#over the course of 2 years
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Odysseus with his head in his wife's lap, happily not paying attention to anything, humming one of athenas song and carving something
Some random guy: your majesty----
Odysseus: not bothering to sit up: whatever my wife decided is fine.
#the odyssey#epic the musical#Odysseus#Penelope#Odypen#Post-canon my beloved#Odysseus tried to hold court exactly one time before he 1. Realized he's very out of date with everything and#2. Remembered that these meetings sucked so much#Odysseus then quickly climbed into his wife's lap and was like penelopes been ruling for 20 years she's got this#The first time someone tried to insist that it wasn't acceptable for penelope to answer ody nearly killed the guy#Nobody tried to force the issue after that#The only time odysseus sits up to contribute is to be like 'no no we can take that route now I killed the monster that lived there years ag#This is not to say he isn't listening and paying attention! He is! He's just scoping everybody's out#Noticing who's more pushy when they're trying to deal with penelope than they are with him#He's got twenty years of politics to catch up on! And he's going to be sneaky about it#Odysseus post return gaining a reputation for being uninvolved and uncaring only to pull the rug out from underneither the other person#Penelope is a okay with this for many many reasons#First off her system is one of beauty and the fact that her husband didn't spend all her hard work to take back over the second he came bac#Is rare and penelope is grateful everyday for who she married#Second she gets to show off look at how well she did odysseus look at how clever she is ody ody watch as I scam these people isn't that hot#(It is and yes of course odysseus was watching)#Penelope enjoying how odysseus lays out over her like a lazy lion#It scratches her possessive side to show him off like this and she gets to play with his hair#Telemachus attending some of these meetings to learn (tm) and spending the whole time deeply embarrassed#Odypen being 🥰🤝 rat bastards in love
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I love how neferiously hugh laurie delivered his lines in that 5x1 scene where house is blackmailing wilson. because the dialogue could’ve been conveyed in a manner that was obviously facetious and unserious (like the way RSL was playing the scene: “You’d jeopardise a patient—? 😒🙄) but he literally chose to go “If it keeps you here😈👹” in the most deadass, diabolical tone. so the result is that we have house sounding like a genuine psychopath as he threatens to let a woman die and then wilson proving he’s an even BIGGER one by responding with, like, mild exasperation at best. 10/10 dynamic no notes
#I know I yap about this 24/7 but I can��t get over it#I feel like the actors being on such wildly different wavelengths when it comes to hilson is what makes it so REAL#barring the true angst of the early seasons#they’re in different genres altogether sometimes. chef’s kiss#house will say something in a way that is honest to god giving dark romance#and then wilson responds with the air of bugs bunny#and that’s the essence of their characters and relationship as a whole#and probably why they’ve been trapped in a game of gay chicken for 20 years#house md#hilson#house/wilson#greg house#gregory house#james wilson#hatecrimes md#does this make grammatical sense? I am running on redbull adderall and 2 hours of sleep so I truly have no clue#and by grammatical sense I mean tumblr-wise of course#is it coherent? should be the question#actually don’t tell me. ion wanna know
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#fallout#fnv#fallout new vegas#fallout shitpost#fallout: new vegas#fallout amazon#fallout tv show#fallout show#fallout 2#fallout 3#fallout 4#todd howard#fuck this guy#it's been OVER 200 YEARS#OF COURSE THEY WOULD REBUILD#the retcons are CRAZY
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i lied, i don't want bail organa in andor season 2 because he's a great character and could be an amazing resource to the plot and story develpment, i want him and breha there because i want to see them dress in beautiful and fancy clothes
#i mean kenobi design was amazing. two years later and i'm still loving breha's white gown#but I can't deny andor production designs are better (mostly bc is one of sw series higgest budgets and of course that makes differences)#Mon Mothma's gowns are so beautifully craft and looks like high costure. idk if that's the right term sorry#anyways. i'm just fangirling over costume design. It's so prettyyy#star wars#bail organa#breha organa#obi wan kenobi#kenobi#kenobi series#mon mothma#star wars andor#andor#andor series#andor season 2#costume design#alderaan#chandrila
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Low chaos/clean hands Corvo has such a vibe to him as a character especially Dishonored 1 Corvo like he goes through so much shit and just wants his daughter back and everyone is like "he's too dangerous to let live" meanwhile he hasn't killed anyone, he's just befriending rats and maybe eating some of them and just trying to get through each day without losing his mind. He's basically just a criptid who's constantly in the wrong place at the wrong time and covered in sewer water.
