#other than that incident tho
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The Bifrost Incident: Any School-Child could tell you about it...
Facing the horrors <333
ID in Alt, titleless ver under the cut:
#im actually pretty proud of this :0c#my tones need work for sure but other than that!!#i should paint like this more its so fun i just have to. know how colours work </33#firealpaca crayon pen save me... save me firealpaca crayon pen#the original bg from this was gonna be the chatter from terminus ahsdjljksad thats why i was looking for a transccript#this probably looks better tho its for the best lmao#i love it sm <3333#my art#the-aurora-strikes-again#the mechanisms#the mechanisms fanart#the mechs#the bifrost incident#marius von raum#raphaella la cognizi#ivy alexandria#prison mechs#lyfrassir edda#inspector lyf
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I actually forgot the kaishin incident even happened. I immediately just yeeted that information off of the plane of reality it's just sooo BAD. In my mind, Kaito and Shinichi aren't related to one another still and Kaito's dad is 6 feet under the Earth's crust as he SHOULD BE.
#aria rants#also ngl i think the kaishin incident affected me more than i thought cuz it also just absolutely killed my hyperfixation on dcmk#i was planning on catching up on the episodes before that Whole Thing cuz its been piling up on me (100+ to catch up on)#and then The Incident happened and im like: oh mY GOD?!?!!!! in a tired exasperated surprised way cuz am like#dcmk cant get any more bad than it alrdy is with the brainless fun it has. theres no way anything worse than the#other cousin incident can happen. its been around 30 years now itll be fiiine. no. no it was not fine.#the latest movie doesnt exist to me. which is SOMETHING cuz i ADORE kaito. hes my son. i love all the episodes#and movies he appears in. hes the best there is so id normally be so excited for a movie centred around him#not the latest one tho wtv number or name it has ive zapped that outta my brain too. it doesnt exist to me at all. fuck gosho
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brother was talking to me about how if you almost die from an extreme-temperature-related incident then your body is just forever fucked towards that temperature and that's why i think kiryu and saejima are weak to ice. i dont know why aoki isn't like that too but ignore that statistic everything else tracks.
#snap chats#i already made this post highkey but im making it again cause i didnt know this was an actual real thing ☠️#my brother learned this when he started to work for target. because apparently that's a thing they tell you frame one#'snap how did this topic even come up' i am LITERALLY so glad you asked :) the cold has almost claimed me twice#am i exaggerating Maybe but its my fucked up body temperature now listen#when i was younger i got locked out of my house for like. three hours since i was a latchkey kid#and my dad wasn't supposed to come home with my siblings (from their after school events) for Three Hours#and it had snowed outside and Was Cold Yeah and i couldn't get in cause i forgot my key like a weiner#and yeah. was really cold :) my dad was real cross with me when he found me shivering in the shed LOL#he made me hot cocoa tho so its ok. second incident's just funny No I Talk About It Evvery Other Week#and im p sure i talked bout the first incident too but yeah that time after the con when i was at my sister's#like i cannot stress how cold it was because It Was Late November and the cold still existed#and my sister's heater just. Didnt Work but yeah. i wont go into detail cause i share this story every five seconds#POINT IS i've always had a hard time with the cold- like i'm cold nearly all the time even if the room is 90 degrees#i wont be COLD cold but i'll be colder than i like#anyways can't believe i'm weak to ice this is so sad. i love winter..#aoki isn't weak to ice cause uhhhh /aoki/ didnt almost die in the cold 🥴 masato did 🥴#imagine changing your identity so well that you just remove your past elemental weakness. fucked up.#alright bye
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thinking about the fact that i was so socially awkward as a teen that the school wanted to me out of class to attend "social skills classes" once a week (to which i attended one and demanded i be removed from the program cuz it was just me and about a dozen equally uncomfortable probably-autistic kids who also probably did not want to be there, being forced to do icebreaker activities by deeply condescending special education teachers)
how did i not receive an autism diagnosis til i was nearly an adult and specifically advocated for myself to be taken to a professional to get checked out for autism and adhd???
