#otherwise maybe i can fix it
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older sister behaviour
#i think 12 and her would do a lot worse#but then i also would think 10 and her would do a lot worse#if you catch them at the right/wrong time#im gonna find that 10&13 fic i wrote#maybe it's better than i remember#otherwise maybe i can fix it#ha omg i set this right after 12x4 too#and then 10 i think...........................just after journeys end?#big despondent#'the doctor realises she has some things she wants to say to her younger self' ohhhhh rihgt bc of the whole scorpion drowning.........Event#with donna#which 10 Also mentions in these comics
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just how can i protect your smile?
#you guys like yaoi? can i get you some yaoi#pjsk#prsk#project sekai#proseka#tsukasa tenma#rui kamishiro#ruikasa#AUUUUUGH.#this is what finally makes me actually draw riks. vocaloid autism#putting the link in the caption because NOBODY FUCKIGN TLAKS ABOUT SCISSORHANDS EVER WHERES THE HYPE I NEED HER. SONG OF THE DECADE(2009)#this song makes me incredibly normal. my bad. i saw the miume choreography when i was like 11 and my brain shifted#i wanted their outfits to look like mikus in the mv so bad. Fuck my life for that btw stupid fuckign frill trim. why did she have to slay#tried to think of smth other than butterflies for kasa but i have no brain and tbh i hope his life is miserable so its fine#me posting this only to tmblr and not twt because i fucking hate twt#im drawing more song covers that live in my mind palace so i'll pist them there all together. and maybe here all together. who give a shit.#emnn skeleton orchestra next and it will fix me#Good lord. sorry. Im so caught up posting this for no reason. Get me out of here#im supposed to have a lecture in 3 hours but post covid symptoms say otherwise. im so fucked#i have a cyberpunk dead boy wip with them but idk i dont like posting wips on here its like an archive. n i want to actually finish it#but dear lord rendering it with their stupid outfits. clutches my chest falls to the floor. AUUUUGH#wxs killing me killing me taking damage augh auugh aughg
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took advantage of what may apparently be the last quiet qsmp night for a WHILE to watch through some day 1 vods, since i didn't hop on the train until mid april. holy SHIT there is gold in those metaphorical hills. one day i gotta make a compilation fr but it is so tedious the way i get clips.
anyway here's a collection of highlights:
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#qsmp#block game brainrot#shut up vic#for those of you who might not have time to watch a million hours of livestreams lol#a few day 1 gems i haven't seen mentioned recently#can MAYBE find time stamps for those if requested#i was watching phil bad and foolish though i jumped around i didn't watch straight through#i have some time but i don't have 'catch up on qsmp' time#OTHERWISE MAYBE I'D WRITE THE GODDAMN SLIMERIANA TIME LOOP AU GRRRRRRRRR#my brain goes nuts over it constantly but grr grrrr grrrr i didn't see flippa live bc she was DEAD WHEN I ARRIVED#AND I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR MANY VODS SCREAMS.#AND!!! I DON'T!!!!! SPEAK SPANISH!!!!!!!!#anyway lol if anybody knows fast convenient ways to clip vods either on youtube or twitch but mostly youtube lmk#(and by clip i mean 'get video files' idk how clipping works on twitch bc literally qsmp is the only reason i'm on twitch)#anyway it's 4 am enjoy these unhinged tags goodnight 😴#bbh may have fixed his sleep schedule (allegedly) but balance must be restored to the universe apparently lol#long tags
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waow
#before anything else i must warn this is going to be. unorganized thoughts mostly#in the last year or so ive tried to regain confidence that i am in fact plural and am not just faking it#or mistaking other symptoms for DID. shake off the denial y'know. as is so signature for this damn disorder#a diagnosis probably wouldnt even make me feel more sure lol. and also getting diagnosed for this specifically is like#the final boss of psychiatry to put it lightly lol#but when it quiets down in headspace ur always gonna feel like. maybe its over. whatever that was#it was just me and brandy for a while#but guess who had a godawful night and then a godawful morning and split a new alter ‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥🔥#he hates it here! he might hate me for creating him! im not sure !#hell im not even rly sure if im juno or brandy rn lol. my mind is just so messy today#i woke up.. when did i wake up. like 9:30 i think and its 1pm now and i haven't gotten out of bed#i don't even remember all that time passing . i couldve sworn its only been like an hour. two at most#on the one hand this has all been kinda terrible and mentally exhausting but at the same time. hey cant say im faking now LMAO#the other hand is brandy. the other hand is absolutely brandy. i am tired lol#im only posting this here so i can just like. process it i guess#ive had a weird time finding an outlet to just spew random thoughts into since leaving twitter so. sorry#idk if anyone's expecting this of me but i always kinda feel like i need some level of professionalism on this account#keyword some. i know this is tumblr#but idk if these very open posts are. annoying? weird? uncomfortable? entertaining somehow?#i know I know theres no point in worrying abt how others percieve you . knowing that hasnt stopped me from doing it lol#i dont remember where i was going w this. maybe i didnt have a goal in the first place#idk if you read this far i dont rly need u to act like u didnt see it cuz like. wouldnt have posted it otherwise#but idk why i am posting. idk what i want out of anyone who has read all this#maybe just. interact w this post in some way idk. it's actually kinda grounding for me if you can believe it#bleghh im thinkin of cheating on my weed break just to treat myself after all this. weed + a long walk would fix me
