#para: love actually

[imsammyclaflin]

Love, Actually || Self Para

Who: Sam Claflin and his Mother, Sue

When: June 26th, 2024

Where: His parent's home in London, England

Notes: Sam's mom planned to throw him a surprise birthday party but as the pair talk, some relevations come to light...

“Mum you don’t have to keep whispering, I know you’re planning to throw me a surprise party tomorrow.” Sam said, rolling his eyes playfully as his mother came into the living room. Sam had escaped to London after his and Lucy’s joint party because the idea of possibly running into Chris again after their awkward encounter was too great for him to risk. And if he was expecting to get over his silly little crush, he couldn’t be around him. He just needed time to get over whatever feelings he had and then it would be back to friends, if Chris still wanted to be friends. Avoidance was never the answer, as Lucy had so clearly pointed out, but for him, it made sense. You can’t have feelings for someone that you never see right?

Except, being away from him, not texting him daily, or at least every other day as was their norm, was gnawing at him. He missed his friend and no matter how much he tried to rationalize what he was doing, telling himself that it would all work out in the end, he knew it wouldn’t. Feelings like his didn’t just disappear by simply disappearing,no all they had done was make them stronger, so strong that he’d run away to England.

His mother scoffed, gently tapping him on the knee. “I don’t know what you’re talk ing about, Sammy, I’m not throwing…”

“The extra baking, the cooking ahead of time? You only do that when you have plans to entertain and since its not a holiday, I put it together. I’m sure Joe would have told me as well, we all know he can’t keep a secret.” He said, chuckling softly before letting out a sigh. “I should be happy but I’m just not in a celebratory mood this year and the last thing I want to do is act the part. I just want to sleep through tomorrow.”

“Oh pis posh, you don’t mean that dear. You love celebrating your birthday.”

“Not this year mum, I’m sorry.” He said, laying down on the couch, resting his head in his mom’s lap like he used to do when he was a child. It was comforting for him and it always signified that a deep meaningful conversation was soon about to start.

“What’s wrong, Sammy? Talk to me.” She inquired, sitting back herself. She could tell something was wrong but she wasn’t going to make him talk if he didn’t want too.

“When you met dad, did you fancy him instantly? Like how did you know that what you were feeling was real and not just excitement at finally having an excuse to leave the house?”

She laughed and shook her head. “I loved your father the moment I met him. No other man before him had ever made my heart thump as wildly or my knees as weak as when he smiled at me. I had a boyfriend at the time and the only thing he made me feel was bad about myself but when I saw your father, I just knew we were going to be together forever.”

“Huh, you never told me that story.” He said, looking up at her.

“You never asked.” She smirked, playing with his hair. “Why do you ask?” Her face taking on a look of curiosity, even though she already had an idea. Sam was never one for subtlety.

“Oh, I…” He trailed, off, biting his lip before sitting up. “I’ve met someone and, and the feelings I get when they’re around, they’re indescribable and I just… they make me so unbelievably happy. When we’re together, its like nothing else matters. I get the sweaty palms, the weak knees, my heart beats so loud, its embarrassing.” He chuckled, shaking his head. "I even got on a Ferris Wheel because of them."

“But?”

“But I can’t… can’t get out of my own goddamn head. Every time I have a brief moment of clarity, my mind takes me back to my failed divorce and messy breakups and it… it won’t allow me to be happy. Laura was supposed to be my soulmate and we didn’t even make it 10 years. What chance do I have going forward?”

“Relationships take effort, my boy, and you have to realize that. You and Laura didn’t work because you were both so busy and rarely saw one another, distance broke you two up. As for you and Cassie, well, I’ll hold my waggler on that one. But the point is, neither of them were who you were meant to be with. Fate has a plan for us all. We don’t all meet our soulmate on the first try. You have to work at it.”

He let out a sigh, running a hand through his hair. “Can I… can I tell you something?”

“Anything.” She grabbed his hand, a concerning smile enveloping her face as she looked into his eyes. “Take your time.”

“I… I’m bisexual. And the person that I mentioned earlier. It’s… it’s a guy.” He paused, feeling a little lighter now that he had confessed. He still wasn't sure how his mom would handle the news of her son being part of the LGBTQIA+ community but he knew it wouldn't be negatively.

“Honey I know. I’ve always known.” She said, offering him a kind smile.

Sam looked up at her quizzically. “You have?”

“Its our job to recognize these things and you weren’t so subtle in your glances at your soccer mates. I wasn't completely sure until I saw you arse checking Tommy but hey, I don't judge.” She smirked, giving him a wink.

“Mum!” He laughed, shoving her shoulder playfully. He felt free for the first time in a really long time. It felt nice to be able to joke about this now that the weight was off his shoulders.