#Dishonored#Corvo attano#Random#I'm pretty sure that's what the outsider likes about him#I'm starting to want to replay Dishonored again lol it always comes back around eventually#Dishonored 2 Corvo is a bit less feral but that's just because he learned how to mask really well over the course of 15 years
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jonawagons marcianitos 🌌🛸💕
(og base/reference by @/lilalienz4ever on twt!!)
#speaking of: rubberband lazer was probably what gave me the extra push i needed to make this piece a couple weeks back#the timing was just perfect so i really HAD to make this lol#worth to mention it's also my most popular art piece so far!#reached over 1K likes and over 100 rts on twt in less than 2 days whaaaaaaat#it's just.. wow#lit my most popular piece was that of speedwagon sitting on jonathan's lap which barely passed the 100 likes on twt#and some old pic i made of jona and speebs making out on jona's desk that gathered 320-ish notes over the course of like 5 years here#my art flops a lot on here these days since just a handful of peeps share stuff anymore but lets see how well these little guys do here#also to everyone who always rb my stuff moots or not: i love you all and i hope you're doing great!! wishing you all the best things ever 💖#jjba#jonathan joestar#speedwagon#robert eo speedwagon#jonawagon#jonaspeed#speedjona#speedstar#speedguapo#jojo#jojo no kimyou na bouken#jojo's bizarre adventure#phantom blood#ジョジョ#ジョナスピ#スピジョナ#スピードワゴン#ジョナサン・ジョースター#basurito
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Wait did both Alice and Zane record Alan when he was at his lowest point? Didn't Alice make her exhibition to show the world what she sees? To show Alan the truth about himself? That it never was Scratch visiting and terrorizing her, but Alan himself? Did she depict his "self" and Zane depicted his "persona"? The two sides of him that he wishes he can eliminate bc they brought him into trouble (Scratch representing anger and the fallouts with paparazzi and stuff, Zane representing his self-destructive behavior with alcohol and drugs and the party nights)? The both sides that caused his marriage to start falling apart? Was that the reason Zane made that video of Alan when they were on that booze and drug-fueled bender while working on the Return manuscript? Is this party video the companion piece?? Alan's downward spiral, same as Alice's photos? Do they fucking work together aasdffjfjfkfk
#Can this game please stop messing with my head??#I mean we don't know how many years passed since Alice went to the dark place#She could have met Zane long ago. Over Zane's similar appearance to Alan they both have a connection to him#So they talk about him. They understand that they must help Alan to ascend the spiral bc he's too far gone to do it himself#Or Alan wrote them in their story as a plot decide bc he understood at one point that he must confront his lesser pleasant parts#In order to become “whole”#And he seems to deliberately ignore how close his marriage is to fail. Her POV is so different from his. Of course she mourns him#Bc she never stopped loving him. Although he did the things he did. That's simply not how love works.#Alan is a good man although he makes selfish and terrible decisions and has a questionable morale at times. Bc he thinks he can do it right.#Bc he thinks he can correct his mistakes later. That's how he's always been. He thinks a flower bouquet and chocolate and a bottle of wine#Is all he needs to give to Alice and she will forgive him. He was incapable to acknowledge his shortcomings but he tries!! In his own way!#And alice sees it. And she has accepted it's for the longest time. Alan is emotionally constipated except for his anger.#Guy needs to do some serious self reflection#alan wake 2#Alan wake theory#Alan wake 2 theory#Alan wake 2 meta#Alan Wake#Alice Wake#Thomas Zane#Tom Zane#Sorry for the endless fucking notes 🙏
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Roy family vacation 1999
#succession#shiv roy#roman roy#kendall roy#child abuse#child abuse tw#I just finished season 2 and of course the thing I obsess over the most is the fact that they've been abused for 40 fucking years MAN..CMON#they're shitheads though do not mistake this for woobifying#nuggarts#edit: just in case anyone cares I really really roughly estimated the year and their ages but they’re about 11 13 and 19 here
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agent 24…
#drawing tag#splatoon#splatoon 2#agent 8#agent 3#captain 3#splatoon fanart#splatoon 2 fanart#splatoon octo expansion#octo expansion#agent 24#still learning how to draw inklings and octolings#even tho ive drawn them sometimes over the course of like 3 years lol#also i fucked up the colors and already merged the layers😭
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I FINALLY FINISHED MY BOREDOM PROJECT!! Featuring Ol' uncle Bingo and 2 Scarlet/Violet OCs! Laias mine and Savannah belongs to bestie @mi-spark
Twas fun to do and my finish lines are fairly different than my sketch lines, Ingo didnt even have his other eye! Verrrrry proud how they all turned out, especially Ingo due to how many lil' details he has when lining in pen XD
I now have made 5 cards no one else in the world have and that makes me do a lil happy dance djthfjjdbrjdd. Akikos my Legends OC who I love very dearly despite never talking about her lol XD
Finally, the cleaned lines vs. their sketches I used my "light table" to transfer over!
