#or maybe i have unreachable standards
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I was thinking about a oneshot for Natalie x reader in the wilderness. Like maybe they were both friends because they were both outcasts and Natalie always defended reader from anyone who tried to be mean. When the plane crashed, their dynamic didn't really change : they were still sticking together, looking for one another. At first, it was quiet, almost peaceful, despite the dread of the wilderness. But then winter came. Jackie died. Maybe reader refusing to eat her ?(because that was their team captain, how could she ever eat her ? Treat her body like it was only meat?). And she started to be quieter, refusing food portions, not doing anything except the chores. She even started to drift away from Natalie, which worried the girl. And Natalie tries her best to keep reader alive, because that's all that matters to her, but it's so hard especially when reader doesn't look at her anymore. And Natalie sees reader starting to fade away and it's driving her crazy because she doesn't know what to do and she is afraid that reader isn't going to survive, or worse, letting herself die. And everyone on the team is worried, everyone noticed but nobody knows what to do either. And if it's too uncomfortable for you, maybe reader (actively or passively, the choice remains yours) trying to kill herself. Then someone on the team finds her on the brink of death and calls everyone and Natalie is the first one to rush by your side. And when reader finally wakes up, Natalie is still by her side, she never left, watching every breath, even if subtle. And maybe Natalie refuses to ever leave reader's side again, except this time reader actually accepts the help and she gets better (as good as you can be in the wilderness)
So maybe fluff at the beginning/end, hurt/comfort and angst ? Thx anyway <3
â how much tragedy? || natalie scatorccio x reader đď¸ (pre-crash/wilderness)



a/n: thanks for req! honestly big fan of the idea â always a sucker for hurt/comfort! hope you like it <3
summary: natalie will do anything to protect you. no matter what it takes. even if it means broken knuckles and shattered lies. || angst. hurt/comfort. fluff
warnings: standard yellowjackets warnings (cannibalism, gore etcâŚ), mentions of suicide, attempt of suicide
word count: about 3k
Natalie simply loved being close to you. Not in an overbearing wayâat least not when it was just the two of youâbut it didn't take a genius to see that this girl had fallen for you. Completely. And maybe, for the first time in her life, Natalie didn't want to change that. She couldn't even entertain the thought of a world where your presence might be gone in any way. Natalie could push everyone else away just to draw you in, closer and closer with each day.
And sure, there were nights when her fingers itched to pick up some random payphone on the street just to tell you it was overâbut she knew that by morning, she'd be crawling back on her knees, begging you to take her in like some stray dog.
It all started when you moved into the trailer park. Life had already dragged you through enough that relocating to some shithole town like Wiskayok in New Jersey, didn't exactly feel like rock bottom. Money was tight. Your parents weren't exactly winning medals in the "doing what they should" category.
Word got around fast. Kids from your neighborhood didn't have it easy at school, so it came as a shock when you found out about Natalie Scatorccio. Natalie, who had zero tolerance for the bullshit constantly thrown her way. Natalie, who was so effortlessly cool you couldn't tell if you wanted to be her or be with her. Natalie, who strutted through the school halls with her headphones on, untouchable, unreachable.
Natalieâwho one day offered you a cigarette.
It was late. You'd slammed the door of your trailer behind you after yet another fight with your parents. Your hands were shaking with rage and frustration. You collapsed onto the front steps, trying to calm yourself before having to listen to your dad's endless ranting again.
Then Natalie appeared. Of course, headphones on, dressed in her soccer gear. She walked the length of the park with heavy steps, a gym bag slung over her shoulder, lazily smoking a cigarette.
She was smiling. That's what made you stareâthat crooked smile.
Then Natalie's gazeâlike she knew someone was watchingâlanded on you. Shit. You must've looked wrecked, because she came over. The smile vanished, but she didn't replace it with that distant, blank stare you knew so well. You couldn't read her at all.
Without a word, she pulled a pack of cigarettes from her pocket and gave you a look. The kind of look someone gives when they know what it's like to have shitty parents. What it's like to feel like a screw-up since the day you learned to talk back.
You blinked. Once, twice. Then finally took the cigarette from her hand, and she pulled out a lighter.
Your hand trembled as you reached for it, but before you could grab it, Natalie was already leaning in, lighting the cigarette for you.
"Thanks," you mumbled. Natalie looked, for a second, like she was about to turn and pretend the whole thing never happened. But instead, she dropped down beside you on the concrete steps.
She stayed.
And maybe that's why you couldn't ever let her go.
The rest happened pretty naturally. Natalie just started hanging around. At first with a hint of hesitation, then not even bothering to hide the stupid grin on her face whenever she saw you.
You started smoking more around her. One time she even passed you a joint, and after a few hits, when you were completely high, Nat couldn't stop laughing.
"I'm gonna throw up," you groaned, lying limply on her bed. Something by Nirvana was playing in the background, and the air was so thick with smoke it felt suffocating. You wondered if the smell would ever leave your clothes. Maybe it would cling to you the same way it did to Natalie
"Bullshit," Nat grinned. "And if you do, make sure it's outside."
She handed you the joint again. You looked at her through bloodshot eyes, your expression twisted in mild disgust.
"I hate you," you mumbled â but still brought it to your lips.
"Sure you do," she replied, and took your hand like it already belonged to her. Only to intertwine her fingers with yours and press them to her chest. She didn't even look at you. And that's when you knew â you were both screwed.
Natalie could've won an official title as your guard dog. Every time someone bumped into you on purpose in the hallway or threw a stupid comment your way, she was there. As if she had a sixth sense for when someone was trying to bitch at you, even just a little.
"You need to learn to defend yourself," she once said, while you were painting her nails. You frowned, not quite understanding why. Aggression wasn't... your thing. You endured the jabs and teasing because no one had taught you any other way to cope. And besides, the thought of breaking someone's nose didn't exactly thrill you.
"I have you," you replied, looking her straight in the eyes. Even if it was selfish.
"I won't always be there," Natalie said, staring at you. Not because she didn't want to. If anything, she was just waiting for an excuse to be near you. But she knew she couldn't always be.
A moment of silence. A pause. And before you could think about why you probably shouldn't, your lips found hers â brief, sweet. Nat accidentally smudged black polish onto your shirt.
Neither of you ever brought it up. Maybe because you were both terrible at talking about feelings. Still â Natalie didn't push you away.
Oh, quite the opposite. From that moment on, she may as well have been chained to your side. She even begged you to join the Yellowjackets just so she could crack jokes during practice and hear the coach yell at you both to focus, for Christ's sake!
You spent every spare moment together â drinking, smoking. Sometimes just listening to music. Sometimes Nat would sneak kisses from your mouth, even though neither of you ever defined what this was. You got used to it. Maybe it wasn't part of friendship, but you weren't complaining. There was some unspoken rule that you didn't talk about it, but neither of you ever considered being with anyone else.
You won states. Nat even convinced the coach to let you room together at the hotel, despite being a complete pain in the ass most of the time. He probably suspected Natalie would sneak into your room after curfew anyway.
And honestly? She didn't need anyone else when she had you.
Then the plane crashed. In the middle of nowhere. And as if that wasn't enough â help never came.
At first, it wasn't so bad. Almost peaceful. Natalie was near, and you were far away from that New Jersey hellhole, from the annoying parents. From fights, school rumors, real life.
Nat learned how to hunt. She often went out with Travis for hours, but when she came back â whether she had food or not â she always made time for you. Sometimes she insisted on taking you along, even though you knew nothing about shooting animals and were more or less useless.
Sometimes Natalie picked flowers for you. Sometimes you'd end up in the wreckage of the plane, making out for long minutes until you had to go back. It wasn't paradise, it wasn't easy. But it could've been a lot worse.
The avalanche started with Laura Lee. When she was gone, hope began to flicker out. Something dimmed. Everyone's posture changed, like something inside had slumped.
Then came Doomcoming. You remembered little. You weren't even sure you wanted to remember. It was easier not to.
Natalie found you on the ground in front of the cabin. She was panting like she'd just run a marathon â maybe she had. You weren't sure. You stared at her, trying to figure out whether she was real or just another hallucination.
"Nat..." you started, but she just led you to the lake. Helped wash the blood (God knows whose) off your dress and the dirt from your hands. She cleaned your cuts while you stared blankly into the distance, rinsing yourself off without much thought.
Natalie should have known that's when it started. That moment, when your eyes went lifeless for just a second â that's when you began slipping out of her hands.
She never told you what really happened. Maybe that, too, was her weird way of taking care of you.
Shauna and Jackie had a fight. Jackie stormed out, and you wanted to go after her â tell her not to be stupid and just come back inside. But Nat grabbed your wrist.
Maybe Jackie wasn't the kindest to Nat, but she was never cruel to you the way the other popular girls were. Sure, she cared way too much about gossip, but she never asked where you lived, never cared that your parents weren't picture-perfect or that you couldn't afford better clothes.
"Let her go," Natalie pulled you back. "She'll be fine. It's just one night. Maybe she'll finally swallow her fucking pride."
You didn't quite understand. Jackie didn't deserve that.
But then morning came. Snow had fallen. And when you saw Jackie's lifeless body, Natalie's words started haunting you. You threw her a look from the cabin doorway, but her eyes were fixed on the corpse. That was the third time you'd seen Nat look truly terrified â once when you kissed her, once when the plane crashed. And now this.
Something inside you shattered. Whatever little hope you still carried scattered like dust, and you stopped believing her when she whispered above your head at night, "It's going to be okay."
Jackie was dead. Winter had come. No help in sight. It was hell. And suddenly, you'd rather be back home enduring another screaming match with your parents than lying curled up beside Natalie.
And just when you thought this nightmare couldn't get any worse, one night you heard knocking. Coach limped frantically back into the dark cabin, panic written all over him. But Natalie wasn't with him. No one else was.
So naturally, you went to look for her.
Natalie, who at that exact moment was tearing into a strip of meatâripped from Jackie's leg.
Jackie, who not that long ago had helped you do your makeup for Doomcoming.
You vomited on the spot, even though there was nothing in your stomach to bring up. There hadn't been much food for days.
The next day, you found Natalie in pieces. Sitting in the snow, staring horrified at what was left of Jackie. And even though you had never cared about anyone more in your life â you couldn't bring yourself to comfort her. The words stuck in your throat.
You walked past her. Some grim compulsion driving you to see what was left of Jackie's skull.
"Waitâ" Natalie scrambled to her feet and followed you, like she was trying to stop you. Like she wanted to shield you from seeing the truth. You turned around and found you could barely meet her eyes.
"Tell me you didn't..."
Even though you'd seen it. Even though it was burned into your memory. Maybe it was just another sick dream.
"I'm so sorry," she whispered, trying to pull you into her arms. She was repulsed with herself. She looked like she might throw up right then and there. "I had to, okay? We're starvingâ"
"Jesus fucking Christ, Nat," you cut her off. "I'm starving too, and I haven't eaten a fucking corpse!"
After that, everything started to unravel. At least for Natalie.
The others noticed, but either didn't want another problem on their hands or just didn't know how to deal with it. They sent you looks, tried to reach out. But you never answered the way they hoped.
You simply couldn't take it anymore.
And the truth was: you began to vanish before their eyes. A little more each day. Natalie grew desperate.
You barely spoke. Not many people felt like talking anymore, but you â you only spoke when you absolutely had to. You refused meals. Maybe because the image of Jackie being devoured had made it impossible to eat. Or maybe because at some point, you just stopped wanting to live. Maybe you didn't care whether help came or not. What was the point of eating if you might end up like Jackie anyway?
You still did your chores. Quietly. Carefully. But your body was starting to betray you.
Natalie went feral.
You pulled away from her, and she couldn't stand it. She clung to you with everything she had, terrified of what would happen if you slipped away. She couldn't even imagine it. It would break her in ways she wouldn't recover from. She started hunting more. When she brought back a rabbit or two, you refused your portion.
She begged. Got on her knees. Pleaded with you to eat, just a little, because your wrists were getting dangerously thin. Because she could see every bone. Because your skin had turned ghost-pale, and sometimes you froze mid-movement â your body simply giving out.
You wouldn't even look at her. You scooted away on the cabin floor, just far enough that it felt like a knife in her chest. Natalie had only felt this broken once before â when her father died. Maybe that had been easier. His death was sudden, quick. This? This was slow. Cruel. She was watching you fade. Watching the life leave you, and she was powerless to stop it.
No begging helped. No touch. No voice.
The worst part was â you didn't want to live anymore. Your eyes were completely empty. And this time, not even Natalie could save you.
She was at the edge.
One day, you just drifted away.
Your legs gave out. Your body â worn thin from hunger, cold, and the never-ending fight to survive â simply stopped working. You were supposed to bring water back to the cabin that day. At some point, you just collapsed into the snow. Everything went black.
Like you were meant to share Jackie's fate.
When Natalie returned from the hunt and you weren't there, the air was already heavy with tension. She knew. Deep down, she knew something was wrong. And there was no fucking way she was letting you go.
Someone said something â Natalie snapped. Furious at all of them for letting you go out alone in that condition.
Eventually, someone found you.
Natalie nearly twisted her ankle tearing through the snow to reach you. The last time she ran that fast was during the game that got them into Nationals.
She refused. Refused to accept the idea that she might lose you. Decided the wilderness could go to hell this time, because she was not agreeing to this.
She dragged you back. Screamed at Misty, voice cracking between sobs, telling her to finally make herself useful and help.
She didn't leave your side. Not for a second. She watched for every breath, every twitch of your fingers while you lay unconscious. She skipped hunts. Obsessively checked that you were bundled in as many blankets as they had. You were still cold â but not as frozen as when she found you. You were still breathing. That was enough. Lottie could shove her wilderness truths in her ass, really.
Natalie stayed awake for nights. Slept in short, shallow bursts in case you opened your eyes. Her head had just dipped when she felt a sudden movement beside her â stronger than before. The fire crackled in the dark.
And finally, finally, your eyes opened.
"Hey," Natalie was by your side in an instant, on her knees. Her fingers gently brushed a lock of hair behind your ear. "You're safe, I promise." She clutched your hand, trying to warm it with hers, desperation bleeding through her voice. "I'm here. I'm right here. I'm never leaving you again, I swearâ"
She whispered in the dark until the words collapsed into silence. Then she pulled you into her arms. You didn't speak, but that didn't surprise her. What mattered was that you were alive. Natalie still had a chance to keep you breathing â and that was all that counted.
When you drifted off again â weak, after hours of being rocked gently in her arms, lulled by promises and shattered reassurances â Natalie made a decision. She would get food into you. Even if it meant forcing it.
But before she could figure out how to do that, they organized a hunt. You and Lottie were both too far gone to be aware of much. There was no time to plan.
The next thing you remembered was waking to find Natalie sitting beside you, just like always â except now she looked worse. Shaking. Her cheeks streaked with dried tears, her hair a mess. You furrowed your brows, trying to take in the scene.
Jackie's necklace was hanging from Natalie's neck.
You were about to ask what happened when she spoke first.
"Please," she whispered, voice hoarse and cracked.
Your gaze dropped to her hands â a bowl of warm meat cradled in her palms.
"Please," she repeated.
And this time â you agreed.
You trusted her. Didn't ask where the meat came from. Wanted to believe that maybe, somehow, she'd managed to catch something. That maybe things were turning.
Natalie felt the weight slip from her chest.
She helped you sit up, carefully propping you against her chest. Her hands trembled as she fed you, silently praying you wouldn't notice that Javi was nowhere to be seen in the cabin.
She hated lying to you. Hated it more than anything.
But the thought of losing you was way worse.
And you ate. You let her help. You accepted the food.
So Natalie told herself everything else could wait.
That night, she whispered it into your ear like a secret.
"I love you."
Natalie loved you so much that she could accept the possibility of you hating her, once you knew. As long as you were still alive.
#natalie scatorccio#natalie yellowjackets#natalie scatorccio x reader#natalie scatorccio x you#yellowjackets x you#my writing
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here's the thing about people getting upset when yet another celebrity man turns out to be a piece of shit, its not even that most people â¨idolized⨠this person or put them on a pedestal.
we just had come to think of them as a generally good fucking person. a decent fucking person. I don't think being decent is a high, impossible, unreachable standard that people should be chastised for expecting from someone they look up to, or even just enjoy.
maybe thats why i find those posts so annoying that come up every time another Thing⢠happens telling people they're stupid and parasocial for having hoped/believed someone was decent
and i dont think it makes you stupid to have hope that people are good
#just a thought#that i be having often these days#i think people should be allowed to be angry about people they like turning out to be shitty
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Lessons of Letting Go



Fem! Reader x P.SH
warnings: MDNI, "i can fix him" syndrome backfires, consensual underage sex, somnophilia, mentions of underage drinking, cheating, a quite heinous amount of fluff.Â
DON'T LIKE, DON'T READ
word count: 23.3kÂ
Playlist for whilst you read:
A Thousand Years - Christina Perri'
You are The Reason - Callum Scott
Paper Rings - Taylor Swift
Claire de Lune - Claude Debussy
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
"Get You" â Daniel Caesar ft. Kali Uchis
"Earned It" â The Weeknd
"Ribs" â Lorde
âTangerineâ â Glass Animals
"From the Dining Table" â Harry Styles
Chapter 1 of; Lessons Learned
The announcer's mic-amplified voice reverberated throughout the stadium as he revealed the scores of your opponent. Whilst she celebrated her relatively high score, clutching her fan-given plushie as she cheered with her coach, you fiddled with your fingers in an attempt to calm your anxious nerves. You were the last one to perform (thanks to your lucky hand when you pulled for the order of who performs), and all those before you exceeded each other's score each time, setting the standard higher and higher. And you were afraid you couldn't even just reach that same peak.
Your coach, Ivan saw your obvious discomfort, lending a firm and on your shoulder and shaking the bloody nerves off of you. "Calm down, will you? You've done months of training, just as much and maybe even more than your opps did. You'll put up a fight."
Ivan was a 29-year-old, Russian, ballet coach. He and your sister were classmates in college, and she just so happened to tell Ivan about your new little profound passion about ballet. You were only 9 at the time, but when Ivan saw that youthful spark of passion flare from your rusty arabesques, he jumped at the opportunity to shape your ember. Shape your talent into skill. And that, he did.
He streamlined your passion and made you into a decent dancer. Decent enough to win a couple regional-level competitions. Trophies of gold, silver, bronze from said competitions adorned your glass-encased achievement shelf. (Which your mom insisted to have built). Your parents were quite content with all your milestones, be it big or small. But you weren't. It pissed you off to no end that you couldn't go beyond the regionals.
One not-so-faithful day, on your last competition as a pre-junior, thoughts about how you have to win this consumed your better judgment. You couldn't focus at all. You kept throughout your entire routine, and it frustrated you to no end. And on the last Fouette that was supposed to be the cherry on top of your performance, your feet hit one another and leave you to come undone in a clumsy, crying mess.
With your heart feeling like it's caught up in your throat, you covered your tear-stained face and ran off stage right as your song ended. And so did your career. That competition had 9 finalists, and you ranked LAST. You couldn't even bare attending the awarding ceremony. You publicly embarrassed yourself out there, and especially now at your ripe pre-pubescent years, you knew your peers would be whispering among themselves about how dramatic you acted or how shitty your performance was. It was horrific. And just like that, what was once the spark that lit your dreary Mondays turned into to one of the most socially, emotionally, and mentally traumatic events of your life. So, in an attempt to cope with it, you pushed it away.
Anything related to dance, your old friends, Ivan. You wanted nothing to do with it anymore. You were already unraveling thread by thread, your fervent spark of ambition was being pulled away by the seemingly unreachable pinnacle, that is, the Nationals. Childish, or perhaps as arrogant as it may sound, you knew you had what it takes to get there, but your just somehow can't. And you don't know what's stopping you. You've blamed Ivan, for not teaching you enough, but you knew deep inside you wouldn't have gotten to the level you were at without him.
After coming to a consensus with your parents, they let you quit the team, and sent you to the studio to pick up your things while they handled the resignation letters. You were grateful they never pushed you to do anything. They saw that ballet became toxic for you and they didn't even hesitate to let you leave when you saw fit. Anyway, they drove into the studio's parking lot and headed for your head manager's office, in order to deal with the paperwork. It was nighttime now, so you presumed all of the others would have gone home.
So, you didn't expect to find him here. Ivan.
The studio was supposed to be empty. Late enough for the lights to be dimmed, the floor to be cold beneath your feet, the mirrors to stop echoing back the dancer you used to be. But there he was-Ivan-leaning against the far wall, arms crossed like he hadn't been waiting, but you both knew better.
You hesitated at the door, one foot still out in the hallway, as if you could still change your mind. As if walking away now would hurt less than what you were about to do.
"I'm done," you said.
Your voice didn't shake. It wasn't a declaration. It was just... a fact. Like gravity. Like something that had always been true, you just hadn't said it out loud yet.
Ivan didn't move. Not at first.
You didn't mean to say it like that.
But the words came out anyway, sharp and final.
"I'm done."
Your voice cracked a little, but you tried not to care. You didn't look at Ivan. You couldn't. If you did, you'd probably back down. You'd probably see that look on his face-that mix of confusion and disappointment-and swallow the words, like always. So you stared at the floor instead, at your busted old slippers with the frayed ribbons and the tiny bloodstain near the toe. You hated those shoes. And you loved them. And you hated that you loved them.
"You're quitting?" Ivan asked. His voice wasn't loud or angry-it was just quiet. Tired, maybe. Like he already knew.
You nodded, even though your hands were shaking.
"I can't do it anymore," you muttered. "I just... I don't want to."
That wasn't the truth. Not really. You did want to dance. You wanted it so bad your chest hurt. You wanted Nationals. You wanted the stage, the lights, the moment. But lately, it felt like the more you wanted it, the further it slipped from your hands.
Ivan didn't say anything at first, and that made it worse.
"I've been trying," you blurted. "I've been trying so hard. But it's like I'm stuck. Everyone's getting better and I'm just... here. Still making the same stupid mistakes. Still forgetting the same stupid counts. Still losing balance like a baby."
Your throat burned.
"I'm supposed to be good, right? That's what everyone says. 'You've got talent, you're a natural, you'll make it someday.' But what if they're wrong? What if I'm not enough?"
You finally looked at him. His arms were crossed, his jaw tight-but his eyes were soft. Too soft. You hated that.
"I thought you'd help me get there," you said, barely above a whisper. "I really did. But maybe you didn't teach me enough. Or maybe you thought I could figure it out on my own. But I couldn't. I can't."
Ivan stepped closer, but you took a step back.
"I'm twelve, Ivan," you said. "Twelve. I'm not supposed to feel like a failure already."
There was a silence after that-heavy, like the walls were pressing in. You wiped your nose on your sleeve, trying to be tough. Trying to not cry like a little kid. But everything was just... too much.
You thought he'd yell. Or say you were being dramatic. Or lecture you about dedication and drive and how quitting now would ruin everything.
