#or who permanently altered my brain chemistry in some way

[thee-morrigan]

Rules: Make a poll of your favourite female characters (no limits - as many or as little as you want) and see which your followers like the most!

Thank you for the tag @serenpedac! This was so fun to think about 💖

Tagging (no pressure ofc! 🩵): @lalizah, @gauntlings, @anticupid16, @nat-seal-well, @agentnatesewell, @lykegenia, @wayhavenots, and anyone else who wants to do this!

[quarterlifekitty]

I mean this in the most polite, respectful, do only as you wish under zero pressure, way - I am FERAL for dog Johnny and am drooling and begging for more pretty please and thank you ignore my hybrid kink standing in the corner it’s fine we’re fine…unless you don’t want to :)

Uuuuuuuhhhhhhuuu let me start by saying I owe my dog soap illness to such pillars of the community as @boolger and @frogchiro so never forget that they walked so I could crawl around leaving a snail trail with my pussy.

cw: hybrid stuff

Dunno about you but I know my brain chemistry was permanently altered by lady and the tramp when I was a child. I never stood a chance.

So imagine Stray!Soap and Lady!Reader. He sees you every so often. On walks, laying your head in your owner’s lap as he reads the paper on the porch, scratching your ear, playing in the yard with your other owner as she tends to the garden.

Soap sniffs around in your yard at night, just the lightest traces of your scent drive him a little crazy. He decides to wait around— see if he can meet the little house-princess when she comes out in the mornings.

You have no idea what to make of him. He thinks it’s cute how your ears perk as you inspect him. No collar. Not like you— with your shiny little heart-shaped tag. You’re a little wary, but you figure there’s no harm in him being in the neighborhood.

And you know how it is with Soap. You give an inch, he’ll take a mile.

So he’ll wait right by the door near every damned morning. Just to say hello to the little lady. Smitten as can be.

Heehee and what if you had neighbors, also. Bloodhound!Price. Russian terrier! Or Newfoundland!Nikolai who’ve watched you become a young lady, and warn you to watch out for young dogs like Soap. Always a mess of trouble… you should be with someone who knows enough to look after you. Someone older, maybe. Not some young tramp looking to knot any pretty thing he can sink his teeth into…

[sitp-recs]

top 10 drarry fics by the sheer force of the feels they gave you? not necessarily good feels! things you remember primarily because they hit hard in some way.

obviously, i'd also love to hear exactly how/why they hit hard if you're up for sharing that!

Oh that’s such a wonderful ask, thank you! I’m sorry for the late reply, the 10 fics came easily bc whenever I see those titles I get immediately transported back to where I was and what I felt reading them for the first time. But putting into words what exactly makes them heartkick-y for me was a bit more challengeging. It’s usually a “when you feel it you know it” kind of thing (and quite literally too, as sometimes it manifests as an actual physical reaction!) but more often than not the fic just clicks for me and there’s no rationale behind it. As Clarice Lispector said: “I suppose that understanding myself is not a question of intelligence but of feeling. It either touches you, or it doesn't."

Anyhoo, I tried my best to keep this short and sweet but since I’ve written individual recs for almost all these fics, I thought I’d include them too :) thanks again, this was super fun! And I’d love to read about your picks as well 👀

An Emerald In The Sky by corvuscrowned | my rec

it doesn’t get more romantic than star-crossed lovers doomed by time travel!!!! (see also: my thoughts on The Eighth Tale by lettered). this is my brand of melancholy, something about the constant yearning, the beauty of stolen moments in liminal space, the unfairness of it all… ugh

Far From the Tree by aideomai | my rec

fft has altered my brain chemistry and ruined me forever with its tender devastation, I had such a visceral reaction to it - to the point of feeling dizzy and feverish. a simple time travel concept (this is my kryptonite istg) but the epic storytelling! the gratification! the bittersweet ending! rereading it would kill me but what a way to go

Forgive Those Who Trespass by Lomonaaeren

easily one of the most haunting and terrifying fics I’ve ever read, one jumpscare after the other but so creative and well-written I was too busy collecting my jaw from the floor to talk myself out of it lol

Little Compton Street by writcraft | my rec

as a queer woman, this one feels extremely personal and is very dear to my heart. I’ll never forget the emotions I felt learning about queer history and finding a sense of peace and belonging. lcs feels like coming home 🏳️‍🌈

Little Red Courgette by blamebrampton

this was my first bb fic and their sense of humor just blew my mind. I was so impressed by the smooth world building, by their wit and clever political commentary. I just couldn’t stop laughing. the dialogue is so good it makes me wanna weep, I can’t explain how much joy and comfort this fic gave me

Merlin Works in Mysterious Ways by lordhellebore

full disclosure: my reading experience was shaped by the fact that I didn’t realize the tagged disability would be major and permanent 🤡 by the time I noticed I was so emotionally invested I couldn’t stop. one of the most painful reads I’ve ever endured, worth it tho

Running on Air by eleventy7 | my rec

introspective fics are my jam and this one was just what I needed while working through some shit at a turning point in my life. so I guess it was more about finding the right fic at the right time, and I’m hit by mixed feelings of catharsis and nostalgia every time I revisit roa.

Still Life (orphaned) | my rec

my definition of a perfect shortfic. gorgeous prose, flawless execution, the “nothing is happening but everything is changing” vibes I live for, one of the best Harry pov I’ve ever read and an ending that always makes me gasp in awe. few authors can write complex emotions so effortlessly as seefin, absolute masterclass

Super Rich Kids by trishjames | my rec

criminally underrated, this story broke my heart but also gave me such a THRILL. I usually avoid substance abuse in fic but something about Draco’s spiral journey felt so raw it kept me at the edge of my seat. devastating but also a surprisingly funny and exciting thriller. the range!!!

The Long Fall by tackytiger | my rec

as someone who’s never been into kid fic and family dynamics, this was a punch on the solar plexus and rearranged my whole view about this trope. I was deeply moved by Harry’s longing for a family of his own and despite not having or wanting kids, this still felt really cathartic and changed me in a way I can’t quite explain.

[vilixxr]

simon’s love (that swallows you whole)

butcher!simon x gn!reader

tags: gore-ish, vague blood/knifeplay (metaphorical), borderline cannabalism, you're a florist yay

notes: a story between you and a simon that loves like he devours. + this is so heavily inspired from tender is the flesh by crashtestbunny, pls go read, it altered my brain chemistry i’m srs

wc: 799

His time as a butcher has yet to leave him.

Even when he returns from the throes of war, back to a little shop in his hometown, he still remembers everything so vividly. His hands move in memory: Each cut, precise, at the bone, against the unwanted fat. Each vein along the cut he’ll remember by heart, until he lets the butcher knife drop with a dull thunk against the chopping board. He dresses and places every order in a bag, treating it with a kindness that he'll never use anywhere else.

It’s still the stale, unpleasant place he knows. A weird sense of belonging that goes along with it, even in the chilling depths of the storage room, or when he places himself at the front for patrons to shuffle up to. He realized he did belong there, to some degree; destined to be a butcher, blood permanently coating the creases of his hands.

And when you came along, you reminded him just how much of a butcher he can be.

You learned of the fear the first day you had met him. A florist around the area, hands clean of carnage and a light fragrance of lavender. It made its way through the shop, through to him, and he latched on before he could catch himself.

You were hesitant, almost frozen in your place while facing him, while he took the time to take you in. The potential you'd have, if your muscles weren't so stiff. The veins running down your arms in beautiful branches. Your heart that he could pierce through, watch it beat against his cutting board.

It was a brief moment, an interaction where he bore holes into your soul and you kept your eye on the way the grip on his knife would tighten and loosen in a terrifying rhythm. He could imagine you already, just like this. Something he could sink his teeth into. Tender, if he put in the work to chase you up the table he had prepared.

He cut the last piece for you, the knife meeting the board and resounding throughout the shop. Just like that, he soon prepared and handed you your order in a bag, and you were gone, leaving him with a "thank you" even softer than before. The lingering fragrance of lavender permeated the air still, leaving him to wonder if he had ever changed from his time spent as a teenager. Maybe, he really was destined to a butcher.

He must have retained too much of his job, even in his time away from it. Has to, as he can’t stop thinking of you.

Slowly, he'd let you into his space, even with the hunger he possessed that spikes when you approach. You were way too sweet, almost saccharine, he learned. You were the sugar shoved down his throat, and he couldn't avoid choking up every single time.

Gift-giving tried to make up for the distance you had kept up long before you had started this "thing" that the both of you had. It all starts with the flowers you sent. Bouquets, arranged to encapsulate everything you think he may be, did the talking for you. Way too perfect sets of warm oranges and pinks and especially red, the same he sees daily. You hand him the bouquet with delicate hands that shake, a silent declaration of love that you can't bring yourself to say. He doesn't miss the way your hands crack as they fold, light welts blooming at your wrists and down your forearms. Much prettier than your arrangement, spots that enhance the skin he yearns to peel off, reveal the tissue underneath. You smile, all teeth and no genuine happiness, and he licks his lips in return, an image of reds coating his teeth after having you between them.

