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iam-back · 18 days ago

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A Review of Vinny's S↫ↂ¢Ϡy MS-DOS Games 3

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Yeah I did these out of order - this was released earlier than the Quality DOSes.

[KOR] Ant Man | Not to be confused with Hank Pym, this seems to be a scifi tokusatsu-style universe - bad guys brought their robots on a meteor, three college kids become bug-armored heroes to save the day and stuff. Our repertoire - Ant Man, Mosquito Girl, and Beetle Boy.

Vinny picks Beetle Boy first, and boy is he slow! The game is well-above-and-beyond passable, with great music and great visuals, but it's marred by one fatal flaw - seemingly-random game overs that you're not prepared for.

Next he picks Mosquito Girl, whom he mistakenly believes to be Ant Man. Beetle Boy was the only slow one so far, but had big-ol' lazers, while Mosquito Girl has gatling-gun hands! Okay, the second big complaint is the jump - it just doesn't feel right. You know what Soft Land needed? For Commander Keen to be imported to Korea. At least Mosquito Girl can hover short distances to make jumping a bit more manageable.

Finally is Ant Man. Let's see what he brings to the table! A double-jump, another machine gun... Eventually he figures out that not only was he wrong about who Ant Man was, but also that the button he thought was for menus was actually the game-over button! Those sly dogs! Those thieving little words we're not supposed to say on a family website!

[TWN] Basketball Challenge | Folks consider this to be the precursor of the infamous China Pro Baseball faces. Let's laugh at the faces and admire the twitchy gameplay the demo offers. NEXT!

[CHN] Blood-Boiled High School | Vinny can't run this one, but there is a picture - it looks just like the River City games.

[CHN] King Kong 10 | Oops, the VOD accidentally played the part where he can't run Box Ranger twice! And then after a bit of fail with Lobotomy BBS, here's this game. Can you guess what it's about? If you said "basketball gorilla platformer", you're right!

Even more shockingly, it contains ragtime music! The story - once upon a time there was a little gorilla who loved to play basketball. One day he was kidnapped by a helicopter and taken into the big bad city. He only escaped because the helicopter was struck by lightning!

What a shock - the game is like Donkey Kong Country in terms of playstyle. Digitized sprites, 2D playfield, jump on enemies to kill them or alternatively use a different attack... In fact, 2 - throwing basketballs, and spinning! Unfortunately, Mr. 10, you're no Starfy - at least he can spin multiple times and still not get dizzy.

And even more surprisingly, saying "like" or something that vaguely sounds like it will make the like counter flash! ...What, that's just the fault of the YouTube website and not the VOD itself? On that note, whether or not the map theme sounds similar to anything David Wise composed is none of my business, as long as it sounds good.

You get 15 points for every thingamajiggy broken via basketball action and 1 for every dog (2 for every mining robot thingy) killed. But what's stupid about this is that your keys and points aren't then un-gotten when you die, meaning you could theoretically beat the game with 65,536 keys, 256 golden whatsits, and 983,040 points (but still showing as 9999) before you get a game over. Talk about busted!

Honestly, I can't tell if those things are baby bottles or muffins. Random story - FunnyStarRunner spent years trying to find this, erroneously thinking it was called Hoop Kong 98. I'll shut up now until he moves on to...

[KOR] Korean Dungeon Boy | Misspelled "Dunegon Boy" on the files, this one is another IBM adventure like RT2:BM&T... and Guldkorn Express! It plays like the maze sections in Phantasy Star and in fact Magician's Story (the game that would eventually give rise to Puyo Puyo).

This tubby little greaseball has been chosen to explore the dark scary dungeons, and he's going in with 3 batteries for his radar, 4 magical spell-scrolls, 8 bullets for his Colt 45, and 16 tiny rocks for his slingshot. 3 minutes, starting now! What must he do? Find all the treasures? Escape? Kill all the bats? Whatever it is, Vinny hasn't the gumption nor the patience to find out what the endgoal is here, and so he gives up after flailing around and failing to select the gun.

[KOR] Ultra Superb SM Ultimate S◐⇹ʘ Fighter | OH ! Sↈ‡※ !! If ever there was a game with just as much copyright infringement as Super Cop and Cyber Marine combined, it'd be this - the music is tacky Yamaha arrangements of Two Kids Run in the City (title screen) and Rouge's Dengon (gameplay theme). Not sure what the boss theme is infringing, though.

You're a Weeping Angel, apparently, shooting grub-dropping rats, farting cockroaches, spitting teeth, the titular s⁛₯ʔs, and the bosses appear to be bug exterminators. Knock Sybal's Monkey Adventure all you want - at least its music wasn't stolen from prior sources. ...Believe it or not, this specific arrangement of Rouge's Dengon made me realize that I really like those specific DOS instruments.

