#or that he has “serious mental health issues that should be checked”

[russell-crowe]

i deeply, deeply adore rhod but i am not going into the mines (the rhod tag) anymore

[iz-star]

About Zayne's nightmares...

The most unrealistic thing about Zayne is that he's a functional working adult that seemingly has put his life together at 27 not because he's young or a prodigy but because he's said to have nightmares since he was 12?? Like... I feel like this theme might be a bit overlooked but just think about it deeply, having constant nightmares fucks your mind like really REALLY bad, I can genuinely say this by experience and also as someone who has had trouble to have a healthy sleeping schedule since I was at highschool (like, for example, right now, I should be sleeping instead of writing this...).

There was a time I would have nightmares almost everytime I went to sleep during a really hard time in my life. Of course, the topic about those nightmares was almost always the same, not like the nightmares repeated themselves but they always revolved about the same things that I was actually working in therapy at the moment. Back then I was jobless and medicated most part of the time, I was pretty dysfunctional.

I suppose that's why when I listened to "Fragmented Dreams" for the first time it was the time I said "Yeah, this is my man". I love how he's always nagging MC about sleeping early because I know by experience that not sleeping properly can mess up with your mind pretty bad, and probably he knows it too. It truly is a showcase of love how he worries about her sleep like that and it also showcases how strong minded he is for enduring too much stress and remind kind constantly.

I love how healthy he is. I like to think that he's overcome all the stressful stuff he's gone thru bc of his discipline and healthy life style, but realistically it would take him some more to deal with all of that.

Yes, all of the guys have been through some very rough stuff and they all need therapy, but my point with Zayne comes with the fact that not having a good sleeping schedule and on top of that having constant nightmares can mess up with your perception of reality and induce you a bad depression or other mental health issues. Everytime I remember Zayne's main story branch when they're trapped in Zayne's dream and MC leaves him alone and he starts listening to Willian, Georgie and his Mom so he has to remind himself "It's not real, it's not real" I deeply feel that and I just want to hug him so bad :(

I think I'd like to see a card where they explore the consecuences of their past in their psyche more deeply. I can't help remembering this post which was one of the first posts you unlock with Zayne:

It was there when I just knew that even if he looked quiet, he had a lot to say but didn't know how to express.

Another thing I'd like to highlight about this is that actually I love the emotional maturity that Zayne displays about dealing with such issues like nightmares, traumatic experiences and literally being exposed to see people dying 24/7 while being someone that feels a lot yet says little. He's dealt with this the best way he can, no wonder why he came to be quite serious and inexpressive or sarcastic. Not allowing himself to express other emotions than seriousness or sarcasm was like keeping himself in check so he wouldn't spill everything he feels and considering how stressing is his job already, it just makes sense, but that didn't mean Zayne didn't feel because he feels too much and too deeply and worries sick about ppl and especially about MC.

Of course, bottling up his emotions wasn't the best way to deal with them but he never used any unhealthy coping mechanism neither, like alcohol, for example (My teetotaler King ❤️) etc. Yeah, his workaholism isn't exactly healthy but not something toxic to his mind and relationships, and I've always had a feeling that he's a big foodie and addicted to sweets to give himself that boost of serotonine he needs so bad.

That's why he compares MC with sweets, being her his favorite dessert, bc she's brought all that serotonine to his life naturally and has helped him let go little by little. When he opened to her about losing Dulcie, I had a feeling that Zayne always wanted someone to listen to him but he didn't know how to ask for it and ppl around him was too afraid to even dare to suggest it. I think even in one of his anecdotes, it is said that sometimes Dr Noah wanted to tell him something but at the end ended up saying nothing.

The fact that Zayne bottled up his emotions didn't mean that he wouldn't willingly share them, he wanted to but wasn't used to it. With MC, he's slowy started to let it go and enjoy life more, allowing himself to be sad in front of her, to express his fears (about losing her) or to express his childish tantrums and indulge in his softest side. That's why also she's not only his favorite dessert but also his best painkiller ❤️

And just to finish, I've always thought this quote by Kafka fits him so well:

"Remember, you should sleep more than other people, for I sleep less than most. And I can’t think of a better place to store my unused share of universal sleep than in your beloved eyes."

[sherewrytes]

𝔹𝕣𝕠𝕜𝕖𝕟 ℙ𝕚𝕖𝕔𝕖𝕤, ℝ𝕪𝕠𝕞𝕖𝕟 𝕊𝕦𝕜𝕦𝕟𝕒 6

↳ Sukuna x f! black reader

Summary: After the death of his grandfather, Sukuna Ryomen is left to shoulder the weight of his family, caring for his younger brothers, Yuuji and Choso. As he withdraws into grief, his relationship with Y/N, his girlfriend of a year, begins to crumble. When Y/N discovers the truth about his grandfather’s passing during a heated argument, it leads to a painful breakup. Now, both are navigating life apart, but Sukuna’s heart aches for Y/N. Determined to win her back, he must confront his pain and find a way to break through the walls he’s built. Can he rekindle their love, or is it too late?

contents: heavy angst, modern au, 18+, smut, dark romance, drug use, talks of depression and similar topics. (a lil )

fic warnings. ooc, profanity, mental health issues, toxic relationships, cheating, explicit smut, serious drug use, mentions of depression + more to be updated as story progresses.

Please read with proper discretion. this is a work of fiction. all characters are written to portray roles that are necessary to the plot and are in no way a reflection of their canon counterparts.

Taglist: @for-hearthand-home@clp-84@thelightknight21@favvkiki  @helightknight21 @dylsw @ria-s-writes @sleepymothafterhours 

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Here is another chapter cause I'm still writing out the other fics right now :)

Previous

Chapter 6: The Weight of Loss

Y/N’s POV

It’s almost comical how different my life feels when I’m at school compared to when I’m at home. At Pratt, I’m a student, focused, and driven, with an entire future ahead of me. The campus is buzzing with the usual energy—students chatting, the sound of sketch pads flipping, the hum of distant studio lights. But the weight of everything outside these walls presses down on me more with each passing day.

It’s been weeks or days since the breakup with Sukuna.The loss of our relationship feels longer than the time we actually broke up but it feels like the echo of it still reverberates in everything I do. I’m trying to push forward, trying to act like I’m okay, but the reality is… I’m not. I haven’t been okay for a while.

The work in front of me should be enough to distract me. Finals are coming up, and my portfolio still feels like it needs a hundred more hours of attention before it’s anywhere near perfect. But I can’t stop my mind from drifting back to that night—his touch, his voice, the way he looked at me when he left, the pain in his eyes I couldn’t fix.

I sit in one of the studio rooms, surrounded by scraps of fabric and sketches, trying to focus on the design I need to complete for my final project. My hand trembles as I draw out another silhouette. It’s difficult to concentrate, especially when my phone buzzes on the table.

I don’t even need to look to know if it's from Utahime. She’s been checking in on me regularly. She doesn’t understand everything, but she knows enough to ask if I’m okay.

I pick up my phone, hesitating for a moment before responding. Yeah, I’m good. Just a lot of work to get through.

It’s a lie, but I don’t want to burden her with the truth. Everyone has their own problems, and I don’t want to be the one who drags them down.

I scroll through the texts, my heart dropping when I see a message from Toji. It’s just a short note, nothing particularly alarming. Sukuna's in the hospital. He’s okay, but he had a breakdown. You might want to check on him.

I read it three times before I let it sink in.

Sukuna’s in the hospital.

I bite my lip, the sting of old wounds coming back. What’s going on with him? Why does everything feel like it’s falling apart? I don’t even know how I feel anymore. I spent so much time loving him, fighting with him, then pushing him away, only for him to spiral deeper into whatever this is. And now, he’s in the hospital… alone?

I don’t even have the right to care, do I?

I put my phone down, my hands running through my hair as I try to make sense of it all. What should I do?

There’s a knock at the door, and I look up, startled. Utahime enters with a cup of coffee in her hand. She smiles when she sees me but then stops when she notices the look on my face. She doesn’t even need to ask.

“Something’s wrong,” she says gently, placing the coffee down in front of me.

I swallow hard, my throat dry. “Sukuna’s in the hospital,” I say quietly. The words feel so surreal coming out of my mouth.

Utahime doesn’t speak for a moment, just nods, as if she knew this might happen. “You’re thinking about going, aren’t you?” she asks, her voice soft.

I shake my head, my chest tightening. “I don’t even know what I’d say to him, Utahime. I—” I stop, the emotions threatening to spill over. “He played with my feelings, and I let him. I gave him everything, and now... now look at us.”

She sits next to me, her presence comforting. “You don’t have to go to him if you’re not ready,” she says, her hand gently brushing mine. “But don’t ignore what your heart is telling you. Sometimes it’s easy to get lost in anger or pride, but if you care about him, and you think he needs you—maybe you should go. Just to know he’s okay.”

I stare at the coffee in front of me, the steam rising gently. I feel so torn. Part of me wants to throw it all away and run to him, to make things right, but the other part is terrified of what that would mean.

“I’m just… so tired, Utahime. Tired of trying to fix everything,” I admit, my voice barely above a whisper. “And I don’t think I can keep doing this. I don’t want to keep getting hurt.”

She leans back in her chair, giving me space. “You don’t have to fix him. You just have to decide what’s best for you. It’s okay to care about him, but it’s also okay to take a step back. You don’t owe him anything.”

I nod slowly, but the weight in my chest doesn’t lift. If anything, it feels heavier.

As much as I want to ignore the message, as much as I want to pretend everything’s fine and keep moving forward, I know deep down that the story isn’t finished yet. But the question is, how do I make peace with it? How do I let go of the part of me that still wants him in my life?

I guess I’m going to have to figure it out, even if it hurts.

I stare at the message from Toji, my thumb hovering over the reply button. I could feel the tension building in my chest, the pull to cave in and see him, to check on Sukuna, to offer whatever comfort I could. But I can’t. I won’t.

I text back quickly, trying to keep my answer as firm as possible, even though doubt gnaws at me. Yes. I’m sure.

I put my phone down and take another sip of the coffee Utahime bought for me. The warmth soothes me, but it’s not enough to quell the rising discomfort I feel. Maybe I’m running away from something I should confront, but every time I think about him—about everything that happened—my chest tightens. I know I’m not ready to face him.

Mei Mei sits beside me, her usual confident and laid-back demeanor a welcome distraction. She smiles at me, her eyes bright despite the obvious tension in the air. “I heard you’ve been dealing with some drama,” she teases, nudging my shoulder playfully. “You always seem to attract it, huh?”

I laugh, but it’s hollow. “Yeah, it seems like it. Just trying to get through finals without any more drama.”

She leans back in her chair, clearly not convinced. “If you say so, but I’ve known you long enough to know when something’s bothering you.” She raises an eyebrow. “You’re not fooling anyone. What’s going on?”

I set the coffee down, rubbing my forehead. Mei Mei’s known me for years. She doesn’t give up easily, especially when it comes to stuff I’d rather keep to myself.

“It’s… complicated,” I say, sighing deeply. “Sukuna’s in the hospital.”

Mei Mei’s expression softens. “Hospital? What happened?”

I explain the basics—the fallout from our breakup, his breakdown, and the fact that it seems he’s been spiraling for months. As I talk, it feels like I’m peeling back a layer of myself I’ve been trying to keep hidden.

“I thought I was doing the right thing,” I continued, my voice shaking slightly. “But now… I just feel like I made it worse.”

Mei Mei listens, her face serious. When I finish, she doesn’t say anything at first. She just looks at me for a long time, her eyes calculating, like she’s trying to figure something out.

“You can’t keep carrying his weight, Y/N,” she says gently, her tone softer than I expected. “He’s not your responsibility anymore. I get that you care, but sometimes stepping back is the healthiest thing you can do—for both of you.”

I nod, trying to hold it together, but her words sink deep into my chest. I know she’s right. If I keep going back to him, trying to fix things that aren’t mine to fix, I’ll just keep breaking myself in the process. But knowing that doesn’t make the choice any easier.

I reach for my phone again, checking for another message. There’s one from Toji.

Y/N, I know you’re upset. I get it. But you need to understand he’s really struggling. He’s not the same guy anymore. Please, just think about it. He’s not okay.

I feel the weight of the message, the silent plea in his words. It almost makes me want to go. But no. I made my decision.

I turn my phone face down, looking back at Mei Mei. “I’m done with it. I need to focus on my future. On me.”

She smiles, a little proud of me. “Good. It’s about time. You’re a strong woman, Y/N. Don’t forget that.”

