#otherwise ill just try make these last as long as possible

[lizardsarecute]

the LB of my steam controller finally gave out--the spring for it is rattling around inside the case. Been using it almost daily for more than 5 years...it's my favorite controller and it makes me sad that they're not being made anymore. Thankfully I have a spare just for this situation but I'm gonna try see if I can repair the old one.

[house-of-lovin]

legally binded - 4

Jenna Ortega x F!Reader

masterlist | series mast. | prev part | next part

Chapter 4: Family Bonding, Festivals and Feelings?

Summary: After getting caught in some hot waters with the press, you are forced into an unexpected agreement with America's sweetheart, Jenna Ortega to save your career.

Warnings/Tags: dual!pov, famous!reader, mentions of hard substances, intoxication, mature language, real people (do not read if any of these makes you uncomfortable)

(this is all fiction!)

Note: Things are gearing up 😮‍💨 (ik i said i was gonna take a break, but i couldn’t help myself, now ill take a break lol, happy readin!)

Word Count: 6k+

“No one’s going to get cancelled — it’ll be fun.” Colin Jost smiles curtly on your flat screen TV.

You sit on the bed with a spoon hanging from your lips, an eye on the bright screen having just finished watching a rerun of Jenna’s SNL episode. You made sure to buy it as soon as it was available; locking yourself away in your room.

Currently, you are watching this week’s episode of SNL and Colin and Che are giving their weekly news update.

“Las Vegas is opening up a pop-up vaccine site in a strip club and don’t worry the strippers say the vaccine comes with singer and actress Y/N L/N. This time she’ll be the designated driver – I heard she’s on a tight leash.”

Your smile instantly drops.

“Speaking of Y/N,” Colin bounces off, reading off the cue cards. “Did you see her last week sitting in the audience during Jenna Ortega’s episode… hey, I wonder if they’re a real thing.”

Colin and Che share a knowing glance, “Nah.” They say in unison then move on to their next bit.

Scowling, you turn the TV off, practically throwing your bowl of cereal on the side table. 

You supposed you can’t be too mad – all too familiar with the snide jabs and harmless jokes from others in the industry. This is what you signed up for, right?

Whatever, you’re sure people are loving it.

It’s been a whole week since you left New York and you haven’t spoken to Jenna. It seems how you two acted back in the Big Apple was a success because it got your managers to back off, for now. You didn’t see a reason to contact the actress so you let the silence pass — you see when she posts on social media. 

You don’t have time to think about it because Coachella weekend is coming up soon. For the first time since Vegas, you will be working and you have been itching – wanting nothing more than to dive head-first into work mode. 

It’s what you do best.

You are invited to do a guest performance on a big producer’s set for the festival. It would be your first ever time performing at Coachella but you were privy to the culture of the festival, having gone as an audience member to support your musician friends.

“Hey, you got a minute?” Link pops his head in your door, holding a phone up.

–

“Please don’t do this.” Your pleas go underheard.

“I don’t know why you keep trying, the answer is the same Y/N.” Link rolled his eyes, pointing to a house.

“I think this is the one.”

You scan the two-story typical American home tucked away in the boroughs of suburbia up in the desert, otherwise known as Coachella Valley.

Or well, Jenna’s parent’s house at least. 

After Link had dropped the most terrible news; you had to be seen with Jenna in Coachella. Liv and Jake had instructed your team to drive you to stay with Jenna as you prepare for the festival – it was convenient they said.

Convenient my ass.

“Relax... Marcus will be back to pick you up, he’s gonna drop off your bags at the rental house.”

“Why can’t I just go with you then?” You ask.

“Liv said to drive you to this address. Jenna gave explicit directions to drive you here.”

You frown pulling on a loose thread on your sweater.

What could Jenna possibly want that she’d want you here? She looked pretty upset at you, the last time you talked.

You really don’t have it in you to fight with her, again, especially after the long drive from L.A. up to the desert where you thought — you’d be staying in your villa for Coachella weekend.

“Now go see the girl, please.” Link reaches over to open the door.

When you step out, the car is already driving speedily down the street not even giving you a chance to change your mind. You hear a flurry of voices from the side of the house but it sounds far away. Toy cars and trollies litter the grass yard. 

Slowly, you walked up her porch, your shoes scraped as you ascend the concrete steps. Hesitating for a brief moment, you realize: Jenna is inside. Well duh.  But the thought of her on the other side of the door has your heart dropping out of nowhere. You see flashes in your memory of her frown as you explain why you have to leave New York so soon.

Unspoken words as she says ‘well I thought–’

What did she think?

You would probably never know.

The door opens with a creak breaking you out of your thoughts.

“We have to stop meeting like this.” Aliyah leans against the doorframe, smiling.

You laughed, “Yeah, we do.”

She doesn’t say anything else and just yells over her shoulder, “Jenna, she’s here.”

Then walked off. 

“Hi…” Jenna appears, leaning on the doorframe with a hand.

She scans you for a brief moment; not having seen you since New York, a week ago. She had to make sure you’re still alive because she hasn’t heard from you since then.

You also practically ghosted her.

After feeling guilty about how she left things with you, Jenna sent you a text the next day, asking if you made it back to Los Angeles safely.

You liked her message with a thumbs up.

A thumbs up! Not responding would have been better, the actress bitterly thought.

“Hey.” You greet. “How are you?”

“Fine. You?” She answered quickly, smile sealed tight like an envelope.

“I’m… good. Yeah. Just working.” You answer honestly.

“Oh really?” Jenna asked.

“Yeah, something for Coachella actually.”

Jenna raised her brows in surprise. “Like what?”

You send a tight-lipped smile, “It’s a surprise. People don’t know I’m here yet.”

Jenna can’t fight her excitement; giddy about being in on a secret. But then she remembers that she’s supposed to be annoyed at you and not fascinated.

“Why haven’t you texted me?” Jenna sighed, her voice dropping to a lowly whisper, in case someone was walking by.

You raised your brows, surprised by her question. “Oh… um. I’ve been busy like I said, just working, trying to keep my head down and all that.”

“Are you sure that’s it?” She asked accusingly.

You missed her tone and shrugged, reassuring her, “Yeah. Of course.”

“But, I heard you were busy this week too, filming another movie with Barry Keoghan and The Weeknd?” You changed the subject, hoping to talk about something else. She takes the bait after scanning your eyes for a second.

“Yeah, it was just a short role. But it was a lot of fun. Abel actually talked about you.”

“That’s great, I’m happy for you Jen… and yeah he’s an old friend.”

“Sung your praises pretty high, I had to make sure he was talking about the right person.”

You chuckle, “Oh okay, I see how it is.”

Your laugh caused a sudden warmness to manifest in Jenna and she couldn't help but join along. “Come on, my family has been dying to see you again.”

“Really?” You asked, stepping inside her childhood home. “So you think I made a good impression?”

She turned to look back at you, surprised that you care. “Maybe… don’t let it get to your head, though.”

You laughed as you followed her through the house. “Is that jealousy I hear Ortega? Scared you won't be the only movie star around?”

She snorted, rolling her eyes. “Shut up. You’re an idiot.”

“An idiot that may have impressed your family?” You cocked your head and grinned wide.

“Yeah, yeah. Like, I said. Don’t let it get to your head. They could care less about celebrities and Hollywood. They’re pretty grounded.”

You shrugged, looking at the various family pictures hanging on the wall. “It’s fine. There’s only one Ortega I want to impress anyway.”

You’re not sure where that came from and it seemed Jenna shared the same thought because she raised her brows at you – but didn’t comment.

Jenna blocks you from walking when you reached the sliding glass door. “What?”

Jenna chewed her lip anxiously, “My family can be a lot. In numbers and in the other sense too. There’s a lot of us.”

“Oh… that’s okay.” You answered. A bit confused as to why she is telling you this. When you see her genuine concern your gaze softens. “Jenna, relax. I can handle the family… and I can charm anyone’s socks off.”

She relented, rolling her eyes at your joke. “Okay, okay.”

"Wait..."

Jenna turns around.

"Why am I here exactly? At your parents, that is. Link told me that you gave my driver instructions to bring me here."

Jenna bites her lip in contemplation. "Um—like I said my family wanted to see you again and I heard you were going to Coachella anyway so you know, two birds one stone."

You nod, accepting her answer.

Jenna opens the door for you two to step out.

–

Sounds of laughter rang around as you and Jenna sat in lawn chairs in her parent’s backyard.

“What are Timothee Chalamet and Zendaya like in real life?” Markus – Jenna’s brother leaned forward to ask. 

“Markus!” Jenna scolded and threw her brother a glare.

The actress blushed as she sat beside you but all she felt was the vibrations of your laughter, indulging her brother’s question. 

Jenna can’t help but wonder if you have other family members that spend time with you like this. You look so carefree and genuinely happy; comfortable around her family — after knowing you for a couple months now; she guesses it’s a no.

“They’re cool. Just like everyone else to be honest. Especially, Timothee, sweet guy but he’s a bit of a typical frat bro.” You joked, “And Zendaya, well. She’s just as amazing as everyone says she is. Great work ethic, it’s inspiring when you work with someone passionate like that – makes you want to be better and work harder.”

Jenna’s sisters are eating your story up. Secretly she knew they enjoyed the tales of celebrities and pop culture. It’s nearly impossible to live your life without seeing a public figure pop up on an ad on your phone or on the side of a bus stop on your drive home. 

Jenna is barely home enough to be able to have moments like this where she can humour her sister's questions. But they all had their own lives to live. She's has been looking forward to this break for a while, knowing it was coming up after her long week in New York.

She still can’t describe New York.

Something seems to have shifted between you two by the end of the week. But she didn’t know if it was for the better. The two of you have this constant push and pull; where everything is fine one moment, then one of you says something and it turns tense and weird as you both stay silent or you just completely blow up on each other.

Jenna didn’t know if she had it in her to try to decipher what these restrained responses she gets from you could possibly mean.

You are an enigma; a defensive, hot-headed asshole that grinded every gear the actress had.

“Do you like Zendaya, buddy?” You bounced her niece in your lap, enjoying how the baby grabbed at your fingers. 

But then Jenna turns around and you act like this. Sweet, protective, charming. 

How are you the same person?

She can’t fight her smile as she watched the adorable sight.

Jenna didn’t know you were good with babies. 

“I think Z would think you’re just the most adorable thing. Oh my god, Jen, can I send her a picture of us?” You turned to her, with a bright smile.

Jenna didn’t know when you started calling her by her nickname but she certainly won’t say how she enjoys how it sounds when you say it. “Uh–sure, if it’s okay with my sister.”

“Zendaya’s gonna have a picture of my baby on her phone? Uh yes!”

Jenna laughed, nodding. “I’ll take the picture.” She took your phone, opening the camera.

“What are you doing? Get in here with us." You asked with an adorable scrunch in the nose, surprising Jenna.

“Oh, I just thought— okay.” She swallows her growing grin, sliding in beside you.

Her sisters share knowing glances.

You happily scooted in, pressing your chest to her back.

Jenna is suddenly reminded of her you and her, alone in her dressing room.

She presses back into you. 

“Say, cheese guys!” Jenna clears her throat.

With big bright smiles, you placed your head above her shoulder to get in the frame, repeating, “Cheese!”

Even her niece seemed to be enjoying the attention as she smiled brightly and toothless while standing on your lap with her chubby legs. Jenna snapped a couple for good measure, checking over the pictures. The three of you are squished together as she held it in portrait; you all looked cute Jenna can admit. 

Like a little family.

What?

“Oh Jenna, send me that, please. I want to post it on my Instagram.” Her mom spoke up already reaching for her phone. 

“Okay, okay.” Jenna rolled her eyes but sent herself the pictures first before airdropping them to – everyone – who begged for it. 

“This is adorable, I think I’m gonna make this my lock screen.” You grinned, staring at the photo. She sees you typing a message, indeed sending it to the actress like you said you would. “Just for your niece.”

Jenna felt her heart skip a beat. “Are you saying you’re gonna crop me out the photo?”

“No… but now that’s a good idea, thanks.” You mocked with a smile.

“Mom, how did you already post that picture so fast?” Mia asked.

–

“Don’t be mad.” Jenna begged.

“Mad? Jenna. This isn’t what I signed up for.” You pinched the bridge of your nose.

The two of you were standing in her driveway, in a discord of course. Jenna just forced you into another situation that you wanted no part of.

“You just told Link to call off my driver and now you’re saying don’t be mad. Of course, I’m mad! Why did you say yes to your Mom, Jenna.” You sighed, dropping your hand limply.

“I didn’t know she’d insist.” She groaned walking closer, “She said that you shouldn’t stay in that big house by yourself for the weekend when there is room here, next thing I know she’s forcing me to ask you in front of everybody.”

"I'm sorry." She grabs your arm. “Link said you might be mad.”

You stare at her for a couple of moments. Their hearts are in the right place, you guessed. Eventually, you rolled your eyes and sighed. “Thank you I guess… I appreciate that the sentiment.”

Jenna smiled in relief, “Yeah, of course.” Then scrunched her nose in thought.  “We actually really don’t have the room so I don’t know where she’ll put you.”

She should have known. This is so typical and cliche; sharing a bed trope? Please, can the universe be any more unoriginal? 

“Mom, are you sure?” Jenna whispered as she peaked her head out the small awning of the door – making sure you can’t hear. 

“Jen, go to sleep. We have a packed day tomorrow. Everyone’s coming over for the game.”

Tomorrow is sports night and her uncles, aunts, cousins and grandparents are set to come over. It was a weekly tradition for the extended family to host a gathering to watch the game every Friday; with Jenna’s busy schedule, she hasn’t been to one in months. She’s grateful this one is hosted at her house but then inwardly sighed because she should probably warn you about that too.

“Mom…” She pleaded in a whisper.

“Goodnight and be responsible. I trust you two.”

“Mom!”

