#overcoming my social anxiety was one of the best things that has ever happened to me

[orcelito]

Went to the clinic & they got me signed up for an appointment on Thursday. So here's hoping that goes well 👍

[emmebearpaw]

Every time I see a discussion on if DND 5e is a good system and when it’s a good system vs when it isn’t I always wish I had more to comment. Especially as someone who has played DnD in the past and wants to do table top roleplay again but isn’t necessarily excited about the prospect of trying to find a group to play any other games I’m more interested in. And then I remember how atypical my complaints about DnD are and I wonder how much my experience was colored by a bad DM.

Authors note: one of these points has a pretty major content warning. For in game rape. If that makes you uncomfortable it’s at the end after the cut.

My number one complaint about DnD is the feeling that doing anything hinges on having a good die roll. This definitely goes back also to my first table top rpg experience which unfortunately for me was Model UN in a social studies class. I get weird about doing things for grades. Asking me to roleplay running a country and then having to roll to see if the idea worked made me so stressed. Because it doesn’t actually matter if you come up with a good solution. The piece of plastic can say “nope everyone dies”.

Back in highschool I played with two different GMs but they both had very similar styles. By the books. Little tolerance for deviation from it. Combat focused. Basically, very DND. I wasn’t the biggest fan but I sort of… jumped in late and to be fair probably wasn’t super wanted at one of those tables anyways. So I didn’t complain. I made my very first character, a cleric (which was probably a bad idea as it meant I had a lot of spells to learn so I was overwhelmed in combat but that was on me) and showed up the next week for the one-two hour session where you do a combat encounter and then go home. Because it was after school and that’s how long people could stay. Anyways I kept showing up to those sessions, hoping to learn anything about the story or why we were fighting. I don’t think there was one. But there is one encounter I’ll probably always remember. We were fighting a giant spider and I got caught in its web after being flung into it! Oh no! To get out I had to roll like, a 13 or 14 strength check. So the next time my turn came up I rolled my d20, added my modifier and don’t make the check. Oh darn. Turns went around again after a few minutes and I asked for the d20 again and rolled again and I don’t make the check.

I basically didnt play again for the rest of the day. I think I got one more turn before I had to go home. Meaning I maybe had 3 turns in combat in 2 hours. After a while I just laid down on the concrete benches we played on and would sit up to roll the die and lay back down. I’m unlucky with checks like this. I’ve had this happen to me in one of my best friends favorite board games. I fail the check over and over and over and never play the game again. Personally, I think a good GM would avoid this problem. You know. Maybe lower the skill check after a couple turns? Give a player who can’t do anything… something to do besides scroll tumblr? I would have helped play the enemy in the combat! I just think it’s very easy to get stuck in skill check hell. And not fun. Which doesn’t help the anxiety I feel over the dice fucking me over I have to overcome to go roleplay!!!

Basically, a good GM, I think, should be willing to bend the rules a bit in the interest of players actually having fun. Even if they want to play very by the books, they presumably want people to… play??

Number 2: A sense of progression.

Maybe it’s just because it’s been years but like. I barely ever really getting to go to town to go shopping. It was just “walk a bit. 5 goblins jump out at you guys while you make camp. Ok they are dead. You rest for a bit and eat some food. You are walking again. 4 guys jump out at you to rob you” so on and so forth.

I’m sure for some people that butters their toast but like. Can we get to a town? Can we talk to people? Why are we even traveling? Where are we going again? Why are we going there besides “to save the world?” Can I level up? Do you have a good way for me to keep all these spell cards I made safe so I can maybe have a chance to remember my long ass list of cleric spells?

Number 3: Lack of… concern for the players (Content warning. Rape of a player character by an NPC.)

Ok. This is the DM complaint I… don’t know where to talk about? Bringing it up with anyone literally shuts down any conversation I’ve ever tried to have and there isn’t a good response to it. So I’m shoving what happened under a read more besides the content warning. I know it isn’t a normal problem in specific but I do feel like the problem of “What does everyone at the table want out of this roleplay experience?” Is a thing a lot of players and GMs a like can miss. Obviously that’s what those safety tool things are for but the newest players who probably need them the most are the ones who aren’t going to know to use them. And so things that seem obvious to not include to one player end up getting casually tossed in and it ends up being a mess. This wouldn’t have happened if I had a discussion with my GM but… how was I supposed to know to ask the GM to not do that?

Specifics below cut. The ultimate culmination of my complaints about DnD. Yes this is where the content warning begins.

So. We were down most of the party because I played with theatre kids and like 3/5 of the party were in a production and it was tech week (week before the show!) so they were gone. It was me, one other player and the GM so we decide to take it easy and do some world building. He was going to introduce us to who I could only presume was a minor antagonist. Which excited me as we hadn’t had much plot! We meet this guy and he’s here to collect the taxes for the town but he is asking for an exorbitant amount. Me and my party member go to confront him, and the DM has him and one of his goons grab and restrain my character, saying that if my character. A woman was so eager to help the town not owe so much, then I could help. With my body. Ok so combat is starting. That’s unfortunate. Oh I’m grappled. Ok can I get ungrappled? Oh ok I just need to make a strength check and I can break free, but they get a turn and they manage to drag me into a horse drawn carriage and our Druid tries to help me escape but fails. So now I’m in a cart being pulled by horse down the road and our Druid starts running after.

The villain then pins my character down in the cart and forces himself on my character. As I roll and fail every strength check. The Druid has wild shaped into a bird and is giving chase to the cart. But a horse drawn cart got a good lead before he transformed, so it’s going to take several turns for him to dash and catch up.

As my character is just getting raped.

we beat the guy up but.

Well. My character wasn’t much of a character. It was sort of just me as a cleric, we didn’t have much time for roleplay or characterization.

I suddenly became very aware I was the only person assigned female at birth at that table. Even when everyone was there.

The DM said the whole encounter didn’t really matter since the whole party wasn’t there and we would be continuing with the main plot in two weeks once the show was over. There wasn’t going to be anything the next week because he was going to go see the show.

I didn’t go back. It turns out it isn’t fun to not be able to do anything because the dice keep fucking you over when the thing you are trying to avoid is not just, being stuck but what very much feels like a threat of violence the DM is taunting you with. I mean. It was just him, one other guy and me in a secluded corner of the school two hours after it let out.

Like I said I… sort of don’t know what to do with this complaint. It’s not like I ever brought it up to him. I never played DnD again after that except for a single one shot me and my best friends at the time did after that we only got an hour into before we abandoned it to goof around instead. Besides, I had to go to school with my GM. He was my GM because he was a friend of a friend. And bringing it up now does nothing but make everyone uncomfortable. There shouldn’t be much of a lesson in it either. So it’s not like there is anything for you to do with this info and you probably shouldn’t have received it.

im sorry. This isn’t much a criticism or defense of any particular system. It’s just me having shitty luck and new, freshman in high school (I was also a freshman) DMs. It’s not like I’m asking for perfection. I just think that whatever system you play. It should be fun for everyone at the table and also everyone should get to play it.

[farasen]

OC lore

So about the OCs that I posted earlier. I'm kinda fixating on them right now so I wanna ramble about them a bit. I wanna name this universe "I sleep with an axe". The events are happening in the beginning of 2000s on the South of Russia. There's no holistic story so far, but in my head it's like a psychological thriller and drama. Main characters do have some lore tho. Before I continue, some TWs: grooming, pedophilia, rape and murder.

Zhenya

Okay then, let's start with the main character - Zhenya, Zheka or Eugene. He lives on the outskirts of the town in a small house with his grandma. He has a mother, but she's been deprived parental rights due to alcoholism. Father, on the other hand, has been absent from his very birth and Eugene doesn't even know if he's alive. After his mom lost custody of him he had to move to another town to his grandmother. He was around 12 years old at the time. The problem is, Zhenya is very shy and it's hard for him to make new acquaintances. Thus, he didn't have any friends, and, despite grandma's efforts, he still felt lonely. That is until he met Andrei - a teacher in his new school who happened to be his neighbour. Now, look what we have - a lonely boy at the new place with no father or male figure at all in his life. And the man was acting friendly and protective of the boy, almost like a father. The day Eugene met Andrei was a turning point in his life. The man would act weird and often make Zhenya uncomfortable, which didn't prevent them from building a bond and later having secret "relationships". As if that hasn't been bad, later on Andrei would drag him into ever more sinister activity – something that almost made him paranoid and actually made him sleep with an axe. Some side facts about him: he likes American films and wants to move there one day. He's the best at English classes because of that. He also like to be called Eugene, but everyone (except Asya) calls him Zheka anyway.

Nastya

Moving on to Nastya. She's a year older than Zheka and is in a higher class. Unlike Zhenya, she hits it off almost with everyone she meets. She hangs out with the guys more often, they consider her "the bro", but she gets along with the girls too. Eugene met her a lot of times at school, but never dared to talk to her. Asya is chill and easy-going, but has some bad habits such as drinking and smoking. Well, it's also part of her way to befriend people - go to outdoor sprees. Although she gets along with people, she never managed to find deep, meaningful connection with anybody. Well, at some point she and Eugene happened to bump into each other and that's how their friendship started. She’d gain a good friend, and he’d overcome his social anxiety with her help. She also has a younger brother Yura, that she'll fight and bite for, because it's the only important thing that's left of her family. No, she's not an orphan, it's just that her parents always fight, Nastya grew up in this chaos and hatred and she doesn't want the same for her little brother. Her biological dad died when she was 5 and a year after her mother got married to her stepdad and gave birth to Yura. Soon enough, their relationships started to go down. Yet, they live, or more like, coexist together to the point of the events of the story. Some side facts about her: she has a lot of moles on her body that she sometimes covers with patches to hide it from the sun. She could wear long-sleeves or something, but it's too hot for that. And her short name isn’t pronounced as ''Aska’’ in English, it has soft ‘’s’’, that’s why I mark it. Also I have a headcanon on her voice:  Твоё нежное безумие - Спазмы памяти.

Yura

Yura is an 11-year-old boy and a little brother of Nastya. Kind of bratty and sometimes acts simply out of spite, especially when his sister started to hang out with Zhenya. He used to get more attention from Asya before this boy appeared in her life, so he’s a bit salty about that fact, but his behavior really gets on Eugene’s nerves sometimes.

Yura has always been close with Nastya, but as the time went on, she stared to talk to other people more and spend less time at home. Furthermore, she’d tease Yura quite often. Of course most of them were just friendly sibling jokes, but due to his age the boy took them close to heart. He was pretty lonely at school too and would often wonder around the town till evening.

Some side facts about him: he likes sharks. He’s grades are bad, except PE and crafts classes. He can study tho, he just doesn’t want to.

Andrei

Oh, and the creep of the story – Andrei. A man in his 40s doesn’t have any family, which confuses people around him because he seems to be pretty nice and hospitable. But that’s only a face that he wears to manipulate others, once you really get to know him you’ll realize that he has a really nasty nature. If you look up the translation of ‘’Твоё нежное безумие - Всегда один’’ you’ll understand what I mean.

Even though, he’s just an English teacher, he fought in Afghan war previously, where he made a lot of helpful acquaintances, plus he receives social payments. This sort of makes him privileged in terms of the town he lives in, because he’s able to get something others can’t. Adults often come to him for help and kid wanna see all the cool stuff they’ve never seen or listen to his stories. But as it was already mentioned, this friendliness is only a mask to deceive others. Like Eugene, for example. In reality Andrei has always been a sadist and a liar. He groomed the boy into thinking that their relationship is normal, though should be kept a secret. He uses a lot of tactics to keep him at bay, mostly threatens him with his connections, but also blackmails him with telling others about his bisexuality, which was very shameful in Russia at that time (and still is sadly). He deprives him from making new friends, which is also the reason why Zhenya didn’t tell him that he started to hang out with Nastya, he thought he’d shut it down instantly. And Andrei probably would, but he did a different thing.

So what was that that ‘’sinister thing’’ I’ve mentioned while talking about Eugene? Well, I think you all understood that he has a thing for younger boys and, apparently, Eugene was not enough. He’d kidnap boys for his own pleasure only to kill them later, but Andrei wouldn’t do it by himself so when he found out Zhenya hangs out with that girl he got mad, sure, but it also gave him an idea. Since that girl knows pretty much the whole town and most likely introduced the boy to her friends, he could bring some guys to him. Of course the boy refused at first, but the man reassured that if he does what he’s told, nothing will happen to him, or his family, or Nastya. That’s how he got dragged into series of rape and murder, even though he never participated in the crime outside of bringing future victims to Andrei’s house.

Side facts about him: he has scars on his arms and palms.

