The older “sibling” will arrive first and will be given time by themselves to get to know the apartment, which will include everything the pair might need, like food in the fridge, a video camera and Polaroid camera, board/card games, and pair-specific props like a guitar, a karaoke machine, cooking essentials, video games, etc. based on public knowledge of the interests of each member of the pair. Each idol will also be allowed to bring a single bag of their own full of anything they may need overnight like pajamas, toothbrush, snacks, bonding activities, etc. 

Examples of what the apartment might look like are here, here, and here.

The younger “sibling” will arrive after the older “sibling” has had about thirty to forty-five minutes in the apartment on their own.

In addition to everything else in the apartment, each pair will also have also have a “secret notebook” which will include questions and tasks for the pair to get to know each other including the following:

Have three meals meeting the following requirements:

Leave the apartment for one meal mutually agreed upon by both siblings.

For another meal, cook together using what’s supplied in the kitchen.

For another meal, order take out agreed upon by both siblings to be delivered to the apartment.

Take Polaroid photos together as proof of this memory.

Teach each other the point dances of one of your songs.

Use the projector set up in the living room to watch a reel of moments (stages, variety appearances, etc.) from each of your careers prepared by production and discuss your experiences as an idol.

Share your concerns with each other.

A note is included in the notebook including these missions and telling them they should work to achieve every mission by the time they part at the end of the twenty-four hours.

Outside of these missions, the “sibling” pairs will largely have free reign over what they discuss and what they do within the apartment with their twenty-four hours together, although everything should remain family-friendly and image-conscious and idols should not be too candid about any frustrations with their company, their group members, or their fans.

When/if the pair sleep, they’ll sleep in the same large bed like real siblings might do in their childhood.

At the conclusion of their first day together, they’ll do separate talking head interviews before leaving:

Was there anything that surprised you about your sibling during the time you spent together?

What was the most memorable part of the twenty-four hours you spent with your sibling?

Do you feel that you opened up to your sibling or is there still a barrier between you two?

What would you like to do with your sibling next time you meet?

OUT OF ‘VERSE INFO

The final number of submissions was twenty with even numbers of muses by gender, so all muses submitted were cast in the show, although the casting process would have been selective in-character. Pairing was semi-random as complete randomization was not possible while still keeping pairs realistic and making sure muns weren’t paired up more than once across multiple muse submissions!

Any questions can be directed to the main’s ask box!

[cameron-malkin]

Exit Wounds || Self para.

The intrusion had been unwarranted. In the throes of a new creative process, charcoal stained hands worked painstakingly across the page as the black and white image came to fruition. Eventually leaning back to observe his work at a distance, sapphire eyes studied the drawing meticulously, critiquing every inch of his creation. There had been a recent spark of creativity within the young man, an intense level of muse unlike any he’d experienced before. 

“Open up!” A thunderous boom from an unfamiliar voice interrupted him, eliciting an eye-roll from the 28-year-old. 

“Nobody’s home!” He sing-songed in return, the snide retort rolling easily off his lips before focusing his efforts back onto the page. Diligent blue hues turned their attention towards the developing art, the delicate curvature of pencil lines distracting him from relentless knocking upon hardwood. Eventually, the culprit of such upheaval made his presence known, entering the room, “Malkin, pack your shit. You’re moving to yellow.” 

Spinning in his chair to face the intruder, a sharp comment locked and loaded on his tongue, a deep frown of annoyance etched across his features. Suddenly he was thrown into a vast abyss of confusion as he caught the tail end of the command. “Excuse me, I’m what?” Demanding repetition from the stranger, Cameron leant forward, elbows resting on his knees as two hands clasped in front of him. “What’re you on?” Was this some kind of twisted prank? The twenty-eight-year-old had to stop himself from erupting into a fit of laughter, a heavy exhale of disbelief taking its place. 

A disgruntled groan pushed through the guard’s pursed lips before reiterating simple instructions, “You’re moving. Yellow floor. Five minutes.” It irked him, the way the guard couldn’t bring himself to use any more words than necessary — the implication in his voice clear: Cameron wasn’t worth the wasted breath. A burlap sack thrown in his direction signaled the end of the conversation, coaxing a frown onto Cameron’s lips once more. Reaching out to catch the bag flung towards him, a whirlpool of thoughts swirled menacingly onward, reeling from the sudden loss of belonging the small space afforded him. 

Azure orbs glanced around the space he had occupied for the better part of five years. The walls that had once been bare were now finally brightened by few belongings, decorated with polaroids of late night adventures and inspired drawings that filled him with a sense of pride. Carefully prying each item off with delicate precision, ocean eyes gazed over the dimly lit photo of Lexus on the hood of Charles' car, a wicked smirk pulling at the corner of his lips as he recounted memories from the crisp autumn evening beyond the walls of Thornewood. 

Cameron leant against the hood of Charles’ car, cigarette in hand as smoke intertwined the cool air surrounding him, sidewalks decorated with pumpkins accompanied by the ghoulish decor that hung from every post and pillar. The awe-struck smile never faded from either of their features as they basked in their newly found freedom. One size twelve stepped in front of the other, approaching Lex before strong hands enveloped her waist. “Hey, beautiful.” He murmured in her ear, his lips moving to line a path of delicate kisses to her neck. It was an understatement, her standing there in skin-tight jeans hugging her curves in a way that made his mouth water. He’d meant for it to be a simple distraction before lifting her up onto the hood of the car, but it left him wanting more, positioning himself between her thighs. Reluctantly, he pried himself away from her open palm, desperate to grasp a fistful of his jacket. Curelian hues glided over her frame, heart heavy with the desire for this singular shared moment to stretch into eternity. The beginning of their nights together had always been the most joyful, excitement and anticipation igniting deep within his bones. “Wait, stay there,” In retrospect, to his ears, the words were more of a love-stricken plea than a seductive invitation. He recalled the burning need for the photograph, the image of it hanging on his bedroom wall too good to resist: Lexus sprawled out on the top of Charles’ car, like she owned it.

There were a multitude of reasons behind Cameron’s minimalistic style of living, chief among them that he could never afford luxury items, and the few belongings he did have lacked sentimental value. Moreover, he had lived by the belief that when he eventually left Thornewood, it would be to return to a life of poverty unable to be swayed by an abundance of possessions. He’d need nothing apart from the clothes on his back. However, it became clearer day by day that his future was morphing into something with more promise. Not only had he gained a vision of a future worth fighting for, but he'd acquired more everything. More clothes, more cologne, more cheesy trinkets — all from Lexus that he would never be able to part with. One by one, he placed them gingerly into the rucksack. Coming to terms with the fact that he clearly was unable to object to the move, a tornado of thoughts created a path of destruction as he struggled with the notion. His personal demons whispered harsh truths about the significant progression. What possible growth had occurred? He hadn’t earned this.

Incarcerated within Thornewood, the patient had watched numerous people come and go over time. Some stayed longer than others, but always worked their way through the levels eventually. Even Lexus — despite her cemented belief that she was incapable of improvement — hardly spent a year on the same floor before moving. Such progress hadn’t gone undeserved, but this transfer felt anything but justified. With an angry beast waging war inside him, Cameron knew this progression symbolized something he was not: tame. It was abundantly clear that there was a higher power at play here, an overwhelming sense of trepidation surrounding him as crystalline hues stared at the now empty room, his prized possessions slung over his back. A terrifying realisation struck him as he descended the carpeted stairs: he was unable to name the force that moved him. Who possibly could have swayed the Forresters to look the other way? And why would they? 

The walk to the new room — his room — was paved with a painfully long stretch of silence. The only twisted form of relief from the ear-splitting stillness were the perturbed thoughts occupying his mind. Cameron’s self-loathing knew no bounds, incapable of bottoming out as copious insults were hurled at him from every direction. Somewhere in the spiralling depths of his self-hatred, the notion that he would now have to occupy a space with another smacked him in the chest, eliciting an angry snarl upon impact. In a matter of seconds, the privacy he had taken advantage of on the third floor was unapologetically snatched from beneath his feet. Swallowing hard as he pushed past the outrage bubbling below the surface, the 28-year-old turned towards the guard escorting him. 

