#or put him in situations that are totally absurd

[bonefall]

if you're stretching for shadowclan cats to use:

antpelt is mistakenly listed as from shadowclan in battles of the clans, and the wiki had him as a different character for a while. he also has an unnamed apprentice

shredtail is also mistakenly listed in shadowclan during bramblestar's storm

I am absolutely at the point where I'm willing to make absolutely ABSURD stretches. I'm affectionately calling all the extra cats I'm scrounging up from writer mistakes and background scenes "ShadowClan's Glitch Warriors." Thank you so much for pointing these three out, they're going in the list.

Suddenly, I was struck with an absolutely hilarious idea. Partner wanted something fun to draw but still has read absolutely nothing about Warriors, so I pitched;

"I will tell you nothing about these characters or who they are except their names. Draw a Shredtail, an Antpelt, and Antpelt's apprentice. TOTAL freedom over the designs here."

First they drew this lmao,

"This is a joke," they clarified

"NO I LOVE IT," I said, "KEEP GOING"

So we got Dollar Tree Shredtail, Great Value Antpelt, and the best thing I've ever seen in my life. Once they put these designs down, we talked personality and differentiators from the canon counterparts while they colored and refined them;

I loved the bushy gaster tail so much that I swore on the spot I was going to work it upwards into a whole bloodline, including the very obscure background warrior in AVOS, Wasptail. So even though they're mentor and apprentice in BOTC, I've decided these two will also be related. Probably siblings, or auncle/nespring.

The little black one is based off an Admiral Butterfly (it was my idea to make the little spots on their chest look like medals), so the name seems clear to me. Admiralpaw. Xey'll be meewa unless another gender works better; and I'm planning for xem to go out during a bloody battle against The Kin in true admiral style.

(funfact; admiral butterflies are extremely territorial. Males fight each other for control of a plant to attract females to.)

Warrior name is still undecided, though. Open to suggestions, leaning towards Admiralflight or Admiralflower.

Not-Antpelt I'm having name troubles with. I REALLY wanted to name them Majorheart, after a major ant, to keep the "military ranking + bug" pun that Addy's got... but it seems that none of the ants in this area would have a major caste. B'awww.

In the meanwhile, Antspot works fine. Alatefang or Dronepelt could work, too. Feel free to shout out suggestions, this guy's name and gender aren't set in stone.

Lastly, here's Diet Shreddy. Girl now <3

She is 100% going to be killed during The Battle of the True Eclipse, keeping consistent with the mistake in Bramblestar's Storm where Blackstar mournfully calls out the name of a Dark Forest warrior. I'm also undecided on if the actual Shredtail himself dies during that battle in BB, it might just be her.

In any case, she's probably going to be a TPB girl. If she's born during Brokenstar's time, she's one of the younger ShadowClan cats to take part in the WindClan Massacre. Might even be an early apprentice at the time, in a similar situation to Badgerfang (though in BB this was a one-time thing). If not during Brokenstar, then sometime during Nightstar's brief reign.

Right now she has no family, she's in my "reserves" at the side to use as a patch between generations. Her name is probably going to be either Tattertail or Shredclaw, given as an Honor Title after the Battle of BloodClan.

So she had a previous warrior name as well. She seems like the kind of troublemaker who would have the prefix Sike-- a small stream that dries up in summer. Sikestripe, if her name was given by Nightstar, or Sikestrike, if it was given by Tigerstar. Maybe it was one and then the other, in a sign of disrespect to his predecessor's lie.

[thegeminisage]

lucanis/rook good. lucanis/neve good. lucanis/davrin DEFINITELY good. but i think we are sleeping on lucanis/harding. here's a link to some of their banter, though i'm not sure it's everything in the game.

harding starts the game casually threatening lucanis (like davrin) with her very fancy demon-killing arrow. and yet, aside from the one line where he points out that she only has the ONE arrow, instead of getting bitchy with her the way he does with davrin, lucanis seems to respect her bravery. he notes in another cutscene (i'll get to it later) that her being so small physically might have made it easier for other people to intimidate her when she was young, so it's possibly he was making incorrect assumptions about her based on her size and easy-going nature, and is surprised to find she's made out of pretty tough stuff after all, despite of those things

she then throws him totally off-guard by assuring him she isn't brave at all, but terrified of him (or spite), and she knows that if he does lose control, it won't even be his fault - but she'll put him down no matter how scared she is. lucanis's reaction to this is to first try to laugh it off as brutal honesty, and then grow sober and TELL HER TO KEEP HER BOW CLOSE? one little shred of sympathy and kindness totally obliterated whatever combative sarcasm he was gearing up to give her with that "only one arrow" business.

later, lucanis urges her to watch their enemies rather than him - he's genuinely concerned that she's so scared of him and distracted by him she's going to get herself hurt.

lucanis, who canonically doesn't sleep and gets lots of bad dreams, talks through all of harding's dreams with her - from the silly and mundane to the genuinely terrifying - and goes out of his way to buy her spearmint to help with her nightmares. like he cares SO MUCH

after weisshaupt (on my playthrough, anyway) we learn that harding has since GIVEN her demon-killing arrow to him to prove to him she trusts him, and he wants to give it back to prove that he trusts her. it's genuinely very sweet

also after weisshaupt, harding comforts lucanis and tries to get him to stop torturing himself over his missed shot at ghilan'nain. she's not alone in doing this, but it's still good

COFFEE SCENE. not only does this scene prove lucanis pays close attention to harding, he looks at her with so much fondness here...and after this scene, their party banter involves her working through what he's pointed out about her. his dialogue implies that she shouldn't change to appease other people - because he cares about her well-being AND because he thinks she's great just the way she is.

NOT ONLY THAT, but harding realizes lucanis's evaluation was so keen because he himself is a little bit of a people-pleaser - and with that observation, once again manages to catch him off-guard. she surprises him throughout their relationship

one of my favorite bits with them is comparing notes on their various magical situations. both of them are firmly non-mages who have been unwillingly saddled with magical or magic-adjacent abilities. lucanis is the first to figure out why constantly using magic always makes her hungry (from experience) and he can also relate to being completely freaked out the first time her magical abilities manifested.

near the end of the game, lucanis admits that harding's reputation with the bow is more than earned, and even expresses interest in working with her in the future, after the war against the gods has ended, for an absurd amount of coin. i've seen people point to this banter as proof that lucanis doesn't know the value of money ("it's a banana, michael, how much could it cost? ten dollars?"), but he does his own shopping - he absolutely does know the value of money, he just ALSO places a high value on harding's skills and trustworthiness. i would dare to venture he is smitten!

also, this. OWWW MY HEART

[writing-for-life]

A Game of You—Shawn McManus

[sunaluv]

Come get your man, come get your man!

In which someone has an obvious crush on your man

Feat: suna, nagi, ran, eren

Ignore the pairings I’m indecisive lols

SUNA RINTARO

“Hey you’re suna’s girlfriend right?” You looked up to see a girl with a stretched smile looking at you expectedly.

“Yeah, what’s up?” You asked, seeing no reason to be hostile yet.

“So nice to meet you! I sit next to him in english, you could say he’s kinda my english boyfriend,”

Oh.

You knew suna was attractive and you had a feeling this was inevitable, but that does not stop the shock of the situation.

“He told me about you, said you had a weird sense of humor,” you replied with a tight lipped smile.

‘He didn’t say that, he just said she was weird’ you thought.

“Omg so he does talk about me! It’s so weird, he like totally ignores me but it’s nice to know he talks to others about me,”

Now you were more amused than anything.

“But anyways, the reason I wanted to talk to you, girl to girl is that I think he might be into me a bit-not trying to sabotage your relationship it’s just… if it was me, I’d want someone to tell me.” She sat down next to you, putting an hand on your arm in faux comfort.

A voice called her name “what are you doing here.”

Like a deer caught in headlight, the girl stammered over her words “suna, I was just talking to your girlfriend about us.”

“There is no ‘us’” he deadpanned.

You watched amused as she accused suna of leading her on, saying how she kept borrowing pencils from her, or not moving his knee all the time when they’d touch and other absurd accusations on why he’s into her.

When she stormed off embarrassed and heartbroken, he sat next to you.

“Why did you intervene? I was having fun getting to know your english girlfriend,” you teased making him groan.

RAN HAITANI

“Omg you’re so pretty!”

Your boyfriend was on the other side of the nightclub dealing with who knows what as you smiled at the girl who had been gassing you for the past 2 minutes.

“I’m so glad stinky old ran found such a beauty like you, how did he cuff you?” She looked around as if searching for someone before leaning in close to speak over the booming music of the club.

“Just asking to check, he told you about us right?”

What us? “No he didn’t, what’s up with that?”

She sent an apologetic look. “He was here last week and we kinda…hooked up. Im not trying to be a homewrecker I just thought you should know.”

This liar, last week he had flown out with you on holiday for the week. You had arrived two days ago due to his business needing him.

But she didn’t need to know that.

“Omg no way, he’s cheating on me!” You faked hurt.

“Im sorry girl, I-“

“Why are you like this,” Your boyfriends strong groan cut into your conversation.

“Stop lying to her ran, she doesn’t deserve this! Come clean right now, you and I hooked up in that bathroom last we-“

“We weren’t in the country last week, dumbass.”

She froze and as if piecing everything together, she was about to fume at you. You knew she was lying and embarrassed her like that.

“You sly little-“

Before she could finish, ran was already pulling you away from her and leading you towards the back of the nightclub.

���I hate you by the way,” he sulked before you could even begin to poke fun at him.

NAGI SEISHIRO

You stared at your boyfriends ringing phone next to you, then back to said man who was absentmindedly clicking on his keyboard.

“Baby can you get that for me?”

You agreed, pressing accept on the incoming call from a random girls name that you’ve heard in passing from Nagi himself, nothing to be worried about, quite the opposite actually.

He keeps complaining about how she won’t leave him alone, but you defended the girl you didn’t know, saying maybe she was friendly.

Answering the call, a pretty girl sat infront of the window, neck angled so that the gold light shined on her face.

She obviously wasn’t expecting to see you, as she quickly adjusted her position to a more casual setting.

“Uhm hello, you must be sei’s friend, can you put him on the phone?” She asked, not hiding her distaste that your man wasn’t the one answering the phone.

“Girlfriend,” you corrected. “And he’s busy right now, I can get him to call you back if you want,”

She glared at you seeing you not let down. “Okay I guess. Just tell him it’s KK calling, he’ll come to me.”

You sent her a challenging look before relaying the message to the man three meters away from you nice and loud so she can hear.

“Hang up.” You saw her eyes widen and didn’t bother to hide your smile.

“What was that?” You asked.

He repeated himself, not realising she could still hear him, but before you could hang up, she had already done it, too embarrassed to face the girl who has what she wanted.

“You see what I mean now?”

EREN YEAGER

You stood in between the spread legs of your boyfriend in the party hosts kitchen as his big arms held your back to his chest. His long legs kicked the cabinets as he swung his legs, staring down the girl stood across the room.

“Why are you staring at me?” She asked giggling seductively.

“You’re being weird.”

“Whatever,” she smiled, rolling her eyes.

You fiddled with the necklace eren bought you for your anniversary, which seemed to get her attention.

“Cute chain girl,” she covered her annoyance with intrigue. “Did yeager boy here get it for you?”

You sent her a look, nodding to confirm.

“Omg that reminds me of this one time when we went on holiday together, you remember that ‘ren? When you bought me that cute set?” She batted her eyelashes at him.

You knew exactly what she was doing and it wasn’t going to work. It’s such a shame she had to act like this too, she was pretty, you’ll admit.

You trusted your man, he gave you a head up about the girl who leeched on to him, warning you about all the lies and deception she would try to drill in your mind.

“That was back in Spain right? He bought a extras while looking for this one right?” You smiled at her innocently.

“Wowwww, you told her about me eren? I’m so flattered” if she was pissed, and you knew she was, she didn’t show it.

“Mhm he told me all about you, about how you leech on to him at any chance you get.”

She let out loud, forced laughter “she’s a funny one yeager, make sure you keep a tight leash on this one.” She looked at you and you swore you saw her eye twitch.

The pair of you stayed silent as you watched her aggressively walk back towards the party.

“You’re better than me you know, if any of your guy friends started to act like that I would’ve beat his ass,”

You chuckled, turning in his hold to face him. “Good thing you were holding me because one more second and I would have.”

God he was so in love with you.

[sluttywonwoo]

u should write something abt dom wonwoo having to stop to clean your squirt off his glasses, imagine if you laughed at him

it happens too fast. you don’t even recognize the feeling creeping up on you until it’s already too late. one second your boyfriend is tongue-fucking your cunt, the next, you’re squirting all over his face.

you gasp in horror and cover your mouth with your hands as wonwoo raises his head from between your legs.