Designs and some story elements may change since I literally started working on this universe like 4 days ago

[udo0stories]

  Never be afraid of shadows. They just indicate that there is a light shining in the area." Renkel, Ruth E. I believed I had a serious problem before I began to heal from my anxiety. Every panic attack, every dreadful morning, and every social gathering I would psychologically brace myself for made me feel as though I lacked something that no one else possessed. When I worked as a grocery store cashier, I avoided socializing with customers twenty-four hours prior to my shift. Yes. That implies that I would not spend Friday afternoon and evening with anyone if I worked on Saturday morning. Why? I had to get myself "ready" for my grocery store entry-level job. I felt like everyone was watching to see if I could go an hour without smiling, and I had to "make sure I felt okay." I was harshly critical of myself and believed that I was worthless to the world if I was not filled with optimism. Additionally, if I did not radiate confidence at all times, people would assume I was not good enough. Upon embarking on my quest to overcome my anxiety, I discovered several life experiences that had significantly impacted my inner world. One of them happened at a dance competition in which I participated when I was younger. I joined a Bhangra group when I was around ten years old. Bhangra is a kind of folk dance that has its roots in Punjab, India. When you see a performance of bhangra, you can tell that the dancers are exuberant and smiling broadly. Bhangra is a very energetic dance form. This is a crucial portion of the show since you want the audience to enjoy themselves, so you need to bring this much energy to the stage. My group had just finished a performance at one of my dance competitions, and the judges were prepared to give their piece. All of the judges were very complimentary, with the exception of one who chose to draw attention to a weakness in my own portion of the performance. "You," he said, pointing to me, younger Raman, "did not seem to be smiling so wide. Everyone did such an amazing job and were smiling so big and having fun," he said. Why did that occur?" My heart stopped as a ten-year-old because every single eye in that auditorium was staring at me. To be honest, I do not think I said much in response, but I cannot quite recall what I said. It was "chill," as best I could. It was probably just a shrug and an "I do not know" as my soul slowly poured out of me in embarrassment before my dance group and I eventually left the stage. We were enjoying ourselves during this dance competition because we were young. We were not even attempting to impress the judges, much less win a national championship. The criticism from that one judge ended up lowering my spirits, even though we did wind up winning a prize. It really affected me to be the one singled out among the group. Our minds may not know why we might grow older with certain fears and anxieties, but the child who went through that suffering is still a part of us. Additionally, the judge from a dance competition takes on the role of an inner judge who assesses us prior to a cashier shift. "Grow your smile!" he exclaims. Both the little and the large painful moments are what stay with us. Even though, as adults, we might think, "Oh, it was just one thing someone said; that is not a big deal," to that little child, it certainly was. It is very significant! This brings me to the first misconception about anxiety that we have: that there is a problem with us. There is nothing wrong with you if anxiety of any kind has ever occurred to you. Your internal system is, in fact, operating precisely as intended! We develop an inner judge to "fix" what went wrong (in this case, not smiling big enough at the dance performance) in order to hopefully prevent having someone criticize us from the outside (at work) and avert a potential future "threat" (in this case, the embarrassment from the judge in my story). Our inner world functions strangely, but it does its duty. It is true that

if you mentally prepare yourself for a big smile at work for twenty-four hours prior to a work shift, you will probably smile big at work, and no one will criticize you for being a downer. You no longer have the energy to give it your all when things start to get really tough. When your inner critic makes you feel inadequate, it gets particularly difficult. It’s usually around this time that people start looking for some help, because even though their inner world is doing its job, it becomes exhausting to keep up with it. This brings me to the second misconception about anxiety, which is that it is a lifelong condition. Many people think that a label you receive from someone has to stick with you for the rest of your life. Not me, though. For example, I made the decision to change my anxiety for the better and to take the necessary steps to treat it when my doctor diagnosed me with moderate generalized anxiety disorder. There is no need to "cope" with anxiety. A young woman who was one of my clients recently exclaimed, "Oh, yay, another coping mechanism!" when I suggested a tool. Even though she was eager to try something new, I had to be honest with her and tell her that she could change her anxiety rather than just learn to live with it. Recognizing the dominant thoughts in your mind is the first step towards changing your fears. Frequently, the anxiety is brought on by overly critical thoughts. We can then inquire as to the source of these thoughts once we become conscious of them. You have a backstory for your anxiety, just as I do! Although there are frequently multiple origin stories—a collection of origin stories—it is helpful to begin with one. You will shift more the more willing you are to change and the more open you are to healing through your story. You do not have to live your life in constant control of your anxiety. It can even function as a passenger. This brings us to the third and last myth concerning anxiety: the idea that healing requires constant tranquility and the total absence of anxiety. The truth is that anxiety has occasionally surfaced during my six years of recovery. I spent weeks being a nervous wreck when I first started offering workshops. When I am trying something new, I still get nervous, but my reaction is different. The process of healing gives us strength that enables us to act and behave differently in the world. Despite my intense nervousness about taking risks in my career, I found the inner strength to pursue it! That is because my life is no longer driven by anxiety. It turned into a welcomed traveler. The fact is, I do not want to throw her out of the car if her experiences and that inner child are the source of her anxiety. I should make a safe place in my life for that little girl. I greet anxiety when it manifests itself. I talk to her, I journal in her voice, and I reassure her that everything will be alright. I tell her that I will be the one to empower and encourage her, that I am not that judge from that day on. She is free to join me at any time on this journey. And it would be a pleasure if she could travel with me. I am here to reveal to her the full extent of the magic within. I am here to help her recognize the qualities and abilities she possesses that no one else can take away. She is a welcome passenger, and I will steer the vehicle in the direction of our mutual benefit. I have learned to be kinder to myself, to see the person behind their mask, and to be a living example of inner peace as a result of my experience with anxiety and the healing that followed. It is possible that the more trying times in our lives also mold us into the people we were destined to be.

[halodeer]

23 05 07

TLDR: In the span of the week* I have outlined a new career path for myself and basically a new life path as well

I'm slowly gonna leave the world of software development and enter the world of personal training until it replaces my job completely. Track (the source of most of my happiness lately) is ending in 3 weeks and I have something else to jump to, THANK GOD. Because last year all I did was go back to my depressive tendencies and did nothing but beat myself up for it.

I planned out my study schedule today and it looks like I can fit everything in within 6 months (which is the maximum amount of time that's I can take to complete the certification).

Things are looking good :) and for the first time in a while, I'm not anxious about this choice at all. It feels so right that its almost scary lol I'm ready to make a decent living while being my own boss, more social interaction in my job, and having more free time. It's exactly what I need even if it might take a while to make as much money as I am now.

I've also been keeping up with journaling and exercising and my eating habits have gone back to normal since my anxiety about the future has subsided for now and I'm not overeating nearly as much.

*BASICALLY LIFE IS GOOD AND ON THE OUTSIDE IT LOOKS LIKE IT HAPPENED OVERNIGHT! But of course it didnt. It took years to get here and thats the crazy part. It took years of me hating myself, being confused after graduation, isolating myself during quarantine, struggling with my body image, and so on and so on. It took all of that and overcoming it to get to this point.

It just feels like a new good phase of life but just like my last good phase, it came after a lot of bad. So if you made it this far, hold on a lil longer! The best advice I ever got during the worst part of my depression was just to wait one more day to do something permanent. Every day, tell yourself "I'll end it all tomorrow" until you never want to say that again.

So I'll see you tomorrow friends <3

[fox-under-the-willow-tree]

How I Overcame My Depression - Advice From Someone Who Was Hospitalised

Who the hell are you?

I first started having symptoms of severe depression and anxiety in my early 20s. This continued for several years, which led to me lashing out to people I cared for, delving into substance abuse to escape myself and eventually being hospitalised when in a rage of sadness I tried to stab myself, but luckily failed. Since then, I've been on a journey of recovery and as years pass, I can slowly tell with more and more confidence that my joy for life has returned. There are still gloomy days when I'm experiencing hints of my past depression, where I wonder what the point of it all is and even question whether I'm truly even recovered. To answer that, I don't really think you can ever fully be recovered, because these are scars that lay deeply and need gentle care to heal. But we're not in a hurry, we have a life time to recover. Furthermore, I don't believe there is such a thing as a "healthy" person and a "mentally sick" person. Everyone oscillates between these two labels, identifying with the one more on certain days, while experiencing the other on more somber days. I know I do. I have had days where I questioned whether there was any progress at all, whether my happiness was an illusion and I was finally seeing the world again for the drabby dark grey reality it really is. And there are other days when I burst with so much life, I feel I might never stop smiling.

Well, what I'm trying to say is that it's okay to take time to recover and have relapses. They're part of the process.

I remember the first time I felt like I was drowning in my depression. I was locked up in a musky small room, smoking one filthy cigarette after the other. I hadn't showered in days. My hair was so tangled, I didn't dare to drag a brush through it out of fear half of it would be torn out. I lived on a diet of greasy snacks. Sometimes overeating, other times starving myself. I was endlessly scrolling on social media, trying to fill the void of boredom, sadness, anger, fatigue, anything, as long as I didn't have to confront my feelings. I lashed out a lot. I had screaming matches with all my loved ones. I wasn't angry at them, I was just filled with immense sadness and any conversation, chatter about my studies and friends, anything beyond laying in bed was terribly tiresome. I was a vile human who hid in her room and ignored people who cared for me out of shame for not being my best self, even though they didn't expect that in the first place.

So, what am I trying to share? A top ten list of tips and tricks to overcome depression? Not necessarily, just a list of things that retrospectively collectively helped me to slowly feel a tiny bit better day by day. None of these are the miraculous potion I was hoping would eradicate my depression. I am afraid such a potion doesn't exist. The only thing it did was lift a featherlight amount of weight from my shoulders, so little I barely noticed an improvement on a day to day basis, until a couple years later I suddenly realised that those panic attacks that were tightly familiar, had not appeared in a long time. I realised I could breathe better and smiled more. I realised I had picked up old forgotten hobbies and interests. I was kinder and more patient with those who loved me. I went to the hairdresser to get a nice haircut and invested in make-up to feel prettier.

But it all happened gradually. So, what did I do in my years of recovery and how did it contribute to my mental well-being?

1. Cry Out Your Feelings

Over the years of substance abuse, anger outbursts and constant need for distraction, I finally forced myself to journal, because I had frankly grown tired of my own raging emotions. So, I started to confront myself in writing. Here were the crucial questions: What was it that I was running away from? What was the reason I was so angry?

Anger is nothing more than an aggressive form of sadness. So I thought and I wrote out my feelings, all in a flow on consciousness. I spilled and wrote my most embarrassing thoughts and I searched inside my broken mind. What did this writing lead to? You can guess it. I ended up crying, a lot. I think I spent a good couple of weeks crying. Crying alone at first and then slowly confronting my feelings of shame by crying in front of my loved ones, who to my surprise did not shun me, but accepted me with open arms. And I just cried over everything. An emotional movie I recognised myself in, I cried over past mistakes, I cried sometimes over nothing, but simply because I experienced the urge to do so.

At the end, there were few tears left. As I'm writing, there are none actually. I've cried them all out and with them, my sadness finally exteriorised itself.

2. Health and Exercice

As I was starting to open up more, my parents decided it was time to help me become more healthy. Body and mind influence each other. A healthy body creates healthy soil for a healthy brain with healthy thoughts. We made delicious meals together containing fish, vegetables, protein shakes, various types of herbal tea and much more. It was also around this time I was considering exercise again. As a teenager, I wasn't a big fan of exercise, but my loved ones encouraged me to give it a try. I remember my mother telling me that it's easier to bear the burden of sore muscles than the burden of an exhausted mind. So, I put my mind to it. It was difficult at first. I didn't feel those famous endorphins in the first week, nor the first month, nor after three months. It was around the six month period that I noticed I wasn't forcing myself to go the gym anymore, but did it out of fun. Now, that was a shocking revelation, because it had been a while since I experienced exercise as fun and it was thrilling to say the least. I also incorporated other forms of exercise. I enjoyed walking around the forest looking at dogs or farm animals. I gave myself challenges to walk to the city center, so I can enjoy a coffee and cake as a reward. I eventually turned exercise into a game with rewards and challenges.

3. Seeking/Creating A Support System

I don't think any of the recovery would've been possible without a support system. I had my parents. I actually don't have many friends (I can count them one one hand), but in those times, I noticed my parents did everything they could to fill the void of my sadness. They took me out for walks, they listened to my ramblings, and my dad bought me small gifts. I received many compliments to boost my confidence. They went full out the moment they noticed their daughter was slowly coming back to them and I threw myself in their arms. It's then when I noticed that I am in fact not a burden. I'm a part of their reality, a part of their body and soul. In other words: I matter.

Now, your support system can be anyone. Your parents, your partner, your therapist, your friends, anyone. But I notice the burden of life is much lighter when it's carried among friends.

4. Find A Meaningful Job

At the very least, we spend maybe 16 hours a week at work. For most of us, it's around 32-40 hours a week. Combining a weak mental health with a stressful job is killer to your self esteem. Of course, not everyone can just up and quit their job, but I kept it in the back of my mind to quit my job first opportunity I got and I noticed a vast improvement.

5. (Re)discover Your Hobbies

I started slowly by watching old series I enjoyed, listening to song I liked as a teenager, even rereading my favorite old books and I felt a tiny spark of curiosity ignite. Some feelings of curiosity vanished quickly, others created small clouds of happy thoughts. These happy thoughts created a chain reaction of interest interlocking. I discovered my love for knitting scarfs as a child and that led to me picking up crochet. I delved into other crafts, such as making earrings. I saw videos of pretty girls doing fun and colorful make-up and tried to incorporate it into my daily style. I struggled with reading during my depression, so I discovered audiobooks, which eased me back into the habit of first reading short novels and then slowly reading bigger ones. I learned about graphic novels and became fascinated with art. My dad took me out shopping and I became familiar with the different types of aesthetics that exist and the hobbies they're associated with. My dark academia phase landed me into learning Latin, which I love very much. To put it briefly, one curiosity leads into another and before you know it, you've fallen into a rabbit hole of undiscovered fun.

