#originally i wanted it to be more obvious that the lives are peeling away from rowanstar as he goes deeper but i settled

[storm-of-silver]

Tell me, where do I go?

Tell me, where do I take us?

Your heart is starting to slow

May the water be safer

As I dive in

@bonefall Anytime you mentioned this death scene, I keep associating it with this song since the lyrics are LITERALLY this entire scene. "Bloodstains washing underneath the waves"??? "I can't hold on much longer, we're drifting down to the other side"?????? It was fucking PLAGUING me and I had to just get this out.

Anyways ur AU fucks and since this is ur favorite death scene hopefully I did it justice :)

[intimidating-fettuccine]

Hello, I hope you are doing well! Can I request Sully and or Helen (if you choose both, then separately please) where they see their partner dressed up (for an event, wedding, or whatever), and you know, taking their breath away. They just look too pretty not to touch and so heavy makeout ensues. If you’re comfortable, can you make it spicy? Also, if those characters don’t inspire you, feel free to choose any other male creeps! (I want to ask this same request with a few other creeps, but I’ll do that next time your request inbox opens!)

Y e s...... I love this. Absolutely feel free next time around to request this with more creeps, I love stuff like this!

I'd say I got quite inspired considering this request got about 500 words longer than I meant it to ^^' This did indeed get QUITE a bit spicy, more than I originally intended

Helen:

Helen is a man of self-control. Not much gets to him, and he prides himself on his ability to control his emotions and hide anything he wants to be hidden. Tonight, however, was the first night that he lost and was and was unable to keep his impulses in check. You were going to an event in the Underworld, something common for those of you living in the mansion, and Helen was very proud of you, wanting to see you off before you left, but what he was not expecting was for you to look so... delicious, yes, that was the word his brain decided on. You were dressed in a brand new outfit, one you'd kept hidden from him one that accentuated your body in ways he wasn't used to, ways that rendered him speechless and left him choking on air as he glanced at you from across the room. When you asked him how you looked, smiling and twirling so he could see the full outfit, it felt like Helen lost control of himself. His strides were quick, and his lips slamming passionately onto yours were even faster. You can't help the noise of shock that slips out of you, especially when his hands begin roaming your body, caressing and squeezing in all of the right places.

Of course, you tried to put up a fight, forcibly parting from him with heaving breaths, reminding him that you were supposed to be there in thirty minutes, trying your best to resist the excitement he had flowing through you, but he laughed, that deep laugh that always caused you to tremble before him, stating that it's good to be fashionably late sometimes. You couldn't argue with that, especially not when he began peeling off your clothing, when his lips began to travel down your body, and when he pushed you onto his bed, yanking off his own clothes in the process. The second his belt hit the floor you'd given up on any possible resistance, and you allowed him to drown you in the familiarity of his pleasure, Helen not even hesitating to slip himself inside you and remind you just what it is you do to him. You did indeed end up there fashionably late, warmth on your cheeks and hickeys decorating nearly all of your visible skin.

Helen had sent you off with that same laugh, and the promise of even more when you'd get home that evening. You couldn't wait for the event to be over, your legs and pelvis sore from his earlier treatment, and from the teasing texts he kept sending you, it was obvious he craved more as well, and he'd prove it to you when you got home that night, fucking any thoughts of anything else out of your mind. He shouldn't have let you go, and he'd reinforce that into you, making sure to rut into you rough enough to make your body too sore to go anywhere else the following day. All you needed to do was let go, let him remind you just who it is you belong to, who should be the only one to see you dressed up as beautifully as that. He'd been so impatiently waiting for you to get home, and he'd be sure to take all that frustration pleasurably out on your body.

Sully:

Sully is not as good at hiding his intentions from you. He prefers to be open and honest with you, as it's something the two of you have been working on improving, so when you told him you were going out that night to an event someone you knew was hosting and asked him to give you his opinion on a new outfit you'd bought recently, Sully was more than prepared to give you his honest opinion. He was not prepared, however, for how drop-dead gorgeous you looked, and he felt as though you'd be able to kill him with how attractive you looked. He barely heard you when you asked him what he thought of your look, clearing his throat in embarrassment, all of his blood flowing to his pelvis making him a bit dizzy when confronted with the effect you had on him.

Sully told you that you looked incredible, and you could tell what you were doing to him, however, you made the mistake of teasing him, tracing your hands up his abdomen, looping your arms around his neck, and pressing a kiss to his lips. Really, you shouldn't have done that, because the next thing you knew your back was slammed into the nearest wall, his arms holding you up as he began to grind into you. The noises slipping out of you as a result of his actions spurred him on even more, both of you struggling to breathe from the sudden excitement taking over both of you. "You're not going." His words cut through the room and you'd blinked at him in confusion, not sure if you'd heard him properly. He reaffirmed his words when you asked him, his hands gripping your ass as he carried you to the bed, throwing you onto it and climbing on top of you. You're not going tonight, he told you again, that you can apologize to your friend later, but with what you're doing to him, you're not going anywhere.

Both of your outfits were thrown across the room, and his hands made quick work of silencing any of your complaints as his fingers pressed inside of you, causing any fight to be replaced with a loud moan from you. After all, how could you think of arguing when he moved his fingers in and out of you in the way he knew would always make you fall apart beneath him? You were quick instead to wrap your arms around his neck and pull him back down for more kisses, your moans continuing as you hungrily claimed his lips. It would be a long night for you, not from being at an event, but from letting Sully eagerly ravish your body, and you wouldn't even remember the event again until you woke up sore and satisfied the following morning. You could hardly move to grab your phone and apologize, not before Sully wrapped his arms around you, locking himself into you as he went on to continue from last night's events. You could apologize later after the two of you went for another couple of rounds.

[kit-williams]

Cuckoo Anon More comedic than fluff but astartes learning/forming their own social media circles.

Some are obvious, Techmarines, Iron Hands, Iron Warriors, Imperial Fists. They all Build Stuff, Unbuild Stuff, Repair Stuff, Make Stuff that Should Not Function yet it does.

Like a completely wooden bolter that cooks meatballs you then Shoot to top your spaghetti.

Emperors Children, and to a lesser extent Blood Angels, have foot holds in make up and art videos.

Humans have to be careful when following the routines cause some of their face care involves chemical peels that can Literally take off your face.

But possibly more harrowing...is for humans who made the mistake of giving their Astartes a personal phone and teaching them about Memes.

Suddenly they see memes popping up about things they don't even half understand, but other space marines get a kick out of. "Fearsome Xenos cited in the city today!" And its a picture of a dog wearing an alien costume. Cute...till the next pic is your space wolf running away with the dog in his arms captioned "Fear Not! I have neutralized the Xenos threat!"

Then there's the passive aggressive ones like. "My face when my battle brothers overcharges his bolter for the Fifth Time." And "If you try to charge that tank again, I'm Not healing you!" From apothecary marines.

But almost nothing compares to "That feeling when your human has to 'Go to Work' and 'Provide a good living for us.' Rather than stay at the sparring arena and watch me deliver the wrath of Khorne!"

"I watch you everytime I have a day off you spoiled Spoiled Man!"

But there are also legitimately sweet things like marines asking eachother for advice.

"My humans vitals appear normal, but they have stayed in their bed for longer than usual. Should I be concerned?"

"They might just be more tired than usual, and beauty sleep is important after all."

"Have they eaten anything this morning? Not eating could be a sign of depression!! Make sure they drink water too!"

"Have you tried presenting them a freshly obtained  skull? Humans typically respond to that."

"Skulls are too easy. Present them something made from Skin. That will show your concern."

"By the throne do anything but those last two. Please."

"Spoil sport."

"Oh perhaps this will help!"

"...how will this short video help?"

"My human enjoys them and states they help them, Feel Better on bad days."

Well it was worth a shot. With incredible gentleness for such a huge being the Astarte treds into his human's sleeping quarters. They're still bundled in their blankets, but notice his approach.

"Oh, its you." Their voice sounds so much smaller than it should be. They shift to face him, but don't move otherwise.

"Mmhm," He places the food and water he'd also grabbed on their bedside.

"O-oh buddy! You didn't have to do this for me..." They reach for the water. "But I appreciate it." They say taking a drink.

"Mm." The Astarte nods, drinking water was good, But his human would also need calories. He gestured to the plate.

His human glanced the same, and he physically saw their posture deflate a bit. Was the food not to their liking?

"I'm sorry buddy...I'm just not feeling hungry right now." They say, their voice dwindling again.

Not eating, not speaking as normal, and a slumped posture; perhaps it was a Bad Day for his human.

But his battle brother from legions other had given him the cure for such things. He pulled out his messages, and the video in question.

"Hmm, what's up buddy?"

The space marine sat beside his human, and held the communication device to them.

A video played of a small kitten on a kitchen floor mewing loudly, a tender voice came from off screen. 'Do you want some breakfast? Can you say please.'

'FUCK!'

"PFFT! WHA-a COUGH COUGH!?" Well that got a reaction. His human was now sputtering water at the unexpected profanity edited over the original video.

The Astarte frantically patted his human on the back through their coughing fit but even then they still continued to laugh. 

"It just! And outta nowhere too. That was so Ough!t Ouff POUGkEt! Oh Lord I'm dying!"

Dying!?!? You weren't meant to die, you were supposed to be cured!?

Luckily his human caught onto his panic before he could vault through the wall to the nearest hospital.

"No! No! Figure of speech, it's Just a figure of speech. Not dying." They assured, now back in control of their voice.

The Astarte was still clearly a bit shaken. This wasn't territory he was used to traversing.

His human sighed, then took his hands in theirs. "I'm not dying any faster than normal..." They assured, rubbing over his knuckles tenderly. "And hopefully not for a loooong time."

Their was a pause, before the Astarte gently and silently enfolded his human into an embrace.

"...I'm sorry I made you worry, it's just a feeling sad kinda day...most people get them from time to time. Just a part of life." His human shrugs, his hold tightened just slightly. Their words were true, but he disliked having an adversary he couldn't punch.

"But hey, you wanna know something?"

The Astarte pulled back to look his human in the eye, curious of their words.

"Even my worst days are a lot better than they used to be, cause now all my days have You." With that, his human leaned forward once again, this time bringing their foreheads to touch.

The Astarte felt his heart warm in turn. He may not be able to Cure his human, but he would always be there. And if they could bring precious glimmers into even the worst moments of the other's existence, what more could be asked for?

"Well...I guess we better start the day."

(AAAAAAAAAH THIS WAS MEANT TO BE FUNNY WHY DID I END UP WRITING HURT COMFORT AHHHHHHHHHHH)

So like I've been staring at this one for awhile and it's like perfect as is.

Just really this is what would happen. But also they would have their own closed network (intranet) where they also probably post memes as well as questions about humans. Like "Why does my human want me to bathe so often" or "why does my human not like the skull alter in the living room?"

ALSO SORRY FOR FORGETTING TO TAG

@egrets-not-regrets @liar-anubiass-blog @barn-anon @bleedingichorhearts

[bentosandbox]

Lappy fancam animatic blogging/production notes

now that wolfgirlyaoi is out on global its rambling time about my powerpoint presentation

Concept

Originally I wanted to do an (Tex & Lapp) animatic with the boss theme (broken wall/Signore dei Lupi .mp3) ever since the event dropped but I thought 1) by the time I finished anything someone else would have probably already done it first (lol, lmao even) 2) I remembered the song exists and how much i looped it then while listening to the group's new album drop and thought the lyrics fit Lapp a little too well and also doesn't end abruptly like the boss theme + was shorter so yea

initial stickman storyboard where i put down the lyrics with event dialogue/happenings that i felt would fit nicely together > hastily scribble the images that form in my head

storyboards were basically what i wanted to see (same rule as my comics) lol especially if they weren't shown in the event CGs, eg. there's a CG of the truck crashing into the courtroom so I didn't do that but they didn't mention her physical acting in that scene + the song I used has a bow/salute at that exact part in their live choreo with the very similar line so I wanted to do a homage even though-

-I was like it's going to be such a pain to figure out an economical hand twirl and bow but I have to do this I need to transplant the image in my brain onto the screen because official media did not do a—

Honestly still don't know if its a common phrase and action combo because I was having so much trouble finding external references that wasn't just scrubbing the live video over and over anyway

part of the storyboards were 'recycled' from comic drafts I did (of the chocolate scene because ofc) when the event was running on CN

Originally I wanted to draw Lapp feeding Texas for The Girlyaoi Funny but I wanted to reference the plaque you get which is a Creation of Adam reference right but I also saw people saying it's referencing the scene from Silence of the Lambs lol so...peel the layers to your liking!!

(The chocolate flavour choice was from asking my Columbian friends what the worst chocolate flavour they ever tried which was white coconut)

my sorry attempt at colour keys > final spreadsheet to keep track of progress and paste all the dialogue i put in

Art Direction

A bunch of shots/colour schemes are references to Måneskin's stuff or other media tehepero I'll just put a few here

At first I was going to limit red/blue to tex/lapp respectively but since Omertosa is blue I just did away with that rule and lapp gets to have both (and more!) these two colours have pretty obvious emotional readings I think but also

red = self blue = society Siracusa or: red = yaoi & blue = yuri

for the others:

Purple = Alberto/Saluzzo, its not orange like the fruit he keeps holding because see below; I needed the colour for something else LOL Also the Saluzzos are iirc nobility or whatever and they have purple hints in their clothes so I think it was a good fit anyway

Yellow/Orange = Its supposed to be representing the last word in the story which apparently, yostar went with 'Savagery' which is Correct I guess but (laments again about how nuance is lost in localisation because imo savagery has a more derogatory kind of connotation while I think 蛮荒 in context of the story also has a 'nature/untouched by civilisation' side to it) which is why Texas setting the house on fire was not (entirely) red but orange (and it complements the blues both visually and thematically) and it's yellow at the end when they're frolicking(?) in the wilderness lol

(these colour rules don't apply to the penglog shot and technically a few frames like the shot with shocked penance, the one right after and 'im just lappy' because...i forgor my own rules lol)

The greens/teals were just a reference to the shades in the 3DPV I think

The silhouette/general style was inspired from the 3D teaser thing they had at the beginning of the 3.5 anniversary stream and the card suits that I..forgot to move to the other layers which is why only the green one had them (supposed to be 1 per set 💀)

The clash bit is basically the same as the event CG but with a flipped camera/POV sorry for world's worst screenshot lmao. Couldn't imagine the poses in my head so I ended up posing 3d models in CSP pretty good posing practice

These shots got rendered extra because..they were the first frames I started on and I was still figuring out how much to simplify lol

I also posed the chairs shot for some inexplicable reason…my file was lagging so bad

Headcanon part (kind of)

The childhood flashback scene is probably the part I took the most liberties (headcanon) on since it's not explicitly canon like the rest...the sequence/how I connected the scenes itself to fabricate a timeline of her childhood was kind of inspired by some weibo post musing about how (iirc) texas's sweet tooth maybe came from when she was being fostered at casa Saluzzo and Lapp treating her like a pet essentially and giving her a lot of treats since...you know what happened to her actual pet hehe except maybe texas offered her a stick first and then Lappy just reciprocated endlessly because its one of the few 'acts' she knew that wasn't violence haha yeah this section was basically a stealth doujin sorry

It's mentioned that she was brought up as the ideal Siracusan or whatever and she does the cute doodle in the 3DPV so I thought she probably had the Forced Music Lessons as a kid (The music sheets are Bella Ciao and of course)

The bow choreo was the one thing i really wanted to animate but the music sheet segment (based on that one split second shot above) ended up being my favourite part even though compositing the motion was a mini hell on it's own (ended up compiling a long png to scroll by with the red doodles layered over)

Other things

I will never live down my (self-imposed) shame of misspelling the title (I fixed the title on youtube but its why the ending shot in the upload says ZittE e Buoni instead of ZittI e Buoni) don't rush your fancam in 10 days 😔

I didn't look through the entirety of the EN loc but Idk why they had Lappy say 'Then go.' to Texas when it's supposed to be more like 'Let's go.' as in, 'let's go together' as opposed to 'alright off you go to the greyhall alone' lmfao also her saying goodbye forever padre when addio is right there

I don't think I'm insane enough to do another ppt soon but man this pair really makes the 'imagines a whole music video while listening to music' part of my brain go wheee like first it was Starset's Manifest then Signore de Lupi then this and while working on this one i was thinking how Måneskin's Torna A Casa would be another good track

ok ty for reading #GIRLYAOIREAL

[rviner]

Vanity Fair, August 2024

Your role in the upcoming "The Crow" is quite intense and emotionally charged. How did you prepare for playing Shelly Webster, and what was it like diving into such a dark, gothic narrative?

Shelly's story is one of love that transcends death, and I found a lot of comfort in that. I also spent time studying the original comics and film, immersing myself in that world. It's a dark narrative, but at its core, it's about love, and that's what I focused on. Death, love and loss are all very personal subjects, everyone is touched by them in some way at some point in their lives. I think that's what's great about gothic themes, they're actually intensely romantic and they explore the depth and range of these emotions we all face or go through.

You’ve played a wide range of characters, from a chess player in "The Queen’s Gambit" to a sous-chef in "The Bear." What draws you to such diverse roles, and how do you choose your projects?

I love roles that challenge me, both emotionally and intellectually. I love characters with depth, who face real-world issues or navigate complex emotional landscapes. My choices are often driven by the story itself, if it has a strong message or explores themes I'm passionate about. I want to walk in to a project feeling like I'm going to learn something.

"The Queen’s Gambit" was your breakthrough role. Looking back, how did that experience shape your career and influence the roles you've taken on since?

The show's success, I think, proved that people really want to experience stories with complex and also flawed characters. It's definitely influenced me to seek out roles that aren't afraid to dive deep into the human experience. It definitely gave me the confidence to be more intentional with the roles I work on, too.

In "The Underground Railroad," you portrayed a character with profound emotional depth. How do you approach roles that require you to channel such intense feelings, especially in historical contexts?

It's important for me to approach any role with respect and understanding. Especially when dealing with such important stories that are also historical. I spent a lot of time researching the era and the real stories of people who lived through it. For me, it's about honoring their experiences and making sure that I'm telling the story truthfully. I also rely on my intuition, acting is about feeling the emotions as honestly as possible.

Working on "The Bear" must have been quite a change of pace. What was it like transitioning from that high-stress kitchen environment to the gothic atmosphere of "The Crow"?

It was definitely a shift! "The Bear" was all about the chaos and pressure of the kitchen, which was intense but rewarding. Transitioning to "The Crow" meant slowing down and focusing more on the emotional and atmospheric aspects of the story. Both environments demand a lot of focus, but in very different ways. I enjoyed the contrast, it keeps things fresh and challenging. But peel away the obvious differences, and there's a lot of similar themes being explored in both stories. Especially when it comes to the emotional aspect.

Your chemistry with Felix Ranström in "The Crow" is crucial to the story. How did you and Felix work together to build that connection on screen?

We spent a lot of time discussing our characters' backstory and what drives them. It's important to understand the emotional stakes, and we both approached it with a lot of honesty. We're also very comfortable with each other, which helps in those intense scenes. It's all about trust. I think we were both apprehensive because working together when you also have a personal relationship comes with it's own challenges, but in the end I think it translates with a lot of authenticity.

In "Lovecraft Country," you dealt with both racial and supernatural themes. How do you navigate roles that intertwine such complex and heavy topics?

I think it's important that the supernatural elements don't overshadow the real world issues being addressed. A balance is key, ensuring that the supernatural is actually used to amplify the story. Because there's loads of great metaphors to be used between the two, as well. Sometimes, certain stories and messages can be easier to digest and learn from when there's something not realistic teaching you it.

Many of your roles involve characters facing significant personal struggles. How do you maintain a balance between your professional and personal life when dealing with such emotionally taxing roles?

It's all about finding time to recharge. I'm a big believer in self care, whether that's spending time in nature or meditating or seeing friends and family. Creating a space to recharge and relax is so important, in any line of work. We should all be able to connect to ourselves and make the time to do that.

You’ve worked on both television series and feature films. Do you have a preference for one over the other, or do you enjoy the unique challenges each medium presents?

I love them both for different reasons. Television allows you to develop a character over time, which is really fun to see and also feels as if you're growing with them. It can be incredibly satisfying. Films is a more concentrated burst of creative energy, you have a set amount of time to convey a story. It's just as satisfying, for me. It can feel more immersive because you really have to get all up in your character's business, quickly and intensely.

