#or organise it if you're not socially anxious like me

[personal-ly]

Drink some water y'all, stop scrolling and panicking. I understand the pain of having a fascist elected (modi for anyone who's curious) but the connections and community you build will always be stronger than those in power. It's gonna be shit, but it'll get better if you keep trying. So take a break, eat something you like and go hang out with your friends or family, have a nice conversation, irl or online and get some sleep. Help others and ask for help, there's always gonna be atleast one person willing to help you out. And try to be that one person for someone else. You can find people you can rely on even in the most right wing populated places, so don't lose hope and don't try to go through this alone

[drdemonprince]

hi, devon. i’m a very socially anxious white autistic person who has been quite active in protests and some related events and actions the last couple of months. i really agree with your opinions on how white supremacy can shift our focus away from community, but i find it nearly impossible to actively parttake in community. i show up with a mindset of actively contributing but feel paralyzed when faced with the chance. i don’t really know how to make social connections in general, but i so badly want to contribute to community. i think white guilt kinda plays into things as well and that makes me so ashamed and then i spiral. ik it’s a lot but do you have advice on navigating a deep urge and feeling of responsibility (as it pretty much is my responsibility as someone who wants to fight for liberation) but feeling paralyzed whenever a chance to connect actually presents itself? i always end up fumbling and unintentionally rejecting people who try to connect w me as well. i used to be very politically active as a teen but that was through organisations with a lot of structure which enabled me to feel more able. i do whatever actions i can, but being hindered by my inability to form connections makes me worried i won’t be able to end up in the communities that fight for liberation in the long haul. i’m ready to this this for the rest of my life, but not alone.

I understand this feeling so much. Please keep at it. One of the biggest problems with the white supremacy brain disease is that it expects us to do more & more quickly than is reasonable or helpful to expect of a person. So it is very likely you are beating yourself up for not speaking up, for not jumping in to offer help, and for not asserting yourself to the degree that you think that you "should," but in reality many of those efforts would be misplaced or self-defeating if you were to embark on them right now. This is a long journey, and white supremacy culture believes in urgency above all things too, and so it's important for you to give yourself some grace as well as to accept that progress for you will be a long haul, and that's okay.

Many people have told me that becoming even a neutral member of a community as a white person is an uphill battle. So many of our impulses and the social tools that we wield actively destroy community. to learn to become a good community member, we have to listen and learn a lot, and keep showing up, and risk looking foolish, inert, useless, or whatever else we worst fear. If you're not doing much right now but still showing up, you might be a neutral member! That's a good start actually. Keep going.

Also try to keep an open heart and an open mind when people of color or longstanding members of the space challenge you, correct you, playfully tease you, or try to include you, even if it feels embarassing or like an attack -- it isn't an attack, but white supremacy brain will have you thinking that it is. If you read my essay Moments of Protest, I describe a moment like this at the Powwow I recently visited. Indigenous men singled me out, brought me into the dances, included me, taught me the moves, and gave me an award even tho I was doing a miserably bad job -- I was MORTIFIED and the white fragile person inside me wanted to run away and apologize for being so inept and never come there again. Instead, I pushed past my stupid ego and kept dancing and felt incredible gratitude in my heart. This kinda thing happens in a lot of POC-led activist spaces too. People will ask you your opinion, tell you how to contribute, correct you, include you, and it will humble you, and it will be scary at first, but do your best to just stick with it and stay present doing the thing, even if you feel red-faced and guilty. Slowly you will get more used to it and you don't reflexively withdraw or push people away. It took me no joke YEARS to get to this point. I used to flee instinctively or even be mad at people for bursting my self protective bubble. You can work through it.

A lot of my usual distress tolerance building advice also applies here (see my substack for more). But I think that if you are already showing up to actions a lot and are self-aware about it, you are on the right track. You just need to keep going. Attend organizing meetings, not just protests themselves if you can. Contribute your opinion when it is warranted. Don't beat yourself up for being silent sometimes and don't beat yourself up for disagreeing with people or having questions and your opinions. Accept conflict as a healthy form of intimacy and dont run away when a moment gets awkward. Just keep learning and retraining yourself and noticing the love that people show -- by offering food, by making jokes, by acknowledging your presence to make you feel welcome, by allowing you to be there and helping you to be a better version of yourself. we all have a long way to go in this work, but you can do it. you're already doing it! you got this.

[littlemoonastrology]

All About: CAPRICORN ♑︎ - The Zodiac Signs

This post will cover all the basic information needed to understand Capricorn, the tenth Zodiac Sign!

Take a look at my other posts to see information on: Aries, Taurus, Gemini, Cancer, Leo, Virgo, Libra, Scorpio and Sagittarius!

What's next? Aquarius! Keep a look out!

If you feel like this post has helped you feel free to Follow, Like Reblog or Repost (as long as I'm credited!).

~

[UPDATE]

My Big 3 Astrology Readings are open! If you'd like to purchase one or support me, head on over to my Ko-Fi https://ko-fi.com/littlemoonastrology . <3 Thank you!!

~

Capricorn ♑︎

Date (Only applies to Sun Signs): December 22 - January 19

Symbol: ♑︎ - The Sea Goat

Associated House: Tenth

Associated Degrees: 10°, 22°

Associated Energy: Feminine

Planetary Ruler(s): ♄ Saturn (Modern and Traditional)

Element: Earth

Modality: Cardinal

Keywords: Visionary, Ambitious, Skilled, Self-Motivated, Competitive, Reliable

This Zodiac Sign is determined, visionary and make great decisions which only allow for more progress in life - not just practically but emotionally too. Capricorn is reliable and steady, a great friend to go to when you need an honest opinion. Whilst this placement may tend to come across as biased sometimes or judgemental it's because they tend to hold high standards for themselves and the people around them. However, this doesn't mean they do this to bring others down, they do this to help aid others and give them some kind of direction in life. A Capricorn already intuitively knows who they are and their goals, often thriving in competitive subjects and can become highly skilled in multiple different topics (although this doesn't mean they are organised at all). They may like to keep their environment clean as well as their mindset, easily being able to say goodbye to toxic situations.

