#packing jobs from home
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natraj pencil packing job work from home
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beginning the arduous task of packing up my college dorm since im graduating next month and it is making me incredibly emotional for no reason
#ive hardly been home since we got back from covid#partially by choice partially because of my job#so i have not had to officially Pack Up before#and i do not do particularly well with change until the change happens and then im usually fine#ive accumulated a lot of stuff#not a tag#from saph
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can't believe it's only wednesday
#almost said tuesday but it is after midnight lol#god.#i had such a good night i can't believe it happened on a tuesday#had an amazing dinner date with my best friend#then we saw conan gray live and had the time of our fucking lives#went and got ben & jerry's and a pack of plastic spoons from safeway and ate ice cream while talking shit in my car for almost an hour#then i drove her home and we're gonna do it all over again this saturday just with a different concert#i love my life y'all#maybe it isn't all bad#maybe there is beauty here#maybe i should go to sleep it's almost one am and i have an exam to study for and a job interview tomorrow#personal
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my issue is that 2 weeks ago I was flip flopping on what decision to make while being very convinced that I wanted to try to leave and that doing so would make me happy and no matter how difficult it was it would be worth it. Just like how i wanted my surgery but was still wracked with guilt leading up to it. Now im stressed and obsessively thinking about it while being convinced that leaving would not make me happy at all and would not be worth it. which is a lot harder...
#talkys#and its extra hard bc the surgery is the only thing in my life I've been 100% sure about.#also my brain is doing the extra steps stuff and im already exhausted especially since i once again dont really have#family on my side or excited for me#thinking about having to have them drive me up for the job interview then having to get apartment#lease and then having to organize and throw away and pack my stuff and then unpack it#while never knowing if rent is going to be way too high next year is already too much#knowing that i love being alone but would be very lonely and not have any extended time to come home and spontaneously#go to the movies or some local event with my siblings makes me sad#the only friend id have in the new location has her own life and partner and such. id just be alone and not#wanting to leave my apartment bc i hate driving#the good times here are rare but they'd be non-existent in an empty apartment#and id likely be too tired to do hobbies after work and chores and staying alive#the color rly has drained from me not even the thought of being able to transition is saving me#nothing would change for the better
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im also debating whether i should download farmer's delight...
#it looks rly cool and pretty vanilla but also like#a part of me feels like some of these mods that add new decorative and homely blocks#could maybe detract from the creativity of using minecraft's existing blocks to represent things in more abstract ways#like all the weird ways ppl use combinations of stairs and trapdoors and buttons and job blocks#by just giving u the thing ur trying to represent#but then also i dont know how to build anything nice and lack the motivation to try so mb this would encourage me more?#also some of it will probably clash with my resource pack which makes crops and mushrooms more three-dimensional...
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me: how about...natori contracting some kind of youkai illness & matoba finding out about it & showing up to his set & natori dragging him off to his trailer bc it would be bad for his sparkly reputation to make the angry faces he feels coming on in front of his coworkers & matoba offering to help but in that smarmy condescending way that raises natori's hackles so he refuses but unfortunately he doesn't know how to cure it so matoba just keeps showing up every day & natori keeps carting him off to the trailer every time & being suuuuper cagey when people ask him who his visitor is & what if his coworkers get the wrong idea & matoba is fully aware of this & what if one day in the trailer natori reluctantly agrees to let matoba help him & matoba's like okay fine off with your shirt i gotta paint this spell circle on your bare chest & what if he's in the middle of doing that when they hear somebody opening the door to the trailer & obviously they don't want anyone to know what they're actually doing in there bc youkai-exorcist