Finally, what are you most excited about in 2024, both professionally and personally? Any upcoming projects or plans that you’re particularly looking forward to?

Right now, I'm spending as much time with my family and friends as possible. I think I got caught up in the excitement and momentum of my professional life, getting really hyped for the next project. I'm just slowing down right now, but I can't promise it will be for long because I'm sure something really exciting is going to come along and I won't be able to help myself.

[your-highnessmarvel]

cotton candy | s.riley

CHAPTER TEN

Pairing: Simon Riley aka Ghost x Original female character

Warnings: language, blood, guns, and gun violence

Chapter Summary: Laura gets caught in an ambush, throwing her right at the mercy of her enemies. In the dark, alone, covered in blood, there might be no way she survives this one.

A/N: AYEEE! Okay not much smut or anything in here, but just some more story building. Next chapter is gonna be some HEAVY smut but I had to build to that so if you're one of those who don't care about the story, just skip to next chapter LOL

Masterlist

Taglist: Open

Find it on AO3 HERE.

I got back into the bar, finding it in me to ignore what had just happened. Every inch of my skin buzzed, my lips swollen and pained from his mouth, from the kisses he lay down my neck. I was desperately grasping at the memories that were vanishing like smoke - I wanted to remember that feeling. There was no way that my treacherous mind would rip those memories of Ghost - Simon - from me.

Soap and Ale were still inside, and when Soap's eyes found mine across the dark, foggy room, I was brutally reminded of the words Simon had spoken against my neck.

"I want you to cum, Laura."

"Soap would do a fine job, I'm sure."

And from across the room, Soap smiled, waved at me.

The sergeant living in my head chuckled, touching me and kissing me and whispering filthy nothings against my warm skin. I had to shake my head to get the image of Soap fucking me out of my mind.

This place was driving me to the brink of insanity.

"Ghost left?" Soap asked, meandering through the crowd like a bullet through glass to get to me. He stood a few inches away, like I was a fire hazard.

I rose my brows, puckered my lips. God, could I make it anymore obvious? "Uh, yeah, he was tired."

Soap stared at me, expressionless. He knew. "Yeah, right, okay, let's get absolutely hammered, yeah?"

The first two drinks went down like water, which helped because I sucked at pool and Soap was a horrible teacher and Ale kept laughing at me.

By the time Gaz walked in, fresh from a shower that I could smell a mile away (he came to impress), I was halfway through my sixth beer, and my skin buzzed.

He caught up to me in no time, flashing a dazzling smile, arm across my shoulder, screaming and swaying to the music playing so loud my chest hurt. With Soap beside me, yelling in whatever language, his skin grazing mine whenever he swayed against me. His knuckles against my biceps, his arm replacing Gaz's, his laugh in my ear. A haunting, a terrible, terrible haunting figure of him stayed imprinted like a scalding brand against my mind.

Because the rest of the night was just a blur.

And the second I woke up, I knew trouble was on the horizon.

I tumbled out of my bunk, still clad in the sweaty, dirty clothes of last night, watching Gaz and Soap run across the RV, splotches of harsh sunlight catching on their skin.

"What's happening?" I mumbled, headache pounding in my skull, still half drunk.

Gaz looked up as he was peeling an old pair of boxers from the floor. "Alvarez is moving cargo today," he said, throwing the dirty thing into the bathroom.

"Cargo?"

"Guns, explosives, ammo."

Soap latched a bulletproof vest onto his shoulders. "And drugs."

I sighed. "Cool, so what then?"

Gaz shrugged. "We catch a couple guys, waterboard them until they give us some kind of valuable information, eh, Soap?"

Soap winked, slapping on the flaps of his vest. "Yes, sir."

I raked my hands in my hair, through the tangled mess of black knots.

"Price will stay with you," Gaz said, slipping on his boots.

I frowned and crossed my arms, leaning against the doorframe of the bathroom. "Who?"

"Captain Price," Gaz answered. "He'll meet us here in twenty and bring you to comms. You'll be able to quickly identify Alvarez if he's there and also, we can make sure you're not wandering around here willy-nilly."

I opened my mouth, insulted. "Willy-nilly?"

"You do tend to do that a lot, princess," Soap interjected, slipping on gloves that just made his entire outfit look... sexy.

I rolled my eyes, locking myself in the bathroom. I listened to them finish up; lacing their shoes, throwing the worst jokes ever between them. While I brushed my hair and got ready for a shower, I heard them leave, and it gave me peace to know I was alone. Even if it was only for 20 minutes.

I showered and dressed in a green t-shirt that I got from the girls on base, so it was tight enough for me. I got back into my black trousers and laced on some kicks.

I was halfway into a Fruitloops bowl when the door to the RV swung open. Like on instinct, my body tensed, a wash of burning heat flashing down my spine.

But it wasn't Ghost. It was this Price fellow, shadowed in the doorframe with the morning sun burning at his back.

He was tall, his shoulders stretching out the long sleeve tee he was wearing, the color of charcoal. A thick moustache that connected to his beard, under cold and small blue eyes. His hat, a sort of fisherman's dream, made him look almost homely.

"Laura?"

I squinted. "No."

He squinted back, tilting his head to the side like a father scolding a child. "You're not stupid and neither am I," he said. Oh he definitely had kids. He gestured at me with one gloved hand. "Let's get going."

I huffed, dropping my bowl of cereal into the sink and walking out of the RV with Price. He was really tall, I realized, as I climbed down the two wiggling steps of the motorhome. Not as tall as Ghost, but close enough.

Price was galant, holding the door for me, offering his hand. I chose to ignore it, feeling fussy and jittery.

"They said you were somethin' else," he mumbled as he closed the door, letting it swing shut.

I looked back, watching him as the morning sun bathed him in light. "Who said what about me?" I asked, following him with quick steps, trying to keep up with his giant leaps.

The sun blinded me as we made our way through the maze of tents, but I still saw the corner of his lips move into a smirk.

"Is it Johnny?" I asked again. "Or Ale?"

He shook his head. "I bet you'd like to know."

We rounded the corner of the gym building, lounging the wall, the sun so hot and bright here.

"Of course," I answered. "I want to know which one's talking smack about me."

"No one's talking smack about you, Laura."

"It's gotta be Soap."

He turned to me, pining me under his beady blue eyes. But he was sort of smiling. "I like you," he said, and I couldn't help but make a silly grimace. "But stop acting like a baby."

I followed him in silence after that. We walked between the Emergency Room and the Women's Barracks, saved by the shade and the coolness made me sigh in relief.

"Why does everyone wear gloves around here?" I asked. He groaned. "I mean, it's like you guys are organizing some type of mass murder but you're being very careful about fingerprints."

"Shut up."

He opened a door for me that lead into a very somber hallway. The building was the biggest manmade structure on base, and the call of the AC had me scuttling inside to reach the fresh air.

Closing the door, Price let out a groan of relief as well. "Welcome to comms," he said, gesturing with his hand down the somber hall.

"This place is eerie."

The hall echoed our steps as we meandered down, opening a door to the sound of metal hinges and static. Price guided me into a room full of small monitors, like TVs in the 70s, glued to every inch of the four walls.

The room was rather small, which made the boy sitting at the desk seem so out of place.

"Laura," Price said, closing the door behind us. "Meet Private Michaels, our communications technician."

The boy, Michaels, turned in the wheely chair, a horrifying screech coming from the wheels. He had a mass of curly brown hair flopped over his head--so not army appropriate--and he had so many freckles on his face. It made him look no older than eighteen, with round cheeks and hope in his big doe eyes.

"Nice to meet you," I said, following the physical instruction Price was giving me to sit at the desk opposite Michaels.

Price sat in the chair next to me, holding a pair of headphones in his hand. "Put these on," he said.

I did as I was told.

"Here," he instructed, pointing to the monitors in front of me. The white and grey glow of the screens reflected off his face, casting awkward shadows on him, like black, moving smudges.

I turned to the screen, watching as Soap sat down. "Soap," I said, almost hopefully, a smile bursting on my face.

"He can't hear you," Price muttered absentmindedly, taking his hat off to put on his headphones. His hair was short and cropped, a soft brown. "These are bodycams," he explained. "You're viewing Ghost's now. And with these buttons here, you can switch between them."

I looked at his fingers as he played with the keyboard's function button. I did the same on mine, and the view changed, showing Gaz chewing on gum, settled in next to someone's broad shoulder.

"All strapped in boys?" he said, and hearing him through the headphones made me laugh. I felt like I was spying on them. I heard mumbles across the comms, and then I heard an engine starting.

"Michaels," Price said. "Convoy is on the move."

"Convoy 783 Alpha Romeo Alpha Echo is moving towards primary target," Michael repeated, and when I turned, he was holding a mic to his mouth. He quickly panned back to the screen, and I could see an aerial view of the truck in question.

"You can see the drone footage like this," Price said, getting my attention back to my own screens.

He pressed a few buttons on my keyboard, and the screen to my left switched to the drone view.

I followed the little green truck with my eyes, trying to imagine what the guys looked like in there, huddled up. I tried to imagine what they were thinking, if they thought this entire mission was so stupid; since they had to babysit some girl who got caught in the crossfire and chase after a drug lord that should've been easy to catch.

I felt so dumb, so worthless and stupid as I watched the bodycams; seeing Gaz check his weapons, Ghost and his skull mask leaning against the wall of the truck with an empty look in his eyes. Soap with his rifle barrel down, hand on the butt end of it. Ale smoking a cigarette.

These men who had better things to do had become sort of... my friends.

I felt my heart beat a little faster, and the closer they got to the target location, the more I felt blood rush in my ears.

"Convoy has arrived at drop off," Michaels narrated.

"If you see anyone familiar, Laura," Price told me, leaning close to me so I was forced to pay attention. "Tell me."

I nodded, feeling my palms start to sweat. "Yes."

"Squad is 900 yards from target location."

"Switch to Soap or Ghost," Price instructed, and I flipped my view to Ghost, watching the sway of his gun, one of his gloved hands gripping the barrel. "Put Soap on your second monitor."

I did, seeing the ground move beneath his rapid steps, watching them approach a building with a splotch of shade beside it like dark ink.

"500 yards."

I felt a lump rise in my throat.

"Target location acquired. Lieutenant, move your squad into position."

From Ghost's camera, I saw them crowd the building; Soap moving in front of Ghost, towards the entrance. On the other side of the door, Gaz and Ale, nodding to each other in a language unknown to me.

"Moving int-"

And then the entire world went dark.

The monitors closed with a doomed dying sound, a cloak of darkness snapping into the room. No lights. No sounds. Just the echo of my heartbeat and nothing else.

Until Price. "Michaels, what happened."

No response.

"Michaels!"

"Sir, I'm not entirely sure!" the boy answered frantically. I heard the wheels of his chair screech in response.

"Get us back on!"

"Nothing's working sir!"

I heard Price get out of his chair, and he moved, but I couldn't see. Even my hand a few inches from my nose. I was blind.

"Where's the -"

"Sir, I'm trying the breaker box, everything is fried."

"Fried?"

I felt something like a stone drop in my belly, a looming doom rising in my chest like a monster.

Something was terribly wrong.

"Yes, sir, fried."

"How?" Price asked, and his voice, quiet and small, made it seem like he knew the answer to his own question. And then, "How?" and that was an entirely other question.

"I don't know how they got the technology, but I'm assuming-"

"Do you have a weapon?" Price interrupted.

"My side arm, sir."

I felt hands at my shoulders. How could he see in the dark?

"Stay with Laura." He instructed. "Laura, stay here. I'm going to go find a weapon."

"What..." but I trailed off when i heard the door, and my eyes had adjusted just enough to see a darker shadow pass in front of me and leave.

The sound of the shutting door was like an omen.

"Michaels," I whispered.

"It's okay, miss."

My hands turned into fists. "What's happening."

There was a long, strange silence, where I could practically feel the wheels turning in his head, as if he wasn't sure if he should tell me or not.

"There's been..." he trailed off, his voice strained. Then, "There's been an EMP."

I frowned, turning in my chair even though only i was only met with darkness. "A what?"

Again, a short silence. "It's an electromagnetic pulse," he clarified. "It fried our system and I don't know why we can't get it back on. They must be running interference."

I raised my brows. "They can do that?" I fired back. "They can do that to the US Navy?" I was more impressed than anything else.

"I guess."

"But why?" I asked.

Another silence. "For you, I'm thinking."

"Me?"

"You don't seem to realize that you're the only person outside of Alvarez's crew that has seen his face."

"I'm beginning to wonder if that's even true," I said. "He said he was Alvarez. He had the tattoo and all. What if it was a decoy?"

"No one else is allowed to have that tattoo," Michaels explained, seemingly an expert on this. "He kills anyone who even thinks of doing it. He's a kingpin. So yeah, maybe you're right, but I think they wouldn't spend that much money and energy on a whole EMP if you hadn't seen the real Alvarez's face."

In the distance, I heard a door opening and closing. I swallowed my fear, hoping Price was coming with good news.

"You're right," I told Michaels. "But still, I keep hoping this is all a hoax."

Michaels laughed, but it soon died on his lips when the door swung open and a flash, a bang of white hot, orange light burst into the room, illuminating the space in a flash, a moment.

It hung there before me like a tableau. On one side, Michaels on his feet, aiming his gun, a flash erupting from the barrel. On the other, someone else, definitely not Price, wearing black gear and a full face helmet.

I felt hung above this tiny room, watching this scene from a distance, hearing the sounds of gunshots, hearing bodies hitting the floor like marbles in water.

"Michaels!"

I stumbled in the dark, landing on my knees, something wet and so warm seeping through my trousers. On the other side, the sound of choking.

"Michaels!"

I felt around with my hands, wetting them in something thick like yogurt but warm like tea. I found his body with my hands, shaking it.

"Take... this," he stuttered, his voice wet and wretched, scratched and weak. He pressed something into my wet hands, something cold and metallic. The gun.

"No," I mumbled, and i felt the tears tracing down my face, the fear rising up in me when I finally realized what had just happened.

My ears buzzed.

I felt a cold fist reach into my chest and squeeze the air out of my lungs.

I was alone, in the dark, and someone had come in to try to kill me.

Was he dead?

I stood in the dark, with Michaels' gun in my trembling hands. My knees were weak, making it hard to cross the room, stepping on this stranger's dead body.

Disgust built in my throat, lumping in my mouth. I squeezed my eyes, allowing tears to slide off my lashes.

I pressed my hand against the door and pulled it open, moving this man's body with my feet.

I whimpered, disgusted with myself, with the fact that I had blood everywhere on me.

The door was open, but it was still so impossibly dark.

I had to get outside, where I had light, where I could see the sun.

Where was Price?

I pressed one bloody hand on the wall, the other holding the gun before me, shaking, trembling from head to toe. I kept a steady pace, trying to calm my breathing, my racing heart, my tears building along my lash line.

I heard a crash, a shot, footsteps on the other side of the building. I fell into a crouch, holding onto the gun with wet, rigid fingers. I blindly swung it around, finger so close to pulling the trigger.

I had to find light.

I almost screamed when I heard footsteps around the building outside, shouts in a language I couldn't understand.

I stood on shaking knees, the tremble moving into my legs as I took tiny steps towards the door--or what I thought was the door. But as I crept along the wall, my ears fine-tuned to any noise around me, it was clear that the building was surrounded.

It felt like hours went by. It felt like days in there, in the dark. There were shots echoing outside, ricocheting off the building. I could hear the cement tumbling to the ground.

I sat there, back to the wall, in utter silence and darkness, praying no one would come looking for either of the dead bodies in the other room.

But I wouldn't stay in here much longer. I had to get out. Find light. Find Price or Laswell or anybody else.

I stood and made it quietly to the front door, hand on the push bar, heaving in breath after breath. I pushed, holding the gun before my face. A sliver of light appeared, blinding me for a second as I came out.

I heard feet shuffling in the dirt, but the sun was so bright, my eyes hadn't yet adjusted. So I turned, saw a blurry, dark figure.

As soon as my eyes registered a gun pointed right at my head, my brain went into survival mode and I pulled the trigger.

The force of the gun made me tumble back, arm raised to shield from the sun, the potential bullet coming my way. But I just heard a shout of pain.

I raised my head, eyes still squinted. I'd shot the man, dressed in blacks, helmet over his face, bulletproof vest over his chest. I'd shot him right in the forearm, causing his gun to fall to the dirt ground.

"Oh, shit," I mumbled.

He looked up, pressing one hand against the bloody hole in his arm. He said something to me, but I didn't understand. And suddenly, he was charging at me, a few long leaps and he crashed into me, sending us both tumbling to the ground in a cloud of sandy smoke.

My head hit the ground with a sickening thud and I lost the gun, my hands coming up to shield my face. He kept screaming at me, his heavy body pressed flat against mine.

I screamed, pushing at his shoulders, but he meandered his hands around my neck and cut the air from my lungs. My eyes flew wide, watching my reflection in his mask; a wild girl with messy black hair and eyes filled with nothing but terror.

He was straddling me and there was no way I was strong enough to buck him off. But I tried anyway, planting my feet against the ground but with no air in my lungs, my face burning, lips swelling, my feet just resorted to scrambling against the dirt.

My vision was closing.

I tried to scream, but my mouth stayed open and I watched my reflection quietly go dark.

This was finally the end for me.

My eyes went dark and my hearing turned to a sharp ringing. He fell over me, relieved almost, so heavy like deadweight. I thought he was spitting on me, something wet slapping on my face, warm and gooey.

But then his fingers relaxed around my neck and I took a strong, loud gasp of air. I stared at the clear blue skies, watching my assailant's form like a huddled black mass laid right over me.

Did I die?

And then Ghost's mask came into view, over me, pulling the man from my body. With his weight lifted off, I coughed, gulping in air like a parched man with water.

I put my hands over my face, feeling the wet, dried crust of... blood?

It hadn't registered in my brain that the man had died. But why else was Ghost here? And when my fingers came back blood red, caked in Michaels' and two other man's blood, the fear that built in me came out like a shriek.

I felt hands at my shoulders, hoisting me up, and I turned, ready to punch, claw, kick, and scream my way out. But I only saw Soap's face, splattered with blood and torn with fear. He grabbed my face with two hands, bringing his eyes up to mine.

"Tell me you're okay," he breathed.

I was heaving, nodding frantically, grabbing onto his forearms like an anchor.

He sighed, relieved, pulling me against him. He kept one hand in my hair, the other stroking my chin.

"Soap, what's happening?" I asked, gripping onto his bulletproof vest.

I turned in his embrace, watching Ghost kick the body to the side and rip the helmet off. Someone, Ghost or Soap, had shot him clear through the neck. A gaping, bloody hole tore through his trachea.

"I would've kept him alive just to hurt him even more," Ghost said through clenched teeth. He was in his full army-issued uniform, complete with his tactical vest, his helmet, gloves.

When he turned to me, I saw the heavy look he gave me through the holes in his skull mask. The bone-white was sprinkled with dots of red.

He was angry.

"I'm so sorry I got out," I mumbled.

Soap hushed me, a finger on my lower lip, wiping the blood off, comforting me. Ghost stood, walking slowly up to us. He pushed the strap of his rifle over his shoulder, letting the weapon hang at his side, and reached out to brush a strand of hair out of my face.

"Not your fault," he mumbled. I looked up slowly, meeting his gaze. He was so close to us. With Soap holding onto my waist, Ghost's hands skimming down my neck, I finally felt safe.

It was so strange, having a dead body inches from my feet, and two grown men with the warmth of the sun cajoling me with comforting caresses down my spine, along my shoulders.

"We need to get her out of here," Soap mumbled. He'd buried his face in my hair, kissing along my hairline. The intimate gesture made me shiver.

I closed my eyes when I felt Ghost's hands along my waist.

Soap wrapped one arm around my shoulders steering me along. I watched as Ghost took back his weapon, walking in front of us as we rounded the corner of the comms building.

"They killed Michaels," I mumbled.

Soap pressed me closer to him.

"I had to take his gun," I continued. I shivered at the thought of his blood on my fingers. Of him dying alone in there, in the dark, with some strange body next to his.

We jogged to the barracks building, one I recognized from my time getting clothes from the women on base. We entered silently, the place quiet and dark.

"We should wait until they've got comms back on," Ghost said, closing the door behind us and hurrying us into the hall.

"Are we sure all shadows have been eliminated?" Soap asked.

"Dunno," Ghost mumbled, ripping open a door and ushering us inside. It was cold but the curtains were open and light swooped in, illuminating the few bunks in the room.