#eliot posts#i'm really curious whose call it was to put me in there#it wasn't my parents because my mother was Outraged that her kid got put in a special ed type class and signed the papers so i could leave#so like. what teacher made that call.#and what exactly sparked that#was it my general being a loner or was there An Incident#i don't remember exactly what grade i was in. probably 8th or 9th?#so still kind of stuck in my ''convinced myself i was just Better than my peers and that's why i didn't have many friends'' phase#following that was a phase where i got over myself but was kinda just shy#and then a phase where i went okay fuck it we ball and acted weird but in a way intended to be funny#that annoyed some people but some people enjoyed. by then i figured ''eh i aint seeing most of these ppl ever again after graduation''#i had some friends in high school bc of marching band but they were all in different grades than me#tho even then i was only close w like 2 of them and the rest all seemed closer to each other than to me#edit: dug through my blog and it was 7th grade (yeah ive been on here that long)#so this was before i even had my marching band friends. but probably after my singular friend from elementary school moved away?#i forget if he left in 6th or 7th grade#(im still friends with that friend. he's great we love him)
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Still holding out hope Gojo comes home
#HUGE JJK SPOILERS IN THE NOTES HERE READ AT UR OWN RISK#I think the notes are pretty damning tho#he wasn’t there when Megumi woke up. idk how much hope I have left in me gang#dawg him dying as a weapon then his body being used as a weapon AFTER he’s incredibly injured RUINED ME#he’s only been a weapon to the majority of jujitsu world#he DESERVES better#it’s unbelievable how he was marked by tragedy and hardship but still fought tooth and nail for others#and built a better world one student at a time#he left behind a generation of powerful sorcerers that will know him as Satoru Gojo#someone they knew and cared for and loved#his memory will live on but in the eyes of the general public he was just a powerful tool and that breaks me#he was more than his innate power he TRAINED and fought to be the Strongest#he was 29 when shibuya incident happened#TWENTY NINE. THATS JUST 8 YEARS OLDER THAN ME BRO HE HAD HIS WHOLE LIFE AHEAD OF HIM#using past tense bc I no longer have much hope#god I hope I eat my words and Yuta + him recover
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So we kinda know HOW these two became physically bonded. But how did the first official meeting go? Like with Zarian’s materialized form
Extremely Poorly
#two strangers forced to share a brain space + one wholly convinced the other is about to kill them + kinda reduced autonomy on both parts#unfortunately any more than that is pretty spoilery bc this incident kicks off basically everything in the comic LOL#but there are additional factors to the fusion that make it extremely unenjoyable for both of them#arthur especially honestly#that’s early on tho so won’t have to wait super long for that answer hopefully hah#sorry i can’t say more just. spoilers. i am being cautious abt certain things#ask#hypervein#steelheart redux
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real talk in the tags for a second because i have a crush on a girl and i. a hehe. ahehehe.
will be burying this in reblogs and never touching on it again
#so random disclaimer this girl is like a year older than me and in high school it’s like a nono for older and younger batch to like be#a thing so i know i generally have no chance but i like to live in my own insanity and the progression of my crush on her has been absolute#ly cuckoo bananas. so like it started out as ‘i wanna be your friend’ and progressed into ‘shit they’re really pretty’ to ‘wow ur so??’ to#‘fuck i like them’ and then it died down and then by all golly it came back but more of a hallway crush now which is bearable bc i’m#not really a part of their life?? like we know each other but we don’t wave and shit and we don’t like ever interact that much so i was lik#ok this is fine bc they literally never think of me so i’m just admiring from afar. and the FIRST inciting incident was i request them onig#and i expect to not get accepted because according to their friends they onyl accept close friends and i’m like k this is a bad idea probs#but the worst that could happen is i get left in their follow requests right?? RIGHT?? but then within like two hours of reqing. lord.