Really, the bouquets felt like charity. They reeked of pity to him, like he was a puppy to coddle and call to rest to get him to stop growling at everyone who wasn't you. They tasted of pity, but he took them anyways. All the arrangements, full of flowers he didn't care to know the name of and the reds he dreamed of. He took them all, even if you had both known that they would be left to wilt on his kitchen countertop. He took those, and everything else you had.

He'd indulge your need to pity him, with all the "shouldn't have, pet"s and wry smiles, just on one condition of his own: He gets to open you up in return. Dissect you in his personal time, run his fingers along your arteries. You get to tell him that those flowers all remind you of him, and he'll soon get to feel your heart beat in his hands.

stars n dots divider by cafekitsune

[blindbatalex]

bruins hrpf recs from the server #5

Hello again! The theme for this week was ✨ a fic that broke your heart ✨ Below are our recs:

rec lists so far: || week 4 || week 3 || week 2 || week 1 ||

A (Little) Slice of Heaven by Anonymous || willypasta || 11,541 words || reccer's notes: this fic rewired my brain. I read it months and months and months ago and I have yet to recover. 11/10 I come back to it way more than I probably should

(and i’ve got a plane to catch) you drove me all the way back by @fvcking-damage || mcgryz || 2,862 words || reccer's notes: this is some self-indulgent mcgryz angst i wrote a couple of years ago, idk what i was writing out with this one but. yeah

and turns to dust by adjacently || Jordan Eberle/Taylor Hall || 2,130 words || reccer's notes: i can eat taylor hall angst for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

between your love and mine by @blindbatalex || willypasta || 6,360 words || reccer's notes: This is a story about trying to reconcile two sides of your identity that are at irreconcilable conflict with one another, and what having your wings clipped like that at a young age does to a person.  I certainly broke my own heart while writing it.

dancing by @rasksmoustache || marcheron || 1,111 words || reccer's notes: This fic is so vivid and visceral and sad, it permanently altered my brain chemistry.  Unrequited (but is it really?) marcheron which gets the feeling of loving someone and being just a little too late so so well

Done & Undone by @ghostgeno || marcheron || 14,428 words || reccer's notes: 2023 Game 7, the aftermath. Fair warning: I don’t reread this very often because of how effectively it puts you in Brad’s headspace immediately after the game, in brutal, excruciating detail. And yet. And yet. If you feel like being taken apart and then put back together, if you want to feel all the loss and tenderness and love that remains despite the loss, read this fic.

good at secrets by @fridgefishwrites || prefix boys; mcgryz || 4,017 words || reccer's notes: this fic meant (and means) so much to me because it just gets what trying to live your life and build something beautiful while faced with unrelenting homophobia is like.  I love the non-linear narrative and the prefix boys but it was always Matt who stole the show for me in this story

like a stranger by blindbatalex || marcheron || 13,142 words || reccer's notes: not a fic alex hasn't read before (sorry bud) but i'm Obsessed with fics where the characters talk past each other and the angst compounds and this fic is a perfect example of that, amongst other things!!!

make no apologies by @sphesphe || marcheron || 3,757 words || reccer's notes: Brad gets himself suspended before the Winter Classic and Patrice takes it harder than he thinks he should.  He plays it off as fine, things happen, just be better Marchy but it isn't true. He's angry. After the game, Brad stops by, they have a talk and lo and behold, feelings emerge! (And much more!)

Sixth Borough by bookhousegirl || Jimmy Hayes/Frank Vatrano || 3,067 words || reccer's notes: The third in a trilogy of fics featuring this pairing. This is a very quiet little vignette featuring two former Bruins who were not stars and did not end up experiencing great success in their time here. It exists entirely in the gray of adult complications and disappointments, and refuses any easy catharsis, and is beautiful for those reasons. For those of us who cared about the Bruins in the (relatively) dismal era between 2015-17 it may come across as a tiny time capsule; for everyone else, I hope the delicate way it honors the hopes and dreams of those who don’t become hometown heroes, who don’t get the happily everafter ending, stays with you.

Westward Expansion by bookhousegirl || Jimmy Hayes/Frank Vatrano || 3,625 words || reccer's notes: Jimmy stares out vacantly at the coaster climbing the track. “Just because we’re from the same place doesn’t mean we’re from the same place.” When Frank takes Jimmy to Six Flags, he expects it to be a fun day, showing Jimmy all the rides he used to love growing up. Jimmy is distracted though, melancholy because Frank has so much promise and Jimmy took so long to get to where he is.

Wolverine Feed by @sphesphe || swaymark || 10,659 words || reccer's notes: fic that makes me ill each and every time i think about it

[s-u-g-a-r-rush1997]

The Introductory Post that Explains it all Some of it

This is an 18+ blog. You've been warned.

Welcome to my game blog. I'll be your host and humble narrator. The rules of this game blog are-

A little further down on this post. I want to introduce myself first.

About ten years ago I watched a movie. That movie had one character with one particular scene that permanently altered my brain chemistry in irreparable ways.

This motherfucker right here.

Now, ten years later, my interest in the film has been resurrected. On top of that, I now feel the overwhelming itch to write. And that is why this blog exists today.

So with that out of the way-

Who I Write For:

King Candy (obviously)

King Candybug

Turbo

Fix it Felix

Sergeant Calhoun

Wreck it Ralph

What I Will Write:

Reader x canon

OC x canon

canon x canon

Platonic ships

Romantic ships

Suggestive content

Fluff

Angst

General headcanons

Maybes:

Fetish content - depends on what the fetish is.

NSFT - I'm good writing this, I just prefer other stuff.

What I Won't Write:

Romantic, suggestive, or NSFT content involving minors.

Heavy gore.

Anything involving scat.

Yandere content - possessive headcanons are fine, but I don't feel comfortable writing full yandere.

Now that you know what I'm comfortable - and uncomfortable - writing, you can either lurk in the background or submit a request of your own!

[honest-moth-of-silver-grove]

Hello! I was wondering if you could please write up a BG3 headcanon request involving Halsin, Wyll, Astarion and Gale? How would they react to/take care of their Tav who has an alcohol or drug addiction?

A/N: Aw, man, do I feel this ask. Sometimes I like to joke that I come from a long line of alcoholics, because, well, I do. But it’s usually me trying to put some levity into serious family discussions. I don’t think a lot of people understand that addiction is a physiological illness: it’s a full-body response, not a case of “mind over matter” as some people like to say. There’s such a stigma and it sucks because research shows that when we respond kindly, and not with punishment or ostracization, that’s when addicts have a higher chance of recovery. So know that while I am no expert on addiction, I did try my best to be respectful and accurate. I hope you enjoy! 

TW: Addiction, Alcoholism 

BG3 Male Companions Taking Care of Tav Who Battles Alcoholism/Addiction 

Astarion: 

In a way, Astarion is kind of an addict himself. He’s a vampire, spawn, or ascendant, he needs blood for energy. He can go for extended times without it, but those times have been tortuous and caused lasting mental and emotional damage. That eternal need hanging over his head coupled with the impact of Cazador’s abuse has permanently re-wired his brain. Astarion doesn’t react like the average elf, he can’t, not anymore. 

So when it comes to altered brain chemistry, Astarion’s certainly no stranger. Although his addiction lies more within the supernatural, he can use his own experience to relate to Tav’s more pedestrian affliction. 

Astarion won’t ever outright deny Tav something. If Tav asks for a drink or a drug, Asation won’t take it upon himself to literally hold Tav down as a means of keeping them from consuming it. Astarion knows that method won’t work in the long run, and would most likely only result in Tav resenting him, and he can’t have that. 

Astarion will make a face or two, however, his expression switches from concerned to slightly judgemental depending on the context. He wants Tav to be aware of his opinion, but he doesn't want to smother them. Tav’s not a child, Astarion isn’t responsible for them. 

Still, thanks to his concern, I do think Astarion would confront them about it. He’d need to speak to Tav to hear for himself precisely what's going on. If Tav is still in their denial phase, Astarion tries hard to get them out of it. There’s no use trying to help someone who refuses to acknowledge they have an issue. Astarion knows, so he understands the shame that comes with it. But he reminds Tav he did eventually come clean about being a vampire, and about his past with Cazador, so now it’s Tav’s turn to do the same. 

Once Tav is open about their struggles, Astarion makes a point to check in with them throughout the day. He’ll nonchalantly provide Tav with alternatives to drink: water or tea, things that aren’t ale, and wine. He’ll be subtle about it though. Astarion will never act as if he’s going out of his way to do Tav a favor. No, it’s not like that, he swears! It just so happens Gale was asking for tea and Astarion thought he’d go make him some seeing as how sad and pathetic the wizards had been acting over losing his goddess, and Astarion thought, well, perhaps Tav would like some as well. 