Despite the health bar and the damage-flash when you're "hurt", you're immortal. The game's just as busted as King Kong 10!

[KOR] student.exe | I think this game might be the polar opposite of S◘ᾎϟ Fighter - it's too hard with everything coming at you. Theoretically a game like this could work, a student who falls asleep in class and dreams of being in a side-shooter adventure with all these school supplies attacking him, but this really needed more QA and playtesting than just this one guy.

[KOR] The Time Machine | Are you ready to learn about Korean history!? No!? Too bad, get in the time machine! We begin in the year 2010 (tells what era this game was made if they made 2010 sound even more futurey than it actually ended up being), where we join Captain Haddock in our little temporal adventure.

First stop - 4000 BC, where we find Cro-Magnons? Did they know how much evolution humanity had made by then? Humans then were pretty much identical to us of today! Civilization had been invented then! India had just been founded! Why are we looking at cavepeople in their hay-houses!?

On the bright side, Vinny says the rightmost Magnon reminds him of his post-convention self. Or, the Kong. Thus would begin an annoying trend of him calling things Kong.

When to next? Why, 600 BC, of course! This fine gentleman is rallying his people in what would soon become Korea! Or, in Vinny's eyes, the adventurer Kong has found the Sacred Knife of the Umzari to destroy the evil Dragon Emperor Scrocog, and at the same time, St. Kong drove all the snakes out of Ireland.

Next time period, AD 600, where a beautiful sight is seen - the deity of the sun, Goguryeo, is carrying it up into the sky! Irritatingly, Vinny says that this is John Kong, half-snake, half-man, who found the Dragon Ball that would become Mozilla Firefox.

For once going back instead of forward - AD 158, where we see this fine gentleman pungmul-ing with his pals until the cows come home!

AD 42 sees us right in the imperial horsemen's way. They mean business - we better scram! But Vinny has to be a total clown about it and try to complete the little jingle we heard.

Scrambling out of the Gaya empire after reminiscing about the TooManyGames convention and Keith Apecary's tree booth and into the year AD 592-- WHOA HOLY HECK WHY ARE WE IN A WARZONE!? Stop joking about Star Wars, this is serious!

[CHN] Violent Fighter | Skipping the initial attempt to boot up Twins, thinking it's based on the Danny deVito/Arnold Schwarzenegger buddy comedy, here's this one. Dear God, rest my soul. Vinny's saying what I'm thinking - why have this promising story about the aliens breaking out of the AMX lab and occupying Wall Street when you're just gonna do a fighting game roster with Kater (Carter), Lice (Lisa), Ali, Chomu, Oluda, Cyber-02, Sea Killer, and Klaid (Clyde)?

At least the AMX backstory is still there, with Clyde coming from the same lab as the aliens. But the only options are player v.s CPU, player v.s player, and options! No story mode? No tournament?? Whatever. Vinny picks Chomu v.s Clyde, loses, Sea Killer v.s Clyde, loses again, Carter v.s Lisa, loses yet again, whatever.

[KOR] Box Ranger | Remember Fox Ranger 1 and 2 from the first of these videos? The box-man is here to steal the show and make this IBM-based installment all about himself! And... Gandalf the White.

Much like any cubic egomaniac's self-serving spinoff, the box-man goes into a cave and kills insects, including a dragonfly boss.

[KOR] Twins | Much to Vinny's disappointment, this is not an adaptation of a buddy comedy featuring a small man and a big Austrian beefcake. It's a Korean point-and-click adventure starring these two people, who are twins. And he had to find this out via a video of the game in action. A disappointing end to this stream.

#vinny vinesauce #ms dos #Youtube

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iam-back · 19 days ago

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A Review of Vinny's Quality DOS Games 2

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I have to put a Content Label on this post because of one of the games in the video and therefore displayed on the thumbnail, front-and-center for all to see.

[ISR] MsiBamba ShelBamba | Much like Chex had Chex Quest and Skittles had Darkened Skye, everyone's favorite Isr43li (I have to censor out the name because filters aren't word-bound) peanut-Cheeto has a video game featuring its infantile mascot!

It's bad enough for a video game to only have one song in its "soundtrack", but Bamba: The Game is up there with Hong Kong 97 in terms of repetitious torture! Not helping is the wonky controls and everything, even the animals you're supposed to get to, hurting you. You want some good games where you play as a baby? Miracle Upa-World, Family Guy: Video Game! and Road to the Multiverse, Rugrats: Search for Reptar, Studio Tour, Gotta Go Party, etc...

And legend tells that this game can only be played once per bootup, otherwise subsequent playthroughs won't work properly or the game will flat-out refuse to load.