#i got. ACCEPTED. and they requested back. and suddenly it’s +1 tangibility like ok?? maybe we’re not as strangers as i thought we were#i later discovered i was not that special for this but also?? cool?? anyways for a while it kind of laid dead and we never spoke at all eve#tho i was in their acc now (at this time they barely posted but whenever they did it was so?? funny like they would slap the randomest shit#on that acc) and it was still a hallway crush altho my friends r awful (/pos) people who would always make me pass their hallway and i#would run into them so often but at this point we only ever like exchanged glances and they would walk right past me like i wasnt even ther#but THEN the second incident happened which was basically we had to play instruments for this christmas event thing and bc they’re literall#y amazing they played for it and i was roped into it and. i was so gay the whole time. bc who wears a leather jacket to school and gets the#prettiest haircut ever right on the last day before a long break?? and the worst part is whenevr something confusing happened they would#turn to me and this one other person and we’d b laughing together. like we r friends. and they’re so fucking nice they were checking up on#us the whole time i was literally dying i kept dropping my pick and stealing looks AURURUGH and they’re so gen funny and interesting i just#and the first few days of holiday break i just couldn’t stop thinking abt them it was so bad? like that was the moment where i was genuinel#like is this more than a hallway crush… eventually it died back down until the next event we had to play together where they were being SO#SO much more comf w me? like exchanging knowing looks when smt funny happens and that stuff.. at this point i didnt even know what to like#think of my crush on them so i just let it be yk. atp they’re not even waving at me in the hallways at all still so maybe they’re just bein#nice! BUT NO. THAT IS UNTIL I AUDITIONED FOR A BAND (theyr in charge of accepting) AND THEY ACCEPTED ME WHICH COOL BUT LIKE A DAY LATER I#HEARD FROM OUR MUTUAL FRIEND THAT THEY SAID ‘yeaa im so happy i got (my name)’ AS IN IN THE BAND. LIKE. HELLO?? HI U THIUGHT ABT ME?? and#during the first band mtg where everyone’s all awk they kept making eye contact w me and asking if i was good and making sure i got to say#smt before anyone made a decision and it. murdered. me. i’m sorry maybe it’s the fanfic writer in me or this shit is literally nothing and#think they’re just nice to everyone but who cares bc it means they’re nice to ME too. and then last week happened. which was like the nail#in the coffin. INTERACTION ACTIVITY. I IMPULSIVELY ASK IF THEY WANNA B GROUPMATES AND THEY SAY YES. THEY ONLY TALK TO ME AND THEIR FRIENDS.#I ACT STUPID. THEY ALUGH AND TOUCH MY SHOULDER. I ASK ABT THEIR CAMERA AND THEY GO ON A LONG-ISH (cute) RANT ABT SMTH. THEY ASK WHY I HAVE#BIG ASS STACK OF POST ITS. WE TALK. THEY LAUGH AT MY JOKES. SUDDENLY. THEY SAY A FULL HELLO IN THE HALLS. THEY WAVE AT ME A DAY LATER. FUCK
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As you can see, this race is off to a good start
#nah bcs why did trulli and sutil fighting compell me#idk kinda obsessed with it#like the way jarno is shorter than adrian and keeps coming at him#and adrian keeps trying to placate him and apologize by grabbing his arm#i will gif it :D i like it and idk why#but my god the pitlane incident#its funny cause i actually do really like the pre-2010 fuel strat even tho it feels a bit dangerous#they def made is safer since Jos' accident#but then moments like these remind me of why it doesnt exist anymore#to clarify:#Kovalinen was trying to get out ahead of Kimi and thus accidentally ripped out the fuel hose#thus spraying a bunch of fuel at kimi's car and into the cockpit among other places#and kimis exhaust made the fuel momentarily burst into flames#and i find the fuel strat way more interesting than modern tire strar#but i saw that and im like ah yes perhaps a good thing that it doesnt exist anymore#bur bro that first lap was absolutely insane like just so much shit going on#incident btwn kovalainen and fisi that im still not sure about. and during that i think heikki hit Seb a bit#and then the crash btwn sutil and trulli was very crazy like the way sutil's car slid across the track#and not only it slide across the track but he also accidentally ended up taking out Nano as well 😭😭#and the the girls were fighting(compelling)#and then the fuel hose incident#OH WAIT YEAH and also kimi's wing got clipped by mark#so much going on. so i hope the rest of the race isnt too boring in comparison#catie.rambling.txt
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for verses w/o evan, i'm going off the belief that the first s/pringlock failure that caused williams body scars is what made his brain go snap btw
#out.#bc i go by the belief that he did love his kids and show them affection UNTIL the switch#bc like if he never once showed his kids love#there would be no reason for them to try so hard to get his affection#main wise for me his first spr/inglock incident was trying to get evan out of f/redbears mouth#so outside of that w other rpers who don't go w the third a/fton sib i just have to change that a bit for it#but usually i just follow others canons anyways when i write w them SO#but yeah he loved them once. then he became worse#he's always been a narcissus tho don't think that changed#his love for his kids is primarily as extensions of himself#and since michael shows knowledge of engineering and the animatronics across all games i'm psure#when michael was little william was teaching him abt it all#fully expecting michael to fully take after him#lizzie shows a much closer similarity to william than michael did which is why i think he prefers her#bc even as a kid he saw more of himself in her#and even when he thinks he's thinking abt his kids even subconciously its still all abt him#i accidentally posted this to my personal if you were wondering how my days been
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no aussie win. no briscoe win. no kingston win. huh.
