#or maybe I'm just blaming tumblr for a me problem idk

[fudge24-7]

Wondering if tumblr is really good for me

[cheegu3]

Heloo may I request a enhypen reaction when y/n killed themselves and left a note saying "this is all your fault"

Sorry if this makes you uncomfy

oh not at all, I was only on the fence about writing this bc idk if talking about this topic is allowed on tumblr, but I hope u didn’t feel a lot of anxiety when sending in this ask 😭 it is a little short so sorry abt that :c some of the notes are a bit different too to switch it up!

tw / trigger warning: yandere, dark themes, depression, suicide, self-harm, sad asf, cursing, violence, blood, suicide-note, vomiting, gun

pls do not read if this triggers or offends you or if you're struggling !!

Yandere!Enhypen - reaction to you unaliving yourself

Jungwon

He didn't know how to react when he found you dead. No tears fell down his face as he looked for a pulse, clutching your cold hand in his.

When he spotted a note lying a few meters away, a heavy sigh left his lips and he gave you a pained look.

' This is all because of you. If only you'd treated me like a normal boyfriend would, maybe we could've been soulmates. I hope you feel pain for the rest of your life. '

The more Jungwon stared at the note, blaming him for all of your pain and problems; the more he felt like he had to fight to hold back the tears that were itching to fall.

At the same time, he found a strange anger bubbling inside of him. Not only did you - the love of his life, leave him in this way but you had to wish him pain in your last breath too?

He became blinded by anger. The hand that was holding the note clenched and the paper crumbled under it.

He will try to stay alive just to spite you. Trying his best to move on and get happy, maybe fall in love again and find a family just so he could get his revenge; as you watched from above and realized you meant nothing to him.

But Jungwon never got over you, not really.

Heeseung

He got angry immediately, cussing you out and almost getting the urge to hit you. Instead, he took his anger out on a mirror and felt some sense of relief when he started to bleed.

He blamed himself of course. He had been wrong about how you were feeling, even though he often prided himself on having been able to read you like an open book.

He didn't notice your spark slowly dying out; the more he got angry the more he got jealous, and then the more you were punished for the smallest things.

It got to a point where you couldn't even live in the moment and enjoy the short times when he was a sweet boyfriend again, because you were always scared of what would tick him off a few seconds later.

' I'm sorry, Hee. I was so tired of fighting. I love you,

y/n. '

His vision blurred as tears filled his eyes. He could only manage to hold them back for a few seconds before he doubled over and sobbed loudly.

The room filled with loud wails of pain that would even make angels cry. Anyone that heard it would know just how much he loved you.

Heeseung clutched his chest right where his aching heart felt like it was being ripped out of him. '' I'm sorry, I'm so sorry baby, '' he kept whispering until he was tired of crying for hours and it turned into shaky murmurs.

He fell asleep, hoping it would be eternal, with your body in his arms; dried tears on his cheeks being replaced by new ones, as even in his sleep he couldn't escape seeing his lover.

Jay

It was the worst phone call he had ever received. He didn't know how to react after it ended, only staring blankly into the distance as his thoughts went crazy.

He needed to see you with his own eyes to believe it so he rushed home. His stomach sank when he spotted the ambulance. Quickly he pushed through the people to get to you.

But when he reached you and saw your lifeless body on the stretcher, he didn't know what to do yet again. A stupid voice inside him told him he should keep his cool in front of all the spectators, even while the love of his life lay dead in front of him.

Did he want to cry, scream, or hold you?

He lowered his eyes to get the image of you like that out of his head. Still in shock, he went inside, locked the doors, and shut the windows' blinds.

He stayed like that for days; barely eating, seeing the sun, or getting out of bed. No matter how bad his depression got and how the light at the end of the tunnel seemed to get further and further away, he still refused to cry.

There was a reason. Your note.

He had seen it while cleaning his house that day he got home. Not wanting to let his thoughts get to him, he started sterilizing and cleaning the whole house. When he then got to the bedroom, a small green note poked out underneath the bed.

He crouched and was about to throw it away until he turned it over and read the first and only line.

' this is all your fault '

And after that, he'd never be the same man again. Most days he wondered if he was even human anymore, he didn't feel anything.

Jake

'' Y/n! I'm home. ''

Jake's face scrunched up as he pouted when you didn't come running to him like usual. Something felt wrong, a bad feeling brewed in his stomach, growing in size the more he moved around in his apartment.

He went further in, peeking around the corners but not calling out for you anymore. It felt better to explain the bad feeling by thinking you were doing something you weren't supposed to, rather than you being hurt; so he moved quietly so he could catch you in the act.

Inside the office, you were nowhere to be found. He guessed you had snuck in there to write to your loved ones or maybe snoop through his stuff. Defeatedly he sighed and moved on, eyes getting caught by the door to the bedroom being slightly open.

Jake stopped in his step and turned back.

'' Y/n? Are you in there? Come out please, I just want to talk, '' he tried, his voice coming out a lot more whiny and desperate than he'd planned.

But he got no response except for silence. His worry grew. One deep breath later he pushed the door open before he could change his mind.

It slowly creaked open, revealing the room little by little. He fell to his knees and gasped.

You were lying in a pool of blood. At first, he felt a surge of anger - who could've done this to you? Then, his attention drifted to the small folded note next to you, and his heart sank.

'' No, please don't say...'' he trailed off, hurrying to unwrap the paper with so much panic that he almost ripped it.

' I wanted to meet my friend one last time, that's all I asked for, but like always it was about what you wanted. We both know that this was all your fault. '

Overcome with despair and grief it wouldn't take long for Jake to join you. He couldn't stand being apart, and he'd find you wherever you were, even in death.

Sunghoon

He felt very angry at you, not himself. Yes, he had dared you to do it while the two of you were in the middle of a screaming match but he hadn't expected you to actually pick up a gun.

The image of you staring at him, tears in your eyes, and that look on your face, which was the last he'd see of you, would forever be etched in his mind.

He couldn't sleep at night. It was like it was burned into the back of his eyes too.

Once your body fell to the floor with a thud, his eyes widened and his lips parted. He knew you were gone without even having to check your pulse.

'' Do it, '' those were his last words to the one person he loved.

He felt sick suddenly, rushing to the bathroom to throw up everything and then some more.

In that bathroom he stayed for hours, just staring blankly at the tiles on the wall, not saying a word or moving an inch. After the sun started setting outside and the light caught his eyes, he finally got up and went to where he had last left you.

You hadn't moved. Sunghoon crouched down next to you and started digging in your pockets for your phone. Something sharp brushed against his palm.

He took it out and saw that it was a note. Unraveling it, he discovered it was a suicide note you must've written a long time ago. Had you always had it on you? Just in case.

' I hate you '

He clenched his fist around the paper, it broke. '' Weak, '' he whispered under his breath and got up.

It was a coping mechanism to place all the anger on you. God knows what he would've done if he started letting that transfer to himself. But, even the anger couldn't stop him from missing you - every single day.