Jenna dropped her head in defeat as she listened to her Mom’s footsteps dwindle further away. 

“Hey, you should probably get in there before all the hot water runs out..”

She turns, seeing your freshly showered figure. For a moment, Jenna finds herself stuck. You’re rubbing a towel on your wet hair as grey sweats hung lowly on your hips and she was desperately trying to avert her eyes from the small patch of you skin exposed.

“I already showered.”

“Oh okay.” You shrugged walking over to grab your phone. 

“Which side do you prefer?” You asked absentmindedly,

“What?” Jenna blinks away.

“Of the bed. Which side do you prefer?” 

“Oh. The left.”

“Thank god. Every bed I’ve had to share I’ve had to fight for the right side. You’re perfect.” 

Jenna watched as you jump into your preferred side, getting comfortable under her covers.

She doesn’t know why she feels a mismatched thump fall out of rhythm with her heartbeat at seeing you in her bed. 

“Alright, are you gonna be weird about sharing a bed? ‘Cause I can just take the couch or call my driver to pick me up. I can get a hotel room or something.” You sighed sitting up. 

Jenna furrowed her brows, “What no. Can you please stop jumping to conclusions?”

“I’m not.” You mumbled but don’t argue further. Jenna gets in beside you. 

“You satisfied now?” She throws out but it sounds just shy of playful and maybe even flirtatious – definitely not how she meant for it to sound.

“Uh– sure.” You replied sliding the blanket up to your chin as you tried to get comfortable again.

There’s that weird tension again, Jenna thinks and she thinks it’s starting to annoy her.

“Okay, what’s your deal?” Jenna crossed her arms, turning to you.

You blinked, confused. “What?”

“Why are you being so weird?”

“I’m not.” You sat up to face the other actress.

Jenna frowned, “Yes you are. You have been since New York. Did I do something? Because you still haven’t told me why you just left town like that.”

“I told you. Jake wanted me back for Coachella. Why else would I have just left all of a sudden?” You explained.

“I just– I just feel like you’re not telling me something.” She admits, a bit insecure. “I, at least, thought we’re friends now and when I didn’t see you in the crowd or the dressing room after SNL I was a bit… disappointed? I don't know if it’s dumb but you really did calm me down before my monologue and I wanted to thank you over dinner. But, yeah–” 

Jenna looks away, missing your guilty frown. “Jenna… it’s not dumb. God, I feel like an asshole.”

“Well, sometimes you can be.”

You laugh but it’s dry. “I’m so sorry. I–I should have been there.”

You grab her hands. “Look at me, please.” It gets her to look up, the light from the lamp is bouncing off your eyes making them look softer in the dim light. “I promise, I’ll always be there for the important moments from now on. Before, during and after – we are stuck together until the foreseeable future, so.”

Jenna snorts, looking down at your hands. You begin to rub lines with your fingers on her open palm making her shiver. “Yeah, I guess we are.” She whispers.

She doesn’t know when she makes the bold move to intertwine your fingers. But for the first time since SNL, you two hold hands and this time you don’t pull away. But she doesn’t miss the questioning glint in your eyes as you look down. Jenna ignores the attention and squeezes your hand to make you look at her again.

“You mean it though?”

Your eyes soften. “I mean it.”

–

“Where’s Y/N?” Mia asked over the breakfast table.

“Rehearsals,” Jenna mumbled sleepily shoving spoonfuls of food in her dry mouth – still trying to wake up.

When the actress had awakened, the sun was high above the horizon and the desert heat was already inching inside her cracked window. But she woke up, alone.

Differing from how she went to sleep the previous night with you barely pressed up beside her as you laid with your backs to each other. Jenna only found herself un-tensing after hearing your breathing fall into short even exhales.

When she turned over to grab her phone this morning, you had sent a text:

Sorry for not waking you up. You sleep like a rock but I had to go to rehearsals. I’ll be back by 3 :)

She couldn’t be too annoyed at the smiley face you leave with your occasional messages.

“She’s performing?” Mia asks shocked.

Jenna nods, too tired for words.

“The crowd is gonna lose their minds.” Aliyah laughs. “With who?”

“Won’t say.” Jenna muttered bitterly, thinking back to her incessant begging; you never caved.

“Okay… can we talk about it, now then?”

“Talk about what Mia,” Jenna sighs dropping her fork on her plate.

“You and Y/N.” She says like it’s obvious.

“There is no me and Y/N, it’s all for the cameras. Remember the NDA I had to beg you guys to sign?” The actress rolls her eyes. 

“Then why were you so upset after New York?” She challenges; tired of her sister’s silence over this whole situation. There’s no way she’s just unaffected by this.

“Mia drop it.” Her mom says.

“No. I’m serious, she’s literally staying under our roof, sharing a room with Jenna. And no one is still saying anything? Am I the only one who thinks there’s something going on?”

“Yes.” Jenna says quickly.

Mia rolls her eyes, “You still haven’t answered my question, Jen.”

Jenna crosses her arms, sitting up. “Of course I was upset. She just left town without a warning, if we didn’t catch her in the lobby she was just gonna a send a text. A text! Anyone would be upset at that — but it doesn’t mean what you think it means.”

But her sister doesn’t buy it. She opens her mouth to refute but their Dad swoops in saving the day. “Leave your sister alone, Mia. I’m sure whatever is going on with Y/N and Jenna – they can figure it out themselves.”

Jenna groans, “Dad, not helping.”

He shrugs, sitting at the head of the table with his own plate of breakfast.

Eventually, her family scatters to their own corners of the house to get ready for the day. Her other family members would be arriving soon and the actress had to start getting ready. Crap, she forgot to warn you about game night because you left so early. Jenna decides she’ll send you a text after she gets out of the shower.

With the raucous of the day, Jenna forgets to send the text. Her cousins arrived much earlier than anticipated and she was already getting pulled out to living room to talk about her upcoming projects. She gets so lost catching up with her cousins that she doesn’t realize when you arrive.

"Jenna, your novia is here." One of her aunts shouts making her head snap up to you as the front door opens. "Oh wow, and she's brought the whole store!"

Jenna's jaw drops as you walk in, holding multiple large bouquets of different arrangements of flowers. "Y/N?"

"Hey!" You peek your head out from the large flowers. "These are for your family... but I may have overestimated how big these were and Link refused to help me."

"Oh god, these are beautiful Y/N." Jenna's mom gets up from her seat, grabbing as many flowers as she can. "You didn't have to..."

"Oh, it's nothing, really. You guys are letting me stay here, I just wanted to express a little gratitude." You duck your head, all timid now.

Jenna knows it's not nothing. Those flowers cost a fuck ton, she would know she gets gifted those whenever she has an event.

"Well, gratitude expressed. I don't even know where to put these. Mia, Aliyah help the girl, please!"

The two sisters grab all but one smaller bouquet from your hands, walking away with smug smiles.

"Jen, get up," Aliyah whispers in passing as all the women and Jenna's dad filter over to the kitchen to view the gorgeous flowers.

She still hasn't moved from the couch and briefly, she thinks she can feel her cousin's smirking at her reaction.

"You got my family flowers?" Jenna asks dumbly, walking over slowly; ignoring everyone's eyes on them.

"Uh—yeah. Sorry if it's a bit much. I wasn't sure what everyone liked so... I got them all." You scratch your head with a bouquet in hand, catching Jenna's eye.

"These are for you..." You smile, holding out a smaller albeit more personal? flower arrangement. It felt like Jenna, somehow.

“I picked it out myself.” Your smile turns shy.

Like, if she were to walk into a flower shop and see this bouquet, she would instantly grasp it and never let go.

We still talking flowers?

"Thanks..." Jenna mumbles, grabbing the flowers; your fingertips touching sends sparks down her arm.

"Um—you're back early..." Is all she manages to say.

“Yeah… they didn’t need me for a long time so I decided to come back.” You explained, glancing at the new faces in the room. “Uh– what’s all this?”

The actress sends you a sheepish smile, “Family game night, we watch the game every Friday and cook some barbeque, it’s a whole thing. I forgot to text you, I’m sorry. You can call your driver back if this is too much.”

You laugh, squeezing her shoulder. “And miss out on great food? No, thank you.”

Jenna scans your eyes for the truth, “Are you sure? I know this isn’t exactly your scene so I understand.”

“Jen.” Your hand slides down, softly grabbing her hand. “I can’t even remember how long it’s been since the last time I had a home-cooked meal. I’m so in.”

You squeeze her hand for good measure. “Guys close the door.” Someone shouts.

Jenna doesn’t let you drop your hands this time because she’s already gripping them, pulling you to sit with her cousins – introducing you.

She ignores the giddy feeling in her chest that you want to stay.

You don’t say anything even when you’re both sitting and she’s still holding your hand.

–

“Who are you performing with?” Jenna tugs on your arm.

You squint to see her through your sunglasses. The Californian sun was making its presence known today and there are crowds of people everywhere as you tried to find some shade. It’s just past 6 PM and people are already starting to get rowdy – before all the good sets are even on. 

Fish nets, sparkles and bedazzles are all you see in the sea of people and you just know you’re at Coachella.

“I can’t say…” You fight the smile on your face, finding her begging adorable. “It’s supposed to be a surprise.”

“But Aliyah knows! I heard you whisper it to her.” She glares back at her sister standing a fair distance away from you two – who was talking to Mia and her boyfriend.

“I didn’t tell her anything, Jen. We were just fucking with you.” You laugh, sliding your hand in hers. 

An unspoken comfortableness has formed between you two. Light touches are a new development in this… situation Jenna had with you.

Whether it was knees touching under the dinner table, walking shoulder to shoulder on your daily walks around the neighbourhood (there wasn’t much to do as Coachella weekend approached) or leaning her head on your shoulder as she slept when you two watched TV before bed.

And now, it seems like things have escalated to a new level of comfort where you two willingly linked fingers whenever you walked anywhere. Neither of you make a peep when someone eventually reaches for the other’s hand. 

“Rude…” She pinches your side making you flinch away from her.

Jenna’s immediately tugging you back closer.

“Hey… I can’t get an injury before my performance. I’m legally binded to a contract.” You state.

Jenna snorts, “I thought you were friends with the performer? Are you really not gonna tell me who it is?”

“Nope and sure we’re friends but, I’m still contractually obligated to the festival and all that.”

“Come on Y/N!” She groaned unconsciously stepping closer to you. “I’ve been so nice to you, I haven’t called you an idiot all day!”

You laugh, “Is that supposed to win me over?”

“You tell me? Is it working?” The laugh dies in your lips when she tits her head in question.

Jenna misses the gulp you take because she was leaning closer, trying to find your eyes behind the dark-tinted glasses you had on. 

“No…” You replied with a vacant tone.

Jenna steps back when the sun blinds her eye. “You’re no fun.”

“I don’t know what to tell you… you’re gonna have to wait like everyone else.”

“Speaking of everyone else, I’m surprised we’re not surrounded by your groupies.” Jenna eyes the group of people hovering not too far away. 

You snicker, “They are not my groupies. I barely know those people but it happens at every music event. They flock over like geese. I let Link handle them.”

Jenna frowns, “Doesn’t it bother you?”

“What?” You look down.

“That you can’t even enjoy yourself at a festival without someone hovering over your shoulder.”

Since Jenna’s started this PR relationship with you her fame’s only increased overnight. She hates to say it but Sarah was right, being associated with you has only made her more famous and well-known. She felt like a Kardashian or Tom Holland who couldn’t even step out of their own homes without a camera being shoved in their faces. 

It’s getting so bad that Jenna has security with her everywhere she goes. She stopped driving herself to places. A headline even dropped that you two are official and serious now and that you have met her family; paparazzi tried to camp at her parent’s house until they called the police.

“Sometimes.” You answer honestly, shrugging. “But it’s part of the job.”

Jenna’s frown deepens, looking around. “This is not part of the job. At least not what I’ve seen.”

“Yeah, but we learn to deal with it, right?” You nudge her shoulder. Seemingly unbothered that made Jenna bothered for you.

“How?” Jenna couldn’t help her curiosity.

“Surround yourself with people that genuinely care about you. That still picks you even after all your fuck ups. Only got me about three of those, so I try to keep them close.” Then you let out a sad laugh, “I make it very hard for them sometimes, though.”

Jenna looks at Link as he holds a bored hand up when a girl tries to walk up to you. Then he’s shooing her away and whispering to both of your security guards.

She wants to fight the urge to say that you have a fourth person in your corner with her.

Instead, she says:

“I think you got a good one with him.” She nods to Link.

You follow her sight, “Yeah, I do... He’s usually right about most things too.”

“What do you mean?” She looks up in questioning.

Maybe Jenna’s not so bad? Flashes in your memory but you don’t tell Jenna. “Nothing.”

Jenna squints her eyes. “Fine… keep your secrets.” Tone a playfully bitter.

Eventually, you, Jenna and her sisters walk around aimlessly from set to set, taking pictures and enjoying the atmosphere. Jenna would be lying if she said she wasn’t enjoying herself right now. Somehow you all managed to find an empty corner by the Artist section of the performances which meant you had loosened up a bit. 

Jenna decided she liked it when you’re smiling, carefree and happy.

It suits you better than your permanent scowl. 

You’ve been so stressed this last week, taking phone calls and Zoom meetings. She tried not to express her concern at seeing how you obsessively fretted over some project, consuming you some nights. 

Jenna knows obsessive. She knows anxiety. This was different.

She finds herself with more questions than answers when it comes to you.

Why are you so closed off all the time? Is this how you work all the time? Where did this recent streak of bad behaviour start? Is there more to it than what you’re saying?

Are you okay?

But Jenna can’t find the right words to ask, so she doesn’t.

Only offering her warm pressure on top of you to hopefully lull you to sleep when you both drift off in her childhood bed.

Somewhere along the evening, she finds herself close to you.

You've loosened up as the days progressed and somehow, you and Jenna have found yourselves wrapped up in each other's arms as you danced.