But instead, he just looked at you, like he saw through all of it.
"You're not a failure," he said quietly.
You didn't answer. You didn't believe him.
Because right now? You didn't feel like a dancer. You just felt... small. And tired. And really, really lost.
He stood closer now, arms cautiously extended to his sides to offer a much-needed hug, which you've gladly accepted. You let yourself soak his leotard as you clung to him. "You've accomplished so many things-"
"Well I didn't accomplish enough! And I never will! Now that I blew my last pre-junior performance, I don't think people will take me seriously as a junior!"
He sighed and wrapped his arms around your shaking shoulders. "Would it be too soon for me to suggest figure skating?"
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Now, stood you in one of the biggest ice skating competitions of your time, regionals, once again. The nationals are just at arms-length, so you knew deep within yourself you couldn't afford to pass this up. You dare not waste the 3 years Ivan has spent building you back up, this time, on the ice. You've done well in the short program, all you had to worry about now was the free skate. No longer clad in those painful pointe shoes, those itchy tutus, no. You sported a fresh, tight yet comfy, baby blue leotard that helped in boosting you confidence, paired with your favorite pair of blades-gifted to you by your sister.
The familiar vowels of your name ware called, summoning you to the spotlight, and claim the stage (rink) as your own. Breathing in the mint-scented air deeply one more time, you stepped onto the ice and glided along the sides, plastering a genuine smile and greeting those who cheered for you. The deafening clamor of the crowd's applause breeched your ears, you almost missed the first few notes of your song. The audience definitely did, though, as it seemed their hoorahs only grew louder at the sound of your performance starting.
You began to dance your prepared choreography upon hearing the calming voice of your designated piece for today-Christina Perri's "A Thousand Years." A sweet song whose melody harmoniously matched your performance. Innocent, almost fragile, your jumps were on beat with the cadence of the guitar, cello, and piano instrumental.
It wasn't just the soft melody that resonated with your performance; it was the lyrics as well. The words, "I have died every day waiting for you," seemed to echo in your heart as your body glided effortlessly across the ice. It was as if each movement was a reflection of the years of dedication, the countless hours of practice, and the quiet, unspoken devotion to your craft. Every jump, every spin, felt like a pledge of love to the art of figure skating itself-timeless and unyielding.
As the song built into the chorus, "I will love you for a thousand more," you could almost feel the embrace of the ice beneath you. It reminded you of the unspoken bond between skater and ice-an eternal connection that exists beyond the fleeting moments of each performance. The melody wrapped itself around you like a gentle, yet powerful force, urging you to give everything, to pour your soul into every movement, just as the song's lyrics spoke of eternal love.
You've always loved this part of figure skating, the cold air and ice beneath you enveloping your body and soul in this tranquil trance that helped keep your mind at ease. It was never like this with ballet. All you could feel in ballet was the sweat that would always pool at your back at the tremendous pressure of the spotlight and stares that settled on you on that non air-conditioned stage. The fans were usually directed at the judges as if they were the ones breaking their bones just to properly execute a Cambre. You never felt like that with your new love.
Figure skating, much like love, is about vulnerability-about trusting your body to carry you through difficult lifts, delicate landings, and dizzying spins, even when the odds seem insurmountable. The lyrics of "A Thousand Years" aligned with the very essence of what you felt skating on the ice: a love that transcends time, a passion that refuses to be extinguished. It was not just a performance; it was a love letter to the sport, an expression of devotion and commitment. "I will love you for a thousand more," you whispered to yourself, feeling the music fill every corner of your soul.
With each passing note, you were no longer just performing; you were telling a story of love, loss, and hope-of pushing through adversity and continuing to glide forward, no matter the challenges. Every movement you made felt like a promise-just as the song promised eternal love, you promised to keep dancing, no matter how many years it took.
And with the instruments slowing down to halt, so did your performance, as you struck your final pose. You finally let out the breath you didn't even realize was being held in and opened your eyes. The flashes of the lights overhead flickered your gaze, making you squint a bit before bowing at the judges who bared the look of satisfaction, impressed expressions. White roses and Frolass plushies were littered across the ice, which the staff has helped with gathering them all. You strode over to one of said plushies and hugged it close to your chest, giving the audience one final wave and bow if gratitude before you made your way off the ice.
Once your blades came in contact with the floor, you couldn't even get the chance to put your guards on them since Ivan sprung up to you and gave you one of the most genuine hugs he's ever given. "I told you you'd do amazing." You reciprocated the hug and pulled back, "You think the judges liked it?" Ivan scoffed, "Are you kidding? They looked entranced the entire time you were up there." The both of you couldn't help the proud smiles from spreading on your faces.
He guided you back to your designated seat where they filmed your reaction upon hearing your score, and he gave you a bottle of water, wrapping a jacket around you when he saw you shiver. You didn't notice it when you were still performing, but your hands were shaking from the cold. Well, you thought it was shaking just from nervousness. Not too long after, your family approached with proud smiles plastered on their familiar faces, already congratulating you with strings of praises regarding your performance.
A little girl passed by you, not too old-probably about five years younger than you. She was cheerful, skipping a little with each step as she clutched the hand of who you presumed was her grandmother. A middle-aged couple trailed behind, and next to them, a boy just slightly older than the girl, dressed in a striking figure skating outfit, clearly waiting for his turn on the ice.
Your heart warmed at the sight-there was something so pure about the quiet excitement of a supportive family. But then your gaze caught something else: a small red stain spreading across the girl's light shorts. You immediately recognized it. The judges take a while tocalculate the scores, so you decided to act on it.
You didn't think twice. You grabbed a pad from your bag, hid it under your jacket, and hurried towards her. Approaching gently, you quickly wrapped your jacket around her waist, discreetly slipping the pad into her pocket. Startled, the little girl stumbled back slightly, and her family froze, giving you confused, wary looks. You offered a small, apologetic smile, speaking in a hushed whisper, "I'm sorry to interrupt, but... she seems to have bled through."
The mother gasped softly, lifting the jacket to check-and sure enough, the growing stain was there. "Oh, dear," she murmured, her face melting into maternal concern. You gestured subtly to the pocket. "I slipped a pad in there... in case you need it." The mother quickly mouthed a "thank you" before hurrying the girl toward the restroom, the father and the boy following right after. You smiled to yourself, relieved to have helped, and turned to make your way back to the seating area where your parents were waiting-your performance long done, the adrenaline still buzzing faintly in your veins.
But a voice stopped you. "My, my," the grandmother called out warmly, making her way over. "You're not just a pretty girl-you've got a beautiful heart too!" You flushed, laughing shyly. "It was really nothing, ma'am. I know how embarrassing it can feel..." The grandmother nodded sagely, folding her arms over her chest. "Takes one who's been through it to understand. Kindness like that is rare, you know."
You smiled at her, a little bashful, but grateful too. Her gaze lingered on you a moment longer, her lips quirking mischievously. Then, leaning a little closer, she asked in a whisper, "Tell me, sweetheart... you're single, aren't you?" You blinked, caught completely off guard. "Um... y-yeah, I am." "Perfect!" she chirped, clapping her hands once with delight. She shuffled aside with a flourish-and only then did you notice that someone had been standing awkwardly right beside you this whole time.
The boy from earlier, the one in the figure skating costume. You had noticed him earlier when the men were called to warm up. His costume was a somewhat baggy blouse that faded from clear white into a very vivid and deep blue. It was a bit similar to yours, though much darker, it had the same ombre effect.
His head snapped up to meet your gaze at the same time you looked at him, both of you freezing like deer caught in headlights. "This here's my grandson," the grandma said proudly, patting Sunghoon's shoulder. "He's about to perform, actually. Talented, polite, good-looking-what more could you ask for, huh?" You stared, the realization hitting you a second too late. Sunghoon was stunning up close, even more so than you'd noticed before. His cheeks tinted the faintest shade of pink as he gave you a tiny, sheepish smile.
"I-uh, I'm Sunghoon," he said, voice soft but clear. He gave a small, polite bow despite the obvious embarrassment pooling around him. You managed to smile back, flustered but charmed, as you introduced yourself. "I, uh, already performed. You're up next, right?"
"Yeah," he chuckled, scratching the back of his neck. "Kinda hard to focus after that whole thing, but... thanks for helping my sister." His voice was earnest, sincere, and you felt the knot of nerves slowly unspool in your chest. "It was nothing," you said, laughing lightly. "Good luck out there." The grandmother beamed between the two of you, her matchmaking spirit practically radiating. "Maybe you can stay and watch him perform?" she suggested sweetly, not even trying to hide her intentions.
You met Sunghoon's shy, hopeful gaze-and found yourself nodding before you could even think twice. "I'd love to. Is he up next?" The grandmother shook her head, "Only two more boys and then it's his turn. Won't you stay until then?" You were about to nod when you heard your dad call out your name, calling you over to them since you score was about to be announced. In a haste, you excused yourself with the promise of coming back.
Your heart thrummed violently in your chest, Sunghoon long forgotten as your mind was swallowed whole by endless insecurities and what-ifs. What if it wasn't enough? What if you fell short again? Your hands trembled as your family wrapped you into a tight, protective hug, excitement buzzing around you like static in the air.
The announcer's voice finally crackled over the speakers, slicing cleanly through the tension. "For our final competitor in the Junior Women's division-"The world seemed to slow to a crawl. "A free skate score of 117.48 points! You felt your breath catch, stuck halfway between a gasp and a prayer. "Added to her short program score of 72.36, that brings her total to 189.84 points-" A heartbeat. Another. "-securing first place!"
Your family's cheers burst into the air around you, your sister practically shaking you in her arms. You stood frozen for a second, as if the words hadn't quite registered, before the realization slammed into you all at once.
You had won.
You had won.
Cheers erupted around you, and you felt your heart soar, your dad lifted you in the air. The moment felt so surreal. Years of hard work and you've finally got what you wanted. All in an instant, it felt like a fever dream. One second you were being introduced to some cute guy, and you were a winner in the next. It's all happening so fast you couldn't believe it. It only took one look at Ivan's tear-stained face to have you let the waterworks loose too. Adrenaline and bliss thrummed throughout your veins as he spun you around. Amidst all the chaos, your eyes met Sunghoon's, who was looking at you with genuine astonishment.
Somewhere in the stands, you could faintly make out Sunghoon's family cheering too, his little sister jumping and pointing excitedly.
But right now, it was just you and the thundering beat of your heart, drowning in a tide of relief, disbelief, and a wild, soaring kind of joy you hadn't felt in years.
When he noticed your gaze on him, he hastily looked away. His mom and sister were back though, and they were looking over your noisy, still celebrating huddle as well. His mom looked over to the grandma for an explanation, which she gave. After being hauled around by your family taking pictures of you, you finally sought the chance to excuse yourself and do good on your promise to watch Sunghoon's performance earlier. Of course, your sister didn't miss the chance to tease you about it. And neither did your dad.
"Ooh, meeting boys already? Our little champion's all grown up," your dad teased, nudging you playfully with his elbow.You groaned, hiding your face in your hands. "It's not like that," you mumbled, but the heat rising to your cheeks betrayed you. Your sister gasped dramatically, clutching her chest. "Not yet like that, you mean." Your mom chuckled from behind the camera she was still holding. "Let her be. She's earned a little attention after today."
Ivan, who had been listening nearby, chimed in with a mischievous glint in his eye. "Just don't forget about us once you're famous and running off with handsome boys." That sent your whole family into another fit of laughter, and you swatted at the air in front of you, trying to escape. "I'm just going to watch his performance!" you insisted, voice climbing with exasperation. "Like I promised!" "Right, right," your dad said, exaggeratedly wiping a fake tear from his eye. "First it's watching performances... next thing you know, wedding invitations!"
"Dad!" you whined, your face burning hotter than ever. Your sister winked at you, clearly enjoying every second. "Go get 'em, champ." You shook your head, laughing despite yourself as you turned away, feeling their teasing gazes follow you all the way across the gym. Sunghoon's family beamed as they congratulated you on your win
"I knew your performance was something special. Sunghoon-oppa here couldn't take his eyes off you earlier-" Yeji, the girl you helped earlier, said brightly, but she barely got the words out before Sunghoon clamped a hand over her mouth, face turning an adorable shade of red. "Yeji!" he hissed in a hushed yell, his voice dripping with embarrassment. His nervous chuckle made their parents laugh, the sound light and teasing.
Sunghoon's mom smiled warmly at you, a fondness in her eyes as she looked between you and her son. "I hope Sunghoon gets into the nationals too," she said, voice gentle. "It'd be nice if the both of you won, right?" "It'd be the perfect excuse for a date," his grandma added mischievously, her tone playful enough to make Sunghoon visibly shrink into himself. "Halmeoni!" he groaned, dragging his hand down his face. You couldn't help the laugh that bubbled out of you, nerves and flattery mixing into something light and giddy.
"It's okay," you said, smiling shyly at them all. "I think... just competing together would already be really special." Sunghoon peeked at you through his fingers, and when he caught your eye, he smiled too - small, genuine, a little shy around the edges. Yeji, now free from his hand, beamed. "You have to teach me how to be that cool when I compete!" Sunghoon's dad chuckled and asked, "How long have you been skating, if you don't mind me asking?"
You shifted your weight, thinking back. "Um... technically, not that long," you admitted. "I used to do ballet, actually, until about three years ago." "Really?" Sunghoon's mom perked up with interest. "Yeah," you nodded, a little sheepishly. "I kept trying to qualify for the ballet regionals, but... I never really made it past the preliminaries. I guess after a few years of that, I just felt like maybe my heart wasn't in it anymore. Skating kind of... gave me a second chance at something I really loved."
"You must have worked really hard," Sunghoon's dad said, sounding genuinely impressed. "I still have a long way to go," you said quickly, laughing a little. "But it feels different this time. Like... even when I lose sometimes, I want to keep trying." Sunghoon, quiet until now, spoke up, his voice softer, thoughtful. "That's really cool. I mean it." You looked over and found him smiling at you again - properly this time, without hiding - and the way his eyes crinkled just slightly at the corners made your heart skip.
"You're already amazing," Yeji chimed in enthusiastically, tugging at your sleeve like you were an old friend. "I'm gonna cheer for you both at nationals!" Sunghoon's grandma patted your shoulder warmly. "You're part of the family cheering squad now too, dear. You better get used to it." Everyone laughed, including you, and for a moment, standing there with them, you felt something settle in your chest - a sense of belonging, easy and bright.
A few minutes later, Sunghoon was finally called down for his performance.
(Refer to this performance of hoonie if you want any visual aid lmao. for the sake of the plot, however, we are gonna ignore his actual rank in the video--- p.s. he did amazing here in this performance. ANOTHER P.S., this fanfic isn't too accurate on the times of hoonie's performances but alas, I am too lazy to redo it)
You hadn't expected to find yourself sitting here, bundled up among strangers who somehow already felt like family. After helping Sunghoon's little sister earlier, his family had insisted-no, insisted-you join them to watch his free skate. And you, still a little flustered and embarrassed, had agreed. Now here you were, heart thudding in your chest, watching the boy you'd only just met take the ice.
The lights dimmed slightly, and the familiar opening notes of the music drifted through the rink. It was a bright, soaring melody, full of lightness and energy-and somehow, it fit him perfectly. You leaned forward without meaning to, your breath catching as Sunghoon pushed off into his first glide.
Each movement was smooth, effortless, like water finding its path. His blades cut clean lines across the ice, turning with a precision that could only come from endless hours of practice, yet he made it look so natural, so easy. You couldn't tear your eyes away. His jumps were light, airy, as though gravity itself hesitated to pull him back down.
He was-
Beautiful.
Beside you, Sunghoon's little sister tugged your sleeve excitedly.
"Isn't he cool?" she whispered, her voice bubbling with pride.
You nodded quickly, a small, breathless laugh escaping. "He's amazing. He moves like... like the music was made just for him."
You turned your gaze back to the ice just in time to catch Sunghoon launching into a jump-a perfect triple. He landed so cleanly you barely heard the blade hit the ice. The melody picked up, playful and bright, and Sunghoon matched it effortlessly, his movements light and joyful without ever losing the grace that came so naturally to him.
His mom smiled at that, her eyes warm.
"He's always been good at feeling the music," she said softly. "Even when he was just a little boy. We'd put on anything, and he'd just start skating around the living room, pretending it was a rink."
"He makes it look easy," you murmured without thinking.
You ducked your head quickly, face burning, but couldn't help smiling.
Sunghoon's dad chuckled warmly.
"That's the trick. He's spent years making it look that way."
His grandma leaned in closer, her voice teasing.
"Maybe he's showing off a little more today, hm? After all... there's someone new in the crowd."
The music swelled into its chorus, and Sunghoon moved with it as if his body had been designed to echo the sound. Every turn, every extension of his arms felt right, like he wasn't just skating to the melody, but was the melody. You could feel his energy even from here-the quiet determination, the bursts of joy, the fierce concentration beneath it all.
The music softened into its final notes, and you turned back just in time to see Sunghoon finish with a quiet flourish, one knee touching the ice, head bowed. For a moment, the rink was silent except for the soft scrape of his blades slowing to a stop. Then applause erupted-and you were on your feet before you even realized it, clapping hard enough that your palms stung. Around you, his family cheered and whooped, but your eyes stayed locked on him.
Sunghoon straightened slowly, lifting his gaze toward the stands-and for a brief, dizzying second, it felt like he looked straight at you. Your heart somersaulted, your hands still clapping even as you forgot how to breathe. It was the kind of performance that made you fall in love with skating all over again. And maybe-just maybe-with the boy who made it look like flying.
He finally glided off the ice, going to the same seat where you were earlier. The 2 other boys who went before him gained a relatively high score, but you knew from the masterpiece you were just blessed with, he had a huge chance to win. Actually, you were praying on it. If he really did get to win, the two of you would get to go to the nationals together. You watched from afar as he heaved. All those jumps must have rendered him exhausted.
His family began to head to him, so they can check in, with you in tow. Though, it was still going to be a while before his score gets announced so you knew you had time. You passed by your family and quickly introduced them to one another first, just to get them acquainted and to let them know who you were walking with. Of course, praises for Sunghoon erupted from them as well. You've just come to terms with your attraction for the boy but it seems like he's already won the favor of your immediate family. Including Ivan.
Your seats were near the "hot seat" as you would call it, so you opted to just have the Parks sit next to your family, that way they'd be close to Sunghoon without having to stand the entire waiting time while the judges evaluated. After what felt like an eternity, the commentators finally revealed his score.
The announcer's voice crackled through the speakers, snapping you out of your daze. Everyone around you leaned forward instinctively, waiting for the numbers to flash onto the giant screen. You found yourself holding your breath without even meaning to.
"And now, Park Sunghoon's score for the free skate..."
The screen flickered, and then the numbers appeared in bold, glowing print.
"He receives 154.26 points for his free skate-"
There was a small gasp around you-his family clutching each other's arms in excitement, his little sister nearly bouncing out of her seat.
"...for a combined total of 233.75 points!"
Your hands flew up to your mouth, hiding the huge grin breaking across your face.
"Oh my god," you whispered, half laughing, half breathless.
"He did it!" his sister squealed, grabbing your sleeve and shaking it.
Sunghoon's dad let out a booming laugh, clapping his hands together.
"That's our boy!" he said proudly, his voice thick with emotion.
You could hardly take your eyes off Sunghoon, who was smiling on the monitor, bowing politely before flashing a quick, bashful grin at the camera. He looked overwhelmed, relieved, proud-and somehow still so humble despite the incredible score. Leaning closer, Sunghoon's grandma teased in a low whisper, "Better start practicing how to answer interview questions. They're gonna be calling him a national treasure soon."
His mom brushed away a tear with a soft chuckle.
"He worked so hard for this. He deserves every point."
And somewhere deep inside, a small, secret wish stirred:
You laughed, heart thudding with pride that felt far too big for someone you had only just met. But somehow, it didn't feel strange at all. Watching him stand there, practically glowing under the spotlight-you were just... happy. And honored.
Happy to have witnessed it.
Honored to be part of it, even in this tiny way.
Maybe this wasn't the last time you'd be cheering for Park Sunghoon.
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The trip to another country was nice. New, but nice. Especially when a really cute guy (who is your boyfriend now) is sat next to you the entire plane ride with his head perched on your shoulder. To say you felt excited was a total understatement. You were fucking estatic. You bagged first place AND a total cutie? Honestly, the plane could have crashed but you still would have had a smile on your face.
Anyway, it's been 4 months since the regionals, during that time, Ivan and Sunghoon's coach arranged multiple joint training sessions among the two of you, the rationale being that both of you were representing the country anyway, so might as well see and know each other's routines. Maybe even help each other out and develop into partners.
And that's exactly what happened.
Every few days when your parents came to pick you up from the rink, his family would invite yours to their house to have dinner and vice versa. Everyone got acquainted quickly, and so did you and Sunghoon. Two months into practice, he told you to dismiss your parents from picking you up that day. Reason why? He wanted to walk you home. You still remember every detail from that walk so vividly.
The air was crisp, and the leaves were a cool shade of orange, since it was already fall. You're beginning to get the impression that Sunghoon had a very particular reason why he seemed hellbent on taking you home today. At first, you thought it was just because he was tired of being constantly teased and pressured both his parents and yours to get together with you, but the more you observed him that day, the more you realized he looked like he had something he wanted to say. His mouth kept opening and sharply sucking in a breath, as if he were preparing to give a speech, but alas, no words came out of his mouth.
It was a habit of his. A shy, timid boy who only gets loud with his sister. He was a man of a few words. Always twiddling with his thumbs, back slouched. Clearly not too confident in himself. You noticed this from the very first time you met, all the way back at the regionals' free skate. Whilst all the other participants flaunted even during just their warm-up with the stance and expression of confidence, he prepared meekly.
You always wondered why he was like this. To you, he has every right to parade himself, albeit you're glad he doesn't. He has the looks and talent, yet he seems to be so insecure. Opting to let someone else do the talking for him, in fear of being judged for something he'd say wrong. You wanted to change that. Help him get out of his shell and realize that he's fucking beautiful. That he has nothing to be afraid of.
You've only over seen him at ease sporadically; when he's with Yeji, when he's alone, and when he's on the ice. If only he could come to grasp how ethereal he looks when he's in his element. When he's not constantly thinking about what others have to say about him. You thought this way too, back when you were still in ballet, and it was NOT a healthy mindset. You learned that letting go of other peoples' hearsay was the key to living a happy life, ESPECIALLY as a teenager. As the saying goes; Ignorance is bliss.
As you finally got your spatial awareness back, you noticed you were already in your neighborhood. And you must admit, your curiosity of what Sunghoon wants to say was gnawing at you, since your time together for the was already close to being cut short. Looking over to the boy, he met your eyes, since he's been looking at you the entire walk, looking for a good opening to start his spiel. His head immediately turned upon being caught staring, stammering a small "sorry" as his ears flushed a nice hue of pink.