I lean back in my chair, feeling the exhaustion from the last few months hit me all at once. Finals are coming, and I don’t have the luxury of letting my emotions run the show anymore. I have to finish this. For me.

But even as I sit there, I can’t ignore the small ache in my heart, the part of me that still cares, that wonders what could have been. For a fleeting moment, I let myself imagine a different reality, one where everything with Sukuna was easier, where we were happy and I didn’t have to make these impossible decisions.

But that’s not my reality. Not anymore.

Toji's POV

I stare at the screen of my phone, Y/N’s last text still lingering in front of me. Yes. I’m sure.

The words hit harder than I expected. I knew she wasn’t going to just drop everything and run to Sukuna, but hearing it from her directly… it stings. She’s shutting him out, and there’s nothing I can do to change it. Nothing any of us can do.

I glance over at Sukuna, still out cold in the hospital bed, his breathing steady for now. He’s been through hell these past few days, and I hate to admit it, but I’m worried. Despite all his bullshit, the bravado he puts up like a fucking wall, he’s broken. And it’s not just the aftermath of Jin’s death or the guilt he carries around like a fucking anchor. It’s more than that.

I thought, maybe if Y/N came, it would snap him back. But she’s not coming.

I let out a slow breath, running a hand through my hair. The room feels too quiet now, even with the constant beep of the heart monitor in the background. The silence between me and Sukuna is almost deafening, and I can’t shake the sense of impending disaster that hangs in the air.

I think about what Y/N said—how she couldn’t keep carrying his weight. And part of me gets it. She’s right. I told her before that Sukuna wasn’t the only one who needed to get his shit together, but I guess… I didn’t expect her to walk away. Not like this. Not after everything.

I can’t help but wonder what would’ve happened if we’d all handled this differently. If we had talked more, not let everything fester. Maybe she wouldn’t have had to make that decision. Maybe Sukuna wouldn’t be lying here, broken and lost. And I wouldn’t be standing here, feeling fucking useless.

Sukuna murmurs in his sleep, his hand twitching slightly, and I look back at him. He looks so different when he’s not putting on that mask. I can see the fear, the guilt, everything he hides away in his waking hours. It’s all on display when he’s vulnerable, like this.

He whispers something under his breath, and I lean in closer, straining to hear him.

“Y/N… I’m sorry…”

His voice cracks, soft and fragile. He doesn’t even know I’m here. Doesn’t know I’m watching him break down piece by piece. But I heard it. He said her name.

It’s fucking killing me to watch him like this.

I stand up, running my hand over my face, trying to shake off the weight of everything. I can’t do this. I can’t fix this. No matter how many times I try to tell myself that this is his fight, not mine, I can’t stop feeling like I’m responsible. We all are.

I check my phone again. Y/N hasn’t replied. I don’t expect her to. She’s made up her mind, and honestly, I don’t know what I would say if she did respond.

All I can do is sit here and wait, hoping that Sukuna pulls himself out of this hole he’s dug. He’s going to need all the help he can get, but I’m not sure I can even be that for him anymore.

I glance back at him one last time before walking out of the room. Whatever happens next is out of our hands. I just hope for his sake, he’s not too far gone to fix it.

I step out of the room, needing some space to breathe, even though the weight of everything is still pressing down on me. My phone buzzes again. Another message from Y/N. I don’t look at it. I can’t. Not right now.

The hallway feels emptier than usual, and I���m just about to sit down when I hear footsteps approaching. I glance up, already knowing who it is before I see their faces. Gojo’s impossible to miss, his presence like a fucking storm in the calm. And right behind him, Geto, walking with that same quiet intensity he always carries. They're holding bags in each hand, the smell of fast food wafting into the air.

Gojo gives me a lazy grin like he's just come back from a fun afternoon instead of dealing with a pile of shit that’s only getting worse.

“Got you something.” He waves the KFC sandwich in the air, the crispy fried chicken peeking out from the wrapper. “Figured you could use something real to eat. You’ve been looking like you’ve been living off hospital snacks.”

I glance at him, but I’m not in the mood for a joke. I just stare at the sandwich for a second before nodding. “Thanks.”

Geto just raises an eyebrow and slides a bottle of cold Coca-Cola into my hand. "It’s cold. Thought you could use a little sweetness with all this shit."

I didn't answer immediately. Instead, I take the sandwich, unwrap it, and take a small bite. The taste is oddly comforting, and for a moment, it feels a little bit of normal. But only for a second. My mind is still a million miles away, locked on Sukuna, on Y/N, on everything that’s been happening. I can’t seem to get a grip.

Gojo leans against the wall casually, clearly unaffected by anything going on, while Geto remains quiet, eyes focused like he’s waiting for me to crack. The silence stretches, uncomfortable in its own way.

"Is he awake?" Gojo asks, breaking the tension, his voice light but his eyes searching mine for an answer.

I take another bite of the sandwich and sigh, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. "Yeah, but he’s not really there. Talking in his sleep… saying her name. Y/N."

The mention of her name hangs in the air for a moment, and I watch as Gojo’s expression shifts slightly. He doesn’t show it often, but I know he can’t be completely oblivious to what’s happening. Not with how tightly he and Sukuna have been bound, even when things were rough.

“I’m sure he’s just… in his head,” Gojo says after a pause, trying to sound nonchalant but clearly struggling with his own thoughts. “He’s got a lot of shit on his plate.”

Geto’s expression hardens slightly. “He’s not the only one, Gojo. Y/N’s been through her own hell. She’s not just some side character in his story. It’s never been that simple.”

“Yeah, I know,” Gojo mutters, though he doesn’t seem entirely convinced by Geto’s words. He glances back at the door where Sukuna lies, still deep in his own turmoil. “We all know what happened between them. It’s fucked up, but that doesn’t change what he’s going through.”

The words cut through the tension like a blade. I swallow the rest of the sandwich, my stomach growing heavier with the implications of their statements. The more I think about it, the more it feels like we’ve all fucked up in our own ways. We’ve all allowed this to spiral out of control, and now, we’re left picking up the pieces.

“I get that he’s hurting,” I say, voice tight, “but what do we do now? What can we even do? She’s not coming, Gojo. She’s done.”

The words feel bitter in my mouth, even though I know they’re true. Sukuna has lost her, and there’s no going back.

Gojo and Geto exchange a look, the silence dragging on as the weight of the situation settles in. Gojo pops the cap off his own bottle of Coke, his eyes narrowing slightly.

“You just keep pushing forward,” Gojo says after a moment. “You don’t get to wallow in this shit. That’s not how it works, Toji. You just keep moving forward. That's all you can do.”

I’m about to respond when I hear a low murmur coming from Sukuna’s room. The door creaks open slightly, and I glance toward it, the worry clawing at my insides again. Gojo stands up and gives me a pointed look.

“Let’s go see how he’s doing,” he says, voice more serious now, and I can hear the weight of his words.

We all walk to the room, our steps heavy with the unspoken truths we’ve been avoiding. Inside, Sukuna stirs in the bed, his eyes barely open but wide enough to see the panic in his gaze.

“Y/N,” he whispers, almost like a prayer, his hand gripping the bed sheets tightly.

The room feels cold as we stand there, watching him struggle with the demons only he knows. His words hang in the air like a knife, cutting through the silence.

“Maybe we can fix this,” Gojo mutters softly, more to himself than anyone else. "But not like this."

I watch Sukuna’s face, the same man who used to be full of fire and rage, now broken. Maybe Gojo’s right—maybe we keep pushing forward. But even I know, with everything that’s happened, there’s no easy fix to the mess we’ve created.

Sukuna's POV

I’m trapped in the in-between, stuck in the land of the awake but not living. I can hear them talking, but my mind refuses to connect. Every word that escapes their lips feels like a blur, and I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want to hear about Y/N or Jin or my own damn self.

The steady beeping of the heart monitor is the only thing grounding me in reality, reminding me that I'm still here, still breathing, even if it feels like everything else is slipping through my fingers. The voices swirl around me, but none of them cut through the fog in my mind. Not even Gojo’s voice, not even Geto’s.

Y/N. 

Her name lingers in the air like an echo I can’t escape. It’s all I can think about. How I fucked things up. How I hurt her. How I lost her. I can’t get away from the image of her, standing there in her apartment, looking at me with those eyes—those brown eyes I used to drown in. Eyes that no longer saw me the same. Eyes that were filled with pain.

My stomach churns. I want to scream, but the words catch in my throat.

My younger brothers.

Yuuji. Choso.

I’m supposed to be their older brother. I’m supposed to be strong for them. They’ve lost so much already, and I can’t afford to lose them, too. But if I keep spiraling like this—if I let this guilt eat me alive, if I let my demons drag me under—then what happens to them? What happened to me?

I’m supposed to protect them, but I’m barely holding myself together. I can’t keep breaking like this. I can’t keep letting everything fall apart just because I don’t know how to deal with the shit that’s happened.

I’m supposed to be better. Better for them.

But how? How do I fix this? How do I fix myself when everything feels broken beyond repair?

I hear Gojo again, his voice louder this time. "He's just... lost in his head right now. We can't help him until he helps himself." It’s all I need to hear to understand that I’m not getting any sympathy here. Not from any of them. They know me too well.

And maybe that's what I need.

I squeeze my eyes shut, hoping to block out the pain. Maybe if I don’t open them, I won’t have to face the reality of what I’ve become. A broken man. A fuck-up.

But the truth is, I can’t run forever. I can’t stay in this fog of regret and self-loathing. I don’t want to be this version of myself. Not for my brothers, not for anyone. I’ve been here too many times before. Spiraling, falling, too afraid to face what’s staring me in the face. I’ve always been this way. But I can’t afford to be anymore.

I can’t let myself be the reason they lose me. Not when I still have a chance to fix it.

I hear Geto’s voice again, softer this time. "Sukuna... we’re here. But you need to come back. Come back to us." His words hit me harder than I expected, and I feel the weight of them pressing down on my chest. Come back to us.

I’m not sure how, but for the first time in what feels like forever, I let myself feel something other than numbness. A crack in the wall I’ve built around myself. A tiny opening to a possibility that maybe—just maybe—I can still get out of this.

But first, I have to face the one thing I’ve been running from.

I have to face myself.

“Y/N,” I whisper to no one in particular, my voice hoarse, rough. "I'm sorry."

I don’t expect anyone to hear it. Hell, I’m not even sure I believe it yet. But it’s the first step. And for now, that’s all I can give.

I open my eyes slowly, squinting at the harsh fluorescent lights above. The hospital room is sterile and unfamiliar, and for a second, I forget where I am. But then it all comes flooding back—the weight of my actions, the destruction I’ve left in my wake, and the realization that I can’t keep hiding from it.

I don't even remember when I said it, but those two words still echo in my mind: I'm sorry. They were the first words I’ve said aloud in what feels like forever, but they carry so much weight. So much guilt.

I sit up slowly, feeling the ache in my chest. I’m not sure if it’s from the panic attack, the guilt, or just the overwhelming sense of being broken. But whatever it is, it makes it hard to breathe, to think. To feel.

Gojo is still here, his presence just as obnoxious as ever. But there's something about him being here that gives me a sense of stability like maybe he doesn’t expect me to be perfect, but he’s still here, regardless. And Geto... Geto is just sitting there, staring at me like he’s waiting for me to get my shit together. Maybe he’s right. Maybe they both are.

“Fuck,” I muttered, running a hand through my hair. "How did I get here?"

Geto looks up from his phone, catching my eye for the first time in what feels like forever. “You’ve been here, Sukuna. You know the drill. You need to pull yourself together, for them.” His voice is calm, but there’s an edge to it. He’s tired, I can tell. We all are.

“Yeah,” I replied, my voice cracking. "For them."

It’s a mantra I’ve been repeating to myself for weeks now—for them. For Yuuji and Choso. They’ve lost so much already, and I can’t be the one to break.

But I don’t know where to begin. I don’t know how to fix this. How do I rebuild what I’ve destroyed? How do I fix myself when I’m not even sure who I am anymore?

Gojo leans against the doorframe, arms crossed. “You’re not alone in this, you know.” His words are blunt, but there’s something softer in his eyes. He doesn’t say it often, but I can see it. The understanding.

"I know." I don’t meet his gaze, my eyes locked on the floor. It’s easier that way. “But I still fucked up, Gojo. I messed it all up.”

