#our favourite hypocrite <33< /div> Explore tagged Tumblr posts

[thatoneweirdo14]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LU GUANGGGG

To celebrate, I will post every ss I have taken of him smiling while I watched the show for the first time This is for you baby boy 🫶💙

[borgialucrezia]

Hi, so this question suddenly popped up in my mind and I can't stop thinking about it. And since you're my favourite The Borgias blogger, I've decided to ask you.

Do you think Juan ever learned any details about Lucrezia's first marriage? Did he know or suspect what a horrible experience it was for her? Like, the way her divorce with Sforza was brought to pass, he should've had some questions, right? I just wonder... Did he try to talk to Lucrezia and she refused? Did it became another point of disconnect between them & on contrast with her and Cesare becoming even closer no less? It must've hurt him a great deal.

I don't know where I'm going with this, it's just a speculation really but I would love to hear your thoughts on the matter. Thanks <333

first, it makes me happy that i'm one of your favorite borgia blogs anon so thank you <33

now let's get into the answer;

i don't think juan ever knew tbh? aside from that interesting moment when he and cesare were welcoming sforza to the vatican, and juan couldn't even hide his disgust while he was saying the part "and our sister shall soon be yours" to giovanni, which says a lot that he's as displeased as cesare with lucrezia's marriage, but they have no choice but obey their father, obviously lol

also, knowing how protective juan gets and always in attack mode when someone wrongs or tries to have their way with her or their mother, even with misguided notions. for instance, he attacked his mother's husband after he called her 'dear', because he took it as an offense and triggered his fight-or-flight instinct to protect her and defend the family's honor (likely also to cover up his insecurity about potentially not being a borgia, but born of a peasant).

similarly, when juan and lucrezia were hanging out and paolo got very close to her, juan felt defensive of his, to quote juan, "angelic sister", like a guard dog. his aggressiveness is also because he was forced into the role of the family's protector and took it to the extreme to prove himself a true borgia. he rightfully saw paolo as a threat who wanted to sabotage his sister and cause her a scandal, unlike cesare who knew that paolo was a source of solace to lucrezia while she was suffering from her husband's abuse.

now let's circle back to if juan knew about giovanni sforza and how he treated lucrezia or or not. i don't think he ever did because lucrezia doesn't confide in anyone but cesare. everything juan does for lucrezia to make her happy just, unfortunately, backfires - like the play he directed for her wedding that ended up making her husband angry and assaulting her, or his attempt to protect her from someone he thought wanted to take advantage of her, or the panther he brought her to win her respect but that ended up biting her. their disconnection is a main theme about their dynamic.

he adores his mother and she seems fond of him, but she doesn't see her son's pain as they're not that connected, unlike how vanozza is with lucrezia and cesare. and his father indulges him only to use him as someone whom he relives his youth through, yet keeps him out of everything while pressuring him with massive expectations and threatening him with cesare's hypercompetence. he's always clashing with cesare, yet tried to elicit some sort of admission or expression of brotherly love from him, only to be told directly that he doesn't like him much.

at the end of the day, juan is a very lonely and sad person who has fallen into hedonism as an escape from his misery, because he does not feel genuinely liked or included by his family for who he is since he doesn't measure up to his family's standards no matter how hard he tries. to reference what david oakes said, his family were just picking up on him and hypocritically judging him when he genuinely does what he thinks is right for the people he loves so much and wanted to be included with; he always had their best interests at heart, but they've always pushed him away.

he was obviously very flawed as a person, and sometimes he's short-sighted and a dangerous combination of reactive behaviors and rage. also, losing his sister's respect forever for something he thought was good for her made him lose all faith in love, compassion, and even sanity, since he considered her an ideal of those terms. and when he tried one last time to confess to his brother and give his heart to him, he met his untimely fate.

[asset35-maya]

.When the party’s over.

>REINITIALISING…

>ALL SYSTEMS ONLINE

>WIRELESS CHARGING: 69%

>RK900 SYSTEM HEALTH: STABLE

>24H FILE RECOVERY: 45%

Nines slowly regained consciousness. He was lying on his side and everything around him was quiet.

>ENVIRONMENTAL SCAN IN PROGRESS…

>THREAT ANALYSIS IN PROGRESS…

Layers of fabric covered his body and something soft and warm was pressed against his face. Eyes still shut, he nudged it gently with his nose and it emitted a low vibration.

>2% THREAT DETECTED: FELINE SUBJECT

The cat sprang upwards and hopped off the surface that Nines was lying on. It was ostensibly a bed, but Nines didn’t own any furniture apart from a couch and work table. The logical conclusion was that he was not in his own apartment.

>RUN LOCALISATION PROGRAM: Y/N?

>Y

>ERROR: PROGRAM FAILED TO EXECUTE

>ERROR: MEMORY FILE CORRUPTION

Nines had no absolutely recollection of his whereabouts or how he had arrived. He had not been compromised as his system health was stable, so there was probably another reason for being completely disoriented. It was voluntary.

He had gotten the android equivalent of blackout drunk.

It was not the first time and he feared it would not be the last. Such were the hard-partying ways of his friends and colleagues. They were all terrible influences. He loved them dearly, but they were terrible.

At 6PM every Friday, Chen and Miller would start things off rather innocently. “Hey there’s a new brewery downtown.” Or “My bartender cousin just hooked us up with a thirty percent discount!”

From there it wouldn’t take long for the DPD’s resident frat boys Connor and Gavin to gather a steady crowd of officers and check out the venue. If the vibes were good (which they almost always were), Sixty would get wind of things. Then the rest of the frat house would descend and total chaos would reign until the break of dawn.

SWAT Unit 32 was famous for its particularly destructive brand of revelry. Skinny dipping in private swimming pools, scaling skyscraper rooftops and causing media scandals were all par for the course. The day after Captain Allen’s birthday, the DPD crew spent the entirety of their bonuses to repair the collapsed ceiling of the Eden Club.

Nines couldn’t remember how he exactly he was coopted into the madness. Probably peer pressure. Connor insisted that he try thirium alcohol. Sixty said that he would regret being a loser and not joining them. Gavin had just held out a hand and double-winked. That did the trick.

One night blended into another and soon Nines had worked up quite a reputation of his own. He was the Casanova of the homicide department. The handsome devil… the hunter… the sex god. People would actually come by his desk and congratulate him on Monday morning.

Nines hated it but he couldn’t stop himself from doing the same thing over and over. Perhaps it was the appreciative clap on the shoulder from Gavin the morning after Sixty posted photos of a high-end Traci model giving Nines his very first lap dance.

Life at the DPD was the epitome of work hard, play hard. It seemed like one big party but deep down Nines knew they were all just slaves to their compulsions. He wondered whether it was because they needed to celebrate every demon they vanquished or whether they needed to wipe the troubling memories of doing so.

In Nines case, there were definitely things he needed to kill within himself. Some were nightmare inducing crime scenes, but some were memories so heart-wrenchingly sweet that he thought he might self-destruct if he were to dwell on them too long. There were things he couldn’t have and things he needed to erase from his brain.

Something touched his face gently.

>PERIPHERAL OBJECT DETECTED: HUMAN HAND

>THREAT ANALYSIS: NON-COMBATIVE

The hair on his forehead was brushed aside and fingers ran over his features. A thumb swept over his bottom lip and caressed his cheek.

Nines couldn’t bring himself to open his eyes and come face to face with his most recent conquest. He lay still, frozen with regret as the hand continued to stroke his face.

The hand travelled down his neck and fell upon his chest. Nines caught it abruptly. It wasn’t even the month-end and his savings were badly depleted. He couldn’t afford round two. He retracted the synth skin down to his wrist and prepared the electronic payment credentials.

Fingers merely intertwined with his.

“Just take your money and go. I’ll tip extra if you delete everything from your hard drive.”

“What the phck are you talking about?”

Nines eyes flew open. Steel blue met storm green.

>SYSTEM ALERT: THIRIUM PUMP OVERLOAD

“Fuck!”

“Wow that’s flattering.”

Nines pinched the bridge of his nose and shut his eyes in a vain attempt to remember what had led to this absolute, unmitigated disaster.

“What the hell happened last night?”

Gavin looked affronted.

“You ruined our housewarming for one.”

>MEMORY ARCHIVE SEARCH: housewarming, Gavin

>RESULT: TEXT MESSAGE RECEIVED FROM “G.REED” IN GROUPCHAT “CLUBBERCOPS”, 15:33 18 JULY 2040: Assholes. Party at our new place. Next Friday. From seven till LATE. Bring booze, bring bitches. Nah. Actually, don’t. Our landlord’s a bastard and we already got three noise complaints.

>RESULT: TEXT MESSAGE RECEIVED FROM “CONMAN” IN GROUPCHAT “CLUBBERCOPS”, 15:34 18 JULY 2040: Yeah we should keep this one PG. Bring food if you wanna eat. This mf can’t cook and I don’t care to. See y’all!!

Oh right. Fuck. Gavin’s housewarming. Gavin and Connor’s housewarming. His two closest friends who were somehow even closer to one another. Nines hadn’t realised until it was far too late and there was nothing for him to do but smother the bitterness with his favourite coping mechanisms: android alcohol and paid sex.

The circumstances definitely explained the state he was in, but things still didn’t add up.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Did we… did we…”

“No. Nothing happened between us. You were completely shitfaced. I just put you to bed to stop you from embarrassing yourself.”

Nines looked up at the ceiling, struggling to put the pieces together. His system offered him no useful prompts. The fermented thirium had done its job of code corruption extremely well. He looked back down and met the green eyes focused on him with deep concern.

“What did I do?”

“Sixty has videos, but I don’t think you want to see them. God, Nines… why didn’t you just tell me?”

“I’m really sorry, Gavin. I didn’t mean to ruin your night… and Connor’s.”

“He’s fine. He and Sixty moved the crew to Hank’s place. Which is what we should have done in the first place… there’s really no point throwing a party in this shoebox and telling people like Tina Chen to be quiet. Honestly if it wasn’t you it would have been her bringing the house down. Good thing they had all of Michigan Drive to tear up. Hank’s neighbours can sleep though a bombing.”

“What did I do?”

Gavin put his hand back on Nines’ face, his expression unintelligible. The human touched him often enough, but never like this. Never so intimately. Nines forced down the twisting sensation in his torso. He couldn’t get his hopes up. This was pity.

Nines braced himself to hear the worst. He prepared for the shredding of all his dignity and the collapse of his falsely extroverted and confident identity.

What came though was a soft press of lips to his forehead.

“It wasn’t pretty and I wish it hadn’t happened like that, but I think it was a long time coming… I’ve never seen you so emotional before. I’m sorry I didn’t notice anything all this while.”

“Gavin, please.”

“I’m going to focus on the positives, because really… there were a LOT of negatives. Oh boy. You… uh…”

“Gavin.”

The detective dipped his head and looked away.

“Phck, I shouldn’t be so embarrassed…

You told me you loved me.”

Nines closed his eyes. That was it. He should quit his job and move to another state. Hell, he should go to Cyberlife and request a factory reset on compassionate grounds.

“I’m so sorry. I… I should leave.”

He made to sit up, but was pushed back into the mattress. Gavin curled into his side.

“Nah. You’re good.”

“What?”

“You threw up on my plants and smashed Connor’s RA9 sculpture, buuuut you’re good.”

“I don’t understand.”

Gavin wrapped his arms around Nines and edged closer until the android was forced to turn on his side and reciprocate.

“What do you think, genius? If a guy like me doesn’t throw a guy like you out of the house after all that… what does it mean?”

“That you have a high tolerance for toxic friendships?”

“It means I want you to stick around, dipshit.”

>SYSTEM ALERT: THIRIUM PUMP RATE FLUCTUATIONS. OVERLOAD IMMINENT.

“You mean you like me?”

“Of course I do! I always have, but it never seemed right to bring it up. We’re actually really good friends. I didn’t think it would be possible when we first met but we have so much in common.”

“Bad habits for sure.”

“Come on, Nines. We’ve had a really great time together. Some of my best memories at the DPD are with you. Don’t ever quote me on it but you’re a phcking amazing partner. Can’t believe you thought I had something going with Connor when it’s always been you.

So yeah, I do like you. And I’m willing to try… I dunno… being with you. Like for real.

Stop drinking like that, though. I know I’m a hypocrite but you really scared me last night. I lost my Dad and I nearly lost Hank to the bottle. You might be this super advanced android, but that liquid courage shit is a death trap, man.”

>SYSTEM ERROR: THIRIUM PUMP AT MAX FLOW RATE. PUMP OVERLOAD. REDUCE PRESSURE IMMEDIATELY!

Nines nodded quickly and blinked away the tears that welled up in his eyes. Gavin grasped the android’s chin and tipped his face down gently. Their eyes fluttered shut simultaneously and their lips met.

>SYSTEM RECOVERY MESSAGE: THIRIUM PUMP FUNCTIONALITY RESTORED

They broke apart after several golden moments and Gavin hugged Nines tightly under the sheets.

“What am I supposed to say to the others? I don’t think I can look any of them in the eye ever again.”

“Are you serious? You got nothing on the insanity that bunch is capable of. Sixty thinks he’s hot shit with his blackmail material, but I got receipts that’ll glue his mouth shut for decades. Anyway, that’s what friends are meant to be like. You have dirt on each other but you’re not meant to use it.

The same applies to us too, by the way. Don’t feel like you gotta be… apologetic about what happened last night. Yeah, you better replace my fancy new plants but I’ll never judge you for what happened. I want you to know that I’ll always be in your corner, Nines.”

Nines hummed thoughtfully and ran a hand though Gavin’s hair, marvelling at the fact that he could now do so whenever he wanted. He didn’t say anything in response, and just settled for cuddling closer to the human.

>>RK900 SYSTEM HEALTH: EXCELLENT

[vaguelyominouscoconuts]

When the Stars Collide

Laying comfortably on a blanket, Lina stared at the night sky. It was one of the rare nights that it wasn’t cloudy enough to obstruct the view. Not only that, but the power was out across the entire city. Lina planned to make full use of this opportunity. Breathtaking blues and purples swirled in her vision. Reflected in her eyes was a universe of twinkling stars, each one burning almost as passionately as she was. This was Lina’s favourite activity. Gazing into the vast expanse of open space, tracing constellations with her finger, she felt at peace. Lina was lost in her thoughts when a call came from inside.

 “Madrina!” Cathy called, sticking her head out the door. “It’s really late. Aren’t you going to come to bed?”

 “Wow,” Lina replied dramatically. “You? Telling someone to go to bed? I never thought I’d see the day!”

 Cathy rolled her eyes, but there was a smile on her face. “Ha ha, I’m a hypocrite. I know. Will you at least just come inside? It’s freezing out there.”