“You’re still my Samuel and nothing will change that. We love you, the world loves you and you’re going to be alright, kiddo. You just have to tell yourself that you want to be. Tell those intrusive thoughts to fuck off and be your true self finally. Stop listening to the negative thoughts because at the end of the day, that's all they are. Thoughts. You are the one that is giving them power by choosing to believe them, by not giving yourself a chance at true happiness. You deserve everything you want in life, including this boy, and you need to stop choosing the negative and focus on all the good. Kids these days need people like you to guide them, to show them that it’s okay to be their authentic selves.”

“That’s a lot of pressure.” He said, a look of worry on his face.

“But you’re not alone in the fight. You have allies. And you'll have your partner by your side if you so choose.” She said, smirking. “Now, I’m going to go make us some tea and you can tell me all about this boy you like.”

“Love, actually. I… I love him.” He said, finally admitting it out loud to himself. Saying those words, it was like he was slapped in the face with all of their interactions from the very beginning, it came rushing back to him in a moment of pure clarity. “I’m so sorry mum, I can’t stay for tea. I have… I have to go.”

She smiled, leaning in to kiss him on the cheek before handing him his coat. “Happy Birthday, my love. Call me when you land.”

“I love you too. And thank you. For everything.”

END

[badendprince]

Slicing you open autopsy style and fist fucking your insides while you're still alive and aware.

[teratophillia]

With all my heart I want to make someone suffer. Beyond all the physical suffering and all the torture, which I obviously enjoy, I want to ruin someone's life.

I want to make them feel miserable, disgusting, unworthy of love or pity. I want to plunge them into absolute depression, cause them an eating disorder, get them addicted to drugs, alcohol and self-harm, and make them feel that they are only loved when they are hyper sexualized or mutilated.

I want to have someone absolutely dependent on me, who, no matter what I do, will never abandon me, because any abuse is less painful than the agony of being alone. Because they know that, at this point, no one will love them more than I do.

I want to ruin someone's mind beyond repair, and enjoy their decay every day. I want to ruin their life. Wouldn't that be beautiful?

[break-a-neck]

I hate being touch deprived. It feels so empty. It feels like there's an empty space in between my arms. I need to hold someone who will give equally returned love.

[necroseptic]

What was one of your best achievements as a doctor? Maybe the most vile thing you've ever done. o.O

hmmm, my best achievement as a doctor was probably being able to cut my partner while explaining exactly what i’m doing— and for the most vile thing? probably licking his boots clean after i threw up on his fingers

[sixk-mutt]

Maybe it's the episode talking but fuck!! I need to be inside of him right now, I need to feel how his heart beats only for me, I need to brand his skin with my touch, he's mine and he doesn't need anyone else

[dead-air-radio]

Need to be the beloved lamb of a cult and have the leader publicly mark me in front of his followers by fucking me and carving his signature into me.

[simplygoingmadd]

[insertc0olusername]

Sorry for posting alot,people.but thought I should share my collection of sensory slugs : ]

[t-u-i-t-c]

make me choose

parad or jin → parad

[shakingparadigm]

I desperately want to see Ivan with longer hair like in the one child flashback if anything could turn Till gay it would be that

I had a draft on here about Ivan joining the rebellion and growing his hair out long!! ROUND 6 released and absolutely DASHED my hopes of course but it was nice to look back on how blindly optimistic I was haha.... ha....

Anyways. Yes. Ivan with long hair. I think he'd look good with it in a low ponytail maybe... or braided hair.... I've seen AUs where Ivan stayed in the slums and he absolutely rocks a mullet. It's a shame Unsha and Nigeh are so keen on keeping their pets well groomed and proper (Ivan and Sua's hair is so perfectly cut and it stayed that way for basically their whole lives). Ivan with a mullet... Sua with the same hair length she had in the angel/devil art with Mizi.... wah..... they'd look so good.

I think a lot about the fact that Till is so fixated on Mizi's long hair and I wonder if he'd start growing fond of Ivan's hair too if he grew it out (Till braiding flowers into Ivan's hair and insisting it's just practice even though he adjusts the style into something he thinks would fit Ivan specifically... Ivan feeling warm at the touch of Till's hands in his hair.... aauuuuooiighhh)

[badendprince]

You know, for all the fancy, intricate ways I'd claim you eternally, there really is nothing quite like the classic knife blade directly across your throat.

[joltning]

Actually no you know what. Actually criminal temple only gets like. A sniper and a magnum one of which he like, shares with buckey. give him the biggest and or flashiest and or most flamboyant and or most annoying weapon possible. it’s a war setting? ok who gaf. the world is his stage and I’ll be damned if it don’t look like one

[break-a-neck]

Crying I need creepy anons ☹️

[kimoischizo]

𓃉𓃉𓃉 its hard to accept im a good person ⬭

but i can still try to become better , i can still love ｡ if i spend the rest of my life decaying in a body ,

i wont be able to save myself or others 𓆩 𓂋 𓆪

[knifekris]

every day i struggle to make choices