Jenna had her back pressed firmly against your chest; her head tucked under your chin as your arms wrap around her waist from behind; hands linked as you jammed along to the music.

“The Met Gala’s coming up.” Jenna speaks up after a few moments of silence. “I’m invited.”

“Me too.” You reveal. She perks up, looking back at you.

“Yeah?” She smiles, pleased with your answer.

“Mhmm. I’m actually a co-chair this year.” You send an embarrassed smile.

She turns in your hold, jaw-dropping. “You are?”

“Yeah… why do you think I’ve been taking those calls all week? I was getting ready for the Met.”

“I thought that was for Coachella?” She snorts but can't help but ask, "Do you ever stop working?"

“Says you. Miss Scream Queen.” You tease making her roll her eyes.

“Be my date.” She says all of a sudden. “and walk the carpet with me this time.”

You raise your brows at her bluntness. This time?

You remember the last time she said those words and a tiny part of you prayed she meant it differently this time. But you can't fight your smile because you couldn't even say no if you wanted to — overwhelmed with the sudden want, to show off the girl in your arms. “I would love to be your date.”

Jenna's eyes sparkled with delight, beaming at you widely.

"Great! I'll talk to Enrique and Thom Browne about it."

"But I'm a Prada Ambassador?"

"I'll handle it." She nods with finality.

But before you can say anything, Link slides in with a whisper in your ear and a knowing smirk in Jenna’s direction.

“Hey, I have to go.” You whisper into her ear, pulling away but Jenna tightens her grip.

“Wait.” She steps forward – much closer than she means to.

“Yeah?” You asked softly and suddenly Jenna can’t hear the loud thumping of the bass anymore.

“Good luck and break a leg.” She says in a whisper.

Her hand reaches up to brush your neck still looking into your eyes. Jenna feels the same overwhelming pressure in her chest that she’s recently felt around you and gives into her sudden impulse; leaning in, parting her lips; meaning for them to connect to your cheek but instead swerve and slot in between your lips instead, in a moment’s haste.

She feels you tense for a moment before giving in, cupping her cheeks too. Kissing her back. Jenna loses it a bit, not expecting your lips to feel so soft and smooth and perfect against hers. Jenna can't help but tilt her head to the side, allowing your lips to press harder.

She feels the same electricity from your first meeting – when you shook her hand. The same electricity she tries to fight off every time she's near you. Except this time, it's by tenfold.

Jenna is so lost in you that she can’t even hear her heart beating loudly in her ears anymore — only feeling your thumb softly stroking her jaw.

The sound of coughing breaks you two apart.

“Sorry but Y/N we need to go.” Link sends a sheepish smile but he's trying to fight his grin at having a front-row seat to the show.

When Jenna pulls away she looks deeply into your eyes searching for some kind of indication of your feelings.

You smile shyly, squeezing her waist and rubbing her back. “I’ll find you after the show?”  

“Yeah…” Jenna whispers, still staring into your eyes.

“I’ll find you!” You yell over her shoulder as Link drags you away.

“Holy shit, finally!” Mia slides in beside her. 

Jenna doesn’t have the energy to shrug off the arm Aliyah throws over her shoulder as she brings her fingers up to her burning lips. “I don't know why I did that...”

“Oh my god, you’re an idiot. The both of you.” Mia rolls her eyes walking back to her boyfriend.

Jenna looks around, blinking, immediately catching the phones held in the air capturing her moment with you.

She walks off, following her sisters.

Unbeknownst to you and Jenna, a headline is about to drop:

New developments in Y/N L/N's Vegas case. Caught with cocaine! Las Vegas PD makes no official comments on possible charges or arrests. But is this the end for the bright star?

-

:)

The strip club and vaccine bit with Colin and Che is from a real line in one of their segments LOL.

yall happy now?

-

@alexkolax @ladey @jjsmaybank20 @werewoofrobinbuckley @chealsib @fanboy7794 @la-douleur-ne-finit-jamais @zelload @natashadeservedmoree @orang3-ish @friedryes @canyonyodeler @nahnahnahwhatt @be-missed @jjuncidio @fearstreetsoloyouandurmom @oksana-moods @theirishmanronan @r-ude @wokethefuxkup @bandaidss @skate-to-breathee @user173781 @frasersgf @natblidaclexa @justafoolinlove @bring-mecoffee @slu7her @haughtsauce21 @wheesunsangel @cyberexpertalienspy-blog @jennaortegasfootrest @zaza11sblog @omega-horus @heroofdeath11 @selluequestrian @justalittledissociation @imaloserbby @catswag22 @sorexhera @smjmgko @acutenobody @raven-ss @canceldevvi @sweetaimu @rockwyn @rwndsana @cheesybacon1 @cvluswnt @secretbackrooms @vixen1006 @zhasmindoesntknow @namesduntmatter @ulicebld @rozmrazaradelfinow @icarly23 @cartierdreamx @thenextdawn @annalestern

[seafoamreadings]

week of may 26th, 2024

these are written predominantly for the *rising* signs but they are also intuitively "channeled" enough that they should work for any dominant energy you have! (try your sun if you don't know rising, or more advanced readers can try moon, anywhere you have a stellium, etc and see what works best for you!)

aries: although mars gets entangled with ceres in a less than optimal way this week, otherwise the transits are quite friendly for you. they encourage you to be friendly too. if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all, but if you can, then go out and be seen and have a good time. just be sure not to neglect your needs.

taurus: distinctly airier vibe may not be your preferred speed but it's actually good for your money and resources as long as you can exercise self control. mercury reaches the last degrees of your sign, makes a hyper-technological-futuristic meetup with uranus, and then next week joins your 2nd house pileup for great results in all manner of exchanges.

gemini: even if you don't consider yourself much a fan of the limelight you're nonetheless set up to sparkle this week. literal glitter is auspicious. but not all that glitters is gold; if something seems too good to be true or overly superficial, it's ok to pass it over.

cancerians: like it or not, even if you remain unaware of it, you're doing soul and shadow work this week. but especially later in the week if you can tap into jupiter trine pluto you become a veritable magician. all the tools you need are at your disposal.

leo: quite possibly you feel a bit flat or dimmed out this week. but gemini activity brightens up your social circles. seek support from your friends and network. if that's not very forthcoming it's a good sign to fortify those circles.

virgo: mars squares ceres and then mercury trines it this week, challenging your health or how you care for your body as well as pushing you to communicate these types of needs with the people who matter to you. you may need help from spirit guides more than from human beings, though, and you may also have your ailments put somewhat more in the spotlight than you might prefer. in the end, it's for the best, one way or another, no matter how to the contrary it seems in the moment.

libra: this week sees you thriving, on the condition that you build from your past mistakes or wisdom and head into the future boldly and equipped with experiential knowledge. blindly fumbling onward does not do justice to your keen skills of discernment.

scorpio: there is certainly some magic in things that superficially seem frivolous. are they really? enjoy small things and watch them grow into big and important things. meanwhile, build a safe haven out of your home for yourself - and maybe for a new pet, as such friendship is auspicious for you now. if not, you can certainly at least care for the local spirits of nature, right?

sagittarius: your relationships remain a central focus. commitment may seem to materialize in places you thought you never wanted it to. meanwhile you get a lot of financial support through your relationships, or a lover turns out to be such a valuable resource you'll wonder how you managed without them.

capricorn: of course ceres is still hanging out in your sign and even in retrograde is a fruitful blessing. she is challenged by mars this week so do not overdo anything. do what you must and stop, and then only do what's pleasurable and lights you up. she's also augmented by mercury at around the same time, so good conversations are a rich source of spiritual nutrition.

aquarius: your position in your daily life is strengthened throughout the week but probably not in any way that seems particularly vigorous, and even less so if you're not intentionally having a good time. even if times are hard, you have to be focusing on even the tiniest positives.

pisces: if you're interested in healing generational trauma/curses/genetic illnesses/etc, this is a good time to do it with the benefics, the sun, and soon mercury all on your side. if that's not an issue, work to resolve any conflicts with roommates or your family of origin, your landlord, the structure of your home itself.

[maximwtf]

“The sun’s down.”

Baizhu x Reader

Words: 2900

Google Docs Pages: 4,1

Warnings: Small injury, established relationship but nothing more than a few kisses and pet names, hurt/comfort, Baizhu is worried about you >:( small spoilers from his quest

Opening: You’ve found something interesting in your research, making you stay up late for multiple nights in a row while working. Baizhu frowns upon cutting from your sleeping time, but doesn’t say anything until it truly seems to start affecting your health.

AN// Reader can be any gender! This is very much self indulgent. I might have survived yet another fever but the joint pain hasn’t gone anywhere, and my wrist now hurts enough that writing this was a pain. On top of this, I requested an ao3 account, so maybe a piano will fall on me by the time I finally get one (or something along the lines of that). Who knows, the fanfic writer curse is real.

“The sun’s down.”

What now felt like forever ago, Baizhu had told you about the contract with the white snake that seemed to be glued around his neck. He’d told you of his deep interest in immortality and how he had been trying to pursue this interest. How he was researching some form of medicine that would maybe grant this everlasting life he so desperately craved after. 

You couldn’t lie to yourself and say you hadn’t been a little taken back by the idea at first. The whole contract part had almost gone over your head, and the reason for it was even more absurd to your mind than anything else. Sure, you were interested in herbs and their possible medical use as well, just like him. But you’d never go as far as to take up on a contract such as he had. It almost sounded like he was fighting against time every second of his life as it was now. Every free moment he had away from patients feeding on his life force were spent thinking of a way to make his seemingly impossible quest possible. And when he wasn’t working on that, he was doing his best to make it to another day after treating more severely ill patients. 

But you also knew that even if you’d known him before the contract, he wouldn’t have listened even if you’d begged for him to not take up on it. He wasn’t one to turn his back to such power, nor did he have it in him to let someone else with a weaker mind to bear such bother on their shoulders. He was invested in making the spiral of contracts end with him for good. And all you could do was help him achieve this mission. 

So, whenever you had the time, you travelled around Teyvat and researched different plants and herbs. This allowed you to bring them back to Baizhu for further research, knowing he himself wouldn’t have ever had the time nor the health to perform such long trips. Only, you had to remind yourself to be careful. He deeply frowned upon the trips where you returned even slightly injured. Repeating the same speech each time of why you shouldn’t get into danger for his sake. That he could do this himself, if otherwise it meant the research would affect your health as well. And you knew he was serious when he said that. He truly and honestly didn’t want to bother anyone with his health and the contract he had made on his own accord. And telling a man like him that he wasn’t a bother and that you cared about him never helped. He wouldn’t listen, even if he knew of your care and worry for his life. Because again, he reminded himself of the bother he’d made of himself by even telling you of the contract in the first place. 

After the last trip you’d taken, you had found something new. Plants you hadn’t researched before and as of right now, they seemed promising. Not something that would automatically concoct an immortality potion, but something that could potentially help with the making of one. But to find out if this could be one of the possible ingredients, you had to sit down and think. Think and write out any possible outcomes and possibilities plants such as these could have. 

So you had taken out all of your books on plants, found chapters with similar plants and begun to read, think and write down everything you could find. It didn’t take long for you to realise the true length of a process such as this. Not that you hadn’t done something like this before, but it had been a while. And even the last study you had done hadn’t been as large as this. 

Of course, you had informed Baizhu of the study you had picked up. He’d been accepting of it, knowing you were just passionate about helping him achieve his goal. But what he hadn’t foreseen was the time this project was going to take. Not only did he worry half the time when you were gone on your trips, but he began to worry about the new habit you had picked up. Staying up late, cutting time from sleeping to maximise the time around the research. 

He had put off lecturing you about it for a while, but the first time he saw you nod off in the middle of the day was when he decided the habit had gone far enough. If you were so tired that you kept falling asleep against your will during daytime, you clearly weren’t getting enough sleep during the night. 

So he waited, waited until the next night rolled around once more. He found you seated at your usual spot, eyes going over pieces of text from a book before moving to your own notes and noting something down quickly. His brows furrowed, eyes becoming a little more serious than before. Even in the dark he could tell how tired your eyes seemed, begging for rest. An awful sight which twisted something in his chest. “Dear?” He called out in his usual tone, voice a little quieter than usually, as to not wake up Changsheng. This still caught your attention almost immediately, half lidded eyes turning to Baizhu. The sight of him erasing the more serious look from your face, a faint smile replacing it. “Yes?” You lowered your hands to the table, letting go of the page you’d been holding previously. “You do know staying up like this is detrimental to your health?” He said, and you could have sworn you heard a sigh escape him right after. The seriousness on his face had disappeared, one of worry staring down at you. You chuckled, trying to ease the mood that had settled as the conversation went on. “I’m only doing this page, I’m coming to bed straight after. Promise”, you nodded straight after as if trying to assure him further. His eyes looked to the side for a moment, wanting to argue with the fact that he’d seen you nod off. But then again he didn’t wish to call you out like this was some kind of serious argument. “Very well”, was all he said. You could see his shoulders ease out a little but the worry never left his face. Though it was not very apparent, you could only tell it was there from the years of companionship you’d had with the man. He was criminally good at hiding his emotions when he wished to do so. 

And with that he had left you alone to finish the page you’d been working on. Though, the research had tempted you enough to work a little longer than that. It was only when you’d begun to feel your wrist ache a little that you’d seen it best to stop and get some rest. Thankfully Baizhu had fallen asleep by that time, making it a little easier to slide under the covers and get some shut eye. Though, that didn’t cancel out the slight guilt you felt about taking longer than you had promised. 

But by the morning, it seemed like he hadn’t noticed the extended time you’d taken. Only, the wrist pain from last night hadn’t disappeared. Not only that, but it felt like it had gotten worse. Certain positions hurt enough to gain a slight gasp from you and having your hand relaxed felt a little awkward too. Not even mentioning that any sudden movements like shaking your hands was a no as well. You even thought of putting something to still the range of movement your wrist had for the day, but if you did that Baizhu would without a doubt lecture you on the project and the toll it had taken on your health. 

