#or people talking to me how they stopped feeling safe posting in fandom over that crap

[katyspersonal]

I know we don't talk and there's stuff we may not agree with. But I am truly sorry you've dealt with a lot of drama over fictional crap. And I'm sorry if my posts in the past ever contributed to that. Hope you have a better day.

Hey... That's all fine, don't worry! After all, it takes a lot of time and Insight to realise that Gehrman is a very gentle and respectful man and Godrick is an absolute gigachad kdkdkshdffhhgfds /lh /lh

But yeah, on a serious note. It was quite frustrating to find out the real motivation under all that... mess was something so pathetic, but at the same time this is what happens when people make engagement with media and fandoms a moral, political act. Not necessarily a problem, after all, I was the one who concluded that the way a fan judges fictional characters and other fans will very well reveal how cruel they are to real people who do something bad, or how much they will forgive based on personal sympathies. And my mad ravings about caring about female characters! I think the problem comes when a fan is so insecure that they have nothing else besides this defence of ideals through fandomry. If your only way to assert yourself is to be a good guy punishing the bad guys, and that mad raving loredigger discovers there is NO bad guy, what is left of you?

This is why it is crucial to have passion for nurturing rather than for undermining! I think if you speak like this, you've found this truth too? This is true that I don't know you very much (mutual-in-law thing), but to be honest.. you didn't poison my fandom experience at all? I tend to never be aware about discourse until someone basically calls me for help fhdhgsdgdfs Can't scout the fandom tag regularly!

But not only it actually was a quite long ago I saw a "negative" post from you, but also I've seen through the posts that my friends liked or reblogged from you that you've actually became very eager person to defend people's passion and interests! I think the post that particularly got stuck with me was when you resented seeing someone's light die after some Redditor asshole "well aktualy"'d a thing they were excited about creating (not exact wording but maybe you remember too)? Like... you are fine, man. At that point I realised that you were a good fan and in the end valued people's creativity and passion over personal preferences. That you never wanted to be THAT guy, even if your interpretation could not be further from someone else's. Coming to terms with what actually matters in fandomry is very mature and I am happy to see this attitude!

I am still glad that you messaged me about this though; I did not expect this, but thank you! I think I will continue getting involved in fictional discourse because my autistic senses cannot ignore factually incorrect takes with a clear insidious motive, and.. eh, sooner or later, I'll piss off the wrong guy again. Don't feel bad for me when it inevitably happens :p I've accepted the shortcomings when I decided to be the debate guy. Simply laughing at some gremlin starting a discourse with the girls in DMs and not stressing over it is only funny until I realise that newer fans could get misinformed right off the bat.

[nyaskitten]

EDIT: THIS POST IS INACCURATE !!!

I made the assumption Olive was editing the wiki articles, and while that's a very logical conclusion to reach, it was actually someone who shares the same viewpoints as them!!! Anything including the wiki articles and Olive's involvement is wrong and that's my bad!!!

Alright fellas, I guess we did it. We have reached the tipping point. I'm going to dedicate this post to calling out one specific person, @olivescales3, and their very toxic behavior. This post will be a bit messy, and I do apologize in advance, I'm writing this from the perspective of a Ninjago fan who also thinks beyond just the petty fandom stuff, what they're doing is just not cool.

I will clarify, I do not make this post for petty fandom drama, I make this to better spread awareness on some of the bullshit they're doing, so you can look out for and understand that they're bullshitting. Without further ado, I think we should just get into it.

So, what have they done?

Now, I should say while there is no 100000% concrete link between hyenabro and olivescales, I think based on their talking points (as well and the information I've recieved from friends in the Chima fandom, who have a bunch of prior experience with them,) it's safe to make this assumption!

So, what has olivescales DONE in this case? Simple, they've vandalized the Chima wiki on NUMEROUS occasions, even after several different people have revised their revisions, so as to discredit any conenctions between Dragons Rising and Chima.

(Green is their edits, red is the ones prior to theirs, I found this while going through their contributions section on their Fandom account, HyenaBro119)

As seen here, they have (under the username HyenaBro119) edited the pages for Chima AND the Forever Rock (I have two similar screenshots of essentially the same thing, one was from the Forever Rock article, the other was from Chima) and claimed Ninjago's lore to be some alternate universe. To further validate it, they write "Ras' visit to," but Ras NEVER claimed to have VISITED these locations, just that he knows them. They also claim the Forever Rock was destroyed, a blatant lie. Only a small section of rock on the Forever Rock was actually destroyed, not the whole thing.

Now, you're gonna ask "but Raine, how can you 100000% say it's them?" and I will cite common sense. While I cannot directly tie Olive to hyena, I CAN say their wording is SO very similar.

Both Hyena and Olive call DR "a parallel/alternate universe," and again, claim Forever Rock was destroyed, WHICH IS A FULL ON LIE. They're so adamant to protect "the sanctity of Chima's pre-established, set-in-stone lore" that they can't stop to think maybe, JUST MAYBE, sometimes a story can get new lore which can ALSO be canon!

I'd also love to share this HILARIOUS screenshot of one of their many posts, which not only backs up what I'm saying, but it's like damn they really set themself up huh!

Gee I wonder why you feel alone! Maybe it's because you are! Maybe it's because you're lying and making shit up to prove yourself right! No one is as big of a hater as you!

The also LOVE saying Ninjago cannot do anything with Chima unless they get express permission from the creator of Chima, some guy named John Derevlany, but oh man what's this I see before me?

CO-CREATOR? Oh but Olive, I thought he was the CREATOR of Chima, not CO-creator... ALSO Lego owns the rights to Chima, and Ninjago, and every other theme, as said by Doc himself! If anything he wasn't really dodging the question, just giving a vague answer, because he doesn't know much about the old contracts!

From what he said, it's clear that if they wanted to use anything from the other themes, they'd have to consult folks over at LEGO, not John Derevlany or Tommy A.!

Now here's the THING, I GET where they're coming from, it CAN be annoying to have people only care about a thing you like in relation to something else, but when you're going out of your way to argue that none of it can be canon and it's all an alternate universe it's like... god it's so sad and pathetic really.

Their lies and BS don't even end there with the wiki shit, because I have THIS glorious gem.

A) They bring up that the Ninjago folk do not know who the Phoenixes are which is like, okay??? Why the fuck are they gonna know about how another universe was created??? That's like if someone told me I don't exist in the same universe as my glasses because I have no clue who made them, that is to say, that's stupid as FUCK to say!

B) OH they say something REAAALLL funny ohohohho I am actually dying. Olive says the Phoenix icon "appeared in a Ninjago episode" and "Ninjago tends to reuse assets." Yep, NINJAGO is the one who reused the phoenix symbol, mhm. The symbol that was made in 2011 for NINJAGO, which cameoed in CHIMA in 2014, was actually just an asset reuse by Ninjago. I feel like this actually goes to show how desparate they are to feel right and validated, because this? This a lie! Ninjago made the symbol, and because Tommy A. is co-creator to both, he wanted to slip in a neat Ninjago reference, so he slipped in the Phoenix symbol Nya uses for the Phoenix tribe, not the other way around!

Another REALLY funny thing they did, aside from the wiki and Phoenix symbol shit, was this hilarious attempt at being right!

Yes, the compared the WOLF Masks to BATman's cowl, and did a horribly rough comparison illustration that very much does not make sense. If you actually compared them side by side, the only similarities would be they're both angry animal themed mask with pointy ears, which does NOT go very far in the long run. The foreheads they drew aren't even the same fucking shape lol.

OH ANS WE CANNOT FORGET THIS ONE! Their using a post about the Palestinian genocide and boycotting Lego in order to complain about Ninjago.

They claim Ninjago is produced by Lego, unlike other Lego shows, which is an EXTREMELY bullshit fucking claim. Just like Chima and Nexo Knights, Ninjago is produced by Lego, it's not JUST Ninjago produced by Lego, they are all Canadian-Danish CGI action shows, and they're all known to have Tommy Andreasen involved in the creation of them.

They're using a post about boycotting for the sake of innocent people DYING to complain about a lego ninja show for... killing evil people? It doesn't glorify war, the worst it does in regards to war is like not address how fucked up it can be in regards to the Serpentine War, but that's like it. I think it's so funny they want to single out Ninjago as if it's the only TV series where villains die for trying to conquer/destroy the world.

So, what do I want the takeaway from this post to be? What do I want you to get from it? I don't really know anymore, I just don't want Olive's horrendously toxic behaviors, and straight up lies to stop. If anything I think it's beautiful that Ninjago is making others interested in revisiting Chima again, stop being such a fucking hater dude. They act like Chima is some holy grail of Lego, the greatest thing since bread, but it, just like Ninjago, Dreamzzz, Hidden Side, and Nexo Knights, have Tommy in creative roles.

To act like Chima is somehow greater than is to place it on an unrealistic pedestal as if it's a godsend, when in reality it was co-created by Tommy Fucking Andreasen.

If you read through all of this, I do THOROUGHLY appreciate it, I didn't mean for this post to descend into an angry ramble but ehhh yk how it is. And Olive, if you see this, please, just stop with the bullshit.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

I just wanted to say that the way you characterize and talk about Miguel has actually really helped me with thinking about how to write for him 😭 genuinely I love the way you describe him as an actual like person and not just some sex addict or someone who's extremely distant and cold. I hope you continue writing mild Miguel because it's so refreshing compared to all the other shit I see 😭💕

THANK YOU THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHH THIS IS A MIGUEL SAFE SPACE AND LIKE- CAN I BE REAL FOR A SECOND???

MIGUEL ISN'T AN ASSHOLE YOU PEOPLE ARE JUST MEAN - A.K.A -

My Defense & Evidence of a Milder, Non-aggressive Sympathetic Miguel O'hara.

[This is a half-break down half rant about Mild Miguel, when we see Miguel's true nature, and what fandom gets wrong about him. I have my evidence.

this is shorter than my usual posts but I'm going absolute apeshit Miguel Mode by the end so sorry you have to see that.]

I think Miguel and Hobie are the two most complex characters in the film. Like - both of them equally.

It's just really easy to explain one over the other.

I feel this way because every character we see in the entire movie - Miles, Gwen, Peter, Jess, Rio, Jeff, The Spot, everyone - is forthcoming and clear about their intentions and motive throughout the movie.

When we're watching the movie the first time, we understand Miles motive, and Peter's, and Gwen. In real time. It's there and stated. Miles wants to save his dad, Peter wants to be a better mentor, Gwen just wants peace basically.

But when we're watching for the first time - we have no idea what Hobie OR Miguel is capable of until they do it.

They are the two we're surprised by. (And they're also exact opposites who somehow don't seem to be complete adversaries)

They're the only two within the film who we are left to speculate their motive, their drive, and what they'll do next.

They're the only two in the film who are truly meant to catch us off guard with their behavior.

Leading up to Hobie's big twist, there was a LOT of misdirection. I think the same is true for Miguel...but like..the fandom isn't picking up on the misdirection AT ALL.

I have a lot of ideas and thoughts about Miguel and his character and honestly I think it's the exact opposite of what the fandom sees.

But when its's Hobie, it's very easy to understand him, just read the wiki on Punk and you're good.

But I don't think anyone has look closer at Miguel yet.

I genuinely believe that the reason Miles got away was because Miguel went soft.

He was watching the videos of Gaby to remind himself why he was doing this - why he had to stand his ground, but when Miles started panicking, and begging to know how much time he had left - Miguel slipped up. He went soft.

And he told him 'two days'.

You can see it in Miguel's face when Miles is asking.

That's not the face of a man considering assault. That's not anger. He's wavering.

He didn't have to tell Miles how long he had left. But he did - why? Cause he thought 'I'd kill for two days with Gabby. A lot of people get less warning about death - Maybe he can spend those two days with his fath-'

and then Miles is like 'word?? two days to stop you?? iight im out also fuck yall' - which understandable have a nice day

But like......Miguel wouldn't have said it if he knew it would fuck him over. He didn't KNOW Miles was radicalized cause he didn't know Hobie had spoken to him. He thought that telling him might convince him. If he knew Miles was gonna run - there's no need to tell him anything.

