#or toxicity's ongoing plots as well

[beastenraged]

Seraphim (that six winged thing)

(@hallowed-nebulae, first bit of the chapter I'm working on!!!)

I flex my hands. My bones, my knuckles, feel ready to pop out of place.

Weird, because what I did in that fight against the other 'me' earlier wasn't anything too energy intensive. Physically or magically.

Maybe it's just a response to this...place. This Mirage Arena that somehow feels different from the one I fought in before. It's as crazy and as full as that one, but different.

Someone else rules here. I don't know how I know that, only that I do. That something rumbles in my chest in response to that knowing.

"What'd you think?" I whisper to Xehanort.

He blinks slowly, like a cat. He is so much like a cat, it's never not funny.

"You fought well."

Okay, not what I meant. But I'll take it. I wave Xion over, and try for Kairi too.

"Hey, wanna come over?"

The two shake their heads. "After we're done talking," Xion clarifies.

Oh, they're talking? I wonder about what.

But more importantly, Ven is throwing himself at a tall man with long silver hair. A man that I remember as cameoing in so many games past his original source. Like Smash. So much Smash.

(I liked playing Cloud more. In Smash.)

Sephiroth.

It's...interesting. That Ven knows a Sephiroth. I don't know know personally, but I...

I watch him, carefully. Seeing those green eyes that have wild animal slits. I know all too well what he very often represents. It's not really about the world-destroying stuff, here.

Because if this Sephiroth was a Jenova-crazy, he wouldn't be here. Interacting peacefully with Ven, treating them like a child of his. Being kind to this world's Xehanort in turn as well.

No, but he's like me, isn't he? Made to be a soldier.

(Made to kill.)

But unlike me, he's a lot better at it. He has to be, to be full-grown here, looking like he does, having that super human strength to carry two very different individuals.

I lick at my back of my teeth. They're buzzing. Everything about me is buzzing.

I don't...like him. Hm. I don't like him, I decide. There's something off about him, alongside the really good at murdering bit.

(Maybe it's because you can't eat him?)

(Look at him! That green he carries is poison to you!)

Shut up, weird thoughts. Shut up, shut up, shut up.

"-is going on?"

Oh. My hands are over my ears.

"Just...noisy. Here." I explain. Gesture to the area.

Xehanort nods. He gets it.

Why is it that my enemy seems to understand me better than everyone else?

(I miss Namine.)

[demonking-propaganda]

13 spoiler-free reasons why you should read Mairimashita! Iruma-kun

...if you haven't done so already 👀 (With "spoiler-free" I mean I'm not describing plot points or characters, but under the cut I'll discuss the overarching themes, so be warned if that's too much for you. The first 7 reasons may be enough lol)

It's both funny AND wholesome. I literally can't read it without laughing out loud, and there are a bunch of chapters that make me cry every time I read them.

It's clever! The Japanese version contains several puns based on the kanji "魔" (read "ma", = devil, demon), starting from the title, but it's a recurring pun. The English translation adapts them pretty well. Plus, there are some of the best plot twists in recorded history (IMO). And the names and characteristics of most characters are based on real-life demonology.

It's queer AF. Like, really gay. There are explicitly homoromantic relationships and several nonbinary and gender non-conforming characters. One of these is the best unashamedly nonbinary character ever written. Plus, the manga premise can be seen as an allegory of hiding in the closet. The only thing that made me uncomfortable because of cisnormativity (boys in drag as a joke) is completely fixed in later chapters, and very well so.

It's feminist, without being preachy or paternalistic. Simply put, the women/girls are three-dimensional, complex characters, as the norm should be. And there are lots of them, without it being a harem (...the harem trope is actually used as a joke).

It's spooky and adorable, imagine Halloween vibes all year round. Both main and background characters are super diverse, and if you like monsters there is stuff for you.

Most characters are neurodivergent-coded. It's basically the autistic/ADHD manga.

The art is phenomenal. It's especially good to see the improvement of the art style over the years (the first chapter was published in 2017 and the manga is ongoing). Some panels are really breathtaking.

8. The story is about personal growth - like most shounen manga, fair enough. But the protagonist, Iruma, is so far from toxic masculinity I dare say he's the antidote to it.

9. It's also about found family, the discovery of unconditional love, and trust, and healing from familial trauma.

10. It's about finding a group of friends you belong to, and transforming your weirdness into a strength, identifying and cultivating what you're good at instead of fitting into a mold.

11. It's about the beauty of learning in your own way, and the importance of education and the shaping of future generations.

12. And the reason why I opened this blog: it's about fascism and fighting against it. I mean real fascism, as in "a powerful individual/group wants society to be hierarchical and oppress certain minorities, elevating a specific subset of the population based on intrinsic characteristics which are being misleadingly treated as merits". Ethno-nationalistic stuff. More specifically, it's about being a somewhat politically illiterate person, who learns about systems of oppression beyond personal injustices. It's about questioning what is the best way to arrange society.

13. Most importantly, this manga gives you hope about the future, something I find harder and harder to have. Hopelessness is dangerous - as people without hope stop fighting. This manga makes me actively feel better. Since it's ongoing I can't ensure it will always remain that way, but I've come to trust the author enough that I expect it to.

[thydungeongal]

Reading your recent posts about "DMS make it work" and like, I'm a pretty new GM, I have a home-brewed campaign I want to run for my players and attempted twice so far, this second time is working a bit better, but lately I've been noticing that genuinely, the reason why this isn't working out well is because noone wants to engage with my goddamn world, my players make up characters and I have to tell them how to fit them into my world or make up while new tribes etc to make them fit.

And when I try to U know, actually have them follow the path I've set I get really worried about "railroading" when I'm still far more open than a actual adventure module. Every time I think about like adding in some cool epic moments I would also enjoy I remember posts about "DMS who want players to play prebuilt stories should just write a book" but like ... Modules are prebuilt too?

Yeah, there's definitely a balance to be struck between, you know, players actually being willing to engage with the GM's prep and the GM prepping their games in such a way that there are meaningful ways for the players to actually interface with the game.

Like okay, a lot of the objection to GMs plotting out a story ahead of the time also applies to a lot of modern adventure modules: a lot of modern adventure modules are basically presented as a linear succession of events that need to happen for the story to progress, which just completely turns player narrative agency into an illusion. This is why whenever I talk about GM prep I stress the fact that the GM shouldn't just prep a linear succession of encounters but more like a situation or a location and then let the story be whatever happens when the players engage with that situation or location. On the player side, conversely, as part of the give and take it is important that players be willing to engage with the GM's prep without needing to be led by the nose and being proactive, engaged players.

And since you mentioned modules, I think it's important to mention that older (I'm talking late 70s and early 80s) adventure modules for RPGs rarely presented any kind of linear narrative that required a succession of events to be completed, but they were more like. A place or a situation for the characters to get stuck in. And that sort of adventure design still has value imo!

So yeah, there is a lot of nuance to this discussion, but I do need to make a point here: these past few posts have been very much about players rejecting the premise of the game itself. Part of being a good player (including GM!) is respecting the effort the other players put into the game. There can always be an ongoing discussion about what players want out of the game and how the game should progress. But outright refusing to engage with what the player actually bringing the game to the table has actively set up for you is downright hostile and an expression of a toxic player culture that treats the GM as a special type of guy who must serve the other players.

[s-aint-elmo]

*twirling my hair* do you have some good yuri manga recs?

(lying on my stomach and kicking my feet) i'm SO glad you asked!

to preface this i'll be excluding better-known yuri or yuri that's recently gotten its flowers (whether thru virality or adaptations) (e.g. in love with the villainess, love bullet, bloom into you, etc. etc.) and will instead be recc'ing works i don't often encounter in the wild. some will be more well-known than others, but all of these i've enjoyed and would encourage others to check out! under the cut because. this got. so long. i heart yuri <3

multi-chapter

the princess of sylph (ongoing; self-publishing): plot-heavy fantasy yuri between a bereaved princess with the aura of a thousand sad hamsters and a persistent nun whose silliness conceals a deep well of trauma. gushed about it plenty here. i recommend starting with the serialized version, the proceeding to the twitter version + extras. cw: blood, violence, dismemberment (nothing too graphic, more standard monster-fighting fare).

i love amy (completed): school loner strikes an unlikely friendship with the girl known (and feared) for her violent tendencies and single-minded obsession with the school prince. cute but striking and skilled art with a surprisingly nuanced handling of trauma and neurodivergence. cw: attempted child murder, animal death (non-graphic). there are also depictions of standard yandere fare (kidnapping, torture basements) but they're always presented comedically.

i see you, aizawa-san! (ongoing): girl who steadfastly pretends not to see ghosts meets one she just can't seem to ignore: a deceased classmate and former j-pop idol, who has taken to haunting their classroom. ft. art that harkens back to classic shoujo and a supernatural mystery centred on the relationship between the two leads--that one of them can't seem to remember. cw: blood, body horror.

school zone girls (on hiatus): slice of life yuri comedy ft. a massive interconnected web of girls spanning at least three schools. it juggles gut-busting comedy with genuine heartfelt moments of character growth and connection and expresses it all through a solid, dynamic art style. the sprawling cast also makes for incredible outsider pov moments that lets us really appreciate how far some characters have gotten. this genuinely motivated me to revamp how i approached ensemble casts for my ocs.

brides of iberis (completed): wedding planner unenthusiastic about her engagement falls in love with a bride she's taken as a client. bittersweet but deeply loving; and so compassionate to each and every character, even the men the female leads have relationships with. cw: infidelity.

destroy it all and love me in hell! (ongoing): model student finds her miserable, tightly controlled life unraveling after being blackmailed by the class truant into indulging her ugliest impulses. toxic yuri extravaganza eleganza between two girls desperate for escape and the catharsis of fucking! shit! up!!! also hits that sweet sweet "love triangle as a conflict of ideals" beat. cw: blackmail, coercion, bullying, violence, emotional abuse, physical abuse, verbal abuse, adult/minor relationship.

yuri is forbidden for the yuri otaku (completed): passionate himejoshi enrolls in an all-girls private school to observe class s yuri in action, but never to engage in it herself--at least, until a misunderstanding wins her the resident gyaru's heart. a surprisingly poignant exploration of being queer in a repressive society and experiencing your queerness through the safety of unobtainable fantasy.

the superstar idol crushes on me today too (ongoing): failed idol-slash-middling radio personality finds an unwanted superfan in the country's biggest superstar. explores the merit of pursuing your artistic passions in the face of repeated failure, and what makes an emotional anchor in the fraught seas of showbiz. they are also just so so funny. what if i emphatically declare you my rival in show business but you've been in love with me since you saw me in a cooking show as a child actor and you take any excuse to spend time with me and have my attention with blinding enthusiasm

normality and monsters (ongoing): outcast weirdo witnesses the class idol devour their homeroom teacher in one bite and begs to be trained in the art of appearing normal. the art is snappy and charismatic, the monster design is properly grotesque, and the friendship of convenience between the two leads teeters between overcoming the monster's nature and just being a prelude to the monster acquiring a new meatsuit. cw: blood, gore, death, body horror.

a monster wants to eat me (ongoing): suicidal girl meets carnivore mermaid who promises to eat her if she develops a desire to live. it's been a while since i read this one, but the monster designs are once again sick as fuck and the drama of being cared for by a creature that finds you tantalizing is sooo juicy. cw: suicidal ideation, blood, gore, violence, body horror.

liar satsuki can see death (completed): high schooler who can see corpses before the death occurs strives to save as many lives as possible despite being branded a liar by the entire student body. this and ryouko's other manga, a walk to death, are pretty banging declarations on the value of living ironically (or maybe aptly) wrapped in so much death. blanket cw for blood, gore and death bc i tell you every mini-arc somebody dies in a fun new way and we'd be here all day if we listed them out.

anthology:

i'm the villainess but i'm being captured by the heroine?!: an anthology featuring heroines of otome games swerving hard and sweeping the villainess off her feet. i am such a sucker for villainess yuri. mean women forever. my favourite chapters are vol. 1 ch.1 and vol. 2 chs. 1 and 4.

honourable mentions:

my idol sits the next desk over! (completed): loner idol otaku ends up deskmates with her oshi and between jealous sabotage from a rival stan and the herculean task of acting normal around your fave, lands herself in the first and closest friend group of her life. one girl does explicitly have romantic feelings for another girl, but i bumped it down here because it isn't explored to the extent it could have been. it felt like it was setting up a slow burn only to end abruptly. do not recommend if you want a love story, do recommend if you want lonely people forging deep and enduring bonds of friendship.

the one within the villainess (ongoing): the villainess of an otome game reawakens for her condemnation and sets off on a path of vengeance for the sake of the beloved transmigrator who's occupied her body for years. it's ostensibly het, but to hear the way that the villainess speaks of her transmigrator, the first person to love her wholeheartedly and wish for her happiness and so inadvertently prevent her from becoming the hollow bitter woman she originally grew into...... like. that is yuri. like what if i knew your life in its entirety and loved you for it and i found myself in the position to give you the happiness i always wished for you to have. what if we wrote fix-it fic for each other on the fabric of the universe. what if we never even had a conversation but we knew each other the best and loved each other most. and we were both girls. do you understand why i'm insane about them. cw: blood, gore, violence.

[sweetinsaniiity]

ateez as !mafia members

pairing: y/n x ot8 members (bullet format headcanon) genre/au: mafia!au, no smut, but still MDNI since there are depictions of violence (fitting for mafia members), though they are not explicitly described (warnings below), toxicity in relationships, falling in love, red flags, marriage, engagement, pregnancy, betrayal, deception, bank heist rating/warning: PG-18+ so MDNI!!! no smut (though there are hints of it), however the genre itself has mature settings, gun use, !daddy dom Hongjoong, mentions of sadism! Seonghwa, two-faced! Yunho, sociopath! Yeosang, Stockholm Syndrome! San, manipulative! Mingi, lunatic! Wooyoung, brutal! Jongho word count: 6K words (approximately 750 words per member) synopsis: Just Ateez in the mafia with their personalities and how they found love in the most unconventional manner. notes: I've been getting a lot of requests for mafia! Ateez and tbh, I've been itching to write something like this anyway while, spoiler alert, the second part of Sick, Little Games is ongoing. This was a plot for something else, but oh well. Enjoy! Warnings at the end. taglist: @ginger-mingi @0rangemilk @ruubyrubes @oddracha @jaytheatiny @roxannecos

networks: @cultofdionysusnet @wonderlandnet @othersideoutlawsnetwork @illusionnet @pirateeznet

HONGJOONG

The Sovereign; the head, the brains

pure evil because why the hell not?

honestly lacks empathy, he will get what he wants, come hell or high water

no nonsense bullshit leader, he is an extremely calculating, conniving and diabolical mastermind

he walks the talk and immediately takes action after making a bold decision without a second thought

always gets make fun of because of his height, but it's okay, they'd be dead by daylight

when getting information, he doesn't get involved. why?

because he's the one who taught everyone they needed to know, every bloody, gruesome detail

brilliant strategist and an absolute criminal genius, nothing gets past him

could off anyone or anything without any expression or remorse, whether they're innocent or not

there are rumours that Hongjoong had tied a cinder block on someone's foot and the tossed them in the ocean for information

or that perhaps he broke into prison alone to save Seonghwa and then broke back out without getting caught

we will never really know, but if it makes your skin crawl, then it's probably true

and speaking of Seonghwa, the other half of Matz, they built the mafia from scratch

feared by many but will burn the world to make his members happy

will sacrifice the world if it means being with them

or sacrifice Wooyoung if he gets pissed enough

but with how Wooyoung is, he'll end up sacrificing himself, instead

he will never, ever admit that he has a soft spot for the man, though

the others aren't any better either

but he'd tell himself, as long as he'd think of them as five year olds to begin with, being a leader becomes a bit easier

he meets you when he was in the pub one night and he saw you go in the bathroom

he was stunned and was immediately smitten

without thinking, he got up from his seat, went into the bathroom, locked the door, and waited for you

you were surprised and scared, obviously, but blushed when you realized that this was the guy that you've been eyeing all night

but you were too drunk to flirt back, so you ended up puking on his shirt

Hongjoong saw red, and in a fit of rage and lust, he demanded that you come home with him to make up for it

it was so embarrassing and the next year, you automatically remembered it when you woke up

you also woke up to a naked man who slept peacefully beside you and you were mortified, and you knew that this man was no normal man, so you couldn't make a move to leave

but it was okay, his demand to take you home turned into marriage after two years

!daddy dom

very demanding both in his profession and in bed

although you didn't agree on everything he did, you had no right to stop it, and if anything, you admired how he ran his empire

there has never been a time where left you unsatisfied not only in that area, but also in general when he has to get busy

not big on affection but loves holding hands, though he will never admit it

would get on his knees if you asked him to

8/10, approach him with caution

SEONGHWA

The Sadist; devil incarnate in looks and in action

causes as much pain as possible for his own benefit

not necessarily a schadenfreude, just extremely bitter and very goal-oriented

he doesn't hide the fact that he's a sadist, but he doesn't go around bragging about it

he just doesn't give a shit, he didn't invent the moniker

but Seonghwa never k*lls, ever

which makes things worse because he's a very patient man, he will get the information he needs even if it took him days or weeks

it prolongs his enemy's agony, in his mind, they'll eventually give in, and he's usually right

the other half of Matz

went to prison for Hongjoong because he wanted him to start Ateez immediately

he didn't mind prison, it was rather peaceful for him

if anything, it served as a turning point for his criminal life, he had made tons of connections, both by force and from his charm, and Hongjoong was less than surprised

if anyone was to grow their network, it was him because when God made Hongjoong, 95% was for his insane leadership and criminal mind, the rest was unknown

as a person, Seonghwa is cold and expressionless. the only time he shows emotions is when he's in an "operation"

he always gets his hands dirty, he would disable his enemies, but he would never end them

the fear of d*ath and the unknown is delicious, he said

it made him feel alive, or feel in general

he may not be the leader, but his members have a certain respect for him

except for Mingi. he does care for the taller member a lot, but Mingi made it his life's mission to annoy him as much as possible

and unfortunately for Mingi, his manipulation tactics don't work on him

"You think I'm an idiot?" Mingi would tease.

