#other than that it’s hell and wanting to kill myself
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
OH MY GOD OH MY GOD OH MY GOD
BEST. SURPRISE. EVER.
BTW
I LOVE YOU ASMI I LOVE YOU SO MUCH
SOOIGJLCFGOOOOO
R o b e r t d e n e i r o
R O B E R T D E N E I R O
i'm dying. i'm actually dying
Russel T. Davies
Russel T. Davies
ily asmi
i'm laughing bc this is incredibly obvious to ME but that is EXACTLY THE SAME RHYTHM so i am in fact delighted that you knew that
Yes this is true. Twelve is the lesbian and thirteen is idk pansexual or something idk. some sort of extremely niche microlabel i feel. not 'lesbian'
YOU WOULD THINK WOULDN'T YOU but no the master just really is that much of an ego-full person. he chose the name. like every time lord gets to choose their name and he called himself the master. & honestly there is also some sort of BDSM thing going on where the master REALLY LIKES the doctor using their name. and they're also both firmly in 'I Can Fix Him' territory about each other. fucking hell
MISSY MY FUCKING BELOVED ISTG I'M SO MAD THAT THE ONLY MASTER ARC THAT HAD HER BE LIKE FIXING HERSELF WAS WHILE SHE WAS A WOMAN AND THEY HAD THAT CLEAR DELINEATION THEY MADE BTW 'THE MASTER' AND 'MISSY' & I'M JUST. I LOVE HER. YOU FUCKING GOT ME. W H Y
the fucking bigeneration i was READY TO CRY & then they gave me the BEST GIFT OF ALL FUCKING TIME WHOVIANS EVERYWHERE CHEERED ISTFG
i also fucking sobbed but that's not the point the point is it fixed me
i love how little catherine knows about doctor who. every interview they do where david and catherine are together and something factual about the lore comes up david turns to catherine like "👀😇" i fucking love it
the QPR is the realest thing ever istFG it's so much stronger than stobin it really is and i'm biased towards stobin bc they're my FIRST PLANTONIC SHIP but omg they knocked it out of the park. the doctor 7 donna. forevermore. in the brains of people who have gone insane
THE FUCKING. KILLS HER. FUCK
HE KILLS HER
TO SAVE HER LIFE
BUT HE STILL KILLS HER
AND HE HAS TO CARRY THAT
FUCKING HELLLLLLLLLLL
this is what the 60th anniversary fixed in me btw. this pain. the cracks r still conveniently there & reopen when i put myself back in time within the canon
why would i do that you ask
obviously
i
must
????
pain
donna
</3.
^see. totally reasonable
the original show had shitty effects and so does the new one and everyone loves it. if u genuinely think the shitty effects of dw are something to overcome u r made aware that u r incorrect. we love our ridiculous procreate ass living bin and obviously plastic mickey. go watch avengers if u want GOOD cgi
this is profoundly accurate & also neutral which is smart bc having not watched the show u would ABSOLUTELY not be able to adequately defend your position to avoid having ppl come up to ubto ""explain" why ur wrong.
that said.
tentoo is the best ending rose tyler could have possibly had it tied in with themes in school reunion & impossible planet & family of blood & also fucking army of ghosts & doomsday & no one can ever change my mind. i fucking love it to fucking pieces u can pry the metacrisis from my cold dead hands
HE'S CALLED TENTOO BC HE'S ALSO TEN IT'S A FUCKING PUN IT'S THE BEST PUN EVER I LOVE IT
NuWho is one word & New Who is two words. Expeditiousness is the friend of all. this is the fandom that uses full-on numbers to refer to versions of a character lke the infamous "you can like 11 better than 10" post lmao u expect us to keep two words we could conpress into one??
THE TARDIS SHOULD ABSOLUTELY IMPLEMENT RIBBONS FOR SEATBELTS IF I EVER GET TO WRITE FOR THE SHOW THAT'S MY FIRST FUCKING SUGGESTION. I'M FUCKING LOVING THAT. also the tardis😍😍🩵💙🩵💙💙🩵💙🩵🩵
he does indeed. bridgerton episode
the ninth doctor is sometimes a butch lesbian and sometimes something unknowable & i think it was the unknowable version that was bobbing his head. he fucking rocks also ur absolutely right he has so little rizz. he can get it
truth. nothing more to say
very very queer. nothing more to say
david tennant and catherine tate had SO MUCH FUN during that episode istg i love them so much
the sexuest person is indeed a head. apparently he was supposed to be in a certain story arc & he'd have his head chopped off and that's why he's a head but they couldn't get him. so now we just simply have to assume that he got into a beheading predicament at some point
the Meep's pronoun is the definite article. easy mistake to make. the Meep is always "the Meep". friend shaped because evil subterfuge :,[
.....uh........ idk asmi idk lmao
WAIT OH MY GOD IT'S CASSANDRA YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT CASSANDRA I'M GOING TO EXPLODE THIS IS SO FUCKING FUNNYYYYYY
*strolls into tumblr and falls on my face pretending I haven't been missing for like a month I was out getting the milk hello maggots*
Doctor Who But I've Never Watched It 2.0
For those of you feeling deja vu YES I HAVE MADE POSTS ON DOCTOR WHO BEFORE OKAY but back then I was a young uneducated lad, just a fresh blossom unfucked by tumblr. Now I am surrounded by you lot and by god do y'all love Doctor Who. And I am Educated. My DW virginity is deflowered. All that.