He could've lied and said "I DON'T KNOW. But maybe let's talk about this."

But he didn't. He slipped up.

He's SOFT. Everytime he's mean, or angry - He has to think about it. Like when he looked at Hobie - and thought about it. He has to MAKE himself do it. It isn't natural to him.

Nobody else in the room was gonna answer Miles. Miles wouldn't have known. But Miguel told him two days. And because of that, that specific slip-up, Miles is trying to save his dad.

Why? Because he's SOFT. CAPITAL S SOFT.

Miguel is not a raging monster. Or aggressive. Or manipulative.

He's a guy who thinks he's holding the universe together with duct tape and a kid is in front of him begging to know how long they have left with their father and he tells them and because of that they get away and now everything he worked for is gonna emplode in his face because he had a SOFT SPOT FOR A KID AGAIN AND DID SOMETHING HE SHOULDN'T AGAIN AND TOLD HIM AND NOW PEOPLE ARE GONNA DIE AGAIN BECAUSE HE MESSED WITH THE MULTIVERSE AGAIN FUCK-

Like...yeah- he snapped. A normal person would snap. I've snapped for way less and a lot of other people have.

Granted, we don't go mauling children.

I don't know, I just feel like he's an incredibly layered character.

Because when he's ranting and screaming at Gwen like an irritated school teacher we're already like 'oh fuck you dude but also fuck you ;)'

so when he's right there doing things like this - we don't see it. The same way we don't see Hobie's stealing - because we think we have him figured out.

We don't see Miguel's tenderness.

Because we assume we know who he is - he's cold and aggressive and rude and hates Miles,

but like...is he really?

Miles is getting upset - and the whole conversation leading up to it Miguel has talked to him from a far, hands when Miles can see them. He's not trying to stand over him, or intimidate him. Miguel knows he's scary. He knows how to be scary.

He isn't trying to scare Miles. The exact opposite. He's trying to comfort him.

And when Miles starts lashing out - Miguel is genuinely surprised. That isn't the look of someone who THINKS he's about to hurt this kid.

He's telling Miles, hands up "Hey, sorry. I'm not trying to hurt you." He immediately lets go, backs up.

I just---- FUCK, PEOPLE THE MAN IS STANDING RIGHT THERE THATS MILD MIGUEL LOOK AT HIM

If you really really think Miguel is naturally aggressive, or angry, or cold -

If you write him that way -

I ask that you rewatch the leading up to Miles' escape. Look at his body language. Watch him, and look at his face. That's all I ask.

I just kjsjrghjkSIGHIDDGU I CAN'T STAND FOR THIS INJUSTICE AND EMOTIONAL ILLITERACY

HES NOT A GOOD GUY BUT LIKE....HE'S ... THE ONE YALL ARE SERVING...COMPLETELY DIFFERENT MAN.

He's SOFT. The same way he caved for Gwen after a little pushing. He caved for Miles after a little pushing. That's why he told him two days. SOFT

MILD MIGUEL, SOFT MIGUEL, WANTS TO DO THE HARD THING BUT FUCK HE CAN'T DO IT MIGUEL, HAS TO STAND COMPLETELY STILL AND UNMOVING TO NOT CAVE TO MAYDAY MIGUEL, MIGUEL WHO LOVES PEOPLE BUT KEEPS HIS DISTANCE AND SHUTS HIS MOUTH BECAUSE PEOPLE GET HURT MIGUEL MIGUEL MIGUEL

I'm going to go Miguel Mode.

If understanding Hobie was a house, the fandom is standing out on the road.

If understanding Miguel was a house, the people aren't even in the same neighborhood. We're in the next state over. Other side of the globe. Off base by like 12 zipcodes and 4 times zones

Mild Miguel. Please tell me you're seeing this.

Am I crazy for thinking that the slip up - of telling Miles two days - wasn't out of stupidity but PITY? SYMPATHY?

Because Miguel thinks getting to spend two whole days with some you'll lose is a BLESSING to him - not a curse.

Even though to ANY non-traumatized person - it would be a curse.

...... yo

Miguel stepped into Gabriellas life because he didn't want her to lose a father. He KNOWS losing a father hurts.

So when Miles is there in front of him, talking about not wanting to lose his father - Miguel KNOWS how he feels. Gabby didn't want to lose her dad either.

Miguel UNDERSTANDS. He's a FATHER -

HE KNOWS HE'S BEING THE BAD GUY HE KNOWS ITS WRONG NOT TO STEP IN THATS WHY HE STEPPED IN FOR GABRIELLA IN THE FIRST PLACE THIS ISN'T THE PERSON HE WANTS TO BE OR THOUGHT HE'D BECOME YOU PEOPLE ARE MEAN AND HORNY -

I- I can't even i'm sorry I -

I have a longer post about this in the works like breaking down all of his body language from his moments with MJ and Hobie and like teverything

but ITS NOT EVEN LIKE I THINK HE'S RIGHT I JUST CANT STAND PEOPLE BEING THIS WRONG ABOUT IT I CANT

If you see him as aggressive or cold this post isn't meant to be an attack. I am just down bad for Mild Miguel and I'm going delirious with hunger and starvation for him

#Justice4MildMiguel Maybe I'm huffing copium but also i know im fucking not he's RIGHT THERE

[And if you hate Miguel like hate hate him Moche says dishonor on you dishonor on your cow dishonor your family and your land in the name of Aia Paec Almighty]

If you made it this far....Imsorry you had to see me that way I don't know what came over me here's a picture of Hobie to help me calm down.

(aka Hobie judging the fuck outta me in my head)

I need a glass of water. Bye.

[halfmoth-halfman]

Leaving this blog.

With my mini-series finishing up soon, I've decided to leave this blog as well as my AO3 account once it’s finished. This is not a decision I've made lightly, but circumstances have left this a place where I no longer feel safe.

As of now, I won't be deactivating this blog and will be leaving my fics up for anyone who'd still like to read them. I can't say this decision won't change later, but right now I feel that I've put too much work into this blog to simple delete it.

Below the cut is an explanation of why I'm making this decision, and what has been happening on this blog since the end of last year. It's not required to read or anything to understand the gist of this post; it's simply for my own peace of mind knowing that I spoke up about it. There will be topics that are possibly triggering such as harassment, threats, and racism so please mind the warnings and tags.

The mini-series is queued to finish next week, but there will be no more fic polls or wip wednesdays. I'll still be on here to make sure the queue does its job, and maybe post some stuff from my old drafts as a last bit of fun.

I'll have dms tentatively open for the next two-ish weeks for those who'd like to follow my new account, however I will not be answering anything from empty blogs. After that, asks and dms will be turned off, and I won't be coming back to this blog very often, if at all.

I cannot say thank you enough to the wonderful readers I've had and the amazing people I've met. I don't think I would've ever continued writing without your support and friendship. There's nothing I can do to show my appreciation for all of you.

Maybe we'll see each other again. If not, I hope your inspiration is always flowing, and 2024 treats you kindly.

Mothie 💜

Again, TW: rape/death threats, violent racism, repeated harassment, and mental health.

Back in November, I started getting rude, mean-spirited anons. It wasn't anything I was too bothered with because it didn't happen often and, honestly, my inbox gets flooded for a week or so anytime I post about certain topics. I blocked, deleted, reported and moved on thinking whoever it was would get bored and leave.

However, what started as a few rude anons calling me a bitch or stupid turned into a lot of anons being vile and racist which only worsened over the next few months.

I spoke about it in this post (link) near the end of November. In that post, I mentioned that those were the nicer asks and that was not an exaggeration. I have gotten my fair share of shitty anons as seen here (link) when I had to take a break from my blog because of said anons, but I have never gotten the amount of vitriol that I saw in these asks.

When I turned anon off, I started getting even worse messages from empty blogs that would either be blocked or deactivate within a week. When I turned my askbox off, I started getting hateful DMs. When I turned DMs off, it jumped from Tumblr to my other social medias which I had to private, completely avoid, or outright delete.

I got messages attacking my writing, calling me slurs, threatening to find me and rape or kill me, sending me explicit porn and rape videos while insulting my sexuality, and going into gross detail about how much people I interacted with hated me or how I would never be as good as them. I tried to power through it, pretending everything was fine while I pulled away from this blog, from writing, from friends that I loved and talked to every day. Everything about this blog, the fandoms I enjoyed, the people I talked to, made me so anxious because of these constant messages.

I took several breaks while dealing with this in therapy, repeatedly trying to come back and get comfortable on this blog, but within a few days of coming back the messages would start up again, either here or on any of my social medias I tried to unprivate, and I couldn't deal with it.

Only in the last week or two has it started to slow down and stop on a few of my other socials, which is the only reason I even feel comfortable making this post. However, in regards to this blog and my feelings toward it, the damage is done.

I don't think I can ever truly convey how isolating this has been. So many of these messages were about how I've spoken about my struggles as a black woman in fandom, how much of a burden it puts on the people who interact with me, how inferior I am to them and that I am everything that's wrong with fandom.

I felt scared and anxious to talk to anyone about this, especially people mentioned in those messages, out of fear that this harassment would jump to them. There are friendships that I stepped away from that I will never get back because of that. There are friends that I've felt like I was betraying by never telling them about what was happening because I felt too ashamed about letting this get to me.

I constantly worried that making a post like this would feel like, "Oh, Mothie's whining and trauma-dumping into the void about fandom racism again", that those messages would be right and it would force people to feel like they had to support me. Or worse, that people would agree and it would only make things worse. I've wrestled with so much guilt trying to decide to make this post and figure out what to do to make me trust myself again.

Ultimately, I don't think I was wrong for talking about my issues in fandom, and I don't think anything I've said has warranted this kind of harassment. I don’t know the who’s or why’s behind of this, but I've come to terms with the fact that I'll never really know. Truthfully, I'm not sure it even matters at this point. In the end, I think moving on from this blog entirely would be the best thing for me right now.

But, man, does it fucking suck.

This was the blog where I felt comfortable enough to start writing again, to start posting my fics. It's the blog where I met so many friends, got the courage to join new communities, found new hobbies, new music, new things to enjoy in life. It feels silly to say about a blog, but this was a place where I felt like I was able to carve out a space for myself. I put so much work into making it my own, and now the only thing I feel about it is anxious.

Hate messages and threats and racism have always been a part of fandom, and the internet as a whole. I’ve known since I started participating in fandom spaces that it was going to and continue to happen. I've known that I had to have a tough skin, especially if I ever spoke up about problems I faced because no one was going to have my back if I didn't have my own. I thought I had learned how to deal with it, and how to make a safe space for myself. But this goes beyond that. I did not deserve this. No one deserves this.

In some ways, it feels like admitting defeat, like I'm weak or hypocritical for not being as strong as I pretended I was and leaving. In other ways, it feels freeing to start over, and I'm choosing to view look at this optimistically even if it bittersweet. I don't want to let this scare me away from writing or from speaking about things that are important to me. All I can do now is say I'm so incredibly sorry to those I've hurt by stepping away or keeping this secret, and make sure I'm able to at least leave this blog on as happy a note as I can have.

[wispscribbles]

Mw3 spoilers (just a long personal ramble)

Hiii. So

As soon as the pre-release came out on, I hunted down spoilers, because I know myself and knew that if someone died and I got that information out of the blue, I wouldn’t take it well. Jokes on me, because I still haven’t been taking it well lol

I won’t talk about how Soap’s death was handled or the quality of the game. Plenty of smarter people are doing so.

I try not to talk a lot about myself and irl stuff on here, but will just say: I am very unwell, mentally. (Cue silence because that’s not surprising at all) Something I am very aware that I do, is that I latch onto fiction with my whole being, usually one specific character. For some reason, I always latch onto the character that ends up dead, usually in a way that make them only exist to further the motivations of other characters. It sucks.

