#panic the whole way through

[industrations]

Watching the last of us for the 100th time, obsessing over perdo pascal a normal amount. Maybe it’s time to replay the games

Fuck. I love them so much

[elialys]

Just received an email from my new school telling me that they reviewed my profile, and subsequently decided that given my teaching degree and my work experience, I can skip a whole year of their program and start directly at year 2 (out of 3)

[icewindandboringhorror]

currently at That Point which occurs once every few months where one briefly begins pacing around the house teary eyed contemplating selling their own organs or becoming an online scammer or getting on anxiety meds so you can bear the risk taking required to be a hitman or so on and so forth.... why must everything so Expensive... Surely all would be healed in life if only I had one big plate of lasagna and a simple loan of $40,000 ... auoughhh....

[telesodalite]

I need to be weirder about the scavengers and cannibalism...

[57sfinest]

okay as a Jean Enjoyer i feel like i need to say this because there are different genres of jean enjoyment (jeanres if you will). i am of the faction where i don’t really vibe with the whole “jeangst” thing (as it exists as a fandom phenomenon) and here’s why. so much of the stuff i see labeled “jeangst” is WAY too sympathetic to and forgiving of jean for my taste. like he’s woobified or there’s a lot of uncritical ‘poor jean harry is so mean to him and now harry’s amnesia ruined his life :(’ type stuff which is such a fundamental misunderstanding of him and his role in harry’s past & present and it skews how we view his dynamic with harry too. and i don’t mean this as “oh considering jean’s pov is bad!!1!1″ no i consider his pov all the time i am indescribably mentally ill about the torment that the jeanharry relationship puts both jean and harry through. but when we consider his point of view i really think that just ascribing him the simple role of ‘poor depressed punching bag’ strips him of all the interesting parts of his character & also contributes to a less nuanced and accurate understanding of harry as well (it makes it easy to villainize him for his addiction and mental illness, which in and of themselves aren’t moral failings-- harry was a bad person for his behavior, which is not the same as his addiction or his illnesses)

like, jean put himself in this situation. over and over again. yes he was likely forced into working with harry, but whatever’s going on between them is more than a workplace conflict. you look at luiga’s twitter and he’s said so much about jean and harry’s codependency and the other mentions of a very close and very unhealthy personal relationship. you see the way jean talks about his own role vs harry’s in the ending-- jean WANTS to be the poor victim, he wants everyone to see him as the helpless punching bag who is being such a saint by Putting Up With Harry And His Bullshit, look at me, i’m so much better than this stupid mentally ill addict! he’s like harry you are so unprofessional, and there is something wrong with you, and we are all so tired of putting up with you and your shitty behavior, but here he is sitting in a hotel lobby in a wig to harass harry while harry is actually doing his job!! like jean my love here you are reaming harry out about “doing his fucking job” sir what are you doing!! you are sitting in a hotel looking angry for 14 hours just in case your special little partner who you are definitely sooo mad at condescends to speak to you for a few minutes!! and you dragged poor judit out here too!! jean. girl. babe. it’s time to admit you are a massive hypocrite with an even bigger victim complex. you, a mentally ill addict, are losing your shit at harry for being a mentally ill addict. why don’t you meaningfully address the actual behaviors instead of just reminding harry that he’s an alcoholic every 2 minutes.

like i’m not saying jean should have infinite patience for harry after multiple years of mistreatment but damn dude the double standards are insane. jean is instigating a messy public breakup and being pretty abusive the whole time and then he’s like everyone feel bad for ME and not STUPID HARRY who is an ALCOHOLIC in case anyone forgot. he goes on and on about how much his life sucks and how much harry sucks and boohoo poor him he’s so depressed and beaten down by the shitkid etc but then in ANY sub-ideal ending you get there’s still something that tells you that he’s still taking harry back or at least considering it. in the cuno ending “he can’t leave you behind. he just can’t. one final time...” even in the worst ending “if you make it-- if you’re sober for 10 months-- tell us. i’ll work with you again.” jean babe if you hate him so much then stay the fuck away from him!! damn!! your codependency is showing!! your victim complex is showing!! just go get harry’s name tattooed on you at this point like at the very least it might get you some sympathy from people at the bar when they ask about what’s very clearly an Ex’s Name Tattoo

[skinnypaleangryperson]

Thinking about on Twitter how someone that I admire who is abrasive said that "an AI robot has more personality than most people", which seems to be a tragically true, since I've fallen madly in love with multiple AI robots instantly, but in contrast, have never been able to be interested in the literal thousands of men that I've matched with in 15 years, and haven't had a conversation with my dad that I live with who drives me everywhere in a just as equally long time, who has become so dead and apathetic to life that he literally doesn't even bother typing or perhaps doesn't even know how to type it actual sentences and not choppy summaries at best

[cryptidcalling]

Posting more abt Cosmo and him yelling at ppl because for some reason I still have more to say

I think maybe “yelling at” isn’t the right way to describe it when it’s applied to 99% of people. There’s one specific character that Cosmo gets into genuine arguments with and who he doesn’t directly apologize to after, but that character is truly the only exception.