Geto sighs heavily, shaking his head. "You didn't just mess it up. But that doesn't mean it’s over. You’ve got to take responsibility for it, man. For her... and yourself."

For a moment, I don’t know what to say. The words feel like they’re stuck in my throat. But then I think of Y/N. Her face, her eyes... the way she looked at me when I ruined everything. I see her pain in every single interaction we had before it all came crashing down. I can still feel it. The way she’d retreat from me, the way she’d pull away. And the way I never truly let her in.

"I didn’t mean for it to go like this," I finally whispered. "I never meant to hurt her."

“You need to talk to her, if she’ll allow it” Geto says, standing up and moving closer. “And if she’s willing, maybe... maybe you can fix it. But you have to start with yourself first.”

I feel the weight of his words, like he’s trying to lift me out of the quicksand I’ve been sinking into. But I’m stuck. I’m stuck in the guilt, in the shame, in the regret.

“What if she doesn’t want me back?” I ask, barely above a whisper. "What if I’ve already ruined it too much?"

"You won’t know unless you try," Gojo says, stepping forward. “You can’t undo the past, but you can at least try to make the future better. For her. For you.”

I feel something shift inside me, something small but significant. Maybe it’s hope. Maybe it’s just the desperation that’s been eating away at me. I don’t know. But it’s there, and for the first time, I let myself feel it.

Maybe it’s not too late. Maybe, just maybe, I can start rebuilding—starting with myself. I have to try. For Y/N. For Yuuji. For Choso. For me.

I stand up, feeling the weight of my body shift. My legs feel weak, but I force myself to stay upright. Geto watches me carefully as if waiting for me to collapse, but I don’t. Not this time.

I might not have all the answers, but I know one thing for sure.

I’m done running from it.

“I’ll fix it,” I murmur, barely believing the words myself. But I have to say it. I have to believe it.

For the first time in a long while, I don’t feel so alone. Maybe I’m not as far gone as I thought. Maybe I can still fight my way back from this.

Maybe I can still be the man I used to be.

the nurse filled in, "We tried to contact your emergency contact yn ln but they didnt respond. Do you have anyone who can keep an eye on you?

The nurse’s words hang in the air, thick with unspoken tension. I feel the room grow heavier as they linger, and I find myself grasping for a response. Y/N’s name still feels like a foreign sound on my lips.

I open my mouth to speak, but the words don’t come. What would I even say? She won’t answer me anymore. Not after what I did. The silence stretches between us, suffocating.

"I have—" I start, but the weight of it stops me.

Before I can finish the sentence, Toji speaks up, his voice cutting through the thick air like a knife.

"You can take my information. What do I need to know?"

I look up at him, and for the first time in what feels like days, I feel a bit of relief. Toji, as blunt as he is, never lets me down. He’s been here since the start, and I know, deep down, he’s always had my back, even when I didn’t deserve it.

The nurse nods, taking out her tablet and entering Toji’s information with practiced ease. It’s almost like they’ve done this a thousand times before, and maybe they have. Maybe they’re used to people like me. People who screw up their lives and end up here, needing a reminder that they’re not completely gone yet. That there's still a chance.

But I don’t know if I believe that.

I watch the nurse leave, and the silence settles back into the room like a heavy blanket. Toji stands there, looking at me with something between concern and resignation. He doesn’t need to say anything. I know exactly what he’s thinking.

"Stop blaming yourself," Toji finally says, his voice low, but firm. “You're not in this mess alone, and you’re not gonna fix it overnight. But you’ve gotta stop running from it, or you'll end up buried.”

I can feel his eyes on me, watching for any sign of weakness, but I can’t give him that. I can’t give anyone that. Not after everything.

"I know," I mutter, my voice barely audible.

Toji shrugs and moves to the side, making space in the small hospital room. "We all fucked up, Sukuna. But it’s not the end of the world. You’re still here."

The words settle somewhere deep inside me, somewhere I didn’t even know was still capable of feeling something. I look away, pretending the words don’t hit me the way they do.

But I can’t stop thinking about Y/N.

Her face. Her eyes. How she would look at me when I failed her. The way she pulled away.

I failed her.

But I still want to fix it. God, I want to fix it so badly that it hurts.

I’m not sure how I’m supposed to do that. I’m not sure if it’s even possible. But for the first time in months, I feel like I can try. I have to try.

For me. For her. For everyone I’ve hurt.

“Thanks,” I say to Toji, my voice gruff and unsteady. "For doing this... for me."

He doesn’t respond right away, just gives me a sharp look like he’s waiting for me to crumble again.

But I don’t.

Not this time.

Instead, I stand up slowly, feeling the weight of my legs beneath me. There’s no escape now. No more running from my mistakes. No more hiding. I have to face this.

And maybe... just maybe, I can start with making things right.

For once, I don’t feel like I’m completely drowning. But the battle is far from over.

"I’ll make it right," I say softly to myself, more than to Toji.

The words feel fragile like I’m trying to piece together a shattered mirror. But I have to try.

I won’t be the man I used to be. I can’t go back to that.

But maybe, just maybe, I can be someone worth loving again.

For Y/N. For everyone I’ve hurt.

And for myself.

I’m finally being released from the hospital. The sterile white walls feel like they’re closing in as the nurses hand me a prescription for the medications I’m supposed to take. But I don't care about that right now. I just want to go home. I just want to breathe again.

The ride back to the apartment feels like it takes hours. The air in the car is heavy with the weight of everything I've done, everything I’ve messed up. I haven’t spoken a word the whole way. Toji’s driving, the only sound between us was the soft hum of the engine and the occasional rustle of the road beneath the tires.

When we get to the apartment, I’m not sure what to expect. The door’s wide open when I walk in, and there’s Choso, pacing back and forth. His voice rises, sharp and full of frustration as he glances over at me. His eyes are bloodshot like he hasn’t slept in days, and I know it’s because of me.

"Sukuna!" Choso shouts, throwing his hands up in the air, his face a mix of anger, pain, and worry. “What the hell were you thinking?! You scared the shit out of us, man!”

I flinch at his words, the sting of them going deeper than I want to admit. But I don’t say anything. I don’t have a defense, not for this. I can’t make it better with a few words. So, I stand there, silent, my head hanging low.

Yuuji’s sitting in the corner of the room, his eyes glued to the floor, his friends Megumi and Nobara beside him, looking as stressed as he is. The weight of it all crashes into me. I did this to them. I’ve been selfish, and it’s clear they’re carrying this burden with me.

Yuuji finally looks up, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm glad you're home, bro."

His words don’t hit me like I expect them to. Instead of feeling the relief I thought I’d get from hearing him, I just feel hollow. I’ve caused too much damage to fix it with just a few words. He shouldn't have to say that. I shouldn’t be the one causing him so much pain.

“Yeah, well, don’t get used to it,” I mutter, the bitterness slipping out before I can stop it. "It’s not like I’ve been some fucking good example for you, right?"

Toji steps up beside me, his presence grounding. “That’s enough,” he says, his tone low but firm. “He’s home, and that’s what matters. Stop making this harder than it needs to be.”

Choso doesn’t let up though, his hands on his hips as he glares at me. "You’ve been running from everything, running from us, from yourself. We were worried you were gonna fucking end up dead, and now you’re back, but are you even gonna stay back?"

I want to answer him, to tell him that I’m trying, that I’m going to get better. But I know he won’t believe me. None of them will. Not after everything.

"Look," I say, my voice thick. "I’m sorry. I’ve fucked up, and I can’t fix everything in a day. But I’m here. I’m not going anywhere right now."

It’s all I can offer, and I know it’s not enough, but it’s all I’ve got. I can’t be the man I was before. I can’t just wipe away all the mistakes I made with a simple apology. But maybe I can try to be better.

Yuuji stands up slowly and walks over to me. I brace myself, waiting for him to yell, for him to say something harsh. But when he reaches me, he simply pats me on the back, like he’s trying to offer something I don’t deserve.

“It’s good to have you back, Sukuna,” Yuuji says quietly, his voice thick with emotion.

I swallow hard, the lump in my throat growing. I don’t know if I’m crying or not. But it sure feels like it. Maybe this is the first step in making things right. Maybe not for everyone, but for me, for Yuuji, for Choso... and Y/N.

The tears come without warning, falling like a flood. I feel them before I even know they’re coming, a warm rush down my face, blurring my vision. I can’t stop them. Not anymore. I’ve been holding everything in for so long, trying to keep the pieces of myself together, trying to be the strong one for my brothers. But I can’t do it anymore.

My knees give way, and I drop to the floor, the weight of everything—of all the things I’ve lost, of all the things I’ve fucked up—crushing me. My chest aches, tight, like it’s too small to hold all the guilt, all the pain.

“I’m sorry,” I mutter through gritted teeth, though I don’t know if I’m saying it to Choso or Yuuji or even myself. My voice cracks, the rawness of it is unfamiliar and painful. “Jin’s gone because of me... and Grandpa... he’s gone. They’re both gone.”

The tears come faster, like a storm I can’t outrun. I can’t hold it together anymore. Not for anyone. Not for them. Not for myself.

I hear Choso’s footsteps, feel his arms around me as he pulls me up, but I don’t want to be touched. Not right now. I want to crawl into a hole and disappear, to not have to face any of this, to not have to be the one who let them all down.

“Grandpa's funeral,” I whisper, my voice ragged. “Our parents didn’t even show up. They didn’t care. They never did.”

The words sting, but it’s the truth. The truth that I’ve been running from for years. Our parents left us. They abandoned us, and the only one who was there, who gave a shit, was Granpa. And now he’s gone, too.

“I’m tired of holding this in,” I choke out. “I can’t keep pretending to be the fucking strong one. I’m... not strong. I’m broken.”

I look up at Choso, and his face is pale, but his expression is gentle. I can see the hurt in his eyes, but there’s something else there too: understanding. He knows. He knows what it’s like to lose, to feel like you’re drowning in your own shit. And maybe he’s the only one who can truly get it.

I look over at Yuuji, and his face is full of concern. He’s standing in the corner of the room, silent, but I know the words are there, sitting heavy on his tongue. He doesn’t need to say anything, though. The fact that he’s here—just here—means more than words ever could.

“I don’t know how to fix this,” I say, my voice low and broken. “I don’t want to be like this anymore. I don’t want to let everyone down. I don’t want to keep losing people.”

But I’m scared. Scared of what it will take to fix all this. Scared of how much of myself I’ll have to break in the process.

“I’m so fucking tired,” I admit, my voice barely a whisper. 

Choso pulls me close, his hands gripping my shoulders as if he can somehow hold me together. “You don’t have to have it all figured out, Sukuna. We’re here. You’re not alone in this. You never were.”

His words hit me like a lifeline, but the truth is, I don’t know if I deserve it. I don’t know if I’ll ever be the person they want me to be.

But I know one thing: I can’t keep drowning in my own shit. I have to try to be better. Even if it’s just for a little while.

I’m home. But the journey to redemption? That’s just the beginning.

[pebsterino]

Im a fan of Da since 2019, I've cherished all 3 games, my favorite one is DA2. I will not be persuaded by anyone that DA4 is a good DA game.

They have damned everything I loved about Dragon Age for... this???

This is no longer the dark fantasy I fell in love with; it's a game that feels more like a Disney movie, complete with writing intended for children. The way they treat YOU as a player suggests that you aren't capable of solving the easiest riddle in this world. The direction of the writing is baffling. The constant explanations for everything make my blood boil because I'm not a child, and I can think for myself. They claim this is an RPG, yet it lacks any meaningful RPG elements. You have no choice whatsoever; your character is scripted the way the developers wanted them to be. (By the way, I had no idea that no matter which option you choose, your character will always try to be funny in an unfunny way.)

As for the gameplay, I've never cared for the gameplay in any Dragon Age games, so I won’t dwell on it, but I’ll share my opinion nonetheless. I think it’s still an improvement from Inquisition, but that’s not hard to achieve. The game was designed to be played online, which is another insane thing to consider. Is a Dragon Age game supposed to be online??? It’s so ridiculous, and I have no idea how BioWare thought it would work when nobody showed any interest in the multiplayer mode in Inquisition.

The lack of choice and the absence of consequences for your actions are glaring issues. Not a single companion cares if you try to be "rude" to them because you simply can’t be. The fact that you cannot make any of your companions leave your party is ridiculous. You are forced to harden one of your companions (which happens in almost every title), and the only consequences of them being hardened are that they will refuse to heal you and their approval rating is slightly lowered. You can literally romance both of them as if nothing happened.

