#or maybe she didn't bring it up because she didn't want to make the others worry about what happened
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an idea I have in mind because I think too much about arranged Gojo.
at some point, when they're already happy and in love, they meet her sisters again. Maybe they are hosting some party or his mother invited them to the seaside house like in the past. Reader is in much a better place now personally. What’s more, she’s in a better position in the hierarchy than she was before. She's a sweetheart and a kind person. So she doesn’t care about any of that, she just wants to live her quiet, happy life with Gojo. Gojo, however, is a different story... he's heard and saw enough of how her sisters treated her and he's a petty man. A very petty man. For the duration of the visit, Gojo makes it his sole mission to flaunt their happiness. He insists on buying her the finest dresses and jewelry, making sure she’s never seen wearing the same outfit twice. Every day, he presents her with another gift, just to remind everyone of how she's adorned now. He sticks to her side at all times, while the other women are left alone when their boring husbands goes hunting or something like that. And he doesn't stop to show, verbally and physically, how he loves and admires her. Maybe, just to make his point even clearer, he asks for their rooms to be on the same floor. So they'll get a 24/7 show of the great treatment she gets.
so when i was writting the arrangment i wanted to add some scenes with readers family but it didn't work out so i think this is a great opportunity to expand on that
and totally. the thing abt reader that i hope people take away is that she's had to be stronghearted to survive in the conditions she's been brought up in, but because of that she just wants to live peacefully and quietly. she's elated that she gets a caring husband on top of it, but she just goes to the beat of her own drum and if people can't then she doesn't really care
but when this little get-together is planned at the gojo summer home, something customary and necessary, both reader and gojo dread it. reader because she doesn't like her sisters and father's wife and gojo because he hates your sisters and your father's wife
so gojo shows you off whenever he can. the two of you haven't had sex yet and he's fine with that, he's trying to find the best moment anyway, but he's so touchy it's insane. his arm is either around your waist, in yours, or sometimes around your neck if he wants to show you something from where he's standing
you're wearing the highest fashion, the best jewelry, and expensive oils. your sisters gawk and groan, but what else can they do? their husbands are old and ugly and don't give a rats ass about them, and you couldn't be more content
and this one time when all the younger people are around the lake gojo brings you onto his lap to open up the seat for one of your other friends, letting you curl up into his strong chest as he wraps a blanket over you. and your sisters watch in pure jealousy as you giggle at some of the things he tells you, watch as he blushes unabashedly when you kiss his forehead
arranged!gojo just loves you too much and there's nothing wrong with that
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Will-o'-the-wisp
Title: Will-o'-the-wisp
Fandom: Hunter x Hunter
Characters: Chrollo Lucilfer x Reader (female)
Summary: Reader encouters fae!Chrollo and breaks some rules along the way.
Word count: 1700+
Notes: yandere!Chrollo, fae!Chrollo, abduction, manipulation, AU, modern setting with fae, Chrollo is charming af and a bit creepy as usual, Reader is doomed long before they know it and slightly depressed
You walk home the same way every day, like many people do. There's comfort in routines. Comfort and security which you crave. The familiar routes, the repetitive programs on TV and the books you've read a million times. You like to know what happens next and hate surprises.
The fourteen-year-old you wouldn't approve.
Maybe even express a little pity, because she always thought you two were destined for an adventure, like in fantasy books you used to devour one after another. Every free second was spent reading or dreaming, but life went on and adventures didn't happen. The girl grew older, a lot more careful and a lot less hopeful.
When you finish work, it's usually around six. Your adult self is practical and prefers to save money on the bus, besides, every other time you take it, you end up having to stand, squeezed between people. It's not worth the frustration; a fifteen minute walk isn't that long and the crime rate in the area is low.
There's a small grove nearby that nobody has bothered to turn into a park. The residents made their own paths in time, put a few signs so the joggers wouldn't get lost, but that's it. Once or twice a month you stroll through there, picking up trash left on the side. People make you want to move to the woods altogether sometimes.
That's how the day starts or ends — with crossing a bridge which connects the grove to your neighbourhood.
And this is where you see him for the first time.
The man looks so out of place among the rustic wooden railings and rushing water below. Nobody wears this kind of clothes here. Expensive and elegant, something that blends well in a big city. They don't stare at passersby like he does either. You hate when people do that ─ block already narrow spaces by just stopping midway. Or groups who spread across the entire sidewalk.
"Excuse me," you say politely. Polite is good. Polite can be used as a shield and always makes you look better than you are. "I need to pass."
He smiles, then moves aside. "Of course."
His face is exactly what you imagine when thinking of pleasant: beautiful grey eyes with long lashes, pointed chin and a strange mix of delicate and sharp edges.
"Thank you."
The smile widens. "You're welcome."
---
It's time to accept that you've grown into an average person with a simple desire to live in comfort. Dreaming isn't your strength anymore, the last book you picked up was several years ago. Movies bore you fifteen minutes in, even if everybody else praises them; the idea of a relationship seems exhausting.
You do enjoy gardening.
Growing tomatoes is a far cry from distant fictional lands, but they taste nice with a pinch of salt.
The condo you live in doesn't have enough space and light, so you chose a small patch of ground in the grove to start a garden. A few tomato plants and some herbs like chives and basil. It might be illegal, yet nobody has come to yell at you. Most people don't pay attention to what's happening here, as long as you don't damage the trees or leave trash.
You water and prune, weed, add fertilizer if needed. There're some flowers too; mother told you that marigolds scare pests away from veggies and keep the soil healthy. They're pretty, little orange spots.
---
You find a crystal at you patch. Azure would be too bland to describe its color ─ maybe more like a mix of cerulean and moon stone. It's round in shape, polished so nicely that the outlines of your face are reflected in the surface. Did a magpie bring it? Or a kid? The thought of someone poking around your garden makes you frown. You hope they didn't step on your basil.
The stone is heavy and cool. You turn it around, entranced, before stuffing it into the pocket of your jeans. Maybe you can ask the neighbours' kids about it later.
"Would you look at that," you mutter and bend to inspect a tomato plant. Two green fruit, each no bigger than your knuckle, hang there, sprouted over the weekend. "Hello, my pretties."
---
You lie in bed, staring at the ceiling. It's past 1 AM, you should sleep; instead, you keep twisting the stone in the moonlight.
You asked kids from around here, but nobody claimed it.
Maybe it's a lucky charm, you've had a wonderful day. Got a call from your cousin in the morning, she has't contacted you in a long while and it was nice to catch up. After lunch, the resource manager praised your work, then an elderly lady from the store complimented your cardigan.
At a certain angle, the stone seems almost glowing. A summer night sky condensed into a tiny orb. Your fingers trace its smooth surface without much thought until eventually it drops onto the pillow by your side.
You don't notice when exactly you fall asleep.
It's the strangest dream you've ever seen.
Gone is the condo building with its stuffy kitchenette and old pipes that constantly rumble. Instead, you feel damp grass underneath your feet. Wind brushes through the hem of your nightdress, carrying the scents of rain and moss. So many shades of black and raven blue swirl together that you barely recognize a signpost nearby. It's the grove, but you've never seen it like this, as dark as it can be only at night.
It's uncomfortable to stand barefoot, with a chill creeping up your legs.
After a while your fingers touch the rough bark of a nearby tree to get a sense of direction, and you start walking, because there isn't anything else to do.
There's the bridge, you think. If you just get to the bridge, the rest will be simple.
You're walking there, or that's what you think when a small ball of light appears right before your nose.
Fireflies don't glow blue. It doesn't falter, doesn't flicker, coming up closer then farther like a pendulum. There's something uncanny and fragile about it. For a second you forget everything and stand mesmerized, until it starts moving.
Through the trees, past the branches, onwards.
It's more instinctual than anything ─ you don't want to be left here alone again, so you follow. Light is good, darkness isn't. The ground becomes more uneven as you go, the grass changes to moss, but you can barely register anything at this point apart from that lonely glow. It halts at times as if making sure you're keeping up.
Is that a clearing ahead? Your eyes hurt from trying to focus.
The blue dot continues to float, never speeding up, never falling behind.
Then it disappears.
No. Not disappears ─ settles on the tip of a pale finger.
There's your tomato patch, your plants, the empty box that you forgot to take back to the condo.
But it's impossible.
Your garden should be not very far from the border, yet it feels like you've walked through half of the grove by now.
Why is he here?
"It took you a while," he says, the stranger from the bridge whose eyes made you pause before you caught yourself. "I was waiting, my dear."
Maybe you shouldn't ask. Maybe the wisest thing would be to turn around and run. You step back and trip on a root which somehow snuck between the moss. He catches your hand before you fall and doesn't let go. Instead his thumb caresses your skin in leisurely strokes.
There's a faint scent of lilies coming from him, and something else. Something heavy, equally sweet that lingers on the edge of cloying and enticing.
Smells aren't supposed to be so strong in dreams.
"I need to go."
"Where?"
This simple question asked in an equally plain tone makes you falter. What does he mean 'where'?
"Home," you say softly and try to free your hand again without success. The man leans in close enough that you can see his face, illuminated by that blue light.
"And where is home?"
"I-" you swallow. "I have to go."
He releases you with surprising ease; you don't waste any time rushing towards the path. The long walk has exhausted you, and the lack of light makes it difficult to tell which turns to take. You stumble multiple times. The hem of your nightdress catches a few twigs. You sprint past the trees, past the low bushes along the familiar trail, and it's there, suddenly in front of you: the wooden bridge.
Out of breath, you grab the railing. And then open your eyes on the same side where you started.
How?
Again and again, you dash across it, yet every time there's a single step left to cross over the stream, the view shifts. Your feet land at the beginning of the bridge. On the ninth time when it's impossible to run any longer, you press your forehead to the railing. Every breath feels short and raspy.
"That's enough, dear."
"What is this?" You grip the planks with trembling hands. "I don't understand. Why can't I-"
A coat falls over your shoulders; you clutch at it mindlessly, because it's warm and you're shaking all over.
"You thanked me. Claimed my land, charmingly audacious of you. Such care and love, right under my nose."
There's no malice in his voice. Gently, finger by finger, he uncurls the tight grip of your hand. The stone is there, cerulean blue like summer sky condensed into a tiny orb.
"Took my gift and kept it close to your heart."
It takes some effort but eventually you manage to speak. "I didn't," you whisper urgently, despite the shiny proof in your palm. "I didn't know! Take it back."
"I'm afraid it's too late for that."
"I didn't know!"
He lifts you in his arms when your knees give out and you sink to the ground, still gripping that damned stone. His coat carries the same distinct scent of lilies and heavy sweetness. The sceneries you dreamed of when younger pop in your head, like old postcards covered with dust, of mystical beings hidden from human eye, fantastical places no one has seen, grand adventures where heroes defy impossible odds and come out victorious.
Those were tales for the brave and imaginative. You're neither.
"It doesn't matter. The land claims you," he says. "And so do I."
#shalott fanfiction#yandere#hunter x hunter#hunter x hunter fanfic#yandere chrollo#yandere chrollo lucilfer#yandere chrollo x reader
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A Supernatural × Batman crossover where the Batfam are actual cryptids and the brothers are sent to hunt them, only to find out that these guys are pretty much immortal, god like beings whose only weaknesses are each other, the sun and some weird sentient manifestation of their home city that they seem to care about, and most of them already grew out of the second one, since, apparently, the sun only affects them when they're newborns/newly transformed/changed.
The whole reason they ended up in Gotham in the first place was because of some online rumors saying that there is a demon cult in the city, as well as Blüdhaven [it's true, partially, the Bat clan has had several cults and/or religions painting them as godly beings/saviours of Gotham throughout the years, still do (imagine the colonies from F'ing Demon Bats, only this time the cryptid part of them is actually real)] along with shrines for human sacrifices.
At first they thought the locals sold themselves to a Pagan God in exchange for their safety, that the shrines and "holy grounds" spread throughout the city were for blood and human sacrifices and the creatures were feeding on the souls of their followers or something.
Turns out, that couldn't be further from the truth. Yes there were bloody sacrifices at the shrines, but most of the time those were just grieving kids bringing their dead pets to silence's holy grounds for them to be healed, or taken care of, by the spirit and have their souls at peace. But, again, that was rare, and only occurred at the holy grounds themselves rather than the shrines people attended to daily.
Majority of those shrines were filled with books, art supplies, music boxes with ballerinas and, sometimes, you could even find a few trinkets and computer parts, as well as the occasional plates and plastic boxes filled with home cooked meals, sometimes they even put pots and kettles filled to the brim with savory goods and nice tea. Nobody ever touched the food, not even the poor and desperate, when asked why all the brothers received were looks of horror and hushed whispers about how "The bats don't like thieves" and "They'll stop coming by the shrine, maybe even destroy it if we do that"
Dean didn't like it, neither did Sam, they didn't like how the locals, people who barely even bat an eye when they see a dead body on their way to work, get so scared and terrified as soon as they hear of something that might displease the Bats. They tried asking around, trying to figure out what is it that makes them so scared of their dearly beloved deities, after all, they talk about them like such a wonder, like they're the best thing that ever happened to them. Hell, one of them is named Mercy and was revered for its compassion and understanding of those around them.
They only got their answer when investigating a place called Crime Alley. They locals were all the same, if not even more reserved than their city's counterparts, but there was one person, a young girl who couldn't be older than ten that said she'll be willing to answer their questions in return for some money and stories from their time as hunters. They were reluctant at first, but seeing as they haven't had much of an option, they agreed.
"So, Masey" Dean started
"Missy" she corrected
"Right, sorry, Missy, you said that you could tell us what's up regarding those demons"
"Deities" she said sternly, the man simply nodded "And yes, I can do that, but you'll have to do something for me first"
"And what would that be?"
"You said you were a hunter, right?" He nodded "And you also said you have some money. So I want you to give me two hundred dollars, cash, and a written story containing at least three of your adventures with your partner. You can't use big fonts, lie or omit any details from the story, it needs to be one hundred percent real and legible and needs to be at least fifty pages, understood?"
Dean was confused, confused and worried. Why would this child need a story about them hunting monsters? And why did she need it to be so long and accurate? Was she trying to sell them out to the Bats or something? Why was this so important?
A million questions flooded his head and looking at Sammy, he could tell the feeling was very much mutual.
"Um Missy" it was Sam talking to her this time "Why would you want a story of us hunting like that? We could tell you about our time together on the field, if you want, but why do you need that written so meticulously?"
The little girl shook her head before he even finished speaking "No, no, I need it written"
"How so?"
"For Passion, of course"
"Passion?"
"Yeah, Passion, the component watching over Crime Alley, it loves reading stories but only when they're worth it. It doesn't like when people give them stories only to please it or for it to give them undeserved attention. It needs to be good and interesting, a story about two hunters will definitely do that"
The two hunters met each other's eyes, both their expressions filled with worry, apprehension and suspicion.
"And why all the other rules? Why does have to be so long and accurate?"
The girl tilted her head, looking at them as though they've said something stupid "Because you're introducing yourself, maybe"
"I can't just tell you guys all there is to know about the Bat without at least one of the components acknowledging you guys and giving me permission to share that information with outsiders"
"And what makes you think it won't just kill us as soon as it realizes what we do for a living?" They might've been desperate, but that doesn't mean they're going to give an essay about their weaknesses and hunting methods to a freaky, probably homicidal spirit on a silver platter
"Because they like people like you, people who put their lives on the line in order to help those around them. Also" she leveled her gaze with Dean's, which was pretty impressive considering she barely reached his hip "Had it wanted you dead, you wouldn't have been able to take two steps inside Crime Alley without having a heart attack, or your head magically disappearing"
The two brothers tensed, the taller's eyes rapidly scanning their surroundings, hands fishing out a weird cellular device, probably an EMF reader or maybe a bottle of holy water, as the shorter failed to keep up his confident facade in front of the (probably) ten year old (because Dean isn't going to be spooked by a kid that hasn't even reached the double digits yet, he's 𝘯𝘰𝘵)
The little girl laughed, completely ignoring their - very justified!!! - panic "Relax, would ya? Passion doesn't kill people unless they feel like it's necessary"
They didn't seem to be very relaxed, she didn't care, she just told them to meet her again on the border of Crime Alley and its neighbor city in a week, before leaving.
Two hours later, Carrie Kelley was skipping into the main living room of Wayne Manor, where several of her siblings played video games and with their father reading the newspaper on the side, the perfect illusion of a normal, happy, completely human family.
She walked up to Bruce, sitting on the arm of his sofa as the last of her illusion magic slipped away
"Did you do it?"
"I offered them the deal, still not sure if they'll end up actually agreeing to it"
"Mn. You did well"
The young teen preened under the praise, thanking her father before going off to boast and scheme with the rest of her siblings, they were up planning contingencies and devising plans until Sundown.
#cryptid batfam#spn x Batman#dean winchester#sam winchester#dean and sam#dean and sam winchester#sam and dean#sam and dean winchester#the winchester brothers#winchester brothers#carrie kelley#robin#jason todd#red hood#bruce wayne#batman#batfam#batfamily#bat family#batkids#bat kids#batdad#gotham city#gothamites#gothamite#crime alley#supernatural#spn#dcu#dc
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Something Else - Lando Norris
<word count - 8614> |part 1 - Nerd|part 2 - Rumours|part 3 - So Special|
warnings: more maths, biology, bitches
That night, Lando spent his evening in his room, procrastinating. He had homework to do, but he couldn't bring himself to sit at his desk and pick up his pen. Plus, he could just do it with you tomorrow, anyway.
The excitement that he felt as a result of getting to sit with you again, getting to spend time with you again was unlike anything else he had ever felt. It was like he was a young child on Christmas Eve, unable to wait for the next morning to roll around so that they could see what Santa had brought them.
His whole family could see a clear shift in his mood, since they had grown so accustomed to moody, sad Lando over the past couple of days. All he wanted to do was get to school the next day just so that he could get to second break and meet you in the library - and that was something he never thought he'd say.
Lando had also made his mind up that tomorrow, he was going to ask for your snap. Or your number. Having your number felt a lot more personal and serious than just having your Snapchat. He had a lot of people's snaps, but not many people's numbers. But he wanted yours.
He wanted to save the conversations you'd have, he wanted to be able to call you when he got home from school and talk to you until he couldn't keep his eyes from drooping shut and then do it all again the next day until he could spend his weekends with you.
Lando truly was the epitome of a love-sick teenage boy, pining after a girl who he wasn't even sure who wanted him back. You had to though, right? You wore his jumpers, you helped him with his work, he drove you home, hell you hugged each other.
Meanwhile, you were happy, just not to the scale that Lando was. You were confused, to say the least. You didn't think that everything was just automatically going to blow over just because you had stuck up for yourself once, and the fact that you had was surprising to you.
But you didn't know if you could keep on standing up for yourself, remembering how you had just broken down in front of Lando and felt like a complete idiot. It also baffled you how... understanding, he had been.
He didn't laugh, didn't tell you to get a grip, he didn't stand there awkwardly - well, he did but he had the right intentions. He had hugged you. I mean, what teenage boy hugs a girl that they're friends with when she's crying?
Despite the jokes he sometimes made, he clearly had an old head on young shoulders. The maturity that he had showed made you like him more, if you were being honest. How much you like him was obvious to you at this point.
You'd always been able to appreciate his face, but now it was more than that. You wanted to spend time with him, sit with him, just be near him. You wanted to laugh at his jokes, hear his voice, make him laugh.
Yet there was always the fear. If you were actually together, what other rumours would people spout? How much worse would it get? Sure, you'd have Lando there by your side, and you knew he'd stick up for you, but how much more could you take?
Was your adoration of him enough to cancel out everything people said?
Alas, the next morning, you had the courage to get on the bus instead of having to walk the freezing journey to school. Lando wasn't there, but you weren't upset by it. Max and his friends also didn't say anything, which was... weird, but you chose to ignore it.
That and the weird feeling of dread that you had in your gut.
Anyway, you walked into school, actually going to the canteen instead of the toilets or the lockers in fear of people talking to you. As you sat down at the table you usually did, the people that filtered in gave you weird looks.
It almost looked remorseful, maybe something along the lines of pity? They spoke in hushed whispers around you, none of them making the effort to speak to you. You just scrolled on your phone as you sat there, your headphones in your ears.
You could hear the faint chatterings of the other people in your year, but you were more focused on your phone. Eventually, the people in the canteen fell silent, the light buzzing of their conversations dying down as the doors opened.
Out of curiosity, you looked up to see Lilly, strutting into the room. You knew something was amiss, but you had no clue what it was. People looked between you and her, and you were so confused as to what was going on.
To make the atmosphere worse, Lando walked in after her a few seconds later, and you saw how come people's eyes went wide. Lando smiled at you before taking himself over to his friends, and Lilly went to her own table.
"Mate, is it true?" Max asked Lando, and all he could do was roll his eyes. He had heard the sentence a lot of time recently, and he could only assume that he was about to hear some bullshit. But what Max said nearly made his heart stop.
"Did you cheat on Y/N with Lilly?"
Now that was a question that had a lot to unpack. To start off with, there was no way he could've cheated on you since you weren't together, that was the first major thing that he went through in his head.
The second thing was that it was a stupid question; he'd never cheat on you. If you were his, he wouldn't risk losing you over something so stupid and hurtful as cheating. If you were his, he'd never have the desire to be with anyone else. If you were his, he'd be the best damn boyfriend he could've possibly been.
Thirdly, it was already established that he wouldn't cheat to begin with, but certainly not with Lilly. God, even the sound of her name in his head made him want to throw up. He knew she had a massive crush on him, but he'd never stoop that low.
"Who the fuck said that?" he rushed, his tone not lacking urgency.
"I don't know where it came from, Will told me this morning," Max sheepishly said, not missing the alarm in Lando's voice. He knew his friend had been having a hard time lately - and he was a participant. But he also knew that it was going to get worse from now.
"Oh my christ," he mumbled, getting up nearly as quickly as he had sat down. Lando had spotted Will going over to the lockers earlier, and he hoped he was still there. You saw his face, the look on it.
There was no emotion on his features other than rage, and you still didn't know what was going on. As he left, people carried on looking between you and Lilly, and you could only assume that it was something to do with her.
"Will," Lando said, spotting the blonde boy fiddling with dials on his locker.
"Hey Lando! What's-" he cheerily started, but he stopped when he saw Lando's face. He knew what he was asking about. "What's up, mate?" he asked, not even knowing if he wanted to find the answer out in the end.
"What did you tell Max? About me 'cheating' on Y/N?"
Will was internally cursing Max for telling Lando that he had been the one to spread the message around the friend group, and he was nothing short of terrified of Lando right now. "I just told him what Maisie told me," he quietly said.
"And what did Maisie tell you?" Lando prompted.
"She just said that things weren't great between you and Y/N and that you apparently spent last night with Lilly..." he trailed off, and the pieces all fell into place in his head. Lilly.
She had surely been the one to spread it around her friends, who were the gossipers of the school. He should've known it would be her, especially after how she had spoken to you and about you when he was listening.
He wasn't going to bother going to Maisie and asking her what Lilly had said, but he knew Lilly would just spout pure and utter bullshit to him and it'd be a waste of time trying to get the truth out of her. At least Maisie would be easy to intimidate the veracities of the story out of.
Lando needed to get to the bottom of this, preferably before first period so you wouldn't spend your lesson upset. It was naive to think that this wouldn't get back to you before that point, but he would be a lot more relieved if he could tell you what was going on before you got upset.
"You absolute idiot, you know that Y/N and I aren't together, and you sure as hell know that I wouldn't touch that bitch with a 10 foot barge pole!" Lando spat, taking himself away from will before he did something he'd regret.
Meanwhile, you were still in the dark about everything that was going on. Until now. "Hey... erm... I'm really sorry to hear about what Lando did. It's really shitty. Especially with Lilly. I guess we all should've seen it coming," someone came up to you and said.
It was one of the usually shy girls, so it was surprising to see her come and talk to you out of the blue. "What are you talking about?" you asked, and her mouth dropped.
"You don't know what he did?" she asked, suddenly feeling like this was the single worst idea she had had in at least the last five years.
"What did he do?" you replied, thinking that Lando had done or said something that was instantly going to ruin the reconciliation that you had both made yesterday. You really hoped that it wasn't something he had done, because you didn't think you could handle that volume of feelings again.
"With... Lilly... you know... cheated..." she mumbled, avoiding your eyes and looking at the freshly buffed canteen floor.
"Lando can't cheat if we were never together to begin with," you coldly said, your voice betraying no emotion. For some reason, the word 'cheated' sent a pang of hurt through your body, but you couldn't quite decipher why.
Maybe it was just the mere idea of Lando cheating on you that sent your heart into a spiral, but there was certainly something about it that hurt. And with Lilly? Ha, that was funny. As if he'd do that... or would he?
Oh here came the doubt, the questioning, the lack of reasoning. Lando would never cheat on you. Never. He was not that kind of guy, and you couldn't even see him thinking of it, let alone actually doing it. But you weren't even together so it didn't matter.
"Oh... I... erm... sorry..." she trailed off, scurrying away from you before you had chance to say anything else. Now you knew why everyone was giving you looks and whispering about you. They all believed that you and Lando were together from the first set of rumours, and now it seemed perfectly plausible that he had cheated on you. Just great.
In the interim, Lando skulked down the hall, before spotting Maisie just before she reached the canteen. "Maisie!" he called out, jogging up to catch her. The girl's face absolutely fell when she saw Lando, and she was clearly of the knowledge that she was in some deep shit.
"Look, I only know what Lilly told me, OK?" she said, and he could have laughed at how scared she was.
"Which was...?"
"That things between you and Y/N were rocky, to say the least. Apparently she was too boring, too square for you. So you called Lilly and... you know." Maisie explained. The implication in her words wasn't lost on Lando, and he could feel the hot sears of fury building up in his stomach and spreading through his veins.
"And you believed it? You really fucking believed a word that she said? Are you seriously that naive?" he grovelled through gritted teeth, really trying not to lose his temper with the cowardly girl in front of him.
Maisie was scared. Terrified, even. "She's my friend... I..." she stuttered, unable to meet his eyes.
"Well she shouldn't be, get better friends. She is nothing but a lying, manipulative, awful person that you'll be better off getting rid of sooner rather than later," he told Maisie, leaving her awestruck at what he had said.
Now all Lando had to do was find the single thing that had caused him the most distress as of recent: Lilly.
He had seen her in the canteen, and he assumed that she'd still be there. Pushing past Maisie, he stormed into the room, and you knew he knew. You had instantly jumped to the conclusion that Lilly had been the one to spread the rumours, and now it seemed that Lando was trying to resolve the issue.
"Lilly what the fuck are you playing at?" he sneered, leaning over the table and towering over her. The smirk on her face looked proud of what she'd done, and it pissed him off even more than he already was, if that was possible.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw you watching him. He knew you knew, and he was going to go to every length that he could to make sure that you weren't upset by this, by her. "Not my fault she was too vanilla for you," she laughed, her friends grinning along.
"Too vanilla? Are you out of your fucking mind? I'd rather be dead than touch you!" Lando near on yelled, people averting their eyes to him as his voice raised slightly.
"Not what you were saying last night..." she chided in a sing song tone, and Lando was about 2 seconds away from losing his cool.
"Well then let me make it quite clear. I would never ever want to be anywhere near you, got it? Now stop making shit up that everyone knows isn't true just because no one actually likes you. Y/N doesn't, your friends don't, no one around here does, and I sure as hell don't," he ranted, and Lilly's confidence faltered.
He could see the slight expression of jealousy on her face, since she knew deep down that her efforts of being with Lando were proving futile. There was also some semblance of hurt there, since it was never nice to be verbally berated by the boy you had a crush on.
"And what makes her so special, eh? Her drab personality? The fact that she's a complete suck up? Her lack of friends? Or is it just because she's clever?" she spat back, her tone not lacking that familiar snark that she was famous for.
"She's a hell of a lot more than you'll ever be. If I hear one more lie come from your mouth, your life around here will be hell," Lando finished, moving across the canteen to go and sit with his friends: who had all been watching the ordeal from afar.
He hadn't noticed, but pretty much everyone in the year was watching the argument. Even you, sitting at your table by the wall, were dumbfounded. As Lando sat down, you could see how he was trying to seem all cool, calm and collected like he normally was.
But, you could see the faint inklings of his anger still lingering on the surface, and you were sure they'd be there for the rest of the day. You were pissed off too, but you couldn't help but feel a small smidgen of upset too.
You didn't want to be upset, not by Lilly, never by Lilly. Yet you were. That sad feeling that you'd had over the past couple of days was creeping back in, as much as you were willing it to go away so that you could carry on as if this had never happened.
Cutting through the light chatter, the bell rang out that signalled that you should go to first period. You spent your hour in history not really concentrating on the details of the Cuban Missile Crisis, more on what Lilly had said.
Something about the words ran deeper than they ought to have, and it was like an itch you couldn't quite scratch. "Y/N, who was it that met with Anatoly Dobrynin to secretly resolve the crisis?" your teacher interrupted, pushing you momentarily off the path that your mind was taking you down.
"Erm..." you stuttered, and something that resembled concern flashed in your teacher's eyes. You were normally so on the ball, always switched on and tuned into lessons. But, he wouldn't hold it against you that you were zoned out once.
He had never ever seen you not paying attention, so he'd let it slide. Just before he said the answer, it popped into your head. You seemed to remember reading about it in your textbook once, but it might not have been right. "Robert Kennedy?" you said, and a soft smile found its way onto his face.
"Yes, well done," he nodded, and you were off the hook for now. You could go back to your little daydreams about everything that had gone on in the morning. Or day-mares. You weren't quite sure.
First break and second period went by, and you remembered that you said you'd help Lando with his biology. The anxiety that you used to feel about seeing Lando was crawling through you, feeling almost like a hand wrapped around your neck.
You were at the library first, as usual. You didn't have biology today, but you had brought your text book just so you could fill in any of the gaps in your own knowledge before attempting to teach Lando any of it.
You weren't actually sure what about anatomy he was wanting to learn or if that was just a joke, but you thought it would be better to be prepared. The chair in front of you was pulled out, and Lando sat down with a big grin on his face.
He was trying to be normal, but he was scrutinising your every move to see if you were OK. "Hey," he smiled, rummaging through his bag to get out his crumpled work book and biology textbook. "So, tell me about that cycle thing," he said, leaning back in his chair and folding his arms, ready to listen to you.
"The menstrual cycle?" you pressed, since there were many cycles he could have been referring to. Plus, it was funny to see the flush of red on his cheeks and the way the tips of his ears turned pink when he was embarrassed.
Lando may have been a mature boy when it came to your emotions, but he was just like the rest of them when it came to talking about slightly awkward topics like periods. "Erm... yeah. That one." he confirmed.
"OK, so, what you need to know about are the 4 hormones. You've got LH, oestrogen, progesterone and FSH. FSH causes the maturing of the egg in the ovary, LH triggers ovulation, which is the release of the egg into the uterus. Oestrogen repairs and thickens the uterus lining, and progesterone maintains the uterus lining." you explained, and Lando tried to be an active listener by nodding his head as you spoke.
"Sure, yeah, I can remember that," he nodded. "You'll probably have to explain it a few times to me, but I can remember that. It isn't so hard," he reassured, but it sounded like he was telling himself more than he was telling you.
"So from that, try some practice questions, and then we can fill in any gaps after, yeah?" you said, taking his textbook and flicking through the pages until you found the practice questions at the end of the chapter on the menstrual cycle.
"Yes ma'am," he jokingly saluted, picking up his pen and looking after the questions. "Do you have some paper?" he asked, clearly not having brought any. You just rolled your eyes at him, ripping a sheet out of your notebook for him. "Thanks, you're the best," he winked at you, his eyes moving down to the paper on the table before he could spot you blushing.
God was he charming. As Lando distracted himself with getting on with the practice questions, you figured you might as well finish your physics homework that you had been given in second period. It wouldn't take you long if you concentrated.
But it was hindered by that small feeling of anxiety again. Anxiety of being here with Lando. Lilly's words echoed in your head again, and the stab of pain didn't become any less stinging as you thought about it.
'Her drab personality?' You knew you weren't the most egregiously outgoing person in the world, or the most funny, but you didn't think you were drab, per se. Maybe just reserved. The people that had put the time in to get to know you seemed to find you funny.
Well, Lando seemed to find you funny. That had to count for something, right? You didn't have to be overly loud or obnoxious just to have a personality, but you were in high school, so maybe you did.
'The fact that she's a complete suck up?' You wouldn't say you were exactly a suck up, you just liked doing well in your lessons, it was as simple as that. You didn't like getting told off, so you did your work, and you did it well.
The praise brought you a nice little ding of satisfaction, and you didn't really see much reason to act out or not do your work. You had your moments where you had forgotten things, but your teachers were lenient since you were always so diligent.
'Her lack of friends?' Now that was just inaccurate. You had friends, most of them were people you just so happened to sit next to in your lessons and you hung out on occasion. You didn't hang out with them in school since you liked to knuckle down and get your work done during the day so you could limit the amount you did at home.
You went out on the weekends, whether it be for lunch or to do some activity that one of them had picked. There was just the illusion that you didn't have any friends, but you didn't expect Lilly to be so observant.
'Or is it just because she's clever?' The more you thought about it, the more you thought that being smart was the only thing you had going for you. It was easy to look past everything that made you you when you were always getting the best grades.
A lot of people seemed to omit the detail of your name when referring to you, simply calling you the 'smart one'. It had never bothered you before, so why did it now? Surely though, Lando didn't just like you because you were smart?
Most of the time, you weren't being academic when you spent time together, so there had to be more to it than that. As you got in your own head, your self-confidence was dwindling. Was all of that really what people thought of you?
That you were drab, friendless, a kiss ass, just the smart one? Maybe they had and you had just never noticed. All anyone ever saw you as was clever. The little lonely thing who just studied instead of having a worthy social life.
That you were destined for solitude with nothing but your textbooks and scientific journals teeming with knowledge. It wasn't how you wanted yourself to be seen, not in the slightest. For a moment, you considered having a full on glow up, complete with the leather pants and hairspray - just like Sandy in Grease.
But that would be a little too much, so you decided against the idea. At least you didn't have long before you could leave that place and never look back. School had never been about the people to you, not until now, anyway.
Lando noticed that you weren't doing anything, your pen was just hovering over your sheet and it had been for a few minutes now. He didn't know whether you were brainstorming or thinking, but by the look on your face, whatever you were thinking wasn't pleasant.
"Hey..." he softly mumbled, reaching out hand to place on your arm from across the table. He gently shook you, snapping you out of your thoughts. You just looked at him for a moment, your brain taking you back to where you were.
Right. Studying. Biology. Physics. With Lando.
"You stuck?" you asked, leaning over to glance at the practice questions he had been scribbling down onto the paper.
"No, you just seem a bit spaced out. You doing OK?" he asked, concern written all over his face. He had a feeling he knew what was going on, and he was nearly 100% sure that he was right.
"Yeah, I'm good, just tired," you lied through your teeth, and Lando knew it was complete and utter bullshit. His expression hardened, not liking that you were lying to him. He hated it when you lied to him.
"Hey, c'mon, don't do that. Talk to me," he urged, his hand still remaining on your arm as he squeezed it. You stayed silent, not wanting him to take the mick out of you for thinking the way you were. But Lando wasn't having it. "Please? You're clearly upset about something. You can tell me." he pressed.
"I just... nevermind. It's stupid," you dismissed, picking your pen back up to actually make an attempt on your physics homework.
"No, we're not doing that. If you don't tell me, then I can't make it better," he carried on pushing. Lando just wanted you to open up to him, to make you see that he could trust you. He wanted to fix your problems for you.
"I... do you think I'm drab?" you asked, and he was taken aback. He took a few seconds, thinking over your question. He hated that you even had to ask him that in the first place.
"No, course I don't, you're so much more-"
"OK so do you think I'm a suck up? Do you think I have no friends? Is the only good thing about me my brain?" you rambled, and his face softened. He was right. It was exactly what he thought it would be: Lilly's words had gotten to you.
"No, no. Listen to me," he said, but you were still looking down at the paper and fiddling with the top of your pen. "Can you look at me?" he asked. His mum always got him to look at her when he was upset and she was trying to be reassuring, so he figured he'd try the same approach as her.
"Y/N. Look at me." he said more firmly. The sternness in his tone wasn't like anything you had heard from him, and you didn't know what else to do apart from listen to him and do as he said. You tilted your head up to meet his eyes, the softness hiding behind the hard exterior.
"You are none of that. Don't let Lilly think any less of yourself. You're not drab, you're a joy to be around. You're not a suckup, you're a hard worker. You have friends, you've got me. And there is so much more to you that just your brain. Sure, it's an incredible thing that I admire about you, but there's more to you than just that."
Now you really didn't know what to say. Somehow, Lando had just said exactly what you needed to hear. Yet it didn't make the insecurity go away, not fully. "But do you think other people think that? Or is Lilly just saying what everyone thinks...?" you nearly whispered.
"You don't need to care about anyone's opinion. Not everyone else's, not mine, and certainly not Lilly's. The only opinion you should care about is yours," he told you, and that was another moment where Lando showed that he was wise beyond his years.
"OK," you agreed, and Lando finally removed his hand from your arm. He seemed settled by your agreement, but he knew he hadn't fully convinced you. He'd keep an eye on you and be ready to swoop in and quash any more of that lingered self deprecating doubt.
"Now, do your physics. We can't have our number one scholar falling behind, can we?" he chuckled, trying to bring some light to the situation.
"As if you could catch up, Norris," you laughed, finally starting the questions that you had to do. You had them done in ten minutes, and finally the bell went for the end of second break. You and Lando packed up your stuff, ready to head to your next lesson.
"Hey, can we meet back here for the second half of lunch? I've got some maths I need help on," he asked, and you couldn't say no to him.
"Sure, I'll be here all lunch so just come up whenever," you told him, and he ran out to the language block for French so that he wasn't late. You just had English downstairs, so it was a short walk for you.
Exactly as he said, Lando trudged back up to the library halfway through lunch. "My French teacher is an absolute bitch. She kept me behind for ten minutes because apparently the way I say 'jouer' isn't French enough for her. We went through pronunciation for ages and said I need to work on it," he scoffed, plopping down in front of you and earning a glare from the librarian.
"So are we doing French or maths today?" you chuckled, thinking he'd want to do French after his little outburst.
"I would rather die than have to think of 'qu'est ce il y a dans ta ville' again," he mocked, purposely avoiding trying to pronounce the words right. "We're doing maths. And we're doing polynomial division. Because further maths is kicking my arse at the moment,"
"Sure, sure, OK. Get your book out," you told him, going into your bag to get your own maths book out. You had it last period, so you thankfully had all your stuff to hand.
"You know, I'd be much better at maths if I could sit with you again..." he said, hoping you'd catch onto what he was asking. It was true - his maths was a hell of a lot better when he had you to help him and guide him through it.
"Are you asking if you can come back to your old place?"
"Yes. Yes I am." he confirmed.
"Then yeah, I think you're good to move back to your old place," you confirmed, and the smile on his face was adorable. If you were being honest with yourself, you were also missing him in maths. The seat next to you had been left vacant, and you quite liked it that way.
But, having Lando there would've been a hell of a lot better than sitting by yourself. You enjoyed teaching him and it brought you a lot of satisfaction. It was nice to have that sense of fulfillment when you had shared your knowledge to someone, especially when it was Lando.
"So what is it about polynomial division that you don't get?" you asked, taking his book from him and looking at the half-done sums on the page.
"I get the first bit about putting x into x cubed, but from there? Nah," he told you, and you could see what he meant. He had gotten past step one, but had completely faltered on the rest of the maths.
"So now you want to times out your x squared by the -4 after the x and put that under there," you told him, pointing to the spot on the page where he needed to put in the multiplied terms and numbers.
You talked Lando through the rest of the steps and went over a few more with him, before letting him go through a few himself. "Are you OK? You know, after earlier and everything. I don't want you thinking like that about yourself,"
"Oh, yeah, it was just a short thing. I was being silly," you shook your head, and Lando seemed to believe you.
"Good. And... what do I do from this bit? Minus the 3?"
"No, plus. If you try to minus a minus, it turns into a plus, yeah?" you reiterated, and he instantly remembered the small maths fact. He just smiled at you, and you couldn't quite decipher what the look in his eyes was. It looked like some form of wonder, but you decided that that was just wishful thinking on your part.
"You're something else, you know that?" he quietly said, and you wouldn't have caught it if you weren't in the near silence of the library.
"Hm?" you asked, wanting to make sure you had heard what you thought you had heard.
"Oh, nothing," he blushed, pretending like he was doing his maths while you sat there. Lando mentally scolded himself for the slip up, annoyed that he had let it leave his lips. It was a freudian slip, yes, but he wasn't going to admit that.
He wanted to tell you again, and he wanted to tell you over and over and over again until you believed it, but he didn't want to push it too far. You had only just gotten back to normal, and he didn't want to ruin it just as quickly as he had gotten it back.
You both worked in silence until you needed to go to your 4th lesson of the day, yours being Spanish and Lando's being chemistry. "Can I walk you there?" he asked, not caring if he was late for chemistry, he hated the lesson anyway.
"Sure," you agreed, packing up your stuff and walking by his side. Lando wanted to be able to reach out, intertwine his fingers with yours and feel the warmth of your hand. But again, that'd be too much far too soon.
People gave you dubious glances as you walked through the corridors, and the people going into your class thought it was weird when Lando just stood outside with you when they knew he wasn't in their class. "Have a good lesson, yeah? I'll see you in maths," he smiled, leaning against the wall next to the classroom door.
"Yeah, enjoy chemistry," you smiled at him, walking in and taking your seat. After spending all that time with Lando, you forgot one teeny weeny detail. You sat with Lilly in Spanish. Great. And the realisation kicked in when she took her seat next to you.
Dread settled in the pit of your stomach, even if she didn't say anything for the first half of the lesson. The two of you didn't have any reason to talk, so you were perfectly happy with ignoring her existence and getting your lesson out of the way.
Yet of course, you had to do partner work. The task was simple, it was just testing each other on vocab. One of you would give the English word, and the other would give the Spanish word back. But, it wasn't like you could get out of it or ask to move places, since that would be way too obvious. She didn't initiate the conversation, so you had to be the bigger person and start it.
"Do you want me to ask first or do you want to?" you asked, and she looked at you as if you had just thrown up on her. The disgust on her face was obvious, since she made no attempt to hide it. If anything, she was playing up to make you feel worse.
"You can ask," she said, leaning back in her chair and folding her arms. You looked at the vocabulary that you had written down in your book, scanning through the different words.
"OK... what is the plot?" you asked, and she sighed.
"Don't know." Oh. So that was how this was going to go. OK, yeah, sure, you got the idea.
"El argumento. What is the scene?"
"Don't know." she said, looking bored as ever. She looked like she wanted to say something, but for whatever reason, she was holding her tongue. That wasn't like Lilly, not at all, so you were slightly surprised.
"It's really easy, come on," you huffed, feeling quite frustrated that she was being so stubborn and pig headed. But it was Lilly, what else were you expecting?
"Look, Y/N, if it wasn't already obvious, I don't like you, and I'm certainly not going to sit here and play classmates with you, OK?" she said in the way an adult would scold a child.
"Good, because if it wasn't already obvious, I don't like you either. But I'm not going to sit here and be a bitch about it, OK?" you replied with the same tone, and you spotted the spark that ignited in her eyes.
Did you slightly regret snapping back? Yes. But was it a little fun? Hell yeah.
"Ha, please. I'm not a bitch, you're just delusional," she scoffed, rolling her eyes at you. Delusional? How had that come out of your previous sentence? Clearly noticing the confusion on your face, she spoke again.
"Did you see that little show that Lando put on this morning? He's a good actor, isn't he? Mind you, it is quite pathetic that you believed it." she said, and you dropped your book down onto the table.
"You and I both know that that is absolute-"
"He just uses you, you know that? Ever since you've been 'friends', haven't you noticed that his grades in pretty much everything have gone up? He didn't mean a word of it," she spat, and it was like she had read your mind and brought back up the rest of your insecurities.
She had triggered them earlier, and now she was doing it again. "Not so mouthy now, are we?" she grinned, clearly satisfied with your facial expression.
You felt the familiar trepidation of seeing Lando next period coming back to the fore, and all you could muster was a simple, "And this is why nobody likes you."
"Lando seems to," she said after hearing your quip, but you both knew it was bullshit. At least that wasn't true. Or was it? You didn't know what was true in regards to you and Lando anymore.
Did he really just use you to get his grades up? Was that all this was?
Spanish was over after a little while, but you went straight to your maths classroom so that you wouldn't have to see Lando during break. Your teacher wasn't there, so you just sat in your seat to think about things.
She walked in after some time, you couldn't say how much time you had been sat there, but there were likely only a few minutes left until break was over. "Y/N? What's wrong? Did something happen with Lando again?" she asked, seeing the look on your face.
"Not with Lando. Well, not Lando directly, anyway." you mumbled, and she knelt down in front of your desk.
"You can tell me," she said. Lando had said the exact same thing to you earlier in the day, but it didn't have the same effect coming from her.
"It's fine, I've got it covered," you said, and she decided not to press the issue further. It wasn't long before the bell went and people started filtering in. Surprisingly, Lando was one of the first to walk in and came to his seat next to you.
"Lando, to the back," your teacher said, and he instantly knew something was wrong.
"Miss, it's fine, really," you reassured her, and Lando briskly took his seat beside you. He could tell the energy around you was off, and he was hell bent on getting to the bottom of it.
Meanwhile, Lilly's words were storming through your head like a runaway freight train. 'He just uses you'. It had been a fear you had held for a while, albeit one that you had convinced yourself of being irrational.
Surely, there was no way he'd do that, right? There was no way he would hug you, drive you home, walk you to class, spend his free time on projects for you if he was just using you. People weren't overly nice to people they were exploiting.
Or maybe he was just doing it to butter you up, keep you sweet for him. Keep his grades higher. Maybe he had figured out that his niceties got him favours from you, all of which involved help on his school work.
Maybe he was what you initially thought he was when you first talked to him on that broken down bus. A character. A special version of Lando Norris, crafted just for you. The edition of him that would get him what he wanted in the most efficient manner.
Maybe, just maybe, Lilly was right. Lando was the star actor, the leading role, the puppet master. And you were simply the one on the strings, dancing to whatever sick tune he played.
While you were thinking, Lando let some of the lesson go by until you were set off to work on some questions. "What's wrong?" he asked straight up, turning his body so that he was facing you more. When you didn't answer him, he nudged your leg with his knee under the table. "Come on, I know something's wrong. Is it about earlier?"
'No, I've just come to the conclusion that you might be using me' was what you thought, but you still couldn't deduce whether it was just Lilly and your mind wreaking havoc on you, or if it was the uncovered truth.
"Tell me what's going on in that pretty head of yours," he said, hoping to get some form of a smile from the compliment. He would take anything at this point. However, you gave him nothing. You kept your eyes trained on your paper, your pen mindlessly scribbling.
"Was it Lilly?" he asked, and he saw the slight change in your expression. Well at least he knew something about what was going on with you. Even just the mention of it triggered the familiar, hot prickle of tears at the backs of your eyes.
Lando spotted you welling up, and he knew he'd hit a sore spot. "Hey, no, I'm sorry for pushing, I'll stop, it's OK," he rambled, feeling panicked at the prospect of you crying. He had seen it a few times, and it was a few times too many.
He also didn't want you to feel embarrassed by crying in the middle of class, especially not because of him. "You're OK, I'm sorry, it's OK," he tried to soothe as you tried to fight the tears back.
Lando wished he could just hug you like he had before, since that seemed to take the pain away for a little bit. At least then, he wouldn't feel so useless and like he was just sitting by and watching you get upset.
All he wanted was to hold you in his arms, make sure that no one else could ever hurt you again. But even then, it probably wouldn't be enough. "It's nothing," was all you could muster out, and something in Lando snapped.
He was so frustrated, he didn't know what to do with himself. He tried to tear his eyes away from you, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He wanted to look at your pretty face all day. But, he left you alone, returning to his maths.
Lando couldn't focus though, and time seemed to move unbelievably slowly while he was waiting for the lesson to end so that he could talk to you in a less public space. The bell had rung after an agonising half an hour, but you were too quick for him to catch as you practically ran out of the classroom.
He couldn't spot you as you walked through the corridors, since the hoards of people leaving their lessons obstructed his view. Darting out of school, he saw the bus waiting, and he was meant to be catching it, but he didn't care about that right now.
On the other side of the road, he saw you walking down the pavement with your headphones stuffed in your ears. He had to jog across the road as he was nearly ran over by a van, but that was the least of his worries right now.
"Y/N!" he called out after you, but you clearly hadn't heard him over your music. That wasn't going to going to deter him, however, as he continued to jog down the pavement and started walking next to you. "Y/N, talk to me," he said, slightly huffing as he finally got to slow down.
"Hm? Oh," you mumbled as you heard him beside you, not knowing what to say. You didn't want to push him away, but you didn't want to be like this anymore.
"C'mon, tell me, I'm here, there's no one around, it's just you and me," he tried to convince you. Stopping and turning to look a him, he saw the tears welling up in your eyes again, and he still didn't know what to do.
"You can't just be my friend again, then suddenly stop talking to me and not even tell me why," he ranted, his frustration seeping through his words.
"Look, I don't think we should be friends, Lando." you said, and he felt like his heart had stopped beating in his chest.
What the hell had triggered this? Why were you thinking like this? And why wouldn't you tell him what was going on? He hoped that this was just some spur of the moment thing, that you were just upset and acting on impulses.
God, he couldn't take this again. Not again, he wouldn't let you walk away from him again. He wouldn't lose you again. He had lost you once and it had been the worst few days of his recent memory, and he wasn't going to let you slip away that easily.
"No, no, don't do that. Don't do this to me, don't be stupid," he scoffed, waiting for you to crack a smile and tell him you were kidding and that you were just a bit on edge from something or another. The smile never came.
"Why? Why the fuck are you coming to this conclusion?" he continued, but the tears just started to silently fall down your cheeks.
"Me being associated with you just brings us both unwanted stress and upset. Your friends take the piss out of you, everyone seems to take the piss out of me and I can't do it Lando. You're brilliant but I just can't do this anymore," you sobbed, trying to walk away from him.
"No, no, you can't say that and not tell me what someone said to you," he pressed, grabbing your wrist and tugging you back so that you couldn't walk away from him. "I know it was Lilly, but you've gotta tell me what she said to you."
"She... nothing," you stuttered, and Lando's patience was wearing very damn thin.
"No, don't try pull that bullshit with me, I will not have it. You're going to give me one good fucking reason right now or I will lose it with you," he said through gritted teeth.
"She said that you don't actually want to be my friend and that you just use me to get better grades and it got me thinking and-"
"And what?" he cut you off, "You really believe a word that slimy bitch says? Sure, you helping me with my work is great, I won't deny that, but I spend time with you for you. And you wanna know why? Because I think you're amazing. You're funny, pretty and a hell of a lot smarter than anyone should be." he carried on, and he realised by your facial expression that he may have said more than he was meant to, but he didn't care at this point.
"You... huh?" you said, the words replaying over in your head. Was he meant to say that or was he still just trying to keep you attached to him?
"I said I think you're amazing and you're more to me than just a tutor. You're my friend. Dare I say one of my favourites because you never take the piss out of me, you're always nice to me, and being around you makes me happy. And you're too smart to believe a word she says." he reaffirmed.
Your eyes searched his face for any trace of dishonesty, any hint of a lie. Yet, it they found nothing. Not a speck of chicanery in sight. He kept saying all this stuff, and it was supposed to be exactly what you needed to hear. Then why wasn't it?
"Were you and Lilly ever anything?" you asked, the question slipping past your lips before you could even find it in yourself to stop it. You didn't even know why you cared - well, you did. The stallion of jealousy was rearing its ugly head, and there was no way that you could suppress it.
You liked him, you liked him a lot. And, even if he had only had something fleeting with Lilly, it still would have upset you.
"No." he sharply and quickly answered. "Why the fuck would I ever-" he started, before cutting himself off with a sigh. Getting annoyed at you wasn't the best approach, even if you were making it damn impossible not to. "No. No I never and will never have anything with her." he said.
"But still, people are still awful to me and to you," you whispered, trying to hold back even more tears.
"That doesn't matter, not to me. I don't give a shit what people think, I just give a shit about you." he pleaded, hoping and praying that you weren't going to turn around and leave him.
Despite the clear sincerity in his voice, you couldn't bring yourself to believe him. As much as you desperately wanted to believe him, you couldn't. You needed to believe him, but you couldn't.
The worst part was was that you knew the notion was completely absurd, but you believed it anyway. "Please don't do this..." he whispered, moving his hands to hold you at the top of your arms. God, he didn't want you to go. Not again.
"I'm sorry, Lando..." you mumbled, shrugging away from his grip and pushing your headphones back into your ears. With every step you took, it felt like another stab to his already broken heart.
Lando closed his eyes, unable to watch you walk away from him. "I thought you were the smartest person I knew, but it turns out you're the fucking dumbest," he called out after you, his voice cracking on the words.
It was mean, sure, but he didn't care. What he did care about wa the fact that the only girl he had ever had real feelings for was walking away from him, and there was seemingly nothing he could do to bring you back. Nothing.
A/N - Already 5k into the next part of this, and I'm sorry, I know it felt like it was just getting better. Alas, we're getting there. And happy birthday Lando! He may piss me off to no end, but damn do I love writing about him 💖
tag list: @cheriladycl01 @ln4swiftie @mariedeyes223 @ironmaiden1313 @daemyraforever56
#f1#formula 1#f1 x reader#f1 x you#formula 1 x reader#formula 1 imagines#f1 imagines#formula 1 x you#f1 x y/n#formula 1 x y/n#lando norris#lando norris x you#lando norris x reader#lando norris x y/n#lando norris imagines#ln4#ln4 x y/n#ln4 x reader#ln4 x you#ln4 imagines
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younger! Reader having a pregnancy scare and she’s freaking out while Chris is just happy he might be a dad(she ended up not being preggo 🙁)
"I'm really worried about you, doll." Chris says, helping you to get back in the bed after spit out all your breakfast. He lightly rubs your hands, while you give him a weak smile, trying to tell him you're doing fine, even though you're not. You lay your head on the pillow, inhaling the scent of Chris in the bed sheets, the boy brushes your hair off your pale face. "You can handle anything in your stomach since monday."
"I'm probably just having a stomach bug, I'll be fine soon." You say, your voice sounds rasp, Chris groans rolling his blue eyes, really worried about how you're doing lately. Suffering with headaches, puking your meals and he's pretty sure your period is late, because you didn't complain about any cramps this month yet. He's really thinking about this.
Like, he knows you're only nineteen, but he also knows you sometimes fuck raw and even though you take pills, sometimes accidents happens.
"Doll, you're sure this is not — you know." Chris hums, you frown your eyebrows in confusion, lifting your body to stare at him better. Chris sighs, holding your waist to help you to sit, he rests his hand on your thigh.
"This is not what?" You ask, genuinely confused about what he's talking about. Chris lowered his eyes, looking at your belly covered with his blue hoodie, you follow his eyes, staring at your body too. You widen your eyes once you realize what he's talking about. Definitely no. "Chris, no. I'm pretty sure I'm not pregnant."
"You don't know!" He groans. You take a deep breath, shaking your head, giggling lightly. This is crazy, you're not pregnant, Chris' just overreacting on your sickness. "Look, you're throwing up, getting more tired and I know your period is late." He points, sounding a bit desperate. You cup his cheeks, smiling soft and shaking your head again.
"Baby, I'm on birth control and my period is not late." You say, trying to relax your desperate boyfriend. Chris opens his mouth, but you cover his lips with your thumbs. "I'm just having bad days, probably because I'm getting more stressed with my exams. Don't put this on your head, pretty."
"You should take a test to make sure."
"Stop saying this, okay? I'm definitely not pregnant." You giggle, kissing Chris' lips.
You're not pregnant, or you are? Your stomach bug is still making you puke your meals, now your period is really late by some days. Maybe Chris is right, maybe you're growing a baby in your uterus. The idea of being pregnant makes you feel scared, you're only nineteen, you definitely can't have a baby, not now. Chris is still worried, he bought a pregnancy test the other day, but he didn't say anything, because he knows you'd deny taking the test.
Sitting on the couch, rubbing your own arms, after throwing up again. Chris brings you a glass of water, his worried eyes staring at your soul. He kneeled down in front of you, rubbing your knee.
"Maybe I'm pregnant." You murmur, your voice cracking, almost sounding like a whisper. Chris frowns his eyebrows, resting the glass on the coffee table, he holds your hands and rests them on your thigh. "Maybe you're right."
"You want to take a test?" He asks, rubbing your small hands. You open your mouth, but nothing comes out, only a weak sight. He takes this as a 'yes', he squeezes your hands before lift and walks towards his room to take the test he's been hiding in the bathroom cabinet. He walks back, sitting by your side and handing you the box.
"I'm scared, Chris." You whisper, he nods grabbing your chin to give you a peck on your lips. You smile, a weak smile trying to be positive. You don't want to be pregnant.
"I'm here with you, doll. It doesn't matter if it's positive or negative, I'll be by your side." Chris cups your cheeks, your eyes getting glassy by the fear of being a mother at nineteen, but Chris' words help you to calm down a bit.
You walk to Matt's bathroom, Chris waits for you outside. You take the test with your hands shaking, your heart racing and your lips trembling. Outside of the bathroom, Chris is thinking about you being pregnant, he wants to be a dad and wants to grow a family with you. Of course he's scared, he doesn't know how to take care of the baby, but he'll figure it out. He's thinking about all of this and he doesn't know if you're really pregnant, but in case you are, he's already ready for the news.
"Chris?" You call, the test upside down on the sink. Chris comes in, holding your shoulders and rubbing lightly. "I didn't look yet, I'm too scared."
"We're gonna figure it out, babydoll. Trust me." Chris says, picking the test and looking at the visor. His smile fades when he sees the result, you widen your eyes picking the test from his hand. Your body instantly relaxes, you were freaking out.
Negative. You're not pregnant.
"Thank God, I was shitting my pants." You smile, resting your head on Chris' shoulder. "We're not gonna be parents, at least for a while." You sigh, genuinely happy for not carrying a baby. But Chris looks kinda. . . Upset? You frow your eyebrows, putting the test back in the sink, you hold your boyfriend's hands and give him a kiss on the chin. "Baby, you want me to be pregnant? Be honest."
"Hm, no — I mean, I kinda like the idea of having a kid with you." He says, you smile nodding with your head. You let it go his hands and cup his cheeks. "I would like to be a dad."
"Oh, baby. I would love to be a mom and have kids with you, but we're too young for this. In a couple years, when we have our own place, we can think about a baby." You brush your thumb on his cheek, offering a soft smile. Even though you're only nineteen, you're really mature. Your words make Chris smile and nod, that's okay for him. Having a baby in a couple years, he'll remember this. "I love you, baby."
"I love you so much more, babydoll. Mother of my future kids."
꩜ chérie's notes: y/n is not pregnant and chris' upset :(((( poor baby, just want a baby to call he dad.
taglist ; @lizzymacdonald06 @lushjunkie @sweetreliever @watercolorskyy @ivysturnss @brianna-grace12 @blahbel668 @gabri3la-sturns @stvrnzcherries @unknvhx @pvssychicken @all4l0vee @i4longhairchris @sluttybitchformattsturniolo @sophand4n4 @sturniololetstrip2 @zayluvss @sturnsmia @sofieeeeex @ifwdominicfike @planettori @jetaimevous @leclecwifey16 @mattswifeyx @joclyn240 @voqueflms @pepsicola-pussy @sturnobsessedwh0re @chrissturnioloswifeee @sturniolossss @imonlyhereformattfluff @sturniolosluttt
masterlist. | taglist.
#chrisbesitos 𝜗ৎ#sturniolo triplets#chris sturniolo#christopher sturniolo#꒰ younger.ᐟreader ꒱#꒰ older.ᐟchris ꒱#chris sturniolo x y/n#ꞌꞌ ࣪ chérie loves yapping ✿ . ꒱#chris sturniolo fanfic
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Constant Companions Closeup #2: NOT QUITE THERE
(also on spotify!)
b-b-back once again
Round two of the Constant Companions Closeups - a series of in-depth dives into the songs off of my latest album, Constant Companions! Yesterday was track one, Dyad - today is track two, Not Quite There, featuring the incomparable telebasher!
This one's a bit of a dark horse relative to the rest of the album, but it may very well be my personal favorite song on the entire thing so dammit let's Yap
---
For the uninitiated, this song pulls heavily from a song off my previous album called Gummyworm, both in vibe and by very directly quoting its synth motif.
Both of these songs deal with two sides of the same emotional coin. I actually don't want to go into too much detail about it - I feel like the lyrics spell things out clearly enough - but I will say this:
When it's all you know, it's easy to believe that a love that isolates you, a love that doesn't respect you, a love that hurts is better than no love at all.
You deserve better. There are always people who genuinely want what's best for you, who want you to feel truly loved. It certainly isn't always easy - it's genuinely good if your interpersonal relationships have a little friction sometimes - but love should make your life brighter.
You deserve a love that's fair.
---
The original version of this song was actually intended to be on Bittersweet alongside Gummyworm. The original concept for that album had a whole heady concept involving duality, songs reflecting each other, the two halves basically being reprisals of each other... Ultimately, I'm glad I scrapped that idea, because it was waaaaaay too much for me to manage after a couple years of barely making music. Maybe I'll revisit it someday though?
The drums on this song are sampled from an Instagram post by Louis Cole, where he's doing this crazy one-handed hi-hat blast by holding a drumstick sideways. I'm a drummer and that shit genuinely scares me a little like i dont know how he does half the things he does its fucked BUT. I bring this up because he's one of my biggest inspirations as a musician! I'm really big on jazz in general, in case my love for spicy chords wasn't enough of an indication, but his specific brand of freaky hyperactive bullshit just does it for me.
Seriously, go watch his band KNOWER play their song Overtime. Absolutely insane performances across the board. also Clown Core
This whole song is really just my attempt at matching some of that hectic jazzy energy with my own style of music, so I figured it only made sense to make it another collab with another musician making delightfully frantic jazz bullshit - the legend herself, telebasher! I really am such a massive fan of her work, and I struggle to think of anyone who plays guitar quite like she does. We previously worked together on another Bittersweet track, Asemic Speech, and her guitar work is a major reason why that song is still one of my favorite I've ever released!! She's just built different like listen to this oh my god!!!!
Lastly, since this song was one of the first written for this entire project... it is admittedly a case of me shoehorning the album's leitmotif in after the fact. It's a little forced when it shows up in the backing vocals! But, the choir of vocal synths during the guitar solo served an additional purpose - my own voice doesn't show up on the album again for another four entire songs, and this would've otherwise been the only song on the entire album that didn't feature any vocal synths. Thus did I attempt to bridge the gap, as it were. Hopefully it makes the final product feel more natural!!
Either way, that's all for today's post.... i think.... which means that tomorrow.... we're gonna rot.... for clout
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hearing her talk about plans for chicago was endearing to him, especially when he was the yapper between the two of them. "that sounds perfect. should we plan for a longer chicago trip? if i remember correctly, i'm pretty sure we're gonna be there at the end of the month. you know, maybe we can even head out to champaign-urbana. it's not every day that we're in illinois." tyler throws in his own suggestions.
there was just an eagerness he had in wanting to create these memories with yaz and experience new things with her. whenever the opportunity arises, tyler will want to take it. just like he'll take every opportunity for a cute, cringe thing just for them. "yeah send me the playlist too. one day, when i'm free, i'll burn it on a cd too for us. you know, having a little physical copy of it would be super cute too."
truthfully, tyler was shocked that yaz didn't seem to know about his other reputation. the resident stoner guy™ reputation. but before he can say anything, her exclamation interrupts him and she breaks into song. it makes him giggle and watch her in his peripherals with nothing but adoration. he raises their hands slightly and swings them side-to-side in time with the rhythm of the song.
yeah, this is who he wants to spend the rest of his days with.
when the song comes to an end, tyler's bringing her hand up to his lips and peppering kisses to her knuckles once again. he wishes he could just lean over and kiss her silly, but alas, he isn't trying to get into a car accident. that just wouldn't be very best boyfriend behavior of him. "have i told you how much i like you? because i think i just fell even more just now. hear me out: perfect afternoon, us listening to your records, our lil furbabies cuddling with us while you sing and i smoke. heaven right there." he paints the picture once he's pulled her hand away from him.
post-dated 11.11.24:
As she looked at herself in the mirror, she couldn’t help but exhale several deep breaths. She wasn’t entirely sure that this was nerves - it couldn’t be. Her and Tyler at this point were already well acquainted, so the danger of the unknown when it came to dating wasn’t entirely applicable here ... yet still, she wanted to make a good impression for him.
Outfit after outfit laid on her floor in her indecision before opting for a tight, black dress with several revealing cut-outs. She had been going back and forth while she did a small turn in the mirror. Was this trying too hard? Was there even such a thing? She knew just from her comfortability with Tyler that he would be fine with her just wearing a paper bag … but it wasn’t good enough for her. He deserved to have her at her best, just as he had done the same for her since they began whatever blooming relationship this was beginning to be.
“You think this is fine, Tofi?” She spoke to the dog like he’d give her any kind of validation and in own way, he did. With a wag of his tail and expression, happy as ever. Leaning down, she pressed a kiss to the top of her pup’s head before grabbing her purse to head out the door. “Be a good boy. I’ll be back later.” She hushed as the clinks of her heels followed her out the door, leading her to Tyler’s front door. And with a baited breath, she knocked.
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ARCANE DRINK HCs
So I was bored at an ungodly hour of the night so instead of sleeping....I did this.
This was written before season 2 came out. Thought this would just be a fun little ting.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Jinx - water of the day/ jungle juice
If u don't know water of the day just go look at it rq : here
Yea she does that. It's either that or she makes a cooler amount of jungle juice from random stuff she grabs from the bar and makes that last for a good while.
I don't even think she likes the taste of alcohol that much. Hell I think she airs on the lightweight side. But if she's drinking she's gonna want it to be sweet and taste like juice.
Vander - Whiskey
Cmon, the big guy of the undercity gotta have something that tows the line of sophistication and earthiness. He likes the subtle complexity that it offers. Something to take the edge off after a night of running the bar.
He's not the type to get "carried away" with it but...if he isn't careful he could def chug down a thing of Sir Davis like it didn't cost 90 bucks.
Other than that he's probably gonna keep it cute with a pint of beer on the reg.
Vi - whatever gets her drunk quicker
Cmon....We've seen the season 2 shorts. We know how bad it gets.
Imma be real I wouldn't be surprised if she just got to the point of chugging straight everclear like she does NOT care.
But sure let's give her a normal non angst circumstance. I think she'd develop a taste for whiskey. Ya know as a treat.
I'd like to think Vander gave her her first drink when she was still young, not like a full pour, just a bit for the taste. She hated it at first but over time it grew on her. Now whenever she has it, she's reminded of him.
Cait - Martinis
Cait doesn't drink very often, she's more likely to drink at events her family hosts.
I think she likes to keep it classy with a martini cause it's nice to sip, plus it's a bit stronger so it makes her pace herself. But she's not an olive girly, she's a citrus twist girly. Depending on her mood it's either gonna be orange or lemon.
Mel - That's that me espresso (martini)
Yes I was legally obligated to make that joke.
This would be a fav for her to have when she has an evening to herself. It's creamy, rich, a Lil sweet. It's a nice combination. She'd also have this when she's with Jayce or anyone she considers a close friend. Otherwise she is not bringing this to a function.
Nope at the function she is a pinot grigio haver. It's light, fruity, and keeps her pushing.
Jayce - Beeyah
This dude will have a DAY of being a politician amd immediately hit the fridge for a Modelo and a lime wedge like it's a cold cigarette to ease the pain.
He's like Mr. Boss in that one episode of smiling friends asking the waitress what kinda Lagers they got. But at the same time being very anal about the fact that beers and lagers are not the same thing.
("All lagers are beers, but not all beers are lagers" - Jayce probably)
Bro is one of those guys that care about ipas.
Viktor - Vodkah + mules
No this isn't because he's eastern european.
Ok maybe partially but that's not the point.
First off I don't think his body takes hard liquor straight up that well, so occasionally he'd have a straight shot of vodka just to feel something. It hurts but not in the usual way ya know.
But in reality if he wants something to enjoy once in a while it's gonna be a classic Moscow Mule, it's not that strong and is nice to sip.
Silco - Scotch
This feels self explanatory like look at him.
Sevika - Whiskey
Similar to Vander she's into Whiskey but she's not in it for the savoring of it. Like in her case she will actively down that sir David and grab another one off the shelf once the first bottles done.
Ekko - dry as a desert
Given the environment that the firefights have curated I don't think he's the type to drink. I wouldn't be surprised if that whole area is dry and honestly good for them.
#arcane season 2#arcane#arcane headcanon#vi arcane#mel medarda#jayce talis#viktor arcane#jinx arcane#sevika#caitlyn kiramman#yes the spelling is intentional on some things#silco#vander
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Chapter 4: Promise
Bewitched Masterlist
Summary: You cope with the loss of your loved ones and try to reconnect with someone you thought was dead.
WARNINGS❗: Violence, descriptions of death, panic attacks, almost death, reference to reader working in a brothel (nothing explicit), blood.
Words: 2.4K
A/N: As I said in one of my posts, writing this was very difficult because I just want to make comfort for my wife. Maybe I'll write a shot or two apart from this fanfic. Let me know if you are interested! (And sorry for this chapter)
You were right. They should never have done that job.
Now they were all dead.
After their first kiss they never talked about it again. They didn't have time (much less when they were interrupted by their brothers who wanted to see if everyt
hing was okay). So yep, they never talked about how they felt.
And now they lost that opportunity forever.
After robbing the townhouse upstairs everything started to go downhill. Mylo got them in trouble and soon after the enforcers arrived. From then on everything went from bad to worse. Until it came to this.
Your friends, dead.
You weren't there when it all happened. You couldn't have been. After witnessing Benzo's death you fell into a nervous breakdown. You tried to comfort Ekko, but your breathing was getting shallower and shallower and the tears were building up faster and faster, but you still managed to stay calm enough to climb down from the roof with Ekko to unlock the door that locked Vi.
After opening the door you stood with Ekko, you heard him say a couple of things to Vi, you even felt him move away from your side to get closer to her, but you didn't move an inch. Your head felt empty and your gaze felt blurry. A white noise buzzed in your ears. You thought you heard Vi speak, but, again, you didn't understand what she was saying. Your mind had only an image playing over and over and over and over....
And over again.
The screams of the executioners and the sound of gunshots.... The muffled sound of bodies falling to the ground. The image of your brother, paralyzed from his hiding place on the roof, watching everything, as always. You didn't stop him in time, but you had no way of knowing what was going to happen. They both heard Benzo cursing the person in front of them (Silco, she seemed to remember) and Vander trying to stop him. The next thing they heard was a thump and Vander's scream. They saw the blood splatter and heard the loud clang of metal against the floor. And from there they saw the body of the man who had adopted them. Bleeding out on the floor. And at some point you managed to get out of shock and hugged Ekko against your chest, preventing him from seeing what was happening in front of you. But you saw it all. Vander being beaten again and again, the blood spilled, the executioner who delivered them and the man leaving as the creature dragged Vi's father away. All the while you felt your brother trembling against you, sobbing silently. Clinging to the only family he had left. And you clung to him too, trying to comfort him (and yourself too) as you watched the spectacle of blood in front of you.
The bodies. The empty looks. The violence. It was all in your head.
But maybe, maybe if you had insisted more. If you'd stopped Vi, if you hadn't given in to helping them, maybe you could have prevented this, maybe Benzo would still be alive and Vander would be safe, maybe we all....
"Sunshine"
Suddenly it all disappeared, her voice and her hand on your shoulder bringing you abruptly back to reality. You blinked a couple of times before you could focus on her in front of you. Vi looked worried. She gently brought her hand to your cheek, holding and caressing it as her other hand slid from your shoulder to your waist gently. You saw her turn to Ekko, nodding to him before he left the room.
A little later you realized. You were shaking.
Once Ekko left the room your tremors increased more and more, tears ran hot down your cheeks one after another while your breathing became shallower and shallower.
Your head was spinning and you felt like you couldn't breathe. Your legs failed, but Vi, as quick and observant as ever, held you up before you had a chance to fall. She held you against her and gently guided you both to sit on the floor as you hid in the crook of her neck. She held you tightly against her chest as she too let out some of her own pain.
And all was silent for a moment.
Until it wasn't.
First she heard a muffled sound, a sob, she thought. But it came again and she felt you writhing against her. Quickly she forced her body away from yours and looked at your face, painted in a horrifying mixture of pain and panic. In a panicked voice she asked you what was wrong, but you couldn't answer. You shook your head, eyes wide and one hand holding your shirt. She saw you squirm a couple of times before she noticed. You couldn't breathe properly.
However, she remembered seeing you help Powder at some point where her sister had had some panic or anxiety attack. So she could only replicate your actions. She held your free hand and brought it up to her chest while her other hand held your neck and part of your jaw.
Vi softly whispered your name, looking at you gently and firmly, capturing your attention "Breathe with me, okay? Can you do that for me?" Despite the nervousness and anxiety that was also boiling in her chest, Vi tried to regulate her heartbeat to give you some reassurance. Something to hold on to. "Feel my heartbeat, focus on that."
A few moments passed like that, until you finally managed to get your breathing back together a little and a sob mixed with an attempt to cough came out of you, letting out relieved sigh from Vi's lips "There you are, honey" A clearer sob came out of you before you started crying again, but this time more calmly "You're doing great, love" she slowly brought your foreheads together until you had them against each other.
A restless part of her wanted to run out and find Vander. She needed to know where he had been taken. She needed to go looking for him.
But I knew I couldn't leave you. Not like this at least.
So she stood there with you for a while longer, holding you and reassuring you while trying to do the same for herself.
A few minutes later, you were stable enough to regulate your emotions.
"Thank you."
Vi had barely been able to hear you. Your hoarse, cracked voice had barely come out in a tiny whisper. Her heart couldn't help but squeeze.
"You're welcome honey."
But her heart squeezed even tighter when she realized she needed to ask you that question. And she needed to ask it now.
"Sunshine" Violet whispered against you. You let out a small murmur to make it clear to her that you heard her "Where did they take him?"
Your heart stopped for a moment. And you couldn't help but want to cry again.
"Vi..."
"Please."
Her voice, just as broken as yours, begged you as you pulled her body apart so you could see her face. A silent plea etched in her gaze.
"I can't lose you too" hot tears pooled in the corners of your eyes, threatening to slide down your cheeks again.
"I can't afford to lose him too" she sobbed as she held your hand tightly "I can't lose anyone else".
The worst thing is that you understood her. That's why you told her where you had heard they were taking Vander.
How much you regretted it now.
You tried to go with her, you really did. But she made you promise to stay in the store. I couldn't let you go with her, not when you were so unstable. Not when she was so afraid something would happen to you.
"I can't lose you both" She had whispered that afternoon in a broken voice as she held you against her "I can't lose you."
So you made a promise.
You promised to distance yourself from Vander's rescue. You promised to take care of Powder if anything happened.
But Vi assured you that nothing would happen, that they would come back with Vander. That she would come back to you.
What a big lie.
So you didn't say goodbye. Just see you soon.
You often think about it.
You saw her leave in a hurry. Not before giving you a hug and leaving you in Ekko's care. Your little brother stood for a moment by the door, watching your gaze lost in the blood-covered glass. He slowly approached you and plopped down next to you on the floor, resting his head on your stomach, trying to hug you despite his small musculature. You put an arm around him, while your other hand gently caressed his head.
"We're going to be fine Ekko."
And they were, eventually.
You think that's one of the only promises you were able to keep back then.
After Vi left, you and Ekko stayed in that room for a while, side by side until you fell asleep. Until you heard the explosion, waking you both up. You remember running outside the tent and seeing blue smoke in the sky. An alarm went off in your head. Violet.
That was the first promise you broke.
You hesitated, you really tried to stay in the tent with Ekko. But your concern for your friends was greater. You made sure your brother stayed in there before you left.
When you arrived the flames had already been extinguished and the blood on the floor was diluted with rainwater. You carefully entered the building, trying not to step on anything that would cause a collapse. You searched all that remained of what was once the warehouse. You waited for a scream, a sob, something to tell you they were here and needed help. It never came. But you still stayed.
But they say that the curiosity killed the cat.
It was when you were about to give up that you found them. Or at least what was left of them.
You found only fragments of their bodies charred by fire. And you did manage to make out the head of Powder's toy monkey. And that told you everything you needed to know.
You returned to the tent, Ekko waiting for you at the entrance. You didn't need to tell him anything, your expression revealed everything he needed to know.
They were dead.
Then you broke your second promise.
You tried to carry on with Ekko for a few years, working for Babette for half the week (which Ekko didn't like very much), but soon after you quit your part-time job to devote yourself entirely to the project you had created with your brother after you both found a big tree in one of the corners of the undercity. The firelights.
But some time before you retired from your job you found out about it. One of your customers told you about it after you completed your work (some people sometimes got very talkative).
Powder was alive, and she called herself Jinx now.
It took everything you had not to cry like a baby in front of your client. How did you not find out sooner? You could have take care of her all this time, you could have been there for her after her siblings died.
But then your client blurted out one more piece of information. Powder Jinx worked for Silco.
That bastard.
That same day, after your workday, you returned to the room (if you could call it that) that you shared with Ekko in the tree and told him everything. You both agreed that you should go and look for her.
Maybe she would be angry, but the least you could do was to try. So they did.
When they found her she was alone on the roof of The Last Drop. Let's just say things were getting worse by the minute.
"Sunny?" her voice, broken and frightened as her eyes shifted from Ekko to you in panic "What are you doing here?"
You tried to approach her, but stopped when she took a step backwards.
"Pow, I swear we didn't know, we thought you were-"
"Dead?" she finished coolly. You nodded carefully, looking into her eyes. "And now that you found me what?"
It was then that Ekko decided to enter the conversation "Powder us-" For a split second something changed in her eyes, as if she wasn't there.
"Shut up" She blurted out, not looking at either of them.
"What?" Ekko turned to look at you, concerned.
"I'm not talking to you, asshole."
"Powder, we just want to..." But she didn't let you finish.
"Don't call me that" she shouted, this time looking back at you "You and Vi are the same trash, always tricking me so you can tell me what to do. You don't care about me at all."
Ekko took a step forward, standing next to you as he raised his hands, trying to calm his once friend "That's not true, Powder. We really-"
"I SAID DON'T CALL ME THAT" She shouted loudly, this time pointing her gun at your brother's head "You have no right, I don't need to be saved."
They should have understood at that moment. But their hearts wouldn't let them. And that almost cost them their lives.
Slowly you tried to put Ekko behind you, making at your movement Jinx now pointed at your head.
"Surely you and Vi planned it" She blurted out with her voice brimming with anger "Surely you both planned a way to leave and leave me to my fate" your heart ached at those words. What had happened that day to make Powder react like that? For her to jump to such conclusions? Violet loved her more than anything in the world. It would never occur to her to leave her alone.
"No..." You heard the safety on the gun being removed, testing you "We would never do that. She loved you so much. I love you."
But you were both crying "You're a liar."
And then she released the shot.
~🦋~
That's the story of how you broke your second promise.
If the world wasn't screwed up with addictions you'd probably have a cigarette to celebrate everything you've endured to get here.
If it wasn't for Ekko's quick reaction you'd probably be dead. Instead you have a scar on your left cheek and a piece of your ear missing. But that's a thousand times better than being buried underground.
The worst thing (according to your brother) is that you forgive her for it.
And you'd go through the same thing a thousand times over just to talk some sense into her.
But you've done the math. Everyone has. There's no solution. Powder is gone, only Jinx is left. So that would never work.
Why she can't let her go?
Why she can't let anything go?
Because it hurt when you thought she was dead.
But it worse to know that she's alive and nothing will ever be the same again.
#vi arcane#vi from arcane#vi x reader#wlw fanfic#arcane#lesbian vi#arcane show#vi fanfic#bewitched#vi arcane x reader#vi#arcane x reader
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Dearest ANON,
"No, I'm not staying long"-- then Tommy practically moved in. Tommy &/or Buck decorated Buck's loft, making it feel cozy and lived in. His loft felt sterile with his other exes. Tommy had pajamas at Buck's loft, knew the way around his kitchen, & spent so much time at Buck's loft that he knew the parking situation outside. All canon. No tingling needed.
"You don't think about jumping ship"-- That was about Buck leaving the 118. WTF? It's not complicated.
Basketball tickets-- It's an anniversary gift. What made Tommy go to Buck's loft and apologize for getting between him and Eddie, which lead to flirting and their first kiss? BASKETBALL. It's romantic.
Eddie being a part of every Bucktommy scene-- Unfortunately, we didn't get very many BT scenes. He's friends with Tommy, and he's Buck's bff and coworker, so obviously, he's going to come up. We'll get more alone time between Buck and Tommy when Lou comes back.
Tommy not interacting with anyone besides Buck and Eddie-- you're right about that. It was weird. Why did TM feel he needed a past 118 guy to be Buck's first? He wanted Tommy to fit into Buck's world, so why were there no scenes between Tommy and the 118 OGs? That's another reason why I feel BT isn't over. Buck inviting Tommy to Chimney's wedding isn't a big enough reason to bring Tommy back after 5 seasons, so I feel there's more story to tell coming up.
Asking Tommy to move in prematurely--Buck asked Taylor to move in out of guilt and to "trap" her so she couldn't leave him. He asked Tommy to move in because he's comfortable with him. Buck is impulsive. He's matured a lot, but he still maims his BFF over a cute boy. Tommy is his opposite. Tommy will keep Buck more grounded (not moving in right away), and Buck makes Tommy's life more interesting. (Making Tommy dress up for a eulogy for a dead cowboy that gave Buck boils, maybe) Perfect couple imo.
Green break up shirt-- Oliver Stark looks good in green. Does he only wear green during break ups, or is it just a coincidence? I don't have every Buck outfit memorized, so please share with the class.
911 doesn't know their timeline, characters' ages, and natural disasters are all perfectly cleaned up at the next episode, but they plan shirt colors depending on a characters relationship status? You're giving the show way too much credit. But anything for Buddie canon, right?
Madney outfit color during pregnancy announcements--again JLH probably has colors that look better on her than others. And were the pregnancy announcement colors ONLY used for that reason?
Predicting a coma plot--it's 9-1-1. Someone is always in a coma. And wasn't that the episode OS was proud of and the buddies' review bombed it because they are evil? Yikes.
You are not seeing what the creators are putting down. After 7 seasons, you're still expecting a couple that will never happen, and your group is making everyone miserable because you are. The GA isn't stupid. They don't over analyze the fun out of everything. They take everything at face value and actually see what the creators are putting down. They saw a beautiful relationship developing before their eyes, and that rug was painfully pulled out from under them. Buddies are wrong about buddie, about LFJ/Tommy being hated by the viewers, and Bucktommy not having a healthy relationship. Hopefully, the creators will see how wonderful Buck and Tommy are together, and buddies can be wrong about "Bucktommy bones", too.
You said that the break up came out of nowhere so let me help you out:
“No, I’m not staying for long.” - Tommy in the scene of their first kiss “You don’t think about jumping ship, are you?” - Eddie to Buck when he visited Tommy Tommy giving Buck basketball tickets even though Buck hates basketball Eddie being either there or mentioned in almost every Bucktommy scene Tommy not interacting with anyone except Buck and Eddie in season 8 Buck asking Tommy to move in, showing that he didn’t really grew when it comes to relationships and still jumps head first instead of letting himself ease into it
And before you come at me for reading too much into things, I will just like to state, that we were right about the break up green. (Buck wearing green in his break ups with Ali, Taylor and now Tommy, and Eddie wearing green in the break up with Ana.)
911 doesn’t know their timeline, their characters’ ages and how Eddie’s house looks, but not everything is like that. The break up green is only one example. Madney wears the same colors during both of the pregnancy announcements. During season 6 fandom managed to predict the coma plot, from a glimpse of what Buck was wearing. You might think that we are delusional, but we are not. We see what the creators are putting down.
And maybe those are not the things that GA would pick up on, but you’re not GA and I believe that a lot of of people also saw the lack of chemistry between Bucktommy. I’m not saying everyone thought that, because obviously everyone can have a different opinion on the mater. I just think that the break up didn’t came out of left field at all.
Oh. You "see what the creators are putting down?"
Okay.
Please tell me... where is your fanon ship??
Where was your jealous Eddie?
Where is your "trapped buddie" scene?
How are your magnets doing?
Why were you so shocked about the Kim fiasco?
Why have you all preached that Buck has been ooc since 7.04?
You know... I could also "see what the creators are putting down" when I have someone who saw the episode early thus leaking the plot.
The fact that the only people who "saw what the creators were putting down" are buddie shippers??
That's all I need to know.
#911 abc fandom#I'm so sick of buddies shit#let us mourn in peace#temporarily of course#Tommy is coming back#words#apparently I had thoughts
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Me, when Sebastian joins my party for the first time: Okay, this time I'm not going to forget about you, Sebastian. I'm going to make an effort to use you a lot this playthrough so I can better understand you.
Also me, immediately forgetting about Sebastian while finishing Act 2 and making it halfway through Act 3 before I finally notice his Faith quest: ......................Oh. Right. My bad.
#da2#dragon age 2#sebastian vael#listen in my defense..........i don't like bringing sebastian anywhere sksksks#okay look i seriously tried but every time i bring him somewhere i always think man i wish i had brought someone else#and also i do just forget about him! i finally added him to my party at one point and he had 24 points to spend...#that's how long i neglected him after i promised myself i was gonna use him more and then i didn't#it's not that i don't like sebastian as a character though i do tend to side eye him A LOT... it's just that i like everyone else more#even aveline like i'd take aveline over sebastian any day and that's saying something... or is it? i have a lot of feelings about aveline#whereas my feelings about sebastian could maybe fill a thimble...it doesn't help that in my canon run as a mage hawke#i romance anders and well... sebastian wants me to kill anders and my hawke is like 'do i approve of blowing up the chantry? complicated.'#'am i breaking up with anders for this? absolutely. do i still love him? mmhmmm. am i going to kill him sebby? i'd sooner set varric aflame#then sebastian threatens to bring an army to kirkwall and leaves so i can't say i have the greatest opinion on him#even the time where i did kill anders and he stayed in my party he was just... there#and then he glitched out and started t posing while asking if ed ever found out what anders wanted to do in the chantry so..... yeah#but even this playthrough where i'm playing as a lady warrior with a different personality and everything... i'd just rather use anyone els#also keep him away from bethany i do not approve sksksks she's too good for him#i want to understand and see the different angles of him like with the other companions but i've yet to convince myself to do it#also sebastian romancers out there can you like... explain? genuinely can you explain the appeal? i'm curious#because of all the love interests in da2 i look at sebastian and you'd think i'd maybe be more interested? but it's like...#i know about the chaste marriage and everything like that's fine i don't need sex to be a thing in the relationship but it feels less like#an asexual romance and more like... y'know... being with a priest and i guess that's just not one of my kinks? sksksks#i guess there's also the prince angle but i romanced alistair in dao and kept him a grey warden i don't really care about royalty power#and i don't have issues with him being a part of the chantry [well i do but yknow what i mean] since i romanced cullen in dai#and his whole deal with the chantry and magic and shit makes his romance interesting to me but sebastian is just.... a bit too much i think#i don't know i'd like to understand because i really don't but i also keep forgetting about him
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I wonder how much Liko told the others after the events of HZ065..
We know she told them about the Rakurium and Spinel using it during the episode itself, but I wonder if she told them about being stuck in a cave with Amethio later on or if she just mentioned it in passing.
#maybe she mentioned it but didn't elaborate too much#or maybe she didn't bring it up because she didn't want to make the others worry about what happened#since we know liko doesn't like inconveniencing others#though if she did bring it up.. i wonder if she told them the whole story#i like to think that she'd keep some things close to her heart#it was between her and amethio etc.. maybe she'd need some time to let their whole conversation simmer#the fact that amethio carried her on his armorga to get out of the cave is going to remain her little secret (doki) (kyun)#i wonder how the whole thing happened.. were they on armorga together.. did she have to hold on to him somehow to keep her balance..#was she initially hesitant but he naturally offered to hold on to him..#many questions.#either way. today marks two months since ep 65 aired. lifechanging ep#i wonder if they still think of each other a bit sometimes.. maybe wondering when they'll come across each other again#they know they have the same destination. so they're bound to meet again#but what form will their next meeting take.. enemies? friends? or something else#hz065#character notes#episode notes#liko and amethio
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The Fernweh Saga by @lacunafiction - Agnes edition
Who would have thought? 🤭
Agnes "Nes" Sigrún 🌑RO: James Corvin
Personality: sincerity // cautious // friendly // merciful Traits: heart // compliance // believer Past affinity: writing [horror stories] Primary ability: empathetic impressions Past susceptibility: receptive
☀️Fernweh: She never really thought about leaving Fernweh… It was her place, near her family and friend(s). She felt good there and assumed she’s gonna spend her whole life happily in this little town. Even if Fernweh brings back devastating memories, she’s curious about what’s happening in Fernweh now, in her true home. It’s always been her dream to work in Turn The Page, and during her ‘short’ stay in Fernweh, she started thinking about it again. Why not stay for longer…? She would love to carry on her grandfather’s work and bring his legacy justice.
☀️Grandpa Jóhann: When she was young, she had an amazing relationship with her grandpa. They were completely honest with each other, and she loved him wholeheartedly. Some people thought that making her grandpa proud was her main hobby. She used to tell him all about her dreams that she had, which were always wild... and also about the nightmares… It took her by surprise when her grandpa, one of the most important people in her life, started being less involved. She was hurt and began to wonder if she had done something to cause the distance between them. His decision to move her out of Fernweh so quickly after this tragic event made a huge impact on her mental state. She needed time to cope and be with her closest ones, especially her grandpa...but after all she didn't blame him. She often heard that she looked exactly like her mother…like her grandpa's daughter... She assumed he could not look at her, without thinking about her... And she could not blame him for wanting to escape that pain. Agnes knew it was the best thing that her grandpa could do for him, and she accepted it, too eagerly. She always too eagerly took the blame for everything.
☀️Beckett Warrick: After what happened in Fernweh after James she had even more trouble interacting with other people and making new friends… However, Beckett was an exception. He was the first person who got to truly know her after the events in Fernweh. When she got the letter about her Grandpa, she considered hiding the truth from him, because she knew deep down that he would be there for her if she needed him… even if he would not particularly enjoy it. It's a good thing she’s such a bad liar… Her main concern is about Beckett’s well-being. She noticed that this 'little' trip made a huge impact on him. He wasn’t supposed to be here, and it’s because of her that he–... She needs to make sure that nothing happens to her friend. And she will somehow manage to bring him back to his home.
☀️Reese Verner: They had an unconventional relationship. Reese saw her as a rival, while Agnes thought of him as a friend. She was confused about why Verner, someone of great importance, would even look at her see her as a rival. She knew there were better candidates for his games. She had only one question on her mind - “why?”. Despite Verner's playful teasing, Agnes always remained polite and friendly towards him, even when he attempted to push her boundaries. Girl knew how to keep her true feelings behind a warm smile she still does. If I can be completely honest… Agnes was rather shocked that Reese still remembered her… and was actually looking for her, which sounded so unbelievably. His concern for Milton's well-being made her see him in a slightly different light. Of course, she already knew Reese had a good heart, but his behaviour really touched her. Additionally, Agnes noticed that Reese and James’ relationship became stronger and deeper… It’s for the best. James deserves someone as dependable as Reese. He will always be there for James.
☀️Sofia Dorran: Their bond was formed over a shared admiration for books and... the color blue. It may sound funny now, but these things became central to their lives and deepened their friendship. Sofia was the first person Agnes entrusted with her writing, and valued her honest feedback, knowing that Sofia would not make her feel bad if something needed improvement. They frequently borrowed books from each other's collections. Agnes yearned for the days when she and Sofia had reading sessions together, sipping on their favorite beverage. The only issue back then was when the book ended poorly or their library didn't have any new positions for them to read. She's willing to know how Sofia's taste toward books shifted (if shifted) and how she changed as a person. She's also extremely grateful because her grandfather received constant care from Sofia and her mother.
