#out of it? i can't describe it. i just don't feel okay. i often push myself through somehow because the thought of fainting scares me

[hanabeeri]

new week!! my cats are doing good <3 the vet said to keep an eye on my male cat, to track his progress. no pretty decorations on this weeks update either because i feel sick </3 oh and i'm writing this on my phone so the formatting is a bit ugly and spacey 😭

what happened this week? aaaah...

>i visited the vet and he checked both of my cats. lucy is doing good! he said that her wound is healing up just fine and that the swelling is gone. when he checked harry he said he seems to be fine now, and that he can't tell right away what caused his seizure. since in rare seizures can happen once (and then never again) he said he won't do any further testings just yet. but should it happen again, i'll have to give him his emergency meds and take him to his clinic right away. from then on he will initiate testings and i will have to monitor harry's further progress

>i've been feeling really dizzy since yesterday 🥹 someone i knew has once told me that whatever i'm dealing with sounds like POTS. i didn't know what it was to that time, and i don't think i will ask my doctor to look into it for a diagnosis.. but knowing the possible cause for my dizziness, racing heart and feelings of faintness is still a comforting thought. at least i know that it's not necessarily my fault. before that i always felt really frustrated and upset whenever i had a flare up. now i try to be more patient with myself, eat something salty and hope i'll feel better. the only reasons why it's still hard sometimes are either lack of options to rest in public or my very own parents who think i'm being lazy 🥹 they always blame flare ups on anything but you know... a possible disability which, in comparison, is pesky at best 😭 i'm fine most of the time, i just need to rest on some days more than on others.

edit: okay so, i'm not sure if this is funny but i am allowed to laugh because it happened to me. yesterday i felt really dizzy and faint in general. but for some reason i kept forgetting 💀 so everytime i sat or laid down and then got up for whatever reason my body would move but my soul would remain seated 😭 i was close to fainting once AHAHA i'm okay though. i laughed about it yesterday too after the... 3rd time maybe. i heard a cat meowing outside so i jumped up, ready to protect my cat in a fight AHAHAH but my body said 'no <3 hihihihi'

and... that's it. other than that i stayed at home and looked after my cats. i was too worried to do anything else. my previous plans were to accompany my friend to something she was anxious to do alone, and go to a book flea market with my friends. i couldn't go.. but next time for sure! they sent me their book hauls though, so i didn't miss out on anything, haha.

i would like to think that my image descriptions are getting better 🥹 doing my very best haha. im holding myself back from going on rambles and adding extra information; like the fact that we grow vegetables and fruit in our garden or that there's a small spring and a house.

[kissedsuns]

cat scratch, oscar piastri.

cw: SMUT, scratching, p in v, crying, & more . . .

for someone often described as a 'polite cat,' oscar certainly lives up to the 'cat' part, though 'polite' wouldn't be how you'd describe him when he's pounding into you without an ounce of mercy.

you were in the midst of a silly argument with him when you said something that seemed to push him over the edge.

he suffered a terrible day and a lousy race, and your complaint about him ignoring you on the way back to the hotel was the last straw.

"shut up," you snap, your patience wearing thin. you didn't want to hear any more about his bad day or the race.

oscar's eyes flash with anger. "you shut up," he bites back.

you step closer, challenging him with your gaze. "oh yeah? make me, dickhead."

for a moment, oscar's expression softens into one of mock defeat. "okay," he sighs, a smirk playing on his lips. "but you might moan a little."

before you can process his words, he pounces on you, his hands gripping your hips as he pushes you onto the bed. your breath hitches as he positions himself above you, eyes dark with intent. there's no gentleness in his touch, no hesitation as he drove into you with a force that left you gasping.

"so quiet now," he taunts, his voice a low growl. "what happened to that bratty little mouth of yours, hm?"

you can only moan in response, your body trembling beneath him. he pulls out briefly, just long enough to flip you over so you were on your back, facing him. your cheeks were flushed, your skin slick with sweat as he looks down at you.

"you're such a messy girl," he murmurs, his hand tangling in your hair before he thrusts back into you. the sensation is overwhelming, your cries filling the room as he set a relentless pace.

"i'm- fuck, 'm sorry!" you gasp, the words tumbling out as he leans down to nip at your neck, his teeth grazing the bruises he'd left earlier.

oscar doesn't let up. "aw, poor baby," he mocks, his lips curving into a smirk. "i don't care that you're sorry." his hips continue their brutal rhythm, each thrust sending waves of pleasure through your body.

with a sudden move, oscar lifts you off the bed and positions himself beneath you, keeping himself inside you the entire time. "y'gonna ride me, okay?"

you nod, your mind hazy with desire as you begin to move. your pace was slow at first, just testing the waters, but oscar's encouragement spurred you on.

"there we go, you've got it," he coos.

his hips buck up occasionally, driving deeper into you which results in you almost collapsing on top of him.

your hands clutch onto oscar's shoulders, fingers digging into his skin as you desperately try to steady yourself. your body is quivering, threatening to give out under the relentless assault of his hips driving into you.

"i can't do it- oscar! fuck-" you gasp, your voice breaking as you struggle to maintain your balance. each thrust from him sends a jolt of pleasure through you, making it nearly impossible to stay upright. "osc, i can't keep going!"

he knows you can. deep down, you know you can too.

"you're whining," he says, rolling his eyes. his tone is almost menacing as his nails rake down your thighs, leaving red trails in their wake. "thought we said we weren't gonna do that."

his grip on your ass tightens, his nails digging in even more when you don't immediately comply. the sharp sting only heightens your arousal, and you can feel tears of frustration welling up in your eyes.

"am i makin' you cry, baby?" oscar mocks, his voice dripping with faux sympathy as he reaches up to wipe a tear from your cheek.

you're not in pain; you're in heaven. although, you are a little embarrassed that you're so turned on by oscar being a little shit.

he laughs, a low, rasping sound that sends shivers down your spine. "suck it up," he sneers.

the rest of the night blurs into a haze of exhaustion and pleasure, your body pushed to its limits as he continues to mouth off about what a brat you are.

the next morning, you wake up with a deep, throbbing ache in almost every single muscle. your ass also feeling especially tender for some reason.

you groan, rubbing your eyes groggily as you take in the sight of oscar completely knocked out beside you. his hair is tousled, falling onto his forehead, and a few bite marks cover his shoulders.

those marks, however, are almost nothing in comparison to what you have.

slowly, you remove yourself from oscar's arms, shivering as the cool morning air hits your bare skin. you reach for something warmer to wear, eyeing the clothes that scatter the bedroom floor.

as you pull on a baggy tee and some thin, lace shorts, you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror. your ass is covered in scratch marks, red and sore. you knew he was gripping you, digging his nails into your skin, but you hadn't realised just how marked up you were.

it looks like a cat had scratched you all over.

"oscar piastri!" you whisper-shout, storming back over to the bed and waking him from his slumber.

he rubs his eyes sleepily, staring up at you with a half-lidded gaze. "yeah?"

"you're a fucking cat," you huff, pointing to your scratched-up backside. "my ass is covered in scratches."

oscar lets out a raspy laugh, propping himself up against the headboard. he just shrugs and smirks at you, clearly unbothered.

he's proud of his work. you, however, are not.

© kissedsuns

[railingsofsorrow]

summary: pretty is the perfect word to describe your boyfriend.

pairing: s.r x gn!reader

w.c: 794

warnings: not edited.

A/N: another one because I'm procrastinating other works

navi

masterpost

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙

the case was over. finally. the jet was filled with silence as soon as each one of you prepare to either sleep, read a book, tune out the world with music or just gaze out the window — in spencer's case, he chose his usual pick: a book. he's currently invested in a mystery novel you presented to him a week ago. it wasn't his commonly choice for reading but he find himself enjoying it. his eyes scanned quickly through the page as he turned another one and another one, when he felt something soft pressing against the back of his neck.

“i love you.”

his posture straightened up in surprise, not noticing you approach. upon feeling your arms wrap around his neck he immediately relaxed against your touch. “you startled me.” he mumbled, blushing slightly.

you nodded, kissing the side of his ear, “i know, sorry.”

he tilted his head to look up at you since you were standing behind him, his lips quirking up in a smile. “hi,” he greets in a whisper.

you whispered it back and closed the gap between your lips in a quick peck, your hand descending to the conjunction area between his neck and shoulder.

spencer was used to your love language being physical touch. he'd often have you touching his hands, playing with his fingers, or caressing his shoulder. you wouldn't outright kiss him on the lips in front of the team, the both of you had a mutual agreement on maintaining a professional stance.

but now your hands were all over him and he didn't know what to do. spencer is shy with physical displays of affection. you're aware of it since the beginning of your relationship. and you're not doing it on purpose, really. you're not. but how can you have such a pretty boyfriend with soft curls and amber eyes and pretty hands and pretty— everything. just the way spencer would turn a page of a book or a case file, slightly raising his pointer finger as the other grazed through the paper, would leave you mesmerized.

you couldn't help it. he was just too pretty to not worship; this was what went through your head as you woke up from your slumber and caught his hunched over frame focused on a hard cover.

“you okay?” he uttered, studying your features, you weren't upside down anymore but sitting beside him. emily had vanished to get some coffee and you stole her seat.

you let out a hum in agreement, biting your cheek to stop yourself from grinning. “you're just too pretty, sometimes I can't help myself, spence.”

“oh.”

if derek was awake right now, he'd be spitting teases in his ear non-stop from how bad spencer felt himself burning. he was sure he was as red as a strawberry. “sorry,” you grinned sheepishly, pulling a light brown strand of his behind his ear because you felt like it. “i'll stop.” you leaned back on the chair. “you can keep reading, sorry I interrupted.”

“i don't mind,” he croaked out, shutting the book without marking the page. he knew the paragraph and made a mental note of the number, that would do, it's not like he could forget. he leaned closer to you, taking one of your hands in his with a soft smile. “you think I'm too pretty?” the softeness turned into a smirk as he tilted his head in faux innocence.

rolling your eyes, you pushed his shoulder playfully, earning a chuckle. you secretly loved that side of him too, below that layer of shyness laid a smug teaser.