“Not to question you, your highness, but there’s got to be some sort of massive fuck up here.” A demand to talk to Charles almost surpassed tight lips, struggling to stop himself despite being intimately aware of the naivety behind such a thought. No one requested a meeting with Charles Forrester — not even Thornewood’s oldest resident. 

Deafening silence answered him, falling over the two men before abruptly stopping at a closed door on the second floor. The guard held out his hand, an unspoken demand for Cameron’s wrist, before producing a small pair of scissors to remove the last remaining shred of his existence on the red floor. For a split second, the tender skin of his sunless wrist came into view. He noted how odd it looked, almost as though he’d forgotten about the patterns of ink now exposed. The moment was, however, short lived as the garishly bright new colour was clamped onto his arm, repulsing the New Jersey native immediately. The inaccurate mark granted him new permission, throwing the lone wolf into the pasture rife with sheep. The road before him became rocky and uneven, sharp twists and jackknife turns appearing out of nowhere, leading him to a destination he was wary of approaching. 

Upon entering the new room, a grimace replaced the look of confusion he had been sporting. Uncertainty spawned a pounding between his temples as a frustrated hand flung up to rub his forehead in desperate search of relief from the growing pressure. A guttural groan escaped his clenched jaw as he flung his bag onto the bed and slammed the door behind him. The feral beast within paced the confines of his steel cage with insurmountable irritation on the rise. A clenched fist leveled with brick, a scream on the tip of his tongue as the threat of an impending collision of bone against cement loomed overhead. 

“I don’t give a shit.”

“I don’t give a shit.”

“I don’t give a shit.”

Backing away from the wall, Cameron collapsed onto the edge of the bed. His hand dropped in defeat as two lungs gasped for air, head shoved between his knees in an attempt to force himself off the ledge. 

With his gaze fixed upon unscathed knuckles, he was stunned by the distinct lack of blood. The beast locked eyes with him, nearly unrecognizable as it prowled behind the iron bars of a newfound equilibrium.

[fmdyujinarchive]

summary: yujin misses her members who are participating in shared house and decides to be a little silly with her gift this time. word count: 606 words. ooc note: fmdsh2 care package self-para, a lot of mentions of @fmdjoosung

yujin’s lying in joosung’s bed because she misses the sound of his laughter that would fill up the dorms. she misses her members who are currently out of their house and living someplace else. she thinks it shouldn’t affect her this much, but when you spend so many years with the company of other people, it’s evident when half of those people are gone. 

her manager tells her that it’d be a good idea for her to send a care package or some holiday greeting for her members in the shared house, and she agrees with much enthusiasm. although, she’s not too sure what else she could possibly send them. yujin had a tough time coming up with the gifts for the housewarming party, and she’s not confident enough that she’ll be able to come up with things to send her members this time. 

getting up from joosung’s bed, she decides to walk around the dorms, trying to find something that maybe he may have left behind. she was proud of herself for coming up with the bear slippers, and she wanted to top that gift (though she was certain that he’d be happy with anything she got him). that didn’t stop her from wanting to get him something special; something that would buy him some screen time because she knows he deserves it. 

since she was genuine the first time around, she’s almost leaning towards being a little silly for this one. having looked around the dorms, it seems that her members have taken everything that would fall under necessities, and she was completely out of ideas on what somebody would need in their everyday lives. why not just mix up the care package and the holiday greeting? 

she’s already laughing to herself as she looks through a box that was left in the living room of the girls’ dorm. it was filled with some unreleased physical copies of her single from october, the ones that the company used to promote her and which she used during cd exchanges backstage at music shows. they were limited edition, and her manager brought a few back home to her in case she wanted to send them out to others. 

picking two out of the box, she started writing on the case of them messages for her members. dear choi joosung-ssi. i heard that you were a big fan of me, and so i decided to gift you with a very limited edition of my promoted single twenty-five! thank you for all the love and support that you’ve sent to me, and i hope this package reaches you well! inside you’ll find some special pictures as well! oh, and happy holidays. stay warm and healthy <3 it was a complete joke especially because she’s already given her members copies of the cd, but another one on display at the shared house couldn’t hurt, right? 

deciding that the cd wouldn’t be enough, she ran into her room to pick up her polaroid camera and started taking a couple of pictures of herself to include inside of it. as she taped them to the inside of the album, she couldn’t stop chuckling to herself. however, she knew that if she was on the receiving end, and joosung had gifted her something like this, she’d actually like it and would most definitely put it up on her dresser like a prized possession. 

her manager is shaking his head when he receives the package to send out, but he tells her good job because it sounds like something that’ll get her members some screen time. that’s all she wants for them anyway.

[dustedmagazine]

Isasa — Insilio (La Castanya)

Insilio by Isasa

Conrado Isasa filters a rich tradition of Spanish and Catalan guitar through the lens of American Primitive picking, with echoes of Fahey, Jack Rose and Glenn Jones showing through lines of liquid, rounded clarity. In the end, the music is more reminiscent of Appalachian back hollows than the gypsy caves of Granada, though, of course, the line is not so hard and bright. Some in the American Primitive lineage do draw from flamenco and Spanish classical styles—Peter Walker and Sir Richard Bishop come to mind. Though Isasa mostly doesn’t foreground these influences, they’re there.

The first two tracks, for instance, reference Catalonia—the first overtly in the title which is “Homenaja a Cataluῆa” and the second through the language, as “Tinc Ganes de Veure’t” means “I want to see you in Catalan.” “Homenaja” begins the disc in a ruminative space, its slow strums left to hover, its flurries of picking punctuated by homely squeaks of string. The melody, country pure and simple, emerges like a Polaroid developing, pushing up through the surface of picking and then sinking back down again. “Tinc Ganes de Veure’t” runs a bit starker and less flowery, a pendulum swing between notes repeating like the thought you can’t shake at 3 a.m.

Elsewhere, though, the sounds evoke a bucolic America. “Arquitecto Tenista” swaggers in porch country manner a la Jack Rose’s ragtime sessions, while “Cuesta Ramon,” coaxes eerie vibrating atmospheres out of slide and pick, like Rose again, but in a transcendental mode. You can hardly play acoustic blues like this without a nod to John Fahey, and here Isasa makes his homage explicit in thoughtful, evocative “Copla para John Fahey.” The cut is spare, but set against an ambient drone that captures some of the master’s blend of quotidian folk and gnostic mystery.

Throughout, Isasa pursues his ends with a meditative clarity. Every note seems surrounded by a golden glow, and there is plenty of time to consider the last one before the first intrudes again. It is the sort of record that changes depending on when and how you listen, reflecting something inside of you as well as the notes on guitar. The first few times it played for me, it seemed to reflect the stark grey winter around me. Now, I hear it again, and green pushes through the crack. It is, all in all, a very good record in its quiet way, reflecting multiple guitar traditions in a pensive, self-searching way that makes them seem intimate and personal.  

Jennifer Kelly

[fastgo721]

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[sinagt4la]

“inner world” 20

I take Amara out today we ate at MCDO. I invited some of my old college friends, parang mini reunion ba. 3 weeks passed na agad at ang bilis. Tomorrow is another schedule for Amara’s appointment, for the second time. Second time palang since medjo busy si Dr. Javier. Before we go home Amara said na we should buy gift for Dr. Javier since he bought donuts for her last time. Ganto talaga s’ya. Ayaw n’ya ng hindi s’ya nakakabawi.