[Unknown - likely Asia] Hilarious Bowling | Whoa, okay! Only two games in and we're already going from a 0 to a 100! No wonder doktawhawee9870 said this feels like the sorta game they, their brother, and their friends would make drunk, and when they sobered up the next morning, they'd come to regret it!

In our roster we got a certain former painter-turned-historical monster, Madonna who has bowling pins on her stage presence, a mishmash of Bruce Lee and Jackie Chan, a guy who wears "Old-Year" on his big old hat and calls himself Napoleon, and Sherlock Holmes.

But then you play as some ordinary little ankle-biter pipsqueaks. Bowling for a Content Label. "You can... have a Napoleon v.s you-know-who in Dracula's castle, in this game."

Ooh, poor Napoleon. His Psychonauts appearance, this is not.

[SWI] BeerThe Last Eichhof | "You try my patience, make your choice!" Did you expect Galaxian but with beer bottles and the game studio's logo? No? Good, cuz that's what this is! You can buy beer bottles to extend your range (Vinny ends up passing up on Pony and buying Bunkel) and powerups (the speedup is called "I Want To Be Fast", which leads to the exact joke you've come to expect if you've spent any time on the Internet after, say, 2003).

Also, what are these sounds? Laughter when you die? "I am!" Cowbell? Exploding Pac-Man appears sometimes? A train that drops plates is a boss? Sneezing? What!? And it all leads to some dudebros yelling "RUCKSACK! RUCKSACK!", which of course Vinny mistakes as them saying "suck".

[CHN] Clearance/Bubu Bubu | What would you expect from a game Vinny calls "Bubboo/Bubba Chang Tang-Gan"? If you said Bomberman with space-octopodes, you're right! This one begins as an octopus spends his last gasp of moon-air sending a distress signal to another Death Star-like thing. Immediately after, you're off to the space-pyramids farting out black exploding newborns to defend yourself against the ladybugs, hermit crabs, and... things!

If you press other keys, you can shoot fireballs or leave trails of fire, but Vinny can't figure out how to do that before he moves on to...

[RUS] Crow II | I say "Russia" because look at this! The Wise Cat in the cup game, Pike v.s Ivan the Fool in the fighting section with Katyusha playing, chasing Baba Yaga's house on a horse-drawn carriage... Let's skip to the second go-round of the second section, because yee-yikes the crow is loud and woo-wee does that ominous laughter give you a chill.

After Vinny wins, he finds himself on carriage-back chasing what he at first believes to be menstruation or anal bleeding, but is actually, of course, Baba Yaga's house. Unfortunately, he doesn't realize his objective until it's too late and he's outpaced the house by kilometers.

I appreciate the semi-Mode-7 though.

[???] Cyber Marine | First Super Cop, now this! The gamedevs somehow went by without a lawsuit from Orion Pictures - that's clearly Robocop! These levels complete themselves, literally, and joystick-less movement is a galdurn MYSTERY! Did these bozos not know how to program A VIDEO GAME!?!?!?

[KOR] Dark Side Story | The feel-good hit of the summer: Dark Side Story! Starring Kevin James as a toaster, Jean Claude van Damme as an arm, Adam Sandler as a washed-up broad, and ET as a slimy space-penis! Alright!

...Nah just kidding. This one's from Sonnori (yes, "A Labyrinth Called School" Sonnori), and after two crashes and some bumbling around with commands he's off! After witnessing this poor gentleman get trapped inside a gachapon ball you're immediately thrust into a girl's living room, neither cutscene nor fanfare - she's our player character, whom I'll call Seonhwa, but Vinny says she's more like Tifa Lockhart.

All Vinny can do is run around, get lost, smack a guy around (by the way, the outside stuff is a beatmup), and be constantly preturbed by the D-note that goes on a bit long.

[KOR] Dino: Earth Rescue Operations | Are those Cheetos? Even the Hangeul says "Cheetos"! Anyway, in this arcade-esque game, you burn the dinosaurs and collect fattening junk foods like bananas, cherries, and yes, those sweet succulent Cheetos!

DESSERT P! Seouo is quite prolific on the leaderboard, aren't they?

[JAM] Ganja Farmer | Much like K(S)FH was a Simpsonized Rat Trap and BeerThe Last Eichhof was an alcoholic Galaxian, Ganja Farmer is a marijuana-scented Missile Command. NEXT!

[DEN] Guldkorn Express | To get that salty Bamba taste out of your mouth, have some sweet Guldkorn cereal! On a sentient train driven by a bear! Whoa, this old IBM DOS game has some good physics! Why does the dynamite sound like a Mozart? When will Vinny learn the key you need to press to drop the dynamites you've collected? And why does the death message sound like "high maintenance taint"???

Ah yes - I forgot about the thing I thought was a dragonfly, but on closer inspection is a bee!

