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I got about ten minutes before I gotta start getting ready for work, BUT like this post for a muse roulette and when I get home tonight, I'll make starters from randomly chosen muses.
#if you're also a multi please specify which of YOUR muses you want it for#otherwise your like will be ignored
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@sillyxaly suggested Jw adopting SJ and it was too fun to brainrot about with @ace-shenanigans too.
Rest assured, no matter the au variation, as long as SJ is adopted by a tgcf character, he shall be the bane of Jw's existence and make him consider early retirement.
#very rushed doodles#not my best work but doubt quality is why you're here on this blog now are you#svsss#shen jiu#tgcf#jun wu#mei nianqing#implied junmei cause I love them and have a problem#original shen qingqiu#svsss au#tgcf au#JW just saw the kid and he is too like Mnq to ignore#the more he interacts with the kid the more he is starting to wonder if him and Mnq spawned this child without even touching in centuries#like the 2k yo virgins they are#sj is not amused. he is salting jw's tea and otherwise making his life a nuisance#jw tried the bwx thing but sj was not having it and honestly?#the emotional damage SJ retaliated with just does NOT make it worth it to torture the kid#you could stab him a 100 times and he'd still sass JW smth like#'this won't make your ex take you back you know'#'just because you can't own up to being a monster does not mean I can't'#'bitch why you need another to validate your life choices for you that you regret? dumbass'#anyway that path was quickly discarded by JW#really SJ is his perfect heir if only the kid didn't always do exactly what he does not want him to do out of pure spite#fun fact he is the sweetest lil momma's boi with mnq of course#because he knows mnq will adore him and side with him then#jw cannot win
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Were there any shorts that paired Bugs and Porky? Like the the only ones I can think of are from New Looney Tunes/Wabbit and I just know there had be shorts that starred just them before that.
OH MAN!!! OKAY. i'm going to preface this right now with: the answer is simple (tl;dr: barely, i'd say only one truly counts during the classic era) but the Porky and Bugs dynamic has become a side obsession for me within the past year or so, and i don't really have many opportunities to talk about it on this blog. so i will probably end up giving you way too much info than what you asked for. so there's the tldr above! and to reiterate it further...
SO. YES. to answer your question, they were occasionally paired together in the classics, but nothing really meaningful. Porky's Hare Hunt, which is a self-admitted rip on Porky's Duck Hunt, births a prototypal Bugs Bunny who could not be further from his fully realized counterpart... but there is a direct lineage.
this is the only short in the classics to have them actually talking to each other, and even then, proto-Bugs sounds nothing like how he would. i both count this one and don't, really... it's more interesting to count it, but, this isn't really Bugs. but as the title implies, it's all about Porky's attempts to hunt this screwy rabbit who keeps heckling him and slipping out of his fingers. it also births the Groucho Marx-ism of "of course you realize, this means war!" associated with the real Bugs, so there is that going for it!

interestingly, this model sheet surfaced a few months ago--Bob Clampett had said something in an interview about him helping out with the story for this one, and i always dismissed that as one of his "exaggerations" since he had a knack for making many mountains out of molehills, including his involvement in the origins of Bugs... but this does look like a Clampett or Clampett unit drawing, and the short was directed by Ben "Bugs" Hardaway, whose style was markedly different... so, just thought that was interesting! never got to talk about this yet. this model sheet is more appealing than the whole cartoon!
there's also this from Hare-um Scare-um, which is another proto-Bugs short... very prophetic honestly
there's also Any Bonds Today, where Porky appears in the background alongside Elmer and has at least one line to help shill war bonds, but it's really Bugs' thing first and foremost and he's just sort of there to look pretty and rouse jingoism through being a recognizable and "reliable" face
BUT! the next true Porky and Bugs short in 1943, which is more relevant to your question. A Corny Concerto is really only the "true" short that pairs them together... and it's for half the runtime of the short, and neither of them say a word to each other LOL. but they're together in the Tale of Vienna Woods segment, and i HIGHLY recommend watching it if you haven't yet--extremely entertaining and charming, and paints a very interesting glimpse of what a Porky and Bugs dynamic would look like, had that been a thing. very antagonistic! Porky is hunting Bugs again, who's heckling him (again), coming to a climax where he fakes Porky out by pretending to die and then slaps him in a gag that makes it look like Porky is being a masher. normal stuff.
and thanks to this short i've fostered the headcanon that i think Porky and Bugs would absolutely detest each other if they were ever to interact and it gives me great joy to think about, and has been something i've been thinking about and concocting in my mind palace very much lately.