 “Hmm.” Catalina pretended to thing for a moment. “No.”

 “If you get sick, I won’t help you hide it from Jane-“

 “NO.” Jane could be a bit… overbearing, to put it lightly, when one of the others was sick. The sickness she had contracted that led to her death in her first life resulted in her being extremely serious about health. Lina did NOT want to deal with a worried Jane. In fact, the only thing worse was angry Jane. “I’m coming!”

 With a smug look on her face, Cathy watched as Lina neatly folded the blanket she had been laying on and tucked it under her arm. As she walked inside, Cathy handed her a flashlight. “We don’t want to waste the battery on our phones. Just in case.” Cathy said when Lina raised an eyebrow.

 As she walked to put the blanket in the wash, Lina could hear muffled giggles emanating from the living room. After dealing with the blanket, she went to investigate. Using her flashlight to scan the room, Lina came across a large mass of blankets and pillows. The laughs were very clearly coming from underneath. She raised one of the blankets and stuck her light inside the makeshift cave, only to be met with a yelp of

 “Hey! Are you trying to blind me?” Kat was rubbing her eyes. With her were Jane, Anne, and Anna, all sitting in a circle.

 “Is this… is this a blanket fort?” Lina asked.

 “Well duh.” Replied Kat. “What else are you supposed to do during a power outage?”

 “We are grown adults.” Lina exclaimed, “This is not something adults do.”

 “Uh, yeah it is” refuted Anna. “Why don’t you come in here with us? We’re seeing who tells the best stories!”

 “I don’t know.” Lina said. “I kind of feel like going to bed.” As the queens under the blankets let out noises of protest, Cathy came up beside her.

 “So, I may or may not have actually asked you to come inside so that you would hang out in the fort with us.”

 Lina shook her head and smiled. Threatening her with Jane just to get her to hang out? She was weirdly proud.

 “Alright” Lina relented. “you win. I’ll come inside your childish fort.” Lina entered the cave, Cathy behind her, and sat down with the other queens. She had to admit that it was actually quite cozy. Suddenly, Lina became aware of the fact that everyone was looking at her.

 “…What?” she asked.

 “Tell a story.” Jane said.

 “Why me?”

 “The rest of us have already gone.”

 Anne nodded. “Yeah. I feel bad that you have to go after me. My story was amazing. I don’t know how you could ever compete with it!”

 With a smile on her face, Lina accepted the challenge. “Keep dreaming, Bo-loser. We both know your stories don’t hold a candle to mine!” Lina thought for a moment about what story she should tell, when suddenly it hit her.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

 She began to speak, her words painting a beautiful image of stargazing in Spain with her mother. She detailed the way the sky looked was so compelling that the others swore they could see it in front of them. As she spoke, Lina had a far away look in her eyes. She was back in Spain, lying in the gardens with her mother, watching streaks of light shoot across the sky. It looked almost as if the streaks of fire were being thrown from heaven.

 “Look, Catalina.” her mother had said. “Do you see that group of stars? The one the lights seem to be coming from? That is the constellation the Greeks called Leo.”

 “Leo? As in lion?” Catalina turned to her mother, and then looked back at the sky. “Mother, that does not look like a lion.”

 Her mother smiled. “I know, mi niña. None of the constellations look like what they are supposed to. You just have to use your imagination.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~

 Lina took in all the other queens enraptured expressions.

 “We never saw those lights again. Knowing what I know now, I wonder if they were comets. I would love to see them again.”

“Well who knows?” Cathy said. “Maybe they’re the type of comets that come back every year?”

 “Cathy’s right.” added Jane. “Why don’t you gloogloo it?”

  “Google, Jane. Not gloogloo.” Anne said. Laughter filled the fort once again.

 “Yes, I will gloogloo it.” Joked Lina. “Perhaps I’ll actually get to see it again! That would be amazing.”

 As the queens continued to chat, the lights spluttered back to life. They all looked at each other and came to a silent agreement. I was way to comfortable in there for them to go to bed. And so they all stayed. In the morning they would complain about stiff necks and sore backs, but in that moment they were content to just stay there in each others arms.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

 A week later and Lina was counting down the days until the Leonid meteor shower returned. Lina had had trouble at first figuring out what specific shower it had been, and then she remembered a detail that made it all clear. The lights streaking through the sky all those centuries ago had been coming from the constellation Leo. Now she could find out when they would come back. Through her research she had found that the Leonids only happened once every 33 years. It was a very good thing she had looked it up when she did, or she might have missed it.

  5 days to go. Lina could barely contain her excitement. 4 days. She would finally see the lights again. 3,2…

  Shit.

  SHIT.

  The ONE DAY Lina needed the weather forecast to be right. It was supposed to be clear tonight. Why was it cloudy? How was she going to see the meteor shower? Lina was crushed. She put on a smile for the sake of the others, but on the inside she was devastated. After lunch, Lina excused herself to her room.

 “Okay.” Anna said once she was out of earshot. “Something is obviously wrong with Lina.” The other queens nodded.

 “Could it be that she’s not feeling well?” suggested Jane, her eyes widening.

 Cathy shook her head. “I don’t think so. Usually when she feels sick, she doesn’t come out of her room at all. But she’s been with us all day.” Jane relaxed a little at that.

 “Did we forget her birthday or something?” Anne asked, brows scrunched in thought.

 “Anne. Her birthday is in December. It’s August, you dumbass!” Anna playfully smacked Anne on the side of the head.

 Throughout this whole conversation, Kat had been strangely quiet. She was running through every conversation they had had in the last week in her head. What could possibly have happened to make the great Catalina de Aragon this upset? As she was lost in thought, she looked out the window. It was a gloomy day, and a depressing grey haze seemed to cover everything. A thick layer of clouds covered the sky.

 A thick layer of clouds.

 Clouds.

 “Guys, I think I’ve got it” Kat chimed in. All the eyes at the table turned to her. “You remember that time the power was out, and we were telling stories under the fort?” Everyone nodded. “Okay, well you remember how she told us about that meteor shower she wanted to see?” More nods. “I think today was the day. But look how cloudy it is. She won’t be able to see shit tonight. That must be why she’s so sad.”

 Realization settled across the table. This thing that Lina had wanted to see for the past 500 years, she was going to miss because of some bad weather. Of course she was feeling down.

 Knowing what was wrong, the queens’ focus shifted to trying to find a solution. There weren’t many ideas. It wasn’t like they could get a huge leaf blower and blow away the clouds. The queens mulled over the issue for quite a while before Jane raised her hand.

 “Alright, it’s cloudy here, but could it be clear somewhere else? Couldn’t we just drive to a place where there aren’t any clouds?”

 “Janey, you’re a genius!” praised Cathy. “Why didn’t I think of that?”

 “So our mission is to find a place where there are no clouds.” Commanded Jane. “It shouldn’t be more than a couple hours away so that we can get there before nightfall. Everyone understand?” The queens nodded. Everyone pulled out their phones and began furiously typing, trying to find a place they could take Lina.

 ~~~~~~~~~~

 Lina was sat on her windowsill, forlornly gazing outside. She shouldn’t feel this bad about missing a simple meteor shower. So what if she’d probably never get to see it again? It wasn’t something to get worked up over. As she stewed in her negative thoughts, there was a soft rap at the door.

 “Come in.” Lina called.

 In strolled Cathy, looking slightly hesitant. “So, madrina, we want to take a little drive. We’re going somewhere I think you’ll like.”

 “I don’t know, mija. I’m not really feeling up to going out today.” Lina replied.

  “But the place we’re going is going to help you feel better! Don’t give me that look, it’s obvious you’ve been sad all day. So will you please come with us? Please? We won’t go without you.” Cathy gave the best puppy face she could muster.

 Lina sighed. She really did not feel like going anywhere, but it was obvious that Cathy was worried about her. She would go, just to ease Cathy’s concerns.

 “Alright Cathy. You win.”

 Cathy pumped a fist in the air. “Yes! Grab a coat and meet us in the car.”

 Lina did as she was told, picking a gold jacket from her closet before heading out to the van. Jane was sat in the driver’s seat, with Anna beside her. Kat was sat in the middle, and Anne and Cathy were at the back. Lina took her seat beside Kat and buckled up.

 “So,” she began, “is anyone going to tell me where we’re going?”

 “Nope!” said Anne, popping the p. “You’ll just have to wait and see!” Lina let out a deep groan, but ultimately accepted her fate.

 ~~~~~~~~~

 They drove for longer than Lina would have liked. She did not enjoy road trips. When the sun was beginning to dip below the horizon, the car came to a stop.

 “You wait in here while we set everything up.” Ordered Jane. Lina was about to protest when Jane raised an eyebrow. She swallowed her objections. The other queens left the car. Lina sat bouncing her leg until Cathy and Anna came to retrieve her.

 “Close your eyes. We won’t let you fall.” Promised Cathy.

 “Yeah!” Anna laughed That’s why Anne didn’t come to get you. She probably would have tripped you or something.”

 Lina complied with their demands, shutting her eyes and allowing them to lead her to… wherever it is they were going. She stumbled a couple of times, but the girls holding her arms always helped her steady herself. Eventually, they stopped walking.

 “Alright,” said Cathy, “open our eyes.”

 Lina allowed her eyes to crack open and let out a gasp. There were blankets layed out everywhere, and a campfire emitting warm light. Best of all, there were stars. More stars than she ever could have seen in the city, shining brighter and clearer than she had seen since she was a child. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes.

 “I… you did this all for me?” The other queens nodded proudly.

 “We remembered that you wanted to see the meteor shower, so we brought you out her to get a better view!” exclaimed Kat.

 “We know it’s not the same as being with your mother, but we hope this helps at least a little.” Added Jane.

 Lina was speechless. She couldn’t believe they had gone through all this trouble for her. She let out a choked “thank you”, and tears spilled down her face. Suddenly she was being tackled my five sets of arms, all trapping her in a rib crushing hug. Lina allowed herself to melt into the embrace of the queens, her family. Once she had calmed down, they all moved to lay down on the blankets by the fire.

 They lay cuddled together, watching streaks of light cut across the sky.

[askaphjamaica1962]

Hello, I've had this character for awhile but just got around to it.

Quote:

"Ha take that you fucking Russian loser commie. It must be so embarrassing, losing a winter game against a tropical country."

-Jamaica 1994 Winter Olympics after the team beat Russia.

HUMAN NAME:

Gabrielle Amancia Sharpe-Gordon 

Gabrielle is the most popular name in Jamaica, the middle name, Amancia is a name of Jamaican origin and the two last names are after two of our national heroes, Samuel Sharpe and George William Gordon.

Born: Discovery Bay/Bahia del descubrimiento (it was the first place the Tainos settled and the first place Christopher Colombus docked.)

.

GOVERNMENT:

Unitary Parliamentary and Constitutional Monarchy. 

FOUNDING DATE:

The island was ‘discoverd’ by Christopher Colombus on the 5th of May, 1494.

INDEPENDENCE DATE:

Was granted independence from England on the 6th of August, 1962.

MOST SPOKEN LANGUAGES:

NATIONAL: Jamaican Patois

OFFICIAL: Jamaican Standard English

She can also speak Spanish (since you know first colonizer), French and Dutch (from the Caribbean), Portuguese (Brazil), Russian (because of the close relations) and the language of her native people, the Arawaks.

Age: Appears to be 20 (did this because I saw a suggestion that countries that were colonised earlier, would be older), in term of Independence 58 and in terms of colonisation, 526 years old or between 1121 and 1111 since to me she was born soon after the Tainos settled which was sometime between 800 and 900 AD.

BIRTHDAY: August 6

HOROSCOPE: Leo

GENDER: Female (I did this because in modern and historical times, women have always had an important role in Jamaica)

ASSOCIATIONS:

CARICOM (Caribbean Community, was one of the four founding members, along with Guyana, Barbados and Trinidad and Tobago, in 1973.)

The United Nations (since 1962)

The Commonwealth (since 1962)

G-15

G-33

G-77

UN Security Council (temporarily in 1992 and 2001 was president in July 2000 and November 2001)

The organisation of African, Caribbean and Pacific States (OACPS)

Food and Agricultural Organisation

International Atomic Energy Agency

Non-Aligned Movement

Agency for the Prohibition of Nuclear Weapons in Latin America and the Caribbean (OPANAL)

The organisation of American States

World Health Organisation

World Trade Organisation, etc.

APPEARANCE

Mixed. Quite a lot of her features are reminiscent of the Africans with some European and a small amount of Asian features.

HEIGHT: 5’5 or 165.09cm which is the average height for women in the country.

WEIGHT: 110lbs, or 49kg.

HAIR LENGTH: Mid-back

HAIR COLOUR: Medium brown

HAIR TYPE: Very curly hair, messy and frizzy. She always spends at least two hours, fixing it.

EYEBROWS: Quiet thick eyebrows.

EYE COLOUR: Medium brown

SKIN COLOUR: Medium brown

EYE TYPE:  Wide almond-shaped eyes, averagely spaced.

FACIAL FEATURES: A very round face, high cheekbones, medium-sized pink lips and a wide, short nose. She also has a very flat forehead, reminiscent of the Tainos who used to flatten the foreheads of babies as they thought it would make them more beautiful, mouth corner dimples.

BODY TYPE: Lithe, bottom hourglass shape, C cup breasts, and a large bottom..

OTHER FEATURES:

Has an aheago on the right side of her head, shaped like what was left of Port Royal after the 1692 earthquake.

Has many scars all over her body from natural disasters and battles over the years.

Has very scarred hands, from slavery, one of the reasons why she always wears gloves.

Has small freckles on her knuckles from being in the sun a lot.

Has a long burn mark on her entire thigh, from the 1907 earthquake that destroyed the entire capital, Kingston City

Has a long scar from her right hip to her left shoulder, from the 1692 Port Royal earthquake

CLOTHES:

GLASSES: Wears half-framed black glasses representing Kingston Parish and the tendency of Jamaicans to only look at the short-term effects and not focus on the long term effects.

ACCESSORIES: Wears a small braided bracelet with the colours of her flag.

Tattoos: Has a large tattoo on her back of a map of Port Royal as a memorial.

PIERCINGS: Her left ear has full piercings (but she hardly wears them and they are the most recent ones. She was experimenting which is being done more in the country with piercings and tattoos.) and her right ear has two earlobe piercings and one in the inside of her ear. Also has a navel piercing. (It is one of the most common piercings in the country.) A nose piercing which is also quite common.

MILITARY OUTFIT:

FOR COMBAT: Full camouflage pants and long or short sleeves, steel-tipped, black combat boots, black wrist length gloves small, gold knob earrings, and either a beret (black or white), or a green sunhat or various other military caps.