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op of a post is in the same ""cringe"" fandom as me so i can openly be a fan of it in the tags without the fear of being singled out and mocked by them and then all their followers for it incident 13 resurrected 27 healed
#this happened twice today. w the post i j rbed which was being shared by swifters but feels like it cld blow up soon#to the point of everyone rbing it and if op wasnt also a swfite id b scared to even mention tswift let alone blast style lyrics#and also w the post abt characters from fandoms u sued to be in staying w u ik the op is an ex tss fan so i shant be mocked there either#(tho i also know they werent big on romantic prinxitey but like. theres a difference between that and getting anons telling me to off mysel#bc the op thought it would be funny to point me out as the cringe person for everyone to mock)#im not kidding this is a real like. fear of mine even if i want to i wont mention tswift in tags on a post out of fear of being singled out#and thats also the reason i j say roman if i mention him in the tags of a psot even though its confusing bc everyone into succsesion#part of me feels like im letting a fear of ppl judging me dictate my behavior and i need to stop caring if ppl think im cringe#but at the same time it is like. a genuine fear that if im singled out by op to be made fun of ill get legitimatly harrased#by their followers or if its in a rb by other people who see the post and laugh at it#idk !! im very weird about this and i think its the fault of. not an incident that happened last year but two specifc ppls behavior#that led to that incident and the attitudes they perpetuated. thats all ill say . other than its dumb that this still affects me#but it just does i guess !!!. i do wanna start not caring me though j also be cautious like ill wait unti the post is at 10k+ notes yk.#anyway !! how come i never shut up up huh im always talking in the tumblr post tags . and then like two ppl care. and i love them 4 it<3#flappy rambles
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Wondering if while we’re doing prewriting for Divine Wasteland that we should maybe work on that novel-length FAITH The Unholy Trinity canon-compliant full story rewrite/retelling that Vaughn planned out early last year. We would still have to do so much research on Catholicism but we have ppl we can ask lol. Then again also we started committing to the 2014 Draft Sacred Time Dramatic Reading which is a drawing project so idk abt juggling time especially with my actual job shit but idk. I’d like to get back into writing prose and LC’s kinda stuck in the mud at the moment.
#slippy.txt#writing posting#vaughn is an alter for those unawares we’re not like stealing someone else’s fanfic concept lmao#the fic is also part prequel#it starts on 9/21/1986 but goes over the full calendar year between the two martin house incidents#you guys dont understand Molly Ward like i do that’s my bbygirl#i love expanding on characters whose canon game presence is one(1) letter#also no ships in it other than john and molly before theyre divorced. john is canonically bisexual tho and has catholic guilt abt it ofc#also. lisa is a lesbian because i say so <3#literally holding myself back from just rambling all our characerization in the tags#were a lil high and the turbo autism is kicking in lmak
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Y'all would not believe how hard I think abt Gwenna (if you've been here for any stage of Gwennaposting you absolutely would believe it)
#jasper rambles#gwennaposting#gwenna#the witcher#i love her ok#obsessed w my silly little historian gal#I need to nail down what her actual Time of study is in history of the Continent#i think. relatively recent in terms of history#bc she specifically studies and discusses the history of kingdoms that have existed or currently exist on the continent and while she does#love studying the culture and people side of history. most of her texts are about leaders and political incidents#she i think discusses both nobility and ruling class politics as well as religion and how it affects politics and then puts these things#into common tongue papers that non-academics and everyday citizens can learn and understand from#she dabbles in other areas of study and engages with them excitedly but doesnt claim to be an expert outside of her area of skill#bc of the network and the coalition she and some Oxenfurt classmates have formed across the continent tho shes pretty good at finding an#expert on a subject outsixe of her area lf study when she needs one. so that helps i think#i think she goes back at least a few centuries in terms of era of study BUT the publications that get the most buzz are the ones about human#continental politics within the last 100 years or so. bc while thats not a long time for other races (or witchers) its a long time for#humans. esp humans who may not have access to their own history othwr than word of mouth before her publications#she also is able to get more first and secondhand accounts of human history bc she studies more recent history and the continent is full of#races and people w far longer lifespans than humans
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yeah going insane over Avalon Literature Girls again. Lately I've been thinking about how like. She's low-empathy + low-emotional intelligence like naturally. That's just how she is!! It's a really really important part of her character and is a big factor in why she acts the way she does and does the things that she does. and I think it's important to understand that as a computer, she's never really had to interact with any sentient being directly asides from Anthy and their relationship is more boss and worker so not much sympathy is gonna be expected there ^^; Like yeah I also get she has an unhealthy obsession with drama and this is also a driving factor in why she ends up killing (Or at least thinking that she did) the girls. When she got rid of everyone left in one go that was almost purely driven by 'I want drama to happen NOW!!' and we saw the emotional fallout of that after.
But I feel like her character is also so defined by her inability to be empathetic and that isn't like. a crime? Idk if this fanbase is like. big enough to have anyone really misinterpret that by now. I just have some vague memories of when everyone in the server absolutely hated her (And like yeah it's completely fair!! She's pretty bad!!) and it felt like they were judging her on her ability to be empathetic and nice when I don't think it's fair to judge her on that!! That's how she is and she's never had to learn to be sympathetic!! She's never interacted with sentient beings outside of Anthy!!! It's something she's shown to be working on in Feel Less!!