I'm tired of my companions constantly reminding me that they have issues and need to work through their trauma with my character. As someone who goes to therapy every week, I find this portrayal insulting and ridiculous. Therapy is neither fun nor pleasant. It isn’t something you resolve by completing two quests and reassuring a character that “it’s fine, we have each other, and I care about you; your feelings are valid.” It’s the most absurd echo chamber I’ve ever been in. The fact that none of my companions can stop making everything about themselves and get their shit together while a blight is swallowing the world is beyond me. Therapy takes months, even years, and it’s a deeply personal journey that friends cannot, and shouldn't, interfere with. The whole idea that my protagonist can choose what’s best for the companions is equally absurd. My companions should be making choices based on how I treated them throughout the game; it shouldn't be up to me to decide that. And the best part is that, in the end, it doesn't matter, because no choice in this game has any real weight. Honestly, it’s narcissistic of anyone to expect others to fix their mental health issues. This was a reality check for me when I was younger; it hurts, but it is what it is.

The writing of the characters is something I never thought possible, but here we are. Most characters are written as if they're afraid to offend anyone. My wise friend once said, "If you live your life trying to avoid offending everyone, you might as well not live at all," and that’s true. It’s probably another reason why I can’t take anything seriously in this game—because nothing is serious. Nobody talks like this ever. So much of this is self-indulgent writing, which is fine and valid if you do it for yourself, not for the masses who will play this game.

This is easily illustrated by the Commander of the Grey Wardens, who tries so hard to be the bad guy. He won’t listen to logic or reason; he’s just a children’s movie villain who is evil for the sake of being evil. Honestly, the dialogue speaks for itself.

[aesterblaster]

Bad Dogs Can Learn New Tricks

Which Blue Lock Characters Have Gone To Therapy, In My Humble Opinion. (+ Who Desperately Needs To But Hasn't + Who Might In The Future)

Warnings: Some spoilers for way past the U-20 Arc, also not an extensive list of characters, honestly kind of funny. I wasn't trying to be TOO serious

Songs: Falling Behind / Laufey , The Main Character / Will Wood , Nothing's New / Rio Romeo

Has Gone To Therapy And Loves Their Therapist Gang

-Anri, There is no way she is able to have that much patience and take that much shit from corporate without having a therapist. I think she uses like 1/5th of her paycheck on books about improving your life and stuff like that LMAO. Her therapist is also a woman so it helps her to have someone who understands her frustrations with not really getting credit despite being one of the founders of Blue Lock. Also sometimes she gets worried she's unethical towards the boys so that weighs on her.

-Kenyu, Look it's still in progress ok? He was just starting before he came to Blue Lock. Once he realized he was going to lose his vision he started working with a professional and found it really helpful. In fact they were the one who encouraged him to go after Blue Lock in the first place. One of the reasons he was so quick to say sorry to Isagi is because he has those #coping skills.

-Gagumaru, After having a run in with a bear in the woods he kept having nightmares and his parents made him go to therapy. Well it was kindddd of therapy..it was a hippie who's a family friend. That doesn't mean he doesn't know grounding techniques. He even taught Naruhaya how to calm down from a panic attack once. But yeah, he doesn't really tell people that he went to therapy

-Snuffy, After his best friend's death he went to therapy ASAP. The type to only call his therapist once every 5 months and still have a rock solid relationship with them. His therapist helped him break his womanizing habit and realize that he's enough all on his own. 100% did some soul searching and stepped away from the scene. He also combined the therapist with a personal trainer to really max out his healing process. 100/10 dude for it.

"I Have Gone To Therapy And It Didn't Work" Crew

-Chigiri, Similar to Kenyu, his parents thought he might need some mental health help after the trauma of thinking he'd never be an athlete again. But he was one of those cold shoulder my mom is forcing me to do this cases. He never actually worked through what he might do if this whole thing falls through. Also snarkiness 100, his therapist almost quit because he was so insulting to them. Chigiri just felt ashamed that his parents even thought he should go in the first place and convinced his sister to also beg them to stop taking him lmao.

-Isagi, Okay at some point his parents realize he takes faliure wayyy too hard and tried to get him in therapy. When he talked to the therapist though the dude was like "Yeah, he's just competitive. Nothing wrong here." Alas, he's been masking for so long that he's incapable of revealing his issues to anyone who hasn't known him for 3 years or plays sports with him. Also, he convinced himself he doesn't need it and then idly imagines just going apeshit and killing his enemies to cope with stress...like bro...

-Noa, Why do you think he gets along with Isagi? All jokes aside, his PR people probably asked him to do it and he went and then secretly never went back. It honestly didn't work because he wasn't willing to give it a chance. And still isn't!!!! Would rather backflip off of a yacht than tell someone in a lounge chair about how growing up in intense poverty still haunts him sometimes, makes him question his worth and avoid conflict in day to day life. Sometimes he wonders if one day he'll wake up and find out it was all a dream....But nah he doesn't need therapy!

-Oliver, He was soooo close to actually getting his mental health in check but then his therapist retired. After that he got another really seasoned one and saw the amount of case files in his desk and just felt like a straight up burden. One of those "other people have it worse" and "it is what it is" guys. He's very open about his emotions and feelings so he just talks to his friends when he's really struggling. (Even though Sendou never says the right things-) Like yeah it's their job but why bug these nice people when sex?? Why talk about issues in sessions when he can get drunk or go train for 4 hours??? Riddle him that?

The "I Need Therapy And I Know It" Team

-Ness, He has so many fucking issues. Honestly, despite his devout worship of Kaiser he does realize that his behavior isn't quite healthy or normal. Dude tries to show you a funny video on his phone and all of his ads are for Betterhelp. Genuinely trying to figure out a diagnosis. Yes he has looked up all sorts of personality disorders and no he doesn't think he has any of them (He has at least two). But again, Ness is self aware enough to know that some help or someone to talk to who sees him as an actual human being would be nice.

-Niko, He cannonicaly describes himself as very very introverted and nerdy, also he hides his face. Tell me you were bullied in school or at least had an extremely traumatizing incident without telling me. Kind of never had anyone, just people who hung around because of his soccer skill or avoided him like the plague. He is that guy who will rant about "society" online for hours and fantasize about moving to a different country thinking he'd get better treatment there. Cripplingly lonely and self conscious at the end of the day, in all honesty. Also he genuinely wants a therapist but just can't afford one.

-Hiori, Obviously his parents are the ones who stop him. He tries to go and his mom realizes where he's making her drive him and swerves off. Even when he gets his license, you just know they're tracking everywhere he goes. He doesn't have enough privacy to really get better like that, Hiori has to wait until he moves out. Still genuinely fucked up by the fact that Gagumaru has gotten therapy and he hasn't. Just listens to emo music and plays video games and pretends that that fixes everything. He's totally releasing a top-selling book about his horrible childhood after Blue Lock.

-Bachira, Is he outgoing and silly? Yes. Does he need better coping skills? Also yes. Men will tell you the most horrible and traumatizing childhood memories about getting jumped and then laugh it off, and it's him, Bachira is men. He ties to brush off his trauma with humor but it never really works. He knows that he genuinely needs to talk to someone other than Isagi or his mom about the Monster and how it was by his side for so long. But also never goes through with getting professional help, just thinks about it sometimes.

The "What's Therapy? Fuck You!" Group

-Kaiser, Oh god, don't even suggest it to him. I headcannon that mental illness kind of runs in his family. He's watched family members be taken away for being too out there and openly mentally ill so he has a reason to not trust doctors. Just associates therapy and things like it with abusive institutions. If he told a therapist all of his issues, he'd probably be sent to a psyche ward. Just the threat of being sent there single handedly kept him from killing himself or talking about his feelings when he was younger. He will continue to just be slightly abusive to the people around him thank you very much.

-Ego, Bro's got the government banning him from soccer and you think he's thinking of therapy? When Anri tells him he needs it offhand, he's like, revenge is my therapy. Insane as fuck but thinks that it's a good thing. He is not willing to talk about his issues to anyone, but especially not someone who will write it all down. Genuinely ruined a few relationships in his past because the main people he attracts are the "I Can Fix Him" people and it just never works. Suprisingly unself aware for how much he analyzes others.

-Barou, His main issue is just shame and failed gifted kid syndrome. But as soon as he's back up he's convinced he doesn't need help. Barou suffers from really high highs and really low lows but he also has the mental fortitude to handle it. He is a well adjusted and kind enough person outside of the soccer field so he never considers that he needs therapy. When he feels bad about himself he hits the gym but he's never really opened up to anyone and he sure isn't going to start once he gets more famous. Especially when he's seen as one of the best right now, can't risk his reputation.

-Rin, He's would rather gut himself with a sword than admit that his mental illness doesn't make him a cool loner wolf and just a lonely person who hasn't healed his inner child. Kind of just wants someone to baby him and tell him everything's going to be alright but in the mean time his barriers are up 24/7. He disdains therapy, thinks that he'd just be seen as a pay check and he kind of isn't wrong. Rin would rather pay money for expensive cleats than spend it for someone to suggest him breathing exercises. He also had a traumacore phase, but he'd rather not talk about it.

[cookiesupplier]

Every Rose Has Its Thorns - Part Thirty

pairing: Ricky Olson x ofc x Chris 'Motionless' Cerulli

warnings/tropes: slow burn, soulmates, strangers to enemies to lovers, betrayal, angst, fluff, smut, language, online bullying, panic attacks, stalking, mental health issues.

summary: In a world where soulmates inexplicably receive a tattoo that will match that of their soulmate the moment they turn eighteen years old, being famous and covered in very visible tattoos can make finding your true soulmate a questionable fate. For everyone involved.

author’s note: Unbeta'd, readers beware as always lol.

tags: @tearfallpixie @cncohshit @jordynyingling0219 @faceless-mirror @nyxthedestroyerofworlds @wild-child-7747 @witchyweeb34 @black-damask1999 @jilliemiw86 @ilovesamkiszka @lyschko666 @lacktoesandtoddlerants @bngurngheart @collapsedglasshouses @laurpartyprogram @sunsshinesunny @malerieee @talialovesmiw @shilohrosechicken

Tag List is Open, please let me know if you would like to be added to it or in general.

Talia hadn’t actually been to Chris house before, his parents didn’t count, that was a whole different thing after all. Not to mention, that even was something that she really didn’t want to think about when it came to what had happened the day she had been there. It had been a wonderful day to start, meeting so many of the band, Laura, Justin, Ryan and his partner had been wonderful, she did look forward to seeing them again, but that day… She couldn’t think back on that day and not remember what else had happened. Now she knew why, it did make her less embarrassed and ashamed of what she did, how she’d behaved. Didn’t make her want to slap Ricky any less when he’d demanded she strip, though. The man wanting her naked, could have gone about it a completely different way. But no, he had to be an asshole about it.

He’d be so mad at her for thinking it, but in his shoes, she understood it though, why he was being an asshole. She stood by her statement about slapping him, but she understood it.

Especially after finding out about Grace being in his house when he got home. Insane. She’d just been another stalker for him not to trust. Again, she stood by the urge for slapping.

Talia wondered if anyone was checking his house while it was empty, and half hoped that even with Grace seemingly off the grid, Ricky wasn’t just jumping at the chance to go home yet. Let everything calm down. Too much was up in the air for her not to be worried. Maybe she was just paranoid, but Grace had kept this up for years.

With Ava spending the day with Vinny, Talia had borrowed her rental car for the day to drive to Chris’ house. Considering she wasn’t sure how long she’d be here, she hadn’t planned to get one herself, but maybe she should at this point, she’d been here a few weeks already. Everything that was piling on, she wasn’t sure how long this was going to last now. On one hand, Ava and Vinny seemed convinced the worst with Grace was over. Ava was getting all kinds of praise and love online from Vinny’s fans, well, those that weren’t crying because now it meant they couldn’t be his soulmate. However, on the other front, she wasn’t sure how to tell Ava about what was happening involving her soulmate tattoo; at least while also making sure she knew how serious it was without tell her about the party, and the kitchen, and, about her breakdown. She wasn’t ready for that yet.

She was the worst best friend in the world, still hiding all this from her.

Walking up the drive to Chris, she pressed the doorbell, only for almost instantly, as if he’d been waiting pretty much on the other side of the door, a rather dishevelled looking Chris, opening the door. He pulled her into a hug, a tight hug, with a groan, his voice muffled into her shoulder, a feat considering how tall he was compared to her.

“JellyBean.”