"Hardly. I think you posses above average intelligence," he would deadpan

you meet him when you tried to join the mafia

Seonghwa isn't a saint, but you're no angel either. you eliminated everyone trying out just so you could be on top

you didn't care if you cheated or crossed anyone, you had to be on top even if it killed you

and unknowingly, you had sparred with Seonghwa, and he lost

when you found out he was the Park Seonghwa, you were embarrassed because he had let you win on purpose

it hurt your ego, you had never lost before to anyone, and Seonghwa's smirk told you that he knew this

you trained under his wing, and slowly, you began to fall for him

he looks like he has never moved for anyone, like a panther, his moves are elegant, mysterious, and sleek

and you're the only he cares enough to hurt about, you were what truly made him feel alive rather than the blood that totaled his hands

at first, he rejected you, he didn't want romance to hinder him from his job and all of what came with it

you were heartbroken, but you accepted it, it made sense, falling in love wasn't in your cards, but you fell anyway

Seonghwa couldn't stay away from you, however, whenever he saw that you were making steps to move on, his heart would bleed

in the end, you won, because he did fall for you, he fell much, much harder

in fact, he had fallen for you way before you did, he just didn't want it fester in case it stopped him from being the ruthless Ateez leader

!possessive boi

so much so that he pretty much coerced you into a relationship, not that you minded, you thought it was hot

if he can't have you, then no one else can, he's going to make sure of it

a walking, talking, oversized red flag, but you're colour blind

the members often teased him for being whipped, he would just glare at everyone until they left

you always melted whenever he would pull you and gently kiss your on the forehead

in public, you'd both be very professional about the work, but when it's just the two of you, God knows how much you both can't keep your hands off of one another

9/10, approach at your own risk

YUNHO

The Serpent; a treacherous snake who will betray you

he's very friendly, like that of a small puppy, and may seem like he's very reserved

but make no mistake, Yunho excels in using psychological t***ure and will go to no end for his goals

behind his smiles is a brutal man who is worse than Seonghwa, for a man who is willing to betray anyone is very ruthless and powerful

when the enemies are getting interrogated, he often makes them believe that they are safe and that he's on their side

he will listen to them, bring them food and comfort items like clean clothes, clean pillows, and the likes, while they are detained

facade drops when he's done getting what he wants and destroys the enemy before they catch on

or when he's in an especially cruel mood, he would sometimes warns his enemies that he'd hurt them

the enemies would then panic while they're imprisoned, but Yunho would never do it. He would do this everyday until the prisoner goes insane waiting

but for the most part, Yunho typically let Hongjoong and Seonghwa handle all the bloody details, he had more penchant with the ones he had the settle some scores with, which was not common

he has a soft spot for Jongho because he's the only one who would shake his head at him when he got too far

Jongho would also be the one who'd tell him to cut his 'playtime' short because in his opinion, it's waste of time

he's so good at his act that the members don't even know his real personality sometimes

but Mingi, the other half of YunGi, does

they've been together all their lives, what's another life of crime? Only Mingi truly understands him

and you did too, you knew Yunho for who he really was and he absolutely loved you for it

Yunho and Mingi were childhood friends who had moved away when you were in middle school

you had the biggest crush on Yunho and you never forgot him even after all those years, and apparently, neither did he

one day when Yunho robbed a bank and held everyone hostage, his breath was caught in his lungs when he saw the fear in your eyes as you held your hands up

at first you weren't sure, but when you took a closer look at the man who had decided to rob the bank you worked at, you couldn't help but grasp

he completely aborted the heist and took you with him instead, much to Mingi's surprise

you didn't want a criminal for a boyfriend, but unfortunately for you, Yunho worked on his facade

he did everything to win you over, be it flowers, clothes, jewelry, etc.

you were going to fall for him all over again if it's the last thing he'll ever do, he had no idea why he was doing it or why it had to be you, but it had to be

you always frowned at him, he can't buy your love, so he changed his tactics, he began to cook, massage your back, rub your feet, and do every acts of service he could think of

and his hugs were always the tightest

Yunho was close, all he had to do was just do whatever it was that made you squirm, and behind all the sociopathy, he was genuinely happy that you were seeing him for who he was

you fell in love with the facade and he dropped it when you did, but it was too late

you knew in your head, that you shouldn't, but you couldn't help it

you didn't mind, he treated you like a princess and he was so sweet, and deep down, you knew Yunho was a good man

but was he?

every time Yunho thought about, he couldn't but smirk as a chuckle bubbled up from his chest

but he did really love you, he's always had, there's no doubt about it, how could he not when you're the most beautiful person he's ever laid his eyes on?

that love is based on his own standards, though, and you shall never find out, he'd rather end you than let you go

9/10, if you value your sanity, keep your distance

YEOSANG

The Resistance; he refuses to do bad by choice

he prefers to stay in the shadows because he doesn't believe that violence is a one and done all deal

he's more of a backup just in case things get messy

one could say that he's a pacifist, a peace monger of some sorts,

a very cunning and calculating person, however, when his patience runs thin or worse, out

has a very deceptive face that he uses to his advantage and he usually looks calm

but he's a true sociopath with no true open compassion with very warped beliefs

equally as psychotic as the others, if not worse

the others are very upfront about their brutality and violence

but Yeosang pretends that he doesn't like violence because of his disconnect with the world

but when he does get violent, the hair on everyone's arms rise

even Hongjoong is sometimes horrified of his actions, believing that he originally had good intentions, but lost them along the way

his pacifism is for the greater good, at least in his mind, but he definitely goes too far with his wickedness and delusions of grandeur

one time, he watched Yeosang interact with their enemies and he became very unsettled

he was just talking to them as if it was just a normal day

until he heard Yeosang say, "This is a brawl. I'll let the last man standing go free."

both of them watched as the enemies started betraying and eliminating each other until the strongest man was left

Hongjoong raised a brow when Yeosang offed the last man and he asked him why

"I don't like people with no honour," Yeosang shrugged. "He has no loyalty to his team."

Jongho, his best friend, wasn't at all surprised at how twisted Yeosang's logic was

they both decided to send him to a mental hospital for the time being to sort himself

that's a lie, the last thing the police would look for to find a criminal was in a mental hospital

and that's where he met you, he couldn't help but wonder why someone as sweet and innocent as you would be doing here

you never did tell him your reason, but he didn't care, he slowly lost his mind when he realized that he liked your company

when you saw him, you thought he was cute, until you found out that he was actually crazy in the head

that didn't stop you from hanging out with him though because you were curious why he was always alone

Yeosang mentioned that he has a violent background and he was pleased when you just shrugged and said that everyone lives differently and some things that are right for others may not be for another

he knew then and there that he had to have you

imagine Hongjoong's surprise when he picked up Yeosang and he threatened him that he'll remove the mental hospital from existence if you didn't come along

and he actually would, all you had to do was say the word

the leader sighed when all you did was smile at him, looks like Yeosang found someone to tether him down

the way Yeosang was looking at you as if you'd tell him to actually to burn the hospital was endearing and so Yeosang coded

8.5/10, just don't get in his way

SAN

The Assassin; the indestructible gladiator

if a job or task seems difficult, consider it done when it comes to San

the perfect machine, he will do everything and anything that is asked of him without questioning whether or not they're moral or ethical

he's very by-the-book and indifferent, his cruelty depends on who's asking and it ranges from tame to absolute destruction

extremely skilled at hiding his atrocities and never leaves behind any evidence

which is why he is Seonghwa's favourite member

because a psychopath following a psychopath always ends well for everybody

despite his rugged appearance, San is very quick-witted and very scheming, especially when he's about to get caught

second to Yeosang in making himself try to look normal in public

the only difference being that he is very hollow and he doesn't have a sense of entitlement in what he does

San is not interested in knowing why his tasks are the way they are nor why he has to do them while Yeosang only does them if he think there's some greater good in them

the sooner he does what is asked of him, the less headache he has

because he's perfectly aware that he's a tool for the mafia to use for their own benefit and he's perfectly fine with that

his platonic soulmate, Wooyoung, is trying to dissuade him from this line of thought, he's deeply saddened that that's how San thinks of himself

the tattoo on his thigh remind him of that everyday

he saw you for the first time when Seonghwa had instructed him to eliminate you because you were at the wrong place at the wrong time

at first it wasn't a problem so he kidnapped you in broad daylight

when San took the mask he had put on your face and took a closer look at you, his biggest problem started then and there

he had never seen someone so small, so pure, and so utterly scared of him

he couldn't do it, he couldn't eliminate you, especially not with his own hands, his heart wasn't letting him move at all

for the first time in his life, he felt the need to disobey

it was love at first sight, so after explaining to you honestly why he had to do it, you halfheartedly went into hiding in his house

he lied to Seonghwa that you were gone, and the older wasn't convinced, but regardless, he let it go for now

it was certainly a new arrangement for both of you, you were angry because you knew he put a hit on you

your greedy brother sold you to the mafia so before you changed your mind, you told San to do whatever he wanted with him

San smirked, for all the people he took orders from, yours was the one who made his heart sing

one day, Seonghwa visited San's house by surprise after a couple of months, he was shocked that you not only were you alive and well, but you were now playing house

so San does the most insane thing he could do, he proposed to you in front of a jaw-slacked Seonghwa

Seonghwa almost had an aneurysm when San came clean, mafia morals states that it's taboo to touch a member's partner

it wasn't difficult for you to say yes, you had come to love San for who he was although it was difficult at first

he was a gentle lover, and you didn't care what he was or what he's done, San's loving and caring personality made up for it

you two would stargaze on his roof as you both held hands, sometimes he would put a rom-com movie to make you happy, or he would plan a picnic just for the two of you

being engaged to San was the best decision of your life

you genuinely love the way he was, killing machine and all, but you couldn't help but fall in love with him more

especially with how attentive he was on your needs, especially adjusting to the mafia life

his kisses were definitely the sweetest

9/10, you'll be safe as long as someone doesn't put a price on your head

MINGI

The Politician; his silver tongue can make pigs fly

he has the ability to gain control in literally any situation because of the power he exudes

very charming and very dangerous because of his impeccable confidence towards himself

as charming as he is, he is mostly mad, intimidating and mad

smooth talker, he can get away with justifying his atrocities

he is a textbook diplomat, he can talk his way to get whatever he wants, whenever he wants, from whoever he wants

him and San made a deadly combination, one did whatever anyone wanted and the other can convince the enemy that being dead was good

Mingi's charisma is something to be trifled with, everybody wishes to shoot him but somehow find themselves compelled to not do so

highly intelligent and loves to manipulate people for fun to make himself appear more trustworthy, much like his childhood best friend, Yunho

in actuality, he is a heartless, psychopathic animal who would do anything to conform his sick-minded personality

when he's irritated, he'd violently force others into unfair deals sometimes for the mafia, sometimes because he's bored

expert extortionist, by the time the enemy realizes that they've been made to say and do whatever Mingi wanted, it's too late

there is no backing out because Mingi has no problem ending people who waste his time

he has no mercy, because unlike the other members, he eliminates swiftly, he doesn't care about playing games

his members, especially Seonghwa, Yunho, and Wooyoung, loved playing with their victims, Mingi did not

he also eliminates for absolutely no reason but for his entertainment and his intimidating aura helps him in this regard

as a person, Mingi is actually rather chill

San said that if he didn't know how deadly Mingi was, he would have killed him a long time ago with hoe annoyingly chill he was

"Look at this schmuck," San would scoff. "Doesn't even look like he can shoot a gun."

"Wanna find out?" Mingi shrugged. "Your muscles ain't shit."

and that's how he won against an angry San, who was blinded by his annoyance, when he smacked the gun out of San's hand

things like these always come easy to him, all he had to do was exploit their weakness and use it against them

and it was how he almost has you in the palm of his hand, all you had to do was surrender to him

he hadn't mean to see you, one day he was out with Yunho for coffee and when they were about to leave, you passed him and your scent was captivating

one thing that made his brows raise was that, yes, his manipulation worked on you, but something didn't sit well with him

you felt like the prettiest girl whenever Mingi would shower you with gifts and loads of attention

he was your type of guy - tall with jaws craved by God, body slim and hips begging to be held - he was a dreamboat in your eyes

sooner or later, what turned out to be curiosity on his end, transformed into an unhealthy obsession

you were his, whether you liked it or not, whether you knew it or not

and so you rejected him when he confessed his want for you, which absolutely shocked him, all you did was smirk, you had him where you wanted him

but it was your turn to be shocked when he smirked, all the obsession he showed, the attitude, the gazes, the confession, he had you where he wanted you

you couldn't help but laugh when you realized at how you manipulated each other, but Mingi was starstruck

you weren't complaining much, he had the most dominating hold on you, and if you escaped from him, you'd pay, because you can always run, but you never hide from him

10/10, do not approach

WOOYOUNG

The Hedonist; disorder and havoc are what makes him fully function

wholeheartedly believes that chaos is the only solution to peace

the most deranged out of everybody, his mania has no limit because unlike the others, his violence brings him pure pleasure

is the most headache-inducing member because of his impulsiveness and inconsistent cruelty, which makes him one of the most frightening members

he can be very cruel, and when he is, his methods are very, very slow and prolongs the agony of his victims until they beg him to just end them

sometimes they're so fast that his enemies don't know what hit them

- the master of prolonging his victims and playing with his food before devouring them

it all depends on his mood, but the point is, his unpredictability is what makes him very dangerous

he is highly capable of hurting everyone without hesitation due to his lack of restraint

however, what sets Wooyoung apart is his high impulse control, this means he can control himself on command

what makes him especially dangerous is that he is completely aware of what he's doing and he knows that consequences of his actions, he just doesn't care

in short, Wooyoung is absolutely crazy and not in his right mind

it was technically his fault why Yeosang was as unstable as he was, but he thought to himself, he was doing his friend a favour

"Have you ever regretted meeting me?" Wooyoung grinned.

"Every single day of my life," Yeosang scoffed.

sulking, he dragged San with him so they could get a tattoo together, later, he offed the tattoo artists for agreeing with him and not bothering to stop his decision

he was surprised that San didn't even protest, but that was his closest friend so he won't argue

when Yeosang was sent for damage control, the man just face palmed himself and left, deciding that he'd rather get punished by his leaders than involve himself in this mess that is Jung Wooyoung

but make no mistake, as demented and highly unstable as he is, he is Hongjoong and Seonghwa's right hand man and the members respect that

though they are close to ousting him and the members are very, very close on making a petition to demote him

brilliant planner, he plans his attacks in advance, as impulsive as he is, he always prefers tactical planning rather than facing his enemies face on

after all, his strategic mind was what led him to plan and steal you from your home

you were the enemies daughter, and Wooyoung's insanity knew no bounds because for all the things he had made plans for, your capture was the one that made his skin tingle and his blood run fast

but you can't change a leopard's spots, despite all his planning, Wooyoung ended up climbing your window at night so he can see you

you were half naked as you prepared for sleep, but you ended up screaming so loud when you saw a shadowy figure climb your roof

he quickly covered your mouth and you both his under the sheets when your father came in the room

you sheepishly told him that you saw a bug fly in from the window and got surprised, in the end, he bought the excuse and left

"Hello, princess," Wooyoung smirked as he traced your skin with his finger

you squirmed, you knew Wooyoung's fascination for you and at first it irked you, but only because both of you were in a Romeo and Juliet situation

you have always been attracted to him, and he knew it, but you couldn't do anything about it

months and months after that, he still kept pursuing you and it got so bad that he would purposefully pick a fight with your father just so he could have an excuse to see you

your father was livid, it wasn't really a secret how much of an absolute lunatic Wooyoung was in the mafia world

however, even he couldn't deny how intelligent Wooyoung was and how his operations were always a guaranteed success with no loose ends

Wooyoung being with you had more pros than cons and at the end of the day, your father was a businessman

when your father had requested a meeting with Ateez and proposed a merge, they had agreed after both sides presented their thoughts

your father hissed at Wooyoung to hold his horses when he tried to grab you

imagine everyone's surprise when Wooyoung said this merge would have happened anyway, because you were already four months pregnant

9.8/10, intelligence and insanity would bring the apocalypse

JONGHO

The Liar; the most complex out of them all

while everyone focuses on being out there in action and extracting what they need to know, Jongho preferred to be in the side lines

not that he didn't know how to be out there, rather, they don't want him in there

Jongho is extremely cruel, and what the other members are good at, he's twice as brutal

he's twice as sadistic as Seonghwa, the only difference is that he doesn't get pleasure in hurting, twice as deceptive as Yunho, though not as arrogant about it, and he's twice as manipulative as Mingi

a lot of their enemies always underestimated Jongho and it only made him smirk

he always looked calm, emotionless, and nonchalant most of the time, it's usually this time where Jongho strikes

an exceptionally clever and absolutely cunning criminal genius and is most similar to Mingi - he doesn't like to play with his victims

his bloodthirst has does not accept limit, it's to the point that fellow member, Yunho, once suggested that the mafia may not even be enough to satisfy his bloodthirsty ravaging

with all of that being said, Yunho had took it upon himself to pull Jongho out of the action

"Goddamn it, Jongho, so much blood," Yunho clicked his tongue in annoyance when he saw that the enemy was long gone. "What did you use?"

when he lifted up a frying pan, Yunho's mouth drops, how much force had it taken for Jongho to produce this much blood with that?!

instead, he became the interrogator, and he is in charge of extracting even the hardest information he can get

which is fine by him, he's sick of being told off by his leaders about his brutality anyway, he owes no one an explanation

Jongho doesn't like to get his hands dirty, most of the time he can manipulate someone or force even an entire group to give him what he wants without lifting a finger

so now, Jongho's content with sticking to the question, the physical and psychological t**t**ing was his members' forte

however, even some of the members fear him, it isn't like Seonghwa where it's fear out of respect

some enemies are hard nuts to crack, and this is when Jongho enters, they call their last resort

easily the most dangerous and spine-chilling member, he doesn't get involved in all the brutality now, but when he does, they're very vile

they're so vile and atrocious that Hongjoong had instructed that only the worst of the worst should be brought to Jongho

his best friend, Yeosang, tried to contest this verdict, but to no avail, even he knew how bad it can get with Jongho

of course, the higher the peak, the harder the fall, and in most cases on his end, it's pure, unadulterated rage

this is Jongho's biggest weakness as it causes him fatal flaws of mistakes that are very much crucial

like that one time you callously kicked him out of the local library

despite his ruthlessness, he actually loved reading and gaining knowledge on the most mundane of things

so when you started your new job there, of course, he took notice of you, how could he not?

you were something worth reading, you were an enigma that tempted him to read further on, but he stopped himself, he wasn't all evil - you were innocent, his life wasn't for you

you looked so sweet, he didn't want to corrupt you, but oh, did he want to so badly

his thoughts were interrupted with a phone call from Yeosang, and the next thing he knew, he was seething in anger outside

in your defense, you didn't mean to, you took notice of him too and you cheeks blushed all the time, you panicked and didn't mean to kick him out

you were going to pay for this, he thought, and so he had this brilliant plan of following you into your apartment

you were about to close the door when his foot stopped it and he squeezed his way in, you didn't even have time to be surprised, he left before he could do anything

"Dude, you're an idiot, that isn't how you pick up girls," Yeosang snickered in delight

"Rich coming from the guy that met his girl in the nut hut," he snapped

in the end, he did man up and apologized to you the next day, and to Jongho's surprise, you invited him to your place for coffee

you confessed that you had a bit of a crush on him, this straightforward attitude made his heart skip and he tried to dissuade the confession

but you surprised him more when you admitted that you knew what he was and what he does,

you were the daughter of a man who owed money to Ateez, and your father did end up paying all of it back, but Mingi wanted him gone anyway

Jongho decided to let him go since he did do his end of the bargain

it was absolutely wrong, you couldn't get him out of your head, and when you were about to forget him, he suddenly showed up at your new job

you eventually found out that his love was the most genuine

he wasn't the biggest fan of physical affection, but he did love showering you with it the best he could

he loved fixing your hair for you when it got windy, he loved patting your head and then leaning in to give you nose boops

the way he listened when you talked without making it about himself, it meant a lot to you

or when he would eat your favourite food with him even though the food you liked wasn't his cup of tea

or perhaps when he automatically removed food from your plate that he knew you hated

your favourite was when he would hold your hand under any table, or any hidden physical contact

10/10, extremely dangerous, do not approach at all costs

𝙵𝚞𝚛𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝙽𝚘𝚝𝚎𝚜 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚆𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: please do not take this seriously. This is not a representation of the Ateez members in real life and this is not a go-signal for anybody to fulfill this type of fantasy. This is figment of this author's wild imagination to share with anyone and it shall stay that way.

𝙳𝚒𝚟𝚒𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚜: @thecutestgrotto

[stellar-constellations]

Star Patient: Chapter 7 (ONGOING SLOW BURN SERIES)

WARNING: This series will include; possible inaccurate medical procedures and medical setting, gore, toxic relationships that should NOT be replicated in real life, murder, yanderes, cursing, suicide mentions, implications of misandry (male misogyny), descriptions of self-harming, accusations of cheating, child death, death of major and minor characters, OC's are used throughout the story for plot and depth, reader is in denial and paranoid, toxic family dynamics, perversive thoughts, reader is bipolar (not saying that in a quirky way, like literally bipolar), religious comparisons, light mention of demons, stalkers, possibly more to add.

Inaccurate canon-timeline and setting (this is before Ashley and Andrew murdered their parents). They also live in America (because I wasn't aware they lived in Europe prior to this series).

Reader has a small fear of adult men/rape and has a history of suicide attempts.

Incest is not Wincest.