In fact, someone with a Capricorn placement may come across as lazy when this isn't the case. As hardworking as this sign can be, they may also procrastinate a lot and have trouble starting projects if they are not in the right mindset which can end up becoming some form of baggage. It's important for this placement to come out of their comfort zone (especially when they don't feel like it) and motivate themselves to get things done they don't want to (rather than staying in bed scrolling through social media all day. I see you.).

However, sometimes tasks may become too overwhelming for Capricorn - maybe even their emotions can become too much for them or they become really anxious over something. This can cause someone with this placement to act out of character - maybe acting out in anger or coming off as erratic (although this is only usually once triggered if they have been sitting and seething for a long time). In some cases maybe they look for ways to escape, whether that be through material things, people, ideas or work. If this problem keeps getting bigger, Capricorn may even become somewhat idealistic - relying on fantasies, emotions and possibly digital media to help them get through life which may result in them pushing others away and forming somewhat delusional or fantastical beliefs. It's at this point, Capricorn needs some kind of structure to help them come back to reality. Philosophy may help with this (or further certain unhealthy beliefs).

When Capricorn feels capable, skilled, respected and validated in an aspect of their life they may have a tendency to engage in it an unhealthy amount. This can lead them to avoiding other parts of their life (such as getting engrossed with work and forgetting to maintain friendships) or maybe put a lot of effort into an unhealthy relationship. It's important for someone of this placement to stay grounded, stable and work on projects/relationships which are healthy for them. Much like Cancer, pay attention to the amount of effort you're putting in and the rewards you receive.

~

Notes/Keywords/Phrases

Zodiac Sign

Each of the Zodiac Signs are a constellation. The Zodiac Sign shows how a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House is being represented and expressed. Once a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House falls into a Zodiac Sign, it adopts the energy of it.

For example: if Mercury falls into the constellation Sagittarius, Mercury adopts Sagittarian traits. If the 6th House falls into the constellation Aquarius, the 6th House adopts Aquarian traits.

Associated House

The Houses in Astrology are dependent on the time and location of birth in a Natal Chart and there are 12 different ones. Each of these 12 Houses are then assigned to a Zodiac Sign and 1 or 2 Planetary Rulers. The Houses in Astrology show you what area of life the energy of the Zodiac and Planets/Asteroids/Fixed Points is appointed to and helps provide depth into the chart.

For example: Capricorn's Associated House is the 10th House.

Associated Degrees

When a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House falls into a Zodiac Sign constellation, it will be appointed a Degree. This Degree shows how far along the Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House is in a Zodiac Sign. Each Degree is also associated with a Zodiac Sign, meaning when this Degree comes up it can nuance the way the Zodiac Sign of a Planet/Asteroid/Fixed Point/House is being represented.

For example: Mars is 6° in the Zodiac Cancer, 6° represents Virgo - therefore the Cancer Mars also takes on Virgo traits. The 2nd House is 23° in the Zodiac Scorpio, 23° represents Aquarius - therefore the 2nd House in Scorpio takes on Aquarian traits.

Planetary Ruler(s)

This phrase refers to the Planet(s) that rule a Zodiac Sign. When a Planet falls into the Zodiac Sign it has rulership over, the energy of both the Planet and the Zodiac Sign is amplified.

For example: Pisces' Planetary Ruler is Neptune.

Modern / Traditional

These words are associated with two kinds of Astrology: Modern Astrology and Traditional Astrology. Traditional Astrology refers to Astrology that was practiced before the 19th century, whilst Modern Astrology refers to Astrology that is practiced now. Some people choose to practice Traditional Astrology, some people choose to practice Modern Astrology, whilst some others might practice both types or combine them together.

Element

Each Zodiac Sign/Planet/House/Degree is associated with an Element and this covers certain traits which are unique to the Zodiac Sign/Planet/House/Degree they correspond to.

These Elements are: Fire, Air, Water and Earth.

Modality

Much like an Element, each Zodiac Sign/Planet/House/Degree is associated with a Modality. The Modality describes what the focus of a placement is and how the energy is expressed.

There are 3 different Modalities: Cardinal, Mutable and Fixed.

[windupaidoneus]

first you're not horrible and in fact I care about you deeply and dearly, second!! Tell me about that furry modern AU i've seen you post a bit about I think? the one where they work office jobs. If you have anything you wanna say about that :] or um. Tell me hilde and emet's favourite date activities !

green. sneef. i hold ur kind words so close to my heart. always. even when i feel bad!! which is saying!! u know how it is with brain bad...

& of course i can tell u about my Epic Furry Modern AU where they work office jobs!!!!! it's one i haven't actually pondered TOO much yet but the beautiful thing abt thinking is that it's something u can do & then u have thoughts. isnt it beautiful

it would be separate from my Regular Modern AU which has its own lore. in this one they are really. coworkers. to start with. this one actually started off bc i was designing a fursona for hilde & the image came to me of him.. well hold on. this

^ this is him looking up over his shoulders while Handsome Kind of standoffish Smells good fuckkkk he smells GOOD coworker (though the way i see it it's more similar to like, when two companies work together? & they're from diff. companies basically. yeah) reaches over his head to grab something from the shelf he was sorting. & well emet is an Owl so he has Big Feathery Arms kind of like a cape... so in that scenario hilde is kind offf getting enveloped in that. not really bc emet isnt touching him but. yeah. if this hapepend to me id just die homosexual style i can promise you this

i think magic exists in this universe however we still need desk workers yk. magic doesnt, err, magically erase bureaucracy. Sad! theyre both full of magical potential but yknow when ppl either have a lot of skill but cant get hired for anything relevant to them so they settle for some nothing job OR the thing theyre really good at doesnt pay well so they go for smth that doesnt align w their preferences for the sake of living comfortably financially even if it means work is hell on their mind? them. hilde is the one who cant get hired for smth he likes & emet is the one going for a job that pays good rather than a job that suits what he likes doing. though of course he does get really really into the managing & organising aspect of Office Worker due to le autism. no way he isnt a manager of some sort he is NOT at the bottom of the ladder in any universe. i wouldnt say hilde is at the bottom of the ladder either bc he DOES have good skills & is generally a very applied worker (also idk im really not gunning for them having an unbalanced dynamic as coworkers, same company or not) but he definitely brushes his job off as not that important if asked what he does

emet probably has a sort of Reputation that makes him sound unapproachable but in the few interactions theyve had hes been a very reliable person to work with so hilde isnt particularly deterred from maybe trying to make friends for that reason. hes just.. socially awkward & anxious to start with. the moment their other coworkers (who hilde is actually like, decently friends with, likely one of the scions who mightve even been his friend before he started working there too. hell, could be a zero! or two even) catch that hes trying to befriend the guy with the Reputation theyyy try to orchestrate ways for them to work alongside each other more lmao. or like ohhh shucks i left xyz in the office over there can you go get it for me since youre nearby </3 which is entertaining for everyone in the know to watch.