Okay, so?

So, to conclude. These are the discoveries I've made along the way. I still feel sad sometimes, even desperate. But I also laugh with my parents again, my bedroom door is open again. I like eating pancakes with too much syrup and applying colorful make-up. I crochet dolls in my free time and reread books from my childhood. I giggle at cat memes and I learned I enjoy banana and spinach in my smoothie. I work out at the gym and I'm quite good at lifting dumbbells. And... and... and....

And that's it, that's my life.

And I think I like it.

[aplaceforthesoul]

Anonymous submitted:

I need help

Hey. This is not my first time reaching out for help, but no one has ever taken me seriously. I really need a solid solution for my current mental state.

It all started in September (2021), but I don't know exactly how. I just started feeling really anxious, scared and stressed out. I always think everyone hates me, that they are plotting behind my back and want to harm me... even the closest people.

I also started obsessing over "life signs" and can't get them out of my head. I see a word "break up" and I think my fiancé will leave me, I hear that some died because of cancer, I think I will too, I hear a sad song, oh something bad is going to happen to me.

I've stressed myself so much lately. I can't sleep at night fearing that all my life will fall apart.

Please help me. I need advice.

feeling like you’re obsessively focusing on something is tough to manage, especially if you feel like you have no control over things.

in the short term, something that you could try doing? whenever you find yourself getting caught up in anxious thoughts or over-thinking, physically stop anything that you’re doing and find somewhere quiet and private (bedroom / bathroom etc). take a moment to focus on your breathing. this post could help with focused breathing techniques, which can help to ground you? focused breathing helps because it works to slow down your heart rate, it decreases blood pressure, it allows more oxygen into the brain so you can think more clearly. also, sometimes saying things out loud can help too. sometimes people really do underestimate the power of affirmations! so saying out loud “I’m not going to let my thoughts get the best of me today, I’m going to stay grounded, I’ve got this” or something like that really can help – it makes things feel a lot more real, and a lot more believable, it gives your words power, and gives you the strength to believe in your own convictions. 

so if there’s days where your thoughts are becoming too loud to cope with and you feel distressed or overcome with anxiety? stop whatever you’re doing, take a few deep breaths and say aloud to yourself “I’m not going to let my thoughts + fear get the best of me today, I’m going to stay grounded, I’ve got this”. repeat it like a mantra if that works, whatever works best.

in the long-term though? support from a mental health professional is what can help the most. I know that’s not easy to get for a lot of people! the conversations around mental health has lessened some of the stigma which is great, but there’s still a massive hurdle of accessibility to overcome and I truly do understand that. but if you have any option to seek professional help (therapists, counsellors, social workers, youth workers, psychologists, psychiatrists), then please please do so. 

let other people in your life know what’s going on, so that they can help you and support you. be honest and open about what you’re going through, keep talking about it and make a point of showing to people that this really is of concern for you. I am taking you seriously! I really am, I believe everything that you’re experiencing, it sounds terribly frightening and isolating. this fear and anxiety may have started to become a little irrational and bordering on paranoia, which is asking for help from others can keep you grounded in reality and can help you through this. let us know how things go for you friend, all the best <3

- tash

[honeyabyss]

Different ways to say I Love You (minus Luke)

Lucifer:

Lucifer isn't the best at saying what he actually feels due to his pride getting in the way, but he makes it up with small gestures

he is very observant and often knows what you need before you know it

putting on the fireplace in his study when he notices you start to rub your hands or shift your legs to warm them subconsciously

refilling your cup/glass while he pours something himself

"You should have dressed better, I can see you're shivering..."

his snarky side comments might sound like he's annoyed, but he actually cares and worries

he will most definitely put his cloak around your shoulders and keep you close to him with a hand on your waist

he's conflicted between staying subtle and showing you off all the time

"Aren't they looking amazing today? Haven't you stared enough yet? You're making them uncomfortable!"

when you're in private he becomes more open and affectionate, but still tries to play it down

him moving with his work away from his work desk to the small coffee table, sitting side by side with you, just to have you close

when he's feeling stressed he tends to intertwine his fingers with yours, seeking the comfort and familiarity of you

Lucifer tries to give you the same he feels when he is with you comfort, peace, a place to hide from the rest of the world

"You are my save haven! I don't always have to be at my best when I'm with you!"

Mammon:

"Hey! Look what I've brought you home. Ain't I the best?!"

small gifts are a regular occurrence with the Avatar of Greed, which don't always have to be the most expensive, extraordinary or thoughtful ones

"I was on the way home when I saw this and thought of you...you needed this right?"

it could have been the most ridiculous thing like a single paperclip, but he'd be so proud to have noticed and remembered you were having troubles organizing your papers yesterday

him being a tsundere makes it hard for him to openly admit or show his love for you sometimes, his thoughts are full of you and he is constantly complementing you and how much he wants to hold you in his arms or kiss...but actually vocalizing or holding and kissing you seems to be way harder

though that doesn't hold him off to keep you close and hold hands in front of others, you're his human and everyone shall know, you're his and his alone, they'd be mad to try and steal you away

as his sin is Greed, hoarding stuff happens often, most of the times he sells them to be able to get money, but every single thing you'll give him will hold a special meaning in his heart, will show off your gifts to brag

but material love isn't the only thing he can give, he'll also gladly give you all his time

he'll randomly invite you to go take a drive with him, just get in the car and go, no set destination, just Mammon and you away from his brothers and all the others

when you're alone he'd still be nervous, but cuddling will happen a lot, though he is always blushing a bright red

"If I could choose to have one treasure in my whole life, I'd choose to only treasure you!"

Leviathan:

being the Avatar of Envy, he is quick to loose his temper when you're talking or even dare touch other people, he'd be rather alone with you, but that doesn't always work, so being open and mindful about his sin is a must

"Soo what did you two talk about? Not that I mind...but you can also talk about everything with me, you know that right?"

he knows that his social skills aren't the best and that he doesn't know about to many normie topics, but he'll try his best to listen to you and come up with responses and ways to keep the conversation going

he wants to make sure you know he loves you so badly, but all he knows about love is from animes or games, so he often tries to recreate romantic scenes only to get thoroughly embarrassed

"d-d-don't laugh! This i-i supposed to be ro-romantic...."

he tries to keep you close to him as much as he can when you're outside

he knows how anxiety inducing it can be for him, when someone suddenly touches him, so he always asks you first, as embarrassing it is to ask you to hold hands or kiss, he feels better knowing you want this too

when he is playing his games, he dislikes it when you disappear out of his vision, wanting to make sure you're still there and letting you know he hasn't forgotten about you even though he is currently concentration on his gaming, he'll keep you in his lap with a furious blush on his cheeks and he might see the game over screen more often but it's definitely worth it

"You make me overcome my weaknesses, just give me time and I'll make you happy!

Satan:

"The weather is nice...do you want to take a walk with me?"

Satan enjoys spending his time with you in any way possible, a simple walk, reading sessions, visiting your favourite places, discovering new cafés, exploring galleries and museums, as long as you're around he is open to try anything

lazing around in his room cuddled up next to you with a good book will stays his favourite though, he has you for himself and it feels reassuring to know you stay with him even on the normal and eventless days

Satan isn't too handsy, but he does keep your hand in his wherever the two of you are, even if you only making your way to the kitchen, he is not exactly jealous just happy to call you his and show it

the subtle intimacy of handholding speaks volumes to him, to others it may seem like the most ordinary couple thing, but he likes to experiment and if his stupid idea of only holding 2 fingers makes you laugh then it was a full success to him

no matter how much control over his sin he has sometimes he breaks too, after getting out all his anger, he tends to be exhausted and feels vulnerable, he'll just sit down with your hands intertwined and his head resting on your shoulder, seeking comfort and affection

"Have you smiled yet? I smile every time I think of you!"

Satan will leave small notes to make your day or send you messages on your DDD when he can't be around you

"Did I ever tell you that you feel like home to me? I hope I can be your home as well!"

Asmodeus:

so many praises and compliments, like you can just sit there looking at your phone and Asmo just coos

"You look sooo pretty!~ let's take a picture together to remember this moment!"

he will take a lot of pictures of you and him, just to look at for himself when he misses you, to show off to his brothers and Solomon, or to the whole Devildom through posting it on Devilgram

he simply enjoys to look at you, though it always ends in a warm hug , kisses and praises

he may not be very poetic or thoughtful with his touches, but he always gives it his all, some feelings he just can't describe in words so he just holds you close to show you his feelings

spa days, shopping tours and going into the club happen often, though he understands if you're not up to it some times, but he will whine and demand to spend you day differently with him

he can't help it he wants to spoil you and show you off, he's is almost never jealous, rather proud even when someone flirts with you, that doesn't mean he'll give you away

"Come here, let me just hold you. You fit perfectly into my arms..."

as the Avatar of Lust, physical touch means a lot to him, not only in the sexual way, but most in importantly in the way of craving affection, he wants to be hold and to hold you, give him all your attention and he'll be happy

"Thank you for staying and accepting me!"

Beelzebub:

sleepily walking through the hallways into the kitchen to keep Beel company while he has his midnight snack and just sitting next to him talking about your day

"Thank you for staying awake with me, do you want me to get you food as well?"

with Gluttony as his sin, food is big part of his daily life, but he doesn't just eat to satisfy his hunger, but also because he enjoys the food, no matter how hungry he is, he'll offer you even the last piece to make you happy

sharing new food and old favourites of his alike, Beel likes to share his food with you, as he feels less hungry in your company anyway

seeing you happy and full makes him happy and full as well, so he puts you first most of the times, letting you choose what you want and going along with your preferences

"Anything is fine with me, you can choose for us."

Beel is also very active, playing Fangol, training and etc, he often invites you to train with him or tries to teach you new stuff, if you don't want too that's fine as well, you can watch and he may try to impress you a little bit, but he won't train much when you're around wanting to rather spend time with you

bear hugs. just you walking basically anywhere and Beel suddenly hugs you tight against his chest, nuzzling your face and having a huge grin plastered on his face

his affectionate hugs and kisses come out of nothing, surprising but welcome, some times he forgets his strength and you'll have to remind him, he'll hold you very carefully then asking if this okay

"I feel complete with you, so just stay by my side!"

Belphegor:

"Lay down with me, I nap better with you at my side!"

obviously nap time with lots of cuddling, he just drapes himself over you, holding you close and sharing his warmth with you...if you're lucky you'll even get a small goodnight kiss, but only if he's in the mood

Belphie is a bit too straightforward with his words and sometimes ends up being a bit mean when he doesn't really want to, so in crucial moments with you he tends to become quiet and seek out to hold and hopefully show you his feelings

Belphie isn't handsy but he loves to cuddle, he may not always hold your hand when taking a walk but as soon as you two sit down he'll hug you close without saying a word

when he finds you sleeping somewhere without him, he is a bit hurt at first but he recovers quick, he'll make sure you're resting comfortably, the pillow is soft enough and that the blanket keeps you warm, even going to the length to bring you his own blanket if fell asleep anywhere but you're room, without a doubt he'll feel tired after taking care of you and will fall asleep right next to you

"Sleeping without me...unbelievable...I'll just have to squish myself next to you then.."

his other passion stargazing always ends up with him hugging you and telling you about the different constellations and it's stories until you fall asleep...only when he is sure you're dreaming he dares to run his fingers through you hair and lowly hum a lullaby into the otherwise silent night

"Let's dream our life together and promise to make it true one day!"

Diavolo:

as the prince of Hell, Diavolo only ever knew people who treated him with respect, always leaving him to feel lonely and out of place, but then you came and you weren't scared neither did you treat him like a prince, you made him your friend and soon more

with you he feels finally complete and he tries to show you his appreciation and affection any free moment of his time

he'd buy you anything you want not caring about the price, but please tell him that a small and thoughtful gift makes you just as happy as anything else

being with you always has him giddy and bursting with love, he can't hold back and will shower you in attention or at least watch you do your thing

"You're looking radiant my love! I can't believe you're mine!"

similar to Beel he has these affection attacks where he'll just suddenly have the urge to hug you and shower you in kisses

being prince requires a lot of paper work, which he dislikes, when you're around he'll indulge himself in a few more breaks than he should, ending in him having to work overtime much to his dismay

"Will you stay up waiting for me at home?"

He knows it's a selfish thought, but he loves the feeling of coming home to you and getting greeted, he feels at peace when you're there and wait for him

"I'll never have to feel lonely again, when I have you!"

Barbatos:

as a butler time isn't something he has much of, so he some times feels like he can't give you enough, he'll try to meet as often as possible but often it's only for an hour or so a day

"Do you need anything else? More tea? Anything?"