Amnesiac! Obsessive! Patient! Andrew Graves x Yandere! Nurse! Reader:

Wordcount: 15,100+ words

Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, current chapter, chapter 8, chapter 9 (in the works)

Want to listen to music while reading? Check out the Star Patient's Official Playlists! Multiple different playlists and genres!

        The sound of holy hymns filled the tall church, the painting of a man looming over (Y/N) as she avoided the male’s eyes. Religious paintings just always looked creepy, their eyes just always followed you. What was even more creepier is making prolonged eye contact with the same boy for two minutes now. 

        Bright brown eyes stared at her own for 120 seconds now, 115 seconds too long for a normal gander to be. Perhaps he was just looking at the people behind her? Or maybe she has something on her face? Dear God, please don’t let it be that he can hear just how awful she sounds when singing. It was like her voice was a sin to this holy choir. 

        (Y/N) finally broke eye contact with the male, deciding to look back at the painting of the sacred male. Even he wasn’t as creepy as that boy’s staring was, whatever his name was. 

        The church reeked of burning incense and an old lady’s strong floral perfume. It almost hurt having her mother and some strange next to her singing—practically screaming—into her ears while she did her best to memorize the lyrics. It was hard to remember what came after “I’ve been set free” when all she could think about was being set free to the food trucks outside calling her name for lunch. 

        Finally, the song ended as she sung the finally sentence.

        “You are forever mine.”

        What a creepy thing to say to anyone, to any god or not.

        (Y/N) stretched her limbs, earning herself a swat to her arm as her mother whispered for her to fix her dress before it rides up on her. She smoothed down her dress skirt, reaching behind and fluffing the white bow sewn to the dark blue dress.

        She was excited to go eat some food, then get out of these damn flats that kept pinching her toes. She watched as people filed out of the church, making her eyes meeting bright brown ones as they stared at her through the crowd.

        Has he even looked away once during this whole session? 

        .

        .

        “Hey, maybe he likes you?” Lola suggested, lounging on the library couch, taking up most of the space as her arm draped over the arm rest, her legs lying on (Y/N)’s thighs.

        “God, I hope not…” (Y/N) groaned, tilting her head back to hit the couch cushion just to be a bit more dramatic. “I don’t even know his name. That’s grounds for instant rejection.”

        “Well, is he cute?” Lola questioned, curious as she watched (Y/N) copy notes from her computer onto her notebook. 

        “I mean… I dunno? I think?” (Y/N) shrugged. “Gosh, Lo. You know I don’t ever notice that. Looks aren’t everything, you know?” 

 ��      “Well, my future husband is definitely gonna have brown hair, brown eyes to match and a dashing, symmetrical face." Lola smirked.

        “Please, you’re asking too much. Your face isn’t even symmetrical.” Annabelle scoffed, sitting on the harsh library carpets. 

        “Shut up! I’m gonna get laser surgery for this mole when I have enough money!” Lola whined, hitting Annabelle upside the head.

        “I meant your nose, dummy!” Annabelle hissed, cradling her head where she’s been hit. "But that too!" 

        “Jerk!” Lola exclaimed, going to hit Annabelle once more, but Annabelle was quick enough to catch her wrist. “Stop touching me, Anna!”

        “Then you stop hitting me!” Annabelle retorted as their hands wrestled with one another.

        “Hey, hey! Stop! You’re messing up my notes!” (Y/N) hissed, hitting her shoulder against Lola’s.

        “Stop, that’s not fair. You’re double-teaming!” Lola whined.

        The school bell rung, prompting the three to halt their fight. (Y/N) packed up her notebook and computer with a sigh.

        “Damn it… I didn’t get to finish my notes.” (Y/N) complained, throwing her backpack strap over her shoulder.

        “I don’t know how you do it, girl. Being a nurse sounds like it’s such a drag, having to kiss up to everyone’s ass.” Lola sighed, looking at her hands to make sure her nail polish didn’t get ruined during their tussle. “Ah, damn it, Annabelle! You chipped my nail!”

        “Which one?” Annabelle questioned, looking over at Lola’s yellow nails. 

        “This one.” Lola smirked, holding up her middle finger.

        “You little—“  

        (Y/N) yelped, her body hitting the wall as her legs gave out from the unexpected force, knocking her to the ground. Two hands grabbed the collar of her blazer, pulling her right back up to her feet as they cornered her against the wall.

        “Was it you?” a male spoke, his fists shaking with anger as his green eyes met (Y/N)’s.

        “Hey! Hands off her, Ben!” Annabelle spat out, her hand touching the male’s shoulder.

        “Bud out, I’m talking with the freak!” Ben hissed, shrugging her hand off his shoulder. “Was it you?” he repeated, his eyes glaring back at (Y/N).

        “I can’t confirm anything if you don’t tell me, moron.” (Y/N) retorted, annoyed as she tried to pry his hands off her. 

        An uncomfortable feeling grew inside her stomach at the close proximity they shared, the tension downright suffocating as she resisted the urge to puke. 

        Dear stomach, don’t let me vomit on him… I’ll never go to school again. (Y/N) prayed to her stomach. 

        “Did you steal my wallet?” he finally spoke. “I had a three hundred dollars in cash and two gift cards, did you steal them?!”

        “Lay off, dude. She was with us this morning!” Lola spoke. 

        “Yeah, I didn’t steal anything.” (Y/N) huffed, finally prying his hands off her blazer’s collar.

        “I swear to God, if it was you I’ll kill you.” Ben spat, his finger jabbing into her sternum. “You’re a freak, just like your father.” He spoke, before storming off down the school hallways.

        “What an asshole.” Lola scoffed. 

        “People like that shouldn’t be let loose into the public.” Annabelle growled, before looking at (Y/N). “You okay?”

        “I’m just fine and dandy. Everything’s intact.” (Y/N) muttered, dusting off her blazer and skirt. “It’s not like he stabbed me or anything, so I’m fine.”

        “Jeez, girl. You really need to be more… phased? Like, get pissed off at him! Punch him! Kick him in the balls!” Lola encouraged.

        “Why would I waste my time on such pointless things…?” (Y/N) sighed, subconsciously picking at her nails. “I mean, Ben’s been doing this crap since middle school.” 

        “He doesn’t have any right to treat you like that!” Annabelle huffed. “If you won’t kick him in the balls, I will.” 

        “Can we not talk about Ben’s balls?” (Y/N) whined, a bit embarrassed at this stupid topic. “Just forget it, guys. I mean, this is senior year. We’re going to be graduating in three months, then I’ll never see him again so the problem will be solved.” 

        “The Almighty Lord blessed you with something I don’t have; patience.” Lola sighed, fanning her face exaggeratedly to show how heated she was about the matter.

        “The offer is still on the table if you want me to—“ 

        “No.” (Y/N) interrupted Annabelle, who just sent a pouting glare her way.

        Annabelle was a short, black haired girl with brown eyes and a serious passion for weightlifting. She even won an award for the best high school female-weightlifter in the state, being able to carry Annabelle was (Y/N)’s best friend since pre-school. They met in the sand box, where a boy stomped out (Y/N)’s sandcastle, so Annabelle dumped sand in his hair. That sand was in his hair for at least a couple days—it looked like lice to where the caregivers had to inspect and comb through everyone’s hair to make sure there wasn’t a lice that would soon infect other kids.

        They met Lola during their first year of middle school. Lola came into the year late as a new girl. She had bleached blonde hair with pink highlights in them (her natural hair color is unknown since she’s been dying it since she was six, not even in her photo gallery does she have a picture of her natural hair). 

        Lola hit it off with Annabelle instantly, the two meeting in after school’s photography club—which is the cover name. In actuality, it’s mostly just a place for friends to hang out after school and lie to their parents about doing important school stuff; however, the club does take pictures of pep assemblies and football games for the yearbook (albeit half of the photos are crappy and extremely unflattering). 

        The two girls are always begging (Y/N) to join the club, (Y/N)’s always rejected because she’s studying for college and to keep her college scholarship for a extremely well-liked nursing academy. After graduating that academy as a nurse, she can continue studying and work up the ranks to become a pediatrician! 

        So she has no time to be fooling off inside a club. She didn’t have that time as she did back in middle school. Well, she was practically a shell of a person.

        (Y/N) got hit with a large wave of depression. She’s not quite sure why it just suddenly came up on her. Maybe it was because of the abuse she suffered as a child, maybe it was because of the bullying she would receive at school because of who her father was, or maybe it was because she didn’t have a good personality or looks. Whatever it was, it weighed her down for months, making it hard to get out of bed, hard to shower, hard to eat, hard to brush her teeth. Everything ached with pain. She didn’t know what hurt more; her brain or her heart?           Annabelle and Lola were there for her though. They would encourage her to eat a little, to step outside for a bit, to shop for new clothes that would make her feel comfortable. Even after multiple suicide attempts, they never blamed her for how she felt, and they never gave up on her. Maybe the only reason she quit dying was because of them.

        “Hey, the bell is gonna ring in a minute.” Lola pointed out, holding her phone as she stared at the time, her 2008’s preppy Hello Kitty aesthetic wallpaper staring at her. 

        “Damn.” Annabelle sighed, disappointed as she rubbed her neck. “Well, see you tomorrow, (Y/N).”

        The two girls still had club after school, so they’ll be seeing each other. After lunch, (Y/N) doesn’t have any classes with them, so lunch is her last chance to see her friends before leaving school. 

        “Stay shining, star girl!” Lola spoke, sending (Y/N) her own starry smile as she referenced (Y/N)'s star hairlip, her lips coated in a light transparency of pink strawberry lipgloss. 

        “I’m gonna hit the bathroom real quick. If I’m late to class or not be damned.” (Y/N) smiled, waving them off as she parted ways with them. 

        (Y/N) glided down the hallway, before reaching the bathroom, pushing open the door and immediately making a dash to the toilet without even bothering to close the stall door. She dropped to her knees, balancing herself by placing her hands on the walls (so she wouldn’t touch the dirty toilet) and puked.

        She had been holding that in ever since Ben slammed her up against that wall and shouted at her. The scene was absolutely terrifying to her, being trapped so close to an aggressive male like that did not feel good in the slightest.  

        How the hell do romance protagonists go through that? (Y/N) questioned herself, before another wave of nausea hit her as she thought about earlier, prompting her to lean over and puke once more. 

        Her father taught her many things in life; to raise a chicken and slaughter a chicken, to ride a horse and clean horseshoes, to tell the difference between ripe and unripe fruits, and to never trust a boy.

        “Boys are disgusting creatures.” He would say.

        “You should never trust a boy.” He would say.

        “Boys only care about their satisfaction and pleasure. Everything about you is irrelevant.” He would say.

        But men and boys are different. What makes a boy a boy is that they’re stupid, immature, and selfish. A man is someone who sacrifices themself for their family, and treats his wife and daughter with respect and kindness.

        How can you tell the difference between a man and a boy if it’s not puberty that separates them? How do you know until before it’s too late? 

        Truth is, her father has always been distrustful of men in general—though he’s never explained why. She has a feeling it’s because of his upbringing. Maybe he grew up in a bad neighborhood, or maybe he had an abusive father; whatever it was, he didn’t want (Y/N) knowing about it.

        But even though he hates boys with a passion that rivals the Greek Goddess of Passion Aphrodite, sometimes he doesn’t always act like a man.

        There’s been moments where he’s screamed, punched holes inside the walls, been gone for nights after a time, on a very rare chance break stuff. Sometimes he remembers the episodes, sometimes he doesn’t. When he does remember them, he cries and apologizes, hugging (Y/N)’s mother Rose and her. He cries about how sorry he was, and how he doesn’t mean to overreact, and how he begs them not to leave because of his problem. 

        Rose will never leave; she likes the familiarity of her home town and the memories of the farm. (Y/N) knows she’ll never leave the farm. 

        The farm is extremely important to the town. It provides lots of the local strawberries for bakeries and jams. It provides the church parties to have their famous loaded mashed potatoes and potato bread. It provides Rose’s pockets with money in cold hard cash. The farm is so damn rich that it even regularly transported goods to three different states nearby. 

        Rose is sitting on a hill of riches supported by her family’s farm of 120 acres all the way on the edge of the small, close-knit town. The farm was passed down in Rose’s family for three generations now. The farm is so important that every inheritor must only have one child, that way the children can’t fight over the farm when the parent dies. 

        (Y/N) is expected to have a single child too, her mother has drilled that into her head enough. Rose always babbles on about how (Y/N) will inherit the farm when she dies. Her daughter must not be a whore and spread her legs for any boy; he must be a farmer, he must be her husband, and they must only have one child. 

        Rose is extremely serious about the farm, despite it being farmhands who tend to the farm. Rose doesn’t help out, she decided to become a nurse for some more money. 

        People think “Oh, Rose is so good, but her husband Frank is just a monster” but in actuality Rose is more of a monster than (Y/N) is.

        (Y/N) spent the early years of her life locked in her damn room because of that witch. (Y/N) was forced to starve for hours to even days at a time while Frank laid unaware of what was going on to his daughter. Frank was consistently discriminated against, and constantly on his feet burning and cutting his fingers off in the auto shop, working grueling hours from open to closed because of mandatory overtime (which was actually just to drive the poor bastard out of down, or at least make him suffer for his condition “the Devil himself” gave him). 

        Frank had no idea the abuse and neglect (Y/N) received. (Y/N) wasn’t even aware it was abuse because she grew up like that ever since she was potty-trained. 

        (Y/N)’s early years revolved around watching TV, sleeping, and crying. Well, at least she had water she would drink out of the bathroom sink. 

        Rose spent the time working while (Y/N) was locked up, but it wasn’t uncommon for her to shove (Y/N) in that dreadful dark room just for  her to neglect her duties as a parent. Anything to get out of cooking, cleaning, or spending bonding time with her daughter. 

        Another wave of nausea hit (Y/N) as she vomited once more. Her throat burned from her stomach acid and stomach enzymes. Her lungs hurt trying to breathe whilst her heart slammed against her rib cage. Her ears were ringing and her eyes had tears in them. 

        A flash and a camera shutter got her attention, causing her to spin her head around to look at the source, only for another shutter to echo in the bathroom walls as she was blinded by a bright light.

        “Looks like the freak is self-purging.” A girl laughed. “This has to at least go viral on some platform. Not that you’re much to look at though.” 

        (Y/N) groaned, her throat aching from the vibration as she closed her eyes, cursing herself for not shutting the stall door. 

        “Y-you got it wrong…” (Y/N) muttered, meeting the girl’s blue eyes. 

        Kate’s had it out for (Y/N) for who knows how long. Kate’s been more of a bully than Ben has, and for longer too. Kate’s dad works with (Y/N)’s father Frank, and they don’t get on good terms (either because of her father’s disorder or because of Frank being given Kate’s dad’s hours for “mandatory overtime” only Frank has to do). Maybe because Kate’s dad hates (Y/N)’s father, Kate hates (Y/N)?

        (Y/N)’s eyes glanced over at the girls who were with Kate. Jen and Shell; though their real names were Jenny and Shelly. They were sisters, but honestly they’re pretty irrelevant in (Y/N)’s eyes. She just couldn’t bother to care enough about them since they didn’t speak much. Their current goal in life is to piggyback off of Kate, but maybe in the future they’ll mature and go their own separate paths—that at least make’s (Y/N) a little happy for change.

        “I wasn’t throwing up food. You took this out of context…” (Y/N) muttered, wiping her mouth with toilet paper.

        “Right… looks like…” Kate took a few steps to the stall, standing behind (Y/N), making uncomfortable shivers crawl up her spine. “Looks like the cafeteria pizza. What? Are you saving it for dinner tonight?” Kate snarked before smiling. "I wouldn't be surprised if you were starving yourself. Everyone knows you tried to kill yourself—I think that's the best idea you've had in your miserable life."

        In a small town like this, gossip gets around quick. One of her doctors or nurses were probably a parent to one of the kids here, so they let something slip. It breaches hospital code in keeping patient's confidential, but in a small town like this, there's not much consequences. 

        A flame of annoyance flickered in (Y/N) eyes, a boiling pit in her stomach. She stood up, dusting the rocks and dirt off her knees. She looked at Kate with distain, her eyes flickering towards Kate’s phone.

        She could throw the stupid plastic flip-phone into the toilet and flush it down, but she decided against it. There were three girls against herself, so the odds of winning a fight are not in her favor at the moment. Besides, (Y/N)'s trapped inside the stall, so her escape options are limited in case she does start a fight. She could bulldoze her way between the three girls, but then again, that's three girls. She can't really crawl under the stall because someone can just grab her leg and pull her right back—so she's at a disadvantage to win a fight. 

        “We’re late for class.” (Y/N) sighed. “I recommend getting to class soon, otherwise Mr. Jones will throw a fit.

        Kate glared at (Y/N) as she walked past them, muttering the smart words of “stupid bitch…”

        (Y/N) made it out of the bathroom safely, and without a fight too.

        Let them post that photo. (Y/N) thought, her footsteps echoing throughout the hallway. It’s not gonna be the end of the world. I’ve had worse.

        I’ve had worse.

        I’ve had worse.

        I’ve had worse.

        That’s always been the same stupid excuse she’s used whenever someone bad happens to her in life. She just can’t accept that she’s allowed to be angry, or sad, or afraid of anything; it’s always “I’ve had worse.” 

        She could fall down a set of stairs and ruin her science project she’s spent a month on, 70 bucks down the drain, but “I’ve had worse. At least I’m not admitted in a hospital room again.” 

        She could break her arm falling off one of her horse’s, but “I’ve had worse, at least I’m not starving.” 

        When will it be worse? What’s gonna top the next thing? 

        Because eventually, there’s gonna be something worse. There’s always something worse for (Y/N).

        A notification pops up on her phone, prompting (Y/N) to check it. 

        “Online transfer: +$300” 

        “What the…?” she muttered, confused.

        A minute later, another notification popped up. 

        “Withdrawal: -$300”

        Ah, it must be one of her parents. Her parents has access to her banking accounts and information, so one of them must’ve accidentally sent money to the wrong account and quickly withdrew the payment.

        She goes back to her classroom, receiving a stink eye from the teacher, Mr. Jones. 

        Mr. Jones also wasn’t a fan of (Y/N), well, more so her father. During the summer enrollment, you got to check out your classes and meet your teachers. Frank was absolutely livid to see a male as (Y/N)’s teacher. He was knocking down chairs and cussing a storm that the principal had to be brought down and threatened to call the cops if Frank didn’t leave. 

        It’s a miracle (Y/N) didn’t get expelled with some shitty excuse or something because of that scandal. Maybe that’s because this high school was the only one in their small town, and (Y/N) was about to graduate soon, so there would’ve been no point in trying to destroy her education when she’s so close to leaving.

        “Well, look who decided to show up.” Mr. Jones spoke, placing his dry eraser marker down, halting the learning of the classroom. “Wanna tell the class what was so important that you just had to skip the first ten minutes of my class?”

        (Y/N) resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She missed the days where elementary teachers would get down on your level and whisper to you so you wouldn’t get embarrassed in front of the class. 

        Or maybe she just wants to be coddled like a child…

        “I’m sorry, sir. I had a period problem.” (Y/N) lied.

        She had no shame or embarrassment, not with lying, and not talking about her body functions either. She was a human with a uterus, so if the teacher had a problem with then, then the school will too (or, at least they should).

        “Oh.” Mr. Jones scoffed, not entirely convinced. “Nice save. But if it happens again next week, I’ll be onto you.” 

        Yeah, he wouldn’t dare go against the teaching board. Even if he did, the student body of females would protest; (Y/N) may not be the most popular, but when it comes to woman functions, girls got each other’s back.

        Or they should.

        “Go take your seat.” Mr. Jokes spoke.

        (Y/N) walked down the row of students, jumping over Ben’s foot as he tried to trip her. She made it to her desk safely in the back of the class.

        Mr. Jones assigned the seats, perhaps he assigned her in the back so he wouldn’t see her father and be reminded of her father. Or maybe he just doesn’t like her in general. 