"We should wait out here until then," Ghost instructed, heading over to the curtains and pulling them shut, squeezing all light out of the room.

[apoapsis]

@dimensionalspades said, For the past month, Jack and Sigma had only spent time on the battlefield. They were keeping each other safe in those altercations, but there hadn't been a single moment to spend together. Normally, Jack wouldn't mind, but after the amount of time they'd been able to steal beforehand, Jack was a little... disappointed. He found he was a little starved for the man's attention- even if he wouldn't outright admit as much yet. The quiet between them allowed the sound of rain outside to permeate the room, and it was only after a while that he was at least mostly sure that they actually had the time to rest and relax. So, he peeled off the jacket, then the gloves, and finally, he unlatched the mask, red glow fading as it disconnected from its base. Sitting back, he settled comfortably against Sigma's side. "Storm's not goin' anywhere for a while. Might as well wait it out here."

                      Despite SIGMA’S whimsical mentality, even he is aware that too many late-night excursions would eventually draw attention to himself. Actually, one could argue that they already knew all about what he was doing– it wasn’t as if he was all that discreet about his absences, even with Miss Sombra’s aid.  In all likelihood, they simply wanted to be certain that he would continue to return without prompting. 

Even still, the astrophysicist waits a little over a month to try seeing him again– just to try to be safe. 

                       What he hadn’t anticipated, is the [ ALMOST ] warm welcome he receives from Jack, once they’ve met up and squirreled themselves away into Jack’s latest respite. How, before he even has a chance to request an update from the soldier, Jack asks him a peculiar question.

‘-- Where’ve you been? Something come up with TALON?’

                    … Strange! He cannot recall Jack ever wanting to know– at least, not in regards to his whereabouts. In reality, he’d assumed that his absence would have been treated more favorably– as was often the case with his colleagues. It sounded almost as if Jack had wanted him to visit! The query prompts a puzzled look from the astrophysicist, ever-vacantly cocking his head to the side as he observes him for a moment. “-- Me? N-not at all!” SIGMA chimes back reassuringly, his uncertainty as to how to deflect the unanticipated concern blatantly obvious. “I– ah… I do not always sneak out to see you! So… sometimes I have to suspend my nighttime roaming to avoid drawing attention– at least, that is what Miss Sombra asks of me.”

The living space is so small compared to SIGMA, with very little space to stand, let alone float, with his gangling body. He almost feels as if he’s in a dollhouse, as he settles himself onto the edge of the mattress haphazardly tossed atop a couple of empty crates– everything being Jack-sized. Allowing his back to recline against the wall beside Jack’s bed, SIGMA’S pale, lavender eyes crinkle with muted delight as he watches the soldier pace about the little warehouse storage space. “-- I did not think you would notice.” He adds after a moment of silence.

                    There’s… a fractional degree of anxiety with the way Jack seems to speak more openly this time; he doesn’t wait for SIGMA to break the silences– asking questions he never seemed to care for the answer to previously, carrying on in an almost… lighthearted tone. If it wasn’t for the fact that he was already exceptionally familiar with Jack’s atomic structure due to repeated usage of his ANOMALY upon him, this wouldn’t align very well with what he concretely– objectively– understands in regards to Mister Jack Morrison. Even still, he’s nervous, as the other continues to quietly pace loose circles while they talk– although when another lull in conversation is filled by the sudden crack of thunder, the startlement of which causes his ANOMALY to make several loose items around the hideout clatter and wobble, jostled from their original positions in SIGMA’S surprise. When had it begun to rain? How was he going to get home in all of that? “-- What? That is–” It’d been overcast when he’d make the venture over here– why was he acting so surprised? “I– h-how am I supposed to–” 

The worry must be evident on his stern face, judging by the way Jack finally pauses fully, rather than wandering aimlessly, to address his concerns. Stay? Here? The last time he’d spent an extended period of time with Jack was when he’d stayed behind to ensure SIGMA hadn’t been captured… but he had been injured then– there had been a legitimate need for safety. “... That… does not sound particularly–” The astrophysicist trails off as he watches Jack begin to peel off the many, many layers that he comprised of, concerned violet eyes softening with wonder as he even goes so far as to remove his mask. Even with his damaged eyesight– or, perhaps, because of it– he could almost swear that Jack bore some degree of visual likeness to… SIEBREN. Perhaps not with the scars, but the whitening military fade and sharp angles of his jaw were of striking similarity enough all on their own.

                      But that isn’t what shocks him the most– rather, it’s the way Jack takes the liberty of sitting himself beside him, and while he’s about to shift, to make a little space for him, considering he’s taking up a little over half of the available surface area… Jack opts to lean on him. Even the way he sits with his body tentatively pressed shoulder-to shoulder with him– clearly wanting to be close, yet being so blatantly careful so as to avoid making too much contact– reeks of familiarity from his decades spent alongside SIEBREN. Gaunt cheeks unintentionally flush, his sedated heartbeat skipping a beat all while his mouth becomes so dry. He really had missed SIGMA, hadn’t he? He had no idea his absence could affect any one person so directly– it was as if Jack really wanted him to stay. This was the first time any one person in this reality had ever expressed any kind of longing for his presence. It wasn’t as if SIEBREN counted– they were never truly apart, were they?

“Ah... O… Okay.” SIGMA whispers hoarsely after the initial alarm resides, hesitating momentarily– before daring to cuddle a little closer to the soldier, his long legs pulled upward so that he can fold them under himself as he leans the entirety of his negated weight against Jack fully, as if they were keeping one another propped up– before, finally, allowing his own head to loll to the side, resting the side of his cheek against the soldier's greasy white locks of hair affectionately.

                        “... Y-you are… significantly warmer than I would have expected you to be…! Hehe…”

[lauriepinkney64]

spiritual injury, the original wound

Created: Sunday, January 29, 2023 7:18 AM

Updated: Sunday, January 29, 2023 8:24 AM

upon meditation and reflection of my current past i found a significnt spiritual wound incurred within the organized religon i was raised. 

i was born to a family that were devout members of the sda church.  we went to church every week, and attended their church schools, and abode the laws and rules of this church during the week, man head of household, no fun and observance of sabbath from friday sundown to saturday sundown. strict.  it relaxed, the fervor, as we aged, and we'd even skip church or sometimes only sabbath school, (sundayschool), sometimes opting to have 'church' outside like at a park, these were by far more spiritual gatherings than any id had in the church building.  i could feel source profoundly when outside in nature.

i was baptized at age 12, mostly because my cousin had been, but during the preparation class or classes i felt something significant begin to expand inside., my grandfather was re baptized with me and that moved me more than my own baptism.  this feeling has never left me, it is the reason i love to help others, i want to assist the lost  i want to comfort the hurt and i want to heal the wounded,  this is my purpose.

as i became more myself and grew into teenhood, i began to feel the discord between the church teachings and the words actions and feeling atmousphere in the church family.  i saw the judgement of those deemed not og or not falling within the rules of this church, ie wearing makeup and jewelry were discouraged frowned upon , judged and seen as vanity, or divorced, or didnt observe sabbath the right way, or chose to eat meat, sda is largely vegegarian. so many harsh misunderstandings and judgements  from a group designated to heal these wounds not inflict them, so much visible obvious hipocrasy, things didnt match up!  i was blessed with a youth group leader couple in my 14th year of life.  they used the living bible, plain real talk, and introduced me and others to the cs lewis chronicles of narnia, this inflamed my imagination and passion for learning the broader knowing of the universe, these two angels delved into daniel and revelation in a way that was powerfully inspiring and motivating for me to uncover the truth of all spirituality and about myself.  this was when i began to peel away from that which i was raised with and began learning things first hand, and i felt such distance between me and church, i felt repelled, i made a cursery attempt to appear connected to church mostly for mom so she'd not worry and i was fearful to admit my lifestyle choices, love women, dont love church.

i felt rejected and judged harshly by my church family, in that subtle way that happens in dynamics like that.  i had loved this church, been loyal and devout to the teachings, i had depended on its teachings to help me navigate my life and when i finally understood a  truth of myself i found that i was not included as i am, i was deemed unfit or sinful, just being myself, this is not unique to sda, in this era, '70's, almost all organized religon seemed to feel that way, change or we wont accept you,  it was invalidated and pronounced a sin, who i am is a sin?  the one place i had before found solice, found a home, a community and i wasnt wanted. i was deemed bad.  or misguided, judging my self discovery and seeking self understanding as invalid and wrong somehow. blasphemy even. 

leaving the church of my youth which had included school and the social contacts i had made, and birth family, i experienced grief, i had no support system anymore and i had to develop my own without their help.

as  i aged i found myself identifying with the lesbian community, and found comfort solice acceptance there, and peace within myself about myself.  this allowed me some grace to begin the healing journey.

this injury was big and i buried it deep, it makes sense it is foundational and near the last of my 'flies in the ointment'.

years later after trying to make a straight life for the approval of my family and church supports, and having become bulimic and terribly depressed i accepted who i was and came out to her.  she guessed before i said it..she also said i was on my own about telling my dad, another cut to the mother wound that i would bury until she was buried. he did not react well.  he asked me 'what do you want from me?!" i said i just want to know you still love me,  he seemed so angry, like he was taking this personally, as if i did this to him ,  he told me 'if you are with anyone just dont ever bring them around here', he was furious.

he avoided me and ignored me and basically cut me out for over a year which hurt me so much, mom told me later that she'd finally said something to him, if you don't get over this you are gonna lose her' she stoodup for me, finally!!! 

he did come around when i needed a car, he helped me and financed a vw bus combi he had, this helped us regain some communication.  it stayed somewhat stilted for awhile then i met patty and my family suddenly became protective, worried i was being used or taken advantage of.

i came to pattys home after a tumultous relationship with a woman with a daughter, i stayed for the kid but had to leave from the abusive behaviors toward me by her mother.   patty welcomed me with open arms, she loved me, fed me, held me, allowed me sanctuary to heal.  she has been my angel.

my brother even came to sheridan to see that all was copacetic., i was working with her son, she was my employer technically.

she has been integral in my further growth,  i was in need of a heavy mother energy and she provided this often without even realizing it.  she helped me see my history realistically and gently suggested that my 'close knit family' really wasn't so much, and urged me to have the courage to look at all things honestly, i learned how not to lie to myself, coping skill, and i began a new method of introspection without toxic positivity,  it has helped me to heal so much.

[vcnillazelda]

love’s web

albert wesker x reader

summary: albert comes home to you

tags: pregnant! reader, fluff, domestic wesker bc love this man, small bit of happy crying/crying in general, hormones, single implication that reader is a single mother

woah two posts in a short span of time :o

✞———————❖———————✞

slowly, albert shuts the door to your apartment. the door clicks shut, and he relaxes a little. the lights were off in the living room, yet the kitchen had a dim illumination seeping from the slightly open door. naturally, he walks over, peering inside. you had left the light on, but you were nowhere to be seen. he wants to call out, but he decides not to just in case you had accidentally forgotten and had gone to bed. a note catches his eye, and albert walks further into the room. picking it up, his eyes scan the paper, a soft smile upon his lips. “just in case you come home and i’m not here or not awake, there’s a microwave meal for you in the fridge and there’s most likely some chilled coffee too. love you albert! xxx, y/n (and baby)” there was a small heart at the bottom too. his heart warms up fast and he’s smiling to himself like an idiot.

carefully, albert prepares the microwave meal, making sure to stop it just before it beeps so he doesn’t wake you. it’s a simple spaghetti carbonara, but you seemed to have remembered how much he loves the dish. eating as quickly as he could, albert cleans up the plate, disposes of the box the meal was originally in and walks from the kitchen, turning off the light. skilfully, albert walks through the apartment as if he could actually see. he had done this a million times whilst trying not to wake you, he knew the entire layout as well as every nook and cranny of the place you both call home. creaking open the bedroom door carefully, albert peeks inside. he can hear your soft snores, and relaxes upon knowing you’re alright.

toeing off his shoes, albert puts them neatly next to the door, but away from where you might walk in case you accidentally tripped. stripping off his shirt and work pants and slipping into a pair of tracksuit bottoms instead, albert places his glasses upon his bedside table and slowly peels open the blanket before he lays on the bed beside you. being the gentleman he is, he wraps you back up before you get cold. you stir a little as his weight dips the bed, humming softly. albert keeps completely still until he’s sure you’re back into a deep sleep.

carefully, he settles down, arm slipping around your torso to spoon you, his hand resting upon your slightly swollen belly. you were now five months pregnant, and your stomach was starting to develop a lot more than when he last saw you. your fingers intertwine with his, and you nuzzle into your pillow slightly. “i didn’t hear you come in.” you mutter softly, voice groggy. “i’m sorry, darling. i didn’t mean to wake you.” albert apologises softly, kissing your shoulder. “it’s okay. i’m so glad you’re back.” he had been gone for four months, and it was obvious to him you were extremely relieved to have him back home. “i couldn’t make any contact, i’m sorry. i hope everything’s been going smoothly..?” albert asks, and you hum, squeezing his hand. “everything’s been fine… but at my first ultrasound the nurse thought you had walked out on me and was trying to get me to join some single mother’s group.” you reply, and albert feels deep remorse.

“i’m so sorry…” he mumbles, and you bring his hand up to gently kiss his knuckles. “it’s okay. i simply explained that you were a ‘soldier’ and she was very understanding. on the plus side, the baby’s starting kicking.” you respond. albert sighs softly, hand moving back to your belly. “i should of been here. i’ll take the next missions off until you’ve given birth. of course by then i’ll be on paternal leave to help raise the child.” albert kisses your head, and you sigh. “you don’t have to do that. if they need you-“

“then they’ll have to get someone else.” albert interrupts, arm secure around you, not enough to squeeze but enough so that you couldn’t move. “i want to be here for you.” he exhales steadily. “aw, albert.” you whine, rolling over in his grasp to cuddle into him, your bump pressing gently against his stomach as you nuzzle into his neck. “don’t cry, lovely.” he mutters, and you smile a little. “i’m not. it’s all these damn hormones.” albert hums, kissing your head gently. “it’s normal for you to be emotional during pregnancy, my love.” his hand rests upon the side of your belly, thumb gently rubbing affectionate circles. “do you know the gender yet..?” he asks sheepishly. “no. not yet. the appointment for that ultrasound is in two weeks, so hopefully you can come to this one.” you kiss his neck, smiling against his skin. “amazing.” albert smiles too, burying his face into your hair.

“i’ll call the company tomorrow to explain the situation.” albert tells you, moving down a little to kiss your forehead. “if you’re sure.” you mutter, hands gently stroking his chest. “darling, i’ve never been more sure of something in my life.” he coos, carefully stroking your stomach. “okay. i love you.” you mumble, slowly dozing off. “i love you too, darling. go to sleep. you need it.” albert smiles, head resting against yours. you’re out like a light, and albert lays there, relishing your presence. eventually, he feels a gentle kick against his stomach, and his heart melts. carefully, his hand presses to your bump, and the baby kicks again, right against his palm. you hum a little, clearly slightly disrupted by the kicking. “stop it, little one.” he whispers softly, removing his hand so he could hug you again. he feels one last kick against his stomach before the baby goes quiet again, and you settle down once more.

with as much carefulness as he can, albert shuffles down slightly so his head is level with your stomach. “i’m sorry i haven’t been here, little one. i trust you’ve been taking care of your mommy for me?” he mumbles, gently running his fingers over your belly. “i promise i’ll be here for both of you from here on out. i love you both so much.” albert mutters, kissing your baby bump gently. he felt a little silly, but he pushes that feeling aside and kisses your stomach once more. your fingers gently comb through his hair, and you sleepily mumble a quick “stop talking to the baby and come cuddle me.”

albert chuckles softly, giving your stomach one last kiss before returning to his pillow. you latch onto him, bump pressed into his stomach as you force your head under his chin. albert rubs your back softly, listening as you fall asleep once more. slowly, he lets himself doze off, completely content with you in his arms.

[sluttywonwoo]

something more || h.js x reader

Summary: it’s a tale as old as time- your roommate walks in on you masturbating and things escalate from there

Warnings: swearing, smut (18+) additional warnings under the cut

Word Count: 4.5k

A/N: originally posted on my tom holland fic account ( @wazzupmrstark )

Masterlist

additional warnings: additional warnings: masturbation, unprotected sex, choking, degradation, lowkey spit play

“Joshua! Come look at this!”

There were a lot of things you liked about your apartment. Cheap rent, nice views, mostly functioning air conditioning… however the gaping hole in your bedroom ceiling was not one of them. It had started out as a small leak a couple of weeks ago, water dripping from some imperceptible hole in the plaster that had slowly turned into a trickle and then a steady stream, until finally the ceiling had collapsed in on itself, unable to hold the weight of all of the water any longer. You had filed a maintenance request when you first noticed the leak, but it had gone ignored. Maybe now, now that your bed was covered in drywall and pipe water, now that you could see into the apartment above yours, your concerns would be important enough to be addressed.

“What is it?” your roommate called back.

You heard him approach and waited for the gasp that would follow. “Y/n…” he hissed, one hand over his mouth, the other gripping your shoulder in shock.

“I know.”

“Holy shit.”

“I know.”

“What do we do?”

“I don’t know.”

You sighed and took a tentative step forward into your room, wincing when your sock made contact with your damp rug.

“I’ll call maintenance,” Joshua offered and turned on his heel to grab his phone.

“I’ll… try and figure my shit out, I guess.”

His footsteps faded into the background as he retreated into his own room and you looked around your room with a frown, surveying the space for anything salvageable. You were surprised you hadn’t started crying yet. But apparently your brain hadn’t quite caught up with your eyes because all you felt was a numb sort of apathy as you gazed at the mess in front of you.

There was no way you could sleep in your room tonight. Even if you managed to dry everything and clear the debris, there was still a giant fucking hole in the ceiling. The mere thought of trying to fall asleep underneath it made you uneasy. You would have to crash somewhere else.

“They said not to touch anything-” Joshua shouted from the other room. You froze in place, afraid you’d already done something you weren’t supposed to and decided to join him in the kitchen instead.

Your socks left wet footprints against the concrete floor as you padded over to where Joshua was. He shot you a look of sympathy as you peeled them off and tossed them to the side, shifting his attention back to the notepad on the table in front of him to write something the person on the other end of the phone was saying.

The pen hovered above the paper momentarily, and Joshua rolled his eyes with an exasperated sigh, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Tomorrow? Is that the earliest- yeah that’s fine.”

The little hope you’d had that the issue would be resolved tonight fizzled, and you blew out a breath of frustration. You pulled out your phone and began scrolling through your contacts, mentally making notes of who might let you spend the night at their place.

Joshua thanked whoever he was talking to and hung up, pushing the notebook away from him with a groan.

“They’ll be here tomorrow morning,” he said, giving you an apologetic look. “What are you doing?”

“Texting Seungcheol.”

Joshua made a face. “Seung- why?”

“I’m going to ask if I can sleep over.”

“You haven’t talked to him in months,” your roommate protested.

“He’ll say yes to me,” you assured him.

“That’s because he expects you to sleep with him.”

“I know.”

“Y/n! You’re not seriously going to have sex with him in exchange for a place to stay, are you?”

“Well when you put it like that…” you trailed off and sighed. “Whatever, I’m not above it. It’s been a while since I’ve been laid anyway.”

“Seungcheol couldn’t even last thirty seconds-” he paused when you gave him a look, “I know from what you’ve told me. Not because I slept with him.”

“You know saying that makes it sound like that’s exactly why you know.”

“Please, y/n, I have taste,” he said matter-of-factly, easily dodging a swat from you. “You’re not sleeping at Seungcheol’s,” he said as if he’d decided, as if he had final say on the matter.

“Well, what am I supposed to do, Joshua?” you demanded. “I can’t sleep in my own room, and you know I can’t sleep on the couch so what do you suggest?”

“Take my room,” he offered simply, shrugging like it should have been obvious.

“What?”

“You can have my bed and I’ll sleep on the couch. You don’t even have to fuck me for it.”

You rolled your eyes. “Well what do I have to do for it?”

You could tell Joshua wanted to say ‘nothing’, but knew you wouldn’t accept his offer without feeling like you could give him anything in return so he settled for “fried rice”.

“You want fried rice?”

“I want your fried rice,” he clarified with a grin. “You know it’s my favorite.”

“That’s it?”

“That’s it.”

“Okay,” you agreed. “Fine. Thank you, Joshua.”

He gave you a knowing smile and nodded. “Don’t mention it.”