“you're beautiful.” he said bringing one of your hands to his lips before intertwining your fingers. “and I love you, too.” he let out in a whisper. a promise.

it didn't take long for you to be tucked into his side, your face mushed against the soft fabric of his sweater. his fingers running through your scalp made you drift off again.

emily comes back to a stolen seat and a cuddling section. she stares at it for a minute, coffee in hand, blinking. half baffled half annoyed. who is she kidding? she can't get annoyed at her two favourite people.

“sit down, prentiss.” hotch mutters with an edge to his tone. when she turned to him he had the corner of his lips slightly upwards. barely noticeable, but it was there. blake warns her with a look, it was as if they were sensing she would commit the crime of disturbing the couple.

she huffs playfully, sitting down next to derek. taking a sip of her coffee, she elbows him, gaining a groan in return. she nudged him again.

“what?” he rubs his eyes, moving one of his earphones. he looks at her and sighs. “what are you doing here? I'm trying to sleep.”

“they stole my seat with their happiness.” emily complains. “I'm going to throw them out the window.”

derek follows her line of sight and his eyes sparkle with mischief. he snaps a picture at the two of you, chuckling as he observes it. “penelope is gonna love this.”

ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙ˏ⸉ˋ‿̩͙‿̩̩̥͙̽‿̩͙

[astrologylunadream]

How Your Person Would Describe You🍨🗣💭 (Pick a card/Tarot love reading)

Hey it's Lunadream🖤 In this reading you will find how your person would talk about you/describe you to others.

Omg and I just realized my current number of follows is 888 so powerful energy up in here. (thank you all so much for that💞) hope you find your message🌸

Notice: Only take what resonates because the most important thing is your own judgement!♡ If anything doesn't resonate, don't worry! It's not your message right now <3 (Entertainment purpose only. All rights reserved)

Now, shall we begin~? ^w^ Think of that beautiful person on your mind, and pick whichever pile that fits the energy you're feeling drawn to~💭

Pile 1🧁

Pile 2🍨

Pile 3🐈‍⬛

Pile 4👛

Take your time and choose carefully with the heart~♡

On to the readings —> 👀

Pile 1🧁

Sign energy: Water, Fancy, Hair, Avoidance, Options, Chiron, Pisces, 8th house, Vertex, Mercury,🙅‍♂️🏚🟧🧖‍♀️

🖤Your person's energy: I'm sensing that this is an emotional individual, even if they don't show it. They might be more serious to others, but they have feelings themselves. Dominant energy of Pisces, Scorpio, Virgo and Gemini, for some of you pisces mercury or chiron conjunct mercury is significant. I feel like they have a closed off demeanor and some people may expect them to be cold or in a bad mood. This person likely changes their hair a lot, could be drastically like the color. Their hair may be very attractive to you😍 Your person may often avoid things they aren't ready for, not necessarily indecisive but just very avoidant. This could be because they have been through a lot of damage in the past, they have a lot of emotions built up and they have been hurt with others words.😥 They may not enjoy classy events or that could be a regular thing for them that they can't stand. Because I'm picking up for some of you this person is higher class. The color orange may be significant. For some of you this person is avoiding you, I'm hearing they're running out of options take what resonates whatever that means for you. You have a deep attraction and infatuation with this person, but I'm getting that they are more so reserved when it comes to intimate relationships. So they push back a bit if you approach them, They're a heavy thinker and may expect issues to occur if they get involved in a romantic connection. They get lost in their thoughts sometimes, but they have a really aesthetic voice.💗

💬How they would describe you: Energy, Mindfulness, Decay, Lilith, Tears, Fire, 1st house, 2nd house, Virgo, Pluto, 🟩🫂🥱🎸 Okay so your person would describe you as someone who has a very bright and youthful vibe to them, and there's a spark of determination in your eyes. They would say you also have a witty and sharp mind, they feel as if you outsmart them. They're kind of jealous of you for it. But they think you are too hard on yourselves, and it tears them apart on the inside. Maybe you judge yourself too hard? They would say they want to give you good vibes and recharge your happiness.🤗 When you enter the room, your energy just radiates to them. I feel like they would tell others how sweet you are.💓 They would like to say you seem really smart, actually. They bet many people are jealous of your abilities. To be honest, they would say the way your mind works scares them a little, but it also makes you very attractive.😳 they would feel like your words could pierce into their soul, and get kind of intimidated. They don't know for sure, but something about you is just captivating. They would describe you as someone you would want to hug, especially when you're feeling down or low on energy. That you have a strong approach to the world, and put your best foot forward. They don't know what to expect from you at the moment, not exactly warmed up to you yet. Your person might need more time to analyze you, and see what you're truly all about.🔍🩷

💌Messages from your person: You need me now, They know, We were meant to be, Again and again, Let me adore you (How sweet🥺💞) Extra cards: Abandonment, Soft spot, Tight, Vent, Love song

Thank you my pile 1's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🩷

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 1 with the cupcake emoji~🧁 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🌸

Pile 2🍨

Sign energy: Outfit, Harm, Swim, Closed, Fake smile, Uranus, Venus, 9th house, 1st house, Jupiter, 🎭🦴👰‍♀️💭

🖤Your person's energy: For this pile I am sensing someone physically bigger, they have an outward vibe to them. I feel like your person just fills the room with their aura, they could be charismatic or seem that way to you. Dominant signs are Aquarius, Taurus, Libra, Sagittarius, Aries and Pisces energy. They dress very individually, I'm hearing no one in your circle dresses the way they do. It's definitely something thay catches your eye, they have a very specific style that's unique and fresh😎 Your person may be very drawn to foreigners especially females from a different background from them, maybe they wish to marry someone from a different country or language?💍🫢 Your person has a pretty smile, they smile a lot and many people adore their smile. Swimming could be a hobby for them or maybe their field of work for some of you. I feel like this person puts on a social face, they could be really good at hiding their emotions. You may imagine yourself with this person a lot, but they get a lot of female attention.👀 Physically they are attractive and well dressed. Your person is very social, they may not necessarily want to be but since they recieve so much attention it is hard to avoid.💬💫 For some of you this person is more of an introvert with a lot of friends. Your person has a very broad selection of clothing styles, they like trying out new things. Very expirimental person, they also have great bone structure I'm hearing.💪

💬How they would describe you: Rise, Surface, Focus, Queen, Danger, Uranus, Aries, Jupiter, 5th house, 9th house,👸⬜️🧣🙃 Ohh okay this is very interesting, so your person would describe you as someone very attractive😆 It's not like they're flirting about it but they do see you as someone very romantically magnetic, you have charms about you that they think many people would adore. So your person would also describe you as a unique and empowered person, but I definitely think if you asked them what they think of you the first thing that comes to mind would be your physical traits🫦♨️ Yesss your person would think that first when it comes to you. But also they would say you have a lot of drive and determination for enhancing your experiences in life, they would say you are fun-loving and unpredictable.❤️‍🔥 Also that you put a lot into your love life, some of you may want to date around and explore your possible romantic adventures and your person sees that as a part of your personality and who you are. They would describe you as a creative and entertaining person to be around, someone who knows how to enjoy themselves.🥳 You are a huge focus to this person too omg, they're really interested in you I'm hearing. They would say that they're curious and you, and willing to see what you're about. They also would say that you're a little wild and untamed, but also untouchable in a powerful way.👑💗 Your person would see you as your own queen/king, someone with a sense of self worth and achievement.👏

💌Messages from your person: Stop thinking about me, I'm so into you, Whatever works for you, Anything for you, I'm desperate (Omg whaaat😢💞) Extra cards: Last, Creativity, Hate, Medication, Alice in wonderland

Thank you my pile 2's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🩷

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 2 with the sundae emoji~🍨 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🌸

Pile 3🐈‍⬛

Sign energy: Long, Girlfriend, Perfect, Intellectual, Reach out, Cancer, Mars, South node, Saturn, North node,💆‍♀️♎️😭🧩

🖤Your person's energy: Oh so someone is definitely on their toes in this connection, like holding onto it so much😫✊️ Prominent signs are Cancer, Aries, Scorpio, Capricorn and Aquarius. Libra may be significant, that is the sign of relationships too.😮💞 Your person has a very soft energy to them, but also very capable like they are not a helpless or dependent kind of person. This relationship could feel somewhat out of reach to you or them, like there is just so much going on right now for you both. You may view them as an ideal romantic partner, or they have many traits you want in a lover. Definitely a more feminine and sweeter energy.💌🌸 Some of my pile 3's are dating this person, because I'm definitely getting this mutual loving and romantic interest from both sides. You may be madly in love with this person or they may be madly in love with you.😍 The intimacy from them could be the best you have had if you've been intimate with them. Your person is so caring for you though, like they want to protect you and give you comfort and love.🫂😇🥰 Your person is quite smart too, they are clever and think things through. Someone in this connection is trying to reach out or has been for a while, not giving up I'm hearing.😢 My pile 3's and their person are so cute togetherrr. They just fit with you in every way, feeling like your other half. The perfect boyfriend/girlfriend I'm hearing, it is likely this is the person you will start a family/share a home with!!

