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iam-back · 25 days ago

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A Review of Vinny's Quality DOS Games 1

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We begin the stream with a little game called...

[KOR] Duck | Also known as Bulsaejo Duck by D.Swizzy's little folder, this one is a Galaga-esque. It seems right up Vinny's alley, being about a duck and all. And when I say Galaga, I do mean Galaga. Look at the way the enemies swirl around! And look at the enemies themselves! You got little ships, little wheels, big blue-and-red worms with yellow heads, individual segments of said worms, big bees...

The duck himself seems to be a robot, given how he explodes into screws when he dies. Says to me that the story is about this robot duck who flies above Busan or Seoul or that culture village and blasts down whatever may come in his way. If you don't shoot for a bit, a shield forms around you, which you can turn into a big energy-blast by resuming fire. You also have 7 backup ducks, which Vinny, not being the best gamer in the world, loses all of them.

[CHN] Act of Fighter | Tragically misnamed Action Fighter (no Vinny, this is not that Spy Hunter copycat game for Master System), Vinny can't get past the copyright protection. In a Trio of Trash stream much later on (that includes the hidden gem Toonstruck), we finally see what it looks like - and it seems to be a fantasy-themed Tetris-esque game. Moving on to...

[KOR] Zis: The Adventure | "Ablex~" This is the game studio which brought you Little Witch and Hades, and now this! I mean Zis! Meet Zis, the lovable little rascal whom nobody knows about, otherwise they'd call him a Korean Dennis the Menace. Apparently it gives Vinny the dèja vú. The first thing he sees is the copyright protection - or "Password Check" as the game calls it. You're thrust into a little playground where you must shoot these enemies in this order (p9n4, p3n2, p4n2) - or since D.Swizzy did a little wizardry, Vinny just shoots whichever enemies in whatever order, and he's off!

Zis never shuts up - when he stands still he goes "la la la la", when he accomplishes certain things he giggles, when he collects the little diamonds he says "mmm", when he climbs up onto the things he yells "YABBO" at the top of his lungs. Apparently the gameplay tune sounds alarmingly like the Donkey Kong Country theme, at least to Vinny. But I'm more concerned with the title screen reminding me of Mega Man X!

We're thrust into a cutscene of Zis relaxing by the river, when he should come across a map in a bottle that will take him all across Lisnia in order to find... something. I'm not fluent in Korean. The first level is apparently called "Slowly Forest", and it's there that Vinny starts to ramble about how DOS platformers are never good (apparently ignoring Commander Keen), aside from The Great Giana Sisters, which is a slapdash bootleg Super Mario Bros to everyone else!

His eye's a bumhole, his finger's a chode, and his weapon of choice is a slingshot, which becomes a yoyo when he finds a watermelon and wears his bunny suit. By the way, there's an owl who shoots an arrow at your health meter, which I'm just now realizing might work like the Gloom in Tears of the Kingdom, unless I got to actually play it for myself and see otherwise. Unfortunately, after that Vinny can't figure out how to yoyo up (if one can), and so he leaves the game on Zis singing what sounds disturbingly like the Thomas the Tank Engine theme!

[CHN] Battle Europe | After a bit of Wiseau and an oopsie-crashie, we see that this is a game about tanks and stuff - you can play as Allies or Axis. This one plays decent if you don't have Hearts of Iron and don't mind slow framerates, but brace yourself for the worst horn and drum known to MS-DOS. There's a bom (sic) you can collect which can summon an airstrike missile to wipe your screen, but Vinny doesn't seem to think it did anything. Spoilers - it reduced the number of enemies by 3! Oh, there was a shi that he failed to notice, he coulda used it to protect himself for a bit. He also realizes you can shoot down your own base and fail the mission on purpose, which brings an end to the European battling.

...Have you noticed that the same drums and same horn are in the DOS port of Street Fighter II? I have.

[CHN] Battle of the Martial Arts | Once upon a time, a kindly old monk-esque character by the name of Shau Ling was going on a calm afternoon walk in a thunderstorm. Except it wasn't afternoon, it was like midnight or something! Lesson learned, kids, never go outside at night during a thunderstorm - you could be killed, in this case by this evil wizard with a murder-palm-blast technique.

The game itself is one of a strangely prolific amount of 1v1 fighting games - look, I know I mentioned Street Fighter II earlier, but gee beasties, the game created a lot of competition just by existing! Anyway - Vinny picks Hua Shan v.s Gai Bang (!!!!!!!) in the forest. A comment below mentions his apparent brother Gang, but I know how Chinese nomenclature works and so I realize it would then be Gai Gang.

Hua Shan is a swordsman whereas Gai Bang borrows from Sun Wukong's playbook and speaks softly, but carries a big stick. Anyway, after that Vinny picks Shau Ling and his wiener-leg v.s his exact clone off the coast of the Forbidden City, a very popular tourist attraction in China. Shau Ling actually has some magic palm-blasts of his own, which makes you wonder why he didn't defend himself against the evil wizard. I didn't understand a single thing of that opening text, so for all I know the whole game could be his dying dream as he lays bleeding.

[CHN] China Pro Baseball 1 and 2 | This should be a run-of-the-mill baseball game using at-the-time teams for the Chinese baseball leagues, but the game got stuck on the opening cinematic and the faces (probably real Chinese baseball superstars at the time) made Vinny crack up so hard he could substitute for a malfunctioning space-time continuum. Plus, the music in CPB1 reminds me of Upside Down, a song my old Discord friend said was used in plenty of animation memes, yet I know it from speedpaints that also have *gasp and shock* NCS music in them!!!

Oh yes, the 3D rotating title screen graphic glitches out when it reaches its loop-point.

[FRA] The Death of Vegeta | One of exactly one fangame on this list, it's very short, but very infamous for the way the always Super Saiyan-powered Vegeta screams out "BIG BANG ATTACK!!!!!" at the top of his royal Saiyan lungs. It ends when he falls down an impassable pit and you're greeted with text that says "Vegeta is dead. As he did not perform beneficial gestures in life, he is immediately sent to Hell. [Game's end] NB: Nothing is preventing you from using the crystal balls to revive him. You could start another game." You can tell this was made before Vegeta became Goku's BFFFL (Best Friend Forever For Life).

[KOR] Father World | Much like France has Flashback/Another World/Heart of Darkness, Korea has this little doozy. Vinny was laughing at the game's name, but at least it's not called Daddy World. It's very story-driven, and hey, how much percent of the game's data do you think went into recording voiced dialogue for it?

You've got scenes featuring a cityscape, an evil overlord, some sort of rivalry staring contest as the glass breaks in front of them, the most 90s shonen anime cutscenes your Korean game company can buy, blondie and blue-hair are friends now, and then when he starts the game he's immediately run over by a car. Good job, buddy.

Then he's nursed back to health by a lady. Let's move on.

[KOR] Fox Ranger 1 | "SUFFICIENT TOILET" That's the first thing Vinny hears upon booting the game. It actually says "Soft Action, present:" Anyway, this one's a side-shooter along the likes of R-Type and Life Force/Salamander. It takes place in 2044 AD, 26 years after this VOD and therefore 20 years from now. Having graduated from Korean air force boot camp, this little NF43 is saving the world from aliens. It's always aliens in these sorts of games.

I see you, Mr. Death Star! You can't disguise yourself as a Saturnesque planet and get away with it, not without Lucasfilms noticing! And you, CATS! You just gonna stop by without saying "all your base are belong to us"?

Stage 1 is called "Outer Space", yet that's the most inner-iest space I've ever seen! That's, like, plane-cruise height! Anyway, you shoot all sorts of creeps and weirdos, the game says "flushing right here/fashion deer/f⨺⩙⫑ you nerd", and there's a giant skull-monster as the boss. Shoot it in its sensitive eyes to kill it.

[KOR] Fox Ranger 2 | This exciting sequel improves upon the original in many ways - presentation, story (something about alien monsters being dropped into the ocean), cutscenery (Listen! Voice acting!), a whole different play style (think Star Fox), and more creeps and crawlies to fight, including a two-headed dragon boss that roars like a gong! Unfortunately, Vinny has the exact wrong soundcard (likely Soundblaster instead of Roland) and so his shots sound like a piano constantly smacking the D key and occasionally D-Sharp. You'll be screaming for vengence (sic), just like the game's tagline!

Stage 1 is still as inappropriately named as the first game's - "Into the Fire" when you're swirling in a weird vortex.

Just like that Vinny is immediately thrust into a voiceless cutscene where NF43 is getting debriefed by his boss and now we're in a top-shooter. The enemies now die in a very low D-Flat.

[USA] Krusty's (Super) Fun House | Nothing much to note on this, aside from Vinny's Krusty impersonation. It's Rat Trap for the British computers, only now it's multiplatform (released for Game Gear, Nes, Genesis, Snes, and of course DOS) and you assume the giant clown-shoes of Herschel Krustofsky as he guides the rats into the Bart-painted mallet-operated rat genocide machine. Would this be foreshadowing for the Simpsons fangame where Krusty beats up dolphins?

[KOR] Lars the Wanderer | Gravity and Samsung combine their forces to give us an Adventure of Link-esque game where you play as a Marth recolor who finds a fairy and goes into town. Unfortunately, it's very text-heavy and Vinny only knows English (and even then sometimes he screws up), meaning all he can do is be distracted by fairy cleavage and wander around the town and do nothing and then give up. At least the music's awesome though, especially the title screen.

[CHN] Last Hero in China | ...You know what I just noticed? Given the digitized stills from some kind of movie, Last Hero in China might be based on a movie, thereby making it also a licensed game! How did I not notice this before!? Anyway, they turned the movie into a beatmup, where you play as the movie's main character, master of a flying kick and a Mantis eye-poke.

The story seems to be about some bad guys taking over the Forbidden City and therefore our white-clad protagonist saves the day and stuff. However, the gameplay on display is no Turtles in Time or Streets of Rage. The sound effects don't kick in until a good bit into Vinny's short romp with the game - you'll have to wait to hear the Last Hero in China yell out what sounds like "week Dwight" when he uses the flying-kick move.

Heh, check out those two identical goons! They're synchronized in a way only fictional twins could be! ...Oh of course. It wouldn't be a beatmup without the flying kick hurting you. And this won't be the last beatmup we see in these MS-DOS stream rundowns, oh no. But let's move on to...

[CHN] Little Monk | In this Zeldalike, you are Little Monk, and you're sent on your merry way by Big Monk off to save the world and stuff while the whole way, a fun, dopey little tune plays. First stop, the forest! If I could read more Chinese I'd figure out just what that forest is called. Little Monk has 2 Extra Dudes™, infinite apples, no firework rockets yet, and one scroll of each major element, all while a timer counts down from 1,400.

The candles represent his health bar, and they go down kinda like Minecraft hearts. Essentially he's 75% as durable as a completely unarmored Minecraft person. This isn't that bad when you have infinite apples, which explode into some Bonk-like monstrosity and are a handy defense tool against the snakes and fiery skulls and evil mushroom-monsters and whatever else. Little Monk can restore health with these pork buns, which says to me that he gets them as a little treat for a job well done.

You can also find bubbles that contain little busts of Hippocrates and a necklace - both likely talismans. Vinny accidentally uses the wind-scroll, so at least we see that the wind goddess floats around on a cloud and carries a banana-leaf fan which she uses to literally blow away the competition. Immediately after he gets mauled by boars and dies, noticing a Vineshroom (read: a green variant of the evil mushrooms) and not the old man who dropped a scroll. Why if that were me at that DOSBox, I'd trudge through, or as through as I can without understanding very much Chinese! So he gives up and moves on to...

[KOR] Little Witch | Remember the crow from the intro screen to Zis: The Adventure? He's from this game! Unfortunately, his appearance changes the book cutscene's music from this nice waltz to a horrible screechy mess. Not to mention Vinny can't get past this one, nor understand the story. Cool page effects, though. Ablex was ahead of their time, with their game Hades being Korea's very first FPS.

[KOR] My Love: Chaos Daejak-jeon | Why are you surprised that this one's published by Samsung? Samsung is based in Korea and so of course they'd be the ones to introduce video gaming to that little fun and fancy-free southern half. All the loons up north get is endless streams of propaganda left and right. Speaking of lunacy, this one's opening cutscene goes for some Ranma½-style wackiness, as we see the old man educate these five heroes on the dog-ship about the sorry state of the world - the rivers are drying up, the forests and flowers are dying, genetic scientists are splicing pigs with bunnies and horses with ducks and pigs with chickens, it's horrible! And so after some insane slapstick we see a weird yellow dinosaur chase after an electrified bone.

All this just for a beatmup where you attack skeletons in the cave while stock dancehouse music plays and the game-over screen is the villains eating you in the soup.

[KOR] Pee and Gity | Not yet, buddy! First we have to watch a trailer for the producers' other game, Illusion Blaze! From what it displays it seems to be a space-shoot game with multiplayer support where you and a friend can shoot aliens in space together.

Okay, after fiddling with what the right command is, he can finally experience the game. The cutscene is about a frog and a mouse, best of friends, frolicking in the fields together when they should come across a smoldering house. Their first course of action is to investigate, whereupon they're immediately accosted by Carills and soon afterward Gators. Surprise, Vinny! Another beatmup!

Then he messes with the screen settings and immediately gives up on the game. By the way, Pee is the mouse. First "Mr. Goo" from that one K-drama and now this.

[CHN] Prince of Evil | Featured in Eat Drink Man Woman (a movie from China) and now in good-ol' American-grown Vincent Vinesauce, this game is also a Zeldalike, only now instead of limited time your dude now has limited ammo. This one features a soldier galloping through the woods on horseback when he finds a demon-werewolf-thingy. Then we're thrust through the door into the game.

Soldier-boy has no elemental scrolls this time, just his feet, his wits, and his 300 spirit cards. They're all you have to stand a chance against the haunted dresses, skeletons, beetles, Adhering Suzies, and Vagina Dentata.

[KOR] Super 64 Classic | Way to break the alphabetism of the folder-pack, bucko. Now your dreams of Super Mario 64 on DOS are ruined - instead we just get MS-X games, like this Hello Kitty (Cat Widemohom) one where he immediately dies and gives up.