(My light table was an empty picture frame with the back out and a flashlight under it, it worked XD)
And because I thought it looked cool before continuing on, have this half coloured Ingo! Emmet and Ingo ain't identical twins for nothing!
#man with my girlie Akiko and Laventon next to these 3 you can tell I improved over the course of like what? A year or 2? Wack XD#been a bit since i used pencil crayons but I got the hang of them near the end. Went Laia Savannah and then Ingo in the colouring process#need to make more pokemon OCs to make more cards for myself lol XD#pokemon#pokemon legends arceus#arceus#legends arceus#pla#legends of arceus#submas#ingo#warden ingo#professor laventon#pokemon scarlet and violet#pokemon scvi#pokemon oc#mi-spark#smashwolfen#smish pokemon#laia#savannah#Akiko#subway boss ingo#pokemon tcg
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Do psychotropic drugs and/or ritual play a role in any of the blightseed cultures? A pretty broad question, lol
Yeah that’s a very broad question, the answer is about as much as it tends to play roles in real history. Alcohol is pretty ubiquitous (outside of cultures that abstain from intoxicants) and used for a variety of purposes, opioids are commonly used in some parts for pain relief or recreational purposes, stimulants (usually in mild, natural forms) are used to provide extra energy, and hallucinogens are most commonly used as part of a larger religious framework (rather than for recreational purposes). Any more elaborate answer kinda has to be case by case in a certain culture or part of the setting.
I'll just take this as an opportunity to talk about the one established sect that pretty much REVOLVES around psychoactive use. This is the Scholarly Order of the Root, which is a sort of mystery religion + elite community of scholars who currently occupy the Ur-Tree and its forest in the far southern Lowlands (southeast of Imperial Wardin, on the same land mass).
The Ur-Tree is the obligatory Huge Fucking Fantasy Tree (and its surrounding forest). It’s a mass of vegetation about a mile tall and almost as old as Plant Life Itself, its upper branches are primeval plants, which become more modern the nearer they get to the ground (and each 'level' holds tiny ecosystems, some containing descendants of LONG-extinct arthropods/other small animals). Its lowest branches and the surrounding forest are contemporary plant life, and all is connected and protected by an incomparably MASSIVE fungal mycelium network (which is itself a living god).
A lot of the Scholars' more secretive practices revolve around experimentation with substance use with the goal of expanding the Mind and transcending the body to fully connect to the Dreamlands, and they have a supply chain of traders and mercenaries called Rootrunners who traffic substances into the Lowlands. Most of their psychoactive use is in a very intentional capacity and not just like, for fun, but a LOT of them are just straight up addicted to cocaine (in the form of alchemically refined bruljenum, which is used for practical purposes of its stimulant effect during long hours of work).
All known psychoactives are desirable for experimentation (particularly hallucinogens), with each having properties that either allow expansion of the Mind, transcendence of the body, or outright divine communion. Their effects are logged in great detail and interpreted to form the basis of the Scholars' understanding of the natural world and reality itself.