So my hope for Soap has never been great, but for some reason I was still so shocked?? I don’t know, I tricked myself into thinking this time was different. Such an iconic character with so much good setup for great character development. I knew someone would die, but ow. To me, he was the element that made 141 seem more like family than coworkers. Soap’s interactions with the rest just livened up the games so much and made them all shine. Especially Ghost. Their dynamic, man.

Soap was the character that intrigued me enough to jump into the cod rabbit hole. It feels very hollow without him.

I keep telling myself that it’s silly to be so hurt over something fictional, and that I can just treat it as a mcd fanfic and move on, but nope. Brain’s stuck in the bad stuff. It’s a bad habit of mine to let something like this affect me so much, but well. Logic vs feeling and all that.

I really did find so much comfort in Soap this last year, that I severely needed. It feels a little like losing someone I know, someone who helped me through a rough time. I related to something in him and felt inspired. I only started writing after getting into ghostsoap, I started working out and I got back into art after a very long burnout. It may be fiction, but the impact is not.

So that was pretty much the worst case scenario of what mw3 could be to me. I always knew the risk, but, once again, ow. But there also seems to be plenty of good stuff in the game that I enjoy. I’m happy with the Ghost and Soap dialogue, the whole team working together and seeing Laswell and Farah and Alex and Nik. I hope I can be inspired by some of the new content once I’m calmer.

And I was worried they would ignore Ghost and Soap’s relationship after their development in mw2, but they genuinely seem to have gotten real close. It’s nice. I thought the shipping might scare the game devs into never having them appear in a scene together again, so that’s a plus.

Bottom line to all this is: I probably need a little break to get my head sorted. The grief is surprisingly real, it’s triggered some old stuff for me (haven’t been sleeping or eating, been stuck in some old thoughts). I’ll need to calm down and become a bit more normal about this again. Part of the grief isn’t so much about Soap himself, but also just the safe space that this account has been. The very nature of how the fandom is going to interact with Soap and Ghostsoap is going to change now, and man… I liked how it was, y’know? Could’ve used a little longer in that bubble. There’s going to be plenty of new fics and art, lovely stuff as always, but many of them will be tinged with grief, and I’m not in a place where that won’t break me a little.

I will hopefully come back to posting and making stuff once my brain settles down. I have so many drafts for fics and ideas that I hope I can return to. I’ve gotten so used to drawing these lads that I doubt I can stop tbh

The version of Soap that we love is already evolved from the games due to all the time and care the community has put into the character. The games may have killed him, but luckily, he’s fictional. We can do what we want, same as before.

I’m not even saying that I wish they hadn’t killed him. The games are crafting a story that fits their audience. It makes sense.

But I will choose to live in one of the many universes we’ve created for Soap, where he is alive and cared for, with a found family and a spooky lieutenant with a soft spot for him. Good for him.

Hope you’re all taking care of yourselves. RIP canon Soap (again). Thanks to Neil for a wonderful portrayal. And no matter where we go from here, thanks for a wonderful year of creating with you lovely folks. Seriously, some of the kindest people I’ve met in fandom. <3

Lastly: fuck you Kevin O’Reilly, but more importantly, sincerely thank you. (CallMeKevin video about mw2 got me into this mess. Otherwise I was keeping cod at an arm’s length, but he’s my fav youtuber, so I watched it. And here we are!)

[fanganfessions]

vent !! chapter 2 ep 15 spoilers

god and i cant even begin to express how much i hate veronika after this last episode. i was already beginning to have mixed feeling about her after being harassed by a few veronika defenders which only caused for me to not like her more out of spite. but my god the way she kept antagonizing ace seriously broke me. this man expresses how he was offended and all veronika can say is: "Oh, that hit a nerve. Didn't it?" what kind of person says those kinds of things?? thats just so cruel. maybe part of the reason why i hate veronika is because she reminds me so much of my sister. my sister is 10x worse than veronika but i cant but wanna claw my eyes out when i see her. shes a constant reminder that my feelings arent valid and i will never be anything more than something to make fun of. because thats exactly what she does to ace.

just for now im muting all the drdt tags besides any related to ace. i dont wanna see anything about any other character besides him. because it'll just remind me that not even the fandom appreciates ace as much as i do. they all care about everyone else. for fucks sake even hu and arturo are more liked than ace when they have contributed nothing useful besides a tiny bit of lore here and there.

just hearing ichiko aoba humming makes me think of last night where i cried over ace. its so calming but also so traumatizing because just hearing it reminds me of him. honestly i didnt think some jockey would impact me this much but god it hurts like a bitch.

i just want more ace content. seeing people positively talking about ace and making things for him makes me feel loved. when people express how much they love ace and dont want him to die, it makes me feel accepted and cared for. 

speaking of acceptance, i can only say this through an anon because i dont feel safe expressing my thoughts and feelings openly. ive been harassed by too many drdt fans for such petty reasons. i just wanna feel safe and liked in this fandom but i cant because i constantly feel like everyone is judging me and talking shit about me. i dont want that. i want people to like me.

theres probably going to be people suggesting for me to not associate myself with drdt (or atleast any ace markey media) for the sake of my own mental health and like.. take a walk or something. and while i do agree with you 100%, i kinda cant. drdt is my only hyperfixation atm. ive been obsessed with it for over a year now! most hyperfixations last only a year. i dont know how to stop thinking about ace's possible death, especially with episode 16 coming up in a few days. its really not as easy as you guys think it is. im not choosing to feel like this, i promise. (SENDING IN MULTIPLE PARTS BECAUSE IT KEEPS SAYING "We’re sorry. There was an error processing your post. tumblr")

.

[mostlycorrectdipandpip]

Let's talk about dnptwt

Ok, I created this little shit-posting blog to connect with other phannies and get back into this comfy little fandom. Along with this, I started connecting with dnptwt on my main account. I don't like getting involved in drama, especially when it revolves around blatant racisim, homophobia, transphobia, genocide sympathizers, etc, but I feel like it needs to be said here. I am only going to speak on this once, but if you have questions on my experience or just want to call me out, feel free to message or anonymously inbox me, that is your right as I am posting this openly and publicly.

Dnptwt is NOT a safe place. I genuinely believe that the internet is not a safe place. I wish that it was because access to the internet has become so common and widespread. People can connect on so many levels and share their experiences, but EVERYONE can do it. Republican, democrat, gay, straight, conversative, liberal. EVERYONE. But, over the last few months, dnptwt has become so negative and toxic. Every day someone is being called out for their behavior and, many times, the calling out is warranted. They have said or done something that they need to be called out on. It's the aftermath and the snowballing afterwards that has gotten out of hand.

I am a very positive person. I believe that everyone, at anytime in their lives, can learn and grow and change. We are constantly learning new things and having new experiences. When people say something hateful or negative or they participate in something bad or that you don't agree with, you have every right to call them out on it. Point out the hateful and negative behavior, but just because someone does or says something doesn't mean that they are irredeemable. Spitting hateful rhetoric and being hateful towards people is the exact kind of thing that we want to stop and correct. So when you call someone out for something, call them out and see if they take the initiative to learn or change before you start an unyielding bullying campaign against them. You can choose how you react to that person, if you believe them, and if you want to continue to interact with them. That is your right as a social media user. But to start a campaign where you tell everyone that someone is disgusting and irredeemable before giving them a chance to reflect, relearn, and respond is absolutely crazy.

At the end of the day, what I am trying to say is that in order for people to grow, they need to learn. In order for someone to genuinely apologize, they need to learn what they have done wrong and find it in themselves to change, but this isn't something that someone can do overnight. And it isn't something someone can do while they are being attacked from all sides. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to say how they feel and why it makes them feel that way for someone to realize that they have made a mistake.

I'll call myself out for y'all to get what I mean. I grew up in a very conservative household. I grew up in a household that sprayed hateful rhetoric and had terribly homophobic and racist beliefs. It wasn't until someone in middle school called me out for it. It wasn't nice or sugar coated, just a direct interaction. I dealt with some fallout for sure, but over the rest of that year, I took the opportunity to learn and change how I acted, how I talked, and how I spoke to my classmates and I was able to repair alot of burned bridges and become a more well rounded person.

I fear everyday that the hate I used to spread and the negativity I once had will come back to bite me. I would have to answer for those actions, and I would, and I would have to prove to people that I have changed (and I have). But with the kind of environment that dnptwt has become, I would be shunned, shamed, categorized and irredeemable, and tossed to the side without being able to reflect, relearn, and respond.

This environment is unacceptable. And it is something that I will no longer be taking part in. Give people the space to be wrong, to fail, and to make right.

Just getting this out has helped me feel a little bit better, am I am sure that this will end up on dnptwt and I'll get doused in their hate and vitriol, but to stand silent and watch more and more people who just need some time to get educated and learn would have made me feel so bad. I'm taking some time to reflect on my own actions and time spent on twitter, learn about ways that I can better use my time and energy, and will respond again if I feel it necessary, but I think I've said my piece.

[queen-breha-organa]

I wanted to briefly come back online and discuss the WGA and, in turn, the current writer's strike.

I know my opinion matters very little, and I don’t consider myself an expert or a valuable voice in this matter. However, since I talk about Star Wars a lot, I wanted to discuss the strike because these things go hand in hand. I think it’s unfair to ignore the real-world circumstances that shape the media you enjoy. Knowing the context of something is important. And beyond that, this situation has just been on my mind, and I wanted to express my thoughts somewhere. 

Firstly, all workers should be paid living wages. All workers deserve to be treated fairly and compensated fairly. All workers deserve safe, productive, and fair working environments—end of story.

I’ve been seeing a lot of jokes along the lines of “I didn’t even know media had writers these days,” and while I understand the joke and the potential humor in it, I feel like it’s important to realize that this is entirely why the WGA is striking in the first place.

The writer’s rooms are shrinking. Writers are being overworked. Writers are being underpaid. Writers are being dismissed and undercut. These factors lead to poorly written and poorly managed shows because the individuals who write the bones of the shows are exhausted and burdened by corporate interference, unreasonable deadlines (especially in animation), unfair wages, and stale corporate agendas.

Additionally, these writers often aren’t given the opportunity to oversee or manage their writing while it’s being filmed. Instead, companies are acting as if the writing process ends before the filming process so that they can shorten the writer's contracts and pay them less. However, in actuality, the writing process is often most valuable during the filming process. 

Some things work on paper but don’t work on the day. Maybe the joke doesn’t land, or an actor can’t deliver the line as intended. Writers are needed on set to rework and revise these lines, so the process can run smoother without sacrificing story and believability. Now some actors are incredible at improvising and can make these things work. However, overall, without writers on set, you usually end up with awkward/stiff dialogue or scenes that make no sense. Writing doesn’t stop in the writers' room.

Another massive force driving this strike is the evolution of streaming services. 

With “traditional” tv reruns, the network airing the media has to purchase the viewing rights of the episode or the show. This money is then extended to the people who worked on the show in the form of residuals. It makes sense. Something you worked on makes money, so in turn, you get money. 

However, streaming services have broken this mold by allowing consumers to watch whatever media whenever they want. Streaming services claim that it is no longer possible to pay residuals for these shows since they don’t know how often or when the shows are being watched. This is a lie.

Companies will brag privately in shareholder's meetings and publicly in articles about streaming shows that have done well. We’ll read headlines like “Stranger Things’ Was Most-Streamed TV Show in 2022” or “‘Star Wars’ vs. Marvel: Which Disney+ Shows Are Most-Viewed.” These articles and the data within them prove it is possible to know how frequently shows/movies are being watched on streaming services. Still, companies are only willing to shell out this information for bragging rights and not for fair payments.

In 2021, Disney CEO Bob Chapk earned $32 million. In contrast, the WGA website states, “Median weekly writer-producer pay has declined 4% over the last decade. Adjusting for inflation, the decline is 23%.” These writers are merely asking for 3%, while CEOs are given the moon.

This is unacceptable.

If you’re reading this post, if you’re on Tumblr and engaging with fandoms enough to have this post written by me, a Star Wars blog, circulate on your feed, media writing has affected your life. Writers have impacted you and your daily routine and hobbies. 

You should care about this strike. You should be supporting this strike. 