confidentiality so matoba's like no worries i got this & he KISSES NATORI omg classic kiss-as-misdirection trope & the person at the door is like whoops my b carry on gentlemen & after they've left natori is like wtf matoba????? & matoba's like well it's what they all thought we were doing anyway & your mouth was right there & it allowed me to cover the writing on your chest with my body & also you kiss people for a living so i figured it wouldn't be too complex for you & your part-time exorcist training to handle & natori recovers admirably quickly & is like WELL for your information that was a TERRIBLE kiss & no one is gonna buy that i professional makeout artist natori shuuichi would be swapping saliva with somebody on the reg without any of my considerable skill rubbing off on them & matoba's like so what do you propose we do about it & natori's like obviously i have to teach you how to kiss in case they come back -
the bedtime story fairy who thought this was gonna be an easy assignment: please just go to sleep im begging u have mercy ur brain cells are dying
#my other bedtime imagine also features misunderstandings in natori's trailer/dressing room but this time it's established relationship#natori and his costar are in his trailer practicing a kiss & matoba comes in & thinks natori is CHEATING 😲#& packs up & goes back to the matoba estate & natori's calling him daily like i LITRALLY dk what i did wrong...miss u baby...#but also tell me what i did wrong u asshole!! you just left & didn't even tell me if/when you're coming back! wtf!!!#and eventually matoba comes home & they talk & natori's like mkay well first of all kissing that lady is my literal job that pays me#but i understand that it upset you bc we were alone in my trailer & looked startled to be interrupted. hey i know#why don't you come with me to set & you can see just how incredibly unsexy these practice sessions are?#so matoba accompanies him & it's literally just natori & his costar like calculating exact face tilt angles & figuring out#their precise height differential during the scene in question based on the shoes she'll be wearing & testing out ideal#degree of mouth openness & choreographing switching sides of the face to correspond to the movement of the camera#(bc obviously it's one of those epic 360-degree shots with the swelling orchestral score and w/e 🙄)#& figuring out where they should put their hands & whether it makes sense for them to be smiling at this point in their arc &c &c#& matoba starts like observing them from multiple angles & critiquing their technique & giving pointers to the costar#& grabbing natori's chin & bodily arranging his limbs like a mannequin & showing the costar the best ratio of lip give to firmness#by demonstrating with his own lips on natori's lips. & so on & so forth. meanwhile#the sleep i am forgoing in favor of having these thoughts is something i will NEVER get back.#natsume's book of friends#horrible exorcists#f#my posts#i am such a clown to watch one of the sweetest and most poignant shows i have ever seen and for what?#to get fixated on imagining ways to get these chuckleheads to smush their mouths together? unbelievable.#like these scenarios barely (if at all) have anything to do with what makes them so fascinating as characters. i just want them to Kiss#idk though i do feel like their first kiss has to be some sort of dare or 'accident' or w/e like these weirdos can't just KISS each other!#who does that! have you heard of a little thing called pride and invulnerability and plausible deniability!!!!#but i also completely imprinted on this one established relationship fic i read last year so sometimes i just skip ahead#to the kinds of misunderstandings and shenanigans and conflicting priorities they could get up to as a couple#i guess i just want the fact that natori is famous for kissing people to be Matoba Seiji's Problem in some way or another#is that so much to ask#(i also CLEARLY imprinted on a fic in which natori teaches matoba to kiss at a bar?? i should reread that one)
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Since I don't have twitter rn for mental health reasons this app has become my venting space so rip you guys
#anyway i had two really promising job interviews last week#have been rejected from both#i continue to wake up to emails saying my applications dont even reach interview stage#the job market is FUCKED#and i am getting closer and closer to losing my home#i am so defeated#all i do is try and im not good enough#and i have boomer relatives breathing down my neck telling me i just need to try harder and i#as if i havent submitted over 400 job apllications since may this year#as if im not open to taking jobs WAY below what i need fonancially to survive just so i have SOMETHING#i am just so tired#and i dont know how much more i can take#of waking up everyday with a countdown clock over my head#resigning myself to the fact i am gonna have to pack up my life AGAIN#and move back to a tiny close minded town where im not out#get misgendered constantly#has bo opportunities either cause theres like 5 ppl in the whole town#and live in the back bedroom of my parents small council bungalow that was only ever meant to house two people#ill have to get rid of so much of my stuff cause i wont be able to take it all#i rlly dont know what to do anymore#i rlly dont know how i come back from this when the system is rigged against me#*sobs*