💬How they would describe you: Decision, Fashion, Surrender, Bedroom, Punish, Sun, Lilith, 1st house, 4th house, 12th house,👥️❤️‍🩹😘💭 Wow I was not expecting this, my pile 3's your person is just omg🥵 They would describe you as well dressed and hot, like you look good in your clothes😳 They would see you as someone more submissive and delicate, especially if you two are alone together. Your person would call you cute and hot at the same time (other things too I won't go into all that in this reading😭). They would say that you're good at like choosing the best options for yourself, lol maybe they think you made a good decision by choosing them?😂 Haha that's cute and I feel like your person would say you know right from wrong pretty well, you have a good sense of justice. But omg they would say you are physically attractive like they want to pin you down that's how attractive you are to this person🫣❤️‍🔥 Your person would say you're like home to them, a safe place for them to turn to. They want to punish you in a romantic sense (only if you want that I'm getting), I'll leave it to Interpretation but yeah a lot of intimate descriptions about you🔞 They would call you a dreamy and spiritual person and they really like that about you too. You are someone soft and so lovable to them, they would say you are theirs omg. They love the way you dress, you are someone they want to hug and hold aww. They would say you're someone they think about a lot, omg I'm hearing "this is the person I love" like that is how they would describe you my pile 3's!!🥰💗

💌Messages from your person: Let's listen to music together, Thinking of you, Anything for you, Keep going, With you. (So much thinking of you lol so sweet🥺💖) Extra cards: Poker face, Throne, Extreme, Alice in wonderland, Cold (Maybe some of you guys are somewhere where the temperatures are really low rn since it's winter during this reading.❄️)

Thank you my pile 3's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🩷

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 3 with the black cat emoji~🐈‍⬛ Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🌸

Pile 4👛

Sign energy: Love song, Surprise, Desperation, Bad habit, Gossip, Juno, Mercury, 8th house, Taurus, Mars, ♀️💄🤦‍♂️🫱

🖤Your person's energy: Okay there is a lot of talk centered around this person, my pile 4's your person is on many people's minds I'm getting.💭👀!! There are main energies of Gemini, Virgo, Scorpio, Taurus and Aries. I feel like this person is kinda like a forbidden fruit to you guys, like you shouldn't take the bite but you're really tempted. Maybe they're said to be bad or dangerous, like you may just get this vibe from them that's like bad news. Your person may wear makeup or you tend to wear a lot around them.💋💄 Omg I feel like your person is the type that others think they are wearing makeup even when they aren't, their bare face is really attractive to you.😳 You may have a habit of falling back into this connection, there is definitely a cycle happening with this person. Particularly feminines are talking about your person a lot, and masculines are like talking bad about them that's what I'm picking up on. There may be gossip about you and this person, I think a lot of people are jealous of your person and the way they think and communicate themselves in a powerful and magnetic way.🖤 You may be desperate to talk to them, some of you want to marry this person. I can definitely feel that they are tired of what everyone is saying about them, there may be some gossip going around about you too. Your person is actually really genuine, if they like you they won't be fickle about it. They may be very honest or direct in their romantic relationships. Also they don't like gossip and rumors I'm hearing.

💬How they would describe you: Happiness, You, Dating, Worthy, Warm, Lilith, 12th house, Cancer, Aquarius, 1st house,💥🤫🗿🤤 So they would describe you as someone they care about omg🥺🩷 You make them happy and feel safe. They would say you are a good friend (maybe some of you are friends with this person) and also good to your friends. They would say you radiate a warm caring energy, some of my pile 4's are dating this person on the low🫢🗣 Your person would say you have the most comforting hugs, so warm and loving. They would describe you as a very spiritual and intuitive person, diving into the darkest depths of unknown and somewhat taboo or strange topics. Your appearance is comforting and sweet to them, and they would say you are so worthy of their time and love.💗 They would call you a unique and soft individual, something about you is so special to them. They would say you are someone they want to date, and stay with for a long time.😍💋 Your person would also say you confuse them in many ways too haha, you have a mysterious allure they can't seem to figure out.🧠✨️ Your person would describe you as friendly and sweet. They would say they can count on you with whatever they need, because you're reliable to them. Your presence alone would make them feel safe and at ease, omg you really just make their day I'm hearing.☀️ They could probably list a thousand positive traits of yours, that's how much they enjoy your existence lol. I just love your person's opinion on you guys, it's so supportive and loving😭💖

💌Messages from your person: You're ready for me, My one and only, Please don't love anyone else, Why so serious? I knew you would feel this way. (For some of you in this pile, this person definitely knows how you feel about them!! Any of my pile 4's date this person?😘 Cuz like they know you love them🤣🤣) Extra cards: Comfort, Escape, Locked, Money, Habits

Thank you my pile 4's! If you feel this resonated, you may tap the heart to claim this message!🩷

I hope you enjoyed your reading! ʚ(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )ɞ If you did be sure to let me know pile 4 with the handbag emoji~👛 Thanks for scrolling through, Hugs hugs hugs!! See you in the next reading🌸

Wanna see more readings like this? Check out my tumblr for accurate readings for you!💗🌊🌸

Thanks for reading! \(*^w^)/💌 -Lunadream <3

[reccyls]

Beyond the Merging of Then and Now (Leon story)

Leon's 4th anniversary story sale, where child Leon is brought to the future to meet Emma and current Leon

---

It was a morning just like any other, and as Leon and I returned together to our room with breakfast... We found a small boy in Leon's room.

Emma & ???: ......

(Black hair and amber eyes... he looks exactly like Leon!)

Leon: Are you--

(Does Leon know him?)

Leon: --Leon Dompteur?

("Leon"!? They do look identical, true... so is this...?)

Young Leon: ...That's right. And you are?

Leon: I'm also Leon. More accurately, an adult version of you.

(...It's something right out of a novel. But seeing it happen right in front of my eyes, I have no choice but to believe it.) (And now that I think about it... I can believe it. This lonely looking boy really does seem to be Leon as a child.)

Young Leon: You're an adult me...? Do you have any proof?

Leon: Proof? Well, you must have already realized, but we look nearly identical. Leon: There is nobody else here who looks like us. After all, isn't that the reason you came here in the first place?

Young Leon: ...I'm the only person left in the whole world who knows "that secret." Young Leon: So you must be telling the truth. And that means... I'm in the future?

(He's able to accept such an unrealistic situation so calmly. I guess Leon is Leon, no matter what age he's at.)

Leon: Seems like it. Ah, one correction, though: I'm not the only one who knows our secret anymore. Leon: Emma here also knows.

Young Leon: ...Who is she?

Leon: Emma is...

Emma: Hi there, Leon. I'm your future self's fiancée.

Young Leon: ...You know everything, and you still want to marry me...?

(He looks like he doesn't believe me. Considering his situation, I suppose I should have expected that.) (But... I've always wanted to meet Leon when he was younger.) (To be there at his side. To support him, to hold him close.) (...So I want him to believe me.)

Emma: I do. Because I love you.

Young Leon: ...

Leon: Leon, your future fiancée is an amazing woman, you know? Your future will be bright, and full of happiness. Leon: Well, that's future talk. For now... how about we go play outside?

(....Play?)

Young Leon: I can't. As long as I'm Leon, I have things I need to do.

Leon: But here and now, I'm "Leon". You are just a kid. Leon: And there's only one thing that kids need to do: play and have fun to their heart's content.

(Right, he is just a child...)

Leon: This kind of chance doesn't come around very often. We've got to make the most of it, don't we?

(Leon has never had the chance to be "just a kid".) (And that's why, he wants to give this child version of himself the opportunity he never had.) (So in that case...)

Emma: Hey, why don't we go out and have a picnic together? We can play a lot, and we can enjoy lunch and snacks outside too. Emma: I'll make the best lunch you've ever had. We can have a lot of meat, how does that sound?

Young Leon: Meat...

(Looks like he's interested! One more little push...)

Emma: I'm planning to make some roast beef sandwiches, and some thick cut steaks... Emma: And maybe some stewed meats, and lots of other meat-based dishes too.

Young Leon: ...It sounds tasty...

(Aww, how cute!)

Leon: So we're decided. Leon: Emma's cooking is the best in the world. Look forward to it, Leon.

--scene change, meadow--

Leon: Looks like great weather today. Perfect for a picnic. So, let's start with having some fun.

Young Leon: What things do to have fun?

(Looks like Leon isn't sure what he should be doing.) (But he's fidgeting like he's excited.)

Emma: I found a book that describes a bunch of games we can play outdoors like this. Let's start with reading it together.

Young Leon: ...A book?

Emma: I know you're not great with books. But I'd be very happy if you listened while I read. Emma: So, I'll start now. "There are many games perfect for the outdoors, where you can feel the wind whipping around you..."

...

Emma: Okay, I'm going to throw this acorn over there. The first person to find it, wins. Everyone ready?

Leon & Young Leon: Yes!

Emma: Ready, set, go!

Leon: I'll be going first.

Young Leon: He's fast... But I can run too...!

(Leon's running with all his might, and little Leon is too!) (I can't let them show me up, I've got to step it up too!)

...

(...I'm... so tired..........)

Leon: Well, it's about time for lunch. I'm eager to try what Emma's made for today.

Young Leon: Me too... I'm hungry too.

Emma: I've unpacked everything, so come on and sit.

Leon: Everything looks delicious. That's my Emma.

Young Leon: .......I can really eat this?

Emma: Of course! I made enough for all of us.

Young Leon: Thank you. .....It's really good. It really is the best in the world.

(His eyes are sparkling... I'm feeling a little embarrassed.)

Leon: Told you. Everything's delicious, but this one especially. It's definitely my favorite.

Young Leon: Hey, I wanted that! ...You eat too much, Leon. Young Leon: And... you're more childish than I thought you would be. Young Leon: I always thought that "Leon" should be really mature...

Leon: Yeah. I thought the same. However... I'm really happy about being childish.

(Because Leon can be his true self. I'm glad.)

Young Leon: ...Why?

Leon: You'll understand one day. When you meet Emma in your world, and fall in love.

(Leon looks so gentle right now.)

Young Leon: Okay... Well, whatever. Anyway, that flower...

(Why did he suddenly stand up? Hm?) (....My head? Aw, he tucked it into my hair!) (What a lovely gift. Leon really is Leon, after all.)

Leon: Heh, trying to steal Emma from me? Looks like I can't let my guard down even around myself.

Young Leon: I'm not trying to steal her. You look after my future self, right? Young Leon: I just want to say thank you... I thought the flower would look nice with your hair...

(Oh my gosh, how adorable...!)

--scene change, leon's room, sunset--

Leon: And to bed now... there we go.

Emma: He really is sleeping deeply. He probably isn't going to wake up until next morning.

Leon: I've never played this much when I was young. It probably tired him out.

Emma: He's so cute... He seems a lot more mature when he's awake, but he is much more relaxed when he's asleep.

Leon: It's because you accept him as he is. Leon: He can relax because he doesn't have to put up his guard around you. I know, because I'm him. Thank you for today.

Emma: Don't thank me, it's something I'm happy to do. He is you, after all. Emma: ...I've always wanted to meet you when you were younger. Emma: So I'm very happy he's here today.

(...You aren't alone anymore, little Leon. Leon and I are both here for you.) (So be an ordinary child. Be yourself.)

As I stroked his hair, hoping to convey to him my feelings, his little body curled closer towards mine.