🌑James Corvin: …Do I really need to tell you that James was her first crush? And that she never found the courage to tell him so? maybe now will be the time? Agnes and James were always together, wherever one went the other followed. They were inseparable. Agnes even used to bake oatmeal cookies for James with her mother's help. They dreamed of their idyllic life together. As friends, obviously. Seeing him again after all those years was much harder than she anticipated. Agnes felt overwhelmed with stress from the moment she stepped out of her car. Every time she heard his surname, she unknowingly flinched. Her mind was full of questions about his well-being, life, and changes. She couldn't help but wonder if he would be happy to see her. …she did manage to hold his hand for a moment, I can consider it as a success
☀️Alex Corvin: Agnes has always looked up to Alex for their adventurous spirit and their willingness to embrace life to the fullest. She has always wanted to adopt a bit of Alex' wild side. Whenever they are around, boredom and dullness seem to disappear. They both share similar values and support each other's life goals. If I would say which person Agnes was the most willing to meet during her stay in Fernweh that would be Alex. She was confident in their friendliness towards everybody and was sure that their kindness had not wavered. Agnes was touched when she heard that Alex was looking after her grandfather's bookstore… It appears that Beckett has a new admirer, which Agnes wholeheartedly approves of.
☀️Mal: Agnes has a sense that Mal might be suspicious, but she is quite naive and doesn't believe that he could mean trouble. Although she is wary of him and finds him a little untrustworthy, Agnes believes in being kind to everyone, and she is willing to give Mal a chance, not judging him by her own impressions of him.
☀️Goldie: Agnes is grateful that her grandfather had a furry companion like Goldie, who probably managed to brighten his spirits. She fondly recalls how her grandfather would tell her stories when he once had a dog, when he was younger and how his eyes would light up with joy as he shared his story. Agnes is committed to taking excellent care of Goldie and ensuring her safety.
#don't get me started how she is BLAMING herself for the situation Beckett is rn. she needs to go back for her theraphy sesions right away#that's why she went with him into the woods looking for Milton and not James even so she wanted to spent every single second with him :sob:#she's conflicted. being with James is something that she dreamed of but in her opinion he deserves someone better //obviously//#...that's why she's cheering for James and Reese lol. Look she just wants James and Reese to be happy and she can see how those two care of#-each other. She's happy : )#she's an idiot 🙂#is there a potential happy ending for the three of them..? maybeeee. we'll see what the story will bring 👀#im totally confident that Sofia and Agnes had their own shared little library#Agnes wrote a poem for James when she was young but it wasn't really her forte. that's why she showed it to Sofia because she knew she will#-help her. //Agnes didn't want to tell for who it was but Sofia figured it out anyway. they both knew that the other knew but weren't-#-talking about it out loud. XD it was hilarious -- for me and I assume Sofia but Agnes was terrified. XDD//#....cough James never saw this poem anyway cough...#I have this headcanon that Agnes made up amazing horror stories that James was willing to hear (for a bunch of oatmeal cookies) when-#-they had a sleepover //those stories were from her nightmares but she never said that to James knowing he would only worry about her//#btw her parents called her 'little star' and James must have heard it and (maybe?) asked Sofia to make a necklace... Sun and Moon.#did you know that Agnes had her piece of the Sun as her necklace for the WHOLE TIME. but she hid it away under shirt... x"D she was looking#-if James had his Moon somewhere... but she did not see it. anyway she wears it always.#omg i finally made it. there's also one in my drafts nearly finished and three more to go. XD#sooo curious about book two <3#fernweh saga#my art?#Spotify#oc: agnes sigrun
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Nope, I'm still crying
#i wish literally anybody from school remembered me#literally only 2 people i was friends with hace talked to me in the past four years#i had the realization tonight that i was never given the choice to nurture most of my friendships#everytime i tried outside of school hours including trying to join clubs my mom would make me leave halfway through then lecture me#that she didn't have time to drive to town and get me#but as soon as my brother wanted to join junior air force she suddenly had all the time and energy in the world to devote to that#so what I'm getting here is that my friendships and interests weren't important enough or worth her time#i wasn't interested in Junior air force 1 cause it wasn't offered to me and 2 I'm not a boit licker#no#i was interested in the video game and board game clubs cause my friends were in them and they WANTED me to join#but after not getting to stay for more than one full session after a month i left the board game club cause it wasn't fair to the others#and i only went to the video game clu once and i don't remember much of it cause i was too anxious that she was gonna flip on me#i kept waiting for her text but instead she showed up at the classroom and made me leave#so when the same teacher that ran the board game club asked if i wanted to join the chess club cause he knew i liked chess#i told him i couldn't cause i was too busy because i didn't want to deal with begging my mom to let me join#she would have said yes but would have continued not letting me stay and being super passive aggressive#I'm not even in the year book for the year my friends graduated#the one thing she did let me do was drama and i hated every second of it. it was genuinely a bad experience for me#yeah i had friends in drama but it's not the same as hanging with my nerdy guy friends playing a star wars ttrpg#the worst part is she gets so defensive when i bring it up and won't give me a reason outside of 'I guess I'm just the worst parent'#it's in those moments i really remember she's the youngest in her family#OH!! it gets worse! she told me when i was younger that she had to be an honorary cheer leader cause HER MOM absolutely refused to#let her join cheer and she's alsways been bitter about it but then she turns around and did basically the same thing to me ffs#at least she was allowed to hang out with people after-school i wasn't allowed to do that either#no. instead i spent the hours after shcool alone most days and my weekends home alone in my room. and she wonders why my social skills are#maybe if I'd been allowed to work on my relationships outside of a classroom i wouldn't have felt so abandoned when everyone i knew#graduated without me. maybe if i didn't have to start back at square one socially again and had people to text and hang with after class#i wouldn't have dropped out. and i think only atlas knows i dropped out. idk how to text these people without spunding like I'm looking for#sympathy when they ask what I'm up to. like yeah I'm stuck at home with an anxiety disorder and unemployed trying to get on disability#prisma vents
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#edel vents#disclaimer: really personal issues in the tags. also wishes of death upon others. this is PROBABLY too much information tbh...#so if you're not up for it scroll down fast!!!! the deluge is coming!!!#today was... eventful. bad. also very bad. grandma's birthday celebration was today#and while she... definitely has Old People Issues (racist) shes also very lonely since the death of my grandfather so i can't really not go#i'm the only one who really visits her regularly to begin with#aside from the... very serious racism issue... she's “alright”. i guess. but that's besides the point. there's family there#and among those... my parents. which i don't like to talk to#discovered they threw more of my old stuff away. typical. wanted to strangle them. as usual.#had to “talk” with my mother (read: spend approximately ten seconds reciting exactly why i *don't* talk to her anymore)#so that whole ordeal completely soured my mood.#went home tired. can't really do anything right now.#at least the food was good i guess. but i also really want to cry... which i can't. which sucks.#...i really like to think i've improved as a person. i used to be really hateful of everything and everyone#worst of all myself. still kinda do but i'm... getting better..?#i like to think i've grown past most of it but every time i see my parents i feel this gripping at my heart. as if i haven't really changed#as if instead i'm still the hateful person i “always was” deep down... bc there's this visceral joy that i feel whenever i'm mad at them.#when i looked at my mother and told her how much i despise her i felt a shiver of happiness. righteousness.#to be clear: i do NOT care for her. at all. she's the worst person on this earth#and the only person whom my philosophy of “nobody deserves to die” does NOT apply to. i'm not scared of hating her.#she genuinely deserves this. but...every time i see my parents - and thus her... i feel as if i'm slipping back into that mindset of hatred#i don't want that. not anymore. it consumed me whole. i was a horrible person back then and i've caused so much grief for so many#i can't let go of this hatred. i can't forgive them. they don't deserve my forgiveness anyway. but i'm tired of hating.#i'm tired of letting that hatred define me. i'm tired of letting that hatred direct me. i'm tired of letting it bring me to ruin.#i'm tired of being who i was. i'm no longer “that”. i'm edel now and i'm happy for people now. if i don't like something i just walk out.#i can just leave. “if it sucks hit the bricks” right?.. but i didn't. i had to say it. i had to tell them. her. and i liked it.#and... i'm scared of that. because it tells me i haven't improved.#i'm not sure what i'm expecting out of posting this i guess. maybe help. maybe i wanna be told that this is normal or something.#maybe i just want to get my thoughts in order. i don't know. i'm gonna stop writing now.#sorry for making you read all this. thanks for doing it anyway. tags were cut off on this one btw so it may look like a mess. but. yeah.
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Not going to lie it's a little weird to see people who are huge fans of the Targaryens try and down play the bad stuff they did.
Like when they say they didn't colonize Westeros they just conquered it. As if that's any better.
By definition, no the Targaryens didn't colonize Westeros, but that's less because they were so much better than the First Men or Andals and more because they simply couldn't. The Valyrians did colonize the places they conquered in Essos, but by the time Aegon crowned himself King of Westeros all but his family remained of the pure blooded Valyrians.
They couldn't colonize in the traditional sense of the word because there were only a handful of them left--not a large scale population that could come and take over all the lands and Houses of Westeros.
But that doesn't mean conquest is better. It's still subjugating and controlling people with military force.
It's also weird when they argue that Westeros did better under the Targaryens so actually the conquest was good. Did Westeros have some really despicable policies or constant fighting, sure, but a country--or a batch of countries, having bad morals or infighting doesn't give someone else the right to take them over and instill themselves as King. That is the kind of excuse the US uses all the time and every thinks that's pretty shit.
But the prophecy? What about that?
Well, it's honestly kind of stupid, or in the very least makes Aegon and any of his family that heard it look stupid. If he legitimately had a dream of the world ending unless one of his family had their ass on a united Westeros throne it was brain-dead not to flaunt that like no tomorrow. In world where there's magic and dragons, where the Targaryens already saved themselves from the Doom of Valyria a hundred years prior there would be no reason for Westeros to believe it.
I'm sure some of the Lords would have still resisted regardless, but it still would have made it much easier for the Targaryens over all to rule if the entire country was under the impression they needed to be in charge to save the world. Heck, it also might have put a damper on some of the later infighting like the Dance if everyone had known. Could it have caused some problems, sure, but concealing from everyone but the heir is dimwitted simply because they could easily be killed off before passing it on.
But even if Aegon thought he needed to be King of Westeros to save the world that doesn't mean his conquest was good. If that was the case the Andals taking over Westeros from the First Men was justified to because they believed it was their promised land. Or were desperate to escape slavery under the Valyrians. But of course neither of those is a good excuse to subjugate an entire continent.
Another talking point is to point out that the real colonizers are the First Men and Andals not the Targaryens. As I said before that doesn't quite hold up because it's very likely given how they took over Essos that had more than a handful of Valyrians survived the doom they would have colonized Westeros or at least continued to colonize Essos.
On top of that the First Men colonized Westeros somewhere between 8,000 to 12,000 years ago, and eventually made peace with the Children of the Forest, worshiping their Gods, learning from them and all of them coming together to build the Wall. The Andals came to Westeros, at the earliest 2,000 years ago and colonized both the First Men and the Children of the Forest.
Meanwhile, by the time of Aegon's conquest of Westeros the Valyrians had only been gone a hundred years. Aegon was far more closely related to colonizers then the ancestors of the First Men and Andals that lived in Westeros when he conquered it. So to act as if it's only the Westerosi that have the blood of colonizers in their veins just isn't true. The Targaryens do to and it's much more recent.
And this isn't me saying the Targaryens are evil. The First Men and the Andals have some really awful stuff in their history, and even during the main books do some horrendous stuff. No one in this book series or the TV shows it's based on are entirely clean of fault or even unforgivable stuff like genocide, slavery or colonization.
My point isn't that the Targs are so much worse then the rest of the Houses in Westeros. Just like every other House they have good and bad members. And even the good ones have done terrible things while the worst of the worst sometimes do very very heroic things.
I don't like the argument that simply by being a Targaryen a character is bad or doomed or should fail. But that doesn't mean pretending the House is actually perfect and if they did something bad, like conquering a country and subjugating it's people under a Ruler they didn't want it's fine, plus those people actually deserved it because 2,000 years ago they did evil stuff themselves.
#hotd#GoT#I don't like people hating on the Targs for stuff they didn't do#or being harsher on their past stuff#but giving other Houses a pass#but I also don't like the whitewashing of them either#especially the way some people do it#like bringing up the Andals or the First Men in contrast to the Targaryens#like no the Targaryens don't necessarily fall under colonizer lab when it comes to Westeros#but if we're going back as far as the First Men or even the Andals to call them colonizers#then so are the Targaryens#it also makes them slavers since I'm sure someone in their family owned slaves given Valyria's entire culture and structure ran on them#i mean it's not as if they left Valyria because they didn't approve of their ways#they just didn't want to die#maybe saying that these set of people were colonizers 8000-2000 years ago isn't a great argument when the people your defending were#colonizers 100 years ago#also it always bothers me when someone tries to defend a bad act by saying the people deserved it or it was actually good for them#like I don't count Dany in Essos because she legitimately wants to free slaves plus she has lived there in various places most of her life#like it seems the vast majority of people (being slaves) want her as Queen#so it's not even conquering#at least for most the population#but Aegon didn't take over Westeros because he wanted to stop the Night of First Right#or because the suffering of the common folk spoke to him#and i haven't seen anything saying most people were enthusiastic to have the dragon lords taking over as the slavers were to have Dany
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