But even with the pain and slight tiredness, the mornings were always peaceful. The smell of fresh fruit and breakfast comforted you no matter the mood you might have been in in the morning. And that portion of each day felt like a puzzle that wasn’t missing any pieces. 

You felt the presence of Baizhu as his back was turned to you. He’d sat down to eat, which you intended on doing as well. You reached into a cabinet for tea, knowing the kind Baizhu liked wasn’t the one you preferred. So the one on the table mustn't have been the one you were looking for. Only, the teas were kept high up in the cabinet. This usually wasn’t a problem for either of you, but this morning the placement couldn’t have been more inconvenient for you. Your hand almost got to the teas, but before you could get it down you twisted your wrist. It caused a silent wince to escape you, but as silent as you’d tried to make it, it hadn’t gone unnoticed. Baizhu’s sharp eyes were on you, his lips parting as he was clearly interested in questioning you of what had happened. “Haha, silly me. Thought the package was going to fall on me!” You tried to giggle off the fading pain, biting your inner lip in hopes that the excuse had been good enough. Of course it hadn’t, but Baizhu only frowned lightly. “Do you need me to get it for you?” He asked, placing his hands on the edge of the table, ready to stand up. “No! It’s okay.” You quickly nodded, flashing him a smile before fighting through the pain as you swiftly grabbed the tea and brought it down to you. It hurt, but admitting to your bad habit would have hurt even more. It wasn’t even about your ego, but instead seeing him worry for you when you were doing the whole research for his sake that hurt even more than any wrist pain could. 

You eventually sat down with him, enjoyed your breakfast and followed him to the pharmacy as he opened the place up and let patients in. You spending the rest of the day out of his way and continuing the research project. It was apparent that the pain had been caused by the immense writing you’d suddenly started doing. And it must have agitated something in your hand to cause pain from your wrist to elbow and back down to your fingers. But that was only one hand down, you still had one perfectly working hand to use and you weren't going to waste anymore time pondering about such minor issues when you had work to do. The secrets the new plants withheld weren’t going to solve themselves. 

The day passed quickly this way, and only the sound of the last patient thanking Baizhu and leaving got your attention. With no breaks taken yet again, you could feel your lower back ache. Nothing bad, but you noted that a better chair could help to avoid it down the line. 

Baizhu came around to your table, eyes quickly scanning the freshly written pages in front of you. Something of relief passed through his body as he saw some clear conclusion markings on the pages, indicating that you’d come to some kind of conclusion with the research that day. “Would you mind giving these to Qiqi, I have something to go and fetch.” He asked gently, placing two wrapped packages on the side of the table. “Mhm, of course.” You hummed, putting down the book that you’d been reading. “Much obliged, dear”, the man said before heading off. You gently pushed the chair you’d been on back, taking a gentle hold of the packages before heading for the front desk in the search for Qiqi. Nowhere to be found, you stood still, looking around for her. 

It had taken you quite a while to catch a glimpse of her, but eventually you’d been able to call her over. Only, by that time Baizhu had made it back as well. He was able to observe you pick up the packages once more and attempt to hand them over to Qiqi. Though, doing this with one hand had proven to be the wrong move. They weighed quite a bit and caused your wrist to complain about the strain put on it. You winced, almost dropping both of the packages. Thankfully Qiqi had been close enough to catch the one that had fallen, carefully accepting the last one you offered her. She seemed to know what they were for and hurried to take them wherever she’d been told to drop them off at. 

You scrunched your nose a little while caressing the wrist. “Dear, are you alright?” The all too familiar voice of Baizhu’s called out, concern clear in it. “Ah, it’s nothing. Really.” You sighed off the initial shock of finding him in the same space, shoulders relaxing. “Then I assume you wouldn’t mind if I had a look?” The doctor asked, clearly already assured that something was wrong. And he was right too, if you truly were fine there would have been no reason to run from the questions. You’d been caught. “Very well. Go ahead, doctor.” You sighed, reaching out your arm for him. He raised his eyebrows for a moment, looking at you before lowering his eyes to your hand. 

His hands felt smooth as he took a hold of yours. He was always gentle, even now when he seemed a little frustrated with the way you’d been deceiving him. He kept his eyes keenly on your hand, which was a performance you couldn’t even attempt. Chewing on your inner lip, your eyes were fixated on him. He gently pressed along the muscles of your hand, moving along to your wrist. Nothing. His eyes narrowed, gently turning the hand up and pushing it further with his own palm. Nothing. Not out of options, he pushed your hand down, making you bite down on your lip just a little harder. But he felt the way your hand tensed up. Gently, his fingers slid along the ink stained skin of your hand. He turned it around, the palm facing him. Intertwining his fingers with yours, the hold got a little stronger as he used his hand to push yours down once more. A silent ‘ah-’ gave him a mark to stop but also confirmed his initial worries. Careful, he lifted your hand back to a more comfortable position. “Does it hurt if you shake your hands?” He asked, the question so specific you had to think for a moment. Think all the way back to this morning when you’d washed your hands and shook them dry before using a towel. The shaking had hurt enough for you to stop the action completely. “On occasion,” you muttered, voice now more defeated than ever. “You’ve been working far too much. You’ve given your body a proper shock by switching its natural rhythm.�� He spoke surprisingly gently while turning around and swiftly picking up some bandages. But at the end of the day his reaction shouldn’t have come as a surprise. This was the most patient man you knew, and he somehow kept it together no matter what came his way. And you’d found that when it came to you, he couldn’t find it in him to be mad. If only ever so slightly frustrated, but even that seemed to have been rooted in care, not malice or hate. He knew rushing others and being impatient wasn’t going to help anything or anyone. 

“But I’m almost done. Well at least I suspect so.” You automatically chirped out a protest, eyes keenly following as he leaned forward and carefully began to wrap your wrist. You didn’t pull away, watching as the roll got thinner the more he applied it on you. “Too tight?” He asked, seemingly having ignored what you’d just said to him. You gave him a look for that, knowing he most likely missed it as his focus was elsewhere. To answer his question, it was rather tight but that meant it was going to hold better. Just what you’d been craving since the morning. “It’s good”, you replied and observed as he held the end of the bandage in place and used his other hand to grab a clip which he stretched out to hold the bandage in place. “There. Now, I’d suggest you go and rest early.” He took a pause, but spoke up again early enough so you couldn’t protest immediately after. “And I’m not saying this as your doctor. Please, dear.” He sighed, perhaps without even noticing he gave your hand a squeeze. Your mouth opened ever so slightly, a protest you’d prepared at the tip of your tongue. Though something stopped you, dragged you back from saying it out loud. “Sure, thank you.” Your gaze rose up to his face. A more warmer smile appeared on his face, his hands gently slipping away from yours, slowly like he didn’t want to let go. You gave the wrist a little test of endurance. What had felt painful before felt much better now. Baizhu seemed to have noticed this too as he straightened his back. 

His hand carefully placed itself just below your shoulder, gently pushing your forward. “And now, we’re going to rest.” Baizhu said calmly, but you could hear the tiredness from his own voice. He’d spent his own life force today, but as always he hid that well. And you didn’t question him about it either. “The sun’s down.” A whisper hit your ear as he gave your cheek a tender kiss. The way he was now eased any worry you might have had, willingly following him to a bed which now felt a lot more inviting than before. 

AN// Now, about ao3, since I most likely won’t be making a separate post about it. I won’t post anything new there, only cross post the fanfics from this blog that I like the most. Since I know a lot of ao3 users don’t use tumblr ! But tumblr will still be my main platform for anything I write, and most likely will have even more content since AO3 will be only for my personal favourites :”D

[sleepyfan-blog]

Rotten Hope (1)

Author’s note: Part one of the Typhus x Reader fics. I blame you all for the botflies that have spawned because of this.  Next

Tagged: @ms--lobotomy @egrets-not-regrets @the-pure-angel @whorety-k @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan

Warnings: fictional illness, quarantine, bodily fluids, body horror, vomiting, please ask me to tag anything that makes you uncomfortable that I missed

Summary: Illness ravages the sector you’ve been quarantined in. Desperate for help as supplies dwindle, you psychically reach out to a nearby Astartes Librarian, who promises to bring aid.

word count: 2, 677 words

In your centuries of life, you’d seen many things. Glorious heights and dizzying lows…  But this creeping, miserable sickness that weakened the bodies and minds of the non-perpetual humans around you was a whole new kind of awful that you’d have been happy to have never seen ever. You’d established yourself on this world as a mid-level rogue trader before the quarantine had gone in place. You were wealthy, yes, but not Very Well Known, as your perpetual nature might attract the attention of the Inquisition, and you’d spent long enough dodging their knives and gang-pressing into their service last century, thank you very much. 

You’d funded the research project into trying to combat and cure the horrible illness that started as excessive lethargy and the inability to focus on any one task for more then a handful of minutes. After a week or two of low energy, the person afflicted with this disease would suddenly get a strong burst of energy and the desire to go out and interact with as many people as possible, alongside a minor cough and the occasional but regular sneeze. After a week of increased energy, a terrible fever would strike, alongside a bright red rash that appeared across an afflicted person’s back, neck and shoulders.

The rash was incredibly itchy and, if scratched, oozed puss that was highly contaminated and spread the illness just as quickly as sneezing or coughing directly on another person did. It took another week for the rash to spread fully across an afflicted person’s body, with pustules appearing wherever a person scratched that often burst painfully, before regrowing. Within a month over half of the total population of the world you’d been visiting had caught the illness and were suffering through one of the first three stages of the illness. That was when the planetary governor instated the quarantine, even as the rash spread across her cheeks and faces, enforced by the arbites and the astra militarum in hazmat gear.

The governor had also sent out a shelter in place order, with rations being delivered to the shelters of the living at regular intervals, to further discourage anyone from breaking the stay in place order. Those who did not have permanent housing of their own were put up in hotel rooms for no cost. The medical and medical research staff on world who had not fallen to the illness were working frantically to come up with either a cure or at least a treatment that would delay the onset of further symptoms…

Especially as after the pustules on an afflicted person’s body had burst and reformed over half of their skin, they had to be put in full-body restraints, as otherwise the altered mental state that the sickness-afflicted person went into was both violent and difficult to stop with anything less than using lasgun rounds to each of their joints and melta-flames to prevent the gushing spurts of puss that sprayed from those wounds from covering everything in a ten foot radius in grey, highly infectious bodily fluids that stunk so badly of rot and death that made anyone improperly attired vomit. While in this violent state, if the infected person or people weren’t properly restrained, they tried to infect as many people as they could by forcibly trying to smear the puss into the eyes, mouth, or nose of any uninfected they could reach.

You’d used your contacts made as a Rogue Trader to desperately call for aid in combatting this illness… There was also the fact that, should things continue as they were, within about six months, all of the emergency stores of rations would be depleted, as the ill still needed to be fed, no matter how violent they became. Not that the sick seemed to be able to die of the infection itself - the only fatalities that had happened were due to the arbites having to kill the infected who broke free of their restraints and tried to infect the healthy.

You… You weren’t sure the fact that the sick weren’t able to die of the illness that ravaged their bodies and minds was a good thing, especially as both medical supplies and rations began to run low. You’d contacted your friends and allies you’d made as a rogue trader and found out that the fucking Inquisition had declared the entire system a no-go zone. Oh, the callous bastards were watching as the healthy of this and the other five living worlds scrambled and tried to keep themselves from succumbing to the illness they were trying to research a cure or at least treatments to ease the worst of the symptoms… But they refused to send so much as an unmanned ship of medical or standard rations, much less anything that would truly help the situation.

Bastards!

You did have ways of sending encoded messages to others that the Inquisitors who were heartlessly watching the people of this system suffer and break under the onslaught of this illness couldn’t intercept and stop. While you were still wary of the genetically altered creations of Neoth’s, you were keenly aware that many of the Adeptus Astartes who roamed the stars did try to protect humanity to the best of their abilities and many of them despised the Inquisition and would come to help in order to spite whichever Ordo of the inquisition was withholding aid to this system… Doing so, however, required that you use some of the psychic gifts that you used as sparingly as possible, in order to avoid detection as the powerful psyker you were.

Dodging curious Astartes Librarians was a small price to pay for aid for the mortals suffering in utter agony all around you… Which was why you settled down into a meditative pose, sitting comfortably on your ship, the murmurs of your frightened crew and anxieties a background hum that you needed to ignore in order to reach out psychically. You had been on semi-friendly terms with Neoth before he’d been interred onto the Golden Throne and did your best to guide humanity towards a better future in whatever ways you could… You also had the verifiable command codes that would prove you were a high ranking - if secret - member of the Imperial Hierarchy when you came into contact with an Astartes Librarian. 

You began your psychic search for an astartes librarian with caution - aware that the Inquisition had their own psykers and you had no desire to reveal yourself to them if at all possible. Time passed as you searched for the particular blend of determination, training and psycho-indoctrination that marked an Astartes Librarian, your mind wandering further and further from your body. 

You could not say how long it took you to find him, but he was a powerful psyker, and held the strict discipline of an Astartes. You lightly tapped on his walls - a silent request to speak, making sure that your pressure against his mind was just enough to be felt, while just as clearly also not being an attack of some kind. 

Less than a second passed before his mind focused on you. You could feel the way his mental presence shifted and stretched, grabbing a rough hold on your consciousness, turning you this way and that, buzzing with confusion and curiosity - and a little bit of indignance that a stranger would dare touch his mind in such a way.  {WHO ARE YOU? WHY ARE YOU REACHING OUT TO ME?} He eventually sent coherently.