[skaruresonic]

The common rebuttal to "this reads like fanfic (derogatory)" is "read better fanfic," which is true in certain cases, but on the other hand, there is some grain of truth to the idea that you can tell when someone's primary mode of literary analysis is fanfic instead of... well... literally anything else. It's okay to like or even prefer fanfic, but if you want to take your craft seriously you also need to read books, dude. Published books will teach you a lot of stuff fanfic doesn't, like proper dialogue formatting and how to introduce your reader to unfamiliar characters. Even the crappiest book (well, if it's not After or 50 Shades, which started off as fanfic to begin with lol) will have been subjected to some sort of editing process to ensure at least the appearance of proper grammar. That's not a guarantee with your average fanfic, and hence why you can't always take all your writing cues from fanfic because it's "so much better" than commercially published original fiction or whatever. Frankly, fic writers tend to peddle some absolutist and downright bad takes sometimes. "Said is dead" is a terrible rule, though not because said is invisible and a perfectly serviceable tag; that's just part of it. Dialogue tags are a garnish, not a main dish that can be swapped out for more ostentatious words. If your characters murmur and mutter instead of simply saying stuff, your readers are going to wonder why nobody speaks up. "'I'm explaining some very plot-important shit right now lol,' she elaborated," likewise, is a form of telling. Instead of letting the reader extrapolate that "she elaborated" via the contents of the dialogue itself, you're telling them what to think about it. And that's why it's distracting: your authorial hand is showing. Writing is an act of camouflage. You, as the writer, need to make your presence as invisible as possible so as to not intrude on the reader's suspension of disbelief. That's the driving reason behind "show, don't tell." And overall, everyone could stand to cut down on the frequency of their dialogue tags anyway. Not every exchange needs "he said" or "she whispered" attached as long as you establish who is doing the talking before the exchange. Some people will complain of confusion if you go on for too long without a dialogue tag, and that definitely is a risk, but at some point you also need to resist the temptation of holding the reader's hand. If they can't follow a conversation between two people, chances are they weren't meeting you halfway and paying that much attention in the first place. In fact, you don't even necessarily need action beats in between every piece of dialogue, as Tumblr writing advice posts will often suggest as a fix. Pruning things often cleans them up just fine.

Another fanfic-influenced trend in writing is, I guess, beige prose? A heavy focus on internal narration with lots of telling. It's not a style I can concretely describe, but every time I click on a non-mutual's writing, I feel like it always has, like. This "samey" voice to it. There's no real attempt to experiment and use unique or provocative language, or even imagery half the time. It's almost a dry recital of narration that doesn't leave much room for subtext. I see this style most often in fanfic where you can meander and wax poetic about how the characters feel without ever really getting around to the plot. And it's like. DO something.

Other tells that the author is taking their cues from fanfic mores rather than books: >>too much minute description of eyes, especially their color and their movement >>doesn't leave much room for subtext (has a character speak their every thought aloud instead of letting the reader infer what they're thinking via action or implication) >>too much stage action ("X looked at Y. Y moved to push their seat in. X took a deep breath and stepped toward Y with a determined look on his face. 'We need to talk,' he said.") >>tells instead of shows, even when the example is about showing instead of telling ("he clenched his teeth in agony" instead of just "he clenched his teeth") >>has improper dialogue tag formatting, especially with putting full stops where there should be commas ("'Lol and lmao.' she said" instead of "'Lol and lmao,' she said." This one drives me up a wall) >>uses too many dialogue tags >>"em dashes, semi-colons and commas, my beloved" - I get the appeal but full stops are your friends. Too much alternate punctuation makes your writing seem stilted and choppy. >>"he's all tousled brown hair and hard muscle" and "she's all smiles and long legs." This turn of phrase is so cliche, it drives me up a wall. Find less trite ways of describing your characters pls. >>"X released a breath he didn't know he'd been holding" >>every fucking Hot Guy ever is described as lean and sinewy >>sobbing. why is everyone sobbing. some restraint, pls >>Tumblr in general tends to think a truism counts as good writing if you make the most melodramatic statement possible (bonus: if it's written in a faux-archaic way), garnish it with a hint of egotism, and toss in allusions to the Christian God, afterlife, or death. ("I will stare God in the face and walk backwards into hell," "What is a god to a nonbeliever?") It's indicative of emotional immaturity imo, that every emotional truth need be expressed That Intensely in order to resonate with people. >>pushes the "Oh." moment as the pinnacle of Romantic Epiphany >>Therapy Speak dialogue. why is this emotionally constipated forty-something man who drinks himself stupid every morning to escape gruesome war memories speaking about his trauma like a clinical psychologist >>"this well-established kuudere should Show More Emoshun. I want him to break down crying on his love interest's shoulder from all his repressed trauma" - I am begging u. stop >>"why don't the characters just talk to each other?" "why can't we have healthy relationships?" I don't know, maybe because fiction is not supposed to be a model for reality and perfect communication makes for boring drama?

>>improperly using actions as dialogue tags ("'Looks like we're going hunting,' he grinned") >>why is everyone muttering and murmuring. speak up >>too many adverbs, especially "weakly" and "shakily." use stronger verbs. ("trembled" instead of "shook weakly") >>too many epithets ("the younger man" or "the brunette detective") >>too many filter words ("he felt," "she thought," "I remembered")

>>no, Tumblr, first-person POV is not the devil; you're just using way too many filter words (see above) and not enough sentence variation to make it flow well enough. First-person POV is an actually pretty good POV (not just for unreliable and self-aware narrators) if you know what you're doing and a lot of fun crafting an engaging character voice. Tumblr's hatred of first-person baffles me, and all I can think is you would only hate it if your only frame of reference was, like, My Immortal. Have you tried reading A Book? First-person POV is just another tool in your toolbox, and like all tools, it can be used properly or improperly. But it's not inherently a marker of bad writing. The disdain surrounding it strikes me as about as sensical as making fun of the concept of characters. Oh, your work has characters in it? Ew, I automatically click off a fic if it has characters in it. like what.

[utilitycaster]

no d20 spoilers here since i know you know the gist of the drama but the fact that both kipperlilly (and the ratgrinders as a whole) and laudna are sending the their respective fandoms into meltdowns is FASCINATING to me!!! Especially happening at roughly the same time

I am now officially caught up and. not to brag but, called it re: the Rat Grinders, huh, except it's even more stupid. Like. The "but they're literally minors?" argument sort of falls apart given that they're the same age as the Bad Kids, and are actively trying to kill them, the "but redemption" argument doesn't mean shit since at no point did they make any forays towards redemption and indeed sicced a bunch of dragons on the Bad Kids, and so we're left with nothing but an impotent desire to not have a sick-ass battle in the finale of a D20 Campaign. And, perhaps, an uncomfortable realization that they are not unlike the Rat Grinders and the narrative said "lmao yeah you suck".

Laudna's shit? not that different actually. Like there's a lot of reasons why the arguments defending her are bullshit but the biggest one is that the "Laudna has never done anything wrong ever in her life and Imogen is her tether" crowd have painted themselves into a delightfully tiny little corner and they can't hide it anymore. Like, okay, so, is Laudna in control of her actions? Because if so she just attacked Orym in the middle of the night. Is she not? Because if so why hasn't she made the efforts that Chetney and FCG and Imogen (at least sometimes) did to address that? If the issue is trauma why is hers more valid than that of others? If it's abuse tell me how you feel about Caleb, Fjord, Beau, and Percy? Why is Orym shutting down the conversation when he says the Vanguard killed his family but Laudna's not doing the same when she tells Ashton not to speak to her of loneliness and Chetney not to speak to her of loss when she doesn't have a monopoly on either?

Why is it Bells Hells' job to endlessly accomodate Laudna and why are so many people suddenly talking about Bells Hells as an abstract 7-headed entity that didn't deal with Laudna's problems when those same people (if they were around at the time of the gnarlrock airing, and many of them weren't) were like "NO THEY SHOULD MAKE UP AS FAST AS POSSIBLE AND IMOGEN IS A BITCH BECAUSE LAUDNA DIDN'T MEAN IT." Why wasn't it an issue for them when Laudna's ranting about her time in Issylra and how hard it was got shut down by Imogen kissing her because that's why it didn't stay in the spotlight. Why wasn't it an issue for them when Imogen said "if you need her, that's my answer"? Why is it Orym or "Bells Hells" in the abstract who never spent time on Laudna's trauma after months if not years of throwing a fit any time someone (often me) (not always though) pointed out how much Imogen and Laudna were shoving under the rug and not dealing with? What does it say that you can't even expect Laudna's partner to be the one supporting her through this- it has to be Orym? Why doesn't Laudna have any responsibility here? At minimum she could have spoken up about the sword at at least two if not three junctures and she didn't.

There's a lot of things I hold in contempt, and after the obvious things like bigotry, two I really detest are hypocrisy and dereliction of responsibility. It's been extremely telling with both the D20 and CR discourse that people do not like seeing the story and the fandom say "hey actually you need to take responsibility for your actions, you only get redemption if you work for it, and if you leave a room hoping someone will follow you without saying that's what you want? Don't be surprised if no one does." The reason everyone was preparing to stop Laudna was because she was, in every action and decision, showing herself to be a person in need of being stopped. Can you describe this perfect balance of gentleness in which she's never pushed too hard but she does talk about her trauma and work through it and in doing so leaves Delilah? Have you demanded any other member of Bells Hells be granted that same gentleness and patience and kindness or do you think Orym should get over his grief because it's inconvenient to your arguments.

Just as the Rat Grinders show the narrative saying "being an entitled, resentful, jealous person who hurts others from jealousy makes you an easy tool to be manipulated into cruelty and you need to deal with that," I think Laudna shows the narrative (and certainly the fandom) saying "you do have an obligation to deal with your trauma, especially if it causes you to hurt others, and you can ask for help but you can't just sit on your ass waiting for someone else to initiate the process for you" as well as "if you do hurt people because of your trauma they may be angry with you, this may shape how they see you, and they are justified in that because you hurt them" and I think people in both fandoms hate being told that because I think a lot of the people sparking the discourse really do think that you can shield yourself from criticism over your hurtful actions by claiming trauma or neurodivergence or mental illness or whatever and it's like, no, you do still suck, you just also had sucky things happen to you as well.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not better hiding or managing my garbage during a house party?

CW for blood mentions, in both accidental injury and menstruation.

