#p talks about stuff
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#my art#daycare attendant#dca fandom#moondrop#<- dca.. they're back in town ...#not tagging sun bc thats just their head :p#anywayyy hopefully this means something to someone. that's all i could ever wish for when it comes to my art#thats probably a bit too sentimental or something but sometimes it's hard to tell if the stuff you make is actually reaching people#or if you're just another person making content to satiate an insatiable crowd#is my art edible? is it a meal to you? is it a one time only thing? does it have any lasting effect on you?#is it just nutrients to sustain you? or is it something that will genuinely stick to you for at least longer than the first second?#i will stop talking now. you can eat my art as much as you'd like but can you at least savor it a little? compliment the chef a little bit?#for the ones who've read this far: this is actually for an AU i've been thinking about recently. i won't be sharing what it's about lol#but if you wanted some context for this... here you go. i'd like to think this has more meaning to it than just being an AU though#and maybe me not disclosing what the AU is will make you think about this post for a bit longer? it's a mystery now....#aaaand i just noticed i forgot the bells on the ribbon on their arm. great. excellent. perfect. whatever
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Had to explain to three secular anti-Zionist Jew friends from back home (Philly area) that the definition of Zionism they were being fed and using was actually Kahanism.
The collective silence that fell in our chat, followed by the group going “oh, I didn’t know that…” was audible.
All three of them have lived comfortably in an area that has a very large Jewish population and a lot of Jewish culture integrated into it. But they don’t know their own local history, let alone the history, ideologies, and other important things of their people. I don’t fault them for this, because not everyone is diving into the history of a given thing.
But this was after they each said they couldn’t talk to their family anymore because they were Zionists, and that meant they were racists supporting genocide.
The tone completely shifted as they realized that they had been manipulated and misinformed to view their families and other Jews as “evil” people.
I then hit them with the revelation that the “Zionism = Racism” thing was a cooperative move from the Soviets and a Nazi inspired Syrian party in the 60s and 70s.
That caused a collective sharp intake of breath and an “oh, fuck”.
Hopefully they take this newfound knowledge and make good on it. I also know I only had an impact because, once again, I’m a trusted friend who is also trusted to educate with sources to back me up.
#jumblr#i/p misinformation#Even our own people can be misinformed about stuff relating to us#misinformed#Most people mean Kahanism when they talk about Zionism
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Leo getting hit with a truth curse but instead of forcing him to admit to super sad or worrying things it’s things like “it was me who broke the remote” “I saw Mikey prank Donnie and helped hide it because it’s way funnier if he didn’t know who it was” “I rip my clothes to look more like Raph’s because he’s really cool” “my stripes aren’t even red they’re pink!”
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt leo#rise leo#plot twist he COULD be admitting angsty stuff but he’s pushing the less oof truths forward instead on purpose#raph: hey leo what do you want for dinner#leo: *about to bare his soul on all his internal torment but pivots* I’m afraid of snakes#(no but fr Leo’s stripes being technically more pink instead of red is cute ngl)#(a very reddish pink to the point that in certain lighting it looks red but at the base they’re p pink)#(i also am very fond of the idea that Leo doesn’t just have questionable taste in fashion he also just loves Raph a lot and looks up to him)#but yeah I think that something like this would be 99% Leo admitting to unimportant things or admitting to how much he values everyone#like they all KNOW Leo loves them and he’s talked them up enough for them to know but it’s different when he’s like#‘I just wanna read my comics with you guys around - it’s my favorite place to be’#or again just random bs that doesn’t REALLY have a lot of weight like#‘I like using my portals to prank random people around the world’#‘I’m worried about being a bad influence on hueso jr’#‘sometimes I kinda wanna see hypno’s plans succeed’#‘it’s been way too long since I found this out and honestly it’s embarrassing but I actually don’t have a di-‘#SORRY COULDNT HELP MYSELF#(<-but did u know that that pink rather than red observation actually ties into this headcanon as well if u know about red eared sliders)
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"Are you happier? Now that the war is over?"
It had been meant as a serious question, but from the look on Kira's face, she hadn't caught onto that. "What sort of question is that, 'am I happier'?" she asked, laughing a little as she spoke. "Of course I am! Who isn't?"
Shrugging, Julian forced himself to smile back at her. "No, of course," he agreed. "Silly question."
His smile clearly hadn't been convincing: Kira's own smile had faded as she looked at him more closely, her eyebrows creasing into a frown.
"Have I done something to make you think I'm not?" she asked sharply. "Why wouldn't I be?"