FOR CEREMONIES: Black military cover, no earrings, red jacket with gold piping and gold buttons and a white belt with a leather and gold belt buckle, white wrist-length gloves, black skirt with one red stripe on the sides and black dress shoes.

THE WORLD WARS: As a colony of Britain during the time of the wars, she would have worn the same uniform. During both, she served in the Royal Air Force (RAF)

MILITARY RANK: Enlisted in the Air Wing, she is a Warrant Officer Class 1, which is the highest in the enlisted ranks.

In all of these outfits, her hair is in a tight bun.

CASUAL CLOTHING: Green spaghetti-strapped blouse, black short shorts, black sponge slippers, brown gloves, small cross earrings in her earlobes and a small stud in her upper ear. Hair is in a low, loose ponytail. Most of the piercings are in. She wears a gold nose ring

NORMAL CLOTHING: A green off the shoulder blouse, yellow knee-length flowy skirt, black flats, black gloves, small gold hoops and a small stud in her upper ear and two rings in her upper left ear. Her hair will normally be in a loose side ponytail, tied with a black ribbon. 

MEETING CLOTHING: A green, knee-length tunic, with a yellow dress shirt underneath, black sandals with a small heel, drop earrings with a circular wooden piece. Her hair will normally be either down and loose or pushed back with a bandeau.

Or for more formal meetings:

A black pants suit with gold accents with a yellow dress shirt underneath and a pale green vest. Normally wears black wedge heeled shoes. Only small gold earrings are in of her earlobes, a gold watch and her hair is normally in a low ponytail with a black ribbon.

FORMAL CLOTHING: A dress, one inch above the knee, large, octagonal gold hoops and a small gold star in her upper ear, black wedge heeled shoes and black, wrist length gloves. Her hair will normally be braided with black and yellow beads.

PERSONALITY:

She is normally a very loud, kind and helpful person. Though, as a former pirate, she has quite a short temper and when angered, she will normally refrain from using violence unless you're Trinidad or got her really pissed. Unless it is something very important, she'll be angry for the most, a week, doesn't easily keep grudges. She is normally someone who prefers to stay out of international conflicts but will stick her nose into peoples’ business and involves herself in everything (stereotype). She is very good at lying, which is a stereotype, very athletic, competitive (will do anything to win, once it’s not illegal), a tardy person when it comes on to social gatherings, but will be at least two hours early to anything important, independent and very extroverted, confident, go getter, ambitious, Always wakes up at the latest 8 o’clock and spends at least one-hour jogging or walking, curses like a sailor, very petty.

HOBBIES:

Gardening/Farming

Swimming

Running

Writing Poems

Pottery or just arts and crafts in general

Playing music (her favourites are the drums and the guitar)

Practicing magic

Playing sports

FLAWS:

Stubborn and won’t listen to anyone. (this is from how Jamaicans refuse to ask for help, especially directions.)

Blunt

Judgemental, especially with sexuality and class

Nosy

Can be quite hypocritical

RELATIONSHIPS/FAMILY:

MOTHER: Arawak, the original settlers of the Greater Antilles

FATHER: She sees England as her father figure

SIBLINGS:

Cuba

The Dominican Republic

Haiti

Puerto Rico

I made these four countries siblings because they were settled by the same people

Ex-Husband: Belize. When she was a colony, Belize was joined together from 1749 to 1884.

The Cayman Islands and Turks and Caicos (kind of like adopted brothers since now they are considered a part of the Greater Antilles)

Friends:

Russia

Germany

Italy

The Caribbean

Canada

America

Italy

The Netherlands

Brazil

Spain

(those are the main ones. Is friends with the world.)

CHILDREN: Kingston City and Montego Bay City

LOVE INTEREST: Brazil (in recent years, they've grown much closer and she eventually developed a crush.)

RIVALS: Trinidad and Tobago (they are rivals in basically everything.)

OTHER: Has had a strained relationship with Grenada ever since the 1983 invasion.

In recent years, her relationship with America has faced a downturn because of disagreements regarding trade and climate change.

The relationship with China has also not been the best in terms of jobs and trade.

STATS:

INTELLIGENCE: 7/10

WISDOM: 7/10

STRENGTH: 6/10

WEAKNESSES: 5/10

CONFIDENCE: 6/10

WEAPONS:

A handgun

Sub-machine gun

A cutlass/machete

NATION INFO:

FULL NATIONAL NAME: The Commonwealth of Jamaica

NATIONALITY: Jamaican

CAPITAL CITY: Kingston City

WORLD LEADER/PRIME MINISTER: The Most Honourable Andrew Holness

HUMAN POPULATION: 2,969,736

LAND AREA: 10,991km2

FLAG COLOURS: Black, meaning the strength and creativity of the people which has allowed them to overcome hardships, gold represents the wealth of the country and the golden sunshine and green represents the lush vegetation of the island, as well as hope.

ALSO CALLED: The Isle of the West Indies

                            The isle of the Caribbean

NATIONAL ANTHEM: 

Jamaica’s national anthem is a prayer, calling on God to bless and guard our country, and bless our leaders with divine wisdom. The playing or singing of the anthem always fills us with pride, whether it is at a school devotion, a national event or on a global stage, such as the Olympics, when we celebrate the excellence of our athletes.

There are also two other, not national, Jamaica Land of Beauty and I Pledge My Heart/ the School Song.

NATIONAL PLEDGE:

Before God and All mankind.

I pledge the love and loyalty of my heart

The wisdom and courage of my mind,

The strength and vigour of my body

in the service of my fellow citizens.

I promise to stand up for justice,

Brotherhood and Peace, to work diligently and creatively,

To think generously and honestly, so that,

Jamaica may, under God, increase in beauty, fellowship

and prosperity, and play her part in advancing the welfare

of the whole human race.

RELIGION:

68.9% Christianity

     64.8% Protestantism

     4.1% Other Christian

21.3% No religion

1.1% Rastafarianism

6.5% Others

2.3% Not stated

ETHNIC GROUPS:

92.1% Afro-Jamaicans

(incl. 25% mixed Irish Jamaican)

6.1% Mixed

0.8% Indian

0.4% Other

0.7% Unspecified

LIKES:

Sports (is freakishly good at them and is a fast learner)

Being with friends and family

Drinking alcohol

Food with flavour

Pottery

Brazil

DISLIKES:

France (because of what he did to Haiti, nothing perverted)

People making weed jokes at her. 

Being bossed around

Dry and tasteless food

Line skippers (even though she’s one)

Anywhere colder than 13 degrees Celius

QUIRKS:

She is the only one who can hear the narrator

She also has the ghost of her former boss and famous pirate, Henry Morgan following her around.

Also has magical creatures around her that she talks to, mostly ghosts tbh.

FEARS:

Natural disasters. Even though they are quite common, she still fears the damage, loss of lives and pain that it will bring.

She fears getting to such a state where she has to be dependent on another nation too much as she is a very independent nation.

Most creepy crawlies

Green lizards

SHE IS A HEAVY DRINKER.

STRENGTHS:

She is a very creative person in both the arts and in general

Integrity

Persistence

WEAKNESSES:

Is legally blind without her glasses

Has no patience

Nosey

TALENTS:

Very good potter

Good at playing the Guitar and Drums 

Good poet

Occupation:

[imnotrevealingmyname]

For fanfic writer questions: All. Of. Them. Alternatively: 15. 21 and 25

Lmao 😂😂😂😂❤️❤️❤️❤️ I'm doing all of them.

1. Phone, on Google docs. My phone is an absolute mess.

2. Fanfiction? About two years ago. Don't ask about original stuff. Oof

3. Loki fics, poems.

4. Both? Both. Both is good.

5. Terrible. Ok I'm kidding, I'd describe it as poetic, in a way? Overly poetic is good, ig. But it's also overly dramatic- something I hate seeing in people. Which makes me a hypocrite, ig. Lmao.

But in all honesty, I'm pretty flexible in my writing. Even while writing poems, I can easily shift from writing about EXTREMELY dark stuff (trust me, you don't wanna know) to something light and fluffy, which is a good thing, I guess? But it also feels a bit suffocating sometimes because I have a habit of reading my stuff from the POV of a reader, once I'm done with writing it. So I try to make it as bearable as possible. People nowadays don't always like intense stuff, and since I'm a freaky gal who started reading Shakespeare in third grade, it becomes difficult for me to give up my very intense style of writing. I probably don't make sense, but, uh. Whatever. Point is, I'm not perfect.

6. Random stuff. Seriously. My cupboard can set me off in a writing frenzy- most of the time,however, I don't even know what inspiration is. I meet her very infrequently- so infrequently that she's very forgettable :')

7. No? Sometimes? A couple of my fics were inspired by songs, I suppose. I also unpublished one, if I remember correctly.

8. The title. Oh god, that always makes me lose sleep. And also, the descriptions. Either I'm overly descriptive, or I end up writing a whole one shot in less than 300 words. Why Am I An Idiom is going to be the name of my autobiography, if I ever write one. (And yes, it's is Idiom. Long story.)

9. I don't really have any fixed place for writing. I've been known to write poems in the bathroom, so

10. Do I have a current WIP? I honestly have no idea what I'm doing with them. All I've been writing lately are one shots.

11. I don't count, but I have over 45 drafts

12. If you're talking about fics, then there's this fic I wrote, called Alien Ardour, a few months ago. I unpublished it due to several reasons, but I honestly love it. Also, I really like my one shots Scandalous and Silenced.

13. Like in total? What's 63+48+9? And it's ongoing.

14. Loki. Duh. And death. I love writing about death :')

15. OCs if it's multichapter, reader insert (NO Y/N, PLEASE, TAKE THAT AS FAR AWAY FROM ME AS POSSIBLE) if it's a one shot.

16. Repetitive question.

17. The Soul Trade. A few chapters were for aesthetics, but ok.

18. Loki. Only Loki. And uh.... Drarry. That's my fricking OTP.

19. @caffiend-queen. I love several other authors but she's always the first to come to my mind when I'm asked this question.

20. No

21. Coffee shop AU 😂 I don't even regret this

22. Idiots to lovers

23. 2 years. Fun fact: my first fic was a Drarry fic. I love it so much that it's still on Wattpad, even though I've not updated it in like a year.

24. Haven't we all?

25. Motivation? Who? What? Okay I'm kidding, I read fanfics. Seriously. Either I reread my own and edit them to sorta get back the feel of writing, or I end up reading a new fic. Smut who?

26. I was eight when I started writing, for heaven's sake. I don't remember.

27. If you're talking about fanfiction, then it's definitely @ohhhmyloki and @latent-thoughts (Tumblr won't let me tag y'all, for some reason). I used to write before I read their works but I quite literally began my journey with smut after reading their fics. And I don't think any of my fics written before that even exist anymore. But if we're talking about writing in general, then it's O Henry and Bernard Shaw. Maybe Gerald Durrell. Did I mention that I love Gerald Durrell?

28. Loki.

29. Idiotic. Messy. Freaky.

30. Um, I don't really wanna say this, but it's Just A Kiss Goodnight. It may be my most 'famous' fic, but it's definitely not the best. For one thing, I wrote it in less than a week, and I haven't edited it. And there's no fucking smut. I'm not saying that smut is necessary to make a fic good, but it doesn't have any intimacy in it. It's definitely not boring, I'll give it that, but it's childish.

31. Wtf is the difference

32. What kinda question is this

33. One shot? Depends. I can be freaky fast and write one in less than fifteen minutes, or I can take literal weeks to finish one.

34. Dude, what's the normal font in android? I have no idea. But one of my favourites is monotype corsiva, when I'm on my laptop.

35. Both.

36. I don't

37. All of my works, oof 😂 well, no. But there's this fic I've written, called Let's Get Drunk Together. And another. It's called Three Isn't A Crowd, After All. Cringy af

38. Smut. Dark poetry.

39. WHY ARE SO MANY QUESTIONS REPEATED? It's idiots to lovers, ffs

40. On Tumblr? Average is 60, I think.

41. Yes

42. Writing.

43. All the time

44. Yes

45. I can be as thirsty and smutty as I want without being judged, bless fanfiction.

46. The "WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT THE FUCK WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO DO TO MY HEART WHAT ARE YOU DOING AHHHHHHHHHHHH AND WHY AM I SO AROUSED AT THIS TIME OF ALL TIMES AND WHY IS THIS ANGSTY GIVE ME FLUFF" feeling. Not to brag, but I'm very good at that.

47. I can do anything and everything I want. I can make a unicorn fuck a werewolf and nobody will judge me. Or maybe they will.

48. Yes- Wattpad and Ao3.

49. Google docs, word.

50. Fucking Y/N. Like, not literally fucking Y/N, but uh- I mean, I'd totally fuck my clone? But Y/N isn't me, I hate Y/N. And I hate people who just comment on your fic to promote their own fics. We write for your happiness, please at least do the courtesy of appreciating that and not disrespecting our efforts. Most of us spend nights lying awake to give you stuff to read. And also, people who just comment to say,"Update," two minutes after you've just updated. That's RUDE.

51. High school AU

52. Cock, pussy, salacious, sepulchral, pulchritudinous....... I don't have a one track mind I swear

53. Giggled. FUCKING GIGGLED. I don't understand WHY people have this tendency of writing,"she giggled," and,"he chuckled." I don't know why but GIGGLED sounds like something not EVEN a simpering schoolgirl would do. I don't giggle. Not once have I seen peeps who write GIGGLE associate GIGGLE with men, which is something that I find very disturbing and sexist. Call me biased, go on. But I might not even have been here now because I'm from THAT orthodox and sexist a family, and if they'd been any more sexist, I'd have been killed after birth, so don't even dare to come near me with a ten foot pole if you're sexist.

54. Well, yes, I think. I certainly don't hate it, or I wouldn't write.

Dang, I spent over half an hour writing that. Hope that made even an iota of sense.

[lovemesomesurveys]

1. White or red wine? Back when I used to drink I liked white Zinfandel. Red wine gave me a bad headache. 2. Who was the last person you hugged? My mom. 3. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher? No. 4. Where did your first kiss take place? At school behind the drama department. 5. Do you prefer foxes or wolves? Wolves.