  I woke up early to prepare breakfast our schedule is 10 AM at 7 AM palang naman. I let Amara sleep more as I clean our condo. 8:30 na ng magising s’ya. Pinakain at pinaliguan ko narin s’ya. Pinanood ko muna s’ya ng Favorite n’yang Pororo, para ako naman ang makaligo.

 At exactly 10 AM we arrived at the hospital, dumeretyo narin kami sa clinic. Habang nag hihintay may babaeng biglang dumating may dala pang lunch box.

“ tell Uno I made lunch for him.” Ang sabi n’ya na tuwang tuwa pa. girlfriend siguro s’ya ni Uno. Maganda naman mestiza at matangkad perfect match for him.

The nurse looked at me parang nahihiya pa, kaya nag smile nalang ako sakanya.

After a while dumating narin si Uno agad naman n’yang napansin yung lunchbox kinuha n’ya ‘yon at ngumiti….. the smile, his smile that I am longing for, the smile that I always wish to see.

“good morning Doctor!” Amara greeted tuwang tuwa pa. hindi naman mahirap pakisamahan si Amara as long as you don’t make her cry. She’s a crybaby too. Hay nako kanino kaya ‘to nag mana?

“good morning baby..” ang sabi n’ya at nakatingin saakin. Baby ako ba ang baby? Ungas ba ‘to. I rolled my eyes and he playfully smiled.

“… baby Amara” he continued. Nangaasar ba ‘to baby ampucha. Yes baby ko? Char.

I sat the sofa after welcoming him. Pumasok sila isang room to run some test for her. While waiting nag tingin tingin ako sa buong clinic n’ya habang palakad lakad I saw a polaroid on his desk it was him and the girl awhile ago, if I’m not mistaken Maia? Her name, Maia. They look so happy parang it’s their graduation photo sa Med school. Uno’s smile is wide and I can see that he’s genuinely happy and… inlove.

As I roam again, I saw the note sa lunch box n’ya

“happy eating, pogi. Sorry hindi na ako nakabot sa dinner natin kagabi, eto pambawi  - M ”

Pagkatpos kong Mabasa umupo na ulit ako. Parang nawalan ako ng pangamba seeing Uno happy and getting the love he deserves.

While waiting biglang tumawag si Kio

“hello Kio?”

“kumusta kayo? Si Mara she’s doing fine naman no?”

“yes no need to worry she’s in good hands”

“what about you?”

“I’m doing good, when will you go here?”

“ do you miss me that much?” he laughed

“silly of course we do, I miss you punta kana dito hinihintay ki—” before I could finish the sentence I saw Uno at the front door sa sobrang bigla napamura ako

“ay shutangina” sigaw ko

“what happened? Are you okay?” tanong ni Kio

“yes Kio, nabigla lang ako may Nakita akong daga eh” I saw Uno rolled his eyes. Hahaah got you DAGA

“oh okay okay I will call you again later, brb”

“okay bye ingat ha” and I ended the call

After the call Nakita kong nakatingin si Uno saakin, no one dares to talk nag titigan lang kami.

“ate donuts” sabi ni Mara na naka pout pa before I could answer Uno answered for me

“yes baby Dr. Javier will buy donuts for you again, do you want that?” sabi ni Uno habang hawak ang pisngi n’ya

“mhmm”

“ good girl, let’s go for lunch Haliya” sabi n’ya na ikanabigla ko lunch daw eh may pagkain na s’ya

“ but you have a food already. Sayang, parang niluto pa naman ‘yan ng girlfriend mo ” sabi ko sabay turo sa lunchbox n’ya

Umiling lang s’ya sabay tawa. May nakakatawa ba? eh sayang naman effort ng girlfri –

“ yeah, I will eat that later, baka magalit girlfriend ko ayaw ko pa naman nun.”

    happy 20th chapter, we’re so close to the end. :)

the song i played while writing was Only by LeeHi. 

here’s the link : https://youtu.be/Fy5C-bzi59Q   

[sardinass]

Posted this 7 years ago. This memo wall. My first Manila zoo visit as a no hair kid and a polaroid of US that didn't develop into a photo. But foremost, my Animal Science sticky note. Naalala ko pa yung panahong hirap na hirap ako sa kakahanap ng mga references, browsed a lot of pages, read a lot of books and those sleepless nights. My three (3) research titles rejection. Then Sir Bob told me na "Try mo kaya yung pinaka-ayaw mo, nasubukan mo na lahat ng gusto mo eh!" At ayun nga! Opposites attract ang nangyari. Poultry Science got me in! Then it goes from asking my bestfriend Kaevin for a rim of bond papers, Sir McNe from Registrars office my first S.A job for help, my part time job kay Sir Ben as mag-mamanok every in between subjects that ended up funding my reseach study 🥺, sa pambili ng pako para sa poultry house ko from Mommy Nor, sa mga kaklase kong nanguubos ng grocery sa quarter ko (which is okay! The laugh guise! It helps!), Dr.Viyar sa walang sawang pagsabi ng "Ulaga!", Brod Tatay Mher for helping me with my hardback covers, my thesis adviser Dr.Agatep for everything. And pinaka-mahalaga my Kapit-thesis bahay Ella and Inang Bibe 🥺 I owe you both a lot;l, i'm lost for words. Naalala ko lang yung struggles non. Lagi ako nababalingoyngoy at hinihika sa pagod pero I just want to remind all of you na sa buhay "NORMAL ANG MAHIRAPAN, OKAY LANG UMINDA AT MAGPAHINGA pero DAPAT GAGAWA NG PARAAN AT HINDI SUSUKO". To cut this, yes! Sobrang rewarding ang ending netong research study ko. I won the Best Research for Animal Science and at the same time my poster also won. Ending this with the bible verse that anchored and provided me the strength to move forward ✨Mathew 7:7-8 (at Lumban, Laguna) https://www.instagram.com/p/CVK2XAMBLOxfQCRuOxSTVbe_6I2-qaZWN75j_o0/?utm_medium=tumblr

[creativegago]

Beauty and Disgrace (Poetry Collection)

Deleted wattpad post under the pseudonym: goldiiblox

🦋 angela's note: To the friends that I wrote these poems to in the past, thank you for the memories. I wish you well, even if we all fell apart. And on second thought, I really think these poems are so strange. What was on my mind while I was writing these and making rose lollipops out of paper? There are also two poems I did not include here because.. I just don’t want to remember them anymore. I don’t like the ideas.

Synopsis:

A 'collection' of poetry that I wrote for two weeks sometime in January to give to my friends whom are special to me on Valentine's Day.

"For writers always have their heads up somewhere. When we think of somewhere, we look up at the sky. Maybe we're thinking where, or asking it for an answer."

Kamusta? (A written introduction for the website)

Ang Simula

Ang mga tulang inyong mababasa ay isinulat ng isang dalagang maraming tanong sa mundo. Ito ay mga tulang isinulat ko para sabihin ang mga nararamdaman ko. Nagkakaroon tayo ng mga kaibigan, kahit pilit natin itong iwasan ay darating sila sa mundo natin upang patunayang hindi tayo nag-iisa. Hindi ibig sabihing mahina ka kapag may katulong ka, ipinapahiwatig lang nito na malulungkot ka lamang kung mananatili kang naglalakbay na mag-isa sa mundo.

May nakapagsabi sa akin, na pakaunti nang pakaunti ang oras na nabubuhay ang isang tao. Palala ng palala ang mundo, tila may isang malubhang karamdamang walang lunas. Masakit man at hindi katanggap-tanggap, ngunit tayo ang dahilan ng paghihirap na kanyang dinaranas.

Naisip ko na, bakit nga ba minahal natin ang isa't-isa? Kung ikaw lang naman sa atin ang nasasaktan ng malubha? Isang tanong na binulong ko sa langit, na parehong nilulunod ang paningin ng mga bituing na kailanma'y hindi ko masusungkit.

Patawad, mundo. Mahal na mahal kita. Patawad dahil hindi ko alam kung mahal ka pa rin ba ng iba.

