#or maybe it's the fact that it barely happens so i don't have many opportunities to talk to people in english

[pardonmydelays]

the funniest thing that always happens to me is that every time we have a customer who doesn't speak polish and they ask me if i speak english i'm like "no, i don't think i do" only to realize a few minutes later that i do, in fact, speak english

[brighteststar707]

Summer always feels like Saeyoung to me, probably because I replayed his route almost every year I went on summer holiday.

(coincidence much that these holidays often involved long car rides that lined up nicely with that part of his route? I don't think so)

So, despite my own discomfort in summer, the warm air and sunny days make me think of him. I may not be replaying his route this summer (yet), but he's been in my mind more strongly than ever.

In the spirit of that, and to bring back an old post of mine, here are some more Saeyoung summer headcanons.

Falling in love with Saeyoung (in the summer):

His route takes place in a particularly hot and humid August

Not that you'd know it, having been stuck inside for all that time

Especially towards the end, the apartment starts to feel like its own isolated world

With your feelings developing and Seven's life unravelling, you have barely any time to pay attention to what's happening outside

So imagine when it comes time to leave and you step out into a cheerful sunny day

It feels almost like the world is welcoming you back after nearly ten days of isolation

There is something magic in the air, a sweetness you can almost taste

Your mutual pining has become nearly unbearable, and perhaps it's just the endless blue skies as you drive down open roads but it feels like maybe the two of you will finally get somewhere

Time stretches out in front of you, not in the way it did back in the apartment (a neverending dark corridor) but more like a promise: there will be time to breathe before the future hits you

And the tension! If the apartment was small then the car is absolutely cramped

There are so many opportunities for (not-so) accidental touches to happen - and you bet that they do

Your arm brushing his as you reach around for something in the backseat, his hand accidentally overshooting when reaching for the handbrake and touching your thigh...

It's nearly enough to do you in

Flirting and teasing him in the apartment was one thing, but out here it feels different (in the open, nowhere to hide, sunlight on his face making his eyes sparkle)

For a while you speed down the roads with the windows down and you feel carefree in a way you haven't in a long time

The adrenaline of being on the run and the excitement of being with him on this journey combine into this rush that's heady and dizzying

It seems like even his spirits have been lifted, whether it's because he's out of the apartment or because you're both on the move, you have no way of knowing

You are aware of the fact that something big is coming, you have been warned of the danger of the task you are undertaking

But there has been so much: the bomb, the break in, the secrets that have come out

That you cannot begin to conceive of worse things, cannot bear to linger in anxiety any longer

Seven is here right next to you, more real than anything else - so you choose to focus on that

A few hours in, he pulls into a side road to record his message to the agency (wincing just before pressing the button, trying not to look at you as he speaks, as if he's ashamed of you seeing it)

For your benefit, he has stopped by the sea, and you watch the waves roaring in and washing out as he talks, picking up the way his inflection has changed (the very real threat that sits right under the brightness of his voice), sun hot on your cheeks in the absence of the car AC

The roof is down and there's a slight breeze drifting through the car (if you try, you can just about pick up the scent of the sea: brine and salt and the endless open)

Yet, you find yourself craving having him close again

The second the recording ends, he turns back to you (and the malice is gone, he's all sunlight and perhaps some trepidation)

You reach your hand out to him almost by instinct and he holds it tightly

There is a moment, just a second that passes between you that is silent and all you can hear are the distant waves and the beating of your own heart and you know something bigger is coming

When he tells you his name, it is like it has been there on the tip of your tongue the whole time

The first time you say it back to him, it comes out as tender as a term of endearment (Saeyoung like Love)

And he must hear it to, because before it can sink in truly, he is leaning down closer to you and kissing you, hard

It's not like the first time (soft kisses between nervous laughter and hesitant hands)

It's hot and hungry and sure and you don't know if the roaring in your ears is the sea or just your own exhiliration

By the time he is back in the car next to you, his cheeks are a burning red and he is hurriedly putting the car hood back up - he is muttering that the heat is getting to him

And then you drive on, changed

The little cabin he finds you is incredibly hot and stuffy

Even though the sun is going down, you have to prop open all the windows in an attempt to get some air in

He eventually gets an old dusty fan working and as night approaches it cools off marginally

However it does nothing to cool you off later in the night

Sticky and breathless and the heat between your bodies inevitable, the hours that night linger, thick like honey

You wouldn't have it any other way

You still don't know what gift it was that allowed that day to stretch on for as long as it did, but you are grateful for it regardless

Later on, knowing everything that happens, you will think back on that time differently, the whole thing coloured with a tinge of horror that you could never have anticipated

But some part of summer will always taste like adrenaline and the dizzying thrill of falling in love

And that is worth so much more

[formulatrash]

(genuine question) what do you think of fe's women test? is it a good opportunity for them?

I don't know, would be the honest answer. in the past the tests have been good opportunities - well, I say "tests," it in fact was just the one in Riyadh.

but being forced to find a woman if you wanted to run a second car, in the first in-season Gen2 test, meant teams actually had an incentive to do it. I honestly don't think any FE teams are ill-intentioned or that they had planned not to have female drivers but well, even from being heavily encouraged at the start, none of them did by Season 3.

so the fact they got forced to go and find a woman and give her sim time to prep and work with her and sign her onto their books suddenly made them think: oh. maybe this is easier than we thought. several of the women at that original Diriyah test came back and a few got formalised roles with teams. Tatiana Caldéron, in particular, was really quite in-demand between teams for a bit. but then a global pandemic happened and teams could barely make contact with their regular drivers and everything turned so survivalist this sort of stuff all disappeared, too hard to work out the tangles of for most contracts.

so I think it's good that those are being re-upped, that teams are being forced to make contact with women and to work with them. every session with the Gen3 EVO counts so, so much so they will have needed to brief the hell out of the drivers to make sure they can get stuff out of it - this isn't a show run, the teams need this data.

given the power of the machinery it does worry me a lot that so many of the drivers are stepping in from F4 (F1A & other equivalent series) but tbf, there have been men who've done that in past tests. it also feels a bit that there's a distancing in that - obviously you would not expect to see a lot of these testers progress to an FE seat any time soon because they are too junior.

(not everyone, obviously. Simona de Silvestro literally used to be a full-time Formula E driver)

I'd like to think there will be follow-up opportunities. Extreme E, FE's weird sister, has shown that not only does equal seat time level the board but that elite women can outmatch elite men when given the same opportunity: in a stacked field of champions, Laia Sanz came out on top as the best driver in the Odyssey-21.

one test session, during which the drivers are mostly under pressure not to bin the car, won't level the field. but if even a handful of the drivers prove they can give useful feedback and run productive test sessions, then that puts them in consideration for more running and that is, unfortunately, more than they would have got otherwise.

so: do I think it is world changing? no. but I think there are opportunities, if teams use this as a chance to assess the drivers for them.

[yesimwriting]

Hi! I understand if this isn’t something you’re interested in but I was wondering if you could write the boys being possessive/protective over the reader. I was just rereading final girl chapter 5 and I’d just love to see her rip them a new one in her own way about boundaries and stuff and seeing them manipulate/grovel there way in to her good graces again or like how she would’ve reacted to the boys scaring away the boy who took her to the party if Billy wasn’t in one of his moods I don’t know if I asked this right I’ve sent asks so many time to you now and I’m all ways worried I don’t convey/explain what I mean properly and it’s just confusing for you but anyway have a good day/night and whether you can or can’t,thank you anyway :)

*set in the same world as the final girl fic series but can be read as a stand alone with little to no context lol

A/n hi!! there's still some manipulative vibes in this bc i just feel like one of them is bound to trauma dump as a way 'in' when y/n's mad at them but i still feel like it's mainly nice! especially bc there's some emotional growth

----

You're still on the phone, moving in and out of their line of sight. The intention was never to watch you from the sprawling tree they use to get to your window, but there was something about your focus on the whatever conversation you're still having that left Billy telling Stu to wait.

Billy's not sure what he's waiting for. Maybe it's a form of masochism, to see how long you'll talk to whoever's on the other end.

"She's still on the phone." Stu's voice has taken on that hollow, detached quality that's never an indicator of self control. Billy says nothing, not in the mood to defend you or deflect the stinging. "He wouldn't call her..."

There's a second part of Stu's sentence that's just implied. He wouldn't call her after what happened in the locker room. "She found out. She might have called him."

The words leave a bitter taste in his mouth. The fact that Jack McCarthy didn't permanently fade back into obscurity after he and Stu made it clear that while you might buy the whole study-buddy act, they can see straight through him is pounding inside his head. Again and again, the start of a headache.

"If you don't want to..." Stu presses his palm into bark, so hard he wouldn't be surprised if he pulled his hand away bloody. "If you're not in the mood to talk to cutie in there, there's always another way to see if she's talking to him."

Even though it's a barely an idea, a soft suggestion, the knot in Stu's chest loosens with the words. Just checking in on Jack could easily turn into calling Jack...which would lead to the most mind clearing thing Stu can imagine. Thoughts of tearing him apart, piece by piece until it's impossible to tell that the mess of red and guts was ever the teenager with the letterman jacket that threw his arm around you during your study period rush to the front of Stu's mind. It's so soothing that he almost moves to the lower branch that lets him reach the ground.

Stu thinks about bringing it up again, a little less subtle and more desperate but he wants it too bad to care. Needs it. You pace back into view as his lips part. You're now holding the phone against your other ear, meaning that the receiver is no longer blocking your face. He pauses, taking the opportunity to watch you more openly than he normally lets himself.

Your lips are slightly parted in a just barely-there pout and your eyes are locked on something in front of you. There's something about the slight, halfhearted irritation in your expression. It takes Stu a second to place why he can't stop staring and then it clicks--it's twistingly cute...and you're...pretty.

Not that Stu doesn't regularly see you as attractive or hot, but pretty's different. At least, different in the way it's sticking out to him now, like a splinter that breaks off beneath the skin before you can pull it out. You're pretty in a way that Stu never thinks about. Pretty in a soft way that reminds him of domestic shit and makes his chest feel tight.

"We uh--" It's not the first time they've popped by with a backpack with a few things to do, but this time it's different. They took their time thinking about what you'd like, what'd work as a sort of peace offering. Now, watching you chat away without a care in the world over your fight, it all feels pathetic.

Everything becomes a soft buzz of background noise as you press you sigh. Billy wishes he knew how to better read lips because you sigh, say something, and then dramatically fall back on your bed.

You shift onto your stomach, propping your head up with an elbow. The oversized T-shirt that you're in slides down your shoulder and your hair's a little fluffier than before due to your movements. There's a softness to your appearance that leaves an odd feeling flaring in Billy's stomach, a sensation that could be considered butterflies if it felt less like being stabbed.

The in-between of too close while still being so far is oddly overwhelming drawn out like this. Billy swallows as you laugh at something from the other line. "We're already here."

It's a different level of sad to get here and then turn around, so Billy shift forward and finally reaches for the window. The move has grown so familiar Billy even knows at what point he needs to push a little harder because of the way the sides stick to the frame. He moves his hand an it doesn't budge. To add salt to the wound, you've locked the window. You never lock the fucking window.

A dangerous wave of flighty rejection coils in his stomach. The part of him that knows how to think in the long term knows that he should leave while he still can. The last thing anyone needs is for Billy to start associating this with you.

The window creeks and your head snaps towards them. Your eyebrows draw together and you sit up fully, even more of your shoulder and collarbone exposing themselves with the motion. You mumble something into the phone, a beat passes, and then you stand. you approach the window begrudgingly, placing a hand on your hip before cradling the phone between your neck and cheek.