He'll probably be stuck in his butler role and try to serve, completely disregarding himself, just grab him and make him sit down

Barb isn't used to physical touch and feels less comfortable to hold you in public, handholding is the maximum for him, he probably needs some time to get used to the more affectionate things

but when in private gentle touches, soft hugs and small kisses are his thing, just small reassuring stuff while you two relax and talk about daily life

he is more of a listener and he enjoys listening to your voice, it's one of his comfort things, hearing your voice means you're safe and that helps him keep calm a lot...he may not show it, but on the inside he is always worried for you living in between demons, he's on of them he knows how dangerous it can get

phone calls while he works happen more and more often as your relationship progresses, the need to see you gets stronger, but he can't just leave work, so you'll talk over the phone

"I missed you so I had to call. How is your day?"

night-time is his favourite, no work, no on watchers, just you two and your love for each other, if only it could be always like this

"One minute with you feels like eternal bliss, imagine our happiness if you'd stay with me forever!"

Solomon:

Solomon has watched many people die in his life, so he got used to not getting attached too much, falling in love with you wasn't planned, but he can't help feeling clingy with you now

he'd play it down, aloof as he always seems, but on the inside he is screaming at you to not go at the end of the day, just one more hug, one more kiss, maybe stay over the night?

he'd never say it out loud and every time he does say something affectionate something teasing or a 'just kidding' follows, scared he might seem too clingy

"You're my everything, without you I feel like I'm suffocating...just a joke I'm breathing fine, see?"

he's always touching you in some way, holding your hand, arm around your shoulder, his hand on your waist, back or knee, whatever he just wants to feel the warmth of your skin telling him you're still there

he has lived through so many human lifetimes and experienced so much, he's happy to share all the good stuff with you and show you the most wondersome places in all three realms

the bad stuff though he keeps to himself, guides you away and hopes you'll never experience it

"Hey! Surprise I was close by and I thought we could take a walk?"

Solomon loves spending his time with you in whatever way, just whisk him away to whatever activity you'd like, surprise dates are his favourite, he doesn't want to plan out his whole life

"Now is my favourite moment with you. Why? Because I'm with you!"

Simeon:

Simeon as an author has his way with words, being able to spin them just right so every moment will become perfect, but he's more used to writing than talking and he'll use that to his advantage

"Even in the darkest of nights, your beauty lightens the room!"

expect love letter, sweet notes and poems written by him, hidden your schoolwork, waiting for you on your desk in RAD, on your pillow at HoL, anywhere he can sneak them to he will

and trust me he'll get so happy when he finds out you kept every single one of his writings

he also loves cuddles but only in private, in public he'll restrain himself to simple handholding or guiding you through the streets with your arms linked together

he enjoys to spoil you with attention, doing whatever you want, often it leads to cooking where as Luke likes to join in too, long walks, reading sessions, late night movies and cuddles, or even just long conversations about everything and anything you two can think of

"My lamb, may you come over and help a poor author who has lost his inspiration to write?"

when he is stuck with his writings he likes to take a break with you and hold you tight in his arms listening to your suggestions until he feels inspired again, no pressure though he can keep writing any time he doesn't have to come up with something on the spot, just distracting him for a bit works too

"I may have found paradise in your arms tonight, do you think your heart may be so kind to let me stay?"

[itoldsunset]

ipytm episode 3 thoughts (very very long), take it or leave it. i have a lot of asks in my inbox and honestly i'm overwhelmed (there are a lot of feelings about this episode that i'm not prepared to hold because i am processing my own) so i don't think i'll get to them, but here are my reactions after thinking about it for a bit.

i kind of wonder what my reaction to episode 3 would have been had i stayed off of social media all day yesterday. my mindset going into ipytm was, "i don't want a cheating plot, but if there is one, i trust nadao to handle it well" because they're responsible for some of the best writing i've ever seen in thai television. i still believe that. i wish they hadn't chosen the cheating plot because there are other relationship conflicts to explore that don't involve cheating, but for me it's not a dealbreaker.

i disagree with critiques saying they did it for ratings or sensationalism. if anything, they lost viewers from this. people are not okay with cheating plots, and the team most likely knew this when they wrote it. yet they took that gamble anyway, which makes me want to believe they have something they want to say, and i'm waiting until the series ends to give my final judgment on whether they succeeded in that message.

i watched the episode live and saw thai fans' live reactions on twitter, then i spent the morning checking everyone's reactions here on tumblr. as of right now, thai twitter has not stopped insulting the director, the writers, and the company. the backlash is harsher than anything i've seen from international fans (i'm leaving it at that so please don't ask me). pretty much everyone hated what happened this episode, which i understand. but i don't think it means that it was lazy writing or that teh was out of character. i definitely think there's a problem, though, if the majority of viewers are feeling alienated from the show, because it means something went wrong along the way with the storytelling.

it is totally possible and in character for teh to cheat on oh-aew, because you can love someone with your whole heart and still hurt them and betray them (to be clear, it's still not okay). and it is totally possible for teh to have done something as shitty as this and still grow up to be a decent person in the end. this is where the time jumps become an issue for me. we left episode two with teh crying because he was afraid of losing oh-aew, and then we land in his third year where he's seemingly indifferent to oh-aew. but we weren't part of that journey, and the storytelling didn't lead us there emotionally. all we see is oh-aew being a super dedicated partner who is trying to salvage their relationship, while teh is completely distant and seems to have given up altogether.

i get it, he's insecure about his career and the possibility that he might end up like khim, and jai is the last thing he has to latch on to his now-more-elusive dream of becoming an actor. he's barely thinking about oh-aew and he's incapable of being a good partner right now, especially since oh-aew's success and happiness in advertising probably makes teh doubt himself even more. he's so in his head he's not even himself anymore. he has completely lost who he is, which is why he seems so foreign to us here. the objective facts are all there, but the emotional connection to make me empathize with him isn't, which is why all the shitty things he did this episode--juxtaposed against all the wonderful things oh-aew did--make him come across as such an exceptionally terrible person. and the thing is i know he still loves oh-aew. in the sex scene, he still clearly loves oh-aew. sure it was initiated by a desire to improve his acting for jai, but during the sex and the morning after, the love and affection for oh-aew are still there. teh just doesn't recognize it because all he sees is oh-aew having left him for better (a new career track he's happy with and doing well in, a group of friends who understand and support him) while teh remains stuck in the same loop holding on to jai as his last hope, which is why he's giving jai his everything. none of that makes any of it okay, but it makes it make sense.

i wish they had spent more time developing this internal conflict so that we could see it better, because it was only after rewatching it a couple of times, sitting on it, and reading people's reactions that i could begin to understand where teh is at in this episode. and i know we like that itsay gave us a lot to analyze, but i think ipytm has tried to jam too much into too few episodes that it ends up leaving the audience with blanks to fill in, which is a bit more work than i want to do when i'm enjoying a series. i think teh and jai got too much screen time, and teh and oh-aew not enough. i think there's a lot of insider stuff about drama/comm arts that's taking up space, which might resonate with folks who come from that field but not the majority of the audience who don't speak that language. i think if they had given more time to exploring teh and oh-aew's relationship, we wouldn't be seeing as much of this backlash.

a cheating plot doesn't make it cheap drama. i would happily watch a series that tackles infidelity in relationships because it is a super real topic with lots to explore: how does a couple navigate the aftermath of infidelity? can they rebuild trust, and how? what are the consequences to the relationship? all of these are important things to address, but the topic deserves a lot more space than a five-episode series can deliver, especially when it's combined with teh and oh-aew's other conflicts related to career, ambition, and other coming of age struggles. so for me it's not the cheating plot that's the problem but more so the fact that i don't think there's enough time for them to do it justice.

all that said, i think there's a tension here between a creator's creative vision and audience expectations, and i think this is an example of the showmakers maybe going too far in their vision to the point of alienating the audience. itsay is a comfort show and teh is a comfort character for a lot of us, and it's justifiable that folks are upset at the turn he's taken in ipytm. i'm also disappointed that it seems like teh remains the main character in ipytm while oh-aew's role has been reduced, because i can tell pp's acting has really improved and i would have loved to see more of him on the screen. the cheating storyline also makes it a lot harder to root for teh and oh-aew, and that honestly hurts the audience and affects our relationship to the show, and is another consequence of the writers choosing to go in that direction.

for me personally, itsay was full of angst but it gave me joy to watch because i loved watching teh and oh-aew fall in love with each other and i was rooting for them to overcome their obstacles to be together. ipytm has proven a lot more stressful to watch, where it doesn't spark that same joy but a lot more anxiety about "what's next," which was definitely a choice in setting the mood of the sequel. the material just doesn't work with the audience's emotions in the same way, it almost works against us. there's not the same sense of comfort and nostalgia and romance, but a darker realism of coming of age, and i wouldn't blame people for dropping off for that because it's a legitimate shift and doesn't match everyone's tastes in terms of the media they want to consume. i think we can hate the choices that were made here because they don't speak to our demands as an audience, but i wouldn't say they did it for the drama or for the ratings.

[low-budget-korra]

Lets talk about Korra (again)

i already made this analysis, and it was well received but i dont know, i wanna do it again. Why not right? My english is better now than was when i made that analysis so i think  this one will be better written

What a way to introduce a protagonist. This line and this scene tell us everything we need to know about Korra at that time and everything she knew about herself.

In book one Korra is a 17′s old teenager who have no idea how the world, how life is outside the training center she grew up in and had been locked up since ever. So she is not only naive but have lack of social skills

Oh, and not everyone who lack’s social skills will act like Zuko and Azula okay? Korra can be confident, expressive and outgoing and still have problems when it comes to social skills.One thing dont exclude the other.

“I’m the Avatar and you gotta deal with it” did you guys notice that only for that line we can see the entire opposite on how she treat her role as avatar in comparisson with Aang? And im not here to judge because is two very different contexts.

As far as we know, Korra grew up without friends or romantic partners. Of course, she had her training partners but i believe that they are just that. 

So her entarely perception of herself was around her duty as Avatar, she didnt have personal life, she barely was Korra...She was The avatar and thats that.

So she came to Republic City, it was a mess. 

Its funny to see that she have no touch when it comes to simply talk to people, i guess when you grew up away from society, this happens. And yes, she is cocky and had to learn that people arent there to somewhat please her, and she learned that quicky. 

Thats why the Pro Bending was important for her character, not only for training but also as means of socilization.

Now lets talk about the villains: Amon and Tarrlok

The two of them represents two differents threats to Korra. Amon represents a threat to her duty as Avatar while Tarrlok represents a threat to Korra as a person.

In episode 4 we have what i still thinks is the darker episode from TLOK. In this episode Amon ambushes Korra in the final moments... Even knowing that they did their best to make Amon’s power and control be non-sexualized as possible still...He have her down on her knews, totally helpless and he even invades Korra’s personal space by touching in her face forcing her to look at him. He didn't have to sexually touch her to violate her.

And right after, the fear in Tenzin voice when asking what happened after seeing her laying in the ground like that, and how Korra is sobing in his arms teeling him how powerless and helpless she felt. I mean...Oh, and she keeps terryfied by him until he takes her bending.

Tarrlok in the  other hand doesnt do much different from his brother and started to harass Korra because he cant take ‘no’ as a answer when Korra didnt wanted to join his task force.

Whats interesting is that if it wasnt for Tarrlok harassement and maniputation, Korra wouldnt have joined his task force and wouldnt have confronted Amon and wouldn't have gone through that terrible encounter.

The thing is that Korra is caught right in the middle of a politcal power dispute over the city, something that she for sure wasnt prepare for it. And both Amon and Tarrlok woud hurt or kill her without think twice about it if that means gain  power. And that was exacly what happened

Tarrlok tried to manipulate her and keep her on leash where he could, and when his tatics didnt worked anymore he alreay had a plan B. Yes that whole metal box in that cabin in the middle of nowhere was made especifically for her and maybe Tenzin if he also get in his way.

In the end Korra lost the physical battle against both but won the ethical battle also against both. She was the responsable for expose both of them as corrupted and hypocrites. But at what price? Amon was able to remove the bends of the Avatar. And without them, how could she be the Avatar?

Remember that her entirely conception of herself was built around her duty as Avatar, be the avatar. After all, everything she was, everything she'd trained so hard for, had been destroyed in minutes. Thats why i still strongly believe that she was thinking about killing herself at the end, nobodys goes all sad and crying to in front of a clifft without thinking about jumping from it. 

But she, i think given up the idea and just sit and started to crying when Aang appeared and help her, giving her bendings back in one of the best scenes of the show. So after have everything solve and still managed to get the boy she was in love with, things where great and she “move on”

In that first half, Korra is unbearable. Everything she learned in Book 1 how to be more mature, less spoiled and all, was thrown in the trash and she was the same "child" of the book one only worse.

Until I stopped and realized that I was also unbearable and childish like this when I had my bad phases of anxiety and depression, as defense mechanism and keep people away. Returning to Korra, and if this way of acting of her was nothing more than this defense mechanism?

Because guess what, i dont think she “move on” from all that happened in Book One that fast, and for add more drama she discovered that was her father idea of keeping her locked up training in that training center we saw in book one and not traveling like avatars before her. No wonder she felt betrayed. And for adding even more drama, people still keep treating her like child, so she was despered for some validation. Something that she found in her uncles arms but she was betrayed by him after.