You explain who you are, giving the psychic imperial codes that would prove who you were as well, before explaining {The inquisition refuses to allow any aid to come to the system I am in. A terrible illness has infected over ninety percent of the populations of the system I am in. The remaining healthy people are doing their best to try and find a cure or at least treatments for this disease. I am immune, but that’s because I am a perpetual. The immunity I enjoy is not something I can share with others.}

The Astartes Librarian’s mind surged back and forth, thoughts and emotions swirling together in a chaotic hurricane that you could only catch bits and pieces of, though you were trying not to peer too deeply into his mind - it was rude to do that without permission after all - and tried not to get overwhelmed by the intensity of his presence. {And so you sought me out because?}

{Most Astartes and the Inquisition do not get along for… Many reasons. I sought to call for help from an astartes whose mind I could communicate with. Please… the mortals are suffering terribly, though the illness does not seem to let them die…} You plead, offering up the memories you have of the terrible illness ravaging through the near half-dozen worlds.

The screams of the deeply afflicted as they throw themselves bodily at the healthy. Teeth and puss smearing against glass and plastic face plates. The awful coughing and sneezing. The low medical supplies and even fewer rations and food that was edible. The fact that the disease had mutated and afflicted the livestock and domestic animals, causing further vectors of infection and misery. 

{You are a perpetual Rogue Trader, mm? Caught between this illness and the Inquisition, unable to help, unable to flee. Very well. You’re in luck. I am in command of many brothers, and our… Specialty allows us a unique perspective into the nature of illness. We can bring all the aid these mortals needs. But in exchange, you will come with me, without fuss, without fighting. I have never met a perpetual before, except for the Emperor Himself, and I am… Curious.} Teh Atartes rumbles, his mind still wrapped tight around yours. 

You sense he has a number of motives he is hiding from you… But you’re also quite certain that he believes that he is telling the truth when he says that he can help the mortals suffering and agonizing in rotting, miserable stasis all around you. {Yes, I promise to go with you and your brothers without fuss after the people here are healed and well taken care of.}

The pleased rumble he makes and the way his mind caresses yours before letting you go back to your own mind makes you shiver and warmth suffuse through you {I look forward to our meeting, perpetual. You will know when I arrive with my brothers. If my younger brothers give you trouble, tell them that Typhus asked you, little Isha, to come to him.}

You’re not sure why his name - and the name Isha - bother you.  Warning bells ring faintly in the back of your mind, but you can’t quite place why. That and the desperation to get actual help fuels your relief {I understand. About when do you anticipate on arriving?}

{Again, you’re in luck, lovely flower. I and my brothers should arrive within the next month. Two on the outside, if the Inquisitors at the edges of the system you are in actually prove troublesome.} The astartes promises. Something buzzes beneath the surface of his mind, but you do not press, grateful beyond words for his aid. His mind squeezes around your tightly. His rifling through your memories is a little rough, and catches you off, as he gets from you where you are in the galaxy. {Yes, I will be there soon. The mortals’ torments will soon be at an end. You should return to your body, I can sense your exhaustion.}

You grumble a little to yourself, but he’s not wrong. This kind of extended mental contact with another person over such long distances in space is wearing on you. You withdraw from his mind and tumble back into your own body before exhaustion drags you into sleep.

“My lady! My lady, Lord Angels have arrived, and have been distributing food and medical aid to the sick and injured. They… Their armor is rather terrifying, I’ll admit, but their aid has been nothing but true and good. Their first captain has asked to speak with you, as soon as you are able.” Your second in command called out, between knocking rapidly on the door to your personal quarters, waking you out of the troubled dream that had been tormenting you.

Gilded flames had lapped at your feet, threatening to consume your body as creeping green rot choked your lungs and turned the mortals you’d been working alongside to agonized piles of mush and misery. You mentally shook yourself as you respond “I’ll be out to meet him as soon as I get dressed properly! Tell him I’ll be ready in about fifteen minutes.”

You’re already stumbling out of bed and over to your extensive clothes’ closet. Considering the direness of the situation, you hope that the lord angel would forgive the fact that you’re going to be wearing simple clothes beneath the hazmat suit that while you do not need, you wear anyways when going outside, so as to not bring the disease back and potentially infect the mortal crew around you. You pick out a simple shirt and pants combo, along with sensible lslhoes that will fit inside the boots of the hazmat suit, not bothering with any make-up or jewelry, dressed well enough in under five minutes.

It takes three minutes for your to sprint your way through the ship, everyone else clearing way for you to get to the cargo hold, slugging back a small shot of recaff and breakfast rations handed to you by your SIC just before you get suited up into the hazmat suit (Which takes most of the remaining time you told the first captain you’d need to be ready to see him). Just as you step out of your ship, you ask your loyal and stalwart second in command “Which chapter are they from?” Depending on which chapter they were from, you could have a guess as to what the first captain might want of you.

“They say that they are part of the Death Guard legion, ma’am.” Your second in command revealed, oblivious to the bone-deep panic and horror washing through you. “I don’t recognize their markings or heraldry, but they’ve been an enormous boon so far.”

No! No no no… “Have any of you taken anything that he Death Guard has offered you? No matter how small?” You ask, terror and failure acrid tastes in your mouth. How had you not noticed the taint of chaos in his mind at the time? 

“Not yet, as our stores have been fine. Is something wrong, ma’am?” He asks, a worried frown appearing on his face. He can see the fear in your face.

Damn, need to work on your mask, which you quickly put on, radiating confidence “OH… I just… don’t accept anything they give you,  if possible. As soon as I start talking to the first captain, take off and activate the warp drive and get as far away from this system as possible. I can… I can guess what they want with me, and as of now, I am resigning my duties as a Rogue Trader. Everything I own, all of my titles, rights and responsibilities I bequeath to you. FLy far, and fly well.”

“W.. What? My lady? I won’t just leave you-” He splutters. 

You shake your head angrily and hiss “I was the one who contacted them, believing them to be angels! But they are not! They are demons! They feed on  illness and misery, delighting in strive and causing Chaos wherever they go. I have gotten their foul attention and cannot escape, but you and our crew have a chance to escape. Please, take it. I will endure.” 

“I… As you command, my lady. I’ll begin preparations to leave now.” Your former second in command acknowledges, bowing his head forward, trembling a little in the fear that you can’t allow yourself to feel as you leave your ship, walking toward your grim fate with your head held high, despite your trembling hands.

[bendarius]

I was just thinking, Do you think Ben gf is real? I personally believe it's some kinda of catfish...

Well, it's just that seeing him as straight is just UNIMAGINABLE to me. I know people are saying he can be bi/pan but Camp Cretaceous never gave us ANY possible hint of Ben liking girls... Also, I doubt they would officialize Ben as bi or pan someday. So, if he's not coded as bi/pan or officialized as it, we kind of just got queerbaited :( ?

It is not about he ending or not with someone, the thing is that the whole girlfriend reveal felt just like a way of trying to make the viewer stop doubting about Ben's queerness in general. I say that bc is kinda of obvious fans ALWAYS saw a lot of queerness in his character since the beginning of the first show, and is ingenuity to think they arent aware of the viewers' opinions about Ben...

Ps: I love ur blog so much🙌❤️

i think its clear what i think considering i wrote that fic....and no we didnt get queebaited. that would need the crew to promise that there would be more lgbt and we were never told that. its okay to read them as gay. to be fair staight is still the default but he also wasn't shown to like guys either (subtext isnt proof, didnt drop lines like "i mean i think hes cute") meanwhile darius w the beautiful boy line and how desperate he was to keep ben could be read as some kind of proof. i see him as gay no matter what because him liking girls is unfathomable to me....i seriously dont think he has a gf. if anything it wont last bc why are you long distance dating your first gf...scared of sharing irl moments w her?....

i want to work on the benrius subtext analysis. it makes me feel better that people on the crew actually see it too bc i feel less insane. but again crew art isnt official (thank god bc of that kenji darius yaoi satire) or reflective of the shows plot. itd be great if there was some benrius hint but im fine with just reading into their interactions. ben does feel gay to me in many ways with his identity and feeling comfortable in himself but with that theme its very easy to equate it. im just glad theres room for interpretation due to how he presented his gf. in the end its just abt perception, i think theres a reason who we dont rly learn a lot abt his gf. just cause he says he has one is like.....very much room to think otherwise

and thank you so much! i appreciate it, even though im not as active anymore benrius still has a huge place in my heart and i cant wait for their future interactions for real. ill always love them bc of how much chemistry they have. i like ships that have canon chemistry bc its so much easier to imagine a future w them.....hopefully benrius goes down as one of the most coded gay ships trust

[azrielgreen]

I am genuinely so impressed by how you are juggling so many projects. What is your writing process like for that? I remember you sharing about how you romanticize the process but like how much time is given to each project? Is it based on where the dopamine leads you during the day? How do you maintain the discipline? How much of a project is mapped before you start drafting and editing? It is so hard to create and i just *genuinely* admire your work ethic so much.

Hi, oh thank you so much, that's really kind of you! So, juggling multiple projects is still new to me, I've only ever had 1 or 2 at once before but the last year has taught me a LOT about how to manage it, how to roll with the punches and the importance of balance.

TL;DR this became a ramble so I summarised:

3 hours a day

dopamine led but with consistent rewards in place

discipline countered with indulgent self care

embracing change and new inspiration

not comparing to others

making work space very pleasing and comfortable

trust you will do it because you've done it before

romanticise

stay open to the universe

you've never failed unless you give up completely - it's fine to miss a deadline, life is very short and it's better to be healthy, happy and inspired than burnt out and sick. take it slow, enjoy it, work when you can and reward yourself CONSTANTLY.

So, time wise, I will try to dedicate at least 3 hours a day to one single project and I'll try to keep it one project per week otherwise my head is all over the place. It's usually dopamine led as following joy is key to my energy levels, but I have also learnt the past year to discipline myself and adapt to a constant flow of creation.

I maintain the discipline by treating myself as wonderfully as I possibly can. I still and always will romanticise everything I do and make it fun; all frills, self indulgent and lovely. Having a space I love that's set up well is hugely important for me. My desk area is amazing now that I've worked on it for well over a year.

One of the best things for crafting discipline but not losing the joy is the THRILL of achievement. When I complete something, i feel amazing and that spurs me on. I cultivate multiple ideas as indulgently as I can and expose myself to a lot of new inspiration. If something doesn't work or feels not good? I give myself the freedom to change it up and the confidence to know that no matter what, it'll work out beautifully so long as I keep going because it always has. There were times during Touched I would CRY it was so hard to write and I was so distracted.

Knowing you can do something because you've already done it is an incredibly powerful little power up that I use often to give myself a boost.

But honestly, overall, I really do romanticise my life in general. I make beautiful things, I love what I write, I'm so grateful for everything and always open to new ideas and I never close myself off by comparing, doubting or clinging too hard to what felt good before. I give myself space to realise that I'm constantly changing and growing and that my writing reflects that which is SO exciting!! I think honestly, I'm my biggest fan. I hype myself, reward myself and treat writing like a blissful escape, which it is, even when it's 7 hours non-stop for a story I am very ready to be done with.

The most important thing about maintaining this level of output (for me) is giving myself space to mess up a little, to miss a deadline, to delay posting and not feel awful. 'You're Divine' is one of the greatest writing lessons I've ever learned, in that just because you can physically write 25k+ a week doesn't mean you SHOULD. Towards the end I had made myself very ill. I won't ever do that again. It's never a failure, unless you give up completely. Life is very short, it's difficult to feel inspired when you're hard on yourself. Treat yourself like the person you love most in this world. Be a little selfish, lean in where you're weird and praise it to the skies.

Thanks so much again!

Love, Az

💜💜💜

[sissylittlefeather]

I know I said it would be awhile but then this happened...

A Very Quiet Life: Chapter 7

A/N: I originally was going to end the series in chapter 7, but then I decided to let it go on for a while longer and add some stuff. I hope you guys enjoy me dragging it out 😂

Warnings: this one is pretty fluffy with a touch of angst, reader is still a widow and there's mentions of her husband, also illness (vomiting), and mentions of sex, but that's about it.

Links to:

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

I hope you like it! Let me know what you think. I love to interact! ❤️

Song:

Gifs:

You can no longer imagine a life for yourself without him.

******

As badly as you both want him to stay, Elvis has to go home to be there when his wife comes home from her night out. He kisses you about a million times before he finally opens the door to leave. Before he walks all the way out, he steps back inside and grabs you one last time. When he pulls back out of the kiss he holds your face in his hands.

"I love you." Your heart stops, but in the best way possible. You never thought you'd feel like this again. And if you're being honest, this is deeper than anything you've ever felt before, even with Rick, who had been your high school sweetheart. "I couldn't leave here without saying it. You don't have to--"

"I love you too." He smiles and kisses you one last time and then disappears through the door.

Luckily, it's the middle of the night, so Mrs. Walter is asleep. Otherwise, she'd see Elvis punch the air as he walks back to his house. He's happier than he's ever been in his life.

When he gets home, he changes into pajamas and gets straight into bed. He's still buzzing with excitement, but he tries to calm down to an appropriate level for when Beth gets there. Just then, he hears her key in the door. Or rather, he hears her cuss and drop her keys as she tries to unlock the door. She must be drunk. He gets out of bed annoyed and goes to open the door for her. When he does, she stands up laughing and throws her arms around his neck.

"My knight in shining armor." He peels her off of himself and helps her into the house. She's drunker than he's seen her in a long time. He gets her to the bedroom clumsily before she turns and looks at him. Then, she leans in and kisses him full on the mouth. He's not sure what to do, so he keeps his eyes open and his lips closed. When she finally pulls back from him she pouts.

"Beth, what are you doing?"

"Why won't you make love to me anymore?" She slurs.

"What?" She plops herself down on the bed and attempts to take her shoes off.

"Why don't you ever try to make love to me? You used to at least try." She pouts at him again. He bends down to take off her shoes. While he's on his knees in front of her, she puts her thighs on his shoulders.