You stopped in your tracks, your gaze fixed on him with a hint of curiosity and suspicion. His flustered expression, the way he kept stealing glances at you-was it possible? Could he actually like you, too? Your thoughts began to race, but before you could process anything further, Sunghoon froze, his eyes widening slightly as he realized you weren't walking beside him anymore.
He slowly turned around, face now a deep shade of pink, and stammered, "I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-" He trailed off, his voice faltering as he tried to form an excuse.
You raised an eyebrow, crossing your arms loosely in front of your chest, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips. "Sunghoon," you started, your voice playful yet laced with an edge of curiosity. "We've been walking for so long now. And I know you want to say something. So... just say it already."
Sunghoon shifted uncomfortably, his gaze flickering to the ground before he let out a nervous laugh. "I-uh," he began, trailing off again. The usual habit of his, always hesitant, always careful with his words, was in full force. You could see the way his fingers fidgeted at his sides, like he was gathering the courage to speak but wasn't quite sure how.
You took a step closer to him, giving him a reassuring smile. "Sunghoon, you don't have to be nervous around me. Just tell me what's on your mind."
For a moment, he looked at you, as if weighing the decision, before his mouth opened again. This time, the words came out in a rush, his voice barely above a whisper. "I-" He hesitated, then met your gaze directly, his eyes serious now, "I've been thinking about this... about you, actually." He took another breath, his voice trembling slightly, "I think... I think I might like you."
Your heart skipped a beat. The words hit you like a wave, pulling you under before you could take another breath. Sunghoon. Sunghoon was telling you that he liked you. Of all the things you thought might happen on this walk, that was the last thing on your mind.
You blinked in surprise, struggling to catch up to the moment. He... he liked you? You had always thought he was special, that there was something about him that set him apart from everyone else. But the thought that he might see you the same way? That was something else entirely.
"Really?" You managed, your voice softer now, as if you were trying to wrap your head around it. "You... like me?"
Sunghoon's face turned an even deeper shade of pink, his hands fumbling nervously with the straps of his backpack. "Yeah," he whispered, looking away, almost as if he were trying to make himself smaller, hiding behind the words that now seemed to weigh heavily on his shoulders. "I know it sounds sudden, and I-I didn't want to say anything at first. But... every time I see you, every time we talk, it just feels like I'm supposed to tell you. Like... like it's the right thing to do."
Your heart was racing, but you could feel your own body relaxing in response to his words. Something about the rawness in his voice made everything around you seem quieter, softer. For the first time, you realized that Sunghoon wasn't just the shy, awkward guy you always saw in practice-he was someone who, despite his quiet demeanor, felt things deeply. And he was letting you in.
You took a few steps closer to him, so close that you could almost feel the warmth of his nervous energy. "You don't have to apologize, Sunghoon," you said gently, placing a hand on his arm. "It's not sudden. And it's not wrong to feel this way. But I-" You hesitated, suddenly unsure of how to say what was on your mind, "I'm glad you're telling me."
Sunghoon looked at you now, his eyes wide, like he couldn't believe what he had just confessed. You smiled at him, a soft, comforting smile, letting him know you weren't judging him. "You don't have to hide anymore," you continued, your voice calm and steady, "You've got nothing to be afraid of."
His gaze dropped again, a nervous laugh escaping his lips. "I'm just... not good at this kind of thing," he admitted, his voice quieter now. "I've never been good at expressing myself. I guess I was always worried about saying the wrong thing, or not being enough." He paused, biting his lip. "But when I'm with you, it's different. I don't feel like I have to hide. Even if I mess up, you're just... you're just there, listening. And I've never felt that before."
You couldn't help but soften at his words, feeling a warmth spread through you. It was clear now-Sunghoon wasn't just shy because he was uncertain about his feelings for you. He was shy because, deep down, he didn't believe he deserved someone who saw him the way you did.
You moved even closer, until you were standing right in front of him, close enough to reach out and touch him. Your voice dropped to a whisper, as if you were sharing something deeply personal. "Sunghoon, you don't need to worry about not being enough. You are enough. You're more than enough. And you deserve someone who sees you for exactly who you are, without any fear of being judged. I like you. I've liked you for a while now, actually."
Sunghoon's eyes widened, his lips parting in shock, as if he couldn't believe what you were saying. His hands dropped to his sides, his shoulders relaxing in a way that was almost imperceptible, but to you, it felt like he was finally letting go of a burden he'd been carrying for so long. "You... like me?" he repeated, his voice barely audible.
You smiled softly, your fingers brushing against his arm gently. "Yeah," you said, "I like you. And I think you're incredible just the way you are. You don't need to be anything else. You've got everything it takes to be amazing, Sunghoon."
For a moment, the two of you stood there in silence, the only sound being the soft rustling of the fall leaves in the wind. Sunghoon's face softened as he looked at you, the faintest smile tugging at the corner of his lips. He looked like he had just heard the most beautiful thing in the world, something he had been longing to hear for a long time.
"Thank you," he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. "Thank you for seeing me. I-I've always been so scared of what others might think, but with you... with you, it's different." He took a step closer to you, his voice barely above a breath. "You make me feel... okay. Like I'm not broken. Like I'm not something to hide."
You reached out, your fingers brushing his in a quiet, intimate gesture. "You're not broken, Sunghoon. You never were."
The moment stretched on, and for the first time, you could feel the weight that had been pressing on both of you begin to lift. The air between you felt lighter now, warmer. And in that quiet, fall evening, surrounded by the golden leaves, you realized something: this wasn't just a confession-it was the beginning of something new. Something both of you were ready for.
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The plane touches down in Hong Kong with a gentle jolt, and the air shifts in an instant. After four hours in the sky, you finally step foot on the ground of this bustling city. Your heart is pounding in your chest, a mix of excitement and nervousness flooding your veins. The competition is finally here, and you're about to face it head-on, but the thought of being here, so far from home, feels surreal.
Sunghoon is right there beside you as the plane's doors open, both of you standing in the crowded terminal. He's been with you this entire time, and the fact that he's not just here as your boyfriend but also as a competitor, somehow makes everything easier. The initial shock of being in a new city fades when you look at him, his familiar warmth grounding you.
He notices the way your eyes are scanning the chaos of the airport, and he nudges you gently with his elbow. "Hey, are you okay?" His voice is soft, concern lacing each word, and you give him a reassuring smile. "I'm fine," you reply, trying to mask the flutter in your stomach. "Just... this is a lot."
"I know," he says, brushing a stray lock of hair behind your ear, a gentle touch that makes your heart skip. "But you've got this. I'm right here." You nod, grateful for his support. The nerves don't completely disappear, but they're definitely easier to manage with him here. As you both make your way through the airport, Sunghoon's hand slips into yours, his fingers intertwining with yours in that comfortable, familiar way that makes you feel like you can face anything. The anxiety that's been gnawing at you slowly starts to lift with each step.
Then, from behind you, Ivan's voice cuts through the moment. "Oh, look at that," he teases, his voice dripping with playful sarcasm. "A couple of lovebirds, huh? Are we in Hong Kong for the competition or just here for a vacation?" His grin is all teasing, but there's a warmth in his eyes that tells you he's genuinely happy for you both.
Sunghoon rolls his eyes but grins nonetheless. "We're here to compete, Ivan, not go on a honeymoon." You grinned at his snide, lately, he's been able to joke and talk a lot more freely. It enlightened you, seeing him slowly breaking free of his laid-back inhibitions. Ivan raises an eyebrow, a smirk on his face. "Sure, sure. Whatever helps you focus. You two are the definition of 'couple goals.'"
You glance over at Sunghoon, who's already laughing, the lighthearted moment easing the tension even more. It's good to know that even though Ivan likes to tease, he's just as invested in you both succeeding here. But what catches your attention is Sunghoon's coach, who has been silently observing from the sidelines. He quietly chuckles to himself, shaking his head as if amused by the light banter between you and Ivan, but he doesn't speak. His quiet laughter is a soft reassurance, like he's acknowledging the bond you share with Sunghoon without saying a word.
As Ivan continues his teasing, you lean into Sunghoon, your heart a little lighter. "You know," you start, voice playful, "if you keep getting teased like this, you'll never focus on the competition." "Don't worry," Sunghoon says, his voice filled with warmth. "I'm always focused when you're around." He gives you that smile-the one that always makes your heart race-and you can't help but grin back.
"Let's just focus on winning this competition first, then we can talk about being 'couple goals' after, yeah?" you say with a wink, nudging him back. He chuckles, pulling you closer, his arm casually resting around your shoulders as you walk out of the airport. "Deal. But, for the record, I'll be cheering the loudest for you." And just like that, the nervousness fades completely. With Sunghoon by your side, there's nothing you can't handle.
The competition isn't until tomorrow afternoon, because Ivan wanted to get here early, for the sole purpose of having time to explore around first. So, after the four of you went and left your luggage at the hotel you were accommodated to, the coaches let you two roam around the city (whereas they stayed behind the two of you just a few meters distant).
The narrow streets of Hong Kong bustled around you, neon signs glowing overhead as a soft drizzle misted the air. You clutched your umbrella tighter while Sunghoon adjusted the strap of his backpack, glancing over his shoulder to make sure your coaches weren't too close behind. "They're literally stalking us," he whispered, flashing you an exaggerated look of horror.
You stifled a laugh. "They're just... protective," you said, watching your coaches pretend to examine a street vendor's wares while clearly keeping one eye on you both. Sunghoon leaned closer, his breath warm against your ear. "Protective is checking in by text. This? This is tactical surveillance." You bit your lip to hold in a laugh. "At least they're letting us walk alone," you teased. "For now." He nudged you playfully with his shoulder. "Race you to the next corner before they put us on a leash."
"You're on," you grinned, and with a sudden burst, you darted forward. Sunghoon chased after you, laughing, both of you slipping between the crowds with your coaches shouting "Be careful!" somewhere behind. When you stopped, breathless and grinning under the flickering lights of a side street, he caught your hand without thinking. "You're crazy," he said, eyes sparkling. "You love it," you teased back.
He opened his mouth like he was going to deny it, but then just shook his head, smiling. "Yeah. I do." His fingers squeezed yours. For a second, the noise of the city faded. It was just you, him, and the thundering of your heart before tomorrow's big day. "You ready?" he asked softly. "For tomorrow?" You hesitated, but his gaze was steady, grounding you.
"I think... with you here, I am," you said. He tucked a strand of your hair behind your ear, looking a little bashful even as he did it. "Win or lose, you're already everything I admire." Before you could say anything, Ivan's voice rang out, startling you both. "Sunghoon! Five-minute break's over! Stretch time!"
You groaned, and Sunghoon laughed helplessly. "See? Tactical." As you made your way back toward the watchful eyes of your coaches, he whispered, "After you win, real date. No chaperones. Promise." You squeezed his hand once before letting go, feeling the silent vow linger between you. You would win tomorrow.
And Sunghoon would be waiting at the finish line.
After checking out this homey little restaurant, the 4 of you went back to your joint hotel room. The place you guys opted for was a bit expensive and fancy, so your coaches decided to just share the deluxe family room. It was beautiful there. 4 single beds, an adorable dining set just a few feet away from the beds, a fridge filled with complimentary snacks, a big ass bathroom, and a cute balcony that gave you a good view of the city.
"Whew, I am drained! You two shouldn't have run around earlier, you better not get sore right before the competition!" Ivan scolded, dramatically jumping into his bed with an exasperated groan. "Geez, we aren't old, Ivan, we don't get cramps as easily as you do." Sunghoon snickered as his coach feigned offense. Ivan could only roll his eyes at your mock, "Okay, okay. But on a serious note, you kids should rest up. Tomorrow's the big day."
You dismissed him with a nod, peering into the fridge and investigating it's contents. Oh! "Sunghoon-ah! There are some tiramisu bites here!" His eyes lit up upon the mention of his favorite dessert, "Really? No way!" He was already sticking his head into the fridge, hands already grabbing a piece, making you giggle at his eagerness. "You really like that stuff huh?" You say as you grab a piece of your own and some cheese flavored chips you bought from the convenience store earlier.
Oddly enough, the air-conditioner was positioned on the floor, right below his bed. He sat down right in front of it to refrain from sweating too much, after all, the weather here in Hong Kong is more humid than what you were used to in Korea. You settled down next to him, tearing both packets of the tiramisu and the chips, switching bites from the two snacks to avoid getting sick of the other one immediately.
The night had fallen silent, the usual hum of the city lost to the thick walls of the hotel room. The soft glow from the bedside lamp illuminated both of you as you sat on the edge of the bed, your legs crossed beneath you, staring at the floor. Sunghoon was quiet, his hands resting in his lap, fingers occasionally fidgeting with the fabric of his pants. The weight of his silence seemed to hang in the air, and it wasn't the usual comfortable quiet between the two of you. No, this was different.
You could feel his thoughts racing, the burden of something he was holding back. It wasn't like Sunghoon to be so closed off. Usually, he was the one who could make light of any situation, flashing that radiant smile that made everything feel easier. But tonight, he was distant. Something about the pressure of the competition seemed to have cracked open a part of him that he hadn't shared with anyone.
Finally, after a long pause, his voice broke the silence. It was softer than usual, quieter, almost as if the words themselves were hesitant to leave his mouth.
"You know," he started, his eyes focused on the floor as if searching for the right words. "When I first started skating, I was one of the only boys who joined. The rink was mostly filled with older girls. They were so... well, they were so different from me." He paused, his hand slowly brushing over his face, as if trying to erase the memories that were starting to resurface. "I was just a kid, and they... they never included me in their conversations. I'd watch them huddle in groups, laughing and talking about things I didn't understand. And I just... I stood there, feeling so out of place. I guess I just wasn't one of them."
There was a certain vulnerability in his voice that you hadn't heard before, a crack in his usual confidence. He didn't seem like the Sunghoon you knew, the one who walked through life with an easy smile and a confidence that could light up the room. This was something deeper. You could feel his pain in the quiet between his words.
"It wasn't just the silence," he continued, his voice growing even quieter. "They would snicker, and I could hear them whispering when I wasn't looking. 'What's he doing here?' 'He'll never make it.' I think... I think that's why I started closing myself off. I just didn't want to be the odd one out anymore. I didn't want to feel that way ever again."
You could see the sadness in his eyes now, something raw and unspoken that he was only just revealing to you. Sunghoon had always been a bit of a mystery when it came to his past, but this moment, this quiet honesty, was unlike anything you'd expected. He had always been strong, but this was his vulnerability - the part of him that had been shaped by those years of feeling alone.
For a brief moment, the room was still. You could feel your heart tugging for him, understanding more than ever why he had become so introverted over the years. The isolation, the judgment, the teasing - it was all still there, lurking in the back of his mind. But he wasn't just the shy, quiet boy anymore. He was Sunghoon - strong, talented, and capable of so much more than he realized.
"You know," you began, your voice steady, but your gaze filled with empathy, "none of that matters anymore. Fuck those girls, Sunghoon." Your words were sharp, but they were laced with all the conviction you could muster. "Don't mind what anyone has to say about you. They didn't know you. They didn't see the real you."
You shifted closer to him, placing a hand gently on his arm, meeting his gaze with nothing but honesty. "You're perfect just the way you are. You're more than enough. And if they couldn't see that, then that's on them. It has nothing to do with you. You're here, you've worked so hard to get here, and you're going to keep getting better. Don't let their judgment stick with you."
For a long moment, Sunghoon remained still, absorbing your words. His gaze softened as he looked at you, a quiet breath escaping his lips as though the weight of his past had been momentarily lifted.
"You're right," he said quietly, his voice barely a whisper. "It's just hard to forget sometimes. You know, when you've been carrying something like that for so long..." You gave him a gentle smile, squeezing his arm reassuringly. "I get it. But you're not carrying it alone anymore. Not with me. You never have to carry it alone."
Sunghoon's lips curled into a small, appreciative smile, his eyes glistening a bit, though he quickly blinked it away. The distance between you two had closed in that moment, a bond forged not just through words but through understanding. He may have been scarred by his past, but he was no longer alone in facing it.
And for the first time in a long while, Sunghoon allowed himself to believe it. To believe in the people who truly saw him - not as the shy, isolated kid on the ice, but as the incredible person he had become. The person who deserved every bit of happiness and success that was waiting for him.
There, the both of you collapsed into laughter as you shared embarrassing stories with one another, wiping some of the tiramisu's cream on each other's noses and cheeks, and basically just cuddling with one another. You didn't even notice that your hands were intertwined with one another, but when you did, your eyes snapped to his. He was looking at you once again, this time with that beautiful smile of his etched onto his face.
The hum of the air-conditioner filled the small hotel room, a low, steady noise that somehow made everything feel even quieter between you two. You sat side by side on the floor, your knees brushing lightly now and then, switching bites between the tiramisu and the chips, laughter still lingering from earlier. Every so often, you'd catch Sunghoon sneaking glances at you - not the playful, teasing ones he usually threw your way, but something softer, something that made your heart stutter in your chest.
A smear of cream clung stubbornly to the corner of his mouth. "Hold still," you murmured, leaning closer without thinking. You wiped it away with your thumb, only realizing how near you were when you felt his breath against your skin, warm despite the cool blast of the air-con. His hand instinctively found yours again, your fingers tangling together without hesitation this time. Your laughter died down into a tender, stretched-out silence. The humid air wrapped around you both, and it was almost too easy - too natural - when you both started leaning in.
At first, it was tentative, the space between you narrowing second by second. You caught the way his eyelashes fluttered shut just as your noses brushed. A soft, uncertain breath escaped your lips - and then you closed the last bit of space. The kiss was featherlight, like the both of you were scared to press too hard, scared to shatter the fragile, perfect thing that was happening. He pulled back just slightly, enough to search your eyes, a small, almost disbelieving smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.
"Finally," he whispered, voice low and a little shaky. You couldn't help but laugh under your breath, giddy, your forehead resting lightly against his. And for that moment - no coaches, no competition, no pressure - it was just you and him, and the sweet, dizzying feeling of falling into something you both had been tiptoeing around for far too long.
Your moment stopped when you heard the click of a camera. Your heads turned to Ivan, who had his phone out, mischievously grinning at his screen. "Ooh, I'm gonna send this to your sister." He taunted, earning a scoff from you, "You wouldn't" you challenged, now glaring daggers at the man whose fingers dangerously hovered over your sister's instagram icon.
"Hate to ruin your moment there, but you two should get ready for bed already." Sunghoon's coach tittered a laugh, nudging towards the darkening night sky that was visible from the balcony. Reluctantly, the both of you pulled away from each other as you silently agreed on who gets bathroom privileges first. It was you.
So, after quickly grabbing your hygiene kit and some pajamas from your bag, you headed into the bathroom and immediately switched on the tap and the shower, trying to make much noise as possible to cover the squeal you were about to make. OH MY FUCKING GOD THAT WAS MY FIRST KISS. The realization has just dawned you. You just kissed Park fucking Sunghoon. Of course, you're a new couple, so it took you 2 whole months to finally get a kiss in.
You were jumping around the bathroom as you watched your reflection from the corner of your eye. Your face was flushed, grin unable to be wiped off. You felt more mature then. You felt like a woman. "We can hear you, you know!" Ivan's voice rang from outside, making you sigh out in frustration. "Let me celebrate my first kiss in peace, dammit!"
Little did you know, Sunghoon was just as happy as you were, if not more. As you hurried into the bathroom, he leaned back on the bed, his eyes half-closed as the rhythm of his racing heartbeat filled his ears. Every thud felt like a drumbeat in his chest, strong and urgent, echoing the excitement that had taken root inside him since you'd stepped into his life. It wasn't just the rush of competition - it wasn't even the thrill of winning or the anxiety about tomorrow's big event. It was you.
He couldn't stop the smile that tugged at his lips, no matter how hard he tried to keep it in check. The joy you exuded, the little sounds you made as you moved around the bathroom, all of it made him feel like he was floating. It was a feeling he hadn't anticipated, something deep and powerful that surged up from the depths of his chest.
And then, just as he thought his heart couldn't possibly beat any faster, he heard it: your excited peals of laughter, muffled but still clear through the thin walls of the hotel room. Your happiness, your genuine, unfiltered joy - it was contagious. It hit him like a tidal wave. He couldn't help but chuckle to himself, staring at the ceiling as if trying to gather his thoughts in the midst of this overwhelming feeling.
He felt on top of the fucking world. Like nothing could bring him down, no obstacle too large, no competition too difficult to face, because you were here. You were in his life. And right now, that was all that mattered.
For a fleeting moment, his thoughts turned inward, a small but growing realization settling in his chest like a weight he couldn't ignore. Maybe it was too early to say it out loud, but the truth was undeniable. He was already in love with you.
He felt it - deep in his thrumming heart, that undeniable, warm certainty. The way his thoughts always returned to you, the way he caught himself smiling at the thought of you even in the most mundane moments. The way your laughter still rang in his ears, even now, and how it filled the empty spaces inside of him in a way nothing else ever had.
His fingers absentmindedly traced the edge of the blanket, but his mind was a million miles away, caught in a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions that were only growing louder. It had only been a short time, but with you, everything just felt... right. More than right. Perfect. But when was the perfect time? He didn't want to rush it, didn't want to ruin this delicate, almost fragile moment between you two. It had to be special, the way everything with you felt.
As the minutes passed, and you continued your happy noises from the bathroom, he found himself lost in his own reverie, a soft smile still playing at the corners of his mouth. What was he even waiting for? Was there a perfect time, or was this it - now, in this moment, when everything felt right and the air between you two was thick with the unsaid but deeply understood feelings that had started to bloom between you?
Maybe it was the excitement and buzz for the upcoming competition, maybe it was the strange, charged atmosphere of the hotel room - but something inside him told him to hold onto this. To savor the joy, the uncertainty, the possibilities that lay ahead.
For now, he would wait. But deep down, he knew it wouldn't be much longer before he couldn't keep it to himself any longer. He would find the perfect time. And when he did, he wouldn't hesitate. He had to be confident in saying it.
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The bustling sounds of the city faded as you and Sunghoon stepped out of the cab and approached the entrance of Mega Ice, the indoor rink located in MegaBox. The nerves in the air were almost palpable as the crowd gathered around the venue, the buzz of anticipation rising with every passing minute. Today's event was just the short program for junior men and women, while tomorrow was the free skate. Two days of hell where you'll have to show all that you've got to the judges, the audience, and the cameras who were broadcasting everything to the world.
Sunghoon's eyes flickered to the sea of people, his shoulders tense under the weight of the situation. You could see it in the slight quiver of his hands as he adjusted the strap of his bag, his gaze lost in the magnitude of the crowd. He had always been calm in the face of competition, but today, something felt different. You could feel it in the way he moved, in the tightness around his eyes. The enormity of the event was sinking in, and his usual composure seemed to be slipping through his fingers.
You slowed your pace and walked alongside him, offering him a reassuring smile. You knew exactly what to do. "Hey, just remember... we've been preparing for this," you began, your voice steady, trying to match his unease with confidence. "You've worked so hard for this moment. All that training, all the hours on the ice, it's brought you here. And no one can take that away from you."