In the end, Korra again goes through a traumatic experience when she has her connection with past lives destroyed. We see how it affected her when she apologizes to Tenzin, through tears. And Tenzin, as the excellent master he is, tries to motivate her to face Vaatu again (now merged with Unalaq, her uncle) and again she saves the day even after go throught a traumatic event

In the final moments, we see the innocent decision to reconnect the world of spirits and the world of men. And we also see Korra and Mako permanently end their turbulent relationship.

Book 3 begins in a more mature, we see all the characters being presented in a more mature way and it seems that Korra now has overcome everything that has passed. We have the relationship between Korra and Asami deepening as well

In Book 3, called "Change" we have a great sacrifice from Korra. Her life goes down a notch when she decides to save the new airbenders from Zaheer and the Red Lotus, the only villain until now that really threat her life since their sole goal was to kill the avatar.

Korra won again but this time victory costed way too much. Yes she save the day again but now she was  physically and psychologically defeated. It was too much, she broke.

Book 4 begins and we only saw Korra in the final minutes and she is unrecognizable. We see that, once proud and courageous avatar, in someone depressed and cowerd. We never have saw Korra like that, even when she was afraid of Amon she wasnt like that.

Korra is afraid of being the Avatar again and her fight against PTSD is still one of the most sensitive, responsable and honest representation of Mentall Issues that i saw, and it was before this subject gain more space on media. It was before people started to give attention to this

I also think that she was having flashs from her other fights and not only the one against Zaheer.

Another thing I think is worth mention is that Korra took 3 years to feel safer and re-embrace her duties as Avatar. It was not 3 weeks or 3 months, it was 3 years. And anyone who suffers from some mental illness knows very well the stigma that is, the fight that is, because everyone wants you to be well faster as possible  when the truth is that many times you spend years fighting against this.  And this is a pressure that falls on you.Imagine, seeing all your friends moving forward while you continue "stock in the same place"?

Only after Korra confronts Zaheer, I think that was a way to show her coping with the trauma, she improves to the point of returning to be the great Avatar we know. I personally still struggles with this scene because put the victim in front of her agressor may not be the best idea but i understand that she needed to see that he was just a man and not the invencible monster her mind was telling her

One of the lines that stuck with me the most was in the TLOK version of the ember island players, the one that made a recap of the show before the finale. When Korra said “I was so naive” just before we watch her narration of her journey, we can feel pain, sadness and strenght. Janet was amazing in the way the delivered this line.

And this fucking quote i saw here on tumblr still is the goat: “The Last Airbender is a story of a boy who becomes a god. The Legend of Korra is the story of a goddess who becomes a girl "

And I still get really pissed when someone comes to talk shit about  Korra because she is such an incredible heroine and her journey is also so incredible.

The story of how life can be hard and unfair, how it can hurt and paralyze, but there is always a reason to move on. We should always move on.

Korra is definitely not weak, quite the opposite, she is one of the if not the strongest heroine I have ever seen. Korra inspires overcoming 

[obeiii-mee]

How will the bros react to MC self-doubting themselves? Like saying bad things about them or can't be serious someone give them compliment.

Supportive demon bois coming right up! Sorry I took so long to write this anon! Thank you so much for the ask! (Also, thank you all for the love on my previous posts!)

————————————

The Brothers with an MC who self doubts themselves:

Lucifer:

-As the embodiment of pride itself, Lucifer has an overwhelming amount of confidence, almost all the damn time

-So, he was flabbergasted to learn that you weren’t the same

-He always insisted that you aren’t anything but perfect, yet you always seemed to brush the compliments off with a shrug and an awkward smile

-Well, shit, we can’t have that

-Lucifer just got 10x more serious about the matter

-He pulls a really stupid concerned face whenever you insult yourself and he looks more and more like a 48 year old man/dad each time it happens

-He, as of late, increased the number of pet names he has for you and the amount of compliments he gives you each day

-He refuses to let you talk badly about yourself anywhere, at any point in time and encourages every little step you take towards bettering yourself like crazy

- Lucifer wants to prove to you that you are an absolute ray of sunshine and he will go to any lengths to do just that (do not ask)

-He’s even more affectionate than usual which confuses just about everyone in the House of Lamentation, yourself included

-His brothers are feeling a disturbance in the force and they don’t know how to feel about it

-You are possibly the best thing that’s happened to him since he fell as angel and Lucifer is ready to do whatever he can to help you realise that

Mammon:

-“You’re an idiot!”

-“*Sigh*, I know.”

-“Wha-Wait! Y-you can’t say thAT!”

-The Great Mammon is seriously worried about his human

-Being the dense motherfucker he is (i still love him tho) it took him weeks to realise you’re not all that confident in yourself

-At some point in your relationship, he jokingly called you annoying and you just went “Yeah I’ve been told. Sorry.”

-His jaw literally dropped and he almost cried

-He would have choked if he was drinking something

-Tsundere Mammon has gone bye bye and here comes the cuddling teddy bear that is your boyfriend

-He also doesn’t have as much self love for himself as he sometimes pretends to have so he’s kinda in the same boat

-Which means your boat is leaking and you’re perfectly fine with it while he’s panicking and trying to throw water overboard with his hands

-His brothers call him an idiot a lot but he’s a very sociable guy with people skills that he uses all the time in order to coax you out of your self pitiying shell

-Will whine every time you call yourself ‘useless’ or disagree with his compliments because what the hell, you’re literally the most gorgeous being ever let me love youuuu

-When it comes to you and your happiness, he ain’t fucking around. He will snarl at anyone that even looks at you in the wrong way

-Did that to Lucifer once, guess a what happened

-You’ve definitely helped him come to terms with the fact that he is loveable and not a good for nothing scum

-So now it’s your turn!

-Let him kiss your insecurities away please

-Your presence makes him feel wanted so he wants the same for you!

Levi:

-Well then

-It takes two to tango ya know?

-He is the KING of self loathing and no confidence whatsoever in anything he does so every time you put yourself down, he counters it with a self deprecating insult as well

-“I suck.”

-“Nah, you’re pretty awesome normie. I’m the shut in, disgusting otaku who can barely set foot outside his bedroom without having an anxiety attack.”

-It’s like you’re trying to outdo the other on who is worse

-Truth is, he really admires you, especially knowing you chose to date him; an anime nerd with no social life and no communication skills whatsoever

-It hurts a bit, every time he builds up the courage to actually compliment you and you not taking it seriously

-That’s because he recognises that he’s the same and just as harsh on himself as you are

-Levi knows self hatred is something that takes time to demolish

-But you are his Henry after all (also his partner but whatevs)

-He’s not gonna leave you hanging when you need him the most

-He also gradually stops calling you a normie as your relationship progresses, though it still slips through every now and again

-Basically, the first time he realised that you think negatively of yourself, his immediate reaction was: Haha lmao relatable

-But now, every time it happens, he gets all serious

-Puts his controller down and everything, it’s like witnessing a very rare phenomenon and it’s creepy as shit

-He’s also made an effort to be more physically affection though he is kinda shy about it because damn it he just wants to hug you every time you speak badly of yourself

-Probably writes a list at some point stating all the reasons why you are better than him and Ruri chan combined, it’s rlly sweet

Satan:

-He’s a bit curious as to where that mentality has come from

-What triggered you to be so self doubtful?

-He’s basically your psychotherapist and asks you a lot of questions trying to find different causes and solutions for your issues

-Honestly, he puts so much effort into trying to understand, reading books about it from the human realm and whatever he can find in order to help you

-He scrunches up his nose every time you call yourself an idiot or anything of the sort

-Satan knows that insisting you’re wonderful won’t exactly help you overcome this problem of yours

-But that doesn’t stop him from doing it

-It’s not like you can ignore his comments because he will keep complimenting you until you accept them

-He also repeats a lot of pick up lines but that’s just part of being his partner

-What do you mean you’re worthless?!! He would literally give away all of his books and his hatred for Lucifer in exchange for your well being!

-Satan is possibly the smartest out of all of his brothers, so he uses a tactical approach on this one

-Direct affectionate gestures don’t work on you so he’s gonna be more subtle

-Would slightly hint that you are amazing every time you do something for him, like fetching him a book or something

-“Ah thank you. I don’t know what I would do without you love.”

-He’s a lot smoother than he gives himself credit for

-He just appreciates your existence and that there’s someone out there that he doesn’t need to be act hostile or fake toward

-Satan is ready to sit down and listen to you talk about your insecurities for hours on end

-You would quietly say something bad about yourself and he would run through the House of Lamentation before bursting into the room you are in, shouting ‘No! That’s wrong!’ (going Danganronpa on your asses)

-“Welp, I fucked up again. I can’t do anything right.”

-And then, in the distance you hear boss music starting

Asmo:

-*Shocked Gasp*

-How could you say such things about yourself???? Is that even leGAl?

-Of course, the literally prince of Lust, with all of his narcissism, has never experienced things like ‘self doubt’ of ‘bad self esteem’

-Pfft, the fuck is that?

-He only uses the most positive of words when he describes himself

-So obviously he almost falls off the bed when he hears you insulting yourself for the first time

-But ya know, that would leave bruises on his beautiful skin

-“Oh darling, you’re not annoying or a moron! You’re not anything like Mammon!”

-That was a below belt fatal hit, press f in the chat for the second eldest

-At some point, he just genuinely believes you’ve been spending too much time with Levi and that his negativity started rubbing off on you

-But then you tell him you’ve always been like this and he almost has a crisIS

-He’s like ‘Haha, no, we’re going to get a spa day out tomorrow and a few shopping sprees so I can prove to you that you are magnificent in every way imaginable.’

-Asmo loves pampering you in general but on the days he sees you feeling extra sorry for yourself, he goes above and beyond

-Gets very hurt when you brush off his compliments because he just wants you to accept the fact that you’re beautiful

-He’s like a supportive mom lmao, whenever you’re feeling self doubtful, he goes “You’re doing great sweetie, keep it up I’m really proud of you.”

-It’s up to you to decide whether that helps or not

-He’s such a sweetheart in reality, it’s hard to remember that he’s supposed to be horny all the time

-Well he is but that’s not the point, you’re way more important

-Asmo is so much fun to write cuz I can make him so dramatic it’s hilarious

Beel:

-Oh no :(

-He gets very sad everytime you self deprecate yourself

-You can’t do it with him in the room because he’s going to start crying and give you this kicked puppy stare, it will break your heart

-Beel kinda comes over and goes “If I give you some of my food will you please stop saying bad things about yourself? Because it’s not true.”

-Well you can’t say no to that face

-He feels like it’s his fault you’re this self doubtful even though you’ve tried to explain to him you’ve always been like this

-He goes crying to his twin half the time because he doesn’t know what to do

-“I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to drop it! Fucking hell, I’m such a fucking klutz.”

-“Sniffle no you’re not.”

-He’s like, giving you large portions of his food now

-Because food makes him happy so he wants you to be happy too

-🙂

-His brothers go in shock every time because the only other person Beel has ever shared his food with before was Belphie

-Physical affection goes through the roof with this guy

-Bone crushing hugs btw

-Your self worth is so immeasurable with him, you can’t even measure it

-W h o a

-I’m being serious, don’t talk badly about yourself in front of him unless you want to be hugged into next week

-You are a literal angel in his eyes, of course he thinks highly of you

-He’s just hoping his presence isn’t making your self esteem worse, that’s the thing that keeps him up at night

-Idk why but he does think that he is a bad influence on your mental well being since he’s a demon

-Beel gives you compliments all the time and it confuses him when you laugh them off uncertainly because he wasn’t joking or lying??

-He’s always supportive of your choices and encourages you to be more confident

-The same way you show your support everytime you come to his games to cheer him on

-Overall, he just wants you to feel special and appreciated

-Because you deserve it

-IneedmyselfaBeel

Belphie:

-He feels like absolute shit

-Becuase he’s well aware he‘s called you a few...not so nice words in the past

-Back then, he only thought he meant everything he said but now that he’s hearing you accept his insults and actually repeating them yourself?

-It hurts his brain and he wants to smash his head against all four walls of the room for being such a cretin

-You do tell him it’s not exactly his fault you think so badly of yourself

-But he still believes he fueled it

-So now he needs to fix it

-He’s tried everything and I mean everything

-It’s kinda working, slow progress is made which he’s really happy about but you know, it’s gonna take a while

-He finally settles on physical affection as the best way to communicate his gratefulness for you being youself

-Oh, he wasn’t hugging you before? He is now, get your ass next to him and let him cuddle you

-Handholding has increased by 69% in the last month, sorry for the loss of your right hand with how much he squeezes it

-Sometimes, he can’t help but a throw an insult at you in a playful manner, because he’s an asshole

-But he always makes sure you understand that he was just joking

-He’s such a little shit, you would be having a chat with him and you would subtly drop a insult at yourself hoping he wouldn’t notice

-But then he stops dead in his tracks, kisses you, says “Shut up, you’re stunning” and then he goes right back to the previous conversation like nothing happened

-Accept his compliments damn it otherwise he will continue to bug you about it for the rest of the day

-He’s an eboy and he’s a dickhead a times, but he just goes soft for you tbh

-If you’re feeling really bad about yourself, he won’t even say anything

-He will just big spoon you for the next 24 hours, good luck going to the bathroom or any meals during that time

-Because once you’re in his grip, you’re not getting out that easily

-He gets so pissy if anyone says something even slightly negative about you to your face

-One time, a random demon called you stupid in one of the classes at RAD and he was like ‘bïtch excuse me what?’