[KOR] Rage of Tiger 2: Blood, Money, and Tears... | I agree, Vinny, that title sounds super silly. After a bit of a struggle, he finally gets it to work whereupon he beholds the chalky jank that lies within. Meet our roster - Hanin, Kent, and Mangho! I see Kent wants to go Skins against a buncha Shirts.

The gameplay isn't much better - Vinny hasn't increased the cycles, and so he can't combo his opponent to death, which is required for victory. And why is the background a spraycan-doodle of a tiger?

[KOR] Shakii the Wolf | Hey, this one's in English! We can understand the story this time!! *ahem* So, once upon a time everything was happy in the land of Shake, and its ruler, good old titular Shakii. Then one dark and stormy night, this bad lion called Midnight Sword came in, and so Shakii and his people (wolves?) had to go to the Land of Giants for help.

Then after that Vinny bungles up the cutscene speed when Shakii finally shows up - way to go, pal. You can't play the game now because now the cutscene's gonna take 99 more hours instead of another minute or so!

[USA?] Shaolin Campus King | Why is the opening cutscene silent? It's eerie without, say, a fiery swoop and some rock-n-roll. And as MrDmoney156 said, you need to press Escape when the vanity plate appears - this would cost you the cutscene, but at least Vinny would've gotten a taste of the game!

[KOR] Super Cop | Sorry, you spiky-shouldered Jupiter-helmet, you're no Mappy. Especially when your game has that stanky Korean DOS snare and you run around a Ghost House from Dinosaur Island (Super Mario World) and you say "DIE!!!" when you get hurt and you ricochet everywhere when you die. ...A-and a princess is there now too. The art direction makes me sad.

And that start-game menu has to be stolen from something too! Day of the Tentacle? Ironic, Super Cop - you steal, which the police would actually reprimand people for.

[RUS] Super Tetris | Finally, something with less infringement! In this take on the classic (which coincidentally celebrates its 40th anniversary this year), we're sent to the Moscow Circus, with bomber-rats and kids who look at elephants. What changed in 7 years? The music is quieter and in Vinny's case it stops early, not to mention the controls, tragically, have been worsened. From Russia with FOON!!!

[KOR] Adventures of Eol! | More like "Eeyole" in Vinny's case - he should know better, in Korean pronunciation logic, "eo" is pronounced like "aw".

Anyway, this one has the most insane story out of every Family Pro game - there's this evil purple character who tears the mountain asunder. Eol must stop him before he turns the whole world into rubble! Vinny can't play past the first level, which means he'll never experience the twist that Eol is a prince of some sort.

After he dies and gives up, he laments how his collection is double his usual. Moving on to...

[KOR] The Adventure of Tipi: Legend of Meda | From the makers of Lars the Wanderer, here's a cutscene with a badass mother-fricker in a cloak and then a dragon shows up. And then... demo footage. Tipi herself reminds me of Yuko Asou in design.

[KOR] Dragon Force: The Day 3 | Another space-shooter where you shoot aliens!? Perish the thought! Well at least this one doesn't work, just makes a gentle hum.

[CHN] Journey to the West | If I had 5 yuan for every time a non-game medium from China was turned into a beatmup available for MS-DOS, I'd have 10 yuan, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice. Anyway - Vinny immediately picks Bajie because "Ooh, piggy-man!" and fends off weird red-green-blue demons before falling off a bridge and dying. I miss this sort of brevity from Vinny. Now it's just Corruption Stockpile this, Commercial Chaos that, horror fangame this, hot new game that.

[CHN] Legend of the Dragon | Ignoring the IM stock sound at the title screen, remember Sun Wukong, snotty little brat and so-called "protagonist" of Journey to the West? Here he is, as a playable character alongside Little Dragon Lady! When you begin, the wind goddess (remember her, from Little Monk?) shows up and tells us of a bad situation. Vinny then mistakes the Manji for something worse. Then bazoomy, we're sent to the mountains!

It plays like Graal, as Vinny said, and you fight your way past music-loving sea serpents, weird racist caricatures, Peahat-Piranha Plant hybrid monsters, and this bouncer who won't let you in without an ID or something. He looks like a pirate who got drunk and wound up on the wrong side of the Himalayas.

[KOR] Van Slug: X Mission | This one has the usual scifi story of "it's the future but ohs no aleins took over", but in a more comical sense - this bumbling little idiot is late for his mission! So the general chews him out, he hops on his bike and into a run-n-gun adventure!

After the longest transformation sequence in the world that isn't a Fetish, we're off, shooting skeleton-demons and mud-monsters and being distracted by "I Love Elvis" on the bottom! But don't get the pills! Big mistake!! Now you got hurt a bit!

After he dies to spikes, he ends this big fat ugly DOS stream right then and there, exactly 2 hours long, for your "enjoyment".

#vinny vinesauce #ms dos #Youtube

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just-a-random-person24 · 7 months ago

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Episodes 7, 8, and 9! Will just say now, every episode with multiple parts is just gonna be put in a single set of notes since eps 10, 14, and 15 are multiple parts

Episode 7

• thinks PETA likes cockroaches

• calls headcrabs ‘head humpers’ and sticks with that

• finds out water/oil is slippery

• “Wee!”

• doesn't want an arm growing out of his back

• calls a ladder and sparking light ‘triple bad luck’. What's the third? shrug

• hits his crowbar near am explosive barrel to kill a cockroach

• “Nobody sneaks up on Barney!” gets snuck up on

• doesn't know why Black Mesa was hiding a medkit behind a large crate

• “By the way Mr. Calhoun, the ultrasound came back and it's a girl. Congratulations.” Good to know he's assuming radioactivity can… impregnate you??

• about to make an airline joke. Gives up on it cause he doesn't know where he's going with it

• forgets what he was doing because of his failed joke

• wants a chain gun

• “Why's everything gotta weigh 50 thousand pounds? Yeah. It's not cause I'm a weakling, who said that? No one said that! … Stupid people. You and your muscular stuff and lifting 50 pound weights. Kick all your ass.”

• headcrab jumpscare!

• actually recognizes one of the guards for once! Hates seeing people he cares about hurt!!

• “Hm. Gearbox- I mean, box full of gears.”

• very happy to see an M4

• “Barney Calhoun, I am greater than the U.S army.”

• damn counter: 3

Episode 8

• tries to tell the injured scientist about the medkit in the room, gets ignored

• rummages through a marines bag for something useful, only finds a tent

• hates stairs

• calls the ‘no storage’ sign in the storage room a contradiction

• points out all the stacked boxes because of a ‘do not stack sign’

• is confused about why he keeps yelling ‘grenade’ whenever the military throws one

• “Recon Team checks in, Recon Team doesn't check out.” Immediately says that was lame for his standards

• really wants a handheld plasma torch to cut through locked doors

• grosses out about the amount of blood

• goes to take on a the military head on, backs out when there's too many

• needs tunes for this. Plays a remixed Tetris theme. TBH I can barely hear him over the music

• bullet grazed his cheek

• turns down his music because he can barely hear over it

• sees a room covered in tons of blood and dead scientists, says that coke is bad for you

• tries to stand on a cardboard box

• asks a scientist if he has a walkie talkie

• damn counter: 3

Episode 9

• “I'm gonna assume you know what's going on here cause there's lots of soldiers and aliens and head humpers and bran muffins and iPhones out there.”

• Tells the scientist following him he can have the medkit

• “LEEROY JENKINS” I forget this series is made in 2009

• asks the marines if they play World of Warcraft, Smash Bros (mains Peach), or Counter Strike

• says he'll help the scientist he just saved if he's paid

• got shot in the leg, loses enough blood to pass out. Somehow, for literally *just now* getting shot in the leg

• thinks he died. Then realizes it's a dream about the Blue Shift Hazard Course

• feels like he died

• thinks Gordon would be showing off in the Hazard Course

• he's back! and didn't die!

• doesn't feel good

• dry swallows some advil, hates dry swallowing pills

• thinks Black Mesa was expecting something bad to happen because of what the Hazard Course focused on

• confused why one of the scientist's following wanted to stay back and wait for his colleagues

• thinks they're useless for not wanting to shoot things

• wants a tank

• gets shot. Says nothing about it

• once again more tunes for killing the tank. Good music but once again too loud to hear Barney

• puts down the RPG cause it's too heavy to carry around

• gets offended when one of the scientists says a security guard should know what he's doing

• abandons one of the scientists because he didn't want to follow anymore. Gets left with Douchebag (I'm just gonna call him Walter cause, that's his *actual* name)

• immediately tells Walter to carry his guns

• damn counter: 1

#barney's mind #mindverse

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grigori77 · 2 years ago

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Movies of 2023 - My Pre-Summer Rundown (Part 1)

The Runners-Up:

20. WE HAVE A GHOST – Christopher Landon, the writer-director of Freaky and the Happy Death Day movies, brings something a bit more family friendly to Netflix with this endearingly goofy spook-fest fantasy comedy about a down-on-their-luck family (led by father Anthony Mackie) who discover that their rundown new home is inhabited by the ghost of its former owner (Stranger Things’ David Harbour), only for their lives to become infinitely more complicated when their resulting YouTube adventures attract the attention of well-connected ghosthunter Tig Notaro.

19. A MAN CALLED OTTO – Tom Hanks is intriguingly cast against type as a grouchy curmudgeon in this likeable comedy-drama adaptation of popular Swedish novel A Man Called Ove, in which Hanks’ titular grump tries to manage his “final transition” on his own term, only to find his efforts confounded at every turn by his bumbling new neighbours (Mentiras’ Mariana Trevino and The Magnificent Seven’s Manuel Garcia-Rulfo, and their family), who ultimately give him a reason to go on living after all …

18. KNOCK AT THE CABIN – M. Night Shyamalan continues his comeback tour from mediocrity with this deeply troubling psychological horror thriller adaptation of Paul Tremblay’s similarly dark and disturbing novel The Cabin At the End of the World. Jonathan Groff, Ben Aldridge (Fleabag) and Kristen Cui are the gay couple and their small adopted daughter who are forced to make an impossible choice in order to save the world by a group of seemingly insane strangers that includes Dave Bautista and Rupert Grint.

17. THE TANK – 2023 is already turning out to be a genuine BUMPER YEAR for really great and sometimes genuinely surprising horror cinema, and this recent chance discovery is a particular standout. Writer-director Scott Walker (The Frozen Ground) has crafted a lean, mean and fantastically creepy little period horror (set in the year I was BORN!) about a small family who learn they’ve just inherited a potentially super-pricey property on the Portland coast, only to discover that there’s a very nasty catch indeed ...

16. 65 – ignore the naysayers and check this out! It’s a CRACKER!!! Seriously, this Adam Driver-starring sci-fi thriller from writer-directors Scott Beck and Bryan Woods (the guys who came up with the original idea for A Quiet Place) is a trim little suspense-filled actioner which has NO FAT ON IT, powered along by a FANTASTIC core concept – 65 million years ago, a space-farer from a distant civilisation crash landed here on earth and had to fight to escape from ravenous dinosaurs and an impending global cataclysm …

15. TETRIS – Jon Baird, the director of Filth and Stan & Ollie, brings the fascinating untold “true” story of how daring entrepreneur game developer Henk Rogers (Kingsman’s Taron Egerton) braved Russian bureaucracy, the KGB and corporate double dealing to bring the titular video game out of the Soviet Union and into the West through the new creation from Nintendo, the Gameboy. The end result is a fascinating and endearingly quirky little true-life biopic with a cute can-do attitude to match its inspiring story.

14. SCREAM VI – last year’s fifth offering from Kevin Williamson’s (literal) killer horror franchise may have missed the mark a little bit, but the latest entry gets things RIGHT back on track with the best Scream movie in YEARS. Melissa Barrera (In the Heights) and Jenna Ortega (Wednesday) are the survivor sisters who discover that the murderous Ghostface still isn’t done with them when they find themselves beset in a new murder spree on the streets of New York City …

13. THE WHALE – while it’s not QUITE as good as the MASSIVE hype built it up to be, Darren Aronofsky’s adaptation of Samuel Hunter’s acclaimed play is still a compelling and powerful piece of work, driven by a genuinely SPECTACULAR cast – Hong Chau (Downsizing) entirely deserves her Supporting Oscar nom for this, but the film is entirely DOMINATED by a career best, Oscar-winning turn from Brendan Fraser as a terminally obese shut-in desperately trying to reconnect with his estranged daughter (Stranger Things’ Sadie Sink).

12. BOSTON STRANGLER – the true story behind the controversial hunt for the notorious serial killer who stalked Boston in the early 1960s finally gets told in Crown Heights writer-director Matt Ruskin’s tight and tidy slowburn procedural thriller for Hulu. Keira Knightley and Carrie Coon are both magnificent as the intrepid reporters for the Boston Record American newspaper who first uncovered how badly the Boston PD botched the investigation and the true extent of the monumental clusterfuck that ensued.

11. THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG WITH THE CHILDREN – 2019’s Body At Brighton Rock is one of the most impressive unsung indie chillers I’ve ever come across, and director Roxanne Benjamin has definitely improved upon that impressive debut with this skin-crawling psychological supernatural horror for Blumhouse. A genuine masterpiece of subtlety, it makes a proper virtue of exploiting the viewer’s imagination, the power of suggestion and the inherent creepiness of other people’s kids …

#2023 in movies #we have a ghost #a man called otto #knock at the cabin #the tank #the tank 2023 #65 #65 movie #tetris #tetris movie #scream vi #the whale #boston strangler #there's something wrong with the children

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anantradingpvtltd · 2 years ago

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Price: [price_with_discount] (as of [price_update_date] - Details) [ad_1] Product Description: SUP GAME 400 in 1 Retro Game Box Console Handheld Video Game with Mario/Super Mario/DR Mario/Contra/Turtles and other 400 Games with USB Recharger,Gaming Console for Kids,Handheld gaming consoles offer much more than just an ability to play portable video games. Handheld gaming devices are a constant in today’s digital world. A handheld game console is a lightweight, portable electronic device with a built-in screen, game controls, and speakers. Handheld game consoles are smaller than home video game consoles and contain the console, screen, speakers, and controls in one unit, allowing people to carry them and play them at any time or place. Built-in 400 classic games: Arcade retro games, Logic & math, Sports, Puzzle, Arcade, Shooting, Action, Racing, Fighting games, Strategy, Adventure, Card games and more to meet your demand to play varieties of games what you like.High-resolution screen：It features a colorful LCD screen and supports AV output, not only giving you a high-quality picture and gaming experience, but also making you more stress-free and make you feel better. Meanwhile, you could bring it everywhere with slim design.Great Gift: Elegant and stylish design, the GameBoy is a gift that can create happiness and memories for game lovers. ✅400 retro classic games - The game console built-in 400 classic games such as Red fortress, contra, Tank Wars, Tetris, etc. Taking you back to your happy childhood. ✅Built-in 400 Classical Games: It's a good gift for your children, friends, both boys and girls will like it. ✅Perfect gift for children, retro game lovers, collectors, etc. ✅ USB RECHARGEABLE -- Built-in 800mAh lithium battery,come with a rechargeable lithium battery and a USB cable , charging time is about 1.5 hours,4 hours of continuous game play ✅Adapted AV Cable: Applicable to TV system, so that you can easily enjoy vivid and exciting games on a big screen [ad_2]

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partiallypeculiar · 6 months ago

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OKAY SO: Psychonauts is technically a trilogy (Two big games and a vr game that ties them together.) The first game is about this little boy called Razputin Aquato, who ran away from his family's circus to join a psychic summer training camp. He's a BIG fan of the Psychonauts (a psychic government agency) and read their comic series about the founders and cool battles they had. Unfortunately the camp leader, Milla Vodello, Sasha Nein and Coach Oleander, cannot let him stay. Raz's parents are called and he's left with maybe One Day to stay at the camp. But guess what! Since he's psychic, he can participate in camp activities until then!! So my boy goes through Coach Oleander's 'Basic Braining', aka jumping into his mind and making your way through a WW2 battle field. Reminder that this is a camp for children. After getting a badge for finishing the course, Agent Nein gives Raz a button that secretly reveals the access point for Sasha's lab. Nein wants to experiment with 'The Brain Tumbler' (an invention that allows someone to enter their own mind). Raz doesn't hesitate to find it and mess with untested technology. But, Raz doesn't actually have that much practice with being a psychonaut so he has to go through Neins Training for using the Psi Blast (ends with Raz making the tetris cube mindscape erupt into chaos cause he's impatient) and Vodello's Training for Levitation (reminds Raz that he has a family curse to die in water. I forgot to mention that!) AFTER all that, he progresses into 'his mind' via the brain tumbler, but uh oh! Doctor Loboto!!! Yeah one of the kids at the camp sneezes out their brain and is later found wandering about with an empty head. It's ALSO HERE that Raz falls into a blueprint area and discovers that Coach Oleander is planning on harvesting the psychic brains so he can use them to power psychic tanks and take over the world. Yeah it's also like 3pm in game. So he goes to tell the agents but both Milla and Sasha have been called on a mission (...convenient timing) and he's now alone in his quest. Except there is another camp member, Ford Cruller (one of the founders of the Psychonauts who had his mind fractured after a battle against Maligula (water based psychic. yes she is related to the curse but not in the way you'd expect)). Ford is stuck in a quantum state of running parts of the camps when he's not standing next to the giant psytanium (psycho-active mineral) deposit under the camp. So while he can't directly help, he can guide Raz. Via waving a piece of bacon next to his ear since Ford apparently planted himself in Raz's brain. 1/2

hey have you played psychonauts by chance

i have not 😔😔 what’s it on

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seat-safety-switch · 3 years ago

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In the old-shitbox community, there is a long-running debate about whether we actually got anything out of the Cold War. Which is not to say there were no benefits whatsoever. The faceless corporations that manufactured automatic transmissions sold a bunch for tanks that were largely never used. The Soviets made some absolutely primo niche rolling crapsheds that existed just to flex on the Lincoln Town Car. Tetris was co-opted by a Dutch dude who played a lot of Dungeons & Dragons and probably helped drown a billionaire. None of these things, however, filtered down to the average Westerner just trying to make their way to work using the “good enough” strategy.

You might think that the constant threat of nuclear annihilation would have produced some tremendous sports cars. Why bother driving a conservative, respectable vehicle stuffed full of children at responsible speeds if we could all be blipped out of existence tomorrow by some adversarial eggheads splitting an atom over Des Moines? It didn’t work out that way, though, and this is probably because the automakers realized there was more margin in six or seven of those family haulers, every couple of years, than selling just one penis-shaped road rocket and maybe an expensive branded casket afterward.

So maybe those dumpy, boring automobiles with names like Newport, New Yorker, and Versailles would be able to be pepped up just a little bit with some good old-fashioned know-how? Not so, friend: the various conflagrations, handshake deals, and secret social clubs tying our fate to countries we can barely pronounce soon drove gas prices into the stratosphere, and so ended the era of big fucking V8s, in favour of big fucking V8s that don’t make any power.

On the other hand, if we had just given in and let the Soviets run roughshod over the entire world, it seems like we’d all be driving two-stroke Trabants and Wartburgs. Which, uh, actually doesn’t sound that bad. Maybe a little positive-pressure turbocharging to help try and keep some of the oil inside the crankcase, in exchange for the secret police occasionally stopping by to pull out my teeth because I dared to criticize the rust-proofing of a 45-year-old VAZ-2102. Which would be utterly preposterous, as surely the rot started with the bourgeois scum who designed the unibody at Fiat.

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darkficsyouneveraskedfor · 4 years ago

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Never Too Late 2

Warnings: noncon sexual acts (later in series)

This is dark!Steve Rogers and explicit. Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: You’re turning forty and life seems to be forging ahead on its one way track, that is until you meet Steve Rogers.

Note: Things are... going. But I’m doing my best.

Thank you. Love you guys!

As always, if you can, please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

It was about time you started doing something. Past due, you’d say. Your body was screaming for it. You were no longer the college grad who could sit and eat potato chips to her heart’s desire. Or the thirtysomething in denial of the looming 4-0. No you had stepped upon the threshold and you felt and saw the changes which came with another decade.

And yet, the simple act was daunting. Your old beat up sneakers squeaked as you descended the stairs of your building to the street. You wore a pair of thin track pants you’d bought years ago on the unspent whim of a New Years’ resolution. Your sports bra was new and uncomfortable; the tank top a bit too tight for your liking.

You did your best to stretch outside. You kicked your foot up against the brick and lunged a few times forward and back. Your muscles were stiff from inactivity; from years of neglect; from time. You hopped in place as worked up to your departure.

You began at a slow jog. You reached the first corner out of breath.

You were old. Accept it.

You continued and wove your way to the park where few others paced themselves around the fountain and winding paths where happy owners walked their happier pets. Another breather as you gasped. The sweat gathered under the cotton shirt and created a humid tent in the pants.

You gripped your hips and stared ahead. Keep going. You pushed off your heels and bent your arms as you fought your way through the tension in your chest, the burn in your lungs, the ache in your knees. One day at a time, it would get easier. You hoped.

You wondered how you’d manage to fit in your new regime on workdays. A morning run would mean even earlier days; likely shorter nights. You’d have to make it work. You didn’t have another ten years to wait around; if you did, it might be too late to change.

You were tired. Of the years passing like second. Of the tedium. Of nothing happening. Of failed hopes. Of pointless relationships and temporary stability. You weren’t where you wanted to be and you’d likely never get there but there were other desires in life. Other achievements to be made.

Your mother could resent you for your singleness; your lack of familial bliss. She could not begrudge you entirely. Not if you bettered yourself. Not if you turned it around and tried. Not if you set aside your passivity for proaction. Because it was your life, not hers.

When you got back to your building, you were ready to collapse. The old elevator was still out of order. It’s old grated doors marked with an X of tape and a handwritten sign. You dragged yourself up the stairs and stumbled inside. You downed a glass of water and splayed over your single armchair. Your heart slowed as you flipped on the television and checked off day one in your newly downloaded app.

👟

Day two. Exhausted and still sore, you made yourself go. You had an hour before you had to be back to shower and ready for work. The day seemed even longer ahead of you. Eight hours at a desk in pain, dealing with the frustrated public. It was worse than you could imagine. Your night was spent with an ice pack and half-dazed.

Day three, four, five. A tic in your phone which barely felt worth it. Six almost saw you giving up as you ambled around work with splints in your calves. Seven, another day off, but you still had work to do. You pulled on your freshly washed track pants and a loose tee. The last days of summer approached but the heat had yet to relent.

You took your usual route to the park. You stopped at the entrance and stretched a second time. You found it was helping. The pain was duller, the aches less spread out. You set off and found your step. A week and you could already see the ounce of improvement. Well, inside more than out.

You measured your breaths as you neared the curve shrouded in trees; leaves still lush and aromatic. Soon enough, they’d darken and drop. Time was like footsteps. Each one forward took you further from where you were and yet you could feel like you were standing still or come to a startling stop that left you hurtling into the void.

Like then. Your worn treads slid over the ground as you collided with the unexpected runner coming your way. Your eyes had been above him, staring at the rounded tree tops and their sprawling branches. On the early morning hues that cast the sentinels in a placid mural.

You stumbled back, your hands reaching back to catch yourself but you never met the ground. Two thick hands caught your upper arms and steadied you. You looked up, both surprised and not by the face staring back at you. Both familiar and not. After so long in the city, the last two weeks had seen as many run-ins with Steve Rogers. More, now.

“You,” He smiled as he slowly released you, his fingers tickled your arms.

“You.” You echoed dully.

“Small world,” He chuckled.

“New York isn’t that small,” You said. “You must think I’m some weirdo.”

“Or maybe I’m the weirdo?” He ventured. “Didn’t peg you as a runner.”

“Wow, thanks,” You scoffed. “And I’m not. Well, wasn’t. New hobby.”

“New?” He raised a brow.

“One week,” You shrugged. “Not much and I’m sure once it’s cold, I’ll go back to my sloth,” You said. “Uh, sorry about… wasn’t looking where I was going.”

“Not at all. Neither was I.” He smiled.

“Well, I, uh…” You looked past him, “Have a lot to go.”

“Can I join you?” He asked. You squinted at his eagerness.

“Weren’t you going…” You pointed over your shoulder.

“I just do circles,” He said. “Doesn’t really matter which direction.”

“I’m not very fast.”

“It’s not a race.”

“Alright,” You threw your hands up, just wanting to get it over with. “But if you feel like leaving me behind, don’t think it’ll bother me.”

“Come on,” He turned so he faced the same direction. “It’s always easier with company.”

You exhaled and righted yourself before you fell back into a jog. He kept pace beside you. You could smell his sweat. You tried to keep your breathing quiet.

“I used to run with my pal Sam but… he joined a gym.” He said. “So, new hobby?”

“Hobby is putting it… nicely,” You huffed. “More like trying to make up for my own laziness.”

“It’s never too late to make a change,” He preened. “You got any other hobbies? Maybe something you enjoy more?”

You glanced at him. Your chest hurt but you didn’t want to slow down.

“Cross-stitching? Tetris?” You offered. “Nothing special. Just… life.”

“How’s work?” He asked.

You were silent as you kept running. You listened to the sound of your foot falls as your breath came faster.

“I--” You came to a stop and turned to him as you touched your side. “Forgive me for being a bit--confused but--” You gulped. “Don’t you have friends? Super friends?”

“Co-workers,” He said and his hands went to his hips. “Oh, maybe you already have enough friends then.”

“Look, I’m forty, I work the same job I had sixteen years ago, I live in a box, and I’m falling apart,” You shook your head. “Not many people are trying to be my friend. All my friends have families; obligations.”

“Well, it sounds like we have a lot in common,” He grinned. “So we should be great friends.”

You frowned. His optimism was irksome. His refusal to be rebuffed more so.

“Friends?” You repeated darkly.

“Maybe just running buddies?” He suggested. “I do get a bit lonely out here with just the chipmunks.”

“Steve.” You uttered.

“And I think you need someone to keep you on the right path, hmm? I’ve been told I’m a great motivator. Bit of a hard ass but I’ve got a talent and I use it.”

You considered him. He was right. An app wasn’t going to keep you going forever. Already, you were tempted to drag the little icon to the bin. Already you were tempted to sleep in. Already you were succumbing to failure.

“You sure?” You asked.

“What time do you usually run?”

“Well, weekdays, I head out at six, back home at seven, then off to work,” You explained. “Weekends I get an extra hour of sleep.”

“Alright,” He turned and set off. You followed. “I can’t promise every day. Lots of work out of town but weekends at least.”

“You really don’t--”

“Maybe if you start saying yes, you’ll find what you’ve been looking for,” He intoned.

You grumbled and pressed your lips together. He was right. You hated that he was. Something about this man both intrigued and disturbed you. He was kind but with a hint of pushiness. You just couldn’t decide if his insistence was merely clueless or something more deliberate.

👟

Another week and the mornings were easier, though the days continued to drag. Steve met you again on Monday and Tuesday but Wednesday he was gone. You didn’t mind so much but he returned on Saturday. He waited for you at the park entrance, a wrapped box in his hand. You were curious but not nosy.

You slowed as he greeted you.

“Hey,” He smiled. “I didn’t realise until after I’d gone that I had no way to tell you I’d be away.”

“It’s fine.” You assured him. “Think I managed just fine on my own.”

“Work,” He said. “But a quick mission so I can’t complain.”

“I saw you on the news,” You looked towards the fountain that stood further inside the park. “I figured.”

“Still, I think maybe… I’d like a more direct line.” He pulled out his phone as he kept the box under his arm.

“Are you asking for my number?”

“In case anything happens,” He said. “I mean, we’re not strangers.

“Sure, but…” You wetted your dry lip with your tongue. “Okay. Um, I don’t have my phone on me but I can give you my number.”

“Great, I’ll text you.” He unlocked his cell and carefully keyed in your details as you recited them. He replaced the phone in the strap around his bicep. “There. Your very own on-call hero.”

“Right,” You nodded slowly.

“Oh, and…” He grabbed the box from beneath his elbow. “Happy belated birthday.”

“What? Uh, I can’t. You already--”

“A cake? Really. Everyone should have a cake on their birthday.” He held out the gift. “And presents too.”

You looked at the small square box. You chewed your lip and shifted your weight on your feet.

“It’s really nothing special.” He urged. “If you’re wondering, July fourth,” He pointed to himself. “So you’re in the clear.”

“Steve--”

“I already got it and… it’s not really my colour,” He shoved it closer. “Please.”

You slowly took it as you gave a quiet thank you. You carefully slipped a finger in the crease of red wrapping paper and tore it open. A dusty pink smart watch shone back at you. You blinked and looked up at him.

“The guy at the store said you sync it with your phone and it can count your steps and all that. Send you reminders.” He rubbed his neck. “I thought it would be useful. Especially when I’m away.”

You tilted your head at him then looked back to the clear plastic window of the box. It was expensive, you could tell.

“It’s… a lot.” You said.

“It’s a gift. It’s not about the price tag,” He shrugged. “Come on. Try it on.”

You scratched your hairline and muttered. You went over to a bench and sat as you worked at opening the box. You took out the watch and admired its round face. He offered to do it up for you and you turned your wrist over. He secured it and you held up your hand as you looked it over.

“You like it?” He asked. “They had gold but I liked the pink.”

“Nice color,” You affirmed. “I guess… I guess I can use it.” You lowered your arm and hid the watched with your other hand. “Thank you.”

“It’s nothing. It’s what friends do,” He stood and gathered the packaging. “You don’t need all this, do you?”

“No,” You stood. “Thanks.”

He tossed it in a bin surrounded by hedges and you neared.

“Well, should we get going?” He asked.

“Yeah. Maybe an extra lap today?” You said. “Push myself a little.”

#steve rogers #dark steve rogers #dark!steve rogers #steve rogers x reader smut #dark steve rogers x reader #dark!steve rogers x reader #fic #au #dark fic #dark!fic #series #never too late #mcu #marvel #captain america

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betwecouldmakesome · 4 years ago

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car full of moments untold

fandom: julie and the phantoms

pairing: luke/reggie/alex and julie/flynn

word count: 3,656

read here on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27090439

Julie watches critically as Luke and Reggie seemingly play Tetris with everyone’s bags to get them to fit into the trunk of Alex’s Subaru outback. She isn’t sure why they have so much packed, they only plan on being gone 3 weeks. Flynn made sure to mark where their route and local laundry mats overlap so lack of clean clothes shouldn’t be an issue.

She also has a sneaking suspicion that one of Luke’s duffle bags is entirely beanies. She’s going to let it slide, knowing she’ll end up borrowing them.

She, however, won’t let whatever Reggie is trying and failing to smuggle into the car by hiding it behind his leather jacket, slide.

“Reginald!” Julie calls as she pushes off from the garage she was leaning against, hiding her smile when he jumps and flails. He looks to Luke for help, who shrugs and gives him a look, one she knows means “you’re on your own dude” before he heads back inside.

Reggie leans against the car and brings his hand up to hold his leather jacket closer to him, “Hey! Julie, fancy seeing you here, how’s it going? I’m doing fantastic, totally not doing anything."

“Whatcha got there?” she asks, purposefully ignoring his question and pointedly looks at his hand. Now that she’s closer, she can make out that the something he is holding is moving.

“What? this?” He lifts his hand and chuckles nervously before rubbing at the back of his neck, “it’s just uh, my binder? Yeah! my binder! I wanted to make sure I have a few extras on the trip just in case?” It sounded more like a question then anything.

Julie hums, knowing the boys made sure their binders were the first bags packed. They even checked to make sure they were in the car three times.

It only takes 13 seconds of making direct eye contact with him before he cracks, which to be fair, is a new record for him.

“Okay! Stop giving me the disappointed mom face.” Reggie sighs. He pulls his hand out from underneath his jacket, revealing Miss Petunia, his pet corn snake.

Julie continues to stare at him, slowly raising her eyebrows higher.

“Okay! Okay I’m going” He turns around heading back inside, presumably to give Petunia to Carlos who agreed to take care of her while they were away.

Julie sighs, this is going to be a long trip.

«»

They haven’t even made it out of Los Angeles before it starts.

“Why does Luke get shotgun?” Reggie complains, shoving his upper body between the two front seats.

“Because I won rock-paper-scissors.” Luke says, shoving Reggie back by his forehead. He sounded way too proud for someone who won a child’s game that involves no skill.

“Why is that how we always decide things? I always lose” Reggie pouts, crossing his arms across his chest.

“That’s why we do.” Luke laughs, quickly flattening himself against the door when Reggie lurches forward again.

“Hey! Cut it out. Reggie put your seatbelt on, you can switch with him when we stop.” Alex interjects, his gaze flickering between the road and Reggie.

«»

They’ve only been back on the highway ten minutes when Julie slurps down the rest of her slushie, noisily sucking on air at the end. It only takes a few seconds of her shifting around before she leans forward and announces her need to pee. Reggie and Luke quickly agree with her, although Luke looks sheepish about it.

“Seriously?” Flynn asks, raising a less than impressed eyebrow.

“Why didn’t you go at the gas station?” Alex also is not impressed but his eyebrows are less expressive then Flynn’s.

“I didn’t have to go then” Julie defends, Luke and Reggie nod in agreement.

“This is why Flynn is my favorite.” Alex complains. Although he changes lanes to get off at the next exit, so it doesn’t hold much weight

«»

It is pushing half past nine before Alex decides they’re done for the day. They planned on driving until eleven but there are only so many road games that he can take. If he had to listen to one more game of eye spy, he was going to drive them straight off a bridge. Flynn, the goddess she is, finds them a motel to stay in with two available rooms and reads off the directions to him.

For the first time since they left, silence takes over the car when they pull up to the motel. The place is creepy looking, like straight out of a horror movie.

After spending about a good twenty minutes trying to convince Reggie the motel is not haunted and that they won’t die, they cautiously make their way up the old rickety stairs leading to the second floor. They all jump when a loud clang echoes out from the alleyway and quickly scuffle up the rest of the stairs and into their respective rooms.

Alex lets out a relieved sigh, locking the door behind them and looks around the room. It’s not as bad as he was expecting. There is a weird smell he can’t, and doesn’t, want to identify, but it looks relatively clean.

Reggie comes out of the bathroom with Luke right behind him, both now having taken off their binders, changed into pajamas, and brushed their teeth. Reggie drops his backpack at the end of the bed and flops next to it, immediately grabbing the tv remote, “I’m so tired, driving is exhausting.”

Luke shoves at Reggie till he groans and moves to the top of the bed. Reggie takes the side farthest from the door and Luke lays beside him, taking the middle as he called dibs on it, “You didn’t even drive, Alex did all the work.”

Alex listens to them bicker while he brushes his teeth, dreading going back out there. He might have been the one to convince Reggie the motel wasn’t haunted but that does not mean he wants to sleep closest to the door. He spits out the mouthwash and heads back into their room, not at all surprised to see Reggie already asleep cuddled into Luke who looks seconds away from passing out himself. Alex smiles softly and shuts off the lights, he leaves the tv on but turns the volume down. He slides in next to Luke, who immediately, even in his half-asleep state wraps his arm around him and pulls Alex closer to him, burying his face into Alex’s neck. It doesn’t take Alex long to fall asleep, the comfort of laying with his boyfriends outweighing the worry of being haunted.

«»

Julie and Flynn wait till ten am for the boys to wake up before giving up and going to explore the town on their own. They walk down main street, hands intertwined, weaving their way through the crowds of people, stopping at any store that catches their eye.

So far, they had stopped at a local café for coffee, a bookstore where they got books for themselves and for each of the boys. Their favorite spot so far was a thrift store that they spent most of their morning trying on the most ridiculous clothing items they could find. and were now googling places they could go next.

Flynn keeps her attention on her phone as she walks, googling places they could go next. She glances up once and awhile but mostly relying on Julie to make sure she doesn’t run face first into a pole. She hums in question when Julie tugs at her arm, only to get her arm tugged on harder in response.

“Look!”

“What? Is there another dog in a stroller?” she asks, locking her phone and sliding it into her back pocket.

Julie grins and points across the street, “We have to go there.”

Flynn eyes where Julie is pointing and grins back at her, letting Julie pull her across the street to where a tiny tourist trap store is.

The bell rings when they push open the door. The person behind the counter jumps at their arrival, startled by the bell, and plasters a smile on their face before just nodding at them in greeting and goes back to flipping through their magazine.

They decide to split up and peruse the shelves for Knick Knacks. Looking for gifts for their families and funny things for the boys.

Julie ends up getting Carlos a snow globe with a ghost inside, her dad a joke book, a pair of earrings for her tía, some shoelaces with rainbows on them for Alex, and two cowboy hats for Luke and Reggie.

Flynn gets her mom a scented candle gift set, her dad a 1,000-piece puzzle of the town, her older brothers each a screaming goat figurine and a world’s okayest brother coffee mug, an assorted pack of stickers for cryptids for Alex, a pair of socks with ostriches on them for Luke, and a kid leash for Reggie.

(She got him a stuffed horse as a real gift but the look on his face, and the laughter from everyone else, when she hands him the leash is worth spending the extra money.)

«»

It takes 3 days and too many coffees and red bulls for them to get Alex to let Julie drive.

It takes an additional 15 minutes for them to convince him that they will not, under any circumstances, let Luke drive, before he hands over the keys and climbs into the back with Luke and Reggie, falling asleep in seconds.

«»

They are somewhere in Arizona when it becomes evident that it is too hot to keep driving. The temperature pushing 106° Fahrenheit and they are sweating through their t-shirts, hair sticking to the nape of their necks. They are practically all climbing over each other to get out of the car when Alex slows to a stop, having found a river nearby to stop at. Reggie and Luke collapse on the grass under the shade of a tree, leaving Alex, Flynn, and Julie to rummage through the bags for their bathing suits. They jerk upwards with a yelp when Julie throughs their swim trunks and tank tops at them, managing to hit them right in the face.

Luke is the first one changed and immediately runs towards the water. He dives under as soon as it’s deep enough before coming up again just as quick, a wide grin on his face as he shakes out his hair.

“Last one in has to pay for dinner!” He yells out.

The rest of them all share a look before sprinting towards him, letting out battle cry’s as they hit the water

«»

After spending a few hours having chicken fights and wading through the water they decide to camp out beside the river for the night. Alex makes a quick trip to the nearest store to get the supplies to make sandwiches and s’mores, Reggie and Flynn oversee the fire while Luke and Julie set up their sleeping bags.

They settle into their sleeping bags, the sound of crickets chirping, the river flowing, and the crackling of dying embers from fire the only noise, everyone silent as they look up at the stars. It’s dark, the fire barely going anymore, the moon and bright stars now their only light source. It’s peaceful and reassuring in a way the city could never be.

“What if we didn’t go back?” It’s Luke who whispers it, but it doesn’t matter, they were all thinking it, this is the most relaxed they’ve felt in forever.

«»

They take lots of pictures during their trip, snapping them whenever they get a chance. Photos of Luke, Flynn, and Julie passed out in the back seat, cuddled up and drooling on each other. Videos of Reggie yelling “Horses!” and pressing his face against the window every time they drive by any and Alex saying “if you do that one more time, I swear I’m going to crash the car” every time. They take pictures of themselves at every state sign they pass, and every landmark they visit. They take pictures of the scenery, the sun rising and setting. There are videos of them singing along to the radio at the top of their lungs. They have videos of every dumb stunt the others try, videos of them joking and laughing. They take as many as they can, trying to capture every moment, hoping to savor as much as they can.

«»

It takes Julie and Flynn 5 days to realize Reggie and Alex never call their parents.

It takes a few more for them to realize Luke doesn’t answer when his do.

«»

Julie and Flynn are leaning against each other drifting in and out of sleep, Luke already snoring in the passenger seat when they get startled awake by Alex swearing loudly and slamming on his breaks before making a U-turn.

“Alex! What the hell?” Julie yells, smacking the back of his headrest repeatedly.

He swats at her hand halfheartedly, “We forgot Reggie at the last stop!”

They all exchange a look, knowing they will never hear the end of this.

«»

Alex knows, rationally that it’s dumb to worry. Reggie can take care of himself, but there’s still a hollow feeling in his stomach as he pulls back into the run-down gas-station. He sure they’ll laugh about it later, just another funny story to tell, but the silence that hangs in the air as they pull in to see Reggie nowhere in sight is chilling.

As soon as the car is in park, they all spill out, running across the parking lot and into the building.

Reggie is fine, of course. They find him sitting on the checkout counter, kicking his legs back and forth as he chats with the cashier who’s working. He beams when he notices them, waving at them with the hand he is holding a hotdog in.

“Hey guys!”

Alex is the first one to react. He rushes forward and pulls Reggie into a tight hug, lifting him right off the counter, “Oh my god, I’m so sorry.”

Reggie hugs him back at laughs against his neck. “Took you long enough.”

«»

They get ten miles down the road before Reggie clutches his stomach and groans, “I’m gonna hurl.”

They pull over three more times for him to throw up before deciding to stop for the night.

Reggie swears that he is never eating another hotdog again.

«»

It’s six am, raining and gloomy out as they leave the motel. It is entirely too early after checking in after midnight. Alex wordlessly hands the keys to Julie and climbs into the back, Reggie and Luke both still half asleep following him.

They don’t wake up for another few hours and even then, it’s not by choice, it’s by the girls shaking them awake. Flynn hands the cardboard tray with 3 coffees back to them and goes back to quietly talking to Julie.

Reggie yawns and takes a sip of theirs, leaning forward after to kiss the girls on the cheek in thanks.

“It’s a Them day.” They say, slouching back against Luke. They only stay awake long enough to hear the groups hums or mumbled “okay’s” in acknowledgment.

«»

They get a flat tire in the middle of nowhere. A straight stretch of road going for miles and big open fields going as far as they can see.

“Shit,” Alex swears under his breath and looks to Reggie hopefully, who shakes his head and looks to Luke, only to get a sheepish shrug in response.

“Shit.” Alex repeats, louder this time.

Julie and Flynn exchange a glance before rolling up their sleeves, “We’ve got this, boys.”

“How did you know how to do that?” Reggie asks in awe, as the girls stand back up while wiping the dirt of their hands. The flat tire now replaced by the spare.

“My mom taught us.”

“We’d be lost without you.” Luke grins.

Flynn pulls him into a side hug and ruffles his hair, “Damn right you would.”

«»

Alex pokes at the paint on his cheeks, checking to see if it was dry. He had rainbow stripes on one side, and purple, white, and green on the other. He had been the one put in charge of doing everyone’s face paint and he had waited to do his own last. Luke had the demiboy flag painted on one cheek and the ace flag on the other. His nails painted pink, yellow, and blue, and is wearing a crop top with a trans flag wrapped around him like a cape. Reggie had Alex paint the genderfluid flag and trans flag onto his face, and his nails painted with the bi flag colors. Julie has the demigirl colors on one cheek and the bi colors on the other, with an ace flag wrapped around her. Flynn has dark orange, light orange, white, pink, and dark pink, representing the lesbian flag painted onto both cheeks.

Alex reaches around Reggie to grab his trans flag, the last part of his outfit, and wraps it around his shoulders.

Julie claps her hands together, getting everybody’s attention, “Everyone ready?”

Reggie lets out a shout of excitement, grabbing Alex and Luke’s hands, lacing his fingers with their own and tugging them out the door. Julie and Flynn follow them, shaking their heads and laughing as they watch all three of them try and walk down the narrow staircase side by side.

«»

“I’m dying.” Reggie gasps out, dramatically flinging themself over a rock.

“We’re almost there, it’s just a few more minutes.” Julie reassures them, the rest of the group taking the opportunity to stop and rest. All of them had woken up at five am to hike a mountain and watch the sun rise. The trail was about two miles, and this was the third time Reggie had announced that they were dying, although this one was more dramatic than the others.

“You’ve been saying that for the last 20 minutes!”

“Well this time I mean it.”

“Luke.” Reggie whines, drawing out the name as they shift their gaze to Luke, who is pouring some of his water over his head.

“No.”

“Babe! Please, I’m dying here.”

Luke sighs and rolls his eyes before crouching down, not being able to resist Reggie’s puppy dog eyes, “Hop on.”

Reggie cheers, jumping up onto his back, “Have I told you how much I love you?”

“I think you should remind me.” Luke grins, tilting his head back towards Reggie.

“Maybe I will.” They laugh, leaning forward and press their lips against Luke’s, smiling into the kiss.

“Hey!” Alex calls after them, “I’d like to be reminded too.”

“You were going to let me die, you don’t get any kisses.” Reggie looks back over their shoulder, sticking their tongue out at him.

“Well I’m the one carrying the food so maybe you should reconsider.”

“Are you bribing me?”

“I don’t know, is it working?” Alex asks.

“Yes. Yes, it is.” Reggie slaps at Luke’s shoulder, telling him to let them down.

Julie and Flynn make their way around them, wanting to make it to the top of the mountain in time.

Reggie skips down to Alex and wraps their arms around Alex’s neck, pulling him down to kiss them.

“So, can I have a snack now?”

«»

“Guys,” Flynn looks at the scene before her in exasperation, “I was gone for literally five minutes.”

“We know, help now scold later.” Reggie shifts, trying to yank his foot out for underneath Julie

“How did you even manage this?”

“We couldn’t decide which one of us got to sit in the cart and we thought we could all fit.” Julie peaks her head out from behind Luke. She blows a piece of hair out of her face so she can see, only for it to fall right back.

“You too, Alex?” Flynn asks.

Alex shrugs, looking guilty, “It seemed like a good idea at the time.”

“You’re apart of a human pretzel!”

“We won’t do it again, just get us out. I have to pee, and Luke is crushing my bladder.”

“Hey! at least you don’t have Reggie’s knees in your back,” Luke argues, “and I’m not even that- wait, Flynn are you taking pictures?”

“Oh yeah, definitely” She nods.

«»

“That’s the fourth store we’ve gotten kicked out of this week.” Flynn complains, glaring at the grocery store.

“That’s not too bad.”

“Luke, It’s Wednesday.”

«»

They sit on a pier in silence, feet dangling off the edge as they lean with their upper bodies over the bottom railing. The sun is setting, gradually receding into the waters below. The sky is more purple than red now, further indicating that their night is coming to an end.

It had been a few hours since they made their way away from the carnival that was bustling with activity to somewhere quieter. Further away from the bright lights and loud music, the yells excitement and overwhelming noise of big crowds of people all talking and closer to the sounds of waves crashing against shore and seagulls squawking.

Julie picks at her cotton candy, ripping a piece off and hands it to Alex, who accidently dropped his into the ocean below them.

“Maybe we don’t go back.” Again, It’s Luke who says it. He sounds more confident this time.

“Are parents would kill us,” Alex says. He looks down awkwardly when Luke looks at him pointedly.

“Okay, Ray would kill us.”

“Hey! Ray’s cool, he would never.” Reggie objects.

“We can’t just not go back, right?” Alex looks around at each of them, “Could we?”

Flynn shrugs, “I hear Maine is really pretty in the Fall.”

«»

Ray is cool and he does not kill them. His exact response is “I get it, I’ll miss you! Stay safe and be careful. Send post cards. And because I’m being so cool about it, you get to be the one to tell your tía.”

#car full of moments untold #luke x reggie x alex #julie x flynn #luke patterson #reggie peters #alex mercer #julie molina #flynn jatp #jatp #julie and the phantoms #jatp fic #julie and the phantoms fic #userdhylen #naomi's content

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storyweaverofgondor · 4 years ago

Note

Since it’s cold af where I am, do you have any cute Gangrust cuddling headcanons?

I do actually!

All the boys flop around in their sleep and because of this the gang had Rusty sleep on top so they wouldn’t crush him. But this is the only Only Child of the good ol’ Poppa and Belle. He use to crawl into the Rockies bed as a little trainlet and always slept best under two of his siblings.(Platonic sleep cuddles with family makes me soft fyi) It’s a sweet sentiment on the Gang’s part but Rusty can’t sleep like this. It took them waking up to Rusty at the bottom of a cuddle pile utterly dead to the world to finally accept this.

Rusty is a clingy sleeper. He just latches on and won’t let go no matter what. This had led to C.B. having a large and rather hilarious and adorable photo collection titled “The Gravity Defying Sleeping Positions Of Rusty the Train Limpet.” He originally started doing it for blackmail purposes. Now he does it because it’s cute.

Gear often drool in his sleep. So he’s at the bottom of the pile.

The Gangrust Cuddle Pile is ordered like so from top to bottom: Gear, Rusty, Tank, Lube. Rusty and Gear tend to sleep langth-wise of the bed and Lube and Tank tend to sleep width-wise of the bed. They just tetris and tangle themselves together and start snoring.

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thatmultifandomhoe · 5 years ago

Text

Hookup on an Airplane

Overview: You were finally achieving your dream of traveling the world, and first stop was South Korea. After a stressful morning and a long flight ahead, all you wanted to do was sleep on the plane, but when your seat mate offers you some help to take care of a certain problem, well, the flight suddenly becomes more fun than you expected.

Word Count: 7,505

Pairing: Hoseok and Reader

Genre/Rating: Traveling AU - Fluff - Humor - Smut galore - then back to fluff - Rated R

Warning: Oh fuck, okay, here we go. Sex in an airplane bathroom (please don’t test this theory out) hand fetish? Fingering (female receiving), Daddy kink, reading porn, dirty talk, implied Dom Hoseok and implied submissive reader (does that make sense?), hand job (male receiving), unprotected sex, cream pie, rough sex.

Master List

©thatmultifandomhoe 2019. Do not repost, translate, or use my stories without permission.

Author’s Note: So there’s actually a story about why I wrote this particular Fic. If you’ve been on my blog for a while, then y’all most likely know of my friendship with @worldwidebt7. We have some wild interactions and enjoy torturing each other with gifs of our biases, and have no shame in starting Gif Wars.

There was one particular Gif of our mutual Bias Hoseok that circulated the internet - the one where he was walking out of the airport wearing only a denim jacket that was barely buttoned up and his shorts were hanging low. And my dear Ali - @worldwidebt7 - among our mutual dying, said that if I were to write it, she would draw it.

The evidence as stated:

*Cue the evil laughter.* With that being said, if you’re interested, you can check out that conversation right here. If not, you can skip to the story.

Have fun!

Standing on your toes, you bit your bottom lip in concentration as you tried to shove your duffle bag into the overhead compartment. From the looks of it, the people sitting in your general area had no idea how to place bags and decided to simply toss them in and sit down. You on the other hand, were a Tetris addict and knew how to make any shape fit into any spot with room to spare, and it was driving you insane that you couldn’t rearrange the bags already in here without getting help.

You glanced over your shoulder to see that a line had built up as they waited for you to get out of their way, so taking a short break you moved into your seat, grateful that no one else in your aisle had shown up yet.

As the line of people filtered out to their seats, you took the moment to sigh, running a hand through your hair. This was supposed to be a fun get away vacation to travel, try new food and create memories, but so far yesterday and up until a few minutes ago, it had been nothing but chaos. A simple phone call with your best friend ended up in the two of you fighting, which resulted in you going to bed late so when you woke up this morning, you had to rush and push the speed limits to make it to the airport on time. Now you couldn’t even get your stupid duffle bag into the overhead compartment.

All you wanted right now was sit in your seat and drink a few of those small nip bottles that the air hostess offered.

“That’s my seat.”

Ripped from your thoughts, you were surprised to see a man standing in the aisle, a ticket in hand and a bag on his shoulder. A purple bucket hat covered his hair and his white mask was pulled underneath his chin, allowing him to speak clearly.

“Uh, sorry. I just need to get my bag up there,” you spoke, pointing up at the apartment.

He leaned his head back and smiled, offering a hand. “Oh, I can get it in there for you.”

A part of you wanted to tell him no, that you were perfectly capable of getting it in yourself, but you knew that if you tried again, you’d only be humiliating yourself. With how everyone else just threw theirs in, it was no use for you.

Handing over the bag, you smiled. “Thank you.”

“No problem.”

In seconds, he had your bag up in the compartment and after a quick glance around, shut the door to it.

You couldn’t believe it. “How?”

His eyebrows raised at you in surprise, hands still up on the compartment. “I’m sorry?”

“I spent forever trying to get it in there but it refused to fit,” you explained. “But you were able to do it like it was nothing.”

He stood there in the middle of the aisle, not entirely sure how to answer your question. Luckily, he didn’t have to come up with something on the spot.

“Excuse me,” an air hostess spoke, coming up to your row. She smiled but the corners of her eyes didn’t move. “We’ll be getting ready to take off soon so the two of you need to sit down.”

Apologizing, you turned your ticket back over to check the seating. “I’m in the window seat,” you told him, moving further into the row until you sat down.

He squinted at his own ticket and looked at the seat number on the outer aisle. “Looks like I’m in the middle. Hope you don’t mind.”

“Not at all.”

The nice stranger gave you a quick smile as he got in his own seat, slipping his bag on his lap before buckling up. “I’m Hoseok by the way.”

Figuring he had been kind enough to put your bag away for you and seemed like a decent person, you didn’t mind saying your name.

Conversation stopped then as the air hostess’s voice came over the speaker, going over the safety procedures and how to work the seatbelts. After only a few minutes your attention span was itching for something else to focus on, not able to pay attention to her monotone voice anymore.

Shifting in your seat, your noticed Hoseok glance at you out of the corner of your eye, but you played it off as simply trying to get comfortable. You were, but as you leaned back against the head rest, you found yourself stealing another peak at him, this time trying to not get caught.

It was obvious he was dressed for comfort. Sweat pants and a basic tank top, but his jacket with the white stars going down the sleeves seemed like a last-minute decision. Either this wasn’t his first time flying and he just wanted an easy trip, or he didn’t give a damn about airport appearances.

Since you were rushed this morning, comfort had been the only choice as you had thrown on a pair of old jean shorts and a tank top. It was also supposed to be hot when you landed in South Korea, so you weren’t risking death by heat stroke.

“Boring, isn’t it?” Hoseok softly whispered, leaning his head slightly closer to yours when he finally looked at you.

“Yeah,” you murmured, wetting your lips as you glanced at the front of the plane for a brief moment. When you looked back at Hoseok, the corner of his brown eyes crinkled up in amusement. This close up, you were able to make out the faint heart shape his lips made.

It was cute.

“At least we’re all the way back here,” he continued, shifting to the side and leaning closer to you momentarily as he pulled out his phone from his back pocket. “That way we’re not in her direct line of sight.”

“Thank god,” you joked, opening up your purse for the small book you had tossed in a few nights ago. “I don’t think she really knows what it means to smile either.”

He chuckled, shoulders shaking as he leaned back against the head rest, barely paying any attention to the flight attendant.

After locating the novel, you raised an eyebrow as you tried to look above the heads of the people sitting in front of you in a last-ditch attempt to pay attention, but you were unable to see clearly.

“She’s almost done,” Hoseok murmured, spotting you trying and adjusting in your seat out of the corner of his eye.

You lifted your hands off your legs as if to praise the holy gods hiding up above, making Hoseok laugh again. He was right though. By the time you settled back against the seat, the voice overhead came to stop, allowing various conversations to pick up once again.

Flicking through the pages, you noticed Hoseok slouching back in his seat, his chest rising before he deeply sighed. For some reason, the action caused the corner of your lip to curl up, amused by him.

“I hate to be that boring seat mate,” he spoke, capturing your attention again. “But I think I’m going to sleep since this is gonna be a long flight. Do you mind snagging me any of those snacks they come around with for when I wake up?”

“Not at all,” you reassured, his smile sending your heart racing.

It seemed like only minutes afterwards, once you were finally reading your book, Hoseok was out like a light. Now that you weren’t worried about getting caught, you took the chance to glance over your seat mate.

He was without a doubt, hot as hell. The tips of his hair reached his eyebrows, skin perfectly tan. Then there was the fact that he was actually nice, and funny. Jeez, he was batting for a hundred on your list.

Licking your lips, you turned back to your book, rereading the first sentence for the fourth time already. It felt like forever by the time you were reached the end of the first page, but as you continued, you couldn’t recall what you had already read.

Another glance at Hoseok had you inhaling a shaky breath. His arms were loosely crossed over his stomach, his fingers long and thin like a pianist were resting on the armrest. On its own, your mind conquered up other images, all possibilities of how he might use those fingers on you.

“Fucking hell,” you muttered, closing the book shut to lightly slap the cover against your forehead.

This was going to be a long ass flight.

True to your word though, each time the hostess came around with snacks, you acquired one not just for yourself, but also for Hoseok for whenever he woke up. It had gotten to the point that you had a small little pile and when she came around again, you didn’t dare ask for the mini packet of peanut butter crackers with the look she gave you.

It had been three hours since Hoseok fell asleep, but when he did wake up, he frowned as he glanced around, disorientated from the nap and as if he couldn’t remember where he was.

You waited a few moments for him to gather himself before holding up the snack sized M&Ms, giving them a little shake for extra effect.

“I have snacks,” you softly declared, not wanting to disrupt or annoy any of the other passengers.

Hoseok raised an eyebrow, his lips curling into a smile as you passed his stash over to him. “You are the best fucking person ever. Thank you.”

Shrugging, you took a sip of your water while he ripped into the food. “It’s no problem.”

“You’re still the best.”

That made you chuckle. “I just saved you some snacks, it’s not like I gave you a winning lottery ticket.”

“Anyone else would have just gotten themselves the food,” Hoseok pointed out, pausing to swallow before continuing. “And would have figured that since I was sleeping, I get to miss out. But it’s not my fault for being so tired. I blame my friends for that.”

The comment caught you off guard, making you wonder if he was going to go off on a rant. But despite not knowing the context, you were able to relate to a point. “What happened?”

He shook his head, leaning back in his seat but this time, turning so he was facing you. “One of my best friends, Yoongi, just got out of this relationship. He’s been with this guy Jungkook for years – who’s a great guy by the way, I mean it - but they broke up. I still don’t know why, but Yoongi called me drunk off his ass, and so I had to go find him and bring him back to another friends’ house where we tried to calm him down and get to sleep.”

You winced at the mention of a break up. Break ups were never any fun, and to have to help out a friend with one the night before a flight to another country, it was a miracle that Hoseok hadn’t slept longer than he had.

“I’m sorry,” you apologized.

Hoseok shrugged, focusing on the remaining M&Ms he dumped into his palm. “I’m just hoping they work it out.”

“How long were they together?”

“Four years.” Holding out his hand with the candy, he nodded for you to take some. Not wanting to be rude, you took the red ones as he continued.

“They’ve both had it rough but together, it’s like they were able to overcome their problems. They brought out the best in each other. Which is why we’re hoping that they get back together.”

Despite not knowing the troubled couple, you found yourself nodding in agreement. What you knew about love, was that it wasn’t always sunshine and rainbows like it was made out to be. The honeymoon stage wasn’t a permanent residence, but a minor travel spot on the way to the main destination.

“Enough about my friends,” Hoseok suddenly spoke, looking up at you. “What about you?”

“What about me?”

A smile grew on his face. “What got you buying a plane ticket to South Korea – and I’m assuming here – all by yourself? Didn’t want to share the adventure with anyone?”

This time, you were the one shrugging as you looked down, pushing the last two pieces of candy around in your palm. “It’s kinda dumb,” you warned, glancing at Hoseok.

He frowned, head tilting in interest. “Nothing’s dumb if it means something to you.”

His remark had you pausing. All your life you had been told to chase after your dreams, but to also be smart going about them. Sometimes it was better to simply walk than to run. So growing up, you always did what was expected and played things safely, that way one day, you would be able to go running like you wanted.

“When I was younger, I always wanted to go backpacking through Asia,” you explained, feeling the weight of his eyes as he focused on you. You couldn’t remember the last time someone gave you their attention like this.

“Back then though, I never realized how much time and money it would take to do that, so I always thought it would never happen. But then I realized, just because I couldn’t visit every single country in Asia at once, didn’t mean that I couldn’t visit a country or two once in a while.”

Again, you shrugged, sheepishly smiling when you noticed that Hoseok hadn’t looked away. When he didn’t say anything right away, you began to wonder if maybe you had said too much. Maybe you should have said that it was just a spur of the moment trip, anything to have kept it short and simple.

“See,” Hoseok gently spoke. “That’s not dumb. In fact, it’s pretty smart and admirable that you’re doing something you’ve always dreamed about. Not a lot of people follow their dreams anymore.”

Raising an eyebrow, you leaned back against your seat. “No offense, but that sounds like a line from Tangled.”

His lips curled into the sweetest smile then as he laughed, your own giggles joining in as the two of you ignored the pointed looks coming from the air hostess as she passed by.

“Hey, I could make a great Eugene Fitzherbert you know.”

“I don’t doubt that.”

Giggling again, you ran a hand through your hair, glancing at your phone that was in the other. With a quick tap it revealed the time, although that didn’t really matter because the flight itself still had over ten hours left. Before you were even able to stop and cover your mouth, a yawn suddenly escaped.

“Why don’t you take a nap?” Hoseok suggested. “We’re gonna be flying for a while, might as well catch all the sleep you can get.”

You hummed in agreement, already thinking it’d help to pass the time too. Hoseok chuckled, watching as you shifted in your seat to find a moderately comfortable position – although he knew that was absolutely impossible to do on an airplane.

It only took a matter of minutes. The combination of lack of sleep and nerves on flying solo to a foreign country where you knew no one, had eased while talking with Hoseok, allowing you to slip into an easy and more than welcomed nap, with dreams that involved your seatmate in ways that would have had you blushing had you been awake.

Blinking your eyes open, you squinted in the somewhat dark airplane. The lights above each seat where turned off with the exception of a few passengers up front, otherwise enveloping the rest of the plane in darkness.

A groan slipped through your lips as you sat up, back cracking from the awkward position you had shifted to while in dreamland. Pressing a hand against a specific sore spot, you glanced over at Hoseok, remembering your unusually vivid dreams.

His lips had been murmuring filth in your ear from behind, long fingers trailing down your stomach until they reached down to your core as his hips snapped at a merciless pace. You wondered if he groaned the same way as he did in your dreams, breathlessly but rough as he took you the way he wanted.

You wet your lips, shakily inhaling as you settled back against your seat, this time uncomfortable for a whole other reason. This was the last thing you need. Hell, you shouldn’t even be thinking about it in the first place. He was practically a stranger; someone you’ve only known for a handful of hours and the only reason for that was by sheer luck. If had decided to cancel your flight, you were certain that you wouldn’t have ever met him.

But the more you thought about it, the harder it was to not imagine it. Crossing your legs, you mentally cursed upon feeling the familiar wetness. Now you really were uncomfortable and aching for some relief.

Locating your phone, you chewed your bottom lip while opening up your blog feed, scrolling through it in an attempt to find something to hold you over. If not until you were able to check in to your hotel room, then to at least the end of the flight.

You mindlessly scrolled, passing pictures of nature and the occasional text post, stopping to read one that captured your attention for more than a few seconds. Nothing however, seemed to distract you from replaying your dreams, even finding yourself zoning out occasionally.

Since you weren’t paying attention, your thumb was still scrolling for you, and when you finally refocused on the screen, you sat up with a sudden jolt. Your eyes widened in shock as you stared at the image. The blog name was a familiar one, jogging enough recognition from your memory that you knew it wasn’t SFW at all, and the black and white gif that was being used at the top of the post only emphasized that.

A quick glance at Hoseok confirmed that he was once again sleeping, head back, eyes closed and earbuds firmly placed in his ears. You should have exited out and onto a different blog, but when you finally looked back at your phone, you automatically swallowed at the sight of a cock ramming into some woman.

It had been a while since you last had sex – only having yourself and a trusty vibrator to take care of the job – and after that dream, it didn’t take much to get you horny. Taking once last look at Hoseok to make sure he was still asleep; you dimmed the brightness to zero and began to read the erotica.

His fat cock slammed into her, sending her gasping as she gripped the blankets underneath her. He had slid in with ease, their previous playing had left her plenty wet enough. As he thrust, her clit rubbed against the blankets and she was moaning, delirious as his grip tightened on her hips.

“You like that baby?” he grunted, the sound of his pelvis slapping against her ass echoing in the bedroom. “You like it when I fuck you like this?”

She moaned instead, pushing onto her elbows so she was no longer lying flat on her stomach, but he was quick to put her back into that position and tugged on her hair.

“I told you not to move unless I said to,” he spoke, slowing his thrusts in response to her disobedience.

“I’m sorry Daddy,” she groaned, hoping to please him so he’d go faster again.

He grinned though and stopped thrusting, using his other hand to slap her ass, enjoying the way her body jumped at the contact and her moan when her clit was pressed harder against the blankets. “Sorry for what?”

“Sorry for being a bad girl,” she was quick to answer. “Sorry for not doing what you told me to do.”

"That’s better.” Releasing her hair, he grabbed her hips and without warning, tugged her further off the bed so this time only the middle of her stomach and up were actually on it, and harshly thrust into her, setting the pace faster than when he stopped. “But I’m not sure if you deserve to cum.”

She whined, no longer feeling the rubbing on her clit anymore. “Please Daddy. Please let me cum.”

He grunted from above her, slamming into her slick pussy as he reached a hand up to squeeze her nipple. A ripple of pleasure jolted through her and her walls squeezed around his cock. His was the only one that filled and fit her so perfectly. They had been at it for hours now and he already made her cum more times than she could count, but her body reacted to his touch and demanded another orgasm from him.

“Do you deserve to cum?”

“Yes Daddy, please. I’ve always been such a good girl.”

She was, he knew that, and so he wrapped an arm around her hips and reached down with his other one, vigorously rubbing her clit as he went harder and faster, feeling his balls tense up in his own orgasm.

“That’s some shitty porn,” a hushed voice whispered in your ear.

You jumped in your seat, fumbling to turn off the phone as you clutched your pounding chest, suddenly looking up.

Hoseok had raised an eyebrow, chuckling at your reaction. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to read over your shoulder, but I caught one line and couldn’t stop reading.”

You were still shocked. You had gotten caught by your hot seat mate while reading porn. But instead of that making you feel uncomfortable, it turned you on even more.

“It’s…it’s fine,” you murmured, wetting your lips as you forced yourself to look away from him.

He softly hummed in amusement, watching as you shifted in your seat. While you had been engrossed in your reading, he had taken the moment to look around. Everyone around them was sleeping, and the flight attendants were at the front of the plane.

Leaning forward, he brushed his lips against the outer curve of your ear, making sure they touched with every word. “You don’t seem to mind being horny on a plane.” He murmured. “In fact, you seem to be…unsatisfied.”

Any memory of how to breathe seemed to escape you then, leaving you like stone at the feel of his soft lips. He was right though. If anything, you wanted to sneak off to the bathroom and finish the job, but the gears in your mind shifted.

Finally taking a shaky breath, you softly smiled as you carefully placed your palm on the inside of his thigh. “Are you suggesting that you finger me?” You murmured back, feeling your heart race when his hand slowly crept up your own bare thigh, fingers teasing the skin when he reached the edge of your shorts.

“Actually, I was suggesting we fuck,” he answered back. Tilting his head, he kissed the back of your neck, fingers roaming over near the place you wanted them. “But like I said, that porn you were reading was shitty, and I’m betting that I can make you wetter than some half ass erotica.”

His tongue wet the skin he kissed and it took everything in you to not lean back in pleasure. If you did, he wouldn’t be able to kiss you. “How about both?” You breathed out.

Feeling his lips curl against your neck, his hand cupped your covered core. “Sounds like you’re my kind of woman.” He lifted his head to double check that no one was looking as you fixed the blanket to cover both your bodies.

The thought of what you were doing sent a thrill through you, and while Hoseok was shifting in his seat to get closer, you slipped a hand underneath the blanket and undid your shorts, tugging them down just enough to give him the room he needed.

When Hoseok slipped his hand back underneath the blanket, he was surprised to feel the soft lace of your underwear instead of the rough denim. He darkly chuckled as he circled your clit with his index finger, leaning his head against yours once again.

“Eager, are we?”

“Please,” you whispered, shifting your hips against his touch.

He kissed your temple. “Stay quiet baby, or else we’ll get caught.”

When you nodded, he rubbed his fingers over your covered center, teasing and working you up. His touch was like being electrocuted, pleasure coursing through your body and this was only a tasting. What you wanted was him inside you.

Sliding his fingers under the fabric, he nearly groaned upon feeling how wet you already were. “Scoot forward a little,” he murmured, all while rubbing your clit.

You pressed your lips together to keep quiet, but as you shifted like he asked, it took everything and then some to hold back the moan when he slid his middle finger inside. His soft groan echoed in your ear and for a moment you thought someone heard, but when you saw no one looking back at you, your body relaxed against the seat.

“Fuck, you’re so wet for me baby,” he murmured, pulling his fingers out only to push them back in. As much as he wanted to say fuck it and go to town on you, he had to be mindful that the two of you didn’t make too much noise as he easily slipped a second finger in.

You shakily sighed, moving your head to lean against his shoulder instead as he slowly pumped you. When his fingers were coated, he pulled them back to circle your clit, resulting in you gasping as you clutched his thigh.

Hoseok gasped himself, grounding his teeth so not to groan, because what you had grabbed, was not his thigh.

It took a second, but as you felt what you held, you realized that instead of going for his thigh, you had grabbed his crotch. Specifically, his dick.

The blanket covered Hoseok as well, so you slipped your own hand under his shorts and underwear, wrapping your fingers around his cock. He was hard and without the blanket, there was probably a noticeable tent.

“Oh shit,” he whispered, squeezing his eyes shut as his fingers briefly stilled. He hadn’t expected you to go ahead and do that, but he found himself lifting his hips every time your hand went down.

He was fairly thick, but what your mouth watering up was his length. You wouldn’t be surprised that if he was fully erect in these shorts and went without the underwear, he’d have a peeping tom. Testing the limits, you ran your thumb against his head – feeling a bead a pre-cum already coming out – and spread it across him.

His hips jerked, but he didn’t forget about you. Your legs were already shaking and he could hear you trying to catch your breath, so he figured it must have been a while since you’ve been with another person. The thought that you were letting him do this – on an airplane nonetheless – made him grin as he focused solely on making you cum.

“Oh god,” you whispered, feeling your insides twist in anticipation. “Fuck, Hoseok…” Knowing that you risked getting caught, you didn’t think twice about burying your face in his shoulder, biting down on his jacket while squeezing your eyes shut as your orgasm washed over you.

Even then he didn’t stop. Not when you bit him or as he felt your hips jerk as he pushed you past the breaking point. All it did was turn him on even more.

“See,” he murmured, slowly removing his hand from underneath the blanket without touching it. A quick glance around the room reassured that the two of you were still on the safe side. “I can make you wetter than damn erotica.”

You nodded in agreement, lifting your head off his shoulder just in time to watch him stick his fingers in his mouth – the very ones that had you seeing stars. He kept his eyes locked on yours as he sucked them clean, his dark eyes overfilling with lust until he popped them out.

Never in your entire life had you done something as risky as this. You weren’t one who didn’t know how to keep their hands off of their boyfriend while in public. But Hoseok wasn’t your boyfriend, and maybe that was why you found yourself leaning forward and kissing him, endorphins running wild as he reciprocated and shoved his tongue in to mingle with yours.

It was wet, messy, and everything you wanted.

“Gotta let go of my cock baby girl,” he murmured, breaking the kiss. “Or else I’m not gonna be able to fuck you senseless.”

He was breathing heavily but was still smiling, especially when your eyes widened in shock and you released him. How you managed to forget that went beyond you, but it wasn’t surprising when Hoseok started to speak again.

“Everyone’s still asleep, and those flight attendants are still up-front talking shit.” Looking over his shoulder, you followed his line of sight to see that the bathroom had the green sign on it. “You go in first and I’ll be there in a few. I’ll knock twice so you know it’s me. That is, if you still want me to fuck you right now.”

If you were still thinking with the rational side of your brain, you should have realized that this wasn’t the smartest thing to do. Hell, it wasn’t even the most sanitary place to have sex. But rationality had been thrown out the window the second you kept reading that blog. And if you were being honest, after feeling Hoseok’s dick in your own hand, you’d be a liar to say you didn’t want him to fuck you senseless. He had the jewels to do so.

“Don’t make me wait long.” Pulling your shorts back on, you ran a hand through your hair and took a deep breath. Like he had said, everyone else was still sleeping like rocks, and as you closed the door to the bathroom behind you, the area was empty.

When the door closed, you leaned your back against the wall, trying to figure out how it was going to work. The space was small and cramped, with just barely enough room for one person. The toilet had a lid covering it, so maybe he’d be able to sit…your thoughts were interrupted with a gentle knock at the door, and then a second one.

You quickly opened the door and Hoseok didn’t waste time to get in, closing and locking it behind him. Without the blanket covering him now, his erection was obvious in the shorts he wore.

Once he was in, all thinking went out the window as he hungrily kissed you, hands slipping your shirt and feeling your body up as you tangled your fingers in his hair. Now that the two of you weren’t out in the open, Hoseok softly moaned against your lips.

As abruptly as the kiss started, he pulled back while simultaneously undoing your shorts. “Even though I would love to fuck you like you deserve, we don’t have enough time.”

“How are we even…?” Your voice faded out as Hoseok chuckled.

He abandoned your shorts and gently taking you by the hips, turned so you were facing the wall, placing your hands up in front of you. “Oh. This makes sense.”

“Got any better ideas baby?” Hoseok asked, taking it upon himself to push your shorts down for you.

You bit your bottom lip as you looked over your shoulder, smiling at him when he met your gaze. He was dropping his own shorts, his dick fully erected as it slapped against his lower torso. In seconds he was going to be inside you. That thought alone not only had your arousal dripping down your thigh, but your mouth watering.

“I’m on the pill,” you said instead, propping your arms against the wall while pushing your lower half backwards for him.

For a second, Hoseok frowned in confusion, but the clarity of what you said appeared in his eyes with a low groan. Knowing that he was short on time, he pressed against you and pushed your panties to the side, sliding a finger through your lips and into you with ease. “You are dripping baby,” he murmured in your ear, lining up with your entrance. “By the time I’m done, this pussy is going to be a fucking mess.”

With that being said, he pushed into your entrance.

Gasping, you pressed your lips together and leaned your forehead against the wall, spreading your legs a little further apart for him. He didn’t hesitate to thrust his entire length inside you, making you feel fuller than you’ve been before when having sex. He leaned his head against yours, his heavy breathing loud in your ear.

“Fuck,” you whispered, wiggling your hips against him. “Fuck me Hoseok, we don’t have time.”

“A woman after my own heart,” he teased, but listened to you. His hands tightened on your hips and pulled out until only his head was still buried inside before thrusting back in, setting a harsh pace with short thrusts due to the lack of space.

A soft moan tried to escape your lips but you shifted your arm further up on the wall, allowing you to bite the skin. The movement not only muffled your sounds, but had made you bend forward a little bit more, allowing Hoseok to hit deeper.

“You like this?” He darkly murmured in your ear. “You like me fucking you on an airplane? Or are you just so cock hungry you’d let anyone finger and fuck you?”

Not wanting to speak, you shook your head in response and luckily, Hoseok was lenient considering the circumstance.

“Just me then? Well I’ll make sure that everyone knows whose pussy this belongs to. They’ll be able to smell the sex coming off of you.”

Closing your eyes, your legs began to tremble from the awkward position. His words were absolute filth, and it turned you on even more. You wanted him to do everything he said to you and more.

“Too bad we’re short on time,” he spoke. His cock was already tensing up and his thrusts were coming harder and faster, but he wanted you to cum once more. Releasing a hip, he slipped his hand back down the front of your panties and gathering some of your slick, he vigorously rubbed at your clit. “I’m gonna pump you full of my cum, and you’re going to keep it in for me baby girl.”

You jerked in his grip, chest heaving and tears leaking out of the corner of your eyes as he drew another orgasm from you. Unconsciously, your walls gripped around his cock and with the feeling of you cumming on him, Hoseok thrusted harshly once more and pressed his chest firmly against your back, releasing inside you.

The small room felt like a hundred degrees and as Hoseok held himself still inside you so not a single drop spilled out, it felt like you were coming down from a high. Knowing that this was the only chance you could do this with Hoseok, you wanted another hit despite that little fact.

Taking a deep breath, Hoseok pressed his forehead against the side of your head, gently kissing your cheek, a surprising action considering how he had been a few seconds ago. It didn’t go unnoticed that he was also rubbing your hips, like he was trying to make up for something.

“You okay?” He softly asked, lips brushing against yours in a faint kiss when you turned to look at him.

You nodded. In fact, you felt more than okay. You felt fucking fantastic.

The corner of your lips curved upwards as you closed the short distance between your mouths, kissing him again. This time slowly, savoring the way his lips moved with yours.

“We can kiss all you want out there,” he joked, pecking your lips once more. “But we need to get out of here undetected first.”

For the first time your mind wasn’t hazy with lust and desire. Now that the two of you were sexually satisfied – somewhat - it was easy to find humor in the situation. As you pushed off the wall, Hoseok carefully pulled out of you, sliding your underwear back in place.

“Not a single drop spilled,” he cooed, kissing your shoulder before tugging your shorts back up. When you were dressed, he maneuvered you so you were closer to the door. “You go first. I’ll be out in a few minutes baby.”

Waiting for him to turn back around, you unlocked the door and slid it shut once you were out. The short walk to your seat had you rolling your eyes in disbelief. It wasn’t all that surprising people were still asleep, but the flight attendants were still at the front of the plane, unaware that two of their passengers had just fucked in the bathroom.

However, you were smiling as you sat down, tapping the screen of your phone for the time. It was early in the morning, but there were still several hours until the plane landed. Pulling the blanket back over your body, you had just gotten comfortable when the seat next to you was no longer empty.

Turning to look at Hoseok, you were confused to see that his tank top was balled up in his hand and only wearing his jacket with two buttons fastened to keep it closed.

“What happened?”

His nose scrunched up as he took his plastic drink cup, pouring some of the contents on it. “While I was cleaning up,” he whispered, glancing up the aisle. “Some of it had gotten on my shirt. Are they still up there?”

“Yeah.”

Hoseok rolled his eyes. “God, you’d think they were the ones having sex.”

You jokingly jabbed him in the sides, making him laugh as he cupped your cheek to kiss you.

“I’ll be right back; I need to throw this shirt out.” He tilted it to admire the wine stains, smiling like a Cheshire cat. “It’s got soda stains on it.”

Without another word, he got up and made his way to the front, his face contorting into an embarrassed frown as he awkwardly waved his hand to get their attention. From the back of the plane, you were able to watch as the flight attendant who didn’t know how to smile took the shirt from Hoseok, pointing to something that you couldn’t exactly see. Most likely a small bin for trash, but it had him smiling. Even from this far back, you could hear his grateful thank you.

His lips were pressed together, eyes meeting yours for a brief moment only to look away when his shoulders jerked in an attempt to hold in his laughter. It wasn’t until you held the blanket up for him and the two of you got as close as possible that you erupted into quiet giggles.

“I’ve never enjoyed a flight more than this one,” Hoseok suddenly said, stretching an arm around you, allowing you to rest your head on his chest.

You hummed in agreement, softly smiling when his lips kissed your forehead. This was not at all how you thought the flight was going to go, but you were not complaining in the slightest. Especially when Hoseok’s cum was still stuffed inside you, a reminder that what happened was not a wet dream.

“So, what are your plans after we land?” He asked.

Confused, you tilted your head back to look up at him. The plans you had in mind had long since disappeared from your mind. It was like recalling smoke. “Um…honestly, I think I was just going to check in to my hotel,” you answered, slightly frowning in concentration. “Yeah, I don’t think I had anything planned for right after we landed. I have some ideas written down, but nothing solid yet. Why? What were you planning?”

He shrugged, taking a deep breath as he leaned his head back against the seat. “Same thing, find my hotel, find somewhere to eat dinner tonight.” He drummed his fingers against your side, chewing on the side of his cheek while lost in thought. Then he turned to look back down at you, a soft smile appearing on his face the longer he stared. “What if…we stayed together? In the same hotel, and room. I hear exploring a foreign country is a lot more fun with another person.”

The smooth repetition of his fingers against your skin relaxed you, a comfort you found yourself relishing in as you sighed. The thought had crossed your mind when you were first planning on this vacation, but you had dismissed it when the few friends you knew would have joined you said they couldn’t, and with no one else to ask, settled for traveling by yourself.

Now the idea seemed lonely and unappealing, especially with this wonderful man who held you in his arms.

Sweetly smiling, you stretched up and kissed him again, taking all the time you wanted. You felt his hands wrap around the small of your back as if to cradle you, a tilt of his head allowing the kiss to become something more, but not as intense as before. Lust and desire had been replaced with adoration and a tenderness that made you want to cry. The passion was still there, and you knew that if you said no, you’d be saying no to so much more than a vacation with Hoseok.

Life didn’t casually hand out men like Hoseok every day.

You squinted at the loud noise that filled the room, confused because you couldn’t remember falling asleep again. There was a chuckling coming from above you and as you slowly sat up and looked around, you noticed that Hoseok was gone.

“Right here baby.”

Turning in the direction of the voice, you smiled when you finally saw him. He was standing in the aisle, your duffle bag in the seat where he had been sitting. “The plane landed so I got your bag for you and threw out our trash.”

“Thank you,” you said, folding the blanket as you sat there. Your seats were at the very back of the plane so it would be awhile before you could leave. “Were you able to call the hotel?” Before falling asleep, you had given Hoseok the number and address for the hotel you were staying at so that he could call and inform the staff that there would be two people staying in the room now.

“Yup,” he cheerfully answered, taking the blanket you handed him and putting it in your duffle bag for you. “And I cancelled my stay at the hotel I was going to use. They weren’t exactly, pleased with my last-minute call.”

Chuckling, you stood and looked around one last time, double checking that you had everything, before going to Hoseok and wrapping your arms around his neck. “What did they want you to say?” You teased, gently kissing him as his hands found their home on your hips. “That you met someone on the plane and decided to follow her every move?”

He laughed as his fingers drew deep circles in your sides, kissing you once before leaning back to gaze at you, his eyes shining with happiness. “More like my seat mate turned out to be this beautiful woman who I ended up fucking on the plane, only to discover that leaving her after the flight sounded worse than death.”

He had lowered his voice and gave a knowing grin as he pressed his forehead against yours. “I mean it though. Leaving you after what we did, it felt so wrong. Plus, I want to spend as much time with you as I can.”

“Why’s that?” You softly asked, not knowing how a simple flight managed to turn into all this.

Hoseok’s eyes seemed to radiate sunshine as he gently kissed the tip of your nose. “Because I am guaranteed two weeks, in a foreign country, with someone who I believe is going to change my entire life.”

The fact that he felt the same way, had you wondering if maybe fate had played a hand in this meeting. Noticing that the plane was starting to thin out, you knew that the adventure was only going to start once the two of you left.

“If I’m going to change your entire life,” you whispered back, “then that means you’re going to be in it for a lot longer than two weeks.”

His lips curled up in amusement, determination flashing in his gaze as he handed you your bag. “I guess we’ll find out at the end of these two weeks then.”

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crybabybrando · 4 years ago

Photo

@oddverse

yes to all,,,,,, i care them,,,,,,,, im sorry but you found my secret rarepair ot3, though i wont include any shipping related headcanons here because thats not the focus

excuse me as i get ramble-y with these for a hot minute, i know ive shared a few headcanons for these guys before so im gunna try not to repeat myself too much!

Ghiaccio

related to my headcanon that he can sew: he knows how to make quilts and may or may not secretly be working on one that when he finishes will be left on the HQ couch and then adamantly deny any questions about where the mystery quilt came from

everybody knows ghiaccio, you arent subtle.....

ironically, his teeth are cold sensitive

there’s a bakery he likes to visit even though he doesnt have much of a sweet tooth, he’s friends with the old man who runs it and is constantly accosted by the resident neapolitan mastiff for ear rubs

Pesci

was that kid where when your parents bring you into a walmart they just leave you in the fish aisle to stare at all the tanks and dream about eating the colored gravel

is learning to play the guitar

once grabbed a pigeon out of pure instinct and then panicked because he didnt know what to do afterwards (just.... just let go of the bird, pesci...... its a pigeon..... release it back to the wilds of the city streets)

one of the rare people who’ve seen prosciutto cry and lived to tell the tale keep the secret (it was after giving him a specific grateful dead album for his birthday. but that ties into a completely different headcanon regarding prosciutto’s backstory so i wont go in depth here because this post is already very long)

he likes those little gacha capsule machines full of stupid stuff and fake tattoos, its just a fun thing to throw a small amount of money away on when he needs a pick-me-up

Formaggio

ive said these before but ill say them again: he collects miniatures/figurines & his singing voice sounds similar to the lead for the band Lustra

fits way more shit in his tiny apartment than he should be able to. partially because of his stand and partially because hes just like, weirdly good at Real World Tetris (he always loads the dishwasher at hq because hes actually good at it unlike melone who loads it all wonky so stuff doesnt actually get clean or like gelato who just constantly leaves way too much space like theres still room in the machine gelato just move the fucking bowls for the love of god)

hes got a mundane superpower in his ability to always be able to recommend music to people that they end up liking. he listens to a lot of stuff himself even if its not always on the top of his own lists. he accidentally got prosciutto into Nirvana (he was trying to introduce illuso to them actually)

this headcanon originates from my sister but basically if one of us has a headcanon so does the other; she had the idea of nondysphoric trans man formaggio who just constantly walks around la squadra HQ in a pair of boxers and no shirt with his titties out and like,,,,,,,, as a nondysphoric trans man myself i approve ((@ truscum/transmeds, bite my ass))

#im glad to babble about my ships if anybody asks/is curious #👉👈 its a mix of popular ships and rarepairs #like a weird amount of rarepairs that literally appear to me in the middle of the night #thank you for these asks btw they really got my mind of of things and cheered me up <3 #the world: talk time #headcanon #actually im willing to talk about family/friend relationships i headcanon too #oddverse #golden wind #formaggio #ghiaccio #pesci #la squadra

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arabrot · 4 years ago

Text

Who Do You Love by John Doran

Who Do You Love?

We drove 5,000 miles of barbed wire.

You’d think that by travelling that distance around a country you could get the measure of it. Especially if the country was only 361 miles from top to bottom and even less from East to West. You’d be thinking reasonably but not accurately.

Despite journeying the equivalent of one fifth of the circumference of the entire Earth in 31 days, all we got to see was the road itself. England endless. What we experienced was just a percentage of a splodge, a smidge of a blotch on the coastal fringe of Europe that deserved neither the sobriquet Great, nor the title United. How did such a small area of land contain such extravagant lengths of major road? In the same way that a human body could house a tapeworm 33 metres long. Probably not comfortably but hopefully not fatally either. Undoubtedly, in May 2015 - general election month - England had beauty to spare: it’s just that none of it was visible from the motorway.

We met on the forecourt of a petrol station near an airport. Heat haze was already starting to rise from the tarmac. The Driver was dressed immaculately in a tight-fitting black suit, shades and wide-brimmed black hat. His concession to non-monochromatic decoration was silver chains carrying cocks and crosses. He looked like Asa Hawkes, the “blind” preacher from Flannery O’Connor’s Wise Blood - but much thinner. He tipped the brim of his hat hello. This was not his stage hat but his everyday hat. His stage hat, the kind of prairie Stetson featured in the opening scene of Holy Mountain was massive and kept in the kind of box that suggested it was an essential part of a drum kit. It had its own carefully allotted slot in the back of the van with the tons of amplifiers, speaker cabinets, guitars, synthesizers, boxes of books, suitcases full of clothes and bags and bags of oranges we were taking with us. There was only one way to fit all of this stuff into the vehicle, and packing it correctly was like 3-D Tetris. All it took was one giant, impractical hat in the wrong place and then everything had to be taken out again and reloaded in the correct position.

He was the colour of milk, which made the angry red scars up either side of his neck all the more vivid. He looked like the missing link between human being and some future race of Lovecraftian eel-men who would be able to breathe via gills under water.

As well as me and the Driver, there was the Passenger. She looked more like she had stepped straight from the set of Bladerunner than a Jodorowsky or John Huston movie. This was to be their last tour as boyfriend and girlfriend as they were headed straight to a deconsecrated church in rural Sweden to get married as soon as the trip ended. I was merely a temporary guest in their world. A road voyeur with a month long pass.

Within minutes of setting off we hit the M25 we became enmeshed in May Day traffic. I realised that most of the month was going to be spent looking at slow moving traffic on motorways.

But just as driving to Brighton was slow and painful, leaving it the next day was a dream. On the motorway, time stretched and contracted simultaneously in temporal doppler effect. The days seemed longer but time blistered, popped and broke apart pleasantly as the brain switched down a few gears into a near pure experiential mode. There was little to worry about. All I could do was count the pylons and pretend I had a flamethrower to aim at UKIP billboards and hoardings; to luxuriate in motorway sign typography and listen to Maggot Brain as loud as it would go. Miles Davis’ Agharta was the soundtrack to us speeding out of the south up the M1 towards the Rainy City. Al Foster’s ringing, open hi-hat was our fuel. And then it was nothing but John Coltrane, Electric Wizard and NOMEANSNO until we reached our destination. It started raining the second we hit Stoke. And then before long we were on the Mancunian Way heading for Piccadilly in torrential rain, parking the van under a tangle of flyovers. When I planned this jaunt it was a thing of beauty. I took an AA road map and unfolded it until it covered half the floor space in my tiny living room. I took a sheet of stickers from my son’s Thomas The Tank Engine magazine and created a spiral of towns and cities, first round the edges near the coast and then spiraling in toward the centre. Our proposed journey looked like an occult temporal and spatial message only discernable from the god perspective. What I planned was a perfect thing. But after you plan your perfect thing what happens is this: promoters start phoning you up or emailing you. ‘We’ve double booked you with a Stereophonics tribute act’; ‘There’s actually a bar mitzvah on that day’; ‘It’s Record Store Day.’ And then the perfect thing falls to pieces. By the time we hit the road the perfect thing looked like that terrifying film of a spider on LSD trying to spin a web. And there was only one thing worse than a spider on LSD trying to spin a web and that was a spider on caffeine trying to spin a web.

We stopped for several coffees en route to Sunderland the next day. The weather was beautiful. Fields of golden rape seed glowed under a blue sky. But I gave up counting the UKIP billboards. There were just too many. The purple pound signs zipped past in a blur. We’d been on the road for five days and I hadn’t seen a single sign for Labour. It was almost a relief when we passed a huge hoarding in an arable field next to a broken tractor which proclaimed: “Prepare to meet your Lord!” We pulled in soon after to stretch our legs in front of a petrol station that shared a forecourt with a sex shop wrapped in a large tarpaulin hoarding, proclaiming: “Under new management!” Next door was a garden centre flying a row of ten confederate flags and two Union Jacks. There was a knackered and rusty jet stream caravan serving up plastic cups of filter coffee.

It became clear early on that the Travelodge was our friend. Every Travelodge the Driver, the Passenger and I shared was identical. A family room. One double bed, one fold out couch bed, minimal decoration, very interesting mass produced art, scant furniture, tea making facilities and a portable telly, often chained to the wall. The Travelodge may have had less furniture in it than the average bail hostel and may sometimes have smelled like a suburban pet shop from 1984 but it was totally fine as we were low ranking touring musicians and writers, not visiting dignitaries from Saudi Arabia.

After Leeds, our Travelodge was situated in a motorway retail park so the following morning we walked just a few hundred yards to the Toby Carvery for breakfast. Pushing open the double swing doors we were confronted by a man in stained chef’s whites, with hair pushed under a light blue plastic turban crowning a jowly and crimson face. He was methodically and noisily applying a large cleaver to a foot long cylindrical sharpening steel with a schnick-schnick sound.

“Hello!” said the Driver cheerfully. “Are you Toby?”

The chef looked up slowly and a pendulous and translucent bead of sweat swayed under his nose. His eyes were like drill holes in gammon. Bruised udders of flesh were hanging below each of his nicotine-stained ocular orbs. He was possibly the most hungover man I had ever seen. He jawed away silently, his eyes flickering dully with rage as he started straightening up. The BPM of metal on metal increased. The three of us circled round him gingerly and headed rapidly for the breakfast counter past tables rammed full of people who looked like they were about to die. I had never seen so many morbidly obese people in one place at one time. It was like God’s waiting room with unlimited fried egg.

Oh England, you are sick.

It was only £5 per head and you could eat as much as you wanted but the choice was only bacon, sausages, roast potatoes, black pudding, fried egg, fried bread, beans and mushrooms. The thrill of the open road. Unlimited roast potatoes and bacon for breakfast.

(We spent just one night at the supposedly more upmarket Premier Inn, and it was relatively more luxurious but due to its incomprehensible automated reception machine, it took us an hour and a long conversation with two angry Premier Inn employees to gain access to our room. “Getting into this hotel was like the opening scene from a new episode of Black Mirror”, said the Driver, a recent convert to the show. “There’s nothing like waking up in some shitty English town, before eating some shitty English breakfast before driving slowly down some shitty English motorway for 12 hours before loading into some shitty English venue and playing a shitty gig to ten people before going to some shitty Travelodge just to watch a really well made English TV series which explains to you exactly why everything is so fucked”, he told me gleefully.)

Any hotel room was actually very much like home as long as you had a laptop, a handful of Nick Cave CDs, some Right Guard and a copy of Threads on DVD, which happened to be the exact contents of my overnight hotel bag.

Waking up in another identical Travelodge on another identical Motorway retail park the next day I realised finally that this was literally the worst place for a writer to be during general election month. Nowhere had wifi that worked. It was like being in a bubble of ignorance for 31 days. We had to choose these parks to minimise the chances of the splitter van getting stolen with all of our gear inside it. Every Travelodge we stayed in was essentially the same, surrounded by a handful of other outlets - a Toby Carvery or a Harvester or, if you were really unlucky, both of them. Then maybe also a Costa, a Boots and an Esso petrol station as well. They were all accessible from a motorway roundabout that wasn’t really near anything other than either an airport, a prison or an industrial estate. A vague hangover from reading JG Ballard as a schoolboy led me to believe that there would be some kind of mind-expanding nourishment to be had from this aspect of the venture but these motorway retail parks were all identical. They were the most co-opted and least free spaces of all.

After breakfast, outside, sitting on a wall drinking a cup of tea in the sunshine, I looked intently at a semicircle of rooks surrounding a single bird of their own kind. They were slowly advancing in toward it. The bird in the middle was stock still and not moving. It didn’t look like a friendly encounter. The Driver and the Passenger came out and joined me. The parliament were just about to attack the accused in order to peck it to death but just as the corvine jury bore down, they were disturbed by a loud noise from above. The Red Arrows flew over the Travelodge in formation causing them to scatter It felt almost as if the Driver existed in a bubble of weird, uncanny, apocalyptic and esoteric events that moved with him wherever he roved. But it was also as if he barely noticed any of them. I stood pointing at the sky.

“Yes, yes” he snapped irritably as if he was sick of seeing this kind of thing. “Let’s get in the van and get off otherwise we won’t get to Digbeth in time.”

That night I dreamt that the solid iron core of the Earth was about to slough us all off until the planet stood raw and bleeding in space, just roiling magma with no skin to contain it. The utter indignity of being born between waves, the scions of a pusillanimous age we were all about to be cast into the void with the filthy scab of a country we called England. A flat and unmagical land. A depressing and tawdry place. When I opened my eyes Toby was stood in the corner of the room, sharpening his cleaver, schnick, schnick, schnick, schnick. Empty eye sockets carved out of rancid, fly-blown gammon.

“We have to stop eating lunch at the Harvester!” I sprang out of my fold out bed and shouted at the Driver and the Passenger, waking them from their sleep. “The full rack of ribs is fucking killing me!”

Fuck the Harvester. Fuck Toby Carvery. All of the clothes that were hanging off me on May 1 were now snug and it was only May 12. My ears were ringing with the premonition of some future blue cheese dressing related pulmonary event.

It was easy to see how ruinous life on the road could be, even when you didn’t drink or do drugs. I felt sorry for younger bands who felt they had to go out partying every night after shows. After a couple of weeks it must end up hellish.

The road to Hull was paved with UKIP signs. Only Necrosis by Cadaver played at ear disrespecting volumes kept us sane. It was dark as we drove into town and ghosts lined Ferensway waiting to greet me. The cinema where I’d had my first date in town, the pair of us just turned 18 - watching Shirley Valentine no less, saying, “Imagine being that old” about Pauline Collins and Bernard Hill - was now a bingo hall. The war memorial that I regularly drank sherry in front of on a bench. The Welly nightclub where I saw a punter swan dive off a balcony and go headfirst through the corner of a formica table. When they took him out on a stretcher there was a blanket pulled up over his face. And then down past my old house on De Grey Street and into the car park of the Adelphi. And then the ghosts waved us back out of town.

The drive to Great Yarmouth was gruelling and 13-hours long because of traffic - we got stuck behind no less than three serious road accidents. Bodies strewn across baking tarmac. Bloodied travellers weeping in incomprehension at the hard shoulder. Slow moving the traffic might have been but at least we had plenty of long albums to listen to. Just like a mattress in a shared student house or the narrative flow of the Bayeux Tapestry - Kendrick Lamar’s To Pimp A Butterfly sagged in the middle but it was very, very long, making it ideal for the van.

Eight hours later, after the show, we flew down the A47 unimpeded like we were clinging to a rocket, listening to Slayer albums sequentially at full volume, gabbling like a bunch of four-year-olds as we went. By the last day, I felt like I was about to die and constantly on the verge of tears. I didn’t want it to end. It was the best of times. It was the worst of times. It was the worst of times. It was genuinely the worst of all times. And yet I’d crawl over broken glass to be able to do it all again right now.

You know, if you really want to get the measure of a country don’t drive round it. Take a train or walk. Maybe buy a bicycle or a skateboard or something.

We drove 5,000 miles of barbed wire and parked the splitter van by the roadside.

John Doran, Bangkok, Thailand, December 2017

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