#or maybe anything about Seiji is just very painful for me
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The source of Matoba Seiji's hate for Youkai ?
Lately, I've been thinking alot about this and didn't find anyone actually mention it from where I searched (?)
Seiji has many things going on for him .. (MANY THINGS that I just wanna talk about them all and just cry alot) but today I'll just focus on a little theory I have about this little matter :)
From where do I start I wonder ?
I've always noticed that in the manga especially when Seiji got first introduced, it was emphasized that he hold a certain grudge toward the youkai which's seems personal more than out of his job as an exorcist ..
These lines were on my mind along with some of Seiji's line, about how youkai always take advantages of human's weakness and vulnerability. then I linked alot of things together (my mind love to make me suffer it seems)
Does that mean, perhaps Seiji spoke from experience ? A personal one or because he saw alot of such cases, or maybe both ?
But either way, we never actually saw Seiji letting his guard down or having any weaknesses, not toward the Youkai at least.
You can't picture it right? the fearless merciless and powerful Matoba leader showing a weak side of him <3
But wait ..
Actually he DID show signs of weaknesses and yearing for something if you pay close attention to his reactions, wording or actions (lets not dig deeper into this or I'll break down T^T)
Let's look at the ones that's about our current subject, shall we ?
In his 2nd meeting with Natsume, he was composed and calm the whole discussion except ..
When this line triggered him greatly, that he went so far to prove his point of view in a harsh way for Natsume ..
"They will betray you, maybe you need to go through a bitter experience to understand"
Those lines felt it's about Seiji as much as to prove his point to Natsume ..
But what did happen, who betrayed him ? A "Kind" Youkai ?? Did he thought a Youaki was treating him kindly but then it stabbed his back later on ?? Or did he treat someone kindly but it decived him and took advantage of his kindness ??
Did something ring a bell ? About Seiji saying something like he'd treat someone kindly if he ever gets the chance to ?
Yup, he did say such a thing back in the past when he was a kid, in this part of the story we got two important info about Seiji :
his yearning for a Youkai to make a contract with him but he'll never get to because of his bloodline.
the fact that he's gonna be kind to whoever gonna make a contract with him and fight by his side.
That in itself was his weakness and we already know that this very desire is one of the sources that twisted him and result in the Seiji of today ..
Who took advantage of this desire of his ? It's a Youkai but he can't even make a contract with anyone so .... it's a Youkai that was with him not by contract but a deal or a promise between them mostly ...
Something else ring a bell ?
Do you know who I really think the only one who can take advantage of him and it was clear there's something between them but we really never get to know whatever happened to it afterward ..
The Youkai in the pot!! It's him!! The main reason for Seiji's grudge toward the Youkai!!
What actually happened between them I know not, no more info to go that far with .. but I can't unseen it anymore!!
Especially if we return to something I already posted here, but let look at it from another angle, shall we?
THIS ONE!!! DO YOU SEE WHAT I MEAN!!!
Natsume's line > focus on the pot > Seiji's triggered reaction
When I first read this story I though this way of putting focus on the pot was to prove Natsume's point of view or for the pot Youkai's shock by Natsume's kindness which changed his opinion later on ..
But what if that was indirect hint by Midorikawa-sensei for the real source of Seiji's deep grudge toward the Youkai ? I can see her doing such a thing that we won't understand until later on ..
So, in short that's what I have in my mind lately and been very deeply hurt and sad by it, so thought I wanna share it and see what people think of it. am I overthinking things again ? does it make no sense ? am I only making myself suffer ? MAYBE I AM BUT HEAR ME OUT!!
Just thinking that Seiji's kindness used against him in an ugly way is just ... he's not someone to show his kindness that easily so thinking that when he did so and openly this happened to him is just aaaaa STOP HURTING MY BOY HE DOESN'T DESRVE THIS !!!!
the fact that even though he was cunning, cautions and levelheaded when he was young, yet actually he was very naive and rash since I also bet no one knew about the Youkai in the pot except Natori who said he never saw that pot again ever since.
I'll shut up and leave it at that since if I keep going, I'll just keep on crying and screaming about this!! IT JUST HURTS ALOT AND BEEN CRYING ABOUT IT EVER SINCE I THOUGHT ABOUT THIS THEORY OF MINE!!!
#natsume yuujinchou#natsuyuu#matoba seiji#natsume takashi#Haru's theory#to have finally write this theory of mine#this man is making me go crazy I swear#trying to keep myself busy till the new chapter drop#but anyway this theory was painful to think about#or maybe anything about Seiji is just very painful for me#I wanna protect him and be there for him#ugh I just ....
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“...I need you to trust me, okay?” His plea is barely above a whisper. “Just…trust me. Please. You can’t tell anyone about this. Promise me.” There are a multitude of emotions in you upon hearing this, but they’re all swept away by the earnestness of his request. You feel like you’re going to regret this, but you agree.
Confidante Ch.2
You don’t want to be at this particular hospital, but in your state, you couldn’t tell Lily to try and take you somewhere else. They rush you in as soon as the two of you clamber through the door and the doctor takes a good look at you. His face is all too familiar, one that haunts your memories even on good days. Seiji Yamaguchi’s hair is a dusty gray, parted at the middle and falls down in wispy bangs on the front of his face. You notice more wrinkles on the corners of his light brown eyes than you did the last time you saw him, peeking out from beneath the glare of his glasses.
You really, really don’t want to be here, but you sit obediently as he examines you. A good chunk of both of your arms are burned, but your legs are in slightly better shape, he notes. You’re just thankful that the heart rate monitor hasn’t embarrassed you any more than it has before when he runs gloved hands over you to treat you and check for any other injuries. You prefer the burn of the antibiotic cream that you dutifully apply under his careful supervision. The pain is a welcome distraction. The room stills to an uncomfortable, tense silence while you tend to your dressings and he writes his notes on the computer seated near the bed.
“…Maybe you could reconsider quitting hero work?” He offers quietly.
God, not again. Anything but this again. You pointedly ignore him, but it won’t discourage him from continuing.
“Even if you don’t want to, we’d be happy to have you stay with us until you get on your feet again. Maya misses you. Mother and father in law miss you.”
You hate him.
“I miss you as well.”
You hate him. He, of all people, should know just why you can’t be there. You know that he knows…so why did he have to try and do this all over again?
“No thanks. I’ll be fine, and I’m not quitting my job.” Stubbornly– if immaturely– you turn your head to the side to avoid facing him. “…Tell Sis I’ll call her later.” There’s a long pause as he sighs, and you’re sure he’s taken off his glasses and pinched the bridge between his nose with his thumb and forefinger, just as he’s always done.
“Fine.” The chair scrapes audibly, and he steps out soon afterwards. You can’t relax until you hear the door close and his footsteps drift away. Closing your eyes, you finally attempt to get some rest. You don’t know how long you were out until you hear the knocking at the hospital window.
He really is a man too fast for his own good. Were you not on some strong pain medication, you’d wonder more seriously how he figured out what happened to you so fast. There was no way Seiji could have called him; he must have heard from the Hero Network or just one of his many contacts that you were seen getting admitted. Either way, he was there, flapping quietly out the window. Once he makes eye contact with you, he whips out a fierce feather and makes quick work of the lock on the window, allowing it to open far more than it reasonably should have so he could drop in.
“Not very ‘heroic’ of you to break in.” You accuse weakly. It had been lights out for while now, the only light coming in from beneath the closed door of the hallway, and now the light leaking in from the moonlight and open window.
“Can’t help that visiting hours are over.” He shrugs innocently as he slides onto the nearby chair. His face is hard to see, but you can feel his eyes going over your burns. It’s almost imperceptible, the sound his gloves make as his hands clenched into fists. “Care to tell me what happened?” He reaches out to tenderly hold your hand, still chilly from being in the air.
You tell him, briefly, what had happened. How you didn’t expect to see Dabi there, how he’d noticed you, and about the keywords that Dabi and his underling spoke of. He’s very, very quiet as he weighs the truth of your statements and their implications. It feels like ages before he speaks again.
“Did you tell anyone about this? Did anyone else see Dabi?” He asks with a kind of deadly seriousness that you’ve never heard before. There’s an intensity to his gaze that is unblinking and unreadable. Eventually the heaviness begins to scare you, stifle you. You try to pull away, but his grip is strong and insistent.
“This is important. Does anyone other than you and Galligator know about this?”
“N…no, I swear. She took me straight here…and then I got patched up, and now you.” You confess the truth, but honestly, the way he was looking at you, you probably would have said so anyway. He relaxes once the words leave your mouth, and finally, you can take your hand back. He’s the old Hawks again, your friend.
“Okay, good. This needs to stay between us, yeah? I’ll take care of it.” He reaches down to stroke your hair, but you unintentionally jolt back. Now that your eyes have gotten used to the dark, you can make out the complicated expression on his features. He still pats your head, though you know the action feels awkward for both of you now.
“You focus on getting some rest and healing. I’ll call you later.” He stands up to leave, but you just– you can’t let him leave like this. Not with the last, little bit of information you still held back.
Your fingers grip the tan fabric of his jacket, stopping him in his tracks.
“Wait, Hawks– there’s one more thing. One thing I didn’t tell Galligator.” He looks over his shoulder expectantly, giving you a carefree, encouraging smile. For a second, you hesitate about telling him.
“…Dabi had a fierce feather.”
He may have scared the shit out of you a moment ago, but he was still your best friend. Someone you cared for dearly. Who knew what they were going to do with it? What could happen to him if you held back something like this? Hawks’ eyes go wide for a split second, and then he laughs, moving to shake off your hand.
“Are you sure you’re not mistaken?” His voice is light and gentle, as if he’s explaining something to a child. “It’s really sweet that you’re worried about me, but I can assure you, there’s no way he’s got one of my feathers.” He tucks your hand back to its place on the bed sweetly.
That’s wrong. You know he’s wrong, that he’s lying. Even with his quirk, Hawks often molted his feathers– when they were too old or too beat up. You’ve seen and swept up your share of ‘dead’ fierce feathers. They were a darker, browner red than his usual vibrant red, and they’d disintegrate eventually.
No matter what, there would be no way you wouldn’t recognize one of his feathers.
“Hawks–”
“Hey.”
He interrupts you with a sharp pronunciation of your name. He looks angry, almost, and there’s a harsh light to his eyes when he looks at you that fades into something much softer, more pleading. He leans in slowly, so as not to scare you, and pulls the visor off of his face. His long lashes brush your cheek as he leans over to place his head on your shoulder. His breath is warm against the skin of your neck.
“…I need you to trust me, okay?” His plea is barely above a whisper. “Just…trust me. Please. You can’t tell anyone about this. Promise me.” There are a multitude of emotions in you upon hearing this, but they’re all swept away by the earnestness of his request.
You feel like you’re going to regret this, but you agree.
“Thank you.” He gives you a smile of relief, but nothing of reassurance that he would tell you in time, nor that it would all be alright. You wish you could feel better about it as he leaves. He pauses, wistfully, for a moment at the window before he leaves just as he came. The only evidence left behind is the uncomfortable feeling you have in your chest.
–
The next morning, you don’t feel too much better. The pain meds help, but you still really ache and it’s difficult to get used to the dressings around you, not to mention your stressful reunion with Hawks last night. You managed to get a hold of Lily and tell her to keep what happened last night to herself, and you thank your lucky stars that she was too frazzled with your treatment to think about it. For those uninvolved, you just had a freak accident while on patrol and happened to get injured.
It’s a little scary how easily things can be covered up in this industry, especially with what must have been Hawks’ influence at work. The biggest headache you had now was to try and get Seiji off your back.
Neighbors. Childhood friends. Your first love. Your sister’s husband. You can’t necessarily blame him for not wanting to act as if there’s nothing between you, but you wish he would consider your feelings more. If just acting as if you felt nothing meant you truly felt nothing, you would have gotten over this years ago. Unfortunately, human beings are complicated.
There’s nothing like wanting something you can’t have.
“You’re so stubborn.” He lectures for the umpteenth time. “Just come home.”
It’s a matter of pride as well. Maya has always known of your feelings for her husband, even when he was just the older boy from around the block who came over sometimes. She’s kind about it…too kind. You’d rather she shun you than give you that look of pity every so often, as if she has to make it up to you that she was the one he chose. As if she has to apologize for the happiness she has now, or that she’s somehow driven you out.
You just didn’t belong in that house with your parents, your sister, and her husband. You wished that they could try to understand that being a hero isn’t just a job to you. It’s your passion, your life. It doesn’t matter that you’re not in the top ten, or that you only have one sidekick. ‘Happiness’ didn’t have only one definition…and you could only imagine how they would react to your complicated relationship with Hawks. You didn’t care if you had to be sitting on the edge of your tub all by yourself for the next month getting take out, you weren’t going back there.
Knocking at the door interrupts you telling Seiji to shut up and mind his own business. “Hey-yo.” Hawks opens the door brightly. He’s in casual clothes, the light brown jacket he favors when it’s a little bit cooler and a pair of shades, and a large, blue duffle bag. “Whoops, didn’t know you were still in the middle of a consult, Doctor. Mind if I wait out here?” He asked casually.
“No, I mean…it’s not really a ‘consult’…” Having Hawks in the room puts Seiji at a loss for words. Hawks flashes his signature grin and takes complete advantage of the opportunity.
“Oh? So that means I can come on in, then? Good!” He smoothly maneuvers past Seiji as if he wasn’t there. “You’re looking better. I had Galligator pack me some extra clothes for when you get discharged later today, and I also brought you some fruit. Couldn’t remember if you liked melons or not, so I just cut you up half of one.”
“Yeah…thanks.” You nod gratefully, taking what he offered you with a smile. You wonder how the hell he got in here without making a fuss, but you suppose he has his ways– otherwise he’d never be able to get a moment’s peace. Hawks sits on the nearby chair, and then angles his head curiously at Seiji.
“If there isn’t anything else, Doc, I’d like to have a moment alone to chat with my friend here. Is that alright?” He asks so innocently, as if he isn’t kicking a doctor out of the room at a hospital. Seiji flushes an irritated red, but there isn’t much he can say or do since his visit is personal in nature.
“A nurse will come by later to assist in the discharge.” He bows once, and though he lingers for a brief moment by the door, he doesn’t ask any of the questions that were clearly at the forefront of his mind. Good. Let him stew for a bit.
Hawks whistles lowly. “So…You okay?” You’re grateful that he doesn’t ask any other questions. Knowing how observant he is, he probably doesn’t need to.
“As I’ll ever be.” The air between the two of you is still awkward, but it’s preferable to whatever that you’d feel having to fend off Seiji’s over-enthusiasm in making you all one big happy family. “Thanks for coming to visit.”
“Don’t mention it. I actually had another reason why I came here, other than to see you.” He crossed his arms over the back of the chair and leaned his chin down so that only his eyes were visible.
“Why don’t you heal up at my place?” A deceptively light tone. His eyes crinkle up into a smile as he explains himself, gesturing idly with one hand. “I’ll take real good care of you. Maybe teach you how to use my shower without tripling my water bill?”
“Uh, no thanks, Hawks. I’m probably just gonna stay with Galligator–”
“Actually, she’s taking some time off as well.” He interrupts. “She told me she was going to text you that she was spending some time at home with her folks. She hasn’t yet?” Outside of the fact that it kind of pisses you off that he’s acting like Lily is his sidekick instead of yours– things aren't adding up. He’s always respected your professional boundaries prior to this. Though you weren’t at his level of expertise or fame, he never interfered quite like this. The sickly sense of dread and suspicion creeps up like bile in your throat. Hawks…just what the hell is going on?
“…I’m phrasing it like a question, but I think you already know I’m not gonna take ‘no’ for an answer.” He hums, and he gives you a deeply apologetic look. His eyebrows turn downward, and the smile on his face is bittersweet. This time, when he reaches for your face, you don’t turn away. Hawks strokes your cheek with the back of his hand with such tenderness, his eyes a thousand miles away.
You wish he’d explain himself, but you know of his persistence. He’d only tell you what you needed to know, when you needed to know, and what he wanted to…and you trust him.
You trust him.
You just wish you knew what the hell it was you accidentally walked into that he wanted so desperately to protect you from.
#bnha x reader#mha x reader#hawks x reader#keigo takami x reader#gender neutral reader#confidante#NOTE: hawks is having a bruh moment because his cover is at risk. he is not being weird bc he wants to be. god bless
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A couple of days home (pt 2)
Kiana called her best friend to ask if her and Seiji could stay over for a little while. She knows it's the best for her to just not be in the same house as Itsuki for a while. They're both hurt and could end up saying things even more hurtful than what has already been said... Of course her best friend welcomes her to stay as long as she needs, but Kiana says she'll look for something else quickly, she is craving some time to herself right now...
She's still very thankful for the helping hand and goes straight back to the house to pick up her stuff and her son. She uses the back gate and the door, hoping not to run into anyone. Unfortunately for her, in the meantime, Kenta, Sakura and Isui have arrived and she crosses paths with Itsuki's son. He asks her if she wants to sit down, and she says yes, not wanting to make the situation more tensed than needed.
"How are you Kiana ?" asks Kenta. "Oh, you know, beaten down really... Your dad really didn't give me much of a choice, did he ? He never loved me the way he loved your mom, you see. And I always feared that he wouldn't love Seiji as much as he loves you two..."
"You know very well that's just not true. Don't question the love just because it's not shown the way you'd like it to be... I don't think it's very fair to make him the only bad guy here. You knew what was going on a while ago and you decided to bury your head in the sand just as much as he did." says Kenta, trying not to get mad but he just can't help it, it's his dad we're talking about.
"You just don't understand Kenta, it's adult stuff we're talking about. You don't resolve everything by just talking about it like in a movie, you know ?" she says, getting annoyed. "Maybe not, but you sure as hell don't go anywhere by not talking about anything, I know that much."
"You don't know much about your dad and me." "I know my dad, and like it or not, I know a bit about you as well. I don't think either of you is a bad person for what is happening right now. But I definitely think this situation shouldn't have went on that long. And for that, both of you have to take responsibility. And I definitely think you could have waited a couple hours to decide to move out, at least give Seiji enough time to see his nephew age up and say goodbye to us properly..."
Unable to find anything to answer this, knowing he's right, she just gets up and gets into the house to pack. Kenta, not one to hold a grudge, even helped her take her suitcases outside while Itsuki and Sakura were having a moment upstairs.
Indeed, Sakura found her dad trying not to succumb to the need of hiding under the covers to cry his pain away. She sat on the bed next to him and asked him if she could do anything to help.
Itsuki's eyes fogged up a little again out of love for his children. He knew they were the best parts of him, but it was always so heart-warming to see it. He tried to reassure her, but she's the one who ended up cheering him up, giving him a new mindset of what was to come, not looking back.
That seemed to help quite a lot and after a nice hug, they were able to go back downstairs for Itsuki to finish making Isui's birthday cake.
The birthday party went on as planned, Sakura being overly happy about her brother being home to witness her son aging up, Itsuki relieved to have some of his children around him at least.
Only one thing was quite sad, Isui's other uncle wasn't there to celebrate with them... Seiji did leave a little gift for Isui though, before he left.
And our youngest little kiddo turned into the cutest toddler, very much attached to his Mummy but now expecting more from life, ready to be as independent as possible already !
And of course, at the end of that day, before sending him back into the wild, Itsuki made a point to check on Kenta, see if he needed anything and if he was doing alright all by himself.