The most difficult part for Astarion is witnessing Tav endure withdrawal. It’s a horrible, painful process. If Astarion didn’t know any better, he’d say the whole thing looked a lot like being killed and then brought back from the dead. He still remembers the way his body ached and burned and hungered upon Cazador turning him into a vampire. It may have been two hundred years but nothing could ever make him forget that pain. It’s why Astarion wishes, more than anything, that he could alleviate such agony for Tav. 

If Astarion remains a spawn, there’s nothing he can do but hold Tav close, dab their forehead with a cool cloth, and whisper soft words of comfort into their ear. ‘You will be alright, darling. Even this will pass.’ 

If Astarion has become a vampire ascendant, however, he can make Tav a vampire, if that is something Tav chooses. This isn’t a magic fix, however. While there’s a possibility Tav may no longer have the addictions they did as a vampire that they did as a human, there’s no guarantee that hunger will not carry over. Should it carry over, Tav would then be forced to be content with those previous addictions in addition to their newfound bloodlust. It’s a risk. But even if there’s a small chance it could work, Astarion proposes the idea to Tav. Ascendant Astarion would still find it preferable for Tav to be an addict as a spawn, as it makes it incredibly easy for him to control Tav’s actions. Sure, they may still be addicted, but without Astarion’s permission, they can’t take what they want when they want. It would create tension and a fair degree of hostility between the two. But Astarion the Vampire Ascendent believes an angry, vampire-spawn Tav to be superior to a happy dead one. 

And of course, no matter whether he’s a spawn or ascended Astarion makes a point that despite Tav’s addiction, he’s not going anywhere. If Tav falls off the wagon again, or if they’re not ready to try and face their addiction right now, Astarion will remain at their side, waiting for the day they’re ready to try again. ‘I’m not going anywhere my love. I can promise you that.’ 

Gale: 

Gale’s first response, of course, is to try and determine a way to solve this problem via magical means. Now as a wizard, he doesn’t have access to the kinds of healing spells druids and clerics have. But, he does a fair amount of arcane knowledge about enchantments, and curses. And well, what is addiction if not a natural, biological enchantment? Gale considers himself fairly rounded on the subject of human biology as well, so Tav is in for a bit of an earful if and when they first admit their affliction to him. 

Gale may not have experience with the kinds of addiction Tav is, but thanks to his experiments with Weave, and now having been cursed with the orb, Gale knows the urgency of living under a constant ticking clock. If he cannot consume the magic from magical artifacts, if the orb is not sated with bits of the Weave on occasion, he risks blowing up everyone for miles. 

In some ways, this makes Gale’s “addiction” all the more dangerous. It doesn’t merely affect his own body and the relationships with his loved ones, but it jeopardizes almost every other living person within Baldur’s Gate. Of course, Gale would never say this. And while he may think such a self-pitying thought, he dare not share it with Tav. The last thing Gale wants to do is make Tav’s very real problem seem inconsequential because it most certainly is not!

Instead, Gale offers to commiserate with Tav on occasion, making sure to never bellyache the loudest. He wants it to be Tav’s time to vent, complain, scream- to just let it all out. He knows Tav is under an incredible amount of pressure as their leader, addiction or not. Gale wants Tav to trust him enough for the two of them to be vulnerable around each other. I mean Mystra above! The whole camp knows that Gale’s easily susceptible most of the time, so there’s absolutely no shame in Tav admitting they experience similarly at times. 

Gale will take it upon himself to concoct a special drink menu for Tav, all nonalcoholic of course. It’s elaborate and painstakingly organized. If Tav thought their sober options were few and far between before, they certainly won’t now! Gale is the camp’s resident cook, so he takes pride in being able to satisfy not only everyone’s needs but to please their tastes as well. Well, except for Astarion. Blood is not ever to be a feature on Gale's menu, thank you very much!

The part Gale has some trouble with is wrapping his head around someone as wonderful as Tav would ever want such a life for themselves. Gale thinks highly of Tav, sometimes too highly. In some instances, Gale cannot see the forest for the trees thanks to the pedestal he’s placed Tav on. In such scenarios, Tav may have to remind Gale that they’re only mortal. And that this affliction of theirs is no more a choice than Gale’s own need for magic. 

Once Gale is on the same page, he ceases the majority of his condemnation, instead opting to try and distract Tav from the overwhelming desires raging on inside them. He offers to show Tav the Weave once more, or perhaps, some other simple, rather pretty tricks. Rolan’s display of fireworks in Emerald Grove wasn’t a difficult spell, and certainly no challenge for Gale. But if many simple spells are what it takes to keep Tav’s mind occupied as they ride out their newfound prohibition, then so be it. 

If by some miracle, Gale does find a spell or enchantment to help alleviate some of Tav’s worse withdrawal symptoms or cravings, he will perform it enthusiastically should Tav want. And if Tav prefers to handle this the old-fashioned way, Gale will do his best to bite his tongue and respect Tav’s choices. ‘I just want things to be easier for you. Life is hard enough as it is with all this tadpole business running around. Whatever you ask of me, you shall get.’ 

Gale is a faithful partner. He doesn’t run at the first sign of trouble, not when’s committed himself to another person. Be it in friendship, or romance, relationships mean a great deal to him. He refuses to let Tav endure this hardship alone. ‘I do not say this lightly: you mean a great deal to me. No matter the toils, I will stay by your side.’ 

Wyll: 

Wyll, above all else, aims to be an honorable man. Despite his suffering, despite his shortcomings and misfortunes, he refuses to falter or fall. His deal with Mizora may have sullied his Father’s view of him and dampened Wyll’s view of himself, but it did not change how he desires to see himself. Wyll knows the kind of man he wants to be and he does everything within his power to act accordingly. 

For Wyll, addiction is a difficult subject. He’s very strong-willed, and because he spends so much time working hard to do what he believes is the right thing, he can look down on other people at times. He has sympathy for people dealing with such afflictions, but behind his care, a small part of him is disappointed. He believes in choosing to be good, to try harder. He thinks all mortals are capable of acting wiser. So while Wyll understands Tav endures such difficulties now, Wyll also firmly believes Tav will have conquered them in the future. 

This can put a fair amount of pressure on Tav’s shoulders. But it can also serve to inspire them. In either case, Tav would need to talk to Wyll about how they feel when it comes to Wyll’s encouragement. Wyll, being the supportive man he is, would never want to intentionally make Tav feel demoralized. So if there’s something in his behavior or in his words of motivation that he can change to make Tav feel less burdened, he will do so. 

Wyll, like Astarion, knows he cannot make himself responsible for Tav’s choices. So Wyll does not take the part of Tav’s keeper, but he does make an effort to be near Tav as they make their decision, offering his opinion should Tav ask. The more Wyll’s presence remains a constant in Tav’s life, the more Wyll hopes Tav will come to appreciate his perspective. If Tav knows Wyll isn’t going to leave or abandon them anytime soon, they may feel emboldened to make the necessary tougher decisions of turning down a drink or two. 

Wyll is more than happy to stay up chatting the nights the cravings just won’t go away. During days Tav’s irrepressible urge causes them to feel restless and manic, Wyll asks Tav to join him for a lesson in combat. After all, he’s not called the Blade of Frontiers for nothing. Sweating out the chemicals and forcing the body to flush all the drugs out of Tav’s system is a great way to sober up. And if the symptoms of withdrawal aren’t all-consuming, it also makes for a great distraction. 

However, during the periods everything is all just too much: the headaches, the nausea, the itchiness, and the sweating won’t stop, Wyll finds a shady spot in camp for the two of them to rest. And as Tav rides out such agonizing lows, Wyll tells stories of his time as a child living in Baldur’s Gate in soothing, hushed tones. His warm voice brings comfort, a much-needed contrast to the ailment Tav’s fighting. 

Wyll cares deeply for Tav. And he believes in Tav, even when Tav doesn’t believe in themselves. ‘You can resist this, you will resist this.’ 

Wyll has no intentions of going anywhere. Addiction or sobriety, he and Tav are a team. Wyll sees Tav as a great hero: he knows they can fight to save themselves. ‘You are the strongest person I know. Nevertheless, you do not have to shoulder this burden alone.’ 

Halsin: 

Halsin is the least likely to have any shared experience when it comes to dealing with addiction. He has fought off depression and hopelessness time and time again but he knows not of the pitfalls addiction brings. Having lived as long as he has, there’s no doubt he’s met those suffering from such afflictions. And being a druid, he may even have been consulted on how best to treat them. But that’s the end of Halsin’s experience. 

If Tav has an issue, any issue, Halsin is more than willing to help Tav navigate it. After all, Tav helped him save the shadowlands from their darkness. There is no ask too great, Halsin could never say no to aiding Tav with a favor. To Halsin, Tav is a savior: they saved Emerald Grove, they saved Thaniel’s realm, hell, Tav saved all of Baldur’s Gate. Halsin feels he owes them unimaginable thanks. So it pains him greatly to know Tav is suffering. 