We all want our favorite shows to come back, we all want to reunite with our favorite characters, and we all want to see their stories, their triumphs, and their struggles. 

But the real people behind these stories and behind these characters are far more important than any fictional narrative. 

These writers have crafted the worlds and stories we love, and by supporting them, we can return the favor and craft a better world for them too.

[amnyatas]

Wasn't sure where to reply to the post about there not being enough content about the Guild Wars 2 ladies but I will say for me personally, I definitely do tend to prefer playing with, fantasizing about, my male characters more. My experience irl as a woman has been in some areas traumatizing, or there's been a lot of shame associated with concepts I wanted to explore as a character, for example: fighting, sex, being ugly, getting hurt. It feels safer or more comfortable with a male character because it provides a kind of distance that allows me to explore and experiment with feelings and ideas that may not feel safe or open to me as a woman with certain experiences.

Further more, it's hard to identify with Guild Wars 2 female characters, as non of them are allowed to be ugly. Middle age does not exist visually in Guild Wars 2 for (human looking) women, nor do torn ears and split lips. They can't be fat, or even particularly muscular - even if they are a war marshal. You can't look monstrous without it coming across as some kind of joke either. There is a kind of unreality, or an over idealization of female characters in mmorpgs whether it's a lack of customization options, or a lack of down to earth female characters. It always leaves me feeling like they're still forgetting their female player base sometimes. Still, I do have female characters. I keep them pretty private because they feel more personal I guess. I'll try to make more effort to share them.

i really don't even know where to start here but i'll do my best.

i think in general i wasn't clear enough, i don't mean the game is misogynist at its core(or that it isn't), i don't even mean individuals are for the most part, i mean little things like that add up and then we have discourse like people shitting on Eir for being a bad mom (on a poll with Cadeucus like. hello?), but being wholly lenient on Rytlock for being in a similar situation where he was far less responsible. Or Caithe being hated eternally for her egg-tastrophe vs Canach's vigilante streak being widely ignored or joked about.

really, its got nothing to do with personal trauma, i can't tell you how to deal with that and if your way is good or bad for you or anyone else. i had someone approach me because they saw their bad relationship with their mother in Eir and admitted they were taking out personal frustration on a fictional character. we all have issues and hangups and ways of dealing with it, that's not the issue, the issue is if it starts affecting how we treat others because of it.

you don't have to sit and try to appease the criticism i make either, just...think about it?

like honestly bringing up womens' appearance ingame is a valid point if it were actually related to what i was saying, but also none of the men in gw2 are really fat either. its a problem persistent in the wider video game industry, not just gw2--i'm talking specifically about the gw2 fandom on tumblr, and my experiences here. which i'm finding i'm not alone in feeling this way, and its kind of frustrating to have an ask like this show up, missing the point and making it personal. its really not about anyone specific!

maybe i wasn't clear enough but its not a gw2-only problem. its the same thing that happens in every fandom. which doesn't make it right, it just...goes unspoken about and it makes people feel like no one cares.

just asking folks to think about where their biases lie, and hell, not even to stop at how they think about fictional women, keep asking yourself if your hatred or dislike or boredom with a character is because you genuinely feel that way or if you have some internalized things that you maybe need to work through.

[anarchy-and-piglins]

you want c!techno take asks so can i ask for your insight in the take that c!techno was the shitty one in c!bedrock bros because he... i'm not entirely sure what the argument is tbh just the way some people bend over backwards to make c!tommy leaving him alone in a crowd of enemies seem not like a shitty move

I feel like the insistence some people have that you should take a 'side' in the bedrockbros relationship is part of this weirdly prevalent trend now in some fandoms - and especially in dsmp - that every single relationship that goes bad has to have a 'victim' and an 'abuser'.

(Sometimes not in those specific terms, though I've certainly seen enough people call c!Techno abusive towards c!Tommy. But sometimes people just call it like, a good guy and a bad guy. Like they need to put the blame somewhere, and it's usually not with their own guy because their blorbo is perfect (part of a second, also very prevalent trend in fandom these days, where people seem incapable of viewing their favourite character as having any flaws, and thus they jump through hoops to excuse everything they do as perfect or flawless. Very common for a specific flavour of c!Tommy enjoyer indeed.))

The time between the failed Butcher Army execution and Doomsday was literally a low point for c!Techno, he himself talks about this afterward with the Syndicate and stuff. Emotionally and mentally this man was Going Through It (tm). So I don't doubt there are some aspects of the whole bedrockbros post-exile relationship he should have done differently. Though that hardly makes him a bad person, it just means he's imperfect and doing his best and also traumatized and trying to do what he felt was right. I'm very biased in siding with Techno because he's my fav but also because I just actually agree that he's right a lot of the time, kekw. And he genuinely did his best to offer Tommy shelter and make him feel safe while also not pushing any boundaries (and also Tommy straight up refusing to share a bunch of shit. Which is understandable from Tommy's side in context, but since Techno is not a mind reader, I really don't like how some inniters act as if Techno was supposed to act upon information he literally didn't have). While also meanwhile sticking to his morals and trying to ensure the continued safety of himself and his closest friend.

Like, at the end of the day, the bedrockbros relationship post-exile fell apart because it was a relationship of convenience and their goals and wants didn't end up compatible. And that's fine, honestly.

The part where Tommy's behaviour becomes somewhat shitty to me is at the Green Festival itself. Him deciding to switch sides and rejoin L'Manburg is not even the shitty part. It's the sort of thing that, especially in context of who c!Tommy is as a person and what makes him tick, makes sense, and it's the right thing to do for him, even if Techno feels hurt by it (which, see what I mean that characters can do things that hurt others or are maybe less than ideal, but that doesn't make them terrible people?)

The parts of Tommy's behaviour that I find shitty are:

1) Tommy stealing Techno's axe. Like, okay, I've posted about this before, but it will never stop bugging me that Techno gave Tommy the axe of peace specifically as a temporary thing and he wanted it back (the axe was important to Techno and he spent a lot of time on it) and then when Tommy decided to fuck Techno over by switching sides in the middle of a high tension situation (which, again, I don't blame Tommy for switching sides necessarily but doing it in the middle of an encounter with enemy forces threatening Techno was a little dickish of him), Techno asked for it back in a very calm, non-angry manner and Tommy's response was basically "lol, no". Like ??? That's just straight up theft, I don't care how much you like Tommy, that's shitty. That's a shitty thing to do! Even if it did end up giving us the peerpressureduo 'ranboo gifting techno an axe' arc that was peak

2) Tommy not really caring about what happens to Techno after switching sides. This is kinda tied into the thing I said above, about Tommy really picking the most terrible timing to betray Techno. But his general lack of care for Techno's wellbeing there - especially after Techno just promised to fight an angry mob for him - where Tommy does not at least try to dissuade them from killing Techno, or bothers to express any concern that Techno can make it out alive, also bugs me. Like, I know Tommy had a lot on his mind but him not seeming to care much if Techno is ganged up on and murdered, right after taking one of Techno's weapons AND after basically getting all his armour and shelter and potions and food from Techno, just feels like a major dick move.

I don't know what specifically the inniters are saying Techno did wrong at the Green Festival so if you know, feel free to enlighten me and I'll reply (though I'm assuming a lot of it is bollocks anyway. It's mainly some variant of 'Techno was mean to Tommy by not completely forsaking his own moral compass and agreeing with everything Tommy did ever, and also for having emotions :(')

[fandomgirlz01]

This Can’t Be The End Pt. 4

Nick Stokes X Reader

Imagine on my fandom Instagram?: No  

Prompt or Request or Requested Prompt?: No

Style of Writing: Series 

Rating: PG-13 ~ For fluff and cuteness, but more adult commentary or even some triggering content.

Edited: Yes

Word count: 5,812

Post Date & Time: August 4th 2024 at 11: 44 PM

Ko-fi

Masterlist

Warnings here

Listen to the story be read out loud here {coming soon}.  

Summary: Based off of S5 Es24 & 25 When Nick gets kidnapped, the reader is forced to fear the worst for her husband as she and the team work the case with hopes of bringing him home safe. 

Y/n’s Pov:

My eyes shoot open and I immediately sit up. I frown when I see where I am, not fully remembering how I got here. Thinking over where I remember being last, I deduce that Warrick must have brought me in here after I fell asleep. 

“Did you hear they thought they found Nick only for it to actually be a dog?” Isadora, one of the other team members, asks as she leans into another from her team. 

“No. What kind of dog was it?” Marcela questions in an interested tone as they keep talking like they don’t know I’m here. 

“It was a Dalmatian. I hear Warrick's going over the box now,” Isadora continues on and I just listen as carefully as I can. 

“Did the dog survive?” Marcela asks and Isadora shakes her head. 

“Awe, that's sad. Poor dog. People are so cruel nowadays,” Marcela croons and Isadora nods. 

“Yeah. Apparently Warrick lost it,” Marcela comments as she takes a sip of her drink and Isadora shrugs. 

“I mean, can you blame him? That’s his team member out there,” Isadora comments back. 

“Yeah, his sexy team mate,” Marcela adds on with a bounce of her eyebrows and I roll my eyes. 

“Marcela, dear. He’s married,” Isadora tells her with a raised eyebrow and small chuckle of amusement. 

“Doesn’t mean I can’t like him from afar,” Marcela comments with a shrug and Isadora laughs. 

“I’m pretty sure it means that you can’t, but what about Warrick? He’s pretty hot too,” Isadora asks and Marcela waves her off. 

“He's married too, remember? Not to mention he’s got a temper. Guys with tempers aren’t always good to have around,” Marcela explains and I roll my eyes again. 

Finally I can’t take it anymore, not wanting to hear people gossip about how hot my husband or brother figure is when Nick’s out there somewhere, fighting to come home to me. I push myself up off the couch and hear gasps, making me turn to look at the two women before me. They each give me sorrowful yet horrified looks. 

“Oh my gosh. Y/n, we are so sorry. We didn’t know you were there,” Isadora apologizes and I shrug ‘as if that makes it better that you were just gossiping about me… and the people who matter most to me,’ I think as I hold back a roll of my eyes. 

“It’s fine, really. Uhh, I’m going to find Warrick. Do you know what lab he’s in?” I ask, starting to fidget as an uncomfortable feeling washes over me. 

“Oh, yeah. I think I heard he’s in lab 345,” Isadora answers me and I nod. 

“Thanks. I’ll, uhh, see you girls around,” I reply as I give them a small wave before turning and leaving in search of Warrick. 

For the millionth time in the last few days I find myself walking down all the many hallways again. I walk past every lab as I look for the one that Warrick supposedly is in. I pass each lab and look at each number of labs before coming to a stop in front of 345. 

When I come to a stop I see Warrick inside working on a big clear plexiglass box. With a sigh, I open the door and walk in as he continues to work. I watch him for a few minutes as he picks a few parts up and inspects them. 

After a few minutes, I walk over to him and hug him from behind. He tenses for a moment before turning around and hugging me back. 

“What’s up, mamas?” he asks and I blink back a few tears. 

“I overheard a few of the others talking about what happened while I was asleep. They told me where you were and I came to find you,” I tell him and he sighs, nodding. 

“I swear I came to tell you after it happened, but you finally looked semi-peaceful. You needed the sleep,” he explains and I nod my understanding. 

“Don’t worry, B, I get it. Really. I do,” I promise him and he lets out a puff of air. 

“Good. I thought you were going to be mad at me,” he comments and I purse my lips. 

“Now doesn’t really feel like the time for anger,” I whisper out and he chuckles. 

“Only you. Y/n. Only you. You get angry once, then never again even when you’re going through something bad,” he replies in astonishment and I shrug. 

“Mind if I keep you company while you finish this up? It’s a lot better than hearing all the gossip about my husband,” I try to playfully joke, but it comes out sounding more half-hearted than anything and he sighs. 

“You want me to go tell em’ what for?” he asks and I pause. 

“As nice as that sounds… I’d rather you be here working on trying to find Nicky,” I reply and he smiles softly as I sit down. 