“oh, my god, i’m so sorry!”

he wipes his dripping mouth with the back of his hand and shrugs. “happens.”

happens? what the hell does that mean?

you can’t tell what he’s thinking. did he think it was hot, or was he totally grossed out? he’s never not liked it before but he’s being uncharacteristically quiet.

you’re usually pretty good at reading your boyfriend but for whatever reason you can’t right now.

it takes a second before you realize it’s because you can’t see his eyes. his glasses, just like the rest of his face, are covered in… you and the droplets of moisture on the lenses have obscured what’s behind them.

the whole situation is so absurd that you can’t help but laugh a little, still trying to hide your expression with your hands.

wonwoo takes his glasses off, finally, and wipes them on the t-shirt he’d taken off and thrown aside a few minutes earlier before putting them back on. he’d have to clean them for real later.

“are you laughing at me?” he asks, voice even.

you freeze. “…no?”

he tongues his cheek as he looks down at you, cocking his head to the side as if he’s deciding what to do with you.

“i make you cum and you pay me back by laughing in my face?”

“i-i’m sorry, wonwoo…”

“and then lying to me about it?”

you gulp. this couldn’t end well for you.

“i’m sorry,” you repeat.

wonwoo hooks his arms under your knees and yanks you down the mattress to be flush with his hips.

“i don’t think you are sorry,” he sneers, teasing your sensitive clit with the head of his cock, “but you will be.”

[noellefan101]

Nick-Names - Genshin

Characters: Xiao, Scaramouche, Venti, Lyney, Albedo, Kaveh, Thoma, Diluc, Childe, Heizou, Kazuha x GN reader

Warnings: a lot of cheesy and weird nicknames, if you dont like some for a specific char you're welcome to send me your ideas, could be modern au, established relationship

(you can clearly see that i prob put in an OC, so im so sry, but some i just also really head-canon as the "would rather date a loving person than be loving" if you get what i mean)

Summary: both of your pet names for each other, some silly some sweet

Note: you can really tell where i had no ideas for nicknames. and ik i use both 'pet names' and 'nicknames' but im just kinda stupid and didnt care to change stuff when i was already done with it. also i may just have a problem but why does princess sound 10x better than prince, no matter your gender, anyway love youuuu

Xiao

He will always say what is on his mind, and he did the same thing when you brought up using pet names. he wasn't very fond of the idea, and sometimes he still isn't(depending on the situation). but he has gotten used to it more over time, like when you burst open his door and to talk to him while using the most absurd nicknames he´s ever heard of.

__

Pet names for you: lovely, qinxing, [shorter version of your name](sry people with short names, i fell ya)

Pet names for him: babe, baby, cutie, dove, birdy, my alatus

Scaramouche

Will never admit he likes being called weird things by you, EVER. if he did then he was drunk and he was totally lying. and that counts with calling you stuff as well, he would rather die than admit he doesn't just call you that bc you wanted him to.

__

Pet names for you: idiot, princess/prince, dear

Pet names for him: smoochi, love

Venti

He was probably the one who suggested the idea at first, like two days/weeks (seconds) into your relationship. i also think he already had at least one nickname for you when you were "just friends", in the crushing phase, and has some for all his other friends as well(prob also his teachers if school au, lul).

__

Pet names for you: windblume, cecilia, [insert the cheesiest thing you can think of], my love

Pet names for him: venni, my dear, sweetheart, my bard

Lyney

He would be over the moon if you gave him a nickname, and would instantly be looking like a tomato too. would increase its usage by tenfolds if you said you liked one of his nicknames. you cannot stop him even if you somehow got 'Father' involved.

__

Pet names for you: babe, mon trésor, mon amour, beautiful

Pet names for him: sweetie, amour, lyn

Albedo

He didn't really see a use for it at first, finding it kind of useless. but sooner or later realized how happy you looked when he had somehow slipped up and called you 'love' when he needed your assistance. and later just didn't bother to stop.

__

Pet names for you: love, my cecelia, my dear

Pet names for him: 'bedo, lovely, (my) genius

Kaveh

He LOVES nick-names, probably made one for everyone in the friend group(yk alhaitham, tighnari n cyno), and would be delighted to make some up for you.

__

Pet names for you: beloved, lovely

Pet names for him: baby,

Thoma

He really wanted to try using them, yes he calls Ayato and Ayaka my lord and my lady, but its just not the same as calling your lover something sweet. and good luck if you don't like it, he's keeping those names forever.

__

Pet names for you: babe, sweetheart, baby, sleepyhead, lovely

Pet names for him: babe, love

Diluc

He honestly wasn't a fan at first, he hated it even. but of course, you being you, insisted on using names for him, and encouraged him to at least try to use some for you. so he kinda got into routine with it.

__

Pet names for you: my love, my dear

Pet names for him: dear, red head, love, my hero

Childe

Of course, he would use nick-names and such, he uses nick-names for the traveler and paimon, so of course he would be using such with you. honestly how could he not, especially when you're looking all cute cuddled up in his hoodie.

__

Pet names for you: my love, beloved, cupcake

Pet names for him: ginger, ma strong man(only for teasing purposes), hubby

Heizou

He'll almost never call you by your actual name, he didnt even when you two were just friends, only in the most serious of times would he do that. so it was no surprise that when you actually started dating, they could only become sweeter and cheesier as time goes by.

__

Pet names for you: princess/prince, baby, beautiful, (my) sunshine

Pet names for him: hei, zou-zou, babe

Kazuha

He loves it bc no matter what you call him he'll be happy. and he makes sure you have "some" as well, and i guess he just can't stop coming up with more, and they're always more cheesy than the last. you don't know how he does it, but maybe its just his poetry skills coming through.

__

Pet names for you: dove, (my) love, sweetheart, sweetie, my dear

Pet names for him: kazu, dear

thank u for reading whatever this thing is(totally not a filler bc i habe been working on that streamer au for too long), luv ya-Masterlist

You are welcome to reblog and like any of my posts, but you CAN NOT translate, copy or hate on anybody for liking my posts

[luminoustarlight]

As Fate Would Have It | Chapter Three

Lines are beginning to blur between you and Anakin.

◂ chapter two ▸ chapter four

rating: mature | pairing: dilf!anakin skywalker x afab!reader | wc: 5.2k | read on ao3

warnings: alcohol, age-gaps, body image insecurities (anakin), sexual fantasies/content, swearing, a little bit of mean anakin

“Tell me everything! Is he everything you thought he’d be? Totally dreamy? All stoic and boss-like? Oh, what does he smell like? Expensive?” 

Your best friend has barely taken off her shoes before bombarding you with questions about your first day working for Anakin Skywalker. You give her a welcoming hug before taking her hand and leading her into the living room. “Come on, I’ve already opened a bottle of wine.” 

Two empty glasses stand next to a middle-shelf Pinot Gris on your coffee table. Sabine takes it upon herself to pour the wine and pulls the granny square blanket from the back of your couch over her lap. She looks like she’s settling in for a bedtime story. 

“Okay, I’m ready. Lay it on me.” 

You situate yourself on the opposite end of the couch and slip your legs under the blanket. You take a small sip of wine before attempting to answer any of Sabine’s questions. Your first day at Skywalker Enterprises went by in a blur. Meeting your boss was not at all how you imagined it would go. It was all so clumsy. Anakin seemed more like an embarrassed school boy than the confident CEO you were expecting. He looked like he saw a ghost when he saw you sitting behind your desk. And then, in the car on the way to his house, he addressed your butt. 

“Let me know if your butt gets too toasty,” he said. It was so incredibly adorable because you could tell he let a little bit of his guard down when he said it. Obviously, he didn’t mean to. Because no sensible boss should talk about his assistant’s butt. Especially not when you’ve only just met each other. You found it endearing. 

But then, after the initial awkwardness faded and you continued talking to each other throughout the day, there was a sense of familiarity about him. The structure of his sentences when he spoke reminded you of someone. You’re just not sure who. 

“He’s not really what I thought he’d be like.”

“How so?” Sabine asks. 

“I don’t know,” you shrug, unable to explain the stirring of feelings and emotions in your chest. “He’s… he was sort of awkward when we first met. Like, stuttering and fumbling over his words. Almost as if I made him nervous.” 

Sabine nods slowly with her eyes narrowed. “Go on…” 

“Well, that’s crazy, right? The fact that I could’ve made him nervous?” 

“Not necessarily. Look at you. You didn’t have a successful OnlyFans page for nothing.” 

“Yeah, but he’s in his forties,” you emphasize. You remind yourself of his age nearly every minute to remember how inappropriate it is to be attracted to your boss. Applying for the job was such a bad idea. What made you think you wouldn’t be attracted to him when you saw him in person? Your cheeks get hot as you think about him rounding the car to open your door once you got back to the office after dropping off his son’s pants at school. It was just a common courtesy, not a sign of interest. But damn, was it nice to be on the reciprocating end of something gentlemanly.

“And he’s a dad! I shouldn’t be making dads nervous,” you add. “I mean, I saw a picture of his wife at his house. She was stunning. Stunning, Sabine. High cheekbones, a nice straight nose, a gorgeous smile…” 

“Wait, he’s married?!” Sabine sets down her glass. 

“Widowed.” 

“Oh,” Sabine says sadly. Then her eyebrows perk up. “Oh.” 

“Don’t,” you hold up your finger. “Don’t give me that look. He’s my boss.” 

“But you like him,” Sabine sings. “And from what it sounds like, he likes you too.” 

You cannot let Sabine put the idea of Anakin Skywalker, engineering millionaire, having a measly little crush on you. Because it’s absolutely absurd. He’s him and you’re… you’re just a girl who was uploading videos of herself masturbating for money just last week. Not that there is anything wrong with sex work. It’s empowered you in so many ways, but it was time to find something a bit more steady and reliable. And less physically taxing, to be perfectly honest. 

“Sabine, be serious. I-” your phone pings with a distinct tone that makes you pause. 

New Message from Skyguy81 

“Oh, my God,” you say. 

“What?” Sabine asks. 

“It’s Sky,” you answer her while opening the message.

Sabine eagerly crawls on top of you to peer at your screen. “Sky as in Rich Guy Sky? Did you upload a new video or something? What did he say?”

“No,” you shake your head. “I haven’t uploaded anything since last Thursday. Get off of me so I can read his message.” 

Sabine retreats to her side of the couch as you begin reading to her. 

“I thought about you at work today. I thought about you more than I would like to admit. You have no idea what you do to me, Honey. No idea what I would do to you.” Your tongue feels like sandpaper and your heart is in the bottom of your throat. 

“Oh, shit!” Sabine exclaims. “You’ve got this boy whipped! Honestly, you should just keep making videos for him. He was your best tipper, anyway.” 

“He’s never… he’s never messaged me out of the blue before.” You chug down the last of your wine, thinking you may need some liquid courage for whatever conversation is about to unfold between you and Sky. 

“He wants you,” Sabine says simply. “Make it happen.” 

“I can’t just meet up with someone from OnlyFans. It’s an episode of Dateline waiting to happen.” 

Sabine rolls her eyes. “Don’t be so cynical.” 

“I’m not being cynical, I’m being logical,” you counter. You’d be foolish to risk your life by meeting up with Skyguy81. No matter how nice and genuine he seems over private messages. No matter how much money he has tipped you. There is no guarantee he’s not absolutely creepy and going to kidnap you.

Okay, so maybe you watch too much true crime. That’s why you have to balance it out with The Great British Bake Off. 

“I don’t know. I’m just saying,” Sabine finishes her wine, “you never know. He could be the love of your life.” 

You’re quiet as you contemplate the love of your life. Sabine is the romantic. You’re the realist. You have a hard time believing there’s one person in the world who you’re destined to be with. How do you explain Anakin losing his wife? Was she the love of his life? Is he not supposed to move on and potentially find happiness with someone else? None of it makes sense to you and it’s quite possibly because you’ve never been in love. 

And the image of the person who you might like the opportunity to love is entirely unavailable. 

.

.

.

It’s times like tonight when Anakin wishes he didn’t raise such inquisitive, curious children. Leia is simply chock-full of questions about her dad’s new assistant. When do they get to meet her? Soon. Is she old like Auntie Dorothy? No. Does she like vintage Disney movies? (Anything before 2010 is “vintage” to Leia). I don’t know. 

Luke, on the other hand, was very disappointed to learn that you were in the car while his dad dropped off a new pair of pants. “You made her wait in the car like a dog?” 