The most important substance is Ur-Root, which is root matter from subterranean levels of the Ur-Tree that have both their own intrinsic psychoactive substances and a very, very high concentration of living god mycelium. The tree root contains DMT and the mycelium has its own wholly unique effects (being an actual living god). They alchemically refine it into a purer, more potent form, and use it to expand beyond the body and directly commune with the Giants, a group of entities they have identified as the only true gods.
An Ur-Root trip starts off with minor visual distortion, which turns into shifting fractals that slowly obscure the vision. Eventually the senses are entirely taken over by a 'tunnel' of rapidly shifting fractals and geometries. In a complete trip, the experiencer gets a sense that they have been pushed through a membrane and entered another realm, finding themselves in a distinct experiential Space.
At this point they may encounter entities which communicate to them in a language impossible to describe but wholly understood. These beings are understood to be the Giants, or at least aspects of the Giants that mortals are capable of comprehending (they often take familiar tutelary forms of the Mantis or the Snake, or appear resembling the same type of sophont that the experiencer is, all composed of ever-shifting geometries). The experiencer often feels a sense of unconditional and endless love from these beings, though the Giants may be more hostile and may appear in the form of the Trickster (usually a cultural figure regarded as malicious, be it an animal or otherwise) in a bad trip.
(^Up until this point, this has mostly just been a DMT 'breakthrough' experience ft. 'machine elves' and the like).
They are then removed from this space and returned to something that feels like the real world, but is nearly unrecognizable. They have a sense of rapidly moving through time, and will usually see 'the spires' towards the beginning, which just so happen to look like this:
(source + some context via Implication- the spires are exactly what this art is depicting)
The experiencer continues to move across an unfathomable amount of time, occasionally 'seeing' other such flashes of unfamiliar landscapes and creatures, and yet also being devoid of all their senses, the 'seeing' is pure, unfiltered experience. There is a sense of interconnectedness with all life, and that one has become the forest (or even Life) itself. The sense of time is wildly distorted, the trip lasts only about 5 minutes but feels like an eternity and is understood as literal hundreds of millions of years.
The experiencer has usually lost any remaining sense of Self and individual consciousness during this phase (in which case this time distortion is usually a neutral or even peaceful experience), but some retain a fraction of their identity, and find themselves trapped and conscious while experiencing what feels like eternity (which can be LIFE-CHANGINGLY distressing, even after the fact).
(^This latter part of the trip is the effects of the Ur-Tree fungus).
The trip ends with a sense of rushing through the ground and back up into one's body, at which point they will abruptly return to their senses and consciousness. The details are then immediately retrieved via interview and recorded in immense detail. The whole experience is understood as having been full comprehension of the Dreamlands, communion with the Giants, and then a tour through the act of creation.
This is done as part of the initiatory practice into the inner mystery-religion of the scholars, and as needed for study by high scholar-priests. It is not taken lightly, both as it is absolute communion with the gods and reality, and in that it can be a very, very difficult experience. People who have gone through this often walk away with a permanently shifted perspective, often in a positive and/or comforting way- a sense of interconnectedness with all life, a peace with the concept of death, seeing less of a point in individual ego and the concept of Self, and comfort in the sense of divine love they (may have) experienced. This heavily influences the philosophy of the Scholars and has had effects by proxy in the religious worldviews of the region.
Details of this experience are closely guarded, and initiates are given absolutely no prior knowledge and expectations for their trip. This is seen as a necessity- their naivety will allow for a true, unfiltered experience, and can be used to gauge whether they should or should not be accepted. Those that have a distinctly bad trip upon initiation may be assumed to have been 'rejected' by the giants and thus denied full priesthood, though this largely depends on How they interpret their distressing trip- those who identify this as a test and harsh lesson in a journey to enlightenment may be accepted (as this is how fully initiated scholar-priests interpret and handle their bad trips).
This inner priesthood is only a small fraction of the Scholarly Order, and its greater function is as a hub of education and repository of knowledge, and Scholar-trained doctors can provide some of the best medical care available in the setting ('best medical care in this setting' only means so much but it's pretty solid, relatively speaking). Only a chosen few Scholars ever get to commune with the Ur-Root, and most of the divine secrets revealed in the process are kept hidden (though they indirectly influence the politics and worldview of the entire order).