-Snapped his head around at him and everything

-He would have done something worse but he was lazy and feeling really petty

-So Belphie kicked him in the privates from under his desk like a damn spoiled brat

-And then he turned his head back to you, all smiles and rainbows and puppies

-I’m simping so hard for a fictional character wtf

-I had to write more protective Belphie cuz I can’t find anything of the sort anymore and I need flUFF

(Haha, I don’t know what this post is, my writing has officially taken a shit lmao. Sorry this took so long to finish, I kept going back to edit all of them)

Al~

[the-witty-pen-name]

Rekindling

Part Two of The Necklace (2/3)

Read Part One Here

Obi-Wan x Reader (f)

Warnings: none; fluff and angst 

Word Count: 1.4k

Based on this Request:

“If you still need that inspiration... maybe an obi-wan thing where he makes the reader a beautiful necklace when they were young padawans and they get separated bc reader goes om a long mission but when they meet again as adults she still wears it and then he confesses his feelings (a bit of anakin teasing his master about his obvious feelings sprinkled in perhaps😂)”

A/N: Like part one, parts in italics are flashbacks! Thank you all so much for reading and I hope you like Part Two! Thanks again to @katevino for the request!

My tags are also now open for anyone who would like to be added! Also my requests are currently open!

Part three will be posted Thursday and will contain smut so this can be read as a two part fic or a three part fic. This one reads like it can be the end even though there is another part coming!

“When are you leaving?” he asked you, tears threatening to fall as they filled the corners of his eyes.

“Tomorrow morning,” you reply unable to meet his gaze so you keep your eyes fixed on the pattern of the tiles on the floor.

“How long will you be gone?” he sniffles, looking back up to you. He puffs out his chest slightly, like he’s trying to prevent strength and you don’t know if that’s for your or his sake.

“Indefinitely,” you respond after a sharp intake of breath to steady your breathing. “Master Yoda said it’s more like a relocation than one mission. I’m to accompany my Master as he is needed on Alderaan. Obi-Wan, I don’t have a choice.”

You weren’t children anymore, and it was so incredibly foolish of you both to have allowed your feelings to overcome you both this way. He had only just returned from Tatooine, the Jedi Consul meeting with Qui Gon-Jinn and the boy they brought back as the two of you spoke. Silent looks of desperation and sadness exchanged between the two of you. You were already torn apart once, and now just as he returns back to you, you are being sent away again.

“Let’s run away together,” he says suddenly, taking your hands.

“Obi-Wan…”

“We can leave the Order,” he begins quickly, letting his emotions completely take control. “We can move far away from here and just be together. We can get married, and just not have to hide anything. I want you, and I always have. I’d leave right now if you wanted. I care more about you than anything else in this lifetime. We can go to Naboo- I know you said you’d always wanted to visit and I promise you it’s beautiful.”

“Obi-Wan,” you say shaking your head, cutting him off. You keep your eyes closed tightly, trying to keep tears from spilling uncontrollably. “No.”

He sighs, but his breath is so shaky. You both are trying your best to find composure. “I’m sorry,” he says finally, resting his forehead against your own.

“I’m going to miss you,” you say, and you just now realize there is a steady stream of tears rolling down your cheeks.

“(Y/N), please,” Obi-Wan says, not entirely sure what he is even asking as he lifts his thumb to your cheek to wipe away the tears.

“We dedicated ourselves to the Jedi Order,” you say, trying to talk yourself out of his plan that you so desperately just wanted to surrender to. “Obi-Wan, we have been so incredibly blinded by our emotions. How can we allow ourselves to be so selfish as the galaxy is faced with the possibility of war?”

“I suppose you’re right darling,” he sighs. You both had responsibilities that weighed more important than your own personal tragedy.

“You should do your best to forget about me,” you struggle to say, stepping back from his embrace. “We should move forward from here like nothing ever- we never happened. Focus and commit to the code we pledged to uphold. It was all a mistake.”

“Darling, loving you was never a mistake.”

And with that, you were gone. Unable to bear being near him for another moment. It was too painful.

It had been ten years since you had last been at the Jedi Temple. As you navigate the halls to find your sleeping quarters, you notice the feeling of home you once felt here no longer existed for you. Perhaps that feeling all those years ago was Obi-Wan, you wonder. Finding your quarters, you survey the emptiness of the room. It was so incredibly sparce, and you imagine how you would decorate it if time permitted you to stay.

You feel uneasy, the Temple now feeling foreign to you when it was once the only place you had ever known. You remember back to that last conversation with him and how miserably you failed to forget and overcome your feelings. You wondered if Obi-Wan had been more successful. He must have, you think, you know Obi-Wan very well and he always excelled in areas of the Force you struggled with. You try your best to let the thoughts of him slip away to the back of your mind and try to get settled.

Meanwhile, Obi-Wan and Anakin were just returning back to the Temple. Anakin ruthlessly pestering Obi-Wan with questions.

“I think she is still in love with you, Master,” Anakin said with a grin, happy he was successful in making Obi-Wan flustered. “I sensed something when you two were talking.”

“Anakin,” Obi-Wan replied, “I must insist you stop bringing up these theories of yours.”

“They aren’t theories, Master,” Anakin chuckles, shaking his head at Obi-Wan. “And deep down you know I’m right.”

Obi-Wan sighed heavily, crossing his arms, thinking on how to respond to Anakin. “Anakin, it was over ten years ago. You need to put this to rest.”

“You need to stop running from your feelings, Master.”

“I wasn’t the one who ended things,” he says, exasperated. “She was the one who was stronger than me- she always has been. Now, please, don’t bring her up again.”

“I’m sorry Master,” Anakin says earnestly.

“It’s okay,” he replies with a sad smile. “It’s nothing more than reuniting with an old friend.”

“Of course.”

“I appreciate your concern,” Obi-Wan says, noticing how Anakin is saddened.

“I only care about your happiness, Master,” Anakin replies, the conversation finalized.

Obi-Wan walked back to his quarters, still overcome with memories of what feels like a past life with you. His thoughts weigh heavy as they shift to the realization that you are finally here. How much he longed for a day when you’d return home to him. Now that you were here, and he could feel your presence echoing in the halls again, he found himself disappointed. He spent years hopelessly wishing for you to come back, and the circumstances now add to the harsh realization those hopes will always be just that.

He was meditating when you arrived at his door. The tension in the air between the two of you was heavy as he watched you look around his room. You were just taking a moment to observe what he had on display, the mementos allowing you to form some kind of narrative of the life he’s led since you’d last seen him.

“I’m really happy to be back,” you say finally, your voice cutting through the weighted atmosphere. He pondered his conversation with Anakin. He was so quick to dismiss Anakin’s observation and now he feels a pull at his heart as he wishes that Anakin is correct.

“How do you like it on Alderaan?” he asks, holding his hands behind his back. Part of him genuinely wanted to hear about your mission and the specialty of your work, but it was more of a stall tactic to avoid the actual questions he was dying to ask you.

“It’s not home, but I like it fine,” you smile, looking back to him. Your heart feeling like it’s beating faster than it ever has before. The social niceties and the catching up questions were killing you inside. Your mind was scrambled and you frantically tried to find more to say. You could only think about him, and how he was finally right there in front of you. Looking at you the same way he always had.

“It’s a shame you cannot stay longer,” Obi-Wan says, his eyes looking nervously down on the floor before meeting your gaze again. “I wish we had more time… Oh, (Y/N), things ended so terribly when I last saw you. I feel heartsick thinking about it. I tried to find you the next day, give you a proper goodbye but you had already gone.”

“That was my doing,” you admit, looking down at your feet as he takes a few daring steps closer to you. “I knew if I had saw you again, I wouldn’t have been able to leave.”

“Oh darling,” he whispers softly, pulling you into his chest. His strong arms wrap around you tightly, the familiar warmth of his chest helping to calm you. You hadn’t even realized you had started crying until you felt the dampness of his tunic against your cheek. You rested your hands gently on his chest as he held you tightly, resting his chin on your head.

This feels like home, you say to yourself, the wave of anxieties and clutter in your mind vanishing at his touch. You could stay there just like that forever. Years you spent struggling with your thoughts and emotions, only ever just making them worse, and the one thing you needed was just to be with him- and it was all just so painstakingly clear.

“I’m not leaving you again,” you whisper softly.

Taglist:

@blackirisposts​

[moonbeambucky]

Hey Neighbor (Part 1)

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader Word Count: 1907 Warnings: none

Summary: You had a plan and then life came along with one of its own. With your future almost derailed you worked hard to get yourself back on track and finally everything seemed to be going right… that is, until your new neighbor moved in.

A/N: What started as an idea back in 2017 is finally here and I’m so excited!! I hope you love it as much as I do! A huge thank you to my wonderful beta Sam @buckyofthemyscira​ and to Allie @all1e23​​ who’s helped me keep my sanity while trying to write. Feedback is always appreciated!

HEY NEIGHBOR MASTERLIST

For an August evening it’s surprisingly comfortable, devoid of that awful humidity that leaves you choking on the thickness in the air. Yet it’s still warm enough to quickly melt the ice in your glass; condensation pooling on the outside, leaving a ring of water on the small stack of papers your drink is settled on.

Golden toned clouds cover the sky as the sun begins to fade, each day decreasing its presence by a few minutes before giving way to the darkness that would envelope the evening. It wasn’t a dramatic change, nor was it something most people would pay attention to, though it was something you had been accustomed to taking note of.

You looked forward to seeing the sun, feeling its heat on your skin as you stepped out of the office after a long day of work. As other people on the street rushed towards the subway you stood off to the side, letting your spirit recharge with its warm glow.

These days you seldom had time for yourself, moments when you could enjoy the nothingness, where you could stop and breathe, and take in the world around you. The murmured voices of the passersby, the hissing sound of the bus as it opens its doors, the soft strum of a guitar, the endless car horns and the sound of traffic that keeps this city alive like a beating heart.

The heat of your laptop warmed your thighs as you thumbed through a textbook. You ignored your rumbling stomach that begged you for a real dinner but you were determined to finish up this last part of your paper before you gave in to its whining demands.

You were working towards your Master’s Degree in Social Work but it had taken a lot longer than you expected, and juggling a full time job while taking part time classes made it more difficult but you were determined to achieve your dream.

You thought it would be simple when you first moved to New York; go to college, get your degree and find a job. Well, life has a funny way of doing what it wants despite the plans you imagined. Halfway through getting your undergraduate degree your living arrangements changed. Initially you were sharing an apartment with a few other students but your landlord hadn’t told you he was months into foreclosure and suddenly you found yourself scrambling to find a place to live.

The first instinct you had was to ask your current roommates if you all wanted to find something else together but one of them planned on moving in with a friend temporarily since she was about to graduate and the other wanted to live alone. You scoured the internet for another room rental but nothing looked safe or legitimate, and searching through Facebook groups for student rentals was fruitless. Nothing was available considering it was the middle of the semester, so you quickly began an apartment search.

Your definition of expensive drastically changed since moving to New York. Even simple things like food and coffee had an up charge; a small, no– large price to pay for city living, and rent was no different. You thought what you were paying to live in a small room was a lot, but as you searched for apartments your heart dropped. Even the smallest studio cost thousands a month.

There was one that caught your eye, the price was decent but still more than what you were currently paying. You attempted to work out a plan, thinking you could use some money from what little savings you had to make up the difference for the first month or two and hope your part time job would increase your hours. Things would be tight but there was a chance you could make it happen.

Your hope was crushed the next day when you went to see the apartment, a five story walk up that reeked of musty water. The cracked plaster walls were very off putting as were the suspicious black spots along the baseboards. The bathroom was much smaller than the photos, with hardly any room to even turn around in. Still you debated making this work as long as the suspected mold was taken care of until you opened the kitchen cupboards and screamed. A dark mass of large cockroaches scattered away from the light cementing your decision that you could not live here.

That night you texted your friend from home, Wanda, telling her about the horrible apartment and crying on the phone as she called to comfort you.

Wanda had been your best friend since you met in middle school. You always hoped she would join you in New York but you understood her reasons for wanting to be close to home.

“Wan, I don’t know what I’m gonna do,” you cried.

The clock was ticking and you still hadn’t found a place to live. Every day you searched through all the listings on Zillow, Apartments.com and Craigslist, and every day your anxiety increased. It seemed like there was no way to be a full time student if you wanted to live in New York.

You called your parents to let them know what was going on and asked for advice. Through many tears you had come to a painful decision, you needed to get a full time job. They offered to help with rent while you finished up this semester which you appreciated, knowing they really couldn’t afford the extra expense either. Your idea was to go to school part time, taking whatever courses you could at night or on the weekends. You were still reaching for your goal, you would just be taking a slower path.

A new listing popped up for an apartment in Chelsea that was about three times your current rent. Walking into the building your stomach was bubbling with excitement. Everything was bright and clean and the moment you stepped into the apartment you were overcome with joy; this place felt like home.