Anakin snorts. “I wouldn’t quite say like a dog, Luke. I was gone for less than five minutes.” 

“Did you at least roll down the window? So she could have fresh air?” Leia joins in on the comical idea of their dad leaving his assistant in his car like a pet. 

“That’s enough out of you two,” Anakin says through a grin. These 9 year olds, man. What is he going to do with them? 

Luke and Leia nod, going back to stabbing their dumplings with their chopsticks. 

“I have one last question.” Leia watches her dumpling precariously dangle on the edge of her chopstick. 

“What is that, princess?” Anakin asks.   

“Is she pretty?” 

Anakin’s pulse is going to burst. It’s a simple question- one that always seems to be on the tip of Leia’s tongue. She wants a woman figure in her life. Soon, she’ll be at the age that is easier to navigate with a maternal presence. Anakin is really not equipped to talk her through menstrual cycles. 

But it’s the nature of who his new assistant is that makes him feel so exposed. He can’t very well tell his children you’re the most beautiful woman he’s seen since his wife. And he definitely can’t tell them that you’ve been in his life not since this morning, but since three years ago when he downloaded OnlyFans. 

Anakin cleans the corners of his mouth with his napkin while he formulates an appropriate response. He’s kept his answers short and simple because if he thinks about you for too long, your figure seeps into his vision, your voice burns in his ears, and he’s unable to focus. 

He feels like such a sleaze for getting hard just by thinking about you. You are so much more than a sexual object. And trust him, he can’t wait to learn about all that makes you you. But morals be damned. He wants you desperately. 

“Yes, Leia. She’s quite pretty,” Anakin finally answers. 

Leia can’t help but dance excitedly in her seat. “I can’t wait to meet her.” 

“I could’ve met her today,” Luke mumbles. “If Dad hadn’t locked her up in the car.” 

Anakin is laughing now. “I have a feeling you are going to be bringing this up for a while.” 

After dinner, the kids clear the dishes and load what they can into the dishwasher. Meanwhile, Anakin does something either incredibly brave or incredibly stupid. 

.

.

.

Stupid, stupid, stupid. 

I thought about you at work today. I thought about you more than I would like to admit. You have no idea what you do to me, Honey. No idea what I would do to you.

Now being 10 pm, it’s been 3 hours since Anakin— or rather, Skyguy81— sent you that message. 

And you still haven’t replied. But you read it. 

And the fact that you’ve read the message but decided not to reply makes Anakin feel so incredibly foolish. What was he thinking? What was he expecting from you? More meaningless flirting? 

Except now it’s not meaningless for him. He’s not sure if it was ever meaningless. But now that he knows who the woman behind HoneySuckle is, it’s completely different. You have a name— which he had to look up in employment records because he’s convinced he actually blacked out when you introduced yourself. You have passions and interests, favorite snacks, and a go-to karaoke song. He wants to know it all. 

And even though he’s going to see you tomorrow, he couldn’t resist the urge to message you on OnlyFans. But since you’ve opted not to reply to him, he’s now wallowing like a teenage boy. 

Ridiculous. He’s better than this, goddamnit! 

Finally deciding to stop staring at his phone, Anakin strips down to take a shower. It’s hard for him not to feel disappointed when he looks at himself in the mirror. Arguably, he’s still in great shape. He lifts weights at the gym at least twice a week, sometimes three if he has the time. He doesn’t have a beer belly, which he considers an accomplishment at his age. But he does have some extra fat around his love handles. He has sun spots on his shoulders from the countless pool days when the twins were younger. And then there are the undeniable lines around his eyes, which are incredibly prominent when he smiles. 

Anakin has never felt particularly insecure about his image before. He’s accepted that his body is not the same 20 year old body it once was. But there’s a new nagging insecurity in the back of his mind.

Is it good enough for you? 

Anakin turns on the water in the shower, needing to wash away all delusions of you and him ever getting together. As soon as he steps one foot on the tile, his phone buzzes. He grabs his phone off of the counter and his heart rate immediately ticks up. 

Hi Sky, I’m sorry for the delay. I had a friend over. Here’s a special little something for you ;) 

Attached is a picture of you on your bed, sitting on your heels with the thin straps of your panties pulled over your hips. You’re lifting an oversized t-shirt above your breasts, which also expertly hides your face. Right. Because you don’t know that he knows who you are. 

Still, the picture was worth the wait. It’s almost embarrassing the way his cock is already standing upright, the tip pressing against his lower abdomen. He focuses on your hard nipples, picturing himself enclosing his mouth around one of your mounds. He’s rolling his tongue over your bud while massaging your other breast. Your hands are in his hair and you’re anything but silent. You’re moaning his name, begging for more, whining for him to put his cock inside of you. 

Anakin is too preoccupied to even reply to you. He gets himself under the steady stream of hot water and grabs the base of his length. Now he’s picturing you on top of him, tits bouncing in his face while you fuck yourself on his cock. 

“Mmm, yes! Anakin, please. Feels so good.” 

Your hands are pressed against his strong chest for support. He loves you like this— in control but still pathetically needy for his dick. “How much do you love it?” he asks. “Tell me how much you love this cock inside of you.” 

You throw your head back when he slaps both of your ass cheeks. He grabs onto your flesh firmly and your cunt clamps around him while you proclaim it to be the best feeling in the world. “I love it so much, Ani. Nobody's cock feels as good as yours.” 

“Damn right,” Anakin grits. He holds your chin with a strong hand, forcing you to look at him. “This pussy is mine. You understand that?” 

“Yes, sir,” you moan as Anakin bucks his hips up, hitting deep inside of you. “Only yours.” 

“Yes, sir,” huh? That’s a new kink unlocked. Anakin presses a palm on the shower wall to steady himself as he cums. It’s anything from pretty. It happens suddenly and quickly, thanks to the vivid images he was creating in his mind. He bites down on his bottom lip to keep from moaning too loudly. But your name is rolling off of his tongue effortlessly. As if it’s always been in the recesses of his mind, just waiting to be said intimately and passionately. 

He tries to list off the hundreds of reasons why he should never utter your name in a less than professional manner while shampooing his hair. 

You’re his assistant.

You’re significantly younger than him. 

The power imbalance (see 1 and 2). 

That’s all he can come up with for now and it’s enough. Nothing good will come out of pining for you and fantasizing about you. It still doesn’t stop him from messaging you back after he gets out of the shower and settles in bed. 

Now I feel guilty for not responding sooner. Thank you for the spectacular photo. It is unfortunate that I had to take matters into my own, ahem, hands. I would have much preferred to have your help. 

You flatter me, Sky. Do I really get you that worked up? 

Impossibly so. 

When you said you thought about me at work… What exactly did you mean? 

To be perfectly blunt, you were bent over a desk with your skirt pushed over your ass. I was fucking you well and hard, with my name being the only thing falling from your pretty lips. 

Anakin lets out a heavy sigh and pinches the bridge of his nose. Why does he keep putting himself in situations that result in an erection? He just needs to have a good fuck. Get it out of his system. Yeah, that’s what he’ll do. But under no circumstances will it be with you. 

I think I’d like that very much. 

Goddamnit. Anakin needs to stop while he’s ahead. While he’s not succumbing to jerking off for a second time tonight. This was a disastrous idea. Because now when he sees you at work tomorrow, he’s going to think about how you would like for him to fuck you over your desk. Except you don’t actually know that it’s him who wants to fuck you over your desk. 

Maybe in another life. 

Anakin leaves it at that. He puts his phone on do not disturb and attempts to get some reading in before going to sleep. He also prays for G-rated dreams. 

.

.

.

The morning fog of late November in Northern California is still hanging in the air when you get to work at 8 am. Anakin won’t be in until he drops off Luke and Leia which means he should arrive around the same time he did yesterday. It gives you an hour to go through voicemails, reply to emails, and brew a pot of coffee in the breakroom. 

Ben Kenobi arrives shortly after you, sharply dressed in dark blue slacks, caramel leather Oxfords, and a white collared shirt with small polka dots that match the color of his pants. 

“Good morning, Mr. Kenobi,” you greet.  

“Please, call me Ben. No need for formalities around here,” Ben replies. “You’ll soon see we operate very much like a family. There will be shouting and likely some name calling, but it’s all in the name of love for engineering and innovation.” 

“Got it,” you nod. “It’s just that Dorothy always called Mr. Skywalker by, well, Mr. Skywalker. And yesterday he didn’t tell me to call him otherwise.” 

Ben strokes his nicely groomed beard. “Interesting. Well, I suppose you can continue to address him as such until he tells you to call him Anakin. Which I’m sure he’ll do this morning when he gets in. Have you brewed the coffee yet?” 

“Not yet.” you stand. “I wanted to check messages first, but coffee is next on the list.” 

“Excellent.” Ben follows you into the breakroom. “How are you enjoying your time here?” 

“Well, it’s only been a day,” you remind him with a light lilt to your voice. “But it’s been good! Everyone I’ve met is super friendly.” 

Ben leans back against the counter, crossing his ankles and arms over his chest. “And you and Anakin? You two getting along? He’s not giving you too much trouble, is he?” 

You nearly spill the coffee grounds as you bring the spoon up from the container to the machine. “No!” you say a little too loudly. “I mean, no. He’s been very nice. Quiet, but nice.” 

“Anakin? Quiet?” Ben almost laughs. “I’ve never heard that word used to describe Anakin before.” 

“Oh.” you continue scooping grounds into the machine. How many spoonfuls are you supposed to put in? You’ve lost count. Maybe two more for good measure. You’d rather make the coffee too strong than too weak. Nothing is worse than weak coffee. “Maybe I caught him on an off day. He did seem a little weird when he brought me to his house. And then I sort of told him off in the car…” 

This gets Ben away from the counter and walking over to you. “You did what?” 

“Well, I mean, I didn’t tell him off per se. I just asked him to give me a chance. It seemed like he’d already made a decision about me and we’d only known each other for a couple of hours.” 

“Good for you,” Ben replies. “Anakin is headstrong but he can be reasoned with. If the reason is worth being reasoned over.” 

“Am I?” you ask. “Worth being reasoned over?” 

Ben appears to give you a once over and then nods once. “Yes, I’d say so.” 

“Thanks…” you say with uncertainty. Ben takes himself and his briefcase to his office, which is the next door over from Anakin’s. He leaves you alone in the breakroom with a dozen questions. Was Ben assessing your appearance? Surely not for himself. He’s insanely in love with his wife— the mayor. Then who for? Anakin? No. No way. 

The coffee has begun to brew— the nutty notes of Philz Philtered Soul bringing you back to your college days. There’s one in walking distance from campus and you and Sabine spent every finals week there chugging back Mint Mojitos and Mocha Tesoras. 

Those days were not that long ago for you. For Anakin, on the other hand… 

You shake your head, effectively shaking thoughts of Anakin taking any interest in you away. And why would he have an interest in you? He’s bound to have a list of more age-appropriate women he can bring home to his children. 

Stop thinking about it. 

But it’s so damn hard not to. A forbidden office romance with your boss who’s 20 years your senior? Yeah, it’s cliché and sort of sounds like the plot to a porno but it’s sort of fun, too. As long as you keep yourself in check, what’s the harm in pretending like he’s secretly in love with you and wants to take you home? 

.

.

.

When Anakin gets into the office, he doesn’t even greet you before saying, “Call Rose. Tell her to come as soon as possible.” 

So much for him being nice yesterday. Now he won’t even look at you. “Who’s Rose? What- what is the appointment for?” 

“You don’t need to know what it’s for,” Anakin snaps. “Just find Rose in your little phone book, call her, and tell her I need to see her immediately.” 

“Y-yes, sir,” you say while thumbing through the contacts Dorothy left behind for you. Without another word, Anakin goes into his office and slams the door. 

What the hell was that about? That was once again another awkward morning of Anakin slamming his office door after talking to you. You thought you left work on good terms yesterday. What changed? 

.

.

.

Rose Montgomery arrives 47 minutes after you call her. You hear her Louboutins clicking on the floor before you see her. Your eyes trail up from her long legs to her slim waist and perky boobs until you reach her face. Good Lord. She is strikingly beautiful. Her fiery red hair falls in loose curls over her shoulders. As she walks closer to your desk, you are drawn to her perfectly round green eyes. She’s like the real-deal Jolene from Dolly Parton’s hit song. Seriously, did she grow up being called Jolene solely based on her looks? 

“Aw, look at you,” Rose smiles down at you. “You must be the new Dorothy.” 

“I suppose I am.” 

“Aren’t you just the most adorable thing.” 

Uh… What the hell are you supposed to say to that? “I’ll let Mr. Skywalker know you’re here.” 