Sighing at the hug, feeling so much warmth and comfort in his hugs, she couldn’t possibly explain it. Her arms wrapped around his tall frame tightly as he seemed to nuzzle into her neck and shoulder for a moment,

“Chris, Spookie, are you okay?”

Her voice so soft as she hugged him, not wanting to disturb him too much from the comfort he seemed to be seeking from the contact. Turning her head to press her cheek against his shoulder lightly, but a surprised breath came from Chris then, and she wasn’t sure why before he was pausing and pulling away.. 

“I, yea, come on in.. Ricky is through here.. We all need to talk about something.”

Oh god, it was about something to do with Grace, wasn’t it? She knew her being gone was too good to be true. She’d been texting Ricky about it earlier. Se got the feeling he didn’t seem to be as enthused by her deleting her social media profiles as she Vinny and Ava did either. He didn’t say anything specifically, it was more about what he wasn’t saying, than more about what he did say that spoke to her. Maybe she was reading more than she should into it, maybe not, she could just be paranoid, but Grace, she wasn’t right.

Next, Chris led her into his living room where Ricky was waiting, it was so very different from Vinny’s in every way. Chris was all about the dark spooky vibe, and she loved it, but he still had a very modern element to his home. Glancing around, the aesthetic of the house was very tasteful, it wasn’t all dark, depressing when most thought of the halloween vibe that Chris often associated with. Though, it was thread in there a little, but not depressing, it was fun, and enjoyable, just like Chris, just how she liked it.

Moving to sit down, still across the room somewhat from Ricky, half turned to face Chris, looking between the two expectantly, hoping, and praying, that this didn’t have anything to do with Grace.. However, dreading that it really would. Could also have to do with having to do with having to see a therapist about their marks, but if Chris was right, just her and Ricky getting to know each other like friends, should help each it, at least.

“So, what’s going on, what was with the invite over, 911 text?”

Looking between them expectantly,

“Wait, what, 911?”

Ricky was looking at her confused, and Chris, Chris was suddenly very interested in his phone..

“Chris?”

“Okay, I sent the 911.. I panicked! I wasn’t sure she would just come over, so when you said invite, I might have thought, nudge her a bit.”

“Oh my god. She agreed, I told you she agreed.”

Talia couldn’t help but giggle at the back and forth between the boys,

“How about you guys just tell me what's going on that sent Chris into a panic in the first place, because as someone who would rather not get 911 texts, and not see him in a panic?”

Looking between them..

“Right.. Chris do you want to..”

Talia looked from Ricky and back to Chris now as he gestured and Chris nodded, setting his phone down and rubbing his thighs.. 

“So, it's about my soulmate tattoo.”

Chris took in a deep breath as he looked to Talia, glancing quickly to Ricky for a little bit of support. He’d already done the hardest part last night, she already knew his soulmate was dead, but still, this felt so strange to talk about. This whole thing was so, how did you tell someone you think you're connected to their soulmate? And that their soulmate thinks that you're connected to them? Hello, talk about a bit of soulmate love triangle here, how did that even work? Did they even have soulmate love triangles? He’d never heard of them before!

Sure, he’d heard of soulmate tattoos causing love triangles. Everyone had heard of that, but actual soulmate love triangles, with a three-way soulmate link. Was that even possible? What would Talia even think about it? Ricky, he wasn’t even sure what he had thought about it in a romantic sense, friendship wise was one thing, and he knew his friend was struggling enough with everything that was happening.

“What about your tattoo, Chris?”

Okay, face the music time, taking in a breath, he focused on Talia.

“It seems to be, reacting, a bit, similar, but different I guess, not as severe, I think… anyway,”

Yet. He shook his head, he wasn’t making any sense and he knew it.

“I mean, reacting similar to how yours is.. Sort of.”

“What?”

The shock, was understandable, Chris sighed as he continued.

“I wasn’t sure what it was reacting to, as the sensations have been all over the place during the week, I’ve not been paying attention to when they’d been happening, the ache, it was just an ache, I didn’t make the connection. I didn’t want to make the connection, I suppose, but it has just been coming and going. Then, it started to get more pronounced, until I couldn’t deny something was happening anymore.”

Letting out a slow breath to steady himself before he kept going, his head just all over the place.

“The doctor found nothing.. And then.. Well, I thought it reacted to Ricky.”

Chris nodded in Ricky’s direction, and he watched as Talia glanced over to him surprised, Ricky choosing that moment to speak up finally.

“But I’ve noticed that Chris has been reacting to you more than me Sweetheart, his shoulder was playing up the entire time we were helping you, and he was looking after you. That was about you, he was worried about you, not me at all.”

Blinking slightly as he looked at her, and then between them both, holding his breath, not sure what to think, how to react, how should anyone react to this, he wouldn’t be surprised if she started laughing. But… Chris knew she wouldn’t. Not after everything she’d been going through with her own tattoo lately. She wouldn’t tell him he was insane, she wouldn’t treat him like he was crazy. What he didn’t expect was what Talia did say.

“Can I see it?”

Oh… Oh…

“What?”

He felt a bit dumb for a second there, and Ricky wasn’t helping, sitting back in his chair with a that little knowing smirk of a smile on his face, as if he’d expected she’d be curious. Damn him. 

“Your tattoo, Spookie, can I see it?”

When Ricky chuckled from the background “Spookie?” Chris could help but roll his eyes at him with a muttered “Shut it.” he didn’t have the energy for him to make fun of him right now.. He tried to talk Talia out of it okay, he had, but his love of Halloween came back to roost on that nickname. Still he swallowed, right, his tattoo. She didn’t even react to the little moment about the joke aside from the slight growing of her smile which made him think she was trying not to laugh as he told Rick to shut it as he chuckled. He wouldn’t lie, though, her having a special name for him, had him feeling as warm and tender as that glorious hug when she came in at the front door. He wouldn’t give it up, her giving him one for the world.

Chris reached up to his shirt, considering he’d been at the doctors this morning, and needed to access his shoulder, and didn’t want to just keep taking his shirt off and off.. He had a button up on already. So he undid the first couple of buttons from the collar and pulled it to the side. He widened the collar all the way over his shoulder, wiggling it down, now his whole shoulder blade was exposed, his soulmate tattoo was the front of his shoulder. It wasn’t exactly Halloween inspired like so many of his other tattoos, but in a sense, he could use it for the theme. It was a spectral like figure he’d worked into the surrounding piece, and it was so detailed in the shading, not like some of those simple soulmate tattoos either, which he enjoyed. That had been something he had considered himself lucky about when he started tattooing himself, that he didn’t have a crappy soulmate tattoo to blend in.

However, it was always stark again his colour pallet though, black or white. Most of Chris’ tattoos could be colourful, except his soulmate tattoo, and that was why his he’d worn shirts and tank tops a lot.. And the paint had started with the band, the soulmate tattoos. It was a great way to deal with the insanity.

“Why isn’t it white?”

Talia’s soft tentative voice hesitantly asking him that caught him by surprise. What? Of course, it was white. The shock hitting him had him looking over to Rick, and he’d been looking to Talia, Chris looking between the two. What, what was it? What?!? Looking down, he couldn’t get the best look from above, it was, he couldn’t crane his neck to look right at his shoulder properly! Shit, his heart started racing as he called out to his best friend in a panic.

“Ricky!?”

He was moving from his chair closer and Chris was grabbing for his phone to try and use it as a mirror with his camera, shit, how could his soulmate tattoo be changing, again? Had anyone ever had their dead soulmates tattoo change? Was that even humanly possible? Chris’ heart was starting to race, and he felt like he couldn’t breathe as he struggled to get his phone open, and his camera up, flipping open the selfie side and bringing it up to see his shoulder. In his panic it felt like his fingers weren’t working on the screen, and he couldn’t even figure out how to use his fucking phone! There, there, he had it, searching the image he could see on the screen.. He… that… what…

“Oh my god.”

The colour was off. Talia was right.. It wasn’t white. It wasn’t white at all, it was getting darker, it was significantly darker. Grey, it was turning fucking grey, what did this fucking mean? Chris swallows heavily with how close Rick is looking at the darkening outline of the formerly pale white tattoo,

“Chris, it’s changing shape too.”

Dividers by @saradika-graphics

[chlix]

skz as patrons at the library where i work

Genre: crack Synoposis: literally what it says on the tin lmao Members: OT8!! maknae line below the cut :)

Disclaimer in case my boss sees this that I love my job and almost all of our patrons <3 also none of these statements describe a specific person they’re just amalgamations of things we do and see every day

CHAN:

Mostly comes in to use our wifi/study rooms

Once asked us if we had a spare ethernet cable+hookup and we were all like ummmm we don’t really do that here?

Accumulated a $0.50 fine on his account and was extremely apologetic while paying it off like dude it’s okay it’s not that serious

Needs to print like 150 pages off of his laptop every single week and we feel bad for being annoyed because he’s really very nice about it*

Leaves ten minutes before closing <333

*this is annoying because printing off your own laptop means we have to leave our desk and go get your papers from the wireless printer the back office, whereas if you printed from the library computers you could get it yourself from the public printers

MINHO:

Runs a whole-ass business out of our meeting rooms

Like seriously shouldn’t you have an office space or a building for this….but no he checks out the same room key almost every day like clockwork

Actually doesn’t even live in our township but pays the PLAC fee because he likes our facilities better

Every time he tries to speak to us at the desk and it echoes he goes, “Wow sound really travels in here doesn’t it?”

When you ask him for his name for the financial records he jokingly refuses to tell you because “You should know who I am by now”

CHANGBIN:

Constantly forgets that he has to check out items that are on the holds shelf before leaving

It's such an issue like we've marked more than ten books as missing/lost but it turns out he just took them and left

Regularly attends the adult programming, like book clubs and mental health information sessions, always thanks the presenter for their time <3

Uses the library as Google, will call us and ask “Where’s the cheapest gas station close to where I am?” like sir where are you????

Has a punch card for the coffee machine and will stand around and make small talk while the coffee brews

HYUNJIN:

Gets so unbelievably embarrassed to come up to the desk for any reason as we’re going to verbally berate him for asking us a question

Bitches about every fine no matter how small, will ask for a manager over $0.75.

Seriously he does not like owing money. He got a book wet one time on vacation and paid for it as passive-aggressively as possible

“I’m telling you that the person before me must have done that because I would never treat a book that way, I treat all my books well and I’m one of the most frequent users of the library” like ok sir that'll be $27.99

One of those people that finds weeding atrocious and hates when he sees damaged books in the trash

Constantly complains about how the classics section lacks diversity (he’s right but us circ assistants can’t do anything about it)

JISUNG:

Has about a hundred books checked out on his account and can never remember which ones are next

He has a phone plan with a weird provider so we can’t text him notices and even though we explain this several times he constantly complains that he doesn’t get notices by text

Tries to pay his fines off with Apple Pay and can’t understand why we, a library using a cash register from 2007, do not take Apple Pay

Once used a website that made the computer set off a LOUD ASS ALARM for being a “forbidden or unsafe network” and we were all like what the hell did you do like even porn doesn’t set off an alarm????

Always asks to “use the bathroom really quick” after we’ve officially closed and forces us to stay an extra 20 minutes because we can’t shut anything down until the building is empty

FELIX:

Never actually reserves a meeting room but will always come to the front desk and ask if there’s one available and will be SHOCKED if we’re booked straight through for the day

Regularly brings in books for donation and when he pays fines in cash he always hands us a $20 and says to keep the change <3

Notices every minute change to the layout like “Why are the atlases no longer at the front of nonfiction?” and we’re like when was the last time you even checked out an atlas

Gets embarrassed if a book he wants is in the teen or children’s section and asks us to go get it for him

Can never connect to Libby because he keeps forgetting his PIN number so he calls us to reset it like once a month

SEUNGMIN:

Checks out a TON of DVDs. Treats this place like Netflix fr

Will request we get a movie that’s currently in theaters and we’re like “It’s not even out on disc yet so we literally can’t buy it”

Prefers to hand all his returns to a desk person and watch us check them in while he’s there instead of putting them in the return so he can "make sure" he doesn't get any fines

Asks us why mysteries are shelved separately from all the other books because it’s confusing as to what is and isn’t a mystery (we have no clue either)

Likes picking books off the cart while you’re shelving because they're "peer reviewed" and "probably better than what's on the shelves"

JEONGIN:

Constantly forgets his library card and is forced to come up to the desk so we can check his books out

Does not understand the difference between librarians and circulation assistants and so is always asking circ assistants do work that only librarians can do

“What do you mean you’re not a librarian? Isn’t everyone who works in a library a librarian?”