-

Joshua kept his room colder than yours. Your wet hair from the shower only made the chill worse, but you didn’t want to mess with the thermostat and throw off how he liked things. You were even hesitant to touch the pillows on his bed. You knew Joshua wouldn’t care, but you still wanted to respect his space.

Joshua was literally the most easygoing person you knew, which offered a nice balance in contrast to your high-strung, perfectionist personality. One time you’d bled on his sheets while you were just hanging out in his room and he was completely unphased. He just threw the bedding in the wash like nothing had happened and mentioned that he’d been needing to wash them anyway while you practically cried in embarrassment.

“It’s okay, y/n. I’ve had girlfriends before.”

“Yeah, but I’m not your girlfriend!”

“We live together, close enough.”

To be fair, you knew that this kind of thing happened all the time, but you were still mortified. You didn’t even pay attention to the rest of the movie you and Joshua had been watching. To this day you didn’t know how the Lego Batman Movie ended.

“You need something to sleep in?” Joshua had asked on your way from the bathroom back to his room, having noted your state of undress.

It wasn’t uncommon for you to make the trips to and from the shower in nothing more than a towel, but he knew you wouldn’t be able to go back into your room tonight, and that most of your clothes were still damp from the ceiling anyway.

“Yeah, that’d be great.”

He just nodded from where he was on the couch and gestured past you in the direction of his door. “You know where everything is. Pick out whatever.”

“Thanks.”

“Don’t mention it.”

You’d chosen an old t-shirt from a gas station souvenir shop, one of many in his collection of road-trip tees and a pair of panties you had managed to snag from your dresser before Joshua had yelled at you to get out of your room earlier.

You hung your towel on a hook attached to the back of his closet door and sprawled out on his bed, pulling the comforter around yourself.

It was late. It had been late for a while, but you and Joshua were night owls. You both kept busy schedules, so at night you liked to take some time for yourselves before bed. Still though, you knew you should sleep. But you couldn’t.

You squeezed your eyes shut and tried to relax your muscles.

If you were being honest, the idea of getting laid had been exciting and you were a bit disappointed it wasn’t going to happen for you tonight. It had been a while since you’d been with anyone, and you were craving the intimacy, even if it was coming from someone like Dylan.

Your skin was beginning to feel hot and sticky, and you pushed the covers off of you in your frustration. You had just been cold a few moments ago, and all it had taken to make you sweat was the mere thought of sex. It was pathetic, you were pathetic, and you knew it.

Your fingers inched toward the waistband of your panties almost unconsciously before you stopped yourself. You were in Joshua’s bed. You shouldn’t be getting yourself off in his bed. That was wrong. It wasn’t your room, there must be some sort of boundary for this sort of thing. Roommate code. What if Joshua walked in on you- no. You clenched your fists by your sides and sighed. The idea of your roommate walking in on you with your hand down your pants should not be turning you on. It should be having the opposite effect. But you couldn’t help it.

You had managed to suppress your attraction to him for this long, being in his bed shouldn’t be the breaking point. Maybe it was because his sheets smelled like him, or maybe it was because you were wearing his shirt…fuck, you wished you had your vibrator. The little pink toy was sitting in the drawer of your bedside table, likely water damaged beyond repair. God, hadn’t you lost enough?

“Forgive me, Shua,” you whispered hoarsely into the empty room as you resigned yourself to your pleasure.

Your pussy had won over your head and you’d given into your desire. Familiar sparks of arousal flickered faintly in your stomach when you brushed the tips of your fingers over your panties. You weren’t shocked to discover that the material was already damp from where your wetness had seeped through.

You tried to think about Seungcheol, about your celebrity crushes, about anyone other than the person behind the other side of the door, but your mind kept drifting back to your roommate. You thought about what Joshua’s fingers would feel like instead of your own. They were so much longer than yours… you stifled a moan as you curled a finger into yourself and let your thumb begin to circle your clit, imagining Joshua’s head was buried in between your thighs instead.

Getting yourself to the edge was usually difficult for you without the help of toys or a third party, but you surprised yourself when your thighs began to tense in anticipation as you worked your fingers over your g-spot repeatedly, orgasm just out of reach. You were trying to be as quiet as possible, but you kept letting quiet sighs and curses slip from between your lips as your focus began to blur.

You pictured Joshua pushing himself into you, pictured how his face would scrunch up in pleasure as he felt you clench around his cock for the first time, how he’d kiss your neck and praise you for taking him so well- you bit down on your knuckles to stop yourself from screaming.

The invisible string inside of you snapped right as the door to Joshua’s room swung open and you were forced to rip your hand away from yourself as you came and your pussy clenched around nothing.

The light overhead flicked on and you squinted, groaning at the sudden blinding intrusion.

“Sorry,” Joshua apologized sheepishly. “I just forgot a pillow.”

You used your dry hand, the knuckle-bitten one, to throw him one of the pillows from behind you. He caught it with ease and you thought that would be it, but he zeroed in on your hand, narrowing his eyes at it with a confused expression on his face.

You hoped he couldn’t tell that you were still trembling from the aftershocks of your ruined orgasm, hoped he didn’t question why you were so flushed and breathless.

“What happened to your hand?” he asked, tossing the pillow aside and taking your hand into his own to observe. “You’re bleeding.”

Damn, you hadn’t meant to bite your hand that hard.

“It’s nothing,” you said and tried to yank your hand out of his grasp, but he was holding onto you too tightly.

“I have some Band-Aids in the bathroom. I’ll be right back.”

“Shua you don’t have to-”

He was gone before you could finish your sentence, and back before you could protest any further. While he was in the bathroom you hurriedly wiped your other hand on your- his- shirt in an attempt to erase any evidence of what you had been doing just moments before he had interrupted.

“Give me your hand,” Joshua instructed, taking a seat on the bed so that he was facing you.

You outstretched your arm so that he could see the damage and watched as he dabbed a tissue at the specks of blood on your skin, applying pressure to stop the flow.

“It’s just a little scrape,” you insisted.

“Still, we don’t want it to get infected.”

“I guess,” you mumbled.

Once he was sure that you had stopped bleeding he dabbed a tiny bit of Neosporin onto your knuckle and wrapped a Spider-Man Band-Aid around your finger.

“Thank you.”

“Wait, I’m not done!”

“What do you mean?”

“I have to kiss it better.”

You rolled your eyes but gave in, lifting your hand to his face princess style. He pressed a gentle kiss to the Spider-Man Band-Aid and took a moment to admire his work. It was only when he was holding your hand closer that he noticed the indents in all of your other knuckles.

“Why were you biting your hand?” he asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

There was no use in lying about it, the marks on your hand were clearly teeth marks. He would know you were bullshitting if you tried to play it off.

“I wasn’t.”

So much for that.

Joshua blinked. “Show me your other hand.”

“What? No.”

“Show me.”

“No!”

You grabbed the comforter and pulled it tighter to you while Joshua tried to wrestle it from your grasp.

“I swear to God, y/n,” he muttered under his breath.

You put up a good fight, but he was stronger than you and tugged it off of you within seconds of struggling. He pushed you back onto the bed and used his body to pin you to the mattress so that you couldn’t wriggle away. Now that you were stuck underneath him he was able to assess the hand that you had been trying to hide. You whimpered in embarrassment and watched in horror as he brought the hand… brought the hand to his…

“Joshua, what are you doing?” you breathed out.

He looked at you brazenly and then put two of your fingers in his mouth. You shivered as he sucked the arousal, the evidence, from your fingers to confirm his suspicion.

“You’re a liar,” he said finally.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” you stammered.

Joshua chuckled to himself and let your hand fall back to your side. “And a brat too.” You scoffed in offense but Joshua just leaned down to kiss your forehead sweetly. “I already knew that, though.”

“Excuse you, but I am fucking delightful!” you argued.

“I never said you weren’t!”

“You just called me a brat!”

“Two things can be true at the same time.”

“I hate you.”

“So you… don’t want me to… give you a hand there?” he asked.

You paused. Was he really offering to-

“We’re friends, Joshua. You don’t have to do that.”

“I know. I want to.”

You could feel your heart beating in your throat and in your pussy. Joshua was your best friend and your roommate… but was there something more? Right now you wanted him more than you had ever wanted anyone. This couldn’t end well.

“Joshua?”

“Yeah?”

“Kiss me.”

Joshua was back on top of you as soon as the words left your mouth, pressing his lips to yours while one of his hands tangled itself in your hair. You could taste yourself on his tongue and moaned softly into his mouth. You found yourself wishing the moment could last forever, but you quickly changed your mind when you felt Joshua pressing his thigh up in between your legs. Lazily making out was nothing compared to what he was doing now. He brought a hand to your hip and urged you to move. He guided you until you were rocking back and forth on his thigh at a steady pace.

“Feel good?” he asked.

You could only nod, not trusting yourself to speak. Your panties were the only layer between your pussy and Joshua’s leg, and although they were certainly ruined by now they still provided the means to create friction that went straight to your clit.

Joshua’s hands fiddled with the hem of the t-shirt you were wearing and he tugged at the bottom of it, motioning for it to come off.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

Another nod from you and he was whisking the shirt off over your head without a second’s hesitation. He was pulling his own shirt off next, tossing it into a pile on the floor with yours. His fingers found the waistband of your panties soon after, and he played with the elastic impatiently, eager eyes searching yours for approval. You lifted your hips off of the bed so that he could take them off, leaving you completely naked before him.

Joshua let his gaze travel down your body, shamelessly admiring every dimple, curve, and freckle that was now exposed to him. You shifted under him self-consciously, silently wishing you had shaved. If you had known you’d be fucking your best friend, you would have, but it was too late now and you could only hope he wasn’t bothered by a little hair.

“How are you real,” he murmured to himself, earning an eye roll from you. Joshua reached out and dragged a finger through your folds, smiling when you flinched. “So sensitive…” he noted. “Did you cum already?”

“Yes, but it was ruined,” you admitted.

“Poor thing,” he tsked in fake sympathy, bringing his hand back up to his mouth. “Just wanna nother taste. You’re too sweet to resist.”

“Shua,” you whined.

“What is it, baby?”

“I need you.”

He smiled down at you and took you by the chin, tilting your face up towards him. “You already have me.”

“You know what I mean!”

“But I want to hear you say it.”

You groaned stubbornly and twisted your head out of his grip, only to let out a yelp when he closed a hand around your throat.

“Stop being a brat,” Joshua spat as he forced you to look at him again. “I’ll give you one more chance to be a good girl, got it? Good girls use their words to tell me what they want. Do you understand?”

“Yes,” you choked out desperately.

“Are you going to be a good girl?”

“I’ll be a good girl.”

“So what is it that you need, love?”

You swallowed your pride and opened your mouth to respond. “Your cock, please.”

“Sorry, what was that?” Joshua asked, cupping a hand around his ear as if he couldn’t hear you.

“I want- I need your cock, please.”

“Atta girl,” he praised and eased the grip around your neck. “Was that so hard?”

You shook your head weakly and watched as Joshua pushed his boxers down to his thighs, then onto the floor, letting his cock bounce up against his stomach. He was fully hard already and you wondered how long he’d been like that, wondered how he had so much self-control when you barely had any.

“We can stop whenever you want, okay?” Joshua said, face softening and hand gently cupping your cheek. “Let me know if it’s too much. Just tell me what you need, baby.” You nodded obediently and met him halfway as he leaned down to kiss you. He broke away from the kiss suddenly and held a hand underneath your mouth. “Spit,” he ordered.

You complied and sat up a little to spit into his hand. He worked that same hand over his cock a few times, using your spit to lubricate it before positioning himself over you.

“Is this a good idea?” you blurted right as Joshua was about to push himself into you, suddenly aware that you wouldn’t be able to go back from this as soon as he did.

You had shoved any feelings you’d had for Joshua down for so long and it would be impossible to keep doing after sleeping with him. But you had already come this far.

“Probably not,” Joshua answered with a shrug. “Do you want to stop?”

“No. Do you?”

“No.”

“Okay, cool.”

“Great.”

A brief moment of silence lapsed while you both stared into each others’ eyes, not quite sure where to go from there.

“I’m gonna fuck you now,” Joshua said casually after thirty more seconds of silence.

“Yes, please do.”

You braced yourself for the stretch as Joshua pushed into you at an agonizing pace and sank your teeth into his shoulder to relieve some of the pressure. Joshua groaned at the feeling of you pulsing around his cock, a feeling which was only heightened by you nipping at his skin.

“Fuck, you’re so tight.”

“You’re… so big,” you echoed back.

He allowed you a few moments to adjust before he moved. You were already so worked up that he slid in and out of you easily and it wasn’t long before he was pounding into you at a fast tempo. He pressed hurried kisses to your jaw and neck, leaving a trail of hickies to remember him by.

You cried out each time his cock hit your g-spot, overwhelmed and still sensitive. Joshua kissed you to drown out your moans, clamping a hand over your mouth in his stead whenever he came up for air. His other hand was up against the wall for stability, though it wasn’t helping much.

“Joshua,” you gasped.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Can you choke me again, please?” you all but begged.

Joshua smirked. “Of course.”

He did as you asked and cursed when you wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him in closer.

“See what happens when you’re a good girl and ask nicely?” he teased, cocking his jaw arrogantly. “You get rewarded.”

You could feel your orgasm building in your abdomen as Joshua continued to thrust into you and wondered if he was close too. You guessed that he was from the way his hips had began to falter.

“Up,” Joshua commanded suddenly.

He slipped out of you and grabbed you by the shoulders, hauling you into a sitting position.

“On your hands and knees,”

“And if I don’t?” you challenged.

“You don’t want to find out.”

“Are you sure?”

“Should I finish myself off, then?” he asked, pumping his cock lazily as if he expected you to call his bluff. “Leave you here needy, not let you cum?”

“No, please!”

You quickly got into position on all fours with your back to Joshua praying that he wouldn’t make good on his threat.

“That’s what I thought,” he said. You could hear the smile in his voice.

You fell forward on your face when he shoved his cock back into you only for him to tug you upright by your hair. He fucked you like that in doggy for a minute or so before he snaked an arm around your upper body and pulled you flush against his chest. Being seated on his lap allowed Joshua the ability to touch practically anywhere on your body. He took advantage of the new position by grabbing your tits.

He was so fucking deep in you like this you couldn’t stand it. Every tiny movement brought you closer to the edge and you weren’t sure how much longer you could last.

“Shua, I’m close,” you warned through broken gasps.

“Don’t cum yet.”

“Why not,” you whined.

“You’re not allowed to cum until you answer this question for me,” he said breathlessly.

“What is it?”

“When you were touching yourself earlier, who were you thinking about?”

“I-”

“Was it Seungcheol?”

“No.”

Joshua’s fingers found your clit and began rubbing circles around it, making it that much harder not to disobey him.

“Fuck, Joshua…”

“Who was it?”

“It was you! I was thinking about you!”

“Do you always think about me?” he pressed.

“You only said one question,” you accused defensively.

Interrogating you while he had you on the brink of orgasm was not fair.

“Fine, cum.”

You cried his name as you finally came. He held you through it, your orgasm triggering his own as you clenched around him repeatedly. Your name tumbled from his lips too, while he lost himself in the midst of pleasure. You couldn’t see his face as he came, but you could imagine it, like you had hundreds of times before. The way his hair would stick to his forehead, the way he’d bite down on his lip and squeeze his eyes shut as he let go of control…

You couldn’t see him as he came, but you could feel him. You felt his entire body tense behind you, felt the warm spurts of cum fill you up, felt the way he instinctively grabbed at your throat to anchor himself.

Neither of you spoke for what felt like an eternity as you both caught your breath. Joshua collapsed on the bed with you in his arms, cock still buried inside of you. He brushed your hair out of your face and turned your head so that he could look into your eyes.

“Are you okay?”

You nodded sleepily and gave him a weak smile. “I’m good.”

“Are you sure? I wasn’t too rough?”

“No, you were perfect.”

He kissed you again without a second thought and you kissed him back. It felt familiar and warm, like it was the most normal thing in the world.

“Here let’s get you cleaned up,” he said, pulling out of you.

You winced at the empty feeling, but laid in bed motionlessly and let Joshua dote on you. He used a warm washcloth in between your thighs and wrapped a new Spider-Man Band-Aid around your hurt finger. He slipped back into his boxers and tossed you another pair of his to wear before fetching you a glass of water from the kitchen and making you drink it all.

Joshua returned to bed finally and snuggled up to you instantly. You nestled yourself into the crook of his arm and rested your head on his shoulder.

“I thought I didn’t have to fuck you to sleep in your bed,” you said quietly once he had gotten comfortable.

“Shut up.” There was still a lot to discuss between the two of you, but nothing that couldn’t wait until morning. For now you were content to fall asleep in his arms and ignore all of the unanswered questions bouncing around in your mind. “For the record, I still expect my fried rice.”

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[notbecauseofvictories]

i know that like if we want the rewards of being loved we must submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known but like what are the rewards of being loved? are they really worth all that? you talk of love and loving often and sometimes im so in your corner but other times it just makes me angry. is it really all that great?

This ask has been in my inbox for a number of days now, and honestly, every time I try and contemplate what it’s asking my mind stalls. “What are the rewards of being loved?” reads like like asking what kind of cheese the moon is made of, or how much dark there is before the dawn. It’s definitely a question! Theoretically it has an answer! But what kind of answer can I give that will make sense, since apparently....the reward of being loved isn’t being loved.

I mean, in the original essay, the one that gave birth to the meme, the trigger for “being known” is not really all that mortifying. Timothy Kreider emailed his friends about a herd of goats he was renting. Someone accidentally replied-all “oof,” which inspired the reflection about the gap between how we imagine people see us (charmingly off-beat renter of goats, perfect) and how we are actually known by the people in our lives (someone who fritters away their income renting a herd of goats for no discernible reason.)  Kreider concludes that this actually isn’t a gap at all---we are all fully capable of loving people profoundly while still seeing their faults, finding things they do annoying, and commiserating with mutual friends about that person’s quirks. 

I as an individual might like to think I am exempt from this, that I am dazzling and charming and the people who like me don’t even notice my foibles, but the truth is they do, it just doesn’t effect their love for me. 

Hence the “mortifying ordeal”---not only do I have to make myself vulnerable to someone else’s gaze, but I then have to accept that the people who like me do it in full knowledge of who I am. At any given moment, people are walking around fully aware of the fact that I’m a know-it-all and a bad loser, that I am not always emotionally available; my first instinct is to argue and my taste in music is somehow pedestrian and pretentious at once, that I am mostly trying, and a lot of times I fail. All the less-than-perfect things inside me are not secreted out of view; they are very obvious to anyone who has spent enough time with me, who has chosen to be around me for more than a half hour.

And that’s the people who like me!

So if we didn’t want to be known, deep down under all the squirming icky, insecure mess that makes being known such a terrifying prospect, then you’re right. The ordeal isn’t worth it, we should all pack up and go home, because people are always going to fucking see us. The random coworker who watches your face during a meeting knows you; the cousin who listened to your snarky comment knows you. You stumble through the world being known, inevitably, inexorably.

But being seen is necessary to be truly loved---and when it comes down to it, to be loved is to be real. Kreider references The Velveteen Rabbit in his follow-up article, appropriately titled “I Am a Meme Now.” I don’t think he’s wrong to draw on the idea that people observing our secret places, our weird faces, our strange comments and experience of the world makes them ultimate more real. Our experience lives inside us, in our head and impulse and feeling, so we are not objective in this---but we can’t escape all that leak out of us into the sight of others either. We can’t escape being known by someone who isn’t us, and rendered more than just our subjective selves through them. (In some ways, being known by someone else can be even truer than what we know about ourselves.)

The reward of all this---the only one that counts---is that sometimes, someone looks into your bloody beating insides and stays. They see your ugly expressions and listen to your nasty comments and peel back the heavy, wet layers of your intestines to see the guts beneath and still, they love you anyway. 

It is the closest thing to a miracle most of us will experience.

[ekaterinatepes]

Nothing but the Best

Author’s note: it’s getting interesting here ;) enter prince charming Sugu-kun to save the day.

IX.

https://youtu.be/uhoiqVPmURE

Satoru was afraid of making a move, least he tipped you over the edge and made you bolt; he didn’t want that. Swallowing hard he looked into your eyes… God… he had missed your beautiful E/C eyes so much. Waking up every morning without you by his side, without you kissing him awake cause he was going to be late for work… again. Your absence had left a literal infinite void in his heart that he was unable to fill.