6. What is your shoesize? 6 in women’s (US). 7. Do you prefer fruit or vegetables? I guess veggies only cause I eat a lot of spinach. 8. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex? No. 9. Would you rather never fall in love again or never orgasm again? Never orgasm again. I’ve never experienced one, so I wouldn’t know what I was missing ha. But seriously, falling in love and finding someone to spend my life with means so much more. 10.What does your outfit consist of today? My usual leggings and graphic tee. I told ya’ll, it’s all I wear.  11.What are your bust-waist-hip measurements? I have no idea. 12.Are you a hypocrite? We all can be hypocrites. 13.Why did you last cry? Blah. 14.What are your favourite smells? The beachy/salty/ocean air smell, rain, autumnal candle and spray scents, that autumn wood burning smell, coconut, mint, pine, cinnamon, vanilla, fruity scents, sweet scents, patchouli, cedar, sandalwood, garlic, favorite foods... 15.What are your favourite textures? Uhhh. Soft and smooth is nice. I think it also depends on what we’re talking about. Different textures for different things. 16.Fur or feathers? Fur. 17.Tartan or tweed? I like both. 18.Leopard print or neon? Neon out of the two. 19.Any beauty tips? Ha, nope. I’m not the person to ask. 20.(Send me a fuck marry kill) You’d never see it. 21.If you won a LOT of money the lottery and decided to move, where would you move to? I’m not sure. My family and I would have to really think about it and do our research, see what works best for us. We’d most definitely get the hell outta here, though. 22.Alcoholic beverage of choice? None. 23.What is more attractive: Nice hands or nice feet? Nice hands. I don’t find feet attractive at all. 24.What’s the youngest you would consider dating? I’m 30, going to be 31 soon. I wouldn’t date someone younger than 30. 25.If you were around in the sixties would you be a mod or a rocker? Probably rocker.  26.Are thongs sexy? Not my thing. 27.Did you grow up in a healthy environment? Yes. I can’t blame that for why I’m the way I am. I had/have loving, supportive, awesome parents, too. I’m just a mess all on my own. 28.What do you think of when I say “the twenties”? The Great Gatsby, old sport. 29.Could you ever deliver a baby? Omg, noooooo. 30.Is penetration important to you? .... 31.What did your last text read? I don’t feel like checking. 32.Can you ride a bicycle? Nope. 33.What sport were you best at in high school? I’ve never been athletic nor did I even have any interest in sports. 34.Who do you miss right now? I’ll always miss loved ones who have passed way. 35.What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed? I don’t remember, it’s been 7 years. 36.Paris, London and New York… which one would you live in, which would you visit for a day, which would you visit for a fortnight? Oh man. I’d love to visit all 3, but I’m not sure I’d want to live in any of them.  37.What is your sexuality? Straight. 38.Heavy rain or heat wave? Heavy rain. Ew, who wants a heat wave?? 39.Chicken or fish? Chicken. Particularly boneless garlic parm and lemon pepper wings from Wingstop. Yum. 40.Do you think suits are sexy? Every girl’s crazy bout a sharp dressed man.

[jefferoni-quotes]

Love, Thomas - Hamilton Oneshot

Ship: Jeffmads 

Based off Love, Simon

High School AU (obviously)

- - -

Dearest, Grey

July 18th, 2019, 00:03 am

The emails we share never fail to make me smile. I don’t know what it is, but there’s an air of mystery around our conversations. I crave something, more, a deeper connection than Wifi. But, I can settle for now. I speculate a lot, probably to much. I wonder day and night about who you are. Do you attend the very same school as me? Perhaps we happen to share a class, but I just don’t know it...

Sorry, I’m rambling. 

What I’m trying to say, Grey, is I think I want to know who you are. I’m intrigued by this other gay kid in my school. Or maybe you’re not even in the same state as me. I don’t know, you never specified. You’re a lot more closed in these emails than me. Maybe I share to much, I do tend to go off in tangents. But I have lots to speak about! With endless possibilities, why stop talking?

Anyways, I eagerly await your reply,

Yours, Magenta 

- - -

Magenta,

July 19th, 2019, 6:55 am

I can see where you’re coming from, but I don’t feel particularly comfortable disclosing my identity just yet. Maybe in the foreseeable future, we will be able to meet for real. Who knows?

However, I can say, that I’m in the grand state of West Virginia. Which just so happens to be the exact state that you live in. You told me that information, I promise, I’m not internet stalking you. I just have a good memory. I shall not say more than that at this point in time.

I apologise, I keep going back to the same point. haha...

How was your day? Have you “”came out”” yet?

I hate the term coming out. I don’t think I should have to come out. I should be able to go home and say to my dad, “I got a date.” And he be fine with me going off with a guy. Not that i’ll ever get a date of course.

What’s your opinion on this?

- Grey x

- - -

For Grey,

July 19th, 2019, 7:41 am

Oooooh, and x at the end! I do feel special!

I’m glad you remembered I told you, because I forgot I did. I probably would’ve told you 10,000 times before I finally noticed I’ve told you before.

Coming out? Yeah, haven’t done that. My parents are super conservative and would most likely not be overjoyed to have their son come out as a “gay”. I don’t know if I eve will “come out.” I like your point, but society is heteronormative. Everyone just assumes who we are, and it’s not fair.

You know what we should do? We should come out together! Both of us, come out to our parents. Rip the bandaid off, ya know?

Sincerely, Magenta x

- - -

My Dear, Magenta,

July 19th, 2019, 4:06 pm

Maybe... how and when do you propose we do this?

- Grey x

- - -

Dearest, Grey-Senpai,

July 19th, 2019, 5:28 pm

Tomorrow, as soon as we get home. Walk in the door, turn around, shout up the stairs, “IM GAY AND NOW IVE CAME OUT IM GOING OUT!” Then go hang with some buds or whatever.

Yours, Magenta xx

- - -

Darling, Magenta,

July 20th, 2019, 4:21 am

1, kindly never refer to me as “Grey-Senpai” ever again.

2, that’s a very... forward way of coming out... but I like it! It’s a deal!

3, today marks seven months of emails! Happy seven months haha :)

Forever, Grey x

- - -

To, Grey-pai

July 20th, 2019, 4:29 am

1, suggestion noted and changed.

2, today is an important day then... scared? Cause I sure am... I’m fucking terrified... I can feel my heart in my throat.

3, Happy seven months is a very “coupley” thing to say, don’t you think? But despite that! Happy 7 months!

4, why are you up at 4 am?

Sincerely, Magenta xx

- - -

For my dear, Magenta,

July 20th, 2019, 5:09 am

1. That’s not really any better, but I shall deal with it.

2. It really is, I’ll keep you updated.

3. I’m sorry, I apologise if I made you feel uncomfortable. I’m very sorry, just don’t be mad ha ha... 

4. You were up too, little hypocritical. But if you must know, I was doing Biology homework. My teacher is very strict and she expects homework to be done in a day. I had sport practice so I had to do it at 3 am.

Are you ready? You said you had conservative parents, do you think they’ll be mad? I know my father is rather accepting, but I don’t really know...

Much love, Grey-pai x

- - -

Grey-pai,

July 20th, 2019, 12:47 pm

I’m glad you’ve decided to accept the nicknames. Don’t try to fight it, as you really won’t win. 

My parents are kinda shitty, but I don’t think they’ll be mad. Most likely shocked into silence, to which I will storm upstairs, lay face down on my bed until my sister comes upstairs and says my mom wants to talk to me. They’ll be unsure, but accepting. 

You play sports? What ones? I play too, but I’m intrigued by what you do. Sorry that I’m prying.

Homework at 3 am has been proven bad for the mind. And if your biology teacher is like mine, I can relate. She’s, quite frankly, and excuse my French, a bitch.

Good luck today!

Yours, Magenta x

- - -

My dearest, Magenta,

July 20th, 2019, 1:39 pm

At least your family will respect you! I’m 99.99% sure that you’ll be perfectly fine!

I’m on the athletics team, but I’m honestly terrible at it. It’s not prying. I’ve realised that I don’t share much about myself. I don’t know why I was hiding so much, I want it to feel like you know my personality. Maybe not my face. I don’t want our relationship to change drastically. Over time... I don’t know... I’m horrifyingly bad at making decisions.

What do you play? I’m curious how sporty “Magenta” is. I don’t believe I’ve ever mentioned how much I like that both our names just so happen to be our favourite colours. Well, I assume magenta is your favourite colour. I know grey is the colour I love. 

I realise its a horrible idea to try and learn in the middle of the night, but I don’t have any other choice. I don’t want to ruin my perfect score by receiving a detention.

Good luck to you too, Magenta!

Love, Grey xx

- - -

Darling, Grey-pai,

July 20th, 2019, 4:34 pm

I’m currently standing outside my house, and typing this email to distract myself from the bile rising in my stomach. I don’t know why I’m terrified. I’m not so sure why. I know they’ll be fine with it. Perhaps it’s the terror of sharing such a long kept secret. I don’t really know.

Looking in through the window, they’re all watching TV. This feels too... normal. I’ve been taught by society that this should be a big thing! A huge announcement. But no. It’s too... boring. I don’t know.

I’m going inside. Wish me luck, 

- Magenta xx

- - -

Magenta,

July 20th, 2019, 4:41 pm

Good luck.

I’ve told my dad. He’s cool with it! And I’m so happy!

PS: What sports do you play?

Love, Grey xx

- - -

Dearest, Grey,

July 21st, 2019, 1:34 am

I needed it. My exact prediction came true. They were silent then my ma hugged me and pops patted my back. He said he was proud. They’re accepting! 

Congrats to you too!

Love, Magenta x

- - -

Lovely, Magenta,

July 21st, 2019, 1:54 am

CONGRATULATIONS! YOU GO!!

I’m so happy they’ve accepted you!

Sports??

Much love, Grey xx

- - -

Darling, Grey-pai,

July 21st, 2019, 8:33 pm

I’m so happy too!

Love, Magenta xx

- - -

My Dearest, Magenta,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:33 am

I’m so proud of you! I’m so impressed that both our families accepted us. I really wasn’t expecting it from the South to be perfectly honest. 

All my love, Grey x

- - -

Magenta,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:34 am

Also, would it be weird if I said I think I know who you are?

- Grey xx

- - -

Grey,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:41 am

What? 

Yours, Magenta x

- - -

Dearest, Magenta,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:47 am

You’re on the running team and the volleyball, right? You won gold in the last sports event for both. Friends with that John Adams guy?

Love, Grey x

- - -

For, Grey,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:52 am

how.

what if you’re wrong? what if you’re right? then i’d want to know who you are. but you’re not wanting me to know. that’s not fair, grey. it’s not fair.

- Magenta

- - -

Dear, Magenta,

July 22nd, 2019, 00:58 am

I’m sorry. If I’m right, we can set up a time and place to meet. If I’m wrong, I apologise. 

Lots of love, Grey xx

- - -

Grey,

July 22nd, 2019, 1:01 am

When and where?

Love, Thomas x

- - -

Thomas slammed his laptop shut and pushed it down to the edge of his bed. He ran a hand through his matted, mop of curly hair and exhaled slowly. He thought about if he’d made a horrible decision, but tried to shake it off. The light from his screen peaked through the cracks. He slowly dragged it up to him, the covers crumpling as he did. He pulled the top open.

- - -

Dearest, Thomas/Magenta,

July 22nd, 2019, 1:12 am

Carnival, 9 pm. Tonight. See you there.

- Grey x

- - -

Grey,

July 22nd, 2019, 1:14 am

See you there.

Love, Magenta xx

- - -

He wiped the sleep from his eyes and turned his computer off. He placed it on his bedside table and flicked the bed sheets up to his chin. Thomas laid down, letting his hair fall over his face. He sunk into it, treating it like an ocean of emotion that he could drown in. A place where, once he reached the sea bed, he could lie in peace, without worries or feelings. And eventually, he lulled off to sleep.

Thomas woke up before his alarm and shut it off. It was a Saturday, and he still had 15 hours until he met his long term... lover? Crush? Love? What were they? Hell, he didn’t even know Grey’s name. What if he was some crazy, 50 year old stalker? Then again, he was fast and could either run away or fight. 

No matter. He had 15 hours. 15 hours.

Breakfast.

14 hours.

Sitting inside.

13 hours.

Going outside.

12 hours.

Running practise.

11 hours.

Still running.

10 hours.

Lunch.

9 hours.

Panic starts.

8 hours.

Panic intensifies.

7 hours.

Panic calms.

6 hours.

Internet.

5 hours.

And a phone call with John Adams.

4 hours. 

Phone call ends.

3 hours.

Argument with Alexander through Twitter.

2 hours.

Quick toast dinner. And then start changing.

1 hour.

More panic.

0 hours.

And he made it. Thomas looked down at his phone discreetly, sticking his hands in his pockets. The browned up grass pressed beneath his feet as he stepped. Someone tapped his shoulder.

“Hey, Thomas! What’s up!” John Adams grinned and leaned on his shoulder.

“Nothing. Just... waiting for someone.” Thomas smiled at his feet.

“Ooooh! Is it that Grey guy you told us about?” John nudged him with a cheeky wink, wriggling his eyebrows like caterpillars.

Thomas shoved him playfully. “Shut up. But yes, you’re right...” He sighed lovingly. “I’m scared.”

“That’s normal, dude.” John assured him, looking over. “When’s he supposed to be here?”

Thomas looked down at his phone again. “Ten minutes ago.”

“Huh.” John clicked his tongue with uncertainty, stepping forward so three girls could scatter past him. “Well, he doesn’t know where you are, for a start. Just give it a bit. He’ll turn up.”

And so they waited.

And they waited.

And then they waited some more.

In fact, it was around 10 pm when Thomas ushered into the big wheel. He hesitantly took a seat, weary of the fact that they were simple wooden benches with a metal bar to clutch onto.

He looked over at the two people that made him do this. Shortly after John had arrived, Maria had too. And she knew something. “Why are you making me do this?”

“Trust me, babe!” Maria yelled, rubbing her hands together with excitement.

“I swear to god...” Thomas mumbled. He was at his wits end, and very close to just giving up and going home.

“Ticket for one, please.” A voice called out of the silence, and the sound of change clanging against the ticket booth echoed.

A weight slid in next to him, and Thomas looked over as the bar was secured. “Grey?” Thomas questioned softly.

“Hi, Magenta.” He smiled graciously, looking straight on as the wheel started turning.

Thomas looked down, then at the boy. “James, isn’t it?”

“That’s right, Thomas.” James smiled, gingerly letting his arms hang by his sides. Thomas’ gaze fell to them, and he reached out, taking James’ hand in his own.

“So, it’s really you?”

“Yes.”

“Wow.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No, but it’s a good thing I always thought you were cute.” Thomas confessed as the ride got higher, eventually stopping at the top, letting them see the view. The moon was rising in the dark sky, which was glowing with street laps and stars. Fireflies buzzed below them and James turned to glance at Thomas.

“I’m glad.” He said happily.

Thomas shifted in his seat to face James properly. “Hey, can I...” Thomas moved a little closer, giving James a chance to say no, or pull away.

James’ face broke out into a grin. “You may.”