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guys I just survived a ladder that wanted to kill me. cheers
#context- I work odd jobs in film production a lot. I recently picked up a new part timer filming high school football games#this particular one was an hour and a half away so needless to say I was already mentally preparing for a LOT#and I got there and the spot where they wanted me was on the ROOF of the press box. which I knew beforehand#what I did NOT know beforehand was that the only way up or down was a ladder that pops down from said roof#which would’ve been okay but I was carrying three equipment bags like a pack mule#so I climb the ladder and even that was fine until the top step#I faceplant straight onto the roof because there is a barrier that’s like a foot long between the ladder step and the roof floor#so. rough start. but the view is great and once I’m up there it’s kinda fun#until. UNTIL. I wanted to go pee because again. hour and a half drive to get there.#said barrier made it so you have to climb down to get to the ladder step and railing and I pissed around playing chicken with that thing for#for an HOUR playing chicken because I could not fucking handle it#so I get through the first half okay but decide that I’m booking it to the bathroom the second halftime starts#and I forced my fat arse over the ledge and I figured out a grip on the trapdoor thing that helped keep me from falling#and I felt like I’d just made a person break cause like. I genuinely was not sure how the fuck I’d make it down for a bit#after that? might’ve been the high of Doing The Scary Thing but the rest of the time I had fun#I got a nice coach in the press box to help grab my bags as I handed them to him so I could climb down to leave#drove an hour in pitch darkness on country roads to my boss’s house to drop off the footage then 20 minutes home and now#and now I think I could sleep forever and ever but I fuckin did the thing
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literally nothing worse than waiting for bad news to hit. like i don't know how i'm supposed to go to class with this particular sword hanging over my head
#especially since this particular Bad News could change So Much ..#i don't think my dad is ready to be shouldering the entire household by himself. i really dont.#with 3 kids still at home and his job i just. i dont think he can do it alone.#and both of my older siblings have lives already !! they have spouses and jobs and kids !!#they cant just pack up their lives and move across the state !!#but im not settled i dont have a job i dont have kids or a spouse and hell i was gonna leave school anyway !!#just. not this soon.#but fuck i guess i might have to move up the timetable a bit.#but the THING IS that I DONT KNOW YET. like i Know but i dont actually know officially. yet.#and idk. maybe im hoping it'll not turn out the way i know it will so im holding off on making a decision#or maybe im just trying really really hard not to think about the future for the next few days.#but either way by tuesday i'll know for sure and that'll be that.#ill need to talk to my landlord to see if they'll let me move out early. and my counselor to see if i can take a break from school for a bi#and probably my dad just to let him know that im moving back home. idk. i dont fucking know#winter speaks#personal#grief tag#<- gonna be a Whole Thing btw if u wanna blacklist
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how im acting as if i will have time to draw tomorrow when i literally plan to spend the entire day moving back home lol
#omg i can wait to draw my ocs BITCH PACK YOUR FUCKING BAGS AND STOP BRAINROTTING#hopefully once im home for the great span of 3 days i can draw and then ill away again for 2 months for epic summer job#by away i mean away from home; hoping that i will have time to fuck around online#personal
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i hate that like thousands of people's lives and wellbeing was fucked up by like ten assholes who have more money than god
#.txt#personal#on my way home from packing more shit and then a demonstration#security acting like goddamn cops#'just following orders i dont wanna lose my job'#GUESS WHAT NOBODY HERE HAS A JOB#ITS TOUGH HEARING THAT AND CARING LMAO !!!