He sighed, his eyes still locked on the crowd, his breath coming a little faster now. "I know, but... I don't know. It's just... it's different today. The crowd is huge, and I can feel the pressure." He shifted his weight, clearly uncomfortable in the midst of the noise and chaos. "What if I mess up?"
You stopped walking for a moment and turned to face him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He glanced at you, his expression a mixture of doubt and exhaustion. "You won't," you assured him, your voice firm yet gentle. "You're not the type to mess up. You've got this." You smiled, giving him a playful nudge. "Look at you-you're practically made for this."
He let out a shaky laugh, but the tension was still there. "You make it sound easy."
"Well, it is," you said, meeting his eyes with a look of complete sincerity. "You've been skating for years. You've trained with the best. You're ready for this. And you've got me with you every step of the way."
He raised an eyebrow, clearly not expecting that. "And if you fall flat on your face, what then?"
You grinned, a playful gleam in your eyes. "I'll just make sure you catch me when I do."
The tension between you two slowly dissolved as he chuckled softly, the corners of his lips lifting. You could see the edges of his nerves softening, just a little. The thought of facing the crowd wasn't as overwhelming now. You stood there for a moment, both of you looking at the massive crowd in front of you, and then you turned to face him with more assurance.
"You won't fall, Sunghoon," you said, your tone lighter now, but filled with conviction. "But even if you do, I'll be there to pull you up. And I know you'll do the same for me."
He seemed to breathe a little easier at that, his shoulders relaxing slightly. "Thanks. You always know what to say to make me feel better."
You winked, giving him a thumbs-up. "Of course. But remember, you're not alone in this. No matter how big that crowd is, out there on the ice, it's just you. And you're going to crush it. I believe in you."
For the first time that day, he smiled fully, the smile that reached his eyes. It was a quiet moment, but in it, you both understood - the crowd, the competition, the nerves - none of it mattered. What mattered was the trust between you, the belief that you'd both give your best. And that was enough to settle both your hearts.
The men were called to perform first, ladies' second, so you stayed near the entrance to the rink so you could watch him up close, Ivan and his coach on either side of you, almost biting their nails in anticipation. Sunghoon was already called on the ice for their warm-up. Shrieks erupted from the audience when he took his jacket off in this cool ass mannner, and you couldn't help it, the action swooned you too.
Your heart raced-not for yourself, but for him. You could see the tension in his shoulders, the way he adjusted his suit one too many times. You knew what was coming, yet the nerves gnawed at you both. The atmosphere was electric and thick with anticipation.
After the boys were done warming up, Sunghoon and the rest left as one participant you recognized from videos you saw online centered, in front of the judges. The stage lights flickered to life, casting a warm glow over the entire venue. The hum of excitement from the crowd filled the air, creating a buzz that seemed to vibrate through the floor. You stood in the audience, watching Sunghoon as he prepped for his turn.
You had always admired how Sunghoon could stay composed under pressure, but tonight, something felt different. His usual calm was overshadowed by a quiet unease, the kind that was hard to mask, even for him. You wanted to reassure him, to tell him everything would be fine, but you could see the storm of thoughts swirling in his mind. His breath was steady, but there was a flicker in his eyes that betrayed his nerves. You could almost feel the tension in the air, the weight of the moment pressing down on both of you.
"Sunghoon," you said softly, as you approached him, "You've got this." You weren't sure if he heard you, but his gaze briefly met yours, and for a second, you could see a glimmer of gratitude in his eyes. His opponent was already done, and he was already up next. Then, without another word, he stepped forward, his movements graceful but deliberate. He was going first, and you knew that meant he had to set the tone for everything that followed.
The moment the music began, you held your breath. The stage was his, the spotlight an extension of his confidence. He moved with purpose, his body flowing through the choreography, his expression focused. But even as he performed with precision, you could feel the nervous energy radiating off him-like an electric current you couldn't escape. His every move was calculated, but there was an undercurrent of doubt, something beneath the surface that wasn't quite in sync with the rest of him.
You couldn't help but feel that rush of empathy for him. You knew what it was like to stand before a crowd, vulnerable and exposed. You had seen him go through countless rehearsals, pushing himself to the limit, always trying to perfect every move. Now, it was his time to shine, and yet, you could see the hesitation in his eyes. A split second of doubt-a fraction of a moment-but you felt it too.
Your heart clenched when he stumbled, just a slight misstep in his footwork. It wasn't major, but it was enough to make you hold your breath. The crowd didn't notice, but you did. His face shifted, just for a moment, as if wondering whether he should keep going. You wanted to shout out, to tell him that it was okay, that everyone stumbled sometimes. But instead, you kept silent, your fingers pressing together as if in silent prayer for him.
And then, just as quickly as it had appeared, the doubt disappeared. Sunghoon steadied himself, his eyes narrowing with renewed determination. His movements regained their fluidity, his form sharpening with precision. You could see the change, the way he refocused, pushed through the nerves, and turned what had been a potential mistake into a strength. It was like watching someone transform before your very eyes, finding their center in the midst of chaos.
As the final note echoed through the arena, you let out the breath you hadn't realized you'd been holding. Sunghoon stood tall, his posture straight, his expression a mixture of relief and satisfaction. His shoulders were no longer tense, and for the first time that night, he allowed himself a small smile. The crowd erupted into applause, but you knew that it wasn't just the performance they were cheering for-it was his perseverance, his resilience. You couldn't help but feel proud, not just for the flawless performance, but for the man he was becoming.
Various stuffed toys rained from the audience, some bouquet of flowers as well for him. Another thing you loved about figure-skating was how adorable and thoughtful the crowd usually is after a performance, giving these cute gifts to those they were rooting for. Sunghoon beamed at the audience, picking up those they have offered him with sincere gratitude.Â
You made your way to him as he stepped off the stage, his breath coming in steady waves, his eyes reflecting a quiet pride. Without thinking, you reached out, giving him a gentle tap on the shoulder. "You were amazing," you said, your voice full of sincerity. Sunghoon turned to face you, his usual stoic expression softened by the warmth of your words. There was a brief pause before he replied, his voice almost a whisper, "Thanks."
In that moment, you realized that it wasn't just the applause or the recognition that mattered-it was the small moments between the chaos, the understanding, and the connection you shared. No matter how many performances, how many challenges, you would always be there, cheering him on. The journey was just as important as the destination, and together, you were walking it side by side.
As Sunghoon caught his breath, you stood by him, offering the comfort of your presence. The night had been a reminder of just how much he had grown, not just as a performer, but as a person. There was so much more ahead of him, so many more stages to conquer. But for tonight, you would celebrate the victory of this moment-the one where he pushed past his fears and rose above them.
And as you both stood there, amidst the echoes of the crowd's cheers, you knew that this was just the beginning. Whatever came next, you would face it together.Â
He gave you one final nod of encouragement as his coach dragged him away to the hot seat. The scores were still being calculated as the 3rd competitor made his entrance, the music already garnering the audience's attention. Ivan lightly tugged on your jacket and silently checked if you were anxious or anything, but his tense shoulders relaxed when he saw you didn't look pained in any way whatsoever. I mean, how could you be alarmed when Sunghoon just inspired the living shit out of you. If anything, you felt amped up. You were certain his performance would make it into the top three, so you had to make yours would be just as good.Â
Minutes feel like hours whenever you're waiting for something to happen. It definitely applies to when you're squirming in your seat as you worry about your score in a prestigious competition since you're representing your fucking country. That's what Sunghoon was undergoing right now. There, in the hotseat with labored breaths, a sweaty ass and a white sheep plushie squished by his clammy hands.Â
The chill of the rink seeps through your jacket as you wait near the boards, skate guards clutched tightly in your hands. Your heart hammers against your ribs, the steady beat louder than the buzz of the commentators overhead. You can't take your eyes off the screen, your breathing shallow and uneven.
"And now, ladies and gentlemen," one of the commentators announces, voice slicing through the tense air, "the score for Park Sunghoon in the Short Programâ"
You hold your breath.
Sunghoon's performance replays behind your eyes â the sharp precision of his spins, the fluid grace of every transition, the sheer command he had over the ice. It had been the kind of skate that pulled people to the edge of their seats, left them hanging on every movement. You know he deserves a spot in the top three. Still, anticipation claws at your gut, as if some unseen hand could still tip the outcome.
"Park Sunghoon, ladies and gentlemen, delivered a truly remarkable performance today," the second commentator chimes in, a note of awe in their voice. "A seamless blend of strength and elegance, especially in those final jumps. His precision is unrivaled, and it's no surprise that he's managed to capture the judges' attention with such a commanding presence."
Your pulse quickens at the praise. You can practically feel the energy in the rink shift as Sunghoon's score flashes on the screen. "Park Sunghoon scores 56.61 points, placing him currently in second place!" The crowd erupts into a wave of cheers and applause. You feel a rush of pride swelling inside you â he made it into second place. Just like you'd hoped. Just like he deserved. His performance had earned every bit of that ranking, and you can't help but beam. You're so proud of him. But as the excitement simmers, another feeling quickly rushes in to take its place: urgency.
You glance at the running order. Two more skaters, then it's the women's turn. Your turn. Watching Sunghoon climb the leaderboard doesn't just fill you with pride â it ignites something hotter, sharper inside you. I have to match that brilliance, you think to yourself. I have to step onto that ice and make it my own.
You think of the countless hours spent alone in empty rinks, the falls, the frustration, the quiet victories no one ever clapped for. The sharp sting of sore muscles after a long practice, the lonely moments when all you had was the sound of your skates carving through the ice. Every moment has led to this â a chance to show the world what you're made of. A chance to be seen. A chance to be remembered.
As the next skater finishes their performance, the nerves in your stomach twist even tighter. You want to be calm. You want to be composed. But the adrenaline is overwhelming, your breath shallow as you mentally prepare to step into the spotlight.
Sunghoon and his coach happily march back to you and Ivan, exchanging hugs and congratulations with to them. Such a sappy moment, yet it felt nice to tangle into the sticky sweetness before stepping into the cold abyss, that is finally performing for what you've aimed for since day one. Sunghoon's hand caressed your cold ones. Which is ironic since his hand was just as cold, but it helped warm you up nonetheless.Â
It was finally your turn. This is your moment.
Tonight, you promise yourself, you'll leave your own mark deep in its surface.
The familiar coldness of the rink nipped at your skin, but it wasn't the chill that had your heart hammering in your throat. It was the weight of everything you had worked for, everything that had brought you to this exact moment. The crowd's energy buzzed in the air, but you shut it out, focusing only on the steady glide of your skates across the ice as you made your way to the center.
Your body moved without hesitation, instinct guiding you as you struck your starting pose. The judges' eyes were locked on you â you could feel their gaze, but it wasn't fear that tightened your chest. It was something else. You were ready. You had to be. The music began, the unmistakable opening chords of "Don't Stop Me Now" blasting through the speakers, the energy of Freddie Mercury's voice filling the arena. "Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time..."
For a second, everything else faded. The sound of your skates cutting the ice, the way the rink seemed to pulse with life â it all aligned. The song itself was a rush, a perfect match for the moment you had waited for. The kind of song that didn't just ask for you to perform but demanded that you pour every ounce of your being into it. You had no choice but to give everything you had.
Your costume caught the light as you moved â a sleek, form-fitting design that shimmered under the spotlights. The fabric was dark and mysterious, a deep, glimmering black with accents of gold that rippled as you spun. It reflected the tempo of the song, each motion sharp and confident, each movement drawing the audience in as if the performance itself was alive.
You moved across the ice with purpose, each glide more determined than the last. You remembered Sunghoon â not just the boy who had changed you, but the boy who had shared in your dreams. Together, you had promised to be winners. Together, you had built a future that seemed so possible, so real. The weight of those memories drove you forward. He had taught you how to fight for what you loved, even if he wasn't there with you now.
The music was building, your energy rising to match it. "I'm having a ball, I'm having a good time..." You could feel the audience, the judges â everything â pulling you in, urging you to give more, to push further. This was your moment. You weren't just performing for yourself anymore; you were performing for every memory, every person who had ever believed in you, every time you had doubted your worth. And yes, for Sunghoon too, in a way.
You spun, soaring through the air with a controlled grace, your body aligned with the beat of the song, the rhythm of the ice. Every jump felt lighter than air, every movement a declaration of everything you had fought for. And when you landed, the music hit its peak. You struck the final pose, chest heaving, your heart pounding not in fear, but in triumph. You had done it. You had given everything you had.
The arena erupted in applause. You couldn't help the grin that spread across your face as you skated a slow circle, the sound of your supporters cheering louder than anything else in the world. You looked up, catching sight of your friends in the crowd â and, of course, they were there, as always, holding a mountain of PokĂŠmon plushies. Some were even tossing them onto the ice as they cheered for you, their excited shouts a joyful chorus. You scooped up one of the plushies, laughing softly, knowing that despite everything â the struggles, the pain, the growth â this was exactly where you were meant to be.
It felt liberating having to perform with all your might, and everyone seemed to appreciate it. Excitedly, you sped right through the eyes and straight at Sunghoon, jumping into his outstretched arms, sending both of you tumbling to the floor, the plushies you both were holding following suit. It's so cliche, but he made you feel all too giddy to the point where you don't care. Or maybe the adrenaline from the performance really got to you.Â
Your coaches cracked up at your antics, pulling you up and off Sunghoon by the arms. You just came to notice the random burst of screams that came from the crowd since you jumped into his arms, confused at the sudden sound, your eyes scouted the arena for an answer. Perhaps there was an intermission number or something that stirred the crowd awake. Your questions were answered when you heard the commentators laugh out, ""It looks like our performer's got some extra energy after that routine! What an adorable moment, everyone! Looks like we've got a little unexpected performance happening here as well!"
You blinked in surprise, your face flushing a deep shade of red. It hit you then â the crowd hadn't been screaming because of some random intermission number. They were cheering for you. For the way you had jumped into Sunghoon's arms like you were the lead in some cheesy rom-com. The realization made you both embarrassed and oddly elated at the same time.
Sunghoon chuckled softly, holding you close for a moment longer before he helped you back on your feet. His grip was steady, and the glint of amusement in his eyes only made your heart race faster. "Guess we're the show now, huh?" he teased, that familiar smirk playing on his lips. You gave a playful shove, still trying to gather yourself. "Shut up," you muttered, but there was no malice in it. You were laughing, your pulse still pounding with adrenaline. You had just given it your all, and despite the sudden awkwardness, you didn't regret a single second of it.
The applause didn't stop. In fact, it seemed to grow louder, a mix of appreciation and laughter from the crowd as they witnessed the fun, carefree moment you'd shared with Sunghoon. But you could hardly focus on that now â your eyes were still darting around the rink, scanning for your friends, your supporters, the ones who had always been there.
It was cliche, yet, but sometimes cliche felt the most real. And in that moment, with all the noise around you and the lights shining down, you felt like you were exactly where you were meant to be. With your heart still racing, you held onto that moment â and the plushies â for as long as you could.
Ivan eventually snatched you to the hot seat, your knees jerking as you hugged yourself in suspense. Why'd the judges always take so long in giving out ratings? It always just gives your stomach extra time to churn in and shrink itself. Your grip on Ivan's hand (which he offered for you to hold) steeled when the announcer's long awaited voice rang through the arena's massive speakers.Â
"And there you have it, folks, what a spectacular display of skill and grace! Let's see how the judges scored this remarkable performance."Â The first commentator's voice rings out, his tone full of admiration. You can feel the tension building as the second commentator chimes in."Indeed, an impressive show of precision and artistry. Now, let's get the official score. After a routine like that, it's anyone's guess where she'll land, but there's no denying the level of talent she's bringing to the ice."
Your heart pounds in your chest, and for a moment, it feels like everything around you fades as the numbers flash on the screen. You can't tear your eyes away from the display, holding your breath in the brief silence. "And the score is in!" The first commentator exclaims. "With a total score of 57.63, she secures the second-place spot in this highly competitive short program!"
A rush of emotion sweeps over you. Relief, joy, pride. You've made it. Your hard work, all the hours spent on the ice, and the moments of doubt â it all feels worth it. The applause from the crowd fills your ears, but it's the commentators' voices that hold your attention now. "Second place, folks, an outstanding achievement, especially in a field as competitive as this! It's clear that she's earned her place at the top. With the free program still ahead, anything can happen, but with a performance like that, she's definitely one to watch."
You can feel the warm glow of satisfaction spreading through you as your supporters cheer, their enthusiasm washing over you like a wave. You glance up at them, noticing the familiar faces, their smiles of pride and encouragement. But it's not just for them â this is for you too. You've pushed yourself further than you ever thought possible. The commentators' voices continue to echo in the background, but you're too lost in the moment to focus on anything else. You've made it this far, and you're determined to finish strong.
In the end, the two of you happily walked hand in hand, wearing matching grins and silver medals dangling from your proud chests. You've already told your parents about the win, and of course they were estatic. They actually already knew, since they were glued to the tv as to support from home. Your dad was crying when he picked up the phone, drawling about how proud the family is. As expected, your sister brought up the hug, but it was overshadowed by the good news.Â
That night, your coaches spoiled the two of you rotten by treating you to this really fancy restaurant as a reward, buying some soju and urging the both of you to take a sip or two. "Come on, you know you want to. I won't tell you parents, so don't worry about them finding out" Ivan urged an already open bottle to both yours an Sunghoon's glass. Giving one another a look of uncertainty, the two of you internally debated whether or not to do it.
But the moment Sunghoon cracked a smile, you did too, already grabbing the battle from Ivan and pouring nearly equal amounts into your glasses, clinking it together and downing the bitter, clear liquid that was so strong, you were gagging the rest of the night while Sunghoon asked for a couple more sips. This night was the start. Sunghoon's turning point.Â
âď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸
Years passed by in a blur, and now, you were 17, lounging in Sunghoon's bedroom as a random movie played on his laptop. The two of you has long gotten more and more comfortable with one another as you tried and experience more new things together. He bought you your first pet, you both went to your first unsupervised party together, and a lot more risque stuff. Both of you wanted to lead up to the actual thing with baby steps first instead of diving in headfirst and accidentally hurting each other in the process due to inexperience. So, you planned it.Â
Today, you were going through another first. Your first blowjob as a couple.Â
It began with a hand straying from his shoulder all the way to his thigh from beneath the blanket. Gentle caresses littered across his body until you saw a tent form. He was embarrassed from it, and tried to push you away, stammering a half-assed excuse to get you to stop, "D-don't look!" His demeanor only made you coo in his ear, "You don't want to, Hoonie?"Â
Your hand halted, waiting for him to push you away. One last chance to walk away, but when he didn't move, your hand flew right to his crotch. Pointer finger poking at the clothed peak of the bulge. He bit his lips, hands grabbing at the laptop to raise its volume to drown out the sinful noises he knew he was going to make. "The door is locked, right?" You asked, worried his mom might barge in on you two.
Was he able to process your question? No. Did he nod nonetheless? Yes.Â
Oh well, who were you to deny him of his pleasure when he obviously wants it, if his jerking hips were anything to go by. You continued palming at his erection, mouthing kisses all over his neck. Your bodies felt so hot, as if you were veiled by the warmth of your horniness, leaving you too feeling like your brains melted into a puddle of sinful desires. There was already a damp spot in his shorts, and he bagan to feel impatient.
Slipping a finger around the seam of his shorts and underwear, he pulled it off just enough to let his cock spring free. It slapped against your hand, making you retract it from the sudden feeling of touching a dick for the first time and him; sigh out in relief of feeling another hand touch his dick, even just for a split second. Your pussy fluttered when your hand made contact with the foreign...object?
Gathering enough courage, you reached for it again, feeling it twitch at your grasp, Sunghoon's already letting out silent moans. "What do I do..?" You ask eyes fully open yet not really looking at him. You were staring into nothingness as you imagined how your hand as his cock looked like under these sheets. "J-just wrap your hand around it and move it up and down.." He instructed, wrapping his hand around yours and guiding its movements.
You couldn't help but moan at the feeling of just his dick against your hand. His chest heaved as the pace of your hands quickened, "Baby, please-please.. talk.. I want to hear your voice." He breathed out. "W-what do you want me to say?" Twitch. "Anything, oh god, say anything, baby."
His voice was strained against his throat, head thrown back into the pillow. The muscles of his next were flexing, it looked so damn enticing. "Mm.. you look so hot right now Hoonie.." You say before you traced your tongue along the veins and Adam's apple on his neck. Whispering profanities, Sunghoon announced he was close. "Count for me..."
And so you did, counting down from three to one. And like some magic trick, he came on your command, cum spurting and wetting the blanket as he spasmed. His back arched, brows furrowed, mouth slacked. It felt like a blessing to get to see him orgasm. Because of your hand, not to mention.Â
Your lips crashed into his with a messy urgency, tasting your shared breath as your tongues slid against each other in a sloppy, desperate kiss. Every flick, every suck, felt like a continuation of what had just happenedâraw and reckless. Your hand, still slick from the way you'd been stroking him moments ago, trailed off his spent cock, his cum clinging to your fingers. Instead of wiping it away, you reached for his hand, lacing your sticky fingers with his, letting the mess smear between your joined palms. Filthy, intimate, and perfect.
"How was it, baby?" you murmured against his kiss-swollen lips, voice dipped in smug satisfaction as you pulled back just enough to meet his eyes. They were glassy, half-lidded, the pupils blown wide with lingering pleasure.
He whimpered, actually whimpered, too fucked-out to form a real sentence. "It was... fuck, amazing..." His voice cracked, wrecked from moaning your name like a prayer.
You hummed softly, the sound low and pleased, vibrating from your chest. With a slow, languid movement, you nestled closer, laying your head over his heart, its thudding beats still racing beneath the surface of his chest. The rise and fall of his breathing began to sync with yours as your eyelashes fluttered closed. Wrapped in the sticky heat and the quiet aftermath, you allowed your body to melt into his, eyelids growing heavy, ready to drift off to sleep cradled in the comfort of his embrace.
You sighed, eyelids fluttering shut as his arm instinctively wrapped around you, cum drying on your tangled hands like a dirty little promise. The room was silent except for the soft sound of your breathing, still in sync, and the occasional satisfied exhale escaping his lips.
If you slept like this, stuck together and still covered in the aftermath, you didn't mind one bit.
"You definitely have to let me make you feel good too."
A smile found its way on your lips again, "Some other day, Hoonie."
And with that, the two of you slipped into dreamland, tangled against each other's limbs, movie long forgotten. The credit scenes were already showing at this point, when his door creaked open, revealing Mrs. Park. Had she walked in ten minutes earlier, she would've kicked you out immediately. Turns out the door wasn't really locked.Â
Fortunately, the sight that met her eyes was just her son and his girlfriend fast asleep as they innocently cuddled. She sighed, feeling her maternal senses take over her once again, turning the movie off and folding the laptop shut, closing the door as quietly as she could behind her so as to not wake you two up. Completely unaware that his son's dick laid flaccid, caged in your warm hands, hidden beneath the warmth of her freshly laundered sheets.Â
âď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸
 The soft hum of the air conditioner was the only sound filling your room, aside from the subtle rustling of your sheets. The house was quietâeerily soâbut you weren't complaining. Your parents and sister were away for the night, some conference meeting they couldn't drag you to, and it had left the house blissfully empty. Yours. Yours and his.