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Some of the HLITF MC’s best quotes
“Instructor Goto... Always kind and diligent, his instructions easy to understand... I owe him a great deal. Instructor Ishigami... Very Spartan methods. The hardest of them all to make the grade with. Instructor Soma... They say his remarks can cut like a knife from time to time, but his advice is invaluable. Instructor Kaga... ......All that comes to mind is being backed up against a wall. Also, the fact that he has a ton of closet fans among the male trainees. Chief... Always paying for your instructors’ ramen... Wait! That’s not what I’m going for here!” (—MC’s thoughts, in Shinonome’s route)
“Hurrah, scientific mumbo jumbo on parade. I’m following about half of this conversation.” (—MC’s thoughts)
“Shinonome, you magnificent man, you!” (—MC to Shinonome, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“I think they look pretty awesome, personally. Who doesn’t love boobs? (—MC’s thoughts about her breasts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“I mean, Shinonome’s real type is more Sachi than me. So calm and kind... And then there’s the whole, um... boob thing. Man, she has great breasts. So jealous.” (—MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“I love everything about Shinonome! Even when he’s being nerdy, even when he’s being mean. Even though he’d make a better girl than I do and his mushroo— I mean, his hair’s so silky...” (—MC to Sachi, in Shinonome’s route)
“Okay, when I go back to visit my folks, I’m a total slob. I don’t help around the house, I just laze around and throw my socks on the floor.” (—MC to Sachi, in Shinonome’s route)
“And anyway, who cares what I eat? I’ve got abs of steel. Wanna touch? Put your hands on these babies and you’ll see...” (—MC to Shinonome, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“(...) All I was trying to say is that I accept you for everything you are, anyway! Bad hair day? Slipped on a banana peel? Wore your shirt inside out? Bring it on! And again, even if your equipment’s not working, I’ll accept that too.” (—MC to Shinonome)
(...) I’m not that much of a pervert! So please, let me sniff you a little longer? I mean, no. Scratch that. Let me HUG you a little longer. (—MC to Shinonome)
“I mean... yes, they DO look very... tasty out there on the field. But oh my god...” (—MC’s thoughts about the instructors)
“The roundness of the mushroom caps reminds me of something... Ah... I’m grilling Shinonome’s head.” (—MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“(...) Graduation means the culmination of a long-held agreement between us. Starting with that post-graduation kiss. And I dunno if there’ll be a celebration or what, but what I’m most interested in... MOST interested in... Is that Shinonome and I are finally going to... We’re gonna... YEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!” (—MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“Who shows up on an overnight trip with their hot boyfriend in bargain bin undies? Me, apparently.” (—MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“Is it me, or am I hitting like, peak fabulous girlfriend here? Hangin’ out in my boyfriend’s kitchen, totally got a handle on things! Kinda deal? YES! Freaking yay!” (MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“(...) I got to see glimpses of your stomach, and... those abs... Your abs are just, yeah, wow... Intriguing stuff, believe me.” (—MC to Shinonome, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“I-I’m broke! I’m waiting on salary day, and I used my winter bonus on a year-long train pass.” (—MC to Shinonome, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“Say what you like about me...But don’t you dare insult my darling Kaga!” (—MC’s thoughts, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
(...) a friendly and gregarious Kaga wouldn’t really be Kaga.” (MC’s thoughts, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
“I figured Kaga had brought me here for some freaky hanky-panky.” (—MC’s thoughts, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
“Demon...” (—MC to Kaga, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
“(...) Mean is like his default factory setting.” (—MC talking about Kaga to Chiba, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
“Chief thinks he’s so smart... he’s just a pachinko playing slacker!” (—MC’s thoughts, in Namba’s route)
“I discard my fantasy into a mental box marked ‘never gonna happen.’” (—MC’s thoughts)
“With all the love in the world, I give him the finger.” (—MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“How about we stay inside all day and bang it out on every surface we can think of?” (—MC to Shinonome)
“I’m nothing if not motivated when it comes to getting down with you.” (—MC to Shinonome)
“They dissed my silver fox! Unforgivable!” (—MC’s thoughts about random boys, as Namba’s girlfriend)
“Kaga looks so cute, obediently opening his mouth for the rice porridge. (...) Yikes... I’d better not say the word ‘cute’, or they’ll never even find my body...” (—MC’s thoughts, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
“Recently Kaga flip-flops between being a snarling beast and a purring kitty.” (—MC’s thoughts, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
“I pull off his shirt, taking a moment to appreciate his chiseled body. Usually it’s dark when we... you know. To see him up close in full light... (...) I drag my eyes back up to his face with difficulty.” (—MC’s thoughts, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
“Why am I the only one all flustered? Why does he get to be cool?” (—MC’s thoughts, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
“Finally you value me! It’s been such a hard road to get here!” (—MC to Kaga, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
“Usually I’d cringe at being in the pretty girl role at work. But this is serious! If batting my eyelashes can help, I’ll bat away!” (—MC’s thoughts)
“I’m becoming a real pervert thanks to Kaga!” (—MC’s thoughts, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
“Sorry. I kind of got excited over the thought of you seeing me in my swimsuit. (...) I’d like you to take it off me...” (—MC to Kaga)
“Take me, please.” (—MC to Kaga)
“Oh, actually I haven’t been eating much because I’m so exhausted from the heat. I’ve only been having seconds, not thirds!” (—MC to Kaga, as Kaga’s girlfriend)
“A year has passed already, and yet Kaga still manages to inspire mortal fear in me.” (—MC’s thoughts)
“I personally have had a marker to the head so many times, it barely stings anymore!” (—MC talking about Kaga’s class to Namba)
“I wonder what people are thinking when they walk past us? I bet they’re jealous that I’m out and about with a silver fox. No wait, he’s married...” (—MC’s thoughts about Namba)
“Oh no! Ishigami thinks I’m useless, too! I mean, I know I am, but to have him basically agree...!” (—MC’s thoughts, in a Prologue)
“Why am I wasting precious fantasizing time with that nonsense?!” (—MC’s thoughts)
“Yikes, stop staring! I’m totally perving on his body!” (—MC’s thoughts)
“This is what passes for democracy these days?!” (—MC to the instructors and Namba)
“He’s a fantastic kisser, too. Where did he learn to kiss like that, anyway? Who gave him the right?! I’d genuinely like to know why kisses feel so good. Y’know, for science. What a man, what a man, what a mighty fine man! Mm.” (—MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“Man, I am just so good at this improving thing, I even impress myself. (...) If you don’t give yourself a pat on the back from time to time, who will?!” (—MC to Miyayama)
“Hey! I’m a beautiful daisy, not dandelion fluff! Or maybe I’m both. Maybe I’m more like a burr! Not like I’m planning on letting you go anytime soon, anyway. Mwaha!” (—MC to Shinonome, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“Kaga got up close and intimate against a wall with a criminal? Okie dokie.” (—MC’s thoughts)
“I don’t get laid to get paid, fellas!” (—MC’s thoughts)
“I was searching for Captain Tsugaru, expecting a gorilla, and now I’ve run into this total hottie instead. I should be used to hot guys, though. I mean, the instructors... (...) he gives me a charming smile, and I mentally thank his parents for making him.” (—MC’s thoughts)
“My mental image of Kaga scares me into stepping forward.” (—MC’s thoughts)
“Get him a hundred roses! If I could pull a move like that, I’d straight up date myself.” (—MC’s thoughts)
“Did they just say I’m being treated like a pet? In that case someone should definitely call animal welfare on my behalf...” (—MC’s thoughts)
“...You womanizer. Tastebud psychopath. Waste of a handsome face. Emotional chair-flinger.” (—MC insulting Tsugaru)
“I thought it must have been with a special lady if he came to such a fancy place before. Sorry Kaga. You’re not a lady, but you’re definitely special.” (—MC’s thoughts/ Tsugaru’s route)
“Praise the gods for Seiji Goto, the shining beacon of Public Safety!” (—MC’s thoughts/ Tsugaru’s route)
“Wow, what a love fest. Am I intruding here?” (—MC’s thoughts about Tsugaru and Momose)
“I have a second stomach when I’m not the one paying. And besides, isn’t this a date?” (—MC to Tsugaru/ Tsugaru’s route)
“We’ll do it for sure. Like bunnies! Oh yes! As they say... nothing ventured, no one gets laid.” (—MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“I guess I just don’t tickle Shinonome’s pickle...” (—MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“That’s him! I’d recognize his cute butt anywhere!” (—MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“He could’ve dragged me into some secluded room and had his wicked way with me! That would’ve been nice! I would’ve flung my undies with abandon if so!” (—MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“Your eyelashes are so long, I was thinking it would be a pain if they stabbed me.” (—MC to Tsugaru)
“(...) He’s seen my abs. In fact, nothing makes him splutter faster than a glimpse of these babies.” (—MC’s thoughts, as Shinonome’s girlfriend)
“His mushroom- I mean, silky hair... His pride and joy has turned into a bird’s nest!” (—MC’s thoughts about Shinonome)
“I’ve come to the conclusion that I suck at everything.” (—MC to Namba)
“Kaga’s niceness is so subtle you can blink and miss it.” (—MC’s thoughts about Kaga)
“He’s a brute! A fiend! He’s not my boyfriend or a detective, he’s the ruler of the underworld!” (—MC’s thoughts about Kaga)
“Sorry! I wasn’t thinking you two are cute or anything!” (—MC talking about Ishigami and Kaga in front of them)
“I do enjoy sleeping in your arms, of course… But I much prefer it when you make love to me.” (—MC to Goto)
#her love in the force#hlitf#voltage inc#otome game#love 365#voltage otome#voltage#hlitf mc#hyogo kaga#ayumu shinonome#jin namba#seiji goto#hideki ishigami#shusuke soma#hlitf quotes#quotes collection#quotes
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BnHA Chapter 255: "Hospital”
Previously on BnHA: Aizawa and Present Mic found out their dead best friend Shirakumo was necromanced by All for One and Ujiko and turned into everyone’s favorite villain mom bartender M.D., Kurogiri! Gran Torino and Naomasa were all “hey you guys should talk to him and see if you can restore his memories through the power of friendship” and so they all sat down together to do that. Kurogiri was all “so tell me how is my son Shigaraki Tomura, I love him so much, he is so emo and I must protect him” and Aizawa and Mic were all “THIS GUY HASN’T CHANGED ONE IOTA” and Aizawa started crying and was all “SHIRAKUMO LET’S GET MARRIED AGAIN AND BE HEROES TOGETHER LIKE WE ALWAYS WANTED.” Oh and also we found out Aizawa only fake expelled his previous students and it was just so that he could PREPARE THEM FOR LIFE!! and afterwards they got to go back to U.A. again and live happily ever after. And so basically I’ve lost track of how many hugs Aizawa needs here now but it’s a lot.
Today on BnHA: Shiraguri’s brainwaves start going all wonky and everyone is like “OH SHIT IT’S WORKING” and Aizawa and Mic decide it’s time to shift this drama into overdrive, so they get right up against the glass and start shouting “YOU’RE OUR FRIEND!!” and stuff over and over until IT FINALLY WORKS!! and Kurogiri’s face shifts into Shirakumo’s. Somehow the effect is incredibly sad and moving rather than terrifying as fuck, but unfortunately all Kumo can manage to get out is “hospital” before his mind overloads and he passes out. Fortunately for our heroes, “hospital” is actually an awesome clue which can totally lead them to Tomura and Ujiko’s location if they play their cards right, probably! Or at least Hawks seems really psyched about it, idk. Anyway so the chapter ends with Ujiko going FULL MAD SCIENTIST and wreaking havoc on Tomura’s body in order to -- I’m pretty sure, anyway -- turn him into some kind of fully sentient ultimate high end Noumu. Welllllll shit.
so that sure was a fun little wrinkle last week, huh. the two biggest scanlators deciding that in the spirit of the holidays, they were going to stop translating WSJ series and instead support the official releases out of the goodness of their hearts and definitely not at all because Shueisha was eyeing them threateningly and making little throat-slitting gestures. that was a ride. these are interesting times lol
but at any rate, if this is how it’s going to be for now then I’ll adjust! it is nice to have everyone support the official release, and obviously the image quality is way better, and Caleb’s translations are by and large pretty good. and obviously we’ll get used to reading the chapter on Sundays instead of Fridays (hell, I remember when the SJ leaks still came out on Wednesdays, so it’s not like we haven’t done this same old song and dance before lol). but Friday did happen to be a more convenient day for my schedule personally, so it might take a bit of adjusting for me to figure out what my posting schedule is going to be moving forward
anyways so I’m sorry this recap is so ridiculously late, but here we go at last!
so the Tartarus guard, who by the way is very clearly Seiji’s dad (WHEN ARE THE SHIKETSU KIDS COMING BACK), is tapping frantically at his touch screen even though it’s not doing anything, and he says he’s detecting unusual brainwaves. omg
WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK IT MEANS, OBVIOUSLY THEY UNLOCKED THE POWER OF FRIENDSHIP, MAN! THEY DID IT
omfg. the guard just says “he’s agitated.” I’m going to need you to have more hype than that my good sir. please
holy shit Nao
attention everyone, HAS ANYONE SEEN NAOMASA’S FUCKING CHILL, BECAUSE HE SEEMS TO HAVE FUCKING MISPLACED THAT SHIT. someone please explain to this man that there is a time and a place to play good cop bad cop and this is not it. “oh, Shirakumo is starting to recover his memories? well then [busts into the prison cell and grabs him by the collar and slams him against the wall] WHO ARE YOU WORKING FOR!?”
(ETA: so apparently Nao’s detective instincts are cleverer than mine. he saw that Kumo was potentially going to emerge, but probably not for long, so he gave him the most important question so he could focus on answering that. good job! still not a lot of chill but hey.)
meanwhile Aizawa is all “if what they said is true I’m looking at my friend’s corpse”, while still crying by the way, and yeah, so MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE. this year Santa decided to change it up and just make everyone real sad. happy holidays
lord he’s leaping to his feet and shouting “WHO DID THIS TO YOU”
meanwhile I can’t stop staring at Present Mic with his tongue sticking out. why are you sticking your tongue out. why are anime characters like this. you know, Stain also used to stick his tongue out. Present Mic U.A. traitor confirmed
also!! so many people have beef with Ujiko, though! pretty soon they will have to take a number and get in line
oh no Kumogiri is malfunctioning
Aizawa’s all “ANSWER ME SHIRAKUMO” and OH MY GOD LOOK AT THIS
I HAVE NEVER SEEN AIZAWA SHOUTA SO INTENSE AND I CAN’T TEAR MY EYES AWAY FROM THE SCREEN AHHHHH
so there’s some more of “WE WANTED TO BE HEROES TOGETHER” and “YOUR NAME IS SHIRAKUMO OBORO” and all of that other “SNAP OUT OF IT ALREADY” stuff, and you’re damn right I am eating ALL THAT SHIT right up, hell yes. IT’S A TROPE FOR A REASON PEOPLE
oh my god
bwo...hh...?
(ETA: I feel like I should explain that although I have a subscription to Viz, I really hate how their chapter viewer is set up, so I read the chapter on one of the vertical scroll-to-read sites instead. I prefer scroll-to-read for a lot of reasons, but the biggest one is so that I can read the chapter slowly (since I’m writing as I go) without spoiling what’s in the next panel. that being said, this next page is one of the few where Viz obviously got it right, so I’ll be posting the full image.)
SDFLSDLFKHSDLKJGOISDJFOSK
(┐° o ° ┐) ( 」。╹o╹。)」
feelingsfeelingsfeelingsFEELINGS
(ETA: on a reread I am fascinated by the fact that that bandage on his nose actually seems to be A PERMANENT PART OF HIS FACE APPARENTLY lol what.)
READ THE FUCKING ROOM, DUDE. also look how tiny Gran Torino is. he thought we wouldn’t notice through all of our tears. but we did. would you like me to fetch you a box
ha ha ha so now back to the drama
heh so anyway, the fact that this smoke Shirakumo face still looks like a child is straight up destroying me. how are you guys. how is everyone. feliz navidad
FKSLDJSLK HOLD UP
IS HE TRYING TO SAY “SHOUTA”, I CAN’T, I’M?!?!!!!
ADSLFKJALSKDJW
(ETA: I think you can see Shirakumo’s eye rolling back here as he fights against the brainwashing omg. this chapter’s fucking art, though.)
YESSSSSS you keep on ticking off that checklist of clichés, Horikoshi!! I’m so weak for this shit it’s not even funny. actually that’s not true, this plotline is usually hit or miss with me, but I’ll tell you what though, if there’s one guaranteed way to have me freaking the fuck out rather than sighing and rolling my eyes, it’s to have AIZAWA FUCKING SHOUTA be the one pounding on the wall of glass and screaming at his former lover to fight the layers of conditioning waging war on his mind. ohhhhhh god
lol the brainwave detecting screen is losing its fucking shit also and beeping like crazy. this tension is so thick you could plant a flag in it yeesh
is this Kumo remembering stuff??!
(ETA: thank you to the anon who pointed out I posted the wrong image earlier lol.)
why do shounen characters always recall events from a third-person camera view. curse this ambiguous flashback
AHHHHH
HOSPITALLLL ahh what??? “SHOUTA, HOSPITAL.” oh my god. Shirakumo I commend you for not having your first words after dying and being brought back to life and brainwashed for 15 years and then waking up in a straitjacket in a prison cell be, “FUCK ME OH FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK.” you and I are very different people but I respect that
HOLY SHIT HIS HEAD EXPLODED
so now everyone’s freaking out and we’re zooming in on Kumo’s eye again. by the way this is going to kill me when it’s animated oh god
OH NO THE PANEL WENT BLACK AND IT GOT ALL SILENT
(ETA: hmm I don’t think Caleb Cook knows what “whump” means nowadays. whump is what I wish we had here. instead it’s just lots of hurt but very little comfort. JUST LOTS OF PAIN AND SADNESS.)
Horikoshi please have mercy oh lord. also I see their hands touching, you. they honestly should be gripping each other fucking white-knuckled, this is all very traumatic. I think that if Shouta was holding Mic’s hand while his other hand was pressed against the glass I would probably start sobbing for real
what the fuck
did they knock him back out?? they seem really calm and optimistic about all this lol
oh godddddd
HE’S NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING SHUT UP. GOD, MIC, WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST GIVE HIM A HUG ALREADY??
so now they’re bidding farewell to Nao and Gran -- and HOLY SHIT --
okay hold up -- I just realized -- Kumo was trying to give them a hint about Ujiko’s location. holy shiiiiit. PLEASE START INVESTIGATING HOSPITALS, NAO AND GRAN. holy shit the Noumu arc is heating uppppp
Aizawa’s asking what’s happening with Kurogiri now, and I feel like he maybe should have asked that immediately after the fact rather than as an afterthought while they were getting ready to leave but okay
Nao says he kind of “short-circuited or something” and yeah that tracks with what we saw. though it sure does make that “THAT’S ALL FOR TODAY FOLKS, GOOD JOB BOYS, YOU GET A GOLD STAR” business just SUPER WEIRD though, but let’s be real, Nao has been swinging and missing with striking the right tone all day today
and now Gran is apologizing to Mic and Aizawa for the exquisite emotional torture he just put them through, but he says something is bound to come from it. WELL YEAH NO SHIT IT HAD GODDAMN BETTER
Aizawa apparently hasn’t run out of sad/tired/haunted expressions yet, if you can believe it
pretty soon everyone is going to be sad, tired, and traumatized! heh. it’s going to be so fucked up hahaha crying smiling emojiiiii
oh hey and we’re cutting to another flashback of AFO doing what he does best, being callously dismissive of human lives!
this guy. right here. is a rat bastard. for real. also Horikoshi sure picked a hell of a chapter to go all out on the art again, jesus. this is probably the first time I’ve looked at AFO’s fucked up face and actually thought “yep, that’s a mutilated human man” rather than “shouldn’t you be out floating in space with your asteroid friends trying to smash the Millennium Falcon?” so anyways yeah this panel is a big NOPE from me, thank you
but on the other hand, when Horikoshi uses those art powers for good, such as carefully penciling in every last individual hair of Aizawa’s perpetual five o’clock shadow, that I don’t mind so much!
yes. yes good
so now they’re vrooming off, and we’re hanging back with Gran and Nao for a minute
YESSSSS GOOD JOB NAO!!
looooool it’s ringing up the head of the HPSC and her phone’s buzzing and she’s giving it this hella dramatic look. like this is some patented Todoroki-level dramatic whooshing right here
that’s just how dramatic this entire arc is going to be, hopefully
WAIT WHAT’S HAPPENING NOW
IS THAT A CODED MESSAGE FOR HIM TO GO CHECK OUT THE HOSPITAL. AND HOW BUSY ARE YOU, HAWKS. ARE YOU THE “I AM IN SOME DEEP, DEEP TROUBLE” KIND OF BUSY, OR JUST THE STAYING-IN-CHARACTER KIND OF BUSY. YOU CASUAL BASTARD, WHO CAN EVEN TELL WITH YOU, I’LL JUST HAVE TO SCROLL DOWN TO SEE
oh hh my go
“LITTLE LATE TO ASK ABOUT THIS STUFF” so he comes from the Bakugou Katsuki school of tutoring, eh
I love that he actually followed through on explaining the PLF’s philosophy to Twice. and Twice is such a good boy. he’s studying so diligently. look, he didn’t ask to join a doomsday cult, it just kind of happened so now he’s just doing his best to figure it all out
and it definitely was a coded message, then. smoooooth, HPSC lady, smooth. so I wonder if the fact that she gave him a specific hospital implies a time jump. because I don’t think she’d have him investigate just any old hospital until they had a better lead and/or a more solid idea of what they were looking for
lol what the fuck
well I sure do not have any idea what this man is talking about
-- HOSDFLKJDLY SHIT WE’RE CUTTING TO UJIKO WE ARE CUTTING TO FUCKING UJIKO RED FUCKING ALERT!!!