#I'm kind of fascinated by the quasi-religious beliefs that have developed around recreational hallucinogen use (ESPECIALLY DMT)#In contrast to like. Uses of DMT-containing substances like ayahuasca for long-established religious purposes#So this concept is basically 'what if a religion was FORMED from pretty much the ground up out of DMT usage'#Like the common 'entities' people encounter in recreational use being identified as the Real Gods and producing a religious worldview#that is mostly rooted in this experience (while still influenced by other cultural factors)#Also the like. Meta going on here is that the fungus is a 'living god' and the oldest one on the planet#It is a VERY rare type of living god that is 'created' by non-sophont (non-sentient even) beings and exists as a mycelial network#that perfectly supports and protects an entire forest. Basically a god for plants. It is so deeply interconnected with its forest that the#usual power sophont belief would have over it has basically zero influence. This is absolutely the closest thing to A God in canon.#(While still not being a Creator/sapient/or even supernatural within the framework of this reality. Just VERY unique.)#The Ur-Tree has always been above water and grows very very slowly over the course of millenia by kind of 'pulling up' plant life from#the ground (so you see ancient long extinct plants in its higher branches and contemporary plants close to/on the ground)#The mycelium helps shield and feed extinct plant life that could not otherwise survive in the contemporary environment#And the forest is big enough to produce its own weather (it is a rainforest and has been ever since the capacity for rainforests Existed)#It's not really a tree at all in any normal sense but an amalgam of thousands of types of plants-#Some growing on top of others and some interwoven beyond any distinction. It does form a superficially treelike structure#(mostly in order to physically support its own mass) with a very wide 'trunk' and massive 'roots' (which end in actual roots).#It feeds on its own perpetually shedding and decaying 'body' and any animal life that dies in the forest is VERY rapidly#decayed and absorbed by the mycelial network (to the point that many large scavengers cannot survive in this forest)#(If you kill a cow and leave it on the ground for just 1/2 hour you'll see little strands of mycelium already growing up around it)#The fungus fruits and spores on a very infrequent basis (scale of ten-thousands of years) which causes the forest to very slowly spread#Fortunately this isn't really an existential threat because the spread is VERY slow (even on a geological scale) and the fungus#itself is rather mundane in nature and cannot usually compete against established fungal networks in other places.#Though there are little Ur-Tree mycelium groves and woodlands in other parts of the world that may (over untold millennia)#generate their own Ur-Trees (there's already a few but they are all MUCH smaller and not readily recognized as the same thing)#WRT THE TRIP:#Most of what I'm describing is a DMT trip but consumption of high doses of Ur-Tree mycelium has both mundane psychoactive effects#and IS kind of the person experiencing the fungus' entire lifetime and seeing flashes of the world's actual evolutionary history.#The amount of material knowledge that can be accurately gleaned from this this is VERY limited though.
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finished my updated Solange ref!!
i have a lot of lore abt her but some general info
does not like most of the bishops ( leshy is kind of the exception ) and HATES Nari. I'm toying with the idea that Solange ends up kicking the Bishops & Nari out of her flock for her mental health ( she only kept them around bc she'd feel bad but it gets to a point where its either keep them around and have her mental health/sanity suffer even more or kick them out so she can heal )
polyam ( in my current save i married Aym, a follower named Lavender and Jalala ( not sure if the Jalala relationship will be canon though ).
Solange and Lavender ended up splitting sometime postgame on semi good terms because Solange felt heavily uncomfortable pursuing a relationship with Lavender due to her newfound god status ( and the cult leader aspect )
Solange really only accepted Lavender asking her out/the proposal in the first place is because the last time she rejected someone ( the farmer she lived with prior to her execution ) he ended up selling her out to be executed. Solange also was under the assumption Nari would make her mortal after she killed the Bishops so she was planning on convincing Lavender and her sister to leave the lands of Old Faith so maybe Solange would feel less gross about the relationship. Unfortunately that didn't pan out so Solange decided to break it off
loves and cares for her flock but didn’t really want to be a cult leader in the first place. If not for the fact she would have been killed Solange would have given Nari the crown so she could leave the lands of the old faith and try to find a place to call home.