Sunoo

He would blame himself immensely, not having room to be mad at you at all. All that he felt for you was pity and empathy. He tried putting himself in your shoes for the first time and it was a heartbreak he'd never experienced before.

He went to school that day, so excited to see you, only to feel horror as he pushed through the crowd that had formed curiously and saw your body there.

It felt like slow-motion when the wind made you turn and you made eye contact with him. Whispers spread like wildfire all around him, surrounding him completely.

Sunoo felt confused and scared, his eyes darted around anxiously and he tried slipping out. Someone pushed him back.

'' You did this! ''

His head snapped up. A girl, your friend, was standing on the table overlooking the whole classroom. Her eyes were red from crying and in her hand, she was holding something white.

' I'm sorry to do this here, but it's because of my boyfriend, he's controlling and an obsessive, crazy person. I don't want anyone else to get hurt because of him. I'm sorry, I love you '

His world fell apart in an instant. He had no idea you'd been feeling like that, why didn't you tell him? He ran his fingers through his disheveled hair as he came to a realization - you did, and he didn't listen.

He was finally allowed to push through the crowd and run away from the school which he'd never again return to. Tears streamed down his face the whole way home, and they didn't stop even as he reached it.

In his mind, all the ' what if-s ' played. What if he fixed himself and was less obsessive, would you have stayed then? What if he was less jealous, would you have loved him back? What if...what if.

Ni-ki

He tried distracting his mind by both rationalizing it to soften the blow, saying '' we probably weren't made for each other anyway '', and trying to go on dates with other girls.

However, every time he did so, he'd zone out and wish that it was you sitting across from him instead. He started daydreaming which brought a smile to his face until it dropped almost as suddenly as it had come when he heard her voice and realized it wasn't you.

They could never be you.

Suddenly he was angry at them, cursing and telling them to leave him alone and to never text him again.

Deep down he knew he'd never love anyone like you again, and you were actually meant for him; but he hated admitting it and to spare himself from more pain, might never admit it.

That was the thing, you were meant for him. Not anymore; you didn't exist anymore, because of him. He knew that now that his soulmate was gone forever, his bleak days would never be lit up by you again.

Just thinking of that smile, the only one that managed to get through his tough and cold exterior, made him feel like crying or punching something.

He then thought of the note, which he often did, and your body at the morgue because he hadn't come home quick enough to see you, and for that he was grateful; seeing you like that would've driven him to the edge.

The note, the one that read, ' I'm sorry, Riki. I tried, I really did. I love you, -y/n '

[msallurea]

i tried manifestation for over a year and i feel like anti neville goddard people are right, even tho i still believe, i don't know. Nothing works

I'm not understanding what you're saying...you say you feel like the law doesn't work and that nothing works yet at the same time say you still believe in the law??? If you truly believed in the law it would be absolutely impossible for you to feel like you shouldn't believe it because "nothing works". Of course there's nothing wrong with feeling that way and that's fine.

You are viewing the law of assumption as if it's a one and done deal. The law is literal in works all the time 24/7 regardless if you're conscious in it or not or if you believe in it or not. There was a time I blindly believed in the law but would backtrack my belief on it until I went within myself thinking of all the things I once assumed in my imagination, they're all in my 3d right now playing right in front of me as we speak.

I literally manifested my family moving into a new home in the exact house that I once imagined and I didn't even realize it until I went into the house and I was living out that assumption in the physical world. May I remind you, the only thing I wanted was to simply move out of my own home because I wanted my own space. Though it's not in its entirety, it still manifested because it all falls under the assumption that me and my family moved into a much nicer place. I did that without affirming or doing methods 24/7 and all that extra bs. I only simply imagined and decided.

I feel those that don't understand Nevilles teachings either 1: they interpret Neville words through the lenses of ppl on tumblrs manifestation experiences. Or 2: they "apply" his word then when "nothing shows up" they call it fake and not real. Not saying that that's what you're doing but this is just in general.

Have I manifested the much more "bigger" things I've wanted yet? No I haven't. But that doesn't justify that the law nor Neville teachings aren't in some way true. I know this because I've consciously manifested many other things by actually applying Neville work. Do I tend to overcomplicate and self savatoge? Yes yes I do. But does that mean manifestation doesn't work/work for me? No no it doesn't.

I'll tell you like I told another: if you truly believe in the law then apply it. If you don't or if another's words sways your belief in the law then leave it alone and respectfully live your life on as if you never even found out about the law and act as if it never even existed. Of course 9/10 that probably won't be the safest route because you've already gained all this knowledge about the law just for you to throw it all away. Idk about you but if I had the information of knowing that I could change my reality all by imagination alone, it'd be pretty fuckin hard for me to just forget about that let alone letting it go.

The problem isnt the law nor its teachings, its all these rules you all have placed upon it to make you feel like its workin all because you either lack or no true faith in your power to actually apply the law consciously and manifest what you desire. The law doesn't state if your affirm x amount of times, visualize x amount of times or as vividly, script til your fingers fall off, do every method that you see hoping it'll work for it to manifest in 3d and- no. The law states, assume that you already have/are what you want to be. Not later, not a minute from now nor 2 days from now but RIGHT NOW assume that you ALREADY are what you want to be. Though false, if persisted on it will harden into fact.

I've been in the manifestation community since I was 11 years old and have been in loa community for about 3-4 years now. Maybe a little longer. After all these years I still hadn't manifested my dream life yet but I have no one to blame but myself for that because not only did I not fully apply the law but I've procrastinated and self sabatoged by constantly going back and forth between believing and not believing in the law even after I've manifested some things by actually using the law consciously. Im about to be 18 years old this year, all this time I've been here I could've been left the community, could've no longer believed and bashed every loa blog anywhere screaming from the top of my lungs how this is all just some weird spiritual cult that everybody is just pretending about there success stories and they're all just lying. But I didn't. And even if I did, being bitter and envious of others successes regardless if they're real or not still wouldn't change my situation nor would it make me any better and just make me more bitter.

My point I'm making is, if you know you've been actually applying the law and not half assing, actually being persistent and consistent, not letting the 3d dictate what you do and don't have, trusting on your imagination, turning to your imagination every. Single. Time you feel you don't have what you want, actually having faith in what you've imagined EVEN WHEN YOU DONT SEE YOUR DESIRES IN 3D. Then by all means I understand if you like others are anti Neville and don't believe in his work or in the law and I 100% have no judgement or criticism towards you if that is how you feel. However, I'd like for you to strictly and I mean strictly go to Neville teachings just one more time. If you feel his wordings is too complicated for the moment, I suggest listening to his infamous Barbados story, watch a simplified version of "how to manifest" by Neville Goddard and to listen to Edward art. The best vids to start with are "how to imagine", "you are in Barbados", "believe I have" and finally his Edward art series if you're still interested though I suggest reading it on reddit since I think it's completed there. I want you to take notes on everything that catches your attention and also the most important things in the video. If you still don't feel confident enough in applying the knowledge you gained from your notes to your desires, I recommend doing Neville ladder experiment. Edward art has a video posted on it on how to do it you can apply it from there.