HE’S TALKING ABOUT TOMURA I’M NOT CALMMMMMMMM AHHHHHH
FUCCKLKL FUCK THE WHAT HOLY SHIT WHAT DID HE DO
oh my god oh my god oh m
he made Tomura a Noumu. holy fucking shit that’s what he did. of course. so he’ll be able to possess multiple quirks, but because he benefits from Ujiko’s years of high end Noumu research, his sense of self will remain intact
AND DOESN’T THIS PROCESS JUST LOOK EVER SO PLEASANT. jesus christ. he’s not even allowed to lie down, for some reason this procedure can only be done while he’s hovering over the bed Exorcist-style with his mouth locked open in a silent scream (ETA: or is that actually his laughter we’re seeing?? because this panel wasn’t raw enough already I guess??) while random spurts of blood come chucking out all over the place. well that’s just
and Tomura fucking volunteered for this. how many scores of others didn’t?? holy fucking shit Ujiko. it’s not easy to be the most evil man in a chapter where a foil-wrapped potato with eye holes started waxing poetic about all the children he harvested and killed like some kind of bloodthirsty sommelier, but YOU FOUND A WAY. dancing a fucking jig while your so-called masterpiece is being gruesomely tortured in the foreground. man if there’s any justice in the world, we’ll find out in this arc that Ujiko used science to make himself immortal so that once he’s finally captured they can just keep killing him over and over again. I do not like him!!
so that’s it! we really are doing this thing, holy shit. Noumu arc here we come. see you guys next decade har dee har
#bnha 255#aizawa shouta#shirakumo oboro#present mic#daruma ujiko#naomasa tsukauchi#gran torino#hawks#boku no hero academia#bnha#bnha spoilers#mha spoilers#makeste reads bnha#list of people who want to kill ujiko and just don't know it yet:#aizawa#mic#bakugou#deku#dabi maybe if it turns out he's a similar deal to kurogiri#and endeavor and shouto too. all the todorokis#and probably tomura too if he ever realizes how badly ujiko and afo messed him up#and once tomura and dabi want to kill someone the rest of league will have their back#and for that matter pretty much everyone in u.a. will rally behind their friends too#anyway so yeah#that's a pretty long list
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tagged by @littlepetbee, thank uuuu <3 i spent way too long thinking about htis lol,
Rules: pick 5 shows, then answer the following questions, tag a bunch o ppls to do it too (if y’all want to, supes no pressure or anything!)
Natsume yuujinchou (a teenage orphan who sees spirits/monsters sets out to free the spirits who were bound in magical contract by his grandmother after he inherits a powerful book, aided primarily by a spirit who appears as an exasperated fat cat (who is just as fun as he sounds). Titular character is like my Fave boy in the whole world, he’s so kind and soft despite all the hardships he’s faced, the series has very gentle pacing/character development, and each episode is a carefully crafted lil story that have often moved me to tears, chuckles, or outright chinhands of fondness as u watch natsume slowly find a home in the world and amongst the humans &spirits around him. big focus on friendships, there’s like no romance with any of the main characters, lots of cool different creatures (most of whom arent all that scary once u get to know them), its just literally everything i could ever dream for in a show and it exists! <3)
Leverage (team of modern day robin hoods ruin rich peoples’ lives via delightfully crafted spy cons to give back to the regular folks the rich people hurt. Extremely good, strong found family vibes, and v cathartic)
Brooklyn 99 (follows diverse cast of character who make up a NY precinct. Hilarious, immensely wholesome & groundbreaking, & probs the most lighthearted crime show besides like psych tbh)
Blackspot/Zone Blanche (spoopy french/belgium crime series set in a small village way out in the mountains surrounded by misty, mysterious and murdery woods. eerie and atmospheric, but also like one of my fave characters (everyone calls him teddy bear) keeps a pet guinea pig at work, so it’s not entirely grim and bleak)
Longmire (a modern western crime drama centering around the titular sheriff and others in their small town wyoming county, well written and lot of chracter development revealed alongside some really good case mysteries bc i love trying to figure out whodunits apparently based on a book series well adored by dads btw)
who is your favorite character in 2? (leverage) ahhh,,, this is hard... Eliot maybe? like Hardison is baby ofc, but i relate to elliot a ton (i think if i was on a team i would want to be the hitter tbh?) and love the subversion of so many action hero tropes that he is, also endlessly amused by how very put upon he is despite all his rad/random skills
who is your least favorite character in 1? (natsume yuujinchou) oh seiji matoba for sure, he can go eat a mouldy tree stump. absolutely evil nasty dude
what is your favorite episode of 4? (blackspot) the end of the road. great opening, didnt end up too devastating unlike a lot of the cases, Hermann was gr8, cool twist i hadnt super expected in the plot which was neat.
what is your favorite season of 5? (longmire) probs 1, walter reeally started to piss me off being Such A Man in later seasons, also me being extremely anxious about Henry and his life choices later, that creepy stalker storyline starting up with Someone and when Someone else in the main cast got died really suddenly and upsettingly later on as well, also when a weird relationship started between some of the characters that i really aint feeling so. before all that happened was nice (also sorry if this is super vague, im trying to avoid spoilers)
who is your favorite couple in 3? (B99) Besides Jake/Amy and Holt/Kevin (bc oviously theyre gr8) uh.. i know it was a long time ago and didnt last very long, but i thought rosa and marcus were really sweet? it brought another layer out to her character, even when they broke up that helped rosa starting to show emotional vulnerability and all, even tho it ended it was still just, idk, i liked them.
who is your favorite couple in 2? (leverage) Does trio count, cos Parker/Eliot/Harding 4 life yo
what is your favorite episode of 1? (natsume yujinchou) i have sooo many faves ahhh!!! i dont think i could pick just one on pain of death, every episode is acrefully cosntructed gem all on its own and i have too many that i love and adore to pick jsut one :((
what is your favorite episode of 5? (longmire) Dog soldier!! ive rewatched that one a ton, so so many good bits, really satisfying resolution of the case despite the shitty system that was revealed, and i rmr getting chills by the end the first time i saw it.
what is your favorite season of 2? (leverage) i guess season 1? just, idk, everything being set up and watching all these grumpies/less grumpies who have no plans to stay together start working together as a baby team, and just the joy of seeing their first heist together with the first plot twist, just.. such a delight, but all seasons that ive seen so far were all excellent, it’s a stellar show
how long have you watched 1? (natsume yujinchou) oh idk exactly, like years and years man... defs the longest out of all on this list
how did you become interested in 3? (b99) i think it was just on netflix way back in season 1 and i started watching it, loved it and never stopped? i think that might have even been before it got rlly popular lol
who is your favorite actor in 4? (blackspot) i dont rlly know any of these french peeps? but teddybear’s one of my fave characters, so hopefully the person who plays him is also cool, in which case hubert delattre (if not, Suliane Brahim does a v good job as the lead)
which do you prefer, 1, 2, or 5? (natsume yujinchou, leverage or longmire) um... real torn between natsume and leverage here, they’re both such lovely gems that do found family so, so well.. leverage is a team of modern robin hood-esque spies with brilliant writing and exciting heists and multiple delightful plot twists every episode and great character building and so much catharticism in ruining evil rich peoples lives.
but natsume’s title character is one of my very favorite characters ever, hes been through so much but he becomes the most kindest and thoughtful boy ever, and its so, so soft and gentle in its development of characters and their slow build of getting to know each other and becoming friends, and the interactions with the paranormal world are very rarely entirely malicious/scary, and there’s pretty well no romance, at least like no romance for plot/with the main characters anyways, and there’s lots of female characters who have important roles but arent sexualized/killed off for man feels/exist for romo (which sadly cannot be said about a lot of media, especially manga/anime tbh, even leverage does not win entirely on that front).. its defintiely my favorite anime ever (i dont watch loads, but literally no other one can ever come close to topping its perfection),
i guess tho, leverage is over, and natsume is still technically ongoing, so i guess for that then i have to go with natsume?
which show have you seen more episodes of, 1 or 3? (natsume yuujinchou or b99) Natsume for sure, they’re so short its easy to power thru like half a season in an afternoon
if you could be anyone from 4, who would you be? (blackspot) i would probably want to be someone who didnt live in villefranche actually haha uh, it’s a pretty spoopity place.. even some of the characters i do like make some Bad decisions that are v bothersome. Dr. Leila barami seems to have a good head on her shoulders tho, so if i Must be a character here then let’s go with her
would a crossover between 3 and 4 work? (b99 or blackspot) oh god... the cheery upbeat department at the 99 meet up with a grim, misty tiny mountain forest village with bleak day to day life, solving crimes amidst small town paranoia and weird maybe cult-related conspiracies and honestbhly something/s paranormal and menacing going on in the woods?? i just... cant see any of the characters even interacting lol, im just picturing jake’s confused befuddled face when he hears something weird but like x 10000
pair two characters in 1 who would make an unlikely but strangely okay couple? (natsume yujinchou) hm... i mean, one of the things i love about Natsume is that there arent really any romo relationships tbh? at least not with any of the main characters in the main storyline (so far), just like the odd one-off of minor characters (and takashi’s adopted parents ofc, but that’s different). so, yeah, i cant really think of one (although i think the big fandom fave ship of takashi and his worst enemy is rlly.. nope, and i dont know what’s going on there? takashi and tanama however, that would make sense, tho it is not unlikely so i cant answer this question with them)
overall, which show has the better storyline, 3 or 5? (b99 or longmire) b99! cos ya know my annoyances with some of the stuff happening later on in longmire lol, b99 just got better n better as it went along, and it’s still going :’)
which has the better theme music, 2 or 4? (leverage or blackspot) blackspot has a real good eerie atmospheric theme which is gr8 and i love it <3 (leverage’s tune is like, elevator music/cheesy jazzy spy tune, which does suit it tho lol)
and idk, anyone bored and stuck at home who wants to do this? no pressure if ur like nah but if u wanna go ahead.... @creepy-friend-of-darkness @anna-wa @rhinky-thingz @rexbasileus @aeolian-harp @warrenkoles @softbrobarnes @damnitttana @cluelesswolf @moondoggiestyle @blloodorangeisthenewblack @my-nail-beds-suck @frankiecolours @savvylikeyeahhh @lake-effectkidx @justhugharry @casualmisandry @j4ya @galaxygalpals @thesecondwarm @dealwright @knipperdollin @curlycombover @kaspbrakeddie (and if i didnt tag u and u still wanna do this, consider yeself tagged)
#littlepetbee#long post#littlepetlouis#thank u for tagging me in these <333 sorry im rarely here to do them but i appreciate em and try to keep track when im on#heather watches things#also this was a fun thing to think about bc urgh i am so tired of same old shit day in and out these days oof#natsume#k now im real emosh about natsume ahh#leverage#also come scream at me if u watch any of these ahh#longmire#askables#black spot#b99
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Unapologetically
Natsuki comes out to those closest to her, after struggling with hiding it. Done for Pride Month. (´꒳`)
Rating: Teen for cursing
Words: 5059
Featured Original Characters: Natsuki Bakugou | Seijirou Eguchi | Dokuji Kobayashi | Koge Naegi
Featured Canon Characters: Katsuki Bakugou
It was very rare for Natsuki to feel completely drained of energy. More often than not, she had more bubbling and boiling within her than she knew what to do with. Every inch of her body always felt like it had to be moving, had to be doing something, be it working out, training with her mentor, or even something as simple as cleaning. There were times when she wished she could calm down, to feel content with just sitting and focusing on one thing at a time. So, now that she felt as if she couldn’t move, she wished to have that energy back. Her limbs felt as if she were carrying heavy weights on them, merely dragging herself along just to get through the days.
Had it just been days? No, it had been at least a couple of weeks that she was feeling this way. Ever since she had truly come to terms with herself and her… preferences. Or was it desires, maybe? Or interests? Perhaps it was just how she had always been, her entire life spent going against culture, tradition and what was normal. She was quirkless, loud, foul mouthed and brash with a twisted sense of humor, nothing like what a proper young fourteen year old girl should be. On top of all this, she was pretty positive that she was romantically attracted to other girls.
That must have been the problem, this realization and struggle to come to terms with the fact that she would, once again, have something to make her not ‘normal’. Natsuki thought that she had accepted it by now, that she would never fit in and that people would always treat her differently. She wanted to embrace her oddities, her personality and just… who she was. But as she grew older, she found it harder to accept herself. If she just stayed quiet about herself, then maybe people would accept her easier. If she just didn’t tell them about being quirkless, about her hobbies, her dreams, and that she was interested in girls, it would all just fall into place and she would be accepted.
Thinking like this is what put these weights on her in the first place. They had only been made heavier by the feeling of soft lips against her own, where she had kissed a classmate behind the school building a few weeks ago. There was a mutual interest between her and this girl, and the fact that she had shared her first kiss without being able to tell a soul was something that tugged at her heart. On top of that, the girl had asked if she wanted to go out sometime, and Natsuki had hesitated. How could she say yes when no one but her knew how she was? What if her family got upset with her? What if that was the final straw for them, and they just couldn’t accept her as they always had anymore?
It would destroy her, to see a look of disgust on her father’s face or have him talk down on her. Her relationship with her father was everything to her, and she just didn’t know if it would be worth it to risk telling him. But then, she couldn’t help but to think, would it be worth it to lose him or to lose who she was? The rational knowledge that they would think of her no differently was clouded by her negative thoughts, scared that all the love she felt from her family would vanish in an instant.
One would think that a sudden punch to the face would bring Natsuki back to her senses, but all it really did was make it fall to the ground, first to her knees before her entire bed met the hard wooden floor beneath her. Face down, she hissed out in pain, pressing her forehead into the floor as she tried to bring her spinning head back to attention.
“Shit, sorry, kiddo. I thought you would have been able to dodge that one.” The man that had landed the punch didn’t go to her aid, taking a moment to push his orange hair out of his face.
Natsuki gave a small shake of her now pounding head, pushing herself up onto her knees and hands. Her wild long blonde hair cascaded down over her shoulders, hiding her face from her training partner, which was something that she happy for. She didn’t want them to see the frustration on her face, the pain and sadness that had been suddenly jolted out of her with that hit. “It’s cool, Uncle Doey. I’m fine. Just… give me a second.”
The trembling of her voice wasn’t something that went unnoticed by Dokuji, who shared a worried glance with the other man that was sitting off to the side. “What do you think, Seiji? Think I knocked her brains out?”
Seijirou stood, giving a sigh as he approached his lover to stand beside him. “I think her brains were gone long ago. Natsuki, where is your focus? You’re trying to hide it, but you’ve been in your own little world for weeks now.”
Swallowing hard, Natsuki kept her crimson glare on the floor, watching as the sweat dripping from her nose created a small puddle. How stupid it was, to think that she could hide what she was feeling, especially from Seijirou. He could read her like a book, and although he wasn’t family by blood or marriage, he was someone she felt was nearly as close to her as her father was. She adored and respected him, and here she was, being a total disgrace. For weeks she hadn’t taken training seriously, wallowing in her own little pit of self pity. It was disgusting, and yet, she couldn’t help it.
It had all just been boiling within her from the instant she kissed that girl, a mixture of fear, regret, excitement and the wanting to tell someone. She wanted to make sense of it all, to find a way to just be herself again. So, she decided, that it was now or never.
“Natsuki,” Seijirou stated again. “Why don’t you--”
“I like girls.”
“Huh?” The soft, confused question left Seijirou’s lips before he could really comprehend what she had said. It made Natsuki’s stomach nearly fly out of her throat as she moved to sit, hugging herself as she glared off at the wall.
“I said I like girls!” Natsuki snapped at him, fighting back the burning that was starting to build up in her senses. “Are you already going deaf, you old man?!”
Typically, such a comment would have Seijirou scolding her for disrespect, but now he was silent. It only made her nervousness grow, beginning to visibly tremble, now. Of all the people to tell first, she figured Seijirou would be the safest. He was married to another man, after all, and was open about his sexuality with not a single hint of weakness in his disposition. She wished she could be like him and Dokuji, to not feel ashamed of who she was. But how could she, when everything she was as a person was considered shameful to society.
She couldn’t even find it within herself to look up at them as they approached her, both taking a seat in her field of vision and forcing her to look another direction. Fearful that she may puke if she opened her mouth, she refused to speak just yet, huddling into herself. Thankfully, she didn’t have to wait long, as Seijirou spoke once he was seated comfortably.
“That’s what has you down? That you’ve noticed this?”
Natsuki nodded, beginning to pick at the black nail polish on her short fingernails. “If I think about it, I guess I’ve… always known. But as it really sets in its… its messing with me. I just can’t think about anything else…”
“It’s okay to be scared or worried, Natsuki. But you really shouldn’t be.” Seijirou leaned forward a bit, elbows resting on his knees. “I know it’s a lot to process when it finally hits you. I didn’t accept it myself until I was a little older than you, though I had gone back and forth with it for years.” His relation to her calmed Natsuki enough to give her the courage to look up at him, even though her eyes were blurry with tears.
“Though I can’t say that I completely relate to you, Natsuki, that wouldn’t be right of me to say.” Seijirou continued, clasping his gloved hands together. “Because I… feel attracted to anyone whom I find... attractive. No matter their gender, identity or… any of that. I just happened to fall in love with another man, you see. It was… easy for me to hide it. And I did, even after I had accepted myself fully.”
Natsuki gave a small nod in understanding, releasing a trembling sigh to calm herself. “I can accept myself, I think. It’s just… what about my parents… my friends. My brothers… They might hate me.”
Her gaze moved to Dokuji as he gave a small shake of his head. “Natsu, your family loves you. I can’t speak for your friends, but if they act like shitheads, then they don’t deserve you.”
“I’ll be honest, Natsuki,” Seijirou pointed at her, bringing her attention to his finger. “I could tell. And if I could tell, then your parents probably already know.”
The feeling of tears growing stronger, Natsuki felt her face flush, looking back down at her nails. “But what if they don’t? Uncle Seiji, you just don’t get it. I wouldn’t be able to stand it if Daddy hated me. I’d just shrivel up and die.”
“You know that wouldn’t happen. You used to think that about being quirkless. And what has he done your entire life?”
“Supported me.”
“Exactly!”
“But how do I tell them? How did you do it?” Natsuki glanced between the two men, who also exchanged glances. Dokuji shook his head, leaning back on his arms. “I never did…”
“I… really didn’t have to. My parents already knew, like I said.” Seijirou stared up at the ceiling for a moment, having not talked about his deceased parents in a long time. “My dad found a letter I had written confessing to a boy in high school. It was embarrassing, but he just told me to be safe about it. After knowing so many people like us, though, I have realized that I had it very easy.”
Natsuki sighed, bringing her knees up to her chest. “So I have to figure it out on my own, then…”
“No you don’t. Natsuki, we may be your martial arts teachers, but we care about you like family. You know that, right?” Seijirou gave her a nudge with his foot, and when she didn’t respond, he nudged her again. “C’mon, where’s my bratty girl at? Huh?”
Although she was annoyed by his pestering, a smile and short laugh broke though, smacking his foot away playfully. “Stop it! You’re so annoying sometimes! I’m trying to be serious, this is really important--” A squeak interrupted her as Seijirou poked her in the side with his foot, right where she was horrifically ticklish. Snatching onto his foot, she did her best to push him away, but found that he was too strong to move. Smug smirk on his face, Seijirou gave a decently strong push, making her fall backwards with a squealing laughter.
“There she is! You can have an important conversation without being sad like that, Natsuki. You’re not a sad person. You’re strong and funny, that grin should never leave your face. We both support you, and you know that! Now, my little star pupil, you have to tell me.”
“Tell you what? How bad your grey hairs look?” Natsuki stayed laying on her back, glaring at him with a snarky smirk on her face, which only grew as his eyes widened in surprise.
“What!? I have perfectly fine grey hair, you little turd!”
Dokuji chuckled, finding it funny how Natsuki knew exactly how to get to him. “How mature, Seiji. To call a teenager a turd.”
“She’s lucky I don’t make her do a million push ups. No, Natsu, you need to tell me how you figured it out. Usually it’s something big, like a kiss or holding hands or something.” Seijirou’s explanation instantly made Natsuki’s face flush bright red, shaking her head as she sat up.
“I-I can’t tell you! I’ll get in trouble!”
“We won’t tell your parents, Natsu, that’s for you to do. And I won’t force you, either. But talking about it might help you.”
After glaring up at the ceiling for a bit, Natsuki sighed, covering her eyes with her hands. “I… I kissed a girl… Behind the building at school.”
“Oh. I expected it to be something a little more innocent, like… I dunno.”
“Whatever!” Natsuki turned to face him, narrowing her eyes at him as a smirk crossed her lips. “You probably did way worse! Aha, you’re blushing!”
“I am not!” Seijirou denied, though he fully knew he was. “I realized with just a kiss, too-- Hey, Doey, don’t look at me like that! You shouldn’t support her nonsense!”
Dokuji snickered, shoving his lover over playfully as he stood. “Yeah, yeah, whatever Seiji. C’mon, get your ass up off the floor, we still have three hours of training left.” Bending over a bit, Dokuji offered out his hand towards Natsuki, who looked up at him curiously. His bright blue gaze was a piercing as ever, but it was soft. There was no pity, no abhorrence like she had expected. There was only the love and support that she had always known, and if anything, their bond was stronger. Taking his hand, Natsuki rose to her feet with his help, giving a click of her tongue as he ruffled her already wild hair.
“Be yourself, Natsuki. Always. Unapologetically.” With that, he held his fist up, which Natsuki returned with a bump from her own, wide smile returning to her lips.
“Uncle Doey, I think I know why Uncle Seiji loves you so much.” Natsuki put her hands on her hips, looking up at Seijirou as he stood, curious look on his face. “You’re so… poetic and emotional, while he’s just a grumpy old man.”
“Okay, Natsuki, that’s it!” Seijirou snapped as the two laughed at him, pointing towards the workout area of the studio. “Mister sensitivity is gone! No more slacking off, three weeks with no progress is unacceptable. Let’s go, double time!”
“Wait, I thought we were gonna talk about how I can tell my parents?”
“We will, while you do the Hell workout routine. Go! Chop-chop!”
…
Maybe picking on Uncle Seiji so much today was a bad idea. I’m worn out! Natsuki sighed as she nearly had to drag herself down the sidewalk, nearing her home. The day had been draining, both emotionally and physically, but she did have to admit that she felt better. Both talking and working out her frustrations had brought back the confidence that had been drowned out by the fear. Now, all she really had to do was… say it.
That was the decision she had come to. There would be no sitting her parents down formally, nor would she pout and nearly cry like she had earlier. If she was strong and confident in herself, then she knew that they would accept her without any second thoughts. Or, at least, that’s what she had to keep telling herself to stay calm. There would be no more hesitation, no more hiding herself. He would spit it out, just as she had with Seijirou and Dokuji.
She had wanted to, anyway.
The instant she walked through the door and her mother’s soft voice reached her ears, she felt frozen solid, hardly able to choke out a greeting in return. Taking off her shoes, she shoved her sore feet into her bright orange slippers, bracing herself for a moment before heading into the living room. Her parents were both on the couch, sitting close together as they watched some nonsense on the television. They both looked away at her entrance, a soft smile crossing her mother’s lips.
“Hey, Natsu. Looks like you got roughed up a bit today.” Koge stood, planning on heading to the kitchen to heat up Natsuki’s dinner, since she was a bit later than normal. Natsuki gave a shrug, doing her best to fight against her emotions so she wouldn’t give away that something was wrong. “Eh, I guess. Uncle Seiji was a bit harsh on me today.”
“Why’s that?” Bakugou was next so speak, and Natsuki could already see the suspicion in his gaze. Setting her bag of clothing down on the floor by the couch, she leaned on the back of it, giving the best fake grin she could. “I picked on him a lot today. He was a bit sensitive about his grey hair.”
“Hm. Are you sure it wasn’t because of your lack of improvement and performance?”
Natsuki felt her heart sink a bit, leaning more over the couch with a pout on her face. “Did he tell you?!”
“No.” Bakugou stood, taking a moment to stretch and remove his glasses from his face. “I noticed. You think I wouldn’t? You haven’t used the gym here in a couple of weeks, when you used to every day.”
“Katsuki, let her eat before starting the interrogation! I’m sure she’s starving.” Koge called from the kitchen, cutting off Natsuki’s chance to speak. Stammering and stuttering her words a bit, Natsuki tugged at the bottom hem of her shirt. “I- I mean, it’s… I’m cool, it’s not… Ah, food-” With an awkward point of her finger, she shuffled into the kitchen, trying to flee her father’s intense gaze. His footsteps following behind her only made her more nervous, and though she felt like she may vomit, she began to shovel the food into her mouth the instant she sat down at the kitchen table.
She figured that as long as she had food in her mouth, she wouldn’t have to answer any questions her father may throw at her. What her mother had said made it obvious to Natsuki that they knew something was up, and had been planning on talking to her in secret. The fact that neither of her brothers were downstairs confirmed that they wanted her alone, and now they had her cornered in the kitchen with no escape. No matter what she wanted, she knew that it was time. But, she was curious as to what they thought was the problem.
After a while of silent eating, Natsuki swallowed what food was in her mouth, finally looking up at her parents. They were standing beside the kitchen island, talking quietly amongst themselves about nothing in particular, both looking at Koge’s phone as she held it. They seemed so calm, which could either be a good or bad thing. Her mother was always calm, but her father was a different story. When it came to everything outside of the house, he could be explosively angry, as was his nature. With his children, however, calmness either meant he was, well… calm. Or it could mean that he was furious.
He seems in a good mood, if he’s laughing at whatever Mom is showing him. I’m probably overthinking it all--
Her thoughts were cut off as Bakugou looked over at her, seeming to have noticed she stopped eating. “Are you done?”
Ah, he’s impatient! Crap, this isn’t good. Natsuki looked down at her plate, feeling like she would burst if she took another bite. “I, uhm… I guess so?”
“That’s a yes or no question.” Bakugou took his place sitting across from her at the table. His glare bore into her, even though she wasn’t looking at him, feeling like it could dig a hole right through her skin. Placing her chopsticks down over the plate, Natsuki nodded, pushing it away from her a bit. “Yes, Daddy, I’m… done eating.”
“Good.” Bakugou watched Koge for a moment as she took the nearly empty plate from the table, heading over to the sink to clean it. “I expect an easy discussion, Natsuki. None of that vague answer crap that you always try to do to avoid getting in trouble.”
Natsuki nodded, trying to hold back that familiar feeling of burning in her senses that she had restrained earlier that day. She knew it was going to be harder having this discussion with her father, and though she could still remember Seijirou and Dokuji’s words of encouragement, her fears were gradually returning. “Okay… I-” She was cut off by an involuntary hiccup, though she quickly disguised it with a clearing of her throat. “- I have something I want to tell you, anyway…”
“Oh? Then go on.” Bakugou leaned back in the chair, his hands resting casually in his sweatpants pockets. Natsuki finally looked up at him, a soft shake of her head following. “You… Can you tell me what you think is wrong first?”
Koge finally joined them, standing behind her husband with her hands resting on his shoulders. “What? Natsuki, you can just tell us what’s wrong.”
“We’re worried about you, Squid. You’ve been different for weeks, now. Are you sick?” Bakugou gave a small shrug as he thought. “Stressed? Hurt?”
“Are you feeling depressed or overworked?” Koge continued with the running suggestions, brow furrowed with worry. “Does it have something to do with your training? Should we stop it, or give you a break?”
“No!” Natsuki was quick to defend her combat training, sitting up from slouching. “No, it’s not my training at all! I don’t want to stop.”
“Well you’ve been slacking off. Severely. Seijirou told us a couple of days ago that you haven’t been improving or pushing yourself. That you seem… distracted.” Bakugou gave a small nod of his head, eyes on her bandaged cheek, covering the bruise where she had been hit that day during training. “You never let yourself get hit. That’s a big deal, Natsu, and the fact that you didn’t come home raging and pissed off about it says a lot.”
Natsuki reached up to tenderly touch her cheek, having not even thought about how differently she had acted in that regard. “It was my fault, I was… I wasn’t paying attention.”
“And that’s not like you at all. So, after watching you for a while, we’ve thought that maybe… You’ve gotten out of the whole fighting thing, and you want to stop. Or, your thoughts are stuck on something that you’re hiding from us. Or, you’re ill in some way, either physically or mentally.” Bakugou leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. “So? Spit it out.”
The burning in her eyes nearly unbearable at this point, Natsuki glanced between her parents, vision growing blurry with tears. The surprise was visible on their expressions, as Natsuki wasn’t one to cry. Ever. But this was something so deep, so important, personal and life changing that she was beginning to feel overwhelmed with the onslaught of emotions that came with it. She tried to take in a breath to calm herself, but that broke her resistance, and hot tears began to roll down her cheeks.
“I… I’m so scared you’ll hate me.” Natsuki spoke with a trembling voice, trying to blink the tears away, but they only grew in intensity from her efforts. Frowning, Bakugou reached across and took one of her petite hands into his, giving it a comforting squeeze.
“Natsuki… I don’t think there’s anything you could do that would make us hate you. If something is wrong, we want to help.”
Nodding, Natsuki tried to wipe her cheeks clean with her free hand, but found that it was pointless as more tears replaced them. “I’m not sick. And I’m not… depressed. Though I have been… sad and worried. Since what I did…”
The two adults stayed quiet, waiting patiently for her to continue. Taking in a few deep breaths, Natsuki continued. “I… I had my first… kiss. Outside the school building. I… initiated it.”
Koge’s expression relaxed a bit, while Bakugou’s brow only furrowed in obvious confusion and slight annoyance. “Eh? Who? You’re too young for--”
“It was a girl. I… I like girls.”
The trembling of her body as she spit out the truth grew more severe, Bakugou even moving his surprised gaze from her face to her hand, which he was still holding tightly. With a sigh, he placed his other hand over them, giving a small shake of his head. “Natsuki… Baby, we’ve… known that.”
“Huh?” Natsuki sniffled, looking up at her mother as Koge walked around the able to sit beside her. Gently, Koge stroked Natsuki’s hair, giving her a comforting smile. “We’ve known that since you were little… It was always something that we could just… tell.”
“H-how?” Shock overwhelming her fear, Natsuki shook her head, trying to figure it out herself. “What have I done that’s weird to give me away? I thought I always did… regular things.”
“You did, Natsu. You did what was normal to you.” Bakugou reached across to wipe her uninjured cheek of tears. “You always wanted to pick flowers for girls you would call ‘cute’. You never talk about boys, except for when you say you beat one up for one reason or another. As you’ve gotten older we’ve seen you stare at girls, like most would stare at a boy they found attractive.”
Heat rushed to Natsuki’s cheeks, shifting nervously in her seat as she grew embarrassed. “I-I didn’t realize you… paid that much attention.” Bakugou gave a short chuckle, standing and making his way around the table to sit on the other side of her.
“We notice everything. And honestly, Natsuki, you’re a horrible liar. You can never keep a secret or something that you’ve done hidden for long. It just eats at you until you explode. I know how that is, I’m the same way.” He gave her hair a rough ruffle, forcing an annoyed whine from her lips as he ruined it more than it already was. “You know that you can come to us about anything. Don’t let it fester in that wild little head of yours.”
“Fester?!” Natsuki’s voice squeaked as she mocked her father's choice of works, playfully smacking his hand away before attempting to fix her hair. “Daddy, you’re so weird.”
“I think I’ve been listening to you go on about your special effects makeup nonsense for a little too long. You and your… festering wounds.”
Koge giggled softly, reaching up to help Natsuki with her wild locks. “I think you’re both silly. But seriously, Natsuki. There’s no reason to hide anything from us.” She let her hand fall to caress Natsuki’s cheek, gently urging her to look up at her. Nearly instantly, Natsuki felt filled with a warm sense of love and acceptance, her mother’s kind gaze and gentle touch calming any of the fears she may of had.
“You’re our baby girl, Natsuki. And no matter who you choose to love, as long as they are a good person and treat you well, we will always be there to support you.” Koge placed a soft kiss on her forehead, bringing the tears back to Natsuki’s eyes, even as she clenched them shut tightly. Sniffling, she latched her arms around her mother, hugging her as she began to cry again softly. “Mama… I’m sorry.”
“You have nothing to be sorry about, love.” Koge held her daughter close, looking up at Bakugou as he scooted in closer. He wrapped his strong arms around them both, pulling them in close and placing a kiss to the top of Natsuki’s head. Natsuki hooked one of her arms around his, though she kept her face hidden in her mother’s shoulder as she sobbed.
“You’re the best… Even when I can be such a little shit… You never give up on me.”
“I think by now you’d know that we’re not ones to give up on anything, especially not our baby girl.” Bakugou eased up his grip as Natsuki sat up a bit from her mother, turning her attention to him. She couldn’t help but to giggle as he playfully pinched her uninjured cheek, that familiar feeling of happiness and bubbly energy beginning to return to her body.
Turning to face him, Natsuki wrapped her arms around his neck to hug him properly, giggling as he squeezed her. “Daddy, don’t! You’ll break me like a twig!”
“If you haven’t been mangled yet by all the training you go through, then I think you’re just damn indestructible.” Picking her up, he placed her down on the table, prompting her to release him. Though, she was surprised as he sat back down with a sigh, hands returning to his pockets, as if he weren’t quite done with the interrogation. “Now,” Bakugou began again, glancing at Koge before back up at his daughter. “I hope you don’t think you’ve gotten away without getting into trouble.”
“Huh? Trouble?” Natsuki kicked her legs a bit nervously, pout crossing her lips. “What did I do?”
“You’re too young to be kissing!”
“Daddy! It was literally just a little peck, it wasn’t like full on making out with tongue and everything.”
Koge smiled, giving a pat to Bakugou’s leg before standing. “Oh stop it, Katsuki. Let her be, a little kiss is fine, we can’t punish her for something like that.”
“I don’t want to punish her.” Bakugou mumbled, glowering up at his wife. “I just want her to be safe.”
“I’ll be fine, Daddy!” Natsuki nudged him with her foot. “I like her a lot! She even asked me to go on a date!”
“A date?! No, you’re growing up too fast, I’m not ready for my girl to start dating.”
“So can I?” Natsuki beamed at him, bouncing in her spot as he stood. After another glance down at Koge, Bakugou sighed, rubbing the back of his neck before nodding. “Fine, fine--” He was cut off as Natsuki squealed, throwing herself back into his arms to hug him tightly.
“Thank you, Daddy! I’m so happy! I love you both so much!”
“We love you, too, Natsuki. Don’t ever forget that.”
#bnha scenarios#bnha imagines#katsuki bakugou#bnha oc#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#bakugou x oc#bakugou x koge#fanfiction#bnha fanfiction#bnha writing blog#bakugou katsuki#original character#oc#koge#natsuki#seijirou#dokuji#cutesuki-oc#pride#pride month
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Notes on Long Dream --Live Remix--
Keeping with the theme naming, I guess this is the insert??
-Like the description says, this is a theory I developed after playing A New Day. Not sure how accurate it actually is, but it was the best idea I had, and getting to examine the potential Coco has was interesting. The txt speech and memes were simultaneously painful and a joy to write.
-I’m told Shinjuku has quite a few Shinto shrines, so I leaned into that for the important places in the UG to make it feel more distinct from Shibuya. (The myths surrounding the tapir are also tied to Shinto, so bonus points!) Coco’s skill at travelling to parallel worlds is also a nod to Shinjuku’s status as one of the busiest stations in the world: her city is known for travel, so of course she’s mastered all forms of travelling! This is why no one plays basketball with her.
-“Seiji” means “lawful and just”, since he takes his duties very seriously. “Rōjin” means “old man”, since I wanted him to be a good foil to Coco whose full name literally means “new child.” For someone as bouncy and talkative as Coco, a stern, quiet old man made the perfect counterpoint, someone who speaks so little that Coco routinely carries an entire conversation by herself.
-“Atsuko” means “honest child” and “Watanabe” means “to cross the edge”. The Conductor is a very sincere woman who wants to care for Shinjuku as best as she possibly can, and her devotion to that ideal is what drives her to break her loyalty to Coco, symbolized by her stepping over the boundary of white sand which is used to designate sacred spaces in Shinto. In a way she’s kind of in-between Coco and Rōjin, personality-wise.
-I intentionally left several things vague so that I wasn’t making too many assumptions, but I knew there were a few gaps I should at least try to fill in. Since Coco implies there’s a group behind the Inversion occurring, and I’m 90% sure this is tied to the Noise Hanekoma is observing in Another Day (and other implications that this is an Angel-related problem), I figured the most logical choice of villain would be a group of Fallen Angels. Calling them “the Inferno” was just sort of a go-to, although it did get me thinking about how each might represent one of the Seven Deadly Sins, maybe each controlling a Magnum Opus Noise that contains a world that reflects the respective circles of Hell tied to those sins. Probably not going to do anything with that though, that’d be a lot of work and I’ve never actually read The Inferno, so…
-I have no idea where to even begin with Hype-chan, so sadly she’s just a cameo in this story. Though I imagine as events escalate, she’ll become involved and we’ll figure out who she is and how she prompted visions for Neku and Coco. Those visions were the best way I thought I could justify Coco spending years feeding the Dissonance Tapir.
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To a New Era for Japan and Maybe Us
Starting May 1, 2019 marks the start of a new era in Japan and the end of a 30-year period which sounds as hectic as a long-running manga.
A lot of things have happened to Japan over the Heisei Era, a 30-year period between January 1989 and April 2019 where Emperor Akihito ruled Japan as the 125th emperor. Japan was a booming country in the 1980s’, only to fall hard into a recession that still has some ramifications today. Japan now has to figure out how to deal with globalization, an ever-growing aging population, women’s rights, and a lot more as the spotlight is on them when the 2020 Olympics hits Tokyo.
But Japan managed to captivate the world with the rise of anime and manga to overseas audiences during the Heisei Era. While thinking about how much Japanese pop culture has grown, some words about what makes it appealing stuck with me.
It’s these closing words from a Japan Times feature on anime and manga becoming global phenomena over the past 3 decades.
“Compared with so much of Western pop’s tired innuendos, ironies and increasingly politicized racial and sexual controversies, anime and manga often feel more like earnest expressions of personal yearning and the pleasure of entertainment. Through shared media, diversity and longing, individuals around the world have come to love Japanese culture through its most embraceable, if imaginary, gods: Goku, Pikachu and Astro Boy. Money might well ruin it.
Note that these words are from Roland Kelts, author of Japanamerica and one of the premier experts in Japanese pop culture. To put those words in context, Viz Media founder Seiji Horibuchi was quoted in the feature - saying that anime and manga shouldn’t compete with Hollywood because being mainstream would kill both. He argues that anime and manga should stay where they are as unique subcultures that appeal to online audiences.
I have thought about Western pop culture and all the controversies surrounding things like diversity, feminism, etc. To be honest, I don’t mind politically correct culture. However, I find it problematic when a lot of the controversy hits online because all it does is fuel emotions in a really bad way. Which then leads to so much unnecessary anger and fatigue for everyone involved. There are people who take things out of a grander context just to rile people up for no good reason but for attention.
I think opinions are fine, but there’s way too many opinions on things that may not be as serious as one might think. I don’t like how some controversies are handled, that’s all.
I might be speaking for those who are in-between both sides in that there’s so much expectations on how to behave, what to say, what to believe, who to be around, etc. This all creates a kind of cognitive dissonance where one has to keep questioning everything they do. No one has time to think it through or else they get left behind. In a way, it sounds a bit forced.
I know some folks don’t believe in the idea of forced diversity, but it does exist in things like workplace diversity programs. There has been a bigger initiative for companies to get employees on board with diversity. However, all the programs fell flat. Why? For starters, everyone has bias towards something. If you shame them for being (insert bad label), they don’t feel the incentive to change. You might think that they can go screw themselves, but we need as many allies as we can. And if that involves getting "terrible” people on board, then so be it.
I’ll use a good example to illustrate - tolerance of gay people. It didn’t just rise out of nowhere by gay activists only talking to gay folks. They got a majority of non-gay allies along the way, even though there was opposition from their own community. The activists knew that if they can relate to straight people in ways that bound them together (i.e. marriage and family values), then they can start a big movement. And they did. (There’s a whole podcast about this, which is REALLY good to hear.)
There have been studies where companies were told to force employees to embrace ideas like diversity/positivity or leave. What happened was that the companies who used mandatory rules didn’t improve whatever ideals they preached at all. Attitudes didn’t change or changed very little (ie people were still jerks outside of office). Minority employees didn’t get promoted. No one felt they had a say in things if the process was flawed. When things were pro-voluntary (i.e. voluntary training), then things actually improved. Employees were more willing to be diverse and there was better treatment of employees.
What I guess I’m trying to say is that there’s a “lack of control” factor that plays into why people want/don’t want diversity and such in their media. I’m not saying that we stop fighting for what’s right, but we need to ask ourselves if we’re actually fighting for something for everyone or just doing it because we want to control it to please only us.
Now how all of this relates to anime and manga? For starters, anime and manga were always made for Japanese audiences in mind. This is more evident in manga due to all the many titles and subjects the medium covers. You can’t expect a mangaka to think of the entire world when drawing. They have to make money for themselves and please their home country first and foremost. While mangaka do take others’ opinions into consideration, their diverse imagination comes from having a kind of freedom that comes from their own experiences. They were diverse without being told to be diverse.
That’s the paradox that I thought about in my head. Force should only be used as a last resort. Sometimes, I feel that Western culture preaches force as a 1st or 2nd line of defense because most Westerners were taught horrible lies on how to behave and get what they want.
Maybe that’s why I’ve noticed how folks in the West are looking to Eastern philosophies like mindfulness and Buddhism to get through their own mental issues. Western culture is indeed polarizing, so sure. However, there have been criticisms over how the West treats Eastern principles to make themselves feel more “positive” instead of actually looking at the pain/stress they go through and be humbled by it (which is what Buddhism/mindfulness are truly about). It’s very hard for some people to learn self-acceptance and commitment over here sometimes.
To be honest, anime and manga are a reflection of Eastern principles, good and bad. There’s stuff that makes you think, cringe, gasp, laugh, cry, or be disgusted. Anime and manga have gotten away with so much compared to other media in terms of censorship. For a country that’s so homogeneous, the diverse amount of anime and manga in Japan is astounding.
Anime and manga are here to stay, but I really don’t know if they will ever reach Hollywood-level. I know there are parties who want anime to be validated in America among the eyes of many. I just hope that they don’t take on corporate America strategies and preach diversity for the sake of being cool and with the times. I’m looking at you, big tech companies and companies who say they stand for something with neat ads, but don’t really care as their other tactics say otherwise. That is what bothers and scares me the most more than anything.
Japan is now in the Reiwa Era, which is supposed to preach peace and tranquility. I just hope the West does the same. If it doesn’t, then well, let’s just continue to make our lives as anime as possible because after all, we really know what it’s like to be diverse.
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Diabolik Lovers LOST EDEN [Sakamaki Reiji - Maniac No. 06]
Please note, I do not allow my translations to be taken elsewhere, nor do I wish for them to be used as a base for another Language.
Cannon’s note before you start:
☆ - The right decision
Place: Eden - Courtyard
Yui: ( ... ... ah, It’s Reiji-san. It’s a little uncomfortable but... ... let’s, try talking to hjim. )
**Walks up to him**
Yui: ... ... hello.
Reiji: Oh... ... what are you doing at a place like this?
Yui: I was walking, for a little.
What about Reiji-san--
Yui: ( It’s a Familiar... ... looks like it brought a letter. )
Reiji: ... ... this seal is, whose letter may this be from.
**Opens letter and reads**
Reiji: The sender is... ... Kino?
It’s a name I do not remember... ...
Reiji: ... ... ... ...
Yui: ( What a grim face... ... is something bad written on it? )
Decision 1: 視線をそらす / Look away
Yui: ( But, it might be something really important so... ... let’s not disturb him. )
Yui: ( ... ... but I was finally able to talk to him, and just looking down is, lonely. )
☆ Decision 2: 聞いてみる / Ask
Yui: ( He might say that I’m a hindrance but... ... I’m curious. )
Yui: ( Let’s just go for it, and ask. )
Yui: ... ... what’s the matter?
Reiji: What do you think I am feeling?
Yui: Very, surprised-like... ... or is sad... ...
Yui: ( He looks so exhausted... ... I’m worried. )
Reiji: ... .. to you, it may be a pleasing content.
Yui: Eh... ...?
Reiji: If you are curious, I do not mind if you read it, Please.
**Takes letter**
Yui: Then... ... excuse me.
**Starts reading**
Yui: ( ... ... eh? )
Yui: ... ... no way... ...
Monologue:
What was written on there, was from the Church Forces in the Human world wishing to offer a certain deal to Reiji-san the King of the Vampire Clan.
As hostage the name of the 5 Sakamaki Brothers were written, and as I tried to continue reading the requirements, I was able to see a name that I couldn’t even have imagined.
Yui: ( In exchange for everyone’s life, hand my body over, is what’s written. And the one who is requesting that is... ... )
Reiji: --A name called Komori Seiji,
You haven’t seen it for a long while, haven’t you?
Yui: Why is Father... ...!
Reiji: It seems he is diligently looking for you.
Yui: No way... ...
Yui: ( I thought that it wouldn’t be strange if he had forgotten about me. And yet... ... he remembered. )
Yui: ( I wonder if he worried about me? ... ... when I think about that, my chest hurts. I should be happy... ... but it’s a little complicated. )
Yui: ( Father hated Vampires. But I, his daughter, am acting together like this with a Vampire. )
Yui: ( Far from it, we feel for each other... ... and are in a very close relation. )
Yui: ( He might’ve noticed but, if he knew that’s the truth, I wonder what kind of face he would make. )
Yui: ( I’m sure... ... no, definitely he wouldn’t forgive me. )
Reiji: ... ... are you feeling anxious?
Yui: ... ... ... ...
Yui: ( Of course I’m anxious, but I shouldn’t make that kind of face in front of Reiji-san. )
Yui: ( Because, I followed him here to Eden with my own intent. )
Yui: ( ... ... if they can come to terms, I want them to one day... ... but I’m sure its very difficult to do. )
Yui: No... ... I’m alright.
Reiji: ... ... then it’s fine.
Yui: Apart from this the one who sent the letter... ...
Who is this person called Kino?
Reiji: I have no idea.
Though his existence is someone who can make a deal with the Church Forces so, it’s troublesome.
Yui: ... ... what will you do?
Reiji: ... ... ... ...
Yui: ( Reiji-san, he’s uncertain... ... it’s only natural because everyone’s life is on the line. )
Yui: ( But, he’s for sure thinking about me as well... ... )
Yui: ... ... Reiji-san.
Please save, everyone.
Reiji: ... ... pardon?
Yui: If it’s about in exchange for life, if I don’t go everyone will... ...
Then... ...!
Reiji: ... ... stop with the jokes.
Reiji: Why must I accept the trade, to help those, selfish and egocentric people?
Reiji: Even if it’s yourself, you would be able to understand what would happen if we accept that deal.
Yui: ( ... ... the deal is, to hand me over to the Church Forces. )
Yui: ( If we did so, I might get separated from Reiji-san. )
Yui: ( That would be hard but... ... )
Yui: But, everyone is... ...
Reiji: ... ... that disgusting attitude, I can’t stand the sight of it.
Yui: Eh... ...?
Reiji: I am saying that hypocrisy of yours, makes me extremely irritated.
Reiji: In the end, you just want to reunite with your Father, isn’t that right?
Reiji: Spitting out words as if you’re thinking that it’s for me... ... I am disgusted.
Yui: No... ... it’s not!
Reiji: You can say anything with your mouth.
Yui: ... ... did you maybe... ... kept thinking in that way?
Reiji: ... ... ... ...
Reiji: ... ... yes, that is right.
You are Human after all. Fundamentally, everything is different to us.
Reiji: Even if you came to understand it from the surface... ... but to the things that are rooted within, I do not think so.
Yui: No way... ...
Yui: ( Then, what exactly were the times that we’ve spent... ...? )
Yui: ( Thinking that we properly felt for each other, was only myself is... ... )
Yui: ... ... !
**Yui runs away**
Reiji: ... ... ... ...
Reiji: ( ... ... this was for the best. I can only think this way. )
Reiji: ( Like I am calming down my mind, the feelings... ... if I close off the feelings towards her. )
Reiji: ( Like this, the decaying of Eden stops. ... ... as I thought, is this the answer to everything? )
Reiji: ( In order to protect her as well-- )
( I may be better that we do not stay together... ... )
**Reiji walks away**
Azusa: Eve... ... was crying... ...
Azusa: ... ... ... ....
**Azusa walks away**
Monologue:
Even while I continued to ran, the chest pain steadily grew increasingly.
It felt like everything that was built up till now, was destroyed in an instant and turns pitch dark before my eyes. I tremble, at the situation where I could only hold my severely hurt heart alone.
I do not know exactly what decisin Reiji-san would make. One after another getting closer to him who is anxious, my mind continues to shake unsteadily.
It seems, I won’t be able to stop my tears for a while.
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I have this kinda far fetched theory, but please hear me out!
After this arc, Kirishima is practically half dead and guilty over that he broke. He knows that he has to get stronger and keep training, but the whole thing is such an impact on his schoolwork (he already has pretty bad grades). So Kirishima decides to quit U.A. High School and permanently start working as an intern at Fatgum’s office. He already has a Hero Licence, after all. He promises Bakugou that he will return when he is worthy enough as a man, and when Bakugou can be proud to call him his friend (or lover). (It’s cheesy, I know lol) If we’re following the theory (which I am, in this case) that Kirishima has a yakuza past, he will still have the money to be able to cover expenses (hero costume, place to stay, food), because the yakuza is loaded and he is too. Kirishima leaves U.A. and Bakugou and the others are sad and furious. But they now have an opening, a free place in the class. Enter: Hitoshi Shinsou. He is transferred into Kirishima’s place and is now a part of the Hero Course. It could add up, right? Then, a year or so passes and bad things happen. Who comes back? Kirishima. He works with the U.A. kids again, and all is well. (This isn’t the most detailed thing, and I’m not sure of the ending, but I’d love to hear your insight on this!)
My Prediction About What’ll Happen to Kirishima
Well, you’re right about Kirishima having a temporary hero license. Although, I doubt he’d drop out of U.A. over guilt. If anything, he’d stay at U.A. because he wants to get stronger, and U.A. is the perfect place for him to get stronger. Plus, even if Kirishima does feel guilty enough to think about dropping out of U.A., I think Fatgum and/or other people would talk him out of it. Kirishima thinks highly of others’ opinions. I could see him having a bit of a mental breakdown and at a loss of what to do after he regains consciousness; in fact, that’s what I think will happen. I just don’t think he’d go through with actually dropping out of U.A. Kirishima has always been determined and isn’t a quitter. He’ll keep pushing himself no matter how weak he feels.
Think about it. Kirishima must have felt guilty when he receives his hero license and Bakugou doesn’t, especially after Bakugou helped save Kirishima from Seiji Shishikura (the guy with the meatball Quirk).
Yet that guilt doesn’t stop Kirishima from going out and becoming one of the few Class 1-A students to get an Internship.
Kirishima’s character has been all about perseverance. Because of his Quirk, multiple people have said Kirishima needs to work on persevering through long and difficult battles. He can’t let his opponent wear him down. (Attrition is “the action or process of gradually reducing the strength or effectiveness of someone or something through sustained attack or pressure.”)
Kirishima gets lots of character development when he pushes through his difficulties and stands his ground.
Kirishima’s character is all about standing his ground, doing his best, and to keep fighting until he can’t. If he drops out of U.A. because he thinks he’s not worthy, then that would be a step back in character development and feels out of character for Kirishima, in my opinion. Kirishima has lots of feelings of guilt and thinks very lowly of himself, but he doesn’t let those feelings cause him to back down. One of the main strengths of his character is his perseverance and his ability to keep pushing himself so he can succeed. He keeps training and keeps setting higher goals so he can be stronger. He’ll stay at U.A. because it’s the best place for him to become the best hero he can be, even if he doesn’t feel like a good hero now.
Horikoshi said that Shinsou will get character development in the future.
Horikoshi specifically says he doesn’t know if Shinsou’s development will make it in 2017. This implies his development won’t happen until the end of 2017 or early 2018. There are many chapters until that happens. Maybe around 20, 30, or 40 chapters? This is a rough guess. Yeah, it does make me wonder if Shinsou will replace a Class 1-A student. I hope it’s not Kirishima. Kirishima looks like he won’t get killed during the Internship Arc, and he hasn’t done anything to warrant expulsion. He has such a bright hero career ahead of him, so I don’t see U.A. dropping him or him quitting.
Is Aizawa training Shinsou because he plans on having Shinsou replace one of his students, or is he going to add Shinsou to his class to make Class 1-A 21 students instead of 20?
I love Shinsou, but the idea of him replacing one of the Class 1-A students is nerve wrecking. I wonder if something will happen in a future arc to cause him to join Class 1-A or think about joining Class 1-A, assuming the Internship Arc will end in 20 chapters.
If I had to make a guess about what’ll happen to Kirishima when he wakes up after getting skinned alive, he’ll probably wake up feeling really guilty and having low self-esteem. Before losing consciousness, he has a mental breakdown and is in a lot of pain.
It’s easy to imagine he’ll probably feel like crap after waking up. He’ll also be out of commission until his skin heals. It’s hard to tell how long it’ll take for his skin to heal. It may not take too long since he’ll most likely have Recovery Girl’s help. Having his hardening completely break and seeing Fatgum almost die in front of him will probably get to him, and he’ll beat himself up over it. He may stress out over his feelings of weakness, causing him to push himself harder in order to become stronger. Doing so may push himself unhealthy levels, and this may also affect his grades and his concentration. Kirishima will probably need someone to talk to him to help him heal from his mental turmoil and gain back his confidence. However, as I mentioned before, this won’t cause Kirishima to drop out of U.A. or cause him to back off of what he’s doing. He’s a fighter. He’ll keep doing his best to become his best. This is a character who is following a path towards lots of growth.
#submission#anonymous#bnha#mha#boku no hero academia#my hero academia#kirishima eijirou#kirishima eijiro#long post#predictions#theory#prediction#shinsou hitoshi#manga#fatgum#fat gum#spoilers#mangacaps#boku no hero#analysis#meta
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桐野夏生 - IN
might start using this blog to write book reviews like the fucking nerd i am so here we go. first book review on this blog, and boy it’s gonna be a field trip.
in, by kirino natsuo. at least that’s the JP title. it doesn’t seem to be translated into english from the research i’ve done, and i read the french translation, titled intrusion.
before diving in, i gotta leave a trigger warning list, because again, that book is a field trip.
trigger list:
adultery (major theme)
p/dophilia (chapter 2, goes in detail)
r/pe (chapter 3)
relationship w/ significant age gap (outside of the disgusting p/dophilia stuff. 15-year gap relationship mentioned near the final chapters)
child death mentions
animal abuse mentions
---
do you ever get interested in a book because the summary on the back cover sounds interesting? you tell yourself “oh, this book sounds neat! i’ll buy it/borrow it then and get to read it!”, so you grab it, and then later on you start reading it, already with a couple of expectations from the back cover and thinking to yourself, “boy i’m gonna have a good time!”
but then there’s that feeling. you know, that one feeling in your stomach that tells you you’ve made a horrible mistake soon after you start reading, but at that point you’re already too far in to stop reading (and, in the case in which you bought the book, your money’s already gone anyway)?
yeah. that’s how i felt reading this book.
the book’s protagonist is a writer named suzuki tamaki who’s researching a character from a book by some dead wanker (midorikawa mikio, no i am not going to respect him, my reviews are by no means objective) named O. because she wants to make her the protagonist of her own new book in the making. apparently, there’s some messy stuff involving the wanker, his wife, and his mistress O., because of course the book he wrote, titled “innocent”, is about the wanker being a motherfucker who cheated on his wife and it wrecking havoc in his life. ah yeah, here comes the first warning on here: don’t read this book if adultery triggers you. that’s literally the main theme of this thing. dudes and chicks not being able to be faithful for one fucking minute.
because mister dead wanker isn’t the only fucker cheating on his partner! you see, reading this book not only makes you go through suzuki’s search for who O. could be, it also puts you through her entire pathetic sadgirl2007 journey through reminiscing her affair with her previous editor, abe seiji, and reminiscing over the stuff they did together and whatnot. could be seen almost as sympathetic, if it weren’t for the fact it’s given pretty early that both suzuki and abe cheated on their respective partners.
this book has an innate talent for introducing characters that end up either being frustrating characters, or characters you wish would straight up rot in hell if they happen to be already dead. other times, it makes you wish you were never able to read so you wouldn’t have to push through disgusting content you still gotta read in order to understand the absolute clusterfuck that was midorikawa’s life and work. really, i didn’t need to know the details of that motherfucker grooming a minor for years and him r/ping his mistress in his work, but that was still mentioned, and i’m still disgusted from having read that shit even though it’s been a week i finished reading chapters 2 and 3.
so, disgusting and infuriating book so far, eh? well, there is an aspect from the book i like. while i definitely find the book’s attempts to portray suzuki as pathetic as she mourns her lost relationship or whatever with her fuckbuddy while having no fucking qualms for her husband and son, i do like the moments spent in the book where she interrogates other people and you get to see a glimpse of how they feel towards midorikawa or someone who was seemingly close to the wanker. this investigative aspect, and the process of unveiling the mystery behind O.’s identity culminates at the final chapter, which makes the painful read to get there almost worth it once you push aside the constant mentions of suzuki’s fuckbuddy whom she definitely can’t get over despite being like “yeah it’s over it’s over it’s over it’s over” 24/7. i swear to god by the time i was reading the final chapter i felt like i was getting metaphorically blueballed because that’s how fucking frustrating the read as a whole felt.
in the end though, i sort of liked the finale of the book, and especially the final twist, as it suddenly gave way to some sort of realization.
almost everybody in that book is at fault in their own way, which is part of what makes it frustrating, because in their own point of view, they try to justify themselves for their actions, and as a third party slowly figuring things out and seeing how the characters are at fault, it’s simply frustrating for me to read.
there are innocent people in this book, however. but that becomes obvious only near the finale, i think. oddly enough, it’s referenced in the very beginning of the book too, or maybe i’m just looking too much into it.
overall, i’d say this book could be renamed “investigative blueballs sprinkled with disgusting shit: the book”. kind of interesting, but definitely not for everyone, and especially not for the people triggered by anything mentioned in my trigger list. this was the first work from this author i’ve read, and let’s say that i’m not really feeling like reading another of her works for now.
alright, this is becoming pretty long, and i’ve pretty much said what i had to say. nik out. peace
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Invisible Ch. 8 - Now I’m Here
for the last chapter, i’ve decided to try my best and translate it!! so here you go. for this chapter, souhei literally goes to jail.
Read Ch.7 | Read Afterword
Souhei felt as much pain as his insides being sliced right in half.
On the one hand was the him that wanted to be a resident of the Invisible City. On the other, the him that wanted to return to the outside world. Both parts were completely incompatible, but both were true feelings of sadness.
The next day after he went to see the state of the outside world, in a corner of the Invisible City’s rooftop, Souhei remembered back to his way of life in the outside world. Where had it become so crazy. What was the cause. Why did those kinds of things happen.
Looking off into the distance, there were some girls playing volleyball with a rubber ball. At times like the campfire, in the very first groups that began to dance, there were middle school and high school students from the outside world. The girls looked extremely happy, they also looked peaceful.
He didn’t know what he should do next. However, maybe he needed more time to think. There’s no problem with not rushing things.
Souhei went down the nearby stairs. It was early afternoon. Having not had anything to eat since the morning, he was hungry, as expected. Maybe there’ll be something left over at <<JIRO>>, he thought. But at this time, it wouldn’t be unusual if there was nobody left in the shop.
However when he opened the door, there was a group of residents that jumped out infront of Souhei’s eyes. Jirou, Shibata and Takehito were in there. Everybody turned around to Souhei, who went in. Glancing over there was about 30 people, it was already full inside of <<JIRO>>.
Surprised, Souhei laughed.
“What happened, everyone. Why are you gathered at a time like this.”
Nobody answered.
“…What’s wrong?”
Living in everyone’s gaze, he felt an unusual atmosphere. Souhei stopped smiling.
“-Souhei, where have you been going lately?”
It was Shibata. Standing up from his chair, he stood before Souhei’s eyes.
“You weren’t in the city yesterday, were you?”
When he heard that deep in his chest became discomposed. His head was trying to work out how he should answer. But he couldn’t answer straight away.
“…I went to the outside world.”
“Why?”
“I thought I would look for some things before the procurement…I wasn’t sure if I could trust the usual place, y’know. So…”
“So you went to the park?”
Souhei gulped at Jirou’s words. He shook his head.
“We already know. I’m not going to talk with you anymore. It’s a shame, really.”
“Wait a minute…” Souhei’s gaze ran around the surroundings. But it seemed like he didn’t have a single ally. Before he knew it a number of people had cut in behind him.
Did they see me meeting at the park? Who? No, I don’t have time to think about that.
“I didn’t want to talk about the city… So… it’s fine. The Invisible City isn’t in danger.” “That’s not true.” Takehito said. He had an incredibly cold voice.
“This is a law. The only good law this city has. If you don’t preserve it, we lose our trust. It’s sacrilege to the city and the residents.”
Jirou clapped his hands once.
“Right, arrest him.”
The man behind Souhei grabbed his shoulders. How are they going to ‘arrest me’? Of course I remembered the law. But what do they do to people that break the law? When Seiji explained about the city he didn’t explain this.
Souhei shook off the hand that was holding his shoulder, and ran out the door to the outside.
Stumbling out to the main road, Souhei didn’t know where he was going to go. He was already trapped by his surroundings.
“Souhei, please be obedient. It’s so we can protect the city. There’s nothing you can do.” Jirou spoke like he was trying to soothe him.
“…What’re you going to do to me? What’ll happen when you catch me? There isn’t any danger to the city.”
“That’s not true, it’s the law. People who break it have to accept their punishment. If we didn’t then invisible people’s existences wouldn’t be protected. Am I wrong?”
He sensed that there was no use explaining it. Souhei aimed running towards the city’s exit – a certain cracked wall. In any case, he had no choice but to run.
However a boy who tried to tackle him jumped out from the side. Surprised, Souhei began to run and jumped over him with a hurdles trick.
He landed, now he saw a young boy in front of him. He brandished a laundry pole like a baseball bat- the instant he immediately bent his body, there was the noise of wind moving fast right above his head.
While his surroundings were in confusion, Souhei ran away straight ahead. Why was this happening? Souhei sighed. Does everyone plan to get rid of the danger or something…
While he was leaping and jumping, the wall gradually came closer. There was nobody crawling at Souhei’s leg strength. The great majority of residents were left far behind.
When I get outside, where will I go? Will I hide in the shrine again? Will I ask to stay with Haruka? When the wall was just five meters away, all of a sudden, he received a shock to his side.
He lost his balance and completely fell over. The next moment, Souhei fell and rolled up into a cloud of dust.
Riina stood in Souhei’s field of vision as he lay face-up. With the sky as a backdrop, she looked down at him, she breathed deeply. Looking closely it seemed like she was hurt, blood dripped to the ground from both her hands.
“Riina…”
It seems his head was hit, Souhei’s consciousness became blurry. But yet while he still worried about her injury, he raised his neck and then finally realized.
The blood contaminating her hands wasn’t hers.
Souhei saw a red stain around his right side. It was a bright red stain, spilling out like tomato sauce. However, for some reason, it slowly spread. When he looked even closer and raised his neck, a sharp pain ran through him.
Breathing violently, in Riina’s right hand there was something shiny. Souhei’s eyes opened wide.
Staggering closer, she spoke.
“…Why did, you betray, the city?”
Her lips were shaking.
-You’re wrong.
I didn’t plan to do that. However the words couldn’t come out. He couldn’t shake his head. Becoming short of breath, his throat couldn’t move at all. Deep in his side, gradually his whole body became hot.
Villagers chased him while he was running. Many figures appeared behind her. They looked down at him. However he didn’t see their faces. He didn’t know a single one of any of their faces. Just like his vision became covered with fog---
Souhei lost consciousness.
He felt the feeling that every human passed by on the other side of his eyelids. But when he opened his eyes, there was only a dirty ceiling there.
He felt the remains of uneasiness. I’ve been rolled up in some huge event- only that sensation remained. Plenty of time passed, when he remembered that, Souhei got up.
“-Aah…!”
However, when that short cry came out, he collapsed onto the hard floor again. Like there was lightning in his head, he felt a pain accompanied by numbness.
Right. I was stabbed. By someone- Riina. When he remembered everything, Souhei sensed a cold shock in his chest that he couldn’t express with words.
For a short while, he waited for the pain that his stomach had to pass. After that, carefully rolling up his clothes, he saw a bandage had been wrapped around him.
“It’s not serious.”
Shifting his gaze, there was a giant behind the iron bars.
“The injury itself isn’t deep. Because the knife Riina had could only do this much.”
Takehito put both his index fingers opposite one another, he made a small space. The width wasn’t even the width of a pinky finger.
“It was a crappy compact knife. Your wounds have been sewn up. Did you know? Jirou was a medical student. At least it didn’t seem to reach your internal organs, so you don’t have to worry.”
As Souhei lay down he looked around the room. He seems to have been sleeping in a small room that wasn’t even three meters big. There were no windows, though there’s a single fluorescent lamp outside the lattice bars. There was a bedpan a little ahead of his feet. He was surprised. No matter how you looked at it this was a jail cell.
“…Where’s Riina?”
“I dunno. More importantly, shouldn’t you be worrying about yourself?”
“What are you going to do to me?”
Takehito shrugged his shoulders.
“Everybody’s worried. Until now there’s never been a resident that’s gone to meet people in the outside several times. This is the underground of the Invisible City. A place where we lock up idiots who fight and cause disturbances in the city. But it’s possible that it might become your new room, Souhei. As you would expect we can’t go as far as a death penalty.”
“…I didn’t mean to betray the city.”
“That’s a different problem. A law is a law. The thoughts of people who break it should be cut away. Don’t you think?”
Takehito sat on a nearby chair, a sound came out like it screamed under the weight.
- I don’t think so.
But Souhei turned his face away in silence. It’s certainly because he kept meeting Haruka in secret. It’s possible that a resident saw it. Because it wasn’t decided that only purveyors can go to the outside world, it’s surely that.
Takehito left after a while.
Thinking about Riina, Souhei felt like his heart had been gouged out. She’s a person that lived here. A resident that threatens this city’s existence is no one other than a threat to her. Meeting a person from the outside world in secret, she probably really detests me.
Souhei leaned his head to the side, and looked at the iron bars. There was no sign anyone was coming. That considered, how long had he been sleeping? He lost consciousness in early afternoon, when he opened his eyes he had been tossed into an underground room with no windows. Around what time is it now.
As ever stirring too much hurt his wound, however like Takehito said it didn’t seem deep. The bandages were white, and he felt that his breathing wasn’t that disarrayed. But it seemed hot. In addition he wasn’t sure if it would be good for his temperature to drop any more.
When he noticed it again, he was surprised that he had fallen asleep again.
The old fluorescent light and iron bars, the cold hard floor, nothing had changed from earlier, sadly Souhei felt a little relieved. There were no other residents.
It’s got to be the middle of the night now- that’s what he felt. Souhei decided to endure the pain and try and get his upper body up. When he lost consciousness, it seems he preserved the same position as his current state, now he moved all his joints and muscles. The amount of energy in his arms and back was necessary for him to stand firm, one way or another he was able to lean up against the wall.
When he was lying down there was a blind spot he couldn’t see, but there was another door beyond the iron lattice, in addition it also had iron bars. In that case it was a dual jail cell. Further down that passageway was darker so he couldn’t see very well, but if there was a basement there, then there inevitably must be stairs that lead to the surface.
Souhei strained his eyes. He saw something moving in the darkness. Because it was almost completely soundless, a sound coming closer was faintly picked up by his ears. However, it wasn’t being made by a human.
When he realized that, Othello’s body appeared before the iron bars. Souhei was taken aback. If someone came here it wouldn’t be a surprising situation, though he thought that, this was an unexpected visitor.
The cat smoothly entered the room and slipped to the iron bars. Souhei stared at him. Then the small animal that returned the gaze suddenly became a huge figure, and stood up.
He feared that he had lost consciousness again. Souhei forgot his pain, and stepped back in a hurry. However, behind him was a wall. He moved his legs until the back of his head hit against the wall.
The shadow was the form of a person. No, it wasn’t even a shadow. It became a single girl.
Souhei knew that face.
“…Maki-chan!”
“Right! It’s Maki!”
The girl smiled beyond the iron bars.
Maki Tamagawa was definitely in front of his eyes. The mysterious girl who he met for the first time at the shrine, and became a classmate in Grade 11 Set 5 before he knew it. After Souhei’s jaw returned to normal from his mouth being wide open, he spoke.
“…What are you doing here? No, that cat right now, even though, Othello was- huh, how come you can see…? Even though, this is the Invisible City, what…”
It was like a muddler was stuck inside his head, and stirred it up. Questions appeared one after another, they couldn’t figure reality out at all.
(*a muddler is a tool used for making cocktails)
Becoming greatly troubled, Souhei looked up at Maki-chan once more.
“Who the heck are you…?”
“Maki’s a God!” putting both hands on the iron bars, she smiled while nodding her head.
Souhei’s thoughts stopped.
“…God?” “Hey, Soohee, is this city fun? It’s fun, isn’t it? Whatever you say, it’s because it was made for you!” Maki-chan said, puffing strongly out of her nose.
“….What?”
“You wished for a place where you belong, right? On the bridge. So Maki made one, a place where you belong, for Soohee.”
“…W, wait a second!”
Souhei commanded her. Putting his hand on his forehead, taking in the words he heard in outline, he made an effort to grasp everything. He remembered hearing the word ‘God’ when he came to this city. Within the city’s adults, there were people that believed there was a God in the city- that story. But this girl is God? That’s not possible. No matter how you look at it she’s just a girl. But now, from the body of a cat…
He fixed his eyes on the grinning girl. After a little while Souhei slowly opened his mouth.
“You… made the Invisible City?”
“Yeah!”
“How…? It’s weird. I… heard this place is from a really long time ago. Actually there were lots of residents when I came here. Don’t joke around…”
“I’m telling you! I went and made it a really long time ago. It was really hard. It was aaall for Soohee.”
“…You made it for me? Just for me?” “Right! I collected everyone, just for Soohee. But if only collected them here then it would all fall apart straight away, y’know? So I made them invisible. People that didn’t belong anywhere, like Soohee.”
Souhei’s voice shook.
“People… The Invisible City’s residents? As a God, you… collected them here just for me alone? That’s what you’re saying?”
“That’s what I’m saying. But everyone’s so happy! Maki’s seen it really often, they talk about how it’s so much nicer than the outside.”
As he desperately crammed what she said into his head, Souhei endured the confusion.
“Why, why were you with me…? In Grade 11 Set 5?” “When I met you at the shrine, you hadn’t decided your wish, right? So I thought I’d stay nearby until you decided your wish. Ah, but I don’t go that ‘school’ place anymore.”
When he was told to go see the state of the class by Haruka, the girl’s body certainly wasn’t there. Strangely he didn’t ever think about it.
“…Did you transfer schools?”
“No. I wasn’t there originally. So nobody remembers Maki!”
Saying that as she grinned, Souhei couldn’t understand the meaning of it.
“You were saying about ‘a really long time ago’ earlier…?”
“Yeah! After all, in order to make living in the city easy, the people who live here should work here and there, don’t you think? So I went back a reeeally long time, turned a bunch of people invisible, and called them here.”
“…For what?”
“For Soohee!”
They were going around in circles.
This is basically what she said- she went back a really long time ago, made the Invisible City, in order to make it easy to live here gathered an amount of residents that you can’t even count from the past to the present, and then the reason she gathered them was for the single person, Souhei Shima’s wish? For the tiny wish of wanting a place to belong?
Maki-chan looked with a fiery gaze. In her eyes, unnaturally, the dark dots were cloudy.
“Maki did a good job. When Soohee entered the Invisible City, I thought “I did it”! Because I knew you’d finally be able to meet your dad! But Soohee never realized how much time had passed, so Maki had to lead you underground”
“Stop…”
“You also made a lot of friends, right? You got to spend time with them like family! Because of that, isn’t it fun? I prepared a lot of books for you. I’m so glad you got a place where you belong!”
“…Please stop.”
“Everyone likes the city, it seems like nobody wants to leave it, right? Though it looks like everyone’s mad now, I’m sure they’d forgive you if you apologized. Because this is Soohee’s city. But if you don’t like it, should Maki make another city?”
“I’m begging you… just…”
-Please, stop.
His body became so hot he felt like steam might start coming out of him. Maki-chan’s body reflected in Souhei’s eyes seemed to melt drowsily. Along with that, her voice rapidly became further away.
“Souhei”
He felt like someone was calling to him.
“Wake up, Souhei.”
He opened his eyes like he was running from a bad dream. He had fallen asleep again. No, could Maki-chan appearing in the first place even be called a dream.
“Souhei, wake up.”
He inclined his head a little to the left from looking at the ceiling, a figure was there. They were standing inside the iron bars. Could it be Maki Tamagawa- his heart jumped with shock, that figure was much bigger than earlier.
Souhei strained his eyes. The big body, disheveled hair, his un-youthful skin, that was the body of his father.
“…Dad?” a frail voice came from his throat.
“Please don’t call me ‘dad’ or anything like that. I’m not qualified for it.” Youichi Shima shook his head.
Like he was being pulled by him, Souhei got up. Souhei bit his bottom lip. Why did I call you ‘dad’, he regretted. By the looks of it he seemed alone.
“Why are you in my jail cell?”
“Because of this.”
There was a keyring in his hands. There were two keys on the ring. Souhei saw that, and raised his face again.
“…What are you doing here? What are those keys?”
“That Seiji guy gave them to me.”
“What?” Souhei doubted his ears.
“He told you were in here. It’s midnight right now. I came here to get you out of this jail cell. Can you stand up? Good, now run away. Also, forget about this city.”
“…Why?”
Being lent a hand, Souhei was able to stand up on both legs somehow. However his injury hurt. Souhei held his side and groaned.
Souhei’s eyes fell on the place he had been sleeping. It must have been a dream when Maki Tamagawa appeared- no, that’s wrong. He denied himself trying to be optimistic without a moment’s delay. I’ve experienced that several times already. It was too painful to be a dream.
Glancing over, Youichi Shima saw Souhei’s right side. With an expression like it was painful to watch.
“…What is it? I feel the same pain as my injured son, that’s what you thought, right?”
He didn’t respond to Souhei’s shoddy sarcasm.
“You still won’t let me apologize.” He said.
“…Of course not. Just bowing to me once or twice isn’t enough for me to forgive you. But it’s fine. You probably expected it.”
“That’s not true.” Youichi Shima shook his head. “There’s something I have to tell you. About this injury.”
Souhei leaned his head to the side after looking down at his stomach.
“What is it?”
“That girl stabbed you, right? I heard from Seiji. I was surprised, she couldn’t have done that. But I don’t want you to blame her.”
“I don’t understand, what do you-“
“She’s your little sister.”
When Youichi Shima said that, only the sound of the fluorescent lamp filled the narrow basement. The inorganic, jeeee sound continued to shake Souhei’s eardrums. He wanted to close them badly, he thought, it’s annoying.
“…Say that once more, please.” Souhei swallowed, and strained his ears.
That man nodded once and spoke.
“Riina Shima is your little sister.”
“Riina, Shima?”
“She threw away her last name. Because I couldn’t raise her well enough. I couldn’t keep both eyes on her…”
“My… little sister? Your daughter?”
He stroked his cheek with his hand. It made a scratchy sound like an old person.
“Her mother is different. She was a woman I met in the Invisible City. But she left somewhere after she gave birth to Riina…”
Maybe because of the pain and fatigue, or maybe because of astounding information continuing soon after another, he couldn’t show a big response anymore. There’s no mistake, he was surprised. However, a cold feeling like ice restrained his confusion.
As he remembered Riina’s face, Souhei slowly arranged things in his head.
“…Basically, you abandoned your son from the outside world and ran away to the Invisible City, and then you had a child with a woman you met here. But you even abandoned that child, having said that in order to not run away anymore, you remained in the same place like this- that’s what you’re saying?”
He saw his father nearby, nodding like he was enduring pain.
“Who was Riina raised by?”
“Some other adults… when she was tiny, we alternated looking after her. It seems like they taught her lots of things. Occasionally, once in a really long time, they’d come and bring food to me… Because of her guardians always hectically being substituted, she became my silent daughter…”
At the end of the dark basement path, the father before his eyes, now silently looked in midair and imagined a scene of spending time together with Riina. Without talking, without meeting eyes, only time moved slowly, that was the setting.
Youichi Shima put strength into the hand placed on Souhei’s back.
“I’m begging you! Don’t hate that girl… This isn’t just a hiding place for her. This is the town she was born in. She only misunderstood that you were trying to take it away…”
The man looked down like he was bowing his head. Souhei felt calm when he saw that.
“Hate Riina? That’s impossible…” He honestly didn’t hate her. Learning that she’s his little sister, he felt like that stab wound now had some love in it.
“Please raise your head.”
Souhei made his voice as kind as he could. If he didn’t exist, Riina wouldn’t have been born. Because of that he can’t hate this man. That’s what he decided to try and believe now.
Youichi Shima stood still, but before long he timidly raised his head.
Souhei waited for that. He already was bracing both legs. So that he could endure the pain afterwards. Then he looked at his father’s face, and with all his body’s power he swung his right fist.
The man was thrust completely to the iron bars. A thick ‘don’ noise rang out. When he saw that, a little bit, just a really little bit, he felt refreshed.
However, as expected, pain awakened from his wound. Cold sweat overflowed from inside his body.
“…Something’s wrong with you.”
Looking at the man’s back as he staggeringly got to his feet, Souhei said.
“I feel like something might be missing from you as a person.”
“I’m sorry…” the frail back answered.
“Where is Seiji?”
“After I left he went up the stairs to the clock tower… Are you thinking of something? You should run away quickly.”
“It’s not your business. Go ahead, run off again somewhere, I don’t care. This will be the last time I meet you.”
Youichi Shima’s voice became disheartened.
“There’s… something I have to do to this city…”
“Huh?”
However there was no more response from the man. He muttered something, but he didn’t care about trying to make it out.
Souhei gave up as soon as possible and left the jail cell, he began to go up the stairs ahead of it. His father, who should have been following behind him, didn’t say anything. His eyes became blurred with tears, he wanted to think it was because of the pain.