He closed the gap, and let his hand cup one of Thomas’ cheeks, the other curving around his waist. Jefferson moved his hands to the same comfortable position, keeping his eyes fluttered closed.

And after ten seconds or so, they pulled back, the distant whooping of Maria, John, Peggy and Aaron rising up to meet them. It became clear that James had dragged his friends along for emotional support too.

“So, how does a movie sound, Grey?” Thomas asked with a beaming grin.

“That sounds wonderful, Magenta.”

- - -

Whoops I got carried away.

Oneshot requests are open too, drabbles are short and dumb, Oneshot take longer. Please please please, when requesting, specify if you want a drabble or oneshot! Thank you and I hope y’all enjoyed!

[chuffyfan87]

Hiding. Part 76a

Cowritten with @disastrousintention.

-x-

It had been two weeks since Peter had confessed to his mum, he’d been struggling with his thoughts and memories of the traumatic birth of Oliver. It seemed the nearer his mum’s due date got, the more his behaviour gave cause for concern. He was sat in his bedroom, on his bed, rolling a cigarette. He had his headphones in, listening to music.

The fact that his mum had told him that the doctors had booked her in for a planned section in three weeks time didn't seem to have helped calm him.

It just made him more anxious that the baby would come before then. He finished rolling his cigarette and placed it in the packet, cleaning up after himself.

He contemplated the scrap of paper that was inside the packet. On it was written the number of a guy from college who had said he could get Peter something to "chill out" with.

He didn’t want to go down that route. He knew it wasn’t a good route to go down. But he was also exhausted from the lack of sleep and trying to study.

That is what had led to him keeping hold of the number rather than just throwing it away without a second thought. He sighed softly. He ended up ignoring the number this time, again.

He picked up his textbook. Why the hell had he decided to take chemistry alongside IT? He was really clever and academic when he didn’t have other things on his mind. He thumbed the edges of his textbook as he lay down on his bed.

The only people who hadn't seemed surprised when he picked chemistry rather than biology were his parents. They seemed to be the only ones who didn't seem to want him to follow them into a career in medicine. They wanted him to be his own person. Chase his passions rather than following his parents ambitions and passion.

His gaze was caught by a bright pink post it note stuck to the side of his desk. He hadn't left that there! Peeling it off he instantly recognised his mum's handwriting reminding him that he had a session booked with his therapist for 6.30pm.

He sighed sadly. He didn’t want to go. He glanced at the clock. Maybe it would help?

Clearly the therapist hadn't mentioned that he'd missed the last session when his mum had called to book this session, something he was grateful for.

He decided to go to the session. Peter remembered what his dad had said about asking for help sometimes.

As Peter headed down the stairs a little later he heard raised voices coming from the kitchen.

His parents were arguing. They didn’t argue often, thankfully but Peter always got scared when they did. He slowly made his way to the kitchen, listening carefully.

"I am perfectly capable of continuing to work!" He heard his mother yell.

“Not at 33 weeks you’re not. I want you to start maternity leave.” His dad replied back. Peter sighed. His mum was always so stubborn!

"What do you expect me to do for the next three weeks? Sit on my fat arse going stir crazy?"

“Your arse isn’t fat.” He replied, “It’s a sexy arse, along with that attitude of yours.”

Peter rolled his eyes. That sounded like his cue to leave! He was just grabbing his coat when the kitchen door opened and his mum walked into the hallway, looking back over her shoulder as she giggled. "You're not getting around me that way Charlie!"

Charlie groaned. Peter was putting his coat on and looked sheepishly at his parents.

"Is it that time already?" Duffy remarked, trying to change the subject, unsure as to just how much Peter had overheard.

“Yeah.”

"I hope it goes well sweetheart." She smiled softly, squeezing his shoulder gently. "If you let me know when you're on your way back I'll make some food ready for you."

Peter nodded again.

"Shall I make your favourite?" She smiled.

“I’m not really hungry.”

"Peter..." She sighed.

“Ok.” He sighed.

"You better get going. You don't want to be late!"

“Can I talk to you afterwards? In private?” He asked quietly.

"Of course." She glanced at Charlie. "Just me or both of us?"

“Just you.” He mumbled.

"OK. Do you want me to come pick you up after your session and we can go for a drive?" She suggested.

He nodded, “Yeah. Please.”

"OK. Give me a call and I'll come get you." She promised.

“Thank you.” He kissed her cheek and left.

Peter made it to the therapist's office just as his name was called. He gave a small smile at the therapist as he entered the room.

She allowed him to get settled before she spoke. "You didn't contact me to cancel our last session."

“Yeah, sorry about that.”

"Was there a reason?"

He shrugged. “Got drunk.”

"Our appointment was at four in the afternoon..." She replied, concern in her tone.

He shrugged again.

"So what led you to decide to come today instead of going out and getting drunk again?"

“Because I need to talk about a few things.”

"OK. Where would you like to start?"

“I have a friend at college...” He began, “He’s offered me something to help chill me out.”

"What would that something be?"

“I think it’s weed. Could be anything though, I don’t know.”

"He didn't specify?"

“No. Just said if I ever needed 'out', to give him a bell.”

"Why would you need out?"

“To chill out. To stop...” He stopped suddenly.

The therapist waiting silently to see if he'd continue.

“You know, things.”

"What things? What's making you feel stressed?"

“You know... things.” He didn’t say anything, instead he picked up one of the small pebbles out of the pot on the therapist's table. “My mum. The baby...”

"Are you unhappy that your mum is having another baby?"

“Yes and no.”

"Do you wish to expand on that?"

“It’s gonna kill her.”

"You know that for certain?"

“She nearly did last time. And the time before that. And the time before that. Why would this time be any different?”

"I'm sensing something of a pattern emerging..."

“Do you know what happened to my mum last time she gave birth?”

"Nothing more than the bits you've alluded to in previous sessions."

“I’ll tell you, shall I?” He was getting agitated.

"If you want to."

“Mum went into labour at home. Bled out in her bedroom on her bed and covered me. She was in surgery for hours, spent time in ICU. I overheard the doctors talking one day and they said she’d be retarded when she woke. She woke up and could barely speak. Then developed an infection and required more hospital treatment. Despite all that, she survived. But this time, she won’t be as lucky.”

"Were you the only one with her at the time?"

“Auntie Megan was there. And then my dad came soon after.”

"But you saw it all? That must have been very traumatic for you. Have you spoken to your mum about it?"

“Bits and pieces. Don’t like to worry her.” He sighed, “The baby was stuck too. At some point...”

"I would presume that the doctors looking after your mum this time would be well aware of everything that happened last time..."

“And they knew about the twins and how she was after Em and it still happened.”

"What still happened?"

“Bad things!”

"Your mum getting ill?"

He nodded.

"Maybe they don't know why it happens." She suggested.

“Dad wouldn’t cope with us all on his own. He struggles without mum. Mum struggles without dad.”

"Which makes you question why they've decided to have another baby?"

“Yes.” He sighed.

"How many siblings do you have?"

“There’s Jake, Louis, Em, Tilly, Lottie, Oliver and the baby so that’s... Seven.”

"So including you that's eight children?"

He nodded, “Yeah. Louis has a different mum and Jake a different dad but they’re still my siblings. No half about it.”

"That's a good way to look at it." She smiled. "Why do you think your parents decided to have another baby?"

“Because they don’t think with their brains but with their... you know...”

She chuckled. "Have you mentioned this to them?"

“That I think my parents need a lesson on using condoms?”

"I swear you've mentioned before that your parents work in a hospital..."

“They’re nurses, band eight and seven. Nursing manager and Sister.”

"And yet you don't think they understand the concept of safe sex?"

“They really don’t. If you understood safe sex, would you have eight kids?” Peter asked.

"Maybe they wanted a large family? Did you consider that?"

“No, but my parents don’t practice safe sex. I know that for a fact.”

"I don't understand..."

“They don’t use contraception. If they did, they’d realise there was no condoms.” Peter smirked.

"I see... Their stash has been raided I take it?"

“Every now and again, if I run out and haven’t got time to buy some.” Peter smiled, “I love Sarah but I’m not ready for a baby. Neither of us are. Not after the scare we had...”

"When was that?"

“Well... We had one quite recently but please don’t tell my mum.”

"You're over sixteen, I'm not obliged to tell your parents anything." She reminded him.

He nodded. “Last week. Sarah and I had a scare.”

"Is that why you went out and got drunk?"

“Kinda.”

"Was that before or after you found out it was a false alarm?"

“After.”

"Celebrating then?"

“Not like that.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"So why then?"

“I don’t know. I just found things really difficult.”

"If you told your parents about it, how do you think they'd react?"

“About what? The pregnancy scare?” He laughed slightly, “Mum and dad would string me up by my balls.”

"If they're as lax as you seem to think wouldn't that be a tad hypocritical of them?"

“Yeah it is I suppose.”

"So maybe try talking to them about it?" She suggested.

“It won’t happen again. We’re looking at different means of contraception.”

"That sounds like a good idea." She paused for a few moments, gathering her thoughts. "Is there anything else that's bothering you?"

“A few things.”

"Would you like to talk about any of them?"

“Yeah.” He smiled slightly. “I’m worried about a lot of things, not just my mum.”

"What's worrying you most, other than your mum?"

[kaffeinic]

60 Question Tag Challenge!

I was challenged by @woo-for-woojin to answer all of these. To be fair, I challenged her first, but let’s not get into the details. Original post of questions by @roseyygf.

1: Selfie.

GAAAAAAAH I HATE THIS ALREADY SMH IM SO UGLY.

Lmao look at my fingers. What the hell is going on there?

2: What would you name your future kids?

I feel like that’s a joint decision, so I can’t say. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll want to have my own kids through childbirth. My family has a genetic disposition to difficulties during pregnancy. I might adopt.

3: Do you miss anyone?

A few people. Some of them I haven’t even met in person. I miss my BFF from school. I miss a few people online that I’ve fallen out of touch with. I’m always missing people. 😂

4: What are you looking forward to?

College, and moving out of my house. I’ve been itching to do both of these for years now.

5: Is there anyone who can always make you smile?

@hoshithehamster, @woo-for-woojin, @a-toxic-galaxy, my BFF from school, and my older sister. Also, I swear, @hoshithehamster and I are literally are always TALKING IN CAPS LOCK BECAUSE WE ARE IDIOTS AND WE HAVE THE WEIRDEST, MOST FUN CONVERSATIONS EVER.

6: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

Once I’ve gone all-in, yeah. When it’s a crush, not usually. I’m really slow to develop a crush on someone. Painfully slow lol. I’m cautious because I’ve been hurt by people in that regard a few times. One incident had me suicidal for a long time.

7: What was your life like last year?

Kind of the same? I didn’t have this blog open. If you had asked this regarding two years ago, I would have said that I wasn’t homeschooling, didn’t know how to play piano much, didn’t have this blog, and was very depressed because of my old schoolmates.

8: Have you ever cried because you were so annoyed?

YES! Whenever I feel stuck and know I have no control of a situation, I get frustrated and find a quiet place to cry.

9: Who did you last see in person?

I’m assuming this means out of my own household. The last person I saw was my older sister and her roommates, who I am really good friends with. One of them loves coffee as much as me and it’s great! I spent the night. That was over a month and a half ago lmao. Before that, I had gone on a date at a coffee shop.

10: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yeah. My family gets angry at me if I’m sad or angry about anything, so I hold it all in. It definitely has made life a bit harder. I make people angry when I won’t disclose my feelings to them. I just find it to be better to hold it. I have to be really comfortable with you and really love you if I’ll tell you that I’m sad/angry and why.

11: Are you listening to music right now?

Yeah. It’s Le Pire by Maître Gims. He’s a really great French singer.

12: What is something you want right now?

If this is concerning food, I’m in the mood for chicken right now lol. I need some protein. Aside from food, I’m wanting to get a pedal for my electric piano. I have no sustain and it ruins a lot of songs. 😂 It’s why I have my ko-fi open.

13: How do you feel right now?

Meh. I’m not feeling great. I have some issues with fainting. My blood pressure drops like a rock at times and I feel it coming on, if you know what I’m saying. It’s this kind of lethargic, sick feeling. I’m trying to drink a lot of water, just in case it’s about dehydration.

14: When was the last time someone of the opposite sex hugged you?

When I last visited my favourite coffee shop. For those of you who read Caffeinic, Chan’s character design is a mix of his true personality and a barista at my café of choice. He always gives me a hug when I see him, and when I say good bye. 😊

15: Personality description?

For a quick description, I’d say that INFJ, which is my MBTI type, is really accurate for me. I’ll let one of my friends try to describe me. I’m bad at describing myself lol.

Okay, but my heart is combusting. This amazing hooman, I lob her so much!!!! One of my best friends for sure.

16: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but you didn’t?

All the time. I’m sure you all have heard Fight Song by Rachel Platten, but that line where she says, “And all those things I didn't say // Wrecking balls inside my brain // I will scream them loud tonight // Can you hear my voice this time?” really resonates with me. It was that lyric that hooked me on this song.

17: Opinion on insecurities?

I think 90% of us have them. They are humbling, which can be good, but I urge you to know your worth. I’m such a hypocrite.

18: Do you miss how things were a year ago?

Not really. Not much has changed.

19: Have you ever been to New York?

No, but I’d love to visit! I’m from the west coast lol.

20: What is your favourite song at the moment?

Ramai by Delia & The Motans. I listen to a lot of different languages in music lol. I have no idea what any of it means, so if it’s inappropriate, I apologize.

21: Age and birthday.

Internationally, 18. May 3, 2001.

22: Description of crush.

I don’t think I have a crush???? Haha. There’s this really kind, pretty hot barista at the café who seems to like me but I’m avoiding relationships, so idk. He has green eyes and black, curly hair. He’s maybe 170-180cm, but I’m not entirely sure. He looks damn good in a button up, I... wow. 🥵

23: Fear(s)?

So many lmao. I’m afraid of some trivial things, like bugs and rollercoasters, but I’m also afraid of some different items, like never having a family of my own, or of not being able to achieve my dreams.

24: Height?

154(?)cm. About 5’1.”

25: Role model?

I don’t think I have one lmao. I just try to be the best person I can be. It’s a goal in life for me to be a truly good person.

26: Idol(s).

Aren’t Idols and Role Models pretty much the same thing..? 😂 To be general, I look up to those who have studied in medical school because I know it’s a rollercoaster of difficulties and debt. I applaud them.

27: Things I hate:

This could be a very long list. Let’s go:

Unnecessary rudeness/bullying

Being forced into things I don’t like and/or am afraid of doing

Being lied to

Being stolen from

Being thrown in awkward situations

Being denied my alone time

When people make a mess that I have to clean

When I cook for people and they don’t thank me. My face just scrunched in anger while I typed this one lmao.