[uchidachi]

2024 Writing Round-Up

I was tagged by @librivore42! tyyyy!!!

words posted: 33,543 💚 (although about 2k of those were previously posted on tumblr, I'm still counting them!)

additional words written: A LOT, but they're broken up over so many documents I couldn't count them. there's 5,146 in the Veilguard fics I currently have open and writing in... I have a WIP problem.

fandoms: All Dragon Age all the time. (3 Origins/Awakening, 1 for DAII, 8 for Inquisition, and 2 for TN/Veilguard)

highest kudos: A Voice on the Line, with 59. the people crave Dorian/Fenris

highest hit one-shot: Ser Possessed-a-lot's Big Day, with 294. I don't blame them I'd want to see what I was on when I wrote that, too 😅

new things I tried: I wrote Awakening fic, finally! and writing from a first-person-plural POV as possessed!Ser Pounce. But the big new thing was writing all those recipe fics! I have a whole series now!!

fic I spent the most time on: The Poirier Family Cookbook, most assuredly! not only is it the longest thing I wrote, but I had all the time developing and testing (and photographing!) the recipes!!

fic I spent the least time on: This year I think it was the Ser Possessed-a-lot fic! I wrote and posted that in a haze in like half a day... But overall it was A (Literally) Hot Kiss, which was Alistair/Amell flash fiction that I posted this year, but wrote ages ago.

favourite thing I wrote: You're really going to make me choose between my children??? I had the most fun writing The Alamarri Falcon, and just diving headfirst into writing film noir banter. I also created the Lucanis/Neve tag with that fic, which I'm very proud of 😊

favourite thing(s) I read: OMG do I need to choose? I've read soooo much good fic this year!! FIC REC ROUNDUP TIME

I'd be remiss if I didn't first shoutout the slowburn Cassarric epic A Marriage of Inconvenience. Ao3 claims that I have visited it 195 times

More Cassarric with Nobody's Business!!

Speaking of fics I visit constantly, @klickitats updated Love Song for the Admiral!!!! I am still processing the final chapter please go read this it's my favorite fic

Did You Hide the Moon Again? is Audacity/Merrill/Solas and was written for me for the Black Emporium exchange also please go read that

Rooks!!!!!!!! @swordbisexual has Vissenta Hawke-as-Rook here, @rowanisawriter has an amazing grey warden Fahad here, @shouldaspunastory has Tobias Mercar, @fanfoolishness' Liesl Ingellvar here, I'm obsessed with @hyperions-light's Lethanavir de Riva already, and they're obsessed with Viago... there's this insanely hot Lucanis/Neve/Rook series (idk if the author is on tumblr)

Oh hey making this list has reminded me that I really need to read @amarmeme's Illario/Rook fic, so that's what I'm doing today...

Also shoutout to literally every Emmrich/Bellara fic I've read so far, I'm obsessed actuallly

Also the entire collections for the 2024 DA Create-A-Thon and Black Emporium Exchange

writing goals for 2025: Finish those two dozen Veilguard WIPs, I guess... Maybe just one of them to start???

new works: I swear I'm gonna post a Rook/Taash fic before the end of the year I SWEAR it... I just need to buckle down and write...

tagging: everyone I already tagged? idk, I got really into going through my Ao3 history to answer that favorite reads, so I'm probably gonna re-read my gift fics from this year, good times...

[ofmermaidstories]

About blocked anon. In general i agree with merms. Howevre. Ok im a silent reaer too for the most part. Tried a sideblog, but i get sidetracked and end up not using it. If the writer has an ao3 i try to leave a comment there but i have more trouble reblogging and interacting on tumblr fro some reason. I have been blocked too for not reblogging fics! But honestly I don't feel particularly bad about it cause I feel like I can't really blame a writer for blocking ppl who don't support their fics.

Like, it's not about talking to the writer, it's about reblogging their fics and show appreciation to the work they put in them and posting them for others. If that's important to that particular writer and they don't feel good with ppl who just lurk (like me) then it's their right to deal with it however they see fit.

I still look at their blog thoughthey just don't show on my dash. If anon wants to put the work and reblog and comment fics on a side blog if they don't want to do so on their main, and ask the writer to unblock them i'm sure they will (unless there's a different reason, like maybe the writer saw soemthign on anon's blog and was like "hmm don't like that". Can't do anything about that.)

You’re allowed to disagree with me, Anon, LOL, I promise don’t mind it—a difference of opinion (on inane things, and I would consider anything that happens on tumblr dot com short of harassment to be inane) is good! Healthy. 😌 Mix things up a bit. But—okay, let’s talk about the reblog debate.

I just don’t vibe with it, LOL. I don’t vibe with sniping people for being lurkers. 💅🏽✨ I don’t respect it, actually, if we’re going to get serious—yes, people can (and should!) curate their followings as they need to. If someone decides to deny you access to their online space then, no, you can’t do anything about it. I just also happen to think it’s one of the more stupid reasons you can block someone lmfao.

I know that the general (touted) thought process behind blocking lurkers is generally a parroted, “it’s about supporting writers”. And to be honest, I would respect the push more if people just admitted they wanted more comments LMAO. Because!!! I think that’s perfectly fine!!! It’s okay to be like, “hey I worked hard on this, and I would like to see a big fat number of notes or to have people in my inbox”. We are real people—real people taking the time and effort to create fun things for free, and it can be bitterly disappointing to have that met with silence or entitlement.

The solution to that though isn’t blocking people for being silent readers. Because that’s turning around and doing to them exactly want we don’t want done to us, as writers—it reduces them from being living human beings to numbers who are measured by how they can best serve (or “support”) you.

I can hear the “Merms this isn’t this serious, we just want more people to reblog fics” already but tbh… it is. I think it is because it lets the worst of us get away with treating each other really, really appallingly. You are absolutely allowed to deny someone access to your online space. But if you’re denying them that access and also making them feel bad (“you haven’t reblogged enough fics/you haven’t liked enough of my posts to fill the weekly quota/you’re not doing enough for me to be allowed to see this content I provide online publicly and for free”) then idk… sounds like ur the problem to me.

And look, I don’t say that easily. Tumblr has always been a site where mass hysteria breeds like mould; it tends to happen when online spaces become our Third Place for socialising. We don’t have the normal, social safety-rails that like, actual real-world Places like work or school have for us—we’re unleashed here in our downtime and feel protected by the anonymity of a screen. By the fact that we can’t see each other’s faces when we say things like, “you don’t do enough for me” to random strangers. I don’t like that! So I don’t police it on my own blog. 🫡

Fandom is one of the precious few spaces we have where anything goes. You can create whatever you want, however you want, and it’s all done purely for the love of it. It’s indulgent and silly and fun. So to come into this space and then directly make demands of the other people in it (“reblog x number of fics or else you’re not a real member of the community”) goes against the spirit of why we’re all in this shared space in the first place.