“In that case, hang out here all you want, mamas,” he agrees and I give him a soft thankful smile before he turns around to get back to work. 

He picks over what seems to be the fan that would supply the air once again before taking it apart. He puts down the tube that was connected to it before picking up his flashlight and looking down the opening of the fan itself. Then he takes the tube off of where it’s connected to the box and looks through the hole that was left from removing it. 

“So I, ahh… heard you lost it out there,” I speak up as he moves around the box. 

“Uhh, yeah. You weren’t supposed to know that…” he tells me as he takes the grate off the other side of the hole. 

“It’s ok, you know? It’s ok you lost it,” I sympathize with him as he continues to look over the area of the box. 

“No. It’s not ok. It took time off from finding Nick. I should’ve kept my head level,” he plays it off and I shake my head. 

“Rick. He’s like family to you just as much as he is family to me. It’s understandable that you'd lose it. I mean, I lost it on you earlier,” I again sympathize with him and he sighs as he continues to work on the box. 

“You didn’t exactly lose it, mamas. You got a little angry, there’s a difference,” he dismisses me again and I roll my eyes. 

“I bit your head off. There really isn’t a difference,” I pointedly tell him as I cross my arms and he nods. 

“Ok. Ok. You win,” he reluctantly agrees as he now grabs a battery and starts using the wires connected to the box, trying to see how they hook up. 

Once he has it hooked up, the light turns on as well as the fan. He looks over it as the meter he has connected to it counts up higher and higher. He picks up the fan and looks at it before looking at the meter. 

“Damn it,” he mutters as he puts the fan down with a sigh. 

“What?” I ask him and he pauses. 

“I think we need to find Catherine,” he says and I jump as he walks over to the phone. 

He stands there with the phone to his ear and he waits for her to answer. When she does, he talks to her for a moment before looking over at me and moving the speaker from his mouth. 

“Catherine wants you to go to the computer lab. Says Grissom needs you,” he tells me and I sigh before standing up. 

“I’m on my way,” I tell him as I pass him and he goes back to talking to her. 

Third Person Pov:

Gil, Archie and Sarah sit in the computer lab watching Nick, who now pulls out a recorder and holds it up to mouth to talk into it. Gil, who knows how to read lips, now decides to read Nick’s as he talks. 

“My name is Nick Stokes. If anyone… finds this tape, turn it in to the Las Vegas… PD. There should be a reward…” he starts and Gil watches with sad eyes as he sits up a bit more. 

“Mom. Sisko… y/n….” Gil reads Nick’s lips and decides to start writing what Nick is saying. 

“Hey Sara, would you call Catherine and have her send y/n here?” he asks her as he keeps his eyes focused on what Nick is saying.  

“Yeah. Ok,” Sara agrees as she picks up the phone and calls Catherine. 

“…well, this is a lousy way to say goodbye, but it’s all I got,” Nick continues on and Grissom keeps his eyes trained on the screen as he writes. 

“I love you. You raised me right… and I’m going to miss you,” Nick says into the recorder, getting choked up with every word. 

“Y/n. I’m so sorry I can’t be with you, sweetheart, and our future child. I love you most and I’ll miss you the most too. P… promise me you’ll go on that trip I promised you, even if I’m not there to take it with you. Promise me you’ll find someone to look after you…” Nick goes on saying his goodbyes, only getting more choked up and stuttering every few minutes. 

As he goes on, Grissom’s eyes widen at the mention of a child, but he quickly plays it off.

“As for the rest of you guys. I know you did the best you could to find me and get me home to my beautiful wife,” he continues on as Grissom continues to read his lips. 

“Grissom…” he starts and that’s when Grissom stops writing it down, focusing on what he’s saying to him. 

“No, you never did, Nick,” Grissom sighs as he replies to Nick out loud. 

He continues to watch as Nick cries, but soon he starts to freak out. Grissom watches carefully as confusion washes over him. 

“He’s going into convolutions. He’s losing it!” Sara comments just as y/n walks in. 

Y/n walks over to Grissom, who spares her a quick look before watching alongside her as Nick seems to be thrashing around. Y/n lets out a breath as she closes her eyes, not being able to watch it anymore. 

“What’s going on?!” Sara voices her exact thoughts as they continue to watch. 

“Wha…?” Grissom goes to ask, but pauses when he sees it. 

“Wait a minute…” he says in realization as he picks up his mouse to zoom in on Nick. 

“Ants…” Grissom confirms what he zooms in on, making y/n open her eyes. 

“My God, he’s being eaten alive,” Grissom observes as they all watch the ants in the box with him. 

Together they all watch in sadness as he withers around, just trying anything to get the ants away and not succeeding. He pulls a glove out of his pocket and uses it to stuff up his nose. 

“That’s it, Nicky… stay still… they won’t bite. As much,” Grissom proudly says before looking up at y/n. 

“I have something for you,” he tells the girl and she arches an eyebrow. 

He folds up the paper and hands it to her, making more confusion wash over her. He smiles softly and reassuringly at her. 

“These ants could help us find him, but in the meantime, I think you should hear what he had to say to you,” Grissom tells her as he sets a reassuring hand on her shoulder. 

“T…Thanks,” she whispers out as she takes the paper before turning to leave and head back to Warrick. 

“Oh and y/n. Congratulations,” he replies, making her turn around and look at him. 

He gives her a small knowing smile and she can’t help but to just smile back. She gives him a small ‘thank you,’ in response with a nod before fully turning and walking back to where she’d left Warrick. 

Y/n’s Pov: 

I start back to the lab Warrick is in before making a split second decision to go into the locker room instead. I quickly look around just to make sure I’m alone and when I find that I am I sigh as I take a seat on the bench. I hold the paper Grissom gave me and I go to open it, but pause. 

I take a deep breath before trying to open it again, but again I fail. Tears of frustration make their way to my face and I sigh as I try to hold them back. With one last puff of air, I open the paper to read over it. 

“My name is Nick Stokes. If anyone… finds this tape, turn it in to the Las Vegas… PD. There should be a reward…” is the first line I read and a gasp leaves my lips.

“Mom. Sisko… y/n….” Is the next line and a tear falls as I suck in a breath. 

I quickly close the paper for a moment as more and more tears build up. I take a moment to let my tears fall before reopening the paper and continuing on with sniffles. 

“…well, this is a lousy way to say goodbye, but it’s all I got,” I read and a choked sound leaves my throat as I put my other hand over my mouth. 

“I love you. You raised me right… and I’m going to miss you,” more tears fall as my lip starts to tremble and I take another pause before starting to read again. 

“Y/n. I’m so sorry I can’t be with you, sweetheart, and our future child. I love you most and I’ll miss you the most too. P… promise me you’ll go on that trip I promised you even if I’m not there to take it with you. Promise me you’ll find someone to look after you…” by the end I’m fully sobbing as I hold the paper close to my chest. 

I sit there for a good few minutes before sobering up and wiping at my face. I sigh softly before getting up from the bench and standing in front of my locker. I pause a moment as I look at Nick’s locker that Grissom so nicely assigned right next to mine on our first day.

I quickly shake my head and bite my lip before opening my locker. I set the note lightly on the shelf and stand frozen for a moment before closing it. With a very heavy breath, I open Nick’s locker. 

It’s then I let out another very harsh breath when I see the sonogram he has tucked under his jeans:

I read the top where Nick had nicely written out: baby Stokes 9 weeks with a small smiley face. I quickly slide it back under and close the locker. With another heavy sigh, I walk over to the sink and wash my face with cold water. 

“He’ll be home. He will be,” I whisper down to my stomach before standing straight again. 

I look myself over and sigh once more before walking out of the locker room. I walk back to where I had left Warrick and find Greg, Catherine, and Hodges in the room with him. 

“This has got to be a prototype. It was probably built to test how long he could keep somebody alive inside,” Catherine observes out loud as she walks around the box with her flashlight. 

“Hi, mamas. You doing ok?” Warrick asks me when he sees me come up next to him. 

I keep quiet with my arms wrapping themselves around my stomach and I shake my head. Warrick finally catches sight of my eyes and sighs before pulling me into his side. 

“Now, what are those?” Hodges questions as he bends down and points to something underneath the box, making Greg, who’s under it, pause to look at him. 

“I don’t know,” Greg replies and Hodges seems to understand that it was a stupid question as he stands up. 

“All right,” Warrick speaks up, getting all of our attention as he straightens up a bit, keeping me in a side hug. 

“Based on this battery and what’s running off of it,” Warrick starts to explain, but pauses for a moment as if thinking over how to explain it better while glancing at me as he hesitates. 

“And the fact that we kept the damn light on for as long as we did,” he continues to explain, pausing again as he takes in a big breath. 

“I figure Nick’s got another 90 minutes left in there,” he concludes and I take in a harsh breath as reality slowly starts to set in even more. 

It goes quiet for a moment, but Warrick lifts his arm with his watch and pulls it up past my face to set it with the hand he has around my neck still. He pulls it away and I see the watch says 1:30 on it. 

“So this is it… I’m going to lose my husband…” I whisper out before sinking to the floor, but Warrick quickly grabs hold of me, slowing me down so I don’t hurt myself. 

“No, no. We’re going to find him, mamas. I promised. When do I not keep my promises?” Warrick asks, but I don’t reply as I shake my head in denial and a million thoughts fly through my head. 

“Y/n. Hey. Y/n. It’s going to be okay!” Catherine shouts a bit and it’s only then I realize I’m having a panic attack. 

“Damn, she’s having a panic attack. Greg, go get some water, Hodges, go inform Grissom,” Catherine commands before she bends down in front of me. 

Both Greg and Hodges nod, eyes wide with worry before rushing out. Warrick now sits with my back against his side as I try to breathe. 

“Ok. Y/n. Honey, breath with me,” she commands me softly as she shows me how to breathe. 

“Ok. In… and out… just like that,” she couches me and my breath starts to slow down, but still not where it should be. 

“Ok. I’m going to have you do the five senses, ok?” she asks me softly and I nod at her. 

“Ok. What do you feel?” she questions and she holds up her hand for me. 

“I… I… I feel your hand a…a..and Warrick behind m…m…me,” I stutter out and she nods with a small smile. 

“Good. Good. Now what do you see?” she asks and I look around. 

“I see that evil b…b…box,” I tell her and she nods. 

“Ok… bad place to ask that. Let’s just move on. What do you hear?” she asks and I shake my head, closing my eyes. 

“I h…hear you and Warrick,” I tell her and she nods encouragingly when I reopen my eyes. 

“Ok. Now taste,” she inquires and my eyebrows knit together. 

“Umm, nothing. I haven’t eaten anything for a while,” I tell her in confusion and she just smiles at me. 

“Panic attack averted. Here, drink this,” she comments as she holds a water out to me and it’s only then I realize Greg had come back. 

“Thank you guys,” I tell them and they all smile softly at me. 

“Anytime y-” Catherine starts, but she gets cut off when Hodges comes rushing back in. 

Nick’s Pov:

♪ It was Christmas in Las Vegas, 

when the locals take the town ♪

♪ Theresa hit a streak And laid her waitress apron down She’d been playing penny poker over at the old gold spike she’s won at Texas hold ‘em So she switched to let it ride ♪

I sing softly to myself to try and keep calm. Thinking of the lyrics rather than the situation I’m in and how much y/n must be scared. 

The singing doesn’t get my mind off of things for long and soon I find myself thinking of just getting home again. I think about just wanting to sit and watch a movie from the red box with y/n again. I’m soon pulled from my thoughts though when there’s a shifting sound. 

I grab another one of the glow sticks and pop it, making it come to life as the creaking noise gets louder. 

“Hey! I’m, in here!” I yell out as I hit the plexiglass in hopes that I’m being saved. 

“Hey!” I continue to yell, my voice cracking as I keep hitting the plexiglass. 

♪ It was Christmas in Las Vegas, 

when the locals take the town ♪

♪ Theresa hit a streak And laid her waitress apron down… ♪

I start to sing as loudly as I can again, but my breath slowly fails and my head falls back down as I realize nobody’s here. It’s only a few minutes later when a loud crack sound starts and I see the plexiglass start to crack slowly up the sides of the box. I keep the glow stick low as I breathe hard while watching it crack more and more. 