they do get to work more as time goes on bc i feel like hilde would be doing like... communications stuff. great for the social anxiety lmao. & so relaying info & working out how the companies can better work w each other would be at least partly on him. he'd be involved in that i thinks. & ofc that would also involve the ppl in higher positions. fuck iahve so amny more ideas but im actually falling asleep in my seat remind me to rb with more tomorrow + the date activities ahhh

[faebriel]

this might sound a lil weird but I’m going into college soon n was wondering if u had any advice 😓 bleh chronic anxiety sucks

hiya!! omg first of all congrats, college is so exciting <3 anxiety makes things scary but genuinely it's a super exciting accomplishment and time of your life for sure

my exp with uni in australia is probably a bit different - for example we don't really board at uni unless you live very regionally! so unforchies i don't have much advice on things like dorms and rooming which i know would be a huge shift. i guess if any followers have advice feel free to reply/reblog?

otherwise here is my advice for a stress-minimal tertiary education experience:

it's good to figure out How You Study and How You Stay Organised ASAP. one of the biggest shifts from high school to university for me was keeping on top of all of my assignments/readings/study along with work, social life, going outside and seeing the sun etc. think about - where do you study best, at home/in your dorm or in a library? do you need people around to motivate you to focus (my uni had drop-in study sessions at the library, which might be less distracting than friends) or do they distract you? does a digital planner or a diary help you keep track of what you need to do? (i tried keeping a diary for YEARS and failed multiple times - it just doesn't work for my brain! i need that shit on a phone! and that's ok.) even if you feel like you should be able to keep on top of your study and stuff the "normal" or "expected" way... sometimes your brain just doesn't work like that. don't be afraid to experiment with different ways of planning your day or different ways of studying. first year of college is the perfect time for this! go digital, go paper, print out your readings, make a big visual brainstorm or collage instead of taking rote notes. find out what sticks in your brain and do that.

for study - don't be afraid to be proactive in class and ask your professors if there are any practice questions or past assignments you can review. just try to ask towards the start of semester, not right before your due dates.

do at least 50% of your assigned readings before class. really you should do all of it unfortunately but sometimes you hit a busy week and shit happens. on those weeks, aim for 50%

join a club! social ones are great to know people, and there are also field/industry ones which can help you get internships and experience and find people who are also in the field you study. my uni at least also had a lot of nonprofit/charity clubs which are great for 1) giving back to the community 2) making friends and 3) it looks good on a resume okay i'll just be honest with you

try not to wind up on the executive team of a club tho unless it's a great environment, something you're passionate about, and something you have time for. ultimately, you're at college for your education - extracurriculars like clubs are nice, but don't kill yourself over keeping them afloat. (this one comes from experience!)

and following on from some of those... everyone is expecting freshers to be awkward. social clubs are, teachers are, everyone. i know it's so silly to be like "just try not to be socially anxious!" but for me realising that literally everyone i spoke to expected me to be awkward and kind of out of my depth as a fresher helped. you can show up to a social event for a club, decide that it's not your vibe, and just not come back. or only come to every 2 or 3 events. that is totally fine. no one is checking your name at the door (and if they are, it's just so they can count attendance and prove to the college that they should be allowed event budgeting money because people do come to their events - it's nothing personal!) it's okay to be in a club for one semester and then leave, or stay for two years.

if asking questions in class makes you anxious, ask your teacher if they have office hours - in my experience they prefer this to emailing.

and if there's something you're struggling with - they literally have a degree in explaining what they're teaching to you, they won't mind catching you up to speed in office hours if you need extra help. if they're an asshole, look on your college website or ask around your class if possible to see if there are other teachers on campus who can help you. googling your course and the teacher can also help too - a lot of the time people who have issues with a prof and are looking for alternatives will post about it online.

some unis/colleges also have student services that provide counselling - they deal with general and social anxiety cases a lot. i won't lie, some of them are useless. but some of them will be really familiar with your college campus and be able to give you really specific advice about managing anxiety

having to retake a unit sucks, but stressing yourself to death about it is worse. sometimes that's just a punch you have to roll with

look for internships and work experience as soon as possible - it's good practice for writing resumes whether you get the position or not, they're great for figuring out if you really like the field you're aiming for, and they're great for building references for getting a job later. idk my uni had a platform where they would advertise a wholeee lot of internships which helped figure out where to look exactly. i'll be honest there aren't many for first years, but the earlier you start becoming aware of what's around, the less stressful it is towards the end of your degree

missing class cos you're sick happens. email the teacher ASAP and let them know, hopefully they can give you material to catch up on. some classes have absence policies but i'll be honest i finished my degree mid COVID and no one knew what was going on

if there's something like ADHD you should be being treated for i would suggest getting on top of that real early

most importantly........PRIORITISE YOUR HEALTH !! burnout is real. chronic flu is real. wrecking your sleep schedule is real and it hurts you. we have a saying in aus that Ps (passes) Get Degrees. obviously do your best and all but sometimes you're sick or something has come up and taken all your assignment time or w/e and you just gotta go for the P this time. always always communicate with your tutor, let em know you're sick or having trouble as soon as possible. most of the time they are understanding and not assholes. if they are, well, that's their choice to be an asshole. (and if they are violating your rights as a student, go to student services/your guild and rip them a new one.) but you're keeping them informed, and that's supposed to be what they want.

ok this list is long as hell sorry 😭 tl dr is 1) prioritise your health 2) figure out how YOU stay organised and study 3) join clubs for fun and profit 4) always ask the "stupid" question to your prof because someone else is probably also thinking the same thing. love and light i hope you have the best college experience!!!!!!