Sunghoon sat on the edge of your bed, fingers nervously fiddling with the hem of his hoodie as he looked at you with that unsure, boyish glance he always gave you right before crossing a line. You knew that look. You welcomed it. "You sure?" he asked, voice just above a whisper, as if speaking any louder would shatter the fragile air between you. "That I can... try?"
You leaned back against your pillows, legs stretched out and bare, your shirt slightly oversizedâhis, actuallyâand hanging just low enough to be teasing. You tilted your head, smirking softly. "I told you, Hoon... my body's yours to figure out." His breath caught.
You could practically see the thoughts racing behind his eyes. He wanted to touch youâbadly. Not just to get you off, but to learn. To explore. To study every sigh, every shiver, every sound he could pull from your lips. His fingers twitched where they rested on his lap. "You can experiment," you said again, a little slower this time, the weight of the words sinking into his skin. "Touch me. See what makes me feel good. What makes me melt. What makes me beg."
Sunghoon swallowed hard, and the shift in his posture was subtleâbut telling. His hand finally moved, hesitantly brushing against your thigh, testing the waters. Warmth bloomed where he touched you, tentative but thrilling. "I wanna learn you," he murmured, his fingers splaying out slightly, stroking over your skin like it was sacred. "I wanna be good for you."
You reached for his hand and guided it further up, heart thudding in anticipation. "Then learn, Hoon," you whispered, breath ghosting across his cheek. "Use me." His cheeks flushed, and his hand trembled just a bitâbut it didn't stop. It traveled. Down, in. Testing. Tasting. Exploring you with reverence and heat. And with the house so empty, with no one around to hear the sounds he'd draw out of you, Sunghoon let himself indulge
His fingers traced the hem of your underwear with a kind of focused awe, like he couldnât believe you were letting him touch you like thisâsoft, slow, exploring, not rushing anything. You parted your legs for him without a word, giving him silent permission, and his breath hitched at the sight of youâbarely dressed, spread out just for him, waiting.
âTell me if Iâm doing it right,â he whispered, voice hoarse, but his fingers were already moving. He slipped beneath the fabric, his touch featherlight as he finally cupped you fully, his fingers grazing your folds like you were the most delicate thing heâd ever handled. You bit your lip and let out a soft moan, hips twitching into his touch. âKeep going⌠Youâll know when you are.â
His jaw clenched, a flicker of pride flickering in his eyes. One finger dragged through your slick slowly, his eyes glued to your expression like it was his manual. He circled your clit once, uncertainly, then again with more purpose. Your breath hitched. âThere,â you gasped, voice strained, and he immediately focused on it, his finger pressing just a little firmer, learning your rhythm, watching every reaction. âF-Feels good when you do thatâŚâ
Sunghoon licked his lips, completely entranced. âYouâre so wet⌠fuck,â he muttered under his breath, a flush creeping down his neck. âIs that all from me?â You nodded, pulling him down into a kiss as he continued working his fingers in slow, exploratory movements. âAll yours, Hoon. All because of you.â He groaned into your mouth, encouraged. Emboldened. He slid a finger into you carefully, eyes darting between your parted lips and the subtle arch of your back. Then another. Your walls clenched around him, needy and warm, and he swore softly again.
âGod, you feel⌠amazing,â he whispered, curling his fingers ever so slightly, testing, watching. You gasped and gripped his wrist. âThere. Just like that. Againââ. He obeyed immediately, curling again, hitting that spot that made you tremble. You moaned freely now, the sound echoing off your bedroom walls, shameless and hot.
He was getting better by the secondâmore confident, more curious. Your thighs trembled around his hand as he leaned in, voice low against your neck. âI wanna make you cum with my fingers,â he murmured, breath tickling your skin. âLet me? Please?â âDo it,â you whispered, dizzy with heat. âMake me yours.â
And that he did. Quickening the pace of his fingers as your hands desperately clawed on the sheets of your pillow. The pads of his fingertips reaching the all the good crevices in you, you swore you saw stars cloud your vision when you hit your peak. Sunghoon stood watch, keeping his hand in place, peering at the way you arch and spasm all because of him. He thought you looked so damn beautiful, with your sweat-stained face and neglected nipples perking through your shirt.Â
Without much of a thought, he leaned in and popped your clothed bud into his mouth, nipping and prodding at it with his tongue. His act made your cunt flutter and pulse, so he kept doing it. All you could do was mewl and tangle your fingers into his soft, black locks. You rode out your high, and when you finally completely got off, the feeling of immense drowsiness took over you once again. And it seems like it had Sunghoon in a chokehold too, as he collapsed onto you and tucked his face into the crook of your neck.
Your body was still humming, nerves frayed in the best way, as if every inch of your skin had been kissed with static. You lay thereâlimp, warm, sticky, and so unbelievably satisfiedâwhile Sunghoon draped himself over you like a blanket, his breath fanning gently against your neck. His lips pressed a lazy kiss to your skin, then another, like he just couldnât stop touching you, even if he was too exhausted to do more.
You chuckled softly, the sound barely more than a breath. âYou good?â you murmured, fingers lazily carding through his hair, still a little damp with sweat. âI think I died for a second,â he mumbled against your skin, voice low and hoarse, but laced with a teasing kind of affection. âIf thatâs what death feels like, I donât even wanna come back.â
You laughed, cheeks warm, your heart fluttering from more than just the aftermath. âDramatic much?â âDead serious,â he grinned, finally shifting to look at you, his cheek pressed against your shoulder. His eyes were half-lidded, sleepy and content. âYou sounded so pretty⌠like you were made for me.â
Your stomach flipped at the honesty in his tone. You turned to face him fully, your noses almost touching now, the air thick with warmth and something deeper than lust. âMm⌠Youâve got good hands,â you murmured, fingers brushing down his jaw. âI think theyâre my favorite now.â âOh yeah?â he asked, smirking faintly, thumb tracing slow circles on your hip under the blanket. âWanna let me try more things next time? Take notes?â
You raised a brow, pretending to be serious. âYouâre taking this science experiment thing very seriously.â âIâm a thorough learner,â he whispered, kissing your collarbone softly. âAnd I wanna know everything⌠like what kind of kisses make you melt, what kind of touches make you gaspââ âWhat words make me beg,â you added cheekily, and he chuckled, low and fond.
âExactly,â he breathed. The silence that followed was comfortable, filled only with the sound of your mingled breaths and the soft creaking of the sheets as you both shifted to get closer. His leg tangled with yours. His fingers intertwined with your hand under the blanketâsticky, warm, and so gentle. âI like this,â you murmured, your voice growing sleepier. âNot just the⌠yâknow, mind-blowing stuff. I mean this. You. Here.â
He pressed a kiss to your temple, barely audible but full of something unspoken. âMe too.â And then nothing else needed to be said. Because in that dimly lit room, beneath tangled sheets and the ghost of each otherâs touch, everything already felt like a promise.
You didnât know how long youâd been lying thereâtangled up, limbs heavy, breath slowingâbut neither of you made any move to separate. Sunghoon stayed draped over you like he was afraid youâd vanish if he let go, his leg slung lazily over yours, his face still nuzzled in the crook of your neck. You shifted a little under him, chuckling weakly. âIf you keep breathing on my neck like that, Iâm gonna start thinking youâre trying to wind me up again.â
He groaned softly, lips grazing your skin as he spoke. âToo tired to do anything right now⌠but if you wake me up in, like, an hourâŚâ You laughed, real and low and warm. âOh? Setting a cooldown timer now?â âCall it recovery time,â he mumbled, his fingers tracing idle shapes on your side. âYou wore me out, babe.â
âPlease,â you snorted, twirling a strand of his hair around your finger. âYou were moaning like you were the one being touched.â âThatâs because I was losing my mind,â he admitted shamelessly, lifting his head just enough to meet your eyes. âYouâre dangerous.â You smiled, brushing your thumb over his cheek. âDangerous, huh?â
âMmhm. But like⌠the âruin me in the best wayâ kind.â You rolled your eyes fondly. âSo dramatic.â âYeah,â he whispered, leaning in to kiss the tip of your nose, then your cheek, âbut only for you.â Your cheeks warmed, but you were too relaxed to hide it. You let out a soft sigh, your hand sliding up his back, palm warm against his bare skin. The silence that followed was comforting, filled only by your breathing and the faint creak of the bed as he settled in even closer.
âHey,â he murmured a minute later, sleep tugging at his voice. âMm?â âWhen I wake upâŚâ he paused, tracing your lower lip with the pad of his thumb. âCan I try using my mouth next time?â Your breath hitched, your thighs instinctively pressing together. âHoon.â âWhat?â he smirked, already smug. âYou said I could experiment.â You narrowed your eyes at him, lips twitching. âYeah, and now Iâm gonna experiment with suffocating you with this pillow.â He laughed into your neck, the sound sleepy but genuine. âWorth it.â
And with that, he tucked himself in against you again, holding you a little tighter as both of you finally began to drift, your bodies messy and close, your hearts stupidly full. "Seriously speaking, though, I'll let you."Â
âď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸
So thatâs how he woke you upâ Not with a kiss to the cheek, not with whispered words or lazy cuddles. No. It was the wet, deliberate slide of his tongue, dragging between your thighs, starting at the crook of your knees and working its sinful way upward.
At first, you thought you were dreaming. The warm, slick sensation felt too good, too filthy for reality. But then you blinked open your bleary eyes, only to be met with the sight of Sunghoon sprawled out between your legs, his hair messy from sleep, his eyes dark and half-lidded with hunger.
Your legs instinctively clamped together, embarrassed by how easily your body responded to him even after everything last night. But he didnât force them apart. He didnât rush. He simply nestled himself deeper into the space you allowed, his large palms smoothing up the outsides of your thighs in slow, lazy strokes, coaxing you to relax without a single word.
Of fucking course he was.
And all the while, his tongue continued its maddening pathâ
Long, wet drags along your lips, broad and languid, never breaching further, never grazing your sensitive clit. He was taking his time, savoring you, tasting you like he had all the patience in the world. You let out a soft, frustrated whimper, threading your fingers into the sheets. He was teasing you.
Every slow pass of his tongue, every deliberate avoidance of your most sensitive spot had you trembling, your hips twitching in silent desperation. But Sunghoon just chuckled low against your skin, the vibration sending a jolt straight through your core. âYouâre so warm down here,â he murmured, voice thick and gravelly from sleep, the tip of his nose nudging gently against your folds as he spoke. âSo sweet.â
You squirmed, a soft, needy sound falling from your lips, but he only pressed a kiss against your moundâtender, almost reverentâand resumed his unhurried pace. âRelax, baby,â he whispered, teasing another slow lick along your slit, making your thighs tremble against his shoulders. âIâm not going anywhere.â
And God, the way he said itâlow, certain, promisingâmade your entire body feel like it was melting into the mattress.
You gasped. Your hips jerked. Your fingers flew to his hair on instinct, clutching at the soft strands as your back arched clean off the mattress. âShitâSunghoonââ you breathed out, voice already trembling. He moaned low against you like heâd been starving, like the taste of you was all he needed to survive. His arms looped under your thighs, locking you in place, and then he really got to workâflattening his tongue against your clit, then flicking, then circling, relentless and rhythmic.
Sunghoon was going to ruin you again.
And you were going to let him.\But you didnât expect how quickly heâd shift gearsâhow the moment he felt your thighs twitch with impatience, he gave in. His lips parted, and with one firm, messy lick, he finally dragged his tongue over your clit.
There was no more teasing. No more testing. Just full, unfiltered hunger. The slick, obscene sounds of his mouth on you filled the room, and you were already unraveling, moans spilling out freely as he sucked gently, then harder, drawing more of you into his mouth like he couldnât get close enough. You looked down through bleary eyes, and the sight of him nearly broke youâhis dark hair messy between your thighs, eyes fluttered shut like he was praying with his mouth, a single muscle ticking in his jaw every time you whimpered his name.
You came hard, with a gasp and a shudder, your body curling into itself as wave after wave of pleasure crashed through you. He held you steady the whole time, lapping you through it, not stopping even as your thighs trembled violently around his head. When it was over, when your body had fully gone boneless and your breath came in shallow, spent little whimpers, he finally pulled backâhis lips glossy, cheeks flushed, eyes hazy with pride. He pressed a gentle kiss to your thigh. âGood morning, baby.â
He lifted his eyes then, locking them with yours, and fuckâ
That look. It was so full of need. Of devotion. âCome on, baby,â he rasped, breath hot against your core as he licked you again. âLet go for me. I wanna feel you fall apart.â And with how he mouthed at your clitâsucking slow, then fast, then slow againâyou did.
And just like that, you took his first time giving head. And you'll be damned if you don't steal his first time receiving either. Instantly, after you regained your strength, you flipped him over, so now, you were mounted on to him, crotches dangerously close to one another. Your breathing was ragged. If you scooched your ass just enough, you knew this would immediately lead to something else. But it's too early for that.Â
So, before he could even get a word in, you were already movingâsliding down the sheets with slow, deliberate grace, eyes locked onto the outline of him beneath his shorts. He was already hard. Straining. Practically twitching from how badly he wanted you, and yet still trying to keep it together.
You looked up through your lashes, lips parted just slightly, playing it innocent when the intent behind your gaze was anything but. "Can I?" you asked, voice softâsweet like honey, sticky like sin. He looked down at you like he was caught between heaven and hell, his knuckles turning white where they fisted the blanket beneath him. You could see it all over himâthe way his throat bobbed, the way his abs tightened, the way his eyes searched yours for permission and fear all at once.
You hovered just above his lap, face so close your breath ghosted over the fabric. And thenâ
You pressed your cheek against the bulge. That single, teasing nudge had him sucking in a sharp breath through his teeth. His hips bucked, just barely, like he couldnât help himself. Like your skin on him, even through the layers, was enough to short-circuit his restraint.
âBabyâŚâ he whispered, voice strained, âwhat if I hurt you?â You blinked slowly, your expression still soft but oh so certain. âThen take it slow. Learn me.â Your fingers toyed with the hem of his waistband, eyes still never leaving his. âI trust you.â And that broke him. Something behind his eyes snappedâneed, love, desperation all crashing together. He exhaled shakily, letting his head fall back for a second before locking eyes with you again, gaze wild now. Hungry.
âYouâre gonna be the death of me,â he muttered, almost like a prayer. Almost like a promise. And then, his hips lifted slightly in silent surrenderâoffering himself to you, placing every ounce of his control in your hands. You smiled. Because now, it was your turn to ruin him.
Lowering his shorts, you peeled them down slowly, watching every inch of skin reveal itself like it was sacred. And the moment the waistband cleared his hips, his cock sprang freeâflushed, heavy, leaking at the tip. But what caught your attention more than anything else⌠was the huge, damp patch darkening his gray boxers.
Your brows lifted, lips parting with a small, breathy chuckle. âHoonieâŚâ you murmured, tracing a finger just along the edge of the wet fabric. âDid you come while you were fingering me earlier?â His jaw tensed. His eyes fluttered shut, like even the memory of it was too much. A deep flush crept down his neck. âIââ He let out a shaky breath. âI didnât mean to. You were just⌠you looked so pretty falling apart. I couldnâtâfuck, I tried to hold it.â
You smiled, eyes softening as you looked up at him. There was something heartbreakingly sweet about itâabout how much he wanted to please you, how deeply your pleasure affected him. âThat hot, huh?â you whispered, leaning in to press the lightest kiss to the slick tip of his cock. He twitched under the touch, breath catching.
âYou have no idea,â he rasped, voice low and wrecked. You hummed, lips brushing against him again, deliberately slow. âGuess Iâll have to return the favor⌠make you feel it all over again.â And this time, you werenât playing innocent. You were in controlâeager, unhurried, and fully aware of the way he fell apart beneath your touch. His hands gripped the sheets again, but this time he didnât speak. He just watched. Watched you like you were something unrealâsomething heâd only ever dreamt of touching, let alone being touched by. And youâYou were just getting started.
You took your time, savoring the momentâthe way his chest heaved with every breath, the way his hands gripped the sheets like he was trying to hold onto his control. You knew what you were doing to him, and it made you want to tease him more.
With a slow, calculated motion, you leaned in again, this time pressing your lips gently to the tip of his cock, letting your breath flutter across him. His body stiffened immediately. You could feel the heat radiating off him, see the way his eyes clenched shut in frustration.
âFuck,â he hissed under his breath. âYouâre killing me.â
You smiled, a soft, knowing curve of your lips as you slid your hand up his shaft, your thumb swiping at the precum leaking at the tip. His hips jerked slightly, and you had to fight the urge to laugh at how desperate he already was.
âPatience, baby,â you teased, your voice a little too sweet. You swirled your thumb over him one more time before you let your tongue flick out, tracing the vein along the underside of his cock. He inhaled sharply, his body shaking as you moved up and down, slow and deliberate.
âJust like that⌠fuck,â he groaned, head falling back against the pillow, his lips parted as if he couldnât quite catch his breath. âYouâre perfect, so perfect.â
You hummed in response, pulling back just enough to look up at him. His eyes were dark with lust, lips trembling, and you could see how hard it was for him to keep it together.
âYou like that, Hoonie?â you whispered, your voice barely audible. âYou like how Iâm taking my time?â
âGod, yesâŚâ he moaned, his hips moving involuntarily. His fingers tightened around the sheets, knuckles going white. âYou have no idea how bad I need you.â
You chuckled softly, but there was no humor in itâjust a wicked thrill, the kind that made everything feel so much more intense. You slid your mouth down his cock slowly, inch by inch, taking him deeper. The feeling of him on your tongue made your own body ache with desire, but you were focusedâcompletely focused on him and how he was unraveling under your touch.
When you finally took him all the way in, his body stiffened, and a loud, desperate moan escaped him. His fingers threaded into your hair, pulling you even closer, but you pulled back, lips teasing the tip once more.
âCanât have you coming too soon, Hoonie,â you said, your voice barely above a whisper, but your words were laced with authority. âI want to make this last.â
He groaned, eyes shut tight as if just hearing you say it was enough to drive him mad. âYouâre fucking killing me,â he breathed, voice trembling. âBut god, please⌠donât stop. I canâtâfuck, I canât wait.â
And you didnât. You kept going, taking him deeper, sucking him slowly, teasing the edges of his control with every movement. Your hands cupped his balls, massaging gently, making him gasp, pulling every inch of pleasure from him as he squirmed beneath you.
He was losing it, and you could feel itâhow his body was shaking with the effort of holding himself back, his breaths coming in shallow gasps.
âPlease,â he whispered, voice strained and desperate. âI need you to finish me.â
But you were far from done. With one final, long, slow draw of your mouth over him, you pulled away, leaving him gasping, eyes wild and wanting. The air between you both was thick with anticipation, the kind of tension that left you both breathless. Sunghoonâs hands were trembling slightly as he touched you, fingers skimming over your body as if he was mapping every inch of you. His lips brushed over your neck, gentle but desperate, his warm breath mingling with your skin.
"Are you sure?" His voice was low, just above a whisper, but you could hear the doubt, the fear that you might say no, even though he was aching to go further.
You nodded slowly, running your fingers through his hair, holding his face close to yours. âIâm sure, Hoonie. I want this. I want you. But I need you to take care of me.â
A flicker of concern passed through his eyes, but it was quickly replaced by something stronger. Something primal. "Iâll take care of you, I swear," he breathed, his hands moving to lift your legs gently, positioning you just the way he wanted you.
He took a deep breath, trying to steady himself. His eyes were locked onto yours, searching, seeking permission. He needed to know you were truly ready, even though his body betrayed himâhis cock was throbbing, aching, desperate to be inside you.
You held his gaze, offering a soft smile, your voice a whisper of reassurance. âItâs just you and me, Hoonie. Let go.â
His lips crashed to yours in an almost desperate kiss, as if the act of kissing you could drown out the flood of emotions swirling inside him. Slowly, he shifted between your legs, his breath uneven as he positioned himself at your entrance, his cock pressing against your slick folds.
âFuck,â he breathed, his forehead resting against yours, his body trembling slightly as he fought the urge to just push inside. He was trying to be patient, trying to give you time, but the need inside him was overwhelming.
âYouâre mine now,â he muttered against your lips, as he slowly pushed the tip inside, watching your face for any signs of discomfort. âTell me if it hurts. Iâll stop.â
You nodded, breathing deeply, your body slowly adjusting to the sensation of him inside you. It was a mix of pain and pleasure, but you knew it would be worth it. âIâm okay,â you whispered, your voice shaky but filled with need. âJust⌠take it slow.â
Sunghoonâs face twisted in concentration, the effort to control himself evident in the way his jaw clenched. He didnât want to rush it. He wanted to savor every second of this momentâyour first time together.
He pushed deeper, inch by inch, his breath coming faster as he filled you completely. You gasped, your nails digging into his back as you adjusted to the fullness of him. It wasnât easyâthere was still that stinging burn, that feeling of being stretched, but you could tell by the way Sunghoonâs eyes widened that it was just as intense for him.
"God, you feel so tight," he muttered, his voice barely audible, strained with both pleasure and restraint. âSo fucking perfect.â
You moaned softly, your body slowly adjusting as he began to move, his thrusts slow and measured at first, as if he was waiting for you to tell him it was okay to go faster.
âMove, Hoonie,â you whispered, your voice thick with need. âMake me feel good.â
And with that, he let go. The restraint heâd been holding onto shattered as he started to thrust deeper, harder. His body moved with yours, a rhythm built on desire and the desperate need to feel more of each other. Each movement sent shockwaves of pleasure through you, your body quickly heating up from the friction, the connection.
He kissed you again, more urgently this time, his hands gripping your hips to pull you closer, driving deeper into you with every thrust. You could feel the tension building, the way your body started to coil tighter, your moans escaping uncontrollably as he made love to you with a passion that left you breathless.
âOh God, Hoonie,â you gasped, your hands grasping at him as you clung to him for support. âYou feel so good. Donât stop.â
âI wonât,â he grunted, his voice raw, desperate. âNot until you come for me.â
He was relentless now, his thrusts speeding up as your bodies collided with a force that made your head spin. The pleasure began to mount, and before you knew it, you were on the edgeâteetering on the brink of ecstasy, every nerve in your body screaming for release.
With one final thrust, you exploded, your body shaking violently as the orgasm ripped through you, pulling a broken gasp from your lips. Sunghoon followed soon after, his name falling from your lips in a breathless, needy cry as he came inside you, his body shuddering with the force of his release.
For a moment, neither of you moved. You were both panting, your chests rising and falling in sync as you lay there, tangled in each other, letting the aftershocks of pleasure subside.