        (Y/N) sat down in her seat, confused to see someone had taken the desk next to her. That desk was always empty due to how small the student body was. It was a small town after all, so there were always empty seats in classrooms. 

        She recognized those brown eyes—it was the boy from her church. 

        She was surprised. He was never in her class before until now. 

        She decided to look away before he caught her staring, but he was watching her to begin with, ever since she walked into the classroom. 

        “Hey, I’ve seen you around before.” The boy spoke, looking at her. “You’re (Y/N), right?”

        Damn it. She has to talk with a boy? Out of all the other females around? 

        “Um… yeah…” (Y/N) nodded awkwardly. “How do you know my name?”

        “We go to church together.” He smiled. “I’m Ren. Ren Itami.”

        “Japanese?” (Y/N) questioned. 

        “Yeah. My parents moved here from Japan when they had me.” The boy, Ren, nodded.

        “Cool…” (Y/N) muttered, figuring the conversation was done, before Ren spoke again.

        “I just transferred classes today. My other teacher wasn’t good at teaching in a way I could understand, so it was only hindering my education.” Ren explained.

        “I see…” (Y/N) hummed, not too interested in what else he had to say.

        So that’s why he’s in her class now. Still, she doesn’t want to talk with him. Just talking with this guy gives her the chills, but she just can’t understand why. 

        .

        .

        A month or two has passed, (Y/N)’s not too sure how long it’s been actually, days always seem to blend together now. She goes to school, does her chores on the farm, then studies for college. 

        She’s been busting her ass for a nursing school she’s been dreaming to go to; the best news is that in freshmen year, the school reached out to her after she scored top grades in her biology and health classes. They offered her a fully-paid scholarship, including dorm renting and free cafeteria food! 

        With a scholarship like that, you’re damn right she’s studying hard. 

        It was passing period, the hallways bustling with students as people made their way from class to class. Some kids stopped and stared at (Y/N), much to her annoyance.

        Her father had an episode in town again, muttering something about being followed by a man. He filed police reports, but they ignored him per usual as this was a case they’ve reported about before, only to be a waste of time as there’s no evidence to prove it. 

        Frank got angry at his reports being ignored, so he stared yelling inside the police department, which quickly remained in him spending overnight in jail until he’s calmed down and no longer a threat to himself or others. He didn’t get any charges filed against him due to his medical condition, so he got lucky. 

        Of course, if Frank is a nut show, then his daughter must be a nut show too. That’s the logic around this town.

        Well, at least Lola and Annabelle didn’t think like that. They were (Y/N)’s true friends.

        “I swear, nobody can mind their damn business anymore.” Annabelle gruffed, more annoyed about the situation than (Y/N) was.

        “It’s fine, Annabelle. Things just happen.” (Y/N) spoke.

        “Hey, it’s seriously not fine.” Lola scoffed. “You shouldn’t be treated like this. It’s not like you control what your dad does.” 

        “If anyone messes with you, I’ll punch them.” Annabelle smiled.

        “Don’t bother…” (Y/N) hummed. “We have like… one more month until graduation. There’s no point.” 

        But alias, problems always seem to occur for (Y/N). As she walked down the hallway, a shoulder bumped into her roughly, causing her to stagger before turning around.

        “Freak.” Ben sang, smirking as he walked by her. 

        “What’s his problem all the time?” Lola scoffed, glaring at the boy. 

        (Y/N) let out a sigh to calm her nerves, annoyed, before moving past it—but Ben wasn’t just ready to move on.

        “Hey. I’m talking to you, freak.” Ben scoffed, walking back towards her.

        “Leave me alone, asshole.” (Y/N) hissed.

        “Make me.” Ben challenged, pushing her. 

        “Hey, fuck off!” Lola exclaimed, to which Ben ignored her.

        “Stop. It.” (Y/N) spoke through gritted teeth, and for once, pushing him back harder.

        “What the—“ Ben huffed, surprised, before he quickly pushed her with more force.

        “Ben, st—“ Annabelle was cut off, shocked as (Y/N) threw a punch to his face. 

        “Fuck you, Ben!” (Y/N) exclaimed, shoving him away from her by using her shoulder. 

        Her legs shook, adrenaline and fear pumping through her veins, her fists clenching and unclenching as she realized what she just did. She’s done it now. 

        Ben touched the side of his face, shocked as it swelled, before his fist balled up. A crowd formed around them, watching to see what will go down, holding their flip phones in their hands. 

        Before he could land a punch, some stepped out of the crowd and grabbed Ben’s arm, pinning him up against the wall. 

        “You shouldn’t hit a lady.” The third party spoke.

        “Ren?” (Y/N) questioned, surprised. 

        “Get off me!” Ben barked, squirming under Ren’s hold. 

        Ren had appeared so fast, it was like he was here the whole time. 

        “T-thanks.” (Y/N) spoke, taking a few shaky steps backwards, before forcing her away out of the crowd of students, making her way to the nearest trash can and throwing up. 

        “Ugh… damn it…” she muttered, knowing she was done for, for real this time as people recorded her. 

        Yep. Sounds about right for (Y/N), just her luck. 

        She scanned the crowd, unsure exactly what she was looking for. Her eyes met his bright brown ones, before she closed her own.

        I really hate being alive… she thought.

        .

        .         (Y/N) had got called into the principal’s office later that day along with Ben. Some other students were there to recall the events and explain their side of the story, including Ren. 

        It really didn’t matter who was at fault, both of them got suspended under the excuse: “We don’t condone any sort of violence during school premises.” 

        You can just say that you don’t want the backlash from the bully’s parents and their friends. (Y/N) thought to herself, but she kept that thought in the hatch.

        The walk back home hurt. The whole day she had trembling legs and shaky hands, it seemed every hour she was near a trash can throwing up. She was severely dehydrated, light headed, and really just wanted to go home and cry in the shower.

        It was a hot day, making the walk home worse. Because of how big her family’s farm was, she lived on the outskirts of town, making her walk longer. The town didn’t have any public transportation due to how small the town was, the buses would’ve clogged up all the morning rush hour traffic where adults try to get to work on time, so buses weren’t a thing in their town. 

        There was sweat dripping down her forehead, her back uncomfortably wet as her backpack dragged down her posture, and she wanted nothing more but to just give up. Give up walking, give up life—practically the same thing.

        She made it to her house and unlocked the gate, seeing a figure sitting in her family’s rocking chair on the porch. The figure noticed her, before it stood up, running towards her.

        (Y/N) removed her backpack straps and threw it on the ground, before running and meeting the figure, engulfing them in a hug.

        “Papa.” She whimpered, tears welling up in her eyes, the sun burning the top of her head.

        “Oh, (Y/N). I got a call from the school. What were you thinkin'? Fightin' against a boy? You know boys are stronger than girls!” Frank spoke, quickly letting go of her as he looked at her hands and face for any marks.

        “I’m fine, he didn’t hurt me.” (Y/N) spoke. “But he started it! He pushed me first so I pushed back!”

        “He touched you?” Frank gasped. “What a freak! Boys nowadays need to learn some manners and keep their hands to themselves.” 

        “I was so scared, Papa.” (Y/N) sniffled, wiping the tears and snot off her face.

        “Oh, I bet.” Frank sighed, placing his hand on her shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go inside. There’s a fresh pitcher of tea waitin’ for you.” 

        (Y/N) nodded, picking her backpack up off the ground and following him back inside the house. 

        Her mother sat in her loveseat, watching the news on the TV. She turned her attention at the door, before motioning for (Y/N) to come over and sit on the couch across from her.

        “Frank, those blueberries should be in season to now. Could you go harvest them?” Rose ordered, finding an excuse for Frank to leave. 

        “Sorry, sport.” Frank sighed, patting (Y/N)’s shoulder, before walking out the door. 

        “I got a call from your principal today…” Rose started, crossing her legs. “Do you wanna explain yourself?”

        “I’m sorry.” (Y/N) started. “I got in a fight with Ben in the hallway. He pushed me, so I pushed him back, so he pushed me harder and I just got upset and punched him…” 

        “Jeez, (Y/N)… What are you? A animal?” Rose scoffed. “You’re a lady. You don’t hit people. And you especially don’t under the eyes of the Lord. Seriously, what’s wrong with you?”

        “I was just defending myself! He’s picked on me before!” (Y/N) defended.

        “So? You go to the principal’s office and report it.” Rose retorted.

        “But Ma, they don’t listen to me. They don’t like our family.” (Y/N) spoke. “They think we’re cursed. Or were sinners in another life!”

        “That’s nonsense. Everyone loves us. Everyone loves our products. We’re devoted followers of our Lord. How could they not love us?” Rose snapped, not seeming to believe it.

        “It’s because we’re freaks, Ma!” (Y/N) exclaimed, hitting her hands on her lap. “We’re major freaks! They constantly talk bad about us! We’re always invited last for our community gatherings! Papa is always getting mandatory overtime but no payment, yet everyone else doesn’t have that overtime! We’re constantly being sneered at in public! The kids at my school harass me, but you don’t care because it doesn’t affect you!” 

        “(Y/N), you can go to your—“ 

        “Do you know what they say about you, Mama?” (Y/N) questioned, her fists shaking as she spoke. “They think you’re a selfish, narcissistic, and hypocritical woman. They think you sold your soul to the devil to inherit your parents’ wealth.”

        “Who?” Rose gasped, her jaw dropped.

        “Everyone.” (Y/N) hissed. “They think Papa’s a freak because they don’t understand him. They don’t know what he’s going through. They think I’m a freak because I’m your daughter!”

        “Well, you know what? I’ve had enough of you. You’ve been acting like a freak lately!” Rose spoke, standing up from her seat. “What’s with you? Is it that college? Is that college stressin’ you out with your studies? I told you that the city isn’t for you but you never listen to me! Is it your father’s stupid paranoid delusions? He doesn’t know what he’s talking about. Don’t listen to him!”

        “He knows more than you do!” (Y/N) shouted. “And that college is the only thing in my life that will keep me away from you!” 

        “Go to your room, now! Go straight to bed! Don’t even expect supper tonight!” Rose shouted back, her voice louder—it was always louder compared to hers.

        (Y/N) had no problem with that, it’s not like that wasn’t her first time being forced to skip a meal. Besides, there's nothing too great about pre-packaged meals. Rose rarely cooks, and Frank is either always working in the auto shop or on the farm. It's been that way since she was a kid, so school lunches were basically a miracle for her when she entered school. Breakfast and lunch five days a week? That's better than no meals every day of the week! Or at least one every other day.

        She quickly took her backpack with her and walked to her room, resisting the urge to slam the door shut. She shut her door (gently) and walked to the bathroom, turning on the shower faucet and stripping off her school uniform. She sat down on the shower floor, feeling more tears well up in her eyes.

        “This fucking sucks…” she gritted through her teeth.

        She sat there for some time, before finally getting up and washing up. She dried herself off, before picking out some pajamas and changing into them. 

        She walked back to her room and sat down on her bed for a while. She was tired after today’s events, all that crying and puking and yelling really got to her. She should at least drink some water, but right now she really couldn’t be bothered. 

        There was a knock on her door, before the door opened.

        “Hey, kid. You doin’ okay?” Frank questioned, popping his head into the room.

        “No… not really…” (Y/N) sighed. 

        “Do you wanna talk about it?” he questioned.

        (Y/N) took a moment to think, before nodding. “Yeah. I think so.” 

        Frank walked into the room, sitting down on the bed. He sat down on the edge, waiting patiently for (Y/N) to talk.

        “I-I just feel so out of place…” (Y/N) sighed. “I mean, I don’t even know what I do but they hate me, and I don’t know why. I mean, I know I’m not the most prettiest or—“ 

        “Hey, stop that.” Frank spoke up. “Don’t beat yourself up like that. You’re one of the prettiest girls out there, and that’s not just cause you’re my daughter.” Frank explained. “You’re a (L/N). We (L/N)’s may have shit luck, but you know what? We always get back up. And we know what’s true and what’s not.”

        “You don’t have to be pretty to be liked. You don’t have to be anything for people to like you. It’ll come naturally over time as you meet some great people.” Frank explained. “Problem isn’t you, it’s society. You shouldn’t have to change yourself to fit societal norms, and you shouldn’t have to beat yourself up over it either. We just live in a shitty town with shitty people; but that doesn’t define society as a whole. There’s still good out there.”

        “You know what they say: everythin' happens for a reason. Right now, you’re just waitin' for your moment to shine, and when you shine; you’ll be a damn star.” Frank smiled, patting her back.

        “Thank you, Papa.” (Y/N) smiled. 

        “Now, is there anything else making you upset?” Frank questioned.

        (Y/N) took a second to think about it. Everything he’s been saying was right; it’s not that she’s bad, it’s that the people in her town are so close-minded, judging people because they don’t match their beliefs or act a little different from others. 

        “Would you be upset if I left the farm?” (Y/N) questioned. “I’ve talked about it before, about getting a scholarship to this really good med school, but would it make you mad that I’d be leaving the farm behind? Leaving you and mama behind?” 

        “(Y/N), there should never be a time in your life where you have to choose between your happiness and someone else’s.” Frank spoke. “You should always choose yourself first.”

        “But wouldn’t that just be that selfish?” (Y/N) questioned.

        “Are you kiddin'? You’re leavin' behind thousands, maybe even millions, of dollars this farm gained over the generations!” Frank laughed. “That’s pretty selfless if you ask me.”

        “Ah, you know what I mean, Papa.” (Y/N) chuckled, rolling her eyes playfully. 

        “Think of it this way. You’re goin' to wake up to yourself, you’re goin' to shower with yourself, you’re goin' to eat meals with yourself, you’re goin' to go to work with yourself, take spa days, go shoppin', run errands, and go back to sleep in the same bed—all with yourself. Everyone else in life comes and goes; coworkers, friends, lovers, even me.” Frank explained. “Put yourself first because it’s your life. There should never be a period in your time where you feel the need to sacrifice your happiness. If you’re not happy, you’re not livin'; you’re existin'. It’s plain and simple. It's only selfish if you're in a position to help someone in need, but you don't help them despite bein' stable to."

        “I… guess you’re right, yeah.” (Y/N) nodded, smiling.

        “But if you plan to have kids, then you’re gonna have to make sacrifices. You can’t just make some kids and expect that to be over, there’s a lot more than just that.” Frank chuckled. “But hey, that’s a whole other story for when you’re older. Don’t you dare be tryin' to get pregnant at your age.” 

        “I won’t, Papa. I promise.” (Y/N) giggled, shaking her head at her father’s antics.

        She surprisingly felt a lot better now. Life didn’t feel so bad anymore, who knew a little speech was all she needed to feel better. 

        But in realty, it was really just her father sacrificing his positive energy to give to her. He may not be the ideal father, and he may not remember everything he does or remain in control of himself sometimes, but she knew this was her father Frank—not the monster or the sinner her town thought he was. 

        “I heard your mom isn’t letting you eat dinner, I can sneak some in here?” Frank suggested.

        “Nah, I’m really not that hungry.” (Y/N) shook her head.

        I might just throw it up anyways… she thought.

        “Just making sure.” Frank chuckled. “Oh, hey. You wouldn’t happen to know where that hole in the face came from, would you?”

        “What hole?” (Y/N) inquired.

        “While I was harvestin' those blueberries your mom told me to fetch, I noticed a square hole in the fence, at the bottom of the fencin'. It looks like some wire pliers or somethin'.” Frank spoke. “I told your damn mom we should invest in some sturdier fencin', but she’s so persistent in wantin' that cheap fencin' that we can easily move out of the way in case we expand the farm more.” He sighed.

        “No, I wasn’t aware there was a hole in the fence.” (Y/N) spoke honestly, surprised.

        “Ah, must be someone tryna deal my damn chickens. Nobody is takin' Charlotte from me.” Frank huffed, crossing his arms.

        Charlotte was practically Frank’s pet hen. Charlotte was born in domestically at her farm, she was smaller than the other chicks and had a white fluffy spot on her back. Charlotte has some serious attitude for something that’s easy to fry up. 

        “I’ll just go to town and replace the fencin' tomorrow. I don’t want any damn coyotes or foxes trying to get ‘em.” Frank sighed, before standing up from the edge of the bed.

        “Thank you for talking with me, Papa. I needed it.” (Y/N) smiled. 

        “Hey, it’s the least I can do.” Frank smiled, before ruffling her hair, causing her to giggle. 

        “Night, sport. Just remember, I’m proud of you no matter what you do in life.” Frank smiled, opening her bedroom door.

        (Y/N) smiled at the reassurance. “I love you, Papa.” 

        “I love ya too, (Y/N).” He smiled. “Get some rest now.” He spoke, before closing the door behind him.

        (Y/N) crawled under her covers and smiled, glad to have talked about her feelings. She didn’t feel as alone as she did earlier.

        She closed her eyes, listening to the sounds of the cicadas outside, and the snapping twigs of a bunny or raccoon nearby her window. 

        .

        .

        (Y/N) woke up feeling a bit more happier and relaxed than usual. She at least woke up in a good mood, the effects of last night's talk still lingering with her as she stood up. She did a small stretch to get her blood pumping, before walking over to her drawers to find clothes for herself. She opened up her drawers to grab a pair of socks for today, before feeling something weird.

        What is that?

         She pulled out a paper folded in fours, but her heart dropped when she saw red splotches on the piece. She quickly folded open the paper, reading the contents. 

        "My love, how utterly divine you are. I've taken care of that nuisance for you, are you proud of me? I couldn't stand how he touches you, how he wishes to harm you, when a beauty like you should be absolutely adored. He won't be a problem for you anymore, nobody will ever be a problem to you. You're like an angel, and all I wish to do is protect you from the evil in this world. I want to serve you and be your faithful prophet, your only follower.          You saved me, let me save you now. See you soon, my love." 

        It was printed sugar paper with typed letters printed on it, and dried blood spots on the paper. That wasn't in her drawer last night, someone broke into her house.

        It felt like she stopped breathing, a ringing inside her ears as her head felt fuzzy. She dropped the bloodied paper, taking a few shaky steps, before running to the bathroom and throwing up in the toilet. 

        You would think she'd have nothing in her stomach to throw up, but you'd be wrong. Whenever she gets scared, a nauseating feeling takes over and she can't help but empty her stomach. 

        She coughed and wiped her mouth with toilet paper, taking another piece of toilet paper and wiping the snot and tears off her face. 

        Who the hell could've sent her that note? Who the hell broke into her house and planted that? 

        Another thought stuck her. Just how long have they been watching her? What else is planted in her house?

        That thought pushed her up off the ground, scurrying back to her bedroom. She tore her bedroom apart, searching every nook and cranny. She even went as far as to check every single clothing item she owned. She found a small microphone inside one of her ceiling light bulbs; no wonder the room looked brighter, her soft yellow lights were replaced with white LED's and she didn't even realize it! She even dismantled a part of her alarm clock, finding a small camera there. And she found another small camera in the eye of one of her old collector dolls that sat perched on her shelf. 

        After another trip to the bathroom to puke, she did a quick sweep around her bathroom, finding another microphone in her bathroom lightbulb and a camera inside the shower head; hence resulting in her throwing up again. She grabbed all the cameras and lightbulbs, placing them in a large ziplock bag for evidence, before placing the note in a separate ziplock bag.

        (Y/N) sat on her bed for a moment, trying to wrack her brain on why this was happening. Why her? What this a nightmare? Who the hell would choose (Y/N) to stalk? It must be a sick joke, right? Nobody would write her a love confession, that's never happened in her life! She's close to nobody except Annabelle and Lola, and they would never do this! Kate hates her, and Ben's most likely still pissed off at her for punching him. There's nobody else in her life who's been around her recently except...

        She grabbed her hair, tugging the ends to cope with the sick realization. It was Ren. That stupid, creepy brat with the stupid, creepy brown eyes that just bore right into her all the time. He's in her church, watching her every move like a hawk. He coincidentally transfers into her class a few months ago. He coincidentally steps in and saves her from Ben yesterday. It has to be him, there's nobody else!