[ghosts-of-love]

little rant about work

my work has started implementing this new policy where on fridays everyone has to say the days that they're intending on coming into the office on the next week. for the most part it's been okay but today I didn't go in (landlord ended up having to be let in and also I didn't want to) and my team leader messaged me to say like, "Hey [coordinator] said u were planning to come in today and tomorrow, you good?" but more formally.

and idk everyone important at work knows i struggle so much with anxiety and I finally reached an agreement with my team leader about coming in when I can and seeing how I feel in the mornings. and so this new thing is not really giving the 'flexible' arrangement they've been selling me to get me into the office more. like don't tell me i can come in whenever i can during the week and even during the day if you're gonna chase me the second i don't come in (for a valid reason!). like how can you think that will make me less anxious?

i have a 1-2-1 with our coordinator coming up. is there a good way to be like, "you're gonna drive me towards a nervous breakdown by asking this level of organisation from me". like it's the anxiety stuff, it's the social stuff, it's even just making sure i have lunch prepared beforehand. its all of it?? I feel like they'll just hear that I'm not committed but that's not the problem like I work so fucking hard, I just cannot organise myself properly AND be constantly fighting anxiety at the same time.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hi! Encampment anon again. It's going okay so far, though the police with visible guns circling us is unnerving even though they just say hello and monitor us (while we monitor them). I'm the same anon from ages ago who struggled finding balance and getting overwhelmed at protests and I think I might still have that problem. Yesterday I was working from 4am to 10pm: some time at the encampment, then distributing meal leftovers to unhoused folks around there, then cooking trays of dinner (1/4)

for the campers, helping design pamphlets, and the in-between periods working on my final exams. But by evening when I was cooking I was extremely overwhelmed by the loud and messy kitchen and couldn’t speak to the people coming to transport the food which felt rude, since I was signing to my friend and she was talking for me, even though I could technically have spoken if I had tried more. I know part of mutual aid is community, but the social part of that seems quite hard, even if I am (2/4)

ready and willing to help. I also missed the two fun things I had planned for the day because of how busy it was, and while that’s fine, I’m also not sure how much time I am supposed to be taking for fun when I have exams as well as all this. People helped me yesterday, a lot, and I helped them, but I feel like I should be helping them more and require less support because I technically could. I also can’t really cut back because I will feel terrible if any of these things don’t get done (3/4)

when I could have done them; if food gets thrown away because no one else hands it out, then the waste of food is my fault. But I know thinking like this is not helping me, so I don’t really know what to do. [Also I don’t know if this is relevant but it may inform what advice you give, a counselor has suggested I might be autistic, though I’m not sure whether or not I agree. Either way, even before all of this began I was struggling a lot to keep things together.] (4/4)

Oh also I just realized that I have not slept much, eaten most of my meals, showered, cleaned my room, or such things since this has all begun (like three days or so). So I definitely need to change something about my approach but I can't figure out what. I just forget to do those things, and if I remember I should, I still don't have the energy to. Sorry for the really long rant, you've just helped me a lot with your advice in the past and I need some more help I think. (5/4)

***********

Oh anon - sending you so much love and solidarity. You're doing amazing - and like I said before - you have everything you need.

When I read this - it feels like what you're asking is what am I doing wrong or how can I be better at it? And the answer is, of course, absolutely nothing - there's no need to be better and also it's not really possible. The difficulties you're facing aren't because there's something unique about you that means that you get overwhelmed after working from 4am to 10pm. The difficulties are the nature of organising in this sort of heightened political moment. All student occupations have been people in them who were exhausted and overwhelmed and not eaten or showered.

Moments of collective resistance in political crisis are not times for intentional improvement (you are of course growing and learning and changing - you can't help it). But the only problem you're describing here is your anxiety that you're doing something wrong. And the only thing that you could work on - is gently telling the voices in your head that there's something wrong with you to fuck off. But it's not really the time - it's far too easy get involved with meta anxiety - you already describe being anxious about being anxious

Does it help if I'm gentle with you - and tell you you're doing great. It's not your fault if food is wasted. It really doesn't matter that you haven't tidied your room. And people who haven't showered for three days are more common and socially acceptable political occupations than most of the rest of society - even when people aren't overwhelmed. You describe yourself as accepting help and identifying when you're overwhelmed and withdrawing - that's incredible and not something I knew how to do when I was your age (and for a long time after).

I remember at a time of intense political crisis getting very worked up about whether I was coping well - and looking back and all I can think of how absurd it was that I expected myself to cope at all.

I will give a couple of pieces of practical advice. Prioritise eating - not eating does make things harder. You describe yourself as giving out food, but not eating. What do you need from the situation so that you can eat yourself? If you can't figure it out - can you talk it through with a friend? Don't let the perfect be the enemy of any sustenance is good here. What do you need so you'll eat some food several times a day?

The other is - do you have any friends (or family - but if I understand that's less likely in the US) who are sympathetic, but not involved? I also have vivid memories of going to a friend's house - five days into crisis organising. Hanging out and then going to a movie. That was really replenishing. If you have someone who values the work that you're doing, but isn't part of it - spending some time away from it all can make a real difference.

I guess what both of these having in common is that they're looking after yourself in gentle ways - relying on other people a little bit. Recognising what you need - but also accepting that this is really hard and it's going to have an impact on you and it's OK that it has an impact on you.

Again sending you all the love and solidarity. Don't apologise for the long rant. I loved hearing from you - come back any time.

[avvocarlo]

I'm so glad I got out of that line of devil work I was in

[muhe-ye]

Scaramouche with a reader who has ADHD

He likes his personal space, but won't say nothing if you get too close, he secretly loves your clingyness.

Although, if you're the type of person to be physically distant, like, not clingy at all, he wouldn't also mind, as long as you give him a hug when he's sad he's ok with that :).

He gets annoyed easily but surprisingly if you start "kicking" your leg or taping your nails on the table he won't get bothered.

If you're feeling like touching something he'll let you play with his accessories.

If you zoom out while he's talking he'll just call you or wait for you to snap back.