“Stop… no, no,” I whisper out as I put my hand up to the plexiglass. 

“Oh, my God,” I whisper out in fear the more it cracks with no signs of stopping. Soon dirt starts to break those and my feet are under a mountain of it.

Third Person Pov: 

Once the ant crawls farther into view Grissom hits the print button and as soon as the picture of the screen prints he’s ripping it off the printer. Gil quickly rushes to his office and looks through all the books he has. Soon he’s pulling one from the shelf and flips through it till it lands on the page he’s looking for. 

He pauses when he thinks he’s found it before picking up the screen shot to look at the ant again. 

“Solenopsis invicta,” Grissom says out loud to himself as he confirms what kind of ant it is. 

Y/n’s Pov: 

“Grissom’s got something. He wants us all in evidence meeting room 4 now,” he rushes out as he stands against the door frame, panting for air. 

“We’re on our way. Warrick, you got her?” Catherine asks as she looks behind me. 

“Yeah. Yeah. Go. We’ll meet you guys there,” he promises and she nods before reaching out for me. 

I grab her hand and she gives mine a firm squeeze. She gives a tight lipped smile before getting up and heading out of the lab. Greg bends down and puts a hand on my shoulder. 

“Hang in there, y/n. Nick’s coming home,” he tells me as he squeezes my shoulder before getting up to follow Hodges and Catherine. 

Warrick sits with me for a moment as I continue to just calm down. Once my breathing is fully back to normal, Warrick gets up. 

“Ok. Slowly. Slowly,” Warrick tells me as he helps me up alongside him. 

“Thank you, B…” I say when we’re both standing and I squeeze his forearm as I give him a light smile. 

“Anytime, mamas. You know that,” he tells me as he smiles back at me. 

I sigh and hold a hand to my head as I start to feel a little tired. Warrick chuckles lightly, making me look up at him in confusion. 

“Tired?” he asks me and I huff at his obvious jokeful tone. 

“I’m beat, but I’m not sleeping till Nick’s right next to me,” I answer his question and he smiles, shaking his head. 

“I wouldn’t have guessed or suggested anything else, mamas,” he tells me as he holds his hands up in surrender, making me finally laugh for the first time since all of this happened. 

“Oh please, you so would have,” I comment with a roll of my eyes and he chuckles. 

“Maybe I would have, maybe not. Come on. Let’s go find your husband,” he tells me and I smile up at him as he wraps an arm around my shoulder. 

Together we walk to meet up with everyone else in evidence room 4. They all rush around getting stuff ready and just Warrick and I walk in, Grissom rushes in. Warrick and I stand off to the side as he keeps his arm around me. 

“They’re fire ants, very rare in Nevada. They don’t like our soil. The only places you find them around Vegas are in plant and tree nurseries,” Grissom announces as he walks around the table to where Catherine is sitting at a computer. 

Warrick lets go of me before making me sit in the chair Catherine just abandoned. He starts to look at a stack of papers Catherine just printed and crosses off places not in the search grid. 

“There’s 11 nurseries in the greater Las Vegas area!” Catherine adds on what she found from a quick search. 

“Okay, I’ve got the webcam trace down to here,” Archie speaks next as he circles the area he narrowed it down to on the map and Warrick starts crossing things off his list. 

“And the data from the black box in Walter Gordon’s truck gave us a 23-mile travel radius,” Greg adds on as he too circles his findings on the map, making the circles overlap ever so slightly. 

“Okay, I’ve got two nurseries within the overlap area. Here! And here!” Warrick announces as he walks up to the table and draws two x’s over the spots. 

“Wait. Wait. Wait. Wait. Kelly Gordon, the daughter, worked with plants,” Sara explains and we all look at her.

“Hold on. Hold on,” Sara says before she rushes out of the room, making us all wait about a minute before she comes running back in with a file in her hand. 

“Hey guys, Nick is here,” she says as she points to the x on the left that Warrick had drawn. 

“Well, pack up everyone, let’s go! I’ll call the owner and talk to him on the way,” Grissom exclaims and I jump up as everyone starts rushing out of the room. 

“Hey. Maybe you should stay here,” Warrick tells me and I immediately shake my head. 

“If you think for one minute that I’m sitting back here while you all go find my husband, you're dead wrong, B,” I reply and he sighs as he pinches the bridge of his nose. 

“Mama, we don’t know what-” he starts but gets cut off. 

“Let her come, Warrick. She’s allowed to,” Grissom interrupts with a soft smile my way. 

“What! But-” Warrick starts, but stops when Grissom just nods at him. 

“Ok… fine. At least wear your vest? Just in case,” Warrick tells me and I nod at him. 

“If it’ll make you feel better for me too, I will. I’ll meet you at your car,” I promise him with a firm nod before rushing off to the locker room. 

Once in the locker room, I come to stop in front of my locker and quickly open it. I grab my vest out before slamming it shut once again. I quickly strap my vest around me before rushing back out of the locker room and down the many, many hallways. 

I rush out into the parking garage and I stop to watch as Grissom and Sara drive past me with their cars' emergency lights on. Once they pass, I run over to Warrick's car and hop into the passenger side. He quickly turns his lights on before pulling out of the parking space. 

Soon before I know it, we’re pulling up on location and I see that almost half our police fleet are here, making relief wash over me as sirens blare all around me. Grissom’s car is just in front of us and I hold on as Warrick takes the turn into the nursery drive. We follow Grissom all the way up the drive and come to a stop next to his car. 

Grissom gets out of his car and I yank my seatbelt off to follow after him. He meets up with the owner at the front of his car just as I come up beside him. 

“You said on the phone you had a fire ant mound. Where is it?” he asks as he and the owner get close to one another. 

“People usually prefer to stay away from it,” the owner comments as he turns and starts to lead us all over to it. We all stop pointing our flashlights at the mound as Grissom stops and looks at it for a moment. 

“All right, look. Fan out. Look for loose soil. Anything that might’ve been dug up recently,” Grissom commands and we all rush off. 

We all fan out like he said, officers all going in different directions. I stick by Warrick as we walk briskly while searching the ground with our lights. Everyone looks for a few minutes, but nothing seems remotely the littlest bit off. 

“Hey! I’m picking up the webcam transmitter!” We hear Catherine yell out and I look at Warrick. 

“She’s got something! Move, move!” An officer yells out and I smile. 

“We found him, B… we really found him,” I excitedly say and Warrick smiles, nodding. 

“Come on, mama. We’re close,” he agrees with a smile as we both pick up and start to jog to where Catherine is. 

Soon we come up behind her and she slows down to look around. We slow down too and help in looking around with our lights. She turns to her left and continues walking until she almost trips over something, making her turn back. 

She turns around and shines her light on what she tripped on, only to find a tube sticking out of the ground. She pauses a moment before turning and walking a little further only to find another tube. Her monitor picks up in its beeping and I look at Warrick as she bends down to the ground. 

She drops her light and the monitor before she starts to dig around frantically with her hands. She finds what seems to be a clear bag of sorts and she rips off her glove, making it fall back to the floor. 

“This is it!! I found it!!” she screams out as she scrambles to pick the bag back up and open it. 

“It’s here! I found it! This is it!” she screams out again as she looks over the remote. 

“Nick!” she shouts into the pipe as everyone else races over to us. 

“Nick… we’re here. We’re all here! Hang on! Nicky!” she shouts into the pipe as officers run over with shovels and Warrick takes one. 

They all start to shovel at the ground and Catherine wraps an arm around me as she holds her flashlight up with the other. We all watch with bated breath as they continue to pull dirt from the earth. 

Nick’s Pov: 

“Nicky!” I think I hear Catherine, but decide it’s just my mind playing tricks on me for the millionth time. 

I feel more and more of the ants biting at me and I groan as my heart starts to pound harder. I close my eyes, but open them when there’s a click sound. It’s then I see Doc Robbins and David looking down at me before he sighs and shakes his head in sorrow. 

“It’s a damn shame they didn’t get to him sooner,” Robbins says as he continues to look down at me. 

“I sure will miss him,” David comments and it’s quiet for a moment. 

“You know, David, I’ve seen fire ant bites in my time, but never anything like this,” Robbins tells David as he lifts my hand to inspect it. 

“Do you think he suffered?” David asks as he cocks his head to the side. 

“Do I think he suffered?” Doc Robbins parrots before pausing. 

“Yes. Definitely,” he finishes and I try to yell, but nothing will come out. 

I close my eyes before opening them again to the sound of laughter. I watch as they still stand over me, laughing. 

“All right, on three,” Robbins says before pausing. 

“Uno…” David starts off. “Dos…” Robbins jumps in. Tres!” They both yell out and all of a sudden Bob Newworth starts to play. 

“All right. Would you care to do the ‘y’ incision?” Robbins asks David and there's an audible shing sound. 

“Well ‘y’ not?” David asks as he takes the meat cleaver that passed over me and all I can do is watch. 

There’s a few audible crack sounds and a lot of slouchy sounds before Doc Robbins is getting out a chainsaw. He puts the chainsaw down before looking back at me. There’s another crack as he rips my ribs from my body only to toss them aside. 

“He won’t be needing this anymore,” he comments as he passes my liver to David. 

“Nice!” he says as he pulls more from my body and my eyebrows knit together in confusion. 

“A lung,” Doc Robbins says as he passes that over me to David as well. 

Then all of a sudden my father stands over me across from Doc Robbins. He clasps his hands and gives a deadpan look.  

“So Doc… how did my son die? Anaphylactic shock?” he asks Doc Robbins, who chuckles. 

“No, no, he didn’t live long enough for that. COD was asphyxiation,” Doc Robbins answers in a very cheerful tone. 

“Oh!” My dad says in almost awe and I just watch on in confusion. 

“When the blood oxygen drops to less than 16% and the CO2 builds up there’s a rapid loss of consciousness. Death within minutes. With no disfiguring physical findings,” Doc Robbins explains in a cheery tone. 

“He’ll look great at the funeral,” my father comments with no hint of sadness in his voice. “Oh. Yes,” Robbins agrees. 

“His mother will appreciate that as well as his wife,” my father comments again and Robbins gives a small “good” In response. 

Robbins then reaches into my open chest and rips my heart out. He holds it up and it sounds like it’s still beating. 

“Your son had a good heart,” Robbins says before slapping it down into my fathers hand. 

Suddenly my eyes fly open and find I’m still in the box with ants still crawling all over me. I let out the smallest puff of air as I fight the feeling of the ants biting me. I close my eyes again and try to think of something, anything more pleasant. My mind wanders and I see an image of me at a counter holding a little girl:

“I love you Daddy,” she whispers into my ear as she lays her head against my shoulder and I lay mine against hers. My eyes fly open once more and more tears fall as my lip trembles my fight to get out renewed. 

To Be Continued…

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[majaloveschris]

Hi Maja, I definitely feel the same way everything is different in this fandom, there was a time when it was fun talking about Chris or even gossip about him or his projects but now it's crazy, people attacking and insulting each other, critizing with hatred it's just awful. But I must admit what bothers me the most is how Chris has changed and not in a good way and it's not because he's married Alba whether people believe it's real or not, it feels like the person he showed over the years was fake and never really existed, he stopped being that man who seemed so down to earth, to care about important issues, now he's like every man in Hollywood so frivolous and apathetic, anyways I wanna say thank you for always being respectful.

It is awful, and it is sad to see that some people can't even express their opinions because others will immediately attack them. None of us knows for sure what goes behind the scenes, and those who say they do (if they don't have any evidence) are, in my opinion, lying about it. I think we all should be capable of having normal conversations about this situation, even if we don't see eye to eye. I think some people take this whole thing way too "seriously," but we have to acknowledge that, after all, the nature of their relationship doesn't have that huge an effect on our lives. Would it be a bummer if they were truly married? Considering Alba and her friends' behavior, yes, it would be. But it won't be the end of the world. We all have very real lives outside of this, and I know a lot of people really loved and respected him, and he was a safe place for a lot of us, but whatever this whole thing turns out to be, life goes on and we have to accept it.