Arrogant/egotistic people

So many more, but I’ll cut it off there. 😊

28: “I’ll love you if...”

OOF. There’s no specific thing someone could do. If you love me, I’ll love you. I don’t mean the “awe ily” kind of love. I mean the “I will keep you out of trouble and protect you and be around you only to enjoy your company because I love you” kind of love. True love. Not that artificial crap.

29: Favourite film(s)?

Room 1408 is really good haha. I also really liked A Simple Favour. I like a lot of movies lmao. Superhero movies are always good.

30: Favourite tv show(s)?

I watched a lot of Black Mirror before we got rid of Netflix. I watch Superstore and Brooklyn 99 like they’re the gospel. I’m always down for Gilmore Girls because it’s a classic. I often watch my old childhood shows like Danny Phantom.

31: 3 random facts.

I’m assuming you mean, “3 random facts about me” lol.

I play piano.

I read “too much.” Let’s be honest, is it even possible to read too much?

I write my own stories and songs all of the time.

32: Are your friends mainly girls or guys?

Oof. My absolute closest friends are girls, but the majority of people I would consider my friends are male.

33: Something you want to learn.

Everything I can about medicine. I’m so interested in it, and I love the idea of fixing someone’s body. I’m fascinated by the weird and/or nasty things about our bodies. I hope that doesn’t sound too weird. I also wanna learn how to use a French press lmao.

34: Most embarrassing moment?

I had been selected to perform in a talent show a few years back for my old school and I got up there, face planting on the floor. Halfway through the song, I froze up and forgot the lyrics. I have never forgotten that.

35: Favourite subject?

Any form of science or Language Arts.

36: 3 dreams you want to fulfill?

Become a doctor.

Write a song that someone can perform onstage.

Clock in my 10,000 hours in piano.

Extra: I want to learn violin so badly!

37: Favourite actor/actress?

Jennifer Aniston or Nicolas Cage probably. I don’t pay much attention to actors. I also love Jeremy Renner’s work!

38: Favourite comedian(s)?

Oh lord, this question was made for me. Randy Feltface, Samuel J. Conroe, TwoSet, Ross Lynch, and many, many more!

39: Favourite sport(s)?

Volleyball, baseball, and badminton. Low/no-contact sports lol.

40: Favourite memory?

I can’t think of a specific one, but my best memories are always those random, funny moments I have with friends. I don’t think I’m ever gonna forget when my friend and I named one of her plants for the first time. I made a plant family tree. Dear lord save my soul.

41: Relationship status?

Single~

42: Favourite book(s)?

THAT IS THE HARDEST QUESTION EVER! How can I be expected to answer this???? 😂 I don’t have a favourite.

43: Favourite song ever?

Is this q&a list crafted specifically for me to not be able to answer any of the questions? 😂 I don’t have one. It changes with time.

44: Age you get mistaken for?

People always think I’m younger than I am, but if they don’t, then they over shoot it. Most people think I’m 16, or as old as 20-22. It’s crazy lol.

45: How you found out about your idol.

I’m going to interpret this as how I found out about my ult bias, who is Chan from Stray Kids. I was surfing SoundCloud and found the 3racha page. There wasn’t much there, but I liked what they had recorded. From then, I saw some of their survival show and may have kind of fallen for Channie and his personality lmao. Whoops.

46: What my last text message says.

This is the one I got while I was answering this specific question. 😊

“I feel that. I do hate unrealistic stories or stories that go on to fast like. I want to read stories where I feel like the reader could be me and not some sort of perfect girl getting the attention of all the people and fell in love withing 3 seconds and marry. I know that there must be some drama and special things to keep the story going and that's OK but I really appreciate stories who are still based more on a normal life. And you really do a good job in writing normal life stories // And tbh no story made me as happy as your barista!Chan story. It really is something different and I love it.”

Idk if the sender would be okay with me sharing that it was them, so I just copied it lol. I truly do love the feedback I get from you guys! Thank you all so much~~!

47: Turn-ons?

I’m assuming - again - that you mean romantically? I’ve always liked someone who has a decent sense of humour. Whenever I see someone working hard at their job/studies, part of me finds it... sexy? Idk. I’m weird. Save me. 😂

48: Turn-offs?

Overconfidence is a big no-no. It’s annoying as well. I can’t stand someone who truly is an idiot. Nothing turns me off more than getting a text that’s barely legible with a million abbreviations. Speak to me like someone with a brain, please. Another big turn-off is someone who is just automatically very sexual. I’m not a super sexual person, and I don’t want to hang out with someone who has a one-track mind in that sense.

49: Where I want to be right now.

The café.

50: Favourite picture of your idol?

But... he’s so pretty? How??

Sorry. I do not own these gifs/photos of Chan~

51: Star sign?

Taurus..? Idk if that’s for horoscopes lol.

52: Something I’m talented at.

Mmmmmm idk. I’m pretty mundane. I read a lot. I really would love to say I’m talented at piano, but I just don’t think I’m there yet.

53: 5 things that make me happy.

“Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens...” Sorry.

Classical music

The smell of an old book

Petrichor and/or rainstorms

Playing piano

The smell of coffee

54: Something that’s worrying me at the moment.

Everything?? 😂 I’m worried about affording college tuition at the moment. I’m a senior and it’s steadily approaching.

55: Tumblr friends?

I almost yeeted my phone across the room. This is my question. 😂

@hoshithehamster, my fellow plant mother. I think we are each other’s spirit animal lol. I love you more than you know~! As a side note: She’s model material, I swear! Soooooo pretty, inside and out!

@woo-for-woojin, the most adorable and thoughtful person ever?? Always a pleasure to speak to. She gives the coolest and cutest requests ever, I’m-

@a-toxic-galaxy, one of the first people who supported this blog. I love you so much! We both have gotten a little busy lately, but I hope we never fall out of touch.

@doubleknot42, I guess more of an acquaintance? I still really want to get to know her more. The content on her blog is amazing, I highly recommend.

@ethereal-chanracha, someone who I’ve just recently started talking to. We’ve learned so much about each other in such a short time and I already think she’s so awesome! If you’re down for a good conversation, hit her up.

@palemoonpersephone, a friend I made after writing a post about my experiences at school. She is one of the sweetest, most thoughtful and hardworking people I’ve ever met. She offered to be my friend if ever I need one, and I don’t regret it. 💕

56: Favourite food(s).

Homemade granola (I make it a lot.)

Salad (Don’t @ me. I really do enjoy salad. I’m much more of an herbivore. 😂)

Most types of Chinese chicken

This spicy noodle thing I think I invented?

Italian sandwiches

Any type of spicy chip (Takis, Hot Cheetos, etc...)

Plain white rice

Gochu jang flavoured chicken

Despite this list, know that I’m a very picky eater lol

57: Favourite animal(s).

Foxes

Doggos

CATS

White tigers

HEDGEHOGS OML

58: Description of my best friend.

Y’all probably know who this is, but...

Kind

Attentive

Smart

Pretty

Passionate

gOOFY (like me)

The best plant mother in existence??? Fight me.

Patient

Empathetic

And SO much more~~!

59: Why I joined tumblr?

Initially, just to find cool posts and like/reblog whatever I enjoyed. My main blog, @assainfj, is the same blog I started with lol. It’s now become a place for me to share my thoughts and my writing and to meet amazing hoomans.

60: Ask me anything you want.

YASSSSS PLEASE I love answering your questions~~~~~! Send in as many as you’d like!

~

I tag: @hoshithehamster • @a-toxic-galaxy • @palemoonpersephone • @doubleknot42 • @ethereal-chanracha & anyone else who wants to do this!

[jamezvaldes]

half and half 1-25 for emmy 26-50 for nicky!!

Thank Erin!!! This totally didn’t take forever for once! Also it’ll be under the cut because it’d be damn long. 

For Emmy: 

1. What is your OC’s favorite color?Idk man, like either pale blue or dark red

2. Does your OC collect anything? What do theycollect?Skateboard desks! They’re hanging up in her section of the garage, mainly because Nic wouldn’t let Em put them up in the house because they didn’t match the vibe Nic was going for

3. What kind of things is your OC allergic to?Nothing actually. 

4. What kind of clothing does your OC wear?Whatever is comfortable and clean. But jeans and tee-shirts mainly, but can dress up if needed. 

5. What is your OC’s first memory?Being with Dominic in school, just sitting and having lunch together on the first day of the year

6. What’s your OC’s favorite animal? Leastfavorite?Doggos!!! and least favourite would probably be sharks. like she’s got no reason to not like them but she just doesn’t like them 

7. What element would your OC be?Probably Wind? I don’t really know what elements this is referring to tbh

8. What is your OC’s theme song? maybe one of these few songs:  Better Now (Acoustic) - Etham. What’s Good - Fenne Lily. Wasted Youth - FLETCHER

9. Do you have a faceclaim / voiceclaim for yourOC?my gal Maia Mitchell for both

10. What deadly sin would best represent your OC?Pride11.  What are your OC’s hobbies?Swimming. Skating. Extreme napping. Playing guitar.   

12. How patient is your OC? How hot-headed are they?Emmy is so not patient with anyone. and baby is so hot-headed

13. What is your OC’s gender / sexuality / race /species / etc.?Female. She/her. Bisexual. White American. Human. 

14. What foods does your OC like to eat? What aretheir least favorite foods?Emmy will basically eat any food so she doesn’t really have any least favourite foods

15. If your OC could have any pet, what would theychoose? Why?Well, she has two dogs and a cat. So I don’t think she’d pick another one. 

16. What does your OC smell like? Cinnamon and coffee all year around.  

17. How do they make a living? What kind of job dothey want / not want? What is their dream job? What do they think of theircurrent job?She has job and it’s bartending at The Pit, the bar that Nic owns. She likes it, but The Pit isn’t a place she really wants to spend a lot of her life working at. Something in psychology is probably want she wants to do, or victim activation.  

18. What are your OC’s greatest fears? Weaknesses?Strengths?Loosing Nic is one of her greatest fears. she’s quite impulsive which is both a strength and weakness tbh. 

19. What kind of music do they listen to? Do theyhave a favorite song?Any sort of music tbh, but prefers softer songs compared to most. 

20. If they came from their world to ours (if notalready in our’s) how would they react? What would they do?She’d probably still go about her normal life tbh. 

21.  What personal problems/issues do they have? Petpeeves?She’s like lowkey a hypocrite but a pet peeve is when other people are hypocrites

22. What kind of student were they/would they be inhigh school?A decent student. Didn’t get into as much trouble as Nic but still got into a lot of it. Was in the top 5% of her year. 

23. What is a random fact about your OC? Can drive but would prefer not to do it, likes being driven around by other people. But will drive others around a lot. Almost always the designated driver when out clubbing.

24. What is their outlook on life? What is theirphilosophy / what do they think in general about living?Emmy is pretty chill about life, if it’s meant to happen it’ll happen. That sort of outlook. But will secretly plan a lot. 

25. What inspired you to create them / how did youcreate them? Were they originally a fan character? What was their personality /design like when you first made them?Nicky needing someone to ground her and to keep her from going off the rails was what inspired her creation. Despite y’all being introduced to Em for a fic, she wasn’t actually for that, she was initially a fandomless piece. She’s still quite similar to who she was when first created, at the core of her, but has become more criminal to fit into this world. 

For Nicky:

26. Who is the most important person in their life?Why? Who is the least important to them (that still has an impact and why?)Most important, an angel called Emmy. Emmy changed her life and gave Nic a reason to live. Least important, Trisitian Cooper, the worst possible human being, he’s important because he’s responsible for so much trauma. 

27.  What kind of childhood did your character have?A strange one. Jacob was a half decent father but a bad man. and yknow a lot of trauma happened as well. 

28. What kind of nervous habits do they have? Dothey stim? Do they have any kinds of addictions?When she gets nervous, she shuffles between her feet. She can’t stay still. She’s a recovering addict. 

29. If they could choose their epitaph for theirgrave, what would they choose?It’d probably be something witty depending on the circumstances of her death. Or something that implies she’s a ghost. 

30. Do they want to get married? Why or why not?Would they ever want kids? Do they have kids? Why?It’s complicated topic for her. Like I think deep down she’d want to get married and have kids, but she doesn’t want to bring them into the world she’s apart of. 

31.  What is their most traumatic memory/experience?What is their favorite memory?Traumatic memory, well there’s a lot. Everything that went down with Tristian. Jacob’s death. Blowing out her knee when she was 14. Favourite memory, getting custody of Emmy!! Becoming a god parent to Nate and Jordan’s daughter

32.  If they could have one thing in the world, whatwould it be?Freedom. Complete freedom. 

33. Would they ever kill someone? What would someonehave to do to push them to kill someone? If they would kill someone, why? Probably? They’d have to do something that tips her over the edge. 

34.  What social groups and activities does yourcharacter attend? What role do they like to play? What role do they actuallyplay, usually?Doesn’t really like clubbing that much. She’d be the person who organised the night, mainly poker or something like that. 

35.   How is your character’s imagination? Daydreaminga lot? Worried most of the time? Living in memories?Nic tries to stay out of her memories because there’s a lot which are quite triggering. She worries about what happens if she gets caught. Doesn’t really have that much of an imagination so doesn’t daydream that much.

36. What does your character want most? What do theyneed really badly, compulsively? What are they willing to do, to sacrifice, toobtain?Nic wants freedom. She’d not sacrifice anything for it though.

37. What’s something that your character does, that otherpeople don’t normally do?She’s a criminal…. She does a lot of underground fighting

38. What would your character do with a milliondollars?I’m assuming that Nic got it illegally so she’d launder it before spending it a couple of years later. Probably would buy another legal business.  

39. What is in your characters refrigerator right now? Ontheir bedroom floor? Nightstand? Garbage can?a KNIFE in all places. But not like the knives that are for cooking, like the cool knives, like flip, pocket and butterfly ones. 

40. Your character is getting ready for a night out. Whereare they going? What do they wear? Who will they be with?Probably going to a club called The Turning Point, probably with Sofia or Holly. Sofia would probably make Nic wear a dress but Holly knows that wouldn’t be possible. So ripped jeans and a nice shirt. 

41. What does your character do when they’re angry? Why?Normally tries to walk away, because she has her father’s temper and can do things that she’d regret.

42. Does your character have any scars? Where did they getthem from? She has a lot of track marks in the inner corner of her left elbow, got them as a result of her drug addiction. Has a faint scar around her knee because she had to have surgery to fix it after blowing it out. 

43. What was the most offensive thing your character hadever said?She doesn't really say offensive things

44. How does your character react/ accept criticism?Depending on the type of criticism, she’d more than likely ignore it. 