[CHN] Jinyong Fighter | This fighter comes with the BEEFIEST bass this side of that one YTPMV of a swamp level. After a fight between Little Dragon Lady and what looks like Sammy Hagar who controls ice and lightning, we're introduced to 13 wacky characters! A red kung-fu guy, an old man who can become a frog at will, not-Sammy Hagar, a magic rocket-card guy, an electro-wizard, a ninja who got lost on the way to Edo, Little Dragon Lady, the red dancer, a monk who throws psychic projectiles, a clown who becomes a monster, a guy who has a dragon, and a fiery swordsman.

He plays as the frog-shifter v.s not-Sammy Hagar and loses both times. Handy-king-dude-guy wins. Twice.

[KOR] Kart Race | From the "developers" that brought you The Day saga and Icarus (which was shown in the last Quality DOS but skipped), and immediately after one of Vinny's trademark Super Show Bros Talk About episodes (presumably Mario Kart and how slapdash Korean bootleggers ripped them off or some doomsh--), here's essentially the Korean Skunny Kart/Miracle Design slapdash racers!

Our repertoire this time is Jyun, Ijin, Can, Chang, Tina (?), Elle, Tai, and Mog! Together they race in their dumb cars, pick up just one item to use it 8 times, and take victory ultra-seriously, as if Vinny places second the game will not let him proceed. Why is the hit-sound one of those fast-talking-on-phone sounds?

[ITA] Our Thing | Oh boy, more common games reskinned with a certain thingy in mind! This time it's Mafia Doom, complete with O Sole Mio droning on and on in the background! NEXT!!!

[KOR] Catch the Mole | Oh joy, 60 seconds of Whack-a-Mole excitement, now with Numpad requirements, packaged entirely as its own game for you to play at your rinky-dink home in the seedier side of Seoul. As an added bonus, the game messed up Vinny's mic quality, he thinks.

[KOR] Real Fighter | More like "Not Virtua Fighter"! The vanity plate runs faster than the game until Vinny increases the cycles. Also, in the menu graphic, Inoeru looks like Spy TF2. This one's quirk is that the CPU will always pick the first character you pick for this session, in this case Blood. Don't you think the music is a bit wrong for a fighter? Sounds too peaceful for such violence.

He always loses, even when switching to Inoeru, whereupon the game crashes when the word "PERPECT" shows up.

[KOR] Reon's Adventure | After a long intro sequence set in the grassy fields with a Kremlin castle, some come with mee-eeyalaboo, ducks, and Museum of Anything Goes, we finally come across the title screen where we meet Reon himself, who seems to be a rascally lion-scamp.

Gameplay consists of Reon swashbuckling his way through the levels in 200 seconds or less, but he can jump on the ones that aren't cacti as well. He can rake in the won coins as he adventures, and then at the end of the level he meets this merchant with shoes of steel walking on a bed of spikes! Metal.

Vinny then gives up when he puts the Ctrl key back in (it popped out and it happens to be the key you use to use a sword), killed by a Spindashing Squirrel.

[RUS] SABOR | Y'ever see a game with better music than art? This is that. The story is as follows: weapons are banned somehow, and scrolls for SABOR end up in a rural village where 5 guys find it and then they're off to save the world. Hefty task for a bunch of quintuplets, but okay.

The outcome of the first round determines that of the second - but because Vinny loses all five times the first round he has no choice but to watch the quintuplets get beaten to death. Then he goes to training mode, where the training dummy is not a sandbag, or a sack of meat, but an entire other guy! You punch its lights out, because the healthbar is candles - worst MS-DOS pun ever until 1994's SpaceKids came along and Zeedle rode on a literal horseshoe!

[KOR] Sybal's Monkey Adventure | This side-shooter refreshingly takes place in the open plain, as a monkey shooting bananas against evil jumping and flying monkeys. A lot of stuff is in 5s. 5 lives, 5 hits before death, enemies in waves of 5 at first...

[CHN] Violent Myth | True to its name, this one is a fighter with a mythical twist! You got these birds, soldiers, kings, Little Dragon Lady? This one's gimmick is that you can go reeeeeeeeaaaaaaally far away from each other. Vinny's first match, the opponent fires blue Blazing Torches. Then the AI craps its pants.

Second match, the opponent fires little castles and he complains about how apparently far away the controls are (S and D to move, Shift to kick, X to crouch? Seems close-knit to me!).

[KOR] Hello! Mr. President YS | Contrary to my initial wishes for this to be a dating sim where you talk to South Korea's president, this one is a political board game in an era where we really don't need any more of it.

#vinny vinesauce #ms dos #Youtube

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iam-back · 19 days ago

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A Review of Vinny's Quality DOS Games 1

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We begin the stream with a little game called...

