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elderwisp · 1 year ago

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Get to Know Me - Sims Edition

I was tagged by @happy-lemon Thank you very much this was a lot of fun :D

What’s your favorite Sims death?

- There was this one time I had a sim stargazing and completely out of a blue, a freaking meteor fell on them. I think this was TS2 but it was so random and honestly kinda hilarious so it’s my fave

Alpha CC or MaxisMatch?

- For TS2, I am a maxis match kinda gal. For TS3, I love alpha CC a bunch but clothing-wise, I like a mixture of the two. For TS4, it’s more a maxis mix but leaning heavily towards the maxis match. I guess I’m very open-minded to it all

Do you cheat your sims weight?

- Hecks nah

Do you move objects?

- All the time ALL THE TIME

Favorite Mod?

- Da pose player. Grateful 4 u everyday

First Expansion/Game Pack/Stuff Pack?

- The Sim’s 2 Castaways. Mucho fun, I think I’ve played the campaign a solid 20-30 times

Do you pronounce live mode like aLIVE or LIVing

- NO WAIT this is news to me I literally am just like live mode I didn’t know that there was like an actual phrase

Who’s your favorite sim that you’ve made?

- AHHHH ah this is so hard but I have to pick to OK hear me out but Frances and Atlas are near and dear to my heart. It’s funny because they were apart of a RP but they’ve been around since 2015 (y’all wanna see a pic? it’s so bad). I feel like there’s just a lot of history there and it’s so cool to see an idea just flourish from there and they just kinda stick with you for a good while. I also love Icarus and Taryn to death but like the deep and endearing kinda love has to go to Frances and Atlas

Have you made a simself?

- yis

Which is your favorite EA hair color?

- I like black hair a whole bunch

Favorite EA hair?

- The short, choppy hair from Cottage Living or even the pixie from Get to Work! I love short hair

Favorite life stage?

- Teen! Especially in TS2, I feel like because of the extensive world building and all of the drama, it just makes it super enjoyable!

Are you a builder or are you in it for the gameplay?

- Gameplay! I do like to decorate, but I’m not much of a builder

Are you a CC creator?

- I know how to make poses and some recolors but that’s just about it ;3; I also know how to skinblend in TS3 B) Sorta B)

Do you have any Simblr friends or a Sim Squad?

- No, there’s one person I still keep in touch with back when I was more active in the community but she no longer has a simblr. I would however like to branch out when I idk learn how to talk to ppl 💀

Do you have any sims merch?

- HAH no

Do you have a YouTube for sims?

- HAHAHAH hah that’s literally how I got into posting the sims. I uploaded three seasons of a sim story as well as some machinimas ;___; I took it down tho because while I was very proud of doing something from start to finish, it is a lil cheesy

How has your “Sims style” changed throughout your years of playing?

- I feel like in the very beginning, it was very minimal. Like I did not know how to push my game. Now I feel like it’s a lot more authentic to me. I’m not gonna lie, I have a lot of fun prepping any posts, I feel like I don’t have to think as much. It also helps that there’s an arsenal of really sick CC at my disposal

What’s your origin id?

- Elderwisp :)

Who’s your favorite CC creator?

- I really like sunivva hairs or everything by sforzcc for TS4. Pralinesims is carrying the whole accessories and makeup team for both games. For TS3, rollo-rolls or even pocci and milla. ATS3/4 is really awesome too omg ok I’ll stop

How long have you had simblr?

- I’ve had this blog for six years but I had a blog prior to this since freshman year of high school (maybe earlier) but I deleted it because this person I knew, found out about it and started like pressuring me to show others and I was so freaking uncomfy 💀 Dawg she forced me to make her a simself ANYWAYS so prolly like ten years

How do you edit your pictures?

- It’s kinda simple, especially now that I have been learning how to utilize reshade. However, I like to add texture to my photos, maybe a transparent film border. I also like to add in shadows and highlights. Sometimes I’ll add soft/hard light or linear/color dodge. After that, I mess with the curves or exposure of a picture before finally sharpening and exporting the photo

I am now realizing this is a lot 😂

What expansion/ gamepack is your favorite?

- SIMS. 3. LATE. NIGHT. Bridgeport is EVERYTHING I love city worlds!

I'm tagging @raiiny-bay @pleaseputnamehere @percosim and honestly anyone else my brain hurt

Bonus content: Prehistoric Atlas jumpscare below

#about me

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mythiccheroacademia · 4 years ago

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“All these kisses and hugs is not shit. You a damn drug, you're toxic.” —Kehlani

Word Count: 1.3K Pairing: Bakugo Katsuki x Reader Context: Everything is the same, you’re just pro-heroes. Oh, and Bakugo defintely broke your heart when you were younger, but for some reason, you two don’t want to act like that happened? Warnings: explicit language, sexual content (but no real smut), a couple laws were broken

Manga Recolor by XCamykoX on DeviantArt

All characters are 18+

A/N: You to me when I give you the look for feigning for this man. I swear I love Izuku. I just had to do it for the drabble. You’ll understand in a few lines. Also, idk if Hampton is a real place. I just saw it in a hotel ad and went along with it. Enjoy <3

Bakugo Katsuki | Toxic

Bakugo Bakugo Bakugo.

He was all that was in your mind and you knew it wasn’t supposed to be like that. He wasn’t supposed to make your stomach quiver or your legs tremble with anticipation. He was supposed to be the hallmark of your heartbroken memories—not the pillar of your desire.

You groaned before mentally making a verdict. You bolted upright and decided to trade in your battery-powered boyfriend for the real one.

Izuku.

Your boyfriend, you reminded yourself.

You shook your head. Today was a good time to be risky. You felt comfortable in your skin for once and confident enough that the right picture would make the usually reserved man run across town in four seconds flat.

Giggling in excitement, you felt your stomach fill with butterflies. You traded your pajamas for the white lacy lingerie you’d been keeping in your closet. You analyzed yourself in the mirror, adjusting the straps of the thigh highs for good measure. Smoothing down your fit, you grabbed your phone and tried to take an endearing snapshot of yourself.

The results made you frown. This wouldn’t do. It wasn’t demanding enough. Your eyes traveled around the room and your face brightened as an idea popped up in your head. You set the timer and set your phone against a stand.

The round of camera clicks allowed you to relax. Soon enough, each pose came easier than the last.

When you were done, you almost skipped to your phone. You couldn’t help the string of giggles that spilled from your lips as you scrolled through the photos.

These were the ones. They were enough to a send wave of goosebumps over your skin. The courage and exhilarant thrill that chilled your spine fueled you to caption the seductive pictures.

I’m feeling very lonely. Come keep me company?

You bit your lip to quell your nervous shivers. The photos were sent and all that was left for you to do was wait. You flopped face first on your bed and hopefully looked on your phone for that thrilling response of—I want you in X position by the time I get there—or something along those lines.

Things that Bakugo would say when you’d—

Stop it. Bakugo isn't who you want. It’s Midoriya.

You kept your thoughts positive as you scrolled through your texts. That is, until you noticed the messages weren’t conversations between you and your boyfriend.

Your heart sunk into your gut when read the contact name. Flicking to the number, your throat dried up as you read that the area code was 485 instead of 487.

No no no no no no no no no no no—

You scrambled onto your knees, panting as if you had run a 10k. Your chest ached as tears burned your eyes, your fingers fruitlessly scrambed on the smart screen for any type of recall button.

“Oh fuck,” you cursed.

Swallowing the rock in your throat, you sniffed and blinked away the tears. This was your fault. You decided to go ahead and act like a horny teenaged airhead instead of doing things the mature way. There was no point in crying about it now.

You forced yourself to take a quick look of who you sent the private pictures to.

Bakugo Katsuki.

Great.

You threw yourself down onto the bed, this time, letting a couple tears fall down your cheeks. You fucked up. Big time. Not only had you miserably failed at distracting yourself from the same man that you were supposed to stay away from, but now he had even more things to hold over your head.

As if leaving you for your best friend in college wasn’t bad enough.

You would never be able to live this down. How the hell were you supposed to face him tom—

Your phone rung.

Dread stung filled your chest. Without even having to look, you knew who was calling. His name ran bold across your homepage and the rhythmic piano song filled the corners of your room.

Couldn’t he just let you wallow in your misery? Did he really have to add on to the torment you would undoubtedly face tomorrow at work? Maybe if you just let it ring, he’d leave you alone.

…As if. This was Bakugo you were talking about.

It was better to face him now.

You pressed the answer button and spoke.

“I know I screwed up really bad, but remember how I thought I was dyslexic? The area codes looked the same out of the corner of my eye and I didn’t mean to send this to you and it was totally meant for Izuku—“

A deep husky voice reached your ears sending waves of pleasure to your core.

“Y/N L/N, what the fuck kind of game are you playing?”

The last time he used your full name was when his hands were rubbing down the hills and valleys of your body. You nervously played with the strap on your shoulders and continued.

“Bakugo, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to. I’m stupid. Just forget I ever sent the pictures and—?“ Your brows creased together as the sound of highspeed winds flowed through the speaker. “A-are you driving?”

The hero’s foot fell harder upon the gas pedal. “How the fuck can I forget about that when I know you own the lingerie you have in my dreams?” Bakugo blared the horn of his car and swerved around a slower vehicle. “You make me regret living in shitty Hampton.”

Your eyes widened. Hampton? Was he driving 45 minutes to—

“No, Katsuki. Go back. I’m begging you.” You didn’t realize the silk-laced voice was yours until seconds after.

“Sweetheart, I don’t want you begging for that reason. You wanna play games? Fine. When I get there, I’ll make sure to play every position in the book. But for now, I’ll entertain you. I know this is really rushed but, baby, are you wet?”

Your mouth was dry but your body was flushed. You couldn’t lie to yourself any longer. You loved it when his desperate voice was still as gruff as it was. You loved the way he’d become frenzied with arousal over a few pics. For crying out loud, he was taking a 45-minute drive to your house because of three pictures.

But Izuku. Simple, boring, good-two-shoe, Izuku. He was your boyfriend. You couldn’t let Bakugo bust in here and take you—no matter how much you wanted him to.

Besides, were you going to let the same man that broke your heart reclaim the pieces just because you were horny?

You sighed.

“Look, Bakugo. I would really appreciate it if you just deleted the pictures and forgot about it.” You gave a distorted chuckle. “Or you could delete it and make fun of me for the next twenty years. Anything, you want.”

“I want you prince/ss—“

You hissed at the nickname.

“Baby…”—you couldn’t even be bothered to stress over the pet name—"Please go back. From what I hear, you're breaking twenty-five state laws and twenty-four federal ones. It’s two in the morning and we both have to be at work in five hours. And I don’t wanna deal with the paparazzi if they catch you here. So go back home. For me?”

Choice words flew from his lips. Then there was the sound of tires screeching to a halt. Bakugo heavily exhaled.

“Damn you, Y/N. You drive me fucking crazy, you know that?”

Relief came as a nervous chuckle. You placed your hand on your chest. “Thank you and, again, I’m so sorry. We can laugh about this later today. And—“

“But you still haven’t answered my question.”

You inhaled sharply at the curt tone of his voice.

“W-what question?”

“Are you wet?”

#katsuki bakugou #mha drabble #bnha scenarios #bnha bakugo x reader #bakugo x y/n #midoriya izuku #izuku x reader #izuku x y/n #I can't even blame you for being a lil stupid #katsuki has demon dicc #2.5k follower event and celebration!

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comradelionheart · 3 years ago

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This is where I feel safest.

In the blueness of this site, held in comfort as if under my blanket of soft fur.

No one here will ever know who I am or the people I speak of. No one can find me here. I have a questionable habit of running off to avoid being witnessed when I fail or am in pain, and this is where I run to. It is luckily not a boy this time. Well, it’s sort of that too, but not predominantly.

I haven’t shut G out this time. When I thought I’d lost my shot at the job I deleted my WhatsApp and all other social media, and refused to surface until I was willing to face people again. This isn’t unlike when I graduated college uncertain of what to do with life next and just... vanished. I’d a pretty promising presence on Facebook that could potentially have introduced him and I sooner, but I guess life unravels at its own pace and nothing can force it to go sooner or slower. I’ve grown rather accepting of failures because I have unfortunately grown accustomed to them. It’s almost like I expect to meet with resistance or failure each time something nearly works out and in this case I can’t say I willed it upon myself. I literally tested positive for TB. Which is amusing since those are my ex’s initials, and is yet another TB which seems to be hampering my progress.

Dry humour is what I’m best at if I’m being my authentic self. I must unfortunately smile and wave because I’m a woman and need to be likeable to get anywhere in my line of work. That isn’t to say I’m a sociopath or hate people. I just wish I didn’t have to pretend to be interested in their lives and feign amusement at their not so novel ideas. Pretty sure I’ve not so novel ideas too, but I don’t need to be indulged for the sake of my (not) fragile ego. Anyhow.

I applied for this job early in the year and didn't expect to hear from them (because the first few years of my work life had me flailing and coping with depression instead of steering my career, and I know I shouldn’t grudge her for this but I do). But I did hear from them. And everything went through. Including 3 rounds of aptitude tests and a personal interview (which I thought I bombed but didn't somehow). Until I tested positive on a skin patch test for TB. Why do these stupid standard sets of tests get prescribed world over? Honestly, if I’m ever supreme leader of anywhere I will ban standardised tests. Not in the way that I say medicine is a sham, not at all, but in the way that WE LIVE IN THE THIRD WORLD AND WILL OF COURSE HAVE TAKEN THE BCG OR HAVE BEEN EXPOSED TO THE BACTERIA AT SOME POINT BUT IT’S NOT NECESSARILY EVER GOING TO BE ACTIVE SO USE A BETTER AND MORE CONTEXT SPECIFIC TEST INSTEAD OF GIVING ME ANXIETY AND EXISTENTIAL CRISES LIKE THESE, JFC. 😭😭😭

But I’ve taken the other test and that’s also got the drawback of being unable to differentiate between inert and active TB. So I took an HRCT scan. I’m so sick of running around hospitals, there’s a literal virus in the air. But Monday is when I’ll know the medical verdict. And then there’s the whole security check process. I hate when this happens but I’ve lost so much time to grief, I simply cannot sit around moping any longer.