We can absolutely have a conversation about how to support each other—writers and readers—without fear mongering about lurkers being why “omg the community is dying”. I think the community is falling into a lull because people get obsessed with new things; a new show or game. New technology, like ChatGPT for instance, which gives maybe otherwise passive readers a chance to create their own fiction or pocket boyfriend, instantly. Maybe it’s even a generational thing—a change in how people socialise. We are in constant contact with each other, with constant availability—controlling what little we can, what we spend our energy on or how we engage with things in our third space is sometimes only control we have. I’m sure we could even dig digger about like, the consumerist behaviour and entitlements so many of us subconciously take on now—wanting instant updates or reading completed fics only or taking it for granted that we’ll be given an entire season to binge in one go.

I appreciate that writers want to push back against the audience entitlement that can come with creating readily available smut about popular characters. And yeah, reblogging does help showcase art and writing! But it can’t be demanded. It just can’t. Just how no-one has the right to demand you write how they want you to, or upload when they want you to, you don’t have a right to dictate how engage with your work (beyond not being dicks to it!!!!!! underscore!!!!!!).

Should we try and support each other, even through a small act like a reblog? Yes!!! It’s so so so good!!! Despite the essay I’ve just written, I am all for support being shown in whatever small way it can be!!!! But—there’s no entry fee, to being in a fandom. Not for lurkers, not for active readers, not for writers and not for artists. Demanding a fee like that just pushes people away and feeds them into traps like ChatGPT, which, while I understand and emphasise with it’s popularity (especially for younger readers), I will never support it. It’s using it’s current popularity as free training and when it’s learnt enough it will be monetised, but only after it’s stolen so much from all of us. And this is why we should protect the freedom of things like fanfic, and why we should say no to trying to turn each other into numbers or updates—we’re already products that are being sold, in so many other aspects of our lives. We desperately need spaces where we are free to be unhinged about little kissy stories and the characters they’re attached to.

I’m sorry Anon, I know you were just offering a counterpoint to blocked anon lmao, and I didn’t mean to unleash—but I am actually incredibly passionate about this topic, and the broader implications for the community a debate like this brings.

[man-im-so-high]

as you probably have figured it out - i am the anon

idk why i thought anonymous could protect me from the consequences. i really don't.

the "call out post" was beas and coucous idea. i have nothing to do with their personal issue with lena. this will be about my side and i'll only be speaking for myself.

for some time in may, i was friends with lena. but then they and george (also very sorry for them misgendering you) started interacting with me less and less. i reached out to lena and the situation was cleared. it was alright and all talked out. yet, i was overthinking and probably over-interpreting the messages.

then, a week ago, i posted a post where i was mad at my moms boyfriend and said something very insensitive and horrible about him being a drug addict. lena rightfully called me out. i tried to explain my situation, tired to apologize for it. i also tried to apologize on tumblr, by making a post. i'm very sorry for what i said. i'm in a very bad place mentally and getting my thoughts out helps me (as you probably know by seeing me on your dash all the time), but there are thoughts that shouldn't be said or even be thought - that one being one of them. i should've never even thought that, since the main post had nothing to do with it. it was wrong and unforgivable, that was my first mistake.

then i posted that i want to be friends with everyone on 75blr and someone said that maybe there's a reason why i'm not. it made me anxious and overthink, jumping to conclusions, thinking it had to be lena.

i talked to coucous, telling them about my assumption. they told me that they had problems with lena in the past and told me about the situation with bea. i remembered lena and george talking about it once when we were in a groupchat together. and i told bea and coucous. another mistake. i should've just kept my mouth shut. i should've never said anything. i'm sorry for telling them, it was none of my business. i wasn't part of the situation, i had nothing to do with it all, so why did i say anything? honestly, because my brain kept telling me that lena hates me. yet lena said they DON'T, i just didn't believe them. why? insecurities.

now, the post. they planned it, typed it out and before it got posted, i read it and approved it. i can't apologize for the misgendering, since i'm trans* myself. i didn't think of george using other pronouns now. i'm really sorry for that, but i understand if you don't forgive me. if we do a call out post, we could've at least fact checked your pronouns. embarrassment at its finest.

it was so indescribably wrong to even create this post. i didn't think of the consequences it could have on lena, george or jj. i thought i could get away with it. i don't even wanna imagine how you felt when you read it, i already felt terrible finding out you figured out i'm the anon.

it was an impulsive decision, made from insecurity and my terrible mental health. i mean, it just shows that i have no balls - i was too scared to reach out to lena again, so what do i do? i hurt them? why the fuck did i do that?

i was so scared of getting cancelled for the shitty ass thing i said, that i tried cancelling someone else. i was trying so hard to protect myself that i hurt other people. it was selfish, probably even narcissistic.

i'm sorry, i should've kept my mouth shut. it was a situation between lena and me, not for all of 75blr. if you hate me now, i get that. it was the wrong way to handle a situation that was not that deep. i take all the blame for my behavior.

finally, i gotta face my consequences. if you want to unfollow or even block me, do that. i'll be taking some time off tumblr and focus on my mental health.

lena, i hope you can forgive me. i understand if you don't wanna talk to me ever again, this was so wrong and unethical from me. i sorry for how i treated this, it really wasn't that deep and if i had reached out to you before ever thinking of this post, we could've possibly talked it through. but i get if you don't ever wanna talk it out, and i'll live with that.

george, i'm sorry for the misgendering. i'm also sorry for telling them about what you and lena had said in the groupchat. that was none of their business. the whole situation between you all was none of my business.

i hope you can forgive me one day. and maybe, when i'm in a better place mentally and when i have worked on my flaws, we can at least get along again. i'm already in therapy and believe me i would love to see my therapist rn but she's on holiday, i'll see her in 2 weeks. i realized that my behavior hurts others. maybe it's just my anxiety, maybe i just really am selfish. i mean, my dad is a narcissist, maybe i actually am too.

well, i guess that's it. i'll delete tumblr for now

i'm sorry that i hurt you.

- kimi (man-im-so-high // lukeslights4ber)

[arminsumi]

@ your latest reblog about smut being fast food.. I'm not a follower for long BUT I happen to be on here for 10+ years and let me tell you: there's nothing more boring than a fic that's simply about smut. If I read a fic and the writer doesn't even put in the effort to make it at least sound as if that certain character would say xyz then I'll just skip lmao.

I appreciate thoroughly checked works.. characters being spot on and some good worldbuilding. I'm so sick of boring fics that you can literally apply to ANY character and it "works".

If a writer is able to really indulge into a character, their past, what they've been through and so on.. that's what makes me interested in a fic. It should fit the character and you shouldn't be able to copy paste the same work with a different character. I really like your fics that don't include smut at all such as "photograph" that made my heart sink let me tell you. The way it was so innocent and it all came down to Satoru crying and sobbing I can totally see him being heartbroken bc of something like this and he'd totally do it in silence too.

I know I'm just one of a few but please don't be discouraged by clown fics that are full of notes but don't even contain a proper plot. It seems unfair and it is bc most readers are just horny and who am I to blame lol. I also love smut but you know what's even better? If you can imagine that character saying these things, if the scenery makes sense if their relationship makes sense..

I appreciate writers that still care about the little things. Please don't stop putting in the effort because it seems like nobody is truly liking your fluffy fics.. I do and I also love heart wrenching angst and other fics.

I hope you're feeling a lil better now.. had to get that off my chest 🩷

omg 😭💗

thank u so much for taking the time to write this, it's rlly reassuring and so sweet of u!!

i've been a bit self-conscious of my works lately because i see paragraph smut getting great feedback and then thought-out plots being lost in the tumblr void.

so i start scrutinizing my own work like ok maybe this wasn't as good as i thought?? did i structure it wrong?? is the flow bad??

i rlly try hard to ensure quality and do thorough editing and carefully write dialogues.

because i personally hate reading stuff and thinking "yeahhhh they'd never say that lol" bc it just breaks the immersion.

fanfic is a special type of reading experience, because the reader is usually self-inserting into the world and daydreaming about the scenario.

and also regarding smut, sometimes i hate writing full smut scenes or writing extremely satisfying sex. because in real life it's not like that, and i'd like to show relationship development like maybe character A says ok let's stop for now or maybe they don't go too far or maybe they're dissatisfied.

but i fear that writing about realistic, emotional sexual interactions with angst and (fluffy ones with short smut and long aftercare/after scenes) will not be well-received or enjoyed. it would greatly help plotlines of some of my angst fics, like the one where satoru loves the reader but she absolutely doesn't, but they "try" make it work and it falls apart because she feels emotionless during intimacy with him (but not with suguru, and she can't fall for him bc yk... tight-knit friend group problems 😔)

idk but it's alright bc i have my own personal rules of writing that i try to stick to, and i'm trying not to let notes or feedback deter me. i always hide in Kerouac's books when i lose sight of truthful writing lol

anyways thank u for ur motivational words they are stored in my heart hehe 💗👍

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

I saw your posts about Redditors' very unfair interpretations of Loki. And the fact that they went straight to calling you a narcissist because you questioned who is a reliable narrator makes my blood boil. They're shutting you up by perpetuating stigma towards NPD and other Cluster B disorders. And also I hate the acceptance of police tactics that often lead to entrapment and false confessions being framed as therapy.

in response to this post describing the situation. the comment thread itself can be found here, if anyone's curious, although that just shows the specific context around my comment; the broader context was this post, and then this original comment, which unfortunately got a shit-ton of upvotes despite also being on the same general dumb argument, although before the commenter got aggressive about it. so then somebody else started arguing, and the original commenter argued back at truly ridiculous length, and then I butted in to say "er well could you maybe clarify a couple critical parts of your premise here because I'm nnnnnot sure the text supports them actually" which yes is a little obnoxious in principle but not at all unusual for this type of discussion? because...this is...how Reddit discussions go? or Twitter or Tumblr discussions for that matter, like nobody has to respond to your entire long-ass exhausting thing about how Loki Is A Nasty Narcissist With A Huge Body Count when all they really want to do is point out that you, uh, seem to have a tiny bit of a structural problem underlying your whole argument, just...right there? that structural problem? and that other one? right, and these things you're ignoring kinda render the rest of your argument a little bit irrelevant? and since you were saying that you were only talking about stuff that directly happened onscreen, then surely you have no problem talking about other things that happened directly onscreen, right? like, obviously you have answers for those things too, if this is all so self-evident. right?

...but also, I was genuinely curious who they meant by things being "explicitly stated by reliable narrators," and irritatingly enough I still am because they never fucking answered, just got pissy and flounced. like I'm assuming they meant Mobius and probably Odin? maybe also Thor? but I genuinely don't know because they literally refused to answer! probably because they knew I'm right and didn't want to admit it 🤷‍♀️

anyway. to be 100% scrupulously fair, this person speculated that I "identify with Loki's narcissistic traits and [am] trying to excuse them" rather than outright calling me a narcissist, but...you know, that's...a difference of semantics. I politely brought up some textual evidence about how maybe actually their reliable narrators aren't so reliable and also Thanos's coercion probably extended at least until the Hulk-smashing, and they responded 1) as if I was the person they'd already been arguing with (but then didn't take back any of the aggression when I said I wasn't, so, idk) and b) by personally insulting my character. soooo.

in hindsight it's actually kind of satisfying that they didn't even try to argue with me, just insulted me and flounced, because if they really had a good argument, they could've come up with something. kind of indicates they realized I had a good point and that's why they got so pissed.

honestly the thing that bothers me more is how common this viewpoint is that Loki's a narcissist, which...I hate to blame the show for but I kind of have to, because I don't think it's something I really saw until the show actually used the term, and then everyone started going "haha yes of course" without a second thought even though the vast majority of Loki's behavior isn't even remotely in line with either NPD or the more informal, nonclinical definition of narcissism that people toss around. (although, side note, I did read an absolutely incredible human AU Thorki series where iirc Loki did have clinical NPD, among other things, and it absolutely worked there. uh, mind the tags if you check it out though, maybe especially the parallel series from Loki's POV; it gets very dark in parts.) even aside from perpetuating stigma against real people with real mental illnesses, it's just--such a lazy, shallow reading, you know? and it's...honestly, it's unrealistic. you want me to believe that Loki was a narcissist by the informal definition and completely in love with himself (but also scared and hurt. these things do not fit) and blind to the damage he was doing until Magical Mr. Mobius's therapy session knocked some sense into him and forced him to do some introspection for the first time in his life, and only then did he realize some things that the all-knowing Mobius already knew about him, which caused him to make a sudden, massive personality change? yeah, no. come on. he's not stupid, lying to himself sometimes out of self-defense doesn't mean he lacks self-awareness, and nobody straight-up changes that fast. also if you want to tell me the poor kiddo who was in a constant state of breakdown from the Jotunheim battle onward was also too much in love with himself and that was the real problem, then uh...I don't think we watched the same movies.

...I guess that's the other thing that pisses me off about all this, that people keep putting so much emphasis on what Mobius did, giving him all the credit for the reality check that allowed Loki to become a hero or whatever the fuck. honestly? that was an accident. Mobius saw a potential asset and was perfectly willing to use all kinds of emotional manipulation and psychological torture to get information and see if he could turn this potential asset into a more long-term investment. the reality check wasn't what Mobius shoved in his face, it was what Loki found out on his own and had to accept for himself: that this was all real, that he did still deeply love his family and they still loved him and they were lost to him anyway, and his fucking preordained life ended with him dead at Thanos's hands.

Mobius gave him the opportunity to watch the tape and yelled at him for a while. that's mostly it. Loki did the actual work of grieving and processing everything alone and he deserves 100% of the credit, and actually I'm a lot more pissed about this than I realized. like, even if if that had actually been therapy, or even if we figure Mobius had some charitable intentions toward Loki in there as well as pragmatic ones (which...look, nobody in the TVA is exempt from ACAB so I'm not inclined to give him much benefit of the doubt, is all I'm saying), Loki would still be the one doing the work, and it's some ugly shit to act like this cop who manipulated him should get to take credit for that.

[lyxthen]

Extremely mildly niche academic-ish rambling ahead. Might wanna skip this one. It is long and boring

One thing that does make me happy is the Latinoamerican Literary Boom was so big it actually went on to be translated in other languages. There are still authors that I feel need to have their works translated (mostly women, I wonder why) but many of the video essayist I watch keep mentioning Borges in their videos, and truly I can't blame them because his work is rad. I don't know about him as a person but he lives 30 layers of post ironic meta fantasy or some shit like that. Cortazar is really cool also. In terms of living authors I really like Juan Villoro, his writing style is very fun. The Wild Book is a children's book about literary theory, like, Theory of Reception, Death of the Author, stuff like that. It was a really fun read as a child but the themes are interesting as well.

I feel like, I don't know, it's so hard to find Latin American fantasy books these days, or at least they are not as available. The YA genre is dominated by books originally writen in English or on books written in Spain (think Laura Gallego, which I just found out has a Netflix series made out of her most famous series of novels, but I am derailing) with the exception of Benito Taibo, who is Mexican, and has one (1) high fantasy trilogy that is kinda mid. The ideas were great, but they could've been expanded, you know? Camino a Sognum had so much potential, and you can *see* that it was inspired by classic epic fantasy like Earthsea, but it needed some more *spark* to actually work. I have not read Normal Person, but I plan to. Maybe it is better made?

And it's funny, because a book like Mexican Gothic, that was written in English, is so darn good! But only if you read it *in English* because the Spanish translation did this thing where they try to "neutralize" the accent and manerismd of the characters to make it appeal to the wider Spanish-speaking world and it doesn't sound or feel Mexican at all.

I am not sure where I am going with this. I have been discovering the local literary scene lately (and I mean *local*, like city-wide local) and it is mostly so boring because no one is writing fantasy! No magic realism! It's all kind of depressing dwellings on how we are being gentrified and indigenous people keep being oppressed by the mestizo majority and corporations and the goverment keep stealing the land to make Coca Cola and we are dying of diabetes and we don't got water and Capitalism sucks. LIKE I AGREE BUT CAN YOU PUT FAIRIES IN THERE OR SOMETHING. And I guess that's why I've never wanted to read Cómo Agua para Chocolate, because it is just *too real*, cuz it's a story I know by memory and I don't wanna live it all over again verbatim. Probably a great book, but I just cannot.

I don't know man idk idk.

The funniest think about this is that my favorite book ever (like actually, for real) is a children's book, written from the perspective of the imaginary friend of a child, and it is so gracefully narrated, and the characters so well constructed, and it touches real problems like Teen Pregnancy and Childhood Depression and Anxiety while also managing to be funny and whimsical? The very premise of the book (memories of an almost true friend, it's called) is already so creative and the execution is masterful. BUT I AM THE ONLY GUY ON PLANET EARTH THAT SEEMS TO KNOW ABOUT ITS EXISTENCE ITS DRIVING ME INSANE.

Where was I going with this. Ah yes. Youtubers talking about Borges. Well. Um. I. I think imma translate some of my own texts to English and put them on Wattpad or something. They are not the kind of thing Wattpad people are into but I gotta archive them somewhere and doing it on AO3 feels wrong since they aren't fan works. And on that note, I also wanna write more fan works.

Ugh I could be writing an essay but you got me writing a Tumblr post. What is wrong with me. I'm too bad at word weaving.

Aaaa (??????

Thoughts?

Help

I did take my meds today BTW. I don't know what is happening to me I just wanna WRITE ok I LOVE WRITING BUT WHY MUST I DO TUMBLR INSTEAD OF MY PASSIONS?

Oi I'll end it there

[romanticatheartt]

I want to rant a little so before y'all attack me I ship Elucien so pls chill the f out. As always my problem is the fans (AND NOT ALL OF THEM). And if you don't agree with any of this please be respectful or just unfollow or block me, I'm not looking for an argument :)

The hate Feysand or IC gets from different sides of the fandom is funny to me. When they don't want to blame their favorite character, they put it on IC. And I'm specifically want to talk about Eluciens.

It's a little long so ->

Idk what's their problem and I certainly don't want to know (I didn't even know there was a problem but apparently is) but I found this out unwillingly when Tumblr thinks I would enjoy these kind of posts or when people don't know how to tag properly lol

So it seems Eluciens have problem with IC because they don't let them communicate without being watched and if they leave them alone they'll be getting along instantly...

First of all have y'all forget the fact that they have been alone? After the war Feyre specially leaves them alone and let them talk. No one watches and there's no one there to make them uncomfortable. And If I'm not wrong there is one other time before he leaves for the search of Vassa. My point is the times they've been watched, was because IC didn't trust Lucien not because they have problem with his bond with Elain. The bond is sacred to them, they'll never have any problem with that trust me.

So the fact that you don't take into account that maybe Elain is really not ready to be with Lucien is beyond me. That you take away her agency and turn it into someone else's fault.

You don't want to accept that Elain just had a messy break up, she still mourns her human life, she's somewhere she doesn't belong to and is utterly lost. You want to completely forget that and blame it on IC while they're their biggest supporters.

I'm pointing out to Morrigan, Rhysand, Feyre, Cassian and maybe Nesta (after acosf)

Morrigan who's power is truth and asked Feyre to let them figures it out themselves even tho Feyre was trying to get them to talk to each other. She asked Feyre to not interfere even tho her intentions were good.

When Rhysand stopped Az because he knew there's no thoughts behind his actions. And when he didn't answer him about Mor or when he questioned the Cauldron he instantly had to stop it. (Probably because Tam/in said something similar about his bond with Feyre and he saw his brother is turning to someone he hates.) And while I didn't like the fact that he kinda decided for Elain, he also didn't know what she really wants but whatever it is he turns the events in favor of Lucien and Elain or let's say somewhere with less heart break. He wants them to at least have one chance before they do anything else. Because let's be honest if Rhys knew Az and Elain would've been happy together and Azriel would genuinely love her, he wouldn't have brought all those political reason as to why they can't be together. He would've find a way to make it happen. Rhysand is the person who wants for his family to get to their HEA. So it's completely obvious to me that he wanted to give Az reasons as to not think with his d*ck as always.

And they love LOVE to bash Feyre for even commenting on Cauldron being wrong. Listen so here's the thing: Sjm wanted to bring this question as a way to show that her mates are never wrong, they're suited for each other and 90% endgame. And since the first 3.5 books are 1st person and its Feyre's story, it had to be questioned by Feyre. This was an author's choice and not Feyre genuinely believing that. And it was a question that leads to Rhysand explaining how untrue it is. It was just a way for Sjm to show her mates are not wrong for each other. Feyre wasn't forcing this idea at all. She's new to all of this even tho she's been living with them for a couple of years. Compare to everyone else who has been born fae. She has the right to question things. (And they always come up with this question: what if someone question Feyre's bond with Rhys wouldn't she get mad? Um... No. Because she's seeing and experiencing the result of accepting the bond and it has clearly worked out for her. And beside being mates, she loves him. Being mated was a bonus point for them. So she probably wouldn't care if Cauldron was wrong. The mating bond isn't the only reason they're together. One day I'll write a post about the mating bond and why I think it can't be wrong but that's for another time.)

And Cassian is on board with them because he, like Feyre and Rhysand, knows how it's like to be with your mate. And we see him looking at Lucien with pity. And he also notices that night court is definitely not for Elain.

And Nesta literally said this in hofas:

“I’ve been in the Fae realms long enough to know that there are forces that sometimes guide us, push us along. I’ve learned to let them. And to listen.”

... I MEAN, I MEAN!!! *read it in timothée chalamet voice*

In acosf she called Elain out on her behavior. So you see, everyone is somehow rooting for Elucien and want them to at least give it a chance.

I said all this to prove that IC shouldn't be blamed while Elain (and maybe even Lucien we've never read either povs) don't want to take a step toward each other--for now. I guess it's just easier to blame IC for something that's literally not their fault. Everything they did after Lucien came into Velaris was understandable. They didn't trust him and he proved his somewhat loyalty to them or at the very least to Elain. And this was back in acowar so things has changed!!! But let's not forget that in the last winter solstice, Elain sat furthest from Lucien and it was her choice!! Her not giving Lucien a chance (yet) is her choice. Not wanting to be alone with him is her choice, please try to understand.

Still holding a grudge when circumstances has changed after acowar is just petty imo...

[sheraayasherrecs]

"champagne problems" by @/bluewhistlingthrush on ao3 ie @idk-im-weird on tumblr

Maybe he blames himself, maybe he knows he doesn’t deserve her. Maybe he knows she’ll forgive him and kiss him and come back to him, if only he runs after that train— what a fucking cliche, by the way— and maybe. Maybe he doesn’t really want that.

"No," he whispers, too quiet and too loud and wrong , crazy, fucked up. The room quietens so he says it again— no, sorry, I can't, I'm sorry

“But— that’s the thing, isn’t it?” He leans back on the couch, trying— and failing— to make sense of what he’s feeling. “I don’t know. Maybe I loved her. Maybe I didn’t. But— it wasn’t perfection, okay? It wasn’t.” And maybe— maybe she didn’t make me happy, did you think of that ?

He never told her why. He never even told himself.

And yeah, Malia just married Kira. Also yeah, Stiles is maybe still not over her. But the sky is clear tonight and he's finally getting Derek to watch Star Wars by his own fucking choice and maybe. Maybe it's going to be alright.

one of the best fanfics on "champagne problems" i have ever read and i am speechless and this is my fav fanfic written by saanvi.

[mrspotatoheads]

Okay my fav girlie... Not really an loa question but just like an elder sis advice maybe(I'm sorry it's too long but the situation is also like very difficult to handle alone) . I'm seeing this guy from last 6 months and he's been treating me like shit like total trash. And I was earlier getting affected by him but I just made myself think that if I start being distant with him slowly while being in a relationship I'll soon come to the point that I won't really need him anymore and it will be easy for me to move on after break up cause in these 6 months we broke up thrice and I was the dumbass to go back to him. I take full responsibility for my action and honestly my this strategy is working in my favor. Now I'm not obsessed with him as I was last three times and I don't get anxious if we like don't talk or meet. But but but last night he went for a guy friends b'day and pulled an all nighter and he was there with many girls along with one of his "favorite gym girlie" His very "precious friend". She sat on his lap for like a second or two to click a picture with him and he was with her like throughout the party just by her side not even an inch away from her. She got drunk, my bf wasn't drunk but they drew like weird (obscene) pictures on each other's hands and he even dropped her home cz apparently she was drunk and he has been dropping her home very frequently even after their gym sessions. See this is my first relationship and I'm very introvert so never really went partying or anything so idk and I really wanna ask you and other girls that is this all normal and I'm just over reacting if I'm getting pissed of by whts happening. Like he literally met her at the gym 2 months back and we have been dating for like 6 months and all of a sudden she is his precious friend, she is his very reliable person, very mature and the relationship that he never wanna loose. He even like shuts me up if I question anything regarding her cz he's like she's very special to me and she is just a frnd u r my gf that's very clear she knows about our relationship. If I would question him, he would threaten me to leave me and break up with me and I'm really not yet over him to leave him immediately it will literally drop me into depression if we break up he's my first ever love of my life. Idk wht to do? If all this is nrml and I'm overreacting and overthinking. And how I shd cope up with all this how shd I go about this situation. I literally have not even a single human to go to and ask for advice. I would really appreciate if my Tumblr besties could help me. Please!

Okay, first of all, I’m so sorry this is happening. This isn’t normal at all, and he is gaslighting you hard. You deserve so much better, baby. I know you said this wasn’t really a loa question but I’m going to reply with a loa answer lmao. Now, if you really want this man you can obviously manifest that he treats you better, or you can break up with him and move on and even manifest a better relationship with someone else, or you can break up with him but manifest that maybe he betters himself and realises what he’s done wrong at least. Please don’t let this stupid man’s behaviour get to you, I hope this isn’t having a toll on your self esteem. Just continue to work on yourself, even if you don’t see a problem with your mindset, you can always better yourself no matter how good you feel. Don’t blame this on yourself, in my opinion I think you should break up with him but this is your reality so it’s up to you. Please update me if you can, I hope it works out for you :)

[covenlegacy]

Tell me it's not you , you toxic obsessed bitch.

•this was the ask she this obsessed anon sent.

These are the things she has been posting for past 2years

All this is just a small part of things has done before

Here are few comments she posted on predictions channel, it was easy to recognise her you know why read them and you guys will know the answer

Same hate 2 years nothing changed but she became more toxic now.

She has been following a pattern, she firstly stalk every info related to him present on internet. Then she over analyse them she compare everything to her realise how fucked up her life is.

Start blaming jk for everything, start hating and spreading misinformation about him without any evidence to back up her statements. Blame everything on him as if he was responsible for her not having a good life.

Then she act like a victim and make people believe how jk is changing her how is he triggering her but in reality she is still the same whore with same bitchy attitude she was few years back

Many months later she is still filled with hate because she never worked on herself she was too busy stalking him and blaming him.

And it's 2023 how can you still say your life is still miserable as it was in 2021 then it's not him, you are the problem.

And i m sorry but I'm not sorry I never thought I will talk about or make any comment about anything related to this but your toxicity is just too much for us to handle.

No one in this blog hate you, there's nothing you have that made people envy of you but your toxic behaviour force people say things they don't want to. Also I don't knw you I don't want to know you keep talking to coven all i want to say to you is don't you dare to send another hate msg about him.

Also idk but somebody said i replied to my anon ask like seriously she said *A why would do i that , also I used my phone for Tumblr and there's no option to send ask with another question or maybe i still don't knw how to use it as I have never sent any ask. Also I have no hate towards this obsessed anon too she just need help and i m not here for it. Before defending her problematic behaviour let me ask you if someone say same about your brother and father do you still behave the same way.