[KOR] Duck | Also known as Bulsaejo Duck by D.Swizzy's little folder, this one is a Galaga-esque. It seems right up Vinny's alley, being about a duck and all. And when I say Galaga, I do mean Galaga. Look at the way the enemies swirl around! And look at the enemies themselves! You got little ships, little wheels, big blue-and-red worms with yellow heads, individual segments of said worms, big bees...

The duck himself seems to be a robot, given how he explodes into screws when he dies. Says to me that the story is about this robot duck who flies above Busan or Seoul or that culture village and blasts down whatever may come in his way. If you don't shoot for a bit, a shield forms around you, which you can turn into a big energy-blast by resuming fire. You also have 7 backup ducks, which Vinny, not being the best gamer in the world, loses all of them.

[CHN] Act of Fighter | Tragically misnamed Action Fighter (no Vinny, this is not that Spy Hunter copycat game for Master System), Vinny can't get past the copyright protection. In a Trio of Trash stream much later on (that includes the hidden gem Toonstruck), we finally see what it looks like - and it seems to be a fantasy-themed Tetris-esque game. Moving on to...

[KOR] Zis: The Adventure | "Ablex~" This is the game studio which brought you Little Witch and Hades, and now this! I mean Zis! Meet Zis, the lovable little rascal whom nobody knows about, otherwise they'd call him a Korean Dennis the Menace. Apparently it gives Vinny the dèja vú. The first thing he sees is the copyright protection - or "Password Check" as the game calls it. You're thrust into a little playground where you must shoot these enemies in this order (p9n4, p3n2, p4n2) - or since D.Swizzy did a little wizardry, Vinny just shoots whichever enemies in whatever order, and he's off!

Zis never shuts up - when he stands still he goes "la la la la", when he accomplishes certain things he giggles, when he collects the little diamonds he says "mmm", when he climbs up onto the things he yells "YABBO" at the top of his lungs. Apparently the gameplay tune sounds alarmingly like the Donkey Kong Country theme, at least to Vinny. But I'm more concerned with the title screen reminding me of Mega Man X!

We're thrust into a cutscene of Zis relaxing by the river, when he should come across a map in a bottle that will take him all across Lisnia in order to find... something. I'm not fluent in Korean. The first level is apparently called "Slowly Forest", and it's there that Vinny starts to ramble about how DOS platformers are never good (apparently ignoring Commander Keen), aside from The Great Giana Sisters, which is a slapdash bootleg Super Mario Bros to everyone else!

His eye's a bumhole, his finger's a chode, and his weapon of choice is a slingshot, which becomes a yoyo when he finds a watermelon and wears his bunny suit. By the way, there's an owl who shoots an arrow at your health meter, which I'm just now realizing might work like the Gloom in Tears of the Kingdom, unless I got to actually play it for myself and see otherwise. Unfortunately, after that Vinny can't figure out how to yoyo up (if one can), and so he leaves the game on Zis singing what sounds disturbingly like the Thomas the Tank Engine theme!

[CHN] Battle Europe | After a bit of Wiseau and an oopsie-crashie, we see that this is a game about tanks and stuff - you can play as Allies or Axis. This one plays decent if you don't have Hearts of Iron and don't mind slow framerates, but brace yourself for the worst horn and drum known to MS-DOS. There's a bom (sic) you can collect which can summon an airstrike missile to wipe your screen, but Vinny doesn't seem to think it did anything. Spoilers - it reduced the number of enemies by 3! Oh, there was a shi that he failed to notice, he coulda used it to protect himself for a bit. He also realizes you can shoot down your own base and fail the mission on purpose, which brings an end to the European battling.

...Have you noticed that the same drums and same horn are in the DOS port of Street Fighter II? I have.

[CHN] Battle of the Martial Arts | Once upon a time, a kindly old monk-esque character by the name of Shau Ling was going on a calm afternoon walk in a thunderstorm. Except it wasn't afternoon, it was like midnight or something! Lesson learned, kids, never go outside at night during a thunderstorm - you could be killed, in this case by this evil wizard with a murder-palm-blast technique.

The game itself is one of a strangely prolific amount of 1v1 fighting games - look, I know I mentioned Street Fighter II earlier, but gee beasties, the game created a lot of competition just by existing! Anyway - Vinny picks Hua Shan v.s Gai Bang (!!!!!!!) in the forest. A comment below mentions his apparent brother Gang, but I know how Chinese nomenclature works and so I realize it would then be Gai Gang.

Hua Shan is a swordsman whereas Gai Bang borrows from Sun Wukong's playbook and speaks softly, but carries a big stick. Anyway, after that Vinny picks Shau Ling and his wiener-leg v.s his exact clone off the coast of the Forbidden City, a very popular tourist attraction in China. Shau Ling actually has some magic palm-blasts of his own, which makes you wonder why he didn't defend himself against the evil wizard. I didn't understand a single thing of that opening text, so for all I know the whole game could be his dying dream as he lays bleeding.