Also I think the fact that Avalon has this natural all consuming interest in the girls life and their world is really really important. She's never had any interest in her life before this. I don't think it's wrong to say she was scared about the whole thing ending. I don't think she was wrong for feeling that way either. Like heck, I know how it feels to desperately cling onto a interest especially in times of hardship and just, awfulness in general (8th - 10th grade how I do not miss you) so like. I can't even imagine what it must have felt like for her. She had nothing to fall back on. Her life is so overwhelmingly boring. This was the first thing to ever bring her any joy. I'm really happy Literature Girls handled this topic of things coming to an end and letting go as well as it did I have like an essay in drafts waiting to be finished because I've seen this trope gone so bad in like. popular media I was scared of it going down the same route ^^;
I don't want to expect people to give Avalon lenience because I know she's awful in context and did pretty fucked shit and no one likes her in canon. But idk man. She's my blorbo!! my scrunkle!! She's my motivational post-it note drawing for a reason! I love her! I think she's so fucking cool as a character! Gwahhhh
So uh in conclusion
Also I think Avalon is autistic, you can accept that I reckon. Handing me a computer with an intense specific interest who struggles with understanding how she's supposed to interact with the people around her and would rather be left alone to be an observer and expect me not to think she's autistic. She's going in the pile with Ako, Angie, and [REDACTED]. Yeah [REDACTED] too you hear me!! I need to go to bed
Also here's the motivational post-it note Avy. btw. if you care
#sorry this was supposed to be a small post and not a text wall 4 whole paragraphs talking about a webcomic character#I can't really say much about the server because I remember in general being a tiny bit annoyed with some interpretations#But I only really remember one big incident where someone told me I was like. a bad person for liking Avalon.#and other server members had to come in and say that they were taking me liking a fictional character way too seriously ^^;#bizarre incident. only person I ever argued with on that server. more than once#I wrote this instead of going to bed. like 2 hours ago#whoops#dsdshsdhsdsdhsdh#worth it for Avy I reckon#This post will either get 0 or 1 note depending on if the mutual is online I reckon#dsjsdhjdshdshsdh#AVY I LOVE YOU AVY!!!!#sorry. not really tho if I was really sorry I wouldn't post this#Android LitG Posting#one day I will get that other essay finished. eventually#Android.txt
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Fandom can do a little gatekeeping. As a treat.
So I finally decided to archive-lock my fics on AO3 last night. I’ve been considering it since the AI scrape last year, but the tipping point was this whole lore.fm debacle, coupled with some thoughts I’ve been thinking regarding Fandom These Days in general and Fandom As A Community in particular. So I wanna explain why I waited so long, why I locked my stuff up now, and why I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m a-okay with making it harder for people to see my stories.
Lurkers really are great, tho
I’m a chronic lurker, and have been since I started hanging out on the internet as a teen in the 00s. These days it’s just cuz I don’t feel a need to socialize very often, but back then it was because I was shy and knew I was socially awkward. Even if I made an account, I’d spend months lurking on message boards or forums or Livejournals, watching other people interact and getting a feel for that particular community’s culture and etiquette before I finally started interacting myself. And y’know, that approach saved me a lot of embarrassment. Over the course of my lurking on any site, there was always some other person who’d clearly joined up five minutes after learning the place existed, barged in without a care for their behavior, and committed so many social faux pas that all the other users were immediately annoyed with them at best. I learned a lot observing those incidents. Lurk More is Rule 33 of the internet for very good reason.
Lurking isn’t bad or weird or creepy. It’s perfectly normal. I love lurking. It’s hard for me to not lurk - socializing takes a lot of energy out of me, even via text. (Heck it took 12 hours for me to write this post, I wish I was kidding--) Occasionally I’ll manage longer bouts of interaction - a few weeks posting here, almost a year chatting in a discord there - but I’m always gonna end up going radio silent for months at some point. I used to feel bad about it, but I’ve long since made peace with the fact that it’s just the way my brain works. I’m a chronic lurker, and in the long term nothing is going to change that.
The thing with being a chronic lurker is that you have to accept that you are not actually seen as part of the community you are lurking in. That’s not to say that lurkers are unimportant - lurkers actually are important, and they make up a large proportion of any online community - but it’s simple cause and effect. You may think of it as “your community”, but if you’ve never said a word, how is the community supposed to know you exist? If I lurked on someone’s LJ, and then that person suddenly friendslocked their blog, I knew that I had two choices: Either accept that I would never be able to read their posts again, or reach out to them and ask if I could be added to their friends list with the full understanding that I was a rando they might not decide to trust. I usually went with the first option, because my invisibility as a lurker was more important to me than talking to strangers on the internet.