And you knew it. You loved it. Every second of it. He did too. And he sure as hell wasnât afraid to voice it out.
Before he could think it through, the words spilled out of his mouth, and he just couldnât hit the brakes. His body trembled beneath yours, eyes wide, filled with a mixture of desperation and raw adoration. The room felt thick with the tension, his voice strained as he struggled to hold it all together.
"Fuck... I love you," he gasped, the words slipping out like a confession he didnât even know he was ready to make.
The moment hung in the air between you two, heavy and electric. His gaze locked with yours, wide and vulnerable, as if heâd just said something he couldnât take backâbut he didnât want to. Not anymore.
His chest heaved as he breathed heavily, his fingers gently caressing your hair, as if afraid to break the fragile moment that just passed. âI love you, I love you so much, Iââ He cut himself off with a groan, hands finding purchase on your hips as if grounding himself. âGod, I donât know what the hell Iâm saying, but I know I mean it.â
You froze for a moment, feeling a wild rush of heat fill youânot just from the way he was touching you, but from the sheer vulnerability in his voice, the way his eyes begged for you to believe him. To feel it with him.
And it hit you.
It hit you harder than any of the touches or moans, deeper than any of the teasing and slow build-ups. He wasnât just desperate for you physically anymore. Sunghoon was in love with you.
You leaned in, pressing your forehead against his, letting the weight of the moment settle over both of you. His hands were trembling now, brushing over your skin like he was still in awe of the connection between you two.
"Sunghoon..." you whispered, voice shaky but full of the same raw emotion.
His lips hovered just above yours, his breath mingling with yours as he let out another desperate sigh, this time filled with a quiet ache. "I canât stop thinking about you," he said, his voice cracking slightly, making your heart race. "I didnât want to say it like this... but Iâve never been more sure of anything. I love you."
Your heart beat wildly, and for a moment, neither of you moved, both suspended in the fragile vulnerability of the moment, both knowing this wasnât just about the physical anymoreâit was something deeper, something neither of you could deny anymore.
And before you could even answer, he kissed youâa slow, tender kiss that conveyed everything heâd just said. The love, the urgency, the wanting.
This wasnât a tease anymore. This was real.
And you knew, then, you were both in this together.
"I love you too."
âď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸â・Ëđ・Ëâď¸Ë・ââď¸
Reminiscing all your sweet moments, your firsts, the six years of your life you spent with him. Within those six years, you'd fixed his insecurities, helped his growth as a person, supported him through all his decisionsâand he did the same for you. There was a time when it felt like the world revolved around just the two of you. You saw each other not as perfect, but as irreplaceable. Eventually, the two of you moved in together in a homey little apartment near your university. It wasnât anything extravagant, just a one-bedroom with creaky floorboards and slightly chipped kitchen tiles, but it felt like yours. It was yours. A space that smelled like his cologne and your favorite candle, always a little cluttered but always filled with laughter.
Sunghoon had gotten a part-time job at a cute cafe just around the corner. He insisted on itâto help with the expenses, he saidâbut more than that, he refused to let you stress. He absolutely refused to make you lift a finger if he could help it. âYou focus on school, Iâve got the rest,â he used to say with a kiss on your temple and a warm mug in hand. And for a while, that worked. For a while, things were good. Youâd wake up tangled in each otherâs limbs, argue over what movie to watch, fall asleep in the middle of your shared chaos. You had your own rhythm, your own peace.
But thenâaround five months into living togetherâsomething shifted.
At first, it was subtle. Sunghoon started coming home later and later, offering excuses that felt thin no matter how kindly they were worded. âExtra shift,â âa coworker called in,â âthe register was off.â You tried not to be that kind of partner. The clingy, paranoid type. So you gave him space. You didnât question him much. You trusted him. But days stretched into weeks, and the distance between you only grew.
He was tired all the time, barely present when he was home. Meals were skipped. Conversations were short. Affection faded. What was once his warm hand on your back as you drifted off became cold sheets and an empty side of the bed. You were patientâGod, you were so patient. You tried to initiate, to ask him gently if everything was okay. But he brushed it off, each time more dismissively than the last.
Until one morning, it all boiled over. The fight started like most fights doâquiet, subtle, like a crack in glass. You didnât even mean to start it. Not really. You just asked him if heâd be home in time for dinner.
He barely looked up from tying his shoes, already halfway out the door. âProbably not. Minji asked if I could cover her closing shift again.â
Again. That word tasted bitter on your tongue now. Minji. Again.
You stood by the kitchen counter, arms crossed, forcing your voice to stay steady. âYouâve been covering for her a lot lately.â
He looked up briefly, his brows twitching in annoyance. âSheâs going through some stuff. Itâs just a few extra hours.â
âA few extra hours every night,â you snapped before you could stop yourself. âHoon, I donât even remember the last time we had dinner together without one of us falling asleep at the table.â
He sighed, dragging a hand through his hair, the same hand you used to hold when things got hard. âIâm working, okay? Iâm trying to help. Weâve got rent, utilities, your tuitionâitâs not like Iâm out partying.â
âI didnât say you were,â you murmured. âBut youâre never here anymore. I feel like I live with a ghost." The fight came out fast and harshâwords sharp like broken glass. He was getting ready for another late shift, and you, exhausted and hurt from feeling ignored for weeks, finally snapped. âItâs like you donât see me anymore,â you cried, your voice cracking. âI didnât move in just to live alone with someone elseâs toothbrush in the bathroom!â
He looked at you, jaw tense, eyes tiredânot from lack of sleep, but from detachment. âIâm working so you donât have to. Isnât that what you wanted?â he shot back. The words felt like a slap. And before either of you could stop it, it spiraled. It turned into something ugly, something neither of you wanted to say. You didnât even kiss goodbye when he walked out. He didnât even look back.
The words struck something in him. He stood straighter, jaw clenched. âSo now Iâm the bad guy because Iâm trying to keep us afloat?â
âNo,â you said, a little softer now, trying to rein it back. âYouâre not the bad guy. I just⌠I miss you.â
âWeâll talk later. Iâm already late.â
He paused, and for a moment, you thought he might meet you halfway. Say I miss you too. Say Letâs figure it out.
But instead, he grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder.
âHoonââ
He was already at the door, not even looking back. âWeâll talk later.â
And just like that, the conversation ended with the click of the door closing behind him.
But guilt came fast. And heavy.
Maybe he was stressed. Maybe youâd pushed too hard. You didnât want him walking into work with that fight weighing him down. So a few hours later, after pacing the apartment, you decided to go to the cafĂŠ. To surprise him. Maybe share a muffin, maybe hug him and say sorry first. Maybeâjust maybeâfix things.
You stood there, staring at the silence he left behind. The untouched plates on the table. The half-cut vegetables you were chopping for a meal that wouldnât be shared.
You didnât know it thenâbut you wouldnât get the chance to talk it out.
Because that night, while you were preparing to apologize, to meet him halfway, to forgiveâ
On the way, you stopped by a small fruit vendor and bought a small brown paper bag of fresh tangerinesâhis favorite. He always peeled them for you, careful not to get the juice on your fingers. It felt like a quiet way to say, Iâm still here. I still care.
He was in someone elseâs arms.
And the conversation would turn into a wound youâd never forget.
The bell chimed when you walked into the cafĂŠ. The place was warm and cozy, as always, but unfamiliar faces were behind the counter. One of the other staffâsomeone youâd only seen in passingârecognized you. âOh, youâre Sunghoonâs girlfriend, right? Heâs in the back. You can go ahead, he wonât mind.â
You smiled, heart fluttering with nervous hope, gripping the bag of tangerines tighter as you pushed through the swinging door into the back room.
And then your heart stopped.
There he was.
Sunghoon.
His back pressed against a shelf, hands tangled in the hair of a girl pressed flush against him. Her fingers were fisted in his shirt, his mouth locked with hersâhungry, desperate, familiar. You stood frozen, eyes wide, breath caught somewhere in your throat. The bag slipped from your hand. The tangerines hit the floor, rolling lazily across the tiles. They didnât even notice at first.
It wasnât until you turned, the door creaking slightly on your way out, that he looked upâeyes meeting yours, going wide with panic. âWaitâwait, no, fuck, babyââ You didnât stop walking. Not until he grabbed your arm outside, dragging you away from the cafeâs front, his voice frantic and broken. âIt wasnât what it looked like, I swear, pleaseâI messed up, but IâIt didnât mean anything!â
You laughed bitterly. âThatâs supposed to make me feel better? That it meant nothing to you?â âI was confused, I was tiredâthings got hard, and I panickedâplease, donât leave me,â he begged, tears brimming in his eyes. âLetâs talk. Letâs fix it. We can fix this.â But something in you had already snapped. The trust you held so tightlyâshattered. You had given him everything. Your love. Your time. Your home. Your soul.
And now you were standing outside the place he kissed someone else, the same place he used to bring you coffee from, the same one where you waited for him in the pastâsmiling, waving at him through the window like something out of a romance film. But this wasnât a film. This wasnât a scene youâd ever wanted to see. Because thisâthis was real. You were standing under the harsh neon glow of a sign that used to mean warmth and familiarity, and now it felt like it was branding you with betrayal.
The scent of roasted beans and sugar lingered in the air, but it was no longer comforting. Not when it clung to the fabric of your clothes alongside the image of her hands on him. Not when it tangled in your lungs like smoke from a fire he started with his own hands. Your voice came out quieter than expected, barely carrying over the ringing in your ears.
âI'm gonna start packing,â you said, almost to yourself. Sunghoon flinched like the words struck him physically. âNo,â he whispered, as if saying it soft enough would erase it. âPlease, no. Donât go.â His hands trembled as he reached for yours, but you stepped back before he could touch you. And that broke him further. His breath hitched, eyes darting across your face like he was trying to memorize itâlike he knew this might be the last time heâd get to look at you without shame, without distance, without regret.
âI know I fucked up,â he choked out. âI know I did. But I love you. Iâve always loved you. It didnât mean anything, I swearâshe was just there, and I was stupid, and IâI panicked. We were drifting and I didnât know how to fix it.â Tears welled in your eyes, and you hated how badly you wanted to believe him. But it wasnât about just the kiss. It was about everything that led to it. The silence. The absence. The way he started treating you like an afterthought.
âAnd you thought that kissing someone else would help you fix us?â you asked, voice barely steady. âYou thought that would bring me back?â âI wasnât thinking,â he muttered, almost childlike, like regret had stripped him of the version of himself you knew. âI was scared.â You shook your head slowly. âYou werenât scared. You were careless.â
He staggered back a little, like the words winded him. He opened his mouth, but no apology could fill the gaping hole he'd carved into something that used to be sacred. âI stood by you for six years,â you continued, blinking back tears. âI believed in you when you didnât believe in yourself. I made a home with you. I chose you. Every single day. And youâyou didnât even think twice.â
âI did think. I regret it. Iâll do anything. Just donât leave. Please,â he pleaded, voice breaking mid-sentence. âYouâre all I have.â You exhaled sharply, the pain gnawing in your chest almost unbearable. âThen maybe you shouldâve treated me like that before you lost me.â The silence between you stretched. Only the faint sound of traffic and your own heartbeat thrummed in your ears.
You didnât wait for him to speak again. You turned away, your footsteps heavy against the sidewalk, each step a confirmation of the choice you had to makeâfor yourself. You werenât going to beg to be chosen anymore. Not when he had already chosen someone elseâeven if it was only for a moment. Because that one moment had torn through six years. And some things, no matter how much you want to save them, just donât survive the wreckage.
You laughed at the absurdity of the situation. With you, he learned to love himself. But you, you learned to let go. It took you 6 years, but you finally graduated from this lesson. You also realized that Sunghoon didn't learn you. He fucking learned to be wild. To be confident in himself. And it hurt more knowing you taught him to.Â
Eventually, you finally gathered all your belongings from your former home, opting to move in with your homie for life, Ivan, who accepted you with open arms. He didn't even say a word to your family or the Parks, but they still somehow managed to find out, awestruck and just as heartbroken as you were at the sudden separation. They couldn't blame your for wanting to leave, though. It just gravely affected them too, since you and Sunghoon practically came as a pair in gatherings or even just a normal dinner on a Tuesday night.Â
It was gonna be hard filling out the cracks he's left on you and your family, (and vice versa), but you'll have to manage, and you are managing it. Just not in the healthiest way possible.
 - to be continued -Â
#enhypen smut#enhypen hard thoughts#enhypen#enha fluff#park sunghoon x reader#park sunghoon smut#park sunghoon#sunghoon soft hours#sunghoon hard thoughts
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How to train your Loki: step one, keep a hand on him at all times uwu
TACTILE HUSBANDS MY BELOVED
Mobius says "buddy" but his hands say "mine"
It has become evident that Mobius M. Mobius operates under the belief that maintaining constant physical contact with Loki Laufeyson is both necessary and expected. Mobius is just as bad as loki, maybe worse, because he does it so casually.
Mobius treats touching Loki like itâs part of his TVA-issued training. Standard protocol. Routine maintenance. mobius is so handsy with Loki. like absurdly so. like âi was assigned this god and now i must handle him at all timesâ levels of physical contact.
Mobius executes all physical contact with the effortlessness of someone who has done this a thousand times before. He never hesitates, never second-guesses. Itâs all instinct
The man does not need to look at Loki to reach for him. Half the time heâs still talking, barely paying attention, but the hand lands. Itâs automatic. Muscle memory.
Mobius does not believe in personal space when it comes to Loki. If Loki is within grabbing distance, he is grabbing.
Mobius M. Mobius touches Loki like itâs his job. Like itâs second nature. Like he doesnât know how not to. like heâs saying you donât have to go. And Loki, who spent lifetimes being untouchable, unreachable, a trick of the light, lets him.
Mobius never holds him down, he grounds him. every touch is steadying, reassuring, saying Im here, I see you, I know you.
Imagine being loki. you are untouchable. you are elusive. you have spent your entire existence slipping through peopleâs fingers, refusing to be held. and then you meet this man. This ridiculous little TVA agent who just. grabs you. and doesnât let go. and for some reason??? you let him. itâs all so quiet, so natural, like neither of them ever learned another way to speak. so they just touch. in small, unconscious ways. like itâs normal. like theyâre allowed.
This is husband behavior. this is emotional support norse god-wrangling behaviour. this is âstay close to meâ behaviour.
#mobius âi gotta keep a hand on my husband at all timesâ m. mobius#loki#lokius#loki laufeyson#mobius m mobius#mobius holds onto loki like heâs afraid heâll slip through his fingers and isnât that just devastating because in the end he does.#mobius mcu#mobius#marvel#loki odinson#loki series#loki mcu#text post#mobius wrangling his little chaos god like a seasoned pro#if loki wanders off mobius will simply retrieve him#this is less âprofessional guidanceâ and more âi just like having my hands on youâ#what do you mean time agents donât come with complimentary touch-starved gods#grabbing loki like heâs a wayward husband in a crowded market#the real reason mobius does this is because he knows loki likes it#sir#this is not standard TVA protocol#tactile husband#tactile husbands my beloved#:3#i love them#i miss them#text#loki x mobius#mobius is whipped#tva loki
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Okay I've been trying to write this for more than a week but frustratingly wasn't able to properly line my thought. Recently thought about Kyrie's violent assassination of Jessica during Ep7's Tea Party. And while theres some plausible practical explanation of why she proceeded that way (on top of all those traits that could be purposefully exaggerated) I always thought her sudden blood lust at that point felt a bit odd. I re-read the scene.
And I think it retroactively says a lot. Now I kinda want to go back to Rudolf in relationship to sexuality, women and by extension what it means for the people around him. Rudolf didn't have a lot of ways to establish a place, as a third in rank who was abused and mistreated by his older and more powerful siblings. Women thus became Rudolf's wealth, status symbol and means of control. Starting with using seduction towards the younger servants to isolate his little sister so she had no allies in the household, making himself a desirable option as a charismatic man bragging about money to have women fight over him during college and finally ending with the best of both worlds, marrying a kind and submissive woman (epitome of The Wife) while keeping the more exotic option on the side as a mistress (basically his Whore). Both being kept on their toes knowing losing him would also mean losing a life opportunity especially once pregnant. Rudolf made efforts and sacrifices to make each one of them stay at their assigned place which finally lead to the baby switching. And everything would have ran smoothly if not for Asumu's death, upgrading Kyrie from her mistress place to wife.
Rudolf's "attraction" towards Natsuhi is interesting. Whether it's played as jokes or comments about her looks it does seem trivial enough to never have triggered outward hostility from Kyrie since she is not an actual threatening woman. She however represents the wife fantasy by her seemingly pure and naive demeanor and motherly side, qualities that also drew him towards Asumu in the first place (and we know Natsuhi is more complicated than that and so was Asumu, probably it's more about the idea) and was lost after her death. He can't seduce her (she is maybe more disgusted by his ways than anything), She is also paradoxically not the best woman to go after by societal standards (being older, already having a kid). Finally she is married to a man who's superior to him (through hierarchy and physical strength), making her a prized possession by extension. During Episode's 8 Bern's game Rudolf finds sadistic pleasure of murdering Natsuhi in ways similar to sexual assault (putting the pen of the gun down her throat) which could be speculated as a way to get revenge on Krauss by defiling his wife and getting to have his way with a woman he cannot, and could never have at the same time. She is unreachable which is itself the appeal.
Meanwhile, Kyrie only reached the position of the wife because the first option died and she now has to spend the rest of her life making sure that place isn't stolen. Throughout the conference Kyrie actively performs a less assertive version of herself to fit that very wife image. One could fear any sign of fondness from Rudolf towards Natsuhi's character could trigger Kyrie past insecurities as it would betray a yearning for what Asumu was, what is still lacking within her. Especially since, by the time of Ep7's tea party, she is aware of the baby switching and by extension, of Rudolf purposeful sabotage to avoid having to marry her. It's hard for Kyrie to adapt to Rudolf's ideals because they're ultimately contradictory (seeking her because she is "different", ruthless, less conventional, yearning for a more quiet, meek woman who wouldn't challenge him).
Although Natsuhi is, as a person, inoffensive to her, Kyrie's initial mistake with Asumu (which haunts her to this day) was letting a woman she thought was inoffensive take her place by being exactly that. (I'll also note that Rudolf comments towards Natsuhi are often said in front of Kyrie which is interesting to say the least).
And at the same time Natsuhi is also a reminder of the position Kyrie would be stuck in if she wasn't able to escape her family to marry Rudolf. Theres probably some turmoil there. She never seemed hostile to Natsuhi because of all those reasons and I think it's probably because nothing is actively taking place, nothing is about her as a person. But even if, things to keep in mind is that, Kyrie performs a lot, extremely well and she has absolutely no angle or justification to be confrontational during the conferences. Basically if she actually beared resentment, theres a chance we would never know.
Then what about Jessica. Jessica previously being praised by Rudolf for looking like Natsuhi in something that seemed like a passing comment getting violently assaulted to the point of being disfigured. Kyrie even throwing in a comment about being used to smashing women faces, something that was certainly aimed at romantic rivals. I don't think Rudolf actually ever showed interest towards Jessica in that way and by extension I don't think Kyrie considered her to be a romantic or sexual rival as a person. At the time Kyrie confronts her Natsuhi already died rather quickly (and anticlimactically). Jessica is her mother's good looks though younger but with those less conventional attractive qualities, who fought back when attacked thus literally standing between Kyrie and her escape, metaphorically embodying the ultimate rival. Close enough to be a reminder, far enough to actually oppose threat. Disfiguring as catharsis and as symbolic rage against what she represents, "A waste a of a good Natsuhi-esque woman" with all that it entails.
#umineko spoilers#umineko no naku koro ni#nana is posting#umineko#listen that is the worm that was way too comfortable in the apple that is my brain and it needs to get out so take it or leave it#even if im unsure about it#long post#kyrie ushiromiya#rudolf ushiromiya
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Trauma-Dumping on your plants: The Anthony J. Crowley Chronicles
This has been living in my silly head rent free for so long, I finally decided to slap it on here in hopes of thinking about it a little less (than three times a day. It's been years. I need to get over it.)
Also, I'm absolutely certain I'm not even remotely the first person to realize or post about this, since it's not the hardest of parallels to figure out. Alas, I still shall, because out of mind, out of sight and all that. So:
Let's talk about how Crowley is using his houseplants to work through his own Trauma of the Fall. Or, well, maybe not work through it per se, but more so roleplay it to give it somewhat of an an outlet because he never got over it. Lol.
It's not rocket science to figure it out and God Herself actually gives us a pretty spot-on explanation of it in her own narration.
Crowley's plants are perfect. They're, as God Herself tells us, the most luxurious and beautiful in all of London. He takes great care of them, waters them, mists them. Does any and everything to give them the perfect conditions so they won't have a worry in the world.
And yet, we're immediately shown that despite the seemingly perfect conditions they're living in, Crowley's plants still get *gasps quietly* spots. And we all know how Crowley feels about that:
It seems like such an unnecessary tiny thing to get upset about, right? Like, plants get spots all the time. They're not perfect, they're part of nature and nothing is ever perfect in nature. Crowley would know that by now. Imperfection is the whole point of nature. If everything had stayed exactly the way it always was, nothing would have ever changed or evolved.
Besides, Crowley is a demon. If it were merely about aesthetics to him, he could easily miracle away any spot with a blink of his serpent eyes. But he gets so angry about it, it's almost comical. At first we think it's just to show us, the audience, that, in contrast to Aziraphale, who cares very dearly and lovingly for his books, Crowley is a mean, mean demon who, instead of being outwardly nice to the things he loves (like Aziraphale does), yells at his plants because he's a mean meanie.
But! If you look at the whole scene and what God says, it's pretty obvious what he's actually doing is something else entirely: "What Crowley does is he puts the fear of God in them. Or, the fear of Crowley. The plants are the most luxurious and beautiful in London. Also the most scared."
Folks, this man dude serpent is literally roleplaying the concept of God/Heaven threatening angels with their Fall in order to keep them obedient ... with his houseplants.
Have I mentioned yet that I am absolutely obsessed with him and also desperately wanna get him a therapy voucher?
Because what does he do once he sees a plant disobeying his rules of perfection and acting out? The same thing God did to her questioning, equally disobedient angels (including Crowley): Parade it in front of the very scared rest, making an example of it ...

... only to then, well ...

... quite literally chuck it out.
To anyone else, this seems like a completely ridiculous thing to do over a tiny, minuscule spot. There would have been a bunch of other ways to go about fixing that spot.
Figuring out what it was the plant needed that might not have been given to it yet.
Taking care of it in a different, individual way so it would have been able to thrive again.
Listening to the plant and letting it tell you why its spot appeared in the first place.
Telling the plant, that loves and relies on you entirely, you love it too, despite it not being without fault, despite of it not fully living up to your unreachable standards of perfection.
Caring for the plant not because you want it to be perfect, but because you're okay with it being imperfect.
(We're no longer talking about plants here, as you are probably aware.)
Alas, this isn't what Crowley does. Because it wasn't what God did, either. We still know very little about Crowley's actual Fall and the Fall of Lucifer and the rest. But we do know that Crowley was never like or even with them.
All he did was ask some questions. A tiny spot. A seemingly insignificant blemish in the luxurious, beautiful flora of Heaven.
And yet, before he knew it, he did a "million lightyear freestyle dive into a boiling pool of sulfur". Cast out, chucked away, just like his little spotty plant. And for what? Well ...
... to keep the others angels plants check, for the rest of time.
***
(Addendum from the comments: If we go by what the book tells us, Crowley doesnât actually end up violently throwing out the âbadâ plants. He just finds a different place for them and makes sure theyâre looked after. So much to him being a big, bad, meanie-mean demon.)
#botany over therapy#harvest the garden of your emotional trauma#its ok crowley just take my hand ill take you to a nice doctor#crowley#good omens#good omens season 1#crowley's fall#he's not even close to ever being over it#which is understandable#ineffable trauma#the plants are a metaphore#my own meta
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Mr. âI don't feel a thing/I am not humanâ proceeds to show anger which is a human emotion. The contradictions with Sukuna are still persisting with Yuuji since with all others, he never had that issue. He never acted the same with others like he did and does with Yuuji. After all, the way he responds to love (to admiration) is by killing. He doesn't know what to do nor how to feel with Yuuji.
Still, something that is bothering me a lot is that for someone who is clearly very intent (and yes, that means emotionally invested) on killing everyone just because of Yuuji, it's pretty clear that he's obviously feeling and not incapable of feeling. Now, we can also speculate that he's afraid of being shown pure compassion (the kind Yuuji embodies) after years and years of being feared and being admired for his strength, standing on a pedestal away from everyone's hands. It would be obvious considering how he came into the world and what he did to achieve the status he's proudly wearing now. He's been seen as a monster, as the King of Curses, as a curse for a lot of years. Never as a human.
After all, Sukuna is someone who had survived a lot of years alone, persisted through the Golden Age of Jujutsu and is still persisting in the modern era. Untouchable, unreachable. Unseen and unknown.
And maybe he wants it to remain that way?

Yuuji is asking the right question. Why me? Why invest yourself? Why all that hate? Does it have an answer? He can only feel pity because all that anger is seemingly empty of reason. Sukuna gives no answer for why, only claims that he understands what Yuuji is telling him but feels nothing. Yuuji can't understand that even if he wanted to, which is why he separated them from others and trapped them in this domain in the first place. He still wanted to know why, even if Sukuna is someone he loathes and he admits it to his face.
Now, considering that Sukuna had unusually obliged Yuuji's request and went on a walk with him, with no threats nor attacks which is again quite unusual, and yet only lashed at him when he realized that Yuuji was feeling pity for himâ we can conclude what gave Yuuji the idea to give chase, to try and reach him (someone who ruined his life and talk with him despite everything because it's true that Sukuna was there when he was the loneliest, dwelling inside of him and keeping him company), and why he's feeling pity, why he's compassonate towards him.
Yuuji thought there was something hiding behind that hate. Something about him, perhaps. So he shows him a lot of his life (something he never did with anyone btw) and even shares some of his past with him, creates memories with him also, and says that to him, this is what humans are all about. He shows him a different view, hoping it'll change his mind, prompt him to talk.
But that fails. After all: You can admire a blooming flower, but you can't ask it to understand you. Both of them are vastly different from each other, and even if they had rubbed off on each other slightly, they still persist on being who they always were without changing themselves for each other. They're unable to understand each other nor the ways they change each other quite subtly. Yuuji had changed a lot, went from being adamant on not killing to reducing himself to nothing but a curse killer (a cog in the machine) only to embrace that his life is worth something in the end and Sukuna had embraced emotions (even if denying it) when it came to Yuuji, started seeing other people's viewpoints and kept indulging Yuuji even if he was pathetic by his standards. He went all that way to crush his ideals and now is going his way to kill everyone Yuuji loves. He cares, your honor, even if he claims he has no reason behind it.
What's funny to me really is that Yuuji went through all that and wanted to have a conversation with him (he claims he was frantic, meaning he really really wanted to talk) before it really was too late.

He said, âI can kill you but... you can also live if you come back to me.â If anything it just proves Yuuji does actually care about him, even if it isn't said out loud. After all, he took him through his hometown, made memories with him and bared parts of himself he never showed to anyone else and is still giving him a chance. He had Sukuna fish, he had him shoot arrows. Had him be a human and not a jujutsu sorcerer. That cannot be hate.
Just how Sukuna's hatred towards Yuuji is unexplainable, Yuuji's pity towards Sukuna is as well. And that's something only the two of them have. Something nobody can understand, not even them.
#melspeaks#yuuji#sukuna#sukuita#man these chapters are throwing me left and right#there's something so melancholic about all of this idk why#something something we'll never understand each other even if we're sharing everything; even our souls#makes me cry tbh
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Hate you too:
âThey called again,â you said softly, tracing the rim of your own mug.
Harryâs stirring slowed, then stopped. He looked up at you, his gaze immediately softening, full of that familiar, unwavering affection that always felt like coming home. âAnd?â he prompted gently, his voice laced with a kind concern that only he seemed to possess in such abundance.
You sighed, the weight of it pressing down on your chest. âThe usual. They want us to come over for dinner next weekend. Sunday roast, apparently. Mum said it's been ages.â
A muscle ticked in Harryâs jaw. He set his spoon down with a soft clink. âIt has been ages,â he echoed, his tone flat. âBecause the last time we went, your father spent the entire evening dissecting my career choices and your mother kept asking when we were âgoing to get seriousâ about⌠well, everything.â
You winced. You knew where this was going. It was a conversation youâd had countless times, a carefully choreographed dance around a very prickly subject. Your parents. Harryâs deep-seated, almost visceral dislike for them.
âThey donât mean anything by it, Harry,â you started, the familiar defense rising to your lips. It was a well-worn phrase, uttered so many times it felt almost hollow even to your own ears. âThey just⌠theyâre just⌠like that.â
âExactly,â Harry said, his voice quiet but firm. âThatâs precisely the problem, isnât it, love? They are âjust like thatâ. And âlike thatâ is⌠well, itâs a lot of things, none of them particularly pleasant.â He reached across the small table, taking your hand in his. His fingers, warm and strong, squeezed yours reassuringly. âLook, Yn, you know I adore you. Youâre the most incredible person Iâve ever met. Kind, generous, brilliant, and you have a heart that could light up the entire bloody city. But your parentsâŚâ He trailed off, searching for the right words, his green eyes filled with a mixture of frustration and something akin to sadness.
âThey love me,â you said, a faint question hanging in the air, even to yourself.
Harry didnât argue. He was too honest, too gentle, to outright deny a parentâs love for their child. Instead, he said, âIn their own way, perhaps. But love doesnât have to be⌠conditional, Yn. It doesnât have to come with a side of constant criticism and veiled disapproval.â
You knew he was right. Youâd grown up in that atmosphere, accustomed to the subtle barbs, the never-ending expectations, the feeling that you were constantly falling short of some invisible, unreachable standard. Youâd learned to navigate it, to deflect, to minimize, to pretend it didnât sting. But Harry, with his open heart and unwavering optimism, saw it with a clarity that sometimes made you ache.
âItâs just⌠their personalities,â you repeated, lamely. âTheyâre⌠traditional. They want what they think is best for me.â
Harry sighed, running a hand through his dark hair. âTraditional isnât an excuse for being rude, dismissive, and frankly, rather⌠small-minded. They pick at you, Yn. They constantly undermine your confidence, even if they donât realize it. And they treat me like Iâm some kind of⌠unwelcome distraction in your life.â
He wasn't wrong. You remembered last Christmas dinner. Your fatherâs condescending remarks about Harryâs freelance writing career, masked as âfriendly advice.â Your motherâs pointed questions about when you were going to âsettle downâ and find a âproper job,â as if your passion for your own work was somehow less valid. Youâd tried to brush it off, to laugh it away, but you'd seen the hurt flicker in Harryâs eyes, and it had broken your heart.
âTheyâre just⌠worried, maybe?â you offered, grasping for any explanation that would bridge the chasm between Harryâs perception and your ingrained loyalty.
âWorried?â Harry asked, raising an eyebrow. âAbout what, exactly? That Iâm going to whisk you away to live in a commune and deny you all modern conveniences? Darling, Iâm practically the definition of conventional compared to some of my friends.â He chuckled dryly, but the underlying seriousness remained. âNo, Yn. Itâs not worry. Itâs⌠something else. Itâs like they have a pre-conceived idea of who you should be, and theyâre determined to mold you into that, regardless of who you actually are. And anyone who doesnât fit into that mold, well⌠theyâre just not good enough.â
His words resonated with a painful truth. Youâd always felt that subtle pressure, that invisible mold they were trying to force you into. And Harry, with his free spirit and unconventional dreams, was definitely not part of their carefully constructed picture.
âSo, what do we do?â you asked, the question heavy with the unspoken burden of your predicament. You loved Harry. You loved him fiercely, deeply, in a way that illuminated your entire world. But they were your parents. The people who had raised you, who had shaped you, even if that shaping hadnât always been gentle or kind.
Harry took a deep breath, his green eyes meeting yours with unwavering honesty. âIâm not asking you to choose, Yn. Never. But I canât pretend itâs easy. I canât pretend I enjoy spending time with people who, quite frankly, make me feel like Iâve done something wrong just by existing.â He paused, softening his tone. âAnd more importantly, I hate seeing them chip away at you. You deserve to be surrounded by people who lift you up, who celebrate you, who see you for the incredible human being you are, flaws and all. Not people who try to diminish you to fit their narrow expectations.â
His words were like a balm to a wound you hadnât fully acknowledged. Youâd become so accustomed to the subtle digs, the constant undercurrent of disapproval, that youâd almost normalized it. Hearing Harry articulate it so clearly, so compassionately, made you realize just how much it had been affecting you.
âI know,â you whispered, tears pricking at the corners of your eyes. âI know youâre right.â
Harry squeezed your hand again, his thumb gently stroking your skin. âPerhaps⌠perhaps we can try to set some boundaries. For both our sakes. Maybe we donât have to go to every single Sunday roast. Maybe we can limit our visits, and when we do go, we can⌠prepare ourselves. Have an escape plan. And most importantly, we can support each other. We face it together.â
His words were a lifeline. A promise of partnership, of shared strength. It wouldnât magically solve the problem, you knew that. Your parents were unlikely to change overnight. But knowing you werenât alone, knowing you had Harry by your side, made it feel⌠manageable.
âAn escape plan?â you asked, a small smile finally gracing your lips.
Harry grinned, his eyes lighting up with that familiar spark of mischief. âAbsolutely. Pre-arranged phone calls. Emergency biscuit runs. Perhaps even a secret signal involving the salt and pepper shakers.â
You laughed, the tension easing from your shoulders. âSalt and pepper shakers?â
âDesperate times, darling, desperate measures,â he winked. âBut seriously, love. We can do this. Weâll navigate this⌠familial minefield, together. And weâll prioritize our own happiness, our own well-being. Because thatâs what matters, isnât it? Us.â
He leaned in, his forehead resting against yours, his green eyes searching yours, filled with that unwavering love and understanding. In that moment, surrounded by the scent of Earl Grey and lavender, with the golden sunlight warming your faces, you knew he was right. It was about âusâ. About building a life filled with warmth and kindness and genuine affection. A life where love wasn't conditional, but freely given, just like Harry gave it to you, every single day. And that, you realized, was more than enough. It was everything.
âOkay,â you said, your voice stronger now, filled with a newfound resolve. âSalt and pepper shakers it is. And maybe⌠maybe we can just say no to Sunday roast next week. We could have our own roast. Here. Just us.â
Harry smiled, a genuine, warm smile that reached his eyes and chased away the last vestiges of the shadow that your parents often cast. âIâd like that very much,â he said, his voice soft but certain. He kissed you then, a slow, tender kiss that tasted of tea and comfort and the promise of a future where you and Harry faced everything, even difficult families, together, hand in hand, heart to heart.
And somehow, in that moment, you knew that whatever challenges lay ahead, as long as you had each other, youâd be okay. Youâd be more than okay. You'd be home.
#harry styles#harry styles imagine#harry styles and yn#harry styles fanfiction#harry â¤ď¸ yn#harry x yn#harry and yn#harry styles x you#harry x reader#harry styles x reader#harry loves yn#harry styles imagines#harry styles blurbs#harry styles one shot#harry styles fic#harry styles fanfic#harry styles oneshot
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I had no power during a tropical storm so I wrote a bunch of shit by candlelight, like a Victorian ruler. So I'm sorry for the spam posts but...
Enjoy I guess.
Let's start with one thing that has been on my mind for a while; if Emma had been able to raise the Cuckoos from day one, she would've put an emphasis on them all being different, not just a hive mind. She maybe would've stuck with the matching outfits but she wouldn't have let anyone group them up. They had names. It's something I see in a lot of twins or parents of twins (being a twin myself) is that eventually, you want to be different. And the Cuckoos were all different at one time, two dead, three dying their hair. But then the Krakoa era started and I understood in a way why they all went back to looking the same. They were a complete set again.
But I think that if Emma had raised them, they'd all be individuals in their own way. Even their rooms, which are important to any kid, are your first chance to portray and discover your interests and a safe haven for you. In the White Palace, they share one room, by choice. And I think they would do that in any universe. They want to be close and probably never slept separately until Phoebe and Sophie (? I think) died. So I think they'd have one room together. But they'd have different decors and aesthetics if they were only allowed to have a character arc outside of being evil, dead, or a hive mind. More than just a few interests shown or spats between them.
I would imagine they'd get to decorate the space by their beds and that would be that. Kind of like the og X-Men dorms, if you've seen that panel, where it's the boy's dorm and everyone has a section of the floor and walls to decorate to their tastes (and sadly, Scott's is empty and barren). But their room would have that vibe.
And Emma would be so organized with them. She's a good mom. On top of her shit, not like Hazel. Not overbearing and with unreachable standards that her father. Everything would be in certain folders, certains baskets, certain bags, their names on each thing. Or even just their initals. Her assistant would have to keep with all of their after-school activities just as well as Emma does because the driver shoulder never be late. Emma would have a fit if her daughters ever thought she forgot. Meaning every dance practice, gymnastics competition, swim meet, beauty pagent, whatever the Cuckoos wanted to join, had to be put in the calander next to Emma's meetings and such. Only the best private schools but Emma is not afraid to pull them out if they want, unlike her parents when she was telling about her being the outcast, or letting her girls pass because of how much money Emma gave the school to improve.
Just let Emma be a mom. Not just an at-arms-length mom.
(The Emma mini-series in the comics really is one of my favorite things, despite the weird teacher thing. It was a wonderful insight into her character and why she acts the way she does with her students/children. Mainly because of how her parents were. I also think Emma enjoys seeing how close the Cuckoos are as sisters because the only sibling she's close to is Christian and all her sisters tried to kill her and they never recovered from it.)
#x men#x men comics#emma frost#stepford cuckoos#esme cuckoo#sophie cuckoo#phoebe cuckoo#Irma Cuckoo#mindee cuckoo#celeste cuckoo#frost family#the white queen
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Spoilers for Pjo now I guess. Never thought Iâd have to type that out.
I have a feral urge to write a fanfic from the perspective of Olympus while all the events of Pjo where going down.
Like what were the political standings like when it was Zeus vs Posiden and it looked like another war was about to break out?
What were the Gods relations with one another and what were their relationships like with the other nymphs and Saytrs and Minor Gods that live on that mountain?
I know Hades isnât really close with anyone on Olympus but do Zeus and Posiden have any sort of relationship with their sisters?
What about Hephaestus and Ares. They werenât on good terms in the myths but Aphrodites story is presented a lot differently in the books from traditional Greek hyms.
How is Ares and Zeusâ relationship. It must be pretty strong if Zeus doesnât punish him for switching over to Kronos side just for the sake of starting a war when Apollo interacting with one of his descendants to give Octavian his blessings was punished as badly as him killing the cyclopses or killing Python, and overthrowing Zeus.
What about the girls? Do Athena and Artemis get along? Theyâve both taken vows of chastity and are both adept in weapons and fighting (plus they both piss of Aphrodite, if thatâs not something to bond over then what is)
Like I need to know how they all interact with each over, who they like and dislike and why?
I also would love to see how trauma affects their view of the world.
I mean Demeter, Hestia, Hera, Hades, Posiden and Zeusâ father tried to murder them when they were born so I imagine their judgment on healthy household relations is understandably skewed.
And then thereâs the next generation.
Athena, Aries, Hephaestus, Artemis and Apollo.
Athena is canonically the golden child in the myths so how does that affect her?
She tried to overthrow Zeus in the myths so thereâs clearly some tension there. Does she like being his favourite child or does she despise the pressure constantly placed on her to conform to an unreachable standard of perfection?
And What about Ares and Hephaestus? Hera considered them both embarrassments in different ways. Of course the infamous story of Hephaestusâ birth and how ugly he was, but then thereâs Ares who is constantly in his sisters shadow despite them both being Gods of war.
It wouldâve shamed Hera in those times to have a son who looses out to the bastard child of one of Zeus flings, but to have two sons both be subpar compared to the kids Zeus had with other woman?
Thatâs gotta create some rivalry for daddyâs favourite, and maybe a silent understanding between Ares and his brother.
And then we have the twins. Apollo who looking at all his attributes is definitely suffering from some sort of burnout as well as his father constantly punishing him with lightning probably some resentment there and maybe even some towards Artemis.
As far as we know sheâs never been in trouble with Zeus despite âmeddling in mortal affairsâ by helping Leo and Piper. Again maybe something to do with favouritism Zeus seems very partial to the woman in his family. Plus she doesnât spend a lot of time on Olympus, maybe sheâs as silently resentful as Apollo.
Though we see her worrying for him in blood of Olympus and he breaks the ancient âno meddlingâ laws in Titans curse in order to help save her. So theyâre clearly close, but I donât think she knows about the lightning thing. Iâm not sure if Zeus punishes just Apollo with it, though we hear no mention of any of the other gods experiencing physical abuse from their father.
Then we have the youngest and most recent generation (Iâm splitting them into their own category cause theyâre the only major gods to be birthed by humans)
Dionysus and Hermes.
We see in sea of monsters that Hermes doesnât seem to really find joy in his position as a god anymore, maybe the stuff he did used to be fun but itâs gotten monotonous, even stressful with how much stuff he has to do and with no one to help.
Honestly maybe thatâs a bonding experience? Him and Apollo silently lamenting about how exhausted they are by all their jobs?
And Dionysus. He seems to be seen as some sort of perpetual joke by Zeus, at least in the books. I mean why else give such a long winded and honestly disproportional response for such a minor action.
I mean even Apollos punishment (though being a lot worse) only lasted a couple months.
And the thing I havenât even touched on with Hermes and Dionysus being from human descent. Do they miss their old lives?
Hermes had only been born a couple days before he was sent to Olympus, but still, it wasnât as though he could bring his mother with him. Does he miss her? Or see her as some stranger he left behind. Did he mourn her death? Did Dionysus mourn his own mother. Was he angry with Zeus when he learnt his own father was the reason for her death? If he did what could he do about it?
And Dionysus spent years in the human realm (depending on which myths you look at) did he have friends? Lovers? How did he feel when they died and he continued to live on?
The Gods are left relatively untouched despite being such a large part of the series and itâs events, even ToA doesnât give us a lot more than what audience already knew from myths and reading previous books.
Theyâre so intriguing to me because thereâs something so human about their actions despite how vehemently theyâd probably claim against it. In some ways theyâre almost identical to people and it makes me slightly insane that weâll never get to know everything about them all and the lives they led before the events of the series in modern New York.
#gods#percy jackson#pjo#apollo#aphrodite#athena#trials of apollo#zeus#leo valdez#piper mclean#percy jackon and the olympians#heroes of olympus#Hera#Hestia#Demter#Hades#posideon#artemis#Ares#hepheastus#myth#they drive me insane
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I just started a new semester, and I'm finally getting the chance to take Malayalam, which I've been trying to do since my undergrad. This is obviously a very exciting development, and it's so delightful to be in a language class again for the first time in ages, but it's also been a very unique experience as far as language classes go. First of all, for me, who is generally used to having very odd personal connections to a language and being the overachieving linguist of the class. And second of all because it's just a very different experience to be in a class largely oriented towards heritage learners and people with some cultural familiarity.
There are five people in the class. Of those five, four have Malayalee family and have had some exposure to Malayalam throughout our lives; the last person is a native speaker of another non-Dravidian South Asian language. Of the four of us who are Malayalee, I'm basically the only one who didn't have a significant amount of Malayalam at home growing up. What this means is that we've spent very little time on the phonetics of the language, because everyone roughly knows how to pronounce it - something which wouldn't be true if there were non-South Asian in the class! (It was a bit comforting to hear all the other Malayalees struggling with aspirated consonants, which have constantly been the bane of my existence, and then to hear the instructor say that few people pronounce them right in spoken Malayalam anyways.) The instructor could ask us to say things on the first day, and the more fluent speakers could say them. There is already Malayalam being mixed in with the instruction. I'm sure by the end of the semester we'll be having extended conversations - especially since the two of us who don't speak have very concrete communicative desires for our outside lives.
It's also a very scary experience for me, personally. Or maybe scary isn't quite the right word, but I've always felt out of my depth in claiming Malayalee heritage - I've always felt that there were so many things which I didn't know which any normal Malayalee would. There is no evidence that this is true, at least insofar as that my cousins with two Malayalee parents have wildly varying experiences and I'm not actually that far outside the norm. In most American spaces, I will never be clocked as white, and most people usually immediately identify me as South Asian. Nonetheless, I know that when I visited Kerala this past December, I was decidedly foreign - to the two guys speaking in rapid-fire Malayalam on the flight from Qatar, to the person at the immigration counter in Trivandrum, even to my own relatives. Part of it is a mental block on my part, of feeling myself foreign and therefore never letting myself belong. Part of it is that I am, ultimately, American. But either way, in this class, I can feel that I'm the American in the room, even when I'm not, even when my pronunciation is just as good as the other Malayalees and there's nothing that's telling me I can't belong. I keep freezing up when asked to say real things, or when people speak to me, because there's some unreachable standard in my brain of Not A Real Malayalee, and everything feels fraught and fragile. So maybe this semester will be about overcoming that.
It's still strange being in a language class where the instructor, on the first day, can look at you all and say, "You know why you're here, you want to be here, we all have a shared experience." But it's also a beautiful thing in its own way, and I'm really looking forward to taking on a language in this way. I love the structure and the logic of language, the puzzle of putting it together, the beauty of making friends in it and watching shows in it and listening to songs in it - but as I get older I find myself really reflecting on what it means to learn and to know a language. And sometimes those barriers to learning and to knowing are only in our minds, not in our worlds. Language is communication and connection, and I hope that Malayalam serves me to these two ends, even as it sometimes feels like a trial by fire at each word.