Ang mga tulang ito ay hindi man ang pinakamahusay sa lahat, ngunit kailangan pa bang alamin kung ito ay binuhos ko mula sa aking pusong maraming linalaman?

Magkikita tayong muli pagkatapos ng labing-isang tula.

(Paalala para sa mga banyaga: Labing-isa, maghintay ka bago mo maintindihan ang iyong binabasa.)

Pag-uulit

Siya ang gabi, at ikaw ang buwan.

Dumating ang araw

Iyak

Sa isang lugar na kung saan

Mga tanong na hindi nasagot

Hardin

Isang inang nagaabang nag pag-asa

Ang anak, naghahanap ng pagmamahal

Namatay na ang hardin

Pag-aalangan

May mga bagay akong kinatatakutan

Ang mga bisyong hindi ko matakasan

Hiling ko sana'y hindi na ako matakot.

Nakakalito

Pag-ibig sadyang nakakalito

Sapagkat napakatulin ng iyong pagtakbo.

Pag-asa Para sa Mga Bulaklak

Pakiusap, sana diligan mo naman sila.

Hinawakan ng iyong daliri

Sumpa

Hangin, tubig, lupa at apoy

Biniyayaan sila ng misteryo

Ang lupa at apoy

Panaghoy

Nakatutulog ako tuwing may bagyo.

Nagagalit ako tuwing nakakaramdam

Diyamante

Madalas hinahanap ng mga babae

Naadik sa kanya ang isang perlas,

Buti pa ang mga bato

Tamlumpu’t Isang Pahina

Sinabi nilang mahusay ako.

Ano nga bang meron sa hinaharap?

Ako ay dapat nakasulat sa ika-tatlumpu't isang pahina.

Paalam! (A written post to section the Filipino poems and the English poems)

Sa nakaraang pahina ay nagtapos ang parada ng mga tula. Masaya na ang aking kalooban dahil nailagay ko na rin sila sa lugar na kanilang dapat paglagyan. Sa ngayon ako muna'y mamamaalam, dahil ako naman ay magsusulat sa ibang wika ng isang liham na mayaman din sa tula.

Hindi naman ako kagalingan, ngunit wala na akong ibang pinaghuhugutan. Ang pag-ibig ay hindi ko man nailarawan sa mga tula, naipahiwatig ko naman ang aking naintindihan dito. At dahil sa pakikinig ko sa kwento ng iba't ibang tao, marami na din akong natutunang aral galing sa kanila.

Huwag tayong mawawalan ng pag-asa. Hindi natin kailangang pilitin masagot ang lahat ng ating itinanong, dahil may mga katotohanang magdadala pa sa iyo sa mga mas mapanlinlang pang kasinungalingan.

Hearts (An Overheard Conversation)

"Can I touch your heart?"

"Well, no, you cannot."

"Why so?"

"You have to open me up first, an you will never know how painful it is."

"Oh. I apologize for being rude."

"You know, people like you are rare. People with genuine care are rare."

"How could you say that?"

"People who came were crows who opened me up and touched my heart. Some even have nails too sharp that it left a scar."

"What's worse is that they spoke no words while tearing me open. I reckon the times I feel nothing, my cries for mercy withered away, and I heard my own silence."

"I feel really sorry. I shouldn't have asked. It's my mistake. I sincerely apologize."

"It's natural for you to feel sorry, but don't be. After all, you won't like the hideous sight I've been keeping inside me."

"I should stay away from my ignorance. A treasure chest doesn't always contain luxury."    

The Chase

"Perhaps hopeless isn't a place."

Embroidery

They were series of dreams

Define

The fish swam in the sea

Fear crept in its veins

Flight

Sometimes, it's good to be free.

Oh no, there is an approaching storm

Promise

I sat at the back, feeling discouraged.

L O V E

I haven't found it yet but still searching.

Is it really love?

Is it love when we only think of bliss?

I see the paper.

Questions From a Mutual

Is the flower pretty?

I love you dearly

Hesitant

Silence is asking for a dance.

Aurora spoke in eloquence.

"I miss silence"

The existence of silence, my heart beating

Tsunami

If pain is never permanent

Asking

Troubled lots of times

The clouds are speaking the truth.

Strangers

Timid was my perfect profile.

We are two celestial bodies embracing.

Gradient

Why are we distant?

Cashmere skies, reflected your dreamy eyes.

Abundance

I woke up from my bed of roses.

On The Shelf

"Hey moon, please forget to fall down."

Tearing worlds apart, crossing the black hole

Just In Case

This world, a chaotic place.

Now just in case,

Alive?

Sometimes, it's good to be alive.

I wrote during the midnight,

The Good Side

Wasteland became a home.

Dreams have fallen

How Could I?

Should Valentine's last long?

The chase is pointed at me

But they didn't.

Pieces of You

No, I can't fly without wings.

You thought you fell on clouds,

Question: Are you the lost fallen angel?

Delete

Delete the sea in your mind

You sat, barely listening

Tired?

A house built from cards.

There are at least three questions

Saints

Here they are, dancing.

Their lips spoke a prayer.

Evocative

Honestly, I feel tired

Who knows when I'm writing this?

Haven

When I was a star, I loved being warm.

100 Letters

The crack of dusk

Feels like slowly spreading ink.

The rising sun

Is she blinding someone?

I wanted everything to be perfect.

There's a list of wishes

But they feel like I'm becoming more

Hopeless.

Voiceless at 9 o’ clock

Moments, rooms, voices

The house is filled with voices.

It has such clear windows.

But once destroyed by hopeless

All these shows

Are gone by morning.

Perhaps even late in the evening,

Where wild hearts are sleeping.

Voiceless, hopeless is screaming.

Swimming Pools

Things hit rock bottom.

It feels heaven to be in love

Why does it feel hell to break in half?

The swimming pools are calming underneath.

Morning

Parties are fun, do you want to lose your mind?

I tainted my mind with lust.

The throne is made of gold,

Torn in Two

I believed that in this world,

My hopes are as high as a tower.

The cards have cut a slit in my chest.

Misinterpretation

Even if I don't want you to expect much,

Hello, this is me.

I'm a stranger.

Play

She loved the mystery of love.

Why is love serious with their games?

Nemesis granted me a pill.

I wished to be in love.

And now I'm aware that I'm included in this mystery.

Solitude

Pardon, I know you're getting tired.

Sunny, happy, and care-free

We both need rest.

February

Could be as sweet as honey

February, could be a common name

Be safe in playing with the cards.

They are dangerous, all the time.

Wishing Wells

Wishing wells are one of our old spells.

Possibly, we fail.

It's for you to be happy.

H a l f w a y

A variety of poems.

I.

Bubbles float in the virtual world.

I couldn't care less.

My mind, a deep chasm.

Our hearts, disconnecting

But our dreams, slowly forming.

II.

Crimson filled the cloudy afternoon.

The sun cries with vivid tears.

They chose to escape this disaster,

The stars became blind.

Now I see, that the night is gone.

III.

Obsessed with perfection

Obsessed with the passion

Is this the place where they belong?

Or is this another illusion?

IV.

Wistful, I pride for my ocean.

Why do I feel like I'm inside a whirlpool?

I wonder what is going on.

V.

Instead, why am I receiving worlds?

VI.

We are finally on the first lap.

How can I say things

You're halfway.

Can you offer time to stay?

His Story

I | Sculpture

It is a sculpture of a heart

II | Squares

It is a Polaroid

III | Barrier

It is a wall

IV | Puzzle

False discoveries.

V | Things That Grow

Thus, he expanded mulch.

VI | Location

He planted the roots of a musical note.

He called it his true sanity.

VII | Evening

It was dark.

VIII | Oblivion

It was cold.

IX | Creature

His creature, now a monster.

X | Unsolved

A domino of film is played.