Thinks literally everything is going to get him banned from the library as if you'd get banned from the library for...using the services we offer?

Got anxious when we entered the room with a giant mallet after he reported one of the tables was stuck and we had to explain we were not going to attack him and we use the mallet to fix stuck tables

Walks away with room keys sometimes and returns them like 30 minutes before we close in an absolute PANIC

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for not caring that my mother had to go to the hospital?

my (24M) mother (50F) has a long history of health issues. diseases, chronic pain, stress sickness, you name it… plus various mental health issues. she has been in the hospital multiple times, often for stress that she exacerbates. she faked fainting in the past to get attention due to mental health spirals which she refuses to seek help for. i’m not gonna judge people who want attention, but it’s gotten out of hand.

she also has a habit of being flirtatious and seeking attention from a guy who is not her husband (my dad, 43M) but pretending that it’s innocent. as far as i can tell, it isn’t; i don’t think “i love you” or “sexy” count as platonic phrases here. she talks to this guy regularly. dad seems frustrated by it and has made this known to her but she always has an excuse or a reason. she’s very good at getting people to feel sorry for her and does crocodile tears often.

recently, my mother got herself into another stress spiral and it was brought on by an issue with this guy. apparently he said some hurtful things and did something that upset her. dad tried to take care of her and be there for her, but she eventually got so sick from the emotional stress (nausea, fever, etc.) that it caused serious health issues and she had to be rushed to the hospital in an ambulance…

despite the fact that she’s my mother, i couldn’t bring myself to care. it’s not as if she hasn’t supported me or been there for me, but as far as i can tell she’s cheating on my dad and i’m not gonna sit there by her bedside feeling sorry for her.

the doctors think she will be fine after some recovery, to check on her and give her a mental health evaluation. i did not go see her in the hospital and honestly i don’t plan to… but my family seem to think this is unfair of me and even my dad said i should still be there for her

i’d be there for him if he wanted me there, but if he’s making it out like it’s for her then i want no part in it. i know she’s my mom, but he’s also my dad. and i’m tired of the manipulative, attention seeking tactics…

am i the asshole for not going to see her?

What are these acronyms?

[angelsparkls]

all my favorite fics that no one asked for:

* = my absolute favorites

multiple ship fics:

All in the Cards (series)* - (haikyuu) MY FAVORITE FIC OF ALL TIME! although lengthy it is such a good read and has a lot of popular ships! the au is such a cool concept and the plot and characters are thought out so well it’s amazing and should definitely check it out

The Crystal Miracles - (kuroko no basket) based off steven universe but coming from someone who has never watched steven universe the fic was not super dependent on it and was just based around the plot of steven universe (apparently i talked about with my friend who actually watched steven universe) i thought it was cool so definitely recommend! also a bit lengthy but worth it

friends, worlds apart - (haikyuu) it’s mainly bokuaka but there’s other ships so i decided to put this fic here. tbh i don’t remember it too well but i do know it well enough to know that it was really good! it’s a pretty long hogwarts au fic and is based off basic plot points from harry potter but it’s not too similar imo so overall a good read!

Haikyuu:

Death Threats & Wine Bottles - (semishira) domestic semishira. that’s all. it’s cute. there’s nothing to not like about it.

Saltwater Room - (kuroken) i think i read this because of a recommendation and man it was funny. i enjoyed all the fun little bits of kenma and hinata just being friends but also the more serious angsty parts and having the whole conflict with kuroo and kenma’s dream. *sigh* it’s good but lengthy. worth it in my opinion but i like long fics so maybe not your cup of tea

When I Fall In Love - (semishira) i can’t really remember this fic since i read it a long time ago but i do remember liking it! the band au/pianist au concept was cool seeing it with semishira and they are so supportive of each other after they get over their annoyance! it’s not as long as the other long fics i’ve recommended but definitely give it a shot!

Cover My Thoughts In Gold - (bokuaka) some classic soulmate au because they are soulmates so why not have a fic that has them be confirmed soulmates

True Ending - (kuroken) marriage proposal in the best and cutest way possible and one that perfectly fits them 🥺

Cat’s Out of the Bag - (kuroken) it’s just some cute little scenes of kenma as a shapeshifter and kuroo not knowing. it’s quick but so so cute how they interact

Maybe, Probably - (sakuatsu) cute hogwarts au of slytherin atsumu and ravenclaw sakusa. yeah that’s basically it

Rose Gold - (semishira) ROYALTY AU SEMISHIRA AAAAAAA definitely one of my favorite considering that I actually never see a royalty au centered around them

Vibrant - (semishira) im a sucker for soulmate aus but this soulmate au especially was such a cute concept!

A Musical World Thanks To You - (semishira) soulmate au fic but you can hear songs that your soulmate is listening to! it really is such a good concept with semi asking shirabu to be in the talent show with him and perform a song and yk yk big build up to the moment hehe

Dog visits - (kyouhaba) the classic “oh he’s different than i thought what do i do now” and yahaba being soft with kyoutani’s dog is everything and kyoutani not knowing how to deal with yahaba barging into his life 😍

be my honeybee - (kyouhaba) tw: implied/referenced child ab/se if you aren’t comfortable with that please don’t read <3 but it is a good fic and addresses real issues especially with kyoutani not really having anyone to help him until yahaba came around. it’s a bit long and made me cry a little so that’s why it’s good

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back - (kyouhaba) everyone has superpower abilities!! i always love aus like this so it’s not a surprise it’s one of my favorites. it also touches on mental health in the form of kyoutani doing too much for people when he doesn’t need to and always sacrificing himself for others even when it makes him unhappy. it’s so good tho if you ever decide to read it because it is a bit long

rewrite the stars - (kuroken) arranged marriage au where kenma and kageyama are going to get married but by the end they realize that they are marrying the wrong people and its so cute seeing kenma come to that realization

Kuroko No Basket:

The Frog in the Well - (midotaka) it has been a while since i read this fic but i do remember laughing about this and just thinking it was overall cute especially with the whole aspect of being a loose retelling of “The Frog-King” and i know two other people who also read this and thought it was cute so there’s that

The Witch in the Tower - (murahimu) this is from the same series and author as the previous knb fic i recommended because this fic is also based around a fairy tale and i found this really cute because they are kinda domestic in this fic since there’s just an adopted child in a tower… anyway

Feels Like Winning - (murahimu) just some soulmate au for them because murasakibara not knowing how to deal with feelings <3

Only with You - (kikasa) a cute fic for this surprisingly underrated ship! it’s not too long but encompasses these idiots’ relationship in this fic perfectly

Claws and paws - (murahimu) this shapeshifter au is so cute because like height difference 😍 and also the whole idea of like himuro being this tiny cat compared for murasakibara is funny to me. it’s kind of long but i enjoyed it!

Other Fandoms:

Boy Problems - (mirio togata x tamaki amajiki) an OG for me it’s actually one of my first bookmarks and it’s a cute little oneshot that reminds me how oblivious and stupid these idiots are

the blind leading the blind - (childe x zhongli) it’s not really focused on relationship but it really touches on the betrayal that childe feels after realizing that zhongli gave his gnosis to signora behind his back and i think this fic is so very cool for creating that scenario and executed it perfectly!

kintsugi - (teru minamoto x akane aoi) oh lord. oh god. this fic actually kinda broke me. it’s a very bittersweet fic that makes me go OMG YAY and then oh oh oh oh /neg but it does end happily. at what cost tho. it’s so so so good tho definitely recommend. a little lengthy but not too bad

Look At Me Like That - (momotarou mikoshiba x aiichirou nitori) THIS FIC SUMS UP THIS SHIP PERFECTLY! ITS SO GOOD! like the whole thingg of ai having unrequited feelings for rin but is now in love with this idiot momo is exactly how i see their relationship and having that tied up in this one fic.

[seeingteacupsindragons]

what's the difference between canon albert and fanon albert ? i don't engage with the fandom at all aside from checking your account and 2 of my friends' lmao

Lmao. I support you in this endeavor. Honestly, most of my interaction with the fandom is also via my inbox (which has a long history revolving around spoilers, etc.) that I'm slowly trying to branch out of and make some friends (who...I mostly find in my tags and reblogs. Anyway).

So, uh, fanon Albert, at least in the English-speaking side, tends towards a lot more sexual than has any evidence in canon, significantly more flamboyant and dramatically maudlin (and that sure is saying something), something of a dandy peacock, and significantly less...honestly, scary? He's teasing and flirtatious and outgoing.

There's a lot of reasons for this, I suppose, probably because people like characters like that and he's the easiest one in YuuMori to sort of massage into the role even though he doesn't actually fit it. He's attractive, dangerous, charming, and often a bit more mysterious than his brothers, so he can just slot in there easier.

Canon Albert is much more reserved (much like William, honestly), very serious-minded and focused, smart as hell, determined as hell, and, it should be noted, a veteran with strong combat skills. A very, very devoutly religious man with some very serious mental health issues relating to order, cleanliness, and fairness. He's not a spendthrift and doesn't care much about his image (and in fact lets it be denounced in public without flinching after days of it as part of William's plan). He's a practical person who is focused on the end goals and the effects of things, not the appearances of any of it.

A man who is, above all, trying to help.

[kandisheek]

FIC REC WEEK 41 – FRIENDSHIP

STEVE & SAM

Big Enough Bucket by Kathar

Pairing: Steve & Sam Rating: G Words: 1,659 Tags: ALS Ice Bucket Challenge, Sam's Wings, Social Media

Summary: "Sam, no," says Captain America-- because if there's one voice instantly recognizable these days no matter how distracting the background noise is, it's Steve Rogers. People hear it in their sleep. Or... going to sleep. It continues: "This is crazy. And unnecessary." Sam Wilson takes the ice bucket challenge.

Reasons why I love it: Wow, the Ice Bucket Challenge, that really takes me back. I really love the Avengers spin that Kathar put on it – adrenaline junkies, the lot of them – and I especially enjoyed the meta commentary about what's happening on social media while the video airs. This fic is fantastic, and I really hope you give it a shot for yourself!

Barefoot Over Broken Glass by Ultrageekatlarge

Pairing: Steve & Sam Rating: T Words: 3,377 Tags: PTSD, Panic Attacks, Serious Talks

Summary: It’s been three weeks since the helicarriers, and Sam’s not doing too great.

Reasons why I love it: This fic feels like nails on a chalkboard in the best possible way. It's tense and uncomfortable and everything that I love in a fic that portrays mental health struggles. Poor Sam is going through a lot, and Steve is struggling so much with how to help him that it hurts my heart. And the ending gave me hope as much as it made my heart sink. This fic is fantastic, and you should definitely read it!

Audio Commentary Track With Steve Rogers by copperbadge

Pairing: Steve & Sam Rating: T Words: 3,003 Tags: Academic Conferences, Film Studies, Rhetoric

Summary: Steve didn't know you could go to college to study movies.

Reasons why I love it: As someone who went to film school, this fic feels like it was written specifically for me. The thought of Steve being a movie buff who's interested in making his own someday makes me want to do a happy dance. Anyway, I love this fic, and you should definitely read it, if you haven't yet!

Next-morning-itis by Feather (lalaietha)

Pairing: Steve & Sam Rating: T Words: 4,425 Tags: Mental Health Professional, Recovery, Worried Sam

Summary: Sam doesn't care if the rumours are true and Genius Stark does have a computer program or even an AI to screen his calls, eventually that's going to get tired of Sam calling, even if it has to develop sapience first to do it. Although Sam's phone might beat him to it: he feels like Siri's getting annoyed at him already. Doesn't matter. He can do this all day.

Reasons why I love it: Sam truly is the best friend anyone could have. His worry for Steve is really touching – and understandable, because Jesus Christ, Steve. I also really love the conversations Sam has with Pepper and Laura respectively, they're both such queens. Definitely check this one out, it's amazing!

Vaccinate Your Fucking Kids by bisexualamy

Pairing: Steve & Sam Rating: T Words: 2,355 Tags: Liberal Steve, Politics, Anti-vaxx

Summary: “Sam, these kids are trusting their parents to protect them,” Steve said, “and these parents are listening to this ‘Jenny McCarthy,’ and people like her, who are telling them that the best way to protect their kids is to stop them from getting one of the best things modern medicine has ever invented. I can’t just sit here drinking coffee and pretend I didn’t read about this.” Sam, knowing what was about to happen and realizing he was going to get dragged into it too, sighed and stood up a little straighter. “So,” he said. “I guess the question I should be asking is: what are we going to do about it?” (Or, the one where Aggressively Activist Steve Rogers finds out about anti-vaxxers and can't keep his mouth shut on the issue once he does.)

Reasons why I love it: Steve's outrage was basically my reaction the first time I heard of anti-vaxx as a concept, so this fic felt very cathartic for me. Not to get too political here, but this is something that I feel strongly about, so I'm very happy to see it represented in fic form. I hope you check this one out, because it deserves all the love it can get!

[kaoharu]

how would you rate every a' song & ciel song ever! looks

yippeeeeeeeee !!!!!! heart heart

ill start with ciel bc he has less songs lol

Ache&Deny – worlds most predictable baby ( me ) ok anyways im just a reallly big sucker for kenns vocals in this song. the guitar Also gets me so bad really fucked up how its Always there . even when the loud drums come in . eheh :my eyes tear up: i dont have any comments for the lyrics unfortunately ( mg illness doesnt allow it . . . )

Heaven's Door – i really like the instrumentals for this song also . also always a big fan of when lyrics reference religious concepts and stuff like literally wahtever ( htis is just like hanadoll . sorry )

BLACK ANTHEM – religious concepts again. hi i think hes so interesting stares off into space did you know that die fledermaus is thw name of a german operetta . which im pretty sure is why in the intro ( and the instrumental breaks ) there is the opera like singing. so cool right thumbs up emoji

LUV (Your) StiNG – i just think he sounds really good in this one . no further comments :scratches head:

Vibes – i actually reallly lvoe the lyrics of this song it sucks i cant place it higher . sinc ehe only has five songs. bursts into tears sorry ok also random but it just feels really criminal for vibes ro be last. i love this song i just love the others more for various reasons waaaahhhhh

aaaand for a' 👍 im so excited for his headliner release in :checks calendar: october . strained smile

Pinch102gou – worlds most predictable baby pt2 ( its still me ) i dont even have a really good explanation other than the instrumentals have kept me captive for literally forever. oh yeha and i rlly kimuryos vocal performance its very cool . . . the lyrics are ❓️ if im being honest.i still dont know what he meant but its fine. i like it i dont have to understand

SorakaraHuruYume – this song makes me want to shatter into ten billion pieces i have a hard time listening to it purely bc it makes me stupidly emotional whej i thinkna little too hard in fact i havent even fully listened to it in a while bc i keep skipping and avoiding it cause i get really sad LMAO im ill

THE MIRROR HOUSE – this peaked i love it veryvery much the contrast between it and sorakarahuruyume is wild to me. anyways tho i like to look at the lyrics and jst sit down and think a bit its his second song talking abt mirror images . . . hrmmm

Kamukamu Miracle – I LOVE THE LYRICS FOR THIS SONG. theyre truly as fun as the instrumentals if we ignore his mental health streaks . its season one :] hes just a sillyguy :] and whatnot anyways this is Truly a nsfw song to me heart heart

RE:Morse – big fan of mirror imagery and stuff. i feel liek the lyrics here are an interesting glimpse into how a' views himself and his issues . . . . not rlly sure how to articulate my thoughts on this aside from theyre just kinda Separate from his identity raaaahhh what am i saying

Dakara Onegai Dakara – this song fucks i think it should be listened to more 👍 the lyrics are surprisingly ( or not rlly surprisingly bc this is a' afterall ? ) serious despite his instrumental whimsy what do you mean do you want to kill yourself why are you asking us man /silly

Masaka no Massacre! – worlds biggest sin is that i have literally never been able to find a tl for this song. who cares tho ig it can still be peak to me

Papipupepo de Rarirurero – no one loves this song like me. itd be second place if not for factoring in lyrics . the lyrics are ok papipupepo and rarirurero are really fun to say tho and i can spell it out without having to double check myself anymorw . heh

Yoiyami ni ainori – i looooove how this song sounds . nodding the lyrics are also interesting to me with the various meanings of some phrases in it

Crazy≒Nutrient – i rlly like how it sounds. im not gettung into the lyrics :seal eyes:

#HAPPY – the lyrics for this song are really sweet to be honest. a' happiness ambassador . . . . . . . . . . . . . . i like this song 👍 to be honest maybe it shld be a little bit higher but the instrumentals dont strike me as much as some of his other songs and such . but yes i think everyone shld read the lyrics nodding

Calling Cat – everytime i listen to this song i think of lady gaga im sorry anyways its a very solid song tho i think the lyrics are an interesting read . glimpses into his strange as fuck mind as they say(?)

Ningen Yametatte yo – this song is Very heavy instrumental wise. i think it is neat still . . . yeah :]

Yotsuba CLOVER – i wish i liked this song more like. its very good its jusr surprisingly not up my alley . the lyrics are quite nice however so hearttt

Mirai e – this song is alright . j feel like id like it more if i cld find a tl for the lyrics WAAAAHHHHH anyways not too much to say i feel like unfortunately. i do like the music break its very fun sounding everything else was just Average for me. is this mean

S≠O≒S – waaahhh. i have a complicated relationship with this song. i think the lyrics are ok and the music is fun but i juust feel like his other songs are Better im sorry sos i still like you

KKK->E – another one i cant find a tl for my misery but its ok 👍 this one is a weaker a' song imo like i like it but its not very nsfw soundign thay sounds awful hello . you know i mean it just doesn't sound like their bands usual music to me

[astroyongie]

EXO March Reading Edition

Note: Please remember to take my words lightly and to enjoy the reading !

Suho

Love: His situation is complicated, because Junmyeon is in a relationship, but currently things are a little complicated.They haven’t seen each other for a couple of times, they are having troubles communicating what they want. Because Junmyeon is pressed by his family to settle and marry but his partner doesn’t seem to want that life. He has been understanding of their needs and wants, but his voice his left out. Junmyeon spends a lot of time with his friends and I see someone that he will meet next week that will help him with this

Career: Overall things seem good, he only has some difficulty decisions to make concerning where his career is going. His managers are behind him, and he has good plans overall. Junmyeon dedicates himself by helping his members on their work but also helping other trainees and even other idols

Health:

Physical: Is going through some digestive issues, nothing serious  

Emotional: He is undergoing treatment his his past traumas and his emotional health that has been having hard time lately

Xiumin

Love: I didn’t got much info for Minseok’s reading. He is still dating his non idol partner and things seem to be going just fine. He is happy with his relationship and he might even think about taking this to the next step !

Career:  He had some collabs and projects he started to work on, but it seems like the company pushed it a little to be released later. He has been close to the higher ups and he is taking his career into his own hands. He doesn’t wish to become a collateral effect of SM’s issues

Health:

Physical: Blood pressure should be checked, because he has a bad circulation. Teeth and headaches are recurrent lately, also his legs feel heavy, probably due to that circulation thing  

Emotional: Working on his mental health, it’s a difficult period for him at the moment

Baekhyun

Love: His love life is confused, I don’t think Baekhyun is currently dating as an serious thing, but more having fixed flings with one person in particular.  The relationship is very discreet, not many people know about it, mostly because he wishes for it to be kept under the radar. He also doesn’t feel ready to give anyone a healthy relationship for the moment

Career:  He is extremely upset with how his career is being managed by the company at the moment. He feels stuck with ideals he doesn’t want to meet, there is arguments and I kinda see the company blackmailing him to do whatever they want him to do. Baekhyun clearly is getting fed up with their shit

Health:

Physical: Rather okay, just some headaches sometimes

Emotional: Mental health is awful and he isn’t being followed by a professional at the moment. Not only his hormonal issues don’t help him, but Back also doesn’t sleep well, he has depressive episodes and his mind is troubled

Chen

Love: Complicated, I don’t want to debate that much when it comes to Jongdae’s situation. I just want to say he has been spending more time with his “family of heart” (friends per exemple), then his actual family which generates conflicts

Career:  He is working on his solos activities again, he is getting everything ready and settled for. I also see him participating in a lot of tv shows and stuff like that, im working independently. However he isn’t happy with the company either, mostly because they don’t pay him in the right dates, and they keep juggling him and wanting different things for him

Health:

Physical: He is definitely sick with something, since all my sickness cards came out. It’s something related with his heart condition

Emotional: X

Chanyeol

Love: Chanyeol is still in a relationship. I will have to check if this person is the same person he was dating in August. In any case I see a lot of complicated moments on his relationship, mostly due to choices and not being in the same page with his partner. But other than that, he is in love and complexity into his relationship. I suppose he wants to take this further but his partner isn’t ready for it

Career:  So much conflict, like a lot. He has been arguing and fighting against his company, trying to communicate his feelings and his needs on his career, but the managers and higher ups discard his words. That gets him very annoyed

Health:

Physical: Rather okay, just some stomach aches sometimes

Emotional: He is okay and stable mentally

D.O.

Love: Kyungsoo seem to be single at the moment, he keeps getting disappointed in love and he isn’t happy with the people that cross his path romantically speaking. At the moment he is trying to focus only on his career and letting the rest come whenever it wants to come

Career:  A lot of things happening. I see that some coworkers aren’t happy with the path that he took, but he doesn’t care less. Kyungsoo is happy with his career, he is having a lot of projects to work on, he is being blessed with stable income and good karma. A lot of his projects are going well and this year he will show many colors, as a singer and actor as well.  

Health:

Physical: He also had some stomach issues but everything is okay now, he is under meds to fix that

Emotional: Needs to slow down and adapt himself to his natural emotional rhythm. He self doubts a lot

Kai

Love: His love status is.. well complicated to understand. I don’t know if he is still in a relationship or not, but this thing seem like it’s breaking into pieces. Jongin isn’t happy, he is disappointed and I feel like he will separate from this person unfortunately

Career: Despite his comeback being upon us, he doesn’t seem happy with his the whole thing was managed. Firstly because they discussed and argued a lot about what the comeback was supposed to be and again the company made him adopt something he didn’t fully agree with. But Jongin doesn’t have his say on this. Someone in the company wants to harm him

Health:

Physical: Insulina levels should be checked out for possible diabetes status, kidneys, liver and bladder as well, he needs to drink more water. His vertebras too, his body is getting used from dancing so much

Emotional: Rather okay mentally, but his toxic environment doesn’t help him

Sehun

Love: He too isn’t in a relationship, Sehun only has flings and recently he was having a fling with a older person that is divorced (they met in august 2022 and they started the fling around December). He knows that this won’t ever gets serious and for now he is just enjoying their company

Career:  He lost os much money, however thankfully he was bale to get it all back with some of his projects. There’s someone inside the company that supports him a lot, even financially. Because of that, even with minimum work he is able to secure a wealthy life

Health:

Physical: He is okay, he probably got a cold not long ago

Emotional: His energy is a little rocky but he is fine

Lay

Love: Okaaay.. I won’t be able to argument a lot on what is happening in Yixing’s love life.. Let’s say he is in a relationship, but things happens, responsibilities needs to be taken, family is involved. That’s all I can say

Career:  His relationship with work is extremely unhealthy but it’s making him very very wealthy so he keeps going. I see him traveling a lot this year for his career and business related things

Health:

Physical: Headaches due to lack of sleep

Emotional: Depressive episodes are recurrent and the boy doesn’t sleep, like at all and it’s extremely unhealthy. He also has unhealthy habits and consumptions, dark thoughts and a lot of issues that need to be solved

[freehawaii]

JANUARY FREE HAWAII NEWS - MAUIʻS MENTAL HEALTH CRISIS

What Role ʻThe Pacific Wayʻ Plays In Maintaining Mental Health For Hawaiians, Progress For Hawai`i At The United Nations, & Our Popular “Kumu Hinaʻs Mana`o”

The January “Free Hawaii News” show airing tonight, January 5th at 6 PM on `Olelo Television Channel 53 on O`ahu and online at FreeHawaiiNews.com reports on the serious ongoing mental health crisis being experienced by Maui fire victims. “It should be no surprise to anyone that after losing everything many Maui fire victims are experiencing serious mental health issues,” states Free Hawaii News co-host Hinaleimoana Wong. “Yet a mental health crisis such as this can be invisible to most people. We interview Kalena Lanuza, a Hawaiian mental health practitioner who explains how recovery for kanaka maoli or Hawaiian fire victims is very different from others and how Hawaiian cultural practices of old are fundamental components to their recovery.” Our January show also features Makua Valley activist Vince Dodge who explains the impacts and possible outcomes of US Army leases in Hawai`i as they come up for renewal starting in 2029 with the lease for Makua Valley on O`ahu. “Vince describes various possible futures for Hawai`i as the US military makes decisions about lands they occupy in our islands starting with the recent and long overdue announcement that they no longer plan live fire practice in Makua Valley now or in the future,” remarked Free Hawaii News co-host Leon Siu. Our January show also features reports about what role ʻThe Pacific Wayʻ plays in resolving a mental health crisis for Hawaiians, Progress for Hawai`i at the United Nations and also one of our most popular monthly segments, Kumu Hinaʻs Mana`o. Brought to you by the Koani Foundation, Free Hawaii News airs every month on `Ōlelo Television on O`ahu and on all neighbor islands. Check local listings for times.Free Hawaii News presents Hawaiian or kanaka maoli perspectives on a broad range of topics and issues affecting the Hawaiian Islands, the Pacific and the world. Hinaleimoana Wong is a kumu hula, filmmaker, cultural activist, Hawaiian language speaker, preservationist and community leader. She has served as a member of the O`ahu Island Burial Council. Leon Siu has for many years served as Foreign Minister of the Hawaiian Kingdom. He is active in that role at the United Nations in both New York City and Geneva, Switzerland. Besides being a diplomat, he is also an award-winning musician, composer and political analyst. “Free Hawaii News” is online at FreeHawaiiNews.com, Facebook, Instagram and other social media sites.