Halsin offers to use his abilities to help Tav ease their obsessive mind, and the nagging hunger addiction brings. Of course, druid magic alone is not enough to stop the urge from manifesting and whispering in Tav’s ear. Halsin offers to accompany Tav around town, to sort of supervise them, in his way. He won’t force Tav to change any of their decisions but he keeps a watchful eye almost like a doting father as he places a supportive hand on Tav’s shoulder each time they walk past a bar or tavern. 

Halsin knows he cannot control Tav’s actions, but he can influence the choices they make together as a duo. So long as he is at Tav’s side, Halsin will let his wise opinion be known. 

In their time outside of the city, Halsin takes time to educate Tav on the different flora and fauna found in Faerun. When they come across a plant used to ferment alcohol, Halsin explains the history of the process. Yes, wine and ale are examples of making use of what nature provides, but as with all other things, even nature must be consumed in moderation. Mother Nature blesses everyone with the ability to enjoy such pleasures, but that gift can double as a curse. It is a test of our restraint and humility to know when and where to indulge. 

Speaking of indulgence, Haslin would not recommend swapping one appetite for another, but should Tav want to bide their time engaging in an alternative pleasure, Halsin would be more than happy to oblige. Physical activity and sweating would help relieve Tav’s body of some of the toxins built up within their system. In addition, such activity provides a temporary release of euphoria in the body and brain, which would help combat the pain and despondence that come with withdrawal. ‘If I can provide you with the least bit of comfort. It’s no hardship from me. Far from it.’ 

In the case Halsin leaves Tav for a time to settle the newly displaced within Thaniel's healed realm, he does what he can to ensure his new village is a place of continued healing and sobriety for Ta. Halsin privately enlightens all of the other adults within his new settlement about Tav’s condition. He asks them, respectfully, to refrain from providing Tav with any alcohol or other substances whenever Tav comes to visit. 

Halsin does all within his power to let Tav know they are not alone in their journey, and that no matter the setbacks along the way, he intends to bolster Tav through it all. ‘You are by far nature’s greatest gift to me. No matter the foe, be it the shadows or the dependency within your mind, could ever keep me from you.’ 

If You Enjoyed, Please Consider Tipping Me Via Kofi!

[btscontentenjoyer]

Hii!! Just wanted to ask who your favorite authors are for recs?🥰

Hellooo💕💕 Thank you for giving me the opportunity to gush about my favourite authors because I am literally always looking for a reason to do just that. That being said, it was so hard to narrow down this list to a somewhat reasonable degree and I still feel like I probably missed some people, there are just so many talented lovely humans here, so I apologise if I did! I also know that people usually just tag the authors but I'm me, so I also had to ramble.

So first off, the reason that I even made this blog was because I wanted to praise @kithtaehyung 's work, so I have to say Ryen, her stories mean so much to me. I also love @gimmethatagustd 's like entire masterlist and am so excited about all of Jai's wips. @kpopfanfictrash and @ahundredtimesover 's stories have a way of sticking in my head and refusing to leave. @here2bbtstrash is the master of smut and characterisation and I won't ever stop saying it. If you want the perfect blend of fluff and smut, head on over to @here4btsfics. On the other hand, if you want some good ass angst and poetic writing, @taegularities is your girl. @chryblossomjjk and @jjungxkook 's portrayals of Jungkook have permanently altered my brain chemistry. And last but not least, if you want to feel like you're reading poetry under a warm blanket, check out @onlyswan!

There are also so many authors that I feel like could be favourites once I read more from them, but that's a different topic. This was so overindulgent, I'm sorry, but I hope you check out some of these talented people and end up loving them just as much <3

[lgbtlunaverse]

I think i need to explain why this line makes me go so feral

I think the "fine! I'll kill myself after I kill you" line from nie mingjue in chapter 49 permanently altered my brain chemistry and it has something to do with precisely how i got into the mdzs fandom space in the first place.

I've mentioned it a few times but i started watching the untamed in late 2019 right as it was blowing up everywhere and, likely due to a combination of undiagnosed adhd wrecking my ability to be interested in anything for longer than 4 seconds and me very much not being used to the specific style of acting, especially during fightscenes, i never finished it. The only concrete memory i have of it is seeing wen qing's face and meng ziyi completely short circuiting my little gay brain. I remember more of staring endlessly at pictures of her than I remember of the plot. Press F to pay respects.

Flash forward a few years and a friend recommends me a fic writer for an fma fic (the fic riter in question is metisket) and i like their stlye so much i decide to read other stuf they've written. Here we get to our prime suspect: "the one body problem" a genuinely hilarious fic where jingyi gets posessed by wei wuxian like a year before the plot happens and they become awkward brain buddies. 10/10 i loved it (and still do) even though i remember huasiang showing up in my first reading and I, having fully forgotten his name, had no fucking clue what was going on. (Little did i know...)

Anyway flash forward ANOTHER year and I decide to reread that fic, and then the other untamed fic metisket wrote, a wen qing time travel fix it that's also real fun. And then i'm like. huh. that's fun. wonder if there's anything in their bookmarks.

And then, within 20 days, I had read approximately 350 fics. Many of them 100k+ words. I cannot stress enough how much this CONSUMED my brain's ability to do or think about anything else. I now think back to the early days of getting my adhd diagnosis and insisted that while i had pretty much all other symptoms, I did not get hyperfixations. Lol. Lmao, even.

I am mainly focused on wangxian and the junior quartet becuase they are my baby ducklings and i love them. I do come across some 3zun fics and I think huh... this is interesting. But the 3zun brainrot is LIGHT at this point.

The thing about reading more than 350 fanfics is that at some point you kind of piece the plot of the source material back together backwards. Especially because my favorite genre was time travel fix its, where characters relive the whole plot and like to make allusions to all the ways everything went wrong last time.

Because I'm still squarely in my wangxian + juniors (plus a heavy dosis of yunmeng sibling reconciliation) corner here... the feelings on jin guangyao in my fandom corner are. different from where I'd end up soon after. He is my special little guy though, so I do kind of immediatley develop a fondness for him, and I approach my 3zun and early nieyao thoughts specifcially from the assumption that the widespread opinion is that nie mingjue is a fine good guy and jgy is the evil one (I have not seen the bad nmj takes yet. well... I am seeing DIFFERENT bad nmj takes but they're nice to him. In, like, the wrong way. With no solid undertanding of the inherent tragedy at the heart of him that makes him so blorbo to me. But still.) major reactions to the stairs scene as I see them on twitter are "girlboss! He should've kicked him harder 💅"

And the baby jgy apologist in me goes :/ me no likey. And at this point I am also actively seeking out metas and analysis posts so i'm seeing some better opinions than that and getting a halfway solid graps on the themes. wwx and jgy being foils becomes very obvious to me very quickly. So, with my curent understanding of the plot, I go... you know all you people who are like "god i wish nmj would have killed jgy sooner" it uhh... kinda sounds like he'd have died if he did that. If he'd killed him before meng yao had gone off to spy there is a very big chance they'd have lost the sunshot campaign and most of the main cast would be dead. If he'd killed him at the stairs that's... well that's killing your sworn brother, which by the canon's own admission is a universally reviled crime, and jin guangshan could easily take advantage of this by demanding nmj's head in retribution, since he already wanted to get rid of him anyway. He doesn't give a fuck about a-yao of course but he could pretend well enough that he does. And what leg would nmj have to stand on? The jin clan is canonically both willing and able to slaughter entire clans for the murder or attempted murder of the leader or his family, and nie mingjue is the kinda guy who'd immediately offer himself up if it meant the rest of his clan would be spared.

This combined with jin guangyao specifcally dying for his murder of nie mingjue, with huaisang basically not caring much about everything else he does and wanting to get revenge only for his brother, it gives nieyao a sort of mutual doomed soulmates feel. For either of them, killing the other would spell death for themselves. They either both die or they both live, one cannot live on without the order. That's crunchy. I like it.

The fire palace though? well, on meng yao's part there is a real argument that if he'd let nmj get killed immediatly instead of dragging it out he wouldn't have been able to get wrh alone and distracted enough to assasinate him, so that's one half of the mutual doom coin, and if nmj had killed him during their fight there he's also done for. But after? Right before Xichen intervenes? I had no answer for that yet.

(You know what's coming. I did not)

It is at this point that i realize that if this is gonna keep being A Thing then i need to read the source material before I catch fatal fanon poisoning. Yes, I can piece together the plot and themes from seeing what stays consistent across fics and what are the author's own opinons. But I know just as well that sometimes fanon just agrees on shit that didn't happen and treats it like canon, and I have no way of knowing which is which. So I start reading the novel.