        Her throat was sore and burning, her eyes were exhausted and tired from crying, and she felt like she was about to tip over and faint. She opened her bedroom door, stumbling out into the hallway. Her father sat on the couch watching a baking show, while her mother sat reading a book on her loveseat. (Y/N) dragged herself into the living room, placing the ziplock bags onto the center table for them to speak.

        "Papa. Mama. We need to call the police. Someone's watching me..."

        .

        .

        The police were called down to the farm, talking to a clueless mother and father as they tried to gather evidence. The only evidence that could be found was the ziplock bags (Y/N) provided them. There were no signs of breaking in, but (Y/N) knew that was because of their own faults. They lived in a small, religious town, so everyone knew each other. They would've never expected anyone to break into their house, so it was common for people to leave their doors unlocked in their town. During the police investigation, they found a body inside the pig enclosure, the pigs feasting on the body of Ben Rivers. (Y/N) was immediately placed in custody and taken down to the police station to be questioned.

        She refused to talk without a lawyer, but there weren't many lawyers inside of her small town, and her trial date was approaching rapidly. (Y/N) was being trialed for the possibility of first degree murder alongside tampering evidence, and (Y/N) was trying to file charges against Ren for stalking, trespassing, first degree murder, and frame up. 

        It took weeks for their small town court to final accept their case and get court hearings done. The word got around quick around town. If she felt isolated beforehand, well she certainly felt so now. As luck would have her, Ren was popular in school and in town. He actively attended and volunteered in church, he had stellar grades, and a perfect social image.

        That's the only damn thing he has against her, a good social image. It's so unfair. Why is she punished for what others do? She didn't choose to be Frank's daughter, she didn't choose to be next inheritor of Rose's family farm. 

        Please, as if that was a good excuse, a part of it is her fault too. She was the one that tried killing herself. She was the one that sang the quietest during the church's hymens. She was the one that never bothered to stand out and do extracurricular activities like Annabelle and Lola do. By isolating herself, she's practically doomed herself in this case. 

        (Y/N) resisted the urge to play with her thumbs as she sat in front of the judge. She wore a white blouse with a black blazer, wearing a pencil skirt and black tights with black flats. Rose said that it would show she's sophisticated and respected, but (Y/N) felt like she was wearing the outfit to her own funeral. 

        She practically avoided Ren's eyes the whole session, not wanting to see what stupid "innocent" face he'll have on that damn face of his to sway the whole court. He sat in one of the seats behind her, just feeling everyone's eyes (including his) on her sent shivers down her spine. She was currently being tried for first degree murder and tampering with the evidence, but (Y/N) knows that's not true. 

        Surely they'll believe her, there were literally cameras and microphones in her room! There's practically nobody else that'll do this to her!

        "With all the evidence and statements taken into consideration, we the court, find (Y/N) (L/N) guilty of first-degree murder." 

        Her heart practically dropped at that. How could this happen?

        "With all the evidence and statements taken into consideration, we the court, find (Y/N) (L/N) guilty of tampering and trying to rid the body of Ben Rivers." 

        She tried to open her mouth to speak, but it felt like no words were going to come out. If she kept her mouth open any longer, she might just cry instead.

        "(Y/N) (L/N) will serve 20 years, with no chance of parole." The judge decided. "Is there anything you wish to say, Ms. (L/N)?"

        "How could you turn your back against justice?" she questioned, her bottom lip trembling. "I'm innocent. He framedme! Tell me how those cameras got into my house! How those microphones appeared!"

        "According to receipts on a shopping site, you spent nearly $300 dollars purchasing two cameras and two lightbulb microphones, and had them shipped to a public park. It was purchased under your name and debit card."

        (Y/N)'s face paled, her hands shaking. No, she didn't do that. Ren must've stolen it. He must've framed her!

        "Around that same time, Ben Rivers, the man you killed, also happened to lose his wallet that was reported to have at least $300 in his words." The judge explained, reading a paper in their hands. "It was also during that time that you fought Mr. Rivers at your public high school, which provoked the murder. With this evidence, you not only premeditated the murder by buying the technology and trying to get rid of the body, but also tried framing the murder itself." 

        "B-but the note? Where did that come from?" (Y/N) questioned.

        "There was no forensic evidence on the letter except for your finger oils, and the dried blood of Ben Rivers. The note was typed so you could hide your handwriting." The judge explained.

        "No, no! It was typed! Anyone could've typed that! Ren could've typed that!" (Y/N) tried to fight. "Please, this was a targeted attack! Ben was murdered! Mine and my family's lives are in danger! This didn't just happen out of the blue, it was planned by someone that wasn't me! It was Ren, it has to be!" 

        "With the evidence of online receipts found under your name and debit card, the forensic evidence of your finger oils after you supposedly found the note in your clothing drawer, the finding of Ben Rivers body in your family farm, the previously shown hostility you've shown against Ben Rivers in the past; it is with undeniable evidence that you are guilty of murdering and hiding the body of Ben Rivers." The judge spoke. "With all this said, (Y/N) (L/N) will serve 20 years in prison, no parole. Along with this sentencing, I hereby give the verdict that Ren Itami is not guilty of first-degree murder, of trespassing, of stalking, and of tampering with evidence."

        "What?! No! That needs another trial! You can't do that!" (Y/N) exclaimed. 

        "Court dismissed!" the judge shouted, their voice echoing throughout the courtroom.

        (Y/N) sat limp, staring at the table she was seated at.

        It's all over. She thought, her vision blurring with tears as her ears rang.

        She could make out her father yelling in the background of the ringing, but she didn't have the energy to look. 

        My life is over. She thought as the judicial security forced her up out of her seat, taking her away from her family.

        She stood up, tripping over her feet as security forced her away. She was able to tilt her head to look at her parents, watching as Rose covered her face with her hands; either she was crying, or she was embarrassed. Frank was standing and animated, his hands moving all around as his mouth ran, but (Y/N) couldn't hear what he was saying.

        (Y/N) forced her eyes to look around the courtroom. Most people didn't even seem shocked or surprised that it was "supposedly" her who killed Ben Rivers. A few emotional people cried, others filing out of the courtroom. She saw Annabelle and Lola here with their families, the girls' expressions looking betrayed and in disbelief.

        She saw the family of Ben Rivers there. His little siblings sobbed, and his mother covered her mouth as she cried. The father was trying to comfort Ben's mother, but his eyes stared at her with nothing but hatred. 

        No, don't look at me that way. She thought. I didn't do it. I didn't!

        He just needs some guidance. They all just need some guidance to know it wasn't her. It wasn't her!

        She finally saw the man that put her in this position, her eyes meeting his bright brown ones. His black hair covered his eyes, but she knew damn well he was looking at her. His disgusting, blood-soaked hands were patting the shoulder of one of Ben's siblings.

        No! Don't let him touch them, Ms. Rivers. She thought. Don't let him kill your other children too, Mr. Rivers!

        She was led through door, before the security slammed the court door shut, leading her down a hallway where a police car awaited to take her to prison. 

        .

        .

        One week here, and she could barely get out of bed. She was taken to the town's small prison. There weren't toomany people here, so she was able to get her own cell. At least she wouldn't be sharing a cell with a freak. 

        Oh, who is she kidding? She'd be the freak they'd be cellmates with. 

        She stared at the food on the ground, not wanting anything to do with it. It's not even that it looked unappetizing, it's that she had absolutely no strength to eat. 

        Her life was over, everything she looked forward to in her future no longer existed. She was going to get out of this town, run away from the farm's responsibilities and inheritance, find a place that could accept her no matter who her family was, go to college, become a pediatric nurse and help other kids like her and more. Somewhere in that future, she could even get a chance at a happy relationship. 

        But that's over now. Nobody is going to love her now. Nobody is going to accept her now. When she gets out of jail, she'll be at least almost 40. How is somebody going to accept a convicted murderer, whether they did it or not? Who is really going to believe her? Jobs will turn her down, she'll be lucky to even score a job at a fast food joint.

        It's all over now, so she might as well just die. Starve herself away. Or, at the very least, she'll try to the best of her abilities. Sooner or later, the guards will take her to the medical-treatment room, and they'll force a tube down her nose or mouth and feed her some crappy nutritional supplement whether she wants it or not. After that, she'll go to her cell, and she'll stick her finger down her throat and force all of that disgusting crap out of her body, speeding up her dehydrating process and just finally die. The only reason she's been drinking water is because it hurts to breathe without a moist throat. At least after a while, the starvation slowly stops to hurt, but dehydration just feels worse in her opinion. 

        There was a bang on her cell's bars but (Y/N) couldn't bother to look over, staring at the ceiling as she rested on her bed. 

        "Hey, (L/N). You got a visitor!" the guard spoke, though she really couldn't care.

        She didn't bother responding to them, staying in the same spot as she refused to talk. 

        "If you don't get up, we'll just bring them here." The guard persisted, though (Y/N) remained uncaring.

        She heard the guard's footsteps fade away, at least ten minutes going by as she listened to other inmates talking and screaming, some banging on their cells angrily. 

        Can't you fools tell it's pointless? (Y/N) thought.

        She wondered how many others were here innocently. This whole damn situation, being in jail, nobody believing her; she was almost convinced that she was a sleeper agent. Or at least, she was guilty but couldn't remember. Why else would people not listen to her?

        Footsteps echoed down the hallways, before they stopped in front of her cell. She mentally rolled her eyes, not having the energy to do so in person. 

        "Hello, (Y/N)." A voice spoke, almost smugly as they stood at her cell. "Did you miss me?"

        (Y/N) immediately scrambled up from her spot, getting dizzy and falling on the ground for a few seconds, but she forced her way up off the ground and ran to the prison bars. 

        "Y-" she tried to speak, but her voice was hoarse.

        She quickly ran to her table and grabbed a water bottle, practically chugging the whole thing before wiping her mouth. She ran back to the cell's bars, staring at them.

        "Y-you son of a bitch!" she shouted, her voice raspy as she forced her hands through the bars and grabbed the collar of their shirt, slamming them up against the bars. "How dare you show your face to me? I'll kill you! I'll kill you!" 

        "My, how hostile. I'm just doing you a favor too!" he laughed.

        "What the fuck are you doing here, Ren? What are you doing here?!" she shouted. "Was it not enough? Was ruining my life not enough for you?!" 

        "Calm down, my love. I'm not looking to harm you, honestly this all was my mistake." Ren laughed. 

        My love? My love? As in, the nickname that bloodied confession letter said? 

        So it was Ren. (Y/N) thought, almost sickeningly gleeful despite all the damage he's caused to her.

        At least she knows she's not completely crazy. 

        "Fuck you and your mistakes." She hissed, her grip tightening on his collar. "I'll never forgive you for this."

        "So feisty." Ren smiled. "I'm actually bailing you out. Shouldn't you be glad?"

        "Bailing... me out?" she questioned, confused. "Why did you even get me in here in the first place?! Do you understand how damaged my reputation is now?!"

        "Oh, please. It's not like it was good to begin with." He chuckled, causing her to glare at him. "I didn't mean for you to be held accountable for murder. Really, it was an honest mistake. I was just trying to cover my tracks, I didn't mean for that pesky body to have you end up in jail. It's a shame a pest like him is still causing you problems even after he's dead."        

        "Why didn't you just admit to the murder? Why did you have to involve me into it?" she questioned. 

        "Well, if I was in jail, I wouldn't be able to see you anymore, silly!" he laughed, his hands reaching out and holding her wrists as she held his collar. "You have such soft, delicate hands. An angel like you shouldn't be trapped in a nasty cage such as this." 

        "It wouldn't be so soft and delicate when I bash your head into the wall!" she hissed, ignoring his angel comment as she ripped her hands away from him, a new wave of anger hitting her as he had the audacity to touch her after everything he's done. 

        "Well now, I had to make sure you learned your lesson. I was originally going to let you have a month here in prison—but ah, but I couldn't stay separated from you for that long." He sighed longingly. "I figured a week must be enough for you to learn your lesson! I'm glad I came sooner though, it looks like you've been starving yourself!"

        I would rather stay a month here and starve than after to see you. She thought, annoyed. 

        "You've learned your lesson, right?" he questioned.

        "Die sooner?" she spoke sarcastically. 

        "I do love your humor dear, but now is not the time." He smiled.

        "What? Not to cross you or some crap?" she scoffed, crossing her arms. 

        "Bingo! Aren't you so smart?" he cooed, his hands holding the cell bars as she backed up from him. 

        "Fuck off. I might as well just rot away here. My life is over now." She hissed, turning her head away from him. 

        "Oh, no. See, it doesn't work like that!" he smiled. "Whether you like it or not love, you're still being bailed out! So, you can either come with me, or live in the streets! Aren't I a better option?"

        I'd rather be the next Oscar the Grouch than go anywhere he's going. (Y/N) thought to herself. 

        "So? What will it be?" Ren questioned. 

        "I want to be bailed out." (Y/N) responded. "And I want food." 

        "Sure, that can be done." Ren smiled. "Just as long as you promise one thing?"

        "What is it?" she questioned, glaring at him suspiciously. 

        "Graduation is near. As soon as we graduate, I want you to come live with me and become my wife. We'll move out of state and have our own family! Unless you want to wait for kids, we can do that too." Ren smiled, as if the idea wasn't crazy.

        "Excuse me?" she questioned.

        "Yeah, kids are a bit too soon, huh?" Ren nodded, as if agreeing with an idea she didn't even say.

        "I said excuse me! Not even a first date or something?" she spoke, shocked. 

        Well, she shouldn't expect much class from the guy that put cameras and microphones inside her bathroom and bedroom. 

        "On the way home we'll grab that lunch I promised you. Consider it a lunch date." He smiled. 

        (Y/N) resisted the urge to roll her eyes, before eventually agreeing. "Okay..." she nodded. "If you bail me out and get me lunch, I'll be your wife..." she spoke, her legs shaky at just the thought of actually agreeing to this ridiculous request.

        It can't be that bad, right? It's better than 20 years in prison, right? 

        "Oh, good! I was worried I'd have to bail you out and kidnap you on the streets! That would be quite the hassle to try and hide you!" Ren laughed giddily. "I'll be right back! I'll go pay and have the guards unlock the cell for you! I even brought you an outfit!"

        "Great..." (Y/N) muttered, not even bothering to force a smile. 

        (Y/N) looked around her cell for anything she wanted to take, but there was nothing that wasn't hers. She watched as the prison guard opened the door for her, a hateful glare on his face. 

        Understandably so, he's under the impression that she's a murderer of a teenage boy, and now she's being paid out of jail. No wonder he would stare at her in disgust, even if the true killer was the one standing right next to him. 

        (Y/N) stepped out of the cell, being handed a bag from Ren. 

        "There's some private bathrooms here, we can find one for you to change in." Ren explained. 

        (Y/N) nodded, silent as she followed Ren. They found a bathroom for her to change into, much to (Y/N)'s relief as she doesn't want to change inside of a cramped car with her stalker. Ren opened the door for her, about to walk in with her before she stopped him.

        "Excuse me? No. I can change by myself." (Y/N) scoffed, stopping him with her arm. 

        "Hm? Why?" he questioned. "It's not like I haven't not seen any part of your body."

        "Don't remind me, creep." (Y/N) hissed, a shiver running up her spine as he reminded her of the cameras. "You stay out! I'll just change really quick!" 

        "Fine, whatever you want." Ren sighed, disheartened. 

        (Y/N) closed the door behind her, triple-checking to make sure it was locked. She opened the bag that Ren gave her, mentally groaning at the outfit he chose. 

        She put on the outfit reluctantly, before grabbing the brush he left in the bag for her. She brushed out her hair, looking at herself in the mirror. She wore a white mid-thigh length sundress that Ren gave her, with strawberry patterns printed on the cloth, and frilly off-shoulder sleeves. She put on white flats that he left in the bag for her, and she refused to wear the questionable lace panties and matching bra. The outfit was cute, but she didn't like knowing it was something her stalker got for her. She'll probably throw the dress away in the trash later. 

        She walked out of the bathroom, looking at Ren. 

        "Ah, look at you! You look adorable!" Ren cooed. "Spin for me."

        "No." (Y/N) stated firmly, a flash of annoyance crossing her face at his audacity. 

        "Maybe next time." He laughed, before leading her to an office area.

        He signed her out, and (Y/N) shortly received her personal items they held onto. She had the outfit she came to the prison with, along with her phone. She checked her phone's battery, seeing it was at 0%. The battery must've slowly been draining while she was held here. 

        "Ready to go, my love?" he questioned, holding his hand out for her.

        "Die." She snapped, walking past him. 

        How could he act like this? How could he act like he did nothing wrong after he broke into her house and placed cameras and microphones into her private living space? How could he have the audacity to make her take his fall, then bail her out and tell she must've learned her lesson.

        Of course she's learned. She's learned that she's going to get as far away from him as possible, no matter what. It doesn't matter when, one day, she'll escape him. Like hell she'll be his wife. 

        Ren laughed at her hostility, making a comment about "how cute she is when she's upset." He was acting as if he was dealing with a fussy toddler. 

        Ren guided her to his car, causing her to halt and rethink her decisions. She was going to be alone in an enclosed space with a man, a man who has done nothing but destroy her life. Ren looked at her expectantly, refusing to get in the car until she does first. 

        He's making sure he can quickly catch her if she tries to run from him.

        (Y/N) sighed, before hesitantly opening the car door and getting in, closing the door. She tested the door handle to see if it'd open, but it was child-locked, she realized. If she wanted out of the car, Ren would have to unlock the doors and walk around to open the door for her. 

        Damn it, he's smart. 

        (Y/N) frowned, watching as Ren hopped inside of the driver seat. He turned the car on and smiled at her, opening his mouth to speak, before she interrupted him.

        "Food." She spoke, buckling her seatbelt for safety (even if she would rather be in a car accident instead of hanging out with her stalker). 

        Before he could question where or what, she added on. 

        "Steak. Go to a steakhouse." She ordered, crossing her arms. 

        "You seem to know what you want." He chuckled, smiling.

        "I haven't eaten in a week. Now drive." She snapped. 

        "Whatever you want." Ren hummed, pulling out of the parking lot and driving. 

        She looked around Ren's car, not noticing anything out of the ordinary except for the man himself.

        "So, what do you see in me?" she questioned.

        "Excuse me?" he questioned.

        "ExCuSe Me." She mocked, let out a scoff of disbelief. "You heard me, jackass. You stalked me. You killed Ben. Why?" 

        "Let's save that for our wedding vows, yeah?" Ren smiled. "Don't worry. You won't have to wait long."

        (Y/N) looked over at him nervously, before letting out a defeated sigh, instead focusing her attention outside of the window to avoid his predatory gaze.

        .

        .

        Just like he promised, he returned her back home after paying for lunch. He requested for her to keep him bailing her out as a secret, to which she hesitantly agreed.

        (Y/N) returned to her family's farm, rushing inside and hugging her father and mother. She made up a stupid lie saying that her good behavior let her get released, though they probably knew that wasn't the truth; however, they certainly didn't care if it was the truth or not.

        Everything might've seemed resolved now, but that was far from the case. The news of (Y/N) being convicted and released made the news and headlines. It was (Y/N)'s first day of school and she sat in the bathrooms during lunch, hiding away from the rest of the world in the stall. 

        Annabelle and Lola are no longer her friends. "We can't be friends with a murderer, whether you say you did it or not, the evidence leads to you." they told her. There wasn't a Ben to try and push her in the hallways, or to try and trip her in biology class. Mr. Jones couldn't even come up with a dry comment to say to her.

        It seemed like everyone was busy taking pictures or recording her. There were pictures of her mugshot taped onto her locker, and newspapers with the highlighted words "murderer" taped on it too. There were posts on social media questioning why she was back and how they could let a murderer escape.

        She would rather be known as a freak than a murderer any day.