Warmth.

XI | Idle

His eyes closed contently.

XII | His Epilogue

Without anyone knowing

Blue

You are deep.

You may not be the heart's color,

But you are here, a peaceful harbor.

Red

I spotted you walking with an old friend named Rose.

Why do I see nothing but violence

I heard you sing with passion.

Even more alive.

Yellow

I see you in between.

You shine so bright.

Avalon

Now, this is a childhood tale.

It might be a sequence.

Avalon, better left as an enigma.

Exit - I end here. Goodbye, friend old.

[cagarcher]

Pítima.

Me despierto a mitad de la noche con la respiración agitada, toco mi frente y noto como estoy sudando, he tenido una pesadilla, de manera torpe camino hacia el baño de mi habitación y al mirarme al espejo, veo mis ojos hinchados, trato de recordar desde qué hora me he dormido, pero, por más que lo intento, es en balde. Es como si automáticamente mi mente hubiera borrado las últimas que han transcurrido. Miro la repisa del baño con las puertas completamente abiertas y noto que la  botella de whisky que escondo dentro de la misma, está acomodada de manera diferente y más vacía de lo que me parece haberla dejado la última vez.

Regreso a la cama, tropezando entre el desorden de mi habitación y  miro la hora en mi móvil, es media noche, doy una palmada fuerte sobre mi frente maldiciéndome a mí misma, desbloqueo el móvil después de dos intentos fallidos y noto que tengo 8 llamadas perdidas de Ana y 20 mensajes sin leer 

- ¿Dónde estás? Me dice en el último. Es en ese momento es cuando recuerdo que iríamos al cumpleaños de Alexandra. Prendo la luz de mi habitación y miro el vestido color escarlata que me mira desde la esquina de mi habitación, intentando decirme algo que no logro entender, cojo mi móvil nuevamente y empiezo a llamar desesperadamente a Ana. 

- Perdón me he queda... - Antes de que termine la frase, me interrumpe.

- Vamos por ti en veinte minutos, más vale que estés lista - Por su tono de voz, comienzo a hacerme conjeturas y supongo que ha estado bebiendo, quizá demasiado.

Cuidadosamente abro la puerta de mi habitación y camino descalza en el pasillo que da a la recamara de mis padres y mi hermano, recargo mi oído en la puerta blanca desgastada y escucho roncar a mis padres.

Si me fugo por unas horas, nadie lo notará, pienso. Regreso a mi habitación y comienzo a desenredar mi cabello, lo peino rápidamente en una coleta mal hecha y tomo los tacones color negro que me han regalado de cumpleaños y nunca uso, me miro en el espejo y me avergüenzo por lo corto que me parece de repente el vestido, busco en mi closet unas medias, pero antes de que logre encontrarlas, me comienza a marcar nuevamente Ana.

- Estamos en la esquina, ya sal - Me dice y detrás de ella, escucho la risa de un hombre, quizá dos.

- Mierda - Digo, cojo mi bolsa y abandono mi recamara de manera silenciosa, bajo las escaleras que dan a la entrada de la casa descalza y al llegar a la cocina, como un poco del pay que mi mamá ha dejado en el refrigerador, abrocho mis tacones y salgo corriendo hacia la puerta. 

Antes de llegar al coche, veo a Ana haciéndome una seña desde el copiloto, que no logro entender y al ver el Audi impecable,  pienso que su novio se ha unido a la fiesta. Veo a alguien sentado en el asiento trasero del auto y me quedo atónita por un momento, sé que es alguien que no he visto antes. 

- ¿Qué esperas carajo? - Me grita Ana, detrás del cristal que ahora ha bajado un poco y noto, por su aspecto, lo que supuse hace unos minutos. Sí, ha estado bebiendo, demasiado.

Subo al auto y al acomodarme en el asiento trasero del mismo, Ana comienza a hablar, nos presenta , ojalá alguien le dijera lo mal que se escucha:

- Él es Daniel, un amigo de Carlos.

- De la oficina - Dice Carlos. 

Yo prefiero reservarme cualquier gesto de cordialidad, al darme cuenta que Daniel me está mirando las piernas y sonrío nerviosa, sin mostrar los dientes, solo por unos segundos, para después desviar mi mirada hacia la ventana. El novio de Ana, sube el volumen del estéreo, Like a stone, comienza a escucharse a todo volumen en el auto y mientras me pierdo mirando la nada, escucho la voz de Daniel, volteo por un momento y  lo veo gesticular, pero no logro entender nada de lo que está diciendo. 

Me quedo unos minutos observándolo, mientras él sigue hablando, pienso en lo atractivo que es, le encuentro cierto parecido a alguien que he visto antes, pero no recuerdo a quien.

Después de un largo camino, hemos llegado por fin, antes de que Ana baje del auto, su novio se aproxima a la puerta del copiloto y le ayuda a bajar, pienso en lo elegante que es su vestido, negro de lentejuelas, con manga larga y con un escote en la espalda, la miro caminar y veo que a penas se puede sostener, Carlos la sostiene del brazo. Mientras ellos se alejan yo empiezo a buscar desesperadamente mi labial en mi bolso, antes de bajar del auto, aplico un labial rojo sobre mis labios y miro de reojo a Daniel observándome. Una vez que he terminado de maquillarme un poco, alzo la mirada y de manera casi retadora, le pregunto:

- ¿Qué ves?

Él únicamente se limita a soltar una carcajada.

Caminamos hacia la entrada de la casa de Alexandra, ya en el portón de herrería, escucho un montón de ruido y una canción de fondo, me entran por un momento unas ganas ridículas de bailar, Daniel toma uno de mis brazos y lo une al suyo, se ríe al darse cuenta de que no pongo resistencia y me pregunta:

- ¿No has traído con qué abrigarte? - Y al unisono de su voz, escucho un trueno. 

- No - Respondo secamente.

Un huésped nos abre la puerta, después de esperar unos minutos afuera. La noche era fría y yo comenzaba a impacientarme. 

Después de caminar por el pasto perfectamente podado que da hacia la puerta de la casa, Alexandra abre y en el momento en el que recargo mi barbilla en su hombro, veo detrás de ella un montón de personas esparcidas en toda la iluminada y costosa sala que acaban de adquirir sus padres, mis ojos se mueven rápidamente en busca de Ana, pero fallo en el intento. 

- ¿Has visto a Ana? - Le pregunto a Alexandra una vez que me ha soltado. 

Y ella me dice, segura de si.

- Debe de estar en el tocador. Ha bebido muchísimo.

No necesitas decírmelo, pienso. 

Daniel y yo buscamos un espacio en el cual poder sentarnos y solo encontramos un espacio reducido en uno de los sillones, nos miramos a los ojos y después nos intentamos acomodar en el mismo, siento su respiración en mi nuca y comienzo a sentirme incómoda. A un lado de nosotros una mujer atractiva de aproximadamente veintiocho años, perfectamente maquillada y con cabello rubio, se ríe nerviosamente con un hombre que parece que acaba de conocer. No encuentro un rastro de química en ellos, solo fricción. 

Alexandra se acerca a nosotros y nos pregunta qué queremos beber. Dejo que Daniel responda por los dos. Unos minutos después, ya que el silencio incómodo que había entre los dos estaba a punto de colapsar, nos acerca dos copas de whisky.

- Gracias  -  le digo y posteriormente a eso la veo alejándose, perdiéndose entre la multitud.  

Daniel mira sus caderas, sin importarle ahora el hecho de que lo estoy viendo.

- ¿La conoces? - Le pregunto, irritada. 

- Salió con mi hermano hace un tiempo - Me dice él y de nuevo penetra sus ojos en los míos. Es hasta ese momento cuando me doy cuenta de lo oscuros que son.

- ¿Y qué tal las cosas con Esteban? - Ana nos ha dicho en el auto que probablemente habían discutido, por eso fuimos por ti.