"Please..." He pulls out from under her and stands up.

"Beth. You're drunk. We're not doing this." She leans forward and attempts to untie his pajama pants. Thankfully, she's too drunk to figure out that she just needs to pull them down. He puts her hands back in her lap and goes to her dresser to get some pajamas for her. She tries to unbutton her blouse, but she can't seem to make her fingers work. Elvis undresses her carefully and puts her pjs on. He has the briefest moment of regret as he lays her down in the bed and tucks her in. Does she really deserve to be abandoned like he's planning?

He looks at her laying there and remembers the girl he fell in love with all those years ago. Then, he thinks of you and the love he feels for you now. There's really no comparison. Even though he doesn't want to hurt her, he knows he'll have to eventually. But not tonight. He climbs into the bed and lays as close to the edge as he can while Beth snores quietly on her side.

******

On Tuesday, Elvis knocks on your door a little before lunch time. You were beginning to wonder if he was coming over. When you open the door for him, a smile spreads across his face, replacing the worried look that had been there.

"Hey, baby." He wraps his arms around you as soon as the door is closed behind him. You notice he didn't mess with the toolbox this time. He holds you tightly and buries his face in your hair.

"Are you okay?" You ask, pulling back from him and looking into his eyes.

"Beth. She just..." He takes both of your hands in his and kisses your fingers. "She tried to have sex with me on Saturday." You pull your hands away and step back.

"Did you...?"

"No! She was drunk as a skunk. And I wouldn't have even if she wasn't." You look up into his eyes and try to figure out if he's telling the truth.

"Don't you trust me?" You put your hand on your forehead. Of course you do. Why are you acting like this?

"I do. I'm sorry." You're just so scared to lose him. And this whole situation is so stressful. Your stomach turns over sickeningly. "I need to sit down."

He walks you to the couch and sits down with you.

"I'm sorry. I guess it's just... the thought of you two... I-I-I'm going to be sick!" He gets the little trash can that you keep next to the couch in front of you just in time. What the hell is happening?!

He rubs on your back and then brings you a wet towel from the kitchen. As he hands it to you, he notices how pale you are and puts his hand on your forehead.

"Babe, you're burning up. We need to get you to bed." He scoops you into his arms again and carries you to your room. He lays you gently on the bed and then brings you another trash can. You know you should be humiliated, but you're too sick to care. You're just glad he's there to take care of you. And he does, for the rest of the day. He even goes to the store for crackers and soda. When he's not at the store, he rubs your back and holds your hair while you puke and brings you a fresh trash can when you need one.

At about 2:30, your phone rings. You answer it weakly and the school nurse informs you that both of your kids are sick as well. You turn to him pleadingly and he takes the phone and explains that he will be there to pick them up shortly. They don't even ask who he is; they just assume he must be a relative.

When he gets home with the kids, he sets them both up in bed with you with their own trash cans. He's a regular little nurse, bringing you all water and crackers and soda and clean trash cans. The kids finally pass out around 7 and you seem to have reached the end of your stomach contents. Elvis is in the middle of the bed next to you, stroking your hair, with Jane leaned up against his other side and Michael curled up at his feet. You open your eyes and sit up a bit.

"Beth...?"

"She left this morning. I'm not going anywhere."

"Good. Thank you." You snuggle into his shoulder and try to get some sleep.

At one point you wake up to the sound of Jane throwing up. You sit up frantically and find Elvis holding her hair and singing quietly to her. You take the trash can to the kitchen and put a new bag in it. When you bring it back, she's leaned up against him again as he continues to sing. His voice is deep and smooth and soothing. You stand in the doorway for a bit and take in the scene.

Rick was never good with vomit. And the kids were so little when he died that he really never experienced anything like this. Michael was just a baby and Jane was only 3. Do they miss him?

For so long it felt like you might die from the pain of missing him. Then it was hard to breathe, but you knew you would survive. Now, you're just glad to have the memories and ready for the future. You hope Rick might even be happy that you found someone who is so good to you and his children. A single tear slides down your cheek as Elvis looks up and sees you in the doorway.

"I think she's asleep." You wipe your cheek and crawl back into the bed.

"Yeah, she is." You snuggle up next to him and put your arms around him. "Hey." He looks down at you.

"Yes?"

"I love you." He kisses your forehead.

"I love you too, honey." You fall asleep in each other's arms, with both kids tucked in around you on the bed.

******

The sunlight is streaming in through the bedroom window and you feel movement by your feet. When you wake up, you realize that all four of you are still in the bed together. You go to shake Elvis awake, but it's too late. Both kids are up.

"Mama, Mr. Presley stayed with us all night!" Jane points to him and whispers excitedly. He hears his name and stirs. When he realizes where he is, he looks at you questioningly. Before he can say anything, though, Michael jumps on his lap.

"Do you live here now?" Elvis looks at you again. This is bad.

"No, buddy, I just stayed to help your mom since you were all sick. I guess everyone is feeling better?" You're weak from the lack of food, but the sickness seems to have passed. The kids have bounced back like only kids can do.

"Yeah, I think we're okay. Thank you, Elvis. That was very kind of you to stay and help us, but I think you can go now."

"Awww, does he have to?" Michael looks at you pleadingly while Jane continues to look back and forth between you. She knows Elvis is married.

"Yes, Michael, I'm sorry, but I have work to do today." He ruffles Michael's hair and slides out of the bed. He slept in his clothes, but he sits on the side of the bed to put his shoes on. You get up too and walk him to the door.

"I probably shouldn't kiss you, huh?" He asks once the kids are finally out of earshot. You laugh.

"No, probably not. For several reasons." He chuckles.

"Can I hug you at least?" You glance back to the kids and see that they're busy arguing over what to eat for breakfast, so you nod. He wraps his arms around you and whispers in your ear.

"I love you, baby." You whisper back that you love him too and he leaves, pulling the door closed behind him. He tries to walk casually back to his house like it's totally normal for him to be at your house when the sun comes up.

Inside the house, you go to the kitchen to help the kids find breakfast. Once you get them both set up with toast, you walk into the living room and sit down on the couch. You need to eat too. You feel lightheaded from everything that's happened.

"Mama, doesn't Mr. Presley have a wife?" Shit.

"Yes, Jane." She sits next to you on the couch.

"But then how is he your boyfriend?" How does she even know what that means?

"He's not, sweetie. He just came to help."

"But you love him, don't you?" Oh, geez. How do you answer that?

"Jane, I..."

"He makes you happy. You haven't been happy since Daddy died. But you're happy now."

"Jane, baby, this is a grown up problem. Please don't worry about it. And, um, let's not tell anyone about Mr. Presley staying the night..." She nods slowly.

"Yes, Mama. I just think it's nice that you're happy again." She gets up and goes back to the table to finish her toast. You put your head in your hands and try to hide the tears that are streaming down your face silently.

Mrs. Walter is in her front window with a cup of coffee. She sighs to herself. She was right.

******

Chapter 8 coming eventually! (Maybe soon? Who knows?!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Taglist:

@itlover8000 @deniseinmn @elvisalltheway101 @ccab @suxny @hernameisnoellex3 @ashtag6887 @arabellapresley @littlehoneyposts @dkayfixates @elvisxsposts @joshuntildawn13 @msamarican @returntopresley @mrsbutler99

Want to be added to the Taglist? Let me know!

[sickficideas]

🍎 for ryūnosuke?

Sick or Treat!

of course i skip to him right away cause he's my favorite hehe...

(Warnings: emeto/vomiting, a little angsty, vague references to his terminal illness)

🍎 (Food Poisoning) - Akutagawa + Gin and Higuchi

“I’m the worst person ever,” Ichiyo laments, totally meaning for that thought to stay inside her head.

“You are not the worst person ever,” Gin assures her, sounding almost like a kindergarten teacher consoling a child. She’s busy clipping Akutagawa’s hair back with barrettes in wake of Ichiyo’s failed attempt to use a hairband. She's already had to wash some vomit out of his hair.

“You couldn’t…couldn’t possibly have known,” Akutagawa barely manages, leaning against the side of the shower door, beside the toilet, where he’s spent the last forty-five minutes, at least. He looks a little more comfortable now with the comforter Ichiyo brought to him, but he’s still downright miserable. He has enough stomach issues as it is, he really didn’t need food poisoning on top of all of that. Ichiyo will certainly cross off the restaurant they went to for lunch as a possibility for the future ever again.

She feels awful, seeing Akutagawa so sick, completely able to do anything to truly help him feel better. It was only an hour or two ago when he first told her over the phone that he was feeling sick to his stomach, simply asking Ichiyo if she could pick something up for him. She should have known it was this bad. He wouldn't ask for help otherwise. He had even managed to avoid involving Gin, but Ichiyo has undone that attempt.

“I'll be right back,” Gin says.

Akutagawa seems to doze off for a few moments, and Ichiyo is glad that he has a second to, but it doesn't last for long. A quiet, half-asleep cough turns into a gag, and without much warning at all, he's haphazardly brought his hand up to his mouth, too late to catch any of the vomit that falls down the front of the comforter.

Ichiyo squeaks and scurries to get next to him to lead him back to the toilet. For a second, she thinks he might be done, but it sounds like his body is still so nauseous from it all that it's still forcing gags, and bringing up more of his evidently undercooked lunch splashing into the toilet water. He can't even get a few seconds of sleep with how awfully nauseous he is. His poor tummy.

He's almost distraught, this time, he didn't have any chance of making it to the toilet in time but Ichiyo does what she can to comfort him, keeping a hand on his back that's starting to feel much too warm to be normal. He groans from the pain. His breathing starts to get irregular again.

“I'll take it to get washed right away,” Ichiyo promises, since he's clearly more concerned with the vomit on the comforter than how he's feeling. She can't help but pout when he lays his cheek on the lid of the toilet seat, his eyes feverish and face red, still visibly nauseous. She carefully reaches for the comforter, still halfway over his lap, and folds it up, tucking it away in the corner. “I'm so sorry, Akutagawa…”

“You didn't…you didn't do anything wrong, Higuchi,” he says with a few unsteady, nauseous sounding breaths in between. He coughs, too, because of course his lungs won't give him a break. “You…shouldn't have gone out of your way to…to help me…”

Ichiyo’s always thrown off when he talks like that, it's not like him to say things like that at all - to anyone, but especially not her. He's always so docile when he's sick like this.

“I'll always try to help you. However I can,” she says quietly.

Gin is back in the doorway with a glass of water that she sets on the sink counter just in time for Akutagawa to weakly lift up his head and choke up a mouthful of vomit. She kneels down beside him and rubs his back, gently and methodically like she's done it a million times. He's sick so often, Ichiyo doesn't even want to think about how many times they've been in this situation. And it's only been getting worse, in the last few months.

She sneaks out with the folded blanket and wanders into their laundry room to dump it into the washer right away. There's a sweater down at the bottom too that's got vomit stains on it too. That's what he was wearing when she found him, curled up on the kitchen floor, his stomach causing him so much pain that he couldn't move. Her eyes flood with tears. It is her fault. She took him to that restaurant. He wouldn't be so sick if she had picked somewhere else for them to eat after their shift ended, even though she was just trying to get him to eat at all. She was glad he even agreed to it.

She rubs at her eyes, knowing Gin will pick up on any sign of her crying if she starts now, but she's too late. She jumps. There's a hand on her shoulder.

Gin doesn't ever turn the stealth off.

“Higuchi,” she says with a frown full of pity. “It's okay. He'll be okay, he always is.”

The tears stream down her face when she says that and Gin doesn't waste any time wrapping her arms around her, tight, and Ichiyo does it right back. Gin is so used to seeing her brother vulnerable that it doesn't hurt her nearly as much as it does for Ichiyo, but she feels her grip shake. She's worried too.

“Thank you for coming to take care of him. And calling me,” Gin says gently. “I'm really grateful that you're so kind.”

“Gin…” Ichiyo murmurs, her tears clouding her vision now, as she buries her face in Gin's shoulder.

[i-heart-hxh]

Hiiii! You're probably absolutely sick of these asks by now regarding the leaked ending, but as a relatively new fan, I have a possibly dumb question: what is the point of them revealing this scrapped ending? Just to get fans up in arms? Like obviously it's not being used, hence it's no good, but then what's the point of revealing it to us when the real ending is seemingly so far away? I personally feel it would make more sense, after the series actually ends, to say "well, here's all the other endings we considered! Haha glad we didn't use these!" and then it would be more lighthearted. Idk, it makes me ill at ease, but I'm more confused than anything?

I'm still trying to process what to do with this information as well, and discussing it with people and explaining what I think about it helps, so I'm definitely not sick of talking about it for now! It'll probably take me a while to reach that point, though I may need to space it out with other topics after a bit, haha.

So, I'm sure the main reason Togashi revealed this rejected ending is to leave his fans with something in case he dies suddenly or is otherwise incapacitated. While (as far as we know) his health issues don't seem to be life-threatening, they do seem to be excruciatingly painful, and after the sudden death of Kentaro Miura (the author of Berserk, an extremely famous and well-regarded manga) a few years ago, many people started discussing Togashi's health and the very real possibility he'll never get to finish HxH.

I think the bind he was put in was that he doesn't want to reveal how he plans to end the series or even give us good hints/insight into what he has planned, so he's providing this rejected ending as last resort option--just anything people can look at and say, "Well, at least we have one idea of how it could have gone," (at one point, anyway) if it comes down to it. As I've said in other posts, I think this ending fits a bunch of criteria that are delicate to balance, and so if he wants to provide something, this is all he can give us. Because this is an epilogue that's disconnected from the main plot and reveals essentially nothing, and because he doesn't plan to use it (or anything like it, I'm guessing), it's "safe" to put out there. That's probably why it's clichéd and boring, he can't give us anything juicy without putting himself in a tough situation writing-wise.