"No-- no, nothing like that," Julian said hurriedly. "I mean, obviously Odo's gone now, and Keiko and the Chief, and Worf, and... and the Captain... But that-- That's different, isn't it, I guess. You can be sad and happy at the same time, right?"
He cringed, knowing that he hadn't quite managed to make sense there: years of practice had made him very good at recognising Kira's 'baffled' expression.
"All these years," said Kira, slowly shaking here head, "and I still don't understand you, sometimes. Of course I miss Odo, and the others -- and while we're at it, of course I'm still angry and-- and upset about the things that happened during the war..." She made a face, banging her fist lightly against the table. "Damn you, you know I'm no good with feelings, that's... there's a lot more there, besides," she added. "And I'm sure as hell not going into that right now...
"But if you're asking whether I'd rather be here, now, living without the threat of the Dominion or the Cardassians, knowing my friends are alive and safe -- and if they're not, at least being able to mourn them in peace, not having to make decisions that could get us all killed if it goes even slightly wrong... or if I'd rather be back there, in the war -- well. It's no contest, is it?"
"In theory, no, of course--"
"In theory?" Kira asked incredulously. "Julian, are you saying you were happier in the war?"
"No!" he exclaimed: that hadn't been what he'd meant at all. "The war was-- it was... Well, you couldn't be happy during the war, could you? Everything was too awful, it was impossible."
"A lot of the time, yeah," Kira said softly. "And that's gonna stick with us for a long time -- but they're only memories, now. We made it."
"We did," Julian said quietly, his eyes fixed on the table. "I just... I thought I'd be happier, I guess. Now that it's all over."
Kira reached forward, brushing her hand over his. "That's what this is all about?" she asked. "You aren't happy?"
"I never said I'm not," Julian objected hotly, looking back up at her -- but a sigh slipped out of him as he realised he didn't actually have an argument, and he shook his head, slumping back into his chair. Kira watched him, not saying anything.
"No, you're right," he admitted, pulling his arms across himself, almost too tight. "I know I'm supposed to be-- I know, after everything, it's so stupid... But, Nerys, I don't-- I don't think I am?"
Stopping to swallow the lump that had risen in his throat, he noticed he eyes had grown wet, which for some reason made him chuckle. "Isn't that silly?" he asked, leaning forward again. "We won the war, but I'm still not happy."
"No, Julian," Kira replied slowly. "I don't think that's silly at all. It's just... It's just very, very sad." She took a breath, reaching out to hold both his hands this time. "I'm sorry," she continued. "I didn't know."
"It's not your fault," he said, squeezing her hands tightly. "For a while, I just thought everyone else was pretending, too, so I just went along with it... And then I started to realise that no, you were all actually at least a little bit okay, and so I had to keep pretending, because happiness is so fragile and I didn't, you know, want to make anyone else feel bad just because I..."
He trailed off, shrugging a little. "I don't know, Nerys. I guess I just wanted to check that it wasn't just me, but it is just me, and now I've told you, and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel bad--"
"Julian, no," Kira interrupted. "Thank you for sharing this with me -- I'm glad you told me, okay?"
Ears growing hot, Julian ducked his head, not quite sure to do with the wave of emotion spilling over him. Now that he'd told her some of it, he kind of wanted to let everything out. Distractedly, he started tracing patterns on her hands, pushing into them with increasing intensity.
"It's just-- I'm just..." He stumbled over his words, struggling to give voice to the one thought that he'd been trying to ignore for months. "What if this is it for me? What if I'm like this forever? It's been years, Nerys--"
To his horror, his voice cracked, and he covered his mouth, trying to hold back the sobs that were threatening to burst out. Hoping that no-one else had noticed, he looked around the replimat; thankfully the other diners seemed more interested in their own conversations than in him and Kira.
"Would you like to go somewhere less public?" Kira asked. Not quite trusting himself to speak, he nodded, and together they left the replimat.
As they walked down the promenade and up to the habitat ring, Kira steered clear of their previous conversation, chatting about the station, her week, her latest grievance with Quark, and Julian was grateful for the respite. But as soon as they were sat down in her quarters, she turned to him with a most serious expression.
"It isn't right, you feeling like that, you know," she said. "I don't have the answers, I don't know how it gets better -- but we both know someone who would. You haven't tried telling Ezri any of this, have you?"
Julian's stomach tightened: Ezri was the last person he wanted to have this particular conversation with. "Oh, yes, because that would go so well," he retorted sarcastically. "Hi Ezri, I love you, but you don't make me happy. Don't worry, it's not you, I'm just unhappy most of the time. Most of the time? Yeah, it gets better when I'm around you, because then I just kind of feel... nothing. What an improvement!"
