#our experiences are valid

[acecubus]

The most heartbreaking and loneliest part of being on the aromantic/asexual spectrum is that, even if you try and explain to people how you feel about all that shit, they still don't understand what you're saying.

I am happy with myself, and I am not less happy just because it's enough for me to experience love in a different way than most people. Especially since I identify as aego-aroace.

Yes, I do not feel sexual or romantic attraction. However, that does not mean I can't enjoy thoughts about either, especially if it doesn't involve me. I prefer reading about different pairings or creating characters myself who may or may not get to live happy ever after with their loved one. I like the idea of having a relationship, but I do not need one to feel the same amount of comfort and happiness as allosexual/alloromantic people do.

I am valid. My experiences are valid. Telling me or people like me that I "haven't met the right person" or "am too young to know yet" is painful. I am not broken!

The amount of days I cried myself to sleep because I've got told things that made me feel like my very existence is not enough, even though I should know it's not true. Sometimes it feels like everyone else is awake while I'm in a coma, destined to never wake up, I'm on pause while the world is spinning around me.

I am a 24 years old adult human being and I've come to terms with my identity like 13 years ago when I was still a child - the only difference is back then I didn't knew there was a term for how I felt.

Just because the dress is blue/black for me while someone else sees it white/gold doesn't change the fact that it is still a dress - iykwim.

Thanks for coming to my ted talk.

[brianmayism]

YES the last part too! Emotional and mental health are just as important as physical health! That includes making time for yourself and allowing yourself to do things that you actually enjoy.

My mom gets mad at me that I sleep at 3am and wake up for uni at 6:30 on my own personal choice but like bro I study the entire day (until like 1am)--because that's how demanding my program is-- after I wake up, and that's how I cope with how stressful uni is.

I can somehow relate to previous reblog but in a different perspective/situation. I was diagnosed late with ADHD and it's believed to have aided me to develop some kind of perfectionism related to how I was raised (yes, lots of asian countries live up to the perfectionist stereotypes). At 6 to 14 I would stay up to 12am to study, do art, study music, maintain my membership in scholarship groups in school, join the choir and bands, etc. I got so tired of the routine and began to do the "normal" person routines like social media, etc. and I was always punished for it. If my dad saw me using my phone for a minute instead of studying, I literally got ass whooping. The attitude remains in me, obv. The way you grow up leaves a mark. I get mad at myself for very tiny flaws and feeling stagnant in life. But I guess my college program is somehow helping me to understand myself more and lessen these tendencies.

It's sad. During our childhood and adolescent years, we're still learning so much about ourselves and I think it's incredibly mean and aggressive to force children (I think ppl forget teens are children too!) to be busy with their lives this way 24/7 and make them feel guilty for the rest they have the RIGHT to. At this point society makes you feel that rest is a fucking privilege it's insane.

I hope we all learn to be kind to ourselves with the manner that we know, be it laying in bed all day, spending money, eating, etc. all with moderation. Also hope we could break the toxic cycle.

So yes. When you ask me if I'm busy, I am. I am busy cuddling w my dog. Yes I'm busy eating. I'm fucking busy reading smut fics. I'm extremely busy watching tiktoks. Don't bother me again.

“If you have time to watch Netflix you have time for a side hustle” my side hustle is relaxing so that my body and brain can heal from by this nose-to-the-grindstone bullshit. I refuse to feel guilty for being a human with the need to relax sometimes. my side hustle is no.

[blakbonnet]

can I also just - so everytime I've come across a piece of Ed art where his skin is too light, I've sent an anon ask or DM to the artist - explaining very politely why they should redo the piece and the history of racism in this fandom. And every single time (except one asshole), artists have reacted well to this and understood my point, and some have even reposted the piece after correcting their mistake.

Idk that makes me happy, to have the freedom to say that and not have to deal with butthurt artists. Most people are kind, but you have to start from a place of trying to educate and idk not start a witchhunt, if you truly genuinely want them to do better.

[not-so-superheroine]

Jesus is my older brother, not my dad.

other christians don't seem to feel the same?

am i missing something where he insists on such a thing except perhaps with actual little children?

[our-arospec-experience]

I love that I can recognize when I'm physically/aesthetically attracted to people while maintaining full confidence that I'm AroAce :] People are CUTE People are PRETTY People are BEAUTIFUL godammit!!

-🍜 anon

Yes! It's so beautiful when that happens!

[thepoisonroom]

'I flirted with the idea that instead of being trans that I was just a cross-dresser (a quirk, I thought, that could be quietly folded into an otherwise average life) and that my dysphoria was sexual in nature, and sexual only. And if my feelings were only sexual, then, I wondered, perhaps I wasn’t actually trans.

I had read about a book called The Man Who Would Be Queen, by a Northwestern University professor who believed that transwomen who were attracted to women were really confused fetishists, they wanted to be women to satisfy an autogynephilia. And though I first read about this book in the context of its debunkment and disparagement, I thought about the electricity of slipping on those tights, zipping up those boots, and a stream of guilt followed. Maybe this professor was right, and maybe I was only a fetishist. Not trans, just a misguided boy.