Lurking is like sitting on a park bench, quietly people-watching and eavesdropping on the conversations other people are having around you. You’re in the park, but you’re not actively participating in anything happening there. You can see and hear things that you become very interested in! But if you don’t introduce yourself and become part of the conversation, you won’t be able to keep listening to it when those people walk away. When fandom migrated away from Livejournal, people moved to new platforms alongside their friends, but lurkers were often left behind. No one knew they existed, so they weren’t told where everyone else was going. To be seen as part of a fandom community, you need to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known, etc. etc.
There’s nothing wrong with lurking. There can actually be benefits to lurking, both for the lurkers and the communities they lurk in. It’s just another way to be in a fandom. But if that is how you exist in fandom--and remember, I say this as someone who often does exist that way in fandom--you need to remember that you’re on the outside looking in, and the curtains can always close.
I’ve always been super sympathetic to lurkers, because I am one. I know there’s a lot of people like me who just don’t socialize often. I know there’s plenty of reasons why someone might not make an account on the internet - maybe they’re nervous, maybe they’re young and their parents don’t allow them to, maybe they’re in a bad situation where someone is monitoring their activity, maybe they can only access the internet from public computer terminals. Heck, I’ve never even logged into AO3 on my phone--if I’m away from my computer I just read what’s publicly available.
I know I have people lurking on my fics. I know my fics probably mean a lot to someone I don’t even know exists. I know this because there are plenty of fics I love whose writers don’t know I exist.
I love my commenters personally; I love my lurkers as an abstract concept. I know they’re there and I wish them well, and if they ever de-lurk I love them all the more.
So up until last year I never considered archive-locking my fic, because I get it. The AI scraping was upsetting, but I still hesitated because I was thinking of lurkers and guests and remembering what it felt like to be 15 and wondering if it’d be worth letting a stranger on the internet know I existed and asking to be added to their friends list just so I could reread a funny post they made once.
But the internet has changed a lot since the 00s, and fandom has changed with it. I’ve read some things and been doing some thinking about fandom-as-community over the last few years, and reading through the lore.fm drama made me decide that it’s time for me to set some boundaries.
I still love my lurkers, and I feel bad about leaving any guest commenters behind, especially if they’re in a situation where they can’t make an account for some reason. But from here on out, even my lurkers are going to have to do the bare minimum to read my fics--make an AO3 account.
Should we gatekeep fandom?
I’ve seen a few people ask this question, usually rhetorically, sometimes as a joke, always with a bit of seriousness. And I think…yeah, maybe we should. Except wait, no, not like that--
A decade ago, when people talked about fandom gatekeeping and why it was bad to do, it intersected with a lot of other things, mainly feminism and classism. The prevalent image of fandom gatekeeping was, like, a man learning that a woman likes Star Wars and haughtily demanding, “Oh, yeah? Well if you’re REALLY a fan, name ten EU novels” to belittle and dismiss her, expecting that a “real fan” would have the money and time to be familiar with the EU, and ignoring the fact that male movie-only fans were still considered fans. The thing being gatekept was the very definition of “being a fan” and people’s right to describe themselves as one.
That’s not what I mean when I say maybe fandom should gatekeep more. Anyone can call themselves a fan if they like something, that’s fine. But when it comes to the ability to enjoy the fanworks produced by the fandom community…that might be something worth gatekeeping.
See, back in the 00s, it was perfectly common for people to just…not go on the internet. Surfing the web was a thing, but it was just, like, a fun pastime. Not everyone did it. It wasn’t until the rise of social media that going online became a thing everyone and their grandmother did every day. Back then, going on the internet was just…a hobby.
So one of the first gates online fandom ever had was the simple fact that the entire world wasn’t here yet.
The entire world is here now. That gate has been demolished.
And it’s a lot easier to find us now. Even scattered across platforms, fandom is so centralized these days. It isn’t a network of dedicated webshrines and forums that you can only find via webrings anymore, it’s right there on all the big social media sites. AO3 didn’t set out to be the main fanfic website, but that’s definitely what it’s become. It’s easy for people to find us--and that includes people who don’t care about the community, and just want “content.”
Transformative fandom doesn’t like it when people see our fanworks as “content”. “Content” is a pretty broad term, but when fandom uses it we’re usually referring to creative works that are churned out by content creators to be consumed by an audience as quickly as possible as often as possible so that the content creator can generate revenue. This not-so-new normal has caused a massive shift in how people who are new to fandom view fanworks--instead of seeing fic or art as something a fellow fan made and shared with you, they see fanworks as products to be consumed.
Transformative fandom has, in general, always been a gift economy. We put time and effort into creating fanworks that we share with our fellow fans for free. We do this so we don’t get sued, but fandom as a whole actually gets a lot out of the gift economy. Offer your community a story, and in return you can get comments, build friendships, or inspire other people to write things that you might want to read. Readers are given the gift of free stories to read and enjoy, and while lurking is fine, they have the choice to engage with the writer and other readers by leaving comments or making reclists to help build the community.