Your lips are pressed together in a way that seems to lull the violent mindset of them both. It's the kind of look you get when you're trying not to smile. After a second, you lean down, undo the lock, and open the window.

"You won't belie--" You sigh, moving to hold the phone again, "Stop enjoying this." Whoever's on the other line must really be annoying you, because you shift back enough to let Billy and Stu in through the window. "Seriously, I'll hang up."

Billy and Stu exchange a look. They're here, trying to get you past something only you think is an issue, and you're still on the fucking phone. Who could be that important?

"No! You are so not talking to them."

There's a brief silence as you wander back towards your bed. The growing discomfort in Billy's chest wins his silent, internal argument. "Who wants to talk to us?"

At that, you finally pause, breeziness briefly leaving your eyes as you look at him. That look pinches at Billy's flightiness and soothes a part of him that he doesn't quite get. You're so good at that, at detecting whatever you want in him. The inability to twist and fully control your perception of him is overwhelming sometimes. Too similar to the way that his mom could--

"Hallie." Your normal expression has come back, like it always does. The awareness that Billy doubts you understand outside of a subconscious level never lingers on your face. But your voice delivers the answer so gently it feels like an olive branch. "You've subjected her to a super long rant about your betrayal."

Despite all the aggression you forced into your words, that relaxes something in them both. Hallie--the completely harmless childhood best friend that's still in Texas. States away, way too far to come between the three of you, even if she wanted to.

"Hallie," Stu repeats, and Billy can feel Stu's shift to something much more genuine. "The super hot girl from your vacation pho--"

"Do not start." You hold up a finger in warning and there's something in the reaction. You'd deny it if anyone ever brought it up, but Stu's noticed the way you get when he goes out of the way to hit on anyone. Even Tatum. You're subtle about, but you get a little quieter as you pick at your nails or try to focus on something else. This time, though, there's none of that, just a bit of urging annoyance. "She has a big enough head as is."

There's a sound from the other line and you roll your eyes. "What? It's true." You're listening to whatever's on the other end intently. "Okay--fine--bye, loser." Another wave of chatter from the other line. "Uh--it's--" You glance over at the two boys still lingering in the corner. "Love you, too. Bye."

You hang up, making a point of keeping your back to them as you set the receiver back onto the machine on your nightstand.

Stu breaks, laughing once. You snap your head in his direction. "Shut up."

Stu takes a tentative step towards you, already liking how quickly you're easing. Maybe all you needed was to feel a little more in control by ranting to someone that isn't here. "Why don't you ever tell me you love me?"

You glare at Stu's exaggerated pout. "You do not get to make fun of me while I'm mad at you." You stand a little straighter. "Why are you guys even here?"

"Not making fun of you." Stu reaches your bed, flopping onto your mattress like he lives with you. He casually picks up a fluffy pillow and squeezes it to his chest. "Genuinely hurt that you don't love us."

Confusion cracks at your annoyance, "Us?"

"If you said 'I love you' to grumpy before me, I don't wanna know." He squeezes the pillow a little tighter, turning his head and squeezing his eyes shut like he can't take the agony. "Too painful, bug."

You cross your arms again, eyes awkwardly falling to the ground. It's not Stu's dramatics that get to you, but you never like it when anyone reduces Billy into something negative and angsty. "He's not grumpy."

"Oh, defensive." Stu absentmindedly weaves his fingers through the pillow's layer of fluff. "Didn't think you'd still care."

You sigh, annoyed at his passive aggressiveness as if they didn't come to your room while fully aware of how mad you are. "That's dramatic, even for you."

"Is it?" Billy mumbles the question, low and almost unsure. "We--we weren't sure if you'd talk to us again."

The comment leaves you feeling like the intruding force. Something about their somber mood makes it seem like you're what's unfitting even though they came to your room. "Just because I'm mad right now doesn't mean I'll be mad forever."

You're not sure you could be. Sure, you have other friends you really care about, but they're all linked to Billy and Stu. They're dating Sid and Tatum and Randy's usually with the group. It's not that you think the three of them would cut you off, but it wouldn't be the same. And even if everything without Billy and Stu could be perfect, you still wouldn't be happy. Not fully.

You'd miss them, miss the way that Stu can always make you laugh no matter how you're feeling and how comforting Billy's presence can be. They might really push boundaries sometimes, but they're still your best friends.

"I get that you--" Sighing, you scratch the back of your wrist. "Hallie and I were talking about it and she reminded me that you guys have good intentions, and I get that, but this is the second time I have to find out that you threatened someone behind my back."

Stu's moved onto his side, head propped up on an elbow as he watches you. Billy's still lingering near the window. Both of them are quiet and that's getting to you. "I'm not a little kid and I don't need you guys to approve of everyone I'm friends with."

"They didn't want to be friends with you." There's no argument in Stu's voice or aggression, just a factual flatness that leaves your face hot.

You shift your weight from one foot to the other. Noel wanting more than friendship's something that makes sense. He was flirty, you went out on a date, and he's known for being an insensitive player. But Jack didn't seem like that at all. Sure, he's a quarterback and hangs out with the guys that never shut up during class, but he had a reason to study with you. Your english teacher assigned him to be tutored by you because his grades were dropping to the point where his coach was threatening to bench him. Sure, he was nice to you, but that's probably because he was worried about his grade. No star player wants to be benched during recruiting season.

The implication also leaves a hard feeling in your stomach. It picks at an insecurity that rooted itself into you around that time in middle school where kids pair up and start dating. Naivety is a weak spot when it comes to teenagers and your inexperience translates into that. Part of it is your mom, the way she's been open about what it meant to become a mom at 17. The rest of it is genuine interest and practicality. You want to go to Princeton, dating is distracting and you haven't really met anyone you like enough to sacrifice studying or time with your friends.

And it doesn't bother you. Not usually. You know life is long and eventually the whole relationship thing will click and work its way to you, probably with some college guy that's majoring in something artsy, but then things like this come up and it makes you feel so stupid.

"Doesn't matter what they want." That feels like a mature enough answer, and it's not a lie. Teenage boys want sex. You're not so out of the loop that that's some kind of revelation. But what they want or think they're getting doesn't change you. "I'm not an idiot and I'm not that naive."

Even if you were, it's not their business to get involved without you asking. For all they know, maybe you want to hook up with someone. That's your choice, not theirs. "And even if I was, it's still my choice."

Billy angles his head downwards, eyes a little darker than you remember them being. "So our big crime is not wanting you to get hurt?"

Ugh. That's more or less the argument Hallie made while playing the devil's advocate. It must have taken a lot for Hallie to defend anyone that isn't you, but she knew that blowing up your friendship with Billy and Stu over a guy you barely knew would only hurt you more in the long run.

"It's--" Trying to explain your issue with the situation is getting exhausting. They're not capable of focusing on anything besides their intentions. "It's a boundaries thing. You can't threaten anyone you don't like into not talking to me behind my back."

Stu's sitting up now, the plush pillow on his lap. "We didn't think of it that way, angel. We just--we know those guys and know what they're like and what you're like, and--" He's fidgeting, fingers tangling into the synthetic hairs of the pillow. "We don't want anything happening to you."

The sentiment's there, forced out almost shyly. It's almost enough to distract you from the weird intensity there. Something happening to you. Over some guy. You get that heartbreak can be a pretty intense thing, but it can't be that bad.

"Nothing's--" You cut yourself off with a sigh. At this rate, they'll eventually be more protective than your mom. They're both weirdly quiet. "What's the big deal if I'm 'hurt' by some stupid guy? It's not like I'd lose it and stop talking to my friends or like it'd effect us or...anything."

Billy lets out a low scoff. The sound is so cold and unlike him you don't know how to react. "Really?"

You hesitate before reminding yourself that it's still just Billy. "...Yeah?" The single syllable falls flat. "I mean...why would it?"

Billy steps forward. "All it took for me to lose--" The sudden movement makes you stiffen until he sits at the foot of your bed, next to Stu. "My mom was her being hurt by some 'stupid guy'.'

Stu freezes. There are a lot of ways this could have gone, but he didn't think that Billy would drop that. Not tonight, with the way Billy tiptoes around his mom's absence and the reason behind it. It's not the kind of thing he'd throw away just to get you to make up with them a little faster...and the rawness in Billy's voice...

Jack might have to end up on their call list anyway.

You're silent as you study them with an expression that would be completely unreadable if it wasn't for the tiny crease between your eyebrows. Billy's hinted at stuff with his mom before, but the way he talked about her always framed her in a way that made it seem like she had passed. You also didn't think he'd ever say anything about what happened so bluntly...or that something that seemed so small to you could have been forcing him to think about those things.

Billy's eyes are focused on nothing in particular, one of his knees pressed against Stu's. His insides feel like they're at war with each other. That bleeding honesty took over with no warning and it's blinding him to everything else. The reminder of the abandonment gnaws at him.

The mattress dips. You don't know what the right way to react is. While this makes their behavior make a little more sense, that doesn't make your point wrong. They did overstep. But that's nowhere near as heavy as Billy's thing. And it couldn't have been easy for Stu to watch his best friend's life fall apart over something like that.

There's something you should say, you're almost sure of it, but nothing feels good enough. Pointing out the differences in the situation feels callous and any promises you could make would likely make it seem like you blame his mom. You might not know much about their relationship, but the way Billy talks about her, like her memory's this fragile thing, you know better than to risk it. An apology also doesn't feel like the right answer, you haven't done anything wrong and you don't want to risk bringing up the fight.

You stretch out a hand silently, letting your fingertips brush against the back of his palm. He briefly tenses, but doesn't move away, so you take it as an okay to rest your hand over his.

Your touch is warm and unexpected, an anchor Billy's torn between latching onto and running away from. It's overwhelming, the amount of influence you have over him. Sometimes if he thinks too much about how that uncertainty feels he has to fight to not hold it against you.

"I know it's..." Billy speaks slowly, trying to force himself to believe what he's saying, or at least, focus on it enough to act like he does. "Different, it just..."

You brush your pointer finger across his knuckles. "I know." A warmth that's hard to accept burns through his chest. Billy turns his hand over before loosely linking your fingers together. "Just boundaries, okay?"

Billy nods, a bit more color returning to his face. You straighten your spine to look past Billy's shoulder and at Stu. "That goes for you, too."

"You've got it, babe."

"That means no more threatening guys just because they talked to me." You keep your expression serious in an attempt to stare down Stu. It's probably no where near as menacing as you want it to be. "I'm serious."

He lifts an arm to his chest, drawing an uneven cross over his heart. "Scout's Honor."

You roll your eyes. "You were never a boy scout."

Stu frowns, "How would you know?"

It's not so much information as it is his vibe. Stu seems way too active and focused on what he'd find fun to have wanted to stick to boy scouting and you doubt his parents have ever been around enough to make him. But that's way too much to answer his question with. "Were you?"

"Ye--"

"He got kicked out," Billy interjects, "After terrorizing a camping trip."

You laugh before you can stop yourself. It's easy to picture Stu a little younger and a lot more impulsive. "That tracks."

"Fuck off," he mumbles before slumping down until he's flat on his back.

Billy turns his head, giving you a look that seems to ask why you two put up with him. The expression is so familiar you can't help your relief. You're still a little rightfully annoyed at them, but the desire to keep them lighter beats that irritation out by an inch. "What'd he do?"

The real answer isn't anything too traumatic, but it involved newly learned pocket knife skills, a frog, and a pathetically squirmish tent mate. But that's not the kind story of you'd be particularly into. It might even make you a little more closed off. They learned early on that while you might be able to handle most scary movies and gore like a champ, you draw a line at anything happening to an animal.