Postgame she tries to make the cult less cultish and encourages her followers to have some free will and be self sufficient w/o her ( which does sorta work to her credit ) but deep down Solange knows it doesn't really matter as a cult is a cult no matter how hard she tries to make it not so.
on a small side note i hc she isnt the last sheep ever but definitely the last sheep in the lands of old faith and the areas close to it. Sheep are still very rare however ( especially what would be considered " purebred " sheep )
voice claim is Sam Boole from PN2 ( example here )
moral code is a bit loose. She doesn’t exactly like to sacrifice their followers ( she much prefers ascension which she primarily does for her elderly followers ) but has little to no issue with sacrificing/killing off spies along with other things.
She can hold a nasty grudge ( see: her hating Naris guts ) to the point its probably detrimental to herself
Solange also made a sort of " deal " with The Fox that while she wouldn't give him Ratau she will give him both the bodies of followers who passed away and any spies that sneak their way into her cult ( along with offering him minced follower meat meals )
wanted to be an artist or a baker when she was younger ( They technically achieved the baker part as post game she starts growing wheat and making bread/pastries for her followers )
more doodles of her + concepts for some of her followers
#the dogs name is Anyla and the fox is Lavender ( the aforementioned follower spouse )#btw the early 20s is more of an indicator of when she died#my personal canon is that the main storyline takes place over the course of around a year and a half to 2 years#and post game take place over the course of a couple years#probably a decade but idk#i have some fun stuff planned for my post post game canon/au stuff#theres gonna be new crown bearers#shittens might happen but not with narinder#in fact who nari kinda sorta ends up with will shock you ( hint its Anyla and a mystery follower i havent designed yet )#edit: changed the sash on her dress#cosmic artz#cotl#cotl lamb#cotl follower#cult of the lamb
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Miguuuuuuuuuuuuuuu
#hatsune miku#vocaloid#her bday was yesterday but i was busyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy#i was gonna say i was sleeping but i was doing work#how’s school students. im gonna have to fake my death somewhere along the line#and its only week 2!!!!!!!!!!#my schedule is a lot better this semester tho. i used to go in 5 days a week from like 8-5 Do Not Do That#DO NOT DO THAT. DO NOT DO THAT. DO NOT DO THAT HIGH SCHOOL 8-3 IS DIFFERENT THAN UNI COLLEGE 8-3#you gotta run all over campus because for some reason your language class is in the math building 10 minutes away from the liberal arts#building. and im not even in liberal arts#also if youre gonna be here suffering at least take something youll like#my classmate found out the yoga cheat one year where he has a yoga course#but it’s basically a free course cause you don’t really gotta do much#rip if you actually like yoga but no one is stopping you from doing yoga#im not sure how its actually run i just know its his 3 year taking it#and hes still getting credits fir i#for it
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in honor of the fact i filled my 3-year old sketchbook, here are some drawings of my kirby character bias over the years + dedede cameo
(i do in fact draw sometimes, i wasn’t lying. i’m just putting off writing cuz i’m lazy. will get to chap 4, i promise <3)
#meta knight#my art#kirby series#please don’t flame me this is over the course of like 2 years#gay gay homosexual gay
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Okay but consider post Canon over protective Athena who is sick to death of her most devout being raped.
Athena sticking close to the whole family and promising penelope that she'll keep a close eye on odysseus the first time he has to go into the market and penelope can't go with him. (She was going to go anyway. She's never actually going to let any of them out of her sight ever again. And it's an easy promise to her dearest weaver who seems so distressed to have odysseus leaving her side.)
Athena fully manifesting in the market when someone grabs odysseus with godly flashes of snakes and owls and the drums of war to scream /release him/ (odysseus is feeling indulgent for both his patron and his wife it's so cute that they're this worried it's not like he couldn't defend himself just fine. Especially from whatever poor fuck just grabbed him who definitely doesn't deserve a goddess screaming in his face. Hes trying so hard not to laugh if he did athena would send him flying.)
Athena telling all the other gods that yes she knows odysseus is the favorite barbie doll she choose him well after all and to back the fuck off if any of them bother him again they will have made an enemy of her.
Athena disguising odysseus only as an old beggar from here on out instead of an irresistibly tall and handsome man. Because she saw how uncomfortable nausicaa's attention made him.