.

[ridl]

the entire reason why i followed you in the first place is because i thought your art was a breath of fresh air in the many repetitive depictions of ganqing where they both simply look ethereal and exist next to one another. Its not that I haven't enjoyed that type of art from time to time but your works have always felt full of personality and grounded in a way I find very hard to come by--on top of the fact that I genuinely enjoy your artstyle.

Your blocky yet sharp lines are genuinely so captivating and distinctive (if i hadn't seen it first hand I wouldn't believe Ganyu would look so pretty like that!) and your alternative version with smoother lines manages to feel simultaneously professional and yet cozy at the same time--a crazy feat to achieve perfect harmony with the Ganqing vibe. Every time your work comes across my dash I instantly know its you and i'm genuinely glad i've been able to keep up with your progress over time (and then being surprised by how many cool games you keep track of on your blog) its been a serious delight.

But despite my parasocial proclivities, another aimless comment praising your art doesn't fix much of anything. You think your art is bland. You think yourself is bland. It wouldn't really matter if the entire world was in love with what you make if you, yourself, were not. So if you don't like the way your art currently looks, why not change it? And if you don't like the way you are, why don't you change that? And if that fails to sate you, change it again? And then again and again and again in search of your ideal. Why would you stop here, being disappointed while only knowing half of the person you could be?

i'm not sure what your answer is... but i'm wishing you the best.

thank you, i'm actually very happy (as much as i can be despite the mental torment lol...) that u think that way abt my art! that's like, a big honour that u think its full of personality and grounded. i try to make it that way bc that's what i like and want to see with ganqing. maybe i don't always succeed and sometimes it's just random doodles of my blorbos bc i have so little energy i need breaks between my actual "big" ideas. but ig i succeed often enough for u to think this way. so i'm glad you like my depictions of ganyu and keqing, whether it's their... personality? or the artstyle i use. and that you don't mind my game posting lol, cuz i rlly just dump all my interests on my one blog, for the better or worse.

i get what u mean abt ur comment not fixing anything, but i really am thankful for all the positive feedback i get. it'd feel extremely lonely otherwise, i draw things i like but in the end i post it to seek some sort of connection, or validation. like everyone i suppose. that's why i'm being nervous abt reposting stuff on bsky lately lol, sometimes i get comments, other times i don't. i don't blame ppl for not commenting but i rlly have to fight the thought of "nobody will care, why bother posting" again bc it's a new place, as i mostly already got used to it on tumblr/twt.

now, the 2nd part of my vent was very vague, and i totally get what ur saying and i'm thankful for ur message. unfortunately it's just a bit more complicated 😅 i don't exactly... hate my art i think. i want to get better ofc, but i know it's always gonna be imperfect and i have to just keep going or else i would never finish anything. some of it is better, some worse, there are pieces i like a lot and i'm genuinely proud of. but i don't know if other ppl feel the same and remember the art i made, even if i like it myself. in my head there's a difference between "art that's good enough for a like" and "art that's actually memorable". idk

then there's me and my social problems. won't get into details but some things are just out of my control, and it's kinda nobody's fault either, i can't rlly do anything abt it. there are things i wanna change and i think i can with time, but certain things are just part of reality we live in. it's just how humans and relationships work, i'm aware of it and i understand it. but it doesn't stop me from being sad abt it tho. making friends can be painful.

but thank you so much for this message and for the good wishes nevertheless!

[underwhelmedandoverstimulated]

Maybe you're not getting clients.

I haven't bought a lot of art

But the art I have bought has been from Tumblr artists.

Idk, like I think I'd feel more sympathetic if anyone actually used the algorithm and you could actually blame the site more than "I'm not getting reblogs."

A lot of the time though, I see complaints like this, and I can't help but think "maybe the problem isn't with people not reblogging your work and is more to do with your work not resonating with people enough for them to want to share it.

There's one artist I've followed across three different platforms because their art moves me in such a way. Idk, maybe spend less time yelling at people for their moral failing for not obligatorily sharing your art just because you made it, and more time making something that expresses your genuine joy and passion and maybe more people will like it?

[stardusted-hearts]

[ooc]

Hey guys sorry my activity has been non-existent lately, but I wanted to put out a few important reminders for this account/AU.

I know this is kind of long but please read it, it's important to me.

Anything that happens in any discord server is Not Canon to this tumblr, unless stated otherwise. I like to keep these things separated both for the sake of not getting confused, and being able to easily look back on character interactions here via tags/posts/etc. This also allows me to loosen up and be a little more silly in discord servers than I would be here outside of crack.

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Shadow [Horizon] as I have stated before, does not yet have his nickname In Character. The best he might be able to give another character is to say they can call him Dragon if they ask for a nickname. "Horizon" is a very special name that is going to be given to him by Sonic at some point, but it hasn't happened yet.

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Sonic [Stardust] so far only has the nickname "Star," given to him by Volt. Other characters that are close to him will have heard this and can use it, otherwise characters need to ask him about it. "Stardust" will be his full nickname eventually, but it again has not happened yet.

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I am not kidding when I say I NEED continuity. That means continuity here, on tumblr, unless otherwise discussed. If you want to RP with me via discord and have it be canon here, I am so down for that! We just need to talk about it first, please!

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I am also very down to talk about pre-established relationships, which can include knowing one of my muses' nicknames. I view first time interactions between characters as very important, no matter how awkward it might be, or how difficult it might be to write. If stuff gets brushed off or goes unacknowledged I am going to be lost and lose motivation to RP, so at the very least we need to talk things through if you don't want to do a full intro-thread like that.

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I feel like these posts I make keep getting ignored or people just don't care about what I'm saying. Forgetting is fine, I forget stuff all the time, trust me. But this stuff is important to me, and if you can't give me continuity for whatever reason, be it that it's not your RP style, or whatever, that's totally okay but we are likely not going to be very compatable as RP partners outside of maybe server-based stuff or random crack.

I don't spend time putting a bunch of effort into writing a meaningful starter or reply only for it to be tossed aside like it meant nothing toward relationship development. This isn't about matching my length, I don't expect anyone to do that.

I don't want to end up not RPing here for MONTHS again because something turned me off. [ It's a problem, and not something I'm blaming anyone else for, it's me. IDK if it's the neurodivergency or what, but I do have some avoidant behavior that can be kind of easy to trigger at times. That's why I make these posts. ]

Again, if this stuff doesn't vibe with you I totally get it and it's okay, I'm not mad or upset and it's not like I'd dislike someone for it. We all have our different styles, wants, and different things we find fun in RP.

For me, I want and need continuity. The "tumblr timeline" here matters to me, this is how I enjoy RP.

So please keep that in mind if you do still want to interact with me. Keep in mind whether or not our characters really know each other, and how much they have or haven't interacted.

I hope I don't sound like an asshole and this got long as usual but I've been stressing hardcore about this for a few weeks and it's one of the reasons I haven't been around [mostly been irl stress though].

Love y'all <3