Earlier this year I interviewed with the **. I was given a verbal confirmation and had a text message implying an offer was made to me, because I received an acknowledgement to my acceptance of an offer. If I was the person I was in 2014, I’d have kicked up a fuss and made sure that offer was honoured, but 2021 me knows that working with bosses who go back on their word slyly and cave to nepotism usually need their cocks sucked. And I’m not only incapable of that, but have also dealt with enough workplace harassment elsewhere to be adamant about a brand at the risk of my mental health. But really, he can go suck it because I have confirmation from staff that he is EVERYTHING I read him to be. I’m not intuitive or anything, I just read people very well because I was hurt so bad by them (repeatedly since childhood) that reading people became a thing I did for survival. My sharp instincts serve me well, but are a trauma response. I am very self aware too, yes.

I then interviewed and got through an NGO that was willing to pay me 24L. I turned it down because the founders were running around like headless chicken with their inability to distinguish PR from Marketing Comms (me) from Marketing for business development. I know I was being paid a lot of money, but I will not kill myself performing all three functions while being acknowledged for just the one on my offer letter. I’ve learned to value my labour capacity and assert myself in the economic and political spheres.

Personally though? I sometimes still think I’m a romantic pushover.

But this is about work because I need to weep a little before being calm about how this year has treated me. Especially since I’m maintaining a cool demeanour in public and literally hate sharing things I’m burdened with. Idk man, it makes me feel vulnerable and I don’t like feeling like I’ll get a knife twisted in the spot that's most sore. I AM SCREAMING BECAUSE I HAVE LET G WITNESS ME IN PAIN THIS TIME INSTEAD OF RUNNING AWAY and will someday file copyright over An Enduring Romantic because that’s very honestly me. But ofc it isn’t going to be the legal Copyright, just the sham notice like the one I’d sent him to up his Instagram game. Or he could just operate my Twitter and I’ll run his gram. It’ll even feel natural.

Sometime around May an environmental journal asked me to come on board. Work from the office at the height of the pandemic with no travel compensation and very little money. I turned them down. Then came II**. Which I again turned down because they wouldn’t pay market rate for skills I’ve perfected in 4 years just because they wanted 8 years experience on paper for my quotation. I will do a lot for causes I love, but I also really enjoy being paid fairly and acknowledged for the value I bring to the table.

Then came the start up in Del. Which I turned down because the uncle running it in his wife’s name expected 24*7 labour availability for 12L with no health insurance.

The latest in my list of things I’ve turned down is the ** Gov. Which I can obviously go back to since my reason for turning it down was another job, but 14 days of leave all year? 7 day work week if needed? Hell no. I enjoy having labour rights. But also when I told the dude I’d be reporting to if I accepted that I cant accept due to covid concerns his reaction was “sure, send me an email so we can start looking for someone else immediately.” Like.... we just had a second wave, what if something was wrong? I wouldn’t risk losing my job because they expect work even if I were hypothetically coughing up blood. So best not to touch with a bargepole. Now I’m less sad, but also really hope the TB results are negative. This job I want and have said yes to ticks off all of the boxes in my head and I will truly be disappointed if I lose it to disease paranoia despite being completely suited and picked for the role 😞

Just to be on the safer side, I have taken one last shot at achieving my goal of ‘learn how political systems work so you know what you’re talking about first hand in that PhD.’ I hope my Plan A works out instead, though.

Since I’ve brought him up in this, it will be interesting to note that a year ago I did the erstwhile unthinkable act of cutting a friend of for attempting to steal a man I love. A year ago to the date, literally. Funny how this year is more calm, but I was maxed out on endorphins from him last year. Until this March even, if I’m being truthful. I don’t regret cutting her off.She crossed a vvvv red line. ALL my other friends are celebrating. They detested her.

Another thing that happened last year was me letting him know that I only get hotter with time, but along with this work drama I have also had a run in with intense grief which I thought was a mood disorder (because it was intense, I mentioned?), cholesterol, thyroid, sugar addiction and now, le TB (PLEASE BE A FALSE POSITIVE YESU KRISTU HALP). So needless to say, I haven’t been most fabulous and undergone my physical transformation and these mental health struggles (are getting better now) strapped me to my couch along with the pandemic and its many lockdowns. I have also not studied for the GRE because I’m stimulus seeking via social media and fear of sucking at math has kept me locked in place. I still have a lot to work through on this front and would really like to make his cover right too, but my creativity isn't working and I keep fucking it up. I am not as spectacular as I was last year. The separation has also weathered my dazzle out a little and while I’m living with it, I still have small waves of sadness that show up once in a while.

I might have also accidentally flirted with someone into falling for me. It was all fun and games and for my pride, but now I’ve to gently let them down since I’ve cold feet and am chicken. Because I’m as emotionally unavailable as a streetlamp. Is this why they call me a Gurgaoni fuckboi?

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years ago

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Survey #289

“life by life / waste to waste / i’m the harbinger, the master of decay”

How often do you watch the news? Never. Would you rather read the news online? Yeah. Speaking of being online, what website do you visit the most? YouTube. Have you ever held a snake? Plenty. Ever caught a turtle? What about a crawfish? Turtles, yes, as a kid. Please do not take animals out of the wild for no good reason, people. I never touched crawfish because they looked scary lmao. Have you ever eaten gumbo? Idk what that is. Or do you not like spicy food? I enjoy spicy food, but not nearly as much as when I was a teen. Back then, I loved the adrenaline rush, now I just wanna enjoy my food like a normal person, lol. Do you own a bottle of hand sanitizer? Do you like how it smells? Does anyone NOT at this time? Or even before, really? But anyway, no, I don't like the smell. Do you own a pool table? What about an air hockey table? Or a foosball table? Okay so one of the coolest things we had when I was younger was this table that had different "tops" to change out to turn it into various games like these. Like, it was all in one. I don't THINK we still have it? Do you live with your parents? Are you cool with that? I live with my mom, and right now, it's the better idea for many reasons. I feel like shit about it, though. I'm nearly 25. Even if I was financially independent though, I would not be able to handle living all alone with my depression and all. When did/when do you want to move out? Hopefully when I have a stable job and long-term relationship. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Are you better at catching or throwing? Probably throwing. I can't catch for shit. Do you ever play computer games? Just WoW nowadays. Did you used to have a lunchbox? Yeah, I went through a few. How often do you/did you bring your lunch to school? Whenever I didn't like what was on the menu. And mind you, I was and still am very picky. What was/is your favorite school lunch? I think the chicken sandwiches. When was the last time you wore a hat? What kind of hat was it? Oh yikes, who on Earth knows. It has to have been years. Maybe a Carolina Hurricanes one to a hockey game I went to with Dad. I don't really wear hats. Have you ever tried to ghost hunt? If so, did you catch anything? No. Do you prefer gold or silver? What about diamonds or pearls? Earrings or bracelets? Necklace or rings? Or are you not a jewelry person? Gold; diamonds; earrings; rings (I think). I don't care all that much about jewelry, though. Have you ever made jewelry? Not really, just kiddy crafts stuff. Do you have any unique hobbies? Meerkat RP. Have you ever broken a window? If so, what with? I don't believe so, no. Have you ever had surgery? If so, what on? Yeah. I had tubes put in my ears as a kid, and I had a cyst removed from... directly above my ass lmaoooo. Pilonidal cysts are awesome. Do you know any boys named Ashley or Lesley or Lynn? I don't believe so. Do you prefer coffee or hot chocolate? Hot chocolate, for sure. Do you like green tea? Tea is gross. Do you like to play Freecell? What about Hearts? Or Mahjong? I only know Mahjong, and I've never played that. I used to watch Mom play it on the computer as a kid, though. Idr the rules. Does your family own guns? No. Have you ever been given flowers? Were they from a relative or someone special? Both. Have you ever ridden on a motorcycle? No, and I doubt I will. I'm not like... really scared of them, as a matter of fact they seem really fun, they're just too risky for my liking. Have you ever seen a dead body? At an open-casket wake, yes. What does your umbrella look like? It's just an ordinary black one. Is anyone you know pregnant? HOLY FUCK, I think 90% of my Facebook friends are preggo. It seems like EVERYONE is expecting. Ha, one of my closest friends is legit pregnant with triplets after JUST having a son... She's in for a ride. Does your family do reunion gatherings? No, we're too spread out. What would you order to drink if you were in a bar right now? A strawberry sangria sounds pretty great. When was the last time you had a first kiss? I'm guessing you mean like, my first kiss with the last person I was with? A few summers ago when we were out on the porch making s'mores and dancing like some cheesy fucks lmao. How many homes have you ever lived in? If you don't count the apartment I wasn't an official resident of or staying with a friend for a month due to homelessness, we just moved into our fifth. Or sixth. It's too early when I'm taking this for math. Have you ever donated money to charity? Yeah. What’s your favourite type of exercise? Swimming. How many jobs have you had? Three or four... I'm not even sure because they were so incredibly short because fuck me and my anxiety, right? Who do you stalk the most through Facebook? Nobody. Have you ever deleted your Facebook, then brought it back? No. Write the first song that pops into your head: Well, I'm listening to "Freak On a Leash" right now. Has anything interesting come for you in the mail lately, besides bills? Nah. What is your main responsibility each day? Making sure my cat has food, water, and a clean litterbox. Do you feel like you fulfill those responsibilities? Yeah. I've slacked on the box before on bad mental health days where I can barely force myself to do anything, but I'm usually on top of it. Were you in the wrong during your last argument with someone? I don't recall what my last argument was. I think something w/ Mom. What bands did you used to love, that you don’t listen to much anymore? Hm. It's pretty rare I leave behind bands I've LOVED, so. Are you counting down to anything? tomorrow crihmus When was the last time you used spray paint? Oh, I have no idea. Maybe for an art project in HS? What color are the chairs at your kitchen table? Brown. Have you ever or do you plan on donating to any charities? Which ones? I've donated to some you would like pass by in the store if I had some spare coins or dollars on me, and when I cut my hair to as short as it is now, I donated it all to Children With Hair Loss. One of my most cherished memories is getting the certificate that it was used. I'm sure there's more, especially for school, but idr them. I 110% want to donate to charity streams when I have my own income source. Do you believe that life only gets harder or easier? I mean, this depends on your unique life. Do you know the middle name of the last person you kissed? Hm. I don't think Girt has a middle name, and I don't think Tyler ever told me because he was embarrassed by it. I know Sara's. Have you ever had sex with 2 different people in the same week? No. Who is the friendliest person you know? Probably my friend Girt. Last song you listened to? "Milk and Cookies" by Melanie Martinez is on rn. Something that annoys you about summer: Just ONE thing???? Just about everything does. The only thing I enjoy is all the flowers. Well hell, that's even mostly a spring thing. It's mostly just... plain green in the summer. At least here. Too hot for damn flowers to survive. Something that annoys you about winter: The fact that if it snows here, we get barely anything at all. e_e Are the doors of your fridge side by side or on top of one another? Side by side. When was the last time you burned a body part other than your hands/fingers? I actually just burned the roof of my mouth yesterday. If you’ve moved out of the house you were born in, do you know the people who live in that house now? Nope. What’s one food that you eat more than twice a week? Definitely some form of bread. Do you like zombie movies? No opinion, really. What's the grossest/worst thing you’ve ever seen in a public restroom? UGH. This one time I was in the bathroom with Colleen (it's a girl thing lmao) at a gas station, she did what she normally does and checks under the seat, aND IT WAS COVERED IN BLOOD. It was fucking disgusting. What’s the most wasteful thing you regularly do? Ugh... use plastic bags when disposing of Roman's "business" in the litterbox. I feel absolutely awful using one every other day. If I wait any longer than that, Mom gets mad. What’s the most difficult apology you’ve ever had to give? Probably to Jason via that letter. That honestly wasn't that difficult after having fully accepted I fucked up too, though. I don't generally find it hard to apologize when I know I was wrong. Have you ever volunteered in a hospital? If not, would you ever want to? Fuck no. They depress the hell out of me. What was your worst Halloween costume? Idk, I don't remember almost any of mine. When was the first time you can remember feeling mature? When I checked into the doctor by myself. Yes, I know how sad that is at nearly 25. Have you ever had a disappointing Christmas, or any disappointing holiday if you don’t celebrate Christmas? As a kid, there was just one where I was disappointed in what I got. SO fucking ungrateful looking back on that shit. I can't even imagine feeling anything like that now. I cherish Christmas deeply, especially now with nieces and a nephew who experience such joy at Christmastime, and I get to see my dad and his wife and stepson, too. At this age, it truly is about family to me. Do you have any character bandaids in your house right now, or just plain ones? I think we may have some princess ones and some "boy" kind for if the kids are ever over. AKA never because their dad is far more concerned about only including his family in their lives. I don't think Ryder's ever even visited our house, and he's like, four years old. My sister's husband's parents live directly down their road, but still. It hurts Mom and I a lot that we don't seem to matter when it comes to visiting *us*. Have you ever had to give a pet away? Yeah, plenty of times with our old cat nest. What's the junkiest junk food you’ve ever eaten? I dunno, probably something at Disney as a kid. Did you play pretend a lot as a child? Were there any recurring plots or themes? Yeah. I had my "good guys" - a family of alligators, deer (um they were married and had kids don't ask me, man), and some Pokemon figurines - and three big dinos that were the "bad guys." How do you feel about runny egg yolks? Egg yolk is fucking repulsive. The one and only way it's going down my throat is in scrambled eggs. Has a teacher ever tried to teach you something that was undeniably wrong? Not that I remember. If for some reason you had to give up one of your hobbies, which would you choose? I dunno, I have so few already... Maybe World of Warcraft? I almost quit it recently anyway because I was bored and yet it took up so much of my time, but it'd be hard now with a new expansion having just come out with soooo much to do. Man... I dunno. Have you ever hidden a relationship from your family? No. How much do you know about first aid? No more than the average joe, really. Which of your relatives do you know the least about? Sadly, probably my dad's oldest daughter. I know only two things about her with certainty. Have you ever meditated? If so, did it do anything for you? Yes, and all it does is make me fidgety and lets me think too much. When was the last time you got ice cream from a truck? Hm... maybe when I was at a beach when I was on vacation with a friend? I was like, a pre-teen then though, so it's been forever. Do you know any sex workers? If so, how do they feel about their job? Not that I'm aware of. And honestly, I have mixed feelings, but I think I lean more towards it being just fine so long as boundaries are set and there are very clear understandings with each other. And you ABSOLUTELY need to be safe about it. I'd far rather people get off with a consenting individual than in... y'know, other ways. It's not my business, anyway. What’s the biggest art project you’ve ever attempted? How did it go? In high school, I did a huge acrylic painting on burlap of meerkats grooming. I am to this day still so proud of it; I worked so hard on it. I love how the fur came out, especially. I do wish I could do over the background, though. What kind of wild animals do you see most frequently where you live? Excluding the obvious birds, there are tons of squirrels, and you see opossum and racoon roadkill a lot, tragically... Every now and then, you'll see deer in fields in the morning or dusk. Have you ever cooked anything other than s’mores over a fire? Yeah, hot dog.s Are there any items in your house that you use for something other than its intended purpose? I'm positive there's something. Probably everyone has an example. OH! Looking in just my room, Venus' terrarium has saran wrap covering the top to help keep humidity in. What do you hope the afterlife is like? Really, I go back and forth between hoping it's like... this state of nirvana and where you reunite with loved ones and experience infinite peace if deserved, or just the entire lack of existence anymore. I wonder sometimes if I'd want to be sentient forever. But, with me believing in a spirit realm, I don't think the latter is the case. What’s the worst behavior you’ve ever seen from a child? I think I once saw a kid smack their parent's arm or something? I don't really know. Have you ever planned an act of revenge? "No, but i daydream about it." <<<< Ha, yeah, I have. Do you and your parents share any of the same hobbies? Yeah. Mom surprised me when she told me she likes writing (even though I never see her do it), and Dad likes video games. Do you have any physical photo albums? Yes. Would you feel comfortable working at a sex shop? NOPE. Who was the worst friend you ever had? It's funny, Colleen did incredible things for me, but she also fits this description, too... Have you ever campaigned for a political candidate, or otherwise played an active role in an election? I mean, I voted, does that count? What’s the coolest hand-me-down you’ve ever gotten? What about the best one you’ve ever given? I have no idea. Do your parents and grandparents get along with each other? Dad got along perfectly fine with his parents, but my mom and her mother had a rocky history. Grammy treated her awfully sometimes. They'd been fine for many, many years, but Mom could never forget some things and always felt like she wasn't "good enough" in her eyes. I'm pretty sure Mom got along just fine with her dad. Do you have any framed photos of your pet(s)? Yes. Do you share photos of your pet(s) on social media? Um, duh. In 3 words, describe the last male you talked to. Who WAS the last guy I talked to... Do you own any of your favorite films on DVD? Which one(s)? No. Have you watched anything on Netflix lately? No. The last thing I did on Netflix was watch the first episode of The Witcher, and even though I liked it, I didn't continue. I just... don't enjoy watching TV, especially if it really requires you to pay attention. Have you ever heard someone snoring and thought it sounded cute? Besides animals, no. Are you particular about what you eat? In what way(s)? Yeah, I'm VERY picky, especially with textures. Is anyone close to you particular about what they eat? In what way(s)? Yes, my niece. She's autistic and has the symptom of being incredibly picky with things like textures, too. She is the one child I have ever known that doesn't really like eating. Is there someone in your life who can always make you smile? Always, no. Have you worn lipstick at any time recently? What color? No. I last wore black forever ago just to take pictures. Do you like wearing eyeshadow to match the color of your clothes? No; in the very rare instance I put on makeup, the eyeshadow is always black. What song reminds you of your childhood? Jesse McCartney songs, for sure. And Backstreet Boys. What’s your least favorite month? Maybe August. I'm sick and beyond tired of summer by that point. Nothing exciting going on. What do you do when you’re bored in class and not paying attention to the teacher? When I was in school, I honestly always paid attention because I wanted to pass. Have you ever baked a pie? No. Last person you shared food with? Mom. Do you know any mechanical stuff about cars? Definitely not. Were you smiling in the last picture taken of you? I don't think so, if that witchy photoshoot was the last time I had a pic taken of me. Do you answer the phones at your job? I did at two old jobs. Were you a hyper or mellow kid? I was kinda hyper. What are you drinking? Would you believe me if I answered "water"????? Did you get any compliments today? No. What last made you laugh? I think a moment in a WoW stream I was watching last night. Which of your friends is the easiest to talk to? Sara. What was your best summer ever? /shrug Do you have a favourite sibling? No. What color is the blanket/quilt on your bed? Navy and black. Favorite milkshake flavour? Just chocolate. Sometimes I'm in the mood for vanilla, though. Best year of your life? 2017. It's funny how that year started with a suicide attempt but wound up being the best year of my life. NEVER hestitate to reach out for help when you need it. How loud do you like your music in the car? Too loud lmao. Prefer to write or read? Write. Favourite apps? Pokemon GO, haha. What is a fruit you refuse to eat? Absolutely refuse? Maybe like, cantaloupe. Would you rather gain weight or lose weight? It'd to fuckin fantastic if I could lose 100 pounds. :^) I gained like thirty since moving... Would you rather gain height or lose height? Gain a tiny bit, I guess? But I'm fine with where I'm at. Are both your eyes the same color? Yes. Do you like glittery things? Yes, but not touching them and getting glitter everywhere. Ever watched a play in the theatre? Yes, at Disney World and also for school field trips. How many followers do you have on instagram? A depressing amount for someone desperately trying to be a photographer lmaooo. I mean I don't post on it a lot, so that doesn't help, but yeah. My secondary photography account (for roadkill/vulture culture stuff) has more than my main one. How about twitter? Don't use it. How much would I have to pay you to get you to do karaoke? I don't know, I'd be terrified of embarrassing myself. Last time you went ice skating? Never. Painting or drawing? Drawing, by far. Art or science? Now that's tough, but art. Dancing or singing? Dancing. History or geography? Geography is interesting. Favourite season? Autumn. Do you watch Supernatural? I did up to the end of Season 6. I loved it, I just was losing interest in TV, and also Jason and I broke up (we always watched it together) so I didn't want to watch something triggering memories. If you could change your eye color would you? Yes, to either a pure sapphire blue or emerald green. Are both your ears pierced? Yes. Are you lying down? Yes. Is there a tv in your room? No. Do you celebrate Thanksgiving? Yeah. Do you like fortune cookies? Yeah, they're oddly tasty. Do you have anxiety? You fuckin bet I do. Favorite clothing shop? RebelsMarket. How do you feel about peeing in a cup at the hospital? Is it embarrassing? No? It's too normal to be embarrassing. I mean I wrap toilet paper around it so you don't actually see, y'know, but I'm not embarrassed carrying that. Do you prefer fruit or vegetables? Fruit, by a long shot. What do you hate being called? "Bee." An old best friend who did nothing but lie about her entire life called me that. What color is the last car you were in? White. Ever studied abroad? No. Ever pulled out a tooth? Yeah, when I was a kid. Three celebrity crushes? Mark Fischbach, Link Neal, Hannah Hart. Ever been married? No. Are you proud of yourself? In most ways, no. Do you like grapes? Yep. How often do you cook for your family? Never. Is anyone in your family a lawyer? My cousin is, actually. Is anyone in your family an architect? Don't think so. Own any crystals? No. Favourite thing to write with? (pen, pencil, highlighter) Pencil. Top 5 favourite alcoholic drinks? I don't know, I haven't tried enough that I actually enjoy. Would you date someone bald? Yeah. Would you date someone who doesn’t want kids? I don't want kids either, so that's the only kind of person I'd date. That's something you can't really disagree on if you plan on lasting. Do you like candles? Sure. Favorite memory with a sibling? I dunno, probably something from when we were little kids playing together.