He'll definitely remember you to do things, something you've forgot or stuff you don't remember where you put.

If you're doing something you like and lose track of time he'll hug/kiss your cheek (if you like physical touch) or simply start talking to you (if you don't) to distract you.

If he sees you're getting too anxious and/or understimulated he takes you away from whatever/whoever is making you feel like that.

He also doesn't mind if you talk too much, he likes hearing your voice, besides, he doesn't talk that much so it's either you talk or silence.

If someone makes a comment about you talking too much they're dead. He just won't allow people talking sh¡t about you.

He'll eventually tell you if you're too loud, but in a gentle way, you know he doesn't mean to offend you.

He also doesn't mind if you interrupt him, he knows you don't do it on purpose, besides he has a good memory he can say it later.

If you have trouble sleeping he'll make you a coffee (yes, coffee, that helps some people with ADHD including me) and/or cuddle you. He can also talk about something and everything until you're sleepy, and sometimes even sing but that's something you shouldn't tell to any one, especially the Fatui.

If you have tics he'll help you with that, from preventing you from hurting yourself to reassure you its ok to make little mistakes because of it (drop a thing, lightly hit him, scratch the paper too hard for example while drawing, bump into something), he doesn't fetishize tics but he thinks some of yours are cute, especially if they're vocal (he'll get worried if you hurt yourself with one).

He hates energetic people but you.

I couldn't include all the symptoms so there's a list, if you think you may have ADHD then please go to someone who understands of that, I, and online tests aren't 100% accurate/correct you should always confirm it with someone profissional.

having a short attention span and being easily distracted

making careless mistakes – for example, in schoolwork

appearing forgetful or losing things

being unable to stick to tasks that are tedious or time-consuming

appearing to be unable to listen to or carry out instructions

constantly changing activity or task

having difficulty organising tasks

Hyperactivity and impulsiveness

being unable to sit still, especially in calm or quiet surroundings

random energy boots and moments where you CAN'T move

maybe tics (including vocal ones)

constantly fidgeting when understimulated

hyperfixate

getting overwhelmed easily

zooming out

sensory issues

being unable to concentrate on tasks

excessive physical movement

excessive talking

being unable to wait their turn

acting without thinking

interrupting conversations

little or no sense of danger

anxiety disorder – which causes your child to worry and be nervous much of the time; it may also cause physical symptoms, such as a rapid heartbeat, sweating and dizziness

oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) – this is defined by negative and disruptive behaviour, particularly towards authority figures, such as parents and teachers

conduct disorder – this often involves a tendency towards highly antisocial behaviour, such as stealing, fighting, vandalism and harming people or animals

depression

sleep problems – finding it difficult to get to sleep at night, and having irregular sleeping patterns

autistic spectrum disorder (ASD) – this affects social interaction, communication, interests and behaviour

epilepsy – a condition that affects the brain and causes repeated fits or seizures

Tourette's syndrome – a condition of the nervous system, characterised by a combination of involuntary noises and movements (tics)

learning difficulties – such as dyslexia

[dear--charlie]

Dear Charlie,

Today I had my first day of class. Because we are split between 3 countries now, we are only 10 in class, of which 2 joined online. So, today, we were 8. 

My axiety went over the roof because in the beginning nobody talked, or answered the teachers when they asked questions, so I did, because I hated that uncomfortable silence. Then, some more people joined in, but their sheer stupidity and self-profilation of those people has driven me nuts ever since I started this programme. One girl opens her mouth even she is not called upon, interrupting people, and looking more for showing how smart she is, than for answering the questions. Teachers sometimes try to stop it, but she just keeps talking. It is hell. One guy has opinions stronger than my morning coffee, but just as bitter. Another one cannot form a single sentence in English. Can you believe she has a scholarship? I'm wondering who writes her application letters, as she also got an internship 6 people dearly wanted. A research internship. In English. And she got the spot. I've seen her writing. It's crappy. Something is off here. Anyway, when I wasn't anxious about the quiet, I was anxious about speaking up, because I hate to be that student who talks all the time. So I was anxious about finding a balance and then I was anxious about what the teachers would think about me because I don't want to become the teacher's pet. But then in the second class, we had a teacher that I go by informal you with. She is from my country and we met a while ago. I was the one organising the zoom call for the 2 online people (cause who else would have done it) and so I had to stay a little longer after class. As soon as the last person exited, she switched to our common language and talked to me in a rather familiar way, which is fine, because we are informal, but everybody outside the classroom heard, and my friend gave me that look of wow, you're really trying to hard, and I didn't but I don't know. Everything scared me.  And then I came home and I was shaking. I need to work and go get a library card, but I am unable to. I just can't because the day was so exhausting. Tomorrow we meet the second teacher from today again. And I am dreading it. 

Additionally, this morning, one teacher told me something along the lines of Lena, it's so nice to see you participate so much, but i'd like to give the others an opportunity to say something as well. Nobody said anything. So she came back to me after 3 minutes that felt like hours. 

After class, I went up to her to ask if she could please not do that, that I understand that I can't talk all the time and I am completely fine with being ignored. If she looks at me, I know she saw me. No need to stress that she isn't calling me because that makes very very anxious. She apologised and told me thank you for telling me, but now I feel weird about because well... I don't know.

This letter is a mess, I am sorry. My social battery and brain battery are beyond empty and I can't seem to be able to recharge today. Tonight I have dance classes, and there will be so many more new people and I am not sure I can do it. Everybody looking and listening again and I am just scared.

And then there is another teacher. With that teacher things have been going great. We met last year, she will be my thesis supervisor, and I have my internship with her. Last time we met, she told me she really liked that I asked her for the internship spot and that she hadn't thought of it but will be delighted to create me a custom made internship. So much for not wanting to be the teacher's pet. And well, when I talked about a potential PhD and told her I already found a supervisor in my country, she offered to be my second supervisor. I like her a lot. And I look up to her. But I am so scared of disappointing her, or her growing tired of me or finding out I am not as smart or well-read as she might think. I am overwhelmed and classes have only been going for one day. How am I gonna survive the semester...?

To compensate, I am fixating on food again. I barely eat anymore. I have lost 6kg. Everything lastes like sand and even though I am hungry, food makes me want to throw up as soon as I smell it. Part of me is scared. Part of me is happy I am finally getting closer to the weight my mom always wanted to me. 