“No need,” Rose informs. “I’ll let myself in.” She begins to walk away with an extra sway to her hips. You want to hate her but she’s got such an air of confidence that you actually want to be a little more like her. 

“Oh, um, actually I’m not sure about that,” you come out from behind your desk. “He seems to be in a mood so I don’t want you barging in his office to make it worse.” 

Rose turns on her heels and purses her lips. “Actually, sweetheart, I’ve known him longer than you and this isn’t my first ‘appointment’ with him. So if you don’t mind, I’d like to go make his mood a little better.” 

Okay. Now you hate her. With that, Rose leaves you standing outside of Anakin’s office with a dumbfounded look on your face. Is that… is she… a booty call? 

All of the insinuations are there; from the air quotes around “appointment” to the way she said she’ll make Anakin’s mood better. Coupled with her outstanding looks, you’ve decided that Rose Montgomery is a friend with benefits of Anakin Skywalker. You trudge back to your desk and do your absolute best not to think about what’s happening behind your boss’s door. 

.

.

.

At the sound of his door opening, Anakin quickly closes his computer tab and turns off the monitor. He pulls his headphones off of his head and puts them in the drawer. 

Rose is none the wiser as she drops her Birkin bag on the table beside the chaise. “Ugh, who is that child you have sitting behind Dorothy’s desk?” 

“My new assistant,” Anakin answers through a dry throat. Rose sits herself on his lap and drapes her arms over his shoulders. She begins playing with the ends of his curls, which normally, he would enjoy. But he really just wants to get this over with. He draws down the zipper of her black dress while she kisses along his jaw. 

“She seems incompetent,” Rose says between kisses. “What is she? Like, 15?” 

Anakin twirls Rose’s hair around his fist and yanks her face away from his. This makes her gasp with pleasure, and despite his annoyance, he loves the reaction he gets from her. “I didn’t fucking ask you here for your opinion on her. Do not talk about her again. Do you understand?” 

“Yes,” Rose breathes. “Where do you want me?” 

“On your knees.”

.

.

.

When Rose leaves Anakin’s office, you can absolutely tell she and Anakin had sex. Did she even bother looking in the mirror or her phone camera before coming out? She avoids looking in your direction at all costs and knowing how awkward those walks of shame can be after a one night stand, you decide not to watch her walk to the elevator. 

You busy yourself in a filing cabinet until you hear Anakin’s door open again. You tell yourself not to look up because if you look up at him you might actually burst into tears. Which makes absolutely no sense to you but you feel that stinging in your nose and you’re trying to think of the time you got Panini because at least those were happy tears. 

Anakin says your name. 

Damnit. Get it together. You take a deep breath and plaster on a smile. At least he doesn’t look like he just had sex. His hair is combed back the same way it was when he walked in and his clothes are wrinkle free. “Yes, Mr. Skywalker?” 

“Would you like to go get lunch?” 

It’s only 10:45 but of course, he’d be hungry after having sex. “Oh, sure. What can I get you?” 

“I meant me.” 

You furrow your brows together. “Sorry?” 

“I mean us. You and me, together. Fuck,”  Anakin mumbles that last part. It’s like he loses the part of his brain that forms proper sentences when he looks at you. Think back to the car, Anakin. Things weren’t so bad in the car. Wait, yes they were. He told you to tell him if your butt got too toasty. 

You can’t help but smile as you start to see the Anakin who let his guard down in the car. He’s nothing like the Anakin who walked into the office this morning. “You want me to get lunch with you?” 

“Yes. If you would like.” 

You grab your thrifted black leather bag and your coat off of the back of your chair. “I think I’d like that very much.” 

I think I’d like that very much. 

That is the second time you’ve said that to Anakin. 

On the drive to the farm to table restaurant he suggested, he thinks about telling you the truth. That he’s Skyguy81 and you’ve been messaging each other for three years. Oh, and that he’s seen you naked. 

He weighs all of the pros and cons and all of the ways the situation could play out if he tells you. He decides the only way it’s going to end is with you quitting and never wanting to see him again. Telling you who he is is out of the question. 

Your face is buried in the menu, effectively blocking you from looking at Anakin. Your nerves are irritably on fire as you sit knee to knee with your boss. You go out to lunch with someone to talk. To get to know them. But you have no idea what to talk about with him. Either he’s super blunt or incredibly awkward and you don’t know what to make of it. 

Could Sabine be right? Does he have a crush on you? Do men in their forties even get crushes? 

“You are awfully quiet behind there,” Anakin finally says. “Are you hiding from me?” 

You slam your menu down nervously. “What? Oh, no. Just… looking at all of the options.” 

“I’m kidding,” Anakin chuckles. “If it helps, Leia likes the poke rice bowl. Luke likes the flatbread with artichokes. And I normally just get a burger.” 

“Wow, a 9 year old who likes poke? You’ve got some interesting kids.” 

“You have no idea,” Anakin replies bashfully. He really calms down when he talks about his kids. Maybe that’s your key to him. Keep him talking about his kids. 

“Well, I think I’ll try Leia’s favorite. Do your kids enjoy trying different types of food?” 

Anakin gives you a noncommittal shrug. “I suppose so. I didn’t raise them to be picky eaters. They eat what I eat. We had dumplings last night. They’re shit at using chopsticks but it makes for an entertaining meal.” 

You laugh along with him, feeling yourself relax the more you see Anakin relax. “I love dumplings!” 

“Yeah? We’ll have to have you over some time for dumplings, then.” Anakin doesn’t even realize what he’s saying until it’s hanging between you, awaiting your response. 

“That would be nice,” you admit. “I can’t wait to meet them. Of course, you know… if they even want to meet me.” 

“Are you kidding? Luke almost threw a fit over me leaving you in the car yesterday. And Leia… well, Leia gets excited about any new woman in my life. I mean, not that you’re my new woman, just you know, in terms of you being Dorothy’s replacement and-” 

You place your hand over Anakin’s without a second thought. And it’s more than just skin on skin. It’s electric. You resist the urge to pull away because the overwhelming feeling almost keeps you from saying: “It’s fine, Mr. Skywalker. I get what you mean.” 

Anakin is looking down at your hands and you wonder if he feels it too. Or if it’s entirely inappropriate to put your hand on his and he’s going to go back to being standoffish. You remove your hand from his and sit on it. 

“You don’t have to call me that,” Anakin murmurs. “Mr. Skywalker. I would much prefer you to call me Anakin.” 

You look up at him timidly. He’s being sincere. One corner of his lips are quirked up to form a sideways smile and your heart— your stupid, stupid heart adores it.  Perhaps there is harm in pretending like your boss is in love with you. Perhaps keeping yourself in check is going to be a lot more difficult than you thought. Because now that you’re on a first name basis with Anakin Skywalker, you fear simply being his assistant is not going to be enough.

◂ series masterlist ▸ chapter four (coming soon)

[otomiyaa]

Day 4: Upside Down

Loid x Yor | Nim's Lovely Tickletober 

Word Count: 1.1K

No. Not in his wildest dream or nightmares could Loid have imagined a situation like this.

"Y-Yor..." He stared at her in shock. "Why are you... upside down?"

There in the middle of their apartment was his wife, hanging upside down from the ceiling. Yor stared back at him, apparently sharing this sentiment of shock.

"L-Loid-san. Welcome home," she chirped awkwardly.

Loid remembered why she wanted to stay home. She told him she didn't feel well and she totally supported the father-daughter outing he was about to make with Anya. However when they ran into Becky and Loid was literally sent home so Anya could hang out with her super cool and fancy friend instead, Loid thought it wasn't a bad thing after all, and looked forward to surprising Yor who was waiting at home by herself.

But when he arrived, she was hanging there from the ceiling.

At first Loid wondered if someone had broken in and done this to her, but Yor looked rather calm, and as Loid scanned the room quickly, he noted a little box on the table.

"You're back early," Yor said, not really explaining to him yet what she was doing on the ceiling.

"Yes, we ran into Becky so Anya wanted to go with her. Is... Is everything alright, Yor?"

Yor nodded. "I was just eh, testing these new things. On my shoes. I found them, eh... somewhere... at a store...." Yor said, pointing to the little box. Loid took it and studied the label. Wow. These were like, sticking things to put under your shoes so you could walk on the ceiling, like Spider-Man. It seemed like some high-end spionage gadgets which you wouldn't just get anywhere. Strange... Loid hadn't seen them before so he had no idea where she would get those.

"They are sticking a little better than I thought," Yor admitted. "B-but it could be nice if we want eh, to play spy with Anya, o-on the ceiling."

Loid stared at her, then he laughed. "You are full of surprises, Yor. Do you need my help getting down from there?"

Loid stood beside her and offered her his shoulder. "If you hold on to me, you can try to pull free and come down."

"A-ah, yes. Hold on, Loid-san, I'll..." Yor wiggled a little uncomfortably and she grabbed Loid's shoulder and squeezed for balance. Damn, she had an iron grip! Loid stood closer and turned around so she could also use his back if necessary.

"I'm a little stuck it seems," Yor said, holding on to him as she tried to pull her feet free.

"If you can't get down, maybe take off your shoes. If it's just your shoes sticking there, it might be easi-EHH!" Loid was making logical suggestions when Yor lost her balance and flailed before grabbing him again, but her hand landed with her fingers near Loid's underarm, and caused him to let out a sudden cackle.

"Loid-san?"

Loid shook his head. "Yes! That was nothing. Nothing at all. Here, let me help you," Loid chirped, and he reached up to help Yor off the ceiling. However what he didn't expect was for Yor to move both her hands under his arms, and she touched him there experimentally.

"Wohoh!" Loid let out the weirdest little noise as his arms went back down immediately, trapping her hands under there.

"Hehe, are you ticklish here? Reminds me of my brother Yuri. He gets all giggly when I do this," Yor said in a kind voice, and she began to slowly wiggle her fingers.

Loid's life was definitely far from normal, but this... This was just way too absurd! Here he was, with his wife dangling from the ceiling while she tickled him, of all things!

"Yohohor! Hah-wait, I cahahan't hehelp you lihihike this!" Loid jumped up and down and made funny dances. He didn't want to move away too fast since Yor's hands were practically buried into his armpits now where she tickled him playfully, and he didn't want to surprise her with a sudden movement that could cause her to lose balance.

"That's really interesting, Loid-san! I didn't imagine you to be the ticklish type," Yor said as she giggled sweetly. Her thumbs dug in softly and Loid let out loud barky laughs.

"Yooor! Ahahalright! Ihihit tickleehes! Now stohohop!"

"I know it does. And I think this might tickle too," Yor said playfully, and to Loid's surprise she removed one hand from his armpit and wiggled her nails softly against his neck.

Loid felt goosebumps immediately spawn all over his body and he let out the oddest unmanly and most humiliating shriek.

"AHEHH! Not thehehere!" He tried to really move away from her now, but Yor wrapped one arm around his neck and used her other hand to tickle the sensitive skin there, scribbling from his ear up and down his neck and making him giggle like a woman.

"Plehehease Yohohor- gahahah! Not thehehere!" His neck? This awfully ticklish? Loid never knew, but he did now. And he was afraid of it. This was some very dark and secret information that should be buried, to never be found again!

"Yor ahaha I cahahan't-Ahh!" Loid jerked heavily when Yor scribbled all over his ear as well, and without meaning to, he jumped away so fast that Yor, with her arm still around his neck, was pulled a long.

"Hoh!" Loid, all blushy and breathless, was quick enough to catch her when she came down, and with both her arms around his neck this time, she clung onto him.

"P-phew! I'm sorry, I got carried away!" she apologized, but Loid was still in shock. He stared at Yor, and at her socked feet, and then he gazed up at her shoes that were still sticking to the ceiling.

"It does really stick well," Loid said dryly. He was still dying inside from what happened just now. His neck and underarms were still tingling, but Yor was now safe and sound back on the floor, and she smiled beautifully.

"I'm really sorry. Do you forgive me?" she asked. Whether that was for tickling him or for getting lost on the ceiling, he wasn't sure, but Loid smiled back and nodded.

"O-of course, Yor. Shall we eh, get some tea? We're home alone now, let's find something to do until Anya comes home," he said awkwardly, and he quickly walked away, blushing like crazy.

"Yes!" Yor said, and she followed him while her shoes were still left on the ceiling. Right, they would get those some other time...

[lovelynim]

Language!

Genshin Impact - Itto x Gorou

A/N: This is a little birthday gift I made for a very dear friend of mine, but I thought it wouldn't hurt to share it with you guys as well, heheh.

And, in case you're reading this, ms. valerie, I wish you a happy birthday!!