“I know I don’t deserve anything from you Y/N, but I love you and I cannot give up on us… We said forever when we got married. And I want that… with you” speaking from the heart was not something Satoru ever did. He always preferred to cover any emotions with inappropriate jokes and double entendres. But he knew he couldn’t play his stupid games, not with you and most certainly not now.

You pulled away in that moment, as if his touch was burning you. He allowed it, doing his utmost effort not to pull you back in. His hands itched resting at his sides, missing the warmth of your body.

|||

It was you and me, it seemed to last forever

The way you taste and I still remember… the sounds we made.

|||

“It would have been nice if you felt that way before you decided to ruin this marriage. Where were those promises of forever when you fucked someone else?” You asked piercing his eyes with yours. He cowered under your glare. Satoru had never been on the receiving end of your wrath and now he understood why most people chose (wisely) to not mess with you. Every single one of your words was chosen carefully to cause the most damage. At the same time… what hurt the most was that you were right.

“Leave and don’t ever come back… you and I… are through…” Satoru noticed how you avoided calling him by his name, he hated it. As if uttering his name would leave a bad taste in your mouth “Y/N…” he whispered pleadingly when you took another step away. But this time he didn’t have the courage to stop you as you disappeared inside your apartment and locked the door behind you.

|||

I bet you wish you had me back! Another chance to gain it, just like that. The best you ever had.

|||

Satoru was fucked.

—————

The next morning Suguru’s plane landed. JFK international airport was as busy and chaotic as one would expect. After collecting his luggage he made his way to a cab giving the driver your current address.

He hadn’t been able to sleep a wink during the trip, his mind swarmed with all the possibilities of what could be happening right now. Satoru didn’t play fair and of course… you loved (probably still love) the lucky bastard.

With a sigh he decided to focus instead on the city going by through the cab’s windows. It wasn’t the first time he was in New York and his mind was much more occupied torturing him instead of appreciating the landscape.

After 40 minutes, Geto stood before a very nice and modern building located in the upper east side called Hawthorn Park. You sure knew how to live in luxury. He approached the doorman and let him know his name and that he was here to see Miss Ekaterina Petrova to which the kind looking old man responded by using his intercom to contact you. Geto was soon granted access and guided to the elevator.

The elevator doors opened on the 21st floor, he walked to the door of your apartment which was already open and you were waiting for him. His smile fell once he noticed you have been crying “oh Kitten” dropping his luggage on the spot he surrounded your body in his arms “I’m so sorry…” one didn’t need to be a genius to know Satoru had found you.

You both moved inside your apartment. Settling on the spacious couch you buried your face on Suguru’s lap as you cried. He stroked your now darker strands of h/c hair without a word exchanged. He knew you needed to let it all out. After what seemed an eternity you sat back up. Suguru gently dried your eyes.

“He was here last night…” you whispered in a raw and scratchy voice, result of your endless hours of distress before his arrival “he told me he loved me, that he left Sookie” scoff “and hear this… he left her because the baby wasn’t his!” Talk about karma at its best. Suguru already knew that but he was surprised to hear Satoru had come clean about it to you “He probably thought I would fall for that! But I didn’t” you added firmly.

Suguru was proud of you. He knew how hard it was for you to resist Satoru but you stood tall and proud when it mattered the most. “What do you want to do now?” Where you planning on moving again?

-

“I’m not leaving…” you said looking into Suguru’s liquid amber gaze. You couldn’t help but notice once again he had such pretty eyes, like a cat. You’ve always liked them, specially when they looked at you with such tenderness. You have missed him dearly during all this time.

“I can’t keep running away from him; I mean… it’s obvious he won’t stop and I… I am tired of molding my life to adapt to his whims. I’m staying here whatever happens. Sugu… I got the part for the Swan Lake!” You added remembering you haven’t talked to him during the last week and so he didn’t know about your latest accomplishment.

Geto’s eyes enlarged before a huge smile split his handsome face and his massive frame engulfed you in a tight hug. Of course he knew everything about ballet, he was your best friend after all. This was huge! Probably as big as making it in the ballet world meant “I’m so proud of you Kitten!” He said excitedly kissing your temple. Maybe not everything was as bad as he thought.

You were upset, it was true. But then again you were not prepared last night. Satoru had taken you by surprise. Now… you knew he was here and more or less knew what to expect from your soon to be ex-husband.

“Thank you Sugu…” you stopped and pulled back just slightly to look into his eyes from your height. He was a very tall man compared to you “I missed you” you said with a bright smile to which Geto replied with one of his own before pulling you in again for another hug “I missed you too Kitten” stroking your back softly Suguru decided he was happy to be here… with you.

-

https://youtu.be/3oSXqLgoSq4

|||

She's given up, been holding on for way too long

She's had enough

He's coming home again

But it's too late 'cause she won't stay with him

|||

The sunshine hitting his face was what woke him up. With a grunt Satoru rolled over on his side only to fall unceremoniously from the couch where he had passed out last night. The last thing he remembered was warping back to his hotel after you left him on the roof. The memory of you, turning your back on him and walking away squeezed his heart in a painful grasp.

Alcohol was never something he was attracted to, he liked to keep his brain constantly alert and stimulated. It served a purpose of course, it kept his infinity barrier on at all times, even when he was asleep. But last night he hit rock bottom. He didn’t care anymore…

As soon as he got back to the hotel, hopelessness made a home in his chest, sitting heavy on his heart. Walking to the fully stocked bar placed on the corner of his suite he opened a bottle of whiskey. He started slow since most everything was too bitter for his taste, so he went through the process of trying every single bottle until he found something to his liking.

Two hours and about fifteen different shots of everything he decided to settle for a bottle of Amaretto, some fancy Italian liquor made of apricot kernels. It was sweet.

Everything else after that was blur. Moving his sore body from the floor he forced himself to go to the bathroom. Maybe a hot shower would help ease his misery. Peeling off his clothes the smell of booze clinging on them made Gojo cringe. He decided to brush his teeth before showering. Looking in the mirror he couldn’t recognize the man starring back at him. He was a mess.

|||

Are we just ghosts out in the night?

Are we just waiting for a light that doesn't shine?

Are we just faking or is this real?

'Cause I don't know how to feel

Are we just ghosts now, you and I?

|||

Last night he had been so desperate, so hopeless and broken hearted. That’s when it hit him… his wife didn’t hurt him, she didn’t cheat on him (unlike himself), she didn’t do anything to him and yet he was feeling as if the world was collapsing around him. He lied, cheated and fucked up everything for them both.

Guilt…

Unadulterated, burning and suffocating guilt was consuming him. He felt bad before but it wasn’t until last night that he grasped the concept that Y/N didn’t owe him anything at all and that HE didn’t deserve it anyways.

The plan originally had been to get back in your good graces by doing penitence, submitting to your every whim and desire by becoming your devoted slave for as long as you would have it. He never even considered the possibility that his wife DID NOT WANT to forgive him in the first place.

He thought you left to give him a lesson, that you would eventually come back to him after he had a taste of what it was like to lose you.

But even after you both shared such a searing kiss, so passionate that every cell in his body was humming, aflame with desire you still managed to walk away from him as if it meant nothing to you.

What good did it do to him to be the strongest when he couldn’t even protect his wife… from himself.

After showering, changing clothes and ordering every sweet pastry and desert from the room service menu Gojo stopped to rethink his strategy.

What?…

Did you think he was going to stop there?

Absolutely no, love!

If anything, your rejection had only fueled his need to get you back.

“Time for plan B” sighing he pulled out his phone it rang a couple times before someone answered “good morning Mrs. Mazzo, this is Gojo Satoru. I’m going to need you to forward to me Miss Petrova’s rehearsal schedule…”

—

“This is really good!” You hummed happily after swallowing a bite of your steak. Suguru sat across from you at Keens Steakhouse, with a grin he watched as you indulged yourself in what you called your ‘cheat meal’ of the month. Being a professional ballerina was a tough and demanding commitment that controlled every aspect of your life, from how you train to what you eat. Despite it all, Geto knew you always found a happy balance that worked just fine for you.

Seeing your big smile made his heart jump in his chest, you were as beautiful and alluring as the day he met you. If only he had told you he liked you before Satoru did. This question kept him up at night, playing all sorts of scenarios in his mind. If he had taken the first step… would things have been different? Would you have ended up together? Married? Shaking his head he tried to focus on what you were actually saying. Deviating his thoughts to that kind of scenarios was dangerous. He also didn’t want to push it when he was perfectly aware you were still healing; he wasn’t a low life piece of shit to take advantage of your vulnerability.

But when you smiles at him as if he was the only thing in your world, when you held his hand across the table, playing with his finger, his throat felt dry and tight.

“What do you think Sugu?” Your curious and expecting eyes caught him like a deer in the headlights “I’m sorry Kitten, I was distracted. Could you repeat that please?” He asked with an affable smile.

You chuckled and stroke his hand softly “you look tired, did you sleep at all in the plane?” He shook his head “no, I didn’t. I never can, it’s uncomfortable” he hid on purpose the true reason why he hadn’t been able to sleep “come on Sugu! Let’s go back home! I bet you are tired” you said offering him a sweet smile.

After paying your bill you walked the few blocks back home. Suguru of course would be staying with you in the spare room of your penthouse. Holding hands while you talked to him about the activities the city had to offer, your schedule and how you intended to fit the time to do some tourism with him. “You don’t have to bother Kitten, I know you are busy enough with your job, I will be fine” he insisted.

You stopped on your tracks and stood in front of him, pouting, making him chuckle. You looked every bit the kitten he knew you to be, all bothered and moody “no! I want to spend time with you too you know! I haven’t seen you in so long! I’m not going to waste this chance!” You insisted to which Suguru threw his hands up in the air “I surrender Kitten! Do with me as you will” you giggled and then blushed. “Uh… eh… ok! I will!” He took your hand again and you both resumed your walk.

-

Satoru warped to the roof top of the building adjacent to yours, the lights were out in your apartment and he couldn’t sense your presence inside. You left? Where did you go?

Before a second though he warped inside your apartment but he saw all your stuff was still there, maybe you went out for groceries or something?

After a few minutes sitting on your couch he decided to wait for you on the street so he could see when you got home.

(Almost an hour later)

Oh… he wasn’t ready for what he saw.

“That mother fu….” Satoru grinds his teeth watching you walk down the street holding onto Suguru’s hand while talking distractedly. From his hiding spot in front of your building he closed his hands in a tight fist.

Well, this complicated things… a lot more.

————-> Chapter 10

———————————-

@sleepyamaya

@cloudsinthecosmos

@jxvajxy

@satoruhooraaa

@my-reality-is-in-my-head

@dok-ja

@jscarlet06

@fiona782

@thatsharklovingwoman

@heichoustheoryofcleanliness

@syynnaaah

@shaylove418

@coldvillainess

@vampgguk

@sukuna1stwife

[sweetestlamb]

You’ve Got a Friend in Me

Summary: You deserve to be my brother. 

Author’s Note: I won’t go on a rant here many of you have already done so and much more eloquently than I can, Han Seo deserved to live and I think it would have been so much more original and refreshing if they didn’t kill the victimized character who was finally getting a second lease on life with his new family. If any of you read BMTL you know that I have a weak spot for abused characters and when they are treated this way I can’t stand for it. So join me here in this alternate reality where puppy does not die and instead he gets the love and rebirth that he deserves. 

Everything is white hot pain, and he wonders if this is what death feels like and if so why must this suffering follow him even into death? When will he finally be free from agony if not now? There are a flurry of sounds surrounding him but nothing decipherable until he hears, “Clear!” a voice shouts in the distance but he doesn’t know who that is, where exactly would someone like him go after death? Surely he hasn’t atoned enough for his sin of compliance to be granted a passage to pearly gates or a gracious omnipresent presence, there is only one place for someone like him. Hell. 

It doesn’t scare him, not with the life that he has lived. His hell started a long time ago, with a father that couldn’t be bothered with him no matter how many bruises and cuts littered his prepubescent body. Those very marks put there by the one person he desperately wanted to please, his hyung. That has been hell, a long enduring and never-ending hell and almost demonically poetic that was the cause of his very demise. The bullet through his ribs was nothing compared to every day of his life, up until he met Vincenzo and saw what living was supposed to be like. He had never truly lived before and the very moment he had started that had been snatched from his bloody hands. 

Fuck it all. He was ready to go. 

But regardless of his acceptance the pain sears on and he can see the ghastly face of Vincenzo peering down at him, eyes red rimmed and those words that he had longed to hear since he was born into his world and realized that there was someone whom he was supposed to call brother. 

You deserve to be my brother. 

“We’re losing him! Let’s do it again, clear!” 

Electricity floods his body and its nothing like anything he has ever felt before and he can feel his consciousness fading away, his thoughts drifting away until there is nothing left behind, just silence and regrets. 

Beep...Beep....Beep....Beep.... 

The constant sound jars him from his slumber and once again pain resurges in his body winding him before he can even bring himself to peel his heavy eyelids open, that battle almost enough to defeat him but he can feel a presence beside him and an unexplainable desperation forces him to see who it is. It feels like his very life depends on it. 

Little by little, he starts to peer his eyes open feeling the strain as he tenses and squirms under the pressure and finally they are open and his vision swirls unfocused and dizzy, staring at a painfully white ceiling and one single yellow tinted light. His brain supplies his location, the hospital. And then it takes a longer moment to realize the implications of his whereabouts, but after a moment’s pause he gasps feeling the dryness of his tongue and the cracks on his lips. Everything hurts, every fiber of his being is in insufferable agony but he almost weeps because that only means he’s alive. Somehow he had survived. 

With the minor strength he has he turns his head towards the figure next to him and his breath comes out in a shocked huff when he sees the dark figure in the chair, they had said their final goodbyes already and he had accepted that the only true brother that he’d had was taken from him, punishment for being born in this family. Yet, Vincenzo sits there sleeping looking pained even in his slumber a grimace across his face and his brows furrowed in distress. immediately he thinks about Ms. Hong, the blood staining her shirt and her body crumpling to the ground as she took a bullet for the man she loved. If Vincenzo was here with him looking like that did that mean she was...? 

No. It couldn’t be. His brother had already taken away Vincenzo’s mother he couldn’t have stolen the woman he loved too. That was simply too cruel a fate for the man. But why else would the man be here? This thought drives him to move, only able to move his hand but it’s enough to knock the consigliere from his peace less rest, he wakes as if he was not sleeping in the first place eyes immediately blinking open and hyper focused. He vaguely wonders if that is a survival skill of all members of the Mafia? 

They stare wordlessly at each other and before he can say a word Vincenzo is reaching across the small space and embracing him, his arms are ever gentle as they pull him in and his head is stuffed into the other man’s neck. He lays frozen unprepared for the sudden show of affection and still not used to hands on his body without the purpose of harming him but then his brain swirls to life and he pushes past the pain to reach up and clutch at the smooth material of Vincenzo’s suit jacket. At the first press of his fingers the other man grips him tighter, almost crushing him into his chest and it hurts, puts too much pressure on his wound but he won’t say anything doesn’t dare. This is the first time someone has hurt him because they cared about him. He wants to hold on to this precious moment forever. 

“I’m so happy you’re okay. You lost so much blood and I really thought--” 

“How’s Miss Hong? She is....Is that why you’re here? Please don’t tell me he really did it...Did he really kill her?” 

He starts shaking at the notion, tears pooling in his eyes imagining the woman’s dead cold body. 

It should have been me instead. 

As carefully he held him Vincenzo releases him, those large gentle hands warm and soothing on his trembling shoulders. 

“She’s fine. She’s in the room next to you. It’s all thanks to you, I can never thank you enough.”

Relief washes over him like a wave, he’s too weak to do anything but fall back into the plush bed beneath him. 

She was okay. Thank goodness. 

“What are you doing here? You should be with her. Go now, I’m not as important.” He means every word, he has never been anyone’s priority, no that’s for others he is nothing more than a nuisance and a punching bag. 

“What are you saying? Do you remember what I said to you before you fainted?

He does. How could he forget? But that was merely something said in the heat of the moment. Or so he had thought but that thought was enough for him to welcome the hands of death. 

“I see you remember. You are important to me. You’re my brother Han Seo-ah.” 

He can’t fight the smile that tentatively crawls across his face, “You meant it? it wasn’t just because I was dying?” He asks sheepishly and he squeaks in pain when a finger flicks his across the nose, looking up affronted but giddy with the possibilities. 

“I wouldn’t lie to someone on their death bed, I have principles you know.” Vincenzo huffs at him, striding across the room to pour a glass of water and he watches the liquid earnestly. When the older man pushes the tempting beverage in his direction he desperately wants to grab it but he finds that he can’t his body refusing to move. 

“Can you help me drink it?” He watches the older man stare back at him, an eyebrow raised as he looks at him and peers back helplessly, “Please Hyung,” and surprisingly enough that’s all it takes for the Vincenzo to carefully cup his head and tilt the glass on his mouth, allowing the glorious nectar to soothe his parched throat. A dribble leaks out of the side of his mouth and he’s further floored when the other man wipes it away with a napkin, guiding him back against his pillows. 

He tries to school his face into something less pathethic and pitiful but he knows that he’s not doing a great job, he can’t help it there has never been anyone like this for him. Never anyone who cared about him as Han Seo, not a pawn or someone to use or abuse, it’d enough to make everything he has gone through worth while. 

He can’t contain his joy watching his brother tug up his sheet and tell him to get some rest, he’s never fallen asleep so easily and without a care in the world. He has nothing to fear, now that he has Vincenzo. 

He gets more visitors. 

People from the plaza that used to look at him with distrustful eyes, now they bring him food and one time when he needs to use the bathroom the lady from the pawnshop singlehandedly lifts him and carries him to the toilet, his cheeks hurt from blushing and he makes everyone in the room promise to never mention it again. 

They mention it at least four times a visit. 

Sometimes even re-enacting it for the people who weren’t there on the day. 

Ms. Hong laughs the loudly, ignoring Vincenzo’s helicoptering and warnings of her opening her wound, none of it stops her and he watches with soft eyes as the woman easily rests her head on his shoulder when she starts to feel lightheaded. 

They are so sickening obvious sometimes. 

He gets used to the company so days later when he finds himself alone, his insecurities rear their ugly heads. Telling him that they’ve forgotten him and they were only being kind because of Vincenzo and Ms. Hong, they didn’t really care about him or like him and those thoughts muffle his awareness preventing him from hearing the door slide open or the almost unperceivable footsteps that follow. 

“You look better than I expected.” 

He freezes at the voice, staring at his fingers because he’s not yet ready to face her. 

He tried not to notice that she never came with the others, but that was futile and the hole in his chest stretched wider and wider each time they would show up and her glowing figure was missing. 

“Did you hurt your mouth?” 

He smarts at the comment, hurt by her seemingly dismissive attitude to him laying in a hospital bed. 

“Like you care. You never visited before.” 

Instantly he regrets the comment, she owes him nothing. They are nothing after all, barely even acquaintances. This crush is unrequited and he has no right taking out his frustrations on her, he was being too greedy. 

He opens his mouth to apologize. 

“I....... don’t like hospitals. They feel too much like the end.” 

He stills at her chilling words, mouth slightly gaped. 

Was she worried about him? Enough so that seeing him in a hospital bed was too jarring? 

That couldn’t be it. 

Could it? 

“I’m sorry I didn’t come earlier. I always asked about you.” 

A frown is etched into her pretty face and he can’t stand it so much that he blurts out, “ The pawn shop lady carried me to the bathroom once! I have never been so embarrassed, why is she so strong?!” 

She stares at him blankly before a beatific smile dances across her pale pink lips, and he hears her laughter for the first time. 

It is melodic, like keys ringing on a piano and the sound is captivating enough to fill his entire room and he wishes he could bottle it up and listen to it whenever he wanted to. 

She stays. 

Longer than he expected and he tries not to smile too large but it’s hard when she’s shooting him that contagious smile. They watch game shows on a laptop that she pulls out of thin air and he laughs nervously as she explains how she once hacked and ruined the life of a man who wouldn’t take no for an answer when she was a waitress at a bar. 

She’s scary, like most people at the plaza but he’s dangerously attracted to her like a fly to a light. 

He doesn’t recall falling asleep but he mumbles contentedly when he feels her tuck the blanket tighter around his body, soft deft fingers running across his fringe before he succumbs to the pull of unconsciousness. 

“Good night puppy.” 

He doesn’t mean to overhear, wasn’t trying to eavesdrop at all but he saw the light on in Miss Hong’s room and immediately the worst came to mind. 

Han Seok is here to finish the job. 

So he races to the door, ready to defend her by any means even if that means putting his life at risk, again. His hand is on the door knob twisting and silently he pushes the door open, stepping in before realizing there is no danger. 

At least not to them, he can’t say the same for the victims of his brother. 

Vincenzo looks tired, achingly so. 

He feels a pang in his own chest watching the sunken face of the other man as he watches Miss Hong, her eyelashes fluttering wildly in her sleep. He makes to exit the room but the low rumble of Vincenzo’s voice halts him in his track, he has never heard the other man sound so forlorn. 

“This is all my fault. You would have been safe if you never met me.” 

He blinks, taken back at the heartbreaking confession. 

Did Vincenzo truly believe that? That they would have been safer without him? It’s the biggest lie he’s ever heard and he has to bite his tongue to stop himself from responding to the fallacy. 

“You deserve better than me. I am a scum and you....you’re different Cha-young ah.” 

He has never heard the older man call her that before. 

“I should just disappear out of your life, that’s the best gift I could give to you. Leaving you alone and letting you live your life.” 

No. He wants to scream listening to this and he realizes that these words remind him of someone, someone who has had all these thoughts before. 

I am useless. Nobody wants me. It would be better if I disappeared. 

Vincenzo sounds like all of his darkest thoughts, said aloud. He has to grip the door to stop himself from running over to the man and pulling him into a tight hug. He can feel his pain all the way across the room. 

“That would be best for you. But I can’t,” his voice cracks, “Every time I think about leaving you, it hurts. It hurts Cha-young. I want to stay with you. I want to be the one who makes you smile,” He watches his brother gently pick up her limp hand, sandwiching it between both of his. It’s such a tender moment, he should leave. 

“Everyone I loves dies, that’s my fate. My punishment. I had accepted that...before you and Han Seo and my...mom. Now I’m greedy and I don’t want to lose anyone. I don’t want to lose you, please...stay with me.” Vincenzo crumples at the side of the bed, his ungelled hair blocking his eyes now as he lays his head on Ms. Hong’s hand pleading with her and finally he pulls the door open and steps back into the hallway, he doesn’t realize he’s crying until he slips back into his bed. 

When the knock sounds at his door, he calls out with no idea of who could be visiting him, a certain pretty pianist flashes in his mind but he pushes that desire to the back of his mind. 

He sits up at the sight of Ms. Hong shakily entering his room, Vincenzo’s disapproving face flashing in his mind. 

“Ms. Hong you shouldn’t be moving around, hyung would be upset if he saw you.” 

She stares at him with wide eyes and he stares back placidly before realizing what he just said. He slaps a hand over his mouth, remorseful and ashamed. He has never called Vincenzo that in front of anyone else, too embarrassed to see the question on their face and terrified that the other man would deny him in front of others. Maybe Vincenzo wanted to keep this as a secret? Why would he want a needy idiot like him following him around and embarrassing him? His cheeks burn and he brings his gaze to the floor. 

“Don’t. Whatever you’re thinking stop. He calls you his brother too, you are brothers now. Don’t doubt that Vincenzo always keeps his word.” 

He feels naked beneath her stare, shocked at how easily she can see through him. Was he really that obvious? 

“I wanted to talk to you.” 

He gulps nervously, watching at the older women wobbles across the room before gracelessly falling into the chair beside his bed, he reaches out to help her smiling back when she grins at him, he tries not to blush when she pats his cheek in gratitude, the movement all too motherly. 

“What did I do wrong?” He replies, and there is deafening silence before she answers, “You poor thing. Life must have been so hard before, you must have struggled so much.” 

He is completely and utterly unprepared for the words and he cannot stop the tears that well up and collapse at her genuine concern. 

“It's okay. You have us now and we’ll never let him hurt you again.” 

He cries, harder than he ever has before. Longer than he has ever allowed himself to cry, he cries for his youth, for his innocence, for the young Han Seo who just wanted to be loved. His body shakes from the tremors of his sorrow, liquid pain streaming down his face. 

“It wasn’t your fault. You didn’t deserve any of it. You did well, you did so well. I am so proud of you.” 

When she runs a tentative hand across his brow, he chokes on his tears sinking deeper into the bed. 

“I wanted you to know that you are my family too. You saved us both and I can never thank you enough, I would be honored if you considered me a sister too.” 

He lays in disbelief, unable to fathom how he has gained a brother and a sister in such a short expanse of time. There are no words, he nods quickly. Letting his tears continue to fall. 

She lets him cry, a serene smile on her face as he shakes apart in front of her. Softly whispering, “You did so well. I’m so proud of you.” Over and over again, tattooing it into his skin.

Words he has never heard before. 

Words he has longed for all his life. 

Time ticks by and before he knows it, it is nearing midnight. They had simply sat together in solace for hours. 

“You should go get some rest,” he states quietly and for once she doesn’t argue nodding in agreement before squeezing his hand and standing up, only a little wobbly this time. 

“You too. Sleep well Han Seo-ah.” He nods, watching her retreating form as she nears the door and impulsively he calls out, “Noona!” and it feels strange on his tongue, even newer than hyung but his heart warms at the brilliant smile she sends his way, turning back at his outcry, “Hmm?” she replies tilting her head curiously at him. 

“You know don’t you?” 

She stares, head tilting further and he knows she knows exactly what he means. 

“You weren’t sleeping. You heard everything.” 

She doesn’t bother looking surprised, he’s grateful for the lack of charades. 

“You know how he feels. You feel the same. Why won’t you confront him?” 

She stares at the ceiling before locking eyes with him again, “He’s been hurt before, he had a brother once before you know. He tried to kill him.” 

He didn’t know. it’s too familiar. It's the last thing he wished they had in common. 

“He doesn’t let people in because it’s too scary when they leave. You two aren’t so different, he just does a better job of hiding it.” 

He has no comment, there are so many different layers to Vincenzo and he doubts he will never truly understand the enigmatic man. 

“So this is enough for you? You don’t want more?” 

He thinks of Miri and all the baggage that he’s carrying, he has no right to place that on her. It’s better if he stops this thing before it starts right? He has no idea what he can give to another person, is he even capable of love? 

“Yes. This is enough. He is enough, every moment with him is enough.” 

The wind stutters from his lungs, this is the second time he has heard a confession meant for another. 

“What about me? Do you think I can be enough for someone too? Could I someday find someone who cares for me like you care for hyung?” He doesn’t know what has come over him but he waits anxiously for her response, every atom of his body shivering in anticipation. 

“Silly boy,” his heart drops, “You already have someone like that. She comes to see you everyday even though she’s terrified of hospitals.”

“Wha--what?” He stutters out feeling all the blood race to his face, she only smiles broadly in reply mimicking fingers dancing across a piano before sauntering out of his room with a loud chuckle. 

This isn’t over yet. Han Seok is still at large and more people could get hurt but he has never felt safer in his life. He has a family now, one that he fought for with more passion that he thought he had and he has no plans of letting that go, for anyone. 

[prose-for-hire]

Bad to the bone

Part One

Pairing: Spike x Giles!reader

Request: Not really requested. Inspired and suggested by the 🏜 Anon !! This is a second part to ‘Bad boy, lunchable reader’ 

Warning: Bit of a rocky relationship with Dad!Giles, mention of reader feeling a kind of abandonment by him.

A/N: I’m not sure how similar reader is to the original fic (can a reader be ooc lol). I just wanted to show the softer side of their relationship despite the people around them being more hostile. It was really nice re-visting this one !! 

You ran, waiting on the kerb rather than in the house. You knew your dad wouldn’t follow you out. Not after that argument. You tried to just ignore what had been said, as if it had never happened.

You waited for the sun to set, knowing he would come for you as soon as he physically could. Your vampire. Ever since he had told you he loved you, you had been completely loved up. And everyone around you appeared to be against you both for it.

Despite it all, you couldn’t help your heart soaring when you saw him approaching on the motorbike that had suddenly come into his possession.

He grinned when he saw you, dismounting the bike as you walked towards him. He pulled you into a deep kiss. It knocked the breath from your body, his tongue meeting yours with a fierce passion. He always did this as soon as he saw you, just couldn’t resist it. Could never resist you.

He gestured for you to join him and you happily started to sit behind him but he paused you, brandishing something you hadn’t noticed what with his distracting kiss.

“On. Not bloody moving ‘til it’s on” He warned, coaxing the helmet into your arms and stared, waiting. When you didn’t put it on he spoke again, “Come on, stole it special didn’t I?” He encouraged softly. It made you smile when his tone softened that way. He only did it for you. You had always known his heart was softer than it appeared.

“Hey! You don’t even wear one, you’re treating me like a baby”

“Humans have skin. Soft, squishy parts. And you got the softest of all, pet” He said tenderly, moving his hand to rest against your upper arm ,as if in appreciation of said skin, “Can’t have you in harm’s way”

“Fine, but only if I can drive on the way back” You warned, putting the helmet on your head.

“Love-”

“If we crash you can do the hero thing, y’know, save me all vampire-style and kissing me”

“Yeah while all your bones are crushed beyond recognition”

“You… you wouldn’t kiss me if I was smushed into the floor?” You pouted, which made him tense his jaw. He loved you, God he loved you, but you didn’t half ask some stupid questions sometimes. You were so soft and unassuming though, you really wanted to hear the answer. He was a sucker for you.

“’Course I would”

“You mean it? You’re not just saying it?!” You laughed, looping your arms around him still stood beside the bike and pressing yourself into him. Almost hitting him with the extra padding around your head. You closed your eyes, so relieved that he was here.

“Just… come on, pet” He gestured behind him, trying to peel your arms from him. You just smiled a little giddily because you were in his presence and tried to press more kisses to his face through the visor. He looked around, making sure Giles or the Slayer wasn’t around. You weren’t listening so his tone changed a little harder, “Get on the bike or I’ll drive away into the sunset”

“Yeah, dust in the wind” You muttered with a pout but moved to sit behind him. He caught it but didn’t say anything.

You were clinging to him, his waist. He loved having you this way, driving you through the streets. Allowing everyone to get a good look that you were his. You leaned against his shoulder, the tension releasing from your shoulders the further you drove away.

You arrived at his crypt, a place you loved. It was a solace. You were able to love freely here. Without anyone’s unwanted opinions or fists getting in the way.

Nobody accepted your relationship and your dad was the worst. You had argued with him again. Just before Spike came to pick you up. It was becoming almost every day now. You wished you could share how much you adored Spike. How happy you were. How he took you to the library and sat there the entire time you were studying. How he offered such loving comfort. How he was there for you without question, without agenda. He was yours.

This is how you had ended up exchanging more infuriating words with your father.

“Look at him, Y/n, for pete’s sake! He’s bad to the bones of him!” He seethed as you tried to mention casually that you were staying over at Spike’s. You didn’t ask permission seeing as you had lived alone for most of your life until you had moved back in with him again.

“Dad, please, just believe me – I love-” You began, trying in earnest to get him to understand.

“You don’t know the bloody meaning of the world, child!”

“I’m an adult, Dad, I’m not your kid anymore!”

“No, I suppose you’re just some stranger I allow to live here rent free”

“I can leave”

“Then you should do so, as quickly as you can” He had said it in the heat of the moment and instantly regretted it. He was driving you further into Spike’s arms and he only comprehended this as his last syllable pierced the air towards you. Leaving you wounded, fleeing the scene.

Spike took your hand softly in his, guiding you through the grave stones and into the crypt he called home. Nobody would ever believe you if you told them how soft his heart was. All they saw was the big, bad vampire that had crashed into Sunnydale.

But he was good, no matter his faults. He was so good to you. He could get violent, you had seen the evidence from the fights he got into. But he would never let you see that. Wanted to protect you, make sure you were always safe.

He had been so close to trying to hurt your Dad recently. Giles had threatened him away from you. Shoving him hard into the wall upon realising he couldn’t fight back. Spike stood and took it. No matter how angry he got. He would have risked the headache if it hadn’t been for you. His way of proving he wasn’t backing away. He wasn’t going to lose you.

Spike hadn’t told you though, didn’t want to see you cry again. He hated to see you cry. Didn’t want to be the reason you were upset. He’d hide it from you, not wanting you to fall out with your Dad again. He knew how much his approval mattered to you.

It soon became apparent, however, that you were already slightly down. He didn’t press you to talk to him, just pulled you into his side. You had settled on the sofa in his crypt. He had cleaned up again, always swept around the crypt and tried to make it look habitable when you were coming over.

Wanted the best for you. Always.

You leant into his chest, not able to hide your frown now. What your Dad had said was finally sinking in. You didn’t know whether to ask Spike if you could stay here. Or whether this would only make things worse.

But this worry began to dissipate with every loving second you shared with him. You loved his jewellery. He often wore a single silver chain around his neck. You twisted your finger to look his necklace. Thinking, brow furrowing lightly now as you did.

He kissed you softly on the forehead before casting his eye back to the tv as he spoke, “Your old man again?” he questioned, knowing your moods as if they were his own. You just nodded, hiding your face. Nestling into the side of his neck.

He wrapped his arms around you protectively. As if he sought to save you from the world outside the crypt.

This is the man that was entirely bad to the bone. The vampire. A killer. But one who would never harm you, hated even a word said against you. Who would defend you even past his last breath. Who would whisper such tender love. Such sweet affirmations. His poet’s heart sung for you. You had found him writing feverishly. About you. For you.

You couldn’t describe it properly, but with him you felt safe. Safer than you ever had before. Despite everything you knew. He had told you his past in excruciating detail. But you still confirmed your love after. Because of the way he was with you. The way he cared. You knew something had shifted within.

He put something on the television as he pressed such tender kisses against your skin, trying to get you back to face him. God, he loved your face. He pressed his lips along your jaw, small kisses making a path of his love.

“Let me make you feel better, love?” He posed the question innocently but his eyebrow was telling you different. He loved to kiss the pain away. he was a big believer in healing through this kind of affection. He always wished to make you feel his love so intimately. He was the typical bad boy but you loved the bones of him.

Spike latched onto your neck, soothing kisses. Hands slowly roaming. He cherished every inch of you, sliding you onto his lap as he pressed further kisses against your skin. Your lips.

Wanted you to know that he was with you. But you never doubted this. His love always surrounded you. Like a quilt. An aura.

Suddenly this soft moment was shattered. This peaceful moment you held in reverence lost. Buffy had dropped in. Again.

“Get off them! Now!” She barked, an obvious disgust written all over her face. It made you both so uncomfortable. You loved so deeply and yet nobody could see through the attitude. The past he wasn’t ashamed of sharing with you despite always worrying about your reaction. You knew it all now and loved him more for it.

You didn’t understand how everyone else hated him so.

“Buffy, what the fuck!?” You muttered, she always brought this reaction from you now. You sprung from Spike who just moved his head a fraction to lazily glare at the slayer.

“Get up, Spike” She scowled at him.

“You can’t just come by unannounced and start slaying! It-it’s like Spike just coming to your house and starting to bite people at random!” You complained.

“He has done that…” Buffy said, crossing her arms over her chest, “Twice”

“Oh… right” Your brow furrowed a little, you were still getting used to the vampire thing.

“’S’alright pet, only a nibble. Like when I-” He arched a suggestive eyebrow as a heat ran up your face.

“Do not finish that sentence” Buffy warned before turning to plead to you, “Y/n, you know he’s no good. You know what he is. You don’t have to do this, to disrespect yourself this way”

“Buffy, I love him… he’s my boyfriend”

“Apart from the boy part, oh and the friendly part!” She rolled her eyes, “Come on” she grabbed your wrist and started to pull you away with her.

“Buffy, we’re not friends! You didn’t care to even know me until you found out that I was with Spike. This isn’t about me, it’s about… how you feel”

“No. it’s about you breaking Giles’ heart. Have you seen him lately?” She prodded, her tone turning harsh. She had tried to be understanding, played the concerned friend but she had given up.

She couldn’t understand liking Spike without hating yourself for it. Without treating affection as a transaction. He’s a demon. He had done horrible things and appeared to her to have no redeeming qualities. Apart from, admittedly, the fact that he was kind of attractive. Only in the right lighting, obviously.

“Yeah, I saw him thirty minutes ago when he threw me out of his house” You replied firmly. Your softness gone as she had made your life her business. Again. Buffy was so shocked she dropped your wrist.

Spike instantly got to his feet and moved swiftly to your side. His hand on you, he knew what this meant. He knew this would hurt you so much. You had felt distant with Giles for a long time, he moved away to basically raise some other kid. And left you behind. And now this was happening all over again.

You felt abandoned. Like he had created an entirely new family right here. Not made of blood but with the young people he helped all of the time. It was a secret he had kept from you and they had all been in on it. How could your own father make you feel like you were an outsider in your own home?

Spike’s hand was soothing on the small of your back. His eyes only on you. Sensitive to every minute inflection of emotion on your face. His expression held such understanding. Buffy looked between you, faltering only slightly before righting her face. He really did appear to love you. On the surface at least. His eyes didn’t move from you, his eyes glassy as he felt your emotions almost as strongly as you did.

He couldn’t help that swell of hope that you would move in with him though. No matter how concerned he was for you and your troubles, he was overjoyed that you might want to stay with him. To have you, by his side even in the day. To be close to you. Domesticity that he pretended he didn’t crave when you were around.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t realise…” Buffy offered. It was sincere. Of all the things she knew about Giles, she hadn’t expected him to parent like this. It was harsh, much harsher than he was on her even. She appeared to soften, want to offer a hand of friendship.

But Spike was already ushering her out of the door without her so much as collecting up her thoughts before she left. He hurled some choice insults out of the door with her before slamming the door shut.

He immediately moved to your side. Closing the space between you and allowing you to lean against him. He cradled your head whispering hushed assurances. That he would never leave you. That he would always look out for you even if everyone else turned from you. Which was exactly what it had felt like.

He knew this, knew your own thoughts as if they were his own. He didn’t like to admit it, although it was evident to you in abundance, but he was so soft for you. Especially when you were alone this way and you needed him. He was so comforting the gentle nature he shared with you almost made you cry. He continued to reassure you and held you to him through the night.

He wasn’t able to bite back any comments he had on your Dad, ones he had held inside for a while. He had never really liked that man.

Spike, this man who was so bad to the bone was your only comfort. All he wanted was for you to be happy, no matter what. He was soft with you where nobody else had been. He lifted you up, helped you carry on. He was yours.

You did move in with him after this, spending time together. It only made your relationship stronger.

You would make up with your Dad eventually. At your college graduation. He felt guilty, you had very rarely spoken to him since he told you to leave. He was protective, despite you having spent a large portion of your life looking after yourself.

He would never approve of your relationship with Spike fully, despite his assurance that he would never stop loving you because of it. He apologised though for his behaviour, something you hadn’t recalled him saying to you often. And something else.

“I’m proud of you, Y/n” He said, a hand patted yours. Your gasp audible. He had never said that to you before. It had honestly been all you had wanted to hear from him.

You still returned home to Spike though. You wouldn’t want to be anywhere else. He wished so badly he could have been there but it was the middle of the day. He showed you just how pleased he was for you either way when you returned. He was so supportive, even if you hadn’t made up with your father, Spike was all that you needed.

It wasn’t a fleeting love, you were his. For life.

[blxetsi]

Imagine pampering Reiner. I would love to kiss him silly 🙈 is it obvious he’s my favorite character?

id like to kiss him silly too 🤩🤚 tysm for the request !!!

pampering reiner after a long day (modern au)

warnings: taking care of ur man 😁👍 uhh construction worker!reiner (of age, obv), gn!reader, face care n shit idk, cute names like baby and love, mentions of sexual harrasment/assault in a workplace.

living in the city had it ups and downs. well, so did everything in life, but you never really thought about that until you moved into the city. you and reiner both came from a small town, and then went to the same college in a bigger town, before you two decided to move to the big city together. downs happened more often than ups, but anything was an up if you were with reiner. rent was expensive, especially for the shoebox of an apartment you two live in, but youve both made it into your home, a cozy little sanctuary away from the rest of this chaotic world. another down was that the city never sleeps, someone, somewhere was always working, and you too found yourself taking nightshifts at the diner you worked at. it was minimum wage, and middle aged men and women would come in and flirt (more like harass), but your coworkers were nice, and if you made sure to dress up a bit you'd get a fat tip.

you and reiner originally thought that you'd get well paying jobs as soon as you moved into the city, which was a lie. considering the time, effort, and money you both put into getting your degrees, you thought you were more than qualified for certain jobs, but you werent, and that sucked, and now your boyfriend over works himself physically building houses while you let freaks make weirdly sexual comments about you so you can earn more money. it sucks on both ends, but you know that you'd do anything to be with reiner, so you could take a couple of gropes and sleazy jokes.

today you had gotten off work early, your boss closing the store because of a family emergency. you felt bad for the man, he was nice, and offered to switch you to dish duty when he'd seen older people be weird with you, you'd declined knowing that you wouldn't earn as much in the back. he was a family man, and generous, and cared about others, which was a nice change from other employers in the past. you were surprised reiner wasn't home yet, because today was friday, and he usually got off fridays around six, but now it was almost nine, and you were starting to get a bit worried.

just as you started gnawing on your lip, your phone vibrated beside you. grabbing it you saw it was reiner calling you, and quickly paused your episode of shameless to answer. "rei, where are you ?"

"just got off work baby." he sighed.

he sounded exhausted, and you could hear cars honking so you knew he was outside.

"do you need me to come get you ?"

"no, its okay. jack's giving me a ride home."

you let out a breath, at least he didn't have to wait for the bus, getting a ride meant he'd be home faster. "okay my love. you want me to run you a bath for when you come home ?" you knew how sore reiner got from working, and being out in the sun all day. with the weather becoming warmer it would become harder on him, and he'd always forget to wear sunscreen which meant he'd burn.

he let out a soft moan. "that sounds great baby, thank you so much."

you heard talking from his end, assuming it was jack. you tried to keep listening but reiner's voice cut in again. "only ten more minutes and im back to you."

you smiled, getting excited that he'd be here so soon. "okay lovey, i'll get that bath started. i love you."

you could hear his smile on the other end. "i love you too baby, thank you so much."

you quickly said your goodbyes before hanging up, cutting him off. you felt a bit bad but quickly brushed it off as you walked to your bathroom. you got everything together, moving from the bathroom to your bedroom and back again. you set out a clean towel, a pair of sweats and a white tank top for him, as well as a hoodie if he was cold. you filled up the tub, making sure it was hot, before adding a cup of epsom salt and stirring it around with your hand. you got up again, going to the kitchen area of your little home and filling up a cup with a jug of cold water from the fridge. you brought it back to the small bathroom, sitting it on the tank cover of the toilet. he needed to be hydrated.

you were changing the sheets of your shared bed when you heard the from door open, close, then lock. reiner dropped his backpack and toed off his shoes. he hung up his jacket before slowly walking around the apartment, cracking his neck and stretching his arms above his head. "baby ? where are you ?"

"in here rei, just changing the sheets." you called out. you could hear his heavy footsteps make his way down the hall towards you.

he thought you looked beautiful. dressed in just a tee shirt (his tee shirt) and plaid pyjama pants, the lights from the city reflecting all around the room and on your body, a small lamp which casted a soft warm glow around the room, made your eyes shine.

"you don't have to change the sheets baby." he whispered, making his way over to you. he helped you put the comforter over the bed. a simple grey colour, which matched the baby pink sheets and pillow cases.

"i wanted to. you always feel good sleeping in new sheets." you answered, making your way around the bed to him. you wrapped your arms around his torso while he wrapped his around your shoulders, pulling you close and kissing your head. he sighed, and just held you while you rubbed his back.

"your bath is ready, and i left you clothes for you there too." you whispered. he hummed in response before squeezing you tighter.

"i missed you so much." his words were soft, but held a lot of weight, and your heart hurt because you knew he was working himself to the bone.

"it's okay baby, i'm here now."

he nodded before kissing your head again. he smelt your hair, sighing before pulling back to look at your face. "did you shower ?"

"when i got home, yeah."

"okay. i won't be long then."

you shook your head, moving your arms so you could hold his face in your hands. "no rei, take all the time you need. i'll wait for you." you knew that reiner was too tired to fight you on that, so he simply nodded, giving you a soft kiss before stripping down to his underwear and leaving the room.

you put his clothes in the hamper, putting his wallet on his bedside table and plugging his phone in to charge. then you opened up the window so the cool breeze could come in, you knew reiner liked the room to be a bit cooler at night.

slowly you made your way to the bathroom, peaking in to see him in the bath, the water up to his neck as he was almost fully submerged. his eyes were closed and his breathing was slow, you could see his tan lines from working. his muscles that bulged even when relaxed and the crinkles in his eyes from smiling so much, even when he was so young. his stuble which was just a bit darker than his sandy blond hair, and his calloused hands from his labour, wrapped around his torso in a hug. those hands that held you, that protected you, that tickled you, that loved you. you never got to admire reiner often, usually because he'd notice early on and tell you to stop, he'd get all flustered and his face would turn red, getting all blushy that his lover wanted to look at how beautiful he was. and he was, reiner was gorgeous, and its a blessing to call him yours.

his voice was raspy from not speaking for so long. "baby, stop looking at me like that." you could see the apples of his cheeks turn pink while his lips quirked up into a small.

"i can't help it, you're just so pretty." you replied, walking into the small bathroom and closing the door behind you. it took less than two steps to get towards him, and you crouched down beside the tub to look at him closer.

he slowly opened his eyes, like he was in a daze, before peeling an arm away from his body and holding it out for you to take. you grabbed his hand with both of yours, rubbing his palm and fingers while you softly kissed his knuckles. you two never looked away as you did so, relishing in the soft moment together.

he closed his eyes again, and sighed while moving deeper into the tub, making the water go from his neck to his chin, and his long legs stick out of the water at the knees. "you know that face mask you have baby ? the one that peels off and makes your face smooth ?" he asked, his voice echoing throughout the room.

"yeah," you mumbled against his hand. "you wanna use it ? want me to put it on for you ?"

he nodded. you slowly put his hand back into the water before crawling to the cabinet under the sink, reaching for your peel off face mask, you turned around and went back to your love, shifting as close as you could ger before the toilet got in the way, before opening the tube and squeezing some onto your hand. the clear gel felt cool on your finger tips, and you rubbed it along both pointer and middle finger on your two hands, before leaning over the side of the tub and rubbing some on his face. you made sure to keep it away from his facial hair and his eyebrows. after rubbing it in you rinsed your hands off in the bathwater, before moving them to hold reiner's hand again. "if you cant peel some if it off after its dry just rinse with warm water, okay ?" reiner nodded before squeezing your hand. "thank you baby."

you two sat in silence for a couple of minutes, just listening to each others breathing and the slight swish of the water. "i'm gonna make some tea, would you like any ?" you asked.

reiner shook his head. "i'll just steal a sip of yours."

you chuckled before kissing the back of his hand, a smile on your face. "okay my love, i'll wait for you in the bedroom."

he leaned over quickly, grabbing your face with his free hand and giving you a soft kiss, over and over again. his lips were a bit chapped, which caused your own to tickle, but to him it felt great. this was so domestic, so simple, it made him feel safe, it made reiner forget all about his horrible day. all he could think about was you, all he could feel was you.

because of your kiss some of the product from his face mask had transferred onto yours, causing him to giggle before wiping it away with his pruny hand. "i love you so much baby. i'm so happy to be with you." he whispered, his face millimetres from your own.

"thank you rei, i love you too." you responded. you loved him so much, you wanted to spend the rest of your life with him. and you're sure you will.

you pecked his lips before kissing his hand one more time, then you got up and left the bathroom, reiner's eyes on you as you went.

you went about tidying up the living room, putting away reiner's dinner on the table (if he didn't scarf it down when he came in, you knew he wouldn't touch it until tomorrow) turning off the tv and folding up the blanket you were snuggled up with on the couch almost an hour ago.

you quickly boiled your water for your tea, getting out your favourite mug and putting the tea bag in. then you went into your bedroom, where you moved through the open window to sit on the fire escape. the breeze of the night brought with it a chill, and you wished you'd brought that blanket with you. the lights and the cars moving down brought comfort to you. after living here for over a year, the noise became berable to you, just second nature.

you could hear faint shuffling inside the bedroom, before reiner's head popped out of the window. "i was looking everywhere for you."

you gave him a sheepish smile. "sorry my love, would you like to join me ?" he nodded and crawled out of the window too, which was a bit hard considering his long limbs. he sat down beside you, his skin looking soft and smooth, his hair wet and all dressed in his hoodie and sweats.

the two of you huddled together, watching people walk by and cars drive around, looking into the windows of other apartments and stores, seeing if you could see the people inside doing weird things. you two passed the mug of tea between each other, before all that was left was the wet tea bag at the bottom of the cup. reiner reached up and set it on the window sill, before pulling you into his side by your shoulders.

"do your muscles hurt still ?" you asked.

reiner shook his head before replying. "not anymore, thank you again for the bath."

you giggled, turning your head to look up at him, he looked down at your own head, resting on his shoulder, and matched the smile that painted your lips. "you don't have to thank me so much silly, i love taking care of you."

he rubbed his nose against your own. "i love taking care of you too. which is why i was thinking of looking for a new job."

your eyes opened again and he watched your reaction closely. "that tech company near downtown, they're looking for a new software developer. i've already set up an interview, i just didn't know when to tell you." he whispered.

your eyes lit up as you smiled again, leaning up and smacking kisses all over his face. he let out a loud laugh before cupping your face with his hand, guiding your head away from his own so he could speak, but you started talking before that could happen. "i'm so happy for you. i hate seeing you come home so tired and in pain."

he nodded. "and i hate seeing you come home with a new story of some creep making moves on the love of my life." he replied, giving you a soft kiss.

you two sat in silence again. reiner felt happy that you weren't upset about his idea for a new job, he had a degree, and a great mind, and he somehow knew he'd get this job.

"y'know," you started. "that new art museum that opened near the science centre, they're hiring too. said on their website they're looking for tour guides."

reiner pulled you closer to him, if that was even possible. "baby you'd be great at that. you know so many art things."

"'art things?'" you laughed. "yeah, maybe i'll call and see if i could get an interview."

reiner nodded. "that sounds great baby. but tomorrow, your tea made me so sleepy and now i just wanna sleep." you shook your head with a chuckle before pecking him on the lips again.

you two made your way inside, closed the window, and got ready for bed. while you put the mug back into the kitchen sink, reiner took off his hoodie and unfolded the comforter from the bed, ready to get under. when you came back inside you shut off the lamp and got in beside him, where reiner immediately pulled you into his chest.

your head rested on his bare pec, and you could hear his heart thumping. he was calm, content, and happy with you in his arms. and you two went to bed that night with dreams about your future together.

not me going overboard with that one 😁👍 anyways love u all stay safe requests r open 😍🙏

[pazumane-archive]

Closing Time - Asahi x Reader

Characters: Asahi Azumane, female reader, original female character, small Taichi cameo

Relationships: Asahi Azumane x Reader

Genre: Fluff, hurt/comfort if you squint, SFW but 16+ please

Warnings: Alcohol, general drunken shenanigans, emetophobia (mentions of vomit), bad language

WC: 6.4k

Author’s Note: Hi everyone! This is a totally self-indulgent bedtime-scenario-type story because there is simply not enough Asahi/Reader content out there and I adore him. It’s also my first time writing in 2nd person, so PLEASE feel free to send me any feedback, please just be kind :) I really don’t like to use y/n, so I only used it a couple times towards the end when I wasn’t sure what else to do lol

The preview begins with the bolded text below and fic continues after the cut :)

Reblogs appreciated! <3

You weren’t planning on getting this drunk. But by the time it got to be about 11:30, you didn’t know what else to do. You had put so much effort and energy into making yourself look nice just for your date not to show up. Your roommate was out of town, so instead of going home and pouting, you figured you might as well have some fun while you were out. But you’ve never been good at exercising restraint, and the fact that you were alone wasn’t doing you any favors. But by closing time had rolled around, you could hardly see straight. You needed help, so you call upon an old friend.

“Do you have anybody you can call for a ride?” Kawanishi asks.

Kawanishi’s the bartender at this izakaya, and over the course of the night, you spent most of the time talking his ear off. He’s nice enough, and held pleasant conversation for the last few hours. He says he used to be a volleyball player, and had even played on the same team as a one of the guys on the Japan National Team. You forget to ask him which school he attended, but he probably was tired of talking to your drunk ass anyway, so you don’t bother asking. “Yeah,” you say, digging in your purse for your phone. “Are you sure? I can call a cab for you if you need it,” he offers. “Nah,” you say, hiccupping between words. “I’ll call somebody. Thank you though.” “No problem,” he says. “Just try to make it quick.” You scroll through your phone, trying to figure out who to call. Your roommate’s out of town visiting her parents, so she’s a no-go. You could call Kokomi. Honestly, she would deserve the 2AM phone call for setting you up on this failed blind date in the first place. Ever since you moved to Tokyo last month, she was constantly trying to set you up with somebody, whether it was a friend, a coworker, or some rando that she had met on the train. Unfortunately, all of them were jerks. And this one was the biggest jerk of all. You silently curse yourself for going along with her antics again.

“He’s great, you’ll love him!” “You said that about the last three guys you tried to set me up with, Kokomi.” “Please!! You’ll never know if you don’t even give him a chance.”

Well, you gave him a chance. And it ended up with you all alone, drunk as hell in an unfamiliar part of the city. You dial Kokomi’s number, but it goes straight to voicemail. “Bitch,” you mutter. You unlock your phone again and look through to find somebody that might be able to take you home. You scroll back to the top of your contact list, and your eyes settle on another name. He lives just a few blocks away, and knowing him, he’s probably awake working on something anyway. You click on his contact and wait for him to answer.

*

The exhaustion’s starting to get to him. It’s the weekend and he can afford to stay up an extra couple of hours to finish this design, but the combination of fatigue and frustration are taking over. He sets down his pencil and moves towards his bed, until his cell starts to buzz. He glances over at the clock on the wall. 1:49 AM.

Who could possibly be calling at this hour?

Asahi picks up his phone, surprised to see your name on the screen. His heart skips a beat in his chest, both from excitement and nervousness. Aside from his teammates, you’re one of the only people he bothered to keep in contact with after high school. The two of you had even met up a few times since you moved to the city, but he never would have expected you to call at this hour unless… unless something is wrong. “Hey you, what’s up?” He says, choking back a yawn. “Hiiiii Asahiiii!  I tried to call Kokomi but she didn’t answer her phone… could you come pick me up?” Your voice is thick and your words are almost unintelligible as you speak. It’s obvious that you’re far from sober. “Where are you?” Asahi asks, failing to mask the anxiety in his voice. “Are you okay? Are you safe?” “M’fine,” you slur. “But I…” Suddenly the call drops. Asahi calls you back in a panic, his heart racing as he waited for you to answer. You could be in danger and he’d be powerless to help you. He doesn’t even know where you are. “Hello?” A man’s voice comes through the speaker. “Who are you? Where is she?” Asahi asks frantically. “Relax, man. I’m just the bartender,” he says. “Look, your friend’s next to me, but she’s on the verge of passing out. Can you come get her before she pukes all over my bar? She’s at Zoetrope. You know where that is?” “Of course, I’m on my way now! I’ll be there in ten minutes,” Asahi says, grabbing his apartment keys and putting on a pair of shoes. He’s out the door almost immediately.

*

Kawanishi presses your phone back into your hands. Your head is spinning so fast that you struggle to keep your eyes open. “Is he coming?” you ask. “Yeah, he’s on the way,” Kawanishi says. “He’ll be here soon. Now do me a favor, don’t get this drunk the next time you come into my izakaya or I’ll have to kick you out.” “You’re kicking me out???” “Only if you start throwing up,” he says under his breath. “I’m not going to throw up!” you exclaim, suddenly becoming very aware of the churning in your stomach. You grumble, slumping over the bar. You squeeze your eyes shut, the spinning in your head only getting worse with every breath you take. You feel like you’re going to die, and honestly, between the embarrassment of being stood up and the wave of nausea coming over you, you’re ready to welcome that death with open arms. “Hey!” Kawanishi says, smacking the bar next to your head. “Your friend’s going to be here soon, don’t fall asleep or I’ll throw you out on the street myself.” “I’m sorry, Kawanishi-san.” You sit up slowly and cradle your head in your hands once more, trying to make the world stop spinning.

Please get here soon, Asahi.

*

Asahi sprints down the street as fast as he can towards the izakaya. He’s sure that he looks suspicious running down the street alone at night, but he doesn’t care. You’re in trouble, and he’s the only person that can help you. He finally makes it to the bar and hastily pulls the door open. You’re dressed beautifully, and your makeup and hair are exquisitely done. Unfortunately, the way you’re slumped over the bar makes it obvious that something’s wrong. He’s not sure what happened, but whatever it was, it must have been rough. The bartender gently helps you out of your seat, and Asahi can’t help but think that he looks very familiar. You straighten up and as soon as you make eye contact with Asahi, you perk up. “Asahi-san!” you exclaim, rushing towards him and almost falling over. You crush him in an unexpectedly tight hug. “Long time no see, big guy!” “I saw you three days ago,” he says under his breath. You continue babbling unintelligibly, and Asahi looks up at the bartender. “Did she close out her tab?” Asahi asks. “I took care of it already,” the bartender replies. “Please just make sure she gets home okay. She’s had a rough night.” “Yeah, of course,” Asahi says. “Thanks for helping her out.” “No problem.” Asahi peels your arms off him and starts to nudge you towards the door. Just before the two of you leave, Asahi stops and turns back to the bartender. “Have we met before?” he asks. “I played for Shiratorizawa. Didn’t think I’d see you again, Karasuno Samurai.” Asahi frowns slightly. He hasn’t heard that nickname high school, and it’s weird hearing it again now. “Right,” he says. “Well, thanks again. Have a good night.” Asahi leads you out of the bar and down the sidewalk. You hold tightly to his arm, stumbling over yourself. He braces you against his side, and you take this opportunity to tease him a little bit. “Do you like my outfit, Asahi-san?” you ask, pressing into his side. “Yeah, it’s really nice!” he answers nervously, turning his head to hide the blush creeping up his cheeks. He’s not lying – you look beautiful, both your top and your skirt accentuating your curves in all the right places. But it would be wrong to say anything more than that while you’re in this state. That wouldn’t be fair to either of you. He brusquely clears his throat and keeps walking as soon as the light signals that you can cross. “I dressed up extra nice tonight, but it didn’t even fucking matter,” you grumble, your voice breaking slightly. Asahi either doesn’t hear you, or does hear you and decides not to say anything. “I’m soooo glad you’re here,” you say, drawing out your words even longer than you were a minute ago. “I’m sorry, this is super embarrassing! I should’ve figured this out on my own.” “It’s okay,” Asahi says. “How long have you been in Tokyo again?” “A month? I think?” “Exactly,” he says. “You probably don’t know your way around that much. I’d feel terrible if I wasn’t able to help you find your way home.” “Meh,” you say. “I’ve had the worst night of my fucking life, so maybe it would be better if I passed out in a ditch somewhere.” “Do you want to talk about it?” Asahi asks. “No,” you answer quickly. “Okay.” You start blathering again and Asahi has to practically drag you down the street behind him. The station just past his apartment has a train that can drop you right by your building. He can just take a cab back after he gets you home. He considers inviting you stay the night at his place since it’s right there, but he’s afraid of being weird, so he doesn’t say anything. The two of you come to a stop at the train station… which is closed. “I’m sorry,” Asahi says remorsefully. “I guess the train stopped running at midnight. I’ll call you a cab.” He goes to pull his phone out of his pocket, but you grab his hand before he can. “Can I stay at your place tonight?” you ask sheepishly. “I… my roommate is out of town. And I’m really not doing good right now. I just really don’t want to be alone.” Despite how out of it you’ve been since he picked you up, Asahi sees nothing but complete sincerity in your eyes. Tonight must have been really rough. “Are you sure?” he asks. “I’ll just sleep on the couch- or a futon if you have one!” you say, nodding. “Okay.” Asahi turns back towards his apartment and you follow closely behind him, not letting go of his hand the entire time.

*

Asahi helps you across the threshold of his apartment and sits you down on a chair by the door. “Asahi-san, you’re so handsome with your hair down like that,” you say, reaching up to twirl a finger in his long chestnut tresses. “And you’re loopy,” Asahi mutters, disentangling your fingers from his hair. Once again, he finds himself hiding a blush. He’s not used to being showered with compliments, and he knows you wouldn’t be saying this stuff if you were sober. He kicks off his shoes and kneels down in front of you, helping you take yours off. “How are you feeling?” he asks you. “Can I get you some water or a some–” “Why didn’t you ask me out when we were in high school?” you ask suddenly. “I think I made it pretty obvious that I had a crush on you. It’s all I could think about when you were holding my hand back there.” “I – I, uh,” Asahi stammers. You burst out laughing, startling Asahi. It’s that same boisterous laugh you’ve had for as long as he could remember knowing you. You were always self-conscious about it in high school, but your laugh has always been one of Asahi’s favorite things about you. Despite the fact that it’s at his expense, he’s glad to see your mood improve. Asahi considers your question for a moment. He really liked you too back then, and everyone knew it. Suga and Daichi constantly teased him for it.

So why hadn’t he asked you out back then?

Well, for a number of reasons. He spent so much of his third year focused on volleyball that he didn’t have the mental or emotional capacity for much else. He hadn’t even planned on going back to school after graduation until Nishinoya helped convince him to pursue his passions. He felt directionless, and he didn’t want to burden anybody else with his indecision. But most importantly, he was scared you’d reject him. Suga was right. He really was a coward. He’d dated a few people since high school graduation, but none of them made him feel the way you did, and they didn’t treat him as well as you would have. Which begs the question – why hasn’t he asked you out since you moved to Tokyo? He pushes the thought to the back of his mind. This isn’t the kind of conversation to be having when you aren’t even able to form a coherent sentence. Asahi’s thoughts are interrupted by your hand on his shoulder and a loud hiccup. “I should wash my face. Can I wash my face?” “Sure,” Asahi says, helping you stand up. You stumble forward, but he catches you easily and pulls you back to your feet. He quietly leads you to the bathroom and sits you down on the edge of the bathtub. “I’m sorry,” you say. “I’m a mess.” “No, you’re not. Hold on a second,” he says, opening the drawer under the sink. He pulls out a small package of makeup wipes and takes one out. He kneels in front of you and begins wiping the makeup off your face. “I know they’re not great for your skin,” he says. “But it’s better than nothing, right?” “Why do you even have those?” you ask between hiccups. “Do you wear makeup? I mean, it’s obviously fine if you do, but it doesn’t really seem like your thing.” “I don’t, but you never know when they’ll come in handy! I do work with a lot of makeup artists,” he says, somewhat defensively. You get the sense that he’s lying about something, but Asahi changes the subject before you can probe him any further. “So what were you doing there by yourself?” he asks. “It’s not safe to be alone so late at night.” Clearly this was the wrong thing to ask. All the negative emotions and thoughts you were having all even spring to the forefront of your mind, and you start to cry. Asahi starts apologizing profusely, but you wave him off. “It’s fine,” you sniffle, wiping a tear away from your cheek. “Kokomi was trying to set me up with one of her friends, but he never showed up.” Asahi sits back on his heels. Kokomi is another girl from Karasuno that ended up in Tokyo. She wasn’t in the same class as him, but he remembers how loud she always was in the hallways. Honestly, both of you were always loud, but you’ve always been much more considerate of others than Kokomi ever was. “Shit,” he mumbles. “That really sucks. I’m sorry.” “Yeah. It does suck.” Asahi grabs another wipe and asks you to close your eyes. You do as he says, and he lightly wipes off your eye makeup. He’s worked with enough models to recognize that you’re wearing false eyelashes, so he gently pulls those off too. You feel yourself start to wobble on the edge of the tub, so you grip his arm to steady yourself. “I’m sorry,” you whisper. “It’s okay,” he says. “You don’t need to keep apologizing to me.” “Do you think there’s something wrong with me?” you ask suddenly. “Wait, what?” “I just… this keeps happening to me. Everyone always says that it’s because they’re not the right person for me, but it’s starting to feel like there’s just something wrong with me instead,” you say, choking back a sob. “I know I just moved here, but I’m just so lonely. I hate feeling like I’m not good enough.” Asahi tenderly wipes a tear from your cheek and cups your face in both hands. “Hey, look at me. There is nothing wrong with you,” he says sincerely. “That guy is an idiot and a jerk. If he had any idea how extraordinary you are, he never would’ve done that to you.” You can’t bring yourself to look him in the eyes. You don’t feel like you deserve to be spoken to like this – with such genuine kindness and sincerity. Asahi makes you feel so good. So special. He always has. And he’s just so… tender, especially for somebody who looks as intimidating as he does. You wonder if those feelings from high school ever truly went away. You sit up straighter and try to smile at him, but your stomach flips unexpectedly and violently. “Asahi-san?” you ask, gripping his shoulder tightly. “Yeah?” he replies. “Toilet.” Asahi moves out of the way as fast as possible. You hunch over the rim and retch into the toilet bowl. Asahi quickly scoops up your hair and holds it behind your head as you throw up. “Please, just leave me,” you mutter. “I’m gonna fucking die here.” “I’m not going to leave you here and you’re not going to die,” Asahi says, gingerly picking up the last loose strands laying on your neck and holding them back with the rest of your hair. Your back tenses up again before you begin heaving once more. Asahi tucks his nose into the collar of his shirt, careful to make sure that he’s out of your field of vision. He wants to be there for you but he had a weak stomach himself and the sight and smell of somebody else’s vomit is something he knows he won’t be able to handle. You mumble weak apologies between hacks, but Asahi just ignores them and rubs your back gently. After what feels like an eternity, the churning in your stomach finally stops and you reach up towards the flush handle. The exhaustion in your body and heart finally begin to catch up with you, and your hand falls back to your side. “I got it. Do you think you’re done?” Asahi asks, coaxing you back up into a seated position. You nod, too tired to try to speak. Asahi quickly tugs his shirt back down from his face before you can see and closes the toilet lid. “I’m sorry,” you mumble. “Don’t be,” Asahi says, flushing the toilet. “I’m your friend. I want to help you. And I’ve already told you that you don’t need to apologize to me.” Asahi helps you sit on the top of the toilet and rises to his feet. “Don’t go anywhere,” he says, scurrying out of the room. Although your eyes are closed, you still feel your body swaying. More than anything, you just want to go to sleep. Asahi pads back into the room and presses a wooden cup into your hands. “Drink this,” he says, turning on the faucet. Even though drinking something is the last thing you want to be doing right now, you go ahead and lift the cup to your open mouth. Cold water passes your lips and washes away some of the disgusting taste in your mouth. It feels gross, but you force yourself to drink all of it. Asahi takes the cup from your hand and turns the faucet back off. You flinch at the feeling of a damp washcloth on your face. “It’s okay,” Asahi says gently, cradling your chin with his free hand and angling your face up. “Just cleaning you up a little.” You murmur in acknowledgement and Asahi continues to wipe your face down. You almost fall asleep sitting on his toilet, but he gently shakes you to keep you awake. “Stay with me for another minute,” he says softly. “You can go to sleep soon. You’re gonna be just fine. I promise.” His words and his voice are so sweet that you want to cry. A couple rogue tears drip from your eyes and onto his hands. “I’m sorry,” you say once more. Asahi sets the washcloth on the counter and starts to pull you to your feet. You struggle to stay on your feet, so instead, he carefully scoops you into his arms and carries you out the bathroom. You don’t care where you go, you just need to sleep. Asahi’s pretty certain you’re asleep by the time he deposits you on his mattress. Your chest rises and falls slowly as he pulls his duvet over you. He begins to make his way to the couch, but stops when he feels you grab his hand. “Please don’t go, Asahi-san,” you whisper. “Please.” You tug harder at his fingers and he knows he can’t refuse you. He ends up sitting on the edge of the bed holding your hand until you fall asleep.

*

As soon as your quiet snores permeate the silence, Asahi untangles his fingers from yours. He brushes a loose strand of hair out of your face and he can’t help but let his eyes linger on your sleeping face for just a moment. The moonlight trickling through the window illuminates your hair and casts a silvery glow on your skin. Despite the awful night you’ve had, you look absolutely radiant. He feels himself blushing again, but he takes some comfort in the fact that he doesn’t have to try and hide it this time. Not while you’re fast asleep in his bed. He’s far too scared to admit it, even to himself, but he’s fantasized about falling asleep next to you many times before. But in those fantasies you weren’t drunk and crying over another man. Asahi sighs, stands up, and moves over to the dresser as quietly as he can. After setting a few things out for you, he goes into the bathroom, gets ready for bed and heads to the couch for the night.

*

By the time you wake up in the morning, you feel like you’re going to die. You can’t remember what exactly happened the previous night. The last thing you remember clearly was talking to the bartender about high school volleyball, of all things. Your head’s pounding, and your stomach aches painfully, screaming at you to please eat something. You don’t open your eyes, fearing that it would somehow trigger another round of vomiting. Eventually, you force yourself into a seated position and open your eyes. The bedroom you’re in is small, but pretty well-decorated. It’s decently tidy. The only mess is a few crumpled up clothing designs discarded on the floor next to the trash bin.

Designs? Did that mean?

You’re at Asahi’s apartment. In his bed. Your eyes widen in panic.

  What happened last night?

You’re still wearing the clothes that you wore to the bar last night. And there’s no evidence of him ever being in bed with you. You reach over towards your phone, which has been graciously plugged in for you and set on the bedside table. That’s when you notice the note along with a sleeve of crackers and a glass of ginger ale.

Good morning!

There’s a set of clothes you can wear at the foot of the bed and a spare toothbrush in the bathroom. Feel free to take a shower if you want. Extra towels are underneath the sink. Please have something to eat and drink too. You’ll feel better if you do.

-Asahi

P.S. Please don’t feel bad. It’s okay.

You grab a few of the crackers from the bedside table and eat them, washing them down with the ginger ale.

Why does Asahi have to be so damn considerate? The whole situation is so embarrassing.

You contemplate just grabbing your phone and getting the hell out of his apartment, but you’re not going to pass up the opportunity to shower. You finish the last of the crackers, chug down the ginger ale, and grab the spare clothes at the end of the bed. You turn the doorknob as silently as you can and awkwardly creep down the hall towards the bathroom, stopping briefly to peek in the living room. Asahi’s fast asleep on the couch, clad only in pajama pants and a pair of fuzzy socks. His hair is down and messily splayed across the throw pillow he’s resting his head on. Quiet snores pass his lips. He looks cute. Your eyes trail from his face and down to his stomach. Despite quitting volleyball after high school, he seems to have mostly maintained his athletic form, except for a tiny little layer of pudge on his lower stomach. The corners of your lips twitch up into a smile, until that little voice in the back of your mind reminds you of your place.

Quit staring, you perv! You need to get out of here!

You hurriedly continue down the hallway and jump into the shower as soon as you get into the bathroom. You think that maybe if you clean up fast enough, you can get out of Asahi’s apartment before he wakes up. However, as soon as you step into the shower, all worries about rushing out disappear into the back of your mind. You bask in the hot water, the steam clearing your sinuses and relieving some of the pain in your head. You silently thank the gods that Asahi actually uses conditioner, and not just 3-in-1 like most of the other men you were previously…. acquainted with. Although, it makes sense to you that somebody with hair like Asahi’s would have a strict haircare routine. As you shower, fragmented memories of last night start to come back to you.

Being stood up at the bar. Calling Asahi for help. Puking your guts out in his bathroom. Him carrying you into his room and laying you down on his bed. Him staying by your side until you fell asleep. You wishing he would’ve crawled into bed with you and held you through the night… Wait, what was that last part?

As soon as you’re done rinsing the conditioner from your hair, you step out of the shower and swiftly towel off. You find the spare toothbrush Asahi mentioned, take it out of the packaging, and brush your teeth with his toothpaste. The dry, gross feeling in your mouth is quickly replaced with a minty fresh taste. You slip on the sweatpants and t-shirt that Asahi left for you and dry your hair. Thankfully, Asahi isn’t as huge as most people make him out to be, so while the clothes he left out are a bit big on you, you’re not drowning in them. You’ll just bring them back some other day. You start combing through your hair, and that’s when you hear it – the sound of somebody padding around in the apartment. Shit. Once the footsteps quiet down, you rush out of the bathroom and towards the front door. Asahi eyes you as you scoop up your shoes, pushing his glasses up his nose. “Good morning!” he says kindly. “How are you feeling?” “I’m so sorry Azumane-san, it won’t happen again!” you say as you throw open the door and rush into the hallway. “Hold on, wait up!” he says as you pull the door closed behind you. You run all the way to the stairs at the end of the hallway and go to call Kokomi for a ride home. That’s when you realize that your phone is still plugged into the wall in Asahi’s room. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You turn around and trudge back towards his apartment. Before you can even knock, the door opens slowly. Asahi stands there in just his pajama pants, holding your phone out to you. “You shouldn’t leave without your phone,” he says. You thank him and take your phone, a blush creeping up your cheeks. You try not to stare at his bare chest, already feeling like a creep for ogling him while he was sleeping. “Your clothes are still in the bathroom, too,” he says. “I can go get them for you. Or I can just wash them and give them back to you another time if you want to leave.” “No, that’s okay,” you say, covering your flushing cheeks with the collar of his shirt. “I’ll get them. Can I come in?” “Of course.” Asahi steps out of your way and you head straight for the bathroom, avoiding looking in his eyes. Asahi never gets angry, and you know he wouldn’t be mad at you over something like this, but a lingering sense of shame still washes over you. You scoop up your clothes and leave the bathroom. As soon as you cross the threshold into the living room, the smell of coffee and frying fish washes over you. Asahi stands in the kitchen, cooking breakfast. In the time that you were in the bathroom, he put on a Black Jackals sweatshirt and threw his hair into a loose bun. “Do you want a cup of coffee?” he asks, smiling at you and pouring his own cup. “It’ll help with the hangover.” You stand there and ponder his offer for a moment. Sensing your hesitancy, Asahi suddenly turns back to the stove and mumbles something that you can’t quite make out. “What did you say?” you ask. Asahi rubs the back of his neck, a nervous habit he’s had since you were kids. “I don’t mean to pressure you to stay or anything! I just thought it might help for you to have something more than crackers and ginger ale.” “You’ve done plenty to help me since last night,” you say. “But I’ll take that coffee if the offer is still on the table.” “It is!” Asahi says a little too enthusiastically for his own good. You can’t help but smirk as you take your seat at the kitchen table. Asahi pours you a cup of coffee and slides you a bowl of the rice and fish he made. You thank him quietly and start to eat. He slides into the chair across from you and eats his own breakfast, eyeing you carefully. “What?” you ask after catching him staring. “Since when have you ever called me Azumane-san?” he asks. “I don’t know,” you mumble into your coffee mug. “I didn’t think we reverted back from first name basis,” he says. “I thought we knew each other better than that.” “I don’t know,” you say, a devilish smile crossing your face. “Care to explain why you actually had those makeup wipes in your bathroom drawer? I doubt your makeup artists are coming over to your apartment.” Now it’s Asahi’s turn to blush again. “My ex-girlfriend left them here,” he says. “Felt like a waste to just throw them out.” “Ex-girlfriend?!��� you exclaim suddenly, startling Asahi and causing him to drop the wipe on the floor. “I didn’t know you were seeing somebody!” “Yeah,” he says, throwing the wipe in the trash and grabbing a fresh one. “We broke up a while before you moved to the city. She left a bunch of her stuff here and refused to come pick it up. I think she was just too embarrassed to see me again. I got rid of most of it a while ago, but I kept some of the more… uh, utilitarian things.” “I’m sorry,” you say sincerely. “Why did you break up?” Asahi feels a slight pang in his chest. He met his last girlfriend through his job. She was nice enough, and things seemed like they were going okay until he showed up at her apartment to surprise her for their 6 month anniversary, only to find another man in her bed. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to,” you say. “It’s fine. She cheated on me with some other guy,” he says, his expression darkening. “I think they’re engaged now.” “Shit,” you say. “What a bitch.” “Woah, settle down, it’s okay –” “No, it’s not,” you say firmly. “You deserve someone way better than that. Somebody that treats you with the love and respect that you deserve.” Asahi knows you’re right, but he doesn’t really want to press it. That whole mess had done a number on his mental health, and he really doesn’t want to burden you with his emotional baggage. He adjusts his glasses again and forces a smile. “You know, you should really take your own advice,” he says. You try to think back on what you had said to him last night. The details are fuzzy, but you remember crying. A lot. Instead of answering him, you shovel down the last of the rice and fish. “Thank you for the meal,” you say. Asahi smiles and nods at you before beginning to clear the dishes away. You stand up and stop him, insisting that you clean up yourself. As you finish drying the bowls, your phone buzzes. You check it, only to see a handful of missed texts from Kokomi.

Ono Kokomi [8:32} Hey!! Sorry I missed your call. How was he?  (°◡°♡) [9:14] That good?  (^.~)☆ [9:18] Or that bad?! (;;;*_*) [9:57] HELLO?? (ﾉಥ益ಥ)ﾉ [10:32] ARE YOU ALIVE?!?!?!  〣( ºΔº )〣

You roll your eyes and quickly type out your response.

Y/N [10:33] Yeah, no thanks to you. (￢_￢;)

Ono Kokomi [10:34] Was it really that bad?

Y/N [10:34] He didn’t even show up. (╥_╥) [10:34] Azumane picked me up at 2 AM because I was too drunk to go home alone. I stayed the night at his place. [10:34] Speaking of which, can you come pick me up? Not really in a state to take the train and I think you owe me one.

Ono Kokomi [10:35] (⊙_⊙) [10:35] Spill. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Y/N [10:36] There’s nothing to spill. I threw up in his bathroom and he slept on the couch. Can you just answer my question please? (҂` ﾛ ´)凸

Ono Kokomi [10:36] Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m on my way, lovebird. (￣ε￣＠)

“Everything okay?” Asahi asks. “Yeah,” you say, slipping your phone back into your pocket. “Kokomi’s going to come pick me up.” “Are you sure? I can take you if you want,” he offers. “Yeah, she’s already on her way,” you say, setting the bowl down and turning to face him. “Besides, you’ve done more than enough for me already over the last twelve hours.” You silently pick up your things and walk towards the door. Asahi rises from his chair and awkwardly clears his throat. “Do you have all your stuff?” You nod and smile. Before you open the door, you approach him and wrap your arms around his waist. He shyly hugs you back, hoping you can’t hear the rapid pounding in his chest. “Thank you, Asahi,” you whisper. “You’re amazing.” You let go first and leave his apartment quietly. As soon as the door closes, Asahi walks back into the living room and flops down on the couch. He covers his face with his hands and groans. This morning was almost too much for him – seeing you in his clothes, eating breakfast together, you hugging him before you left. It was all so painfully domestic, and he wishes it didn’t have to end. If only he wasn’t such a coward, he would’ve asked you to stay longer. He doesn’t know how long he lays there until he finally decides to get moving for the day and finish that piece he was working on when you called last night. He checks his phone and sees your name pop up on the screen.

Y/N [11:00] I’m home. Thanks again for babysitting me last night. Whatever did I do to deserve you as my guardian angel? ଘ(੭ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ✩‧₊˚ [11:00] Or was that Noya-san? I forget. (^ω~)

Azumane Asahi [11:01] Lol. You’re welcome. And that was what we called Noya in our club days, but I don’t mind you calling me that too (* ^ ω ^)

Y/N [11:03] Let me make it up to you. [11:04] Come over for dinner tomorrow night?

Asahi almost drops his phone on his face. His fingers fumble as he types his response. He waits a moment before sending it, rereading it ten times to make sure he doesn’t come across as desperate.

Azumane Asahi [11:07] I’d love to. Do you want me to bring anything?

Y/N [11:08] That’s not necessary. I owe you a nice dinner. [11:09] You still like tonkotsu ramen?

Azumane Asahi [11:10] I do!

Y/N [11:11] It’s a date! See you tomorrow! (☞°ヮ°)☞ ☜(°ヮ°☜)

*

“You said nothing happened last night,” Kokomi says, staring over your shoulder at your phone. “Nothing happened, Kokomi. Now leave me alone,” you snap, tossing one of your throw pillows at her. She deftly catches it and plops down on the couch next to you. “Please,” she says, swatting you with the pillow. “The only reason you two haven’t gotten together is because you’re the densest people on the planet. I bet he’s flopped down on his couch right now thinking about how he doesn’t even want to wait that long to see you.” “Shut up,” you grumble. Kokomi’s phone rings and she quickly checks it. “Anyway, I have to go meet Kaito,” she says. “Got to go. Let me know how your date goes!” She waves and practically skips out the front door. You lay down and start making a shopping list for ingredients for tonkatsu ramen. As soon as you’re done, you set your phone down and cross your arms over your face.

“I bet he’s flopped down on his couch right now thinking about how he doesn’t even want to wait that long to see you.” No, Kokomi. That’s me.