"Imagine that at age 10." Billy vaguely gestures in Stu's direction, Stu lifts an arm to shove Billy. "What didn't he do?" You smile, a little more amused than you want to be. "And you've seen his house...the way he lives..."

Another wave of laughter rises up your throat before you can help it. The implication that Stu was too spoiled to get through a camping trip is a little too fitting.

Stu groans, reaching back for the fluffy pillow. He smacks Billy's arm with it, a passive display of aggression. "It was not like that." Stu turns his neck, "Don't listen to him."

You laugh again, briefly forgetting that you're still supposed to be annoyed with them as you lay down. "I've been to your house, your bathroom has more amenities than a hotel, so I believe him."

He twists his neck to glare at you. It's more of a pout than anything else. "You have a hundred things in your bathroom."

Stu's technically right, but it's different. He's counting in your perfectly reasonable--and reasonably(ish)--priced makeup, skin care, and hair stuff. Not all things you use everyday or necessarily need, but it's different. He has fancy hand soap that leaves skin extra soft and lotion for guests that's nicer than anything you own for yourself. "You're deflecting."

He scoffs, "Can't hear you over the beauty store in your bathroom."

It's said so seriously it circles back to kind of ridiculous. Especially because of how pointless it is. You wrinkle your nose, fighting down a grin. "That doesn't make sense."

Stu's lips part like he's going to instinctually jump to defend himself. Your smile stops him. "It doesn't."

After a beat, the two of you exchange a look and laugh. Billy sighs, shoving Stu's leg and your arm. "You two aren't funny."

"Maybe you're just boring."

Billy looks over at you, glaring. "Really?"

You nod, a little too smug. "Really."

"Don't listen to him." Stu halfheartedly pushes Billy. In retaliation, Billy extends an arm without looking, grabbing Stu's forearm in a way that, to you, looks surprisingly gentle. "He's jealous."

You smile as Stu sits up. "I can so see that."

Billy's eyebrows draw together. "Jealous of what?"

"Our not-boringness." You push yourself so that you're sitting again.

"Yeah, you two are super cool and not weird."

Scoffing, you pull your legs onto the bed and cross them beneath you. "I'm not weird."

Billy tilts his head in the direction of your desk. "How many sticky notes are in--"

"You promised not to use that against me." You cut him off, not overly thrilled at the mention of sticky notes. Early on in your friendship, he found you going through your locker while you were sorting through sticky note and highlighter combos for homework.

His eyebrows pull together, his nose wrinkling a little in a way that's painfully endearing and surprisingly casual. "I promised not to tell anyone." He angles himself towards you, tilting his head downwards. The movements were subtle, but something about the shift makes him feel a lot closer than before. "That's different."

Your breath tangles itself in your throat at his lower tone. You need to say something, because if you don't you'd just be staring and that's--You force out the first thing you can think of, "Technicality."

"Still counts." There's nothing else you can think of and he still feels closer than normal. Before your thoughts can turn into total panic, Billy turns towards Stu, who's digging through his backpack. "What are you doing?"

"Almost forgot." Stu finds what he's looking for. It's small from where you're sitting. He reaches behind Billy's bag to extend whatever he's holding towards you. "Here."

A bag of gummy candies. You take it skeptically, because it's been twisted shut oddly. Smoothing out the wrinkled plastic, you open the bag and look at the contents. A part of you is surprised that it actually does have gummies...only they all look the same. Confused, you shake the bag once and the candies move, confirming it is what it looks like. They're all your favorite.

"I don't like the red ones," he mumbles, not quite looking at you, "But you do, right?"

You grin, pulling a gummy bear out of the bag and biting off its head to put it out of its misery humanely. "The red ones are the best, you're weird for that."

He scoffs, "The cute ones always have bad taste."

"I think you're complimenting yourself with that one." You pop the rest of the gummy into your mouth. "Orange lover."

"The orange ones are objectively--"

"They're all the acidic parts of a real orange without the orangey-ness."

Billy looks over at you. "Orangey-ness?" He's convinced he's heard this argument more times than anyone else alive, but your points are usually a little better.

You glare, pulling another gummy out of your bag. "You're not a part of this, you like the pineapple ones."

Stu laughs, "He also likes grape flavored stuff."

You gasp like Stu just outed Billy as a criminal. "No way."

"Yeah, yeah," he mumbles, already tired, "Make fun of me."

And after a second, he realizes that he really means it. If you're not mad at them, he can handle it.

----

A/n i never know if i should use the final girl tag list for fics that are set in the final girl world (if that makes sense), bc it's an update technically but also not bc it's not the main fic??

idk i've seen other writers on here tag for more than just the main fic and i'm always happy to be tagged in stuff but idk if that's for everyone lol,, lmk if you have any thought!

[jayz4dayz]

RWBY Volume 9 Was A Total Missed Opportunity:

Putting this out there right now. Volume 9 is by far my favorite volume of RWBY for many reasons which I will not be addressing in this post, but there are a few things that have been on my mind since it's been released where I feel the storyline went wrong and could have been something so much more meaningful for the character's story arcs and development.

Starting off with our main man or should I say our old man Jaune Arc. His presence throughout Vol. 9 felt out of place not just for his character, but also the way his development was handled didn't feel right in the slightest. Becoming a crazy old crackpot because he foolishly made bad decision after bad decision, completely altering and undoing a lot of his character's timeline, and turning into this sort of secondary antagonist for Team RWBY made no sense to me. The way he said so many out of pocket things throughout the different episodes, including completely crossing a line with Ruby and being insensitive towards her mental and emotional condition instead of showing genuine concern like he normally would have, made me cringe to where I wasn't enjoying what I was watching anymore. Not in a good way!

Here's how I would have done it:

Going back to the very end of volume 8 where we see Jaune running towards the portal and barely missing it by mere inches, followed by seeing him fall into the dark abyss and joining the same fate as Team RWBY and Neo. Instead of that, we see him jumping through the portal at the very last second and making it to Vacuo by the skin of his teeth. The others see him and question why he's alone and where Team RWBY was, only for him to go "Uh..." and then the screen cuts to black and the credits start rolling.

We're gonna skip the three year hiatus and jump right into the beginning of Vol. 9 where only Team RWBY and Neo have fallen into the Ever After. For the first few episodes leading up to the reveal of the Rusted Knight, I don't think much needs to change except for the fact that they won't ever encounter Jaune, but they will still encounter the Rusted Knight who, in this version, is someone that would have had the entire fandom shook to their core when the big reveal of the Rusted Knight's identity happened: Pyrrha.

Now, how would she get to this point, you might ask? Well, remember when she got pierced by Cinder's Arrow and her body seemed to disintegrate? This scene:

This death compared to all the other characters who were killed off was unique in the fact that there was no body left behind and it almost appeared her energy was transported to another place. Hmm, perhaps another realm such as the In Between or the Ever After? Why this happened, in my opinion, was because of the use of someone else's semblance. We know very little about Pyrrha's family and have only seen her mother on screen once, so we don't know much about her backstory or semblance either. However, if her semblance worked anything like Raven's to where she needed to be attached to someone in order for her semblance to work and transfer her loved ones to a safer location to escape a deadly threat, now we have something. What if her mom's semblance transported the body to another realm of her choice right before the moment of death? (I like to call it a "divine intervention" semblance.) If that's the case, then why wouldn't it make sense for a mother's love to send her daughter somewhere familiar and (relatively) safe and still accessible to Remnant? The Ever After was based on a children's tale that everyone knew growing up and Pyrrha being as smart as she is would instantly recognize where she was transported to. Maybe she had knowledge of her mother's semblance and knew this might have happened one day, or maybe not. I find the one scene her mother is in to be very interesting because while she was talking to Jaune, she had a very bitter-sweet attitude about it and almost talked as if she knew more than she let on, but I digress.

In the story's timeline, when Team RWBY arrives in the Ever After, Pyrrha would have been there already for a couple of years. That would have given her enough time to establish herself and explore the different acres because let's be real here, Pyrrha wouldn't have stumbled upon the time travel fruit and messed around with it like Jaune did, nor would she have focused all her energy into the people of the land even though she would protect them with her life if she had to, but at the end of the day, she was just trying to figure out a way home. Once she stumbles across Team RWBY, it would all make sense why the Tree didn't let her return to Remnant yet. By this point, I'm sure she would have encountered Alyx, Lewis, and the Curious cat, probably handled the situation a lot better than Jaune did, and give Team RWBY a cautionary tale about the Curious Cat in a way that wasn't bitter or vengeful. The bee's having their special moment still would have happened, the team's fallout with the Curious Cat still would have gone down, and then we get to the scene with Neo's Jabber Walker clones and Ruby has her mental breakdown and identity crisis. I don't see Pyrrha blaming Ruby for what happened to the Paper Pleasers despite her immense sorrow for the loss of her only friends she had during her time in the Ever After. Her experiences with the Paper Pleasers would have been way different too because there's no way she'd be a gold-hearted tyrant like Jaune was painted out to be. I do see Ruby blaming herself and still running off anyway because she feels like a burden and a failure as a leader. I didn't enjoy the way Jaune was the center of focus when Ruby was very clearly in a dangerous state of mind and I'm positive Pyrrha would have picked up on it right away and address it to Ruby's team after the fact and not go off on her for not doing enough.

Team RWPY would go on the search for Ruby and still find her in Neo's torture dungeon, which would have been just as painful to watch, especially from Pyrrha's point of view. Ruby having to watch Pyrrha die in Vol.3 and now she had to witness Ruby "die" in Vol. 9 is kind of a trippy coincidence that fits so well. The only difference being Pyrrha immediately taking the initiative to find Ruby before the cat does and the final battle being way more epic. Jaune certainly gained a lot of battle experience throughout the series, but Pyrrha was always ahead of him in that respect and without a doubt would have sharpened her skills to perfection while she was on her own in the Ever After. Ruby emerges as a new version of herself, they defeat the Curious Cat, Neo ascends, and all of the girls finally get to go home together, hand in hand.

I can even go as far as to say this would have made Vol. 9 Beyond so much better too. Picture it, Team RWBY and Pyrrha leaving the portal and the first person to see them is Jaune. The potential for Arkos here is so strong it kills me inside! They'd have a raw moment between each other, there'd be lots of crying on Jaune and maybe even Pyrrha's part too, a long hug, and most definitely a romantic kiss that would have tied their relationship arc together in such a perfect way. It would have brought Pyrrha back and that's honestly all I want.

Of course, this is all just for shits and giggles, but I'd love to hear what y'all think or if you have something else to add! ^-^

[giggly-squiggily]

A Monstrous Craving: First Selection (Blue Lock)

Such an intense gif oh my-

Hey y'all! Happy April Fools Day! I don't really have any strong feelings about the day, but since today is one of hi-jinks and shenanigans, I figured why not make the most mischievous Blue Lock character of all a fic to celebrate?

This is part 1 of 2 fics I'm writing: This one takes place during the First Selection with Team Z, while the second one will take place during Second Selection (No spoilers in either, just lots of Bachira tickle-related shenanigans) I hope you like it!

CW: Swearing, gang tickles

Summary: Bachira wakes up with only one goal in mind; become the Ultimate Blue Lock Tickle Monster.

Bachira Meguru was a simple, if not whimsical boy.

He loved taking naps throughout the day. He enjoyed canned pineapple and a warm bowl of rice in the morning. He likes drawing dolphins on his things and adores Soccer with every thread in his body.

Oh, and he loved messing with his teammates.

How could he not? 11 different personalities essentially locked in the same room- it was bound to happen, this sudden craving of messing with them. Bachira hadn’t planned it- he simply woke up one morning with a single thought in mind.