Love you, girlie, mwah!

Summary: Itto never heard Gorou swearing before, so maybe it's time to teach the general one or two new words...

Word count: 1781 words

Warnings: Swearing.

“You want me to what?” Gorou sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tried to make some sense out of what he just heard. 

Itto smiled, still standing proudly in front of the general. “Say ‘fuck off’ and I’ll leave you alone. That’s easy, no?” The oni eagerly repeated himself, his eyes beaming with excitement while he waited for Gorou to say the word.

“I already told you to, yet you are still here.”

“No, you didn’t,” Itto chuckled matter-of-factly, clicking his lips while he wagged his index finger in front of Gorou’s face, “you said ‘get lost’.”

Gorou crossed his arms, running out of patience for Itto’s shenanigans. “Same thing.”

“Of course not, pup, you didn’t cuss,” Itto insisted, grinning as it seemed to piss Gorou off even more. Maybe, Itto thought, if he teased the general a little more, he would get him to actually swear. “That is, unless you want to have the great me by your side for a while longer,” Itto leaned forward to have his eyes at the same level as Gorou’s.

“I already told you I have work to do. I can’t waste time like th-”

“Then say it already, pup, you’re the one making things difficult,” Itto chuckled, making sure he wasn’t leaving any room for Gorou to sneak past him and get through the door behind him. “What’s so hard about it, anyway?”

“There is nothing hard about it, Itto,” Gorou muttered, trying to keep his focus on his ultimate goal - leave the bedroom - and not get distracted or baited by Itto’s doings. “Now get lost, please?”

Itto groaned loudly, straightening his posture and finishing the act with a dramatic facepalm. “How did it become even worse?! Ugh, why did you even say ‘please’, pup?!”

“T-to get you out of my way?! Why are you so obsessed with me saying bad words?” The general pouted, his tail curling behind his legs while he averted his gaze. Itto’s reactions were starting to get to him, but not in the way the oni expected - Gorou was starting to get embarrassed.

“Because you never do it!”

Gorou widened his eyes - not in disbelief or shock, but in confusion. The general tilted his head, arching an eyebrow. “What?”

“You never cuss!” Itto frowned, “You’re always getting all the perfect situations to tell someone to fuck off or to eat shit and you never do!”

Gorou’s jaw dropped slightly and, if Itto's explanation did anything, it was arousing more questions and got him even more confused. Gorou shook his head, refusing to give such absurdity the least credit.

“You’re kidding me, right?”

“Of course not! Even when it’s just the two of us! You always say ‘let’s make love’ and never ‘Itto, fu-”

“Enough!” Gorou rushed forward, quickly reaching for Itto’s mouth and covering it with his hands. If he was starting to get embarrassed before at the beginning of this conversion, he was totally flustered by now. “I-I get it, you can stop now…”

“Hmm,” Itto hummed, narrowing his eyes before wrapping his fingers around Gorou’s wrists, pulling his face away from the general’s hands. “Will you do it then? Can you say at least ‘fuck’? Just once? It can be a tiny one, an itsy bitsy tiny on-”

“Itto!” Gorou whined, fruitlessly trying to pull his arms back as Itto kept holding his wrists. “E-enough with that, let me go.” He insisted, trying to speak as firmly as possible, not breaking eye contact with his partner this time.

However, instead of complying with Gorou’s requests, all Itto did was to shake his head and sigh. “Guess I will have to do it another way, pup,” he mumbled, almost as if lamenting the fact that he had to come to this.

“What do you me-ahh!! I-Itto! Put me down!!” 

“No can do, pup,” Itto chuckled as he effortlessly swiped Gorou off his feet and took him over his shoulder, carrying him back inside his bedroom. “I mean, unless you-”

“I said ‘no’!” Gorou grunted, banging his fists against Itto’s back as he tried to break free. “L-let me go, you ruffian!”

“Damn it, pup, just call me ‘fucker’ or something like that…” Itto shook his head in disapproval before stopping walking. “Here we are,” he said with a grin on his face before gently pulling Gorou down, laying the general on top of his bed, “last chance, pup, are you sure you don’t want to do it?”

Gorou could only look up to his huge boyfriend, the fact that Itto was straddling his waist made him look even taller than he was. Gorou gulped, his hands clenching at the bedsheets. “...yes, I���m sure of it.”

“Got it,” Itto smirked, holding his hands out in front of his chest, wiggling his fingers just to give Gorou a hint of what was about to happen. When the general opened his mouth to protest, it was already too late. 

Itto was a strong man - a strong oni, for that matter. No one could deny the sheer amount of raw strength he had and Gorou already experienced it one too many times before in a lot of different situations. But Itto always made sure to never use his strength when it came to tickling his favorite dog general. Of course, keeping Gorou inside his grip was something else entirely, after all, it was just convenient to have his limbs pulled away and restrained with just one hand. But the hand doing the actual work would always be gentle. Awfully gentle.

“I-Itto- hgh!! S-stohohop it…” Gorou could already feel the corner of his lips threatening to curl up into an adorable smile. Itto was just tracing shapes against his bare sides and Gorou was already losing it. 

Gorou tried to reach for Itto’s hands, pry them off his sides, but those evil, sharp nails continued to gently stroke his sides, his tummy, his hips. One after the other, over and over. Gorou gritted his teeth, scrunching up his shoulders and pressing his eyes shut, anything to make it more bearable. “P-plehehease… Stop- agh, it!”

“Heh, what did you say, pup? I couldn’t quite hear it,” Itto said, his hands following Gorou’s stomach all around no matter how much he squirmed. The oni smirked, watching the general try to suck his stomach in whenever he circled his navel. “You should give up while I’m being nice.”

“I- hahh… Itto, p-plehease!” Gorou gasped, feeling the giggles stuck at the back of his throat. He curled his toes and kicked his feet, trying to shake Itto off his lap, but the oni was like an unmovable boulder sitting on top of him.

“So stubborn, pup, where did you even learn to act like that?” Itto clicked his lips, stopping the tickling to quickly reach for Gorou’s hands. “Time for phase 2, then.”

“W-wait, no!” Gorou widened his eyes, shaking his head left and right as Itto pushed his hands up, pinning his wrists above his head. “Itto, that’s not fahahair- ahaha, nohoh!!”

“Come ooon, you’re making me do this!” Itto teased, managing to wiggle his fingers against both Gorou’s underarm and rib at the same time. Despite the few bits of armor around his chest, Gorou’s choice of fashion didn’t do much to protect those spots from Itto. Maybe it was time to reconsider his outfit…

“AhahAHa, I-Itto! Enohohough!! EHehe!” With giggles pouring from his lips one after the other, Gorou continued to plead, threaten and argue with his partner, hoping that any of those attempts would actually get him free.

Yet, if there was someone more stubborn than Gorou, that someone was Itto. “Nah, not feeling like it, pup,” Itto beamed, listening to his general’s bright laughter as he tickled that outstretched underarm. “But I have to admit I underestimated you… you’re harder to crack than I expected.”

“T-then-” Gorou wheezed when Itto finally lifted his hand, giving him a short break, “l-let go, Itto…”

Itto felt an arrow pierce his heart when Gorou looked up to him. Cute, gentle and pleading eyes stared right at him, making him feel like the most evil oni in all Teyvat for messing with Gorou like that.

No, Itto! He told himself inside his mind, shaking his head, focus! He needed to do something to avoid looking at Gorou’s face and-

Oh.

“Itto, I really need to go and- h-huh? Wait, what are yo- AGH! N-nohoh!!”

The general arched his back, planting his heels against the mattress when Itto gently pinched the tip of his ear with his free hand. As if that alone was not enough to send the most delicious awful shivers down Gorou’s spine, Itto started to gently blow air against the inside of Gorou’s ear.

“Itto, staha- hnngh!! T-thahat’s aahahawful!” Gorou protested, trying to move his head away as much as he could, but all to no avail. His face contorted in a funny way, the air stream of air giving him a weird, fuzzy feeling. It felt good, but also pretty tickly for something like that.

But Gorou couldn’t give it much thought. Before he could think of something, Itto blew against his ear again, again and again. The sensation was messing up with Gorou’s thoughts, even making him panic a little.

That damned oni…

“O-okahahy! AhAHa, Itto- ugh, f-fucking stop!” Gorou hissed through choked giggles and, just like magic, Itto stopped.

Taking a second to open his eyes, Gorou was met with the oni’s proud gaze upon him - as if he achieved something great. “You did, pup!! See? I told you, you can cuss!”

The general could feel a strong heat spreading over his face, tainting his cheeks with a bright shade of red. “T-that’s- that’s ridiculous!” Gorou grunted, pushing Itto’s hands away from him as soon as the oni released his own. “I-”

“Heheh, you said a bad word,” Itto teased, poking his stomach, “you said ‘fuck’, you said ‘fuck’ ~” He sing-songed, beaming as a kid.

“W-whatever, get off now. I need to go work,” Gorou rolled his eyes, cringing at the idea that he actually said something like that. So improper, so uneducated…

As Itto slid off his lap, Gorou could finally head out the bedroom. On his way out, all he could think was what kind of excuse he would give to justify his delay. He couldn’t possibly say that Itto was keeping him from work because he wanted to hear him swearing, could he?

“Hey, pup,” Itto’s voice broke in from behind. Gorou turned, noticing how the oni was watching him leave, “you’re fucking awesome, heh.”

Gorou rolled his eyes. How could he have fallen for such an insufferable man?

“Sigh, you too, Itto.”

[oshinohoshi]

Oshi no Ko - In defense of Ai's "lies"

Warning: Manga spoilers below.

This post is a reaction to people occasionally saying, "Maybe Ai was the real villain all along" or "But Ai lies" as evidence of her character being sucky. And just... come on. I know, dear reader, that you understand how silly that is but I'm gonna spell it out anyway.

I always want to say in response: "Who did Ai hurt with her lies?" There is one character you may be thinking of and I'll get to that, but the person she hurt the most was herself. Because she told herself nonsense about how she was an irresponsible, dirty liar.

This breaks my fragile heart because this, right here, is the lie. Her negative self-talk stemming from a childhood filled with abuse and loneliness framed her issues with understanding love as if it were her fault and not, I dunno, the woman who fed her glass (see 45510) and abandoned her.

What were Ai's lies? Should they even be classified as such? Let's break it down:

She hid her kids. I would hardly call this a lie so much as a totally normal boundary for a celebrity with a public and private life. It only mattered because of the absurd standards for idols. It was more of a lie by omission anyway, but if someone asked her point blank if she had kids (maybe after one too many times nearly mentioning her kids lol) it would be perfectly acceptable to say no.

She put on a happy face at all times, hiding her emotions. This primarily hurt herself because it increased her social isolation and caused the girls in B Komachi to view her as untouchable and inhuman. Nino wouldn't have been so hurt by their fight if Ai better knew how to express herself, or maybe even if she had shown that she cared by yelling back, but that's a lot to expect from someone with Ai's background and lack of experience with relationships.

There's also Ai's neurodivergence. I don't want to speculate too much about that as I am not hugely familiar with the topic besides what I've learned by googling, but it can cause difficulty with social situations and expressing emotions. Sounds pretty familiar.

We are told in ch 137: "She could neither love nor trust people. She was timid and sensitive. She got hurt after being at odds with her friends. She really was an ordinary girl you could find anywhere. That's why she lied. A big lie that concealed her weak self completely."

Another description for this is a defense mechanism. Ai was not raised in an environment where vulnerability was met with reassurances. Moreover, as an idol it was hammered into her that she needed to hide anything about herself that could be deemed as negative or ugly. Anything that made her human. Ichigo told her at age 12 to lie until she understood love. She was set up from the get go to consider herself nothing but a liar.

She lied to Hikaru when she said, "I can't love you." This is actually not a big lie so much as the most negative take on her emotions. She wasn't sure she could love him but she wanted to. The real untruth is the way she flippantly strolled out the door as if she didn't care about him. But that doesn't make her a villain and her reasons are obvious given everything told to us about her in ch 137 and her avoidant tendencies she used as a shield to protect herself. She handled the breakup with all the grace of an elephant wearing ice skates but I'm not about to blame her for it.

She lied about love. I saved the big one for last. The thing her characterization hinges on. But it was hardly a lie at all. Not only because she actually did love her kids or that she was trying so hard to love which was its own form of love ("lies are love"), but because the idea of having to love her fans in a personal manner that goes beyond appreciation is actually ridiculous.

Nobody expects an office worker to love their clients or someone working at Starbucks to love their customers. But as an idol she was marketed as a perfect, pure girl, someone men could project their fantasies onto and who was supposed to genuinely love each and every one of them in return. It's nonsense. Ai was certainly not the only idol failing to live up to this. She just took it incredibly hard because she felt her lack of understanding of love was a personal failing.