Lo miro y trato de disimular lo incómoda que me es su pregunta y lo incómodo que me es darme cuenta de que quizá Ana, por su estado ha dicho cosas que no debieron salir de su boca.

- Eso no es asunto tuyo - Le digo, bastante seria. 

- Solo estoy intentando platicar un poco - Me dice ya con un tinte de molestia en su voz y se incorpora frente a mí.

- ¿A dónde vas? - Le pregunto como reclamándole 

- Tranquila, ya vuelvo. Voy por otra copa - Me dice mientras me guiña el ojo. 

- Tráeme una más también a mí - Le grito mientras se aleja. 

Volteo a mi derecha y miro a la pareja de a lado besándose apasionadamente, mientras él toca el cabello de ella con suavidad. Al notar que los observo lo veo abrir lentamente sus ojos y en seguida, aparto mi mirada, incómoda y apenada.

Mientras busco a Daniel entre las personas, me doy cuenta de que Carlos está riéndose con una chica de cabello pelirrojo bastante atractiva, sus rostros están bastante cerca. Lo observo desde lo lejos, tratando de que note el hecho de que lo estoy viendo, alza la mirada y me ve pero ni siquiera se inmuta. 

Daniel regresa con un par de copas para nosotros y mientras se acerca veo como acapara la mirada de dos chicas que están sentadas frente a nosotros, su camisa perfectamente planchada y pulcra es bonita, da el aspecto de ser nueva y a pesar de que lleva el cabello despeinado y sus ojeras insinúan que no ha dormido en tres noches, me gusta.  

Comienzo a beber esta vez ya sin tener auto control de mí misma y sin estar del todo consciente de lo que estoy tomando. Veo como Daniel vacía dos pastillas en cada una de nuestras copas y a pesar de tener un mal presentimiento, solo me río. 

- ¿De dónde has conseguido eso? - Le digo, mientras bebo una de las copas.

Noto que responde, pero, ya no lo escucho, la pareja que estaba a un lado de nosotros, se ha esfumado. Estamos solo los dos, sentados en medio del sillón. Pienso en lo ñoños que nos vemos y en que ojalá alguien nos pudiera regalar una foto tomada por una polaroid, para recordar este momento. De un momento a otro me empieza a parecer bastante agradable, aún cuando hace unas horas, me parecía un cretino y entre las platicas, escucho como mi risa comienza a rebotar en las paredes de cristal de la casa, el eco de la misma, me hace creer que todo está bien, aun cuando yo sé muy bien que no. Las chicas que estaban frente a nosotros, me ven y noto como se burlan de alguien, probablemente de mí. 

Bailamos por un momento en medio de la sala y después regresamos al mismo sillón, son las tres y cuarto de la mañana y la casa, por fin parece estar más vacía, me recargo por un momento en su hombro y al sentir lo apacible que es, reconozco internamente que es un lugar en el que me gustaría estar toda la vida, si pudiera. Afuera hay una tormenta pero el volumen de la música me impide escuchar cómo rebotan las gotas de agua en el cristal, sólo veo al huésped entrar y salir de la casa con un enorme paraguas en sus manos, ayudando a las personas que están retirándose, para evitar que terminen empapados. 

Busco a Ana y noto que está platicando a lo lejos con Alexandra, en otro de los sillones, parece más consciente que hace unas horas, Carlos también se ha esfumado entre las personas y yo por más que quiera, no reúno las fuerzas para pararme y preguntarle a mi amiga si está todo bien, mi estado ya es deplorable.

Daniel tiene una de sus manos apoyada en mis rodillas, busco sus ojos y me doy cuenta de que su esclerótica ha pasado de ser blanca a estar de un color rojo inquietante, está en el mismo estado vulnerable que yo y lo sé, mientras nos miramos, comienza a acariciar mis muslos suavemente y yo me comienzo a sonrojar, se acerca a mí, intentando besarme y es hasta que nuestros labios ya están lo suficientemente cerca, cuando pienso en Esteban y digo “basta”.

Lo tomo del pecho y lo aviento hacia atrás.   

- ¿Qué estás haciendo? - Le grito, mientras me bajo el vestido y me levanto de un brinco del sillón. Las pocas personas que hay en sala se quedan en silencio e inclusive la música parece haberse pausado, veo a lo lejos como Ana arquea una de sus perfectas cejas. 

Tomo mi bolso y salgo caminando lo más rápido que mi estado me permite  hacia la puerta, sigue lloviendo pero no me importa, mientras camino pienso en lo ridícula que debo verme frente a las otras personas, con el rabillo del ojo veo que Daniel está caminando atrás de mí, tratando de alcanzarme y entonces comienzo a correr, a unos metros detrás él, está aproximándose Ana.

Abro la puerta de la casa con esfuerzo y al salir, siento como las gotas de agua empiezan a apuñalarme una a una, el agua está helada, pero lo disfruto, eso es lo que necesitaba para regresar aunque sea por un momento a la realidad, camino hacia la avenida, dejando que las gotas de agua me acribillen, hasta que por fin encuentro un alero y me refugio en el mismo, estoy temblando pero no logro entender si es por el efecto que la droga ha hecho en mi cuerpo o por el frío de la noche, pido un taxi por medio de la aplicación de mi celular notando que tiene un 2% de pila y al alzar la mirada, veo a lo lejos el coche de Carlos, en el mismo lugar donde lo había estacionado, la luz interior está apagada, pero los faros del coche están prendidos, aclaro mis ojos y es ahí cuando veo que hay una chica sentada en el asiento del copiloto, noto que se están besando. En medio de toda mi ira y mi ebriedad, pienso por un momento en Ana, cruzo nuevamente la avenida y le hago señas a Daniel, el cual está a pasos de alcanzarme, pasos más atrás está Ana, camino rápidamente hasta encontrarme frente a frente con él y le pido que regrese, que regrese a la casa con Ana, pero es tarde. Ella ha visto a Carlos.

- Ana - Le grito, pero ella parece inmersa en sus pensamientos, veo cómo se queda en shock por un instante y noto como sus ojos verdes comienzan a oscurecerse lentamente, parece un reptil a punto de cazar a su presa, comienza a correr y una vez que se encuentra a un lado de la puerta del copiloto, comienza a pegarle a la ventana del carro con su celular, una, dos, tres veces, mientras grita, miro nuevamente a Daniel y le digo:

- Ve por ella.

Mientras Daniel va hacia ella, yo busco el momento para escaparme de todo ese escenario de mierda y aunque me gustaría quedarme, sé que mis padres pueden estarme buscando,  después de unos minutos que parecieron horas, llega el taxi. Me subo al vehículo y mientras avanza, miro por la luneta a la chica pelirroja que platicaba con Carlos hace unas horas, bajarse del auto y a Ana, avalansandose sobre Carlos, Daniel me mira desde lejos y se despide de mí, haciendo un gesto con su mano. 

Antes de llegar a casa, le pido al conductor que retrocedamos y vayamos a la Avenida Moscú, me mira y antes de que logre decir una palabra, le digo:

- Carguelo a la tarjeta. 

Al llegar a la avenida le pido que se siga derecho hasta llegar a la esquina y después doble a la derecha, hemos llegado a la casa de Christian. Miro hacia la planta alta y veo una luz prendida, son las cuatro de la mañana y toda la casa está a oscuras, menos, su habitación, bajo del auto un momento y le pido al conductor que me espere, me sitúo frente a su casa y me quedo mirando hacia arriba, dejando que las gotas de la tormenta que está por despedirse, caigan sobre mi rostro, cierro mis ojos y dejo que mis lagrimas poco a poco inunden mis mejillas, pienso que no soy más que una pieza rota de un rompecabezas y que al estar rota, nunca voy a encajar del todo, con nadie, con nada. Quisiera gritarle: “estoy aquí, te extraño”, pero sé que sería inútil. 