And of course, eventually I get to the empathy sequence. And remember, my "nieyao both live or both die" theory is heavy on my mind at this point, and the only stickler is that nmj could sort of have killed meng yao after the confrontation with wrh, still believing meng yao was actually working for him, and not a spy, and get off... not scott-free, Xichen won't be happy, but it's not gonna cost him his life.

And then I read THIS.

Please Imagine dropping a whole block of pure elemental sodium into water. Except the sodium is this quote and the water is my poor little delicate brain. Not only is my theory right, it is ten times more unhinged than i thought it was.

And considering that Nie Mingjue does not seem like the kind of guy who'd consider something like a life debt to have an expiration date, and because after this he will link himself legally and socially to jin guangyao as family and declare that one among their brotherhood turning against the others is to be met with a painful death, I can no longer read the scene at the stairscase in jinlintai without the impression that he is still planning to die afterwards. Which, if you wanted to make that scene even more painful, this is a very efficient way of losing all your remaining hinges.

I think I'd have gone crazy about this line no matter what context I heard it in, but this one specifically? where I'm already obsessed with idea of nieyao's deaths being connected by the narrative and missing just this one piece and having it confirmed? out loud? from one of the characters himself? It's like giving cocaine to a baby.

[just-a-carrot]

I think you mentioned once that all the themes for our wonderland kinda came to you as the story progressed and it’s like??? DUDE??? THAT IS SO IMPRESSIVE considering this game had not only me but my FRIEND in tears by the end of it because of how important the things told in this story were to us and how closely to home they hit for us. I was a wet BABY after orlam’s chapter because he reminds me so much of myself and we have a very similar past and trauma, like I felt so fucking SEEN in that chapter and every time it would touch on his backstory and his anger and resentment towards being abused by the people who he was /stuck with/ who were /supposed to be his friends/.

like bro called me out in ways I didn’t know were POSSIBLE and you’re just gonna sit here and tell me that you were like “haha maybe I’ll add this in :)” CARROT DO YOU REALIZE THAT YOU ARE AN ACTUAL FUCKING WIZARD AND NEED TO BE STUDIED.

YOU MAKE ONE OF THE BEST GAMES I HAVE EVER PLAYED WITH CHARACTERS THAT FEEL LIKE HUMAN BEINGS AND GIVE ME THE IMMEDIATE URGE TO GIVE YOU THE ENTIRE CONTENTS OF MY BANK ACCOUNT AS SOON AS I FINISHED THE GAME AND YOU HAVE THE GALL TO SLAP A “FREE GAME” PRICE ON IT AND SAY “haha I just like making games I don’t need to make money off of it :)” CARROT I AM SHAKING YOU SO HARD RN. CARROT MY MIND IS SPINNING HOW CAN YOU BE THIS NICE AND GENEROUS?????????? /lh

I actually seethe about once a day knowing that I can’t give you any of my hard-earned cash for like merch or the game, period. Carrot playing this game for free is like receiving a free winning lottery ticket on the STREET like I didn’t even DO ANYTHING and you’re just gonna give me something that CHANGED MY LIFE DRASTICALLY and PERMANENTLY ALTERED MY BRAIN CHEMISTRY???????????????????? carrot I’m frothing at the mouth rn. carrot I’m insane. I fucking love this game so much bro you are a gift bro

yes....I would say many key parts of the overall story didn't really form until I was actively working on it. many of the arcs were just kinda skeletons where I knew essentially what I wanted to happen but with not much filled in, and then everything would just start flooding my brain once I reached it to start figuring out all the pieces and come up with new ideas and scenes along the way

I could not tell you how I was able to bring some of it together so well I honestly surprised myself at times lol...

I guess maybe because I had the core characters down so even when they'd show me new things about themselves in the new directions the story threads were taking it was always just like "oh ofc that makes sense" lol who knows... I have lived with these characters a long time now and they still surprise me but always in ways that feel like they're not new 😂

"haha maybe I'll just add this in :)" -> yeah that sounds about right 🤣🤣

oh gosh hahaha so intense jghghg I'm really touched??? that my game could have such an impact makes me feel very honored but also very sheepish lol. I am sorry you can't give me money(????). honestly ppl playing my games and engaging with my characters is my greatest joy. I don't need any money from it... And I'm lucky that I can do most of game dev myself so it doesn't cost me much (besides my own time and sanity) to make games, so it's not like I need money to keep devving either. I just want as many ppl as possible to be able to experience my stories (if they want to ofc 🤣 I also realize my stuff isn't for everyone)

I just want to thank honestly everyone that plays my stuff and interacts with me and shows their love for my chars. that's really the currency that keeps me going tbh (that and my mind plague)

this is such an intense ask I'm not sure what else to say 🤣 thank you so much tho 💕 the sheer energy of this made my heart go brrrrr

[raccoonfallsharder]

let me love your OCs

to request a doodle, read and reblog this post. (currently CLOSED) art masterlist | navigation | fiction masterlist current queue | rocket art | my OCs

petra quill, j'me, petra again | moon, juno, rose ♡

doodle requests are currently CLOSED.

i reserve the right to choose & reorganize my queue based on wherever inspiration strikes (it's not that i don't like your OC ~ it's just that my creativity is a fickle thing). i do tend to most enjoy drawing humanoid femmes with reckless hair in the gotg fandom, so they will probably get priority.

avery, jolie, fleuret, chérie | ken, brita, star, akira | ember, mori, magril, dori

see below the cut for the whole list!~

Akira (@bakaotakulife) look at this shiny blue-haired badass. she has such an interesting backstory and you'll want to follow her creator to find out more about what happens next, i'm just saying.

Avery Malloli (@evolvingchaoswitch) is a fuckin badass bar-owner with sexy arm-muscles and tattoos and both i and jolie have crushes on them.

Brita (@pretty-chips) is such a pure, delightfully fun character with record-store-clerk vibes. Thank you for letting me draw her. She is a glowing sunbeam-soul. ♡ another Brita wearing a terran t-shirt gifted to her by my oc, Jolie Spinner

Chérie (Cherry) (@aliasrocket) I have a crush. 10/10 would attempt to flirt with (badly). Thank you so much for creating her and letting me doodle her! Dori (@funkydancingdinosaur ) i have deeply loved having the chance to draw and paint tadoria. they are so rad and i love their bioluminescent fucken eyes. i may end up having to draw them again at some point just to play with those eyes again. so fuckin cool

Ember (@thirteens-lucky-tardis) this girl is a fucking dragon. she’s got such interesting background lore and she’s cool as fuck. i vow i will, someday, draw her wings. truly a rich and interesting oc with great interactions with rocket! thank you gif letting me doodle her!

Erit (@hipothermia) is a super-interesting cat-like alien with some mind-control powers, gorgeous patterning, and she's besties with rocket (i get it. they both like to annoy quill.) SUPER cool character, SUPER fun to draw! ♡♡

Fleuret (@elegant-fleuret) is my personal caffeine deity. i now pray to her for the ability to scrape myself out of bed and for deliverance from coffee crashes. she is also the dj of knowhere which is possibly the coolest fucking job in the universe and i would like to be her friend.

J'me (@caesarhamato22) is a badass babe and i loved getting to try some new things and make up some guns. plus making something for jay is like. making an offering to a god. such a fucken honor

Jolie (Window Across the Galaxy) - my gremlin child. just some scritchy-scratchy character concepts. feel free not to look if you want to imagine Jo in your own way. ♡ another series of low-rent jolies ♡ the "real" Jolie doodle - refined, finished, && in color ♡ a favorite scene of Jolie & Rocket (Chapter IV. Got There First.) ♡ i just wanted to add other folks' beautiful art of jolie here too. i am so grateful for these treasures ♡♡

very first portrait of jolie by @raccoonmybeloved ~ so fucking cute i died

sims of jo by @evolvingchaoswitch ~ particularly love her paint-spattered outfit

an absolutely drool-worthy nsfw of rocket & jolie by @lazarel-3000 that permanently has altered my brain chemistry and lives in my mind forever ♡♡♡

Juno (@lazarel-3000) is one of my favorite OCs ever. she is everything. i want to be her && i want to date her (unfortunately she only has eyes for rocket). ♡ a rough little juno sketch because i just love her that much (+ it was a birthday thing!) ♡ another juno [NSFW], covered in sparklies, per one of my fave scenes from The All of You ♡ my favorite juno so far ~ a lineless portrait. she's so fuckin gorgeous and i cannot get enough of her!

Ken (@thismonthshyperfixation) ken is a very rad-as-hell woodworker who meets pete on terra. they go on a space-road-trip to knowhere so ken can meet rocket. they have very cool hair and tattoos and i wanna hang out with them and talk about making stuff

Magril (@rxin3akamallory) i have so enjoyed getting to know magril over the months that rxin3 has been patiently waiting for this doodle. she's such a clever, resourceful, resilient little sweetheart, an opossum, and a halfworld refugee who escaped via a ravager ship. plus her eye is a camera?? i love her!!