We are told that Ai was a liar but she was honest as often as she hid the truth. She asked Gotanda to film the real her after he called her out about putting on an act. She was candid in the fan Q&A in 45110. In Viewpoint B she wrote a song that expressed her genuine feelings. She adored her kids so much that she slipped up and nearly talked about them on camera. Ai wanted to share how they had impacted her life but couldn't except through veiled statements. She was completely honest with Ryosuke, treating the moment as if she was in a confessional detailing her sins.

None of this is to say Ai was perfect. We're bonked over the head with the fact that Ai was a regular person who could get angry, who was too timid to push herself to connect with her fellow members of B Komachi, who undoubtedly did and said things that did not reflect her best self just as we all do. But I don't think liar is her defining trait. It's probably not even in her top five. I would describe her as sensitive, loving, mischievous, playful, and intelligent (she could be airheaded but she was incredibly savvy about her image) before I'd call her a liar.

There is no Real Villain Ai. And I can't tell you how glad I am that the theory some people held about her forcing sex on Hikaru was thoroughly debunked. Right up there with people speculating that Crow Girl is actually reincarnated Ai. That just made me laugh. The last thing reincarnated Ai would do is jerk her kids around.

We're told Ai was a liar because that's how she viewed herself. It's not an objective fact or at least not a fact that trumps everything else about her. So the next time someone says "Ai was a liar" my response would be "OK. So what?"

[dumbass-duo-showdown]

DUMBASS DUO SHOWDOWN ROUND 3 BATTLE 2

JOSUKE HIGASHIKATA & OKUYASU NIJIMURA (JOSUYASU) FROM JOJO'S BIZARRE ADVENTURE VS SOKKA AND AANG FROM AVATAR: THE LAST AIRBENDER

PROPAGANDA

JOSUYASU

JOSUYASU PROPAGANDA

Josuke is fairly decent, but okuyasu, you know how in math, if you multiply a negative number with a positive one it is always negative, that is josuyasu for you. Josuke has 6 braincells and Okuyasu has -6734. Their first meeting was okuyasu trying to kill josuke, then he shows up at his house a few days later and goes "hey lets go to school! btw your mom is hot!" Josuke punches a plate of spaghetti because he thinks the chef is evil, they both fight a middle schooler who stole their cash. Okuyasu got the third most op ability in his part but he is too stupid (and kind) to realize it. Somehow they survive their entire part. They are thus far the second jojo and jobro duo to not lose each other. the second one? THEM IN AN ALTERNATIVE UNIVERSE! (okay but okuyasu is swapped for koichi in that one, but still).

Josuke normally is pretty smart, but somewhat silly, but Okuyasu. Isn’t incredibly bright but he’s the best jojo character idc. Okuyasu brings out josukes stupid and then they are just besties and totally bouncing off each other’s stupid ideas. Idk what Okuyasu does to josukes brain but I’m here for it

I saw the post title and without reading anything else immediately went to submit them, only to go back and read the full post and realize they were included by default. They are THE dumbass duo. Ever. The worst protagonists for a detective story, but they dumbassed around so hard they somehow caught a genius serial killer. No matter who wins, they’ll always be the number 1 dumbasses in my heart.

they are the best of friends, which of course means they met by trying to kill each other.

They’re both so stupid. Like josuke isn’t that stupid on his own but he’s kinda dumb and when you put him with dumbass incarnate okuyasu they multiply each others’ stupidness. Together they are a menace.

JOSUKE AND OKUYASU FOR THE WIN BECAUSE THEY SPEND AN ENTIRE DAY TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHETHER OR NOT A RANDOM ITALIAN WAS EVIL BECAUSE HIS PASTA WAS TOO GOOD

Okuyasu and Josuke share a braincell and they lose that braincell at least 5 times a day

The majority of Diamond is Unbreakable is those two getting themselves and their friends into absurd situations. There's no way the sportsboys can compete with discovering aliens are (maybe???) real and immediately trying to use the alien(??) to cheat at dice. Then they burned down someone's house

#josuyasu are DUmbass Incorporated and i love them#its literally canon that okuyasu has one of The Most Powerful Abilities In The Entire JJBA Universe#but is too dumb and good natured to put it to world ending use

this gif

GIF by hellzfire

Aang & Sokka

They are both very intelligent individually, but when put together they lose all of their braincells

they are very intelligent in their own right but loose all their braincells together

independently they are very intelligent and creative. aang is an incredible diplomat and quick on his feet. sokka is a literal inventor and war strategist. leave them alone in a room together and they get so into the bit that they end up giving each other minor head injuries or write a fake letter that they sign with a blind girl's name. they also attempt to sneak a lemur into a royal banquet under aang's hat.

[millionmaggots]

RGG Show was Mid, + a Tangent About Goro Majima

Ok, yeah, I'm glad I didnt get my hopes up, bc WOWIE the amazon prime RGG show is Not Good.

I wanted to like it, but in 100% full sincerity, i would recommend that you watch the unhinged 2005 movie over this.

The games beautifully mix genuinely serious story beats / subject matter with completely absurd moments of levity. This contrast allows you to see the silly and charming sides of the characters, making the story especially engaging precisely because those moments of happiness contrast so sharply with the characters' hard lives. Seeing what they could have makes it hit so much harder when they're put through the wringer.

Kiryu will go through the most gut-wrenching tragedy, then immediately after, you'll do a side quest about helping people find their lost items or something. Ultimately, the series is about humanity, and flawed people in horrible situations doing what little good they can.

The 2005 movie is ridiculous and borderline incomprehensible, but it still captures that mix of tragedy and farce. It's weird, it's campy, it's horny, and it makes little to no sense - It's fun.

I can't say the same about the new Prime series. It lacks the charm and silly antics that separate RGG from any other crime drama, and that self-serious nature just sucks all the appeal out of it.

I'm not upset that it isn't totally loyal to game canon - in fact, one of my main hopes was that it would reconcile Majima's super inconsistent characterization in Kiwami 1.

Him kidnapping Haruka just to get to Kiryu, holding a woman at knifepoint, etc., was all written for the original game in 2005 when he was meant to be a wildcard minor antagonist/villain.

The Majima Everywhere mechanic was added in the remake in 2016 after gradually becoming a much more complex and likeable character in 11 years worth of subsequent games after the original game's release.

However, the added content more in line with his later characterization was tacked on to the original iteration of him with little consideration for consistency, making him feel like one of two different people, depending on the scene.

With the show having the benefit of hindsight, I really hoped they would do something interesting with him, and balance out the genuinely detestable things he does with the silly amicable rivalry he has with Kiryu.

The story of the first game is mostly about Kiryu, Nishiki, and Yumi, but the marketing made a point to say it was (however loosely) adapting Kiwami 1. While I understand not wanting to advertise a brand new show with 2005 PS2 era graphics, I feel like that implied that it would reflect the minor narrative/framing changes and increased prominence of Majima, just as it does with Nishiki from the original game to Kiwami.

Essentially, I wasn't too excited about this series, but I had some hope because they had an opportunity to clean up the story and retell it without the limitations of being a remaster of an old game and following an eleven year old script almost word for word.

Instead, they told a gritty and joyless version of the same story without taking advantage of the freedom to rework a flawed but enjoyable story/script, and in doing so, lost its grip on the central theme of the series.

[hcfiles]

Once in a while, someone asks me to prove my thoughts about this shenanigan (The ones believing in this circus are a minority). Aren't the last four years enough proof? From day one, this circus was seen for what it was and the efforts done to try to prove the fake was real, in my opinion, was the main confession that it was only staged circus:

a) The insistence in continuing staging the plot.

b) The unscrupulous and amateur strategies resulting in a bigger disaster.

c) The obvious and immoral move of motivating hate on the internet to crack the fandom so they would go against each other - intentionally having two possible reasons:

- a fuss to call attention to herself by repeating what she did on the MTV show and have the attention she wanted (what could have been an intention he didn't know of, catching him by surprise),

- a move to "neutralize" the bad publicity he was having by putting fans against each other to deviate attention and justify the mess as toxic fans' reaction, instead of assuming it was a result of a massive management disaster.

d) The obvious way he was suffering, while she was pleased taking advantage of the situation and how he looked uncomfortable on several public occasions by her side - totally unnatural and against the idea of the couple "happy in love and in life" - before surrendering to the plot and having pleasure with it.

e) The lack of a single natural picture showing both together in natural moments - What it seemed is that he refused to take more pictures with her after the only ones they apparently had together - the one in front of the house (which seemed manipulated) and the one at the woods (used in one of his posts saying she would have gotten injured).

f) The obvious and APPARENT control loss he had of his IG page - Was it a loss or he surrendered and allowed it?

g) The use of the dogs to mock and tease the fandom so as to promote the fake plot and hate on the internet.

The entire time this plot screamed fake all over and indicated a gigantic and absurd management mistake. But, if the goal was to promote her image and name, they might have taken advantage of those mistakes. That's what it seems. It surprises me, taking into consideration how he had always been successful promoting his image, despite having troubles with PR stunts before, specifically with the women chosen. But, nothing had been that messy before.

The precedents in this area indicated that it was a matter of time until they screwed big time. How do they make that selection? Is it ordered by a production company? Or is the actor' s choice by being vain? Does the woman in question pay to be the next on the list? It doesn't matter. It's escorting, a fancy and glamorous pros*******n activity serving the brothel called Hollywood.

Some actors are completely against it. Others do it, but not that much as Henry did during his professional life. He made it a parallel business going through so many PR stunts he got sloppy. My God! Any dude can see this is management damage. You don't have to be a professional in the area of PRs to see that his team did him a major disservice. The question is: Why? What the f**k happened?

Apparently, they weren't expecting this woman to have such negative feedback. But, didn't they check her background? Possible is that some who know her from her past, the ones she once bullied and humiliated at the time, came to hunt her. Well, being a fake show or not, she exposed and humiliated people on National TV, while bragging to be a rich brat and now, she had what she deserved - Karma!

And he, indirectly, paid for that, because he accepted going on a PR with a woman of a promiscuous and disgusting past. Didn't he know about his brilliant love and Godsent's past? How is that possible? How could he even suppose that announcing a date with such a figure would be good for his image? Being a private person and, if in a real relationship with this woman, wouldn't it be better if he kept it far from the spotlight?

Oh! But it was necessary to be exposed. Why? Isn't he private and that, his private life? So, I'm sorry! This "romance" is not real life. It's a PR terribly managed. But, that's not the worst. The worst is what came later: a fake plot including a pregnancy followed by a paternity. Getting out of a terrible PR plot is easy by announcing a breakup. But, getting out of a plot in which they use a fake baby belly and fakes a paternity?

It's a professional suicide and there's no way he can turn it back. So, I am curious to see how he's gonna get out of this mess after going that far to compromise his integrity and credibility.

[ladyluscinia]

Ok. Ok. Time to put my thoughts in order about S2 and we're starting at literally the first scene because whoo boy is there a lot going on that I like.

So. Stede's Fantasy Pirate Rescue aka this show having no illusions about Stede's fuck ups and where the story-driving conflict is coming from (*cough* Stede and Edward themselves *cough*)

It opens with what frankly a concerning amount of fandom seemed to view as the solution to all the problems of S1 - namely a Stede vs Izzy swordfight. Stede is really going all in on his dashing pirate hero fantasy. He has the beard. The sword skills. He gets his sword knocked out of his hand (again) but this time it ends on a witty one liner and stabbing Izzy with a concealed knife before artfully claiming his cutlass. He even dramatically kills him! And, villain defeated, there's Ed running through the surf to embrace him! Everything is perfect and wonderful and conflict free - and it all collapses back into reality with Wee John literally farting all over it.

Pete even openly mocks his moaning "Ed, Ed" in his sleep!

Because it's a fantasy! A ridiculous one at that! And the truly fantastical bit isn't even the reunion, or Stede's heroics. No... The part that's absurd, that even Stede can't make himself believe in his own subconscious mind, is that there's a convenient external villain to all of this and he and Ed can just pick back up where they left off.

Fantasy!Izzy and Fantasy!Ed are basically barbie dolls in this dream, but you can watch Stede's awareness that this is truly just a comforting fantasy slipping through.

Fantasy!Izzy gets cast as the villain because why wouldn't he? Stede has disliked him going back to that conversation at Spanish Jackie's where he basically offloaded a bunch of his own issues on this random pirate guy for having bad vibes, Izzy did betray him specifically to the Navy, and the last thing his crew would have been able to tell him about was Izzy ordering his stuff tossed and rowing them to an island (on Blackbeard's orders, but that's easy enough for Stede to ignore). He's even got him putting on a villain voice!