La lluvia, mi llanto y yo comenzamos a tocar una sinfonía triste. 

- ¿Por qué siempre te tienes que aferrar a cosas imposibles? - Me reprimo. Regreso al auto con la cara empapada y el maquillaje destrozado, avanzamos unas cuadras más y por fin llego a casa, miro a mi madre con los brazos cruzados abriendo la puerta de la entrada, en bata y con un aspecto escalofriante, me bajo del auto azotando la puerta y cuando me encuentro a metros de casa, ella se acerca a mí, me da una cachetada  y me dice:

- Llevamos marcándote horas, ¿Dónde estabas? - Me grita y miro sus ojos casi desorbitados, sé que ha estado llorando, pero no me inquieta. 

No digo una sola palabra y continuo caminando hacia la entrada, subo las escaleras hacia mi recamara mientras mi padre me persigue sin parar de insultarme y al llegar a mi recamara, me encierro, doy un portazo en la cara de mi padre y aseguro la puerta. Tomo asiento en mi cama y antes de desplumarme sobre el mismo, veo como una sombra delgada me mira a lo lejos, poco a poco se acerca hacia mi y ya que está demasiado cerca, se sienta a mi lado, posa su mano sobre mi edredón color lavanda y antes de que diga algo, me adelanto a hablar:

- Estás aquí - Le digo a mi depresión, con un tono de voz imperceptible. 

Escucho un golpe fuerte en la puerta y a mi padre gritar por detrás de ella, mientras lo ignoro y me aferro a ella, intentando encontrar un cobijo.  

Autora: Claudia Adriana García Hernández

[fmdtaeyongarchive]

January 1, 2018: Soundcloud user kwonsongs uploaded a new audio: “New Year’s Day (cover)”

date: december 30, 2017

word count: 1,889 without lyrics

summary: really just me making up for never doing the cover festival para on ash combined with your run of the mill “new year, new me” para. it’s not super important character development but i wanted to establish kinda where he is as the year starts and he’s being emo again and this really might make more sense if i posted the other self-para with stuff that happens before this self-para but that would be too logical, right?

notes:  i really wrote a self-para with taylor swift lyrics in it. f/anfi/ction.net is shaking. anyway this takes the place of that one para i wrote in october as my least favorite piece of writing even though it took a month and a half to write. just me.... constantly outdoing myself for the worse.

“Hold on to the memories; they will hold on to you.”

The night is darkest just before the dawn was a cliche Ash had repeated to himself (and had sung to him in slightly different words by Florence + the Machine through his headphones) numerous times in the past few years . He clung to the times it’d been proven right, but he’d seen how once the dawn had passed into the joyful brightness of mid-day, it could only go back downhill from there. He wanted to hope 2018 would be the dawn followed by a long summer day after the darkness of the past two years, but hope was hard to come by these days.

Time to sit down and record covers was rare lately, too. Two had been uploaded in December before his album dropped, but they’d been recorded in the two months before. Usually he’d play keyboard to accompany himself after picking the song and working out the legal licenses, but he just couldn’t do this one without a piano, so he’d gotten special permission to use one of the BC vocal lesson rooms to sit down at a real piano in a room with good acoustics. His hands ghosted over the black and white keys and he smiled to himself at the all too familiar press of his fingers on each one.

This was his home, more so than a music show stage or even a dance practice room. He’d never felt more comfortable than behind a piano. He’d been playing piano for longer than his memory went back. After eighteen years, it was the most natural thing for his body to do, more than breathing itself. There’d been a time he’d thought his destiny laid with the instrument in front of him. Becoming a world famous pianist wasn’t the most practical dream in this day and age, but when he was only a kid, it was what he’d wanted and he’d been too optimistic to doubt himself.

He couldn’t see that little kid in himself anymore.

Ash sat down at the bench and played the song’s first few notes to make sure the instrument was tuned. Recording his covers could often be an emotional ordeal sinc he rarely wasted his time with songs he couldn’t connect to. His soundcoud account was the closest thing to a diary he had other than his own songwriting notebooks. Millions of people could listen to them, but would they ever know who his love songs and songs of heartbreak went out to? Hansol. Daeun. Yoonah. His feelings for all three of them over the past two years had been documented on the public platform, but he’d never even told them they were about them, much like he didn’t tell them about most of the original songs he’d composed with them in mind. Music, whether it be written by others or written by himself, spoke volumes more than plain words ever could. It was more intimate and vulnerable than a simple exchange of words. Something so real was bound to frighten even the bravest of hearts, something Ash had never claimed to have.

Ash’s love of Taylor Swift songs had become so well-known that it was nearly a joke now, but he’d connected with the song he was going to play from the first time he’d heard it. For all of the dramatic and unrealistic notions he had of romance, the simple idea of an enduring love was one that appealed him to most now after so much self-inflicted heartbreak. On a deeper level than romance, he wanted to be a good person to everyone he loved in any sense. Not just his boyfriend, but also his friends and his parents. His nature had long led him to run from conflict, but he never wanted to be the type of person who hurt others because of his selfishness ever again.

It was a vast improbability that his wish would come to fruition. Ash had never wanted to hurt others, but he still did, so why should he think he could change? It was a flaw in the code of his nature that he was still struggling desperately to accept, but he didn’t have to accept it today. He just had to open up for the sake of music.

The song was easy to play, which was a godsend since he still felt weak from the night before. Life went on and this would help him, he hoped. Music was therapy when the universe didn’t allow him time for the real kind. But he could only rely on a substitute for so long before it ruined him.

The expensive audio recording set up had already been arranged, so he let a few moments of silence linger in the air after hitting record before he deftly began the one bar intro.

“There's glitter on the floor after the party. Girls carrying their shoes down in the lobby. Candle wax and Polaroids on the hardwood floor. You and me from the night before but...”

The words flowed from his diaphragm as naturally as a nursery rhyme. The beginning was easy to get through, a visualization of the words taking over his mind. He hadn’t been to many parties, at least not the kinds of ragers at fraternities people his age were supposed to be going to. He’d been to plenty of stuffy industry events where there was no glitter and no Polaroids, only fake smiles and the bright flash of press cameras. Recently, he’d also been to plenty of clubs, with their strobe lights and deafening bass, but that was a hollow substitute. Parties with real laughter and a large group of close friends genuinely enjoying being in each other’s company were a distant dream to him. If he could stop pushing people away, would that help him live the idealistic image of his early twenties or was that another sacrifice he’d laid at the altar of BC Entertainment almost nine years ago with no hope of ever experiencing?

“Don’t read the last page. But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you’re turning away.”

The song began to hit home much earlier than he would have liked. How tempting it would be to be able to know how everything ended in advance. At the end of his life, would he be happy? Would he finally know what happiness was? Would he grow old with someone who could somehow love him despite his never-ending failures or would he continue to disappoint everyone? Would he still be remembered as nothing more than the list of labels that his scandals had branded him with? Attention-seeker. Womanizer. Playboy. Cradle robber. An embarrassment.

Would he continue to sabotage the relationships that meant the most to him? Would his friends admit they only kept him around because they had pitied him and finally leave him for good?

Would he end up truly as alone as he already felt on his worst nights, an isolated man with nothing to keep him going?

His fingers tensed as he played, but he continued, his eyes falling closed as he bit the inside of his bottom lip to center himself. He couldn’t let his thoughts go there. Not now. He needed to get this cover out.

“I want your midnights, But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day.”

Ash’s New Year’s Eve would be spent on a broadcast, but the idea of a trashed room wasn’t unfamiliar to him. After the adrenaline of brushing lips with someone who tasted as much of wine as he did when the clock hit twelve passed, so came the hangover. Hangovers were a normal side effect of life for Ash by now. During his album promotions, he’d pushed through a pounding head and dry throat to do an early show recording a few times. It wasn’t professional and it wasn’t pleasant, but he was beginning to feel he didn’t owe BC the former and the latter was a feeling too uncommon in his line of work to start with.