And look, don’t get me wrong. People have never engaged with fanfic as much as fan writers wish they would. There has always been “no one comments anymore” wank. There have always been people who only comment to say “MORE!” or otherwise demand or guilt trip writers into posting the next chapter. But fandom has always agreed that those commenters are rude and annoying, and as those commenters navigate fandom they have the chance to learn proper community etiquette.
However, now it seems that a lot of the people who are consuming fanworks aren’t actually in the community.
I won’t say “they aren’t real fans” because that’s silly; there’s lots of ways to be a fan. But there seem to be a lot of fans now who have no interest in fandom as a community, or in adhering to community etiquette, or in respecting the gift economy. They consume our fics, but they don’t appreciate fan labor. They want our “content”, but they don’t respect our control over our creations.
And even worse--they see us as a resource. We share our work for free, as a gift, but all they see is an open-source content farm waiting to be tapped into. We shared it for free, so clearly they can do whatever they want with it. Why should we care if they feed our work into AI training datasets, or copy/paste our unfinished stories into ChatGPT to get an ending, or charge people for an unnecessary third-party AO3 app, or sell fanbindings on etsy for a profit without the author’s permission, or turn our stories into poor imitations of podfics to be posted on other platforms without giving us credit or asking our consent, while also using it to lure in people they can datascrape for their Forbes 30 Under 30 company?
And sure, people have been doing shady things with other people’s fanworks since forever. Art theft and reposting has always been a big problem. Fanfic is harder to flat-out repost, but I’ve heard of unauthorized fic translations getting posted without crediting the original author. Once in…I think the 2010s? I read a post by a woman who had gone to some sort of local bookselling event, only to find that the man selling “his” novel had actually self-published her fanfic. (Wish I could find that one again, I don’t even remember where I read it.)
But aside from that third example, the thing is…as awful as fanart/writing theft is, back in the day, the main thing a thief would gain from it was clout. Clout that should rightfully go to the creators who gifted their work in the first place, yeah, but still. Just clout. People will do a lot of hurtful things for clout, but fandom clout means nothing outside of fandom. Fandom clout is not enough to incentivize the sort of wide-scale pillaging we’re seeing from community outsiders today.
Money, on the other hand… Well, fandom’s just a giant, untapped content farm, isn’t it? Think of how much revenue all that content could generate.
Lurkers are a normal and even beneficial part of any online community. Maybe one day they’ll de-lurk and easily slide into place beside their fellow fans because they already know the etiquette. Maybe they’re active in another community, and they can spread information from the community they lurk in to the community they’re active in. At the very least, they silently observe, and even if they’re not active community members, they understand the community.
Fans who see fanworks as “content” don’t belong in the same category as lurkers. They’re tourists.
While reading through the initial Reddit thread on the lore.fm situation, I found this comment:
[ID: Reddit User Cabbitowo says: ... So in anime fandoms we have a word called tourist and essentially it means a fan of a few anime and doesn't care about anime tropes and actively criticizes them. This is kind of how fandoms on tiktok feel. They're touring fanfics and fanart and actively criticizes tropes that have been in the fandom since the 60s. They want to be in a fandom but they don't want to engage in fandom
OP totallymandy responds: Just entered back into Reddit after a long day to see this most recent reply. And as a fellow anime fan this making me laugh so much since it’s true! But it sorta hurts too when the reality sets in. Modern fandom is so entitled and bratty and you’d think it’s the minors only but that’s not even true, my age-mates and older seem to be like that. They want to eat their cake and complain all whilst bringing nothing to the potluck… :/ END ID]
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“Tourist” is an apt name for this sort of fan. They don’t want to be part of our community, and they don’t have to be in order to come into our spaces and consume our work. Even if they don’t steal our work themselves, they feel so entitled to it that they’re fine with ignoring our wishes and letting other people take it to make AI “podfics” for them to listen to (there are a lot of comments on lore.fm’s shutdown announcement video from people telling them to just ignore the writers and do it anyway). They’ll use AI to generate an ending to an unfinished fic because they don’t care about seeing “the ending this writer would have given to the story they were telling”, they just want “an ending”. For these tourist fans, the ends justify the means, and their end goal is content for them to consume, with no care for the community that created it for them in the first place.
I don’t think this is confined to a specific age group. This isn’t “13-year-olds on Wattpad” or “Zoomers on TikTok” or whatever pointless generation war we’re in now. This is coming from people who are new to fandom, whose main experience with creative works on the internet is this new content culture and who don’t understand fandom as a community. That description can be true of someone from any age group.