        And the worst part? People sympathized with Ren. They were whispering about how sorry they were that he had to see the girl who "tried" to accuse him of killing Ben and stalking (Y/N). 

        It hurt losing her best friends from middle school. It hurt losing her social image, even if it wasn't much. It hurt being an accused murderer.  It hurt hearing the rumors that her family's wealth and connections to the Devil is how she got out of prison. 

        It hurt being known, but not known at the same time. 

        She constantly looked at the posts the media had of her. She didn't know how to feel; angry, sad, disappointed, afraid? People are just making assumptions of what they heard and know, they don't know that Ren is the real murderer tormenting her. They don't know anything.

        People whispered in the hallways and classes about her. 

        "I heard that she tried framing Ren because he rejected her confession."

        "I heard she was the killer all along. I mean, who gets a love letter placed in their drawers and doesn't know about it? Sounds pretty suspicious."

        "She got bailed out because of her mommy's money. She can't even accept responsibility for her own crimes."

        "She sure looks like a killer, all quiet and creepy. I didn't even know who she was until now."

        Even if Ben's bullying stopped, Kate's didn't. She only got more physical. What used to be verbally assaults was replaced with milk spilt on her head and cigarette burns on her scarred arms. 

        When will it be enough? She questioned the universe. 

        Never. 

        But the worst part? God, the worst part must be that bastard's face. (Y/N) constantly checked her room everyday to make sure there were no cameras or light bulbs, so Ren gave up trying to install more. Even though he stopped his 24/7 supervision of her, he constantly visited her at night, keeping her up by knocking at her window until she opened it so that he could talk her ear off about how pretty she was, and how excited he was to be her husband, and how close graduation was coming until he'd take her away from here. 

        He kept writing his stupid confession letters to her, about how much of an "angel" she was, and how utterly divine her beauty was. He used sugar paper to write on, and he used a dark red ink pen to write with. It was like he was taunting her by choosing red, reminding her of the spilt blood that stained the first confession he gave her. It was like he was reminding her that nobody believes her, that in everyone else's eyes she killed Ben.

        She would grab the letters and burn them on her father's grill outside. It didn't matter trying to prove herself with the letters, nobody would believe her anyways. All she cared about was tearing the papers, stomping them on the ground and burning them into embers that flew in the air. Even burnt paper was more free than her. She wanted to destroy the evidence of Ren in her life. She wanted to destroy his love for her, but he just wouldn't give up. 

        Even her own mother believed she was a murderer. Rose told her one day while doing the dishes that she should be ashamed of herself, and that she should've at least tried blaming the murder on someone who was more less known and a weirdo. Rose couldn't dare think that Ren did such a thing, not when Ren was such a respectful boy who attended church and participated in volunteer work. At least her father believed her, but it felt like he always had to remind her what happened, to never go outside alone, to never leave the farm. She wasn't even sure if her father actually believed her, or if he was mixing his persecutory delusions when he experienced episodes into (Y/N)'s life. It drove her mad, she felt her already poor mental health deteriorating into something worse.  

        The church kicked out her entire family from ever stepping foot on the premises. Not only was she isolated from her hometown, friends, and society; but not even church would wash away the "sins" she committed. 

        Her grades were slipping. Her studies were failing. Her sanity was dropping. 

        Everything just looked like a weapon for her to use against herself or another. 

        Why should she eat food? Why should she drink water? Why should she take a shower? Why should she live? 

        One week before graduation. One week before Ren would whisk her away from this hell of a town, and give her a new hell as his wife. 

        She was admitted into the hospital for a stomach pump and to sew up her wrists after having another failed suicide attempt. It's been a couple years since she last tried to kill herself, but after all the events that happened, it only seemed like the most reasonable thing to do. She had tried overdosing on pills and cutting deep into her wrists so she could bleed out, but her father came home from work early. He made it a habit to always checked up on her after work, so when he saw her unconscious on the ground with blood on her arms and empty pill bottles around her body, he grabbed Rose and made her apply a towel and pressure to (Y/N)'s wrists while he sped through town to get her to the ER. She made it out alive, much to her dismay. 

        She sucked at living. She sucked at trying to find happiness. She sucked at trying to die. Wasn't there anything she was good at except being a punching bag? 

        The hospital made her take multiple tests during her time there. She had to answer a lot of paper tests asking about her health, and she had to take tests involving her nervous system. She was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, exactly what her father has and is why he's shunned from society. She was also diagnosed with manic depression as a follow-up for her bipolar disorder. 

        It clicked in her head then and there. She'll never be fine. She'll never escape these emotions. She'll always be a freak, and the daughter of a freak. She'll always be the daughter codependent on mommy's money. The realization made her sob, try to suffocate herself with her pillow. She was placed under suicide watch inside the hospital, and she was kept for three days, when the doctors finally decided to let her go. 

        As always, word got around in school, and more rumors spread. The constant whispers, the constant feeling of eyes watching her, they were all looking at her, they were all watching her just like Ren. It was too much. 

        Why was she being punished for simply just existing? Even when she tries to take her life, they still look down on her. 

        She had her scholarship to her dream med school denied after the newspaper headlines made way to them. They sent an email about how they couldn't accept a mentally ill scholar to care for others in need. All the other colleges she applied for wouldn't accept her either.

        Everything was taken from her now. She had absolutely nothing to look forward to now. How can you possibly live if you have nothing to live for? 

        Ren was knocking at her window again tonight. Tomorrow was graduation, tomorrow was going to be her final day free from him. 

        Go away. She pleaded. Please, just leave me alone.

        After one too many knocks on her window, she finally walked over to the window, ripping it open and jumping out the window, tackling him and pulling down to the ground. She got up on top of him and started punching his face.

        "Fuck you, Ren! Fuck you! You ruined my future! You ruined my life!" she cried, her fists hitting anything on his face, before it hurt too much to punch him anymore. 

        When her fists stop hitting him, he looked up at her with a sickeningly sweet smile.

        "My love, I'm so proud of you for communicating your feelings with me." He cooed, his hands moving up and holding her shaking hands. 

        "I want to die. I want to die." She cried, her figure shaking as tears dropped on his bloodied face. 

        "So that's where these scars came from..." Ren muttered, running his fingers along her stitches. "My love, why must you cut your wings? If you cut too deep, you'll lose your ability to fly!"

        "I don't wanna fly. I just want to die." She spoke through tears. 

        "I never wanted you to waste a drop of your blood. I only want mine to spill..." he spoke, his fingers going from her arms to her thighs, trying to soothe her, but the feeling only made her feel worse. 

        "Don't touch me! I'll kill you!" she shouted. 

        It’d be such an honor dying by your hands. To feel your skin on mine. Please, tell me how you’ll kill me? Will it be slow or long? Use me as you wish and dispose of me!” he laughed, taunting her as he fed into her fantasies, as if the idea was actually entertaining to him. 

        No. She doesn't want to kill him. She doesn't want to touch him if he'll just enjoy it and act like a masochistic freak. She just wants him to disappear from her life. 

        "Please, please just let me go. Please just let me die. I can't. I can't do this." (Y/N) begged. "Just let me go. Please."

        "I'm sorry, but you're mine, angel. I can't live without you." He frowned. "Finders keepers."

        (Y/N) cried, slapping his hands off her thighs. She stood up off his bleeding figure, climbing back into her bedroom window.

        "I'll see you tomorrow. Goodnight, my love!" he smiled, blood leaking out of his mouth. 

        She ignored his words, shutting her window and locking it. She walked to her bathroom and washed her hands off in the sink, before crawling into her bed and crying herself to sleep. 

        .

        .

        It was graduation day, but she felt anything but excited. It's not like a high school diploma would fix everything in her life. 

        However, depending on how she plays this out, she just might be able to escape this.

        She received her diploma on stage, with little to nobody except her parents clapping (Ren was in line, but he wasn't going to clap for the girl who "tried to frame him for murder"). She quickly exited the stage, sneaking out of the ceremony and running out to the parking lot. She hopped into her car and drove away.

        For weeks she's planned this out. She sold her phone and laptop in case there was any tracking malware installed by Ren, buying a new phone and laptop. She gave her parents her phone number and told them not to give her number to absolutely anyone. She checked all over her car, inside and outside, looking at every nook and cranny inside the engine and outside for any airtags or tracking devices. She packed up all her clothes and important essentials, putting them in luggage and shoving it into her car. She closed all her old bank accounts and opened new ones now that she was 18, bank accounts her family or nobody else could access, transferring all her money into said accounts. She only had a few hundred bucks, and she refuses to stoop so low as to ask her parents for money (she does not want to be indebted to Rose). She said her goodbyes to her parents this morning, knowing she won't see them after the graduation. She even found Ren's car in the parking lot before the ceremony and slashed all his tires so he couldn't drive after her. 

        She didn't know where she was driving, but she was driving away from her hometown, from her family, and from Ren. She'll find a new home, and she'll learn to be happy there. She'll live inside of her car until then, and she'll search for a job until she can eventually save up money for a place.

        Weeks went by as she drove in and out states, looking for a place to settle. She slept on the side of the roads, and picked up cheap food from any gas station or fast food joint she could find. She would use free wi-fi from those fast food joints or public places, and she would take showers in the public showers of trucker gas stations (she would wear socks during her showers though, like hell she'll contract ringworm or any other fungi). 

        Living homeless was uncomfortable and downright scary, but she felt it was better than being Ren's wife. 

        A month into her escape, she received a sketchy email from a supposed learning institution. The supposedly email basically summed up to them being notified that you were looking for a med school, but because of your recent arrest charges, you can't get into any schools. The institution is offering to accept her into their school under any medical degree and skill due to the fact their school doesn't accept discrimination of any kind. 

        It was extremely sketchy, it even had a poster of a doctor recommending euthanasia for suicidal people (honestly she could use that). 

        But it was something? If she actually got a degree from these guys, then she could really get her life back on track! Get a job! Become a pediatric nurse! She could actually make something out of herself and be happy on her own!

        She responded back to the email, surprised to see the email reply not even ten minutes later. The email came with a short "thank you", followed by an address a few states away. (Y/N) gathered her items and walked out of the dining establishment, hopping into her car and putting on a GPS to follow the address.

        This was her future, wherever it will lead her, it must at least be better than Ren.

        .

        .

        (Y/N) woke up from her sleep, tired and disoriented. She felt a warm presence holding her, and looked up to see Andrew. Andrew's hand was placed on her head, his other arm wrapped tightly around her body, holding her close in a protective manner. 

        (Y/N) tried to carefully sneaking out of his hold, but it was to no use. She didn't want to wake him up, so she just resorted to lying there. She looked at her clock, noticing it was 8 A.M, far earlier than she'd like to be up by. 

        She looked over at Andrew and smiled. It's funny how she enjoys this practical stranger's company far more than she enjoyed Ren's, but I guess the difference between them is Ren was a stalker who didn't have any boundaries, and Andrew wasn't. 

        (Y/N) mentally gushed over his handsome face, resisting the urge to giggle as she saw drool on his lips. 

        What? She's allowed to mentally enjoy the peaceful sight. Who cares if he's a murderer staying with her rent free and she murdered his sister. She doesn't have many peaceful things in her life, shut up and let her enjoy this moment before her life goes to hell once more!

        She remembered that her parents had spent the night, and that (Y/N) had express-shipped a package today for Andrew. 

        (Y/N) groaned, closing her eyes for a second before reopening them. She placed her hand on Andrew's arm, shaking him until he woke up.

        "Uh... (Y/N)?" Andrew muttered, sleepily. "Something wrong...?"

        "Morning, sleeping beauty." (Y/N) teased. "Ready to start today? We have a bunch of shopping to do."

        "To spend a day with you? I'm honored." Andrew hummed sarcastically, before reaching his hand out and touching her cheek, gently pinching and tugging it. "Let's get today started, bedhead." He smirked, before ruffling her messy hair. 

Hello, my stars! I know Andrew didn't show up in this like, at all, but don't worry, chapter 8 will have tons of Andrew. I'll make it up to y'all by doing a cute little date with Andrew and (Y/N), where cute, wholesome things happen. Nothing bad.

Chapter 7 is done! Phew! This was probably the fastest I've ever written a chapter for you guys. I've just had a lot of free time this week and I felt really motivated to do this chapter, so I'm glad it's out! Chapter 8 has most of its outline work done, so now it's just the matter of getting to write it! The series is starting to wrap up, but I think it probably won't end until chapter 10-12 (no promises though).

I also know that Andrew wasn't (was barely) in this chapter. I wanted to do a chapter of (Y/N)'s backstory, but I didn't expect it to get so long... I just didn't want to half-ass it. It was better separating the chapters after all though!

Don't worry, chapter 8 will have tons of Andrew. I'll make it up to y'all by doing a cute little date with Andrew and (Y/N), where cute, wholesome things happen. Nothing bad. Thank you all for reading!

Want more Andrew Graves content? Check out the Andrew Graves masterlist!

Inbox is OPEN for questions about the story and new plotlines/ideas, not for requests!

Chapters: Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, chapter 4, chapter 5, chapter 6, current chapter, chapter 8, chapter 9 (in the works)

Want to listen to music while reading? Check out the Star Patient's Official Playlists! Multiple different playlists and genres!

[a-big-chicken-nerd]

Ice Emperor related fic recs?

ohohoho most certainly

thin ice breaks easily by lightningchicken has gotta be my all time favorite ice emperor fic. never fails to make me go a little insane its SO GOOD

lost and found by idkwhyimhere5462 is an absolute banger with the plot being utilized so perfectly to really show off what ice emperor was like during his reign as well as vex and boreal and their dynamic and its extremely good

adventures with the ice emperor by idkwhyimhere5462 is a series of absolutely banger oneshots

ruler from another realm by cybersearcher is an absolutely iconic one and a must read. not your typical ice emperor fic but the never-realm world building is too good

whetstone by spinchip is awesome i love the open ending and the continuation of akitas plot and the characterization SO much

i hope we both die by spinchip is another banger by spinchip because btw spinchip does nothing but bangers so definitely check out all their zane and post-ice emperor fics both on ao3 and tumblr

bitter cold by redboar is a LONG one!!! 100k+ words!!!! ice emperor is so cool in it and the way vex and grimfax are written is extremely good

i think that i damned the both of us by penofwildfire is truly premium quality toxic yaoi if shipping ice emperor and vex is your thing

how the frost forgets by kzfine is still currently ongoing and its super good so far with plenty of focus on vex as well which is always excellent to see

the ultimate guide to re-becoming zane julien by fronhdoesthings is awesome and still currently ongoing and it has really good illustrations and is just overall great

there are a lot of great zane focused post-never realm fics as well but i tried to keep this list to just ice emperor ones that stay WITHIN the never realm LOL one billion fics upon ye

[accio-victuuri]

it’s been a while since i’ve shared my recent reads! so here’s what i have picked up in the past months. felt inspired cause i’m really enjoying the story i’m reading now, w/c i initially picked up as a manhwa but i’m impatient so i switched to the novel. it’s called the hunter is gonna lay low or the hunter wants to live quietly. it’s such a gem! cause it starts of pretty simple and funny then the author manages to put in the plot and well, it’s plotting. lol.

if you like systems/dungeons, cast of characters, time travel, mystery and the most delicious slow burn then this is for you. i hope this gets animated at some point cause it’s so good! 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼 this is the only novel on the list so it’s pretty special that the story led me to WANT to read the source.

i’m literally listing what i’ve read so yeah. and pretty much a v short reaction to it cause there is a lot (53). it’s a mix of ongoing and completed works at the time of writing and when i read it so i’ll mark that too.

1. Sweetie, Sweetie, Sweetie - this title is so misleading cause you would think it’s a modern story full of sweetness when it’s not. this deals with kingdoms/royalty, superpowers — and isekai.

2. How my Daddies Became mates (completed) - first foray into mangas because i most prefer manhwa/manhuas — i know, sacrilege. but yeah, it’s a cute story of two dad telling their kid how they met and fell in love. It’s so wholesome! a short read when you feel tired of all the toxic bl stories. 😂😂😂

3. Unintentional Love Story (completed) - pick this up! it’s so good! slice of life kind of vibe and falling in love in a small town.

4. Someone like You (completed) - this was something i started before and went back in now that it’s completed.

5. Isekai no Sata Wa shachiku shidai - i don’t really go for Mangas but this one pulled me in! I love myself some isekai plot. it’s just sad that no one has updated the translation for so long so that may put some people off in picking this up.

6. Bend over Backwards (completed) - corporate slave x international model. if you like this kind of dynamic then go ahead. Only 40 chapters plus a bunch of side stories so this kind of thing is a good choice.

7. Dinner with a Vampire - pretty obvs with the title.

8. Mister Wonderful teases me

9. Romance but not Romantic - omegaverse! the kind where the omega needs the alpha but initially hated him.

10. Be, Be. - omegaverse with modern royalty!

11. Smoky Nectar 1 - a short read that continues to a part 2 and it’s good ✌🏼

12. Smoky Nectar 2

13. Reincarnated to Devil King Evelogia’s World - this is so uniquely unhinged that it became. endearing. No. I swear. I haven’t read anything like it. I love it tho. Maybe some people will find it over the top but it’s now one of my personal faves.

there’s an animated version of it if you wanna start with that just to see how cute they are lol.

14. Bullying the Dog - an MC who didn’t get much love then he meets the ML who shows him what it’s like. it’s so somft.

15. Bittersweet Martini (completed) - i’m gonna cheat here and copy/paste the first comment on this story cause i think it perfectly describes the story: “If you're looking for a casual pleasure read with a green flag story with heavy flirting, which leads to a lot of blushing but also deals with a more serious topic towards the middle, without leaning too much into the drama, then look no further.”

16. Over the Paradise - guideverse with zombies!

17. Hero vs Villain - what happens when the supposed hero and villain become friends and fall in love? this was so nice!

18. Night of London - vampire and werewolf pairing! come on! Let’s gooooo! 🙌🏼

19. Kill my love - omegaverse and assassins!

20. Turning - Another work that i would most likely pick up the novel version cause it’s that good! Regression theme! ❣️plus the setting is they are in a kingdom where people have powers.

21. The Moon is coming to me - I have already talked bout this before and it’s one of my absolute faves! I didn’t know the Manhua was released! So i was so happy to enjoy it in that form. The translation for this is very close to the end so pick it up!

22. Cozy Obsession - transmigration where the MC knows how the story goes so he is trying his best to change the ending.

23. Summertime (completed) - one of my favorites! love it when friends become lovers and some may say the ML here is manipulative but i wanna say in a good way. lol. anyway, it’s classic, atleast from the MC’s side that you’ve known this person some time and that summertime everything has changed.

24. My way with you (completed) - gonna cheat again with this one by pasting here what someone commented: “LISTEN UP GUYS this one has everything: healthy happy relationship, supportive friends, trauma and healing, mysterious past connections, beautiful men, hot af smut, 100% consent, cutest lovey dovey couple, NO drama, NO “misunderstandings”, NO second ml, NO annoying interfering side characters. You will cry, but because it’s just so good.” 💯

25. Netkama Punch - i haven’t finished and progressed much as i would like tho i know a lot of people have this as their favorite! I will get back to it! The premise of hidden identity and online gaming is one of my fave so i will surely pick this up again.

26. Through the Years - i haven’t finished this yet but it’s a lot of people’s fave

27. Fools (completed) - disillusioned guy meets excitable puppy 🤍

28. Moonquake (completed) - a very unique concept. people on earth have powers and then some of them decided to rebel and live in the Moon. Our MC is one of the best ones on earth and is supposed to bring down the leader of the rebellion. but you all know what happens, they fall in love! AHHHHH! and i have to say the art in this too is exceptional.

29. Men’s wear store and the Royal Princess (completed) - this may be weird for some or slow / not enough action lol. i enjoyed it tho! the MC cross dresses and finds someone who loves and accepts him!