I (22F) live in an apartment building with a weird (to me) trash policy, there are set times you can take your garbage out, with no chute or communal disposal place. If you want to take out your garbage any time that isn't part of your usual time and date slot.... you just can't. I usually try to think about my waste and disposal like days in advance just because of this, because I often have friends/ colleagues over and especially if I'm cooking or have received bulky online orders, I have to do something with the garbage if company is expected. I also live in a relatively small apartment itself and it's not like I can really hide these things - I can put cardboard away, but not actual garbage, without it likely creating more of a mess or a stink in a very small space.

All of this to say, I had a little holiday party last night. Yesterday morning, I had an accident with a carrot peeler and had to spend about half an hour on the bathroom floor trying to stop a finger cut from bleeding, cleaning the blood, wrapping the wound, bleeding through the gauze and bandaids, etc, etc. When it finally stopped, I cleaned the bathroom vigorously. Obviously. I put the bloody cottons, band-aids, wrappings, all of that, in my bathroom garbage can. The problem was, I can't get rid of my garbage until the next night (tonight at the time of writing). I put more tissue paper on top to hide it, push it to the bottom, and finally decided too to double-line it. So, in the garbage can, there was the initial liner, assorted q-tips and whatnot, the bloody stuff, more tissues and toilet paper and cotton rounds to hide it, and then another liner on top.

Later that night at some point in the party, my friend Polly (25F) went to the restroom and when she came back, she pulled me aside into my bedroom and said that she had gone to hide a tampon replacement and saw "a lot of fucking blood" in the trash and that "she would never say this to call me out or make me feel bad" but that she thought it was really gross to have it out at the party. I told her I couldn't take the trash out - she's heard me complain about the trash policy before - and I was really sorry and mortified, I thought it was hidden okay. The rest of the night I think Polly just looked really disgusted at me. I'm sitting here all morning feeling really bad, but like, also getting irritated. If she was going to hide a tampon that well, does that mean she would have dropped it into the can under the lining if there hadn't been a second lining and not said anything, which is like - I'd argue even more gross? She looked so.. I don't know how to describe it. Displeased? she absolutely was colder through the night too. I keep wondering if I should reach out and ask her if she's okay. But I mean AITA for not doing anything more with the garbage and not hiding or disposing of the blood better?

What are these acronyms?

[creepypasta-meh-dudes]

Seamus Wrynn/Kelly Duffy Hc's

Okay, how do I put this? if Seamus and Kelly were husband and wife, Seamus would be the husband, as in he sort of takes the lead?

Not in like a "I'm the sweet loving husband, and you're my sweet submissive wife" kind of way, more like a "I tell you what to do, and you follow cause for some reason you tolerate me and cooperate more than anyone else" kind of way.

They don't really hurt each other, and have a pretty healthy dynamic! Which is surprising because of how apparently irredeemable Kelly is....and...what Seamus does for a living...

Speaking of hurting, as in pain, they're both really really into that and they often indulge each other.

I think Kelly does actually enjoy doing stuff for Seamus, and likes feeling useful.

Seamus will often, after projects, offer Kelly a bit of praise, giving them a good ol' "well done" and "I couldn't have done this as efficiently without you"

Seamus is often confused by his own feelings for Kelly. He knows he cares for them, but there's something else there....a thing that could only be described as warmth when he's around them....It confuses him to no end, and is a bit distressing for him to dwell on.

Kelly feels like Seamus is the only one who truly respects them, he pushes them to their limits, but knows when to stop and will if Kelly says so (Kelly rarely does though)

Kelly likes taking care of Seamus, Like we've seen in other posts, they will often rub Seamus's feet after a long day, will draw him a bath, cook- no- order him something to eat, etc

Kelly can't cook for sh*t bro. Like, they will BURN WATER. THEY WILL CHAR IT.

Seamus typically rewards Kelly with food, praise, and they will sometimes bathe together (mostly because Kelly is covered in blood and this is the only way Seamus can get him to take a bath)

Seamus will listen to Kelly's rants about things, because even though Kelly is very quiet around the rest of the Hellcrew, they usually have a lot on their mind and let it all out around Seamus, because Seamus doesn't judge, he just listens and adds in his own piece at times.

Kelly Duffy was created by @sanityshorror

Seamus Wrynn was created by @gracilissart

(Graciliss please don't boot me from the fandom 😭, I hope this in character enough for Seamus!)

~SPICY/weirder material~ under here 👇

Last warning

dude seriously

alright, you asked for it.

as it was mentioned before, both Seamus and Kelly have a thing for pain and will indulge each other in the bedroom

They are both into some really really strange things.....and things that are actually really concerning

They are not above using dead people. we'll just say that.

Seamus has a whole collection of photos of Kelly during their more intimate moments (Yes, Kelly is aware of this, and kind of likes it, makes them feel important and special)

Kelly has a thing for praise

Kelly is also a bit of a power bottom

Seamus is typically top, but is open to switching as well.

Seamus enjoys giving pleasure to Kelly, it gives him more to observe about them, and helps for future reference

[jeongyeonluvr]

Just breathe

|| non!idol au

|| cg!Nayeon nd!Tzuyu

•TW: Tzuyu has autism, meltdown, self harm (not graphic)

Long years of abuse and ugly comments taught Tzuyu how to control herself and her autism. She isn't going to lie, it is hard, but if she wants to have work and a relationship she has to control herself.

She is smart, she just must act like everyone else around her. You have to blend in if you want to survive. Tzuyu doesn't fully understand the people around her, Except Nayeon. Nayeon never lies, never hides what she thinks or feels. She understands Tzuyu and numbers. Being a financial analyst is easy for her and her boss knows Tzuyu doesn't like working in a team, so Nayeon is mostly alone in her office and works 8 or 9 hours a day before going home with Tzuyu because they work in the same company.

Friendly and kind Nayeon works in the HR department. Many people wonder how they can be together - weird and timid Tzuyu versus outgoing and gorgeous Nayeon. Nayeon doesn't care about other people, she loves tzuyu.

Nayeon can't describe the strong urge she has. She must protect Tzuyu and take care of her, otherwise people would exploit or hurt her. The best way how to protect Tzuyu is having a "little" day. It is a term to describe that Tzuyu can slip in her comfortable age range during their free days, she can enjoy feeling like a little kid for a day or two. On Fridays, right after work, Tzuyu crucially needs to be little.

The office is full. She can't rock, she can't stim if she doesn't want to look even weirder. Tzuyu sees Momo watching her and tries to smile before her mother's strict voice inside her head stopped her.

Don't smile! Your smile is weird.

That's what her mother always told her. Weird.

W-E-I-R-D.

Tzuyu snaps out of her thoughts and slips her hands underneath the desk and starts hitting her thighs. Her punches are getting stronger, but Tzuyu doesn't feel the pain that bad. She often ends up covered with bruises and scratches without knowing where she got them. Tzuyu knows Nayeon will give her a sad look like always when she finds new wounds on her body, but Tzuyu can't stop herself.

Nayeon turns off her computer and packs her bag before leaving her office. The walk to Tzuyu’s office isn't long, just 4 minutes and she is opening the door. Tzuyu freezes when Nayeon appears on the threshold and Nayeon sighs. She will make sure to put ice on Tzuyu’s slim thighs after getting home.

"It’s okay baby, we’re nearly done."

Nayeon strokes Tzuyu’s hair, her long fingers gently scratches Tzuyu’s scalp and she takes Tzuyu’s coat. Nayeon peeks out of the office to see if the hallway toward the elevators is empty. There is nobody in sight so she gently takes Tzuyu’s hand in hers and quickly leads her out of the office and straight to the elevators.

"Just a bit longer and we will be home."

Nayeon has been with Tzuyu long enough to recognize when she is teetering on the brink of a meltdown. She is sure neither of them wants to have a public meltdown, Tzuyu can be stressed and tired but she always breaks down in private even if the process of pushing her meltdown away exhausts her even more.

The elevator arrives and takes them in the underground parking lot. Nayeon unlocks their car before helping Tzuyu inside and buckling her seatbelt. The traffic isn't bad, they will arrive home in 20 minutes or less, and then Nayeon will unpack Tzuyu’s little things.

Tzuyu is getting worse. she is bitting on her short fingers and rocks in her seat. Nayeon is driving as fast as she can and then she fumbles with her keys and tries to unlock the door to their apartment while also holding Tzuyu’s left wrist in her free hand, Tzuyu’s bitting was getting too brutal, a bit of blood appears on her wrist. Nayeon closes the front door and Tzuyu really can't keep her shit together any longer.

She throws herself on the floor right in the hallway. Nayeon winced when Tzuyu’s body collided with the white tiles and quickly hurries to her. Tzuyu bangs her head against the floor just to get rid of the weird feeling inside her brain. It feels as if ants are crawling inside her skull and it drives her crazy.

Nayeon carefully lies down on the top of Tzuyu while also placing her forearm between Tzuyu’s head and the floor. Nayeon’s weight on the top of her calms Tzuyu down, Nayeon kisses her cheeks and presses her body even closer to her. Tzuyu is sobbing, but she feels a bit better, the pressure inside her head isn't so terrible. Nayeon feels the small hands trying to find some way underneath her shirt. Tzuyu’s sweaty hands stroke Nayeon’s warm skin and then both palms press on Nayeons chest so she can feel the heartbeat. Tzuyu is tired, but she is finally feeling at peace.

Nayeon slowly stands up, ready to lie down on the top of Tzuyu if she continues in her meltdown, luckily she is calm so Nayeon pulls her on her feet.

"Do you want to play?"

Tzuyu weakly shakes her head, no. She is feeling too fidgety to play with some of her toys.

"What about a bath?"

Tzuyu is silently thinking, Nayeon knows how much she loves long bubble baths. Tzuyu slowly nods and Nayeon grabs her little hand. Nayeon leads her into the bathroom where she asks Tzuyu if she can undress her. Water is steadily filling the bathtub while Nayeon is undressing Tzuyu. First she needs to treat the small wounds on Tzuyu’s wrist, she doesn't want the soap to sting in it. She puts a cute band-aid with Hello Kitty on the bite marks and gently kisses the thin wrist.