But the line. The only fantasy character line in this entire dream that connects with the situation in reality instead of sounding like stock NPC responses. Stede defeats his villain and The Villain / Fantasy!Izzy / Stede's subconscious looks up from his knees and reminds him:

"I never made you leave him. You did that yourself."

And Stede kills him for saying it! Goes back to the comforting script where he demands to know where Ed is and Izzy calls him a twat! Shut up, subconscious, Stede needs to rescue his damsel!

And his damsel barbie doll is so happy to see him! Fantasy!Edward's lines are the most disconnected, NPC babble. It's hilarious 🤣

Fantasy!Ed: "I knew you'd find me, babe"

Stede: "You're not mad?"

Fantasy!Ed: "I knew you'd find me, love"

Stede: "So we're good? About everything?"

Fantasy!Ed: "Fucking love the beard, mate".

Can I mention how much I love the repetition there? Zero engagement in the conversation, totally amps up the NPC vibe.

Stede is begging his own dream to reassure him that he didn't hurt Ed that bad, to tell him Ed will be so happy to see him it will fix everything, and he doesn't get what he's looking for. Because it's not true. The show in fact laughs in the face of that interpretation. Stede's making up a idealized "fix" (being a dashing hero) for the BlackBonnet relationship, and even Stede knows it's bullshit.

Edward and Stede's relationship issues and personal struggles have a bodycount this season (R.I.P. Ivan 😭) and it's immensely satisfying that so far no one is inclined to pull their punches on this fact or foist the blame elsewhere.

Not even Stede's subconscious!

[crying-fantasies]

Rejection

"You have them on?"

"I do, I swear I have them, I just need to get this off-"

"Look me in the optics when you say that, you won't touch anything if your little freaky organic servos-!"

"I do, I do! Just, please, stop moving like that!", pleas are laced with desperation and righteous fury, one he wants to shred from your little mouth, but there is this tremor on his open armor that goes from helm to pedes when your little fingers wrapped in synthetic gloves roam on his bare protoform to take out shattered bullets, the sensation is ripping him apart between launching you out of the window and away from him or just stay still as Sideswipe looks at you both while grinning like a complete fragger or, worse, stay still and shut up before Ratchet finally snaps that wrench on his servo against his helm.

Mech, please no is what his new conscience pleads too and so he has to follow, be stiff and feel how your fingers move, shaking, finally being fast and sharp when Ratchet says your name like a stern mentor and pulling sharp fragments with the help of a little steel gadget.

He can't think of it, being totally honest it would be more like he isn't the one thinking of it but his brother, who looks with barely contained interest how you work, it's embarrassing how Sideswipe doesn't even try to cover the interest he has for you over Sunstreaker's open arm and moving like a new medic and is also dragging him in feeling the same, it's worse than his brother, since he can feel your absurd weight over him like a constant pang on the back of his processor, it's degrading, since Ratchet seem to know what is going on and can only look more tired than he already is and Sunstreaker's situation is getting worse because the last he needs is to have Ratchet asking what is going on!

But for Sideswipe things were getting back to normal, somehow.

"Hey there, Sunny! Here comes our team's best player!", Sideswipe has taken to hold you as if you were some kind of small animal or a stuffed one before letting you rest next to Sunstreaker, who frowned at you with all the fury on his massive body before directing it to his brother.

"Sides, I swear-"

"No, no, doc's order", he put you nearer to the yellow bot with a grin so wide, you wanted to throw your shoe to him, Ratchet isn't anywhere in sight but his mere name is the only thing keeping the brothers from destroying each other, "you shouldn't move, so our favorite human is here to help you rise to health again".

"Which piece of scrap metal said that?", When he gets better he will rip their arms from their frames.

"I don't know, everyone?", and obviously Sideswipe gets to ridicule him even more while pushing you nearer to his side.

You wanted to hide and escape, Sunstreaker wanted to punch his brother in the face.

But repetition makes everything fall to some routine, you're ready with your backpack full of books, homework and your reliable laptop when Sideswipe comes to pick you up and back to Sunstreaker resting body, the fear has lessened but is still very much alive, for now your best choice to avoid touching him directly is using blankets, but Sunstreaker is a high-end bot and your wallet is still bleeding from purchasing an obnoxious yellow cashmere blanket and another one of vicuna, which is made from an animal in verge of extinction just to know how expensive that one was too, that has taken most of your savings only to please him, he didn't even say thanks, just looked at it once before giving his approval with a nod, he didn't even talk or looked at you, always treating you like a nuisance he tolerated to please Sideswipe.

Before you should've looked at Sideswipe for help, but he beamed when you dragged the expensive and eye hurting piece of fabric on a big and equally eye-catching expensive bag and presented you with it to his brother and even into a zipper bag.

They were both in this, or more like Sideswipe was dragging Sunstreaker in the whole mess, like when you first meet them, and that was hell; at least the vicuna one was nice, just what you need to roll into in order to escape from any stress around.

Just like having someone, not bot, calling out your name in the Ark.

Most of the time you're next to Sideswipe, Sunstreaker too in recent days, and while it is understandable to say you should be more familiar with the other humans there has never been a real occasion to get to know them better since they apparently know one another way before your arrival.

So imagine the surprise when Hunter starts to make little conversation with you, starts to eat with you and even gives you sandwiches from who knows where because he is under extreme care after what happened the last time and totally banned from being out of the Ark like Jimmy and Verity, and everything is new because you're interacting with humans near your age range, you really are and that part of your brain which is a sociable creature is producing chemical happiness only by being in a group that recognizes your existence after so long.

It's good, fantastic, really, and you tell Sideswipe so after stopping him from picking you up one day to stay more time with the others.

You still ask to yourself if some word was rude or... Not exactly sure how to explain why he looked so down, nor why you tell Hunter no in the end and go back to Sides who is absentmindedly on his habsuit but almost jumps out of his oversized bed to greet you before asking for a favor.

Far from their shared habsuit, Sunstreaker is doing something that makes one of the most stupid but important things he has been getting ready for, moving as he can while most of his wounds are now repaired, his pride damaged beyond repair when he feels the movement on the door, there isn't much to expect when he already knows who it is, the human, well, no longer only human, Hunter, is standing just there, a bag full of the supposed essentials on his shoulder, Sunstreaker can't say anything, can't scoff at his organic nature's features that need aid of such mundane things nor can he make a joke about it.

Because he is very much headless with Hunter walking to him, is the middle of the night cycle and no one knows what they are going to do, the deal they have done.

Sunstreaker can't and will not leave his head to human supposed scientists to play with, Hunter wants to stop hearing him and, even if he denies it both ways, he feels bad for the mech.

"It was about time", Sunstreaker gets down the medbay berth room as fast and coordinate as he can in his state, is little more easy when he uses the bond to look through Hunter's eyes, guiding him in some way even if he is going to deny it later.

Hunter, already familiar with his attitude, can only sigh and get near to the mech's pedes, "sorry, I tried to say goodbye to some of the guys", well, he at least did to most of them, Jimmy and Verity seem to have catched onto something rare happening and maybe he didn't have to do it, seems that Sunstreaker hasn't even talked with his own twin about this, as for you, he only got to say bye hurriedly because you were fast to go with Sideswipe.

The thoughts pop up and it's normal, but he is already feeling the slow movement of Sunstreaker's body, if he had his head on, it would have been the same as if the guy was about to stomp on him, "If you're gonna court Side's pet do it when we get back, better to check that one out fast" he is talking alone, again, while moving around the room and expecting the next movement of the human.

Hunter's voice is sincere, like always, it's strange, because their voices are starting to sound the same and is reaching the point of it to be unnerving, to both of them, "You get that I wasn't the one initiating it or that I can't exactly stop it, right?", The mere idea makes him remember some of the most crazy and high daze induced alien movies he has ever seen on his life, of course most alien movies don't even make full sense of reason, but now that the he is a part of the real deal-

"What does that mean?" His tone is dangerous in everyway, but Hunter has learned to round those up and return back with a response, long gone are the days in where he cowardly shut his mouth against Sunstreaker.

"Means what it means, dude", he changes, his body does now, and he has a new view when Sunstreaker links them both, looking whole again in one of the windows that reflects them, Sunstreaker loves himself more than anything, but Hunter can't stop the disgusted expression in the glass and looks back at him.

"Means what you can tolerate now, I guess", there is just so much they can take from one another, or how much they can tolerate, being Hunter the holder of the almost never ending peace if it's needed, keeping Sunstreaker down, or at least to listen, is hard as it is, so imagine his surprise to the internal notifications popping in front of him when he notices you are also there, the body almost jumping backwards in order to stop any collision, looking like you just saw a ghost, a nightmare, and they don't need to ask about it.

You just saw Hunter became Sunstreaker's helm, but you can't let that show, there is only one certainty, this bot is Sunstreaker, maybe, he is looking at you with hardly covered disgust as always, but Hunter knows best and he can see every alert of their shared HUD telling him to avoid confrontation after a second passing notification gave the protocol of auto preservation to knock you out int that moment.

No matter how much Sunstreaker denies it or how much this seem surreal for Hunter, the mech cares for you, way too much.

"Sides-", you change your words, looking around, the yellow blanket that Sunstreaker likes so much on the zipper bag as always and it makes him stop on his steps, "Sideswipe told me to have a sleepover with you".

Of course the little fragger did, it doesn't seem out of sense, "Listen to me, human, I-".

"No, you listen to me", well, that's new, all this time you have cowered away, kept your mouth tightly shut and you head low everytime he said something, apparently now you're growing some courage, Sunstreaker isn't sure if he hates it or if he likes it he likes it, he likes it a lot, "Whatever is happening I don't really want to know, but", it seems like what you want to say is being held back by some kind of restraint, but you force it out when Sunstreaker is about to leave, "but please think of Sideswipe", your voice is a mere whisper, not even Red Alert would have heard it, to that much all the courage in your body sums up at it seems, and while Hunter feels bad for you Sunstreaker doesn't show the same sympathy.

"This doesn't have anything to do with Sides or you", his resolution is final, even when Hunter tries to negotiate the situation, but it's wasted time, you aren't even near the alert bottom, there is no way you can say to anybot that he is out of the medical bay or on his way to who knows where.

Still, the fire ignited on you doesn't stop, it keeps growing, "That spark isn't only yours", he is having enough of this, you acting all though, exventing, tired, and practically leaving you to whisper like a mad thing alone in your own chatting, "it's also Sideswipe's, he may say he is good alone but he needs you, you need him-", he makes a sound with his vents, like a scoff, and while Hunter can't believe Sunstreaker is really going to leave you there, embarrassed, in the verge of tears, the raise in volume do get their attention, both stop dead on their way when you really had enough, "you weren't here!", as if your daring didn't know any limits now you did shout, and Sunstreaker is almost sure at least one bot may have heard you, while he looks at the still empty corridors, "you weren't here, you didn't see him almost going into whatever equivalent you have of alien depression! You weren't here and now you must be because Sideswipe-!"

"This doesn't have anything to do with Sideswipe, this is my thing, my business and my personal matters so give me a break and go back to whatever cave you came from", he hissed back, low but the threatening of his words is still there, it doesn't stop you, there is a crazy tint on your eyes while you point a finger at him.

"You, you, you, it's always about you!", now you're full on screaming, almost shrieking, a limit being finally broken, "I don't care about you!", Hunter has to shut up before saying anything, because your words seem to have been a low blow, hate permeating all your words, "I never cared for you, I care for my friends! I care for Sides! And you are the fucking shit that comes along with him, I don't care what you do or if you go die, I would be happy if you did it alone but I don't want to lose Sides because of you!", as if your words didn't stung enough you throw the blanket to the floor and it makes the expression of the mech to darken even more by an strange feeling, "leave Hunter behind, leave your spark behind!"

For a moment it seems like Sunstreaker is trying to reach out to you, maybe kill you by your bravery, you would expect something like that from him, not really, he would never stain himself with blood,either way the autobots are coming, you made as much noise as possible and your throat is raw by it, but if they can stop whatever madness he is trying to do then so be it, but, far from touching you he goes for the blanket, the stupid, expensive, obnoxious blanket.

A vain mech, even when you're insulting him, the almost hurt expression he has doesn't even matter to you now.

There is no much to expect, you can already hear the autobots come and so he does, looking at you in a way that makes you shudder, scared of him, Sunstreaker doesn't have time for this and changes to alt mode.