About a year later, on the Internet, I come across a transwoman who added a unique message to the crowd refuting this professor. Oh, I wish I remember who this woman was, and I wish even more that I could do better than paraphrase her, but I remember her saying something like this: “Well, of course I feel sexy putting on women’s clothing and having a woman’s body. If you feel comfortable in your body for the first time, won’t that probably mean it’ll be the first time you feel comfortable, too, with delighting in your body as a sexual thing?”'

-Casey Plett, Consciousness

[rollercoasterwords]

yeah u can put "i hate jkr" and "fuck terfs" in ur tumblr bio but. can u listen + reflect when a trans woman criticizes hp fandom without immediately getting defensive.....

[aropride]

u can literally talk abt ur own experiences with transphobia and people being violent or bigoted or cruel towards you because you're a trans man and people will compare you to deranged conspiracy theorists for daring to say you might experience discrimination. it's fucking crazy like what level of internet brainrot do you have to have to think it's helpful on any level to deny someone's experiences and call them conspiracy theorists because they're a trans man and "men aren't oppressed" or whatever

[hms-incorrect-quotes]

Mind: I suppose you think that’s cute. What it makes you is a fraud.

Heart: yeah but i’m a cute fraud though right?

[our-lesboy-experience]

it's upsetting to see people online against your identity who are queer, themselves. I'm mostly desensitized to it because I'm trans lol, but I do still experience frustration towards the people so hellbent on ripping apart the queer community with their intolerance. Just pick up a book, listen to other people about their experiences for ONCE in your life, people. 'Oh it's just fetishistic cis men' when a huge chunk of us are multigender, or nonbinary, or anything but cis and/or binary men. And yes, there are binary men who are lesboys who deserve just as much respect and I'm tired of accepting this idea that if you're a binary man you cannot be a lesbian, cis or otherwise. It's absurd to pretend that sexuality is a box with correct and incorrect ways of being, because that's what cishet homophobes believe too. It's no better to be anti lesboy than homophobic.

I know, when we're placed in a world that seems so man centered, and you're pressured to be into men as a woman when you're not, you can feel insulted by lesbian men and stuff like that. But once you learn that queer people being queer differently than you aren't trying to hurt you, you'll thank yourself for it. Once I stopped believing in some made up rules, my rollercoaster of an identity isn't so confusing or stressful anymore. We can view gender AND sexuality like this, and that's where a good chunk of progressives fall flat. Because when the average person thinks of 'lesbian' they think of women attracted to women exclusively, with hardly any room for gender fuckery or malleable attraction... and the 'nonman x nonman' definition isn't much better. It's still rigid with its allowances.

It's time to leave boxes behind as a community. That's why when I'm elected as president-

sirenium is going to be participating in the election this november. make sure to vote lesboy no matter who

[mephist0phallus]

Idk I think sometimes when a trans guy is talking people listen to respond. And what they’re listening for is any indication that we’re faking it, arguing we have it worse, or crying to be let into the Club for Big People Problems. There’s enough weird fucked up abuses going on for all trans folks to get a turn talking about ours, and I’m not going to preface every sentence with that or disclaim the ways other individuals are going through worse. I’m not the Longsufferingest Man Ever but I’m not going to pretend I’m Mr Leastsufferingest.

[critterchitters-closedcaptions]

saw something in the fictive tag here that bugs me.

if you have exomemories thats fine. you arent "wrong" or "faking" if you remember things from your source.

also, you arent "wrong" or "faking" if you Dont remember things from your source.

can we all just live and get along please. you dont have to go at someone else's throat just because you experience plurality differently.

[luckycheesefoodie321]

Parents bringing their kiddos to see the latest Pixar movie and getting their shit absolutely ROCKED and the kids who aren’t quite at that mental stage of development gonna be sitting there wondering why tf their adults are sobbing their eyes out.

[giantkillerjack]

Uh-oh! You are like, SOOO awkward!!

You're so awkward that it is occasionally mildly uncomfortable for people!

You're so awkward that sometimes people are confused by you and then there are awkward silences!

You're so awkward ...... that ultimately no one is harmed!!

Oh damn!!! What a vile crime you have committed! What an unforgivable thing it is to make a fellow human briefly confused!

Why, if *I* were ever briefly confused and kind of uncomfortable as a result, I'd be devastated.... by the absolute net zero change in my happiness and health! - From which I might never recover!! Yes indeed! No punishment can ever be enough for you!!

So you better absolutely hate yourself for it.

Better be SO MEAN to yourself about every single missed social cue so you don't forget your horrible crime! Meaner than you'd ever dream of being to someone else for the same thing! This is YOUR responsibility!

You need to show the world that you KNOW you are bad by punishing yourself constantly! After all, think of all the people who BENEFIT from you punishing yourself! - No, really! Think about it! Think about who benefits from your pain.