Nayeon adds a bit of bubble bath formula in the warm water and foaming suds start to appear while berry scent fills the air. Nayeon helps Tzuyu with getting in the bathtub and lets go of her hand only after Tzuyu sits down.

Nayeon gets Tzuyu’s favorite bath toys - there is a yellow rubber duck, a wind-up turtle and a glowing jellyfish. Tzuyu pushes the duck around and Nayeon takes a soft washcloth, she is gently running the washcloth over Tzuyu’s arms and chest; she is slow and gentle, the last thing she wants is scaring Tzuyu into another meltdown.

After the long bath Tzuyu feels much better as if the water washed away her stress and anxiety. Not only she feels better but also smaller. Not physically smaller, but mentally. As Tzuyu is waiting for Nayeon to return with a towel, she slowly inches her thumb near her mouth. When Nayeon reappears, she softly removes Tzuyu’s thumb away from her mouth wispering a quick “that’s dirty, honey.” and then wraps Tzuyu in a big towel with clouds on it. Nayeon easily picks her up while Tzuyu starts to suck on Nayeons collar bone. Tzuyu doesn't care where Mama is carrying her, she knows that Nayeon or Mama how she calls her, means safety. No one can be mean to her when she is feeling like Mamas little girl, otherwise Mama will beat them. Nayeon would really beat anyone who is rude toward Tzuyu when she is this vulnerable.

Nayeon goes in their bedroom and puts Tzuyu down on their bed. She is gently drying her hair and blows on the forming bruise on her forehead. She is quite used to seeing Tzuyu harming herself, but it always hurts her heart.

After drying Tzuyu, putting a pull-up on her and dressing her in a nighty, it is time to eat something. Pasta with some sauce sounds good, Tzuyu won't need to chew that much. Nayeon sits Tzuyu down on the kitchen counter and starts cooking. She starts cooking Rotini pasta and opens a jar of Alfredo sauce. Tzuyu is just silently watching her Mama and sucking on her thumb. She isn't hungry, but Mama will coax her into eating at least a small bowl of pasta with the sauce. Tzuyu squirms a bit, but she is too scared to jump off the counter. Nayeon mixes the pasta with sauce and puts it on plates. She lifts Tzuyu again and sits down in the living room. It is easier to make Tzuyu eat when she can watch the TV and have something distracting her.

Tzuyu is comfy. She is warm, the nighty is soft, Mamas arm is wrapped around her waist and she can watch The Emperor's New Groove. Nayeon remembers every word of that movie, Tzuyu wants to watch it all the time.

Nayeon is slowly feeding her the pasta. Slow and steady pace, that's what won't scare her away. Nayeon reaches her hand to grab a blue sippy cup with white hearts, she holds it in front of Tzuyu who takes a long sip of the juice. After dinner Nayeon decides to have a soft dessert, Tzuyu doesn't like cold ice cream, so they have chocolate pudding. Tzuyu is really full after the dessert, she is full and sleepy. Now it is cuddle time.

Nayeon sees Tzuyu is close to falling asleep and she turns off the TV, she carries Tzuyu into their bedroom and puts her down on the bed.

"Do you need to peepee?”

Tzuyu shakes her head, no and Nayeon strokes her hair. Tzuyu grabs her gray teddybear and brings the fluffy fabric closer to her face. The stuffed bear smells like strawberries, Chaeyoung gave her it as a surprise. Nayeon pushes a light blue pacifier between her lips to prevent Tzuyu from sucking on her lips or fingers. During the workdays when Tzuyu needs to act "normal", she pushes her real behavior away and during weekends she acts the way she wants, and sometimes it means bitting her or Nayeon. Occasionally Nayeon feels like a teething toy, she even tried teething toys, but Tzuyu didn't like them.

Nayeon brings a new pair of fluffy socks and puts them on Tzuyu’s little feet, now her baby is warm and Nayeon lies down. She knows what is coming next; Tzuyu will lie down on the top of her. Nayeon is going to wait until Tzuyu falls asleep and then carefully move her. It will take a while.

One of Nayeon’s hand is rubbing Tzuyu’s back while her second hand plays with Tzuyus soft hair. The pacifier is slowly bobbing between her lips and Nayeon is watching her peaceful face. Tzuyu is so calm, the ruckus inside her head is gone, the itching underneath her skin is also gone. Nayeon watches how Tzuyu’s eyes close and her breathing is slower. Nayeon waits for half an hour before gently grabbing her hips and moving her on the bed next to her. Nayeon is still for a moment, she is waiting and observing Tzuyu if she doesn't wake up. Tzuyu’s slumber is deep, she doesn't even budge.

It is too early for Nayeon to fall asleep. She puts one AirPod in her ear and takes her phone. She starts to catch up with Jeongyeon and Jihyo, stroking Tzuyu’s small hand until she starts feeling sleepy. Nayeon puts her phone away and checks on Tzuyu for the last time before closing her eyes.

[dameronology]

Cassian angst. Cassian angst. Cassian angst. CASSIAN ANDOR ANGST. Now, as much as I love fluff and smut, please I’m begging for some Cassian angst! Please break my heart🥴🥴 Maybe with the prompt "i love you. i've always loved you."🫣 Thank you and have an amazing day!!🫶🫶🫶

i'm sat in the library at uni rn and i should be writing my dissertation but i remembered this in my inbox and couldn't stop thinking about it

Cassian hadn't meant to piss you off.

But, if there was one thing he had learnt over the course of your relationship, it was that he never meant to piss you off. The intention was absent but the action was...well, it was present. And pretty fucking constant. He didn't often think about his actions (and even less about the things he said) and more often than not, you found yourselves with locked horns and bitter words. It got to the point where people in the Rebellion would tip-toe around the pair of you just for fear of being caught in the middle of it.

You wouldn't have described yourselves as enemies, not by any stretch of the imagination. Friends was a strong word too. Then again, there didn't seem to be a specific term for co-workers who have been each other's partner in crime for like five years and really admire each other and probably wanna fuck but also there's tension and-

-you probably get the point.

You were only in Cassian's life by circumstance, as he was in yours. The Rebellion forced you together and even though you'd always had the option to work alone or partner up with someone else, you never strayed from his side.

Even when you argued constantly. Even when Cassian pulled the dumbest shit.

"You could have at least asked me before you attacked the base!" you hadn't meant to yell. He just brought it out of you. "There were Storm Troopers everywhere-"

"- I don't need your permission!" Cassian cut you off. "I knew what I was doing. I made it out alive, didn't I?"

"Because of luck, Cass," you muttered. "Dumb fucking luck."

He snorted, rolling his eyes and pointing to you. "You wanna talk about dumb luck?"

"Cut the snide comments," you snapped. "You can't keep avoiding the point I'm making - we're partners and you keep making stupid decisions on your own!"

"So even if I made them with you, they'd still be stupid?"

"Yeah, but we'd be making them together."

"I don't get your logic," he muttered.

"We're meant to be a team," you quietly said. "I've worked with you for the better part of five years. I've tried so hard and sometimes it feels like you don't even like me."

"Hey," Cassian's voice went soft all of a sudden. "That's not true-"

"- I can take the yelling and insults, okay?" you continued. "I just can't deal with you not trusting me in the field. That just feels insulting, like you don't trust me-"

"- I trust you with my life," he cut you off. "More than anyone or anything."

"So why do you act like you hate me?" you pushed.

"I don't hate you..."

"What is it then?" you huffed. "What could possibly make you act like I'm your worst fucking enemy-"

"- I love you," he said. "I've always loved you."

"You do?"

"It seems as though there is a fine line between love and hate and how it makes someone act, but I have never been more sure of where I stand," Cassian admitted. "Do you ever see me arguing with anyone the way I do with you? Trying to protect them that way, or care about them that way?"

"No. I don't."

"There you go, then," he smiled. "I love you."

[waltwhitmansbeard]

14. A kiss so desperate that the two wind around each other, refusing to let go until they are finished and/or 39. Kissing tears from the other’s face with keyleth/vax please? Preferably hurt/comfort 😁

39. Kissing tears from the other’s face. setting this in vamp machina!

Vax has a complicated relationship with sleeping at night. A year ago, he would never—the night is when his kind bloom like jasmine, when they venture forth into the world and pretend, as best they can, that they have lives to live. Sleeping at night would be throwing away his only chance to get fresh air, to walk the streets, to see the ways the world has changed during the day.

But not now. Now, he lives for nights like these, tangled up with her under the cover of darkness. Keyleth must sleep, and so he will sleep alongside her, if only to share this, the one normal thing between them. His sleep is often fitful—it is unnatural for him, even with all these months of practice—but he would rather throw himself into the sunlight than rouse her for any reason, so he focuses his energies on staying asleep for as long as he can.

Which is why it's such a surprise when he wakes up to find the room still dark and the bed beside him empty. He sits up, rubbing at his eyes. "Kiki?"

She doesn't say anything, but he finds her anyway, his vampiric vision honed for this kind of darkness. She's curled up on the floor beneath the window, her knees pulled to her chest. The blinds are pulled up just a fraction of an inch, and she stares out into the city, the faint scars littering her arms glinting in the sliver of moonlight. She is as still as a statue and as quiet as a ghost.

He pushes off of the bed, approaches her slowly, quietly, as one might a trapped animal. "Keyleth?"

She doesn't face him. "I'm okay. Go back to sleep." Her voice is even, monotone, dead.

As if he would. He kneels down in front of her. "I...I don't want to touch you, if that's not what you want." He can taste the salt in the air before he sees it, the single tear tripping down her cheek. "But if it's okay with you, can I...?" He hovers a hand near the arms bound around her shins.

She swallows thickly and nods, and he rests his hand on her forearm. More tears tumble from her eyes. Her skin is cold—how long has she been sitting like this? "Are you in pain? Are you hurting?" A miniscule shake of the head. "Okay. Is...is it—"

"Vax." The name is a whisper. She turns to look at him now, and her face is a lake, perfectly calm on the surface but alive, just below. She's been crying for some time, he can tell. "You can't fix it. I'm so sorry, but..." Her voice hitches. "...you just can't fix it."

And she's right, and hates himself for it. "I know I can't. I'm so, so sorry that I can't fix this." Slowly, he leans in, places a hand on the side of her face. He gives her the space to do so, but she doesn't pull away. "Can you talk about it?"