#survey #surveys #quiz #questions #lyrics: ''master of decay'' by 3teeth

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chernoblank · 5 years ago

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Ulana's sartorial choices

Everything she ever wore, going from this, to this:

Now, I’m not a fashion connoisseur by any means, and tbqh I’m more likely to dress like her or worse than her IRL, so grain of salt and all that. All gifs are mine. Images are either screenshots or from HBO/BBC/not mine. Sorry for potato quality.

Lab wear

So, we first meet Ulana in her lab, asleep at her desk, on April 26, 1986 at 8:30. We can either assume she: a) spent the night in her lab and fell asleep, b) came ungodly early and fell asleep. I hope it’s b), because she doesn’t change clothes the next day, which would make her be wearing the same shirt for 3 days straight if it’s a)

So we have a red button up shirt, with a dark red/purple tight-ish cardigan. She’s wearing a watch on her right hand (?), a golden locket necklace, and a ring on her left hand.

Before you all freak out like I did, I’m told married rings are worn on the right hand over there - certainly the other characters do. This also seems to be some kind of jewel ring, not really a marriage alliance. We’ll revisit it later.

Not really lipstick.

Here are her reading glasses, typical 80s round glasses, I remember my mother, teachers etc wearing those

Even though she wears her watch on her right hand, Ulana operates the instruments with her right hand so she’s not a leftie.

Here’s a glimpse of her skirt.

Girl, what? I mean, kudos for vaguely matching because the um, pink bird poo motives of the fabric kind of go with the red on red theme she’s doing but uuuh.

Party Headquarters

Ulana grabbed a really fucking ugly brown leather overcoat, a brown briefcase and her black? purse and went to the Party Headquarters dressed as she was. Not really lipstick again.

But! We see her shoes, and oh my god, I like them.

Here’s a purse close-up

Smallish purse, nothing worth talking about.

Now, in the show continuity, night falls in Pripyat, Valery goes to the hotel, the next morning they start dropping sand and boron.

Back to the lab

The next time we see Ulana she’s in her lab, it’s daylight, and Dmitry’s hair looks like he hasn’t gone to bed all night. I can only presume they stayed in the lab worrying all night.

Ulana looks relatively groomed, but is still wearing the same button up dress shirt (unless she owns, idk, 10 of them and wears them all the time), but now has added a wonderful, enormous BRIGHT ORANGE cardigan.

Peak Ulana fashion.

Now it seems her skirt is brown (possibly grey?) but it’s difficult to see.

For my sanity, I’m going to pretend she went home, had a shower, and changed clothes at some point in the evening, and she just happens to really really like those red shirts. It might even be that this is a darker red shirt, hard to tell.

Pripyat

Ulana drives to Pripyat herself, is stopped, and brought to Valery and Boris. I have no words for what she’s wearing. First glimpse here. Very little lipstick, if any.

Here she is, in all her glory

The lighting really sucks on this gif and I’m sorry. But it looks like the skirt is grey and different from the bird poo one. So at least she changed! I like this skirt, actually. The scarf thing, I, um, well, I have no words, again.

Can I just point out that even dressed so unfortunately, Emily Watson is SO GORGEOUS and I’m in love with her? Her eyes, aaa

The lipstick that is visible in the still image above seems “show make-up” because it doesn’t look very visible in the action scenes. The shirt is, you guessed it, red.

She’s still wearing her ORANGE CARDIGAN underneath, in case you were doubting.

I’ll just leave this here because I can

Same, Boris. S A M E.

Kremlin

Now the stakes are higher! Ulana had to up her game.

Now, on my first couple of watches of this scene, I thought her dress was underwhelming and a little inappropriate. I mean, it’s definitely not what I’d wear if I were to meet the President of my country in a formal meeting.

But on second thought, idk, the material looks nice, it’s sober, the neckline isn’t too low, she removed all of her bling. It looks like a formal-ish working dress. About 100 steps above anything we’ve seen her wear so far, in any case.

Edit: 29/09

Now you all know my theory about how she came to wear that, but it’s not out of the question that she thought of packing something vaguely formal before going to Pripyat, and this so happened to be the best thing she had on hand.

My girl is wearing more evident lipstick now, her hair is combed, and she looks amazing. Second best look of the series, imo.

Back to Pripyat

Next time we see Ulana is in Episode 3, on May 2-3, working at the bar of the hotel when Valery joins her to flirt ask her to go to Moscow. Now bear with me, the lighting is atrocious for the whole scene.

Bare legs unff. Excuse the shitty brightening:

She is wearing a grey cardigan, a skirt (possibly grey BUT SEE BELOW), what seem to be her nice shoes of episode 2 and a red shirt again, but this one with a uhh, questionable pattern. Little lipstick again. Also she’s definitely writing with her right hand in this scene.

I think she really really likes red clothes ok?

BUT WAIT

I brightened the scene as much as I could

Edit 29/09:

IT’S NOT A SKIRT

SHE’S WEARING A DRESS

A RED DRESS WITH THAT WEIRDO PATTERN

IN THE MIDDLE OF AN IRRADIATED ZONE

man sometimes I make leaps in fic character-wise and then I realize I was actually right and just lmao Ulana ilu

Moscow - Nurse

Not much to see here. She didn’t have a choice, standard nurse clothes. Even the shoes. This is what she wears for the rest of episode 3, until Valery frees her.

Moscow - Library

This is, in my opinion, Ulana’s third best outfit of the series. A grey, tweed-like dress, both professional and as elegant as the poor girl can get.