Dr Meti Geer (@luci-j) look, if you wanna read a VERY charming and hilarious fanfiction series about a half-celestial feline(ish) genius and chief veterinarian of knowhere who almost break's rocket's junk by falling off a roof and then accidentally married my favorite raccoon, you need to check out meti's story. i love getting to try my hand at drawing the illustrious dr geer and i am grateful for the opportunity to try and practice my extremely-limited hand at anthropomorphic characters. HE'S SO CUTE

Moon (@glow-autumz) with Rose (see below). Thank you for letting me draw these two lovelies. You know I headcanon them as interdimensional besties ♡ ♡ another Moon (@glow-autumz) Thank you again for letting me illustrate some of Moon's rad powers. i am OBSESSED. I appreciate so much you bringing her to life! ♡ a Moon-Mermaid (@glow-autumz) because she has captured my imagination. Thank you for letting me continue to doodle your amazing, gravity-defying, gorgeous-haired girl!

Mori (@blueberrysquire) this adorable badass is an alien space psychologist who focuses on shepherding folks across the threshold of life and death. they live incredibly long and their lore is rad as fuck. i took way too long to draw this character but they are an absolute delight and you should read more about them!

Petra Quill [NSFW] (@hibatasblog) so this version of peter is rad as hell and i wanted to draw them in their seductive shi'ar lingerie. petra quill is the darling version of peter quill who features large in all of this author's rocket x fanfiction and i love them. this particular sequence is from casino royale and you should check them out on ao3! ♡ another Petra (+Rocket!), chilling on the eclector (@hibatasblog) a scene starring the two babies from hibata's fanfic entanglement. it's truly the warmest hug of a story and you should all read it ASAP. (this is actually a complete art piece, with like a background and everything lol)

Rose (@love-for-faeries-go-burrrr ) & Moon (see above) Thank you for letting me draw these two lovelies. You know I headcanon them as interdimensional besties ♡ ♡ Another Rose (@love-for-faeries-go-burrrr) because I love her so, so much. aka rose gets her wings back

Star (@cleo-is-babygirl) is a pure fluffy little sundrop and a brilliant self-taught medic/surgeon. she is also the first tanuki/anthropomorphic animal i have drawn other than rocket so i was very nervous but i did my best. thank you for letting me try something new and expand my experience, friend!

Tessa Udonta (@guardian-angel12) is a metallic badass, a survivor of the high evolutionary and the kree, and a ravager. i adored getting the chance to draw her, especially with her silver eyes ♡♡♡ absolute goddess.

[evostrashbin]

Aside from Grima, who’s a character you simp for? Doesn’t have to be Fire Emblem related either.

I honestly don't really have any other characters that I simp for *like that* and that permanently altered my brain chemistry in that way 🙈

I do have a bunch of favorite characters and some ships from different media though that I love alot for various reasons but it's nowhere near close to that haha

[imminent-danger-came]

Hi there! Anon sent reeling by S1E6 again! And I would just like to say that your response to my ask made me So Normal. Especially you bringing up S2E6, which is why I’m currently setting up a lawn chair here on the brink of insanity, because apparently I’m not going anywhere anytime soon. 

Because yes, you’re completely right about S2E6 demonstrating this cycle of pushing others away while pushing themselves towards greatness and accidentally leaving pain in their wake that MK and SWK have managed to stick themselves in, but ALSO now I can’t stop thinking about how we get Shadow Play IMMEDIATELY afterwards. 

Like… how much do you think Macaque had seen? Obviously he could see MK getting too caught up in his own head (*cough* and trauma *cough*) and shutting out his friends, but… how much had he seen seen, you know?

And now I also can’t stop thinking about how immediately after Shadow Play, we get To Catch a Leaf. Which is obviously an incredible episode in its own right, but it’s also the first episode since Minor Scale where MK is surrounded by his friends and he lets them help him. Because in S2E6, Mei and Sandy are with him, but he’s not really with them. He’s focused on getting stronger, to the point where he ignores them telling him exactly how to do so. And in the beginning of Shadow Play, we learn that he’s been further isolating himself off screen and blowing off activities with them so that he could focus on ‘[being] ready’. 

But then To Catch a Leaf happens. And it starts off with MK surrounded by the others, having recently done something fun (curses aside) with Mei, and it’s not a big deal. He’s not stressing about getting stronger or being ready, he’s just… there with them. Present and in the moment, at least as much as he can be, and it’s fine. He’s fine, and more importantly he seems to be letting them in and being a bit more open with them. 

And this carries on into 72 Transformations! Because obviously he still hasn’t told them The Thing, but he does go from ignoring/avoiding them while trying to get more powerful to calling them all up so that he can involve them. Figure at least some things out, together. And it drives me insane because he was getting better! He may very well have worked his way up to telling the others about LBD! But then she came a-knocking with more trauma, and it blasts him two steps back and it’s just… AHHH! He was SO CLOSE!!!

Also, side note: Do you think MK believes he has a body count? And I don’t even mean the nebulous potential casualties from all the recent disasters that MK blames himself for, I’m talking about Spider Queen specifically. Because MK isn’t an idiot. If he didn’t know she was dead (or whatever getting sucked into the furnace counts as) immediately after the sewers, he would have put two and two together after Destiny Fulfilled. And considering this is the guy who blames himself for DBK getting out despite knowing that SWK was right next to him in bird form the entire time, I don’t think it’s a stretch to say that he probably thinks it’s his fault. So… do you think it’s possible he sees himself as a murderer? Or, like, murderer adjacent? And if he does, how much more layered and messed up do you think that’d make the potential ‘Wukong reveals he killed Macaque’ moment?

Sorry for the long ask, the monkey show has changed me for better and worse. I will never be the same. *reclines on my lawn chair, gazing out over the precipice of madness with a thousand yard stare*

One: never apologize for a long ask, especially when it has so much good stuff in it! Two: I KNOW RIGHT. The monkey show really does change you for the better or for the worst. I'm still reeling from s4 and it's been 4 months, and then the s4 special came in and permanently altered my brain chemistry once again. I have a house next to this abyss.

ANYWAYS.

The back and forth of MK's character is one of my favorite things about lmk (of which I have many)! He takes 2 steps forward and then 4 steps back, and I think that's a testament to what getting better can look like—it's not linear. Sometimes, it's not even moving forward, and that's hard.

I think a great example of this "2 steps forward and then 4 steps back" phenomenon is MK's growth in Revenge of the Spider Queen:

MK starts believing in himself, smiling at that face in the mirror. It's not a strong belief, not yet, but it's a start. You can even see him making this attempt to improve in 2x01:

(this got a little long so everything else under the cut!)

MK: "Ah! Ugh, come on MK you can do this! Self-confidence! That's Monkey King 101!"

"Wait! I am worthy! Definitely worthy!" I'm Monkie Kid! Basically the new Monkey King—might have heard of me? You know, the next chapter? I'm totally worthy!"

(2x01 Sleep Bug)

-

MK's even trying to mimic Monkey King here, the person he thinks he should be:

But then, as you've mentioned, LBD and 2x05 comes along.

And it's funny, because now we know MK did become more like Monkey King, just like he wanted, but it's in all the wrong ways.

((Kind of a side note: We also know that Monkey King couldn't have "picked the wrong successor", because there honestly wasn't another option for a successor to begin with. MK grappling with like, 3 levels of Wukong lies is what makes s2 so delicious to watch))

And then we have 2x06, and THEN 2x07, and I'm sure that's exactly why Macaque stepped in! He saw MK going down the same path Wukong did. The drive to become stronger, pushing his friends away—Macaque in Shadow Play knows exactly what he's talking about:

Macaque: "Well, with ol' Monkey King not around I thought someone should teach you a lesson! Ah MK, you really are dense, aren’t you. Haha, you saw a story about a hero who got handed everything, who didn’t have to work for anything, and you thought you were the other guy? The second the hero got real power, he couldn’t care less about his friends. That’s you bud." (2x07 Shadow Play)

("Everything I did was for us!" "You did it for yourself!" *head in my hands .png*)

Wukong leaves. That's what he does, and that's what he did to MK in both Revenge of the Spider Queen (leaving MK to fight Spider Queen and her mech alone) and 2x01.

And honestly, MK in s2 is simply doing his best to pick up the pieces, to be Monkie Kid alone, without SWK or even his friends. But it doesn't really work—hiding LBD's return from his friends didn't save them in 2x10, and it didn't stop the Lady Bone Demon, just like Wukong hiding LBD's return from MK didn't protect MK from any of it.

This pattern, of walking in Wukong's footsteps and making the same mistakes, keeps repeating itself.

MK's 2x08 parallel to Wukong in 3x10 is another good example of that.

MK's terrifying of hurting the people he cares about, so he leaves. He runs off, and this only hurts his friends further. ("Can't you see you're hurting the people who care about you the most?" and "I can’t risk hurting the people I care about—the one’s I have left.".)