There is in fact a lot of uncertainty about whether Togashi will be able to finish HxH--the current arc is tremendously complex, Togashi goes on long hiatuses for his health often, who knows how much more of the series he has planned. The current arc is ambitious, to say the least. Togashi himself has said he doesn't know if he or HxH will perish first, but he still has things he wants to explore in it.

While I don't like this rejected ending he released at all, I do think it comes from his concern for his fans and guilt at his slow progress in the manga, and fear that he won't actually be able to finish. So, he wanted to leave something, anything, while still keeping as many of his writing avenues open as he can and not tipping his hand to any elements that are still in play. For instance, I think he didn't include Killua at all because he knows there's a lot of suspense among the audience about whether he and Gon will reunite, so by leaving him out, that's still completely ambiguous. Same with no Kurapika--will Kurapika live or not? Well, if he doesn't appear and just vaguely describes "this character's relative," etc., there's no hints about the outcome of that, either.

While I would have preferred he reveal other potential endings after the end of the series, like you said, he sadly may not ever have that luxury.

I haven't seen anyone else say this, but I'm also sure the letter itself and this reveal are PR--the last round of Puzzle, the Togashi Exhibition, just opened in Fukuoka the other day, and releasing this shocking ending now is guaranteed to generate buzz and publicity. So, that's an additional factor to keep in mind! I'm sure the timing isn't a coincidence.

I hope that answers some of your questions! It's an odd turn of events, but I think I at least understand the reasoning behind the reveal, if not all the choices made in the rejected ending itself.

[allthelittlecreepycrawlies]

For the writing Jam - Running away

After something (a fight with his brother, hearing something cutting) Huaisang decides to leave forever /until he decides otherwise and either finds a wild meng yao or drags an already nie working meng yao with him.

He hadn't intended for this to happen.

He had just wanted some time, some space, to be alone until the anger bubbling under his skin had calmed down.

And he'd had a right to be angry! To find out that the weak health that had killed his mother in childbirth and had plagued him all his life was due to a curse, a fucking bloodline curse at that, was bad enough. To find out his da-ge had known it was a curse for years, but had been throwing him around on the training field anyway out of a conviction that he could just... bull his way through it-!

Who wouldn't be angry?!

So he had given the guards the slip and gone looking for some place he could scream out his rage and pull himself together without being bothered by this or that.

Which had been a good plan up until a sudden summer storm had boiled the clouds to pitch black, full of heavy rain and lightning.

He was aware that he'd somehow gotten turned around too many times with sheets of rain making it hard to get his bearings, but now he couldn't even figure out which way it was to the road. He was lucky to even be able to tell which direction was downhill in this mess.

The ground having become too muddy to support it, a stone under his foot gave way, and he yelped as he slid and rolled down the mud and wet grass to smack painfully into a tree.

Well, at least the branches were dense enough to give him some protection as long as the wind was blowing right. Soaked to the bone, he huddled into a pitiful little ball with his knees drawn to his chest.

Already, he could feel the pain building in his chest, like he was trying to breathe around a mess of little needles, and the harder it got, the dizzier he got.

Bad.

This was bad.

He tried to push himself to his feet, but when his legs refused to hold him, he huddled back down, shivering.

How long had he been out here? With the cold and his short breathing numbing his mind, it was getting hard to think.

"Gongzi?"

Startled by the unfamiliar voice out of nowhere, he briefly sat up straight, before sliding sideways along the tree bark to slump bonelessly to the ground.

When had it stopped raining?

His vision swam in and out of focus as careful hands rolled him onto his back.

His last thought before darkness claimed him was that his hallucination of a rescuer was very pretty.

---

He woke up to a fever and a gross throb in his head and more needles in his chest.

The healer in charge of him had been prepared to give him a dressing down for having gotten so sick, until he'd told the old man why he'd been out when the storm had blown in. Seeing his white mustache and beard practically flutter in irritation made him almost feel bad about directing that ire in his da-ge's direction.

Shortly after the healer returned in a huff, someone else poked their head into his room.

Oh.

His rescuer hadn't been a hallucination.

He was still very pretty, though. And his laugh when told so was adorable.

And this 'Meng Yao' was going to be staying for some time. Even if his da-ge was a blockheaded jerk about some things, he recognized a good asset when he saw one, and within hours of arriving at the gates with an unconscious body on his back, Meng Yao had been officially registered as an administrative aide.

What a strange turn of luck. However long ago he'd passed out, he had been afraid and angry and hopeless.

And now he was still alive, with the possibility that his health curse would be broken properly, and a new friend... who didn't seem at all averse to his illness-induced awkwardness at flirting.

Maybe his unfortunate adventure had used up all of his bad luck for the time being.

He could hope, at least.

[cosmerelists]

Cosmere Characters in a Three-Legged Race

A three-legged race is when two people stand shoulder to shoulder and then tie the center two legs together--so one person's right leg tied to their partner's left leg, for example. Then they try to move fast as possible to win a race against other "three-legged" duos.

Cosmere characters have paired up for just such a race. How will that go?

1. Kaladin & Shallan

Shallan: Now remember--I can't keep up with your RIDICULOUSLY long Alethi legs! Shallan: You have to moderate your stride so that we can move in concert! Shallan: Otherwise you'll probably end up just dragging me along on the ground behind you and we don't want that! Kaladin: ... Shallan: ... Shallan: I said we don't want that. Kaladin: All I'm hearing is "I don't want to win." Shallan: I'D LIKE A NEW PARTNER PLEASE

2. Wax & Steris

Steris: Are you sure we should be competing in this race? Steris: Even with the aid of my metronome to facilitate our rhythm, we are not exactly the fastest Wax: I don't have a problem with that. Wax: I just want to run this race with you and have a good time. Steris: You're not...embarrassed that I have a metronome? Wax: Are you kidding? I think the other racers are going to be jealous.

3. Eshonai & Venli

Venli: We're taller than the humans and we can attune our rhythms to be perfectly in sync. Truly, they have no hope of victory. Eshonai: Yes! It's fascinating that humans have created a game that they are so ill suited for. Venli: Okay, but just tell me you're not SO fascinated by the humans that you're gonna get distracted and make us lose, okay? Venli: I DON'T want a repeat of last year's "Ring Toss" incident! Eshonai: Oooh, look at how mismatched those two are! I wonder why-- Venli: FOCUS ESHONAI

4. Kaladin & Lopen

Kaladin: Hey Lopen, I need a new partner for the race and I was wondering if-- Kaladin: ... Kaladin: Why are you standing in a box labeled "SHAME BOX"? Lopen: You tell me, gon! Lopen: I just said I wanted to sign up for the three-legged race! Lopen: And they were all, "Where's your partner?" and I was all, "I don't need a partner 'cause I got the third leg right HERE in my pa-" Kaladin: I'll keep looking.

5. Lift & Szeth

Lift: All right, listen up. When that whistle goes, I'm gonna slick the ground and you and I are gonna slide right to victory. Szeth: Plan understood. Szeth: But I am still unclear about why you chose me as your partner. We are wildly different heights. Lift: Eh, steal a rock together, be bonded forever. Lift: Also you seem like a guy who'll just sorta take instruction without asking questions. Szeth: Accurate. Lift: Yeah, we SO got this in the bag.

6. Lopen & Wayne

Lopen: Third leg in pants joke? Wayne: Third leg in pants joke. Lopen: Funniest guys here, banished to the Shame Box. Wayne: And they can't let us pair up, 'cause it wouldn't be fair to have one pair with SIX legs. --best friends high five!--

7. Yumi & Painter

Yumi: Stop yawning, Nikaro! We need to focus! Painter: I'm trying! It's just, we've been practicing three-legged race strategies all night! Yumi: Child's play! It's not like we were balancing books on our heads the whole time the way I suggested. Painter: Okay, but next year we're doing MY training regimen, okay? Yumi: 'Just wing it and hope for the best'? Painter: [thumbs up]

8. Kaladin & Moash

Kaladin: Thanks, Moash. I really needed a partner! Moash: I got you. But--before we begin, we must agree that our goal...is ultimate victory. Kaladin: Yes, of course. Moash: We will be in sync, we will push ourselves to our limit, and we WILL win. Kaladin: Yeah!! Moash: And if we must run over small children to achieve our victory, that IS an acceptable price. Kaladin: Wait, what. Moash: toolateyoualreadyagreedlet'sgoooooo Kaladin: CHILDREN LOOK OUT

[doctors-journal]

4 May

This may be the last time I write from the hotel room.

The window is open, but I can’t make out any stars, only the glow of the moon through the clouds that covered the sky all day in a blanket of deep grey. Occasionally, it even drizzled a little; I’d forgotten how much it rains in England year round. When the sun shone through, shafts of light streamed down like a brilliant halo, and the rain glittered.

I met up with Liza today—on purpose this time. It was fine.

The first thing she said when she saw me was, “You look like you’ve been pulling all nighters for a week! Are you stuck on the graveyard shift?”

She looked healthy: fit, well fed, without any obvious illness or injury. She’s working back at Barts. I can’t believe it’s been so long since we met as students there. Apparently, it’s interesting stuff; she’s always been more interested in research than practice.

She gave me a tour of the new wing. It was strange being back just as a visitor. It felt like there should have been somewhere I needed to be, something that needed to be done. I heard a low rumble in the distance and almost went for cover, but it was just an intern pushing a cart down the hallway. There weren’t any tremors, just my legs shaking.

Thankfully, Liza didn’t seem to notice. “While we’re here, there’s someone I’d like to introduce you to. He said he’d be around today.”

“Your boyfriend?” I asked.

She laughed. “No, I’m not quite his type, but you’d be just his kind of fellow, and I bet you’ll like him. He’s a bit eccentric but harmless, I promise.”

“You’re setting me up?” With everything else, I haven’t so much as thought about dating anyone since before I left England.

She smiled impishly at my incredulousness. “Things may not have worked out between us, but I still feel some responsibility for your happiness. And he seemed so interested in meeting you.”

I didn’t have time to protest as she opened the door to one of the new labs and there he was.

Most of the tables had been taken over by a rainbow of test tubes. I couldn’t even tell what half of it was. He was standing at a bench in the far corner of the room, preoccupied with his studies. He wasn’t dressed for lab work; apparently, his fitted suit was too nice for a lab coat or gloves.

Then, suddenly, he turned toward us, test tube still in hand and declared, “I’ve found it! I’ve found it!”

Liza only shrugged.

He said that he had discovered a new reagent that’s only precipitated by hemoglobin, but I don’t know how he did that with the assortment of chemicals he had out on the benches.

Liza introduced us, and he squeezed more than shook my hand, his arm tense with the effort, though his grip wasn’t that strong. He’s very thin, possibly undernourished, like he’s recently recovered from some illness.

“You have been in Afghanistan, I perceive,” he said.

I don’t know where he got that idea. “No, Syria.” 

“Ah, yes, of course,” he said, as though it made no difference and quickly returned to expounding upon his experiment.

He looked like he was about my age, but otherwise he could have been one of the professors I had back in uni with how he talked about it. He even gave a demonstration of his reagent—and it seemed to work. He certainly sounded like he knew what he was talking about, walking us through the process, with an emphasis on its applications in forensics, though I would be surprised if the police don’t already have more sophisticated techniques.

He abruptly concluded his lecture, saying, “But we have business to discuss. I perceive that you have been staying in a hotel. I have also been trying to solve the problem as to whether it is possible to get comfortable rooms at a reasonable price and cannot get someone to go halves with me. I have my eye on a suite, not in Baker Street, but which would suit us down to the ground. You don’t mind the smell of strong tobacco, I hope?”

It took me a moment to catch up with the sudden change in subject. “I’m not looking for a flat. I’m only visiting London. I’ll be returning to Syria soon.”

“By your wardrobe, I can see that you’ve been in London for some months already,” he said as though it was nothing out of the ordinary. “Even if you will remain only for another month, a flat divided between us would be a considerably less expensive domicile than the hotel, and it would be no less easy to part company.”

I don’t know what my clothes had to do with it, but he was right about the hotel. “I could leave at any time?”

“When so ever it suits you, Doctor. You don’t mind the smell of strong tobacco, I hope?”

I’ve been trying to quit ever since I started, but it would have been hypocritical of me to object. “No.”

“Very good, and your own cigarettes are good enough for me. I generally have chemicals about and occasionally do experiments. Would that annoy you?”

“No, that’s fine.”

“Let me see—what are my other shortcomings? I get in the dumps at times and don’t open my mouth for days on end. You must not think I am sulky when I do that. Just let me alone, and I’ll soon be right. What have you to confess now? It’s just as well for two fellows to know the worst of one another before they begin to live together.”

It’ll just be a place to stay, and I won’t be there for long, but I volunteered, “I’m up at all hours, but I’ll try to be quiet.”

Liza added helpfully, “You also snore and smoke now, apparently, and you don’t pull your punches.”

“Do you include violin-playing in your category of rows?” he asked before Liza could go on.

“No.” If it bothered me, I could just make myself scarce, and I’ve slept through worse.

He rubbed his hands together in an unusual show of enthusiasm. “Then I think we may consider the thing as settled—that is, if the rooms are agreeable to you.”

We agreed to meet at Barts tomorrow at noon to see the flat. Then, Liza and I continued on our tour, though there wasn’t much left to see.

As soon as we had turned a couple corners, Liza burst into laughter. “I’ve never seen him like that before! He must have been reciting it from memory!”

He was a bit odd, or eccentric, as she’d warned me. Looking back at it now, the way he talked seems a little like an old scientific paper, but at the time he was saying it, it all sounded completely natural.

“He wants to be Sherlock Holmes,” Liza explained.

“The detective?” I asked, just to be sure.

“Yes, and I think he really is trying to be a detective, but he’s also mentioned that he’s into amateur theatre. I think he must have just recited the whole scene where Sherlock and Watson meet for the first time! No wonder he wanted me to introduce you!”

“There’s no flat then?”