"Julian..." whispered Kira, but it was all coming out now and Julian couldn't make it stop. He rose from the sofa, starting to pace as he spoke.
"Did you ever make me happy? Maybe, sweetheart, but I'm not even certain of that. I might have been so desperate for anything even resembling happiness that I just deluded myself into thinking I was in love... Do I even love you? Who the fuck knows, Ezri. Is love even real, or did it die in the war along with every-fucking-thing else?"
His voice had risen louder than he'd intended, condemning him with every word it pushed forcefully into the air. He'd made Kira cry, he thought, but he couldn't quite be sure, his vision being clouded by his own mess of tears.
"How could I possibly tell her that?" he asked, sitting back down heavily, his voice dropping to a hollow whisper. "Kira, how the hell do I tell her that?"
"Come here," she said in way of a response, pulling him against her and holding him tightly, so that he could feel her lips move against his hair as she answered him. "I don't know," she was saying, "but you have to, Julian. I can be there with you if you want but, Prophets, Julian, you have to. How could you not?"
How could he not?
Julian closed his eyes and let himself fall apart against his friend, not even bothering to try to answer her. It was terrifying, after all this time, to finally allow someone to see how broken he really was, but he was far, far too tired to keep it in any longer.
#Julian Bashir#Kira Nerys#Andi writes#DS9 fanfic#weirdly I feel like I've written something along these lines before?#but i can't actually remember doing so?#it might be because all my stuff ends up sounding like this lol i'm such a cliche :P#anyway as ever this wasn't planned it just happened#the past few days there have been like 4 things that have come up in my brain as a little whatsit to just do#i almost started a julian and sisko talk about jadzia during baseball one yesterday#but today i ended up starting to write a song#(i don't miss the war -- but i do miss you)#and then this happened because i can't share the song (yet) but i can share this#wsb
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one piece x steven universe au where instead of being a crystal gem, luffy is sort of a rogue who flies around in a spaceship adventuring through space and making/recruiting friends on different planets and gem colonies, he was inspired by earthlings and now he wants to live freely without the constraints of gem roles and expectations (tagging this with #gem piece)
#ok im leaving these in the tags because I'm still not 100% sure for these but#usopp. obviously bismuth (inventor; touchy hugger and funny; black coding; fight with mc like in w7; rainbow cough gay also he's artistic)#i could keep going on ab usopp but anyways . the second im p sure about is sanji as a sapphire#like u got the whole running away from ur royal duty thing it's crazy . also he's blue#i was talking this au over with a friend and he mentioned how sanji would have 2 eyes and that's why he'd be ostracized which is so real#SANJI'S AN OFF COLOUR#oomf said sanji would be pearl because bispearl (which is so real) and also lapidot works for sanuso which is so 😭😭 CRYING#idk about the others feel free to drop ur ideas and stuff i need to hear em#i have doodles for this au idk if anyone gaf tho 😞😞 bye#oh also the crystal gems r the revolutionary army :3 i think it fits better idr think luffy would be into that stuff#op#one piece#steven universe#su#monkey d luffy#sanuso#usosan#technically because this au was born from a sanuso idea 😭😭😭#sanji#usopp#gem piece
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Change of plan, I'm not gonna kill myself, MCR is active, FOB is active, Ryan Ross posted on Instagram. This is my meaning in life. They're called the emo holy trinity for a fucking reason
Also, WHY DID YOH MFS NOT TELL ME RYAN ROSS POSTED ON INSTAGRAM??????????? COME ON 😭
#skye talks about stuff#skye talks about emo shit#skye is emo af#my chemical romance#mcr#fall out boy#fob#panic! at the disco#p!atd#ryan ross
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And on this Valentine’s I almost broke down in tears at a wife’s dedication to her heart surgeon husband whose brain is deteriorating with a rare case of dementia
#I shadowed the doctor for the first time today and almost broke down in tears multiple times listening to her talk about her story#he performed his last heart surgery last October. and ever since he’s been fading away and had to retire. rapid onset but behavior changes#were happening over the last like 6 years#this HEART SURGEON BRAINIAC started chewing tobacco in his 60s beyond his wife’s knowledge. a very common sign of this brain disease#I’m still in clinic but have to ride down to the office and get some chart stuff done now and I’m like?? spiraling about it still#at least love is real. they’ve been married for 45 years and she’s on top of her shit taking caring of him all by herself#and she only has glowing things to say about him#she wants her heart surgeon husband back but he’s fading away#I’ve wanted to be a doctor my whole life but I’m such a crybaby OK I’m going now#happy valentine’s day#p#v day
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related to my prev post, i absolutely LOVE talking about fandom history, particularly riordanverse fandom history, and i've been actively around the tumblr part of the fandom for the better part of at least a decade now, so feel free to ask me about riordanverse fandom history or similar stuff like that!