I dad is a toxic asshole. My mother is being strange. Everything is falling apart. My girlfriend isn't fine but I can't do anything about it because she doesn't want to bother me. I don't know how to tell my 5 flatmates that I need some space, because by social battery is low, and I don't want to disappoint them. I also want to spend time with them, but I somehow can't because even that makes me uncomfortable. Everything is so complicated and I am stressed to the bone, filled with anxiety. I keep repeating all the stupid things I said today and they don't seem to want to leave my brain. I can't even sleep. I haven't slept properly in weeks. I can't sleep until 2 and then wake up at 6. I am drained. Anxious. Depressed. Scared. Empty. It's so hard...

I really hope this will just be ignored. The letter is not even a letter, just a mix of sentences and nonesense. Sorry for that. I cannot believe I am still writing to you after all these years. The first time I wrote was 5 years ago. Time flies. That's another thing that scares me. Aaaa I'm a mess. Anyway. 

Thanks for listening. Please send help.

Love always, 

Lena.  

31.08.2022

[firstginger]

I'm not certain if you're still accepting form findings (if not, then my apologies). But would you mind helping me settle on a form for my daemon? I'm an isfp, enneagram 2w1, and virgo sun/libra moon/virgo rising. I'd consider myself to be more imaginative, as I spend a lot of time in my own head daydreaming really convoluted plots. I prefer routine, but I am able to adapt to changes especially when helped by others. I'm a casual worker but also a total perfectionist: quality > quantity. 🌷���

I'm not very ambitious but I hold myself to really high standards. There's always been a huge pressure on me to do well and I conform to it as much as possible. I think in a very scattered way (thanks ADHD) but I use outside tools to help myself stay organised. I'm super introverted and I'm only semi-verbal. I shy away from everyone, even loved ones. I have a very hard time expressing my feelings but am a therapist friend for the ppl I know. I love to do things co-op, though I don't trust people very easily. I'd like to think of myself as understanding. Even if I don't believe someone's excuse, I bite my tongue for the sake of keeping peace. I'm quite temperamental, but all my negative mood swings are directed inwards. I'm very anxious and have low energy levels. Sorry for the info dump in your inbox! I just wanted to be in depth. If you could give me a form you think fits, or a form that is opposite/compliments me, I'd love it! Water forms are also appreciated but not req. 🌷🐁

oh this is fun, i don't often consider water forms as they aren't most people's favorites! i'll see if i can give you a few good options here.

my first thought was the vaquita: a small critically endangered species of porpoise that lives off the coast of baja california. they typically travel alone or in pairs, and while they do occasionally move in pods as well, the groups are loosely-formed and typically associated with temporary cooperation rather than permanent group bonds. rather shy, they'll quickly swim away if boats approach. i feel like the vaquita strikes a nice balance between your introversion and desire to help others: they're non-aggressive, tolerant, and even amicable creatures, though are self-sufficient and much less social than other porpoises. their restricted range (even before their dramatic population decrease) and the way they stick to the shores and don't migrate feels similar to your preference to stay within a routine and comfort zone. porpoise forms in general also have traits that may resonate with you: they're more low energy, imaginative sorts of people, very intuitive and sensitive but also not group dependent and more socially fluid. they open up with close friends but tend to be wary of strangers -- particularly the vaquita, which isn't going to have a lot of curiosity for new situations or people outside their immediate group. the only sticking point is that they might be a little too go-with-the-flow and not perfectionistic enough. i think more this person might fear a loss of self-preservation and identity and become anxious in situations where they feel trapped or like too much is being demanded of them... but i don't think they'd have an innate desire for perfection.

i was considering next some crab species! i have to suggest the strawberry hermit crab because they're such cuties; they're pretty sensitive but have a sense of curiosity i think might fit with your imaginative trait. very peaceable types of people who like to explore different ideas and try things out independently... so long as it feels like their choice and is in their comfort zone. they very shy and anxious and withdrawing from anything they feel is a threat. i also honed in on the red reef hermit just because i thought its symbiotic relationship with anemones paired up nicely with you being a therapist friend. they host sea anemones on their shells (typically conches) and will feed them scraps of food; in exchange, the anemone helps protect the hermit crab from predators. this certainly indicates a cooperative type of person, and red reefs are notoriously peaceful and socially tolerant compared to many species of hermit crabs. they're also pretty tenacious and focused, so they might be a little too much of busybodies for you, but i can see hermit crabs in general being self-contained individuals who dwell a lot in their own heads.

the last thought i had were some fish species, and i just kept coming back to seahorses and sea dragons. they (predictably!) have a very low-energy, passive, and intuitive vibe, very much not ambitious but also rather observant when it comes to their personal work. their social aspects seem to fit you well too: socially selective, easy to get along with, and slow to trust but settles into close relationships. their level of cooperation fits too; they're very agreeable to cooperation, especially when it means the best possible outcome. they're not adventurous and i would absolutely describe them as more imaginative, but i think then you run into the fact they're not terribly dutiful. they're not motivated by success. while they tend to be reliable, this is the type of person who's more interested in talking about possibilities than following through. they can be anxious and easily overwhelmed, and sometimes it's easier to not force yourself to take on more than you can chew. however their demeanors are pretty patient and calm, and i think it would take a lot to get them riled up. otherwise, i was thinking maybe something in the cichlid family? an angelfish might be up your alley as they're more sensitive, anxious, and dutiful... more selectively social and take a while to warm up, and don't enjoy change or diversion from their routine. i think cichlids might combine your introversion/anxiety with your temperamental nature. the blood red parrot cichlid, for example, is a species i'd see as very shy and reclusive but tolerant, though can become stressed and reach a boiling point.

ope this got long, i'm going to cut it off here but if you're looking for some non-aquatic forms (the strawberry hermit is terrestrial but needs access to saltwater) definitely send me another message! or let me know if these forms are a close in some ways and not in others, and i can try to refine things down even more for you! :)

[small-amethyst-deceiver]

Smoking doesn't make you skinny: a rant

So I keep seeing this as "advice" on how to suppress hunger and as a smoker myself, I'm begging you to stop and stfu! If you think smoking is worth it just to lose weight, I'm sorry, but you're wrong (and spreading dangerous advice) and I will explain why.

I started smoking because it was the only coping mechanism I had to deal with trauma and mental health issues. I've been smoking for years, since I was a teenager and into adulthood so I've pretty much seen most of the aspects of it - more importantly, the negative ones. I'm sure you're aware of lung disease, cancer, and other health risks involved with smoking, but if those aren't enough here's more things that suck about smoking.

- Smoking in combination with an eating disorder is dangerous. Smoking on an empty stomach especially. It fucks with your blood pressure and there were several times when I almost fainted because I had a cigarette on an empty stomach. If I fainted outdoors in an area that isn't busy with people, I could've easily died without anyone finding me and getting help. Your body is already weak and subjecting it to smoking only makes it worse, and I'm talking chronic illness and death, not aesthetic suffering.

- You will stink. Not "sMeLl Of SmOkE", stink. Most people don't like the smell and won't hesitate to tell you so. My boyfriend doesn't want to kiss me after I have a cigarette because of the smell and taste, and I honestly don't blame him.

- Your teeth, fingers, and nails will turn yellow from nicotine. No amount of brushing will remove it. I brush twice a day and my teeth are still yellow. Say goodbye to aesthetic long fingers with perfect skin and nails and beautiful smiles.

- If you smoke indoors, the stench will eventually become more and more difficult to air out, and it will stain your walls. If not, good luck going outside in all kinds of weather just so you can have a cigarette.

- Your social interactions will suffer. You will either have to leave your friends several times for minutes at a time to have a cigarette in a separate area, or be anxious for hours because the situation doesn't allow you to have one.

- ... Unless your friends are smokers too. In that case, you will smoke more because of social smoking. My friends who smoke and I go through several packs of cigarettes in a single evening of drinking when we're together. After that, you wake up with your mouth and throat feeling like sandpaper.

- It is very, very, very time consuming and mentally exhausting. You will get to a point where you will plan your days based on when and where you can have a cigarette, how to organise that, how to get there, how much that will take etc. If you're a student and/or employed, you now have to plan your smoking breaks into your already busy schedule.

- Even if you don't develop a deadly illness (which you most likely will, especially in combination with an ED), you will chronically suffer in some way. Whether it be the smoker's morning cough, damaging your vocal chords (goodbye singing), or just generally feeling like shit, it will happen.

- This one stings: WEIGHT LOSS FROM SMOKING ISN'T EVEN TEMPORARY! Studies have shown that people lose a little bit of weight when they start smoking and then gain it back, even if they continue smoking, and especially if they do the right thing and stop. So if you're thinking about smoking "a little bit" and then stopping so you can kickstart weight loss, just forget about it.

- It gets addictive quickly. It becomes a comfort and a habit and it's very difficult to control yourself because it doesn't feel like a big deal even though you're harming yourself. It's also a very nagging thought to have in your brain, especially if you already have urges and obsessive thoughts because of your ED.

- It's EXPENSIVE. Holy fuck, it's expensive. Packs cost a lot. Buying tobacco to roll your own cigarettes is a bit cheaper, but still costly if you're smoking regularly. Most smokers I know and myself resorted to finding less legal ways to get cheaper cigarettes and tobacco, but that's another hassle in and of itself. "But I can just buy the cheapest kind!" I mean, if you want to smoke something that tastes like bitter ashes mixed with hot asphalt, go for it, but as someone who's been there I can promise you you won't last long.

I don't want to wag my finger at you, but please, if you're not smoking already - and ESPECIALLY if you're a minor - don't even start. It's not worth it.

And please, don't spread harmful "advice" like this to already vulnerable people and teenagers/kids. Smoking is not romantic. It's not an aesthetic you can wear when it suits you, it consumes your entire life and affects your body, mind, health, bank account/allowance, time management, and social life. It has so many downsides people never mention and there are better things to do with your body and money. And again, IT WON'T MAKE YOU SKINNY IN THE LONG RUN, so it's not even worth it.

[infpsagittarius]

2022 Christmas holidays

I had a very fun and fruitful 13-day holidays for Christmas.

On the first day I met up with ex-colleagues from my last school. I felt that I really vibe with them way more than with my current colleagues. I'm the nice one in my current school group but already almost the meanest one in my last school group - they are all just soo kind! I love to be friends with them actually.

Then Dima and I went to a Christmas party - eastern European/ slavic based. People were mostly PHD students in Hong Kong and mostly come from Russia, Belarus, Kazakhstan etc. They were sooo quiet and reserved. I was so shocked about the vibe when we arrived at the dinner. Not just me, another girl who arrived way earlier and was involved in the cooking with them also felt the same. Just so shy, quiet and reserved, is that a PHD thing or a slavic thing? I met PHD students who were total party animals before so most likely a cultural thing.

Then on Christmas I went to the AR game centre to play an AR game with Dima and 3 other blockmates. It was fun and scary. Dima said he was totally distressed. I feel bad that he hadn't been able to relax even the interviews were already over.

Then we took a day to kinda organise and pack for our trip to Hanoi, Vietnam.

Then we spent 4 days there (the first day we only arrived and went to bed so it didn't count). I wouldn't say it was relaxing since the roads were always busy occupied with motorcycles and cars. We were alwasy anxious trying to walk. We kinda gave up and called a Grab even it would be an 8-minute walk from Google Maps. But, we did eat a lot of authentic Vietnamese food which I didn't see in Hong Kong. We did see three shows in four days, two of them were live music in bars and 1 was the traditional Vietnamese Puppet water show. We did visit a lot of museums and learnt a lot about the history. We were treated very nicely by the people in service industry too. So the trip was worth the time and money. I wouldn't say I would ever go back again since my style of vacation is to relax. The hustle and bustle just doesn't suit me. Also, I have learnt to be more grateful about how previledged I already am. People there are so poor. I kept asking myself, if I were born there, what would I do to break out of the poverty? It's easy when you have money since you're from another country looking at them, but think about if you were a local and born in poverty, how could you actually get out of that and climb up the social laddar?

It makes me feel that, Hongkongers, including me, are already so priviledged. We are so specific about so many things, like quality of food, quality of our staycation hotel rooms, environment that we are in etc. You might say, yea, but I work and I suffer in exchange of money to enjoy all that stuff, but hey, look at the locals in Vietnam, they work a lot and they suffer too but they are just surviving.

I was soo blue and down 2 days prior to going back to work. I really just don't wanna face all the hectic work and the upcoming class observations. Every day at school it's like go go go go go. Every day I live in a rush. Every day we need to attend meetings and be somewhat mentally abused by the boss. But think about the high salary you earn as a teacher here, think about how you don't need to be micromanaged by some disgusting people working in an office, think about the holidays you get, think about the future possibility to work part-time, think about how all your friends from the last school are going through the same observations. Pay your due and everything is temporary.

Being grateful is so important. We need to have gradtitude to lead a happy life. In fact, things in your life aren't guaranteed.

[dogsliampaynedoesntinstagram]

Hey, Ralph. You've been voice of reason in the past for me so I'm coming to you again. How do I deal with the helplessness I feel when I see everything going on in the field ? Today has been especially bad after hearing the news of Russian invasion and order against trans children in Texas. There's an ongoing persecution and harassment of Muslims in my own country. The government is ticking every box required of a fascist regime. And I feel like there's nothing I can do to make things better. And I'm in my house with parents who have stable income, living a relatively hassle free life. I feel guilty that I'm not doing anything to make things better in the world we live in.

Oh anon - it is a very hard time. Sending you heaps of love.

You cannot hold all the horrors of the world in your mind and your heart. Contrary to what far too many posts on social media imply, trying to do so isn't a sign of moral worth and lots of people knowing about the horrors of the world doesn't change them.

First of all, it's OK to feel shitty about the world sometimes. It's OK that this is getting to you - it's an upsetting and nightmarish time in many ways. Let yourself have some feelings.

But you're not helpless - in not quite the words of Joe Hill - don't feel guilty - organise. Choose one of the things that you've mentioned (or something else you care about it) and spend some time in the next week finding other people to work with to try and change it. Often it's easiest to fight for change where you are physically - how are Muslims in your country organising against racism? What solidarity already exists? It'd be harder to anything for trans-kids in Texas, but if that's a priority you might be able to do something useful. If you have skills like website building, you might be able to find a group in Texas who needed that. Figuring out how to offer solidarity in the war in Ukraine can be difficult, things are moving very fast, but if there's a Ukranian community where you are - there may be events organised.

There are three key aspects for this - the first is to choose one thing, rather than try and do everything. The second is even if you have access to money, don't expect your money to change the world for you, taking action is what will make a difference. The third is don't just look for busy work like signing petitions. Find other people to work with and do something collectively.

Once you've done that - give yourself permission to limit how much horrific information about the world you take in. I've spent most of this week logged out of Facebook and twitter. I've looked at instagram less in the last 48 hours, because I'm not that interested in the extended 1D universe's musings on Ukraine (I only follow the extended 1D universe on my instagram). Mute, block, unfollow - do what you need to do so you're not inundated with horrors. Or contain your phone, or certain sites, to part of your day. (I'm not saying this is easy, but keep trying things that work for you.

Next - even though the world is terrible - you need to live. There are things that make our lives better, connecting with people, making things, enjoying art (very broadly defined). Disconnect from the horrors and do some of them.

I've just come back to this after not taking my own advice. I was scrolling Facebook and reading what people said and getting quite unreasonably angry at people saying wrong things in a righteous manner. None of this is easy. I've been super anxious about the political stuff I've been doing this week. But I'm trying to do what I can.

I'll return with where I started anon - it's super normal to be really overwhelmed in the face of the world as it currently is. I hope that some of what I say is useful to you, but if it's not that's OK too. You know your own life far better than I do, and you'll know paths out of feeling overwhelmed, and also what you can do that is useful, far better than I can. Much love.

[soloh]

do you prefer being the guest or host when having a friend's get together?

I honestly don't mind too much either way usually, however when I'm hosting I do get very anxious about making sure that everyone is visibly having a good time (bc I sometimes struggle to tell 😬), so I guess ultimately for me, being the guest is better.

Plus when you're hosting you have to invite people and I always feel like I'm pushing myself onto people by trying to make plans with them bc I have garbage self esteem and assume no one wants to hang out with me, so again, probably just better for my anxiety for me to be in a guest position. I do really like dual-hosting alongside someone who is a tad more socially outgoing than me though! I enjoy the behind the scenes planning/organising aspects of hosting more than the inviting/people co-ordination part 😅

[acti-veg]

im so glad that you're well versed on responding to carnists bc some of us are too shy or socially anxious to challenge confrontational arguments irl so, thank you! i have a Q: im a vegan and i have really horrible depression, like extremely bad :/ some days it's so hard to resist a craving for something sweet that can be easily bought for convenience (which would take time+energy to make a vegan version) what do you do for sweets and chocolate? & also SUPER easy but very nutritious vegan meals?

Thank you for the kind words anon, I really appreciate that. I think that all of us can do something to advocate, however small, debate is a strength of mine but those who aren’t so inclined to that can always find other ways to advocate, things like art, cooking, organising, setting up petitions. As for your food issue, there are plenty of accidentally vegan chocolate and sweets, if you google accidentally vegan foods and your country you’ll find tonnes, there is very likely to be a vegan supermarket finds group on Facebook for your country too. Failing that, there are plenty of really simple sweets you can make yourself. You should check out my recipes list here, I only added things to the list which wouldn’t be too difficult for me to cook, and I’m not particularly good at cooking. For those days when you really don’t want to cook though, I find the easiest quick and nutrition meals are things which centre around beans, lentils, chickpeas, rice, pasta, canned veg and breads. You can do a lot with just different combinations of these foods, things like lentils/chickpeas and rice, noodles with a sauce and chickpeas/beans added to it, stir fries, pasta with tomato sauces and lentil meat balls- there are so many different things. If you are willing to cook tofu as well, which is actually very easy, then your options increase even further. These all have the advantage of being really cheap, too. I think if you can go through the initial time and effort to find simple meals you enjoy and can make, then making them consistently will get easier and easier.