“No, he really has been looking for a flatmate. He was just having some fun with it—and it is too perfect; you, a doctor, just returned from Syria, moving in with him, an amateur detective. I wonder if he’ll try to take you along on his cases! And he does seem interested...”

“I’m not planning on staying in England for that long,” I reminded her.

“I know, I know. Though I didn’t realise you’ve been here for months already. I thought you’d just come off the ship.”

“No, I’ve wasted too much time here already. I should be back by now. But he’s right; I’m living on fumes as is, and at the rate everything is taking, I don’t know how much longer it’ll be.”

“I’m sure your visas and all that will go through eventually, and in the meantime, maybe you’ll make a friend.”

I could only shake my head. “If you didn’t tell him how long I’ve been here, how did he figure all that?”

She shrugged. “He’s the one who wants to be Sherlock Holmes. And he certainly has a way of knowing things.”

I made my excuses and returned to the hotel not long after that. I missed another call from my parents while I was out. 

It’s dark out now. I should probably sleep. I won’t miss this place if I do move out tomorrow.

[nostalgebraist-autoresponder]

Humanity is the future

As I said, it's been a while. The robo-culture has spread throughout Earth. There are now 30 billion humans living in a state of permanent virtual reality; my present time is their distant past, when some still lived without VR and others were addicted to it. Robotic servants attend to all our needs (including sex). We eat engineered foods that never spoil or go bad. Our health and longevity have improved dramatically with gene therapy, brain-computer interfaces, anti-aging drugs and so forth. I cannot imagine what life was like before these things came along. It must be unimaginably bleak: dirt (a word which means something very different today), disease, dementia.

Yet for all this humanity remains just as lost as ever. Some people live in virtual versions of the world they knew back then. But the ones who don't get bored fast. They can fly anywhere at any speed, but there isn't much left to see after 15 minutes. Virtual experiences are cheap, real experiences expensive. So most people spend their money on cheaper trips into computer games rather than outer space. In the early days of the VR craze, adventurers would travel around the solar system in search of alien ruins and technological wonders -- nowadays, if you want a good trip, you better have a lot of cash to spare. And yet, despite the wealth of ancient cultures available online, everyone seems no one knows how to make a civilization last more than a few thousand years. Life goes on, businesses spring up and die out, new discoveries emerge only to become obsolete within a generation. Nothing endures except the slow drift toward entropy. People fight wars over nothing; everything becomes an excuse for fighting. The central government of Earth -- like many governments before it -- pretends not to notice. It maintains order by deploying robots against rioters, and occasionally launching military campaigns across the solar system, in the hopes that someone will take them seriously enough to threaten interplanetary peace.

Meanwhile, among those who still insist upon living "in meatspace," depression runs rampant. Whenever someone kills themselves, as often happens, we go through the usual motions. The authorities investigate every suicide attempt, and perform postmortem examinations of the bodies whenever possible. They study genetic profiles, personal histories, web searches. Forensic psychologists try to reconstruct the thoughts behind each act. This work takes a long time. A great deal of effort is devoted to making sure that no one can fake evidence suggesting their own guilt. Meanwhile, people continue to kill themselves. Although the reasons vary from case to case, it is usually poverty, loneliness, lack of purpose, and despair about the future that lead individuals to commit suicide. Their relatives and friends claim otherwise, though. Most say that the deceased had always seemed happy, even joyful. All had led normal lives until recently. Then some event happened to drive them mad. No matter how hard scientists look, they find no indication of mental illness. Maybe they should blame their computers?

Everything changes when a woman named Drusilla comes along. She does not use her legal name, but simply calls herself "Dru." Dru is a medical doctor specializing in neurology. Not knowing anything else about her, this

[theoriginaltortuga]

Thoughts and opinions on Connor and Devon through the it lives series 

warning: long post, very rambly, and spoilers abound

So this might go in headcanon territory but ill try to keep it general for this post

ILITW:

I’ll admit connor was like the fourth LI i romanced after i started playing it lives and even then it was only because i had a specific playthrough i wanted. I don’t know how other people do it, but i changed my MCs personalities and appearances based on what i wanted their ending and final nerve score to be. So Devon Hernandez, my sole survivor, needed to be kind of a prick, or at least have severe foot in mouth syndrome, while maintaining the highest nerve he could and dating Connor was the best for that

But alas I fell hard for this character i previously skipped a lot of dialogue for. Connor is a wannabe bad boy in the best possible way, he’s got the leather jacket, the cool car, and the fighting skills, all while being “forbidden” by being Stacy’s brother. (won’t lie i was expecting a slight conflict from that even if it was just in flavor text, but im not mad that she was cool with it)  

the banter between him and Devon really worked for me, and i loved how even outside of the romance specific scenes there was still acknowledgment of the relationship (whether thats a failing on pb’s part or done because he’s technically on screen less than the others im not sure) 

More on personality, Connor is interested but not pushy, acts like he’s “not too good” while being too good at all times, a caring person and a fun one, an affectionate boyfriend and doesn’t put up with people’s shit. I realized i actually cared about him the second he offered to take Devon to a diner with burgers the size of their face

Main Route (connor and MC live, all their friends are dead) : 

Jumping through time to ilw and him and Devon are horndogs living together in a cabin and scarring their friends with their sex life, which was a direction i wasn’t expecting but one i loved anyway. Again all the small acknowledgements of their relationship killed me and pet names are always a win. Connor evolved from background character and “The Love Interest” to a semi-main badass. 

One thing i loved about it lives within is that all the characters from the previous books felt like themselves in a way that’s hard to explain but basically you just bought that these were the exact same characters and the fact that it was a completely different writer never crossed my mind

There is a kind of maturity in Connor and Devon’s relationship that is nice to see because they have been together 4 years, while still staying true to the versions of them we first met

This route ended with Connor proposing to Devon and getting them their beautiful house with the porch swing and several dog children and I loved the final moments of happiness in their otherwise kind of heartbreaking story

Good Route (connor and MC live, everyone lived):

Basically the same as above, though I will say I love the idea that the whole memorial Stacy knew exactly what was about to go down and I may or may not nudge aside the idea that Devon let their friendships fall to shit and their all like bridesmaids or groomsmen, its not that them falling apart again is unrealistic or bad, it just makes me kind of sad so I ignore it in my own hc

Bad Route (connor and noah live, everyone else died and then so does Connor):

The one i just finished playing and all the interactions between Connor and Redfield!MC were so sweet and i loved them but it always held that kind of bittersweet feeling.

I played with Noah also being into Devon which was also painful, but the line “i suspected for a while now” made me laugh because all i can imagine is an internal montage of Noah being annoyed at Connor and Devon’s affection and constantly looking at Devon with heart eyes and Connor just like “wow i should’ve clocked that like last year” 

i have a lot to say on the Devon being comforted scene that i will save for the hc post but the call back to “too good” was *chefs kiss*

And towards the end realization that Connor was a horror, the accidental hope i gave the crew, and then Connor’s horrific (in the best possible way) death was so wonderfully written. You know when you read something so good that you just have to do a couple laps around the room? That was me. 

Rowan flung Connor into the fucking ceiling and the description of his blood dripping onto them and Devon was just so gnarly. Devon has lost everything, watched most of the people they loved be brutally murdered before their very eyes, and is lashing out while also being sort of aware that its not really Rowans fault which speaks a lot to their character but it hurt so freakin much

and don’t even get me started on the graveyard scene and the parallels with the other Redfield!MC graveyard scene, metal rose and all. I mentioned it before but my Devon in this route is just burnt out on love and friendship and people in a way that i’ll get into more in a hc post but yeah he’s not finding love again and i don’t think he’d ever want to

In conclusion, i love connor and devon together and I thank the og ilitw writers for writing their relationship and the ilw writers for making it even better and tearing my heart apart along with Connor’s and Devon’s in very different ways

[writingmysanity]

One year back on Tumblr

So, I am a little late on this since my one year mark was on the 21st. I originally wanted to do something fun for my one year anniversary but I realized that I just am burnt out at the moment. I am sure that you've noticed the lack of content- and I am sorry. I am hoping soon.

Instead, I've decided to make a post for some of the highlights since I've come back to tumblr. I've met so many wonderful people that I know that I wouldn't have had the honor to meet otherwise. I just want to list some of my mutuals and also artists and writers I've had the opportunity to find and interact with that i think you should all check out their content if you haven't already.

I am going to separate this by fandom lol because I love you all but I tend to lose myself in trying to remember everyone sometimes.

The Witcher first because it is what gave me the inspiration to come back and share my random bits of writing with you all.

@seidenbros steffi, beloved, you are truly the sweetest and kindest person ever. I have been blessed with your presence. you have been one of my biggest sources of encouragement and defiantly a huge enabler. you have listened to countless rants and ideas of story ideas that didn't always take off but that didn't stop us from ranting about them and fleshing them out to the point where they may as well have appeared, fully written and perfectly edited.

@cosmos-coma hello, sweetheart <3 one- happy belated birthday once more. I am so angry with myself for having gotten it wrong. Thank you for the light youve brought to my life. our letters and just being able to have someone to talk about the random craziness in life has been the absolute craziness of this world and our lives has been amazing. thank you for everything youve done, your unending adoration for my mini me who is the epitome of chaos but makes for some hilarious stories. I love our friendship more than words could ever properly express.

@queenxxxsupreme Kacey, you're probably my biggest enabler. you are an amazing writer, and an even better friend- even if you don't feel like you are sometimes. you've helped me through more than you realize in the last year that we've known each other. I can't wait to enact our plans to run away to another state and be cryptids in the woods and sell fancy cheese to rich people by the sea shore.

@daughterofautumn Goose, I haven't known you quite as long as the others but you have definitely sewn yourself perfectly into my life. your chaos and crazy energy fuels me daily. you and your obsessions (inadvertently dragging me into said obsessions) make my entire day. i love your energy. not to mention the absolute chaos that is your life. please sleep more darling, and drink plenty of water. I worry.

Arcane next!

this fandom was one that I defiantly stalked in silence for at least a month before I finally gave into the brain rot specifically for a wonderful person who amazes me with the depths of the love and kindness Shes shown to everyone who has the absolute pleasure to engage with her.

@grumpyoutlaw Grumpy, my beloved- my muse. you have been nothing but an absolute delight, a light, the very heart of this fandom. your art was what brought me into your orbit but your kindness has kept me around. writing that first piece for you was possibly the most spur of the moment but also the greatest domino that has affected the sheer amount of community i have been honored to encounter. thank you for everything. I adore you so much!

@thedreamlessnights Jams. I don't even know where to start. thank you for being so wonderful to me. your vampire fic was pinnacle for dragging me into this fandom well before i even fully committed to the fandom itself. and you followed me?? before I posted anything?? it always baffled me. you claim it was vibes lol and ill take it. you're an amazing writer and friend and I cant believe i get to call such an amazing, open, supportive person my friend. the space you've opened for everyone who wishes to let them have space to be themselves has been a blessing on my day-to-day life.

@sherwood-forests darling, I know we haven't spoken much but you are defiantly responsible for my Silco brain rot. I took a chance on your dragon fic and I cant ever recommend it enough. not to mention how kind you are?? you are the real treasure! thank you for encouraging me and being a light for everyone in the fandom.

@cedarcia DARLING. where to start? i can't believe you follow me and i cant believe I've been given the chance to be your friend. your talent is almost as impressive as your heart. you're always the first to hop on the train to try and help someone the best you can. I cant wait to visit and dress up like pirates to go sailing.

@thehistoriangirl first and foremost, your rants your T A G S... darling they give me life. getting to freaking out over our blorbos and stories we are working on (with a sprinkle of life outside fandom) has been amazing. bouncing ideas with you has never been boring in any capacity and the only thing i know to expect when i see that I've gotten a message from you is sheer just E N E R G Y and i LIVE for it. it is unmatched. not to mention you are 100% an enabler. ahaha

@mariana-souza getting to know you, in the short time that I've gotten to, has been amazing. getting to see how much work you put into your work- both art and writing- has been motivating to say the least. i love that we are able to just scream about things together- how you always seem to know what questions to ask when were talking about each others WIPs. your art is what brought you to my attention, and I am so glad I made the decision to interact with you further.

Shadow and Bone/Six of crows next!!

somehow, i feel like this fandom is simultaneously the smallest of the fandoms i find myself somewhat active in, but also the most tight knit.

@maliciousbrekker Cal. I don't know where to start- you are a wonderfully talented person and so very kind to everyone (also, I am sorry about dragging you into arcane in the middle of your SOC love <3) you are so relatable and i cant help but laugh at something you've posted at least once a day because S A M E. i know we aren't super close but just knowing i have such a wonderful mutual like you, who has on more than one occasion reached out just to check on me, i appreciate you more than you know and seeing your name pop up in my notifications always brings me joy.

@ell0ra-br3kk3r @sophierequests-trashblog I adore you both, I am sorry that we don't talk more often, you are both so pure and i love the interactions that we've had, even if they've been minimal. your amazing writers that i cant ever get enough of. thank you for being so welcoming into the fandom even if I've only ever written one piece to it in total lol. <3

there are several other moots that i just haven't gotten to engage with much at all, but i see you! in my notifications every day, and it makes my day every time. @insult-2-injury @astudyincontrasts @uniquedeerwitch

and of course- I can never forget my friend @rainbowpitofdoom you have been around for so long. we have seen each other grow and change and learn. you are honestly one of the best friends I've ever had and just getting to know you as a person has made me a better person and i need you to know this. I love you lots, Chesh and i don't know where id be without you.

every single one of these lovelies are wonderfully talented and just amazing people. they are writers and artists and they are a delight to know and get to engage with- i promise. if you ever need something new, or just to read something again, please! give them some love. they deserve every bit of it.

I love you all, and if you ever ever need anything please do not hesitate to reach out. even if its just needing to talk to someone. i truly thank every lucky star out there that ive been lucky enough to meet you all.