#pjo#riordanverse#i love talking about weird niche fandom stuff and fandom history#its so fun to me like YEAH i was there when the ancient texts were written (when the entire fandom briefly moved to vld)#i remember the niche askblogs and popular aus#anybody else remember the popular godswap au with aphrodite!Nico?#p much everybody else would be kind of random swaps but Nico would always get Aphrodite#back in the day we had the HTTYD au now we've got that Hades game au
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HELP! I've fallen down a Bering and Wells hole again and can't stop watching fanvids. I misssssss them!!! 😢
#I'm also thinking about a platonic Pete & Myka soulmate AU and all the bickering that would come with it#Like Pete trying to feel out what the rules are for him dating someone if she and him are soulmates#and Myka's like 'I literally never want to talk about who you have sex with ever'#“But-” / “NOPE! Just do whatever you want Pete!”#And then later as joke (but delivered completely seriously) she says she wants full approval of any serious relationship he has#And she'll be the one planning the proposal for him#(No no no! That's not happening.)#Actually! She might just play matchmaker for him too because she's not sure she can trust his judgement#... or his ability to make a good first impression.#“You wanted my input remember?” / “Not like that!”#And then even LATER when she meets Amanda for the first time she's like 'Wow that's your ex-wife? Man you really fucked up there."#“Yeah thanks for that Myka. That's very helpful.”#“No chance of winning her back?”#“Winning back my ex-wife who's about to be remarried? No I think that ship has sailed.”#“Yeah.... My ex girlfriend is a hologram now so at least this is a step up from that.”#“I never agreed to HG being your girlfriend.”#“.... Yeah but I wanted to.”#“.... Okay this is getting way too gloomy for a wedding day. We need to stuff ourselves with cake.”#Warehouse 13#Myka Bering#Pete Lattimer#Helena Wells#Bering and Wells#my fic#(I guess accidentally in the tags lol)#(idk I'm tired man. My head is all over the place today :P)
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What if L had successors at 25 just because he was such a stupid competitive daredevil Watari was like already counting the days
#like. 'well he WOULD probably chain himself to a serial killer#and also ask one to murder him on live tv...'#im saying this to poke fun at L btw not anyone talking about angsty Wammy's stuff#l lawliet#p
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I’m a trans man that recently got diagnosed with hyper mobile eds, so now seeing Steve makes me extra happy, because cool disabled ftm rep. Thanks for making the radical dude bro, he’s funky.
same disability (waving hand emoji)
Always extremely fulfilling to know my work makes people happy in some small way, it means a lot. Thank you for sharing with me
#I dont talk about having eds cause its not specifically really relevant to my work#been diagnosed with it since 17. woag 10 years next april...#anyways. yeah idk I like the blog to be about my art and I'm used to people asking me a LOT of questions about EDS or disability or canes#just a lot of stuff unrelated to my art. I'm happy to talk about it but I don't want it to be the focus of my blog!#So I've p much chosen to mostly just. not talk about it. even though I'm literally fine talking about it#it's just rarely relevant and no one needs to know LOL#but. I also know that EDS can feel very lonely#and that it's really nice to know other people out there have it#so. hi anon you're not alone#also just in case. literally don't feel bad about anything in the tags here LOL#mostly just like 'please people do not start sending me asks about whether or not you should go to the doctor'#or asks about ableist family members#or venting about pain...#just a lot of invasive and boundary crossing asks the more I talk about it hahahah#but I don't mind sharing at all.#sorry I think I lost the plot on this one#good luck on your journey. starting to accomodate yourself does wonders#and really just extremely happy my work could reach you in this way#sending you love#asks#anon
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sorry my post is just to complain but guys i literally hate adobe after effects. i can not explain to you the mental torture and how LOW it has brought my mental health because I *need* to use it for my post production class because it's "industry standard". ADOBE After Effects has made me write off the entire film and video production industry as a turn off and I never want to do it ever again.
The amount of times this has crashed on me where I lost everything? 5+ hours of work? 8+ hours of work? It's my fault for not saving sometimes but I also have auto-save on. it didn't save anything so im just left with nothing.
You want a trip to burn out town really quick? Use adobe after effects in an academic setting where you have no choice but to use this program.