And so, tying this all back to the s4 special, we're starting to see MK take 2 steps forward again:

MK: "You ever wish things will just stay like this, like they are right now?" Sun Wukong: "Pssshhkk, where's the fun in that?" Tang: "Uh um, Monkey King, we need to have a serious conversation about your idea of fun."

Mei: "At least we fixed something for a change, instead of destroying it!" MK: "Yeah! So long as we leave the world in better shape than we found it, then it's all good right?"

(4x14 Better Than We Found It)

-

And I'm waiting for the eventual 4 steps back.

Because well..."At least we fixed something for a change, instead of destroying it"...it's not that they didn't fix anything, but plenty was broken:

Flower fruit mountain was destroyed. Azure died. Whoever orchestrated all of this is still out there.

So, MK's current answer to "doing what you think is right" leading "to pain" might just not hold up. Because well, MK can try, that's for sure, but all that effort might still not make it a net positive, you know?

I think MK will blame himself for Azure's death, for SURE tough. He might have residual guilt about Spider Queen and everyone else harmed along the way, but Azure is the one I'm certain on. MK feeling like he's a "murder adjacent" and that compounding with the "Wukong Murdered Macaque" reveal and being "just like Wukong"...OH BABY. IT'S ALL COMING TOGETHER.

Like,

MK: "I just- I just want to be me. To be MK!" Curse MK: "Yeah well...we all know exactly where that leads." LBD Voice Over: "To pain."

(4x07 Pitiful Creatures)

-

Identity and destiny are very much intertwined in this show, and MK doing what he thinks is right and being himself leads to pain. That's exactly what happened to Azure—he took the Jade Emperor's throne to try and make the world a better place, but all he managed to do was barely fix what he himself had broken.

MK: "Yeah well...I'm kinda always the one getting the world in trouble to begin with so..."

(4x01 Familiar Tales)

-

All it's going to take is one antagonist speech towards MK that hits a little too close to home, and everything else is going to come crashing down.

I am very much getting geared up for my s5 lego tragedy, thank you very much!

[schismusic]

Metroid Dread, Michael Mann's Ferrari and the flimsy-ass excuses I tried to find to connect them

Sometimes it just takes some honesty to get lack of creativity out of the way.

This waiting thing I'm not new at, not at all. I've done it very often. The earliest I can remember I was eleven and Tron: Legacy was about to drop in theaters. You bet your ass I got the soundtrack the very second it entered record stores. It was an aesthetic-defining moment. The kind of stuff that alters your brain chemistry permanently. When some friends who were in Venice told me Ferrari was a bad movie I felt all kinds of stomach-churning. I don't mean to be François Truffaut-like and pretend like all movies made by Michael Mann are automatically good, but I do have insane amounts of respect for the man as a filmmaker, and after what happened with Blackhat - in short: a really good movie sorely mistreated by audiences, critics and box office revenue - I was kind of hoping in some sort of smash hit. I really needed a W, so to speak.

In case you guys were wondering, I kinda dig Patrick Dempsey as Piero Taruffi.

Once again it just kind of floored me for a second. It wasn't too clear-cut right away. I don't think it's one of his best - too many things just don't align: the acting feels distracted and half-hearted and the inexplicably botched adaptation/voice acting job they distributed in Italy is even worse than that laughable fake Italian accent everyone has on all the time in the original; some of the dialogue is insanely out of focus and thematically off-center in a way no other Mann movie ever allowed for; sometimes it feels like the movie itself has to take the script back onto its central theme without losing itself to agiographic intents; the photography often felt a bit too painterly for the movie to have that same electrifying visual feel as (most recently) Blackhat or (most impactfully) Miami Vice. Crucially, something still felt off in a good way. What to make, for instance, of the sunglasses symbolism that instantly connects a movie set in the late '50s with the original cyberpunk aesthetic wherein “by hiding the eyes, mirrorshades prevent the forces of normalcy from realizing that one is crazed and possibly dangerous,” like Bruce Sterling himself said? Or again the cuts to the clutch pedal and then the gear stick systematically being interpolated when someone is driving? Or yet again the sheer sense of speed, the same speed of sand slipping through one's fingers, every shot conveys? When I came out of the theater (a local monoplex, almost deserted, mostly dedicated to films d'essai - incidentally also the only theater that showed the movie without me having to go to the Big City) some people I knew asked me what I thought of it and my very honest reply was "ask me in about ten years". There's absolutely no telling what future filmmakers and film historians will make of this: everything rests on the shoulder of future Mann movies. These intuitions here, not just the communication discourse (which, once again, is pretty typical of all Michael Mann movies, starting at the very least from The Insider) but this unique omissive/breathless style of storytelling and information conveyance, might make for another cutting-edge, literally breathtaking Michael Mann thriller soon: very soon, if the voices about Heat 2 being adapted to a movie turn into a reality.

Yet ultimately at the heart of every horrifying car accident, the screaming contests, the bankruptcy threats, there sits an inconsolably pulsing heart that the movie resolves to show us exactly twice.

We were at my grandparents' for Christmas and as we drove through the town my father looked out of the car's window and saw an obituary with his last name on it. I didn't quite catch who exactly it was and how they were related to us - and rest assured they most likely were, it's an Abruzzo thing. As most of my family's deaths, as discussed on my Godflesh post, were on my mother's side, to see my father's last name on a mortuary announcement was a bit of a surprise, in that as you probably can imagine it's also my last name. It's a new experience which, in total frankness, I don't exactly hope to replicate soon.

Topically enough, right on Christmas morning my precious and beloved friends J. and A. gifted me a digital copy of Metroid Dread, a game I had basically lost any hope of ever playing. The Metroid series has always fascinated me in that, for a franchise as old and weathered and revered as Mario and Zelda, there's relatively few people - at least when I was a kid with no readily available internet access - who kept a memory of it. I first met Metroid as a middle schooler, via the Prime Trilogy collection a friend of mine had saved on his jailbroken Wii; never finished it but it stayed within me like a particularly revealing nightmare did. When I played Super Metroid at age eighteen that intro sequence burned itself on my prefrontal cortex and changed everything. It's a masterpiece that drives its main strength from the freedom to explore and delve deeper and deeper into it - and quite revolutionarily, the possibility of not doing so. To realize when enough is enough takes a special ability and knowledge of the self. To accept less than what would be enough takes either idiocy or excellently precise calculations and execution.

While preparing for this post, I annotated on my phone's notes app that "Michael Mann would make a fantastic Metroid movie that everybody would hate". I know this because something similar already happened with Miami Vice: he systematically removed almost all signifiers of the original TV series to reprocess the core concept of it into a lean, aesthetically experimental, profoundly emotional film about means of communication reshaping the way crime and crime-fighters relate to each other, and the way the individual relates to sovereign organizations. It certainly helped that Michael Mann himself, as screenwriter-turned-director-turned-producer, was the man who defined the original Miami Vice's aesthetic, and therefore was in all likelihood the most qualified to strip it down to absolutely nothing, remake it from scratch to fit a new, apocalyptic vision of a post-9/11 society of control based on telecommunication.

In discussing Ferrari with @power-chords, she immediately pointed my attention onto just how critical the figures of mass communication turn to be throughout the movie. Journalists, priests, even the movie stars the pilots are dating. Michael Mann is moving into a territory of movies not about movies, but movies about media in general, sitting at the edge of communication breakthroughs, studying the intersection between an "old world" and a modern, contemporary, fucked up world. Unsurprisingly, Metroid Fusion (and to a lesser extent Metroid Dread itself) delve into omission, falsification, breaking down of information: there's fertile grounds for Mann to work with, I think.

Most importantly, however, Metroid Dread is peak-form Metroid, combining the strength of the more exploration-based titles in the series with the thrilling combat-oriented difficulty spikes of Fusion. The new thing compared to, for instance, Samus Returns is how the game does not trivialize the enemy encounters in regular gameplay up until the very end, which by the way is nowhere close to a careless power trip. And even if it were, it'd still be more than warranted: the final boss is granted to give you unrequested cosmetic surgery to make you look like a dumbass. All the while Samus has never felt any better, movement is slick and deliberate, the 360-degree aiming is incredibly precise even taking the Joycon drift into account: and this precision eliminates almost all instances of rage-game bullshit when it comes to the EMMIs, the fighting, the jumping, the exploration, without by default trivializing any of the elements. It is, simply, a game feel miracle.

It feels about as glorious as it looks.

The deep knowledge of the gameplay mechanics of a great Metroid game is key to Mercury Steam's success with the central executives at Nintendo of Japan. Samus Returns didn't sell too bad, like most Metroid games (at least when you don't compare them to Pokémon, Mario or Zelda), but this here is just a quantum leap. All elements of the game, including the mechanical frameworks established in the 3DS game, are honed to a lethal degree: every enemy encounter, every instrument at the player's disposal turn out to be multifaceted, limited only by the player's own creativity and abilities. But the game knows how to help you, the player, hone those abilities too - it wants to be discovered. It entices you in further and further.