A smile spread across your face as you looked around the studio. Walking in there was a small kitchen to the right, with a slim refrigerator, small stove and just enough prep space beside the sink. Checking the cabinets you were relieved to know it was free of any insect roommates.

The bathroom was behind it, looking newly renovated while still emulating a classic vintage style of black and white tiles. The main room felt large with the window on the back wall letting in a good amount of sunlight. The cream colored walls also brightened the space against the longest wall of exposed, worn brick. The floors were a beautiful dark walnut that made everything feel warm.

You always thought love at first sight was a myth but you were proven wrong, you fell in love with this apartment immediately. You signed a lease and gave a deposit and suddenly everything seemed like it would fall into place. There was still the daunting task of finding a full time job but you felt encouraged.

Two weeks later you moved into your new apartment, and while you should have been studying for a test you were more interested in unpacking and decorating, making everything perfect. With a few nails into the drywall you hung a curtain rod above your bed, stringing fairy lights behind delicate sheer drapery that defined a cozy sleep space.

Laying back against your pillow you imagined what your apartment would look like eventually when you had the money to fill it with furniture, but for now it was perfect.

You had been on a few interviews and nearly had a job or two before they realized you wouldn’t be able to start for another six weeks. It was disappointing but you didn’t give up and that’s when you found yourself interviewing for Stark Industries.

A confident smile held strong on your face when you told the interviewer Ms. Parker you would be able to start when your semester was over. This led you both into a discussion about college as she told you about her teenage nephew who was interested in the STEM field and had begun looking into college options. Ms. Parker liked you a lot, and the job was yours as soon as you were ready for it.

You became the administrative assistant to Maria Hill, Director of Research and Development who worked closely with the senior staff. You had seen the infamous Tony Stark only once, popping his head out of the conference room as Ms. Hill and CEO Pepper Potts continued to chat.

From your desk you admired the women you aspired to be as confident as some day. Social work was a tough field, one where you needed to balance composure and empathy with assertiveness.

While working at Stark Industries you managed to take two classes per semester, fitting them in on nights and weekends. You wished you would have been able to do more but even this was burning you out quickly. You had little time to socialize but knew this would be worth it in the end.

A few years passed and had life not derailed your plan you would have had your Master’s by now, instead you had one last class to finish before you needed to complete 1200 hours of an internship. You pushed that off until the end, knowing it would take you some time to find a place that would accept you. Even though you would be working for free most places wanted you there at times that conflicted with your paying job.

As the sun began its slow descent the noise of the city increased and you had to shut your window to block out the sounds. All but one.

The soft guitar had increased in volume playing a familiar tune you heard every night. It wasn’t a song you’d ever heard before but your neighbor had played it often enough it was in your head. Instead of writing about a social worker’s role as an advocate for protecting human rights your mind drifted along with the melody.

It was a nice song but not one you wanted to hear every night and yet, every night your neighbor played like they were performing a concert instead of being considerate to the fact that they have neighbors, some of whom are trying to write a damn paper!

You haven’t seen this neighbor yet but you heard him moving into the apartment about a month ago. The paper thin walls allowed you to hear everything, from the instruments he played to the various women. Oh yes, he played them too, using a different one each night. Unfortunately you were able to tell the difference between each one by the sounds of the shrieks and moans that were burned into your mind until you decided to wear headphones to sleep.

Any attempts to continue your paper are futile and so you pack up your laptop and books and head down to the cafe a few blocks away that stays open late. It’s unfortunate that on top of the expensive rent and the cost of school you had to leave the comfort of your apartment to spend more money while occupying space in the cafe just to do your homework; all because of that selfish “Music Man” that you couldn’t wait to give a piece of your mind to.

PART 2

[etanunu]

if any of the bad kids were to be elected student council president, who do you think would be and why?

Oh man, this is one of those questions you didn’t know you were hoping/waiting for until you see it. Hope you don’t mind a long answer and thank you so much for the headcanon ask! 💕

From least likely to most:

Riz. Look I love Riz, he’s the best. But we all remember what happened the last time he tried to take on a leadership role, the rest of the Bad Kids immediately dunked on him so hard they collectively decided they were a democracy.

Fabian. Could he get the nomination? Probably. Would he win? Absolutely not. No matter how “cool” Fabian pretends or says he is we all know he’s a disaster when it comes to social interactions. Season 1 is proof of that but Boys Night reminded us that none of the boys are capable of getting any cool points outside of adventuring.

Kristen. I see this going one of two ways. 1) Kristen gets nominated and is super enthusiastic but loses because she starts questioning things so much she talks everyone including herself out of it. 2) Kristen rocks the vote, wins by a landslide, but steps down after realizing she’d much rather prioritize her relationships or the new church of Cassandra. But she goes down in a blaze of glory.

Fig. There’s no doubt in my mind that if Fig wanted to win she would win but on a platform based entirely around disrupting all school policies and turning the whole system upside down. Anarchy, baby! Hell even Aguefort is backing her election, seen gleefully clapping and cheering on the sidelines as Fig makes the most hardcore speeches ever and burns a pentagram into the cafeteria tables, floor, and walls when she goes full archdevil persuasion on Aguefort Academy. Everything goes well for her until she takes it just a bit too far, even for her, and Aguefort calls the whole thing.

Adaine. She could, would, and might become class president at some point. It feels very in character especially now that Adaine has overcome a lot of her anxieties. However, it would be a background thing that hardly comes up just like the AV Club.

Gorgug. Listen, listen, I know I said that Boys Night was proof none of the boys have cool points and yes Gorgug is still the kid who stole backpacks but, BUT he has Fig and the rest of the Bad Kids. If Gorgug was nominated or, even better, if he decided to run don’t tell me his friends wouldn’t do everything to help him win. Fig would be his campaign manager. Riz would investigate public opinion and dig up dirt on Gorgug’s opponents (under contract with Fig). Kristen would campaign so hard, and she and Fig would try to coach Gorgug like they did when he first asked out Zelda. Fabian would hype Gorgug up like crazy and have it as a given that the entire Bloodrush Team is voting for his boy. He might get a little aggressive with people who say they’re voting for someone else. Adaine would do everything she could to help while being calm and respectful to what Gorgug wants and is saying. She’s the one usually reigning Fig’s overzealous antics in. My point is if there’s even a tiny chance Gorgug could become class president he would do it. After all, he’s the greatest wizard of this age.

Thank you again for this headcanon ask it was a blast to answer!

[petri808]

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 | 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 | 31 | 32 | 33-Epilogue

— I just wanna say thank you so much to everyone who followed along, your comments and suggestions along the way really helped to bring this story to life! It’s my longest fic to date, and to think it started as a one-shot for nalu day 2020 lol. YOU GUYS HELPED MAKE THIS HAPPEN! 🥳🥰🥰 ILY YOU ALL!💜💜💜💜

@mcornilliac special shout out for you help with the toughest part 😘

Even after all these years, riding on a train still brought a small flutter to Lucy’s stomach as she remembered the long ago evening when she’d met her husband. From an innocent meeting to a death defying experience, talk about a roller coaster ride. And yet, if she had to do it all over again, Lucy wouldn’t change a thing. Crazy sounding yes, for why would anyone not want to avoid what she’d gone through? Touka had truly pushed her sanity to the breaking point, but well, the therapist was right in the end and Lucy felt almost invincible now. All that pain, all the struggle she’d pushed through had made her the strong and resilient woman she was today. Happily married to Natsu with their fraternal twins Nashi and Ryuu. Mrs. Natsu Dragneel, Lucy smiled to herself, there was no way she’d change a thing.

Of course, it hadn’t been easy. After Natsu proposed and Lucy had accepted, there were still a lot of work to be done. But that measure of acceptance and affection did wonders. Any worries she’d had that he wouldn’t want a broken woman melted away and gave her the confidence to get better. With each passing therapy session, her strength grew, and by the time they graduated college, Lucy could honestly say she’d been cured to a functional degree. No longer struggling through nightmares and panic attacks, her anxieties were under control and the debilitating depression a distant memory where it belonged.

Yeah... Lucy sighed happily as she watched the landscape pass by from her train seat. Meeting Natsu was the best thing to ever happen in her life, well, aside from the kids. They’d married about a year after graduation on the anniversary of their meeting. It was a beautiful affair at an indoor venue, with close friends and family to join them. They’d gone a more modern route for the ceremony but did take pictures at a garden dressed in the traditional attire for sentimental reasons. Lucy wore the shiromuku white kimono while Natsu a montsuki haori hakama. And no, it wasn’t train themed! Levy was the Maid of Honor and Gray was the best man. By then, Levy and Gajeel were also married and Gray in a serious relationship with a girl named Juvia Lockser. Lucy was so happy for them both. All of their lives were moving in the right direction.

Everything was perfect. Great jobs in their fields of interest, lives settled into a comfortable routine, when 5 years later Lucy was pregnant with fraternal twins. It was a total surprise since twins didn’t run in either of their families. Always the jovial optimist, Natsu joked that they’d been doubly blessed because of what they’d gone through, and Lucy couldn’t help but love such a concept. Of course, once the euphoria of the motherhood prospect waned, reality set in that she was having twins! Two! Double the babies meant double of everything, from the pregnancy concerns to raising them. Growing up without a mother and as an only child, Lucy didn’t have a lot of experience with small children. But Natsu patiently assured her, that she’d do just fine. Think of it as a new challenge, and after overcoming one pretty tough situation, this would be a walk in the park. On the bright side, Levy was also pregnant with the couple’s first child so the two best friend’s kids would grow up together.

And Natsu was right, there were a few bumps in the road but nothing too difficult. During her fourth month Lucy was diagnosed with gestational diabetes as well as some minor gastrointestinal issues, so Natsu swayed the doctor to put her on bed rest. Better safe than sorry. The babies were healthy, but by the 7th month, she really couldn’t move much, and she was miserable being stuck at home all the time. Lucy missed her job because she genuinely enjoyed working for the magazine. But in the end, it had been a good thing. She could manage her health easier that way and it gave her time to do something she’d thought about doing as part of the healing process. With Natsu’s support and permission, it was time to put her writing skills to good use and write a book about their experience.

It became an instant hit, especially with female readers. The book was not only an autobiographical reflection of what had happened to them but focused on shining a light on the dangers of stalkers, as well as the importance of taking the warning signs seriously. Lucy didn’t hold back in her re-telling, even pointing out the serious flaws in Japan’s laws in protecting citizens from stalkers which at the time were nonexistent. Feminist organizations working to change those laws used her story with permission for their cause. She had no intentions of becoming a poster child for the movement, but in the end her role may have played its part, because 2 years after the publishing, Japan finally adopted anti-stalking laws making it easier for police to string together harassment cases, as well as for victims to get the help they needed.

Her life was nothing but exciting to say the least! And with two young children, now age 10 certainly kept them on their toes. Their daughter Nashi was just like Natsu, very outgoing, friendly, but a bit of a daredevil while her brother Ryuu born 4 minutes after her was the quieter of the two. He preferred books like his mother to adventure. Of course, that never stopped Nashi from dragging him into shenanigans! But the best part was how close they still were and fiercely protective of each other. Lucy and Natsu couldn’t be prouder of them and hoped this would continue throughout their lifetimes.

Fifteen years... come to think of it, their wedding anniversary was coming up shortly. With Natsu now a senior fire inspector for the Tokyo prefectural government, he was often busy. Lucy did mind it, because frankly it gave her some peace and quiet. She chuckled at the thought. Not that it was all that peaceful with the twins. But she digressed. His success meant their lives were very comfortable, and her own journalism successes while not as financially based, were still celebrated in their relationship. Natsu never waned in being the dutiful and supportive, always loving husband that Lucy felt blessed to grow old with.

‘Two more stops, pick up the kids from school, stop at the grocery store for dinner...’ Lucy tapped out on her phone a to-do list of ingredients to pick up at the store. Perhaps katsudon... ‘Mmm, or maybe nabe,’ hot-pot soup since it was expected to be a bit chilly that evening.

Lucy looked up briefly, really just spacing out in thought when someone catches her eye. At the other end of the train car, she noticed a woman facing slightly away, but enough to where she couldn’t quite see a face. It couldn’t be... Lucy looked away not wanting to stare, but somehow... for some reason the woman was awfully familiar... looking exactly like Touka. Well, not exactly, but enough to make the hair on the back of her neck stand up. It was a blonde, with a different hair style— and that could always be changed. Similar body type, the facial side-profile features that Lucy could see resembled Touka...

Now despite being better, her anxieties still bubbled up from time to time, so she immediately switched to her coping techniques to calm them down. ‘You’re fine,’ Lucy talked herself through it, ‘no point in getting riled up.’ The woman hadn’t done so much as looked in her direction, so it must be okay. Contrary to popular belief, things like depression and anxiety never fully goes away, especially when someone has experienced a severe level of it. Those emotions and irrational thoughts are forever programmed into the brain, but there are ways to keep them at bay and Lucy’s successfully done just that for 15 years.