You know nothing, he wants to tell you, he really does, shout it to your face, but he really can't think of it when someone else is hearing his thoughts.

There is deafening silence, partially, only the sound of his tires can be heard and is all he wants to hear, he can also see- sense what he is feeling, and Hunter feels bad for him.

"Sunstreaker-"

"Don't-", his voice is hard, low yet powerful in a way he hadn't heard so far, "don't you dare say anything, I don't need it".

He says so, and Hunter prefers to not say a word about it, don't even mention the now shredded yellow blanket by his transformation seams on his back seat.

[gothic-aesthetic-gal]

Old Scars (Part 3)

Ledger!joker x reader

Fem!reader is kidnapped by the joker and his henchmen while just trying to get a moment's reprieve from her boring, soul-destroying job ✨️

Tw: I mean, we all saw TDK, right? I'd say this is on the same level/rating. Kidnapping, violence, mentions of minor characters (not J) being misogynist/threatening SA, reference to past traumatic injury. Beyond this i'm not sure, i'll update these when I write more.

🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏🃏

Part 3 -

The old apartment block still had its original chimney stacks, so the joker set about haphazardly making a fire. He piled up bits of broken furniture and wood into the brick fireplace and then tossed some kind of accelerant, I wasn't exactly sure what, over the top. Then he patted his pockets, before turning to me.

I realised what he was getting at and slid my hands into the numerous pockets of his jacket.

"Uh, you want the bottom left," he instructed

My fingers closed around a metal lighter which I withdrew. I crossed over to him and instead of handing it over, grabbed the old newspaper from the table.

I bent down by the hearth and began to screw up balls of paper and toss them on top of the wood pile. Once I was satisfied, being very careful not to set fire to my dress, I flicked open the lighter. My thumb sparked the flame on the first try of the wheel, which I was secretly quite pleased with myself for. Leaning forward, I lit the newspaper and watched as it began to catch. Once it did, whatever he had added quickly went up too.

I stood up and extended the lighter to him.

"Starting a fire is easy, but if you don't do it right, it won't last," I offered in explanation.

"Poetic," he mused.

Our hands met as I handed off the lighter; my fingertips brushed against his open palm. I was struck by how human his hands were and couldn't help but stare for a moment in morbid fascination.

He was watching me with an unreadable expression on his face, as he flicked the lid of the lighter closed with a flourish.

He put the lighter into the pocket of his suit trousers and sat down by the fire. I found myself doing the same; I was so desperate for warmth. The flickering orange glow of the flames played across our faces and I wondered if I didn't look almost as disturbing as him right now, between my developing black eye and my rain-streaked makeup.

Something about the total absurdity of the situation struck me all at once. Here I was, with the joker himself, sat next to him and draped in his coat. I began to laugh. I'd survived the accident, and all the mental anguish that followed in its wake, and other than that, I was a total nobody. I was a loner, with a shitty job, a shitty apartment, and no money, adrift in the sewer which was Gotham city. No family, next to no real friends. And now, to top it all off, I might die here and no one would know. Would anyone even notice I was gone?

I laughed until my ribs ached, and then my amusment was quickly replaced by despair. I began to cry. I was cold to my bones, in physical pain, totally dishevelled, and far from home, and all of it was too much. My companion was sat with his back against the side of the couch, elbows resting on his knees as he fidgeted ceaselessly with his hands.

It was like he was constantly ticking over, like he was driven by some kind of machine. He watched me wordlessly as my outburst gave way to silent tears. My mind combed back over the sequence of events that brought me here, and suddenly I remembered the terrified shop girl. She had been kind to me.

"Those people, in the store, I know you don't care, but are they even... alive?" I asked, finally.

He seemed to think on it for a moment.

"Well, that depends really..." he offered, casual in tone.

"On what?"

"On whether the GCPD disarmed them... or dis-armed them," he wheezed with laughter, clearly finding dark humour in my question.

Even though I knew what he was, to be reminded so obviously was still shocking. Jarringly, he sprang to his feet, causing me to flinch.

"If you want to know so badly, why don't we turn on the news, hm?"

He dragged the old miniature tv set over and swept a big cloud of dust away from the screen. After some fiddling with the aerials and the crackling in and out of static, the voice of the newscaster broke through and the picture mostly cleared up.

The news report included security camera footage of us leaving the store. It felt surreal to see what I had lived through playing out in third-person perspective.

"As you can see here, one of the people inside is still missing. This unknown woman was taken hostage by the gang of armed men. Police are urging anyone with information to come forward, as they are concerned for her safety," the newscaster said from her desk.

I couldn't help but huff in disbelief at the idea that the GCPD were really all that concerned with tracking me down. I knew the more likely scenario to be that some middle-aged detective, who thought he knew better, had assumed I was dead by now and was concerned with "more pressing" cases. They would be expecting a body in a purple dress to show up sooner or later.

The joker shot me an interested look.

"You don't have a lot of faith in the good old boys in blue?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Next to none," I murmured.

"But they're going to come and rescue you!" He exclaimed, his voice cracking, mocking in tone.

I pulled the heavy coat tighter around me as I finally began to feel a little less like I was going to die of exposure.

"No, they're not. They don't even know, or care, who I am," I muttered darkly, approaching the TV set.

I saw in the back of the newsreel that the shop girl was being wrapped in a blanket and treated for shock by EMTs. She looked otherwise fine. I sighed in relief and turned the picture off.

"So, Jane Doe, who are you, really?" He asked, in his sing-songy voice.

As his eyes met my own, I thought about how someone had once told me in hostage situations you had better chances of survival if you made your captor more aware of your life, your personality, and your place in the world. The idea being that they will find it harder to kill you if you have fleshed yourself out as more of a 'whole person'. I thought about how this advice was entirely useless with someone like the man stood before me right now.

The joker was not going to be swayed into sympathy for me because he was, most likely, a true psychopath. He would have very little use for an empathy pathway, other than to better appreciate the pain he inflicted and to better manipulate the pawns he saw all around him. What I could do though, was try to make myself more interesting. He clearly had a fascination for me of some kind, and if I could tap into it, maybe, just maybe, I could buy myself enough time to escape. For survival, I was prepared to play the long game.

"Y/n," I answered, only offering up my first name, a compromise between telling the truth and not giving over everything to him.

"Y/n," he echoed in his gravelly voice, "I like that".

"What about you, you must have a name?" I pressed back.

One corner of his mouth twitched upwards into a half-smile.

"You can call me anything you like, doll," he said with a wink.

"So, if you don't have a name, nobody owns you, is that it, or is it just for practical reasons?" I thought aloud.

His cold stare met my own again, sending a fresh chill through my body. He didn't give an answer; it wouldn't be that easy.

"Okay then, I guess I'll just call you J. Keep it simple?"

He nodded as if to say he had no objections.

Not knowing what else to do, I crossed over to the kitchen cabinets and began to investigate their contents. The room was open plan, more of a studio layout type of deal. I found half a bottle of vodka, a tin of peach slices, a fork, and a pack of paper towels, and a few basic medical supplies, which looked suspiciously like they had been swiped from a hospital. I returned with my little magpie haul to my spot next to the fireplace and began to nurse my various wounds.

I tore what was left of the tights so that they stopped at the ankle, and grimaced as I used the cotton swabs and vodka to clean the dirt from my grazed soles.

"What size shoe do you wear?" The Joker asked, watching my latest endeavour.

I felt a strange sense of déja vu, and gave my answer matter of factly. He shuffled off into the other room and I again wondered if I should take the knife from the table, but the same issues still stood in my way.

He soon returned with a pair of black boots in hand and dropped them onto the floor beside me, followed by a pair of thick socks.

"Thanks," I murmured.

When I was done disinfecting, and sticking band aids over the worst of my cuts, I pulled on the socks and army style boots, which were a little on the roomy side but not to the point that it was an issue moving around. Once they were laced up, I set to cleaning my eyebrow, and tried to apply closure strips to hold the skin together. This was very hard to do via touch rather than in a mirror and I began to get frustrated.

"Get up," Joker commanded.

Caught off guard, I slowly got to my feet as he sauntered over.

I flinched as he extended a hand toward me, half expecting to feel a knife slip between my ribs. He roughly grasped my forearm and took the tape strips from my hand, his face conveying a kind of "really?" - Judgement for the way I'd shrunk back from him. I somehow forced myself to relax a little under his grip.

"Look at me," he instructed, once again being a lot more hands-on than anyone with a normal respect for boundaries would.

His free hand tilted my head back so that I was forced to look directly at his painted face. With a look of intense concentration he placed the strips across my split brow, taking care to line them up properly. His actions confused me.

"That guy wasn't wrong, it's probably going to leave a mark," I sighed, "so much for my good eyebrow..."

"It won't be as deep as the others, it will still be your good eyebrow."

"Gee, thanks, that makes me feel so much better," I mumbled sarcastically.

Not entirely knowing what came over me, I tentatively reached out a hand toward his face. He was unusually still for a moment, seeming to allow it. In a kind of morbid fascination and awe I gently touched my finger tips to the left side of his face. I could see that the right side was much cleaner cut, with a neater scar, but the left was a jagged mess. I couldn't imagine the pain an injury like that must have caused, even with my own experience.

"You wanna know how I got 'em?" He asked, clicking his tongue against his teeth.

Of course I did. That was my knee-jerk reaction. The human brain seeking understanding, feeling entitled to know... but almost immediately after it, all the times people had rudely asked me what happened to my face quickly flooded into my head. What they didn't think, or perhaps in some cases didn't care about, was how it made me feel. They decided their curiosity was more important than my privacy and comfort. They decided that I should expect to keep telling that story, because how could I blame them for asking when my face looked this way?

In the end, for fun, sometimes I just made it up. How would they know? Even if the story was outlandish, they wouldn't, and I got to keep the pieces of my soul that I was expected to just give away freely each time.

"No," I responded finally, retracting my hand.

He seemed taken off guard by this, and looked me over with a suspicious squint, before he simply shrugged and returned to his place on the couch, undoing and removing his tie.

I sat back down and cracked open the tin of peach slices. I fished them out with the fork and began to eat them slowly, savouring the sweetness.

"Well, I wonder how long it will take my boss to notice i'm missing," I thought aloud.

"Not long, surely?"

"It depends on how long it takes before she expects me to do another stack of her stupid paperwork. It could be a couple of days."

"That's terrible management".

"Well yeah, welcome to the life of anyone on minimum wage in this cesspit of a city".

"Little cogs in an absurd machine."

I nodded slowly, he wasn't wrong - but even a broken clock is right twice a day.

"I suppose, at least being taken hostage means I won't be dragging myself in to the office tomorrow. Although, I'll probably be fired for the no-show, no-call."

"What is it that you do exactly? It already sounds incredibly dull."

"Admin work mainly, sometimes reception duties. It really is mind-numbingly boring."

"Ah, the cubicle farm? I'll bet it makes you just want to blow your brains out!" He laughed imitating doing just that.

Again, he wasn't entirely incorrect and as much as it felt wrong he had teased a genuine smile out of me. To try and hide it, I ate another peach slice.

In a very fucked up way, there was something oddly liberating about this. It made no sense, as how could being trapped against my will be freeing? But, it was true that I suddenly had no reason to stress about not showing up for work - what was the point when it was out of my hands?

"So," he suddenly clapped his hands together and straightened his posture, "tell me, don't you ever fantasise about setting the place on fire? Blowing it up? How about teaching your boss a lesson?"

"Well, yeah... sometimes. But that doesn't mean i'd actually do any of those things."

"What stops you?"

"I have a conscience, AND it's not worth going to prison over".

He shifted in his seat.

"But, theoretically speaking, if you could do it without consequence, would you?"

"No, I don't think so. Aside from maybe scaring my regional manager 'A Christmas Carol' style... and telling my line manager to go fuck herself."

I got a grin of amusement out of him at this.

"Are you sure?" He asked, drawing out the final syllables.

"No, of course not!" I snorted, "I'm human. No one can say with certainty what they would do, until push comes to shove, but for me it'd have to be a monumental shove to tip me into that sort of criminality."

"You would be surprised how little it takes for so many."

"Disappointed? Sure, but surprised? No. Espescially when money's involved, I see it everwhere. Cops, judges - the mob. If you got money, you're exempt from the rules which govern the rest of us," I shrugged, tapping the fork against the can.

"I like you, peaches; you're awake. Moral code or not, you're a realist. You see things. Like me."

I wasn't sure what to make of the nickname and the fact that he thought we were in some way similar...

"Can't say I ever thought of comparing myself to, well, you... but I will admit we have some common ground," I replied, hoping desperately that this rapport we were building was not just a cruel trick.

Link below for the other chapters: