#or my tendency to share way too much about myself sometimes

[justaweirdonothingtoseehere]

OKAYOKAYOKAYOKAY

THE FUCKIGN YELLOW TULIP.

I’m obsessed with the meaning of flowers. It started when a loved one died and I had to pick out flowers for her bouquet every time I visited her grabs (random oversharing).

anyway. My point.

yellow tulips represent hope and happiness.

but in Ye Olden Times, yellow flowers represented hopeless love and jealousy. Some yellow flowers still have negative connotations - such as the yellow carnation, which represents rejection and disappointment, or the yellow chrysanthemum that represents neglected love and sorrow.

so… take that as you will.

[krewekreep]

Baby Daddy Red Flags: Bleach Edition (😜🤍)

This one…this one for the sluts! 😭💕 I’m an old anime bitch like lemme get it out my system! (We gonna tag this #ToxicTalk lmaoo, this is a safe space)

(If you wanna know who we share 😒, I’ll add an asterisk or whatever. ((They still mine first 😂💝🫡)) (will update and repost with new additions, semi-live post)

***ICHIGO: Lemme get my baby daddy out the way. Biggest issues would be his availability before and after the kid. Probably got pregnant in a makeup sex situation anyway. Ichigo doesn’t seem to type to breakup but will say let’s break. Based on how selfless he is it also can be seen coming from him not being able to save his mom—so he may have a savior complex. It may seem valiant at first like “oh wow you became friends with Chad helping him with bullies? You became closer to Orihime (😒) after helping her grieve her brother? You’re such a good person!” Til you realize seniority is in place and when his friends call he drops whatever he is doing to go help. It’s been time, money, etc and increasingly his selflessness comes off as codependent. Like he can’t stop trying to make up for something that wasn’t his fault.

He will also randomly reserve to right to become reclusive. Not necessarily secretive but less energetic, talkative, or engaged. (You def realize your baby got some functional depression going on. Iykyk). Might not annoy you but the random times he doesn’t want to be touched or seemingly avoids you does hurt…but he sincerely comes back letting you know he was in a weird space etc.

Ichigo’s biggest yes or no is if you’ll be able to sometimes come second or third (likely til you marry and/or have kids with him.) His father and sisters are absolutely #1, his friends are #2, and his oath to the Soul Society and humanity at large is a consequence of him protecting the first two so that’s of course #3. See where I’m going? Even on your best days you might be upset he runs off to Rukia’s or Orihime’s aid. That he has to “save the world,”to save you too. Jealous types might really become frustrated with Ichigo. And tbh I don’t see him breaking out of his ways. He won’t see a need to because there’s real results of his good deeds in his life. He knows he’s saved lives, so he knows he can continue to—so will you be able to handle the fact his duty and mindset will be self sacrificing? I don’t know I think I’d tie him down with a baby and move on.

**KENPACHI: I fully accept and am attracted to his animalistic tendencies. I absolutely can admit that about myself 😭 but…realistically you’d def have to tell him he’s too rough during sessions. He’s grown up wayward, defensive, survival mode, stomach touching his back— during a time so seemingly historical and old who knows how bad the conditions of poverty were—most kids died if they simply weren’t rich and able to eat. Or turned to crime at extremely young ages or exploited….That’s just global history in real life. And the soul society is that much more complex and arduous. Kenpachi will be a man of few words but immense action. If you want someone who will open up even eventually that is not Kenpachi Zaraki. You will highly likely never know of his past because he will never say he is excruciatingly doing everything to never have to. And no, he won’t communicate ever if anything terrible is on his mind. Although kenpachi is coded as barbaric he really is just that protective—he’s as angry as he will be based solely upon someone’s proximity to him emotionally. You and Yaru will be so exclusively held in a regard he won’t even understand. Just the black hole of his awareness he’ll surpass anything to save y’all. He won’t speak on why Lady Unohana isn’t around anymore (new anime, manga lore). But again, when he ends up rough too many nights in a row you distance yourself from him. He can’t admit to you he disassociates and goes back to bad times. He can’t tell you your comfort and warmth makes him remember the times he needed it before—he doesn’t mean to hurt you but he lives for a fight. But he wants to stop making everything and everyone something to “conquer.” He’ll be a real deal handful and it will solely up to you to either tell him you can’t be with him until he figure shit out or you’ll stick beside him and work through it together. (In this case Yaru is the “kid” yall share, I see him being weary of birthing a child and being a dad in such a “visceral” way. Will have total abandonment trauma and just can’t see him getting over it completely to bring new life into a world he already sees the worst in tbh.) but in terms of “baby momma” treatment? Or your prioritized and protected best believe. 💕 he also will force you to learn combat cause you should be able to take care yourself too. Which might either be hot or burdensome. You’re gonna know how to fight. And tbh he might try to bring it into the bedroom on some weird let’s play fight shit so watch yourself. That’s a BIG MAN! 😭😂💕 “HA! Now that you know how do a few things why don’t you test it on me?” Big cheeky sneaky ass grin girl don’t fall for it!

BYAKUYA: This is the guy who will match your freak everywhere but in public. No PDA—actually don’t even look at him or try to talk to him in public…be professional. He will be joking with others and you’ll get upset saying “Hey! You let the other members of the society tease you?” And in private he’ll admit it’s just to keep up appearances and he hates it all. 😭 I think his biggest issue will be coming off fake or disingenuous or you’ll have a hard time sincerely seeing him cause he’ll be so different depending on where y’all are. People wouldn’t know he’s like a mom boyfriend who makes sure you eat, sleep, and keep up with yourself. Yes, he will absolutely unintentionally say something insulting like “This doesn’t suit you. Find something else.” And yes he will be very clearly on guard when in public. People will openly wonder why you’re with him tbh. Which will frustrate the both of you of which neither of you ever bring up to the other. Byakuya has lost a love before—he won’t talk about it ever. You MIGHT get something out of Rukia about it cause it was her sister but I doubt she’ll go super intimate about THEIR relationship cause she respects both his and her sister’s privacy. So you might be stuck on an eavesdropping side quest with Renji that amounts to nothing cause he’ll sense yall. He’ll be amused and somewhat touched you wanted to watch him work though. He’s usually the one keeping check or track of things so he’ll never say he likes that you peep on him and mind his business. You care about him and he knows he’s a bit unfair not allowing any PDA. But he so openly loved on Rukia’s sister he couldn’t help the shameful self imposed embarrassment once he had to walk the halls alone…Byakuya will be a very intentional, quiet lover. I doubt he’ll moan very much tbh unless he’s exhausted and allowing you to take care of him. Sometimes he’ll absolutely disappear all day into work. Other times he’ll be sure to direct his underlings to wait on you in his stead. He’s more manageable if you can accept his sometimes snarky, distant, super private ways. As a father he’ll be annoyingly big on exceptionalism and them being smart and talented. You’ll have to be sure he isn’t burdening your kid when you aren’t around. And you’ll have to be sure he doesn’t inadvertently impart his insensitive habits too. Likewise, you’ll ABSOLUTELY have to “deal or no deal” him about giving affection to your kid in public. You will absolutely have to go off and tell him it’s y’all or his image. And yeah now he’s holding both yall hands albeit defeated. 💕😭

AIZEN: Shit…girl (im black my “girl…” is gender neutral don’t be annoying 💕) you already know what it is. Yandare, selfish, self righteous, MEAN, EVIL…but fine and rich as fuck. 😔🫤 it will be a doozy to be with this one. You literally have to know and accept what you getting into bestie. I can’t even warn you, you know! 😭 but seriously if your an aizen bias you accept him as is 😭 psycho ass. So I wanna just write how’d he be as a baby daddy. Now not to get…too mature…but if you happened to be someone captured/kidnapped by him and pregnant…baby you is a victim! BUT ITS FANFIC SOOO if you were the captured baby momma that’s in his realm with him…well girl you in the realm lord you stuck. “Can I go to the human world?” “For what?” “Uh, sun?” “Humph what do you need sun for…” He’ll look down at your crying child and be like “Ugh okay whatever but Grimmjow is your chaperone.” And you won’t care cause Grimmjow lets you run off and live life. Which Aizen knows but the minute you aren’t overtly scared and submissive to him he’ll lose his weird sense of “power.” You’re man crazy bestie. He’s definitely someone you won’t talk back to until you’re a parent and equally going to advocate for your kid. He’ll realize and laugh to himself “Their not really submissive at all…little minx…” and hold you in completely new regard. “So you took me as is because you wanted to?” He’ll start thinking shit that confuses him and decide to randomly kill a grunt to distract himself like no he’s not gonna reflect into a better person. 😂 you’ll have everything you want cause you can’t go nowhere 😭. Mind you yes the sex is mind blowing so you sadly do take what positives are there…his eyes don’t fall sexually to anyone but you. His body doesn’t respond certain ways to anyone but you. And as you stand next to him more and more he’s leaning into you and your baby’s energy rather than tryna to overtake yall with his. Just don’t speak about the change and it’ll be fine. The minute you tease or openly acknowledge his becoming softer and less controlling you’ll ruin all the progress you made. Let him feel like he’s in control or whatever.

New Additions (1):

Hitsugaya: (adult of course) Hitsu will be a blend of Byakuya and Ichigo. The best aspects of him will be how attentive and actionable he is about his love for you. But — he will shy away from PDA and sometimes have moments of separated solitude. Unlike Byakuya, he will absolutely open up to PDA, just will never be the initiator of it. Maybe grab your hand at the end of the day to hurry back home or stare at you as long as he can while he observes your dutiful working. He’ll be shy always which keeps your love feeling young and refreshed. You’ll always be able to make him blush and unlike Ichigo, he’ll warm up to you imposing yourself on his alone time. He’ll be big on love making and planning when to have a child so it will be less spontaneous. He’ll have the baby registry and wishlists prepared, printed, and passed out to members of the Soul Society. He’ll enjoy trips to the human world to acquire new toys and trinkets for your baby.

As a baby daddy he’s almost too protective. You wonder what he’s been through as he’ll have a firm grip of your hips as you cradle your child. He’ll have a habit of looking at your baby and then between the both of you stunned at how he can see the perfect blend of your features on your child’s face. He’ll be very close to a simp honestly (which I’m a fan of) and be at your beck & call no matter the hour. Definitely the dad to tell you don’t worry about tending to the little one, keep resting cause he knows how tired you get. He’s honestly the perfect idea of a new father as he’ll be bumbling a bit but with so much to prove. I realize I kinda didn’t write red flags cause I truly see Hitsu adjusting to parenthood and a long term relationship the best. Only thing I can think is that he’ll be overtly willing to sacrifice himself for your family’s safety. So any massive issue in the Soul Society will make your heart sink a little because while he’s capable he’s been in enough life threatening predicaments to cause ample, appropriate worry. He’ll be hard to break out of working I think until your child starts schooling which could be frustrating cause he’ll overcompensate parenting in lieu of his work commitments. Overall, I think he’d be the baby daddy with the least to really worry about.

Renji: Oh lord— all tea, all shade this man will STRUGGLE. « What do you mean the baby is hungry AGAIN ? You just breastfed! WAIT DO NOT PULL YOUR TIT OUT IN PUBLIC WOMAN ! » He’ll have a hard time adjusting to your freedom as a breastfeeding mom for sure (if you choose to). Work ? What’s work? One thing you can count on is that he will absolutely commit to being a family man and even a stay at home dad. He’ll take all his PTO or even « quit » (basically will say don’t call me to help unless the Soul Society is about to die.) He will wait on you hand & foot because he can’t imagine how much your body and mind has gone through and the strength it takes to be so tired but smile and laugh with him and your kiddo. But, he may end up a bit controlling about you leaving the house without him. He’ll either become a sad puppy or an angry old man. « Baby…what do you mean you want me to stay home ? 😓🥺 » or «  Woman, what did I tell you about going out without me ? What if a crazy person tried to rob you ? » You laugh at him always being some level of dramatic but it may get annoying how clingy and worried he’ll become. You’ll have to remind him you lived this long for a reason…and plan to live longer, so he can chill out sometimes cause his worried nature worries you…you might benefit from guilt tripping him into apologizing and giving you a breather on leaving the house. But just know someone is watching over you. Renji would be a great cook or a terrible cook who improves over time. He might be great at catching the baby right when they poop or…end up shat on rushing to a sink. I really see him either being weirdly good at being a dad or definitely suffering from the learning curve.

Your baby will definitely be conceived in a wild love making, (maybe rough, passionate sex) session. And you’ll catch him blushing when he holds your baby and looks at you remembering the night you had. You’ll be the type to walk in on them sleeping crazily on the sofa, his arm instinctively holding your baby firm. He’ll be grateful to not have to jump up to go to work honestly. His biggest red flags will be being overbearing, needy, and likely requiring a lot of overt reassurance. (Which isn’t necessarily a red flag given he just will want to be a really good dad and partner.) Otherwise he’ll become a stubborn dad who will try (and fail) to « put his foot down. » Which will likely result in him sleeping on the sofa…💕

[crisiscutie]

Inside Out AU

Inside Out has been on my mind lately, and I thought to myself, why not do an Inside Out AU featuring Fluffy Sephiroth from my Domestic AU? I think this makes sense as within the Domestic AU, Sephiroth is not only exploring fatherhood as a major faucet of his life but also exploring new parts of himself that he never had the chance to do when he was Shinra's ultimate weapon. So for this, it's a great thing that his emotions are prepared to navigate him in this new life!

So, here's an introduction to Sephiroth's emotions!

Joy: Sephiroth's joy represents the happiness he feels, particularly from his family and the happiness he gets from doing what he loves. Joy is incredibly protective of Sephiroth's happiness since he didn't get very much (honestly, hardly anything) during his time in SOLDIER, which can lead to her making rather questionable decisions and go out of line against the other emotions. Joy always tries to make the best out of anything, even during Sephiroth's darkest moments.

Anger: Sephiroth's anger manages his sense of justice (which is carefully watched by other emotions so it doesn't become vengeance). He also shares the disciplinary father role with Pride and his protective instincts with Fear. You can always expect anger to step up to the console whenever Sephiroth's family is threatened in some way, old enemies making themselves known to him, or the triplets being wild and overbearing. Sometimes Anger goes overboard, but thankfully, he's usually tempered by Sephiroth's Joy and/or Love.

Sadness: Sephiroth's sadness helps him empathize/sympathize with others and also reflects on his past. This is incredibly important for Sephiroth as he had little opportunities to be vulnerable before his time with Domestic Darling. Sadness also ensures that Sephiroth stays grounded and true to himself. Once he was a weapon, but now, he's a free man and a loving father. Also, she is necessary to remind Sephiroth to make the most of the good moments by reminding him of what he didn't have before.

Fear: Sephiroth's fear is responsible for his survival instincts and vigilance. He makes sure that Sephiroth is always aware of the ways to protect himself, his family and their peace. If Sephiroth overhears a conversation between villagers about Shinra sending a survey team to the nearby reactor, fear is immediately hitting a button on the control panel to make Sephiroth look around and order the children to get going on their way home. Fear is usually right in knowing what's best for Sephiroth's safety: because you could never know when Shinra will raid the village looking for two of their First Class SOLDIERS or one of the kids opening a door to see the turks before them.

He keeps Sephiroth's anger in check (which may or may not fail) whenever his territorial or protective tendencies get provoked, often reminding him of what could happen if he goes too far.

Disgust: Sephiroth's disgust is responsible for filtering anything that could threaten Sephiroth's collected exterior and also, along with Pride, helps Sephiroth maintain his gracefulness. If his triplet boys are causing total messes in their rooms or the kitchen, you can always expect Disgust to know what exactly needs to be cleaned and how, all while making Sephiroth express disdain for it. She also tries to prevent from Sephiroth from engaging in antics that are far beneath him.

Pride: The purpose of Sephiroth's pride is that he is proud of his accomplishments and achievements, whether they are past and present. He keeps sadness in check to ensure that Sephiroth doesn't dwell too much on the past and doesn't have low self-esteem.

A good way to describe his outfit is to imagine Sephiroth's military ball outfit. He also makes sure Sephiroth is a stern but fair teacher to his children and also shares the protector of the family role with anger. He often guides Sephiroth's actions during sparring times or helps anger when Sephiroth is fighting a threat (with some guidance from fear.)

Love: The last but not least. Sephiroth's Love was once his weakest emotion, starting off as a fragile and sickly girl who was mostly in Joy's shadow, but as Sephiroth bonded more and more with Domestic Darling, she became stronger. Now, as a tall and powerful woman, perhaps one can argue in that she is the lead emotion in Sephiroth's mind. After all, he only ran away with Darling in the first place out of love for her.

Love handles Sephiroth's connection to darling and his children, nurturing those connections at any opportunity. She guides every move of Sephiroth during intimate moments with darling as well, though other emotions certainly try to get in on it as well at times! 😂

An important difference from Joy is that Love is more tender and reserved, but still every bit of confident and strong.

Any ideas, thoughts or questions? Let me know! Next, maybe I could share his Islands of Personality and other emotions!

[warletscarlet]

Wild Kratts Headcanons

genuinely have no clue if this fandom is dead or not but I’ve fallen down a rabbit hole and it isn’t stopping. So anyway here we go! All of my hc’s are strictly platonic, Krattcest shippers back away rn 🤺. This is the 2D characters and not referring to the actual people! I know the characters are basically them but this is specifically for the cartoon. they’re all headcanons I either liked or had myself.

-Being as close as they are, Martin and Chris are very physically affectionate with one another (and with the Tortuga crew at times, but mostly the bros). They’re always giving each other hugs or leaning on the others shoulder, or Chris just straight up climbs onto Martin’s back/shoulders.

-With their friends, the boys are always giving them hugs, small shoulder touches, things like that. It’s their natural way of interacting with the people they care about.

-The Kratts have been found sleeping in trees various times (mainly Chris). At this point nobody questions it though they do get worried about him falling out and getting hurt.

-The Kratt Bros are also sometimes found sleeping in the same hammock, whether it’s in the Tortuga or hung up on a tree branch. They usually do this when the other has a nightmare or after partially tough missions (I.E:Flight of The Pollinators, Platypus Cafe, plus other episodes but these are the ones I heard about most and I haven’t gotten to watching too much of the show again yet). Touch is their love language and sometimes they need this to remind themselves the other is okay.

-Chris climbs basically everything. He loves climbing and if you took him to a rock wall climbing gym he’d have a field day. You can find him in the oddest places on the Tortuga.

-Aviva isn’t the most touchy person but will give hugs out of gratitude/happiness.

-The brothers share a single braincell. That is all.

-Jimmy has a very close relationship to his grandmother and was raised by her; which is why he knows all of her recipes.

-Aviva is like a mom friend. Not in the sense she’s motherly but in the sense she has to babysit two hyperactive brothers who are constantly running around/getting in trouble and breaking things.

-Martin can carry Chris no problem (on his back, shoulders or bridal style), but Chris cannot carry Martin on his back/shoulders for long. Though he can hold him bridal style (as we have seen.)

-The bros are huge nerds. If you ask them about animals they will talk for HOURS about them.

-Koki is downright fabulous and can rock anything. Don’t @ me.

-Martin has ADHD and Chris has autism. Martin fidgets, gets distracted easily, and can act impulsively (though reels Chris in when Chris is the one being impulsive). He tends to run off during creature adventures. He has combined presentation ADHD and Martin also has a tendency to forget to charge his creature pod.

-As for Chris, he has autism. He doesn’t recognize social cues and corrects people when he thinks they���re wrong about something, and doesn’t realize when they’re annoyed with him for it. He also can be pretty blunt. And he has to keep things organized, such as how he organized all of his creature disks and hates them being moved out of place.

-Chris, out of everyone, cusses the most. He doesn’t around the Wild Kratt Kids but he will when with the crew/his brother. He has definitely called Zach a motherf*cker and Aviva and Martin found it hilarious.

-The Tortuga Gang have frequent movie nights, but they will never watch a movie where an animal dies with the brothers. They WILL cry.

-After the Tazzy Incident, Chris still has some Tazzy traits. Mostly just sharper canines but also more sensitive senses. He can’t hear, smell and see are well as he could when in tazzy form but it’s definitely increased from normal. His eyes also do that thing cat eyes do when they’re in the dark and the light hits them. Has 100% given Martin heart attacks and absolutely has used it to mess with Zach.

[mrs-snape5984]

„And there's a black mark where your heart should've been….“

„I could've laid down and died, but my head was spinning round. It was spinning round. I wanna know what it's like, so I can feel it inside…“ („The Blue, The Green“ by Lonely The Brave)

Trigger warning: I’ve written this post in a moment of frustration and grief. If anyone has a problem with reading the sad thoughts of a depressed, middle-aged woman with the tendency to curse and swear too much, please feel free to skip the following five paragraphs.

It’s one of those especially hard days today. I had to leave my dark room to be taken to a medical appointment. Leaving my dark room means crashing hard again…with prior announcement!

So, leaving the house goes hand in hand with a sudden feeling of disorientation. Noises, movements, lights…those are all things, which my brain can’t comprehend anymore since I’m struggling with ME/CFS. When I’m overstimulated like that, I’m losing my grip on reality. Everything gets blurry and I feel as if I don’t know, who I am anymore.

It’s hard to describe, but I need to be guided into the right direction in these situations: Walking very slowly with my cane…having a break after every few steps…being held on my other arm…always wearing my dark sunglasses and my noise canceling earplugs…all these aspects together are making me feel so helpless…

I have to take my mother with me to the doctor’s office, because I wouldn’t understand a single word otherwise. And when I’m home again, back in my dark room…lying in my bed, the big crash starts to hit me right into my face! I’m getting feverish…my whole skin hurts as if it would be pulled off my body…my lymph nodes are swollen…my limbs are hurting and I can’t make a single step anymore. My head seems to explode from aching and I’m losing my ability to communicate properly. Every fucking time!

After some hours (sometimes even up to 24 hours) of sleep, I’m regaining consciousness again…still not capable of leaving my bed. And this is the worst moment…the moment, when my brain starts thinking about the humiliating feeling of being so helpless in my age. The moment, when I’m realising, that there are still so many years left to live….probably the same way as I was living for the past 1,5 years. The moment, when I’m grieving for the life, I’ve lost. The moment, when I’m hating myself for being too sick to be the active mother, friend, employee, I’ve been before this goddamn disease ME/CFS destroyed everything!

And this is the moment, when Severus has to take over. This might sound strange, but drowning in my fantasies about him is the only way to prevent my mind from going insane. Every time, when my own reality becomes unbearable to me, I’m imagining myself to be hidden beneath his robes…searching for shelter in his arms. Severus has been my safe haven for the past 21 years…and right now I’m clinging to him as tight as I can…in order to stay alive.

The wonderfully talented @alinearthp has transformed my fantasy into this beautiful artwork and I’m more than happy with the outcome of it. Aline, my friend, I love your art and the way, we’re sharing our thoughts with each other. You are a precious person, my dear, and I’m grateful to know you. Thank you so much for everything!

🖤Severus & Julia🖤

[heartfragment]

September 2024 Update

Hello everyone - it sure has been a while, huh? 

First, let me apologize that updates are so lacking lately. Unfortunately, the past few months have been a bit of a rollercoaster. The time that should have been for working on Heart Fragment the most was unfortunately addled by some rough life circumstances. I won't go into depth too much, as it'd be a lot to put on everyone, but I want to share that the struggle exists because I believe in transparency while I keep you all updated. I don't want to worry anyone though; I feel like things are finally, hopefully, beginning to improve and I am feeling much more like myself again. 

That said, it has not been all bad! There's been a lot of positives as well and as I come out of what felt like a nightmare where I'd lost myself, I'm able to reflect on all the good things that have managed to keep me afloat. I am not going to let these setbacks keep me down forever. I've been pushing through and making progress whenever I can.

The support and patience of everyone during this time of general inactivity is extremely appreciated. I've said before and I'll say it again - the writing, programming, and development aspects of Heart Fragment has been primarily a one-person job, and sometimes that's an awful lot to carry in addition to the life struggles that one has to face. Even so, I'm still deeply passionate about finishing this project no matter what, and I am determined that I will see it through to the end.

Please know that I am not using this as an excuse for any delays or setbacks in progress. I am committed to this game and I am going my best to strike a better work-life balance moving forward. I've historically had a tendency to neglect my health and work for long hours to get things done as quickly as possible, but I am realizing more and more just how damaging that was.

With all that out of the way, let's get some good news in here!

As you know, in terms of story, the only route left to finish is Natalia's. Despite everything, I'm happy to say I've made some progress on it and I can't wait for you all to play it. There's been a lot of hype for Jasper's route that I've seen, but I hope you'll all enjoy Natalia's story too - it is a very complex one with a lot of layers to it, and I think anyone who has played the previous routes will have a fun time picking up all of the little details. 

I know it may seem like progress has been slow, and I thank you all once again for your patience and understanding. I am really putting my heart and soul into this project. The enthusiasm and encouragement that I've seen over the last while has been a driving force for me not to give up and my day is always brightened when someone has something positive to say about Heart Fragment. It is like a little spark of hope that keeps me running!

Until next time, everyone! Thanks again for your continued support. With lots of love,

Casper Swann

[mythosidhesdollhouse]

Comfi Cardi update & completed project! Went on a bit of a journey with this one, which I'll explain under the cut XD Before I get into that I thought it would be fun to share Naturally Perfect Grace (formerly Camryn) alongside one of my favorite Rainbow High makeovers, since they share a very similar color palette (I used the same crochet thread for the edging on the cardi and the main body of Coco's skirt).

The fibers used for the cardi are Elite Shawl Glitz (discontinued) from Ice Yarns; and Lizbeth Size 10 crochet thread in 122-Caribbean.

So. I started off following the Comfi Cardi tutorial using the yarn weight and hook size indicated to make a garment for American Girl dolls. What quickly became apparent was that this piece was going to be MUCH too large for the doll I intended to wear it. Although Naturally Perfect and American Girl dolls are both 18 inches tall, their body types are quite different. I was aware of this, but as I do not own and have never handled an AG I had no clear idea of just how great the difference was until I began this project.

Nevertheless I continued to work my way through the various sections, both to familiarize myself with the process and to create a visual aid to refer to on my next attempt. I stopped just short of the finishing stages (sewing the sides and adding the ribbing) for easier reference, though I did work a row of the ribbing stitch on one of the cuffs and sew down the side to try it on the doll and make sure I understood the directions before pulling it out again (no reason to leave the yarn attached and trailing about).

The other reason for finishing the main work on this piece is simply that I hope sometime in the near future to acquire an appropriately sized doll to wear it! If not AG then Our Generation or similar. At that point I can circle back and complete it.

Once I had worked through the pattern-as-given I had the guidelines I needed to start over and create a piece custom fit to my doll. I switched from a light(3) to a fine(2) weight yarn, and went down to a B-2mm hook. Checking against the doll as I went I ended up reducing the main granny square from 11 rounds to 9, then adjusted the front panel and sleeve lengths accordingly.

For the cuffs and edging, instead of ribbing I opted for something more in line with my personal aesthetic, and chose a couple of simple lace stitches that would adapt easily to this scale and allow me to incorporate some beadwork and a button. These beads were leftover from jewelry I made in the late 90s and have been knocking around my stash ever since; it was particularly satisfying to almost use them up on a piece intended for my tiny doppelganger XD I'll probably incorporate the few that remain into one of her necklaces.

And that's it! I'm looking forward to doing this again for my other Naturally Perfect girl, after I complete her skirt. For simplicity's sake I'm going to repeat the same layout with different yarn/beads/thread. After that I might try scaling it down even further for my 14 inch dolls, but knowing my tendency to get distracted I don't want to plan too much in advance.

Big thanks again to @joshybearhuggies for sharing such a clear, well-paced, easy to follow tutorial! Over the past 15 or so years I've gathered my crochet techniques from books, written patterns, and stitch diagrams, but video instruction is an area I haven't ventured into much. This project was such pleasant experience I'm definitely going to be on the lookout for similar content in the future.

[yanderes-galore]

I love LOVE Speedwagon, especially when he's an old man in part 2 (gotta love some old man y'know what I mean?? God bless fr)

If it was possible, could I ask for prompts 6 and 8 with an old man Speedwagon??

6.) "A good partner must be willing to make sacrifices for their beloved! Don't you agree?"

8.) "I could look into those eyes forever...

I know scenarios can make requests easier, so maybe it's old man Speedwagon talking to Joseph just how much he loves his old ass spouse (in a kinda obsessive but cute way lol)

I'll try my best! The prompts and plot make him a soft yandere so I tried my best ^^ Been a bit since I saw Part 2 so this is a post-Battle Tendency AU.

Yandere! Part 2! Speedwagon Prompts 6 + 8

"A good partner must be willing to make sacrifices for their beloved! Don't you agree?"

"I could look into those eyes forever..."

Pairing: Romantic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Soft yandere, Joseph is concerned, Isolation, Speedwagon's lucid yet also delusional to his obsession, Possessive behavior, Dubious relationship.

"It's so nice that you're able to settle down, Joseph." Speedwagon laughs softly. "I can see you love your wife very much."

Joseph responds with a laugh of his own, sitting at a table before the elderly man that's helped his family so much. The two were close allies ever since the defeat of Kars. Since then, Joseph has seen Speedwagon as a parental figure.

"I assume you've had your fair share of partners? Or have you decided to live alone?" Joseph asks, noticing Speedwagon pause before looking away.

"Oh, I do have one I hold close. Met them a long time ago and I have loved them ever since." Speedwagon sighs happily, leaning his head on his hand.

"Oh really, old man?" Joseph hums, intrigued. "How come I've never seen them?"

"They... They don't typically like to go out. Probably for the best!" Speedwagon chuckles. "I'd rather they stayed away from all the Pillarman trouble."

"Do they live in America?" Joseph asks, curious to know about Speedwagon's spouse. He's never mentioned them before.

"Oh yes! We got married here and have been happy ever since." Speedwagon grins, smiling with a dreamy look on his face.

"For not mentioning them you seem to love them an awful lot...." Joseph smiles, relating to the old man. After all, he loved his wife probably just as much.

"Of course... I'd do anything for them." Speedwagon vows. "I'd buy them whatever, I'd care for them, I'd... keep them all to myself..."

"I could look into those eyes forever..." Speedwagon sighs, eyes closed. "My love has always been beautiful... even now when we're both old. It's just the two of us... as it should always be...."

Joseph hears Speedwagon's tone shift into a whisper. A puzzled look comes across the young man's face when he notices the elder's demeanor change. Was... that normal?

"I always keep a picture of them!" Speedwagon beams, passing a photo of his spouse to Joseph. Joseph looks over the photo. They seem to be smiling... but something's off.

"I see... how about me and Suzi visit you and your spouse sometime?" Joseph offers, now noticing Speedwagon freeze.

"N-No... ah... my spouse likes to be alone, Joseph." Speedwagon smiles, but Joseph can notice a darker tone coming from him.

Joseph frowns... something isn't right... is his spouse okay?

"Oh... are they reclusive?" Joseph presses.

"Yes! Yes... they... they are only really comfortable around me in our home." Speedwagon nods. "Even then... it took a bit to be used to me too."

"Really...?" Joseph urges Speedwagon to continue.

"When we first got together it took some... adjusting." Speedwagon admits, chuckling to himself. "They originally didn't like staying in the house all the time... they were a bit frugal with affection... but with a little coaxing they accepted me."

Joseph pauses, staring the the old man. Did... did he just admit he coerced his spouse? Does... he know that?

"Are you sure they love you...?" Joseph whispers.

"What kind of question is that!?" Speedwagon snaps. "Of course they do!"

There's a long pause between the two... tension lingering in the air. Joseph is unsure how to respond before Speedwagon continues.

"T-The point is... a good partner must be willing to make sacrifices for their beloved! Don't you agree?" Speedwagon smiles, although Joseph can see a nervous quiver come from the elder.

"Y-Yeah... yeah I can see what you mean-" Joseph murmurs, looking away.

"Speaking of spouses... perhaps you should return to your own." Speedwagon suggests, tone taking a dark turn again before standing up. "I'm sure my own misses me, too."

"You're right... good talk, old man!" Joseph laughs nervously before the two men go their separate ways.

Joseph doesn't feel all that great after chatting with Speedwagon. He seems like such a great guy... but is what he said true? The thought haunts him.

Even as Joseph returns to Suzi Q... his thoughts go back to Speedwagon's spouse... he worries for the poor spouse but what can he do?

How long had they put up with him... and were they really happy with him?

He may never know.

[cinderspots]

Do you guys ever think of how beautiful it is that even when you come and go, you live on?

Specifically, I'm talking about word and speech patterns. For me and several other people I know, when I am close with someone, I intake the things they say and make them a part of my vocabulary. Isn't that nice to know? That there is a forever inside joke between people you once knew and the ones you know now?

When I was a sophomore in high school, I knew these two girls, one a senior and one a junior. Now I am friends with said senior post high school, but at the time, I and her did not talk. But i adored the junior, who was best friends with the senior. Not in any sort of weird crush way but more like the friend crush, they are so cool type of thing- but the junior had a habit of saying "so true" in response to very serious or silly things with no remorse or impulse control before backtracking when they realized it wasn't appropriate- they told me that they started doing it because of the senior. And then even now, years later, I myself saying "so true" like a parrot who's repeating the words of an owner no more, but remembers all the same.

When I was even younger, a baby freshman, I was (to my undying embarassment) not only a wattpad enjoyer but a wattpad role player. If you don't know what that is- close your eyes and let yourself remain innocent young one. There was this one person I roleplayed with in particular @imsososolesbian that had a fixation on the oxford comma- that's right I wasn't born with the comma affliction- and after talking to them (with the // of real conversation before we immediately decided we'd rather just talk to each other than play pretend) I noticed that I had developed this habit of using the comma far far too much (the disease unfortunately is uncurable and set for life) because the speech pattern worked on me through text rather than talk. Me and that person don't talk anymore and that's really sad sometimes, but I like to think that maybe I gave them something back, like my tendency to leave auto cap on so all my texts start with a capital unless I'm on my computer. We pass each other like ships, and I try to check in, and they do the same, but we aren't quite as close as before. That's okay.

Also in Freshman year I became friends with a group of kids on my bus (it ends in tragedy and the familiar ridiculous high school drama) and this one girl in the group who was my age and shared chemistry with would spell out LOL with her hands and say the letters individually- to be ironic it occurs to me now, but back then I just thought it was funny. At first, when I adapted it into my vocabulary, I did it the same, but I found that my brain did not like moving my hand along with it, and so I just spelled it. LOL and LMAO were and still are my big offenders because I was not doing it to be ironic. That girl literally altered my brain chemistry, and I can not think of it another way. Because the things we take from others are changed in our care, but that doesn't make it any less shared.

Hearing Mariah Carey, who i actually did not care about before we had this tiff about her last Halloween, makes me think of @bee-nutauthor . Because it doesn't always spread the way i expect, the song, the name, the words themselves make me think of my friend. I don't look at art anymore and just think in legible thoughts, I eat art, I eat your praise, I bark at things I like a lot, I use abomination words that do not exist, I am extremely familiar with pompompurin because @dead-finch-420 a fixation, in fact Finch is my fixation spreader because theyre always dragging me into it. Isn't that nice too? To be thought of when someone enjoys media, to be remembered we long as that media exists and if not there in memory of it? Because the closer I am to someone, the worse it is. In all the other examples, I would describe the people I picked things up from as an acquaintance friend. Not particularly close, but close enough. When I see bugs, I first scream (loudly), and then I think, "Would Lemni like this?"When I watch horror or see the sky during the night, or view the snow as it falls, I think,"Would MJ like this?" I think and think and think and it's all because of these things, these words, the visions, and I see everyone I've ever known in everything there is to see.

In my Junior year I started to use the word "girl" and "girlie" because of a coworker that I grew very close to used it very very often on me, she also inflicted me with the "like" curse for its second round on my brain- it hasn't gone away since. We still talk because I can remember you when you're still here, which can be sad sometimes, but also comforting in a way. If I can remember you while you're here, I can remember you when you're gone.

@split-milk-7 Someone who I view to be my best friend has inflicted many vocabulary additions. We met on a re8 Miranda discord because Miranda lovers are so very rare, and we decided that of course we should be friends married and we are technically wife and spouse. But they had a particular fixation on using "bestie" to refer to me every other sentence. I am physically incapable of not using the word "bestie" in a sentence while talking aloud to people. I could not resist it. My brain decided it liked that word above all, and so here I am.

@h-doodles I was never someone who bit before I joined the meower server, filled with people who I consider to be my closest friends in the world - and I've never met a single one of them. I find that I like biting. I will think of them eternally as the meowers, for all our jokes will live in my head for years until I can no longer remember why I say these things, but I say them all the same. Because it's inevitable that you forget, but do they need to remember you for your words to live on? People will continue to say the things you said, and they may not know you gave that to them, but it will continue to spread the same way slang spreads eternally. It lives. @zeleneagle, I am not awake, I am an awaker. For some reason, I use :3 now. I bite because I love, and sometimes because angy, boi, floof, birb, borb, whatevah, music, movies, pictures, life, and death, it's everywhere.

To me, you are everywhere.

And I think that's beautiful in a way that I myself can not always appreciate, on the days when the world seems so dull and empty and unwelcoming and so not made for me. I think I should try and think of this when it gets like that, when my bed feels like the only place I can be safe. That the world is full of you and friends and love alongside the enemies and hate and sadness. And if the world is full of you, then doesn't that also mean it's full of me? That I might live on in others the same way you live on in me? That I made an impact on someone, however minor, that I mattered? That you mattered?

I wonder what I've given off to someone else to live on and be remembered for. I hope it wasn't something stupid like me saying people's names in a British accent and pronouncing it really wrong on purpose.

They might resent me a little for that

[paladin--strait]

promt: i’ll take care of you

w/ Jamie Drysdale. reader takes care of sick jamie

-

jamie rarely gets sick. but when he does, it's bad. so when jamie starts coughing and sneezing, complaining about a runny nose, he knows to call in sick.

he hates calling in sick, especially during the season. he hates the feeling of watching his team play on the tv, knowing he could be there to help them and to play with them. so when he gets sick, i try to take his mind off of the fact he's missing games.

when i left the house to get ingredients for the chicken noodle soup jamie loves so much when he sick, he was watching tv on the couch. but when i get back, he's nowhere to be seen.

the keys rattle when i set them in the decorative dish that jamie surprised me with when we first got our apartment. "jamie? i'm home?" i call out to him and stand in the silence, waiting for his response. but i get nothing. "jamie?" i call out again while i set the groceries down on the kitchen counter. i'll put those up later.

the door to our shared bedroom down the hallway is cracked open, and light peeks out. i shrug and walk in, "jamie?" i say quietly, just in case he's sleeping somewhere. he has a tendency of sleep walking when he's sick and can sometimes end up in the strangest places.

i found him sleeping in the hallway closet with the door closed one time and another time i found him in the bathtub.

i hear a pained groan coming from the bathroom and the door is lightly kicked open. i walk over and see him on the floor by the toilet, eyes red and shirt off. "it feels like my stomach is trying to digest itself..." he says, eyes closed and lips quivering.

"oh baby, i'm sorry. let's get you in bed and i'll go make your soup. maybe it'll help you feel better." i say, holding his hand and helping him up. i pat his head softly when he lays it down on my shoulder. i take him to the bed and sit him down, going to grab a washcloth from the hallway closet quickly.

"but i'm fine..." he says with a raspy throat. "i think i'll go back to work tomorrow." when i walk back in the room, i give him a look and he lays back down when he sees my face. "never mind, i think i'll just stay here."

"that's what i thought. jamie, i don't think you'll be going back this week. you're really sick." i wet the washcloth and walk over to him to wipe his face a bit. he whines, and i purse my lips, giving him a sorry look. "i'm sorry baby. i know you miss your team and playing, but the more you rest and take care of yourself the sooner you'll be better. remember the last time you went back too early? you threw up on the ice during a game."

jamie chuckles a little which makes me smile a bit. i lay down next to him and we talk for a bit before he falls asleep, and i make my way to the kitchen to make his soup.

while i'm cooking, i remember the first time i was told about this magical soup. it was the first time jamie called in sick while we were dating. i called his mom to ask if there was anything i could get him or do for him that would help him feel better.

she quickly sent me the recipe for this soup that she made him every time he was sick as a child. as soon as i got off the phone with her, i made my way to store to get the ingredients. and now everytime i make it for him, he always tells me how much it reminds him of home.

its seems the more i make it, the more it turns out like how his mom used to make it for him. it makes me happy to see him feeling better after eating it. i sing along to some music on the radio while i finish up the soup, adding in the last bit of spices and putting it in a bowl for jamie and making myself a bowl too.

when i walk into the bedroom jamie is awake and on his phone, but when he looks over at me and sees the bowl in my hand, he knows what it is. i don't even have to tell him to sit up and put a pillow in his lap so the bowl doesn't burn his thighs.

jamie has a designated pillow for his soup. he only uses it when he's sick and needs something to help the bowl not to burn his legs. he calls the pillow 'noodle' as in 'chicken noodle soup'. it's silly but he named it and it helps him to not be in pain with burns on his thighs later so i don't say anything about it.

jamie tells me how good the soup smells and that he already feels better. i sit beside him with my own bowl of soup and put on the flyers game so jamie can watch his teammates play. sometimes jamie doesn't want to watch the game if they're losing, because it makes him upset to see some of the mistakes his team makes and to know that he could be there to help them.

but this time they're winning, so he's happy. when i look over at jamie a few minutes later, he looks so content with his bowl of soup in his lap and his hockey game on the tv. i can't help but secretly take a photo to send to mama drysdale.

she replies quickly, sending me the emoji with the watering eyes with a red heart. she then thanks me for taking care of her 'sweet boy'. i tell her that it's no problem and that i would always take care of him.

the spoon in his now empty bowl of soup makes a swooshing sound as it rolls around the top of the bowl when he sits it down on the bedside table. jamie looks over at me, "thank you baby. you know it tastes so much like the soup that my mom made for me when i was younger." he smiles softly and kisses my cheek. "i know i always say that, but i swear it tastes more and more like hers every time you make it."

i smile and thank him, "i wish i could taste hers to see if you're lying to me, jimbo." i laugh, "i'm just messing with you. but seriously, don't trick me jimothy drysdale."

jamie laughs at the nicknames, which makes me bellow out a laugh too. he lays down on top of me, putting his head on my chest and he shuffles around, getting comfortable. "thank you for taking care of me, sweetheart."

"jamie, i'll always take care of you." i say, smiling down at him. and its true, time and time after that, i took care of jamie. and i'll take care of him in the future too.

[sordidmusings]

Update! (Again lol): plans, loss, and music

Howdy doody! I’ll get to the fic stuff lickety split cuz I imagine that’s the most pertinent for most. Next TLC soon to be posted and the part after that under way again! Just have to finish up checking up the next section as it was done before but was one of the fics claimed by one of my cringy “want to delete my existence” moods 💀🤡 that’s where my ao3 and masterlist went too so whoops lol did save my stuff from getting posted under someone else’s name once so sometimes that cringe instinct works out for the better 👌🏻 still trying to kick the habit tho 💀 but yeah just gotta clean it over and get it back up again! Thank you for your patience 🤍

Comfort fic with Croc is well underway! Sorry that that’s taking longer than expected and an even bigger sorry to the request for Croc and reader team bonding smut cuz that boys been taking ten million years. Both of you, I appreciate your patience too and hope to make it worth the wait!!

X Marine reader headcanons almost done in their first part! Doing the first installment as general headcanons/vibe and the backstory for them, the second being a detailed how they met, and the third being a big event for the relationship like a confession or one saving the other or coming to terms with the relationship being doomed etc etc. it kinda spiraled out of control on ideas as I have a tendency to do sorry 😅

Besides a Law fic, those are the priorities right now tho there’s also kinktober to discuss. I’ve always always wanted to do kinktober but I’m still not good enough. I’ve been trying to do some prep for it and think I may be able to get many headcanons out for the month on it but again I’m not at a quality or in life circumstances where I can make it happen with actual fic this year.

And with life circumstances, yeah there’s business with jobs and obligations and taking care of people and trying to take care of myself, but my great struggle for the past stretch of weeks and onwards is the death of my mentor, friend, and father figure who was my piano teacher. He was older but it was very sudden and we’ve all been scrambling to contend with the loss of him and try to keep all the programs he was running afloat and keep his memory and influence alive. His reach in the music community and the genuine depth with which he connected to others is now a huge wound for many of us. He was a person of exceptional quality and heart. There’s a memorial concert for him mid October that I’m one of the performers in and I’m glad it’s forcing me to practice because piano has been really hurting. Everything has been. I was already struggling to keep on top of things and in the face of this I really am floundering pretty bad, despite trying to take care of it myself cuz I know I was already asking much of others having to listen to me sometimes and most people go mute in the face of death and I don’t want that to be my experience with others right now.

So to share something more positive in this experience, here is a snippet of the piece I’m polishing back up for the memorial concert.

You’ll hear me mention briefly in the middle a “church bells section”. I was talking with @gingernut1314 about this piece while showing her some other stuff and so I gave context about why I chose it for his memorial. For ease imma just pop in a copy of that lol

{This is from the piece that I’m polishing back up for Ian’s memorial concert! It’s the second movement of Debussy’s Images for Piano. I finished learning all three with Ian. The first is likely my favorite, the third is a MONSTER (but that atm just kinda makes me want to get that back up again too to Conquer it lol), but the second one has the right mood for a memorial and is the one I spent the most time working on with him for expression (took forever to get it right and some of it was still only like just almost there when my recital came around 🤡) and it was the one I think he was happiest with how I played in the end. The final bit of the movement is just breathtaking and peaceful tho it does end sad. Ian talked about his time studying in Europe and visiting France and church bells echo on the mountainside there and that that’s the type of imagery to evoke there. He was a devout man himself and I thought that that being the end to something I play for his memory would make him happy.}

Thank again sweet pea for your time listening to me play and talk about classical piano and such in general!!! I appreciate you 🧡🧡🧡 and thank you to any of you who give this vid a listen and have this post a read. I hope to bring actual substance and treats to you all soon!!! I working on it I swear 💀💀💀

On a final note that sums basically all this shit up, that mentioned Law fic is something I’ve been mucking through to process some by engaging with a death that isn’t related to me. So! It is a fic where reader helps Law finally open up all the festering feelings and thoughts he wouldn’t let himself express around Cora’s death. I’ll give a more proper shout out there, but thank you to the people who have shown me kindness and understanding and friendship in the past couple months. You all know who you are (hopefully haha) - I try to impress these things directly to you as well but it felt right to say it here as well. Interacting with you all has impacted me positivity and you all make the world a more welcoming and loving place 🤍🤍🤍

I’d also like to extend a thank you to anyone interacting with any of my posts! I often feel invisible and unworthy so acknowledgements even small and passing are a nice !!!! to my brain and I appreciate it❣️

Talk to yall soon!

Oh and as a stupid ps cuz I forget things and have nowhere else to put this random thought - expect some One Piece crochet content sometime dhdjfhkdnd I’m finally almost fuckin done with a damn Bepo design that’s been fighting me forever 😤😤😤 same with a Cora swan lol might sneak some regular crochet and more piano in there too for shits and giggles but we’ll see - anyone else get The Guilt when you post things that don’t feel like the thing you promised or should ehcjfjldmccl cuz this bitch do and it keeps me from doing like anything cuz I’ve got a clinical case of the Brain Sillies 🤷🏼‍♀️ anyway - smooches!!!!

Oh and if you’re afraid to comment or like cuz the death topic - I won’t think anyone is being an ass for not mentioning it lol I brought it up for context and because he is so important to me not because I expect people on a post to do something about it. So as with all my content, no worries!! This is a Chill Zone that just so happens to have sad hours semi regularly but we vibe lol

[shallowseeker]

okay so, yesterday I found your spn meta by chance and fell in love with them 'cause more than writing they're like images, like they really depict things and I just immediately understand what you mean instantly + I started to rewatch Steve Yockey's episodes 'cause I feel like I like his writing (lots of queer! lots of rom-com references! but it's all done so intellingently, I love it!) but ALSO sometimes it doesn't translate to me + I just saw you wrote about "Optimism"= I GOTTA ASK: what's your take on "Optimism"? I don't understand what the Zombie story and the Musca one should reveal about the characters. Visually, it looks like the Musca = Charlie, so Harper and the zombie are ??? I'm mad at myself 'cause I don't seem to get what the show is telling me so I'm hoping you can share what the show tells YOU and, vicariously, I can get it as well (lol). THANK YOU!

Hi! Hello!

Oh, really? That's so cool. I still have trouble thinking of myself as a "meta writer." I don't mean to be. I just like to ramble. But cool! It's probably mostly that we think alike and are sympatico in some key ways. :-) Always fun to find kindred spirits!

///

O P T I M I S M

I have so many thoughts on Optimism. It's one of my fave episodes! I actually did a re-watch-slash-convo with some friends on Discord and just transcribed the very, very, very LOOONG bulk of it today!

I haven't written much on the Musca. After spending a lot of time of @scoobydoodean's blog, I've just about decided the Musca plot is actually a Sam's emotions-through line more than it is a true dark mirror. Even AU Charlie is cheeky about it:

AU CHARLIE (annoyed at Sam, about the Musca): Your nifty metaphor has holes.

Basically, Charlie is saying that mirrors aren't one-to-one, and that trying to force-fit them into being one-to-one can be super annoying sometimes.

//

CHARLIE - Every two hundred years there is "bad egg". When a male fails to find a mate, he abandons his community and starts using peoples bodies to "nest". Binding them together with a viscous goo. And when the goo fits...

//

The Musca/fly is at face-value:

A) A bodysnatcher plot: In that regard, it could be like all angels, demons, or anyone inhabiting a body. (Cas, Lucifer, Michael, Crowley, etc.) Ergo, it's a dark, uncharitable Cas mirror the way Dave Mathers outlaw wraith was in Tombstone. It could be saying that Cas "failed" among "his own people" and cruelly took up space in a human body. But that would be grossly oversimplifying the whole situation, saying that Cas "should have stayed with his people," which ofc doesn't work.

It, as Charlie says, "has a lot of holes." @ilarual has written a lot about the totalitarian structure of Heaven. And Sam himself wants Cas around. As far as metaphors go, it's a dud for Cas.

B) It's a failure to thrive plot: Because the Musca "failed" in The Real World with its Own People, perhaps failed to live up to The prescriptive Dream of Success (TM), now it's wreaking havoc on others.

Sam himself "failed out" of Harvard. He "choked." Kevin Train and Patience Turner are also Failed Gifted Students. Losers who didn't live up to their potential. This could even apply to Chuck, binding together his characters because he's a Loser with a capital L.

///

ANYWAY, I feel like the Music plot is a "red herring" for a few reasons.

One: The main Harper plot is about breaking narratives, about not relying so much on books. And then Charlie says this:

CHARLIE: Goo. So, yeah. I'd say this is the right place. Now, I'm just trying to figure out what we are dealing with. Thus, books.

Aside: Later Cas says sarcastically in Ouroboros that Sam and Rowena, "Have many, many books."

So, there's this niggling indictment of trying to find too much truth in books...

///

Two: Sam has a tendency to see something and, like, imprint on it. He tends to fall into "It's just like me!" instead of speaking frankly about the present situations and emotions.

*In American Nightmare, he sees Madga Peterson, an abused child* -> "She's just like me!"

*In Somewhere in Between Heaven and Hell, he sees someone lying about something completely unrelated to his current situation* ->"Omg, they're lying to them, like I'm lying to Dean! It's just like me!"

*In Lost & Found, he meets Jack Kline, who is Lucifer's son "OMG, he's just like me!" -> *spoiler alert* Jack is not in fact much like Sam at all. -> Sidenote: instead of speaking frankly about how Dean is grieving, how Lucifer killed Cas and likely killed Mary, he uses complex euphemisms with Jack, ones that actually obscure the reality of the situation! This winds up annoying Jack and making him pull away from Sam.

///

IMHO...Sam isn't...naturally all that great with emotions.

He tries really, really hard, and he loves patterns, but he's always seeming to force-fit situations and scenarios into neat little boxes so he can passively-aggressively use it to indirectly communicate something he feels about himself.

He has a very cognitive empathy style. Bless him.

///

So what's REALLY going on here?

Well. In this episode, he wants Charlie to stay. He wants Charlie to stay and fill a void the other Charlie left behind. He wants Charlie to stay really, really badly. And he beats around the bush about it.

At first, he sidesteps his own emotions by passive-aggressively implying that it's Dean that in fact needs her.

CHARLIE: He'll be fine. Your brother, I mean. He's got other friends, right? SAM: Plenty. Uhm, he used to have a pretty damn good wingman. CHARLIE: So call that guy to check on him. SAM: That guy was you. CHARLIE: No, it wasn't. SAM: Right, I, uh, sorry. I didn't mean that.

And then by trying to make the case fit her.

He's very indirect and weird about it. Because he's Sam. (It's a contrast to the effortless, awkward-but-honest communication style we see from characters like Jack and Dean in this very episode.)

SAM: Charlie, you can't just quit and go live on a mountain somewhere. People need people. CHARLIE: Why? Cause they're the luckiest people in the world? SAM: Look, come on. We just do. We're social animals. CHARLIE: Emphasis on animals. SAM: Yeah, but you're also a hunter. The things that we've seen, it's not so easy to just walk away from it all. Believe me, I've tried. Our Charlie tried. CHARLIE: Yeah, well again, she ain't me. It's my life, Sam. Not hers. And not yours.

Ah, yes. Instead of saying, “I want you here,” it’s, “people need people.”

And Hell, sometimes indirect communication works! Like how Dean and Cas use Felix the snake to indirectly communicate with Jack in Peace of Mind!

But the difference with Sam is...he's not using this indirect communication style to find out how Charlie feels (the way Dean and Cas use the snake to suss out how Jack feels).

No, he's using the whole thing to try to tell Charlie what he thinks is best for her! To tell her things, not find out things.

Eventually, he breaks and says what he actually thinks, but only after AU Charlie is starting to lose her patience with him:

SAM (faux-sadly): Got to say, I do feel kind of bad for the Musca. I mean, he could have been happy if he'd stayed with his people. Didn't have to go off on his own just because... CHARLIE (exasperated): Okay, I get it. I am just like the bug and I shouldn't go out on my own.

OMG, Sammy! It's okay if we want to hit Sam sometimes, right? I too wanted to hit him after he said this to Charlie.

CHALIE: But your nifty metaphor has holes. I wasn't looking for love. I found it and I lost it. And I didn't kill people and literally nest in their body parts so...(Scene cuts to other Musca removing the body of the dead one) SAM: Okay, yeah I know, I know, How about this? Don't leave. 

(Aside// I think this is a cheeky nod to the fact that Cas and Dean weren't looking for love either. In fact, they tried (and keep trying) really, really hard not to love each other. Their real life was faaaar more complicated than some simple "bodysnatcher plot.")

But thank God--Sam finally says outright what he needed to say to Charlie: Don't leave.

Now, it probably would've been better if he's gone a step further: "I don't want you to leave," but for Sam, this is pretty good progress.

SAM: Hear me out. Sure some people can do bad things when they're desperate or scared. But the guy we just saved, he has a wife and children. I'm not saying that all people are good people or even that most people are but if we help people then maybe they'll help people and all that. And that's worth it. Even with all the tears and death. It's worth it. CHARLIE: Just to be super clear, I am not like the fly monster. (Sam chuckles) But, I'll think about staying.

So I think OVERALL the Musca plot is really about highlighting Sam's difficult communication style, and I think it's intentionally being cheeky about it how it's using a "really "dumb metaphor" with gaping holes!

It's about how Sam tries to force-fit the case of the week into saying what he wants it to say...instead of just saying it.

///

I think Sam has a little bit of a "mental main character syndrome." He sees a scenario and moves directly into cognitive empathy, reading the situation and thinking:

How can I apply this to myself? Or make it a stand-in for either something I want to believe about myself or a stand-in for something I want to say indirectly?

Sometimes you'll see ppl insist that Sam is the "MC" because every storyline tells you "something about Sam." But I'm more in the camp that it's Sam's inherent cognitive style of empathy at work, desperately reworking anything and everything to make it apply to himself.

Whereas Cas and Dean (and Jack) have a truer emotional style of empathy, connecting with people for who they actually are, as they are.

That's not to say that both styles can't be manipulative when we want them to be. But Sam really struggles with his style in a way I feel like Dean and Cas do not. Dean and Cas perhaps don't even realize what effective communicators they actually are!

///

My other thoughts on Optimism:

[ellaenchanting]

Hypnovember Day 10: Confidence

"Misses Weatherby, may I presume to ask you a somewhat forward question?"

"Why, yes my dear Misses Honeycutt. Of course you may!"

"Please," the younger woman said, admiring her companion's fine golden hair. "Call me Amelia".

Her laugh was like a tinkly Christmas bell. "Well, of course Amelia. And you may call me Harriet. Or- Sleeping Harriet if you prefer the distinction from my awake self. I do think there is a distinction there- is there not? I must confess, there's a certain freedom to feeling like I do now."

"I agree, Sleeping Harriet, " replied Amelia. "When you are awake you are full of hesitation and furtive glances, but entranced you appear quite liberated indeed! "

"Ah," Harriet Weatherby sighed. "Yes, it is my duty when awake to respect the social niceties and boundaries of our relatively new companionship. Bothersome. I'm very glad you were clever enough to respond to my curiosity about mesmerism so that we may have these opportunities to share ourselves more fully!"

"Indeed," blushed Amelia Honeycutt. "I...had noticed that you have invited me over several times to offer yourself for my mesmeric experiments. Wealthy ladies like you sometimes have the curiosity to experience it once- often under the guidance of a handsome young mesmerist, mind you- but you have requested my company quite a few times. "

"Well, of course my dear Amelia. You are so tender and gentle with me and I feel deeply refreshed after our sessions. Even George notices, and he hardly notices anything not in a book. Also- I adore your companionship! You are so well read and intelligent and your conversation could delight me for hours."

"Well," the young woman continued gently. "That is part of what I wanted to ask you today. Are you- fond of me, Harriet?"

Harriet seemed almost offended. "Of course I am fond, dearest Amelia! The fondest! Have you not been listening to what I've been saying?..."

"No," interrupted the young mesmerist. "I mean- I know this is quite unusual but- I find myself quite fond of you, Harriet. In that I think of you often. In that I find myself sketching your lips, your eyes, your neck. In that- I picture us...indecently. Together....In your marital bed." She blushed, overcome by her rush of words. "And I have noticed your tendency to touch my hand a little too long or bite your lip when you look at my mouth. And, well, I know that the mesmerized tend to be quite honest as a matter of course so I thought I should ask you in this moment of candor -are you fond of me too?" She was so nervous the last words came out in almost a squeek.

Harriet gave her friend a very serious look indeed. "Amelia. I am quite, quite fond of you. In fact, I find myself besotted, picturing you all throughout the night. Only- my dearest - my feelings cause me so much pain! For I quite adore you but my waking self- she feels it is entirely inappropriate. She is very loyal to George, you see, and would not dream of causing the scandal that would result from actually pursuing her affection for you."

She began to tear up.

"My dear- she will never let us be together! How horrid!"

She dove into Amelia's open embrace.

Amelia smiled, reassuringly. "But- my love! Now I know that you return my affection! Surely we can find a way through." She held the distraught Harriet closely, soothing her. Then- an idea came.

"What if- what if we were to hold this in confidence?"

"In confidence?" gulped her companion.

Amelia nodded. "Yes, Harriet. Or, rather, Sleeping Harriet. You and I will just hold our amorous relationship in the greatest, most secret confidence. Not only shall none around us know but- Why! Even Awake Harriet will be fooled! We will just tell her not to remember and she will experience no unease as a result of our companionship."

"A secret relationship," Harriet contemplated. "Secret even from me. Held in trust and confidence."

She seemed to decide something.

"Oh dearest Amelia! It's like a novel! How romantic!"

She threw her arms around her lover.

"But- sweetness? What if she notices?" asked Harriet.

"She won't," said Amelia, assuredly. "Not if we both are committed to keeping the secret. She doesn't need to know. And it's not unusual for ladies like us to take on bosom companions."

"Oh! How splendid! Oh dearest- I am overcome!" said Harriet, swooning. "I cannot wait to spend more time in your arms. Shall we consummate our love in the French way?"

Amelia smiled slyly.

And, in the French way, they did.

@mentat101posts @thekinkycocktailclub @jam-and-stuff

[roeyliteratiforever]

These may be some unpopular opinions on Gilmore Girls and what I think their Astrology signs are. I'll share some of mine. Feel free to share your thoughts of what you think some characters sign might be.

Lorelai is such an Aquarius - She is very independent and goes with the flow. She can be flighty and has her own sense of style. She is a trend setter. For example when she is with Max she is very into him, but she kind of just dips right before the wedding. Lorelai wants love, but she is scared and can have a sort of detached style.

Jess is a Leo Sun and Aquarius Moon - Jess is a very passionate person and isn't afraid to speak his mind. He is very passionate about his special interests and is passionate about his love interests. When I think of Leo I think of someone who is very passionate and is attracted to people that are ambitious. (Even though Jess didn't see himself going to college he was very supportive and even attracted to Rory so much because of her brain and ambition.) He also has that Aquarius tendency where he can be a bit flighty and just goes where the wind blows him. He is also super smart and often thinks why do others not think of the things he thinks about. (He radiates both Leo and Aquarius imo)

Rory is very much a Virgo - She is so sweet and caring. She comes off a bit shy or introverted at first, but when she opens up she is very warm with you. She has a tendency to be a people pleaser and she wants everyone around her to be happy. She is very much a peacemaker.

Sookie is very much a Taurus - Sookie is always an ear for Lorelei, she is a loyal friend. She is very gentle, bubbly and sunny. I'm a Taurus myself and Sookie reminds me so much of myself sometimes. Taurus are very sunny characters. Yes they are stubborn, and some love fashion, but we also love food and Sookie became a Chef because of how much she loves food. She's just such a Taurus imo.

Emily is very much a Gemini - Gemini are very chatty and have a certain charm but can talk circles around you making you feel confused. Emily can be very blunt in a Gemini fashion, and has a tendency to switch up. She wants to get close to Lorelai but instead of telling her exactly how she is feeling she feels she has to manipulate her to get her to do what she wants. This is very Gemini characteristics. (I have a ton of Gemini in my family and I definitely see it.)

Lane gives me Pisces vibes - Lane is so silly and goofy, and just super chill. She also reminds me of my best friend from highschool in some ways who is a Pisces.

Logan gives me Libra vibes - He is very charming and is the life of the party. He can charm himself out of any situation. He's very adventurous. The fact that Rory is his first relationship because he's used to just casual hookups and situationship is also very Libra. He's a bit of a free spirit too and doesn't typically do commitment.

[tubbypeddle]

Hi! I love your writing for jjba, especially your matchups, they're really cute! And so I was wondering if I could perhaps request a matchup for jjba golden wind?

Appearance wise, I'm about 5'4", have thick curly brown hair (absolute nightmare to get neat sometimes haha), hazel eyes, wear glasses, quite pale, freckles, and am quite curvy. Also, I'm a Sagittarius and am INFP last I checked, and also I am female.

More on my personality, I think of myself as a kind person but I have a tendency to be very insecure (both in terms of how I see myself as a person and also insecure physically; I got bullied a lot when I was younger ): ). I'm also quite an anxious and sensitive person and can quite easily experience sudden flips in how I feel (like one moment I'm alright and then the next I'm crying somewhere else), I am also generally a shy person but more in the 'I won't talk to you unless you talk first' way. More positively though, I'm quite smart, I see myself as a compassionate person and I love being able to help anyone wherever I am able to, especially if it involves trying to cheer someone I care about up, and speaking of which I'm fiercely protective of my loved ones.

More about me as a person, I'm autistic, and from this I have too many hyperfixiations of which I love talking about but again, can be quite shy with at first and think that it annoys my peers whenever I start to infodump (I love infodumping). Not just from this but just in general, I don't like loud noises (e.g. yelling, machines, alarms) unless it's in my control like music for example in my headphones (particularly metal; it's a great stress reliever for me and also one of my hyperfixiations of sorts), and sometimes I struggle to focus and process so just need to be gently redirected at times.

My style is typically just comfortable things like baggy band shirts and comfortable skirts or shorts, with nets, but sometimes when I'm feeling bursts of confidence I do indulge myself in more gothic clothes once in awhile.

My hobbies are primarily writing and drawing, which unfortunately for me requires a lot of motivation for me to be able to do at times, but I also like games too, or in cases where maybe my head and heart are racing a bit too fast to my liking, I even just like going out for walks.