‘Just go back to what you were doing. Katsudon or nabe? And don’t forget you need to pick up milk...’ But, fifteen years... could Touka have been released by now? Lucy shook the thought away again. ‘Stop it! Everything is fine. It’s not her!’ The train was semi-full of passengers all minding their own business... including the woman. There was no reason to start panicking now. Lucy adjusts her position on her seat away from the woman’s direction. If she couldn’t see her, she could pretend she didn’t exist. ‘Maybe I should pick up ingredients for both, that way I don’t have to shop tomorrow.’ Lucy thought to herself, and with the kids with her, they could help in carrying the shopping bags. ‘Yeah, we’ve got a plan…’

After figuring out her shopping list, Lucy pulled up social media to keep herself distracted and for a few minutes it did the trick. Silly videos of entertainers never got old. The train reached the next stop and she felt it come to a stop. Since it wasn’t hers, she didn’t pay it any mind as she scrolled through her feed. But as the disembarking passengers funnel past Lucy, her eyes pick up on a pair of pink high-heels peeking from over the edge of her phone. Her body instantly stiffened up from the similarity to the ones worn by the woman, while her curiosity slowly got the better of her. ‘Breath, act nonchalant!’ Lucy’s eyes tracked the high-heels moving past her until they left her periphery. She then slowly sat back up, pretending to readjust her position, when she caught a pair of eyes looking back. Lucy’s breathing hitches with a shaky exhale. “Oh, my god—"

Standing at the doorway with one hand on the frame, the blonde woman smiled at Lucy then winked before stepping off the train.

It was Touka!

[engekihaikyuu]

Hyper Projection Engeki Haikyuu – The Battle of the Trash Heap

What’s In Tokyo Interview Translation  With Daigo Kotarou, Akana Ryuunosuke, Nagata Takato, and Kondou Shouri

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To begin, I’d like to ask you about your impressions of one another during your first meeting. Daigo: When was our first meeting? Takato: It was when we went to visit rehearsals for “Fly High” in 2019. But all we did then were casual greetings, so our first proper chance to talk was during an interview after that.

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Full interview and more photos under the Read More! Please do not repost my translations

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Daigo: That’s right! During that interview, Takato-kun treated me like an equal even though I’m younger, and so my first impression was, “What a nice person.” For Shouri-kun, I thought, “He's like a very mischievous older brother.”

Akana: They didn’t just come to visit rehearsals, they came to see our tour too. I remember thinking how much the both of them must love Engeki Haikyuu, and I felt how precious it was to them, so I was really happy. Now that rehearsals have started for this, I feel like we’ve become able to talk about all sorts of things, but Takato-kun feels especially like a rival. He’ll give me a lot of suggestions like, “Wouldn’t it be better for Kageyama to move like this?” “If you move like this, I feel like it would better show the relationship between you two.” Shouri-kun... gives off a vibe of, “Follow me!” so he’s this senpai overflowing with chivalry.   Shouri: Eh?! I don’t really think of myself that way though. (laughs) Daigo: No, Shouri-kun is... chivalrous... or manly! (laughs) Akana: For sure. He’s the sort of person that lifts everyone’s morale just by being there.  

And by contrast, Nagata-san, Kondou-san, what were your impressions of these two? Takato: To be frank, at the very very beginning, there was a part of me that couldn’t honestly accept them. Or I didn’t want to. We spent so much time with the first cast, and I felt like it was such a different Engeki Haikyuu... (bitter smile) Now I don’t feel that way at all, and when I looked into Kota’s (Daigo Kotarou) eyes at rehearsals while he was performing, I felt that he was the real deal. And from that moment on, I just lost my entire complex about the current Karasuno cast. Honestly, I had goosebumps in that moment!   Shouri: Hm? Exactly how much did you get goosebumps? All the way down to your butt? (laughs)   Takato: Why do you always say things like that?! (laughs) Everyone: (laughs)

(laughs) And Kondou-san? Shouri: They’re really straightforward people. Before rehearsals, it felt like they were just expecting us with this attitude of, “What you got, Nekoma?! We’re the main characters here!”   Daigo: You probably thought we were a bunch of really cheeky kids. (laughs) Shouri: They were all so upfront, that we somehow felt like we were let-downs. They said to us, smiling, “Let’s all do our best as a company!” The Karasuno cast before us now are all a noisy bunch, but they’ve come together as one cohesive Karasuno for this, and I feel like they’ve really come into their own.  

It’s been about a year since Nekoma’s last appearance in Engeki Haikyuu. Shouri: It’s already been a year and a half since “The Tokyo Battle!” It almost feels like it was just the other day.   Takato: Whenever Shouri has time, he watches the “Tokyo Battle” DVD and cries. Isn't it crazy that he cries for a show that he appears in? (laughs) Shouri: Even when I read the script for this play, it felt like it was playing in front of me and I cried.  

What does it feel like to have the full force of Nekoma back together again at rehearsals?   Shouri: It’s so heartening! We have a comeback for Nakamura Tarou, who plays Inuoka Sou, and we have our new Haiba Lev, played by Tahori Leo, so in the world of people who are 11.5 heads* tall, we’ve got the most stylish newbies. (laughs) And we finally have our high respected Coach Nekomata Yasufumi played by Ohtaka Hiroo-san, so Nekoma’s gotten even stronger and I’m really excited.   Takato: It’s the best! I’m so happy that we get to make a production together with these incredible, irreplaceable people that I’m sure I can somehow overcome our daily muscle pain and soreness.  

*T/N: An average person is 7.5 heads tall proportionally; Shouri is probably making a Captain Tsubasa reference, who was drawn proportionally 11 heads tall and became a meme.

In a previous interview, you had said that the Engeki Haikyuu muscle pain means that things have really kicked off.   Takato: I had muscle pain immediately after we started rehearsals this time. At this point, it’s just my age. (wry smile) Shouri: But I think the level of intensity has gone up since we first started back in 2016 with “Karasuno Revival.” It’s absolutely more difficult than those rehearsals, I think. I mean, these two young ‘uns are probably just fine though.   Daigo: No no, we feel it too. That’s why after rehearsals, I’m always doing a lot of aftercare.  

What’s the atmosphere like at rehearsals when it’s that difficult? Daigo: Well this is our third production now for Karasuno, so we prep our physiques to endure these rehearsals, and then we proceed pretty smoothly. Because if you slack off even just a little bit, accidents happen, so we’re always talking about how to brace and focus so that nobody gets hurt. It’s a great atmosphere and always such a lively place.   Akana: When I look at the Nekoma cast, I feel such a sense of unity from them, even when we’re not acting. It makes me wonder if Karasuno’s doing enough, so I want to follow their example.   Takato: For example, how? Akana: Like how organized you are, like this person teaches everyone the dance, that person does the count, how some people just naturally pull others along. When you think, “Well let’s talk about this all together” regarding the play, you gather together so quickly... there’s just a lot that I’ve learned watching your team dynamic. We’re pretty settled as a team too, but it sort of feels more planned. When I look at everyone Nekoma, it feels like every person is more balanced and could be the center of the team. I wonder if that’s just a difference in experience.   Daigo: I thought the same thing. That’s why I was thinking that we have to talk things out with everyone on Karasuno all together at least once. From now on we’re going to brush up on that and keep improving!  

This year, due to the novel coronavirus pandemic, the Strongest Challengers tour was unfortunately cut short after 4 performances. Following that, how did you feel, and how did you spend your day-to-day? Daigo: Of course I was sad that we had to cut off the tour and not perform all that we had scheduled, but nothing is for certain, and it wasn’t just us. Around the world, everyone was having a difficult time, and there was also just a sense of, well this just can't be helped. During lockdown, I did have some anxiety as to whether or not I’d ever be able to work for the rest of my life, but I was so encouraged by the support of all these people who love theater. And now thanks to everyone on the staff who clean and disinfect our rehearsals everyday, and thanks to all the people who continue to support us, we can make a new production and go to rehearsals again, so right now I just feel nothing but gratitude.

Akana: We had to cancel all of our live events for VOYZ BOY, the group I’m in, and I was really depressed and anxious about not doing anything, so I started cooking everyday and streamed that.  

You streamed on Instagram, “Akana Cooks.”   Akana: Oh did you watch? Thank you. I get depressed when I don’t get to do anything, so I did a lot of cooking and training at home. Since I wasn’t going out in public, at one point I looked in the mirror and I was shocked because I was starting to look so uncool. So everyday I wanted to at least be able to look in the mirror and say I looked good.   Shouri: Wait, you think about how cool you are while looking in the mirror?! That’s incredible. (laughs) Everyone: (laughs) Daigo: But you did that and took the initiative to start streaming, and you stayed active, and that’s the important thing.  

And if the fans are able to see your face, they also feel relieved knowing that you’re doing okay. Akana: I was aware of that, so I was updating my social media everyday.   Takato: I was also thinking that I might get fat if I wasn’t going out, so I was trying to be careful about my meals, but I kept eating things that basically had no calories and then I just got skinnier and skinnier instead. (wry smile) But recently I’ve gotten my body weight back to where it was.  

Did you watch a lot of movies or dramas while spending time at home? Takato: Everyday I was watching about 3-4 things. That’s about all I did that was fun. I was also able to think about a lot of things, and thought it would be good if I could take the knowledge I accumulated in that time and put it to use the next time I was able to work.  

Kondou-san, did you spend the time doing anything new? Shouri: Mmm......... Daigo & Akana: I’m expecting him to say something really funny. (laughs) Shouri: What was I doing... I was eating. Takato: What kind of answer is that?! (laughs)

Kondou-san, you were also doing insta-lives, weren’t you? Shouri: Oh yeah. I tried a “I’m going to make Tiramisu!” video and failed really hard... Everyone: (explosive laughter)

The fan comments were pretty lively for that one. (laughs) The merengue wasn’t foaming at all, but you kept trying to force other ingredients in, so there was a flood of comments screaming, “NOT YET!” (laughs) Shouri: About an hour before that stream, I’d managed to make a really yummy cheesecake, so I thought I’d challenge myself. I was thinking, “I have a good sense for this, maybe I can be a pâtissier,” but then that one was just a complete loss. But for a moment I had thought, “Maybe I’ll become a YouTuber.” (laughs) Takato: Ahahha! Why do you immediately jump to that?! (laughs) Shouri: Well I don’t have any specialties to bring to this work like singing or dancing. So I sort of thought I needed to develop a new skill and I thought about it a lot... I wanted to learn something new, so I was even thinking about starting ballpoint pen calligraphy.   Takato: Hm? Does that have anything to do with work? Shouri: Well, once I realized it wouldn’t, I just watched an old drama and cried by myself.   Everyone: (explosive laughter)

Well we’re all worked up now, but we’ve reached the end of our time, so lastly if you could all give a message to highlight this play. Takato: I’m confident that we’re going to make this the most fun play out of all ten in the Engeki Haikyuu series, so please come to see us!   Shouri: There are going to be a lot of scenes that are going to make fans of the manga go, “Ah, it’s that scene!” It’s going to be something that longtime fans of Engeki Haikyuu will really enjoy. But even for people who will be seeing Engeki Haikyuu for the first time, as a stand-alone production, they’ll be able to enjoy themselves plenty. For me right now, “The Tokyo Battle” production is the one that’s etched into my mind as the best, but we’re going to go beyond that and make it so that we’ll wrap up our final show feeling like “The Battle of the Trash Heap” is the absolute best. We’re going to tackle this with everything we’ve got, so please look forward to it.  

And then once the “Battle of the Trash Heap” DVD is out, you’ll watch it and cry. (laughs) Takato: I mean in the scene where he’s crying, he’s the only one crying, isn’t it a bit creepy? Shouri: No no! I’m not just crying because I see myself crying on-screen, it’s because I start remembering my emotions from that time and then I start crying! Daigo: I sort of understand that feeling. Shouri: In “The Tokyo Battle,” it was a scene where I said that I definitely wouldn’t cry, but then I saw Noah (who played Lev) get teary-eyed, and then I started crying. I was really planning on pushing through it, but then I saw the DVD and I was really crying a lot, so I’m super embarrassed. (laughs) Takato: Because everyone calls that scene the “Shouri cries scene.” Because Shouri’s tears just wash everything away. (laughs)   Everyone: (laughs)

And moving on, Akana-san, if you would. Akana: The Battle of the Trash Heap is the most popular match of the series, so we’re all worked up more than usual. We definitely want to make something that surpasses everyone’s expectations, so please look forward to it. It’s precisely because we’re so frustrated that the previous tour, “The Strongest Challengers” ended after 4 performances that we’re going to make sure this production makes it safely to the last show. Everyone in the company is going to do our best to that end!  

And lastly, Daigo-san, if you would.   Daigo: First I would say that a highlight of this play is going to be its freshness. We can’t let down our guard in the current situation, but it’s because we had this time where we couldn’t perform that everyone on the cast is so grateful that we’re able to return to rehearsals and face opening night. We’re approaching this play sincerely and with renewed spirit, and I can just feel it in my skin. Everyone has been waiting to be able to just simply enjoy working on a play, so I think it’s going to be an exciting production with a lot of emotions mixed in. I’m personally very excited. Please look forward to it and come to see us at the theater!  

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You can read the original Japanese interview here: (x)

Please do not repost my translations!  This includes screenshots of bits and pieces taken out of context, especially if they don’t link back to this full post. If you appreciate the work I do for this blog and want to support my translation efforts please consider donating a ko-fi! (x)