The game is majestic, in short. It knows itself, its players, its predecessors, even its stakeholders spectacularly well. And it is so thanks to employees who were forced to borderline inhumane working conditions, under threat to get their name scrubbed off the end credits if they didn't physically show up for work in the middle of a global pandemic.

"MercurySteam employees talk about the working conditions in the studio" - Spanish article from AnaitGames

During one of the earliest scenes in Ferrari, Enzo (Adam Driver) goes to Mass in the factory's own chapel, and together with all the racing department's higher-ups he proceeds to not give a damn about the function, keeping his eye on a stopwatch instead, monitoring the times Maserati's drivers are doing on the Modena racetrack. As the execs do this, the priest starts waxing poetic: "If Jesus was born today he would not be a carpenter. He would be a mechanic, like you are," says the uncaring bastard in a long dress to alienated, broken working men, facing - unbeknownst to them - the serious threat of bankruptcy, immediate liquidation, job loss. It took this movie about thirty years to get made, being passed from one producer to the next one, from one director to the next one, with this script that sort of tries to be a biopic with all of its strengths but is fundamentally tethered to a protagonist who's, ostensibly, Just Some Guy who happened to own half of one of the most famous car manufacturing companies on Earth. But the reason he was able to do that is, like one of my teachers points out in his Letterboxd review of the movie, his entirely-too-natural knack for timing. The precision Enzo Ferrari requires of his drivers, that quite literally lethal element of exertion, precision and composure, is what is required of him too, but this doesn't make him any better than anyone else: he's not the one dying, he's not the one crashing cars. Some of his friends did. He just got extremely lucky.

Informing the very concept of the labor of love is the idea, almost the aesthetic even, of the love of labor. Gaming culture is profoundly imbued with this. Crunch, stricter and stricter timelines: these are no news to anyone who's into gaming in an even remotely active manner, and are the byproduct of a culture based around hype - a profound affection that degenerates into pretense. Enzo Ferrari fashions himself a dictator, taking charge of the communication around his brand and purposely, painstakingly reshaping flows of information to operate according to a logistical nightmare of an inner timetable. Adalgisa Bisbini (Daniela Piperno) plainly states, with the brutal honesty that can only come with old age and immeasurable pain, that "the wrong child died", right behind her son's wife's back as they're visiting the family grave. Two graves marked Alfredo Dino Ferrari sit mirroring each other in an imposing structure in the San Cataldo cemetery, in Modena. Enzo Ferrari mourns them both, unknowingly echoing his mother's feelings. It is a circle of mutually inflicted pain where everyone already feels what they're being told, and yet it never stops: labor must ensue, so that the vestiges of love can ensue. No wonder Enzo and Laura Ferrari (Penélope Cruz) can only ever fuck on top of spreadsheets.

The importance of an ashtray cannot be overstated.

[fuchsea]

now that the post concert depression is setting, i'm just gonna put a recap of both coventry nights here

- i saw him for the first time ever one year ago and i fully was not prepared for just how amazing it would be. i'm still surprised how we showed up five minutes before wet leg went on and still got so close to the stage. i love front pit at small cap venues so much

- wet leg were SUCH a good opening act and the lead singer's vocal range is frankly insane. there's a long haired man who plays the guitar/bass and i am obsessed with him and his energy

- harry's set intro and the quote about how there's a personal who's the most sensational to the point where they could be a hallucination and then opening with daydreaming? insane. so many thoughts

- he is so good with his stage presence and how he engages with literally every single part of the venue. there's honestly no bad seats (there's some seats on the side where you literally see him only through the screen or when he's walking onto the b stage but during some songs he walks all the towards those seats and interacts with people)

- his voice is honestly incredible and it just keeps improving. my experience of listening to some songs last year vs this year is drastically different

- he is extremely charming and i truly love how you put him in the uk for two days and you can hear his northern accent bleeding out so quickly. when he's mocking fans he fully sounds like a grandma, love that for him

- he is soooo self aware and smug and cocky and that's on him being an aquarius. you can just see how much he loves performing and how easy and naturally it comes to him

- i think i've noticed a pattern and it's that since he's mostly performing two nights at every venue, one night he'll wear the bodysuit shirt + leather pants combo and the next night he'll show up in satin sequin pants and open jacket combo. and that on at least one of those nights he's gonna perform medicine

- i was looking back at my videos and i'm pretty sure he smiled at my sign and i'll forever hold onto that 🥹

- i was obsessed with the way he kept saying "coventry, coventry, coventry" this man went into the middle of nowhere and made it feel like home

- i'm so sorry to inform but no one is actually prepared for the combination that is fine line and sign of the times back to back. it will ruin you permanently and alter your brain chemistry. i thought that i'd be at least fine on the second night and i managed to not cry up until the point he hit us with that beautiful note change in the final "we'll be alright" and because he's chaotic, he sang sott and followed it with medicine and now i'm simply wrecked forever

- most important of all : he is a baby girl and so so squishable i just wanted to kiss his tummy and blow raspberries on it 🥹

- also important is that he is a whore and a proud one and the way he moves around with the knowledge and whorish tendancies is truly insane and he fully gets off on knowing that he's causing distress

done with 2/6 shows and i'm so, so excited for the wembley shows because i know they'll be magical and ethereal and i have a feeling he's gonna bring the fireworks back, but this time for fine line as well

[johaerys-writes]

I ADORE your writing! Do you have any book recs? 💗

THANK YOU!!! I do have some book recs, and I'm going to separate them in two categories: a) all time faves (aka books that rewired my brain), and b) my fave books I read this year.

All Time Faves

The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller: if you follow me for my patrochilles writing, then you already know I love this book 😅 It literally altered my brain chemistry when I read it and I have never been the same.

RotE: short for The Realm of the Elderlings series by Robin Hobb, it's like 16 books long and I recommend each one. Fitz is my pathetic little meow meow and the Fool is one of my favourite characters of all time. Read at your own peril LOL

Earthsea and Lavinia by Ursula K Le Guin: I'm on a quest to read everything Le Guin has written because her writing is just *chef's kiss*. I adore her prose and the way climaxes and conflict are handled, and I love the worldbuilding. Her Earthsea stories are just so wonderful and poignant, I particularly love the Tombs of Atuan and Tehanu. The latter is permanently on my reread roster, I read it once a year towards the end of the year when I start feeling blue because it's just so comforting. And I have to include my favourite quote:

"You are beautiful," Tenar said in a different tone. "Listen to me, Therru. Come here. You have scars, ugly scars, because an ugly, evil thing was done to you. People see the scars. But they see you, too, and you aren't the scars. You aren't ugly. You aren't evil. You are Therru, and beautiful. You are Therru who can work, and walk, and run, and dance, beautifully, in a red dress."

Please read it you won't regret it 😭🙏🙏

Wuthering Heights by Emily Bronte: another long time favourite and one I reread at least once a year. It’s just one of the best books ever written (sorry I don't make the rules). I'm not sure if that is where my love of childhood friends to toxic, copedepent lovers and of unhinged, violent men in fiction came from but it sure contributed to it LMAO. I don’t consider it a romance book but I do adore the way it handles love and romance, among other things. It's just so bleak and cynical but also highly comedic in places and I could talk about it forever. TL;DR please read it haha.

On Earth We're Briefly Gorgeous by Ocean Vuong: I didn’t like this book very much when I first started it but it had become a favourite by the time I finished it. I've reread it several times (I think just this year I've read it twice), it's just so heartbreaking and beautiful.

Fave books I read this year:

Captive Prince by C.S. Pacat: technically I finished the trilogy end of last year but I still think about it a lot. It's very well written and imo the perfect balance of angst, plot, intrigue and horniness.

Spinning Silver by Naomi Novik: I read it earlier this year and I literally can't stop thinking about it lol. It’s SO well written and very immersive and even though the plot itself isn't like... comforting, it felt like a great comfort to read it. Ever since I finished it, every time I start a new book I'm like "gah I wish I could read it for the first time again" haha. I'm going to be rereading it for Christmas I think!

The Murderbot Diaries by Martha Wells: another series I enjoyed a lot this year! I listened to the audiobooks and the VA is just so good, he's Murderbot in my mind lol. I should probably reread the last few books because my attention span was awful while I was listening to them, but overall they're very entertaining but also touch upon important issues in a really interesting way.

She Who Became The Sun by Shelly Parker-Chan: I really enjoyed this book, the plot, characters and worldbuilding was very interesting and I absolutely love the way that gender queerness and "otherness" was explored. I am eagerly awaiting the next book 👀

Villains series by V.E. Schwab: a highly entertaining read, I was pleasantly surpised by how much I enjoyed this. I love me a close friends to sworn enemies story, especially when they are obsessed with each other in as homosexual a way as these two LMAO. The supporting characters were also very well written which isn't easy to find in stories with such a busy cast. Once again, eagerly awaiting the next book!