Her eyes flick back to the window. "I could feel it. In my dream. The pain and the...the teeth." His stomach is a stone, a knotted rope, a ship at sea. "I wanted to go onto the fire escape, to be outside, but..." A new wave of tears spill beneath his fingers. "...all I could think about was, what if they were out there?" The sentence cracks halfway through, and her face is finally starting to crumble. "What if I can never go outside again? What if they've trapped me in here just like I was trapped with them, and I—and I—" She's breathing fast and heavy now, and he pulls her in, tucks her head into the crook of his neck and lets her fall apart.

There is no word good enough to describe this. Not rage, not heartbreak, not sorrow, not agony. There is only the floating, sinking, endless horror of knowing that he has failed her, knowing that she suffers because of his actions, knowing that he has countless days ahead of them and they will not be enough to put right what he allowed to go so astonishingly wrong. She is haunted now, his sunshine girl, afflicted with shadows of her own, and he gave them to her. It is inconceivable to him that she even tolerates his presence, let alone requests it, but her fist is twisted into his shirtfront, and she makes no move to pull away from him.

So he wraps his arms around her and keeps her in close, a hand on the back of her head. She shakes with the force of her sobs, and he does his best to buoy her through it, to keep her head afloat in the storm. After a few minutes, her crying quiets, and he gently pushes her from him just enough to get his hands on either side of her face. He kisses her tears and murmurs, "Do you know how much I love you? How in awe I am of you every day? I wish you didn't need the strength that I see in you, but fuck, I'm so glad you have it."

She shakes her head. "I'm not, I don't—"

"You do. You do. I don't know how many lifetimes I'll live but I know that in all of them I will never meet a person who astounds me like you do. Keyleth, I know this is hard, and I know it's scary, and I know it feels like you're not going to make it through, but you are, and you're not going to do it alone. Love, please don't ever hide in the shadows, not from me. I will always, always, always be here when the dreams get bad and the nights get long. I will sit with you, in the cold, on the floor, until the sun rises in your eyes again, if that's what it takes, because I have every faith in the world that you will see the other side of this pain."

Her eyes slide closed, and her exhaustion is staggering. He continues to kiss her cheeks, her eyelids, her nose, her forehead, until the tears finally begin to slow. He whispers, "Can I take you back to bed now?"

"Please."

And though it is merely feet away, still he gingerly scoops her up, carries her in his arms to the bed. Instead of setting her down, he sits, pulls her against him as he lays them down together. Her face is buried in his shirt, now wet with her tears, and he keeps his arms tight around her torso, hoping that, for now, they are enough to keep her shattered pieces from blowing away into the night air.

[bklynmusicnerd]

"Yeah, but in a relationship, any relationship. It's important to let the other person know you appreciate them so that you don't create barriers that delay any hope for reciprocation" - Jess Mariano (Gilmore Girls)

I originally wrote this GG quote down because I thought it'd be good for an analysis of Spencer's daddy issues but I feel like there's probably endless discussions about Spencer's trauma going on right now, so I'm repurposing it for some analysis on Trina's repressed trauma and how that coincides with her character archetype of classical heroine.

I think it's important to discuss that Trina's perspective in that argument (possible precursor breakup lol), while far more logical than Spencer, was also just as shaped by her trauma as Spencer's pov was.

I landed on classical heroine as Trina's archetype because it felt the closest to how she's perceived and treated by the characters around her. Trina is characterized as wise beyond her years, deeply empathetic, intelligent, selfless, and brave/proactive.

Whenever characters in Trina's orbit describe her as "special" or "extraordinary", they're typically referring to one of these classical heroine elements she exhibits. It keeps coming back to what Taggert said, she's the daughter of a healer and a strategist but at her core, Trina is a rescuer who leads with her heart and wants to save the world.

Trina's desire (or maybe even compulsion 👀) to save shapes every single one of her relationships. All classical heroine descriptions come down to the core elements of bravery and sacrifice. First thing about Trina that Spencer falls in love with? Her bravery when she chases him out of the gallery. What Trina was actually doing at the gallery? Prioritizing checking on Ava over her graduation party because she wanted to make sure she was okay. Sacrifice. I'm zeroing in on these two qualities for Trina's archetype because they speak to how Spencer perceives Trina (both the good and the bad of that) and they speak to what Trina convinces herself she's obligated to do for the people she cares about. Trina's idea of love is rooted in sacrifice. It's something that keeps coming up for her. She always goes back to utilitarianism, the greater good.

She puts her desires/needs last, especially if she thinks doing so will make the people she loves happy. She absolutely views that as a method of saving people. It also often becomes a method of avoiding the reality that the trauma she experiences impacts her. For Trina, her trauma is an inconvenience, a nuisance, a burden. Her default is to be the steady and stable presence for others.

The second Spencer framed this entire demon spawn situation as "protecting his baby brother" and started flipping out over his inability to do so, Trina went into sacrifice mode for him. She decided that she could endure retriggering herself with the entire Esme situation and how helpless she felt during her drugging and framing, if it meant "saving" Spencer and his demon spawn brother. She told Spencer she was "fine" and she convinced herself the hurt was "worth it" for Spencer's happiness.

This is the part of Trina's perspective that Spencer still can't see. Their relationship just devolved into the similar dynamics of their friendship, where Trina compromised herself to make Spencer happy again and again while she felt increasingly vulnerable and unprotected. The pedestal of heroine is a dangerous thing, and this is often the consequence of embracing the "rescuer" role in a relationship. One's vulnerability/fallibility over time is not considered or remembered.

Trina's slip of "finally" that set Spencer off wasn't just an insensitive mess up, it was a culmination of her biting her tongue until it bled for months about how Spencer's coparenting obsession was hurting her. Spencer is, in general, terrible at recognizing Trina's trauma because he's so myopic about his own but also because Trina has a tendency to push this narrative that it doesn't affect her. She is always "fine" because the people around her need her to be "fine."

Trina is going through her own arc of learning to come to terms with her vulnerability, her fallibility, in accordance with her strength. That it's okay to not always be the steady one, that it's okay to follow her heart, make mistakes and need people. And Spencer was supposed to help her with that.

He was supposed to be one of the few people that she could fall apart around and count on to stay by her side. So as much as Spencer feels betrayed by Trina not being the perfect support system and listening ear in that moment, Trina also felt betrayed by Spencer implying that he would discard her if he needed to.

He once again made her question her faith in him and probably regret every moment she was vulnerable around him. She grew to a point where she admitted she needed him in her life and Spencer turned around and tried to weaponize that in a moment of anger. Spencer lashing out basically sent the message to Trina that she can't count on reciprocity from him. That she can't trust him with her heart after all. She still loves him, but you could see the walls go up again by the end of that conversation.

And this is all coming at a time when Cyrus is also back and retriggering her as well. Her recurring, visceral refusal to be positioned as a "victim" again likely also applies to anything regarding the sociopathic mooch. She will never just be Spencer's ex to Trina. She will always be the girl who drugged her and tried to destroy her life. I think that, plus Trina's concerns about defending herself against Cyrus, have led to Trina reaching her emotional limits on sacrificing for her relationship.

All her triggers coming at her at once forced Trina into self-preservation mode. As much as we love that Spencer genuinely looks up to and respects Trina when she's in classical heroine mode, it's a catch-22 because that same reverence leads Spencer to not process her vulnerability and need for support seriously.

He's been sending a message to her that he's not a consistent safe space for her, he's volatile, he doesn't live up to his words to her, and Trina is reacting to that as much as Spencer is reacting to his own grievances with Nik. Yes, she has classical heroine tendencies, but she's still vulnerable and affected by her traumas. Right now, she is in a moment where she wants to feel safe, and unfortunately, Spencer is not making her feel safe in their relationship.

[lingy910y]

Gallavich Questionnaire

Thank you @energievie for tagging me to do this! I get too unhinged when talking about these two boys, so warning for very elaborate ramblings 🙏

1. What’s a fic you’ve read more than once?

This fic is the prime example of why you should write a fic even if you think nobody’s going to read it, because it’s my favorite gallavich fic even though most people don’t want to read about them getting a divorce. But I do, okay, because a normal break-up doesn’t cut it (especially since we already see those in canon, but post-canon is up to our interpretation) and it’s just more serious. I think they will work out their issues before it gets too far in canon but it just hurts so fucking good. The reason for their divorce is so realistic too, in fact it’s not one but a lot of problems piled on top of each other. They think it’s only going to hurt everyone involved including their children, which is arguably true in context, but they can’t resist each other and it’s this back and forth push. There’s parallels to canon, the writing is so good without being drawn out, and there’s so much nuance, emotion, and subtly hinting at something beneath the surface. The pining is just delicious because it’s not “I don’t know if you feel this way about me” or “I’m not allowed to be with you,” it’s “I want to be with you so badly but I’m trying to resist that because it’s going to hurt everyone.” Then the trying so hard not to care because “we’re over, but you’re in trouble and I’m trying to move on and I’m never going to love someone else like I love you” 😭😭😭 anyway I actually had to stop myself from rereading too often for comfort because it was too much LOL

the author said they were going to update it January of this year so I’ll be patiently waiting 😔

3. What's a headcanon you can't stop thinking about?

You know that post abt how when you're sleepy you imagine your favs sleepy? I keep imagining Ian wrapping their comforter around Mickey like a cocoon when he has a nightmare and cuddling him, it's cute

4. What's a fanart you love looking at?

The first image of this by @gallavichonly JUST GETS ME SO FERAL. THEIR FUCKING EXPRESSIONS.

5. What’s an idea you’d love to create if you had the time/inspiration?

I want to draw a character concept art sheet for their outfits/weapons/mechanics for kinda a zombie apocalypse AU. Designing that sounds fun but I need to research more

6. What’s something you’ve discovered since entering this fandom? A new trope you love? A different analysis of the show? Something else?