The town was asleep. When the fire burns it’s a party that continues until the dead of night, usually the nights in the Invisible City are early. None of the residents stayed up late.
There also wasn’t anyone on the roof. He was sure of that, because of the almost completely open landscape. Though stars had come out in the sky, he didn’t know if they were really genuine stars or not. This city is a fake, in every meaning of the word. It shouldn’t exist at all, by nature. A world made by a strange God, who granted wishes of people similar to himself.
When he finally got to the clock tower, there was nobody there either. When he changed the angle and saw, he noticed some stairs were hanging on one of the outer walls. It seemed to be built so if you went up them, you would go inside. Souhei only saw it from the angle he chose, but he had never come here before.
Souhei walked up stairs again. It was considerably difficult to get here. The more he climbed, the more pain he felt. His clothes were soaking with sweat. It was possible that it could also be blood coming out of the bandage.
Opening the door and going inside, Souhei was surprised.
Despite the clock face not having needles, large mechanisms like cogs inside the clock tower were lined up next to each other. The clock would probably work if they struggled a little, Souhei thought. A few out-of-place lights hung down from the ceiling, the mechanisms in the inner walls reflected them.
“Seiji, are you in here?” Souhei called out.
But there was no reply. There was an atrium in the middle of the interior, Souhei looked down at it. However, it was pitch black. I wonder where that leads to?
The feeling that Seiji had gone made him incredibly happy. However, he couldn’t leave this city without meeting Seiji. Meeting Seiji, talking to him, it would make him feel really hopeful. He felt he would surely regret having to exchange farewells while meeting face to face. Like how he didn’t try to meet face to face with others in the outside world.
When he was immersed in the memories he made with Seiji in just the space of a month, something quickly ran past from his left side.
“-Uu!”
All of a sudden, he felt something heavy in his abdomen, his body bent into the くshape. It was coincidentally his stab wound, he screamed loudly.
“Aah..”
Souhei was pushed back to the handrail enclosing the semi-circle atrium. What moved just now? He returned his gaze, Seiji was standing there. Sweeping his long-ish hair away, he swayed out in one step towards him.
He had a huge iron pole in his hand.
“Seiji, what…?” “Why did you come here?”
While in pain, his words echoed through Souhei’s brain.
“…What do, you mean?”
It was so much pain it made him nauseous. He wasn’t sure if it was hard for Seiji to do.
“Souhei, I’m giving you one last chance. You’re a good friend to me. Go back to your jail cell, and the residents can all sleep in peace. When you escaped from the underground, you tried to leave through to the crack in the wall, right? If that’s the case, why did you come here? I come to this clock tower when I’m thinking. This night I heard footsteps when I came here. I was surprised when I saw you staggering up the stairs.”
“…Seiji, I heard you came here. I wanted to meet you one last time. So I came. That’s it.”
Grabbing his side, he couldn’t wipe away the drool that was hanging by his mouth.
“I’m warning you. I told you, the existence of invisible people can’t be known by the outside world. But you didn’t listen to me. So now you’ve wasted your last chance from me again. Even though I told you to leave the city…”
In his field of vision, overflowing with tears and sweat, Seiji spoke.
“You’re a dangerous person- you won’t even listen to final mercy from your friend. An invisible person like that has no choice to leave to the outside world. Watching you climb up the stairs as you held your wound, that’s how I now think of you.”
“…What? What are you going to do?”
Seiji’s eyes were incredibly, beautifully calm.
“Souhei, I told you the city’s rule- to be honest, I haven’t decided what to do to people who break the rule”
When he said that, he attacked Souhei with the iron bat he held. Swinging down from above, it missed Souhei by the breadth of a hair, he was backed further into the corner of the room.
“There’s no death penalty in this city. Nobody wants to see that. But what if I was the one to do it. Doing this sort of thing to you, my friend…”
Souhei lost his breath. It didn’t look like Seiji was bluffing. Souhei knew that he seriously wanted to kill him.
“…Why do you know my dad?” Souhei asked.
“I saw you talking to that man. You went down the stairs on the outskirts of town, right? It’s a playground for adults over there. I know the trouble they get wrapped up in there isn’t good, so I followed after you. But you weren’t in the big room.”
“…Did you see me go deeper?”
“Yeah. In this case, I heard someone shouting loudly. I was surprised, something like your dad being a resident of the Invisible City. Moreover, that man’s…”
“…You knew?”
Seiji’s thin slit eyes stared sharply as Souhei.
“Riina’s father, right?”
“Right, you… before you told me they died-“
“I meant it was like they died. Besides, it’s fine if she doesn’t know. It’s pitiful for Riina having that man as a father, that’s the residents’ opinions. Well, there are people that honestly didn’t know though. Because at any rate, that man rarely went outside.”
Seiji continued.
“But that’s fine. You being Riina’s older brother wasn’t important to me. But you told me your parents had died and you were raised by your aunt.”
Souhei was quiet.
“That person met his own father here. Moreover, the man you hate so much. It was a shock, right? Getting as angry as you did- It must have been a shock.”
“What are you… trying to tell me?”
“I’m a distrusting person. I was tricked by so many people in the outside world. Didn’t I tell you? Your sense of values haven’t changed so you’re apprehensive.”
Souhei lowered his head in the pain of his injury, his gaze crawled to the floor. There was a door on his left hand side. There were stairs made in the atrium. But he couldn’t use those two escapes. Yet in this much pain, he couldn’t run.
“…Sense of values?”
“The way people think about things changes at the drop of a hat, right? One day you met your father and said you would leave the city, deciding not to go pro but 3 people planning to debut. Also, since even before that, it seemed you went into the outside world a few times by yourself. The next day after you met your father, you wandered through the crack. So I tagged along.”
Souhei gasped. Then he fished in his memories. Where he went that day and who he met. But the pain obstructed him, his head couldn’t work.
“You went to school- I was waiting by the school gate. After that you went to your apartment, right? That’s the home where you and your aunt were living. And then after that. As you would expect, I couldn’t go inside up until then. Because it was dangerous. But you met with that girl on the park bench. You communicated with her using a pen and notebook, right? When I saw that, I was surprised. Something like an invisible person and a normal person meeting in secret…”
That moment, Souhei prepared himself to dash out the door. But the pole Seiji swung got caught under his feet, and he fell over on the spot.
How many waves of pain was he attacked with. He felt now, without a doubt, his wound had opened up again.
Seiji stood in the way of the door, and kicked Souhei’s body with the bottom of his foot. Being spun around with momentum, Souhei lay face up.
“Souhei, ‘people that don’t listen to what others have to say are hot-tempered’. Speaking of that, you had so much rage for your father back then. The father that came to save his son, by no means should you have scolded him.
Souhei felt his chest move up and down hard.
“…I sent him flying, in only one punch.”
When Seiji heard that he laughed out. He was a guy that laughed loudly. It was the first time Souhei saw him laugh like that until now.
Then he stopped laughing, and kicked Souhei’s body once more in silence. Rolling his body once more sideways, Souhei felt a sensation like his internal organs were gently floating up, he immediately put his hands on the ground.
He heard his heart beating so fast it felt like it might jump out of his chest. Before he knew it he was hanging off the atrium. There was no ground by his feet. His dangling body was heavy.
Hooking both elbows on the edge and straining his legs, sharp pain sprung out in all directions from his wound.
“-AAAAAAaaaaah!”
After he heard that, he realized that piercing scream was his own voice.
“This is an atrium on the second floor. If you fall you definitely won’t survive.”
Seiji spoke above his head. However, he couldn’t lift his face. Souhei could only see his two feet.
“Well, tell me. What didn’t you like about this city? Here, we have everything anybody could need in a life time. There are no enemies. There are no dangers. The bunch of people that judged you can’t come in here at all. Even though the residents fight occasionally, the malicious guys that bullied you in the outside world can’t become invisible people. Hey, I honestly don’t know. Why did you act like that, even now I can’t understand why at all.”
Souhei clung desperately.
“I only ran off to the outside world. I shouldn’t have though that there was nowhere I belonged. So this city—“
“What are you talking about?”
“…I didn’t try to meet eye to eye with people. Being like that with everybody that hated themselves, I was only making myself unhappy. I tried to think I couldn’t do anything about it…”
That’s right. Hijiri, my classmates, my aunt, nobody tried to see me. That’s what it felt like. But similarly I wasn’t meeting eye to eye with them. Then I became an invisible person, in the end I was scared of something I really couldn’t see, it was them understanding that isolation. But it was all too late.
“You didn’t find happiness in becoming an invisible person…? I understand.”
Seiji spun his final words with a noticeably gentle voice.
“-See you, Souhei. Though it was only a short time, I had fun.”
It’s already useless. His field of vision was blurrier than earlier. Seiji’s two feet became four feet. He wasn’t sure if it was a hallucination from the pain. This is the last thing I see before I die.
Suddenly, there was a hard ‘gon’ sound.
After that, Seiji’s face appeared before his eyes, Souhei was shocked. As his thin eyes were open, he didn’t move. Together with a ‘gotori’ noise afterwards, fragments of brick fell from above.
His arms were grabbed before he had time to think about what happened, Souhei was smoothly pulled up to the ground. It was Riina.
Face up, Souhei looked up at her. She was sweating about as much as Souhei.
“Why are… you here….?”
She spoke without hesitation.
“Dad, was, here. I came, in a hurry.”
Dad. That naturally means Youichi Shima.
“Outside, quick.” She looked down. “Hurry.”
“…Why?”
He couldn’t stand any more. He felt like he had used up all his stamina.
However, Riina spoke.
“This city’s, already, over.”
“…What?”
Outside was in a horrible condition. Under the sky, just before daybreak, smoke was coming up from everywhere in the city. There were places shining with the swaying color orange too.
It was a huge fire. Souhei and Riina saw it from the rooftop.
“…What, is this?”
He couldn’t believe the scene before his eyes. Riina, carrying the fainted Seiji on her back, spoke next to him.
“There’s nothing, we can do. When you, went back to the outside, the city already began, to end.”
“…Did that person tell you that?”
He saw her nod, Souhei moved dizzily.
“Is this ok? This is your city, Riina. Aren’t you mad at me? I destroyed the city where you were born!”
However, Riina put her hand on Souhei’s side.
“I’m sorry.”
“This is…” as he said that, every time he walked the wound hurt. “Don’t worry. Besides… uh…”
Riina nodded again.
“I found, out, earlier.”
“Right…”
When he was with Seiji, it seemed Youichi Shima talked to Riina. He couldn’t meet eyes with her. I don’t want to do something so awkward, he thought.
“…I’m what began to break your city. Don’t you hate me?”
“You’re my, onii-chan”
He reflexively turned around. She was looking straight ahead. Souhei didn’t know how he should answer.
“So, it’s ok.” She said.
Suddenly below them became noisy. Looking down, Youichi Shima was running around on the path far below carrying a torch. “It’s a fire, it’s a fire!” he shouted.
His figure was incredibly uncool, all the residents saw that. However, right now that person was working for his son. When he thought that, Souhei was perplexed, he couldn’t laugh it off.
Suddenly the ground shook loosely. The building’s collapsing- the moment he thought that,
“Maybe, it closed.” Riina said.
“Huh?”
“The space closed.”
That moment, Souhei saw, behind Riina, a huge wall far in the distance approach before him with unbelievable force. Without thinking, he closed his eyes.
When he opened his eyelids, the scenery before his eyes and his memory didn’t match up. No matter how you looked at it, this was an old bookstore. Set up in a one-story residential building, a shop not unordinary in any way. It was a shop he saw many times when coming home from procurements. The clock inside the shop read 4:10.
Souhei moved his eyes to his left. There was another residential building next to him.
But for some reason the passage between the two buildings wasn’t there. They were tightly stuck together, not even an ant could pass through. He understood that by looking at it.
“Aaah! It’s back! My shadow! The city!”
He turned around in surprise at the voice, Takehito was standing there. He was holding his head and shouting.
It wasn’t just him. Lots of people were scattered around. There were a few faces he knew in there. They looked at the residential buildings similarly to Takehito, and then changed they gaze to their feet.
Souhei also looked at his feet. Because the sky had turned white he grasped the situation. There, his own shadow was- even though it was faint- definitely there.
The resident’s grief, just like the cries of the dead, filled the surroundings.
Within the screams filled with sadness, Souhei looked at Riina next to him, and looked at her feet. She had a shadow. It was a conspicuously big shadow, part of it was Seiji, who she carried on her back.
“…Where’s the city?” Souhei asked.
“It’s, gone.” Riina shook her head.
He remembered something Seiji told him one day. He said he wasn’t sure if the space would close up because of a big impact, it was an old legend in the city. That just happened.
The city was gone. Understanding that in his head, Souhei felt like a hole just opened in his heart. The former residents around him must feel the same thing. For the residents that spent a lot of time there, that sadness should be bigger.
“Are you ok?”
Youichi Shima pushed his way through residents and appeared. Souhei held his shoulder.
“Why did you…”
However stubbornly, he said without changing his expression.
“To save you.”
“Well, why did the city collapse?”
“ I realised something really bad was going to happen to you if you stayed in the city like it was.”
“…But what about you? And Riina? You lost the place where you belong.”
Though Souhei’s words were frantic, his father laughed in a hoarse voice. Then he shook his head. It was the first time he saw him smile. No, apart from in the photograph at home.
“As for that, I’m moving.” He said.
“…Moving?”
That’s not suitable in this state of affairs, the word dumbfounded him.
“I’m moving. Didn’t you know? When you move the place where you belong changes. But, it’s weird to say. I don’t have any kind of place where I belong. The place where I am is the place where I belong.”
Youichi Shima accepted Seiji from Riina and put him on his large back.
“I’m taking this man with me. Revenge? Don’t worry about it, I definitely won’t do that. Look around.”
The Invisible City’s residents around him gradually began to leave from here. Already, half of the people from earlier left. Takehito’s body wasn’t here anymore.
“Invisible people are weak., They’re people that think unless they simply disappear then they can’t live in this world. Losing the city, those guys that stopped being invisible are already in a pretty big rush. They’re at a loss for where they can go. Even though you’re here, who was actually imprisoned, it doesn’t look like anyone’s taking any notice. In the end, they can only think about themselves- well, that’s just what I think…”
He expressed a laugh with no energy. It seemed to restore his youth just a little- no, his face looked appropriate for his age.
“Weren’t there more residents?” Souhei asked. He remembered there should be more of the Invisible City’s residents. At least, there shouldn’t be this amount people placed on this road.
After Youichi Shima seemed to ponder in silence for a short while, he said while looking around.
“Even though the cities residents were living in completely different places, not Hachiougi City, I noticed for some reason or other that there were loads of people in the Invisible City. So maybe they flew off to their original places. In the end the city ended without them ever knowing how something like this could happen. I guess you can only say this is just how God is.”
Maki Tamagawa’s face flit through Souhei’s mind. That God said she went back a long time ago. If she did then geographical problems might be solved easily. But there was no way to make sure that was true.
Youichi Shima adjusted Seiji on his back.
“Souhei, I’m really sorry… Don’t forgive my apology, only a man like me isn’t enough to apologize. Forget about the city… and forget about me too, live on.”
“…Where are you going?” Souhei inquired in surprise.
“Don’t know. I can’t return to where I came from right now. I don’t plan to either. Looks like for now I’ll just walk in that direction. Because I’m not invisible anymore, I don’t have to worry about being hit by cars.”
Where his father pointed was over an intersection, far over the bridge, it seemed far away. And then he turned round to Riina too.
“Riina, I’ll search for a new place from now on. We can’t just hide in narrow spaces anymore because we’re not invisible people. So you choose- choose whatever you want.”
Youichi Shima left while carrying Seiji on his back. He didn’t turn around again.
Pedestrian traffic gradually increased, Souhei and Riina changed their location to the bridge. The river bounced in the morning sun, it shone like a huge fish’s scales.
Souhei looked at Riina, who was watching it next to him.
“What do you want to do?”
But there was no reply. She could still be thinking about the sudden stuff that happened earlier. Souhei was frank about his thoughts after watching his father leave.
“…Hey, Do you want to live together with me- with me and my aunt- with us?”
Riina finally looked towards him.
“It'll probably be difficult to convince my aunt, but it’s not impossible. I always can. So we can live together.”
She returned her gaze in front of her again. Towards the upper stream of the river, you could see faint mountains.
“We can live together.”
Souhei said it once more. It would definitely be fun living with her. It will surely be a bigger deal than he can imagine, but he felt like it wasn’t anything he couldn’t handle.
However she finally shook her head.
“I can’t.”
“…Why?”
“I’m following, Dad.”
“You’re saying you choose… that person. You can do what you want.”
Riina shook her head again, she smiled.
“Because, that’s where I belong, after this.”
Frantically trying to convince her, Souhei gave up when he saw that smile. Her mind was already made. No matter how much he tried to persuade her it was useless.
Souhei scratched his hair. Saying this will absolutely get on his nerves more, but he had no choice but to say it.
“Good luck... with that person.”
“Ok.” Riina said, she put her hand on Souhei’s side.
“I’m sorry.”
Souhei shook his head.
“It’s fine. It’s not serious.”
Riina began to run off towards where her father left.
“…I’m off.”
“…I know.”
But watching her from behind, Souhei called out again.
“Riina! When I learnt you were my little sister, I thought… it was kind of bad luck.”
She stood still for a little while, but before long he saw her profile.
“Me, too.”
Souhei felt like his heart had been torn out. Why does the family that I finally met have to leave. Saying that, on the other hand, he understood. The world that they lived in originally is different. She found one, a place where she belonged that they decided mutually and doesn’t cross over.
“…Take care!”
Riina didn’t turn around again.
She rapidly became smaller.
Then like she melted into the morning landscape, she was nowhere to be seen.
How long was he like that. Souhei suddenly heard a voice from behind him.
“-Souhei?”
He turned around, a uniformed Haruka was there. Her eyes were wide and she looked at Souhei. Then she saw Souhei’s eyes, shoulders, chest, and feet, and then her gaze returned back to his face.
Haruka smiled in front of him.
“Welcome back.”
So Souhei answered.
“I’m home.”
Souhei had no idea what kind of face he made. Feeling both sadness and joy, what were really his true feelings.
However, there was no need for him to make sure.
Because the girl in front of me right now, she can see me.
-End-
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Lets go with Natsume Yuujinchou for the fandom ask, please!
Yesss
Favorite Male Character: Natsume Takashi
He’s precious and beautiful and deserves all the love. He had such a sad childhood, and I’m so glad he has so many people now that adore him
Favorite Female Character: Natsume Reiko
Aka my GODDESS. Every flashback we see with her in it makes me so sad for her. I wonder if Natsume would have become like her if he’d never met the Fujiwaras? We still don’t know anything about how she died, and a part of me is hoping that maybe, just maybe, we’ll get a plot twist and find out that she became a youkai or something, and Natsume will finally be able to meet her.
Least Favorite Character: Matoba Seiji
I mean yeah, he makes things hella more interesting every time he shows up but like? He’s kinda an asshole??? I would definitely be super interested to learn more about him though. It seems like he does have potential to become something of an ally though, if he just kinda improves his character XD I mean, he hasn’t technically done anything evil...yet.
Favorite Ship: Shigeru and Touko
they have this sweet, quiet, calm kind of love. And I adore them, honestly. Their little aquarium date in s5 was adorable. And they’re the best foster parents ever and they love Natsume so much!!
Favorite Friendship: Natsume and Nyanko-sensei
Nyanko-sensei is literally the only person Natsume can be completely honest and unguarded with, and their friendship is just the sweetest thing on Earth. I love that Nyanko-sensei always pretends to not care about Natsume at all, but as soon as someone threatens him, he gets super super protective XD
Favorite Quote: “We know the flowers’ petals will fall someday, and yet still, we’re entranced by them.”
No you don’t understand, I cried actual tears when I heard that line. WHY would you end the season on that note!?!?!?!? I love this quote because it just shows how much the Middle Class youkai adore Natsume and it hurts me to think how they’ll feel when he does die.