I get what you say, and it definitely feels like there was a huge shift. He isn't that active anymore; he doesn't tweet or post on Instagram, he doesn't really interact with fans, and he doesn't seem to really care about ASP anymore, at least not on the level he used to. However, I kind of get him. While getting involved and getting "together" with Alba was a decision he made, I think we can be all honest here and say that some people take this whole thing too far. I don't like her, and I don't like the whole situation, but I think that what some people do is way too much. I get if people are disappointed; I get if they want to call them out; however, there is a place and a way to do that. Commenting under Jinx's posts or the shelter video is not the place, and calling him a pedofile and a nazi or bullying him because of his appearance is not the way it should be done. If he participates in an ASP video, he is a hypocrite; if he doesn't, he is performative. In a word, for some people, no matter what he does, he is the bad guy. So we can all understand, on some level, that he probably thinks that doing nothing is the best strategy now.

I still don't think that the past decades were a lie. I think it would be impossible for someone to play a role for 20+ years and 24/7. I hope one day we will see the old Chris again.

[thatfilthyanimal]

tw: stalking, grooming, pedophilia, sexual abuse, past suicidal thoughts

I've recently been made aware that Dupsy is still talking about me and is now going to random Megamind fans that don't know me and telling them to avoid me. I'm also aware that they're doing this in the Ruby Gillman fandom. I have no words to really describe the level of discomfort this brings me, but I will attempt.

First of all, all the "grooming" allegations were thoroughly debunked and proven to be bullshit. I can't believe I have to even say this. I'm a victim of grooming and sexual abuse myself. It's extremely traumatic and life-altering shit, and never something I would want to inflict on someone else. I feel like it should be obvious, with the measures I took in the server to ensure no child is exposed to such things. I was recently diagnosed with PTSD due to the shit that happened to me when I was growing up, and between processing that in therapy sessions and stomaching transitioning in a near-constant hostile-to-trans-people online social media hellscape, I am tired.

I love Megamind, more than anything, and this is known and obvious to anyone who's met me. This movie saved my life when I was extremely suicidal and planning to end my life back in 2010. Watching the movie when I did gave me something to focus on, a distraction, and a responsibility as a fandom member that helped distract me long enough to get out of the planning mindset I was in. Had I not seen the movie, I do not think I would have stuck around. I will leave it at that.

And moderating fandom spaces for Megamind has been lovely! I adore this fandom. The people in it are extremely talented and sweet, and just so damn nice, like by default. I say this all the time but I've never experienced another fandom space quite like it. There are usually bad eggs in fandoms, and perhaps -I- am said "bad egg" to some, but genuinely this one is special. I have always felt that way, even when the bad eggs show up and make a stink. It has always felt worth being here for, to me.

And while I hate to give Dupsy the satisfaction of knowing they hurt me, I need to be honest-- it's been rough. I stopped talking in my server, I locked up on most of my friends and stopped talking even in DMs. I still struggle with severe anxiety in the server and have talked to Dal on various occasions about transferring the server ownership to him. He's been very patient with my freakouts and super understanding, but it's still hard. This WAS a place I felt safe, for over ten years! And now it feels like any minor can just say I'm a groomer or a pedo or whatever with ZERO consequences, just because they're mad, just because these are words that make people go "oh shit" and listen, and man! It's not ok! And this coupled with the fact that trans people are often called groomers just for existing, just… man! I'm tired. I'm so tired.

There are real, severe, damaging effects to these claims being thrown around so casually. It's hurtful to me, as a victim of sexual abuse, because when I came forward to people about what happened when -I- was a minor, I was told I "wanted it" and "asked for it". It was made to be my fault that I was abused, and I internalized it for years. It nearly killed me. I cannot stress enough how important it is to not use claims like pedophilia and grooming so lightly-- these are VERY damning terms to use on people and should be reserved for people ACTUALLY HARMING OTHERS. Being mad I banned you from the server is not "abuse" and using my Customer Service Voice to be nice to you and then being obviously tired of you when you were banned is not "emotional grooming". What the actual fuck. ALSO. This was well over a year ago! Why am I still having to post about this? Why are you still TALKING about me? And yet again I ask, where the HELL are your parents?

Anyway, if you've been wondering why I've been so quiet these days and struggling to socialize… honestly? It's this. I hate that this is what did it. I know people trust and believe me, I know the fandom backs me up regularly and I appreciate them all so much for it. I see it, but I never know how to respond. You guys continue to make this fandom feel safe for me even when my entire brain is screaming to run, and I appreciate you so much for it.

Kids deserve to be trusted when they tell people they've been hurt and I hate that the recent proshipping discourse or whatever you want to call it, this culty all-or-nothing shit, has a bunch of minors growing up feeling like EVERYTHING is something to call rapey or predatory, with apparently little room to distinguish when REAL abuse is happening to them. I don't blame anyone for believing Dupsy, and it's honestly better they DO believe all unproven claims of abuse by default, just to stay safe-- but man, it has consequences that follow people, and really should not be a thing to just throw around because you're mad at someone. I just can't believe they're STILL going around and reaching out to strangers telling them to avoid me… like, what the fuck.

I will be ok, I always am eventually, but I needed to say something, because it's honestly been a while since I've said much of anything.

Keep being kind. <3

[kanmom51]

What’s interesting is how jimin is taehyungs “soulmate” but Tae never mentions jimin in lives, never really comments on his posts or lives.

Taehyung will mention Jungkook any single chance he gets on posts & live like if he doesn’t he will lose his community.

Jungkook will mention jimin any chance he gets, comments on posts & comments on his lives but rarely Taehyung.

Jimin will rarely mention any of them maybe once in 2-3 lives. Only comments on jks lives, no tae’s. (Only mentioned Tae twice in like 6 lives) (Jungkook once or twice if asked to say he hasn’t seen him/comment about watching his live ect) He mostly talks about suga, Jin, Hobi.

The dynamic is confusing and interesting. It’s like….

Taehyung > Jungkook

Jungkook > Jimin

Jimin > Jin, Suga, Hobi (+ JK)

Jimin hasn’t met up with Taehyung twice now (didn’t wait at the airport, didn’t text or call, randomly posted on weverse instead of just texting Taehyung + didn’t show up to work out with him)

Like is V desperate for JK to appear his best friend but JK seems to only talk about jimin and wanting to hang with him and jimin is mostly spending time with members at hybe & working on stuff. So it’s like what are their dynamics as of now.

I feel like this one is going to be long and wordy and perhaps all over the place. It is what it is. Lol.

Ok, so let's start with your base line @malecsma1a , which to me is wrong when it comes to JM. JM does mention JK. He seeks out comments about him to have a reason to, but also talks about him or listens to his songs or comments on his lives (actively seeking JK out). JM is way more careful than JK, who in an essence doesn't give a flying fuck what people think of him. The only reason JK hasn't done more at this point is because he's respectful of his partners wishes. A partner that at this point in time is not ready to make that move yet. It's their current contracts with the company, it's their looming military service, it's their families, it's the fandom, it's who knows what it is, he's just not ready for that yet.

So JM is cautious and he goes with the easy subjects to talk about, initiating talk about, Jin and Hobi. Suga not so much (unless it was during their promotional period). I'm trying to think when he talked about RM last, and the only thing I can think of is during his Billboard #1 live telling us RM congratulated him. I might be wrong.

Anyway, JM initiates talk about them cause they are easy. Easy subjects, easy connections, just easy. Or, more like safe.

As for JK, ooh he wants to talk about him, he's itching to talk about him. You can see it in this pre-release lives when he seeks out the comments about JK and answers them or he listens to Euphoria and doesn't stop talking about JK. Did you see how happy JM was during his post recording live when JK spammed his comments? It's just that JM needs a reason to be able to talk about JK, cause you know, Jikook are kind of a taboo subject. Brining up JK out of nowhere for JM is a landmine, a ticking bomb, so he's careful. I just wanted to clear that up. If JM doesn't mention JK it's not for lack of wanting to. JK is on his mind just like JM is on JK's.

That's the JM baseline.

Now let's please move on with another baseline statement that you haven't mentioned, one that HAS to be said time and time again.

Not seeing it or hearing it happen, most certainly does not mean it isn't or didn't happen.

That one is lacking in your ask.

It feels like you are making assumptions on relationships based on the very very limited public interaction we are getting from them.

Many a times we hear from the members about messages they have sent each other on their chat group or privately, messages we would have zero knowledge about if not for them telling us about them. How many interactions like that don't they tell us about do you think? I can tell you without any doubt that 99.9% of their interactions with each other are unknown to us. Online and off. And this definitely includes JM and Tae and most obviously JK and JM.

You mention 2 interactions between JM and Tae. The first we wouldn't even know about if not for Tae telling us during his live. The second we wouldn't have know about either if not for JM's cheeky Weverse post and Tae's snappy answer. How many more interactions are there that neither shared with us? We have no way of knowing. As for the airport Weverse interaction, it's obvious that they weren't going to be riding home together, as there were 2 cars waiting for them. So maybe say hi at the airport on the way out or something like that. JM had a skip in his walk, he was excited to get to the car and home (to someone else that was probably just a little more important to him) so he decided not to wait for Tae. Oopsy. These conversations they have on Weverse are for our benefit. They are done for the fans, period. Because again, we all know they have their group chat and each other's phones. Maybe they do it to show all's well between them, because of the buzz about things not being ok, maybe another way of keeping in contact with the fans, Idk.

I digress.

Your bottom line question was about the dynamics. How they have changed? Have they changed?

Vmin

Idk what is going on, if there is something going on, between JM and Tae.

We know about two times they didn't end up getting together. But we know they were planning to, and at the same time we don't know if there are other times they did meet up.

We can also deduct from those two times that they are obviously on speaking terms.

You are right to say that Tae barely mentions JM. He didn't even congratulate him publicly on his solo album nor his Billboard #1, and that is strange for someone that is his supposed soulmate. But this could be something done in agreement with JM. We just don't know. I do not want to make assumptions about the state of their relationship with near to no information. JK is obviously ok with Tae. And dare I say that I don't think he would be so ok with Tae if Tae did something to badly hurt JM? Because even without seeing them in one frame for months now, JK has made it abundantly clear who his no. 1 priority is, and that's JM.

Taekook

JK has clearly gotten closer with Tae since their 2020 issues. It's taken some time, and I do think that JM being less available during his preparations for the album and promotions brought them closer still. But when I say close, it's by no means as close as he is with JM. Dare I also say that the kind of closeness is also different. It's a matehood kind of closeness. It's them being those friends that play online video games together, that go out once in a while with friends, for fun, for company. I really don't think there is more to that friendship. Tae is not someone JK finds solace in. The people he would turn to would be first and utmost JM, then perhaps Hobi and Jin. Tae is fun and games. A good distraction when there was no schedule, when he was off quilter, when JM was gone (in a sense, not really, but also not as available to him as he was used to up until not too long ago).

And we have Tae and his ever so often one sided mention of JK (one sided cause like you said, we barely have the same from JK). Is JK the only member he's in touch with? I doubt it. I have 1001 things going through my head right now as to why Tae is doing this. Sadly, none of them are him being genuine. I'm sorry. I love him, but this thing he's been doing, the one that even the best of ours (and I'm not including myself in that group, cause I was seeing it before and not loving it too much) are starting to question his motives about, it feels wrong. And it's not because of him championing his friendship with JK, which good for them, I'm happy they had each other to fall to when everyone else was super busy. It's the timing, it's the way he does it. Maybe if he wasn't so damn obvious about it, maybe if he was more suave, sophisticated in the way he was doing it. But he's not. I think he needs to take a lesson or two from JK, Mr. JM spoiler king and champion fan and supporter.

So, friends yes. Nothing more nothing less. Oh, and did I talk about what the company might be pushing here? No? Maybe I better not at this point. Maybe I better wait and see how things turn out, cause even if this is what the company wants, the big unknown here is just how much JK will comply.

