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pookha · 8 months

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Dream With Me Chapter 10

December 1998

Luna is concerned that Hermione is headed for burnout. Hermione gets an office visit from Luna, then a very distraught Dennis Creevey. Hermione makes some hard choices. Job offers come in the mail, as does a proclamation that Hermione is to receive an Order of Merlin that comes with a monetary reward.

The tag on the parcel said consider this an early Christmas present It was surprisingly expensive -Harry. Hermione opened it and stared at the tiny bottle. She opened it, suspecting what it was already, and when she saw the lump of waxy stuff inside she knew for sure that Harry had bought her a chunk of ambergris. She’d mentioned to him that her vial of Attar of Dreamless Sleep was nearly empty and she suspected Luna had run out since she’d found her sleepwalking and trying to open the exterior doors to their suite several times over the last week.

She looked at the clock: she had just enough time to brew a Potion of Dreamless Sleep before class. She thought about making an attar like Luna had, but she wasn’t confident of the recipe and didn’t have any stabilised yarrow either. She wanted to surprise Luna, but the better course would be to give the ambergris to Luna and work with her to make the attar. It would be a better use of the resources. Instead, she set up the stuff she’d need later to brew their Birth Control Potion and she’d make it after Charms that afternoon, but before her office hour.

She sat on the couch, exhausted. Her Ancient Runes homework had taken her most of the night and then she’d worked on her Defence wandwork until early in the morning. She closed her eyes just for a second and woke to Luna shaking her. She hadn’t heard or felt her come in.

“You missed Charms and it’s almost time for your office hour,” Luna said.

“Shit!” Hermione stood and shook out her arm which was numb from sleeping on it.

“You’re pushing yourself too hard and taking too many classes,” Luna said. She went to the icebox and got a Vitamix potion from it. It was Luna’s recipe, so it wasn’t as toxic, but it also wasn’t quite as energising, which Hermione thought was a good tradeoff. She handed it to Hermione who gagged it down: nothing would hide the foul taste.

“Thanks,” she said and started to gather her books to take to her office. Luna put her hand on Hermione’s arm.

“I’m serious. I think you should drop a class or two. You know you don’t have to take the class to sit the NEWT test. I think you’re far enough along that you could drop Ancient Runes and History of Magic and still get an E on your NEWTs.”

“I—I can’t,” Hermione said and tried to shake Luna’s hand off. Luna gripped her harder.

“Neither of those is required if you’re serious about becoming a Healer and if you’re just doing it for yourself, that’s not a good enough reason. I know you’re driven and have to prove yourself, but you don’t have to prove yourself to me or your friends.”

Luna let go of Hermione’s arm and Hermione went to her office. She closed her door and put her head in her hands. Luna’s words swirled around and around in Hermione’s head. Did she want to be a Healer? Was it needed to study memories? Was she just doing it for herself? Tears leaked around her closed hands and she sobbed. A knock came at the door. She wiped her tears on a handkerchief and said, “come in.”

Luna came in and closed the door behind her. She silenced the room and sat across from Hermione.

“I need some advice, Miss,” Luna said and Hermione smiled wanly.

“Go on.”

“I have a friend and she’s pushing herself too hard. I’m afraid she’s going to crack. She’s taking too many classes and some of them don’t even apply to the career choice she’s made. I know it’s okay to want to do things for yourself, but how can I talk to her about slowing down? That it will always be possible to study more after school?” Luna reached over the desk and took Hermione’s hand.

“She’s my friend and I love her and don’t want to see her hurt.” She squeezed and Hermione returned the squeeze.

“Well, Miss Lovegood, you’re always honest, so honesty is the best policy. Tell her you’re worried about her and you want to help.”

“I’m worried about you and I want to help,” Luna said. She pulled Hermione’s hand to her lips and kissed it.

“I—” Hermione was interrupted by a knock at the door. Luna let go of her hands and stood up.

“I’ll be in our rooms,” Luna said and left.

Dennis Creevey stuck his head in the open door.

“May I come in?” he asked in a wavery voice.

“Of course,” Hermione said. Dennis came in and sat down across from her where Luna had just sat. Hermione closed the door with her wand.

“I can’t do it anymore,” Dennis whispered.

“What’s wrong?” Hermione asked.

“It’s too much. Everywhere I go, I see him.” Now Dennis was crying.

“Colin?” Hermione asked and Dennis nodded.

“I can’t concentrate on my classes. I don’t know if I even want to be a wizard anymore. Magic scares me.”

“I—” Hermione started to say.

“I know that my magic and my memories can be removed. I—I want to do that. I just want to be a Muggle and live with my parents. I want to forget about magic, Hogwarts, and my brother. I don’t want my parents to always remember that he died in a war.” He was blubbering now, his nose running.

“They didn’t want me to come back and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to, but I did, and it was a mistake. I can’t anymore.”

Hermione stood and moved her chair next to Dennis’s. She put his hand on his shoulder.

“If that’s what you really want, then it can be done, but I don’t think they’ll let you remove your magic until you reach your majority. You’re free to leave Hogwarts whenever you want. I—what would Colin have wanted you to do?”

Dennis looked up at her through red-rimmed eyes.

“He’d want to stay, but it’s what killed him. I don’t love magic like he did.”

Hermione thought back: Colin showing Dennis everything and wonder in Dennis’s eyes. She knew that he had loved magic once, no matter what he said now.

“I can’t make this decision for you, but I wish you’d stay out the year. Decide at the end of the year; you’ll be sixteen?” It was a question and he nodded.

“The Ministry has people who specialise in Memory magic and they can do that if you really want it. But, like I said, they won’t do it until you turn seventeen.”

She sighed.

“Wizards aren’t good at—at—at mental health, but if you take the year off from Hogwarts, get some help from a Muggle therapist. I—if you ask Harry, he’d probably pay for it if you need it.”

“I don’t want his money!” Dennis shouted and yanked away from her. He put his head back in his hands and cried. Hermione’s tears came back. When he heard her crying also, he looked up.

“I have nightmares, too. I lost my parents in the war to something that was my fault,” she gave him a half-truth.

“They’re not dead, but I can never see them again,” she said, being more honest.

“I can’t tell you too much more, but I understand. I can’t know what it’s like to lose a brother, but I lost a lot of friends in the war. I was tortured.” She turned her arm over so he could see her scar.

“But, I’d do it all again if I could. Maybe something could have been done better, but if I remove my memories, I’d feel like I was forgetting and dishonouring those who died. I didn’t know Colin well enough to know if he’d want you to forget or to carry on, but by remembering him, you keep his memory alive.”

She sighed.

“Luna’s better at this than I am, and I think she knew Colin better.”

He glared and she held up her hands.

“I’m not trying to pass you off to her, just saying talk to her, also.” She patted his shoulder awkwardly.

He got up and left without saying anything more. Hermione moved her chair back behind the desk and cried until her hour was up, then she wiped her face and went to the Headmaster’s office.

“Miss Granger, what can I do for you?” Professor McGonagall asked, indicating she should sit.

Hermione sat and sighed.

“I—I want to drop History of Magic and Ancient Runes,” Hermione said.

“I’m not surprised; you’ve been pushing yourself hard. I think this is a wise decision.”

“Luna told me we can sit the NEWT exams even if we’ve dropped the classes?” she asked, even though she knew it was true.

“Of course. Miss Lovegood is going to sit Ancient Runes also, even though she hasn’t taken the class this year or the last. She scored an ‘O’ on her OWLs and I expect she’ll do the same on her NEWTs. I also expect you will do the same.” Professor McGonagall smiled.

“I always wanted to be the best and brightest, the top of the class, you know?” Hermione said and the tears started flowing again. Professor McGonagall offered her a handkerchief, but Hermione shook her head and conjured one from a pocket.

“But, Luna’s right. She’s right about a lot. I didn’t think I could live with her as a roommate, but she’s helped me this year. Thank you.” Hermione started to stand, then thought of Dennis and sat back down.

“Dennis Creevey came to me today and told me he wants to leave Hogwarts and have his magic and his memories removed. I asked him to see the year through and if he feels the same after the year is over to take next year off and get some help from Muggle therapists. Luna’s way better with people than I am and I asked him to talk to her, too.”

“I’ll talk to him, also,” Professor McGonagall said.

“Tell me about you, now,” she told Hermione.

“I’ve changed my mind from our career advice talk. I want to become a Healer, but I’m worried that I don’t have what Muggles call ‘bedside manner’ and that I won’t be good at it. I want to study memory and Memory Charms in particular. You know what happened with my parents?”

Professor McGonagall nodded.

“I removed Xenophilius Lovegood’s memory from a meeting with us also and Luna says I didn’t harm him, but I can’t know for sure. I want to fix it, I want to atone…” she wailed the last word.

“You don’t need to atone,” Professor McGonagall said sternly. “You only need to do your best.”

“Thank you,” Hermione said and stood.

“I’ll talk with your professors and let them know you’re dropping their classes.”

“Thank you,” Hermione said again and left.

When she got back to her rooms, Luna was working at the Potions table. The Birth Control Potion that Hermione had planned on making earlier was done and sitting in vials on the table. Luna was almost done making the Attar of Dreamless Sleep.

“I wanted to help you with that,” Hermione said.

“I’ve got it. You can help me decant in a few minutes.” Luna turned back to her work.

Hermione flopped heavily on the couch.

When she saw that Luna wasn’t at a critical point in the attar she said, “I took your advice and dropped Ancient Runes and History of Magic.”

“Good,” Luna said.

“I was worried about you. I meant what I said earlier.”

“Which part?” Hermione asked.

Luna turned briefly and met her eye.

“All of it. Help me with this now, please.” She pointed at the two waiting vials.

Hermione put a Quick-Cooling Charm on both of them and held them out while Luna spooned the attar into them. Luna’s hand was sure and steady as always and Hermione was suddenly glad she hadn’t made the Birth Control Potion earlier; she didn’t think her hands would have been as steady.

“Thank you again,” Hermione said.

“You’re welcome. I saw you had all the ingredients laid out and thought I could make it again this month and give you a break. Then I went to Professor Slughorn and asked if I could take some more stabilised yarrow. He knew we were making the attar again, and asked about us.”

“What did you tell him?” Hermione asked, her voice shook.

“The truth, that both of us were having nightmares and sometimes we needed a night with no dreams. He told me I should see a friend of his at St Mungo’s who specialises in dreams.” Luna finished cleaning her cauldron and utensils and sat next to Hermione on the sofa.

“Did you get his name?” Hermione asked. Luna nodded.

“Her name is Miranda Ippos and she works in one of the closed wards.” She held out a fancy, almost Victorian-style calling card.

“May I have that?” Hermione asked.

“I kept it for you,” Luna said and Hermione took it. Her fingertips burned where they touched Luna’s. Hermione went to her bedroom and put it away in her pack. When she came back out, Crookshanks followed her. He went to eat and Hermione sat down next to Luna on the sofa again.

“Was Dennis okay?” Luna asked and Hermione shook her head.

“He’ll probably come see you. I asked him to.” She filled Luna in on what Dennis had said.

“I think you handled that well,” Luna said and Hermione laughed.

“How did you know I was going to ask that?”

Luna put her hand over Hermione’s.

“You have a big streak of self-doubt about some things and I could read that’s what was bothering you.” She squeezed Hermione’s hand and Hermione gripped hers tightly.

“I told McGonagall that I want to become a Healer and then study Memory Charms especially and she seemed supportive. Over Christmas break, I’ll go talk to Miss? Mrs? Ippos.”

“I think it’s Miss, but I don’t know for sure.” Luna started to pull her hand away and rise, but Hermione tugged it back.

“I—I wanted to talk about something you said earlier…”

They heard the unmistakable sound of an owl’s wing fluttering at the window a few seconds before it knocked with its beak. Hermione sighed inwardly as Luna stood and went to the window. When she opened it, five owls flew in. Four of them obviously were Ministry owls. The other owl pushed forward to Hermione first and dropped its letter in her hand. She saw the gilt band on the owl’s leg and knew it was from Gringotts even before looking at the letter. Luna put down owl treats and water on the workbench. The Gringotts owl let Hermione stroke it before it went to eat. It hooted ill-temperedly at the other owls. One by one each of the other owls dropped their letters in Hermione’s hand.

They all queued up for treats and water after the Gringotts owl and one by one they flew back off through the window.

Hermione opened the letter from Gringotts first, expecting it to be a lawsuit for damages from their escape. Instead it was a job offer. They wanted her to fill a role of representative to the Ministry. Hermione tried to read between the lines and guess based on the very attractive salary to find out if it was a sinecure or not, but she wasn’t familiar enough with Goblins and Gringotts to decide. She’d ask Bill his opinion later.

The next three letters were offers from various Ministry of Magic Departments. They all had similar salaries and job expectations. The one from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures was mildly interesting, but not up her alley at all. She handed that letter to Luna.

“Is this something you’d be interested in?” she asked.

Luna read the letter while Hermione read the one from the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. It had been handwritten by Kingsley, which gave it a more welcoming tone, but she hadn’t changed her mind and wouldn’t take the offer. She didn’t fancy being an Auror or an investigator.

“This job is regulating and inspecting; I wouldn’t be interested in it. I want to work with the creatures themselves, not enforce restrictions.” Luna handed the letter back to Hermione.

The offer from the Department of International Magical Cooperation promised quick promotion, but having seen what Percy did at his job, Hermione wasn’t interested in it. The last letter was from the Ministry of Magic itself and didn’t have the feel of a job offer. Just as Hermione was about to open it, there was another tapping at the window. Luna opened it and another owl flew in and dropped a similar letter in Luna’s hand. Luna fed the owl a treat and it flew away toward the owlery.

“What do you think it is?” Hermione asked, holding up her letter.

Luna smiled enigmatically.

“I already know,” she said.

“How…?” Hermione started to ask, then stopped knowing she’d always wonder how Luna knew some things.

“This time it’s because I ran into Harry on the way to Professor Slughorn’s and he’d just received his letter.”

“Oh,” Hermione said, now thinking she knew what was inside it.

“Open it,” Luna urged and Hermione slit it open carefully.

It was a proclamation. She was going to receive an Order of Merlin, First Class for her actions during the war. The ceremony was going to be at Hogwarts just before they left for Christmas break. She started to put the letter away to finish later, but Luna took it from her and made her read a part near the bottom. There was also a reward of 5000 Galleons. Hermione couldn’t help but do quick maths and realised she would be able to take a year or more off work if she was careful with money.

“I didn’t know that it came with a monetary award,” she said.

“It doesn’t usually, mine didn’t,” Luna said, looking at her letter.

“It didn’t?” Hermione asked, shocked. Luna shook her head and they exchanged letters. Luna’s read exactly like Hermione’s except for the money.

“I wonder why…” Hermione started to say.

“I’m pretty sure only you, Harry and Ronald will get money. Harry also received 5,000 and I’ll bet Ronald did, too.” They exchanged letters and Hermione just stared at hers for a moment before folding it carefully and putting it away in her pack.

“I’m not going to lie; I need the money, but I wish you and Ginny and Neville got it, too.” She put her hand on Luna’s and squeezed.

“It’s all right. I won’t need the money. I’ll have a job that pays well.” Luna smiled, but having lived with her, Hermione thought it was a strained smile.

“Oh, have you got an offer already?”

Luna shook her head, squeezed Hermione’s hand back and released it.

“No. But, I’m sure I will and I’m pretty sure I know exactly which one I’ll accept.” Luna stood and went to her room, followed closely by Crookshanks. Her back was stiffer than usual and Hermione wondered if she’d offended her somehow. Luna’s door closed with a firm click.

Luna came out of her room just before dinner.

“I—did I upset you earlier?” Hermione asked from the armchair where she was studying.

“No, why do you ask?” Luna asked, tilting her head.

“It was just the way you went off to your room and closed the door and your back seemed stiffer. If I said something wrong, I’m sorry.” Hermione marked her place in her book and stood.

“It wasn’t you or the letter. I just suddenly felt sad and wanted to be alone…except Crookshanks knew I wouldn’t mind his company. He’s a really good kitty. Ready to go down to dinner?”

Hermione nodded and they went down together. Harry and Neville met them outside the Great Hall.

“I assume you both got your letter?” Harry asked and Hermione laughed.

“I got, like, five letters, which one?” she asked disingenuously.

“The Order of Merlin one,” Harry said and Neville nodded.

“You got more?” Neville asked.

“Job offers. One from Gringotts and several from Ministry departments.”

“Hermione’s Order has a monetary reward,” Luna said.

“Mine too,” Harry said. “I’m going to donate mine to the widows and orphans fund; I don’t need it.”

“I didn’t get any money, but I wasn’t expecting an Order of Merlin First Class,” Neville said.

“I—am I bad if I want to keep the money?” Hermione asked.

“No,” Harry said at the same time that Luna and Neville shook their heads.

“I think Kingsley knew you were skint and the award was mostly for you. Ron and I got it just to make it seem equitable.”

“Oh, I’m glad to hear Ron got it, too,” Hermione said and Harry squinted his eyes at her.

Luna looked at Harry, then Hermione. She took Neville’s arm and half-dragged him into the Great Hall.

“You didn’t contact him when you got your letter?” Harry whispered and Hermione shook her head.

“I was with Luna and got distracted by her letter and I was surprised to see money and I…” she trailed off.

“Something I said upset Luna and she went off to her room and closed the door. It didn’t seem like her. At least Crookshanks was in there with her.”

“Hmm,” Harry said and put his arm around Hermione.

“I’m sure whatever it was, you’ll work it out.”

“I hope so,” Hermione said, her gaze on Luna sitting down at the Ravenclaw table. Neville kissed her on the cheek before he went to the Gryffindor table.

“Ginny and I got offers today, also. Kingsley offered me Auror again, but I’m still not going to take it. I’m going to sign with Caerphily and Ginny’s got an offer from the Harpies. We’re both going to be in Wales together that way.”

“Pob lwc ,” Hermione said with a laugh. She hugged Harry tightly.

“Hey, that’s my boyfriend you’re hugging,” Ginny’s voice came from behind her. Harry and Hermione both reached back and pulled her into the hug.

“Congratulations!” Hermione said and Ginny smiled.

“I’m excited and terrified at the same time. Holyhead said they really wanted me.” Ginny broke the hug and took Harry’s hand.

“Portree offered me more money, but I wanted to be near Ginny as much as possible.”

“I—I’m going to enter the Healer program after Hogwarts, so I guess I’ll be in London,” Hermione said.

“Oh? Going to move in with Ron?” Ginny asked and Hermione’s face fell.

“I—I don’t think so. I do love Ron, but I don’t think we’re right, right now.”

Harry squeezed her shoulder and Ginny looked her in the eyes. Ginny saw something there because she broke her gaze and just said, “okay then.”

When she got back to her room late that night after Head Girl duty with Blaise and studying in the library, she immediately pulled out parchment and wrote a letter to Magda. Luna’s light snores from her room said she was already asleep. Hermione wanted to do something special for Luna and if she did it now, it might be ready by Christmas.

The rest of the term went quickly and the day of the ceremony came. Hermione had helped Harry and Ginny write their short acceptance speeches. They’d asked that the ceremony be small and Kingsley had granted that as much as he could. It took place in the Headmaster’s office, which was crowded with officials, the recipients, professors and two photographers.

Dennis Creevey pushed his way between Hermione and Harry.

“I wish I didn’t have to be here,” he whispered to Hermione. He was there to receive Colin’s Order of Merlin for his family. Colin’s photographs from the Battle of Hogwarts had been leaked to the press and published in the Daily Prophet and the Quibbler.

“Yeah, I get that,” Hermione whispered back. Then it was too busy to talk. They all received their plaques, official scrolls, and letters of credit at Gringotts for the ones who’d received money. Dennis shook as he was handed Colin’s awards. Harry and Hermione were rocks. Ron hadn’t come; he couldn’t get away from his training as the Aurors were too busy preparing for the upcoming Death Eater trials. He’d said he’d already received his award in a private ceremony with Kingsley.

The next day, the ride on the Hogwarts Express was sombre in their cabin. When Hermione got to the Burrow, a large parcel from Flourish and Blotts was waiting for her. She smiled.

“More books?” Harry asked and Hermione nodded.

“Untamed Bronco or more research?” he asked.

“A little of both. Also, some Christmas gifts,” Hermione said. She took the parcel and went to her room. Magda’s letter was sweet. She took Hermione’s turndown of the date well and ‘just friends’ seemed to be on the table. Hermione looked at the books in the parcel and smiled again. Luna would love these, she was sure. She took a small Muggle paperback entitled, ‘Breaking the Stallion, the sequel to Untamed Bronco’ and a thicker book titled ‘Introduction to Healing’ from the box. She put ‘Introduction to Healing’ on the bedside table and started reading ‘Breaking the Stallion.”

That night she dreamed of Viktor shirtless on a horse. He swooped in and lifted her onto the horse’s back in one motion. They impossibly made love on the horse as it galloped and she woke up sweaty and unfulfilled. A Silencing Charm and a Privacy Charm and then she took care of that with Viktor's and Magda’s faces both swimming through her fantasies.

#hp femslash #luna x hermione #hermione x luna #order of merlin #dennis creevey

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