See this excellent post for a good look at the dress in an exhibit (we'll revisit the look shown there in a bit): https://littlethingwithfeathers.tumblr.com/post/186844994289/so-i-was-fortunate-enough-to-get-to-visit-the

Notice her shoes are a little different this time, with the square heels and possibly cream - light brown in color

Still wearing her ring (and the watch, and the locket)

Definitely a jeweled ring. Looks like a family heirloom imo.

Abandoned Building scene

Oh my god. Oh my god. She’s never looked as pretty as in this scene.

Production stills:

Where do I begin!! The beret! The lipstick! The scarf! The coat!

The red leather gloves

The coat, peeps. THE COAT. I’m DYING. My girl is dressed to SLAY.

Valery breaks her heart hurts her academically and she still looks like this

GIRL, WHAT HAPPENEd

WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN THE BIRD POO SKIRT AND THIS FASHION-SHOW-LOOK-AT-ME-I’M-GORGEOUS-AND-I-KNOW-IT OUTFIT?

All the awards for this look, omfgggg.

Listen, if it’s not Boris, at least she idk went shopping in fucking Moscow for new clothes or something while she was researching.

Back in Minsk

I’ve spoken about this mysterious look before:

and established it comes from a deleted scene in Minsk where she makes a spur of the moment decision to go see Valery. She’s wearing her excellent grey tweed dress again, but alas, the orange cardigan is back. Is it a comfort thing? Does she really like the thing, does it make her feel comfortable? All in all, I have to say the combination doesn’t look bad? It actually is a splash of color on the boring grey tweed, giving more liveliness to her look.

Valery’s flat

Ulana takes the train to see Valery in his flat, and wow

My girl. What is even that pattern but it looks SO GOOD with this white jacket.

When we pan down, it’s AGAIN a whole dress with that pattern, which um, I’m not too sure about. I mean, she looks GORGEOUS from the waist up. It matches her eyes! (Is this Marfa's second dress?)

ULANA REALLY LIKES HER WEIRDO PATTERNED DRESSES ok? And I can’t help noticing it’s the same kind of “look” she wore when Valery made that request of her in the hotel - intentional? I think so. I LOVE HER SO MUCH.

Heeled shoes, but I can’t quite tell which ones they are.

Edit 30/09: she is wearing earrings in this scene! I don’t think we’ve seen earrings for her in the entire show.

Looks like her ears are pierced? Those don’t really look like clip-ons but I’m not sure. They are red and gold (silver and green would have looked amazing, don’t you think?).

Trial

We arrive at Ulana’s last look. I think she looks really good from the waist up

I LOVE THE SKIRT

but when I look at it as a whole I feel the jacket is a little bit too tight and short for her? And I don’t really like her look in motion.

I think with her body type (and very nice ass), a jacket looser at the bottom and a bit longer might have worked better with this type of pencil skirt, instead of forcing a straight line to her figure.

Also not a fan of the ribbon thingy on her shirt, but you know, idk, whatever it’s ok. Wish she’d tied it more symmetrically.

But she looks polished and professional (and a little soft? innocent-like?), and I approve.

Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk! I clearly have too much time on my hands. I hope you agree with me that Ulana’s clothes took a turn for the better as episodes went on.

#ulana khomyuk #chernobyl hbo #emily watson #ulana fashion

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weepingvoidpenguin · 6 years ago

Text

Confession

ENDGAME SPOILERS!! READ AT YOUR OWN EXPENSE, SIS BECAUSE THIS IS NOT A GAME. I’VE WARNED YOU!!

PETER PARKER X READER

Summary: It’d been five years since you disappeared in Peter’s hands right after he’d broken your heart. Now, after so long, there’s a chance to get you back and Peter will stop at nothing to ensure so. He has to get you back, has to tell you that he was lying. That he did want to be with you and he’d never throw away the opportunity again. But the question is, will you let him?

Warnings: Uh... none? Some swearing

Word Count: 3k

FEELING CREATIVE.. IDK MIGHT DELETE LATER (BUT ALSO FR MIGHT MAKE A SMUTTY PART 2)

“Kid, get out of here, I don’t want you to be a part of this,” Mr. Stark hollered to me when I walked up from behind to see what they were looking at.

“But Mr. Stark, I’m already a part of this,” I said back, trying to still be respectful. I didn’t want Tony to get mad at me but if he thought I was just going to leave when we were so close to getting them back . . . to getting her back, he thought wrong.

“Listen, kid, I know how much this means to you but I‘m not letting you get squashed like a... well, like a bug,” he responded.

My head snapped in his direction at the comparison, Really, Mr. Stark? Really?

“Mr. Stark I’m not going anywhere,” I repeated, a little more edge to my voice.

“Queens, Tony’s got a point. This is gonna get really ugly, really fast,” Cap tried to reason but I wasn’t hearing any of it.

I took a deep breath, an anger starting to brew in me that I’d never felt for Cap or Stark, “And I said-”

“Let him fight,” Thor interrupted.

I looked up at him from behind, my mouth still hanging open from my defense.

Thor shrugged his shoulder, never once taking his eyes off the man that killed his brother and then half of his people, “Those who fight for others and not themselves fight valiantly,”

My eyes shifted from Thor to Tony and Cap, they barely glanced at each other before nodding.

“Alright, kid, but from a distance only,” Mr. Stark ordered and I nodded.

If that was all he was going to give me then I wasn’t going to push it.

Thanos had been a nightmare in my head for five consecutive years now but it’s not his face that haunts me when I close my eyes, it’s hers. The look she gave me when I spoke the words that felt like acid in my mouth, that heart-wrenching image is what keeps me up at night. I should have told her the truth.

But if Banner’s snap worked, like really worked, and she was back then nothing was going to stop me from confessing. Not even this purple titan.

“You know it’s a trap, right?” I asked, the boyish tone in my voice long gone, for about five years now.

“Yup,” Cap mumbled, his glare piercing through the man they’d already killed once, “But we don’t really have any other choice. Keep the stones away from him,”

Lightning and thunder clouded from nearby and a blast of white surrounded Thor for a second, changing his garments and hair.

I didn’t hear what he said after that, too focused on where I should hit Thanos first, but then they sprinted at him. One right after the other they attempted to land a grave blow but Thanos was too strong, too fast, too smart. It appeared that he knew what they were going to do next and deflected all of their attacks.

I stepped down from the rock and ran towards the scene of the battle, my heart in my throat and my mind racing with pictures. Her (h/c) hair, her (e/c) eyes, her soft skin, her beautiful smile and her immersive mind. Just her. She was all that ran through my head as I charged at the man that took her away from me. The man that turned her to dust just hours after I hurt her. She was in my arms those last seconds of my life, clinging to me as tightly as she tried to hold onto life but she vanished all the same. I wasn’t sure if she heard what I said to her as she turned to dust but I was hoping, praying, that she knew. That she knew I was lying to her, that she somehow figured it out while she’d been gone. But she couldn’t and I knew that.

You can’t think if you don’t exist.

I threw a few webs at the enemy, pulling his arm back when he was going to land a fatal hit to Tony. He grabbed the web attached to him and tried to throw me around but I cut it off and kicked him in the face with the momentum he tried to use against me.

“What did I say, kid? From a distance!” Tony yelled as Thanos grabbed my calf and chucked me straight towards a ragged rock.

“Karen!” Tony yelled and activated the legs from my suit to catch my fall.

The metallic legs pierced into the rock, smashing it into smaller, more jagged pieces. A few of which stabbed my back. The pain shot from my back to my head and I hunched over, gripping my stomach as the air was forced out of my body from the impact.

“Kid!” Mr. Stark shouted as he ran towards me and Thanos grabbed him by his arm, hitting him square in the face and sending him flying.

I tried getting up, I really did, but my eyelids grew heavy and my vision began to blur at the edges.

Get up.

My arm, heavy from exhaustion, barely moved at my side despite my command.

Get up.

Thanos’ blade cut through Cap’s shield and continued to destroy it, breaking it until it could only be considered scrap metal. My chest grew heavy and any anger I had for the titan was diminishing, not because I was no longer angry but because it was replaced with fear. Fear that we would lose again. That I would lose again.

Then, even from this distance, I could see a strange look come across Cap’s face. He shook his head, as if hearing a voice in his ear or trying to fight pestering wind. His hand slowly came up and rested on his head and he looked around as if looking for where the interference was coming from.

The sight of the familiar yellowish circle appearing out of thin air made my heart stop and my jaw went slack, hoping beyond hope that it was who I thought it was.

Figures began to emerge from the portals and I was walking towards them without a single registration of the pain in my body.

Y/N.

One by one they exited the portal. Dr. Strange. The antenna lady. Quill. Bucky. Sam. Scarlet Witch. Even a tree thing.

But Y/N was nowhere to be seen.

“Please,” I choked out, the knot in my throat tightening as my legs carried me towards their exit. “Please, God,” my legs burned with exhaustion but my will won out and I was lost in the crowd of our army looking for the familiar sight of (Y/N)’s (h/c) hair.

“Avengers . . .” I heard Cap order, “ . . . Assemble,”

The sounds of thousands of warriors shouting overwhelmed me and I knew she wouldn’t be able to hear me if I shouted her name.

But that didn’t stop me from trying.

“(Y/N)!” I yelled, my eyes scanning the running bodies. “(Y/N)!”

A single figure, just one, hesitated before taking their next step. The (h/c) hair of a girl moved as her head turned, looking for the source of my calls.

“Here!” I shouted, my arms flailing in the air to catch her attention, “(Y/N)! God, please just look at me! See me!” I shouted over the sounds of war.

She turned towards my direction and the sight of her face hit me harder than any force ever has. Fuck, I miss her.

My steps faltered despite wanting to do the exact opposite. “(Y/N)!”

She scanned the battlefield. I knew she couldn’t hear me but her ability allows her to hear thoughts in her vicinity and it gives her an advantage in battle. Her eyes flickered to every moving figure, one by one, until finally, finally, her eyes landed on mine.

And she looked away.

No, please, please don’t.

She faced the war ahead of her and ran directly into it upon seeing the familiar red glow of Wanda’s power. (Y/N) jumped into the air and gracefully landed next to the witch who had her sister power. (Y/N)’s power was almost identical to Wanda’s and it helps her feel stronger when she fights alongside her but they’re not the same. Wanda was made of an infinity stone while (Y/N) was granted her power by something called The Raven. She claimed it was a force identical to that of another celestial power and was meant to subdue it if it ever got out of hand.

I wanted to chase after her, to grab her by the shoulders and force her to look at me while I confessed that I lied to her. That I tried to make the decision I thought was best. But I was wrong.

I was gonna get to her if it was the last thing I did, literally.

My legs pumped with adrenaline and incentive. I had to reach her. To tell her. Then the cries of pain rang through the air and I saw T’Challa being wrapped in rock. I looked back at (Y/N) who was throwing bad guys left and right and tearing them apart. She was fine. She was strong. And she wasn’t the one that needed help.

I changed my direction and grabbed the Gauntlet that was thrown in the air before slinging my web closer to the van that Cap said it should go so we could put the stones back in their rightful time.

I’ve just gotta put the stones back and then I’ll talk to her.

“Karen, activate instant kill,” I said to the AI built into my suit as the beastly aliens swarmed around me.

“Peter!” I heard my name being shouted and the voice was angelic. Scared and in pain but angelic all the same.

The beasts were blasted away by a surrounding purple light and I knew it had been her. She still cared. Or maybe it was just a courtesy, she would’ve done the same thing for any other teammate. And that’s a fact.

“Queens!” Came another shout followed by Mjolnir flying past my head.

I shot a web at the hammer and was pulled out of the remainder of the swarm just for a blast from above to cut the strand, sending me hurtling straight for the ground.

“I got you, kid,” yelled Mrs. Stark in a suit of her own before sending me towards a girl flying a . . . a Pegasus?

I didn’t get to observe the horse for too long as I was yet again being tossed to the ground because of a cut web. Colors flashed by my vision while I clashed against the debris of the destroyed property.

A groan of pain escaped my lips and the laser blasts hitting the ground next to my body made me curl into a fetal position with the gauntlet in my grasp. I plastered myself as close to the boulder behind me as possible, using it for a makeshift barrier of sorts. My arms burned with the blasts that landed a little too close to me, causing cuts to my limbs and side.

This was it, this was how I was gonna go. Without ever speaking to (Y/N) again, without saying good-bye to Aunt May or Ned. No one. I was going to die on the battlefield protecting a glove that had six of the most powerful forces ever to exist on each knuckle.

(Y/N), I know you can hear me, I wasn’t sure if it was going to work, but I had to try, I wanted to let you know... I just... you should know that I- I’m... I’m sorry, I thought, my body now racking with each sob as I said my good-bye, (Y/N), I lo-

“Peter,” she called my name. “Peter, get up,”

I opened my eyes and rested my gaze on the glowing colors of the gauntlet, too ashamed to look up at her. It’d been five years since I let her down. Since I broke her heart. And now, here she was, waiting for me to look up at her just as I wanted her to look up at me,

“Peter, give me the gauntlet,” she ordered, her hand coming into view as she latched onto it.

The gauntlet?

I looked up at her then, confusion etched in my features as I wondered why she even came up to me in the first place. “The gauntlet?” I asked incredulously, “Didn’t you hear what I was thinking? What I was trying to let you know?”

Her grip on the gauntlet tightened just as mine did, “I heard,” was all she responded. “And I don’t need your pity,”

“Pity? (Y/N), I-”

“Give me the gauntlet, Peter!” She shouted, her eyes beginning to glow a purple hue as she attempted to pry it from my hold.

“(Y/N), please I just . . . I just want to look at you,” I begged, my voice faltering by the end.

Her pull on the gauntlet slacked and she looked me in my eyes for the first time in five years. Those mesmerizing (e/c) eyes of hers. The whites of her eyes were red with oncoming tears. And suddenly it was like I was looking at the same face of heartbreak I caused her to have so long ago.

“Look at me?” She pulled away, dropping the gauntlet completely.

A glowing figure landed next to her and I hesitated to pry my eyes off of (Y/N), fearing that if I did, she would disappear again.

I handed the gauntlet over to the glowing lady, earning a sad smile from her. She seemed strong and merciless but also caring and understanding. She was letting us have a moment as she continued the gauntlet’s journey to the time travelling van. She flew off with an army of women to back her up and I had to grab (Y/N)’s wrist as she tried to leave with them.

“Stay,” I whimpered, “Just for a second. Stay,”

She shook her head, no longer facing me and tried, in a half-assed manner, to pry her hand from my grip. “Let me go, Peter,”

“(Y/N)!” I shouted, making her freeze in her stance, “I can’t! I couldn’t! These past five years all I could think about was YOU. Your face was the one that haunted me every night. Your voice, your smile, our talks, all those memories kept me going for five years. Years, (Y/N).”

“Stop,” she whispered under her breath, her head now facing me but her eyes still glued to the ground.

“I lied to you, (Y/N), okay? I lied! That day where everything went to hell and you told me how you felt? I lied! And that’s all I‘ve wanted to tell you since you were . . . gone.” I gripped her wrist tighter and pulled her to the ground with me.

“You lied?” she reiterated.

“Yes. I lied.” My hand trailed up to her face as our surroundings changed into one of a glass like structure. We were in Dr. Strange’s mirror dimension. He had given us a minute alone. And I knew a minute was all we truly had.

“I thought that if I died, it would help you to move on, that you wouldn’t feel guilty. That you could... you could love someone else happily.” I tried to explain, “But then . . . then it was me who survived, who had to move on without you and I couldn’t because I know I broke your heart and I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry, (Y/N),”

“Stop!” She shouted, shoving me away. “Stop doing this! It might’ve been five years for you but it’s only been hours for me and the pain is just as raw as when you told me that you didn’t care for me that way. Don’t you get it? I love you, Peter Parker! And if you even remotely cared about me you wouldn’t have lied to me,”

“I lied to you because I care about you!” I shot up off the ground and followed her, “Because I thought it’d be selfish if I made you wait for me or confessed that I loved you too only for me to die! I wanted you to move on! I wanted you happy!”

She stopped mid-pace and lifted her gaze towards me, “You what?”

I huffed and blew a loose strand of hair out of my face, “Fuck this,” I mumbled and glided over to her, grabbing her by the waist and pressing my chapped lips onto her soft ones.

She froze for a second, fighting the urge to let me in, to believe me, but all I’ve been waiting for again is to see her. Even if she never forgave me for being so cruel or decided that her confession was only a heat of the moment thing, I just wanted her alive again. Alive and back in my life, one way or the other.

And she knew. She could feel it. She was an empath after all, and she knew that I was telling the truth.

And she kissed me back and I could’ve cried with joy. Her lips pushed up against mine, melding together and divulging in it. My grip on her body tightened as I brought her close to me. I’ve missed her warmth, her smell, her hold. Especially her hold. I’ve just missed her.

“I love you, (Y/N),” I confessed, finally confessed.

“How are you so certain that you love me?” She asked, making sure I still wasn’t lying despite the emotional certainty.

“Because I know what it’s like to lose you,” I pulled her into me again, resting my head on her shoulder, “And I’m never doing that again,”

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ashiiblack · 5 years ago

Text

Year in Review 2019

Total word count:

Total fics written: 24 (a LOT of these are less than 1k)

Fandoms written in: BNHA, Yuri!!! on Ice, Harry Potter, Free!, and MCU

Chronological list of fics (in the order posted on AO3, not written)

Romance at the Roasted Bean (Harry/Draco, T, 1k) - Draco has a secret admirer.

Start With a Cold Brew (Victor/Yuri P, E, 5k) - Coffee Shop AU (this was technically written in 2018 but was in its exclusivity period for Victurio Anthology)

the music plays bitter, plays sweet (Harry/Draco, M, 1k) - Angsty with a hopeful ending of Harry’s marriage to Ginny ending.

The Taste of Something Different (Harry/Draco, T, 1k) - Harry is getting increasingly frustrated with his Auror partner’s inability to get him the right food.

Shining Bright (JJ/Yuri, T, 5k) - Five times JJ fails at asking out Yuri and the one time he succeeds (another 2018 fic in exclusivity for YOI Litmag).

The 80th Floor (Kirishima/Bakugou, M, 1k) - A deleted scene from the BNHA movie answering the question of how krbk ended up on the 80th floor.

Scars You Can’t See (Kirishima/Bakugou, G, 300 words) - Kirishima trying to comfort Bakugou after Kamino.

Strawberries (on your lips) (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 900 words) - Studying with Kirishima turns into something unexpected.

The Bakugou Problem (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 2k) - The Bakusquad decide to get Kirishima and Bakugou to date. Chaos ensues.

Fate Can Suck It (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 3k) - Soulmate AU

I’ll unfold before you (Kirishima/Bakugou, E, 2k) - Post BNHA movie (and a sort of sequel to The 80th Floor)

Morning Light (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 400 words) - After their first night together, Kirishima wakes up with Bakugou in his arms.

the fear of seeing death without ever loving you (Steve/Tony, E, 3k) - Steve returns the stones to their proper place but can’t help but see Tony one last time.

Truths in Letters (Harry/Draco, T, 5k) - Harry and Draco participate in a Guess the Penfriend inter-house unity game with interesting results. Epistolary fic written with just_another_loser.

Win-Win (Kirishima/Bakugou, E, 1500 words) - Bakugou likes that Kirishima can take his blasts. Kirishima just likes Bakugou.

Dare Me (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 1500 words) - Uraraka gives Bakugou a dare. Eijirou isn’t sure what to think of it.

First Date (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 1k) - Going from best friends to boyfriends isn’t the smoothest transition, but Bakugou and Kirishima make it work. (fun fact - this fic is based on @icicle33‘s Sims characters).

so good to be yours (Makoto/Haru, E, 2k) - Makoto visits Sydney while Haru is at a training camp for the Olympics. While things are awkward at first, they find their rhythm together again.

The Note (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 1500 words) - Kirishima leaves a note to Bakugou on his desk confessing his crush to him. Humor and misunderstandings ensue.

everyday i want more of you (Kirishima/Bakugou, T, 2k) - Seven somewhat connected 300 word drabbles written for Chill November. Basically all krbk fluff.

Out of the Slipstream (Kirishima/Bakugou, E, 15k) - The professional road cycling AU no one asked for but I wrote it anyway.

Beauty, Like the Night (Iida/Aoyama, M, 10k) - A classic example of having to write the fic you want to read. Iida has a crush on Aoyama but it isn’t proper for a future hero to lust after his classmates.

Spark (Endeavor/Hawks, E, 2k) - When what Keigo thinks is a casual hookup suddenly becomes something more.

There’s also a week’s worth of BNHA Fluff Week Drabbles I wrote in June.

From my past year of writing…

My best story of this year: Honestly, probably my Stony fic. I was so raw after Endgame and this fic was screaming to be written. My most popular story of this year (by kudos, comments or notes): Stony again. One of those rare times I agree with stats.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Take a chance on The Note? It’s only 1500 words. Most fun story to write: Beauty, Like the Night. Iidayama is my favorite rare ship and I fucking love Iida so much. Hardest story to write: Probably my cycling au. After thinking about this fic for so long, I really got in my head about it and didn’t feel like anything was good enough. Biggest disappointment: My drarry fics have been pretty off as of late. It doesn’t help when I have krbk basically always on my mind. Biggest surprise: Fun fact - I’m not a big fan of soulmate au tropes so I was pretty surprised Fate Can Suck It was so well received lmao. Honestly though I’ve warmed up to the genre since I wrote this one.

Most unintentionally telling story: Probably Stony again. I usually self insert into Tony but this time I went way into Steve.

Favorite Opening Lines: “We have a problem.” The Bakugou Problem

Favorite Closing Lines: “For now, they can sleep.” the fear of seeing death without ever loving you

Reflection time Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d predicted? I wrote a lot less. My goal was 100k and I ended up just shy of 65k. What pairing/genre/fandom did you write that you would never have predicted in January? BNHA/Kiribaku/Endhawks. I fell pretty hard for krbk at the end of the first season then came the sports festival and their beautiful ship moments just kept coming. Endhawks I have no excuse other than they’re hot af together and so much opportunity for angst with feelings. What’s your own favorite story of the year? Dude idk. A lot of what I wrote was fun ficlets. I’m gonna have to go with either my cycling AU or iidayama. I know I said I struggled with the cycling au but I’m fairly happy with how it turned out. Did you take any writing risks this year? Not exactly. The Stony was definitely different from my usual style. Do you have any fanfic goals for the new year? Gonna shoot for 100k for 2020 again. I’m doing the Tododeku Big Bang and then I have two Kiribaku ideas I’m going to write. One will be a oneshot and the other will likely be a longer fic. I’d also like to do some sort of drabble event because I really enjoy the challenge with a limited word count.

Decade wrapped

If you’re still with me, I want to briefly reflect on my decade of fanfiction. I’ve been writing fic since 2002 but I fell in and out of it through high school. I didn’t really get back into writing until 2010 toward the very end of college. I met @icicle33 thru ffnet at the end of 2011 and she introduced me to LJ events and fests and exchanges and my writing style developed a ton. I fell out of it a bit in the middle of the decade but came back in full force in 2017 (thanks again in large part to Icicle), especially once I joined YOI fandom. In this decade, I’ve written/posted roughly 600k words (I feel like the distinction is important because I also have about 100k of unposted WIP/outline/nonsense). I’ve made friends, enemies, laughed, cried, met multiple fandom friends irl including my darling @phaytesworld and Icicle, modded and written for zines, and so much more. Writing has always been a way for me to explore a different side of myself, to play in a sandbox with no stakes. I can’t imagine where I would be without it. Here’s to another 10 years and you can bet in 2029 my old ass will still be writing. Should the world have ended by then, you can find me in hell writing porn.

#ashii speaks #ashii writes #year in review #2019 wrapped

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muggle-writes · 5 years ago

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Happy Storyteller Saturday! What are some ways you organize your notes/writing thoughts?

thanks for asking! Sorry I'm answering late, I had a rough headache and tried to sleep it off for most of Saturday so it's like 2am Sunday now (3am when I finished because I'm tired enough to have very little filter which means it's ramble time) but I'm awake so I'm answering.

to be honest, it depends on where I am and whether I have free time where there's nothing else I "should" be doing.

if I'm out and about, or if I "should" be doing something else I'll be writing on my phone. usually with a program called Quip, occasionally with a program called Bookstack. I'm out at my QP's right now, and she and my wife are talking video games, and I don't have my laptop handy so I'm writing in Quip. it's kind of a dropbox/google docs alternative, and it has a not-terrible app. I sort everything into a personal writing folder (i used to use quip for other things too, which I kept in other folders since it has a decent checklist ability) and if I expect something to be a long story I'll create a folder for it and put different scenes in different documents in that folder. if I expect it to be short, I'll just create a document straight in the writing folder and hopefully remember to give it a descriptive name. If I'm intending to write something especially short and post it immediately, like this, I won't usually give it a title. sometimes this bites me in the butt but mostly it's fine. I write things in quip rather than directly in the tumblr editor for two related reasons: tumblr mobile has a really annoying habit of eating my longer posts instead of posting them. i haven't figured out if this is more related to the length of the text added, or the length of time I have the draft open. on top of that, if I type it in tumblr mobile and try to make a backup copy, the largest unit I can copy at a time is a paragraph, not the whole document, so it would be a hassle to copy out. often, for posts this long, I wind up copying in three or four paragraphs at a time, saving the draft again, and waiting for tomorrow to display my changes before I click edit draft and add another few. it's easier to copy text into tumblr than out of it

if I'm on bookstack (a mediocre Google docs/scrivener alternative but it's open source and my wife runs an instance so I've tried it out. among other problems, it doesn't have an app so I have to write through my mobile browser and I have to have internet. quip stores locally regardless and syncs with the internet when possible so I tend to use quip instead) When I'm using bookstack, I'm forced to use its organization system. broadest to narrowest categories: shelves books, chapters, pages. you can put pages directly into books, or into chapters. I usually use pages as scenes, and keep them sorted into chapters. in theory I like bookstack but it needs some major improvements (options for variable theme, offline mode, general mobile UI, etc) before I would actually recommend it.

If I have my laptop I occasionally write in bookstack but more often Microsoft Word (I got a free student copy when I was in college and whenever my current laptop dies I'm going to get Open Office or Libre Office instead rather than pay for Microsoft.)

I sort my writing into fanfiction and original works. there's very little in the original works side, sadly. Within fanfiction, since I generally publish to ao3 as I go, I separate it into folders incomplete and completed. within each, I sort it into fandoms, within incomplete, I then have a folder for each fic, and then documents titled "published" and "unpublished" within each. within completed, there's individual documents for each fic (equivalent to "published" within incomplete) I cut and paste things between documents, or move documents around as necessary

for editing, it's a different story:

in Word, if I'm writing a variant of a scene I've already written, and I want to keep the old one and decide later which one I like better, I'll strikethrough the old paragraph and write another. If I get several of these I'll color code the old scenes so I can tell which one's which (sometimes I reuse parts of sentences in like. 3/5 variants so they're usually intertwined. my drafts get colorful) If I'm going in a really drastically different direction, sometimes I'll create a new document and in the title describe what the difference is.

In Quip (actually, in bookstack too, when I'm on mobile, so probably it's just my phone keyboard not playing nice with long documents. somehow I never have the same issue when I'm writing directly in the tumblr app) if I try to select large sections and replace or delete them, it deletes significantly more than I want it to, probably twice as many characters? twice as many minus one? idk. if I'm not happy with something in quip, it's a little glitchy about strikethrough so I'll just put a few blank lines, a line of squiggles (~) and/or an all caps "ALTERNATELY" and another line break and then the replacement.

anyway. that's all for when I'm composing prose (or publishable poetry)

when I'm scribbling down notes to keep them because I'm plotting a longer story or because I want to write but don't have time, I'll open up one of the above programs (usually quip or word) and create a bullet point list of sentence fragments and notes. I put major points at the top level of bullet points, indent for the next level of detail under each one. the top level bullets are usually vaguely in chronologial (or storytelling) order, but flashbacks/"this sets up for..." often show up in the nested bullets.

If I have a really thorough outline, with a full sentence for every scene, in word I'll make a copy of the outline with a page break between each outline point, and then I'll skip around between scenes based on my inspiration and write the scenes in their corresponding place in the draft so that the end result is pretty effortlessly in order. (in bookstack, I'll create "pages" for each scene. in quip I put three or four line breaks between the scene prompts or occasionally split them into separate documents.)

#storyteller saturday #asks and answers

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livvyffxiv · 6 years ago

Text

My Story of being hurt mentally and emotionally

So before I begin. I will take the time to apologize if this is in the wrong section. I would also like to bring up now that this story doesn't exactly have a happy ending as of right now. I also want to address for people who might be sensitive to this topic, it's about a break up, and gender identity. The reason why I'm posting this in the FFXIV section is because these feelings are kinda bottled up for me, and it revolves around final fantasy. I feel like getting my thoughts into words and sharing this story instead of holding it to myself might... idk... find better self help for myself? Either way I can totally understand if this gets deleted, but this was my warning before I dive deep into this long story. I also will not be giving out names of my characters, or the person involved in this story to maintain both of our safety.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My name is Olivia. I really don't like talking about this and I know I'm essentially "outing" myself here which I absolutely hate to do but it's totally appropriate to this story to give you the full jist of things. I can't possibly leave this out without any understanding the pain I've been through. So to get back to the point quickly, as I was saying, I'm Olivia, and I'm a transgender (MtF) person. I've been playing this game, Final Fantasy XIV, and I'm not new to the online dating scene. I've dated before online through games and other platforms. Usually ending terribly, but none the less I've done it.

I met this guy on Final Fantasy who randomly joined our FC. He was charming and nice, and we started talking. We spent most of the day together for a course of 3 weeks. Eventually later he brought me to a cute spot in the game (https://i.gyazo.com/416994d14694443a1d251820798ca395.jpg) where he confessed his feelings to me. I told him that I can't do anything until I address the fact that I was transgender. Obviously, it's wrong to go into ANY sort of relationship without telling someone the truth. So that's what I did.

He told me he didn't care and that he loved me for who I was, which I have to admit I started crying immediately because I've been ridiculed and harassed before and in-person about my gender, and even to this day I still get harassed in public for the way I look, or if I get "found out". We did everything together. We even got married in-game (https://i.gyazo.com/8b3163e7ab6fed1ec0069f272bac97b9.jpg). My FC came together and contributed gil to buy a house together. I was the "lease holder" so to speak, so even though he put everything in the house and decorated, I technically "owned" the house. Not that it mattered. We did everything together. We would always try to help each other out in-game and outside. I gave him help based on anything he wanted to know, like how to re-build your credit score from down low. Or how to program in Python or teach him an actual college course in HTML for free to get you started learning decent web design and fundamentals of setting up a website. He also helped me boost my self-confidence by helping me learn how to tank (in-game) and trying to keep me on voice chat longer and longer until I was comfortable talking to him, and in turn be comfortable talking to people in public the way my voice should reflect my gender.

Three months down the line, I was going through a crisis because my vehicle was failing emissions test (check engine is on, and inspection is due which means if it fails, no registration for the vehicle, meaning you can't drive it without going to jail). I get a message from him saying hey I need to talk to you for a second. I told him I couldn't because I was panicking and trying to fix things with my vehicle, so I don't lose registration, but If he wants to talk I can either read it or talk over voice right now. He said no, and then waited until later and changed his mind and then proceeded to leave me a text message of him breaking up with me after 3 months because he couldn't get over the fact that I was transgender. For 3 months he knew full well, and we talked daily over voice for DAYS. He never once mentioned it, or brought it up, just did it right there on the spot. He said "even though you are a female, I can't get over the fact that your DNA make-up will always be a guy, and I know I personally can't deal with it like I said I would. I just felt like I was doing you a favor by trying at least."

This ruined me personally. I'm already dealing with the discomfort of my own body, the feeling that I'll never fit in, and that I'll be judged every time I walk out the door. The only one giving me the confidence was the one person now saying they are breaking me up for the exact reasons why I'm scared of living my life out right now. Coming from the one person who I thought cared the most, and the one I put most of my faith I ever could possibly put in someone. I ended up self-destructing. I refused to leave my room. I spent nights crying myself to sleep. Refusing to eat. It was almost a solid week of me starving myself before I ate anything. Then I started acting out harmful situations by getting in my vehicle and driving as fast as I possibly could on a narrow road covered in forest in hopes I'd lose control and just end everything.

I decided that I needed help, and I needed to snap out of it. So, I talked to my therapist and got an emergency appointment set up. My therapist immediately wanted me committed to a mental hospital. "Olivia the only reason why I can't FORCE you into a mental hospital right now is because you told me if I asked you to go home, you would, and that you don't have medicine in your house that you can overdose on. That's the ONLY thing stopping me from having you put in a psychiatric hospital." I was told that before work, If I don't come in the VERY next day to talk to her, that she was going to then force someone into the office and have me evaluated immediately on the spot. So, I obliged. However, I was still feeling suicidal and planned on going through with it. The only thing that stopped me was my brother, who I haven’t seen for years come pull me aside from the house and take me on a night to get dunkin donuts coffee and sit in his car and talk things out and catch up, and explain everything of how I've been feeling, and things he's been through. Stuff that really brought me closer to my brother than I thought I'd ever be before.

The story however doesn't end here. There is no exact happy ending here, because this is where I ****ed up.

A few months after getting over him, I managed to bump into him again. I did something and joined the same FC he did because I didn't feel like I belonged in the one I was currently in, and yeah, I did want to get closer because I missed him, and, I wanted the opportunity to make new friends. He started talking to me and we became "friends".

I'm going to jump forward a few more months because the stuff in between is irrelevant because nothing serious happened. I was smart enough to keep my distance, even though I did have set backs and did occasionally fight with him, but nothing STUPIDLY terrible, besides the fact of trusting him in the first place.

He later apologized for everything and came to me one night and said I want to try again. "I feel like you are the only one who really understands me and the one I mostly bonded with". Later on, then was said "In 3 months I'm going to buy a plane ticket, so we can visit each other, but right here right now I'm going to put my foot down, and stay away as long as it takes just to say Olivia [Redacted Marriage name], please come back home..." I said no. Not until he proved to me that he has totally changed and is willing to accept that he would be okay with dating me and can let go of my "DNA make-up". He promised his hardest.

Of course, I fell for it. I jumped right in. I left all the things that said he was an a****** and to not trust him, go. I was too quickly willing to take him entirely back. Just waiting for him to show me he cared. Later his "promise" turned into "I know you said no initially, and you have your reasons for wanting to take your time with this, but Valentine's days is right around the corner, and we are both technically single. Does it mean I'm going to try? Absolutely but I'm not tied down to this because it wasn't a commitment but a chase to the goal line". This was a ploy to really say I'll work things out with you but if something comes up in-between, I'm going with that.

On valentine's day. He messages me and says "Hey happy valentine's day! Do want to go to my wedding with this girl I've been talking to? I'm on the fence about dating her, I only want her as a friend, but actually we might take this seriously". The entire time he's been making promises with me to work things out and fix things, he was talking to some other girl. I broke down on my way home that I refused to go home and stayed at a beach and cried in my car for an hour or two before I decided to come home and then tell him how I felt about how destroyed I felt when he promised all these things to me. He thought I was personally attacking him and didn't respond to any of the key things of how I felt.

For days he hasn't responded until I just told him outright that I'm done. I'm leaving the FC, probably the game to because he killed whatever feelings I had left for him, and the game that I enjoyed, and that it was a mistake to trust him again. It was very clear he only cared about himself.

The so-called girl he was on the fence with, he still married to her regardless, and she even has his last name in-game. The so-called girl that he said he wanted her just as a friend but was on the fence about dating.

The lesson to be learned here, as much as I can't even take my own advice, is that you should love yourself for who you are, because only you can make yourself truly happy, and when you find happiness yourself, put your love into someone who respects you for who you are. Do not allow yourself to settle for anything less, and once you are out, don't think twice about going back.

#ffxiv #lbgt #transgender #breakup #dating #self love #self care #self help

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kimmysfandomblog · 6 years ago

Note

idk if komanami is one of your otps, but komanami and q3? im curious (eyes emoji)

Thanks for the ask, hakai!!!☺ an anon also asked me the same question! Unfortunately I accidentally deleted the ask qq

(under the cut for length and those people who wanted to avoid komanami (I don’t want my asks in the main tags so I am also adding a link here to prevent that hopefully

I never really talk about KomaNami, because whenever I do, somehow and somewhere, I find resistance ^^; It is one of those controversial ships, mostly because it is one of the “popular” Komaeda×(girl) ships that people don’t like others shipping. But yes, KomaNami is one of my OTPs! I love them dearly, but am too afraid of expressing myself more openly. Hopefully that changes this next spring! I want to create a KomaNami event.

3. What is your favorite AU/prompt idea/trope for your pairing?

I really want a DR3 AU, honestly. I do think they should have been much better friends than they were in canon. Like, in DR3 in particular, that set-up was right there… two students who outcast themselves from a chaotic classroom, and Nanami and Komaeda sharing a love for games and silence.

Nanami joins in the class, but struggling because they reject Komaeda, who is the friend she had before warming up to the class. She and him always pairing up for class activities because she refuses to leave him alone, and the feeling start to stir. She still feels awkward about how he talks about hope and they challenge each other’s ideals, but in the end, the only thing they want is to help each other. There’s also this struggle that she wants him to be accepted by the class, but neither he nor the rest of the class want that, so she’s stressed about that and organized more class activities so that at least she and Komaeda can still hang out and have fun “with” the class.

Whether it is romantic or platonic, I want her and Komaeda to be important to each other so that it makes sense that Komaeda falls to despair. It could be just the two of them at the end trying to figure out why the class is spread out, and even Miss Yukizome is acting weird, so they use class time to investigate and come across Junko. Junko finds Nanami to be just as resilient as Naegi with that optimism and decides to use her to get to Komaeda, who may be a “hope fanboy” but is already on the brink of despair with all the tragedy in his life. Using her typically means death/torture anyways. She probably has it be an execution for Chiaki Nanami and Komaeda’s Hope because she dredges up all of the past tragedies and extrapolates on future ones, and that she feeds Komaeda with the lie that Despair will bring a brighter Future as Nanami is being executed/becomes nonresponsive.

I even think a DR2 AU is necessary. Nanami in DR2 is annoyed at, and avoidant of Komaeda. That makes no sense for an AI programmed to create safety and observe the class to be avoidant of the “most dangerous” individual. I want her to always be following him and Hinata. With Hinata, it makes more sense since he is the main pillar in the trials and lost of them want to hang around him, since he is the safest. It is harder to justify hanging out with Komaeda. I think that it would start by her leaving food for Komaeda while he is captured without him noticing (whenever he is unconscious) but she struggles with finding food/drinks that won’t just spill/make a mess. He catches her finally and he really unsettles her, but as long as neither of them tell (and she doesn’t explain how she knows he was captured), she no longer has to be as secretive to him and feeds him (much to his embarrassment and resistance, but she hardly understands why). It becomes a habit that she gravitates toward him while there is free time since Hinata just goes to whoever (Komaeda makes it easy by mostly choosing the library while the others are on the first island/the fourth island). I would like to think she overhears Komaeda talking to Hinata about his life and, while still wary of him, isn’t quite as emotionally distant and is more open to working with him on the third case, even if he is still annoying to work with what with him having a bit of liars disease in him. Speaking of which, it is weird that she chooses not to stay at the hospital, so I would probably have her join Hinata, Kuzuryuu, and Tsumiki, and she would end up spending time at each place like Hinata, visiting each room. And in CH4, nothing really changes except that she is somewhat in the same area as Komaeda during free time. After Komaeda blows up at them in CH4 and the trial, I think that by breaking into Monomi’s house and stealing her diary, he figures out it is Chiaki rather easily since she mentions he had been captured before Souda and Nidai let it slip and she may casually mention him at the library a few times. He confronts her about it, but she remains unwilling to cooperate, so he takes things in his own hands once more. And that would be the end of their canon AU interaction.

Something that I really would want in post-canon is that they recover Chiaki and she checks up on everybody, including Komaeda. If she were to get a robot body, I want her to hang out with Hinata and Komaeda mostly XD Of course, she still hangs out with the others, but she would have spent most of her time looking after those two.

—

Ok, so canon rewrite is probably not following the way the question was meant to be answered, and I kinda owe one more response to anon anyways, so here’s a trope!I really like the idea of a Hanahaki AU for KomaNami! I would like to imagine it going with mutual pining, but I can definitely see it as Komaeda suffering because of unreturned feelings for Hinata, and Nanami for unreturned feelings for Komaeda. Komaeda initially thought he only doomed himself, but to doom Nanami as well makes him, well, despair. And I could see three endings here. One would be where he can’t force the feelings because he genuinely doesn’t like Nanami romantically at all, but she’s his friends and he hates she suffers and wishes she would just get the surgery, but she dies first and then Hinata turns out reciprocating his feelings, letting Komaeda live, but they are both grieving over Nanami and blame themselves for her death. Another would be that he does actually like her, but not as much as Hinata. He had decided, for her sake, to get the surgery since she refuses to, and the two don’t regret it (well, Nanami does since he basically forced himself to not love Hinata, but he reminds her that he does love her, and it’s only grown since then). Actually, this could still turn into a tragedy where he convinces himself he loves Nanami and can save her by removing feelings he has for Hinata, but all for naught because she feels it disgenuine OR he actually never had feelings anyways and she passes away. The final one is that Nanami only thinks his disease is because he like Hinata, when it’s really mutual pining, and this could go two ways of they realize it too late, or they both realize it together and are equally embarrassed about the situation XD. Oh yeah and my KomaHinaNami heart has this as a three-way where Hinata is involved too and they all get together and are happy XD self indulgence is a key factor lol

#ask meme #mehere #hakaieve

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notadailywriter-blog · 6 years ago

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An Informative Post About This Blog

Welcome one, welcome all to my blog!

This blog’s intended purpose is to

create content for fandoms I enjoy

create content for others to enjoy

force myself to create

This is blog is going to be mostly Scenarios and Headcanons. Scenarios are generally (hopefully) going to be a bit longer then headcanons which in turn means they’ll take a little longer. But for everything I do I will try to do them in decent lengths.

When it comes to either you can request a single character or do a mixed request. I know some people like and will make poly requests and depending on the request there is a chance I’ll accept it. I just hope I can do them and all requests justice.

Note: When doing a mixed request with multiple characters I’ll do my best to keep them about the same length however this may not always be the case.

As for what gender I write in I know many people prefer gender neutral and so that’s what I’m going to do my best to stick to. If it’s requested specifically that I do a female or male reader I will try to write it as requested but if I’m not satisfied with it just know that it’ll probably be posted as gender neutral.

{RULES}

- Try to always state whether you want it as a scenario or headcanon if you don’t I’ll write which ever I choose.

- I’d prefer it if I didn’t receive requests involving self-harm, suicide, rape and other such sensitive topics because I don’t want to inaccurately portray such serious matters.

- I’m on the fence about doing NSFW things. I’m not sure how well I could do them but I suppose it’s worth a shot if anyone is interested in requesting it. Will be tagged as NSFW if written.

- I reserve the right to not do a request if I’m uncomfortable with it whether it’s NSFW or not. Such request might just get deleted rather then receive any response.

{What I Write For}

This is something I’m still trying to figure out but as of now things I’ll write for are listed below along with some information on how much of it I’ve seen/read/played. Just know I’ll do my best to keep everyone in character but also everything is kind of trial and error right now to see what I can and can’t write for. It’s been a long time since I’ve written anything fanfic-y so it could take a while to figure things out.

Voltron: Legendary Defender

I’ve seen up to season 7 just not 7 itself yet mostly because my friend and I agreed I’d watch it with her so I didn’t blow her phone up again like I did with season 6 but we just haven’t had time to do so.

Idolish7

I’ve only seen the anime but I really wish I could play the game </3

Dream Festival!!!!

I loved season 1 and I started Dream Festival R but I haven’t had time to finish it.

Fairy Tail

I’ve watched all of what’s on Netflix and as of writing this I’ve read up to volume 41.

Haikyuu!!

I’ve watched up to the most recent season I think? I really just need to go back and rewatch, mostly just cause I love it.

Of course I’ve seen/read/played a lot more then this but I don’t want to list everything now. If your curious to know what else feel free to ask me especially if you’re wanting to request something for it though I can’t guarantee I’ll have seen it. My likes and interests are fairly diverse I think so there’s no telling with me. I play Food Fantasy, Pokemon Go, and Otome games if that’s not diverse idk what is.

Anyways I think that’s all for now, I’ll update this as needed. I look forward to receiving requests and getting to know fellow lovers of my interests! Remember, I’m not a daily writer but I try my best to be!

~ Luna Catti

#voltron legendary defender #vld #Idolish7 #Fairy Tail #haikyuu!!#dream festival #scenarios #headcanons

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cra-a-ave · 4 years ago

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Grad School

Honestly? I don’t know why I signed up for this and sometimes it just seems like a really dumb choice since it is so time consuming and dry and I’d rather just not have to study more after so many years of school… I kinda just want to recuperate, earn some money, sort out my life, NOT have to worry about school, school, school…

Sometimes I want to do things like write a blog or post youtube videos but other times, that just feels so basic? Kinda want to do things that feel more “real” and less of the stuff that everybody and their mother wants to do… Kinda just want to be my authentic self which honestly, I know longer know. I don’t think I know who I am without social media anymore and that kinda sucks…?

Kinda want to do things like write a book, write poetry, meditation, flexibility, explore places, enjoy the world around me…. NOT have to worry about “the gram” or showing it off to the rest of the world, half of the people in which I don’t even talk to, haven’t talked to in years and they have nothing to do with me? Really, I just want to be me without without the need to show off to the world “who I am” and “all the things I can do” because honestly, that’s just really toxic.

I’ve been downloading and then deleting Instagram and facebook on and off again mostly because of just how superficial that world is and how it is also turning ME into a highly superficial person… It’s all a huge game of keeping up with the Joneses… And I still remember that when I didn’t use social media, I did so much better at LIFE? I actually had a tiny resemblance of discipline and got good grades even though I was “uncool” as fuck?

The silence and peace of not being bombarded with pictures of pretty girls with perfect bodies in bikinis, picturesque places that I’m not allowed to go to, all these motivational quotes that sometimes just do more harm than good, rich people… It’s just priceless…

In all honesty, I never wanted to do postgrad… I never wanted to jump into further studies after so many years of schooling and swore to myself that I wouldn’t do that because I knew that wasn’t what I wanted. I wanted to just be done with schooling and just make money, “adult” and use my own time for my own shit, travel and figure out my “career path” or “future”, whatever that means… I wanted to save postgrad studies for when I have a clearer idea of what I want to do with my life and go in with purpose and am actually intrinsically motivated to get where I want to go; wherever that is… Definitely didn’t see myself stuck here in the middle of pandemic that is both fucking shit up and in a situation where the economy is shit but everything SEEMS normal…

YET? COVID happened. I just happened to graduate at the worst time in living history. There’s a travel ban and I can’t go anywhere. Classes are all online. People all over the world are dying. Heck, I want to see my grandma but I CAN’T! I’m stuck at home all day.

So WHY the FUCK did I jump into grad school straight after undergrad?

The government subsidized my course and I thought it would be a good idea to have a business analytics course under my belt. Truthfully, I don’t know how much it would impact my career since I don’t really want to stay in a job that forces me to sit in front of the computer all day for the “rest of my life” and I haven’t really worked full time at all to really notice any difference and will have nothing to really compare my work life after this course to. Heck, SAS and interpreting data for OTHER PEOPLE is kinda just BORING AS FUCK. I thought it would give me something to do since I graduated LOST and I wasn’t hearing back from and help me SOMEHOW in my future “career” (honey I just want a rich husband at this point lmao)… I guess I saw “more school” as a bit of a safety net…

I guess people around me, especially my parents and extended family, did “encourage” me to ride out the pandemic with postgrad… But yeah I’ll also admit that it’s INCREDIBLY demoralizing to try to get through even this trimester when you don’t genuinely and passionately want the degree you’re getting or you have a VERY good reason to get this degree- idk the case with international students but pretty sure MOST of them are not doing accounting because they really love accounting…

What’s my end goal in getting this degree? What if I don’t even land an AMAZING job after this? L

My mental state needs help.

I realise that I am so bad with my emotions and more often than not, I just ignore my emotions until they come back in a much sinister manner after being emotionally repressed for so long…

And I hate the fact that I overthink things and don’t really prioritise my own happiness…

And I guess I could use this as a time to “cultivate myself” a little…

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princeyadon · 7 years ago

Note

Terribly sorry if it's prying, feel free to delete, but why do you hate the daily community so much? I haven't really gotten into it but seeing someone hate it so much makes me believe I probably should not.

Alright I wrote you a whole essay outline cuz I lost my post on why I hate dailyblog. This is also made into a page so I can link people in the future~

It’s very, very long, but was written rather hastily so i may have missed stuff

Whether or not you join is up to you, if you don’t like it you can leave it like I did~

Community

I had a super long post on why I initially couldn’t stand the daily blog community. Can’t say it's like this now, but when I was in it, it was heavily filled w drama. Like, something new was popping up in it more often than in ask blog, which is saying something.

Because of that, I couldn’t leave my house without having anxiety attacks abt what I could possibly come back, even tho i never even checked my dash often.

The nature of the community was very competitive on top of that (regardless of people telling you it's not it fucking is), and I can’t handle being forced into a competitive state if it’s not a game or something, as it makes me feel like I’m fighting for my life and if I lose, everyone will stop caring abt me and my own stuff and I’ll eventually “die off”

Community (My Art)

I couldn’t post much of anything without seeing people, or specific persons, copy key elements or the idea of the art piece itself shortly after

I started to notice quite the amount of people who quickly changed their art style to better match mine, which I understand to be a grey area, but when it got the point where people asked me if specific users were me, when they weren’t, I began to get defensive.

I still get messages time to time of people using my art without my permission or without crediting. I’ve noticed people take what I say abt permissions on using the art on my daily blog, and twist it into something I hadn’t taken into consideration, so they can still use it. I had to come back and make a post on it because of it.

Daily Blogging Itself

It’s extremely fast-paced on top of that, if yer good at art, have a style people like (coughs anime), OR use an extremely popufur pokemon (the fan favs like eevee or some sumo shitmon), you will be flooded w asks and requests. More often than not, requests to see yer mon w another specific mon in a way of gaining art of the mon they actually care abt instead of the pokemon you’re using

If you go all in like I did, you would be doing 1 full art piece a day (or several in advance and queue it, seriously use your queue, especially for daily blogging), 1 ask (regarding the character you’re using), and 1 request. These would be posted on the same day one after the other. You could also limit yourself to just one of these, of course.

You can label yourself weekly, or occasionally is a popular one, but your traction will be less of course. If you plan on making it big, you must also be active within the community, and if you’ve read how problematic it was (idk if it still is), then that can become a problem. Or you just don’t like to be social.

The Great Migration (AKA Bandwagon)

I have unfollowed over 200 or so blogs because they all changed their urls to daily shortly after it gained traction

I can understand some of that, as some people liked the slice of life variation and ask-blog mostly focuses on plot instead.

However I cannot deny that a good chunk of them ONLY made the change because the amount of notes and popularity you get on daily blog, as it’s The Hottest Thing Rn Since Ask Blog.

You got a daily blog?? Post your own art?? Have a generally ok style/art?? Boom! 1k follows within a few months. You can’t really celebrate 100 followers on daily blog because you’ll get them within a month. I get that 100 can be a big deal, but when I joined Dailyblog, you got them practically guaranteed. And when everyone gets it, it becomes less, imo.

This caused the amount of active askblog members to deplete rapidly, and while I did have my absence, I came back after a few months after realizing dailyblog is bullshit.

Because of the lack of active members, including the lack of people giving notes (aka the #s that people like to say aren't important but are because it shows you what people are interested in or not), it caused more ask bloggers to make the switch, either making a new blog or changing their current one.

To sum it up:

>daily blog saps the askblog members, enticing them w popularity

>ask blog losing members, panics because they're not longer getting interest

>desperate to regain the interest, they swap to daily

>ask blog continues to rapidly lose members

>forces more people to make switch or drop ask blog

>Continual loss for askblog while dailyblog grows exponentially

Visual representation of The Great Migration:

The Degree of Separation

Now then, what’s the difference between a dailypokemon, and an askpokemon blog?

What comes to mind for you? For me, when I joined, it was

::Dailyblog::

Primarily comprising of a single Pokemon, hardly any deviations in design, lack of OCs

Slice of Life, the asks you’d get were all filler asks for light hearted fun

Art! Full art pieces, doodles, what have you, on schedule

A bustling new community full of new people

Insane traction for new blogs and growth

::Askblog::

Interactions, rp

Story lines, backstory, plot, developments

OCs, characters that deviate a lot from the Pokemon’s design to become something more original and recognizable

World building, either in canon worlds, or the creation of a new world. New rules, head canons, etc

Is this true for you? I'd say this separation is fair, and it keeps the two separate enough to make use of the url names. "Daily" can't really be applied as a difference, as some daily blogs don't post daily, and some ask blogs do.

Why That’s Gone Now

Now. Do those differences still hold true?

No. For the most part, they are disappearing rapidly. Except for one difference, and it's that Dailyblog continues to grow.

They've merged enough that you can no longer tell the difference much, as people from ask blog have begun to flood daily blog and fill it w plot based, oc based, interaction blogs w the title "daily" only for the purpose of attracting attention and gaining popularity.

The difference between the two is growing slimmer and slimmer as people bandwagon the url name, fearing that askblog itself will die soon, or felt it was a better alternative because of the sudden lack of active askblog owners and community members in ask blog, effectively starting to kill blogs.

Now we can add onto that point form summary:

>daily blog saps the askblog members, enticing them w popularity

>ask blog losing members, panics because they're not longer getting interest

>desperate to regain the interest, they swap to daily

>ask blog continues to rapidly lose members

>forces more people to make switch or drop ask blog

>Continual loss for askblog while dailyblog grows exponentially

>ask bloggers liking the ask blog style but disliking the lack of interest and asks, adopt the daily blog url but continue to maintain the askblog format

>Closing gap between the two

That's all I got for now tho

#ask #text #long post #complaining #anon #Anonymous

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sapphicscholar · 7 years ago

Link

Anon: Hello! I love your fics & writing! I know you have a lot of prompts so feel free to disregard / no rush! I would love to see more of NB!Sawyer being a mentor to young(er) NB folks. Thx for considering! I really love reading your NB!Sawyer fics they are phenomenal! And I hope your day is going well! :D

From @geofender - So, I heard that Asia Kate Dillon came out as a non-binary and pansexual person and received the HRC Visibility Award. Idk if u accept prompts but... can u write NB!Sawyer reacting to this news?