[religion-is-a-mental-illness]

By: Leor Sapri

Published: Dec 15, 2023

The core question in lawsuits over state-level age restrictions on “gender-affirming care” or former patients suing their providers for fraud or malpractice is whether sex-trait modification is an evidence-based and ethical medical practice. Recognizing the limits of their own knowledge on such matters, judges have turned to expert witnesses to help them understand the key issues at play. But since both sides in these legal contests appoint expert witnesses to back their claims (typically medical doctors and mental-health professionals), judges must determine which are more credible.

A recent exchange between Moti Gorin, an associate professor of philosophy and bioethicist at Colorado State University, and Alejandra Caraballo, a transgender activist and cyberlaw instructor at Harvard Law School, provides crucial insight into how these questions bear on the outcome of lawsuits over gender medicine. In a paper titled “The Anti-Transgender Medical Expert Industry,” published earlier this year in the Journal of Law, Medicine & Ethics, Caraballo argues that judges should disregard the opinions of medical professionals who testify on behalf of states seeking to restrict “gender-affirming care.” In a newly published letter to the editor in the same journal, Gorin shows the fatal flaws in Caraballo’s arguments. (The journal also gave Caraballo the chance to respond to Gorin.)

Caraballo devotes considerable space to maligning experts and organizations skeptical or critical of “gender-affirming care” as being driven by “anti-transgender” animus. As Gorin points out, these are

serious allegations, directed at named entities and individuals, and presented not on a social media platform or in the opening statement of an attorney engaged in courtroom advocacy but in the pages of a peer-reviewed, academic journal. One should therefore expect strong evidence in support of such allegations, in keeping with the usual norms of academic publishing. Those norms require, inter alia, that easily-verifiable factual claims be true, that accurate and otherwise adequate citations be provided, that the author avoid unnecessarily inflammatory language, and so on.

Caraballo provides zero evidence for these accusations. For example, Caraballo describes Stephen Levine, a professor of psychiatry at Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine with five decades of clinical experience treating gender dysphoric patients, as “one of the most prolific anti-transgender medical expert [sic] in the country” and claims that he “has not published peer-reviewed research in the relevant field.” As Gorin observes, however, “It is easy to confirm that this claim is plainly false.” Levine, who chaired the HBIGDA’s (now WPATH) Fifth Standards of Care and served on the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM-IV Subcommittee on Gender Identity Disorders, has many peer-reviewed publications in the field, including landmark papers like “The Myth of ‘Reliable Research’” that touch directly on the evidence base for pediatric gender medicine.

Gorin provides other examples of blatant falsehoods in Caraballo’s paper, raising the question of how the Journal of Law, Medicine, & Ethics could allow such defamatory statements to be made in its pages without even minimal corroboration. As Gorin later explained on X, academic publishing relies on a certain degree of trust. Editors and reviewers assume that scholars will not, for instance, blatantly mischaracterize sources they cite, as Caraballo appears to have done. Recently, a prominent physician argued that the scandal of pediatric “gender-affirming care” was made possible due to a “broken chain of trust” within the medical and scientific establishment, with activist clinicians and researchers exploiting the chains of trust built up over generations by their professional forebearers. That physician is Stephen Levine.

No less embarrassing for Caraballo than the many factual errors in the original article is Caraballo’s apparent misunderstanding of the rules of evidence in adjudication. Here, Gorin takes Caraballo to task on the author's own turf and shows a superior grasp of the issues.

First, some context. Courts are generally a bad forum in which to settle scientific debates. Among other problems, judges are not subject-area experts and have little time to master the nuances of scientific controversies; they must inevitably decide between competing claims of subject-area experts. By definition, such contests require non-experts to substitute their own judgment for that of at least one expert—a scenario that can easily undermine the judge’s credibility in the eyes of scientific critics.

In the 1923 case Frye v. United States, the D.C. Court of Appeals opined that it was hard to determine when a “scientific principle or discovery crosses the line between the experimental and demonstrable stages,” and that, in order to do so, judges should consider whether a scientific principle or discovery has “gained general acceptance in the particular field in which it belongs.”

In 1975, Congress adopted the Federal Rules of Evidence. Rule 702 states, “If scientific, technical, or other specialized knowledge will assist the trier of fact to understand the evidence or to determine a fact in issue, a witness qualified as an expert by knowledge, skill, experience, training, or education, may testify thereto in the form of an opinion or otherwise.” In the 1993 case Daubert v. Merrell Dow Pharmaceuticals, Inc., the Supreme Court held that Rule 702 supersedes the Frye test of “general acceptance." The Court laid out four criteria to guide judges in their assessment of the reliability of expert testimony:

1. The expert’s scientific, technical, or other specialized knowledge will help the trier of fact to understand the evidence or to determine a fact in issue; 2. The testimony is based on sufficient facts or data; 3. The testimony is the product of reliable principles and methods; and 4. The expert has reliably applied the principles and methods to the facts of the case.

It’s easy to see how these doctrinal issues bear directly on the current debate over “gender-affirming care.” When advocates of gender-affirming care maintain that these controversial procedures are evidence-based, they cite the consensus of professional medical associations. Critics point out that this consensus is manufactured and enforced through suppression of contrary viewpoints. They point out that consensus-based medicine is not necessarily evidence-based medicine.

Caraballo’s position is that expert testimony from the likes of Levine and the psychologist James Cantor—author of the definitive, peer-reviewed fact-check of the American Academy of Pediatrics’ policy statement on “gender-affirming care”—should be discounted on the grounds that Levine and Cantor do not directly provide “gender-affirming” medical treatments to minors and that they operate outside the consensus of U.S. medical associations.

Regarding the first claim, if clinicians do not approve minors for puberty suppression, cross-sex hormones, or surgeries, that might be because they don’t believe that these interventions are evidence-based and ethical. Moreover, as Cantor has explained in expert witness testimony, the expertise of clinicians is different from that of scientists. The clinician’s expertise “regards applying general principles to the care of an individual patient and the unique features of that case.” The scientist’s expertise “is the reverse, accumulating information about many individual cases and identifying the generalizable principles that may be applied to all cases.” Accordingly, Cantor writes, “In legal matters, the most familiar situation pertains to whether a given clinician correctly employed relevant clinical standards. Often, it is other clinicians who practice in that field who will be best equipped to speak to that question. When it is the clinical standards that are themselves in question, however, it is the experts in the assessment of scientific studies who are the relevant experts.” For good reason, Caraballo’s criterion—that a doctor must practice a type of intervention in order to qualify as an expert in the evidence base for that intervention—is neither mentioned nor implied in the Daubert standards.

Not just that, but clinicians who practice “gender-affirming care” are likely to find themselves in intellectual, professional, and financial conflicts of interest, which may produce confirmation bias and impair their ability to dispassionately assess the evidence for the care they provide.

In short, Caraballo’s characterization of who counts as an expert is a classic example of the No True Scotsman fallacy. Caraballo conveniently defines as “experts” only those who practice, and by implication agree with, “gender-affirming care” for kids. It would be as if we agreed to define only clinicians who practice lobotomy as “experts” on whether lobotomy is an evidence-based practice.

As for Caraballo’s second point, about “anti-transgender” experts being outside the consensus in the field, Gorin points out that, under Daubert, this should not disqualify the opinions of these experts. To recall, the court in Daubert explicitlyrejected the “general acceptance” standard in Frye as a prerequisite for determining the reliability of testimony. “It is easy to see why ‘general acceptance’ is too strict a requirement,” writes Gorin. “It would exclude from the start expert testimony that, despite being inconsistent with generally-held opinion or consensus, proves to be consistent with the truth.” Commitment to science means above all commitment to the scientific method. As the Court put it in Daubert, “The focus . . . must be solely on principles and methodology, not on the conclusions they generate.”

Caraballo’s typo-riddled response to Gorin’s criticism complains that he is “hyper fixat[ed] on minor errors rather than the broader argument.” (In fact, Gorin’s examples of Caraballo’s factual errors go to the heart of Caraballo’s thesis that the experts in question are driven by animus rather than good-faith disagreement with the prevailing consensus.) Caraballo then resorts to more mudslinging and name-calling, for instance characterizing Levine as a “conversion therapist” because he uses exploratory therapy for his pediatric patients rather than automatically “affirming” their self-diagnosed “gender identity” as permanent and eligible for hormonal treatments. To support the accusation, Caraballo cites a paper by a transgender bioethicist who opposes “gatekeeping” for drugs and surgeries on the grounds that teenagers should have the right to turn their bodies into “gendered art pieces.”

Caraballo then continues to impugn the motives of “anti-transgender” expert witnesses by claiming that they are paid for their work—an unremarkable observation and one that conveniently ignores the fact that experts on the other side are also paid. For example, Jack Turban is paid up to $400 per hour to testify against state age-restriction laws. (It was money well spent: Turban revealed that he does not understand the basics of evidence-based medicine.)

Speaking of ulterior motives: in a footnote, Caraballo discloses that “these witnesses provided a report that impacted my ability to access care when I visit family in Florida. I can no longer obtain refills there legally due to restrictions placed on adult care. Additionally, my care in Massachusetts has been severely affected by the large influx of trans people fleeing states such as Florida. While this may be an elective academic indulgence for Gorin, this affects my healthcare directly.”

Caraballo ends by wondering, “Why should gender affirming care be considered differently where non-practitioners of a field testify on the relevant standards, they themselves do not practice?”

The answer is simple: those who provide irreversible, sterilizing, and often disfiguring “treatments” to kids on the belief that these young people were “born in the wrong body” are ideologues who need to be reined in by their more professional colleagues. For Caraballo, apparently, only blood-letters should testify on the merits of blood-letting.

==

When activists get desperate, their lies get more egregious.

Caraballo needs to return his law degree. He's dangerously unqualified.

[johnny-bravo]

hi folks! if you're a fan of classic cartoons and/or Johnny Bravo, you're in luck! because i happen to have a fan-made Johnny Bravo reboot comic in the works! ✨🌈 😎

in this story, Johnny is still your classic womanizing goofball, getting himself into plenty of silly situations—but it'll also focus on some more serious topics as well, such as personal growth, mental health, issues with family, relationships, and so much more! 🩷 i'll be posting some of the characters and their short bios, so you can get a good feel for what to expect from them!

so, the main man himself—Johnny Bravo!

art by @radiostatic0 🩷

Johnny is, for lack of a better word, rather unpredictable. He's a hopeless romantic, always going after the ladies. He's confident, charismatic, but also has an ego the size of the galaxy—much to the detriment of the women he pursues so frequently.

He's the very poster of toxic masculinity in men all over. But love or hate him, there is no denying that Johnny is truly the life of the party wherever he goes. And, of course, he's got his soft side as well—the side more sensitive, loyal to those he cares about. Even though he usually won't admit it, Johnny really has a much bigger heart than he lets on.

got any feedback or ideas you'd like to share? you're always welcome to let me know, any time! 🩷✨

in which case, you should consider checking out our discord server! here, you can also catch some "behind the scenes" on the comic's progress, and chat with some other fans of Johnny Bravo! 😎