The jealousy trope, especially jealous Mickey. I guess in other fandoms, people write jealousy in a really possessive, cringy way. Not saying gallavich aren't possessive as fuck but at least they earned it, you know? There's too many ships where one of them is breathing down the other person's love interest's neck but they don't even know you exist, like calm down 😭 Meanwhile gallavich tease and try to get each other to admit it first, and Mickey is biting his tongue trying not to say anything and then "Fucking cheat on me, Ian?!", "Whatcha doin' here then?" AND THEIR EXPRESSIONS WHEN THEY EACH SAY "WHEN YOU KNOW, YOU KNOW" ARUGHHHHHH I'M SO GONE

7. What’s an underrated trope or concept you’d like to see more of?

Touched on this earlier but basically the more tragic/gritty ones—a huge argument, break-ups, unrequited love, falling out of love, hanahaki, amnesia, MCD...

10. What scene or moment do you feel isn’t discussed enough?

Eh I think we've dissected the shit out of every scene lmao, but probably their s4 reunion? The lap dance?

11. What line/dialogue/description from something else (a poem, a book, a tv show, a movie, or something else) do you feel describes Ian and Mickey’s relationship?

Obviously "I'll take care of you. / It's rotten work. / Not to me. Not if it's you."

12. What do you think is next for Ian and Mickey post-finale?

I want Ian to go back to being an EMT no matter what :( but their current security gig fits Mickey a lot. Ian also gets really into gardening, he'll be so good to the point where he'll be known in the neighborhood. And Mickey has a little hobby for drawing. They'll adopt a pitbull because Mickey was actually enthusiastic about that idea, which meets Ian halfway by still giving him something to take care of. Now for the elephant in the room: I think it's okay if Mickey never wants a kid, and there's a lot of issues ingrained in them that unless they go to therapy for a couple of years, hinder them from becoming perfect parents tbh. Now I'm not saying they'll be bad, but will their best be enough? Will they be content? Idk, I don't have any experience and I see them with more issues/flaws than the majority of the fandom? Honestly I just don't see that future for them (but I do enjoy kid AUs because who doesn't.) They'll stay on the West Side because I want them to get out but not stray too far from their family. I also can't think about them getting old or I'll sob, but I wrote a fic about how they'll retire and just live comfortably because it's what they deserve, and they'll take tons of vacations when they save up enough money.

oh my god that was way too much but in my defense i rarely get to rant abt them ok!! anyway now that I went through the whole spectrum of emotions, i'm tagging @michellemisfit, @lupeloto, @jademickian & @softmick 🚶‍♀️

[frankierohugejorts]

i just read a lukewarm review of the kevin can fuck himself finale and im so irritated like, i know not everyone has to like everything i like, but i feel like im allowed to be irked if the criticism misses a key point of the work

like to quote the article directly:

Kevin Can F**k Himself sends a clear message: We need to believe victims even if we can't understand the insidious and often invisible tools of oppression -- the gaslighting, the financial abuse -- and acknowledge we're not able to walk a mile in their shoes. But what is a TV show if not an opportunity to wear a fictional character's shoes? Hints throughout the series attempt to justify Allison's, shall we say, "unconventional" approach to leaving Kevin. He has spent all their savings without her consent, he reported her car stolen when she didn't answer her phone. And season 2 adds a parallel plot about Allison's aunt Diane (Jamie Denbo) failing to flee her own abusive husband, as an obvious counterpoint to the "why doesn't she just leave" camp. But because the Kevin we see isn't the Kevin Allison knows, it's like slipping our feet into Allison's shoes and then listening to her describe what walking feels like, without ever rising from the McRoberts' floral couch ourselves.

but like. the article literally negates its own critiques before it even presents them. the show is telling us to believe victims and acknowledge we're not able to walk a mile in their shoes. and yet this article all but demands we be allowed to be voyeurs to the worst moments of the abuse kevin inflicted on allison, as though we're entitled to all the salacious details of her trauma in return for deigning to believe her.

there is a reason we didn't get to see kevin outside of the sitcom format until the last possible moment. kevin knows his audiences. he knows what he can get away with, how far he can push, and he knows how to use his audiences to his advantage. when kevin has an audience, he knows that not only will his emotional abuse of allison be brushed off as "just a joke", but the approval of the audience - be it neil, pete, or the laughtrack - will affirm for him the idea that it's all okay because it is a joke, and it is funny when kevin is cruel to allison, and that anyone who doesn't agree is just some boring bastard with no sense of humor.

the use of the sitcom format isn't just to point out the sitcom-wife's plight, it's there to make us aware of our roles as audience members and witnesses and enablers of abuse. we are not characters, and that positions us firmly alongside the studio audience/laughtrack - uncoincidentally the last piece of kevin's audience to abandon him. we are not allison. we are not walking a mile in allison's shoes. we are the 'friends' and acquaintances who don't see the worst of it.

pete and neil - the other two main members of kevin's audience - were not only aware of kevin's abuse of allison, they were active enablers of it. they only abandoned kevin when they'd had enough of being mistreated themselves.

meanwhile, the show's audience is analogous to the friends who are being manipulated by kevin, who still laugh when kevin makes a cruel "joke" about allison; not personally participating in the abuse, but still denying that it's actually abuse, insisting that he must be just joking, because all they ever see are the "jokes." and as members of that audience, allison can tell us ways she's being abused, but we haven't seen any "actual" abuse firsthand, so we still spend time with kevin and have fun with him and laugh at his jokes, and even if we start to feel uncomfortable when those 'jokes' are at allison's expense, we still laugh because everyone else is laughing, and even if we don't laugh, we still definitely don't call him out on it.

when allison confronts him in the finale, the studio audience still laughs along with him at first, still gasps as though surprised when she says she wants a divorce, and only finally switches sides when she stands up to him and resists his attempt to manipulate her.

and it's not until that last moment, when all of his allies - including us - have abandoned him and his control over allison has disappeared, that we finally get to see who he is behind closed doors. he's backed into a corner now, with nothing left to lose. no one is laughing anymore, so there's no point in continuing to pretend it's all a joke. everyone has already turned on him. it doesn't matter how he behaves right now. he just needs to wrestle back control. he can worry about how it looks later, when he's got the power back and has the space to rationalize and gaslight and darvo himself back into being the good guy.

also, i'm so pissed at "Hints throughout the series attempt to justify Allison's, shall we say, "unconventional" approach to leaving Kevin."

hints? hints?! attempt to justify? as though simply walking out on him would be easier or safer? he not only controls their finances, but has also squandered their entire life savings without telling her. because of his gaslighting, she has limited to no access to a car. when she had a decent, decently-paying job that she was succeeding at, he got her fired by intentionally destroying her boss's car. he manipulated her into quitting college. he isolated her so completely that she interacts with almost no one outside his circle of friends (and allies). he once escalated a "feud" with the mailwoman into intentionally getting her deported. he went on a smear campaign of his "friend" that resulted in her boyfriend of 3 years dumping her because she ate a hamburger without him. he has a history of arson, including setting fire to the lawn of a neighbor he doesn't like. he's a local celebrity. (as far as we know) he's never been physically violent towards her, but when he gave her a black eye accidentally he showed no remorse and was actually upset with her for not acting like it never happened. he blackmailed his wife's aunt, threatening to tell her violent husband she was cheating on him (with neil, his best friend, whose safety he was also entirely unconcerned with). he shot someone with an unregistered gun and the cops responded by going to a party in his honor. (in fact, his pull with the cops is so strong that being mrs. kevin got allison out of a dui.) he's constantly putting her down, reminding her that she's pathetic and could never be without him.

and that's all his behavior before she's ever stood up to him. when she told him she was divorcing him, he responded by threatening to destroy her (something he's already successfully done to more than one person), plotting revenge (which, for him, often involves violence or the threat of violence), and setting fire to her belongings.

i can see how ppl would object to murder, but honestly, how would having the desire to fake your own death to avoid that be unjustifiable?

[orange-orchard-system]

Hello, I'm a questioning median(?) looking for advice if that's alright. Sometimes a voice in my head will start repeating short words or phrases over and over (common ones including "i love you", "i hate you", "i hate myself", "what if i died", and "stay away from me"), which I call "echo" or "the echoes".

They often appear when I'm feeling guilt or shame or remembering something uncomfortable. They're somewhat overwhelming but sometimes seem to be trying to communicate something?

The main problem is I don't know if the echoes are intrusive thoughts, coming from myself, are a separate person (or people ?) of some kind, or something else entirely, which makes it difficult to figure out how to respond to them, and my thoughts often get a bit muddy if i try.

addendum to last ask about the echoes: other common phrases are "kill", "I'm sorry", "it's okay" and "normal" and they sometimes feel like they're trying to talk over whatever memory or train of thought I'm having, or to cut it off.

Hm... this sounds more like intrusive thoughts than internal communication to me, but there's a chance it could be other headmates trying to talk, especially if you consider the possibility that your thoughts "getting muddy" when you try to figure things out could be dissociation (like how some systems report experiencing it whenever they get too close to discovering their plurality). We have some headmates who often mimic intrusive thoughts, so I know just how difficult it can be to tell the difference between the two.

Unfortunately, I can't say for certain one way or the other. But whichever one it is, it may help if you take a moment to acknowledge the thoughts, even if it's just a "Yes, I hear you, but I'm busy with something else right now." For headmates, you're acknowledging their presence and attempts to communicate, which will help establish a basis for any further communication and growth. For intrusive thoughts, it can help to face them head-on; by accepting them and then letting them go, you can reduce the effect they have on you. The best way I can describe how it works for us is that... it's like holding something that bothers you, identifying and saying what it is that bothers you about it, and then putting it down and consciously deciding that you won't let it affect your whole day. Which can be easier said than done, I admit, but building a habit of it can make it easier to accomplish.

Occasionally, this method can cause some hiccups with developing internal communication, since it does require shutting down a lot of potential conversations rather than letting them play out, but I've yet to find a better method for dealing with both possibilities.

If it does turn out to be headmates, or if you have other reasons to suspect that these echoes are headmates, then I'd recommend taking things slow. As mentioned above, your thoughts "getting muddy" could be dissociation, which in this case could be an indicator that you're not ready (or at least, your brain or headmates don't think you're ready) to start unpacking your plurality yet. So, if you choose to explore the possibility of systemhood further, be careful and take care of yourself, okay? Don't rush things, don't push too hard for answers, take your time in figuring things out, and check in with yourself every once in a while to see if you're doing okay. Discovering you're a system can be a draining and emotional time – and even if you turn out not to be one, questioning is its own quest to handle, so it's best to take pit stops along the way.

I hope this helps!