Jikook

As for Jikook. Those two are as good as ever. Good as gold. They are doing private right now. Here we come to that ever so important baseline you forgot about: not seeing them doesn't mean they aren't there nor does it mean that they are not happening.

Here's one of the times I've talked about what we aren't seeing and why it means absolutely nothing:

I've talked about this multiple times, but this is the one I found on the run.

Remember back in mid 2022, after they went on a very long break, when there was all the talk about Jikook not interacting on SM, not being seen out together? Remember that? "Jikook have broken up" was all over the place (just like it was a second before JM's album release and JK's "have no mistake I love JM" lives) . Including coming from the usual insecure Jikookers that need the two to prove time and time again they are in a relationship (cause that's how life is isn't it? We have to prove to our surroundings that we are together otherwise we aren't?). Anyway, then we had the Seoul concerts, they were more than fine, LV, omg they were on fire, new tattoos included. Got back from LV and again that roller coaster of them not being seen together not interacting was in a loop. Good thing we had our president of the Jikook fan club to post from Washington showing us them out together. Good thing we had the JITB party BTB to show us the talk about them not interacting in the party were bull crap. Once again, seeing that content should have taught us a lesson - not seeing them initially in the clips and photos leaking from the party (well almost not seeing them, cause we did have that clipet (clip + snippet) of them in the corner JK's hand on JM's waist) doesn't mean they weren't doing their thing. You know, in the dark corner JK embracing JM's hand and all... and there was more. Believe me there was so much more that went on in that party that we haven't seen on tape.

Not seeing it doesn't mean it's not happening.

And before Busan, and then after Busan and before JM's album release, see the pattern?

JM and JK they are intimate. We kind of know it, let's not kid anyone. They have been together for years, they are sexually active, they are a long term couple. Yet, we have never seen them even so far as kiss have we? Does that mean they didn't or don't? I don't like talking about this stuff here, cause it's private, it's theirs, and that's why I'm stopping at the very innocent example of kissing, but I'm trying to make a point here. We don't see what they do 99% of the time, and I'd say since the hiatus it's already 99.9% of the time.

And yet, JK in the past few months, since Feb 2023, and even more so since mid March 2023 (his white day live) is telling us everything (in the way that he can at the moment). He's telling us they are still very much ok. He's telling us he knows stuff that we don't, stuff that he wouldn't know if they were not still very close. He's showing us just how much he cares for JM, how much he loves and supports him. He's telling us they are seeing each other, even if we don't know they are.

And JM in one song, in which he included JK, told us (so yes, the song is for us in the essence of him wanting us to know, but the letter is addressed to JK) how deep his feelings are for JK and that they are forever. JK joined him on that one.

They are good.

They are forever.

They both told each other and us that.

Look, I know you miss them. Miss seeing them. Miss seeing their interactions. I do too. So so much. Cause they are just happiness and hope all in one. Seeing their interactions, seeing how much love there is there it's precious and I miss it so much. But I'm not making the mistake, and don't you either, of concluding that not seeing these interactions means they aren't happening. They just aren't showing them to us, in the content that is.

There are a few reasons that come to mind as to why the company is doing this, although sorry but they are just being stupid. The lack of Jikook content at this point is more suspicious than any kind of content they might have had together under official supervision. For two obviously very close people, whatever label you want to attach to them, the lack of official content is screaming "why the fuck aren't they paired together?"

Not to mention the irrevocable fact that they are the two with the most electrifying chemistry. There is a reason that they used to be constantly paired together. They just work.

The company are the ones pushing these units and they have done so since the hiatus. It's Jihope and Yoonmin on the one hand and Taekook on the other.

The rhythm of Korea with BTS was one of the more obvious to see this agenda and the fact that it was JM and Suga chosen to champion Busan, yeah, felt weird to me.

Was there supposed to be chemistry? If there was, I didn't see it.

Side note: Notice how JM is wearing his special necklace in this official content. He doesn't do that. They are styled for these kind of clips. I do think that was a statement. Maybe not one necessarily for us.

In any case, that is one example.

You want another one?

JM's dance practice BTB is another. We wouldn't have seen JK there if not for JM's comment during his live about JK coming to see him practice. That BTB felt rushed and the JK part of it was evidently highly edited. Take what they show us there, less of a minute of JK being there, not even showing us his arrival (which means not showing us JM's reaction to his arrival), and compare it to the edit of Hobi coming to visit JM during the Like Crazy MV shoot. One pairing obviously being highlighted (oh, for months), the other downplayed.

There is more. All in the name of Hybe's end game. Yes, I really don't think this is being done to protect them. And I also don't think this is coming from them. If it was, JK wouldn't have rebelled the way he has against the company. JK's a good boy, he's compliant as a whole, but he is also a non conformist, and has his limits and he is being held back for too long. There are things they want to do and they aren't allowed to, and what we've seen in the past couple of months from them is their form of rebellion. What they are allowing themselves to do at the moment. JK deleting his IG. Make no mistake, that was his big fuck you to the company. His lives, not giving a fuck. Him supporting JM in the way he can being the loudest that he can under the circumstances. JM showing up in JK's comments but not only showing up, openly flirting with him. This was them saying "absolutely nothing has changed between us".

I told you this was going to be unnecessarily long, didn't I?

Well, bottom line is that I don't think the dynamics between JM and JK have changed, they are same old same old.

And to be truthful, I don't think that the dynamics between JK and Tae have changed either. Yes, they are closer in the sense that when JM is away JK is spending more time with Tae (either online or meeting up). They spend more time together but make no mistake, the dynamic is the same as it always was with those two, you could clearly see that in that Feb live when Tae showed up in JK's comments and then they went live on IG.

There are those that don't like me comparing, but I love to compare, cause that's how you know it's different, right?

The silence moments between JK and Tae in that live were outright awkward.

Then take the last time we had Jikook in a live together - JM's birthday back in October 2021, a Jikook masterpiece, lol. Their silences are electrifying.

It's the difference between staying quiet cause you have nothing you really want to or know to say and staying quiet because you want to say everything but are worried it will be too much.

Those dynamics were there before, and they are still there.

Did I forget someone?

Oh yes, Vmin.

Yeah, I have no idea. Those two are keeping us in the dark. Many think there is something weird going on with them. Could be. Could also be that everything is fine and they are just not talking about each other.

[maydays-medbay]

I want to be so real with you all right now, because I can’t seem to get my head on straight when I desperately need to.

I know this is a silly little fandom blog where I post about my characters and have a laugh with my mutuals, but recently I’ve been so burnt out over this that I’ve lost the want to make anything. I don’t have the mental willpower or energy to make anything.

KOSA scares me. Genuinely. I can’t tell you a time in my life where I’ve ever felt more scared and angry and upset over something so genuinely horrible.

I haven’t been able to sleep since learning of its recent resurgence and now upcoming voting in the Senate. I feel sick every time I stop doing things to distract me because of how much grief this bill brings.

If this bill passes, I genuinely don’t know what I’m going to do. As a queer transgender man, this bill not only makes me afraid of what’s going to happen to everything I’ve built, but it makes me fear over my safety and all of the things I love about the internet.

This bill will ruin all of those things. Censorship on this magnitude is abhorrent and gross, and I’m tired of the government trying to control the things they don’t like under the guise of protecting children. Especially when a bill like this is going to end up fucking over countless minors and adults alike.

If a minor lives in an unsafe home, their resources for getting out of it will be stripped away because of how the bill goes about censoring media. If a queer minor is trying to find LGBTQ+ resources, this bill won’t let them because that information is going to be protected behind safeguards and other censorship methods based on “preserving mental health”. All under the guise of “protecting” them.

Protecting children is important. This? This is not the way to do it. Period.

Putting our information on the internet to verify that we’re adults- personal, identifying information- is incredibly, incredibly dangerous. Information privacy and anonymity have always been very, very important to me. This strips that all away.

I feel safe when I can be more private online. I feel safe being able to talk to people without my private information being submitted to their databases.

This makes my already rampant paranoia worse. This makes me afraid of my personal information ending up on some insecure database that’s ripe for the taking for those with malicious intent.

Fuck this bill, and fuck anyone who supports it. I’m tired of this bill making me feel unsafe, paranoid, vulnerable, and overwhelmingly scared. I just want to live my life normally.

I’m tired of constantly agonizing over the next time when children or LGBTQIA+ people are going to be political scapegoats. I hate living like this.

Stop KOSA. Please. From the bottom of my heart, I want this bill stopped.

Please. If you can, call your reps and lawmakers- tell them that you don’t want this bill to pass. Even if you’re not from the US, you can help. Below I’ve put in a link to Stop KOSA’s website where you can email/call your lawmakers and let them know how much you hate this bill. And if you can’t do that for some reason, or you already have, please spread the word and let other people know about this bill and how to stop it.

And remember, even if KOSA passes in the senate, we can halt it in its tracks when it reaches the house. So please. Don’t stop fighting, and STOP KOSA!

(Also, feel free to reblog and add any other information you can to this post to spread the word about this bill and/or provide more resources to combat it. Every email, Call, and other way to inform lawmakers of your opinion helps. There’s a reason we stopped KOSA the first two times. We can do it again.)

[nonnymousehouse]

Della/Launchpad Ship Meta

I feel like people should talk about the things they like more often, especially when it comes to ships. Meta isn't very common anymore and shipping manifestos - essays written by fans talking about why they love the ship that they do - appear to be a dead practice.

I wrote this short mini essay for the Delpad Fan Club here on Tumblr and later posted it on AO3. I may write more in the future. As for other places with Delpad meta, you can check out Kirbtaro's fanblog which contains all of her Delpad meta over the years.

If you disagree, that's okay! All I ask is that you be respectful and read with an open mind. This is fandom, after all. The whole point is to play with possibilities in a fan space!

Simply put, these two have so much to learn from each other and, in many ways, are the only two who can help one another. You can try to put other characters in their place, but it won't work.

One of Launchpad's greatest insecurities is rooted in how he isn't a traditionally taught pilot. A lot of his skills come from learning on the (ahem) fly. Della is traditionally taught and works hard to be the best at everything. The idea that she could fail and fail hard upsets her.

Her greatest source of trauma is when she crashed on the moon - due to her own folly. She may have the practical skills to land a plane, but when pushed into an emergency situation, she didn't know how to handle an emergency crash. To Launchpad, this would be second nature to him.

While the show does have Della teaching him how to land a plane and Launchpad teaching her how to crash properly, I feel like the show didn't really delve into what a big deal this is for both of them. The two of them are healing their deepest sources of trauma through the others' skillsets. It would have been fun to see the two of them acknowledge that.

If Launchpad had taught Della how to safely crash from before, she wouldn't have lost her leg. If Della taught Launchpad how to properly land a plane, it would help him overcome his fears of not being good enough.

Launchpad admires anyone who can get back up from their setbacks and Della Duck is firm in her belief that nothing can stop her! The things that LP loves about the Sunchaser (when he was chatting with Beakley in Last Crash) are the same exact qualities that Scrooge compliments Della on when he sees her leg.

While the show may never directly acknowledge it, the two need each other to become the people they most desire to be - to be their most complete selves. Launchpad is an outsider to the family but desperately wants to be a part of it. Della is a part of the family but, due to her past, feels like an outsider. If these two work together, maybe they can find a solution that makes both of their wishes come true.

And, well, wouldn't that fit the theme of found family? Webby is also an outsider who longs to be part of the McDucks and her reward is to be Scrooge's protege - the successor to his fortune. Launchpad's feelings as an outsider of the McDucks never really changes - his consolation is that he has to find a new family for himself. Which never sat right with me - surely he can have the Mallards and the McDuck/Duck family as his families at the same time? The show outright states that he continues to work for both Scrooge & DW at the same time after Let's Get Dangerous.

If Launchpad were to, say, marry Della, he'd get to be an official member of Scrooge's family, just as he's always wanted. He'd essentially be Scrooge's son-in-law (or, well, nephew in law). Kinda like how being Scrooge's daughter allows Webby to be the "fourth nephew" - which is what Webby has always wanted.