[CHN] China Pro Baseball 1 and 2 | This should be a run-of-the-mill baseball game using at-the-time teams for the Chinese baseball leagues, but the game got stuck on the opening cinematic and the faces (probably real Chinese baseball superstars at the time) made Vinny crack up so hard he could substitute for a malfunctioning space-time continuum. Plus, the music in CPB1 reminds me of Upside Down, a song my old Discord friend said was used in plenty of animation memes, yet I know it from speedpaints that also have *gasp and shock* NCS music in them!!!

Oh yes, the 3D rotating title screen graphic glitches out when it reaches its loop-point.

[FRA] The Death of Vegeta | One of exactly one fangame on this list, it's very short, but very infamous for the way the always Super Saiyan-powered Vegeta screams out "BIG BANG ATTACK!!!!!" at the top of his royal Saiyan lungs. It ends when he falls down an impassable pit and you're greeted with text that says "Vegeta is dead. As he did not perform beneficial gestures in life, he is immediately sent to Hell. [Game's end] NB: Nothing is preventing you from using the crystal balls to revive him. You could start another game." You can tell this was made before Vegeta became Goku's BFFFL (Best Friend Forever For Life).

[KOR] Father World | Much like France has Flashback/Another World/Heart of Darkness, Korea has this little doozy. Vinny was laughing at the game's name, but at least it's not called Daddy World. It's very story-driven, and hey, how much percent of the game's data do you think went into recording voiced dialogue for it?

You've got scenes featuring a cityscape, an evil overlord, some sort of rivalry staring contest as the glass breaks in front of them, the most 90s shonen anime cutscenes your Korean game company can buy, blondie and blue-hair are friends now, and then when he starts the game he's immediately run over by a car. Good job, buddy.

Then he's nursed back to health by a lady. Let's move on.

[KOR] Fox Ranger 1 | "SUFFICIENT TOILET" That's the first thing Vinny hears upon booting the game. It actually says "Soft Action, present:" Anyway, this one's a side-shooter along the likes of R-Type and Life Force/Salamander. It takes place in 2044 AD, 26 years after this VOD and therefore 20 years from now. Having graduated from Korean air force boot camp, this little NF43 is saving the world from aliens. It's always aliens in these sorts of games.

I see you, Mr. Death Star! You can't disguise yourself as a Saturnesque planet and get away with it, not without Lucasfilms noticing! And you, CATS! You just gonna stop by without saying "all your base are belong to us"?

Stage 1 is called "Outer Space", yet that's the most inner-iest space I've ever seen! That's, like, plane-cruise height! Anyway, you shoot all sorts of creeps and weirdos, the game says "flushing right here/fashion deer/f⨺⩙⫑ you nerd", and there's a giant skull-monster as the boss. Shoot it in its sensitive eyes to kill it.

[KOR] Fox Ranger 2 | This exciting sequel improves upon the original in many ways - presentation, story (something about alien monsters being dropped into the ocean), cutscenery (Listen! Voice acting!), a whole different play style (think Star Fox), and more creeps and crawlies to fight, including a two-headed dragon boss that roars like a gong! Unfortunately, Vinny has the exact wrong soundcard (likely Soundblaster instead of Roland) and so his shots sound like a piano constantly smacking the D key and occasionally D-Sharp. You'll be screaming for vengence (sic), just like the game's tagline!

Stage 1 is still as inappropriately named as the first game's - "Into the Fire" when you're swirling in a weird vortex.

Just like that Vinny is immediately thrust into a voiceless cutscene where NF43 is getting debriefed by his boss and now we're in a top-shooter. The enemies now die in a very low D-Flat.

[USA] Krusty's (Super) Fun House | Nothing much to note on this, aside from Vinny's Krusty impersonation. It's Rat Trap for the British computers, only now it's multiplatform (released for Game Gear, Nes, Genesis, Snes, and of course DOS) and you assume the giant clown-shoes of Herschel Krustofsky as he guides the rats into the Bart-painted mallet-operated rat genocide machine. Would this be foreshadowing for the Simpsons fangame where Krusty beats up dolphins?

[KOR] Lars the Wanderer | Gravity and Samsung combine their forces to give us an Adventure of Link-esque game where you play as a Marth recolor who finds a fairy and goes into town. Unfortunately, it's very text-heavy and Vinny only knows English (and even then sometimes he screws up), meaning all he can do is be distracted by fairy cleavage and wander around the town and do nothing and then give up. At least the music's awesome though, especially the title screen.

[CHN] Last Hero in China | ...You know what I just noticed? Given the digitized stills from some kind of movie, Last Hero in China might be based on a movie, thereby making it also a licensed game! How did I not notice this before!? Anyway, they turned the movie into a beatmup, where you play as the movie's main character, master of a flying kick and a Mantis eye-poke.

The story seems to be about some bad guys taking over the Forbidden City and therefore our white-clad protagonist saves the day and stuff. However, the gameplay on display is no Turtles in Time or Streets of Rage. The sound effects don't kick in until a good bit into Vinny's short romp with the game - you'll have to wait to hear the Last Hero in China yell out what sounds like "week Dwight" when he uses the flying-kick move.

Heh, check out those two identical goons! They're synchronized in a way only fictional twins could be! ...Oh of course. It wouldn't be a beatmup without the flying kick hurting you. And this won't be the last beatmup we see in these MS-DOS stream rundowns, oh no. But let's move on to...

[CHN] Little Monk | In this Zeldalike, you are Little Monk, and you're sent on your merry way by Big Monk off to save the world and stuff while the whole way, a fun, dopey little tune plays. First stop, the forest! If I could read more Chinese I'd figure out just what that forest is called. Little Monk has 2 Extra Dudes™, infinite apples, no firework rockets yet, and one scroll of each major element, all while a timer counts down from 1,400.

The candles represent his health bar, and they go down kinda like Minecraft hearts. Essentially he's 75% as durable as a completely unarmored Minecraft person. This isn't that bad when you have infinite apples, which explode into some Bonk-like monstrosity and are a handy defense tool against the snakes and fiery skulls and evil mushroom-monsters and whatever else. Little Monk can restore health with these pork buns, which says to me that he gets them as a little treat for a job well done.

You can also find bubbles that contain little busts of Hippocrates and a necklace - both likely talismans. Vinny accidentally uses the wind-scroll, so at least we see that the wind goddess floats around on a cloud and carries a banana-leaf fan which she uses to literally blow away the competition. Immediately after he gets mauled by boars and dies, noticing a Vineshroom (read: a green variant of the evil mushrooms) and not the old man who dropped a scroll. Why if that were me at that DOSBox, I'd trudge through, or as through as I can without understanding very much Chinese! So he gives up and moves on to...

[KOR] Little Witch | Remember the crow from the intro screen to Zis: The Adventure? He's from this game! Unfortunately, his appearance changes the book cutscene's music from this nice waltz to a horrible screechy mess. Not to mention Vinny can't get past this one, nor understand the story. Cool page effects, though. Ablex was ahead of their time, with their game Hades being Korea's very first FPS.

[KOR] My Love: Chaos Daejak-jeon | Why are you surprised that this one's published by Samsung? Samsung is based in Korea and so of course they'd be the ones to introduce video gaming to that little fun and fancy-free southern half. All the loons up north get is endless streams of propaganda left and right. Speaking of lunacy, this one's opening cutscene goes for some Ranma½-style wackiness, as we see the old man educate these five heroes on the dog-ship about the sorry state of the world - the rivers are drying up, the forests and flowers are dying, genetic scientists are splicing pigs with bunnies and horses with ducks and pigs with chickens, it's horrible! And so after some insane slapstick we see a weird yellow dinosaur chase after an electrified bone.

All this just for a beatmup where you attack skeletons in the cave while stock dancehouse music plays and the game-over screen is the villains eating you in the soup.

[KOR] Pee and Gity | Not yet, buddy! First we have to watch a trailer for the producers' other game, Illusion Blaze! From what it displays it seems to be a space-shoot game with multiplayer support where you and a friend can shoot aliens in space together.

Okay, after fiddling with what the right command is, he can finally experience the game. The cutscene is about a frog and a mouse, best of friends, frolicking in the fields together when they should come across a smoldering house. Their first course of action is to investigate, whereupon they're immediately accosted by Carills and soon afterward Gators. Surprise, Vinny! Another beatmup!

Then he messes with the screen settings and immediately gives up on the game. By the way, Pee is the mouse. First "Mr. Goo" from that one K-drama and now this.

[CHN] Prince of Evil | Featured in Eat Drink Man Woman (a movie from China) and now in good-ol' American-grown Vincent Vinesauce, this game is also a Zeldalike, only now instead of limited time your dude now has limited ammo. This one features a soldier galloping through the woods on horseback when he finds a demon-werewolf-thingy. Then we're thrust through the door into the game.

Soldier-boy has no elemental scrolls this time, just his feet, his wits, and his 300 spirit cards. They're all you have to stand a chance against the haunted dresses, skeletons, beetles, Adhering Suzies, and Vagina Dentata.

[KOR] Super 64 Classic | Way to break the alphabetism of the folder-pack, bucko. Now your dreams of Super Mario 64 on DOS are ruined - instead we just get MS-X games, like this Hello Kitty (Cat Widemohom) one where he immediately dies and gives up.

[KOR] Rage of Tiger 2: Blood, Money, and Tears... | I agree, Vinny, that title sounds super silly. After a bit of a struggle, he finally gets it to work whereupon he beholds the chalky jank that lies within. Meet our roster - Hanin, Kent, and Mangho! I see Kent wants to go Skins against a buncha Shirts.

The gameplay isn't much better - Vinny hasn't increased the cycles, and so he can't combo his opponent to death, which is required for victory. And why is the background a spraycan-doodle of a tiger?

[KOR] Shakii the Wolf | Hey, this one's in English! We can understand the story this time!! *ahem* So, once upon a time everything was happy in the land of Shake, and its ruler, good old titular Shakii. Then one dark and stormy night, this bad lion called Midnight Sword came in, and so Shakii and his people (wolves?) had to go to the Land of Giants for help.

Then after that Vinny bungles up the cutscene speed when Shakii finally shows up - way to go, pal. You can't play the game now because now the cutscene's gonna take 99 more hours instead of another minute or so!

[USA?] Shaolin Campus King | Why is the opening cutscene silent? It's eerie without, say, a fiery swoop and some rock-n-roll. And as MrDmoney156 said, you need to press Escape when the vanity plate appears - this would cost you the cutscene, but at least Vinny would've gotten a taste of the game!

[KOR] Super Cop | Sorry, you spiky-shouldered Jupiter-helmet, you're no Mappy. Especially when your game has that stanky Korean DOS snare and you run around a Ghost House from Dinosaur Island (Super Mario World) and you say "DIE!!!" when you get hurt and you ricochet everywhere when you die. ...A-and a princess is there now too. The art direction makes me sad.

And that start-game menu has to be stolen from something too! Day of the Tentacle? Ironic, Super Cop - you steal, which the police would actually reprimand people for.

[RUS] Super Tetris | Finally, something with less infringement! In this take on the classic (which coincidentally celebrates its 40th anniversary this year), we're sent to the Moscow Circus, with bomber-rats and kids who look at elephants. What changed in 7 years? The music is quieter and in Vinny's case it stops early, not to mention the controls, tragically, have been worsened. From Russia with FOON!!!

[KOR] Adventures of Eol! | More like "Eeyole" in Vinny's case - he should know better, in Korean pronunciation logic, "eo" is pronounced like "aw".

Anyway, this one has the most insane story out of every Family Pro game - there's this evil purple character who tears the mountain asunder. Eol must stop him before he turns the whole world into rubble! Vinny can't play past the first level, which means he'll never experience the twist that Eol is a prince of some sort.

After he dies and gives up, he laments how his collection is double his usual. Moving on to...

[KOR] The Adventure of Tipi: Legend of Meda | From the makers of Lars the Wanderer, here's a cutscene with a badass mother-fricker in a cloak and then a dragon shows up. And then... demo footage. Tipi herself reminds me of Yuko Asou in design.

[KOR] Dragon Force: The Day 3 | Another space-shooter where you shoot aliens!? Perish the thought! Well at least this one doesn't work, just makes a gentle hum.

[CHN] Journey to the West | If I had 5 yuan for every time a non-game medium from China was turned into a beatmup available for MS-DOS, I'd have 10 yuan, which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice. Anyway - Vinny immediately picks Bajie because "Ooh, piggy-man!" and fends off weird red-green-blue demons before falling off a bridge and dying. I miss this sort of brevity from Vinny. Now it's just Corruption Stockpile this, Commercial Chaos that, horror fangame this, hot new game that.

[CHN] Legend of the Dragon | Ignoring the IM stock sound at the title screen, remember Sun Wukong, snotty little brat and so-called "protagonist" of Journey to the West? Here he is, as a playable character alongside Little Dragon Lady! When you begin, the wind goddess (remember her, from Little Monk?) shows up and tells us of a bad situation. Vinny then mistakes the Manji for something worse. Then bazoomy, we're sent to the mountains!

It plays like Grol, as Vinny said, and you fight your way past music-loving sea serpents, weird racist caricatures, Peahat-Piranha Plant hybrid monsters, and this bouncer who won't let you in without an ID or something. He looks like a pirate who got drunk and wound up on the wrong side of the Himalayas.

[KOR] Van Slug: X Mission | This one has the usual scifi story of "it's the future but ohs no aleins took over", but in a more comical sense - this bumbling little idiot is late for his mission! So the general chews him out, he hops on his bike and into a run-n-gun adventure!

After the longest transformation sequence in the world that isn't a Fetish, we're off, shooting skeleton-demons and mud-monsters and being distracted by "I Love Elvis" on the bottom! But don't get the pills! Big mistake!! Now you got hurt a bit!

After he dies to spikes, he ends this big fat ugly DOS stream right then and there, exactly 2 hours long, for your "enjoyment".

#vinny vinesauce #ms dos #Youtube

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