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it is so incredibly hard to not book/organise things prematurely for my move bc i don’t want to accidentally send post to my airbnb way early before my stay BUT ALSO GOD !!!!!! I WANT TO SORT THINGS
#i need to get a new phone bill but i know i can sort that out much much closer to the time#there’s like admin stuff i desperately want to do#it’s happening so soon#3 weeks!!!!#i have to do the last clearing up once i’m home#and then it’s like. packing#i also have to buy some things which is fine but i also can’t do that until im home#i also tried to call my gp and i think bc im not in the uk my calls r bouncing >:(#which means i don’t have a huge amount of time to organise getting an advance on my medicine#i booked french classes though !!!#and my trains to see my brother#and when i get home from here ill be back on the job search#altho lll start doing that again over the next few days
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empty head empty heart absolute exhaustion
#fang art#vent art#so uh#hi#i completly missed val and lunar new year even tho i was working on them#ive gotten really really burnt out and tired from job hunting and vocational school....austrian job system sucks#i really really want to stay home for a month so that i can recover mentally but that doesnt work#and the job i want sound VERY unrealistic for many but its really the only one that seems good to me (which is packing up orders and#shipping them out....yea i got very influenced)#good news is that mom helped me with getting into therapy#a job group for those with autism and reanalysis for my autism#so yes the fang autism accuation is very very true!!! (surprisingly)
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I’m so sick of waiting for my PC parts to come in, I just wanna be able to use my art tablet again man
#My laptop broke months ago & I finally got the money to build a PC but waiting for shipping feels like forever#Everything should be in by the 19th though#Then we’re back in business#Now that I’m living away from home I really wanna properly stream art#& other stuff maybe I dunno#But I’m gonna be packed next semester I have several notoriously hard courses/tough professors#& I’m starting a job#& trying to break into undergrad research… Lots of stuff going on for me.#Matt mutters
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vent in tags don't mind me
#skye talks#vent#it's been a long time since i had a panic attack in the grocery store but here we are#maybe it has something to do with spending my last money on food and gas#new job tomorrow just gotta make it through#all my days are full of tasks now and i have no choice really i gotta do things i gotta maintain and yet im so tired my whole body aches#i want to sleep for twenty years and i haven't even started yet#actually i want to sob and someone to run their hands through my hair#i got home and nearly fell asleep sitting in my car and my muscles keep twitching like they'll cramp#and my feet feel like they're going to split in half#and all the lights in my space were different from how i left them and blinds were open that I didn't and somebody turned my fan off#and like wow i really can't leave my room for even a day without everything being different#and they'll just yell at me and yell me I'm being so disagreeable and difficult if i beg them once sgain to please respect my space#I'm 30 amd saving to move out but they open the door on me unannounced like I'm a child#and i nearly started sobbing in the kitchen as i tried to pack up some chopped onions in the freezer and I coulnt even do that#i begged four separate times in like ten minutes to please let me do this stop goving me other bags stop questioning what I'm putting where#i just couldn't talk i could barely hold myself together#everything in my body hurt and my chest feels like it's being stabbed and my brain is screaming at me and i just#i just needed to put the onions in the freezer and be allowed to be nonverbal and it was too much and it took everything i had#all of it to just beg and say please don't talk to me I'm so tired i just need to do this#and i got literally shrieked at the fourth time i said it#i just#i don't#oh my god i'm gonna lay here for hours and maybe cry again#AND THAT'S NOT EVEN THE BIGGEST THING ON MY MIND IT WAS JUST THE PANIC AFTERMATH#somebody sedate me or something why is it all so hard#I'll deal with it but holy fucking shit
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This is singlehandedly the most miserable night of my entire fucking life I hope I go out into the street tomorrow and get hit by a car
#vent#i dont care anymore#my job which i just joined literally last monday#they took me to Minnesota on what was supposed to be my one day off#i was in a car for five hours and then i arrive at the shitty air bnband everyone is in my room because its the only one with a tv#so i dont get sny alone time or time to decompress and im in a house full of literal strangers#and i dont get back home until sundaay and the reason#i tried to bail. i tried to say no#theyre holding my paycheck over my head#and now it's too late for me to talk to my boyfriend or any of my friends really so im literally stuck two states away from my apartment#literally crying myself to sleep. and its not like after being in a car for five hours alrhat theyre going to have us start later oh no#we start tomorrow at 7 am 😁#im literally sl miserable i want to die and i dont say that lightly and im stuck here for a week im stuck in fucking Minnesota for a week#im having a neervous breakdown#they gave me 4 hours this morning to pack for this. by rhe way
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