#it's really really lovely getting to study language again in a class setting i forgot how much i missed it#i've definitely been getting a lot more intentional about my language-learning in the last few years though#malayalam is always a challenge for me personally but i'm working on it and i think in that process it'll help me with other languages too#the more you dive into learning heritage languages though the more you realize that no one else feels like they're enough either#and there is beauty in that#anyways. i'll leave this at that. i do have some other malayalam material from my trip in december that i never posted#but we'll see if i ever manage to get around to that idk#malayalam:general
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DCRC Week #27
Today we're reading PKNA #22: Fragments of Autumn and it's about to get CRAZY IN THIS BITCH!!! WHO UP FRAGMENTING THEY AUTUMN?!?!?



Ok so first of all shoutout to every single piece of cover art for this comic for being absolutely breathtaking. And also shoutout to Lyla for having eyes that get bigger and more haunting each time.
Uuh yeah she's gonna shoot the BAD GUY why the fuck did you jump in front of her đ Idiot
oh my god it's SLENDERMAN
Well he was a cop so đ¤ˇââď¸
friend and admirer đđđ (in a gay way)
OH NAW THEY SENT BABYGIRL TO THE UNITED NATIONS
I've said it before but I'll say it again: who the fuck calls into a meeting in this stance đ seriously is he sitting on the floor?
Oh GOD the Raider is rubbing off on him we're gonna have to put him down
Image that's relevant for 99% of conversation about Lyla Lay
NO HE ATE HERE!!! LEONARD, FUCKING KILL THAT GUY LIVE IN THE COURTROOM I BELIEVE IN YOU
So Odin is seen here in some type of hotel room with a bed in the background right? So my question is, does he actually use that? Can he sleep??? I mean Lyla said she has a sort of "sleep" mode where she has dreams, and Odin is technically more advanced than her so surely he needs to take breaks too right? These are incredibly important questions I need to know about his snoozer potential
Breaking and entering together, just like old times!!! â¤ď¸
DID HE JUST CALL THEM CRACKERS
I like how much Donald is having fits of anger in this comic. Like yeah he's fucking everything up but it feels a lot closer to his usual character. Also I want him to kill.
"I'm going to do something Eidolon wouldn't approve of" YEAAHHH YEAH GO CRAZY GO STUPID
KILL HIM!!! KILL HIMMM THROW HIM OUT OF THE SHIP!!!! NOBODY WILL CARE IF HE DIES HE'S A POLITICIAN
Sorry maybe I shouldn't encourage PK every time he has violent fits but I think he should get to be a LITTLE homicidal. As a treat.
Soooo these panels are terrifying
Oh my GOD it was LEONARD VERTIGHEL ALL ALONG!!!!! (person who has totally not read this comic before and is definitely not pretending to be shocked)
"You don't know him" you shut your whore MOUTH. I mean not that Donald knows that he knows him well either BUT TECHNICALLY HE DOES.
Soooo instead of just making himself a robot wife that loved him from conception, he decided to make a bunch of pretty girl droid models, send them out in the world to develop their own personalities and memories, and THEN activate his secret little chip that would make them suddenly fall in love with him only AFTER they've become fully sentient beings with their own dreams and ambitions???........ EW
You just told us about your multi-year project to create someone to love you because none of the biological women met your "perfect" standards so... YEAH. You're an incel bro.
THE IMMENSE! THE UNIQUE! THE UNREACHABLE!!! A PRETTY GIRL IN A BIKINI WHO LOVES ME BACK
Odin please you can't just keep making vague references to your past with Donald I need them both to EXPLODE!!!!
Sooo that was Fragments of Autumn! (I'm not including anything here for the bonus comic cause I already hit the image limit, sorry to anyone that stans the Evron bonus comics or whatever.)
There was a LOT to soak in there between messages of love and autonomy and consent, but I mean HEYYY it sounds like Odin made some good deals for droid rights at the end there! So even if Lyla's big messy trial didn't amount to much, there's at least less of a chance that something like this will happen again in the future. Probably.
I'm sorry to Leonard Vertighel that he couldn't find the most perfectest woman ever to fall in love with him but also like, idk just get on Tinder or something bro. Go to the club.
I have a LOT of questions about Vertighel (specifically who this random fucking guy is and why Odin trusted him so much) but we're not ever gonna see him again in this series so for all intents and purposes we can just assume he burned to death in that lab fire. RIP bozo!!! Yes I know he's in PKNE but that's not relevant right now just let me have dreams
Coming up later this week: Crismus đđđť
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2.3 graphic! 2.2 graphic here
as always this post is leak free but my blog DOES contain leaks and spoilers, so please mute "#hsr spoilers" and "#hsr leaks" if you don't want to see that stuff <3
Trailblazer will not be considered in these stats because they are a null character.
TYPES
Fire: 7
Ice: 8
Lightning: 7
Wind: 6
Physical: 8
Quantum: 8
Imaginary: 6
Fire is now in the middle of the pack with Lightning while Quantum is boosted to the front with Ice and Physical.
PATHS
Destruction: 9
Erudition: 7
The Hunt: 7
Harmony: 8
Nihility: 9
Preservation: 4
Abundance: 6
Destruction is, once again, tied for most populous path with Nihility (who could've guessed? LOL). Erudition gained one more unit.
RARITY
Limited 5-Star: 23
Standard 5-Star: 7; Overall 5-Star: 30
4-Star: 21
For a second version in a row we did not receive any drip marketing for a new 4-star! I think the absence of one in 2.2 is fair considering the hinting they did with Trailblazer's hat in the live, but what's the reason in 2.3? It's not a big deal regardless but still strange.
OVERLAP
There are now 9 overlaps of unit path/type combinations. Neither Firefly nor Jade are new type/path combinations, although both are new rarities for their combos as well as the first overlapping combos for their respective types. The only type without an overlapping combination is Imaginary.
Fire/Destruction- Hook & Firefly
Quantum/Erudition- Qingque & Jade
Physical/Harmony- Hanya & Robin
Physical/The Hunt- Sushang & Boothill
Ice/Preservation- March 7th & Gepard
Ice/Destruction- Jingliu & Misha
Lightning/Erudition- Serval & Jing Yuan
Lightning/Nihility- Kafka & Acheron
Wind/Nihility- Sampo & Black Swan
Unfulfilled combinations:
Erudition- Wind & Imaginary
The Hunt- Lightning
Preservation- Fire, Wind, Lightning, & Physical
Abundance- Ice
MODELS
F child: 2
F short: 9
F med: 11
F tall: 11
M short: 3
M med: 4
M tall: 10
Wow, two more women in a Hoyo game? I'm so surprised! Seriously though, Jade is the first Quantum unit that has a tall model (all Quantum units up until this point have been F med or F short). Of course this is assuming that Jade has an F tall model but, realistically, her proportions are that of most F tall models so I'd say it's a safe bet. We already know Firefly is an F med model. No love for the boys or the children this version.
I don't feel like repeating old info so I'll try to be quick: Quantum is all women while Imaginary is all men except for Yukong. We have not received a new F child unit since launch (happy one year HSR!).
OVERALL + OTHER THOUGHTS
Not much to say about this update in terms of statistics or units. I'm REALLY hoping we get Sunday by 2.4, but there's also a good chance 2.4 will take us to a previous location to give players a breather from Penacony, so we might need to wait a bit longer for Sunday đŤĄ
I'm also surprised that we didn't get Screwllum for 2.3 considering they mentioned updating the Simulated Universe in 2.3! Very unfortunate for Screwllum enjoyers.
After Penacony... maybe a Japanese-themed location? We've already got hints of one from both Sparkle and Acheron (although Acheron's home is probably unreachable now...)
Thanks for reading this far if you did! Maybe consider following this account? Or not since this is basically a gacha ramble account LOL
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Anyway the only men I wanted to actually fuck were:
1. Non existent (come on y'all know who)
2. Unreachable (long distance friends/cute guy from tiktok/Hozier)
3. Reachable but not on my league and I knew it (choir crush number 3#)
I also have severe standards for men and I am disgusted by the thought of a man touching me (platonically, but I think that's just trauma) even tho women are fine (also the type of men described by my standards is very feminine so)
Am I suffering from comphet or do I just need to live a little more? Maybe I do like men maybe just a very specific type idk
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The truth is, as much as I want to, I cannot see myself settling down in marriage. Maybe I need to accept that love is not meant for everyone. Should I consider myself lucky for not being committed to anyone?
There have been times when I've questioned my worth. Long ago, I gave love a chance, but unfortunately, we didn't end up together. At first, I thought our story was a tragedy, but as time went by and I matured, I began to see it as a blessing for both of us. God broke us apart because, deep down, I know we weren't ready.
Some people think I have unreachable standards for a man. Others say I'm too idealistic because I'm a bookworm. But none of that is true. Honestly, I've tried a few times, but it's just not for me, I often tell them that I'm looking for something I can't even define, something I haven't found in any man who has come along. It's still a mystery to me.
I've never kissed or shared my soul with anyone. I get interested, but the feeling fades as quickly as the sun sets and rises again. Maybe I need to accept that this is the end game for me, maybe I'm just fooling myself into thinking I'm waiting for someone who will come along and make me believe my heart was made to love.
I was once a hopeless romantic, waiting for my prince to come, take my hand in marriage, and bring me to his castle, just like in the fairy-tale happy endings. But now, I no longer believe in those stories. Life isn't like the books I've read. It can't be confined to chapters with predictable endings.
Sometimes, our "happy ending" isn't about being with someone else, but about discovering ourselves, understanding what we truly want, and becoming the person we're meant to be.
âđź: Rodmie Tamang
#love#writers and poets#female writers#i love you#writers on tumblr#poetry#female poets#love letters#black and white#writing#love story#love quotes#love quote tumblr#love quote life quotes#love quote of the day
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Immaculate Simplicity

Few sports memories I possess are as distinct and lasting as those of the 2008 Summer Olympics. Specifically the memory that comes to mind is that of the famed American swimmer Michael Phelps. He was at his peak. These memories are aided by being largely concurrent with a family vacation I enjoyed quite a bit in Virginia Beach; that and I was going into Junior Varsity swimming that Fall, my freshman year in High School.
That summer it seemed like every other day I was watching something new about Michael Phelps. He would become the most decorated Olympian of all time with what many posited were in-born skills. I am not kidding when I say the man has partially webbed toes and biologist seemed to agree his body was uniquely designed to be good at swimming. I can still see that perfect butterfly stroke in my mindâs eye. He was the perfect swimmer.
I never made it to varsity swimming. I was bad enough that in a less forgiving program they might have sent me back down to the modified team Iâd been on in Middle School. Within the same year I had been marveling at the swimming perfection of Michael Phelps I was swearing off competitive swimming myself due to a combination of hazing, lack of talent, and a newfound passion for Cross-Country running. I never got close to the same waters of swimming perfection.
We have a funny understanding of perfection donât we? Plainly we imagine some sterilized vision of faultless grace unreachable to our kindest conceptions of ourselves. We pick up an instrument and imagine a symphony orchestra in a concert hall. This thinking infects our cultural understandings of Christianity as well: heaven is a collection of cloud-bound harpists, the Saints are wise paragons illustrated like military generals, and for we Catholics there is Mary Immaculate conceived without sin.
The Immaculate Heart of Mary (referencing Maryâs Immaculate conception i.e. conceived without sin) is really the final boss of absurdly perfect religious ideas. On the face of it even the well-versed Christian might ask: Why do we need a sinless mother when the son she bore was sinless? Does that not make her less relatable? Does that not make her less human in a certain way?
When I gushed about the Blessed Mother back in May I touched on this briefly. The monthly Catholic devotions circle around to familiar themes. This is intentional in a way: prayer often involves repetition and what better things to repeat than the inner truths of the faith? What I wrote back in May was that Maryâs perfection did not make her any less human, it made her MORE human. Sin pulls us away from complete human flourishing, not towards it.
But this monthly devotion isnât about her immaculate conception, that comes in December. No, this is about Mary giving us the grace to be more human⌠and dare I say less sinful? More than that: Mary gives us the graces to be more. Maybe not Michael Phelps level graces, but graces that glow vibrantly in us, nonetheless. Yes, there will be shiny things in this article! But donât be blinded by the light, the simplicity of this devotion is what will keep you coming back.
This feels like an old habit now, but it has served me well: letâs dive into history to start!
The Miraculous Medal
Paris in 1830. The July Revolution is unfolding. Yes, the revolution Victor Hugo was writing about in Les MisĂŠrables. This revolution replaced one monarch with another. Charles X wanted to be a more dictatorial, absolute monarch so a good old fashioned French revolution threw him out for a cousin, Louis Philippe who accepted a constitution. He would preside over a decline in French living standards, so he was himself thrown out eighteen years later in another revolt of the French people.
The same year, in the same city, something miraculous was happening. Catherine Laboure, a daughter of Charity (the female religious order to the Vincentians established two centuries earlier by the great French Saint Vincent De Paul) had just entered the convent. On July 18th she was beckoned into the chapel by what she described as a childâs voice. Once there, the Blessed Virgin Mary spoke to her saying: âGod wishes to charge you with a mission. You will be contradicted, but do not fear; you will have the grace to do what is necessary. Tell your spiritual director all that passes within you. Times are evil in France and in the world.â
Four months later, the Blessed Mother actually appeared to Laboure during evening meditations. This time she displayed herself in an oval, the details of which are all laid out in the Miraculous medal itself. The most notable feature of the miraculous medal (see the thumbnail image of this post) is the words around the outside: âO Mary, conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee.â
Mary was adorned with gems, most of which glistening out radiant light. Catherine asked why some of the gems were not shining and the Blessed Mother responded: âThose are the graces for which people forget to ask.â More on this exhortation in a moment. Mary told Catherine to bring a description of the image she appeared within to her confessor who would make medallions for which graces would come to those who possessed them. This Catherine did.
After some time assessing the sincerity of Catherineâs visions, her confessor did bring the visions to the Archbishop anonymously, hoping to protect Catherine from backlash. The Archbishop approved the visions and medallions were made. The devotion spread rapidly and had a big impact on the tumultuous but soaring Catholicism of the nineteenth century. The devotion was influential in the 1854 proclamation of the Immaculate Heart of Mary by Pope Pius IX, the biggest âlong time comingâ proclamation in the history of the Catholic Church which weâll talk more about in December.
For her part Catherine Laboure would spend the next forty years of her life caring for the elderly and infirm outside Paris to the point she would be recognized as the Patron Saint of Seniors when she was canonized a Saint in 1947. Except for the four years immediately preceding her death in 1876 as she fell ill, Laboure gave her life exclusively to service, not the attention her visions had gained.
Nowadays you are likely to encounter the miraculous medal, in numbers, in any explicitly Catholic store or shrine. French Catholics practically throw them at you Iâve discovered. Just going to a Catholic shrine or on a retreat here or there I have come into a dozen of them. I also went to a Vincentian college, Niagara University, which helped my odds I suppose. The image itself, and its reverse, are densely packed with symbolic, prayerful meaning. Few devotions pack so much into such a little package.
The bottom of the front side has Mary standing atop the year 1830 which is a plain reference to the year of St. Catherine Laboureâs visions. The first words she spoke to Catherine are written around the outer parameter here. Maryâs arms are outstretched, symbolizing recourse to her, and the shining rays of light shine out from her hands extending the graces she told Catherine about.
As with most Marian depictions, Mary is standing on a globe representing her queenship of heaven and earth. Upon that globe is the serpent she strikes with her heel in reference to Genesis 3:15. We Catholics consider her the mysterious new eve discreetly referenced in that verse who crushes the forces of evil and sin by way of her brave acceptance of Jesus Christ before anyone else.
Before going to the symbolism on the reverse side of the medal I want to touch on this ability of Mary to dispense graces. All of Catholic Marian dogma really comes back to this idea that Mary is a mediatrix of the grace of God, indeed the premier mediatrix of that grace. Yes, Godâs grace shines upon all who seek his face, but Mary is the original co-mediatrix with Christ. She is the great guide to Jesus Christ and the primary conduit of the graces he so desperately wants to impart on us.
Worth the distinction here, particularly for my non-Catholic readers, Mary is a co-mediatrix with Christ, that is she helps dispense his grace (like a true mom) like she does in so many small, personal ways and in big ways with these Marian visitations we talk about. Mary is not co-redemptrix, that is she is not herself a redeemer of humanity, that is a title and role reserved entirely for Jesus Christ. This is a critical distinction and worth repeating when you find someone scandalized by Maryâs prominence in Catholic life. Pope Francis reaffirmed this co-mediatrix/co-redemptrix distinction as recently as 2020.
Onto the reverse side of the Miraculous Medal. Around the parameter is the twelve stars crowning Mary from Revelation 12:1. While Protestants take a more agnostic understanding of this passage, it is the belief of the Catholic and Orthodox Churches (and most non-Protestant churches for that matter) that this pregnant woman giving birth referenced is Mary. The twelve stars then become a loaded metaphor, a crown unique among all Saints, a sign of her queenship over the communion of Saints, all those who pursued Jesus in exemplary ways.
This is for the same deeply relational reasons I gushed about back in May, that Mary bravely chooses Jesus before any other human being; but also because the stars indicate a sacred continuity between Jews and Christians and of the character of God himself forever. In one sense, the stars are a symbol of eternity for the ancients, as far as they knew stars lasted forever. God is eternally with us and wants to extend his saving grace to us.
The number twelve is a reference to Godâs original chosen people, the nation of Israel, and their twelve tribes. The twelve stars also represent the Twelve Apostles, the foundation of Christianity and the tangible origin of the Church itself. The Twelve Apostles reference with the stars is also bluntly literally when we consider Mary a constant feature of Jesusâ earthly ministry. Those original twelve would have known Maryâs holiness quite well personally.
The twelve stars meaning goes so much deeper than I can fit in this article. Suffice to say Maryâs queenship which they represent is an honor and a grace given to all humanity via her intercession for us. Mary continually pleads our case to God outside of time and space in the realm of eternity. In the ancient world the most powerful queen in a royal court was usually the kingâs mother for various reasons. Maryâs Queenship would have made perfect sense in that period of history.
Central on the reverse side is the Marian Cross. This is a regular cross with the letter M beneath it, sometimes with a crossbar linking the two. The Marian Cross is meant to represent the Blessed Motherâs presence for her son all the way through the passion, especially the crucifixion. Mary and only two of Jesusâ followers were there throughout, the ultimate fruition of Maryâs devotion to Jesus which began when she accepted his conception at the Annunciation before he was born.
The two hearts beneath the Marian Cross are the Sacred Heart of Jesus and the Immaculate Heart of Mary. In June I went in depth on the Sacred Heart of Jesus, and I invite you to go back to that profound image of Jesusâ love for us in that article. The Immaculate Heart of Mary is shown with a sword piercing it. This sword represents Maryâs sorrows, namely the suffering she had to endure for her son.
Sidenote: the September devotion is the Seven Sorrows of Mary. That devotion dives deep into Maryâs experience of the salvific mission of her son. Moreover, the image itself is seven swords piercing her heart so we will explain this in much more detail next month.
I donât need to explain why the death of a child is a traumatic suffering. However, when we consider all that Mary went through we see how profound her motherly devotion was: after all she knew the mission her son was on. She was told before he was even born. She went ahead with it all anyway and felt every joy and suffering along the way, nonetheless. Maryâs Immaculate Heart is what this monthâs devotion is really all about.
Simplicity Immaculate
What are the graces âfor which people forget to askâ? That is the big question left open when you first encounter this devotion. As far as I have been able to ascertain there are no specific graces frequently missed being referenced here. Rather this is an invitation to be brave like Mary was and ask for Godâs grace. There is a simplicity to this worth noting. If you have a question, ask it. If you need help, request assistance. If you knock, the door will be opened for you. There is no magical thinking here: just an exhortation to be humble enough to ask for Godâs help.
I could go on and on about how powerful that message would have been in St. Catherine Laboureâs moment in history in a France clutched by revolution for the second time in many peopleâs lifetime, âTimes are evil in France and in the worldâ as the Blessed Mother said to Laboure, but I already went down the history hole once in this article. Still we might want to take on the comfort of that message: the ugliness of the times come and go. Divine grace always awaits us when weâre willing to accept it.
The kicker of the graces not asked for bit is the emphasis of a spiritual, almost psychologically heavy, chasm we feel between God and ourselves; the same chasm that often stops us from contemplating any personal ascent towards God or⌠dare I say perfection, Christian perfection. We donât consider that magnitude of holiness something we could ever do so we simply donât try or worse, perpetuate the idea its all an inaccessible religious standard of a bygone era.
I think I still love swimming. They normally capture my attention the most at every summer Olympics. Michael Phelps has now retired from competition. I got all excited to see him in the commentatorâs booth for the U.S. Olympic Trials this go around. He isnât defensive about his records. Michael Phelps is actually in regular contact with some of the most promising American swimmers in the pool these days.
Principal among those is one Katie Ledecky who is a handful of medals away from becoming the most decorated female Olympian of all time, an honor not far off from Phelpsâ own title as the most decorated Olympian of all time. The fun thing here is that Ledecky was a fan of Phelps since she was a child. She got his autograph when he was hardly twenty-one years old, in the early phases of stunning the swimming world. Ledecky was only nine years old at that time. That 2006 autograph was before those legendary Beijing Olympics that stick in my memory.
Ledecky took that inspiration and became the greatest female swimmer ever. She did not consider Phelps an unattainable standard of perfection hindering her own striving for swimming excellence. That may sound like a ridiculous proposition: why would inspiration, a role model, discourage her from swimming? Bingo.
Now you see how grace works. Graces are Godâs way of working with us if we only choose to cooperate. To put them off is in some ways taking an utterly positive thing and letting it rot on the vine. Grace is simple, beautifully simple.
No, I am not comparing Michael Phelps to God or Katie Ledecky to the Blessed Mother. The point here is that we have to overcome this existential awkwardness for lack of a better term. Christian perfection is possible with grace. We have to overcome a very human but nonetheless unhelpful compulsion that Godâs callings for us are not doable or even conceivable at that. Immaculate is not a synonym for unattainable. Maryâs Immaculate Heart is our home base for the kind of striving that helps us approach Christian perfection if we only choose to cooperate with God.
It is really that simple. It is immaculate simplicity. Effort the approach to divine grace and you are likely to come away with something shiny. Your mind might really get blown when you discover the grace of God in a talent you possess just waiting to be activated by the Immaculate Heart of Mary.
Thanks for reading! My book âHow to catch feelings for Jesusâ is available online. Admittedly it is not this focused on the Blessed Mother, but I definitely hit on the themes of the devotion in other facets. Share this article! I am in the swing of writing on a monthly basis now and would love to hear your input. Did you really read more than 2800 words to not have something to say about it?
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