AND THAT'S REALLY IT FOR MAJOR APPEARANCES.. i talked about it in this ask, but the end of Porky Pig's Feat does make history by being the only time all the flagship stars appear together--Porky and Daffy are held prisoner in a hotel since they couldn't pay their rent, and they start reminiscing on how Bugs Bunny, the great cartoon star, would be able to get out of such a mess... and they try to get his help, only for it to reveal that he's stuck in the same situation! Porky doesn't say anything to Bugs/hardly regards him, but he does start the "gosh, if Bugs Bunny were only here" discussion... Bugs is really more like a godlike cartoon figure here rather than an actual character, and i see it more as a loophole for Frank Tashlin to work with Bugs, since he was very vocal about his disappointment in not getting to direct him often due to being low in the studio hierarchy and being "stuck with the damn pig" (rude!!)
and the last instance of them together that i can think of is a very brief part in the 1964 Dumb Patrol short (clarifying the date since there's a 1931 Bosko short by the same name): Porky in a silent cameo is slated to take down Yosemite Sam's warplane, but Bugs knocks him unconscious and steals his place because "he's got a wife and six piglets at home!" (...or, it's just a slightly more creative way of concocting exposition for what's a subpar Bugs and Yosemite Sam short)
and that's it for the shorts! ...so, surely, you're asking "okay, but why the long winded anticipatory introduction?" and to THAT! i say... because Porky and Bugs had a sort of double life and were very frequently paired in merchandising together.
Bugs was Porky's Daffy-figure in the comics, to the point where they were often the face of the comics together. usually a lot of stories revolving around Bugs trying to stir up Mr. Moral Goody Two Shoes Porky and get him in trouble, the two going on adventures together, or them just being buddies. it's... weirdly fascinating? the comics were often drawn and written by many of the same figures who worked on the cartoons, so it's a very interesting "what if" scenario that might give insight as to what it'd be like if we got more Porky and Bugs shorts
one of my all time favorite comic stories is an entire story about a big, convoluted misunderstanding where everyone things Porky wants to kill Bugs and they all try to stop him. the comics have been excellent fodder in fueling my "Porky just hates Bugs' guts" headcanon that i kinda just thought was me being funny, but has a weird amount of "evidence" for it LOL.
i mean Porky just goes straight for the ankle breaker here!
SO! they have been paired together in the past, but in a sort of strange, convoluted way. in terms of shorts there's very little, and the only time they ever talk to each other one on one is when Bugs is in his most primordial form. the comics and merchandising of the era paint more of a picture of what that dynamic could be like, but maybe a bit of a dubious one, since the characterizations and writing and general style of the comics are a bit different and more sanitized than the irreverence of the shorts, in both tone and format
#... I HOPE THAT ANSWERS YOUR QUESTION LOL#i go a lot more deeper in on this Bugs and Porky dynamic i have in my head on my @dafpork blog the 💭 🎭 and 📓 tags are probably your best#bet#i really love thinking about them hating each other. so much. especially Porky hating Bugs. it's just so funny to me. and there's so much#in support of it if you look for it#AND I'VE MIRRORED IT IN MY ART TOO i've had this headcanon for a long time but like even in the times i've drawn them together i've maybe#had them interact directly with each other... twice? and one of them i have Porky glowering angrily at Bugs as he's in his drum for the 'an#dats de end' ending. the other instance i can think of is a panel from a drawing from 2019 where Bugs and Daffy are both there and he's#vaguely addressing both. otherwise he's just ignoring Bugs' existence or begrudgingly coexisting alongside him/directing his energy towards#Daffy instead. usually annoyance.#i've really fallen in love with this dynamic it's so so funny to me for many reasons#anonymous#asks#long post#i also own that comic cover of Bugs and Porky scamming the theater and the storybook where Porky evidently doesn't believe bears are real?#that comic cover might be my favorite ever. and i got the book because Tom McKimson's illustrations are so inspiring.. but i needed to know#more about Porky's disbelief in bears
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I don't even ship giyumitsu in that way (prefer them as platonic besties) but giyumitsu art always makes me happy bc I love seeing both of my favs in one post. I am a simple gal.
#personal#me speaks#its sad that most giyuu stans and mitsuri stans seem to be at odds with eachother#and then there me who loves them both#thats why giyumitsu enjoyers whether platonic or not are suuuper big brained#like thank you for appreciating these two characters who are both wonderful in their own right#ignore the haters who tell you otherwise#your brains are just too massive for them to understand#or rather#Their brains are TOO SMALL!#jk#kny#demon slayer
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You’re quite the motley
Marinette’s speech to the class in Revelation was pure projecting at Chloe and making the class feel bad and to give up completely on Chloe and say she rather help them while the former is willing to help all including likely well off people is the definition of calling Lila an idiot. Oh yeah bonus. It was less than two weeks of school left to give such final chance a shot. Bonus two. Seethinette the whole time while Lila was talking before her.
#Lila Rossi#I wonder you will foam if I said Bunnix and Marinette are truly responsible for the suffering of Nooroo and all else#and then you blokes try to make an lousy explaination of why it isn’t true and that Marinette needs to face the decisions she made#But in actuality this clearly is ignoring Nooroo and also allowing and people to all unnecessarily suffer long(er)#Anti Marinette Dupain Cheng#plumsaffron#You flaw finding flops are very stupid#Anti ML Fandom Miraculers#Anti Miraculous Ladybug Fandom Plaguedom#Oh and btw Marinette is not that smart as you think. That idiot still doesn’t like listening and listening to people good to her.#And if she does. She will toss it out later. Shall I remind you recently of Perfection? How about your girlboss tomfoolery in Pretension?#You don’t want her to be smart either. Your whole purpose is really a take down rid mock Lila fetish. What a long lame duration#Filled with people on her side or neutrals you want to become subservient to her or your blunder of interests against Lila#Otherwise you become very crusty and mock them#Countless experience with many & how people can get triggered. Still a buffoon and may help trigger ways to make life suck her and others.#You must love people who are capable of pissing on.#She’s just like many of you for realsies. No wonder many leeches follow you marimites.#what a Miraculous REVELATION
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everyones freaking out over the brothers thing, but they state that they arent actually related, and the term brother for men youre unrelated to has a long homoerotic history. especially during the victorian period, of which piltover is inspired by. you guys dont need canon reasons to ship things, you can ignore canon thats fine to do. regardless, here is another reason you all can ship the yaoi brothers guilt free: they arent actually brothers, therefor you can ship them.
like seriously guys please for the love of god stop acting like you arent allowed to think differently than the show creators and game writers. there is so much LoL lore that im rewriting for myself because it doesnt matter. you can do whatever you want forever, and also riot doesnt care about the games lore whatsoever. even if there are people working on it with love, riot is just forcing another fucking rewrite of all of it. so who cares
this isnt even to mention the fact that the show itself loves to compare and contrast familial and romantic love; the show loves paralleling vi and jinx (familial) to vander and silco (romantic; also!! they call each other brothers!!!! the show itself uses brother as a homoerotic term of endearment!!! you can too), as well as making vi's two choices be between family and romance, with jinx jealous of caitlynn 'replacing' her. again, we are seeing the emphasis of how familial and romantic love are intertwined with each other. like, ultimately this should be its own post, but im trying to make my point here:
jayvik is purposefully vague about its status om whether its romantic or familial love. you can interpret it however you like, thats no sin. what IS the sin is that riot games (allegedly) has a history of doing this with their characters. there are many more instances of LoL characters that are clearly intended to have gay vibes with others of the same gender, but they cant just outright confirm that. fucking. udyr and lee sin come to mind as blatant examples of this, they have extremely gay vibes and lore and dialogue (they even love to be nebulously fused like jayvik), but have no actual word on their relationship. they could genuinely just be really good bros, or they could be gay! its up to you.
in conclusion, if youre letting this stop you from shipping fictional characters: stop it! get some help! have some creativity of your own and make things up that may seem out of character. thats the point of fandom- have fun with it. if youre scared about something not being canon, i have something i regret to tell you: none of your interpretations of either of these characters is anything close to canon!! nobodys is!! theyre our interpretations, so do whats most fun!!

#jayvik#<- i am never going to make another post in this tag hut i am in the fucking trenches over here#'im so sad i cant ship jayvik!!' why not is there a cop breathing down your neck#otherwise i cant see a reason why you need to stop shipping them just because christian linke got offended that jayce might be queer#he admitted he self inserts with the character at points. he just doesnt wanna be seen as gay himself guys#you can ignore this insecure weirdo. he holds no say over things#that last jayce image is included to accurately portray my mental while watching everyone freak out over what one fuckin guy says#who cares. it doesnt seem like many people like him anyway#uuurrggh okay this sat in the drafts for a couple hours and i debated over posting abiut it but variety is the spice of life#ill microdose on participating in big fandom
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This fandom would be so much less insufferable if more people would go like "That's cool! Wasn't in the game though so I can ignore it if I don't like it," about anything and everything that exists in extracanonical materials, especially shit the writers may or may not 'confirm' during interviews or on twitch streams with their friends oh my god some of you really need to unclench.
#dragon age#da fandom problems#i thought this about the AMAs that caused such an unnecessary tizzy and i think it now#my attitude about literally every fandom is that anything that isn't explicitly in the source material is headcanon#and i therefore don't have to incorporate it into my view or interpretation of canon unless i want to#so i couldn't care less if some writer 'confirmed' something in canon--if i like it then i adopt the headcanon#otherwise i ignore it#some of y'all could stand to take notes that's all!#writers are people too lmfao imagine crashing out because someone you've decided to grant authority over your view of the games#has some jokey jokes with their friends on a livestream#sigh
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little reminder: someone reminding you to put a cart back after you failed to be a respectful citizen by leaving it in the parking lot does not warrant assault threats
#poor boy got beat up and stomped on then left for dead and almost everyone they brought in was just fine with it#and probably thought he deserved it#like okay sure#he went about it in an annoying way#but otherwise y'all would've just ignored him#ALSO#just put your cart back#is it that hard ??? like-#why does it bother you so much to put a cart back#you already walked all over the store and in and out of the parking lot#just walk a bit more to the corral#(this is obviously not targeted towards anyone who physically cannot “just walk a bit more” ofc)#911#911 abc#cart cop#don't know why i'm posting about this so late after the episode came out but whatever#graham 911
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too cold and miserable for a mental health walk so we're watching this instead today, lads
#it's no more a waste of three hours than scrolling any social media at all right now is.#today's mission is to not scroll so much that I lose my optimism. that might be the mission for a long time going forward#but we do what we can for the next few years.#and all I can do right now is keep myself feeling okay enough that when the opportunity to do something comes up-#-then I'll have the fortitude to be able to.#but as of right now it's just a matter of 'keep your eyes on the end of the tunnel'.#what we WON'T be doing is reading 'you're just as bad as they are if you don't watch every bad thing happen in front of you' takes.#I'll be a lot more helpful if I'm alive and hopeful and semi-in the loop and helping when I can#than if I'm fully in the loop constantly and ready to take a long walk off of a short pier because of it.#energy is best spent reasonably rationed to important causes than spent calling hotlines.#if you need a break and to mute words like trump or elon or whatever then do it and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.#intentional ignorance and self-preservation are not the same thing and misery without action is not activism.#don't conflate them and be sure to take care of yourselves and your neighbors right now.#uspol
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thinking about @fantasyinvader's recent Dimitri post -
I think one of the points I'm not really fond of with AM and Boarmitri's turn to Savior!Mitri is how Dee shifts his attention from the Means to the Ends.
And sure, we have to think about the bigger scope - criticise to prevent the "Ends" means putting an end to the "Means" - but what about the ones who were sacrificed, or the ones who are and written off as "means"?
Kleiman dude really believed he was doing the right thing by chopping Duscur people (or at least putting them under the bus for something he and his lord did).
Boarmitri reacts to the "slaughtering Duscur people" strongly, and would have killed him because hey, you were slaugthering people down (or are responsible for the persecution Duscur people suffered and are still going through).
Savior!Mitri? Will put his execution on hold, to consider what Kleiman dude meant by "doing the right thing".
But, regardless of why Kleiman Dude thought was "right" or for "justice", the thing is, he still organised the massacre of several people and wrongly framed innocents to hide their involvment, which led to their persecution/massacre.
"But Lambert was removing our rights and privileges" sure, what does this has anything to do with Dedue having lost his sister to senseless murder after being wrongfuly framed for regicide?
"Kleiman Dude really believed what he was doing was right" and ? Tell that to Felix's mom, what's going to happen? People do things for all kinds of reasons, so what?
-
Worst offender is, of course, Supreme Leader.
Boarmitri wants to cut her down to avenge the dead (and maybe stop the war?) but when Savior!Mitri finally hears her, uh, reasoning, he is resolved to kill her because that's her choice (uh) and it's their fate???
The fuck?
Sure he mentions putting an end to the war, but the entire "we have no other choice but to fight, because it's what she wants and that's the destiny we were born to", please no?
Hopefully the first sentence "end the war" exists, otherwise I'd really believe Dee makes this fight and final battle all about Supreme Leader (and blame fate because that's hresvelg grey for you) and completely ignores the people who are, uh, living in this Fodlan ravaged by war, the ones who died because of it or are still dying because that's what war does.
What about the ones who died? The ones who are dying (or are locked in a 5 stars resort doing zumba for 5 years) ? The ones who are turned in demonic beasts? The ones who are starving?
"We have no choice but to destroy each other... Such is the destiny we were born to."
who cares about casualties, let's agree to disagree about our Ends and blame fate instead.
:/
#character salt#who cares about namelesses? when you can blame fate#I know Dee's arc is about focusing on the living and living for himself#stop being blinded by hatred and all#but I think there's a difference between being blinded by hatred#and ignoring your previous feelings to only retreat under some#'we don't agree your path sucks''no u'#they're not talking about building decks for magic ffs#but about people living and dying#i might have read a fanfic recently but the parley from the game is still imo a complete joke#Savior!mitri is the element that brings the most Hresvelg Grey in AM when otherwise the route is mostly neutral#as neutral as a Fodlan route can be#Flayn to Dee 'people would have vivisected me if you didn't rescue me under 25 turns'#'yes but have you considered that they might have believed they were going to vivisect you for their vision of justice?'#no wonders why the nabatean plot is completely eluded in AM i mean even more than it is in the other routes#I could buy something like 'you had misgivings about my father but that didn't mean you could kill a bunch of third parties or bring them#in your feud!'#FE16
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I will admit that it never occurred to me that I would need to check the history book that claimed to be scholarly to see if it used references and footnotes, because how could a book be a scholarly work on history without such things, BUT NOW I KNOW BETTER.
#would not have wasted my money if I'd thought to check for footnotes#but it literally never occurred to me to think it might be otherwise#the kindest thing I can say about this book is that it reads like it should be a video series on youtube#it sets up a premise and then proceeds to ignore it#it makes claims and does not back them up#it wants to tell a different story than the common and popular view of the era#and then proceeds to tell the exact same story with a vague “but it doesn't mean that everybody's idea of what that means is right”#AND IT DOESN'T CITE ITS SOURCES#there is “recommended reading” in the back instead#but no indication that those were books used for references#just that they'd be good to read if you're interested in the topic#which is a great resource IN ADDITION TO CITING YOUR SOURCES#but also I don't trust them because the authors occasionally recommended books written or edited by them#without any kind of disclaimer or acknowledgment that yes this book was written by one of them#anyway#do not recommend The Bright Ages#0/10 rating
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yes stranger on the internet who's been following me for 10 minutes who i've never interacted with or even seen before, you were so right to assume someone who you don't even know would like and enjoy getting a sexual ask with you telling them what you'd do to them "since many others on this site do"
#getting asks and stuff is nice and can be flattering in theory#but when you really think abt it and realize they basically did it for their own pleasure#without even thinking abt it and without thinking about what you might enjoy n what your boundaries are#yea that immediately cancels it out that's immediately a turn off#like i hate to be a killjoy ig but also i'm tired of excusing and ignoring this kind of behavior these guys will never learn otherwise#i'm anything but a prude but i'm also a human being i'm not just some robot or doll u can dump ur fantasies on whenever n however u please#ESPECIALLY when we don't even know each other bro that's just embarrassing to me sorry.
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fuck health insurance companies and the people who work for them who have no idea what they’re doing and are bad at their jobs
#this woman really told my mom that she can’t switch me back to my original insurance i was forced off of and i should refill all my meds#so i wouldn’t have to worry about about it but what this person doesn’t understand despite it being explained to her multiple times that i#get medication INFUSIONS which means i have to go to the hospital and get an iv that then puts the medication into my bloodstream#and i can’t exactly go without it for more than a month but once again im being fucked around for the second time this year when my body is#still recovering from missing two infusions back to back despite having two infusions since…#like sure yeah let’s make my body that hasn’t even fully recovered go through this again#i know this rant doesn’t have full context but that’s because there’s genuinely so many evil and deranged layers to this situation that i#don’t have the energy explain#moral of the story if you’re chronically and under the age of 26 you are vulnerable to being forced onto a different crappier insurance#just bc your mom went full time at her job a few months before they went BANKRUPT and fired everyone and now her health insurance people#are acting like they don’t know how to out me back on my original better insure despite the welfare people saying otherwise#it’s incredibly frustrating and it makes me feel helpless bc i know im going to relapse again bc these people refuse to call me back and#actually do their jobs#like don’t think i won’t report your asses i’ll do anything to speed this up bc i have a monthly time restraint bc of the two biologics im#on you don’t get to ignore my case#and not to mention the HR people at my mom’s work are on vaction until june 30th with my insurance ends so i can’t do anything about that#and it’s delaying the whole process even more#ugh i didn’t want to write this much but holy fuck!!! hire someone to take over for the person on vacation especially when everyone got#terminated and are DESPERATE for help#autumn rambles
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(Hello! Here's person from the trans ask)
Thank you for your response. I just wanted to clarify that i meant the time period of their lives! English Isn't my first language and i read your pinned post so i wanted to be as specific as i can but i couldn’t find a better word to be as straightforward as possible. And i absolutely know how long it takes to figure that stuff out that's why i used term "time period" and used terms like childhood and adulthood and not specific age. But now i know i should have specified. I am trans myself so I just felt a little off when I read your response. A little like i was being lectured about being trans...I feel like that part was unnecessary and someone more vulnerable in my place could have feel hurt by that. Im new to your content and perhaps It's just not for me, and that's perfectly alright! I don't mean this as any offense, not everyone's content is for everyone! And I wish you everything the best with your work
in no way was i trying to lecture you and i don't think it's fair to say my responses can really hurt vulnerable people just because i said 'realising you’re trans is not a sudden thing that just happens one day, it’s often a long process of feeling like something’s different about you'.
i am matter-of-fact in my responses, but i am also autistic and have trouble expressing tone correctly even through text.
nowhere in your ask did you state you were trans, i had no way of knowing if you were or not.
and as i have said so many times, anonymous asks have to be answered publicly and so it's not just you who will be reading my response but anyone and everyone else on tumblr who follows me or scrolls past that post. so the 'lecture' wasn't at you, but something i was saying to anyone reading the post including people who are not trans.
i try my best to answer asks, and i never mean to come across as a mean person. someone being straightforwards with you doesn't mean they're being rude or mean, and especially for autistic people. all my life i've been told if i explain something or correct someone that it is rude. and that is never my intent, i'm never explaining something because i think the person i'm talking to is stupid or ignorant, but because i just.. like explaining things or feel the need too. it's no reflection on what i think of the other person.
i think my matter-of-fact way of speaking and explaining things and you having english as a second language may have caused this misunderstanding. but nowhere in that message did i call you any names or insult you or actively be mean to you.
if anyone thinks that my way or speaking/typing, or my struggles with being able to accurately sound friendly despite meaning too because of my autism makes me more likely to 'hurt vulnerable people'... then i don't know what to say. i can't change how i think and talk. maybe give me a little grace and think 'was this actively mean or was it just neutral in tone'.
i really try, i do, to not sound mean. but it keeps happening that people complain that i over explain things. and i don't do that to make you, the asker, fell like an idiot. but because that's just how my brain works. i overexplain and ramble. and i think 'if anyone else sees this ask will they have follow up questions or be confused' and try to tackle that in the ask too. i don't know what else to do.
my neutral tone and bluntness is never intentional and i certainly am not trying to make anyone feel like they can't listen to my content.
#like.. do i just close my ask box.. i keep seeming to upset people and i dont know why#im trying really hard i am but i dont know how to act like other people#i dont know how to convey that im not bothered by your ask#if im answering your ask then i dont hate the questions otherwise id ignore it#if i was bothered by you id tell you. if i was uncomfortable with the question i woudl not answer it or tell you#i didnt so i thought it would be obvious that it was fine..#i dont understand..#i dont want my askbox open im just going to keep getting misunderstood and get people upset#the vampire answers#the vampire vents
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Screaming nauseously into the void
So, for the past ten months I've had a Mystery Problem Syndrome (MPS) -- unpredictable hours to months of nausea, headaches, dizziness, brain fog, weird muscle things, a dangerous amount of weight loss, all that fun stuff. The working hypothesis from my GI is that it's an autoimmune thing triggered by a viral infection in my intestines that may or may not be temporary on the scale of a year or two, but we haven't been able to totally confirm that's what it is or whether it's going to be a year-long thing or a many-years thing or a forever thing. It's not always clear what's triggering the big flare-ups, but stress is a contributing factor. This is a problem firstly because I'm a PhD student who has always run a little anxious in the way that some ovens run a little hot and secondly because my body cannot tell the difference between stress and excitement.
In practical terms, this means that I've zombied my way through work for about five total months since January, have barely left my town all year even for just little day trips, paused a lot of my big plans like getting more intensive therapy to deal with my driving anxiety, and have had lots of little "fun" moments like barely being able to present my work at a big conference, running out of my roommate's big opera performance to throw up in a trash can in the hall, and spending about two months being unable to even take consistent notes during D&D and not really being able to enjoy it or any of my other hobbies. This was all no good, obviously, but to really add insult to injury, I might have triggered a full-on flare-up by... (drumroll, please)...
Buying groceries for my Halloween party!
Not even throwing the party. Not even drinking too much or eating forbidden foods at the party.
Buying groceries for the party. At the same grocery store I always buy groceries at.
I got too excited while passively noodling about desserts and decorations and how I wanted to arrange the cheeseboard and whether blackberries would be good in sangria.
And have been unable to keep food down since.
I hope I'm miraculously cured by the party itself because I'm going to have a hard time convincing anyone to eat my food (I'm definitely not contagious anymore! I cleared the actual infection in January!) if I'm this noticeably sick during it.
Also I was looking forward to it a lot and a good dozen of my friends are gonna be there and :(
Apparently, I can't look forward to things anymore! I should just sit in a quiet room and contemplate the grass as it grows, careful to maintain complete emotional neutrality.
#screaming at the sky#I really hoped after the worst of the summer flare-up subsided#that it would be fully in the annoying-but-largely-ignorable territory#apparently twas not to be#my best friend/cohost and I have been planning this party for months#also I'm going to be introducing my newish boyfriend to a bunch of my friends who haven't met him yet#which is always a little nerve-wracking though I think they'll all like each other#man#I really miss having fun#I miss BEING fun#one of the hardest parts about being sick is how it messes with your perception of yourself#especially with so many tests turning up blindingly normal#I feel like such a fainting Victorian lady who can't get my shit together#like#who knows#maybe I'm just being dramatic#and it's all in my head!#(weird blood test results and weight loss and other externally-observable symptoms suggest otherwise)#(and my doctor is condescending AF and can only see me every four months but is at least taking me seriously)#(thank god I have good health insurance and a sympathetic advisor and stable housing and good friends)
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