30. Ex Hot Neighbor (completed) - a story that centers around a misunderstanding! MC thinks he can’t date the neighbor cause he’s his friend’s ex. but nope!

31. Forest Sea (completed) - A good and solid fantasy story. Please give it a try! The whole birds vs snakes thing was kinda weird at first but the author made it work.

32. When you were asleep - this hasn’t been updated in a while and it’s so sad because the art is topnotch! the plot is good too, especially the dreamscapes but there’s still a lot to discover cause we wanna know what happened in the past. Why is MC even having these dreams and all that.

33. Beum & Go’s Unholy…. - still ongoing and read few chapters

34. Spring, the color of love (completed) - what a wonderful story. Oftentimes, as a reader, you have that sense of boundary with the narrator. But this one — you can feel and understand what the MC is thinking and going through. even tho i haven’t experienced what he did, i can totally get it. this is one of those tropes where they fall in love during their school years and some misunderstanding happens, they meet again years later and try again. something i would love to re-read even if there are parts of it that hurt. and it’s just proof that if something is meant to be, it will come back to you.

35. Keep Holding On (completed) - a short and sweet read with friends to lovers trope!

36. Wolf in the House (completed) - i am so late with this cause i feel like every list has this story as one of the best. I have to agree! it’s so good! tho i have to say i’m more attached to the second pairing. this one is a perfect mix of fantasy, action, comedy and romance. A solid recommendation!

37. Touch within the Abyss (completed) - AAAAAHHHHHH! a hitman x blind cinnamon roll! read it now! please! it’s so sweet! their love and care for each other is so pure 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹

38. 99% in love season 1 (completed) - from bestfriends to lovers in the cutest way! they start fake dating and it leads to more obvs.

39. 99% in love season 2 - their college life and this one has smut scenes!

40. Alpha Trauma ( novel ongoing ) - if you know Omega Complex then you might be aware that this is a sequel of sorts but follows the second lead’s love story if you may. Everyone loves Dohyun so i’m one of those happy readers who is happy that he gets his own story, tho the POV in this is not his but his Omega. If you like ABO and campus setting then this may be for you.

41. Soul Sealer’s school life - The MC is the soul sealer who has to do good deeds to prolong his life, then he meets the ML who has a strong spirit in him. It’s a perfect blend of fantasy, comedy and not so much romance as of the moment. The art is 💯 and i really like to see where this goes!

42. Guidance with Benefits - still ongoing and read few chapters

43. Chiguha Kuna Kisu (completed) - if you like a short read that will make you have overall good vibes then this is it. school setting, two cute boys, a fortunate miscommunication and starting a relationship. it’s so good and made me want to look for more mangas! 🤍

44. Spicy Milk Candy - yandere but in a good way. that’s all i’m gonna say.

45. Ruby Red wo Kamikudaku (completed) - i’m just gonna add the summary below but it’s truly a unique read!

Akane is an Omega who can see people's pheromones as multicolored "crystals”. During his school days, when he was lonely because of his peculiar constitution, he meets Makise, a school nurse teacher. 5 years later, they are miraculously reunited, but Makise has a secret

46. Yume Nara Doko Made Yurusaremasuka (completed) - corporate slave x young policeman. 6 chapters of sweetness!

47. Sparkling Baby (completed) - this is supposedly a sequel for the second lead, but i haven’t read the first story. I just love how the MC/ML first met and then made a mark on each other as strangers — but it wasn’t there time yet. and so they meet again later and navigate their lives together. What attracted me to this story is how the MC changed because of love. For years, he had this sense of what he think is love and looking back, maybe it didn’t work out because love isn’t supposed to be like that. What he found with the ML is real and why it feels different.

48. Ashita kimi no mono ni shite (completed) - this so wholesome! school setting and friends to lovers. quiet boy x cool guy

49. Koibitu Keiyaku chu ni suki (completed) - friends to lovers! fake dating. and well, look at them. so precious together:

50. Camboy Bunny (completed) - i think the title says it all. A delicious read!

51. Beyond the Memories - AAAAAHHHHHHH! the story in itself should be sweet and fluffy but the author manages to squeeze in the undercurrent of there is something wrong. as a reader, there is something big that we don’t know and once it comes out — all of it will be shattered. it looks like there is some sort of regression and MC doesn’t know this but the ML does. The question here is when his memories will come back and will he forgive the ML. We are not in that part yet with what’s available right now so i’m excited!

52. Private Call (completed) - another omegaverse.

53. Senza Replica - guide/esper. very few chapters out and something i will go back to.

I read everything except the novel at BATO. 🫶🏼 covering my may-october 2024 reads.

[ripplestitchskein]

Thinking about this anti idea that the show switched gears on them. I don’t understand it. I’ve never understood it. I’ve already talked about how it’s pretty clear from the writing and show setup in the first few episodes what the focus would be but what baffles me is that it’s also just not true that the character’s issues are purely centered on and only expressed via the romance aspect. They are pretty good at applying the character’s issues to all aspects of their lives and interactions. Especially with Blitz because he is the main character.

Blitz, to put it simply hates himself, plain and simple. We all know this. He creates scenarios to force others to see him as he sees himself. He is a textbook case of someone who self sabotages due to extreme self loathing. He’s not sabotaging his work or his life in general though. We can see Blitz is hardworking, he is ambitious, he has his life together from a material perspective. He had a roof over his head, clothes on his back and food in his fridge. He provides these material things for a whole other person as well.

Where Blitz self sabotages is his relationships. It’s made clear from early on in the show it’s NOT just romantic relationships, it’s ALL of them. Blitz targets what he thinks will drive people away the fastest. I need it to be super clear that he does this to everyone and its ongoing even if sometimes it’s less prevalent. The show is about Blitz and Stolas, whether you like it or not they were the two characters who were focused on in the first few episodes. And the plot is driven by their issues and always has been, what gets disregarded in these arguments that the show is only about Stolitz now is how we see these issues manifest outside of the romance aspect of the show consistently and regularly just maybe not in entire episode long plots, it’s a through line.

With Moxxie Blitz insults him, he makes comments to make him uncomfortable. He targets little insecurities he has with himself. As we’ve gone along and they’ve developed he does this less, he compliments him more, he gives him responsibility. I think we see a good subtle example of Blitz’s influence in Moxxie on Full Moon. The Welcome to Hell, Bitch line was pure Blitz. His comfort with saying “So fuck him good sir”. These are the kinds of little things that slowly and carefully drive the changes in their relationship.

For Moxxie and Millie as a couple he inserts themselves into their relationship. He makes sexual jokes about them both. He mentions having a threesome with them. He follows and stalks them. It’s an odd and imo off putting behavior, one I think we’ve theorized about a lot and that’s lead to some interesting takes on his character and his view of monogamy in general. I don’t agree or disagree on the reasonings, I don’t have any info to make an informed decision on it but after Apology Tour it was kind of cemented for me that this behavior was also a pretty effective way to test them and drive them away. They are a very loving and committed couple, if I were a serial self sabotager faced with pushing away a couple to prevent them from getting too close, what is the best way to drive them away for good? Obviously, be the toxic third, have them join the Blitz Exes. He’s not going to admit that’s what he’s doing of course, so he approaches it in earnest like he does most things he is deluding himself about. Go all in on denial.

Blitz only ever tests the fence about them though, he never makes any serious moves on it, and he has largely stopped doing it at all after Chaz and Ozzie’s. I think that episode, how he felt after sleeping with Chaz, was the turning point for him when it came to them. It remains to be seen though.

I think GhostFuckers will be the place to explore it if there is anything left to explore about that. We seem to be getting a Millie based flashback and that might shed some additional light.

What also saves Moxxie and Millie from the full force of his self sabotaging behavior is that there is a built in buffer by them being his employees. He always has a way to keep them at arm’s length if there is a power dynamic he can fall back on.

With Loona she is a very closed off, anti-affection person. With her, the tact Blitzø takes is give her too much attention and show too much love. Smother her in affection no matter how many boundaries she sets and how much she protests about it. In Queen Bee he’s too in his head over Stolas to bother with that, and it’s sadly probably the most in sync they’ve ever been until the end. I pointed it out before but in Full Moon Blitz treats Loona very differently. He imitates her and actually snaps back at her when she says Stolas is dropping him, it was a very different interaction than earlier episodes and I think another subtle sign that how he feels right now is changing him and he’s making efforts. He hasn’t simpered at her for awhile. And he obviously is giving her a more active role in the day to day.

These are ongoing threads and they are all part of of the larger picture of Blitz’s growth and change. Just because a romantic relationship is helping drive that change doesn’t meant other things aren’t, or that the only changes or growth we see are only about the romance.

The fact that that there are two episodes focused entirely on Fizz speaks for itself.

[xsherewrytesx]

↳ Toji Fushiguro x f! black reader

summary. You and Toji were broken up for 8 months+. Your constant pressure for him to improve led to frequent fights, driving him to spend more time at the mechanic shop and racing than with you. Despite knowing you meant well, the strain became too much, and Toji eventually ended the relationship.

genre: heavy angst, modern au, 18+, explicit smut

fic warnings. ooc, profanity, mental health issues, toxic relationships, cheating, explicit smut, drug use, mentions of depression + more to be updated as story progresses.

Please read with proper discretion. this is a work of fiction. all characters are written to portray roles that are necessary to the plot and are in no way a reflection of their canon counterparts.

 one + two + three + four + five + six + seven + eight 

status: ongoing

[junnieverse]

✧ — JUNNIEVERSE PRODUCTIONS

PRESENTS !

" spill your guts "

... Olivia Rodrigo's GUTS album

x ENHYPEN !

WELCOME 💌 : hi everyone, so this is officially my first ever series so thank you very much for being here. I am without a doubt in love with not only olivia's sour album but her guts album too that has been on repeat on my spotify every day. I soon grew inspired to write some oneshots for the enhypen members with songs from this album and I can only hope you all like them.

I also wanted to make sure that these songs gave off a vibe that linked to a certain member and I could easily think of a plot with that member and the song so it wasn't easy since I wanted it to all come out 'perfect' but albeit it was also really fun to immerse myself into these songs and write the stories so I just hope that you all enjoy my work.

I do want to give a small disclaimer too that this is ofcourse pure fictional work and I do not in any way perceive the members to be as toxic or have any traits like how they are in these stories. (Y/n) isn't much of a saint either in a few of these but they are simply a wounded character. Don't hate the character, hate their actions (well maybe we can tomato this toxic enha /hj).

once again, thank you all so much, I appreciate your support greatly :)

— this is mars signing out !

PAIRING : enhypen x reader

GENRE : angst , slightly suggestive , very little to no fluff

WARNINGS : toxic enhypen , mentions of infidelity , mentions of alcohol/drinking , swearing , mentions of insecurities , possibly suggestive language being used , etc

STATUS : ongoing

TAGLIST : open

(either comment or send an ask to be added, no dms pls)

✧ — [ 6 / 7 ] members completed !

✦ track 01 : logical

⨾ featuring yang jungwon

— you had known from the beginning that your relationship with jungwon was far from perfect, many would simply put it as toxic because of how manipulative he was but you were too blinded by love that all the lies and deceit felt meaningless. it was too late before you realised how dysfunctional it all was, love wasn't logical after all.

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 02 : making the bed

⨾ featuring lee heeseung

— he was unattainable and yet you still wanted him. pretending to be someone you weren't putting yourself in difficult positions simply for his attention. with every move you made, it seemed you were digging yourself a deeper hole for a one sided love and through it all you were losing not only the people who cared about you but yourself.

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 03 : the grudge

⨾ featuring park jongseong

— "forgive and forget" they'd say, if only they knew it wasn't that easy. jay was one of the people you trusted the most and he only betrayed your trust, no matter how much you tried to forgive him, you knew it would take alot of strength to heal from what he put you through and letting go of the grudge you held against him would be a long journey.

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 04 : get him back !

⨾ featuring sim jaeyun

— despite having ended things with jake you were conflicted between hating the man and loving him all in one. you missed all the happy memories between the two of you but it was even harder to forget all the hurt he put you through. revenge is best served sweet, maybe it's time you get him back!

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 05 : bad idea right ?

⨾ featuring park sunghoon

— you were completely over sunghoon, no feelings for him whatsoever... or atleast that's what you would tell your friends. he was no good for you and yet no matter how many other guys came your way, sunghoon was the only one on your mind, maybe reconnecting as 'friends' would be fine, it wasn't a bad idea... right?

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 06 : love is embarrassing

⨾ featuring kim sunoo

— you felt like a complete fool. you told everyone he was 'the one' but seeing sunoo with someone else hit you like a truck. it was humiliating having to deal with the fact that you so easily fell for him and yet he had his eyes set on someone else. you knew you had to let him go and yet you were still holding on onto false hope.

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

✦ track 07 : vampire

⨾ featuring nishimura riki

— the ever so loved and popular ni-ki, cherished and adored by everyone for his fame and popularity and yet here you were laughing bitterly at how naïve and blinded you were by him. he would tell you how much he loved you but it had already been too late before you realised how he used you to get where he was, draining everything in you like a vampire.

ꗃ you can read it [ here ]

[oasisdew]

~~Given sequel and what we've got so far~~

We've gotten only two(2) chapters of the sequel so far and I personally think, the stage for the next arc is already set.

Given does follow a pattern in story-telling if you pay attention to it. And it does address one issue a couple (the main two couples) at a time meticulously.

The first arc was about RitsuMafu, and the plot was Mafuyu falling in love with Ritsuka and being forced to face his trauma from his ex's suicide and doing whatever was needed to move on from it, taking first steps towards healing.

Likewise the second arc was about AkiHaru, and the plot was Akihiko realising the extent of his feelings for Haruki and being forced to face his trauma of being in a longterm abusive relationship and doing whatever was needed to break free from the toxic cycle he was stuck in.

The third arc got a bit complicated with Hiiragi being mixed in the equation of RitsuMafu. Hiiragi introduced the problem that RitsuMafu were to face and got a subplot of his own (that's also still ongoing).

But essentially the third arc can be seen as divided in two parts the two parts that the two movies are covering. 1) 'Hiiragi_mix' as in the first part where Hiiragi (and Shizusumi) successfully did recreate the traumatic experience for Mafuyu again to face knowingly or unknowingly. And 2) 'to the sea' where RitsuMafu had to face that situation and prove the strength of their love and mettle of their characters to overcome the challenge.

But more importantly the main objective of that arc was Mafuyu getting full closure, not only from Yuki, but from the effects of trauma and grieving and the guilt that comes with it. As well as having to face the issues that traumatic experience gave him, as in his doubts about expressing himself, his doubts about his own worth as opposed to what he brings to table musically for Ritsuka, his hesitation of letting go of Yuki fully etc. These were all the issues that his previous relationship gave him. The unsurity of it all and the persistent feeling of fear of doing something wrong again with the everpresent feeling of perpetual shame and guilt for forgetting a person who for sure for a period of time he thought of as essential for his own existence. There's also been hints of his complex regarding Hiiragi specifically. Hiiragi is always being described as charismatic. Everyone thinks so. He has 'star quality' which Mafuyu probably fears(feared) he lacks. Yuki forming a band with Hiiragi wasn't easy for Mafuyu to take. Not in a toxic way, but in a deeply insecure way. We see him reacting oddly to Ritsuka praising Hiiragi in any capacity. Trying to not feel pressured by it, wanting more of Ritsuka's attention to himself. Literally fidgeting.

Then the same Hiiragi's band won CAC against 'given' and right after that Ritsuka joined 'syh'.

To Mafuyu it probably felt like Ritsuka leaving the loser band and vocalist Mafuyu for the winner Hiiragi. Ritsuka admitted it himself, Hiiragi was cooler than he imagined. Hiiragi successfully intrigued Ritsuka too. And Ritsuka was won over by him because Mafuyu wasn't enough. He needed to sing, and he couldn't.

(And then they metaphorically did throw him in the sea too. It was awful but I digress 😑)

But anyway, all these issues, insecurities, the culmination of it ALL as well as all the stages of grieving for Mafuyu, they were all masterfully handled in the last arc. Or second RitsuMafu arc.

Now that brings us to the second AkiHaru arc and like it or not, just like how Mafuyu had to grieve properly and find closure from all his remnant issues from his previous relationship and childhood, Akihiko will also have to face the issues he is still carrying from his last relationship. The gaslighting that he endured, the misplaced guilt that he probably still feels, the fear of doing something wrong again to fuck it all up for himself and Haruki and probably the band too.

And believe it or not, we have already seen the seeds of it. Also, I personally think Ritsuka will be the catalyst of Akihiko's arc this time and we are gonna get the Ritsuka arc either mixed with Akihiko's one this time or right after.

Now let's see what we got thus far.

1) AkiHaru LDR. Akihiko's ring and them living separately even in Tokyo as well as Akihiko's little show of flirtation to get Haruki flustered.

All of these point to something that I'm sure most of the fandom is vaguely aware of but can't put their finger on surely.

I personally think these point to the issues Akihiko brought from his experience of being the victim in an abusive relationship.

LDR is simply him choosing to not sacrifice his music for the sake of his relationship. He learnt from his previous relationship that that's not the way he gets to retain himself much less his relationship.

The ring is the symbol of his clinginess, or his innate urge to belong. To belong to someone. But with that also comes his fear of binding Haruki unfairly to himself. His need to be clingy to Haruki is constantly at odds with his fear of somehow being codependent or worse still, making Haruki codependent on him. So he himself is donning a ring and showing it off but he doesn't want Haruki to, especially if Haruki doesn't by his own accord. Haruki didn't show him his own need to belong to Akihiko, he simply asked, (with a strange look on his face too if I may add) if he should also wear a ring, and Akihiko declined. No matter how dramatic he tried to make himself sound to Mafuyu that's the root cause of it.

Akihiko living separately even when in Tokyo too also probably comes from the same fear and deep rooted issues. He was at the receiving end of such a relationship once and it was excruciatingly painful for him. His ex leaving the country for months and then coming back to only have sex for a few days with him(and then kicking him out but he had been gaslighted to think all of those as his faults so we no talk about it yet) while he was stuck in a place full of memories and yearning for those times to come back again and feel the love and happiness...he doesn't want any of those to happen to Haruki. He knows living alone is better than living with memories.

So on one hand he is desperate to bind himself to Haruki, donning the ring, going broke just to see Haruki every week, still bringing Haruki coffee, on the other hand, he is trying to set Haruki as free as he possibly can. Living separately, not making him wear the ring.

He is also still an insecure jealous mess when it comes to Haruki. It started with the second chapter of given and it's still going on. Akihiko wants Haruki's attention to himself all the time. He also needs to know that he still is desirable to Haruki and that comes from his abandonment issues. His parents as far as he is concerned didn't want him the moment he became a liability and don't even let me start on his ex. So being able to make Haruki flustered still is important to him. the assurance that he is still needed and desired and it's not all been just a whim on Haruki's part, or if it were indeed a whim, it's still there as strong as it was the first day, Akihiko needs to be reassured of it from time to time.

In contrast, I know that most of the fandom will disagree with me but, Haruki's issues are nonconsequential at this point. Is he probably sad to see Aki go? He obviously is. He also is possessive with his 'insect repellent' comment and seeing Akihiko instantly changes his whole demeanor. But Haruki is essentially in his essence this chapter. Thinking and planning and working. Missing Akihiko is inevitable but I don't think it's death sentence for Haruki. A large part of what Haruki possibly feels in this situation we see from Ritsuka's POV which is a trick Kizu uses frequently to mislead readers. Ritsuka is projecting high key. He and Haruki are fundamentally different. So he should be treated as an unreliable narrator here.

I think the difference between how Ritsuka and Haruki work is that Ritsuka can be at ease knowing that Mafuyu is at home safe and he himself has Mafuyu to come back to while he goes work outside forgetting everything in the world.

But for Haruki, he considers himself to be the home and can wait for Akihiko to come back to him indefinitely as long as there's a promise of him coming back.

Which brings us to the issues of RitsuMafu or more specifically Ritsuka that's been shown in this chapter.