Think of alllllll the definitely-good people that your definitely-necessary self-torment definitely helps! I mean, you can't just cut off their definitely-life-sustaining supply of your suffering, right?? Sure, everyone else has a breaking point, but you're probably the only person in human history who doesn't, right? Best not to question it probably. Sure, it's a symptom that billions of people with trauma have had, but who knows? You could be a one-in-seven-billion exception. Anything's possible!

Instead, better just accept that idea that bullies carry like guns in holsters - the idea that people who have trouble with social cues deserve to suffer. Better carry on the burden they placed on you until you drop. Aid the cause of the callous by enforcing shame and suffering upon yourself extra hard; try your best to do their work for them. They're very busy.

Better not recognize that you need patience and kindness to heal from your trauma. Better not find out that it was trauma rather than personal weakness filling your head with self-hating thoughts. Better not find out it wasn't your fault.

Better not find out that awkwardness is not inherently harmful or unkind, and, in fact, the people who act like it is *are the ones enacting harm and being cruel.*

Better not get righteously angry when you realize just how much unnecessary damage this has done to you. After all, if you get mad, you might realize you deserve better. You might even feel brave enough to DEMAND better! You might build boundaries that keep you safe! You might make other people think they deserve to feel safe too! And we obviously can't be having that, so...

Better not show yourself even a little kindness a little bit at a time.

Better not make a habit out of it after all that practice.

Better not get confident.

Especially if you can't first wipe out every trace of awkward. (And you probably never will. Because people who experience absolute social certainty at all times tend to be insufferable assholes that enforce the status quo. And you just don't have the stock portfolio for that.)

Better not be confident and awkward because then you might confuse and delight people

- you might accidentally end up making other people feel less shame for their social difficulties

- you might make isolated, traumatized, and shy people feel like they deserve to be included in social situations

- you might even make them feel they can be themselves around you

- you might start loving the effect you have on a room

- you might enjoy conversations more

- you might forgive yourself and bounce back from shame more easily and frequently

- you might come to enjoy some of those moments of harmless confusion you cause because NOBODY expects the Confident Awkward, and that can genuinely be an advantage in social situations

- you might stop apologizing so much.

- you might find that socializing is like a video game: it requires practice but also a safe space for it to be fun and positive.

Or if you can't become assertive and confident, better not remain awkward and shy and quiet, and then love and forgive yourself anyway!

Why, it would be carnage!!

In either scenario, you run the risk of finding out that it's not your fault that safe spaces full of kind people can be really hard to find, create, and nurture. You could end up building a skillset that helps you do those things if you're not careful!

If you start giving yourself even the tiniest amount of grace at a time, you will find that you've accessed a gateway drug with extreme long-term side effects:

- You might realize that it was never your fault that it took so long to like yourself.

- You might realize that you were always worth talking to, even when you didn't like yourself and communication felt impossibly difficult.

- You might realize that you'll still be worth talking to even if communication becomes harder as you age and/or experience disability.

- You might come to know that you deserve to be heard even on bad days when words come slow and blurry.

You might discover that you were always deserving of kindness, first and foremost from yourself.

So. As you can see, it's FAR too much of a risk to start granting your awkward self free pardons for your many heinous and harmless crimes. Better to just leave it there.

[sunsetzer]

On Elliott's ten heart event, because I have feelings about it that I haven't seen anyone else share yet:

Personally I was definitely thrown off for a second by the trembling thing, but I thought his ten heart event was really sweet. With the context of my farmer being a character who would be a little too nervous to initiate the first kiss between them, but absolutely would want to kiss him, I really liked it. I can see how people saw it differently though, especially if they are playing as themselves and not a separate character they've created, but it didn't strike me as creepy? I think if he got more upset following your rejection I could better understand where people were coming from, but even though you lose friendship points with him, he doesn't throw a tantrum or make you feel bad.

I think he just doesn't realize at that moment that he should ask for consent to kiss you. You're already in a relationship, and he's spent so much time reading and writing fiction that he probably just didn't consider discomfort being a possible response. Kissing someone you're in love with when you're at a loss for words is a common literary trope he's probably read dozens of times. He was going for “romantic boat ride following the successful publishing of the book you, his current partner, helped inspire him to write,” not “row you out to sea to isolate you so you can't escape if you don't want to be kissed”. I just don't believe it's in Elliott's character to force himself on anyone intentionally, and I can't imagine how anyone else can think he had malicious intentions with all of the context we have of who he is, what he does in his life, what he feels, etc. 

Should Elliott have asked for consent to kiss you? Yes, absolutely. Did he mean to take you somewhere you'd be completely alone and unable to escape so he could force himself on you? Absolutely not.

[our-arospec-experience]

NO idea if this counts as an aro experience, but mine is knowing solidly that im aroace, but also having a very strong connection to the lesbian label????

i think that in terms of aesthetic attraction (which is already intense for me), im more drawn to non-men so maybe its that? but im not sure n i keep getting worried im going to barge into a community and misuse their label skadfjsgdf

Use any labels that feel right to you!