45. If your character was given a slice of pineapple pizzaand they HAD to eat it (or something bad would happen), how would they react?Do they even LIKE pineapple pizza?She doesn't mind pineapple pizza, not her favourite type of pizza but wouldn’t say no to pizza. She’d eat it

46. Your character is given a voodoo doll of themself. Whatdo they do with it? Do they see if it actually works?She’d probably toss it because she doesn’t believe that they work. 

47. Can your character draw? What do they like to draw? Dothey doodle?Nic can’t draw but she’ll doodle little random things. 

48. What were their parents like? How has that affected howthey are as an adult?Jacob was a horrible man but a great father to Nic. Not having him anymore has affected her quite negatively, she lost him when she was 16 and it left her quite lost. Eleanor, her mother, doesn’t know her and doesn’t want to know her. 

49. Does your character like candy? Do they get sugarrushes? What are they like when they get a rush?Nic doesn’t mind candy and doesn’t get sugar rushes. 

50. If your character was presented with imminent andunavoidable death/fatality, how would they react? Would they try to avoid deathanyways? Would they try to make their last days count?Do everything that she’d probably ever wanted to do without having to deal with the consequences 

[alsjeblieft-zeg]

09 of 2022

1. White or red wine?

White, red is too heavy for my head.

2. Who was the last person you hugged?

My spouse, I’m pretty sure about that.

3. Have you ever had a crush on a teacher?

I feel I’ve been asked this recently. No, I haven’t.

4. Where did your first kiss take place?

In our bed.

5. Do you prefer foxes or wolves?

Wolves, definitely.

6. What is your shoesize?

42 in European.

7. Do you prefer fruit or vegetables?

Vegetables.

8. Have you ever kissed a member of the same sex?

I’ve kissed only guys, so yeah, same sex. Unless kissing on the cheek counts, then I’ve kissed both. It’s normal here with friends.

9. Would you rather never fall in love again or never orgasm again?

Never orgasm, who needs that anyway. All my love is based on emotions, not sexuality.

10.What does your outfit consist of today?

All black. Black hoodie, black trousers and black boots.

11.What are your bust-waist-hip measurements?

I don’t even know anymore, but I know my size and that’s what matters.

12.Are you a hypocrite?

In a way, everyone is sometimes.

13.Why did you last cry?

Boys don’t cry.

14.What are your favourite smells?

Vanilla, cinnamon, speculoos cookies, the sea, the air before and after a thunderstorm.

15.What are your favourite textures?

Anything smooth.

16.Fur or feathers?

Feathers, if ever.

17.Tartan or tweed?

Tartan? What’s with all these questions.

18.Leopard print or neon?

Always neon. The little cybergoth in me has never died.

19.Any beauty tips?

What, do you expect them from a man? Ooohkay then. Be yourself, be genuine, this is always beautiful.

20.(Send me a fuck marry kill)

Does “fuck off” count?

21.If you won a LOT of money the lottery and decided to move, where would you move to?

The Netherlands. I seem to have a thing for Dutch guys.

22.Alcoholic beverage of choice?

Jupiler, I’m simple lol.

23.What is more attractive: Nice hands or nice feet?

What even, feet are always disgusting. Hands are beautiful, though.

24.What’s the youngest you would consider dating?

I don’t know, 25? Love has no age anyway, unless you fall for a minor.

25.If you were around in the sixties would you be a mod or a rocker?

A rocker, definitely.

26.Are thongs sexy?

No, they aren’t. It’s just a fucking underwear.

27.Did you grow up in a healthy environment?

Not really. Belgium has no legal drinking age, so yeah, there it is. Started early, I’m so bad.

28.What do you think of when I say “the twenties”?

The certain era?

29.Could you ever deliver a baby?

I’m a male. I don’t think it’s biologically possible yet.

30.Is penetration important to you?

It’s not even on a list of my priorities. Like, there are better things to do.

31.What did your last text read?

Something from my phone provider.

32.Can you ride a bicycle?

Yeah, before getting disabled I was even getting caught by speed radars lol. I haven’t tried in afew months, though, because of my malfunctioning hand.

33.What sport were you best at in high school?

Basketball. I’ve even been a semi-professional player, about to have a career, but then I was diagnosed with that epilepsy thing and my dream was crushed. It was the only thing to keep me sane. I was 16 when I had to stop playing.

34.Who do you miss right now?

J. I haven’t seen him in a while.

35.What was the last alcoholic beverage you consumed?

White wine with grape juice mixed in.

36.Paris, London and New York… which one would you live in, which would you visit for a day, which would you visit for a fortnight?

I would love to reside in all three, if I was rich enough, I would buy a house or apartment in each.

37.What is your sexuality?

Something like grey-homoromantic asexual, but I don’t label myself too much, I usually say I’m gay, if I ever say anything at all. I don’t even talk about my orientation.

38.Heavy rain or heatwave?

Heatwave, then I would spend days by the sea.

39.Chicken or fish?

Both, but rarely. I typically don’t like meat.

40.Do you think suits are sexy?

No, they are boring.

[veeritesblog]

Pu La ’s transformational stories: Cultural Symbiosis in his story Pestonji or Peston Kaka: When I shared my earlier blog on Pu La (Acharya P K Atre’s article on him in Maratha 1965) with one of my creative writer Marathi Playwright friend he didn’t seem to be pleased on my choice of writers : Prahlad Keshav Atre and Purushottam Lakshman Deshpande. The possible reason could be that these writers being pro establishment or that they were not vociferously supporting the class and caste annihilation through their writing. Their sensibilities were probably close to the middle class. My friend and host of others are surely still under the spell of Marx and his ideas of social transformation. Therefore, I have deliberately given the title to this blog as ‘Transformational Stories of Pu La’ However, in today’s post modern world in which we believe that technology is a great leveller it will be wrong to straight jacket writers in certain categories or classify them among the various sections in the society. Atre was the first playwright after Deval’s Sharada and Gadkari’s Sindhu who made the woman to leave the family in his play Gharabaher (घराबाहेर) Later M G Rangnekar adapted Ibsen’s Doll’s House in his Kulvadhu (कुलवधू) In our blindly following western critics and their theories we throw all old writers in the category of pro-establishment writers. This has two serious bad effects. The literature in which today’s young generation might take keen interest .. we are deliberately drawing them away from those classics. In our attempt to force them to toe our intellectual line we give them exposure only to so called anti establishment literature which is not read out of literature classes in which there is a miniscule minority of young reading public and they too read it for the sake of examinations. My friend’s anger on Pu La seems to be in this line. However, how can we forget his Phulrani? (ती फुलराणी) , the beautiful adaptation of My Fair Lady, which was an adaptation of Shaw’s Pygmalion. In the original play Shaw has shown the transformation of a slum girl who sells flowers into a princess by the means of her refined language and polished manners which she displays in a public gathering. Mastery on language transforms our personality. Our status in society changes irrespective of our family background. I as a student and teacher of English have experienced this in my career of 33 years. Students who took hard efforts at their B A English in a college in whatever small village in India in last few decades have been extremely successful in their career in big metros as teachers of English, advocates , corporate persons , bank officers etc. Now, when I see actual message of Shaw’s play transformed in reality like this how can I term him as old fashioned pro establishment writer, pro empire writer and how can I force my students to uphold only modern playwrights because we have given them the label of anti establishment? Does the so called modern sensibility mean to throw all that’s old into a dustbin? There is indeed a sound alternative to that. We must Re introduce our students and reading public to old classics but in a different transformational perspective. Well , the whole discussion is diverted to the importance of these old writers and searching a new insight in their works. The work under discussion here is a story by Pu La called Peston Kaka ( the English version would be Pestonji ) in which an Asst Foreman, who worked earlier under the British officers , is now retired from Railway and he is shown as having extremely high knowledge and taste in classical music (Abdul Karim Khan), religious compositions (Gopala karuna kyon nahi ave of Khansaheb , Tukaram’s abhangas of Vishnupant Pagnis) , Hindu spirituality (Vivekananda, Siddharur Swami in Hubli … by the way this Siddharur Swami is referred by Ashok Ranade in his interview of Pt Mallikarjun Mansur… taken in 1960-70s for Doordarshan but available on You Tube …I don’t know how the name is spelt or pronounced .. Siddharur or Siddharood, another point I want to make here is that Pt Mansur ran away from home two times and his father anxiously brought him to this Swamy .. obviously a Lingayat Mathpati Swamy .. and Ranade tells us that this Swamy was a great supporter of music. He had blessed Pt Keshavrao Bhosale who is considered as a better natyageet exponent than Balgandharva or Master Dinanath Mangeshkar .. reference Vidyadhar Gokhale .. well my point is that can someone give me one name and of a Hindu Swami or a spiritual leader who blessed art and music and gave to the listening public such diamonds like Keshavrao and Mansur ? Now , the Karveer Peeth Shankaracharya Vidyanand Bharati was a Keertankar and is the son of a great Gwalior Gharana singer Keertankar Karhadkar Buva but his gayaki is lost in the heavily ritualistic nature of Hindu religion .. I’m sorry to say this but it’s a fact. I have heard this Karveer Shankaracharya ’s Keertan in my childhood and have been fortunate to chew the first ever areca nut .. or arica nut .. सुपारी to put it in simple terms from his nut cracker अडकित्ता sitting on his laps, so my observation is based on my own experience) , … Well, coming back to Peston Kaka .. He displays this knowledge in informal talk to the writer in a train journey. He is such a romantic and loving husband that he is still sensually tickled at the age of 78 when his wife pinches him. I think Pu La attacks the very pro-establishment middle class sensibility by portraying this character. Music, Literature , Spirituality is not the ‘jagir’ or monopoly of a certain caste or class. Whoever is exposed to good music, effective communication skills at an early age can easily share the elitist sensibility or can move with confidence among intellectuals, corporate persons and scholars. Pu La gets down at the next station and he shows the stark contrast between his own seemingly hypocrite ideas of being famous, having high taste and a scholar and Peston Kaka (actually under You Tube the pronunciation is written in Marathi as पेस्तन काका so I spelled it as Pestan earlier but my Parsee friend corrected it as Peston and I wrote this blog with corrections and additions) who has entered into the core of music and literature. The thing to be noted is that he is not a teacher , artiste or a professional… these type of middle class persons are popularly portrayed by writers or are popularly considered by general public as the owners of good taste in music , stage and literature. (Read this as : Marathi middle class , Puneites , Mumbaikars or all such people living in other towns but who take pride in displaying a lineage to these towns) … Peston Kaka was born in Mumbai but he has settled in Hubli (actually Hubli , Dharwad are the towns which are again described by Punekars as small Punes but these towns gave great artistes like Pt Bhimsen Joshi , Vidushi Gangubai Hangal to Hindustani Classical Music and since Bhimsen chose Pune for certain autobiographical concerns in his life Punekars got the advantage to associate them to great Marathi middle class taste. Pt Kumar Gandharva from Athni and Pt Mallikarjun Mansur from the village with his surname .. these artistes hail from Karnataka) Peston Kaka is from Mumbai and is settled in Hubli .. he refers to Ustad Abdul Karim Khan Saheb singing his famous bhajan in Bhairavi “ Gopala karuna kyon nahi aave .. गोपाला करूणा कयों नही आवे। .. in a concert in Hubli. Karim Khan Saheb lived in Miraj. He founded the Kirana Gharana. His disciple Rambhau Kundgolkar alias Pt Sawai Gandharva lived in Kundgol near Jamkhindi . Bhimsen , Firoze Dastur lived at Kundgol and learnt music from him. Gangubai used to travel from Dharvad to Kundgol and learnt from him. Though Bhimsen earned great status to Kirana Gharana by his extremely hard efforts , strong voice and terrific strength of his lungs (he was a wrestler earlier in his childhood) other two artistes were also of immense capacities. The referred composition गोपाला was sustained in the memory of the listening public primarily by another Parsee (like Peston Kaka , the topic of this blog) Pt Firoze Dastur. I will share another video of Pt Dastur on You Tube .. a DD Bangla program .. where he is seen presenting गोपाला and you can see Bhimsen and Pt Kanan on the first row among the audience. The point was that Pu La has deliberately portrayed this character of Peston Kaka who is beyond all popular criteria of music and culture loving middle class in Maharashtra. He is a Parser, a foreman, eats mutton openly , says ‘sala, sala ’ which is otherwise an abusive term but talks about Vivekanand , Siddharur Swamy, Shivanand as great divine souls. He considers Vishnupant Pagnis as the very Tukaram who lived among us. He insists Pu La to sing ‘Aadhi beej ekale , beej ankurale roap wadhle आधी बीज एकले , बीज अंकूरले , रोप वाढले .. the seed comes first , then the sapling grows from it .. the Abhang of Tukaram made famous by Vishnupant in the movie. Peston Kaka becomes the very Tukaram in that railway compartment itself imagining Vishnupant who has entered in his mind and body at that moment. Such oneness with the divine through art and music is more valuable according to Pu La than all middle class hypocrite babble of how they love music and literature. This also applies to the whole class of people who talk of Pu La as their favourite writer. They have indeed not still understood the real message in Pu La ’s writings and his personality. Pu La’s great admiration for Peston Kaka is the indication of his strong belief in equality in society through art , music and literature. Therefore , I’m surprised by my friend Marathi playwright’s sarcastic question to me about the significance of Pu La as the choice of the writer in my blog. What happens after these Abhangas rendered by Pu La exclusively for Peston Kaka in that train journey is also important. Pu La tells us that organisers of his speech , people who have come to greet him on the station greet him with 'crest fallen stale flowered bouquet … what Pu La actually indicates here is the deep down hypocrisy and double standards of the middle class. They do everything just for its display value. Peston Kaka , however, openly orders non veg food in the compartment while Pu La eats home made tiffin …. there is fantastic ability of self ridicule in this writer. ( I had stopped this discussion at 5.46 pm on 14-5-2017 and completed it in this Re-blog at 1.14 am 15-5-2017. )

[chocolatequeennk]

To Make Much of Time chapter 33, commentary track

Requested by @lastbluetardis when I mentioned I was doing a few author’s choice tracks, mostly from the Timelessness ‘verse. I always forget how much of a standout moment this in the series, until someone else mentions it.

To Make Much of Time 

Checking out was simply a matter of turning in their key cards, and fifteen minutes later, they were crossing the threshold of the TARDIS. “Want to tell me what’s bothering you?” the Doctor asked quietly.

Rose flashed him a smile. “I’m fine,” she said.

Ah, no she’s not. Because now they know that her lifespan comes close to his, and she’s just realised that means she’s going to live much, much longer than her mum. 