I have never in my life TOUCHED a program SO TERRIBLE that it made me never want to do anything about that form of art/media EVER AGAIN
#I'm ALSO going in and out of the hospital these past few weeks so im just bawling and crying and crying over losing this project just now#because it was due 3 days ago#and i cant finish it becvause i loste verything#im sorry to everyone reading this i just feel like an insane person#like if i tried to explain this to someone theyd just tell me to stop crying and to get over it#anyway cannot recommend adobe after effects any fucking less#never join advertising/film industry i guess?#im so miserable right now. AE is a constant crasher#i also got a new computer with 18RAM instead of 8RAM and it still did this#does anyone understand why i cant stop talking about this#it makes no logical sense that our industry relies on adobe THIS fucking much that a program that is KNOWN to crash often#is an industry standard i hate it here#its been 3 months of this#im in so much fucking physical pain thats why im going to the hospital and then i come home to this constantly#guys im so tired i hate Adobe with a passion i hate it so much#mod stuff#from kris p#may delete later but i have bad memory so ill forget and just never do that#when i say its fun im lying to you for masking/show. im lying
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merry christmas.
there is still an active genocide happening in palestine.
today, when you open gifts or eat with family or go on vacations, do not stop thinking about the people of palestine. do not stop posting or interacting. do not stop talking.
give a donation. have a deep talk with your grandfather. sign a petition. educate your nieces and nephews and niblings.
do not stop talking about palestine on the biggest american holiday. because that’s what they want us to do.
merry christmas.
#nics stuff#free palestine#support palestine#palestine#i/p conflict#i/p#donate to palestine#sign petition#don’t stop talking about palestine#christmas#merry christmas#happy christmas#december 25#santa claus#santa#presents#gifts#christmas celebration#stand with gaza#stand with palestine
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LIES OF P DCA AU REAL??
I have no life and a new obsession nfjfbfb can't draw humans so I'm compensating in the only way I know how jfnfnfn
I love Lies of P to bits, the story and characters are so tragic yet you can still find some endearing moments inbetween saving the city.
So... I drew E(clipse) in the starter fit you wake up in in Lies of P As well as the greatsword of fate jfnfnf
I'm not yet done with the game but I do have SOME grasp on the story. Which is not at all stopping me from taking fnaf characters and shoving them into the roles of lies of P characters fjfnfb I have some story for this planned out :3 not all characters are yet replaced because... there's just too many and I personally have not gotten to them yet while playing
#fnaf dca#fnaf#fnaf dca fanart#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf eclipse#fnaf eclipse fanart#lies of p fanart#ray's art#idk if I should tag it with lies of p BUT OH WELL WHAT'S DONE IS DONE#i have some stuff figured out for the au already#some characters are... placeholders and probably will be changed BUT THE MAINS aka dca's jfjfjf are staying in their roles jfjfjf#idk if the shading or anything w/ this is okay jfjf#may end up drawing E with the other two starter weapons as well#we'll see eheh#ALSO E AND SPRING I WILL NOT STOP TALKING ABOUT HOW P INGAME GETS TO PICK UP AND PET SPRING#e's legion arm is... funky??? it's the starter one#as weverything on E in the drawing jfnfnf
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Me after the past week:
#skye talks about stuff#skye is emo af#skye talks about emo shit#my chemical romance#mcr#panic! at the disco#p!atd#ryan ross
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i think i officially set my sights on a therapist and i'll be contacting her very soon?? therapy was legitimately not on my 2024 bingo card (or in the cards for me at all) but here we are????
#this blog always had a focus on social science and detangling feelings and experiences. like it's basically been serving as my diary#bc this blog has always been my main outlet for it. i hate talking feelings to anyone irl. it's a bad habit but i hate it#so it was a game changer and helped me grow up sooo much. esp supplemented w other people's experiences.#being raised by a stoic engineer mother who's very much warm but also not very good at feelings at times has caused me to suppress SO much#compounded w being the eldest daughter. like that is a damning sentence in and of itself#tumblr just gave me an outlet for stuff like this. and every social media is essentially a highlight reel of ppl's best moments.#tumblr is the opposite. i've always loved that too whether it was in the form of humor or more earnest posts#could i work through my own issues by myself? yes probably#and my blog will always have that facet even if i get a therapist#but a therapist's input. just a professional's input. will expedite a lot of improvement for me i think#this has been a critical time period for me anyway bc i'm budgeting my whole schedule for once vs being handheld by uni deadlines#and it's just gonna keep getting more and more intense from here bc i'm truly pushing my comfort zone more than ever before#it just feels like the right call even tho i'm lowkey nervous ab it bc i HATE talking feelings in person.#this therapist will not fall for my trying to deflect by asking her about her life. which. usually works on my friends <3#we will see. a therapy arc is coming very soon basically#p
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