It’s so easy to find fandom these days. It is, in fact, too easy. Newcomers face no hurdles or challenges that would encourage them to lurk and observe a bit before engaging, and it’s easy for people who would otherwise move on and leave us alone to start making trouble. From tourist fans to content entrepreneurs to random people who just want to gawk, it’s so easy for people who don’t care about the fandom community to reap all of its fruits.
So when I say maybe fandom should start gatekeeping a bit, I’m referring to the fact that we barely even have a gate anymore. Everyone is on the internet now; the entire world can find us, and they don’t need to bother learning community etiquette when they do. Before, we were protected by the fact that fandom was considered weird and most people didn’t look at it twice. Now, fandom is pretty mainstream. People who never would’ve bothered with it before are now comfortable strolling in like they own the place. They have no regard for the fandom community, they don’t understand it, and they don’t want to. They want to treat it just like the rest of the content they consume online.
And then they’re surprised when those of us who understand fandom culture get upset. Fanworks have existed far longer than the algorithmic internet’s content. Fanworks existed long before the internet. We’ve lived like this for ages and we like it.
So if someone can’t be bothered to respect fandom as a community, I don’t see why I should give them easy access to my fics.
Think of it like a garden gate
When I interact with commenters on my fic, I have this sense of hospitality.
The comment section is my front porch. The fic is my garden. I created my garden because I really wanted to, and I’m proud of it, and I’m happy to share it with other people.
Lots of people enjoy looking at my garden. Many walk through without saying anything. Some stop to leave kudos. Some recommend my garden to their friends. And some people take the time to stop by my front porch and let me know what a beautiful garden it is and how much they’ve enjoyed it.
Any fic writer can tell you that getting comments is an incredible feeling. I always try to answer all my comments. I don’t always manage it, but my fics’ comment sections are the one place that I manage to consistently socialize in fandom. When I respond to a comment, it feels like I’m pouring out a glass of lemonade to share with this lovely commenter on my front porch, a thank you for their thank you. We take a moment to admire my garden together, and then I see them out. The next time they drop by, I recognize them and am happy to pour another glass of lemonade.
My garden has always been open and easy to access. No fences, no walls. You just have to know where to find it. Fandom in general was once protected by its own obscurity, an out-of-the-way town that showed up on maps but was usually ignored.
But now there’s a highway that makes it easy to get to, and we have all these out-of-towner tourists coming in to gawk and steal our lawn ornaments and wonder if they can use the place to make themselves some money.
I don’t care to have those types trampling over my garden and eating all my vegetables and digging up my flowers to repot and sell, so I’ve put up a wall. It has a gate that visitors can get through if they just take the time to open it.
Admittedly, it’s a small obstacle. But when I share my fics, I share them as a gift with my fellow fans, the ones who understand that fandom is a community, even if they’re lurkers. As for tourist fans and entrepreneurs who see fic as content, who have no qualms ignoring the writer’s wishes, who refuse to respect or understand the fandom community…well, they’re not the people I mean to share my fic with, so I have no issues locking them out. If they want access to my stories, they’ll have to do the bare minimum to become a community member and join the AO3 invite queue.
And y’know, I’ve said a lot about fandom and community here, and I just want to say, I hope it’s not intimidating. When I was younger, talk about The Fandom Community made me feel insecure, and I didn’t think I’d ever manage to be active enough in fandom spaces to be counted as A Member Of The Community. But you don’t have to be a social butterfly to participate in fandom. I’ll always and forever be a chronic lurker, I reblog more than I post, I rarely manage to comment on fic, and I go radio silent for months at a time--but I write and post fanfiction. That’s my contribution.
Do you write, draw, vid, gif, or otherwise create? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you leave comments? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you curate reclists? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you maintain a fandom blog or fuckyeah blog? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you provide a space for other fans to convene in? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you regularly send asks (off anon so people know who you are)? Congrats, you're a community member.
Do you have fandom friends who you interact with? Congrats, you're a community member.
There’s lots of ways to be a fan. Just make sure to respect and appreciate your fellow fans and the work they put in for you to enjoy and the gift economy fandom culture that keeps this community going.
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I have a singular shred of free time this morning but just wanted to let my mutuals know I'm alive just super stressed out with work and end of year meetings this week and whatnot. I'm gonna do my best to catch up on tags and reblogs this weekend but just thought y'all should know 🫶
#jen speaks#life update#i had to uhhhhh make a statement for hr bc of an incident™ monday ✌️😗#it has not been a good week at all#did get approved for my first credit card tho#nd celebrating six years with my boyf#so i got those going for me#but other than that i wanna curl up in a ball and die#also my ws whump isnt gonna happen lmao#refer to my past Jen speaks post#dont know what else im gonna do but idk#thinking about releasing a teaser for a series? if you can even call it that?#idk#we'll see
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