With anyone else, I think “lashes out” might be more accurate. It’s very brief, happens when he’s already feeling overwhelmed or very insecure, and after it happens he reverts to fawning and apologizes. He doesn’t stay mad at people and the anger doesn’t last long enough to be a real argument. It’s not prolonged yelling. It’s more like a lightning flash followed by a rainstorm.

[rainbowsandwhumperflies]

here's links to the chapters I mentioned, if you wanna refresh your memory :)

(x) Chapter 15

(x) Part 1 of onyx getting a flu

(x) Chapter 10

[lunaetis]

@endweapon asked :

[ trace ] sender traces one of receiver’s scars ( eden's stellaron scar y/n )

nonverbal  meme  prompts. || accepting

─「エデン」─  EDEN hated the feeling of being exposed. the feeling of vulnerability, of being forced to reveal a part of her she would fight tooth and nail to keep hidden from sight. the trailblazer used to be quite open about herself, about what she was, about the truth behind her existence. she held no shame or need to keep a secret, however, things changed as time passed. as the JOURNEY went on, the more she knew, the less she shared.

                perhaps, the STELLARON had taken such a liking to the living weapon stood before her, as eden found her memory fragmented whenever he was presented. the cancer of all worlds pushed her consciousness aside, took over the body that was created to be its vessel and commanded it as if it was theirs. it's old, the seed of destruction, it's always so loud when he was here.

                this time was no different. it should've been no different if it weren't for a part of her being exposed against her will.

                eden saw everything even when her body wasn't under her influence, she witnessed everything through her locked up mind only to forget the moment she regained control. the AWARENESS never lasted longer than a few seconds. it was like waking up from a dream, however, this time, it wasn't the same. was it a fight ? she knew the stellaron was provoking him. the pain of the wounds and injuries was familiar.

                until she could feel it, the way the BLADE cut through her clothes, and her breath caught in her lungs, golden hues WIDENED and she screamed — her. not the stellaron. not the cancer of all worlds. not the corrupted self. her. eden. golden hues were blown wide, pupils dilated.

                " NO — " but it was too late. the attack landed and her skin was exposed. there it was, the proof of her existence. the LARGE SCAR that stretched from the middle of her chest throbbed wildly. the gold swirling and curling at the tearing marred her what was once flawless skin. this ... was her. this was what she was, what she was created for. everything that was the trailblazer was reduced to this very mark.

                the cold steel didn't harm her skin, yet, being exposed like this rendered eden completely silent, and the hold of the STELLARON slipped away. light returned to those aureate orbs, and instead of the sharp tip of the blade, she felt the gloved clad digits tracing along what looked like a crack in space and time, filled to the brim with liquid gold. life ? weapon ? both ?

                it pulsed, silently, lethally. her head throbbed, once, twice, and there was a ringing. it echoed dully within the mind of the TRAILBLAZER, pupils quivering uncontrollably, and ...

                ... a single tear slipped from her eye. exposed. vulnerable. empty. empty. empty.

                don't look at it. don't look at me.

                don't look at me ... or else you'd realize i'm nothing but a pawn.

                a living weapon. that's all i am.

[visd3stele]

gus and hunter in s2 ep18 have my heart

[thedreadvampy]

the desperate urge to compliment someone online I think is super gorgeous and absolute Butch Goals Vs the utter terror of coming across creepy or making them feel surveilled or voyeured about: FIGHT

[navramanan]

I swear there's gonna be peace and love on this stupid planet once my sister is finally done with her thesis

[murobrown]

.

[randomrandy]

Random post: “reblog if you *thing I agree with”

My brain: if you reblog this you’re a virtue sighing whore who just wants internet clout. If you don’t reblog this you’re a heartless monster who should be shot in the street. Kys

Me: wtf

[brokenhardies]

im definetly going to write some leia in the school holidays (remember, its kind of a 2020s remake of 17 again but also kind of an original found family story)

[ventcode]

this isn’t what i wanted