So the issue with 2) Ritsuka is that he has no issues. I know there are many fans who want Ritsuka to breakdown or cry etc but the truth is that Ritsuka has no problem except for his own tyrant king workaholic self.

In previous arc we did get some covers that made us question about Ritsuka's mental state. 👇🏼 The main one being the left one but the right one too.

It's more been the words written on the left cover that were vaguely worrying. For the first time we saw him thinking about Yuki and the fact that he had been a big part of Mafuyu's life. And I understand some fans being disappointed that we didn't see him ponder on it again.

But the truth is, Ritsuka is 1) too healthy an individual by nature and by nurture to constantly be worrying about things that he can't control. He'll always find a way to cope healthily whatever the outside world throws at him and he did find a way to get closure from Yuki the last arc, it was to help everyone Yuki left behind get closure from him. 2) If he really indeed has to confront Yuki then it'll come after he has worked on his own issues so we'll have to wait and see if that happens ever.

Now that being said Ritsuka also does have to confront and control his own self. As they say, even the best things can be too much. And Ritsuka always had been and right now (after ten years period) especially is under the danger of being too much. For himself and for others.

To put it simply, he is too good. Thinking of everyone and how to make them reach their full potential and thus pressuring himself and occasionally others especially the ones he loves.

This started ten years ago though. The inferiority complex of 'given' being thought of as inferior to 'syh', the guilt he felt leaving his own band to play for the rival band.

As well as his need to commit himself fully to things that he has committed once and his continuous need to challenge himself which doesn't let him go easy on himself a bit. His need to fix everything, every situation and his ability to do so ends up making him cornered more and more and it's been piling up.

There's also this thing that he is biased about 'given'. He considers it his 'own' band, while he feels responsible for 'syh' and isn't one to shrink from his responsibilities. He gives his 100% to make Hiiragi shine, he specifically does so because he knows Hiiragi's potential.

But that doesn't stop him from feeling guilt towards his own band and especially mafuyu.

Now here's the thing, Hiiragi is syh's vocalist while Mafuyu is Given's. And syh's style is populist style, it's not about quality, it's about taste and syh and Hiiragi appeals to public taste more.

In Ritsuka's own words, they are 'flashier' than 'given'.

And here comes the conflict for Ritsuka. He has truly no one else to blame for but himself. He has made Hiiragi a star and now he wants the same fame for his beloved aka Mafuyu. That's what they were arguing about.

He wants Mafuyu and 'given' to become even more popular. It's literally the conflict of interest and he is fighting himself on both sides.

Which brings us to Mafuyu at last. Mafuyu isn't buying this. And that's deeply satisfying and comforting. Mafuyu who once was scared of Hiiragi 'stealing' Ritsuka's attention, or being too charismatic now wants no part in competing with him. He isn't scared of Hiiragi's brightness anymore and is deeply secured in Ritsuka's affection to the point where he actively is fighting with Ritsuka about music and says that he doesn't need to stand out simply because it's not Given's style. It'll sound fake and fabricated he says. And I agree.

I think this is what Ritsuka's arc is gonna be about, at least for now. He's been putting himself on spot too much, he once had this realisation that just because something is popular with masses, it doesn't mean it sucks contrary to pretentious intellectual beliefs. All because of syh and Hiiragi.

He'll have to come back to his senses now and realise that on the other hand popularity isn't and can never be the criteria on how you create art. Given's style is simply different from what appeals to mass but that's what makes given unique.

[peoplesrazor]

Finally getting around to a follow up

Link to my first post.

When I first talked about this I ended the post by saying:

I might make another post in the future and touch on other stuff related to this. What Lily says about Amity breaking up with Luz because of her behavior. Whether the people around Luz should have confronted her more often and so on.

Finally getting around to that other post. Thanks to @risingphoenix87 for the reminder. This time I'm starting out knowing it's going to be a long post.

Heavy spoilers for The Owl House in this one.

First, I want to make a point I didn't in the last post. The reason I didn't is I was trying to "meet Lily where she stands," as it were and discuss the ideas she as she presented them. While I think that was a good approach over all to this video, it may have ended up sounding like I agreed with something I do not.

The idea I'm talking about is that of Luz's trauma response changing.

In this and other Owl House videos Lily claims Luz used to have a different, more proactive response to trauma, and that in season two that response changed.

I need to point out, I don't think that's true. Rereading my post, I realized I said her response changed because she did. That's not really what I meant. What I meant was her emotional responses changed, not what she's actually doing. Small, but important difference there.

To explain more clearly:

Luz is still pretty proactive. Even as she becomes more guilt-ridden and upset, she's still determined. She's still active. She's still at the center and the one the others are looking to for answers. Amity literally ends a pretty simple statement, that at least they'll all be together at the end of it, with the phrase "Right, Luz?" in the second episode of Season 3. (It's horrible timing, but that's plot convenience.)

What changed was Luz's response to failure. Think of all the times in Season one when the stakes were pretty low and Luz messed up. She what? Smiled sheepishly? Gave a nervous apology, maybe? Said oops! Didn't know that would happen, silly me? The kid set my second-hand embarrassment off the whole season.

Then something happened that raised the stakes and had real consequences. That led to Eda getting captured, nearly petrified, and losing her magic. That led to her only way home being destroyed.

Something that Luz blames herself for.

And season two just builds and builds on that. The stakes get increasingly higher. Luz puts more and more pressure on herself. She wants to make a new door. She wants to reassure her mother. She wants to stay on the isles. She wants people to listen to her about Belos. Just building and building, until she finds out she was actually part of Belos' plan all along.

So, yeah, Lily, girl's a little rattled.

Okay, now that I got that off my chest, onto the argument about confronting and breaking up with Luz.

I'm going to say Luz is dealing with Toxic Guilt. The link there is to the UK counseling directory's entry on the subject. They offer a lot of information on the subject and ways to help someone get through it.

Note some of the characteristics. Excessive self-blame. I helped Belos. Perfectionism. The first part of the in school hero speech. The way she scoffs at the word hero guts me. Self-punishment. The second part of that speech. The never been born part. Negative self-image. Oh my Gosh, Hunter, they're all going to hate me. Ongoing and persistent and Impact on well-being are literally just what's going on with her.

I don't think I have to point out that the website says nothing about just giving up on someone who is going through this. Granted, Lily says the others should be confronting her more, but she follows that up almost immediately by saying Amity should break-up with her. To me, the connotation is clear: just wash your hands clean of this one, time to move on.

I swear, Lily, the more I examine your media takes, the more I wonder about things I hear about your real life. I understand it can be difficult if it starts to become damaging to your own mental health, but there is no sign it's doing that with any of Luz's friends. Lily, if you just wash your hands of someone because they are going through something and aren't as fun to be around, they aren't the toxic one.

You are.

As for confronting Luz: Maybe. Maybe, if they were aware of the time in school when she indirectly wishes she'd never been born. I don't have any reason to believe they are, though. None of them are around and the teacher and other kids don't react much. It could be because she does kind of revert to that, sheepish, was I doing something strange? behavior after. Just the weird kid being weird in their minds.

If they'd seen that, sure ask her if she needs to talk or something. I'm sure Luz would just put them off. Say she's fine. Maybe they'd keep a closer eye on her. I can't see much more coming from such a talk, though.

I have a feeling you mean more than that. Like what? Give her an ultimatum? Shake her? Again, the others do show concern for her state. Her mother talked to her and comforted her when she came to her room to sleep. Amity wants to find the Titan's Blood before telling Luz because she gets that Luz was upset about their attempt at a portal door not working.

I'm not going to really entertain the idea of a breakup here. No reason to argue why it wouldn't happen. It's silly to think it should. Amity's reactions to Luz being down is normal, I think. It's fine that Amity is concerned about her. It's fine that she tries to be upbeat and thinks of fun couple costume ideas and such.

She cares about her and believes in her. So does everyone else.

Besides that, Luz is functioning. She's getting up every morning. She's getting dressed. Going to school. She helps the others trying to get a door to work. She goes out dancing with Amity in the rain. She seems to be eating, showering, etc. She goes with the gang to get new clothes. She agrees to Amity's couple costume and goes with the others to the Halloween event.

Heck, she's in the situation with Hunter at the graveyard, because she was helping Hunter with the "seeing Belos thing." She uses her Glyphs to find the Titan's Blood. She helps fight Belos when he possesses Hunter. She's the one that catches Flapjack and is ready to dive in to get Hunter before her mother does it instead.

Her mother has to move her aside, because she's still being proactive.

And after all that, after all that guilt and drama, it takes just the slightest bit of understanding from her friends, a little encouragement from her mother, and the tiniest of nudges from her girlfriend for her to agree to, at least, go back long enough to get her friends safely back to their families and possibly confront Belos.

She's not better. Not after her friends learn the truth and encourage her to keep fighting. Not after her first talk with her mother. Not after the second one that unlocks her Palisman. She's not ready to take the step of forgiving herself.

That's why she has the nightmare she does at the beginning of episode 3.

The Collector clearly is using things personal to the individuals he's playing with. Now, it might seem like he got info from other puppets, other sources, but I think he got information just from King, Eda, and Luz and used that as like a pool of metaphorical building blocks to construct their personal nightmares.

Take note. That room King wakes up in in his dream? Yeah, King never saw that room in the episode it was in. Luz did.

This also explains why Amity flubbed her line. Luz is absolutely right. Amity would know it was duel not battle. So, would Luz. Granted it could be Amity fighting back, but it sure looks like Luz realizing it's not her and messing with her by poking at her and so on that breaks her out. Like Luz realizing it wasn't real broke the dream for a bit.

If that's the case, he didn't get that info from either of them, and none of his other puppets would have read those books. Remember, Amity is literally the only other person to even buy one of those books. Only a handful of other people even know they exist.

So, who would have read those books but isn't an obsessed nerd who knows them word for word and might be young enough to not understand the difference between duel and battle?

King. He's read them. He says so at the end of Edge of the World, the same episode where Luz saw that room. The collector learned about the Azura books from King either before this game of nightmares, or while setting it up.

The above wasn't a random tangent. I'm trying to set up the thought that The Collector used knowledge he pooled from them collectively to build the world of his nightmare game, but zeroed in on their individual worst fears to play with them. The reactions of Luz's friends in her nightmare shows she's not yet ready to forgive herself and her fear that they either didn't, or at least shouldn't, have forgiven her so quickly.

See, you can get this kind of insight by actually paying attention to what a story is doing, rather than complaining about what it's not doing, Lily.

Luz is not ready to forgive herself and all the reassurances from her friends and family aren't going to do it for her. What does it take for her to reach that step?

Well, what was it that she wanted? What thing did she really want that finally brought her Palisman to life? To be understood?

And who understood making a large mistake while trying to help?

The Titan. He gave her the last nudge. Until then, she really felt like she was as bad as Belos. She even says as much. She can't really argue when he says all her negative feelings aren't true. He would know. He's gone through the same thing.

As always, my opinion.

Notice though, that she got through all that without any of her friends and family confronting her more often and without Amity breaking up with her. Neither of those things would have helped either, because neither is what she needed. They may even have made it worse.

Deep down, she may even have known what she needed on a sub-conscious level.

What was it she said to the The Collector?

"People are complex and sometimes they just need a little kindness and forgiveness."

Yeah.

[spleelover06]

Why I prefer Yo-Kai Watch over Pokémon

I have mentioned before that I prefer Yo-Kai Watch over Pokémon, and if you're interested in knowing why, here are the reasons why I do:

1: It's interesting how the YKW anime doesn't always just focus on the main protagonist as it also focuses on what some of the other characters and Yo-Kai do more. Pokemon pretty much focused too much on Ash Ketchum for over two decades despite having different friends from different regions. We mostly never get to see what Ash's friends are up to.

2: The side characters in Yo-Kai Watch don't get replaced every couple of years, and it feels like the crew behind the franchise actually gives a damn about their characters, unlike the Pokemon franchise, where they constantly and commonly introduce new characters and rivals and then replace them with new ones every now and then, which I did find pretty cool at first, but now it's gotten old and annoying, and I just wish they'd stop with that.

3: I find the Yo-Kai Watch fanbase to be more sane and less toxic, and it isn't around the same level of how toxic and annoying the Pokemon fanbase is, which is why I left it and also kinda regret being in it. The shippings in Yo-Kai Watch aren't really taken as seriously as the shippings in Pokemon, and there isn't really any shipping wars happening in the Yo-Kai Watch fandom, at least from what I've seen. Plus the fanbase behind the YKW games doesn't seem as bad either.

4: Yo-Kai have more personality and can make more noises and say far more than just their name, which makes it easier for me to know what each Yo-Kai is individually like.

5: The episodes in the YKW anime feel more of my style as I have always personally preferred episodic shows over shows with a lot of ongoing storylines and with the whole to be continued thing which I can find really annoying.

6: The Yo-Kai Watch games, to me, are more enjoyable than the Pokemon games are because there's more exploration to do, there's lots of content in both before and after finishing the game, the cutscenes don't really take up space during my time playing it and they are at least more interesting (especially since there are ones where they speak with voices), and the graphics, soundtracks and settings looks great to me.

7: The storylines in the games and anime are better, plus I find Nate to be a better protagonist than Ash. Nate acts more like a person in the real world with actual personality and it's interesting to see how he can see creatures that other people can't in a non forced way. This goes for Hailey Anne as well because both characters are quite relatable for people in the real world. Ash on the other hand just travels through participates in Pokemon leagues over and over again, and the show can mainly suffer from having him as the main character since it's mostly through his perspective, and the plots mostly involve him and even have him there even if he's just there not doing much (what's the point of even doing that?).

8: There aren't as much gender stereotypes used in Yo-Kai Watch as there is in Pokemon. What I mean by that is the fact that Ash's female come out as either girly girls that participate in stuff that makes them wear dresses and do elegant/graceful stuff with their stuff, or tomboys that want to accomplish something strongly just like Ash. Not only that but all of Ash's' companion's personalities and traits in Pokemon can blend into one-another, resulting in them lacking true individual personalities. Meanwhile in Yo-Kai Watch almost every character is shown to have their own personalities even if they share some traits with each other, showing that there are no gender stereotypes overused.

9: Yo-Kai Watch isn't afraid to leave the status quo like how Pokemon mostly is because we get to see Nate go through different challenges and plots as the series continues, while before season 25, the Pokemon series was too afraid of leaving the status quo to the point where they had to keep Ash going to different regions while keeping him at the age of 10 with Team Rocket stalking him. There are no excuses why they had to keep on doing that other than being afraid to leave the status quo.

10: There's no overuse of clichés in YKW, like Nate having feelings for Katie does not become so forced for example as well as how not every episode plot has the good ending we'd all sorta expect to happen. Heck, the premise seemed pretty original to me also. While in Pokemon, it's about a new trainer becoming a champion and/or Pokemon master overtime and encountering/defeating evil teams in every single region, and this is one of the reasons why I left the fandom. The whole premise just seemed really clichéd to me and it's something that the Pokemon anime was too afraid to change it up more until the horizons series came (I'd say it's more tolerable than the original anime).

And that's me done with explaining things out about why I think this way. I've tried to think the opposite of this when I was younger but I fully failed to do so and went back to my original thoughts on the two franchises. There's just too many Pokemon, games, seasons/episodes, movies, altered storylines and characters from the Pokemon franchise for me to give a damn about them while Yo-Kai Watch gives out all of that stuff in a way where they're not overdoing it and that makes the series more interesting. If you think the other way around, then I can handle that opinion of yours. This pretty concludes what I wanted to say here and I hope y'all understand what I felt like saying here. If you do, thanks.

[nanaminokanojo]

BAD NEWS | CHAPTER INDEX II (Part 65 onwards | Ongoing)

-just when you thought you were over your humongous crush on your older brother’s best friend, geto suguru, you couldn’t be more dead wrong, and maybe there isn’t really anything holding you back from acting on it now that you’re all grown up…except satoru doesn’t like suguru for you because he knows his kind all too well: a huge ass playboy who breaks hearts like he changes socks. but you think. MAYBE you’ll be the exception...maybe not.

CHARACTERS: drummer!geto suguru x (fem/afab) reader x guitarist!sukuna | gojo satoru | itadori yuuji | kugisaki nobara | fushiguro megumi | sukuna | fushiguro toji | nanami kento | choso | tsukumo yuuki | shoko ieiri | utahime iori

GENRE: full-length smau + prose | band au, tats, piercings, the whole shebang | college au | stupid pining | aged-up characters | friends to lovers (?) | this is gonna have smutty stuff because why not?

TW/CW: strong/mature language | adult content so mdni on some parts; just skip them. you’re not missing much | mentions of alcohol, drugs | mentions of cheating, promiscuity, mild dubcon (consent >>>), etc. | again, god-awful pet names i’d cringe at if a 3d person says it | toxic behavior | will add more if something arises

MASTERLIST | CHAPTER INDEX I

CHAPTERS: 65 | 66 | 67 | 68 | 69 | 70 | 71 | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75

76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81 | 82 | 83 | 84 | 85 | 86 | 87 | 88 | 89 | 90

ADDITIONAL NOTES: i will be using pics and other media which would fit situations and make the smau-ness of this piece a little more realistic and entertaining when i believe it’s appropriate/fitting to the plot. having said that, with regard to inclusivity, i just want to put it out there that they will not necessarily be aimed as the exact descriptions to fit a supposedly generic reader nor will they be representative of a specific race or color (even if you’re/the reader is gojo’s sister here). it’s all for the simple fact of media availability, for funsies and the fact that i don’t exclusively write in consideration of those aspects when using reader-insert characters unless i specify it. thank you for understanding.

© ORIGINAL WORK BY nanaminokanojo. CHARACTERS ARE INSPIRED BY GEGE AKUTAMI’S “JUJUTSU KAISEN”. [20240814]

PHOTOS/IMAGES/GIF/FANART/ANY MEDIA CREDITS GO TO THE RESPECTIVE OWNERS.

[blackswampotter]

Honestly, this is kind of a bummer

My take on this show was always that it was pretty much fine.

Nothing incredible, but average. Average with some legitimately good ideas and plot points sprinkled in.

And, given how many average shows get to move forward, I figured that would be the same here.

But, nope, no more Acolyte and it's weird how disappointed I am by that.

Yes, much of the dialogue was clunky. Yes, the pacing suffered in the way it suffers for many of these streaming shows. Yes, several of the characters were fairly forgettable.

But, in spite of all that, I did find myself curious enough to keep watching. I liked the mystery angle and the different perspectives on the same tragic event.

I liked Sol and wanted to see what he was hiding. I liked the way Mae and Osha swapped roles and I liked the cliffhanger endings they both got.

I wanted to see where those characters were going to go and now we won't get that. And, yeah, that's a little sad.

It also sucks because the action sequences in this show were genuinely great and many of the fights were just straight up better than the prequel duels.

They were more vicious, more intense, and shot with a sense of urgency and dynamism.

And, something I find really funny about that is that this show, in a lot of ways, was trying to give the toxic fanboy types exactly what they claimed they wanted:

Prequel level action, focus on the Jedi Order, something outside of the Skywalker Saga, a darker story with a more villainous perspective, etc...

All of that, and they still loathed it for a bunch of annoying reasons.

End of the day, if the viewership isn't there, it isn't there. I don't want to give the rage merchants too much credit, but I do think they managed to pretty effectively poison the well around the discussion of this show.

They made it miserable to talk about or share any excitement or interest in the show, so fuck it.

Honestly, I feel like this is a prime example of a Disney Plus show that should've just been made as a proper, feature film released in theaters.

Relying on streaming metrics for a show this expensive meant they really couldn't afford low viewership. Plus, it was the ongoing week after week discussion that allowed the aforementioned well poisoning to continue for so long.

I'll be shocked if we don't get a novel or comic book or something that continues the story.

But, I guess we'll see what happens. Might be funny to just never expand on what the fuck Plagueis was doing in that cave lol