“You squeeze my hand three times in the back of the taxi. I can tell that it's going to be a long road. I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe. Or if you strike out and you're crawling home.”

The lyrics hadn’t affected him so much when he was practicing, but now it felt like his chest was shaking from the weight of the words he was singing. Ash wished he wasn’t recording so that he could let himself cry, to obstruct the words before they left his lips, but he’d been crying too much lately that he didn’t know he had it in him anymore.

Being loved had always been Ash’s source of validation. He wasn’t unaware of that fact. He didn’t know where it came from; it wasn’t as if he’d been left wanting for love and affection in his childhood, and yet he so badly needed people to care about him. But when they did, he told himself they’d see the light sooner or later. Every time, he hoped it would happen before he could ruin it like he always did. In the moment he had love, it was nice, but it was a vicious cycle and the true satisfaction that he yearned for it never came.

Naked sincerity rang in his words still. He lived for love when there was so little else to live for, and he sang the verse with every last atom of his being meaning the words he recited, but his mind never let his heart be at peace. He didn’t deserve to sing those words. He’d abandoned so many people at different times, in different ways.

And he’d been abandoned in turn back when his scandal had broken. Friends and acquaintances had stopped contacting him because he was a star plummeting to the ground from a spot in the sky that had been so delicate to begin with. People he’d thought liked him for him revealed they were fair-weather friends only interested in his status as a member of BC’s current hot boy group. That’s all he was to many. All he’d ever be. To the public, status as a living, breathing human was the only thing with which being in Knight hadn’t gifted him. “Three strikes, you’re out turned into “one strike, you’re unforgivable”.

“Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you. Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you. Hold on to the memories, they will hold on to you. And I will hold on to you.”

Blocking out everything he was feeling so that he could get through the song wasn’t going to happen. Sometimes Ash felt incomparably numb and sometimes he experienced so many emotions it felt like he’d burst, but those were the only two options lately and he had no control over when each decided to show up. He should be appreciating all of the gifts life had given him—a loving family, friends who cared about him (for now), a healthy body, a job that offered him a salary most twenty-two year olds and most idols alike could only dream of making, but none of that was ever enough for him to feel genuinely happy. He tried, he did, but his mind always dragged him back down and disappointment at his own ungratefulness only made it worse.

“Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere. Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere.”

As Ash played the final notes of the song, he thought about how being able to look back on the next year with fondness when he was old and graying was the most he could ever ask for. It would be another year under BC, another year doing music with Knight he rarely enjoyed performing, and another year of being too busy to spend enough time with anyone other than his manager, but if he put it out into the world that he wanted this year to be better (that he wanted himself to get better), there was the slightest chance the stars would hear his cry for help. He’d tried everything else in vain, so what harm was there in letting the exhaustion of trying finally take over him and letting the universe do the trying instead?

[melrose-vincent]

The Night Of

Time frame: The Night of the Party (as mentioned in the revamped bio)  Location: The Hospital Notes: Melrose tries to make sense of the night as she sits in the Hospital waiting to hear about Javier. (aka me trying to  get into Melrose’s head space by doing a past para)

It was eerily silent as Melrose sat next to Perrie in the hospital hallway. She glanced over noting that in as long as she had known the youngest Cruz, she had never seen all of the sibling’s together. There wasn’t much she didn’t know about his life, which was why she had found unusually uninteresting sight to be the one thing allowing her to focus on everything that had transpired earlier that night.

In a way it felt like a complete blur and she had finally had enough time and clarity to think about how it happened. Brief flashing images of a night out she didn’t want to have littered her mind. If there was anything that could have been done differently, she wasn’t sure it would have helped  the situation. Javier had still been stabbed, Perrie had still taken punches, rich people she had been once associated with, grew to be even less like the people she wanted to become.

The fact had been true before, but the night only magnified it. The next time her mother forced her on another one of these dates with a jerk she was going to flat out refuse no matter what. There was physical evidence now that her old life had serious ramifications.

Once the first punch had been thrown, Melrose was taken by surprise. All of this started because of some ego trip Bob was having. This was not how she wanted to spend her night at all. In fact it would have been near the bottom of the list of things she wanted right next to getting a facial from a piece of coral. Chaos had erupted in front of her inebriated eyes and soon the push would become a brawl. She had to do something and fast before someone died. A less dramatic person wouldn’t have thought things could go that far, but anyone with their finger on the pulse of what was happening in Rosewood would have seen the tension that was building between her friends and the people she had formerly associated with.

As she sat silent still in her seat, listening to the sound of some clock she couldn’t see clicking away the seconds, there was nothing she could do in that moment other than wait.

She knew some of the blame would fall on her for how the night had gone, but it wasn’t her fault that she had the crown prince of pigs thrust in her path. People were only responsible for their own actions and people were foolish to believe someone should be blamed for someone else's deeds. She didn’t fall into this situation entirely on her own. She was pushed into it by a mother who really needed to pay attention to a person's character and not their societal standing. Based on what she had seen of Bob, he was the scum of the earth and he was trying destroy her friends.

The high she was riding with Perrie hours before had come crashing down in an instant.

The guy was nothing but a series of red flags before he had even walked to the door that evening. He saved all his charm for her mother and Melrose knew the game before Bob had even uttered his first hello to her. There were a million guys who had a habit of charming a girl's mother just to get in a family's good graces and then turn into s near sociopath as the date started. She had pinned the kind of guy he was from the beginning and she was right.

At first she had tried to reason with her mother to prevent her current situation. She expressed that seeing someone meant it interfered with her studies and after school activities. Sure, she had given up a good portion of them for spending time with Perrie and hanging out at SLCK KAT, but that wasn’t an important part of the argument. It didn’t work since her mother explained a boy in her life would make her more well rounded. A boy had already done that and it wasn’t the troglodyte who shoved Perrie . It was also a completely outdated concept.

“It was one date” Her mother had told her.

Famous last words have been uttered in a similar manner. How quickly a stupid phrase could lead them all into sitting in a place that smelled like antiseptic.

She had done a good enough job so far in convincing her parents she was still the same perfect daughter, and with luck they would be none the wiser when she returned home later that night. He would make up some story about getting food after and excuse herself to her room. It was just one more lie in a series of them that showed her distancing away from her endless list of accomplishments and boredom to a more exciting life.

This hadn’t been the excitement she was looking for.  

Her arms felt sore as she ran a free hand down her pale skin. Surely there would be some bruising from the hands who thought holding her and squeezing her arms in place so that she couldn’t intervene was a way to treat someone. And they did hold her for a moment. She had screamed and yelled and tried to pull away before logic had kicked in and her mind went clear. Once her heel went down on his foot her adrenaline kicked in and had to get into the circle where people were starting to form. She had seen Stradlin, but hadn’t noticed the jerk with the hands of a vice had came back into her sight. She wasn’t much of a fighter but once Stradlin took the first step at stopping him, she had to help. Melrose made a note to thank the other when she got a chance.

She had lost sight of things and when she finally made it back to the circle it had all escalated. It was how she had gotten to the point she currently was. Sitting in a hard plastic chair flashing through the night like it had been a series of polaroids being shown at her. If she hadn’t wanted to make a change in her life before tonight, she certainly had a good case for it now. She would make sure to only keep up the act at home. Outside, there was nothing that would convince her to spend time with any richie who thought they were better than the people seated near her. She knew where her loyalty lied and it wasn’t going to waver. It only hardened her resolve and prove that she had made the right decision.

Melrose finally let out a breath she felt like she had been holding in and relaxed. She rested her head on Perrie’s shoulder. He was banged up but the fight was over. They had made good on their promise to ride the crazy out together even if it ended up being this sort of crazy. Now all the could do was wait and hope to hear something positive about Javier’s condition.