From @lilbevmary - for more of NB!Sawyer (sorry this one isn’t Director Sanvers!)

And for KimberKatie, I'm sorry this is so much later than expected!!

TW for a brief discussion and instance of misgendering

A/N: This chapter brings back Charli from Chapter 127! Apologies for the delay on getting back to Sawyer – I had this chapter all written on my work computer a little while ago but it got deleted and that was just demoralizing…

Chapter Text:

“Damn, they really went all out this year, huh?” Alex whispered, squeezing Sawyer’s hand as they wove through the throngs of people gathered by the silent auction tables and the line from the makeshift bar that snaked through the room.

“Stuff like this is what makes them enough money to keep going through the year,” Sawyer explained, gently tugging Alex over to a relatively quiet corner of the room so they could figure out the game plan for finding the best food and making sure they saw all the people they wanted to see.

Alex settled up against the wall, feeling Sawyer’s arm settling around her waist. She had to admit, the LGBTQ Center had been completely transformed. The fluorescent lighting had been turned off, replaced with strands of twinkling lights and a few spotlights dotted along the “red carpet” for the award night theme. The TVs—more often tuned to the news or to the handful of television shows that had decent LGBTQ representation—had been moved to the edges of the room and were showing clips from other awards ceremonies.

Sawyer glanced around at the different screens, noting Asia Kate Dillon being awarded the HRC Visibility Award on one screen and them presenting the first non-gendered acting award to Emma Watson on the next. They smiled to themself, dropping their head to Alex’s shoulder.

Noting the direction of Sawyer’s gaze, Alex asked, “Nice to get a bit of representation out there, huh?”

“Yeah,” they nodded. Sure, a handful of people out there did not a revolution make, but people like Dillon and Smith were splashing they/them pronouns on mainstream news sites, getting people who were more likely to read Entertainment Weekly than Everyday Feminism to hear about trans and non-binary and genderqueer labels, among others, and learn in a way that didn’t put the onus for education solely on the shoulders of those few out folks in media.

They pulled their gaze off the speech they had pretty much already memorized and scanned the other screens, finding the cast of Moonlight winning their well-deserved Oscars, Ellen Page coming out, and footage from the annual GLAAD awards. As Sawyer moved to turn back to Alex, they noted Charli lingering near the entrance, a roll of raffle tickets hanging from their wrist and a broad smile on their face.

“Should we go buy some tickets? Give Charli a little business?” Alex asked, looking over at the entrance as well.

“Ah, well, they should earn their free dinner,” Sawyer teased. “I’ll go grab tickets from them if you want to find us food.”

“You’ve got a deal. Dessert first?”

“Always.”

While Alex peered over the food table, inspecting all of the options and making small talk with a few of the staff members from the Center she had gotten to know over the past couple of months, Sawyer found their way over to Charli. “Excuse me, I’ll need all of your tickets,” they announced dramatically. “I need to win all of the prizes for my fiancée.” They still beamed at the new title—at the subtle band that sat on their left ring finger—a reminder of the forever they had promised one another.

“That so, Sawyer? Here I thought she stayed with you for love. Didn’t realize it was just your deep pockets.”

“Ouch! You wound me,” Sawyer teased, though they were glad to see Charli in high spirits. As much as they had opened up to Sawyer their first time meeting in the Center, it had taken a while for Charli to begin treating Sawyer as more of an equal—someone they could tease right back instead of someone who was always in the role of mentor and adult and educator.

“Yeah, yeah, somehow I don’t think the hurt will last.”

“Mm, probably not,” Sawyer agreed. “Now, how goes the volunteering? Any fun stories to tell? You know: sharing is caring and gossip is best shared with your dear friend and mentor…”

“You just wanna know if Marc brought the boyfriend that he hasn’t let anyone meet.”

“Did he?”

Charli laughed and shook their head. “He’s been here since noon panicking about all the last-minute decisions. He would’ve been the worst date.”

“Fair…” Sawyer mused, looking around to see if they had questions about anyone else in the vicinity. “Everyone being alright to you?”

Charli shrugged, their smile faltering slightly. “Eh, a few people see the dress and keep calling me miss, but, I don’t know, I guess it’s fine.”

“You can correct them, you know, if you feel comfortable.” They knew that the Center had become something of a safe place for Charli, a place where they could be out and open, could come and know that people wouldn’t misgender them or assume they were straight and cis just because they wore a skirt and lip gloss.

“It’s fine. It’s—tonight isn’t about me.”

Sawyer pursed their lips, not wanting to force Charli to do anything but also knowing just how demoralizing it could get when person after person wasn’t getting it, wasn’t acknowledging that there might be something wrong with assuming a he/she gender binary at a freaking LGBTQ Center event. Catching sight of Alex with a still empty plate talking to one of the Center’s board members who had been trying to talk her into running for a spot on the board now that she spent almost as much time as Sawyer in the Center, Sawyer decided they could hang out with Charli a little while longer, help make sure that they were being treated well even by the attendees who only showed up at the Center for its twice yearly black tie events.

The next few guests were fine. One knew Charli and greeted them with a warm hug as he thanked them for giving up their night to help out, then introduced them to his husband, and the next few were polite enough as they declined the offer to buy tickets, most of them making a beeline for the bar instead. The next group to stroll in brushed right past without listening to Charli’s pitch about the proceeds going to a good cause, and they caught Sawyer’s gaze and rolled their eyes. “Keeps happening.”

“Yeah, well, at least we’ve got a cash bar so that we still get something out of them.”

“Excuse me, miss?” came a guest’s voice as she made her way through the door. “Can you tell me where the reserved seating is?”

“Uh, sure,” Charli answered, gritting their teeth and gesturing at the door and toward the rows closest to the stage. “Left side is reserved for Center staff and awardees. Right side for family and friends of the Center.”

“Thank you, dear. Also, I love your dress. You look so pretty!”

“They do have a rather wonderful sense of style,” Sawyer cut in, throwing an arm around Charli and grinning down at them.

“Oh, ah, yes—yes, they do.”

As she wandered off into the crowd, Charli looked up at Sawyer. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“I didn’t have to—and I won’t again if you don’t want me to—but I know I like it when Alex does it for me when I’m not quite feeling up to it.”

“Yeah…thanks,” they mumbled.

“Anytime, kiddo.”

“Excuse me, I’m 16 years old.”

“Psh, barely.”

“I can drive!”

“Don’t own a car, though.”

“You’re rude.”

“I’m delightful.”

Charli just rolled their eyes and turned back to the door, almost immediately turning back to Sawyer with an undignified little squeak.

“You okay?” Sawyer asked, all signs of teasing gone as they went into protective mentor mode.

“Yeah! Yeah, um, totally fine,” Charli rambled, their gaze flicking back and forth between Sawyer and the line of people filing in through the main entrance.

Sawyer scanned the crowd, their gaze lighting on one of the high school-aged girls they’d noticed hanging around the Center once or twice over the past few weeks. “Have anything to do with Neeti showing up?” they asked, a knowing glint in their eyes and a teasing smile on their lips.

“No!”

“Really? So your cheeks are just always pink and I haven’t noticed it?”

“Yep, mhm.”

“You should talk to her.”

“We already talk.”

“Why not tonight?”

“She just…” Charli trailed off, finally letting out a dramatic sigh and giving in. “This past week I think…I think maybe she was flirting with me?”

“Do tell! Let me get Alex, hold on!”

“No!”

“Fine, I’ll wait a few minutes. Spill.”

“I don’t know! She just said something about how it would be nice to see me outside the Center and maybe we should get coffee, just the two of us.”

“So she asked you out on a date.”

“I don’t know.”

“No, I’m telling you: she asked you on a date.”

“Well it’s happening in two days—whatever it is.”

“Oh my gosh, we need to make sure she’s good enough for our baby! We need get Alex over here first. She’s better at the intimidation tactics.”

“Ugh, you’re like the embarrassing parents I thought I escaped for the night,” Charli sighed, but the smile they kept trying to hide suggested otherwise.

“Oh, Alex!” Sawyer called out, motioning for her to come over and join them.

Eventually Alex made it through the crowd, two plates of food held aloft to keep them safe. She arched an eyebrow as she handed over a plate. “You bellowed?”

“Charli here has a date this week and is in desperate need of some embarrassing parental figures for the night, which means we need some shitty dad jokes to properly embarrass them. Hit me with your worst puns!”

“Why do you think I would just know bad puns?”

Charli snickered as Sawyer shrugged, looking far too innocent. “I’m just saying, out of the two of us…I’m too funny to tell jokes that awful.”

“I resent that. You’re barely funny.”

“Quite the opposite—I crack myself up.”

“Yeah, yeah, Sawyer. If you’re the only one laughing…”

“Hush,” Sawyer retorted, silencing Alex with a kiss.

“Alright, well, I’m gonna leave you two lovebirds alone…”

“Not so fast!” Alex called, handing off her plate to Sawyer and rounding on Charli. “Tell me all about your mystery date. Who are they?”

Charli sighed, even though they were secretly pleased that Alex had been just as welcoming as Sawyer. She certainly didn’t have any obligation to—not that Sawyer did either, but at least they were a volunteer—but Alex had been quick to invite Charli over to their home and hang out with old science journals while Sawyer chatted with Charli about their own experience coming out and dealing with assholes out in the world. Every so often she would lean over the back of the couch and chime in with words of encouragement or grumbled threats when Sawyer recounted some of the more egregious stories, but she was just as happy to open her doors and let the two of them take over the kitchen for the night.

“Well, her name is Neeti—she’s the one over in the black pants and the maroon shirt over there. She goes to the private school across town, but she lives kind of close to me. She’s really smart.”

“Dating nerds is the best!” Sawyer crowed through a mouthful of cupcake.

“One day she saw me in the Center reading Macbeth for my English class, and when I threw it down, she came over and sat with me and helped translate it into modern English, told me it helps to read it aloud or see it performed.”

“That sounds like a nice date idea…” Alex trailed off, grinning at the way Charli’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“No, I mean, she invited me over to come watch some of the movies, but I think she was just trying to help me with my homework.”

“Who do you think is more oblivious,” Sawyer asked, a shit-eating grin on their lips, “Charli or Kara?”

“Oh man, I can only pick one?” Alex laughed.

“You’re the worst.”

“That’s factually incorrect. We feed you. Now let us meet your totally just a friend that you have a big crush on who wants you to come over her house to cuddle and watch movies with her.”

Charli grimaced but dutifully waved to Neeti. And, as nervous as they might have been about introducing her to Sawyer, they also knew that Sawyer always had their best intentions at heart. Plus, if waving at Neeti earned them that smile…well, they would wave a hundred times more.

“Hey, Charli!” Neeti greeted them, pulling them in for a hug that had Sawyer and Alex giving exaggerated thumbs up to Charli behind Neeti’s back.

“Hey! I didn’t know you were coming tonight.”

“Oh yeah, well, um, I remembered you mentioning it, so…”

Sawyer just barely resisted the urge to let out a loud noise of excitement at the adorable awkward flirting.

“Cool, yeah, I’m, uh, really glad you made it.”

“Yeah?” Neeti beamed at Charli. “I know you’re stuck on door duty for a while, but want me to go steal you some dessert?”

“It would be a shame if you missed out on the cannoli,” Sawyer interjected, unable to resist any longer.

Seeing the look of confusion on Neeti’s face at the new voices, Charli took a deep breath and introduced them: “Neeti, this is Sawyer.”

“You look familiar,” Neeti noted.

“Yeah, I volunteer at the Center. But normally just on weekends.”

“Ah okay, yeah, I come in after school sometimes, but not a lot on the weekends.”

Sawyer bit their tongue and didn’t ask whether it was because Charli also tended to spend a couple of nights a week in the Center working on their homework.

“And this is Alex, their fiancée,” Charli added, gesturing toward Alex who offered a wave and a small smile.

“Nice to meet you, Neeti.”

“You too.”

Deciding the awkward hovering between just friends and trying to date wasn’t the best time to subject Charli and Neeti to an interrogation or shovel talks, Alex turned to Sawyer. “What do you say we go hit the buffet one more time before we find our seats?”

“It doesn’t start for another half hour,” Sawyer protested.

“And you can’t think of any way to spend half an hour with your fiancée?” Alex shot Sawyer a pointed look, trying to communicate that they should leave the two young ones to themselves, give them a chance to flirt awkwardly and stumble their way toward realizing that the liking bit wasn’t one-sided.

“Oh…oh! Okay, sure!” Shooting a wink over their shoulder at Charli, they called, “She means stuffing our faces with dessert and playing 20 Questions, just so we’re all clear!”

“Whatever you say, Sawyer! Whatever you say,” Charli laughed, turning back to Neeti, their broad grin morphing into a shy smile. “So, uh, how was your week?”

Sawyer was tempted to linger, hiding behind a group of tall people, but they let Alex drag them back to the table for proper dinner food this round. “If things go any further between them…”

“If it goes further, you can get in line behind me to make sure that they both have only the best of intentions.”

“And you’ll do the dad jokes?”

“Why do you keep insisting I tell dad jokes?”

“Look, Danvers…I’m not saying it wasn’t adorable, but I do remember the anniversary card you wrote me that began with asking me if I was made of copper and some other element ’cause I was so damn cute.”

“Tellurium,” Alex interjected, grinning and chuckling to herself.

“See! Big nerd—right there.”

Alex silenced them with a kiss, feeling their lips pulling up into a broad smile and fearing another teasing remark was coming. “If you wanna get as lucky as DNA helicase tonight…” She let the threat linger in the air.

“But you’re not even wearing jeans, Danvers!”

#sanvers #nb!sawyer #maggie sawyer #alex danvers #tw brief instance of misgendering #fanfic #prompt fill #fluff #representation matters #ao3feed #original character

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