SO HERE WE GO, EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SHOW I'VE NEVER WATCHED:
The show started in 1963, and then was rebooted in 2005 and the showrunner was... Robert de Neiro? Idk all I know is he gives Pedro Pascal vibes. Like his name. His name is Robert.
There have been 15 Doctors so far. One is a lesbian and it is not Jodie Whittaker, it is actually the 12th doctor.
There's someone called the Master. I don't know what that means, or if it's some kind of BDSM thing, but he has intense sexual tension with the Doctor.
He's also emo and has bleached hair and is kinda babygirl. And is called Missy.
The Doctors all have intense trauma and the 15th Doctor kind of girlbossed it by leaving David Tennant intact when they binary-fissioned.
Donna is a person played by Catherine... Tate? Not Hepburn. And she knows less about Doctor Who than I do. And Donna is in a QPR with the David Doctors (there are two of them).
David Doctor loves Donna very much. And then he kills her. But doesn't kill her. And then they have dinner together with her husband and kid.
The original show had shitty effects. The new show does too, and everyone is happy about this.
Rose is someone the David Doctor is in love with and then she ends up with a human AU of him and he leaves and the fans are very divided and passionate about this.
The human AU is called Tentoo because y'all hate using W's. What the fuck is Tentoo. What is Nuwho. Why isn't it New and Two. Help me.
THERE IS SOMETHING CALLED THE TARDIS, IT IS BIGGER ON THE INSIDE, I HAVE HAD WEIRD DREAMS WHERE IT WAS A FUCKING AUTO-RICKSHAW WITH RIBBONS FOR SEATBELTS, AND IT IS BLUE AND NOT YELLOW BUT IT WAS YELLOW IN MY DREAM. Because of a Drarry fanfic that I misread.
The 15th doctor dances homoerotically with someone during the French Revolution.
The 9th doctor kinda vibes with like his head jiggling idk I've only seen one gif of him.
The 13th doctor keeps forgetting she's in a woman's body.
It is all very gay.
David Tennant's arms are too long.
The sexiest person is a head.
The Meep's pronouns are Meep. Meep is not friend. IF NOT FRIEND THEN WHY FRIEND SHAPED??????
A buttcheek skin talks or something yeah this is all I got.
have at it y'all @robinprinceofchaos @multidimensional-trashcan @wispedvellichor @queermarzipan thanks for the second hand brainrot
*sneaks away under the cover of night* i was never here
#doctor who#asmi doctor who#!!!!!!!!!!#i'm so excited to get to read and respond to ANOTHER ASMI DOCTOR WHO POST#AAAAAAAAA#I LOVE YOU ASMI I LOVE THISSSS
443 notes
·
View notes
Note
THANK YOU OLI I don't get the season 8 hype. No Cas, Sam and Dean have the same conflict they've been having the entire show with no new angles like why????