To youkai, a human’s lifespan is over in the blink of an eye, and there’s something just something so tragic about Natsume worming his way into the hearts of all these youkai, saving them time and time again, only to destroy them in the most painful way possible as they watch him slowly age and wither away and disappear one day. How is Nyanko-sensei going to deal???
Worst Character Death (if any): Natsume Reiko.
There aren’t very many character deaths in this series, but this one in particular hurts me so much. We start off the series knowing she’s dead, and we don’t particularly care much because we don’t know her. But we learn about her, little by little, and she’s selfish and capricious and lonely. And I hope desperately that she was able to find something to make her happy before she died.
We’re told she died young, but how young? Did she ever get to hold her daughter? Did she ever get to know the pure, uncomplicated, irrevocable love of a child? Did she get to tell bedtime stories and give goodnight kisses and dream about seeing her daughter grow up into a beautiful, strong, confident young woman? Because God, I hope so.
This made me so happy you have no idea Moment:
BEST!!! FOSTER!!!! PARENTS!!!!! EVER!!!! Look how happy he is!! So precious!! They love him so much!!! And living with them, it’s the first time he’s ever had somewhere to belong so completely, since his father died when he was a young child. He finally gets to act his age, and he has a place that he’s happy to call home, he has people he loves to come home to.
Saddest Moment: When Natsume temporarily loses his “sight” and can’t see Nyanko-sensei, despite him being right there in the room with him.
This series has no shortage of sad moments, but this one completely broke my heart. It’s just heartbreaking and horribly lonely for the both of them. For Natsume, who finally found a friend who he didn’t have to hide anything from, who understood him and didn’t try to change him, and after all these months of having him as a constant companion...he is suddenly alone again. And it’s heartbreaking for Nyanko-sensei, who found this little boy he’s come to care for fiercely and become so protective of, and suddenly his precious boy can’t see him anymore, despite being so close they’re practically touching.
Favorite Location: Just...Natsume’s entire town. It’s so beautiful???
#blindiemac asks#ny ask#ny#natsume yuujinchou#natsume takashi#natsume reiko#fujiwara touko#fujiwara reiko#nyanko sensei#madara#ask game#spy reports
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Romance: Goto and Miho on Ice!
FIRST: Note the newbies in the banner? MJS is welcoming new staff! H and Rose, @smile-smile-ichthys and @smutmylifeup respectively!
Yawning against Goto’s bare chest, Miho was reflected on her good fortune… their activities prior to the bone deep tiredness that made her body feel so heavy was also a good reminder. Idly she scrawled little patterns against his skin with her fingertip, and after a few moments Goto turned his face into her hair and kissed her tenderly.
“What’re you thinking?” he asked.
“You want the clean or the dirty answer?” she replied cheekily, craning her neck to look at ar his face, and Goto chuckled quietly.
“I’m learning getting a clean answer out of you is a rare thing,” he noted teasingly, shifting her off his shoulder to the pillow, and turned onto his side so he could look down into her face properly. “But you fidget when you’re deep in thought,” he noted. “So you’re deliberating something.”
“Look at you being all observant,” she grinned. “Anyone would think you’re a detective or something.”
“You’re a tough case to crack,” he admitted, brushing her cheek and sliding his fingers into her hair. “If I don’t have my wits about me, you might disappear.”
Miho’s smile tempered a little.
“You’re not actually worried about that are you?” she enquired.
“Maybe just a little,” he admitted honestly, his brows twitching. “As determined as I was, a part of me can’t quite believe you’re here.”
“Do I need to remind you… again?” she asked softly, sliding her leg in between his, bending it all the way up until she could press no further.
“I won’t say no,” he smiled wryly, “but, you know you haven’t answered my question.”
“Mmm, can’t get anything past you, Lieutenant,” she snickered. “I was thinking how lucky I am. Lucky that you’re persistent, lucky that this persistent man is everything a woman could want in a partner.”
Even in the dimness of Goto’s bedroom, Miho could see him blushing – but she didn’t call him cute this time, though she was certainly thinking it.
“That all?” he prompted, watching her closely as she inhaled a deep breath then released it.
“Mmm, Jazz went back home to Europe for a ‘vacation’, but I don’t know,” she explained. “She’s been doing everything she can to thwart my efforts to get her to accept the affections of a client, so I have to wonder if maybe she’s planning a more permanent change of scenery.”
“You really think she’d move to the other side of the world for that reason?” he asked.
Of course he didn’t know the ins and outs of Jazz’s very broken marriage, but even to Miho who did, though it truly extreme if Jazz did plan to stay out of Japan.
“Well, I know she was hurt, a lot,” she thought aloud, eyes fluttering closed as Goto gently rolled her earlobe between his fingers, caressing it softly. “And despite protests she might make to the contrary, she is easily more stubborn than me.”
“That’s pretty stubborn,” Goto mused, and Miho opened her eyes and glared at him. “You can glare all you like, you know it’s true.”
With a huff she rolled her face into his hand and nipped at it.
For her troubles, she ended up trapped beneath him, not that she put up that might of a fight.
“So what are you going to do?” he breathed into her face.
“Right now?” she hissed, wrapping her legs around him. “I’m thinking about how I’m still hungry for you.”
“About Miss Mann,” he chuckled, though he did move slightly, purposefully, teasingly.
“Mmm, I’m going to… save her from herself,” she said after a little squirming failed to provoke Goto into moving any further. “I did promise her I’d find him a nice wife, after all, and I wouldn’t be doing my job for MJS if I didn’t set him up with the best possible candidate, nor as a friend if I let her believe all men can’t be trusted.”
“It sounds to me like you two have a fair amount in common,” he noted, rubbing against her ever so slightly, and how maddening Miho found this was blatantly apparent in her frustrated expression.
“She is pretty hot,” Miho agreed with smug nod. “This one time…”
She began that sentence, but cut it off suddenly when Goto raised an eyebrow.
“This one time?” he encouraged, giving her a calculated nudge.
“You sure you want to know what we got up to with edible glitter after a few drinks?” she smirked, wriggling beneath him again. “Damnit Seiji, you’re being mean.”
“That’s hurtful,” he frowned, and she was surprised at how serious his tone was, when his eyes were laughing – she didn’t think that was very like him.
“I’ll kiss it better then,” she declared, lifting her head from the pillow, but he inched his face away. “Oh, like that is it?”
“Edible glitter?” he prompted.
“And people think I’m evil,” she muttered, narrowing her eyes at him. “We were single, horny, getting ourselves suitably drunk, and had access to all sorts of interesting implements,” she revealed. “One thing led to another and another and another – she makes the most incredible noises and…”
She’d had every intention of getting into the nitty gritty details, but it seemed Goto had had enough, shutting her up finally with his lips. And finally he pressed forward, slowly, inching inside her, no barrier between them at all now.
“Wait, wait,” Miho gasped, holding him tightly against him, and he looked into her face concerned.
“Are you all right?” he scowled, completely falling still. “Or, should I not… oh I didn’t even…”
“No, no it’s fine,” she smiled, sliding her fingers up his back, neck, and into his hair. “I just want to take a moment to…”
Miho closed her eyes and contracted the internal muscles that held him deep within, and the result was Goto growling low groan against her throat.
“Don’t tell me to stop and then do that,” he growled, nipping at her neck and then smoothing his tongue over the marks he’d made. “This… Miho, I want this forever, this close to you.”
At this, Miho blinked, relaxed her body and made eye contact.
“How can you just, say things like that?” she wondered.
“You don’t feel the same?” he responded, his brow creasing a little, and it only intensified when Miho squeezed once more around his cock.
“I feel the same,” she smiled. “It’s just hearing you say something like that is… so romantic, and I love you.”
“No more holding back,” Goto announced, and no more was spoken but for lascivious moans and the desperate whisper of each other’s name.
Goto woke up in his apartment, certainly as he expected to do. This morning was different to most, however. Miho was not beside him where he had left when they’d finally drifted to sleep, and there was a delicious scent permeating the air.
After pulling on a pair of boxers and raking his hair into some semblance of presentable, he wandered from the bedroom to find Miho pottering about the kitchen.
“Morning,” she smiled as she turned, blowing on a mug of coffee until there was barely any steam rising from it, before holding it out to him.
“This has to be a dream,” he murmured, taking the mug, and a peck from Miho on the cheek.
For her to remember and act upon his inability to cope with hot food and drink was just one more sign she was right for him.
“Yeah well, don’t get too used to it,” she chuckled. “I’m not exactly the world’s best house wife, but, your days off are pretty rare, so I thought I’d let you sleep in a little at least.”
“I thought we could go out,” he said after sitting down, watching as Miho covered the table with various breakfast foods, Japanese and international.
“Are you asking me on a date Mr. Goto?” she smirked over her shoulder as she flipped an omelette onto a plate and added it to the collection.
“Only if you want to,” he replied – still a little unsure of how best to handle her perhaps.
“What shall it be then? Amusement park? Shrine? Oh, aquarium?”
“Am I really that unoriginal?” he frowned mildly, and Miho laughed.
“I’m sorry. You have ideas?” she grinned, sitting down with him at the table.
“Well I remember you said something about ice skating,” he began cautiously, watching carefully for her reaction. “It’s not really the season to do it outdoors, but there is an indoor rink not too far from here.”
“Ice skating?” Miho repeated, appearing to be turning this over in her mind. “Were we born to make history?”
At this Goto looked a little confused.
“Oh oh, I foresee a Yuri on Ice marathon in your near future,” she grinned maniacally, and Goto’s confusion turned toward concern. “Oh don’t look so worried, you’ll love it. It’s adorable, like you.”
“Damnit Miho,” he grumbled, blushing as he always did when she called him something cute – which is entirely while she did it.
“Okay, I’m a little bit sorry,” she giggled. “Ice skating sounds fun.”
It sounded fun.
And really, Goto did it because he thought it would make Miho happy, and it did – though her hysterical laughter at his complete inability to ice skate was not exactly what he had in mind.
Miho skated graceful circles around him for a little while, until even trying to help him ended up with them both sliding across the ice.
With wet bums, they decided to take a breather, and sat down in the rink’s café for a drink.
“Why did you suggest skating if you’re not so hot at it?” she asked him, her tone fond, and Goto went back to looking embarrassed over grumpy.
“Like I said, you mentioned it,” he grumbled over the top of his iced coffee. “And all the suggestions from my colleagues were…”
“Amusement park, shrine, aquarium?” Miho filled in, and Goto nodded.
“Wandering aimlessly around a mall, and the city, were also on the list,” he went on. “But that doesn’t sound any different to what people do every other day. I didn’t expect you to be so good at this though; you’ve been skating before?”
“Roller hockey back home, if you’d believe it,” she explained. “Almost the same as ice skating. Less wet though.”
“And less painful I imagine,” he muttered, shifting in his seat.
“Do you need me to kiss it better?” Miho grinned cheekily.
“Let’s save that until a little later,” he replied, then looked thoughtful. “Actually, I was thinking about last night.”
“What did you think I was just talking about?” she snickered, but toned it down when he took her hand. “Uhh, which part about last night?”
“Well, ahh,” he began, and only now seemed a bit uncomfortable about the subject he’d been the one to broach. “You know we, used protect the first, and second time, but then…”
It dawned on Miho.
“That, huh. Yeah we got a bit caught up hmm?” she acknowledged.
She knew he wasn’t worried about some STD; MJS screenings were good for that – pregnancy on the other hand was an unknown for him at least. Her profile on him told her everything she needed to know about his desires for the future, and that he’d ‘like children sometime in the not too distant future’ rang clearly in her recollection.
“Kids are a deal-breaker in many pairings,” she declared slowly, quietly, meeting his attentive gaze, “which… is why I guess I’ve been avoiding it, even though I know it’s pointless.”
“You don’t want any,” he surmised, and Miho nodded slowly.
“Never have,” she admitted on a sigh. “Daisetsu was the same, so it was never a necessary discussion, but you… you do.”
Silence fell between them, and even the noise from the rink couldn’t penetrate the bubble. The longer it stretched, the louder Miho’s internal screaming became.
Idiot.
“You think I want out because you don’t want children?” he asked finally.
“I think I know men who’ve regretted not following their instincts, and women who’ve been left by husbands who decided it wasn’t too late to try somewhere else,” she answered, no bitterness in her tone at all, no judgement, just a bit of fear. “And I don’t want either, not for you or me. It’s not that I don’t love you enough, it’s just not something I’ll ever be changing my mind about. You’re a bit younger than me, could still happily have an atomic family, so, you should take some time to think about it, seriously.”
“I don’t want to think about not being with you,” he frowned, voice low.
“No, me either,” Miho nodded soberly. “But I also don’t want to make you unhappy by not being willing to give you all of what your heart truly wants.”
Goto sighed and gave her hand a squeeze before letting it go and getting to his feet.
“Let’s go get some lunch,” he suggested, though Miho didn’t feel all that hungry.
“You sure your body’s up for that?” she smirked, trying to lighten the mood. “I’m betting you have all sorts of bruises.”
“You’re the old one, remember?” he responded, taking her under the elbow like she needed help to walk.
“You are sooo lucky I’m not sensitive about my age,” she muttered, but allowed his touch to linger as they headed toward the exit.
But Goto suddenly paused, his expression becoming extremely focused and alert.
“What’s up?” Miho questioned, studying his face as Goto pulled her closer and encouraged them to move out onto the street more quickly.
“Just a feeling,” he told her seriously.
“Feeling like what?” she scowled. “That we’re about to be attacked by ninjas?”
“Something like th…” he began, but as they stepped out of the building, wind blew rain sideways against them and they were forced back up against the wall.
“Weather controlling ninjas?” Miho offered, her body shielded for the most part by Goto’s.
“Okay, I’ll grab us a taxi,” he decided, still not seeming all that happy, and Miho could see it wasn’t the rain’s fault. “Do not move from here,” he instructed firmly, turning to look at her so she could see he meant it.
“Yes Sir,” she nodded, stopping short of a salute given how grave he sounded.
While he moved to the curb and looked up and down for an unoccupied cab, Miho searched the street, and glanced back into the ice-skating rink for what might have spooked Goto – but there was no one in particular that stood out as being suspicious or threatening.
“Miho,” Goto prompted, the back door of a taxi already open and waiting for her, and she scuttled to it and all but dived in.
When both were seated, the taxi pulled out into traffic in the direction of its passengers’ destination – and whether Miho saw something or not, the vehicle was observed until it disappeared around its first corner.
@hifftn @nitelotus
#voltage inc#voltage fanfic#seiji goto#miho Fujiwara#mjs#MJS Marriage matchmaking and wedding planning agency#hlitf#her love in the force
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Eliza (Nintendo Switch)
Developed/Published by: Zachtronics Released: 12/08/2019 Completion: Beat it, once. Trophies / Achievements: n/a Right no more flash rounds for a wee while as quick rewarding as those were. And lucky you, because I felt spicy and decided that rather than write-up Eliza as usual I’d use my hot industry connections and interview Eliza’s creator Matthew Seiji Burns. If this was a print issue of exp. I’d have done it in the form of a text conversation like what is in Eliza except it isn’t... and ironically we did it in the form of a text conversation. Note: there are significant spoilers pretty much straight away. So stop reading unless you’ve played it, which you should. I thought I might as well start with the thing I found most striking about Eliza, which is that as soon as I started doing the sessions I assumed I’d be able to choose different responses fairly quickly--even if it led to failure states--and you hold that back until the very end. Did you anticipate that expectation?
Matthew Seiji Burns: Yes, absolutely. It's why I have all the "don't deviate from the script!" stuff at the beginning. I knew that people familiar with games would see that language and immediately assume they'd be able to do just that. I suppose it gets to the heart of interactivity when you're telling a story; you *do* let the player choose what Evelyn says at less critical moments. How did you approach the player's relationship with Evelyn then; did you want them to play her, or maybe engage with her in a more, uh, literary sense? Evelyn’s choices, even when I do let players make them, don’t end up changing much (until the end). Partly that’s something I wanted to say about the position she’s in— she’s not there to affect the world for most of the game. She’s in a mode where she’s mostly listening to people try to explain themselves. Some players interpret this as Evelyn being powerless, and that I’m making a statement that we’re all powerless. But what Evelyn does do is listen to many people from many walks of life, and I think listening is actually quite powerful. I see Evelyn as a specific character, so there’s usually a very specific range the responses have in order to stay true to who she is. I give players a little bit of space to push back sometimes, but not a lot. Some players told me they tried every option they could to get her to be more disagreeable. Even then, they couldn’t do much. There’s some tension there, that you wouldn’t get if it were simply an entirely linear story like a novel. That's really interesting to me, considering in the conclusion I kind of read her decision to start speaking up in sessions kind of symbolic that listening isn't... actually maybe it's sort of that Eliza "hears" but doesn't "listen." I was sort of struck by the way Evelyn's ultimate interventions are only a few steps from Eliza, and I felt a bit ambivalent about them even though I felt intervention was necessary. In fact, I felt that the end of the game was interesting on that because Evelyn listened to all of these characters and I felt "pushed" towards siding with one of them, but I felt like none of them actually *saw* Evelyn, instead just what she represented to them, so I chose nobody. I don't know if that was intentional, and I was wondering if you had received feedback, or had metrics on what direction players tried to push Evelyn. Right. I should qualify what I said earlier, about how listening is powerful, that you have to follow up and act as well. You shouldn’t act without listening first and you shouldn’t only listen but never do anything. It takes both. The game focuses on the listening part, and then the decision at the end is about the action. As for the endings, often times in games with multiple endings they’re ranked by how good they are. There’s the “bad” ending, the “good” ending, the “true” ending, and so on. The endings in Eliza are pretty ambivalent, in a way that I thought was more true to life. Of course, some feel better than others. Without describing them too much, the endings associated with Nora and Rae are more popular, and the ones associated with Soren and Rainer are (perhaps predictably) far less. The “nobody” ending is in the middle. I think some people pick up on the sense you got, that Evelyn’s future might be better without any of this. Players sometimes want to stick to “their” ending, but I actually like it when they go back and play them all. I think of these endings as existing side-by-side. If you forced me to pick one as the “canonical” ending, though, it would be the nobody one. Oh. That's really interesting. I'm not sure how willing you are to speak to this, but how personal is the character of Evelyn? I’ve read you talk about your own burnout, but I felt like there was more reflection of you in her than just her context she comes into the game with. I could be totally off-base but I felt there was a lot of care taken in constructing Evelyn. So, many of the characters, not just Evelyn, come from me in some way, partly because I was deliberately making something personal, and partly because that’s hard to avoid when you write. Soren’s pain, Rainer’s arrogance, Rae’s rationalization for what she does, all have origins in the things I’ve experienced and ways I’ve felt. Evelyn does have a lot in common with me, though. So while I wouldn’t want people to think she’s some kind of stand-in for me— she isn’t— it was also perhaps inevitable that our perspectives would be close. Cool. One last question: I really loved the location art; it’s something the player spends a lot of time looking at and you’ve filled it with a lot of detail that rewards that (My favourite is Komorebi, it's extremely evocative.) Can you talk about the process of designing the locations and your collaborators? Since the game is set in Seattle and also made here, I really wanted to ground it and make it feel true to life. Some of the paintings, like the city skyline and the light rail, are closely based on reference. Komorebi is fictional, but recognizably inspired by coffee shops in the area (Victrola Coffee Roasters in Capitol Hill is one example). The artists were Jonathan Stroh and Kyle Steed; they’ve worked on all the recent Zachtronics games and they’re both amazing. Jonathan did some background concept work for Hiroyuki Imaishi’s Promare, to give you an idea of how accomplished he is. They’re also lifelong residents of the area, and I think that helped everything feel real. To design the backgrounds I started by writing out a description of the type of place it was, its real-world reference or inspiration (almost every location has one), and examples of smaller details that might be present, and we went from there. There was kind of a set design element to it, where the locations are speaking to the characters and situation as much as the actual dialogue is. The personal spaces, in particular, say a lot about who these people are, and how they see themselves. Thanks Matthew! Will I ever play it again? I’m satisfied with the ending I got! Final Thought: A particular highlight of Eliza is Matthew’s score, which you can download here.
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