“Today- I’m gonna get them all.”

~~~

Fingers worked meticulously through silky red strands. Chigiri was half out of it- despite a shower and leg care that morning, his brain wasn’t quite on yet. The good thing about his current hairstyle was he did it so many times these days it became muscle memory, so there was no need to fight for a spot in the bathroom mirror.

Bachira sat behind him, mesmerized as he worked. He loved watching hair braiding- he used to watch his mom do the same thing to her own hair before gathering her paints, his little boy brain blown as she smoothed it down into a single neat rope. Even now, he couldn’t help but be amazed by how effortless Chigiri made it look.

But right now wasn’t the time to gawk. He had a small window of opportunity.

This hairstyle required both arms up and out of the way, giving Bachria the perfect place to attack. He waited until Chigiri was tucking the last bobby pin against the base before shooting his hands out, going straight for the armpits.

“AH!” Chigiri squealed, falling backwards with a high-pitched yelp. Then he was laughing, squirming to and from against Bachira’s chest as he tried blocking out the mischievous fingers. “Gehahahahahaha! Noooo! Nohoohoho, don’t you dahhahahhare!”

“Good morning, ChiChi! How are you today? Aww, are you ticklish?” Bachria cooed, watching his cheeks go red as he covered his face in mirth, feet kicking. “What lovely hair- is it secure? Just testing out the endurance of it!”

“Bahhahahahchira, cohoohohome ohoohohohon!” Chigiri cried out, all but squeaking when those hands lowered to his ribs. “Plehhahahahhahahse!”

“Hehe, okay~” Bachira retreated, standing up and leaving a now exhausted Chigiri gasping for air against the floor. His hair- to Bachira’s satisfaction- remained the same. “Test complete- that’s a strong braid you got going on! Okay- bye bye!” He turned to leave, barely hearing Chigiri’s muffled curse as he went to find his next victim.

~~~

“Hm?” Gagamaru blinked when he felt a tap on his arm, turning to find-

Nothing. There was no one there.

“Is that you, Naruhaya?” He asked casually, figuring the tiny player was hiding in his blind spot. Another tap, this one on his elbow. He turned, and still- there was no one. “I’m not giving you food. I don’t even have any on me right now.”

Silence. Maybe he was being haunted?

Wouldn’t be the first time.

Another tap, this one on his lower back. Twisting- he found Naruhaya sitting by. “Found you!” He ran up, missing the fact the younger boy was sitting way too far to be the culprit, and grabbed his sides- squeezing gently. “What are you up to, you food thief?”

“Aheheahhahahaha! Whahahhahait, I dihihihiidn’t ehehehehven mohohohohove!” Naruhaya cried, cheeks flushing an adorable shade of pink as he squirmed and giggled in Gagamaru’s clutches. “I prohohoohoohmise!”

“Yeah right- you keep tapping me and running. I know your tricks.” Gagamaru moved a hand to his belly, making him squeal. “Confess, and I’ll let you be.”

“BUUHUHUHUT I DHIIHIHIHN’T DOOHOOHOH IT!”

“Keep on saying that-” Something brushed his shoulders, making the bigger boy shoot up. Forgetting to tickle, he turned- finding nothing once more. Okay- he was definitely haunted.

“What’s going on? Are you bullying Naruhaya, Gaga-chan?” Bachira tsked, walking up with a secret smile. Ah- there’s his ghost. “That’s not very nice of you. Naru-chan? Wanna get him back?”

“Yehehahhahah!” Naruhaya didn’t need to be told twice, already standing.

“Wait…don’t do it…” Gagamaru held up his hands, but the pair were already on him, fingers flying over his torso. He tried fighting back, but then Bachira found that same spot against his shoulder blades and it was all over. “Oh nohohohoohohooho!”

“Oh yes!” Bachira giggled, stepping back as Naruhaya took over, giggling along with him. Good luck, Gaga-chan! Now, who's next…?”

~~~

“X”

“Oh come ON!”

“What? ‘X’ is a fair guess!”

“Just how many words do you know that have an ‘X’ in them?”

“Xenomorph, X-Ray, Excalibur-”

“IT’S SIX LETTERS!”

“Guys, calm down.” Kuon sighed from his spot, shaking his head as he drew a foot on the hanging stick figure. “Unfortunately, ‘X’ is not on the list. Wanna buy a vowel?”

“Told you.” Raichi rolled his eyes at Iemon, crossing his arms across his chest as he glared at the notepad. So far, the six spaces contained a “O”, a “T” and a “R”. “Eh..sure. Give me a- “YEE!”

“‘YE’ is two letters.” Kuon raised a brow. “Which one?”

Raichi twisted around, rubbing his sides. He swore someone just poked him in the ribs. “Hang on- What the hell, Iemon? Why are you trying to sabotage?”

“Me? I didn’t do anything!” The goalie squawked in shock, eyes widening at the accusation. “Tell him, Kuon!”

“Really- he didn’t move.” Kuon nodded, tilting his head. “What’s up?”

“...Nothing- forget it. I’m guessing ‘E’” Raichi waved it off, a pinch of smugness in his chest when Kuon wrote it in. “See? I’m good at guessing!”

“If you're so good, why not go for the word then?” Iemon asked, turning to the paper. “Actually- I’ll do it. I know the answer!”

“Take a shot!” Kuon got ready. Iemon opened his mouth to speak-

And what came out was a string of giggles.

“...What?” Raichi blinked when the other settled, face on fire.

“I-something- that was…” Iemon stammered. “Nevermind. I’m guessing..’P’?”

“Close, but no.” Kuon popped the marker cap, going to draw a leg. “Not a bad gue-AHH!” His hand slipped, cutting across the paper when he felt two fingers drill into the center of his ribs. Now the little stick man had an elongated broken leg. “What the-”

“Ah! Fuhuhuhuck! No dohoohohn’t!” Raichi hooted when hands attacked his hips, squeezing from behind. Iemon blinked, catching a blur of brown-blond hair.

“Bachi-Gahahhahahaha!” Iemon spasmed when his ribs were once again attacked, this time lingering. “Whahahhahahht?”

“Huh? What-Ehehehehehehhe! Kuon arched with a giggle, notepad flying out of his hands as he tried guarding his armpits, feeling them prodded at.

It went as quickly as it came, leaving the three to stare at one another in wide eyed shock.

What the hell just happened?

~~~

Kunigami let out a slow breath as he positioned himself parallel to the mats. His muscles pulsed, sweat dripping off his bare chest as he began his one armed pushups. The gym was uncharacteristically quiet- usually one or two people would wander in at this hour to get a quick run or lift some weights. Today- Kunigami figured- everyone else was simply too tired to do it.

“KUNI!”

“SHIT-”

Nevermind then.

Bachira laughed gleefully as he watched Kunigami faceplant, groaning softly against the worn-in mats. “Wow- look at you, using one arm! Trying to show off?” He waltzed over and grabbed a nearby towel, tossing it across Kunigami’s back before taking a seat. “Why not wait until he comes in?”

Kunigami didn’t ask who “he” was, nor did he complain about the additional weight against his back. Instead, he adjusted himself so he was pushing with both hands, resuming his workout. “I don’t just do this for attention, Meguru. I do it because I love it.” Kunigami grunted some as Bachira adjusted, lying across his back and evening out the weight distribution.

“But you like it though? ChiChi watching you?” He teased, grinning when Kunigami’s neck flushed.

“...Maybe.”

“Admit it!” Bachira giggled, dropping his hands down and clawing at the softer parts of Kunigami’s belly. “You like ChiChi watching you!”

“Ah!” Kunigami yelped as he hit the mat again, catching himself on his elbows so he didn’t break Bachira’s fingers. “Stahahhap! Stop thahahhahat! Bahahhachiraahhahaha!”

“Admit it first! You like Chigiri! Say it! Say it!” Bachira cooed at him, hanging on as the other tried twisting this way and out of his grip. “Say it or I won’t stop tickling you!”

“Ahehahha! Fihiihihne! Pfft- Geahhaha! Fihiihihine, you wihiihhiihn!” Kunigami cried, tapping the mat repeatedly. “I like hiihihim, now stahhahap!”

Bachira did as promised, pulling his hands back and standing. “Knew it. Don’t wait too long to tell him now. He just might like you back.”

“Like who back?” As if the devil himself had been called. Bachira grinned at Chigiri’s confused expression, winking at Kunigami as he made his way towards the door.

~~~

“Want some?”

“No way.”

“Come on!” Igarashi groaned, bowing his head in plea as he presented his pickled radish. “One trade? I won’t ask again!”

“Dude, no way! Pickled Radish makes my breath stink. How the hell am I to pick up girls like that?” Yudai shook his head, leaning away from the dish. “Besides- it’s not like I’ve got anything better.” On his own tray were two soft boiled eggs. “I’m starting to hate eggs…”

“It’s not like we’re going to be meeting any girls while we’re here! Plus it taste’s alright!” Igarashi gave him his best big eyes. “I haven’t had soft boiled eggs on rice in so long! I’m craving them!”

“Move up in rank and you’ll have them then.” Yudai rolled his eyes, breaking a yolk over his rice. His stomach turned at the sight. “Nevermind. Here.” He traded.

“Yes! Thank you so much, Yudai! I’ll never forget you after you eventually lose!” Igarashi cheered, taking his eggy rice.

“What the hell does that even mean?” He rolled his eyes before taking the radish. Well- at least it was new.

“Hey guys!” Bachira bounced over, leaning in so he was between them. “Whatcha doing?”

“Making ourselves like this stuff.” Yudai poked at his tray, nose twitching as Igarashi devoured his rice. “Hey, do you like pickled Radish?”

“Mm..nah.” Bachira shook his head. “But you know what I do like?”

“What?” Yudai raised a brow, Igarashi putting down his bowl in equal curiosity.

No warning was given. Bachira simply put his arms around both their waists and attacked.

“AH! Ahehahahahhahaha, nohohohohoho come ohohohohn mahahhahahan!” Yudai cried out, nearly drowned out by Igagauri’s own wails of mirth.

“Gheahhahahahahahha! Nohohoohooho! Dohoohohohohn’t I’m tihiihihhicklish!”

“Are you now? Man, you two are so quiet- I nearly forgot you were here!” Bachira cooed sweetly, moving his hands to their bellies and earning even more squeals and laughs. “I need to do this more often, he he he~”

He pulled away, not before reaching out and stealing an egg. Smiling at the taste, he turned to his own tray, placing his plate of abandoned udon between them. “Thanks boys!”

Igarashi’s complaints about the egg were quickly forgotten as he and Yudai thanked him relentlessly, spitting the dish. Bachria grinned as he headed out.

Only one more person to go.

~~~ “So what do you wanna work on?” Isagi asked as they walked out to the field, stretching his arms. “Speed? Dribbling? Scoring?”

“Actually- I wanna work on something new.” Bachira walked up, an easy grin on his lips. The lack of a soccer ball should have been Isagi’s warning. “I wanna work on blocking.”

“Blocking? Alright.” Isagi shrugged, figuring they really didn’t need one then. “Like, blocking an approach or pushing past one?”

Bachira didn’t respond, only continued to smile. Isagi felt himself twitch, suddenly unsure of himself. “Erm..Bachira?”

“Hey, Isagi.”

“...Yeah?”

There was a flash, and suddenly the world was upside down. Isagi smelled the grass before he hit it, barely registering the feeling before he was dragged under again with waves of ticklishness.

“Ah! Aheahhahahahhahaha! Whahahahhait, whahahahhahait- Bahhhahachira!” Isagi cried, kicking his feet and twisting about as Bachira’s fingers flew against his ribs, focusing towards the center as he slowly began his descent towards his lower set. “Whahhahahaht the heheheheheehell?”

“I saved you for last, Isagi-chan~ I wanted to hear you laugh the most today!” Bachira cooed sweetly at him, going right for that awful spot on the lowest rib. Isagi arched with a shriek, laughter blossoming out of his lips as his squirms increased. “I wanna hear you squeal like a pig!”

“BAHAHHAHAHCHIRA, STAHHAHAHAHAHAP!” Isagi wailed, cheeks on fire and eyes wet with mirth. He pushed with his heels, trying in vain to get away. His hands circled Bachria’s wrists, gently tugging. “OHOOOHKAY STAHHAHAHP!”

Giggling, Bachira pulled back, resting his hands gently against Isagi’s belly as the other gasped for air, smiling warmly at him. “Hehe, you’re adorable, Isagi-chan.”

“Heh…hehehe…” Isagi rolled his eyes, moving his own hands up from Bachria’s wrists to his hands, holding them within his own. “Tehehhell me…dihiihd you actually wahahhant to train?”

“Nope!” Bachira popped the “P”, grinning. “But since we’re here, we can do something else~”

Isagi raised a brow, sitting up. “And that is…?”

Bachira’s lips silenced any questions he had as they pressed gently into his own. Not that he was complaining.

~~~

The day was long but rewarding, and Bachira giggled himself silly as he tugged on his sweats, fresh out of the shower. The entire time, he kept replaying the highlights in his head, his lips still tingling from Isagi’s kiss. The perfect ending to a fairly mischievous day.

And yet…he couldn’t shake the feeling something was missing. The smallest detail to make the day even greater than it was.

As he walked into the main room, watching the boys set up for bed, it hit him.

Quite literally.

“Grab him!” Raichi called, and Bachira turned on his heels, running for the door. Just a few more steps- “Nope! Chigiri was before him, his speed proving useful beyond the soccer field. A second of hesitation proved all that the other’s needed; Bachria squeaked when arms came around his waist, hiking him up and off the floor.

“Sorry, Bachira- but not really.” Gagamaru sounded deeply amused as he unceremoniously dropped him into a pile of futons. “You brought this on yourself.”

Bachira went to mock-argue, but all that came out were giggles of anticipation as the rest of the team came around him, Kunigami’s hands gathering his wrists in a gentle but firm hold as Isagi took his rightful seat across his lap. At least his back was protected. For now.

“Ready?” Isagi asked, raising his hands with wiggling fingers. On each side of him, Raichi cracked his knuckles while Chigiri giggled softly in his hands. Behind them, someone grabbed his ankle-possible Kuon, maybe Iemon? It really didn’t matter in a minute.

“Ahehehe- hohohold on! Wahhahait, wahhahit.” Bachira giggled out, willing his heart to slow. It didn’t- the pause only made his anticipation worse. “Neehhehevermind, just doohohoho it!”

“Eager, aren’t we?” Kunigami teased as they looked to Isagi to make the call. With an unfairly long pause, Isagi smirked.

“Get’em!” He shouted, and Bachira burst into howls of mirth as multiple hands attacked at once. Isagi took the lead going right for the ribs while Rachi drilled into his hips. Chigiri- oh that devil- he slipped his hands beneath him so he could claw at his back! His legs weren’t any better- someone’s hand danced along his sole while the other squeezed his knee and calf like they were playing guitar. Kunigami, much to his credit, didn’t attack- instead opting to keep Bachria’s arms up and out of the way. That, however, didn’t stop Naruhaya from slipping under his arm so he could give his neck and ears a few playful scribbles.

“GHEHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! WAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!”

Teases and jeers were thrown at him, but he could barely think beyond just how ticklish it all was. He didn’t know if he was pleading for mercy or simply laughing- everything was a bit of a blur. Had it been a minute or ten? Was he still in this universe or had he transcended into a new one?

“Okay- STOP!” Isagi called, and instantly the hands retracted. Noise returned- he could hear the others laughing around him, cooing at him sweetly or jeering about how he had it coming. In the corner of his eye, he could see Kunigami gently prod at Chigiri earning a swat and a halfhearted glare.

It was all nice, but nothing beat seeing Isagi above him, blue eyes like the sky he so rarely saw since coming to Blue Lock. A smile played on his face as he reached out, cool fingers gently brushing sweaty bangs off his face. A pair of even softer lips followed, pressing gently along his brow before he climbed off, mumbling something about getting the dribbler some water.

“Best day EVER!” Igarashi cheered, earning a chorus of both “Hell Yeah!”s and “Shut the hell up!”s. Bachira giggled breathlessly as he curled beneath the futon he laid upon, watching the rest of them find their own. He felt light and dizzy and giggly and warm. So comfortably warm, like he was lying in his favorite spot at his Mom’s art studio. Isagi reappeared, water in hand, crawling beneath the blankets and pulling the smaller boy close.

“You okay?” Isagi asked in his hair, his hand brushing his back in a soothing gesture. “We didn’t go too far, did we?”

Too tired to talk, Bachira shook his head, feeling Isagi relax against him. His mind was halfway to dreamland, the rest of Team Z fading away until he could only hear Isagi’s heartbeat. “Thanks for making my day better, Yoiichi.”

Maybe he said it out loud. Maybe he dreamed about it. Bachira would never know. All he remembered was the sound of Isagi’s heart racing faster, the arms around him tightening some with such care.

He dreamed of endless blue skies that night.

Thanks for reading!

[cherryys]

I keep turning 268 in my head over and over and reading multiple prespectives but something with it is just not settling right with me. I can't explain it, but the way certain plot points have been resolved about megumi's character is so sloppy and rushed.

right now I'm trying to make sense of the letter. I've already said before that it was supposed to resolve the plot point of megumi being told about toji but it's badly done because of the setup, but I'm also realizing now that this letter is a bad (presumed) send-off and resolution for gojo and megumi's relationship, too. why would gojo's last words to megumi be about toji only? I still don't get it. sure he always wanted to tell megumi about toji it was a thing that had always bothered him, but. these are gojo's last words to megumi, and out of all the unsaid between them, he chooses to go on about his dad instead? how about telling him about what you thought of him this entire time? your dreams and expectations of him beyond just mastering his technique? anything about how you actually felt towards megumi not as just someone who could reach his potential, but someone who you've seen grow right before your eyes and even choose to want to save people because he's a good person? anything???? please???? it was bad enough that in 236 instead of literally saying anything about megumi, he just went "I never got to tell him about his dad"????? who fucking cares about his dad now???? why don't you instead take this character moment of self reflection and tell us what you actually thought of megumi????? it's driving me fucking nuts at how many missed opportunities gege had to elaborate on their relationship at ALL.

and megumi's reaction is pissing me off, too. not only were we robbed of any moment where megumi actually reacts and processes his mentors death by his hands, he never even acknowledges it. it's like it never even happened. and what does a laugh tell me??? this could've been the perfect excuse for gege to shift the focus onto megumi's thoughts on gojo as a whole beyond just a "benefactor". could've had a monologue or ANYTHING. but a laugh????? what??? and this is the last thing about gojo and megumi's relationship or dynamic in general I'm assuming, unless seeing yuuta in gojo's body is going to trigger something within megumi (though I highly doubt it). and we still get. nothing. it's such a disservice to what was built up and shown before, however minimal it was. the implicit trust they had in each other even if they weren't emotionally connected, megumi's complete trust in gojo's abilities and how he'll be able to fulfill his requests if need be (trusting gojo by telling him he wanted to save yuuji in CH.1 even though it goes against regulations), gojo's complete trust in megumi and his decisions (saving yuuji in CH.1). the fact that these are the only examples we have of their relationship should tell you how terrible it was done and barely given screentime, and how worse it was capped off by that stupid letter. maybe I was asking for too much but we got too little in terms of their relationship and it sucks

[nothing-suspicious-in-there]

Slightly more dramatic than necessary for what we know so far, but still, maybe it will finally deliver on some more Good Koga Trauma as I hoped it would, to make this drama look more appropriate.

The way this is going has the potential to address a number of less-than-ideal things that i had an issue with in this manga, even if nothing big enough to make me stop reading a story I understand to be casual:

After the renewed attention given to Koga not studying, and then this I start to have hope that I can engage with this story on a slightly higher ground than just cute gay fluff. (Slighlty, it's still a romance manga not fucking. utena or something. but my expectations are so low nowadays that the co-occurrence of something I like also being decently written is akin to a miracle to me.)

So I'm not raising my hopes too much, but potentially these things would be real good if they happened (so Incredibly basic I feel dumb by typing them out like it's complex analysis, but again my bar is low):

Small setups

First of all a number of things that happened casually in the last few chapters seemingly without much bigger significance about them or seemingly solved could be leading up to this and make matters worse.

We have Koga having a dramatic moment of being jealous of herself. All very irrational and silly. But it's clearly been shown to be rooted in trauma (that again I hope it'll explore better to give it more weight than it currently has, it's very vague and not well defined enough to keep up these moments of drama as effectively as it should.) This clearly serious moment for her is created and resolved in the span of 3 4-pages chapters, barely anything.

Many previous plot points that have been raised simply get "resolved" extremely quickly and/or easily like this one, or her social anxiety, her feeling of not belonging, her bad grades, aya fearing koga will relocate. In an episodic story where the author is not concerned with exploring stuff or giving it time to stew or a realistic length for its resolutions. it means the story is just like that, it's a matter of what you like and want to write. And I personally don't enjoy this episodic-ness as much as the alternative.

In a story concerned with having satisfactory earned resolutions and a long development, those issues are shelved for later use, and given the last chapters I'd really hope the author is showing that she's writing the latter type of story, since it's what I prefer. Having a dramatic moment with Koga and then telling us it's resolved in .5 seconds without exploring it deeply just feels like a missed opportunity for me and I'd love if this and other small details would come together to do just that.

The fact that her social problems are resolved so anti-climatically is. fine for a casual story, but it would be more juicy if they were not solved as easily as just her hanging out with a couple more people, since the story is also trying to sell me that these issues are pretty bad and somewhat traumatic in nature. Maybe this will go somewhere more interesting now that it's getting de-shelved, and hopefully it wasn't supposed to be a neat and tidy resolution before.

The last fer chapters also has a very small undercurrent that I could have done without, specifically something like that small aya remark on how she likes Koga in the girls' uniform while knowing full well Koga's not into it (not Aya's fault, but also not ideal to say to a butch lol), or the fact that Koga's clearly-serious-if-still-irrational-and-obviously-dumb fear on how she's not really why aya keeps hanging out with her was "resolved" by being dismissed as a dog whining for attention. I myself made Mirror Dog Comic jokes literally the second i finished chapter 76, the story doing that joke themselves was funny and Koga's hilariously wrong ofc, but also huh, then the dog joke went on for like 3 chapters and idk. With how it was all framed it doesn't give off the best respect-for-the-character-vibes specifically because it's also framed as the result of some serious issues.

I always thought that this manga, unlike some other stuff, kinda give the impression it respected its butch character enough, or butchness in general, none of that "haha let's give the butch character girly clothes and laugh at how uncomfortable they are lol" manga loves. She does dumb shit and is called out for that, but she feels like an actual person, neither a complete dumbass nor the coolest person on earth. Recently though there was this slight movement toward "what a dumbass" in a way that doesn't feel earned and clashes against the subtext of why she's acting like that, this or the thing with aya just randomly saying she likes her in the girls' uniform were kinda strange. I'd really like if this is less of a falling into bad habits with depicting butch characters and more a setup for what'll happen after the end of this chapter, adding to the pile of things thanks to which Koga will feel misunderstood.

The premise

Another thing that developing her trauma does is solving an half-issue that has been there since the start of this manga and is kinda a problem of this type of premise unless you do a really good job at making sure to solve it. When you're writing a standard romance story where two people are, more or less, still supposed to get together in the end and You the audience are supposed to Want them to get together, it's important to not write the story in such a way that makes the audience Not want them together. And when you're writing a story where one of the person, knowing full well they're doing this, lies about significant aspects of themselves and who they are while also trying to pursue a non-casual relationship with them either platonic or romantic with no sufficient excuse about why they're doing it, you're writing one of the two people the audience needs to be on board with being together just. Being an Asshole. Full stop.

Especially if they know the other person have a crush on them, they see each other in another setting (school) and have no indication to believe they are not straight, but that last thing would make no difference about them still lying. Unless you give that character enough of a reason on why they can't but do that, if they have any freedom to not lie to who they want to be friend and/or partner with, they are fullstop an asshole who you don't in any way want to get together with the other person in the end. (I'm talking about normal romance plots and their audience, not toxic romance stories and their audience, which by definition need the opposite to happen to get the story they want ofc).

All manga I previously read with the same premise as kinioto had this issue, which honestly I don't think it's that wild to understand and correct, but apparently it is lol. So kinioto fortunately is at least miles away better in this regard for a number of reasons, but it's not exactly perfectly ideal either because while it does try to set up an excuse for koga to act this way and it's technically a solid one, for now it has been expressed in very vague and wishy-washy ways that don't sit as well with me.

We have an entire bonus chapter about Koga being bullied for her gender non-conformity with Ryhthm B, which would give her a very solid case against being an asshole (she's just a temporary and involuntarily one.) If the issue is that she was very afraid that, by saying the truth, aya would not care to keep being friends and would had no reasons to keep to herself Koga's gender-nonconformity, so Koga was afraid of the consequences of the whole school knowing, plus the story telling me there's trauma in there, her lack of any other platonic relationships and loneliness, general self-worth issues, being Gay(tm) and wanting to interact with aya, but also still looking only for a platonic relationship (or it'd be way way worse to justify), and being a teenager with no idea about what she's doing, it's a reasonable amount of leeway.

None of this excuses Koga from lying to Aya but it does paint a picture of her not Being an asshole, just accidentally acting asshole-y, which give her the opportunity to stop not too long after they become friends, repair the damage and do better later.

Another thing it does right is that Aya is Pissed when she finds out, and for good reason. It's still kinda eh that she's doing a 180 so quickly after the school concert and I'd have preferred if she had more time to reflect but still, at least the story says it was fucked up and aya is obviously angry at being lied to constantly by someone that knew she had a crush on them and that Aya thought Koga was a guy but said nothing while pretending to be said guy. There was no romantic relationship previous to this, they were just starting to be friends, and Koga asks her to start anew with their friendship after doing something she was terrified of doing as goodwill. Works fine enough in these circumstances.

Given it's very crucial that one of your protagonists doesn't become an asshole accidentally while you write it's important for Koga's motivation to lie to be sufficient to bear the weight of this premise. And until know she only vagued about being afraid Aya would not want to be friends with her, a very dumb thing to say since if you're lying 1. she's not actually friends with You, 2. she won't want to be friends once she eventually finds out, and if she's in the position of not finding out she's barely a friend, more like a casual acquaintance. The reasons Koga gives to why she's afraid of saying the truth doesn't do enough to escape the asshole allegations, it's either she's an asshole or she's Dumb of Ass in a way that's not well-written trauma induced and it's just random Idiot Ball induced. As I said Rhythm B thankfully starts to give a solid reason on why she would want to lie, but while I can infer it from there, this is too crucial of a point to leave only as a subtext sorta-text vague contradictory thing, and I need it to be fleshed out more so that it's unmissable that that's the reason she's lying, and that said reason is solid. If now there'll be any exploration of her issues we may be getting this clarity that would retroactively solve this half-issue for me.

Ok I'll stop typing about shit we don't even know will happen, peace

[ssentimentals]

jeonghan + ice skating

jeonghan is a confident guy. sometimes he gets borderline cocky but usually it happens if he's hundred percent sure in something. ice skating is not something he's sure in at all so, to be honest, no one was more surprised than him when he asked you out with the 'you, me, ice skating. sounds good?'. his impulsiveness got better of him but in his defense he has two things going: first, he really, really wanted to ask you out for a rather long time and second, he overheard you saying how excited you are for the opening of the ice rink and jeonghan is many things, but dumb is not one of them. of course he seized the opportunity, which led him here. and honestly? he's not very proud.

there are at least five couples on the rink and they all look like they are having the best time, if the constant laughter can be the indicator. jeonghan is not sulking but he is jealous; every single person skates so well and he barely can hold himself upright. in his head everything looked so romantic but now that he can see you coming to him, he's afraid he missed a very important detail - his complete incompetence in ice skating. you wobble towards him, holding handrails tightly and while it's cute, he's honest to god afraid for both of yours physical wellbeing.

'it's so crowded!' you exclaim, looking around. jeonghan can't look away even though he knows he should at least give a glance to the surroundings; your eyes are shining and you're smiling widely and maybe - just maybe - this idea's not that bad. 'since we both are awful in this, do you want to take those skate helpers?'

'i can teach you,' jeonghan says confidently and when you stare at him in shock, he quickly adds: 'i read five articles about this.'

'which makes you a pro now?' you ask, trying your hardest not to laugh. 'you're barely standing too!'

'my dear, confidence is the key!' hannie exclaims dramatically, making you smile. 'now, give me your hand and don't worry. i won't let anything happen to you.'

jeonghan's heart flutters when you take his hand without any hesitation, telling him to lead the way. he tries his best: puts on a brave face and in a teacher voice tells you all that he memorized. it turns out to be fun, really. it's easy when you get along with all his ideas, picking up on his jokes easily. it's easy to be silly with you, jeonghan feels like he can breathe with his whole chest, like he can actually be himself and you'll accept him fully. he tries his best to be charming but it seems like it's him who's falling for your charms instead; your laugh tightens his chest, your touch sends him in a frenzy, your smile makes him swoon. he holds you tightly and keeps telling you it's for your own safety, hiding the fact that he just likes having you this close.

'i can go by myself!' you proclaim after thirty minutes, feeling pretty confident.

jeonghan looks around at all of the people who are picking up their speed while skating in circles and frowns: 'maybe not here? that corner is empty.'

'you've been set on protecting me from people all this time,' you chuckle. 'i can protect myself, look!' you let go of his hands, all set to show what you learned.

jeonghan swallows dryly, eyes focused on your retreating figure and all of the people around who are way too fast and some of them are even skating backwards and-

'careful!' he shouts, rushing forward and forcefully yanking you on his chest in order to prevent a clash with another guy. 'oh my- are you okay?'

it takes you two some minutes to find the balance and jeonghan can't feel his arms from where you're clutching on them so hard. breath coming out in puffs, you look up at him with an open mouth, not sure what to say. at last you nod and jeonghan sighs in relief, helping you stand upright. 'i know i can't protect you from everything, but i wish you'd let me protect from the things i can control.'

he fixes your hat with his hand, looking at you fondly. your eyes glaze over a little and he smiles at your pink cheeks; he's sure thy are not only due to cold anymore. 'thank you,' you quietly murmur.

jeonghan smiles, taking your hands into his. there are words on the tip of his tongue, little confessions that are ready to burst from his heart but he's holding back. what he said before is already a little too much, he can tell by your obvious embarrassment. 'well,' he says a bit too loudly, 'ready for a race? if you win i'll go on another date with you and if i win then you'll go on another date with me. deal?'

you blink at him, starting to laugh. 'this was such a jeonghan thing to say, you have no idea.'

'really?' he grins. 'know me well then, don't you?'

at this you stick your tongue out. 'better than you know me, mister. try to keep up!'

jeonghan laughs and counts to four before he also heads off towards you. your laughter rings in his ears and he thinks that this whole ice skating thing may not be such a horrible idea, after all.

a/n: this was such a cute request, i hope you liked it @sugarbearhyuck <3 my other works can be found by this link - nini

tag list: @smalliechelle @jaetaimjadore @woozionascooter @yeow6n @pearlygraysky

[alarrytale]

Since there´s this new O on the scene whenever she´s about to become H´s new stunt or he´s just giving her some PR as the walking billboard as he his, I came across an opinion that he´s always giving his platform for women only. Of course, mostly because he got into business agreement to stunt with them but even if it isn´t about pr relationships, he barely gives this opportunity to male artists (except artists who play in his band). This past month was the only exception as he´s been seen with so many artists and attended many shows but that´s maybe because he finally got time to attend shows imo. Do you think it might be related to the fact that he´s closeted and showing too much support to male artists would be suspicious? Anyway I still can´t sort out my feeling toward if new stunt is coming. People are saying that she´s got long term bf (and they say he was at that festival as well) and you wrote that hshq friendzoned her but idk, still weird that he was spotted with her the same way as they launched h*ssell last year, she was immediately recognized by literally only her silhouette (= obvious set up outing) and now from all festivals across Europe he chose the one she played. When it comes to H´s stunts it doesn´t matter how long that woman was in relationship or if she literally has a family with her man (OW), she´s suddenly single when she´s around H and I´m sick of it but also I am preparing for the worst.

Some think Olivia Dean is going to be Harry’s new stunt-but it seems like her career is just fine, why would she need to? Also If it does happen there’s nothing we can do about it so why panic?

Hi, anons!

First of all, nobody is panicking, we're all just discussing possibilities and the probability of a new stunt happening, based on the information we have. It's stunt number 698 or something, so we're used to it. So please don't say we're panicking when we're not.

Her career is not "fine", because nobody knows who she is (until now). If nobody knows who she is she won't sell albums, get headlines and chart. She isn't known outside the UK and i think she's working on that by playing festivals etc. She absolutely needs the connection to H and the name recognition that comes with it.

Harry is stunting with women, because they act as a beard AND give him attention. A romantic narrative will also give him more attention and PR than if he were to fake a friendship with a man for PR. Harry's a womaniser and he picks up and coming women, because that's the only one willing to stunt with someone who a good part of his fanbase knows is queer. He's not helping them from the goodness of his heart. It's a you scratch my back and i'll scratch yours kind of situation. He needs a service they provide (straight alibi).

[crownedwille]

I'd love to hear about number 7, 15 and 21 from Secondary Character Ask 💙

07. Character you didn’t initially like/love but have now warmed up to

There's not one I can directly think of but August kind of... He was so infuriating to me in s1 specifically but his presence didn't annoy me as much in s2 and he even has some pleasant moments in it and I found him and his storyline even more interesting and intriguing in s3. I wouldn't say I like him as a person but I like him as a character and he has grown on me in a way.

15. Adult character whose teenage backstory would make the best spin-off series

This isn't anything new but Kristina. It would be sooo interesting to see her as a young girl (I can imagine her being pretty similar to Wille) and what her life was like as Crown Princess at Hillerska. I always wonder about her experience growing up and what her relationship with her parents was, especially her father, who was king and what the monarchy was like back then and what has changed since then and what her feelings and thoughts about it were. I can see her as resolute and goal-oriented but also soft and warm in ways that has slowly disappeared over the years. And she used to have fun canonically lol (maybe she even was known as a bit of a party princess in her days).

Also imagine young Pernilla August in this, it would be amazing! Oh, I wish we could go back in time so this spin off series could actually happen with her.

21. Most underrated character/ship/actor overall

Character: Sara. She is in the main cast but she is still underrated. And hated more than some other side characters so Sara it is.

Ship: Sara/August. Again, they are one of the main characters and main pairings but for that fact they are barely acknowledged and disproportionately hated. I don't really ship them strongly either but they are honestly such an interesting and kinda sweet pairing that I think deserves to be talked about and explored in depth more.

Actor: I don't wanna name another person from the main cast but maybe Nikita? I feel like we don't talk about her enough, she's so good.

Every one of the side characters actors is so good as well but I can't think of one I find specifically underrated. They all deserve recognition and many great acting opportunities in the future.

[dalmascan-requiem]

Lente's Hymn: Resistance - Chapter 5

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Things don't go as planned.

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Read on AO3 or keep reading after the jump

content warnings: none

< Previous Chapter | Next Chapter >

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We're finally pushing more into the Bozja story. Lots of tension overall as Mikoto gets kidnapped... but for a change it's not the boys at each other's throats. Maybe the hurt feelings are cooling down a bit? (If they are they won't admit it)

"We're simply spread too thin as it is, we don't have the forces to launch an operation to save Mikoto…"

Kris's eyes narrow as he crosses his arms, the displeasure clear on his face. "Would you say the same if it was one of your countrymen, Marsak? Or do you leave them to the whims of traitors and Garleans as well?"

"How dare you…!" Marsak slams the table, his lips curling back as he regards the Warrior of Light. "You do not think we've had to leave our soldiers behind? That this is somehow different!? You would never underst–"

"I do understand." Kris's expression doesn't change, but his tone takes a sharp turn that brokers no further argument. 

"Enough." Bajsaljen shakes his head. "I understand your feelings, Blade Kris, but we cannot change facts. Our troops are too far split, and we're fighting the Garleans on too many fronts. We don't have the manpower to lay siege to the Castrum."

"At least we know where Mikoto is–and Misija clearly needs her for something, else she wouldn't be alive." But how are we to even make ground…? Laurent leaves the question unsaid–he knows he didn't need to voice it.

Kris stands silently for a moment, eyes closed, before speaking. "Fine. I'll resolve these other conflicts. Then, we can storm the Castrum."

The others in the command tent stare at him before Bajsaljen breaks the silence. "You… you mean to fight all these battles… alone?"

"Not alone, of course. I will need a partner." Kris's gaze lingers on Laurent shortly, then he shakes his head. "But I need Blade Elja to rest."

Laurent scoffs at the suggestion. "Ready to be rid of me at the first opportunity?"

He notices Kris's expression softens slightly–ever so slightly–but after he shakes his head again, the hard expression returns. "No, we'll need every man we can at the siege, and you've barely had time to sleep. I'll not have you falling over when I have need of you."

Kris taps a finger against his arm for a moment before continuing. "Blade Azetina suffered an injury recently, so Blade Slanasch has been idle. I'll take him in your stead." He nods, not waiting for any affirmation before turning to exit the tent.

"Wait." So frustrating… Laurent bites back the retort. "And what of you? You need rest, as well."

"I do not need rest. I simply need us to storm the Castrum as quickly as possible."

Kris leaves the tent before anyone has a chance to respond, and Marsak growls as he walks off. "Who does he think he is? Ordering people around–"

"He's the Warrior of Light, Marsak. Just let him do what he needs to do." Marsak stomps off after Bajsaljen's comment, and the Hrothgar sighs before turning to Laurent. "Can you tell me what exactly happened? Kris wasn't keen on giving the details…"

"Right…" Laurent lets a slow breath out, then begins recounting the day.

**~**

"Laurent."

"What is it?"

"Come here." Kris roughly grabs Laurent's arm and pulls him behind the tent, and he resists the urge to wrestle it back. What is he doing…?

Once they're away from the main area, Kris drops Laurent's arm and remains silent for a moment, concern evident on his face. Laurent crosses his arms, waiting for Kris to work out whatever he was going to say. 

"Makoto has found… I don't know how to describe it. I don't understand the technology." Kris waves a hand in frustration before continuing. "... She found some way to recharge the focus we used earlier to delve into Cid's memories. Misija is insistent on coming with us onto the battleground."

Laurent shakes his head. "...I don't see the issue, Kris. Misija is a soldier, even if she has spent most of her time at camp."

"It's just…" Kris frowned, taking another moment before continuing. "I don't have a good feeling about this. Misija isn't telling us something." His expression softens a bit as he looks away, staring at a spot on the ground. "I don't… want to ignore this feeling. I don't want something bad to happen again."

Again? Laurent didn't press it–now didn't seem to be the time to bring up painful memories. "What do you need me to do?"

Kris looks back at him, a faint look of shock on his face. "It didn't take much to convince you."

"Seems unwise to ignore the Warrior of Light's hunches."

"...Right. Of course." Kris's expression becomes unreadable. …Is he upset? Was he expecting something else…? "I need you to follow behind us. Make sure we're not walking into a trap, or be backup if I need it. I know you can do it… discreetly."

Laurent nods. "Fine. I'll make preparations."

He turns to leave but stops when he hears Kris speak again.

"Thank you, Laurent."

"Mm." As much as he wants to, he doesn't turn back around.

**~**

"But obviously, the plan didn't work. We underestimated Misija, and what she was willing to do to get that focus." Laurent sighs angrily. "I was waylaid by some Garleans meant to… ensure Misija did her job. Not that they needed to be there. You know the rest."

"I see…" Bajsaljen falls silent, processing the story. "It is undoubtedly a frustrating situation… we all trusted Misija. I don't know why she threw her lot in with the Garleans. But… if this is what spurs Kris and the other Blades to make ground, then we can take back the Castrum and save Makoto all the same."

"Perhaps you should fight your own battles instead of getting Kris to do it for you."

"...What was that, Blade Elja?" Bajsaljen bristled. …I did not mean to speak that out loud… but…

"Hells, you seem happy Mikoto was kidnapped, as if she's something to dangle in front of him so he'll do what you want. I just hope your inaction doesn't get them killed."

Laurent turns and leaves the tent. He hears Bajsaljen say something as he leaves, but he doesn't bother to stop to hear it.

[kyndaris]

An Introspective Lull in the Pursuit of Love

I have often found that it is quite easy for me to fall into new routines. Take this blog, for example. In the past, it would contain impressions of the games I'd played and finished, along with the occasional anecdotes I'd come up with that had been on my mind. As I started to date, many of my posts soon changed to revolve around my attempts to find love. But despite going at it for nigh on two years, I haven't felt closer to cracking the mystery that is romance even as I've flooded my weekly entries about my adventures.

As my love life dwindles though, I've been scrambling to find something fun and lighthearted to share with the dear readers I've accrued on my blog. Not that there's many.

Still, at least I now have the opportunity to opine about the state of the world or properly allow my errant thoughts some breathing room.

Of course, if you've read the title of this blog, you'll know that in this instance, my thoughts haven't strayed too far from the familiar.

Since I've started chronicling the dates I've gone on, it has come as no surprise that I don't regard myself as straight. There have been many a time wherein I've asserted that I sit somewhere on the asexual spectrum. But recent revelations on who I might be attracted to has had me scrambling on what it means to be in a relationship and the sacrifices one needs to make.

Although I've opened my preferences for all genders on Hinge, I've found it extremely hard to date or chat with people from unique backgrounds. Invariably, most of the people that tend to like my profile or who I actually respond are cisgender heterosexual men. Probably because they're the ones most active on the dating apps. And while conversations can start off strong, it almost always seems to fail. Whether it's because they're a bad texter and I find it hard to continue a conversation or they just stop responding altogether.

The only person I've kept up a steady communication with is Dikottir. And in fact, we might be venturing out to VIVID Sydney for a fifth date (at time of writing, VIVID has only just begun). But while this may seem promising, it comes with the caveat that we've technically met in person since August 2023, with our initial chat on Hinge back in July of that same year.

If ever there was a relationship that was the epitome of a slow burn, this would be it.

Perhaps it comes from the fact both of us have our own individual lives and interests. Or maybe neither of us know how to navigate the quagmire encapsulating relationships.

I know I certainly don't lead a very riveting life that requires constant chronicling/ updating to a third party I barely even know. Heck, not even my own mother asks me how my day has gone even after absconding to China and leaving me to care for my grandmother (although, if I'm being honest, there's not much to say on a daily basis anyways. I wake up, I work, I cook and then I go to bed after playing some video games).

Besides, it's not like I consider Dikottir my Roman Empire. There are just so many other things to preoccupy me: books, video games, shows, road trip planning...

To be fair, Dikottir has been nothing but a gentleman. But after years of having romance novels and films harp about a 'spark' or the 'chemistry' between two people, the word I'd use to describe my 'relationship' with Dikottir would be torpid. At best.

Still, I persist. Wondering if this 'thing' between us will ever work out. Although, if I was being truly honest with myself, I think it'll just end up being a friendship.

Hinge, and many other dating apps, simply aren't very conducive for me in building up a connection. Constant interactions in a shared environment or a neutral setting are some of the best places for me to slowly build up the foundation to a strong friendship.

And yet, there have been people I've met that I've felt an odd compulsive pull where I want to learn more about them. Alas, it's only happened with women. As I've detailed before in an earlier post, there have been women I've been drawn to, believing we could be the best of friends. Is that love? Or is it the makings of a crush?

I wish I knew. I wish there was a definitive definition of what it means to fall in love with someone so I could tick off the symptoms and diagnose myself with it instead of having people tell me: "you'll know it when it happens to you."

A part of me does want to believe this is me like-liking someone but discussions with Sorrengail, a fellow ace, has described these instances of obsession as a 'squish.' And, in almost all instances, my swift and sudden obsessive curiosity does fade.

But it is in those rare moments that I do wonder if there might be something more beyond the platonic.

These last few days, I've posited the theory to myself that maybe I'm questioning these 'squishes' as something more because my mind has been focused on trying to build relationships and finding a romantic partner. But the more I do, the more I fear what might become of an actual committed relationship.

How much of myself will I need to compromise? Will it have all been a waste of time if nothing eventuates? How do I know if someone likes me or not? What are the 'signals' that I should be looking out for?

I think for most people the start of a relationship is always fraught with a mixture of emotions: the desire to make a good impression and the fear the other person might not like the 'real' you. Especially if you immediately lean into the chaos gremlin dwelling inside the human exoskeleton.

It's certainly something I've thought about because even as a neurotypical person, I've often found myself portraying a heightened version of myself to different social circles. For example, I know I can't go into a deep dive about Kingdom Hearts lore at work because no-one else would appreciate the collision of Disney and Japanese role-playing games. And I don't talk about the books I read to many of my non-reader friends.

While these aren't exactly separate personas, these images of me that I project are tailored to the audience I'm with.

Yes, they are all me but they are me in different situations.

And there aren't many social circles where I feel comfortable enough to unleash the nose-booping, terrible picture-taking chaos gremlin menace that I really am on the inside. At least, I'm not comfortable with showing off that side of me.

Although, yes, there are people at work who know I'm a big massive nerd. And who are a little frightened of my ability to memorise addresses.

I also have a tendency of phrasing things terribly. So, there might be a subset of people I know who fear for their lives (looking at you Chinchilla) even though I wouldn't hurt a fly (that's a lie. I kill a lot of insects).

Jokes aside, I'm also worried I've entered this race for all the wrong reasons. Love isn't something to be pursued. You can't force it. It either comes naturally or it doesn't. But maybe, too, I need to stop being oh so cautious and just jump in with both feet if I do feel something.

As Ellie Chu, from the film The Half of It put it: love isn't patient and kind and humble. Love is messy and horrible and selfish and bold. It's not finding your perfect half. It's the trying and the reaching and failing. Love is being willing to ruin your good painting for the chance at a great one."

Maybe that's what I need to do. Instead of comparing and contrasting Hinge profiles to see who might be a good fit and letting my executive functioning do most of the work, I should lean into my instincts. Instead of fearing that a relationship won't work out, I need to fight in the trenches for it.

And whether or not love will hit me over the head with a hammer or sneak up on me like an assassin, I need to be open to it.

Easier said than done!

But hey, that's life, isn't it?

[edgepunk]

Okay so, some of the SM2 dust settled and I'm not gonna do a full breakdown of the story, I just wanna express some general feelings I've had.