My love languages in terms of giving to a partner is physical affection and gift giving; I'm big on hugs and cuddles as they usually calm me down pretty fast and I also just love being able to feel others warmth as it reminds me that I am there and with them, and as for gift giving I love making my partners happy, even if it's the most miniscule of gifts I'm giving them, it makes me even happier to witness their gratitude over something so small from me.

As for my possible preferences in receiving, I also love physical affection as it makes me feel loved, safe and secure, but the other one that I value most in receiving is words of affirmation; validation, patience and reassurance means so so much to me, especially when a partner affirms to me that they truly care about me and see me as equal and not stupid or burdening to them or anyone else.

That's about all I can think of about myself, hope I didn't go too overboard 😅. I'd be so appreciative if you take this ask as I've been having a hard time and it'd cheer me up, but if you're uncomfortable with any aspects of this I completely understand. Once again, love your jjba writing! And thank you!

oh my goshh hii??

usually these would be trades, but I understand the want to be anonymous, so i'll let it slide this time (/j /nm) Also, feel free to infodump on me if you want! I love hearing about people's interests 👀 so if you're comfortable, share with me! I might not respond immediately, but I will eventually. /gen

(author's notes: creds to gif owners, of course <3 you're so cute, this was so fun! Hope you enjoy it!)

Italy is so pretty this time of year isn't it? As long as you aren't a gullible tourist that is, because your first match is...!

Giorno Giovanna!

It isn't your comfortable sense of style that draws him in when he first sees you, or even your pretty cute figure. It's your kindness.

He's lived a life of cruelty, he has seen the horrors the world has to offer since he was very young. And since then, he's only met two people who showed genuine kindness to others. So when he sees you, probably feeding a duck that he himself created, he's blown away.

He comes up to you then, while you're feeding bread to the duck, and he crouches down beside you. "Thank you for feeding Bella," he'd say. "It's such a hassle trying to feed her without her throwing a fit."

It wasn't. He just wanted an excuse to talk to you, really.

Your aversion to loud noises is kind of perfect with him actually, because he isn't a loud person and also doesn't really like loud noises himself. It makes it very easy to allow yourselves to fall into comfortable silences, or have soft spoken conversations. Probably while you're drawing or writing and he's working on whatever paperwork he needs to do as the Don of a Mafia.

Plenty of time for quality time.

He may not be big on physical touch at first, due to his own traumas, but he is capable of warming up to it if you show him how much you love it and how to properly hug someone. Once this happens, he gives the best hugs. He squeezes you just right and won't let go until you do.

But words of affirmation come easy to him. He's very good with his words, and he likes to remind you that he loves you like this. Complimenting you, praising you, expressing his affection to you, reassuring you. He hates seeing you feel so insecure about yourself. Truthfully, if he saw someone else being insecure, he'd think them to be weak. But he's always had a bit of a soft spot for you.

He tells you earnestly how much you mean to him, how crazy he'd go if something happened to you.

He's a little surprised when you stand up to Abbacchio for him. He doesn't need it, but he's never met someone who would even try to stand up for him. It warms his heart as much as it worries him, because if you could go up to Abbacchio without a hint of fear, he doesn't want to see how far you would go against Stand users. He doesn't want you getting hurt.

Also, Giorno is absolutely autistic, and understands that part of you a lot better than anyone else would.

And of course, Giorno isn't the only one who's eye you caught.

One lovely Miss

Trish Una! also quite likes you

She finds you absolutely charming, in that awkward kitten kind of way. Where Giorno would let you take the lead in the pace of the relationship, she's happy to do it.

She sets the pace, though she's happy to wait for things if you think she's going too fast.

Her favorite date activity is dressing you up, honestly. Her love languages are quality time and physical touch, so as long as she can spend time with you, she's happy. Maybe she'll even ask you to draw her. She says she can't even draw a stick man. Trust that she keeps every single drawing you give her, because she is obsessed with your art.

Your number 1 fan, right here.

But she also has no issue with showering you in praises and reassurances. If it makes you feel more loved by her, she's happy to please.

I can just see that she absolutely adores your freckles, because she also has freckles that she usually tries to hide with makeup. She likes freckles a lot more on you than she does on herself.

I also just know she's a big believer of zodiac signs. Her being a Gemini, and you being a Sagittarius, she thinks it's perfect. Fire and air signs are notoriously compatible, and she likes that a lot about the two of you together.

She may seem so so intimidating when you first meet her, she has just endless patience for you and your feelings. She's here for you. She wants you to talk to her about everything you're feeling, even if you think it's dumb. She makes it so easy for conversation to just flow. It's neverending between you two.

Honorary mentions! Narancia Ghirga he just finds you so so cute! You're so sweet, like candy! He could just eat you up! Maybe he still has a chance? 👀 Pannacotta Fugo He absolutely understands the anxiety and the need for words of affirmation. But he doesn't think he'd ever get over his aversion to touch. He believes you deserve better. That doesn't stop him from feeling jealous when he sees you with Giorno and Trish, though.

I'm sorry if you don't like it, but I had a lot of fun writing it! Sorry for the wait!

[lynnthefrenchtoast]

Lines from "In The Other Universe" that I CANT GET OVER

in which a fanfic writer (me) overexplains her oneshot bc I NEED TO RAMBLE AND MY IRLS FOLLOW ME ON EVERY OTHER PLATFORM SO TUMBLR IS ALL! I! HAVE!

(u should prob read it first this wont make sense otherwise)

"Even though it was not his name, Yin Yu turned"

i dont know if this is a canon scene or not (sue me the books are LONG and hard to buy in my country) but i've read about yin yu getting mistaken for yizhen and getting totally upset. so i decided to start this fic with him being so okay with it that he responds to qi ying's name as if it's his own.

(also because if ur so close to someone, ur nosy abt their business because it also becomes your business) I WANTED TO CONVEY THAT CLOSENESS FROM THE VERY FIRST LINE

"Should I tell Yizhen you can't even recognize me?"

CANON YIN YU IS SO GLOOMY AND HONESTLY WE UNDERESTIMATE HIS POTENTIAL TO BE TEASY. i just know he could be. all hard workers have a sarcastic inner voice

"The man damn near shits his pants"

AHAHHA okay look. i have this tendency when writing to be REALLY PRETENTIOUS AND FANCY. and ive learnt that usually NO ONE GIVES TWO SHITS. compared to genshin, tgcf fanfics are so beautifully written and sometimes i gotta remind this fandom to SPEAK INFORMALLY (unless its qi rong. then. yea. BUT WHO READS QI RONG FICS?)

"The blank wrist that has never known the kiss of cold metal"

I RIPPED MY OWN HEART OUT WITH THIS ONE

"In this universe, he discovers it's such a simple thing to be happy."

proof that quanyin is literally hualian's cousin

the entire earring scene

i am a sucker for qyz's over-attachment to the earrings. ik a lot of ppl think he's like this because its the only thing yin yu ever gave him but NO headcanon that even in the other universe, yizhen would be overly attached because hes a puppy

he xuan scene

canonically, he xuan would NEVER. bc 1) he's too lost in his own ways to ask for advice and 2) it would fuck with his earth master disguise too much. but since it's the other universe!!!! I CAN DO WHAT I WANT.

“Yizhen’s victory is my victory,” he declares, with a tone that leaves no room for argument. “His loss is my loss. When Yizhen cries, I am sad. When Yizhen smiles at me, my heart is so full it could burst.” He brings two jade white palms together, interlocking the fingers like entangled limbs on a hot summer morning. “We’re like this. One shared past; one shared future. As a Shixiong, don’t you think rather than being jealous, I’m extremely proud of how far he’s come?”

my favourite freaking line can you tell? IT SHOWS THEIR ABILITY TO ROOT FOR ONE ANOTHER. SHOWS EMPATHY. SHOWS LOVE. ("my heart is so full it could burst") THE RECALL TO THE MORNING THEY WOKE UP TOGETHER, REMINDING YOU OF DOMESTICITY AND SIMPLICITY AND TRUST AND CLOSENESS.

ONE SHARED PAST; ONE SHARED FUTURE ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? this is all i ever wanted for them. to be able to grow together and live together and die together. TO HAVE A SHARED PAST, PRESENT AND FUTURE.

this line is also loaded to me bc i once wrote a fic called "entangled pasts; estranged future" that wasnt good enough to be posted but GOD IT REMINDS ME SO MUCH OF IT

"Here, he never needs to know the weight of a mask – neither physical not metaphorical."

i dont like how i worded this but IT NEEDED TO BE SAID. YIN YU NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR THE WANING MOON MASK but more importantly NEVER NEEDS TO KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO WEAR A MASK TOWARDS QUAN YIZHEN. NEVER NEEDS TO HIDE RESENTMENT. im shaking with all they couldve been and didnt become.

"Here, Brocade and Immortal are just two words"

hear that? its the sound of me BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST THE WALL AAAAAA I SO DESPERATELY WANT THIS TO BE REAL i mean i understand if they werent so tragic i wouldnt love them as much but IT HURTS! (*100 teehee)

"Sure it will."

i actually hate myself why did i end it like that even in my fanfic i cant let them be happy. huh. i have to subtly hint that this isnt what happens.

its actually so upsetting that the whole fic is so nice and healing and all of it is just overcasted by this knowledge of "its not real. they never get to be this happy. what really happens is they resent each other and leave each other and they become one shared past; two estranged futures."

you can call me insane. im aware no one thinks this deeply about fanfiction and most people are on the site for smut. BUT I THOUGHT LONG AND HARD ABOUT IT SO YOURE FORCED TO LISTEN TO ME RAMBLE