YEAH LITERALLY. inital conflict is literally dean being angry at sam for trying to move on and heal which is just so intensely unlikeable and for some reason i was shocked by it and it made me genuinely dislike him. to me dean is at his most awful in s8..... like he's not. he's definitely not. gadreel possession in s9 and like most of s9/10 with the mark is much worse than anything he does in s8 and killing amy in s7 was sooo awful too. but dean is just so intensely a dick in s8 and i was so angry with him and not even in a fun way. like in s9/10 he is AWFUL but i enjoyed the drama. i didnt even enjoy the interpersonal drama in s8. which is when you know something is wrong
then again. im probably too harsh on it and am basing it off memories of sitting through the first half because i LOVE the trials and sacrifice and the great escapist so so much. and i love kevin <3 he's s8 right. but. to me s8 will always be the worst season. maybe i just hate what it brings to the shows canon. sam leaving dean for a girl and a dog (which is NOT EVEN WHAT HAPPENED... and if it WAS it wouldve been justified.... id support sam even if i thought he abandoned dean unprovoked idc.....) is constantly brought back like the worst of his sins even as late as like. s11. SHUT UP. first half of s8 is just upsetting for sam reasons and not in a fun way
#i was fully a dean hater for a while back in s8#i still love and support dean haters i just could never manage being one myself. god bless.#self recognition through the other (derogatory) but i would never pull his s8 shit at least#i just. HATE the whole. omg sam is in the wrong for trying to move on even though thats what he wanted dean to do while he was gone#and he thought its what dean would want because surely he would want sam to be happy (no he wanted sam to destroy his life looking for him)#and deans going to punish him for the evil crime of Wanting His Own Life and Getting Free and the narrative is also going to condemn him fo#this and its going to be treated like yet ANOTHER thing he needs to repent for. season four all over again except season four was really#fucking GOOD it was just emotionally devastating. s8 isnt even GOOD. the episodes were fucking boring half the time#tbf i also didnt like s6 very much because i hated the campbells being brought back so much i found it devastatingly boring#and apparently s6 and s8 are some of the most popular seasons. so. shrug#i preferred s10 a hell of a lot to both of them.. am i crazy..... s10 wasnt good but like. it was entertaining and i liked watching dean ge#worse and worse and it had rowena and claire and sure its thematically a mess but it was enjoyable to me. plus i liked the finale a lot#spn#s8#objectively i do actually think some of s8 is much better than anything else but emphasis on SOME#i find dean entirely uninteresting also when hes just Sooo sooooooooooo angry all the time unless its coming out in more interesting fucked#up possessiveness or hes actually killing people. so s8 dean was so boring#anyway. s8 haters of the world unite#asks#oliver talks
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
look in the media literacy mirror fuckwad, and no trolling here, i mean every word with unfathomable sincerity. the jedi literally other and vilify anybody who doesn’t agree with them, justifying their genocide with “they’re an evil abomination! they would’ve harmed ppl if we didn’t invade and kill them.” just like the catholics, AND buddhists, and any other organized religion.
pulling the nuh uh card and playing dumb to that just makes you look like a complete doofus thinking you did something when everybody’s wondering who even invited you.
the jedi are a systemically dominant cult, not a valid group of ppl, all of their ppl come from “dark & unnatural” families who’s they glorified tore them from & told them the way they are is bad & wrong “but its okay bc the jedi will fix them”. if they didn’t glorified kidnap kids under the pretense of their family’s consent they wouldn’t have any members. literally a high control religion that exists only to preserve their hive-minded status quos. not beating those allegations.
idc what any poindexter ass definition says, not a genocide. if the jedi didn’t steal & brainwash “dark & unholy” children & then throw them away when they don’t mold to their box, they wouldn’t have any members to kill. the jedi are not a valid group of ppl, they’re a romanticized cult. are the members who died victims of circumstance? absolutely. is it a genocide? fuck no. if anything, they slowly killed themselves every moment they stayed in the jedi & melted away their brain trying to force themselves into being something they’re not. not sorry.
and the sith are not based on nazis, they never were. that’s a lie, it was palpatine’s empire that was based on nazis, which is entirely separate from the sith & basically just palpatine’s excuse to jerk himself off like trump & use the term sith as a justifying shield for doing so. just like the jedi in their “galactic peace”. if anything, the jedi are more nazi like than the sith could ever be, they’re just sneakier about it & hide behind a halo.
sure there’ve always been fuckin’ weirdos in the sith, like ANY group of ppl but their core beliefs are about personal freedom and self-empowerment. not nazism. weird mfs/bad apples just take those concepts and use them as an excuse to be jackasses for every greater majority of sensible sith focused on survival. it is what it is, & all you can control is what you do.
sith concepts themselves are genuinely great. all i learned from the jedi is that my feelings & who i am as a person are bad and wrong & that i “need their saving”. sith taught me to finally love myself & stand up for my world & existence. the sith are bigger symbols of hope & freedom to me than the jedi ever claimed to be.
for the millionth time, the sith are not nazis. they never were and never will be. far from it. the very first sith were former jedi who broke away because they didn’t agree with their dogma, which the jedi didn’t like so they threw away the “filthy heretics” like moldy leftovers. if you really cared about fascism & oppression you’d see how much the jedi are like catholics & nazis themselves, even beyond their veneer of “peaceful monks”. idk if you know this but the jedi are known liars; they’ve had the systemic power to lie & do whatever they want for eons and in that respect, are even worse than the sith.
in other words, you’re the media illiterate one here. you’re the sad one here. you’re the one who doesn’t know what they’re talking about. not us. you. have a drink, hit your bong, whatever you gotta to cope with that & get over it.
nobody likes explaining to you weirdos why shit in fact stinks & having a different point of view from you doesn’t make us “fascists” or “genocidal” or whatever other word’s hot that day. you’re the weird church kid in school that tells all the non believers they’re gonna burn in hell for all eternity & then cries “persecution” when met with consequence. fuck off 🖕🏼
order 66 was NOT a genocide. you can only genocide people & cultures, you can’t genocide a systemically deified super-religion that wants everyone in existence to either agree with them & exist their way or burn in hell for eternity. any decent ppl who went down with the purge forfeit their lives down the drain along with their family, home & very sense of self. they. had. it. fucking. coming.
from an indigenous person, fuck y’all for even comparing order 66 to genocide & talking all over survivors of real genocides to save face for your evangelical faith & the people you think are good guys. you are not about to disrespect the continent-sized OCEANS of blood that make up our ancestors & loved ones who were lost to real genocide. fuck off.
#anti jedi#indigenous anti jedi#in defense of the sith#pro sith#pro not jedi#star wars the acolyte#star wars discourse#star wars critical#you fuck off#pro having a different point of view#pro interpreting differently#starwarsblr#star wars#star wars meta#star wars tag#renew the acolyte#the jedi did everything wrong and then covered it up#in offense of the jedi#full offense to the jedi#fuck the jedi
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
i did a thing
#crocheting#it was a really shitty day and i don't want to talk about it. i just need to yap#i will probably unknowingly say some borderline deranged traumatizing things further but idk its just the way i am#my existence itself is a major trigger warning so be aware#the only highlight of the day was the (i suppose) wlw couple i saw at the subway while pulling out shit like burdock out of my dress#i won't elaborate on the last piece can i be a little mysterious and less pathetic#so the wlw couple. one girl hugged the arm of the other girl and put the head on her shoulder. i saw that and was like “damn”#if you have a person you can willingly do things like that with you should know i would kill god just to be in your shoes#please cherish it#i didnt really look at them that much but then we got off on the same station and somehow they managed to overtook me#they were right ahead of me still all over each other and then it has striked me#that the girl hugging the arm of the other one was actually disabled and she needed help to walk properly#actually they were faster than me because my legs today are a total mess lol it hurts like hell just to make a step#but this is obviously just a temporary inconvenience and its nowhere near the problem that girl has#i don't compare myself to her in this regard but ive found this parallel kinda poetic#like how i as a relatively healthy individual with no major health issues was envious as fuck of those two#how i was walking in 0.25x with a shit ton of thoughts in my head while she was limping happily with a girl in her hand and smiling#no pity just envy and pure admiration. i want what they have#but im not sure if I deserve it. or actually need it#if i actually had something like that in my hands i don't know whether or not i would crush it into pieces#and then cry over it to the day i die. do you get it. am i too dramatic or too shallow as a person#originally i planned to talk about another thing entirely but this day has crushed my head and heart like a hammer#and now its turned to mush#no i guess it was a mush since long ago. then lets say this day was just crap. or life itself#nothing really happened to me but it reminded me of how helpless i am as a person vs the world and i hate being helpless#maybe ill tell you the story of how i lost the sensation in my fingertips another time when im not that traumatised by life events#(i lost it by saving a damsel in distress after walking out of the night bar a year ago. its a clickbait)
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
I'm trying to find ways to slowly ease my way into taking walks (debilitating social anxiety) so I was going to download pokemon go again but my phone is too old :(
#im actually very upset abt this lol#all of the other tricks ive found rely on having a dog to walk#and like i would love to get my own dog but i absolutely cannot afford one lmao#so i guess i just. still can't go on walks#nobody seems to understand just how impossible it is for me to walk down the street when im not trying to get somewhere#like just going for a walk for fun/to look at nature feels like im being killed#people are LOOKING at me and when someone even so much as glances at me while im walking i instantly feel like I'm doing something wrong#or like they're going to misunderstand my sort of odd behaviors#i can't walk slow because they'll think im a stalker. i can't walk fast because ill get out of breath and they'll think im disgusting#i can't keep a normal pace because im too nervous and i just spend the whole time tense and hate myself even more when i get home#like. what the hell am i supposed to do lol#getting a dog is the only way i think i could stop myself from spiraling like that bc of COURSE im walking slow and leisurely.#im walking my dog. my dog wants to smell and has to poop or whatever#im no longer a freaky fat stalker im just some guy walking my dog#this became more of a vent than i was expecting lmao but if anyone has any actual tangible tips for how to go on walks i would appreciate it#when i had to walk 2 miles to class i used to take a small part of an edible right before i got on the bus lmao and that worked WONDERS#but i don't want to have to do that just to walk around my own neighborhood when i eventually move out#i just want to be normal lmao i want to go out and find bugs and look at leaves#i guess i could walk in the woods but what if i get lost#i want to be able to look at stuff. i want to be able to stop and look at a plant while some person passes by me#without feeling like im going to blow up or like they're going to hit me or like IM going to hit THEM#im used to anxiety but i always feel so erratic in public places. when everyone wore masks i was a little better#i still mask most of the time but it doesn't help anymore bc now im like one of the only people that does it#so now instead of blending in AND having my face covered i just stand out more#my face is still covered so it still helps but its like barely a net positive lmao#i want to be able to look around without worrying that someone is looking at me from their window and thinks im a stalker#truly how the hell am i supposed to do that without a dog lol
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
OK WHAT DID WE LEARN TODAY KIDS!
DO NOT PUT EXFOLIATING SOAP OR ANY TYPE OF PRODUCT WITH LITTLE GRITTY BITS ON OR AROUND OPEN WOUNDS NO MATTER HOW MUCH OF A HURRY YOU ARE IN. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD LOOK FOR SOMETHING ELSE.
#CHEESUS CHRIST. WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT.#I CAN FEEL MY HEARTBEAT IN MY LEGS.#MY THIGHS FEEL LIKE THEY ARE SIMULTANEOUSLY COMPLETELY NUMB AND IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN.#AND IT WAS A HOT SHOWER NO LESS.#WHAT. HAVE I DONE.#sh implied#yknow yknow -_-#anyways totally unrelated my aunt told me in less simple and less polite terms that she does not want me in the house anymore#and its like huh. on one hand yes please id love to leave on the other hand ok guess i'll kill myself#bc despite the fact that i DO want to go its almost as if... no matter where i am... everyone gets sick of me... huh!!!#at my parents house it was because i started failing academically. here its because i'm failing at just doing what i'm supposed to.#hell at the crisis house they got tired of me in less than the TWO WEEKS that i was there!#but all of them also had one common denominator.#i was too sick for any of them to handle.#too childish. too attention-seeking. too sensitive. too selfish. too disorganized. too stupid. too self-destructive.#too. sick.#too sick to handle.#too sick to understand.#too sick to love.#ive even seen it happen with people i havent even lived with.#ive seen it happen too many times to be a coincidence.#there really is no way around it at this point.#i really am too much for anyone to look me in the face and sincerely say they love me.#and if they can they have no idea whats coming.
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
actually I’m gonna bitch here for a sec like WHY is being disabled so expensive like I have very good healthcare and thank fuck for rebates but !!! still!!!!
main bullshittery bugging me rn though is the absolutely unrelenting fatphobia (and so many layers of ableism) in anything to do with hashimotos
like it is FUCKING infuriating to have this constant rhetoric of “you have hashimotos?? here’s how to stop being so FAT and UGLY! (:” “here’s how to LOSE WEIGHT with hashimotos!!” “15 tips to drop 15 kilos!!!” “got hashimotos? comment HELP ME or dm to get access to my private HASHI WEIGHT LOSS group!!!” “best diets to lose weight with hashimotos!!”
even the ones that sneak this shit into otherwise decent resources you’ll have a good run of beneficial info punctuated by “oh you’re probably balding and ugly and fat but that’s okay!!! we EMBRACE body positivity here!! by bullying you into being skinny and fitting our beauty standards so you can finally love yourself!!!!” “link in bio for my best selling book HASHI HELL TO HEALED HEAVEN: HOW I SAVED MYSELF FROM BEING FAT AND BALDING AND UGLY AND TURNED INTO THE PERFECT THIN BEACHY BABE!” Violence violence violence murder maiming killing arson destruction FUCK
#it’s midnight thirty I’m tired I have a headache I’m gonna kill every single diet n beauty industry exec#I have mroe to say but I’m too low words now#like it’s fucking horrible and I’m on the OVERactive side of it all where I struggle gaining weight at all!! cannot even#begin to imagine just how unendingly torturous this all is for. yk. actual fat people#like it’s so hard to actually try and find any resources for myself bc all this is triggering the hell out of my dysmorphia and shit like#hence why I’m lookin at a potential specialist at 600$ per fuckin appointment even tho I’ve been told there’s not much even a specialist#could do in my case#the absolute BULLSHIT y’all are subjected to everywhere everyday. oh my god.#reblog if u want idc doubt it’s got much sense or relevnate to anyone other than me atm but#I need tobbed#fatphobia#medical neglect#hashimotos#disability#ask if u need this tagged idk what to put it under#vent#diet mention#ed tw#biting biting biting biting bitign#goodnoot
11 notes
·
View notes
Text
We've officially reached the 'too demotivated and drained to bother to go to class' part of the semester. Awesome
#if it wasn't for the strike I'd just go home on tuesday morning#because i don't want to miss too many korean sessions because we can't be absent more often than 4 times#but i don't plan on going to my monday and tuesday classes#and thursday is a holiday so that class is canceled and i am willing to miss wednesday's korean class if it means getting to#see my dog a day earlier#but alas i cannot#because no trains and shit#also my friend asked me if i wanted to join for drinks sometime this week(end) and i desperately need new friends#(i.e. i don't want to turn down invitations from people i don't hang out with often because i basically am getting#actively excluded from my other friends' activities (literally. if you don't want me around it's literally fine. just don't fucking act#like you do. i hate it here lmao)#no but that friend was like 'I'll always invite you' and damn i LOVE to hear it because the others apparently hate having me around#(again. fair enough. I'm not particularly outgoing or fun so i get it. i just don't want to make any effort there anymore so i kinda need#to make an effort with other people? because i really like her and all but i also don't feel like going out#and would much rather go home see my dogs- but if i turn down too many invitations she'll stop inviting me#which is only logical- idk i don't really want to have to have friends anymore#i just know life is better when i spend time with people sometimes and have someone to get through university hell with#anyway. i don't wanna go to class anymore and i really don't wanna do this degree anymore and i actually do not#want to go to korea but i have to because it's my only chance but it makes me want to kill myself but also not doing it would make me want#to kill myself so i don't really have anything going for me there#void screams
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
having a bad night tonight
#i don't really have any good reasons to live right now and everything is making me depressed#and knowing that i have to keep fighting to get ssi for multiple more years just to have somewhere i can exist and feel safe is making me#want to kill myself even more#I'm just so depressed and my in person friends have been ignoring me or activly stressing me out#and my online friends are too far away to provide comfort#and I'm in so much pain and my therapist isn't doing their fucking job and basically said i wasn't traumatized enough#and i don't feel safe enough to open up to anyone and i just want to cuddle someone warm and soft#and to be literally anyone other than myself#and living is hell and a curse and i really just want to kill myself#vent#and i feel so lonely and unloved
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
sudden vivid memory of being 14-15 years old and daring to wear knee-length boy’s shorts to a local summer festival in one of my first public acts of transgenderism and despite that being the most mundane thing on earth (especially considering I was still not allowed to cut my hair at that point so i by no means looked mistakably like a guy or anything) being verbally torn to shreds to the point of sobbing by my mother upon getting home because I was apparently making myself (and her by association) look bad and being a flagrant humiliation in front of my friends’ parents. i guess sometimes i forget how scarring and often terrifying simply Existing as a trans kid was lol
#cw transphobia#my mom’s said some of the worst things you can imagine to me re: my gender over the span of my life#but at least now I’m an adult with some autonomy and years of built-up resistance and im not as young and impressionable and whatever#i remember this sort of thing and how legit terrifying it was and just go hm. impressive i never killed myself but boy do i live with the#mental reprocussions of living through it#im just glad im on t now and i pass and I don’t hate looking at myself in the mirror or feel like I want to rip my body apart#god being a teenager was just fucking awful#my friend asked the other day what I’d do if I had to re-live my teens again and while she was like hell yeah I’d be so smart and I’d do#everything right this time around and etc. I just. still sat there like oh yeah no I’d kill myself#getting through those years as a trans kid + family issues + mental illness + etc was like being hauled over broken glass#and I would rather die than have all the effort and endurance go to waste just to do it again#anyway sorry this was random and sad#i need to get up and eat that’s probably why I’m. like this right now#kibumblabs
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
not to be dramatic but I literally feel like I’m going insane lol
#first of all I must acknowledge the percy of it all. I don’t know how many of you are reading those posts and honestly I’m not conveying#how I feel very well but I’m so deadly serious when I say I feel sick when I think about those books and not even in a bad way necessarily#just nauseous whatever. second most pressing issue is the whole “am I going to drop out transfer suck it up or kill myself”#okay I’m really not considering that last one I have to live to see dani in july but I haven’t the slightest clue what I’m gonna do next#year. on one hand I hope this school explodes on the other transferring sounds so unfun but back to the first hand I hate this city#and I hope it explodes to and I have nobody I know to live with off campus next year and tbh I would rather die than live w sarah suitemate#which brings us to sarah suitemate. how in the hell is my only friend in this god forsaken city like kind of subtly homophobic#In addition to kind of being a bad fucking person. like lol! yes ladies six months deep with no other friends and I Am that desperate#also it’s the very beginning of the quarter and I kind of hate all my classes. okay I know they just started and it’s very early to judge#but I already feel like I’m going crazy I preferred my other two quarters where I was eating literally 12 credits I was satisfied with that#I’m just scared and lonely can I say that outright is it embarrassing to admit that outright at 11am on tumblr#the only thing that gives me comfort genuinely is just repeating that “everything works out in the end” saying bc I really do believe that#even though I hope my closest friend within a reasonable radius of me drops dead and I’m directionless and I want to kill myself#whenever I think about the book I’m reading it will all be okay#anyways time to eat the pastry I got from the campus market is not a good time to tell you guys I didn’t eat breakfast or could you tell#carmen.txt
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
1850s Tumblr Dashboard Simulator
👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow
It really makes me sick to see people giving money to penny weeklies when Franklin's expedition STILL has not been found 😭 There are good men out there trapped in unimaginable temperatures and literally all that's needed is a little more funding for another rescue mission yet all you guys seem to care about are your vulgar little stories...
🧔🏻♂️ queerqueg Follow
the franklin expedition is dead as hell
👸🏻 girlbossladyjane Follow
Disgraceful thing to say but I'd expect nothing more from a M*lville fan
10,558 notes
👨🏻❤️💋👨🏻 hartgrindisreal
Sorry for posting so much about Tom Gradgrind/James Harthouse from Hard Times lately. It turns out that I was getting arsenic poisoning from my wallpaper? Anyway I took a seaside stroll and I'm normal now. Check your walls y'all
#whyyy did i assume they were committing unlawful actions together like where did i even get that from lol #hard times isn't even that good by dickens standards tbh
659 notes
🎨 asherbrowndurand
Just painted this
2 notes
ss-arctic-girlie-deactivated18540927
RIP Napoleon... you may have been unable to conquer Alexander's Russia but you sure as hell conquered Alexander's bed
🖼️ preraphaelitebro Follow
HERITAGE POST
📝 shakespearesforehead Follow
How does this have less than 100k notes you could literally not avoid this post back in the 20s lol
82,170 notes
🌄 loyalromantic Follow
poets just aren't dying young in mysterious water-related incidents like they used to :/
#as useless and degenerative as i find 'the living poets' and i'm glad we're finally moving on from them #i have to agree with op in this respect
6,884 notes
🎀 thefopdiaries Follow
I finally got a daguerreotype of myself ^_^ Porcelain urn for scaling
📜 bartlebi-thescrivener
i think i hauve consumption
112 notes
🐋 whaler4life
They found oil in the ground??? WTF. THIS IS LITERALLY THE WORSTTTT. FUCK MY LIFE FOR REAL THIS TIME
11 notes
🌿 naturesnaturalist Follow
I swear this website has 0 reading comprehension skills. Darwin NEVER claimed we "evolved" from apes like if one of you guys actually bothered to open his new book you'll see all his arguments are backed up by evidence. He actually makes a lot of sense
#sure there's nuance like i don't fully agree with all of it #but his general theory of natural selection seems pretty sound imo
56 notes
🤵🏻♂️ byronicherotournament Follow
🙈 butchbronte Follow
Of course these are the finalists lmao this website is so predictable. Anyway vote Heathcliff if you dont i'm going to assume you're a phrenologist
📖 sapphichelenburns Follow
It's not problematic to acknowledge the fact that Heathcliff was a brute like he literally killed dogs in case you forgot. #rochestersweep
🙈 butchbronte Follow
I love the implication here that Rochester never did anything cruel either. He literally locked his wife in the attic and lied to Jane about it 😭 like that was a pretty significant thing that happened
📖 sapphichelenburns Follow
And? God forbid women do anything
#why'd you have to pit two bad bitches against each other #anyway i'm not attracted to men but still went with rochester #bc in terms of living quarters thornfield hall > wuthering heights easily
8,027 notes
👨🏻❤️💋👨🏻 hartgrindisreal
Not the Russian tsar dying immediately after hartgrind became canon
#i know dickens hasn't technically confirmed it yet but like. SOMETHING was strongly implied ok #see: my previous post #dickensposting
522 notes
👨🏻❤️💋👨🏻 hartgrindisreal
LORD HELP ME. THE BODY LANGUAGE. THE WAY THEY'RE LOOKING AT EACH OTHER. AHHHHHH
#this installment!!! im-- #dickensposting #i can't fucking cope #dickens wants to KILL us he wants us DEAD....
2,309 notes
⭐️ newamerican
Hi guys sorry I haven't been posting lately it's been so difficult getting to California 💀 I'm finally here now though just need to find a pickaxe and soon I'll be digging! :-) wish me luck lol
#gold #gold rush #gold rush grind #california #adventure
0 notes
79K notes
·
View notes
Text
If I had more money than I'd ever spend in a lifetime, I'd spend my life operating a pizzeria at a loss. Something with the slogan of "it ain't italian but you're hungry" - and a statement of how this is not authentic italian pizza because the owner's estranged aunt's italian ex-husband would not serve pizza in his italian restaurant because as far as he was concerned, a pizza is the "just throw that shit together" dish that you make out of leftovers, and he would not serve that to paying customers even if they wanted it. True story btw.
But I'd just like to run a place where the staff is allowed to tell rude customers to fuck off. And if they're scared to do that, they can summon me downstairs to do it myself (this fantasy involves having my own apartment upstairs of the restaurant), because you don't fucking disrespect my staff like that. Develop a reputation as a place where You'd Better Act Yourself or you get nothing, which elevates the quality of the food in peoples' minds because it's human to assume that more work=more worth, and if a pizza place can afford to simply throw rude customers out, that clearly must mean that the food is just that good that going back is worth it anyway.
Hiring enough people to get the work done in a leisurely pace and occasionally have the time to chat with each other or customers. You just do the job I gave you in the time I gave you, don't steal anything and don't watch porn off your phone anywhere where the customers can see you, you're good. Don't care if you quit school at 16 if you can still mop floor. Don't care if you've been to prison because you killed some guy, as long as you're not doing that here. Don't care if you deal drugs on your free time as long as you don't bring your business to your day job. This place is exclusively for pizza business.