#The odyssey#Odysseus#Athena#Penelope#Nausicaa#Tw: rape#Tw:rape recovery#Tw: Calypso keeping odysseus as a sex slave for seven years#Tw: forced prostitution#See what happened with circe#I know in ancient Greek stories there's a lot of serial violence in various shapes and forms#But it seems like it happens more to athenas choosen/priestess/most devot#And it feels a little bit more targeted beyond it being a horrific violation#Like it's targeted towards Athena for her choice on being chaste#Which just adds another layer of fucked upness#And I've always felt like this contributes to Athena being cold#And at some point I imagine she'd get sick of it and course correct into overprotectivness from being cold#Headcanon that penelope goes a little bit insane when odysseus gets back (you're never allowed to leave my sight ever again )#(Don't worry it's mutual odysseus is into it he also never wants to leave his wife's side ever again)#Athena: standing protectively over odysseus in full god mood and hissing#Odysseus: not that this isn't an amazing ego boost but (and I can't believe you're making me be the voice of reason ) arent you overreactin#Odysseus: I mean you were never this protective when I was an actual literal child#Odysseus: or when I was fighting in an actual literally war fighting against gods and demi gods#Athena slightly embarrassed but is not sorry she sent whoever grabbed odysseus flying : SHUT UP#Love the fact that this whole group has the time and the support of each other to actually try to heal from their many many traumas#I know I did this in a slightly joking way but healing from abuse of power and violations are so important to me#Stories about healing in general#That's my jam#Anyway not tagging this as epic because of 1. Athena and odysseus's friendship break up#And 2. The change to circes story (which i actually like a lot! But still the odyssey Canon circe was also a sa situation.)
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#ok finally making a post about meds#I've not ever tried taking medication before. I was sorta raised with that classic 'dont rely on meds you have to learn to manage without'#I mean I was also raised with the idea that therapy is stupid unless you have 'real' trauma. and also like idk.#can't stay home from school unless your temp is over 100 or you're throwing up. etc. very suck it up mindset#so I was just really nervous to start. also of course worried about losing myself or whatever I know that's a silly fear but#it's also a common fear for a reason!!! anyways#so I finally was like 'I need to do something' when I realized I was so anxious I couldnt even get myself to go outside alone#like I just don't want to do ANYTHING alone to a detrimental effect. and it was butting into my ability to do my work...#for various reasons. but then ALSO adhd has been a constant issue with my work as well!#it is SO hard to write and draw on a weekly pace like I am without being able to focus#my whole life I've had these terrible nightmares constantly and I've always woken up constantly in the night#sleep has always been terrible so I've always dreaded going to bed.. ESPECIALLy because it didnt even make me less tired#it was more something that I just did because I had to.#but going to bed was always terrible. there have been times I was too scared to go to sleep for weeks on end...#I've been mitigating this for years of course. and recently I've been taking melatonin which has been helping too.#but I've also always struggled to get up. because I've always been EXTREMELY exhausted#but also anxious of what the day might bring... idk.#anyways it has all hit a point that I was like okay. I am doing as many coping mechanisms as I can. the psych said they were good too#but... it just has never been enough. it's never been enough to make me not tired it's never been enough to make me not scared#so I finally talked to the doc about it. and she was like youve def got smth wrong basically. which yah I know.. but yknow#anyways so I started taking wellbutrin. and I am so frustrated now. because it's WORKING#that constant looming sense of dread is gone. I'm excited to get up. I'm excited to go to bed BECAUSE I'm excited to get up#I feel like for years I've been holding on to the idea that I have to get up because I have to put something good out into the world#and I've been clinging to knowing that if nothing else. I am able to help other people feel better.#but now for the first time in my life I'm like. free of it. I didnt even know it was possible... and I'm so sad how much I've lost out on#and so frustrated how my whole life I've been told to put up with it and push through it. and treated like a failure for it being too much.#and just. It has only been 2 weeks. but the lack of anxiety is SO noticeable I'm so...#I'll never miss it. the adhd is still pretty present but like whatever. I can manage that better.#and I'm just crying because of all this combined.#I just. I hope I get to finally be the best I can be now. for myself but also for you guys!
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