To her surprise, hurt pulsed across the bond. “Don’t lie to me, Rose,” he said in a low voice. “I’ve mastered the fake smile and blithe ‘I’m fine;’ that trick would never fool me. Plus everything here,” he tapped the side of his head, “says you’re not fine.”

Rose gaped at him, embarrassed at being caught out and yet still unable to tell him what was wrong.

That’s where the idea began. The simple fact that the kind of telepathic connection they have now would make it impossible to lie--especially about what you’re feeling. 

If you’re thinking, “Oh, how hypocritical of the Doctor to be this upset! He does this all the time!” Well... keep reading.

He swallowed and looked away from her, and the light from the time rotor threw his profile into shadows. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to, but please, don’t lie.”

The sight of his slumped shoulders pushed Rose into action. She crossed the distance between them and took his hand, waiting for him to turn back to face her. When she could look into his eyes, she said, “I’m sorry, Doctor. I just need some time to think it through before I talk about it, all right?”

He relaxed a little and nodded.

Who can stand idle in the face of Sad!Doctor? Not Rose. But it’s completely fair of her to want to think through her new revelation before she talks about it with the Doctor, so she comes up with a compromise.

Rose looked down at the dimensionally transcendent suitcase he still held in his other hand. “Why don’t you take that to our room and unpack, and I’ll go to the study and try to work this out. I’ll meet you in the galley for tea.”

His smile was small, but genuine. “All right. And if you need me before that…”

She smiled. “I’ll let you know.” He nodded again, and Rose walked around the centre console to the corridor that led to the study.

Boy, this scene from Rose’s point of view is so different from what’s going on in the Doctor’s head. I loved telling it from her POV, so the reader learned the full story at the same time as she did... but it makes it hard to write this commentary without giving everything away.

Rose’s hands twitched at her sides as she walked. The Doctor’s deep hurt when she’d tried to fob him off shook her. She couldn’t filter through everything he was thinking, but for a second, she’d thought… it seemed like he was doubting that she’d be able to cope with the complete intimacy of the marriage bond, if she couldn’t handle what they already had.

------------

“On Gallifrey…” He swallowed, and the knot in Rose’s stomach tightened. “There was a rule… it was just understood… Lying to your bond mate just wasn’t done. It was like a slap in the face, because with a bond, a lie would be so… obvious. It was seen as a flagrant disregard for the bond.”

I love Rose’s growing awareness that whatever she did was much worse than just lying. Or that there’s something more to it than that. And then when the Doctor begins his explanation by bringing up Gallifrey, she knows she really messed up. 

Also, this is why it isn’t hypocritical for the Doctor to be upset with her for deflecting his questions with a glib lie. Yes, he does that a lot, but the situation is different now. And he hasn’t lied to her once since they bonded over a month ago. Not lying to your bond mate is that deep a cultural rule that he was able to change his behaviour almost immediately.

Rose’s first instinct was to protest that she hadn’t known, that he should have told her that, but she forced it back. She’d obviously hurt him, whether she’d been aware of this social custom or not. (And her conscience nagged at her, saying she’d known it was wrong, even if she hadn’t been aware of the cultural taboo.)

“Doctor, I am so, so sorry. I never meant… I didn’t know…” Her voice trailed off.

I love the expression on her face here. Because even though she didn’t understand, and she didn’t mean to, she’s hurt the Doctor deeply. That’s all that matters. 

I love the idea of this cultural rule, and Rose stumbling into it because she’s unaware. I also love that it gave me a chance to have her be the one who does something that hurts or upsets him, rather than the other way around. Romance tends to fall into the rut of the man always being the one who needs to change. If the woman has issues, they’re understandable and sympathetic. I try hard not to fall into that pattern.

He closed his eyes. “I know you didn’t, Rose. But that wasn’t the only reason it hurt. You didn’t… You tried to brush me off without even considering that I would know you weren’t fine. It was like you forgot about our bond completely.”

The same doubt she’d felt earlier washed over her, but this time it was stronger. Rose went up on her knees and grabbed his hand. “Doctor, no!” She floundered for words that would bridge this culture gap. “I knew you could tell I was upset—I felt you asking when I was in the shower.”

You and me both! Because there’s you all sad and feeling rejected by Rose, and then there’s Rose, feeling absolutely horrible that she’s hurt you so much.

This scene is really vital in their process of getting to know each other better. It’s their first major disagreement as a couple, the first time in a long time that Rose has really done something to hurt the Doctor, the first time maybe that she understand she has the ability to hurt him like this. 

He looked at her again, his brows drawn together. “Then why did you…?”

“I just needed to work though my thoughts before I talked to you. I swear, that’s all I meant.” Rose held his gaze for a long moment, and finally, she felt his uncertainty recede.

Her instincts told her to sink into their bond and let him feel her regret and love, but first she wanted to find some middle ground on this particular cultural difference. “Could we… Maybe, ‘I’m all right,’ could be like, a code word?”

“For ‘I’m really not all right at all?’”

“But I’m not ready to talk about it yet.”

Yup. I absolutely did what you think I did. Because while it’s true that Rose shouldn’t have lied to the Doctor, regardless of cultural rule, it was that Gallifreyan more that made this hurt so much--and she couldn’t have been expected to know that. Plus, brushing off personal questions with an “I’m fine” when you don’t want to talk about them is acceptable in human culture, even though we know the person is lying. 

It was important they find a compromise on this point, and this works really well. They’ve each used it a few times since then, Rose more than the Doctor. 

The first smile she’d seen from the Doctor since they left Barcelona crept over his face. “That’s an acceptable compromise,” he agreed. He looked down at her. “Can I hold you now?”

Rose stood up and let him pull her into his lap. He wrapped his arms around her and held her close, and they both sighed at the contact.

With a choked sob of relief, Rose raised her hand to his temple. She looked for permission, and when he nodded, she made contact and slipped into his mind. The Doctor met her, and she embraced him, letting him feel how much she loved him. I am so sorry. Our bond means everything to me; I’d never forget it.

The Doctor let Rose apologise and comfort him. Her words had felt like a physical blow, and he needed this reassurance that she loved him and wanted to be with him.

Have I mentioned the shocking lack of cuddle scenes? It’s shocking, I tell you. 

But here we go. They’ve talked through their disagreement, come to understand each other’s positions, and reached a compromise. 

This is my favourite thing about writing this series. I love writing them in a healthy relationship. Healthy doesn’t mean they never disagree--it’s all about how they handle their disagreements. Do they respect each other as they try to work through them? Do they listen, even when they’re hurt and angry? Do they continue to love each other, even when they’re really, really angry?

For me, I won’t ship a couple if I don’t think they could have a healthy relationship. It’s not just about feelings and attraction. I have to think they would be good for each other. And in this case, I definitely do. 

Fast forward a little over three years, and the Doctor and Rose just went through the biggest fight they have ever had. Ever, as in since the day they met. Bigger than this, bigger than Father’s Day... bigger than other things that have taken place in the series between this point and where they are now. 

And I wrapped it up in a chapter. Not because I didn’t explore the hurt on both sides, but because they’ve had years of practice in dealing with problems in a healthy way.

[kitty-kat-ty]

Wanna know me?!

Skip it, if you don’t wanna know me

This was from an ask but I’m going to tag to… @cottonballwithmustache because I’m very curious to know you.. and to @rainbowatnight @manju-girl @phoenix-kiyota @quincette @viridian99 and I can’t remember anyone else.

0: Height? 1,55cm or 5'1

1: Virgin? nope

2: Shoe size? 34 or 6 (?)

3: Do you smoke? Nope

4: Do you drink? yes, water and juice XD

5: Do you take drugs? Nope

6: Age you get mistaken for? 20

7: Have tattoos? Nope  

8: Want any tattoo? Yes, I want a huge dragon on my back throwing fire…XD

9: Got any piercing? the ones on the ears count?

10: Want any piercing? on my belly button 😄

11: Best friend?  I have two in rl and two in tumblr @phoenix-kiyota and @manju-girl  and more  😀

12: Status Relationship? Happily, I’m a single lady 😄

13: Biggest turns ons? whispering at my ear and kissing my neck -and my freaky imagination about my 2D men-

14: Biggest turn offs? smoking

15: Favorite movie? LOTR all the saga

16: I’ll love you if.. you talk with me and made me forget my problems

17: Someone you miss? uh…  there are many but to my Dad… I wish he could be here again 😇

18: Most traumatic experience? Let’s say I had a very bad luck finding nasty men in rl

19: A fact about your personality? I’m crazy XD well, I like yo troll

20: What I hate most about myself? My lack of vision

21: What I love most about myself? My imagination.

22: What I want to be when I get older? An older woman who pester all the people away and do extreme sports

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)? teasing and playful

24: My relationship with my parent(s)? I get along with my mum like friends, but sometimes we fight over nothing … I guess that’s because I  can’t shut up.

25: My idea of a perfect date? A sweet date on the beach at night with a starry sky and a shiny moon, the water under our feet and walking around talking nonsense and about the life.

26: My biggest pet peeves? my what? !…. I don’t know

27: A description of a girl/boy I like? Tall, smart, sexy, no easygoing,  he should love challengers and be independent and much more,  but I’m lazy to think more about him.

28: A description of a person I dislike the most? nasty, hypocrite, too bossy, think that can conquer all, no respect the persons and their wishes, manipulator.

29: A reason I have lied to a friend? To no see them suffer. But after notice they can stand the true I tell them for their own sake.

30: What I hate the most about work/school? wake up early, work like an donkey and listen orders all day.

31: what your last text message says? Why do you not answer to me? !

32: What words upset me the most? when the men “compliment” me on the street or coming from a man who I just meet. Because they are nasty and all of them sound fake.

33: What words make me feel the best about myself? “well done”, or “this is delicious”

34: What I find attractive/admire in a woman? Her independence and strong temper. That reminds me somehow like an example or model to follow.

35: What i find attractive/admire in a man? He’s cold head before some situations where I usually explote  and his sly mind.

36: Where I’d like to live? in the moon

37: One of my insecurities? no be enough to fill anything.

38: My childhood career choice? Astronaut

39: My favourite ice cream flavour? Napolitano, 🍇🍫 could I add some peanuts? ! 😀

40: Who wish I could be? A famous dancer

41: Where I want to be right now? In the living room because I’m burning like a fried egg in my room.

42: The last thing I ate? chile with onions and some tuna mixed with vinegar and salt companion with some rice and plantain fried.

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind right now? Can I say two… Yasu and Saizo… 😶😶😶😶

A random fact about anything? I like blabbering too much all the time

[gospelmusic]

Catholic Daily Reading, 13 June 2020

Saturday June 13, 2020 Weekday (10) Vestment: White Today’s Rosary: The Joyful Mystery St Anthony of Padua, P.D Memorial FIRST READING “Elisha arose and went after Elijah, and ministered to him.” A reading from the first Book of Kings (1 Kings 19:19-21) In those days: Elijah departed from Mount Horeb, and found Elisha the son of Shaphat, who was ploughing, with twelve yoke of oxen before him, and he was with the twelfth. Elijah passed by him and cast his mantle upon him. And he left the oxen, and ran after Elijah, and said, “Let me kiss my father and my mother, and then I will follow you.” And he said to him, “Go back again; for what have I done to you?” And he returned from following him, and took the yoke of oxen, and slew them, and boiled their flesh with the yokes of the oxen, and gave it to the people, and they ate. Then he arose and went after Elijah, and ministered to him. The word of the Lord. RESPONSORIAL PSALM Psalm 16: 1-2a and 5.7-8.9- 10 (R. see 5a) R/. It is you, O Lord, who are my portion. Preserve me, O God, for in you I take refuge. I say to the Lord, “You are my Lord.” O Lord, it is you who are my portion and cup; you yourself who secure my lot. R. I will bless the Lord who gives me counsel, who even at night directs my heart. I keep the Lord before me always; with him at my right hand, I shall not be moved. R. And so, my heart rejoices, my soul is glad; even my flesh shall rest in hope. For you will not abandon my soul to hell, nor let your holy one see corruption. R. ALLELUIA Psalm 119:36a.29b Alleluia. Bend my heart, O God, to your decrees, grant me mercy by your law. Alleluia. GOSPEL  “I say to you, “Do not swear at all.” A reading from the holy Gospel according to Matthew (Matthew 5 :33-37) At that time: Jesus said to his disciples, “Again you have heard that it was said to the men of old, ‘You shall not swear falsely, but shall perform to the Lord what you have sworn.’ But I say to you, Do not swear at all, either by heaven, for it is the throne of God, or by the earth, for it is his footstool, or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great King. And do not swear by your head for you cannot make one hair white or black. Let what you say be simply ‘Yes’ or ‘No'; anything more than this comes from the Evil One.” The Gospel of the Lord. Today’s Reflection Today more than ever there is a need to walk the talk on our part. Living a life worthy of our calling makes us faithful witnesses of Jesus here on earth. Our personal integrity and commitment will make us trustworthy and will lead us to become true and faithful disciples of Jesus. We come across many performers in Christianity today who tempt people with their ‘offer’ to change and become like Christ. However, these performers lack credibility, as the values of the beatitudes have not touched them yet. A genuine messenger of Christ should make his or her conscience a guide to the truth. Jesus wants his followers to possess kindness, honesty, compassion, justice, transparency and pure motives and only these will help us to live a gospel based life. Today's Saint and Quote: St Anthony of Padua – June 13th - Christ acts like a loving mother. To induce us to follow Him, He gives us Himself as an example and promises us a reward in His kingdom. - Christians must lean on the Cross of Christ just as travelers lean on a staff when they begin a long journey. - Earthly riches are like the reed. Its roots are sunk in the swamp, and its exterior is fair to behold; but inside it is hollow. If a man leans on such a reed, it will snap off and pierce his soul. - Attribute to God every good that you have received. If you take credit for something that does not belong to you, you will be guilty of theft. Personal Devotional "When you give something to a needy person, so not make a big show of it, as the hypocrites do in the houses of worship and on the streets. They have already been paid in full". Matthew 6:2 - Pray that our hearts will continue to be sensitized to the pain of those in need and that God will help us to remain committed to generous living. - Pray for the orphan, widows and widowers that God may assist them. - Pray for all accident victims in the hospitals that the Lord may hasten their healing. - Pray that Christians everywhere will be empowered by the Holy Spirit to be strong in the face of opposition and to share and live out their faith without fear. Let Us Pray Dear Jesus my shepherd, give me courage and strength to overcome my fears, to stand firm in my faith, to live in accordance with your word, to walk the path of truth and love even when it is dangerous. Grant me the grace to share my gift with my fellow breathren especially those that have non around me. Grant me the courage to have dogged trust in your care and protection over me even in the midst of darkest situation.

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