I think, and call me crazy, that there was a lot more corporate meddling hence some of the very questionable choices - Miles' suit with Adidas shoes. Like. I saw someone call the suit a "walking billboard" and I couldn't agree more. Not to mention they introduced it at the most inappropriate time during a fucking apocalypse. And he called it a "Miles Morales original" even tho the entirety of his standalone game was all about stepping out of Peter's shadow. I get they were most likely working on the games at the same time, but do the writing teams not communicate with each other? Now SM:MM feels almost obsolete because of that line. This whole scene was an advertisement and it almost ruins the moment when Peter opens up to Miles. What the hell was the point?

The whole game feels...off. And that's mainly because most of the writers were different people, you can check it on IMBD. The first game felt like a passion project, this game felt more like they were going through a checklist of "big things" that needed to happen. Like, I'm not saying it's bad, because the game has a lot of great moments, but it's not on the same level as the first one. Like I said, it feels more corporate while the first game was clearly more of "okay we're gonna give you the IP and see what happens" and since the first game was such a success, they've had more suits breathing down their necks. I wouldn't put it past Sony that they've had them on a tighter leash. Because that's how it happens in the entertainment industry - a passion project becomes successful, the suits/investors see an opportunity to earn more money, give the creatives less freedom, and that's how we usually get the generic Hollywood slop.

I don't hate the game's story, it just feels clunky and less heartfelt compared to the first game. You can especially feel it during the third act, there was barely any breathing room and the player kept getting bombarded by big moments that were difficult to digest. The story needed to be a couple of hours longer, it felt undercooked and things kept happening too fast. It's still hard for me to believe that the events of the game happened in the span of a few days. Peter's corruption felt too fast too. Compare it to Otto's slow descent into villainy. Yeah. Why not make the events in the span of two-three weeks? Why days? To me, it's such an odd choice.

And a lot of relationships felt underdeveloped too - especially Harry and Norman's, which was supposed to be important to the story. Then, Norman suddenly calls Peter his son even though they barely interacted? And maybe I missed it (or forgot), but I haven't seen MJ and Peter talk about the fact that he almost killed her when he was out of control? < you can dispute this, because I genuinely can't recall them having a conversation about this. In fact, I forgot a lot of things, because too many things happened in this game.

tl;dr - story isn't bad, it needed more time in the oven and less Adidas advertisement

[sketching-shark]

i have an idea about a possible impostor plot in lmk

i have an idea that Rumble and Savage would look for Macaque to take revenge on him, mk would get in the way and prevent him from being killed, after meeting mk Rumble and savage develop a hatred and jealousy towards mk

basically because of mk he is loved by everyone

so Rumble and savage kidnapped him and would try to steal mk's identity but rumble and savage don't know what does what mk, be mk

and everyone immediately realizes that they are not mk

because rumble and savage think that what makes mk so loved by everyone is how strong and useful he is to others

basically the opposite of what happened in Journey to the West where only buddha knew who was the impostor and who was the real sun wukong

what do you think

HUH well I guess my first question @maidenofthecloud is how 2 monkey dudes plan to impersonate one (maybe they take turns guarding MK & pretending to be him), but this sounds like a really neat idea to bring a conclusion to both some questions that desperately need to be answered as well as a way to finally convince the monkie kid that everyone loves him for him and not because of how useful he is!

It's been made clear that in legoland Journey to the West is well not much more besides Sun Wukong propaganda/a bunch of falsities to the point where it's not a reliable guide for any character's backstory, and as such there's all these ongoing mysterys such as why did DBK & SWK have their huge battle, what actually happened to the og pilgrims, why specifically did SWK exile himself from the world for 500 years, and of course what actually went down between SWK and Macaque.

With Rumble and Savage being introduced in the tv show with the goal of getting revenge on Macaque and kidnapping/replacing Qi Xiaotian, however, this seems like a great scenario for pretty much all these questions to finally be answered! Because if the "Evil Macaque" lego set is any indication:

then Rumble and Savage were brought into existence specifically to be Macaque's minions, so in an interesting turn of events we could have a scenario where Macaque has to deal with the fact that apparently just like SWK he also has some monkey yaoguai gunning for revenge against him because he used them to get what he wanted before abandoning them. As such, the shadow simian having to explain to team monkie what happened to MK and why in this situation does present a perfect scenario for him and SWK to finally have to hash it out as to what exactly happened between them not only because they'd have to work together to rescue MK and as such would need to trust each other, but also because I can imagine (and tbh would love to see) the prequel to any rescue attempt including the Monkey King verbally lashing out in frustration and shame both from his personal long history of one failure after another to achieve his goals or protect anyone he cares about and also from the long lego show history of so many calling him some version of stupid and terrible while their own failures are more or less shrugged off (see DBK & Macaque & maybe even Li Nezha & Ao Guang if you want to include some of their Investiture of the Gods stories lol). As such this also feels like a great opportunity for SWK to finally give his version of what happened to the og pilgrims and also why he had that instigating battle with DBK--and why he even left his sworn brother trapped for 500 years--as maybe some of the major reasons why he exiled himself in the first place & now basically never attempts to defend himself when the accusations about his terribleness are a go. Tbh even with season 4's memory scroll all of these questions were barely touched on and as such any "resolution" feels more like a band-aid on a festering wound, so having them properly addressed would be nice & let the plot move forward. Also this could perhaps be when the whole existence of the torture headband is brought up & we get a little bit more insight as to why SWK seems pretty resigned to people hating him & thinking for the longest time he had to do everything himself as some sort of penance that's inevitably doomed to fail. Also also this could be a good way for DBK & Macaque to start confronting some of their own less than stellar actions too instead of going straight to dumping all blame on the Monkey King.

Meanwhile back at the ranch (i.e. Rumble & Savage's hideout) a kidnapped MK, who's already struggling with actually being a monkey yaoguai, could be confronted with a really warped version of what his "true" identity means through the twin's own ideas that they were instilled with by Macaque during one of the lowest points of his life (you know, under the Lady Bone Demon's control and defined by his hatred for SWK). For them, their worth as individuals coming from being strong and useful was not only the reason they were created but also something likely validated in their minds by Macaque telling them stories about how that's what is was like for him being the Monkey King's "friend," as well as from their interactions with others being limited to doing what those stronger than them wanted them to do and watching a stronger yaoguai (LBD) torture a weaker yaoguai (Macaque) when he didn't follow her orders to a t. As such, their idea of what it means to be a yaoguai is likely that it is to be involved in a never-ending power struggle where the strong get to do whatever they want to those weaker than them, and the weak just have to shut up and obey if they want to live. Their decision to kidnap/replace Qi Xiaotian would then be not so much about escaping this dynamic as it would be about continuing it but also getting good food, not getting immediately tortured when they mess up, and getting people who at least pretend they love them as part of the deal. As is MK already has a easy-to-please nature and seems to greatly fear that his friends and family will abandon him the second he becomes too much/not useful to them, so this could really in his mind confirm his worst fears about how his life will go.

SO YEAH then imagine the surprise that Rumble, Savage, and Qi Xiaotian would experience from the twin's disguise immediately being seen through because they're acting nothing like the monkie kid & the monkie crew showing themselves to be willing to go through hell or high water to rescue MK not because he's useful but because he's a kind and goofy young (monkey) man that they love. Hell this could also be an amazing possibility to both draw attention to and take off some of the enormous pressure of Qi Xiaotian's back in terms of veering away from these plots where he's constantly being put in the situation of having to keep the universe from exploding by making it absolutely clear that him (& his peers in Long Xiaojiao, Red Son, and in this situation Rumble & Savage tbh) having to take on all that responsibility has been absolute bullshit, that it's absolute bullshit that MK would even think he needs to do that in the first place (like jfc even hyper-murder and hyper-competent og classic SWK never had to prevent the destruction of all reality) & that there's actually a lot of things all the older adult yaoguai and immortals in his life, not just SWK, can do to keep the situation from routinely getting that bad. So if Rumble & Savage's attempts to replace MK with who they think he or is what they think others want him to be could be about the ongoing consequences of the failures of the older generation, then this ending with Qi Xiaotian and the twins, Mei, Red Son, and maybe also the Lady Bone Demon's host being helped by said older generation into a place where they can be happy and live authentically as themselves without having to be strong and useful all the time could be a really neat conclusion to a Monkie Kid arc.

[mechacringekitty]

the!

betrayal, bound, desire, future, mask, hate for damselfly [although I don't know how developed they are], daggers, isabeth, and kidako

you don't have to do all the characters/questions, sorry there's so many sdljghdfl I just love your characters so much

SOME OF MY FAVOURITES.. you know just what I like to write about <3 i am always happy to answer enjoy your food

betrayal ; Damselfly - No, they haven't. She doesn't have anyone close enough to her for it to be a betrayal on either end- most of her relationships are built on a mutual need to survive for the short time they interact. Daggers - Feels rather betrayed by Stellar, on an emotional level. She thought they would be happily together for the rest of their lives - they both did - and the fact that Stellar refuses to work any of it out doesn't make her feel any better. Daggers would never intentionally return the favour though, she knows how bad it feels. Kidako - Neither, so far, though he needs some more fleshing out and this might change. Isabeth - Absolutely. She put her trust in Iveya and Lullabies, and Iveya tore that down the second an opportunity for power was within her grasp. Lullabies less so, as she understands they just follow Iveya's orders, but it still hurt. Isa has betrayed mortals! Pre-Markata, she wasn't a huge fan and enjoyed leading them on just for fun. bound ; Damselfly - Has been caught by other denizens of hell several times. Usually by way of walking directly into traps like the cocky ass he is. They generally take it as a fun excuse to raze the area and whoever happens to be in it. Daggers - Not yet, though that could change :) Some questionable fellows lurk in the IceWing palace. Kidako - He is also okay so far. Isabeth - Iveya had her in a holding cell for about a week before the ascension; it was supposed to be a few days but there were distractions. It didn't leave scars, per say, but she's not alive anymore, so... desire ; Damselfly - It wants to be loved, quite a lot. Appreciated in general...seen for a powerful weapon. Power in general is a huge fantasy for them, they love the thought of ruling. They won't directly admit it, but it's not something they'll deny either. Pretty far! They already barely have morals and burn through hell like it's nothing. Maybe if they try hard enough they can rule a layer. Daggers - She'd love for her family not to be so distant and broken apart. Even her daughter not speaking to her much on the rare nights she's home makes her a little sadder every time. She's tried speaking to Stellar about it, but Daggers is too tired to handle much conflict and Stellar always turns it into an argument. Kidako - He's a pretty happy guy! Would love for there not to be a war! Not going to do anything about it, though! Isabeth - She wants Markata back...the love of her life, her other half. Isa has never had anyone to admit it to, but it's evident in the way she talks about Markata when Lullabies can get her to. She'd do almost anything just to talk to her wife again. future ; Damselfly - Stuck in hell, already scant mental health slowly degrading, nothing but a mindless machine with a broken soul. They're very aware of the possibility, but don't do much to avoid it, since everything is a "I'll deal with it later" situtation. Daggers - Wasting her life with Stellar and/or being killed in the impending war or from some other cause. Which is, unfortunately, the most likely future. She's too tired and stressed to think much about the future, though. Kidako - Losing his family, probably ? That or dying a meaningless death which is...also kind of likely. Isabeth - I literally do not think her life can get any worse. 1/2, once again