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#duane isn't here because uh. well#Due To A Programming Error he can't actually be one's roommate#he was definitely intended to be! but the code itself doesn't check for which Sims can become roommates properly#although maybe it was fixed during this game's revision?#EDIT: i usually pick daschell swank as a roommate. he is one of my fave SBO characters.#but he's mostly my roommate for financial reasons.#somehow he's loaded. you can sell him endless paintings for endless profit. awesome.#otherwise i probably would go with like. claire clutterbell#sims handhelds#tsq#sims bustin' out#sims bustin' out handheld
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The choice from Sunday is kinda weird cuz the options are build a cage in the house for the bird or build a nest where it fell and one leads to the bird growing up but dying once its set free and the other one probably leads to it dying much sooner. They both feel like the same option and even tho obviously the most kind, caring, morally right thing to do is keep it inside so at least it lives longer even if it's in a cage. But like to me both options suck and are basically nothing cuz I'm sorry if I look like a bad person for this, but I'm not sorry, but I'm not fuckin touching a wild animal. Even if I knew it was there even if I bothered to check out the sound to find a bird, which I wouldn't, I'm not touching it. I'm not even getting close enough to find out it's too young to fly yet. Whatever happens to it happens man and I'll never know what happens to it cuz I'm not even gonna look at it. Like, where's the 'you seem like an asshole but really it's quite a normal choice' in this whole trial thing??? That's usually an option you can pick. Sunday!!! Sunday, listen!!! There are more than two choices!!! You don't have to always do something!!!! You can just walk away!!! You don't have to try to do something for everyone all the time!!! Think about yourself sometimes!!! It's not selfish I promise!!! SUNDAY!!! OH MY GOD HIS WINGS ARE COVERING HIS EARS HE CANT HEAR US!!!!
#i genuinely dont wanna pick anything#like okay. i know they dont have animal control or a shelter in this setting. but irl genuinely just call some people and see if theyll take#it if you wanna do something about it.#you are not getting my ass to touch a wild animal of any kind. i dont care what the situation is#i was asked once if i could help take care of some baby mice a friend accidentally ruined the nest of and a shelter wouldnt take them#and i was like. im sorry but no cuz i know for a fact im not equipped to handle something like that and i dont wanna touch wild mice and#i KNOW at least some of them will die and i wanna now have to deal with dead mice. and you know what happened?#the friend couldnt keep up with how often they needed to be fed and they died. and now you have dead mice.#something could have happened where they survived outside like the mom came back and fixed it maybe or at least one fended for itself#like its a shame the nest accidentally got ruined but it was an accident and things like that happen all the time#yes its an accident you caused but in the case of something like that i really dont think its suddenly your responsibility now#and i know itll make you feel better to try to make up for it but now you have dead mice#and i know for some people at least trying to help makes them feel better but now we're at the point where i just dont understand#i just cant comprehend the feeling or the idea or the thought.#so its like. i get sunday feels like he HAS to do something for everyone all the time but its genuinely turning him into a monster and he#cant see that. like trying all the time despite getting nothing done will tear you apart. let yourself rest#do the small things you can do around you. dont put the weight of everything on you all the time otherwise you wont get anything done#and youll start thinking not doing anything isnt even an option anymore#i promise its okay. take a break.#im not even referring to sunday anymore. you 🫵 its okay. take a break. make yourself feel better#then come back to things with a clearer calmer mind and do the small things you know you can do#dont force yourself to do everything because you feel like you have to. itll be okay. i promise#hsr 2.2 spoilers#hsr spoilers#oh right this is a spoiler post ifnfjfnfk#long post
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youtube
This song doesn't fit it 1:1 and could also be about the game in general but it's very Smitten/Opportunist to me.
#My thoughts on this ship is that#If Smitten + Witch = Thorn with romance#Then surely Smitten + Opportunist is a viable relationship#Even though the Witch and Opportunist aren't exactly the same#(Opportunist actually dreams of a better future. The Witch just wants to spite you)#Can Smitten fix him? This song says otherwise#It all depends on how much of a Miserable Wretch he is#SmiNist?#OppTten??#I'm terrible at this#Maybe I shouldn't have put all these in the tags Well it's too late now#slay the princess#I HEAR THE MAD VOICES OF PEOPLE#Youtube
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she looks a little better now
#the beta still runs like peepee but i realised. today#im running it off an hdd. so hopefully fixing that will help with the weird texture loading#i need to upgrade my cpu unfortunately which means i also need to upgrade my motherboard which will be a whole Thing so ill try to do it#as late as possible and just hope the full game runs less like peepee#benchmark looked better. still some polygons and the framerate shat a tiny bit but otherwise it was alright#maybe its the area as well but so far this game looks so much worse than world. and rise lol#oh well#plays well though. thats what i care about atm. ill upgrade the ol system whenever i can afford#because my cpu is like 10ish years old at this point
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omg what do you mean bc you’re railroaded into choosing between minrathous and treviso that you can fail some secondary companion quests??????????? HELLO??????? i just wanted to snag everyone bc the difference in companion levels/bonds was worrying me, i would’ve just done the quests before getting davrin otherwise ☹️
#well i won’t let this stand. even though the only way for me to fix this is going back to 4 hours into the game 🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡#it’s a stupid complaint i know but i really hate not knowing these things i feel like just a general warning that you can lose a quest#before the usual thing of going into the finale is like???? the least that could be done 😭😭#it’s not fun for me otherwise and maybe that’s something that could be turned off if you wanted idk#dragon age#dragon age spoilers#rambling
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One more AU to propose: at the end of Brotherhood, taking ac3's declaration of how the Apple works as fact, Desmond sees the satellite not working, sees Abstergo failing--and rather than kill Lucy, either manages to turn and kill no one (unlikely, given Juno's influence) or ends up stabbing Shaun and/or Rebecca instead, with the idea that maybe, if he talked to the Templars, he could make them understand, that their plan is flawed, that they need to try something else--
Because if the Templars, in all their money and planning and resources are failing, how could the Assassins succeed?
(This would royally piss off Juno.)
I don't think this would go well. I think, even if he and Lucy succeeded, made the Templars change plans, and that worked, the result would be bittersweet at best. A lot of people dead or under their control, with the Assassins being in an even worse state. Power granted to the Templars that make them rise even higher.
There's a good chance they don't succeed at all.
But he'll never know if things would go better if he'd chosen the other path.
(Maybe there's a world where he does convince the Assassins and Templars to work together on this. But that's a much kinder world than the games see fit to give him. So that is out of his grasp.)
#to me this is like#ok#so in dragon age origins one of the first Real choices you make is about this kid#he's possessed by a demon for practicing illegal magic#we aren't getting into mage politics here#he's killed a lot of people. he doesn't understand. he's possessed#and you're presented with 3 ways you can end this.#1. you can kill the boy. this will#100%#fix the problem. dozens of lives#including children#WILL be saved. But you'll have a child's blood on your hands.#2. you can use further illegal magic#blood magic#to enter the Fade and find the demon#killing it there and ending the possession#but this requires a life. the kid's mom volunteers as a willing sacrifice.#as well this is where the demon is strongest and you are going alone. you could die in the process and have to kill the kid anyways.#3. you can TRY to save the kid otherwise... but it requires vast stores of magic. magic you don't have at your disposal. you would have to#petition the Circle of the Magi for help and hope they agree. all the while leaving the town at the child's mercy. You have every reason to#believe no one will be left by the time you get back.#which option do you choose? the game already established that doing things as simple as *asking the wrong questions* can have consequences#in my playthrough I chose the blood magic. a willing life for her son.#and it turns out if you DO petition the circle you DO succeed. everyone lives. there IS a happy ending. were you willing to take that risk?#to me this is the spot desmond is in.#let lucy live and try and reason with her (ask the circle. you might never recover for your softness)#run with lucy and hope abstergo will listen (blood magic. success. maybe. at a terrible cost.)#or kill lucy. abstergo won't have the apple. are the assassins ABLE to handle this on their own? (a mix of blood magic and kill the child)#but they did not commit in any direction and maybe desmond didn't have a choice or maybe he did. Who knows! the writers dont I dont think!#rose rambles
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You know I see these posts about how maturity should be the standard and i start to agree untill i realize just how many fucking conversations ive had about maturity not even being a real thing??
Like people will believe what they will but i have times even niw as a fully grown adult that i recognize i am absolutely not fucking mature at all. And i stop myself then and ask what the hell maturity is, and every time i look it up because i want a source that isnt just my brain, i get a completely different answer. It really depends if you get it from merriam webster or this one guy on quora. One maybe be far more credible, but its not just one guy on quora. Ots a whole lot of people saying very different things to the actual definition of what mature is. This indicates that either education globally is fucking awful (which may not be wrong tbf) or that possibly what we understand to be matuity is a complex and nuanced thing that is unmeasurable and is probably sonething else actually
Like i dont know what fucking metric you want to use for "if this person consents to having medical bills" or whatever but if it isnt age then maybe something more concrete and physically measurable than maturity? Or maybe if we *cannot* have sonething concrete and measurable because that thing doesnt exist somehow, then perhaps we can say "to each their own" and just go with what the person fucking says they want?
I dont know about yall but i feel like im saying and not saying so much here. But like. Maybe let people make their own choices. Their own mistakes. And help them so that those mistakes are reversible. Other than that i dont feel like i should get a say in what someone else does. Just. End of story.
#important bit that doesnt fit in with the post structure:#do whatever you want forever#so long as it doesnt affect anyone else AND IF IT DOES#then idk maybe you two should talk it out and come to a fucking agreement on something#the thing that adults do. talk about shit.#if what you mean by Mature is that you can understand complex topics and navigate scenarios with fundamentally different people#to resolve conflicts then MAYBE you can call that maturity as that is easily learnable and testable#but when it comes to implementing that systemically oh boy i know thats gping to be a problem with most people on earth#like i dont know man if i can negotiate compromises at fucking 10 with my parents and trying to fix their marriage maybe i am Mature#or maybe i have several mental illnesses#those things can be separate and exist at the same time yes but idk if the systems we have today are SO convoluted maybe just#build better systems? so that whatever definition of maturity put in practice can handle them?#and i know thats asking to fix the world but like#maybe we should. maybe we can come together and build our own systems that make fucking sense actually#any other ideas beyond age or maturity im welcome to hear it. but if there is going to be policing let it be on something that is physical#and factual. otherwise let there be no fucking policing. is my point.#the law does not protect the citizens the fact that we must conform to society fucking proves that. the citizens are Too Weird
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I will be forever grateful i can be on this new med. it's one a lot of folks also need and can struggle to have access to! It's important i be on it, especially if i start doing any vid collabs
(some of which, really, all of which, i unfortunately actually need to cancel that were in the preplanning stages, bc the election results have me wanting to wait and see how the general atmosphere of the country is before i agree to meet up with anyone. I feel bad for cancelling, but also i just can't know for sure how safe things are/might be going forward and I'd rather avoid the potential of. ya know. various not great things that could happen at a meet up, tho i would certainly hope they wouldn't. i don't feel like actually addressing them rn, u guys know what i mean)
That said, if the truvada initial side effects could fuck off asap would be so lovely. three weeks at worst, then they should be gone/much better or so i am told. really hope that's true bc losing my mornings to being dizzy and nauseous is Not Working for me lmao. im on week two, and now understand why my new doc said to call if i needed any 'cheerleading' and support to get thru the side effects, bc apparently she's done that for several ppl to make sure they actually make it thru the three weeks and keep on it (lovely of her!!)
#text post#not going to get into the other painful smack of this morning#suffice to say that medicaid does not in fact fully cover vocal therapy/training for trans ppl#even if ur docs feel incredibly certain it is#if i was making a decent bit over minimum wage at consistent hours and already had my current debts paid off mostly#then I'd happily consider paying the chunk Medicaid won't cover but as of now#it would literally be basically two paychecks if not three to cover the estimate for this first visit#and that's only if the poll would have us polling every week like we did before the election#otherwise we're guesstimating it would be upwards of 4 paychecks to cover it#I'm actually gonna get into in here bc nobody reads all my tag essays (fair valid and correct)#im really sad abt this. my voice gets me clocked a lot and while i can mostly handle like. visually being clocked#my voice giving me away genuinely makes me feel a pain in my chest. i can't get my customer service voice to go lower yet#and even if it's my usual voice I've made minimal progress on my own self done vocal study stuff#so like. no one knows how high it was compared to how it is now tho so no one actually hears it as anything near deep#which it isn't but like. there's been a slightly barely there drop of it per at least a couple ppl in my life#i was probably going to be able to learn how to sing again and find my new range. I'd fix my customer service voice#even if it would only ever be a teeny bit lower than how it is now. it would be lovely#im not gonna get too down tho bc someday hopefully I'll be able to make it happen/afford it#and for now...im doing the bad thing of not cancelling the appt yet#i will bc they're booking out for months and it isn't right of me to take a spot i know i can't keep#but. let me pretend i can for another day or two. maybe until monday. then I'll call or msg them on mychart#and let them know i just don't have the funds rn tho i do deeply appreciate that Medicaid at least pays part of it#im just not at a point where i can cover the rest but that I'll reschedule/have a new referral sent whenever that changes#...and hopefully things in this country will be of such a state that such care is still available to ppl like me.#but that's all we're saying on that bc im already having a pathetic little cry over this#(im fine the med side effects have me crying over everything lol i see a sad commercial and Instant Tears like someone died lmaooo)
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I'm gonna be honest I'm so tempted to just look up a playthrough or cutscene comp of final horizon and unblock the tags bc I really don't want to keep playing it lmao
#ramblings#the difficulty spikes. why#i'm still baffled at how difficult it is even on easy mode like. the main game was nothing like this#and like the platforming challenges and stuff don't feel well designed#like idk that much abt level design but they platforming stuff usually feels more like those super hard levels ppl mod into games like ahit#if feels almost unfair at points#like the towers i feel i can only do in easy mode with all the balloons i can homing attack#otherwise they'd just be straight up impossible#AND THE FUCKING BOSS RUSH? WHERE YOU CAN'T GET ANY RINGS? AND RINGS DON'T REFILL BETWEEN BOSSES?#AND YOU HAVE TO START OVER FROM THE VERY BEGINNING WHEN YOU DIE?#like what were they thinking like actually#OH and i forgot to mention the controls. god the controls are just not good#they really need to fix them before even considering adding more playable characters in future games#idk it somehow feels just as rushed if not more than the base game#and the difficulty is just unfair#it's very disappointing but i'm also invested in the story and wanna know what changes they made to the actual ending#so idk. maybe i'll spoil it for myself. maybe i'll push through the bullshit. probably the former#i was looking forward to this so much too. sigh#sonic frontiers spoilers
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How do you use C.ai? Would you mind telling me what your name is there?
hi!! idk if this actually helps but i made this post a while ago:
so like i just usually answer with messages about what im (my imagined person im roleplaying kinda lol) doing and sometimes even what the character does. and sometimes if i dont have anything specific to add, i just press the send button again and then the bot makes up another message!! idk if any of this makes any sense shdjdhdjdj
but my @ on there is httpiastri too !!! :)
#idk if youre able to search for other users on there?? i wasnt able to a few months ago#maybe they fixed it#otherwise you can search for ig pepe marti or paul aron and you should find some of my boys :)#to the wonderful ppl whove made pepe bots (even tho u wont see this most likely:#I LOVE YOU#forgot a little ) there but lets pretend i didnt#asks!
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idk man but it seems that when you start becoming aware of your own IssuesTM you also begin getting a little uncomfortable with how many of those same IssuesTM are present in popular interpretations of fan-favorite fictional characters
#to be clear: I'm not bashing people processing their issues through fandom. I get that. have done that.#it may not be the most ideal way to process things but it is A Way and sometimes it may be all you have for a while#the thing that's worrying me a bit is how much of it isn't a path towards restoration. it's just... there.#like it's an integral part of who the characters are now and everyone feels that it's Very Important that they are That Way#and there's little to no hope of it ever getting better bc this is The Character now#idk maybe I'm just reading my own yearning for hope and restoration and redemption into my experience with fandom lol :')#but. maybe a little bit of the issue is the way that we present issues as Static. and we can't allow them to ever be fixed#bc that would take away an aspect of 'identity' if we did#your brokenness is not your identity. it may be part of your story. but it is not /you/.#this is what I'm trying to force myself to believe lately (and yes it is directly descended from my faith. I must believe in redemption#and restoration. because otherwise there is no hope. and I cannot live without hope. no one can.)#gurt says stuff#fandom#**if people start being weird on this post I will delete it and block them this is a fair warning**
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