Have an item on the menu called "random pizza" - and if you order that one, they'll just throw in a mix of whatever ingredients we've got too much of, like if the bell peppers gotta be used before they go bad, every single random pizza is going to have them until they're either gone or need to get tossed. If you've got dietary restrictions or allergies, you gotta specify that while ordering, because other than that, random pizza is just whatever ingredients we need to get rid of. Surplus ingredients du jour.
Building a reputation as a place that's somehow simultaneously sketchy as hell but also remarkably high quality, getting five star restaurant customer service from a waiter with blue hair and stick-n-poke tattoos, there's a homeless guy at the back of the kitchen eating an order that nobody picked up, every surface is spotless and no matter how important of a suit-and-tie you are, if you won't behave yourself the owner will personally physically fight you.
19K notes
·
View notes
Text
will never understand the weak minded individuals who think they could not handle unendable immortality much less something like vampirism. i have adhd brother it would genuinely take me all the time on earth to learn and do all the things i want to and i would still feel like i needed more time to work on them. and also if aliens show up i need to be there for it. and i would like to never stop existing! existing is fundamentally better than not existing imo.
#i could play every video game AND still have time to do things that are like. constructive and make me feel productive.#and also i want to meet future people and don't want to die. it's why I haven't killed myself yet to be real#like idk man if I didn't believe that nonexistence is worse than existence filled with suffering i would still be actively suicidal#that idea is what drags me out of those feelings- idk how people manage to not feel suicidal if they don't believe that#other than ppl who believe in hell i guess. it makes sense to stay alive if u think killing yourself means eternal punishment
0 notes
Text
//
#yeah so I'm absolutely having a breakdown#which sucks because ive been doing alright for awhile#and it makes sense tbh#not to invalidate myself#so many things that are outside of my control have gone wrong recently#someone tried to steal my car again and I'm fixing it myself because I can't afford to bring it somewhere#and the job that would change my life keeps ghosting me#and I need to let my landlord know about renewing my lease yesterday (literally yesterday i was supposed to) but im waiting on this job#and money is tight#and my insurance is stalling on covering my migraine meds#to get a 3 day supply is >100$ through the lowest discount card#and to get a full month supply costs more than my rent at its cheapest#so I've been mostly in pain and lowkey confused as the drug works its way out of my system#and I'm on my period which destabilized because i had to come off my birth control for the first time in years (due to the migraines)#I watched a car flip the other night#and if that weren't enough I can't stop remembering the last time i saw a car flip and two people died on impact#and my dad was dragging bodies out of the car on fire#...we had been driving to the ER because I had tried to kill myself again#all I could think was that it should have been me#and I slept with a guy at work which was fine neither of us wanted it to be a thing#but now he's seeing this new girl that works with us and they're making my life hell about it#and I just don't have a single friend or anyone I feel is there for me#I never get to have that and I don't know why#literally no one gives a shit I could say I'm dying ij this room and it still wouldn't be as important as some guy so and so is pining after#I don't matter unless im useful#I feel like I'm screaming and no one can hear me#fuck this man we were doing so good there for a bit#Genuinely afraid im reaching a breaking point I'll never recover from
0 notes
Text
.
#Being in vet med is so damn bleak all the time because whenever you get hope there's always some drawback that basically nullifies it.#looking for a clinical pg with rank 183 in the country but whoops can't go to your own state#and other states universities will put you in a college in buttfuck nowhere rather than their best ones#like...I am so fucking tired. Every time I try to fight my depression something comes back and reinforces it harder.#it's things like this that make me want to leave the field and do something less heavy even if the hours are longer#whenever. WHENEVER I talk to a vet it's just bleak. Everything sucks everywhere. It's a matter of choosing your hell.#EVEN THE HAPPIER VETS#And there's no promise that if I try to go abroad I won't get crippling depression there too.#like. why do I try? why didn't I choose to go to NISER when I had the chance?#Why didn't I pick a job where I can just sit at a computer all day and not have to talk to anyone#how much do airport ground staff earn? maybe I could be a tug driver. Maybe I could have done some degree to become a flight mechanic.#why didn't I know when I finished school that my mental health is fragile as fuck and I need a job that doesn't make it this much worse#I'll run a photostat shop. I'll learn to fix laptops. Anything.#People raise families with that kind of income. Surely I can look after myself with it.#Why is everything bleak all over the world all the time in veterinary medicine? why is there no silver lining anywhere?#I'm sick of this. I'm sick of being decent at my job but not being able to handle the reality of how stressful it is.#I'll do any manual labour job day in and day out six and a half days a week for my whole life but this is just killing me#rant#I'm unrealistic and ungrateful and addicted to quick dopamine#but god I wish I wasn't suffering from depression of varying degrees since 2015.#vent#personal
0 notes